#dark cupboard

[novelties-and-notions]

From The Complete Works of Piers Q MacBean, volume 8, Despatches From a Dark Cupboard (or Closet)

So many memories cluster round me in the darkness of this cupboard (or closet), freed from the chains of actuality. Just now, I recall vividly the afternoon I spent with Oscar Wilde in his little house in Chelsea.

I found him alone in a room rich with peacock feathers, lilies, blue china and objets d'art. The aesthete was poised languidly in a large winged armchair. He was dressed in purple velvet; his brown hair fell in artful waves brushing the shoulders of his outlandish jacket. He was gazing wistfully at a sunflower that he held limply in his left hand. On sensing my entrance, he placed the bloom reverently in a Chinese vase, and rose to greet me.

During the course of that afternoon, I was well entertained by talk of matters of art and sensibility. As the daylight faded, we drank jasmine tea out of tiny delicate porcelain cups without handles, and nibbled elaborately decorated pastries, which did not taste as good as they looked. "But the patissier's art is art first and foremost. Nourishment is mere afterthought," he said, arranging some crumbs in an oriental pattern on his plate.

"But should not that art cater to taste with taste?" I asked.

At this, his eyes sparkled mischievously. "My young friend," he exclaimed. "Could it be that you care to cross wits with me?" Without waiting for an answer, he leapt to his feet and cried "En garde!"

"Allez!" I responded eagerly.

For a few moments we eyed each other in silence, looking for signs of vulnerability. Then, without warning, Wilde lunged with a polished aphorism. I parried easily with an offhand quip, and riposted with an epigram. "Touché!" he cried admiringly, but then counter-attacked with a volley of bons-mots, which I deflected with difficulty by replying in kind. The battle grew heated, the air rang with wit and repartee.

As I felt myself tiring, I released a string of witty sayings, which forced my opponent on to the defensive. I felt victory within my grasp, but then he delivered an outrageous paradox with dazzling wit. I staggered, and he followed with a volley of well-turned phrases, which I could only attempt to deflect with a few feeble puns.

I could do no more, and accepting the inevitable, I yielded to his superior wit. We shook hands, and he graciously called me a worthy opponent. He seated himself, and took up his sunflower once more. It was clear that my visit was at an end, so I removed myself from his rarefied presence.

As I walked slowly down the street, I thought of an aphorism which would have cut through his defences and granted me certain victory. I have forgotten it again now.

[y-rhywbeth2]

'Elves derive energy from contact with sunlight and (purer the better) water (including winter ice and snow) in a way that humans cannot, aiding them in metabolic processes.'

Apparently the sunlight allergy wasn't angsty enough; here's realmslore saying elves basically photosynthesise.

[why-the-heck-not]

26.08.23, saturday

today was what we like to call "productive procrastination" aka the rest of my life is in shambles but I now have a clean kitchen

[cashmerecrow]

✨𝔊𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔢𝔡 ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱✨

[pinkfey]

i may be obsessed.

[theodoradevlin]

"Mrs. Devlin, h-hello, sorry to bother you, you probably don't even know me, I'm Fred... I've overheard from M a reliable source that you produce some... Salves... For ni tender sore spots? I've had a cupboard encounter recently that left me with some, uh, battle scars that need special attention."

Fred makes no eye contact while talking mumbling this to you, his ears as red as the unseen and unspoken tender areas under his shirt.

Theo listens to Fred patiently, wondering why in Merlin's name he was so nervous.

"Ohhhh, Fred..."

She nods sympathetically, to encourage him to continue.

Then her brow raises. Salves? Hm. The only salves she had made lately was one for Montrose's poorly protected pecks....and then she freezes when she hears Fred say 'cupboard.' She blushes right in return.

"Oh, Fred."

This time, her statement is said very knowingly.

Obviously, Halloween approaching did NOT mean Theo was safe from unforeseen jump scares before then, including meeting a very unexpected close acquaintance.

But Theo always did pride herself on playing well with others.

She tries to clear her throat, "Erm...I'm sadly out of salves for the moment. Oddly enough, they've been in high demand. Or maybe it isn't odd? I'm not even sure anymore." Her words trail off as unwelcome mental images start flooding her brain of what in Merlin's name was happening to everyone's 'tender areas'.

Such grabby, grabby paws.

"Anyway" She clears her throat again, "...I'll try and whip up some more for you next time I'm in potions! In the meantime, perhaps wear more layers if you plan on getting back in that broom cupboard? I know that's usually the OPPOSITE goal of broom cupboards...but ..I mean.....y-you know what I mean!!!!" Theo is aware she is rambling like a crazy person to keep herself from a fit of laughter she may never recover from.

She trains her face back to concern, and drops her voice to a whisper, "...And um....well, nifflers can be very proud creatures sometimes, you know? Not saying I know there's a niffler involved. BUT. If there was....perhaps if you tried to call him little lord in the broom cupboard..? Not that I know much about that. Educated guess, of course."

At this point, Theo accepts there is no point in trying to save face any longer. Just nips.

[petrodragonicapocalypse]

vote to quietly hang out with the other people who picked your option

[bibleofficial]

i enjoy cooking so much it turns out bc now that i’ve kinda learned to know what i’m doing it’s just ‘wow i love food it’s so yummy & good’ & then i finish it, take 1 bite & go ‘ok all done :)’ completely satiated like wow the fulfillment of being correct in that it’s good as shit

[lilyflxwers]

PLEASE i need a break

[hellscupboards]

Absolutely in love with your latest Mattfoggy fic, it’s like you’ve peeled my brain apart, selected the Top 10 Best Mattfog Angst Fantasies, and whizzed it all together in a blender. The soft moments throughout balance it so nicely, they both give me so many Emotions. I just love it so much, thank you <3

Thanks anon! I am a smoothie bar serving up healthy servings of whump with a side of hurt/comfort. Maybe a banana for potassium.

Maybe I will Post chapter 5 today 🤔

[novelties-and-notions]

From The Complete Works of Piers Q MacBean, volume 8, Despatches From a Dark Cupboard (or Closet)

In this dark cupboard (or closet) I am assailed by memories of people I have never met in places I have never been.

I remember vividly the night I danced with Ginger Rogers at the Cocoanut Grove, how this rather ordinary woman with her slightly awkward manner was suddenly transformed into a figure of elegance and grace when she started to move to the music. Our feet traced the rhythm, tricky with the pulse of Latin America, as my heart beat a little faster. Her Bernard Newman gown swirled elegantly about her legs and her face glowed with a magical light. We seemed to float weightless on brass and saxophones; strings whirled us into the air.

The music stopped, and we slowly sank back to earth. "That was wonderful," I told my partner, "but promise me one thing."

"Yes?"

"Don't ever sing to me."

Her eyes flashed fire. Pointing at me she addressed the crowded tables in a steely tone. "This man is a communist!"

"I am not now and never have been…" I stammered, but my words sank into the sea of hostile faces and drowned. I turned and fled from the place.

I still burn with chagrin at the memory.

[marigoldthegamer]

Guys.

GUYS.

GUYS.

I just finished Kaneshiro's whole place in ONE DAY. (minus the mandatory visits)

Just.. LOOK.

I feel so fucking proud of this. Like. I needed to tell someone about this.

Also:

I'm playing the Royal version of the game.

I have the camera strap equipped on all party members.

I was already seriously over-levelled before I started the palace (we're talking like level 27 before I even entered).

And finally, I have been hoarding items since the start of the game, lmao.

[cogcltrcorn]

I know that projecting on kendall roy is like. probably a bad omen of some kind, but like. I can't help but go "??????" every time he makes himself enter a social gathering. like I am deadass watching the birthday party episode like "dude why the fuck are you making yourself attend a party with loud noises flashing lights and lots of people???? you are literally autistic????"

like this guy really spends a solid 40% of his free time sitting in his massive noise canceling headphones and staring at a wall and he expects himself to handle several hours of fucking disco with 500 people around? cmon.

[pepsi-maxwell]

.

[tallymali]

in year 4 our teacher did a Fun Class Exercise with us where she locked us all in a metal cupboard on our own one by one to “show us what real dark looks like” and then we went on xmas break and she disappeared and we had a sub for the rest of the year

[comfortableinthesilence]

New year, same shitty mental illness 💔