#dating is fucked
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"In another life I would have really liked just dancing and making inventions with you"
#the way this applies to both ships is fucking me up#i think jayvik and timebomb should go on an inventor double-date. they deserve to be happy#you know the pairing goes hard when that EEAAO line applies#jayvik#timebomb#my post#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#arcane ekko#ekko arcane#arcane viktor#arcane jayce#jayce arcane#viktor arcane
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So fucked up that the man in my head that I only love because I control all of his actions and every thing he says isn't real and that no man irl will ever live up to that
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
#funny stories#dating#dating fiascos#minions#the minion incident#anecdotes#fuck shrek#and fuck shrek 2#like its the best in the shrek series but that movie is basically my trigger now
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mama a Body behind you 😰 // pt1/pt2/pt3
#NO I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED NONA PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME#the next book still doesn't have a release date and i don't wanna be left in lingo#and also i love nona and don't want anything bad to happen to her and i have a feeling. bad thing are gonna happen to her :')#also can you fucking believe it's december now. jesus christ#anway. tags now#tlt#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#gideon nav#harrow nonagesimus#harrowhark nonagesimus#griddlehark#ianthe tridentarius#palamedes sextus#camilla hect#nona#harrianthe#kay byeee!
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guy doesnt know what pins n needles are
( part1-2/? ?)
(start) (<next part>)
#gravity falls#stanford pines#bill cipher#billford#he doesnt really knowhow to construct a humanform so his nerves are a bit fucked#bitch decided that 'oh you made mefeel funny so im gonna play with your emotions now'#ford is more so interested in bill as a creature ratherthan an god being in this world so hes just studying her#cue the date#(it willbe next)#why must he make everything a competition
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Sokka baulked. "I'm not getting on that." "That," said Zuko, "is my baby." Zuko's baby, a fifty foot dragon, huffed. Great white plumes of smoke issued out of his nostrils and buffeted around Sokka. "Play nice, Druk," said Zuko, laughing
for The Mercy of Magpies chapter 2!
as always written by thee wonderful showstopping incredible @ranilla-bean ✨
chapter post || cover || map and characters
#id in alt text#fuuun fact this was the very first illustration i did for spacedilves!!#makes me sooo emotional to finally release her into the wild look at my baby gooo#LOOK AT THAT FULL BACKGROUND LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE DKFJGK#fr if theres One thing this project pused me to do is test the boundaries of my style and that involves backgrounds lmao#anywayy one of my fav chapters ever rana rlly outdid themselves with thiiisss#like zukka first date oN A ROMANTIC DRAGON RIDEE!! or is it... teheee#another thing that makes me emotional as fuck is that rana got this printed 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#it exists!!!#on a wall!#a3 format!!!!#sokka#zuko#zukka#spacedilves#my art
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Hey if people are thinking of 'stockpiling HRT' and you are doing it with Testosterone, be aware that is a controlled substance and doing this WILL GET YOU A FELONY CHARGE IF YOU ARE CAUGHT (and it would be very easy for this to happen through the way those posts reccomend).
Its your decision if you want to risk imprisonment (and then definitely losing hrt access), but be aware of the serious consequences- especially if you are recommending this to people!
If you do this with E, you get a slap on the wrist. If you do this with T its a felony. A felony charge deeply effects everything you do. Its not just hard to DYI T, its MANY TIMES LEGALLY RISKIER AND HARDER.
#'dyi hrt its fine anyone can'. Tell me you dont know or care doing that with T will get you time in prison and a permanent criminal record#stop passing posts saying to do this without this warning on it. This kind of charge ruins lives and monkey business CANNOT be relied on#'just trust that they are overworked enough to not check they filled it out right and that they will buy your lie'#the second they catch on you are FUCKED. The consequence is not 'uwu you just wont get more extra' its a court date and a cop up your ass#it is NOT fearmongering to say this. do not fuck around with controlled substances when there is a PAPER TRAIL??? HELLO?#do you want access to meds permanently revoked? A mark like that is how you get doctors to not want to give them to you Forever#wayward rambling#rebloggable but clowning will get the post locked
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The UK government headed and run by many transphobes has decided to make the Trans Panic defense legal. If a trans person does not disclose their gender and the other party presses charges due to this, they can be convicted with sexual assault crime.
Furthermore any trans person, (tho particularly trans women), who has obtained a Gender Reassignment Certificate (GRC) will be put into prison of their birth sex if the matter is a sex crime
With these two bits of legislation Labour have made it not only legal but easy for trans people to be jailed and sexually assaulted by members of their birth sex. We know for a fact that sexual assault in prisons happen esp to trans women. We know that placing them in female prisons, whilst not eliminating sexual assault, does make it less common.
Labour are defining a movement based on fear. Based on the fact that any cis person disgusted by their own internalised transphobia at sleeping with a trans person will have the full backing of the law to punish them. Even if sexual consent was given. Even if you both got inebriated and fucked and the "victim" found out your transness later. This puts every stealth trans woman at risk. This puts every trans woman who enjoys hook ups at risk. This puts everyone at risk.
And yet people wonder why trans women overwhelmingly date their sisters and friends.
#fucking abysmal country i hate it here#kier starmer queer harmer#transfeminism#transmisogyny#Anti-transmasculinity#transphobia#gods only time im glad my dating pool sp small
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the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.
women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.
what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.
i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.
fuck, man. write better material.
a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.
god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.
this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.
we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.
i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -
it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.
#posting my drafts#i want to stress im a taylor swift enjoyer. sorry.#also if someone wants to venmo me for the radfem hate i get daily i need like 60 bucks#someone stole my taylor swift official merch quarter zip :(#the point im specifically making in the tswift paragraphs i hope is clear which is like.#taylor is not threatening their ideas of masculinity or femininity. she is incredibly milquetoast. i mean i love her#but there's nothing about her that challenges the status quo. EXCEPT for her success.#and that's what pisses so many men off: the success.#so if THE VISION of white heteropatriarchy STILL is being treated this way.....#what do you think is happening to minority populations??#i just feel like be annoyed w/her about real things but being weird about her dating someone is like#soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking annoying. like ya know????#[said with the knowledge i need you to be soooo normal about how you interpret this entire piece and also these tags]
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nanami kento tries so hard not to fuck you on your first date, it makes him feel like a terrible man. he’s not like this, usually. you just frustrate every single cell in him, sexually — he can’t believe this is happening to him, honestly.
it’s a pain, he acts cold and distant — he’s simply trying to hide his boner half of the time. he zones out while you speak — your lips are distracting, he can’t hear a single word you speak. he can only think of the many ways your lips would shape and shift when you moan and whimper his name the deeper he sinks his cock in you. also, can you fit all of him down your throat? oh, can you—
fuck…
his cock gets hard under the table, forcing a sense of panic in him while he ponders whether he’s visibly leaked and stained his slacks or not. terrified to look down, because he knows. he’s so fucked.
he needs to wait a bit before you leave the restaurant, to cool off a bit, calm down. but it only gets worse from there.
he drives you back home, but doesn’t leave the car to walk you to your doorstep. his cock is hard again, aching so bad it limits his movements. besides if he steps out and stands tall before you — you will see, this time you definitely will. he’s embarrassed. and on top of that, he feels like an ass, the lowest of the lowest, for treating you so poorly.
the entire car ride was torturous to him, courtesy of your scent so close to him in the passenger seat, along with the way you tucked your hands between your thighs every now and then — perhaps the awkward silence got you nervous. he wondered all the way to your house how you smelled and tasted, down there.
you think the whole date was a disaster, and that he’ll never call you again but little did you know, the first thing he did when he went back home was jerk off — not once, not twice, but three fucking times, thinking about you. furiously.
later, he texts you. you blink a few times in utter disbelief.
dinner tomorrow? i’ll cook
dinner — at his place, that is. he’ll change the bedsheets in the morning with freshly washed ones, because this time — he’ll fuck you.
#ઈઉ — ai writes#@kento#i know this man wants to fuck you so bad from the first sec he lays his eyes on you#but he tries to be a gentleman#it’s so awkward LMFAO you think he hates you but he fucking doesn’t know how to sit atp his cock is so fucking hard#on date two he drops the gentleman act and goes straight to point
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i personally didn't interpret logan's "you had a girlfriend?" as him thinking wade was gay, but as being shocked that a woman would put up with him. however, i think that just makes it funnier that he himself ends up as wade's boyfriend. joke's on you, bub.
#'what kind of fucking idiot would date YOU' well i hate to break it to you but#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#mini mine
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when he holds you tighter as he fucks into you and his thrusts are getting faster and desperate snd erratic and his face is buried in ur neck and he's got a fistful of your hair and he can't stop telling you your tight, warm pussy is his and only his in needy growls
#my bf is visiting i just got fucked real fucking good im getting needy thinking abt it when i should be getting ready for our date 🥴#ftm nsft#trans nsft#queer nsft#very nsft
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Masquerade Road Trip 🚌
Okay but like…. What if instead of using mirrors they had to stuff this whole cast of people into a bus/van
It’d be a little funny
(Also turn up phone brightness to see it better. Or don’t. Idk I don’t control you)
#Listen guys#i put so many fucking details in this#Look please please please please#All of the items up top belong to people. Somewhat obviously but please notice the whack a bitch briefcase#Jamiazu…. Psspspspspspslslsoosos#To me this events happens after they’re dating so-#OH ALSO MAL MAL#HES DOING HIS “I got invited! :)” SIT#ANYWAYS#twst#twisted wonderland#twst fanart#twisted wonderland fanart#okay here we go#riddle rosehearts#malleus draconia#epel felmier#deuce spade#epeldeuce#if you squint#its implied#anyways#rook hunt#sebek zigvolt#silver#silver vanrouge#ruggie bucchi#idia shroud#jamil viper#azul ashengrotto
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Bert and Ernie
#on season 14#they’re dating so hard what the fuck#and that’s after seasons of having huge crushes…#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#destiel#my art
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how the fuck are we all doing ghesties
[credit to @spinchs-field for the chart]
#i'm not doing ok!#the band ghost#tobias forge#ghost world tour 2025#WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK#considering some sort of black market organ selling to get the vip package that gets you access to all dates#moax#mk.txt
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guys help i was on a date with a guy i’ve been going out with for a couple months and we were talking about saw since we’re both horror fans. and he mentioned that he and his friends have a bit where they make up their own jigsaw monologues. so i said “oh i have a blog that does something similar” and he asked me what the name was, and he looked this blog up. and then he yelled, “THIS IS YOU? OH MY GOD. THIS IS WHY WE DO THAT BIT! I LOVE THIS BLOG. I’M SO INTO YOU. OH MY GOD. THIS IS YOU?” right in the middle of the mall food court. i know this sounds like a fake tumblr story but this really fucking happened to me today. holy fucking shit.
#mod amanda#shitty saw traps#might fuck around and get my heart broken by this one guys#possibly funniest thing that’s happened to me on a date
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