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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 4 years ago

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Sugar and Fluff (Volume 4)

Sit right up on your chairs, for this is a special one. Since I mentioned last week that we’re going back to the start of the timeline, here’s one for y’all.

Finally, I get to use one of my favorite Johnny GIFs of all time since it’s related to the story.

I mean, I literally gasped when I watched this for the first time. How dare he do this to us! My poor heart was about to pass out then.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: This installment is a follow-up to How They Met, and how Johnny was to Essie before they became friends. I wrote these stories based on the teaser videos the group had for ‘Elevator (127F)’ and ‘Pandora’s Box’ hence using that dreamy GIF.

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 1,700 + words

Warning: Italics are for thoughts.

–––

Essie will never forget the time that Johnny pretended to be the pizza delivery boy so he could flirt with her.

It was weeks after they first met when they talked outside her apartment. She was carrying Chinese food takeout as they conversed, delaying her lunch with her best friend Nini.

For this instance, he did the same but in a way that she expected from him. She heard that he was quite a player, and she should try not to fall in love with him. But unfortunately, she did.

It was a cold day – as always in Korea – and despite Nini’s craving for noodles, Essie didn’t cave in to her request. She wanted a giant pizza that had warm and gooey cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers, so she called Pizza Express to have her custom order.

“I have no complaints with what we’re having for lunch since you’re paying for it, right?�� Nini said, flashing a Cheshire cat grin to her best friend.

“Ugh, isn’t that obvious?” Essie rolled her eyes, “I know I’ll be paying for it. So please, be a patient old lady and wait for our food, okay?”

The other girl gave her a thumbs-up before she resumed the video she was watching on YouTube.

///

A few minutes later, their doorbell rang. Essie rushed to the door and checked the peephole if it was indeed the delivery guy. She gulped when she saw someone she didn’t expect to appear at her front door again.

It’s Johnny motherclucking Suh. What the crap is he doing here?

She saw him dancing while holding the Pizza Express box with one hand. He wore a checkered shirt with a funky-patterned cardigan on top and a pair of khaki chinos. The booger also wore eyeglasses and had his light-colored hair curly! He emulated nerd chic, which he is a far cry from in real life.

“Essie, is that the pizza? Why aren’t you opening the door?” Nini asked, who looked at her friend curiously.

The curly-haired girl peered into the peephole again and saw that Johnny was still dancing with the pizza box on one hand. He was doing robotic moves with his other hand and made silly faces as well.

“Yeah, it is the pizza guy…” Essie started, tempted to look into the peephole for the third time, “but at the same time, it isn’t.”

“Huh, what do you mean by that?”

“It looks like Johnny Suh has our pizza, and he’s dancing like an idiot outside our apartment.”

Nini burst into laughter with her statement. “Wow, he must be so into you then. He had to sabotage the real pizza delivery guy so he could flirt his way into your heart,” she said.

“Niniiiii!” her best friend whined, who also stomped the floor at how flustered she was. “Just open the freaking door, and I’m hungry,” the older girl grumbled before going back to her phone.

After three deep breaths, Essie finally opened the door to let Johnny Suh deliver their order. “One custom giant pizza with three different cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers,” he said in his best professional voice before handing the box to her.

“Yeah, that is correct,” she mumbled, absentmindedly grabbing the pizza with one hand while the other searched into her pockets. “How much was it again?”

“Oh, no need to pay for that, princess, I already took care of it.” Johnny winked at her and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Oh God, Johnny…” Essie wasn’t able to contain her annoyance with his antics and rolled her eyes. “What brings you here then, aside from sabotaging the real pizza delivery guy?”

“I want to see how you’re doing,” he replied suavely, running a hand through his curly mane. “I was just in the area, wanting to hang out with my hyungs, but it turns out they weren’t in their apartment. Then I saw the pizza guy and knew that he was coming here, so I wanted to surprise you.”

“Okay then, thank you,” she said monotonously before heading inside again. “You may leave now if you want.”

“I’ll take no for an answer there, ma’am,” he said, now catching up with her in the apartment. “We might as well hang out.”

“Then I return the same answer to you, sir. No, I don’t want to hang out with you. Today’s my day off, and I want to catch up on sleep,” Essie placed the pizza on the kitchen counter then went to the fridge to retrieve some hot sauce.

“Then I’ll watch you sleep,” Johnny was persistent to make the girl hang out with him. “Or yet, sleep beside you.”

“Johnnyyyyy!” She couldn’t take it anymore and threw a glare at him. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“Because I want what I want to have right now, and that is to hang out with you!”

“Don’t you have any other friends than our neighbors? You can bother them instead!”

“But I don’t want to! I’m already here too, and I know you, so why the heck not?”

“Hold up, hold up! What is happening here?” Nini asked as she entered the kitchen. “It’s past noon, and your voices are too loud! What are you two arguing about?”

Essie rolled her eyes (for the nth time that day) and folded her arms over her chest. “He’s a stubborn piece of ass,” she grumbled. “And she’s an annoying baby princess,” he rebutted.

The older girl looked at them silently before bursting into laughter again. “Oh, you amuse me, Essie. Just give in to his request for now. He made the effort to deliver our pizza. And I bet you didn’t have to pay for it because he already did.”

“Fine, you all win!” The curly-haired girl glared at her best friend and the flirty guy. “But you better behave yourself, mister, because I am not having it.” She took out all the packets of hot sauce from the fridge and grabbed the pizza box again so she could take it to the living room.

“I promise I’ll be a good boy,” he purred in her ear when she has settled the food on the coffee table.

“Ugh, John! Please, stop doing this to me,” Essie groaned, gently pushing him away from her. “I’m thankful for treating us to pizza, but you don’t have to be so damn freaking flirty! We can be friends but not if you’re acting this way.”

Her words hit something in Johnny, who now flashed her a genuine smile. “You do? We can be friends?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, sure. But just don’t do this again. I feel uncomfortable when someone’s too flirty.”

“But that’s part of my personality, babe. You’ll get used to it. But I’m glad we can be friends,” he said as he sat down beside her on the couch, opening the pizza box he held for approximately five minutes outside.

As the two started eating, Nini was watching them from the kitchen doorway. She never saw someone who acted like Johnny toward her best friend. He was quite direct with his actions, which most guys she saw Essie interact with don’t have the guts to do.

She smiled as Johnny dabbed the sides of Essie’s lips with a napkin. She saw how her best friend was embarrassed at the situation – her ears were glowing red. Nini held back her laughter this time and returned to the living room to get her share of pizza.

\\\

“I remember you were such a flirt when we first met, John,” Essie said one time when they were having breakfast.

Her boyfriend, who was in a white shirt that clung to his body nicely, almost spit out his food from the memory.

“Why do you have to remind me that, baby? I know we didn’t start on a good footing,” he said before eating a spoonful of rice and omelet.

“I know, but that was funny,” she giggled, gently pushing aside her utensils to grab the cup of coffee to her left. “Who knew I’d end up with you?”

He shrugged at her question and continued eating in silence. Essie observed him with a smile on her face as he ate. His hair, which was now light brown with some highlights, was tousled, and some strands almost covered his beautiful honey eyes. He had a ketchup stain near the collar of his shirt. The veins on his arms were more protruding.

“What are you looking at, babe?” He asked, slowly looking up at her.

“You,” she said softly before bringing the cup of coffee to her lips. “I am so lucky to have you, and sometimes I can’t still believe that we’re together, you know?”

“I could say the same too,” he responded with a grin on his face. “You know how the song goes: Everything I do, I do it for you,” he sang aloud the lyrics to the famous Bryan Adams song, making his girlfriend put down her cup of coffee and laugh.

“Damn, you’re cheesy!” She guffawed, slapping the table for effect. She thought of the moments that happened earlier – he was the one who woke her up by opening their sky blue curtains to let some sunlight shine through. “Good morning, baby, wake up,” he whispered before drawing them close when he saw her sit up from the bed.

Even if it took her ages to get up – it was the weekend away – Johnny returned to their shared bedroom and plopped beside her. He laid on the bed with his body face down, showing off his wide but sculpted back. He rested his face on one of their pillows and looked at her lovingly.

“Love, please,” she said breathlessly, captivated with his beauty. “Come on now, let’s have breakfast,” he cooed, pulling her wrist repeatedly from his comfortable position.

“What did you prepare for us?” Essie replied, now standing at the foot of the bed. “The usual, because that’s the best I can cook,” he chuckled before he stood up and carried her bridal-style to their dining room.

“Thank you,” she said once he helped her to her seat. She pecked him on the cheek, which he returned on the lips. “Anything for my darling Essie.”

–––

FIN

P.S. If you’ve noticed, I tend to end my stories with that line. It may or may not be intentional.

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edourado · 5 years ago

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Together, ch vi

Based on a true experience. I might post photo evidence later, if prompted.

Hope this pleases, eases anxiety, and makes you hungry - like it did to me.

Much love ♥

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Frank now made a lot of popcorn. A lot.

They did their best to establish a rhythm that would help them not lose their mind during quarantine: Frank had his runs on the crack of dawn, Karen would watch many YouTube videos on exercise, yoga, pilates, meditation, hiit, full body workouts, a whole variety.

The dogs also brought more activities for them. Lady had to be walked, Pooka had to be trained, they both had to be bathed, vaccinated, fed, taken care of.

Frank was still finding things to tweak around the apartment, Karen spent a lot of time cataloguing hers and Frank’s books, arranging them in alphabetical order, making a list of which she wanted to read and what order she wanted to read them.

Still. Twenty-four hours in an apartment, seven days a week, there was still plenty of time to spare.

So they watched movies and tv shows and documentaries and YouTube videos about this or that. And Frank always made them popcorn.

Sometimes they found movies that they really liked, sometimes they would strike up in conversation only a few minutes in, and eat their popcorn while the TV went on, ignored. Sometimes they would fall asleep, sometimes Frank would pin her down on the couch and she would wrap herself around him.

A lot of variables, one constant: popcorn.

He would always get a bag of lose kernel, saying that the microwave stuff had a “weird smell”, and would spend a few minutes standing in front of the stove, the dogs sitting eagerly at his feet, until there was a beautiful, amazing smelling bowl of popcorn in his hands, that he would take to the couch, where Karen waited for him, remote control at the ready.

“This kitchen has never seen so much action before, I swear”, she said one day, while he stood making his popcorn and she dumped cake batter on a pan, ready to take it to the oven.

Their breakfast came from the bakery at the corner, where they were now regulars. Every day, Frank would buy coffee and something to eat - bread, croissants, bagels, a new item the chef added to the menu. Karen would go and buy donuts, cake, pastries and supplies for her own kitchen experiments.

Lunch was sometimes ordered in, when they felt like eating sushi, fried chicken, chinese, thai food, something that they were not equipped to make themselves.

Dinner was, most of the time, the leftovers of lunch. And sometimes it would be popcorn.

Most of the time, though, they would cook. Karen had a notebook filled with recipes, that she said she got from her mother, who collected recipes from family, neighbors, celebrities, magazines.

“I don’t even know how I have this”, she told him one day. “I definitely don’t remember packing it before I left Vermont, but I did.”

Frank also had a few recipes under his belt, but they weren’t written down.

And they already had a few favorite of their own, and would go through them depending on their mood, on the weather, on the supplies they had. Some, however, they tried only once, like this thing that looked like something canned, but wasn’t. A gelatinous thing that didn't require any gelatine, savory sort of cake that could be eaten cold or warm, according to Mrs. Page’s notes. Karen tried it one day, and one bite was enough for them to decide they would not be trying it again.

“It’s not even the taste”, she said, washing the dishes afterwards. “The texture threw me off, what even was that?”

“Maybe you missed something?” Frank suggested, putting the clean dishes away - he never let them just sit on the sink. They had to be immediately properly stored in the cupboard.

“I triple checked. It was definitely right.”

The lasagna was a success. So was Maria’s pasta, and Frank’s own pancakes.

He rolled his eyes when she said both Matt and Foggy liked her triple chocolate cookies.

“Oh, if Matt likes them.”

.:.

They were both lying on the hammock one afternoon, a big bowl of popcorn sitting on Frank’s stomach, the dogs snoozing inside, by the window.

The popcorn had been intended to go with a movie, but Karen then noticed how nice it was outside, and the color of the sky was beautiful, so they decided to watch the sunset instead.

She was making brownies, a simple recipe she knew since she was a kid, and the batter had tasted amazing. However,

“Oh no!” she said, and moved quickly to get out of the hammock and back inside, startling Frank, who had his eyes closed and his arm around her.

“What?” he asked, sitting up.

“The brownies”, she said simply, hurrying back inside, and that’s when he smelled it. Burnt.

“Shit!” he heard her say, and tried to peer inside without getting up.

“What happened?” he asked, spotting her sitting in front of the the open stove, trying to maneuver the pan inside.

“I don’t know, it just… Overflowed.”

She sounded frustrated.

“Oh, crap”, she went on. “There was baking powder in the flower, I got the wrong one!”

“Is it all ruined?” he asked.

She tried to put another pan under the original one, to catch the batter that was spilling, and decided to leave it in the oven for the rest of the remaining time.

It didn’t smell good. The batter that had fallen into the oven itself burned to a crisp, filling the apartment with a nauseating smell. Frank opened all the windows and Karen sprayed lavender water around.

When she did take the thing out of the oven, the brownie looked a mess. And she wanted to toss the whole thing, but Frank noticed that the crust looked actually pretty good in the original pan. Trying a piece, he lifted his brows, surprised.

“It’s still good.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not, try it.”

And it was. It had spilled, and it was not pretty, but aside from that, it was a very good brownie.

In the end, she had scraped the spilled parts from the extra pan she had put in the oven, cut the thing in little pieces and transferred it to a different container, throwing the burnt parts into the trash. Frank called her back outside, to resume her place next to him in his hammock, and they finished the popcorn and nibbled on the honest to God very tasty brownie.

“I’ll make another one”, she promised. “With the correct flower, and it’ll look and taste amazing, you’ll see.”

He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes again, glad he didn't have to lie to appease her feelings - something he had been fully prepared to do.

.:.

A few weeks later, after they had stocked their pantry with fresh groceries, he smelled brownies again. Looking over, he saw her sitting in front of the oven, Lady sitting by her side, Poka squeezed between them, his tail lazily going from side to side, watching the oven.

A few minutes later, and she walked over to him, with a plate full of beautiful, wonderful smelling square pieces of brownie.

“Told ya”, she said, happily, after he tasted it and assured her that it was very, very good.

Frank smiled, got another piece, and ignored the dogs pleading eyes.

#kastle #kastle fluff #kastle ff #Frank Castle #Karen Page #the punisher #daredevil #quarantine drabbles

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need-a-fugue · 5 years ago

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Why Not? - Chapter Five

Summary: With a garage to run and a young daughter to, well… run after, Bucky Barnes doesn’t exactly have time for dating. And with his relationship track record – and the constant meddling of a certain overbearing best friend – he’s not so sure that’s a bad thing. But then he meets Annie – a rather insistent, pretty damn cute fellow car enthusiast – and it’s got him asking himself, despite all his hesitations, why not?

Author’s Note: Written for Little Darlin’s Mystery AU Challenge. Thanks to @sourpatchkidsandacokecan for triggering this… sprawling thing simply by supplying me with the prompt of Mechanic!AU for Bucky. It’s taken on a life of its own already… look at what you’ve done!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: Bit of angst, mostly fluff.

Chapter Five

They end up driving around the city until the sun begins to set, stopping only once along the way to partake of some ice cream – double fudge for Annie and butter pecan for Bucky – which they end up swapping halfway through. A quick scrub down with loads of napkins and hand sanitizer – I should’ve just brought baby wipes, you’re as bad as Lana – and more than a few raucous laughs and self-deprecating smiles – You’re the one who wore strawberry jam to dinner – and they find themselves back on the road, heading in the direction of his place.

It’s almost nine by the time they get there, Annie not paying any attention at all as she steps through the door, too focused on making sure the Chinese delivery order is correct before hitting accept on her phone. “You don’t have to do that,” he tells her, a genuine lilt to his voice. “I can just make us something.”

“Oh,” she mutters without looking up. “Like waffles?”

He stops short in the small entryway, spinning to face her with a serious stare. “Do not think you’re leaving here without at least a dozen to take home with you.”

She snorts out a giggle, but doesn’t bother looking up until he flips on the lights and ushers her all the way in, softly closing the door behind her. Then… her eyes widen in both shock and awe.

“I know,” he murmurs, sounding utterly dejected. “I told you, the place is a wreck.” He kicks aside a stuffed monkey, launching it into the air and sending it somewhere back behind the couch. “Lana was with me all week so I didn’t really get a chance to clean.” He leans down and gathers a handful of toys into his arms – another monkey, some sort of dog-like action figures, a doll with a missing head – and spins awkwardly in a circle before dumping them back behind a shelf in the corner.

She glances at her phone just long enough to send the delivery order through and sputters out a laugh, turning in a lazy circle herself to take in the sheer chaos of the place. Her mouth drops as a thick chuckle dies in her throat. “My God… you are a slob!”

He grinds to a halt, brow furrowing, face twisting in a wholly incredulous expression. “Hey, most of this stuff isn’t mine.”

She immediately points to the small kitchen table, half of it taken up with what looks to be a turbo sitting atop oil-pocked newspapers, and raises an accusatory brow.

“I’ll have you know, that’s for a friend’s bike. Like I said, almost all of this crap belongs to… someone else,” he finishes, lips puckering with confusion when his gaze lands on the head of the aforementioned doll, placed precariously atop a box of Froot Loops. He quickly swipes both items, chucking the head into the trash – and internally dreading the possibility of having to explain where it went later – and shoving the sugary cereal into the pantry.

“Oh, I see,” Annie intones teasingly, stepping carefully over a pile of storybooks collapsed in the center of the living room. “Yes. I suppose that Lana went out and bought all of these things herself, brought everything home and then… decorated the house with them. All on her own.” She cocks a sly brow at him along with closed-lip smirk.

“Yeah,” he replies coolly, running a hand through his hair and looking sheepishly around the room, taking everything in and seeming a bit… lost for what to do. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

She spurts out a laugh and makes her way to the sofa, collapsing back and reclining into the fuzzy purple throw pillow behind her. “Food should be here in about an hour,” she breathes out, snuggling in deep to make herself comfortable.

Bucky disappears into the small kitchen, heading for the fridge that she can just make out from over the top of the breakfast bar. Something shimmers in her periphery and she shifts to see what it is, sliding further down the couch and twisting to her right to settle her back against the armrest. Frowning curiously, she tugs at the bright yellow fabric, plucking a sparkly princess dress from between the cushions.

“You into Belle?” Bucky asks casually as he returns to the living room to find her gently fingering the tulle skirt. He’s got two beers in hand, leans over to offer her one before he rather indelicately flops down beside her. A sharp wince pulls from between his teeth and he twists around to pull a plastic toy screwdriver out from beneath his hip, small growl sounding as he tosses it aside.

“I love Belle.” She sets her beer onto the floor by the sofa, carefully lays the glittery dress out over her chest and beams up at him. “Do I look pretty?”

He nods simply – appreciatively – and bites back a chuckle as he takes a quick swig from his beer. “Yeah, doll,” he replies, twisting around to set the bottle on the side table. “You look real pretty.”

She hums out a small laugh and lets her eyes slowly blink shut. “Once I get some kung pow chicken in me, I’ll be revived enough to clean this place up for you.”

“The hell you will,” he mutters, reaching out and pulling her feet into his lap. “You’re a guest here.” He tugs at her boots, almost smacking himself in the face with one when it comes off too suddenly, and then actually dragging her further down the couch – bright, melodic giggles spilling out of her – as he struggles with the other. “Jesus,” he intones, flinging the other boot across the room once she’s finally free.

“I hope you know where that landed,” she muses, letting herself melt a little further into the overstuffed sofa as he begins gently massaging her feet. “I’m a little worried I might never find it in here.”

“I’ll buy you a new pair. It’ll probably be easier.”

Her eyes drift shut again, the long day finally catching up with her. She hadn’t been back home since yesterday afternoon, crashing on her sister’s couch after gabbing all night about her date – the first date she’d been on since moving to the city well over a year ago. And of course, her six-month-old nephew had her up by five, which really wasn’t that big of a deal anyway, considering she had to be at work by six thirty to get Tony prepped for an impromptu trip to Sri Lanka.

Annie worked long enough – and strange enough – hours at Stark Industries to necessitate an entire closet full of attire in her small first-floor office, so changing out of her sister’s proffered sweats was no big deal. But running all over town in the short skirt and ankle boots – admittedly chosen for their cute factor and not any sort of utilitarian measure – while helping Pepper out with wedding things had left her craving those sweats like nobody’s business.

She lets out an involuntary moan when Bucky hits just the right spot, his thumb pressing into her instep in a way both painful and magical. “Where did you learn to do this?” she asks with an almost astonished cadence.

“The internet,” he replies blithely. She opens her eyes and lifts herself onto her elbows to glare at him, earning little more than a sheepish shrug in response. “When Nat was pregnant,” he mutters, voice low, almost shy, “she was waiting tables for a while… on her feet all day… said they always hurt. So I hit up YouTube for some tips.”

A small, tender smile splits her face. “Lucky lady.”

He shrugs again, scoffs as well. “I don’t know about that. She got stuck with me. For a while anyway.”

Her brow furrows and she hauls herself up a little higher, awkwardly tucking the fluffy purple back pillow behind her. “Why do you say that?” she asks, voice aching with sincerity. “Why do you say it like that… stuck with you?”

Another shrug. “We never meant… I mean… we were just friends. We fooled around some. Then… boom. Baby.”

“Yeah, but… still. She married you. I can’t imagine she ever thought she was stuck with you.” She flops back a bit, lets her eyes linger on the stark white ceiling above. “Not when you give foot rubs like this.”

A shy, almost nervous-sounding laugh burbles out of him, one that he quickly tries to cover by changing the subject, emitting with a lilt, “Why the hell would you wear those shoes all day if they’re so uncomfortable anyway?”

She lets out a small hum. “You have got a lot to learn about women.”

“Not something I haven’t heard before.”

She pulls herself upright and looks at him with a crooked smile. “You’re doing alright right now, though,” she offers with a wink before falling back into the pillow again. “I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “I shouldn’t be this tired. It was just a looooong day.”

“Yeah? What’d you do?”

A short scoff spills from her lips. “You don’t want to know,” following it out along with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Bucky drops her foot and leans over to take hold of the flippant hand – along with her other wrist – hauling her up into a sitting position. She lets out a small squeak in protest and proceeds to collapse sideways into the rear cushions of the couch, remaining upright, though just barely. He stifles a laugh and gently swipes her mussed hair back behind her ear, fingers – admittedly – lingering longer than needed. “I want to know,” he says, voice slow and low, as his thumb drops to trace lazily down her neck before his hand finally falls away altogether, nervously coming back to rest on his thigh.

It takes her a moment to recover, the chill left behind from that single, slow touch sending a small shockwave through her that leaves her temporarily speechless. “Um,” she mutters amid a timid laugh. “Well… today, I mostly helped Pepper – Ms. Potts – out with some wedding arrangements.”

“That’s Stark’s fiancée?”

She nods.

“The one who used to have your job?” he asks with a teasing brow cocked.

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, technically. But that was a long time ago. Now she’s the CEO of Stark Industries.”

His brows twist in confusion. “What the hell is Stark then?”

She shrugs – “Figurehead.” – then cracks a smile at her own joke. “He’s still on the board. Still has his hands in pretty much everything.” A long, languid sigh rolls out of her. “And he does a lot of charity stuff, believe it or not. You know, everyone thinks that he’s just this vapid, selfish billionaire. But he’s given away millions in scholarship funds and endowments. And when he isn’t actively looking for businesses – and people – to invest in, he’s doing his own fundraising, setting up new grants and projects.” Her eyes tick away, stare shifting almost dreamily off into the distance. “He’s a really good person. Sometimes you just have to… dig a little to find it.”

Bucky nods – slowly, appreciatively – as he watches her far-off gaze with a sort of distant fondness of his own. Then, a teasing smirk tugging at his lips, he asks, “Are you one of his projects?”

Her head spins round in a flash, long hair flying and settling at her shoulders, revealing a look of absolute astonishment on her face. “What?”

He laughs – nervous, stilted. “No. No, I just meant… him trying to get you a date. Or…” His forehead furrows – the expression quickly becoming one of her favorite sights – as he finishes with, “Or deciding if I was… what? Good enough to go on a date with you?”

Her shoulders relax, tension quickly melting away. “Ah, that. Yeah, well… truthfully, he’s been trying to set me up for… well about as long as I’ve known him. All work and no play, he likes to say. Of course, he says that and then immediately sends me out on some impossible task that takes ‘til midnight to complete.” She shakes her head, ratcheting side to side to reset her thoughts and get back to the point. “I haven’t really dated anyone since moving to the city. And I think Tony views celibacy as some kind of personal affront. Or… sacrilege.”

“So sex is God?” he asks with a laugh.

“To Tony Stark? Yes. Sex, money, and power.”

“Yeah, he sounds like a real great guy,” he mocks. “How long have you been in the city?”

She drops her head, that beautiful blush blooming along her neck and cheeks as she utters shyly, “A little over a year. And I was commuting before that, which took up even more time. So, really… well, it’s been a while since I was… involved with anyone.”

He nods simply, lips pulling into a tight-lipped frown as he debates whether or not to tell her that, “I haven’t dated anyone in years. Haven’t gotten laid in a long-ass time either.” Then, snorting indelicately and dropping his head in a regretful shake, he mutters, “Shit. Why did I say that?”

A loud and boisterous chortle spills out of her. “I don’t know. But it made me feel better.”

“Yeah?” He looks over at her, crooked smile seeming cocky on the surface, but clearly covering a bundle of nerves as he gazes up at her, bright blue eyes glistening in the dim lamplight.

“Yeah,” she confirms lightly, turning away just a bit, that beautiful stare almost too much to take.

“So, where were you commuting from?” he asks then, awkwardly clearing his throat. “Please don’t say Long Island.”

Her mouth drops, gaping wide. “Why does everyone have such a problem with Long Island?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

“And I suppose you’ve always been in Brooklyn?” she snipes in return.

“Born and raised. Steve and I grew up on this same block.”

“Wow,” she mutters, a teasing lilt to the word. “So you and Steve have known each other… forever then?”

“Pretty much,” he replies, his eyes shifting away as a sudden darkness rolls over them.

She rather quickly recalls the incident from earlier, the palpable tension rolling off of him when discussing Steve taking Lana home. “And he’s… with your ex now?” she asks, showing hardly any hesitation.

Admittedly, thinking before speaking has never been one of Annie’s strong suits. Oh, she knows when it’s not her place to say something. She knows when subjects are better left untouched. But all too often, that little voice inside that tells her to shut her damn mouth sounds after she’s already spilled. Hell, that’s how Tony found out about her little crush to begin with, when she couldn’t stop prattling on about the cute guy who fawned over her Bronco, not even thinking about who she was sharing all of this with.

Bucky hesitates, gnawing on the corner of his lip as he – presumably – thinks on what to say. And, for a moment, she fears that her big mouth may have gotten her into trouble once again. But when he does speak, he doesn’t sound angry at all, not irritated nor annoyed with her inquiry in the least. Rather he seems… earnest. Candid, even.

“He moved in with Nat a few months ago,” he starts, shifting beside her. “They’ve been dating a while.” A long, deflating sigh billows out of him and he reaches for his beer, takes a nice, long swig before going on. “Didn’t really bother me much when they started. They’re a hell of lot better matched than we ever were. But… moving in…”

Annie hikes her shoulders up a bit, sitting a little straighter, pulling herself a little closer to him before asking, “It’s just… weird?”

He nods, takes another pull, then crinkles his brow and shakes his head instead. “No. Actually it’s not. I think maybe that’s the problem. This thing with them… it’s real. And that means… I guess that means…” He lets out a short, sardonic laugh and slams the bottle back down onto the side table, runs his hands through his hair in an almost violent way. “I don’t know what it means.”

She licks her lips slowly, eyes still trained on his fractious face. But for once, she says nothing.

Bucky’s gaze falls to the floor as his elbows drop to his knees. “It means he gets it all,” he mutters softly, voice barely a whisper. He shrugs, lets out a long sigh. “He’ll be Svetlana’s…” he utters in an almost despondent tone. “I don’t know. More than Uncle Steve.”

She slowly shifts on the couch next to him, folding her legs up beneath her. “And that worries you?”

“I don’t know,” he breathes out, sitting back and shaking his head languidly before sinking into the cushions. He stretches casually, reaching an arm back behind her and wrapping it loosely over her shoulders, the gesture seeming utterly ordinary and natural.

Without thinking, she settles in, leans her head back onto his bicep. “You trust him with her?”

Wide eyes shoot her way. “Yeah, of course. He loves her like crazy. And he’s great with her.” He looks away, gaze turning a bit pensive, melancholy even. “No, it’s not that. It’s just…”

“He might get to spend more time with her than you?” she asks, already knowing the answer. He bites down on his bottom lip, clearly not wanting to offer any kind of confirmation. “You mentioned that when she starts school, she’ll probably spend more time at her mom’s,” she mentions casually.

He nods, lets his lip slowly pop free from the tightly clenched teeth. “Yeah.”

“But,” she starts, turning bodily to face him. “Does he make waffles like you do? Dozens at a time with every topping imaginable?”

The tiniest smile quirks on his face. “No. No, Steve can barely boil water. When he has to feed her breakfast it’s usually donuts.”

“And what about…” she reaches down and plucks the felled princess costume from the floor, smoothing it out across her lap. “Dress up… does he play princess dress up with her?”

He cocks his head to the side, single brow raised high. “I never said I play dress up with her.”

“Oh so you’ve never put on a tiara just because that little girl asked you to?” His lips press into a tight, firm line, only barely managing to hide the telling smile breaking underneath. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She gives a single, definitive nod. “And would he let her completely trash the place like this?” she asks with a smirk.

“Oh, Steve definitely would. But he lives with Natasha now and she runs a tight ship, so he’s shit outta luck there.”

She leans back again and snuggles close to him, gently running her cheek along the smooth fabric of his T-shirt as her head lazily drops to his shoulder, and then to his chest. “But could he ever be her dad?” she asks, feeling him stiffen beneath her for a long, agonizing moment before his muscles loosen and he lets out a sigh.

“No. No one else could be,” he says, a hint of doubt still lingering in the forlorn words.

“My sister’s on her second husband,” she blurts out then. “So I know… I mean, I can see how hard divorce is on people. Well, actually, my parents split when I was a kid too. So… yeah…” She twitches nervously and he brings his hand down off the side of the couch, lays a giant palm atop her upper arm and slowly, soothingly rakes his thumb along her shoulder.

“And you turned out okay?”

“Well, I know how to pick up after myself at least.”

He snorts out a small laugh. “Guess there’s something you can teach me then, huh?”

“Guess so,” she mutters, snuggling deeper into his chest and letting her lids lazily drift shut. The soft, slow rhythm of his heart beats steadily beneath her ear, his breath warm atop her head, and before she even has the chance to second guess what’s about to happen, she drifts off to sleep.

000

He wakes her when the food arrives, shrugging off her wholehearted embarrassment when she spies a line of drool pocking his T-shirt as they get set up at the kitchen table. “I spent almost two years of my life covered in drool,” he mutters, unpacking the takeout. “Frankly, it’s the least disgusting bodily fluid I’ve gotten on me.”

Her face pinches in repulsion, rosy blush still nipping at the tops of her ears. “It’s a little different when it’s your kid, though.”

He waits for her to drop into a seat before flopping down himself, holding out a fork with one hand and a set of chopsticks with the other. “Who said all of that was from my kid?”

She chuckles shyly and plucks the proffered fork from his hand. “Good choice,” he mutters, tossing the chopsticks aside and grabbing another fork to dig into some lo mien. “No need to show off for me.”

“Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t be showing off. I’d only be embarrassing myself more.” She shovels some broccoli onto her plate, waiting patiently with a small, crooked grin as he casually reaches over to dump some fried rice out for her as well. “I went with Tony to Shanghai last month and we got hot pot. Which I had never had before.” From the corner of her eye, she continues to watch as he fills in her plate, spooning on some chicken and an eggroll. “We were halfway through the meal, I’d managed to eat maybe two pieces of… whatever it was I could actually catch with the chopsticks, when the waiter came over and set down a fork beside me. Just me. No one else. Didn’t even say a word, just kind of looked at me in that way you look at a child who’s having trouble tying his shoes as you take over and do it for him. You know the way? Like, good try, sport, but let me help you out here.”

He lets out a hearty laugh and slumps back in his chair, finally serving himself a heaping helping of each and every dish. She continues to watch him, a soft twinkle in her eye, one that only grows when he glances up and catches her staring, his eyes shifting nervously as he asks, “What?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, coy smile still pulling at the corner of her mouth. “It’s just… I don’t usually get served takeout.”

“Ah, yeah,” he breathes out self-consciously, setting down the final container and absently twirling his fork between his fingers. “I guess I’m just used to making up someone’s plate when sitting down to eat.”

“It’s cute,” she quips before popping a giant chunk of chicken into her mouth.

He quirks a side-eye at her as she struggles to chew around the bite. “You want me to cut it all up for you too? I’m pretty good at it.”

She snorts out a laugh, finally swallowing everything down and finishing it off with a quick swig of lukewarm beer. “I’m sure you are. Lots of practice, I imagine.”

His lips purse, head nodding purposively, and he points at her meal with his fork, single brow raised high. “You just let me know if you need more,” he says, mirthful expression cracking at the edges of his face. “But no fortune cookie ‘til you clean your plate.”

She hums out another laugh, scoops up another forkful of food. “Do you and Lana get Chinese a lot?”

He shrugs, swallows down his bite, and mutters. “Not too much. She’ll only eat white rice. And the cookies.”

“I went through a nothing-but-white-rice phase,” she says with a slow nod.

“Yeah? When you were a kid?”

“When I was 27.”

His brows curl together, pure amusement shining through the bewilderment. And he shakes his head fondly. “So, Stark took you to China,” he muses, swirling together some of the food on his plate. “You get to travel with him a lot?”

He catches her off guard, another too-large mouthful of food being slowly macerated. She smiles shyly, lips tightly closed as she struggles to finish chewing, to steadily swallow as he stares at her with an expression of mock impatience, his bright blue eyes positively swimming in a hypnotizing sort of joy. Finally, finally, she’s able to choke out, “Some. Not a lot. Just depends what he needs.”

Bucky nods, a long, languid bobbing of his head as he seems to think on her words. “You do whatever he needs? I mean… like you’re at his beckon call?”

Her forehead furrows a bit, eyes narrowing. “No, not really,” she offers with a shrug. “I mean… sometimes I work kind of crazy hours. And sometimes I’ll travel with him. But he’s pretty good about… understanding.”

He cocks his head. “Understanding what?”

She lets loose with a soft chortle. “Understanding what us real humans need. That man can go for days without a break. He doesn’t even need coffee to keep him going. If he’s on to something… some kind of great idea… he’ll run with it, forgoing sleep, food… making me cancel all of his appointments.” She looks back up at him, waving her empty fork absently through the air. “That’s actually the toughest part of my job… keeping track of all the excuses I’m forced to make on his behalf. Making sure no one catches us in a lie.”

He goes strangely silent for a long moment, eyes dropping to the still-full plate in front of him. “He makes you lie for him?”

The tenor of his voice makes it clear that he doesn’t like that one bit, the way his jaw stiffly sets and shifts when she chances a glance at him only confirming his disapproval. “No,” she says amid a nervous-sounding cough. “No, I mean… sometimes I have to make up excuses for him. But…” She shrugs then, realizing that, “It’s just part of the job.”

He looks up at her then, the blue of his eyes shifting in shade, making his gaze deep, bottomless, darkly profound. “Is that the job you want, Annie?” he asks, voice low and sincere.

Her mouth gapes, bobs open and closed for a moment before, “I… I don’t know,” spills out of her.

“You just… you don’t to seem to have a problem going after what you want,” he intones, dropping a short chuckle and a sly wink at the end.

She drops her head a bit, turning away to stave off the blush that she’s fairly certain would burn at any woman’s cheeks after encountering that sultry, blue-eyed wink. “Yeah, yeah,” she breathes out with a slight chuckle. “I don’t know why you even let me in here. I’m obviously stalker material.”

He shrugs, turns back to his food and absently twirls his fork through some lo mien. “I was afraid you’d find some other powerful billionaire to sic on me if I turned you down.”

“I really only know the one,” she says with a sigh. “Met others in passing, but I don’t think they’d commit like Tony did.”

He snorts out a quick laugh, taking a beat to stare absently down at his plate as he seems to mull something over in his head. “It’s just…” he mutters vaguely. “You just… seem like you should be the high-powered billionaire.” A swift, surprised laugh chokes out of her, causing his lips to unconsciously quirk upwards despite his gaze never leaving the pile of food before him. “Really, though. You seem like you could do more… so much more, than just clean up after some selfish – ”

“Careful,” she interrupts, a hint of sincerity to her otherwise light tone.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m very good at cleaning up after people,” she teases, slowly shoving aside a small wrench and absently rubbing at the grease smear it leaves behind on the table. “As you will see later.”

“I’m serious,” he declares, pulling his shoulders straight and tall to validate his statement. “You… you’re smart and driven… and sweet and funny. Patient.”

“Easy to talk to,” she interjects, repeating his comment from the other night, the one she immediately – and proudly – committed to memory.

He nods, rolling his eyes just a little. “Easy to talk to,” he affirms before falling silent for another long moment. “What do you want to do? I mean… I’m guessing you didn’t exactly dream of being a personal assistant when you were little?”

Her brows lift and drop in rapid succession, as she takes a second to reflect. “No,” she drawls out finally. “No, when I was little I dreamt of being a princess.” Her eyes positively gleam as she tosses a quick glance over her shoulder at the yellow dress draped over the couch in the other room.

He snorts a laugh, shaking his head tenderly as he digs up another forkful of fried rice. “I’m gonna have to take you and Svetlana to Disney World, aren’t I?”

Her breath catches in her chest at the seemingly blasé comment. Eyes widening despite every attempt to hide her surprise – and glee – as she looks over at him. He’s busy staring at his plate, still swirling the different dishes together into some sort of Chinese mélange. She gratefully accepts the brief moment of diversion to quell her stuttering heart, clearing her throat to gather her words. “I wish someone would,” she murmurs, aiming for joking but landing somewhere in the realm of positively wistful.

If he picks up on her surprise or excitement – or her pathetic attempt at covering them �� it doesn’t show, a simple, “Really though,” falling from his lips amid a quick hiss after downing the rest of his beer. He quirks his head at her, holding up his empty bottle to wordlessly ask if she’d like another. She nods and he pushes up from the table, turning to reach into the fridge, his face buried behind the open door as he asks, “Once you realized that wasn’t gonna work out, what’d you want to do?”

She waits for him to sit back down, feels her face flush when he directs all of his attention – and those deep ocean eyes – her way. “Well, um,” she sputters. “Well, I went to school… I actually have a degree in organizational psychology.”

He pulls back, face twisting into a frown. “What’s that?”

“It’s basically just applying psychological principles to the workplace. I found it interesting. You know… figuring out how people operate, how best to communicate with them, how to determine if they fit into certain workplace dynamics.” She shrugs. “But I didn’t really give much thought to what I might do with it.”

“What can you do with it?”

She hums thoughtfully, dropping her chin to her open palm. “I could do something in human resources… maybe consulting. Could always go back and get my masters too, I guess.” She shrugs again before pulling upright and returning to her food. “I don’t know.”

He blows a long, slow breath out of his nose and leans back in his chair, his gaze still trained on her. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised about the psych part.” She raises an inquiring brow at him, forkful of rice halfway to her mouth. “You’ve obviously psychoanalyzed the shit outta Stark. You got me to talk about stuff that… that I don’t talk about.” He takes a quick swig of his beer and tips the bottle towards her. “You got a gift there, Annie.”

Her face remains slack and emotionless as her gut fills with an odd mix of pride and delight… and trepidation. It’s strange, talking about this side of herself… this part of her life that she’d made off limits with her family some time ago – quickly tiring of their inquiries about just what she planned to do with her life. But the truth is, this is something she’s been thinking about a lot lately, questioning ever since she made the decision to move out to the city and devote herself wholly to being Tony Stark’s aide. Because a part of her – a big part of her – took that leap in the hopes that working for the brilliant entrepreneur might somehow lead to something more.

The only problem is, she doesn’t have a clue what that more might be.

Bucky shifts in his seat, setting down his beer and picking back up his fork, shoving it indelicately into the kung pow chicken on his plate. “If you’re happy doing what you’re doing, just ignore me,” he says before taking a huge mouthful.

She watches him with a deep sort of interest, as though this veritable stranger might just be able to help her find her path in life. Maybe. Somehow. “When did you know you wanted to be a mechanic?” she asks simply.

He shrugs, swallows down his food. “I didn’t. I just… was. I mean, I like cars. I guess I’m good at it.” Another blithe shrug. “I worked at a garage for a while as a kid and then… I don’t know… Steve started talking about starting up our own. I guess I figured… why not?”

“Why not?” she repeats dully. “You chose a career, invested in a business… cemented your life in place, and you’re reasoning behind it was why not?”

He smiles slyly at her, the expression causing a pool of warmth to gather in her gut. “Sometimes that’s all there is to it, doll. You don’t have to overthink everything. Sometimes things happen – an offer on a garage or an unplanned baby or… what the hell ever – and you just gotta decide to either roll with it or… I don’t know, shut it all down.”

“And you rolled with it,” she mutters, more so to herself as she mulls over his words.

“Yeah,” he breathes out amid a soft laugh. “Sometimes that’s the way to go. So you don’t miss out on something… great. Sometimes you just gotta say to yourself, why the hell not?”

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #ldamc #dad!bucky #bucky x oc #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #marvel fanfic #avengers fanfiction #avengersau #Bucky Barnes

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god-hunter · 4 years ago

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I’m Still Evolving. And I like it!

Hey Tumblr! It’s been a while.

I haven’t written in over a month, because honestly life’s been pretty similar lately. I’ve fallen into a steady routine of taking care of myself. Physical work outs have waned in place of working out mentally. And what I mean by that is, I’ve been continuing my Self-Work with my Diary Entries and just recently caught up to 2019. That was a Hell of a trip.

But I didn’t get on here to rant about that. Instead, I wanted to acknowledge the now, since for the past few weeks, it seems like all I’ve been doing is living in the past.

So, what’s been happening since mid-August, or whenever that last entry was?

Well, that date with the Social Distancer never happened. I was annoyed about that, but not enough to want to actually get into it on here. I didn’t really care too much and I still had Needy Girl coming over every week, so that was fine.

But yeah. In the time that I’ve been taking down my notes and taking my time to write out 2018, taking some healthy time in between and then doing the same process for 2019, I’ve basically been applying to jobs!

That Thursday Interview was garbage, actually. I was there for 5 minutes, because I didn't really know much about Excel and asked for too much. But whatever, no point in wasting anyone’s time. I wasn’t in love with the job description anyway.

I’ve been applying to all sorts of things, and honestly I’ve gone through the motions. Some days are better than others. Sometimes it seems like jobs are plentiful and it’s so easy to get an interview. Then other times it seems like the competition is just as steep as it ever was, and I’ve even gotten to the point where I’m not getting the jobs I Don’t want. So put that where you will...

But for now I don’t care about any of that, because I’m on an Upswing. I know that I’ll keep plugging away and find something eventually. Also, now that I’ve gotten a lot of that Self-Work out of the way, I really do feel Mentally, better. I’ve sort of, cleared the air for myself about the past. I’ve been honest with myself about my own mistakes, and.. I don’t want to say unforgiving of her errors, but definitely acknowledging them and kind of letting them go. Because now so much time has passed that the break up was actually 7 months ago! I stopped counting. That’s a Really good sign!!

I hit a drought when it came to ladies, but that recently opened itself back up. Someone actually swiped right on me on Tinder 3 weeks ago!!! This was a bigger girl, and not an immediate pick for me, but I said, “Why not?” And ya know what? It was a good choice. We’ve gone on 3 dates since then and we have a 4th one tonight. It turns out that we have more in common than I originally thought. She’s interesting, and for now it seems that we’re both in the same place about this. We want to keep it casual and just fun, while the rest of the world sucks.

Better details would be that we talked about 3 times on the app, about just movies and random interests. But then she threw me her number to keep texting while she had an overnight shift at work, and I dunno.. something just worked while we kept talking. Conversation was actually interesting and we agreed to have our first Zoom Date later that week.

That Zoom Date happened to be on a Thursday as well, when I took a great interview. I was there for an hour! This office building was impressive and a little intimidating. It was your typical movie scene with glass dividers between desk set ups, I was in this nice conference room surrounded by glass at the head of the table, while my interviewer was a Woman that was basically my age, at the other end of the table. But there’s no point in going into more details, because I didn’t get it. I did like this job position though. It was for a Client Coordinator and I would definitely like to do something like that in the future. Especially for the right pay. But anyway, it’s needless to say that I had something to talk about that night on the Zoom Date! So I broke the ice by talking all about the interview and we laughed about stuff. She was clearly very nervous, but I got to see her Cat, she saw mine. She did the inevitable Zoom Tour of the apartment. I didn’t really do one, because my place was a mess, but she didn’t ask either. It didn’t matter, because everything else was going very well. We got more comfortable as we brought things up and found out that we both like a lot of in-depth reviews on YouTube or just watching Let’s Plays or Video Game reviews. We even got into Dream Analysis and she talked about some real stuff without getting depressing. We’re definitely on the same liberal scope, which is refreshing. But she’s also not overtly political. We even talked about past hook ups gone wrong (started by her, not me) which is more of a friend thing, but still the conversation was very comfortable. We stayed up pretty late that night, but eventually said goodnight. We both knew we’d definitely do this in person which ended up the next week. The Zoom Date helped us skip steps. We didn’t meet for dinner or anything. Instead, we just took it straight to her place for Sushi and a YouTube party. We made out at the very end of the night. That was nice. She appreciated that I didn’t just go all in right away, but took time to actually hang out with her first. [That Sushi was delicious by the way.] Oh yeah, we’re into the same music which is SUCH a huge plus to me. Yeah.. we definitely have a little spark, which is nice. But after what I’ve been through. I really can’t jump into something so fast. And she is in full agreement with that too.

Our next in person date was at my place, where we basically did the same thing over Chinese. It was some YouTube reviews and watching this Comedy Challenge show that I’ve been telling her about since we started talking. She really loved it, so that was nice. We shared fruit and chocolate dip too, which was great. I like that she’s trying to behave (and frankly doing better than me) when it comes to eating, because health has become very important to me within the last 2 or 3 years.

Take tonight for instance. We’re going to have a big salad and charcuterie for dinner. (fancy cheese and meat plate) with wine. She also told me about this trippy movie that I saw last night on her suggestion and we’re looking forward to diving into the meaning of it and stuff. That’s the type of stuff that I’m really all about. Philosophical Musing and all of that. Oh yeah! She respects the Hell out of my Self-Work writing that I’ve told her about. At very first, she just admitted that she wished she wrote more, but the fact that she was a writer means that she still has it in her. She’s a thinker, and I like my Women who can be analytical about their Media or the World. It’s important. It’s interesting.

Just don’t over-analyze me, or us, or anything. (At least within reason).

So who knows? So far, so good.

There was more to say until yesterday, but I’ll bring this girl up too. An old Highschool Flame actually hit me up on FB. To keep the story way uncomplicated, we’ve basically known each other for 20 years, she’s an adjusted Single Mom now, so it’s clear she’s been through some shit, and I’ve clearly been through my own. So somehow on FB, we’ve been complimenting each other and I was the first to just message her a hello, which turned into walking on a trail and meeting her son very quickly.

I was tempted to write that day, but I wanted to see how it played out first. Well, that day not only did I get along great with the kid, but she whispered in his ear and he invited me to Pizza Lunch with them, which was adorable. He really liked me, actually sat in my lap and hugged me at the table.. It was sweet.

But we tried this again, just the 2 of us yesterday on a 2nd trail walk, and it was a no go. I’m skipping her random FB message saying, “This is gonna sound weird, but thank you for being the kind of male I can have around my son.” Hmmm. If I didn’t catch a vibe before, I certainly did, then.

But I was super cool about it. Set up a Friday hang out in time, and I was pleased to hear that it would just be us while her son was in school. This was the perfect time to feel the vibe and find out if this was just a friend thing or actually a date.

But again, I’ll keep it short. It was just a Friend Thing. I noticed 2 things. 1. She sighed when I said, “I swear, the weather is always like this when I go on a date.” She didn’t say anything, but that sigh, practically said it all. 2. She brought up other dudes.

From there, I admitted that I’ve been dating too, and she was all excited to hear about my stuff.

Then later, I brought up her message and said I wasn’t sure if there was a vibe or not. She didn’t say no, but... she did make it clear that things were getting serious with this one co-worker she was dating or whatever. And then she was back-pedaling and saying stuff like, “Wait. Let me just make sure it’s not getting weird.”

So yeah. This was just friends. And that’s fine, because she’s awesome! And so is her kid. And I’ve already got this casual thing that I like a lot.

I was upfront with old flame. I told her that I want to keep dating for the rest of the year. Keep meeting people and experiencing new personalities. And if things get serious along the way, sort them out as I may.

Our hang got cut off while she dove more into my old hang ups. [Someone told us to get out of the parking lot because it was private property...]. But either way, it was still a very fruitful hangout. And even though the rejection was disappointing, it wasn’t necessarily unexpected. Honestly, it would’ve been too out-of-nowhere, and even Reboundish. I’ve learned that if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

But this is what it’s about! Keeping your eyes and heart open. I swiped on a bunch of people last night with no expectations. [When you treat it like a game, you’re less bound to get hurt.]. That one doesn’t merit explaining, but I just can’t stand how shallow and callous people are. So what’s the point in being invested at first look? Just swipe and see what happens. If you get the message, then you can start to feel things once they check those right boxes. But in order to find success in that, you gotta know what those boxes even are, right?

So anyway, yeah. I’m a lot more pragmatic about things. I’ve got a Tinder Girl now and things are going well. =)

I’m also still hanging out with Needy Girl, who I’m working on making less Needy. She really needs to sort out her shit and move on.

We had a whole talk about how she’s been mistaking hooking up for dating and I feel bad for her in a way, but there’s just something about her that doesn’t check all the boxes. Attraction is definitely part of it, but it’s mostly personality. She’s just not confident in herself enough. She’s hurt and super sensitive. She’s got this shy, cute, naive thing going for her on top of all of our shared interests. But that’s not enough. Especially with how she started things with me, making me the Other Man, and throwing in this Cheating Atmosphere.

I said it before, but that is not a good Foundation for a Relationship.

And again I’ve reiterated for her that I don’t really want a Relationship right now. At all!

So, Communication is Key. I’ve said it before with the Ex and even though she was in full agreement, somehow we let enough small things go that they turned into big things. Stuff that was swept under the rug became huge Resentment Issues later. So, fuck knows, man...

Alls I know is that things are very different now. And I like it that way. I’m still Evolving.

#rants #raves #life #job-hunting #dating #relationships #Social Distancer #Tinder Girl #old Flame #Needy Girl

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retrauxpunk · 5 years ago

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Rain, I ask you: ALL the quarantine asks!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? not really an ‘awakening’ so much as a ‘hint’, but Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender ... yep

Grilled cheese or PB&J? GRILLED CHEESE

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I don’t really experience this mood, but my go-to watch is the vlogbrothers YouTube channel

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? if it’s a low-key/work outing, lager or cider (esp the ones with non-apple fruits too); if it’s getting more serious (lol) or with closer friends or a more celebratory mood: vodka with sparkling apple juice

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? these Doc Martens that are white with red hearts got ’em with my first ever full time design job paycheck. i did not take care of them well so they’re super scuffed/beat-up and very much not Perfectly White ... but they’re still comfy as heck, i still love the design, and they’ve lasted 3 years so far, let’s see how much longer we can make it ... also i think they’re a limited edition so i likely won’t get my hands on any replacements...

Top three cuisines? my cheap-ass answer would be, like: East Asian, South-East Asian, Western European ... but my non-shit answer is... Japanese, Chinese, Italian (ftr i’m not a seafood fan ... i just love the ramen and non-seafood stuff that japan makes hehe)

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? i have no clue

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? cold-calling strangers to ask them to do market research phone surveys (y)

Look up. What’s directly across from you? the kitchen

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a messenger bag that i got signed by Jeph Jacques of the Questionable Content webcomic that i once adored ... and I think my boyfriend has gifted me a signed Matthew Reilly hardcover.

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? curled up indoors wearing something cosy, reading and eating something delicious. playing animal crossing lol. aaaaand listening to music, a good podcast, watching stand-up comedy, drawing, getting intoxicated...

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? occasionally the standard smoked salmon and cream cheese, but i slightly prefer the meat to be, like, prosciutto

Brunch or midnight snacks? ehh fuck it, both???? both!!

Favorite mug you own easter limited edition waitrose mug, squat and round and yellow, painted/shaped like a very round chick. a Borb,,,,

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? i actually thought about this and, uh, peppermint mocha. not for everyone, slightly weird, never fitting in with the regulars/being a default, but???? obviously awesome?? also: about 65% on the mainstream/hipster scale

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) The Wombats is the artist. lyrics are either “Let's dance to Joy Division / and celebrate the irony / Everything is going wrong, / but we're so happy” from Let’s Dance to Joy Division or “the edge of nowhere’s such a beautiful place” from Emoticons

Fruity or herbal teas? herbal but i agree with @queenofslime, black tea is the best

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? ...do i experience embarrassment about what i like to watch on TV? i don’t know if i do, because i watch relatively few shows ... and have relatively little shame? maybe???

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? ftr i wasn’t bitter about this before reading, i had no preconceived biases against, and i was pretty open to liking it -- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

Do you match your socks? if they’re of a really nice design then yes always, if they’re of a more standard/generic design then ... not necessarily

Have you ever been horseback riding? yes a few times ... on the last time which was like five years ago ... the lady said i was a natural and asked if i’d ridden much before, which was. flattering. and yes this is a Brag.

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) didn’t have much of a hardcore phase but i was pretty much always into fantasy ... oh wait yeah i did! i had a spy phase :)

Have you ever been to jail? to closed-down ones, yep

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? pretty great idea unequivocably, right?

Puzzles? i tend to enjoy riddles/lateral thinking puzzles, i am impartial about jigsaw puzzles. i enjoy escape rooms.

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? apple ... but elderflower if i’m feeling reckless (y)

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? young adult ... or stationery

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? Russian language :( it’s going не так хорошо

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? not sure if i have a go-to artist so much as go-to playlists i’ve made but some good ones are The Wombats and Bastille

Where could someone find you in a museum? mammals/birds in natural history

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? i swear i was talking about this recently but i clean the fuck forgot what it was ... oh yeah, i have this short-sleeved black minidress festooned with silver buckles/buttons and also featuring decorative suspenders ... which, yes, does make me look like a sexy military officer,,, anyway it’s pretty badass and somehow it hasn’t occurred to me till now that i can just wear that every day now if i want? ftw i do get the chance to wear it, it’s just a little bit Extra so i get self-conscious. i’ve worn it a few times though. including to work. because fuck it, right? i didn’t become a graphic designer to be shy about sometimes looking like a prototypical emo/scene kid-turned-adult??? (ftr i was never an actual emo/scene kid. i lacked the requisite guts, commitment of feeling, and permissive parents.)

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? sunset-coloured clouds :)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? how about a shapeshifting feathered dragon that could range from, like, two thirds of a foot long (20cm) to sit on your shoulder, to ... the size of a massive draft horse? (but longer and thinner)

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? photos, though if i didn’t live with a partner, it might be art

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i’ve already got a meme tattooed on my body ... a private meme i have with my boyfriend, one on each leg (left: outer side, just above knee; right: outside, a few inches above the ankle)

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with ?????? is this a sidekick to a known superhero, or a superhero to act as your sidekick? also i don’t know? who are the standard heroes? i’m not up to date on this.

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? rivers or oceans

Favorite mid-2000s song i can’t decide a favourite, it’s too stressful, but one that i like is Rob Thomas’s Little Wonders

How do you dress when you’re home alone? either a t-shirt and PJ pants, or a dress (usually short-sleeved/sleeveless minidress)

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? on either side of the couch haha

Knives or swords? BOTH but ok swords.

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving hmmmmm like all of Linkin Park’s first three albums with some exceptions? hahahah

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie i don’t think i.....know any????

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? explanation, though on instagram quite often the photo and caption are unrelated

Name a classic Vine there’s only one thing worse than a rapist...

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? dumplings! as in the gyoza type.

How do you top your ice cream? that ‘magic’ chocolate sauce that hardens into chocolate. that stuff. i watched those ads all childhood long but my parents were immigrants and therefore very thrifty so we NEVER bought it iirc and then in my adulthood i got it a bunch of times. but now i live in the uk and can’t find it. and forgot it existed. and have never seen it anywhere.

Do you like Jello? the kind that’s served on a plate as a dessert? meh. the kind that are found in asian grocery stores as individual fruit-flavoured serves in little plastic cups? YES

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? future stock prices? LOL ... or i’m gonna go with @queenofslime‘s answer again -- how others see me. it’s a great answer.

How are you at climbing trees? not............ good. i mean, i like climbing, but i have absolutely terrible upper body strength. i did bouldering for a couple months but only stuck to the first like... three out of nine difficulty levels.

#thanks!! hehe #quarantine asks #queenofslime #asks

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jawnjendes · 5 years ago

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shawn meets... | bella

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)

AN: hiiii this is somewhat of a continuation of my last series, goth gf. you dont HAVE to read it to know what's happening here, but there will be references to it every so often. if you've been here since the goth gf days then, hi. i appreciate you. enjoy this shit. let me know ur thots.

****let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

bella's origin story | bella's playlist | masterlist

It felt awfully strange to be in Annalise's hometown, knowing she wouldn't be going home right away. The residential part of North Hollywood where her parents lived still felt like it was a million miles away. The glamorous Lyft Lux was going through the equally glamorous parts of the city, and it was almost mundane despite the fact that she had been away for over a year.

Shawn and his younger sister, Aaliyah, were frequently pointing out the exciting things they had only seen in photos and movies: the Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, the Hollywood sign. They were bundles of energy and excitement. Annalise was only jittery because she never fully processed that she lives in the same city as her favorite YouTuber, Bella Santiago.

Over a month ago, Bella discovered the Shawn Mendes profile on Spotify, causing her to give him a shoutout on Twitter. Then, just after the release of his newest EP, In My Blood, Bella messaged Shawn, offering to fly him out to LA, put him in a hotel and make a video with her. Shawn immediately jumped at the chance, but he couldn't go without bringing two of the biggest Bella stans he knew, Annalise and Aaliyah. The only reason why it took until the New Year for this to happen was simple: exams and Christmas.

When the semester ended, Annalise spent the holidays and her 22nd birthday with Shawn's family in Pickering, much to her own family's disdain. It was different, celebrating Christmas on the morning of the 25th, rather than the 24th. It was also different not eating tamales or pozole like she did with her family. It totally wasn't annoying when Shawn blasted that god awful Taylor Swift song on the morning of Annalise's birthday. She totally didn't miss her family either.

She had to promise her parents that she would stay in LA for the duration of the holiday break in return for missing all the important holidays. It wasn't a hard decision to make, but it was going to be hard letting Shawn go. Annalise only hoped that there would be time for him to meet her extended family during this trip. From what she understood, as soon as Bella was done with him, Shawn and Aaliyah were getting on a plane straight back to Toronto.

As it turns out, Bella Santiago is insanely generous. She reserved the three of them a deluxe suite at the Marriott. They had a view of the city, a massive king size bed, and a pull out sofa bed. Everything was spotless, and luxurious.

"She didn't have to go this hard," Aaliyah pointed out as she tossed her suitcase to the side.

"What, would you rather sleep on the floor?" Shawn teased. "And pick that up and move it so it's out of the way!"

She rolled her eyes as she did what he said.

Annalise made herself comfortable on top of the white sheets. While all of this was exciting, she was fucking exhausted. It felt like it was much later in the day, having gotten up at seven. The time change made it feel like it was well in the afternoon, but it was barely eleven.

"How's your tummy?" Shawn asked from the window. He had his phone out and was taking photos of the view.

"Much better," she replied.

Against her better judgment, Annalise had a coffee during the five hour flight, and it did not agree with her. She made good friends with a barf bag… or three. All the caffeine must have left her system if she was feeling better now.

"What time do we meet Bella?" asked Aaliyah, padding over to stand by her brother.

"Three o'clock," Shawn replied. "In the ballroom downstairs."

That prompted all three of them to take a death nap for the time being. It only lasted about three hours, and when their alarms went off, none of them felt any more rested.

Annalise was the first one to actually get up and get ready. For once, she was intimidated by who she was going to be standing in front of today. She had to look her best, even if it was in all black.

It didn't take long for Aaliyah to follow suit. Soon enough, both girls were sitting in front of the window, using the California sun for their light as they did their makeup.

The funny thing is, as much as they cared about looking their best, neither of them were going to be in Bella's video. She only wanted Shawn, who was still lying in bed half an hour before the scheduled meet up.

"What are you gonna wear?" Annalise asked her boyfriend.

"I don't know," he replied, his voice muffled by the pillow. "Will she even care about what I'm wearing?"

"You're gonna be on her channel," Aaliyah said, looking up from her handheld mirror, "which has millions of viewers, including some of my friends who will never let me hear the end of it if they see my brother looking like a clown in front of the queen!"

Shawn grinned and got up. "I'll go like this, what do you think?" He held his arms out, showcasing his plaid pajama bottoms and a Nike hoodie. He also only had one sock on.

"You'll be dead before you step out of the room like that," Ann darkly added.

“Thanks Satan.” He chuckled.

Shawn was only pretending to be calm. Inside, he was shaking and his insides were heavy. He didn't even think about Bella's subscriber count until Aaliyah pointed it out. He really wanted Bella to like him too. She seemed like such a sweetheart from her videos, Shawn hoped that wasn't just a persona.

He had spent most of the flight watching her videos (when Ann wasn’t puking up her caffeine, of course.) He made it through a few tutorials, learning a lot about not only makeup, but Bella herself. She suffers from several anxiety disorders and constantly works to better herself. She left her parents when she came out to them as bisexual, and she hasn't spoke to them or her extended family in years. She recently got out of a relationship with another YouTuber named Ethan Nestor, which was part of the reason why she spent half of 2019 in her hometown of Palm Springs. This woman has some thick skin, there was no denying that.

One of the best things that Shawn learned about Bella was that she had a butterfly tattoo on her left arm. In another video, she talked about how her viewers drew butterflies on their arms in support of her when she was down. She got it tattooed for them, and the colors of the wings were the same as the bisexual pride flag. Shawn looked at his own butterfly tattoo differently now.

The other best thing he learned was how talented of a singer Bella was. She had covers on her channel, and Shawn watched every single one. Bella had such a rich, beautiful voice, and it looked so easy for her to hit any high note. She sang Love on the Brain without any strain on her face. She sang a gayer version of You Belong with Me, and played guitar with it. She sang with Markiplier as the opening act when they were on a comedy show tour in 2018.

Shawn couldn't wait to sing with her, though he was intimidated. He thought he was a good singer, but put him next to someone with Ariana Grande levels of talent? The nerves were never ending.

It was ten til three when everyone was ready. Their only predicament was to go down to the ballroom early or not.

“Did she text you?” Aaliyah asked, clearly antsy. “Is she on her way or anything?”

Shawn shook his head. He had changed into a white tee, black jeans and a denim jacket, which the two girls approved of. “Should I message her? Or… her manager? She’s the one who made all these arrangements.”

“Hey, she might not even be here on time,” Ann said. “YouTubers are like celebrities. They run on their own schedules just because they can.”

“Bella wouldn’t do that, would she?” Aaliyah said in disbelief.

“Only one way to find out.”

And to the ballroom they went. The space was huge, clearly meant for a party. There were sheer white curtains hanging from the huge windows, and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. In the far corner of the room, tables and chairs were folded and leaning against the wall. Shawn, Aaliyah, and Ann looked around the room, all silently nervous and excited. Only a few minutes into it, they heard female voices just outside the room.

“But we’re always early! I knew I should have driven myself!”

“It’s two fifty-nine! Relax, they’re probably not even here yet!”

“Huh, I’ll be damned,” Ann mumbled, looking at her phone to verify the time.

The owners of the other two voices entered the room, carrying expensive-looking camera equipment and studio lights. They were followed by a bellhop, who was carrying a keyboard in a case. One woman was short and curvy, brown and freckled. Her short black hair was curly and glossed down, and she was wearing a bright red pantsuit.

The other woman was long and lean, decked out in a white long sleeve crop top, a black skirt, and knee high boots. Her iconic bright pink hair made a comeback, that wasn’t in her latest video. Her kind face looked airbrushed and flawless, although her brown eyes looked alarmed, like she was caught in headlights.

The first person to break the silence was the woman in red, already establishing her power. “Hello!” She held her hand out to Shawn. “I’m Sonji, I’m Bella’s manager. I believe we spoke on the phone. And on Twitter.”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” he said as they shook hands. “Uh, this Aaliyah and Ann, my sister and my girlfriend.”

“Hi, ladies!” Sonji greeted, shaking their hands as well. “So lovely to meet you! God, you’re all so pretty!”

Both girls mumbled shy thank you’s.

“Okay, so my handsome friend here and myself are going to set things up for the video,” Sonji explained. “In the meantime-” She looked at her silent client. “-Baller, come talk to your little protégé.”

Then, Sonji led the bellhop further into the room, over by the windows.

Bella still had a bag slung over her shoulder and a massive studio light stand in her hands. She was clutching it to her chest, a very performative and awkward smile etched on her bright pink lips.

“Hi!” she said after one very long second. “Uh - lemme -” She set down the giant lights and removed the bag from her shoulder. Then she stood up straight and smoothed out her hair. “Hi! Uh, I said that already!”

“I’ll say it again! Hi!” Shawn greeted, smiling politely.

Bella looked at him and opened her arms for a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

It might be weird to put it this way, but she smelled pretty. Whatever perfume she was wearing was probably more expensive than the flight over here. Shawn hugged her around her shoulders, inadvertently touching her surprisingly soft hair. You could just tell that she didn’t spare a single penny when it came to caring for herself.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be so tall!” she said, looking up at Shawn. “For once, I’m not the tallest person in the room!”

She couldn’t have been taller than Ann, who was five foot five inches and felt very short most of the time.

“And this is the sister and the girlfriend?” Bella said, turning to the other two girls. She went to hug Aaliyah, who was more than delighted by the gesture.

Bella leaned back and took her hand. “I love your nails! Love the shape and color!” She ran her thumb over the white acrylics. “So cute!”

“Aw, thank you!” Aaliyah was beaming.

Then, Bella turned to hug Ann. It’s important to point out that in most situations, Annalise Flores is stone faced, calm, and collected. Today, however, Ann had wide eyes, like she was face the good Lord herself… like she was going to drop down on one knee and propose to Bella.

Shawn wouldn’t blame her.

“Me encanta su delineador!” Bella told her, gently cupping her face.

“En serio?” Ann softly asked.

“Yes, que linda! Those inner wings are to die for! What do you use?”

“Um.. uh, I think it’s NYX? I don’t know the exact one, but it’s definitely NYX!” Ann chuckled nervously.

“Well, it looks amazing!”

Ann looked like she was going to faint with that euphoric dazed look on her face. Thankfully, she stayed on both feet because Sonji grabbed their attention. She managed to sneak by Bella, take the lights and bag, and set them all up by the window. She also set up the keyboard, camera and two chairs. There were three other chairs behind the camera as well. Sonji was incredibly fast.

“We are all ready to go!” she said to the others.

“Shall we?” Bella gestured for the other three to go first.

Shawn, Ann, and Aaliyah went over to the set up, excitement only increasing from here.

"Were you two going to be in the video too?" Sonji asked the two girls.

They both shook their heads.

"Nervous? Don't blame you, the Internet is brutal."

That didn't help Shawn's bundle of nerves. He took a silent deep breath as he went for his guitar case while Bella sat in front of her keyboard. The Internet is brutal, and Shawn's own minuscule corner of it was safe solely because of the size. The fans he tweeted every so often were seemingly normal, and no one was overly critical about him or his music. More exposure means more space for criticism and plain old hate.

Bella had over five million subscribers, and at least forty thousand of them took an interest in Shawn over the last month and a half. It was a lot of new people to make a good impression to. He took another deep breath and removed the guitar from its case. There's no going back now.

"So, I don't want this to be a structured, planned out video," Bella explained when Shawn took the empty chair next to her. "I just want us to talk so my viewers can get to know you, and we'll sing whatever comes to mind."

"Sounds good," Shawn said, not really hearing himself.

"Now everybody - and I mean everybody - take in a deep breath."

The room was silent except for the sounds of everyone inhaling through their noses. Aaliyah and Ann still looked excited as they followed Bella's instruction. Sonji followed as well, like she had done this a thousand times.

"And exhale," Bella breathed out, and the others repeated. "Good. Get those nerves out, breathe away the anxiety. This is fun, we're having fun."

Shawn felt a little better, knowing she was just as nervous, if not more. Throughout all of Bella's mental health videos that he watched on the plane, none of them seemed to touch on how severe her own case was.

Finally, Bella addressed the camera, her soft voice suddenly projected. "Hey, it's Bella! Welcome back to my channel! Today, I'm here with a very special guest! Some of you saw me tweet a while ago…"

Oh god, what the fuck was Shawn going to say? He looked over at Ann, who smiled reassuringly and silently did the motions for deep breathing. Stay calm. You're a strong guy.

"So how long have you been making music?" Bella asked him as she mindlessly pressed keys on her keyboard.

Shawn recalled as best he could. "Uh, I sang covers when I was fifteen. Didn't make my own music until a few years later."

"Nice! Are you in school, or work or something?"

"Yeah, I'm in college. I'm majoring in music and botany."

"Oh, you like plants?"

Shawn was mildly impressed. Most people had to ask what botany is, and he would have to explain for the thousandth time. Then, he would be told to drop the music major because it's easier to find a job in plant science.

"Flowers," he clarified. "I work in a flower shop."

"That's so cool!"

The conversation got easier as time went on. Sometimes Aaliyah or Ann would chime in if they felt that Shawn was getting too confident. Bella giggled every so often, which made everyone in the room adore her even more.

Shawn was about ready to propose when Bella started playing Mercy on her keyboard and humming the beginning. He stared at her in shock for a few seconds before he played along on guitar. Hopefully that didn't look too embarrassing on camera. He listened to her voice for a moment before singing with her in the chorus.

He had plenty of questions for Bella after they went through that song. "Where did you get a voice like that?"

"I could carry a tune as a kid," she explained, "so I was put into singing classes to hone it. Then I did church choir, school choir… I just never really stopped singing." She paused and then chuckled nervously. "This is gonna sound pretentious, but I think I got this voice for a reason. Meaning, I have this platform and all these followers. I think I'm meant to use my voice for good. Help people in whatever way I can."

Shawn smiled. "That's beautiful. I see that in your videos. I kinda went on a binge on the plane."

Bella grinned.

"One thing that stood out to me…" Shawn hesitated, minding the camera and the future viewers of this video. "You are so unapologetically bisexual. You always make the point to the person you needed as a kid, because there is still so little bi representation in the media. And you decided, if no one's going to do it, then you'll do it yourself, and I think that's incredible."

"Yeah, I didn't have anyone telling me it's okay to feel what I feel, and I don't want anyone to go through what I went through as a teen."

Shawn nodded, glancing over at Ann once. He had talked about touching on this particular topic with her, and he was starting to have his own shred of doubt.

But, he learned from his girlfriend. Fuck it.

"I wish I had someone like you as a teenager," he said to Bella, strumming his guitar. "I mean, when I came out to my family, I was lucky. They were loving and accepting, but I still couldn't find anyone out there who was like me, in real life or in the media. I really wish I had found your videos sooner."

Bella was beaming. "I knew I liked you."

The two of them went back and forth between talking and singing. They compared butterfly tattoos, and then Bella was asking him about his other tats. Shawn learned a couple of Little Mix songs too, which led him to discover where his girlfriend got that fixation from. He was mostly amazed at how Bella was able to belt out song after song like it was nothing. Like she was meant for this. Why did she choose to be a makeup artist?

"Have you ever been offered a record deal?" Shawn asked. "Or thought about making your own music?"

"Mm, yes and yes," she said. "But singing is more of a hobby. I can't see myself delving into the music industry at all. Makeup is where it's at for me. Makeup got me through some of the hardest times in my life."

Shawn wouldn't say no to a record deal. He'd move to Los Angeles tomorrow if he could. He would do just about anything to play music full time. He glanced over at Ann again, who winked with a smile.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn meets fic #ok ok ok so theres 5 oc's total #bella is just the first n i lov her lil nervous ass sm #i wanted to bring her back for somethin like this bc i missed her n her story #and sonji is actually god herself yes its true #this wont be the last you see of either of them #if anyone wants to know more abt bella pls shoot me an ask!#next chapter is gonna be a doozy

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acekatherineplumber · 5 years ago

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Questions!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? Stella from Winx Club

Grilled cheese or PB&J?

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I have a playlist of liked YouTube videos that I sometimes put on, but Parks and Recreation is a frequent source of background noise, especially when I’m cleaning

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? A Cosmopolitan

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? My black and pink Nikes

Top three cuisines? Indian, Chinese, Japanese-French fusion

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? Girl. No wonder I’m gay.

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? I don’t think anyone would be surprised at my jobs. I’ve been a nanny, a tutor, and a barista. People who don’t know me well might be surprised that I was a teaching assistant in France

Look up. What’s directly across from you? My lotion

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? I think I have a book signed by Gordon Korman lying around

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? Inside watching TV and reading with my cats

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I don’t really eat bagels. There are better bread products

Brunch or midnight snacks? Both!

Favorite mug you own My giant Elsa mug

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? Espresso quad shot. I’m intense, and a lot to handle, but if you can handle me, you can count on me.

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) “And I’ll keep wondering and wondering and wondering and wondering, when will my life begin?” (Tangled)

Fruity or herbal teas? Both

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? I’m not really embarrassed about anything I watch

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? The City of Ladies by Christine de Pizan!

Do you match your socks? Sometimes

Have you ever been horseback riding? Yes

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) I was really into spies, funnily enough

Have you ever been to jail? No

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? UGGGGGHHHHHH if one thing falls behind it, it gets stuck! I hate them.

Puzzles? Fun!

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? Passionfruit

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? Foreign language

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? German!

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? Legally Blonde OBC

Where could someone find you in a museum? Near something shiny

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? I have my prom dress from senior year of high school, a white ballgown. I wish I could wear it more

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? All three!

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? An otter!

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? Art, some of it my own!

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? Salad cat, my thigh

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with Bucy Barnes might be fun!

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? Rivers

Favorite mid-2000s song Sk8r Boy by Avril Lavigne

How do you dress when you’re home alone? Bathrobe

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? In the recliner

Knives or swords? Swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving Starlight by Talor Swift

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie The Color of Friendship! Princess Protection Program is also good.

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? Second one

Name a classic Vine Jared, 19

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? Frozen fruit. I make a lot of smoothies

How do you top your ice cream? Non-dairy whipped cream

Do you like Jello? No

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? Big Ben

How are you at climbing trees? Decent

#story of my life

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ateanalenn · 5 years ago

Text

The Untamed / MDZS, resources post, stuff I needed as a writer

ORIGINAL POST AT DREAMWIDTH! (and updates will be there too and maybe on tumblr, if I remember)

(this is a copy paste, the formatting might not survive)

(also available on AO3)

The Untamed / MDZS, resources post, stuff I needed as a writerApr. 11th, 2020 05:46 pm ateanalennFinding info for this show / how to write about / pitfalls to avoid was a pain :( I guess that's part of having fandom on Tumblr. Since Tumblr's search function only works by selling a kidney and sacrificing a goat, I had to rely on Google. Which, not great. Anyway, useful stuff I found to understand this fandom: • MDZS on Dreamwidth: theuntamed_mdzs (active) mxtx (community focused on all the works by the author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. Not active, but it's there) theyilingweisect (community sharing fics, meta, discussions. Not active either since jan 2020) • MDZS aka Mo Dao Zu Shi (book) aka Grandmaster of Demobnic Cultivation / The Untamed (drama) (there's also an audio drama, a manhua, a donghua, ...) - the novel's en glish fan translation at Exiled Rebels (complete ) As far as I know, this is the most popular translation, though I would like to know if anyone has another translation that they think fit best. - the drama is streaming on Netflix, Viki, WeTV & Youtube. From what I heard around, Netflix and Youtube are the most accessible, obviously, but Viki has the best subtitles (and a whole lot of annoying pubs though). I think that I heard somewhere that there are fan subtitles made, will update if I find the link again). • About names: • The Untamed: A Primer Basically an overview of what is this drama, a few spoilers (but under arrows to open so less risks to see something you didn't want to see). Useful list of titles for the main charas! (ex: Wei Wuxian: Young Master Wei Wei Ying (use of this name denotes “I feel affection for you”) The Yiling Patriarch (use of this name denotes “I think you are evil”) A-Xian / Xianxian (use of this name denotes “I am your loving older sister, have some soup”) Lan Wangji: Second Young Master Lan Lan Zhan (use of this name denotes “I feel affection for you”) Hanguang Jun (use of this name denotes “I respect you, and you are also famously very beautiful”) Wangji (use of this name denotes “I am your older brother and I wish you’d make a friend”) ) • Another primer tumblr by sonickitty with a few where-do-I-find links • Alexandra Rowland explains What Is The Untamed twitter (with pics) • How Ancient Chinese Names Work - Learn from The Untamed Detailed explanation of what's going on with the names (aka Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan, Hanguang-jun) • Dramatis Personae for Modao Zushi the book dw (another detailed who's who/names list) • Names again, Chinese/Mandarin conventions twitter (aka ex the accents aren't necessary, they're there for pronunciation and some explanation of who would use full name/shortened name) • Infographic: birth name vs courtesy name vs title vs respectful address twitter • Quick table / honorifics guide tumblr by cleyra • Mo Dao Zu Shi | 魔道祖师 The various adaptions tumblr by gravitydefyingtears • A list of MDZS FanFic Common Misleading tumblr by kazeki • A conversation about linguistic register, Lan Wangji, and I guess Wei Wuxian can come too tumblr (pretty important text to understand how lwj speaks) • Writing Lan Wangji's speech patterns (aka say the most in the least words) and the follow up Lan Wangji moving into the lowest, most vernacular linguistic register to try and get through to Wei Wuxian tumblr by hunxi-huilai • Using "You/I" vs "Title-as-you" tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Sword names tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Honorifics: jun vs zun tumblr by hunxi-guilai • THE spreadsheet: Mo Dao Zu Shi Character Name Chart, recced by flamebyrd (of who uses what for whom) • Misc Info: • 59 slides of awesomeness by chatcolat. Who's who, plot summary, humor. Beware, so full of spoilers you'll cry if you want to keep some mystery, but! concise recap of what happens in the show to keep the timeline in mind. • Everything about those cultivation sects in ‘The Untamed’ Quick who's who of the various sects (Gusu Lan, Lanling Jin, Yunmeng Jiang, Qishan Wen, Qinghe Nie. Protip: first word is basically the location, second is the sect/clan name). • Reference for Modao Zushi Writers: Chinese terms ao3. "This is to provide a reference for writers who are unfamiliar with Chinese literary conventions or terms used in canon." • Resource list dw: Libitina's twitter links for Meta, Linguistics, Costumes, Food, Edits, Art. • Actual drama title vs English drama title twitter • How "Mo Dao Zu Shi" became "Chen Qing Ling" became "The Untamed" tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Very necessary meta about why the novel/extras seems to have so many sex consent issues and how translating to English potentially gives a very different overall feel to the scene (ex: ExR = "you're too much, you're way too much" becomes chiaki_himura's "you're good, you're too good", becomes bigbadredpanda's "you're amazing, you're the best"). Also, Chinese language enables to shorten sentences which makes stuff implied, 's your job to see context clues.) • hunxi guilai's master list of various detailed topics re-Chinese language/customs tumblr • "Wangxian" is such a clever portemanteau tumblr by untamedconnotations • Song Lan didn’t just say that Xiao Xingchen was “nice-looking,” he basically said that Xiao Xingchen was smokin’ hot except like, in two characters and blanketed with literary respectability. tumblr by hunxi-guilai (this is only relevant because xxc IS the most beautiful person, really and needs to be protected at all cost) • The Unclean Realm isn't "unclean" has in dirty/bad, it's most probably to show the difference of way of cultivating vs the other sects tumblr by hunxi-guilai • WuJi, the love song's fan translation tumblr by iarrod • Timeline: • 59 slides of awesomeness by chatcolat. Who's who, plot summary, humor. Beware, so full of spoilers you'll cry if you want to keep some mystery, but! concise recap of what happens in the show to keep the timeline in mind. • A google spreadsheet, via mihanada's GoDC timeline wip (Year/Event/Notes/Ages/...) • MDZS Timeline, that meta AO3 post on speed by TheWickling. Useful if you want all the details, a bit difficult to navigate/understand when you just landed in the fandom. Still very useful. • And the sequel: On Character's Ages ao3 "A collection of meta on the possible ages for different characters in MDZS and what ages they would be during key events in the timeline." • Modao Zushi, birthdates/timeline dw Dirthdates starting with 0 = wwx's birth year. Succinct & useful. • Maps • Fan made mdzs / untamed worldmap twitter • Places of The Untamed - Where They Are in The Real World • IRL sect locations reddit • Google Map of clan locations in Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation tumblr • Lotus Pier really is one of the most underrated but beautiful places. twitter • Gifsets and images: - Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Untamed drama character guide! deviantart picture = name, who's who in pics. - The Untamed sect sigils - In Which LWJ Gives Not A Single Shit, A Thread #LanWangji #WangXian #cql #TheUntamed SPOILERS for most of the show twitter - The various stages of hairstyles + accessories twitter - SongXiao are in love, got married, are living happily ever after,(FITE ME) twitter by shenweiss - Realizing that wwx is wearing lwj's silk undershirt and the follow up: Qiren's face when he notices xD twitter - gingersnapwolves's Untamed tumblr tag - thewickling's mdzs tumblr tag - hunxi-guilai's cql tumblr tag - compilation of wangxian just being gay and making everyone feel like a third wheel twitter by weiwxngji - wwx swoons a lot and he's gorgeous twitter - Alexandra Rowland explains What Is The Untamed twitter (with pics) - grinding ink requires great patience, often represents that one is willing to wait for another’s feelings twitter - sad compilation of wangxian gazing into each other’s eyes that no one asked for, you’re welcome twitter - This frontal view of Wei Wuxian laying on Lan Wangji’s lap is everything. twitter - Lotus Pier really is one of the most underrated but beautiful places. twitter - Sometimes you see something, a picture, a video, just a snippet of a short moment, and you SEE the love. twitter - CQL’s working title was hot murder husbands twitter (this is amazing) - Lan Wangji just looks a thousand times more intimidating with golden eyes twitter - #TheUntamed’s spinoff webmovie #FatalJourney posters twitter (yessss, nhs, one of my fav) - Don’t you love how exactly 0.5 seconds of this video is Lan Zhan explaining that only spouses are allowed to touch the headband and the rest of the entire 2(!) minutes is a complication of Wei Ying touching it anyways... he said I wanna marry you. twitter • Fic Recs: - DW guest Post: Untamed Fic Starter Pack (a few fics for each subject (ex post canon, juniors centric, ...) - Twitter thread starting with Alexandra Rowland asking for fluffy MDZS/Untamed fic recs. (good new-fandom starter too!) - That twitter thread collecting a list of lady-centric Untamed/MDZS fics Which, good, because as much as I love the fandom, once again women don't exactly come out on top. How many are still alive at the end? I can think of one previously Jin sect lady, but that's it on top of my head, soooo. - Libitina also has posted a lot of mdzs fic recs dw - A "they're students in lockdown and socially distancing" WangXian ficlet tumblr by besanii And bonus: a capybara enjoying a good scritch because I love those dog-sized guinea pigs, seriously, that twitter account is my daily dose of cuteness Also, have some guinea pig on a cutesy bridge PS: I thought that this would be fast because I didn't have that much info to collect at one place, buuuut. It's been 5 hours and it turns out that I did lol. Still, if you have anything else of potential interest, don't hesitate to leave a comment, please :D

#the untamed #resource #dreamwidth blog post #writer info #references

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