#creature humor

[marshfeldman31]

A Goblin Tea Party

Scene: A Dimly Lit Glade in a Dense, Overgrown Forest

(Four goblins are seated around a rickety table adorned with mismatched tea cups and a teapot that's seen better days. The air is filled with the scent of over-steeped tea and mild trepidation.)

Gobnob: (Pouring tea, which looks suspiciously like mud) Now, remember, pinky out. That's how the fancy folk do it.

Snizzle: (Eyeing her cup suspiciously) I heard the fancy folk also drink tea that doesn't look like swamp water.

Grubwort: (Sniffing the air) Is it supposed to smell like a troll's laundry basket?

Muddles: Peace, friends! It's about ambiance, not aroma. Imagine, we are sophisticated beings partaking in high society's rituals!

Gobnob: (Grinning) Right, sophisticated! That's why I wore my best hat. (Points to a hat that appears to be made from an old boot.)

Snizzle: Sophisticated? I still have mud under my nails from yesterday's grub-digging fiesta.

Grubwort: (Takes a sip and grimaces) This tea tastes like it's been steeped in the tears of a disgruntled pixie.

Muddles: A touch of imagination, Grubwort. Imagine it's... an exotic blend from the far-off lands of... um, somewhere far-off.

Gobnob: Speaking of far-off, did anyone remember to invite the hobgoblin from the eastern marshes?

Snizzle: I thought you were going to do that!

Muddles: (Sighs) It appears our grand tea party is just us... again.

Grubwort: (Smiling) Well, at least we've got the best company. Who needs hobgoblins when you've got tea that could double as potion ingredients?

Gobnob: To us, the finest goblins in these woods!

(They all raise their cups, clinking them together, a chorus of laughter mingling with the clatter of teacups in the dim forest glade.)

[textanimations]

[dizzybizz]

please consider jellyfish john,, for me 🥺?

[iwillwringyourneck]

[lifenconcepts]

*unsheathes myself from under the trench coat* I have so much autism you don’t even know it… *three tbh creatures fall out and roll away, leaving one tiny omg creature staring at you in shock*

[grickle14]

The ducks would always share their crumbs in the park.

[sixtyt-en]

I think that like, the major reason why benrey got so mischaracterized by the fandom at hlvrai's peak popularity was because they forgot he acts like a dmv employee

[archfey-edda]

Watching Kenobi & Tales of the Empire has been giving me ideas.

[allthatispeculiar]

[theriu]

How To Silence A Banshee

Banshee: (has been shrieking and wailing for hours)

Me: (shouting through loudspeaker) This is your final warning! Stop screaming and get out of here, or else!

Banshee: (shrieks and wails louder)

Me: Alright, you asked for this! (puts microphone next to speaker)

(UNEARTHLY FEEDBACK NOISES)

Banshee: AAAUGH!!! Stop, stop, stop!!! What IS that?!

Me: No, YOU stop! I’ve told you five times, you need to leave!

Banshee: Look, it’s my JOB to warn of impending death! I’m just tryna make a living here!

Me: Well, go make your living somewhere other than a NURSING HOME. That’s rude AND lazy! Now clear out before I give you another taste of your own medicine!

Banshee: Fine! (flies off grumbling) Your noise is WAY more annoying than I am…

Me: And don’t let me catch you lurking around the intensive care unit again, either!

———

(A/N: Credit to @o-lei-o-lai-o-lord for suggesting microphone feedback as a counter to banshee screams. XD GENIUS)

For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

[amethystpittman]

Source

[jessicas-pi]

I was gonna do a set of illustrations for my mythical creatures AU cause it's mermay but I got the morbs for most of the month and only finished this one

(that awkward moment when you try to save your crush's life by breathing for her underwater but you've never done that before so you just imitate what you saw your mer-mentor do when he was helping his siren gf breathe underwater (except your mer-mentor was actually kissing his siren gf and now you are about to get slapped))

[iwillwringyourneck]

tried to find original post but this is the closest i could find gagagaha

[nondelphic]

sometimes i wonder if my characters know they’re trapped in a first draft, or if they think this is just their life now... sorry guys, we’ll fix it eventually.

[casualfoxwitch]

Ol' Tangley Boi