#definitely over ten though..
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ive watched the jibanglee rachalog too many times to count...
#definitely over ten though..#this vid is single-handedly pulling me thru exams#like its just them baking but i cant stop watching it#maybe the vibes r just calming to me#skz
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On my knees begging for anything trans!Obi-Wan :') love your work btw
your wish is my comand lovely anon, here's obi-wan having a nice peaceful moment training
#art requests#i got perhaps a little carried away i cant lie buuuuut im very happy with this#first thing ive really drawn in like 6 months#i came up with a silly over complicated lore for the tree in the background because .. well you gotta think about something when you draw#its a short lived species that picks a direction and grows in it until it falls over and dies and lots of smaller ones grow up in its place#and yoda plants them around the creche / training areas/ gardens / wherever and they act as a lesson in attachemnt for younglings :)#like yes this tree thats been around all your life (10 years or less) is dead but look it dying has made new trees and new opportunities#and maybe sometimes he gifts them to younglings he likes or ones he thinks could use the reminder sometimes that things ending isnt the end#new stuff happens after everything continues its all fine#anakin definitely recieved one or ten#probably was still recieving them into knighthood because yoda is a troll#he doesnt know theyre supposed to collapse and die though he just thinks hes really bad at looking after plants#anyways#yep#done with that#my art <3#cal draws#obiwan kenobi#trans obi wan#trans obi wan kenobi#trans! obiwan#star wars#star wars fanart#fanart
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see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back
#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine#Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better#because she doesn’t really like hospitals either#and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles#and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine#and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin#you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways#always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients#and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer#everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t#(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people)#she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’#only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’#and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her#and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares#that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much#she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic.#Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters#I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away)#they’d have been so cuteeeee#rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here#martha jones#rose tyler#dw#doctor who
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also while playing trivial pursuit my sister pronounced leisure [lɛʒɚ] and people were kind of razzing her for not pronouncing it [liʒɚ], and i was like well that's also how i pronounce it so i don't see what the big deal is. it rhymes with measure which is obviously very cool. and her bf was like that's not surprising, you two are the most similar people i've ever met. which was horrendously flattering and also very funny because i don't think we're that similar, but also whenever my sister and i do something the same way i always wonder if it's just because we were exposed to the same influences and forces growing up, or because she got it specifically from me. especially because of our age difference and how much she idolized me as a child, it's quite possible that many of the things we have in common are because she saw me doing them and just thought i was endlessly cool and copied me. which is INSANE to me because i think SHE is so cool, but not for the things that we have in common, for all the other stuff lol.
#sibling feels#my posts#fun with pronunciation#soo silly to razz someone for pronunciation for any reason but especially for a pronunciation as cool as [lɛʒɚ]? come on now#you're just telling on yourself. epic self-own#had a very weird moment where my mother and uncle insisted that we have never used the pies as markers in trivial pursuit#and my sister and i were like. that's the only way we've ever played it??? and i personally haven't ever played trivial pursuit#except with my family. so i have no idea what they were talking about. they were so positive about it but so were my sister and i#they were like no we've always used separate little people-shaped markers. the pies don't even fit on the squares#and i was like trivial pursuit doesn't even come with other markers what are you talking about???????#yeah the pies don't fit on the squares but that's completely irrelevant as an argument because it's never stopped us before???#huge mystery. i asked if they were punking us but it seemed too spontaneous to be so coordinated?#but also my mom and her boyfriend were definitely punking us over this other thing i can't even begin to describe to you#(basically a diorama of trash that once you stared at it for ten minutes appeared to be someone faking the moon landing???)#(and then they kept saying they didn't know who had made it or what it was. but they're the only ones who could have done it)#so it's not that i don't think they would punk us it's just that i don't see what the utility would be for them to punk us#over that particular issue#though it's not like there was any reason for anyone to make a diorama of the faked moon landing and then lie about it#i should stop trying to understand these people lmao
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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
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after today three mutuals have experienced the stress of being in the passenger seat of my car. who's next.
#wouldn't wish it on anybody. maya had it the worst that drive to ikea as inhumane. talia second worst I made a lot of wrong turns.#dani somehow had it the best even though my car was on the verge of breaking down the whole time she was here and we drove like.#idk definitely over TEN hours together#carmen.txt
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I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal
I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).
All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security
And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.
#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here#I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail#like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’#but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across#even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’#in accordance with my personal fashion preferences#and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’#i do look so cute though#i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them#finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding#needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it#i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying#instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska#but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything#and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities#i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol#i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles#turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech#it’s very silly sounding#we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice#‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh..#but becawhse he is hahd’#highly recommend#mine#personal
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completely random but this thought popped into my head today, Hawkeye and ten (tenth doctor) would hateeee each other, I do not think they would get along
lol I'm curious why you think this if you want to elaborate.
My immediate thought was that they're both too high energy, so even if they're philosophically compatible they'd just clash from being in the same room together. I considered how much Ten kills people as a potential issue lol, but I don't thiiiink Hawkeye would frown upon Ten's thing of giving people with murderous intent a three strikes you're out rule. Hawkeye might be more of a pacifist himself but I think he's largely in favour of violence as a defense when necessary, and Ten never takes any joy in it. They both hate guns so they agree there, though despite Ten's leery disdain he's probably chiller with UNIT than Hawkeye would be.
But yeah ultimately it might just boil down to both of them wanting to be the centre of attention lol, and neither being willing to step back to play support.
lol thanks for the ask!
#oooh though i do think hawkeye would judge ten super hard for prioritizing his evil ex over everything else though if he knew about it#most things some fans judge ten for i think are misaimed criticisms that should be framed as an evaluation of the writing#but that was definitely a deliberate and excellent flaw lol#marley on mash#marley on doctor who#text post
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Okay so I’ve been back from Pride for a few hours now and. I’m calling it now, my voice is not gonna work tomorrow lmao I was talking to so many people for so long it was great
Like, the show was great, the acts were a bit hit and miss but honestly I feel kinda bad for some of them given how awful the wind has been but you know, they did great all things considered. It really was fuckin’ wimdy like maaaan. Loads of such nice people to talk to, and the companies that sponsored it literally did not pull punches like I know we talk about companies being performative or whatever but like. They did not half ass this holy shit?? They even made the fuckin’ lawnmowers gay whadda hell?? Oh and some of these people had the best rainbow hats like they had felt rainbow cowboy hats and fedoras, and then dresses of mixed flags, and flag capes and shit it was so fuckin’ cool.
And you know what? Everything was so fuckin’ cheap???? In a world where everything is so stupid expensive I got ten sugar donuts for £3 which is honestly ridiculous. Burgers and shit were the same and they were huge??? I only had the donuts there were too many there for me so I went around some of the cool stall holders I’d spoke to and got them to take a few from me they were so good. Speaking of stall holders, my old PE teacher from school was one???? For one of the charities there???? She was a fun teacher but I swear it was like Perry the fucking Platypus. She took her sunglasses off and suddenly I knew exactly who she was as if we hadn’t been talking for a few minutes already and then she immediately clocked onto who I was and it was just crazy that is the last place I expected to see her and the last person I expected to see at Pride of all things. She gave me free flowers because I kept losing on the tombola lmao
But yeah for reals everything was so cheap and often straight up free like I feel like I robbed some of these people what. And you know what? Two of the stalls sold phone charms despite modern phones not having a thing for those anymore. Not a problem for me though, I use an MP3 Player still and let me tell you... the audible gasp I got when I pulled it out of my pocket like ‘oh will it work on this?’. Guys people love the MP3 player apparently. Old tech for the win.
I’d say babys first Pride Event was a success that was great. Happy Pride Season and happy first day of Disability Pride month!
#there was so much shit#talking for days and the fuckin' WIMD#there was a hedgehog charity there selling knitted hedgehogs and they were so cute I now have a new little guy to love#it's insane how affordable everything was though like. I don't think I'll be over that for a LONG time#pride goers know the priders got no money I guess#anyway had a laugh had a wonder got a shit ton of freebies saw a gay lawnmower#the fire engine had the 'fire doesnt discriminate and neither do we' thing written on it with a cool as fuck image#it was spread across the entire engine it was GREAT#it was a fireman putting out fires with water that was made up of different flags#was so good#the whole thing was good#a small set up but that's all they needed really it was fun#my voice is definitely gonna be gone by tomorrow thoug#it is NOT surviving that long lmao#i do be tired now though that was six hours straight of wandering and talking#when I haven't gone further than up and down the stairs and talked for more than like ten minutes out loud a day maybe for ages#i dont get out much but hey my PE teacher invited me to come do some volunteering with her so maybe that's gonna change who knows#we shall see
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teeth achieved. [goes to sleep]
#just me hi#i'll turn that off later it's just very Hm to me loll#not exactly funny not really annoying but very Hm. Hum.#the only reason i turned on that badge was because there was a Big fricken thing on the corner of the screen announcing#HEY. YOU POSTED 100 TIMES#yea. back in 22. are you good‚ dude?#i have done that ten times over you're a little late. i'll take that though gimme them teef#//also it's one a.m. again babyyy ya boy has no idea how to go to sleep at a normal hour heck yeaaa [guitar]#anywho sneeping now. going to sneep. and after i have snooped? why‚ who knows. today sleep‚ tomorrow the world#i have got to stop quoting that movie#it starts playing in my head afterwards and i start giggling like an idiot at 2 a.m.#why did they have an exploding octopus. who knows. truly inspired#you'd think the guy dressed as a duck would be all for animal rights but nah‚ he's chucking those bad boys out like pigeon food#wait he's a penguin#you get my point though he's a birdb. he should know these things. penguins are endangered i think‚ why is he doing this to the sharks :/#inspired and yet definitely mad. so- Truly inspired#could use less animal abuse but i think he's going somewhere with that#like why not dress up your goons as exploding octopus? now THAT'S scary#imagine: you're swimming away from the penguin's current base and you feel something brush against your leg#you think 'oh no! the exploding octopus!' you look down. just then‚ it takes hold of your ankle and you begin to flail as it tests its#pulling strength#you glance down again‚ for one fleeting moment the world is on its head and your vision is swimming harder than the rest of your body#a man - anchored to the waterbed by a rope but kept just a couple feet below the surface by some arm floaties - dressed in what seems to be#a very cheap octopus costume. your head feels light‚ all the pounding in your chest starts to feel miles away. your head is suddenly#underwater‚ somehow you remember not to breath. you meet his eyes for one moment- and then BOOM exploding octopus cosplayer Explodes !!!!!#That's scary#exploding octopus is just sad. that little dude didn't even know what it was doing :(#//ANYWAY i am going to bed now hvhfbsfa#no idea why i wrote all that. tis the hour ig lolll#nighty !
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.
#hffjfhfhhhhghgh#sometimes you think you’re over a guy but then you have a normal conversation with him like a normal person and proceed to think about it#for the next ten hours#my silly little INFP brain is being insufferable about this#like seriously I don’t want to date a guy who curses like a sailor I don’t#but we just get along so well together? he was homeschooled like me? he’s an lotr fanatic (as in he’s read the books)? he has OPINIONS#about little women? he’s an agatha christie fan?? he had reasonable things to say in biblical studies a couple years ago (which is more#than I can say for 95 percent of the people in that class)?#but I mean it doesn’t matter we’ve known each other for nearly three years and I can’t tell that he’s ever had that kind of interest in me#(granted I am a TERRIBLE judge)#fun fact though he is the guy who read a story I wrote freshman year and read a romance scene and exclaimed ‘that’s it! that’s what love is#supposed to be!’#I mean how was I SUPPOSED to react#if nothing else he’s definitely one of Anne’s kindred spirits and I think I can live with that#anyway sorry feel free to ignore I just needed to ramble#I drove for like three hours today and it was just swirling around in my head the whole time#will probably delete later because there are a couple people who follow me who know me irl and would probably know exactly what I’m talking#about. they’re not super active though so#(and yes this is Alcott boy. although hilariously before I knew his name I called him Agatha Christie boy)#on a lighter note I may have convinced him to watch otgw because it has Elijah wood in it lol
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just wrote like ten pages of my graphic novel rough draft in one sitting im shaking and crying
#in terms of how many pages of the comic it would be its actually like. forty pages#but took up about ten pages of the document#im getting excited but can also tell it'll definitely need to be edited a ton#i wanna finish the first draft over winter break though#just need to get ideas and the general feeling of what I wanna do down#can tell already that some characters and setting details are gonna need to be refined a ton though#ehehehehehehe#mine#personal
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let’s take a moment to mourn riverdale on here
#perhaps mourn isn’t the right word more like celebrate#I owe my whole career to riverdale#my identity#the epic highs and lows of my life to that show#because of riverdale I can’t drop this url my twin sister came up with when I was 16#I also had many hit posts thanks to riverdale this show is so serious to me#okay but actually im kinda sad riverdale is ending which is crazy???#idk not only is it like the last big show to have 22 episodes and back to back seasons#but it was also endearingly dumb#personally the show just stopped being for me halfway through season 2 when it seriously stopped making any sense#on one hand I can enjoy the camp aspects but I also wanted the show to stay grounded and it definitely wasn’t doing that during s2-onwards#I kinda like the fact that they distinguished themselves from all of the over teen shows by embracing its stupidity and genre shifts#but that was not what I signed up for when I first watched the show#also it was just annoying how messy the characterization and storylines got#onto the IMPORTANT!!! things though#the fact that the barchies won#if you were here for early riverdale you would know that the barchies were an oppressed class#everyone hated us no one thought we had a chance the writers wouldn’t touch us with a ten foot pole#and now look at us the underdogs the dark horse#victory is ours barchies
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sweating and shaking over whether or not to up my rating of the revenge of frankenstein to 5/5.
#fighting myself over it bc i definitely enjoy it but there might be enough stuff in it that's just kinda.#i hesitate to say mediocre. that i can't exactly defend outside of 'well it's there!'#it felt a lot shorter on this watch and it's having me feeling so very kind towards it.#it is a masterpiece either way i rate it though obviously.#idk how i feel about the dirty weird guy who just kinda hangs around causing trouble honestly.#bc on one hand i find him vaguely funny and he definitely adds some further thematic depth to the themes#of dehumanization and prejudice (and how they go hand in hand) that pervade the flick but he's also so.#aggravating because of it. the film needed a character like him but also he feels like a walking plot convenience.#same thing with eunice gayson's character. the film obviously needs a character like her because of what it is but she feels#underdeveloped. honestly i would've loved for the film to be like ten minutes longer :)#but i feel like they probably wouldn't've utilized the run time.#myevilposts#hammer#frankenstein#the revenge of frankenstein#they should've given peter a billion dollar film budget and had him write it and everything idc if it'd been awful i'd be eating it up#like puppy dog chow for real human boys. and i'd fall asleep in the bowl.#i decided to give it five stars btw and it made firefox crash 😭
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ever find something you made from years ago that really showcases how the person you are now is literally an entirely different person than who you used to be
#ns posts#going through papers i saved from as far back as intermediate school and came across a short story with my homestuck ocs#dated just over ten years ago#clearly my handwriting#zero memory of making this. nada. there are some cruel jokes in here. dialogue feels pretty natural though.#batshit off the walls plot. only two and a half pages#no idea why i wrote it or where it was going#anyways thats definitely going in the burn pile#lots of homestuck and lyric doodles in here
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Baby Blues
Pairing - Sylus x f!MC
Summary - In the first two weeks of being new parents, the dynamic hasn’t been quite what you and Sylus expected. He’s eager to be involved, but your daughter doesn’t seem to have warmed to him.
Word count - 2.7k
⚠️Warning⚠️ - Mentions of pregnancy and childbirth. Hurt/comfort, fluff, and a little sprinkle of angst.
Your newborn didn’t like Sylus.
It sounded ridiculous, but you know he was thinking it too. You didn’t have the gall to say it out loud—not that it even needed to be said. The fact was definitely lingering between you both.
You never thought much of why she would wriggle and kick up a storm in your stomach whenever he touched the swell of your belly, but you now had an inclination that it was because she didn’t like his hands there.
It was strange and upsetting, but he didn’t seem too hurt by it so far, only silently helpless as he watched you do everything. You were two weeks postpartum, so your emotions were already all over the place. It seemed as though Sylus was holding his own feelings back to make room for yours, and when you had asked him about it, he simply kissed your forehead and reassured you that he was fine. All while your screaming daughter cried for you against his chest.
Not that he opened up to you all that often. You did manage to get things out of him with a push sometimes, but he was like an unyielding gate, refusing to open to anyone.
Your exhaustion was only adding to the toll on your fragile emotions. The baby only wanted your touch, and sleep was almost impossible for you because of that very reason. Only you could feed her. Only you could soothe her. Only you could touch her.
That was one thing that was really getting to Sylus. The bloodshot whites of your eyes as you rocked the fussy newborn to sleep and fed her at all hours of the morning. The barely touched plates of food that ended up stone cold and in the bin. Not to mention the completely non-existent ten minutes you needed to at least have a wash without having to run out of the shower to her aid.
He must have felt quite useless in the weeks where you should be recovering, but he didn’t want you to worry about his feelings by indulging you in his thoughts.
Your pregnancy had been smooth, ending with a good twenty-seven hours of rather torturous labour, and pushing that went on for an agonising two hours. It had all been worth it, though. Your little bundle of joy with tufts of platinum hair had finally greeted you both with a piercing wail, but eased her protests once placed against your heaving chest.
You just wished she would settle with both parents.
It was another day of desperate wailing, your arms becoming so heavy with the exertion of having no option but to hold her. You tried to put her in her pram for Sylus to push her around for a while, but her cries only increased to the point of her little face turning purple. You couldn’t sit and just listen to it, and you absolutely would not ignore her—no matter how much Sylus pushed for you to go and get some sleep.
“She wants me,” you say for what felt like the millionth time that week.
Sylus was evidently reluctant to stop trying, but he wouldn’t keep you from her. He conceded with a defeated huff, watching your every move as you gently lifted your screeching daughter out of the plush pram. Her screams died down quickly as you placed her against your chest, her ear-piercing wails whittling down to soft whimpers.
“Of all the dangerous paths I’ve crossed and violent challenges I’ve encountered, it’s our newborn daughter who finally defeats me,” he mumbles quietly, trying to make a lighthearted joke about it.
You tried to smile at his attempt to add a bit of humour to the situation, but the comment only made you cry. Hard.
“Hey.” He immediately stepped toward you, rubbing a large hand up and down your back soothingly. You had to give it to him, his patience with you in the last two weeks had been immaculate. “Don’t cry, sweetie.”
You couldn’t stop, your ragged breaths and shaking shoulders refusing to relent. “I d-don’t get it,” you bawl. “What are we doing d-differently?”
Sylus sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. His hand continued to rub soothing circles against your back to ease your upset. “Well, she did live inside you for nine months. Besides, you didn’t exactly like me either when we first met.”
He smiled faintly, tilting his head down to capture your gaze. Despite the obvious tease, he still seemed to be holding himself back. It was frustrating him more than he wanted to admit to you. You knew he was protecting your feelings, but you wished he would just show some sense of vulnerability.
You don’t dare set your sleeping daughter down in her moses basket, knowing full well that she would just wake straight back up. So the rest of the afternoon is spent with your tiny newborn curled up against your chest, a few feeding and changing breaks in between.
Once the day turned into night, nothing in the world sounded more appealing to you than a hot shower, a hot meal, and a hot cup of tea. But letting her scream and cry while you did that was not an option. It wasn’t fair on her, and it wasn’t fair on Sylus.
He didn’t leave you unless he absolutely had to throughout the day. You watched him every time he heard a little whimper from the baby, his hands flexing and twitching. Every time you had to get up to do something for her, he was either at your back or side.
He wanted to help.
The chef brought through a very large bowl of marinated chicken and pasta for you, upon Sylus’s instruction. As soon as the bowl was set on the little table beside your recliner chair, you almost began drooling. You hadn’t managed to eat much at all in the chaos, and Sylus wasn’t amused when you didn’t even get the chance to finish the two biscuits he’d brought you earlier in the day.
You reached a careful hand over to the fork, not even lifting it before your daughter began to wriggle and whine in your other arm. Dropping it immediately, you retract your hand, only making it halfway back to the fussy newborn before long, slender fingers wrapped themselves around your wrist.
“No,” Sylus says firmly. “Absolutely not.”
Your initial response is to immediately go on the defence. “She’s cry—”
“I know she’s crying,” he interrupted tightly. “I know. But you’re going to eat while your food is hot, and you’re going to do it without our screaming daughter on your chest.”
“But—”
“No buts.”
He had that commanding look in his eye, the one that would intimidate most, but was only used on you when he was especially adamant on you doing something necessary for yourself.
You were a little relieved to see him so passionate, if you were being honest. He had been treading on eggshells to not upset you or the baby for fourteen whole days, and it wasn’t good for anyone. You felt the tension on him every time you both managed to get into bed together for more than five minutes. He needed this little outburst.
“This needs to stop now. I’m going to figure her out, and you are going to eat. Alright?” His tone left no room for argument, and the more your daughter protested against your intention to eat, the more hungry and tired you felt.
It wasn’t easy, but you handed her off to him carefully, swallowing a lump in your throat. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her distressed little face as Sylus attempted to cradle her.
You were practically twitching, your legs about to push the footrest of the recliner down to retrieve her in the first thirty seconds she was away from you. Sylus noticed immediately, and pushed it back up with his foot before you could close it down fully.
“She’s not in any danger,” he said calmly, but his whole body was visibly tense. “She’s right here, I won’t leave the room. Just eat, sweetie.”
You wanted to protest further, but he wasn’t going to yield this time. His eyes remained trained on you until you finally sagged back into the chair, and it wasn’t until you picked up your fork that he finally turned away, focusing on the distraught newborn kicking up a storm against his chest.
He held her the way you did, one hand cupped over her head to keep it steady while the other hand softly patted her back. Why she didn’t want to be near him was an utter mystery to you, he wasn’t doing anything incorrectly.
You couldn’t eat while the two most important people in your life were quite clearly in a distressing situation before you. “Are you alright?” You asked him gently, hoping that he would answer you.
“I will be if you eat,” he quickly responded, not looking at you.
Sighing, you stab a slice of the chicken onto your fork, just looking at it for a moment. Your brain had managed to kick itself into gear as you forged a new approach to his silence.
This was an opportunity to head in the right direction.
“I’ll eat if you speak to me.”
Blood red eyes shot in your direction, an eyebrow raised. “Blackmail?”
You quickly shook your head. “You were right, this does need to stop. Starting with you shutting yourself off from me.”
“Eat.”
The forked piece of chicken points straight at his unamused face. “Talk.”
He shook his head a little in clear annoyance, the stress consuming him. Your daughter continued to wail, immune to the warmth and safety of his arms. He was basically trapped after promising to remain in the room with you.
Your bleary eyes held his irises of rubies, neither of you conceding. It was a mental challenge to ignore the fragrant aroma of garlic and fresh basil beneath your nose, but you were not eating until at least one of the two beautiful people before you had calmed down.
Sylus visibly swallowed, finally giving in as he noticed your lack of a bluff. “Do you think she knows?” His voice was quiet, barely heard over your newborn’s cries.
“Knows what?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again, nodding his head towards the piece of chicken on your fork. You shovel it into your gob, eager for him to continue.
His eyes flicker down to your daughter before he speaks again. “Do you think she knows that I’ve done terrible things? Do you think that’s why she doesn’t like me?”
“I—” you grumble and roll your eyes as he nods to your plate of food again, waiting for you to take another mouthful that you end up having to speak through, “I don’t see how she could. Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”
The corner of his mouth curled upward ever-so-slightly. “Missing my tongue, kitten?”
You couldn’t help your own smile as his shoulders sagged a little from where they were practically touching his ears. It wasn’t often that he opened up to you like this. You almost always had to pry or throw in a proposition to coax him into speaking.
You took another bite of your food, moving the plate from the small table to your lap. “Do you really think she doesn’t like you?”
His smirk faded away quickly, a gentle thumb brushing over your daughter's head. She continued to cry, but the volume had dropped a little. “Do you not think that?” He asked.
You didn’t know how to answer that question. To tell the truth, you did think that, but not for the same reason he was thinking.
“I think she may be a little attached at the moment. We’re very different shapes and sizes. Maybe she feels—”
“Unsafe?”
His tone had dropped an octave—something you didn’t think was possible considering the already bone-chilling vibrations of his voice. Never before had you witnessed him in a state of such vulnerability. He was insecure about this, and it was finally starting to show.
You went to stand up to be near him, but he immediately stepped forward to halt your movement.
“Eat.”
Not wanting to lose this free-speaking Sylus you had barely met before, you did as he said, twirling a fat mouthful of pasta onto your fork for extra brownie points.
You both remained in silence for a few moments, only your fork scraping against the bowl in your lap marrying with the sounds of your baby’s cries surrounding the small sitting room.
Sylus’s gaze didn’t leave the newborn cradled in his arms, a gentle sway in his hips as he tried to keep her moving. All you could do was study his composure, seeing it as it cracked.
After a moment, he looked back at you. “I don’t want to keep failing you.”
You coughed on the mouthful of the creamy pasta at his words, completely in awe of his confession.
Failing you? How did he get to that conclusion?
“You’ve done everything for her,” he continued, not allowing you to immediately reassure him. “I want to be able to do everything, too. For both of you.”
The all too familiar sting in your wet eyes built in intensity by the second, and you quickly found yourself sniffling.
Not only was he insecure about your daughter not feeling safe in his arms, but he felt that he’d failed you both in the past two weeks. It was heartbreaking for you to hear.
“Don’t cry—”
“You’re…fuck, Sylus. You’re not failing anyone,” you tuck your fork back into the pasta with a loud sniffle, ignoring his glare that silently demanded that you continue to eat. “How the hell did you come to that conclusion?”
He looked entirely reluctant to answer, his head dropping back down to stare at his tiny twin. You didn’t want him to stop speaking again, so you quietly picked your fork back up, hoping it would capture his attention.
The silence stretched between you as you made the effort to eat for his sake. Even your daughter's cries became a little weaker—like she was pitying him.
He didn’t look at you as he said, “I’m the bad guy. The boogie man. The kind of monster that parents threaten their kids with visits from in the middle of the night if they don’t brush their teeth before bed.”
“Not in our story, you’re not,” you quickly reassured him earnestly. “You’re the husband and father who keeps the monsters away from your family. That’s the only Sylus she will ever know. The real one.”
He still didn’t look up from the newborn, now almost completely silent in his arms, but you catch a subtle bob in his throat. You didn’t need him to respond to you. You knew you had said the right words to soothe that self-deprecating thought in his complicated mind. You could see it.
“Have I told you how perfect you were two weeks ago,” he asked, knowing full well that he’d told her every day since then.
Your mouth curled into a soft smile. Even after all these years together—after welcoming your first child into this scary, yet beautiful world—Sylus had no trouble giving you butterflies.
“I think you might’ve mentioned it,” you hummed softly.
And on that very note, the baby was fast asleep in his hold for the very first time in two whole weeks. His face didn’t reveal anything, but you knew he was relieved. All he wanted to do was make this easier for the both of you.
Finally, you had managed to figure out what the problem had been all this time.
“You were too tense,” you point out quietly, noticing how openly at ease he now was. “That’s what she didn’t like.”
He hummed in response, unable to tear his gaze away from the sleeping babe in his arms. You didn’t say anything further, letting him enjoy that special moment in peace while you proceeded to enjoy the rest of your meal.
Despite the challenges of becoming new parents, things were going to be alright from that point onwards.
A/N - Hello! I hope you enjoyed this oneshot, thank you so much for reading. Just to let you know, I do take requests ❤️
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