#could be weeks or months who knows?
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Evan “Touch-starved but can’t fathom possibly being loved after the events of senior year” Hansen and Jared “Has been in love with Evan for years but never said anything about it in fear of rejection and keeping his cool-guy facade up” Klienman
Also yes, that is Jared’s Undertale shirt that Evan is borrowing; it’s my favorite inside joke of characters being in college while owning fictional college swag
Temmie’s stupid theme song kept playing in my head while I drew this… here it is so you can get this ear worm
#kliensen#i love kliensen <<33#m’s art#evan x jared#movie evan hansen#movie jared klienman#I’m writing a fic where they’re in college so yeah 👍👍#this looks very good for my first ever (proper) drawing of them#I hope you appreciate Evan’s itty-bitty freckles <3 :D#Spotify#look at the shine in Evan’s eyes!!#it’s him being like ‘wow.. so THIS is what love feels like?’#yeah yeah I know he felt it with Zoe but you get my point#I’m not trying to diminish what he had with Zoe bc they had SOMETHING for however long#the time between Only Us and Words Fail is in in-universe time#could be weeks or months who knows?#but what Evan would /hypothetically/ have with Jared wouldn’t be tied to a lie#I don’t mean for that to sound passive aggressive#I mean it literally… Evan loved Zoe but Zoe’s feelings towards him were in response to#what he did for her family and how he helped so many people#but he helped those people (which is good!) with a snowballing lie (which is not good)#dear evan hansen art
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A Catfish??
All of the bat children are horrified when they found out the boy Damian has been talking online, someone they were expecting to be a 5’3 twig. Someone who Damian has been crushing on for years turned out to be a 6’3 muscle-bound fucker that makes Jason look small.
They are even more horrified when they realized they never gave Damian the internet talk and for some reason Bruce is not reacting like this is something of concern and what the fuck-?!
The reason Bruce is not freaking out like the rest of his kids is quite simple.
He can see the last of the baby fat clinging to Danny’s face, he notices how even though Danny is a walking tank of a being, he still glances at the doorways like they could not be trusted.
Like he wasn’t used to his height.
No Bruce is not concerned, because all signs and research just points to one fact.
Danny Fenton has came into a Fenton-sized growth spurt.
#now Bruce could clear up the confusion#but the kids did take the Batmobile out on a joyride a week ago#so this can just be a test on their reasoning under familial circumstances#like Bruce did not go out of his way to vet his youngest son’s first crush#dp x dc#writing prompt#danny fenton#danny phantom#dc x dp#jason todd#batman#shipping#dick grayson#tim drake#duke thomas#Cass knows of course#she’s not going to tell#same with babs#Danny a couple months before his visit: Doors suddenly hate me Dami :n;#Damian short king Wayne who likes to be picked up even if he never admits to it#damian: tragic.#the kids saw one photo of Dan and Danny and connected some dots that were never there#dead serious#writting prompt
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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Germany's page 4 from the Hetalia Collezione
[Pls remember I am no pro in Jpns, and pls don't get mad at me for smth Hima wrote, not me 😫🙏]
#hetalia#aph hetalia#hetalia collezione#hetalia germany#aph germany#hws germany#ludwig beilschmidt#I wanna know more about that hre big brother championship#how on earth they're getting pictures from before 1822 is still a mystery#did germany rly call him big brother or is prussia just lying? lol#considering him asking germany like 300 times to call him big brother lol#when will i do another page? could be next week. could be next month. could be next year. who knows. stay tuned.#on a roll so far tho
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so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and
#disventure camp#disventure camp fanart#tristan vik#disventure camp tristan#ghostofsnails#my art#It would be SO tedious to post all of these separately but to be honest ive been dead for so long that i think its just funnier like this#like. yeah. just in case you guys have been wondering what i've been up to.#I have like 2 more i think but i'll give them their own post so i can explain them#ive never hyperfixated on a character like this in my entire life. usually a character hyperfix is super intense and lasts like 2ish weeks.#GUYS ITS BEEN 2+ MONTHS. AND I STILL CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR CARTOON GOTH NONBINARY SILLY PERSON#actually fuck you can i write an essay in tags about why i love them. this is tumblr. and whose even gonna read this anyways. fukit we ball#i followed dc kinda casually as a guilty pleasure for a while but i was instantly drawn to tristan when the designs for the s4 cast dropped#i was like You're telling me there's a GOTH who is UPBEAT and isnt designed like a flawless elf TWINK and is NONBINARY? ME FR????#LIKE OHH THE GOTH NB GETS TO LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD. THEY GET TO BE UNCONVENTIONAL. my aesthetic attraction to them goes crazy. vampire style.#i remember when they got revealed people redesigned them to look more generically pretty & it PAINED ME bc it missed the point SO. BADLY.#ik some people find them boring also & even tho i disagree i can see it if u dont rlly care abt alt stuff. but for me the fact theyre so#kind & upbeat & extroverted WHILE being a SUBCULTURAL GOTH is the draw bc while i do get a kick out of the exaggerated depressed goth#stereotype - its not exactly true to life and so seeing a character that looks and acts like me and real goths makes feel so seen and happy#they also capture my desire to have goth friends SO BADLY im projecting on them SO HARD. They are such top tier friend material you guys...#AND THEYRE A FASHION DESIGNER WHICH FEELS SO IN THEME WITH BEING GOTH THAT IT MAKES ME SO JOYOUS AND CRAZY.#its all so funny because im 100x more excited about getting good goth rep than nonbinary rep LMFAOOO but them being nb is SO important too#Not to mention their voice actor is FANTASTIC and elevates them SOOO MUCH. Also the amount the va is obsessed with them fed my obsession -#sooo insanely you guys.... i feed off of other peoples emotional attachments. AND THEIR ACTING FOR TRIS ADDS SO MUCH DEPTH TO THEIR#CHARACTER IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. I COULD LITERALLY WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT TRISTAN YOU GUYS. IM NOT INSANE.#god you guys this is the first time ive ever had a genuine “i feel seen” feeling from a fictional character I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW.#i LOVE NONBINARY PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. I LOVE HOW QUEERNESS AND GOTH CULTURE INTERSECTS AND HOW THATS REPRESENTED IN TRISTAN#THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND I KNOW THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. WHICH JUST MAKES THEM MEAN EVEN MORE TO ME. I LOVE LIFE.#its an endless feedback loop i fear. im trapped in it & loving every second. i will be drawing them until i am in my grave & maybe after.
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me with my 18 year old students that i teach at a college
#everyone is just so mean to them because they're adults now but most of them were literally in high school only a few months ago#and so many of them are far from home and on their own for the first time !!!#and the other professors are so mean like they literally ranted to me about how another professor cursed them out#like !!! bruh!!!! also i think it messes with my head that im teaching foundational class and if i fuck this up#that could fuck up their college career because this class is about how to write essays in college#like holy shit responsibility#but fr i love my students they're so fucking funny and they all call out in class and they straight up are the class full of#'problem children' on academic probation who had to check in with a guidance counselor once a week and i have to monitor and write reports#about once a week as well.#and like idk man im feeling very captain o my captain here if you get my meaning#anyways they're all so funny like they do not care and will say fuck to me and i say fuck back#it's great.#anyways. i'm stoned. they know im a stoner too lol.#originally said 17-20 y/o students but tbh they're all 18 except for the one 17 and the one 20
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A momentary apology to everyone who followed me thinking I was a cute magical girl and occasional Alice in Wonderland blog.
#stella talks#.you have to understand........#.garashir hits every shipping button I've got and then some#.it's like it was tailor made for my tastes in ways i didn't know were possible.#.i went almost a week without sleeping when i started ds9 because it hit me so hard.#.garashir was so compelling to me it shook me into a manic episode for over a MONTH.#.i am literally only just starting to come down from that.#.it did something to my brain chemistry okay.#.also some chance this is related to one of my closest friends dying and fixating so hard on a ship is a coping thing.#.idk might be unrelated though who could say!!! >_>;;;;;#.the manic episode started before she died though so.#.i think it is being drawn out because i can't handle my feelings on magical girl stuff right now because it make me think of her.#.so ds9 is a nice safe outlet for me while i try to come to terms with everything.#... she'd have loved my starfleet magical girl au tho. pain. ):
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 💔#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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This christmas continues draining all joy out of me leaving me feeling lazy, uninspired, dysphoric, envious and self-loathing all at once.
I just want to not be bored and tired and hate my guts.
Please, just for one minute.
#I am so tempted just to go to bed now so to end this miserable day#not talking about how much I've already slept for half a week#I feel like all I do rn is eat being moody and sleep#I feel bored yet unmotivated#putting on a brave smile for my mom so she doesn't see#and hating myself for that and for other reasons#I don't like who I see in the mirror rn#I wish I could just get the appointment with the gc doctor already so we can up my testosterone again#I don't like who I am articially either#I don't seem to draw anything great#or that anybody cares enough about what I do as well#looking through the amount of art I've made during the different months is embarrasing#close to nothing of substance since september#together with us now having reached the point I see mistakes in all art I've made as well#pathetic#sorry for the rant in the comments#I really dont know what to do about this mood#do I want a distraction or do I want some purpose back in my every day life?#please no existential crisis before the new year#micahs thoughts
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Ok wait im actually spiraling over the implications that red dwarf and trek exist in the same universe. I might have to write a fic about it. I wanna see garak be a cunt to cat so so bad. Hed be so condescending and cat would just openly insult him. Rimmer would try so hard to get into opps and sisko would have to curve him in the most polite ways he could until hes had enough and then rimmer would be so hurt over it and try to join the dominion. Odo would really dislike rimmer at first and then grow to be the only person who feels bad for him other than dave. Kira would want to kick his ass so bad tho. Everyone would love kryten so much (especially dax) and lister would join in on whatever miles and julian are playing in the hollosuite. The despair squid would show up somehow
#cat woul call garak a lizard and hed be so pissed and complain to julian whod be like ‘well hes not entirely wrong’#yea I might have to write this#could use a respite anyways since the fic im working on is beating my ass with a shovel#it was only gonna be like 2k and after a month of working on it its currently sitting at around 6k 😖#anyway ignore me#red dwarf is my other media special interest btw. but im starting book of the new sun this week so we might get a third who knows#i have the scifi autism so its a distinct posibility#regnarposting
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Fuck all of y'all in Florida how dare you misrepresent my liberal king that man loves women (not in that way) and he would not STAND for this smh
#yk damn well he'd make the vague but absolutely not vague threats and then actually follow through on them#HE WOULD NOT MISS!!!!!!!#anyways this week has sucked so bad dear god#the cold I've had for a month has apparently been pneumonia#And I coughed so hard I TORE A FUCKING MUSCLE in my ribs and I could barely move for days and had to sleep in a recliner#also finally got diagnosed with adhd but found out all my old teachers told my mom they think I have it and I should get tested but NOOOOOOO#SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT#there literally couldn't have been a clearer sign than when I almost failed fourth grade because I couldn't turn in my homework on time#The election obviously my immediate family are full Kamala but my grandparents are VERY Trump#Oh and my brothers therapist told us he apparently has the most severe case of executive dysfunction he's seen in his 30 years of working#He literally told us to just take him out of college and let him live at home forever because he won't be able to finish school#because of it so THAT'S gonna be fun since my dad said if he ever tries to come live back here he'll throw him out on the streets#THIS IS JUST IN A WEEK#WHO IS MY OPP I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I DON'T DESERVE THIS FANFIC WRITER ASS LORE#LEAVE ME ALONE 😭#red vs blue#rvb#rooster teeth#rvb florida#election 2024
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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realizing my situation is fr like probably the most niche thing fucking ever and i don’t think ill ever have someone like truly understand it or how im feeling and ive felt alone before but never like this idk
#like WHO gets told they have cancer but they actually didn’t but their tumor WAS 20 fucking pounds???#like i truly 100% believed for 2+ weeks that i have cancer touching every organ in my body and i just completely shut down#i don’t remember like any of it anymore either! it all just is a huge blur now and everything in my life is melding together#during this i also had pneumonia and a fever of 104 for a whole night#i just feel nuts now like truly#and idk how i could go to therapy#what am i supposed to say…….#what can they even do#i dont know how to cope with it all i guess and it feels so just weird#they diagnosed me with medical ptsd and i just am so like. still shocked and it’s been months since my surgery and since they told me#it’s not cancer!#i am fine!#but i feel so like not#at all#i feel like i am regressing so much emotionally and i fr have no support whatsoever
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