#decepticons being petty bitches

[loveofbots]

Sfw and nsfw head cannons for tarn please? Reader or cannon don't really care.

Shoutout @starscreamscorpse for calling beloved Tarn ‘mista taint’

I (lovingly) hate tarn so please take this with a grain of salt

SFW:

- Tarn is a loner in all senses of the word. He doesn’t ask for help, not even Nickel. He trusted people before and that led to his empurata, and then his abandonment from the academy, now he simply directs his team without confiding in anyone except Decepticon high command.

- To tarn, being a Decepticon is a belief. I know we joke about him dick riding megatron (he does) but the Decepticon cause gave him purpose. It gave him someone to believe in, a support system even.

- Advocate for universal healthcare, most likely due to Nickel’s influence.

- Tarn actually likes to sing. Even as Damos! I imagine he sings by himself most days, and actually writes his own music. In his perfect world, maybe he’d be a prodigy and launch Cybertron into an age of art. But of course, his story is one of tragedy.

- Tarn is harsh on the DJD. He may be friendly but he has a short temper, and will easily snap at people he considers his ‘friends.’ He’s also highly critical, as we know he started putting Decepticons on the list for increasingly petty reasons near the end of it.

- He’s probably not as grossed out by us squishies as he tells himself. Although he agrees that transformers are better- he would begrudgingly ‘keep the fleshling alive’ if he was instructed to. Because his singing does not affect humans the same way it affects his own race, he would probably grow very fond of singing to them.

- Tarn’s the type to be creepy at first, but he’s just a lonely, hurt Mech on the inside. He takes advantage of other folks like Pharma to fuel his addiction, a gentle hand would help him by light years. Yet he pushes away (and kills) anyone who tries to help. Citing that they are trying to ‘cleanse him.’ Dumbass.

[NO MINOR ZONE]

- His only lover is his hand. I’m serious he gets NO bitches. Every time someone came on to him he would fumble like a dink. Helix is still trying to give him better pickup lines than ‘I won’t kill you… tonight.’

- For me Tarn is on the ace spectrum. He doesn’t want to participate in interfacing, but he likes to watch. You could probably find him in the corner at some swinger parties.

- Normally he doesn’t have time/is too tired to even try to get off. He runs the DJD he’s a busy Mech. Not to say he doesn’t have his own little fantasies.

- Top all the way. He WILL NOT bottom (unless you ask) Tarn likes to feel in charge, superior, loved. He likes to be serviced and he likes the idea of ‘capturing’ someone and making them obey his every word.

- is actually a super awkward bot. His old self- Damos- comes out when he is flirted with. He’s a bashful Mech that can’t take any praise.

- Likes the idea of his partner getting off to his voice, it makes him feel powerful that his voice alone could make someone so down bad (I am looking at you tarn fans)

- cw: drugs!!! He is the WORST person to give a doobie to, this mf takes one hit if a roach and is coughing all night. On another note, he probably does take medicine to help him sleep thanks to mama nickel.

[scarlettaagni]

I'm assuming you reblogged the 'send me a character' thing with intent, so I will ask about. Cyclonus! please : 3

ye ye! I guess I'll refer to G1 (cartoon) Cyclonus by large

favorite thing about them: the most nuanced bitch this side of the cartoon! Decepticons constantly pull themselves down by only looking out for themselves and being conniving little shits to each other instead of only their enemies (and that's the point) but here you have a complete inversion, a Decepticon (second-in-command, no less) who is LOYAL. not only loyal, but selfless, by their standards?? nothing matters to Cyclonus beyond Galvatron, the Decepticon cause, and combat. he should be a force of nature but is rendered inert by an incapable leader because he just wants to follow. He's a warrior first and foremost but he gets to basically be in charge and isn't dumb muscle, e.g. he knows psychology (or at least how to work a crowd). Cyclonus is one year old and yet feels like he personally met Roman gladiators or something, he's great. A character of visible, textual multitudes in the G1 cartoon, which was notoriously allergic to nuance

least favorite thing about them: bro, the character assassination, like in Headmasters anime or the comics. I know by and large the Decepticons are dumb as hell, but I get like personally offended when chars are just dumbed the hell down for the sake of a joke or to facilitate the plot. If you have to do that, just pick more-fitting character or come up with a justification, fr. you'd think watching G1 five times in a row would inoculate me to this, but no. (for the record, his weird amplified cowardice I'm counting as stupidity) This doesn't apply to like, gag manga, that's the whole point of them

least favorite thing about them pt 2: that last answer felt like cheating so I guess while I like both demon and final designs, I hate how held back his final design is! I joke about the Unicronian legs being fine af, but he had curvier legs and they took them away. His neck is blank and featureless, so is his face. He looks fine this way, but there were so many interesting details they could have kept even when making him look more uniform with previous character designs. I guess I can thank AKOM for once, for letting us see his old design in motion lol

favorite (serious) line: damn. if I gotta pick? I guess for characterization: [out of breath] "It has been too long since I had an opponent that was worthy of my FULL attention..." or alternatively, "Galvatron...!" said like Roger C. Carmel is crying in the sound booth purely just for the line delivery

favorite (silly) line: "Everybody's gotta be somewhere..." [casually waltzes past a guy Scourge just roundhoused through a screen]

brOTP: I used to joke that Cyclonus and Scourge are at most drinking buddies to me, and I learned that's literally how they met in IDW

OTP: G1? CycMags. The rituals are intricate. It's about the symmetry. Two second-in-commands, more competent than their not-up-to-the-task leaders, the Soldier and the Warrior. They pointedly unname each other. They get petty when they're in the same space together. Cyclonus saved Ultra Magnus' life so that he could end it himself. He's sure he'll win but is perfectly open to Magnus ending him. Cyclonus views him as an equal, and despite the attempts on each other's lives, that is what makes it healthier than...

NOTP: Cyclonus/Galvatron. he's down so bad but it's obviously one-sided. he can do MUCH better, he just doesn't want to. Cyclonus won't consider any other options...... unless

random headcanon: he's prone to parroting. if someone uses a particular word or phrase, he'll use it in a sentence soon after, and phrased exactly the same way too. then it just becomes part of Cyclonus' vocabulary forever. which is how you get a guy who uses words like "vanquish" and "insolent" also saying things like "wimps" and "losers"

unpopular opinion: I'm so not with the silly ear interpretation of his horns. It's cute, and I'll make some jokey references to it, or have characters refer to them as such (derisively) but I'm insistent that they're horns. He's based off a demon, the Unicronians are clearly made in Unicron's image, they're horns. I'm a bigger fan of the wings swiveling up and down

song i associate with them: this is more of a song for all the Unicronians as a group, but I just like this one

favorite picture of them: there's some silly ones I already shared but I might as well pick one he looks really good in

in short: I like the him a normal, healthy amount

[cloudraker]

could i get uhhhhhhh tfp breakdown and knockout (seperate) reaction to seeing their s/o with the autobots after being separated during the war?? ty!!!

Ofc ofc, thank you for requesting and I am so sorry about the wait <3 I wasn't entirely sure if you wanted their S/o to be an Autobot or just with them, so I went with the former. I hope that's okay ^^

TFP Breakdown Knock Out seeing their S/o with the Autobots

Under the cut :)

Breakdown

Has to do a double take, and then a triple take just to be sure

He's more confused than anything. He genuinely thought the worst had happened to you, and to see you standing next to an Autobot has him frozen in his tracks

After the initial shock wears off, he's overjoyed to see you again, rushing towards you and shouting something unintelligible that's probably a declaration of some sort

It's when he sees you wearing the autobrand that he slows down and he starts to piece things together

He's got so many questions, and part of him wants to be angry that you're an Autobot and he's only finding out after all this time, but he's just sad

Breakdown tries to convince you to join the Decepticons, to join him, but when it becomes clear that won't be happening his sadness turns to a confused anger

Afterwards, when he's back on the Nemesis and stewing in his thoughts, he finds himself less and less angry and more resigned to what the situation has become

He's loyal to the Decepticon cause, there's no doubt about it, but he's had a few doubts for a while now (mostly about Certain Commanding Officers), and with you being back in the picture it's all rather complicated

The incident with MECH solidifies his decision, and when given the chance, chooses you over the Decepticons

Breakdown tries to get Knock Out to follow him, but the medic ends up sticking it out until the end

Things are awkward between him and the other Autobots, not to mention the two of you trying to mend your relationship, but it's obvious he's trying his best

Knock Out

A petty bitch about it

Lots of "OH I see how it is" type dramatics

He won't listen to any explanation, though some part of him already has an idea of what's going on and while not outright angry or sad about it, he is rather miffed

Doesn't offer to leave the Decepticons or ask you to join him, the thought probably didn't even cross his mind at the time

Breakdown has soooo many questions it's nearly comical

When the two of you encounter each other on missions, he seems to single you out every time. He doesn't even seem to realize he's doing it

He makes snide comments the entire time <3

The one time he did actually land a hit hard enough to knock you down, he hesitated afterwards, giving you an opportunity to get back up and hit back which he just takes. He's surprised he froze, and even more so that he didn't get up again

But, after it's all said and done, and he's technically an Autobot, there is an effort to make things work between you two. He knows there's a good chance things will never be the same between you two, and he's accepted that, but some part of him still wants things to go back to how they were. And hey sue him but without Breakdown things are kinda lonely. He thinks you two would have gotten along

Does the whole "well we never actually said we were over, did we?" shtick fully expecting it to work

[lord-squiggletits]

Something I keep seeing when I speak to others about MTMTE Megatron is basically the idea that he's going on a personal journey to become a better person, that the point isn't for him to be "redeemed" but for him to get a chance to do good and die as a person he can live with again. That MTMTE presents a unique take on this because being away from Cybertron gives Megatron a chance to be a person rather than a political figure and this is how it gives him more depth as a character. Or just generally pointing out in a narrative sense that Megatron being in MTMTE limits his story options so of course his story is going to be more focused on a personal journey than on politics of him dealing with the Decepticons/Earth/etc and that just because JRO made a choice to take that path with Megatron doesn't mean that it's inherently bad.

And I'm just, mmm like I understand all of those points and acknowledge that they all contributed to the MTMTE Megatron we got. I even think that without JRO writing Megatron we wouldn't have had his lore be as fleshed out and 3D as it ended up becoming.

(Post starts out as a sort of meta analysis or at least me giving a reasoned explanation for my interpretation of the story, ends up being petty bitching in the last 1-2 paragraphs)

I just..... I just personally don't agree with the "he's becoming a better person by getting a chance to relax and experience happiness and trust after a life of trauma" as being the best choice for his character? Because the problem is that maybe if he were a random Decepticon foot soldier that would be appropriate, but he was literally the leader of the Decepticons that made them Like That and has political/cultural/societal responsibility for why things are the way they are? To be completely frank, I don't care about him going on a personal journey for self-peace, I think that he should become a better person by helping to un-fuck all the things he actually screwed up???

Like idc about the debate of whether he can be "redeemed" or if he should've been killed/imprisoned/etc at the ending. It just comes down to the fact that for me personally, I feel that since Megatron's wrongdoings were at a social level, him "being a better person" would've been better shown by him engaging with those people who he wronged instead of just going on a frigging personal journey for his legacy and self-peace???

Especially since in other series (exRID, possibly Windblade) we literally got plots like "the neutrals hate Autobots but they hate Decepticons even more" and "the Decepticons have been taken over by Galvatron and are now invading earth 2 electric boogaloo" and "yeah the Decepticons are literally living in slums because people hate them so much and won't give them any work." It just leaves me wondering why in the hell people are like, "oh Megatron got to be happy and have a chance to be a normal person." I don't want him to be normal! I want him to repay his debts to the people he actually wronged! Like if you want to cast Megatron as a hero of the people so badly (which so many of his stans do as if he actually cared about the Cons) then how do you reconcile the fact that Megatron just fucked off and left the Decepticons to suffer on Cybertron? Including some of them attacking during his trial and getting killed and Megatron is basically like "sorry, I'm not coming with you and this isn't going to work." And then Megatron complains about "toxic Decepticon loyalty" as if he didn't literally make them that way? Like I get that MTMTE Megatron is still an asshole but if you've read something besides MTMTE and know what the Decepticons are going through, it just ends up being really grating.

I just don't see Megatron as being a particularly good hero or having a particularly fulfilling story if he's completely isolated from all the bad things he did on Cybertron/the way the Decepticons are suffering until LL#25 where it's like "ah damn I'm going to trial now, well this is what I deserve so it's fine." Why could we not have seen something like Megatron trying to deradicalize the Decepticons or change their public image so they could integrate into normal Cybertron again? They were living in SLUMS and getting gunned down by Starscream's badgeless enforcers!

The best we got was the Functionist Universe but like.... I'm sorry, but JRO inventing a whole alternate universe for Megatron to save doesn't do jack shit to save or fix the people he left behind in this one. It was especially grating to read because JRO literally wrote in someone saying "you saved billions of lives from the Functionists" as if he was trying really hard to show how good Megatron is because he saved people (and also if not for Megatron existing Cybertron would be even worse and half of your faves would be enslaved or dead, also the Functionist Council was going to genocide organics too so technically they're WORSE than Megatron since they hate organics AND want to enslave their own race).

I read Barber's, JRO's, and MScott's series concurrently using the omnibus + a release order list for phase 3, and after all that I'm kind of puzzled why the fandom seems to ardently love MTMTE Megatron and think he's so well written but then also shit on Optimus for things that he did during the same points in the story? Because, and I know this is a blazing hot take, I honestly think that Optimus makes a better hero of his story than Megatron does for his, and Optimus' personal journey combines his personal and political identities into a narrative that's a lot more gruelling and questioning of his goodness than we got for Megatron in MTMTE. Which is fucking saying something considering Megatron committed crimes against sapient species and Optimus is the guy who tried to stop him from doing that and has always been pro-equal rights for all beings. But people pretty much just cherrypick things like Optimus annexing Earth or beating up Prowl and go "he's bad" and I'm like no??? IDW OP isn't a bad person or a bad character??? It's just that unlike MTMTE Megatron he's placed in a narrative that actually suits the nature of his actions and has themes that match. To the point that IMO sometimes Barber's narrative shits on Optimus excessively or paints him mainly in the most unflattering ways.

But like. It's just funny to me because Optimus spent his entire part of the story doing things like trying to stop Earth from being invaded/colonized yet again. Grappling with his identity as Prime and dealing with the fact that people literally worship him vs. the fact that his upbringing made him see the Primacy as nothing more than a facade of authority/leadership. Having people get mad at him for prioritizing politics over friendship/relationships with other people. Even getting shit on for being a cop a decent amount so people can STFU about IDW OP being "copaganda" or "not held responsible for his actions". The problems that Optimus dealt with were personal because they had to do with his self-doubt, culpability for the war as a leader of one of the armies, distance from his soldiers, etc. But all of these are also POLITICAL struggles. Because Optimus gave up on the chance to just be a normal person having personal struggles when he chose to become a LEADER, which also means that he's held to extremely high standards that he regularly fails at in the eyes of others.

That's why, to me, MTMTE Megatron falls flat in comparison and really as a "hero" or heel-face character in general? Because he also made a decision to be a leader, and IMO once you do things like become the commander of an army and start your own galactic empire, you lose the right to prioritize your personal problems and instead are obligated by the power you've chosen to wield to focus on your POLITICAL problems. If Megatron's power, influence, and crimes are of a social-political nature, then his heel-face turn arc and ways of showing that he's a better person/helping to heal what little damage he possibly can should have been shown with actions that help on a social-political LEVEL. That's why I'm not particularly impressed with his character arc and feel as if it was overhyped by other people in this fandom: sure, the extra character depth and emotion is nice, but I'm not really going to see him as extraordinary or even particularly good when the extent of him "becoming a better person" happens entirely on a random road trip to fuck-off nowhere. Especially not when the ending of LL tried to sell me a "they lived happily ever after" ending while basically leaving the freaking MUTINY as just Rodimus going "oh it's okay you're forgiven, we're all together again" and I guess everyone was fine with Megatron and wanted to spend an eternity on a ship with him just because Getaway died.

This is why I like (the concept/themes of) exRID/OP and the way Optimus' character arc was handled a lot more. Because for Optimus, the personal and the political were as one. He was held accountable for his actions towards others and the disruptive effects they had on a social level, sometimes to a ridiculous extent (the fucking "oh Megatron is an Autobot so now that makes the Autobots colonizers" plot and that stupid colonist screaming about how Optimus is "literally fascist" my beloathed). Even his very personal issues like his relationship with Zeta were still cast in a wider lens of, yeah this is a personal struggle that Orion faced, but he was still part of a Society TM and his actions were sometimes ill-informed or harmful to others. Even if I had a lot of problems with the way Optimus' story was written by Barber (plot holes, little meaningful character interaction, forced conflicts), at least the BASELINE of it was way better than Megatron's in MTMTE. Especially since Optimus' struggle was explictly about things like struggling with responsibility and how he feels he HAS to intervene in political affairs because has to save people/make up for his past mistakes. That's something that a good leader/good person actually does, so I found Optimus to be a better hero (even if his actions weren't all "good") because he was trying to be a good person by actually getting involved with Cybertron/Earth and subjecting himself to something he hates (leadership, war) and dealing with a shitload of criticism instead of just going on a fuckin "personal journey" lksdlkfsd.

Which just makes me extra salty that people hold up MTMTE Megatron as the pinnacle of Megatrons and literally the best Transformers writing evar! while turning up their nose and ignoring or outright despising IDW Optimus. Like okay. I guess since Megatron got handled with silk gloves on while Optimus got put through the wringer of being shit on by every other person in the story, it's easier for you to pretend that Megatron is a poor uwu boy who just needs friendship and love while Optimus is literally the worst bastard to ever exist. Or maybe it's just that since Optimus' story involves him sometimes fucking up, being criticized, or making things worse, that makes him morally bad. As opposed to Megatron who disrupted a lot of other characters' stories in MTMTE, had to have an entire alternate universe invented so that he could "save lives," and got to sail off on a quantum Lost Light happily ever after, so since he's happy and the story says he saved people that means he's a good hero.

[transingthoseformers]

Speaking of Crackships one that has recently delighted me is an idea for Nice Dad!Star Saber ending up in IDW1 Post-War and finding a bunch of newly made MTOs who know basically nothing other than basic programs and adopting them immediately while he learns more about the war in this universe. I am going to say they got original picked up in Lockdown's crew and so when Lockdown goes to recruit he has a minor panic at the sight of him and Star Saber lets him lead him back to the Moon while being silent and learning about the Plan and job.

IDW Star Saber is busy with a job, so Anime Star Saber is completely silent and gets in easily. Realizes everyone here is crazy, finds the doctor Tyrest has been experimenting on, and goes ham. He manages to take down everything from the inside, locks Tyrest up, and calls the "proper authorities" aka Ultra Magnus to report the crime so the Lost Light goes to the moon under different circumstances. Pharma, meanwhile, has been sticking to Star Saber like glue and is trying to stay in his good graces and moved to tears and relief at the Good Guy Aura and actually listening to him and Star Saber sympathizing. When Star Saber asks him to help with the "young ones" he starts corralling baby MTOs and teaching them.

Ultra Magnus is traumatized and hyperventilating, Rodimus and Star Saber lock eyes and immediately pick up each others Main Character vibe and circle each other like cats who can'tdecide if they hate each other or not before settling on like, and Star Saber frowns at Rung and says "Primus?" sounding mildly perplexed before ushering him in to talk to Tyrest and Pharma separately. He then also politely asks Ratchet to refrain from speaking to Pharma alone as it causes issues. Which offends Ratchet.

He gives everyone even more of a heart attack by removing his suit and introducing himself as Saber when out of it. Minimus has several rounds of panic before coming out as well.

Realizing that they want to arrest Pharma and take his kids in as Decepticons Star Saber nods steals a ship and peaces out becoming some kind of traveling "do gooder" a la Thunderclash who helps out.

Things only get weirder when the kids decide they want to stay Decepticon but the original Decepticons but aren't sure about who to learn from. Star Saber respects that and Pharma gives some leads because Tarn liked to chat at him. Star Saber hears Deathsaurus's name and chokes, before agreeing he's a good place to start.

Ends up on a neutral meeting zone sees Deathsaurus and immediately realizes that this isn't his idiot rival this is the younger version of newer commander of his idiot evil rival. Everyone is perplexed by the Dark Evangelical and his carryon jet having good relationships with baby Decepticons and Deathsaurus is interested enough to invite him on board temporarily and keep runnibg into him as he brings Decepticons they find to him.

This begins the Pharma v. Deathsaurus competition for Star Saber of which Star Saber is oblivious. Until the two of them come to an agreement when Deathsaurus goes "hm, hot" to Pharma threatening him and now they both want to lock down the hottest DILF in the universe and agree to share.

Then Tarn shows up.

OoO

So a bunch of newbuilds, yes yes

AnimeSaber is not happy in the slightest like damn

And goddamn he's competent too! Calling Mags was a good idea

Fair, Pharma, fair. Awwwww yes yes they're gonna take care of the newbuild MTOs

oh mags

Roddie and Star Saber would TOTALLY DO THAT YES YES

Saber's got some of it figured out wayyy earlier than they did in canon, damn.

Sdghjko Ratty. Rattyyyyyy.

Panic! Panic! Revolution!

oh mins

Awww yes he's helping!!

"oh yes how about go fuck yourself instead, I'm keeping my medic buddy and my children. Au revoir bitch"

W Pharma for helping, he deserves the chill treatment

OOO DEATHSAURUS

Sdghj yes yes Deathsaurus and Pharma getting petty before coming to an agreement

Then Tarn shows up

Then Tarn shows up

Uh oh

[sarcassms]

The Elite Seeker trine are written as siblings for me, with Thundercracker being the tired oldest, Starscream being the middle with big aspirations and Skywarp being the youngest who just wants to have fun. Have some headcanons about them for possible interactions if your muse befriends one, or all of them:

Thundercracker:

He dislikes humans and organics the least out of all of them, so he’s the easiest to befriend- he already has a dog he adores, and if anything a organic friend is just as reasonable to him since you can give advice on how to care for dogs and he’ll be able to make Buster even happier. He also does know you’re likely far weaker than him as a giant alien robot, so he probably wouldn’t even try to fight you upon first meeting cause he’d feel like it’d be too easy and be bullying you.

His spark mutation gave him the ability to create sonic booms, to him, he finds this something a human or organic shouldn’t be around so you don’t get to see this unless he has to protect you from something and even then, he’s gonna use that last.

Show him media!! He wants to see what you guys have for entertainment! He wants to try his hand at writing movies too once he sees them just out of passing curiosity.

Most likely to let you sit in his cockpit in his alt mode for a flight. He just doesn’t want you touching anything, especially if you can’t fly jets. He’s driving. Do not touch.

The other two when made aware he befriended an organic aren’t surprised at all, their eldest brother has always been the one with doubt about the Decepticon cause but hey, they figure if you’re gonna be friends with Thundercracker- they need to know you’re worth his time, they’re judgemental younger siblings but they’re gonna let you be once you pass their scrutiny phase.

Starscream:

Prideful bitch who’s least likely to befriend a human out of his pride and his prior comments of organics being pathetic and disgusting, so even if you befriend him, he’ll often act like he isn’t friends with you out of embarrassment of having to go back on what he said before. That or he’ll act like he never said that, what are you talking about?

He tends to insist you’re the best organic there is once he’s over his pride and nobody else is better than you, so you’re the only one worth his time. He will keep you safe and instead of holding you in his palm like most would, he puts you on his shoulder, like a parrot, just to show off that you’re his organic friend!

There’s no way he’s letting you in his cockpit, I am so sorry, he’s got very high standards and he wants that thing spotless so he’s not letting anything go inside of that if he can help it. He will however, be willing to get the other two to fly you somewhere if need be.

Petty, he will talk shit with you, the moment you mention someone was cruel to you, you come back with more insults for them than you could reasonably think of on your own and methods of taking them down.

You can help him polish himself if you want, but he will probably be a bit critical of the job you do since he’s again, got way too high standards.

Despite this, he is a good friend and will defend you and go very far for you once you’re friends with him- he even thawed Skyfire out of the ice just because he was friends with him before the war- even when there was no certainty he was alive when he did it.

Skywarp and Thundercracker are baffled he’s made friends with an organic, their Screamer? Their air commander? Their second in command? How to hell did that happen? Which prompts him to show you off to them and instruct them to take care of you too, so you get two body guards since well- they’re ordered to be.

Skywarp:

While he dislikes organics, he isn't exactly firm on it- most of it is from his loyalty to Megatron and the Decepticons, his need to back up their ideals is what pushes this dislike, which is closer to indifference, and he won't think more about it, but Skywarp can be swayed if he meets one he likes- he's solely reliant on if he personally likes someone.

Now, if you have a giant robot alien friend who happens to push his other friends down the stairs as a fun prank, you will have to stress just a little that you're more fragile than that or he'll do it to you too. However, his pranks will be more tailored to what a human can withstand once he comes to recognise it- aka, he's grabbing you and teleporting you into various weird locations for funsies.

If you befriend him first, the other two will be curious about you, because for one, their little brother may be a popular decepticon but he never really socialises outside their ranks and also because he's stupid, so they want to make sure nothing bad's happening to him- but this will likely lead to your muse befriending them too since he'd put a good word in.

Skywarp will let you put make up on him, he’s the only one who would, solely because he does like his darker aesthetics and he canonically had eyeliner in one comic. The main issue is finding eyeliner that’s big enough for his optics.

Will let you fly in him too but thinks you’re probably better off having him teleport you, it’s faster, plus you probably find his need to go fast while flying sickness inducing.

[energon-with-a-curly-straw]

I feel like a lot of the g1 transformers could have been avoided if the decepticons just weren't such petty bitches and just... talked to the humans. A lot of the episodes are just, the decepticons causing trouble for the humans by trying to steal/generate power to convert into energon cubes.

It's not even that they consider humans akin to ants- their plans include deceiving humans, working against humans, possibly working with humans (with intent to double-cross, but I can't recall any examples off the top of my head). They remember humans individually.

Literally if the decepticons had just asked, we could have helped them. Not even for payment (although we would have accepted some of that sci-fi tech knowledge)- just so they'd stop destroying our fucking buildings.

Water turbines. The decepticon base is underwater. Tidal turbines were invented in 1970 during the oil crisis. We could have even had talks with marine ecologists on placement for like migrating patterns and shit. Just give them the plans and they'll build it themselves. Helping them help us by leaving our infrastructure the fuck alone

But no. Clearly ransacking the hydro dam once a week and whatever the fuck the Decepticon Day was is a much better plan than having some humility and self-awareness to ask for help from the local populous who just so happen to be organic

[bots-and-cons]

do i really have to ask it again because my fingers are killing me from writing it before XD but please the bots turned human tall story please

I considered not writing this because I felt annoyed at you for first of all sending the first two versions when I told you the requests were closed and now not even really requesting properly. I obviously don’t know if you have a condition or something that would cause it to hurt when you have to type something, but I just get an annoying vibe from this. I wrote it anyway though, even though it took a bit of looking to find the proper version of this request. I felt like being a petty bitch about this, but I decided against it. I’m not looking for an apology or anything, I just wanted to express what I thought

•You had followed Miko through the ground bridge when she went through after the bots, in an attempt to bring her back

•You were too slow though and she managed to touch the relic thingy and it went off

•There was a flash of light and when you got your sight back, you didn’t see the autobots anywhere

•Luckily the decepticons weren’t around and when you realized what had happened you called Ratchet to open the ground bridge again so you could get the bots out of there

•The bots started waking up and also noticed what had happened, they had turned into humans

•You were super confused about the whole thing obviously, but you were also worried, because Optimus wasn’t getting up

•So you slung his arm over your shoulder and started helping him through the ground bridge

•You all got back to the base and Ratchet is just sighing and asking “What the scrap happened?”

•You explained the whole relic going off thing, glaring at Miko for causing it and Ratchet was like “Ah, well it will pass… hopefully”

•You’ve been paying a lot of attention to Optimus since he seemed to be the one in the worst condition, but now that he’s fine you make sure the others are too

•You notice Arcee has a very attractive human form, you liked her a lot as a bot too but damn

•Arcee is also telling Miko she shouldn’t touch the relics, since it’s always caused problems when she does that

•You ask Arcee if she’s okay rubbing the back of your neck and smiling awkwardly

•She tells you yes, but that it’s a bit weird to be a human

•You sort of help Arcee be a human, while it lasts and you actually end up talking a lot

•You’re also like wayyyyy taller than her

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Personal Headcanons (Spoilers ahead):

Now I’ve wanted to post this for a while, but spoilers ahead for my story, I guess.

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So I brought Megatron in the story back in chapter 11, and of course, Buckethead’s gotta interact with the humans. No matter how much he doesn’t want to. But he’s got his own personal thing going, so in order to make it work, he’s gotta talk to the humans. He has a ranking system of who is the most tolerable human to ‘I would kill you if I wanted to, but it messes up my whole agenda’ So here’s the ranking and why:

1. Mikasa Ackerman: She’s a strong fighter, has no hesitation with killing what-so-ever, and doesn’t question orders when asked. His only issue with her is her attachment to Eren. He surmises it’s loyalty, which he understands, but it’s fucking Eren. He doesn’t not like him. Mikasa could pick anyone else. Other than that, he respects her.

2. Historia Reiss: She’d be #1 if she didn’t attempt to inject herself with the serum during the Coup. But she did turn herself around, take his advice, and kill her creator. Which is something I’d imagine he’d want to do. He’s got conflicting emotions about Primus, and would be willing to throw hands with the god if he ever saw him.

3. Armin Arlert: He’s not necessarily #3 for the sake of being #3. His feelings about Armin could very well be filed under ‘It’s complicated!!!!!’. Armin reminds Megatron too much of Orion Pax, but Megatron actually takes the time to get to know him and those feelings just become more and more complicated. It’s very painful and he hates it.

4. Erwin Smith: his battle tactics are very Decepticon like. He’ll do anything and everything to achieve his goals, which is something Megatron can get behind. The problem is Erwin’s goals don’t really align with Optimus Prime’s. Optimus wants to save humanity; Erwin’s trying to prove what’s in the basement. That’s an issue.

5. Jean, Connie, and Sasha: They have no real interaction with Megatron, and the titan is happy for that. The less humans he has to deal with the better. He did hear the nickname ‘Horseface’ through rumors, so if Jean does become a bother to him, at least he has something ready.

6. Hanji Zoe: She’s too much. Honestly. She constantly bothers him. She’s too loud and irritating. She also has information about his and Optimus’ shared history that shouldn’t have ended up in her hands in the first place, knowing that Optimus wouldn’t willing share that information with the humans unless he really trusted them. So that already puts her in a very dangerous spot in Megatron’s book. She’ll do anything to get the information that she wants. But believe it or not, she does move up on this list later on in the story.

7. Ymir: If this human does love Historia, why in the Allspark would she willingly go and save the enemy who would no doubt kill her later. He’s unsure if she’s a fool or a traitor, and he plans to keep tabs on her. Not that she’s be able to get very far. 

8. Eren Jaeger: Fuck him. No really. FUCK HIM! There is nothing special about him! He’s weak! He’s annoying! He’s a child with a tantrum! And he has his hands on a power that for some reason everyone wants! ‘Oh I’m going to kill all the titans!’ Bitch can’t even hold his own against 20! To top it off, Optimus is attached the stupid bug and Eren fucking adores him! Because of course that has to happen! And when Eren does go rouge later on in the story, he’s like ‘Yeah. Of course this is the ONE THING that needs to FUCKING HAPPEN!’ He would throw hands with him if it wasn’t for Optimus!

(It’s not like Megatron is jealous of Eren or anything-!)

And finally at the bottom of the list:

9. Levi Ackerman: You know people hate other people just for the sake of hating them? And as a result, everything they do just annoys the hell out of you? That’s what Megatron feels for Levi. He just doesn’t like him, and that’s just a fact. And it’s not for some real reason. He’s just being petty. Doesn’t matter that Levi is Humanity’s Strongest. Luckily, Levi hates him too, but it’s more because of him being a legit threat to the Survey Corps and Humanity’s safety, so much so that Optimus has a negative reaction towards Megatron. And Optimus is usually nice to everyone. Even when everything has settle and there’s a steady rhythm, the two just don’t like each other. If let alone for too long, they will throw insults at each other, they will flip each other off. They would probably fight each other for the sake of wanting to put the other in their place. That’s how much they hate each other.

Other than that, go check out my story from chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36583423/chapters/91243426

[artsy-hobbitses]

Could you give us some tidbits about the autobots twins sideswipe and sunstreaker? Like is sideswipe still a prankster or is sun streaker still kinda of a vain sociopath that doesn’t play nice with other unless there sideswipe. Oh and here’s a suggestion about bob, since he supposed to be a cuter but still deadly insecticon pet, why not give him the gargoyle or maybe undomesticated pokemon look.

They’re a little more serious here, for all intents and purposes, though that goes with TTB’s general feel.  They’re twin brothers born in New York to a manual working community with parents who were already broken by the system and were often absent due to the long shifts they worked, so these brothers were often left to fend for themselves and take care of each other throughout the day.  Sunstreaker got suspended from school at one point when he was 12 for brawling with a higher-class bully who was beating on Sideswipe (who harmlessly pranked the wrong person) so bad he broke their jaw and he just. Never went back because it was so much hassle and decide to start working odd jobs. Sideswipe did continue his education until the end of high school before joining the workforce but by then Sunstreaker had been working long enough that he had become as jaded about the situation as his parents were, except his response to it was hot white rage and indignation instead of hopeless apathy and he was starting to dabble in crime. Petty crime at first---being a lookout for contraband dealers, small thefts, then moving up to moving contraband himself and then moonlighting as an enforcer for a local mob, because the way he saw it, going straight and narrow in their working class was only going to ensure that they would die in the same gutters they were born into, and if the world would not give him an avenue to rise up, then he was going to make it for himself if he had to step through blood to get there (they don’t care about us, don’t you get it?) 

This is pretty much the early-day point of contention between these brothers even though they genuinely love each other. Sideswipe’s afraid of the path his brother is going down and how much of his soul he’s willing to give up to get where he wants to be, and Sunstreaker likes to play himself as more ruthless, experienced and capable than his ‘little’ (Sideswipe was born a few seconds after him) brother, who he’s always happy to dirty his hands to protect, because that’s what family does eh? Just don’t rat him out and keep out of his way is all he’s asking. 

Sunny’s not a sociopath. What he is, is a driven, resolute, arrogant son of a bitch with a mean streak a mile wide and a plan to get rich or die tryin’ with only a soft spot for his crew and no one else. 

Siders is less of a wholesale bastard, more of a peace-keeping prankster and is Sunny’s morality centre, who is absolutely ready to throw down with any bitch but still keeps his optimism about getting out of their situation without committing like, straight up murder and is protective of Sunny’s soul as compared to Sunny being protective of his physical well-being. 

Siders is the one who convinces Sunny to join Optimus’ side with him. Sunny initially was like ehhnnn Megatron is more my style tbh but then Megs decided to lock them up along with some other Autobots in order to try and convince them to join the Decepticon cause and if it’s one thing Sunny hates, it’s being told what to do/believe in (RIP taking orders from Prowl), so fuck you buddy, he and his bro are outta here. 

Bob is similar to the Brundlefly (TW David Cronenberg body horror) who was likely the result of forced experimentation to create hivemind soldiers, so he’s more insect than person and not so much a pet as he is a friend, possibly the first genuine friend Sunstreaker ever makes. He can’t really speak anymore, but he does repeat a sound vaguely similar to ‘Bob’ when Sunny asks if he ever had a name, so that became his name from there on. 

[scalproie]

Cbv soundwave?

First impression: NOT that much into the promo images of him not gonna lie, he looked... different. in a weird way. Obviously that changed when we actually saw him in the show. But still he was... different.

Impression now: KING KING KING 💙👑💙 legit my new favorite soundwave from all continuities, good design, good voice, sexy character AND sexy character development. He's a bitch, he's mean, he's a jock. He wasn't opposed to change. He's perfect. I have a new standard. I wanna see my man this instant.

Favorite moment: you see him there and there is s1 and then the show hit you with Soundwave Dance. I could legit cite most of his moments in s2. and s3. and s4 too goddamn. Remember when he took down a quintesson prosecutor with his bare hands and then played his own victory music? And when he said "feel the wave" during a literal beatboxing match? fuck it Im gonna mention everytime he did The Big Steppy. I love him so so so much💙 HIS FUCKING LAUGH WITH THE CLOWN MUSIC IN SECRET SCIENCE

Idea for a story: silly fix-it idea I had where after his final stunt he gets stuck, in true soundwave fashion, in another dimension and after a while when he gets enough strength back, he manages to send one (1) signal to someone on the other dimension, roddy and shadowstriker intercept it and after silly shenanigans, they and the entire population of cybertron bring him back. IMMEDIATELY after that, roddy and shadowstriker question him over WHO he send it to and you get the feeling its an argument theyve had all while looking for him. He reveals it was for laserbeak who has been with them at the time. And then he pass out while hearing his friends' laughter. Thats idea 1, idea 2 is a bit more canon-conforming (OR just ignores the final ep completely) and is all about Soundwave's Cyberverse Pining Adventures from the beginning of the wall-era all the way to after the new peace treaty. I affectionately call it "Go For It, Soundwave!!!"😊. Idea 3 is just... random "slow" moments if the quintesson arc had been slower paced. Like for some reason after learning about the scientist they cant go immediately looking for him and have to wait for a minute and its just the 6 + Mac having to hang out and theyre all together because since roddy beat him, clobber and dead end dont feel like they should stick to soundwave like in the beginning of the prisoner. And he stays away and its not getting to him to see them all together but also yeah it does. Because hes glitching and its scary and he hates that hes scared.

Unpopular opinion: said it before but I kinda like when he's just... a guy with a bird. I think the best part of cyb soundwave is the personality he has for once, and adding the cassettes wouldve taken away a bit from that I think. would not have been completely against cyb ravage tho.

Favorite relationship: AT NUMBER 4 WE HAVE: with laserbeak, a man and his bird can be so personal. AT NUMBER 3 WE HAVE: with shockwave, I love when characters hate each other equally and in such a petty way, especially when theyre both favs of mine. AT NUMBER 2: shadowstriker. listen, it's always a treat when decepticons gets along, and it's such a... natural relationship too. They dont really feel forced, they just spend a lot of time together and you can just feel the familiarity wittout them needing to "voice it out". And it's nice that it's with SOUNDWAVE of all cons because, just like the other big 4 decepticons of high command, he's usually a loner in previous continuities. AND AT NUMBER 1 WE HAVE: who else lol. Im a sucker for crossfaction pairing. Theyre both big favs of mine, they have almost 8 episodes worth of being glued together to the frame. Theres the climax and the final scene before the epilogue of the Finale. Theres parallels and callbacks. It's just aesthetically pleasing in general but its not like, out of nowhere. I wouldve KILLED for an interaction between the two in peacetime. Or just more time. congrats on Hot Rod for winning.

Favorite headcanon: never outgrew the dance fever, is just repressing REALLY hard in war time. was in charge of the official decepticon twitch channel, and human relationships in general on top of communication officer. Never was in a single cringe comp by virtue of dropping killer albums there and there. kiss exclusively by bonking foreheads. Can dish it but cant take it.

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

"and i WAS kinda gonna inckude dirt boss from tfa, but i ship him with Slipstream" Excuse me, what?! I'm disgusted yet intrigued. So, I know that I might regret this, but do you have any headcanons about them? -💝 Anon

I was hoping no one would ask, but fuck it, I’ll explain.

First, let me explain HOW it happened. In my fic, ‘no homo bro’, Megatron is no longer the top decepticon. This left Dirt boss in charge, who managed to gain the starscream clones as followers. Slipstream, being the only fem, decided she’d be ‘his girl’, for the sake of having power. Making her under Dirt boss, but above her trine mates. With that out of the way, let’s get some thoughts as to why I kinda see them being together.

They are together in a give and take relationship. She’s with him because it grants her power, and he’s with her because...well, she’s a bratty seeker, any mech would want in on a little trophy like that.

They pretend to like each other. But god they fucking hate each other. She’s a fucking bitch who won’t shut up, he’s a stubby little asshat whose temper is bigger than his spike.

Having said that, there are SOME feelings there. No one knew how it happened, but them hating each other actually made them care for one another. Like if someone was picking on Slipstream, he’d take that shit personally, and only SHE gets to make fun of his tiny dick. Though everyone gets to call him short, she thinks its funny.

Dirt boss is constantly touching her. Grabbing her ass, holding her hip. She hates his little grabby hands, but if he stopped, she’d get so fucking offended.

Their definition of a romantic night? Them starting a fight over some petty shit, fucking each other’s processors out, then insulting each other over a good smoke break. He calls her a fucking chicken ass looking skank, she calls him more useless than a broken condom. It makes them both laugh.

They have non insult nicknames, but you can tell they aren’t affectionate. He calls her stuff like “tweety bird”, “Doll”, “lady”, and a rather rare one, “Ducky”. She calls him “Shmoopie”, “Short stack”, “babe”, and “munchkin”.

I actually have a song that really suits them? I’ll link below, but essentially they’re saying fuck you, but like, poetically. 

All in, they hate each other to the point of affection, is what I’m trying to say.

https://youtu.be/98Xju_5mepA

[baebeyza]

Imma be very negative about Cvb, so just ingore if ye don't wanna see, not tagging it either.

This new special had some very good parts, but it carries over some of the very dumb shit I hated about Cyberverse this whole time.

Yes, I don't like Cyberverse, but still watched the specials since they are part of the story.

The first special was okay, not complaining about that one. It was pure fun.

The second, tho?

I have two points I just didn't like at all:

1. Optimus' bullshit about Megatron

Those few lines about how Megatron rose against unjust rulers and was forced to do battle because of them.

Sorry, when was this part of the damn backstory??? Are you telling me when Bee and Shockwave were high-fiving each other, they actually watched slave-bloodsport??? Nice hobby, Bee.

Also talking about Megatron's bad experience, like what experience??? He seemed to be fine as the spectacle after winning a match!

Nothing in season 1 about those flashbacks ever gave any hint about Cybertron suffering, btw. They were always having a nice, chill time.

These added lines had me pissed, because they are not supported by anything.

WFC wasn't that much better in terms of not giving a concrete backstory to Megatron, but with that Megatron, it is actually believable through his personality, actions and reactions that yeah, he did have horrible experiences that led him on this path. You could tell what his plans and ambitions were, that he wanted to be the hero to save and change Cybertron.

What goal does Megatron in cvb really have? Nothing much, just defeating the Autobots and failing every oppurtunity. He didn't even care about Cybertron, as he was damn ready to destroy the Allspark just so he could go down as a petty bitch.

How does this supposed sad backstory feature into this?

Cvb Megatron is more on the same wave-length as TFP Megatron. That Megs has a backstory as a freedom fighter, but it matters absolutely nothing anymore. You could write that out and nothing would change and nothing would be lost.

Another thing is why the fuck should Tarn give a shit? He had a different Megatron, the one Optimus didn't know. Also, Tarn is the perfect Decepticon, everything he did to his personality and dialogue is pretty much what a Decepticon should be.

That is what Megatron was and wanted his soldiers to be. No sad backstory will change that the overall Decepticon philosophy is exactly what Tarn had said: "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. If you are strong enough."

Perfect, Megatron would be so proud. Optimus, please try to see your dead ex as the fucker he was.

These lines by Optimus are trying to add more depth to a story and character that has none, I don't appreciate this back-handed bullshit.

2. Soundwave

I like this Soundwave, thought his sacrifice was good.

But WHY did they write him the way they did???

After Tarn's deception reveal, Soundwave joined him and it was clear from the beginning that he wasn't sincere in it and just wanted to deceive Tarn himself at the end.

But what came out of that one?

Nothing.

Shadowstriker was like "The Cons aint fighting for you, Tarn!" And Soundwave was like "Yeah, I am on her side."

And then, after this absolute dumbass reveal and open backstabbery, guess what happened? Tarn fought back. Who would have guessed that saying "I have deceived you" before taking action wouldn't work out.

See, that is why you aint a perfect Decepticon, Soundwave.

I am just pissed at this because they play it up as Soundwave being a smart one and having a plan, when in the end, nothing came out of this particular "deception."

He did save the day at the end, but nothing was gained from trying to trick Tarn. He didn't need to have tricked Tarn to do what he did.

And I am here thinking, why did they write this shit?

They could have done this so much better with very little change.

Since Soundwave has been shown to stick to his Decepticon habits and methods, they could have just have his decision to join Tarn be genuine!

Let him join Tarn because he thinks he is still a Decepticon at spark.

Optimus and Shadowstriker could have given him doubts throughout the story, causing inner turmoil.

Scratch that bullshit reveal of his "deception" and let him fight on Tarn's side during the big battle.

And then, when Hot Rod gets severly injured, let him have a change of heart and do what he does in the end.

Would that not be a better story? Some actual character drama with a nice conclusion? Him wishing he could go back to the old ways, but being faced by his own change and seeing just how destructive the Decepticon path had always been. Realising that he doesn't wish for that anymore and that was just trying to re-create a feeling of home that never existed?

They try to paint him as a hero who was still a Decepticon at heart by having done the deceiving, but it sucks. His deception was just stupid. They are trying to make him look smart when he simply isn't. Now we see he is a hero because he sucked as a Decepticon-

Again, I liked the sacrifice he made at the end, but why so hollow? They were already trying to add more depth to a damn puddle with this stupid lines about Megatron, and they were obviously trying to give more to Soundwave, but did it work?

No. Not for me.

To me, Cyberverse constantly tries to go deeper, but never committing to anything, always pulling up before it gets too much. And that was simply annoying to view.

[lord-squiggletits]

I feel like if I had to make a list of the worst written moments/plots in IDW1 it would have to be (in no particular order)

The entire existence of the Functionist Universe as a plotline that only exists for the narrative to say about Megatron, "well sure he slaughtered billions and was a colonizer, but without him Cybertron would be worse off and also the Functionist Council would've genocided organics anyways"

Everything to do with Onyx Prime = Shockwave ruining the emotional climax of Dark Cybertron/Shockwave's character arc and cheapening the ENTIRE CONTINUITY by making all of Cybertronian history and elaborate plan orchestrated by One Guy

Pyra Magna being built up to be OP's foil only to almost never interact with him, but then bitch at him about how he's "not able to be taught" as if she ever made any effort to teach him anything. Really the entirety of Pyra Magna's character being a wasted opportunity

That stupid bullshit of the humans being willing to work with the Decepticons who genocided 900 million of them to "build a peaceful commune" while seeing the Autobots (who defended them against the Decepticons) as evil because somehow Megatron switching his badge retroactively made all of his crimes the Autobots' responsibility I guess? Also Galvatron is constantly referring to humans as insects and fleshlings and is a functionist towards the cassettes, and this apparently raises no alarms for the humans or Soundwave

Drift (This is a petty inclusion he just annoys me)

Spotlight: Arcee and everything to do with Simon Furman and his treatment of female transformers, for obvious reasons

[vivifrage]

how about soundwave :3?

Soundwaaave! :D Thank you!

Why I like them

The One Competent Decepticon. Possibly The One Competent Cybertronian. Particularly in TFP. I love ‘em all but he’s the one that is not an overdramatic petty bitch. It’s a fun contrast. Plus, I have a soft spot for the quiet types. (Hollow actually reminds me a lot of him - tall, quiet, skilled.) Also he comes with friends and that’s just great.

Why I don’t

This isn’t TFP Soundwave but I really don’t like TFA Soundwave. TFA Soundwave, from what I remember, felt a little too much Monster Of The Week, especially compared to all the other characters.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

The zombie one. He only shows up for that short bit but it’s great.

Favorite season/movie

Uhhh... 3? 2 or 3 for TFP, I think.

Favorite line

I mean he only has the one

Soundwave: superior >:3

Favorite outfit

If we’re going by what he transforms into, I gotta say I like the Reaper drone best. What the fuck were they doing making him a van for RiD2015? What the fuck was RiD2015 even trying? Anyhow, I think the Reaper drone very neatly encapsulated the role he served and summed up how terrifying he was.

OTP

I have never been a super strong shipper but I do kinda like WaveWave.

Brotp

Him and Megatron. Bros 4 life.

Head Canon

...Honestly Transformers is that rare fandom where I just consume the content and don’t really make any/don’t go for the fandom stuff XD Not any more, at least. I guess I tend to headcanon him as like, a True Neutral kind of person who happened to be buddies with a... is Megs Lawful or Chaotic Evil? Either way, buddied up with him, and never really set to being like “huh maybe this isn’t somewhere I agree with morally.”

Unpopular opinion

I mean I don’t know the popular opinions. I don’t know how controversial one’s stance on RIRFIB/RIBFIR is, but uhh Rumble is red? That’s not even Soundwave himself that’s just his dumbasses.

Uhhh he’s still very expressionless under his mask, I guess? idk idk

A wish

If they do more Bumblebee-style movies, I hope he shows up more

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Okay I really liked his setup in TFP where he was powerful AF but just kinda skulked in the background until he showed up to wreck shit. So basically RiD2015 already ruined that with the utterly disappointing way they MOTW’d him.

5 words to best describe them

Quiet, patient, loyal, skilled... uhh panopticon? Except he is always watching.

My nickname for them

I think I see Sounders around here and there but I don’t nickname him much.

[thanksjro]

Eugenesis, Epilogue Scene One: Buckle Up Chuckle-Fucks, It’s GO TIME.

Let me start by saying that Eugenesis is a novel that doesn’t do well with being spoiled. I have been waiting for these stupid fucking robots to get knocked up for over 250 pages now, and it has had this whole project soaking in a general anticipation that’s had my teeth on edge for literal weeks. I’ve had fun, oh absolutely. For all my wailing and moaning, this has been a fun experience. I just wish I’d been able to jump in and just get fully and completely bitch-slapped by what I now know has to be just over the horizon. It just has to be. To have the slow, dawning horror of what’s to come- now that would have been something else.

Then again, I probably wouldn’t have started this blog if I hadn’t known, so it’s all about even I’d say. Can’t exactly go back and change the past, y’know? Just gotta make do.

Also, why does nobody ever bring up just how unbelievably dark this novel is? It’s always about the mechpreg, but not a word of the fucking suicide party. What’s up with that?

Alright, enough pontificating. Let’s go.

And I thought the last Part title was on the nose. Alright, let’s see who’s gone and had premarital relations.

So, it’s the day after the battle, and everyone’s cleaning up the bodies. There are a lot of bodies.

Wheeljack and Sygnet are hard at work fixing up the former POWs, trying to get them back to working order.

I thought Soundwave more or less took care of this issue. Maybe there’s still some lingering side-effects to the Inhibitor Chip.

Outside, Chromedome and Throwback- it’s always fucking Throwback- are digging through the wreckage of the Ark, trying to find enough of Bluestreak to put back together.

Fortunately, unless there’s something really weird I missed about the Ark, chairs don’t have mouths, so this should be the real deal that they’ve found. They start hauling Bluestreak back towards Delphi, when Astrotrain shows up, carrying a Nightbeat that makes Bluestreak’s current condition look downright pristine.

Shortly after, Perceptor goes to check on our dear detective, greeted by the grim musings of Red Alert in the waiting room. It’s not looking good for Nightbeat; they can’t find a sparkline, and he just started seizing. Ratchet gets called in.

While this chaos is happening, Hosehead asks about Optimus’ last words.  

Well, it’s a good thing he undeaded Rodimus with the Matrix, then, isn’t it?

Soundwave enters the scene, asking for a moment of Perceptor’s time. They step into the other room, and Soundwave announces that the Decepticons are leaving, and will be staying in the Quintesson Fortress for the time being. Perceptor thinks that this is all a little sudden, and asks about where the factions currently stand. If Soundwave has his way, the war is over. However, if Galvatron is still alive…

Soundwave, if he shows back up, just punch your fingers through the guy’s skull and kill him at this point. This is ridiculous.

Ratchet, your bedside manner is atrocious.

Meanwhile, Wheeljack is talking shop with Sygnet- or rather, talking it at him- when the guy just up and leaves the room. Soundwave’s just let all the Decepticons know it’s time to get going. Wheeljack knows that Sygnet was entertaining the thought of being an Autobot again, and tries to appeal to his better nature. It doesn’t work.

Wheeljack, that’s petty.

Sygnet leaves, flying off into the sunset after his comrades.

Before he left, Soundwave mentioned that the Autobots may want to leave Delphi for somewhere less… exploded. Perceptor took the suggestion to heart, and the Autobots are packing everything up to move into… Kledji concentration camp. Yeah, I know, but it’s the only place with enough space for all of them.

Perceptor returns to the medical bay to speak with Ratchet, who’s in over his head at this point. There are simply too many bodies for the supplies they have left. They’re running out of usable equipment, and the anti-Inhibitor Chip won’t be done for another couple weeks at least, meaning that the POWs are just going to keep deteriorating. Ratchet’s had to make some hard decisions. Decisions on who lives and who dies. Prowl is about to be one of those decisions.

Perceptor leaves.

Over at the Quintesson Fortress, Soundwave is contemplating a new name for their new digs. He’s liking the sound of Xerxes, which was the name of the stadium where he’d first met Megatron.  

Killlllll hiiiiiiiiim.

Soundwave goes a-wanderin’ through the medical wards, where there’s more than enough room and supplies left from when the Quintessons were here. Hey, uh, Soundwave? Think you could maybe slide some of that medical goodness over Ratchet’s way so he doesn’t have to play god? Maybe? Hmmmmm?

Sygnet found a cache of the Inhibitor Chips to play with, so the deadline on those anti-Chips just became null and void, as they start injecting edited ones into the POWs. They have no idea what the side-effects will be, but at least they won’t be paralyzed and have their brains decaying inside their heads.

Off in the corner, Scourge is about to come back online. Oh, so he’s okay. Where’s Cyclonus? I wanna see him.

Oh no, that means Cyclonus is probably dead, isn’t he? I was hoping he’d be in this at least a bit more than he was. Darn.

Why Scourge knows what’s happening currently can’t be addressed right now, because Soundwave’s just gone into labor.

Yeah. Just like that. No preamble. He just does. Everyone just kinda watches in horror as this happens- apparently if you so much as think about touching someone during morphbirth you’ll fuck up the baby. Soundwave’s having just an awful time- everything hurts and his joints are all bleeding. He’s too old for this shit. He’s not even someone who’s supposed to be able to do this.

The horrors of parenthood just keep going- for never having done this before, Soundwave sure is an overachiever.

That is eighteen robots, for those keeping track at home. Once Soundwave’s chest stops vomiting up goo, Fulcrum finally remembers that he’s a doctor and gets the guy a little privacy, by putting up some partitions around him and his literal mess of children. Now they just have to wait as the coding kicks in.

Oh boy, lets see what we got in our mechpreg grab bag!

...Xenon what did YOU DO??

Man, that postpartum depression is grabbing Soundwave right off the bat.