#cuz like i was never bullied to my memory

[kojakaj]

i love when ppl tell me i should try to unpack my issues in therapy

like no babe, ik the roots of most of my issues

im just not telling u those parts because that’s where the line crosses the “being a joke” into “concerning”

but like yeah. ik why i hate myself and refuse to go to therapy, its the being gay/trans

ik why i have to sit near the exit of a room but also near the wall to see everyone, its because im terrified i will throw up/have a panic attack and i need to be able to have a quick exit and know how to navigate those around me so im not trapped

like i Know why im fucked up, that is not the issue lol

[gonnabeokaykid]

thoughts in the tags. genuine reflection of the season so far. not with any malice. more slightly sad resignation and a reminder to feel joy.

this is just a tv show after all <3

[fromfaewithlove]

🌕

[l0ngschl0ngking]

Not his type

Javier Peña x f!reader

summary: you are helping at Chucho’s ranch and Javier thinks you are still definitely not his type

warnings: as usually SMUT ( vaginal fingering, oral -m!receiving, male masturbation, protected p in v, biting, hair pulling), cursing, soft!Javi - cuz that’s my favorite genre of Javi -, just a smudge of angst, mentions of bullying, mentions of food, fluff  

word count: 10.5 k (I like them big I guess *wink wink*)

A/N: I planned to start my Marcus Pike fic but then this idea popped into my head and I just had to write it. This is basically just a long friends to lovers fic.

Javier Peña is not a simple man – far from it. He is bitter and hot-headed, and he feels small no matter what he does – he should have done better, he should have been smarter, quicker. He shouldn't have been such an idiot. Maybe then he wouldn’t be now standing in front of his childhood home. Maybe then...  

But no matter what Javier thinks of himself he is a good man. He is caring and always wants to do the right thing – even if the consequences of his actions make him look like a bad guy. He doesn’t care – or he does but doesn’t let it show. Doesn’t want people to know that perhaps he is not as strong as he seems. Doesn’t want them to know that he cares – sometimes too deeply. Doesn’t want them to know he might feel – it's better if he seems unapproachable and looks like if you'd touch him, he'd burn you too greatly - so much that you would want to do nothing with him ever again.

So Javier feels the weight of all of his sins drop into his stomach when he keeps standing on the porch of Chucho’s house with a suitcase that he had packed with himself from Bogotá. He wanted to leave all of his old life behind but some memories stay with things that are bound to them.

He feels like a little boy again when he came home crying because lads – older and bigger than him – were picking on him. He feels like the little boy who hid behind the skirts of his dear mama when guests came to visit. That’s why he wants to look so tough, that’s why he is so hard around the edges – he changed, Bogotá changed him so he wouldn’t have to feel that small ever again. But even that didn’t help. Deep inside he is still that little boy. He can hide behind his bravado - his stern scowl and cold gaze- but that fact will never change.

He doesn’t know how long he has been standing there until the door swings open – almost hitting him in the face – and he sees Chucho standing in the doorway. His signature cowboy hat on his head and that old red flannel shirt he bought him on Christmas ages ago seems a little tighter around his middle than he'd last seen him in it. He is older – slower, the age showing on his face. But when he smiles as he sees Javier in front of him he looks 30 years younger.  

Javier looks a lot like his pops – he has the same nose that he hated when he was younger – and pops had the same colored dark hair once that curls if it gets too long. They have the same dimple on the left side of their face if they smile too hard and like his pops, Javier could never really grow a proper beard.  

Pops hugs him as if he hadn't seen him in ages – and to be honest, that is true. Work and life always got in the way and he regrets all the time he missed with him. He also didn’t want to come home – his mother’s things were still everywhere in the house. Her pictures, the warms blankets - that Javier loved to wrap around himself on the colder nights in Laredo - scattered on the armchairs and couch. He didn’t want to see Pops sad and so he stayed behind in Bogotá drowning in work, booze and women. The Peña men had different ways of grieving. Chucho never said anything to Javi though – he didn’t blame him for not coming, didn’t yell at him for letting him be alone on holidays – and he should have. He should do all those things because maybe then Javier wouldn’t feel like such a bad son.  

When they part Chucho smiles – he didn’t smile a whole lot after Javi's mom died. “It's good to see you, Javier.” He pats him on the back – a little clumsily, Javier notices but he puts a tight smile on his face. He missed a whole lot.

“You too, pops. How have you been?” It’s a question he knows the answer to. He always answers the same – busy. After the death of his wife Pops seemed to spend most of his day outside working on a ranch. Barely coming home to eat or drink. Wanted to occupy his mind. “Seems like you started actually eating as I said.” Pops waves his hand back at him.

“You calling me fat, mijo?” Javier opens his mouth to answer but Pops beat him to it, his belly shaking a little with laughter. “Someone has been helping me out for a while now. Cooking and cleaning the house once in a while.” Javier quirks an eyebrow at this and he pushes the small suitcase as he enters – now his home, too. It didn’t change here in the slightest. Pops throws him a look above his shoulder as he looks him up and down quickly. “Seems like you have been skipping out on meals, my boy. Come, Bee is here and the lunch should be already done. She made Pozole de Pollo o Guajolote. Your mother's recipe.” Javi stands straighter at the nickname. Surely he didn’t mean...

The delicious smell coming from the kitchen makes his stomach rumble and he doesn’t remember the last time he had a proper meal. He abandons the suitcase in the hallway after he takes off his boots and jacket that he puts on the old wooden hanger for coats he made with Pops when he was around 12 –its asymmetrical and weird-looking seeming like it was made by a child – which it was but it’s a memory Javier is very fond of.  

The floors creak under Javier's quick footsteps and he stops in the doorway as he watches you fuss around his dad. His entire body softens, the crease in his forehead disappearing as he sees you in the Peña kitchen. The past coming into the present. Prepping the silverware on the table that lays in the middle of the smaller kitchen. He sees that Pops kept everything in place like it was even before the death of Javi's mother. He missed this place. Even though bittersweet memories crawl out on the surface of his mind and his heart aches like it hadn’t in a really long time.

“Seems like you are a busy bee, Bee.” Javier smirks when you look up at him. You didn’t really change after the last time he had seen you. Sure, you aged – as has he – but you still kept your spark from all those years ago. You smile fondly – and a little unsure – at him as you quickly wipe your hands on the apron wrapped around your middle. And Javier notices - of course, he does. The hesitation in your step when you walk to him. The little twitch of your lips you make when you are nervous.

He is an observant man. He watches and analyzes. And he is good at it too - you squirm under his intense gaze. As if he could see every little part of your soul, even the deepest secrets you kept hidden somewhere back down inside of you. That’s why he is such a good agent. Was, at least. His dark eyes shift to your cleavage just for a second. You don’t notice - his eyes quickly scanning you up and down.

He looks good. Even better than the last time you saw him. The mustache he grew suits him. His hair is longer than he had when he went to high school with you. He is broader and seems even taller. He is a man now, not the little boy you played hide and seek with. He still wears the same smirk on his lips though - that kind of smirk that meant trouble when you two were younger. His jeans hug him in just all the right places and the black shirt he is wearing makes him somehow look even hotter. All man.

“You know me. Never could keep still.”

And he does. He does know you. Or at least he did - when you two were just young kids, then stupid teenagers and suddenly - strangers too. You grew up at the Peña dinner table as much as your own. Your mothers were great friends, your fathers old buddies. You had a farm right next to them which you eventually sold when your folks passed away and it was just too much work for only you alone. You bought a small house with the money you received.  

Javier still remembers when he first saw you – all toothy grin and two braids sitting on top of your head. You wore that stupid flowy dress in an ugly mustard color. You were more of the outgoing type and Javier – to everyone's surprise – was more of the lonely kid. He was smaller than his peers – smaller than you even, when you first met him. And he doesn’t remember why you started talking to him and wanted to become his friend but he didn’t complain at that time. You visited him almost every single day – looking for mischief all around. Broken glasses and bones were nothing new to both of you. The two of you were inseparable – until high school. Javier – for once in his life, thanks to you - didn’t feel so small anymore. He grew up to be a handsome and smart, confident and funny, pretty charming and self-assured young man. Girls started noticing him and he loved the attention – when their heads turned around to look.  They thought he never noticed. But alas, Javier was an observant boy even back then and he noticed – his cockiness getting on your nerves sometimes. He never wanted to feel small again.  

And like almost every girl – you developed a huge crush on him.  But it wasn’t because he was tall and cocky, no. It was simply because you knew the real Javier – your Javi. Who hated being alone and who hated going to the church every Sunday – hiding in the dusty, covered in spider webs attic. He never noticed you – like he noticed the other girls. He never gave you that loop-sided grin or the puppy heart-filled eyes. You were just great friends - even when you wished for more. And one day you weren't even that.

You should have seen it coming, really. With Javier becoming popular, he started hanging out with you less and less. When you came to Peña's household he was already out with his new friends. And you always came running to him like a pathetic little puppy who comes to his owner no matter how many times they kick him. His friends laughed at you. And later on, he started laughing with them. He got a girlfriend – Lorraine, the sweet and perfect Lorraine – before you two stopped talking. The old memory still stings when you think about it.  

It happened on one of those super warm summer nights in Laredo. You wore one of your favorite dresses. It hugged your curves and you thought you look absolutely beautiful in it – your mother said so too. You asked Javi if you could meet up at your spot – the old scrap yard just a couple minutes' walk from both of your houses. When you arrived there your stomach dropped to your feet – his friends sitting with him on your favorite car that was reserved for only you and Javi. Laughing and drinking booze, the atmosphere lose. But you didn’t feel lose – your muscles taunt and all you wanted to do was just turn on your heels and leave. Cry about this stupid little crush you had on this stupid Texas boy. But Javier spotted you before you could do so – somehow he could always spotted you even in the biggest of crowds.

“Bee! Come and join us!” He yelled, one of his hands shooting into the air as he held an unopened can of beer. And with his other hand...he was holding Lorraine. They were close to each other – her almost sitting on his lap as she placed kisses on the column of his throat. You swallowed the ball of anxiety that was building in your throat as you heard them whisper: “Why did you call her, man?” He didn’t answer as he smiled at you. Lorraine's eyes squinting at you in annoyance.

Clearing your throat you asked: “Javi, can we talk?” He just shrugged his shoulders as he hopped off from the roof of the car mumbling a quick “sure”. He wasn’t wearing a t-shirt – you noticed just then. The sun was slowly setting and his golden skin shined. The butterflies in your belly made you want to go home and squeal into your pillow. You gulped and a few of his friends whistled – noticing the once-over you gave him.

“Someone has an admirer here, Peña. Too bad she is so fat and ugly! Like a pig – oink oink!” All of them bursted into laughter and to your surprise – so did Javier. He laughed straight into your face and you fought the tears in your eyes to not spill as you finally turned on your heel – as you should have done much sooner – and left. You didn’t see the remorseful look in his eyes and the way his muscle twitched, his mind screaming at him to go after you. He never wanted to feel small ever again and his friends said you were a loser – people like him shouldn’t talk to people like you. He didn´t want to be loser again.

Lorraine pulls him by the shoulder back to her – her tongue plunging into his mouth and when they pull apart she grins, the long nails of hers scraping across his golden-tanned chest.  

“Forget about her, Javi. You don’t need her.” He nodded – unsure – but he didn’t have time to think about it too much as her tongue fought with his once more – the heavy taste of beer on her tongue filling all of his senses.

After that, you stop talking to Javier. You still came to his house - with your mama - but you didn’t greet him anymore and he was pretty sure you told your and his mother as well, as they always threw him a dirty look whenever he was in the same room as you. You didn’t look at him and you didn’t acknowledge his presence anymore. He hated that he felt so small again even though he didn’t have a reason to. He had friends and a girlfriend, and all the girls threw themselves at him. So why does his stomach pull tight anytime he is near you, why does he feel like he lost peace of himself?  

One day he decides he has had enough. Both of your mothers went outside to catch the last rays of the sun and you are alone in the kitchen – baking your famous apple pie. He sneaks behind you and cages you in. You feel his breath on your neck, the slow raise and fall of his chest. You turn around – your noses almost touching – and he sees the hot fury in your eyes. You are covered in flour and Javier thinks – just for a split second - he had never seen you look so fucking beautiful. His gaze lingers on your mouth maybe a little too long because he sees you are talking – your mouth opening and closing.

“What do you want, Javier?” You ask and he had never heard you so annoyed, so drained. You didn’t look like yourself anymore and didn’t sound like it too.  

“Us to start talking again, Bee.” Because Javier is selfish and he takes and takes. Sometimes forgetting to give something back in return. He widens his eyes when he feels the sting on one of his cheeks – his head moving to one side with the force of it. You slapped him. He looks at you – you are all wide eyes and snarling teeth.  

“Fuck you, Peña.” You quickly try to scramble away from him because you feel like crying again. No because of sadness – no. That sadness turned into raw fury after the incident at the scrap yard. Because of how idiotic and stupid he is. And because – no matter what he had done and told you – you can’t seem to shake off the crush you have on him. He grits his teeth and his hand grabs your wrist. Both of your breathing erratic.

“It's not my fault you are not my type, Bee.” He didn’t mean to say that - the words coming from his mouth sound foreign to him. Not right. But his hot temper gets the best of him and the way he said and what he said should not hurt that much. But it does. It feels like he had just stabbed you in the heart and then twisted the knife – deeper and deeper.

You yank away from his grip and you point a finger at him – your hand shaking with the hurt, anger, sadness, Everything coming at you in waves - it feels so fucking overwhelming. You want to scream at him, kick him, hurt him as much as he had hurt you. But what good would it do? None.

You exhale shakily and Javier waits for the fight but it doesn’t come. You shrink into yourself and turn to leave. You look at him above your shoulder as you whisper. “I hate you so fucking much, Javier Peña.” And you are gone.

The heavy weight of your words lingers in the air and he feels the hot tears running down the apple of his cheeks. He quickly wipes them away. His ears are ringing and he doesn’t hear your mother yelling at you about what happened. He doesn’t smell your apple pie burning in the oven. He fucked up. Because he will never get to talk to you again or feel your touch. He will never hear you laugh and he will never get to comfort you again when you cry. Because the only source of your sorrow is him – the stupid Texas boy you now despised.  

Javier comes to present and you give him a quick side hug telling him to sit down. Chucho watches both of you and he prays that you are both wise enough now to sort out this little grudge you have. But you are also both too stubborn and the dinner passes in silence. The only sound is the clinking of silverware cutting through the thick air and sometimes Chucho quips in to ask Javier about Colombia - Javier doesn’t want to talk about that, though. So he stays quiet as he chews - the food tastes exactly like his mother’s.

When Javier sneaks a quick look at you he thinks that maybe he wasn’t such an idiot. The bitterness from your last talk makes his face twist. He hates how - even after all these years - you seem to not acknowledge him even though you try to stay as polite towards him as possible. As if you just look through him and not at him. He watches as you pass his pops a salt and you grin at something he says.

And yeah, you are still definitely not his type.

Javier sees you almost every day. It drives him fucking crazy. The way you just nod at him when he passes by or is in the same room as you – which is mostly kitchen -, the way you don’t answer his questions about you. How have you been, what did you do after high school? He only knows your folks passed away shortly after he left for Colombia – Chucho told him over the phone. Your parents felt like second ones to him. He wanted to call you after Chucho told him, he really did. But he didn’t know your number – that was just an excuse, he knows that and he also knows Chucho would have given it to him if he asked. He feared that you would hang up on him, that if he heard your broken voice he would book the closest flight to come to you. After all – you were best friends a long time ago.  

Javier wants to know everything about you – but you give him nothing. You are just a big complicated riddle to him and he has no hints to figure you out. He notices you though and the things you still do. You still enjoy watching sunsets as you did when you were younger. And that you talk to plants when you water them or that you still secretly go and feed horses a few sugar cubes even though you really shouldn’t. That you still hum when you cook and squint your eyes on either him or Chucho when they enter the kitchen because you don’t like when somebody disturbs you while you are in you’re your element. You always liked to bake and cook – often sneaking into the kitchen with him late at night because he wanted cookies and you gave in and baked them. Because he asked you to and said please – Javier never said please often and that habit he kept.

So because you don’t seem happy when he wants to talk to you or occupies the same room – you actually don’t seem happy with his presence in general and that makes his heart tighten even if he doesn’t understand why – he spends most of his day tending to the ranch. Feeding the animals and fixing the old barn. Today he started fixing the old fence that didn’t even look like a fence at all anymore. He grunts as he stands up – he is getting old and his back is fucking killing him. The Texas sun makes him sweat, he smells and he feels thirsty – has felt thirsty for a while now. But he knows it's afternoon and you are probably in the house cooking. He contemplates it – he doesn’t want to see you uncomfortable around his sheer presence but fuck. He feels like he could drink a whole gallon of water. Fuck it, he thinks as his steps lead him to the Pena house. You knew he was coming back home – if you didn’t want to stick with him, you wouldn’t.  

When he is finally inside and the sun doesn’t burn his face, he takes off his yellow aviators and the thick working gloves. He is covered in sweat and dirt and as he enters the kitchen you think he never looked better. But he always does in your eyes and you hate yourself for it. You gulp and turn your back to him as you try to quickly scribble the things you need to get at the farmers market today. Your body stiffens when he walks behind you – his shirt brushes against your shoulders - and grabs one of those old funny-looking glasses you painted together when you were probably around 9. The air thickens and the atmosphere is awkward – you both want to say something but nothing comes out of your mouths. Finally, Chucho enters and he looks at Javi and then back at you.

“Go shower, mijo. You are going with Bee today.” It's an order and Javi doesn’t want to argue. His house, his rules. Quite the opposite – maybe the change of setting will finally let you loosen up and you will talk to him. He wants to say to you so much. He looks at you and you gape at Chucho as he throws you a pointed look. You swiftly shut your mouth – Javier taking the steps by two as he wants to scrub himself squeaky clean as soon as possible. He feels positively giddy – it reminds him of the times when he got his first car and drove around Laredo with you.  

When he comes down the hushed conversation between you and Chucho comes to a halt and he looks between you two before Chucho almost pushes you out of the house. You drag your feet behind you and the giddiness he felt leaves him as he sees your “enthusiasm”. He wants to go and hide in the nearest hole, lick the wounds he pretends he doesn’t have but you are already sitting in the passenger seat by the time he gets his head out of the gutter.

The ride is awkward, filled with silence and you squirm every once in a while in your seat. You glance at Javier's profile a few times – his strong jawline and his aquiline nose. You stare at his hands and how come they are so big? The veins are prominent on the back of them - leading to the thick fingers, nails trimmed neatly. His hair is longer now after a few weeks already spend at home. He looks better than when he arrived. Now he didn’t look as...tired. And as skinny – he always devours the meals you cook and you can see him filling up around the middle. His arms were much stronger and more muscular than before because of all the work he did on the ranch. Domesticity looks good on him. You watch as he grips the wheel and see his jaw tick before he sighs.

“I am sorry, Bee.” You raise your brows at him when he glances to see your reaction to his words. He never was good with them “actions speak louder than words” he always said. “I am sorry for what I said and how I treated you during high school. I was a fucking idiot and if I could take it all back-”

“You were.” It's a simple phrase, your words coming out fast and he grips the steering wheel tighter when your hand lands on his thigh. “But that’s all I ever wanted to hear, Javier. Yes, your words and actions hurt me in the past. And they still hurt me now when I think about them. But there's nothing we can do about it now. We were kids and if it didn’t happen I don’t think I would become the person I am now so I accept your apology even if it could have been a better one. You should really work on your people skills.” You shrug your shoulders as you tease him and the hand that was resting on his thigh moves into your lap once again. He wants to tell you you could have kept it there – it felt too fucking good even if it was such a simple and innocent touch. It grounded him and Javier is touch deprived.

“So, that’s it?” He asks, his tongue poking out to lick his lower lip as he raises his eyebrows while he watches the road.  

“Yes, that’s it.”

The conversation flows smoothly after that and Javier can't believe it was that easy. If he apologized much sooner he could have been talking to you for weeks now. He missed this – your talks. You talked with your hands a lot and he enjoys how expressive you are when you are telling something. He learns a lot about you. You own a little bakery here - that’s why you are so flexible and can come almost anytime to the ranch. He feels proud of you – your dream was always to open a small bakery somewhere. At least one of us could make their dream come true. 

You laugh and talk, and tell stupid jokes or occurrences that happened in your life. He missed a whole lot and so have you. Your favorite story of his is when he told about the time his neighbor – an old lady – saw him butt naked because the woman he slept with locked him out of his own apartment after he told her he wanted nothing serious. His neighbor called him over to have some fun which he politely declined. You double over laughing and Javi grins, his cheeks hurting. He missed your laugh – he didn’t feel this comfortable ever since...well ever since you stopped talking.  

The ride passes quickly and when you step out of the car you come around – grabbing Javis's hand as you mumble something about “want to show you around here, Javi, so much changed after you left” as you throw him a quick grin. He can only concentrate on your nimble fingers between his and how it feels so fucking right before you are dragging him behind you.

You are not his type he has to remind himself as he squeezes your hand tightly.

Javier comes into the house all muddy once again. It has been raining in Laredo for the past few days - the land all soaked soil and dirt. He takes of his boots before he enters. His nose drags him into the kitchen as he catches the smell of pie. Sweet and delicious - or was it just you, standing here all soft and pretty? He can't tell anymore. These past few weeks were filled with nothing but joy – almost. You played cards with him and Chucho late at night, drinking beer and listening to Chucho's stories. Sometimes you went riding with him on the ranch. Your love for horses didn’t die out and you always were natural with them. You have your favorite one too – the small chestnut-colored mare with a fiery temperament that seems to tolerate only you. Chuho wanted to sell her a long time ago but you begged him on your knees – literally – not to. His eyes softened and he agreed reluctantly – he could never say no to you. Something both Peña men had in common. 

 Anytime Javier looks at you he feels his stomach tighten with something – sometimes arousal but he blames that on the lack of sex, sometimes on something entirely else. He tries to push it deep inside him but whenever he catches your smell his head gets all dizzy and he has the need to find you and talk to you, be near you He hates it. He hates it so fucking much. He doesn’t know what you did to him. He can't seem to shake you out of his mind. He thinks of you anytime he sees the sun setting down or the last time he picked violets for you as he saw them growing a few miles away from the ranch. Because you love violets. He gave them to you with a darker shade of red covering his ears as he scratched his neck. You thanked him and kissed him on the cheek then – his heart hammering in his chest, his pulse quickening and his lower half seemed all too interested in the skin-to-skin contact. As your lips lingered on his cheek as he thought about against what other parts of him would they feel so soft.

  Javi leans against the doorframe as he watches you knead the dough – one of the pies already in the oven. You look so nice in your overalls. He could just bend you over the kitchen counter and -

 Shut the fuck up, Peña. Don’t even think about getting hard.

 You startle when you turn around and see him, your dough-covered hand flying to your chest as you yelp. “Javier Peña, don’t scare me like that!” You scowl at him, your lip pursed and he grins – his hands shooting into the air in a silent apology. 

“Didn't mean to, Bee.” The corner of his lips pulls up as you murmur “sure you didn’t" and turn back around to put more flour in the dough. He quickly washes his hands in the sink and comes behind you – he inhales your scent and closes his eyes. The hair on your neck stands up. “You smell so fucking good.” It's a quiet statement. You look at him wide-eyed and he gives you a confused look in return.

 “What did you say?” Your throat pulls tighter. Shit, shit, shit. 

“Uh-um, that if you'd show me how you knead the dough.” He closes his eyes – idiot, idiot. You breathe out a small “oh” and shake the shock off of you as you nod and come behind him as you grab his hands in yours. 

And fuck, Javier thinks his pulse went from zero to a hundred in this second. His heart feels like it will jump out of his chest any second. Your small hands on his makes him think back to a few weeks ago.

 You stayed at Peñas that night.  You always drove back home but that night it was raining a lot and it was too late anyways. You agreed as Chucho asked you if you wanted to stay – they had a smaller spare room right next to Javis. You bid them both good night and fell asleep quickly after that. You were exhausted but a scream woke you up and you swiftly stood up on your feet and scrambled into Javier's room. He sat on the bed – all sweaty, his breath quick as his head rested in his palms. He looked up at you when the old wooden floor creaked under your footsteps. He cleared his throat and tried to hide from you. You crouched in front of him and offered him a little smile. 

 “You don’t have to hide from me, Javi.” And then he was pulling you into him, breathing you in, his hands pulled around you tightly as he sobbed into your shoulder. He was exhausted of pretending everything was fine. The weight of all the things that he did in Colombia came crashing down on him. You just shushed him as he listened to your heartbeat – his head on your chest, your hand in his as you stroked the back of it. When he finally calmed down he told you everything – the things he did, the things he should have done and the things he shouldn’t have. He told you about Los Pepes and Carilo, and the nightmares that still haunted him. 

 “I am just a shell of a man I once was, Bee.” He whispered into the night and you grabbed both sides of his face as you frowned at him.  

“You are far more than that, Javi.” He wanted to kiss you right there and then but you pulled him on your chest again and he breathed you in once more. The slow rise and fall of your chest lulls him to sleep. He never slept that well in his life.  

When he woke up the other side of the bed was cold but the smell of you – like an apple pie – lingered on the other pillow and he wanted to drown in it. He stroked himself at the thought of you as he smelled the pillow. Your soft hands and the feel of your breasts against his face, the small brush of your lips against his forehead. He came embarrassingly quickly and couldn’t look you straight in the eyes for a few days after that. Neither of you talked about that night. As if it never happened.

So now he curses himself as he feels how he twitches in his pants – the soft swell of your breasts pressed up against his back. The collar of his shirt is a bit too tight as well as his pants. For fucks sake, Peña. He hasn’t slept with anyone since he came back home and it showed. You don’t seem to notice though. 

“You are pretty clumsy with your hands, Javier.” He chokes on seemingly nothing and almost pushes you onto the ground as he stumbles a few steps back. Let me show you how good with my hands I can be - 

“Gotta take a shower.” He says and he takes the steps by two - almost falling over. He closes the door of the bathroom with little more force than necessary. He scrambles with his closes almost ripping them from him and he grabs his aching cock – tugging on it firmly as a spurt of precum shoots out of the head. He steps into the shower – the spray of cold water not helping him calm down his hammering heart or the way his skin seems to be on fire. He strokes himself quickly – the strokes measured as he thinks of your pretty lips around him or that pretty pussy you sure have. He thinks of the swell of your breast on his back, your breath on the back of his neck, your hand in his, your pretty smile and kind eyes. He thinks about how you would feel around him if he pounded into you from behind or what sounds would you make when he would go down on you. How wet would you be? Are you the quiet type or would he have to put his fingers – or something else – in your mouth to shut you up?  

He grunts and his forehead bumps onto the cold tiles of the shower as he cums. He watches how the water downs his spend and he tries to wash the guilt he feels off of him too. 

You are not his type, he thinks as he tugs on his cock for the final time. 

You are going on a date. Javier watches with a frown on his face as you fumble around to finish the dinner. You are wearing a pretty dress – a light green one with a flowy skirt that exposes the whole expanse of your back. The strings on your shoulder are the only thing keeping it in place. You look absolutely incredible. He didn’t want you to go. Fuck, what if the guy was some kind of psycho? Or worse, what if he was actually a decent guy and you'd stop helping Chucho because you would be too occupied with your new little boy toy? What would Chucho do without you – yes, Chucho of course, not Javier. Javier wasn’t jealous and he definitely wasn’t praying that your date would end up in disaster...Okay, he felt jealous. Like “I will rip that guy in shreds” type of jealous.  

And Javier would be alone tonight – Chucho left in the morning to visit his “friend” - he knows he went to Mária living across from the barber's shop. He didn’t say anythimg – the lie falling out of Chucho’s lips easily. And he felt happy for him – him moving on meant he was healing. Slowly but healing. Javi wanted to do something nice for you two tonight– the store-bought cheesecake lying in the fridge. He thought that you could watch TV today – watch anything you wanted. Maybe then he would slip his hand under the hem of your dress and he would -

“Javi!” You wave your hand in front of his face and he blinks a few times. You even put on makeup – the red lipstick making your lips look downright edible and he licks his own lips. He could pull you in and make you forget about your silly little date. But for once in his life Javier didn’t want to be greedy when it came down to you – you seemed so excited when you told him you had a date and he planted on the best fake smile on his face he could muster. Even though he felt sick to his stomach when you told him, his fingers twitching to catch your wrist and pull you close – to tell you you should fuck that guy and stay with him tonight. “You listening?”

“Sorry, what did you say?” You groan in annoyance – already running late – and you grab him by the collar – oh, he likes this a lot. You are so fucking close he feels your breath fan across his face.

“Listen, Javi. I don’t have time for this. The Chiles Rellenos are in the oven so they won't get cold as quickly. If it gets cold just put it in the microwave.” he nods – he knows this, of course – but wants to keep you busy because maybe then your date would cancel – no, he can't.

“Okay.” He says slowly and you let go of the collar of his shirt – just now noticing you grabbed him by it. You pull away from him. “If anything-”

“I call you. You already told me. Don’t worry, dad. I'll be fine.” You grin and turn on your heel waving a quick goodbye before the doors shut behind you. Javier gulps the growing ball in his throat and curses at himself. Idiota. But you know - of course you are not his type.

Javier watches the starry sky tonight. The cheesecake forgotten in the fridge alongside your dinner – he felt so sick to his stomach he was pretty sure he'd throw up if he ate anything. The warm blanket his mother knitted lays heavy on his shoulder as he looks at the sky – millions of stars showing tonight. You'd love to see it – maybe you already are. Star-watching sounds like the kind of date you would have loved. He fiddles with the handle of his mug filled with hot cocoa in his lap and thinks. About how he got here, about his fuck ups – and the biggest fuck up he has ever done was to let you go on that stupid date, he concludes. Okay, maybe not the biggest fuck up but close enough. He straightens up when he spots a car pulling into the driveway – your car. A small grin makes its way onto his lips until he sees your sagged shoulders and the slow way you drag your heels behind you.  

“You have room for another in there?” You ask – your voice small compared to when you left. Pointing a finger at the spot next to him. He nods quickly and when you sit he immediately wraps the blanket around your shoulders – your head resting on his shoulder. It's quiet for a while as he offers you his mug and you drink from it leisurely. He knows you will tell him what happened if you want to. The silence is not awkward – it’s a comfortable one. He always feels comfortable with you. You pull away from him and put the mug on the ground – pulling your knees close to your chin.

“Can I ask you something?” You look at him from the corner of your eye, your words muffled by your knees.  

“Anything, Bee.” And he means that. You could ask him anything in the world and he would answer you no matter what question.  

“Why am I not your type? You know, cuz it seems I am no one's type.” He knows you are referring to the time when he was angry at you after you slapped him. But he didn’t mean to say it. He doesn’t know how to answer – his tongue heavy all of the sudden and fuck, why is so hard to just tell you.

Rather than answering you he twists his torso so he can look at you – really look at you. The moonlight shines on half of your face and how did he never notice how pretty your eyes were? Or your plush lips, your soft hair? He gulps as he reaches forward tentatively – his palm resting on the side of your face now. And he expects you to pull away – to tell him to fuck off. But you don’t. His throat is dry and he feels like his lungs can't seem to have enough oxygen in them because his brain seems to stop functioning too. He brushes his fingertips across your cheek and you would have never expected that Javier Peña could be so gentle with his touch. He looks at your lips – your mouth open just a tiny bit and he sees your Adam's apple bob. Do you want this as much as he does? Or is he imagining things and projecting his own fucked up desires and feelings onto you at this very moment? He doesn’t have much time to think about it before your fingers tangle into his hair at the back of his head, his breath picks up and your mouth surges forward – your lips meeting his.  

He feels like fireworks just exploded in his stomach. His skin tingles and his hands brush against the front of your dress. Your hand on his nape makes him groan into you and he brushes your collarbone with his calloused hand. He wanted this for so long and he didn’t even know about it. The other grabs you by the neck and pulls you even closer – the blanket falling off of you two when you swing your legs on either side of his narrow hips. He presses his lips against yours with more force and he is confident and greedy with it. He curls his hand around your waist and his fingertips dig into your hip while the other hand presses into your shoulder blades. He can feel the blood rushing through his veins and he is warm and fuzzy all over – his body humming with something he never felt before.

You were never kissed this way before – Javier takes, and takes but gives back even more in return. The kiss is impatient and hungry – like he waited for this all of his life. His hands on your skin make you hum out in pleasure and you trail your hand to his jaw – you can feel the stumble he has under your fingertips. You open your mouth to him and the hand on your hip squeezes you tighter, and he wants you closer, closer – this is not enough. Not close enough. And you feel the same as you pull him closer by the collar and he groans into your mouth.  You can taste the warm cocoa on his tongue and his smell invades all your senses – cigarettes, his cologne and something entirely him. Musky and sweet. Your cheeks burn and your palms are sweaty when he pulls away from the kiss – his hands brushing along the exposed skin on your back, his thumb circling your hip. His forehead rests on yours as he tries to calm down and your nails scrape across his exposed chest – he always has a few buttons unbuttoned on his shirt and it drives you insane. He moans when he feels the sensation of your nails on his skin – his hips bucking up to meet yours and you mewl as you feel the bulge press up against your core.

“Fuck, Bee. I want to fuck you so badly. Do you want that too? Tell me. Tell me, please.” Javier Peña said please. He never says please. Yoou nod furiously as you peck him on the lips – his mouth surges to meet yours once again and you lap at his lower lip, your hands fisting into the material of his shirt.  

“Wanted this since I was 16 and crazy in love with you, Javi.” You whisper against his lips and your confession makes his heart beat with joy. You loved him. He grips the flesh on your hips and mumbles a breathy “okay” before he stands up and carries you with him – your legs wrap around his middle. He stumbles a few times and almost trips on the stairs as he keeps kissing you – his tongue nibbling at your collarbones, his hands supporting your weight as he holds you by the back of your thighs.  

When you arrive in his room he throws you on the bed and starts to quickly undress. His fingers shake and he can't seem to unbutton the fucking shirt. Fuck. He stands in front of the edge of the bed and you lean back on your elbows – your gaze heavy with lust. As you see him struggling you crawl onto the edge of the bed and loop your fingers between his belt. He stops and looks at you – you eye the heavy bulge between his thighs and he gulps when your fingers trail his jean-clad cock which jumps with interest under your touch. He has never been this fucking hard before and he knows it's not because for the past few months, the only thing he has been fucking was his fist – it's because of you. “Let me.” You murmur and he nods, he watches your nimble fingers working on his buttons and when he shackles the piece of clothing off him your hands map out his chest, coming down to his belly button and you lick your lips when you see the trail of hairs leading down into the waistband of his jeans. You kiss him right there – on the soft swell of his tummy – and he jumps forward, his hands gripping your head to keep you there. You grin against his skin and your tongue pokes out of your mouth to lick him there – he shudders, and the grip on your head loosens. You pull away from him and your hands start working on his belt – it falls to the ground with a quiet cling of the metal.  

You cup him in your hand through the fabric of his jeans – even now you can feel how heavy he is and that he will feel fucking big inside of you. “You are a big boy aren't you, Javi?” He whimpers at your question and nods furiously as he looks down at you – your gaze immediately locking with his as you are already peering up at him through your eyelashes and you pout at his state. You never expected Javier to be so...needy. He closes his eyes when you squeeze him again and then he hears the sound of a zipper, he feels your breath ghosting over his tip. “No underwear?” He shakes his head and chokes when you lick the salty precum.

“No-no. Fuck. Too uncomfortable.” His eyes close as if he's in pain and his nostril flare when he feels the first velvety slide of your tongue against his cock. Your pulse quickens and you feel too fucking powerful right now as you feel him swell even more in your mouth. You hold his gaze as you pull off of him and flatten your tongue – licking your way to the underside of his cock. His hands cradle the back of your head, his pupils completely blown as he watches you put open-mouth kisses onto the hard warm flesh that jumps under your attention.  

And he is fucking big – his size obvious by sight and by the way he feels around your hand – heavy and warm. But you really feel it when you take him deeper into your throat the girth of his cock opens your mouth wider. The broken sound between a whimper and a groan makes you clench around nothing and he tastes exactly how you imagined him – clean and delicious – exactly like Javier looks. You can't fit all of him in your mouth but you try – focusing on your breathing and relaxing your throat – the squelching sounds of your mouth bobbing up and down his length filling the room. You try to take him deeper and deeper – until you gag around him and pull away. Javis's mouth is wide open when you pull off of him – spit trailing from your lips and connecting you to the swollen tip of his cock. His chest heaves and he swipes his thumb across your bottom lip – collecting the saliva – and puts it in his mouth – he groans with approval and it makes you want to give him more.  You sink your awaiting mouth back onto his cock once more and moan when another spurt of precum lands on your tongue. Your hand is securely wrapped around the base of his cock as you stroke him slowly and you look back up at him.

He looks absolutely and positively wrecked – his hair falling in front of his eyes and sticking to his forehead as he grits his teeth struggling to not make you take him deeper – to not fuck your throat. His grip on your hair tightens as he starts panting harshly and you feel him twitch in your mouth – you can feel he is almost there – but then he pulls back from you.

He almost lifts you into the air as his tongue delves into your mouth – wanting to taste himself on you. The bitterness of himself on your tongue makes him groan into your mouth and you never expected him to be this vocal. He steps out of his jeans and then he is back on you – his fingers working on the straps of your dress while he plants butterfly kisses on the column of your throat. He discards the piece of clothing as if it has offended him somehow and he pulls back to look at you – you can see the muscle on his thigh flex as he tries to keep his balance on his heels. His hands reach back for you – grabbing you under your knees before he is pulling you closer to him. His fingers dip into the waistband of your panties before they are too thrown somewhere behind him.  

His thick fingers work their way inside you without a warning – two of them plunging deep. You are soft, and pliant under him. Your walls squeeze him tight when he moves his finger up, up – until you sob and grab his wrist - to stop him or to plea for him to keep doing that you aren't sure. It never felt like this and he grins against the flesh of your cheek – kissing you there softly. His other hand grabs one of your tits and he pinches the nipple – it hardens under his hard touch. He bends down to suck it into his mouth and your hand shoots out to the back of his head – keeping him there. One of your thighs is firmly planted on his shoulder and his fingernails dig into your ankle, the blunt nails creating crescent shapes. Your heel digs into his shoulder with a particular shove into your cunt – the tips of his fingers brushing against something that makes you hold your breath.

The way you keep repeating his name makes him want to never leave your perfect cunt. His name and the wet sounds of your pussy sucking him in make him light-headed. He wishes no one would call him Javi again after he hears it from your mouth – whiny and high-pitched, filled with the need to let go.  

“Come on, Bee. I can feel you squeezing me. Fucking give it to me. I want you to soak my fingers.” You nod vigorously and sob when his thumb starts drawing harsh circles against your clit. He hits nerves inside of you you didn’t even knew you had before. You take everything he gives – the flick of his wrist, his fingers petting your walls, his mouth on yours. You cum when he bites you into the juncture between your shoulder and neck – his tongue smoothing the bite. You feel him smile against your mouth when you cry out into him – his fingers still working inside of you until you wheeze and tell him to stop. He pulls them out and maps your body with your juices – the slick trail shining under the moonlight that falls onto the both of you.  

He reaches into his nightstand and pulls out a condom – ripping the foil packet between his teeth before he puts it onto his length. He sits up on his heels – his cock bobbing with the movement and you gulp as he pats his thigh – telling you to come to him and you do – all jelly legged and sedated after your first orgasm. He pulls you close by the small of your back and his cock nudges against your entrance when you swing your legs around his waist. His hairy legs stick to the back of your thighs and you can feel the sweat rolling off him – his hands supporting you as you sink down on him. Your mouth forming into an “o” and you let out a breathless moan. You knew he was big – as his girth opened up your mouth more and the weight of him heavy on your tongue. But this feels entirely different. You squirm on his lap and he grunts – his other hand coming down onto the flesh of your ass. The pinch you feel as he fills you completely is uncomfortable and you grip his bicep – your nails digging into the flesh there. He hisses and kisses you – the kiss languid and slow. His tongue traces your mouth and your grip loosens – your muscles start to relax.

 “Javi, you are so big.” You don’t say him to make him feel better or feed his ego – it's just a fact. Clear and simple. His nose bumps against yours and he looks into your eyes – he is so close he is breathing the oxygen you exhale. 

 “I know, hermosa. But you can take it. Can’t you?” The new term of endearment falling out of his mouth is surprising but welcome nevertheless. He waits for your answer as he fights himself not to move – your walls squeezing around him and he counts to five so he doesn’t cum right now like some kind of fucking teenager.

  Javier slept with a lot of women. One night stands, prostitutes, his fiancé. But he never felt like this with anyone. His heart never hammered in his chest so quickly and the blood in his veins didn’t boil. His skin never felt like it was on fire by a simple touch. It's new and he welcomes it with open arms. He is tired of fighting and running. This is his new life and it's not too bad – it's better than it ever was. He never feels small with you and he chases that feeling.

 “Yes, I can. I can take it. Please move, Javi.” He listens to your command – the first drag of his cock through your walls feels intoxicating. His hot breath fans against your chest as his forehead rests on it and his hand that was gripping your ass moves to your hip – dragging you up and down his cock as you meet his every perfectly measured thrust. He maps your body and listens to your reactions – he figures out what you like or what you really don’t after a few minutes as he pounds into you.

You don’t know which one of you is louder but it makes him even sexier – the guys you’ve been with before weren't so enthusiastic about it and you felt like they didn’t even wanted to be there – the only hint of them enjoying it was when they came with a quiet grunt and fall onto the bed next to you. Javier is different – he always was – and you live for all the sounds he makes. How he gropes you and maps out your body – his fingers dipping into every crease and curve of your body. And you can feel that in each thrust there is this hidden emotion that he doesn’t want to show. But you grew up with him and can read him pretty well – and your heart swells with the unspoken words. You don’t need to hear them. He will figure it out himself eventually.  

He feels that you are close after he gives you a particularly hardh thrust and you squeal – your nails scratching his muscular back that you’ve been ogling anytime he came out of the shower without a t-shirt or when it was too hot outside and decided the piece of clothing wasn’t necessary in that kind of weather. His mustache scrapes along the flesh on your breasts and you feel his hips shift – the change of position making him feel even bigger. He puts his thumb into your mouth as he looks at you and you suck it – it tastes of you and sweat but you don’t care – as he pulls it out and starts rubbing your clit with it.

 It only takes a few drags of his cock before you are cumming – your clit throbbing as he keeps pressure on it. Your walls squeeze him and he feels like he can't move any further. Your fingers curl into his hair and tug him so he is looking at you. He is all lust-blown eyes and his baring teeth turned into a snarl. You can feel every vein and bump in his cock with every thrust and he twitches inside of you – his hand coming to hold the hinge of your jaw as his tongue tangles with yours once again. It's frantic as are his deep thrusts and you are pretty sure he will break the bed soon – the headboard hitting the wall with every pass of his hips. You admire how fucking lost in you he looks – slack-jawed and dazed. You tug on his hair once more and the reaction is almost instant – his hips faltering for a moment seemingly losing his rhythm. 

“Come on, Javi. I want you to look at me when you cum.” Your requests makes him shut his eyes before he shudders and opens them – your name a broken record when he spills into the condom. You scratch him on the back of his head – your movements slow and languid. He pulls out of you after a moment – when he catches his breath and his heartbeat evens out – even though when he is with you it seems impossible. 

The aftercare is soft and sweet as he lays on his back and pulls you close to him – stroking your spine and kissing the top of your head. 

“Do you want me to leave?” He pulls you tighter against him after you ask him that and he grips your chin so you look at him. 

“Never again, Bee. I want you right here with me.” You sigh in contentment and give him a sweet kiss.

 You are definitely his type, Javier thinks as he feels your breath even out and slowly, he falls asleep too – you in his arms – and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[sehodreams]

hiya!! first off wanted to say i love ur blog and i enjoy reading all ur content but esp look out for ur toxic!riize headcanons those are fun haha, i was wondering if and only if ur comfortable with it cuz it’s a little weird.. but thoughts or a drabble about like bully! or toxic! sungchan with plus size!reader but he likes to tease her for her size sometimes but it’s really just to hide how attracted he is to every aspect of her.. idk like only if you’ve got some ideas, that’s all… thank you and i hope you have a great day!

pinching

TW and tags: oral sex (f receiving), bully!Sungchan x plus size!reader, bullying (duh), heavy dubcon.

WC: 1.8k

Comment: thank you so much hahaha, I'm happy that you like my silly content, I love toxic!riize too, to be honest, I also want to write a toxic!sungchan x plus size!reader, I have an idea but I've been so busy I haven't been able to write properly in days, still, i hope you like this bully!Sungchan. Pd: please look at that picture, I imagined him looking like that the whole time.

You have a couple of memories from that place, like how good it felt to hug your grandmother before bed, how there was a little stall in front of your school that always had tasty sweets, and how there was a little boy you used to walk home with after classes finished.

There wasn’t much objection once your mother said you would go back and live together in your grandmother's place to not leave the house empty. You had a couple of friends, but it was nothing special, so you said goodbye to them and moved with your mother without problem.

You had to admit you were even kind of happy, perhaps you could eat those sweets again, and you wouldn’t be able to hug your grandmother, but at least you would feel her presence with the old floors and flower decorations that surrounded every room, and especially, you hoped you could see him again.

You should've known by that point in your life that having expectations only leaves you with the sour aftertaste of disappointments.

The stall wasn’t there anymore, your mother changed the whole house, leaving no trace of your grandmother behind, and the sweet boy that used to follow you with a smile now followed you to make fun of you.

It was easy to recognize him, he had the same eyes and shiny smile, and you were elated to see a good old friend now all grown up into a real man, but he wasn’t as happy to see you there, showing you a disgusted face once you told him who you were.

‘’Don’t fucking talk to me’’ he said, and you didn’t understand what you had done wrong, perhaps you were too confident, or your perfume wasn’t to his liking, or your hand was sweating too much when you touched him, you had no idea why he reacted like that, but you understood that, just like his appearance, he had changed, because that sweet boy you used to know would never talk to you that way.

Just that interaction was enough to make you never want to approach him again, and you tried to not even look at him when you recognized his voice, you didn't want to hear that tone ever again, and you did your best, but it was useless, you had become his new favourite thing.

At first, he was all words and no bite, throwing comments every now and then about your physical appearance, comparing you to a pig when you ate your lunch in the cafeteria, or mocking your uniform for being bigger than normal because of your size.

His friends only laughed at his comments, and those who weren’t his friends stayed silent, no one dared to approach you afraid of receiving the same treatment.

Then, he started to touch you.

He pinched your arm, telling you to give him your homework to copy it, then it was your cheeks, telling you to stop eating if you didn’t want to gain weight, and then, one day, when all of them had left for EP class and you were searching for your towel in your seat, from behind, he pinched your waist.

You turned to him, scared, it had hurt a lot more than when he did it to your cheek, and he definitely had done it with the intention of hurting you.

When you looked at his face, his typical grin wasn’t there, replaced by a surprised face and curious eyes, and you felt that something wrong was about to happen, so you pushed him out of the way and walked out of there as soon as you could without caring that you left with empty hands.

‘’Where’s your towel?’’ your professor asked you.

‘’I forgot it’’ you answered, not wanting to go back to the classroom.

Later, Sungchan arrived with your towel in his hand, and you got punished for not bringing all the obligatory material.

He got worse.

if he crossed you in the hallways, he would shamelessly pinch your waist until you hissed, and when he found you in the library, between shelves, he would pinch your ass, grinning from ear to ear at the picture of you biting your lips to not make a sound and get in trouble again.

As if everything he did was an innocent game, he smiled at you after nipping you in different parts of your body, like the side of your ribcage when you decided to walk away, the back of your hand when you tried to push him or your thighs when he sat beside you in the cafeteria or the study room.

‘’Why are you doing this?’’ you whispered, pushing his hand away from prying under your skirt and pinching your upper leg.

‘’Look at all that skin, your body is begging for it’’ he answered, grabbing your round hand with force to stop you from getting away, and then when you tried to do it again, he pinched the space of your boob that your bra didn’t cover, making you whimper of pain, laughing at your hurt expression.

‘’It really hurts!’’ you tried to reason with him, but he was a lost case, and he didn’t care that you were full of little purple and green spots, flinching at the mere sight of him lurking around, he wanted more.

This is going to end at one point, you tried to fool yourself.

He’d get tired and leave you alone when he found a new toy, it was impossible he only focused on you the whole time, and even if it was like that, it was your last year. After that, you’d never see him again.

Everything has an end.

Your house was the only safe space you had, even if it wasn’t anything like the warm memory you had about it, it was a place that had never been tainted by Sungchan, not like your school or the streets you walked to get there.

He would sometimes follow you and murmur insults while pretending he was your good friend walking you home, but once you opened your door and saw that he stayed feet away, you would exhale, relieved of him not trying to follow you inside too.

‘’Your friend is waiting for you in your room, I’ll go and buy something for you to eat later’’ your mother smiled, ‘’He’s become such a handsome boy’’.

She, unlike you, was excited to have him there, and you, trying to breathe properly to not show how the panic was consuming you, nodded.

There was nothing you could do to run away, it was your house, and opening your door, you saw him calmly looking at your stuff.

Your pillow wasn’t where you left it, he had definitely been roaming around for a while, invading your space and doing whatever he wanted, like he always did.

Standing in front of your bookshelf, one of your books open in his hands, he recognized your presence.

‘’Thought you would never come, didn’t know you took so many walks’’ he said and went through the pages of it, as if there was exactly something he was looking for, ‘’it doesn’t explain why you still look like that though’’.

‘’Sungchan… I’ve done nothing to you’’ you sounded as if you begging at that point, ‘’why… I don’t get why’’.

‘’I have my reasons’’ he answered, leaving the book where it was.

You flinched when he showed the intention of getting close to you, your hands becoming fists, alert, ready to run to another room in case he tried to hurt you again.

‘’We were friends’’ you said, lower lip trembling, ‘’please stop, Sungchan, it hurts’’.

He saw you like that, broken, vulnerable, and he beamed with it, walking towards you, and you thought your body would listen to you and escape, but it didn’t. Closing your door behind you, he pressed the little secure, making you finally react with the sound of the click, trembling in your place.

‘’But if I don’t touch you, who else will?’’ he whispered, taking your shaking hand, not pinching it this time, he interlocked his fingers with yours and pulled you closer to him, ‘’if you’re good, I’ll stop being so hard with you, what do you think about that?’’ he offered.

You didn’t understand, being good with what? You stayed still, looking up at him, your chest pressed against him, and his other hand went to rest over the small of your back, the generous curve from your ass to your waist that was the object of so many of his jokes.

You could see where the thing was going, and you felt yourself get nauseous with his aroma flooding your room and his temperature making you hot with almost no distance between your bodies.

‘’My mom will come back in any second…’’ you didn’t know what other excuse to use.

‘’I’ll be quick’’ his tongue poked out and wet his lips, sending a signal to your brain that screamed just be good and finish it.

‘’Will it hurt?’’ your face betrayed you, plainly showing all the fears you had, giving him, once again, the upper hand.

‘’Not anymore’’ he assured you. His hand that used to bring you so much pain suddenly became gentle and trailed up, caressing your arm with multiple marks from him, groping your chest a few times before he cupped your face. You didn’t make a single sound, not the hiss you always left out when he pinched you, or the cry when he was being too much, ‘’well done’’ he praised you when you let him open your thighs with his leg.

He quickly found his place, your pants were somewhere in your room, and his head was between your trembling legs, slurping all the involuntary wetness your body made you drip to accept him and not suffer.

Not being able to say his name properly, you moaned when his palms gripped your meaty thighs a bit too hard and his tongue found your entrance, bumping his nose against your clit between your plump folds, making you squirm at the intense sensation of him eating you out like a hungry man.

Your hands went to his hair, and you don’t know what flooded you, but you felt free to hurt him too, so you pulled his hair and moved your hips to crash his face, using him instead of the way around.

Then it felt good, to hurt him felt really good, and you thought, maybe this is why he does it, because you had never felt so powerful and in control before, especially with him.

Looking down, you two made eye contact even with your chubby stomach prodding out. His eyes had nothing of the mockery they always showed, completely lost instead, and you whimpered when he seemed pleased to have you focusing on him and what he was doing.

Not much after he started fucking you with his tongue the knot in your stomach started to feel so tight you knew it would snap in any second, so closing your large legs around his head, you crushed his head as much as you could while cumming, overflowing over his mouth and nose, asphyxiating him for a few seconds before you relaxed and finished giving him all you had.

He didn’t move away, gulping your juices and then moving his mouth up to leave a loving peck on your clit, as if he was proud you had abused him like that, and before he caught his breath again, he talked. ‘’See? This didn’t hurt’’ he smiled with the lower half of his face glistening with your orgasm.

[elsecrytt]

gojo only ever being needed and not wanted broke my hearttt noooo. i just love gojo x mundanity so so much. all he wants in life is a quiet peaceful life with someone who just sees him without his six eyes. there will always be something so bittersweet about that mostly cuz he'll never allow himself to have that life completely:/

i've seen that one post going around that's like "“if i cannot be wanted, i will be needed and if i cannot be needed, let me be used until there’s nothing left of me” and although i don't think gojo is actually that self-sacrificing, i do see a bit of him in there.

like, we know for sure he treasures "youth" and in particular his own "youth" very deeply. we see the s2 opening with him in high school with geto and the other students, doing just regular things, looking genuinely happy and having tons of fun.

gojo used to smile and laugh with people. people who were his peers. and maybe that was mostly possible because they were peers then, instead of him being the pinnacle of sorcerer society. when kenjaku shows up he gets a minute-long internal flashback of all those old times. it meant a lot to him.

on the other hand, though, gojo is absolutely a bit of a bully deep down. he was still a jerk sometimes in high school (though he DID have a good heart - hence the thing with riko) and he clearly has fun when he's fighting curses lol. he takes a lot of joy in his power, and why wouldn't he? it's kinda all he's got going for him. self-fulfilling prophecy and all.

ngl a bunch of the lines in that piece came from this yandere!gojo wip that's still in the drafts. basically gojo wants a non-sorcerer to play house with and he's ecstatic about this whole "relationship building" thing. he has no hobbies bc everything is easy for him, but his personality - and the circumstances - make winning your love an actual challenge that he can have fun with.

but internally his logic is actually kinda sad and understandable. gojo is worried he'll go insane like geto did. lose all sympathy for regular people, and for other sorcerers, too - maybe his own students.

and if gojo loses it, who's going to stop him?

if gojo loses it, and gives up on humanity like geto did, then what was the point of killing geto in the first place?

that can't happen if he has a non-sorcerer lover. and honestly? i do think gojo genuinely does like people, in the general sense. he likes getting specialty sweets and playing baseball. he takes his students out for meals. the memories we see of his youth? him in the arcade, walking home from school, eating out with his friends.

i think he likes ordinary, mundane things a lot, even if he loves the other parts of his life. he probably loves bugging baristas and fast food employees and passerbys in his life. he is lonely at the top, but with regular people, he can pretend he isn't.

it's tragic, but in a way, it's also an issue of his own making. i don't buy gojo's whole "you can admire a blooming flower, but you can't ask it to understand you" crap. gojo, loneliness and isolation are a part of the human condition. you are NOT the first or only person who feels this way. i'm optimistic that he could get through it if he tried... if gege didn't have it out for him LMAO

[akalikestodraw]

Welp uh(tw vent ig)

As much as I have a terrible memory that kinda seems to get worse at times I still remember a few bad things that happened as a kid(this represents both me and my sona)

Now that I've had access to the internet and I've learned so my I realise just how bad things affect my mental health but it never shows to other cuz unless it's a panic attack no one notices

And I've always feared that it wasn't a big deal and that ppl would say stuff like "but you have a loving mum and family" "you haven't been abused or assaulted so I don't see what's wrong" "everyones sensitive so suck it up"(haha I love growing up in Africa 🥲)

This year was shitty it's getting better kinda but it's still really bad

How would you like your house getting flooded twice, being forcefully separated from your (online)sisters, having a terrible time at high school to the point you cry before getting on the bus, almost losing your sisters again , having your left leg dislocated again and some much more

Terrible flash backs and anxiety plague me but I have to hide it ofc depressive episode even tho short constant dissociation and extreme emotional sensitivity in a country that punishes the weak because they don't understand and think everyone is the same some understand but it doesn't make much difference and being bullied as a kid both for being chubby and sensitive my low self-esteem and being yelled at for defending myself cuz school couldn't care less about my well being I just can't wait to get out of here it's the only hope that keeps me going I just want to live a cozy life snuggling with my partners if it weren't for that hope and all the wonderful ppl here I've met idk if I'd.. still be here ._.

Anyway I have a ton of symptoms for c-ptsd but ofc it'll be years before I can get it professionally diagnosed and I don't want heat for self diagnosing so I'll leave it at that

[winxanity-ii]

MEMORY CARD [1/?]

ship: artist!andy x fem!reader warnings: non-explicit word count: 4.7k (y'all know the routine, tried doing a regular one-shot but ended up worldbuilding 😩😔; part 2 will be up soon) a/n: was talking with my sis about westworld so here we are...(update: it's gonna be 4-5 parts in total cuz @k-nayee. bullied me 😭😔💔 parts: 2

★·.·´🇦‌🇱‌🇮‌🇪‌🇳‌ 🇲‌🇦‌🇸‌🇹‌🇪‌🇷‌🇱‌🇮‌🇸‌🇹‌`·.·★

The train rattled along the tracks, the gentle hum of the engine weaving with the rhythmic clatter of wheels against steel. You leaned your forehead against the cool glass window, watching as the endless plains rolled by in a blur of gold and green.

The faint smell of dust and engine oil filled the cabin, mingling with the scent of freshly brewed coffee from the dining car up ahead.

Each bump in the track sent a subtle jolt through the train, a reminder of the distant frontier you were heading toward.

Behind you, the low murmur of conversation drifted through the air. You weren't trying to eavesdrop, but the voices carried in the cramped space.

"Now, the first time, I played it white hat. My family was here. We went fishing, did the gold hunt in the mountains," one of the men said, his tone smug with nostalgia. There was a pause as he took a swig of something from his flask. "And last time? I came alone. Went straight evil. It was the best two weeks of my life."

His companion chuckled darkly. "Straight evil, huh? What'd you do?"

"Ah, you know," he said with a nonchalant shrug that you could practically hear in his voice. "Burned a few homesteads, robbed a bank or two… Got a nice haul from the bank, but the real fun was in the brothel. Picked a few cute ones—doe eyes, rosey cheeks, the whole works." His voice dipped into something sleazier. "Well, by the time I was done with the first one, let's just say, she wasn't thinking much at all."

You clenched your jaw, your grip tightening on the armrest as your stomach turned at his words.

The casual cruelty in his voice was disturbing, the way he spoke about the hosts like they were nothing more than objects to be used and discarded.

It was the kind of talk that made your skin crawl.

"And you know, the best part?" he continued, his voice dripping with twisted satisfaction. "After I was done, I shot her right in the head. She fell like a goddamn doll. And the way the other girls screamed—man, I've never felt so powerful."

Your heart pounded in your chest, a mixture of anger and disgust swirling inside you. Behind him, his friend laughed, low and crude.

"You're sick, man. But I gotta hand it to you—there's nothing like having absolute control. Makes you realize what you’re missing out on in the real world, doesn't it?"

Kiro, who had been staring out of the opposite window, turned her head sharply, her eyes blazing with indignation. "Ugh, what pigs," she gagged, loud enough for you to hear but quiet enough to avoid drawing attention.

Or so you thought.

You turned toward her, already sensing where this was going. "Kiro, don't," you whispered, trying to catch her eye, but she was already leaning forward, her expression set in a fierce scowl.

"Excuse me," she said, her voice cutting through the men’s conversation like a knife. Both of them turned, startled by the sudden interruption. "What an amazing story," she continued, dripping with sarcasm. "Can you maybe speak a little louder so we can all enjoy hearing about you fucking a decapitated host?"

The entire cabin fell silent. Every conversation around you stuttered and died as heads turned in your direction. The men stared at her, eyes wide in shock, before the one who had been bragging about his exploits found his voice.

"Hey, what the hell is your problem?" he barked, his face flushing with anger and embarrassment.

You reached out, grabbing Kiro's arm in an attempt to pull her back into her seat. "Kiro, please, just—" you began, but she shrugged you off, her gaze never leaving the men.

"Me? Problem?" she said, her voice cold and clear. "Looks like you have the problem, sitting over here bragging about doing sick shit. Sounds like you need a fucking therapist, not a vacation."

The man's face turned an even deeper shade of red as he sputtered, clearly not used to being called out so directly. His companion shifted uncomfortably, looking around at the other passengers who were now watching the scene unfold with varying degrees of curiosity and discomfort.

With a devastated, horrified shriek, you yanked Kiro back down into her seat, your fingers digging into the soft fabric of her dress as you hissed her name. "Kiro!"

The man grunted, shoving himself up from his seat. "Whatever. Let's get out of here," he muttered, jerking his head toward the back of the train. His friend followed suit, and you watched as they made their way down the aisle, their bravado crumbling under the weight of the stares that followed them.

Eventually, the low hum of conversation slowly filled the cabin again, the brief drama fading into the background noise of the train.

You pressed the heel of your hand to your forehead, rubbing at the spot between your eyes where a headache was beginning to bloom. "You can't let it get to you like that," you murmured, leaning closer so only she could hear. "You know it's common to hear things like that in here. Most people come to this place to live out their worst impulses."

Kiro let out a reluctant sigh, her shoulders sagging as she sank back into her seat. "I know," she muttered, a scowl tugging at the corners of her mouth. "But it's still bullshit. It doesn't matter if they're hosts. It's just wrong." She crossed her arms over her chest, her fingers tapping impatiently against her biceps. "And this ridiculous getup doesn't help either."

You glanced at her outfit, your lips quirking into a smile despite the lingering tension.

The soft yellow fabric of her dress shimmered faintly in the afternoon light, the white lace trim at the collar and cuffs adding a delicate, almost ethereal touch. The bodice hugged her frame perfectly, the high waist flaring out into a gentle, flowing skirt that fell just above her ankles.

Matching gloves, made of the same soft material, covered her hands, and a small hat, adorned with a delicate white ribbon, sat perched on her head, complementing her olive skin tone. Her silky straight hair was tied up in an intricate bun beneath the hat, a few stray strands framing her face.

"You look fine," you teased, nudging her gently with your elbow.

Kiro rolled her eyes, but a smirk tugged at her lips as she nudged you back. "Yeah, you can only say that because you’ve been here a hundred times. You're probably more used to wearing this old-western shit than regular clothes."

You laughed, reaching out to playfully pinch her arm. "That's not true," you protested, grinning as she swatted your hand away. "In my defense, the aesthetic is cute." You gestured to your own outfit, smoothing down the dark emerald green fabric of your dress.

The rich, velvety material clung to your figure in all the right places, the cream accents along the hem and sleeves adding a touch of elegance.

The dress was designed in the same style as Kiro's, with a fitted bodice and a flared skirt that swayed with every movement. A small matching hat perched atop your head, the delicate cream ribbon fluttering gently as the train continued its steady journey.

You tugged at your matching gloves, the emerald fabric soft and smooth against your fingers.

"You can't deny it's fun to dress up a little," you added, leaning back in your seat. "Even if it is a bit…anachronistic."

Kiro snorted, her smirk widening into a grin. "Yeah, well, I'd still prefer my jeans and a t-shirt any day over this." She glanced down at her outfit, shaking her head. "I feel like I'm playing dress-up in some weird historical reenactment."

You chuckled, the last remnants of tension melting away as the train rocked gently beneath you. "That's the whole point, though. It’s supposed to be a break from reality."

"Yeah, a break from reality where people think it’s okay to act like total assholes," Kiro muttered, but there was no real bite in her voice. She glanced at you, her eyes softening. "Thanks for trying to keep me out of trouble."

"Always," you said, smiling. "But next time, maybe just let it slide. We're here to have fun, remember?"

Kiro rolled her eyes, but she leaned back in her seat with a sigh. "Yeah, yeah. I'll try to remember that."

The train began to slow, the rhythmic clatter of wheels against tracks softening as it pulled into the station. You felt the change in momentum as it gently rocked to a stop, the hiss of steam filling the cabin.

The conductor's voice, gruff but polite, echoed through the car.

"Welcome to Sweetwater, ladies and gentlemen," he called out, tipping his hat as he moved down the aisle. "Please mind your step as you disembark. Have a fine day, and enjoy your visit to the frontier."

The passengers around you stood, gathering their belongings and chatting excitedly as they prepared to disembark.

You exchanged a glance with Kiro, who rolled her eyes playfully at the conductor's formal tone but couldn't hide the glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

You stood, smoothing down the skirt of your dress before picking up your leather bag.

The air was filled with the rustling of clothing, the creak of leather boots against the wooden floor, and the hum of anticipation as everyone shuffled toward the exit.

Stepping down from the train onto the wooden platform, you were momentarily blinded by the bright sunlight. You blinked, shielding your eyes with one gloved hand as you adjusted to the sudden change.

The warmth of the sun contrasted sharply with the cool, dusty air that carried the faint scent of horses and fresh-baked bread from the nearby bakery.

Sweetwater spread out before you like a scene from a storybook. The town was bustling with life, the wooden buildings lined up along the dusty main street, their colorful signs swaying gently in the breeze.

Horses trotted by, their hooves clopping against the dirt road, while a stagecoach rumbled past, the driver tipping his hat to the ladies on the sidewalk.

Kiro stepped down beside you, her eyes wide as she took in the sight. "Wow," she breathed, her voice filled with awe. She turned in a slow circle, taking in everything from the saloon with its swinging doors to the blacksmith's forge where the sound of hammering echoed faintly through the air. "This is�� incredible."

You couldn't help but smile at her reaction, memories of your own first visit flooding back. The overwhelming sense of wonder, the feeling that you'd stepped into another world, a place where anything was possible.

It was a sensation that had faded over time, but seeing it through Kiro's eyes brought a flicker of it back to life.

Before you could say anything, Kiro snapped out of her daze, her grin wide and infectious as she grabbed your arm. "Let's go check it out!" she exclaimed, pulling you along before you could protest.

The two of you made your way down the bustling street, weaving between groups of people.

You passed a group of children chasing each other, their laughter ringing out as they dodged between the legs of a tall man in a duster coat. He chuckled, tipping his hat to you as you passed.

The town was alive with energy, a mix of hosts and guests moving about, some lost in their own narratives, others just exploring.

A woman in a bright red dress leaned against the railing of the saloon, batting her eyelashes at a group of men who were clearly guests, their excitement palpable as they fumbled through the door.

A few steps ahead, you noticed a man standing on a wooden crate, a sheriff's star pinned to his chest. He was surrounded by a small crowd, gesturing animatedly as he spoke.

"A posse is being organized to chase down a man who murdered the Marshal!" he announced, his voice carrying over the noise of the street. "Murderous son of a bitch named Hector Escaton gunned down the Marshal in cold blood. He's holed up in the mountains, and we need every able-bodied person willing to bring him to justice."

The crowd murmured, a few men stepping forward eagerly. The sheriff's gaze swept over the people gathered around him, landing on you and Kiro as you passed by.

"You there," he called out, pointing in your direction. "You look like the kind of ladies who’d put your mettle to it."

Kiro's eyes lit up, her hand already lifting in an enthusiastic wave as she nodded eagerly. "Really? Hell ye—"

"Not today, Sheriff," you cut in smoothly, stepping between Kiro and the man with a polite smile. "Apologies." You hooked your arm through hers, steering her away before she could argue.

"Hey, I could've done it!" she protested, though her tone was more playful than serious. She looked over her shoulder, watching as the sheriff turned back to his recruiting.

You couldn't help but laugh, the sound light and teasing. "Oh, I know you could've. I one hundred percent believe that," you said, patting her arm reassuringly as you guided her through the crowd. "But first, we've got to put our things away at the inn."

Kiro sighed dramatically but nodded, her curiosity about the town clearly winning out over the missed opportunity.

Together, you made your way down the bustling street, the inn's weathered sign swinging gently in the breeze as you approached.

A little while later, you were in your room, humming a soft tune under your breath as you folded your clothes and placed them neatly in the drawer.

The room was simple but cozy, the wooden floors creaking slightly under your feet as you moved around, setting up your things.

The afternoon sun filtered through the lace curtains, casting a warm, golden light across the room.

You were just placing your hat on the dresser when the door burst open, slamming against the wall with a loud thud. You jumped, turning to see Kiro standing in the doorway, her eyes gleaming and a wide grin plastered across her face.

"They have a saloon!" she exclaimed, practically vibrating with excitement.

You blinked, momentarily confused by her enthusiasm. "Yeahhh…" you said slowly, tilting your head as you tried to figure out why she was so excited. "We saw it earlier. Remember?"

Kiro didn't respond immediately. Instead, she stalked forward, closing the distance between you in a few quick strides. She placed her hands on your shoulders, staring you directly in the eyes, her expression dead serious. "If there's a saloon, that means there’s alcohol," she said, her voice low and intense, as if she were imparting some great secret.

You raised an eyebrow, still not quite following. "Okay…?"

"And if there's alcohol," she continued, her grip tightening on your shoulders, "you know what that means? Drunk-ass susceptible banks!"

You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself. "Really, Kiro? Are you seriously planning to spend your week here doing the same thing you do back home? Get a roster of dudes?"

Kiro snorted, releasing your shoulders as she plopped down on your bed, the springs creaking under her weight. "Uhhh, duh," she sang, grinning up at you with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "What else am I supposed to do? It's my birthday. Plus, this is the perfect time to meet and get my thot shit on without worrying if the dude will find my ass and want a relationship."

You paused, your hands stilling as you turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised. "What happened to the whole 'treating hosts like people' bit back on the train earlier?"

Kiro looked at you like you’d just killed a dog or smacked her across the face. "What!? I am!" she protested, her voice rising in indignation. "If anything, me not fucking them would be discriminatory. Hell, I'm giving them the ultimate human treatment by treating them like one of my potential hoes."

You snorted, shaking your head as you folded the last of your clothes and slid the drawer shut. "You're ridiculous," you said, but there was no real bite to your words. A smile tugged at your lips as you glanced over at her.

Kiro just grinned, one eyebrow quirking up as she leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "You love me," she said, winking dramatically.

"Unfortunately," you teased, earning an exaggerated gasp from her.

Before she could retaliate, she hopped up from the bed, practically bouncing on her heels as she clapped her hands together. "Now, hurry up!" she whined, grabbing your arm and tugging on it like a petulant child. "We've gotta get to the saloon before all the good stuff is gone. I want to get my drink on and find some sweet-talking cowboy to take advantage of."

You laughed, letting her pull you toward the door. "You really think you're gonna find someone like that here?"

Kiro scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she gave you a playful smirk. "Please. With this face?" She gestured to herself dramatically. "I'm irresistible. Hosts, guests, doesn't matter. They'll all be lining up for a chance with me."

"Your confidence is astounding," you said dryly, grabbing your bag and throwing it over your shoulder.

"Thank you," she said, fluttering her eyelashes at you. "Now, come on! Time's wasting!"

You let her lead you out of the room and down the creaky wooden stairs to the main lobby, the warm, dusty scent of the inn filling your senses as you passed by the front desk and out the door.

The sun was beginning its slow descent toward the horizon, casting a warm, golden glow over the town as the two of you made your way back down the main street.

The atmosphere was even livelier than before, with more guests mingling among the hosts, their faces alight with excitement and curiosity.

A couple of men sat outside a shop, their hats tipped low over their eyes as they chatted, while a woman in a bright red dress twirled a parasol, her eyes scanning the crowd with a practiced gaze.

Kiro's grip on your arm was firm but gentle as she pulled you along, her enthusiasm bubbling over as she pointed out various sights along the way. "Look, there's the sheriff's office!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing on her toes. "And over there's the general store. We should totally check that out later."

As you approached the saloon, you could hear the faint strains of music drifting through the air, mingling with the sound of laughter and clinking glasses.

You glanced up as you approached, your eyes tracing the elegant script of the sign hanging above the entrance. Mariposa Saloon, it read, the letters etched in gold against a backdrop of dark wood, a pair of butterfly wings painted delicately on either side.

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for whatever lay beyond those swinging doors.

Kiro nudged you with her elbow, her eyes twinkling with excitement. "Ready?" she asked, her voice barely containing her eagerness.

You nodded, pushing through the doors and stepping inside. The first thing that hit you was the smell—a heady mix of cigar smoke, polished wood, and the sweet, slightly tangy scent of whiskey.

It was almost overwhelming, yet oddly inviting, like stepping into another world entirely.

The low hum of conversation filled the air, punctuated by the clink of glasses and the occasional burst of raucous laughter.

The saloon was packed. Men in dust-covered coats and wide-brimmed hats leaned against the bar, their boots scuffing the polished floor as they chatted and laughed with each other.

A group of cowboys sat around a table near the back, cards in their hands and suspicious looks on their faces as they eyed one another over the pot of coins in the center.

Near the front, a few of the saloon's workers, dressed in vibrant, corset-style dresses, drifted gracefully through the crowd, their eyes sharp as they scanned for potential customers.

And then there was the music.

A piano in the corner was being played with enthusiasm, the lively melody filling the room and blending with the soft, sultry voice of the showgirl on stage. She was stunning, her sequined dress catching the light as she swayed to the rhythm, her voice weaving a spell over the crowd as she sang of love and loss and whiskey.

"Damn," Kiro breathed beside you, her eyes wide with awe as she took in the scene. "It's like we've stepped back in time."

You nodded, unable to tear your gaze away from the showgirl for a moment longer. "Yeah, it really is something," you murmured, feeling that familiar, intoxicating sense of wonder settle over you.

Kiro's hand on your arm brought you back to the present, and you followed her as she made a beeline for the bar.

The bartender, a handsome man with a chiseled jaw and a roguish smile, glanced up as you approached. He threw a towel over his shoulder, his eyes twinkling with a hint of amusement as he took in the two of you.

"Well, now," he drawled, leaning against the counter with a practiced ease. "What can I get you fine ladies tonight?"

Kiro's eyes narrowed playfully as she pushed herself up onto the bar, leaning over it just enough to draw the bartender's gaze. "Depends," she purred, her voice dropping into a low, seductive lilt. "What do you have that's strong enough to make a girl forget her name but sweet enough to have her calling yours?"

The bartender’s grin widened, his gaze flicking down to her lips before returning to her eyes. "I think I've got just the thing," he said, his tone matching hers. He reached under the bar, pulling out a bottle of amber liquid and two glasses. "You like bourbon, darlin'?"

"Love it," Kiro replied, her smile matching the bartender’s as she watched him pour the drinks with a practiced hand.

You rolled your eyes, a fond smile tugging at your lips as you watched the two of them. This was classic Kiro—bold, confident, and utterly unafraid to go after what she wanted, even if it was just a bit of flirtation with a good-looking bartender.

The bartender slid the glasses across the counter, his fingers brushing lightly against Kiro's as she reached for hers. "There you go," he said, his voice warm and smooth. "A drink strong enough to make you forget anything you want. And if you're looking for more than just the drink, well…" He leaned in a little closer, his smile turning wicked. "I'm here all night."

Kiro's laugh was low and throaty as she picked up her glass, taking a slow sip while keeping her eyes locked on his. "I'll keep that in mind," she said, her voice a soft purr.

You shook your head, chuckling softly as you picked up your own drink. Turning away from the bar, you took a sip, savoring the burn of the bourbon as it slid down your throat.

It was good—smooth and strong, with just a hint of sweetness.

As you let your gaze wander around the room, you took in the scene before you. At one table, a group of cowboys were deep in a game of cards, their faces tense as they watched each other’s hands with keen eyes.

Nearby, one of the saloon workers, a woman in a bright green dress, leaned over a gentleman’s shoulder, her fingers trailing lightly down his arm as she whispered something in his ear. He laughed, tipping his hat back as he glanced up at her with a wide grin.

On the stage, the showgirl continued to sing, her voice filling the room with its sultry tones. She twirled, her dress sparkling in the light, and you couldn’t help but be drawn in by her performance, the way she seemed to captivate everyone in the room.

It really did feel like you'd been transported to the past, to some forgotten corner of the world where anything was possible and reality was just a distant memory.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to get lost in it, the drink warming you from the inside as you leaned back against the bar, the weight of the real world falling away.

Kiro's laughter pulled you back, and you turned to see her still chatting with the bartender, her eyes bright with excitement.

You smiled, raising your glass in a silent toast to her.

Your eyes drifted lazily around the room, taking in the lively atmosphere and the myriad of stories unfolding around you.

Then, your gaze snagged on a figure seated in the far corner of the saloon, half-hidden in the shadows. Your heart immediately skipped a beat, the breath catching in your throat.

It was him.

He sat alone, his broad shoulders hunched slightly as he nursed a drink, his eyes fixed on the stage with an intensity that bordered on sadness, frustration etched in the lines of his brow.

His skin, a rich dark brown, contrasted sharply with the crisp, tailored suit he wore—an outfit that screamed sophistication and wealth, a stark difference from the dust-covered patrons that filled the room.

He looked like he had stepped out of another world, his presence commanding yet somehow withdrawn.

His suit was a deep charcoal gray, the fine wool perfectly fitted to his frame. His polished boots, gleaming faintly in the dim light, tapped lightly against the floorboards, the only hint of movement in his otherwise still figure.

He held his glass loosely in one hand, the amber liquid inside catching the light as he swirled it absently before taking a slow sip of his drink, his jaw clenching as he swallowed.

For a moment, the world around you seemed to fade, the noise of the saloon dimming to a distant hum as you watched him. Before you could find yourself getting lost in your thoughts, a tap on your shoulder jolted you back to reality.

You turned to see Kiro watching you with a raised brow, her eyes narrowing slightly in concern. "Hey, you okay? Did something happen?" she asked, her voice cutting through the haze that had enveloped your mind. "What are you looking at?"

You blinked, your heart skipping a beat as if you'd been caught doing something you weren't supposed to. Your eyes flicked back to the corner where he sat, your gaze lingering for just a moment before snapping back to Kiro.

You felt your face flush, a wave of heat crawling up your neck as you struggled to find your words. "I—it's nothing," you stammered, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I wasn't looking at anything."

Kiro gave you a look, one eyebrow arched high, her lips quirking into a skeptical smirk.

Normally, she would have pressed you for details, teasing you relentlessly until you either spilled the truth or begged her to stop. But tonight, she just tilted her head slightly, studying you for a moment longer before shrugging and turning back to the bartender, her previous flirtatious grin sliding back into place.

"Okay, if you say so," she murmured, her tone light, but her eyes lingered on you a beat longer than usual before she turned her attention back to the handsome man behind the bar, her laughter ringing out as he said something that made her giggle, her hand lightly brushing against his as she leaned closer.

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding, your shoulders slumping in relief.

But no matter how much you tried to focus on the drink in your hand or the conversation buzzing around you, your eyes kept wandering back to him.

You wanted to go to him, but the thought of breaking the fragile distance between you was terrifying.

So, instead, you stayed where you were, sipping your drink and trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened every time your gaze found him.

The rest of the night passed in a blur of laughter and music, Kiro's voice occasionally breaking through your haze as she dragged you into a conversation or made you clink glasses with her in some impromptu toast.

A/N: hey guys, hope you enjoyed my lil creation of westworld x alien: romulus, andy. tbh im so in love with the concept jajajaj...part 2 will be up tomorrow, trying not to spam posts...

[peachycrime]

Locorro, with crumbs of SLK

@spicymiilk @be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie

I think Spiders been in love for a long time, but made a vow to himself to never say anything, he’d rather die than jeopardize everything over his ‘stupid’ feelings

Lo’ak fell in love with Spiders smile, the one he makes when he’s surrounded by the things he loves, the sweet and kind one he passes to Kiri and Tuk, the one full of pride he flashes at Neteyam and the one full of groundbreaking love he sends towards Lo’ak, the one he thinks Lo’ak hasn’t noticed

Spider fell in love with Lo’ak’s eyes, cuz man does that boy have pretty eyes. He fell in love with their sage green color, the way the glowed like jewels in the dark, the way he stares and gives his undivided attention, the way he looks at him, eyes half-lidded full of love, the kind that he ignores out of feelings of self hatred

They’re little nerds together, very protective of each other too, you think you can talk down on the other in each others presence? have you lost it?

They go hunting together, ALL the time, it’s something they’re both good at and they love to brag back to the others about their latest catch

I imagine Spider scaring the shit out of Lo’ak and Kiri with his wiggly front tooth on some random morning. All of Kiri’s Tsakarem training kicked in she was ready to extract that thing. Spider and Lo’ak starting screaming and panic while she tried to get him to sit still. Admits the chaos Lo’ak head-butted Spider dead in the mouth and the tooth fell out.

It took a full hour for Spider to convince them that it was natural and that he was completely fine

Our boys definitely have a secret spot behind a waterfall, it’s a small bioluminescent cave and they have a bunch of stuff stashed there

They don’t really talk about each others insecurities to each other, Lo’ak feels like Spider has it worse and thinks his problems aren’t important. Spider just thinks he himself is unimportant and doesn’t wanna burden Lo’ak

I think that this is something they move past as they get older, they’re both so emotionally sensitive to eachother that they kind of have to learn to communicate.

They pull pranks together, all. the. time. The only people they don’t prank are the elders(mo’at) and Neytiri. Everyone else?? free game. They usually do it to get revenge on bullies or just to poke fun at others

Lo’ak is an amazing story teller, since Spider wasn’t generally allowed to be around during family nights and other such events, he’d make sure pay special attention on story nights so he could later on, retell them to Spider on nights whn Jake and Neytiri went on dates

I just imagine a little Spider, missing one of his front teeth, looking at Lo’ak with stars in his eyes while Lo’ak tells him about his dad meeting Neytiri for the first time

One time, the kids got in trouble and Spider wasn’t allowed to the village for a week, a week where there happened to be a festival celebrating the new season and the kids felt bad because Spider couldn’t come. What do they do? They steal some food, juice and costumes and make a plan. A plan to reenact the festival but with just them (Nete, Lo’ak, Kiri, Tuk and Spider) as a surprise

So imagine the kids in their own corner of the forest, Tuk and Kiri dancing around in their best outfits and costumes on. Neteyam hitting those drums while Spider and Lo’ak just goofing around while singing their favorite clan songs in a mini choir. Core memory.

They make eachothers hair accessories. idc i don’t make the rules🤷🏿‍♀️

Kiri braids both of their hair (no dreads/locs for spider in this one)

They have a secret meeting spot behind a waterfall, they have a bunch of stuff in there actually, extra masks, hunting tools, 2 sleeping mats, a flash light and lots of paints/pigments. They’ve been painting the inside of the cave since they were 10, they add a little something each time they go. It’s a promise to eachother that even when the other is gone, one of them will have something to go back to. And when they’ve both left Eywa’eveng? Then that cave will be a way to immortalize their memories together, and their ever lasting connection.

Lo’ak told Payakan about Spider

In a fit of anger after finding out that Spider saved Quaritch, he told him that he should’ve never came back for him. That’s one of the two things Lo’ak regrets ever saying. The other one was telling Neteyam that he wasn’t his brother.

Spider was hysterical, like genuinely sobbing for Lo’ak to stop and listen to him, he needs to make sure that Lo’ak understands that it wasn’t betrayal. That he would pick them over that monster over and over again, and the he did choose them over him.

Lo’ak comes around, it doesn’t take as much as you would expect but he’s just so tired? He’s exhausted, all the running, losing Neteyam, the weight of everything is just too much. He needs his Spider by his side, but he doesn’t know what to do. So he goes to our beloved Kiri.

Kiri, that sweet sweet girl, she was the first one to know of course, after all, he’s her monkey boy. She’d already heard everything from Spider so she isn’t shocked when Lo’ak comes to her, she understands how he feels and just offers her twin the comfort he needs. She also puts things into perspective and tells her about the ‘son for a son’ moment

They reconcile, they’re weak, but the love is strong, after all, freaks stick together?

I’m all out

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

My hc as being the daughter of SB and sister to HL:

Soldier Boy/Daughter

His feelings towards having a daughter I would say is very “neutral” given his behavior towards women, he’s more or less pretty awkward about it because now he’s like “Do I have to not act like a dick with this “thing”?”

But surprisingly he TRIES to be less vulgar and does try to protect you in a sense that he knows how men think

One of his main phrases with you is “A lady shouldn’t act like this” basically overall EXTREMELY MISOGYNISTIC sadly you don’t know any better growing up

You learn about womanhood through his various lady friends, don’t even bother asking him because he’ll probably kindly tell you to fuck off KINDLY

Awkward hugs, like “there, there”

Any bully that you may have depends on whether they are male or female

Male = beats the shit out of them, then their dad, then fucks their mom and will probably steal their bike to give to you as a Xmas present, it’s July btw

Female = acts all nice and when no one is looking tells them this “If you keep fucking with my kid, I’m gonna fuck your mom and ima gonna be your new daddy..now give me $20”

He’s gonna keep the $20

Homelander/Sister

SISTER COMPLEX

He did pretty much raise you the minute SB brought you home

Your the only consistency he has in his life, growing up he tries his best to protect you from everything SB related (doesn’t always work)

When SB brings home a lover HL tells you that’s dads special friend and if they are too loud which is all the time he gives you ear muffs and plays the quiet game with you

SB is passed out in the hallway? Oh he’s sick he’ll be fine (probably)

Isn’t particularly happy when the team Payback is around but is glad that they are under SB’s foot

Doesn’t mind Black Noir, both you and HL are pretty attached too him growing up

But as you grow older and venture out and try to make new friends, HL gets extremely jealous wanting to be your ONLY BSF

Calls your friends “sluts” for trying to erase his influence over you and if you get a bf he will totally SNITCH to SB

His fondest memory of you both is when you were kids and trying to avoid SB because he was in one of his moods and you and him were under the covers, you pinky promised him that you’ll never leave him and he’ll never leave you

His “friends” are your friends and doesn’t see anything wrong with that Bc he’s your big bro and he could always use Maeve and Starlight as a scapegoat

SB would hold his baby girl at arm's length, unsure of what to do with this delicate little thing.

first few years of your life he'll dress you up in boy clothes cuz he doesn't want to deal with baby girl clothes with all the pinks and frills. Homelander will be the one to pick you up a yellow onesie with a big sun on the front from a thrift store with his money from being a paper boy

Soldier Boy will find himself growing softer the longer he cares for you. When it's just the two of you at home, he'll even speak softly to you with a lilt of using a baby voice. he'll outright deny it though if Homelander catches him using the voice

the way you learned about periods? one of SB's lady friends left her purse out in the living room and you rifled through it, finding not just her cigarettes but some funny looking torpedo things. she informed you how it worked. literally terrified you because bleeding for four days straight is not normal and SB sure as hell wasn't going to teach you about feminine hygiene.

and from the Crimson Countess you learn that some women also wear the flimsiest underwear.

"Did you see her underwear? It looks like it's made out of floss!" you'd giggle while HL can only flush and tell you that's not what proper ladies wear and steer you the other way

really, the only member of Payback that you and HL liked was Black Noir. he'd draw with you or take you and your brother out if everyone was being too. . . rowdy

Buster Beaver's Pizza Restaurant becomes a favorite

really, Black Noir is the only male HL feels comfortable letting you be around

even his male friends he trusts to a certain degree. never would he leave his sister completely alone with any of them. more like they're his little spies who tell HL of any other bugs scuttling around you

he doesn't like it when you make your own friends who try and pull you away from his side

will do anything to turn you against these 'sluts'.

both of you have bonded through the trauma of growing up with Soldier Boy. huddled under the blankets to ignore the outside world. Homelander holding you close and promising it will always be just the two of you against the rest of the world. and you full heartedly believe him because he'd never lie to you. not your beloved big brother who carries the sun on his shoulders just for you. even if he doesn't like your friends that aren't his. after all, he was just trying to keep you safe. that was his main goal in life.

and frankly, as bad as HL sister complex was, your big brother complex was even bigger

as you were Homelander's only constant, he was your's as well.

@theeonlyroman thank you so much for sending all these HC 😭❤️ i look forward to every single one of them and get so giddy and excited to answer them ❤️

[imsociallyanxiousgetoverit]

I dunno if anyone else has seen those tiktoks of young parents who raise their baby with a bunch of friends but I just suddenly saw Danny with baby!Ellie and his classmates all having fun caring for this baby along with their families all helping out,,,, I imagined that the class find out Vlad is somehow the other parent and even after Danny outs himself because Yeah No he is Not letting them think He did That to Him they run him out of town by becoming a mob of teenagers who even the police realize they can’t do anything about and so Lancer becomes co-mayor with someone else whilst also maintaining his position as a teacher… I recognize most of this is nuts and I dont even have any ideas on Jazz or their parents but like… the class having fun with the baby in school! Ellie is a distraction, yes, but Danny cannot handle her being left with anyone else (yes this was actually my plan for why she’s in class) so they all just- adjust and attendance has never been greater plus grades have gone up cuz morale and even bullying has gone down… Ellie does a lot to help Casper High before she even has memories and Danny knows even if something happens with the portal and the Zone again that Ellie will Never be alone or unloved or uncared for…

[chimkin-samich]

What the most embarrassing thing(not harmful, just harmlessly embarrassing) thing everyone's ever done?(that includes Sun, Moon, Eclipse, and Tari)

Slight suggestive one for Moon and kinda Eclipse lol, putting under a read more since their kinda long

Eclipse had to be a night when they planned to watch a movie, she had to run to bathroom so she asked him if he could download the horror movie while she ran out for a moment, of course saying yes he searched for the download… he did not look at the description

Setting up the tablet, once she settled in he went to push play… it was not a horror movie, the panic that he felt, the audio was so loud and it would go away no matter how much he pressed the screen to swipe it away or pause it

He ended up crying once they finally got it to stop, he felt so bad that he ended up downloading not only the wrong film but a whole other type of “film”

He refuses to acknowledge it ever happened

Moon’s was a bit more uhh secretive about his, Tari doesn’t find out until a bit after they get together lol

He was being a bit more heavy with his teasing and bullying towards Tari that day, ignoring the fact that she was getting irritated the longer he went on, she ended up snapping during a patrol when he pushed a bit to much

She actually ended up slapping him, not hard but enough to give him a shock, unfortunately the shock got him.. kinda excited KDKFKF

He was so distraught and embarrassed as she was trying to apologize that he didn’t even register what she was saying, he just said “I gotta go” and ran off to his room

Sun cackling out at the fact that not only he got come sense knocked into him but that he LIKED it, Moon knew no peace for a few weeks, and When Eclipse found out he bullied him about it for weeks as well and so does Tari when she comes to know

Sun’s was incredibly distressing lmao, Gwendaline, the kiddo most invested in their love life had scraped her knee, they had to take her up to their room to get the med kit since they forgot to restock themselves

The rascal managed to find (he left it out on accident) Suns dairy and snatch it in the moments he disappeared to grab the kit

The moment they let her off with the kids again she started a small circle and picked a random entry to start reading, and it just so happened to be one where he was admiring Tari’s looks, starting about her hair but when she got to the part where he mentioned her wide hips he snatched her into the ball pit

Screeching about “It’s not nice to take peoples stuff” in a nervous staticky tone, Tari couldn’t help but poke fun at him too saying “you think I look fat?” Poor Sun was over heating trying to explain how it was a compliment with out giving himself away and giving more context

He refused to look her in the eye for a few days, the embarrassment coming back to get him every time he made eye contact with her lol

For Tari it had to be when she had to watch the kiddos for a few hours, Sun had forgotten to charge the night before and had to go cuz his battery got to low

She tried giving them different things to do… but the kids were so sure that it had to be a dress up party, she couldn’t fight it

When Sun came back down he found her sitting at the tables, pick dress over her uniform, a tiara and smudged makeup all over her face tea cup in hand

The moment he came back she announced “Alright my times up Mr.Suns back go get him now”snatched the dress off, and ran off to the bathroom to clean the paint off her face

Moon never let it go, whenever the memory begins to fade he’ll randomly remind her while she proceeds to smack him “WHY WOULD U REMIND ME”

Sun found it cute even if hilarious of how she actually let them give her “make up” and Eclipse just lightly teases from time to time lol

[greetings-from-the-eraser-king]

Hlvrai kids au

Basic premise the crew go on a field trip to Black Mesa they stumble upon a secret experiment b-u557 and end up releasing him and Black Mesa security desperately tries to stop him

Comic 1

Comic 2

Comic 3

Comic 4

Comic 5

Comic 6

Comic 7

Comic 8

Comic 9

Comic 10

Eatch kids character description below 👇

Tommy- is the oldest and is in 4th grade and is in a gifted class with darnold he has a huge collection of soda cans and stuffed animals his favorite thing to do is line them up in different patterns. Hes mainly happy and cheerful. him and benrey live together as brothers though there not biologically related he's not quite sure we're ben came from. Gman takes Tommy to black mesa a lot to show him different science experiments going on. Wants a dog so bad his toy dog is doing the job for now.

Gordon- he's in 3erd and is mainly a loner who doesn't fit in a chronic over-thinker he mainly likes to play videogames or read (mainly magazines about video games) he is a smart kid and maybe next year he'll be in the advanced science class. Anxious but loyal and can get easily annoyed. Him and benrey are frenemies both bonding over videogames and other nerdy things but benery is a bit to annoying to be a true friend (benery constantly taunts him by calling him feet man because when he was in kindergarten he stepped in peanut butter and ate it Gordon regrets telling him this) he carries a Gameboy wherever he goes.

Darnold- is one of the smartest kids in the 3erd grade but unfortunately the shortest which leads to constant taunts from forzen though not in the same grade him and Tommy are in the same gifted class and are very good friends. They enjoy making positions out of soda and doing all sorts of strange experiments.more shy and less confident than Tommy he still has a similar joyful attitude. Reads fantasy books and constantly has a new one every week.

Benery- in 3erd lives with Tommy and has no memory of how he got there but meh who cares loves to skate board and do tricks though no one knows how he holds onto it at all times seemingly appears and disappears at will. He wandered a lot and seems to forget things you just told him. You can't tell when he's joking or being serious. His helmet never comes off. Chill jokester who doesn't take a lot of things seriously and likes to hang around Gordon and annoy him. He is not allowed near black mesa.

Forzen- moved from France when he was around 3-4 his dad's in the military and he's a bit spoiled has had to move a lot because of his dad but he's been in the same neighborhood as the gang sense the end of 2ed grade. He's not truly one of the bullies of the school but is annoying to Gordon darnold and Tommy he quickly became friends with benery when he moved and benery taut him how to skate board.

B-u557- a top secret black mesa experiment to be the ultimate life form he was still brewing when the kids broke him out of his tube so he might have some defects mostly annoyed all the time but he is thrilled to be out of his tube and even more thrilled to finally be able to hear a scientist who has been visiting him.

Dr.coomer- a good friend of Tommy's dad but usually not taken very seriously by his coworkers. He is a little unusual and loud but is a very kind soul other scientists complaine that he talks to much. he works in many departments around black mesa but is most offensive seen in the robotics department is the founder of the black mesa boxing ring and has not lost his wife in the divorce yet. He likes to visit the secret experiment B-u557 to see how he's doing he does his rants to the experiment even though he knows he can't hear him. But b-u557 doesn't ever seem to be annoyed so he keeps visiting. Even if everyone else in black mesa tells him to stop.

Credit: blinkees

[antiendovents]

hey! so tumblr eated the last one so i hope this one works (hopefully i got everything, memory is hard) also for some context: the only people fronting at this time was a persecutor (me) and a social protector, both of us don't have empathy and don't stand for the system being pushed around

anyways i posted about how weird it is whenever endos say traumatized people hold privilege over them and an endo came into my replies saying that i'm the reason their friend tried to kill themselves and people like ME is the reason people have issues.

mind you i am nothing but respectful in online discussions (and keep interacting with endos to a fucking MINIMUM!!) unless someone shows me disrespect first, then i am done with them (but never am toxic yk?) so i haven't done jack shit to make their friend wanna kts

but they came into my reply section all talking about how people who are anti endo are so evil and toxic and cause people to end themselves (mind you i mentioned how endos send me gore rape threats and etc and they did not reply to that)

then when i didn't bite and kept pointing out how A. no one was talking about that B. They are trauma dumping and C. they can't guilt trip me they started calling me a kid and an edgelord and calling me names and implying i was just to stupid to see that "[im] the problem". and that they weren't trauma dumping they were explaining nuance (which they lacked so badly. doubt they know the definition of the word.)

they then compared me to ben shapiro and told us they weren't there to have a normal conversation and atp i was done with them.

went to their page to block them and they had posts about hating how people block tags/other people cuz it makes 'people not receptive to other viewpoints' and shit and then they vague posted us. like its not lacking nuance or not liking other viewpoints, its the fact that you're a dick. you don't understand how to properly have a conversation with other people, respect THEIR viewpoints or understand nuance that doesn't fit your beliefs and think everyone should just bend to your will. not wanting people to block people isn't being smart its being chronically online and assuming superiority over everyone who disagrees with you. i have never seen someone so dense ironically talking about other people who disagree being dense. like maybe people just don't fucking agree with you and don't wanna hear your bs.

sorry if none of this made sense!

oh, jeez that's.. I hate how endos try guilt trip us, like no I'm not going to be pro endos just because your friend was bullied or harassed ((obviously I don't think they deserved that, but I'm not going to give up my beliefs and start feeding into misinformation just because that happened)). It's good that you blocked them, because they sound like a fucking dickhead tbh. You are not the problem, they are, and it's so frustrating that they can't see that. Like fuck off with your BS, no one cares about you or your endos shit (not directed at you anon)

Also don't worry, this makes sense ^^

[crushedsweets]

neeed to hear the context behind ur most recent art. please enlighten us

you guys dont even know how excited i get when someone asks smth like this abt my art or headcanons or au.

i actually wrote liek a fucking essay oh my god im so sorry anon ill have the actual drawing context after the big bolded caps

TW for typical creepypasta story type stuff

anyway ok UNNECESSARY BACKSTORY: liu spent a long time trying to just psychologically recover from everything. he hated jeff and he hated the memory of everything. jeff signature murders would occur every now and again, each time liu would fall into a deep depression. the murders stopped for a while, and everyone believed jeff 'retired' or died. liu was conflicted about it. until Jeff committed his final full-blown 'jeff fashion' murder (janes family) in tuscaloosa alabama. liu had another breakdown and ended up moving to tuscaloosa because he was completely convinced he needed to find jeff again because he could fix it (or die trying and he'd be fine with that too)

nina was always one of those girls obsessed with 'true crime' but like.... the murderers instead of the cases. she was 12 when jeff's first rampage happened and she just fell head over heels in love with this freak. she began to act out, miss school for days, sneaking out to meet older people, etc etc. eventually she did the classic jeff smile cut into her face(she pussied out on making it like jeffs, so she has cleaner, less noticeable scars) . she started getting severely bullied (for being creepy and worshipping a literal murderer) and her parents sent her to live with her grandparents in mississpi. she started stalking liu through social media and whitepages when jeff was presumed dead. but eventually, jeff's final murder happened in alabama(a state away from her) and after turning 18, she ran away to go find jeff convinced he would 'save her' from the life she created for herself. nina got wrapped up in slenderman business because of her constant Tom Foolery. she met her idol

JEFF IS A BAD PERSON IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. he did a beautiful job in using his #1 fangirl and enjoying the worship. she scrambled for pennies to afford an apartment, she'd sleep on the couch if he wanted to use her bed, she's ride her bike hours to go get weed or something from rando drug dealers that give better deals to pretty girls, make him food, do his damn laundry, literally anything and everything bc THATS HER MAAANNNNN (no he isnt.)

jeff DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUCK about everything nina does for him . one day he finds her trying to creepily get into contact with liu (and liu actually responded) and he loses his shit and stabs her and goes on and on about how 'you ruined your own useless fucking life your family is never going to take you back you did this to yourself' etc. he didn't intend to kill her only cuz he knew she'd forgive him and he liked all the shit she gave him

NOW ABOUT THE DRAWING ITSELF:::::

afterwards nina gets patched up from jeff stabbing her, she has some weird 'liu will save me' spiral (not romantically just in a very literal 'he can fix this' way). liu's been on his own spiral since finding out jeffs alive which is the only reason he even gave nina the time of day. eventually she ends up at his house to 'talk about jeff' bc she sent him creepy pics proving she knew jeff yadayadayada.

im not sure the exact conversation i imagined for the drawing, BUT liu eventually says something that sets nina off and she tears at her stitches and breaks down and drips blood all over his kitchen talking about 'I CAN MAKE HIM LOVE ME AGAIN I JUST NEED YOUR HELP PLEAAASEEEE' or something.

liu's a good man, much to his own detriment, and can't help but comfort this kid who's bleeding and crying in his kitchen at the fault of his own brother. he's all too familiar with wanting to repair his relationship with jeff, despite the amount of rage, betrayal, misery, etc he felt at jeffs hands. he doesn't ACTUALLY want to reconnect with jeff, but it's a very deep internal longing for the baby brother he once had that VERY RARELY overshadows his hatred

i want to reaffirm that liu does not feel positively about jeff at all, does not want to see him, and only moved to alabama b/c of a long ass mental health crises and is now too wrapped up in new financial commitments(plus jane) to move again. and now he feels obligated to help nina

he just misses being a big brother :( not so much the jeff part

also none of this at all is shipping at all i am terrified at the idea of people taking anything romantically . even if nina is in 'love' with jeff its purely for the story/horror . ITS ALL REALLY BAD

[whatisr3alityy]

The boy who cried ooze- pt1

On a cold August day, a college boy who still lived with his mother was going to school. He had to wait until his mother was sleeping, or blacked out. He couldn't risk getting hit with a bottle again, getting yelled at again, or anything else. Just wanted a normal day for once.. once.

The brown haired boy slowly put his clothes on, got his bag and pushed all his stuff into it. He then quietly creaked his door open and peeked around.. quietly.. he had to go quietly. The house smelled of alcohol and weed, two smells that he found himself nauseous by but at the same time.. didn't mind. It's not like he hasn't been smelling it for all his life, at this point it's like he's smelling a normal everyday.. a regular aroma.

His shoes made no squeaks, he always made sure to get shoes that would never squeak on the floor or cause a sound to go off by scraping his feet. He learned all these things at a young age, not to anchor the beast that lived within his home. Although this beast did feed him, bathed him, took him to school when he was younger..

He didn't like thinking about those fond memories cuz there was barely any, he can only count five off the top of his head. All the other times he could remember but could never count. He's not back into reality when he finally made it near the kitchen and living room, looking over at the couch to see her sleeping there snoring.. this was it, he could leave today without any incident. He wouldn't be late.

He made his way to the door with quiet steps, like a feather falling on to bricks. His hands shakily went out, sweating profusely his hand was wet. It slipped on the doorknob once, his head twirled around to stare at the woman on the couch.. she wasn't awake, thank God, at least a God that would listen to him. He tried it again - a firmer grip this time and creaked it open opening the door enough to where she wouldn't wake up into where he could slip out. He locked it and closed it. He took a deep breath, inhaling the healthy air outside. Then he let out of deep exhale... Looking over at the neighbors with the nice house, fairy lights and little bike for their little daughter.. how to wish you had those things and he was younger..

But he was out now, and he started making his way to school with the thought in mind "maybe I'll have a good day today, maybe it'll be normal maybe I won't get bullied today.. maybe they'll have my favorite food in the cafeteria.?" Usually when he was able to leave the house without getting yelled at, it was destined to be a good day. He's smart at that.. at least he had something to look forward to.