#cringe but he says so many cringy things it just fits him

[cannibalovers]

I just personally think that Will has a collection of hats like these for any situation ever just hidden away somewhere

[okwritingandpain]

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da: The Beatles x Reader

Chapter 25 (The Paul Ending)

"Who first?" Paul asked, tapping the book.

Who did she want to see? There was Ringo, George, and John, but she felt that there was something that she needed to do first. 

"You." She said, rubbing her arms for comfort. She had felt bad for Paul...he had lost many people in his life and she failed not losing herself the first time. Once things were fixed then everything was perfect for him, right? John and her had started something in the past, but she knew Paul had liked her too. Even George, but...she had to make it up to him. 

"Me?" Paul asked, confused. "Why would you want to see me? Haven't you seen me enough?" He gave a small smile as his words faded. He looked as if he was fighting back the urge to say something. Something important that he just couldn't say no matter how much he wanted to. He turned to a blue door that was covered in riding gear and horseshoes. Y/N gripped the scrapbook tightly and walked over to the door he had looked at. Paul frowned and followed her. She opened the door to reveal a mesmerizing sight of the countryside. While it wasn't a large area, it was certainly impressive. Two horses were eating hay in a small stable next to the door. 

"You have to be F****** joking!" She freaked, "You have a whole stable and..." Paul was taken aback by her language. He was not used to her speaking this way. 

"Uh...yeah. It's a hobby and all." He said with a nervous smile. Y/N couldn't believe her eyes and based off of Paul's reaction he couldn't believe her reaction. 

"That's so cool! We can go over your scrapbook pages and ride horses!" She cheered, opening the book as she tried to find Paul's page. 

"Have you ridden horses before?" He asked, nervously. 

"A little when I was younger." She replied as Paul grabbed the book from her. 

"Here we are." He said, handing the book back. The section was called, "On the run with Paul and Y/N" which was a bit cringy in her opinion, but sweet nonetheless. There were pictures of Paul and the band during Beatlemania along with pictures that consisted of Y/N and her apartment. They mostly featured her and the other band members more than Paul...mostly because he was the one taking the pictures. 

"This is amazing." She smiled, looking over what felt like thousands of pictures. Paul chuckled as he walked over to one of the horses and petted its sides.

"That's years of work for you, luv." He said, retrieving a saddle from the stable. "You want to go for a ride?" He motioned to the horse and Y/N's face lit up  with excitement.

"Really?" She asked, closing the book and running over to the stable. She quickly retrieved the saddle and watched Paul put the saddle on his horse. Y/N tried to replicate it best she could. Paul ended up having to help her, but she shrugged it off as she finally got the chance to actually ride the horse. She had the largest smile as she rode on the horse. 

"How is it?" Paul asked, watching her steer the horse. It had been a while and her riding skills were definetly rusty. 

"Wonderful!" She replied with a grin. Paul just smirked as he led the horse over the countryside. Y/N still didn't know how this was possible, but why care? It was cool! Everything was as calming as a cool spring shower. It felt as if the world was at peace just for a moment. Y/N thought about the scrapbook and how she longed for the old days. The days when they all were living normal lives out in Liverpool. Paul hummed to himself as they looked out across the land. "What are you humming?" She asked. 

"Maybe I'm Amazed." He replied. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time..." She sang, making Paul cringe.  

"You don't have to sing that, Y/N." He acted embarrassed. 

"Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time. You hung me on a line..." She sang it softer than Paul did. She thought it fit better for the mood and Paul still looked like he was trying to block out her song. When had he become so embarrassed by singing. Paul's face began to fade as he looked younger again. "Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..." She stopped singing as she didn't want him to suffer more. He sighed. 

"Maybe I'm a man. Maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something..." He added, reluctantly. He couldn't deny the smile spreading on his face though. 

"That he really doesn't understand..." She laughed as his face turned red like a tomato.

"Maybe I'm a man. And maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me. Baby, won't you help me understand?" He sang louder and prouder. His confidence seemed to be building as the Paul Y/N remembered came back. She then let out a chuckle. 

"No." She simply said. Paul looked taken aback for a moment before catching on to what she meant. 

"You're a sly one." He smirked, turning back towards the stables. He looked down at his hands and let out a gasp. "My hands..." He muttered. 

"Yeah, guess who's younger again." She said, nervously. It was still nerve racking to see Paul young again. It was natural, but still very unnatural at the same time. 

"What are we going to do!" He freaked, "This isn't how it's supposed to be! Is the timeline even more messed up!?" Paul began to panich which made his horse start to panic. 

"Paul, calm down." Y/N reassured, noticing the horses discomfort. "Get off the horse--" Paul jumped off the horse. He almost fell, which would have been scary if he was still old. The horse ran back towards the stable and Y/N shook her head with a laugh. "Calm down! Don't worry about that right now. We'll fix it if we need to." 

"If we need to to?" 

"Did I stutter?" She smirked and he shook his head. 

"What am I going to do with you?" 

"What are you amazed?" She held back her laugh as he let out a chuckle. 

"Maybe I am amazed." He replied, motioning for her to follow him back to the stable. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time. Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you." She continued singing to herself. Paul kept glancing back at her.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song. Right me when I'm wrong..." He helped her off the horse and she smiled at him. 

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..." She kissed him on the lips which made his eyes grow large. He let out a chuckle. 

"I didn't quite expect that, luv." He blushed, "Thank you for everything." 

"No, thank you." She hugged him. Paul embraced her and she felt at ease again. Everything had come full circle and it made the experience worth being there. Who knows what more could be in store. Who knows what lies ahead. Either way she was happy to be with Paul and he was happy to be with her. 

[erithel]

i wouldn't go that far to say who it is but can't say i was surprise; still disappointed. I also think the fandom kind of just doesn't like that lance acts/is a teenager with regular teenager cringe and dumbassry and teenage feelings while they love keith for being ~mature~ and ~adult~. There's too many "lance provokes while keith is minding his business and now k feels depressed" statements that ignore keith giving shit back, instigating and being just as much as a cringe lord as lance.

The sad part, here, is that the difference in mindsets at the beginning of the show between Keith and Lance is one of the reasons they are so interesting to me.

It's not just that Lance is a teenager while Keith is mature.

It's that Lance is a teenager, and Keith is a soldier.

Lance is thinking about his family and homework and stuff a normal kid his age would be thinking about, and Keith is ready to put everything into this cause he just found out about.

This doesn't make Lance any less of a character. It doesn't make him cringy or a dumbass.

It just - and hear me out on this one -

means Lance hasn't experienced death. And Keith has.

At the beginning of the show, Lance doesn't have a grasp on the concept of permanence because it's not a thing kids who grow up in relatively safe, happy situations think about.

I would also like to add that my personal take and headcanon on the whole Lance provoking Keith thing is that (and I literally have this in a fic, I believe) Lance is so empathetic to the situation, he notices that Keith doesn't really join in unless provoked a lot of the time.

He's trying to make sure Keith is included, and for a while, the only way he knows how to do that is by antagonizing him.

Just my personal take, but I think it fits Lance's character very well.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I read your review and listened to the album while getting ready this morning. Didn’t wake up for it, I’m done sacrificing my sleep for BTS, lol. I wasn’t expecting much because I knew it wasn’t for me, as I didn’t like Seven, 3D AND Too Much, lol basically none his collabs made it for me. Which, the album confirmed — both 3D and Seven are skips for me, I just can’t stand those songs.

That being said, I’m pleasantly surprised by some songs. I personally LOVE the sound of Standing Next To You, the 80s vibe! It’s a bit of deja vu as this trend has been going on for a while now but it’s right up my alley! Though I have to say it’s a tad bit too MJ-esque. I love MJ’s music, but it’s hard to make music inspired by him that isn’t too obviously inspired by him, if you know what I mean. But the sound suits my taste. That’s probably the song I’ll listen to the most. I could probably add Somebody and Shot Glass of Tears to my playlist as well. As for the rest, nothing special, maybe some songs will grow on me after some time?

The problem I have with the whole album is partly the sound — too generic, too mainstream pop, too much inspiration going all over the place, we’ve heard those songs over and over again, they’re well produced and catchy so it works but there’s not an ounce of novelty — partly the lyrics. I’m much more demanding for songs written in English (even though it’s not even my first language) than I am for songs in Korean. I’m not asking for poetry and deep meaning necessarily but it has to sound right, and in that department the album lacks a lot. For many tracks I noticed that, while I was warming up to the sound after a while, some lyrics just ended up toning down my enjoyment because they’re either way too basic or cringe (but I know I’m very picky when it comes to lyricism, I find so many songs so cringy, I’m probably just annoying) or they just don’t fit/sound right for me. I wouldn’t say it ruins the whole thing but I have to get myself accustomed and forced myself to not pay attention to it… For songs in Korean, I always read the translations and explanations about the songs but as my Korean is still pretty basic it doesn’t play a huge part when I listen to music in the language. I might become more demanding and hard to please as my level in the language increases (hopefully, I have to work hard).

Overall Golden is a bit better than I expected but not my cup of tea so while I’ve added a few songs to my playlist I probably won’t listen to the whole album a lot. Along with Layover, it’s the weakest in chapter 2 for me. But I’m impressed by Jungkook’s vocals, he really did challenge himself and worked on new techniques. I might not like the way he sings on several tracks but I can hear he worked hard on it. I love Jungkook so much, I feel a bad for being too harsh on him. And I appreciate his sincerity while talking about Golden, admitting that it was just not the right moment for a personal album, that he just went with the flow. I might not like the direction he took but at least he’s being honest about it. [How the fuck does it relate to his "golden moments" though? Hybe really just writes whatever for the album descriptions…]

Finally, about the MV… meh. Again, it’s nothing special? The outfit with the waistcoat is nice but not outstanding, it looks good on him, as for the rest? nope. That abandoned place in Hungary looks so impressive on pics but the MV doesn’t give it justice, they could have shot it in a studio using AI it wouldn’t have made a huge difference. The choreo, the photography — again, the 80s and MJ inspiration is a bit too much. Jungkook’s expressions are too exaggerated, it made me laugh lol sorry. He’s way hotter when he’s smiling and showing his goofy and cute sides rather than acting all tough. His Tik Tok challenges with LeSserafim and TXT were perfect in that sense, cute and sassy looks waaaay better on him, it makes him look so freaking attractive and powerful. The ‘mafia boss’ look suits Yoongi much better in my opinion. But I understand many fans like it on Jungkook, it’s how they want him to be. To each their own.

Overall the album is okay but nothing impressive, definitely some skips for me but I’m relieved there’s a few songs I really appreciate. I’m happy for Jungkook but I doubt this is an album we’ll remember in the future. I hope I’m not being rude. I wish people would also stop with the superlatives — breaking the industry, album of the year, mind blowing… everything is blown out of proportion, and coming from productors and people who collaborated on the album it’s just a marketing tactic for promotion but it’s getting annoying and it sounds fake. But I guess it’s fandom culture… Anyway, I’ll let it rest a few days to see if I change my mind and end up liking more songs. I’m happy Jungkook is satisfied, it’s nice seeing him happy.

Sorry this is way too long and I keep repeating myself!

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my review after listening to the album. That's really sweet!

I agree a lot on SNTY. I've heard the song a few times now. It's pretty catchy and powerful, but the MJ vocals at the end ruin the ending. It also ends really abruptly with an outro that sounds like a bridge. It's confusing when the song ends just like that. Many songs these days are like that. I think no song in Golden has a bridge? That's probably why I can never tell when the songs are about to end and stop paying attention halfway through.

Somebody is probably my favorite bside, Closer To You stands out because of the chorus, Shot Glass Full of Tears is growing on me, Hate You and Too Sad to Dance are pretty bland, I hate Yes or No, and Please Don't Change is meh and sounds too much like Closer to You. The issue with the album is structure and lack of cohesiveness. The song selection only makes sense after Please Don't Change. Why start with 3D and follow it up with Closer to You? SNTY makes sense after Closer to You, but after Seven? Seven after Closer to You? SNTY after Seven? And then Yes or No after SNTY instead of Seven? Why in the world... The songs also don't feel like Jungkook? I don't know if they will eventually, but I can't hear Jungkook in them. I can hear him in 3D and Seven. Hate You sounds like a song he would cover, but in general it's like they're not really him? SNTY sounds too much like The Weeknd too, especially the vocals, though JK is likely a better singer and sings really well in the song.

I don't even know the lyrics. It's hard to understand him tbh. He did a great job with his English pronunciation, but sometimes his accent is too noticeable. and I also keep spacing when listening to the songs. In SNTY there's a line that's like "left and right something" and makes no sense. And, yes, the songs have all been done before. Seven is by far the most refreshing and original to me actually.

Another issue with Golden is that the songs all feel really short and repetitive. I space out listening to them and before I know it they're over and I can't remember what the middle sounded like. I still can't remember how most of the songs end. I stop paying attention since they're so repetitive. 3D and Seven have bridges, but the other songs don't. Actually, Yes or No has a bridge, kinda, but it's not a good one and it's more like the pre-chorus. Jungkook's high note in that song sounds surprisingly bad. It's so thick and doesn't fit the song at all. So, yeah, most tracks sound unfinished.

Golden is neither worse nor better than what I expected. I think the issues with the album are Jungkook's lack of vision. As he explained, he didn't want to write the songs because he had nothing to say and doesn't love songwriting, so the lyrics are just lyrics, just images, not autobiographical, and apparently about love since it's universal. Thus the album has no message and the songs don't tell a story. He just wanted to try different genres and challenge himself, so the album sounds like a compilation of covers of different artists and less like a pop album. Jungkook's goals were to make a mainstream pop album and try many genres uncaring of messaging and refusing to settle on a specific sound... Imo the album was pretty much bound to feel unfinished and disorganized. It's almost mid by design.

Finally, about the MV… meh. Again, it’s nothing special? The outfit with the waistcoat is nice but not outstanding, it looks good on him, as for the rest? nope. That abandoned place in Hungary looks so impressive on pics but the MV doesn’t give it justice, they could have shot it in a studio using AI it wouldn’t have made a huge difference. The choreo, the photography — again, the 80s and MJ inspiration is a bit too much. Jungkook’s expressions are too exaggerated, it made me laugh lol sorry. He’s way hotter when he’s smiling and showing his goofy and cute sides rather than acting all tough. His Tik Tok challenges with LeSserafim and TXT were perfect in that sense, cute and sassy looks waaaay better on him, it makes him look so freaking attractive and powerful. The ‘mafia boss’ look suits Yoongi much better in my opinion. But I understand many fans like it on Jungkook, it’s how they want him to be. To each their own.

Took the words right out of my mouth!! Yes, the waistcoat look is sexy and very Jungkook - it's kinda sassy and androgynous - but his other looks, particularly the sparkly jacket are crap (and look like Enhypen rejects). I couldn't really put into words what was missing with the MV but it's exactly what you said! They shot the MV at a historical place all the way in Hungary but you can barely tell? All I noticed was a normal stage. They literally could've shot it in a green room and added CGI and I wouldn't have noticed. The MV is also so dark and monotonous? The MJ inspiration is an over kill. The choreo is good, from what I saw, but the MJ grunting and choreo at the end are just frustrating... JK's facial expressions are too exaggerated, thank you for noticing! JK's sexy when he's dancing and naturally makes these powerful and sassy facial expressions, he's naturally sexy when he's not wearing makeup and just chilling, but he was trying too hard in the MV and looked baby more than anything. I think he looks cool in all his TikToks, but sassy JK with LSF is a different kind of attractive haha.

As far as records go, I'm sure Jungkook will set and break them, but the album's nothing special and does not match his talent. He wasn't even sure about releasing it. If Jungkook had had all the time in the world to make an album, would it have sounded like this or would it have been better structured and more personal?

Don't worry, your post isn't too long! Mine is just as long! Thanks for the ask!! I love it when anons share their thoughts in such detail! I'm glad you enjoy the album overall.

[dojae-huh]

J

First of all, you do you, like what you like, tastes differ. My opinion is just one out of a million, don't let it sour your mood in any way.

Secondly, I discovered that sometimes an explanation why people like a song helps to give it another chance. Happened to me with "17". I dismissed it at first as another easy song sung in high voice (as you know, I'm not a fan of Do singing in high voice), but understood its appeal after all the comments from tired working class, heh. It will nowhere be near therapeutic as "Cry" for me, but I'm kind of enjoying it now when it pops up on Spotify.

Thirdly, there are people who just need a series of images, bright colours, or descriptive words to feel something and enjoy a creation. I always consume and compehend something as a whole. It's melody+voice+lyrics+instruments+meaning - there can't be weak links. A song must have a solid structure and a clear idea of what it is.

Fourthly. Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. My opinion of Jaehyun and his music are two separate things.

My ranking:

7) Flamin' Hot Lemon

Boring melody. Mediocre arrangement. Stupid lyrics. The only nice thing is Jae's adlibs. Super forgettable. Find more talented producers to mingle with, Jaehynie, don't fall for compliments.

6) Smoke

There are very nice parts in the song. Sadly, it just falls apart for me. The song wants to be multiple things. I do not appreciate slang full lyrics atop of classical instruments. You either do stupid golden rich boys picking up chicks, silly loverboy romantics, casanovas, or suave jazz loving gentlemen in expensive suits - pick one. Feels like Jae got lost in wanting to try everything. The song is a mess.

5) Easy

The song is a tad too grating on the nerves for me to listen to it often. Otherwise, it's a cheeky song and Jaehyun did a really good job of finding the right way to sing it. And I really like the transition to 1:45, he used an inflexion from one of his previous songs, which gives "ah, his unique colour" feel. This song is the closest to what Taeyong does. An artistic song. This track gives me the impression of Jae being a pro the most. I wonder when he recorded it. There is this nonchalance and being sure of oneself. Even if there was none during the recording, it comes off this way.

4) Dandelion

It's a sweet song with nice lyrics (and really feels to be about Do, yes) and a fun run with whispers. I have nothing to critique, it's done well, it's pure, it's Yuno. It's not higher on the list only because it is not in my taste.

3) Roses

I have mixed feelings about this song. I do not like the cringy lyrics, I question the arrangement, I dislike the male's backvocal, the song's melody/tone doesn't really reflect the mood of the sung about situation, etc. However, the song has character, it stands out, it says "look at me", and has a "Roses, roses!" hook. Plus, Jaehyun's voice suits it well. It's like a student project, heh. Not perfect, but they did their best and showed potential.

2) Can't get you

It's not exactly my genre, I listen to it occasionaly (as I don't crave chill, I need energising, heh), but it's a honest piece. From start to finish the song knows what it's about. The chill is there, the groove is there, the sax, Puttin' on the ritz. I really like the wind instrument and chimes (?). The song fits Jaehyun perfectly. The romantic cheesy he likes and that allows him to play with his voice but without going cringe.

1) Completely

It's simply a great piano piece. It should become an OST in a hit series. I always complain how in many slow songs there is no proper melody, just an accompaniment (Korean ballads really suffer from it), so this song hits me in the feels as a dying breed in popular music.

After the medley I was apprehensive I won't like Jaehyun's high voice. It's actually bearable. He could have sung better. Perhaps, it's his current limit, he doesn't have much practice with emotional singing. However, it's OK. His pureness and gentle soul kind of shines through, compensating where the vocal delivery falls short. I believe him? That feeling.

All in all. The album feels immature, without a direction. It's an assortment of types of songs Jaehyun likes. He doesn't know who he is as a soloist yet, he copies others and tries to use his voice in all possible ways. This album also proves that the vibe and playing with the voice is more important to Jaehyun. The lyrics are secondary, truly a 2 Baddies lover, lol. There is a ton of hidden poetry behind that "you are hot" (we know the bunny makes him speechless). And Jae feels himself singing "boombox" in a husky voice. That's what matters, hehe.

[onceupon]

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY THOUGHTS!

I need to be in like a book club or a show-watching club, one that skews toward hyper-fixation… aka tumblr so here we are.

If you don’t know what happens in Books2/3 then spoiler alert!

This is also easily the most nerdy and excessive thing I’ve posted on this app. I don’t even need anyone to read this I just needed to get all my thoughts out of my head lmao

For starters, I never read TSITP series when I was younger, but my angsty, caught in a love triangle with my guy best friend and his best friend teenage self, would’ve ATE THIS UP. Ahh. It was still so fun reading at 22 and feeling that nostalgia of being a teenager again. So I basically binge-read all 3 books this past week and then immediately binge-watched the series. Let’s dive in.

Initial Reactions

So cringe. But in the best way. Like in a way that really highlights the innate cringiness that comes with going through your teens.

I enjoyed the music choice, but too an extent. I know a lot of people loved it but I kind of felt like they were overdoing it? Using every single song popular on Tik Tok was a bit overkill. I love T Swift though so I’ll make some exceptions.

LOVE Lola Tung. Literally such a perfect fit for the role. Adore her. I saw someone on Instagram say they loved how the cast was on the younger side aka more true to the age that they were playing. Basically they didn’t look like adults playing teens, they actually looked like teens.

I really liked how they chose it to be a series rather than a movie, really letting us marinate with the setting and the characters.

Show vs Books

Since I just read the books before watching, all the details are still fresh in my mind. I know the book will always be different, but I’m used to not watching the movie/show until years later. Since it was back to back for me this time, it was fun being able to pick up on so many little things.

Did anyone else pick up on how they sped up some plot points and repurposed/reinvented others from books 2 and 3? Some of these might be a reach… but it kept me thinking “wait! that’s not supposed to happen yet!” Which makes me all the more excited because Jenny Han definitely has some ideas up her sleeve for the next seasons.

First, introducing the Jeremiah-Conrad love triangle in this season. In the first book, Belly rejects Jeremiah when he confesses his feelings. The entire book she only ever has eyes for Conrad. The love triangle doesn’t start till Book 2.

Second, the necklace!? In the books she finds it in Book 2 (post-breakup, when her and Jer go looking for Conrad), decides to wear it rather than ask about it, and when Conrad sees her and Jere kissing in his car, he demands she take it off and give it back because it’s not hers and he never gave it to her anyways. Which doesn’t even COMPARE to book 3 when he gives it to her on what’s supposed to be her WEDDING DAY to JEREMIAH. Like that was such a pivotal moment of the plot. Belly was really standing her ground after his love confession, but when she saw that necklace and he finally admitted it belonged to her and that he got it for her 16th birthday, she was 2 seconds from folding. While they kept the part where it’s for Belly’s birthday and we got that cute scene where she asks him about it in the shower, it didn’t hold as much weight as it did in the books to me? Maybe they’ll continue incorporating the necklace though and it’ll end up carrying as much meaning.

Next, there were several lines from books 1-3 that they used in season 1 just in a different context. Like when Conrad says “you know I think about you, I just can’t right now.” In the show they use it mid-season after they almost kissed on the Fourth of July. Im nitpicking here but I just loved the original context of the line in the book 😭 At the end, after the whole shit show storm, the cancer secret, the fight, everything, Belly kisses him to comfort him, and he kisses her back. Like come on:

Then Taylor being in the car with Conrad after the skinny dipping fiasco and telling him to let Belly go. Taylor and Conrad didn’t have that convo until book 3, at the house, the day before Belly’s wedding.

Further, while I enjoyed the debutante ball addition, it borrowed some themes from books 2 and 3 which I wonder whether they’ll be repeated or not. Such as the prom in book 2 and the whole idea of actively choosing Jere over Conrad which she never did until book 3.

Lastly, Belly tripping her and Susannah at the Fourth of July part. In the first book, there is no Fourth of July party. Instead we have book 2, everyone is at the summer house for the funeral. Belly sees Conrad for the first time after their breakup and he’s with Aubrey which puts her into a fit of rage, telling him to go to hell and that she hates him, making a scene, and tripping up the stairs as she runs away. That’s when we get her dad coming up to comfort her, assuring her Laurel doesn’t hate her. I think I like this change, for Belly’s sake. It made me so sad for her, how much she regretted it, and I think Jenny Han doesn’t want to make Belly in the show stoop down to that level. BUT, then it led to that drunk, crying apology in the ocean to Conrad which had that boy messed UP. Give and take. I think it’s cool how Jenny Han is repurposing various plot points in a way that’s familiar but entirely different.

Honorable mention: Belly and the deb girls skinny dipping in the show vs. Belly wanting Cam to skinny dip with her in the book and him rejecting her.

Characters

Steven in the show definitely had a much larger role which I loved! In the books, he’s only at the summerhouse for the first half of summer, leaving to go on college tours with his Dad and to study for the SAT. However, that gave us one of my favorite Steven-Belly moments that wouldn’t have happened in the show. Because while show Steven was pretty oblivious, book Steven was well aware how the Fisher boys look at his sister, even though he’d never admit it.

Belly and Conrad in the show were less-aggressive versions of themselves than the books. More mature maybe and… soft? Book Belly was far more childish/dramatic and book Conrad was a MAJOR asshole when he wanted to be. When those two fought in the books they were spitting VENOM. Book Conrad and Belly are 100% The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift. Screaming? Yes. Fighting? Yes. Kissing in the rain? Yes. So in love they both act insane? Yes times a million.

I thought Jeremiah, Cam, Laurel, and Susannah were all pretty spot on. Aside from the new addition of Jere being bi. And sorry to be a hater, but I really didn’t care about Laurel and Susannah’s side-plot romances in the show. I said what I said.

Fave new moments:

- drunk Belly talking to Conrad while he’s showering

- their little texts

- Taylor being a good friend (redirecting the convo during never have I ever - which btw happened in book 3 when Belly is in college)

Fave moments that stayed true to the book:

- the boys first look at Belly when she arrives

- Conrad touching Belly’s hair when he’s drunk in the car

- the scene where Belly is swimming and tells Conrad to quit smoking

What I missed:

I wish they had done more flashbacks! I felt like the flashbacks in the book did a really good job at showing us the foundations of Belly’s relationships with both Jere and Conrad. Jere being the loyal, fun best friend and Conrad always having a soft spot for Belly, looking out for her in a way that was special. Like this one from when Belly is 10:

I also wish they included the scene in the end, after the final kiss, where it’s Jere, Conrad, and Belly, swimming in the pool and goofing off like little kids after all the sadness, promising each other they’ll always come back to Cousins.

What I can’t wait for in season 2:

- if they don’t show us the flashback scenes of Conrad and Belly’s dates, especially when they snuck away to the beach house in the middle of the night in the dead of winter… I’m suing.

- more of Steven and Belly’s relationship like when Steven came to her room after the prom disaster

- Belly’s drunk apology to Conrad during the summer party

- Laurel ripping Adam a new one for wanting to sell the house

What I hope for season 3:

- I hope they don’t get rid of the Jeremiah cheating plot line. A lot of people think that’s out of character for him, but I really really don’t. Jere is this happy, outgoing, charming kid. And he definitely has the perfect storm of personality traits brewing for being a stereotypical frat boy which he totally is in book 3. Even in book 2, he says if Conrad had admitted his feelings he would’ve stepped aside. But if it had been anyone else, he would’ve tried regardless. Like hello? If they include it, and Belly stays with him, which I think she will because I feel like it’s important to the plot and to her growth after, I’m still gonna scream at Belly for being an idiot. But what can you do.

- Book 3 Belly grew and matured a lot (not 100%, but a noticeable difference from book 1). I already feel like show Belly is pretty mature, but I’m sure we’ll see more growth, which we love because team Belly always.

- Immediately following that with Conrad’s growth. Quit smoking, runs, cooks, mended his relationship with his dad, calls Laurel every week, in med school? Man oh man… can’t wait to see this version of our once self-destructive favorite boy.

- Belly and Conrad’s Christmas at the summerhouse of course

- Conrad admitting to Belly he loves her and that she should be with him 😭😭😭

- hearing Conrad’s POV (if it wasn’t already obvious I am 100% team Conrad)

- and I swear, Jenny Han better not leave us short in series 3 like she did in book 3. All that drama and angst just to get a small little epilogue and a couple letters for Belly and Conrad’s relationship when they finally end up together!? Are we serious. She could’ve at least given us a couple chapters. Anything. We barely got breadcrumbs. At least we know they get married and run off into the ocean in the rain like the adorable beach-kid soulmates they are 😌

If you read the whole thing we’re now best friends.

[vrishchikawrites]

I gotta ask though this is definitely not your everyday question... how did you manage to read mdzs? It's so cringy and rushed and filled with short sentences and over exposition. I personally managed to only read like 20 chapters before I gave up and decided to learn the story from fanfiction and english isnt even my native language. But you are such a good writer and I love your style and it's so much different from how the novel is written and yet you praise it so much so I guess what I'm asking is how did you manage?

(And to make sure there are no misunderstandings I dont ever wanna blame any of the translators who are doing an amazing job!)

Honestly, since I don't know better, I can't say the cringe factor actually exists. MDZS wasn't written for me (as in a non-Chinese person), so parts that make it an uncomfortable reading for me may not bother the Chinese readers at all. Readers from different cultures expect different things. Aren't short and concise sentences considered good in Chinese linguistics? Someone correct me if I'm wrong here, but I recall reading it somewhere. But I digress.

I'm sort of accustomed to things sounding strange once they're translated because a lot of nuance from the language gets lost (I read a lot of classical Sanskrit and Tamil works, some of them don't sound pleasant when translated) That's the case with almost any work you translate. (not the fault of the translators, but that's just how things are.)

When I read these kinds of works, I don't necessarily focus on the words, but more on the spirit of the text. The surface just fades away when I'm intent on understanding the character and plot nuances, tbh.

I praise MDZS because imo it is very tight work, especially from an author's perspective. The characterization is beautiful, the plot is interesting and makes sense, and there are many things MXTX lets readers figure out without telling them. All elements fit in well and if you remove one puzzle piece, the plot unravels. The work is that tight.

It is also very satisfying. You end the novel on a pleasant, content note that feels completely realistic as well.

Sometimes, the dialogue and scenes are a little unpleasant to read, but looking beyond that into the motivations of the character can help. Like the WWX confession scene, on the surface, is cringe. But underneath, you can tell there are several factors influencing it:

WWX definitely doesn't know if he'll survive to the next moment, not when a wire is literally cutting into his neck.

He was just told about LWJ's devotion to him.

LWJ has risked everything to support him.

LWJ was hurt by their relationship dynamic.

He has been holding himself back without the need to do so. And he may have inadvertently given LWJ the wrong impression that may be hurting him even now.

When you take factors like these into consideration, WWX's confession takes on a much deeper meaning. It is essentially the words of a man who has died once, who knows what it is like to take secrets to the grave, who is naturally compassionate, and who loves LWJ.

It becomes less of an 'omg, this is an embarrassingly public and clumsy confession' and more about, 'oh, a man who doesn't know what's going to happen next has just poured his entire heart out, honestly, and without restraint.' I think that's beautiful.

TL;DR - Some novels just need a deeper, slower reading. Just ignore the surface and look underneath (underneath the underneath, heh). You can just skim sections you're uncomfortable with, too.

PS; All of this is my personal opinion and experience. Every person interacts with the material differently.

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[haiyuta]

|| sugarbaby.com || bang chan

Summary: Struggling college student Y/n is on her last year of college as the bills stack she’s in a tough situation. Her roommate recommends her a website for local sugar daddies. That's where she meets Mr. Bang Chan a producer who is just a nice guy that has a lot of money.  

word count: 5.1k || genre: smut, lots of smut, kissing, dry humping, light choking, praise kink, soft dom chan, like soft, like he’s a caring daddy btw, light barely their daddy kink. 

a/ n: the end plot is so sloppyyyy but I put lots of plot and love and smut this could be better but its 5k of hard work so enjoy yall~

Chewing on your lip you eyed the website your finger hovering on and off the signup button.

Sugarbabys.com the website read on the front page in a quote read "where sugar babies meet high-quality Sugar daddies".

Taking your finger away you gave it a thought all the scenarios going through your head. What if it didn't go well? What if the men were creepy? Your friend already gave you tips 'meet in a public place' 'only if you want to you have to' things like that.

Your bank account was desperate though. Between school and working, you were left with little money. Lingering in the back of your brain you knew you couldn't the reality of having to borrow more money from your friend making you cringe.

Were you desperate enough for money to even sign up for this site? It was something you considered before knowing a few girls who used the website your roommate included for a while until she got what she wanted her debt paid off.

'Its easy just sign up it couldn't hurt' she explained to you. You grimaced it could hurt the many thoughts popped up in your head bad and good.

Your finger hovered over the signup button with great reluctance decided to sign up. Entering your email and information you looked at the rules. It was simple enough the men contacted you based on profiles near them. They recommend you do a date in public for safety reasons etc.

Some of the profile content was questions like the financial level you needed and what you could provide and some small information about yourself.

Your fingertips hovered over the keys writing some info about yourself.

"Hello I'm a graduating student soon with ambitions to join the workforce soon financial help would be the main  and I am very open with new options and experiences"

Finishing off with some fun facts age and a pretty picture your friend took of you. etc you clicked the finished profile you sat back looking at the website shaking your head you closed your laptop work was going to be early tomorrow.

You didn't check the website but a lingering message sat in your inbox.

As the week went on it a few messages popped in your inbox with a variety of guys some seeking immediate sex for money, some promising you the world but then there was one message.

Bang: Hello I'm sure you got many messages you're very pretty I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me. I'll pay of course and see if we are matchable. If not just ignore this.

The message made you quirk your eyebrow it felt real and raw in a way the others didn't. And with no picture, you decided to go and message 'Bang' back.

You: Thanks for messaging me I would love to just send your phone number and I'll talk to you more.

Nerves in your stomach grew as you waited for his message. A night went by until his reply.

Bang: Thanks so much here's my number can't wait to talk to you more :)

You've been texting back and forth with Chan for a week till he scheduled a date setting a date that was good for both of you.

You were nervous your stomach turned with butterflies, the restaurant you were in was a fancy Italian restaurant downtown it had deep mood lighting with a clean crisp look to it.

"May I help you," the hostess gave a kind smile.

Shifting in your tight black dress your own but the gold necklace with a nice handbag were thanks to your roommate.  "Um yes," you said nervously "I have a dinner date with Mr. Bang," you said.

Looking at the list she nodded "oh yes he's waiting for you," she said leading you to the back.

Walking through the restaurant your stomach twisted leading towards the table. Questions ran through your mind. Why were you even doing this? It was to late to back down now you thought.

"Here you go," she gestured to the table. Laying your eyes on him you were slightly taken aback at his appearance. He was handsome.

Looking up from his phone a handsome smile lit his face. Slipping the device into his pocket he got up quickly.

"Let me," he gave a sheepish laugh moving toward you. The smell of his cologne filled your senses it was nice really nice.

"Thank you," you said sitting putting your loaned clutch on the table. Drinking in his features you noted he had sandy blond hair, deep dimples, and perhaps an accent. Dressed simply in a black button-up and black jeans expensive chan sat handsomely on his neck.

An awkward silence filled the table until he chuckled "I'm sorry I didn't even introduce myself I use Mr. Bang on my profile but you can call me Chan," he said. Yup, definitely an accent you noted.

His friendly smile radiated causing you to let a small smile "I'm Y/n thank you for taking me out". More like thanks for messaging me and taking me to a restaurant normally college boys would take you out to the best they could do. A local taco joint close to the university which was amazing but you did yearn for something romantic.

"You were beautiful I had to," he flirted with a charming smile. Stomach knotting at the word beautiful and how his foreign accent whispered them out.

"Thank you," you beamed shifting in your seat. The more you talked to him the more comfortable you became with him.

"So, you work in the music industry," you asked wanting to get to know him. Quickly thinking of his profile on the website. Young, producer and money to spend. The website though matched you and you couldn't directly message them until they choose you. Chan would be snatched up quickly if any sugar baby could choose.

"I do I'm a producer I also sing and rap a bit," he explained, "its something I like to do a lot" he added.

"That sounds like a lot of fun," you giggled poking at your food already full from the soup and salad but wanting more.

"It's long hours of editing and writing music," he perked up his eyebrow you noted he had a small cut in his eyebrow. "Hearing my music be sung by artist and people loving my lyrics is all worth it."

"But it's my passion but sadly my passion is mostly inside so it's hard to meet people," he explained eyeing you.

"May I ask why a guy like you would be on a sugar baby website," you said hoping you weren't overstepping your boundary. "I mean not that you can't be on these sites," you quickly blurted out feeling warm at the question you asked.

He laughed a little "I'm not a 40-year-old businessman with a wife and kids," he smirked out.

"Kind of," you trailed off staring at him.

"Well some of my friends were doing it recently saying they met some great people," he said "I also like showering my girl with money might as well see if this will work." he finished.

"Ah okay," you hummed eating some food.

"I'm just a nice guy who has a lot of money," he grinned his cheeky dimple popping out.

You snorted at the comment "wow," you laughed a little.

"Sorry was that cringy," he gave a sheepish smile.

You nodded covering your mouth trying not to laugh out loud.

"Anyway what about you," he asked.

You explained a bit about yourself adding what he needed to know you were almost out of college the struggle to finish was getting harder. He understood explaining he came to Korea from Australia looking for a fresh start. He found his talent when he sold one of his songs for the first time. You were shocked that it was called "Why so lonely" a classic a song that use to be on your freshman playlist every day.

The experience was new but something you would soon treasure a good conversation a lovely meal and getting money for it.

"Did you like the meal," he asked eyeing you placing his black card in his wallet writing down a quick tip.

"It was amazing," you gave a gentle smile. A little bummed this dinner had to end. Also anticipating if he wanted to continue this.

"May I drive you home," he asked giving you his arm. You smiled nodding slipping your arm through his arm.

The small private parking lot on the side as you browsed the expensive cars till you landed on his BMW with admiration a beautiful car that fit his aesthetic. Playful yet luxurious. Sliding into his car you shivered at the cold leather seats.

"Where do you live," he asked.

"Student apartments right next to the university," you explained "just that general area," you said hitting yourself of how dumb you sounded.

The car ride had light chatting he played some music from he wrote. You were shocked to find out it had some of your favorite artists under it. Learning he did some music for a trio group named 3racha.

Coming up to your apartment you sighed glancing at him "thank you so much," you paused letting out a soft "sir" at the end of it.

A moment passed over the both of you until Chan let out a laugh "Sir," a deep cute laugh.

A blush went to your cheeks at his laugh"You're cute enough you don't have to try okay," he assured his you pressing his hand to your cheek gently.

Your face was warm but his hand felt warmer. "Sorry about that," you said softly cringing at yourself. How natural this felt was amazing.

"May I kiss you," he whispered out his lips so close.

Your eyes connected to his light brown eyes your lips wanting to touch his "please."

It was a swift moment as his lips capturing your own. It was soft as he greedily consumed your kiss you were shocked at how good it was to be kissed.

Pulling gently apart your eyes flickered to his noting his eyes were so warm and deep you could drown in them.

"Um thank you for everything," you said feeling warm and frazzled at him. Opening the car door you could feel your heartbeat a little faster and your mind swirl with want.

"Your welcome baby girl," he winked watching you with as you trailed yourself up the steps and into the apartment building.

Its been a few months since your first date with Chan. Honestly, it felt too good to be true. Soon as got home he texted you some information and the next thing that morning a pretty number with 4 digits now sit in your account.

It took all your will not to scream in a pillow at the money. That's what you make in a month for a date.

As the relationship continued Chan was giving you money for your attention dates, kissing, sex all of the above. Honestly, he could pay you nothing and you would still jump at the opportunity to sleep with him. You shuttered a little thinking of the sex simply put it was amazing.

Some basic rules were gently inforced. 1. You or have the right to end it at any time 2. Stressed the fact that this was an exclusive relationship. Light rules but Chan was very laidback.

Currently, you were in a store way too expensive well use to be way too expensive picking out a dress that would look good for this event with Chan. "This one," you hummed walking out in a cream-colored dress. It hugged your ass but the color was sort of off-putting.

Chan sitting on the seat in the private dress area leaning back his hair messy and untamed with a touch of curls. Your fingers always itched to touch those curly locks.

"I don't love it," he hummed eyeing you up and down. "Just the color it looks amazing on you though," he grinned. Sitting next to a pile of dresses that you both didn't like very much.

You frown this was the fifth dress you've tried but to be honest you didn't love it that much either.

"Okay I have a few more," you bit your lip as you went back to the dressing room. The event was tomorrow night performance of some underground rappers and Chan said he might perform with 3racha if he had time. Being on his arm for this event was important.

You shyly claiming you didn't have many dresses for something like that.

Sipping into the dress that caught your eye the most a deep rose gold dress with just a touch of sparkle. Eyeing yourself you smiled at how the dress fit you the price tag with the glaring 1k on the tag.

Slipping out the dressing room your gazed landed on Chan his eyes ran up and down your body. "Wow," he whispered out getting up to inspect the dress. "Do you like it," he asked placing his hand on your hip.

"I love it," you paused eyeing you and Chan in the mirror admiring how you looked and how he looked next to you. His eyes glazed with lust. "It's pricy though," you hummed looking at the price.

Chan leaned over kissing your temple "you know I'll buy it for you," he grinned pushing his hips closer to you.

"You spoil me," you hummed posing lightly in the mirror. It complimented your skin the way it fell made you feel utterly amazing.

"You look beautiful," he said pressing his body against yours. His chin resting atop your head as he stared at your dress in the mirror. You giggled at the reflection. He looked at you with an admiring lust-filled look. You perked up when you felt his bulge pressing against your ass.

Glancing at him through the mirror his deep brown eyes basically told you what he wanted. You've had sex with Chan before and to say the least you would fuck this man for free. You were just lucky enough he was paying your tuition with a sweet payday every other Friday.

You pushed your ass into him feeling his eagerness waiting for you. "We shouldn't," you hummed glancing at him. Leaning over he hummed his lips connecting with your neck. You sighed at the kisses leaning away for more access.

"We just need to be quiet," he whispered in your ear. Grabbing your hand he lead you to the small bench settling you on his lap.

His lips captured yours hungrily your mouths moved in a gentle rhythm. Pulling away Chan looked at you grabbing your exposed thigh placing you across his jeans. "Come on baby we don't want to wrinkle this beautiful dress up," he said pushing the dress up.

A small mew slipped out of you at the feeling of Chan lightly bouncing his leg. Wrapping your arms around his neck to steady yourself you moaned as he added more pressure to your clothed slit.

Your body was heating up at the feeling "come on baby girl," Chan whispered in your ear. Biting your lip you squeezed your eyes closed feeling your stomach twisting at the sensation. God, he got you off so good your mind raced with want.

Clenching your thighs around his you gave a soft moan as you rocked against his leg. The lewd act of humping his leg made your stomach twist with want.

Chan let out a light chuckle you gave him a small embarrassed glare at your current position. "Don't pout you look adorable," he gave a small smirk. "We better finish this off before we are found," he grinned as he proceeded to bounce his leg.

You were already damp as it seeped into Chan's black jeans. Pushing your head into his neck you let out small whimpers as you got closer to the edge. Ready to fall any moment but Chan holding you so tight you never wanted to let go. Pushing down on his thigh you gave a deep moan as you desperately humped his leg.

Leaning over you placed your lips moaning in the kiss. Your eyes twisted shut as waves of heat rolled down your body.

Chan pressed his lips hard against you as you sloppy kissed him. You came down from your high it took a moment but you felt Chan hand run up and down your back.

Biting your lip you gazed up at him giving him a light smile "we should get out of here," you hummed pushing your dress back down and getting up,

You lightly grimaced at his leg with had a decent size wet mark on them. "Fuck sorry," you said also eyeing his bulge.

He hummed grabbing your hand "don't worry about it lets just buy the dress and go back to my place," giving you a wink.

Your stomach stirred thinking of going to his house with him laying in his bed as he pushed your deep into his sheets "Let's," you grinned eagerly.

"How does it look," you asked your roommate coming from your room in the dress you bought last week. It took a dry clean to get the smell of sex from the dress but it still looked clean and new.

Her gaze went from her phone taking a double-take at your dress. "Look at you in that dress," she hummed. Smiling you gave a small twirl the gold shimmering.

"I know I love it so much," you hummed going to the mirror to check your makeup and hair.

"So Y/n how's Chan," she said leaning on the couch her eyebrow raised at you.

"He's good he's taking me to a club tonight," you said.

She nodded "so you don't have feelings for him or anything right," she hummed out looking at you.

Pausing you stared at your eye makeup looking at her through the mirror image you felt your heart leap "of course not he pays me," you told her.

"Yeah I mean your college semester is almost over when will you break it off," she asked. You paused wondering if you would. You did get mostly what you wanted. Clothing, money, your schooling has been paid up to last semester. The thought of breaking it with Chan made your stomach drop.

Before you could answer you heard your phone ring. Grinning you picked it up avoiding your roommates grilling question.

"Hey baby are you ready," Chan spoke.

Glancing at your makeup and outfit you looked good. Shyly remembering what you did in this dress earlier that week. "Yeah I'm good," you hummed out.

"Great I'm downstairs," he said.

"Okay bye," you said clicking off the phone.

Your roommate was still looking at you "you're like into into him," she commented.

"I'm into his money," you easily lied to yourself. The money was great the clothing, the tuition all was amazing. But Chan as a person he was the best of all the gifts. Repressing these growing thoughts was the best you could do.

"Sure you are," she said pulling out up her Netflix. "Just let me know when you move into with him so I can find a new roommate," she teased.

Rolling your eyes you stuck out your tongue  "will do but won't happen," you said leaving.

"Have a nice night," she called out.

"Thanks," you yelled back leaving. Your stomach turned excited to see Chan. Hurrying downstairs you quickly came outside to see Chan leaning on the side of his car. You eyed him loving his outfit.

"Hey," you grinned going to him wrapping your arms around his neck. Your eyes held his from the told of his dirty blond hair to the way he had a smile chain around his neck and his signature black style.

"Aw you missed me," he grinned a small dimple popping out.

"Always," you flirted back.

Giving you a quick peck he opened the door for you. The drive to the small club was nice his hand firmly on your thigh as he navigated the roads driving up to the club.

"You'll meet some of my friends just fellow producers," he explained. The word date stuck to your brain well you were his date. The words girlfriend would be amazing to hear out his mouth.

"Do your friends have any sugar babies," you asked out the blue. Remembering he told you months ago some of his friends use the site.

He pursed his lips "some do some have two or more," he explained closing the door on the side parking.

Taking his arm nerves bubbled up in your stomach as you entered the low lit club. It was loud with live music on the stage was a male he had dark black hair with deep black makeup and he was rapping.

"That's Jisung he's a close friend and producer," Chan said leading you toward the back. The club was lowkey as people enjoyed the fast rapper on the stage.

"He's really good," you called out to Chan.

He nodded "yeah we are underground rappers are normally producers but we like to stay out of the limelight," he added. "I'll be on stage in a bit hope you'll cheer for me," he grinned.

"Always," you grinned. Sipping on the drink you were introduced to lots of people Felix an upcoming solo artist in the company.

"Time to get on stage baby girl," Chan hummed giving you a light kiss on your lips. His eyes lingered on you for a moment "After my set will get outta here," he said.

"Sounds good," you replied.

Felix stayed next to you as you two chatted while Chan was in the back. "Yeah, Chan told me a lot about you."

You nodded "can I ask about," you asked curiously.

Felix nodded his head "just you're really good for him is what I'm going to say," he explained.

Before you knew it the lights went down once again as Chan got on stage with Jisung and another male "who's that," you asked Felix.

"That's Changbin he is just an underground rapper Chan likes to promote with they call themselves 3racha," he explained.

You watched Chan on stage it was like he was a natural. His smile lit the stage his outfit clean making him look fashionable and handsome. That messy hair was darkening.

Your heart speeds up as you watched his performance him bouncing on stage, the way he hyped up the crowd and his fellow rappers.

Chan never really talked about the performing aspect of this. You were transfixed on the performance the lyrics, his movements it was all amazing. Then cheers filled your ears Chan had a small layer of sweat on his forehead "thank you for coming everyone we have so many new acts tonight please keep a lookout for them," he yelled in the mic.

"They were amazing," you said excitedly.

"Yeah, I love watching them perform," Felix agreed. "It doesn't happen often but when it does it's always great," he praised his friends.

Soon after Chan came back to the table with Jisung and Changbin behind him. A layer of sweat on all of them. "Guys I want you to meet Y/n," he said. "My girlfriend," he said glancing at you for a second.

Your eyes widen at the work girlfriend but decided to act cool "um Hi guys I love your music Chan's showed me some samples," you said.

"Ah thank you so much welcome to our little circle Chan's been meaning to introduce us to you," Jisung said giving a wide smile.

"Has he well my boyfriend is so mean not introducing me to his friends sooner," you side-eyed Chan. You felt Chan wrap his arm around your waist.

"Well we should all get together for some food soon," Felix added.

"That would be great," Chan said slipping his arm around your waist. "Sorry to be rude me and Y/n have to dip," Chan said. Giving his friends a few fist bumps he pulled you out the dark club soon after.

The cool night hit you giving you some much-needed space to breathe. "So Chan girlfriend," you quirked an eyebrow stepping away from his. Your insides turned at the word.

"I'm sorry that just slipped out," he spoke quickly apologizing, a red from the tips of his ears to his cheeks maybe from performing but it made him look different. Vulnerable to you like a confession. "I meant it I'll admit it," he added.

There was a pause as you looked at him and he looked at you. Before you knew it your lips were on his. His plush lips felt so good your heart beating rapidly at his confession and you think you got your answer across. He wrapped his arms around your waist pressing deeply into the kiss.

Pulling apart you gazed up at him he had a handsome smirk on his face. "your place," you bite your lip.

He hummed "I gotta hear it one time," he raised an eyebrow.

"Can my handsome boyfriend take me to his place," you admitted your arms thrown around his neck.

Grabbing his keys he and you hurried to his car. You praised his performance as you rode to his place. His hand now firmly placed entwined in your hand.

Stumbling into his condo you and his lips were attached to one another. Closing the door behind him you giggled as his hand slide through your once neatly curled hair now messy from the night.

Grabbing your hand you lead him to his bedroom it had deep blacks and grey al round. Your lips met in a messy haze of lust.

"Fuck you do things to me," Chan whispered pulling his lips away from you. His fluffy hair was now matted to his forehead attractively from his performance those brown eyes of his blazing with want.  

Sitting on his bed eyeing you from the high ground. "Look what you've done," he chuckled out touching himself. Your fingers itched to unzip him and help him.

"Can I," you asked reaching for his zipper.

"Ask properly," he leaned his hands behind him his hooded eyes stared you down.

"Please daddy," you whined out  On your knees, you unbuttoned his pants revealing Calvin Klein's you loved so much. When you got a peek of those they really set you off.

Slowly touching the hard outline you licked your lips in concentration as you teased him from the base circling around the tip feeling he was wet.

"Fucking hell Y/n," his hips involuntary jerked up to your touch. Your fingers raised under his black tee feeling his solid abs under your fingers tips.

"I love your body," you hummed feeling his stomach circling little shapes right above his waistline.

"Yeah," he stared down at you with hunger loving the praise that you gave him. Something you learned early about Chan is praise could get you a long way. Your nails dragged down his abs loving the feeling of them under your fingertips.

Pulling him out you admired his length. You gave his slick head a small kiss as you gently bobbed.

Chan lifted his hips letting you slip more into his mouth. "Fuck," he moaned as he started to hit the back of your throat.

"Relax your throat Y/n," he said gently brushing your hair. Chan gently rolled his hips deeper in as you relaxed your throat. You lightly choked on it pulling off quickly. You blushed realizing even with the training you couldn't take him very far.

"Sorry," you flushed embarrassed you couldn't even deep throat him.

Pulling you onto the bed Chan's eyes were gentle and lustful. He lightly patted your head lovely "you got better," he hummed. Grabbing your wrist he gently took it placing gentle kisses across your wrist. He stared at you with a smoldering look of want.

Leaning down his mouth attacked your neck you felt so close to him you could hear his heart race just like yours. His dick hard against your thigh so close to your entrance.

"Chan I need you," you moaned in his ear as he left wet kisses across his neck.

Pushing your dress up his fingers went to your panties taking them off "where do you need me," he groaned. His finger went across your slit petting you lightly.

"Right there," you moaned body heating up from the petting. He pulled your hips so close to him "please chan," you hummed desperate him to fill you.

He gave a cheeky smile "no need to beg," his Australian accent deep and thick. He grabbed your leg hiking you up. Hooking your leg around his hip as he entered you. The feeling of him stretching you making you wince as you took him between your folds.

"Ah fuck," he cursed out his face twisting into pleasure. His nose scrunched up in pleasure as his hips rocked into you.

Pushing your head into the pillow you let out mews of pleasure as he gave gentle thrust. The closeness of him in you made your head twirl. "Harder," you panted feeling him almost hitting that sweet spot.  

You felt his hips pace start to pick up as he went deeper. "Ah," you moaned out feeling the tingle of an oncoming orgasm come. You pushed the feeling down trying to savor the feeling of the pleasure.

Looking up at Chan his mouth slightly slacked as he focused on his thrusts fuck he was handsome you thought. A vulnerable look of want and pleasure twisted on his face.

He looked down at you a small smile lit on his lips "you look hot on your back for me." His words made your stomach twist with want and love.

"May I," he hummed his fingers wrapping around your neck. Your stomach tingled with want something about choking made you excited.

"Please," you begged.

Wrapping his hand on the side of your throat made you lick your lip making your head dizzy. Honestly, you didn't know you had a choking kink until Chan introduced you to it.

"Thank you, daddy," you hummed loving the way he pressed lightly on your throat his thumb gently tracing your windpipe. His thrust hit hard as he tightens his hold restricting your breathing.  

"Your welcome baby," he said thrusting into you deeper. Lifting into him you enjoyed the way his body pressed into you.

"I'm close," you moaned out feeling him hit that spot over and over making your eyes roll back.

"Hold your breath baby," he said tightening his hold. His pace got faster as he chased his own orgasm small groans left his lips lovely. "Fuck," he moaned "You feel so good," you moan feeling the sudden warmth of his cum spurt out. The warmth of it pushed you over the edge.

Clutching your leg behind his back black and white spots filled your vision. Chan let out sensual groans as he came down from his high. His hand released your neck as he went to pet your hair. 

Shifting your leg you felt him pull out of you. You bite your lip smiling at the feeling of him pulling you close. 

“Fuck,” he moaned taking off his shirt laying on the silk sheets. You turned to him a grin on his face. 

Wrapping his arm around your midsection he curled up to you. “Chan you smell like sweat,” you whined at the smell. 

“You know you love it,” he grinned as you pushed your face into his curly hair. 

“Mmmhh,” you hummed feeling him pet your head as his fingers up and down your body. 

[thewraith8]

Shadow and Bone Netflix Show - Brief Analysis

In this post I am going to break down the things I liked, the things I did not like, and just a general overview of my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone Netflix show. This is coming from someone who has read the Shadow and Bone trilogy about three years ago, the Six of Crows duology about a year ago, and has just recently watched the show when it premiered. I am a big fan of the duology and I did find the trilogy decently enjoyable at the time that I read it. 

I would like to preface this by saying that, as this is an overview, I will not be going into a lot of detail with regards to every scene. I may do something like that in future posts where I discuss each scene or character separately but this is more of a general overview. I would also like to clarify that I will not be addressing anything super in depth about the racism in the show as I am not very educated on the topic. I know that a lot of people have many different views on it and as someone who is Asian, my personal view is that it was fine. Some pieces of dialogue would occasionally feel a little forced but I personally do not believe it was a bad idea to make Alina a mixed race character. I know sometimes it can really feel like the producers and writers are trying to be diverse by adding POC to the cast and having the character face some form of discrimination every other scene but this show did not feel like it was pushing it super hard. There was so much else going on in the show that I did not mind those few scenes where they did address racism. 

So this is going to be divided into three parts. The first is production quality. The second is casting, acting, and character portrayals. And third is the writing and storytelling. So now let’s get into it.

Production quality: 

This was one of the biggest things I feared would be terrible about the show and would greatly impact my opinion of it because in a visual medium it is very difficult to get past bad visual effects, sets, etc. I knew it would be the first thing I would notice upon starting the show and I was very pleasantly surprised to see that money was clearly spent in the production with the incredible effects, costumes, props, set designs, and cinematography. I will say I am not educated on the subject of filmmaking and cinematography but from the little I do understand I think it was done very well.

There were also certain aspects I noticed when comparing the filming of scenes between the two storylines.  Mal and Alina’s scenes such as when they are writing letters to each other or when we get flashbacks of them at the orphanage, are more slow and soothing almost like gentle waves swaying back and forth on a beach. Their voices and dialogue are also soft and warm and this really gives a good sense of their relationship and dynamic. In contrast, when you look at scenes involving the crows, the filming is a lot quicker and snappier and things are generally more fast paced. Their dialogue, which involves a lot of banter or back and forths, is also great in showing their dynamic as well as their own individual character. 

Moving on to set designs and costumes, I think these were done really well. The throne room of the Little Palace was almost exactly as I had imagined it to look and the palace in general with the rooms and hallways did appear to be high quality. The Fold was also very well done though something I found a little strange was the occasional bursts of lightning in the sky. I think that sort of defeats the purpose of it being this completely dark place. Other than that it was exactly as I would imagine it to look. Ketterdam was also exactly as I imagined it to be with the dark alleys and dingy streets. With regards to the costumes, I think they were beautiful. Alina’s costumes in particular were really well done. I loved the way they did her hair and make up in certain scenes like when they go through the Fold that last time. The Keftas that the Grisha wore were incredible and accurate to the books with the different colours of each for the different kinds of Grisha. The crows’ costumes were also exactly what I imagined each of them to look like and felt really connected to their characters. Overall I think the set designs and costumes were fantastic.

All in all I would give production a 9.5/10. 

2. Casting, acting, and character portrayals:

Casting was also one of my fears for this show since the characters for me are the most important part of any story and if the cast is not good then the characters will not come across in the best way possible. I was once again so pleasantly surprised with the actors and actresses chosen for each role. I was worried about cringy acting as well and I am so glad there was no point at which I was cringing at any of the acting. The actors all appeared to have great chemistry and it came across wonderfully on screen. I’m going to briefly go through each of the main characters and the actor or actress that plays them and my thoughts on the acting and character portrayals alone. Later in the thrid section of this long post I will talk about each character with regards to how they were written.  

Alina: I personally believe Jessie Mei Li played a perfect Alina Starkov. She really gave off the vibe of being this important figure, a Sun Summoner, without it feeling annoying or as though she knows she is the main character of the story. I think her acting and expressions were generally well done. 

Mal: Though Archie Renaux was not how I imagined Mal to look, I think he did a great job of portraying the character. His interactions with Jessie Mei Li also felt very natural and they definitely had good chemistry. 

Darkling: Again, I think Ben Barnes was the perfect casting for the Darkling and his portrayal of the character was very well done. There were times where he would get teary eyed when talking to Alina and I understand that it was part of his character in being manipulative but it looked just a bit weird because crying is just something that almost humanizes him which I think does not fit with the idea and aesthetic of his character. You can still have him be manipulative and appear a victim to Alina without him crying or getting teary eyed. I think he would be able to get that across better with a tragic expression and tone of voice. But overall I think he made a great Darkling.

Kaz: Once again perfect casting with Freddy Carter. And really for this one, props to the directors and others who cast him for this role because this was a diffcult character to get the perfect casting for. Kaz’s character is probably the one that I have the biggest problem with but that has more to do with the writing aspect of his character. With regards to the casting and acting, I think Freddy Carter was amazing. First of all, he looks exactly as I would imagine Kaz to look. Second, his expressions and mannerisms were on point. And third, he had really good chemistry with Amita Suman (Inej) and Kit Young (Jesper). 

Inej: I feel like I keep repeating myself but once again I think this casting was perfect. Amita Suman as Inej just felt very right. Her portrayal of the character was amazing, she looked just as I imagined Inej would, and her chemistry with the other actors was incredible. 

Jesper: Once again great casting with Kit Young as Jesper. He got across that charisma and humour that Jesper is known for extremely well through his expressions and body language. He also appeared to have great chemistry with the rest of the cast. 

Nina: Another great choice to cast Danielle Galligan as Nina. I think she captured Nina’s energy or “vibe” perfectly with her voice and body language. 

Matthias: Calahan Skogman is exactly as I pictured Matthias to look so I think he was a great choice as well. 

Overall I think the casting, acting, and character portrayals in this show were spectacular so I would give it a 10/10.

3. Writing and storytelling/ How it was as an adaptation:

This is, in my opinion, the section with the most issues even though they were very few. 

Overall I think the writing was great. There were a few cliche pieces of a dialogue but those were very few. The dialogue for each of the characters felt natural and never felt out of character. As I mentioned previously, Mal and Alina’s dialogue had a warmth to it and their dynamic of childhood best friends came across really well through their dialogue. It did not feel as though they were trying really hard to have that dynamic. I also think it was a great decision to have the letters they wrote to each other be narration for many of the scenes that we saw them in. This was a great method of really getting across what they were feeling while they were apart and allowing the viewer to empathize with them. On the other hand a similar sort of technique was used with the crows. Whenever they were carrying out some sort of heist or mission, Kaz would be narrating the plan while we were watching it physically play out on screen. The dialogue between the crows was generally good and mostly in character. Their dynamic came across really well in a lot of their banter. 

With regards to the storytelling and as an adaptation, I also think the show did a pretty great job. Alina’s storyline was coherent and had a logical progression from beginning to end, following the major plot beats of the book. The main issue I have with it is that it felt rushed. I think adding an episode or two may really have helped with the pacing. It felt as though Alina learns about her powers and is taken to the Little Palace where she’s conflicted for maybe an episode and then suddenly she feels at home and like she belongs. We barely get to see her training at the Little Palace with Baghra or Botkin or see the development of her friendships with Marie and Nadia as well as with Genya. That part of her arc, which was a major part of it, felt rushed. Other than that I think the show did a good job of getting her from point A to B in a cohesive way.  

The crows storyline, I thought, was incredible because, since I am a big fan of the duology, I loved getting to see the crows and how they were before the events of Six of Crows. I think it was fun seeing their lives in Ketterdam and the way they worked before Nina, Matthias, or Wylan joined them. I was worried about how they would be incorporated in the story and that it would not feel natural but I think the decision to make their goal be to get Alina was a great way to tie them into the main storyline. It made sense with their characters that they would do something like that to get money and it made Alina’s storyline even more interesting. Getting to see interactions between the characters of both the trilogy and duology was one of the best parts of the show for me. Think about it. These were interactions we could only have hoped to see in the books and the show brought that to life and gave us those interactions. The crows’ storyline did feel a little less cohesive than Alina’s but this also made sense with their characters and the mission they had to carry out. There were many parts of the plan that needed to be completed, different heists and side missions, in order for them to reach their end goal which was kidnapping Alina from the Little Palace so it made sense that their storyline was a little less straightforward. Overall I think they had a very interesting and captivating story.

As an adaptation I think the show did quite well. Further down in this post I am going to discuss the major issues I had with the show as part of this section where I am discussing writing, storytelling, and the show as an adaptation. But in general I think the show did well in adapting the characters as well as Alina’s storyline. The crows’ storyline was obviously something that was not taken from the books but something that I could definitely see them doing. I think the show also did a great job of adapting the world and all of its intricacies as well as giving off that atmosphere that you get a sense of when reading the books. I also liked that there were many pieces of dialogue taken straight from the books which really made the characters of the show feel exactly like those of the book. 

Okay, now breaking down the few issues I had:

Kaz’s character: I think if we look at Kaz in the books, we can break his character down into two parts, the two defining parts:

His intelligence, wit, and strategic mind.

His cruel and brutal nature.

I think the show got both of these wrong on different levels. One of these can be explained while the other cannot. In the show, Kaz is not nearly as intelligent or strategic as he is shown to be in the books. We see on a number of occasions in the show that he has been taken advantage of or that he is not in the upperhand of a situation. I think that is a major change from his character in the book where one of the things you remembered about Kaz was how he was always ten steps ahead of his opponent. But this is an issue that can be explained and given depth by considering that the crows’ storyline in the show takes place prior to the events of Six of Crows and that at this point in time, Kaz hasn’t become that quick-witted, mastermind, strategist we know him to be in the books. We can see the beginnings of that character in the way he is portrayed in the show and can understand that his natural progression would be to the character from the books in the aspect of his intelligence. On the other hand however, there is still the second major part of his character and that part is a little bit of a bigger problem. That has to do with his completely cruel and brutal nature from the books. This was one of his major defining features and was very strongly rooted in his backstory. It was his past with Pekka Rollins and the death of his brother Jordie that brought about this ruthlessness in him. And what made his character so interesting and dynamic was how he was very slowly becoming a more caring person. It was a very slow progression but it was there nonetheless. You could see it in the way he cared for Inej and the rest of the crew. By the end he was still no where near being a gentleman, but there was still a change in him from the beginning to end. This is where I think the show messed up a little and it is an issue that I don’t really think can be resolved. The show made Kaz more soft and kind in nature. He definitely wasn’t entirely nice but you could tell he was a lot nicer compared to his book counterpart. Certain scenes in which he is talking to Inej felt a little too soft in particular the scene in which it almost seems as though he is about to confess something to her when she rushes out of the room and he calls after her. I don’t imagine book Kaz would ever do that. Or when he tells her that no one is like her. These are all moments where he appears to be much softer compared to the Kaz in the books that was cold and cruel. This is also an issue that cannot really be fixed in future seasons because the natural progression for the show then would be that he gets softer then he already is which means we will not get to see the Kaz from the books at all or with any accuracy.  If future seasons do make him exactly as he is in the duology then there will be the issue of it not feeling consistent with the character he was made to be in the shows. However I will end off by saying that even despite his character not being entirely accurate to that of the books, I still very much enjoyed watching every scene he was in and this issue did not ruin the overall experience of the show for me. I think what they did with his character still worked really well with the story, so overall it was not a major issue for me in changing my opinion of the show. 

Nina telling Matthias why she got him imprisoned as a slaver: This I find to be a greater problem that could have so easily been fixed by taking out just a few pieces of dialogue. I think a big part of what made Nina and Matthias’ story so heartbreaking was this pivotal moment when Nina turns him in as a slaver to save his life. And he doesn’t learn the truth until they reunite in the present day of Six of Crows. He spends that time in Hellgate believing that she betrayed him and that she really was the deceitful and dishonest witch he believed her and all other Grisha to be. Then when he finally does learn the truth, it is this big moment and then he has a slow progression to eventually believing it. The show eliminated the entire part of what made their story so tragic by having Nina tell him the truth of what happened immediately after she has him captured. So there is no possibility of this slow journey that Matthias has of accepting that truth. In the show he almost seems mean now for not believing or at least trying to believe what Nina tells him. Overall this is probably one of my biggest gripes with the whole show.

The Darkling creating the Fold: Another issue that could quite easily have been fixed is how the Darkling created the fold. The show made it to be that he came across a small slip of paper, he read what was on it, and then he gained the ability to create the Fold. That is too simple of an explanation for how something as grand as the Shadow Fold was created. I think this could have rather easily have been fixed so that even if it was still easy it wouldn’t be as easy as just happening upon a slip of paper. They could have done it by showing a montage of him looking through all the books in the archive and figuring out that there is some sort of code that he needed to put together and when he does piece it together and perform some sort of ritual, then he gains this ability to create the Fold. That would have made it more believable and the scene would only have been slightly longer than what it was in the show. 

Crows letting Alina escape: This was another issue I had that sort of adds to how they changed Kaz’s character because book Kaz would never have allowed Alina to escape so easily. Even the Kaz in the show would not have been outsmarted by Alina. This was one thing that felt a little out of character for the crows because, fine, I can understand that Alina blinded them for those few seconds with her light and Inej was not in on the plan of capturing her anymore, but how was Alina able to run out of sight so fast that neither Kaz nor Jesper saw where she went. Then on top of that, they aren’t discreet about finding her, as Kaz is always careful to be. Instead they go around the streets describing how she looks and asking people if they’ve seen her. I am not entirely sure what they could have done to solve this issue but I don’t believe the solution was very difficult. Maybe they could have explained through a short piece of dialogue that Alina used her power in a way that blinded them for more than thirty seconds which gave Alina enough time to get out of sight. Whatever the reason, I think this should not have been an issue because, despite seeming small, I think it says a lot about the crows’ characters. And I definitely don’t think this was a bad scene at all because I loved seeing this interaction and seeing Inej’s reaction to Alina. I just think the issue of Alina escaping so easily should have been addressed. 

For now, after watching the show just once, those were the major issues in writing and storytelling that I had with the show. If I have more thoughts about this after watching it again, I will make another post about it. Now I want to talk about some things that the show added that were not in the books and what was changed or kept from the books, that I liked. 

Mal’s character: The change that was made to Mal’s character in the show was probably the biggest and best change that could have been made. One of the major reasons I do not like the Shadow and Bone trilogy anywhere near as much as the Six of Crows duology is the characters. Sure, I found the world and plot interesting when I read the trilogy a few years back and even at times the characters were good, but a lot of the time I was either annoyed with Alina or with Mal. Most of the time it was Mal because he didn’t really feel like he was a great friend to Alina because of the way he treated her for being Grisha. I think a lot of my frustration with him also came from the story being entirely in Alina’s perspective so we never got to see any of what Mal was going through. The times that we did see him, he was either angry at or overly protective of Alina and there were only few occasions where he was being a good friend. The show really changed that with allowing us to see his perspective and all the difficulty and trauma he was going through to be with Alina. The show succeeded in making him an empathetic character and I think that is one of the most necessary things in creating a likeable character. Through his dialogue and actions, we were able to see how much he really cared for Alina. There were never any long stretches of time where he was angry with her or, on the other hand, where he was being overly protective of her. He was continuously being a good and supportive friend and that made the biggest difference in my liking his character. It is also what made me really enjoy Alina’s storyline as well because there was no point at which I found either Alina or Mal or any other character involved in their story, annoying to watch. 

No mourners no funerals: I was overjoyed when this line came up in the show because it is such an iconic line from the duology that I absolutely love and it was great to see it said on screen. Similarly, I was so glad that we also got to see Kaz say the line, “The deal is the deal.” and say it to Alina. 

Interactions between S&B and SoC characters: This was probably one of my favourite things about the show. It really felt like watching two worlds collide. I loved watching Kaz and Inej posing as guards and trying to escort Alina so they can take her. Watching Inej’s reactions to Alina was one of the best things. Then, Mal teaming up with the crows when they are in the Fold was one of the strangest but coolest interactions. Alina giving Inej the knife that she later names Sankta Alina was one of the best interactions I could have hoped for with the crossing of these two casts of characters. And to end it with Alina giving Kaz that valuable piece of jewelry, an interaction I never thought I would see, was incredible. 

Conductor: The addition of this character I think was a great idea. He definitely added to the storyline of the crows and was an interesting character on his own. He was the cause of a lot of the funniest dialogue and moments in the show like when the crows are crossing the fold for the first time. Overall, I think it was a good decision to add him in. 

Now last but not least, the thing that stole the show and beat everything else by far was:

(Drum roll)

Milo the goat!

And with nothing more to say about that, we’ve reached the conclusion of this very long post. My overall rating for this third and last section, which is regarding the writing and storytelling, would be an 8.5/10, a very good score. 

If I were to rate the show over all, I would give it a 9.3/10 because I think it was spectacular in many aspects. The few gripes I did have were not anything too major, though if those aspects were fixed I think this would be a top-tier show and adaptation for me. 

What do you think about everything that I said? Do you agree or disagree? I’d love to have a discussion so feel free to reach out and comment!

[justreadingfics]

His Girl (Revamped Version)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You’re perfect. Anyone who could read his thoughts would say he’s cheesy, but he genuinely can’t find a single flaw in you. Well, maybe the only problem is the man by your side.

Warnings: Angst, Cheating, Love Triangle, Pining, Smut, Revamped version of first fic written by the author, 18+.

Word Count: 4k.

A/N: Hi!! I’m sorry to say but this isn’t something entirely new. I’ve been thinking about revamping the first fic I’ve ever wrote for a while now. I love the story, but every time I read the original, it made me cringe for several reasons. I like this version better, but I haven’t sent this to a beta and you all know English isn’t my first nor my everyday language, so you may still find a significant number of cringy stuff, lol. If you read it and like it, don’t hold back on the feedback 😊 I’m tagging my permanent list.

Masterlist link on description.

He pays no mind to the loud beating of the music thundering into his ears, nor to the sea of dancing bodies and cheerful laughs around him as he makes a beeline for the bar. Another one of Tony’s big shindigs, one he can barely remember the reason for, if there ever has been one to start with…

He has lost count of how many he had to attend since he had joined the team. He hates it, of course he does. Everybody knows it… Bucky Barnes hates parties. He hates so many eyes which cross path with his, some condescending, some pitiful, others gleaming with fear… or hatred. He hates them all, but he knows he still deserves them all.  

It has been a slow process after he came back from Wakanda, where Shuri has finally found a treatment for the trigger words and other horrors Hydra had seen fit to grace his mind with. He still struggles… with social events, with talking to people, with letting them in, showing himself… What could they see if they really look?

He hates parties, yeah… but he goes to all of them. For one and only reason. He takes a seat by the bar and, while he waits for the whisky he just ordered, his gaze roams and search through the crowd, looking for the reason he’s there after all…

You.

It’s been like this from the moment he laid his eyes on you. His gaze always searching, seeking you, longing that the sight of you can ease the ache in his chest that comes with the absence of your touch. To be honest, Bucky can’t understand why you have this effect on him,  you two have barely exchanged more than two words and, even if his gaze is always sneakily on you, he shies away whenever you draw near. He rather keep his distance… he needs to.

But he’s completely and utterly infatuated by you. Not like he remembers much of his life, but he’s damn certain he has ever felt this way about anyone. Ever. He can’t stop thinking about how you held his left hand with no sign of hesitance when you two were introduced.  He was so entranced by you that he’s sure he has held on to your touch longer than socially acceptable, and yet you didn’t make a move to let go before he did. He’s obsessed by the way your hips swing from side to side when you walk,  by how you always looks straight into the eyes of whomever you’re talking to, the way your nose crinkles when you laugh and a small and adorable snort comes out of you… yeah, your laugh! The most amazing sound Bucky has ever heard. And there’s always a smile on your lips, for everyone.

Except for him.

Why, after that first time you two met, wouldn't you speak to him again?  Fear… That’s the only possible explanation in Bucky’s mind. Of course you would be frightened by him…The Winter Soldier, the Fist of Hydra, the Assassin… He may be called the White Wolf now, but it doesn’t erase what came before…  

With the whiskey now in his hands, his lips barely touch the glass when he finally spots you.

There you are, his reason, across the room, laughing while Sam says something. At that moment and every other moment, Bucky wishes he could be the lucky bastard who’s able to make you laugh like that. He takes a minute to take in the sight of the woman who he keeps up all night thinking about. You have your hair styled on that way you always have at parties. Bucky knows you choose that style because it’s easier and then you can do your hair yourself, oblivious to the fact that it drives him crazy with want to dive his fingers through your locks and tilt your head so he can ravish your neck with kisses and intake the sweet scent of you…

He gulps as his gaze falls down your body and he notices what you’re wearing that night. A long black dress. The side slit goes high enough to make Bucky’s heart speed up as he takes in the exposed skin of your thigh. The deep V neckline isn’t doing any good to his mental state either…

God, you’re perfect. Anyone who could read his thoughts would say he’s cheesy, but he genuinely can’t find a single flaw in you.

Well, maybe the only problem is the man by your side. Holding your hand the way Bucky only can in his dreams. The lump is thick on his throat at the reality.  

Steve Rogers. Captain America.

His Stevie. Bucky’s best friend and brother, the punk who started a fucking war with the rest of the World to defend him. The one who introduced you to Bucky.

You…

His girl.  

And that’s the reason why, besides the fact he damn sure scares the shit out of you, Bucky would never get to touch you, feel your skin on his. Breathe you in… Taste you…. The reason why he avoids any kind of close contact and is happy to worship your image from a distance. He can’t , by any means, give in to his feelings or get closer to you. He can’t take that chance.

He’s been fighting… against himself. He’s been dating around, trying hard to get you out of his head out of his very soul if he’s going to be honest.  But all he accomplished is to compare every single woman he’s seen with you, and wonder how it would feel if you were the one he was holding, kissing, making love to.

“Jesus, you’re so screwed.”

Drowned in his thoughts Bucky has missed the redhead approaching, martini in her hand, sitting on a stool next to him with a smirk on her lips.

“What are you talking about, Romanoff?” He tries to play the ignorance card, knowing damn well that it would be pointless. The stunning spy is able to read his mind like no other, Steve included. Maybe it’s their shared past, the one they never speak of, but lingers in the air. The ex-assassins simply understand each other.

“Please Barnes, you’re wounding me.”  Natasha rolls her eyes and brings the drink to her lips.  

Bucky bites on his lips before letting out a humorless chuckle, “That obvious, huh?” He says, defeat in his voice and a hint of worry that his secret may not be as hidden as he thought.

“To me, yes”.  She shrugs before spending a moment observing him, while he goes back to watching you across the room, hand in hand with his best friend.  With a sigh, Natasha kindly places her empty hand on the soldier’s shoulder. “Just be careful, Bucky. Neither of you have been much discreet lately. Everyone else is a bit dumb, but I don’t know…”

Bucky snaps his head back to her, as his eyebrows knit close together, spotting the rare sympathetic smile on her tightened lips.

“What do you mean? In what way she’s not being discreet?”  

The empathy on Natasha’s face falls and is swiftly turned into a familiar glare. Letting out a huff, she stands up and turns her back to him, leaving Bucky behind, mumbling words that his enhanced hearing catches as “Stupid Super Soldiers. No Serum in the brains, for sure”.

He’s left confused as he watches Natasha joining the rest of the gang who is now sitting by a round table close to the dance floor. As usual, she takes the chair next to Clint and orders for another drink. Bucky moves his eyes to Steve, who has his back to him, sitting across the Widow, leaning forward to say something to her. She responds by pointing to the bar where Bucky stands.

Steve turns his head to his best friend and whey their gazes meet, the blonde grins and waves, calling Bucky towards the gathered group.

Finding no way to decline the offer, Bucky sighs before he nods and heads to the table that is also accommodating Sam, Wanda and Maria Hill. Getting close, his heart rushes to his throat when notices that the only empty seat is the one next to you, who have your back turned to him.

“Hey Buck, come here and take a seat, the food is amazing,” Steve says with a mouthful, pointing with the fork to the mountain of food in his plate.

The fact that his fellow Super Soldier is the only one eating – the exorbitant amount of food- makes him think of the skinny kid from Brooklyn who could barely finish a whole glass of milk. The memory brings a warm smile to Bucky’s face, which fades as soon as he spots your stiffened shoulders as you glance nervously at the empty seat beside you, still avoiding to look at him.

“Ahm, I don’t know pal, I’m not really that hungry” Bucky replies, brushing the back of his neck. The last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable by imposing his closeness.

“Oh, come on Tin Can, grace us with your broodiness… It’s not like you have somewhere else to go. Or do you already have a broad waiting?” Sam asks, emphasizing the outdated slang in an attempt to tease his centenary friend.

Missing how you take a long sip from your own whiskey, Bucky pretends to be amused by the conversation and makes a face to Sam. He can’t find it in him to prolong the subject or to say no the puppy eyes Steve always wear to break him and never fails, so he pulls out a chair and takes his seat. Right beside you.

Steve goes back to his food and the group goes back to chatting. The words are far from the focus of his attention as it’s so damn easy for him to feel the heat irradiating from your body, so close to him all he has to do is... Bucky’s glad for Sam and his never stopping mouth as no one seems to notice how his whole body flinches when his right thigh ever so lightly brushes against yours under the table. He quickly pulls his leg away, but not before goosebumps spring unbidden across his skin at the brief yet burning touch.

He’s expecting you to move the chair closer to Steve, to prevent any kind of contact with him to happen, but… but instead, she leans back on his touch, seeking the overwhelming sensation again, brushing her leg against his and leaving it there.

All the sound around him fades away, replaced simply by the thundering sound of his beating heart.

Every single inch of him is completely stiffened when he rests his hand on his leg and by the corner of his eyes he sees you furtively doing the same thing. Feeling a rush of boldness and a lack of better judgment, he moves it closer to yours until your pinkies link between your laps. He feels dizzy when you softly caress his finger with yours and all of a sudden, like it’s the most natural thing to do, he has all of his fingers tightly interlocked with yours.

His holding hands with you under the table cloth and it’s so damn hard to breathe now. Bucky’s mind runs in full speed, matching his heart, but yet, for that moment, time seems to freeze and everything’s slow motion as a forbidden, yet beautiful promise takes over his senses.

No… It wasn’t fear the reason why she kept his distance from him… She’s touching him, he has her soft hands on his. And it feels so right…

“Are you ok, Barnes? You’re as pale as a ghost.”

Bucky’s stupor is swiftly interrupted by a familiar voice in the far distance. It’s Natasha, of fucking course.

The unwanted attention makes you quickly remove your hand and back away your leg.

Bucky feels empty.

“Ahm, Yeah I..I guess I need another drink, I’ll be right back” Bucky’s chair screeches against the floor as he stands up and leaves the table, choosing to ignore Natasha’s suspicious look. To his relief the rest of their friends are apparently unfazed and oblivious to anything.

In need of a place to calm his restless state, he heads to the rooftop. Getting out of the elevator, he takes in the fresh air, relishing into the breeze of the night and, watching the city lights, the puzzled events of the last couple of minutes keep running over in his mind.  You touched him… he can still feel the burning where your skin met and he knows that you were as much affected by it as him… What the hell’s happening?

The quietness of the rooftop is broken by the elevator ding behind him. His heart jumps when he turns his head and spots the person coming out of it. He can’t. He can’t hold back a second longer anymore, and without even thinking, he takes two quick steps, closing the distance between you and him to press his lips against yours. As he pulls you to him, you immediately kiss him back, one hand tangling in his lose locks, while the other snakes up his chest.

Without breaking the sloppy and needy kiss, Bucky pins you against the nearest wall. He’s so drunk in your taste, he doesn’t want to let you go…Not again. Not now. He feels the whiskey you’ve been drinking mixed with your Chapstick and something sweet, that he knows it’s all you and he thought he would never get to taste.

Finally…

Both of your arms circle his neck while one hand still holds the back of his hair in a grip. You gasp for air and Bucky takes the chance to ravish your collarbone with a trail of hot kisses, reaching your pulse point to lightly bite on it. You let out a moan and while you tighten  the hold on his locks, Bucky realizes he has never listened to anything as beautiful.

“I need you… Please.” You’re breathless when you whisper the words to his ear, reaching down between your bodies to palm the bulge straining his pants.

If Bucky had a tiny bit of control until then, it is completely lost now with the husky plea coming from your lips.  He captures your mouth once again, and moving quickly, he travels his hand up your exposed leg through the dress slit, burying his fingers under the band of your underwear to find the velvet skin already damp. He lightly brushes the little nub there and the sensation pulls a primal groan from him and a deep sigh from you through the kiss.  

Tangling his tongue into yours, he pulls the black lace material down and when it falls to your knees, you wiggle your legs to let it drop to the floor before you step out of it. Without breaking his lips from yours, Bucky quickly goes to his belt, as you pull the skirt of your dress by the side slid up to your waist. When his erection springs free, Bucky holds your leg up to open you for him and just can’t waste anymore time as he guides his impossibly hard cock to your wet entrance.

It’s almost too much… the sensation of being inside you, so damn close, the velvet heat tightening around him…a kind of intimacy he only dreamed about. You cling to him as he slowly pushes himself further and the air leaves him a sharp exhale when he bottoms out. Only then, your lips detach from his as your breaths come out short.  

Keeping your leg locked around his waist, he uses his metal hand to support himself on the wall, while you maintain a firm grip on his shoulders.  You two exchange gazes for what feels like the first time and for a moment you just stay like that, staring to each other, studying every little inch of each other’s faces… Getting acquainted… Body and soul, Bucky suspects, as something entirely new and powerful grows inside him. A sense of calm, of peace, of belonging…

When he starts to move, he goes slow at first, allowing you two to adjust to the overwhelming sensation. You fell so damn good around him, better than any day and night dream he ever had, he realizes, as his flesh hand leave your leg, secured around his waist, to pull down the shoulder straps of your dress. One, then the other, dropping down your arms and exposing your breasts to him.

Beautiful, so damn beautiful, it makes him breathless…

He watches as your eyes close and your lips part a little, whimpering in sheer ecstasy, when he grabs one of your breasts into his hand, never stopping the slow and deep move of his hips. He gently massages the soft flesh, and can’t take his eyes off your face as the slight shift of expressions in synch with his actions shows how much pleasure he’s giving to you.

“Oh, Bucky…”

Hearing the whisper of his name in your mouth, especially in such a sinful way, makes his heart melt and his cock twitch inside of you.  His thrusts grow faster and the two of you become a mess of heavy breaths and moans. Bodies glued together, your skin is hot against his and your breathe tingles over his neck. It’s perfect. And it feels so right, so damn right, when your pussy clenches around him…

He needs to feel it again and the frenzy you both share boosts when Bucky’s flesh fingers meet your clit.  He circles the nub in fast, harsh circles as you tighten your leg around him for support.  A slight change in the angle and the extra stimulation makes you let out a scream of pure ecstasy. He feels it coming as your cunt grips his cock in the most delicious way.

Your whole body shakes against him as you let out a wanton moan, signaling your climax. As you fall apart, Bucky’s fingers leave your heat to hold you tightly by your waist. He  knows he isn't going to last much longer, he just can’t, even if he wants to have you like this forever, breathless in the pleasure he’s provided you with while he can feel your heart thunders against your chest and your tongue brushing over the skin of his neck.

“I need to taste you,” you breathe and it startles him for a second when you push at his chest, forcing him to pull out of your pulsing heat.

His mind goes blank when you sink to your knees and grip the base of his cock, coated in your arousal, and your mouth wraps around the throbbing tip. He watches down in awe, supporting himself with both arms on the wall. Your soft lips around his cock makes him lose his fucking senses and a few bobs of your head is already too much for him to handle.

“I.. I’m … gonna…. ”, Bucky tries to warn you, only making you grab his ass and clutch his hips still, not letting him pull away from you.

He groans loudly and can’t hold back anymore before you take everything he has to offer, not missing a single drop of the most powerful orgasm he ever had.

Struggling to breathe and gather his thoughts again, Bucky offers his hand to help you get on your feet and pulls you in a tight embrace as his forehead leans against yours, sharing the blissful state.

He loves you.

If he didn’t know that before, it’s pretty damn clear now. He loves you and this love will ruin him. Of that he’s sure, while he holds your half naked body to his.

When breathing  isnt’t so hard anymore, you’re the first one to speak.

“I love Steve… I really do.”

Bucky’s eyes close and he sighs at the mention of his friend’s name.

“Yeah, I know, I love that punk too,” he responds matter-of-factly in a sad smile.

“You must think I´m a-” A sob breaks through your lips before you have the chance to continue.

“Shhh,” He whispers as he cups your face and uses his thumb to caress your cheek and wipe the tears falling down. “Never,” he assures you, shaking his head, “I would never think anything like that of you.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” you add, pleading for him to believe, and Bucky hates to hear the sorrow in your beautiful voice.

“I know sweetheart, I know…” He tries to sooth you, even if his own heart is breaking at how ashamed you seem to be of what just happened, prompting his own guilt to tighten his throat.

“I don't want to hurt him,” You add. “But you…” The whisper is low as you lean your face against the touch of his hand, shutting your eyes.  “God, I can’t take you of my mind ever since I first saw you, not matter how hard I tried. I’ve been going crazy,” You breathe hard as your eyes open and you look up at him, gripping hard the back of his suit with your hands.

Bucky’s heart beats harshly against his ribcage at your confession. “I know the feeling,” he says in the steadiest voice he can manage, keeping the brush of his thumb on your cheeks. “All I think about is you, all the time.” He almost can’t believe he’s actually telling you this, “I-I´m in-”

You don’t let him finish when you abruptly part from him, ceasing any kind of touch. The pained expression in your face is nothing but a plea, one that begs him: “please don’t say it”.

He doesn’t. He sulks in a breath and doesn’t say he’s completely and desperately in love with you and it feels so right even if he knows how damn wrong it is.

You bite on your lips and a heavy silence falls upon you as you fix your dress and hair, allowing him to put himself together, too. Your head drops, before you lean down and take your underwear from the floor.  

“This can’t … won’t happen again,” You manage to make your words convincing, standing up in front of him as your jaw clenches, holding the small piece of black lace tightly in your hand.

Bucky shuts his eyes and nods. He knew this was coming, but the fact does nothing to ease the pain of hearing those words.

When he feels your grip on his chin, his eye pop open. You two stare at each other for a long moment, sharing the words, the ones forbidden to be said out loud, before you lock your lips together again.  

As he pulls you to him, he focuses on every move, every touch, every sensation. Your tongue brushing against his, how he can feel himself and you through the sweet taste of your mouth, your skin, the shallow breaths and small whimpers, your hand into his hair… He clings to all of it. Memorizing how you feel, holding the sensations into his mind… his heart.

Bucky feels your hand slipping inside a pocket on his pants before you break the kiss and, without looking at him again, you run past him towards the elevator.

He sighs, bringing his fingers to his lips, as if this way he would make the phantom of your touch last longer… His gaze turns to the city lights when he hears the elevator going down and he places his hands inside his pockets.

His lips turn up in a longing smile, already missing the touch of yours, while his fingers play absent-mindedly with the piece of lace he finds inside his pocket.

He knows it would all come eventually, the sorrow, the guilt, the heartache. The pain. But at that moment, all he feels is you…

You….

His girl.

~~~~~~

The end. 

[onceuponastory]

Coming Back Home Chapter Two: I Am A Heart

“I am a heart that’s hard to pin, You are an arrow sticking in” - hey ocean!: i am a heart 

Read Chapter One: Hometown here!

Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable…until her sister asks her to show Nick around town…a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.

Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? Important: This story is based on a prompt by @orphicodysseywrites​. It’s a mix of prompts one and two from this post, so full credit for this idea goes to them! Warnings: There’s a few mentions of death in this chapter. If you’re sensitive to it and don’t want to read this chapter because of it, I totally understand <3 A/N: This is a very long chapter, almost 2,500 words long, so I hope you all enjoy it, lmao. As always, this chapter has been checked for errors, but if you see any pls do let me know. I’m going to be inactive this coming week, because I’m taking a little staycation to a place with very limited wifi, so if you send me a message/request, it might take me a while to respond. But I will respond ASAP! I will also be trying to work on chapter three/other stuff whilst I’m away, but I REALLY need this break, so pls don’t get mad if I don’t write anything.

Again, special thanks goes to my best friend Jo, aka @thesundrop​, who made this banner, and helped so much with planning this fic. Some of you may know her as @staticscreenwriting​, where she writes Billy fics. Check them out, they’re amazing!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Again, aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all go see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!

Adjusting my hair and outfit in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time, I sigh. “You look fine, stop adjusting your outfit...” I tell myself. “Nick’s not going to care how you look....right?” God, I’m a mess. Putting on yet more lipgloss, Jane’s voice echoes in my mind. 

“Both of you look so much like your mother. Especially you Y/N.” She was right, I did. Not that I had many memories of how my mother looked when she was still alive, but hours spent leafing through stacks of photo albums with my Nana and Katie when we were younger had made me more familiar with her and how she looked. She was gorgeous. I wish we had more time with her. If we had, our lives would be very different...and I would never have come to this town in the first place. Suddenly, I feel stinging sensation at my eyes. Aaaaand I’m crying. Great. Just what I fucking needed. A knock sounds at my door. 

“Y/N? Are you alright? You’ve been up here a while.” Nick’s voice sounds through the door. No, THIS is just what I fucking needed. Shit. Now he’s going to think I’m a total emotional weirdo who doesn’t want to spend time with him. Not that that was a TOTAL lie, I did want to spend time with him....just anywhere but here. Oh, he’s going to hate me. “If you’re not feeling well or something’s come up, we could do this another time?” Nick continues, and I sigh again. He’s so sweet. I can’t let him down. Quickly trying to stop the tears from falling, I open the door, and Nick smiles. “Hi. You look great.” I immediately blush.

“Thanks...Oh! So do you!” I gasp, trying not to seem awkward.

“Thank you.” Nick chuckles. He looks at me closer, and his eyebrows furrow together. “Are you okay? Have you been crying?” He asks. 

“Uh, no! It’s just...allergies.” I lie. “The dust in this house is terrible. So...shall we head out?” I ask, and Nick nods. The two of us walk downstairs.

“Byeeee you two! Have fun!” Katie’s voice calls from the living room. Oh, I’m sure I will. 

“So, what do you wanna do?” Nick asks as the two of us leave the house. 

“I don’t mind. I mean, we could go to the park, or for a coffee....or just, a walk in the woods?” I suggest. “Actually, maybe not the woods. There may be an axe murderer, or the big bad wolf or something.” I immediately cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth, and Nick laughs. Oh god, he’s laughing at me and how cringy I am.

“I mean, I didn’t personally think of that, but that’s a valid concern. I think we should take the park then.” He says, and I nod. “This way?” He points towards the town, and I nod. He sets off, leaving me standing there. 

Well, that went better than expected. Oh right, I better go catch up with him. 

“So, how long did you two live here?” Nick asks as we both walk closer into town. 

“Um, about...sixteen years.” I work out the maths in my head. “We moved here when I was four, and Katie was two. We both left to go to college.”

“Oh! I thought this was where you guys were born.”

“Nooo, we just call it our hometown cause we’ve lived here from such a young age. At this point, it feels like our hometown. We’re actually from New York City, and we both moved back there for college. I live there full time now. Katie’s in New Jersey.” I explain.

“Oh, what a coincidence! I live in New York too.” Nick smiles. “Small world, right?” I nod. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, why did your parents pick here to move? This place is nice and all, but it’s a lot different than New York.” He asks. A memory flashes through my mind. 

“What the hell do you expect me to do? I can’t look after them! This shithole is the best option, and you know it.” I shudder, hoping Nick doesn’t notice. 

“Um....just personal circumstances really. Our Dad wanted a change of pace and scenery for us. He thought the city was too busy for us to grow up in.” Nick nods, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted. I look up at the sky and see the leaves on the trees. Some were bright orange, whilst others were red. I sigh happily. “You gotta hand it to my sister, she picked one of the most beautiful times of year to get married.” 

“Yeah, beautiful.” Nick mumbles, and I look back over at him to see him looking at me. 

“What?” His eyes go wide.

“Nothing! Just agreeing with you!” He gasps, before continuing to walk. Okay, that was weird. I shrug it off and follow him down the street. After a while, we reach the park and begin to walk around together. The two of us are silent as we take in the scenery around us. The leaves crunch under our feet. I was right, this time of year really was beautiful. The cold wind blows, and I shiver. “Want my jacket?” Nick asks. 

“No thanks, I’m okay.” I smile. But come on, giving a girl his jacket? That’s so cliché...and so damn cute.

“Want to go on the swings? That might warm you up a bit.” He suggests. Another memory enters my mind.

“When’s he coming back?” I ask, tugging on her skirt. “I miss him.

“...Soon, sweetheart. He’ll be back soon. Why don’t you go and play on the swings and I’ll come over and give you a push in a minute?” She suggests, and I nod vigorously.

“Okay! See you in a minute!” I call, running towards the swings.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go on the swings.”

~~~

A few hours later, Nick and I were in the local coffee shop, chatting about everything from our interests to our time at college. “So when do you want to practise our big dance number?” Nick asks, taking a sip of his coffee. I sigh.

“Oh right, I forgot we’re meant to plan that at some point.” Nick chuckles. “So, what song do you want to pick?” Nick shrugs.

“It’s up to you, I’m okay with whatever.” I raise an eyebrow.

“Really? I don’t think Katie would be happy if we picked something like Baby Got Back to dance to.” Nick bursts out laughing. 

“You’re right. But it would be funny. Any suggestions?” I shake my head.

“I mean there’s so many...maybe something slow? Or something more upbeat?”

“Well we have some time, so why don’t we each make a list and pick one?” He offers. I nod. “You know, I had a really nice time today...” Nick begins. I smile.

“Me too.” And I actually meant it. Despite how much I was dreading this, it went better than I expected. My phone rings, and I take it out of my bag. “Hey, Katie...Yes, I know...Okay, I’ll be back soon. Bye.” I hang up. 

“Everything alright?” Nick asks.

“Sorry, turns out I’m urgently needed for some maid of honour duties, so I gotta go. Are you okay here, or do you wanna walk back to the house with me?” Nick waves me off.

“No, don’t worry, you go on. I need to take care of something in town anyways. See you later.”

“Bye, Nick.” I leave the coffee shop, and start the walk back to the house, almost feeling a spring was in my step. For the first time since being back here, I was happy. I was comfortable. And it was all thanks to Nick. I soon reach Nana’s house and walk inside. “Helloooo!” I call.

“Well, someone sounds happy.” Katie’s voice sounds from the living room. She comes out to greet me. “Oh. My. God. Look at the smile on your face!” She gasps. 

“I had a great time with Nick today.” I explain.

“I can see that. Guess my big sister has the hots for the best man, huh?” She teases. My eyes widen.

“No, I don’t!” My cheeks flush. 

“Mhm sure. Deny it all you want, I can tell. Anyway, come on you, we need to make the centrepieces.” I wasn’t in love with Nick. I may love spending time with him, but I absolutely was NOT in love with him.

~~~

That Night

"We are here today to honour the life of Rose L/N.” The priest begins. “She was a light in the lives of many, especially her two granddaughters, Y/N and Katie, who she is survived by. For most of their lives, she was also their guardian.” 

“He’s not here.” Katie whispers in my ear. I discretely roll my eyes.

“Of course he isn’t. He stopped caring a long time ago.” I reply. I find her hand beside mine and give it a squeeze. “We have to be strong together now, like she said. It’s just us now.”

My eyes open, and I look around the room for a moment to get my bearings. I’m still in my childhood bedroom. It was just a dream. A dream featuring our past. A past I had tried to run from. Of course, it found a way to find me again. It has a funny way of doing that. My eyes drift over to the bedside table, displaying a picture of Katie and I with our Nana from many years ago. I smile softly and run my fingers over the image. “I miss you, Nana. I wish you were still here. To guide me...to guide us.” Laying back on my pillows, I sigh and hold the picture close. “Maybe if you were still here, I wouldn’t be such a mess.”

~~~

One Week Later - Fifteen Days Until the Wedding

“I’m just saying, Cinderella continues to be the best live-action Disney adaptation. It’s faithful to the story, the costumes are great, and it’s just so cute!” I exclaim, trying to stifle a yawn in the process. I was still having nightmares and barely sleeping. Thankfully, I was managing to hide it well, and nobody suspected anything. If they did, I could just lie and say I was up late working on bachelorette party plans and lost track of time. Nick laughs. “What?”

“I love that this is what you’re passionate about.” He grins.

“Well, I’m absolutely right.” I tell him, and he nods.

“Oh, absolutely.” I had a feeling that he had no idea what I was talking about, which was usually the case. But he agreed with me anyway, which I appreciated. Despite all my nightmares and bad memories, spending almost every day with Nick was helping me feel happier, and far more comfortable. It also took my mind off of my nightmares from the previous night. Nick was lovely, and I actually felt upset whenever we had to go back to the house. The fact he was gorgeous helped too, of course. Before I can say anything else, I suddenly spot the town’s bakery and walk over to the window. 

“Look at all these cakes.” I smile. “Oh my god, those cupcakes still look delicious.” I state, staring through the window at them. “My Nana used to bring Katie and me here every Friday after school, and we’d each get a cupcake. I always chose the birthday cake ones, cause it felt like we had a birthday celebration every week.” I smile fondly. “It’s one of my favourite memories of her.”

“Do you want one?” Nick asks, causing me to look over at him. “Seriously, do you want one?” He repeats, taking out his wallet. “They do look amazing. And after all, today is Friday. Can’t waste traditions.” He smiles, and his smile almost makes my heart do backflips.

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Seriously.” Nick opens the door of the bakery. I hear the wind-chimes over the door sound as we both walk in, just like they did all those years ago. The smell of baking is everywhere, filling me with a sense of comfort.

“Oh god, I remember this smell. It’s so...familiar.” I whisper to myself, closing my eyes. In that moment, I feel like I’m a little kid spending time with my Nana again. But when I open my eyes, I’m back to my real life, and the nostalgia is gone.

“I’m coming, just give me a few minutes!” Someone calls from through the back of the bakery.

“Opal?” I ask. Opal was the owner of the bakery...at least when I still lived in Saint Chase. Like Jane, she was friendly and welcoming, and every customer was her friend. She always used to sneak Katie and I samples of her new loaves of bread and cakes before we went to school in the mornings. If we liked them, they stayed. She always called us her honorary business partners. Of course, now I know she probably said that to every kid who wandered in, but it made kid me feel great.

“That’s my name, don’t wear- oh!” She gasps, immediately retreating back through the door she came from. Nick and I give each other a confused look. Rose returns a few moments later, carrying a small cake.“Katie! You look so different from the last time I saw you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” She grasps my hand and shakes it vigorously, then does the same to Nick’s hand. “Want to see a preview of the cake? This is in no way finished, but it’s just a small sample of the real thing.”

“Oh no, I-”

 “We’re not-” Nick and I begin, but Opal ignores us. 

"You two are going to just love it.”

“Opal! I’m not Katie!” I insist. She gasps, and her eyes go wide. “Katie is my sister. This is Nick. He’s the best man.”

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.” Her face goes red. Nick and I reassure her that it’s okay. “Anyway, what can I get you?” Nick and I order our cupcakes, and she rings them up for us. Nick opens his wallet to pay for them, but Opal shakes her head. “No, please, these are on me. Count it as an apology...Seriously. I’m so sorry about the mixup.”

“Well, thank you!″ Nick smiles, taking the cakes and walking towards the door. 

“Y/N...” Opal beckons me in closer, and I lean in. “I just have to say, you two are adorable together. I’m still sorry for my mistake, but honestly, you two look like a great couple.”

“We’re not-”

“Everything okay?” Nick asks.

“Oh! Yeah. Opal just wanted to ask me when we’re picking up the wedding cake.” I lie, giving Opal a pointed look. She nods vigorously. “Come on, let’s go. Bye Opal.” I say quickly, walking towards the door. She waves goodbye to us as we leave the store. Once we’re outside, Nick passes over my cake, taking a bite of his. 

“Oh. My. God.” He moans happily. “That’s incredible.” 

“Right?” I agree, taking a bite of mine. “It’s just as good as I remember.” Nick starts laughing at me again, and my eyes widen. “What? Did I say something weird?”

“You have icing on your face.” He responds. Of course I do. I’m a walking cliché, honestly. “Actually, you know what? I don’t care. This cake is that good.” I take another bite. “And besides, so do you.”

~~~

Later That Day

“That one looks like a dog.”

“A dog? No way. It looks like a hamster.”

“How the fuck does it look like a hamster?” Nick frowns.

“How the fuck does it look like a dog?” I respond, raising my eyebrow. Nick laughs. The two of us had finished eating our cupcakes (and wiped our faces), and were back in the park, drinking coffee and trying to see if we could tell what shape the clouds were.

“Guess we gotta agree to disagree.” I smile. “Even though I’m totally right.”

“Of course you are.” He says sarcastically, and I gasp in mock annoyance. But I don’t detect any malice from his comment...well, I hoped he wasn’t actually annoyed with me or anything, but he didn’t seem to be. Like I said before, I felt comfortable with Nick. Even though we had met a week ago, it felt like the two of us could joke with each other to our hearts content, neither meaning anything bad by it. It was weird how close we were, despite not knowing each other for that long.  “Uh, Nick?” I ask, looking up again.

“Mhm?”

“Do those ones look like rain clouds, or is that just me?”

“I think you’re right, it’s-” The heavens open before he can even finish his sentence. “Oh god, okay, come on, I saw a bike shed or something over there, we can hide out there until it stops.” Nick tells me, quickly taking his jacket off and throwing it at me.

“What’s this for?!” I ask.

“What do you think it’s for?! It’s to hold over our heads!” Nick shouts. “Now come on, let’s go.” He holds out his hand, and I take it. He pulls me up. “Ready to run?” He asks. I nod. The two of us begin running through the park, holding Nick’s jacket over our heads with one hand each. We laugh as we run, trying to avoid slipping on the damp leaves or falling over. We soon reach the shelter, and Nick and I jump under it. The shelter is small, so our bodies are pressed up close against each other. I’m aware of the scent of his cologne again. Nick’s body is warm against mine as he wraps the jacket around my shoulders. 

“You don’t have to give me your jacket.” I protest, but he insists.

“Don’t be silly. What would your sister say if I made her maid of honour catch a cold?” He asks.

“The same thing she’d say if the best man caught a cold.” I reply, trying to take the jacket off. Nick reaches out, gently placing his hands on my arms, stopping me. It feels like electricity runs up my arms as he touches them.

“Y/N, don’t worry about it. Honestly.” The two of us stand there, Nick still holding onto my arms. But it feels good. It feels...right. Nick keeps looking at me. 

“Do I still have some icing on my lips?” I ask. Nick shakes his head. 

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles loud enough for me to hear. Whether I was supposed to hear it or not, I wasn’t sure. Nick leans closer to me, and my brain immediately goes:

“He’s going to kiss me. Oh my god, he’s going to kiss me. Do I even want him to kiss me?” And I realise that...I think I do want him to kiss me. Nick’s head moves closer to mine, and my head rises up to meet his. But just as our lips are about to touch, my phone rings, causing us to break apart. Dammit. I take my phone out, seeing Katie’s name flash on the screen. She always has the best timing. “Hey Katie. What’s up? ...Yeah it’s raining really badly. Yeah, a lift back would be great. We’re at the park. Okay, see you soon. Love you too. Bye.” Hanging up, I sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Nick responds. However, despite him saying that, it still felt like the air around us had changed. It wasn’t like we could go back to where we left off either, because everything felt awkward now.

Shit.

~~~

That Night

“Be good for your Daddy, okay Y/N?” She bends down and presses a kiss to my forehead. I nod. “I know I can trust you to help him look after your sister, right?”

“Of course, Mommy!” She grins, and pulls me in for a tight squeeze.

“There’s my smart girl.  I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I nod again.

“Have fun, Mommy!” I call, as she walks out of the door. And then, she was gone. The image changes into something else. “Daddy? Where’s Mommy? Why are you crying?” He blinks rapidly and bends down to my eye level.

“Mommy’s had to go, sweetie.” He explains.

“But...but where? She was meant to take me to kindergarten!” He looks away from me.

“I’m sorry. Your mommy’s an angel...she’s not coming back.”

Gasping, I sit up in bed again, looking around the room. My heart is racing. “It’s just a bad dream...Just a bad dream...” I tell myself, trying desperately to calm myself down. Getting out of bed, I cross over to the window, trying to ignore my shaking hands, and peek out at the night sky. Rows and rows of trees disappear into the darkness. “It’s not real. She died almost twenty years ago. It’s just a bad dream.” Clenching my fists, I furiously wipe at my eyes. "Dammit!” I curse.

I hadn’t had nightmares about the death of our mother in at least fifteen years. I thought I was finally getting better. Of course, life had other ideas. “I knew I should never have fucking come back here.” I hiss. That’s why still had bad dreams, because I was back here. I should’ve said no and ran when I had the choice. No, no, that’s stupid. Of course I couldn’t have said no. I could never let Katie down. God knows life let us down enough times already. No, I need to stop blaming the town for my problems. It’s my fault. I thought I was ready and healed, but obviously, I’m not. God, I need a drink. 

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I leave my room and tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen, using my phone torch as a light source. Once I reach the kitchen and flash my light into the room, I almost jump out of my skin when I see a figure sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey, I- Y/N?” Nick blinks his eyes, clearly startled by the bright light of my phone.

“Jesus Christ Nick! I thought you were a fucking murderer!” I gasp. He frowns.

“A murderer...who sits at the kitchen table? Anyway, why are you up so late? It’s like 2am!” I switch the light on. 

“I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here scaring the life out of me at 2am?” He holds up some paper. 

“Best man’s speech. I had a stroke of genius and decided to write some of it.”

“In the middle of the night? In the darkness? And people say I’m weird.” Nick chuckles. I cross over to the cupboards and get out some mugs to make tea. “Want some tea?” I ask, and he nods.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. What brings you here at this hour?”

“Oh I just love hanging out with men in kitchens at 2am, didn’t Katie tell you?” I tease, filling the kettle and putting it on to boil. Nick laughs. I can’t tell him the truth. Then he would think I was weird. “But seriously. Couldn’t sleep.” I mean, that wasn’t a total lie. Nick didn’t have to know the truth. “How’s the speech going?”

“Ehhh?” Nick responds. I turn back to him and raise an eyebrow. “Not well.”

“I can tell.” The kettle finishes boiling, and I pour the water into the mugs. “But I’m here now, so you have an extra person to help you.”

~~~

One Hour Later

“Y/N...Y/N?” I hear someone whispering. Is someone....nudging me? I look up. Why was my head on the table? I notice that Nick has scooted closer to me. Is he the one nudging me?

“Mmm, Nick...whashappenin?” I mumble. 

“You fell asleep.” He explains. I shoot up in my seat and rub my eyes. 

“What?!” I gasp. “Why didn’t you wake me up?! I was meant to be helping you with your speech!” 

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Nick reassures me. “You looked really tired, so I thought I’d let you sleep. You sure you’re okay?” He asks. Before I can say anything in response, I yawn. “Guess that answers my question. I think you should go to bed.” I shake my head.

“Nope. I’m not....” I cut myself off with another yawn. Nick gives me a look. “...Okay, maybe I’m a little bit tired.” I admit.

“Mhm. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He helps me up. I protest, but he continues to do so. “Y/N, trust me. You need some sleep. You’ll thank me later.” I realise he’s probably right. So, I let him lead me upstairs and into my bedroom, his hand resting on the small of my back. “So uh....can you take care of yourself from here?” He asks. I chuckle softly and nod.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks Nick.” I smile. “Goodnight.”

“Night Y/N.” 

~~~

The Next Morning - Thirteen Days Until the Wedding

“You invited Great Aunt Hilda? Seriously? All she’s going to do is talk about her cats.” 

“That’s why she’s sitting with you. At least you’ll have something in common.” Katie jokes. I jokingly punch her in the arm. “Hey!” She laughs. The two of us were spending the day arranging seating charts and finalising the seating plan. So far, it was all going well, and we managed to make it fun. “Oh, god.” Katie wrinkles her nose. “I forgot both Uncle Chris and Aunt Pamela said yes, AND they’re bringing plus ones. That’s gonna be rough.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Didn’t they get divorced like three years ago?” I ask.

“Yeah, but I don’t think Aunt Pam’s gonna be a fan of his plus one....” She raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh right, he dumped her for his secretary, the one with the big boobs, didn’t he? Are they still together?”

“Yuuuup. She’s the plus one.”

“Better sit those two as far away from each other as possible then...” I mumble, trying to arrange the tables on my side of the chart as best as I can. Studying the rest of the little figures representing people, I frown, seeing one I haven’t seen before. One I definitely did not expect to see. I pick it up, and my eyes go wide. “Uh, Katie?”

“Mhm?”

“...Why does our Dad have a seating place?”

[purplebunny0517]

Thoughts on Ep2 of Harley Quinn Animated Series

Okay this is going to be a super long rant but I need to say it out loud. Though I definitely enjoy so many beautiful moments of Harlivy, like how Ivy would damage her precious plants to block bullets for Harley or that classic “over my dead body” scene, there were some REALLY cringing scenes as well.

I mean, dear writer, do you know Ivy? The villain who was turned into half human, half plant after she was betrayed by a man and was disappointed in mankind ever since, who only ever manipulate men for her own gain, and, to my best knowledge, has never taken a partner of any sorts in the past dacades of comics? That Ivy? She doesn't need a man. The only things in her life are plants and Harley. AND if she has to take someone (that is not Harley because that would be g*y), at least let it be Swamp Thing or some other people who can actually get her and understand her motives, dreams, like a real supportive partner, or I don't know, a decent human being? Because this D-list Kite Man dude is giving me all of those terrible flashbacks of "cis straight white dude who thinks he's cool and funny but really just treat women shit and can never take a hint". He was being such a creep and I am genuinely surprised that as someone who generally doesn't have much patience around men, let alone a stupid one, Ivy didn't at least slap him, because I surely would have. Yes, I know they are not a thing (please don't ever let them be a thing oh my god) but believe it or not funny dudes there are some basic manners toward women hon it's not always about you and your stupid ego.

(Also as someone who really should have known better from all of those prior expriences from queerbaiting and whatnot, as toxic this possible relationship is this is still a lot more likely to happen than Harlivy because we live in a straight world and no homo, duh.) 

I am really tired of all those "gal pal" shit talk and the fact that it was made as a joke in the episode is just, wow, a really low blow. Ivy has abandoned destroying the world (by the general standard) before, twice, for Harley, and she would absolutely fight the whole world to protect Harley, and this will always be called "beautiful female friendship". Look, I get it. Harley and Ivy can be as gay as they want in multiverse (a formal couple in Bombshells (read it! this series was never given enough credits for all of Marguerite Bennett's amazing work) and a married one in Injustice) but in the more mainstream ones they can only be bff. I'm totally okay with that. In my pop culture we call it "we all call it friendship on the front but we all know they are in love". It's fun to watch them do all the stuff that tbh friends don't normally do but still call them friends. But to call it out like that? It's disturbing. The way it was spoken through Joker's mouth that they are friends while apparently doing something that is not, but everyone knows exactly why they can only be called as such? Eeesh.

Also the last part, with all those kids. I can't even begin to tell how cringy it was. I understand there are of course a certain level of comedy in there, but I don't know this Ivy. Yes, she kisses many men, but to her it was only a mean to an end. She is someone who is in total control of her own life, her body, a truly powerful, independent woman. If she feels like saving those kids with her kissing is something she wants to do, she will do it with the dignity fit for a queen, because that is who she is. She is the mother nature, a force to be reckoned with. This show is called Harley Quinn, but that shouldn't mean everyone else deserves to be left in the shadows being her foils.

(Of fking course, except Joker. He deserves the worst fate the human history could ever fathom. I fking hate him so much.)

[awkwardtaco056]

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids. 

 During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide. 

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine  shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

 I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me. 

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified.  I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me. 

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim. 

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

[blueishfood]

Her handsome boy, Chapter 4

Pairing: Adrienette, Ninya (in the background)

Words: 1,7 k

Warning(s): Maybe some cringy singing? Uncle Jagged, because he needs a warning.

Summary: Alya, Marinette, Nino and Adrien are seniors (18 y/o) and as Marinette, biker girl supreme, discovers Alya’s crush on the music-nerd Nino Lahiffe she starts to question if she also has a crush on a certain goody-two-shoes-boy.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but damn it I love this chapter. It is honestly my favourite so far!

Prolouge

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

The glamour of the city centre dimmed behind the motorcycle just as the yellow lights of the streets shone up before the pair. Adrien looked around with a newfound curiosity. He had never been allowed to pass these streets. They were known for being rough and filled to the brim with criminals.

Every street corner was crowded with beggars and people in dark attire. The people looked up as they drove past. Adrien felt the need to hide his face. He needed to leave, but he was so damn curious, so he kept holding on to Marinette’s strong form.

Marinette didn’t seem at all concerned. She fit right in with her leather jacket and combat boots. It was if this part of town raised the bloody knuckled parts of her.

The houses were a lot darker than what Adrien was used to but Marinette pulled over by a particularly dark building. It looked just about ready to fall. The building was dusty where it leaned on the building beside it. Adrien stepped off the cycle first and took off his helmet.

The word “Shell-ter” hung on a piece of wood carved like a turtle over the entrance. Adrien snorted at the awful pun. Marinette raised her eyebrows at him and put their helmets in a room under the seat.

“That pun sucks.” She told him shaking her head at the sign.

“I already love this place.” He turned to her with a toothy grin. Marinette giggled and strutted inside.

The inside of the bar was worse than the outside. Huge men lounged around in beat down chairs, drinking beers and laughing loudly. Adrien had never seen anything like this in real life. Sure, he had watched the movies but, wow.

Marinette wandered between the chairs with an ease Adrien did not have. She patted the shoulder of a huge man in an apron. “Hey André!” She shouted over the laughing and the music.

The man turned, grinning. He had a red scarf tied around his neck and tattoos prided his bare arms. Adrien thought they looked like ice cream cones, but he could be wrong.

“You’re skipping school?” He asked, shaking his head in fake disappointment. “What would your parents say about that, bug?” Marinette laughed.

“Shut it Glace.” She punched his shoulder as André chuckled loudly and walked Marinette on, Adrien following her a way back. Before he could catch up to her someone stopped him.

The hand belonged to a man with dark purple hair. The black eyeshadow made his eyes look bigger. The man wore a black leather jacket, golden strings hung from his shoulder like an admiral. The man grinned, his white teeth almost blinding in the dark room.

“’Ello there, lad.” He said, his spiky leather finger gloves rough around Adrien’s wrist. “Did you arrive with the little lady?” He gestured at Marinette who had stopped to look at the two of them. Adrien nodded.

“I did.” He smiled at Marinette who was heading back for them, manoeuvring between the badly placed chairs as easy as nothing. The man smirked and patted Adrien’s shoulder.

“Good for you lad! Marinette never brings anyone here!” The man elbowed him in the side. “You must be somethin’ special, eh?” Marinette rolled her eyes fondly and slung an arm over the man’s shoulder.

“Adrien, this is Jagged. He’s an ass, but you learn to love it.” Marinette teased, dodging as Jagged lounged for her. Adrien smiled and stretched out a hand.

“Nice to meet you sir.” Jagged’s eyes flicked between Adrien’s pale hand and Marinette. He shook his head, jokingly disappointed.

“You just had to get someone proper, didn’t you?” He sighed, grabbing Adrien’s arm again. “I’ll just borrow ‘im for a bit, you don’t mind, do you bug?” Jagged smiled and ruffled Marinette’s hair, but she quickly ducked away from his hand.

“I’ve got something I have to take care of anyway.” She stated, nodding at the beat down stage further down the bar. “Play nice!” She warned as she disappeared in the crowd, winking once back at Adrien.

Jagged dragged Adrien back where he’d come from, the dark shadows of the underworld. Or well, not really, just a bit further back to the seats covered in smoke. Adrien sent a desperate glance back to where Marinette had been standing and almost feel her enjoying his discomfort even if he couldn’t see her. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts and decided to go with the flow.

Danger and discomfort? He almost sounded like his father. And that was not who he was going to be today. Not ever if he could have a say in it.

Before he could think any further, he was shoved into a leather chair by a round wooden table and surrounded by men and women much larger than him. Jagged was positioned right in front of him. The man grinned wide.

“This is the one, lads.” He gestured to Adrien with his spiky leather glove. “The little lady has chosen a champion!” Jagged chuckled at his own joke as the others around the table turned to Adrien with a new interest.

“What kind of trouble are you, ey?” A woman with white hair asked. She wore dark biker gloves and a huge leather jacket that would have drowned any other woman her size, but somehow seemed to fit her.

“All the good kinds.” Adrien didn’t register what he was saying before it had already slipped out. He cringed. Crap. Did he get that from some anime? He probably had.

The woman laughed unexpectedly and a man wearing a blue cap slapped him in the back, so Adrien almost forgot how to breathe.

“I like this kid!” The woman exclaimed loudly to the rest of the table. “I’m Gina by the way, and that’s Roger.” She pointed to the man in the blue cap.

“We know Mari can take care of herself,” Roger stated, he wore a high collar shirt, but Adrien could see tattoos slithering up the side of his neck. “But she always seems to find the dangerous people.” The man added, chuckling. “How did you think she found us?”

Not for the first time, Adrien wondered how many crimes these people had committed.

Once again he didn’t have time to let his thoughts stray as a known tune blasted through the bar. The people around him stood from their chairs and started cheering. Adrien understood that something big was going on.

Jagged climbed up on his chair, cheering louder than anyone in the room.

“You’re in for a real show now, kid!” Gina shouted, laughing loudly.

And that was when he saw her. Standing on one of the tables near the other end of the bar, microphone in hand, her hips swinging to the beat of Michael Jackson’s “Beat it”. Her leg pumped with the tune, and her hair was loose.

“They told him don't you ever come around here Don't want to see your face, you better disappear The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear So beat it, just beat it”

Marinette walked forward with the beat, her boots tramping against the tables as she jumped from one to the next at “so beat it, just beat it”. Drinks spilling over the sides. Neither the bartender nor the customers seemed to mind.

“You better run, you better do what you can Don't want to see no blood, don't be a macho man!”

“Oh!” Jagged shouted with glee, pumping his hand in the air while rushing forward.

You want to be tough, better do what you can So beat it, but you want to be bad”

She didn’t sing like an angel, but it wasn’t bad either. It was simply the most human thing Adrien had ever seen or heard. Her voice raw and rough, but it didn’t matter. Not when she was here with her friends.

Adrien didn’t think as he pushed through the crowd and jumped onto a table, trying to reach her.

“Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it”

The crowd answered when she sung, and thought she was glowing.Adrien slipped on the sticky table but was caught by the crowd and carried to his girl.

“No one wants to be defeated”

When Adrien finally reached Marinette’s table, he was thrown on to it. He almost stumbled off the other side, but Marinette caught him. He started singing part of the lyrics with her.

“Showin' how funky and strong is your fight”

He flexed obnoxiously and laughed as Marinette flicked his nose

“It doesn't matter who's wrong or right”

He leaned back when she leant forward and the other way around as if it was all choreographed.

“Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it”

Marinette put a finger to Adrien’s chest and pushed him backwards, forcing him to step down from the table.

“They're out to get you, better leave while you can Don't want to be a boy, you want to be a man You want to stay alive, better do what you can So beat it, just beat it”

Adrien sat down on a knee and grasped her hand in a proposal as she danced away from him, grinning wildly.

“You have to show them that you're really not scared You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare”

She turned around with a swing in her hips and smiled to him as she clambered back onto the table.

“They'll kick you, then they beat you,”

She kicked and punched towards the crowd and they jumped back, laughing.

“Then they'll tell you it's fair So beat it,”

She waved her hand as if dismissing someone.

“but you want to be bad!”

Marinette grinned as Jagged came up behind her and lifted her onto his shoulders. Like that they ran around the bar, shouting and making noise while the crowd sung for her.

“Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it No one wants to be defeated Showin' how funky and strong is your fight It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it”

They repeated the chorus until the song ended, Marinette turning the microphone to the crowd as they all jumped up and down.

It was all like nothing Adrien had ever seen. And even if he hadn’t had much experience in the unpolished world, he knew that this, that she was something special.

@rhi2018 @thevixentimelord @mkiahb @dont-panic-to-much @nii-facedaingeal @our-cool-jenny @miraculousbuebird@coccinellegirl @littlebluewhalen @http-mitch @sarsoora55@legitsadness 

[jellybeanbeing]

Rereads I Ended Up Not Liking

I recently reread a lot of my old favorites and did not like a lot of them, unfortunately. Disclaimer: If you like these books, great. Keep loving them. They just didn’t work for me. I’m not trying to offend anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Okay, on to the list.

1. The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter -

This is the one that I’m the most sad about because it was one of my favorites just last year. When I read it again this year, I didn’t really enjoy myself while reading. It’s kind of understandable because of the subject matter that is in this book, but honestly, it was just a story I couldn’t fully engage in anymore. I found many characters to be irritable and it made reading this not enjoyable. I still find the writing to be beautiful and poetic, and the storyline to be as equally as heartbreaking as I had first read it. *TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSUALT/ABUSE*

2. Shuffle, Repeat by Jen Klein -

This was one of my favorite romantic YA contemporary a few years back. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. Rereading it, I still think it’s really cute and I’m always on board with the hate to friends to lovers trope sooo. Anyways, the reason why I didn’t like it this time around was because the ending was so messy and some things were unnecessary. I didn’t really like the main character, June. She was just so mean and judgmental. There was this whole thing with June and her dad, and I honestly thought it could’ve done without it because it wasn’t really a big problem to the character or made her “develop.” I will say though, Oliver Flagg, I love him. He was just the best thing in this book.

3. Leftovers by Heather Waldorf -

I read this in middle school and really liked it. I was itching to reread it again and finally got my hands on a copy. Turns out, it’s not a book I really like anymore. I think it’s mostly because the book is so short. It’s a little less than 300 pages, and fitting in a whole story that needs a lot of things for it is hard. I did feel like there could’ve been more, and other things and characters that could’ve been delved into more. The pacing too, felt a little bit too fast for me. The love interest is kind of an asshole. I remember him being the sweetest thing ever, but what the hell was I thinking? I mean, he’s not that bad, but he just says things that make me so angry. *TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSUALT*

4. Please Ignore Vera Dietz by A.S King - 

I loved this book in middle school, and that was probably because it was so different from the books that I was reading at the time. Rereading it again, I can see why I liked it and why others would too, but it just ain’t it for me. I enjoyed it, but not as much as when I first read it. This is the oddball in this list because I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like it. I found the book to be a bit bland for me. I didn’t necessarily love any characters, really. It is a very atmospheric and melancholic book. I cried the second time around when I read the ending so there is that.

5. All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven -

I read this when I was in middle school, and this was a time when I didn’t really understand mental health or anything of that subject. I read it and I loved it for probably all the wrong reasons. I reread it again a year ago for my health class because we were learning about mental health issues and it was alarming at how much I looked over when I first read it. I found parts of it to be very problematic and the romance to be very cringy. I know a lot of people can identify with this book and absolutely love it, and I don’t wanna take that away from anyone. If you loved it, that’s great. It just was not it for me.

6. The Start of Me and You by Emery Lord -

Now we get into DNF territory, even though I only have two books for you. You have no idea how disappointed I am that I didn’t like this book this time around. This was my absolute favorite romantic YA contemporary in middle school. I thought it was so cute, so sweet, and just amazing. BRO, I DNF’d this book around the first chapter. I was cringing so hard already, and I was not going to do that to myself, putting myself through that cringe-fest. The dialogue was already not my favorite, and then the characters were not even characters to me but more just tropes with names.

7. When We Collided by Emery Lord -

Again, I’m so sad that I didn’t like this book a second time. I will say though, it’s a bit better than The Start of Me and You, but not by that much. I got farther into the book, like halfway, but I couldn’t do it anymore. Everything was just so cringy. Vivi is your typical MPDG with a disorder. She’s not my favorite, but I don’t hate her. Jonah was meh. Not memorable for me. The thing about Emery Lord’s teenage characters is that they don’t feel or act like teenagers, and that bugs me a lot. This goes for The Start of Me and You as well.