#currently my wallpaper also -w - I really like what I did here…

[dividedsingularity]

Running on a Dagger's Edge

My dearest Fana, today, I extend to you this kindness; of getting to see a sky so blue, of being able to run so free, of being able to forget, if only for a moment.

Hello World by @phasedsun :]

[nuttytani]

Oh no! My suicidal big tiddies man got isekai'd

fandom: honkai star rail

characters: blade and gender neutral reader

tw: none except- maybe not proof read?

a/n: a silly birthday gift for my lovely friend here @tsubaki3192

It was currently 2 AM and you have been playing video games for hours now. Looking at the time made you instinctively yawn and stretch those stiff arms. You were interrupted by a strange gurgling sound coming from somewhere…. Actually, it was just you and your hungry tummy. Since it was super late to cook anything (and risky because it might wake up the entire house), you quickly sneaked into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge.

There were no leftovers. Just some sauce bottles, pickles, butter and milk. The fridge was positively empty of any food. There wasn’t even bread. What were you going to do with sauce and pickles? That didn’t sound appetising at all.

“Awe… There’s nothing,” you said while closing the fridge. Then you opened it again and finally grabbed that milk. That was your only hope.

At least it’s good for my bones, calcium and shit yeah?

Your legs and particularly knees have been creaky and making weird popping noises recently. Maybe those bones might be thanking you for the milk. Chuckling to your silly thoughts, you head back to your room, with a cup of milk and proceed to turn your computer off.

A weird green horizontal line appeared on your screen and your wallpaper surrounding that line turned pixelated. The speaker connected to your computer emitted creepy static-y noises like those really old radio. Something was not right and that something would land you in shit because this wasn’t some cheap ol’ computer. You painstakingly saved up for this bad boy after hours of part time jobs here and there while also struggling with your uni life. The model wasn’t anything new but it was good enough for you and it was your baby. That very baby was dying in front of you. You needed to fix it.  You instantly scrambled back into your chair and tried to check for cables. Maybe some cables were loose. Before you could even touch a wire, the entire screen turned green and turned black. The static noises stopped as well.

“Well… Guess I’m doomed.” You slide your hands down your face and slump down like that Shinji in a chair meme. If this was some horror story though this would be the perfect timing for a hacker or weird murderer to send a message like “I see you” or something of the sort. Actually, what if some weirdo dark web hacker was onto you and wanted to kill you for whatever reason?

Okay, that’s it. This was sleep deprivation talking. You need sleep. Like right now. There’s no hacker that wanted to murder you, it’s probably the lack of sleep frying your brain cells. You were a normal college student, trying to survive in this cutthroat dog-eats-dog world. Even if something does happen, it won't happen to you. Well, your computer dying aside…. NPCs such as yourself don’t get “fun privileges”.

That’s what you thought about 5 minutes ago when you didn’t have a razor-sharp blade pointed at your eye and you laid in your bed wondering what wrongs you committed in your past life that was happening to you. Did you steal a priest's robe? Did you offend some god by swearing at them? Fuck you past life self.

The person holding the sword was still hunched over you and didn’t move their sword. Not even a single centimetre. One wrong movement and you could lose your lovely sight once and for all!

“What is this place and who are you?” asked the person. Judging by their deep voice they were probably a man. They sounded really familiar. You squinted your eyes at the person. Hmmm, bluish-black hair, red highlights… He had some… Real nice assets... Meaning nicely shaped tits…. Hmmm.

“W-what are you doing!” the person raised their voice in surprise and took a step back.

Oh, they must have noticed you ogling. Was it that obvious? You keep staring at their assets because who knows when you’ll have the chance next time? And then your attention finally falls on his sword, it was a deep black that slowly turned into red towards the end and the shaft of the sword had golden crack patterns, you assumed it’s kintsugi.

Wait hold up, that sword looked too familiar. You have seen that many times.

“Holy shit! Are you Blade? Like the Stellaron Hunter Blade?” you exclaimed at the person.

“....Yes. Don’t you dare call the IPC. Or you will face my sword.”

“Well, I’ve been facing your sword for 10 minutes now…. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m talking to THE Blade. One and only Blade. Like actually from Honkai Star Rail? Who is basically lovers to enemies with Dan Heng? Can I touch you? Actually, I always thought your hair was pretty, can I please braid it?”

Blade was speechless and looked like a fish out of water and slowly sheathed his sword.

“Am I dreaming right now or is this what you call a sleep-deprived hallucination… I can’t tell.”

You were met with silence… He didn’t reply.

“I guess it’s a hallucination. ‘Mkay, goodnight, Mr. Dream-slash-hallucination-Blade.”

Just like that you slumped back into your bed, closed your eyes and snoozed.

.

Blade was left terribly confused.

Well, he was a Stellaron Hunter, you should be scared for your life. He kills people for a living. Most people would just have one glimpse of him and go running down the hill while screaming for their lives. But you didn’t? Even when you knew his identity? And his not-widely-known relationship with Dan Heng?

Clearly, you didn’t see him as a threat. He also noticed the way your eyes lingered around his chest.

Silver Wolf did say that he had “some big tiddies” for a man. Whatever that meant. And he’s currently stuck in this room. He had no idea how he ended up here. Just that he was speaking with Kafka about their latest “script” and the details given by Elio. And poof. Some strange glitch happened, and he ended up here. In this tiny room. A huge mess of a room. It was devastating to look at. The desk was covered with stacks of unorganised documents and some random trashy novels. There were also a few strange items that looked nearly identical to him… he tries to recall Silver Wolf’s terminology sessions… Merch? Clothes were all thrown over the office chair like it was some cover.  And the bookshelf was a wreck. An absolute wreck. He could even see how your closet wasn’t even fully closed! How many things were just packed in there?

Looking at the room triggered his migraine. He needed to do something about the state of this room, as soon as possible. Since he basically had nothing to do, he decided to clean stuff up. He organised your shelf– the books were in the order of the genre as well as the titles. He folded and hung your clothes and lined them up according to colour, as well as length. Cleaned up your desk, put away your documents into your drawer, hung up the merch on your cork display, vacuumed and mopped your floors and everything else that he noticed that was out of place.

By the time he was done it was already morning.

.

The birds were shining– no, hold up, that’s wrong, it was supposed to be the sun was shining. Yeah so, the sun was shining! The birds were singing! But why was your favourite game character in the flesh, right in front of you. Were you still dreaming? That’s impossible. You were definitely 100% awake. So you decided to simply stare at the video game character, who was acting like a total malewife cleaning your room. Your mind quickly flashed a Pikachu surprised face at the scene. You were sure that your face was looking like that too.

After what felt like an eternity of staring, you finally spoke, “So you’re real….?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Blade replied in a deadpan voice and a straight face.

Ok so he was real. That was established. Here’s the issue though. How were you going to keep a used-to-be-a-bunch-of-pixels-but-isn’t-anymore man in your room and your house? How were you going to explain this strange man being present in your room overnight to your family? Although you loved your suicidal big tiddies, man…. He needed to go. All those isekai stories and novels you read never talked about what to do when a fictional man just poofs into your house that you share with your family. How does one handle the situation? Someone better make a novel on this now… How does anyone even expect to cope with something like this? What to do now?

You muttered under your breath while thinking and paced around the room like a manic and started, “Should I hide you under the bed? No, you’re too huge for that. My closet doesn't have enough space for you either…. Oh, maybe you can hide in the bushes? Like jump out of my window and stay in there… for some time till I call for you.”

Blade motioned to you to shut up. Fair enough. You guess you were being too loud. Suicidal man needed some quiet time, you supposed.

“No need, I can simply do this.” Blade snapped his finger and he disappeared into thin air. There was another snapping sound, and he came back.

“This is a high-tech feature made by the Stellaron hunters that helps us to appear as if we’ve become transparent,” Blade explained.

“Cool. You should have just told me that sooner.”

And that is how your daily life with the suicidal big tiddies man started. Well it started-ish. He needed to go back to his universe but he said that the Stellaron Hunting could wait. Blade decided that he was on a paid vacation. Thankfully he could still converse with his colleagues, and they were figuring out how to get him back, although they assured you and Blade both that it wouldn’t be a difficult task except it might take a few months till Blade could reunite with the Stellaron Hunters. In the meantime, however, you were tasked to take care of Blade by Kafka and Silver Wolf. 

You and Blade had lots of fun, or at least you think he did. Every day was like a sleepover. Having facials and putting on face masks on each other while watching movies. Or playing some multiplayer games. Blade sucked at gaming, so you had to teach him a bit. You also read him trashy romance novels and even some funny fanfics to him. One day you two even went out to go shopping for some clothes because your big tiddies man could not wear the same pair of clothes every day. Plus, he needed some variety and those cowboy jeans needed to go. Immediately. He looked funny with them on, and no one wore bell bottom jeans in this era.

Though Blade was very sad to part from his fanservice clothes, he fell in love with hoodies and sweatpants. He said they were soft and comfortable to wear. He also wore his hair in a high ponytail or a low bun to blend in with others. You suggested him to get his hair trimmed but he didn’t like that suggestion at all. Blade even gave you a nasty glare for that.

Meanwhile, your family thought you were getting too lonely because they kept hearing you talk to yourself or “someone”. They tried to gently poke you about it every now and then since they were concerned for your mental health, but you would always brush them off.

Recently they saw you holding hands with thin air. Your family definitely knew something was going on now. They even considered calling an exorcist because that was so weird. They even heard a man’s voice speak.

That’s a whole different story though. Maybe for another time!

Until then, Fin <3.

a/n: yeah this was very crack and not serious lol.

here's my taglist if you ever wanna get notified about my fic/hc posts!

[artisticmenace]

PROSHIPPERS DNI I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!

Other DNIs below.

im approachable and you should talk to me. cue hypnosis. on or off anon. you can literally never talk to me again if you wanted. this is the internet and idk who you are or where you live ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello, dear friends and accociates. Welcome to the normal info section.

hiii. I'm tabs. I'm suuuper gay(asexual panromantic). I'm also an artist. Any scorn or prejudice will be promptly ignored. Criticism will be looked over as long as its constructive. i am american 🇺🇲🏈🦅🤠

profile picture forever and always by me. unless this message changes in which im not using my own art as a pfp anymore.

fun facts:

im not a stoner but a lot of people think i am

i <3 maximalism and i want to be cecil palmer

in an ideal world i would be a clown

Status:

dude i AM the stress ball

About me:

I have a bunch of OCs, and I'm writing so many (unfinished)books... Yeah, that's right. I like to suffer and die creatively TWICE!! I can not be helped. I'm just goofy like that sometimes. I hate most non canon ships for fandoms im in, but I'll probably just go "ew" and leave you alone(depends on the ship, really). I haven't been tested for autism or ADHD but enough things line up, so I'm like 80% sure. The 20% is self-doubt. I like to dress fancy, and my general look is deep woods cottagecore that has recently drank from the lake of maximalism. You won't see pictures of me, probably, because my room is NOT clean. Sometimes, I vent on here, but that's because I am the only demographic this blog needs. I love you, too, but your feelings are only being considered a little bit. I use tone tags every now and then if I feel I would be misunderstood. On that note, I am more likely to ignore or ask for clarification if you say something rancid or silly than get on your ass about it.

Those Days:

I'm gonna be making a comic called Those Days about a small town old gay couple, Scott and Rodney, telling their life's story. They've been friends since their sophomore year in high school, and they've seen a lot. Scott was a punk, to say the least.

For the actual comic, you'll need to thosedayscomic, the blog I made for the comic.

^^ I'm currently working on the first issue. I do have lots of art of them though.

Tags for my comic:

those days, those days comic. also any character names first and last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Current Fixations:

Camp Here and There (Waiting for S2)

Welcome to Night Vale (all caught up)

The Magnus Archives (help)

The Magnus Protocol (screaming)

Good Omens (wkealt. wbotpfalt.)

Malevolent (blood covered screaming crying throwing up)

What's Currently Crippling:

Malevolent. good god.

Also:

I love interaction! I will always discuss my interests, and l o r e when asked. In other words, PLEASE TALK TO ME !!!

i use ibispaintx btw and i watch the ads for my brushes

things you can do with my art:

- You can use my art as a pfp or banner on any social media(if u rlly want to) excluding twitch and yt if u have a channel AS LONG AS YOU CREDIT ME

- you can use my art for like. wallpapers and edits or wtv. i dont care if u post them w credit as long as you arent selling them.

things you can NOT do with my art:

- repost w/o credit

- actually just steal my art

- use it to train ai

- use it for anything commercial unless ive either a) given you permission or b) you commissioned/traded me or i gave it to you for free (this includes twitch and yt if you have an active channel that you post/stream on)

if any of this comes up i will start using watermarks again even though i usually dont cause no one is stealing from me rn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Art Requests/Asks: Open!!

Art Trades: Open!!

DMs: Open(as long as you arent a creep or an asshole obviously)

(cant do commissions because the world hates me but dont be shy to trade me. not particular on what i get back as long as i made someone happy. cause it feels amazing to see something i did made someone happy)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DNI LIST because I'm a little hater:

proshippers (what the fuck. what the actual fuck. fictional or not.)

active members of the hazbin/helluva fandom(if i am reminded of that shitshow when you interact with my page UTAFSHBDBDBDJNSJAGAHAOSHHAGA)

racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, etc

pro-israel.

18+ blogs (a whole minor)

those problematic "sexualities" (ex. super straight, MAP, zoosexual)(also RCTA what the fuck)

people who fake disabilities/mental illness

people who actively misuse words that describe mental illnesses even though they are well informed about that sort of thing

those fucking people who ruin pretty houses and antique furniture and old clothing. fuck you.

people who write smut about canonically sex repulsed asexual characters(jonathan sims) and just people who decide they dgaf about anything like that. bi-erasure, aro-erasure. anything erasure. i hope youre having a terrible day.

sydelijah shippers get out.

(this one is unserious) people who dont deadname twitter

PRO HOA YOU DONT EVEN BELONG ON TUMBLR FUCK YOU I HOPE MY FUTURE SOMEWHAT UNATTAINABLE MAXIMALIST HOME PISSES ON YOUR BABY

people who are mean to me. i havent had any yet but just in case. if you disagree with my take, thats ok bc you arent the demographic for my blog. I AM!!!! /silly srs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's my sick tags:

artisticmenace - anything that is a post by me

menaceartisticity - art and art related things

themenaceuseswords- text posts. i say shit sometimes.

themenacerants - my new tag for when i lose my shit

menaceencouragement - words of solace and encouragement from me

menacepoetry - poetry/songs yeah. probably sad stuff cause im miserable sometimes

menacescrawling - writing. oh buddy boy.

menacemusicality - im a choir kid what do you want from me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, I love you.

going to collect these things because why not

credits, top to bottom:

butterscotch-goat

cowboyinternist (2)

[bittydragon]

Tired and Confused

Notes: Lookit! Sleepy bois meeting time! I may have wrote them a bit out of character, but who cares? Tommy and Tubbo don’t get much time in this one shot, I focused this one on the others. I have so many ideas for these as a whole AU. So it’s happening. And I got a couple things planned, one of which turned out a little angsty, whoops- ANYWAYS. Enjoy some sleepy bois with a tiny Wilbur! “You two sure you’re going to be alright while I’m out?” Tommy and Tubbo both looked at him, Tommy much more exasperated than Tubbo. Tubbo just looked apologetic for Tommy’s behavior. He still nodded with a wide grin on his face.

“We’ll be alright, Wilbur! I’ll keep Tommy out of trouble! Promise!”

Wilbur just shook his head and smiled. “That’s good, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, knowing full well that when he returned Tommy will have found some sort of trouble and dragged Tubbo into it despite what Tubbo said. There was no stopping that chaotic duo and genuinely, Wilbur didn’t want to. It’s what made life so much fun for them.

So, despite knowing full well the two boys were going to get in some form of trouble while he was gone, he left for his borrowing run. This run was most definitely not as essential as most of the other runs, he knew it was highly likely that Tubbo may yell at him for this run but he knew he could get back at him for all of his strange outings he would never explain. Seriously, Wilbur was scared that the humans were going to find out about them with how much Tubbo goes out. And Tubbo is far from careful, though Tommy is still arguably worse. Hence why Tommy has his borrowing rights revoked.

But strings and wire were far from the list of essentials in this moment. Wilbur just wanted to make himself a guitar. He had made one for himself a couple of years back when it was just him and Tommy. There was a human child in the house who had the strange instrument and played all the time. He even sang along to the sounds he made, which Wilbur later learned was actually called music. When he learned that Tommy really liked the music as well, Wilbur created a guitar and sang for Tommy whenever he could. He had to leave the original behind when the exterminator was called on them. 

Tommy had started getting stressed out lately. They’ve been in the same house for nearly two years now. They had never been in a house that long without being chased out. And Tommy has also begun to share Wilbur’s uneasiness over how easy it was to just live. Something was obviously off and Wilbur hated it. But Tubbo always insisted that the humans were just painfully oblivious so they continued their way of life.

Wilbur quickly snapped out of his thoughts when he realized he reached the entrance to one of the humans’ rooms. Well, this human was definitely less human than the other one but that changed nothing. He pulled back the loose pink wallpaper and slipped inside.

He began his careful trek to the desk where the string was normally located. He paused at every noise he heard before speeding up to finish his journey faster. When he reached the base of the desk he lifted his hook off his belt and threw it upwards only for it to fall back down. With an annoyed huff he threw it again. 

Only for it to fall again and clock him in the head.

“Ow! What the heck? Just latch you damn thing!” He muttered his angry curses at the hook while rubbing the sore spot on his head. He maneuvered the hook back into throwing position once more. “Third time’s the charm.” And with a hard toss the hook flew up, landed on the desktop, and-

Clocked him on the head again.

“Dang. You’re havin’ a rough time there, little nerd, aren’t ya?”  

Wilbur whipped around, eyes wide, to meet the rather amused gaze of the piglin hybrid. The owner of the room Wilbur was currently trying to borrow from. Oh gods, what will happen to Tommy and Tubbo? How will they know that Wilbur has been caught? He knows he can’t escape, especially not from this one. The other one Wilbur may have had a small chance of escaping but not this one. Not the one who fought other humans for fun. Wilbur hopes that Tommy and Tubbo can take care of themselves. Tubbo probably could, he could take Wilbur’s place. He could-

“Breathe, little buddy, breathe. You can’t do anything in a state like that.” Wilbur hadn’t even noticed how heavy he was breathing. His panic completely overwhelmed him in the moment. His lack of response did something for the human because the next thing Wilbur knew two large, pink tinged hands reached down for him. All Wilbur could do in his panic driven state was fumble backwards and let out a pathetic “stop” as they wrapped around him and lifted him upwards.

The fingers wrapped around him and Wilbur braced himself to have his breath squeezed out of him, but they only laid on him with enough force to keep him from falling. He could leave the grasp if he wanted, but Wilbur wasn’t keen on falling to his death just yet. He looked up to meet the gaze of the piglin hybrid. 

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. They just remained in a silent standoff with no reward to the winner. The gaze of those red eyes was unnerving but Wilbur found no malice towards him. No greed, no curiosity. Really there wasn’t any emotion Wilbur could find other than the small crease of worry on his face. This piglin was good at hiding emotions.

“So what now?” Wilbur stared up at the hybrid, awaiting his response. He was met with a flash of shock on his face before he once again concealed it into a vague look of disinterest. But Wilbur could find a small hint of relief hidden there. Perhaps because he spoke?

“I’ll just let you go on with your day, I guess.” The hands suddenly began shifting again and Wilbur instinctively grabbed one of the fingers as support as his heart began racing again. The hands suddenly parted and slid him onto the desktop, his initial destination. The piglin then raised his now free hand to the back of his neck and let his gaze wander away. “And I apologize for scaring you. Was not my intention.”

Just as suddenly as he had arrived, he turned around and began walking back out of the room. “Techno, you idiot, borrowers are easily startled. Remember that!” He whispered to himself. Wilbur whipped around at the statement, he doesn’t think he was supposed to hear that. This human, Techno he assumed, knew about borrowers. Wilbur didn’t want to dwell on it for too long, so he quickly located the string and left as fast as he could.

---

“Phil. There’s more.”

“What?” Phil looked over towards Techno, completely confused at what Techno was so worked up over. “There’s more what?”

“Little guys. More borrowers. There are more in the house.”

Phil’s eyes widened. More borrowers? But wouldn’t they have noticed that earlier on? Techno took Phil’s silence as an indicator to continue.

“It’s not just one in the house anymore. Phil, I accidentally met another today. No clue on how many are here now, but the number is now at least two.” Phil mulled it over for a second before speaking. He then shrugged.

“I guess we have more friends to meet then, right Techno?” Silence. “Techno?”

“...Phil. I basically adopted the new one already. I have a new brother now, Phil. He is my new brother, Phil.”

Phil couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Techno looked down, ashamed at himself. Phil walked over to his brother and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to stifle his laughter.

“You’re gonna have to tell him- ha- tell him that he’s your brother. And maybe introduce us- oh my god Techno I can’t.” And with that Phil dissolved back into his laughing fit. Techno could only look on as Phil laughed at him. He couldn’t deny that the situation was absurd, but the borrower caught Techno’s attention like nobody else ever has.

And in their conversation, neither of them noticed the shadow move across the kitchen counter and into the wall.

---

“My name is Wilbur, by the way. Just thought you should know your brother’s name. Cause it’s important, Techno.”

Techno could only stare at the borrower who just hauled himself onto the coffee table right before the two brothers could start their movie. Phil could only laugh at the situation playing out in front of him.

“Techno! He knows your name but you don’t know his! What an amazing brother!” Techno glared at his brother on the couch and elbowed him before returning his gaze to his tiny new brother on the table. Wilbur just smiled, and Techno could see the blatant look of no regret plastered over the borrower’s face

When Phil finished laughing, much to Techno’s relief, he turned to the borrower who was still waiting on the table. Phil noted that despite the playful behavior and act of courage, he was still nervously rocking back and forth on his feet. Phil sent him a small smile.

“Good to meet my brother’s other brother, Wilbur. My name is Phil. I’m your new brother’s other brother.” Phil smiled a little wider when Wilbur laughed.

“Don’t say it like that, it sounds weird. Just call me your brother and I’ll call you mine.”

Phil didn’t have a response to that. Techno nudged him with a look that screamed ‘see?’. Phil is also adopting this borrower as his next brother. It’s official, Phil has two brothers now. He snapped back into a more normal train of thought when Wilbur suddenly let out a large yawn. He reached up and covered his mouth with a nervous chuckle.

Techno went to laugh at his brother before getting cut off by a yawn of his own. That was then followed by Phil. They all looked at one another in shock. 

Phil broke the shocked silence. “I guess we are sleepy boys, huh?” That earned him the laughs he was hoping for. Phil noticed that Techno looked towards Wilbur and made some vague motion with his hands that Phil couldn’t decipher. After a moment of contemplation, Wilbur nodded and Techno reached forwards to scoop him into his palms and leaned back on the couch. He deposited the borrower onto his chest and Phil was gladly surprised to see Wilbur relax into it.

Phil was happy to have another member of the family.

Techno was glad to have someone other than Phil trust him like this.

Wilbur was excited to have two more people to call his brothers other than Tommy-

Shit. He still has to tell Tommy and Tubbo.

[kafkagf]

stream of consciousness

im screaming found my former coworker who i went on a date + hooked up w at the end of the semester’s reddit and omg its not looking good girls....like i dont want to be too mean but why do i attract ppl w nothing going for them w no ambition? he seemed really nice and genuine when we were talking and whenever we would hang out but now i have no idea how to judge ppl :( obv i know no one is perfect, im not perfect, i dont wanna be mean maybe im just coping but i just want him to talk to me lmao...

is going through his reddit an invasion of privacy? i guess id be annoyed if someone found my tumblr but i have no real identifying information here besides my name and age and he posts in all the subreddits of his interests. like it doesn't take a detective to figure out who you are!!! i kinda feel bad about learning so much about him this way, like its kinda through him but he isn't sharing these with me :/ sometimes i just cant control myself when it comes to like temptation and/or uncertainty :((  so according to his post he’s not busy, he’s on his “summer grind” so hes literally just been ignoring me, i texted him last thursday and he still hasn't texted me back, i refuse to text again to save my dignity but my god...honestly its summer so i totally get wanting to relax but if he was actually into me like he said he would want to talk to me right?? 

once we talked about not trying in our non major classes and we both agreed we didn’t care...but not caring in my book is a B+ and apparently he failed his summer abroad course?? in the post he talked about how he doesn't care about his gpa and ive been on the dean's list since my freshman year like im such a loser my gpa means so much to me. in terms of compatibility he also like drinks and does a lot of drugs and im p much sober and straight edge, our date went well and didnt feel awkward but maybe thats because i literally got rides home from him so we developed a report. 

i remember this post on here about tumblr being an aesthetic echo chamber and omg on our date i felt it, like i kept referencing things that i thought were like common knowledge and he had no clue what i was talking about, like philosophical concepts or films or whatever (pretentious girl things 😣) but omg why is dating and relating to college guys so hard :( to be completely fair to him i was like unclear on the date but i did hook up w him and have talked about a future with him very very lightly so i feel like he knows im interested? no idea man 

i might hook up with him again if im bored or be friendly with him but i dont think i should get too close to him, from what i found he seems like he has a lot going on in his life and i feel kinda bad for him, but no matter how much i rag on him im the bigger loser for getting played (possibly?) by him!! we’re both adults ill give him his space whatever. luckily i quit my old job and we aren’t in the same major or anything so i dont HAVE to see him again, its pretty much all my choice. but WHATEVER, L posting is good for the soul sometimes. 

i really miss being in the city. being home literally makes me so lonely and sad, ive been peeling the yellow wallpaper and whatnot, but like i caused all my misery so i have no one to blame but myself for my current state. 

[decimadragonoid]

* Let's read a story. * Yaaaay! Story time! ======== (EDIT, 12/4: Grammatical fixes to the contract were made.) ======== You've always known the world was a messed up place, especially considering the crime rate had recently skyrocketed in this city. And it surely doesn't help that the police are being overrun with thieves, thugs, and assaulters. You just walked into a nightmare with no hint of escape, almost comparably the same as when Alice stumbled into Wonderland and had no idea what she gotten into. Your life continues to flash before your eyes as you run into a seemingly abandoned apartment complex. No voices can be heard from the inside. Either that, or the heavy rain was somehow muffling any other source of human sounds and cues. You figure you have a second or two to breathe, but as you try to ponder on the idea of what to do next... 'There they are! They're headin' into that building!' a voice could be heard from the alleyway close by. A trio of thugs you barely managed to trick off your tail quickly find you about to run inside the complex. One of the thugs direct a bullet from his pistol at you, but due to the distance between you and the group, the bullet barely makes it to graze you. You run inside the complex and don't bother to pay attention to the condition of the inside; the green-lime wallpapers had seen better days and tore apart at the seams, the cracked lightbulbs continuously flicker on and off, dangling for dear life, some doors are unhinged, rusted, and battered like there were endless streams of commotions occurring in each unit, and yet the supports and insulation are luckily stable despite their terrible condition. From what you're gathering so far, the abandoned complex you ran into consists of three floors, but with the state of the rooms, you can't seem to find a half-decent hiding spot. 'Stop running, you little shit!' one of the thugs angrily yelled across the hall. You made it to the stairs. However, given the condition of the stairs, you feel as though they could break down any minute now. You don't care anyway and take two steps per one lift of your legs without taking into account that one or two steps collapsed behind your back. Although it managed to slow down the thugs for enough time for you to get away to the third floor, you still feel unsafe. It comes to a point where you just take cover in a nearby unit where the door was left slightly ajar. You don't bother to take a look around the room and take cover behind one of the couches. The couch you hid behind was next to a broken window pane where droplets of rain and tempestuous gusts trickled their way past the gaping hole through the glass. Just as the lightbulbs in the preceding floors did, the bulbs above continue to flicker on and off, even to the point of sparks flying. You try to keep quiet for a few minutes until the thugs decide to give up and leave. But unfortunately, their presence lingers behind your back as they split up to search the perimeter. 'Scope the place.' the leader ordered, 'They couldna gone too far.' 'Bitch, lookin' fer one kid in this fucked up place is like friggin' findin' a needle in a haystack.' 'Shut the fuck up and keep lookin' before I beat yo' ass!' The leader was livid, red in the face like someone who was about to blow steam after regretfully taking a bet to eat an entire habanero chili pepper in one bite. 'Fuckin' little shit, thinkin' you could get away with pullin' our fuckin' leg, skippin' y'ur debts...! Can't let 'cha play me no more.' Suddenly, a shot from nowhere could be heard. The acrid scent of a shot bullet permeates the room, particularly in your direction - east corner where the broken window pane is. The boss is down permanently. 'Boss??' one of the thugs look behind him and see his leader drowning in a pool of his own blood. 'BOSS!!!' 'Hey! Who the fuck did that?!' 'Wassup, gentlemen?' a wisecracking voice sounds from the west corner of the room, 'Ya got an appointment with me?' 'No way... That voice!' 'Breakin' into my crib unannounced ain't very nice, y'know, especially since I don't play that shit with burglars like you.' Before the last two thugs can make out who the shooter was, their lives flash for one last time as they fall to the ground, their foreheads transfixed by two bullets. The acrid scent of gunshots still won't go away, but you're slightly relieved that the trio won't bother you anymore. However, there's still that unknown shooter to deal with. You hope he hasn't noticed you yet, and that he'll leave to scope the place out for any stragglers affiliated with the thugs who chased you in here. However, no footsteps can be heard. Even more so, your slight moment of relief has ended. 'That's about 93 confirmed kills.' the voice calls, and then a small silence fills the room. 'And, uh... you?' the voice calls again. You tense up almost immediately and barely make it to utter a sound of confirmation, 'Y-yeah?' 'Yeah, you. Get over here.' the wisecracking voice beckons. You can barely get your legs to move, but somehow you're able to get past your temporary paralysis and stand up from behind the couch next to the broken window pane. You try to slide your left leg in the direction of the door, but the voice apparently quickly takes notice. 'Up-up-up-up-up-up-up. Not left, Jackie Robinson. Straight. This ain't Brooklyn. Y'get me? S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T. Straight.' You don't know whether the voice is trying to beckon or prank you, but you decide to cooperate with the supposed wisecracking individual for now and walk straight to the table. Surprisingly, despite the dim lighting, electric sparks, and torn wallpapers, you can see a firm desk in the west corner of the room, which is ironically nicely kept. Not only that, but the knick-knacks, collectibles and papers are neatly organized. You notice a pencil holder with several mechanical pencils, two broken Ticonderoga pencils and an indigo-colored Gameboy Color with a Pokémon Crystal cartridge inside. The porcelain coffee mug with the crossed-out text '#1 Daddy' replaced with 'Killa' is still mostly full. You also find a Pikachu Nendoroid figure standing on top of a Master Ball, both of which were kept properly and showed no signs of wear or tear. Sitting behind the table on a black leather rolling chair is an interestingly built man wearing a fedora with two small decorative feathers wrapped behind a bow ribbon colored similarly to the German flag. He wears a harness behind his back holding two dual Japanese katanas with black hilts, both of which are carefully wrapped behind his black trenchcoat, charcoal-colored vest, light gray wool sweater, black turtleneck, and cashmere plaid scarf. The wraps from his trenchcoat dangle across the table. Below the thick brown workbench table, you notice a utility belt with a buckle colored like his red spandex mask with the black and white eye meshes, probably wrapped around his coat and vest to keep the bottoms of his sweaters from peeking out and covering his red spandex tights and knee-high motorcycle boots. 'Got an appointment with me or somethin'?' the man asks. 'N-no...' you reply, 'I was just trying to get away from those three men you shot.' 'They got a beef with ya?' 'Just some debt I could never hope to pay off.' 'What, from these lowlives? They always come traipsin' around this place. You just brought along the last of 'em.' You feel like this man isn't as bad as you previously made him out to be, but you decide you really have to go back home now. 'Well, thanks for helping me. But I should really get going now.' you say to the masked man. You stand back up and head out the door, but before you can reach the hallway, the masked man takes on a more serious tone of expression. 'What? So that's it?' he says in a colder tone, 'I come to your rescue, and you're already leaving? You just walked right into the lion's den, thinkin' you could leave just like that?' The air intensifies as you watch the man lift up a Wild West revolver in his right hand, three shots still ready and waiting to protrude through human flesh. And knowing the current situation, you might be next. 'Y'know, people usually piss their pants when they see a man in sexy red tights and a trenchcoat. Once they get a look at me, the guns, and my swords, they know shit's gonna get real, fast.' he continues, 'Matter of fact, I got about 87 reasons to slice you up and fill ya with holes. Who knows? Maybe my kill count will reach 180.' You try to aim for the door, but your body is frozen solid with fear. Now, a sense of dread and hopelessness encompasses you as you finally give up and think of one final thought, 'If it's gonna happen, just do it.' As you finish your thought, you shut your eyes and wait for the man to pull the trigger. A fourth shot echoes throughout the room. But strangely, you don't feel any impact from the revolver. You slightly open your eyes to find that the man didn't shoot the fourth bullet at all, but rather made a realistic gunshot sound similar to how Tarzan pointed a shotgun at Clayton and made a perfect gunshot sound before throwing it away. But why? Why didn't he shoot you for intruding his space? A small chuckle slips from the man's mask as he bursts out laughing. 'Pffffttt...!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What, didja seriously think I was gonna go all bam-bam on your ass??!' he laughs and snorts, 'Aww, man! You shoulda seen the look on your face!' You get the feeling this wisecracking masked man is a nutcase, but he doesn't bear any ill will toward you. 'But... why? Is this some kinda--' 'Ehh, don't sweat it, kid! Trust me, I know every face on these streets. Danger lurks around every corner and the police doesn't do jackshit to keep things in order. They half-ass it 100% of the time.' 'W-well... Just who are you anyway?' you blurt out in the heat of the moment. 'Hehehe... Well, if ya really wanna know...' he directs his left hand towards the seat you just stood up from to get ready to leave. 'Sit down. Take a load-off.' You decide to stay for a bit longer to hear the masked man's story. Everything continues to happen all at once like a bad acid trip. 'Name's Deadpool. Detective. Deadpool...' he says, 'Or, if you prefer... just Deadpool will do.' The masked man introduces himself as Deadpool and proceeds to give a small introductory speech. 'Like I said, the police half-ass their job dealin' with crime and all that shit, so I'm the one who deals with bad guys who slip under their radar.' 'So wait... You're, like... a mercenary?' you ask Deadpool curiously. 'Part merc, part detective.' Deadpool replies, 'I'm what you call "The Merc with a Mouth."' Suddenly, it hits you. You've heard of this nickname before. A lot of kids at your school often tell stories about how they spotted the 'Merc with a Mouth' on the streets running after criminals and killing them in the shadows. 'So... you mean to say--' you begin your thought, which Deadpool quickly ceases. 'Ah-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de.' Deadpool quickly stops you from finishing your next question, 'Lemme stop you right there, kid. I ain't a hero.' The way he shushed you mid-question gives you the impression that he's a good mind reader. You decide to carry on with your next thought. 'But... y-you protected me, didn't you?' 'True. But the bottom line is, I’m a bad guy myself. A vigilante would be the politically correct term. And frankly, you shouldn’t trust a word I say.' Deadpool states realistically. But as much of a realist he was, the next comment he was about to make was about to bathe him in a less dim light than most villains in reality and fiction these days, 'But... let's just say there's a loophole of sorts. I think we can understand each other when I say, I’m just a bad guy who fucks up worse guys.' 'However...' He quickly smacks his lips, hidden inside the red matte texture of his mask, 'We ain’t got time to mince words. It’d be stupid to bore you with a friggin’ long ass backstory. That ain’t the reason you’re here. By that look on your face, you’ve seen a whole lotta shit you can’t un-see. And honestly, to think you of all people just found me by chance... I’m actually kinda flattered.' After finishing his last sentence, Deadpool grabs a shoddily-made paper plaque drawn in crayon, which reads 'The Badass Sexy Motherf#king Private Detective Out for Blood and Guts, P.D. Deadpool.' He also grabs a piece of paper, neatly places it on his desk and turns it towards you to read carefully. It looks to be a contract of sorts, stating the benefits of his services, as well as his boundaries. You read the contract carefully while Deadpool eyes you mischievously. The contract reads... 'Upon feasting your eyes on the sexy and immortal merc with a mouth, you understand that he will not take any responsibility for any vigilante activity he might cause while on the case. Who needs the fuzz anyway when you got swords, guns, and combo moves like Ryu from Street Fighter? And you wonder why the man standing before you didn't make it into Super Smash Bros... He would've ran up to Daddy Sakurai's door pleading with tears flowing down his red spandex mask until he at least made a Mii outfit for him rather than giving him an original moveset.' 'By signing this short and sweet contract, you recognize that this world is f#ked up and needs to be turned the hell upside down. Whatever trouble ails you in this town, the all-seeing eyes of the merc will see to it that the worse guys suffer greatly, for their judgment is nigh.' 

  You can't tell if there was a small grammatical mistake or two in the contract, but overall, it looks professional. You don't know what to think. You've always tried to stay out of trouble ever since leaving home to pursue a better life in the city, but things have obviously gone south long before you set foot on the merc's turf. Although, part of yourself feels like you could use an extra set of eyes. Perhaps a little help from the shadows is exactly what you need. And so, you decide to discuss with Deadpool the dangers that have creeped up on your back. And no one else will know but the two of you. 'So, kid... What can your good ol’ pal Deadpool do for you today?' ======== * Nice! Beautiful. Maximum effort. Seltzer water and lemon for blood. Etc. Etc. Etc. Just. Lovely! This is the potential start of a random skit and/or askbox series! This'll probably the only piece that turns out to be extremely unhinged. Or maybe not. Who knows? But I'd really like to turn these random Deadpool doodles into a skit and/or askbox series. So, if you want to give any questions or comments to the merc, feel free to leave some. I'll also flesh out some skits on occasion. Fun, fun, fun! I'm never gonna get sick of Deadpool now! First cosplay, now this! I'm so excited! ======== Deadpool © Marvel, Fabian Nicieza, Rob Litfield

[defdaily]

[TRANSLATION] W KOREA Magazine November 2015 issue x GOT7

Translated by haetbitmark

From JYP Entertainment that has not debuted a new male idol group in long time, GOT7, the 7-membered group debuted grandly in January last year. Be it from their debut song ‘Girls Girls Girls’ and even the song ‘Just Right’ that was released in the summer, they are always simple and cutely confessing, showing a boy(ish) side. This is probably why, compared to their older songs, GOT7 that returned with the song ‘If You Do’ that feels more masculine, seem different somehow. It hasn’t even been 2 years since they stood on their debut stage but during this period, the boys have turned into men. And here, the things that then 7 men have not been able to show, the things they want to do, are still aplenty.

W: You are currently diligently promoting ‘If You Do’. Compared to the somewhat cute and lively ‘Just Right’, this song feels definitely more masculine. What were your thoughts the first time you heard the song?

Jr.: I was on the fence. Of course it was good but it is so different from the songs we’ve been doing so I was worried that the fans would hate it. But after shooting and looking at the MV, I (realised) worried uselessly.

Youngjae: I think this fits GOT7’s style more. The songs that we’ve released so far are pretty much similar generally; I’ve wanted to try something strong and different so I’m excited that we’re able to promote with this song.

Jackson: This song is really strong. Isn’t it just a ‘man(ly) song’? When I first heard it, I thought “Ah, this is our style!”

W: To GOT7, ‘If You Do’ is a song style that fits you more?

JB: Compared to ‘Just Right’, this song feels more comfortable. Since we are guys, it feels more natural to be acting manly than to be acting cute.

BamBam: During my trainee period, I practiced a lot with songs that are similar in style to ‘If You Do’. Therefore, when we first released ‘Girls Girls Girls’ and songs that are lively and cute, there were difficulties. Because we pretty much did not practice for that kind of songs. But now, since we’re able to show to the fans something we’ve practiced a lot for, it’s even better.

Yugyeom: Of course it seems like the fans would like any (type of) songs we do. We’re really thankful for that.

W: Previously, on a portal site, there was a GOT7 fan that said, “If you watch this and you don’t end up like GOT7, you should just leave Earth” and uploaded a “fandom entrance” video. Clicking on the link, it was the choreography video for ‘Just Right’. Do you remember recording for that?

JB: After schedules, we returned to the practice room and recorded it to the best of our abilities and the response were good. For us, when we get excited, we’re usually the type to get really excited. Therefore, we recorded that really excitedly. I don’t really know why the fans especially like this video (laughs).

Youngjae: I guess the fans like it more because it included sides of us that were more natural/laid back?

Jr.: For music videos, it’s been edited several times and it’s a put-together version but for that video, I think we were all a little more honest (relatable). We weren’t wearing our stage outfits, we didn’t have heavy makeup on so we looked more natural/laid back.

W: Have you thoughts of why your fans like you out of the 7 members in GOT7? What do you think your fans like best about you?

Jackson: Probably because I’m honest. How about this? We go around and talk about each other’s most attractive point. Firstly, I think they like Yugyeomie because he’s innocent. (Yugyeom: It’s been a while since that innocent disappeared.) For BamBam, his style is great and he has exceptional fashion sense. His proportions are great so whatever he puts on looks cool. For Mark hyung, his mysteriousness is his advantage. The silence is great.

BamBam: Mark is just handsome (laughs). Also, like Jackson hyung said, when he doesn’t speak he’s able to maintain the mysterious image which is a huge advantage. The other members and I talk a lot so the fans know a lot about us but on the other hand, since Mark doesn’t speak much there are still a lot of things the fans don’t know about him. Therefore, they are more curious about him. But for me, they’re no longer curious about me (laughs).

W: We don’t know if you still remember this but in the early days of your debut, on a rolling paper, you all wrote each other’s characteristic and (that) is still around on the net. It’s memorable how everyone did not leave out “Good leader” when talking about JB.

Jr.: JB hyung is someone who has enough existence (presence?) to lead GOT7 as a leader. Also, another reason why we wrote that was - if we wrote it like that, hyung would be able to see it right? We also included it so that when he sees it, he will be more responsible for the future. Therefore if I were to say it again, it’s this: Half of it is me really thinking he’s a good leader and the other half is engraving (telling) “you are a good leader” (to JB).

W: Then we would like to ask JB. Isn’t it hard being a leader?

Jr.: I want to answer this instead. I’ve looked into JB hyung’s heart (laughs). The answer is, “It’s really hard”. This is because, how much do guys in their late teens and early twenties listen (to instructions)? Just gathering everyone together itself is a difficult task. You really can’t say it’s easy.

JB: But for me, I don’t exactly feel it’s hard. Ah of course, in the beginning it was hard. Usually, wherever I go, I would be the maknae (youngest) so I wasn’t used to taking care of the younger ones. But now, between us members, our opinions matches and we have no problem communicating with one another. I don’t need to worry about any one person too.

W: During other male idols interview, when we asked what their personal goals were, pretty much everyone said “end of the year awards”, “to hold a large concert”. However, there was someone who said, “I really want to earn a lot of money”. Therefore, we’d like to ask GOT7 members. If you managed to earn way more than you do now, what would you want to do?

JB: To be honest, I don’t have the greed to earn much money like that. If I had to have a goal, then it’ll be to provide a home for my parents. Since young, we’ve been very close to my aunt so I’d like to provide a home for my aunt’s family too. Also, it’ll be great if I have my own place, and I’d like to have a working studio in my house. (Jr.: Then you’d need to earn a lot. A whole lot.) It’s not a simple dream. Working hard after starting this work/job, I want to achieve at least that.

Jackson: I want to let my parents travel around the world. I really want to do that before they get older.

Yugyeom: I want to ensure that my parents are able to live comfortably without worrying about money.

Mark: Honestly, there’s a watch I’d like to buy. I think it’s something I can only buy after a lot of time has passed. Firstly, I’d like to earn a lot of money to buy a really huge house in the States.

BamBam: I’ve actually achieved one of my goals. Would I look pretentious saying it out? (laughs) I’ve bought a 2-storey house in Thailand. I chose everything from the wallpaper, floor tiles to the furniture so it’s a home that I feel a stronger attachment to.

Youngjae: If I have a lot of money now, I’ll start with changing the car(s) GOT7 travel in. To a really good car. This is on the assumption I have really a lot of money.

W: In 10 years time, you will mostly be turning 30. Have you thought about what you’d be like in 10 years time?

JB: I don’t know. If like mentioned earlier, I’m able to provide for my own accommodation, I’ll probably be working on music at home. But I don’t think I’d live a life like a popular star or celebrity. I just want to live quietly making good music. Of course this could be different depending on situation.

Jr.: I’ve not thought about life in 10 years but I’ve thought about life in 20 years. Ah, now thinking about it, in 10 years, I’ll probably be doing my military service. (JB: Ah, then I should make a correction too. We’ll probably all be doing our military service in 10 years.)

Mark: Around that period, wouldn’t we have married and have a new family?

BamBam: I want to open a restaurant. Right now in Thailand, my family has a restaurant but I want to open my own restaurant. Like how I decorated the house personally, if I could decorate the interior with my own hands, I don’t have anything else I wish for.

W: After the release of your new album, it seems like you’re busily spending your days. Earlier, you reached the studio close to 7PM but for some of the members, you were eating your first meal for the day. In this state, what are the ways you relieve stress.

Youngjae: I like playing games. I play really various games but lately I’ve been mostly playing FIFA Online or Winning. When I’m playing Winning, I play a lot with JB hyung or the manager hyung but sometimes I play with Jackson hyung too.

JB: I think I just sleep? I’m the type to release my stress by sleeping. Sometimes I play games on my mobile phone too. The game I’ve been into lately is ‘Mu Origin’.

Jr.: I like watching movies. I especially like watching them alone. I absolutely can’t watch movies with someone else. It’s important to focus only on the movie. I don’t even buy popcorn. Lately, there have been a lot of schedules that I’ve not been able to go to the theatres so I’ve bought movies off on my phone and watch it there. Yesterday, after a long while, I re-watched ‘Toy Story’ that I used to watch when I was younger.

Jackson: I don’t usually get stressed out. I’m the type to always try to think positively.

W: It’ll be almost dawn by the time filming is done. What will you do when you head back to the dorm?

JB: It’s probably different based on our conditions but in this condition now, I think I’ll be going to sleep.

Jr. I’ll shower first. Since I need to remove the makeup (laughs). And then I’ll finish up the movie I was watching yesterday. (W: Toy Story?) Ah I finished that, now I’m watching ‘The Thieves’.

BamBam: Yesterday too I pretty much stayed up all night, so I should quickly head to bed.

Mark: I’ll first play with the dog for a while.

Translated by haetbitmark

[lovemesomesurveys]

What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? A gorgeous b&w photo from a photoshoot Alexander Skarsgard did. I chose it because it’s him and he’s gorgeous, duh.  Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Nope, they’re just plain black leggings. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I didn’t mind the few I’ve been to. I liked playing the games. Who is the person you text the most in your life? What relation are you? My mom or brother. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? I like some foods from each of those.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? No. Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? No. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? I don’t have a favorite fast food anymore, honestly. I’m not big on it like I used to be. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? I don’t mind some tattoos or a couple piercings, but I’m not super into them. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? No, I’m the short one who needs to ask others for help. Do your siblings bring people around that your parents don’t approve of? No. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? Depends on what it is. Certain things I might do both. Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a trophy? How did you do this? No. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? Nah.  Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I don’t like when people just throw that and OCD around. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? I’ve had several done in my life. I used to get my kidneys checked once a year. Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? No. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? Black. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? This is worded weird, but yes actually. It happened in elementary school, but I still remember it quite vividly. I got a chip stuck in my throat. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? A monkey because of my long arms. Has anyone, including yourself, forgot it was your own birthday? Not anyone close to me, no.  Chocolate or strawberry birthday cake? Choose one. Strawberry, hands down.  Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Out of the two, veggies because I do eat spinach oftenish. And potatoes. I haven’t had any fruit in quite a long time. :X Do you abbreviate things way too often? Do you get called out on it? No. I only do “lol”, “lmao”, “wtf”, and “wth.” Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? No. What is the funniest conjunction you use throughout your day? I don’t think any of them are funny. Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? No. Does the dentist calm you or does it tend to stress you out? I have never found the dentist to be calming. I get very bad anxiety when it comes to the dentist. It’s a real fear. If you had to choose, which is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Hmm. I’ve seen a few shitty movies, hard to choose the worst one. Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? When they’re not working properly haha. Do you like movies that are originally based on children’s books? Sure. Is your hair more thick or thin? Is it more curly or straight? Thin and wavy. I really wish I could get extensions.  Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: Feet. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? I’m not very outgoing or social.  Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? Nah. If you had to choose, which celebrity would you date out of all of them? Alexander Skarsgard. ;) Do people feel sorry for you for no reason? Have they ever? I’m sure I look quite pitiful. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? The repetition of questions. Especially ones about marriage and children. Who would you take with you on a stranded/deserted island? Someone who could help get me off. Do you have your own personal boom box in your bedroom? A boom box, wow. No, I don’t. Haven’t had or used one in several years. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? Nope. What would you say is the worst part of high school period? The teenage years are a rough, pivotal time. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I don’t care for apples. Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? Noooo. What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality? I’m not sure what kind you’re talking about. Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now? My black Adidas with the white stripes. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Yeah, pretty close. Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? If I’m randomly doodling, that’s one of the few things I’ll draw. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? I’d have my loved near me and talk to them. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? No. Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? Yeah. I don’t think they’re annoying. It’s usually a good thing. Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? No, I’m good about that. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Turkey, salami, and bologna.  When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when? I have no idea.  Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? I forget what the last pair I bought myself was, but I just received a few pairs for Christmas. Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? Nope. I don’t want to lay or sit on the grass at all. It makes me itchy and there’s bugs. When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends? My sleep schedule is the same regardless of the day. I tend to go to bed around 5AM and wake up around noon. Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? Yes, a few. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? I’m single. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them? Yeah. I haven’t had candy in quite awhile, though. I’m not trying to “slack off of them”, I just haven’t had any.  What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life? 8. It’s been my favorite since I was a kid. Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? I’d be afraid of being attacked or killed. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. I always got good grades. In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? I need to go to bed. It’s after 5AM now. Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? I only take showers. I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid. Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? No. I keep a lot of my opinions to myself. I mean, yeah I have opposing views. We’re not all going to agree on everything. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? Nope. What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard? I have no idea. I’m a very fast typer, though.  What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this? It was always math. I was horrible. Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I always picked at my nails in class. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? No. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? My mom. Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. I used to text with them or Snapchat or something, but not anymore except for here and there. I’m not close with any of my cousins anymore like I used to be. :( Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? I never found any of my friends’ parents creepy or mean. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? No. When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? I have no idea. I have no reason to. Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? Non-fiction.  Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who? No. I’m not a  chatty person, generally. I do have my chatty moods sometimes where I want to tell myself to shut up, though. ha. Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it? Nope. Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I try to. These past few years I haven’t been the most pleasant to around. I get moody, irritable, snippy, pissy, and short with my family and that’s not at all how I want to be. They don’t deserve it. I know I don’t like when people are that way to me. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? Sweet and quiet. I was the “pleasure to have in class”! Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? Nooo. I avoid it like the plague. How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? I don’t have to make a big spectacle about it if I don’t like someone for whatever reason. I can still be polite and civil if I have to interact with them. Would you say you’re someone who likes to cuss a lot? Nope.  Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I mean, my parents don’t know everything. I tell them a lot, especially my mom, but I also keep a lot to myself. Not just from them, but from everyone.  What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Donny. Yes, I know him personally. They’ve been friends all my life. If you had to, where would you get a tattoo at? Why? I’ve always thought my inner wrist, but I don’t know now.  How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? However much the iPhone XR is. Would you say you hang out with people the majority of your life? I spend quite a lot of my time alone, but I spend a lot of time with my family as well. What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? Uhh that would be quite shocking. I also dye my hair red, so if I woke up and it was purple one day I’d be pretty concerned. Do you ever look in the mirror and name all of your flaws for no reason? I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible, and when I do I keep it short. If I spend too long that’s exactly what would happen. All my flaws become magnified and intensified and they’re all I see. Are you getting sick of the reality show Survivor? Why? I never watched it, but I’m surprised it’s still on. Do you usually explain to people why you do the things you do? Not usually, no, but with some things I guess. Or at least try to. I don’t even understand why I do what I do. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? No. I wanted to as a kid. What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? I don’t have a desk in my room. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Any of the surgeries I’ve had. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? The strawberry frosted and the brown sugar frosted ones. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? I only like to wear black ones. Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? Quiet, generally. I mean, if they get animated and excited about something and get a little loud that’s fine, but not loud in general. That would give me a headache haha. It’s like, “why are you shouting???” Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ What. When is the next time you’ll see someone who is pregnant? I have no idea. Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? No one copies anything I do, nor should they. Where is your favorite piece of electronic equipment? I’m using it right now while sitting on my bed. Where is the person who ‘owns your heart’ at this moment in time? I’m right here. Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? Ha, no. I’m not a cook. Would you say you’re a fast texter, or are you pretty slow? I’m a very fast typer on a computer, but not as fast on my phone. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? Nacho or Cool Ranch. I’d drink whatever I had at the time, which would likely be a Starbucks Doubleshot and/or water. I haven’t had Doritos or any kind of chip in a long time, though. Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? I don’t have any enemies. Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Uhh I might from my mom or brother about certain things cause I can be nosey with them lol, but no not generally. Does it freak you out when the police drive by your house? No. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? I don’t take a lot of naps even though I’m always tired. Naps make me groggy and more tired, but sometimes sleep just wins and I give in to a nap. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Sis. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? No. I don’t plan my outfits unless I’m going certain places or packing for a vacation. What is the color of your favorite pair of pants? What brand are they? I like my numerous pairs of black leggings, ha. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? Yeah, a few have. Do you ever promise pc4pc on Myspace then never return the favor? Wow, I remember those days. I was good about keeping my end of the deal. What is one song right now that really gets on your nerves? Hmm. I can’t think of one in particular at the moment.  What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? My childhood. Do those annoying infomercials ever draw you in to buy things? I’ve seen things that were of interest, but nah I’ve never ordered anything from an informercial. I’m always skeptical about anything they try to sell. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive. I can’t tell you how many speeding jokes I’ve received as someone in a wheelchair throughout my life, though. -____- Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? Nope.

[foreverwcnter]

begonia — flowers mini-series / peter parker

| teaser | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 |

pairing — peter parker x reader

warnings — blood, probably swearing, a bit of angst i guess

summary — part 4 in which peter learns that a flower can be more memorable and passionate than the words “I love you.”

author’s note — if you’ve made it this far in the mini-series, i can’t thank you enough for supporting it. i know my writing isn’t the best, but i’m still learning and improving. if you found this fic first, i recommend going to part one and starting from there. it probably isn’t the best thing you’ve read but feedback is always appreciated. writer’s don’t get a lot of support from just simple likes. small comments with reblogs always make their days. of course, it’s your choice to add comments for support. 

══════════════════

Sitting in your bedroom doing a facetime call with Michelle, you carefully sprayed a few plants with the spray bottle. You still had yet to bring up what happened with Peter the afternoon before, but Michelle was asking you questions about your gardening skills and so on. It was fine though, sooner or later you’d bring it up to the girl.

“So what did you and Peter plant last night? Peter told me he was going to help you with some gardening and I’m just curious as to what you planted,” MJ explained, leaning against the table she sat at, her hand propped up by her elbows and hands.

You leaned back against the wall by your twin-sized bed. “Well, we planted some sunflowers together, the kind that grows to like ten feet or something like that. But something surprising happened too.”

“And that is?” MJ hummed softly, arching an eyebrow in interest.

“Well, Peter went on and on about how it’s tough being a hero and it brings a lot of unwanted dangers and risks to the people he cares about. This was after I told him the meaning behind sunflowers and he said he wan- he is my sunflower. He also said he’s in love with me.” 

MJ just smirked. After a moment of silence, she let out a long sigh. “Finally!”

“W-What?”

“Peter’s loved you for quite some time, he claims it was love at first sight. At first, I thought it was just him being an idiot but seeing how you interacted, I knew it was real,” MJ explained, smiling at you through the screen.

“We’re going on a date tonight, we also kissed yesterday and it honestly was amazing,” you paused, raising an eyebrow curiously. “Wait- why aren’t you at school.”

“Didn’t feel like going, plus I’m going to some protest thing at lunchtime so-”

You nodded, zoning out for a second before MJ claimed she needed to go get ready. You hung up shortly after and stood up, ready to go to check on your plants in your garden.

Heading up the stairwell to the rooftop door, you ran your hands against the rusted railing, lost in thought. You entered the area you adored so much, digging through your supplies to pull on a pair of tweezers, deciding it’d be best to remove any unwanted critters from your plants, especially the edible ones you often used for cooking. As you walked over to the area, you couldn’t help but think about what Peter had planned for both of you. 

Maybe he was going to swing you around New York, take you to a cafe or a florist shop. It had to be something amazing. You knew Peter would strive to make it wonderful. It was who he was. You could tell by the way he was so interested in learning about what you learned. It was another thing you loved about the boy. He was always passionate about other people’s passions. 

You carefully picked up a small slug from a leaf, setting it in a small container so you could dispose of the critter safely. As you rose to your feet, a gruff voice came from behind you.

“Hello, little lady.”

Whipping around, you were faced with two buff and tall men, each holding some form of a weapon and a gun strapped to their belt. Every part of you seemed to stiffen with fear. 

“I see you’re close with our friend Spider-Man,” the first one explained, taking a step closer, which ultimately caused you to back up. “We just need a little motive for the guy and we’ll be on our way.”

“Yeah, I think the motive you’re looking for is somewhere else, so I’m going to go-” you trailed off, moving quickly towards the door to get away from the men. Two loud bangs caused you to stumble back. The door now bore two holes in it, both from the gun one man was holding. 

“Not so fast.”

You scrambled to the box of supply you hand, hoping to find something - anything - to defend yourself. Gripping a small hand spade tightly, you held it out in front of you, moving backward away from the men who pursued you slowly. The panic was really setting in now, shining in your eyes as you tried to getaway. One fired another shot, aiming only for your leg or any place to slow you down. It almost grazed your skin, hitting one of the rose bushes you had. 

“P-please just leave me alone, I won’t tell anyone anything,” you begged, tripping over a flower bed and falling hard against the concrete. They gave no regards to your garden, walking through it and damaging the plants you worked so hard to care for. One held a long machete, cutting off stems and small branches ruthlessly. 

“No can do, sweetheart. Spidey’s taken quite a liking for you no doubt and there’s no better way to catch the guy by using his love as bait,” the first man snickered, firing yet another shot, this time hitting your leg. You collapsed, crying out in pain. Your phone fell from your back pocket into a patch of pink flowers. Clutching your thigh, you felt the warm liquid stain your hands, still attempting to scoot away. It was no use. They grabbed you by your arms, yanking you up roughly. 

“It hurts, doesn’t it,” the one glared, grabbing your face with his calloused hands. A whimper left your lips before they hit you across the head harshly, knocking you unconscious.  They carried you away, heading to the outskirts of the city where they'd keep you, ready for Spider-Man to find you.

Only hours later, Peter had arrived on the rooftop, still in his suit. He pulled off his mask quickly, letting out a soft breath. “Hey y/n-” seeing you weren’t there, he paused, glancing around. “Y/n?”

The sight he saw was a nightmare. Your garden was destroyed. The previous sunflowers that already had been looking to the sun were all bent or cut down. Plants were trampled and broken. Petals laid across the ground ripped from the buds they rested on. This was not the doing of his new girlfriend. You were far too loving and gentle to do this to your own garden. He looked around, noticing a hand spade on the ground before seeing something he didn’t want to see.

Blood. 

“Oh my god,” he breathed out. Peter pulled out his phone, dialing your number only to hear the ringtone in a flower bed right next to him. Peter leaned down quickly, picking up the phone from the small bush of begonia flowers. The screen was cracked right beside the wooden row was a stain of blood on the ground. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no,” he muttered, clutching the phone tightly. Taking his own, he called Ned urgently. The boy picked up after a few moments and Peter began to rush out words. “Ned, Ned, Ned,” Peter rushed out, his chest heaving and breathing fast, showing his panic. 

“Slow down, Peter!” Ned exclaimed. “What’s happening?”

“Oh god, Ned, y/n is in danger. Her garden is destroyed, I don’t know what happened! I was coming to pick her up for our date and everything is ruined. All her work and there was blood and I found her phone. N-Ned, I’m scared. I’ve got to find her- I’ve got to call the police-”

“Peter, breathe.”

The brunet boy nodded as if Ned could see him, trying his best to take deep breaths. Peter was so scared for you. Only yesterday he was talking about losing a loved one and here he was, unsure of where you were and if you were even alive. 

“I’m going to call the police, get them over here and have them file a missing person report. Then I’m going to find her.”

Peter hung up and quickly called the police. He explained everything to them and it didn’t take them long to arrive. Peter had changed into normal clothes and was currently staring at your phone. The wallpaper was a selfie you and Peter took together. He bit his lip, frowning. It was adorable. You both had smiled at the camera and put flowers to your eyes. He wanted more photos like these, but part of him kept saying that might never happen because you could be dead. Looking away to stop himself from tearing up, he walked over to your father, who looked like a mess.

“Hey, Mr. L/n. Are you okay,” he asked nervously.

“I’m alright it’s just- my baby girl is out there hurt and scared and no one knows where she is. I’m worried about her,” your father explained to Peter. “She loves you, Peter. You’re a good young man and while my daughter thinks she doesn’t deserve to have another person to love, she does. She got what she needed. Thank you for being that person.”

Peter smiled sadly at this, looking down. “I probably need to head back home. My aunt will be worried once she hears the news.” 

Your father nodded and Peter looked back to where he had found your phone. Then it hit him. Begonias. It was one of the flowers you taught him about. Begonias meant deep thinking, but the other meaning haunted Peter. It meant beware. This made him realize he would have to beware the dangers ahead. The dangers that could easily get you killed. 

↳ taglist — @hey-its-grey @natalia-rushman @glimmering-gamora @lovesick-valkyrie @pufflypuffle @uglypastels @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @spidermansmj14 @simi11 @abby-blxck@pxterbpxrker@softboydeacon @scoobieboobiedoo@euphoricmads @not-jay-c@bbyaubergine @marveley@jammelchinas @daphsingsalot

[twilightvolt]

And so, another year has come to pass.....almost. ^  ^

Remember when i said i was branching away from Digimon back when i drew up Venom fanart? y’know, “I wanted to be more than what i used to be.” that being “a Digimon artist.”

2019 was basically just that. lots and lots and LOTS of fandom hopping.

If last year was me recovering from the pain and crippling anxiety of 2017, then this year was me finally getting up again, learning to stand up and live for myself rather than in fear of those i shouldn’t care about anymore. life still hasn’t been too kind to me even though, compared to last year, we’re in a better space. but i’ll get into more detail about that while i go through everything month by month on the clock.

Before we begin, if you’d like to see the previous years, here’s the links!

2018:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/181732950569/i-kinda-was-saving-this-for-when-i-had-the-time-to

2017:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/171806337539/a-3-month-late-art-summary-featuring-art-that-i

Might wanna grab your popcorn, my dudes. this is a long one.

January: On the Web

Coming out of 2018, things were pretty ok if i remember. i don’t remember much from this month aside from a few doodles i did like this one from when Spiderverse was the hottest thing. this was one of the last things i drew in my old style. before i decided to officially change things up in the next month.

February: Gotta Kick it Up

Pokemon Sword & Shield were announced and things were hype! oh, how things soured as the months went by. lol

But yeah, this was me taking that experimental sketchy pencil style from that Smash Bros. drawing and rolling with it all the way! it’s become my new go-to style and even though it’s still hella sketchy at times, i feel like it looks better in comparison to my old ink outlined drawings.

March: The Overdrive Dweebanoids

Oh right. my old Ben 10 phase that lasted for a millisecond in 2016 returned with a vengeance. and it was glorious. lmao

It spawned an AU that i didn’t delve into much, but if i ever get that spark for my favorite alien watch bearer, i’ll get back to it.

April: True Blue Lizard Bois

My Ben 10 streak continues and i was crankin’ out art left and right for it. i luved all the “doodle dumps” i made, but this drawing was wholesome and i picked it because of that.

To some extent, this could be a comparison between my past and my present. that being Overdrive!Ben being what, at the time, was my current obsession while Digimon!Vivi was a representation of where i used to be, back when i was starting out and entering Digimon OCTs on Deviantart.

May: Return to the Realm of Sleep ~HD ReMIX

Now THIS i feel was one of the grandest drawings i’ve done this year. hell, i even made a wallpaper out of it.

like, it was just a redraw of an old drawing from 2017. but to me, it was a way to tell me just how far i’ve come since then. and i couldn’t be happier.

This was also the month i rebooted my DA after a long time of inactivity!

....Iiiit didn’t really work much, but i’m still working on it. though i highly doubt it’s worth it considering most of the ones i used to hang with there are either people i don’t wanna associate with or people who left while i was gone. seriously, it’s a ghost town there.

June: Art Fight 2019 ~Dreams Vs. Nightmares~

Ahh, my second year of Art Fight. for this year’s event, i wanted to be a tad more grandiose. like drawing up this banner. i like being extra and stuff even if it kills my drawing hand, so yeah. lmao

...

Florida thunderstorms are friggin’ terrifying. idk HOW anyone can get used to that.

July: - BREAK DOWN -

Oookay, it was hard picking my favorite attack this year cuz i pretty much was satisfied with all of them. but i had to go with this attack because the artist i drew it for was someone i really admired for years and i’m just happy i could finally have an opportunity to draw them something. like, i luv how it came out, so yeah.

This was also the month i forced myself to finally do the thing and let go of the constant fear i felt towards certain people i used to hang with. while remembering 2017 will never NOT hurt, i can’t let that fear rule over me forever. i have to take control and not let it stop me from doing what i want. and that’s exactly what i did.

August: Ricky ~Sapphire, Emerald and AlphaSapphire

Oh yeah! after Art Fight ended, i returned to Pokemon randomly cuz i wanted to go back to my roots for a moment. revamping Ricky, formerly Ragna, and Yagami was something i’ve been meaning to do for awhile and it reignited a waning love for a series i started growing distant towards since Gen VII.

I used to really like Ricky’s old design even though i barely ever used him. but i guess this just shows how much more original i’ve gotten in terms of character design. ^  ^

September: Heartbeat Inferno

Now, i haven’t really talked much about what’s been going on life wise for most of this post, but trust me when i say irl, things weren’t really.....happening. like, it’s hard when you live (or rather, lived now) in a place with little job opportunity and you have NO experience whatsoever. the lack of progression must’ve hit something in me, so the week i drew this was me just....shifting moods, feeling everything at once. one day i’d be agitated as hell, the next i’d be so depressed i took a some odd hour nap and didn’t wanna get out of bed. like, for most of this year, i haven’t felt this stressed out and frustrated with myself. so this sudden crash was kind of....unwelcome.

But this drawing was a fresh change though, if i’m being honest. i’m not usually this uncaring about how clean the coloring job is, but i like it! i’d choose that other drawing i did for my friends’ birthdays, Skirmish at the Cable Club, but this one had a more personal drive behind it.

October: - PAPERMOON -

beastarsbeastarsbeASTARSBEASTARS--*COUGH COUGH AHEM* I MEAN....hai. :D

Continuing with my Pokemon shenanigans, i drew this big piece which was something i had in my head for years now, but never actually acted upon it cuz i always felt it was too big of an idea to work on. i’m happy i’ve managed to capture what i envisioned originally.

As for interests, i’m sure most of my current followers can deduce that i quickly shifted gears to Beastars as soon as the anime was released and so far, i regret nothing. it’s spawned a metric butt ton of new art from me and the way i see it, this phase ain’t stopping as long as this series continues. brace yourselves fam, i believe i’ve finally found the successor to my Digimon phase. lmao

Like, damn, i had a tough time choosing art for this month. i was stuck between this, - SMILE/WILD SIDE - and Slip Into Madness. so many good drawings i was satisfied with, y’know?

November: The Future is Now

I was SO planning on putting something else here, but then suddenly i just kinda had this urge to redraw that uggo gouache painting of Miyagi from highschool. and it turned out so good that i had to. like, really. lmao

As with the redraw of Dream Drop Digital’s key art, it was a reminder of how far i’ve come since then art wise. and i feel like i’ve accomplished so much this year because of it. ;w;

December: Winter Lights

And now we’re back to the present time. after over a year or so of living in Florida, we’ve moved once again back up north a bit. yet another clean slate, but things seem to be looking up despite the rather large bumps in the road the past week or so. lately i’ve been feeling that seasonal depression starting to set in, but i think i’ll be fine as long as i stay positive. cuz y’know, it’s not being happy all the time. it’s just knowing that things will get better someday.

One of the other reasons i drew this drawing was cuz i REALLY wanted to have something Beastars related on this clock. this series (and Legoshi in particular) really inspired me, so i had to leave a wedge open for my boi.

Looking back at the beginning of this decade (as 2020 would mark the next one), i realized that the 2010′s were basically me becoming more artsy. finding enjoyment for a new hobby that quickly became something i’m now more passionate about than video games which i didn’t think would EVER be the case.

Funny enough, it all started in the RP section of a little forum for an MMO called Wizard101. i was only in middle school at the time and, to tell you the truth, i had no idea i’d be going at it for this long. thought i’d just do it on the side but not really delve into the art world more.

But despite all the trips and falls, fandom drama or otherwise, i wouldn’t change anything if it meant i wouldn’t have the friends who’ve stuck by me in the aftermath of those times.

I may not be really succeeding in much, but it’s the small steps in life that matter most in the end. these past few months in particular was me getting fed up with feeling sorry for myself for not doing the things i was interested in in the past, getting over my regret and making plans for starting something new even though i know i’ll suck at first and not worrying so much about how others might perceive me.

And just like how life was changing for our resident grey wolf this first season, mine seems to be doing the same. and i believe this decade ended on a better note than i thought it would during the past couple years leading up to this.

Here’s to a new decade! ^  ^

~ For a future I want to believe in. ~

[kimjoongs-main]

first love! au - jaemin

↳ based off of this idea i had

↳ type: bullet scenario

↳ warning(s): n/a

↳ a/n: the amount of hw i could’ve finished instead of making this :’)

okay let’S GO

we all know how passionate is jaemin when it comes to volunteering and giving back to the community

so imagine him volunteering weekly at a daycare center near his neighborhood

he absolutely loves and adores all the children he meets and acts like a big brother figure to them

his reason for helping out in the daycare in the first place is that when he was younger, his mom would put him in a daycare and bc she had to work, and he remembers the older boys and girls who volunteered there when he was just a kid

he remembers how nice they were and the way they treated him, especially the boy who would always secretely give him a piece of candy every time he came in, and he remembers the sweet girl who would always boop his nose and ruffle his hair

jaemin wanted to reciprocate their love and affection to the kids at the daycare so that’s why when he first heard from renjun that they needed more people, jaemin jumped on that train so quick

now he’s been helping out at the daycare (w jeno, renjun, and hyuck as well) for about a year and a half

the kids absolutely admire him and would always cheer whenever they see jaemin walk in

the people who work at the daycare were very impressed at jaemin’s ability to memorize every single child’s face and name and even remember little things about them

and when a new child joins, jaemin easily makes them feel welcome by hovering around them and asking them to join in on games

he’ll tie back a little girl’s hair or give her a cute braid and he’ll give a little boy a piggyback ride around the center just to hear him laugh

also you better believe jaemin’s fiercely protective of these kids,,,like fiercely protective

one time a little girl named minji tripped and scraped her knee, she only let out one small cry and jaemin was already sprinting across the room, reaching little minji and scooping her up in his arms, gently tucking her head into his neck and quietly shushing her

he then proceeded to clean the scrape so it doesn’t get infected, all while carrying minji in his arms, and then after he read her a story to help her fall asleep soundly in his hold

renjun took a pic of this moment and jaemin loved it so much he made it his wallpaper

since jaemin’s super super good w the kids, the people at the daycare put him in charge of helping out the new volunteers and showing them how to do things

and that’s where you come in !! you’ve been desperately trying to find a place that takes volunteers bc you may or may not have made a stupid decision that almost got you suspended if it wasn’t for your parents pleading to the school to ease up the punishment

now instead of suspension, the school’s making you complete at least 200 hours of community service as a chance to “whip you into shape”

ofc you didn’t want to but it was better than getting suspended, so you reluctantly accepted the deal and now here you were, standing inside a daycare in front of a boy w peach pink hair and a smile too bright for your liking

“hi! you must be the new volunteer, my name’s jaemin and i’m in charge of helping you. nice to meet you!” he holds out his hand and you have to physically restrain yourself from flinching

you see, you weren’t the social type, the complete opposite actually, so you could already tell that this guy was someone you weren’t going to be all buddy buddy with

but you needed the hours so you just sucked it up and managed to send him your best smile and shook his hand

“nice to meet you too...i’m y/n” you replied quietly

right behind jaemin were three other boys who looked about the same age as him; one was currently painting a picture w a 4 year old girl, another was sitting on the floor w a group of kids and reading them a story, and the last one was running around the room chasing a little boy

jaemin looked over his shoulder to see what you were looking at and laughed “oh i should probably introduce you to everyone else. the one painting is renjun, the one on the floor is jeno, and the loud one is donghyuck”

you blinked at him as he gestured for you to follow him inside, which you did, but immediately regretted it when five children ran up to you and peered up at you curiously

they kept talking over each other, possibly trying to ask you a bunch of questions, and you felt overwhelmed

sensing your obvious discomfort, jaemin quickly moved over to stand next to you and clapped his hands, catching their attention

“okay kids that’s enough, y/n’s our newest helper so make be nice and welcoming okay? go on and play w the others, i’ll be right back”

and to your suprise, the kids responded back w a loud “yes nana” and left

jaemin looked at you sheepishly “sorry about that, they get really excited when a new person comes by since it’s usually us four that come in”

“it’s only the four of you volunteering here? i would’ve thought there’d be more”

jaemin sent you a sad smile as he showed you to the back room where he gestured for you to sit on the leather chair as he sat across from you

“i thought the same too, but whenever new people come they tend to leave pretty quickly after” “why?”

he sent you another sad smile “they find it difficult to take care of the kids. my friends and i are the ones who’ve volunteered the longest, so the center’s pretty grateful for us”

your heart aches slightly at the revelation and you peer out the door to look at the children, heart aching even more as you see them running around and laughing

“so, what brings you here?” jaemin asked, and you winced at the question, causing him to raise his eyebrows

“i..um...i made a really stupid decision..and my school’s making me do community service to make up for it.”

jaemin let out a soft oh and you mentally slap yourself; great, this guy probably thinks i’m a terrible person who’s only here bc i’m forced to, which technically isn’t a lie but—

“do you like kids, y/n?” jaemin’s next question interrupted your train of thought and you blink before it fully registered in your brain

“oh uh..yeah i do actually. i just..i’m not...very social..so i don’t know how to act around them yet.”

jaemin nodded his head at your answer, a serious look on his face, before he broke out into a soft smile and walked over to you, placing his hand gently on your shoulder

“well that’s good enough for me! listen, i know you probably think that i think you’re a bad person bc of the reason you’re here, but trust me when i say stuff like that doesn’t matter to me. just the fact that you came here instead of somewhere else says a lot. i’ll be here to help you out if you need it, so don’t worry y/n. i’ll make sure you not only complete your required hours, but that you also have fun doing it.”

jaemin grinned once more before he turned around and walked out “i’m gonna grab your uniform really quick, so stay put!”

you just sat there staring at the door in shock at what you just heard...it was the first time someone’s been that nice and nonjudgmental towards you

you glanced down at the comm. service log sheet in your hands and sighed “maybe....this won’t be so bad”

for the next few weeks, you and jaemin are practically glued to each other as he helps you get into the swing of things

as expected, you fumble a couple of times, but jaemin is always there to help you back up and even offers some advice so you don’t make the same mistake

since you two spend a lot of time together, it was inevitable that you two would grow close pretty quickly, and not just jaemin, but renjun, jeno, and donghyuck too

you sometimes found yourself being invited to hang out w them outside of the daycare and it’s so..refreshing to be around them

as the weeks pass, you also slowly become fond of the kids and vice versa; you’re especially fond of a little boy named juhyun who loves to hold your hand every chance he gets

and as jaemin watches you play w the kids, he can’t help but smile at how much more comfortable you’ve become, not just w him, his friends, or the kids, but w yourself too; he can tell you’re rlly enjoying your time here

and as you two spend more time together, and learn more things about each other, you two can’t deny the feelings brewing in the depths of your heart

jaemin’s kind, and self-less personality is what drew you to him and your willingness to learn and awkward, yet endearing nature is what drew jaemin to you

he was never rlly quite sure what his feelings for you were, until he witnessed something about you he’s never seen before

there was a new volunteer at the daycare and as usual jaemin was in charge of showing him around; you were playing w juhyun when jaemin left for a bit to grab the new guy’s uniform

at first everything was normal, but then you heard little areum start crying and your head whipped up so fast; areum was sitting next to a pile of toppled blocks and the new guy was standing next to her, glaring

“quit your crying, your block tower was in my way” his sharp tone caused areum to cry even louder

appalled, you stood up and made your way over to areum, carefully picking her up in your arms and tried to calm her down; you sent a glare to the new guy “what was that for? she’s just a little girl, you don’t have to be so rude”

the guy rolled his eyes “she’s annoying that’s what”

“if she’s so annoying then why don’t you leave? it’s obvious you don’t get along w kids so why are you even here?”

the guy stepped closer to you “you can’t tell me what to do”

“but i can” you breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of jaemin’s voice, and the guy whipped around

jaemin was standing there w a bright grin on his face, but the way he was clenching the uniform in his hands told you that he wasn’t actually happy

“here at the daycare, we put the well-being of the children as our first priority and ensure that they are safe and happy. however, since you’ve shown behavior that goes against that policy, i’m afraid i’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

the guy scoffed, but left w/o a word, knowing that this was a fight he couldn’t win

when jaemin came back, he saw you kneeling in front of areum, gently cradling her face and wiping away her tears, and he felt his heart clench tightly at the sight

the worry on your face and the way you held areum as if she were a fragile piece of glass solidified his feelings for you

however, he was still unsure of how to express those feelings to you

and unbeknownst to him, you felt the same exact way :’)

a few more months pass and one day jaemin decided to walk you home from the daycare

on your way there, he asks you the comm. service hours thing is going and you falter a bit, biting your bottom lip shyly

jaemin, as perceptive as ever, quickly notices and asks if you’re okay

you stop walking and sigh, looking up and locking eyes w him; your heart skips a beat when you take in his iridescent eyes, twinkling as they reflect the light of the moon, you could get lost in them forever

“jaemin, there’s something i need to tell you...” you pause and he nods, urging you to continue “my community service hours...i completed all 200 hours a few weeks ago”

his eyes widen in surprise “seriously?! wait, if that’s the case then you don’t have to volunteer at the daycare anymore right?” you nod your head slowly “......then, why?”

you take a deep breath as you force yourself to step closer to him; jaemin gulps when you do so, but doesn’t make any move to stop you

“well it’s simple, i’ve fallen in love” jaemin felt his heart stop and his breath caught in his throat

“i’ve fallen in love w the kids, they’re my absolute world now and i would do anything for them. i’ve fallen in love w the daycare, it’s my safe haven. i’ve fallen in love with little juhyun who keeps falling asleep on me. but most importantly...” you step closer “...i’ve fallen in love with you, na jaemin”

jaemin’s chest fills with so much happiness and adoration for you as your words register through his brain. his beautiful bright smile appeared on his face, and you can’t help but smile back

and that’s all it takes for jaemin to close the tiny gap btwn the two of you; he brings his hands up and gently cups your cheeks as his lips land softly on top of yours

the kiss is sweet and so jaemin-like that you feel your stomach doing all kinds of flips and tricks; you reach out and grab onto his jacket, tugging him closer to you as the kiss deepens

you two break apart when the need for air becomes apparent, but jaemin leans forward and rests his forehead against yours

“that’s funny, bc i’ve fallen in love with all of those things too” you start blushing “except for juhyun tho, that little guy needs to back off”

you giggle at the playful glare on his face and jaemin’s expression softens at the sound; he plants another kiss on your lips and...let’s just say your parents weren’t too happy when you came back home after the sun went down :’)

the next day, you and jaemin walked in the daycare hand-in-hand, receiving knowing looks from renjun and jeno, and a loud whoop from hyuck

and when the kids saw you and jaemin sneak in a quick kiss, chaos ensued

“jaemin and y/n sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!” “jaemin just kissed y/n!!” “eww they’re kissing”

you just laugh and scold the kids for their teasing, and jaemin kisses you again for fun

[mha-pokemon-zine]

Interest Check Results

Hello! The interest check has come to an end and we have received a lot of interest! Meaning that the zine is proceeding forwards!  Thank you very much to everyone who submitted a response!

We are going to display the results as well as responding to comments and questions received! We will also be making an information page for this, however it will be much shorter, so if you’d like to see more in depth responses, feel free to read the rest of the post! If you have any questions that aren’t mentioned in here also, feel free to send us an ask!

Since the first question is to just get a general idea of who may apply, we’re skipping straight to this one!

 The zine will include both written works and art based on this, as it is clear that so many people would like to see both! 

Based on the results, we will definitely be requesting that writers and artists try to include the 1-A and 1-B kids as much as possible! Additionally, we will not have main drawings focused around civilians in the BNHA universe as they were not as popular as many of the other results. If any writer or artist does want to include a civilian in their piece though, they are free to do so if it is not the main focus! For example, if someone is writing a Shouto piece and they decide to include Fuyumi and Natsuo that is totally fine! 

(Also 1-B had way more votes than 1-A right up until a week before it closed which was super surprising! They had 100% until people started excluding 1-B from their votes. I guess 1-B is always on the sidelines, sorry Monoma-)

We received a wide array of pokemon for this question! We will be making all the pokemon we received on here into a list and allowing contributors to choose from them if they would like to, especially with the pokemon mentioned multiple times! Since we did receive a lot though, we can’t really guarantee that all of the pokemon mentioned will make it in, however we will try to get as much in as possible, as well as pokemon that weren’t mentioned as well!

We also got a few super specific requests for pokemon coupled with BNHA characters! We will be giving these as suggestions to the person creating for them, however if the contributor doesn’t want to include that specific pokemon because they had other ideas, we will not be forcing them to!

Now! Onto the Comments/Questions section!

I'm wondering what the general tone of the zine would be and what kinds of stories would be requested of writers

 We would like the overall tone of the zine to be focused around friendship/bonding between trainers and their Pokemon! So overall, a more lighthearted zine. Writers and artists will be free to make their piece as they please as long as it doesn't go into NSFW territory or themes that are too dark for the Pokemon universe.

-Don't make it a free digital zine. I, and many others, would love to buy this. If it's free/digital only, I will not be interested in participating or downloading. -Not digital online only,,,, Iinterested in real zine book w/ merchandises and bundl

Since my last response (found here) I have gone back and checked again, and unfortunately I still do not feel comfortable making this a physical zine. My original concerns were due to issues with Nintendo claiming on other platforms, and since then I have found a zine Nintendo shut down despite it being a charity zine (something that I had actually considered prior to making the zine free) and especially due to all the issues in regards to zines scamming, I really do not want to say that the zine be charity or even for profit and end up having to cancel the zine completely. I hope that you can understand!

Will there be a physical copy of the zine?

There will not be a physical copy of the zine for reasons mentioned above.

Will there be merch?

As of right now, we do not plan on doing merch, however if any artists are interested in doing free digital merch for the zine like wallpapers etc, we will leave that option open to any artists who may be interested in creating them!

There are so many zines out there that don't deliver or are scams @m@ I hope this isn't one isn't one of them. I love pokemon! I'd also apply as a writer but thats for the apps process....

We intend to see this zine out until the end! We received quite a lot of interest so we will definitely be proceeding forwards! We hope you still apply as a writer!

I want to ask whether there's a overall time frame of when the zine will take place as I'm currently working on other BNHA projects as well. But aside from that, can't wait to see this come to life! Keep up the amazing work! :D

We will be posting the schedule for the zine shortly! 

What is the stance on ships? What's the desired maturity rating? If you use a mix of artists and writers, what ratio would you be looking at and roughly how many total contributors would you be trying to find?

Our stance on ships will be that there is no romantic ships allowed, however if you do want to draw two characters as friends in the image you are free to do so! The reason we have decided no romantic ships is because there are a lot of ships that may not be everyone's cup of tea, but with platonic stuff most people will enjoy it, even if they do or don't ship them romantically!

The Maturity rating will be mostly PG, however for characters in canon who are perhaps foul mouthed, we will allow writers to still make use of curse words if they would like to.

Overall, because this is a free zine, we do not have a set amount of contributors we expect to accept as it mostly depends on how many applications we get in the end. Overall, I'd like to have at least 30 contributors overall, but there may be more or less depending on who applies and how many apply to each category. Because of how writer to artist ratio normally goes in apps, I'd say there will probably be an 8 artist to 1 writer ratio, but again, if a lot of writers do apply in comparison to artists then the ratio will change!

Is this zine gonna focus on the individual people and MHA and thier pokemon or is this also gonna be relationship focussed? and by relatioship I don't just mean shipping, I mean partnerships, friendships, maybe people who travel or work together.

We intend for the zine to be focused more around individual characters from MHA and their Pokemon, however if an artist or writer would like to include perhaps friends or rivals into their piece they are free to do so as long as it is not something romantic.

Generation 9. The game isnt out yet amd the list of all pokemon. How will the zine show the new generation?

For Generation 8, we will be allowing contributors to include Pokemon revealed so far. Additionally, we will not be allowing contributors to make shiny versions or even evolutions of the Pokemon revealed so we can avoid any inconsistency in canon.

[zonkutonshorrifyingpeenie]

12, 13, 14, 2?

Anon said: All of the powerwolf asks I dare ya

welp here we go.

How long have you been a fan?

About 7 or 8 months give or take?

Who is your favourite band member? Why?

Attila all the way. short answer, him… soft. Long answer, I love his voice, his humour, his kindheartedness, and also he makes me feel really gay things every time I see him.

Do you write fanfiction? Who do you ship?

Welp  I certainly do that, currently in the process of writing a long-ish werewolf au of the boys (MarilynsWolf on Wattpad *cough cough*) with the two ships being Falk/Attila and Roel/Charles.

Which is your favourite song?

Venom Of Venus or Sacramental Sister are my two go-to favourites

Which is your favourite album?

Overall? Probably Bless and Possessed

Have you seen them live? When? What was it like?

I fucking wish. I am but a poverty stricken Australian who could never afford to travel to bloody Europe to see them cause god knows they’re not coming here any time soon.

Favourite song off Return In Bloodred?

The Evil Made Me Do It

Favourite song off Lupus Dei?

In Blood We Trust

Favourite song off Bible Of The Beast?

Moscow After Dark

Favourite song off Blood Of The Saints?

Son Of A Wolf

Favourite song off Preachers Of The Night?

Last Of The Living Dead

Favourite song off Blessed And Possessed?

Let There Be Night

Favourite song off The Sacrament Of Sin?

Venom Of Venus

Favourite bonus track? (Orchestral versions, bonus tracks off History Of Heresy II, etc)

The orchestral version of Moscow After Dark

Favourite Communio Lupatum cover?

Ira Sancti by Eluveitie. I love the vocals of it so damn much

Favourite makeup era?

Probably the one where Falk had the tear lines running down his face, so just before SoS came out.

Favourite song performed live?

Lupus Del is a fun one they’ve done live

Do you have any merch? Show meeee!

Well I technically do, but it’s in another country atm cause a friend and I haven’t worked out shipping stuff. It’s one of the recent tour shirts, nothing fancy. Also EMP doesn’t ship to Australia so there’s that barrier as well…

Do you have a Powerwolf-related lockscreen/homescreen/desktop wallpaper? If yes, what is it?

My phone lockscreen is Attila and so is my laptop’s lockscreen.

Favourite melody/instrumental?

Look, the entire instrumental of Let There Be Night makes me feel things a lot

Are you in the FB meme group? Which is your favourite meme?

Yes. I am an admin of said group, even. As for my favourite meme? I am but a simple man. 

Favourite Wolfsnächte 2018 recap video?

London, definitely. Mainly cause I can spot a few dear friends in the video

Favourite interview?

I liked the interviews they did for the DVD release. Matthew’s accent when talking in english is really fuckkn cute and I liked Falk And Attila playing off of each other in their lil interview parts

Favourite A Day With Powerwolf video?

Shit man, I couldn’t tell you. They’re all p good

Have you seen the documentary? Did you like it?

Yes I have and I actually went to some degree of length to actually buy the damn thing cause I can only understand english and ¾ of that doc is in german so I cried a little bit. But it was cool and I did see it and I liked the little insights the boys give us from it.

Do you want a Powerwolf christmas album in your life?

Hell Fucking Yea

Do you have a Powerwolf tattoo? Post a pic??

I unfortunately do not, but I’ll probably get the logo on me somewhere at some point.

Have you ever DIY-ed something? A t-shirt, necklace, etc?

Well, I’m planning a full on cosplay of Attila at some point does that count?

Which season goes best with Powerwolf’s music?

Probably Autumn or Winter. I find them to be good “curl up w a cup of tea and listen to them” music.

[kawaiibobatea-blog]

Return and Confrontation

Okay guys and girls. Beauties and gentlebeauties. Friends, Romans, and Gladiators. Assassins and Templars. Whatever you are. Here we are again with another chapter. I am really sorry that it took so long to get out. In my life I’ve been going through more problems and just can’t seem to catch a break. In addition, I’ve been in school where I’ve been having to work on Trig work and it’s killing me since I’m absolutely terrible at math.

So anyway, I really hope you like this chapter. I think it opens a few doors that may have been previously forgotten about since things took the first turn that they did. So I hope that you enjoy this and that you’ll leave a comment or shoot me a message. Nothing makes me happier than the feedback I get from the people reading my stories. It gives me motivation and happiness to keep going. I don’t have to have a large audience, but if there’s one or two people that like my stories, then it makes me smile that I’ve been able to make some people happy.

SO anyway. Enough self-promotion; disgusting!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rays of sunlight had never assaulted her eyes as these did. Even behind her eyelids, the young woman could feel the intensity of the sun. When first she registered her coming out of an unconscious state, her eyes opened instantly guarding against the assault through the parted curtains. She dared a glance at her surroundings trying to look passed the spots of varying colors that dotted her vision; paling that she recognized none of the environment of where she was currently placed. With a still spinning head, she pushed herself off the surface she had been placed on. A dizzying glance confirmed that it had indeed been a bed. A comfortable one at that.

The wallpaper in the small room was an off pink floral pattern. The floors—while not pristine wood by any means—was not decrepit. The bed had faded white bedding held by a tarnished golden bedframe. The bedding matched the curtains even in its off-white nature which were slightly parted to let the small slit of sunlight in that had awoken her. Three wrought iron bars prevented the window’s opening which also barred off her first choice for an escape route. With the peek between the curtains, a tree swayed in the breeze. Her current aching body would protest in the loudest degree—if not refuse to work at all—if that climb had been available. While the room didn’t look like one that would be her grave or her prison cell it didn’t look like a warm welcome either. With the addition of the small toys and books littering the floor, she couldn’t help but feel the room creeping on the “horror movie” level.

She took small steps testing each spot and avoiding the ones that made a groaning noise, she headed to the door. Each step closer to the teak door added to her already present shaking and shallow breathing. If the door opened and she had been spotted… She didn’t even want to think of what would happen to her. When she had finally reached the space in front of the door, a small triumphant smile rose to her lips but was quickly removed when a loud creak echoed through the room and most likely to whoever, if anyone, was around. Her whole body froze, cold even down to her blood, when the hurried sounds of footsteps headed closer and closer. Eyes darting in every direction, the realization of her limited escape routes becoming more prominent. Trying to think as smart and yet as quick as she could, she dipped into the corner of the room and waited.

Praying with everything that she was that the person would pass the room and leave her alone to escape. Counting the seconds, it seemed her desperate prayer had worked. The doorknob remained unopened separating her captor and her from each other. With an exhale of breath, she didn’t even know she had been holding, she lay her head against the wall and closed her eyes already exhausted once again. The sound of metal screaming to make a movement that it hadn’t had to make in a while pierced through her, and she watched in horror as the doorknob turned. The door opened, and the thump of her captor’s boots littered the creaking floor. Hidden behind the shadow of the opened door, she tried to stay out of sight. Straining to see, she watched the black boots turn around and an exhale almost bordering on relief and pride. It didn’t take long for Frisk to realize she had indeed been caught. The hand had just grabbed onto the door and pulled away her hiding space when Frisk grabbed something behind her and flung it at her captor with all the force and determination she could muster. Porcelain shattered against the captor’s head and he staggered. Reaching behind her again, she gripped onto something and swung with renewed vigor and desperation. A loud thunk resounded and the man collapsed, holding onto their head.

“Dammit… Frisk, what the hell?” The man on the floor said, holding his head and trying to push himself up.

Frisk peeked around the door and the full view of the man was displayed in front of her. Her blue eyes widened, and she quickly dropped what was in her hand. A now broken in half bat.

“Jason!” Frisk knelt by her boyfriend’s side and brushed some hair away from his face ignoring the protests and his hands trying to push hers away. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t know it was you.”

“Well damn… who the hell else did you think it would be?” Jason murmured, gingerly touching the cut at the corner of his eye from the broken porcelain and the large lump on his head.

“W-Well I didn’t know! I woke up here and I’ve never seen this room before.” Frisk tried to reason, her guilt increasing with every pained groan Jason uttered. Being a pacifist, Frisk had never really been so physically strong, so she even shocked herself at the sheer determination she had presented. That had been one hell of a fight or flight response. “C’mon, let me help you up.”

“You sure you’re not going to finish the job?” Jason muttered and chuckled but was cut off from Frisk’s cold stare. She wrapped an arm around her and hoisted him up and sat him on the bed. “You hit hard.” Jason uttered. He glanced over at Frisk and smiled at her to ease the worry evident in her eyes.

“I really am sorry.” Frisk said and smiled softly when Jason’s hand rested atop her head. She was glad that she hadn’t harmed him enough to where he needed to go to the hospital or even worse, where she could’ve possibly killed him. Her smile fell when Jason ruffled her hair and caressed her cheek with his thumb.

Frisk had never seen stars so beautiful as she had that night. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the crisp, clean air swirling around or if it was because of present company. It was the eighth anniversary of the escape from the Underground. Every year they sat in the same spot looking at the stars. Sometimes during the year she’d find herself staring at the sky during differing times of the day, wanting to get away from the hustle and bustle of Ebott’s inner city. From the two patches of grass that never seemed to grow back, Frisk was sure that he had been doing the same thing as well, although his reason for doing so was unclear. This year was no different. She had arrived a little late, but he hadn’t seemed to notice. He had already unpacked the meal that had been ordered from Grillby’s. A meal from the best chef—human or monster in her opinion—was common, almost a part of life. However, this one day every year, it was different; just a meal in the beauty of the stars with just the two of them.

The beauty of this night was extra spectacular. She had been happy all day, there wasn’t a lot of paperwork and another monster had been hired to work in the ambassador’s office. Even all this time later, progress was still slow, but it was a huge leap forward. Her excitement must’ve been evident because she had no more than sat down when she heard a chuckle from next to her.

“good day kid?”

“Huh? How could you tell?”

“i’m surprised your face isn’t exhausted from that wide of a smile.”

“…Sorry.”

“i didn’t say it was a bad thing.” Sans had said. “anyway, you were taking a little while so i already unpacked. hope ya don’t mind.”

“Of course not.”

Frisk had sat there for what felt like forever, but in a good way, talking about everything and nothing; this and that. There were no awkward moments. It had been busy, and Frisk hadn’t been able to hang out with her friends for a few weeks, so she was ecstatic to be told everything that had happened. Politics and all the city’s dealings weren’t his favorite things to discuss since he would always toss out those sections of Ebott’s paper, but he never stopped or interrupted Frisk when she talks about it. In fact, he almost seemed interested. It never failed, their conversations always turned into a joke fest and puns flew back and forth to see who could win this time. So far Frisk had only won one year, and she was sure it was because he had let her win.

Frisk exhaled and extended her legs and stretched. The massive meal was cleaned out between them and Frisk felt like she was going to explode.

“did ya eat too much again?”

“What? Me? Of course not.” Frisk said and looked over at him from the corner of her eyes and pushed herself up from where she had been leaning on the palms of her hands and stared at him and met with his knowing smirk. “… okay maybe a little.” She admitted with a small laugh.

“i can see right through ya.” He had said, placing a hand on her head and Frisk tried to brush his hand away when he ruffled her hair.

Both froze and gazes locked. For the first time, Frisk wanted to look away from her best friend. His hand moved down to her cheek, the tips of his bony fingers gently skirting against her skin. Usually, Frisk had a quip for everything; some way to turn a tense or otherwise abnormal situation into a funny one. It was one of the ways that she tried to practice her pun game, but her mind was wiped blank. His fingers continued until he was cupping her face. Frisk watched her friend’s face trying to search for an explanation. Something; anything to put the puzzle pieces together of what the hell was going on. A thumb rested on her bottom lip utterly freezing Frisk in her place. The bony thumb brushed along her lip and pulled away, turning to reveal a red mark starkly contrasting against the ivory of his bones.

“you’re still messy even after all these years.” Frisk parted her lips to speak but stopped when Sans put his thumb to his mouth and Frisk could see the blue tongue dart between his bony lips to swipe away the ketchup that had been just a few moments ago resting on her lip. Wanting desperately to hide the blush on her cheeks, Frisk smacked her friend on the shoulder and rolled her eyes.

“Geez… weirdo.” Frisk chuckled and looked away, touching her lip. When she looked back at him, she felt the chilled texture of his bony fingers in her hair, brushing some out of her face. It was something he had done for years. As a child, she hadn’t brushed her hair a lot since she was always outside playing in the leaves and climbing trees. So, whenever Sans was with her, Frisk found he was always brushing some hair away from her face, so she could see where she was going. This though… this was different. Frisk couldn’t describe how, but… it just was. The way he was watching her, the smirk on his face, Frisk was unsure what to do.

“frisk.”

Frisk.

“Frisk?”

The girl blinked and looked around. She looked and saw that Jason was watching her with a concerned look on his face. Her brows furrowed, and she looked down at the space between them. What the hell was with that?

Get it together.

“Sorry… I just kinda spaced.” Frisk said, honestly unsure if she was telling the truth or not. It had felt so real, almost like she had traveled back in time to that moment. She hated herself for letting that memory surface from a touch from her boyfriend. The touch wasn’t even that similar. She smiled at Jason’s worried face. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” She assured.

“I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I was really worried when I found you outside a little way away from the jail.”

“Oh…” Frisk furrowed her brows, remembering how she had gotten her friends out of jail and how sick she had felt on the way out. How it had felt like her insides were liquifying and expelling themselves from her mouth. Honestly when Frisk’s eyes had closed, she thought that she was going to die there. “Thanks for helping me, Jason.”

“I was worried about you, you know.” Jason said flinching when his fingers were in her hair, brushing some away from her face. “You’ve been out for almost five days.”

“W-Wait, what?” Frisk’s face paled.

“I called a doctor here… but… they were scared to move you since you were so pale. On top of that, she checked your vitals and they were stable… so she suggested you just sleep it off. I didn’t tell her that I found you collapsed in your own puke….” Jason murmured. “I knew if you woke up in a hospital you’d probably stab me. Maybe I should’ve though, at least I wouldn’t have been hit with a bat.”

“Oh!” Frisk began and gestured around her. “That reminds me… I haven’t seen this room before. What is this room?”

“… This was Alondra’s room.”

“Your sister…?” Frisk asked. When they first started dating, Frisk had found a picture that had fallen out of Jason’s wallet when he was paying for a game at the fair. It was him and a younger girl. They looked to be about four years apart and Jason had a bright smile on his face. The girl, oddly enough, had kind of reminded Frisk of the way she looked at that young age; blue eyes, bright smile, brown hair and an obvious zest for life. When it had come to his attention that the picture had fallen out of his wallet, he was almost obsessively frantic in trying to find it. He had snatched the photo from her with such ferocity, that she thought he had ripped it in half.

“Yeah…” After he had cooled down, Jason had informed her that Alondra was his pride and joy, his younger sister who he loved more than anyone else in the whole entire world. They did everything together. He helped her with homework, read her to sleep, made her food, would take her to the park and the library. She loved to read he had told her. When they were heading back home from the library when his pride and joy had been killed. It had been about nine months since the monsters had been rescued from the Underground. In those days, crime had been unchecked and difficult to maintain as there was no way to document the monsters who were involved; mostly as innocent bystanders. One of the monsters had been shot by a human. Alondra had run to go and try to help. From what Jason had said, she was always trying to help everyone. Unfortunately, as Alondra ran to help, the shooter pierced her leg with a bullet. When the young girl collapsed to the ground in the middle of the road, the car didn’t have time to stop and hit her full force. Alondra and the shot monster had been rushed to the hospital, but by the time Alondra had arrived she had died from her wounds. The monster had been able to be patched up and was released about a month later.

It dawned on Frisk that she may made a terrible mistake. She was in Alondra’s room. She had grabbed things and thrown them at Jason and they had both broke. She hesitantly looked over at Jason to gauge his reaction. Anything that had to do with Alondra, he became obsessive over. Thankfully, he didn’t seem distraught about it. “They’re my cousins. After…” Jason trailed off for a few moments, “my cousin stayed in here and left some of her things…”

“I see… I’m still sorry I broke them. Hey, I’ll help cl—” Frisk heard a tune coming from somewhere in the room. She blinked and looked around, it was her phone. She patted her pockets and her butt pockets. On the nightstand by the bed, she saw the phone hooked up to a plug in the wall; the only modern thing in the museum of a room. She went and grabbed it, apologizing to Jason. A bright smile erupted on her face when she read the name on the screen. She quickly answered it and pressed the phone to her ear, desperate to hear the voice.

“Hey!” Frisk exclaimed, her face lighting up the most it has in what felt like forever.

“Frisk, My Child. How—"

“Howdy, Pumpkin!” Frisk smiled hearing her father interject.

“Mom… Dad…” Frisk said. Hearing their voices was the exact thing she needed to keep her grounded to earth. Everything had been so difficult lately and so confusing that their voices were a breath of normalcy. She wondered if they knew anything about what had happened here but didn’t want to ruin this happiness if they didn’t. “How’s everything going? How is the cruise?”

“It was beautiful.” Toriel said and exhaled. “It was exactly what we needed.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Frisk said. She loved it when her parents were happy. It had taken them a long time to get along again, and even longer to fall back in love again. Hearing the happiness in their voices set her soul at ease and made her even more determined to solve everything. “So when will you guys be back?” Frisk was almost 21 years old, but she still missed her parents, especially with everything that happened. She really could go for a great big hug, a piece of pie, and a cup of tea.

“We’re actually on our way back now, My Child.”

“Really?!” Frisk said almost jumping for joy at the news.

“Yeah! Really!” Her father shouted from behind Toriel.

“How about I make you a pie when we get back home?” Toriel asked. “Would you like that Frisk?”

“Yeah… Yeah I’d love that.”

“Alright My Child. We’re getting back on the road. We’ll be there soon.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon.”

“Your father and I love you very much Frisk.”

Frisk smiled and felt tears fill her eyes. “I love you guys too. Bye.”

When Frisk was sure that the call was disconnected, she hung up her phone and looked at Jason. Without saying anything, he nodded and waved his hand as if telling her that she better get moving so she could catch her parents when they got home. She nodded with a smile and turned around and jogged down the steps and left the house. Frisk stopped fast as soon as she left the house. She had been asleep for five days. What the hell had happened in five days? She desperately wanted to find out, but at the same time, she wanted to make sure she got to see her parents as they were coming home. She glanced down at her clothes. They were not the same clothes that she had been wearing. A little embarrassed that she was stripped down, but also thankful because it would’ve been awkward to see a young woman running around with dried vomit stains on her clothing.

She ran towards the outer part of the city towards the entrance of the thinner part of the forest. The gentle trickling of water became louder and louder the closer that she got to her home. The cottage was like a beacon of hope and peace in these trouble times. Her parents weren’t home yet either. It would give her the opportunity to get things cleaned up a little. It wasn’t like there was a complete mess, but there were a few dishes, a couple jackets strewn here and there. While the cottage wasn’t a pristine museum by any means, Toriel would lecture her like she was 9 again if she left dishes and her clothes out. Frisk reached down to the walking stone closest to the house and grabbed the spare key and unlocked the door.

The house was on the smaller average side, but it was the perfect fit for the three of them. She closed the door behind her and began to gather the articles of clothes that she had lazily thrown around and carry them to the laundry room. Frisk started on the dishes that she had left to do for later. She was terrible at making meals for herself, so it was just about ten dishes all together from the month and some change that they had been gone. She had a habit of either going out to eat or going to Grillby’s. While she tried to keep a positive mindset while cleaning, she couldn’t stop her brain from wandering to what had happened at City Hall, how Sans was in jail, how sad they all had looked, the confrontation she had had with the Judge, and most importantly… the person that corrupted the footage trying to frame the monsters. Frisk shook her head and wiped her hands on the shorts she was wearing. A quick once over satisfied her enough that she picked up after herself nicely. In her room, Frisk stripped off the clothes—most likely Jason’s—and went to her closet to quickly get dressed. She chose a pair of sweatpants and a tank top and quickly dressed. Frisk had just pulled the shirt over her abdomen when she heard a car pulling up outside.

Frisk ran outside of her room and down the stairs, stumbling on the last stair and almost falling. The door opened, and she ran into her mother’s arms and hugged her tightly, burying her face in the fabric of her dress.

“Frisk are you alright My Child?” Toriel asked, rubbing Frisk’s back when she felt the tremors of her daughter starting to cry.

Asgore looked at his daughter and frowned, patting her head which made her look up. “Hey, no crying now. C’mon. Let’s go in the kitchen and I’ll make us all some tea.”

Frisk didn’t want to seem like she couldn’t take care of herself and that she was unable to be left by herself. After all, her parents were adults and they wanted time of their own. Honestly, she didn’t think it would’ve gotten to her so much if it hadn’t been for everything that had happened recently. Once Frisk had gotten the cups from the cupboard, she felt her father smoothing her hair in a loving manner.

“We left you for a longer time than we should’ve.” Asgore said and smiled. “I’m sorry, Frisk.”

“No, Dad… It’s just—”

“Frisk. Do not lie to me.” Asgore said softly making Frisk tear up more. She so badly wanted to tell her father what had happened, how much of a failure she felt like, but she kept her mouth shut. “Sometimes we forget that we’re still needed as you’ve grown up to be such a responsible young woman.”

“…Thanks Dad.”

Together, they got the cups of tea prepared and went back to the living room where she sat on the couch. Frisk handed the cup to her mother and smiled brightly. She took a small sip and looked at her.

“Your birthday is coming up soon, Frisk.”

“Oh, it is?” Frisk blinked. To be honest, it hadn’t been on her priority list lately and she tended to forget it. “I haven’t even noticed.”

“What do you want kiddo?” Asgore asked, taking a deep drink of his tea. Frisk always wondered how he could do that and not be worried about the boiling heat of the tea. If she did that, she’d burn her insides.

“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything. I really haven’t even thought of it.”

“Surely there is something you want, is there not?”

Frisk leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. She racked her brain for something that she could want. She knew that her parents would work the hardest that they could to get her what she wanted. Frisk closed her eyes and smiled.

“I just want us to have a party here.”

“That doesn’t count.” Asgore said. “But of course, we’ll have a party here for you.”

“Really, there isn’t anything that I can think of that I—”

“frisk.”

“want…” Frisk trailed off and cleared her throat and looked up and shrugged her shoulders. Frisk drank a little bit more of her tea and exhaled, relaxing on the couch. This was the peace that she wanted. At this moment, she didn’t have to worry about anything.

“So, Frisk, what happened while we were gone?”

Flashes of gunshots, blood, and dust filled her mind. Frisk smiled at her father and leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. The view of the incident at City Hall played over and over behind her lids. How terrified she had been getting the proof she needed, how terrified she had been for her friends and how relieved she had felt when they had been released. Her eyes shot open, not wanting to see the memory anymore. The others—while less than a week was not nearly enough time to heal—to Frisk who had been sleeping for five days, it felt like it had just happened.

“Not much. I spent some time at the office, I spent some time with my friends, and ate at Grillby’s. You know, the usual.”

“How is Sans doing?” Toriel asked.

“He’s… He’s doing well.” Frisk said.

“Honey, Frisk, are you finished with your tea?”

“Yeah. Here Mom, I’ll help clean up.”

“Would you like to help make the pie as well, I know you have missed it. I’ll make your favorite.”

Frisk and Toriel worked for a couple hours making the butterscotch cinnamon pie from scratch. It was a little pricey to make since they did do it from scratch every time, but it was worth it because the taste was the best thing that Frisk had ever tasted. All of Toriel’s pies were her favorite desserts. Even Toriel’s snail pie she had grown to love. Odd for everyone else, and a lot of her friends didn’t even like the idea of snail pie, but that just meant more for her. Once the pie had cooled and Frisk had done the dishes for her mother, she cut slices of the pie and gave them to her parents and sat between them.

“Let’s watch some TV.” Asgore said.

“Do not talk with your mouth full. You’ll set a bad example for our child.”

“Frisk is an adult, Dear.” Asgore shut up when Toriel looked in his direction and Frisk smiled with her fork in her mouth. She liked the idea that no matter what age she was, her mother would always consider her to be her baby. Before she went to the Underground--…

No. Absolutely not. Never.

Frisk shivered just thinking about it. She shook her head and looked at them.

“How about we watch a movie?”

“Oh! Home movies!” Asgore exclaimed and before Toriel or Frisk could say anything, he retreated upstairs and came back with three boxes of home videos. During Frisk’s childhood, she remembered Asgore always with a camera in his hand, wanting to document everything that she did and everything they had done as a family. To be honest, Frisk could watch one every day for the rest of her life and she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to get to see them all. After what happened with… Chara and Asriel… she could understand why Toriel and Asgore wanted to document everything and truth be told, she wanted to have those memories too—it was something she had never had before. Truly, Frisk was so thankful that she had been able to meet them, and they were in each other’s life… To Frisk, they filled the hole each other had in their hearts, becoming one full, happy and loving unit.

Toriel and Frisk exchanged a smile and shrugged. She went to the kitchen to get everyone another cup of tea while Asgore sifted through the many boxes of videos. By the time Frisk had returned to her spot and folded her legs on the couch, Asgore had finally picked one. He eagerly popped in the video and took a seat on the couch.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the winter flowers were blooming. Days like that… they were one of her favorites. A smaller version of Frisk still rocking her oversized sweater was playing in the snow making snow angels. Frisk smiled, it was a painful and yet fond smile. Everyone was there. Before things had gotten stressful and work had taken up most of Frisk’s life, they were always together at times like this. Papyrus and Undyne were making a snowman.

“NO! HE CANNOT WEAR THIS OUTFIT! IT’S CLASHING!” Papyrus had exclaimed.

“What does it matter?” Undyne had asked, wrapping a scarf around the snowman.

“PFFT! PFFT! WHAT DOES IT MATTER?!” Papyrus had retorted gasping. “CLEARLY YOU KNOW NOTHING OF SNOWMEN. IF YOU BUILD ONE, IT HAS TO BE FASHIONABLE. AND THIS OUTFIT IS TERRIBLE!”

“HE’S RIGHT FISH LADY.” Mettaton had chimed in, flipping his metallic hair. “THIS SNOWMAN CANNOT BE CAUGHT DEAD LIKE THIS.”

Undyne chuckled and threw her hands up in defeat and smiled, leaning against one of the trees that had lost all its leaves by this time.

“Then you dress him.”

“WITH A DISTURBING AMOUNT OF PLEASURE!” Papyrus said.

Frisk had peeked her head out of the snow fort she had been building with Muffet. With each movement she made, the snow crunched beneath her. Her cheeks and nose were red, but it didn’t seem to bother nine-year-old her. She crawled over to where the snowman was and took off her mittens and was about to put them on the snowman when Toriel came rushing in frame with her hat and snowsuit on. She shook her head and bent down.

“Keep your mittens on, Frisk.”

“But Mom, we have to dress a snowman.”

Next to her, Sans had clicked his tongue and took off his mittens and slipped them onto the snowman’s hands. Frisk had turned towards Sans and smiled brightly.

“now put your mittens back on.” Sans said and shoved his hands back in his pockets. Frisk did as she was told and slipped them back on her already freezing hands and proceeded to take off her scarf. “you’re a terrible listener.”

“No, I’m not, my mittens are on. See?” Frisk said, pointedly wiggling her fingers and sticking out her tongue. Asgore chuckled behind the camera and it moved in an up and down shrugging motion.

“She’s got you there.”

“. . .” Sans sighed and watched as Frisk put her scarf around the snowman’s neck and nodded clearly proud with her contribution. “you’re such a pain kid.” Sans unwrapped the scarf from around his neck and bent down and wrapped it around hers, small puffs of air generating between them. Sans stood to his full height and rubbed her hat, ruffling her hair beneath it.

“Hey!” Frisk exclaimed and brushed some hair from her face. “Watch it.”

“then listen.”

Mettaton went over to the snowman.

“I CAN’T CONTRIBUTE MUCH, BUT HE’LL STILL BE FASHIONABLE EITHER WAY!” He took off the necklace he had been wearing and wrapped it around the snowman’s neck.

“My turn.” Undyne said and stuck a spear in the ground by his hand and moved it so it looked like the snowman was holding onto it.

“Ooh~ I wanna help!” Muffet went over to the snowman and undid the bows from her hair and stuck it into the snow on the snowman.

Napstablook silently went to the snowman and wrapped a pair of his headphones around his neck, nestling it into the scarf to make sure it stayed in place. Alphys took off her boots and stuck them in the snow so it looked like the snowman was sitting down with his feet out. Papyrus went and put sunglasses on the snowman.

“PERFECT! NOW HE’S A COOL DUDE!”

“Let’s all get into frame with him.” Asgore said. “Tori hold this for me.” The camera switched to where Asgore was helping Frisk get into the tree near the snowman while the others gathered around the trunk. He took back the camera and motioned for Toriel to go. Toriel shook her head.

“Let us just have them in this frame, Gorey.”

Nine-year-old Frisk smiled holding up two V symbols while Toriel took out a camera and stood next to Asgore and snapped a photo of the scene. Frisk swayed in the tree and fell face first into the snow bank.

“Frisk!” A collective sound sounded from all the monsters. Asgore and Toriel ran to where their daughter was at just as she rose her head up and shook the snow from her hair.

“I’m okay!” She said and smiled, one of her front teeth missing.

“FRISK! WHERE DID YOUR TOOTH GO?” Papyrus exclaimed.

“Huh?” Frisk stuck her tongue where the tooth was and gasped. “I lost a tooth!”

“Oh no! Are you alright Frisk?” Toriel asked, kneeling by her daughter.

“I lost a tooth! Quick! Help me find it!”

“ARE YOU GOING TO STICK IT BACK IN?!” Papyrus asked, all the monsters curious as to what would happen with a human child’s lost tooth.

“No Paps!” Frisk exclaimed sifting through the snow. “If I find it, I’ll give it to the Tooth Fairy and get money!” Every so often Frisk would whistle unintentionally from the gap of her now missing tooth.

“MONEY FOR A TOOTH?”

“Yes! For baby teeth!” Frisk exclaimed. “Help me!”

One after another, the monsters began helping Frisk to find her tooth.

“I found it!” Frisk exclaimed, holding up her tooth in triumph.

Either the camera died or Asgore had turned it off because that’s where the video had ended. Frisk wanted to crawl under a rock and die. She was so embarrassed on how much of a weird child she had been.

“That’s how we learned of the Tooth Fairy.” Asgore stated.

Throughout the night, they watched a couple more home videos. Although they were simpler things, like Frisk’s first time trying Toriel’s snail pie. The first time that Frisk was picked up from middle school. The first time that Frisk got into a fight with another student. They had called her friends freaks and… Frisk punched them. Square in the face.

By the time they were done, it was two am. Toriel and Asgore had went to bed and Frisk had cleaned up. Frisk was scrubbing an already clean plate and she couldn’t help but feel Grillby’s spirit enter her since she was feeling him on a spiritual level. Before her parents had went to bed, Toriel said that she would end up calling Rebekah tomorrow and seeing if she wanted to go shopping. Frisk was wracking her brain, trying to think of something, anything to be able to prolong them knowing. There wouldn’t be any way to prevent them from knowing after a long time of them being, but they had just gotten home and tonight, they had had a good night. Frisk didn’t want that to end so early, but at the same time it felt wrong to keep them in the dark about it. After all, this… was an extreme thing. Frisk exhaled and put the plate in the dish rack to dry. She needed to take a walk. Just go somewhere. On her way out, she had grabbed a hoodie and left, taking her key and locking the door behind her.

The temperature was dropping the longer Frisk was outside. The clouds of air were increasing in size. Yet, her feet wouldn’t bring her back home. They took her to Grillby’s. Surely, she would be able to talk to Grillby about this and he would be able to talk some sense into this whole situation and let her think clearly and logically. Also eager to get inside, she gripped onto the door and pushed with her might and slammed into the door. She furrowed her brows and tried the door; locked. Grillby’s was supposed to be open until four am tonight. Frisk moved and tried to peek inside. If Grillby was in there, he would let her in and he’d listen. However, tonight… there was no Grillby. A piece of paper barely noticeable in the dark of the night caught her eyes. She squinted to try and see but ended up fishing her phone out of her pocket and turning the flashlight on.

New Hours

Sunday: 10 am – 1 pm

Monday: 6 am – 2 pm

Tuesday: Closed

Wednesday: Closed

Thursday: 6 am – 2 pm

Friday: Closed

Saturday: 8 am – 12 pm

Thank you for your continued patronage,

-Grillby

Frisk furrowed her brows. There was no way in hell Grillby would be able to make any profit from these hours. She was well aware of the business finances of her friend; she had handled most of the paperwork to acquire the licenses for his bar. Grillby would be breaking even, if he was lucky. What the hell had happened in the time that she had been asleep? More importantly, what had happened to her friends. Standing there wasn’t going to get her anywhere and the door sure as hell wasn’t going to open. Rubbing her hands together she turned and left with an eerie feeling pricking at her brain.

Frisk looked around nervously and reached up to knock on the door, but hesitated. She bit her lip and took another look around. Surely, she had to be a little bit crazy. She already knew that this wasn’t going to end well, but she didn’t know what else to do. She knocked on the door and shoved her hands in her pockets and bounced on her soles. No one answered. Frisk rocked back and forth and gritted her teeth together before knocking again; harder. Again, no one came at the knock. The feeling of worry was replaced by fear and she reached up and pounded on the door once before the door opened and she almost fell forward. The person looking at her was leaning against the doorframe with their arms folded and legs crossed at the ankles.

“… I need to talk to you.” Frisk said. “I need your help.”

“really? this is rich.” Sans smirked in front of her, but there was no humor in his smile.

“… Please, can I come in?” Frisk asked, taking a step towards the entrance, but a little too fast for comfort, his arm darted out and blocked the doorway and by extension, her entrance to warmth and a place of comfort. “…”

“…”

“Sans… please…”

“look kid, whatever you’re selling, i’m not interested.” Sans backed up and was about to close the door and effectively cutting off the rest of their conversation.

“Please! I need you Sans!” Frisk exclaimed, balling up her mitten covered hands. Frisk dared a look up. Sans hadn’t closed the door, but he hadn’t moved either. “… Please.” Her head fell, and she heard the sound of the door closing, tears gathering in her eyes.”

“talk.” He demanded.

“Sans… I…” Frisk wanted to cry. To hug her once best friend and have him comfort her. She wanted to go sit on the coin filled couch and watch TV together. She wanted nothing more than to just… just take back everything that she had done or said against him. Part of her hated him; she hated that he had this ability to make her feel this guilty. She hated that Sans had cared for her all these years and made her so dependent on him.

“if you’re just gonna whine and cry, i’m going back inside. i’m tired.”

His biting words were colder than the temperature and stabbed her right through her heart. If the situation hadn’t been enough to make her cry, then his words were enough. Her eyes glazed over with tears, but she didn’t want to test his threat.

“… I need you to try and figure out how to keep everything from Mom and Dad for as long as possible.”

“what makes you think i know how to do that?”

“You’ve kept Papyrus innocent all these years. Please… I don’t know what to do.”

Silence fell between them. Sans’ face was unreadable, and it terrified her.

“why should i do this for you?”

“… You shouldn’t.” Frisk admitted. “But… do it for Mom and Dad. Mom wants to go shopping with Rebekah tomorrow…”

“honestly kid, i can’t think of anything.” Sans admitted and folded his arms. “tori and asgore are important figures… even if i figure out some way to keep everything from them, they’d end up finding out.”

“I should’ve known better than to come here.” Frisk said, balling up her fists and looking down at the ground beneath them. “Why don’t you stop being so lazy and actually get up and do something?! Help someone for once!” She screamed loud enough to where her voice echoed. “I’m doing everything! Just… Just forget it. I won’t bother you with these matters anymore, or at all… Unless I absolutely have to.” She said, turning away and starting to walk away.

Frisk had barely taken two steps when her hoodie was tugged so harsh, she almost fell. With a harsh thud, her back slammed against the wall of his home. Her eyes widened, and she had tried to move but hands were slammed on either side of her head, making Frisk flinch. She felt about two inches tall. When Frisk looked up, to say she was terrified would be an understatement. Sans had never put her in this position, he had never looked at her like this before.

“. . . you’re trying?” Sans asked. Frisk didn’t answer. “you’re doing everything?”

“I—”

“tell me… what have you done except make our lives hell?!” Sans yelled at Frisk making her shrink into the wall behind her.

“I got you guys out of the Underground!” Frisk said, trying to take back some of this conversation, but her voice was small; almost as small of a squeak as the mouse in the holes at various points in the Underground.

“how long are you planning on resting on those laurels?” Sans scoffed.

“… What did you just say?”

“you heard me.” Sans said, his voice dipping to a terrifying low octave.

“I’m doing everything I can!”

“i can see that.” Sans said. “do you have any idea what you’ve done? what your kind has done?”

“Sans… what are you talking about?”

“… do me, and every other monster a favor, and leave us alone.”

“Leave you alone?” Frisk asked, their faces a few inches apart from each other. “How can you just say that to me?! You guys are my best friends! You are—you guys are my everything!”

The deep hollow holes that had been Sans’ eyes dissipated and his pupils returned. His eyes roamed over her face. Frisk wasn’t in the clear, just because his eyes weren’t hollow depths of despair didn’t mean he hated her any less. Something however had cleared, almost like something that was possessing him had left.

“your everything?” His voice had fallen to nothing more than a whisper.

“Yes.” Frisk said, looking up at him; her tone matching his. Sometime during their argument, their faces had gotten close enough to where the small puffs of cold air exhaled intermingled between each other. Frisk’s eyes looked over his face and a deafening silence fell between them. She started to feel light headed and she wondered if it had something to do with their proximity or if it was because she might pass out because she was doing nothing but breathing in his carbon dioxide. “My everything…”

[claitynroberts]

A Tale of Two Alphas: Chapter 2

Summary: (A/B/O alternate universe) After running  from her family, (y/n), a female Alpha, turns to a life of hunting. Answering a call from Bobby to assist Garth and two other hunters on a vamp mission in Branson, she meets Sam and Dean Winchester. Determined, independent, and sassy as hell, Dean can’t control himself around her; causing him to become a not-so-smooth wannabe ladies man. When her family comes after her determined to make her take her place in the familial hierarchy, will (y/n) allow Dean to help out? Or will she give into her family’s wishes?

Word Count: 3471

Characters: FemaleAlpha!Reader, Alpha!Dean, Beta!Sam, Beta!Garth, Beta!Bobby

Pairings: FemaleAlpha!Reader X Alpha!Dean, all other pairings platonic

WARNINGS: strong language, canon violence, a woman not taking shit from anyone, smut (inevitable), A/B/O dynamics (heats, ruts, scenting, claiming, etc.)

(In my A/B/O au all genders are the same as the typical A/B/O rules/dynamics, except female alpha’s, in which mine are not hermaphroditic nor do they experience ruts. Instead they have typical lady parts and also experience heat cycles.)

Read Chapter 1 HERE | Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Badass Barbie & Zoolander

After a few hours of arguing and bickering and reviewing all the collective case information, the four hunters finally came to an agreement. The vamp nest was located in a derelict house on the outskirts of the city. With the numerous amount of vics that had gone missing over the last few weeks, discovering a pattern was difficult. Without a specific victim demographic to go by, because both young and old, male and female, had gone missing, discovering where to begin the stakeout was damn near impossible.

Currently, the four hunters were gathered in a circle behind their vehicles. Each hunter was gearing up, pocketing extra stakes and syringes of dead man’s blood while strapping on machetes. (Y/n) removed her leather jacket and rummaged around in her duffel looking for something, completely unaware Dean was watching her as she did. After a moment she pulled out a black vest and slipped it on over her Bon Jovi t-shirt. With a flick of her wrist she zipped its short zipper and began sliding her own stakes and syringes into the loops and pockets covering the front. By the time she was done, six stakes wrapped around her rib cage, three on each side of the middle zipper of the vest. Above them six syringes of dead man’s blood rested in a similar fashion, causing Dean’s eyebrows to quirk up.

He’d been trying to get a read on her standing since he met her this afternoon, but something was blocking her scent. Dean thought she was probably an Omega, but something about the way she carried herself and travelled alone made him dismiss the thought quickly. If Alpha females weren’t so rare, that’s what he’d peg her as; no, she was more likely a Beta.

Still going about the process of gearing up, (y/n) pulled a total of four machetes out of one of the motorcycle’s saddlebags. With the help of a couple sheaths, she strapped two to her legs, one on the outside of each thigh; two more rested across her back, with the handle of each in easy reach behind her head. Cracking her knuckles she slipped on a pair of black fingerless gloves, slipped her leather jacket into the duffel, and picked up the forty-five caliber pistol, tucking it into the waistband of her jeans at the small of her back. Better to have it and not need it, she thought.

As she turned around she noticed Dean was staring at her, an unreadable look on his face. The other two men finished gearing up and turned toward the group. Clearing his throat Dean spoke up, attempting to redeem himself from earlier in the afternoon. “Okay, we pair off. Two go around back and two come in the front. Guns blazing from two directions...figuratively, of course. Hopefully we’ll catch ‘em unaware and get this over with. Wham, bam, thank ya ma’am.”

Squinting her eyes and pursing her lips (y/n) looked him over. “Sounds doable,” she said. “How we gonna team up?”

“Me and Garth will go in the front. You and Dean, go in the back,” Sam offered.

She glanced up at Dean, a strange feeling beginning to bloom in her chest. He looked incredulous, as if Sam had asked him for a kidney...or maybe a testicle. (Y/n) scowled and pushed that strange feeling far from her mind.

“Wh-what if I wanted Garth?” Dean stammered.

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Sam asked, confused at his brother’s reaction.

“I don’t want to be stuck with Zoolander over here,” (y/n) Said derisively, crossing her arms and popping a hip. Fuck it, if he didn’t want to team up with her, she didn’t want to be paired up with him either.

“Oh, so you think I’m really, really ridiculously good looking?” Dean quipped with a smirk. He was playing it cool, but her hostility was beginning to grate at his nerves. Though his body and his brain obviously weren’t on the same page, he noted, as his jeans became a little tighter and a foreign feeling stirred in his belly.

Rolling her eyes, (y/n) retorted. “No. I’m calling you dumb, Shit-for-brains.” She crossed her arms and rounded on him, bowing up on the man a foot taller than her.

Dean looked aghast, and (y/n) had to smother a self-satisfied smirk. “Would you idjits quit bickering.” Garth broke in. “Look we have a job to do, y’all can fight later. Y’know after we gank these beasties.” He broke away from the group to find a twig, which he broke into three pieces differing in length. “We’ll draw straws, or I guess in this case twigs, for partners. Shortest straw will go with me in the front of the house, the other two...you’re on your own with the back.” He shrugged.

Sam, Dean, and (y/n) each grabbed a piece of the broken stick, revealing them a few seconds later. As eyes scanned the piece of wood each hunter held, it turned out Sam had drawn the short stick. He grinned, waving it around. “Oh c’mon!” Dean exclaimed. “I’m stuck w-with…Badass Barbie over here?” He stammered.

“Them’s the breaks, Deano,” replied Garth as he and Sam turned to leave. “Oh,” he said, turning back around. “I uh—I wouldn’t piss her off too bad,” he finished with a wry smile at (y/n) and Dean.

“Be ready to storm the nest in five minutes,” Sam said as they walked away.

Snorting and rolling her eyes (y/n) turned on her heel and began tromping toward the woods. “Wh-what are you doing?” Dean hollered after her.

“Heading toward the back of the house, Winchester.” She rolled her eyes as she walked on.

“But wouldn’t it be easier to—“

“Do not finish that sentence. We skirt the edge of the forest around to the back of the house. The foliage gives us extra cover from the vamps’ eyes.” She said as she marched forward pushing low-hanging limbs out of her path. She stopped just before another much larger and bushier limb, a wicked glint in her eye. Spinning around she looked at Dean, storm clouds in her eyes and a steely exterior. He looked taken aback, though whether it was by her previous words or the sudden about-face, she wasn’t sure.

“Listen here, Winchester,” She began. “This is a pretty cut and dry case. If you can��t be more intelligent than this you’re going to need to go sit in that precious Impala of your’s. I’ll be damned if you pull a wrong move and get me killed tonight,” she seethed. Too many emotions for him to name swirling in her eyes as they stared at each other.

Dean’s mouth gaped like a fish out of water. Leveling a finger at him she continued, punctuating each sentence with a sharp jab to his pec muscle. “When we’re finished here, I’m going to eat some dinner, get shit-faced drunk, and pass out in a plush bed at the ritziest hotel in this hellhole of a tourist destination. Capice?” She cocked her head to the side and studied him for a moment, waiting for a reply. With a chuckle she lightly smacked his cheek and turned around, pushing through the limb and letting it fly back in Dean’s flabbergasted face. When the foliage made contact, she giggled to herself.

Dean was left pulling leaves from his mouth and rubbing a hand over his very sore pectoral. A snarl ripped out of his chest as he followed her through the woods. Damn, the more time he spent with her the more he wanted to put a fist through (y/n)’s teeth, and the more a certain body part wanted to insert itself in a completely different hole. God, he had to get himself under control.

A couple minutes later (y/n) and Dean were crouched in the flora on the edge of the woods about thirty yards from the back of the house. “T-minus thirty seconds,” (y/n) said as she glanced at her watch.

“Listen, we need to talk,” Dean replied.

“Unless we can have the conversation in, oh, about twenty seconds, ain’t happening, Winchester.”

“I just wanna make sure—“

“As long as we are all making smart decisions we will all walk out of here alive. Simple as that.”

He looked at her incredulously. Sammy’s safety was always foremost in his mind, and how she picked up on that he didn’t know.

“It’s go time,” she said as she watched the hands tick down the last few seconds. Rising from her position she walked toward the house, a woman on a mission. Dean trotting along behind her trying to catch up.

As they approached the back door, Dean moved forward giving it a solid kick right above the lock. Breaking it inward and allowing them entry. (Y/n) unsheathed the two machetes at her back and slipped in first; blades raised and at the ready, taking in the scene around her. The kitchen was clear, as was the dining room to the side. A crash came from the front of the house as Sam and Garth forced their way in as well. A moment later a larger commotion broke out. Exchanging looks, Dean and (y/n) rushed through the house and into the living room where the other two hunters were squaring off with eight vamps.

The dingy floors and peeling wallpaper lent itself to the sinister atmosphere of the dilapidated house. “You take Asshat and Buttface,” (y/n) motioned to two vamps on the left. One was a college frat type and the other was just...ugly. “I’ll take Swazye and Pimple-face,” She motioned to the two on the right. Making eye contact with Dean, the two nodded at each other and jumped into action.

With a guttural snarl, (y/n) leaped forward swinging the machetes in an arc toward Swayze. Before he knew what was coming, his head was rolling on the floor and his body slumped into a heap. Flinging the hair out of her eyes she smiled down at the corpse. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” she grinned to herself at the joke. A second later Pimple-face came flying at her, fangs bared, knocking her to the ground. Her blades flying away. The vamp was on top of her in a flash, a hand at her throat squeezing hard.

“That was my boyfriend, bitch,” Pimple-face growled at her, threading her free hand in (y/n)’s hair and yanking her head back, forcing her to look at her. “I’m going to take pleasure in gutting and feeding on you.” She snarled with a face splitting grin. (Y/n)’s hand slipped between the two of them, reaching for her vest of munitions. Grabbing a stake from its spot on the vest, she shoved it cleanly up between the vamp’s ribs and into its heart, effectively incapacitating it. Kicking it off her, she stood to her feet and drew another blade.

“Guess I beat you to it,” she panted. Looking around (y/n) noticed there were a total of four vamps dead, her two, one of Dean’s, and one of Sam’s.

Sheathing her blade and picking up the two that were knocked away during her fight, she ran over to help Garth. He had already depressed a syringe of dead man’s blood into the vamp’s neck, and (y/n) took that as an opening to swing her machete through the air, slicing through flesh and gristle, separating its head from it’s body. “Garth, you alright?” She asked, panting as the body hit the floor with a dull thud.

“Yeah, I’m good. Nice slice,” he replied near breathlessly.

Together they spun on the remaining three vamps. Dean and Sam were each grappling with one, the third looked between Garth and (y/n). Realizing she was outnumbered she bolted out the door. “I’ll go after her, you stay and help the boys,” Garth called as he took off into the night, quicker than she thought he was capable of.

As she turned from the door, Sam was thrown across the room into a half-rotted wall, causing it to crumble down around him as he lost consciousness. As she swung the machete at the vamp, aim perfect for decapitation, it threw up a hand to parry the attack. The metal of the blade made a clanging noise as it landed on the time-worn hardwood floor across the room. She slid another stake from the vest spinning it lengthwise in her hand as she circled the vamp.

“You hunters and your need to save everyone,” he laughed darkly. “You’ve no idea what you all walked into.” Grinning he started moving in tandem with (y/n), both waiting for the other to make a move. “I’ll make it easy on you,” he said. “I’ll kill you first, then I’ll take out your boyfriend and gigantor over there. When the little squirrelly one comes back from chasing down Beatrice, I’ll end him too. All your deaths will be painless, of course.” A Cheshire Cat grin splitting his face.

(Y/n) chuckled. “I don’t think you know how this truly ends.” Slicing with the machete she drew the vamp’s block, leaving an opening to thrust up with the stake, catching him off guard. Kicking his knees out from under him she leaned down, covered in the blood of his fellow comrades, and snarled in his ear. “You’ll never win.” Grabbing him by the hair, she forced his face up to look at her. “You’re kind will never win.” She snarled, giving his head and extra jerk backwards. “That you can count on.” Gritting her teeth and raising her blade she made a clean cut through his neck. His body fell limp and his head dangled from her hand, her fingers still buried in his hair. Her chest rising and falling with the nights exertion.

Dean couldn’t help but watch her take out the vamp that threw Sam across the room. As infuriating as she was, he couldn’t help but be impressed by her. She was tough, fierce, and didn’t take shit from anyone, including him. Too focused on trying to discern what the feeling in his stomach and chest was, he didn’t catch the vamp coming at him until he was on the ground, pinned beneath the creature. As he struggled, the vamp brought it’s fangs dangerously close to his neck to rip out his throat. “Killing Dean Winchester. This is the greatest night of my life,” she hissed out with a chuckle. “Well,” she cocked her head to the side studying him for a moment, “at least top five.” A breathy laugh erupted from her chest as she moved back towards his carotid artery.

Attention drawn by the commotion on the other side of the room, (y/n)’s eyes fell on Dean pinned beneath the bloodsucker. A growl ripped from low in her throat as she delivered a swift hard kick to the vamp’s ribs, knocking her off Dean and down to the floor beside him. With a terrifying roar she dropped a knee to the vamp’s chest, raising the machete high above her head and swinging it down with all the force she could muster. The white-hot rage coursing through her imbedded the blade into the floor as the vamp kneed her in the ribs, knocking (y/n) off balance and into the corner.

Rolling to her knees, the vamp looked between Dean, sprawled on the floor cradling his left hand, and (y/n) desperately trying to wrench the machete from its place in the floor. A sneer appeared on the bloodsucker’s face as she spoke to (y/n). “I’ll kill you first, sweetie, so your mate can watch,” she turned toward Dean next, “then I’ll come for you.”

Forgetting the blade in the floor, (y/n) stood, reaching for one of the other weapons strapped to her body. Lightning fast, the vamp was on her; a hand around her throat pinned (y/n) to the wall as she slid her body up off the ground. (Y/n) scrambled, attempting to get purchase on something in order to take the crushing force off her windpipe. Desperately she clawed at the vamp’s hand, wheezing out words as she tried to come up with a game plan. “Go ahead. Kill me.” She choked out. “He won’t care,” her eyes darted to where Dean was struggling to get up. “I don’t know the guy.” Labored breath. “And he’s certainly not my mate.” She ground out.

“You humans are so blind,” she giggled. “I can smell the connection between you two.” The vamp lunged for (y/n)’s neck as a glint of silver metal flashed through the air. Her grip loosened immediately, and (y/n) slid down the wall quickly, her knees smacking the floor as her legs buckled under her weight.

Dean had risen unsteadily to his feet, pulling (y/n)’s machete from the floorboards. Seeing her at the mercy of the bloodsucker fueled a fire he didn’t know was burning deep within him. Once the creature had been executed, he slid down the wall beside her to gather himself. What was that, he thought. The only other people he was this protective over were Sam and Cas, and he borderline hated this girl...didn’t he? She was rude and crass and annoyingly bossy, why would he ever care about her that deeply? Sighing, he thunked his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths of musty air to center himself.

(Y/n) knelt there for a moment, breasts heaving and covered in vamp blood, while her emotions began to wind down. As she tried to sort through where the rage came from when she saw Dean pinned to the ground, life hanging in the balance, she looked over to see him sitting against the wall beside her, eyes closed. Could the vamp be right, she thought as she took in his profile. As far as mates go it could be much worse, at least he’s somewhat attractive. He was awfully banged up. A few scratches and some lacerations around his neck and face, an injured wrist, it appeared, but altogether whole and very handsome.

Cracking an eye he caught her staring at him in his peripheral vision as a grin split his face. “Like what you see, sweetheart?” He didn’t miss the softness that had come over her features as she perused his injuries.

Rolling her eyes, she climbed to her feet and allowed her stoic mask to slam back into place. “C’mon, Winchester. Let’s grab Sam, case the rest of the place, and go find Garth,” she said as she reached out a hand to help him to his feet.

“Y-yeah,” he cleared his throat, handing her blade back. “Yeah, I’ll get Sammy up, you check out the rest of the house. The three of us will clear the basement before we try to find Garth and the other bloodsucker.” His demeanor was back to normal, cocky and in-charge, even though he had one hand.

Snorting, (y/n) nodded her head and quietly cased the rest of the building. A few moments later, she came back into the living room, noting that Sam was up off the ground. Wobbly but at least he was awake. “The ground floor is clear, Winchester,” she said addressing the eldest.

“Right, good.” He replied. Together the three of them moved toward the basement door, Sam opening it as Dean led them down the steps, followed by (y/n). The stench of death hit them before they were able to make it to the last step. Fanning out, the hunters walked around the dim, dank basement checking for signs of life.

“All gone,” (y/n) called from her side of the room, a tinge of sadness in her voice.

“Same,” Sam said as he met her at the foot of the stairs.

“Yeah, so were mine,” Dean replied.

Pushing her emotions aside, (y/n) spoke up. “There’s too many to bury,” she said as she looked around the basement turned tomb. “We’ve gotta salt and burn them.” She looked between the brothers.

Breathing in deeply, Sam looked at Dean. “She’s right.” Dean merely nodded at him.

A few moments later the three were back in the basement, spreading salt around the room and across the bodies as they soaked everything in lighter fluid. They climbed up onto the staircase and took a last look at the carnage as Dean tossed the lighter into the pile of corpses. Once the fluid caught, the three hunters hurried out of the house, knowing it wouldn’t take long for the dried out wood to catch fire as well.

Tags: @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @speakinvain @katsanders @shamelesslydean

[kaitkerrigan]

HOW TO RETURN HOME - The Millennial Problem

I really pushed myself into a corner this weekend when I promised a teacher that I’d write about “How to Return Home”. Most of you don’t know the history of this song, which is a pandora’s box. 

I’ve long been planning to write a post about THE FRESHMAN EXPERIMENT. At the time of conception, this is how we defined it: 

living musical ['liv[ng] 'myü-zi-k&l]

a musical based on the lives of living people

a musical existing in real time

a musical created on the internet by the award-winning writing team Kerrigan and Lowdermilk based on the lives of two young bloggers as they share the story of their freshman years of college 

I’ll leave it at that for now and come back to this in depth in another post. 

ChristineCoke, the handle of one of the freshman writers, was an incredible voice. She wrote these earnest and beautiful posts that flowed into some of my favorite songs that we’ve ever written:  Last Week’s Alcohol My Heart Is Split (and you guessed it) How to Return Home. 

It’s funny how memory works. I had created a fiction about exactly what we got from ChristineCoke when she first wrote about going back to her home for Thanksgiving break, but I just went back to our website archive and found this (and everything else you’re about to dig into): 

I pulled my luggage into a house that is exactly how I’d left it - dirty and empty with a silence that gently hummed in my ears. There was no one to greet me so I ran up the stairs calling out the names of my siblings and mothers. More silence and peeling wallpaper.

And this is how I wanted to return home. My barefeet sliding along the wood floors as my cat criss crosses her way through my legs. To sit on my bed and wrap myself up in the thin blanket that could barely warm me during the winter months. Slowly, I came back into a place that I hadn’t truly thought about until I was five minutes away.

Eventually my brothers and sisters came filtering in and our home had a pulse again. Then Mamajay came and I ran to her before she had time to open the door.

I had a three minute fight with my brother today. It feels great to be here.

A couple weeks after this first post, Brian posted this - with audio that I can’t find: 

hey it’s brian. so i wrote this thing while i was home for thanksgiving and didn’t have a chance to post it until now. i played it for kait at some point and she was pretty underwhemed - possibly for good reason. the lyrics aren’t great, and they depart a lot from what CC was talking about. but this is emotionally what spoke to me, and i think the music might be interesting. (sidebar: lots of time kait and i start out with a song that i write music and lyrics to and then she swoops in and redoes the lyric) So these may be dummy lyric, and i may also just start from scratch musically on something else. Particularly because while I was home for t-giving my sister and i listened to a lot of dashboard confessional. so in addition to a) being a song fragment and b) not very good, this is also potentially c) a little too much like a dashboard song. wow. yea. but i definitely think there’s something to be done w/ the phrase “How To Return Home.” And this is certainly something…

“I’m pulling my luggage into a house that is dirty and empty A house that is just how I’d left it Dirty and empty and silent. A silence that’s gently humming in my ears. And I’m waiting for you to come rush down the stairs. I’m calling, I’m waiting, I’m watching the driveway. Hoping that something is still the same. I’m calling, I’m calling your name.

I guess I’m learning How long I’ve been gone I guess I’d forgotten I miss these walls Now I’m relearning everything All about silence And how to return home”

Brian says I was underwhelmed but it was a long time ago, so I don’t actually remember. Isn’t it weird to imagine the songs that never were? I bet that my response was more to the music than to the lyric. As he said, I often would change the lyrics anyway. I do remember both of us really struggling over how to use the hook. How do you put “how to return home” into a sentence. It sounds like a recipe title, not a song hook. I remember really arguing over how it could function in the song. 

Anyway, the next significant step was Brian again and this wasn’t until February (so I bet we had some off-line conversations): 

Okay, so here’s a new version of How To Return Home I’m trying, music first. There’s a PDF and a terrible scratch vocal of me singing. Not sure how much this will mean to anyone, but hopefully Kait will write some lyrics - and then the whole thing will mean a bit more!Happy February everybody…

He posted music that is EXACTLY the music that makes up the verse and chorus of the song now. That is magic to me. It’s one thing to piece together the perfect words, but to somehow knit together the language of a melody into something iconic and memorable - and in one go? How do you do that??? 

Then the writing started to pick up speed. A week later also in February I posted this: 

Here are the lyrics to at least the first draft of the beginning of “How to Return Home”:

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home at last and silent but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum, somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a gulf to damn wide to climb.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. It’s the only way you’ll get through this holiday. Count the hours. Pick some flowers. Make a nice bouquet.

Clearly, the dumby lyrics come at the end, but I’m still not sure about the entire chorus. I’m kind of thinking that it probably changes based on whatever happens at the end of the chorus. Plus, it has to work throughout the song, right Bri? This probably doesn’t change each time since it’s such a pop chorus. Perhaps 2 lines change - the “it’s the only way to get through…” which I would assume will change too. And I’m pretty sold that we want something more like “get through this day” with the three notes on day.

Anyway, this is where the song is at currently. Updates to arrive throughout the weekend. I think I’ll have the whole thing done by Sunday or Monday at the latest.

You guys, this is where you get to see our baby pictures - or my baby pictures. I vlogged this lyric in 2008, so quite literally ten years ago. Kudos for me for not giving a good goddamn about my hair or anything. This was before the days of vloggers really. We were early adopters to be sure and so I had little awareness of the idea that looking presentable might be, er, helpful to our cause. 

Oh my god, did you watch it? Those pre-mac days were rough, let me tell you.  We definitely hadn’t figured out how to use the hook yet. A week or two off-line, where we inevitably went back and forth on that hook (and the occasional pop-misaccent of “how to REturn home” which gave me agitas). But here comes another draft on March 1st in a post called “HOW TO REVISE”: 

I feel pretty good about this one. I’m not going to sing it for you today - unless I miraculously learn how to play the guitar (doubtful). My changed lines are in italics.

Before you read on, I feel like I need to say something about perfect rhymes. I’ve been thinking about them a lot because this song both begs for them and also eschews them if they aren’t precisely what you mean. So I’ve definitely struck a bit of a deal with them - borrowing from pop, country, folk, and musical theater to figure out what to do where. But as I thought about these things and did my research, I’ve come to the conclusion that perfect rhymes are having a resurgence. Surprising, I know. Nothing ever seemed more lame or unlikely until lyrics became virtually unmemorizable and rap reclaimed rhyme’s significance. In addition to the rappers (too many to mention but Eminem and Blackalicious still being among some of my favorites for clever - without sacrificing meaning for the sake of - rhyme), the popularity of Fiona Apple, Regina Spektor, and new to my itunes line up Vampire Weekend (thanks Rachel Lowdermilk!) all mark a significant upswing in real rhyming’s trendiness. Of course, none of these writers act like hall monitors on the subject. We musical theater writers still have that all to ourselves - remarkably we act like narcs about it whether pro or con.

Now, back to the previously scheduled reveal of new lyrics! I think this is really fun to sing Brian’s melody. We will, of course, test drive sometime this week.

How to Return Home

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home just as you left it but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a sprawling divide… too wide.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs.  It’s the only way you’ll get through today. Count the hours. Take a shower. Wash yourself away.

The house is pulsing with an alien heartbeat, Was it always here but you never listened? It’s calling you to be the girl that you were way back then… again.

Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. Put away your clothes, take it nice and slow.

Be their daughter. Nothing’s harder when nobody knows

How to return home, and how to survive, There’s no written guidelines. How to go back, How to show up and unpack. How to show up.

How to grow up. How to take a breath. Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. You still share a name

But you’re not the same. You don’t fight now. You don’t hide now. It’s a whole new way of how to return home.* How to return home. How to return home.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, home just as you left it but still you’re shaken.

*I originally had “It’s a whole new game. How to return home.” Which I’m pretty sure I don’t like but sometimes I get something right and then go straight past it. This adds a pick up before the “how” but I think the meaning is much better and it’s a little less played out / more unexpected and leads to a better conclusion for the song.  The only other thing that I tried and rejected is replacing “Take a shower. Wash yourself away.” with “Only hours. Teach yourself to pray.”

Thoughts?

It’s nice and rare when you get a resounding yes to the thing you made. How sweet to have that back and forth captured in the comments: 

BRIAN: wow that’s gorgeous. i’ll write more, and probably sing it back to everyone either later tonight or tomorrow morning. amazing work, kait. KAIT: Maybe tomorrow after the cap thing? I’ll bring my camera. Maybe they’ll let us steal a piano for a bit? BRIAN: since we had plans for natalie weiss to make a recording for us anyway, want to ask her to do this? later this week? and yes, let’s record tomorrow. this thing f-ing rocks. KAIT: Maybe. Let’s mull it over as we sing through it today.

Oh, Brian and Kait, you so-n-sos. Always so on brand. Kait ever cautiously low-key, Brian so deeply enthusiastic and raring to go. 

Do you care about any of this? All of this is about how a song got written, not about how it landed itself as a center piece of THE BAD YEARS. What is THE BAD YEARS? A song cycle? An immersive house party? Both? What does that have to do with the alien heartbeat of this house and ChristineCoke? 

Everything. “How To Return Home” found its way into a song cycle we made called TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS, which was the brainchild of a conversation that we had with a licensing company that wanted us to make something commercial that could go directly to licensing. Would that not have been lovely? It didn’t pan out. But the idea that we hit - to write a show about the people around us - the generation of millennials who would never fulfill their parents’ American Dream, did pan out and evolve. 

“How To Return Home” was always one of the songs that felt like a linchpin to these songs and as we built it out, it became something that parents of millennials would hear and grab us by the arm and say “Thank you for telling me what my daughter is going through. She just moved back in after college.” We realized that in writing something a bit broader than just about coming home for Thanksgiving break, we were writing about the larger lack of employment after college, the depression of a generation who didn’t have the opportunities that they assumed they’d have. We leaned into this. 

When we had the opportunity to take TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS and turn it into an immersive house party, this song was both beguiling and bewildering. It does not take place at a house party. But the sensation of being at your family’s home in the center of a party can be beautifully transfixing. The song became a centerpiece for Rachel’s arc. 

Rachel was an optimistic and ambitious millennial who’s surprised to discover that the world wasn’t waiting for her. She is one of the youngest at the party and she is just beginning to realize that she’s going to have to claw her way into the world rather than have it handed to her. In more recent drafts, the house has actually become more and more of a character. The history of the house is also oppressive. This is a place where some bad things happened and it’s going to be destroyed. But right now, Rachel is facing her own nostalgia smashed up against the glass of her reality. 

Ultimately, “How to Return Home” is about the simple sensation of walking into a house after having grown up there and feeling like the whole place is smaller, different. The fun house affect of your reality having outgrown your childhood cocoon. I moved around a lot. I haven’t been back to a single place that I grew up except my grandmother’s house. Every time I walk in, I’m struck by how low the ceilings are, how small the kitchen is, how narrow that backyard that contained my fantasies is. Once upon a time, my whole world could fit inside that kitchen. I remember a graduation party (something that I also can barely believe ever happened  - my grandmother entertaining) and sliding past adults through the back door to get to the refrigerator. But even as I say that, my memory is wavering. She remodeled her kitchen a few years ago and moved the back stairs and I have to consciously conjure that old set up. My memory has transformed to adjust to her new layout. I remember a couch that was long and s shaped in her music room. The room is so small. Where exactly did it go? Memory is so slippery but the visceral feelings you have when you return to a site of your childhood - especially the dark looming ones - is not. It’s immediate and pulsing and both familiar and alien at once. 

The question of how to return home is really a question of how to hold onto your slippery sense of self when you’re just discovering who you are and I think the answer (or at least the answer that we landed on in this song) is mindfulness - mindfully telling yourself to breath, to hold in the things you know to be true about yourself in spite of all of the old neural pathways that are lighting up with triggers.