#crave someone
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Accepting isolation, craving belonging
#art#digital art#comic#long post#this is kind of vent?#I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh#I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me#I crave isolation#I thrive in isolation#But I want to belong#I want to intimately know someone#and I want someone to intimately know me#This is to all the people who have loved me#even if we dont talk anymore#i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy#original post
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idk id be weird abt touching someone for the first time in a millennia too
#i think sm should be weird i think he should be touchstarved i think he should crave biting into pv like a dog-#coughs anyways#there IS something to be said about being isolated only to suddenly have someone so close that you can finally reach them#i think sm would be valid in being weird abt it okay#cookie run#crk fanart#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#pureshadow#shadowvanilla#my drawbs
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Blacked out in front of my tablet and woke up with sketches of my Touchstarved mc + Kuras my beloved. woops
#I found out dr. kuras is 6'6 I said hold on lemme get a stool so I can climb this man#touchstarved#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#kuras#sleepyscribble#oc.emma#my mc is meant to be a self insert but also like. I wanted to come up w a design and character arc and everything jkvkvk#so I ended up basing her on my personality/looks but taking her into a direction that would fit the game#she's like. me but 'characterized' and a bit exaggerated for the sake of being a character yk#the way she turned out is that she's basically a friendly happy go lucky mage who laughs at her own misery but hides#a deep layer of self loathing underneath all that bc of her curse#having been cursed all her life she believes she's a monster and the sunny personality is a way for her to 'make up for it'#but at the same time she feels like a farse. like she's only luring ppl in to an inevitable demise#and she thinks she's selfish bc despite knowing the danger she poses she still goes out there and puts herself among ppl#bc she craves human connection. even tho she feels guilty for 'indulging' in it#anyway I love the cursed mc concept in this game <3 it's been really interesting to think abt how that would affect someone#also I kept her physical features looking pretty much like mine#bc I wanted to draw myself in a cute way. teehee#but the clothing I was basically thinking like. early game simple clothing that she didn't rlly pick for herself#and maybe later I can have an updated design w something she would actually pick for herself
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stickers that the postal system willing i will have at this year's San Francisco Zine Fest, Sunday September 1 at City View at the Metreon (tabling with the astonishing @mellific!)
i will also have tiny little ceramic guys, a few block printed bandanas, and a delicate smattering of Zines
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this part always gets me giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair. when wade kept asking about logan's suit saying he just wanted to bond, logan said "well then talk about something else"
he's practically showing us he's not against talking to wade at all, unlike how he wants us to believe by being so grumpy and telling him to stfu all the time.... that scene really got me going "aw he wants to bond? 🥺" in the theatre
#i think every logan craves human interaction no matter the universe he's in#but THIS one#the “worst wolverine”– alienated from his society for who knows how long#who probably gets people flinching and side-eyeing him whenever he tries to help#who gets people whispering and pointing fingers at him “that's The Wolverine” in a negative way whenever he enters a room#meets someone who can actually hold a conversation with him more than a minute#phew i can only imagine how devastatingly lonely he is#on top of his belief that he deserves to be treated like that#so of course he wants to keep talking#of course he wants to live in wade's world#of course he wants to live in the cramped space where he has to be in close proximity with other people#of course he wants to be in a part of warm and welcoming people#along with his alternate daughter who's just as lonely as he is#because he can't bear the thought of her living somewhere alone when a place where people are ready to appreciate and love them existed#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#wolverine#deadpool#logan howlett
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okay but what if wade's birthday wish was to finally mean something. to finally have a purpose bigger than himself, to be something, anything! be someone that has a meaning. to finally be seen as someone worth sticking around for, someone worth dying for- someone worth living for. and then he opens the door
#sjonnie.text#wade wilson#he gets all of that!!!!! and so much more!!!!! he gets someone that makes his life worth living for again!!#he gets someone that doesn't think that he has to prove himself or do something bigger than himself to be more! to mean more!#he gets someone that loves him for what he is. for what he does!#and no shade to our girl ness!!!!!!! she deserves a good life and more!!!!!!!! she deserves the stability that she desperately craves!#poolverine#deadclaws#deadpool#deadpool 3#character analysis#dp3#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool x wolverine
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Dooku didn't leave because of the Jedi.
At least, if you're going by George Lucas' word.
In deleted scenes of Attack of the Clones, when we learn about Dooku's departure and his values, there's no mention of the Jedi or "the Jedi Order as an institution".
And every time Lucas refers to Dooku's disenchantment and reason for falling, he doesn't mention the Jedi.
"When you realize that Dooku is Darth Tyranus, it explains what Darth Sidious did after Darth Maul was killed: he seduced a Jedi who had become disenchanted with the Republic. He preyed on that disenchantment and converted him to the dark side, which is also a setup for what happens with Anakin." - Mythmaking: Behind the Scenes of Attack of the Clones, 2002
"[Dooku is] one of the few Jedi who became disenchanted with the Republic and left the order and he is leading a separatist movement." - Vanity Fair, 2002
"I wanted a more sophisticated kind of villain. Dooku’s disenchantment with the corruption in the Empire is actually valid. It’s all valid. So, Chris plays it as, 'Is he really a villain or is he just someone who is disenchanted and trying to make things right?'" - Starlog Magazine #300, 2002
He probably meant the Republic/Senate in that last one, but you get the point. And you're seeing the pattern, right?
Dooku's problem isn't the Jedi, it's the Republic.
He's become disenchanted with a system that - according to Lucas' prologue in the 2004 book Shatterpoint - worked for 1,000 years...
"For a thousand years, the Old Republic prospered and grew under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the venerable Jedi Knights."
... but has been rendered ineffective because of 1) senators becoming corrupt and 2) corporations gaining political power.
"But as often happens when wealth and power grow beyond all reasonable proportion, an evil fueled by greed arose. The massive organs of commerce mushroomed in power, the Senate became corrupt, and an ambitious named Palpatine was voted Supreme Chancellor."
That's the message Dooku runs on, when he rallies the systems to form the Separatist Alliance.
"By promising an alternative to the corruption and greed that was rotting the Republic from within, Dooku was able to persuade thousands of star systems to secede from the Republic."
The Jedi aren't really a factor in his decision to leave.
Why would they be? Their political status isn't very high, they're virtually powerless, as illustrated by the film's narrative and stated repeatedly by Lucas.
On the contrary, as we already established in this post, Lucas full-on confirmed that Dooku actually carries the sympathies of most of the Jedi. Again:
Most Jedi agree with Dooku, ideologically.
As far as the Jedi are concerned, the politicians are effing up the Republic, and it sucks because the Jedi see this but aren't allowed to interfere in the political process. They have to resort to looking for loopholes in their mandates to actually get stuff done.
That's what that whole "she's a politician" scene is meant to hint at. In the commentary of Attack of the Clones, Lucas uses a similar turn of phrase as he does with Dooku.
"[This scene gives us] a chance to talk a little bit about politics and the Jedi’s disenchantment with the political process, due to the corruption and the ineffectiveness of the Senate." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002
Considering all this, it becomes clear that the intended narrative surrounding Dooku's decision to leave the Order is not:
"The Jedi are dogmatic and asleep at the wheel except for Dooku, who is ahead of the curb and sees the system is flawed, so he left."
It's actually:
"ALL Jedi see the system is flawed, Dooku's the only Jedi who decided to take it a step further and leave the Order so he can try to get into politics himself and change things."
That's why they hesitate to accuse him of murder.
That's why in an earlier draft of the Attack of the Clones script, by the end of the second act, Mace STILL has his doubts that Dooku would sign a treaty with the Trade Federation to attack the Republic.
As far as the Jedi are concerned, Dooku is out there fighting the good fight, making noise because whenever they try to protest it falls on deaf ears... until his betrayal on Geonosis.
After all, let's not get it twisted: the Dooku we're introduced to in the films and The Clone Wars, isn't really just Dooku anymore.
He's Darth Tyranus.
A point Lucas makes sure to highlight in his Shatterpoint prologue:
"Unbeknownst to most of his followers, Dooku was himself a Dark Lord of the Sith, acting in collusion with his master, Darth Sidious, who, over the years, had struck an unholy alliance with the greater forces of commerce and their private droid armies."
It's not about doing the selfless thing for Dooku, anymore. He's knowingly part of the problem.
He's all about ambition, now. His personal goals are things like overthrowing Sidious and becoming the most powerful Jedi.
"[Anakin's] ambition and his dialogue here is the same as Dooku’s. He says “I will become more powerful than every Jedi.” And you’ll hear later on Dooku will say “I have become more powerful than any Jedi.” [...] It is possible for a Jedi to want to become more powerful, and control things." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002
"If you put two Sith together, they try to get others to join them to get rid of the other Sith. [When revealing the truth to Obi-Wan], Dooku's ambition is really to get rid of Darth Sidious. He's trying to get Obi-Wan's assistance in that and help in that, so that he and Obi-Wan could overthrow Sidious and take over." - Attack of the Clones, Commentary Track 2, 2002
Y'know? Selfish things.
Dooku - like all other Sith, and like the very corporations and Senators he had sworn to destroy - is consumed by his own greed.
#also functionally-speaking Dooku being a Jedi is done to highlight the ambiguity throughout the investigation on whether or not this is#a scorned ex-Jedi or a straight-up bad guy... you're never sure until the end of AOTC. That and Dooku being a former Jedi shows that#even someone who was once selfless and dutiful can crave power and be selfish#which sets up a precedent for Anakin - who's already struggling with being a selfless Jedi - when HE falls to the Dark Side#Dooku being a former Jedi isn't a plot point meant to narratively criticise of the Order... it's meant to hint at Anakin's downfall.#dooku#george lucas#star wars#attack of the clones#long post#collection of quotes
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She’s giving dollar menu 🫦
#the things I’ll do for a boy whose load I crave !#and I don’t even get the load I’m working so hard for tonight Chappell roan is right I’m so sick of online love#like why am I working so hard to fold my own body and take pictures#when I could have someone bending me how he wants and just looking while he pumps himself inside me#if only tops existed in real life… oh well a girl can dream…#gpoy#gpoyb
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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mermay idea
mers keep their faces covered as a way to indicate social status and familiarity. warriors have intricate masks, handcrafted when they win their first battle and the more detailed a mask is, the more accomplished the wearer is. they're rarely shed and are only taken off for their closest kin and mates
warrior bull shark mer!soap seeing human!ghost, seeing his skull mask and immediately knowing he's a high ranking warrior; one to be feared going off the numerous scars covering his body
an ideal and worthy mate, so long as he can prove his prowess
so he follows him as he's deployed on a mission near the ocean and is smitten when he sees how ruthless and capable he is; bathing himself in his enemies blood. he keeps his distance, not wanting to tempt fate but ghost spies the tip of his fin cutting through the water
and he's nothing if not an opportunist; kicking the bodies off the pier to the waiting jaws below
but soap? all he sees is the first step in a courting ritual
and he has to come up with something truly brilliant to match such a glorious offering
on ghost's part, it's been difficult getting people to understand the depths of his dependence on his mask. price thinks it's something to overcome, gaz and other soldiers just think it's an accessory to help with intimidation
the few partners he's tried to have thought he was someone to "fix"; nothing more than an object, a notch on their belt to prove how "good" of a partner they were to put in so much work to make him better. it always leaves him feeling violated, more so than if they'd just taken his mask off outright. one night stands were hardly worth it either; scratching a physical itch but falling so short of the intimacy and connection he craves that he feels worse off than he'd started
when he finally meets the mer that's been hunting him across the country, sees the bright red mask so artfully hewn and attached to his face?
it's like looking at a reflection of himself
he might have finally found the understanding he's been searching for
#yet another thing that got derailed#this was just supposed to be mer culture clashing with human culture then ghost had an identity crisis#as is his want#ghost only finding the connection and intimacy hes craving from someone society sees as a monster? good shit thats some good shit#we love internalised hatred on this blog#bc we also love ✨growth✨#soaps mask stand out bc of the colour#its bright red with darker red scales used for detail work#a perfect warning for such an aggressive mer species#he knows he’ll be seen from far away and hes skilled enough for it to be a death sentence instead of a give away#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#mermay#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#cod mw2#save post
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Do you ever think about Charles, who's always protecting others and stepping up to stop his classmates from being bullied, who's putting on a smile and a brave face, who's learned to hide his feelings to not tick off his father, making sure to lift the spirits of everyone around him, met Edwin at the one moment when he couldn't be *any of that?*
Edwin met Charles when he wasn't the strong, brave, smiling Charles that he wants to be known as. He met Charles when he was at his most vulnerable, when he needed someone to see him, the real him, and love him nevertheless.
Maybe that's why Charles gave up his afterlife for Edwin in a heartbeat. Because Edwin met him at his worst, and stayed anyway.
#and because of that charles never has to worry about edwin leaving him if he stopped putting up a front#he can trust edwin because he's already seen him like that and accepted him still#just rambling but i think it's a big deal for charles#he's craving for someone to see the real him and love him anyway#and edwin does exactly that#payneland#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#the dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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sighs giggles kicks my feet. imagining after the riptide pirates escape the promised bastion gillions adrenaline rush wearing off and the fact that he has literally been mostly skinned alive hitting him full force. all of a sudden the pain he was able to push through to get his friends to safety is drowning him and he just collapses like a sack of fucking bricks. not even a chance to voice his agony before he is out fucking cold, very pale with a weak pulse and blood sluggishly pooling around him. the scramble to treat his wounds, using as much healing magic as they have on him even though they havent got much magic left in general, trying to find bandages and wrap his wounds without tearing his flesh worse. and all the while gillion is so very cold and pale and silent and still,, and it freaks the crew out more than theyll ever admit to him because the only other time theyve seen him like this they were certain he was going to die.
#someone throw some enrichment in my enclosure i crave whump#gillion tidestrider#jrwi riptide#jrwi#just roll with it#just roll with it riptide#jrwiblr#dragons chatting
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@naffeclipse orcas beach themselves to hunt seals orca!eclipse beaches themself to hunt y/n :)
#falls over#sometimes art inspo grabs you like this eclipse and you start something and do not stop until it is done#that was me with this LOL#i have joined the orca eclipse hype train#yeah uh if someone looks at you like this dont stick around#anyway#i saw some people mentioning on the fic comments they think yn is gonna be turned mer#i hope this does not happen because I CRAVE THE ANGST#cancel the happy endings >:)#also i know the orca thing could just be a design choice#but i like to think its because either#a: mimicking to scare off other predators like sharks#b: mimicking to hunt orcas#imagine being an orca and this thing that kinda looks like an orca at a distance and then when you get closer its all WRONG#apparently this is called aggressive mimicry#mer!eclipse#fnaf au#orca!eclipse#apex polarity#fnaf daycare attendant#my art
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