#crowley never getting the clue

[ineffablekink]

I have ideas about what the angelic harlot was about to suggest he could do in return. Right there in the car.

”That was a very nice thing you did for me. There must be something I can do for you in return.”

why are they playing this like a porno

[wraithee]

In the first episode Aziraphale and Crowley really thought it was going to be the end of the world. So they go to the ritz and went back to Aziraphale’s and got drunk and started waxing philosophical and making kissy faces and I’m telling you if they hadn’t decided to save the world instead they would have had sex that very night.

[mutalune]

I think one of the objectively funniest (in a tragedy-irony-way) things about Crowley is that to us the audience we are so very aware that he is so in love it makes him the stupidest idiot on the planet but like if you see his behavior from Aziraphale’s perspective????

Crowley, doing his damnedest to protect Aziraphale without letting Aziraphale know + following behind him all the time (looking at you, Prepping for The Bookshop Ball arc!!!!) literally just means that Aziraphale is off in his own little world doing his own little tasks like playing matchmaker and detective and newspaperman, with literally 0 idea that Crowley is gagging for it every day of the week

(hence: “you’re being silly!” Instead of him being like “oh dang crowley’s actually bothered” like when Crowley “plays it cool” and us as the audience is like “oh he’s faking!” Aziraphale is not the audience and it kinda works on him!!! He‘s busy with his detective work he doesn’t have time to notice that Crowley is being weird when Crowley’s always vague and kinda weird by default to him!!!)

like that’s comedy babes I’m sorry it’s so funny to me

RIP Crowley unfortunately you must learn to tolerate the mortifying ordeal of being known even if that means aziraphale stops thinking you’re cool and mysterious

[pixelephant]

i love watching good omens as someone who knows jack shit about the bible because job shows up and im like okay cool i think one of the chapters? books? whatever those are called is named after him, look at him go and then im reminded that the bible is actually full of horror stories when they talk about killing his kids and he is just expected to endure and not have any resentment towards god about it. also the metatron shows up and i keep going “what the fuck is that guy called? the mettaton?”

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Up until the almost-end-of-the-world, the way Aziraphale and Crowley maintained their relationship was through a collection of well-established and repeated patterns (dances, you might say). These little rituals were what they used to communicate affection, intimacy and trust when they couldn’t say the things they wanted to say out loud. I like spending time with you. You make me happy, and I like making you happy. We’re in this together. I’ll always be there for you, even when your own side is not.

In season 1, as the stress of the impending apocalypse puts more and more pressure on their relationship, we see their patterns start to break down, and it’s very distressing for them. They’ve been communicating like this for so long that they don’t know what to do when one of them doesn’t follow the dance steps.

When we first see them in season 2, they seem in some ways to be closer than ever. They touch each other more easily, Aziraphale in particular. Crowley is comfortable enough in the bookshop that he has a Spot for putting his sunglasses when he takes them off by the door. They’re more open about acknowledging how much time they spend together and how many things in their lives are shared.

And I think, also, we expect them to be happy. They won, didn’t they? So it takes a while for the cracks to start to show.

It wasn’t until this post pointed out that the whole season, we never see them sit down and share a meal together in the present day (no, Crowley doesn’t eat; yes, it still counts) that it started coming together for me. The closer you look, the more you realize the old patterns they’re used to relying on are broken.

Three times, we see them sit down to their usual table for two (at the coffee shop, the bar, and the French restaurant) and then almost immediately get up again. This post also points out that we don’t see present-day Aziraphale eat anything on screen, other than one of the little candies in the Bentley. This in the same season we learn that Crowley is the one who introduced him to food! It’s one of their oldest rituals!

Even one of their most visually recognizable patterns starts to go wonky this season. In season 1, when the blocking allows it, Crowley’s always on Aziraphale’s left. When they’re standing or walking side by side, and most of the time when they’re sitting side by side together (there are some exceptions due to camera angles)…Crowley’s always on Aziraphale’s left (screen right if they’re facing us, screen left if we’re behind them). It’s one of the clues about the body swap that is easy to see when you know what to look for—in Berkeley Square they are each initially sitting on the “wrong” side of the bench. It’s so reliable that Aziraphale hears a little miracle bling in the sushi restaurant in s1 ep1 and turns to his left—because that’s where Crowley would appear—only to be startled by Gabriel on his right.

Go look at the scene where we find out Gabriel and Beez are a couple. You know the one.

And of course, many people have noted that in the end credits, we’d expect their positions on screen to be switched. They’re on the wrong sides. And it’s such a long shot that I think it has to be intentional.

Some people have speculated that this means they swapped bodies again. I don’t really buy that. Rather I think it is supposed to indicate what becomes extremely clear on a second viewing, that things are Off and Wrong. They are not okay.

And the more you watch them you see that Aziraphale’s excitement during his little adventures is manic and brittle, and that he misses having a place and a purpose and a mission to do good. And Crowley is depressed, unhealthily codependent, even more hypervigilant and cagey and angry than he was before. They both have layers and layers of trauma, and no way to talk about it. They have the time and freedom now to talk about what they want to be to each other, now that they don’t have to hide and encode and maintain plausible deniability. But they have no way to talk about that either, because that’s never been an option before. They don’t know how, and they are both so, so afraid.

And in the fights they have in episode 1 and episode 6, you realize they haven’t resolved anything from season 1. They’re having the same fight they had at the bandstand. Crowley wants to run, keep the two of them safe and damn the rest, and Aziraphale wants to stay and help, believing he can make a difference even in an imperfect system, and neither of them really understands the other’s position. It’s the same damn fight. They haven’t been able to move past this impasse, and it’s the exact thing that breaks them in the end.

And it’s just. Fuck. It’s such a human thing to have happened to them. To make it through the fire (metaphorical and literal) and then have everything go to shit afterward because of unaddressed traumas and insecurities and things left unsaid until they fester.

I know this is not at all how I expected the season to go, and I think it took a little while for me to parse what was going with their relationship, because we are predisposed to want them to be happy and to want things to be easy for them now. But it makes so much sense that this is where they ended up at this point in the story.

I know they’ll make it back to each other. They both love each other too much to give up. They’ll fight their way back together, and I know they’ll figure it out in the end.

But goddamn.

[lustlovehart]

Hard Stoned Gallery Dance

A/n: This was made like monthhsss ago, so I’m posting it as forgiveness for the lack of work i’ve been doing.

Pairing: [ Monster!Twst ] Malleus Draconia x Reader

Summary: Dancing is a beautiful past time, yet such a pretty act is ruined, when Malleus decides to let his affections for you run rampant. (Wc: 1.9k)

Warnings: Kissing & Licking, Murder/Death of Minor Characters (Not explicit), Possessive traits, Clinginess bordering obsession, a little blood, Biting/Marking

Your head leans itself on the rough surface of the stone wall. You’ve finished your objective for the day, so giving yourself this break is well deserved, ten minutes free of Crowley’s nagging is still freedom despite how it sounds. Your eyes can’t help but look up at the pretty blue sky, it stings to look at but you don’t mind the pain, seeing something so clear is worth it.

That cloud looks like a cat.

…

The taste of indulgence is quickly stripped out your grasp when the familiar sound of dragging stone resonates through the air, grating to your ears.

“Child of hunters, what may you be doing here?” His rock-hard face interrupts your view of the sky, green solid eyes look down on you as he casts a shadow on your visage.

Despite his body being made of pure stone, his eyes give a faint green glow, as if a bioluminescent moss grew there. His hair, his wings, and even his tail freely flowed as if he were just a regular Dragon hybrid. But alas, he is some sort of statue— Oh no not a statue, in his words a gargoyle.

You forgot about the difference one time and in turn, he gave you a 3-hour lecture on the difference between a grotesque and other gargoyles. Never again…

“I’m trying to hide from my boss.”

“Shall I be rid of him for you?” His mouth forms a little o as a small puff of a green flame releases from him.

“That would be a bad idea, I’d lose my source of income.” He quirks an eyebrow up at this., to be fair, you don’t think he has any clue what a “payday” is.

Despite his confusion, he lifts from his bowing form, a hand reaching out towards you in all its mossy glory. You’ve known him long enough to know what he wants.

A dance.

You don’t try to hide your exasperation as you take his invitation, albeit a bit slow. His stone body quickly pulls you up and into him. With how much tamer his form is compared to other beasts you know, it’s hard to remember that he’s part dragon, and even worse is part of the only few monsters who know magic.

So as of right now, this marks your third time dancing with one of the worst monstrosities currently on the bounty list. No maybe not one of the worst… From what you remember from Crowley’s ramblings (which isn’t much since you tune him out when possible) he’s probably the most dangerous.

You get the basic idea, but you’ve never truly seen for yourself why he’s considered so terrible. Is he not just a glorified water spout? Compared to a Kraken and an Incubus, surely his damage isn’t so grand to be warranted as the biggest beast to hunt.

“You’ll always be welcomed in my castle, you would not be short of accommodations either.” his hand rests upon your waist, pulling you closer than need be. His invasion of personal space is akin to a parasite leeching off its host, but you let him feed of you. Whether it’s from fear or a bond, you’re not decided.

Your movements are sluggish at best, but you can still remember the basic steps in the dance, your foot sloppily setting itself down where it should be, the occasional step on stone happening once or twice though.

“Considering the current state it’s in… is that even safe for me to walk in…? It looks like one good shout and the bricks holding the place together will crumble apart…”

“That is just the disguise we give it, as to not alert others of our presence. For you though, I’m willing to make it stand out if it makes you happy.” The hand lying on your waist retracts itself as he takes his other clawed limb and twirls you around, falling back into position when the spin is done.

“… I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” You know he’s not lying about that. You can distantly recall when a certain mystery monster had told you the tale of a longing dragon who perched himself at the opening of his window to wait for a certain hunter's return.

“Yes, he was so determined to be the first one to greet you, why he even stayed sat at the window for 5 months. It was quite endearing hehe.”

“Doesn’t it take hundreds of years for you to erode? Maybe it’ll take me 50 years to decide, by then I’ll be old and grey and you’ll be perfectly fine.” You take a step forward before the gargoyle's grip on your body tightens significantly, shrieking when he suddenly dips you down unprepared.

His freed hand takes your other arm and lifts it up to rest on his shoulder. Green sparkles are faintly flying around his lips as he slowly leans into the soft skin on your arm. His face leans in and presses chaste kisses on your limb, the gentle texture of his mouth catching you off guard as it tickles your body. Now you get it, he must’ve cast a spell to temporarily soften his lips.

He had attempted to kiss you once without taking this precaution, in turn, you gave him a face filled with discomfort at the stone texture that kept peppering you.

You can still remember the hurt face he had on when he saw your dislike towards his affections.

On his ninth kiss, his forked tongue peeks out from his mouth, licking a stripe up your skin. He finally lifts you up after the assault on your arm, his face only a few inches away from your own. It would’ve been quite the romantic atmosphere, had your nose not catch a sharp smell, and a horrible wretched one at that.

“You could be on your last breath and I’d still wait for an answer. But I hope that won’t happen.”

“Who knows, I work a dangerous job.” what is it?

The both of you twirl in unison despite the lack of music, your bodies in tandem as they move to just the sound of your surroundings. Though, your body is a little more sluggish than his own.

That stench… Is too familiar.

Eventually, your last steps fade out as you stop in your tracks.

“Is something wrong dear hunter?” Your grip on his shoulder fastens, if he was human you’re sure you would’ve broken his shoulder.

“What did you do?”

A smile is lit on his lips, his head tilting to the side, giving you such an innocent look, like he did nothing wrong.

“Whatever are you talking about?”

“The smell… Iron… This whole time I thought it was just the smell of the forest. But…” You swiftly pull a dagger out from your side, throwing it past his shoulder, the tip of the steel piercing into what sounded like wood.

He doesn’t turn back, only continuing to smile at you, as if you’re the only existing thing here, or more accurately, the only thing he cares about.

The bark of the trunk splits in half, falling to the ground, revealing the source of the stench. The top of the tree isn’t green, it’s red and brown.

4 pairs of hands stick from the leaves.

“You… What did you do Malleus–?!“ he’s quick to twirl you again, his grip on you tighter than it’s ever been. Despite your protests, he continues dancing as if you hadn’t seen anything.

You’re suddenly stricken with the memory of your first meeting with the beast, blood coating his mouth when he looked at you, pure admiration when he had finally met the muse everyone spoke so dearly of.

“Malleus, you—!“

“Tell me, dear human, was it not you who spared me?” He dips you down. “Was it not you who saw a beaten beast and allowed him to live?” He lifts you up. “Even as you walked away with a piece of stone you let go of one who’s rendered thousands over the years,” he pulls you in. “Dead” every action with your body is harsh, but not enough to hurt you, never enough to hurt you.

Because why would he ever wish to harm you?

He’d much rather smother you in affection, even when you’re exerting all your energy to kill him as he hugs you.

“It’s because you…”

“Looked so human?” He continues to keep you close, impossibly so, your skin melting into his, not from fawness, but fear.

“How did you know-“

“You’ve spared so many of us because we made you feel something in the moment,” he must be referring to everyone else… The look you gave him is dazed, caught up in the thought of every other monster you let get away. His fingers cage your chin in between them. “But don’t forget what we are.” Sparkles fly, temporarily blinding you.

When you open your vision, you’re greeted by the sight of Malleus, with the appearance of what he looked like if he was human, or at least similar to a human.

His skin isn’t rough and solid, his breaths are warm, and his hair is soft and pretty rather than a soft moss.

His eyes are a nice green, a pretty green. A color you would’ve enjoyed more had he been a human. Such a lively color shouldn’t be backdropped by crimson, yet, it is.

Behind him, several other trees collapse on themself, revealing the other tops, the same as the tree you had just seen. Views of stray limbs and vaguely familiar faces of hunters invade your mind, panic setting as you finally realize a question you should’ve asked long ago…

Why was Malleus so far from his castle?

Before you can react, your ears hear a faint whisper, eyes going heavy as little pings of thorns claw at your shoes. The last thing you see and feel, is his face leaning towards you, his finger loosening itself from your chin.

In a blink of an eye, he’s no longer the human you spared, but the monster you let escape back into the wild.

The fiendish of smiles is graced on his lips. Not because of evil, but because his smile, is so love stricken.

All because of you.

“Seems the little birdy fled the nest without permission.” Your eyes slowly flutter open, the familiar figure of a man bowing on top of you. “Now, I’ll forgive you as we weren’t expecting such a beast to appear-“

He’s immediately cut off in his sentence when a searing pain cuts through his chin.

“Augh—! How could you kick me after I spent precious time searching for you!“

“You’re the reason I’m here in the first place…!“

“I didn’t do anything!“ Despite your annoyance towards Crowley and all he stands for in your life, you can’t deny if someone had seen this scene play out in front of them, they would assume you two to be a father and his bickering child.

You attempt to stand to your full height, faltering at the pings of pain in your ankle. You suck in a breath, looking down as you nurse hurt skin.

There are briar thorns wrapped around your leg, a single rose adorning the stems, and a gentle green hue that contrasts the pure black of the floral life.

“Oh my, what were you doing last night?”

“… Night?”

“You’ve been gone for 36 hours my birdie.”

You don’t feel any different… Save for the prickle of thorns and fresh bite on your arm.

… Fresh bite?

Despite the indent, it doesn’t hurt, it’s like, he left it there as a reminder of your failures, at least to you. It could very well be his way of staking his claim on your heart.

“It’s a shame you didn’t get him when you could’ve, with your connections, you could’ve spared us a huge loss today…” you’re cruelly reminded of the people that lay to waste hidden in the trees. “We should let today serve as a reminder of what you must do.”

Crowley doesn’t look happy at the sight of so many employees who failed their jobs, yet he doesn’t look grieved either.

You… Truly, you wish you weren’t so softhearted during your missions. Maybe then, this could’ve all been avoided.

A/n: Like I said, this piece was from so long a goo, so i’m so sorry if the plot isn’t to anyone liking, but if it is, i’m happy you enjoyed it!!

[thethingswedotomorrow]

I love the Good Omens 'Night at Crowley's Flat' trope where after stopping the apocalypse in season 1, they go to Crowley's Flat and talk and kiss and fall in love and have a peaceful night, I do.

BUT

What if the night became 'The Night an Angel and a Demon Get Insanely Drunk and Teach Each Other How to Act'

Because honestly

They go to the flat, and ALL they know is they are going to have to swap themselves if they want to survive and finally be free from Heaven and Hell

But they have absolutely NO clue how to pull it off successfully

Sure, they know each other in and out.

Aziraphale has Crowley's eye color committed to memory (and also to paper, since Aziraphale spent 4-5 years in the late 80s trying to find a craft store in London that could help him do the color justice)

Crowley could find his angel in a crowd of millions (and not even just because only one single person in that crowd would be dressed in that ridiculous shade of tartan)

BUT they know they have to truly get this right, down to the exact detail.

So, naturally, they start by promptly opening the closest bottle of scotch that Crowley had available

Crowley was convinced this would be the easiest thing they've ever done

"Only you, Angel, would find a way to worry yourself to death AFTER stopping an apocalypse"

They begin with the easy part, switching corporations and clothing.

It was easy. Until Aziraphale realized he had to actually physically move in the very, very tight pants Crowley prefers.

The first three times he tries walking, he falls face down. And each time, realizes how it's equally hard to get back up again.

Not to mention that Crowley's corporation had learned that after 6000 years, it didn't really need all those vertebrae and bones since he never used them anyways

So now Aziraphale is just laying on the floor in terribly tight pants, very confused on how Crowley has managed all this time

(Crowley is also on the floor, having dropped there laughing after the 2nd attempt)

After they both get up (one much faster than the other) Crowley tries coaching the angel on how to walk like him

Until Crowley realizes he doesn't actually know how he walks, he just sort of wills himself forward and hopes his limbs keep up with him along the way

Eventually, after enough drinks, they settle on a technique called "Just pretend all your limbs are snakes. And you're a snake. Honestly, just as snake-y as you can manage, Angel."

Aziraphale, as difficult as this was for him, figures out that he may have gotten the easy side of this situation here. Crowley very much disagrees.

"Once an Angel, well, definitely not always an Angel, but close enough right?"

He very quickly realizes he may be wrong when Aziraphale asks Crowley to copy his walk

"Dear Lord Crowley, it cannot be that hard. You simply have to walk in a straight line"

It was indeed that hard.

Crowley has all his vertebrae now, but no knowledge of how they should be used

He tries to hold his hands behind his back and march forward, walking in what he thinks is probably, on some plane of reality, maybe a straight line

He's convinced that he's the perfect image of a stereotypical angel, head held high, an air of 'holier than thou' surrounding him

When Crowley asks Aziraphale, he only says, "Well, I suppose it will have to do for now."

Internally, Aziraphale thinks of the fact that Crowley looked identical to a bumbling penguin walking on ice.

When Crowly sits down, very pleased with himself for an impeccable performance ("As always, Angel. I've still got it." Aziraphale uncaps the vodka and drinks straight from the bottle, just staring into the distance.

He has just realized that their existence hinges on whether Crowley can figure out how to sit on a chair like a proper being with appendages and a spine.

And the odds are not in their favor, if they way the demon is sprawled out on the couch (reminding Aziraphale suddenly of a very well-done noodle, and suddenly he's starting to wonder if humans had the right idea with stress eating) is any indication

Crowley announces that he refuses to utter the words tickety boo, even if faced with destruction

"Honestly I think I'd rather have the holy water at that point" "Crowley." "I swear you just make sounds up sometimes, those aren't even real words"

4 bottles (and a very large order of takeout) later, they've got the act down well enough that it's starting to weird Crowley out

"Angel, seriously, enough with the nose. When have I ever done that with my nose? Exactly zero amount of times. I'm not a rabbit"

2 bottles later and Aziraphale has miracled Harry the Rabbit into the flat for a reason they can't quite remember

But they've got music playing from somewhere in the corner, and plenty of drinks, and the night goes on into the morning, and then they're sobering up and marching out for the most dramatic acting of their lives

And the world hasn't ended yet, so they'll probably be fine. Probably.

[styxwanderer]

Hey you can ignore this if you don’t want to answer that. This is an idea to a reaction for the Twst cast to Yuu/Reader being mad at Crowley.

But IMAGINE Yuu/Reader getting told by Crowley that they can’t actually return to their own world because either it wasn’t possible to begin with or had some kind of time limit to which they could return home. And what if Crowley knew for a long time and just didn’t tell Yuu for whatever reason. Now they are so mad and want to commit arson.

I, at least, would ask Ortho, Epel or Floyd to help me empty out Crowleys office and pile it up outside making a big bonfire. (I wold make copies of all his Documents, (I’m not that cruel) I would just hide them to see the look on his face) I would also add things like magnesium, sulfate and other tings to make pretty colored flames.

I love your writing style and I hope you could write your ideas about this.

NRC Tales: No Way Home |

〖Twisted wonderland〗

Dear Neufra darling, I love that brain of yours. i want to kiss it! Sorry it took a while, my brain just kept on generating new ideas for this prompt. I hope you enjoy this fic.

•´¨*•.¸¸.•*´¨•.¸¸.•♪♫•¨•.¸¸❤¸¸.•¨•♫♪ •´¨*•.¸¸.•*´¨•.¸¸.•

“HOW COULD YOU?!” You screamed at the face of the old crow. All respect and calm demeanor to the side. 

“N-Now now..” Crowley was taken aback at your outburst. He  would have never expected these reaction coming from you, the usually calm and nice you. Yet here you are, vein threatened to burst out of your skin.

Why had this happened? 

It is simple.. 

You had discovered that this bastard of a headmage of yours could’ve actually send you back home a month ago, but since he missed the exact timing and all, he decided to cover up his mistake hoping no one would noticed. 

You went to report the headmaster of the progress you made and clues you have regarding a passage for you to went back, yet the crow was not in his office. 

Then you discovered the letter and a piece of paper explaining how the passage mirror works in regard to traveling through dimensions. The next possible time for a dimension travel is approximately 1000 year after the last one. This enough had make your heart clenched. You noticed the date written for the next possible time for dimension travel is a month ago.

Everything was blank for you, “no.. its cant be.. no no no..” 1000 year?! Is this a joke? Human can’t even live past 200. You ears ring as you have difficulty to breathe air. 

Admist of your panic the door turn revealing Dire Crowley. 

“Oh! You surprised me! You should’ve waited outside if i am not in the office .. well? Are you alright?.”

“You… am i alright?” You scoffed. As it clicked to you, the paper was in crowley desk, He knew, he knew but choses not to tell you anything, he knew but chose to pretend and leave you with your meaningless tedious investigation.

“What’s the matter?” 

“How could you…”

“Sorry?”

“HOW COULD YOU!!” You screamed pointing at the paper, you felt blood rushing up your head as tears build up your eyes, you can never see your parents again. Your siblings, your beloved pet, your friends. ‘I am now truly as good as dead to them.’ 

“A—ah.. now.. now..” 

“NOW WHAT?! I can’t.. i can never see my family… why? I can’t… HOW COULD YOU!” myriad of emotions blast through your nerves, but most of all the pain in your heart. You can’t breathe. If you can’t breathe then might as well scream. 

“YOU KNEW. YOU KNEW ABOUT THE DATE! WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME? Why?! “ you could feel your salty tears rushing down your face.

“I am sorry.. but..” Crowley was taken aback by your outburst. Sure he felt guilty but at the same time, he couldn’t reverse time. 

“It was in your desk.. it was in your desk all along. The solution.” You vision has now blurred its view. You tried to wipe it but it kept flowing.

“I am sorry.. there is nothing i could do.. on the plus side, you have a new family now in twisted wonderland you see, new friends too, so don’t feel so disheartened.”

You could not believe your ears. You lift your face from your hand as you stare at his smiling face.

I want to punch that.

“ARGHHHHHH” You grab the nearest lamp stand as you pulled it off the switch as you lunged to this bastard. 

“AAAAAA!!” The crow screamed

‘BOOM!’

‘Crashhh!’

Your body was hurled into the desk by an explosion, landing you to the inside of the desk. Everything ache, you felt that you might have cracked or broken a bone, but you are too numb to notice.

“Headmage!” The door slammed open as the red haired man walked in as he rushed towards Crowley side.

“What happened here? We heard shouting.” The man in a fancy business suit follow in tow.

“Somebody finally have enough of your shit huh old man.” The lion werebeast too walked in.

“Now who would’ve done that?!” The white hair man 

“No matter we need to dispose such unruly person, tch.. it’s always violence first.” The actor draw his Grimoire wand. 

“Hii.. is this an assassination attempt? That’s scary.” A flying tablet walked in.

“Whatever it is, such matters could be solved instantly.” The man with two black horned too entered.  It is rare for Malleus to be present the dormleader meeting, this time Lilia had kept his eyes glued and tell him to go to the meeting hence the rare occurrence. 

They all have just finished their discussion in the dormleader meeting and were heading back to their respective dorm before hearing a loud shout and noises coming from the office. They decide its best to investigate. 

In a glimpse riddled saw somebody was about to attack the headmage and hence the explosion spell. 

The lightbulb of the lamp shade has shattered upon impact. Some of the shard had managed to pierce your hand. But no matter , you could not feel the penetrating shards nor the flowing blood. You were driven by rage, rendering you senseless of others. You did not even noticed who had entered the office. All you want to do is to get back at Crowley the way you know to do. You can’t do magic, but you sure can cause physical harm. 

A loud slam brought the dormwarden attemtion to you. You whom had felt your shoulder dislocated, decided that it is an obstacle, hence you slam your shoulder back in place by slamming it to the desk. You felt no pain, just a hollowing despair.

“A monster…?”

“No thats..”

“Y/n!!!”

The housewarden could only gawk at the sight of your furrowed eyebrow, vein popping out on your side. A clear fury drenched your face.

“no no no no….DONT GET IN MY WAY” an anguished cry came from your mouth as you eerily stood up and charged towards the headmage. Your bloody hand leaving trails as you shove Kalim and Vil away so you could get to the headmage. 

‘Y/n?!!’ 

Just as you were about to get a hit of that masked bastard you felt two strong arms holding you under the elbow, dragging you away from Crowley.

“Unhand me! I SAY UNHAND ME!” You struggle through Leona’s grip, kicking both your legs. You are manic.

“Eugh, calm down! Calm down, Y/N!” Leona whom had managed to snapped out of his shock tried to reason as he struggled to keep you in his hold.

“NO!! Please!! LET ME GO! Let me go!” Your eyes starts to blur once more, this time you can’t wipe the tears away, you don’t bother to do so, you had one goal to achieve. Tears are pouring freely from your manic eyes, eyebrows scrunched up marring your face. There is blood coming out one side of your face from the explosion. You are bruised all over, your clothes ripped and untidy, your hair a chaotic mess. 

Your appearance brought all of them to agape.  

Malleus upon snapping out rush to your side, helping leona to contain you.

“Y/n, please calm down.”

“Erkh, oi stop gawking start helping.” Leona snapped 

“You are bleeding!” Vil run to clasp your hand that hold the lamp shade tightly. 

“Let go.. your hand is injured.” He tried to pry it off your hand but you hold still. 

Your bloodshot eyes still focused on Crowley as you try to shake these obstacles. 

Kalim and Idia are staring blank to afraid to move. The gentle sweet you all gone replaced by your rage.

“Y/n! Im.. im so.. in sorry..im sorry” riddle stammered, he was ridden with guilt for casting the explosion that caused your injury, he hurt his precious person. 

“Whatever the fuck did  you do to rouse this reaction?” Azul turned to Crowley. Unable to stand the sight of your despair. 

“Uhmm..” crowley hated the attention that was instantly directed to him. 

“TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID! TELL THEM!! You.. YOU BASTARD!” You shouted still in their grasp unable to move further.

“I might have missedthetimelimittosendthembackhome. And the next possible date for it to happened again is 1000 year after last month Its not my fault—“ 

“FUCKKK YOUU!” With a new found power you try to pry those latching to you.

“Oii!” You manage to stagger Leona as he lost his grip, letting you slip. as much as Leona think you deserves to beat the crow to pulp he noticed your injured state, not wanting to worsen your condition he held on.

“Stop it! Stop it y/n. You will injure yourself.” Kalim rushed to hug you on your waist allowing Leona to keep his grip on you. 

“How could you missed the date for such important event?!” Riddle shouted to the headmage.

“And you don’t think to tell them!” Azul turned to shout.

“MOVE! AAAAARGHHH!!”  Frustrated by your inability to move you wailed.

If the housewarden were to be asked years after of the events that happened today they will always remember your anguish filled scream. Its deafening yet they could only feel their hearts cracking, as if they were hit by a hammer that let the pain vibrates through their whole body. 

It lasted not only for 5 second, you were screamed continuously for how ever long it takes for your lungs to be a depleted balloon. It is relatively a short time, but it felt like hours for the housewarden. At the end of your screamed you slumped down as those surrounding you lowered you to the ground slowly, vil finally taking the lamp shade out from your grip. 

“I… im… im never going to see them again.. im never going to see my family again… im never ..” you are interrupted by a sob before fully bursting into tears. Placing both your hand to your face. 

You felt yourself being wrapped in an embrace of the lion and a leathered hand patting your head. Kalim still holding you from the waist was moved to tears too. 

“Its not fairrr..” you squeek between sobs.

“ How could you be so irresponsible?” Vil shouted towards crowley.

“God help me im about to smash this lamp shade to your head instead!” Vil shouted

“Now now c-calm down.. lets talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about? Look at the pain you have caused!” Azul glared

“This is totally unacceptable! How could you?”

Riddle felt his head starting to colour red.

“This is enough, you have proven to me that you do not deserve to stand by them, now perish !” Malleus lift his hand up from your head as he walked towards  crowley, he himself felt enraged for what he did to you.

“Wa.. Wait wait wait!” Crowley stepped back, he sure wasn’t expecting the dormwarden to gang up on him, more the king of briar to be involved.

Malleus got close and closer as he clasp his hand on his neck.

“Eekh.”

“What is going on here.” The red robe man walked in inspecting the office, he was followed by the dog loving professor who too had been alerted by a heart wrenching scream. Behind both of them the big gym teacher too, follow them inside. 

The teachers sure wasn’t expecting the headmage to be choked by one of the student more over Malleus, they too wasn’t expecting the headmage to be surrounded by the other housewarden who had looked enraged. 

“what is the meaning of this” crewel demanded. 

Just as the teacher rushed in, the door opened for another trio.

“MYEH! What’s all the noises!” Grim rushed inside of the room

“We heard a commotion. Is everybody alright?”The spade boy rushed in with the heart.

The three of them were in their way to pick you up, since they were informed that you are going to report to crowley about the first year group hard-found investigation. They were planning to walk you back to the ramshackle dorm and have a midnight hang out with you and the others. 

Upon seeing the sight of malleus choking the headmage and the wrecked office they froze.

“Uwah.. what’s will all these mess..” ace surveyed the room. 

Crewel too observed the room before his eyes trails to another group in the room, he found you bruised, bleeding and sobbing into your hand as leona hugged you protectively  from behind and kalim, who is also crying, apologizing to you as in condolences, hugging your waist. 

“Crowley what did you do to my pup?” He spits. He won’t take shit from the man, looking at how broken you are not to mention the scream. He could feel the despair from your form. 

“I demand answer now!” Trein who had think of you as a stepchild, steps ignore the state of crowley who was still in the hold of Malleus. 

“I, i accidentally well.. miss the date in which the is the only possible date to open a transport to another dimension and the next date would be 1000 years from last month.” 

“And how are they in a ragged state?”

“Uhm.. that is my fault i thought the headmage was being attacked by an stranger so i cast an explosion spell resulting them to be thrown to the desk and landed behind. I am sorry.. im sorry y/n” riddle face was painted with guilt.

The silence given by the teachers is foreboding.

Crewel pull out his phone as he dial a number. “Hello I’d like to report a child neglect. Yes from NRC.”

“Wait wait wait! Please! Its a simple mistake, we living being made mistake.” 

“Not as crucial as this, this is just pure idiocy, that comes from me who doesn’t really understand much.” Vargas said.

“This is truly despicable.” Trein shouted

“Thats so fucked up!” Ace shouted

“No shit!” Deuce continues. 

“I knew we should never trust this bastard!” Grim snarled. Grim then rushed closer to where you slumped. Concern painted his face. “Henchmen…. are you alright.” 

The commotion starts again as the teachers too started to bash the neglectful headmage.

“… What.. what's the point..” you whispered a sob , slowly you put down your bruised and bleeding hand.

“What?” Kalim asked between sobs.

“What’s the point of living… everything… everything that i do is meaningless…” as the last word spout from your mouth your eyes rolled to the back, with your rage calmed into despair the extend of your injuries soon begun to catch up on its effects resulting your consciousness to fade. Its most likely from when you hit your head on the desk and then the floor resulting a blood injury on the side of your head.

“O-Oi… wake up. Y/N WAKE UP!” Leona stern voice laced with concern has alerted 

“Y/N! Y/NN!!” Kalim and grim yelled trying to wake you up. 

All attention turned to your limped body as they rushed towards your side. Crowley being dropped to the ground with a loud thud.

“Move movee!” Riddle shoved through the crowd.

“Leona lay her down and slightly elevate their head. Kalim let go.” Riddle shouted.

The sobbing Kalim of course refused to let you go, he is concerned for his dearest friend. Vargas had to pry Kalim off your waist as he clung to you. Leona comply because he know better.

Riddle begun a quick check up on your breathing. 

“They are not breathing!!” Riddle cried

“Move away give them space” Crewel pushed back the crowd as they all step back. 

Riddle then begun to do CPR on you.

The others watched with anxiety running course their veins. Dread filled their system as they thought of the worst possible outcome. After a while riddle managed to get you to breathe. Even if its faint at least you are breathing. With leona pressing on the wound in your head to stop the bleeding.

“We need to bring her to the infirmary hurry!” Riddle yelled.

Leona being the most athletic picked you up in an ease and rushed towards the infirmary. The others followed agreeing that there is a more precedented matter at hand and decide to deal with crowley after the matter is settled. 

Once they have arrived to the infirmary the nurse rushed towards you, ripping you away from leona’s arm asking them all to wait outside as they perform their knowledge to treat you. 

Leona stared at his bloody hand, it is not often that dread filled his guts, usually its a bitter annoyance, yet not all he could feel is anxiety amd dread. 

The rest was no better, they all thought of what they could’ve done to prevent this, what they regretted. None of them are prone to wishing, since a wish are for children. But now they found themselves wishing that all of this is a nightmare. Wishing that this would be over soon. Wishing for you to just open your eyes.  begging and praying for you to be alright, and for the you whom would embrace them in a warm hug with a gentle smile on your face to return not the lifeless ghastly you. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Ignihyde dorm,

For once idia wished he is present in that office instead of observing from the comfort of his room. His room felt chilly, shivers run down his spine, he was left speechless, so was ortho, who had been brought to attention by the commotion could be heard from idia’s monitor just as he was about leave to the ramshackle dorm gulped.

“Brother… what should we do?”

“I.. I dont know ortho..but we can’t leave them like this.”

Idia rushed as he and his brother rushed to the infirmary.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

in the infirmary,

The nurse finally were able to give you proper care as they patch you up, all that rest was for you to wake up.

Those do not settle well for any of the teacher nor the housewarden and your precious trio. They decided to keep you take turns to keep you company. Not knowing when you will wake up. 

The first is grim since he insisted so hard and refuse any other attempts to debate him. This meant of course that ace and deuce too to insist. And hence they got the first 5 hour to company their injured friend. Ortho insisted to stay with the group as well. Saying he is able to detect vital signs as the hours near the time of your collapse a crucial hour. So he wanted to check in you. 

Second goes to Kalim who is persistent about being any help to you what so ever. Kalim felt hopeless and useless. He wished he could’ve done something for you. And he blame himself for not being able to prevent this event. 

The third is Idia who had come in a rush with ortho, he volunteered to everyone surprise.

The fourth goes to Malleus, whom had  insisted since “he could stay up late than any other”. 

The fifth goes to vil whom had insist that since it would be in the break of dawn he is the most eligible guy for this because he woke up early. 

Sixth goes to Leona who snapped out of his trance.

Seventh to Azul, who was looking pale as if a shark was tailing him from the dark depths, he felt powerless like he was when he was a kid. And he loathe that. 

And last but not least to riddle. Whom still feels guilty for casting the explosion spell.

The days in which you are laid unconscious were tense and restless. An eerie silence has swept NRC. The dormwardens who were not on their shift returned to their dorm bringing the news to those who knew you. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Heartslabyul dorm,

When Riddle was rigid, he was devastated of the fact that he himself was the reason of your injury. He was greeted by trey and carter who upon noticing his face was concerned amd ask him what happened. 

When Riddle finished with the news, both thought that riddle was playing jokes at them, it is after they noticed Riddle tearing up that they realized how dire the situation was. The both of them are shocked to find that their friend bawling from guilt.

Trey and Carter calmed Riddle down and talked him out of his guilt, it truly wasn’t Riddle’s fault. 

The two of course wanted to give the crow a piece of their mind. Carter was about to make a video cancelling the headmage in his magicam (he was stopped by Riddle, even though he himself wanted Carter to post it.).  

Trey hastily walked to the kitchen to bake a lot of baked goods for their injured friends, having nothing to do Riddle and Carter helped Trey gladly, and so the three of them spent all might in the kitchen making fantastic delicious food for you. but of course they can’t forget a tart for the crow, a tart that shall be name ‘the pest killer’. Carter and Riddle too gladly help with his ill intent baking. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Savannaclaw dorm,

Upon noticing the smell of blood on their housewarden who looked grimmer than he usually was Ruggie and Jack rushed for answers. 

“Eugh so noisy…” 

With a sigh Leona begun the story, recalling the previous incident. 

Jack rushed to the infirmary, disregarding Leona’s attempts to stop him, leona could only sigh and let Jack be. 

Ruggie was in shell shock, he cannot believe the headmage! Just what kind of headmage neglect his duty?! He pity you, he wanted to go along with jack but he decided its best to do so later. Now he will plan the demise of a crow with the lion. That’s what he gets for messing with their pack.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Octavinelle dorm,

Azul was staggering back into his dorm, noticing the arrival of their friends Jade and Floyd. Noticing the pale they tease their friends but in actuality they are curious and concerned about the thing that made their friend so disheartened. Azul share the story, he felt himself going back to his overblot personality. 

Jade and floyd were silent, their face grim, their eyes were flashing dangerously. They looked to each other, and then a eerie smirk painted their face, 

“we can’t let that slide can we.” Said jade.

“We are going to give this crow the tightest squeeze ever!” Said floyd.

“Yes.. maybe a bot of a waterboarding action would make the crow realized that he fucked up.” Azul joined in.

But of course they find your well-being to be the outmost importance, so they will busy themselves watching over you until you wake up.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Scarabia dorm,

Jamil was surprised to find his ‘friend’ come back to Scarabia a crying mess, when Kalim notices Jamil water begun to pour once more from his eyes as he rushed to hug his friend. 

“What happened?” Jamil sigh asked patting Kalim back. He was no surprise of Kalim

Burst of tears, his childhood friend are prone to waterworks since he wear his feelings by the sleeve. It is the reason that shocked him. 

‘That damn bird brain!’ He hissed internally. Jamil wanted to go to you directly, but Kalim cling to him making him stuck. 

They did get their turn on the shift and so the snake waited patiently. He decided to cook a recipe from his mother for when he was sick hoping that would help you with recovery even if you. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Pomefiore dorm,

“Why so grim Roi du poisson?” Rook questioned, noticing the slight slump in his overall perfect posture as vil walked back to his dorm. 

“Of course i should’ve expected from your ever so vigilant eyes…” vil begun to tell the tragic tale of yours. 

The french boy could feel his smile dropped 

“oh what a tragedy. How the most beautiful rose are the most prone to be picked first. They would wilt in the dirty hand of such a scum. Such a greedy hand doesn’t deserve to hold such pretty flower on their blooming days.” 

His face was slowly casted with the shadow of his bangs. As malice run course his vein. He was not a fan of violence but to protect such a rose he wouldn’t mind to get his hand dirtied on. 

He decided to listened when vil started planning the demise of the dirty crow. He supported Vil cruel method to the fullest. 

Epel who was eavesdropping on the conversation rushed to the hospital wing of NRC, he wanted to this is a mere talk, but he knew Vil would never fuss himself over meaningless gossip. He still wished it was not real and you are fine and awake and will greet him with a smile on your face. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Ignihyde dorm,

Upon returning to his room Idia slumped in defeat, he is useless powerless once more, 

“I can’t… I can’t lose another person..” 

He begun to bury himself in work, he wanted to make sure you recovered well and Crowley to get what is coming to him. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In Diasomnia dorm,

The briar king arrival was greeted by his vice leader and his two peers, but to him it was just his family greeting him back.

“Waka-sama! Thank you for your hard work!” The booming voice snapped Malleus put of his rage trance. He didn’t even notice the ice trail he was living behind. 

“Oh uh… yea.” Malleus answered 

“Its.. cold isn’t.” The silver haired boy softly spoke. 

“Malleus is thought i thought you to better control of your emotion. Look at the ice trail.” The bat fae man scolds.

“Ah i did that. Im sorry.” With a snap of his finger the trail was gone. But now he was faced with the concerned faces of his family. 

“Malleus what exactly happened..”

“I guess i need to tell you this as well.” Malleus sigh in defeat as he share the tale of how Crowley absolutely messed up your mental capacity.

“I should’ve crush his throat when i got the chance.” 

The room seemed to dimmed. When the shock was broken Lilia was cursing the damn crow. Silver who was angry stayed eerily quiet. ‘Unfair’ he thought. ‘Thats unfair!’ He felt dreadful sorrow for you enough to filled hos eyes with tears. After all that you done for them, they could not help you. 

Sebek who was in a silent trance excused himself in a hurry. His pale face is apparent. ‘No you have to wake up… i still have some stuff i haven’t get to say to you’ he thought as he rushed out of his form into the infirmary. He may sound rude or strict but he do truly cares about you and his friend. He regretted not being frontal about his feelings. 

The rest three of them could only do what villains do best. Planning to absolutely crush the crow with a wretched smile on their face. Even silver was in on the plan, without the wretched stained smile of course, he believe just was needed for you, he will become your knight in shining armour. Afterall, the damned bird had attacked their family, and there is a dire consequence to pay. 

All of them regretted that they couldn’t protect your from this event, they wished they were aware of what Crowley did. This includes the other teacher who wished they to participate in the investigation to find your way back home so that they could at least be aware of Crowley and his neglectful behaviour. If only they are apart of the investigation, they would be able to prevent this event from going. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The infirmary was cold and quiet. Ace, deuce and Grim all looked sullen. Grim was teary, crying for you to wake up soon. Deuce was praying for you to get better, to open your eyes at the very least. 

Ortho was observing you diligently monitoring your vitals and looking for a sign in case your symptoms worsened. Though that doesn’t mean he was not haunted by the event. 

Ace was deep in his thoughts how he regretted not coming with you to the headmage office.

All of them regretted not being with you in the office. The image of your hollow dull eyes was imprinted in their memory. Your scream ringed in their ears. A shadow casted the infirmary.  

First was jack who came in,

He was taken a back by the sight of your limped body, the visible bandaged wrist and arm a sore to his eyes. He felt rage for whoever made you like this. 

Epel was next, 

He looked as surprised as as jack muttering “its a lie.. its a lie no way..” before going mad himself  he wanted to cuss and find Crowley right then and there, but he stop himself for the same of you. 

The last to come was Sebek, 

Who had come with a teary eye. Seeing you so broken, fragile like glass he turned away to wipe the flowing tears. How sad your fate were. He find himself mad to the perpetrator. ‘How dare they.’

They all wished to have been there to inform the investigation  they all did to help you to go back home. They wish they are in the office comforting you rather than leaving you alone to discover such secrets. And to be there to prevent you from spiraling into a despair manic breakdown. 

When their turn is up, they exchange their shifts, the sneaky first year get to company you twice since they insisted to go with their perspective housewarden when it is their shift.

 Grim was there all the way, and if he wasn’t, it meant that he was dragged away from your bed by just anybody to get himself fixed and have a proper meal. 

All of them begged for the little miracle they could have. They know miracle does not happened at all for the likes of them, but this time, just this once they wishes and pray to the great sevens to bring you back, to make you open your eyes. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Your eyes could finally flutter on the dawn of the fourth day since the incident. You noticed that the sky was still dark. You tried to look around but a sharp pain ring your head causing you to winched. 

“Mon cheríe!” The hunter, whose eyes were fixed on you relaxed as he rushed towards your side. 

“Thank heaven! Please lay still.. you don’t want to further the damage in your head.” Vil sternly reprimand, he was sitting on the other side with a book in his hand.

“Y/n! Y/n!!!” You are awake!!!”  You see feel a soft furry friend rushed to hug you from your bedside. 

“Thank heavens!! Hey grim! Give em sum space would’ya!” The purple haired boy half shouted, 

They felt a part of their anxiety evaporating from them. But that is not enough

“Hnn.. what.. happened?” 

“…..”

“You…” vile stammered

“Y/n!! What's my name?”

“Epel, of course your name is epel..” you croak, your throat dry. 

The three people plus direbeast in the room sigh a heavy breathe, your memory is intact. 

“Here drink some water. He gently prop your head with his hand as he gently tip the glads of water into your parched mouth. 

Licking your dry lips you felt yourself weakly placed back to the bed.

“I.. i passed out…”

“Yess.. you have a concussion from the explosion.” Vil explained.

“The explosion…..” you muttered.

“I… i can’t go back… i can’t.. my family… i .. i can’t see them anymore.” You sobbed . Large bulb of tears spill from your eyes as quickly as it had pooled. 

The room was blurred by your tears and your sobs filled the room. 

“.. in sorry..” you hurriedly bring your hand to cover your face. You felt embarrassed to cry like this but you can’t help the tears that is pouring. 

“No stop that.. it’s not your fault mon cheri.”

He brought your hand back to the bed. Rook took a handkerchief from his pocket as he wipe your tears gently and carefully. Rook doesn’t find it disgraceful to see you in tears, in fact he thought your eyes looked like a jewel. 

He wished to comfort you very much, to take away the pain from you, but all he could do now was simply wipe your tears. 

Grim was silent. He could only lay his head on your chest as he try to comfort you with his padded paw. 

In all honesty Vil and Epel too doesn’t find you disgusting or messy for crying, rather they want you to cry on their shoulder, to comfort you the best they could. Same as Rook, they wished to wipe that tears away from you.

“Whatda’ya mean?! If its anybody fault its that damned bird!” Epel half screamed in his thich accent.

“YES YES! If i meet that crow! I’ll bite em for you!” Grim enthusiastically said.

“Epel is right! Never apologize to something that is not your fault!” Vil sternly advice. 

“.. thank you.. guys..” You try to suppress your hiccup and sob 

You were driven back to sleep because of your little breakdown much to the dismay of your friends. Your body and mental was too exhausted after the sobbing mess. 

They were all relieved that there doesn’t seem to be a sign of your physical damage to worsened but they could not bring them to be happy because you are so broken mentally. The little breakdown you have made a painful sting in their heart. 

“Rook inform the others that y/n is awake.” Vil ordered.

“Yes, Roi du poisson.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The others soon rushed to the hospital wing upon hearing the news. Their excitement was crushed to see your sleeping red tear stained face. 

“Hey, i thought you say she was awake?” Floyd lowly muttered, irritated.

“she fell back asleep.” Vil said

“Don’t mean with me?!” Leona growled 

“And who asked you to urgently come to infirmary?”

“Y/n really woke up!” Grim argued

“Yes! And she fell back to sleep from.. crying.” Epel continued.

A commotion starts, They were being loud, and accidentally waking you up. 

“Uhmnn…” 

“Oh she really is awake!” 

“Hey! Great now you woke her up!”

You were rubbing your eyes. As you begun to slowly sit up ignoring Vil insistent to get you to laugh down. 

“At least lay here,” he grab another pillow from a nearby empty bed and he prop them up to make a comfortable sitting cushion.

“Thank you, vil.” You smiled. 

“uhm.. i made everyone worry.. im sorry.” You attempted to bow, you meant to only hurt crowley but here you are bai g a burden to everyone. 

Everyone protested. Vil grabbed unto you shoulder and prop the back to the pillow stack.

“What did i just tell you about apologizing for a mistake that isn’t yours?”

“Ah but i did made a mistake.. i become a burde-“

“Don’t finish that word! You are everything but a burden! And it was me who cast that blasted explosion spell, i caused your injury, i am very sorry you/n” Riddle felt shame as bow for forgiveness to you.

“After all you have done for us! It is us who could do nothing to help you. We are the one who should be sorry.” Lilia affirmed.

“ you have always been here for us, yet now…” Ace uncharacteristically said.

“We are sorry..” Kalim who was bought to tears again and were being held by Jamil as to not rush as hug you.

“No.. no.. please, Riddle i don’t blame you at all everybody in the bright mind would do that, and all of you are never a burden to me.” 

“Then don’t ever say you are a burden ok” silver spoke.

“Yes don’t you dare utter such blasphemy to your name!” Sebek yelled

“If its anyone fault! Its that damn birdbrain, don’t worry shrimpy I’ll give him a hugee squeeze for you~”

“Yes a punishment is at due.” Jade joined in.

“With no charge of cousse don’t worry yourself!” Azul smirked.

“Now here you muct be hungry, i made you my mothers recipe.” Jamil brought out a warm stew for you to eat.

“Yes! Jamil food always healed me when im sick!” 

“Ah yeah! After that you could have all the cake, tart, cupcakes, scones you’d like!” Trey add. Showcasing the whole baked goods he mentioned. Some of them are made in a cute animal shape.

“The heartslabyul bois made them with love~” Carter giggled.

“ whoa they bought the whole bakery to the infirmary!” Ruggie gawked

“Heh such a beloved spoiled herbivore you are.” Leona mused.

“You need to eat well y/n, for recovery!” Jack reminded.

“Yes that is true! A high nourishing food is good for a speedy recovery!” Ortho beamed. 

“Ah ok.. you went to pick the spoon up as the stew was placed in front of you, only to feel a the sun-kissed skin gently slap

It away.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He scolded. Jamil then picked up the spoon and scoop the stewing stew from the bowl, then he blow on them gently before moving it close to your mouth.

“Eh…” you blushed upon realizing what happened.

“C’mon the stew is spilling.”

“Ah ok..” you stammered. You hesitantly open your mouth allowing Jamil to feed you.

You felt quite embarrassed as you chew away the meat in your stew. 

“Oi…” 

“Why does it have to be you who feed them?” Ace grumbled.

“Because he made them.. don’t worry we will get out turn soon” deuce grinned.

“We should’ve bring them food too! Don’t worry next time i will cook a delicious meal for you!” Lilia announced.

“Oh uhm.. hahahha no.. i dont want to burden you hahaha.” You panicked.

The rest of them reminiscence the day they get to eat lilia food, the lot of them turned green.

You glanced at Tsunataron, Sebek, and Silver for help.

“Ah uh don’t worry we will help too!” Sebek boomed.

“Yes we would be the outmost help!” Silver joined.

“Yes we will keep a close watch!” Malleus continues.

“Hahaha thank you guys” you giggled.

“I too have a mushroom soup in mind! They are very nutritious you see!” Jade beamed as he always does when he talk about his mushrooms.

“Eughh stopp! Dont feed just mushroom to little shrimpy! They might get stomach pain!” Floyd complained 

“I agree with floyd, though the best of monstro longue food is at due!” Azul promised.

“I too have a recovery recipe for you, you will be healed in no time!” Vil said

“Oh! The great roí du poisson cooking for you, how luck must you be mon trickster.” 

“ big brother and i could come up with aomet too right, big brother!”

“Yes leave it to big… maybe not food hahaha.” 

Idia stammered at the end

The lot of them seeing this begun to have an idea to bring you food in the idea to get to feed you. Leona despite not saying anything brought you meat to eat, he said meat is very important for recovery. It was a very delicious meat, 

“Of course i bought them from only the best restaurant.” Leona smirked. 

…Rich guy.

Ruggie brought you his grandma ultimate recipe.

Idia unable to cook decided he will just made you a gaming console for when you are bored. You thanked him. He put a multiplayer game and other game too so the three of you could play together.

Occasionally the faculty member come to visit, 

Crewel would come bringing a potion for your health, he did scolded you for letting your anger control you. But at the same time, he understands why. Mainly he was concerned for his child pup

Trein would check up on you occasionally sneakily giving you treats, anything for his ehem favorite adopted grandchild student. 

Vargas patted you on the back trying to console you and occasionally visit you too, he noticed how small you look and can’t to want to protect you. “Next time there is any problem just call daddy! And i will be there in an instant!” He boomed with his white shining teeth. He really could an actor in a toothpaste commercial.

Sam was filled in on what’s happening after crewel came in eyebrow burrowed, smelling of tabacco and demanding the finest bottle of wine. He felt pity for his favorite child costumer. He visited you bringing you trinkets and candies from all around the island, he said its free of charge and that not to mind it since he was giving the candies away anyway, though you suspect he lied about that part. He often patt your head as you pop the snack or candy he brought for you.

The first year would visit you for hours after class it seemed like it has become their hang out place. Right after school ended, they rushed to go to the infirmary. They bring snacks with them and of course the famous Felmer apple juice. They would bring today's notes to you and do homework together, play game together, or any other stuff to cheer you up. 

The lot of them made you feel better though you are still saddened about not being able to see your family, you have to agree with Crowley that the family you have in NRC is heavenly for you.  

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Finally come the day you are discharged. 

The dorm planned a party for your recovery of course with the permission of the teachers. They bring all sorts of food and drinks. You enjoyed everything, their laughter, their pranks, the way they joked, the way they care for you and one another. Everything made the hollow in your heart to fill up.

“Now are we ready for the main event!” Azul announced.

“Eh main event?.. what is that.. i was not aware..” you whispered to grim.

“Hehehe! Just wait and see henchman!”

“We sure are!” They cheered, their eyes were glinted with mischief and wickedness.

“Introducing the flaming pest!” Lilia cheered as he flew above and lifted the sheet covering the stand.

It was Crowley tied to a wooden pole as stack of hay was stuffed in his surrounding. 

“What.. what!! HEY!! Released me this instant!!”  He screamed. 

“Whats the meaning of this! I expect better from you housewarden!! Crewel! Trein! Vargas! Sam! Save me!!”

He was meet with a smirk. Crewel raised the wine glass to his mouth as he sip the succulent wine. “ may you rest in pieces.” The two other laughed. Trein just smirked silently and sip his wine ready to watch the beautiful flaming pyre. 

“NOOOOO!!!” 

All of them jeered and laughed. You could only find your self in a state of shock amazed of house brilliant and caring your friends are, you are brought to tears.

“Ah y/n is crying!”

“Why are you crying dearie.”

“It must’ve because of that bird!” 

“I DID.. Nothing .. at least now.” Crowley defended himself.

“No it’s not it, it’s just.. I'm just touch at how caring and lovely you are.” You are meet with couple embrace from the first year group whom had stayed by your side. 

“What a heartfelt sight you truly have a gift to bring people together. BUT NOT THE RIGHT TIME NOR THE RIGHT CAUSE! C’mon i am Sorry alright!! Pleasee!” 

“Thank us later once the show has begun, now be amazed!” Jade beamed from your behind holding your shoulder as he lifted your chin up to see the stage. 

“Alright!” 

“Pull the lever!” Ruggie howled.

‘Click!’ 

“No nooo!!” Crowley shouted, he was so very sure he was going to die burning to the death, yet no fire ball come through. A bunch of hay fall through from nowhere, a summoning spell.

Then followed with tons of bags, robes, and coat. Another batch comes tons of hard worked documents., and a sofa.

“Eh..”Crowley was confused about the whole thing, until he realized that all of those stuff was taken from his room and office. 

“NOOO!! My Dioz branded coat! My Guzzi Bagg! MY VALENTINE ROBEE!!! I worked hours for that document pleaseeee. my 8 million thaumark couch!

“Set them on fire!” Kalim cheered

“YEAYYYY!!” 

Carter was filming the whole thing. He will send the video to idia to render for high quality and will distribute them to those attending including the teachers. 

Each dorm were given a chemical to throw into the fire,

The Heartslabyul were given Lithium to turn the fire colour red.

The Savannaclaw were given Sodium to turn the fire colour yellow.

The Octonaville were given Caesium to turn the fire colour bright purple.

The Scarabia were given Radium to turn the fire colour bright red.

The Pomefiore were given Potassium to turn the fire colour darker purple.

The Ignihyde were given Indium to turn the fire colour Blue

The Diasomnia were given Boron to turn the fire colour green.

This of course is conducted safely. The idea comes from both Rook and Trey with the approval of Crewel who is also supervising them in this event.

“NOOOOOOOI!!!!!! Stop stop!! Burn me instead nooooo!” Crowley struggle two times the effort but to no attempt. Leona and jack had made sure that the ropes tightly dig into the headmage body. 

“ARGHHHHH!!” The headmage felt utterly despair as he too faint from shock.

You are mesmerized by the different colour that flashed by the pyre.

The whole party cheered. The bags, coats, and robes completely turned to ash.

Everybody had the same thought in their head. 

‘Serve him right for messing with y/n.’

You grow silent again for a after cheering as reality seep in on you.

“Hmm what’s wrong, are you not satisfied with the display?” Jack concerned voice brought attention from the rest of the group. 

“No it’s just.. since i will be here forever i don’t know where to go after i finished with my studies. I can’t do magic so i am practically useless in this world.”

“What are you saying henchmen! You and i will be together forever i am the one who could cast magic and you shall be the brain!”

“Yes and besides I wouldn’t mind if you take the last name Roseheart if you would allow. I will forever protect and i will provide you with anything you want. I will be a lawyer you see! You will be living the best of your life with me. And grim too of course. Besides i need to take responsibility for giving you, your first kiss.” Riddle instantly offered.

Your brain short circuited. “Huh… eh..” 

Did you just got proposed?!

No way right?!

“NO WAY! Y/N you should take Ashengrotto instead you see i will be the next biggest billionaire! You wouldn’t need to worry about penny of what you want to spend, unlike a lawyer who need to rely on a client to earn living. And frankly, CPR does not count as a kiss!” he sneered

“What do you mean by that huh?!”

“No, y/n you should come to briar valley instead! You could marry one of my son, i have options anyone you choose would guarantee to provide you with the best, Malleus will be king of briar, my other two will become a royal guard! Although i wouldn’t mind if you want to spend your days with my last years.” Lilia claimed.

“F-father.. but y/n its true i will provide you the best I could.” Red tint his cheeks.

“YES! I don’t care if you are a human, you are truly the best of best, i would be honoured if you are willing to spend your days with me.” Sebek blabbered blush. 

“Y/n would you consider, you shall be the queen of briar valley and i your king. We shall spend our moment with joy, i guarantee your safety and riches.” Malleus confidentially proclaimed red tinted his ears.

“Hah, and what lock her up in that dark gloomy tower of yours? Y/n you should ignore these guys. Come with me and become y/n kingscolar, your good friend ‘Tsunatarou’ are not the only one with a royal blood. Come with me, i will ensure twice what they offer. Be my queen herbivore.” Leona smirked extending his hand. He might sound pompous but the red tint on his face says otherwise.

“No, you might be royalty, but the al asim family possess riches compared to a royalty! And Kalim is the heir of al-asim! You should come to scalding sands instead!”

Jamil shouted, yes he just promoted his best friend, but who to say you can’t have an affair with him. 

“Yes! Yes!” Kalim agreed

“No way! Your family is riddled with murder attempts the leeches are guaranteed to be veryyyy secured! Shrimpy won’t need to be cautious when eating their food nor do they need to sleep with one eye open.” Floyd smirked. 

“Yes you could chose the either of us, but in all honesty i dont mind sharing with my brother you see, we always share out stuff anyway.” Jade laugh into his hand like a proper gentleman he was.

You never would have thought to see the leech brother blushing but here you are, 

“I am a renowned actor! The number one barchelor in the entire island! You should take my hand instead! I will promise you fame and glory! You will be rich and beautiful, you shall be my queen.” Vil too joined in with a blush to his face.

“Heh all actor have expiry date you know.” Leona tease

“What do you mean by that?”

“He meant when you are all wrinkly and old!”

Ortho tease, the gremlin inside of him seemed to have awakened.

“I am still far from that age! I am not old!!”

“But you depend on it.” Ortho teased again.

“Oh truly marvelous! But y/n I wouldn’t mind if you choose to go as Schoenheit, I too have to propose for you to take the name hunt, I promise to protect you and guide you till the day we have to separate naturally.” Rook proclaimed.

“Rook.. you dare betray me..”vil was once again shocked.

“You shouldn’t shock since you saw what was under my room wallpaper, and me as your supplier.”

“Huh.. that made perfect sense.” Vil sigh.

“Y/N .. w-would you go to S.T.Y.X with me! I know i might not be much, but i assure you! Styx have the best protection, they even manage to beat all of these housewarden. I want to rule styx with you… uhmm thats too cheesy!! The point is!! I would like to offer the shroud last name if you allow me to be with you!!!” Idia stammered. His hair tip turned pink as he fiddle with his fiddle with his fingers out of nervousness.  

“Yes y/n! We would have a lot of fun adventuree!” 

“Absolutely not.. not in a chance i’d let that happen.” The overblot boys yelled.

“SHADDAP!! It's not your choice its theirs!” He yelled.

“ARGHHH… ya kno, the bunch of ya! Not everythin is about richesss! Y/n! We could build our Felmer farm together! And I will take care of ye for the rest of ma days! I vowed to ya!” Epel declared! Face flushed red both from anger and rage.

“The Bucchi name would look good on you y/n. I promised to find any means to provide for us! And even if you don’t I don't mind if you want to have an affair with me, i can share!” Ruggie assert himself.

“Or me in that case! I promised to protect you as long as I can breathe, I may not have a mountain of riches but i will ensure a peaceful calm life for the both of us. What do you say y/n would you take the howl name?” Jack continued. 

“Y/n I may not have much as well, but I can ensure you a fun and on going life! I will provide for you! All you need to do is give cay- cay lots of love ok? And I promise you everything and the name diamond.” Carter too extended his hand.

“My family have a bakery and my sibling, and my parents are a very lovely and warm people! My parents and siblings loved you already! I will vow to be there for you always to the end of days, to provide for you in sickness and in health.” Trey fixed his glasses in nervousness, yet he delivered his message perfectly. 

“NO! Y/n! MY MOM LOVED YOU ALREADY! She kept going on and on about when you are going to visit! You don’t need to worry about horrible mother in law!! She adored you just as i have come to adore you… i-if you are willing to take the spade name.”

“No way! They would not last with somebody with the brain of a peanut! Y/n i will climb to the top of top! And provide you with everything there is in the world! How about that? Will you take the Trapolla name.” Ace too declared.

“So who would you choose?” 

“LIKE HELL I’D GIVE MY PRECIOUS PUP TO YOU BRAT! Wolves! STAY AWAY! Y/n will you become my child instead! Here you can sign your name here and here! I will provide you! And if you want a job you could be my exclusive model for my brand!” Crewel wave his riding crop to shoo away your barchelor as he hovers you and adoption paper.

“Teacher we too can find y/n a promising job! Away, no harrassment shall befell them!” Some of the students argued.

“I jest, y/n you should come with me! I have experience with kid. You shall be taken care of with the outmost dignity. I have enough to provide for everyone.” Trein claimed.

Vargas and sam are satisfied to be the strong protective and the spoiling uncle, yet they found themselves offering you the same offer.

“I own a family business far and wide and mysterious, i will tell you all about it if you sign here and here.”

“I will protect you from all the troubles amd boys! Over my head body!” 

“Whoa, you manage to make the students fight one another and the teachers too! Such power you have, henchman.”

You are left a blubbering mess.. 

“Huhhhhh!!!!!!” 

“Don’t worry the great Grim will choose the most perfect eligible barchelor for you! You don’t mind anybody right?!”

“A..AA ….”

“Okk! such trouble this henchman brough me" Grim smirked

And hence the chaos ensued.

Though, it is safe to say that Crowley would not dare to pull something as such or mess with you again. Reports said he had become more diligent and responsible to his work. Such trauma you caused him.

So, whose hand will you take, my dear?

[Words 9219]

» End «

•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•

[A/N]

This is by far the longest fic I had written 9219 words?! YIPPEE

taglist: @neufora @shironakuronatasa

[linipikk]

They really spent a lot of time pointing to the second coming for Apolaypse 2 electric boogaloo

all 3 minisodes are about ... humans dying and being brought back to life, or more like, how that is not possible...and how Heaven and Hell have worked around that

In A Companion to Owls, Job kids never died even when they should have, Heaven didn't know enough to distinguish that they were the same children and Sitis quickly got that the miracle was... that their children didn't die to begin with. Once they are dead it is game over and Crowley and Aziraphale refused to let them die

In The Resurrectionists (it is literally called The Resurrectionists!!) and it is how one girl is shot and they can't do anything once she is dead. And Crowley still goes off of his way to make sure the other one doesn't kill herself, risking everything. And we know hell's extreme sanctions are probably what makes him ask for insurance, for holy water. On the other hand, this episode is called The ResurrectionistS, plural, but we meet only one of them ..while in the other side of the sign is Christ himself.

THEN in 1941, we have ZOMBIES, the literal living dead walking around, and Furfur states that he can't make them living people again due to a clause and just leave them as zombies to roam the earth. We see how cursed they are, rotting and bound to eat brains but not human.

EVEN! From episode 1, we get a big Clue: miracles are measured in lazarii, and resurrecting someone is no easy feat. They were telling us to watch out about coming back to life... and how only the mightiest of archangels are able to use that amount of power (or an angel and a demon holding hands...)

and I do want to point out that part of the things Gabriel remembered was this line

Job kids didn't die, in victorian england Wee Morag died falling in the hands of a resurrectionist, and the Germans died and came back- just not quite alive. Every day it is getting closer,

... they are telling us that the second coming is afoot, but they are also showing us that there is no second opportunity on this earth. Once you are dead, you are dead.

and Crowley, in the direst time when Aziraphale is breaking his little demonic heart, says

And now, the plan to resurrect one human to make the end of the world happen is in Aziraphale's hands.

[bubbleddisasters]

I’m bored so DORM SET UP HEADCANONS!

———-

Heartstabyl:

-With the stairs constantly moving, most second and third years have somewhat memorized the patterns, yet never tell the first years.

It’s like a right of passage to figure it out for yourself.

-Similarly to how each of the other dorms has their special little extra area (Ex: Pomfieores Hidden Lab, Savannaclaws Colosseum etc) Heartstabyl has a literal courtroom that goes often unused, but sometimes if Drama or Arguments gets too much, they will have a court session to debate it, or just joke debates.

-Due to it nearly breaching capacity, the third years do not have their own dorms, but share with one other student, of their choice if mutual or random otherwise. Trey and Cater share a room, which has been jokily dubbed the Leprechaun room. (Clover suit with green hair and goldenish eyes + Ginger with soul sucking bright green eyes)

-There is a confiscation room that only Trey and Riddle are SUPPOSED to have access to. Unfortunately for them, Che’nya does exist and can be bribed into robbery with (good) cheese, (good) cheesecake, or cool trinkets as long as the confiscated item isn’t overly dangerous or too illegal.

-Ace and Deuce’s room is known for being the loudest and has received an unorthodox amount of noise complaints.

-Some students make the hedgehogs outfits and little hats.

____________

Savannaclaw:

——

-As it’s literally made of ROCK, there are many incidents and injuries from running into walls or tripping.

-If food goes missing, their is actually war fare and it is taken personally, but Ruggie has managed to escape suspicion for his entire stay so far.

-Not a goddamn vegetable in sight, Jack has a stash of them and is so far one of three students to do so.

-Dumbest dorm in the club with the highest drop out (usually for pursing a sports scholarship at another school) , expulsion and injury rates.

-Due to fights, sports and literal brain damage from being hit in the head with a discus one too many times, the dorm members are often at the nurses office.

-Sometimes gets ABO jokes from (mostly) Ignihyde students, and has literally no clue what they’re talking about unless directly explained. Jack didn’t say anything to the majority of the school for about a week after Ortho explained it to him.

-From what we see in Leonas Room atleast, all the windows are glassless, so some students will straight up jump out the windows or fall through them on the regular.

-There actually IS a vice housewarden, atleast on paper, since it was required, but nobody knows who it is, not even the vice themselves.

Leona picked a student from his dorms name at random, and Crowley never checked in with the student, and has been under the assumption they’re constantly busy or just neglectful thanks to Leona gaslighting.

The only thing he has told Savannaclaw is that he can confirm it’s not Ruggie, since he didn’t know he existed at the time.

-Rook has crawled through Leonas window ATLEAST ONCE to bother him, and after that he put up drapes so he had a better chance of hearing him coming.

___________

Octavinelle:

_____

-ALL the drama and ALL the blackmail. Literally a dorm of Regina George level dramatics. Pomefiore has nothing on them.

-Gaslighting and Manipulation extraordinares

-As Ursula herself is based on a Drag Queen (Divine), I imagine they have Drag Nights at the lounge, and they’re extremely popular.

-Alot of the non-mer students make jokes about drowning if the barrier ever gets removing, and as most of the mers likely blush blue instead of pink/red, usually many first year humans think their literally choking/ can’t breath for a hot sec.

Also alot of strange incidents and firsts for them, like finding out your roommate is bioluminescent.

-24/7 Elevator music in the lounge, so it drives them absolutely INSANE if played around the dorms too.

-The music was never actually turned off during Azuls OB, as Jade, Floyd or Azul himself probably had the key to the audio room, or was already locked into the bluetooth, so everyone was losing their shit whilst spa music was playing in the background. Sort of like that one Markaplier quote:

“If purple guy is the creator, then what does it all mean- CAN WE CUT THE CASUAL BONGOS?!!”

-I KNOW we see the beds aren’t this way from the Octatrios beds but I hate the basic ass design of Octavinelles actual inner dorm, so y’know what? Clamshell and/or Oyster beds that can open and close like the ones Ariel and her sisters have in the movies.

I’m also changing the color scheme because where the fuck dId they get MAJORITY WHITE AHD LIGHT FUCKING LAVENDER FROM?? URSULAS COLORS ARE BLACK, SILVER/PEARL AND PLUM??

So yea fuck you, Plum, Pearl/Silver, Black, Blue and dark teal color schemes with alot of corals, underwater cove and ocean themed furniture.

-If the dorm were to ever run out of transformation potions, things would get wild real quick.

-They have a pool that is basically just an aquarium you can swim in. Floyd was banned for a month once for trying to drown someone. (Jade was infact not only an accomplice, but the one who gave Floyd the idea in the first place, and immediately threw Floyd under the bus when Azul caught them)

-Azul has a secret private pool hidden behind a door wall thing.

-Jade has a Room of Shrooms that is locked off to the general students.

-Many of the students learn serving tricks to get extra tips.

-Will spitefully bring someone who came laters order first if you’re being a pain. Repeatedly if you really earned it.

-A student once brought heelies, and Floyd immediately jumped on the idea. So yes, some students will heelie over to your table for the sake of “convenience”

______

Scarabia:

—-

-Introverts: Welcome to hell.

-As another dorm with open windows, there are some falling issues.

-Jamil does that mom thing where internally he’s like “Nobody helps me in this fucking house” or will passively aggressively say something like “Well if you want to do this more often, maybe you could start helping out.” but when the dorm students actually offer to help 9 times out of 10 he’s like “absolutely not you’ll mess it up.”

-Schemers canonically but both negatively and positively. Like would say the most sweet and positive plans like their planning a mutiny.

-Like that one “If Antinious was actually a sweet guy” remix of Hold Him Down from Epic :

“Haven’t you noticed who’s missing? Don’t you know the prince is not around?

I heard today is Telemachus birthday, and I heard today he comes back to town so-

I say we gather near the beaches, I say we wait til he arrives~

I’ll slip away while you all distract him so I can go PREPARE THE SURPRISES.

Hold him down…While I’m in the kitchen~

Hold Him down…While I start to bake~

Hold him down while we slowly bring his buddies his family and Favorite Cakeeee~

Cut it down….into tiny pieces

For the prince…Serve it Alamode…

When the prince wonders what his gift is…ONLY HIS MOTHER AND I WILL KNOWWWWW”

Yea thats Scarabia student planning core.

-Steal one thing from this dorm and you can probably feed a family of four for a month.

-You can get a medical pass to be exempt from being in the dorm during the day if you’re sensitive to heat.

-Not all the students actually like the parties, but participate in them for the free food regardless.

-Its concerningly easy to lockpick most of the treasuries, but nobody has done it sheerly because they would feel bad if Kalim still forgave them.

-Its common for first years unused to the heat to straight up pass out before even making it to the dorm since from the map, its a concerningly long walk, so they had to install a mini secondary teleporter sheerly to avoid constant heat stroke.

_______

Pomfieore

——

-Smells like a Sephora and Bath and Body Works with a side of Chanel Perfume

-Many of them are very invested in celebrity drama.

-There is what has been nicknamed “The Garden of Death”, which is a small garden in the back of Pomfieore containing many poisonous plants used to create, and this may come as a surprise, poisons.

-Second highest drop out rate, mostly due to struggles with pursuing a budding career in the entertainment and/or artisic industry and balancing school aswell.

Vil usually does try to dissuade them, but unfortunately it is a good point that he was, even if he did his career work on his own, still had the Schronheit name behind him, creating a high bias with many directors and companies, so he already had higher chances then the average budding actor since the start, and I can imagine alot of the students pointing that out if they didn’t have the same.

-Some students, when they think Vil is not looking, will sit on the throne as a joke.

-The amount of makeup and mirrors in this dorm is crazy.

-Epel has, on more than one occasion, jumped out of windows to escape Vil/Rook, so 80% of the common area windows are locked.

-The walls and carpets in the main areas actually have very thin sheets on them to prevent makeup stains.

-As one of the chonkiest dorms, both in length and width, walking around can be hell if you’re in a rush. So many stairs, so little time.

-The Secret Lab has a Emperor’s New Groove like lever system that only the dorm students know which is which, but sometimes mistakes are made.

_____________

Ignihyde:

——

-When I say you can HEAR the electricity moving through the wires EVERYWHERE.

-Actually blinding to walk into at night due to the amount of screens.

-The kitchen is actually souped up and super clean because it’s nearly never used.

-They have Streaming Parties whenever a new season of a well liked anime or show among the students comes out, and on very rare occasions, Vocaloid Raves when a new album comes out.

These are the ONLY parties Idia attends and actually assists in the setup of, so you know it’s absolutely wild. Its a unanimous agreement that nobody is allowed to tell any other dorms about it (Ramshackle excluded)

-Ortho is the world’s nicest hall monitor at night when he’s bored and Idias actually asleep for once, but it can give students whatever the equivalent of FNAF is flashbacks.

-It’s a dorm joke to say “I’m tired, i’m heading home to Hell” or “I’ve got to catch the Ferry to the Underworld, see ya later”

-The projects the students are cooking up in this dorm makes Elon Musk look like a toy maker.

-These motherfuckers are also nocturnal sometimes. The main room is more active at night then during the day.

-They have a constant cat visitor that they’ve yet to realize or find out is Che’nya in a cat form. Trey once noticed Idia walking to a vending machine with a purple and pink cat on his shoulder and simply aggressively sighed.

-The Cat is lowkey pampered, and it actually started when Che’nya was making a getaway and accidentally ran into Ignihyde in his secondary form.

-Least Magic using dorm. Literally that one meme where it’s a few characters using normal weapons and then it’s a character from the same series with a gun. Ignihyde is that character.

The Genya of the NRC dorms.

________

Diasomnia:

——

-Will practically go into nuclear reactor evacuation if Lilia manages to get into the kitchen.

-They have an entire armory of everything but firearms. However there is a bazooka that Lilia donated for comedical reasons.

-Nearly everyone in the dorm despises Sebek for a multitude of reasons. It’s unfortunate but by god is it true. He is mostly unaware of this and the fact they were near ready to throw a party when he started hanging around Ramshackle more.

However, The only thing keeping Sebek from being literally mass jumped is the fact they don’t want to risk pissing off Lilia or Malleus and thats about it.

-Very Pointy furniture. Everything is VERY POINTY. Poke at your own risk.

-When leaving their room at night, their constantly on guard because of Lilias jumpscaring streak.

-The bridge is the worst thing ever if you have a fear of heights as it’s extremely cracky and thin.

-Some students genuinely think Silver is dead when they find him in random spots asleep.

-Lilia can turn into a bat and you cannot convince me otherwise, therefore alot of the students will eye bats on the ceiling with suspicion trying to see if A: Lilias among them. Or B: If they’ll snitch to Lilia if they’re doing something they shouldn’t.

-Sometimes they’ll polish the gargoyles and grotesques for Malleus.

_____

Ramshackle:

_______

-Yuu/MC has a string of Polaroid photos taken with the Ghost Camera in their room.

-Creakiest couch known to man, and everything within the dorm has some scorch or scratch marks from Grim Zoomies.

-The ghosts become cool Great Uncles, and Knit like crazy during october, since they can’t really touch things afterwards, so MC ends up with a pile of blankets, sweaters, scarves, hats and more.

-They also tell MC the tea with the other school ghosts.

-Skully actually haunts Ramshackle, but the secret area below it, which used to be the main dorm, but nobody dares go into the basement, so nobody really knows about it anymore. If MC were to find it, he would be BEYOND thrilled.

-Everytime a new idiot is initiated into the first year squad, they usually end up with their own “room”, since Ramshackle has way too many empty ones anyway.

-Originally Ace and Deuce just shared one since most of the rooms were broken down and they weren’t taking chances, plus there was only one next to MC and it would feel weird if they were an entire dorm apart.

-This came in useful during Book 5 because alot of their stuff was already kinda just…there anyway.

-Jack just uses his room for Cacti. Thats really it, since the last time he tried to store weights in there, it didn’t end well.

-Epels is excess Apple Storage and a Vil-Free Safe zone, which is often raided by the rest but mostly Grim since Apples.

-Orthos is just a charging port and some movies and games. It does look very strange compared to the rest with all the near SCI-FI theme going on.

-Sebeks is just more of a reading and training room now then anything else, and there are swords in there that Yuu/MC is permitted to use for self defense.

But it used to be, for awhile, jokily named the Room of Shame, because Ace consistently managed to trick him into going in and would lock the door when he made one too many human discriminative comments and wasn’t allowed out until he apologized.

-Ramshackles outer doors and windows actually use a super old enchanted lock with only 5 keys in existence (Yuu’s and the 4 extra you can give in the guest room) , so its unable to lockpick, to Rooks dismay, he’s banished to only looking through the windows

-Unfortunately, Ace did get his grubby little hands on one of the key’s at some point, so he is a constant B&Er of Ramshackle (truly best friend core) and often drags Deuce with him.

-Ramshackle has a themed mess of items, as many are gifts from the other dorms, a Kettle from Ramshackle, Rug from Savannaclaw, “Accidentally over ordered extras” of chairs and a table from Octavinelle, Silks and Culinary equipment from Scarabia, etc etc.

-Sebek did fall through the floor once because he was stomping around like he was kinda used to in Diasomnia, and overestimated the durability of Ramshackles Floors.

-This happened multiple times to Floyd aswell during their occupation of Ramshackle in Book 3.

-A ton of random trinkets from Malleus exist within the dorm, some found, some not.

-Lilia will sometimes follow Malleus and MC on their midnight walks as a bat, and Grim once tried to fight him, telling MC a random bat he saw on the porch was being fishy.

_______

I’m tired so thats about it.

Enjoy

[vidavalor]

Near the end of S2, two plots from S1 are directly referenced, so they'll be fresh in our minds as clues to what is happening in the S2 finale. While different plots, they actually have something rather interesting in common that could hint at the reason why it is these two plots we need to remember.

The first storyline is Gabriel not knowing that he was dealing with Crowley and not Aziraphale during the body swap.

What's interesting about this reference is that it is specifically about the body swap plot from Gabriel's perspective. Whether he figured it out or not between the seasons is unknown but, by the end of S2, we now know that since Gabriel has his memories back, he can put together what Crowley told him and he definitely knows now. What's the point here?

Gabriel thought he knew who he was looking at in S1 but it took until the following season for him to be told he didn't.

Hmm... hold that thought while we look at the other referenced plot...

That's the bookshop fire.

Aziraphale refers to it directly when explaining to Nina about the fire in the shop being the reason why they now have so many fire extinguishers. The reference here, though, is that the one having greater difficulty dealing with the fire and who is the reason for the battery-operated candles and fire extinguishers is the one who saw it happen and that's Crowley.

This is where these two, referenced plots start to have something in common...

Crowley's confusion during and immediately after the fire is regarding who is responsible for it. He thinks Aziraphale dead because he can't sense him and the shop is ablaze, leading Crowley to think that it was likely demons at the behest of Satan who did this. He's not entirely sure but when we see him soon after, he's drunkenly recounting how he wound up getting involved with Lucifer, indicating that he thinks Satan took Aziraphale from him.

Unlike the Gabriel story with the body swap, this question is answered almost immediately for Crowley so the story can go forward for the rest of the season. Aziraphale appears to Crowley and explains that he was discorporated.

So, we have two plots from S1 directly referenced ahead of the end of S2-- and both of those plots come down to having the identity of someone backwards.

Gabriel thought he was looking at the angel Aziraphale, but it was really the demon Crowley. Crowley thought it was Satan who took Aziraphale and the bookshop from him, but it was really The Metatron.

Crowley. Thought it was Satan. Who took Aziraphale and the bookshop from him. But it was really The Metatron.

And Gabriel thought he had identified the being in front of him as an angel... but it was really a demon.

In the mirrored S2, those are some pretty big hints that the being identified as The Metatron who just took the bookshop and Aziraphale is really Satan.

There's also writers-stand-in character Furfur whose only contribution to the group scene is to remind the audience to remember a specific part of the Job minisode from back at the start of the season:

The bit where it was an example of Hell doing Heaven's punishing for them.

Furfur then also draws another paralleling line between Job and Aziraphale by saying Job was a lovely man Furfur never met, which is a dialogue callback to this bit in 1941:

The bit where Hell walked through the door.

Are you totally sure this is The Metatron?

Or is it more likely that Bildad had the season endgame foreshadowed for us nicely back at the start?

[thebluester2020]

[TWST] "Free" Lodging At SavanaClaw

Summary: After being kicked out from Ramshackle Dorm, you swallowed your pride and decided to go to SavanaClaw to try and convince the local Housewarden to let you stay until you found a way to get Ramshackle back. But, as nothing was ever free in your former world, the same rules apply here! Warning(s): Leona being a dick but that's the normal, Dub-con(kinda-ish?), Manipulation, Leona refers to the reader as "lioness" instead of "herbivore" (This reader has an attitude y'all, buckle up), Gender neutral pronouns (Reader is heavily implied to be a girl though), Edging(?), No active sex in this one just Leona feeling the reader up basically, Consent check-ups. Side Note(s): This may be the most inaccurate fanfic I'll write to date since I'm just now getting back into the TWST fandom 💀. But I vaguely remember (I think?) the MC getting kicked out from their dorm and having to shack up with Leona for a bit so I'm running off "You want something? What're you willing to do for it?" type of energy. Also, I will add to the idea that Leona drinks his "respect women" juice, so be prepared for those consent check-ups.

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI

"...So, that's why I need to stay here..."

Never once in your life had you felt so small, so...insignificant as you stood in front of Leona's dorm room, after pouring your heart out about your situation and how you had no place to stay after making a shady deal with Azul. To be in a position of begging, pleading with to have a place to stay. You didn't know who to curse out first!

Crowley for not getting you back to your original world fast enough.

Azul for tricking you in the first place into making a shady deal.

Or maybe even yourself, for being so foolish in the first place as to think that there wouldn't be a backhanded price for losing a bet with Azul to begin with! And what's more? You still felt you weren't thinking straight, after all, instead of thinking that it was best to shack up with Ace and Deuce, your feet instead led you to Leona.

The arrogant prince who looked as if he were completely apathetic to your situation as if your very presence outside of his dorm room was an utter annoyance. And to hold yourself accountable? It probably was. No one wants to share their room after all, especially when the person in question had no clue when their new potential guest would be leaving.

But at the same time? It wasn't like you wanted to be begging either!

"Hm," Was the first noise that Leona made as his tail flicked side to side, scratching his chin. "What do I get out of lettin' you stay 'ere?" The beastman couldn't help the smirk that graced his already handsome features as an immediate furious expression took over your face.

"What the hell do you mean 'What do I get out of it'?!" You said in a mocking imitation of the prince's voice.

Leona then frowned before yawning. "Well now...that's no way to speak to someone you're asking to live with—" Before he could close the door, you quickly stopped it with your hand before you huffed. You took a brief moment to gather yourself, to suck in your pride and reaffirm in your head that there were no other options, no other people you could think willing enough to bend (or flat out ignore) the rules and let you stay in their dorm room for a little while.

Once done, you exhale through your nose before sighing. "What...do you want?"

The prince smirked, now you were playing his game.

Leona wasn't blind.

Despite the two of you not being on the very best of terms, constantly bickering whenever you both saw one another and having an unspoken rivalry of sorts. Be it in some of your classes together, who had the most biting words that day, or even you two simply getting in the way of each other! You two didn't like each other except...

Leona somewhat liked you. Enough to where he periodically had lustful thoughts about you from time to time that is. As he continued to think to himself, he thought about how great it would be to first have the only girl at this school. To make you his own personal toy, not that it would be an easy battle that is.

You'd ultimately call the shots, and he would simply have to keep your attention.

Something that he would easily achieve. "For me being so gracious to allow you to even think of staying in my dorm—" Your eyes widened a little when the prince leaned forward a little. And oh...how you hated how he smelled so good, expensive cologne mixed with a distinct wild smell that you couldn't pinpoint. But, you tried to keep your head afloat, the last thing you could afford was to allow your mind to be clouded.

You absolutely refused it.

"—how about you service me?" You visibly flinched at the idea.

"...You're not talking about an innocent back massage, are you?"

His silence was your answer.

And you hated to admit that the idea appealed to you, even if it was just slightly. Never once had you thought that the prince was ugly. Maybe in personality, sure but looks-wise? He was very attractive, as princely as the definition came, but to sleep with him? Just for a place to stay? She didn't know if she could convince herself to do that!

"What if I say no?" You mumbled.

He responded with a shrug. "Then I won't pressure you. I'm not so cruel as to let a woman roam around at night with no place to go." He said with a deep purr that made your very body reverberate. "But, something tells me that you won't say no."

You sighed, looking away for a moment before looking back up at him.

Although you didn't give him a verbal response, the prince saw your answer as clear as day in your eyes and thus, moved to the side to allow you into his room to which you immediately started to look around, only offering Leona a scoff once you finished your visual tour of where you'd be staying for some time until you came up with a plan to get Ramshackle back.

"Your room is messy." You said, eliciting a 'tsk' from the prince as he closed his door and stood back, giving you room to overlook his room.

"I take it this is a more than adequate place for you to sleep?" He questioned.

You nodded your head. "I can just sleep on the floor—"

"You'll sleep on the bed," He sighed, walking past you. "If you're sensitive about sleeping so close to a man then put a pillow between us. I'm not moving from my own bed."

You rolled your eyes with an annoyed grumble. "I'm not trying to kick you from your bed, nor am I sensitive about sleeping next to a man!"

Leona merely rolled his eyes as he strolled up to you before placing a hand on your shoulder, and he smirked at how you flinched as he slowly stalked around you until he stood behind you. The smell of your nervousness was clear, and even if his nose didn't function. His ears definitely picked up on it, from your squeaks each time he moved or the way you shuffled around.

Although he would never say it out loud...with how pretty you were, he assumed you to be more than familiar with the touch of a man.

Clearly, though, his assumptions were incorrect.

"So nervous lioness...never thought I'd see the day." He chuckled.

"S-Shut up," You hissed in response. "Just get this over with..."

Leona's brow rose. "I'm not into taking advantage of women. If you're not comfortable with me touching you then tell me." When you looked over your shoulder, his breath hitched at the sight of how fast the blood rushed to his cock. The arousing sight of you looking up at him through your eyelashes, your eyes darkened ever so slightly from growing lust. It was driving him insane.

"I need verbal responses," Leona's snapped you from your thoughts. "Can I touch you? I won't go any farther than that." He said, his hand still planted firmly on your shoulder to accentuate his point that he wouldn't make any sudden movements unless you said so.

You nodded your head. "S-Sure..."

At your consent, he was meticulous about where he touched.

First, he started with your arms, rubbing his hands up and down as he silently committed the feeling to memory. Smooth, almost...doughy in a way. And some parts of your skin were freckled as well. 'Cute.' He thought before he moved over to touch your backside. He ignored the whisper in his head that told him to teasingly slip a finger underneath a sleeve or perhaps underneath your skirt, instead, his tail flicked at the feeling of your curves.

And when he trailed his way back up to your shoulder, he poked at the back of your neck with his claw.

You squeaked at the contact. "So jumpy."

"Fuck you," He snorted in response. "Are curses all you have to say to me? If I'm observing you correctly—" You sucked in a breath when Leona's hands trailed over to your chest, touching at prodding at your mounds while he steadily got closer and closer to you until he was pressed up against your backside and...you felt his hard-on against your ass.

A shaky sigh left your lips. "So soft..." He whispered in your ear. "Bet they're even softer without these clothes."

"Stop being crude." You panted out.

The prince smirked. "Did you know us beastmans have enhanced senses?" He asked, changing the subject as he licked up the shell of your ear, tearing a shakey moan from you as you started to unconsciously buck up against the prince's hard-on, causing him to groan at the contact but nonetheless continue speaking and feeling you up. "I can smell your arousal, how needy you are for me despite trying to hide it."

"T-That's not—Ahh..."

Now this was something he would love to hear every single day.

Those breathless shy moans of yours, coupled with the sight of you unconsciously bucking into his hard-on and making it near irresistible to ask you if the two of you could go farther than this. If you'd allow him to taste you next, finger your cute pussy, or perhaps fuck you. But...he wasn't about to let you slip through his fingers just because he couldn't control his urges.

"L-Leona...fuck—"

"What is it?" He purred against your ear. "Want me to touch you somewhere else...?"

You sucked your bottom lip in, your panties were absolutely soaked as you continued to squirm against Leona's hold. Your control was slipping fast, you didn't know how long you'd be able to hold on before you'd say something you knew you would regret later on! And there were too many times when you wanted to ask him to stop, slow down, and let you catch your breath, anything! But...as Leona's hands began to untuck your shirt from your skirt and slide his hands up and underneath, the tickle from his claws dragged slowly upward toward your breasts making you buckle and flinch.

You broke.

Hard.

"P-Please..." You didn't know what you were begging for exactly but, the small word made the lion beastman's ears perk all the same before he snickered.

"A simple please doesn't get a prince to do what you want, be more specific."

"Y-You fucker—" You inhaled sharply when Leona gently pinched your nipples, silencing you effectively as a smirk crept onto his handsome features.

"What was that?" He asked.

You took another breath in and exhaled out shakily before you gulped. "D-Down there...please."

"What? Your pussy? Is it aching for my touch?" He asked with a devilish smirk as you nodded your head, even going so far as to try and press your ass into his crotch further. Cruelly, however, Leona forcefully stopped you with a quick yet light swat against the side of your thigh. "Then ask me like you're begging a royal. Do it or you'll have to settle. C'mon...you can do it."

You looked at the beastman over your shoulder once more, your eyes clouded over with lust whilst your lips were shiny and wet from you constantly licking your lips. "...P-Prince Leona," You started. "C-Can you touch me...there my pussy..."

Leona nearly grinned ear-to-ear from his victory before he sighed. "I would but—" Your eyes widened in confusion immediately when Leona slipped his hands from me, your form shaking as if you were left suddenly in the cold as the lion beastman walked to the other side of his room to grab his bag. "—I have class, Ruggie will chew my ear off if I miss this class for the fifth time this month."

You swore that you saw red at that moment. "Y-You fucker...y-you did that on purpose!" You screamed.

"What? To ask you to ask me something nicely?"

"You—"

"Calm down," He clicked his tongue. "You live with me now, remember? I'll touch your needy cunt when I get back." He said, flicking you in the forehead before he turned to walk out the door, leaving you to stand there in both shock and frustration.

You really needed to find a way to get Ramshackle back.

Fast.

[strawberrygummiess]

pink in the night.

malleus x gender neutral! reader 1k words cross posted on ao3 "At one point, Malleus believed he woke up to see the night sky. But now he was convinced he woke up to see you."

 Malleus believes he wakes up to see the stars.

The night sky was truly a gift from Mother Nature herself. She throws a blanket of darkness over the scenery of Night Raven College, with speckles of starlight peeking through, almost like a homemade, crocheted quilt. She tucks in her children with chaste kisses of the night breeze and leaves a little moonlight to ease their fears of the unknown. It was a tranquil showcase of her love for the world and Malleus couldn’t help but mischievously sneak out of bed to see the beauty in her work.

"Ever the poet," Lilia would always remark. Malleus never really agreed. The poetry wrote itself; he only verbalized what he saw. He wasn’t the creative type, he decided. It wasn’t that he sought and found beauty in unconventional places, like a certain Pomefiore Vice Houswarden, it’s only that he recognized what was clearly in front of him. Although, the presence of the Ramshackle Prefect made him consider singing sonnets from the rooftops.

You had been a surprise for him on his nightly walks. He had come to expect the usual landmarks on campus, broken up by the occasional scurrying creature. But you- you were something completely unexpected. A new student, naively curious. Kind, warm, fearless. You were ignorant of who he was; being from another world (how lucky for him!) left him with endless possibilities. With you, he was no longer Malleus Draconia, the crown prince of Briar Valley, and one of the most powerful mages in the world. He was-

“Tsunotarou! Or Hornton. Your choice… never mind, I’ll just use both.”

Malleus replayed that night over and over. How could he not? This was it. A friend. He wasn’t being presumptuous, it was you who gave him a nickname (not that you had a choice of course, but you gave him two) you who joined him on his walks, you who listened to his rambles, you, you. Clearly, you wanted to befriend him. Who else would be this forward?

At one point, Malleus believed he woke up to see the night sky. But now he was convinced he woke up to see you.

This was the conclusion he came to after tonight’s walk with you. You led the conversation this time. You spoke about the adventures you were dragged into; your frustrations with your feline companion and Headmaster Crowley; and how much you enjoyed the night walks with him.

Wait, what?

“Tsunotarou? Hello?” You dragged out the “o” in an endearingly casual manner, stepping in front of him as you tried to ground him back into the moment.

“You in there? Were you listening to me?” You teased, crossing your arms and smiling. You tilted your head to the side as you tried to read his face. He felt entirely exposed; like you could hear his beating heart and see how enamored he was by you. You, however, wished he’d give you a clue about how he was feeling.

“Of course I was, Child of Man,” He responded calmly. He hoped his butterfly-filled stomach didn’t betray his voice. Your favorite part of the day was the walks with him. He’d never been so ecstatic. “I always listen to you,”

You don’t say anything. You continue smiling and narrow your eyes, still looking for something else. Your expression mirrors one Lilia would use before he scolded him. Were you truly mad at him? He could (and would, if you asked) recall everything you said in the past half hour. He would prove that he was listening, deserving of your presence, a good friend- more if you let him. Malleus would literally move mountains if you asked.

“Hey! You’re doing it again, Hornton. Get out of your head.”

Your touch is electrifying. It almost burns. He hears you exclaim about “how cold” his skin is, but only vaguely. What he did notice, was how your hand was holding his face. A concerned look replaced your teasing smile as you studied him. You mumbled again about how cold he was, and pressed your other hand to his forehead, brushing under his bangs.

“If you were sick, why did you walk over here? Now you’ve made it worse!” You scolded, bringing him closer to your height as you gently rubbed his cheeks, attempting to warm him up. “At this rate, you’ll freeze. I mean seriously, you’re as cold as ice!”

Malleus had half a mind to tell you that he was completely fine. He wasn’t sick at all, fae just ran a bit cold. Colder than what a human could stand. Yet he decided to entertain your doting, smiling slightly.

“I apologize, Child of Man. I didn’t want to ruin your favorite part of the day. Do forgive me,” It was his turn to tease. Just a little. It wouldn’t hurt to indulge in your attention. You click your tongue, before releasing his head and declaring the walk “over”. Pity. He was hoping you’d hold him for a bit longer. He usually wasn’t very tolerant of the heat, but he was happy to withstand it if it meant you held him longer.

“C’mon Tsunotarou,” You announce, walking back in the direction you came. “We gotta go back to my dorm. I’ll wrap you in a blanket burrito and feed you some tuna soup…” you cringe. “It tastes better than it sounds, promise.” You clarify, before decisively grabbing his hand and gently tugging him forward.

He listens to you explain different ways you’ve learned to transform canned tuna because of Grim, to varying success. You once again reassure him that the soup is one of the better creations, before continuing your rant about “missing regular meat,” and “tuna isn’t even the best fish!” but at this point, Malleus can only focus on the warm grip of your hand on his and the constant hammering of his heart.

Oh, the poems he’d write about you. They’d feature tales of fish and ice, comparisons to the peace of the night, and love letters from the starry sky. But really, he wouldn’t be doing much work. He only verbalized the beauty he saw, after all.

[ineffable-suffering]

The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie

Otherwise known as (*takes a deep breath*): A completely inflated close-up look at various dialogues and events of Season 2 that prove that the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Meeting Cotillion Ball was supposed to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley

Look, the point's been made before but that's never kept me from making it myself again, still. In fact, even I made it before, at the end of one of my other metas. But I feel like it's absolutely worthy enough to get its own soppy, way-too-long post. And I do love it so very much to write ridiculously long essays on something that could easily be condensed into a short paragraph.

So, here we go! Snuggle up, get cozy, settle in and, most importantly:

(Word count: 3.177 | Reading time: ~13 minutes)

As I already said above, I laid out a similar case in my meta about why Aziraphale is somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I'll try and recycle it here briefly, so I can further make my point.

When Aziraphale arrives back in London from his Edinburgh journey, he seems oddly happy and giddy for the fact that he just had a rather odd and threatening encounter with Shax. I explain in my other meta that this is because he just spent the last hours of his drive reminiscing on the thrilling and romantic magic show adventure of 1941 and also the fact that he just found out that Crowley has been replaced by Shax and no longer works for Hell.

Ergo: We have a hopelessly lovesick Principality at our hands, who's practically swooning over his serpent who saved him, his books and his magic show all those years ago.

Ergo:

✨This✨

Realistically, Aziraphale should probably be a tad worried about the eery encounter with Shax, in which she definitely had the upper hand on him. But well, if you spend many-a hours driving across the serene countryside (Edinburgh is about an 8-hour drive from London), pondering on one of the craziest, sticky-sweet romantic adventures of your not-life life, well ... things tend to turn a little rosy around the edges. Head in the clouds and all that. Light shades of grey!

Alright, onwards: Once the angel, filled to the very brim with fond memories and butterflies, gets out of the Bentley, he's kindly met with a face full of verdant plants and a very in-character-grumpy Crowley.

Fhwack! Way to burst the rosy bubble.

Seriously, the absolute lightning speed with which Crowley storms out to vacate the bookshop the very second Aziraphale arrives makes me giggle every time.

Let's make a first small (who am I kidding) diversion into analysing the following conversation in unnecessary detail ...

... simply because I enjoy quoting dialogue as an accurate reference in my metas. I'll also highlight certain passages I want to comment on in individual colours so I can back up my thoughts with them below. Alright, their little chinwag goes as follows:

Crowley: "They you are! I was worried something might have happened to you." Aziraphale: "No, nothing happened to me. Very uneventful journey indeed. No strange things at all." Crowley: "Good. That's what we wanna hear." Aziraphale: "Um .. everything okay with- ah.." *nods to the bookshop* Crowley: "Oh, yeah, fine. He's singing to himself. I think he must have been asleep. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom–" Crowley, to the Bentley: "Did you miss me? I bet you did." Aziraphale: "... I'm sure it did." Crowley: "So, any more clues from the mystery of the missing archangel?" Aziraphale: "Not exactly. Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something." Crowley: "I'm sure you are. Oh, by the way, the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout." Aziraphale: "Sorry?" Crowley: "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed, it's your go." Aziraphale: "I see. Well then, Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Monthly Meeting, here we come!" Crowley: "You're really hosting the meeting?" Aziraphale: "Absolutely! And I can guarantee you, it will be a night to remember."

At first glance, this has little to do with the plot of this meta but actually, it folds into my point very nicely! However, it's not time for that yet, so we'll just state the facts as they are for now and then bring them back 'round later when we need them. That being said: For the love of Someone, will these two ever manage to simply tell each other the truth of what happened instead of thinking they can protect each other by lying about it all the time? Hrmpf. As a big fan of open communication myself, I'm close to developing a stomach ulcer with the amount of false truths being spewed here. (Then again – and yes, that is another, way larger meta I'm currently cooking up – it plays so very perfectly into the whole Jane-Austen-Pride-and-Prejudice tragic miscommunication theme that this entire Season has, so I understand the point of it.)

Very uneventful journey indeed, Aziraphale, except for the fact that you were ambushed by a demon who told you she was Crowley's successor, knows about the rumors of the two of you being an item as well as what went down in 1941 (that almost had both of you exposed) and also seems to have figured out where you and your demon boyfriend are hiding Gabriel, all in the span of about a minute. No strange things at all, nooo!

And Crowley's "Oh yeah, fine" is a total lie too. Again, we see him make an absolute run for it before Aziraphale can even enter the bookshop. After all, he just once again witnessed Jim have a Gabriel-flashback, speaking of the Second Coming, while Crowley was alone with him. As fumingly angry he is with the amnesiac archangel – he's also absolutely terrified of what might happen (to him and Aziraphale) should Jim regain his memories. So, no wonder he's quick to vacate the premises after witnessing Jim's rather eery memory flashback (and was, just like Aziraphale, threatened by Shax mere moments later, lol).

But no, nothing out of the ordinary happened to either of them. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-fucking-boo.

Alright, let's get back on track with the actual topic of this meta. Certainly hot on the trail of something, hm? At first glance, it might seem like Aziraphale is talking about the fact that Gabriel was in company of someone whenever he went to the Resurrectionist Pub. (The clue!) However, I don't actually think he is talking about that. Why? Because, and this slipped my mind too at first, he never actually follows any of this information up, does he? Yes, sure, he went to Edinburgh, found the capital-c Clue and then returned to London. But what does he do with it? Nothing. He doesn't keep investigating this hot trail because that's not the important thing he realized during his journey. No, the more important clue Aziraphale found during his trip, is that Crowley no longer works for Hell and that he is also very much irrevocably in love with him and must confess this at the earliest given chance. (The latter part isn't necessarily a new discovery for Aziraphale, but it surely is fuelled by the fact that he just realized Crowley's out of a Hellish job and simply hasn't told him yet.)

This exchange just the perfect indicator for the fact that Aziraphale, at no point during his drive back, was thinking about the Maggie and Nina mission. He has no idea what Crowley is talking about once he mentions it and seems surprised, even, that he would. Even though they just talked about it on the phone when Aziraphale was still at the graveyard. Which is another important piece of evidence because it means that the last status update Aziraphale got of Mission Lovebirds, was that Crowley had sensed an opportunity to make them fall in love – and had then hung up on him. Why is this important? Because it means that until that very point of their conversation, Aziraphale did not know that Crowley's attempt had failed! There would have been just as much of a chance of Crowley's weather miracle actually working out and Maggie and Nina already having skipped into the sunset happily ever after.

So, riddle me this:

Why would Aziraphale spend the entire ride back from Edinburgh plotting "a night to remember" (because clearly, he already had the entire Ball planned out down to a T in his head since he goes into action right away after arriving) if he didn't even know yet that Crowley's attempt had failed?

To be very clear here: We're not talking about Aziraphale driving on the M1 to London, having a silly little idea for putting on some good music, miracle-ing Nina and Maggie to dance to it and watch them confess their love–

No.

He planned an entire actual Cotillion Ball with very particular location design that involves re-arranging the entire bookshop, specifically designed individual outfits for (almost) every single attendee, topped off with a live band, hors-d'œuvre, drinks and an actual choreographed group dance.

During one car ride.

Where's the party planner Aziraphale AU? I'm waiting!

Now, sure, we know that it's still quite important for Aziraphale to convince Heaven of the faux-reason they gave for their accidental ✨25-Lazarii miracle✨. But if we're all honest, this all seems to be a tad much just to make two random humans fall in love, even for that.

Glittery ball gowns and suits? Red and gold wall curtains? A modified language filter? Bloody vol-au-vents?

Talk about over the top ...

Once we start S2E5, Crowley is still surprised at the mere fact that Aziraphale is actually planning to organize the Monthly Meeting – and he doesn't even know yet that it's gonna be the most extravagant ball-boogaloo that the Whickber Street Community has ever seen! Aziraphale wanting to organize the meeting alone, is enough to render Crowley incredulous, because Aziraphale never mingles with the other shopkeepers. He usually actively avoids them and any sort of social encounters as much as he can because he doesn't care about the bloody Christmas lights, alright?

These things seem mundane and uninteresting to him, obviously, since all he really cares about is hoarding his book collection in peace like the little hedonist he is and drawing as little attention as possible to his none-business business.

Oh, right, speaking of books:

Let's take another unnecessarily detailed look at the whole Whickber Street invitation scene:

Aziraphale realizes very quickly that he's not the only one who's quite unenthusiastic about the blessed Chritsmas lights. And despite his very persuasive methods of temptation ...

... he has to take some more drastic measurements. And those are?

That's right: Giving away his books.

I'll repeat it again, slowly: Aziraphale is willingly (!) giving away or lending his books to pretty much complete strangers to, allegedly, make two other humans strangers fall in love.

Seriously, who is that angel and what has he done with our prim, fussy, hedonistic Aziraphale that protects his books with the vice grip of an eagle carrying his precious prey?

Believe in the importance of Mission Lovebirds as much as you will, but we're talking about Mr. A.Z. Fell here who, over the past millennia, has pretty much spent every day actively working out methods to stop people from purchasing as much as a single paperback from his holy shelves.

And yet: the 1965 September Dr. Who Annual? Given away. The first edition of Expert at the Card Table that was S. W. Erdnase's personal copy? Lent away to grubby human hands to fondle around with.

Let's do another coloured dialogue diversion (don't worry, it's not as extensive as the last one):

Crowley: "You just did what I think you did?" Aziraphale: "I'm not prepared to talk about it." Crowley: "You gave away a book." Aziraphale: "I had to! Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet."

Crowley backs up my point: This is a huge deal. Aziraphale does not sell his books – let alone give them away for free. We're all shocked! Flabbergasted!

And the explanation Crowley and us get just ... doesn't satisfy. Something and someone sure is depending on this Ball and doesn't know it yet. But it's most definitely not Maggie and Nina, folks.

You know for whom Aziraphale would give away his books in the blink of an eye, though?

Mhm, that's right.

This pretty old serpent.

I want to take a minute to show you the reaction again that Aziraphale has upon entering the very same magic shop him and Crowley went to in 1941 to acquire the Bullet Catch:

You ... you need a minute there, angel? You're sure looking a little ... affected.

And I mean, well, no wonder. He reminisced about that very memory four hours last night. To him, this shop is where the most turbulent, ecstatic, adrenaline-fuelled and romantic night of his life began. And it shows.

I've made my point in my other meta series about how Aziraphale is an incredibly nostalgic character. He romanticizes so many things in his memories – especially the parts that feature Crowley. So, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's once again willing to loosen the tight grip he has on his book collection to get the successor of Will Goldstone's Magic Shop, the shop that started it all for him, to come to his fancy Ball.

As we watch Aziraphale and his little lap dog demon pat around Soho, I'd like to take another second to point out that he goes to seven or more establishments before he even invites Nina.

... and he only does so because she starts talking to them on the street. Almost like he'd forgotten about it. Why not ask her at the very beginning? To establish whether or not he'd have to book-blackmail her too?

"Perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind", except that he's using you and Maggie as a pretence to resolve his own clusterfuck of a relationship-miscommunication Jane-Austen-style so that he can then hopefully confess his undying love to his demon not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Marvellous!

You'll forgive me another short diversion but my God, the whole exchange at the Marguerite's restaurant with Crowley literally cat-call-whistling Aziraphale over to him (and Aziraphale checking if he meant someone else first, I–)? I am weak. So, so weak and

However, this is also when we get a snippet of Crowley finally revealing the truth in place of his "Oh, he's fine"-lie earlier and telling Aziraphale that he's actually pretty scared Jim might turn back into Gabriel and smite him altogether. And Aziraphale's response is, in a cosmic sense, (remember the pink paragraph now) so hilarious:

"Have you thought of just talking to him?"

Yeah, have you? Have any of the two of you? Just thought about talking? To each other? About anything?

'pparently not. But hey, it's all good because remember what the ultimate remedy for star-crossed lovers simply misunderstanding each other is?

Bish, bash, bosh, problem solved!

Back at the ballroom bookshop, Aziraphale sends Crowley to invite Maggie in order to, in my opinion, not spoil the Ball-y surprise for him. (Inviting Maggie only now?! Wouldn't she be one of the only two guests who really should attend? Why the short notice? If she's really that important for the Ball you're planning, hm?)

On top of this, we see Nina almost not attending the Ball meeting after her partner broke up with her and Crowley being the one who coincidentally runs into her and ushers her into the bookshop before Shax and her "legion" of demons start creeping up on them. Again, if this hadn't happened by pure coincidence, Nina would have left to go home and this whole Ball would have taken place without her, rendering the apparent sole purpose of making her fall in love with Maggie useless.

Why doesn't Aziraphale care more for both of them to attend and be there? Why is he instead busy fussing over everything looking perfect and wonderful and doesn't even seem to notice that both Nina and Maggie are really late to the meeting?

Well. Well.

The answer's in the title, babes.

Alas, Crowley safely gets Maggie and Nina to join them, Mr. Brown is the only one who doesn't get a miracled outfit (fussy, petty angel, you just don't like him, do you?), Jimbriel stuns with glamour and flirt (and whatever sexually suggestive thing he does with his cheeks) and the Whickber Street Ball is a-go!

Sorry, I just had to chuck this in again because Crowley's face here absolutely kills me every time. He looks so confused, I am hollering.

And the heart eyes Aziraphale is making at Nina and Maggie now that they're actually here?

Oh, bless it, angel.

He's all like "Oh look, it's working! Jane was right! It's all going to be resolved, all the misunderstanding and quarrels! Crowley, where's Crowley–"

Ah yes, there he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an angel who is not listening to a single word being said right now. No, in his head, Aziraphale is already down on one knee, pouring his heart out to Crowley after they just danced the night away.

Oh, yes, right. The dancing.

Parallel much?

But well, as marvellous and beautifully romantic as her stories tend to be, it turns out that Jane Austen isn't always right after all. Because before we know it, the perfect night shatters into many-a tiny pieces (literally).

And once again, fhwack:

... the rosy bubble bursts.

Let's take one more deep breath so I can make my final point:

In S2E2, Aziraphale explains to us very exactly what Jane's Balls (hrhr) used to be about: Solving miscommunication and confessing love to one another.

During his car journey back from Edinburgh, Aziraphale:

doesn't know Crowley's Mission Lovebirds had failed

remembers 1941 and just how badly he's in love with Crowley

and also realizes that they seem to have been wildly miscommunicating for quite some time now. (Crowley didn't even tell him he basically got let go!)

So, what does maddeningly strong love plus a want to resolve all the miscommunication equal? That's right: A night to remember! A Ball to change it all! A dance, a vol-au-vent, a confession. And, ideally, a happy ever after. Because:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man angel in possession of a good fortune Jane Austen collection, must be in want of a wife demon husband.”

The Ball was never for Nina and Maggie. As a byproduct, maybe, yes. But the whole rest of the glimmer and glamour, the careful, romantic planning and set up of it all, the book-bating the other shopkeepers– that was for Crowley and Crowley only.

And oh, if only it were as easy as in the books.

*whispers* I'm sorry, I had to.

***

Your honour, the tinfoil-hat crackpot defence rests. Feel free to share thoughts (and prayers) if you want to!

Au revoir! 💗

[actual-changeling]

See, but there's something about the first fight in episode 1 that just doesn't really. fit. It very much feels like we are missing information here.

I have been thinking about this show all day, as one does, but in particular why Crowley gets angry enough to shoot literal lightning at a nearby building. We have experienced him upset before, but never to that specific degree, and their disagreement over Gabriel just does not explain it for me.

My hypothesis: a big, important fight happened right before season 2 picks up that left Crowley feeling rejected and Aziraphale neglected.

The biggest clue is the snippet of conversation about myself vs. ourselves.

"I thought we had carved it out for ourselves"

He almost sounds offended when he says that, yet Crowley reacts with equal parts hurt and anger, like he is referencing something that we, the viewer, do not have any knowledge of.

"So did I"

However, Aziraphale seems to understand whatever Crowley is referring to and does not respond with anything in return. Yet whatever wound they just opened keeps bleeding, and when Aziraphale tells him, packaged nicely, to fuck off, Crowley seems more sad than upset to me.

The to go? is almost said softly and with an initial confusion that hides a LOT of unspoken pain. Plus the HAND MOTION? The gesturing between the two of them while saying "oh, so this is how you wanna do this?" - call me insane, but to me that very much sounds like "oh so this is how you want to break up?"

The funny part is, if Aziraphale had simply shut up after saying "I want you to help me take care of him", I can GUARANTEE YOU that Crowley would have begrudgingly agreed. But he doesn't. He keeps going and this is the first moment this season where he is genuinely and truly bitchy.

"But if you won't, you won't" with the demonstrative sit-down and turning away from him, eyes forward. It pokes at whatever wound is still open and bleeding between them. Aziraphale wants Crowley to jump over his shadow and come help him, ignoring his boundaries. Meanwhile Crowley feels fundamentally misunderstood and rejected and wants Aziraphale to SHOW that he cares about Crowley more than he cares about fucking Gabriel of all people.

That he cares about them more than about heaven.

And now we have finally reached Crowley's breaking-point. he is so deeply hurt by what Aziraphale just said and did, choosing heaven over them, that the pain turns into anger because he has no other way of expressing or feeling it in the first place.

You're on your own with this one.

That last look is filled with such disappointed heartbreak, he turns around simply to give Aziraphale a chance to ask him to stay, to apologize, something. Yet again, he does not. He doesn't even meet his gaze, he is looking away.

To me, he seems almost spiteful, like this entire argument is only superficially about Gabriel but about something entirely else deeper down.

Which - that's the point, isn't it?

Crowley comes back and apologizes because Aziraphale matters more to him than stupid arguments or choosing sides, keeping him safe is the only thing he cares about when it comes down to it. He swallows down his hurt and betrayal and does what Aziraphale wants: ignoring the entire argument and pretending nothing ever happened so they can continue like before.

Only that they can't. The entire season shows just how much they cannot go back to their arrangement, no matter how hard Crowley tries to mold himself to Aziraphale's will. Their final argument simply reflects all of that and more. The same wound that first one was about gets reopened very violently and they're bleeding all over each other with no way to stop it because they're too fucking stubborn to admit that it exists in the first place.

Aziraphale and Crowley can only fix their relationship when they acknowledge the reason the rift between them opened up. Until then, Crowley feels truly rejected and Aziraphale feels entirely neglected, and there is nothing anyone can do to make them confront that.

[ctinalk]

Is Crowley already the new Supreme Archangel?

A few oversights made millennia ago, and suddenly we have a demon archangel on our hands.

Caution: I came up with and wrote this in the last few hours so potentially crackpot theory ahead. Apologies if this has been proposed before, it’s not one I’ve seen. And I’ve seen A LOT.

So supposedly the miracle Aziraphale and Crowley performed together was something only the mightiest of archangels could have done. Everyone assumes it was Crowley because they think he was a high ranking Angel formerly. Or that it was the two of them together. Or that Jimbriel amplified it. But what if…

“There is always a supreme archangel”

Michael says this in S2E1 when talking with Uriel about who is in charge now that Gabriel was missing. Gabriel was removed from office in the trial we hear, he’s no longer Supreme Archangel. If so, Michael’s statement would imply that as soon as Gabriel’s removal happened, a new archangel already existed. Now obviously the Metatron is making a show of choosing Aziraphale as the new Supreme Archangel. But is that within his power to do so? Or is he suggesting working with Crowley for a different reason, possibly unknown even to him?

“I am the only first-order archangel in the room, or you know, the universe”

During the “2nd Armageddon-that-wasn’t” discussion, Gabriel says these words. As he says them, it cuts (ominously isn’t the right word here, pointedly maybe?) to Crowley leaning against the desk, and lingers there just a bit too long.

“How do you know it wasn’t me?”

Another clue to the powerful angel Crowley was. It was clearly said in a teasing manner throw Shax off. But much like the barrel of red herring in the intro, is it a red herring to something else?

“Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you?”

The only other time we see someone calling lightning or using it is, you guessed it: Gabriel in S1 on the airbase to port in and out. I’ve read the theory that Angel!Crowley was the lord of lightning, which I’m not opposed to, but to me this is another link.

“Never change their passwords”

We have one HUGE instance of Heaven being sloppy in their record keeping (passwords), and lax in their security protocol (Crowley bopping about with Muriel). Whereas Hell is meticulous in their record keeping, as shown by the bills, admissions process, and S1 contract.

So what if: when Gabriel was stripped of the title, a new Supreme Archangel was automatically appointed. Except instead of someone else, because heaven neglected to double-check their logs after The Fall, Crowley was still on the books as next in line? This would absolutely play into “God playing games with the universe” and “just think what would have happened if we’d been at all competent” themes running through both seasons. It would also follow the theory that people noticed Aziraphale and Crowley were on the “wrong” side for much of the season. It would also explain a few continuity errors along the way (how did Crowley know Muriel’s rank? He knows it through the knowledge automatically given to the Supreme Archangel).

“Funny ol’ world, isn’t it?”

Caveats and potential weaknesses:

I have no idea how this fits into the fact that S3 will be the actual continuation the Neil and Terry planned, as to my knowledge S2 was essentially a “Neil’s chaotic angsty ineffable husbands fanfic”. But clearly S2 has to play well into the plan for S3. I also kind of hate my theory because Crowley specifically declined to be an angel again, and his hand has been forced too often already.

Now I am a staunch advocate of the body-swap theory, and I’m not sure how this would play into that. Does Metatron know? Does he think he has the power to appoint? Does he think the title went to Aziraphale because of the miracle? Does he try to get Crowley to come back with Aziraphale to exploit his power? Does he know about the body swap in S1 and if so, was he trying to trigger another one to get the right “soul” to heaven?

There are a few other things I haven’t figured out how to incorporate into this post yet. I’ll try to put them into coherent thoughts in the next few days, but thought I’d throw this to the wolves universe for the time being.

Thought 1: “How have your lot managed to stay in charge all this time?” “I’m not so sure we have.”

Thought 2: I need to do (another) rewatch before I nail this one down (such a sacrifice I tell you), but does Crowley have a visceral reaction like he does in S1 to being called “good” in the current, post Gabriel-removal timeset? Obv in Edinburgh/Job, but that’s in the past. He denies it, sure (with Jim), but he straight up flashes a smile and thanks Mrs. Sandwich when she says “You’re a good lad” (after the denial).

2.1: No one calls him “good” in present day except these two instances. Vast difference in the visceral reactions of season 1 and flashbacks.

Thought 3: Crowley is the only one who can trigger Jimbriel’s recall memory.