#cw: walburga black

[livingforcoopsandoknutzy]

⚠️CONTENT WARNINGS ARE IN THE TAGS PLS READ⚠️

link to fic on ao3

☆☆☆

Remus Lupin has been best friends with James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans since Year 5. He’s been friends with Sirius Black even longer. When he turned five his family moved from their old house in Merthyr Mawr, Wales to a new one in Yorkshire, England. It was nothing extravagant but enough to get by for the three of them. He was just old enough to join Alexander’s All Boys School. It was a private school that held Years 1 through 13. His family definitely couldn’t afford the tuition but his father taught history there so they got a rather hefty scholarship.

Remus had never been more excited about anything in his life. He was practically vibrating and Hope couldn’t help but laugh at her young son’s excitement. Lyall just shook his head fondly and gently reminded him that he needed to calm down so Hope could help him get ready or they’d be late. Remus pulled a distraught face before shaking himself and giving his mother a rather determined look, well as determined as a five year old could be. “Iawn, iawn.” Hope clicked her tongue and shook her head.

“Remember, cariad, no Welsh at school. Otherwise they won’t be able to understand you. Try your best to speak English.” Remus nodded vigorously. “I know, sorry. Got excited.” Hope smiled affectionately and ruffled her son’s hair who let out a distraught sound at the move. “Na, mam.” Hope tutted at the Welsh but put her hands up in surrender. “Alright, little man, I’m sorry. You’re all ready. Did you make sure to pack everything?” Remus nodded and jumped up to grab his backpack. “Backpack.” Lyall laughed and nodded. “Alright, buddy, let’s get in the car then.”

Lyall had to ask Remus to stop moving six times before he settled enough for Lyall to buckle him into the carseat. Hope kissed him on the forehead, cheek, and nose before Remus leaned away giggling. “Mam, na!” Hope chuckled and gave him one last kiss on his forehead. “I hope you have a great day at school. I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it.” Remus smiled and nodded, his small hands coming to grab her cheeks so he could smack a kiss to her cheek. Hope squeezed his hand before letting it go and waving as her boys drove away.

Remus was undoubtedly excited. That much was clear in the first five minutes of him being in Mrs. Barlowe’s class. She was glad that he was one of the excited kids. The ones that didn’t want to be there were typically the problem. Kids such as Sirius Black. Their family were very important to the school and to be quite frank they were as snobby as they were rich, which was truly saying something. She wasn’t quite sure what to expect of the young boy. Sufficient to say he was quite whiny and quite stuck up. Determined to speak only in French because apparently it made him much better than the other boys. Much smatter, apparently. At least that’s what his mother had told him.

When Remus walked in and took the seat next to him, nearly bouncing in his seat, Sirius had simply glared and stayed silent. Remus had ignored it and eagerly introduced himself. Mrs. Barlowe winced as she listened to Sirius let out a harsh breath. “Ne me parle pas.” Remus gasped and Mrs. Barlowe got ready to step between them as she had had to do between Sirius and a lot of the boys. He was a very… unfriendly sort. “I can speak another language too!” Remus squeaked. Sirius made an outraged sound and pouted. “No you can’t.” Mrs. Barlowe’s eyebrows raised as she listened to the boy finally speak English.

Remus giggled. “Course I can, silly. I can’t lie. That’s bad.” Sirius watched him pensively. “Prove it.” He demanded. Remus looked at him funny and shook his head. “Mam said I can’t. Have to speak English.” Sirius laughed at him and Remus frowned. Mrs. Barlowe sighed deeply. “You’re lying. You only know English.” Remus shook his head, his little eyebrows furrowed. “No. I speak Welsh, Mam just told me not too.” Sirius patted his head condescendingly and smiled smugly. “D’accord, petit menteur.”

Sirius went back to drawing. Rather well for a five year old, Mrs. Barlowe couldn’t help but think. Remus let out a frustrated grunt. “Na. Dwi'n siarad cymraeg. Rydych chi'n bod yn gymedrol. Dydw i ddim yn hoffi chi.” Mrs. Barlowe stifled a laugh when she saw Sirius’s perplexed expression. Suddenly his eyes narrow. “That’s not a real language. You’re making things up. Petit menteur.” Remus let out a sound startlingly like a squawk. “W-But- No. I proved it! You can’t call me a liar just because you don’t believe me!”

Gray eyes met and amber. Defiance clear in both before Sirius’s hand shot up. He hadn’t broken eye contact. Mrs. Barlowe let out a sigh and counted to five before she made her way over. Sometimes she really questions herself as to why she thought teaching a whole bunch of five year olds was a smart choice.

“Yes, Sirius.” Sirius finally broke eye contact with Remus when she reached them. “Is Welsh a real thing?” Mrs. Barlowe’s eyebrows raised. “The language? Yes.” Sirius nodded and Remus looked at him with a see? expression. Sirius huffed before giving Remus a contemplative look. Eventually, Sirius nodded firmly. “Okay, you can be my friend then. I guess we are equal.” Remus beamed at him before turning his bright smile to Mrs. Barlowe. “We’re friends.” Mrs. Barlowe gave an impressed nod. “It looks that way. Now you just have to make sure he is nice to other people too.” Remus looked between her and Sirius before nodding firmly. “I will.”

And so he did.

_________________________________________

Remus and Sirius became a THING after that day. You never really found one without the other. When you did, it meant trouble. Their teachers knew better than to sit them anywhere near each other after the first day of school. By the time they reached Year 5 they were notorious for their pranks and silent conversations. Most of them were under the impression that Remus followed Sirius around like a lost puppy but they had it completely wrong.

Sirius didn’t quite know what to do without Remus. He had changed a lot over the years. He had to unlearn a lot of what his parents had taught him about people ‘lesser’ than him. Remus had been there to help him every step of the way. Sirius was a lot more outgoing than he was and Remus was a little quieter than he used to be. Four years of having the boys at their school talk down to him took away most of the excitement that was there at the beginning.

When they got into Year 5 they met James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. The four of them bonded almost immediately when someone made a remark on Remus’s second hand book and James immediately hit the kid with his own book before telling the kid that had been a very rude thing to say. Peter had shown more of a silent support by slipping into the chair on the other side of him, the one not taken up by Sirius, and getting his own second hand book out. Sirius had immediately approved of them and it was finalized when James had mentioned something about pranking the boy back. Sirius and Remus had shared a smile that was full of hidden words and that was that.

The Marauders were born.

☆☆☆

Lily Evans moved into the house next to Remus a week after the first day of school. He had spent the week with James, Peter, and Sirius. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his new friends and Sirius practically lived at his house so that was already expected.

Sirius had just left when someone knocked on the Lupin’s door. Remus went to open the door, assuming it was Sirius coming back for something he forgot. It was not Sirius. Instead, a girl around his age stood at the door holding a rather gross looking pie. She smiled brightly when he opened the door.

“Hello, I’m Lily Evans. My mother and I just moved in next door so I thought I’d bake something for the neighbors. I have a feeling we’ll be best friends. I’m very excited to have someone my age living so close because I didn’t have anyone at my Dad’s house that was even close to my age.” Remus liked this girl. She talked a lot and she reminded him a bit of Sirius. He took the pie from her and waved her in. “Well, Lily Evans, I am Remus Lupin. I am very excited to meet you and I think we will be very good friends.”

Lily nodded firmly. “I can predict the future so I can definitely tell you we will be friends.” Remus laughed at that and went to answer but his mouth beat him to it. “I do believe everyone should have a friend that can see the future. My name’s Hope, I’m Remus’s mother. You’re our new neighbor, right?” Lily nodded and bit her lip shyly. Remus found her sudden switch up rather amusing.

“I’m Lily. I brought a pie over.” Hope nodded and moved from her spot in the door frame to leave. “We appreciate it, dear. Let your parents know I appreciate it.” Lily winced slightly but nodded nonetheless. Remus made a mental note to tell his mum that Lily only lives with her mum.

Remus went and pulled out two forks. “Care to share some pie?” Lily scoffed. “Aren’t you supposed to eat it yourself?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you don’t want any pie? I can definitely eat it all but I just thought you’d want some.” Lily seemed to debate something for a moment before she shrugged and took a fork. “Alright, but you offered.”

They each got a piece of the pie and Remus tried to hide the grimace after the first bite. “Mmm.” He said rather unconvincingly as he tried to think of a way to spit the bite out without making Lily feel bad. Lilt took a bite and immediately started laughing. “Oh my god. I thought Tunie was joking when she said this tasted like death. This is so bad.” Remus shook his head. “No, it’s good.” He said weakly. Lily laughed even harder and shook her head.

“Oh, my god. Don’t lie, Remus. That’s horrid.” Remus threw his head back and joined in laughing. “It’s quite bad.” Lily nodded. “I should have mentioned I’m not the best baker.” Remus shook his head, already feeling quite fond of the girl. “It’s alright. Who’s Tunie?” Lily’s face faltered for a moment before she regained control of her smile. “That’s my sister, Petunia. She’s a few years older than me. She lives with my dad but she’s helping my mum and I unpack.”

Remus nodded. “I don’t have any siblings. I always wished I did. I’ve always wanted a sister.” Lily makes a face and shakes her head. “Trust me they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” Remus pursed his lips as he thought. “That’s fair. I just want someone who would listen to my music with me, I guess. Doesn’t really matter if it's a sister or brother.”

Lily made a face of approval. “What music do you listen to?” Remus hesitated. The boys all laugh at him when he mentions his love of Taylor Swift. Well, everyone except Sirius. He figures she won’t judge him too much.

“I quite enjoy Taylor Swift.” Lily claps her hands excitedly. “Remus Lupin, I love you! I knew this was going to be a great friendship. I LOVE Taylor Swift.”

And thus another friendship began.

Combining his friends proved easy. Lily had fit seamlessly into their little group of friends. She had come over one night with snacks in hopes that Remus was free. Hope had opened the door and welcomed her in but she quickly realized that Remus was in fact being tackled but three other boys. She knew of them of course but she had yet to meet them. She had stomped her way into the living room and wacked each of the boys on the head with a book she had picked up on the way in. “Move your arses, Wheel of Fortune is on.” None of the boys had questioned her and she had been welcomed into the group after that. The boys were all slightly scared of her but she figured that was a good thing.

_________________________________________

When Remus turned thirteen he started getting sick. Unsurprisingly, it was Sirius that first noticed it. Sirius was over at his house for their weekly Friday night movie. Sirius had been spending more time with Remus and his family and Remus was growing increasingly more worried every time he showed up with faint bruises up and down his arms.

Sirius always brushed it off but Remus had a pretty good feeling he knew how Sirius was getting them. Especially when Sirius started bringing his brother Regulus to their hangouts. Regulus more often than not had identical bruises but he wouldn’t talk about it either.

They were about halfway through Captain America when Sirius noticed Remus’s bobbing head. Remus never fell asleep during Friday night movies. Especially, when it was Marvel. When Remus’s head fell on his shoulder, he left it there and let his friend sleep through the rest of the movie. Once the end credits started rolling, he gently shook Remus until he woke up.

“Beth sy’n digwydd?” Remus slurred. He had barely managed to sit up before he slumped against Sirius again. Sirius’s eyebrows furrowed and he moved to run a hand through Remus’s hair. “English, chéri.” Remus made a faint sound before sitting up again, much slower than the first time. “Are you alright?” Sirius asked softly as he ran his hand through Remus’s hair again.

Remus sat still for a moment then turned to look back up. “Fine, just tired. Got a bit dizzy.” Sirius frowned and felt Remus’s forehead with the back of his hand. “No fever. Have you been feeling bad for long?” Remus shrugged which did nothing to quell the ever growing concern Sirius was feeling. “It’s been on and off. I guess I just over did it.” Remus murmured as he took a deep breath. “When did it start?” Sirius asked as he cupped Remus’s cheek and slid his thumb under his eye. Remus leaned into the feeling.

“I’m not sure. It’s not that bad honestly.” Sirius huffed a little before he released Remus and placed his hands in his lap. “Alright. I need you to let me know if it gets worse, okay? I mean it. None of your bothering people business. You won’t bother me.” Remus smiled softly and nodded, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as he yawned. “Okay, I promise. I am pretty tired though so I think I’m going to go to sleep. Are you staying?” Sirius shook his head slowly. “I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.” He murmured.

Truthfully, there is nothing he would rather do than stay at the Lupin’s. They always welcomed him with warm smiles and open arms. Nothing like the cold looks and harsh hands of his own parents.

Remus scoffed. He would never admit it but Sirius made him feel safe. He made him feel uncomfortable in the best way, his stomach always fluttered. Lily called it a crush and said there was no way someone could relate to so many Taylor Swift songs and not have a crush but Remus knew better. He was just really close to Sirius. That was all, Lily just didn’t have a bond with anyone that was like the one he had with Sirius.

“Like you could ever overstay your welcome. I’m fairly certain my mam has forgotten you’re not actually her child.” Sirius let out a laugh. He really did love Hope, she was the kindest woman he had ever met. “Only if you’re sure.” Sirius really hoped he was. Remus gave him an exasperated look before he grabbed Sirius’s hand, ignoring the tug in his chest, and pulled him up the stairs. “I am very sure. Now let your parents know and come on.”

Sirius didn’t bother telling his parents, they wouldn’t care. He sent a quick text to his brother before turning his phone off and joining Remus in his too small bed.

☆☆☆

Remus seemed to get progressively worse after that. Bad enough that Peter, James, and Lily had all tried to breach the topic.

They were all walking to Remus’s house after school one day, the walk only took about ten minutes but Remus had had to stop twice to catch his breath. He was looking progressively more annoyed by the fact but all of his friends were feeling rather worried.

Eventually, when he had to stop a third time within about twenty feet of his house, Sirius had stood in front of him and waved their friends along with the promise that they would catch up in a moment. There were a few shared looks but no one protested.

Remus sat down rather abruptly and Sirius kneeled in front of him, bracing his hands on Remus’s thighs. “Alright, chéri, what’s going on?” Remus continued breathing heavily and rested his head on Sirius’s chest, a wave of relief washing over him when Sirius brought one hand to hold the back of his head. It made him feel safe which was hard with the anxiety running through him. His chest burned and he was fighting a strange floaty feeling and everything was just off.

“Can’t,” He paused again to take another deep breath. “Can’t breathe very well.” He said softly. A shiver ran down Sirius’s spine and his grip tightened on Remus’s thigh. “What do you mean?” Sirius asked softly. His heart was racing and he was dreading the answer.

He didn’t get one because all Remus was able to get out was a small whisper, dizzy, before he slumped completely onto Sirius.

Sirius was screaming for Hope in seconds.

☆☆☆

They found out that day that Remus had a very severe form of Anemia.

Hope had sat them down that night while Remus was sleeping and told them that Remus may have a little trouble keeping up when they were doing outdoor activities and even indoor ones. She told them that he’ll probably get dizzy more often and he’ll get tired much easier than before. She told them that he’ll need to be careful from now on but he’ll be fine. She had to explain that it’s something he’ll have to live with and there isn’t a solid cure yet.

Lily, James, and Peter had lots of questions. She was glad to answer them and quite honestly relieved that it hadn’t sent any of them running. She hadn’t expected it would but she was glad to have the proof anyway. Sirius sat silently through the whole ordeal and stared down at his hands. She didn’t miss the way James pressed against his side and she couldn’t help but thank the gods for the friend group her son had found. Not only were they wonderful to her son but they were wonderful to each other. It was rare to find that, especially to find it so young. She didn’t have a doubt that they were going to truly be friends forever.

After she had taken everyone home she got back to hers and smiled at Sirius. He looked tired and his eyes were red rimmed. He had sat in the hospital with them all day and she didn’t doubt he was tired. “I just wanted to make sure that it was okay for me to stay before I went to Re’s room.” He said quietly. She sat down next to him on the couch and held out an arm. He immediately collapsed into her side. She pressed a kiss to his hair and rested her cheek on his head.

“Course it’s okay, cariad.” She felt more than heard Sirius’s breath hitch. She wrapped her arm around him more firmly and didn’t mention anything when she felt the warm tears on her shirt. “He’s going to be okay, right?” Hope nodded and ran her hand up and down his arm comfortingly. “I promise he will. This isn’t something that is going to make his life miserable, Sirius. He’s going to be okay and he’ll be able to do the things he used to. He just has to be a bit more cautious now. He’s going to be just fine.” Sirius nodded and they sat in silence for a while, both of them basking in comfort.

Eventually, Sirius pulled away and wiped his eyes. He gave Hope a watery smile and hugged her. Hope pulled away and placed one last kiss on his forehead. “I hope you know that we love you so much Sirius. Not just because you’re such a great friend to Re. We love you because you are such a brilliant young man. We’re so proud of you and how much you’ve grown. We will always be here for you just as much as we are for Remus. That means you can tell us anything.” Hope looked at him firmly and Sirius couldn’t tell if he should feel dread or relief. She must know, or at least she knows something. “We want nothing more for you boys to be happy and safe. I want you to always remember that.”

Sirius would remember that talk for years to come.

_________________________________________

When Remus turned fourteen things started to make sense. It took about two months to really come to terms with the fact that he was gay. The fact that he liked guys. It only took a week to realize he liked Sirius.

He realized that it wasn't just his and Sirius’s bond that made him stare. It wasn’t their friendship that made his stomach a jumbled mess. Butterflies, as Lily put it. He realized that friends don’t look at friends the way he looks at Sirius. He and Lily listened to a lot of Taylor Swift while he tried to figure it out.

You Belong With Me and Everything Has Changed was played a lot.

Lily was brilliant and he loved her a lot. They weren’t as close as he and Sirius were but she was the closest thing he’s ever had to having a sister. She’s not afraid to take the piss and she’s blunt enough that it makes Remus consider just about everything she says seriously.

Telling the boys wasn’t hard. He wasn’t scared that they would leave him. They were all way too far into this friendship to let Remus being gay ruin it. He was a little more nervous to tell Sirius but it had nothing to do with being accepted or not and everything to do with the fact that he liked Sirius a lot.

The boys all hugged him tightly when he told them. They reminded him that they loved him no matter what and that there was nothing that he could do to make them love him any less. Remus was once again struck with the thought that he had the best friends he could ever imagine. There was nothing about any of them that he would change. He loved them so much.

He loved how James was so unapologetically himself. He loved how strongly James loved people and how loyal he stayed when he decided that you had deserved his loyalty. He loved how James wasn’t afraid to tell people off if they were bothering any of his friends. He loved how James always made sure he was feeling good and drinking enough water and making sure Remus never pushed himself too hard. He loved James a lot.

He loved how Peter was always there to listen to him if he needed someone to talk to. He loved how Peter wasn’t afraid to smack them if they were being stupid. He loved that Peter was always willing to talk about books with him and never once judged him or called him a bookworm. He loved that Peter was always ready for a game of chess and never made fun of Remus when he lost. He loved everything about Peter.

He loved how Sirius never let him feel alone. He loved how physically affectionate Sirius was and how he was always always in Remus’s corner. He loved how Sirius would let him braid his hair when he was feeling anxious or shaky. He loved how Sirius would always keep an eye out for him when they were doing something as a group. He loved how Sirius would look at him when something funny happened or when he made a joke. He loved how much Sirius loved Hope and Lyall. He loved Sirius.

He loved Sirius.

Well fuck.

☆☆☆

Remus spent the next five years silently pining. His friends would send him sad glances or worried looks every time Sirius voiced his most recent crush. Remus would just wave them off. Sure, it hurt but he knew there was something there. He just had to be patient. And if nothing ever came from it…

Well at least he still had Sirius in some way.

_________________________________________

Everything came to a head on the day of Sirius’s 19th birthday. They had a surprise party ready at Remus’s house. There was Remus, Lily, James, and Peter, but there were also a few of their other friends who had managed to wiggle their way into their friend group through the years: Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Alice, and Frank.

They had planned the party for 5 pm. They had told Sirius they were going to have a study group. He had complained about having a study group on his birthday but Remus and Lily had just rolled their eyes and told him to grin and bear it. They had put on a rather convincing performance.

Which is why they were all concerned when 5 rolled around and Sirius wasn’t there. 6, 7, and 8 came and passed without a word. Eventually, it was only the original four left. Hope was sitting in the kitchen with them as Remus paced and the others sat at the table. James had eventually made him sit down when his breathing started getting too short.

It wasn’t until 10 that James got a message from Regulus saying that Sirius was sorry but he couldn’t make it. It left everyone with an uneasy feeling but they started filtering out one at a time until it was just Hope and Remus left. Remus stayed sitting at the table with his eyes fixed on the front door. Hope sighed and kissed his head as she walked to her room. She didn’t think it was worth it to try and fight with him to get him in bed. He wasn’t going to when he was worried about Sirius.

So, Remus stayed there. He sat silently staring at the door and listened to the rain that had started to fall a little after 11. Remus’s eyes were trying their best to close but he just kept pinching himself until he wasn’t on the brink of sleep.

It was a quarter til 1 when there was a knock at the door. Remus was up in seconds, pushing past the dizziness and yanking the door open.

Sirius was standing there shaking like a leaf on the porch. He was drenched from the rain and his teeth were chattering. His lip was busted and his eye was swollen. He had a dark red patch on his cheek that Remus had no doubt would bruise. He was holding his arm weird and Remus could tell his breath was hitching. Remus felt his own eyes start watering.

“Oh, fy nghariad. Come here.” He whispered and he held his arms out to his friend. Sirius was in his arms sobbing in seconds. Remus walked them backwards slowly so he could pull him into the room and shut the door. Sirius was leaning completely on Remus and Remus sat them both gently on the floor, being mindful of Sirius’s arm.

Remus wrapped his arms around him and pulled Sirius closer to his chest. Sirius hid his face in Remus’s neck while Remus rocked them slowly. “They w-wouldn’t leave me a- I couldn’t- S-She- Remus.” Remus shushed him softly and kissed his temple. “You’re okay, fy nghariad. You can explain later but right now you’re here, you’re safe. I promise. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Love you too much for that.”

When Sirius had calmed down enough to stop choking on his sobs, Remus led him quietly to the bathroom. He helped Sirius sit on the counter and opened the cabinet next to him. He pulled out the first aid kit and some bruise balm that he bought specifically for Sirius. He wanted to be prepared if the time ever did come. He was glad he did.

He got everything together and grabbed a wipe and ran it under warm water before pressing it gently to Sirius’s lip. He looked at Sirius apologetically when he winced at the pressure. “I know, I’m sorry.” He handed Sirius the wipe and made sure he was applying pressure before he moved on to the bruise balm. He stepped between Sirius’s legs and rubbed his thumb gently under his slightly swollen eye. When he finished he leaned forward to rest their foreheads together.

He lets his eyes fall closed and listens to the soft sigh that Sirius lets out. “Maddeu i mi.” Remus said weakly before moving back slightly and lowering Sirius’s hand so he could grab both of them. “You need help, fy nghariad.” Sirius took a shuddering breath but he didn’t interrupt. Remus took that as a good sign. “You can’t just keep going back, Siri. This is bad. You can stay here o-or with James. Just somewhere safe.” Remus was a little embarrassed to say there were tears on his face now. He loved Sirius so much and he didn’t deserve anything this life gave him.

Sirius stares at him for a moment as if he can’t figure something out. He brings his hand up to Remus’s face slowly and wipes the tears that are falling. Remus leans into the touch and closes his eyes. He kisses Sirius’s palm lightly and Sirius just watches him.

Sirius doesn’t quite understand how Remus can love him and care for him so freely. He doesn’t ever want anything from him. He doesn’t expect anything from Sirius. Not like his mother and father do. Not like all the people at school. He doesn’t have to be fake with Remus because Remus never gave him a chance to. He loved him when he was a brat of a child. He loved him when he was trying to sort through what he was taught growing up. He loved him when Sirius felt like no one ever did.

He’s always loved Remus. It’s never been a question. Always and forever, unconditionally.

He loves how forgiving Remus is, how understanding. He loves how Remus’s eyes light up when he talks about something he’s excited about. He loves how Remus snorts when he finds something really funny. He loves the embarrassed look he gets after. He loves how Remus always looks at him softly but never underestimates him. He loves how Remus takes Sirius’s need for physical affection so seriously, never once pushing him away. He loves how Remus looks at him when they’re in a crowded room. He loves how Remus always smiles when he sees Sirius as if he can’t help it.

He loves everything about Remus. He just loves Remus.

And, oh. Oh. He loves Remus.

He thinks he may remember this moment forever because how could he have not noticed that he was in love with his best friend. He’s known him for fifteen years and who knows how long he’s been in love with him. It could have been-

“Sirius?” Remus asked softly, and god has he always sounded so soft? “Siri, are you okay?” Somehow they've made their way to Remus's bedroom. Remus bends down slightly to catch Sirius’s eye. Sirius doesn’t think he really has to try. He doesn’t know how to look at anything other than Remus. Remus, who smiles uncertainty at him. “You with me, fy nghariad?” Sirius nods, unblinking. He let's Remus guide them to the bed until they're both laying down facing one another.

“What does that mean?” Sirius asked, his voice trembles slightly and he hates himself for it when Remus frowns. “That’s not important. You left for a moment, where’d you go?” He questions as he runs his fingers through Sirius’s rain matted hair. Sirius leans into the touch and feels his cheeks head when Remus smiles fondly at him. “Just had a bit of a revelation?” Remus huffs a laugh. “Oh, really?” His face falls into something more serious. “About leaving?”

Sirius looks down for a second before meeting his eyes again. “I don’t know yet.” Remus nods at that and leans into Sirius again. Sirius gladly welcomes the embrace and pressed a kiss to Remus’s temple when Remus rests his head on his chest. “I love you.” He says tenderly. Remus smiles happily and squeezes his hand a little. “Love you too, S.”

It’s not as hard as Sirius would have thought it to be when he shakes his head. “Non, je t'aime. Tu es plus que mon meilleur ami Remus, tu es tout pour moi.” Remus is watching him closely, there’s a furrow between his eyebrows that Sirius finds endearing. “English, fy nghariad.” Sirius chuckles. “Hypocrite. I love you,” He raises his hand to cup Remus’s cheek. He can tell Remus is catching on because he’s gone deathly still but his eyes are still soft. “You’re more than my best friend, Re. You’re everything to me.” Sirius lets his gaze fall to Remus’s lips as he says the next word. “Everything.”

There’s a moment of silence but Sirius doesn’t freak out. He’s not nervous. He thinks he should be but he isn’t. “Holy fuck,” Remus says softly and Sirius can’t help but let out a startled laugh. An affectionate smile taking over his freckled face. “It took you long enough, huh?” Sirius lets out a wet laugh and pushes his shoulder gently. Remus only moves closer. “I’ve loved you since I was fourteen.”

Sirius didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore. A comfortable silence settles over them. “What does fy nghariad.” Normally Remus would laugh at his terrible pronunciation but he just runs his hand down Sirius’s neck and hides his smile in the pillow. His voice is slightly muffled when he speaks.

“My love.”

[lulublack90]

Prompt 3 - Boggart

@jegulus-microfic July 3, Word count 527

CW - Dead bodies but they're not real.

Regulus cowered on the floor. His entire body was shaking as he looked in horror at what lay before him. James’s body, dead on the floor. 

He held his wand tightly, a sob escaping his lips. 

“R-r-riddikulus,” He stuttered and James’s body disappeared, replaced by Sirius’s. “No!” He wailed he couldn’t think of anything to make either of his worst fears funny. “Riddikulus!” He screamed at the boggart. It spun into a blur, Sirius’s body disappearing like James’s did. He couldn’t see where it had gone, or what it was. 

A creak in the shadows alerted him that this time the boggart was something that moved. He squinted into the gloomy corner and it took a step. He’d recognise the sound of those heels anywhere. 

He pushed himself as far into the wall as he could as Walburga Black strode towards him. 

“Regulus Arcturus Black, how dare you bring dishonour to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black?! You are a disappointment. Even Sirius wasn’t this much of a letdown. We should have kept him and thrown you out instead. Hmmm, perhaps I’ll do to you what I did to him. Perhaps then you’ll be half the heir Sirius was.” He watched as she raised her wand. “Crucio!”

“Riddikulus!” He bellowed just before she finished the spell. The boggart swirled above him again, but before it could take the form of his next fear, Barty came bursting in. He jumped in front of Regulus and the boggart locked onto him. 

Barty Crouch Sr materialised in front of them. But before the boggart Crouch could even open his mouth to hurl abuse at him, Barty lazily drawled out.

“Riddikulus,” Boggart Crouch was suddenly dressed in Azkaban robes and Barty let out a truly manic laugh as the boggart exploded before them. 

“Thanks,” Regulus croaked, as he wiped the tears and snot from his face. It had been a long time since he’d allowed himself to think about James or his brother and it had felt like someone had dropped an overflowing cauldron on his chest. 

He stormed out of the room and apparated to the flat he kept in London that no one knew about. He allowed himself one hour only to think about them. The last time he’d glimpsed James he’d been walking down the street holding Lily Evans's hand and it had broken his heart all over again. He shook his head and thought of their time together in secret at Hogwarts. Even Sirius hadn’t known. He wondered if James had told him now. 

He ducked under his bed and pried up the floorboard. He took out the only item hidden in the gap beneath. He looked at the photograph. The only proof that James Potter had been his. He smiled as the sixteen-year-old Regulus snuggled closer to seventeen-year-old James as they lay cuddling together on James’s dorm room bed, James pressing a kiss to his lips before the magic reset the photo’s movements.

“I’ll always love you,” He whispered to it as he laid back in his bed, placing the photo on the pillow beside him and letting his bittersweet memories flood his mind. 

[lupinuslilium]

Wolfstar Oneshot! ~ 1.9k words

Modern AU, the marauders are university students on holiday. Background Jegulus (no one knows), pining Sirius, oblivious Remus.

CW: negative self-talk, homophobia, references to physical and emotional abuse.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sirius looked up as Remus closed the door behind him. He swallowed down the sharp retort already crawling it’s way out of his throat, internally chastising himself for his irritation at the concern in his friends eyes.

He sighed and threw his phone to the side, stretching out his limbs. He had been lying on the comfortable guest bed, scrolling mindlessly. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t even really want to think. Down the hall, his brother was sleeping in the room beside James’— Sirius’ room— he had to keep reminding himself. His room, after he had shown up at the Potters weeks earlier. Regulus slept in his room, bruised in the same way Sirius had been and refusing to talk about it.

He finally looked at Remus who was sat on the edge of the bed, studying him as if he was a complicated bomb he had been sent to diffuse. Sirius supposed it might be true, James certainly wasn’t here attempting this conversation. Not after the argument that had ensued upon Regulus’ arrival. He was embarrassed by the cruel things he had said to James in anger, in anger and panic and misplaced jealousy. He always reacted without thinking, always jumped to the worst conclusion. Then the guilt came and he’d avoid thinking about the apologies he owed. Sirius steeled himself and met Remus’ eyes, eyes that were so annoyingly big and brown and concerned for him. He managed what he thought was a rather diplomatic,

“No, not particularly”

The corner of Remus’ mouth turned up. That fucking crooked smile that made Sirius forget why he was sulking. The smug bastard. He readied himself for another argument, prepared himself for Remus to push him, for him to say everything Sirius didn’t want to hear. Instead Remus said,

“Okay, do you want to watch a film then?”

God Bless Remus Lupin. He nodded and reached down to the floor beside the bed to grab his laptop. Remus batted him on the shoulder to shuffle over and made himself comfortable beside him while Sirius opened Netflix. They fell into an easy silence, broken only by the sounds of Mr. Potter doing the washing up downstairs and a breeze slipping through the cracked window. Sirius scrolled through their movie options.

“Oh I’ve heard this is good, have you seen it?” Sirius asked as his mouse hovered over a thriller.

“That looks absolutely terrible” Remus scowled at the screen

“What! No it doesn’t. Look, it’s got Jake Gyllenhaal, you love him.”

“I do not love Jake Gyllenhaal, why would you think I love Jake Gyllenhaal?”

“You love his big blue eyes.” Sirius smirked to himself.

“Oh yeah, how could I forget. I love his big blue eyes almost as much as I love it when you shut the fuck up and pick a film”

Sirius chuckled. Something that had been coiled tightly in his chest was unfurling, he hadn’t even noticed how stiffly he was holding his shoulders until he was teasing Remus. He replied,

“We’re watching this one because I’m the one in emotional distress and you’ll only want to watch something entirely depressing or The Lord of The Rings and I’m not in the mood”

“Fine” Remus sighed while Sirius clicked play. He stole a glance at that crooked smirk and suddenly became aware of Remus lying on the bed mere inches away, his head angled toward him to see the screen, the soft orange light from the bedside lamp glowing through the mess of brown hair atop the other boys head. He turned his attention firmly back to the screen and they settled into the film, which Sirius conceded wouldn’t win Jake any awards (though he of course didn’t voice this opinion). He was actually feeling quite calm, interested in the film, though distracted by Remus’ ankle sometimes brushing up against his when-

“It’s not your fault you know” Remus said about twenty minutes in.

Sirius hit the space bar with more force than was necessary.

“I thought we had established that I didn’t want to talk about this?”

“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m not even talking to you, just you know, speaking to the room at large.”

“Well, shut up”

“You don’t even have to listen, I actually would prefer if you’d mind your own business. I’m just choosing to say out loud, to anyone who might be interested and would like to know, that what happened to Regulus is no one’s fault but his parents”

Anger flared in Sirius as he turned his head to the left and was met with warm brown eyes. Remus held his stare, unflinching stubbornness written all over his features. Fuck you, Sirius thought, Fuck you for your comically long eyelashes, fuck you for trying to make me feel better, and fuck you for knowing that I’m going to take the bait.

In little more than a whisper and without breaking his stare, Sirius said, “We don’t even know what happened. Because Regulus won’t say, and because I left him there. I knew what they were capable of and I left him there. So yeah, it is my fault, at least partially.”

Remus’ eyes softened a bit and Sirius hated himself. The boy in front of him was all shades of gold. Like the hour before sunset, when everything is so still and warm and heartbreaking that it almost hurts to look at. Remus almost hurt to look at. He was his friend, his best friend, and after James Sirius didn’t think he was allowed any more best friends. Whatever higher power had granted him James Potter, Sirius didn’t know but he had spent everyday since in a perpetual state of gratitude. Then he was granted Remus Lupin and he knew he didn’t deserve him, yet he still looked at him and wanted. He was selfish, impulsive, aloof on his good days and cruel on his bad. Still, James and Remus and all of his friends gave him their patience and empathy and love. Suddenly he felt close to tears.

Before he could turn away, Remus replied, “You had no choice Pads, you know that. He wouldn’t leave with you, and you had to get out of there. You can’t protect him from everything and you can’t make his decisions. He’s safe now and you’re safe now. That’s it. There’s no blame to be ha—“

“Then why did he call James?” The question that had been eating at Sirius all day.

Regulus was his brother. It had always been them surviving in that household, looking out for each other. Looking out for each other even when they stopped really talking to each other. Sirius had always taken the brunt of his parents’ cruelty to protect Regulus, and then when Regulus needed help, when he needed somewhere to go..

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat “Why would he call James and not me? If he doesn’t blame me, why would he call James”

“Sirius…” Remus began but he was too overwhelmed to listen. Regulus was always his to protect, no one else would. It was one of the first things he had learned and though he knew it was irrational, knew that they were adults, that Regulus made his own choices, deep down he still felt that anything that happened to Regulus was because of him. His mother had instilled that in him.

And suddenly he became overwhelmed by the proximity of Remus. By his smell and his stupid eyelashes and his stupid nose and his stupid hoodie that was perfectly soft and somehow too big for the giant fucker and his smart-ass mouth that pissed him off but still somehow always said the right thing. And he was overwhelmed by his mother’s voice in his head telling him that he was a fuckup and an idiot. Telling him he was disgusting, telling him to stop acting so fucking gay. The words choked him and the scars on his body reminded him that everything was his fault. His fucking fault. It was his fault that Regulus had been there on his own. His fault that his family hated him so completely. His fault that he woke up everyday and wanted his best friend in a way that wasn’t fair.

He sat up as the tears started spilling down his cheeks and his breathing became difficult. He hid his face in his hands. The only person who had ever seen Sirius cry was James but in that moment the only thing he could do was cry. So he cried, he cried in relief that his brother was safe and in anguish that he hadn’t been there to take the force of his mother’s rage. He cried because he knew if he had stayed he wouldn’t have survived. He felt a large hand on his back and for maybe the first time, didn’t feel embarrassed to be crying. Remus’ presence was warm and steady, patient and completely disarming. He started to catch his breath and heard Remus say quietly,

“I don’t know why he called James, I honestly don’t. But I’m glad that he called anyone, and once he’s more settled you guys can start sorting all this out. You’re a good brother Sirius, anyone can see that you’d go to war for the kid. Just don’t be so hard on yourself, and try not to be so hard on James, okay? You know how he loves being the hero, he probably called Regulus himself”

Sirius huffed a laugh, “Fuck, I owe a lot of apologies don’t I?” His voice was still slightly muffled by the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Yeah, you do.” Remus continued, “but fortunately James is a very forgiving hero” Sirius laughed quietly again and wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He finally lifted his head and turned to look back at Remus.

“Oh, fuck you” Remus said and rolled his eyes.

“What??”

“Of course you’d still look pretty right after crying your eyes out.”

Sirius barked out a loud laugh

“Aw, Moony, you think I’m pretty?” Remus pushed his shoulder away, “you always know exactly how to make me feel better.” He reached for his water bottle on the bedside table, still snickering.

“Do you?” Remus’ voice wasn’t teasing.

“Do I what?”

“Feel better?” There was such earnestness in Remus’ gaze.

“Yeah, I do” Sirius leaned back on the pillow, turning to face Remus “do you still want to watch the movie?”

Remus smiled “Yeah, go on. I do actually love his big blue eyes”

[in-flvx]

Walburga black in her YouTube era SO has a family Blog, and uses it to share her gentle parenting tips, and videos of Sirius who is having a meltdown (after she antagonized him enough) to promote some kind of therapy app

[fiendishfyre]

All your thoughts on Walburga Black please

Thank for this ask, I apologize for the incoherent mess Imma bout to vomit out.

First and foremost, I do not think nor agree with her (and in part Orion) using harmful spells on Sirius and Regulus. Using the cruciatus curse on her own kids???? Sorry we already have villains like Voldy and Umbridge. I hate Walburga being made into some pure evil cartoon level villain to her sons. I think she loved them. I can't say it was healthy but the Black family is complicated, no *family* is complicated. And I am not saying she wasn't abusive in a way, but I lean more it was generational trauma she imposed (orion would have as well), along with emotional/mental abuse. They leave their own marks and can be enough to want to leave a family. I mean look at well intention, for all accounts 'good' parents but are super controlling, people have ended up leaving that family as well (I say this as I've seen people share their personal lives and this be one reason why. Which is valid too.) Like praising the child that was behaving well while also throwing insult to other child, 'why can't you be like X'. But enough about her and how she'd have raised the kids. I love her having aspirations but it was cut short, forced to marry Orion. Keeping blood pure and all that jazz. Though I do also like her wanting Orion as well but I tend to go for the former. She was a potions master or at least wanted to be, it was one of her fav subject. She taught the boys early on how to make potions. She also played with Sirius specifically with the piano. Sirius was her fav child, apple of her eyes. She was so proud of him, even when he rebelled and ran off, part of her was proud of how strong her son was. Though she'd not speak it aloud. (Maybe in time she would have but life didn't allow it.) Her angry dictates her at times, she is more expressive in emotions than Orion. Which annoys her, she wants to see his emotions. Not saying she can't completely hold her emotions back, but just that she is more prone to outward emotions. Orion will look at something with disgust while she'll do the same and say it aloud too. She's a goth queen and Bella so took inspo from her fashion sense. Hahahahhaa. Wally was also an excellent duelist. Ruthless. Her relationship with her brothers is..hm, she is envious of Alphard, getting to be born a man and having different expectations. She was firstborn of her line, told she *must* wed well then must help carry the Black family line. Also Alphard had a more carefree (my hcs okay) personality while she thought too much and couldn't be like him. Cygnus was like an annoying little brother she ignored until he was older and less annoying. But she and Al were highkey mean to him. Taking advantage of their older siblings status. RIP Cygnus.

She totally would have messed with/bullied Tom Riddle, hahahaha. "Knights of Walpurgis? Fucking nerd." /joking, maybe.

She's the most gorgeous woman and knows it. Is a bit of a clean freak which she loosens up for when it comes to potions though she's still; careful not to make a big mess.

Okay, yeah, these are *my* thoughts only, please don't get offended or argue. c':

[tracingpatternswrites]

Title: A Mother's Love

Rating: M

Pairing: Gen - Walburga Black

WC: 3896

CW: Unreliable narrator, implied alcohol abuse, implied child abuse

Summary: Sirius might have left but he was going to come back. He was going to come back. He had to come back.

Teaser below the cut:

He was going to come back. 

He was going to come back because he had to come back.

He was going to come back because he was her son, her flesh and blood, and this was where he belonged.

He was going to come back.

She repeated the words over and over again, the only coherent thought she managed to form in her foggy mind as she traced her fingers over his portrait woven into the tapestry. 

It didn’t do him justice.

He was a beautiful boy. He always had been, ever since the day he was born. She remembered that night as if it was yesterday. It had been nearly four in the morning by the time she finally held him in her arms, and she had known then that there wasn’t anything in the world she wouldn’t do to protect her firstborn son. 

He was going to come back.

They told her it had been nearly a month. She didn’t know. She didn’t know about time anymore. They had tried to get her to move at first, but she had screamed and threatened to curse them and they had finally left her alone.

The house-elf brought her food and made sure that her glass was never empty. She wasn’t hungry but she ate anyway, the house-elf coaxing her. She wasn’t thirsty but she drank anyway, because the wine helped dull the pain in her chest. 

He was going to come back.

It had been nearly four weeks but she knew that he could be stubborn. He had always been stubborn, even as a small child. He had always had a flair for the dramatic too, a theatrical streak, and running off to the Potters would be exactly the thing that he would do to get her attention.

He knew perfectly well what she thought of the Potters. He had used it against her since day one and this was just the kind of attention-grabbing stunt he would pull in order to get his way. He knew which buttons to push, knew how to manipulate, knew how to play her, his father, his brother.

He was her son, after all.

He was going to come back.

She remembered being shown their family tree as a child, remembered looking at the branches that stretched and split. She had always known what her duty was, to help the tree grow further, and when she held Sirius in her arms for the first time she knew that she had succeeded. Everyone said that the moment you held your firstborn child in your arms you would feel nothing but love, but Walburga had been relieved.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t happy. 

The night Sirius was born had been the happiest of her life. She had known that he was special from the first second she laid eyes on him, his black head of hair and grey eyes that had looked at her in a way that newborn babies shouldn’t be able to, as if he knew all the weight that settled on his shoulders the moment he came into the world.

He would be the one to carry on the family name and it was her job to prepare him for it. She had to make sure that he understood the responsibilities that came with being a Black, of being wizarding royalty, and it was a job that she took seriously. She knew how much he had to live up to, their ancestors, their history, and she knew how hard it would be.

His name came from his father, but Orion Black had always been a weak man. He didn’t see the world the way she did, he didn’t understand it as she did. He had always had everything handed to him on a silver plate, but that was not how she would raise her son. She would raise him right, that was the promise she had made to herself that night.

She loved him. She had loved him from the moment she saw him.

He was going to come back.

She had been a good mother. She didn’t claim to be perfect, she knew she wasn’t, but she had always done her best. He might not believe that she had, but it was the truth.

She had always wanted what was best for him, what was best for the family. She had worked so hard at keeping their family together but no-one ever thanked her for it. They all turned their back on her, punished her, all because she was the only one willing to do what it took to keep the family together.

She knew what people said about her behind her back. It wasn’t just Sirius, not only the sanctimonious Potters or the good-for-nothing faculty at Hogwarts. The wizarding world loved to gossip about her and she was used to it. She knew they called her the ice queen, accused her of ruling her family with an iron fist when everything she had ever wanted to do was to protect her family and their name.

All she had ever done was what was best for the family.

He was going to come back.

Continue on AO3.

[kittykatkatelol]

"Fever" Sirius Black Oneshot

This was originally supposed to be part of whumpcember as the first day (fever) but I didn't think it was very whumpy so I wrote something different for that and now y'all get this :>

CW: Domestic abuse, child neglect

-

He was stuck in bed, only allowed to leave for the restroom - not that he wanted to leave much anyways, which had to be a first in this hellhole of a house - with a fever of over a hundred degrees, a wave of nausea hitting him every time he makes a move to stand, fatigue hitting him like a freight train - let's just say he was in no hurry to get up.

If being sick wasn't bad enough, clearly you have never been with Walburga Black while sick. If he didn't have Reggie, Sirius seriously started to doubt he would get any food at all, with mother too caught up in booze and herself to give a shit that her son was in pain.

He missed Effie - he knew she would take care of him, but instead he was stuck with his godawful mother. It somehow got worse when the nausea overcame him and he had to throw up - he had made it to a toilet in time but his mother still took every opportunity to wack him in the head and tell him how pathetic he was.

Sorry, mum, sorry that I had to throw up whilst sick.

Reggie stopped coming to his bedroom after that, probably forbidden, Sirius guessed. With Regulus gone, that meant no more food. Kreacher was no help of course, so Sirius sat alone, in his room, stuck in bed, with no food.

"If you can't keep it down and appreciated the food you are given, why do I even fucking bother giving it to you?"

When Regulus finally snuck some food to Sirius, he was a lot skinnier than before. It wasn't much, but it was food.

Mother found out less than three hours later - Sirius some how got all the blame. She didn't hesitate to torture her already sick child, making him scream and cry on the floor, begging for it to stop, when he was only trying to get some food for his neglected body. He guessed Regulus got punished too by his continued absence.

I can't wait to leave here and never come back.

-

[Word count: 354]

[obscuregenderenvy]

The fan trope of Sirius never mentions even being mildly upset about Walburga's "A+ parenting" and then just showing up at James' door at 3 am? Yeah that ruins me

[picklesonjupiter]

To Wally

wc: 200 • AO3 link • fandom: Harry Potter • for: hp sapphic microfics (@sapphicmicrofics) • april 25 prompt: chocolate frog • pairing: Walburga/Eileen, Walburga/Orion • rating: Gen • tags: eating disorder, love letter, unrequited love, love confession, first person pov

Summary: A love letter and love confession to Walburga from Eileen.

[hpcestfest]

HP Cest Fest: Fic ☕️ 📖

Title: Obedience Author: ??? Prompt #: 23 Ship(s): Andromeda Black Tonks/Walburga Black Rating: E Wordcount: 2.5k Warnings/Tags: Rape/Non-Con, Incest, Blackcest (Harry Potter), Aunt/Niece Incest, Explicit Sexual Content, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Andromeda is an adult

Summary: Andromeda knows that she has to obey. She has to be a good girl. Her aunt insists on it. The House demands it.

Read on AO3

[liketolovexx]

heyyy, can i request good old enemies to lovers with so much angst but ends with fluff with sirius??? maybe they used to be friends before and Sirius just suddenly turned cold? and the reader was giving the same energy and all they do is bicker and one time the reader just burst out about how siri is being a prick and then it ends with confession?? it's very long 😭😭im sorry

Hey guys!!! Sorry I’m going through requests VERRRRY slowly atm but please feel free to leave requests in my inbox for me to get round to <3 love u all so much

Also, I included reader seeing Regulus as a little brother figure and looking after him, because I can’t not :-( sorry if it puts u off the fic!!

(CW: LOTS of angst, child abuse from walburga, sad Sirius, sad Regulus, Sirius being cold and cruel to cope with loss, basically the reader being the black brother’s best friend, ends with fluff<3)

“I used to love you.” ~S.O.B

{you were from a pure blood family, best friends with Sirius Black. You comforted him through his mother’s cruelty, and fell in love along the way. Until Sirius ran away, leaving you to protect his little brother from harm out of the love you still held. Now, when you see him in school, you give him a reciprocated glare. But why does he hate you?}

“Sirius, come here!” Came the harsh, threatening voice of Walburga Black, she sounded angry, really angry, and you watched Sirius tense, looking up from the book you were reading together. His eyes were wide, face whiter than usual, holding much more terror than a little boy should ever have to endure. You put a hand on his shoulder, warming him in this cold house. “Hey, it’s fine. Whatever happens, you can come back up to me after. I’ll take care of you.” You told him. You may have been only children at the time, but the way Sirius nodded and his silver eyes softened and glittered with tears, you knew you had a certain way with him.

Alone in Sirius’s room, you played with your hands, shoulders stiff as you listened to the mother scream ruthlessly at her son, trying not to picture the broken, guilty, vacant expression you knew would be adorning Sirius’s tear-stained face. You couldn’t hear Sirius’s responses to Walburga’s yelling, you knew he froze up when he was scared, so he’d be mumbling in response. “I DONT CARE IF YOUR FRIEND IS UPSTAIRS. YOU ARE A DISGRACE ALREADY!” She yelled. You had to cover your ears when gut-wrenching cries and wails started to echo up the stairs. Walburga was using the crucio curse on her son. Again.

~~~

Soon, the screams ceased and Sirius rushed up the stairs and into his room where you still sat. He slammed the door desperately, and crumbled to the floor beneath it, shaking like a leaf and loud sobs starting to make his small back heave. You leaped off of his bed and knelt beside him. Hesitantly, you reached out to touch his back, but he flinched away from you with a sharp, choked gasp. That was when the first crack painfully sliced its way through your heart. To see your best friend weak and bawling on the floor of his bedroom, scared of even you, was an agonising feeling. Eventually, Sirius realised you wouldn’t hurt him, and wiggled into your lap, crying quieter now. His head found its way into your neck as he cried, and you could feel his wet tears snaking down your skin.

“Sirius, I’m here.” You whispered into his disheveled black curls. At that, you felt his body weaken in your lap. Before you knew it, he was asleep ontop of you, your arms wrapped around him. He stirred, turning slightly, slipping down your body so his head lay comfortably on your chest, and your face scrunched in both pity and guilt. A puddle of thick crimson blood stuck his hair to his pale forehead. You hated yourself for not being able to stop his mother from hurting him. Watching his body rise and fall with each peaceful breath he took as he slept, you spat on your sleeve and wiped the blood away, earning a harsh twitch and broken whimper from the raven-haired boy. He deserved nothing but peace.

With Sirius draped over your body like a snow-white blanket, hair splayed over you like he’d claimed you as his own bed, the door creaked open. You tensed, holding Sirius tighter, ready to give anything to protect him if Walburga showed in the door, but instead, a small frame appeared. Regulus. “Oh, Regulus.. did the shouting scare you?” You ask softly. The boy nods. He’s the spitting image of his big brother. “Is Siri okay?” He murmurs, rubbing his eye. You nod. “C’mere.”

Regulus tucks himself into the crook of your arm, head laying on the flesh of your shoulder. With big eyes mirroring Sirius’s, he peers up at his brother. “Heard mama shouting at him. He breaked something, I think.” Regulus explains shyly. “Mh. Your mother isn’t kind to Sirius. She isn’t kind to you either.” You say, more to yourself than him. He still nods in agreement. You stroke Sirius’s hair as he shifts in his sleep. “I’ll get you both out one day. And… and me and Sirius can get married. And you can be the best man-“ you describe your fantasy to the small boy, who has a wonderful smile creasing his little face, eagerly listening to each and every detail of the life he hoped to one day live.

~~~

You were now both in hogwarts. Over the years, Sirius had become rebellious, learning to fight back to his mother, but this always resulted in the crucio curse, which resulted in him collapsing in your arms. You were, admittedly, all he had. You and his little brother, who he’d noticed following the path of his parents. He hated the fact that regulus was so obedient to their inane beliefs. He hated it. It was only you who could calm his rushing mind.

It took only one night for everything to change. You weren’t over at his house, so he was alone, and he had a particularly bad row with his mother. After using the crucio curse on the boy until his thin limbs were tangled and trembling on the ground, his jet black curls tangled and his bitten-raw lip quaking like a child’s. While he was in this state, his mother mocked him. All he wanted was to be in the safety of your arms right now. He knew that although you came from a pure-blood family, you were not evil. You were good. You were like him, but braver. Kinder.

That night, Sirius knew he couldn’t live in this house anymore. He packed a bag full of clothes, essentials, and was unable to resist taking Regulus’s old teddy bear, an old shirt of yours and a necklace that was matching with you. He tied up his dark hair and slipped on his leather jacket. He’d grown out his hair because his parents didn’t approve of it: he wore the jacket simply because his parents didn’t like the 70s-rocker look. He’d do anything to escape those sleek black suits, hair styled tidily, silver and jewels everywhere he looked. In this house, he was nothing but a decoration, so he vowed to make his appearance undesirable to his parents. But, you always thought it suited him. While he crept silently down the corridor, boots hardly making a sound on the fancy patterned carpet, he heard a creak. His heart stopped. Fuck, he thought. Its mum. I’m never getting out. Oh, god, I’m never getting out.

“Siri?”

A small voice asked. It was Regulus. Sirius spun around where he stood to see an unruly mop of black curls matching his, framing a pale, soft face that didn’t at all suit the bitter yet elegant brutality of his family. “Reg.” was all Sirius could squeak.

“…you’re leaving aren’t you?”

“…yeah.”

“Oh.”

Regulus looked at his feet. He looked back up at his older brother.

“I’ll be by myself, Sirius.”

Sirius’s jaw clenched. He fought back the tears.

“I’m sorry, Reggie. I love you.”

Regulus’s daintily perfect face crumpled. “You can’t go, Siri, I don’t-.” He swallowed. “I don’t want to be alone. Not with them.” Sirius opened his arms. His little brother crashed into them like he’d disappear if he wasn’t fast. “I’m sorry, reg. I love you, but I can’t stay.” He murmured. Regulus was now sobbing into his shoulder. Sirius felt like the worst person on earth. He needed to get to James’s house before his mother woke up. “Regulus, I have to go.” He told him, petting the back of his head. Regulus suddenly pushed his brother back. Sirius recognised this; the anger that reg was displaying. When he was the same age, when he felt vulnerable, he disguised it with anger. He still did. “F-fine. Go. I don’t need you.” Regulus spat, his glistening silver eyes betraying him. “You’re… you’re really… really mean, Sirius, you know that?” He tried to hiss, but it turned out as a cracked whimper. Sirius felt his heart shatter in his chest. Stinging tears dripped down his cheeks.

“I love you, Regulus.”

“…”

Regulus walked to his room.

~~~

Sixth year.

Sirius had decided that he couldn’t hurt you anymore. With him leaving home, being a blood traitor, he knew he’d only cause you trouble. He couldn’t bare the thought of it. Little did he know he’d be doing just that.

When break had ended, you’d gone to greet your best friend. “Sirius! I’m sorry I didn’t see you much over the holiday, god, how’s regulus? Are you-“ your shoulders clashed together as he continued walking. much to your confusion, he walked straight past you with the icy glare of his father. “…Sirius?” You tried again, catching up with him and grabbing onto his shoulder. The physical contact from the person he loved most hurt like the touch of searing iron, and he flinched away. “Fuck off! Can’t you just.. just fucking go away?” He growled. His silver eyes were a stormy grey, he hated himself more as he watched your face fall. “What..?” You breathed, looking so heartbroken. He hated himself for making you hurt as well as his little brother.

He hated himself, he hated himself, he hated himself.

Trying to soothe the ache in his chest, he rushed past you. He left you standing in the ruins of what he had torn down.

From then on, everything changed.

~~~

Sirius Black was not your best friend anymore. He was cold and unresponsive, shooting you murderous glares whenever you saw him. He’d make offensive comments at you when he came close enough to communicate with you, and it confused you immensely. What happened to the boy who came to you for comfort? Who cried in your arms and begged you to keep him safe and warm? What happened to your boy? Your best friend? Only god knows.

You didn’t even know Sirius had run away until your parents informed you that you couldn’t go around to the Black’s house anymore. This had sparked a heated argument. “What? He ran away? He didn’t tell me!” You’d exclaimed. “Yes. To the Potter’s house, we hear. Walburga has burned his picture off of the tapestry, and-“

“Wait, what? I can’t go round anymore? What about Regulus?”

“No. Walburga doesn’t allow guests to see her children anymore.”

“What? No, no, no, I need to see Reg. come on, Dad, he needs me!”

Long story short, your argument was to no avail. You couldn’t see Regulus. You couldn’t protect him from his parent’s wrath like you had his brother. Alike Sirius, you spent some of your nights lying awake thinking about Regulus, alone and cold in that hellish house, and most of your night thinking about Sirius, and what you did to make him despise you so.

Soon enough, You and Regulus had fixed your relationship, and many nights you’d find yourself singing the youngest Black brother to sleep. You could comfort him from within the walls of hogwarts where his mother couldn’t hurt him. Even when Sirius hated you, you cared for his brother like he was your own.

~~~

At first, you’d tried to coax Sirius into talking to you. You’d stood with tight lips while he insulted you, and listened to his hateful, meaningless rants. You noticed how his friends, James, Peter and Remus, stopped egging him on when it came to you, and started nudging him or trying to distract him, as if he’d say something he’d regret. But you’d come to think that Sirius black was remorseless.

You weren’t sure why he’d switched up on you, become so mean. You did, however, decide that you would be just as harsh right back to him. You knew you could never bring yourself to hate him. He owned your heart, whether you liked it or not. You learned to hate that you couldn’t help that.

It had soon been a year. One torturous year of finding your spells book torn to shreds, looking at dark eyes that you once knew so well only to see an unrecognisable boy. The smirk that once brought warmth to your chest now opened a bottomless pit in your stomach. With each day, you ached more and more. So did he. Sirius loathed himself indescribably. He knew that if he told you, even after the torture he’d subjected you to, you’d kiss his forehead like old times and tell him it was okay. Tell him that he was good, and he’d never be like his parents, and that you were there for him. You were an amazing person, and he was horrible. But he couldn’t drop his facade now.

You were just trying to study when a voice you’d come to find agitating and grating permeated the silence of the library. “Ooh, little blood supremacist… what you studying? Dare I say dark magic?” Rolling your eyes, you slammed the textbook shut. “shut up, Black. You came from quite the same roots.” “Maybe: but I was brave enough to get out. I was good enough to get out.” He retorted with a grimace. Looking up to meet his cold gaze, you noted that his creased white shirt was unbuttoned, his crimson and gold tie hanging loose over his shoulders, only curls pinned up carelessly with his wand. A dangerous hairstyle, for sure.

“Would you give it a break? I was the reason you didn’t go crazy in that house.”

“I did go crazy in that house.”

“Yeah, I can fucking tell.” You said with a scoff. He pulled away your notebook. “So, have you got the dark mark yet? Godric knows you’ll be ecstatic-“ “why are you such a dick, Sirius?!” You yell hoarsely, jumping to your feet. His eyebrows furrowed at your outburst. Slightly, his eyes softened at the sight of your glassy ones, brimming with unshed tears. He said nothing, lips parted. “You’re.. you’re a fucking prick. I never did anything to you.” Turning away to hide your face which had turned pink as it did when you were about to cry, You started upstairs to your dormitory.

~~~

knock, knock, knock.

Someone rapped on your dorm’s door.

Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock.

Someone was incredibly impatient. You used the palm of your hand to dry your eyes slightly and sniffled. “What? Who is it?” You croaked. A voice answered, “please can I come in?” You frowned. This time, it was a voice you knew. You recognised it, broken and weak, pained, yet honey-smooth all the same. That was your Sirius. Your heart hurt again knowing you’d never have him back, not fully. You fully believed this was another of his cruel pranks.

“Come in.” You mumbled.

As Sirius muttered your name, you felt you were transported back to your childhood. When you’d play and read together. Laugh and smile. “What do you want, Black.” When you said that, his lip twitched, face scrunching slightly. He looked as if the words physically pained him. With that expression painted on his face, he looked just like he did as a child. Except now, his hair was longer, his face more angular, more beautiful. “Don’t call me that. Please.” He begged, voice cracking with emotion. You looked up at him with a waning expression of anger. “Why not? You have been awful to me, I will call you what I choose.” You say. He whimpers pitifully.

He shuts the door behind him. You hear him mumble something. “What did you say, Black?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Your body is tense. Everything is silent. You have one question.

“Why were you so angry with me when you left?”

He hesitated, before answering as raw and truthful as he can. “Because I was stupid. I knew nothing but that I loved you. And I hated myself, and I couldn’t hurt you any further.”

“What? Hurt me? Hurt me how?”

“I burdened you all those years, with my weeping and pathetic pleas for comfort after my mother hurt me. When I could only feel safe shrouded in your warmth. I needed you. And I need you now. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.”

Nothing felt real. You reached a hand out, and Sirius lowered himself so that his cheek rested in your palm. It was cold.

“You’re cold.” You stated blankly.

“I’m fine.” He protested.

You pulled him into your bed. Seconds later, you stretched out your arms. With a sob of relief, Sirius fell into your embrace. He cried silently into your neck for a while, reminiscent of the time you helped him as a kid, except this time you were both much bigger. You pet his hair affectionately, a tear sliding from your eye. “I missed you so much. I’m so, so in love with you. You don’t even need to love me back. I just… need this.” He said, voice muffled as he presses his face into your shoulder.

“…I never stopped loving you.” You admit, pulling him in closer.

~~~

You both spoke through the night, smiling and laughing and talking, telling secrets and jokes and all of the inbetween. He was so beautiful in the dim light of the lamp in your dorm. He was so beautiful anywhere. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, sounding lovesick and dazed. You laughed softly. “You don’t even know how beautiful you are. But that doesn’t matter to me.” You kiss his forehead, before pulling back and looking deep into his eyes. “You are good.” He practically melts into you.

Sirius falls asleep safe in the crook of your arm, and you fall asleep with one arm under him and the other around his waist, with the peace of mind that you can protect him always, now. Your boy. Your Siri.

You looked down at him, running your fingers through the roots of his hair. He moans lowly in satisfaction, practically purring as he presses himself against you. “Now we can get married: with Reggie as the best man, just like we dreamed. With a pretty house and a four-poster bed.” You said, a sweet, hopeful smile gracing your lips.

“Mmmh.” Sirius groaned sleepily. “As long as we can christen that bed.” He added, eyes still closed, with that stupid Sirius Black smirk on his face. You scoff, hugging him closer, before falling asleep yourself.

~~~

(Please don’t copy or share any of my writing anywhere else!!)

[lulublack90]

Prompt 19 - Fairytale

@wolfstarmicrofic July 19, word count 995

CW - Murder, blood

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Sirius. Sirius lived with his parents and brother. They drove him mad. One morning, his mother ordered him to take a basket of cakes and buns to his grandmother. 

“Why can’t Kreacher do it?” He asked sullenly. He did not enjoy visiting his grand-mère. 

“Because I told you to,” Was all that Walburga said to him before pushing him out of the house and shoving the heavily ladened basket into his hands. 

He grumbled and stuck his fingers up at the house as he walked away. He decided to go the long way around to his grandmother’s house through the woods. 

Sirius loved the woods. He could have skipped down the lane, but he restrained himself. If he messed up the treats in the basket, he’d never hear the end of it. 

He was about halfway to his grandmother’s house when he spotted a figure in the distance. The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stuck up and his entire body tensed. Something wasn’t right. 

“Hello,” The man smiled when Sirius was almost to him. “Beautiful day isn’t it?”

“I suppose,” Sirius answered. He’d slowed his pace but didn’t fully stop, just kept walking past the strange man. 

“Where are you going?” The man asked, moving to walk beside him. 

“To my grandmother’s house,” Sirius answered, hoping the man would leave him alone if he answered his questions. 

“And where does grandmother live?” The man questioned further. Sirius stopped in his tracks. 

“That really isn’t any of your business, now please leave me alone,” He glared at the man, hoping he’d just leave him alone. The man dipped his head to him. 

“Apologies,” He smiled unnervingly and backed into the trees. Sirius shivered, glad he was gone. Sirius put him out of his mind. He needed his wits about him to deal with his grandmother. 

The house loomed before him as he cleared the trees. As he approached, he noticed the gate was open. His grandmother would never allow that. He walked through it, closing the iron gate behind him. 

The front door was ajar. Alarm bells started ringing in his head. Something wasn’t right. He crept into the house. 

“Grand-mère?” Normally, by this time, she’d be sitting in her wing-backed chair, squinting at her book because she refused to accept that she needed glasses. 

A bang came from upstairs. “Grand-mère, I’m coming upstairs,” He called. He felt a chill creep down his spine as he climbed. He stood on the landing and called out again. 

“Grand-mère?” 

“In here, my dear,” A sweet voice called out. That alone was enough for Sirius to know things were not as they should be. Irma Black had never used the word dear in her life. 

He pushed open her bedroom door and spotted a figure in her bed. 

“Good afternoon Grand-mère, are you alright?” He asked pleasantly. Whoever was in her bed was at least twice the size of his grandmother. 

“Yes, my dear, just a slight sniffle. Come closer to your old Granny,” Admitting weakness and calling herself Granny two more red flags to add to the already large collection. Against his better judgement, he neared the bed. 

“My what big eyes you’ve got Granny,” He had to stop himself from sounding sarcastic. 

“All the better to see you with, my dear,” Sirius realised pretty quickly that his ‘Granny’ was the stranger he’d met in the woods. 

“And my, what big ears you’ve got,” He’d play the game for a bit longer before calling him out. 

“All the better to hear you with, my dear,” The sweet voice was becoming gruffer. 

“And my, what big teeth you’ve got,” He couldn’t help the smile that crept into his voice. His ‘Granny’ narrowed her eyes. 

“All the better to eat you with!” The man growled and leapt out of bed faster than Sirius had expected. Sirius fell to the floor and rolled out of the man’s way. He jumped to his feet and ran for it. 

“Help!” He screamed as he ran through the house. “Help!” The man was chasing him and was closing in. Sirius got to the bottom of the staircase and grabbed for the front door. The man flew past him and blocked the exit. He had a nasty, blood-soaked blade in his hand. Sirius didn’t stop to ask whose blood it was. He already knew. 

He knew this house well and headed to what had been his grandfather’s office. It had double doors leading into the garden. “Help!” He shouted once he was in the garden, he knew the man wouldn’t let him live. He was getting tired, but the man just kept coming. “Help!” He shouted as loud as his protesting lungs could manage as the man closed in. 

He ran for the tree line at the edge of the garden and blew through them. “Help!” He called again. The man was right on his heels as he ran past a leaning fir tree. He caught the flash of steel out of the corner of his eye and heard a dull thunk. He looked over his shoulder and a tall, strong woodcutter stood over the body of his pursuer. 

“Are you alright?” The man asked as he pulled his axe from the body. 

“Yeah,” Sirius said hoarsely. "I don't know who he is, but he wanted to kill me," 

“His name’s Fenrir Greyback. He's wanted for murder.” The woodcutter told him. “I’m Remus by the way,” He held out his hand and Sirius took it, shaking it thankfully.

“Sirius,” He told him. “Want some cake?” Sirius asked. Somehow he’d managed to hold onto the basket as he fled. Remus laughed at him. 

“Yeah, sure,” He answered. “We can deal with him later,” He pointed at Greyback. 

They shared the cakes and buns between them and chatted merrily for the rest of the afternoon, totally forgetting what had brought them together.

[ellecdc]

elle elle elle can i request something with moon water killer (i think that's with barty?😭) with a reader inspired by the song Matilda by harry styles???

Since i saw you haven't gotten many requests with song inspo

omg! I'd never heard this song before! it's really beautiful, so thank you for sharing! also....I hope I did it justice <3 ** .... fuck ok I posted this and noticed you perhaps asked for reader to be Matilda coded? sorry I didn't catch that at the time

poly!moonwaterkiller x fem!reader who exceed expectations

CW: mention of Barty & Regulus' shitty childhoods and families (but nothing is described), lyrics are in a different font & the lyrics I inserted directly into the fic are in blue

You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. You don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own.

Being born a Black came with a lot of expectations.

A young Black was expected to be well-groomed at all times, to be quiet, obedient, well-mannered, and have proper etiquette training.

They were expected to be dutiful sons and daughters, driven and successful students, and to keep up the family’s good name.

They were expected to grow into robotic adults, find a partner who was probably not too distantly related from them, and raise the next generation of Black children who would then wash, rinse, and repeat. 

Regulus Black expected the same for himself. 

He expected to be a dutiful son, a diligent student, a successful heir to the Black family name, and produce a suitable offspring who would amount to much the same. 

And by some brilliant stroke of luck, he did not meet those expectations. 

Though he tried to be a dutiful son, and he was indeed a diligent student, it hadn’t seemed to be quite enough for Orion and Walburga Black. 

And it wasn’t until Sirius left that Regulus realised that it would never be enough for them. 

So he left, too. 

You can let it go.

And when Regulus believed that there was lingering Darkness that flowed through his veins, he had found three people who saw the Light in him… even when he couldn’t. 

And Regulus won’t bore everyone with the details; but somehow that Light brought him here, to this day, with these people. 

And though both you and Remus were privy to the life Regulus lived growing up, neither of you truly understood it; and Regulus was happy for it.

But Barty did. 

Barty knew what it felt like to never live up to the expectations that came with your Name, to be perpetually wrong and disgraceful, and unfortunately that the consequences of such were really quite high. 

But they made it. They made it out.

Though it was not without scars.

Birthday’s had always been somewhat touchy for Barty, which may seem strange for the boisterous, egotistical, cocky son-of-a-bitch that everyone knew Barty to be.

A whole day? Dedicated to you? Where people were obligated to shower you with love and gifts? What self-absorbed, high-performing only child wouldn’t like that?

Barty didn’t.

Though Regulus supposed it was less that Barty didn’t like the idea, and more that birthday’s had never been a positive experience so he never quite knew how to handle them.

But - God love you both - you and Remus were determined to change that; and Regulus thought you might actually be succeeding. 

Because Regulus stood in the backyard of his small, cosy, modest townhouse with string lights hanging between beams and bannisters, basking the space in a golden glow as the small fire crackled and music played softly from Evan’s sound system that he brought for the event.

The event being Barty’s birthday. 

Everyone Barty loved was crammed into the small space; and the people Barty claimed not to love but rather tolerate (read: Remus’ friends) had shown up too. 

Throw a party full of everyone you know.

Regulus had the prime view from where he stood leaning against the wooden fence; some drink in his hand that Potter insisted was “so sodding good, mate, you’ll love it” - that Regulus could admit wasn’t horrid - as he watched Remus twirl you around in sloppy circles that the two of you seemed to think was a dance (years of proper etiquette and dance training would have Regulus saying otherwise). You threw your head back in a laugh that echoed in Regulus’ rib cage as Remus dipped you low; his honey brown curls glowing ethereally in the golden glow of the string lights as he pulled you back up to your full height to press a kiss to your lips. 

And Regulus’ prime viewing location also allowed him to watch Barty as he, too, watched the two of you.

Barty always talked of the pain like it’s alright; ever the comedian, he was always able to play off some of the most traumatic stories from his childhood as funny. And Regulus understood that; nothing about the way either of them had been treated had ever seemed especially alarming until now…until they saw that it could be better, that it should be better. 

Barty had been laughing and chatting with Evan, Pandora, Dorcas, and Marlene from the deck, but he had since opted to lean against the bannister as he watched two of his lovers enjoy the party; his party.

A party that Barty likely never imagined…expected for himself, a party that would have seemed impossible years ago. 

If the subtle glisten in Barty’s eyes and the mystified look on his face was enough to go by; the sentiment was not lost on Barty, either.

Their eyes met then; two boys whose families never showed them love who moved on to find freedom in love and a family that they started all on their own. 

It should have been impossible for Barty’s face to soften anymore than it had been as he watched you and Remus dancing, but it seemed to do just that when he shot Regulus a wink.

Regulus raised his glass to his boyfriend then; to growing up, to moving on, to showing love, to their little family.

And to exceeding every expectation either of them ever had for themselves.

[empress-simps]

Line That Leads To You

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem! Reader AU: Soulmate AU CW: Language, Genre: Angst with a happy ending (don't worry guys) Summary: You make Sirius realize that having a soulmate isn’t all that bad— that he too, will have his happily ever after.

Note: One of my favorite tropes to write, soulmate AUs! Sirius just needs love and affirmation. I love writing for this! Enjoy! Picture is from pinterest, credits to the owner!

You know, Sirius never really believed in those pesky soulmates stuff. It irks him to no end, and makes his head hurt.

The topic makes him snappy, bitter, and it leaves him feeling angry. To whom? The world— the one who’s responsible for everything that has to do with soulmates. He thinks it is a bunch of bollocks. It’s a pathetic little concept that everyone seems to be too invested in.

Sirius would be very much happy to tell you it doesn’t really end with a happily-ever-after.

“I’m telling you, Prongs. It’s just a bunch of crap.” Sirius tells James one time at the drawing room in the Potter Manor. James shakes his head, disagreeing with his best mate.

“It isn’t always like Walburga and Orion, Pads.” James gently tells him, eyes swimming with empathy for Sirius. “Just look at me, Lily and I are together, finally.” Sirius can’t help but scoff, shaking his head in a disagreeing manner.

“That’s because you were already pathetically in love with her before you even knew she was the one, Prongs. Same thing for Lily, but she was quite stubborn trying to deny what she felt about you. You guys are actually made for each other.” James lets out a laugh, the memories resurfacing making a love-struck smile appear on his face (Sirius gave him a disgusted look)

“That’s what soulmates are, Pads. You’re supposed to complete each other, balance the other person out” He pursed his lips and sighed, there’s no way Prongs could understand his opinion on the matter.

Complete each other, huh?

Then can someone give him a reasonable excuse on why his parents broke each other? One descended into madness; the other doesn’t really seem to care as long as the noble house of Black lineage will continue.

Sirius bites his bottom lip, deep in thought as he stares at his pinky, willing the connection to be seen; a red string that was tied into a bow that leads to Merlin-knows-where. It serves as a connection; the string that he and only his soulmate can see whenever they want. He tugs on it curiously, awaiting any reaction with bated breath. He almost scrambled away when he felt the other end also tug it. Sirius was utterly terrified, a shiver crawled up to his system, it’s foreign feeling for the Black’s eldest son. It made everything feel too real. A fact that he desperately tries to deny.

That night, before they returned to Hogwarts as sixth year students was the last time he ever willed to see the annoying little string in his pinky, not caring if his supposed other half was finding him or already found him.

Maybe it had to do with his twisted upbringing. He saw how his father cut the string tying him to their mother, the purple string that bound them together turning gray and withering away.

He saw how Regulus flinched, no one should’ve seen a scene like that, but they did. Someone severing their connection to someone who should’ve been with them through better or for worse, the one that fate intended for them. Their life got worse just after that, forcing him to flee and leave his younger brother behind at the deranged hands of Walburga Black.

“You should eat more, Reggie.” You turned towards the quiet and reserved Slytherin, pushing his plate closer to him, which made him wince. “I am quite full.” You raised a brow “None sense, all you did was sip pumpkin juice so you better do as I say or I’ll tell Evan and Junior.”

“Do you know that you boss people around quite well?” He grumbles, shoving a few spoonsful of dinner in his mouth as you hummed in approval, cracking a small smile. “I was told.” Your eyes flickered to the Gryffindor table, it seemed to gravitate you, pulling you in.

Looking down at your pinky, you willed the string to be visible to you. Seeing the red string attached to Sirius Black made your stomach churn; was it butterflies? Unease? You don’t particularly know, having mixed reactions to the string that leads to your other half.

You’ve known for over a year now, keeping it to yourself as you quickly figured out that he wants nothing to do with his soulmate.

“Reggie! Reggie!”

You exclaimed, slapping the poor boy’s arm as he was currently staying in the L/n Manor. He looked in your direction, quite annoyed, he was interrupted reading his book. “I’m reading, Y/n. You know, you should too. It’ll do you some good.” He sassed, trying to find which part he stopped reading. “My soulmate! They tugged the string!” You gushed, “They must be looking for me too, right?” You asked no one in particular, you can still feel the tingles you felt, how your heartbeat picked up, and how you felt like you were in could nine.

Quite the opposite from what Sirius felt, huh?

You never told him, never planned to. It was quite clear what his views are on the concept of soulmates when you saw him snogging different girls every week. It wrecked you; you swore you felt your heart stop beating every time you see him loving a girl other than you even just for a week. It sounds stupid and all, but you would give up everything just to know what it feels like; how he will look at you with love and adoration in his eyes, how his touch and kisses would linger on your body, and how his voice would sound like as his breath fans in your ear, whispering promises of love.

You looked at him from the Slytherin table; so close yet so far.

Regulus noticed, the all too familiar broken look in your face. His heart hurts for you, even if you do not tell him, he already knows. Seeing his brother’s indifference, Regulus’s gaze hardened. How could he have the guts to do this to his soulmate?

The memory of their mother's despair, the way she withered away after their father severed the bond, was etched into his mind. Regulus does not wish for anyone to feel that way, he does not wish upon it even in his worst enemies.

It was a pain no one should endure, a lesson that should have been learned.

Yet there sat his brother, laughing with his friends and willfully ignoring the pulls of his heart. The person who held the other end of this unseen tether, was beside Regulus. Your soul ached as you watched your soulmate. It was a betrayal of the heart's deepest connection, and it stirred a tempest of fury within Regulus that he struggled to contain.

“My brother is foolish. Eat.” He states, pushing your food and placing the cornbread on his plate to yours. She cracks a smile, chuckling. “Alright, Reggie. You’re lucky I love you.” You pat his curls, proceeding to eat the bread, smiling a little. Reggie never really shares his food with anyone, except for you. You’re the only exception.

“Padfoot.” Remus starts, looking out of the window as Sirius lays down lazily in his bed, looking at nothing.

“What, Moons?”

“If I say that I have an inkling on who your soulmate is, would you… look for them?” Remus asked cautiously. Peter and James perked up, eyes wide with shock. How could Remus possibly guess who his soulmate is? Unless… They’re also in Hogwarts?

“Don’t start with that crap, Moony.” Sirius sat up; a scowl displayed in his features as his grey eyes turned stormy.

“Don’t you even feel the slightest amount of guilt in your system as you snog other girls?” Remus frowned.

Sirius’s scowl deepened, his hands clenching into fists. “Guilt? For what, Moony? For not wanting to be chained down by some ancient magic?” His voice was a low growl, barely containing the emotions that surged within him. “I won’t be dictated by fate. I make my own choices, and I refuse to be bound by a bond I never asked for.”

Remus’s expression softened, the lines of concern etching deeper into his face. “It’s not about being chained, Pads. It’s about finding someone who complements you, who understands you in ways no one else can.” He paused, his gaze steady and piercing. “You’ve seen what happens when that bond is severed. You’ve seen the pain it causes. Is that what you want for yourself? For your soulmate who’s probably hurting somewhere?”

Sirius looks down, biting his lip and playing with the rings on his fingers. “I don’t plan on severing our bond, Moons- “

“Then what the fuck are you doing?” Remus spat, Sirius flinched, looking at anything but them. He knew deep down that Remus was right. He can’t deny he also wants to look for his soulmate. The only thing that was holding him back is that he’s scared. What if your story would end similarly like how Walburga and Orion’s did? Dread fills his system as he reflects on how he slowly realized he’s becoming like his father. Peter and James exchanged a glance, the weight of the conversation settling heavily upon them.

“I’m scared,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Scared of finding her… Scared of repeating the same mistakes.” He paused, his gaze lifting to meet Remus’s. “But you’re right. I can’t keep running from this. It’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to me.”

James offered a supportive smile, feeling happy for his friend. Sirius stood up, his posture straightening as if shedding the weight of his fears. “I’ll do it. I’ll find her,” he declared, his voice steady. “I owe it to both of us to at least try.”

“That’s our Padfoot.” Remus breathes a sigh of relief as Peter nods encouragingly at Sirius.

The next daylight soon came. Sirius gulps, looking around the great hall, feeling quite overwhelmed at the number of students entering for breakfast, eating, or chatting amongst themselves. For the first time in a long time, he willed the red string of fate to reappear within his vision.

Ah, there it was. The red string connected to someone from the Slytherin table. Sirius felt his heart drop, seeing the end of the string connected to your pinky. “Y/n?” The name left his lips in a hushed awe, his heart skipping a beat as he saw the string connected to your pinky. You, who laughed with such ease beside Regulus, were the missing piece.

Whether it was some brotherly instinct, Regulus looked at him, shooting him a warning stare as if to say: ‘If you hurt her, you’ll never see the light of day ever again.’

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise, knowing eyes set on his friend. “Found her, Pads?”

“Yeah. Found her, Moony.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” James chimed in, a grin spreading across his face as Peter silently cheers him on. “Go on, before you lose your nerve.”

Sirius took a deep breath, trying to shake off the weight of Regulus’s protective stare. It was a silent challenge, a vow to keep your heart safe from his brother. With a nod of acknowledgment, Sirius stepped forward, crossing the small distance between the Gryffindor table and Slytherin.

“Y/n,” he said, standing before you, the red string pulsing with a life of its own.

You stilled, slowly looking in his direction. Eyes wide with surprise, searched his for a moment before softening. “I was wondering when you’d come around,” you teared up, making Sirius’ heart ache.

Sirius extended his hand, the red string wrapping around both your destinies. “Let’s talk, yeah?”

And in that moment, as your fingers intertwined, Sirius knew that whatever the future held, he had made the right choice. For in finding you, he had found a new path that began to unravel, one filled with hope and courage. The buzz of Great Hall continued, but both of them felt time still, feeling the bond weave into their souls deeper.

Sirius’s and Y/n’s story had its flaws, but it was theirs, uniquely woven by the red strings of fate.

[my-castles-crumbling]

"Everything had been above board (s)he wasn't sure."

~ Taylor Swift (The Manuscript) Pairing: none (Black Brothers Angst) - Rating: M -CW: Child Abuse (Walburga Black's A+ Parenting)

“There are three Unforgivable Curses,” the Professor lectured, pointing his wand at the chalkboard to highlight the three spells listed there. “The Cruciatus Curse is the first. It is used to induce excruciating and debilitating torture that can cause the victim to descend into madness in rare cases. Sometimes-”

But Regulus, who was sitting in the back of the room, raised a trembling hand. 

“Yes, Mister Black?” the Professor asked, looking up.

“Excuse me, Professor. But I know you said earlier these Curses are extremely illegal. That’s not in all cases, correct? I know they’re allowed for punishment, for example,” Regulus asked blandly, his expression emotionless.

The Professor stared, blood draining from his face. “N-no, Mister Black. They’re illegal in all circumstances. No matter what. Not even the Ministry is allowed to cast them. Really, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to use such an evil spell….”

But Regulus’s eyes had glazed over, as if he was a million miles away.

-

Sirius hadn’t talked to his brother for months when, suddenly, the younger boy ran up to him, gasping for air and choking back tears. “It- it- they…Sirius,” he stuttered, grabbing for his brother. “They hurt us. They weren’t supposed to. Were they?”

And Sirius, tears falling from his own eyes, both for the past and for the brother that stood in front of him now, pulled Regulus in his arms. “No, Reg. They weren’t.”

[alwaysmoncheri]

𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 | 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

summary: your parents set up an arranged marriage with regulus black and you make an attempt to keep it a secret for as long as possible. through it all, regulus is there for you in a way you wouldn’t ever had thought possible.

cw: fem!reader, arranged marriage, walburga black, angst, comfort,

<3

July 17th, 1977

Following your fifth year attending Hogwarts greater tensions arose between pure-blood families throughout the entirety of the wizarding world. Previously, tensions had already existed between those who supported the joining of the dark lord's forces and those who sought to protect their children from his reign. Your loyalties lie with the latter but your parent's do not, so you keep silent.

The day of your sixteenth birthday your father informed you of his plan to marry you off. The news came to you as a surprise, but not because you didn't believe your parents would do such a thing but rather because it was truly unexpected. Initially, you didn't know how to handle the news and it only became more difficult to understand when your father told you that you would be betrothed to the youngest Black brother, Regulus.

You're a Gryffindor from a line of Slytherin purebloods. You're not surprised by the fact that you're being engaged to a Slytherin but you never would have thought it would be to Sirius's brother. You suppose your parents want someone to keep you in line and according to them, Regulus is perfect for that.

You aren't aware of the complex history and values of the Black family but you aren't naive. You notice the way Sirius and Regulus carry themselves at Hogwarts. From an exterior perspective they are very different. Sirius flaunts his rebellion and appears arrogant while Regulus suffers quietly but much more noticeably. So, from an interior perspective the brothers are very much the same and it's most likely a result of their relationship with their family which is known for being supportive of the dark lord.

The last thing you want is to marry into the house of Black. But you also have no other choice and your father has made his decision on that very clear. He said it was the best decision for your future and the future of the family. (Probably more so the future of the family, he never usually had your best interests at heart). So as soon as your father came in contact with the Blacks they were more than happy to offer up Regulus.

And that is how you find yourself sitting in the drawing room of 12 Grimmauld Place, silent and sat up straight, attempting to tune out the discussion the adults are having on behalf of you and Regulus. Soon to be husband and wife. You cant even imagine yourself as a wife, tending to the home and children. Merlin, you weren't ready for that and you can't even apparate yet let alone hold all the burdens of being a wife. Besides, you have always believed in the notion for marrying for love. Unfortunately, that dream is being cut short by your betrothal to Regulus.

12 Grimmauld Place is cold, all the furniture made of near-black wood and the textiles heavy. Ornate candelabras light the room, although it still has the distinct feeling of overall darkness. The fireplace isn't lit, though it would probably do a lot in the way of comfort. The old piano, shrouded in cobwebs, disguising its elegance, is playing itself, surely enchanted in order to keep your and Regulus's ears distracted from the conversation your parents are having. You and your father are seated on a black couch with an abstract gold print across from Orion and Walburga, seated on an identical couch. Regulus is on a bench in front of the piano eyes glued to the floor. He hasn't even looked at you.

Entirely reassuring.

You on the other hand can't stop sneaking glances at him. He's a good-looking boy, you'll give him that. And it's not as though you never saw him at Hogwarts but you never payed attention to him until now. His features differ from Sirius's but he still exudes that obvious, easy charm and a certain haughty look that they share.

Regulus was just a bit thinner, just a bit shorter. Still with the dark and curly locks, but not as long as Sirius's. His eyes are dark and situated under heavy brows. You get the impression he doesn't know how to do anything but brood, although perhaps that's because it's all you've seen him do. There's a beautiful angularity to his face, reminiscent of a statue. You don't like the idea of him looking at you with those eyes. You know there's no way he could find you nearly as attractive as you find him.

Regulus must've heard your thoughts because before you can tear your gaze away, he looks up, eyes meeting yours.

"(Y/N)?" Your head whips around at your father's voice. He and the Blacks are looking at you.

"Yes, father?"

"You and Regulus are excused while we continue our discussion." His eyebrows raise in a look that means: behave so I can marry you off.

Regulus stands and you follow him out of the room, unknowing of what to say once you've left. The silence feels so loud as neither of you speak and you hope this is not the rhythm you fall into once you've officially married.

The hallways are dusty and suffocating from the sheer amount of unkept vintage furniture lining the floor. Your gaze wanders aimlessly, a reckless move on your behalf, the eerie atmosphere leaving a lingering feeling of despair within your chest. You dread the day you have to move into this wretched house.

At the staircase, Regulus abruptly stops causing you to step on his heels. He turns around and you mumble out a quick apology. His face still betrays no emotion much to your unease.

"Would you like me to show you to my room?" He asks. His voice is different from what you expected. There's a hint of sadness, melancholy hidden beneath his pride. It doesn't take a genius to hear it but it makes you wonder if he's allowing you to.

"I suppose I don't have much of a choice?"

Regulus shakes his head and sends you an almost sympathetic look, as if saying: you have no idea what you're getting into. And truthfully, you don't.

His room is a whole four stories up. The climb is manageable but not entirely enjoyable. You try to keep your breathing level but your curiosity keeps you occupied. You scan the walls mostly made up of portraits, presumably members of their family line. Each exudes a contrasting level of emotion, some were troubling, nightmares of a certain kind, while others carry sorrow heavy on their faces. It was unnerving, this is the family you are to be married into. Soon you'll have your own portrait on the wall.

At the top of the flight are only two doors. Regulus walks in the direction of the one of the left. You pause.

"Is this other room Sirius's?" Regulus turns and for the first time, his expressionless eyes sadden, mirroring the sound of his voice.

"It was."

You close your curious mouth, not meaning to pry, but there's a version of the story that you don't yet know and you intend to find out eventually.

As you approach Regulus's door, you see he's hung a sign. It says: Do Not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus Arcturus Black. He enters, but you hang back in the doorway for a moment, lost in a thought.

Your mind reels at the thought of being one of the select few granted access to his room. But the reality of the situation renters your mind and you take a hesitant step forward, feeling the weight of the arrangement pressing down on your shoulders.

Regulus turns, sensing your hesitation and for the first time the ice of his face cracks, and he smiles faintly, "You can come in. Just close the door behind you."

He sits on the only chair in the room, leaving you to awkwardly seat yourself on the edge of his bed. As you pretend to examine his room you can feel the fullness of his gaze. He looks at you now that you're alone and you think he is seeing too much. He can see that you're not the girl he'd marry if he could choose. He sees why your parents think you need controlling, to be steered away from your friendship with his disowned brother and the rest of the Gryffindor house. He can see that you are afraid. His room is surprisingly small, and you can't imagine you are more than three feet from one another.

"So," you break the silence, "Do you think I'll have to live here?"

His eyebrows raise as if he already knows the answer to your question, but his face quickly returns to normalcy. His parents probably told him to be on his best behavior.

"My parents seem to expect you to. It's what a wife does, I suppose."

You nod, making an attempt to pick your brain for something else to say. You can't find anything and silence once again houses itself in the air between you.

"It's not a good idea." He's angry again. Or at least, he looks the way he did when you first stepped foot in this house. Maybe angry is the wrong word. He looks closed off, impenetrable. Maybe angry, too.

"What?"

"You coming to live here. Us getting married. It's not a good idea." Finally, he looks away from you, focusing instead on a nonexistent point to your right, "You don't deserve to be dragged into this."

You can't mask your shock. The sincerity in his voice is the most you've ever heard from him. You want to believe your father in assuring you this is the right thing, but Regulus's tone makes you wonder if he is telling you the truth. Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

"Dragged into what?" You pry, curiosity besting your manners.

"You do realize which side of the war you now stand with, right?"

You breathe in and hold it for as long as you can. The silence lingers like dust that's taking too long to settle. You're not surprised to feel a knot of terror lodged in your throat.

"Toujours Pur." Your gaze snaps to Regulus whose eyes are directed towards the family crest above his bed, "Always pure. That's what you're getting into. I hope you know what that entails."

Regulus watches closely as you open and close your mouth, unknowing of what the respond with. You've thought about the fact that you're now on the side of the dark lord but you find your mind circling with more worries when the truth is said aloud.

"And I don't know what your father said to convince my parents to allow you, a Gryffindor, to marry me but they won't let anyone know." Regulus sighs, he doesn't mean to come off as rude but you have every right to know everything about the situation, "You'll have to learn how to be one of us."

Your eyebrows furrow and you fight the urge to stand but the space is far too small for you to without being too close.

"I don't know who you think I am but I assure you, I know exactly how to be one of you." You point out, your voice sharp with defiance, yet tinged with a hint of vulnerability, "My parents are just like yours so don't assume that I don't know what it's like."

Your eyes are fixed firmly on Regulus as he remains silent. The tension in the room is palpable, the air crackling with unspoken words and unmet expectations.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Regulus shifts his weight, his gaze flickering momentarily away before returning to meet yours. Without a word, he moves closer, his steps deliberate yet hesitant, until he's seated on the edge of the bed beside you. The sudden proximity sends a shiver down your spine, a mixture of apprehension and curiosity toward his actions.

"I'm only trying to help." Regulus admits softly, his voice barely above a whisper, before retreating once more into his stoic demeanor, "But you shouldn't assume this will be any better for you."

Your shoulders sag with the weight of his words, a heavy sigh escaping your lips as you struggle to find the right response. "It might," you murmur, your voice tinged with hope. "In a year, we can leave here."

Regulus's gaze softens slightly, a fleeting glimpse of understanding passing through his eyes before they harden once more. "You're missing a chance to be happy," he offers, the hint of regret hidden in his tone.

A bitter laugh escapes you as you shake your head, the weight of your circumstances pressing down on you like a leaden blanket, "I don't have any other choice."

Regulus's hand finds yours for a moment before his door flies open, clearly without regard for the sign, and your hands fly apart. And there stand your parents.

"Oh lovely," Walburga begins, "They're already getting on."

"(Y/n), you'll be moving in with the Black's, effective tomorrow." Your father explains and under the intense gaze of Walburga you flinch. It doesn't go unnoticed by her or Regulus, "You can pack your bags tonight. Understood?"

"Yes, father, I understand."

Your parents exit the room but Walburga lingers and her icy gaze turns to Regulus, "Our guest will be staying in here, with you," Walburga pauses, eyes narrowing in your direction, "She's your responsibility now."

<3

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