#couldn't fit these ones in the other post

[adventuretolkienlover]

LOL. Okay so I had this very early concept of how they met. And I don't know if I'll keep it canon, since it doesn't quite fit with some.new ideas I had. But here's what happens. Under the cut since it's long.

I imagine Blackout came across a town/village/whatever, and it was of course, Thunder Crash's hometown. At the time, she was grounded because she had taken a hit to the wing in battle, and couldn't fly. So she figured she could get the inhabitants to hand over supplies, since they didn't seem to be particularly well armed and were all much scrawnier then herself. So she SWOOPS into town, makes a BIG scary deal about it, and just before she can start threatening them into giving up any supplies...

T.C: Hey there gorgeous! :D💖

Blackout: *Looks around confused, WHO DARE ADDRESS ME IN SUCH AN UNCIVILIZED MANNER???*

T.C: Down here!

Blackout: *Looks down, sees tiny future husband* And who are you?

T.C: Name's Thunder Crash! So, what brings a beautiful woman like you here? *Leans against post, Raises eyebrows flirtingly, slips and falls on face* 💖

Background Rando 1: YOU'RE GONNA GET EATEN YOU DUMB AFT.

Background Rando 2: Easy now Dave. Don't get in the way of natural selection.

Blackout *Not listening, only thinking*: (Kidnapping one of them = Scaring them more = Them doing whatever I want to get him back = Supplies. Excellent.)

SOOOOOOO, she snatches up Thunder Crash, tells them that if they don't give up supplies, she'll take him out, and a huge army of soldiers will roll in. (Nonexistent ones ofc. Lol.) And she runs off into the mountains. While up there, she probably holes up in a cave or smth. And has T.C in a "Cell". (Smaller Cave) After Thunder Crash realizes that "NO" she did not just carry him off to go on a nice date, he insists that no one will come from him and that's fine, because they get can get to know each other better. :3 LMAO. Blackout doesn't believe him though, and thinks he's trying to trick her through flirting. So they wait. And wait. And wait.......... No one comes. :')

And TBH I only have a vague idea of what happens from here. I imagine somehow they begin talking. Maybe it even starts with Blackout interrogating him, on why no one came for him. Maybe she's suspicious and thinks they're planning an ambush? And from there she finds out about how he's not particularly liked in the village because of his clumsiness and seemingly useful skill set??? Maybe some sadness creeps into his voice and we see he's not okay actually??? Maybe he actually lands a decent pick up line and helps her get the means to fix her wing??? IDK. *THROWS UP HANDS* THEY'RE JUST DRAGGING ME ALONG IN THIS STORY. THEY GAINED SENTIENCE AND NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO NEXT. LOL.🤣🤣🤣

Ahem, anyways... So that's it. Since it's such a a rough idea, it might be scrapped unless I can figure out how to make it work better.😅 So we'll see.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

You are a villain who kidnapped the smart guy on your nemesis team, they tell you that nobody will come for them and that the hero doesn’t care. You didn’t believe them at first but it been a month and nobody shows up and after once again hearing them cry at night you had enough.

[vxnillabxn]

Hii, I saw ur last post about mute reader I couldn't resist to ask— can u write for a half deaf reader? I have to use hearing aids and it's so hard to find disability hc's/shots for the reader in lads ;;

Thank u!!!

𐙚˙⋆.˚ mainfive! x half deaf gn!reader ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ fluff! ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ sfw! ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ do not translate/copy/repost! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚hiiii! i had to do some research and ask some friends of mine for their experiences, so i truly hope i got this right! also, i know each experience is different, and there are different spectrums, but i tried to keep this as general as possible, hope that's okay! thanks for the request ♡ ꒰ˆ◞⸝⸝◟ˆ ꒱੭ﾞ

𐙚˙⋆.˚ caleb! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚he always takes you out to cute, cozy places —most of them quiet enough not to feel overwhelming, and it's always just the two of you, of course.

﹙♡﹚beforehand, he visits all those places himself and checks what events are coming up, so you're never caught by surprise by sudden crowds or loud noises.

﹙♡﹚when talking to you in public, he cups your cheeks and leans in close —partly so you can read his lips and hear him better, and partly so everyone else sees just how close he is to you.

﹙♡﹚you never even have to worry about charging your hearing aids; he's already done it. in fact, he helps you put them on and makes sure they're secure, after years of quiet practice.

﹙♡﹚he recognizes your tiniest expressions; you don't have to say you're overwhelmed for him to notice. he knows how tiring it can be to hear everything amplified, so if it starts to feel too much, he'll gently guide you away without a word.

﹙♡﹚he also notices when you force a laugh or smile because you missed what someone said, but don't want to ask for them to repeat themselves. he'll make them, though.

﹙♡﹚and if anyone dares to look annoyed or refuse? he'll shoot them the friendliest smile, but under the table, he is ready to shoot something —someone— else.

﹙♡﹚after all, all he wants is for you to feel just as included as everyone else —and to feel completely safe leaving whenever things get draining. just say the word, pips. he lives to make your life easier. that's it.

﹙♡﹚also, he remembers when you two used to play hide and seek when you were little. you wouldn't notice how loud you were being when hiding… and he'd have to pretend not to hear you just to see that toothless smile on your face when he let you win. bless his heart.

﹙♡﹚so you can trust him with everything. you don't even have to think; he's already thinking for you. because he wants you to lean on him for everything— even for the things you didn't know you needed, or the things you thought you had already taken care of… but he always knew better.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ rafayel! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚i feel like you two have more chances to be petty. literally. if he gets too dramatic, you can just pull your hearing aids off and walk away.

﹙♡﹚and if he follows you or starts signing dramatically from across the room, you can close your eyes —and that's it. he hates it, though.

﹙♡﹚every time this happens, he'll pull you closer, press you against his chest, and groan in frustration —just so you feel the vibrations of his dramatic sulking. there's no escaping him when he wants something… or when he decides to be petty back.

﹙♡﹚if it's the other way around, and you're the one throwing a fit? he'll turn away and cover his ears, whispering and bickering under his breath. your hearing aids might not catch it, and you can't read his lips, but you know he's talking back. little minx.

﹙♡﹚on the sweeter side, he'll decorate your hearing aids. if you let him, he'll add tiny charms, paint delicate patterns, or design delicate little chains. he still wants them to feel comfy and easy to wear, just with a touch of his love and creativity.

﹙♡﹚and if you ask for something special, he'll work on it for days —especially if your design idea has anything to do with him. he loves the thought of you carrying a piece of him everywhere you go.

﹙♡﹚he absolutely adores taking you to big social gatherings. showing you off is second nature to him, but he'll always notice if it gets too loud or tiring. when that happens, he'll sneak you away to some… hidden spots strategically found, so you can still enjoy the event, but without all the chaos.

﹙♡﹚when you two go to the beach, he lights up if you take your hearing aids out to swim or dive with him.

﹙♡﹚and if you decide to keep them on and stay close to the shore (if the sea breeze isn't too strong for your hearing aids to catch), that's fine too. he'll still make sure you enjoy everything else: the warmth of the sun, the breeze, the cold splash of water against your legs. he never wants you to miss out.

﹙♡﹚on that note, he doesn't just sing for you, he signs beautifully too. he learns complex, graceful signs, moving his hands like they're dancing to silent music. so whenever you want to see your pretty fishy-man singing his heart out, you can choose between his voice… or his hands (you'd finally understand the old lemurian songs through the signs he uses, too!)

𐙚˙⋆.˚ sylus! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚okay. the power this man holds? incredible. he'll spoil you, buy you the best hearing aids he can find, and of course, you're invited to every single event he attends. he's more than happy to let you decide where to go, what to eat, what to drink, who to talk to…

﹙♡﹚after all, all he wants is for you to feel comfortable. and if the room suddenly becomes too loud —too many voices blending together, or the music making it hard to catch his soft voice, even when he's so close to you— he'll make everyone lower their voices. he'll even turn down the music himself, just so you can hear him.

﹙♡﹚when talking to you, he'll stare into your eyes a lot more than usual, making sure you are reading his lips clearly, making sure you don't miss a single word he says.

﹙♡﹚he'll slow his words if he has to, but from across the room he'll still say the most quietly passionate things, just to see you get flustered. he can't help it; he thinks it's funny how everyone else thinks you're communicating telepathically.

﹙♡﹚he'll also sign his words, in case you miss them —though he'll do everything to make sure you never do.

﹙♡﹚one thing he loves most? sharing quiet, calm moments with you back at the base.

﹙♡﹚when you both have time to rest, he'll have you sit next to the record player so you can hear every soft note of the melody, while he reads silently beside you.

﹙♡﹚and if you decide to take your hearing aids out, he'll have you sit in his lap instead, letting you feel the vibration of his voice as he reads out loud.

﹙♡﹚he knows your bond goes beyond words. as long as you can feel him next to you, always constant and loving, that's more than enough for both of you.

﹙♡﹚and… you might actually feel him try to purr like a cat when you're curled up together. you're his kitten, after all —and since kittens are born deaf but find comfort in warmth and purring, he tries to give you the same. but don't comment on it… please.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ xavier! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚i really think he'd rather sign than speak, to be honest. even if signing takes more effort, it goes more with his nature —like, he can express everything without having to search for the right words.

﹙♡﹚he's so soft-spoken that sometimes it's hard to make out what he says, especially if he isn't whispering directly into your ear, or when you're out on dates where there's background noise.

﹙♡﹚if you don't know sign language yet, he'd absolutely learn it with you. and if it still feels tricky sometimes, he'd come up with simpler, secret signs… like an alien language only the two of you understand.

﹙♡﹚without even noticing, he also picks up your little quirks and gestures. if you scrunch your nose when it gets too loud and your hearing aids start to hurt, he'll do it too.

﹙♡﹚when you watch his lips carefully to catch every word, he'll unconsciously do the same when you talk —even if he can hear with no issues at all.

﹙♡﹚he never questions it if you close a door a bit too loudly or speak louder than you mean to, because you can't really tell how loud you're being.

﹙♡﹚but honestly? he finds it endearing, especially if you're not wearing your hearing aids and you're walking around cluelessly.

﹙♡﹚some nights, he forgets you've taken your hearing aids out to charge, and he'll still mumble to you sleepily, not realizing you're just watching him with an amused smile.

﹙♡﹚and once he notices you didn't quite hear, —because, truly, his voice is so gentle— he'll simply come closer, take your hands in his, and guide them to his chest.

﹙♡﹚you can feel his steady heartbeat under your palms. and given the flush on his cheeks and the way his soft azure eyes look at you, you don't need words to know what he wants; for you to come closer… and cuddle.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ zayne! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚he makes sure to remind you to charge your hearing aids every night. if you're too sleepy to do so he'll do it for you without fail.

﹙♡﹚he actually enjoys keeping your home quiet; no loud tv, no overloading noise that might cause screeching sounds in your hearing aids, nothing.

﹙♡﹚when you two go out, he'd rather take you to cafés or restaurants, because he can look into your eyes, and you can easily read his lips as an extra help —and he loves to lovingly gaze at you.

﹙♡﹚he'll clean your hearing aids for you, and even though you know how to do it yourself, he'll still show you how he does it. it's always more precise… it must be because of his surgical hands.

﹙♡﹚he always tries to give you sensory breaks. he knows your other senses might feel heightened, especially if you're not wearing your hearing aids. he keeps the lights dimmed, and he likes to hold you close in the solace of your shared bedroom (or his office... or the living room... or his car...)

﹙♡﹚when you get particularly overwhelmed, even indoors, he'll let you rest your head against his chest so you can listen to his heartbeat to ground you.

﹙♡﹚he'll also whisper secrets as you recharge, but very, very quietly. you'd only catch the soft vibrations, not the words themselves. it doesn't matter, because it brings comfort —even if he uses it to confess everything he's been holding back, waiting for the perfect moment.

﹙♡﹚if you get overwhelmed in public, and you give him permission to, he'll gently take off your hearing aids, cup your cheeks —to cover your ears, too— and slowly mouth “you are with me, you are safe.”

﹙♡﹚it works every time, especially since he always leads you somewhere quiet and safe afterwards… which is pretty much anywhere he is, for he is your safest place.

﹙♡﹚at the end of each day, he'll softly kiss behind your ears before gently massaging them between his fingers to soothe them. he wants you to fall asleep, the last thing you feel being him. every time.

[fewuwa]

I hate how overlooked St. Pastry Order

like THAT'S THE WHOLE RELIGIOUS CULT IN COOKIE RUN??? AMAZING

But outside of that, I want to discuss how this important this cult is for some characters' narratives. This post won't have a structure, just general thoughts. Starting from... White lily cookie.

Do I even need to remind you who also spent her whole life in search of the truth of this world? ;)

(The church in general is very connected to MAIN narrative. In odyssey we learn that they also need soul jams for their plans coming true )

Not to mention the first time we ever discovered what happened with white lily was...related with St. Pastry Order. It's the first time we have ever learned that this cult exists. (Also, White Lily cookie in korean is actually SAINT lily cookie, idk why eng translation removed this religious undertone here... but oh well)

The major themes of St.Pastry Order is fate and finding purpose of life. Again, themes mainly related to white lily's character arc.

I think if wl will discover about the cult, she might be terrified with the very idea of it itself. They worship the gods who eat them, accepting their fate as just a food on a plate.. The very thing she couldn't accept herself, which twisted her soul and made dark enchantress exist in the first place.

I think White Lily will play a big part in cult's story . It just makes sense

There are  many secrets about the cult, which are going to be revealed in September. Like, what god outside of witches they worship?

It's totally avatar of destiny ( fate theme again). I also find it interesting how Black Forest Cookie's transformation resembles it. I have no idea tho what role will it play outside of being boss

Director in one of the interview mentioned that old characters will be relevant in the story again. It can be a great opportunity for pastry cookie to come back.

In general I hate how fandom demonized and treated her. She was manipulated in cult for a long time ( there's a description that her name is not even her own, and she was rebaked into this role. Methaphor or not, that's sad). SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE OTHER WAY... or at least didn't know?

She discovered the truth about  witches that day on tower and feels...very conflicted.I think it will be a great opportunity for her character development. To free herself from cult and find HER own way ( ofc if devs care about her enough lol)

And finally. Silent salt. Before his corruption, he resembles a paladin, a saint knight, probably devoted to some kind of an idea

I think it's  foreshadowed enough that silent salt must be connected to the cult. The main thing about both wl and salt's soul jam is solidarity, which represents freedom and silence.

Solidarity can be used in a twisted way. Cults in real life usually create a strong sense of unity by shared mission among their members. But it's also the main tactic for retaining its members. As soon as even one seed of discord appears, the best thing that can be done to maintain order is to silence the dissenters. And it can fit Silent Salt's character motive pretty well.

Idk what devs are cooking overall, but it's going to be exciting. There are so many things to address, and i hope story won't turn out to be a dissapointment

[writingsoftarnishedsilver]

Almost, Always | Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Chapter Four

← Previous Chapter Next Chapter →

A story of almosts, maybes, and finallys. You and Sebastian Sallow have loved each other for years, just never at the right time.

Words: ~3,300

Series Tags: Modern AU, Post-Hogwarts, Auror!Sebastian Sallow, Cursebreaker!MC, Modern Magical AU, Female Reader Insert, Mid-Size / Plus-Size Female Protagonist, Friends to Lovers, Long-Term Mutual Pining, Slow Burn Romance, Missed Timing, Second Chances, Grief and Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Body Image Issues, Fluff, Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending

Content Warnings: Sexual Assault, Trauma, Abortion (Non-Descriptive), Strong Emotional Themes

Chapter Track: Cigarette Daydreams, Cage the Elephant

Special thanks to @sunnyrealist for beta-ing the plot of this story and @dreamy-gal-30 for beta-ing the chapter drafts! I could not do this without you!

Sebastian, Age 21

The pub was loud. Someone had spelled the overhead lights to cycle through colors, and a jukebox in the corner was struggling through a bastardized remix of some Adele song. Garreth was dramatically recounting a patrol incident involving a kelpie and a broken wand while Leander was losing a bet to one of the younger Aurors over whether dragons could be tamed with song.

Sebastian took a long drink from his pint. It had been a long week. A body found in Knockturn. Another sleepless shift. The beginnings of a war brewing between departments over jurisdiction. He’d needed out of the Ministry walls, and a drink with the lads had seemed easier than staying in and thinking too much.

Ominis was next to him, as always, quiet but listening. Sebastian leaned back in his chair and let the half-buzz from his drink dull the edge of his thoughts.

And then, like clockwork, your name came up.

“She was fit as hell,” said Tom Greaves, one of the lads a year younger than Sebastian, “And clever too."

Sebastian felt it immediately, that sharp flicker in his gut. He didn’t look up. Just took another drink.

Garreth glanced at him sideways but nodded along. "A legend, she is. Showed up in fifth year, dismantled the goblin rebellion, and beat our lad Sebastian in every Crossed Wands duel they ever had."

Sebastian couldn't help but smile at that. "I let her win."

Leander laughed. “Sure you did.”

“Didn’t she go into field work or something?” Tom asked.

“She’s a Cursebreaker,” Ominis said before Sebastian could. “Ministry's archaeology division."

Another one of the younger guys, Evan, hummed. “Think she’s still single?”

"Probably," James, the youngest in the group, snorted. "She didn’t date anyone in school. Turned down every bloke who asked, no matter how persistent.”

Garreth made a noise into his drink. “Yeah, that was half the fun of watching it happen.”

Leander chuckled. “Didn’t matter who it was. She’d give ’em this flat look and then absolutely gut them with one line.”

“I remember,” Evan said, grinning. “She shut down Alfred Rowle so hard he dropped out of Arithmancy just to avoid seeing her again.”

“Did us all a favor,” Garreth muttered.

"She was a bloody knockout,” Evan continued, all wide-eyed innocence and cocky undertone. “Always was. I remember in Crossed Wands, Lucan had her duel two people at once and she didn't even blink. Wiped the floor with them and barely broke a sweat.”

“She could’ve been top brass by now,” James agreed. “If she’d joined the Aurors, I mean. Fast-track material for sure. Dunno why she didn’t.”

Tom smirked over his pint. “And she had that look, too. A bit of attitude, bit of mystery. Fucking sharp, that one. I swear she could cut you in half with a sentence and you'd thank her for it.”

"And the thighs on her," Evan grinned. "She could’ve cracked a Bludger with them.”

Leander and Garreth exchanged a glance. Sebastian’s jaw flexed.

“Big eyes too,” Tom said dreamily. “And the tits—sorry, but it’s true—proper hourglass. Never wore anything tight, but you could still tell.”

"Alright," Ominis cut in smoothly. "She's not a bloody calendar girl."

“Okay, okay,” Evan said, holding up his hands like he was innocent. “I know you lot were friends with her. Still are, yeah? Didn’t mean anything by it.”

Leander shrugged, tone light but his eyes not quite. “Look, lads. Talk like that’s gonna get you hexed. Probably by her, if she ever hears half of it.”

Sebastian didn’t move. Didn’t look up. He just traced a slow line down the condensation of his glass with his thumb, jaw locked so tight it ached.

Evan looked back at him. “Seriously though, Sallow, you two were joined at the bloody hip. You mean to tell me you never—?”

Sebastian looked up then. The smile he gave was paper-thin. “Nah,” he said. “We were just friends.”

Garreth’s smile faltered slightly. Ominis didn’t move. Leander gave a pointed cough and reached for the drinks menu like it might distract from the sudden shift in air pressure.

“Pity,” Tom went on, swirling the last of his drink. “She always seemed your type.”

Evan leaned back, grinning. “Yeah, and curvy as hell. I mean, Merlin, have you seen her lately? Those pictures floating around, one from that summit in Cairo? She’s hotter now than she was at school.”

Tom laughed. “Fieldwork’s done her good. She looks like she could still knock a bloke flat. Just, you know, maybe in a more creative position now.”

Sebastian’s chair scraped back. He stood, slid his nearly empty glass toward the middle of the table, and reached for his coat without a word.

Ominis shifted, like he might say something, but then just exhaled through his nose and turned his head away.

“Where you off to?” Evan asked, not unkindly, still half-laughing.

Sebastian slung on his coat, jaw tight. “Air.”

Then he pushed through the door and out into the cold, the noise of the pub trailing after him like static.

The night was cool, damp, and blessedly quiet. Sebastian stepped off the stoop, away from the windows and the voices still bleeding out through the warped old glass, and into the dark.

He dug into his coat pocket, pulled out the crumpled packet, and tapped a cigarette free. It wasn’t even his brand, just whatever he’d grabbed last time he said he was “quitting” and then didn’t.

He lit it and took a long drag, head tipped back toward the sky, and let the smoke bleed out through his nose.

He didn’t even like the taste. Hated the smell, if he was honest. It clung to everything. His clothes, his fingertips, the lining of his throat. You’d have hated it. Would’ve wrinkled your nose and called him disgusting, probably stolen the cigarette out of his mouth and hexed it to ash before he could get a second puff.

He hadn’t told you about it. He told himself he’d quit before the next time he saw you. That you’d never have to know he’d picked up a habit that made him feel more like his Uncle than himself.

He took another drag then dug out his phone out of his pocket.

[1 Missed Call – You]

His heart lurched in his chest, a quiet, traitorous thud. You hadn’t called in nearly two weeks.

His thumb moved to tap Call Back, but before he had the chance—

"Sebastian?"

He turned, pulse still thrumming, to find Samantha Dale standing just a few feet away.

Of course.

She had that same practiced ease she’d always carried—hips tilted, a hand on her hip, dark hair tucked behind one ear in a way that made it look effortless. She wore a fitted coat and sleek boots, all charm and polish, like the past three years had been nothing more than a seasonal break.

“Been awhile,” she said, stepping closer, her voice was all honeyed casualness.

Sebastian dropped his hand to his side, screen still glowing faintly before it dimmed.

"Yeah," he said, bringing his cigarette back to his mouth. It had been three years since he dumped her for the last time.

"How've you been?" He asked.

“Better now, apparently,” Samantha said, flashing a smile as smooth as her tone. She fished around in her coat pocket before producing her own pack of lights. She tugged one free. "D'you mind?"

Sebastian stepped forward and snapped his fingers, lighting her cigarette with a flick of flame. The tip caught, glowing ember-red as she took a slow drag.

“Always liked that trick,” she murmured, exhaling smoke from the corner of her mouth. “Used to do it for me between classes.”

Sebastian gave a noncommittal grunt, turning slightly so they weren’t standing so close, though it didn’t seem to register with her.

“Still with the Aurors?” she asked after a beat, eyes sliding over him in that way that always felt more evaluative than curious.

“Yeah.”

She smirked. “Figures."

Sebastian returned the question. "What about you?”

“Oh, bouncing around,” she said breezily. “Consulting. Project management. You know me, never could stand getting dirty. Not like your lot.”

Another puff of smoke. Another too-familiar look. She leaned her shoulder against the brick wall beside them, one boot crossed over the other.

“You look good, by the way.” Her eyes dragged slowly up from his boots to his mouth.

Sebastian looked away, jaw tight. The compliment didn’t land the way she meant it.

"Thanks."

“I saw you with Ominis earlier,” she continued. “Still joined at the hip?”

Sebastian smirked faintly. “He’d hex me if I said otherwise.”

Samantha smiled too, but there was something edged in it. “And what about her?”

That stopped him cold. His body didn’t move, but something in his jaw twitched.

“You know who I mean,” she went on, tone carefully casual.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “We talk. She's busy.”

“Sure.” Samantha’s voice was lighter now, flippant. “Cursebreaking, right? I’ve seen the photos. All desert dust and ancient tombs. Looks good on her.”

Sebastian looked down at his boots, then back at her. “Guess she knew what she wanted.”

Samantha reached out, hand brushing his sleeve like it was an accident. “So did I.”

He didn’t pull away but he didn’t lean in, either.

“Funny,” she said, a touch softer. “How we always end up here.”

Sebastian took another drag from his cigarette. The smoke curled from his lips into the night.

“Yeah. Funny.”

But there was no humor in it. Only the quiet, gnawing truth that he shouldn’t be here. Not with her.

Sebastian turned slightly and looked at Samantha properly. She was beautiful. Objectively, he knew it to be true. Long, shiny black hair, with a tall, lithe figure and skin like porcelain—she looked like every witch in a fashion spread and carried herself like she knew it.

But for Sebastian, none of it mattered.

It had never worked. She had never worked. Not even back in school when he'd shagged her to get you out of his head. But he'd kept going back anyway, like a bad habit, something to sink into when the ache of you got too loud in his chest.

And god, he could already feel it happening again. The pull. The stupid, slippery slide back into something he knew would feel good for five minutes and hollow him out for a week.

Still, he didn’t stop it.

When she leaned in, he let her.

Their lips met, practiced. Familiar. She tasted like smoke and something overly sweet. It felt wrong.

But he kissed her anyway.

And when he pulled back, he smiled like nothing inside him had recoiled.

“I’ll catch up with you inside,” he said, voice low and charming and smooth. “Go warm us a booth.”

Samantha grinned, all teeth and lipstick, and gave his chest a playful pat. “Don’t take too long.”

She disappeared through the door.

Sebastian waited until it swung shut behind her.

Then he pulled out his phone, thumb hovering just a second. Tapped your name. Hit Call Back.

It rang once. Twice.

Then your voice, sleepy, warm, and real, answered on the other end. “Bas?”

He closed his eyes. Exhaled.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

“Bit,” you said through a yawn.

Sebastian leaned back against the wall, the brick cool through his coat. He could still taste Samantha’s lip gloss—artificial and cloying—but your voice cut through it like a balm. Groggy and soft with sleep, like you’d just rolled over and answered without thinking.

“Sorry,” he murmured.

"Was having a weird dream anyway," You said. "I was being chased by a cursed chamber pot.”

Sebastian huffed a quiet laugh. “That sounds horrifying.”

“It was. It had six legs.”

“That’s worse.”

You laughed softly. It hit him in the chest like a well-aimed stupefy. He could almost see you, curled under some too-thin camp blanket, hair a mess, voice husky with sleep and sand.

“Where are you?” he asked, "Still near Sicily?

“Mhm. It’s dry as hell and the Kneazles here have been cursed by the ruins, but the view’s nice.”

Sebastian smiled faintly. “Of course they’re cursed. You’ve got a real talent for finding the worst places on Earth.”

“I think they do it on purpose now,” you said, with that familiar wryness that always tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Like, ‘oh, let’s send her, she won’t complain, she’s practically feral.’”

He laughed again, quieter this time. “Yeah, well. You always did thrive in chaos.”

There was a pause. A soft shift in the background on your end; maybe the rustle of your blanket, or the wind pushing against the canvas of your tent.

Then, quieter, you said, “you sound tired.”

“I am,” he admitted. “Long week.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Sebastian sighed. "Just a bunch of bureaucratic nonsense, CB."

There was a pause, then your amused scoff filtered through the line. “Are you seriously going to call me that?”

He smirked faintly. “Don’t act like it wasn’t your idea.”

“It wasn't.”

“You said you started signing your notes that way. During that job in Marrakesh, remember? You didn’t want to waste ink writing Cursebreaker every time.”

“That was shorthand for the field team!” you protested, though he could hear the smile in your voice. “Not a nickname!"

“Well,” he drawled, “you should’ve thought of that before giving me something that fits in two syllables and makes you sound like a rogue agent.”

You made a noncommittal noise, the kind you only gave when you didn’t want to admit he was right. “Fine, alright. CB it is. Now, go on. Tell me about this bureaucratic nonsense."

Sebastian smile faded and he sighed. “They’ve got us tangled in a three-way jurisdiction pissing match over one body. One. Found in Knockturn. Some poor bastard who ran afoul of the wrong smuggler. Should be simple, right?”

You stayed quiet. He went on.

“Except now Reclamation wants it because the bloke had a cursed medallion on him, Domestic Enforcement says it’s theirs because it might be tied to a local crew, and Magical Threat Management sent some absolute knob from Geneva who keeps calling me ‘chap’.” His voice sharpened. “Chap, CB. Like we’re on a bloody cricket team.”

You snorted gently into the receiver. He loved that sound. You didn’t even have to say anything yet it always made him feel like someone was on his side.

“I’ve written three reports on the same corpse,” he muttered. “Got yelled at twice. One of the juniors filed the evidence ledger wrong and now the entire chain of custody’s fucked. And the kicker? The cursed medallion’s gone missing.”

That made you gasp. “Vanished?”

“It was lifted, for sure. No one will say it. But everyone knows it.”

Another pause. He could hear the way your breathing shifted, more awake now, more alert.

“You think it’s internal?”

“I don’t know what I think. I just know I’m one more late night away from hexing a filing cabinet.”

You chuckled again. “At least tell me you’re drinking something decent.”

Sebastian huffed. "How'd you know I was at a pub?" He paused. "Actually, forget it. Of course you knew. Point is, Garreth ordered for the table and picked some godawful lager that tastes like mop water.”

“Poor thing.”

“Pity me harder.”

“I’m too tired to conjure sympathy.”

“Liar.”

You laughed, and the sound settled into his bones, loosening something he didn’t know had been clenched.

“So," you continued casually. "You out with the usual suspects?"

Sebastian looked through the fogged glass of the door. "Yeah, yeah. Ominis, Garreth, and Leander. Then some blokes that were a year behind us in school. Tom Greaves, James Hendricks, and Evan Kline."

You hummed softly in thought, the sound crackling through the receiver. “I remember them. Tom was the one with the nosebleeds, right?”

Sebastian laughed, short and surprised. “Still gets them every time it’s cold. You’d think someone would have taught him a charm by now.”

There was another pause and before he quite realized what he was doing, he kept going. “They were, uh… talking about you, actually. Earlier. All three of them. Asking if you were still single. Going on about how you used to turn every guy down in school. Calling you fit.”

He winced the second it was out of his mouth.

Too late.

A low laugh bloomed on your end. “Merlin’s sake. If they saw me now, they’d shut up fast. I’m covered in dirt half the time and smell like a troll’s armpit the other half. Trust me, the fantasy dies fast when your hair’s matted and you’ve got hex scarring down your left leg.” Then you added, “And anyway… I swore off relationships years ago. You know that, Bas.”

He did. And yet he hadn’t known how much he’d needed to hear you say it again. Relief curled through his chest, immediate and stupid and unfair.

You were quiet for a second, then asked, voice softer, “Any other updates on your end?”

His mind stuttered. He glanced at his cigarette butt on the pavement. Could still taste Samantha’s lipstick still clinging to his mouth.

“Nothing else worth reporting,” he lied.

You yawned on the other end, soft and slow. He could hear the shift of fabric, the creak of whatever cot you were curled up on.

“I should let you sleep,” Sebastian said, quieter now.

“I don’t mind,” you murmured. “Been a while since I heard your voice.”

His throat tightened.

“Yeah,” he said. “Same.”

There was a pause, long enough to stretch.

“I miss you,” you said finally. It wasn’t wistful or dramatic, just matter-of-fact, like it had been sitting on your tongue for weeks.

Sebastian swallowed hard. “I miss you too.”

You hummed again, tired and fond. “Talk soon?”

“Always.”

The call ended with a soft click.

Sebastian stared at the black screen for a long moment after it went dark. Then he tucked the phone into his pocket and scrubbed a hand over his face.

Why didn’t I tell her about Samantha? Why did it feel like I couldn’t?

The questions came fast and sharp. His hands were cold now, his jaw still tight. The warmth of your voice was gone, and all that was left was the weight of realization.

It goes both ways.

All while he kept his lips sealed about Samantha, you could have been doing the same damn thing. Sure, you said you’d sworn off relationships, but that didn’t mean you weren’t seeing anyone. It didn’t mean you weren’t shagging someone. Didn’t mean there wasn’t someone else hearing your groggy laughter, or seeing you curled under a blanket after a long day of ruins and dust, brushing a hand through your tangled hair and kissing your temple while you muttered something sarcastic just before bed.

The thought lodged hard Sebastian’s chest, bitter and breathless. He didn’t even know what it was, exactly. Jealousy? Shame? Some cursed cocktail of both?

He swallowed it down.

It didn’t matter. You were allowed to do whatever you wanted. You had been for years.

And then, like he was 17 again, reckless and aching and too cowardly to do anything real about his feelings, Sebastian turned on his heel and headed back into the bar.

He knew where this ended. Knew what it would cost. But still, when Samantha looked up and smiled at him from the booth, her fingers curled around a fresh drink, he walked toward her anyway.

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[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

I just thought about the demigod Stan Au (can't stop thinking about it really).

What about the younger twins? Shermie could have been Stan and Ford's mortal sibling and then, his great children happen to also be Athena's kids (Dippers cunning and smarts and Mabels creativity - I mean she can KNIT) So Shermie sends them to the camp where their grunkles/ siblings teach them all about demigodhood. And the older twins will have learned from the past.

It'd be interesting if Mabel was the first one claimed, since her crafting skills are unmatched, leaving Dipper behind and also opening the door for Stan and Dipper bonding.

Also this would maybe take place near the timeline for the Original PJO series, so maybe Mabel's weekly summer crush at some point could be Percy. (Cue the friendly beef with Annabeth)

Also, some headcanons about other characters divine parents:

Soos - Could be Zeus for the lols of the pronunciation and the child abandonment situation but I think Soos could be a son of Hermes.

Wendy - Demeter (joins the Hunters of Artemis)

Pacifica - Daughter of Aphrodite

Robbie - Just because it'd be very funny I would put him as son of Iris.

Gideon - Son of Eris (goddes of Discord anyone?)

Sorry for the rant haha, couldn't keep it to myself.

Glad my brain worms can find new homes. Please take good care of them.

I'm thinking Shermie is their older mortal brother, but hmmm. Not sure about Athena as their mom, just because while it does fit, it'd be fun if they had a different godly parent. Although them being the twins older brothers and also great uncles fits in with the Greek families lol. Plus Athena does really fit all four of them. (Hecate would be my second pick, as the goddess of ghosts and magic, although Aries is also fun)

I'd hope by the time the twins rolled up Athena would have learned her lesson about twin favoritism, but if not then i could see her picking both twins over each other, Mabel for her skill in crafts and Dipper for his bookish and intellectual pursuits.

Hmm. First Percy Jackson book takes place in 2009, he's 12, gf takes place in 2012 where she's twelve, three years difference then? Yeah Percy would 100% be a crush of hers. Side note, the Great Prophecy is 40sih years old when the stan twins roll up, there could be older kids of the big three around if they survived. Can't remember if they killed all of their kids or just the younger ones.

Hmmm. Soos. I'm thinking Hephaestus for his crafting, but really for his story a goddess as a parent would suit him, as then his dad could still be a dead beat that sent him post cards. I'm thinking Harmonia, the goddess of harmony and concord, to go with his easy going nature and perfect manness.

Wendy would def join the hunters of Artemis, but I don't think Demeter fits as her mother, as she's not a agriculturally inclined. Maybe Nike? Goddess of victory, speed, and strength. Its how she gets around so quickly.

Pacifica would be an excellent daughter of Aphrodite, no argument there.

Robbie would be really funny as a son of Iris, and Nemesis would also be really fun. Son of the god of revenge and thats why he's beefing with a child.

Gideon would be a good son of Eris, but hmm. hmm. too good. Pheme is the goddess of rumors would also work, but him being a son of Aphrodite that was evil would be a fun twist of him using his charms to hide his wicked ways.

And no worries! I love brain storming and thinking! Here's more!

Fiddleford - Hephaestus hands down, easy

Tammy - for sure Iris, she's always on her phone texting her mom

Emma-May - I'm thinking Demeter (cultivating life instead of plants lol)

Dan - Aries, wooed a goddess as a demigod himself

Gompers - Stan's brain child he had with Bill Athena style

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I love your structured rewrite of Playful Land!! I agree that it’s hard to do a rewrite, but I think this one was great!

There’s something I thought about when I was thinking about my own rewrite: the SSR trio having to fight the others when they’re puppetized because while they’re not 100% puppetized yet they also aren’t in control of their actions, so they’re forced to fight each other. Like, imagine Ace being forced to fight Trey and Cater.

Now I get that references to the main story are questionable to include since timeline placement is purposely left vague in these things, since in a sense they’re not meant to be a part of the main story.

But imagine Ace fighting the Leech twins and it becomes sort of a callback to Book 3. Or Ortho fighting Leona and Vil and it becomes a callback to Book 6.

And imagine Kalim? Lk having Book 4 flashbacks throughout this part of the story? Because he was essentially Jamil’s puppet during that time? Made stronger if he’s the one forced to fight the Leech twins, the ones that helped him during that time?

Probably doesn’t make sense. But it is fun to think about

[ Referencing this rewrite! ]

adiubqboyqv Thank you!! As I mentioned in the original post, I still don't think the version I shared is perfect but I'm glad I was able to at least still put something out as a thought exercise.

In the canon, I don't believe Fellow has control of the puppets until they've fully turned but this could be played around with in a rewrite scenario. Play fast and loose with the rules as you like!

In my rewrites, I prioritize making changes that make sense (to me) and/or enhance the story or its themes, characters, etc. in some way. Having Kalim, Ace, and Ortho fight puppet'd NRC students falls into the "fun, but not necessary" category, so I didn't include that. Not saying that this couldn't be done, I just don't think it fits with my particular rewrite. I'm sure it'd be fine to include in other rewrites! This definitely is the kind of scummy move Fellow would pull to make the SSR trio rethink their actions. At the same time, it could "damage the merchandise" (which the boss could get mad at Fellow for). I can see there being a funny moment where the SSR trio just powers through and fights their peers anyway, believing "It's X-senpai!! They can take the hit from me!!" It might be more of a dilemma if Fellow used Yuu, who would disintegrate like a tissue in water, as a meat shield, but I don’t know how that would contribute to advancing the plot.

Something else I personally like to consider in my rewrites is "staying true to the Twst style". Because event stories largely don't make reference to the main story (the few references they do make are pretty vague), I wanted to follow that as well. This is also why I keep Yuu present but don’t give them super huge roles—so that this follows the pattern established in most other events. Yuu’s there to be an observer, and the player can use that as a jumping-off point to expand on using their own Yuusonas.

I think that flashbacks and explicit callbacks to the main story might distract too much from this being about Fellow. In my mind, the SSR trio should complement the Halloween character's plight, not claim the spotlight for themselves. For example, in the hypothetical where Kalim has to fight his peers, he might be able to come to the conclusion that he was Jamil's puppet, similar to how his classmates have become puppets right now. But... what does this do for Fellow's story??? I can see how this might help Kalim better understand that what Jamil did to him was reprehensible, but this then makes the event about Kalim's growth rather than about how he can relate to the antagonist, Fellow. (This may also create an issue where significant character development is locked behind a limited and easily missable event.) Maybe Kalim could try to relate to Fellow in that they're both controlled by another person at some point, but I think the connection isn't the strongest considering that their situations are otherwise entirely different. The writing has to go through extra hoops to establish how Kalim's realization is connected to Fellow's situation, and that's not as clear-cut and easy to convey as "Idia also has a dead brother he's grieving" from GloMasq or even "Sebek also has someone he idolizes" from Nightmare.

My other worry with including the battles is that the SSR trio would have already fought through countless NPC puppet mobs by the time they reach Fellow. It might unnecessarily drag the event out and bog it down with even more battles, which I can't imagine being fun to sit through. This is true both of the actual battles (gameplay) and reading (since visual novel assets are limited).

adkhvkayudvqwo Sorry for the ramble, I just thought this would be a good opportunity to talk about my process for rewrites and how I determine what I do and don't include. Again, fun idea and it’s always interesting hearing the different ways others go about their own writing. I hope you have a good time with your own iteration of Playful Land.

[elamarth-calmagol]

I guess everyone knows I'm into Murderbot now. I decided that if other people could flood my feed dash with random shows, I could, too. I came late to this party. I had Murderbot on my list, but I didn't try to get it until after the show came out, and by then, everything was checked out with a line except the audio book. I can't remember ever listening to an audiobook before, but I had a long drive down to my friends who are both Murderbot and audiobook fans, so I figured All Systems Red would keep me awake for most of the drive, and by then I'd be ready for music or something. I ended up downloading the next book at a rest stop. Then, having listened to two books in one day, I watched the first episode with my friends, which is officially the fastest I've ever jumped into a fandom. I listened to the next two on the way back, and then watched the rest of the show at home. I was going to chill out after that, but I literally found myself unable to chill because the air conditioning broke. So I lay in my bed listening to Fugitive Telemetry and not moving, because what else do you do when you have no AC in Florida in the summer? And yet, I still can't read fanfic because it's all about Network Effect.

Anyway, I decided to share my character opinions comparing the books and show.

The ones I like

Murderbot: I've decided to save my opinion on why it's not so bad for SecUnit to be played by a white man for another post, since it turned into too much of an essay. My mental image of it was poisoned because I saw pictures of the Alexander Skarsgard as SecUnit and also listened to a recording where it was played by a man, so I never thought of it as androgynous. (All the books but Artificial Condition were the full cast version. I'm not sure why, given that my friend got the originals from the same library. Apparently, the full cast version left out some lines?? Which is completely unacceptable! But both versions have a male narrator.) And I think Skarsgard was fantastic. I love his subtle expressions, especially the horror at being asked to socialize. If I take the book literally, SecUnit's face should be highly emotional, but I always saw it as totally blank unless I was told otherwise, which is basically Skarsgard's face. I was disappointed that the wide-eyed horrorified face only happened early in the season, so hopefully, they find somewhere to fit it in next season.

Gurathin: I imagined Gurathin as shorter and heavier and maybe Eastern European? But even if my mental image was more solid, I never would have come up with his show actor because he's so unusual and distinctive. Which is a good thing. I do find the perpetual bags under his eyes kind of distracting, though. I think the show mostly did a good job with Gurathin, though I think it must be spoiling something from a later book with his backstory. I don't like that he was already suspicious of SecUnit from episode one because it made the reveal about the governor module less effective. (Also, why did everyone let him get away with saying SecUnit should be executed for malfunctioning?) But anyway, what I really dislike is the focus on his relationship with SecUnit at the expense of Mensah. You can see this in the fandom's reaction of immediately shipping them: their interactions were the strongest in the show. If they could have had both characters be equally important, I would have been happy.

Mensah: I love show Mensah. She immediately wiped out my previous idea of her in my mind (who looked more like Bahardwaj, I think). When I finished Exit Strategy after watching the show, I couldn't handle the high and youthful voice of the voice actor, because That's Not Mensah. I liked the subplot about her panic attacks as well, though I didn't really like the one on the hill because she was being stupid, and I prefer the book version of that scene anyway. I am really disappointed by the lack of relationship between her and SecUnit through the first nine episodes. I guess the writers thought you need conflict-ridden relationships to make an interesting show, and its feelings about Mensah are too positive to be interesting. I am so relieved that she was the last human they showed in episode 10, though.

Pin Lee: I had trouble tracking all the characters in the book, probably due to the audio format, so I didn't really pick up on who Pin Lee was until the end. I saw her as a skinny, neatly dressed office worker type, so I was thrown for a loop when I saw them in the show. They come across as way too rude and aggressive for lawyering, though later books imply that everyone is scared of her, so I guess it's not completely out of left field. I was hoping for their true lawyer form to be revealed in episode 10. Really, that should have been their moment for heroics, but Gurathin took center stage yet again. Sigh.

It took me ages to realize that they were nonbinary in the show, but while I'm not sure if it was planned or they just chose a nonbinary actor and decided to run with it, I thought that was a really good idea. In the first four books, we only get one nonbinary character, and te is apparently an established gender from ter homeworld. I think there's also someone going by they/them in Fugitive Telemetry, but I'm not sure. So while there is a sense that gender has evolved, we don't see much in the way of flexibility in gender identity. The only options seem to be male human, female human, and bot, plus any cultural genders your planet uses. Pin Lee being nonbinary shows that people can define themselves, and it's not considered weird or confusing. That also means that SecUnit (once it's free) could declare itself to have a gender if it wanted to, and if it's still Bot Standard Agender, that's its own choice.

The ones I don't like

Ratthi: I mostly noticed Ratthi in All Systems Red because I kept trying to figure out how his name was spelled. (Rati? Radi? Roti would be funny.) I literally learned the answer to my question from the show subtitles. He shows up more in later books, and yeah, I see why SecUnit considers him to be a friend. I did NOT like him in the show. He's such a himbo, it's embarrassing. For most of the show, I don't even see how he's useful to the team or why Dr. Arada even likes him. Thank god he finally has a good part in episode 10.

Bahardwaj: Bahardwaj was the first person whose name I knew because she was critical to the first scene. (I wish the show had also started there, in the middle of action.) I imagined her as basically a female version of show!Ratthi: a lot younger, thinner, and more South Asian. But aside from appearance, she feels frenetic and just wrong in her acting. I liked seeing her doing surgery, that was cool. But most of the time, when she was on screen, I wished she wasn't.

The ones I have no opinion on:

Arada: I don't know whether I even knew Dr. Arada existed. I know that when I counted up the characters, I came up one short on the women's side, so someone disappeared in my mind. So obviously, I had no opinion on how she should be acted, and I have no objection to her.

Overse: Again, one of the women vanished from my mind, and it could have been Overse. Given that I couldn't keep track of all eight people, I think it's okay to drop a couple of characters, even if I disapprove in principle.

The other one:

Volescu: It feels kind of wrong to switch out the person SecUnit originally drops its helmet for, but I realize that they were trying to make the show simpler, and Arada is important later whereas I guess Volescu isn't.

LeeBeeBee: I have never been so happy to see someone's head explode. I still don't think she was necessary, but there were some interesting moments from her, so (as SecUnit says) whatever.

[jedisupernova]

why i write plus sized fem reader

contains discussion of body image, weight, fatphobia, insecurity, relationship with food, and the nuances of being a plus sized woman of color. this is a very long post.

this post has been a long time coming. if you've been here since the beginning of my blog, or joined this community from the recent compress, repress or must be love, chances are you've noticed the "unabashedly plus sized reader as i am myself but anyone can read" in the 'notes' of what a particular fic contains. its always one of the first things listed, and for good reason. because i want to make it known.

i've been writing for a majority of my life; whether it be getting high marks on school essays, or being introduced to the world of fanfiction through one direction. i've also been plus sized my entire life. my weight has never fluctuated; i've never been slimmer and my body changed as i grew up—i've looked as i am my entire life, the only thing that's changed is my height. and of course, how i feel about myself. like for many young girls, middle school was probably the worst fucking time, like, ever. not only was i just an awkie 12/13 year old who did horribly in math class and got an iphone way too young, i also felt very out of place because of my body. i wore hoodies on hot days, showing my arms felt foreign, and shorts were never, and i mean never an option. it was always leggings, or full length jeans, no matter if we were in heatwave in the tail-end of summer. regular clothes also felt ill-fitting, like fabric or tarp was just thrown on me. i just remember feeling very awkward (more-so thinking back on it now, though i need to learn to give my younger self grace, because she could do so much) and not like a girl or allowed to feel like one, which stems into other things as well.

for many preteens, middle school is also the age where you start having crushes on people. it wasn't the best experience for me, to say the least, and it stemmed into high school. i had HUUUUGE crushes on these two guys in middle and high school, respectively. i also didn't know how to act and told everyone who was willing to hear 🙃 talk about being young and clueless lmao

i remember feeling very ostracized for having a crush, but couldn't really articulate why. shit just felt off, y'know? but i was a teenager, and there's only so much your head can wrap around at that age. you have the feelings, but not necessarily the words. i didn't realize this until much later in my life (in my early 20s; post-college), but when i had crushes in school, it was treated as if the boy caught a disease. the disease being me. it was met with an air of really? her? and even i'm sorry, man. when i was fifteen, rumors were spread around about me regarding the guy i had a crush on, saying i was obsessed with him; wanted to marry him; and all of these awful, untrue things. all i did was have a crush, like any other girl, yet i was met with vitriol. with my adult eyes, i now realize it was because of a few things: i am overweight, i am a woman of color, and i am not societally-deemed conventionally attractive. that's literally what it was. we have never been taken seriously. fifteen year old me experienced that first hand. i've experienced that my entire life. i also try to find some humor in it, since the one who initially concocted and spread those rumors was my then-crush's closest friend. maybe he didn't like how he felt about me and decided to deflect. who knows?

but that shit stays with you. it is a very disheartening feeling. i turn 25 this fall. i have never been on a date, have feelings reciprocated, held hands, had my first kiss, etc. when i say i've done nothing, i mean nothing. no exaggeration whatsoever. but i feel very deeply (maybe thats why i'm a writer hehe 😅), and i want that for me. i want to fall in love. i want to be loved. though it isn't easy for me to give and receive affection (growing up an immigrant household canon event frfr), i long for the day where i can write the sappiest, most lovey-dovey birthday card for the one who holds my heart in his hands. i wonder when the day will come where i know for sure that nothing's wrong with me, though i already know there isn't. perhaps you could already tell, with how i write about my love in my fics.

its a very complex feeling. its more intense some days versus others, though its developed a coping/defense mechanism that i've harnessed since becoming an adult: that love will never find me. let me explain: lets say i'm on my commute home and someone catches my eye. two thoughts happen concurrently in my head: 1. he's attractive and 2. he would never like me. its almost instinct. i pay no mind to it so it doesnt have the power to hurt me; to protect myself from what i consider the "worst" outcome. it isn't a good mindset to have, i know. but one thing about me is that i'll be honest about how i feel, and old habits are notoriously hard to break.

i know and believe that i am lovable. i know and believe that i am beautiful. but sometimes, its just fucking hard. there are days where i just feel unlovable, like today, as i'm writing this post. then there are days where i wake up, look at myself in the bathroom mirror, and think period—you are her. my relationship with my body has improved a lot since i was in middle school. i find beauty in her, i thank her for keeping me alive, and its fun and very validating to be your own reference when writing. wearing shorts was never an option for me in high school, but now, it is a no-brainer. fun fact, i wore my denim shorts so much last summer that the fabric has thinned out, and i had to get a new pair. fifteen year old me would've been shocked 😭 lmao

i heard everything negative there was to say about my body before i hit double digits in age. i was made to think about what food i was putting on my plate when i was eight years old instead of, you know, thinking about when suite life on deck was coming on, where my colored pencils were so i could fill a page in my coloring book, or play nintendogs. if anyone had shit to say about my body now, i shut that shit down fast. though a couple of years ago, it slipped through the cracks: i was out at dinner, sat with a family member. we were talking about life and somehow ended up on relationships. she told me about her twenties, and how its molded her view on love in her thirties. i said i appreciated her perspective, though i didnt have anything fruitful to contribute to the conversation, since i've never been in a relationship before. her expression became pitiful before she leaned over to me, in earnest, and said "i really think if you lost some weight, you'd find a boyfriend." i cried a lot on the way home.

first of all: if a man likes me because of my body, he's not the fucking one for me. a person with that mindset is not the one for you, the one reading this, either. i don't have time to waste on such a sad, shallow way of thinking. i don't have the time to disrespect myself, and you shouldn't either, dear reader.

which brings me to my next point: why i write the way i do. i first made this blog in september 2024, but didn't post my first fic until january 2025. i originally made this blog with the intention of writing for star wars (which i will one day! you wont believe how many ideas are sitting in my drafts 🫠), added lord of the rings to the list after watching the trilogy, and then k-idols and certain characters (though i've been listening to kpop for more or less a decade now) after squid game season two. when i started writing, i always knew i wanted the reader to be plus sized, or at least hinted at it. when writing 'life with choi subong' (the first fic i posted), looking back at it, i unfortunately fluffed up the language out of the fear that no one would read it if it was more forward/explicitly stated the fact. thankfully i've gotten the fuck over it and have been letting it RIPPPPP since then. like thank the fucking universe dawg holy shit

in fanfiction (specifically x reader), i find there is only one body type that is included/written about. take a wild guess as to which it is. regarding which race is typically inferred is an entirely different conversation, though the point i'm trying to make is that only one archetype is portrayed as desirable, sexy, alluring, worthy of conversation or existence in your daydreams—however you want to word it. it is very apparent in the language writers use ("small/dainty hands" and "tiny skirt" are always at the scene of the crime; not that plus sized people cant wear short skirts or any sort of revealing clothing, but we have to be fr when we ask who the author was imagining whilst they wrote)

whenever there IS fanfiction for a plus sized reader (if there is any to begin with), i swear to you, it always and i mean always follows one of two paths: 1. you're insecure, he helps you not be or 2. you've loved him your whole life and turns out he loves you, but the confession doesn't come until after he's been on a date with someone conventionally attractive. i don't know about you but I AM TIRED!!!!!!!! I REBUKE THIS!!!!!!!! DO AWAY WITH IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!! THIS SHIT IS SO FCKN TIRED!!!!!!!!!! jesus fucking CHRIST bro

this is not at all to say body image issues aren't valid. as i've discussed in this post thus far, i know what that feels like first hand. however, i would argue that it shouldn't be the entire or only possible story. a bigger woman can get caught up in some mess, like how she does in compress, repress or i take, you give. she can stand up for herself, like how she does in life with choi subong or reuniting with seong gihun, celebrate and explore her sexuality without transactional expectations or any sort of fetishized undertones like in compress, repress, i take, you give, old school love with choi seunghyun— or if we're being for real, all of my fics. she can experience a rolodex of emotion and come to learn more about herself in a way that does not come back to her body. in fact, i think the least interesting thing about her should be her body, because i just want plus sized women to be able to exist. thats it. we have thoughts, interests, hobbies, flaws, and complex personalities like everyone else. i want to show that in the characters i write to not only have the representation of writing someone who looks like me, but is also taken seriously. because we can and will be.

i include the "but anyone can read" in the 'notes' because, well, if so much of typical fanfiction rhetoric plays into primarily validating thinness and expects me to read nonetheless, then i can expect someone to read a fic where the reader is written to be plus sized even if the person actually reading isn't.

if you are a follower of mine, and also plus sized, please know that i see you. i know how it feels. i understand how frustrating it can be, my love. please please know that there is nothing wrong with you. in a world riddled with fuckass ozempic, eating disorders disguised as "disciplined eating," the "big back" joke that was never funny to begin with, the resurgence of early 2000s diet culture, etc., please know that i will never stop writing about you. i will never stop writing about myself. you will always find the words 'rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, double chins' etc in my work. so much of media revolves around thinness, but on this blog, it does not. on here, your only possible story isn't tied to your body.

i also want to say i am not invincible. my body is not what is considered desirable for plus sized women. i do not have a cinched waist nor do i have a big chest. i have an ass, but my stomach rivals it. it pisses me off that even when there is a plus-sized woman in media, there are restrictions in what is okay. like, why can't her stomach hang out over the hem of her jeans? or maybe the cellulite under her arms isn't hidden away like its vermin? i know its easier said than done, but i'm just so sick and tired of this bullshit.

i have both good days and bad. i am human, just like you. i haven't really been allowed to feel feminine throughout my life simply because i exist in a bigger body. it is something i work to mend my relationship with today. i don't want to feel like i'm cosplaying beauty when i put makeup on, or paint my nails, but i already am beautiful. i love being a woman, even if the world tries to tell me i'm not being a woman in the "right" way. fuck the noise. my existence is mere proof of the divine feminine.

writing is also a way for me to deconstruct some of the mindsets i need to do away with. i love writing about love, even if the yearning can reduce me to tears. i love writing about sex, even if i grow frustrated over never being desired before. i love writing about what is typically considered as the mundane day-to-day, because that is where our humanity lives and thrives. it is how we get to know each other. it is how we remember one another.

it is the joy of my life whenever i receive asks saying you feel seen in my work. i could spend an eternity writing my gratitude, and it still wouldn't be enough time. i will continue to show you that you are loved, and remind you that i am by your side.

i cried multiple times writing this post. thank you for reading and listening. i love you dearly.

you’re one and only,

honey 🌼

[poliwhirl-sys]

(multiple authors)

💧OMG SO i literally just made a post about this!!! i would point at characters like ENA and Razzle&Dazzle (pictures under cut) and go aw they are literally me! but im like the sad side. i dont know who i thought the "other side" was.

also all our internal monologues (dialogues?) when moving the body places had "we". so if i was thinking about MY opinions and preferences, it would be "i think this and that", but if the body was moving, it was "we need to go to the store/class/etc"

♥️ I think one of the main signs that somebody could have noticed would have been the dramatic shifts in personality. Every day we would have some new "identity" or "aesthetic". We couldn't buy clothes frequently enough to fit our tastes. We also had a ridiculous number of hobbies and interests (way too many for a normal person to manage) that we really couldn't invest enough time in.

Plus the gender-fluidity. It wasn't a sort of peaceful "sometimes I am a guy/girl/neither/both". It was like every time we experienced a "new" gender, everything we had believed before was wrong and no longer applied to us. Then the gender would change again. This was probably each of us headmates fronting and feeling dysphoria with whatever the last fronter had done to our body.

🏠 The constant dissociation might have been a clue. I feel like it was ridiculously obvious in hindsight. How did nobody ever notice us spacing out?

question 138: do you think, looking back, there ever "signs" of your plurality, or of specific system members? did you notice them at the time, or can you only tell now, with hindsight?

[hurlyburlytopsyturvy]

when you get engulfed by a space-time anomaly and it forces you into therapy for the greater good

[chewyhanniebug]

touchy guitarz 💔

[aceinthefreakinspace]

*hands you some aspec nygmobs memes because I haven't been able to get this out of my head all week*

Part Two | Three | Four

[ryuusei-boi]

raaah i hate panning shots that fade to white at the end raah i'm gonna have to color correct this and somehow make it look good raaahhh

[crowfanity]

Just realized I never posted my Defiant Dragons/Ace Attorney pride phone case

[cosmicgamer]

It's insane to me how Willow went from unknowingly dragging someone in her enraged state and then stopping the moment she realized, to forcefully dragging someone else without any remorse

[fifteensjukebox]

tagged by @elizabeth-mitchells to pick a song for each letter of my url! (avocado kid voice) theeeennks ♡♡♡

f - fucking depressed - bad daughter

i - i bet it stung - tegan and sara

f - front row - metric

t - the power's out - st vincent

e - echo home - the kills

e - every time the sun comes up - sharon van etten

n - night train - the kills

s - street fighter - pom pom squad

j - just a lover - hayley williams

u - underline the black - metric

k - kismet - the beaches

e - ending start - metric

b - black balloon - the kills

o - open up - the dead weather

x - xanny - billie eilish

no-pressure tagging: @twelverriver @cowboyhatesithere @yorktaylor @bethanyactually @nonbinaryelphaba @purplecladmerchant @clawsandeffect @ncttcday @dykeselfcest @namorian + seriously anyone else who wants to share pls say i tagged you <3