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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 5 years ago

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Sugar and Fluff (Volume 4)

Sit right up on your chairs, for this is a special one. Since I mentioned last week that we’re going back to the start of the timeline, here’s one for y’all.

Finally, I get to use one of my favorite Johnny GIFs of all time since it’s related to the story.

I mean, I literally gasped when I watched this for the first time. How dare he do this to us! My poor heart was about to pass out then.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: This installment is a follow-up to How They Met, and how Johnny was to Essie before they became friends. I wrote these stories based on the teaser videos the group had for ‘Elevator (127F)’ and ‘Pandora’s Box’ hence using that dreamy GIF.

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 1,700 + words

Warning: Italics are for thoughts.

–––

Essie will never forget the time that Johnny pretended to be the pizza delivery boy so he could flirt with her.

It was weeks after they first met when they talked outside her apartment. She was carrying Chinese food takeout as they conversed, delaying her lunch with her best friend Nini.

For this instance, he did the same but in a way that she expected from him. She heard that he was quite a player, and she should try not to fall in love with him. But unfortunately, she did.

It was a cold day – as always in Korea – and despite Nini’s craving for noodles, Essie didn’t cave in to her request. She wanted a giant pizza that had warm and gooey cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers, so she called Pizza Express to have her custom order.

“I have no complaints with what we’re having for lunch since you’re paying for it, right?” Nini said, flashing a Cheshire cat grin to her best friend.

“Ugh, isn’t that obvious?” Essie rolled her eyes, “I know I’ll be paying for it. So please, be a patient old lady and wait for our food, okay?”

The other girl gave her a thumbs-up before she resumed the video she was watching on YouTube.

///

A few minutes later, their doorbell rang. Essie rushed to the door and checked the peephole if it was indeed the delivery guy. She gulped when she saw someone she didn’t expect to appear at her front door again.

It’s Johnny motherclucking Suh. What the crap is he doing here?

She saw him dancing while holding the Pizza Express box with one hand. He wore a checkered shirt with a funky-patterned cardigan on top and a pair of khaki chinos. The booger also wore eyeglasses and had his light-colored hair curly! He emulated nerd chic, which he is a far cry from in real life.

“Essie, is that the pizza? Why aren’t you opening the door?” Nini asked, who looked at her friend curiously.

The curly-haired girl peered into the peephole again and saw that Johnny was still dancing with the pizza box on one hand. He was doing robotic moves with his other hand and made silly faces as well.

“Yeah, it is the pizza guy…” Essie started, tempted to look into the peephole for the third time, “but at the same time, it isn’t.”

“Huh, what do you mean by that?”

“It looks like Johnny Suh has our pizza, and he’s dancing like an idiot outside our apartment.”

Nini burst into laughter with her statement. “Wow, he must be so into you then. He had to sabotage the real pizza delivery guy so he could flirt his way into your heart,” she said.

“Niniiiii!” her best friend whined, who also stomped the floor at how flustered she was. “Just open the freaking door, and I’m hungry,” the older girl grumbled before going back to her phone.

After three deep breaths, Essie finally opened the door to let Johnny Suh deliver their order. “One custom giant pizza with three different cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers,” he said in his best professional voice before handing the box to her.

“Yeah, that is correct,” she mumbled, absentmindedly grabbing the pizza with one hand while the other searched into her pockets. “How much was it again?”

“Oh, no need to pay for that, princess, I already took care of it.” Johnny winked at her and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Oh God, Johnny…” Essie wasn’t able to contain her annoyance with his antics and rolled her eyes. “What brings you here then, aside from sabotaging the real pizza delivery guy?”

“I want to see how you’re doing,” he replied suavely, running a hand through his curly mane. “I was just in the area, wanting to hang out with my hyungs, but it turns out they weren’t in their apartment. Then I saw the pizza guy and knew that he was coming here, so I wanted to surprise you.”

“Okay then, thank you,” she said monotonously before heading inside again. “You may leave now if you want.”

“I’ll take no for an answer there, ma’am,” he said, now catching up with her in the apartment. “We might as well hang out.”

“Then I return the same answer to you, sir. No, I don’t want to hang out with you. Today’s my day off, and I want to catch up on sleep,” Essie placed the pizza on the kitchen counter then went to the fridge to retrieve some hot sauce.

“Then I’ll watch you sleep,” Johnny was persistent to make the girl hang out with him. “Or yet, sleep beside you.”

“Johnnyyyyy!” She couldn’t take it anymore and threw a glare at him. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“Because I want what I want to have right now, and that is to hang out with you!”

“Don’t you have any other friends than our neighbors? You can bother them instead!”

“But I don’t want to! I’m already here too, and I know you, so why the heck not?”

“Hold up, hold up! What is happening here?” Nini asked as she entered the kitchen. “It’s past noon, and your voices are too loud! What are you two arguing about?”

Essie rolled her eyes (for the nth time that day) and folded her arms over her chest. “He’s a stubborn piece of ass,” she grumbled. “And she’s an annoying baby princess,” he rebutted.

The older girl looked at them silently before bursting into laughter again. “Oh, you amuse me, Essie. Just give in to his request for now. He made the effort to deliver our pizza. And I bet you didn’t have to pay for it because he already did.”

“Fine, you all win!” The curly-haired girl glared at her best friend and the flirty guy. “But you better behave yourself, mister, because I am not having it.” She took out all the packets of hot sauce from the fridge and grabbed the pizza box again so she could take it to the living room.

“I promise I’ll be a good boy,” he purred in her ear when she has settled the food on the coffee table.

“Ugh, John! Please, stop doing this to me,” Essie groaned, gently pushing him away from her. “I’m thankful for treating us to pizza, but you don’t have to be so damn freaking flirty! We can be friends but not if you’re acting this way.”

Her words hit something in Johnny, who now flashed her a genuine smile. “You do? We can be friends?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, sure. But just don’t do this again. I feel uncomfortable when someone’s too flirty.”

“But that’s part of my personality, babe. You’ll get used to it. But I’m glad we can be friends,” he said as he sat down beside her on the couch, opening the pizza box he held for approximately five minutes outside.

As the two started eating, Nini was watching them from the kitchen doorway. She never saw someone who acted like Johnny toward her best friend. He was quite direct with his actions, which most guys she saw Essie interact with don’t have the guts to do.

She smiled as Johnny dabbed the sides of Essie’s lips with a napkin. She saw how her best friend was embarrassed at the situation – her ears were glowing red. Nini held back her laughter this time and returned to the living room to get her share of pizza.

\\\

“I remember you were such a flirt when we first met, John,” Essie said one time when they were having breakfast.

Her boyfriend, who was in a white shirt that clung to his body nicely, almost spit out his food from the memory.

“Why do you have to remind me that, baby? I know we didn’t start on a good footing,” he said before eating a spoonful of rice and omelet.

“I know, but that was funny,” she giggled, gently pushing aside her utensils to grab the cup of coffee to her left. “Who knew I’d end up with you?”

He shrugged at her question and continued eating in silence. Essie observed him with a smile on her face as he ate. His hair, which was now light brown with some highlights, was tousled, and some strands almost covered his beautiful honey eyes. He had a ketchup stain near the collar of his shirt. The veins on his arms were more protruding.

“What are you looking at, babe?” He asked, slowly looking up at her.

“You,” she said softly before bringing the cup of coffee to her lips. “I am so lucky to have you, and sometimes I can’t still believe that we’re together, you know?”

“I could say the same too,” he responded with a grin on his face. “You know how the song goes: Everything I do, I do it for you,” he sang aloud the lyrics to the famous Bryan Adams song, making his girlfriend put down her cup of coffee and laugh.

“Damn, you’re cheesy!” She guffawed, slapping the table for effect. She thought of the moments that happened earlier – he was the one who woke her up by opening their sky blue curtains to let some sunlight shine through. “Good morning, baby, wake up,” he whispered before drawing them close when he saw her sit up from the bed.

Even if it took her ages to get up – it was the weekend away – Johnny returned to their shared bedroom and plopped beside her. He laid on the bed with his body face down, showing off his wide but sculpted back. He rested his face on one of their pillows and looked at her lovingly.

“Love, please,” she said breathlessly, captivated with his beauty. “Come on now, let’s have breakfast,” he cooed, pulling her wrist repeatedly from his comfortable position.

“What did you prepare for us?” Essie replied, now standing at the foot of the bed. “The usual, because that’s the best I can cook,” he chuckled before he stood up and carried her bridal-style to their dining room.

“Thank you,” she said once he helped her to her seat. She pecked him on the cheek, which he returned on the lips. “Anything for my darling Essie.”

–––

FIN

P.S. If you’ve noticed, I tend to end my stories with that line. It may or may not be intentional.

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edourado · 5 years ago

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Together, ch vi

Based on a true experience. I might post photo evidence later, if prompted.

Hope this pleases, eases anxiety, and makes you hungry - like it did to me.

Much love ♥

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Frank now made a lot of popcorn. A lot.

They did their best to establish a rhythm that would help them not lose their mind during quarantine: Frank had his runs on the crack of dawn, Karen would watch many YouTube videos on exercise, yoga, pilates, meditation, hiit, full body workouts, a whole variety.

The dogs also brought more activities for them. Lady had to be walked, Pooka had to be trained, they both had to be bathed, vaccinated, fed, taken care of.

Frank was still finding things to tweak around the apartment, Karen spent a lot of time cataloguing hers and Frank’s books, arranging them in alphabetical order, making a list of which she wanted to read and what order she wanted to read them.

Still. Twenty-four hours in an apartment, seven days a week, there was still plenty of time to spare.

So they watched movies and tv shows and documentaries and YouTube videos about this or that. And Frank always made them popcorn.

Sometimes they found movies that they really liked, sometimes they would strike up in conversation only a few minutes in, and eat their popcorn while the TV went on, ignored. Sometimes they would fall asleep, sometimes Frank would pin her down on the couch and she would wrap herself around him.

A lot of variables, one constant: popcorn.

He would always get a bag of lose kernel, saying that the microwave stuff had a “weird smell”, and would spend a few minutes standing in front of the stove, the dogs sitting eagerly at his feet, until there was a beautiful, amazing smelling bowl of popcorn in his hands, that he would take to the couch, where Karen waited for him, remote control at the ready.

“This kitchen has never seen so much action before, I swear”, she said one day, while he stood making his popcorn and she dumped cake batter on a pan, ready to take it to the oven.

Their breakfast came from the bakery at the corner, where they were now regulars. Every day, Frank would buy coffee and something to eat - bread, croissants, bagels, a new item the chef added to the menu. Karen would go and buy donuts, cake, pastries and supplies for her own kitchen experiments.

Lunch was sometimes ordered in, when they felt like eating sushi, fried chicken, chinese, thai food, something that they were not equipped to make themselves.

Dinner was, most of the time, the leftovers of lunch. And sometimes it would be popcorn.

Most of the time, though, they would cook. Karen had a notebook filled with recipes, that she said she got from her mother, who collected recipes from family, neighbors, celebrities, magazines.

“I don’t even know how I have this”, she told him one day. “I definitely don’t remember packing it before I left Vermont, but I did.”

Frank also had a few recipes under his belt, but they weren’t written down.

And they already had a few favorite of their own, and would go through them depending on their mood, on the weather, on the supplies they had. Some, however, they tried only once, like this thing that looked like something canned, but wasn’t. A gelatinous thing that didn't require any gelatine, savory sort of cake that could be eaten cold or warm, according to Mrs. Page’s notes. Karen tried it one day, and one bite was enough for them to decide they would not be trying it again.

“It’s not even the taste”, she said, washing the dishes afterwards. “The texture threw me off, what even was that?”

“Maybe you missed something?” Frank suggested, putting the clean dishes away - he never let them just sit on the sink. They had to be immediately properly stored in the cupboard.

“I triple checked. It was definitely right.”

The lasagna was a success. So was Maria’s pasta, and Frank’s own pancakes.

He rolled his eyes when she said both Matt and Foggy liked her triple chocolate cookies.

“Oh, if Matt likes them.”

.:.

They were both lying on the hammock one afternoon, a big bowl of popcorn sitting on Frank’s stomach, the dogs snoozing inside, by the window.

The popcorn had been intended to go with a movie, but Karen then noticed how nice it was outside, and the color of the sky was beautiful, so they decided to watch the sunset instead.

She was making brownies, a simple recipe she knew since she was a kid, and the batter had tasted amazing. However,

“Oh no!” she said, and moved quickly to get out of the hammock and back inside, startling Frank, who had his eyes closed and his arm around her.

“What?” he asked, sitting up.

“The brownies”, she said simply, hurrying back inside, and that’s when he smelled it. Burnt.

“Shit!” he heard her say, and tried to peer inside without getting up.

“What happened?” he asked, spotting her sitting in front of the the open stove, trying to maneuver the pan inside.

“I don’t know, it just… Overflowed.”

She sounded frustrated.

“Oh, crap”, she went on. “There was baking powder in the flower, I got the wrong one!”

“Is it all ruined?” he asked.

She tried to put another pan under the original one, to catch the batter that was spilling, and decided to leave it in the oven for the rest of the remaining time.

It didn’t smell good. The batter that had fallen into the oven itself burned to a crisp, filling the apartment with a nauseating smell. Frank opened all the windows and Karen sprayed lavender water around.

When she did take the thing out of the oven, the brownie looked a mess. And she wanted to toss the whole thing, but Frank noticed that the crust looked actually pretty good in the original pan. Trying a piece, he lifted his brows, surprised.

“It’s still good.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not, try it.”

And it was. It had spilled, and it was not pretty, but aside from that, it was a very good brownie.

In the end, she had scraped the spilled parts from the extra pan she had put in the oven, cut the thing in little pieces and transferred it to a different container, throwing the burnt parts into the trash. Frank called her back outside, to resume her place next to him in his hammock, and they finished the popcorn and nibbled on the honest to God very tasty brownie.

“I’ll make another one”, she promised. “With the correct flower, and it’ll look and taste amazing, you’ll see.”

He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes again, glad he didn't have to lie to appease her feelings - something he had been fully prepared to do.

.:.

A few weeks later, after they had stocked their pantry with fresh groceries, he smelled brownies again. Looking over, he saw her sitting in front of the oven, Lady sitting by her side, Poka squeezed between them, his tail lazily going from side to side, watching the oven.

A few minutes later, and she walked over to him, with a plate full of beautiful, wonderful smelling square pieces of brownie.

“Told ya”, she said, happily, after he tasted it and assured her that it was very, very good.

Frank smiled, got another piece, and ignored the dogs pleading eyes.

#kastle #kastle fluff #kastle ff #Frank Castle #Karen Page #the punisher #daredevil #quarantine drabbles

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need-a-fugue · 5 years ago

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Why Not? - Chapter Five

Summary: With a garage to run and a young daughter to, well… run after, Bucky Barnes doesn’t exactly have time for dating. And with his relationship track record – and the constant meddling of a certain overbearing best friend – he’s not so sure that’s a bad thing. But then he meets Annie – a rather insistent, pretty damn cute fellow car enthusiast – and it’s got him asking himself, despite all his hesitations, why not?

Author’s Note: Written for Little Darlin’s Mystery AU Challenge. Thanks to @sourpatchkidsandacokecan for triggering this… sprawling thing simply by supplying me with the prompt of Mechanic!AU for Bucky. It’s taken on a life of its own already… look at what you’ve done!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: Bit of angst, mostly fluff.

Chapter Five

They end up driving around the city until the sun begins to set, stopping only once along the way to partake of some ice cream – double fudge for Annie and butter pecan for Bucky – which they end up swapping halfway through. A quick scrub down with loads of napkins and hand sanitizer – I should’ve just brought baby wipes, you’re as bad as Lana – and more than a few raucous laughs and self-deprecating smiles – You’re the one who wore strawberry jam to dinner – and they find themselves back on the road, heading in the direction of his place.

It’s almost nine by the time they get there, Annie not paying any attention at all as she steps through the door, too focused on making sure the Chinese delivery order is correct before hitting accept on her phone. “You don’t have to do that,” he tells her, a genuine lilt to his voice. “I can just make us something.”

“Oh,” she mutters without looking up. “Like waffles?”

He stops short in the small entryway, spinning to face her with a serious stare. “Do not think you’re leaving here without at least a dozen to take home with you.”

She snorts out a giggle, but doesn’t bother looking up until he flips on the lights and ushers her all the way in, softly closing the door behind her. Then… her eyes widen in both shock and awe.

“I know,” he murmurs, sounding utterly dejected. “I told you, the place is a wreck.” He kicks aside a stuffed monkey, launching it into the air and sending it somewhere back behind the couch. “Lana was with me all week so I didn’t really get a chance to clean.” He leans down and gathers a handful of toys into his arms – another monkey, some sort of dog-like action figures, a doll with a missing head – and spins awkwardly in a circle before dumping them back behind a shelf in the corner.

She glances at her phone just long enough to send the delivery order through and sputters out a laugh, turning in a lazy circle herself to take in the sheer chaos of the place. Her mouth drops as a thick chuckle dies in her throat. “My God… you are a slob!”

He grinds to a halt, brow furrowing, face twisting in a wholly incredulous expression. “Hey, most of this stuff isn’t mine.”

She immediately points to the small kitchen table, half of it taken up with what looks to be a turbo sitting atop oil-pocked newspapers, and raises an accusatory brow.

“I’ll have you know, that’s for a friend’s bike. Like I said, almost all of this crap belongs to… someone else,” he finishes, lips puckering with confusion when his gaze lands on the head of the aforementioned doll, placed precariously atop a box of Froot Loops. He quickly swipes both items, chucking the head into the trash – and internally dreading the possibility of having to explain where it went later – and shoving the sugary cereal into the pantry.

“Oh, I see,” Annie intones teasingly, stepping carefully over a pile of storybooks collapsed in the center of the living room. “Yes. I suppose that Lana went out and bought all of these things herself, brought everything home and then… decorated the house with them. All on her own.” She cocks a sly brow at him along with closed-lip smirk.

“Yeah,” he replies coolly, running a hand through his hair and looking sheepishly around the room, taking everything in and seeming a bit… lost for what to do. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

She spurts out a laugh and makes her way to the sofa, collapsing back and reclining into the fuzzy purple throw pillow behind her. “Food should be here in about an hour,” she breathes out, snuggling in deep to make herself comfortable.

Bucky disappears into the small kitchen, heading for the fridge that she can just make out from over the top of the breakfast bar. Something shimmers in her periphery and she shifts to see what it is, sliding further down the couch and twisting to her right to settle her back against the armrest. Frowning curiously, she tugs at the bright yellow fabric, plucking a sparkly princess dress from between the cushions.

“You into Belle?” Bucky asks casually as he returns to the living room to find her gently fingering the tulle skirt. He’s got two beers in hand, leans over to offer her one before he rather indelicately flops down beside her. A sharp wince pulls from between his teeth and he twists around to pull a plastic toy screwdriver out from beneath his hip, small growl sounding as he tosses it aside.

“I love Belle.” She sets her beer onto the floor by the sofa, carefully lays the glittery dress out over her chest and beams up at him. “Do I look pretty?”

He nods simply – appreciatively – and bites back a chuckle as he takes a quick swig from his beer. “Yeah, doll,” he replies, twisting around to set the bottle on the side table. “You look real pretty.”

She hums out a small laugh and lets her eyes slowly blink shut. “Once I get some kung pow chicken in me, I’ll be revived enough to clean this place up for you.”

“The hell you will,” he mutters, reaching out and pulling her feet into his lap. “You’re a guest here.” He tugs at her boots, almost smacking himself in the face with one when it comes off too suddenly, and then actually dragging her further down the couch – bright, melodic giggles spilling out of her – as he struggles with the other. “Jesus,” he intones, flinging the other boot across the room once she’s finally free.

“I hope you know where that landed,” she muses, letting herself melt a little further into the overstuffed sofa as he begins gently massaging her feet. “I’m a little worried I might never find it in here.”

“I’ll buy you a new pair. It’ll probably be easier.”

Her eyes drift shut again, the long day finally catching up with her. She hadn’t been back home since yesterday afternoon, crashing on her sister’s couch after gabbing all night about her date – the first date she’d been on since moving to the city well over a year ago. And of course, her six-month-old nephew had her up by five, which really wasn’t that big of a deal anyway, considering she had to be at work by six thirty to get Tony prepped for an impromptu trip to Sri Lanka.

Annie worked long enough – and strange enough – hours at Stark Industries to necessitate an entire closet full of attire in her small first-floor office, so changing out of her sister’s proffered sweats was no big deal. But running all over town in the short skirt and ankle boots – admittedly chosen for their cute factor and not any sort of utilitarian measure – while helping Pepper out with wedding things had left her craving those sweats like nobody’s business.

She lets out an involuntary moan when Bucky hits just the right spot, his thumb pressing into her instep in a way both painful and magical. “Where did you learn to do this?” she asks with an almost astonished cadence.

“The internet,” he replies blithely. She opens her eyes and lifts herself onto her elbows to glare at him, earning little more than a sheepish shrug in response. “When Nat was pregnant,” he mutters, voice low, almost shy, “she was waiting tables for a while… on her feet all day… said they always hurt. So I hit up YouTube for some tips.”

A small, tender smile splits her face. “Lucky lady.”

He shrugs again, scoffs as well. “I don’t know about that. She got stuck with me. For a while anyway.”

Her brow furrows and she hauls herself up a little higher, awkwardly tucking the fluffy purple back pillow behind her. “Why do you say that?” she asks, voice aching with sincerity. “Why do you say it like that… stuck with you?”

Another shrug. “We never meant… I mean… we were just friends. We fooled around some. Then… boom. Baby.”

“Yeah, but… still. She married you. I can’t imagine she ever thought she was stuck with you.” She flops back a bit, lets her eyes linger on the stark white ceiling above. “Not when you give foot rubs like this.”

A shy, almost nervous-sounding laugh burbles out of him, one that he quickly tries to cover by changing the subject, emitting with a lilt, “Why the hell would you wear those shoes all day if they’re so uncomfortable anyway?”

She lets out a small hum. “You have got a lot to learn about women.”

“Not something I haven’t heard before.”

She pulls herself upright and looks at him with a crooked smile. “You’re doing alright right now, though,” she offers with a wink before falling back into the pillow again. “I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “I shouldn’t be this tired. It was just a looooong day.”

“Yeah? What’d you do?”

A short scoff spills from her lips. “You don’t want to know,” following it out along with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Bucky drops her foot and leans over to take hold of the flippant hand – along with her other wrist – hauling her up into a sitting position. She lets out a small squeak in protest and proceeds to collapse sideways into the rear cushions of the couch, remaining upright, though just barely. He stifles a laugh and gently swipes her mussed hair back behind her ear, fingers – admittedly – lingering longer than needed. “I want to know,” he says, voice slow and low, as his thumb drops to trace lazily down her neck before his hand finally falls away altogether, nervously coming back to rest on his thigh.

It takes her a moment to recover, the chill left behind from that single, slow touch sending a small shockwave through her that leaves her temporarily speechless. “Um,” she mutters amid a timid laugh. “Well… today, I mostly helped Pepper – Ms. Potts – out with some wedding arrangements.”

“That’s Stark’s fiancée?”

She nods.

“The one who used to have your job?” he asks with a teasing brow cocked.

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, technically. But that was a long time ago. Now she’s the CEO of Stark Industries.”

His brows twist in confusion. “What the hell is Stark then?”

She shrugs – “Figurehead.” – then cracks a smile at her own joke. “He’s still on the board. Still has his hands in pretty much everything.” A long, languid sigh rolls out of her. “And he does a lot of charity stuff, believe it or not. You know, everyone thinks that he’s just this vapid, selfish billionaire. But he’s given away millions in scholarship funds and endowments. And when he isn’t actively looking for businesses – and people – to invest in, he’s doing his own fundraising, setting up new grants and projects.” Her eyes tick away, stare shifting almost dreamily off into the distance. “He’s a really good person. Sometimes you just have to… dig a little to find it.”

Bucky nods – slowly, appreciatively – as he watches her far-off gaze with a sort of distant fondness of his own. Then, a teasing smirk tugging at his lips, he asks, “Are you one of his projects?”

Her head spins round in a flash, long hair flying and settling at her shoulders, revealing a look of absolute astonishment on her face. “What?”

He laughs – nervous, stilted. “No. No, I just meant… him trying to get you a date. Or…” His forehead furrows – the expression quickly becoming one of her favorite sights – as he finishes with, “Or deciding if I was… what? Good enough to go on a date with you?”

Her shoulders relax, tension quickly melting away. “Ah, that. Yeah, well… truthfully, he’s been trying to set me up for… well about as long as I’ve known him. All work and no play, he likes to say. Of course, he says that and then immediately sends me out on some impossible task that takes ‘til midnight to complete.” She shakes her head, ratcheting side to side to reset her thoughts and get back to the point. “I haven’t really dated anyone since moving to the city. And I think Tony views celibacy as some kind of personal affront. Or… sacrilege.”

“So sex is God?” he asks with a laugh.

“To Tony Stark? Yes. Sex, money, and power.”

“Yeah, he sounds like a real great guy,” he mocks. “How long have you been in the city?”

She drops her head, that beautiful blush blooming along her neck and cheeks as she utters shyly, “A little over a year. And I was commuting before that, which took up even more time. So, really… well, it’s been a while since I was… involved with anyone.”

He nods simply, lips pulling into a tight-lipped frown as he debates whether or not to tell her that, “I haven’t dated anyone in years. Haven’t gotten laid in a long-ass time either.” Then, snorting indelicately and dropping his head in a regretful shake, he mutters, “Shit. Why did I say that?”

A loud and boisterous chortle spills out of her. “I don’t know. But it made me feel better.”

“Yeah?” He looks over at her, crooked smile seeming cocky on the surface, but clearly covering a bundle of nerves as he gazes up at her, bright blue eyes glistening in the dim lamplight.

“Yeah,” she confirms lightly, turning away just a bit, that beautiful stare almost too much to take.

“So, where were you commuting from?” he asks then, awkwardly clearing his throat. “Please don’t say Long Island.”

Her mouth drops, gaping wide. “Why does everyone have such a problem with Long Island?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

“And I suppose you’ve always been in Brooklyn?” she snipes in return.

“Born and raised. Steve and I grew up on this same block.”

“Wow,” she mutters, a teasing lilt to the word. “So you and Steve have known each other… forever then?”

“Pretty much,” he replies, his eyes shifting away as a sudden darkness rolls over them.

She rather quickly recalls the incident from earlier, the palpable tension rolling off of him when discussing Steve taking Lana home. “And he’s… with your ex now?” she asks, showing hardly any hesitation.

Admittedly, thinking before speaking has never been one of Annie’s strong suits. Oh, she knows when it’s not her place to say something. She knows when subjects are better left untouched. But all too often, that little voice inside that tells her to shut her damn mouth sounds after she’s already spilled. Hell, that’s how Tony found out about her little crush to begin with, when she couldn’t stop prattling on about the cute guy who fawned over her Bronco, not even thinking about who she was sharing all of this with.

Bucky hesitates, gnawing on the corner of his lip as he – presumably – thinks on what to say. And, for a moment, she fears that her big mouth may have gotten her into trouble once again. But when he does speak, he doesn’t sound angry at all, not irritated nor annoyed with her inquiry in the least. Rather he seems… earnest. Candid, even.

“He moved in with Nat a few months ago,” he starts, shifting beside her. “They’ve been dating a while.” A long, deflating sigh billows out of him and he reaches for his beer, takes a nice, long swig before going on. “Didn’t really bother me much when they started. They’re a hell of lot better matched than we ever were. But… moving in…”

Annie hikes her shoulders up a bit, sitting a little straighter, pulling herself a little closer to him before asking, “It’s just… weird?”

He nods, takes another pull, then crinkles his brow and shakes his head instead. “No. Actually it’s not. I think maybe that’s the problem. This thing with them… it’s real. And that means… I guess that means…” He lets out a short, sardonic laugh and slams the bottle back down onto the side table, runs his hands through his hair in an almost violent way. “I don’t know what it means.”

She licks her lips slowly, eyes still trained on his fractious face. But for once, she says nothing.

Bucky’s gaze falls to the floor as his elbows drop to his knees. “It means he gets it all,” he mutters softly, voice barely a whisper. He shrugs, lets out a long sigh. “He’ll be Svetlana’s…” he utters in an almost despondent tone. “I don’t know. More than Uncle Steve.”

She slowly shifts on the couch next to him, folding her legs up beneath her. “And that worries you?”

“I don’t know,” he breathes out, sitting back and shaking his head languidly before sinking into the cushions. He stretches casually, reaching an arm back behind her and wrapping it loosely over her shoulders, the gesture seeming utterly ordinary and natural.

Without thinking, she settles in, leans her head back onto his bicep. “You trust him with her?”

Wide eyes shoot her way. “Yeah, of course. He loves her like crazy. And he’s great with her.” He looks away, gaze turning a bit pensive, melancholy even. “No, it’s not that. It’s just…”

“He might get to spend more time with her than you?” she asks, already knowing the answer. He bites down on his bottom lip, clearly not wanting to offer any kind of confirmation. “You mentioned that when she starts school, she’ll probably spend more time at her mom’s,” she mentions casually.

He nods, lets his lip slowly pop free from the tightly clenched teeth. “Yeah.”

“But,” she starts, turning bodily to face him. “Does he make waffles like you do? Dozens at a time with every topping imaginable?”

The tiniest smile quirks on his face. “No. No, Steve can barely boil water. When he has to feed her breakfast it’s usually donuts.”

“And what about…” she reaches down and plucks the felled princess costume from the floor, smoothing it out across her lap. “Dress up… does he play princess dress up with her?”

He cocks his head to the side, single brow raised high. “I never said I play dress up with her.”

“Oh so you’ve never put on a tiara just because that little girl asked you to?” His lips press into a tight, firm line, only barely managing to hide the telling smile breaking underneath. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She gives a single, definitive nod. “And would he let her completely trash the place like this?” she asks with a smirk.

“Oh, Steve definitely would. But he lives with Natasha now and she runs a tight ship, so he’s shit outta luck there.”

She leans back again and snuggles close to him, gently running her cheek along the smooth fabric of his T-shirt as her head lazily drops to his shoulder, and then to his chest. “But could he ever be her dad?” she asks, feeling him stiffen beneath her for a long, agonizing moment before his muscles loosen and he lets out a sigh.

“No. No one else could be,” he says, a hint of doubt still lingering in the forlorn words.

“My sister’s on her second husband,” she blurts out then. “So I know… I mean, I can see how hard divorce is on people. Well, actually, my parents split when I was a kid too. So… yeah…” She twitches nervously and he brings his hand down off the side of the couch, lays a giant palm atop her upper arm and slowly, soothingly rakes his thumb along her shoulder.

“And you turned out okay?”

“Well, I know how to pick up after myself at least.”

He snorts out a small laugh. “Guess there’s something you can teach me then, huh?”

“Guess so,” she mutters, snuggling deeper into his chest and letting her lids lazily drift shut. The soft, slow rhythm of his heart beats steadily beneath her ear, his breath warm atop her head, and before she even has the chance to second guess what’s about to happen, she drifts off to sleep.

000

He wakes her when the food arrives, shrugging off her wholehearted embarrassment when she spies a line of drool pocking his T-shirt as they get set up at the kitchen table. “I spent almost two years of my life covered in drool,” he mutters, unpacking the takeout. “Frankly, it’s the least disgusting bodily fluid I’ve gotten on me.”

Her face pinches in repulsion, rosy blush still nipping at the tops of her ears. “It’s a little different when it’s your kid, though.”

He waits for her to drop into a seat before flopping down himself, holding out a fork with one hand and a set of chopsticks with the other. “Who said all of that was from my kid?”

She chuckles shyly and plucks the proffered fork from his hand. “Good choice,” he mutters, tossing the chopsticks aside and grabbing another fork to dig into some lo mien. “No need to show off for me.”

“Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t be showing off. I’d only be embarrassing myself more.” She shovels some broccoli onto her plate, waiting patiently with a small, crooked grin as he casually reaches over to dump some fried rice out for her as well. “I went with Tony to Shanghai last month and we got hot pot. Which I had never had before.” From the corner of her eye, she continues to watch as he fills in her plate, spooning on some chicken and an eggroll. “We were halfway through the meal, I’d managed to eat maybe two pieces of… whatever it was I could actually catch with the chopsticks, when the waiter came over and set down a fork beside me. Just me. No one else. Didn’t even say a word, just kind of looked at me in that way you look at a child who’s having trouble tying his shoes as you take over and do it for him. You know the way? Like, good try, sport, but let me help you out here.”

He lets out a hearty laugh and slumps back in his chair, finally serving himself a heaping helping of each and every dish. She continues to watch him, a soft twinkle in her eye, one that only grows when he glances up and catches her staring, his eyes shifting nervously as he asks, “What?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, coy smile still pulling at the corner of her mouth. “It’s just… I don’t usually get served takeout.”

“Ah, yeah,” he breathes out self-consciously, setting down the final container and absently twirling his fork between his fingers. “I guess I’m just used to making up someone’s plate when sitting down to eat.”

“It’s cute,” she quips before popping a giant chunk of chicken into her mouth.

He quirks a side-eye at her as she struggles to chew around the bite. “You want me to cut it all up for you too? I’m pretty good at it.”

She snorts out a laugh, finally swallowing everything down and finishing it off with a quick swig of lukewarm beer. “I’m sure you are. Lots of practice, I imagine.”

His lips purse, head nodding purposively, and he points at her meal with his fork, single brow raised high. “You just let me know if you need more,” he says, mirthful expression cracking at the edges of his face. “But no fortune cookie ‘til you clean your plate.”

She hums out another laugh, scoops up another forkful of food. “Do you and Lana get Chinese a lot?”

He shrugs, swallows down his bite, and mutters. “Not too much. She’ll only eat white rice. And the cookies.”

“I went through a nothing-but-white-rice phase,” she says with a slow nod.

“Yeah? When you were a kid?”

“When I was 27.”

His brows curl together, pure amusement shining through the bewilderment. And he shakes his head fondly. “So, Stark took you to China,” he muses, swirling together some of the food on his plate. “You get to travel with him a lot?”

He catches her off guard, another too-large mouthful of food being slowly macerated. She smiles shyly, lips tightly closed as she struggles to finish chewing, to steadily swallow as he stares at her with an expression of mock impatience, his bright blue eyes positively swimming in a hypnotizing sort of joy. Finally, finally, she’s able to choke out, “Some. Not a lot. Just depends what he needs.”

Bucky nods, a long, languid bobbing of his head as he seems to think on her words. “You do whatever he needs? I mean… like you’re at his beckon call?”

Her forehead furrows a bit, eyes narrowing. “No, not really,” she offers with a shrug. “I mean… sometimes I work kind of crazy hours. And sometimes I’ll travel with him. But he’s pretty good about… understanding.”

He cocks his head. “Understanding what?”

She lets loose with a soft chortle. “Understanding what us real humans need. That man can go for days without a break. He doesn’t even need coffee to keep him going. If he’s on to something… some kind of great idea… he’ll run with it, forgoing sleep, food… making me cancel all of his appointments.” She looks back up at him, waving her empty fork absently through the air. “That’s actually the toughest part of my job… keeping track of all the excuses I’m forced to make on his behalf. Making sure no one catches us in a lie.”

He goes strangely silent for a long moment, eyes dropping to the still-full plate in front of him. “He makes you lie for him?”

The tenor of his voice makes it clear that he doesn’t like that one bit, the way his jaw stiffly sets and shifts when she chances a glance at him only confirming his disapproval. “No,” she says amid a nervous-sounding cough. “No, I mean… sometimes I have to make up excuses for him. But…” She shrugs then, realizing that, “It’s just part of the job.”

He looks up at her then, the blue of his eyes shifting in shade, making his gaze deep, bottomless, darkly profound. “Is that the job you want, Annie?” he asks, voice low and sincere.

Her mouth gapes, bobs open and closed for a moment before, “I… I don’t know,” spills out of her.

“You just… you don’t to seem to have a problem going after what you want,” he intones, dropping a short chuckle and a sly wink at the end.

She drops her head a bit, turning away to stave off the blush that she’s fairly certain would burn at any woman’s cheeks after encountering that sultry, blue-eyed wink. “Yeah, yeah,” she breathes out with a slight chuckle. “I don’t know why you even let me in here. I’m obviously stalker material.”

He shrugs, turns back to his food and absently twirls his fork through some lo mien. “I was afraid you’d find some other powerful billionaire to sic on me if I turned you down.”

“I really only know the one,” she says with a sigh. “Met others in passing, but I don’t think they’d commit like Tony did.”

He snorts out a quick laugh, taking a beat to stare absently down at his plate as he seems to mull something over in his head. “It’s just…” he mutters vaguely. “You just… seem like you should be the high-powered billionaire.” A swift, surprised laugh chokes out of her, causing his lips to unconsciously quirk upwards despite his gaze never leaving the pile of food before him. “Really, though. You seem like you could do more… so much more, than just clean up after some selfish – ”

“Careful,” she interrupts, a hint of sincerity to her otherwise light tone.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m very good at cleaning up after people,” she teases, slowly shoving aside a small wrench and absently rubbing at the grease smear it leaves behind on the table. “As you will see later.”

“I’m serious,” he declares, pulling his shoulders straight and tall to validate his statement. “You… you’re smart and driven… and sweet and funny. Patient.”

“Easy to talk to,” she interjects, repeating his comment from the other night, the one she immediately – and proudly – committed to memory.

He nods, rolling his eyes just a little. “Easy to talk to,” he affirms before falling silent for another long moment. “What do you want to do? I mean… I’m guessing you didn’t exactly dream of being a personal assistant when you were little?”

Her brows lift and drop in rapid succession, as she takes a second to reflect. “No,” she drawls out finally. “No, when I was little I dreamt of being a princess.” Her eyes positively gleam as she tosses a quick glance over her shoulder at the yellow dress draped over the couch in the other room.

He snorts a laugh, shaking his head tenderly as he digs up another forkful of fried rice. “I’m gonna have to take you and Svetlana to Disney World, aren’t I?”

Her breath catches in her chest at the seemingly blasé comment. Eyes widening despite every attempt to hide her surprise – and glee – as she looks over at him. He’s busy staring at his plate, still swirling the different dishes together into some sort of Chinese mélange. She gratefully accepts the brief moment of diversion to quell her stuttering heart, clearing her throat to gather her words. “I wish someone would,” she murmurs, aiming for joking but landing somewhere in the realm of positively wistful.

If he picks up on her surprise or excitement – or her pathetic attempt at covering them – it doesn’t show, a simple, “Really though,” falling from his lips amid a quick hiss after downing the rest of his beer. He quirks his head at her, holding up his empty bottle to wordlessly ask if she’d like another. She nods and he pushes up from the table, turning to reach into the fridge, his face buried behind the open door as he asks, “Once you realized that wasn’t gonna work out, what’d you want to do?”

She waits for him to sit back down, feels her face flush when he directs all of his attention – and those deep ocean eyes – her way. “Well, um,” she sputters. “Well, I went to school… I actually have a degree in organizational psychology.”

He pulls back, face twisting into a frown. “What’s that?”

“It’s basically just applying psychological principles to the workplace. I found it interesting. You know… figuring out how people operate, how best to communicate with them, how to determine if they fit into certain workplace dynamics.” She shrugs. “But I didn’t really give much thought to what I might do with it.”

“What can you do with it?”

She hums thoughtfully, dropping her chin to her open palm. “I could do something in human resources… maybe consulting. Could always go back and get my masters too, I guess.” She shrugs again before pulling upright and returning to her food. “I don’t know.”

He blows a long, slow breath out of his nose and leans back in his chair, his gaze still trained on her. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised about the psych part.” She raises an inquiring brow at him, forkful of rice halfway to her mouth. “You’ve obviously psychoanalyzed the shit outta Stark. You got me to talk about stuff that… that I don’t talk about.” He takes a quick swig of his beer and tips the bottle towards her. “You got a gift there, Annie.”

Her face remains slack and emotionless as her gut fills with an odd mix of pride and delight… and trepidation. It’s strange, talking about this side of herself… this part of her life that she’d made off limits with her family some time ago – quickly tiring of their inquiries about just what she planned to do with her life. But the truth is, this is something she’s been thinking about a lot lately, questioning ever since she made the decision to move out to the city and devote herself wholly to being Tony Stark’s aide. Because a part of her – a big part of her – took that leap in the hopes that working for the brilliant entrepreneur might somehow lead to something more.

The only problem is, she doesn’t have a clue what that more might be.

Bucky shifts in his seat, setting down his beer and picking back up his fork, shoving it indelicately into the kung pow chicken on his plate. “If you’re happy doing what you’re doing, just ignore me,” he says before taking a huge mouthful.

She watches him with a deep sort of interest, as though this veritable stranger might just be able to help her find her path in life. Maybe. Somehow. “When did you know you wanted to be a mechanic?” she asks simply.

He shrugs, swallows down his food. “I didn’t. I just… was. I mean, I like cars. I guess I’m good at it.” Another blithe shrug. “I worked at a garage for a while as a kid and then… I don’t know… Steve started talking about starting up our own. I guess I figured… why not?”

“Why not?” she repeats dully. “You chose a career, invested in a business… cemented your life in place, and you’re reasoning behind it was why not?”

He smiles slyly at her, the expression causing a pool of warmth to gather in her gut. “Sometimes that’s all there is to it, doll. You don’t have to overthink everything. Sometimes things happen – an offer on a garage or an unplanned baby or… what the hell ever – and you just gotta decide to either roll with it or… I don’t know, shut it all down.”

“And you rolled with it,” she mutters, more so to herself as she mulls over his words.

“Yeah,” he breathes out amid a soft laugh. “Sometimes that’s the way to go. So you don’t miss out on something… great. Sometimes you just gotta say to yourself, why the hell not?”

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #ldamc #dad!bucky #bucky x oc #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #marvel fanfic #avengers fanfiction #avengersau #Bucky Barnes

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retrauxpunk · 5 years ago

Note

Rain, I ask you: ALL the quarantine asks!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? not really an ‘awakening’ so much as a ‘hint’, but Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender ... yep

Grilled cheese or PB&J? GRILLED CHEESE

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I don’t really experience this mood, but my go-to watch is the vlogbrothers YouTube channel

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? if it’s a low-key/work outing, lager or cider (esp the ones with non-apple fruits too); if it’s getting more serious (lol) or with closer friends or a more celebratory mood: vodka with sparkling apple juice

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? these Doc Martens that are white with red hearts got ’em with my first ever full time design job paycheck. i did not take care of them well so they’re super scuffed/beat-up and very much not Perfectly White ... but they’re still comfy as heck, i still love the design, and they’ve lasted 3 years so far, let’s see how much longer we can make it ... also i think they’re a limited edition so i likely won’t get my hands on any replacements...

Top three cuisines? my cheap-ass answer would be, like: East Asian, South-East Asian, Western European ... but my non-shit answer is... Japanese, Chinese, Italian (ftr i’m not a seafood fan ... i just love the ramen and non-seafood stuff that japan makes hehe)

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? i have no clue

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? cold-calling strangers to ask them to do market research phone surveys (y)

Look up. What’s directly across from you? the kitchen

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a messenger bag that i got signed by Jeph Jacques of the Questionable Content webcomic that i once adored ... and I think my boyfriend has gifted me a signed Matthew Reilly hardcover.

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? curled up indoors wearing something cosy, reading and eating something delicious. playing animal crossing lol. aaaaand listening to music, a good podcast, watching stand-up comedy, drawing, getting intoxicated...

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? occasionally the standard smoked salmon and cream cheese, but i slightly prefer the meat to be, like, prosciutto

Brunch or midnight snacks? ehh fuck it, both???? both!!

Favorite mug you own easter limited edition waitrose mug, squat and round and yellow, painted/shaped like a very round chick. a Borb,,,,

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? i actually thought about this and, uh, peppermint mocha. not for everyone, slightly weird, never fitting in with the regulars/being a default, but???? obviously awesome?? also: about 65% on the mainstream/hipster scale

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) The Wombats is the artist. lyrics are either “Let's dance to Joy Division / and celebrate the irony / Everything is going wrong, / but we're so happy” from Let’s Dance to Joy Division or “the edge of nowhere’s such a beautiful place” from Emoticons

Fruity or herbal teas? herbal but i agree with @queenofslime, black tea is the best

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? ...do i experience embarrassment about what i like to watch on TV? i don’t know if i do, because i watch relatively few shows ... and have relatively little shame? maybe???

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? ftr i wasn’t bitter about this before reading, i had no preconceived biases against, and i was pretty open to liking it -- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

Do you match your socks? if they’re of a really nice design then yes always, if they’re of a more standard/generic design then ... not necessarily

Have you ever been horseback riding? yes a few times ... on the last time which was like five years ago ... the lady said i was a natural and asked if i’d ridden much before, which was. flattering. and yes this is a Brag.

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) didn’t have much of a hardcore phase but i was pretty much always into fantasy ... oh wait yeah i did! i had a spy phase :)

Have you ever been to jail? to closed-down ones, yep

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? pretty great idea unequivocably, right?

Puzzles? i tend to enjoy riddles/lateral thinking puzzles, i am impartial about jigsaw puzzles. i enjoy escape rooms.

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? apple ... but elderflower if i’m feeling reckless (y)

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? young adult ... or stationery

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? Russian language :( it’s going не так хорошо

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? not sure if i have a go-to artist so much as go-to playlists i’ve made but some good ones are The Wombats and Bastille

Where could someone find you in a museum? mammals/birds in natural history

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? i swear i was talking about this recently but i clean the fuck forgot what it was ... oh yeah, i have this short-sleeved black minidress festooned with silver buckles/buttons and also featuring decorative suspenders ... which, yes, does make me look like a sexy military officer,,, anyway it’s pretty badass and somehow it hasn’t occurred to me till now that i can just wear that every day now if i want? ftw i do get the chance to wear it, it’s just a little bit Extra so i get self-conscious. i’ve worn it a few times though. including to work. because fuck it, right? i didn’t become a graphic designer to be shy about sometimes looking like a prototypical emo/scene kid-turned-adult??? (ftr i was never an actual emo/scene kid. i lacked the requisite guts, commitment of feeling, and permissive parents.)

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? sunset-coloured clouds :)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? how about a shapeshifting feathered dragon that could range from, like, two thirds of a foot long (20cm) to sit on your shoulder, to ... the size of a massive draft horse? (but longer and thinner)

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? photos, though if i didn’t live with a partner, it might be art

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i’ve already got a meme tattooed on my body ... a private meme i have with my boyfriend, one on each leg (left: outer side, just above knee; right: outside, a few inches above the ankle)

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with ?????? is this a sidekick to a known superhero, or a superhero to act as your sidekick? also i don’t know? who are the standard heroes? i’m not up to date on this.

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? rivers or oceans

Favorite mid-2000s song i can’t decide a favourite, it’s too stressful, but one that i like is Rob Thomas’s Little Wonders

How do you dress when you’re home alone? either a t-shirt and PJ pants, or a dress (usually short-sleeved/sleeveless minidress)

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? on either side of the couch haha

Knives or swords? BOTH but ok swords.

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving hmmmmm like all of Linkin Park’s first three albums with some exceptions? hahahah

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie i don’t think i.....know any????

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? explanation, though on instagram quite often the photo and caption are unrelated

Name a classic Vine there’s only one thing worse than a rapist...

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? dumplings! as in the gyoza type.

How do you top your ice cream? that ‘magic’ chocolate sauce that hardens into chocolate. that stuff. i watched those ads all childhood long but my parents were immigrants and therefore very thrifty so we NEVER bought it iirc and then in my adulthood i got it a bunch of times. but now i live in the uk and can’t find it. and forgot it existed. and have never seen it anywhere.

Do you like Jello? the kind that’s served on a plate as a dessert? meh. the kind that are found in asian grocery stores as individual fruit-flavoured serves in little plastic cups? YES

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? future stock prices? LOL ... or i’m gonna go with @queenofslime‘s answer again -- how others see me. it’s a great answer.

How are you at climbing trees? not............ good. i mean, i like climbing, but i have absolutely terrible upper body strength. i did bouldering for a couple months but only stuck to the first like... three out of nine difficulty levels.

#thanks!! hehe #quarantine asks #queenofslime #asks

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acekatherineplumber · 5 years ago

Text

Questions!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? Stella from Winx Club

Grilled cheese or PB&J?

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I have a playlist of liked YouTube videos that I sometimes put on, but Parks and Recreation is a frequent source of background noise, especially when I’m cleaning

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? A Cosmopolitan

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? My black and pink Nikes

Top three cuisines? Indian, Chinese, Japanese-French fusion

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? Girl. No wonder I’m gay.

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? I don’t think anyone would be surprised at my jobs. I’ve been a nanny, a tutor, and a barista. People who don’t know me well might be surprised that I was a teaching assistant in France

Look up. What’s directly across from you? My lotion

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? I think I have a book signed by Gordon Korman lying around

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? Inside watching TV and reading with my cats

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I don’t really eat bagels. There are better bread products

Brunch or midnight snacks? Both!

Favorite mug you own My giant Elsa mug

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? Espresso quad shot. I’m intense, and a lot to handle, but if you can handle me, you can count on me.

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) “And I’ll keep wondering and wondering and wondering and wondering, when will my life begin?” (Tangled)

Fruity or herbal teas? Both

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? I’m not really embarrassed about anything I watch

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? The City of Ladies by Christine de Pizan!

Do you match your socks? Sometimes

Have you ever been horseback riding? Yes

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) I was really into spies, funnily enough

Have you ever been to jail? No

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? UGGGGGHHHHHH if one thing falls behind it, it gets stuck! I hate them.

Puzzles? Fun!

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? Passionfruit

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? Foreign language

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? German!

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? Legally Blonde OBC

Where could someone find you in a museum? Near something shiny

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? I have my prom dress from senior year of high school, a white ballgown. I wish I could wear it more

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? All three!

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? An otter!

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? Art, some of it my own!

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? Salad cat, my thigh

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with Bucy Barnes might be fun!

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? Rivers

Favorite mid-2000s song Sk8r Boy by Avril Lavigne

How do you dress when you’re home alone? Bathrobe

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? In the recliner

Knives or swords? Swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving Starlight by Talor Swift

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie The Color of Friendship! Princess Protection Program is also good.

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? Second one

Name a classic Vine Jared, 19

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? Frozen fruit. I make a lot of smoothies

How do you top your ice cream? Non-dairy whipped cream

Do you like Jello? No

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? Big Ben

How are you at climbing trees? Decent

#story of my life

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ateanalenn · 5 years ago

Text

The Untamed / MDZS, resources post, stuff I needed as a writer

ORIGINAL POST AT DREAMWIDTH! (and updates will be there too and maybe on tumblr, if I remember)

(this is a copy paste, the formatting might not survive)

(also available on AO3)

The Untamed / MDZS, resources post, stuff I needed as a writerApr. 11th, 2020 05:46 pm ateanalennFinding info for this show / how to write about / pitfalls to avoid was a pain :( I guess that's part of having fandom on Tumblr. Since Tumblr's search function only works by selling a kidney and sacrificing a goat, I had to rely on Google. Which, not great. Anyway, useful stuff I found to understand this fandom: • MDZS on Dreamwidth: theuntamed_mdzs (active) mxtx (community focused on all the works by the author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. Not active, but it's there) theyilingweisect (community sharing fics, meta, discussions. Not active either since jan 2020) • MDZS aka Mo Dao Zu Shi (book) aka Grandmaster of Demobnic Cultivation / The Untamed (drama) (there's also an audio drama, a manhua, a donghua, ...) - the novel's en glish fan translation at Exiled Rebels (complete ) As far as I know, this is the most popular translation, though I would like to know if anyone has another translation that they think fit best. - the drama is streaming on Netflix, Viki, WeTV & Youtube. From what I heard around, Netflix and Youtube are the most accessible, obviously, but Viki has the best subtitles (and a whole lot of annoying pubs though). I think that I heard somewhere that there are fan subtitles made, will update if I find the link again). • About names: • The Untamed: A Primer Basically an overview of what is this drama, a few spoilers (but under arrows to open so less risks to see something you didn't want to see). Useful list of titles for the main charas! (ex: Wei Wuxian: Young Master Wei Wei Ying (use of this name denotes “I feel affection for you”) The Yiling Patriarch (use of this name denotes “I think you are evil”) A-Xian / Xianxian (use of this name denotes “I am your loving older sister, have some soup”) Lan Wangji: Second Young Master Lan Lan Zhan (use of this name denotes “I feel affection for you”) Hanguang Jun (use of this name denotes “I respect you, and you are also famously very beautiful”) Wangji (use of this name denotes “I am your older brother and I wish you’d make a friend”) ) • Another primer tumblr by sonickitty with a few where-do-I-find links • Alexandra Rowland explains What Is The Untamed twitter (with pics) • How Ancient Chinese Names Work - Learn from The Untamed Detailed explanation of what's going on with the names (aka Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan, Hanguang-jun) • Dramatis Personae for Modao Zushi the book dw (another detailed who's who/names list) • Names again, Chinese/Mandarin conventions twitter (aka ex the accents aren't necessary, they're there for pronunciation and some explanation of who would use full name/shortened name) • Infographic: birth name vs courtesy name vs title vs respectful address twitter • Quick table / honorifics guide tumblr by cleyra • Mo Dao Zu Shi | 魔道祖师 The various adaptions tumblr by gravitydefyingtears • A list of MDZS FanFic Common Misleading tumblr by kazeki • A conversation about linguistic register, Lan Wangji, and I guess Wei Wuxian can come too tumblr (pretty important text to understand how lwj speaks) • Writing Lan Wangji's speech patterns (aka say the most in the least words) and the follow up Lan Wangji moving into the lowest, most vernacular linguistic register to try and get through to Wei Wuxian tumblr by hunxi-huilai • Using "You/I" vs "Title-as-you" tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Sword names tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Honorifics: jun vs zun tumblr by hunxi-guilai • THE spreadsheet: Mo Dao Zu Shi Character Name Chart, recced by flamebyrd (of who uses what for whom) • Misc Info: • 59 slides of awesomeness by chatcolat. Who's who, plot summary, humor. Beware, so full of spoilers you'll cry if you want to keep some mystery, but! concise recap of what happens in the show to keep the timeline in mind. • Everything about those cultivation sects in ‘The Untamed’ Quick who's who of the various sects (Gusu Lan, Lanling Jin, Yunmeng Jiang, Qishan Wen, Qinghe Nie. Protip: first word is basically the location, second is the sect/clan name). • Reference for Modao Zushi Writers: Chinese terms ao3. "This is to provide a reference for writers who are unfamiliar with Chinese literary conventions or terms used in canon." • Resource list dw: Libitina's twitter links for Meta, Linguistics, Costumes, Food, Edits, Art. • Actual drama title vs English drama title twitter • How "Mo Dao Zu Shi" became "Chen Qing Ling" became "The Untamed" tumblr by hunxi-guilai • Very necessary meta about why the novel/extras seems to have so many sex consent issues and how translating to English potentially gives a very different overall feel to the scene (ex: ExR = "you're too much, you're way too much" becomes chiaki_himura's "you're good, you're too good", becomes bigbadredpanda's "you're amazing, you're the best"). Also, Chinese language enables to shorten sentences which makes stuff implied, 's your job to see context clues.) • hunxi guilai's master list of various detailed topics re-Chinese language/customs tumblr • "Wangxian" is such a clever portemanteau tumblr by untamedconnotations • Song Lan didn’t just say that Xiao Xingchen was “nice-looking,” he basically said that Xiao Xingchen was smokin’ hot except like, in two characters and blanketed with literary respectability. tumblr by hunxi-guilai (this is only relevant because xxc IS the most beautiful person, really and needs to be protected at all cost) • The Unclean Realm isn't "unclean" has in dirty/bad, it's most probably to show the difference of way of cultivating vs the other sects tumblr by hunxi-guilai • WuJi, the love song's fan translation tumblr by iarrod • Timeline: • 59 slides of awesomeness by chatcolat. Who's who, plot summary, humor. Beware, so full of spoilers you'll cry if you want to keep some mystery, but! concise recap of what happens in the show to keep the timeline in mind. • A google spreadsheet, via mihanada's GoDC timeline wip (Year/Event/Notes/Ages/...) • MDZS Timeline, that meta AO3 post on speed by TheWickling. Useful if you want all the details, a bit difficult to navigate/understand when you just landed in the fandom. Still very useful. • And the sequel: On Character's Ages ao3 "A collection of meta on the possible ages for different characters in MDZS and what ages they would be during key events in the timeline." • Modao Zushi, birthdates/timeline dw Dirthdates starting with 0 = wwx's birth year. Succinct & useful. • Maps • Fan made mdzs / untamed worldmap twitter • Places of The Untamed - Where They Are in The Real World • IRL sect locations reddit • Google Map of clan locations in Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation tumblr • Lotus Pier really is one of the most underrated but beautiful places. twitter • Gifsets and images: - Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Untamed drama character guide! deviantart picture = name, who's who in pics. - The Untamed sect sigils - In Which LWJ Gives Not A Single Shit, A Thread #LanWangji #WangXian #cql #TheUntamed SPOILERS for most of the show twitter - The various stages of hairstyles + accessories twitter - SongXiao are in love, got married, are living happily ever after,(FITE ME) twitter by shenweiss - Realizing that wwx is wearing lwj's silk undershirt and the follow up: Qiren's face when he notices xD twitter - gingersnapwolves's Untamed tumblr tag - thewickling's mdzs tumblr tag - hunxi-guilai's cql tumblr tag - compilation of wangxian just being gay and making everyone feel like a third wheel twitter by weiwxngji - wwx swoons a lot and he's gorgeous twitter - Alexandra Rowland explains What Is The Untamed twitter (with pics) - grinding ink requires great patience, often represents that one is willing to wait for another’s feelings twitter - sad compilation of wangxian gazing into each other’s eyes that no one asked for, you’re welcome twitter - This frontal view of Wei Wuxian laying on Lan Wangji’s lap is everything. twitter - Lotus Pier really is one of the most underrated but beautiful places. twitter - Sometimes you see something, a picture, a video, just a snippet of a short moment, and you SEE the love. twitter - CQL’s working title was hot murder husbands twitter (this is amazing) - Lan Wangji just looks a thousand times more intimidating with golden eyes twitter - #TheUntamed’s spinoff webmovie #FatalJourney posters twitter (yessss, nhs, one of my fav) - Don’t you love how exactly 0.5 seconds of this video is Lan Zhan explaining that only spouses are allowed to touch the headband and the rest of the entire 2(!) minutes is a complication of Wei Ying touching it anyways... he said I wanna marry you. twitter • Fic Recs: - DW guest Post: Untamed Fic Starter Pack (a few fics for each subject (ex post canon, juniors centric, ...) - Twitter thread starting with Alexandra Rowland asking for fluffy MDZS/Untamed fic recs. (good new-fandom starter too!) - That twitter thread collecting a list of lady-centric Untamed/MDZS fics Which, good, because as much as I love the fandom, once again women don't exactly come out on top. How many are still alive at the end? I can think of one previously Jin sect lady, but that's it on top of my head, soooo. - Libitina also has posted a lot of mdzs fic recs dw - A "they're students in lockdown and socially distancing" WangXian ficlet tumblr by besanii And bonus: a capybara enjoying a good scritch because I love those dog-sized guinea pigs, seriously, that twitter account is my daily dose of cuteness Also, have some guinea pig on a cutesy bridge PS: I thought that this would be fast because I didn't have that much info to collect at one place, buuuut. It's been 5 hours and it turns out that I did lol. Still, if you have anything else of potential interest, don't hesitate to leave a comment, please :D

#the untamed #resource #dreamwidth blog post #writer info #references

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a-cai-jpg · 5 years ago

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this is a very stilted post.

I have a collection of songs that make me cry.

I'm not in the habit of playing them very often. I don't even save them in my YouTube favorites, or my wormhole of a Spotify account. I kind of leave it up to fate for the familiar melody and lyrics to find me again, and on days where I feel especially brave, I'll queue it up on a drive. But only on a drive.

I watched a variety show about songwriters a few months back, and one of my favorite contestants said something along the lines of, "I think everyone has a theme that they just can't touch."

Sometimes, it's because the pain is still too raw. Sometimes, it's because we're too fearful to truly reckon with the sorrow, unwilling to drink it in, let it roll around in our mouths as the bitter flavor penetrates our tongue, and feel it burn on the way down.

I don't listen to the songs often because I'm afraid I'll become desensitized, that the most humane and most compassionate part of me will become numb.

But also because I'm not in the business of seeking out pain.

I used to be obsessed with tragedy, chasing it with a sort of masochistic relish because I thought you could never be as human as you were when you cried. It's kind of like why people really like those sad, touching Thai commercials that make you bawl your eyes out without fail every time.

But as I grew older, I realized there really is something that I can't touch. Sometimes, I tongue the edges of it, prodding with caution, but only on very, very rare occasions do I peel away the protective layer. There are some things I can't watch, can't listen to too closely, or else I'll feel myself unravel around the edges.

And not gonna lie, but now is not a time I'm willing to tug at the ends of the thread. So instead, I'll let a past me do that.

When I was a sophomore in university, I submitted a monologue for the annual Asian cultural show. It was submitted anonymously, because at the time, it wasn't something I was ready to talk about.

(it still isn't, but i have gotten more practice talking about it in the years that have elapsed.)

See, what had happened was, I was watching Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo (disappointment of my life, sorry the Chinese version is better even though the Korean cast is bEaUtIfUl), and suddenly, I had a mini-panic attack about death.

It was the dumbest thing. I was watching Park Soondeok try to woo Wang Eun, and the silly girl--bless her heart--hunted a whole bear to express her love for him. I remember the scene had startled me, because she popped on screen with a bear skin covering her body. And I was like, "Uh that's like, a lot of bad karma right."

And I don't really know how karma works, but I suddenly remembered something that my grandmother had said a long time ago. She said that she was a sinner, because she's "killed" so much for our family.

In Chinese, the words she used were 杀生, which literally means "kill life" but generally, animal life.

She said it because she is the main chef of our family. Whenever she visited China, our family would go through a bit of crisis because that meant either my grandfather cooked or my mom's boyfriend cooked.

Once, my grandfather served me Palmier cookies and the same fried rice we'd eaten for a week for dinner. Often, my mom's boyfriend chopped up carrots and celery to dip with ranch for dinner.

It was great.

(no, but our family barely functioned when my grandmother was gone. those six months would be us sitting silently around the dinner table, daring each other to be the first to try a dish.)

Weirdly, that little thing she said stuck with me. And in that moment, sophomore year of college, sitting in my top bunk watching Scarlet Heart Ryeo, I panicked.

I can't really dissect why I panicked. But the result was this ridiculous plan that I had to stop eating meat for the rest of my life to collect all the good karma for my grandmother.

(yeah, so that didn't last because I literally got sausages that weekend cus hello, continental breakfast.)

It wasn't that I never thought about death or my family members dying before then. In the second grade, I read a story about the friendship between a squirrel and a leaf, and cried and cried and cried when the story ended and the leaf died, not because the leaf died but because the leaf promised to be reborn, and would be reborn at the turn of the year, but humans wouldn't be.

But for some reason, all of the separate moments of panic and fear dispersed over a decade culminated in that moment, as I watched Soodeok pull the bearskin off of her head, and I started crying so hard I couldn't breathe.

So I wrote a monologue. The original draft was very, very long and very, very detailed, and I probably went through half a box of tissues writing it. I eventually cut it down and didn't save the first copy because I never wanted to read it again.

The theme of the monologue comes up every time I talk about my Chinese American identity. It comes up in personal statements, in creative narratives, in discussion groups, and in the Facebook likes I dish out whenever I see a relevant Subtle Asian Traits post. It's the sense of biculturalism and the accompanying endeavor to somehow reconcile my reality with that of my immigrant parents and grandparents. It's the weary acceptance that ultimately, there may be no reconciliation, and all that's left is regret.

Whenever someone asks me what my favorite food is, I would say spring onion noodles. But this is the funny part--I will never order them in a restaurant. Some time in middle school, I went on a family trip with my extended relatives in China. Every time we stopped to eat, my aunt would order me a bowl of spring onion noodles because she knew I loved it so much, and every time, I would make a face and say, "Grandma does it better."

See, I don't know if she actually does. I just knew I liked hers more.

After my grandmother returned to China, I started making spring onion noodles myself, because it tasted more like home even if I never got it right.

I also really like dumplings. My grandma makes the best dumplings, but I'm afraid to ask her to make them, because the last time I did, they were too salty. Now, I'm afraid to ask her to make spring onion noodles too, because maybe my memories tasted better than the real thing.

But the real, real reason I'm scared is that I'm scared she's getting old. I'm scared her tastebuds are not the same as they were when she lived in Monterey Park, cooking in our second floor kitchen.

In my senior year of college, I called my grandmother for the first time on my own. The moment I heard her voice, staticky over the long distance call, I started crying, and it was stupid because I had to pretend I wasn't crying and I was trying to talk normally and it was awful because it was the kind where your voice came in hiccupy stutters, and she definitely knew I was crying because she kept asking, "Why did you call? What's wrong?" while acting casual, for my sake.

When I was in the eighth grade, I was walking a friend's German Shepherd that ended up dragging me across the pavement in the park. It's a story I tell a lot, because it is truly hilarious in hindsight, but the ending goes like this:

I go home crying, because my glasses broke and I have cuts on the back of my left hand and down my face. I take a bath, something I grew out of doing years ago, and my grandmother doesn't reprimand me. She sits next to me and speaks in that vaguely disapproving voice of her, the tone of so many old Asian ladies, and tells me that life is hard and you will meet people that you don't get along with, but you just have to suck it up. And I start crying harder, because she cared.

That day, she also followed me from the front door of our house to my mom's master bathroom, asking, "What's wrong?"

We talk a lot about the Chinese zodiac in our household, more when my grandmother and grandfather still lived with us, but my aunt brought it up a few days ago. In the Chinese zodiac, the ox and the sheep are foils to each other--me and my grandmother. When I was little, I would say, "Ugh, this is why we fight so often." A few days ago, my mom said, "That's why you and grandma never got along," and I stayed silent.

I sometimes tell people that my grandmother is more like my mother figure, and my mom is more like an older sister. And my mom hates it. But, it's because everything that others associate with an Asian mom, I associate with my grandmother. All the memes about immigrant mother bringing their children peeled and cut fruit are about my grandmother, fending off my complaints about having to eat apples every single day, and stubbornly bringing me sliced apples and pears. All the stories about immigrant parents expressing their love through the words "Come eat. Food is ready," is my grandmother who singlehandedly kept her family together through sheer will and a kitchen stove.

Sometimes, when I'm brave enough to talk to people about how I feel about her, I would say that I would gladly give her half of the rest of my life, just so we can leave together. I'm scared her life would be less than perfect, and I wish I made money earlier so I can take her to Cambridge and Rome, but I'm also scared that I'm selfish and weak and unable to give her what she really wants.

Anyways.

Four tissues later, here's the monologue:

I am obsessed with time.

I am obsessed with time, but I hate the way the second hand moves relentlessly in an endless loop on the face of an old clock. I am obsessed with time, but I hate the way the mention of it tightens my throat, squeezing until the pressure travels to my heart and lungs, and finally settling somewhere deep in my gut.

I was told that time is linear. The Second Law of Thermodynamics. Chaos and disorder grow infinitely—there is no going back.

When I was little and time was but a tiny grain of sand in a large, foreboding hourglass, I believed in guardian angels. They were the ones who caught me tumbling from a swing, having flown too high on my too weak wings. They were the ones who waited outside the gates of my elementary school—a familiar face of comfort floating amidst a crowd of foreign visages. They were the ones who promised me plates and plates of hand-wrapped dumplings, and most importantly, they were the only ones who could cook spring onion noodles with a sunny side up egg the way I liked it, and no restaurant could ever hope to get the taste just the same.

But also, when I was little, I believed that guardian angels existed outside of time. They were immortal, they gave me life. But as the number of years they conferred to me increased, they seemed to become more and more human.

Sometimes, I’d blink, and for a terrifying moment, I’d catch glimpse of an elderly couple, backs hunched and hair splattered with grey, standing in my kitchen.

This is me, a girl obsessed with time. I had the liberty of being born and raised in the United States. My Chinese immigrant parents labored long days at work, and my grandparents were given the roles as my primary caretakers.

My grandfather was the quiet one, a retired electrical engineer who made it his mission to somehow teach me to love mathematics. My grandmother was the loud one, previously a librarian—the irony, I know—who never went to college but could calculate prices of groceries faster than I could pull out a calculator. I grew up dancing around their peculiar dynamic, seesawing back and forth between going ant-watching with my grandfather as I recited the Chinese timestables and trying to finish too many platters of food my grandmother piled in front of me as she told me stories of life back in China—in the good old days.

Growing up in California, it was inevitable that I saw the United States as home to both me and my family. It was where I had spent nearly two decades of my life—and where my mother, grandmother, and grandfather had spent nearly two decades of their lives.

And yet, two decades was not nearly enough time. Space could not be reconciled, and time was rendered obsolete.

Home, for them, was not our little town in the suburbs of LA. When my father passed away, my mother said, “We don’t have enough money to bring him home.” She’d said it carelessly in front of me, perhaps thinking 6-year-old me wouldn’t notice, let alone understand. But 6-year-old me did. Home, I realized, for them wasn’t home for me.

The thought was terrifying. I realized that there will come a time, when I’d return home, and it wouldn’t be the same place my mother, my grandmother, and my grandfather returned to.

I began to play with the idea of condensing time and space. How great it would be, if home was simultaneously California and China. Time differences, traveling time, the Pacific Ocean would be utterly abolished, and our hearts would return home together.

But time flew by and the pile of sand grains at the bottom of the hourglass grew without my noticing. I hadn’t yet the chance to tell my grandparents about my meditation on time and space, and suddenly, my grandfather decided to return home. Time had seemed to warp, fastforwarding the years I’d taken for granted, and now refusing to slow down.

Here’s the thing—I do not wish to be selfish. I want my family to be happy—to return home—but I am terrified that my own fragile notion of home will shatter in return.

Because the reality is, home isn’t physical space. Home is, in all truthfulness, time. Time I’d spent with my family, and the years I have left to spend with them.

I’d let time slip through my fingers as I tried to come up with this theory of “home.” I’d tried to condense “home” into a condominium, apartment D, a large peach tree shading the backyard. Yet now, the tree has been cut down, and my mother speaks of moving to a city forty minutes away. What then, I ask myself, is home?

Home is the promises I’d made to my grandparents—promises I’m no longer sure I can keep because I cannot cover large enough distances with so little time. Home is the way I could never tell them “I love you,” and the regret that builds in my heart as I realize that home is a ticking time bomb that threatens to throw the world into chaos. Entropy increases. Things fall apart.

In a little bit, home will be too many miles away, too many hours away, for me to return to. Home will be in a foreign city surrounded by a peculiar amalgamation of unfamiliar modernity and history she’d lived through. Home will be on the opposite shore of an ocean I cannot swim across, with no one to cook spring onion noodles for.

I am a girl obsessed with time. I’d been blessed with a lot of time, and yet, I’d tossed it all out of the window of my second story bedroom. I am a girl obsessed with time, and I’d trade in my soul for it to reverse, so I can make home a little more concrete, a little more happy, a little more lasting. I am a girl obsessed with time, and when I wake up 2:30 in the morning, I think I can see the sands rushing down the chute of the hourglass, and the sight of it tears me apart.

I am a girl obsessed with time, and I would like to apologize to my beloved mother, grandmother, and grandfather for taking so much of it for granted. If I had another run at these eighteen years, I only hope to reach this conclusion sooner and fulfill my promises.

Dear grandma and grandpa,

I am a girl obsessed with time. Every day, I pray to God to give you a little more. How had the time flown by so quickly? Was yesterday not the day you brought me on the airplane for the first time? I can still taste the juice of the grapes a stranger had given us—snacks for the little girl—in the back of my tongue. Yet now I’m no longer the toddler you held in your arms. Grandma and grandpa, time is rushing by on a train I cannot seem to catch. Will you forgive me for reaching our home a little too late?

Love.

(i included my favorite part in a creative narrative project i did for a class in college. if you want to hear it in my voice: here.) (pls don’t click for the sake of my voice bc i sound like a literal duck. click for my grandparents wandering around hangzhou.) (also, if it is different its cus i tried to fit it in somehow with a longer poem i was writing.) (i don’t like poems.)

The reason I wrote this isn't that I wanted to pick at a scab. I heard a song recently, from the same songwriter variety show, that I had blindsided a few months back. I heard it at around 1 am in the morning, and I cried.

Here is the collection of songs:

橘子 by 邓见超

考试考得好不好啊？ how did you do on your test? 有没有拿到大红花 did you get the big red flower? 老师夸我是个乖仔啊 my teacher said i was a good kid 奶奶自己保重圣体吧 grandma, take care of yourself 长大了出息了要晓得回家 when you grow older and do big things, remember to come home 别忘了这里的青山和路弯 don't forget the green mountains and windy roads here 记得要带一瓶辣椒在身上 remember to bring with you a bottle of peppers 还时常跟妈妈报平安 and often let your mom know you're doing fine ... 房子旁两棵树都被砍掉了 the two trees by our house have been cut off 墙上还贴着小时候的奖状 my childhood awards are still plastered on the walls 一个字一个字好像昨天啊 each word, each word, like it was just yesterday 宝贝儿子啊吃饭了 son, it's time for dinner 再不回家妈妈要教训你了 if you don't come home now, mom's going to be mad 这个淘气的孩子跑去那里玩了 this mischievous kid, where did he go? 找他都找不到人了 i'm looking for him, but i can't find him.

一荤一素 by 毛不易

一张小方桌有一荤一素 a small, square table with one vegetable and one meat 一个身影从容地忙忙碌碌 a figure good-naturedly bustling about ��双手让这时光有了温度 a pair of hands allowed this time some warmth 太年轻的人他总是不满足 the one who is too young, he's not satisfied 固执地不愿停下远行的脚步 stubbornly unwillingly to stop the footsteps traveling far away 望着高高的天走了长长的路 looking at the far, far sky; walking a long, long road 忘了回头看她有没有哭 he forgot to turn around to see if she's crying 月儿明风儿轻 >the moon is clear, the wind is light 可是你在敲打我的窗棂 is it you, knocking on my window? 听到这儿你就别担心 now that you've listened till here, please don't worry 其实我过的还可以 actually, i'm doing okay ... 你又可曾来过我的梦里 have you been to my dreams lately? 一定是你来时太小心 you must've been too careful when you came 知道我睡得轻 knowing that i sleep lightly 一定是你来时太小心 you must've been too careful when you came 怕我再想起你 afraid i'll miss you

父亲 by 筷子兄弟

时光时光慢些吧不要再让你变老了 time, time, please slow down. don't let you grow any older 我愿用我一切换你岁月长留<<br>i'm willing to trade everything i have for more years and months for you ... 微不足道的关心收下吧 please accept my inadequate care for you 谢谢你做的一切双手撑起我们的家 thank you for holding up our family with your hands 总是竭尽所有把最好的给我 always doing everything to give me the best ... 我是你的骄傲吗还在为我而担心吗 am i your pride? do you still worry for me? 你牵挂的孩子啊长大啦 the child you think of has grown up now.

时间都去哪了 by 王铮亮 (this is a cover)

时间都去哪儿了 where has all the time gone? 还没好好感受年轻就老了 haven't even truly experienced youth, and i'm already old 生儿养女一辈子 took care of children my entire lfe 满脑子都是孩子哭了笑了 all i can hear is the cries and laughter of children 时间都去哪儿了 where has all the time gone? 还没好好看看你眼睛就花了 haven't even looked at you carefully yet, and my vision is already blurring

if only... by ozi

如果可以把時間退後 if i can rewind time 別讓命運把妳給帶走 i won't let fate take you away 對妳能說著我最近做些什麼 i want to be able to tell you what i've been doing these days 希望別再錯過 i hope i won't miss it again 如果可以讓我跟她說 if only i can just tell her 願意付出我所有為了 i'm willing to trade everything i have 能換一點時間just to see you again for a little time just to see you again 別再擔心著我 so you don't have to worry about me anymore

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armyvetswife · 6 years ago

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My 2 cents worth on Kdramas

So, earlier this year (2018) my 12-year-old granddaughter turned me on to Kdramas.

Started out with 'Boys over Flowers' in January and we're still arguing about which one of the guys Jan-Di should have ended up with....Gu Jun-Pyo or Yoon Ji-Hoo. Since I'm a sucker for the whole Soul Mate thing (been married to my own soul mate for over 30 years) and Ji-Hoo became my favorite right from the start, I actually wasn't too happy with the way things turned out in the end.

But that's all beside the point and the only thing that matters is that it only took this one series to get me completely and absolutely "hooked" on Kdramas.

Since Kim Hyun Joong became my first favorite as Ji-Hoo, I started looking up other parts he starred in and came across 'Inspiring Generation'. Wow! What a difference! The character of Shin Jung-Tae is just about as opposite of Ji-Hoo as it can possibly get. But I guess that's what makes a truly great actor, and Kim Hyun Joong was simply amazing playing the part....even though it bothered me to see that handsome face getting beat up way too much.

But then it was also 'Inspiring Generation' where I found what would become my next favorite...Song Jae Rim, in the character of Mo Il-Hwa.

I can't quite pinpoint what it was that endeared me to that part, but of course I had to once again look for other Kdramas, featuring Song Jae Rim. And that's when I came across 'Moon embracing the Sun' with Song Jae Rim as the King's swordsman, Woon.

Absolutely loved Jae Rim in that part and still do, even after having watched the entire series about a dozen times by now. I also liked Song Jae Rim in 'Goodbye Mr. Black', even though his wasn't a main character role, but didn't care much for the part of a hitman/killer Mr. Kim he played in 'Two Weeks' since I really don't like my favs playing "bad guys". Of course, watching 'Two Weeks' made me find another new favorite...Lee Joon Gi

Okay, so I just said I don't like my favs playing "bad guys", but the main character, Jang Tae-San, isn't really a bad "bad guy" and if that story doesn't tear up your heart, then you better check if you still have one.

I actually had to do something I usually NEVER do...about half-way through the series I had to watch the final episode to see how it turns out, just so my old nerves could take watching the rest of the story. Yeah, I know...terrible, isn't it? Don't worry, I got more than an earful about it from my granddaughter, and I promise to never do it again! ;)

But while I thought that it could not possibly get any better than Lee Joon Gi's performance in 'Two Weeks', I quickly found out that I was wrong when I watched 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' next. OH, MY...!!! Not only is Joon Gi with long hair pure eye-candy (to me at least), but he absolutely nailed the part of Prince Wang So.

Ladies, how many of you were ready to strangle Wang So's mother with your bare hands. I definitely was! And what's the big deal about that scar? I guess it's because Princes had to be "perfect", but come on... Scars are just proof that you were stronger than whatever or whoever it was that tried to kill you. And apparently back then the phrase "chicks dig scars" was unheard of. And also apparently I'm not the only one who wasn't happy at all with the way the story ended, considering there are numerous fan videos on YouTube with different, happier endings. I got more than just a little upset with Hae Soo for leaving Wang So. How could she not see that he was trying his best to NOT become some blood-thirsty tyrant??

Anyway, after only about 3 days of some serious editing work, the final episode in my own DVD collection of 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' has a much happier ending now...many thanks to Daria Zyuzina who created the wonderful fan video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj0r9zE5Le8) where Wang So finds Hae Soo in the future. And like so many other fans, I'm also still hoping for a Season 2 with this kind of scenario.

On another note to 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo'... aside from the despicable character of Queen Yoo (Prince Wang So's mother, who treats him like s**t), my other least-favorite character is Prince Wang Yo (Wang So's biological brother, and also a son of Queen Yoo). However, while I hated the character, actor Hong Jong Hyun did an excellent job portraying the mean, spiteful, conniving 3rd Prince. But if you're like me, you would much more enjoy seeing Hong Jong Hyun in the role of Wang Rin in 'The King in Love'

or, even better, as Seo Chan Hwi, the vice-commander of the Royal Guard in 'Jeon Woo Chi'

(that is, if you can get into things like wizards and magic and tolerate some occasionally slightly over-done special effects of people flying through the air and such...BUT at least in 'Jeon Woo Chi' ONLY the wizards have that ability, unlike in some of the Chinese dramas where seemingly anybody can have such super-human abilities...if you ever watched 'General and I', you might understand what I'm talking about... I couldn't make it past a trailer that had a fight scene between Chu Beijie and He Xia, but that's just me, I guess).

As far as wizards and magic are concerned, however, I did very much enjoy the ones in 'Mirror of the Witch' aka 'Secret Healer' and my favorite character there ended up being the Taoist Yo Gwang, played by Lee Yi Kyung.

Don't ask me why, I just found him adorable (maybe because he was so awkward, dealing with the girl Soon Deuk who clearly has a crush on him). SPOILER ALERT -- 'Mirror of the Witch' has a rather bitter-sweet ending!

I want to get back to Lee Joon Gi for a moment since I just finished the 'Lawless Lawyer' series....which is an excellent nail-biter and I had to seriously restrain myself NOT TO watch the final episode first again. If you've seen it, tell me is it just me or did you think too that Joon Gi looked too skinny in that series? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying at all that he looked "bad" in any way and his performance was awesome as usual...I just felt that he looked like he'd lost a whole bunch of weight and "celebrity life" was taking its toll on him. Kind of worries me, because I would definitely like to see him in many more future performances.

I still have some Lee Joon Gi binge-watching left over for now, since the only other movies and series I made it through so far were 'Iljimae', 'Arang and the Magistrate', 'Gunman in Joseon' and of course 'The King and the Clown' (which was way too sad for my taste). But most likely 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' will always be my absolute favorite and I'll keep hoping for a 2nd season...even though that will probably just remain wishful thinking for myself and many others, but we can always hope, right?

Some of my other favs I’d like to mention would be Kwak Dong Yeon as swordsman Kim Byung-Yeon in 'Moonlight drawn by Clouds' aka 'Love in the Moonlight'

and he also played an excellent part as young Shin Jung-Tae in 'Inspiring Generation'.

Then there is Seo In Guk for his outstanding performances as Prince Gwang-Hae in 'The King's Face'

and also as Lee Hyun / David Lee in 'I Remember You' aka 'Hello Monster'.

An excellent yet unfortunately somewhat overlooked performance of Kim Jae Young as Moo-Yeon in ‘100 Days my Prince’

And last (for now) but certainly not least is Jung Il Woo whose sad role as Prince Yang-Myung in 'Moon embracing the Sun' cost me plenty of tissues,

but required even more of them in 'The Return of Iljimae' (even though it has a happier ending for Jung Il Woo’s character)

I'll probably get "yelled at" for saying this, but I honestly have a hard time deciding whom I liked better...Lee Joon Gi as Iljimae in 'Iljimae: The Phantom Thief', or Jung Il Woo as Iljimae in 'The Return of Iljimae'. (Sorry, Joon Gi, but be assured that you'll still always be my #1 fav).

So, thanks to my granddaughter, back to some more binge-watching...hey, I got to blame someone else for things not getting done around the house, right? ;)

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