#death and crowley i love you you deserved better

[frenchublog]

[frvmewxrk]

i’m in my analysing good omens era and i was just thinking at how aziraphale’s and crowley’s love languages are a big part of the reason it took them so long to figure out their reciprocated love.

when you’re a demon, an unforgivable creature, you don’t deserve to hear that you’re loved. demons don’t go around telling each other nice things, what they do if they want to show it, is acts of services.

a demon wouldn’t tell you you’re good, but they would cover up your duties for you and say that it’s so you owe them a favour which they will never claim, they wouldn’t say they love you but they would linger on your doorstep for a bit too long and steal your scarf as an excuse to meet you again.

and that’s what crowley does, he keeps aziraphale company and he makes him try food, he says that it’s to tempt him when it’s just an excuse to see the angel happy, he saves you from death situations and says that it’s because your substitute would be more of a bother than you are.

crowley never tells aziraphale anything, and that’s his way of showing him he loves him.

but when you’re an angel, doing nice things for each other is the norm, it’s the way to show the universe that you’re Good.

angels don’t go around giving each other’s things or doing your work for you, because that should be what you would do to anyone. if an angel gives you money, it’s not because they love you, it’s because they’re a good selfless person.

aziraphale does that countless times, he gives people his stuff, he never asks for money, he uses more miracles than necessary even if it means that he’ll get a reprimand just so he can help strangers on the street. acts of services for an angel are just intertwined in their essence.

so the only way to actually show it is to talk. if an angel loves someone, they have to tell them, if they love someone they tell them that they’re good and that they’re worth it. aziraphale positively lights up any time someone compliments him, because that’s what he needs to know that he’s loved.

so aziraphale tells crowley he’s good even if he knows that will make crowley skittish, aziraphale tells crowley that he always comes to save him to praise him for his caring, he tells crowley that he needs him and that’s the most loving words he could say, because what does an ethereal creature capable of anything need from anyone? their love, probably.

but they don’t understand each other.

crowley uses acts of service and aziraphale takes it as his way to show his forbidden goodness to the world, aziraphale uses words of affirmation and crowley thinks that’s his way of feeling better about himself for consorting with a demon.

why is 1941 and crowley saving his books so important for their relationship? because i think that’s when aziraphale realised the truth, crowley had already done his “good” act, he had already proved as he did countless times that he is not the usual demon and he’s actually nice, but saving something just because he knows aziraphale cares about that, and giving no excuse for his action, that’s something else.

it was the first act done, in aziraphale’s eyes, for no reason other than love.

aziraphale then tells him that he could do something for him in return, people interpret it as sexual (which i find very funny, mind you) but i think it’s just aziraphale’s way of telling crowley that he can also show him his love through acts, if that’s what crowley wants, he can save him back if that will mean crowley will realise that he loves him too.

and that’s why i also think that crowley is not very sure about the love being reciprocated, because he never had the realisation that aziraphale is always around him and telling him nice things because that’s how he can show his love.

and it is even worsened in the end, because if crowley knew, he would have waited for him.

it can be seen as a selfish act on crowley’s part, wanting your lover to put you over saving the universe, but i think it’s because crowley doesn’t know what aziraphale is doing. he can’t know that aziraphale is actually disregarding all of his feelings for the greater good, because crowley doesn’t know about these feelings.

what he thinks is that what he always thought was true, his angel doesn’t love him back and he chose heaven over him.

if they actually talked, it would’ve been resolved.

but the problem is that they don’t talk, they cling to their love and beliefs and they think that the other has finally caught up, and they are so convinced that they know everything of each other that they don’t find the need to do it.

[twstfanblog]

Is it mean of me to want Yu in the Manhwa AU to end up with someone outside of the trio? (if she ends up with anyone at all) like good living is the best kind of revenge in this situation where the people who wronged you won't ever know what they did wrong. Idk but if I were to be betrayed like that, I don't think I could stand to look at their faces, much less get along with them. Maybe she picks one of her new friends or maybe she inherits Crowley's title and land and becomes an inspiration to young ladies everywhere as a successful and independent badass.

The world is her oyster now that she's not chained down by those cinderblocks.

Not mean at all! There's one Manhwa called Kill the Villainess that does that and I LOVE IT.

This is mainly to clear something up. But Yuu doesn't want revenge in this new timeline, she just wants a happier life than what she had before

And she's been having it! She's got more friends than ever, even though she's made herself a shut in Yuu is content.

When she re-enters society thats when the boys start to slowly try to creep in. Yuu still keeps them at an arms length and thats because she thinks they still hate her. She got closer to Azul again because Azul lied about who he was. And in those few weeks they spend talking again, Yuu's crush on Azul reawakens though she thinks these are new feelings for a new person.

Of course, the lie comes to light because Azul got too comfortable and slipped up while they were having a private meeting. Yuu realizes who Azul is and tries to leave immediately. Azul honestly has a breakdown. The man falls to his KNEES, gripping onto Yuu's dress, just TEARS. Begging her to not leave, he's changed, he's better, he's sorry, he's so sorry, she deserved better than what he was and he is now! Please don't leave him, please-

Yuu, conflicted beyond belief because in her mind, THIS is her first time seeing Azul in A DECADE, and he's begging her to stay with him. In the end, Yuu manages to kneel down and help Azul through his sobfest. Once he's all cried out and thinking clearly again, the embarrassment hits and he tries to shy away a bit. Yuu manages a little laugh and pokes him in his cheeks, teasing him a bit like when they were kids. It's soft and it makes them both relax a bit more.

Azul apologizes for his breakdown, saying he'd...understand if Yuu never wanted to see him again...

Yuu...hesitates because...does she never want to see Azul again? She stopped talking to them because she thought thats what THEY WANTED, that they wanted her to leave them alone. She's leagues happier than she was in her first life, but she still MISSED THEM.

Yuu realizes that's dangerous, that she never questioned WHY they hated her, if they really did hate her, because it doesn't seem to be the case now. Is it possible that in this new life, they never hated her in the first place? And she just abandoned three of her closest friends without warning?

Yuu tells Azul she'll send him a letter, but to not contact her first. And that's way more than Azul ever thought he was gonna get, so he agrees. They leave on... neutral terms.

Yuu doesn't want revenge because she honestly stopped talking to the boys because even after her death, she still CARES ABOUT THEM. And if her not being in their lives was going to make them happier, then so be it.

[yuri-is-online]

Happy Holidays! I’ve been on a bit of an angst fix lately, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to brainrot in your inbox about it.

I’ve been thinking about a scenario where Yuu just finally snaps. I mean, an entire school year of being trapped in a foreign world with no certain hope of seeing your family again, being forced to contend with (at least) 7 life-or-death scenarios, the massive egos these teenage boys have, and probably at least a little bullying from the NRC students for being magicless. I mean come on, I love our boys and all, but a lot of them are kind of awful people. There’s no way a regular person’s mental health survives that.

And maybe Yuu, tired of it all, packs up what little they have and leaves. Surely their prospects couldn’t get any worse than at NRC. Maybe Yuu tries their luck at RSA in finding someone to help them go home. Maybe Yuu just wanders until they find somewhere where they can be something. Would they even leave a letter behind explaining what happened to them, or would they just assume no one would care anyway?

I just want some more Yuu angst lol

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Happy Holidays to you too annon! Everyone is welcome to brainrot in my inbox, especially about Yuu. And I do have some ｢(ｰﾍー;) but I might be a bit nicer to the NRC boys than they deserve.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, more fleshed out fic can be found on my masterlist here. SPOILERS FOR UNRELEASED CH 7 CONTENT. CW for abandonment issues, ptsd, bullying, and just general ignorance on the part of the OB boys. Heavy on the angst, this is a mega oof tm of a post.

I want to start off by saying that, in my personal opinion based off of the in game voicelines and vignettes, that the various NRC boys do like Yuu and enjoy having them around. They think of them as the same of any other freshmen student at NRC, which is sort of the problem.

The average NRC freshmen has magic, a dormitory with a housewarden responsible for "guiding" them, and a family they can fall back on if things get rough. The average student has a basic understanding of the history of the world they live in, of it's pop culture, it's food, it's clothes, and a bunch of other things that they might not think about because of how ingrained it is in their very being. Yuu has none of those things. They don't even have a cannon club which I think is more meant to allow players to have head cannons, but since we are talking angst I have wondered if since Yuu and Grim are one student, any club Yuu wanted to join would have to take Grim as well and no one wanted to deal with that. So Grim started his own "club" and Yuu just takes pictures of birthday celebrations and events they aren't able to fully participate in for the school at Crowley's request.

Ace's first reaction to Yuu is to bully them for not having magic. Deuce admits to having done the same thing as when he was a child, and is very embarrassed by it. We don't really see Yuu getting outright bullied outside of this, but given how the faceless students reacted to Deuce being excited for Starsending, yeah I think Yuu has had to deal with some bullying. And while I do think Adeuce (and the rest of Heartslabyul really) would stick up for them, it wouldn't make it stop. If anything it just gets sneakier and Yuu, not wanting to cause any problems, does their best to cover it up. Something about keeping a stiff upper lip or a smile better suiting a hero and all that.

The overblots is a whole separate issue. We get two real apologies, one from Riddle and one from Vil, who again do not take Yuu being magicless in to much thought. They think of Yuu highly! They are a housewarden of their own little dorm! And they take such good care of Grim and the others, not to mention all those overblots you survived! Not many mages can claim that but you can! What could you possibly have to be stressed about?

As if that isn't the entire problem. As if anyone understands where Yuu is coming from. As if they even would care if they did.

They might be just as capable as any other freshmen, but when school ends, hell even when it goes on a break, they have no where to go. They were stripped from their friends, family, and especially their belongings, including money and autonomy! I have some thoughts about my own Yuu wanting to be nurse in her world, but given how much of even basic medical care seems to rely on magic in Twisted Wonderland I wonder if that would even be a career path any magicless person could take. We know a lot of them work at Styx because they don't risk blot accumulation, but even cooking is done with magic (if it can be) in Twisted Wonderland! How would you feel if you had your heart set on being a doctor, worked really hard to get good grades and took up a part time job to save for college/university only to be transported to a different world with different laws of physics completely against your will. A world where all that hard work is meaningless and you might not be able to accomplish those dreams of yours. And! AND AND! If you get upset about it, that will be seen as a weakness on your part and no one will care.

Because hey, they had to work for what they have. Why can't you? They didn't ask to be born with magic (even though they would have probably) so there is no use crying about things you can't change. Ruggie and Jamil do seem to feel a bit of sympathy to Yuu's plight, but neither of them think twice about exploiting Yuu for their own gain. Sure it might be unfair, but life is in general! It's not their fault, they aren't to blame. And that's really how all of NRC sees it, they aren't to blame for Yuu's circumstances, so they aren't owed any special treatment.

How Yuu snaps and what they do because of it would really come down to how you hc your Yuu to be. My own personal thoughts come back to personal autonomy a lot; I don't think Yuu has much of it and that would grate on me constantly. I could see Yuu hearing their friends talk about their plans for the future, and though Ace and especially Deuce try to include them in the conversation they can't add much. Ace applauds them, says "we need to take things easy! We're still freshmen..." and drones on about how he just wants to enjoy school life. And maybe Yuu does too, but they have no concrete answer about whether or not they can get home. They don't have the support system that their classmates do, so there really isn't anything waiting for them after the school year ends. Yuu feels so helpless, and they don't have the words to explain how they feel, because how could they?

If Malleus's overblot ends without any real repercussions (which I doubt it will but hey, I am like 65/35 on whether or not he apologizes to Yuu specifically for almost killing them I will be so pissed if he doesn't) I could see everyone else making fun of Malleus for loosing while Yuu just. Stares off into the distance, trying really hard not to cry in front of people they are convinced will make fun of them. This has all been scary, things like this just aren't possible in their world and they aren't mentally prepared to face death again.

And they are convinced they will. You can say overblots are rare all you like, but Yuu has practically seen one once a month ever since they arrived in this world. It is normal to them, and who should they trust? The lying headmaster or their lying eyes and ears?

If Yuu decides to run away, I think that the Ramshackle ghosts might try to stop them. Sure the headmaster sucks, but your ghost buddies really love you! And want to support you in anyway they can, so does Grim! He wants to be together for the next 100 years, and while he does really want to stay at NRC so he can be the world's greatest mage... I think he might love Yuu more. Just a tiny bit. He would play it off as him being too good for the school, or that he and Yuu are only one student after all so he will be expelled... but really he wants to come with because he will be worried about Yuu.

While going to RSA does sound nice on paper, Yuu doesn't really have a reason to go there. They aren't exactly on first name basis with any of the students we've met so far, and there is always the risk of Che'nya snitching to Riddle and Trey. Better to try and find a place where they can be something and maybe send letters to all the magical academies they can get contact information for to see if they can help. And also, to see if they will accept Grim as a full student, got to make sure he isn't sacrificing his dream for nothing!

The ghosts, realizing they can't convince Yuu not to leave decide to help. They already sell things at the markets downtown, so maybe they chat with some of their clients and convince them to let Yuu rent a room for a while. You have the option in Portfest to mention you have been to Craneport before, and I like the thought of Yuu having a part time job there. Maybe the ghosts explain that Yuu has no real family to go back to and Yuu's part time employer agrees to give them a full time job while Yuu figures out where they want to go.

Another thing related to personal autonomy, Yuu wouldn't have government documents if they just got isekaid out of the blue. I could see that being a huge issue for traveling to different countries and trying to establish a life. I also wonder if Crowley even did anything about that... but assuming he did since he (allegedly) talked to the school board about what to do with Yuu I think the ghosts would get them for Yuu on the condition they still come visit sometimes.

As for the note, I think Yuu would leave one simply because they feel like they didn't have the words to explain themselves out loud. And because they don't want to face the fight they know will come where everyone tells them to just suck it up and get on with it. These are teenage boys they are dealing with, their brains just can't fully comprehend the situation Yuu is in and they have given up expecting them to.

Just so we're clear, I think this would devastate Ace and Deuce, maybe to the point of destroying their friendship, at least for a while. Ace does think about Yuu not having magic, he wants to protect them. He says so when you level him to max, that protecting you will be easy, but clearly it wasn't. Clearly he failed you, and what does Ace do when he feels bad? He takes it out on everyone else and in this case especially Deuce. Deuce just feels stupid, which he already does a lot, but he really saw you as being around for the rest of his life. And now you aren't, and not for a happy reason like you got to go home. You aren't there because they failed you.

The others are a bit of a mixed bag I could do a separate post about but to hit the other big one...

I have no real idea how Malleus would react. I can see him thinking this means Yuu is afraid of him now, which I don't think he would react well to, but assuming this is post ob then he might be willing to take responsibility for it. It would certainly make him think, but how that thought would manifest? Outside of the obvious weather changes I do not know. I could see him being slightly resentful to his mother for cursing him to be hated by humans and loved only by fae when he so desperately wanted to be loved by one specific human. They were his first real friend, and he didn't treasure them in a way they found meaningful.

idk Yuu dropping off the grid isn't something I can see Crowley letting happen, but I can see why Yuu would want to try.

[good-soupmens]

Apply this to Aziraphale how you will, but as an autistic person, I REALLY fell for Metatron's kind old man act. I didn't notice the subtle manipulation, like giving Aziraphale coffee and saying "I've ingested things in my time" to show that he's different from the food-hating, earth-hating angels. I didn't notice him taking on Aziraphale's speech mannerisms before turning away and scowling. It was only after reading meta and rewatching twice that I was like WOAH I didn't even see that.

I can see that heaven's system is screwed up, but I literally thought "Metatron's not like the other angels." I trusted his kindness, especially given that he wanted Aziraphale to run heaven, obviously the best angel for the job. I didn't consider that he wanted to appoint him because he knows Aziraphale is powerful and has stopped heaven and hell before.

I was right along with Aziraphale when all of this went down, agreeing with him when he didn't want the job ("where would I get my coffee?") and then seeing the appeal when Metatron said he could run heaven from earth WITH Crowley. They get to keep living the life they carved out for each other AND Aziraphale can fix the corruption in heaven? I love seeing kind-hearted characters fixing broken things, and I wanted him to fix the system.

As for Crowley becoming an angel again, I didn't really think of it as changing him. He's just Crowley, and he'd keep being Crowley. He's good already. I saw it as heaven offering to right their wrong because he never deserved to fall in the first place, and they wouldn't let someone they believed is evil back in, right? I trusted their judgment of Aziraphale and Crowley. I didn't consider that of COURSE Crowley wouldn't want to go back there. Why would he??

So when Aziraphale finally told him about the offer, I was hoping he would agree. It's important, they could change things! Metatron is claiming to give Aziraphale the reins. Crowley and Aziraphale for once are allowed to be together, and Aziraphale was so ready to not hold back in their relationship. There'd be no reason to deny it or go slow, it's obvious that their love is mutual.

It wasn't a surprise that Crowley said no, and deep down, Aziraphale knew why, but he didn't understand. Crowley and Aziraphale weren't seeing how the other saw it (that Aziraphale WANTS to be together. He wants to make heaven a better place, but Crowley believes it'll never happen, and heaven means to manipulate him). They truly would be the perfect team if they were in charge.

But the problem: that's not what Metatron or heaven intends. "Give me coffee or give me death" meant that if Aziraphale didn't accept the offer, he would've been destroyed. Metatron knew he'd accept, and based on the glare he gave Crowley, I don't think Crowley was ever really in his plan. Metatron will try to use Aziraphale and his power to end the world, and he has no idea he's a pawn. He fell for Metatron's apparent kindness and got swept away with the idea that he and Crowley wouldn't have to hide.

It's heartbreaking because I AM frustrated with Aziraphale, but I know why he chose heaven. There's trauma underlying his actions as well, and he didn't need MAGIC coffee (sorry, I'm mean about coffee theory) to fall hook, line, and sinker for what Metatron was selling. He loves Crowley so much, but if his plans to change heaven worked, he'd be saving the entire world from destruction.

People are still like "NO NO NO, how could he leave Crowley? He must've been hypnotized" when he is putting the WORLD first. That's not to say he won't regret it immediately, miss Crowley the entire time, or even change his mind, but it all happened so fast, and Crowley seemingly gave out on him. He refused, said "good luck", and started to leave. They didn't communicate with each other. I don't think Aziraphale was leaving him forever, but he thought "I HAVE to do this". Crowley is right, but Aziraphale can't see it another way.

Now he has to try his best to change heaven. In the end, he'll see the mistake he made and owe an apology to Crowley, but he has to figure it out on his own. After it's all said and done, it could be the last time they hold back from each other. Going through an angst arc of THIS magnitude would be worth it, and Neil Gaiman is a genius

[the-great-empress]

After seeing last post I have to agree. How did Crowley lost to lilith?

Crowley despite being called incompetent, managed to run (and maybe even create) magic school that is one of the famous ones in entire world. He also might not be the best in terms of providing roof for Yuu, but he didn't kicked them out. Instead offered job and later let them be student until they find way to get back home. We are talking about elite school here, there is set number of students. But Crowley made exeption for someone with no magic and no money, who landed in unfamiliar world. Yuu might not survive long without it.

Meanwhile Lilith's actions were reason for all bad things that happened to brothers. She took fruit and gave it to human to cure them. She knew it was not allowed and it will have consequences. And don't try to explain it by she was in love. Loving someone also means to let them go. Instead she tried to cheat death and hurt her family in process. She didn't took her punishment and didn't stoped brothers from starting rebelion. After they fell Lucifer sacrificed his freedom so she could have her selfish dream and lived few years as human. Then used her descendant to fix mess she left. Pink Diamond behavior. Michael was right to throw her into void.

Yeah…

To say that Crowley is truly worse than Lilith is going into the absurd, not to say the stupid, I want to think that they do it as a joke. How are you going to say that a person who is the reason for all misfortunes, especially yours, is it better than someone who is letting you stay for free while you look for a way to get home?

I agree that despite being called incompetent, he managed to keep NRC a great reputation, I mean Crowley sometimes behaves in a questionable way and ok, laughing at that is not bad, at least I like the satire, but the man knows how to do his job as a director, I omitted things from both Crowley and Lilith because he didn't want to extend my time and I was already going to get to work.

I'm the type of person who puts myself in the protagonist's shoes and the truth is...

I am glad that Yuu had met Crowley because if it were someone else or in another fixed place that he would be thrown out without hesitation or taken by the authorities for “trespassing” private property, from the beginning of the prologue I RISK the reputation of the prestigious NRC so that Yuu and later Grim will stay, again, Grim is a monster who caused a FIRE at the entrance ceremony and the mirror of darkness pointed out that Yuu was a “void” all of this IN FRONT of students, even Kalim came out with part of your robe burned, the scandal that could shake the news and Crowley would easily receive a lawsuit for allowing Grim to stay, but he made the decision to leave Grim and have him attend classes at Yuu's request as well as for FREE.

If I were Yuu and Crowley gave me free accommodation, even if it was Ramshackle, I would be eternally grateful, I would go ahead and offer to help him with anything he asked for without complaining, I would be ashamed if he didn’t, especially if he accepted that Grim stayed and let it pass all problems mainly caused by Grim and Yuu.

Others would not even give him rewards for doing the jobs he accepted in principle or they would look for excuses and there is Crowley, letting them play magifht ON OPEN TELEVISION, organizing a big banquet for them, giving him a phone to communicate with, giving him tickets so he can invite friends to the VDC which is a very important event so tickets won’t be cheap DAMN! HE TRUSTED HIM WITH THE GHOST CAMERA! YOU JUST NEED TO GIVE THEM THE KEYS TO THE ACADEMY! 🙄 HE TOOK THE TROUBLE ON THE FIRST NIGHT TO BRING HIM SOMETHING TO EAT! 🥺 AND THEY SAY CROWLEY IS WORSE THAN LILITH?!😡 WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

Lilith for her part... SHE DESERVES TO BE THROWN INTO THE VOID!

Look, in the other publication I had planned to talk about Lilith also as a sister, but I was going to leave Lilith in a worse position, but whatever, let's talk about her also as a sister and angel FRIENDS! The more I go through the first season of the game, the more I am convinced that Lilith is the Antichrist or God made her defective and gave her a certain charm similar to Asmodeus but more powerful, because she got her way and yet, even the characters in the game They paint her as the victim or that she had a mistake. EXCUSE ME?! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME ANGEL WHO KNOWING IT WAS TABOO TO GIVE THAT FRUIT TO A HUMAN, GAVE IT TO HIM ANYWAY?!?!? THE SAME ANGEL WHO KNEW THAT'S WHY THEY WOULD KILL HER?! THE SAME ANGEL WHO BET YOU KNEW HER BROTHERS WOULD RISE UP TO PROTECT HER?!

Many say that Lucifer was the one who started the war or that he would not last long and would rise. Well, I'm sorry but I don't buy that story! We are talking about the man who, if bowing his head meant that his brothers were safe, would bow his head without tiring, we are talking about the demon who swore loyalty to DIAVOLO and had his BALLS and PANTS on tight to hide Belphegor from DIAVOLO at the same time EARN THE HATE OF HIS BROTHER WILLING TO ACCEPT THAT HATE! WHEN IN REALITY SHE IS SAVEING HIM FROM THE PRINCE, if Lilith had not committed that CRIME Lucifer would not have reacted, Lucifer was the bullet and Lilith who pulled the trigger.

It was Lilith who started the war out of SELFISHNESS in committing TABOO and a WAR for a human, I wouldn't be surprised if the angels held a grudge against humans for that, and I say selfish because if she loved that human so much she had to let him go in peace I know that love makes one commit stupid things, but there are stupid things and then what he did. Didn't he think that they could also hunt and kill the human for agreeing to eat the fruit? In the end she got her way because she was able to have a happy life while her brothers were in a war, fell and were discriminated against even by demons.

Her soul stayed in the house of lamentations after recovering the memories of her past as an angel, she had millennia to manifest himself and solve the problems of her brothers, but instead she waited during those millennia pretending not to be hanging around the house. of lamentations until a descendant of hers appears, the one she chose to go to the Devildom, and the worst thing is that she manifests herself to only free Belphegor only to have her descendant die by STRANGULATION and revive her to demand that she save her brothers. 😡, it's obvious that he doesn't give a shit about Mc and just wants her to help her brothers. THAT'S THE KIND OF PERSON THEY SAY IS BETTER THAN CROWLEY?! Mc because she is good and an idiot pays attention only to see how she dies in Mammon's arms while Belphegor celebrates. How did Mc not suffer a fucking mental breakdown after that?!

Mc was saved because she shares blood with Lilith, but oh... how the brothers begin to treat her, especially Belphegor, being Mc at least, I begged Diavolo to get me out of that crazy house and if not he would stay away from the brothers, except Satan, for the rest of the stay. At no time did Lilith care about Mc or apologize for her, the only time she helped her was to free Belphegor and he would kill her.

Do you want to use the Lilith is dead card?! PERFECT! I can play that game too

WHB SOLOMON is better than Lilith

And it is only in its first appearance

What did it cost Lilith to say that? NOTHING

[aziraphales-library]

hellooo,

before i get into this i just wanted to thoroughly thank you guys for the help i’ve gotten from you in the past, one time quite recently! i really really appreciate it! you are true angels on earth and deserve the world 🌎🩵

now i just had a thought and i thought i’d ask, are there any fics out there where crowley and aziraphale potentially have a run in with any of the 4 horsemen throughout history? (i feel like i maybe read one or two like this back in the day, i think they were perhaps death and pestilence in those works) i’m not necessarily looking for those specific fics, they’re probably in my bookmarks somewhere. but i just was rewatching episode 2 where war comes in and it said about how she’s been killing time “for so long” and i thought that might be interesting to see a & c coming across them sometimes and how they interact with each other. i’ll take future fics, but i think i’m more looking for past/historical settings

thank youuuu! and feel free to take your time, i’m in no rush.

love you, byeeeeee

Hiiii! Here are some fics where Aziraphale and/or Crowley meet one or more of the four horsemen through the ages. Mind the tags on some of these!..

Oilslick Feathers by sylveondreams (G)

After an unexpected encounter with Pollution, Crowley finds himself with wings soaked in oil and panic building in his chest.

How To Arrange A Meeting by Winds_of_Inspiration10 (T)

Aziraphale has come to Egypt to set forth the next step in the Great Plan - arrange a meeting between Joseph and the Pharaoh. That might be a bit difficult when Crawly informs him that the former has fallen from Potiphar's favor and is now in prison. How will these hereditary enemies get out of this one?

The Great Mortality by The_Jade_Goblin (T)

It's 1347 and the Black Death is stalking the better half of Europe, and Aziraphale is ready to be swept up in his despair. Waves of human populace are being wiped out in the blink of an eye, cities left empty and villages lie barren. There's no end in sight, no stopping this Biblical Plague from destroy humanity. But Crowley isn't willing to give up just yet. Or Aziraphale and Crowley are determined to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to help during the Black Plague, even if God Herself can't be bothered. And Aziraphale learns a little more about his demon companion at the same time.

Behold A White Horse by Aubergion (M)

And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. —  Revelation 6:1–2, King James Version The white horse has had many riders in the last six thousand years.

The Feathered Serpent by WaneMoose (T)

1521- Aziraphale has been working as an interpreter for the Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés in his mission to bring Mexico under the heel of Spanish colonialism and the Roman Catholic Church. When they arrive in the wondrous city of Tenochtitlán, the angel is shocked to discover that Cortés and his invading army have been invited to stay. Even more disconcerting is that invitation was the suggestion of a demon posing as the Aztec high priest for the god Quetzalcóatl, the winged serpent. Naively believing peaceful coexistence is a possibility, Aziraphale and Crowley bear witness to the Toxcatl massacre and the Fall of Tenochtitlán.

The Angel of Dunkirk by imnotokaywiththerunning (M)

Springtime 1940: Hitler's army has started its march across Europe and Aziraphale is worried. Another war so soon after the last was almost unbearable. He and Crowley have decided to stay well out of it, but a visit from the Archangel Gabriel sends Aziraphale headfirst into a war he never wanted to see.

- Mod D

[bigfuns-stuff]

I think that Good Omens, Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss share more comparisons than originally thought. I’ll get the basic info out of the way. The colour palette of the three are obviously similar because they both take inspiration from the famous Christian and Dante Inferno versions of Hell. “3 rings down” from Helluva Boss. And general world building. “two sides of the same coin” Yin Yang idea that Heaven and Hell share in all 3 shows. In the fact that they are all awful and I hope death is just hanging out in a pit alone. Like where Laura Moon was supposed to go in American Gods after her death. The relationships between Stolas and Bliz represent the worse version of Azi and Crowley. The miscommunication, lack of respect and boundaries, divided by class. Fizz and Ozzie are like Bebzebub and Gabriel/Jim, the better version of both couples. The way they could be if they were honest, not to mention adorable. But because Stolas is a heartbroken idiot and Blitz doesn’t think he deserves love. And Azi and Crowley are just idiots pointe blank and shove their feelings down a hole and ignore it. The shared love of ducks between Lucifer and Crowley is very interesting to me, which represent how they both feel like ugly ducklings compared to their peers for not fitting in. Crowley never belonged anywhere, the world doesn’t like dreamers. Lucifer has apples in his design, his hat and cane, a reminder that his dreams failed. The reason why he didn’t believe in the Hazbin Hotel to begin with. He never got to see the good free will did to humanity and carries it around to remind himself of his failure. Crowley IS free will personified in the Good Omens universe. He WAS the snake that tempted Adam and Eve. And continues to use that to joke with Aziraphale. “Could l tempt you to a spot of lunch?” He was the first being who thought for himself and was punished, he was gifted imagination like Charlie, and is berated for wanting better. Emily is a more assertive Aziraphale, when she hears what happens to souls in Hell, she jumps to Charlie’s side without hesitation. Something Azi wishes he could do, to not have his religious trauma run so deep, and to heal Crowley heal from his. Angel Dust is a much more desperate version of Crowley if he was still under Heaven, used and abused, threatened with power imbalance. Husker is his Aziraphale. Helping him out of the hole he dug himself into.

In conclusion, Everyone needs a hug, let me know if you think there are any comparisons I missed!

[return-to-twisted-wonderland]

Yuu's Overblot: You Don't Understand

[Night Raven College - Courtyard]

Overblot Yuu: You won't 'let' me kill him? 'LET' me?! *Points his Scythe at Malleus & The Dia Family* WHO ARE YOU TO 'LET' ME DOING ANYTHING?! WHAT PLACE DO YOU HAVE TO STAND IN MY WAY, HORNS?!

Malleus: I know this isn't you, Child of Man. I understand your loneliness, but...

Overblot Yuu: NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, MALLEUS DRACONIA! YOU ONLY 'FEAR' BEING ALONE, BUT YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED IT!

Malleus (Flinches at Yuu's Raised Voice - He's never called him by his name before): Yuu...

Overblot Yuu: Since the moment you hatched, you have had someone in your corner, Malleus. Sure, you were robbed of the love of your parents, but you HAD SOMEONE! You had your grandmother! You had Lilia! Then, Silver and Sebek came into your life further down the line! You HAD SOMEONE FROM THE VERY START! ME? NEVER!

[Overblot Yuu points his Scythe at Crowley - blot tears rushing down his face: Hatred burning in his eyes, venom in his word.]

Overblot Yuu: I wasn't born out of the love between two people - I was created to be a replacement; a sick experiment of a man who couldn't let go and move on! A man who thought he could spit in the face of the fates! He got what he asked for - A Perfect Clone of his Dead Son... Only... *Laughing* ONLY I COULDN'T BE WHAT HE WANTED! HE IGNORED ME, AND MY EFFORTS TO BE A LOVING SON! CONSTANTLY REMINDING ME THAT I WASN'T WHAT HE WANTED ME TO BE! SO, WHAT DID HE DO?! HE SEALS ME IN A COFFIN AND SENDS ME AWAY FROM THE WORLD I'VE KNOWN AS MY OWN!

Silver: Brother...

Overblot Yuu (Clinging his head as he smiled like a deranged madman): 10 years... 10 FUCKING YEARS I LIVED IN THAT FOREST, WATCHING SONS WITH THEIR FATHERS DOING FATHER-SON THINGS: FISHING, CAMPING, GOING ON PICNICS; SHOWING EACH OTHER LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING! I WOULD CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP IN THE CAVE I CALLED HOME, PONDERING WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE TO UPSET MY FATHER SO MUCH TO THE POINT HE SENT ME AWAY! PRAYING TO THE SEVEN THAT HE WOULD COME BACK FOR ME AND LOVE ME! TO HOLD ME AND TELL ME THAT I WOULD BE SAFE! BUT HE DIDN'T COME! NO ONE CAME! FOR A FUCKING DECADE, I WAS ALONE IN THAT FOREST UNTIL I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Lilia: Little Bat...What did you try to do?

Overblot Yuu: A Handful of Death Berries was all I needed... They numbed the pain and would have sent my son away to a better place; one where I would be loved... Alas, before I could have that sweet embrace, I was called back here by that damn mirror and I saw him! *Points his scythe at Crowley* THE FUCKER WHO DID THIS TO ME! THEY SAY EVERY CHILD DESERVES A PARENT, RIGHT?! THEN, WHY DIDN'T I GET MINE?! WHY WASN'T I LOVED! I WAS A GOOD BOY! I WAS A LOVING SON! BUT, THAT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR MY OWN FATHER BECAUSE I WASN'T HIM! *Scythe Glowing* I COULD NEVER BE HIM! NOW...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, DRACONIA!!!

[Overblot Yuu swung his scythe with great force, forcing the Diasomnia Group to move out of the way to avoid the blast and send Crowley running towards the school.]

Overblot Yuu (Laughing): YOU WON'T GET AWAY, CROWLEY! YOU & I WILL EMBRACE DEATH TOGETHER!!! *Follows Crowley's Path*

Malleus: Yuu! *follows after him*

Sebek: Waka-sama!

Silver, pauses before trying to follow them and looks at Lilia: Father?

Lilia, tears in his eyes: How can someone be so cruel as to make a clone of their child and NOT love them? How depraved do you have to be to deny an offspring, copy or not, of love? He's hurt because he was never wanted by his... his... what ever the fuck Crowley is.

Silver, surprised to hear Lilia swear.

[fallenrocket]

#Pirate Omens Watch Party - Season 2, Episode 6

(crossposted from my Twitter)

Even when it's just a disguise, Angel Crowley is too precious.

***

"Does what you say make sense in your head?"

Stede Bonnet has definitely heard those words on multiple occasions.

***

I liked that both demons and angels (Furfur in ep. 4, Saraqael here) keep coming in all, "We meet again, Crowley," and Crowley's just like, "Sorry, have we met?"

***

"What are mortals doing here? Someone turn them into pillars of salt!"

Both Heaven and Hell are in opposition to Aziraphale and Crowley, but it's specifically Heaven who parallels the British navy. I guess that makes Hell Ned Low?

***

"They're like people, only portable," is such a lovely way to describe books. Muriel is such a delight.

***

Oh god, here it comes. This scene bodies me every time.

***

The thing about this scene (and about Gentlebeard's separation at the end of season 1) is that straight endgame couples in shows break up or are pulled apart all the time, for the dumbest and most arbitrary reasons.

This isn't that.

The breaks on these shows hit you so hard because they make *too much* sense. They're rooted entirely in who the characters are. Even as you yell at your TV for them not to do it, you know it couldn't have gone any other way.

But that makes the reunions even better. We saw it with Gentlebeard in season 2, and I'm so glad we'll see it with Aziracrow in season 3.

@PrimeVideo, thank you for letting Good Omens make the ending it deserves. I hope you #AdoptOurCrew and give Our Flag Means Death that chance.

***

Gaaahhh, Crowley putting his sunglasses back on when he realizes he can't change Aziraphale's mind, what if I just set myself on fire?

***

I know that Queen is Crowley's thing, but as I watch Aziraphale's face in that lift, all I can think is this:

"Inside, my heart is breaking

My make-up may be flaking

But my smile, still, stays on"

[destieltaggedfic]

Shippers/Matchmakers - Part 7

One – NovaNara   Ao3

Set S4.  Very early on in the apocalypse to be, Gabriel realises that he may be able to prevent his brothers killing each other if he can just give their vessels different choices.  Luckily his little brother’s obvious crush on Dean may be the answer to that if he can get Castiel to act on it.

Word Count: 11k                              Non-Graphic Sex

You Can’t Spell Heller Without Hell – everydayistuesday   Ao3

Nonspecific timeframe.  Having to deal with Dean and Cas may be annoying for Sam and Charlie in real life, but at least in fanfiction there is usually “resolved’ sexual tension.  Which is what gives Sam the idea of using fanfic tropes to actually get the idiots together.

Word Count: 9k                                 No Sex

Talk Some Sense To Me (Kenopsia) – ImYourHoneyBee

Set 15x20 didn’t happen AU.  Dean wasn’t expecting a gift from Death, and he definitely didn’t expect it to be Cas given back to him.  Despite telling Cas nothing between them was going to happen because the angel deserved better, Cas is not letting Dean go that easily and joins in on the Winchester’s latest project, to open the long-defunct MoL bases for hunter use and yes he will continue flirting with Dean.

Word Count: 244k                            Graphic Sexual Acts

What's a little dying between friends? – carnationqueen   Ao3

Set S12 AU.  What Crowley knows is that breaking the lance of Michael will cure Cas.  But he also knows that dying will take a long time and that having an ever shrinking amount of time left between them might actually kick Dean and Cas into admitting their feelings for each other.

Word Count: 27k                              No Sex

Absconditum - orphan_account   Ao3

AU.  When he accompanies his sister Claire to a convention for the tv show Not Natural Cas Novak doesn’t expect to accidentally become friends with Gabriel - one of the cast, he doesn’t expect to have a connection with the star Dean, and he doesn’t expect to get an acting job on the show especially as Dean’s love interest.  So now they have to balance their attraction on-screen and off while Dean is still hiding his sexuality.  This fic is basically I can’t believe its not Cockles.

Word Count: 78k                              Non-Graphic Sex

[maxinemartinsdrill]

spn women I have strong feelings about:

1. ROWENA ROWENA ROWENA. Rowena will get CRAZYYYYY interesting backstory dropped in various episodes and ppl just ignore it. like she grew up poor and when she had Crowley she was miserable and alone and she despised him for it because she needed to be strong and he felt like a weakness to her. and then she spends years fleeing witch hunts running around Europe and she finally grasps some level of power to find security because magic is her way out magic is her strength etc etc. and we first see her killing pimps and then helping those girls and then punishing them for lacking the strength she wants to see in them. like is she a nice person? absolutely not. but the reasons for her desperation to hold onto power are SO SOS SO COMPELLING. ppl would be allllllll over her if she were a man I mean that so sincerely.

AND THEN. She meets the Winchesters and they keep kidnapping her and she gets thrown into all this shit with Lucifer and she's not as strong as she thought she was. she's not strong enough to be safe. but the she gets to know Sam better and she finally gains the levels of power she's sought of angling for as well as some of the emotional security because he's vulnerable with her and he gets it a little bit. and she can let herself be bit more vulnerable and she can open herself up to feeling more than just scared or vengeful. the fact that when she's safe she will let herself love people??? excellent. like her becoming less evil to me is wayyyyy more interesting than the way spn does this a lot of the time and it feels rly fucking authentic.

AND EVERYTHING AFTER THA IS GREAT AS WELL. her trying to decide where she stands morally, admitting she did awful things to herself and getting on with it, only being able to love her son after he's dead, bequeathing Sam everything she had after she died. LIKE THERES SO MUCH THERE. and obligatory Lucifer trauma mention because samwena Lucifer trauma bonding was what got me back into spn and into Sam in the first place.

2. BILLIE. singing oh death in the hospital. holding Rowena while she completely loses itm she is THEE benevolent death to me. I love the fact shs one of the only characters who banters with Dean on his level of strange anachronisms. Love how when she was reaping him she was debating whether to tell him sam was still alive. possibly I am just obsessed with her because for once they gave a woman interiority in a way that wasn't inherently evil (like she wasn't portrayed as a saint for it but it was like just business) and then s15... At least 75% of my hatred of the cas confession comes from the fact they made Billie 'evil' in order to set it up.

3. Mary.... ohhhhhh mary. More about the implication than anything else - 'they couldn't stand each other at first but by the time we were done with them...' truly awful. the way she tries her whole life to get away from hunting and runs right back into it. and she comes back to deeply troubled children who she is expected to parent without having any idea of how to do this because she does not know them. and she's a mother to them not mary.

4. bela talbot :(( you're dying. And utterly alone. and you died to free yourself and you've been running and running your entire life but you can't run any longer. and there's someone on the phone, maybe the only person who can understand you. you're similar and he may as well be the only person left in the world. and then he calls you a bitch and says you deserve to die. and you get ripped apart by dogs and tortured for the rest of eternity.

5. KELLY KLINE!!!!!!!!! craziest mf on the show istg. again do I think the writers were trying to do anything serious with her? No. BUT THE IMPLICATIONS. like as I have rambled about before she is insanely republican and Christian pregnant with the antichrist AND on the run with a queer fallen angel who went on a blasphemous murdering homophobes and republicans spree a couple of years back. she is overwhelmingly positive despite this possibly because she is completely divorced from reality due to her bizarre politics (how to have an affair with the president in a god honouring way is it morally wrong to get an abortion if the fetus is the devil etc). and for some reason she is convinced that jack will save the world which is so fun!!!! I also really enjoy the fact that most of her bizarreness was left to be implied because it allows us to see her as a normal person doing her best in an awful situation and empathise with her. Despite the fact that they could have easily made her a full blown lady Jessica type (i don't know enough about dune to say if this is right) with the whole magical pregnancy manipulative religious delusions/cult type thing going. which would have still been interesting but also lacked depth in places. here they just tell you shes absolutely ridiculous and then have her interact completely normally despite the abnormal circumstances. which (accidentally???) gives her a lot going on. also the bit where she meets jack in heaven and realises he's dead the 'cas said he would look out for you' one of if not the most devastating line in late seasons spn not even joking.

honorary mentions:

Amara :))) literally 90% if when she is on screen I am unconvinced however gimme shelter was sooooooo good. SHES A FEMINIST!!! OBLIGATORY SHOUT OUT TO THE WIRE MOTHER CLOTH MKTHER DEAN AMARA POST

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Dream A Little Dream Of Me (series)

The reality of Aziraphale parting ways with Crowley was a difficult reality to grasp, and so the demon decided he’d rather escape it through picking up an old habit he had long since abandoned; sleeping. The trouble is, the angel is just as present in his unconscious mind than his conscious one. Meanwhile, Aziraphale, with the angelic ability to visit people in their dreams, has decided to abuse that privilege despite direct orders from Heaven.

Length: 22,927 words

AO3 Rating: Teen and Up

Best for: Safe in Public, Slight Angst

Triggers: Temporary Character Death (ish)

Read it here, fic by lavender_mo0n

*Minor Spoilers* This one broke my heart and put the pieces back together so very softly. In this series, we are post-S2, and Crowley is hiding from the world, asleep, and as usual, he dreams of his Angel. They travel through their history together, and Crowley is honest and open with the Angel in his dreams. But soon, the lines between dream and reality start to blur. I don't want to spoil any more of the plot for you, so I'll stop the summary here. I really didn't know how things were going to play out, which made it all the better, so I want the same for you.

There are some really excellent insights and ideas here. I was particularly interested in this version of Saraqael, who is a complex ally. I know there has to be a ton of interesting things happening with her that happen "off-screen" in this story. I find myself wondering what her deal is and what her plans are. There's also this line from Crowley that stuck with me, “You lot think that you’re so pure and good,” he sneered, “but the reality is that when you cause pain to someone trying so hard to live their life in your image, it hurts just as much as if a demon had done it.” And oh boy, does that sum up my feelings on religion. There are also some musings on guilt and forgiveness that really spoke to me. I love that they force each other to slow down and work out negative feelings together. They both try to hide and repress their feelings and are both prone to thinking they don't deserve good things. Thankfully, they can now teach each other that they do deserve to be safe and happy.

Safe in public, but it's a perfectly mellow and dreamy read so I suggest being somewhere comfy with a big blanket. Some slight angst, but this isn't a heavy story really. I love how it ends, they still have some healing to do before they're settled. But now they can relax, and find peace. Even though this is a series, it's really one work. Make sure to read every part and in order!

Read it here, fic by lavender_mo0n

[thatlonelycactus]

As we all know by now, at its core, Good Omens is a love story. I mean, it is about possibly the first two beings to ever FEEL love. About the first two beings to get be BLINDED by love.

Crowley loves- well he loves life- the potential it has to grow, change, to experience. From the very first moments he loved the stars and the potential each one had to become something of itself and he had a hand in that. To Crowley, the universe wasn’t made to just surround the Earth- to him every part of it was just as important- he loved every part of it. He loved it so much that the very idea of its destruction made him fall. Yet he still loved the universe even when it was beyond his reach. In Eden Crowley did whatever he could to give life and humanity the potential to become more than just a “breeding pair” he gave them the ability to ask, to sin, and most importantly, to do good. When he met the angel who gave up his sword- risking plenty of trouble from Above- so that Adam and Eve could survive, he began to realize he wasn’t the only one who loved creation. He saved the lives of both Job’s children and goats because they didn’t deserve death, they had plenty to live for. He tempted the angel of the Eastern Gate to try food because he deserved to enjoy his existence as well. He deserved to thrive rather than just “live”. An angel who risked falling just to protect the lives of three children. Eventually Crowley came to love this angel who loved creation just as much as he did, who grew and changed along with it. Who, no matter how many decades passed always greeted him with an “Oh! It’s YOU again!” and a smile. Because HE got it. He understood what neither Above nor Below could ever understand- the world didn’t need to suffer- HE didn’t need to suffer for wanting to live. Yet, when Crowley watched Heaven tell his friend to “shut his mouth and die” ( don’t remember the exact line) he realised that there was no “good side” anymore. It was only him and the angel. But then that angel left him to join the same side which would condemn him to death for loving.

Aziraphale loves love. As cringey as it sounds- thats how I see it. He loved the being that loved the stars so passionately that he would risk everything to save them. Who loved goats and humans so much that he would do anything he could to save them from an unjust death. Who showed a young man in a desert all the beauty of the world- not to tempt him- but to let him see the things he would never be able to for the Almighty would let him die early despite claiming to love him. Aziraphale loves literature so much because the speak of love. The love and passion of the author. The love the characters have for each other. But he still loved heaven. Because he believes that it is still the side of love- or atleast has the potential to be. When he has an offer that means that he can make things better he is so excited because he can bring the one being that understands love with him. They can make things better together. His demon does not want to go back to a place that can be the side of good, of love. And that breaks his heart. Yet as much as they both love humanity, life, love, being, whatever. Both Aziraphale and Crowley still love the Almighty. Aziraphale loves them for what he believes they stand for. Good. But Crowley, who has had everything he has ever loved taken from him by them. By their plan. He still loves them. Because how couldn’t he love the one who made the world he loves so much? He loves them because, at the end of the day, it’s because of them that he was able to love in the first place. At the end of the day, love both brought them together and separated them. But that’s just the ineffably of the Almightys plan, is it not? Anyway idk where I’m going with this. Tbh it’s just spam and if you made it this far congrats on getting this far.

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

Honestly I do not beef with how The Winchesters handled a lot of things (Generally because we all know it’s out of love or protectiveness and usually desperation to save one another or the world) but the one beef I really have with them over the entirety of the series was how casually they told Rowena about Crowley’s death. Forget about Rowena and Crowley’s history for a second. First of all, Dean saying he killed himself to save them so casually to her massively undercut the weight of what he gave up for them and the world, not to mention how much he’d grown. Second of all, they’re saying this to his mother. Even if she and Crowley hated each other, you think they would have said it like that telling it to anyone else’s mother? Hell no. Sam saves it slightly when he corrects himself in using the name she gave him and shows more empathy than Dean by far, but they still treat this like it’s a casual conversation about his bravery when they have literally shaken her reality as she knows it.

She’s had to lose her child for the second time in her life with this loss undoubtedly being permanent, and the one time she absolutely deserved their decency as a human being, she didn’t get it. Granted, she probably didn’t expect it from them either way, but if it had been me I would have thrown that fucking whiskey glass at them. This is the last of her family, her only son who sacrificed himself for them and to try and seal the devil in an alternate reality to help save the world, and it’s no big deal, tell her he died and get on with the hunt for them? And then to make the assumption that she would have been proud of him? Watching that scene for the first time I legitimately had to scream into a pillow. To tell her about his death like that and then assume how she would feel about it being a sacrifice????? Honestly I don’t know how she kept it together without blowing up on them.

Don’t get me wrong, I love those boys and everything they stand for, and the growth the event sparked in her, but that was an absolute failure of compassion on their part when she deserved it and to this day I cannot watch that scene without raging for her. She wasn’t a good mother by any stretch of the imagination, but she was his mother, and deserved to be treated as such with the news of her son’s death instead of hearing them talk about it as though it were just another day on the job when he sacrificed everything and she lost her son. I’m still mad about it, and I’m going to be mad about it forever. Rowena deserved better from them on that, period.

[artsybelle1015]

Not Safe Here Pt. 2

“See?” Kalim uttered to the Prefect. “He’s out of it!”

“I am not,” Jamil disagreed, he was fine, there was no reason for him to be there; he began to remember how Kalim kicked him out and forced him the ramshackle dorm. There was a glare boring into Kalim, his breath quickening from the hatred he was feeling.

Part One || Part Two

Warnings(!!!): gore, death, panic attacks, aggressiveness, SPOILERS FOR BOOK 4!!!

•••

A slow blink came about, nothing was quiet anymore, nothing was blurry anymore. He heard voices discussing. What he saw down below was a wooden ground on the verge of breaking.

Snapping his head up, Jamil eyes laid upon Kalim and the Prefect.

For some reason, he was holding a bag and so was Kalim. Everything around him had an evening glow, strange, last time he checked it was bright as day out.

Wait, how much time has passed?

A snap of fingers quickly flashed over his face, it was very loud too that it made Jamil jump, backing away. He furrowed his brows and hunched over, glaring at Kalim for scaring him like that.

“See?” Kalim uttered to the Prefect. “He’s out of it!”

“I am not,” Jamil disagreed, he was fine, there was no reason for him to be there; he began to remember how Kalim kicked him out and forced him the ramshackle dorm. There was a glare boring into Kalim, his breath quickening from the hatred he was feeling.

Kalim backed away, seeming to be a little frightened, even the Prefect backed away.

Jamil face distorted back to numb. He did it again, he isn’t any better. Now everyone is scared of him, he will be alone forever. All he will ever be is Kalim’s servant. There’s no way he should go out into the real world anymore, all he would do is get angry and crave to abuse. He would overblot again and may never be pulled out.

Everything is unfair, he was still a complete failure. He could never look at his parents and sister again. What was the point in all of this? What was the point in his life? He can’t even serve.

Life was suppose to be him out of the spotlight, an average student, an average person.

His thoughts went silent for some time.

___

You quietly stared at Jamil sleeping on your couch.

The three ghosts and Grim were examining him as well. Grim shouting protests about him being here whilst the ghosts were thinking of activities to do as he stayed in this busted up house.

Sitting down at the table, your head began to pound, regretting the choice of bringing him in here. He wasn’t your problem, yet Kalim made you feel responsible for him even though he didn’t mean to. He kept begging and pleading, on the verge of tears for his friend. You felt obligated for sure.

When you saw Jamil about to lose it on your porch, that’s when you realized how hard this will be. He was mentally unstable.

Goddamn Crowley for not putting counselors or therapists on this god forsaken school. It wasn’t fair you were the one stuck being a therapist and caring for everyone while you were already about to break down too.

“Henchman!” hollered Grim, jumping up on the kitchen table at which you sat. “Let’s just send him to another dorm, I’m sure Azul would love to have him.”

Your nose scrunched, disgusted by that idea. Sure, they may be getting along better, but Jamil barely has in interest in Azul and was terribly annoyed with his existence, that would make Jamil lose it more. And you had already promised Kalim to take care of him, how could you break Kalim’s heart? He was a good guy towards all of you, he deserved some help especially after all he went through with the manipulation and hypnosis.

“No Grim, that’s a horrible idea,” you sighed.

“Is not?” he hissed. “That guys psycho!”

Thinking of a solution to get Grim to shut up, you decided to just bargain with the stubborn cat. “I will buy you that tuna you really wanted everyday for dinner if you suck this up.”

Grim paused, thinking on it. “Well, henchman, you think you can just bribe with me on this, how stupid you are, but I will take you up on it.” He was refusing to admit that he wanted to do it, of course. That’s how he always was.

“Okay.”

___

No. No.

He was staring down at Kalim and the Prefect. Kalim was facing down, face hidden by the ground. The Prefect was breathing heavily, bleeding out.

Staring down at his hands, they were covered in blood, their blood specifically.

The Prefect kept a whimper, tryna stand a bit to get away, but their body couldn’t budge. There was a small crack, indicating many broken bones in their body. He did this to them.

Slowly turning to Kalim, he took some shaky steps. Crouching down, he saw no movements within Kalim’s body. His heart froze.

Without much of a choice, his arm reached out and turned Kalim’s face towards him.

Still movements, time froze. What stared back at him made the world stop. Now he could feel his heart, it was pounding, trying to break free of him, probably disgusted at the monster it kept alive.

Kalim, dulls eyes stared at him; his mouth ajar, spilling blood. Pale and cold, that’s how he felt, yet the blood covering the top of his head was warm and fresh.

Backing away, Jamil saw the world speed up. Everything spun but Kalim’s body, his dead eyes staring at him.

He saw people now, staring at him in horror. Glancing to the side, he saw Azul, Jade, and Floyd broadcasting this scene, laughing their heads off. It wasn’t funny, Kalim was dead, why wouldn’t anyone do anything?

Even though everyone was a blur, their eyes weren’t, they were boring into him.

The Prefect slowly stood up, like their bones weren’t broken and had no reaction to anything. Instead, there was an exhausted yet numb look. Mimicking the one he saw in the mirror. All the Prefect did was walk to the students of Octavinelle, Jade coaxing them into a hug as they all walked away.

Soon enough, everyone walked away, like they never saw a thing. Yet, Kalim body remained there, still dead.

The world fades to black, yet him and Kalim still remained.

He killed Kalim, he killed Kalim and overblotted. How could he do this—he was a monster. Looking back down at his hands, he finally saw behind the blood how different and dried up they were, he was in overblot. How did he not see that before?

Tears began to pool in his eyes, he hated Kalim yet was grieving his death. This was unexpected yet made sense.

He was thinking maybe it was because he swore to his family he would protect the eldest son of the Asim. But no, it wasn’t that. He wasn’t upset because of his family right now, he was upset because Kalim was dead and he was dead because of Jamil, not an assassin.

Covering his face, he let out a cry.

“Jamil.” a hasty voice rang out.

Lowering his hands, his pupils shrunk in horror as he watched Kalim stand up. He still looked like a corpse, but held a smile.

Walking over to Jamil, he hugged him, nuzzling into his shoulder. He killed Kalim- but Kalim was forgiving him.

“Are you stupid?” Jamil sobbed. “I killed you.”

Kalim only looked up and smiled to him, suddenly pushing him to the ground, but instead of a thump, Jamil fell through the floor.

He couldn’t see, when he tried to open his eyes, but it was all black and stung. This was ink, ink like from his overblot.

Throat now pooled up. He started to choke, to drown. Drown in the mess he made.

If only he had stayed quiet, this wouldn’t be his fate, it wouldn’t be Kalim’s fate. Things would’ve been okay and normal. Doesn’t matter how upset Jamil was, how much he hated his life, that past was better than what was happening now.

When he felt like he was about to be dragged to hell, he suddenly landed on solid ground.

Jamil eyes shot open, quickly he sat up and coughed up ink. He was covered from head to toe with the black substance, but he noticed he was in his school uniform and warm again. He was himself.

There was standing room, the ceiling about being flowing ink that stayed in place, refusing to drip down.

He decided to get up and looks around, the ink slowly fading off his body. Everything in his body calmed down, now wanting to explore this new place. He had always wanted to explore, it was one of his dreams, but he didn’t expect a blank gray space.

Maybe this was limbo, or possibly hell. Hell was associated with being hot and burning, yet this place was cold and empty. Was it a personal hell?

Well, he thought it was empty, but the sound of wailing proved otherwise. Quickly whipping around into that direction, Jamil almost tripped from the speed.

His eyes widened. It was Kalim’s mother who was wailing like her life depended on it. She was dressed in all black and being consoled by her husband.

Next to her stood all of Kalim’s younger siblings, some crying, some staring.

But the worst sight to see, was Jamil sister and parents there too, a pained and sorrow look on their faces.

Not only had he hurt Kalim, he hurt two whole families.

Guilt wallowed up, filling him to the core. He slowly walked over, steps heavy and loud, like there was a weight trying to stop him. No, he needed to apologize to Kalim, but his body was trying to refuse.

With each step the force made it harder until Jamil crashed under it. Smacking his face against the ground and his groan in pained caught attention.

His parents specifically, looked at him while everyone else seemed to have not noticed. There faces filled with hatred, hatred for their own child. Yet, there was pity and disappointment mixed in.

Slowly, everyone faded away. And Jamil sat there, helpless, unable to move even an inch. His eyes slowly shut in exhaustion.

___

Something was vibrating against his legs, the thing felt quite soft.

He didn’t want to open his eyes, he didn’t want to see this world again, yet he had to, he had to face hell and his punishment. But he had to… he needed to know what was against his leg.

When Jamil opened his eyes, all he saw was a normal ceiling. No ink, no gray, it was a warm brown and dusty. There was a hue of orange coming from his right, he glanced over to investigate and it was a fire.

The thing against his legs was the Prefect’s friend, Grim. Strange, Grim didn’t seem like the type to do this cat—like sort of thing, he was normally aggressive.

Looking back up at the ceiling, he realized it was just a dream. A nightmare actually.

He noticed too looking around with his eyes this was most likely the ramshackle dorm, considering that Grim was next to him and the place was worn down. The couch even felt scratchy.

Despite how disgusting this environment felt, he stayed glued to the couch, forced to lay down by his own body. Just like how it was in the dream but more comfy, it had a pillow and blanket at least, and was warm.

The ramshackle, why was he here? Did Kalim actually kick him out? Stupid question to ask, obviously. Yet he doesn’t remember entering or falling asleep. In fact, he couldn’t remember much, everything would go blank and then suddenly he would appear from place to place, his mind bombarding him about his failures and how worthless and pathetic he was. He kept thinking about ending up as overblot again, he didn’t want that to happen so he would force his body to numb the emotion.

Clearly, that didn’t work in his favor, because now the days were shortened.

Creaks from floorboards could he heard. Jamil’s heart races, he wanted to get up and leave, run away, but couldn’t. He really was stuck.

The footsteps creeped closer.

He shut his eyes, not wanting to see who is there. Fearing for his life now, fearing of the look he would get. Heart was pounding the same way as the dream, wanting to escape, wanting him dead.

There was a long pause, long yet quick.

Then, all he felt was the blanket being slightly lifted and pulled up more.

He was okay?

Finally drooping his eyes open, he saw the Prefect walking away.

•••

Authors Note: I want to cry- tried to generalize the reader by going off what I felt as if most people felt playing the game plus some realism in how a person would feel in this situation, I promise the character you’re written as won’t be boring!