#crash analysis
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i remembered something i eventually wanted to make a post about and idk if its something i'm personally just looking into too much or whatever but it's just been simmering in my mind almost forgotten since march i think.
i thought it'd be kinda interesting if the time/date of the areas (past, future, etc), specifically in relation to n. gin, n. brio, cortex and n. tropy, correlated to the way they think.
n. gin's behaviour in crash 4 kinda says to me that he isn't one to dwell on the past all that much even though he definitely could considering all he's been through. His mind is on his current objective(s), whether that objective is work related or personal is irrelevant because it's about figuring out how he's going to get there and what's next.
n. brio is very obviously caught up in the past and is what's driving him forward at this point. it's a pretty significant thing he talks about in his levels, getting even with cortex being the main one. lamenting the fact that he doesn't truly have any friends either is another.
cortex is a little similar to n. brio albeit different reasoning. he's stumbling a bit on his past failures which i'd say would be hard ignore when you have someone like uka uka to contend with, though it's not really something that holds cortex back. he even tries (fails) to fix his biggest failure by physically going back to the past.
the fact that the year for n. tropy's area is unknown suits him well imo. since time is his speciality he might not always look at things from a particular view in time but also, he's just kinda spiteful which just backfires on himself and his plans considerably no matter the angle he's looking at things from.
i'm not sure if i worded that all in the best way but it's still interesting to me.
#evil science has entered the chat#crash bandicoot#crash bandicoot 4: it's about time#n. gin#n. brio#n. tropy#neo cortex#crash analysis#i would've expanded more on certain points but im outta energy on this one lol#probably why i hadn't written my thoughts on this yet#i had more to say for n tropy but i cant figure out how to word it rip
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The BAU on a commercial flight:
EMILY: Stopped and searched at the security checkpoint because she forgot she was wearing an ankle holstered gun. Is the person who kicks your seat and hogs the armrest because gay people do not know how to sit on a chair properly.
JJ: Is the one having her armrest hogged by Emily. Opens a packet of peanuts and gives someone an allergic reaction. Should have stuck with CheetosâŠ
TARA: âItâs okay, Iâm a doctor! Not a doctor of medicine, but Iâm sure I can figure it out!â
PENELOPE: Watches movies on her tablet and eats M&Mâs like the little iPad kid she is, eventually falling asleep on Morganâs shoulder during âLegally Blondeâ.
MORGAN: Shamelessly flirting with the flight attendants and trying to hide the fact that he is watching âLegally Blondeâ over Penelopeâs shoulderâand loving it.
HOTCH: Reading FBI case files in his sunglasses, not noticing the kid who has been staring at him the whole time thinking âdamn, James Bond be on this flight.â
SPENCER: Talking to that same kid and his mother, explaining aerodynamics and discussing plane crash statistics. The kidâs mother requests a seat change.
ELLE: Lets Spencer explain aerodynamics to her instead. She swaps her red jello for his orange jello from the airplane meal because red is his favourite.
Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios
#if this was written by the ruthless cm writers that plane would have crash in goddamn ocean#omg what if they actually crash the bau jet at some point#criminal minds#emily prentiss#jennifer jareau#criminal minds memes#spencer reid#jemily#incorrect criminal minds#derek morgan#aaron hotchner#incorrect criminal minds quotes#penelope garcia#Spencelle#tara lewis#moreid#elle greenaway#bau team#behavioral analysis unit#bisexual analysis unit#bau#headcanon
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who did this to you. part 3
đ€đ· read part 1 here | read part 2 here pre-s4, steve whump, protective (but scared) eddie. now with robin!
The number rings in his head, echoing off the inside of his skull and sinking lower and lower until his heart strings join the symphony that leaves him shaking as the memory of Harringtonâs slurred voice is drowned out by the dial tone that feels harrowingly like a flatline right now.Â
Said Iâll go blind. Or deaf. Or just⊠die.
Eddie doesnât really feel like his body belongs to him anymore, or like thereâs anything left inside him other than panic and fear and that stupid, stupid shaking that he canât suppress even as he bites his knuckles. Hard.Â
The pain helps a little not to startle too much when the dial tone stops and a female voice begins speaking to him. Still he almost drops the phone, cursing under his breath as he pulls his hair to collect himself and get his voice to work.Â
âHâ Hi, hello, Mrs Buckley? This is, uh. I. Iâm. A friend of Robinâs, could you, uhââÂ
âOh, of course, dear,â the woman says, and Eddie feels his eyes beginning to prick with how nice she sounds even through the phone.Â
Does she know Steve, too? Would she worry if she knew? Would she curse Eddie for not taking him to the hospital right away? Would she blame him if anything happened?Â
âIâm sorry? What did you say your name was?â she asks, repeating herself by the sound of it.Â
He blanks, for a whole five seconds, before he spots a note stuck to the fridge saying Donât forget to eat, Eddie :-)
âEddie,â he croaks. âUh, Eddie Munson.â
âAlright, Eddie Munson, Iâll see if I can grab Robin for you. You have a good day, dear, yes?âÂ
No. âThanks.âÂ
The hand clenched in his hair pulls tighter and tighter until the tears fall and he can pretend itâs from pain and not fromâ whatever the fuck is happening.Â
He waits, phone pressed to his ear with a kind of desperation heâs never really felt, and never wants to feel again. He doesnât even know what to tell Robin; what to say. Itâs not like they ever hang out or have anything to say to each other, so why would sheâÂ
âMunson?â Robinâs voice appears on the other end, a little too loud for Eddieâs certain state, and he does drop the phone this time, scrambling to catch it and only making the situation worse as it dangles by his knees.Â
He drops to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and reaching for the phone again.Â
âHi.âÂ
âWhat do you want? Howâd you even get this number? I swear, if youââÂ
âItâs Blue. I mean, Steve. Harrington.âÂ
That shuts her right up, and Eddie clenches his eyes shut for a moment, hoping to keep the tremor out of his voice if only he takes a moment to breathe.Â
The moment stretches. And Robinâs voice is wary and quiet when she speaks again.Â
âWhat about Steve.âÂ
Eddie rubs his face, leaving more dirt and grime to fill the tear tracks, and clenches his fist before his mouth.Â
âEddie,â Robin demands, dangerous now. Nothing left of the rambling, bubbling mess he knows her to be on the school hallways. âWhat. About. Steve.âÂ
âHe⊠Heâs hurt.âÂ
Thereâs a bit of a commotion on the other end, before Robin declares, âIâm coming over. You tell me everything.âÂ
âYouâ I mean, heâs in the hospital with my uncle, soââÂ
âI am. Coming. Over,â she says, enunciating every word as though she were making a threat. Maybe she is. But the certainty in her voice helps a little, anchors him the same way that Wayneâs calmness did. âAnd you tell me everything.âÂ
Eddie finds himself nodding along, knowing intuitively that there is nothing that could stop her now. Knowing that he doesnât want to stop her.Â
ââKay.â Itâs a pathetic little sound, all choked up and tiny. She doesnât comment on it.Â
One second he hears her determined exhale, the next sheâs hung up on him and Eddie is greeted by the flatline again. He lets out a shuddering breath and leans his head back against the wall.Â
Breathing is hard again, but itâs all he has to do now, all thatâs left to do, so he focuses. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. His lungs are burning and thereâs something wrong about the way he pulls in air and keeps it there, desperately latching onto it until the very last second, his exhales more of a gasping cough than calm and controlled.Â
It takes a while. Longer than it should. But with Harringtonâs blood still on his hands, with his heartbeat in his ears so loud he canât even hear the words Wayne used to say about breathing in through the mouth or the nose or⊠or something, heâÂ
Heâs fine. Heâs home. Wayneâs got Blue, and Buckley is on her way, and⊠Heâs fine.Â
People donât just die.Â
They donât.Â
Heâs fine.Â
Eventually, Eddie manages to breathe steadily, the air no longer shuddering and his hands no longer shaking. Itâs stupid, really, being so worked up over someone he doesnât even really know. Sure, everyone knows Steve fucking Harrington, and everyone sees Steve fucking Harrington â whether they want it or not. He has a way of drawing eyes toward him even if all he does is walk the halls with his dorky smile and that stupidly charming swagger heâs got going on. Always matching his shoes to his outfit.
Eddie can relate.
Always reaching out to touch the person heâs talking to; clapping their back or shoulder, lightly shoving them in jest, ruffling their hair or chasing them through the halls, moving and holding himself like teenage angst canât reach him. Like he belongs wherever he goes. Like heâs so, so comfortable in his own skin. Like the clothes he wears arenât armour but just a part of him; a means of self-expression.Â
Again, Eddie can relate. He can relate to all of this.Â
Itâs almost like the two of them arenât so different after all. Just going about it differently.Â
And now heâs⊠Bleeding. Slurring his speech. Wheezing his breath. And Eddie feels protective. Eddie feels responsible. Like he should be there, like he should get to know more about him. About Steve. About Blue.Â
But he canât. And he wonât. So he gets up with a groan that expresses his frustration and the need to make a sound, to fight the oppressive silence that only encourages his thoughts to run in obsessive little circles, and he hangs up the phone thatâs been dangling beside him all this time.Â
He needs a smoke.Â
He needs a smoke and a blunt and a drink and for this day to be over and for time to revert and to leave him out of whatever business he stumbled into by opening the door to the boathouse and, apparently, Steve Harringtonâs life.Â
But unfortunately, the universe doesnât seem to care about what he needs, because just as he steps outside and goes to light his cig, he catches sight of a harried looking Robin Buckley, standing on the pedals of her bike as she kicks them, her hair blowing in the wind to reveal a frown between her brows. A wave of unease overcomes Eddie, an unease he canât really place. Maybe itâs the set of her jaw, or the tension in her shoulders, or maybe itâs the worry and anger she exudes.Â
It never occurred to him before that Robin Buckley might not be a person youâd want to set off. And not because of her uncontrollable rambles.Â
âMunson!â she calls over, carelessly dropping her bike in the driveway and stalking toward him.Â
Almost as if summoning a shield, Eddie does light the cigarette. Pretends like the smoke can protect him.Â
She doesnât stop at the foot of the steps, though, climbs them in two leaps and gets all up in his space with that unwavering look of determination â so unwavering, in fact, that it almost looks like wrath. Cold. Eddie wants to shrink away from it, not at all daring to wonder what could make her look like that upon hearing that Steveâs hurt.Â
I donât wanna die, Munson. I never⊠I didnât. With the monsters or the torture.
But those are the words of a semi-conscious teenage boy beat to a pulp, they canâtâ Thereâs no way. Eddie misheard him, or Steve was talking about some kind of inside joke, using the wrong terminology with the wrong guy. It happens. It happens when youâre out of it, really! The shit heâs said when he was shot up, canned up, all strung out and high as a kite⊠Heâd be talking of monsters, too, and mean some benign shit.Â
But the way Harrington looked, none of that was benign. The bruising all over his face, the blood still dripping from the wound by his temple or his nose, the way he held himself, breath rattling in his lungs, orâÂ
âHey!â Buckley demands his attention, giving him a light shove; just enough to catch his attention, really, and just what he needed to snap out of it. Still the smoke hits his lungs wrong and he coughs up a lung, further cementing his role of the pathetic little guy today.Â
âHey,â he says lamely, his voice still croaking as he crushes the half-smoked cigarette under his boot. âSorry.â He doesnât know for what. But it feels appropriate.Â
She shakes her head, rolling her eyes at him as she crosses her arms in front of her chest.Â
âTell me,â she says at last, and even though there is a tremor in her voice, she sounds nothing short of demanding. âI want the whole story, and I want it now.âÂ
And so he does. He tells her everything, bidding her inside because he needs the relative safety of the trailer even though the air in here is stuffy and still faintly smells blue. He pours them both some coffee and some tea, because asking what she wants doesnât feel right in the middle of telling her how he found her supposed best friend beat to shit in the boathouse he went to to forget about the world for a while.Â
She stills as she listens to him, staring ahead into the middle distance somewhere beneath the floor and the walls, her hands wrapped around the steaming mug of coffee. Eddie stumbles over his words a lot, unsettled by her stillness, her lack of reaction. She doesnât even react to his fuck-ups. People usually do.
He wants to ask. Where are you right now? What have you seen? Whatâs on your mind? What the fuck is happening?
But he doesnât ask, instead he tells her more about Steve. About how he seemed to forget where he was. About the pain he was in. About the smiles nonetheless. The way he reassured Eddie.Â
That one finally gets a choked little huff from her, somewhere between a sob and a laugh.Â
âYeah, that sounds like him alright. Heâs such a dingus.âÂ
There is so much affection in her voice as she says it that Eddie canât help but smile into his mug.Â
âDingus?â he asks, hoping for some lightness, hoping to keep it.Â
But the light fades, and her eyes get distant again. Eddie wants to kick himself.Â
âJust a stupid little nickname. An insult, really.â
âOh.â He doesnât know what to do with that. If he should ask more or if he should say that he has a feeling Steve might appreciate stupid little nicknames. Especially if theyâre unique. Especially if theyâre for him. But what right does he have to say that now? What knowledge does he have about Steve Harrington that Robin doesnât?Â
So he bites his tongue and drinks his coffee, cursing the silence that falls over them as Robin mirrors him, albeit slow and stilted, like she doesnât know what to do either. Or where to put her limbs.Â
âWayneâs got him now. I took him here, after the boathouse, because I didnât know what to do. He said he didnât want the hospital, said thereâsâŠâ He trails off.Â
Robin looks at him, her eyes wary but alert. âSaid thereâs what?âÂ
Itâs stupid. Donât say it.Â
âEddie?âÂ
With a sigh, he puts his mug on the counter and stuffs his hands into his pockets. âHe said thereâs monsters. In the hospital, I mean. He said that.â
Instead of scoffing or at least frowning, Robin clenches her jaw and nods imperceptibly, her eyes going distant again. Eddie blinks, the urge to just fucking ask overcoming him again, but with every passing second he realises that he doesnât actually want to ask. He doesnât want to know, let alone find out.Â
He just⊠He just wants to go to bed. Forget any of this ever happened. But he canât do that, so he continues.Â
âBrought him here and Wayne took one look at him and convinced him he needed a doctor. And, Jesus H Christ, he was right. Iâve never⊠I mean, those things donât happen,â he urges, balling his hands into fists even in the confined space of his pockets. âRight? I mean⊠Shit, man.â He bumps his shoe into the kitchen counter; gently, so as not to startle Buckley out of her fugue like state.Â
âYouâd be surprised,â she rasps, staring into the middle distance again and slowly sinking to the floor. There is a tremor in her shoulders now, barely noticeable, but Eddie knows where to look. Without really thinking about it, he grabs two of his hoodies heâd haphazardly thrown over the kitchen chairs this morning while deciding on his outfit and realising that it was altogether too warm for long sleeves today. But now, right here in this kitchen, the air tinged with blue, theyâre both freezing.Â
Because fear and worry will take all the warmth right from inside of you and leave you freezing even on the hottest day of the year.Â
She barely looks at him when he holds out his all-black Iron Maiden hoodie to her, freshly washed and all that, but she takes it nonetheless, immediately pulling it on. Itâs way too large on her, her hands not showing through the sleeves, her balled fists safe and warm inside the fabric. It would make him smile if only it didnât highlight her stillness, her faraway stare, and the years he has on her. Sheâs, what, two years younger than him? Three?Â
It seems surreal. Everything, everything does.Â
Robin Buckley in his home, sitting on his kitchen floor, swallowed by a hoodie that is a size too large even for him, but it was the last one they had in the store and he doesnât mind oversized clothes, can just cut them shorter when the need arises or layer them or declare them comfort sweaters for when he wants to just have his hands not slip through the sleeves on some days. And now Robin is wearing his comfort hoodie because her best friend was bleeding in his car earlier and then on his couch and now in his uncleâs car, and they never even talk, but he knows that Robinâs favourite colour is blue, but not morning hour blue because that makes her sad; only deep, dark blues.Â
Her favourite colour. Her favourite person.Â
Itâs so fucking surreal.Â
He drops down beside her, leaving enough space between them so neither of them feels caged, and mirrors her position: knees to his chest, chin on his forearms. Staring ahead.Â
And silence reigns.Â
âYour uncle,â she says at last, finally breaking the silence thatâs been grating on Eddieâs nerves and looking at him, really looking as she rests her cheek on her forearms crossed over her knees. âTell me about him.âÂ
There is a gentleness to her voice now despite how hoarse it is. Maybe sheâs just tired, too. And scared. At least the shivering has stopped.Â
Still Eddie frowns, confused as to why she should be breaking the silence to ask about Wayne when everything today has been about Harrington. About Steve. About deep and dark blues.Â
âUncle Wayne?â he asks. âWhy?â
âBecause,â she begins, and sighs deeply, works to get the air back in her lungs. Eddie wants to reach out, but instead he just clenches his fingers a little deeper into the fabric of his hoodie. âMy best friend is hurt very badly and the only person with him is your uncle, and I need to know that heâs in good hands. Or I swear to whatever god you may or may not believe in, and granted, itâs probably the latter, but still I swear Iâll give into my arsonist tendencies and burn down this city, starting with your trailer if you donât tell me that your uncle is a good man who will do anything in his power to make sure that boy gets the help and care he needs. And deserves.âÂ
Her jaw is set and her bottom lip trembles, but it doesnât take away from the absolute sincerity in her threat.Â
âSo, please,â she continues, her voice breaking just a little bit. âTell me. Tell me about your uncle.âÂ
Tell me about your favourite person.Â
Eddie swallows, and mirrors her position once more, so she can see his eyes and know heâs sincere. Because heâs learned something about eyes today, about how much in the world can change if only you have a pair of eyes to look into.Â
And he nods, looking for somewhere to start. âHeâs the best man I know. Heâs the best man youâll ever meet.â
She clings to his eyes. Searches them for the truth, beseeching them not to lie. He lets her.Â
âTook me in when I was ten, because my dadâs a fuck-up and my momâs a goner. Took me in again when I was twelve after I ran away. Makes me breakfast and I pretends the dinner I make him is more than edible.â He smiles a little, because how could he not? âHeâs my uncle, but still heâs the best parent anyone could wish for. Writes those little notes that he sticks to the fridge, yâknow, the one with the smiley face? Tells me to eat, because I forget sometimes. I tell him to drink water, because he forgets. First few years, heâd read to me. And the manâs a shit reader, has some kind of disability I think, and at some point I learned that he wasnât reading at all. He was telling me stories all the time, conning me into thinking that the books were magic, and that every time Iâd try to read the book for myself, the story would change.âÂ
Thereâs a lump in his throat now, and his eyes sting again. But Robin doesnât seem to fare any better than him if her wavering smile is any indication.Â
âThereâs no one,â Eddie continues, âwho will make you believe in magic quite like uncle Wayne. Or in good things. And dâyou wanna know what he told Blue when he said he was scared of going to the hospital?âÂ
Sniffling, Robin shakes her head.Â
âHe said, Okay. Then we do it scared. And all of that after he just⊠with that patience he has, told him everything that was gonna happen. And that heâd be there with him through it all. That he knew the doc and wouldnât let anyone else near him, and that thereâs no need to be scared at all.âÂ
He sighs, breathes, stills. Swallows, before looking back at Robin.Â
âSo, if thereâs one person whoâll make sure that boy gets the help and care he needs and deservesâŠâÂ
âItâs uncle Wayne,â Robin finishes his sentence, her voice still hoarse, but Eddie likes to think itâs for a different reason now.Â
âItâs uncle Wayne,â Eddie says, nodding along as he does.Â
There is something like understanding in Robinâs eyes now, and Eddie hopes itâs enough. Enough to calm the spiking of her nerves, enough to settle the coil of freezing nausea that must reside in the pit of her stomach, enough to let the next breath she takes feel a little more like itâs supposed to be there.Â
He wants to say something more, wants to reach out and reassure her that everything will be okay, but he canât know that. He doesnât feel like itâs entirely true, let alone appropriate right now.Â
Thereâs something in Robinâs eyes, in the way she holds herself, like sheâs waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like she accepts his words at face value but doesnât really believe them. Like sheâll only rest when sheâs got her best friend back in her arms and hears the story â the whole story â from him.Â
And Eddie doesnât fault her, because the thing is, he doesnât know what happened. Steve said that Hagan came at him, but thatâs really all he got out of him before he started talking about death and shit, and Eddie really didnât want to ask any more questions then.Â
So they sit there for a while, the silence oppressive and unwelcome, clumsy and awkward; Robinâs mouth opening and closing a lot, like she wants to ask questions but doesnât dare to ask them â and Eddie doesnât know if heâs glad about it or not. Doesnât know if he wants to hear the kind of questions asked with that kind of stare.Â
It is only after a long while, when Robinâs shoulders start shaking again and she buries deeper into the hoodie and her own spiralling thoughts, that Eddie breaks the silence again, replaying in his head the last moment between him and Steve.Â
âHeâs not gonna break,â he tells her, aiming for gentle and reassuring.Â
What he doesnât expect is the minute flinch, the jolt shooting through her body and the pained expression it leaves her with. What he doesnât expect is what she says next.Â
âYou know,â she begins, her voice as far away as her eyes, and itâs like she doesnât even know sheâs speaking. âSometimes I wish he would.âÂ
What?
Eddie blinks, swallowing hard.
âJust for, just for a break. Just so he can rest. Let the rest take over for a while.âÂ
That⊠He doesnâtâ What the hell does that even mean?Â
âLike maybe then the world would⊠snap back.â She snaps her fingers, just once. This time itâs Eddie who flinches. âAnd everything bad would disappear. But it wonât. And he wonât.â She swallows. Then quietly, almost inaudible, âHe wonât break.âÂ
And the way she says it⊠It was reassuring before. And now it feels like a burden. A curse.Â
Who the fuck are you, Steve Harrington? And you, Robin Buckley.Â
Eddie shudders, knowing he doesnât want the answer to that anymore. He doesnât want the questions either. So he buries his face in his hands, closes his eyes, and breathes. The adrenaline has worn off by now, the repeated panicking that added fuse to the fire has ceased now, leaving him worn out and strung out, tired and exhausted. He pulls up the hood, burrowing into the warmth.Â
And then he stills. His usually twitching, fumbling, fiddling body falling entirely still beside Buckley.Â
Itâs like time stops for a while there, even though Eddie knows that itâs dragging ever on and on. Heâs inclined to let it, though. Heâs too tired, too exhausted to really care about what time may or may not be doing.Â
âWhyâd you call me?âÂ
It takes a while for Eddie to realise that Robinâs spoken again, asked him a question out loud, the cadence of it different to the endless circles of questions Eddieâs got stuck in his head since the early afternoon tinged in blue against crimson.Â
He lifts his head, tucking his hands underneath his chin, and looks over at Buckley. Her hair is dishevelled now, her mascara smudged and crusty. Her lipstick is almost all gone, with the way he sees her biting and chewing on her lips.Â
âI⊠It seemed like the right thing to do, yâknow? He kept repeating your number. In the car, it was like⊠Sounds dramatic, but it was like his lifeline, almost. Repeated it so often it kinda got stuck.â He shrugs. âSeemed important, too.â
Robin frowns; a careful little thing. âHowâd you know it was me?â
âWell, he just talked about you. Yâknow. Tell me about your favourite person, I told him, because thatâs the thing you gotta do to keep people, like, talking to you. Not shit about what day it is, or what. Just, yâknow. Let them talk about things they like. Things theyâll wanna tell you about. âNâ he talked about you.âÂ
Sheâs quiet for a while, letting his words sink in. And Eddie wonders if she knew. That sheâs his favourite person. If he ever told her. If maybe he took that from him now. Itâs a stupid thing to worry about, really; the boy was bloodied and bruised on his couch just an hour ago, there are worse things at hand for Eddie to worry about. But now he wonders if he just spilled some sort of secret. Some sort of love confession.Â
âDid you, I mean⊠Are you guys, like, dating? Did I just steal his moment?âÂ
Robin huffs, but itâs more like a smile that needs a little more space in the room, a little more air to really bloom. Itâs fond. She shakes her head, her eyes far away again, but closer somehow.Â
âNah,â she says, and the smile is in her voice, too. Eddie kind of likes her voice like that. âWeâre platonic. Which is something Iâd never thought Iâd say. Not about Steve Harrington, yâknow?âÂ
And the way she drags out his name⊠Eddie can relate. Like it means something, but like what it means is nowhere close to reality. Nowhere close to what it really means. Nowhere close to Blue.Â
Robin sighs, the sound more gentle than it should be, and leans her head against the cabinet behind her. âWe worked together over summer break. Scoops Ahoy.â Her voice does a funny thing, and her eyes glaze over as she pauses. Eddie waits, his lips tipped up into a little smile, too; to match hers.Â
âWhat, the ice cream parlour?âÂ
Robin hums, her smile widening at what Eddie guesses must be memories of chaos and ridiculousness. âI wanted to hate him,â she continues. âBut try as I might, he wouldnât let me. Or, he did. He did let me. Just, it turns out, thereâs no use hating Steve Harrington, not when heâs so⊠So endlessly genuine. Thereâs nothing to hate, yâknow? And then heâŠâÂ
She stops, her mouth clicking shut as her eyes tear up a little. The Starcourt fire. Eddie remembers the news, remembers the self-satisfied smirk when heâd heard about it, remembers sticking it to the Man and to capitalism and to the idea of malls over supporting your friendly neighbourhood businesses.Â
Guilt and shame overcome him as he realises that they must have been in there when it happened.Â
âHe saved your life?âÂ
Robinâs eyes snap toward him, wide and caught, and Eddie raises his hands in placation.Â
âIn the fire? Were you there?âÂ
âYâyeah.â She swallows hard, avoiding his eyes. âThe fire. He saved me. Yeah.âÂ
Eddie nods, deciding to drop that topic right there; to lay it on the ground as gently as he can and cover it with bright red colours so he never steps on it ever again.Â
âHe must be your favourite person, too, then, hm?â he steers the conversation back away into safer waters.Â
âHe is,â she says, sure and genuine and true. âItâs just. I donât think Iâve ever been anyoneâs favourite. He has a lot of people who care about him, you know? A lot of people he cares about. Even more numbers memorised in that stupidly smart head of his.â She huffs again, burrowing deeper into Eddieâs hoodie, pulling the sleeves over her hands some more. âItâs stupid, to be so hung up on this. Is it stupid?âÂ
âI donât think it is,â Eddie says, scooting a little closer to Robin. âLike, I donât even know that boy, right? But even I know that heâs got some ways to shift your focus or something. Give you a silver lining, or something to take the pain away even when heâs the one who⊠I donât know, thatâs probably stupid, too.âÂ
âNah,â Robin says, scooting closer to him, too, until their sides are pressed together and she can lay her head on his shoulder. âItâs not stupid. Youâre right; thatâs Steve for you. âS just who he is.âÂ
It is, isnât it?Â
Youâre so blue, Stevie.Â
Sheâll say something corny when, when you ask her, jusâ to fuck with you. Sunset gold or rose, jusâ to mess with⊠But is blue.
Blue. âS nice.Â
Yeah. Yeah, he is.Â
Eddie lets his thoughts roam the endless possibilities and realities that is Steve Harrington, the depths he hides â or wonât hide, maybe, if you know how to ask. Where to look.Â
Maybe heâll find out, one of these days. Not about the terrible things that leave him scared of the hospital, not about the horrible things that have him speaking of death and dying like heâs accepted them as a possibility a long time ago.Â
He swallows hard and shakes off these thoughts, because things like that just. They donât happen. They donât happen to blue-smiled boys who trust you to be kind even when theyâre beaten straight to hell. And they sure as hell donât happen when uncle Wayneâs around.Â
Nothing bad has ever happened when uncle Wayne was around.Â
And he wants to tell Robin, wants to make that promise. But part of him canât bear the thought of being wrong. So he keeps his mouth shut and just sits with her, their heads as heavy as their hearts as they wait.Â
The sun is long gone when the phone above him rings again, spooking and startling them out of their timeless existence.Â
âYeah?â he answers, his heart hammering in his chest. âWayne?âÂ
âHey, Ed,â Wayneâs voice comes through the phone like a melody. Calm and steady. Robin is scooting closer, and Eddie shifts the phone to accommodate her so they can both listen. Somehow, they ended up holding hands â and holding on hard. âWeâre coming home now.âÂ
đ€đ· tagging:
@theshippirate22 @mentallyundone @ledleaf @imfinereallyy @itsall-taken @simply-shin @romanticdestruction @temptingfatetakingnames @stevesbipanic @steddie-island @estrellami-1 @jackiemonroe5512 @emofratboy @writing-kiki @steviesummer @devondespresso @swimmingbirdrunningrock @dodger-chan @tellatoast @inkjette @weirdandabsurd42 @annabanannabeth @deany-baby @mc-i-r @mugloversonly @viridianphtalo @nightmareglitter @jamieweasley13 @copingmechanizm @marklee-blackmore @sirsnacksalot @justrandomfandomstm @hairdryerducks @silenzioperso @newtstabber @fantrash @zaddipax @cometsandstardust @rowanshadow26 @limpingpenguin @finntheehumaneater @extra-transitional (sorry if i missed anyone! lmk if you don't wanna be tagged for part 4 đ«¶)
#steddie#steddie fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#who did this to you#something has Shifted in this part and i wanna do a literary/meta analysis of it but i dont wanna ruin the fun or be annoying but hhh#also sorry if you don't like this bc it's so different from the other two but the sudden adrenaline crash will do that to ya#we'll get Blue back soon don't you worry đ€#also eddie's mind is running in circles and he doesn't have wayne to stop him this time sooo if this feels repetitive and redundant???#then let's pretend it should read that way actually (and also eddie is an obsessive little guy he'll ruminate forever if he doesn't have#an outlet sooo)#also rambling fumbly robin going deadly still over an injured steve is the hill i will die on actually like that just makes me feral#dio words
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Shauna and the baby were probably both going to die. depending on your interpretation of the dream realm, maybe for a time Shauna did die. something brought her back, or kept her from staying there. but it wasn't Mari's "wilderness, I hope Shauna doesn't die" or Travis' well intended but useless blood magic (recall Lottie "can't this just be enough? please?" it was never enough) or even the baby's death covering the symbol on the blanket in blood. those are futile hopes and bargains. the baby was already doomed. and the wilderness doesn't trade, we know this. it chooses. someone has to die. it took Crystal and spared Shauna. Shauna thinks she's been snubbed by the group and by extension the wilderness when it takes Javi and Nat is crowned, but what she fails to see is that she was chosen first. she keeps being chosen! not to die, to live. Coach Martinez dying to put her oxygen mask on. Jackie dying to later feed her. the wilderness taking Crystal (where is her body? it belongs to the wilderness now) to get Shauna through a dangerous labor. Nat dying in her place as the queen of hearts twenty-five years later. maybe it always did like Nat best, but it killed for Shauna first. and it kept killing for her. for girls like Shauna (and for girls like the Wilderness) isn't that just the shape love makes? a knife wound.
#shauna: i just want to be seen and loved and worshiped for the crazy bitch i am#the wilderness: i see and love and worship you for the crazy bitch you are#shauna: not like that i miss jackie#i think there's a solid argument that it killed nat's dad for her first but since it's pre-crash timeline i am going to respectfully exclud#that from my analysis lololol#for nat the shape of love is a bullet hole in this essay I will#shauna shipman#yellowjackets#lottie matthews#travis martinez#coach martinez#crystal yellowjackets#natalie scatorccio#mari yellowjackets
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#ik this is not new the worms just wanted me to make a post about it#đ€Ą đ«đȘ±#tell me why we had to hear max explain what a tournament is to people who would already know.#sprinkling the word One into this show like it's product placement#my overall point here if you couldn't tell is tha[a meteor crashes through my roof vaporizing me into a smoking crater in the ground]#analysis#or whatever you call this#weaving#wording
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so i may or may not have printed out the entirety of @anonymousalchemist's amazing fic like a bird, like a stone onto three Very Large pieces of paper.
you might be asking, why, fay? why did you print out an entire 53k fic for a video game you've never played? well you see, if you read it, you would understand.
#bg3#tavsilkpax#for real though i'm going to do some Analysis#literary. artistic. statistical. character. all of those.#listen i can't draw and can rarely write. so my contribution to fandom is gonna be whatever weird shit my job enables me to do#and sometimes that is printing out an entire fanfiction so you can highlight names in different colours and look for Patterns#Publisher is a little bitch and tried to crash so many times while i was formatting this to print#didn't want to render a measly 54 000 words at once#astarion#tavstarion#bg3 fanfiction#i may never be free of my Silk Derangement Disorder#something about this boy just Grips me
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the chaotic energy of the free practice sessions alone has made the mexican gp an absolute standout
#mexican gp 2024#formula 1#f1#the double fps crash#the hinch dcc analysis#aleâs backwards somersault#carcar#their magnetism is back#lestappen#super down bad for each other
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The fact that Chloe and Foop are both friends and pathological liars is still SO funny to me... Foop admits he's one (after apparently lying to claim he's not, so who knows) in "Two and a Half Babies," but what is UP with Chloe...
She straight-up lies to us and authority figures about things that are blatantly untrue, like biking to Fiji, claiming she's a vegetarian despite eating meat when her parents aren't around, or completing a course of study that she acknowledges takes years in 2 seconds while on a diving board. We were literally there. Why did she even say that.
She also just ?? commits crimes?? Fraud, implied insider trading, multiple B&E cases, whatever you call sneaking into Fairy Con without a ticket, theft, property damage, whatever nailing Crocker's bed to the ceiling counts as... on top of blatantly sabotaging people and pushing Timmy to disobey Cosmo and Wanda.
Her canon fate if she didn't get assigned godparents is joining a gang and becoming a supervillain. Fascinating...
Literally Chloe after wishing to be an adult: I'm a parent, and I get to do what I want!! /slams the gas pedal and plows into 2 separate fences and a bunch of garbage cans with 3 kids in her back seat
She also just ?? went into a dark and creepy alley with three children she was responsible for? And drove directly into the wall of her own house and happily stepped out of her car? Why is she like that.
#Fairly OddParents#Chloe Carmichael#FAIRIES!#Watched âDimmsdale Dazeâ b/c I had a note on my Chloe analysis about her crashing her car I wanted to fact-check#Anyway I still love her. Silly#Rebellious golden child#Totally forgot Timmy has issues with her parents in this episode too SDKFLJS..... He thinks they're the worst.#Also the âStart the car Larryâ reference to TUFF Puppy is funny#Nerdy blue bat son
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I've Finally Figured Out Why Curly's Skin-Thing Frustrates Me
I was talking to someone earlier about how people sometimes refer to Curly as "corpse-like" and why that might be offensive to burn victims, and I was trying to explain why some people might think that way. I think after that conversation, I was finally able to articulate what frustrated me about Curly's burn situation. He doesn't look like he actually has burn scars.
Here are some real life 3rd degree burn scars (sorry if some of them have a before and after photo, they were the best I could get):
Here's also a diagram of burn severity just as extra stuff:
They appear very different from Curly's scars. They are more...wrinkly doesn't seem like the right word? They do not seem to have straight lines that flow in a specific pattern, and are more vein-like than anything. A lot of them also have a more regular skin tone. Whether pink or not, they are not the shade of deep crimson red that Curly's are. They overall look completely different in many ways. One might argue that different types of burns and different degrees cause different scarring, and I agree with that. In fact, having looked into burn scarring a bit more, I believe that Curly's scars may be 4th degree or higher, as it went past the skin.
Let's look at a few:
I have found an example of a real world burn survivor with some similarities to Curly:
youtube
(Honestly really liked this video, especially since it taught me a bit more about burn survivors when I first watched it a few years ago)
He, like Curly, had a disfigured mouth and eyes and whatnot. It shows that some of Curly's injuries are realistic, such as his mouth and probably his eyelid. However, his burns still look very different. All of them look much more similar to each other than they do to Curly.
In general, I have not yet found an example of burn scarring that looks similar to IRL scarring. I believe that's one aspect of this, but there is a second, bigger part. The big issue here isn't just that Curly doesn't look like he has burn scars, but that he does look similar to one of those medical textbook muscle diagrams.
His burns are a lot more fleshy and have a certain pattern to them that regular burns (even the most severe ones) don't. They follow lines across the body and take on a certain shape, whereas usually burn scars aren't quite like that. In face, the look a lot like the actual muscle structure:
(The bandages looking a bit like bones certainly doesn't help with that)
On top of it all (and this has always drove me insane), he is specifically described as having no skin. Even the most severe burn survivors have something. They have skin, or at least some sort of layer between the muscles and the outside.
According to all my research (and trust me, I tried), it is physically impossible to live without skin. You will die.
To me, Curly doesn't appear to have actual burn scars or even look like he was burned. Hell, before I knew anything about the game, I never would have guessed he had been burned. Instead, he looks more like his skin was peeled off, not burnt off.
A metaphor I used while talking to the other person is that Curly is like seeing a character who supposedly broke their spine, but then you learn that their entire spine actually disintegrated into nothing and they have literally no spinal cord. And you're like "wtf how is this bitch still alive" because you can live with a damaged spine but you cannot live with zero spine at all.
People don't think of him as a burn victim because there are no burn scars. In fact, I often forget he's a burn victim because he doesn't appear to have any actual burn wounds. Like, all his wounds don't look like burns of any kind. They look more like those medical textbooks. Thus, people see him as "corpse-like" because no living person with burn scars looks like him (at least, not that I can find). Because he literally looks more like a diagram of muscle structure than he does a burn victim. His design is unrealistic in a way that make people horrified.
He literally, in every possible way has no skin.
And that is why so many people are freaked out by him.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing fandom#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#post crash curly#burn scars#burn victims#facial disfigurement#disability representation#character design#design analysis#i'm not gonna add a fucking tw to this post because most of these are photos of real people#Youtube
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Some thoughts about the mouthwashing fandom and some character analysis(?) under the cut.
While the game is clearly meant for older audiences (14+ at least, from my understanding, although I couldn't find an official age rating), the fandom is flooded by kids and teens too young to even play the game or understand the characters and actions they take.
The game deals with some very upsetting themes. From murder and suicide to self harm and sexual assault (some more prominent than others). While it's totally fine if someone feels uncomfortable with any of these themes, that doesn't erase them from the game and shouldn't discourage people from showing them in the fandom. If it's truly that upsetting to someone I would recommend they go into some other fandom (at least where the source material is not as triggering to them). We are here to have a good time, not a stressful one.
The fandom is this twisted 'happy/nothing bad happens' and everyone is turning a blind eye to how disturbing and disgusting the game was.
Don't get me started on the treatment Jimmy goes through. Yes, he is a terrible person for what he does in game but 1: he was clearly mentally unwell* (I'll add to that later), especially after a point and 2: 'fandom Jimmy' literally did nothing wrong (unlike cannon Jimmy), his depictions in the fandom is him being brutally murdered or just existing.
*It's not only implied in game that he's mentally unwell, we literally see him descent into madness by the end. From the beginning (him refusing to cooperate for the phyc evaluations), to the breakdown he was having after he navigated the ship to crash into a meteorite, to him having hallucinations (the graveyard, the cake scene with everyone gathered etc).
Also Curly, damn. I get it that he enabled Jimmy's actions to a degree but are we forgetting Swansea also stood there and did nothing? He said Anya was telling him 'all sorts of things' (implying the SA from Jimmy) yet he still did literally nothing, not even attempt to talk to him. Curlys worst sin was him being a realistic and complex character. Having a personal crisis about his own future and fulfilment in life, trying to navigate the whole 'pony express is closing' with an unhappy crew, having to help Anya who was having basically a breakdown and was on a high risk of hurting herself with the gun, having to confront Jimmy about the whole affair (it was implied that he didn't know from the beginning that the pregnancy was not only unwanted but also forced), trying to help an old friend. It all piles up. He could have handled things better, sure, but to pretend he is equally as bad as Jimmy is just wrong and shows the lack of judgment, understanding and overall empathy of realistic characters and situations.
Neither Curly nor Swansea did anything drastic because there was nothing they could do. Curly was trying to help everyone in his way, too blinded by their friendship to acknowledge or predict what Jimmy was capable of before it was too late.
Personally I think mouthwashing is an excellent game, definitely one of the best I've ever played. The story, the way the events take place, the characters, the imagery, the music. The way it successfully builds up the uneasy atmosphere without any jumpscares, embracing the 'psychological horror' element to it's fullest. Truly a great game, I just wish the fandom was a little more 'mature' (mentally wise).
#it's not wrong or bad to be a kid who likes horror etc but this is definitely not a child friendly game#honestly I don't understand the Jimmy hate to that level. he's terrible yes but also kinda tragic? and definitely his actions are explained#not censoring his name like how I've seen people do because saying things with their own name is better imo that making words up#feels like sugarcoating them. like we demonize the word itself#sorry for rambling#not art#text#mouthwashing#fandom critical#character analysis#cw sa mention#cw death mention#feel free to add anything and I'm totally up for civil discussion#btw when I said his actions are explained I meant after the crash. everything before is like. a mystery. who tf does all that
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thinking about daisuke and art and. working with your hands. starving artist. gendered labour. lower class. high expectations. never understood. "Not real art" expensive gallery art. young eyes. different standards. "not serious enough". you'll never be as good as the people before you. suffering as an artform. saturn devouring his son. paintbrushes made from horse hair. fashion as a form of art. art as a form of expression. the beauty in pain. only valued after you're dead. self portrait. face paint. performance art. catering to your audience. hobbies vs a career. finger painting. ai art. replaceable. "you had so much passion as a kid. where did it go ?". family legacy. weaponising your trauma for your craft. immigrant parents. no mistakes, only happy accidents. always needed but never valued. art museums. never good enough. idk. idk...
#cacophony of kaliya#daisuke#mouthwashing#mouthwashing analysis#idk just. daisuke drawing yimpy. drawing all over her notes. loving fashion and having an eye for it. parents dont understand.#wasted potential. asian parents wanting only the best from you. black sheep of the family. never smart enough never good enough.#crashing the bud before it could bloom. she had so much ahead of her. idk.#rip daisuke u would have loved mitski#specifically the retired from sad album. imo...
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i kinda feel like crash may not have known he had a sister until just before the 2nd game when coco escapes. like, i don't think he's the kinda guy who would've just left her there had he known. he went back for tawna after all.
i feel like thats what the flashback tapes may have been implying, i can't be completely sure on that of course but that's what it feels like to me. coco knew about crash but he didn't know about her.
#crash bandicoot#crash bandicoot 4: it's about time#coco bandicoot#crash#crash analysis#shes smart so she seeks him out after her escape#again im just focusing on 1-3 and 4 IAT lol#evil science has entered the chat
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twp takes place in 2015 so itâll feature peak tumblr culture and big 1989 vibes
so this means style will be kitty anthem đ€âđ»
#im feeding the swiftie!kit allegations like this#once again: i cant make characters analysis but!!#i can associate a song thats so spot on (or at least i believe so)#you got that LONG HAIR#coff coff ty coff#AND WHEN WE GO CRASHING DOWN WE COME BACK EVERY TIME#if a ship can relate to style then they are an it couple đ€đ»#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#the wicked powers#the dark artifices#twp#tda#shadowhunters#tsc#the shadowhunter chronicles
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Still thinking about the opening crash scene in Mouthwashing and how Anyaâs ID card is there so sheâs the first character youâre introduced to before you realize the POVs are only with Jimmy or Curly. The only identifier of anyone during that opening sequence is Anya which makes many players think sheâs the one who crashed the ship since you donât have any other options yet. Thereâs so many points in the game where Jimmy and even Curly canât see things or see new things in the game that others donât because theyâre unreliable characters.
In the opening scene of Mouthwashing even the setting itself blames Anya for the crash because itâs Jimmyâs POV. And Jimmy blames Anya for everything thatâs happened
#the first play through of mouthwashing I watched saw Anyaâs ID card in the locker and was like oh Anya crashes the ship?#it still haunts me#yapping#Mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#analysis#honeystar
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Wait... maybe it was c!Dream who was the first to boop, booping c!Tommy in exile like a friendly - "Hey, put your stuff in the hole, idiot." :D But it got misconstrued and taken the wrong way and became a trend...
Like clearly the Butcher Army just wanted to evil boop c!Techno -but c!Techno didn't appreciate that so he super booped c!Quackity in the face with a pickaxe -but c!Quackity didn't like that so he spammed c!Dream with boops until he lagged and crashed...
#dsmp the boop saga#Q booped dream so much his computer crashed XD... over and over#poor sam always having to restart it lol#dreblr#dsmp#dsmp analysis#c!tommy#c!dream#c!technoblade#c!quackity#this is fine#dsmpblr
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curse of strahdanya has officially taken over my brain! alongside arcaneâŠseason two is SO GOOD SO FARR please go watch it if you havenât. holy shit yall it does not disappoint
spoilers for up to and the entirety of episode 7 of cos â ill mainly be talking about character dynamics (mostly shepnax) but major events and plot developments will be explicitly discussed as well, so, if youâre not there yet, please donât keep reading (getting spoilered for this stuff is not worth it i promise)
im sorry in advance. im not even done writing everything yet and its already very long
the way i see it, episode 7 is a major turning point for not only the whole story but inter-party relationships as well. iâll be organizing this a little bit so itâs less text-wall-y (hopefully)
shepherd
thereâs the raven mother they find nailed to the wall â the culprit being strahdanya. this definitely fueled the hate that all of the party had for her, but especially shepherd. he literally screams out in anguish and, later, calls strahdanya a coward and bitch â something weâve never seen shepherd do before.* i think the events in the beginning of ep 7 is what really cemented his and the partyâs objective: destroy strahdanya. before, i sensed some kind of âwiggle roomâ: the party would be willing to work with her a bit, though only for a very short amount of time and would probably backstab her. but after witnessing all that? strahdanya is irredeemably evil, not worthy of consideration / sympathy / courtesy, and i think it finally fully dawned on them all
*i also love how much raw emotion shepherd expresses throughout the campaign. the rest of the party has their moments too (i can immediately think of kana and victoria, but im not remembering any significant ones for clayton or sarnax though i know they exist), but shepherd consistently reacts to the hellhole that is barovia in such a genuine way that it grounds the whole narrative and, to me, makes barovia that much more horrifying. in other stories or discussions of stories ive seen like this (and even in the cos party itself), the characters are largely untouched by the horrors that occur in such a setting. which, fit the characters/purpose as it might, distances the audience at least a tiny bit from the happenings of the narrative. but when you have an otherwise grounded, calm, capable individual like shepherd crack? thatâs when it really hits you i think. like, the whole thing with sarnax reviving the mother? shepherd being so relieved and overcome with a multitude of feelings that his voice cracks as he holds back tears, begging the mother to rest and not do any work? it made me feel the same way, and it really drove home how wonderful this act is and how dire their situation is. shepherd (and andy by extension!) have drawn the most emotion out of me in my watch, and its possibly the main reason i enjoy his character so much
him being seemingly chosen by the silver dragon (which, again, another turning point) is very compelling in a narrative sense too because shepherd doesnt want power, he doesnât seem to even like the idea of leading (or at least being pushed into a position of leadership). iâll touch on it later in the shepherd and sarnax segment (if i dont forget lol, my mind is running wild while i write this)
victoria
i think strahdâs infatuation with her and the physical effects it has (kanaâs cleansing ritual failing because the water becomes blood as it touches victoria) is so interesting, especially her inner conflict with her heritage and wickedness (and the distrust it sows between her and the party, at least initially)
i really enjoyed how victoria was vulnerable with kana, and how kana handled it with such care and compassion. this is also a turning point, i think, when it comes their relationship: kana promises to protect victoria, and victoria promises to fight the darkness within her; they definitely got closer after that, and their bond was deepened. i dont imagine strahd would be very happy about victoria not being enamored by her and being helped by her party, though itâs very possible that she enjoys âthe chaseâ (for the lack of a better term)
when they came across the dusk elf in the order of the silver dragon estate-thing, itâs a pretty clear parallel to victoria given her appearance, heritage, and reason for being in barovia. i could be very very wrong about this but its heavily implied victoriaâs elf half is a dusk elf, which makes sense considering, again, that sheâs in barovia to learn about her lineage and that dusk elves are the only elves mentioned so far. i think this is the first time sheâs genuinely made progress in her goal
sarnax
sarnaxâs identity revolves around gherix: his whole life is devoted to the fire lord; heâs used to communing with and praying to his god. itâs likely what kept him going in such a terrible place with such terrible odds of survival, let alone returning (which heâs convinced he will not). so when strahdanya intercepted the augury spell he was so clearly shaken. it was one of the few moments, if not the only one, where sarnax was in genuine, utter panic â the whole time shepherd repeatedly asked him if he was alright and he didnât seem to hear those words at all. suddenly he learned that strahdanya could damage or possibly sever his connection to his god, the being his life is centered around. (kanaâs comment certainly didnât help)
but what happens after â the augury spell reading âwealâ and sarnax being able to revive the mother â strengthens his faith. it was tested, but he prevailed. i think he was also filled with a newfound sense of purpose, knowing that, no matter what strahd does, his god considers him worthy enough
about him and kana: episode 7 is the culmination of their slow development towards not only tolerating each otherâs beliefs but to understand and embrace them, specifically with kana saying that she trusts in sarnax and his god
sarnax and shepherd
the conversation between them was my favorite moment in this episode by far. there are so many layers,
shepherd so clearly doesnt want to embody his namesake and be a leader, but the silver dragon and someone he trusts so much â sarnax â and fate itself push him in that direction, so he just does. shepherd says:
âsarnax donâtâ
âno why would you-â
âwhy- why- why would you put this on me, why?â
âhow can you say that?â
âthis was just a job. i mean this was just to make sure we all got here and back safelyâŠhow did this happen?â
then, laterâŠ
âalright, alright iâŠokay. iâŠdont know what to sayâ
âalrightâŠalrightâŠokay, understoodâ
âsure, sure. lead the wayâ and, after sarnax says âno, shepherd. you lead the way, i will light the path,â ââŠfine.â
essentially, he sucks it up. and thatâs interesting to me since shepherd shows so much emotion, so itâs clearly not a âmen dont cryâ-type ideology thing. i think itâs probably related to his desire to do good, and as well as the good doc. after all, the doc gave him his virtue name: shepherd. it only makes sense that he would be written by fate as one: a person who guides the lost through the darkness. so thatâs my guess as to why he so readily accepts this burden
i think sarnax being the one to say this also played a role in it^. shepherd witnessed firsthand the power of gherix and sarnaxâs wisdom, so much so that he prayed to gherix. shepherd, who was originally averse to anything religious, prayed. and i also think sarnax is shepherdâs only true friend in the party. his relationship with clayton, victoria, and kana feels like professional acquaintances â theyâre comfortable with each other and certainly growing closer, but he seeks out sarnax (and sarnax does too) and both have called the other a friend or good friend, on more than one occasion for shepherd and at least one for sarnax. itâs obvious that shepherd values what sarnax has to say and cares for him.
because of that, sarnax saying that he will die in barovia (specifically that he doesnât âbelieve [he has] a place back in avantrisâ and that âwhatever it is that [they] achieve here will be [his] endâ because he has âseen it in the flamesâ) and shepherdâs reaction hits even harder for me.
shepherd says âiâm not gonna leave you. iâm not gonna leave anyone.â
and sarnax replies âthen it will be i that leaves you.â
itâs the shortest exchange, but it holds so much weight. sarnax has accepted his fate, possibly long before this. but when before sarnax took charge and led the group, shining his light, he steps back, realizing shepherd is the one who (he thinks) fits that role. he still guides, but he doesnât lead, and he believes shepherd should. but shepherd doesnât. shepherdâs used to following orders, as we see so many times with him and clayton (but also him and sarnax), and struggles to make decisions for the group â when they ask him where they should go, shepherd seemingly blanks and he just picks whatever as fast as he can (to get the pressure off him, i assume). and despite this, shepherdâs line reinforces what sarnax thinks: a good shepherd doesnât leave his sheep behind, he goes after and, well, shepherds them.
and honestly the whole relationship between shepherd and sarnax. them being regarded as monsters by others, being dehumanized by, for example, vascha [?] thinking shepherd is a devil and esmeralda calling sarnax shepherdâs pet ->
shepherd answers, understably upset, âheâs not my pet, heâs a person!â i figured sarnax felt the same way, but when he was praying to gherix, he referred to shepherd as âa vessel for [gherixâs] wrath.â so that raised a question to me: does sarnax truly care for shepherd (in the way shepherd does), or does he view him as a tool? itâs interesting to think about. it could be him truly caring about shepherd and seeing him as a capable person who will have a great role in his godâs plans which, i imagine, is among the highest of honors â the first possibility in the question, but filtered through the lens of sarnaxâs religious perspective (which i think is the most likely and most compelling)
and thereâs the parallel with them being connected to gold and silver dragons: different, but the same. (unrelated tangent but thereâs also a very interesting parallel between shepherd being chosen by the silver dragon [âgoodâ] and victoria being chosen by strahdanya [âbadâ])
sarnax saying âsilver will unite with goldâ is, on the surface, about the two dragon-gods involved in the story. but i think, on a deeper and probably unintended level, it also applies to shepherd and sarnax growing closer (as they have been since the prologue, following in the footsteps of their respective dragons, and shepherd connecting the two dragons by his faith in gherix and affinity to the silver dragon.
i think thatâs everything! hopefully i wont post this and immediately remember something i didnât mention
thank you for reading all of this <33
#hopefully the order (not chronological) i wrote this in (and the whole thing in general) makes sense#idk. curse of strahdanya my beloved#yes i did transcribe the majority of the sarnax shepherd conversation#on paper because my notes app kept crashing whenever i tried to write a single word#im so normal about them#curse of strahdanya#sarnax of the edelwood#silas shepherd morgan#silas âshepherdâ morgan#kana soyokaze#victoria isaacs#legends of avantris#not art#media analysis#-> maybe#jade rambles
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