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uwublr ¡ 6 months ago
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Pine's Ridiculously Long List of Free Japanese Study Materials
First Month Edition
All my current study materials, because sharing found resources is caring. These are not JLPT-specific and are for pre-beginners to beginners like me. I can't believe I have been studying for a month. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. I am a slow learner, but that's okay. Find a community because it truly does make a difference. Shoutout to Seitokai's Nihongo Discord, and to @tokidokitokyo whose post let me know about it and is just overall a great person too.
Main study material: Marugoto Online A1 Self-Study Kastudoo and Rikai with downloaded PDF and Wordbook (my original post about it)
Supplemental references:
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar (The only NOT free resource in this list, sorry! The e-book sold on Amazon does not have good reviews as it's a scanned copy of the book, rather than a properly formatted e-book. A free alternative to this is JapBase which also contains Intermediate and Advanced content.)
Marugoto Plus which accompanies the Marugoto courses and includes videos, audio files, etc.
Apps: Anki, Renshuu
Anki decks:
Tatsumoto's Kana (Recognizing and Writing)
Tatsumoto's AnkiDrone Sentence Pack V7
Official KanjiDamage Deck (from the creator of KanjiDamage, crude language warning for both the deck and the site)
Marugoto A1 Rikai Katsudoo 2021
Dictionaries:
Rikaitan browser extension (installed JMDict English V4, JMExtra, 日本語文法辞典(全集), and Kanjium)
Takoboto app (with offline access)
Other resources:
Sukiruma for practice writing sheets
Reader Ttsu for reading Japanese materials on a browser (used in conjunction with Rikaitan, since I couldn't find an e-book reader that I can install a Japanese dictionary in)
Sousakuba for downloadable genkouyoushi without watermarks
Youtube:
Favorites marked with a ⭐️.
Comprehensible Input for what it says on the tin, in bite-size formats
Daily Japanese with Naoko for vlogs with Japanese subtitles
Dogen for the funny videos that you can learn from and/or relate to
Game Gengo because Japanese learning through games, and has JLPT geared content if you're looking for it
Gino Kei who has shorts teaching Japanese in a not so serious way
Hiro - Food in Japan for cooking videos, not in Japanese, but these make me crave for Japanese food anyway so that counts
⭐️ Japan Eat for Japanese food commentary in English and also makes me hungry. So, yeah, not in 日本語 but it's delicious so that also counts
Japanese Koro mostly for kana reading practice which actually helps you get short serotonin boosts for when you do actually get to read the words correctly
Japanese Quest which plays games in Japanese
⭐️ Japarrot! for fun, animated comprehensible input videos
Let's ask Shogo for culture content
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Matcha Samurai for delightfully unhinged culture content, debunking Japanese misconceptions one video at a time
Namba Tsuyoshi for no narration Japanese walk with me style vlogs, very chill and relaxing
⭐️ NihongoDekita with Sayaka for fun, short grammar content
ShekMatz Japan has videos/playlists where she teaches Japanese in Tagalog, so if you can't understand Tagalog, you'd better skip it
Sora The Troll because why not
⭐️ Takashii from Japan is honestly one of my favorites, even before I started learning Japanese. His interviews are just really good!
Taro's Sewing because my toxic trait is thinking I can sew the cool things they post. Also comes with short Japanese commentary on screen
Tokyo Lens counts as uh, immersion even if it's not in Japanese, but it's in Japan so that counts? Yeah, let's go with that
もしもしようすけ for Japan vlogs/walk with me with Japanese and English subtitles
Yomii Japan Piano if you like piano and the occasional trolling
Japanese Calligrapher Takumi because my other toxic trait is thinking I can write this beautifully
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imgeekgirlfan ¡ 4 months ago
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The Curse of Cassandra│(Qimir x Reader)
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Read in Ao3 : here
Pairings:  Qimir x f!reader(SEA Reader)  [The Acolyte]
Content Rating : Mature 18+  Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warning (AT YOUR OWN RISK)
tags/themes : Alternate Universe - Dune & Star wars, Partners in Crime, Strangers to Lovers
Summary: Being a prophet is both a gift and a curse; you see the future and you’re burdened with the weight of knowing that every decision you make could shape or destroy entire universe, with the overwhelming pressure that the fate of the galaxy hinges on your choice, and every path fraught with sacrifice.
Status: Completed (Finally! 😭)
A/N : I'm thai and english isn't my first language (sorry for the broken English)
This fic exists 'cause I got high (thanks to weed!). So my work's full of random shit in many ways. But I hope you'll dig it.
I got inspo from novels and movies I'm obsessed with: Dune, Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, Blue Eye Samurai, and Anne Carson's Cassandra Float Can. (Hence the title "The Curse of Cassandra," linking to the Greek myth)
It's a mash-up of different universes, not just Star Wars, with a lot of tweaks for my storyline. If you want fanfic that strict Star Wars canon, this fic isn't for you.
Also, diversity FTW! the reader in this fic isn't white, she's a SEA woman, we gonna representing ASEAN pride.
➡  EP : 1 // EP : 2 // EP : 3 // EP : 4 // EP : 5 // EP : 6 // EP : 7 // EP : 8 // EP : 9 // EP : 10 // EP : 11 // EP : 12 // EP : 13 // EP : 14 (Completed)
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[Intro] A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
What fate could be worse? 
Being captured by Jedi 
Or being hunted by Sith
You close your eyelids, frowning at the stabbing sensation creeping into your brain. It's always like this when you try to sink into the stream of time, pondering what's yet to come. The price for this wicked foresight is torment of both body and soul, intensifying as your senses expand.
You see, you hear, you feel. The moisture in the air, the sound of water droplets hitting the ground, the wind rustling through the grass, the capillaries in your nasal cavities twisting and rupturing before blood gushes from your nose.
As you casually wipe away the red fluid with the back of your hand, you suddenly realize certain truths that have always been part of you. 
You are an aberration, something repulsive. An Abomination. 
And abominations must be eliminated—so they say.
You let out a long sigh, allowing your mind to drift through the past, present, and future—every possible event and situation. You watch it all with a numb mind, as if you've seen the same movie hundreds or thousands of times, a movie whose ending you already know well.
Yet there's one thing you still don't know: which ending will the path you're on now lead to?
Something pulls you out of your meditation, coinciding with the moment you sense someone's piercing gaze openly fixed upon you. That man is watching you from the shadows behind a large tree, not with malicious intent but with curiosity mixed with several other complex emotions too ambiguous to explain.
You remain seated in meditation at the same spot, amidst the blood and corpses of the Jedi, not daring to move, almost forgetting even to breathe.
You are the last one still breathing, the final victim of the Jedi massacre carried out by the mysterious Sith—The Stranger who is now closely observing you.
His face is completely hidden beneath a dark, twisted metal mask. Yet you can still feel his gleaming eyes surveying your body, as far as sight allows, focusing excessively, even invasively.
The curiosity in his mind is so intense that you find yourself trembling.
You see visions of what might happen—there's a high chance he'll rush in to slice you to pieces with his red lightsaber, searching for secrets or whatever might be hidden inside your body. Or he might subjugate you with his Force, using his power to penetrate your mind, deep into your subconscious, hoping to taste the forbidden fruit of secrets that you alone possess.
But he will never know, as long as you don't wish him to.
The scent of death hangs heavy in the air as heavy footsteps crunch over gravel, approaching you slowly, like a predator toying with its prey. You freeze, every muscle in your body tense, as you face the tall figure in dark cloak, his visage concealed behind a strange metal mask carved into a distorted smile.
For a moment, this man reminds you of the grim reaper from ancient religious myths that vanished thousands of years ago.
He is the harbinger of death everywhere he goes, including your own death
Awareness strikes like a warning signal. Various possibilities flash through your memory, similar to how a dying person recalls everything that happened in their life.
You instantly realize how crucial this moment is. This is an incredibly fragile juncture. 
There's a fifty percent chance he'll kill you, and another fifty percent chance he'll spare your life. 
Fear spreads throughout your flesh, imprinting itself on your soul, turning your blood ice-cold. Your pulse races with panic. 
You take a deep breath, quickly focusing, trying hard to regain control of your shaken mind. "I must not fear," you mutter to yourself, the same phrase your mother used to teach you as a child. "Fear is the mind-killer, fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration..." 
A low, hoarse laugh escapes from behind the metal mask. Clearly, he heard what you said. "Oh, I think you should fear," he says, his words teetering between mockery and sarcasm.
You know he wants you to fear because, for the Sith, fear leads to power.
 You do the opposite, swallowing the lump of fear in your throat, maintaining a calm demeanor as you force a faint smile for the person before you. 
"Humans fear what they don't know, just as they fear me, and just as they fear you." You pause momentarily, carefully considering your final sentence, which could determine your fate. 
Finally, you speak, firm and unwavering, "But I know you, so I do not fear." 
There's a fifty percent chance he'll kill you, and another fifty percent chance he'll spare your life—this thought returns to your mind once more.
He had always kept his secret well, never letting anyone who knew his true identity survive.
You know well that your revelation will bring about an end that changes everything, both for better and for worse.
This is the gamble you've already placed your bet on, for this purpose and for this moment.
The lightsaber hilt in his hand remains tightly closed, showing no sign of the red flame that has taken countless lives. He kneels before you, his action clearly revealing vulnerabilities in his body. You could easily grab the lightsaber from the Jedi's corpse and behead him in one stroke.
But you don't kill him, just as he doesn't kill you.
You look into his eyes, he looks into yours, gauging each other in silence.
His large hand reaches beneath his mask, unlocks the mechanism, and slowly removes it, revealing the familiar face in your sight.
His face is sharp in every proportion, with messy jet-black hair. His eyes, once gentle when touched by sunlight, now cold as ice, contrast starkly with the smile slowly spreading wide, in the same fashion as the smile on the mask he wore earlier.
"Qimir"
His name sounds strange when you utter it, as if it's not a name you're familiar with, and the man before you is not the man you know.
The man chuckles softly and moves even closer, cutting off any chance for you to escape. You swallow hard, trying to turn your face away from his intense gaze. But he doesn't let you. His fingers, wet with others' blood, dig into both of your cheeks, pressing hard enough to hurt, forcing you to look only at him.
"Surprised?" He leans in closer, his hot breath on your face, and whispers softly in your ear, "I told you, you can't run away from me."
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badkitty3000 ¡ 7 months ago
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☕Love In The Time Of Cholera And Coffee ☕
Part One: Chapters 1-6
Five x Female Reader, Klaus x Female Reader
You and Klaus are in a casual relationship. No ties, just sex. When you start spending a lot of time at his apartment, you somehow manage to break through his brother's prickly outer shell. He seems to like you, or at least tolerate you the best that Five can. When you start to realize that maybe there is more than just mutual friendship between the two of you, it opens up a lot of feelings and unanswered questions. And a lot of problems.
This story contains sexually explicit material! (But also lots of humor and fluff)
Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
Multi-Chapter Fic, Cross-posted on AO3. Link to my Master List.
This story alternates between the reader's POV and Five's POV. I will update a chapter at a time going forward. If you'd like to read it on AO3's format, here is the Link to story on AO3.
Thank you for reading!
Chapter One: Motivation, Routine, and Caffeine
You have been sort of dating Klaus for several weeks already. Not exactly his girlfriend and not exactly not his girlfriend. You are something in between and you are ok with that. You don’t need a major commitment and you are content with a casual relationship. Maybe not forever, but for right now it suits your needs. Klaus is fun and easygoing, and always makes you feel relaxed. He can be selfish sometimes, that is true, but you are willing to overlook it for the most part. As long as he doesn’t bring his selfishness into the bedroom, which so far he has not, then you could live with it.
The sex is good. Which is probably the real reason you’ve been hanging around so long. Without the sex, there isn’t a whole lot keeping you there. You don’t have a lot in common, except that you both like watching old English-dubbed Samurai movies on TV late at night while passing a joint back and forth. You don’t even like smoking that much, but Klaus has a way of making everything seem alluring and sexy, so you never hesitate when he takes a long hit off a joint and hands it over to you.
You spend a lot of your time at his apartment. You work a lot of hours, and sometimes have to work late, and his apartment is much closer than yours. That’s actually where you had met Klaus, at the bakery and coffee shop that you manage. He had come in for a tea and started making small talk with you. Before you knew it, he had you cracking up when he made a joke about eating your muffin. You weren’t even offended; that’s just part of the magic of Klaus. He can say pretty much anything and get away with it.
It doesn’t hurt that he’s one of the most beautiful men on the planet. Honestly, sometimes you’re jealous of how every single piece of clothing looks amazing on him and he never seems to have a bad hair day. Being with Klaus is like walking around in the company of some ancient Greek sculpture come to life. He draws eyes wherever he goes, from both men and women, and he’s never shy about returning the looks, either.
He likes to go shopping with you to help you pick out clothes, and he always lets you know if they look good on you or not. He’s funny, and sweet, and it’s very easy to fall under his spell. With Klaus you get the best of both worlds; a fun best friend that you can share clothes and gossip with, but who you also get to fuck.
That initial run-in with him eventually led to a few hook ups, and now you are a regular visitor at his place. It works out well. He always stays up late, so it’s no big deal if you swing by on your way out of work at midnight.
You are also working a lot in order to hopefully buy the shop from the current owner. Soon, you’ll have enough cash, along with a loan from the bank, to buy it. And you already run the place, anyway. It has always been a dream of yours to be able to own your own business.
So, between the long hours and financial preparation for the purchase, you don’t have a whole lot of free time. Most of what you do have, you spend with Klaus since it’s convenient and fun. Which, as it turns out, means you are also spending a lot of time with his brother.
You knew from the beginning who Klaus was. You know all about The Umbrella Academy and the Hargreeves family, because everyone does. Not that they’re really a household name anymore, but you know all about their history and their powers. So, when you found Klaus shared an apartment with Number Five, you were intrigued. You knew he had gone missing for a long time, but didn’t really know the whole story. Klaus had filled you in one night, though, and you were left feeling sorry and sad for him. That is, until you met him.
The first time you were there, sitting on the couch with Klaus watching TV, Five had teleported directly into the living room and scared the living shit out of you. After you screamed, he looked at you like you were some sort of flea-ridden possum that had gotten inside the house when someone left the door open.
“Holy shit!” you had shrieked, clutching at your chest and trying to catch your breath.
Without addressing you in any way, or introducing himself, Five glared at you, then turned to Klaus with a scowl. “Keep your feet off the coffee table. And stop leaving the goddamn milk out.”
Then he was gone again, in a swoosh of light, leaving you staring at an empty space.
“Wow, that was intense. Does he always do that?” you had asked Klaus.
Klaus just laughed and nodded, putting his feet back up on the coffee table. “Oh yeah, that’s just Five. You get used to it.”
“He seems kind of scary. And angry.”
“Fivey? Oh no, not at all. My big brother is really just a mushy little teddy bear all dressed up in a three-piece suit. Trust me, his bark is much bigger than his bite.” Then Klaus creased his eyebrows together in thought and pointed his joint at you. “But, maybe try not to piss him off too much. Just in case.”
Because of what you learned about Five’s time travel mishaps, he looked younger than Klaus and a few years younger than you. You were somewhere in between the two of them. But Five definitely had the grumpy, older brother thing down. After you got used to him appearing and disappearing without warning, you started to loosen up around him a little bit. Even though Klaus told you he was really a softy inside, you have a hard time believing it from the way he acts around you. After several weeks straight of being ignored, you decide to call him out on his bullshit.
Five appears out of a portal of blue directly in front of you as you are on your way to the bathroom. As usual, he gives you his signature sneer and is about to walk past you when you grab him by the arm. He looks down at his arm where your hand is and then back at your face; a murderous glint in his eyes.
“What the hell is your problem?” you ask him, doing your very best not to show your nerves.
“My problem? I don’t have a problem, thank you. Now let go of me.”
His voice is hard, but he also hasn’t tried to pull away, and you keep your hand on him. His upper arm is much firmer and solid than you had expected and you can feel his bicep flexing under your fingers.
“Why are you always so rude? I haven’t done anything to you.”
Five rolls his eyes and sighs. “Christ. Look, I’m sorry if I’m not dying to be all buddy-buddy with you. I learned a while ago that it’s not exactly worth getting to know my brother’s flavor of the month.”
You know he’s meaning to insult you, but you end up laughing instead. It’s no secret that Klaus is a total man-whore and you’re fine with that. It’s nothing serious and if another man came along that you were interested in, Klaus wouldn’t mind that, either. In fact, he’d probably want to meet him.
“Look, your mean old man act is wearing a little thin. It wouldn’t kill you to be somewhat nice once in a while. Maybe even get to know me? Most people think I’m a fucking delight.”
Five gives a sarcastic snort of laughter and looks back at your hand on his arm. This time, you let go. “How about this, sweetheart? If you’re still around next week, I’ll consider finding out how much of a fucking delight you are.”
You smile and hold out your hand, ignoring his condescension. “Alright, old man. Deal.”
You notice a tiny twitch of the corner of his mouth, but then it’s gone again. He looks cautiously at your hand, like he’s not sure what to do with it at first, and then he gives it a quick shake with his own before muttering something under his breath and blinking away again.
It is exactly one week later, and you haven’t forgotten Five’s deal. He has been slightly more cordial to you in the past seven days, but he still doesn’t take the time to stick around more than two minutes to talk to you. So, you’re practically beaming with satisfaction that you get to rub it in his face and actually make him talk to you.
You corner him in the kitchen one morning, as he’s pouring a cup of coffee. “Hi!” you exclaim loudly as his back is turned to you, and you laugh when he almost spills his coffee everywhere.
“Fuck!” he yells, before turning around and glaring at you.
You bounce on your toes and clap. “Guess what today is?”
“I can only hope that it’s National Leave Your Boyfriend’s Brother The Fuck Alone Day?”
You give a fake laugh and shake your head. “No, dummy. And he’s not my boyfriend, anyway. It’s been a week and I’m still here, right in your grumpy little face. So, now you have to talk to me.”
“I most certainly do not,” he states dryly before taking a sip of his coffee and then making a face of disgust. “Damn it, Klaus cannot make a decent pot of coffee to save his life.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s what I told him! It’s the worst!”
That seems to pique Five’s interest a little and he gives a small smile. “He buys the cheapest shit ever. Everyone knows the secret to good coffee is –"
“Quality coffee beans.”
He looks stunned that you said exactly what he was going to say and he lowers his mug. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“See? If you had taken the time to know me a little, you would know that I actually manage a café. I know all about good coffee.”
You don’t know him well enough to recognize all of his expressions, but if you could guess, you’d say he looks somewhat impressed.
You continue on. “And, since I know firsthand that Klaus’s coffee is total shit, I have started bringing my own with me. Wait right here.”
You leave, go into Klaus’s bedroom, and pull out a small bag of coffee grounds from the overnight bag you brought with you. When you return to the kitchen, Five is still waiting there, and you hold it up for him to see.
“Now, move out of the way so I can dump that swamp water out and make us something good.”
Five actually does what you say, and moves out of your way, allowing you to clean out the pot and fill the coffee maker up with fresh water and your special grounds. He doesn’t say anything, but he’s watching you intently. It’s slightly unnerving but you try to ignore it.
When you’re done and all you can do is wait for the coffee to brew, the two of you stand on opposite sides of the kitchen, leaning against the countertop. Five has his arms crossed over his chest and you start fidgeting with your hands, picking at your nails and cuticles. Your boldness from just a few minutes ago has faded.
“So, you’re the manager of a café?” Five finally asks, breaking the silence.
“Yes. Soon to be owner, if things go well.”
Five raises his eyebrows and nods his head in approval. “Sounds like a smart move.”
“I hope so. It’s a big step, but I’m ready for it. I want to be my own boss.”
Five nods his head again, but doesn’t say anything. After another minute of silence, the coffee maker beeps. Thankful for something to do, you pull out two new clean mugs and pour each of you a cup. When you hand one to Five, he takes it from you and you notice his hands. They look strong, with taught tendons running down the backs and long, slender fingers. You’ve always had a thing for hands.
“Holy shit,” Five says, his forehead creased with lines.
“What? No good?” you ask, genuinely surprised that he wouldn’t like it.
“No, quite the opposite. This is perfect!”
You laugh and hold up your mug. “And you didn’t want to get to know me.”
Five makes a face that kind of resembles a smile and takes another drink. “Well, if I’d known you made coffee like this…”
You laugh again and shake your head. “Klaus insists you are just a big teddy bear, and maybe I’m beginning to see it. Underneath all that crabbiness, anyway.”
“I’m not crabby,” Five insists, giving you the crabbiest frown ever.
“Oh, ok. Sorry. Curmudgeonly? Would you prefer that?”
To your surprise, he actually laughs. You’ve never heard him laugh before and it catches you off guard. But you like the way his face breaks into a big grin and the sound that rises up out of his chest like it’s been stored in there for a very long time and is finally being released.
“Well, I’ll be damned…did you just make Senor Cinco laugh?”
You and Five both turn and see Klaus sauntering into the kitchen to join you, wearing nothing but a small pair of bright blue underpants. He sidles up to you and throws an arm around your shoulder, leaning down and giving you a kiss on the cheek.
“I did!” you exclaim with a smile, putting your arm around his naked waist.
“That just might be a new record. Usually, it takes at least three months, plus a few thinly-veiled death threats, before you get an honest to goodness laugh out of him.”
Five rolls his eyes and his face returns to its normal seriousness. “Actually, Klaus, I just don’t laugh at anything you have to say. Because you’re a fucking idiot.”
“Aw…I love you too, Fivey,” Klaus responds before he reaches out and ruffles Five’s hair.
Five bristles and runs a hand over the mess Klaus made, trying to restore his normal style.
“Well, as much as I’d love to continue this thrilling conversation, I’ll be taking my leave now. Enjoy your day doing…what do you two do, anyway? Contract various STDs and debate the nuances of Scooby Doo?”
You let out a loud cackle at that, which makes Five smile crookedly in your direction; right before he blinks away, leaving Klaus rolling his eyes and you with an inexplicably warm feeling in your chest.
Another week has passed and you and Klaus are still playing the no-ties dating game. Since you had turned Five on to your coffee making skills, the two of you have developed a bit of a friendship. While Klaus likes to stay up late and sleep in the next day, you are up early. Despite your long work hours, you generally don’t need a lot of sleep to function. You run mostly on motivation, routine, and caffeine. Which, coincidentally, so does Five.
Because you are both up in the early morning hours, you and Five will end up meeting in the kitchen when the sun is barely above the horizon. He will sit quietly at the small kitchen table and watch while you go about making coffee for the two of you. Neither of you say much until the coffee is finished brewing and has been poured. Then you sit down across from Five and he’ll actually engage in conversation.
At first, it was like pulling teeth to get Five to answer any questions, but after a while he warmed up. Now, you’re pretty sure he actually likes sitting down and talking to you. This morning is no different, and you and Five are in the kitchen, comfortably talking and sipping coffee when Klaus wanders in.
He yawns and stretches his sinewy body before flashing you a smile. “Morning, babe. I feel like waffles. You guys want some waffles?”
Five says nothing, but you smile back up at Klaus. “As long as you aren’t suggesting I get up and make them, then yes, I’m up for some waffles. We can go to that diner down the street.”
Klaus comes over and starts running his hands through your hair, massaging your scalp in the process and combing out the tangles with his fingers. It feels nice and relaxing and you close your eyes. When you open them again, your gaze lands on Five and your eyes meet. Something about the way he is looking at you makes your face flush with embarrassment and you gently push Klaus’s hands away, laughing.
“Quit it,” you say lightly, even though under normal circumstances you love it when Klaus plays with your hair.
He takes a step back, unfazed, and goes to pour himself a cup of coffee. Five is still watching you and you have to avert your eyes just to think straight. You scoot your chair back and stand up, turning to Klaus.
“So, are we going or what?”
Klaus shrugs. “Sure, you buying?”
You roll your eyes. “Don’t I always?”
“Yes, you do. And then I pay you back in a much more physical way.”
“You realize that makes you sound like you’re prostituting yourself for breakfast foods.”
“I’ve done a lot worse for a lot less.”
You laugh and then you see Five get up and start to make his way out of the kitchen. “Five wait!”
He stops and turns to you, coffee cup still in hand, and eyes you up. “Yeah?”
“Come with us.”
“I don’t think so. You two toddlers go ahead.”
You frown and jut your hip out. “First of all, stop insulting us. Second, name one good reason you don’t want to come with us. I mean, you do eat, don’t you? Or do you survive solely on black coffee and sarcasm?”
You see that faint smile playing on Five’s lips again. The one that gives you a little flutter in your stomach when you see it; because you know you’re one of the few that can actually get him to break.
“Yes, I do eat. If surviving on coffee and sarcasm were a thing, it would have made my life in the apocalypse much easier.”
He’s kidding, but you still feel bad about your comment and you cringe a little at the mention of his traumatic past. Klaus, though, just waves a hand in the air dramatically.
“Come on, Fivey! What’s not to like about spending time with your favorite brother, while also getting some free waffles?”
“Pleeeaase?” you beg while batting your lashes exaggeratedly in Five’s direction.
After another annoyed eye roll and a huffy sigh, Five relents. “Fine! I will go to your stupid diner and eat your stupid waffles.”
“That a boy!” Klaus goes to slap Five on the back, but he has already blinked out of the kitchen.
“I hope it’s ok that I invited him?” you ask.
“Of course it’s ok. I can’t believe he said yes, though. I’ve been trying to get him out and socializing forever. It’s like you have a special magic touch with him. You’re like the Number Five Whisperer.”
You laugh. “Yeah, right. I think he just wanted breakfast.”
Klaus shakes his head. “No, really. I’ve seen him around you. He actually listens to you and isn’t mean.”
“He’s mean to me all the time!”
“Well, compared to what the rest of the world gets from him, that’s nothing. He once called me the human version of a shart.”
When you can’t help doubling over with laughter at that, Klaus puts a hand on his hip. “It was very hurtful.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s hilarious. Say what you want, but the man is funny. Whether he intends to be or not.”
“Just you wait. When he starts comparing you to shitting his pants, then we’ll see how funny you think he is.”
Once you are all showered and dressed, the three of you walk over to the diner for breakfast. You are planning on going directly to work from there, so you have your bag slung over your shoulder. The weight of it is evident by the way you’re slumped to one side while you lug it around, and Five eyes it curiously as you slide into a booth. You and Klaus are on one side while Five is across from you.
“What do you have in there? Bricks?” Five asks you as he picks up a menu.
“Yes. I carry around a bag full of bricks. One never knows when one might need to perform an emergency masonry job.”
You see Five’s lips purse together in a failed attempt at trying not to smile, avoiding your eyes by pretending to peruse the menu.
Klaus lets out a loud hoot of laughter and puts his arm around your shoulders. “Looks like you may have met your match in the snide comment department, Fivey.”
Five glances up and flicks a stray piece of hair off his face. “Doubtful. I am, and will always remain, the king of snide comments.”
You and Five exchange amused looks and you peer down at your own menu. A waitress comes to the table to take your orders and Klaus flashes her one of his beautiful smiles and you can see she is instantly smitten by him.
“A round of waffles and coffee for the table, please.” Klaus gestures to all three of you. “And make sure to give the bill to my sugar mama over here.”
The waitress gives you a funny look and you shrug with a smile before she wanders off to put in the order.
“Klaus!” Five hisses, leaning forward.
“What?”
“If you can’t pay for your own breakfast, I will. Don’t make her do it.”
Klaus looks genuinely taken aback. “Why? She offered.”
“Because it’s…” Five pauses and sighs and if you thought he was capable of embarrassment that might have been what he was conveying. “…it’s not gentlemanly.”
You chew on your bottom lip and look down in your lap so that you don’t laugh, but also so that Five doesn’t see how completely shocked you are at this statement.
Klaus frowns at Five. “I forget sometimes that you’re an old coot under that sleek body of yours. Don’t be so old-fashioned, Fivey. The times they are a-changin’.” He turns to you. “Besides, am I nothing but a gentleman?”
They are both looking at you for some sort of response and you laugh nervously. “Yes, you are mostly a gentleman. And I don’t mind paying; I did offer.” Klaus looks smug and Five rolls his eyes. “However,” you point a finger at each of them, “neither one of you offered to carry my bag for me on the way here.”
You watch with satisfaction as both of their mouths hang open for a second before they realize they have nothing to say to that. Just then, the waitress comes by with your coffees and starts to set them down in front of you on the tabletop. As you smirk to yourself, you hear both men utter a soft “sorry” under their breath before taking a sip from their mugs.
Five clears his throat. “You never did answer me. What are you carrying around in there?”
You glance at the overstuffed tote bag next to you. “Well, some extra clothes and toiletries, but also my laptop and a bunch of notebooks and file folders. I’m applying for a large bank loan and need to make sure all of my ducks are in a row.”
“Oh, that’s right. You’re planning on buying your café.”
Klaus leans back against the booth. “Yeah, she’s cute and smart. Hey, another thing you two have in common!”
Five takes another drink and mutters over his mug. “I am not cute.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Klaus looks thoughtful as he scans Five up and down. “You’ve got more of that angry, smoldering, sex god look about you.”
“Shut up, Klaus.”
“He’s right,” you hear yourself saying and your cheeks immediately burn when you realize you said it out loud. You notice Five’s face reddens a little as well when he looks at you in surprise.
Klaus is oblivious and he clinks his coffee mug against yours in a toasting gesture. “See? Everyone thinks so. Now, the next step is to share some of that super sexiness with another human being and not just your fist.”
With his face still flushed, Five clenches his jaw even tighter. “Shut. Up. Klaus.”
“I know it’s convenient and doesn’t require you to leave the house, but choking the old chicken doesn’t replace the need for human contact. It’s nice to flog your log once in a while, but you need to branch out. Let someone else take Fivey Junior for a spin. Know what I mean?”
You are certain you are about to witness a murder firsthand as you watch Five pick up his butter knife in a clenched fist, leaning dangerously close to his brother across the table, when the waitress comes back with your food. As she plunks down the plates in front of everyone, Klaus continues to dig his own grave.
“Hey there,” he squints at the waitress’ name tag, “Sandra. What do you think of my brother over here?”
Sandra looks visibly uncomfortable as she glances from Klaus’s beaming face to Five’s murderous one and back again.
“I’m sorry?”
“On a scale of one to ten, with one being you would not bang him if he were the last man on earth, to ten being you want to jump his brittle old bones right here in this diner booth, how would you rate him?”
You sink down in your seat and close your eyes, thinking that maybe if you aren’t actually looking when Five rams that knife through Klaus’s neck, you won’t have to answer too many questions from the cops. You risk opening one eye a slit and you can see Five fuming, nostrils flared and neck veins bulging. The poor waitress is not sure what to do as she stands there awkwardly, so you decide to jump in.
You laugh theatrically. “He’s just kidding! I bet him $20 to say that. I’m sorry…I didn’t think he’d actually do it.”
Sandra relaxes a little and sighs with relief. “Oh, ok. No worries. Enjoy your meal.”
As she walks away, you turn to Klaus with a glare.
“What?” he asks innocently.
“You’re terrible,” you tell him, disapprovingly.
“I’m trying to do the guy a favor and help him get his ex-assassin wiener wet!”
Suddenly, Five’s palm bangs on the table, making the plates and cutlery dance and clatter. You and Klaus both jump in your booth.
“I do not,” seethes Five, “need your help or anyone else’s for that matter.” He relaxes a bit, unclenching his jaw and rolling his shoulders back. His eyes pass over to you as he starts to cut into his waffle. One corner of his mouth curls up as he stabs a piece with his fork. “Fivey Junior is doing just fine, thank you,” he quips before taking a bite and giving you a quick wink.
Your stomach feels warm and fluttery all of a sudden and you let out a snort of laughter. The subject is dropped after that and Klaus eventually moves on to something else that involves his and Five’s apartment. Your mind wanders as you eat your food, staring into space as the two brothers chatter next to you. You didn’t mean for your mind to wander to that, but now that it was brought up, you find it front and center in your brain.
You find yourself wondering exactly what Five’s sexual situation is. You’ve never seen him with a woman, or a man, but he’s certainly good looking enough to get either one. Maybe his surly attitude turns people off? You know all about his unique situation, and so maybe he’s never had the opportunity to be with anyone else in that way. You steal a glance over at him, noticing the way the tendons in his forearms tighten and relax as he gestures while he talks and that warm feeling is back.
I wonder what kind of package he’s working with in those pants of his? He’s not a huge guy, but he sure as hell carries himself like he’s got a giant schlong. I would not be surprised if he was packing some serious equipment in there. I bet it could do some real damage…all that anger has to go somewhere. And I bet he knows how to use it, too. Probably could bang you right through a fucking wall –"
“Think twelve inches is too big?”
You drop your fork onto your plate with a loud clang as Five’s question snaps you out of your perverted daydream. Your face is suddenly very hot.
“What?” you ask in a wide-eyed panic.
Five and Klaus both give you a weird look.
“The shelving unit to put under the bathroom sink, remember I was telling you about them the other day? What do you think about the size?” Klaus explains.
“Oh, right. Uh…I don’t know,” you stammer.
Five turns back to Klaus. “It might be a little tight but I bet I could make it fit. Probably have to shove it in there really good, though.”
At that, you dissolve in a burst of nervous laughter that has the other two looking at you like you’ve lost your mind. You can’t stop laughing, though, and you cover your mouth with your hand while your body shakes uncontrollably.
Five and Klaus exchange confused glances. “Ok…weird,” Klaus says before going back to his waffles.
After a good thirty seconds of hyperventilating, you finally calm down enough and you wipe the tears from your eyes.
Five points a fork at you. “What the hell was that?”
You shake your head, suppressing another round of laughter. “Nothing, I was just thinking of something from earlier. You had to be there.”
“Clearly.”
After a few more minutes of silence, Klaus turns to you. “I know you’ve been worried about this loan and making sure you have everything in order. I’m no good at that kind of thing, but our boy Cinco over here probably is. Maybe he can look things over for you.”
“Oh!” You turn to Five. “Really? You’re good with finances and all that?”
“I’m good at everything, so by default I’m also good at finances,” he answers offhandedly, not looking up from his plate.
“Oh, right, silly me. I forgot, you’re a goddamn genius.”
He looks up and nods without a hint of irony. “Correct. I am.”
You roll your eyes. “Ok, never mind, sorry I asked.”
“Alright, don’t get all huffy. If you want me to look things over, I can do that.”
“Well, if it’s not cutting too much into your time of sucking your own dick, then that would be great.”
Klaus lets out a loud laugh and Five raises one eyebrow as he leans back and drapes his arm over the back of the booth with a smirk. “I think I can pencil you in somewhere.” He picks up his coffee mug, stopping just before he takes a drink. “Incidentally, that would have been another skill I could have used during those solitary years. But, alas, as brilliant as I am, I found I lack the flexibility.”
You bite at the inside of your cheek to stifle your laughter. “There’s a visual I don’t need.”
Klaus nearly chokes on his food. “Holy shit, did you actually try that? I’m not saying I haven’t myself, but I just didn’t think you…well, I guess there were a lot of lonely hours to kill, so like what did you try first? Rolling up in a ball, or –"
You slap a hand over his mouth. “Ok then! I can see this conversation is headed in a very weird direction, so I am just going to excuse myself and head to work now.”
After you gather up your bag, Klaus gets up to let you out of the booth. As you hoist the heavy tote over your shoulder, you address Five. “If you really are serious, I would be glad to have your help.”
“I was serious.”
“Thank you. Would you be available later today around 4? You can come by the café. I’ll even make you some coffee.”
“Sure. See you then.”
You give him a smile and then turn to Klaus. “See you later?”
“Absolutely. I’ll be around.”
Klaus leans down to kiss you, which is nothing out of the ordinary of course, but you feel weird being so affectionate in front of Five and you break the kiss off quicker than normal. You say goodbye to them both and as you go to leave, Klaus gives you a slap on the ass. When you turn to give him a fake scowl, you catch Five looking at you. He’s watching you with that intense look of his that you still have trouble reading the meaning behind. Whatever it is, though, you’re finding that you kind of like it.
Chapter Two: Fivey Junior
As I leave the diner and Klaus goes off to do whatever the hell Klaus does, I stand on the sidewalk outside for a minute or two. My hands in my pants pockets, I lean up against the building and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. What the fuck am I doing?
It’s true I wanted nothing to do with her in the beginning. I’m tired of having to deal with Klaus’s random friends and whatever stray he decides to bring home for a week or two. They usually end up making a mess, drinking all of my good beer, and eating my Grape Nuts cereal. But then they are eventually gone and he moves on to the next one. Men and women. Sometimes both at the same time. It’s exhausting just watching him and I honestly have no idea how he does it. I’m definitely too old for that shit. Meanwhile, though, I have to live with it.
So, when she showed up, I could not have cared less. Just add it to the long line of other free loaders. But then she stuck around longer than usual. She was there most mornings and most nights. I couldn’t turn around without finding another stupid pink hair tie of hers and there was suddenly strawberry scented shampoo in the shower. According to Klaus things were not serious between them, but he liked having her around and apparently she felt the same about him.
Then, that day she grabbed my arm and accused me of being a mean old man, well I may have shifted my opinion of her just slightly. No one ever challenges me and they certainly never grab me like that. Not without a serious death wish, anyway. But when she did it, I don’t know why, but I didn’t mind. I hadn’t spent enough time around her to really study her up close, but once she was in my face, calling me rude, I could see the little speckles in her eyes. And see how pink her lips were and smell that strawberry shampoo. When I shook her hand, it felt soft and warm.
It was like she made it a personal mission of hers to wear me down, and I have to admit it really fucking worked. She’s nice and bubbly and sunshiny all the time, and that should be the most irritating goddamn thing in the world, but for some reason it’s not. She also calls me out on my bullshit, which no one ever does, outside of my family, and so I have to admire her for that.
That morning when she made me coffee for the first time, that sealed the deal. Not because it was damn good coffee, because it was. It was that she genuinely wanted to talk to me. I have no idea why; she wasn’t wrong when she called me rude before. Still, as much as I didn’t mind the company, I wasn’t going to put too much effort in. I figured she’d be gone soon enough.
The days that followed, though, she was still there. And now every morning I meet her in the kitchen and we sit and chat and drink our coffee. And it’s nice. Nice enough that I make sure to get up extra early every day just to have that time with her to myself. She’s intelligent and funny, and almost as much of a sarcastic smart-ass as myself.
She’s beautiful, too. I can’t stop watching her any time she’s around me. Whatever she’s doing, I’m mesmerized and I have to remind myself to stop staring like a creep. I like the way she moves with confidence around me and the way she gestures with her hands when she talks. I like her voice in the morning when it’s still a little raspy from sleep. I try not to look at the rest of her body, because I know she’s technically too young for me and I’m being a gross old man, but fuck, she is sexy. I know why Klaus likes her. She really is fucking delightful.
This morning I really didn’t want to get breakfast. After I saw Klaus stroking her hair like that, the last thing I wanted to do was see more of the two of them shoved in my face. When she berated me for not going, though, I had a hard time saying no again. She seems to be able to do that to me. But then what just happened back there in the diner? Was I flirting ? Did I actually wink at her while talking about my dick? Holy shit, did I just tell her I tried to suck my own dick? Yes. Yes, I did.
I drop my head back on the brick building, hard, and groan. What is wrong with me? I am a grown ass man. I am not some love-struck teenager with a hard on for every girl that looks in my direction. I do not pine for women. And let’s not gloss over the fact that she’s dating Klaus, my actual brother. They might not be serious, but that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. Fuck, I need to get a life.
And now, because Klaus is completely oblivious and also apparently thinks I have too much free time on my hands, I am committed to seeing her again today. Of course I don’t mind helping her and I’m happy to do it, but I’m nervous just thinking about it. Why should I be, though? It’s just us talking over coffee like we have been for several mornings now. The only thing different is that it will be in an outside location. At her coffee shop. Just the two of us, no Klaus. Almost like… I swear to god if you even entertain that idea right now… date.
“God fucking fuck damn it FUCK!” I yell out loud on the street while I kick at the brick wall with my good shoes, scuffing them up in the process.
Several people are looking at me like I’m an insane person and a couple of them are crossing the street to get away from the raving lunatic trying to beat up a building. To avoid the concerned stares, I blink away and reappear a few streets over. I might as well keep walking, maybe that will clear my head and stop with all these ridiculous thoughts.
It’s a nice day, at least, and I end up at a park, taking a seat on a bench as I wallow in my own self-pity. There’s an older man on the bench next to me, reaching into a bag of bread and throwing the crumbs out to the pigeons gathering around his feet. He looks over at me and I give him a nod of approval, thinking that looks like a nice way to pass the time, but have you seen the price of bread these days? I lean forward and put my head in my hands, groaning out loud at myself while my pigeon friend gives me the side eye.
One thing that has started happening since she came along is that I sometimes forget my real age. I was at least able to age myself up by 8 years or so when we arrived in this timeline, thanks to some tricky time-math and a whole lot of luck, but I’m still well older than my body portrays me. It used to shock the hell out of me every time I’d pass by a mirror and see a stranger looking back at me. Then, after a while, I got used to it and I’m not going to complain; trading your broken old body in for a new model definitely has its perks. No more aching bones, tired muscles, or mysterious bruises that seem to appear out of nowhere. And I won’t get started on the new and improved libido, but suffice to say it’s a nice bonus.
Even though I have gotten used to the newer, younger me, I have never felt young mentally. I have remained the same stubborn old man that has resided in my head for decades now. It’s a weird contradiction to have the energy to stay out all night, yet still rather be at home catching up on this season’s Antiques Roadshow. But this is the first time in the last few years that I’ve started to feel more like my younger self. And maybe it’s because I don’t want to feel like a dirty old man, lusting after a woman more than half my age. That is definitely part of it, but the other part is that she just makes me forget. She makes me feel younger.
The hours are dragging by, but I still don’t feel like going home, so I continue to wander around. I come to the conclusion that I am being a selfish, delusional bastard and I just need to cut it out. If I really think about it and start psychoanalyzing myself, there’s a clear reason why I’m having all of these misdirected feelings. It’s obvious that my years of solitude have left me ill equipped when it comes to forming human relationships. In my still-infantile mind, a simple friendship between a man and woman has manifested itself into something more, because it doesn’t know the difference. The chemicals in my brain are confused and don’t know when and how to release themselves at the appropriate times.
I know that dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine are produced upon initial attraction to another person, and that oxytocin is released when you presume you are in love. Everyone knows that. So, it’s obvious that I just need to reprogram my brain so that it is not confusing mutual amicability with something more. As usual, if you approach something from a scientific aspect and remove emotions from the equation, problems become much easier to solve. Simple science makes everything so much clearer.
It’s finally close to 4pm when I’m supposed to meet her at the café, so I start making my way over there. I have a new outlook on this meeting now. I am happy to look over her finances and make any suggestions that I see could be helpful. If she asks for my opinion, I’ll give it. Then, I will take my leave, go home, and continue on with my life. No more of this internal longing bullshit.
Then I arrive there and…well, fuck. So much for science.
I am standing outside of the café looking in through the windows and I can see her in there. She’s standing next to one of the tables, talking with another woman who is sitting down with a mug in front of her. I obviously can’t hear her, but I watch as her face breaks into a beautiful smile and she laughs. A laugh I can hear in my mind because I’ve memorized it. She crosses her arms over her chest, which squeezes her breasts together and accentuates her cleavage. When she finishes her conversation and walks back towards the counter at the front, my eyes travel down to her round butt bouncing along in the tight jeans she’s wearing.
“Excuse me.”
I am snapped out of my voyeuristic weirdness by an annoyed voice belonging to a woman behind me. Apparently, I’m blocking the doorway and she would like to enter the building. I open the door for her and she walks past me while I try to get a grip. I follow the woman inside and up to the counter.
When she sees me, she smiles and I automatically shove my hands in my pockets to try and portray an air of casualness.
“Hey there, Fivey,” she says with a big shit-eating grin.
I shake my head and attempt to look mad. “Do not call me that. It’s bad enough Klaus does.”
“It’s so cute, though! It’s like his little pet name for you.”
“I’m not sure why my idiot brother feels the need to make my name even weirder than it already is.”
She snorts out a laugh and then bites her bottom lip, and honestly both of those things are going to send me through the roof, she’s so fucking cute.
“Ok, so no nickname, fair enough. Still willing to help me out?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
She turns away, but not before I see an eyeroll, as she grabs a coffee cup and fills it up, handing it over the counter to me.
“Here you are. One free coffee. As promised.”
“Thanks. I can pay for it though, you don’t really have to give it to me.”
“No please, just take it. I promise I won’t think you are ungentlemanly for it,” she says with a small smile and I can see she’s obviously teasing me about my comment in the diner earlier.
“You make fun of me, but one of the perks of being with an older man is that we know how to take care of our ladies.”
It just came out of my mouth without thinking and I can feel my face getting hot. I’m just praying that she can’t see me blushing. What the hell is going on with me?
“Oh, is that so? I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, then,” she says with a flirty tone.
I have no idea what to say next without sounding like a complete asshole, so I just don’t say anything and instead take a sip of my coffee.
She clears her throat. “Well, let me go grab my stuff and we can sit down at one of the tables.”
She disappears into the back for a minute, returning with her heavy looking tote bag from earlier. I follow her over to a small two-top table and we sit across from one another. As she fishes around in her bag and unloads her laptop and some file folders, I watch as a lock of hair falls in front her face and all I can think about is reaching over and tucking it behind her ear. Obviously, I do not do this.
I look over all of her financial information and everything looks like it’s in order. When I start asking about something I’m reading on her laptop, she gets annoyed that she can’t see the screen well, and so she comes around to my side of the table, sitting directly next to me. I can smell that strawberry shampoo again and our legs brush together. I swallow nervously.
“I think everything looks good here. Your credit scores are high, you have no debts, and you’re asking for a reasonable amount. I don’t really see why they would deny you.”
“Do you think so? I know it’s stupid, but I’m so nervous! The meeting with the bank is tomorrow morning.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“It’s just…if I don’t get this loan I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve put so much into this place, I already feel like it’s my own. But I’m not going to work as a coffee shop manager for the rest of my life. I at least want to be a business owner. You know, something I can be proud of.”
I nod. “I think you should be proud of yourself no matter what.”
She scoffs a little. “Ok, thanks Dad,” she says sarcastically.
Just like that, I come crashing down to reality as I’m reminded who I really am. I am not a 20-something year old. I am old enough to be her actual dad. And while that really has no bearing on anything, considering nothing is going to happen between us anyway, it’s still a kick in the nuts. She must see it on my face, because I see her cringe.
“That was a joke. I don’t actually think of you as a dad.”
“I know.” My voice is clipped as I try to hide my embarrassment.
She leans into me and bumps my shoulder with hers in a friendly gesture. “Thank you. For helping me with this.”
“You didn’t need my help. You’ve got this.”
“Well, thank you anyway. And thank you for putting up with me. I know I annoy you by always hanging around your place.”
"It’s true, you are a giant pain in the ass,” I say with a smile. “But, as giant pains in the asses go, you’re not so bad.”
“Aw…thanks Fivey!”
She laughs at my irritated face, which I am only making to keep up the façade. She can call me anything she wants, really. I don’t mind.
I am sitting at home the next afternoon, when she comes bursting through the door of the apartment. She's absolutely bouncing up and down with glee and when she sees Klaus she runs over to him and he picks her up in a big bear hug. She has on what I assume to be her business attire from her bank meeting, and I can’t stop staring. It’s a tight pencil skirt with a short, fitted blazer on top and black high heels. When Klaus lifts her up, her jacket pulls up in the back and I am treated to a very small window of her bare skin just above the waist of her skirt. I’m not sure if I want to look there, or down a little bit lower to wear the material is hugging her hips and ass.
“I got it!” she shrieks and kisses Klaus before he sets her down again.
“That’s great, babe!” he tells her.
Then she turns to me, as I stand there staring like a dope. Before I know it she has her arms wrapped around me and my face is covered by her hair as she hooks her chin over my shoulder. I don’t know what to do, I’m practically paralyzed with shock. I can’t even bring my arms up to hug her back, so they just stay limply at my sides. I take a breath and close my eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair and skin. She lets go of me and steps back and my immediate impulse is to pull her right back into me again. But I don’t. Instead, I just continue doing nothing.
“I cannot thank you enough, Five. You helped me do this.”
“I…I really didn’t do anything.”
“Well, you gave me the confidence I needed and made me feel like I knew what I was doing before I went in there. So, thank you. Really.”
She is smiling so genuinely and sweetly at me and I just can’t believe she is giving me any credit for anything. But I figure if I keep putting off her compliments she’ll get annoyed, so instead, I get weird and flustered.
“Yeah, well, you’re welcome. No problem.” I look from her to Klaus and back again. “Alright, well I’m going to leave you two dimwits to yourselves. See you later.” Then I blink away before either of them can respond.
It’s the next morning and I wake up early, but I don’t get up to meet her for coffee this time. I can’t keep torturing myself like this and pretending we have some sort of connection is just sad and pathetic. The truth is, she is with Klaus right now. Maybe they aren’t technically in a committed relationship, but she’s here in the apartment because of him, not me. And because they supposedly aren’t serious, that also means they will eventually tire of one another and one day she just won’t be here anymore. And it makes me fucking sick to even think about it.
Instead, I start thinking about her running into Klaus’s arms and kissing him yesterday. I hate how much that bothered me. I hate how much I wanted that to be me. I’m lying here in my bed, alone, and all I can think about is lifting her up in my arms, her body pressed to mine as she kisses me. It’s so fucking pathetic and yet, I can’t stop. I replay it over and over in my mind; her smile and her lips and the adorable way she would squeak if I squeezed her to me.
Soon, my pathetic little daydream has evolved into something much dirtier than a hug and kiss. I think about how her tits would feel pressed up against my chest. About how her firm ass would feel under my hands. And how badly I want her legs wrapped around my waist.
I groan sadly and palm my erection through my underwear. Fuck. Rather than sit and jerk off in my bed, I decide I should just head to the shower and kills two birds with one stone. The bathroom is directly across from my bedroom and I make the quick blink over so that I won’t have the humiliating experience of bumping into the person that’s responsible for my boner problem in the first place.
In the shower, my imagination runs wild. I obviously have never seen her naked, but I can certainly conjure up an image in my head that I decide is probably pretty close. I picture her straddling me, my cock deep inside of her, while she fucks me hard and fast. Those tits that I’ve only seen the outlines of through her t-shirts are bouncing up and down in front of my face and, Jesus Chris, it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. My hand is acting as a sad substitute for her tight cunt as I lean my head on my hand against the wall and close my eyes.
I imagine her moaning my name as she throws her head back and works her hips harder and faster on top of me. I can feel her soft flesh as my fingers dig into her sides and push her down; all the while thrusting my own hips up because I can’t get enough. As a final act of delusion, I throw her off of me and flip her over. I pound into her from behind, listening as she cries and sobs from the intensity of it all. I hear her pleading, telling me she’s sorry for ever wanting anyone else but me; that it will only be me from now on. I urge her on as I penetrate her harder, demanding she fucks only me from now on. She is mine and I’ll be goddamned if anyone else is going to touch her from here on out.
I’m only yours, Five…you’re all I want…all I need. I love—
“Hey, Klaus, have you seen my…Oh shit!”
The sound of her voice in real life has me floundering, trying to remember what the fuck is going on, and I turn around just in time to see her horrified face which mirrors mine. Our eyes lock for what has to be a fraction of a second, but feels like an eternity, and I see her glance briefly downward and then back up again.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she stammers, before quickly closing the shower curtain with a flourish.
I don’t know what to say or do, and there’s no time to do it anyway, as I stand there with my eyes wide and my dick in my hands. I hear the bathroom door slam shut and I’m left alone again. If I have felt shameful or embarrassed about any of my actions in the past, they are nothing compared with what I’m feeling now.
I want to die. I want to dissolve into liquid form and slip down the drain, washing away with all the other filth and disappearing into the sewers. I quickly contemplate my options. I’m a smart guy, I can come up with something. I could blink away and never return to this apartment ever again. Klaus might wonder what happened to me, but eventually he’d get over it. After all, it’s not the first time I’ve vanished without a trace. I could try some serious time travel again, maybe jumping backwards this time. Give the 1800s a try; live out the rest of my days doing something mundane like a blacksmith or a chimney sweep.
Instead, I just stand there, the shame and embarrassment washing over me. The most fucked up thing is that I’m still hard. I saw her face and her shock and it still didn’t dissuade my traitorous hormones. I need to finish and I’m horrified at the thought. Not horrified enough, though, because I start stroking myself again. I keep picturing her in my mind, even though I know she knows what I am doing and maybe that’s part of why I like it.
In some psychotic part of my brain, I like that she saw me jerking off. She doesn’t know that it was her I was thinking of, but I can start to convince myself that she might like it. She might like that I was fucking my hand to images of her naked body on top of mine. She might actually be flattered that I’m thinking of her riding me hard and fast and violently. That I’m imagining her moaning my name and coming around my cock.
A few more seconds of vigorous self-pleasuring and my hand is stilling as I unleash ropes of cum over my stomach and onto the shower floor. It mixes with the water and rushes down the drain as my eyes clench tightly shut and I groan as quietly as I can through gritted teeth. It’s bad enough she saw me in here, she doesn’t need to hear me, too.
After I am milked dry, and my breathing starts to slow again, I let go of my shrinking dick and wash myself off. I feel like the loser of the century. She’s probably out there right now, telling Klaus all about it and laughing. They’re probably discussing how sad I am and how much I really need to get a life. And they’d be right.
Once I’m cleaned off and dressed again, I listen closely from inside my room, trying to determine if she’s still here or not. After a while, I still haven’t heard signs of anyone else, and I figure the coast is clear. I blink out of my room and head towards the kitchen. I need a fucking drink and I don’t even care that it’s still morning. Anything to help erase this horrifying feeling.
In the kitchen, I’m looking through the cupboard where we keep the booze, trying to decide if it’s a vodka or a whiskey kind of morning, when I hear soft foot-steps and a gentle clearing of a throat. Fuck. Can I just get a fucking break once in a while? My spine stiffens and I think of just blinking out of there without even turning around, but then she starts talking to me.
“Hey, so…I am so sorry for busting in on you like that. Klaus had said he was going to take a shower, so I just assumed that was him in there, and I was looking for my slippers that I thought I left in the bathroom, and that was really stupid of me to just assume that…I am really very sorry, I would never have, if I had known it was you, obviously I wouldn’t have, but like I said, I thought it was Klaus, and…ugh…I’m sorry. I hope this isn’t going to make things weird.”
I almost laugh at her run-on sentence of stammering apologies. Almost. Instead, I grab a bottle of vodka and turn around with a glare.
“So, when exactly are you leaving?”
She hesitates. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when are you getting the fuck out of here? I realize you and Klaus are having fun playing house or whatever the fuck it is you do around here, but this is my apartment, too. In fact, it’s more mine than his, since I pay the bulk of the rent. And I don’t remember asking for a third roommate.”
I see a brief look of hurt cross her face before she is challenging back. “Look, just because I accidentally walked in on you, doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole about it. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed? I’m not embarrassed, sweetheart, so don't flatter yourself. And this has nothing to do with that. I’m just wondering when I can look forward to not seeing your face every time I turn around in my own goddamn house!”
She nods, her lips pursed together, and her hands on her hips. “Alright, Five, you win. I thought maybe we were beginning to be friends, but I can see that is not the case. I will do my best to stay out of your way. I’m sorry for any inconveniences I’ve caused you.”
After another few seconds of angry glaring, she turns around and leaves. I take the stopper out of the vodka and tip the entire bottle back, swallowing at least three full gulps before I can’t take the burning in my throat and stomach anymore. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I have to be a fucking dick to everyone, especially the people I care about. Well, I guess I should look on the bright side. I won’t have to worry about letting my true feelings out around her. Because now she wants nothing to do with me.
Chapter Three: Crazy Train
It was bad, there was no mistaking it. And it was all your fault; at least the beginning part. You certainly hadn’t meant to walk in on him in the shower. You really had assumed it was Klaus in there. You had been wrong. Very, very wrong. So, yeah, you really fucked that one up.
Things had been going so well, too. You were actually getting along and finding that you really liked spending time with Five. You assumed he liked spending time with you, too, even though he never came right out and said so. Although, with him, you doubted he would ever admit to that. But you knew he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered even speaking to you, let alone hanging out with you.
Even though you’re the one who did the unannounced shower barge-in, you still think he’s overreacting. Sure, you saw him completely naked, but it was only for a couple of seconds and it’s not like you haven’t seen a naked man before. And sure, you are like 99% positive he was banging out some knuckle babies while he was in there, but that part is not your fault. How were you to know there would be some salami slapping going on in there when you opened the curtain?
Now he’s pissed off at you and has gone back to his old, dickish ways. He’s barely acknowledging you anymore and he stopped coming into the kitchen for coffee in the mornings. You understand he’s probably embarrassed, but he should be able to get over it, for fuck’s sake. He’s always claiming he’s the mature one around here, but he sure as hell isn’t acting like it right now.
You definitely think he should be able to move on from that little incident, but you can’t seem to stop thinking about it, either. Although, not for the same reasons. It had only been a couple of seconds if that, but that image has been burned into your brain. And not necessarily in a bad way. In that tiny glimpse that you got, it did not disappoint.
You keep finding yourself staring off, lost in another inappropriate daydream, as you remember exactly what he had looked like. Wet, naked, and clearly aroused, it was enough of a picture to keep you occupied. If men have spank banks, what do you call it for women? Rub hub? Finger vault? Whatever it is, that image is in yours now. And, fuck, it’s a good one.
Klaus has an amazing body, there’s no doubt about that. He’s lithe and toned and has a cinched-in waist that you’re envious of. But when you saw Five’s body…holy shit. He’s a little more solid than Klaus, and his muscles are well-defined but not huge. His chest is smooth and firm, and his abs look like they’re cut from stone, all the way down to the soft line of hair trailing southward to the main event. From the quick peek you had gotten of the goods in his hand, he either somehow used his powers to beef himself up, or that may have been the one thing in his tragic life that he lucked out on. Because, damn. Combine that with a tight ass, the water cascading down his body, and his dark, wet hair pushed off his face, and that is definitely enough to give you some material for the next time you’re double-clicking your mouse.
It's a week after “the incident”, and you have just come back from work and it’s late. You haven’t been over to see Klaus in a few days because you’ve been so busy, but you decide to stop by because you know he’ll still be up. Plus, you’re feeling the need to get some sexual release that isn’t in the form of your hand or vibrator, and you know he’ll be up for that, too.
You don’t see Five anywhere, which is probably a good thing, and you and Klaus hang out in the living room for a while, having a couple of drinks and catching up. When you decide to head to the bedroom, that’s when Five makes his presence known. Loudly.
Mid-make out and partially undressed, the two of you hear the pounding bass and blaring guitar riff of AC/DC’s “Back in Black” coming from Five’s bedroom. He is blasting it at full volume and as much as you like listening to Brian Johnson scream at the top of his lungs, it’s not really setting the mood at the moment. You ignore it for a little while longer, trying to focus on Klaus’s hands working their way down between your legs. When it’s clear you’re not really into it, he stops.
“What’s wrong?”
You huff. “Seriously? Isn’t this annoying you, too?”
Klaus shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s not that bad. I like loud music, and Five has good taste.”
“Well, it’s distracting and you know he’s doing it on purpose. It’s just rude.”
“Just ignore it.”
He pulls you on top of him, and you straddle his waist. But when you lean down to kiss him again, it’s clear you are not going to be able to get your mind in the game; not with the walls shaking from the constant pulse of the mini-rock concert going on down the hall. You let out another frustrated growl.
“I’m going to go say something,” you tell Klaus, pushing yourself off of him.
He props himself up on his elbows. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
You roll your eyes. “Please. What’s he doing to do? I’m not scared of him.”
“Right, no, I know. Me either. But…”
“But, what?”
“You know, he’s just…testy.”
As you’re getting off the bed, you give Klaus an exasperated look. “He’s a big man baby is what he is. And I’m tired of his shit.”
Before Klaus can say anything more, you’re walking out the door and heading to the source of the music. The song has now switched over to “Crazy Train”. You pound on the door to Five’s room, waiting with your arms folded across your chest. That’s when you remember you are not wearing a bra. Or pants. You only have a loose-fitting t-shirt on and some ridiculous underwear with cartoon cats on them because you haven’t done laundry in a while and all your good panties are in the wash. Luckily, the shirt covers up most of your crotch area.
You’re not getting an answer, so you pound the door with your fist again. Mid-pound, the door swings open wide, the blaring music becoming even louder. Five is already in the middle of a rant.
“Klaus, I have told you a thousand fucking times, I do not have your lighter…oh.”
Five stops mid-sentence when he realizes it’s you. He’s standing there shirtless, with only his black pants on, belt unbuckled and hanging open. His hair is disheveled, and he seems to be swaying slightly; holding onto the door for balance. That’s when you notice he has a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He looks at you for a second, his hooded eyes slowly moving over your body with his mouth partially open before his face changes and he smirks.
He takes another swig of whiskey from the bottle before addressing you. “Something I can help you with, princess?”
You’re stunned into silence for a beat or two, trying to process the fact that you are once again blessed with another glimpse of his body, as well as the fact that he is drunk. You hesitate with your mouth hanging open like a moron, which Five obviously notices because he has that damn arrogant look on his face again. Finally, you snap out of it.
“Is there a reason you’re blaring your music that loud right now?” you demand.
“Yeah, there is. Because it’s my fucking room and I can do what I want in it.”
“God, you are such a dick! I know you’re doing it on purpose just to piss me off.”
Five shakes his head slowly and takes another drink. “Sorry to disappoint you, sweetheart, but not everything is about you. Pissing you off in the process is a definite perk, though.”
You ball your hands up at your side and grit your teeth. “I’m not buying any of your bullshit, Five. I know you’re mad at me, and that’s fine. But you’re acting like a fucking child right now!”
“I think you’re mistaken. I’m not the one who can’t stand to be alone for more than a few hours. I’m not the one that needs constant attention and validation from someone. So who’s the child now, hmm?”
“What are you talking about? I do not.”
He grins. “Oh yeah? Want to tell me what you’re doing here all the time then? Why you’re here when you have a perfectly good apartment of your own to go to? ‘Cause I bet it’s not because of my brother.”
That throws you off a little and you don’t immediately have a comeback. Five snorts derisively. You narrow your eyes.
“Fuck you!” you spit out.
Five raises an eyebrow and lets out a short laugh. “Ohhh…maybe that’s why you’re always here. Well, sorry, honey. Hate to disappoint you, but you’re not my type.”
With your own sarcastic smile, you shoot back. “I know I’m not, honey. From what I’ve seen, I’m guessing you prefer to take matters into your own hands if you know what I’m saying.” That seems to have shut him up and he stands there, clinging to the door frame with his hair hanging in his face. Before you let him think of another comeback you give him a tiny wave and turn around. “I’ll leave you and Mr. Daniels to it, then. Remember, Fivey, don’t go too hard at it. I hear carpal tunnel is a real bitch.”
As you walk away, you hear the door slam behind you. You’re irritated and pissed off. And now you are horny. How the fuck is that possible? Well, there’s a good solution for that, and it’s waiting in the other room for you. You stalk over to Klaus’s room, making sure to leave the door slightly ajar. Klaus is still on the bed on his back and he’s lit up a joint in the process. When he sees you enter, he sits up.
“Oh, good, you’re alive. How did that go?”
“Great,” you say under your breath.
Then you are pulling your shirt over your head and yanking your underwear off. You immediately climb onto the bed and over the top of Klaus, grabbing the joint and tossing it into the ashtray at the side of the bed. He’s shocked when instead of saying anything, you lean down, grabbing his face in both hands and forcefully kissing him. After a moment his hands are on your hips and he’s smiling against your mouth.
“That’s more like it,” he says before you’re devouring his mouth again.
You don’t want to talk and you don’t need any more foreplay. You just want to fuck. Hard and rough, and loud. Luckily, Klaus is already pretty fired up and you can feel him hard underneath you as you straddle him. He still has his briefs on, so you hastily tug them off. If he’s wondering why you’re all of a sudden trying to mount him like a wild dog in heat, he doesn’t say anything. He seems pretty happy when you line yourself up and sink onto his dick, letting it fill you up in one shove. You let out a whine before looking down at him.
“I want to fuck. Hard,” you tell him in between gasping breaths.
“Yeah, baby, fuck me as hard as you want,” he rasps before smacking your ass and giving you a sly smile.
“Don’t talk. Just fuck,” you instruct him.
He obviously doesn’t care that you’re ordering him around, because his hands are on your tits as you start riding him fast and hard. You don’t even work up to it, you’re just pounding yourself onto his cock and you can already feel the beads of sweat starting to form on your skin. You’ve never been this worked up in your life, and you have no idea why. That’s not true; you know exactly why. You just don’t want to admit it, even to yourself.
You squeeze your eyes shut as you work as hard as you can, thrusting your hips back and forth and grunting with the effort. Throwing your head back, you cry out as loudly as you can, practically screaming at the top of your lungs. If the neighbors can hear you, it probably sounds like you’re being murdered to the soundtrack of Ozzy Osbourne right now. You’re making as much noise as possible; crying, wailing, and begging for more. And it’s all on purpose because you want a certain someone to know what he’s missing out on. Klaus is either shocked into submission by your sudden change in demeanor, or he’s in heaven. Either way, he’s not saying anything.
With your eyes closed, and no voice attached to the body you’re penetrating yourself with, you start to imagine what you’ve been trying to push out of your mind. You might hate him at the moment and think he’s a total asshole, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to climb on top of him like a spider monkey and fuck his brains out.
In your mind, it’s not Klaus anymore, it’s Five. And you want more of him, even though that’s not physically possible. You run your hands down his perfect chest and abdomen, clutching at his thighs as you lean back to get a different angle. He’s watching you with those piercing eyes, looking up at you with that damn smirk of his.
“That’s right baby, fuck Daddy hard.”
Whoa, Daddy? Where the fuck did that come from? Shit, I have some real problems.
There’s no time to dwell on that psychological component because you just can’t get enough. His hands are on your hips and then on your ass, long fingers gripping tightly into you and pushing you even further down onto his cock. You’re still crying out, moaning loudly while you lean down to kiss him. You can feel his hand in your hair and his lips pressed against yours as you continue to rock into him.
“You feel so good, sweetheart. Don’t stop,” he’s saying in that husky voice of his.
“I need more,” you’re pleading and he laughs at you.
“Tell Daddy what you want, darling.”
Fuck, what is happening to me?
You don’t know what’s happening to you, other than you’re so fucking wet, you feel like you’re going to slide right off of Klaus’s dick and onto the floor. You open your eyes, stop your crazy thrusts, and abruptly climb off. Klaus lets out a hiss at the sudden loss of your warm, wet walls clenched around him.
“Fuck me from behind,” you pant, even as you’re already getting into position on your hands and knees.
“Shit,” he’s murmuring under his breath, but he doesn’t argue.
You feel him behind you and the anticipation is driving you crazy. When he slams into you, hips smacking against your ass and his hands pulling you backward hard and fast, you let out a sound that might be close to a sob. Your fists clench the bedsheets and from this angle, you don’t have to keep your eyes closed to slip back into your imaginary sex fantasy.
Five is behind you, plowing you so forcibly that it’s hard to keep yourself steady. It feels so fucking good, and everything you’ve been wanting. You don’t know how he’s weaseled his way into your head like this, but it probably has something to do with that goddamn body of his. Or his impossibly handsome face. Or those hands. Fuck, you want those hands on you and in you, and doing whatever else he pleases with them.
“Tell me,” he demands as he rams into you over and over again. “Tell me what you want. Let me give it to you.”
“Oh god…please…don’t stop fucking me!”
You’re not even sure if you said that out loud or not, but it doesn’t matter. His hand comes around to finger you while he rails you as hard as possible. You’re going to lose it any second now, you can feel it. His fingers are pressing against your clit and he continues talking to you inside your head; telling you everything you are dying to hear.
“You like it when Daddy fucks you like this, don’t you? When I fuck you so hard you can’t think straight?”
“Yes…yes,” you’re whining over and over again.
His hands are working their magic while his impressive cock is driving into your pussy. No one has made your body react like this before and you want to cry from the sheer overload of emotions.
“Let me hear you, sweet girl. You know what you want.”
“I want you! Oh fuck…you’re going to make me come,” you whimper.
“Say it again,” he snarls. “Say it again and scream my name when I make you come.”
“I want you! I want you so fucking badly. Please…keep fucking me…I need…oh god yes! Fii—fff-fuck!”
You catch yourself right at the last second as your orgasm rips through you, creating shocks of pleasure all throughout your body. Your muscles are contracting and your skin is hot and tingling. You are moaning like you are in pain and the sheets underneath you are balled tightly in your fists. There is a layer of sweat over your entire body and your breaths are coming out in ragged gasps. You are vaguely aware of Klaus behind you, gripping your hips while he lets loose with his own climax.
Several seconds pass while neither of you move. After a while, he pulls out and you fall onto your stomach, sprawled out and completely spent.
“Holy. Shit,” Klaus breathes out as he runs a hand down your back. “Where the hell did that come from?”
You laugh softly and push your hair out of your face. “I don’t know. I guess I was just a little wound up.”
“A little wound up? Shit, babe, I’m fairly certain the authorities have been alerted by several people in this building. In which case, I should probably hide some shit.”
You move your tired body and sit up, your legs shaking. You feel bad that you went a little crazy on him, especially considering the entire smutty movie that had been playing in your head the entire time. The one that didn’t involve Klaus in any way. You smile and shrug, then start moving off the bed to gather up your clothes.
“I know, that was a little over the top. Sorry.”
Klaus shakes his head and picks up the joint out of the ashtray you had thrown it in and takes a hit. After exhaling a cloud of smoke into the air, he studies you with creased eyebrows.
“Do not apologize for that. Ever.” Then he pauses before that sly grin starts spreading over his face. “Wait a minute, I know what was different. What probably lit a fire in your kitty cat panties. Old Fivey in there!”
You are in the process of tugging your shirt back over your head and your face isn’t visible to him, which is a damn good thing because it is probably beet red at the moment. You take an extra long time to pull it down over your head and you try and keep your composure.
“That’s ridiculous! I am not hot for Five!”
Klaus lets out a small giggle and shakes his head. “No, no, not like that. I meant I bet it was that crazy sexy hard rock he’s been pumping out of his room. Gets you all pumped up, too, doesn’t it? I don’t blame you though, fucking to loud music with a pounding bassline like that is amazing.”
You let out a sigh of relief and then laugh. “Yeah, you’re right, it does kind of get me going. That must have been it. Not to mention I haven’t been over in a while. I needed to let off some pent-up sexual frustration.”
Klaus bows and it’s hilarious because he’s still naked with a joint in his hand. “Glad to be of service, madam.”
You walk over and pat him on the butt. “Thank you. As always, you know how to deliver.”
“Do you want to stay here tonight?”
It had been your intention to head home for the rest of the night, but now that you’re here and Klaus is offering, you don’t really want to go back to your apartment alone. You like staying here in Klaus’s bed, with his body heat warming you up as you lie next to him, quietly chatting together until you drift off to sleep. Sometimes you’ll be on the very edge of sleep and he’ll whisper something so stupid and off the wall that you can’t help laughing and you’re awake again, with no hope of sleep after that.
But if you stay, that means Five was right about you. You really do come over because you don’t like being alone. You don’t need constant attention from anyone, that part is not true, but you like the companionship. Even if you and Klaus stopped having sex, you’d still want to come over all the time. You like hanging out with him and even on the occasions he’s not there, the apartment feels cozier and more lived in than yours. You have thought about getting a roommate, but all of your current friends are either in serious relationships or prefer to live alone. The thought of trying to advertise for a stranger to move in and then interview people to decide if you want to share your space with them seems exhausting. So, you’d rather just stay here as often as you can.
Even though you just mind-fucked him like crazy, you internally curse Five for reading you so correctly.
“Yeah, I’d like to if that’s ok.”
Klaus pulls on his underwear before flopping back on the bed. “Of course! You’re always welcome here, you know that.”
“Yeah, well, tell that to your brother. He’s been giving me a ration of shit lately about being around here so much,” you grumble as you crawl in next to him.
“I thought you two were getting along.”
“Well, we were, but then…” you almost let slip that you walked in on Five in the shower. You hadn’t told Klaus about that because you already felt bad for embarrassing the guy, you didn’t need to get anyone else involved. “I don’t know, I guess he changed his mind or something. Because now he definitely is not a fan of mine.”
Klaus frowns. “Hmm..well, that sucks. We should be the three amigos!”
“Pretty sure he does not want to be mi amigo at the moment.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Tell him to stop being such a grouch.”
“It’s ok, you don’t have to do that,” you protest.
“No, no, I want to. It’s important to me that he can get along with you. Five may be a scary, unhinged assassin who once threatened to kill me by describing in excruciating detail all of the steps he was going to take to do it. Like, he literally wrote them out on a yellow legal pad with graphics next to each one and handed it to me. I don’t remember the full list, but it involved a step ladder, some Elmer’s glue, and a toaster oven. Anyway, he may be scary like that, but he’s not all bad. He just needs to lighten up a little. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.”
You laugh. “What did you do to piss him off that time?”
Klaus rolls his eyes and sighs. “Oh, I don’t know. It wasn’t a big deal. I may have accidentally eaten a large number of mushrooms and decided to strip naked and crawl into bed with him in the middle of the night.”
“I mean, that’s pretty funny but it doesn’t sound that bad.”
“Well, no, that part isn’t. It was when I started violently humping him from behind and licking his neck that he kind of got a little uppity about it.”
You start laughing harder. “You humped him and licked his neck?!”
“Yeah. I don’t really remember a lot of it, but apparently, I had him in a pretty good death grip while calling him “Alberto” and demanding to speak with his manager. I guess he was able to blink away just in time before I unloaded my high fructose porn syrup all over his superhero jammies.”
You are laughing so hard at that image that tears are rolling down your cheeks. “Ok, I understand why he wanted to kill you, now. You kind of had it coming.”
Klaus waves a hand flippantly in the air. “Now you sound just like him.”
The next morning, you get up before Klaus, just like always. As you make your way to the kitchen, you can hear rattling around in there and you pause. You think about heading back to the bedroom just to avoid any confrontation, but then you change your mind. You’re not going to hide from him. As you walk in, there is Five, busy making coffee. He looks like shit and you smile a little to yourself. Good, serves you right.
“’ Morning, sunshine!” you exclaim cheerily, just to piss him off. “You’re up early. I figured you’d be sleeping the day away after your little one-man frat party last night.”
He turns to you with a look that you know is intended to intimidate, but is not quite working considering he looks like death warmed over. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair is a tangled mess, and he’s still wearing the rumpled pants you had seen him in last night. And of course, he has not bothered to put on a shirt again. Jesus, will this guy put some clothes on and give me a fucking break?
“Oh, good, it’s you. I was worried maybe you had decided to fuck off and leave me alone. But, nope, here you are again.”
You give a snort and sit down at the kitchen table. You’re not really sure why you’re still there, but you don’t want him to think he’s scared you off so you stand your ground. Instead, you say nothing but start humming Pink’s “U + Ur Hand” under your breath. You know Five hears you because you can see his shoulders tense and his hands flex. You smile to yourself.
When he turns to you again, his arms crossed over his bare chest and his hair in his face, he leans against the counter and eyes you up with a malicious grin. You really wish he weren’t so damn good-looking because it’s very hard to keep up your little show when all you are really thinking about is jumping on top of him.
“That was a nice little performance you gave last night, by the way. I had assumed you were the type to just lie there and have someone else do all the work, but good to know my brother is at least getting something out of it.”
You straighten up in your seat. “You’re welcome. I figured the least I could do is give you some material to work with.”
Five nods with a smirk, not taking the bait. He uncrosses his arms and grabs onto the edge of the countertop behind him, leaning back casually. You are immediately drawn to his sculpted chest and abs and your eyes drift over the many faded scars scattered over his body.
“I could say the same to you, love,” he says.
He throws you off your game with that statement. You’re mostly sure he’s just trying to be an asshole and get under your skin, but what if he does know? What if you yelled something out while you were imagining him fucking you so hard your teeth rattled in your head? When you were calling him Daddy and riding him like he was Sea Biscuit? You feel caught and your face must betray you because suddenly he’s not looking so smug anymore.
You are both staring at one another, not saying a word, but the passive-aggressive tension in the air has changed to something else. The look between you seems to last forever, and you can feel the warmth spreading up your neck and onto your face. And maybe a little between your legs, as well. Just then, the coffee that Five had been making is done and the machine beeps loudly, startling you both.
He looks away first and pulls down a mug from the cabinet. You are surprised to see him grab a second one. He fills them both and then sets one down on the table, sliding it over to you with a push so that it sloshes over the side.
“Thanks,” you mumble, as you pick it up.
“Sure,” he responds grudgingly, and you can tell it’s killing him to be even moderately polite right now.
After a minute or so of neither of you talking, it is starting to get awkward. Someone needs to say something or leave. Instead, you just sip your hot coffee and pretend the tabletop is incredibly interesting. You decide to chance it and you clear your throat, but you don’t look up.
“Look, I’m sorry, ok?” you say quietly.
It takes a few seconds, but he finally responds. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.”
You nod and glance up, meeting his eyes as he watches you with that all-encompassing intensity of his. His stare bores right through you and once again you feel frozen in time and for a minute you think he’s somehow doing that, but in reality, it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. He just has that hold over you somehow and you pray that he can’t see it. You watch as he looks away, closes his eyes, and pushes his hair back with one hand, giving you a good look at the tight muscles in his arms. Fuck. You cross your legs and take a sip of your coffee to try and hide the fact that you are on the verge of passing out right now.
At that exact moment, the weird energy in the room is broken by Klaus’s appearance. He floats in, wearing some sort of ugly satin robe that barely covers anything, but somehow he manages to pull off the look. He stops in the doorway and looks from you to Five and back again. Then he claps his hands and smiles.
“Yay! So, you guys are buddies again? Is that what I’m seeing here?”
Five rolls his eyes and sighs. You shrug your shoulders. “I guess so. Tolerating each other again, anyway,” you tell him.
Five gives a tight-lipped smile and holds his coffee mug up towards you in a toasting gesture and you do the same with yours. Neither of you say anything else on the subject.
“Well, let me tell you, that is a relief,” Klaus exhales. “I was not really looking forward to having to put the hammer down on you, Fivey.”
Five raises his eyebrows at Klaus. “Is that right? And how exactly were you planning on doing that?”
“By giving you a very stern warning, of course,” Klaus says with a smile, shaking his finger at Five. Then he walks over to get his own coffee. He looks Five up and down and then gives his arm a squeeze. “Damn, Cinco, you been working out or what? Looking pretty fine there, I must say.”
Five frowns and swats his hand away. “You’re so weird.”
You giggle into your mug and Five looks at you with a crooked smile. Then he snatches the full coffee pot out of Klaus’s hand. “As much as I’d love to spend the rest of my day in the company of you two intellectuals, I must take my leave. See you later.”
Klaus lets out a cry of protest as Five disappears in a flash, taking the coffee with him, and leaving his brother with an empty mug.
You try to hide your laughter as Klaus looks at you in disbelief.
“Well, that was rude,” he says in a huff.
With a shrug, you get up and pour some of your coffee into his cup. “Yeah, but I’ve come to realize that rude is Five’s love language.”
Klaus pouts. “He must love us a lot, then.”
With a smile, you think to yourself how much that statement is probably true. If Five doesn’t care about you, he’s not going to waste his time and energy to speak to you, even if it is in the form of an insult. It makes you feel good inside to know that he probably really does like you, at least a little bit. If not, he just wouldn’t bother with you at all; he’d avoid you like the plague. And you like knowing that. You like it a lot, actually.
Once again, you find your mind drifting off. And once again, it’s filled with images and scenarios starring one very sexy, teleporting ex-assassin.
Chapter Four: Love In The Time Of Cholera
“Jesus, what’s the matter with you?”
Five walks into the apartment to find you huddled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and shivering.
“Nothing. It’s just a cold I think,” you answer between chattering teeth.
Five strides over to the couch and leans in to peer down at you, squinting slightly. He stands up straight and crosses his arms over his chest, flicking the hair out of his eyes with a superior shake of his head.
“I don’t think that’s just a cold. You look like shit.”
“Gosh, thanks, Five. Charming, as always,” you snap back. Or at least, it would have been a snap had you not just started coughing violently, your entire body shaking with the effort.
Five’s eyebrows furrow together. “Have you taken your temperature?”
You shrug. “No.”
With a heavy sigh, Five leaves the room, returning a minute later with a thermometer in hand. He presses the button and when it beeps, he holds it out for you. You eye it and him suspiciously.
Five jabs it towards you again when you don’t reach for it. “Take it.”
“How do I know you or Klaus haven’t used that to take your temperature in other ways besides orally?”
Five rolls his eyes. “I keep this in my room, away from Klaus for just that reason, and I can assure you it has never been used in my or anyone else’s ass.”
After another sigh from Five and another dubious look at the thermometer, you relent and take it from him. You place it under your tongue and you both wait in silence for what seems to take forever before you hear the beep again. Before you can take it out, Five reaches down and removes it from your mouth for you, frowning at the digital display.
“104.3. You’re burning up.”
You shiver again, wrapping the blanket around you tighter. “Great.”
Five is quiet for a moment, and then he glances around the room. “Where’s Klaus?”
You shrug again, and it reminds you how much your muscles are aching. “I don’t know. I came here right from work since it was closer than my place and I was feeling pretty crappy. I texted him to let him know I’d be here, but so far I haven’t seen him. He didn’t answer my text, either.”
You figure Five is probably more than annoyed with having you here without Klaus, and spreading your germs around his apartment in the process. With a guilty look, you start to stand up.
“Sorry, I’ll go. I’ve rested a bit, so I should be ok to walk home.”
As you stand, you are overwhelmed by a bout of dizziness and you sway on your feet, your vision blurring. Five reaches out to catch you around your waist and you let him take most of your weight. When your vision returns and you can stand, you look up at him to find he actually looks concerned rather than his usual expression of deep irritation. His facial features are softer and his hair is in his face again. His eyes scan over your face, lingering on your lips before meeting your eyes. Your legs are bearing your full weight now, but he still has his arms around you.
You clear your throat. “Or…I can get a cab.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he says, although it’s missing the usual snark he reserves for you. “You obviously are too sick to go anywhere.”
Five lets you go and you both stand there awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.
“So…you want me to stay here?” you ask weakly.
“Well, I wouldn’t say I want you to stay here, but I’m also not sending you off on your own while you’re half dead.” He manages a small smile that appears genuine. “You need someone to look after you.”
You try to hide your shock but your eyebrows raise. “And you’re going to look after me?”
He looks away briefly before sighing dramatically again. “Until Klaus comes back. Then you’re his problem.”
A slight smile twitches at the corner of your mouth. You can’t believe Mr. Crab Ass is being this soft. Soft for him, anyway. And you can’t believe he’s willing to take care of you. You’re trying to picture him as a caregiver, though, and it’s like your brain isn’t computing.
“Ok,” you say softly. “Thank you.”
“Come on,” he says, holding out his hand. “I need to get you into bed.”
Despite the pounding headache in your skull, you start giggling as Five realizes what he said, and his face flushes.
“That’s not…you know what I mean,” he stammers. “You can lie down in Klaus’s bed.”
You nod, still smiling and take his hand. It’s warm and dry against your clammy one, but he doesn’t seem to care. Even though your head feels like it’s filled with mashed potatoes, you still feel a little zing through your body at the sensation of his touch. You know he’s strong and he can kill a man with these same hands if he needed to, but he holds yours gently.
He gets you situated in Klaus’s bed, with an extra blanket thrown over the comforter to keep you warm against your chills. He brings you medicine to bring down the fever, and a glass of water to keep next to the bed. He places a cold compress on your forehead and dims the lights so you can rest, slipping quietly out of the room after he makes sure you’re comfortable.
As he leaves, you notice he hesitates near the door and takes a look back at you before he goes. You’re not quite sure how to interpret the look, mostly because you’ve never seen him like that before. He looks…sad? Concerned? You’re not sure, but whatever the meaning behind it has your heart racing just a little faster.
Even with Five’s continued care, your fever remains and you somehow manage to feel even shittier as the day goes on. Your entire body aches, right down to your bones, and you’re so exhausted you can hardly keep your eyes open. You’re sweaty and shivering and every time you cough it feels like fire in your lungs. You might even be hallucinating, because each time you wake up and open your eyes, Five is there. He usually has some amused look on his face, like you just said something interesting or funny, but you’re pretty sure you’ve only been sleeping.
At one point you wake and he’s not in the chair across from the bed like he has been, but you can hear him out in the hall. He’s talking to someone and he does not sound happy. He sounds like you’re used to him sounding. All frustration and rage.
“What do you mean you’re not coming home?” he spits out. There’s a pause. “And like I told you , she’s sick.” Pause. “No, dickhead, like really sick! You need to get your ass back here and act like a fucking adult—” Pause. “Because she’s your girlfriend!” he yells, and you can practically hear his jaw clenching from the other room.
There’s another long pause and you can hear him pacing back and forth. He laughs sarcastically at whatever has been said to him on the other end.
“Yeah, great idea…you stay there and enjoy yourself. I’ll take care of her. Just like I take care of everything else around here.”
He must have hung up because you hear him muttering angrily to himself. “Fucking, self-absorbed asshole! I’m not sure why I expected anything different. Fuck!”
After a minute or two, Five comes back into the room. He’s obviously still upset but is trying to cover it up. Seeing that you’re awake, he comes to stand next to the bed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“So, I got ahold of Klaus finally,” he tells you.
“Yeah, I figured that part out.” You smile weakly up at him. “And it also sounds like he’s not coming home?”
Five rubs the back of his neck. “It appears not. Not for a couple of days, anyway. Seems like he went with a random group of people he met at a club last night and he somehow ended up in Toronto, the fucking jackass. Without a valid passport! Only Klaus would somehow figure out how to cross international borders on charm alone. Either that, or he blew the border guard.” His voice softens and he looks down at you. “I’m sorry he’s not here.”
“That’s ok. I think I’d rather have you here taking care of me, anyway. Klaus is usually much more interested in taking care of Klaus.”
Five gives a short laugh and shakes his head. “What the hell do you two have in common, anyway?”
“Well…” you smile knowingly, even though just that motion of moving your cheek muscles hurts.
“Ok, no, please don’t finish that sentence. I’m sorry I asked.”
Throughout the next day and night, Five continues to care for you. You’re not really sure why he’s so invested in making sure you’re ok, but you never question him. Instead, you let him fix your covers, and take your temperature, and bring you cold drinks. He makes you soup and watches to make sure you eat all of it. It’s absolutely hilarious to see him like a mother hen, fussing over you and scolding you when you don’t take his directions.
Even though you’re not well enough to leave yet, you are starting to feel a little better. Enough that you’re able to get up and take a hot shower. While you’re in there, Five takes the opportunity to change the sheets on the bed and he helps you back in when you’re clean and feeling more like a human again. Once you are all set up in bed again, you are able to sit up and stay awake, which is more than you’ve been able to do over the past 24 hours. Five stands there at the side of the bed awkwardly.
“I’m really sorry for all of this,” you tell him. “Thank you for taking care of me, though. I had no idea you made such a good nurse.”
Five scoffs, but there’s a small smile there. “Yeah, well…you shouldn’t be. I’m good at everything, remember? Also, I’m not that heartless.”
“I never thought you were heartless. Maybe a little bitchy, but never heartless,” you say with a smile.
“Well, you’re about the only one, so thanks I guess. Although, I’m not sure being described as bitchy is any better.”
You start to laugh, but it turns into a racking cough, and Five looks at you with concern.
“All right, enough talking. You should really go back to sleep.”
You shake your head as you wipe at your watery eyes. “I’m sick of sleeping. Entertain me.”
“Entertain you? Jesus, here I am busting my ass to make you better and now I have to entertain you, too?”
He’s trying to sound aggravated, but he’s not quite pulling it off.
“But I’m borrreddd,” you whine dramatically.
“Christ, fine, I will find something to entertain you, as long as you stop fucking whining like that.”
You smile with satisfaction since you got your way and Five tries his best to look unamused.
“I have lots of books; do you want to read?”
You nod. “What do you have?”
“Fuck, I don’t know, I’m not going to list off an entire library of titles for you. What do you like to read?”
After thinking for a minute, you answer, “I doubt you have any, but I like classic romances.”
Five smiles slowly. “Well, then you’re in luck because I happen to also like classic romances.”
You almost start coughing again with surprise. “What? You? Number Five ‘Hard-Ass’ Hargreeves loves romance novels?”
“I am a very romantic person, I can’t believe you’ve never noticed,” he says with a hand on his chest.
“Oh my god, well now I’ve heard everything. Alright, then, Mr. Romance; what do you have for me to read?”
He leaves for a few minutes, returning with a paperback novel in his hand. He holds it up for you to see the cover.
“Love In The Time of Cholera?” you read.
“It’s fitting, don’t you think?” he answers with a smirk.
“I don’t think I have cholera.”
“Well, maybe not but you have something just as disgusting. The plague, maybe. But this was the only book I have that includes both a deadly disease and romance.”
“I haven’t read that one, but wasn’t it written in the 1980s or something? Is that considered a classic already?”
“Look, do you want to read the fucking book or not?”
You nod with a smile. “Yes, please.”
Five steps closer to the bed and holds out the book for you to take it, but you don’t move. Instead, you look up at him with the saddest expression you can manage and poke out your bottom lip.
“I don’t know if my eyes will be able to read such small print in my weakened state. Will you read it to me?” You bat your eyelashes dramatically.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Five sighs. “Read to you? Are you a child?”
“Please? Come on, what else are you doing? Nothing.”
After another huff and a sigh that isn’t very convincing, Five throws his hands up. “Fine! I’ll read you the stupid book. But you better sit there and be quiet and not interrupt.”
You nod obediently and then pat the empty side of the bed next to you. You were halfway kidding, but after a look at the bed and then back to the chair and then back to the bed again, Five walks around to the other side and climbs in, propping himself up beside you. If his heart is pounding just a little faster from the proximity like yours is, he hides it well.
“Will you do different voices for the characters?” you giggle.
“Shut up. Also, you have a booger hanging out of your nose and it’s making me sick. Get a tissue,” he grumbles.
After blowing your nose and using the hand sanitizer that Five holds out to you, you settle into the covers. But not before you take your index finger and poke him right in his cheek dimple. “I’m ready now.”
He bats your hand away with a scowl as you snort from trying to hold in a laugh with your stuffed-up nose.
“You are such an idiot,” he tells you with a shake of his head, trying to hide a smile.
Five turns to the book and starts reading while you lie next to him. Pretty soon the sound of his voice has you closing your eyes and you sink deeper into the covers. When you hear him stop, you open your eyes and peer up at him.
“Why did you stop?” you ask blearily.
“You were sleeping.”
You close your eyes again and sigh. “Keep reading, even if I fall asleep. I like listening to your voice. It’s nice.”
Even though you can’t see him, you think you hear a breathy little laugh. “Ok,” he says softly, before continuing on with the story.
You doze off again, and when you wake up the sun is lower in the sky and the room is dim. Your eyes adjust to the darkness and you see Five is still there. The book is closed and lying to the side and he is asleep on his back next to you. Then you see that your arm is flung over his stomach and you freeze. He’s still sleeping soundly, so you slowly take your hand back, but not before making sure you get a good feel of his hard abs under your palm. You look at his face and see that it’s softer, his forehead uncreased, with his dark lashes fanned over the tops of his cheeks. His lips are parted just slightly while he breathes deeply and for a very brief moment, you think about running your fingers over them to see if they’re as soft as they look. Instead, you clear your throat and he stirs.
When Five looks over at you, you smile shyly at him. “I think we both fell asleep.”
He runs a hand down his face and looks around him. “Yeah, I guess we did.” He turns back to you. “How are you feeling?”
You nod. “Better, actually, thank you. And thank you for reading to me. I missed some of it, but I liked what I heard of it so far. And I get the gist that this guy in the book is going to start whoring his way around the world because of his unrequited love?”
Five laughs. “Pretty much, yes.”
“Guys are disgusting no matter what time period they live in, I guess.”
Five raises one eyebrow at you. “You do realize whose bed you are currently sleeping in, right? Probably the most disgusting one of them all.”
You frown. “Klaus isn’t that disgusting. He’s just…free.”
Five gives a snort of derision. “Is that what you call fucking your way through several different timelines, including, but not limited to, an entire congregation of his own cult members?”
You feel your face turning red from embarrassment at being one of the many in Klaus’s little trail of conquests, but you already knew that and hadn’t cared before. So, why is it bothering you now? Why do you care what Five thinks? Instead, you change the subject.
“So, you asked me what I have in common with Klaus, but what about you? Why do you live together if he seems to be a constant source of irritation for you?”
Five is quiet for a minute and he sits up in the bed and for a second you think he’s going to leave. But he just leans against the headboard and looks back down at you with a sad smile.
“You’re right, he drives me fucking crazy and I would most definitely prefer to live on my own.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“Because Klaus is a hazard to himself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Even when we were kids, he was constantly getting into trouble. Whether he was getting bullied by some dickheads on the subway or being used by my father in some horrible way, he was always getting hurt. Both physically and mentally. He’s just too damn trusting. When I was there, I would stand up for him. If I saw him getting pushed around or harassed in some way, then you could bet that whoever was responsible was getting their ass kicked. At home, there wasn’t much I could do about that, but he would come to my room when he was scared or upset and I’d let him hang out as long as he wanted, just to let him talk and calm down. When I left, among a million other things that haunted me during those years, I felt terrible that I had left Klaus unprotected.”
You stare up him, and you can see the hurt on his face as he’s remembering all of this.
“After I came back, I couldn’t believe how far he’d fallen. I know you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s choices, but I kept thinking maybe he would have been ok if I hadn’t jumped. Then, almost right off the bat, he gets kidnapped and tortured by people that were looking for me and then accidentally fucks off to Vietnam to earn himself some more trauma and heartache. Instead of protecting him, I was causing him more pain and suffering and I’d hardly been back in his life for more than a couple of days. So, after a few more screw-ups and a grand old time in the 1960s, here we are again. I know what he’s been through and it’s a lot.”
“So, you decided to live with him to watch out for him? To try and protect him again?”
Five nods. “I know Klaus isn’t stupid. And he’s a survivalist, just like me, so I’m not saying he can’t get along without me. I just feel that I owe him something, at least. And the only thing I can really offer him these days is to try and look out for him. Maybe stop him from making mistakes that will end up causing him more harm in the end. Like taking too many drugs, sleeping with dangerous people, or getting stranded in Canada with strangers. So, as you can see, I’m doing a real bang-up job.”
You smile up at him. “I don’t think that’s your fault.”
Five frowns. “Well, anyway, there you have it. He drives me fucking crazy and makes me want to put his head through a wall most days, but if I’m here then at least I can keep an eye on him.”
“So, am I one of these dangerous people you want to keep him from sleeping with?” you ask just to be a smart-ass and maybe a little flirty.
He gives you a look you don’t know how to interpret. “You are most definitely dangerous, but not in the way you might think.”
You’re not sure how to answer that as you feel your cheeks blush. “You’re a good big brother.”
“Not really.”
You rest your hand on top of Five’s, giving it a light squeeze and he looks down at it. “No, I mean it, Five. You’re a really good brother to him.” And you do mean it.
He swallows hard and looks you in the eyes, holding your gaze for a long time. He gently strokes his thumb against the side of your hand, and it’s the most contact you’ve ever gotten from him. It’s only an instant before he’s taking his back again.
He shakes his head and his voice is almost a whisper when he speaks. “You don’t understand. I’m really not.”
After another awkward moment, he clears his throat and moves off the bed. He pauses in the doorway and turns back to you.
“I’ll bring you something to eat, ok?”
You nod. “Thank you.”
Then he’s gone and you’re left lying there wondering what the hell just happened between you two.
************************************
I thought I had finally gotten my shit together. After that little setback when she caught me beating my meat in the shower and I turned into a giant asshole, we had been back on friendly terms. And I had told myself to stop being a delusional creep and fantasizing about things that weren’t ever going to happen. So far, I have been doing pretty well. Then she got sick.
Normally, the only reason I would care whether or not someone was sick would be so that I could stay away from them. I have dealt with more than my fair share of horrible illnesses and injuries in my life and managed to come out of them mostly unscathed and with no one else’s help. So it’s hard for me to feel too much sympathy for folks with access to advanced medical care and simple things like aspirin or Neosporin. I lost track of how many times I would have killed just for some Imodium and a bottle of Gatorade after eating some not-so-great canned food.
As soon as I saw her all miserable and shivering from a fever like that, though, my heart couldn’t stand it. All I wanted to do was make her feel better and I didn’t care if I was exposed to her germs or not. I would have taken all of them if it meant she’d feel well again. That’s how much she’s gotten to me.
My first instinct was to bring her into my bed, but I quickly changed my mind. I didn’t want it to seem like I was hinting at anything or being a weirdo, so I opted for the better choice of Klaus’s bed. Even though the thought of her being in there, no matter the purpose, leaves me with a gnawing feeling in my stomach. But that’s ok, the only thing that mattered was that she was cared for.
Those first 24 hours were interesting, to say the least. I’m still not quite sure what to think about it. She was feverish and exhausted, and she started hallucinating and talking in her sleep. At first, I didn’t think much of it. It’s not abnormal for people with high fevers to experience these things. But when I didn’t leave her side except to get her more medicine or anything else she needed, she must have realized I was there even if she wasn’t totally in her right mind. She started talking to me, but it didn’t make sense. At least, I told myself it didn’t make sense. Because I don’t want to acknowledge the very unrealistic notion that it may have been her true feelings.
“It’s you,” she had said weakly, her eyes barely open as I sat in the chair across from her.
“Yeah, it’s me. Did you need something?”
She shook her head very slowly and her eyes closed again. “No…I mean…it’s you, Five. It’s always you.”
I didn’t how to take that or how to respond, so I didn’t say anything and she drifted back into a sound sleep.
It had turned dark outside and I hadn’t bothered to turn on a light in the room, but I was still sitting there and I had almost fallen asleep myself. Then I heard her speak again.
“Five?”
I got up and went to her side, and even in the dark, I could tell that she wasn’t completely awake or lucid. She had a sheen of sweat on her forehead from the fever and I placed my hand on her head, hoping the coolness of my skin would feel good. She sighed and smiled.
“You’re hot,” I told her, obviously meaning the temperature of her forehead.
She had laughed dreamily, her eyes still closed. “So are you.”
I took my hand away and smiled down at her, deciding to go ahead and tease her even though I knew she wasn’t with it. “Oh yeah? I think you’re just saying that so I’ll continue waiting on you hand and foot.”
“Nooo…like soooo hot. Can you not be so hot all the time? It’s not fair. With no shirt…"
It was like talking to a drunk person, which I have lots of experience in, from both points of view, and I laughed again. “Ok. Go back to sleep.”
She had turned over on her side and curled up, facing away from me, but she was still mumbling out loud.
“Ok…I’ll do whatever you say, Daddy,” she giggled.
After that, she was back into a deep sleep and I just stood there, frozen in place and trying not to read too much into that. The logical explanation was that she was dreaming about her father in a completely innocent way. However, the other, less plausible one would be that she meant it in a totally different and very naughty way. A way that if I thought about it too much was going to cause me some major problems in the crotch department of my pants. And she had said I was hot, too. Which again, I chocked up to her fever, but still. I didn’t mind hearing it.
The third such incident had happened in the middle of the night. I was asleep and had been for some time. She seemed to be resting peacefully, but I still didn’t want to leave the room just in case she needed something if she woke up. I was still in the chair when I was awoken by her nonsensical ramblings again.
“Why don’t you?”
I rubbed my eyes and got up, standing next to her to make sure she was ok and was going to fall back asleep again. In the dark, she must have sensed me, because she reached out and took my hand and pulled me towards her. She hardly had any strength, so I didn’t have to move, but I did anyway and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Why don’t you?” she asked again, her voice thick with sleep and her hand still latched onto mine.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t like me,” she answered softly.
I didn’t really know if she was talking to me or not inside of her head, but I decided to answer her. “I do like you.”
“Good,” she murmured, and then she was quiet again. I was about to get up and go back to my chair when she started talking again. “I like it when you call me that, you know.”
I frowned. I had no idea what she was talking about. “Call you what?”
“Sweetheart,” she whispered and in the dark I could make out a smile on her face.
My heart just about jumped out of my chest. But then again, maybe she hadn’t even meant that for me. Maybe she was talking about Klaus, or someone else. Maybe it was all a weird dream and it didn’t mean anything rational at all.
I couldn’t resist, though. I took my hand from hers and touched the side of her face, running my thumb over her warm cheek. “Ok, sweetheart,” I said softly and my voice cracked. It was the first time I had said that without being a sarcastic jerk.
She smiled again and then burrowed deeper into the covers with a sigh. “Five…”
I wanted to die right there on the spot. I hated that I was letting myself create this little fantasy world for the two of us. All of these things she was saying meant nothing. She was delusional and not in her normal mindset. These things were most likely complete gibberish and had no bearing on anything. She was probably saying my name because I was right there and she had heard my voice. Or, more likely, she was telling me off in some dream she was having where I was being my usual pleasant self.
But that tiny little possibility for any of that to be true…that was all I could think about. And damn, it was driving me crazy.
When she had fallen asleep while I was reading to her, I kept going for a while because she had said she liked hearing my voice. But when I was sure she was deep enough asleep that she wouldn’t notice, I stopped. I should have left then, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched her sleeping for a while; noticing the rise and fall of her chest and the way her lips were slightly parted as she breathed in a steady rhythm. I wanted to pull her next to me and hold her. I wanted to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. I didn’t do those things, but I did stay where I was. I laid there next to her, comfortable and warm and I didn’t want that moment to end. I loved it.
Now it’s two days later and my stupid ass brother still hasn’t shown up. Not that I’m really complaining, but I’m sure she wishes he were here. I meant it when I said I know I’m not a good brother to him. I’ve let him down many times in the past and now I’m lusting after his “non-girlfriend.” Pretty shitty if you ask me. Still, he should be here. Leave it to Klaus to up and abandon her when she needs him the most. Although, she had said she was happy I was here for her.
She is feeling better, at least, and is up and around more. We have developed a kind of routine and have fallen into a comfortable companionship. I know she likes chicken and rice soup and not chicken and noodle. She prefers Sprite over ginger ale and her favorite tea is chamomile. She loves the movie Grease and hates any and all sports movies. And of course, she loves classic romance novels.
I’ve continued reading the book to her, even though she’s well enough to continue reading it herself. She said she likes listening to me and I like doing anything that makes her happy. She still can’t get over the fact that the main character in the book ends up banging 622 women during his decades-long fuck-a-thon.
We are nearing the end of the book today and I’m sitting on the couch with my feet on the coffee table (I know…hypocrisy at its finest). She is sitting next to me when she scoots over and lays her head on my shoulder.
“What’s this?” I ask, trying to act annoyed, when of course I couldn’t be happier.
“I want to see the pages while you read. Make sure you’re not skipping anything to get to the end faster.”
I roll my eyes. “I promise I am not skipping anything. What do you take me for?”
“A cynical bastard?”
She looks up at me with a grin and I do my best to look irritated. “Do you want to finish this damn book or not?”
“Yes, darling.”
It’s heavy with sarcasm, obviously, but I still get a little rush when I hear her say it. I want so badly to lean my cheek against her head, feeling the softness of her hair against my skin. Instead, I sigh heavily and open the book.
“Hey, wait, so we’re almost to the end now and Florentino has been whoring around for a long time. I forget, how long has it been exactly?”
“51 years, 9 months, and 4 days.”
“Damn,” she says with a chuckle. “That’s a really fucking long time to wait around. Even if you are banging a bunch of people along the way. I mean think about it. That’s like…5 decades just…putting your life on pause. Can you imagine? God, I’d go insane.”
I’m suddenly very uncomfortable since that statement hit a little too close to home. I shift in my seat and the movement makes her lift her head and look up at me. I don’t meet her eyes, though.
“Oh, shit,” she gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. “I am so sorry, Five. I didn’t mean—"
“It’s fine.”
“No. No, I just forgot and that was a really insensitive thing for me to say, and…god dammit, I always do stupid shit like this. I’m always just blurting things out without thinking about what I’m saying.”
“Really. It’s ok,” I assure her.
She lets out a frustrated exhale and she’s starting to mess with her fingernails like she always does when she gets nervous. 
“Hey,” I say, putting my hand on her leg. “You don’t have to feel bad. I’m not offended. And it’s true, you would go insane. I can vouch for that.”
She looks down at my hand on her leg and I quickly take it back. When she looks at me, her eyebrows are drawn together in concern.
“Can I ask you something, then?”
“Sure.”
“So, I know all about your ‘accident’ or whatever you want to call it. Klaus told me everything and it’s just so awful, Five. The fact that you are here and functioning and not locked up in a looney bin somewhere is nothing short of amazing.”
I let out a short laugh. “Thanks, I guess? Although some days I feel like I should be locked up. But that usually just has to do with having to deal with my moronic family.”
She doesn’t laugh at my joke to deflect, and instead, she continues looking at my face with not exactly pity, but something close to it. It makes me uneasy.
“Ok, well, anyway, there’s something I’ve wanted to know. Have you…have you ever been in a relationship with anyone? Like romantically?”
Well, if I felt uneasy before it’s nothing to how I’m feeling now. I would like to sink down in between these couch cushions and smother myself to death. How am I supposed to answer that without sounding like a fucking lunatic? Then again, if anyone would understand, it’s probably her.
I clear my throat and rub the back of my neck. “That’s kind of a loaded question.”
“Is it?”
"Well, the short answer is yes. I was in a serious relationship for a very long time. Decades, in fact. But that ended a few years back.”
“Oh…I thought you were alone that whole time. So you had a partner?”
“Yes, you could say that. Dolores was more than my partner, though. She was all of the things I needed when I wanted to give up. She was my rationality, my calm in a storm, my teacher and my friend. She taught me love, patience, and perseverance above all odds. She was my entire world and the main reason I’m still standing here today. She was my everything and the love of my life.” I pause and I look her directly in the eyes. “And she was made up entirely of my imagination and a department store mannequin. But she was very real to me.”
She blinks a few times and I can tell she is trying to process all of that. And I can’t blame her. What is the appropriate response to that? If you’re a dick, you laugh. If you’re some sappy, bleeding heart with no control over your emotions, you cry. But if you are a normal, sympathetic person with actual brains, then it gets complicated.
“Five, I…I don’t know what to say. That’s…”
“Sad? Disturbing? The most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard?”
“Beautiful.”
I look at her in disbelief. “What?”
“If she was all of those things to you, then that means you are all of those things. You are the reason you persevered and survived all those years. Because you made sure of it in the only way you knew how. And Dolores was the vessel that helped you compartmentalize everything, letting you deal with the horrors of your reality while still maintaining all of the good parts that are inside of you. It’s brilliant, actually. And hopelessly romantic.”
“No one has ever interpreted it in that way before. Although to be honest, I haven’t really told many people. In fact, come to think of it, outside of my siblings, you are the only one I’ve told.”
“Wow, really? Thank you.”
She sounds sincere and I know she is not judging me. I am very protective of Dolores and if she had said something flippant or thoughtless, I would have defended my lady love. But she didn’t. She understands. Which just makes me want her more.
“You’re welcome.”
“Ok, so other than Dolores, have there been other women in your life?”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “Yes, there have been. Not many, but a few. And none of them were relationships to speak of.”
She smiles. “Ah, I see. A slew of one-night stands to make up for lost time?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “More like a select few professional dancers.”
She makes a cringey face. “Yikes. I guess that can be fun in its own way, though. Bringing home some hot strippers maybe isn’t a bad way to spend a Friday night.”
“Oh, no, I never brought them home. Or even left the club, actually.” Her raised eyebrows have me laughing. “It is in my personal experience that the adage of ‘there’s no sex in the champagne room’ is not entirely true.”
She draws in a dramatic gasp with a big grin on her face. Then she slaps me on the arm. “Five Hargreeves, you are a giant slut! I can’t believe you give Klaus shit all the time when you’re going around banging strippers in the back of the clubs. What did they do, lure you back there with lap dances? How much does it cost to bone a stripper these days?”
“I never said I paid for it,” I say with a smirk.
“Whoa whoa whoa…hold on. Let me see if I’m understanding this correctly. You go to a strip club, probably buy a couple of drinks, maybe get a couple of dances, and they just magically take you into the champagne room and let you rail them?”
I shrug and drape my arms across the back of the couch. “That’s pretty close, yeah.”
Her mouth is hanging open and I know I’m acting like an arrogant prick, but I don’t care. Her reaction is too funny. It’s also all true.
“Holy shit.” She shakes her head with a smile. “Well, I hope you know that is not the normal experience for most guys. And the fact that it sounds like this has happened more than once leads me to believe you must be doing something extremely right in that room because girls like to talk.”
“Is that right?” I say with one eyebrow raised.
She nods. “I’m not entirely surprised. After I was able to get a quick preview of what you’re working with down there, I have no doubt you left these ladies with some major organ damage and a big smile on their faces.”
Now my mouth is hanging open in shock, but before I can stammer out some words, she starts laughing. It’s immediately contagious and I join her, and I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. It feels good and it almost erases the crushing feeling inside when I think about how I never want this time with her to end. Almost.
Chapter Five: Bizarre Love Triangle
The next day you are back to feeling normal again, and you should be going. You’ve missed a few days of work and you really need to get back there. But you don’t; you stay. You like the little infirmary Five has created for you. You feel safe and cared for, and if you leave that feeling will be gone.
Klaus decides to return sometime during the afternoon. He breezes in, smelling of cigarettes and unwashed clothes, with a smile on his face and seemingly not a care in the world. You are annoyed, sure, but you secretly don’t even care that he’s been gone. And it’s just so hard to stay mad at him because it’s Klaus. He is who he is and it’s no surprise, really.
Five, however, finds nothing amusing about it. You stand there and watch as he loses his ever-loving shit.
Barely two minutes after Klaus is in the door, Five is appearing in front of him in an angry swirl of light, already leaning in with bared teeth and clenched fists.
“Where the fuck have you been?” he growls in Klaus’s face.
Klaus, always immune to his brother’s rage, raises a hand to his head and closes his eyes. “Shhh…Fivey…please, can you keep the screaming to a dull roar? My skull feels like it’s breaking in two.”
“It is going to be breaking in two when I’m through with you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you have any decency? She has been on death’s door for the past two days and you don’t bother to come home or even call to check in?”
Five is gesturing to you while you stand off to the side, not sure whether you should be jumping in or not. You don’t really appreciate being talked about like you aren’t there, but you’ve never seen Five this worked up before and it’s intimidating, to say the least.
Klaus sighs dramatically and looks over to you. “I’m sorry. You’re ok now, though, right?”
“Uh, yeah, I am…”
“See? She’s ok, so no harm done,” he tells Five.
“Yeah, she is ok, thanks to me. That’s not even the point, though! You need to stop thinking about only yourself all the time. Grow the fuck up and act like an adult.” Five is still yelling loudly and Klaus is flinching with each word thrown in his face. “God, you’re so fucking useless sometimes!”
“Hey!” you interject. “Five, stop. I know you’re mad but you don’t have to be mean.”
He whips his head in your direction and the ire is still there. “Mean? I’m being mean? You do realize he just up and abandoned you, right?”
You stand up straight and raise your chin. “I think abandoned is a strong word. And I’m an adult, too, you know. I appreciate everything you did for me, but I think I could have survived without either of you.”
Five is silent, but his eyes don’t leave yours. He’s still angry, but there’s something else there. Hurt.
“Fine,” he concedes and his shoulders slump a little. “Forget I even said anything. You two dumbasses really do deserve each other.”
After that, he’s gone. Disappeared again before your eyes and you know he’s not in the apartment anymore. You doubt you’ll see him back here again anytime soon. You fucked things up again, and you don’t know how to fix it this time. You look at Klaus.
“Why didn’t you come back? It would have been the decent thing to do. I thought you cared a little more about me than that.”
Klaus massages his temples with his hands and lets out a loud exhale. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be gone that long, and it was a little tricky to get back into the country without documentation. Especially when the guards on duty that day are all alpha males with no sense of humor.” He looks at you with concern. “I really am sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“You seem back to normal, now, so that’s good. I’m glad at least Five was here.”
You nod. “Me too.” You look towards the door, even though that’s not the way he left. “I don’t think he’s going to want to have anything to do with me again, though.”
Klaus is already on his way to the bathroom and he waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Nah, don’t worry about him. He’ll get over it. He always does. Come on, want to join me in the shower?”
“No, thanks,” you answer with a pinched smile. You may not be that angry with Klaus, but you are pretty annoyed. And certainly not in the mood for anything more than chit-chat right now.
It’s later that night, and why the hell you’re still here you have no idea. You should have left hours ago. You just can’t help but want to see Five again and to maybe try and smooth things over. And you’re worried about him, too. Obviously, he can take care of himself, but that doesn’t mean he won’t do something stupid just because he’s pissed off and not thinking clearly. So, while Klaus is in his room sleeping off his three-day bender, you lie down on the couch. You can’t sleep though so you’re staring up at the ceiling in the dark when you hear a familiar whooshing noise and brief flash of blue light coming from the kitchen. You get up and enter the kitchen quietly.
Five stops short when he sees you, his eyes wide for half a second before he corrects himself and he adopts his signature glare. You watch him as he walks to the sink, grabs a glass out of the cabinet, and fills it with water from the tap. You notice how he swayed a little when he walked and the way his eyes were momentarily unfocused. He turns his back to you as he takes a long drink of water.
“What are you still doing here?” he asks after he swallows.
“Are you drunk?” you ask, ignoring his question.
He gives a short and haughty noise, half snort, half laugh, and he swallows down another gulp of water.
“Hardly,” he answers, still turned away from you. He is deliberately not looking at you, probably waiting for you to give up and leave first.
“Yes, you are,” you insist.
Five turns, spinning abruptly around and facing you head-on. He slams the empty water glass on the counter behind him.
“And what if I was? What the fuck does it matter to you?” he barks, his face hard and angry.
You aren’t going to let him win this one. You aren’t going to let him chase you out of there.
“Where were you anyway?”
He puts his hands in his pockets and leans back against the counter. His hair is disheveled and hanging in his eyes again. His shirt, although slightly wrinkled, is unbuttoned just far enough that you can make out the hard line of his collarbone and the outline of his pecs. He is all tense joints and sinew, skin tight and smooth over rippling muscles; everything coiled tight. He notices you staring at his body and he smirks.
“Aw, did you miss me tending to your every need, princess? Not getting enough attention from my dear brother in there?” He nods his head toward Klaus’s room.
You cross your arms defensively over your chest, staring him down. “Don’t you dare fucking talk to me like that, Five. We are past that.”
He gives another sarcastic huff and turns his back on you again. “Go back to your boyfriend. Leave me alone.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” you answer flatly, although that’s hardly relevant.
Five doesn’t say anything in response at first and you think you’ve won this weird little game you two are playing. Then you see his shoulders slump and his head hangs down.
“Then what are you doing with him?” he asks quietly.
You pause, blinking into the dim light of the kitchen, watching the muscles in his back flex through his shirt as he presses his palms harder into the countertop.
“What do you mean?” you ask with a tremble in your voice.
Five turns around to face you, the softness you had heard for just a moment gone again. He takes a menacing step toward you and you instinctively back up.
“I mean, what are you doing with Klaus? Why are you with him?”
Five continues to slowly make his way into your personal space. His eyes are dark and he’s breathing hard with anger or drunkenness, or both. You back up, but you find yourself trapped against the wall. Five pauses for a moment, like he’s unsure he wants to follow through on whatever he’s thinking. But then he’s taking another step toward you, and another, until he’s so close you can see the tiny flecks of brown in his otherwise clear green eyes.
You take a shaking breath in and you can smell the whiskey on his breath, and the leathery scent of the soap you recognize from the shower. You can hear the squeak of his leather dress shoe on the floor and the way the fabric of his pants brushes softly between his legs as he moves in.
When you don’t answer, he asks again, his voice low and demanding. “Why are you with him?”
You swallow hard and try to look away, but his stare is too intense. “I…I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me.”
He’s leaning in, trapping you between his forearms as they are pressed against the wall next to your head, his lips just inches from yours as he waits for your answer. You have a feeling he’s not going anywhere until he hears what he wants to hear.
Your voice is barely a whisper when it comes out. “Because I don’t like being alone.”
One half of Five’s mouth curls up in a self-satisfied smirk. When he closes the already small gap between you and him, he rests his hand on your hip as your thigh grazes against his groin. You can feel the firm bulge starting to form in his perfectly fitted pants as you hold your breath.
“Fuck,” he murmurs painfully.
Before you can react, his mouth is on yours, hungry and rushed, like he’s trying to get as much of you as he can before he changes his mind again. But he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he presses further into you, flattening you against the wall, his hands clutching firmly to your hips. The weight of his entire body is pressed upon you, your breasts pushed against his chest and your groin flush with his. You take in a gulp of air between open-mouth kisses, half-resisting and half-responding to his touch.
If he senses any hesitation from you, he ignores it. Instead, he moans pitifully in his throat, raising both of his hands to bunch your hair into his fists. The feeling of his fingers against your scalp is like a spark; igniting the rest of your body so that you find yourself grabbing the back of his shirt and pushing your lower body into him.
His hands release from your hair, only to trail down the sides of your face and onto your neck. Hot and insistent, you feel his fingers tracing over the tendons on either side, across your jugular, and dipping into the hollow curve above your collarbone. His mouth leaves yours and follows the same route of his fingers; kissing softly but urgently in a linear pattern.
You are still grasping handfuls of his shirt on his back and then his chest. “Five.”
You don’t know what the meaning behind you saying his name is. You don’t want him to stop, but you can’t think clearly so it’s the only thing that comes out.
“It’s not fair,” he growls into your skin, moving to the other side of your neck. “Not fucking fair.”
A whine escapes your throat and you find yourself arching into him. Into his kisses and into his body. You want more and you don’t care that he’s drunk or that he all but forced himself on you. You’re not going to push him away and you stop kidding yourself that you were even thinking about it in the first place. It feels good. He feels good. And it feels right.
His kisses abruptly stop and when you open your eyes, you’re met with his intense gaze again. His mouth is parted as he labors for breath, chest heaving against yours. His hands are on your neck again. This time, they are encircling it, his palms warm against your skin and his thumbs on your chin, holding you in place and forcing you to look at him.
Five’s eyes are searching your face, taking in every detail.
“I want you. And I don’t fucking care about Klaus or anyone else. I want you,” he states quietly and breathlessly. “But if you want me to stop, tell me and I will. I’ll leave and you can go back to him.”
You frown, your eyebrows drawing together, as you take in the sharp angles of his face and the evident pain and longing that is written all over it. You could end this right now. He would step back, remove his hands from your body, and let you go. But that’s not what you want.
You shake your head slowly. “No. Don’t leave.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out again as if he’s disappointed in your answer.
There’s no time to contemplate that, however, because you are being hoisted up in one boost, Five’s strength more than enough to lift you easily off the ground. On instinct, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist. You can feel how hard he is as you pass over his groin and he gives a little grunt at the feeling.
It’s all a delirious haze as you cling to him, kissing his face and neck and winding your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. All while he is carrying you down the short hallway to his bedroom, bumping into the doorjamb on the way in, and closing the door behind him with a kick of his foot.
He walks over to the bed, dropping you down a bit ungracefully. Not that you care. You’re too busy trying desperately to shed your clothes as he does the same, the room filling with the sound of your loud and ragged breathing.
Since you were only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, you’re finished before he is and you lie back, watching as he fumbles with his belt buckle and shoves his pants hurriedly down. His shirt is off already, and you take in the hardness of his chest and the way his shoulders and biceps flex and relax with each movement. The tight boxer briefs he is wearing are damp where his hard cock has been leaking into them.
It’s all happening so fast, and he’s on top of you in a matter of seconds, pinning you down to the mattress, both of you naked and clawing at one another. He is grabbing and kneading your ass with one hand while the other one is on your breast, squeezing almost to the point of pain. But it feels so fucking good, and you’re just as forceful; digging your fingers into his hip and raking your nails roughly down the smooth skin of his back.
“Five,” you whine, unable to say anything else as he bites and sucks at your chest.
He’s groaning and gasping against your skin, like he’s drowning; like he can’t get enough. His mouth is everywhere. Your tits, your stomach, your neck.
He lets out a frustrated growl, even as he takes everything he wants and you let him.
“I hate it…” he mumbles, words cut off as he drags a tongue across your hardened nipple.
“What?” you ask after inhaling a sharp breath, your fist tangled in his dark hair.
Five doesn’t stop, even as he answers you, moving further down your body.
“I hate that he kisses you. I hate that he touches you,” he moans, his lips grazing over you and the words hot against your skin.
He pushes your legs apart and you pull in a deep breath, your hips rising off the bed in response. His mouth is on your inner thigh, pressed against it while his words vibrate over and through you.
“I hate that he makes you wet, and knows how you taste.”
Five is on his knees, face buried between your legs as he licks at your pussy, tongue lapping up the continual flow of your arousal and spreading it up through your aching folds. He’s holding you by your waist with both hands, steadying you as you thrust up into him. His mouth is hot and wet as it engulfs you in messy kisses and licks, the tip of his tongue darting over your clit as he drinks in your wetness and swallows it down.
The accuracy is tortuous, as he hits his target each time, leaving you writhing desperately beneath him, biting your bottom lip as you try in vain to quiet the noises he’s eliciting from you.
“Fi-ive…,”you whine pathetically before inhaling another loud breath.
His mouth is off of you again, leaving you soaking wet and desperate for more. Five is back to kissing up your body, going back over the trail he left on the way down. When he gets to your mouth, he kisses you hard and deep. You can taste your own sex on his tongue as it slips past your lips and inside, colliding with yours. As he bites and pulls at your lips with his teeth, you can feel his cock pressing against the inside of your thigh as he moves his hips rhythmically against you.
“I hate that he fucks you. I hate that he makes you come.” He pauses as he lets out another quiet moan. “And I hate that I hate it.”
He has pulled away from you, green eyes boring into you as he looks into yours. He hasn’t bothered with asking if anything he is doing is ok, probably taking your moans and involuntary hip jerks as proof that you were ok with everything. But now, he seems to be waiting for something. An acknowledgment of what he said. A sign that you want what he wants.
“Don’t you know?” you ask him, panting, as you look back at him. “When I close my eyes, it’s always you.”
One corner of his mouth is turned up, more than satisfied with your answer, as he is repositioning himself and shoving inside of you. You cry out, not even trying to hold it back, as your head falls backward and you clutch onto his shoulders. Five’s own loud groans are punctuated by each slow thrust of his hips as he holds himself over you on his forearms. Your eyes meet again, his face hovering over yours, dark hair hanging in messy strands off his forehead.
“Fuuck…I’ve wanted this for so long,” he breathes out, not breaking eye contact.
He’s slamming into you, his more than sizeable dick filling you up with each push. And it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. The way his body fits into yours. The way he looks at you. The intensity mixed with need and want. This is how fucking should feel. And you want to feel this way forever.
He has lowered himself so that your faces are closer; lips just an inch apart. He hasn’t changed his pace, though, still penetrating you over and over again in the perfect rhythm. Your hands run over the tight muscles of his rounded shoulders, nails raking red lines down his back as you lift your legs higher and angle your hips up.
“Look at me,” he demands and you open your eyes immediately in response. “I want you all to myself. I want you to fuck me. Scream for me. Come for me.”
There was no question posed, but you find yourself nodding along, agreeing with each word he says; arching into him and pulling him closer.
It’s not long before the tension is building, the heat spreading out through your groin until it’s no longer bearable. He’s pounding into you with precision and just enough force that you know you’ll be sore tomorrow. But that thought is far back in your mind, and you focus on his loud breathing against your skin, the feral look in his eyes, the way his body moves so perfectly in time with yours.
You come for him, just like he wanted, and you’re loud and desperate; thrashing underneath him, clutching tightly to his sweat-dampened skin. When you moan his name, long and pleading, his thrusts stop as his hips slam into you one more time, his cock unloading inside of you as he shudders and buries his face into the crook of your neck; a painful-sounding growl mixing with his stuttering breath.
Five stays like this, breathing in the scent of your skin and hair, for a minute or two before he lifts himself off of you, lying next to you on his back. He’s still breathing hard, but you can already see the wheels turning in his head; the regret and shame washing over him. You don’t want him to feel like that, though. There’s no reason for him to feel that way.
“Five?” you ask hesitantly.
He turns his head toward you, slowly, hands resting on his chest. You’re not really sure what to say. You want to tell him it’s ok. That you were just as much of a part in this as he is. But you know that will probably make him angry.
“Do you want…” your voice breaks as you look at him, realizing this passionate moment is most likely coming to an end. “Never mind. I can go.”
You sit up and start to maneuver off the bed when you feel his hand on top of yours. When you look back, his face is different. It’s more resolved now, like he’s figured something out.
“No,” he says softly. “Stay.”
“But…” You glance at the closed door of his bedroom, and he knows what you’re thinking because he’s probably thinking the same thing. Klaus. There’s also zero chance that Klaus hadn’t heard your loud cries of his brother’s name and the bed slamming against the wall.
“I don’t care. Stay.” When you look back at him, he smiles just a little. “Please,” he adds.
You return the smile, pushing the covers down so that you can both get underneath. He draws you to him with an arm around your middle and you nestle into his chest. He’s warm and his arm around you is strong, and it feels good.
Neither of you say anything more as you give in to your tiredness, drifting off while Five trails soft lines up and down your arms with his fingers.
Sometime during the night, you feel Five behind you, pressing himself against you and pulling you closer. He’s hard again and lightly kissing your shoulder, running his hand down your arm and then your thigh. You smile sleepily, not even opening your eyes, and push back into him, wordlessly letting him know you want him again.
You’re both caught in that hazy delirium of not being fully awake and Five thrusts into you slowly, rubbing his cheek softly against your hair. It’s passionate and pure, and you might have thought it was a dream if the words he was saying to you weren’t so real.
“I want this,” he whispers into the darkness. “I want this with you. Not just tonight, every night. Please.”
You sigh contentedly, pressing your backside into him as he fucks you perfectly.
“I want this, too. It’s always you, Five,” you answer, reaching your arm back to cradle his head in your hand.
He’s groaning low and desperately, his forehead pressed into your neck.
“I’ll take care of you like you deserve,” he’s pleading as he thrusts harder into you and his hand moves between your legs, urging you on. “Whatever you need, I’ll give to you. I’ll make you happy.”
You whine quietly, already feeling the need for release. “I know you will…I know…” You gasp when he gives one forceful thrust, fingers pressing hard against your clit. “You’re all I need.”
“Please,” he’s murmuring against your neck. “Please let me. I’m all yours, sweetheart. Please,” he keeps repeating, right before you’re both shuddering and moaning as everything builds and you reach your apices together.
The post-orgasmic high you are feeling is mixing with your emotions and your exhaustion, and you blink into the darkness of the room, feeling Five pull out; the hot cum he just pumped into you seeping out and sticking between your bodies. It doesn’t matter, though. He still has you in his arms as you both sink further into the mattress again.
He doesn’t say anything more, and neither do you. You feel him nuzzle into your neck and your hair, his lips pressed against you and you sigh happily. Who knows what the morning will bring, but that is still several hours away, and no matter what, you belong to each other now. You interlace your fingers with his and settle into the perfect curve of his body as you fall back into a peaceful sleep. 
When you wake up, the sunlight is streaming through the window and across Five’s bed, and you are alone. But it doesn’t take long to figure out what woke you up in the first place. Loud voices are arguing, sounding like they are coming from the kitchen, and growing louder by the second.
“You are a massive asshole!”
“Oh, get over yourself, Klaus! You’re only mad because it’s a blow to your fragile ego.”
Klaus gives a sarcastic snort. “Uh, no, actually, I’m mad because my own BROTHER fucked my GIRLFRIEND!”
“She’s not your girlfriend! You’ve made that perfectly clear.”
“What-fucking-ever! It’s still fucked up. It’s still a betrayal!”
You hear Five laugh dangerously and you can picture his stance; body strung tight as a bow, jaw set in defiance, fists clenched.
“You don’t even care about her, Klaus. Admit it.”
There’s a pause as neither one of them say anything. You listen carefully for Klaus’s answer, if he gives one. Finally, he speaks. It’s quiet, but you can just make it out.
“Maybe not. Not in the way that I should, anyway.” He pauses. “But here’s the thing, Five. I cared about you. You know, you’re always reminding me to be careful all the time and not to be so trusting of everyone. Well, you were right; I trusted you and look how that turned out. You’re not my brother. Go fuck yourself.”
You hear footsteps and then the door slams. There’s silence again.
You don’t know what to do, so you stay put. You’re still naked, though, so you scramble off the bed and gather up your underwear and the t-shirt you were wearing. As you yank it over your head, Five opens the door and walks in. He’s carrying two mugs of hot coffee and he hands one silently over to you.
You say thank you as you accept the mug, but your smile of appreciation goes unreturned as Five crosses back the way he came and stands in the open doorway. His face is impassive. Uncaring. The opposite of the passion you saw in his eyes just hours earlier. You frown over your coffee as you take a small sip.
“I heard you and Klaus and I’m so sorry. I know this is hard, but…” you start to say, but Five cuts you off.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Look, I have a lot of things to do today, though, so you should probably get going.”
You flinch at his abruptness and you can’t even pretend to hide your hurt. You see a faint flicker of some emotion in his eyes before it’s gone again. Blank.
“What do you mean? I thought we…” your voice trails off, unable to finish the sentence as the words catch in your throat. You swallow and try again. “You said…”
Five jumps in again before you can finish. “I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was saying,” he replies, his voice flat and unmoving. “I’m sorry if I misled you. Obviously, this was a mistake.”
He says nothing more; just turns around and walks out, leaving you sitting on his bed, coffee cup in hand, and a sick feeling in your stomach. Your chest is tight and it’s hard to breathe. You can’t believe what’s happening right now. How he’s treating you. Your heart is breaking into a million pieces and it’s humiliating.
After you gather your things, pull on your clothes, and pack your bag with the few toiletries and other things you’ve been leaving there, you head out to the living room. Five is there, dressed in his normal black slacks and white button-down, sitting in one of the chairs. He has a newspaper in his lap and he doesn’t look up when you enter. You stand there, staring, until he reluctantly meets your eyes.
You are trying desperately to hold back tears, and for the most part you are doing a good job. But they are there, threatening to spill over at any second. You try to steady your voice.
“I get it if this is hard for you, Five. It’s hard for me, too. I didn’t want to come between you and your brother. But pretending that this was a mistake? That what you said last night didn’t mean anything? That’s bullshit and you know it!”
He cocks his head to the side and crosses one leg over another as he gives you a condescending smirk.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart? Never heard of a one-night stand?” he sneers.
“Fuck you,” you spit out, your voice hitching in your throat.
You turn away and head for the door before he can see you cry. On your way out, you stop and turn back. He’s still sitting there, looking after you, the same non-expression on his face.
“One last thing before I go. You did this, Five, not me. You pushed me away. So, if you wake up one day and you’re all alone…you only have yourself to blame. Because this could have been something really good.”
You turn and close the door behind you, not even bothering to look back again.
Chapter Six: My Own Worst Enemy
I’ve dealt with a lot of regret in my life. Times when I’ve wanted to kick my own ass and beat the living shit out of me. A couple of times I’ve been successful in rewinding time by a few minutes to fix my mistakes. Other times, not so much. But none of those times, barring that little snafu when I ended up living in a barren wasteland for 45 years, have come close to how much I hate myself right now.
After she slams the door shut, I blink myself over there. My hand is on the doorknob, mid-turn, when I stop myself again. I can’t think straight and I don’t even know what is right or what is wrong anymore. All I know is that all of this is my fault. If I had just kept to myself and kept my dick in my pants, I wouldn’t be standing here like this now. I rest my forehead against the door and squeeze my eyes shut. I briefly think about going back and changing this. I only need a few minutes, not long. I can tell her I’m sorry and that I don’t want her to leave. I can tell her I did mean everything I said before. I can try and fix it. But I don’t.
I slam my fist against the door and kick it at the same time. “FUCK!”
That’s all there is to say in this situation because I may have just lost the two most important people in my life. All because of my stupid, thoughtless actions. I feel bad about Klaus, but I know he’ll eventually get over it. He might not forgive me, but I know he’ll be ok. But her…that look in her eyes when I told her I didn’t mean any of it…I don’t think I can fix that. I wouldn’t even know how, because I don’t think I’ve ever hurt someone that badly and that viciously before. If I have, I hadn’t cared until now.
I had panicked. I thought I had made peace with everything and then Klaus had said what he did to me. You’re not my brother. And he was right. Not only am I not even his biological brother, but I have been on my high horse pretending I can protect him, when really all I do is make shit worse. What kind of a brother, adopted or not, does that?
The thing is, if I had just gone about this in a completely different way, it probably would have turned out just fine. I could have gone to him, told him I had feelings for her and that I thought maybe she felt the same way, and apologize. Maybe he would have been a little mad, but in all reality, he probably would have been fine with it. It’s the way that it happened that really threw a monkey wrench into the whole thing.
I know he wasn’t all that into her, and vice versa. But to take the same girl that your brother has been sleeping with on a regular basis and fuck her (loudly), right down the hall from him without so much as a heads-up-pre-coitus email…that’s probably some sort of code violation right there. Granted, I’m sometimes oblivious to social norms and things other people might describe as “tact”, but I do know this is a pretty blatant faux pas.
I shouldn’t have gotten so pissed. I shouldn’t have gone off to drink my feelings away. I shouldn’t have stayed in the kitchen talking to her. I shouldn’t have done a lot of things.
I was mad at Klaus for not stepping up when he should have, but I was mostly just mad at him for having her in the first place. And then when she came to his defense…that was too much. I had to get out of there before I said or did something even worse. So, I did what I usually do when things get too scrambled in my brain; I went to find some booze.
The bar I chose was the first one I had come across while I was storming down the sidewalk, and I found an empty barstool where I could sit and wallow in self-pity. The place was a total dive, but it was dark and crowded and the bartender had no issue serving me as many shots of whiskey that I asked for. I think I was on my fourth when I noticed the girl on the other end of the bar eye-fucking me. She was cute, with dark brown hair and a minuscule top that didn’t do much to hide her impressive rack. In my drunken state, I found myself staring back at her, which she took as an invitation.
I can hold my liquor, but after five shots, even I’m going to get a little sloppy. Everything was a blur. It was dark, loud, and my senses were all screwed up. She was standing between my legs, leaning in to talk to me, and I could smell her perfume which I didn’t particularly like. I don’t even know what she was saying to me. Her hand was on my thigh and she was purposefully pressing her tits against me as she talked close to my ear. I could feel her hand moving higher up my leg, and she was saying something about leaving together and going back to her place. It sounded like a good idea, but something was off.
I felt her lips brush against my cheek and that’s when I had a moment of clarity. Her voice was all wrong, her perfume was giving me a headache, and if I was paying attention to what she had been saying, I’m sure I would have found her boring. More importantly, she wasn’t her. And if it wasn’t her, I didn’t really give a shit. Grabbing the woman’s wrist with my hand, she stopped her kiss and pulled back, confused.
“Stop,” I said, gradually snapping out of the trance I had been in. When she questioned me, obviously irritated that I would be turning her advances down, I let go of her hand, pushing it off of me. “Go shove your tits in someone else’s face. I’m not interested.”
With a glare, she turned around, but not before she flipped me off and called me an asshole. That’s when I figured I should get out of there before I drank enough that I wouldn’t be able to find my way out. I also figured it would be safe to go home because she would have left the apartment hours before that. Wrong again.
When I saw her there, I just couldn’t keep it up anymore. I couldn’t see the point. And if she had slapped me across the face, or asked me to stop, I would have. I would have been humiliated, but I would have stopped. But she didn’t want me to.
God, I can still feel her body against mine and hear her moaning my name. I can still taste her on my tongue and smell the sweat on her skin. She invaded all of my senses and she’s still clinging to me. I have never begged anyone for anything in my entire life, and yet there I was, pleading with her to be with me. She had said she wanted to, and I could feel how much she meant it. We were going to be happy together; I had promised her I would take care of her like she deserves. It was all right there for me. All of the things I had been dreaming of and wanting for so long. Then I went and fucked it all up.
She was right, too. I will wake up all alone one day, and I will have no one to blame but myself.
It’s a week later, and I’m busy packing up all of my shit into boxes since I plan on moving out tomorrow. I haven’t seen much of Klaus because he hasn’t been around a lot and when he is, he avoids me and locks himself in his room. I had immediately started looking for a new place and I found one that is ok and will be fine short term. It’s also fairly close to her coffee shop, which had not been intentional, but it’s not my fault that’s where it’s located. I’m packing up some books when Klaus comes and stands in the doorway. I look up, startled. He’s holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and two shot glasses in the other.
“Mind if I come in?” he asks.
“Sure, come on in.”
He walks in and sits down on the edge of my bed. He puts the shot glasses on the side table and pours vodka into each of them, filling them to the top before he sets the bottle down. He hands one over to me and I take it from him even though I’m confused as hell right now.
“What’s this for?” I ask.
Klaus shrugs. “I don’t know, but I feel like we should have one more drink together before you move out.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I just follow his lead and hold my glass up in a toast before slinging it back. It burns on the way down but it tastes good.
“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Klaus says after a long pause.
“Yes, I do.”
He sighs and looks around my room. “Look, I know this is a weird situation, and I am still mad at you, but that doesn’t mean I want you to leave.”
“You told me I wasn’t your brother and to go fuck myself,” I remind him.
“Ah, yes, well…perhaps I was a bit over-dramatic. I was just a tad hungover still and you were yelling just so loudly. Really, Five, your voice just pierces right into the brain sometimes and makes people say things just to get you to stop.” I shake my head. “No, you were the appropriate amount of dramatic and I don’t blame you. You’re right, I’m a shitty brother and I messed up big time. Which is why I need to leave.”
“Look, Five, I didn’t mean all of that, ok? Yes, I was pissed. And yes, maybe what you did was not the greatest thing ever. But you were also right.”
“About what?”
“About not caring about her. I realize that regardless of our status, I still was a pretty shitty friend to her. I’m glad she had you here. Even if you did rail her hard enough I think even I could feel it.”
I cringe. “Klaus, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t begin to cover it, but I truly am sorry.”
He nods thoughtfully. “So…how long have you been in love with her?”
I stare, open-mouthed and wide-eyed; dumbstruck. Klaus laughs.
“You think you’re so smart and slick all of the time, but I got news for you Fivey…you ain’t.”
“What are you talking about?” I sputter out, even though it’s about the worst acting anyone’s ever done.
Klaus rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “It’s ok, you can admit it. I’m not dumb or blind. Or deaf, as it turns out. I know how you operate around people, and I have never seen you like you are when you’re with her. You are one smitten kitten and you know what? Good for you.”
I am about to protest again, but when I go to deny it, I realize I just don’t have the heart or the energy for it. “Ok, you’re right, I love her. I’m sorry, but I do. I have for a while now.”
He nods and smiles, not shocked by this information. “Like I said, good for you. You deserve love and happiness in your life, Five. Would I have preferred it to be with someone I hadn’t also bumped uglies with? Probably. But hey, love works in mysterious ways, right? I mean, look at me! I fell in love with someone I met after falling out of the sky in the middle of a fucking war zone. Talk about bad timing! I guess we Hargreeves are good at bad timing, though, aren’t we?”
He laughs, even though it’s more sad than funny and I stand there for a minute in thought. Then I come to a conclusion.
“There’s only one way I’m going to feel better about this and be able to move on with a reasonably clear conscience.”
“What’s that?”
“You have to hit me.”
Klaus looks at me in disbelief. “Uh…yeah, ok, Five. I’m not falling for that.”
I shake my head and roll my shoulders back, facing him head-on. “No, I mean it. I want you to punch me directly in the face. I won’t hit back or defend myself.”
“Five, I don’t want to hit you…”
“Come on! I’m sure you’ve thought about it on several occasions before. Well, now here’s your chance. For the second time in your life, you can hit me in the face without any backlash. I promise.”
He chuckles. “Oh yeah, that was a fun day. But seriously, even if I did want to hit you, which I don’t, I’m not even good at it, you know that. I never have been. I’m like one of those guys in old cartoons where they swing and miss and just spin around in a circle.”
“Klaus, for fucks sake, stand up and punch me in the fucking face!”
After another pause, he stands up in front of me. He’s still taller than me, despite me being at my full height now. He looks down on me nervously and I see his fists clench and unclench.
“Really? You really want me to do this?”
I nod. “I really do.” Then I hold my finger up. “However, just remember this is one hit.”
He shrugs and lifts his fist up, pulling it back and I close my eyes to brace myself. WHAM! He gets me right in the jaw and he is a big fucking liar because he is good at it and it hurts like a motherfucker.
“Son of a…Fuck!” I yell, holding my face. I swear I can already feel a bruise forming and I run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they are all still accounted for.
“Oh my god, Five, are you ok? Shit, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I actually did that!” Klaus is panicking at first but after a couple of seconds, he starts laughing. “I can’t believe I actually did that. And you haven’t killed me or even maimed me! Man, I got you good, too.”
“Yeah,” I mumble, still rubbing my throbbing jaw. “Turns out it hurts a whole lot more when you know it’s coming.” Klaus continues to laugh at my pain, and even though it hurts to move my face, I grin up at him. “This was a one-time offer, by the way. So, don’t be thinking you’re hot shit, because I will drop you without a second thought.”
Klaus gives a sarcastic salute. “Message received, big bro.” He purses his lips together and gestures to the boxes around my room. “So, are you still leaving?”
I nod. “Yes, I’m still leaving. And it’s not even all because of that. I don’t think it’s doing either of us any good to be living together like this. I have realized that I was using you as an excuse not to move on with my life. I told myself I was doing you a favor when in reality, I was just looking for a purpose. Any purpose. But I need to figure that out for myself.”
“Ok, but you’re just going to leave me all alone here?”
I shrug. “Maybe Luther wants to move in.”
Klaus looks horrified. “Good lord, no thank you! You skipped out on the grosser years of having to live with that barn animal and let me tell you, it’s no picnic. I don’t need giant pairs of tighty whities thrown around my bathroom, or having boxes of my favorite cereal eaten up in two days.”
I grin and clap him on the shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, Klaus. You always do. And you don’t need me to help you do it, either.”
“Thanks, Fivey,” he says softly, before catching me off guard and pulling me in for a bear hug, trapping me against his chest.
“Ah! My face! Let go, you stupid asshole!” He lets me go and I rub at my jaw again, glaring up at him. He is unfazed so I just shake my head. Klaus will always be Klaus, and I meant what I said. He’ll be just fine without me here.
*********************************************************************
“Feet. Off. The coffee table,” I say as I whack at Klaus with a rolled-up newspaper like he’s a cat on a kitchen counter.
“Hey! Geez, alright…keep your shirt on, old man,” he protests as he tries to guard himself with his hands while removing his feet from where they were propped. “What’s got your little assassin bonnet full of bees today?”
“Nothing! Maybe I just don’t want your disgusting feet all over my furniture.”
Klaus tilts his head to the side, looking up at me. “No…I don’t think that’s it. You seem even more murderous lately than normal.” Then his face lights up. “I know! I bet you haven’t been laid in a while, that’s got to be it. That’s an easy fix, too, because I bet if I go outside right now and made an announcement that the infamous and very sexy Number Five Hargreeves was looking for some action, you’d have a stampede of pretty ladies and probably some pretty men breaking down your door.”
“Klaus,” I start to say before he interrupts.
“Wait! Here’s a better idea. Me and you, we go on the prowl tonight. I’ll take you to some great clubs where you can meet someone that’s suitable for banging. Well, they’re not clubs as much as warehouses full of people tripping on acid, but still. I guarantee I can get you laid by the end of the night.”
“Klaus.”
“Yeah?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
When he manages to look like a kicked puppy, I roll my eyes and sigh. “Thank you for your concern over my sex life, but I do not need to get laid. I’m fine.”
He eyes me up and when I look away guiltily, he gasps with a hand on his chest. “Hang on. Do not tell me the last time you put your banana in a fruit salad was with…”
My silence is the only answer he needs and he gives another dramatic gasp, which makes me grit my teeth together.
“Holy shit, Fivey! Well, no fucking wonder you’ve got your man panties in a wad lately.”
“Again, and I say this with the utmost love and respect…shut the fuck up.”
He stands up. “No, no, no…I will not shut up! So, you’re telling me that over the past six months , you’ve been carrying a torch for her? Wow, that is some romantic shit right there. But still, that shouldn’t stop you from driving the ol’ Pope mobile into some lucky lady’s Vatican now and then.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“We don’t have time to get into all of that right now. Besides, this is about you. I’m serious, Five, you can’t go on re-living your virgin years just because you’re a little hung up on one person.”
I shake my head and put my hands in my pockets. “I’m not just hung up on her. She’s all I think about. All day, all night. I still love her, Klaus.”
I don’t know why I let my walls down just now and told him the truth, but the fact is we have actually been getting along much better now that we aren’t under the same roof anymore. I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable talking about things with him. And the nice thing about Klaus is that he’s done so many weird and fucked up things in his life, he never judges.
“Oh, Five,” he says sadly. “I had no idea. You never mentioned it so I just assumed you’d moved on.”
“Yeah, well…it’s fine. I’ll get over it eventually.”
“You know, the easy solution to this is to walk your cute buns over to that coffee place of hers and tell her what you just told me. Confess your undying love. Sweep her off her feet.”
I laugh and run a hand through my hair. “Yeah, I don’t think that would work. Pretty sure she hates my guts. And for good reason.”
“Listen, as someone who had a very close seat to the ‘Five Hargreeves Fuck-tacular’ show, I’m going to bet she doesn’t hate your guts. No one sounds like that while getting their naughty bits plowed into oblivion and then just forgets about it.”
Ignoring that little comment, I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I really fucked this one up and I don’t think there’s any way to come back from it.”
“Well, all you can do is try. If she hates you, then it’s as you suspected and you can move on. If not, then you two can sail off into the sunset together. There’s really nothing to lose here.”
He has a point, but the thought of just walking in there to try and talk to her is terrifying. I’m not sure I have the balls for it.
“Want me to go talk to her for you?” he asks.
“What? No!” When I see him smile mischievously, I jab my finger at him. “I’m warning you, Klaus, if you go over there and so much as even mention my name, I swear to god I will blink you to Antarctica and leave you there.”
Klaus waves his hand at me. “Please…you’ve been threatening that since we were kids. You really need to come up with something new. But, fine, I won’t go over there.”
When I nod my approval, I assume this conversation is done. It’s not, apparently, and Klaus grins at me again.
“In the meantime, how about I set you up on some casual dates? You don’t want to be out of practice if your lady decides to take you back. What do you think? You up for a game of pelvic pinochle? Burying the weasel? Filling the cream donut? Launching the meat missile?”
I massage my temples with my fingers, trying to fight off the headache I can feel forming behind my eyes. “For the love of all that is holy, Klaus, can you please shut the fuck up? I am begging you.”
He gives his annoying little Klaus giggle. “Sure thing, Fivey. Whatever you say.”
“Thank you.”
Four days later I’m whacking at him with the newspaper again. This time for a different reason.
“Ow! I didn’t mention your name, just like you told me, I swear! Ow!”
“You talked to her and gave her my address!” I yell, whacking at him harder around the head.
“Damnit, cut it out! You said don’t mention your name and I didn’t. She just happened to know who I was talking about. OW!”
I stop my assault and stand there, breathing hard through my nose as I glare at my stupid ass brother. “Why? Why the fuck did you do that?”
“Listen, Fivey, I love you and all but you are really your own worst enemy. I’m trying to move things along for you; help you out. You can’t stay here, all pent-up with sexual energy and moping around the house for the rest of your life. Don’t you want to get out there and live? Don’t you want someone to share your life with?”
I sigh and flop down into an armchair. He’s right, of course, even if I don’t want to admit it. “Maybe,” I mutter.
“Of course you do! That’s what everyone wants in life. And you, old timer, have been given the gift of time and the chance to start over. That’s like everyone’s dream! So, don’t just sit here and waste a gift like that. Not when you could be out there spreading a little of that teleporting-genius-infused DNA around with your special man sauce.”
I make a face. “Gross. Please don’t say ‘man sauce’ again.”
“Anyway…she didn’t say she wanted you dead and she accepted the piece of paper I gave her, so…I don’t know, those are both good things, right?”
“I guess. Did she say anything else?” I ask, trying not to get my hopes up.
Klaus shakes his head. “No, sorry.”
I wasn’t expecting anything, but it still feels like a bit of a blow. I nod, and then I look at Klaus suspiciously. “Did you say anything else?”
He puts a hand to his chest. “Who, moi ? Of course not. Well, I did apologize for everything that went down, but like I said, your name didn’t come up.”
“Hmm…why do I get the feeling that’s not the full truth?”
Klaus shrugs innocently. “I have no idea, but trust me. I bet any day now she’ll come knocking on your door wanting some more of that sweet, sweet loving from you. Just you wait.”
As if his prophecy was about to be fulfilled at that precise moment, I glance towards the door. What would I even say if she really did show up here? I had been avoiding her place like the plague, even though that meant taking much longer routes to certain places. Except for those few times when I couldn’t help myself and I watched through the windows from across the street and then blinked away before she could spot me. Otherwise, the thought of having to face her again makes my stomach churn. So, maybe Klaus did do me a favor. Maybe she really will hunt me down and knock on my door one day soon. If she does, I’m sure it will be just for the opportunity to chew me out. But, even so, the thought of seeing her standing in front of me again makes my pulse race just a little faster.
Link to the next few chapters here!
@baileebear
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firefirefruit ¡ 10 months ago
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Steel in Her Veins, Chapter: Nine
Read On: AO3 | Table of Contents | Next Chapter
Characters: Fem!Reader x Roronoa Zoro
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Chapter Nine: The Niece of Oden
The niece of Oden. That’s all you were to them. A female, no less. From the earliest whispers of instruction, the expectations were clear: sit gracefully, adorn yourself, and be the picture of delicate beauty.
While boys of Wano honed their skills with blades, you were relegated to the sidelines. They immersed themselves in the rigorous dance of training, bodies bathed in sweat, their knees buckling under the weight of relentless practice. The air carried the pungent aroma of dried mud and the metallic tang of spilled blood.
As nightfall draped the land in obsidian hues, you sought solace by the window, palms pressed against the cold glass. Your eyes traced the graceful arcs of the boys’ swords, their movements unfolding like a mesmerising dance. In those stolen moments, you yearned to understand the visceral satisfaction of exertion, the sensation of hard-earned sweat trickling down your face. You pondered whether your blood bore the same crimson hue as theirs, if your lungs could inhale the world as expansively as theirs did.
You never chose this life - to be related to Oden. Even now, beneath the flickering flames in the quiet of the night, with molten metal as your only companion, you entertain the notion of an alternate destiny. A life where another name might grant you the freedom to seamlessly slip into the revered mantle of a female samurai.
From an early age, your spirit rebelled against the stifling norms. While boys unleashed battle cries and practiced their swordplay on training dummies, your own voice echoed too loudly, your spirit too untamed for their liking. The chastisements rained down upon you, attempting to stifle the echoes of your free-spirited defiance. Yet, your determination, hard-headed and resolute, only strengthened with each admonishment.
The moment your desire to become a samurai slipped past your lips, the ancestral hall became a theatre of amusement. Laughter, like a gathering storm, rolled through the room, carrying with it the weight of generations of ingrained expectations.
As the echoes of their amusement reverberated off the solemn walls, the clan members, adorned in traditional Kozuki garb, revealed expressions ranging from amused condescension to incredulous disdain. It was as if the very foundations of propriety had been jostled by your audacious revelation.
Among the sea of scoffs and smirks, a voice jeered through the laughter, a biting remark that lingered in the air like a venomous serpent.
"Who's been letting her play with boys?"
The mockery, though veiled in jest, carried the unspoken assumption that the realm of samurai was a sacred domain, exclusive to the masculine.
A second dissenting voice chimed in, objecting with the weight of tradition.
"Not fitting for a Kozuki girl!"
"Maybe more etiquette lessons would be in order..." Another offered.
The proposal, wrapped in the guise of refinement, hinted at the need to redirect your ambitions toward the prescribed path of a demure Kozuki lady.
In the face of the anticipated derision that permeated the room, you stood resolute, a lone figure amidst a sea of mocking adults. Their condescending smirks and dismissive glances were met with a quiet certainty—a knowing glint in your eyes that betrayed a secret plan unfolding.
The impending act, the linchpin to reshape your destiny, unfolded with stolen glue in your possession. Each precious drop was meticulously squeezed into your cupped palms, and with deliberate intent, you coated both your hair and hands in the viscous substance.
The room held its breath as you slammed one hand and the cascade of glue-laden hair to the floor. Simultaneously, your other hand clung to your eyebrows, and your penetrating glare cut through the stunned silence.
"I yearn for more!" your voice echoed. "If my existence is confined to the spectacle of long hair and a pleasant smile, then I’m prepared to tear it all away! I am ready to sacrifice!"
The gravity of your proclamation hung in the air, a potent declaration of defiance that resonated through the room. The room held a palpable tension, like a gathering storm waiting to unleash its fury.
The glue clung to your hair and hands, a sticky emblem of rebellion against the predetermined fate assigned to you as the cousin of Oden's children.
As the silence hung in the air, broken only by the ticking of the clock, your eyes locked onto a familiar face—the former shogun seated behind the imposing Kozuki conference table. It was an unspoken agreement; a pact of silence from all in that room that spared you from immediate retribution.
His chair creaked as he rose, the wood protesting against the movement, and the room seemed to hold its breath as heavy footsteps approached your defiant form. Was it the glue that clouded your senses, or was it the fear that gripped your heart? The distinction blurred in the gravity of the moment.
With a deliberate grace, the former shogun knelt down, a glint of curiosity flickering in his eyes as he surveyed the empty glue tube. His thumb idly twirled across the cap, and a grin crept onto his weathered face.
"Nice move," he commented, the pride thick in his voice. "I was wondering when you were going to steal that.”
🂇
You wake up with a groan, feeling the slow passage of time like glue dripping, glue that resists to harden, at the tips of your fingers. Like glue…Glue…?
Your fingers gingerly touch your head, half-expecting to come in contact with a thick glaze of glue smeared over a crop of torn hair, but with a relieved sigh, you feel the soft brown strands that spill across instead.
Impassively, you stare at the ship’s ceiling. That dream…A smile curls widely on your lips as you remember. Dare you say, you’re still impressed with the younger you who was ready to risk it all – even her eyebrows.
“You’re awake.” Robin smiles, two cups of tea balancing in her fingers as she steps into the study.
Using your elbows, you push up from your makeshift bed, returning her smile as she silently offers you a steaming cup. The sight warms your heart, and you take the cup graciously.
"I bet I'm the last one to wake up, huh?" you muse, glancing at the hue of the afternoon sun. Its light orange tone indicates that it's still relatively early in the day. Robin laughs a little, shaking her head.
"No, actually. Everyone else is still knocked out, except for Zoro. I like to research, and Zoro, training…" she mentions, settling at the end of your bed.
“I’m sorry I had to stay over - I didn’t want to impose.”
Robin laughs. “Honestly, I’m surprised Luffy didn’t take this as a chance to sail away and keep you hostage.”
As you two curl on the bed, a brief moment of comfortable silence washes across the room. You look through the window again, passively staring at the lapping waves, lips firmly pursed.
What happened last night? You faintly remember drinking a lot, taking shots with Franky, eagerly involving yourself in a battle of cards with Robin…You remember Luffy who wrapped his arms around you, pulling you and Usopp to dance. And…and then…?
And then, what?
Suddenly, a fragment of a memory flashes into you like thunder. Your body tenses, your throat tightening.
And…Gramps’ face. Glancing across his shoulder every so often while some sort of darkness consumed his countenance. And when he would catch you looking – well, he’d just grin and stretch, turning himself away from you.
“Raya?” Robin lowers her book from her eyes, concern staining them. Her eyes flicker to your blanket, a slight sheet of frost twinkling across its cotton fabric.
Well, that’s embarrassing. That’s like the equivalent of pissing your pants.
"I’m just thinking," you quickly respond, forcing out a wobbly smile. Your desperate eyes pierce Robin’s; hers, naturally, narrow in reply. “Did my old man stay over?”
With a raised eyebrow, Robin fully sets her book down on her lap with a sense of alertness. “No, he went back when you went to sleep.”
Your gaze quickly shifts back to the window, trying to stifle down the dread that was now surging through you
Robin's usually composed expression transforms into one of genuine concern, her eyes narrowing with worry. When she finally speaks, her voice carries an unusual weight. "Is everything alright?"
You can't bear to stay in the study any longer. The weight of unspoken dread pushes you to rise abruptly, stumbling outside like an inmate escaping prison. The rhythmic clinking of weights fills the deck, an abrupt stop signalling Zoro's attention as you quickly descend the stairs.
Fumbling with your hair, you rush to the barrel of swords by the dock. Pulling one out, you sling the scabbard off from its steel with a sense of urgency. A muttered curse slips through your lips as you observe the blade, realising these are the non-valuables – I mean, who needs the real ones for a fucking play?
Your gaze narrows, glaring profoundly at the edge of the metal as if sheer willpower could reshape it into a more suitable weapon. The air thickens with tension, the clinking weights forgotten as Zoro's gruff voice breaks through the atmosphere.
"Where're you going?" His voice, a low growl, resonates behind you, the weights quickly set aside, wiping sweat from his brow with a swift motion.
Without turning to face him, you sheathe the sword with hurry; it's not the ideal choice for a fight, but it'll have to do. A sense of determination seeps into your movements, fuelled by your unknown anxiety of a potential situation. Your response to Zoro is abrupt, tinged with emergency.
"Home."
With that, you make a run for it. Desperation fuels your steps, sweat beads forming across your brow as you reach the peak of the hill. The gravity of your tone didn't escape Zoro's keen perception, of course not; the distant sounds from down by the dock tell you he's shot up from his spot, and the clink of three metal weapons against wood signifies his preparation to follow.
As you slip into the cracks, you hear heavy footsteps sliding and crunching against gravel, catching up to you. Zoro easily trails behind, his eye flickering with silent questions, your grave expression reflecting in his alert gaze.
“I don’t have time to bicker,” you say, your voice echoing against the sloping planes of the cave. You turn to give him a pointed look. “I’m not going to ask why you’re here. Just… stay alert.”
The cave's second opening looms ahead, and the darkness inside seems to swallow your form as you rush forward, leaving the open air behind. The tension hangs in the air like a storm on the horizon, threatening to unleash its fury.
As both you and Zoro reach the end of the cave – a small, serene opening beaming with the familiar field and rolling hills in view – there's one small detail that stains your relief, justifying your earlier inexplicable feeling of dread.
A colossal shadow, tangible and three-dimensional, yet feathered around its edges, looms over your home. The grass and flowers, once lively, now brush around its gasping form, wilting as if drained of life.
The shadow pivots, almost as if it senses your hitching breath. And you feel the blood rush out of you. A sense of terror grips you as you witness its form—a pure void, a silhouette of a body in shades of purple and black, bruised and glinting like polluted smoke in the air. No distinct features, no nose, no mouth, no fingers or feet…
Your heart hammers in your chest and a sense of fury tightens your grip around the hilt of your sword.
No eyebrows, no hair, no lashes or nails…
All but for one feature.
Large, unblinking, magenta eyeballs gaze at you.
They float in the places of where eyes should be, sure, but they’re…they’re just eyeballs.
Eyes amidst a shroud of all-consuming darkness.
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hatredmadeofgold ¡ 1 year ago
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Revenge with a vengeance — The tragedy of Sam and Raiden’s canon relationship dynamic
Alternate title: SamuRaiden is THAT deep, actually.
Side note by author: This essay will get an update eventually since I wrote it before playing the Japanese version of the game.
Although MGR does not have as complex or well researched character lore as the main series, Samuraiden as a relationship is a lot more complex than common fandom tropes and interpretations of their relationship suggest. I don’t mind it when people make funny/meme content about these two, since MGS/R does come with its own flair of humour, it’s very exhausting for me as well as a few others I know who enjoy this ship for it to be reduced to just that — a joke. MGR being perceived as ‘goofy’ is mainly due to how poorly some of the character lines translate from Japanese to English, as well as it being more or less evident that either budget, time or both ran out over the course of development, hence the second half of the game feels rushed and underdeveloped. In fact, the great majority of MGR fans do not understand how serious, dark, hopeless and dystopian its message really is and that is saddening.
The world isn’t black and white, neither is it in MGS/R. Sam isn’t the just the villain (never has been, by the way), Raiden isn’t the just the hero (never has been either, by the way), I’d say it’s rather “depends on who you ask”. They are on opposite sides due to the circumstances of how they meet and not because they wouldn’t get along. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, if they would have met before 2016, they might have become friends based on the fact of how much they can actually relate to each other in many different aspects of their personalities, interests and experiences.
Before we get to fight Armstrong as well as during the Sam DLC (also through very subtle hints during their first fight on the train) we learn that Sam is just like Raiden and that Desperado forced him to become a shadow of who he once was, going against his own morals and values and only Raiden reminding him of who he truly was before Armstrong defeated him 2 years prior, ultimately crushing his spirit — he had no other choice, either die there as a failure or continue to live and become Desperado’s/Armstrong’s puppet [until someone would eventually defeat Armstrong and free Sam from his never ending nightmare — Did I already mention that Sam is a really fucking tragic character?]. Sam joining Armstrong’s laughter at the end of DLC is a reaction of fear, not agreement with him or enjoyment. And if there’s one thing that both MGS and MGR are really good at, it’s the accurate and very realistic portrayal of the human psyche under stressful and traumatic situations.
On the other side we can tell from Raiden’s reaction when holding Murasama after killing Sam that he, for once in the entire damn series, questions if that was the right choice he made. We know that Raiden enjoys inflicting pain and suffering onto others, he enjoys murder — but he did not feel that way when he killed Sam. It’s quite the opposite. It’s very subtle and if you’re not very observant like me, easy to miss. But the way his voice turns a bit softer, how his eyes look listless, almost sad; he regrets it. When Blade Wolf asks Raiden if that outcome was really necessary, he does not answer him, because he knows that Wolf is right, it wasn’t. And Raiden pretty much hates himself for it. To his team he confidently says that Sam isn’t a problem anymore since he killed him, but that’s not the same Raiden that he’s that moment in the badlands (which is another implication to me that Raiden doesn’t fully trust his teammates, although they are friends; he has major trust issues and the only emotions he shares with them is either anger or amusement but nothing outside of that). The way he sheathes Murasama is a way to honour him, and as far as I remember this is a ritual to honour a samurai’s defeat or death.
I believe that there has been a silent understanding between the two swordsmen that they respect each other from the very beginning, but they do not say it out loud. This is a case of “show, don’t tell” but also something I suspect has something to do with the game being written by Japanese authors, and Japanese is a high context language, meaning, very little words are needed to get the meaning across, and I think this may also translate into the words these two exchange with each other compared to how they truly feel about the other. Besides, they probably couldn’t truly speak honestly with each other in the first place because of the unfortunate conditions of how they met and were (more or less) forced to fight each other until one of them would eventually succumb to the other’s blade. Codecs and conversations were most likely recorded by their respective employers, and I highly suspect that in Sam’s case, he was even monitored 24/7 by Desperado since he never was an official member of the Winds of Destruction in the first place, and they didn’t fully trust him either.
At the very end of the game during the fight with Armstrong, Sam’s message plays, and we can hear how Sam also speaks with a different voice to Blade Wolf compared to everyone else (and technically, indirectly to Raiden but I cannot confirm or deny that Sam was aware that Raiden would ever hear this playback), it’s a note softer; Raiden learns the truth, which confirms to him that he was right about Sam after all, that they are alike, that they respect each other, and that there was more to Sam’s story than him being a part of Desperado, he doesn’t know what exactly, but he knows now for sure that Sam was not the person he originally believed he was (and lets his team still believe he thinks that way).
Would Raiden truly say Sam’s catchphrase “Let’s dance” before fighting and ultimately killing Armstrong, if he wouldn’t have been going through a gradual process between originally hating Sam to respecting and liking him but unable to ever express that to him or anyone else?
Would he ever admit to anyone what kind of emotional impact Sam had on him, besides the anger and hatred he openly expressed towards him?
Doubt so. Highly fucking doubt so.
Because sharing his true feelings is a liability to him, and Raiden learnt as a very young child that vulnerable feelings such as sadness or guilt would be used against him, so his psyche is conditioned to discard them immediately. But Sam made him feel those things in their full extent and Raiden is fully aware of that, but he would never share with anybody that he ever felt that way about Sam.
He may or may not take those feelings to his grave.
From Sam’s side, we can only guess how he truly felt about Raiden, but we can only guess by the way he hesitated to finish him off on the train during the prologue, the way he smiled at Blade Wolf before his death (which might be likely another case of a silent understanding between Sam and Wolf that the latter would share with Raiden what he knows about Sam or the playback of their conversation itself, if not both) as well as everything he says with giving Murasama to Raiden. Of course, Sam couldn’t even say out loud to Blade Wolf or Raiden that he planned to give Raiden his sword to take down Armstrong, and he had to be as vague as possible with the information that he shared with the robot dog. Not by choice, no. Most likely because he was being watched 24/7, he knew that Desperado nor Armstrong didn’t fully trust him and if they knew about his plans, they’d make sure to finish him off before Raiden had the chance to do so. Sam knew he would die, and that it would be the only way he would ever be free from Armstrong’s grasp. So he chose suicide through Raiden’s blade, and gave him his sword to finish what he could not back then.
The game’s title is REVENGEANCE — Revenge with a vengeance.
They both translate to the same thing in my native language German, but there’s a subtle yet important difference between these two nouns.
“Revenge means when you get back at your enemy who is responsible for hurting you and vengeance is the punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.”
But it was never Armstrong who hurt or wronged Raiden in the first place, and we know he’s an essentially selfish person who does not really care all that much about politics, religion or anything like that and he only fights for himself (I wrote in my essay about Raiden’s ASPD that his motivation to save these children from becoming cyborg child soldiers is a trauma response first and his rather lose and grey morality second) and the few people he cares about, so Armstrong being the one one who ordered to get N’mani killed is not the reason Raiden went after him or was that passionate about getting revenge or retribution on him either.
It was Sam who hurt him — wounded both his body and soul during the prologue — but when Raiden got his revenge, he realised that revenge is empty, that he didn’t feel better, and that he regrets killing him, then we get to the vengeance part. From the moment Raiden held Sam’s Murasama in the badlands, he felt no more hatred towards him and the emotional impact his death had on him made Sam transition from a person he hated to one of the few people Raiden truly cares about.
Armstrong may be the villain of the story, but the person who wanted revenge on him never had been Raiden. It was Sam. Always had been Sam, because it was Sam who got hurt by Armstrong, it was Sam who wanted to get revenge on Armstrong for defeating him and crushing his spirit, it was Sam who wanted to punish Armstrong for making him into a shadow of who he once was, making Sam speak about ideals he didn’t truly believe in (like, who the FUCK even thinks that Sam truly believed a single fucking word of that, because I for sure as hell can tell he never did, he either gaslit himself into believing that for 2 years until he met Raiden or only parroted whatever the fuck Armstrong wanted him to say so he would not get killed on the spot).
Revenge and vengeance are very deep feelings and actions of hatred, feelings that are too deep and complex to be associated with morality, hence why I highly doubt that the title of the game is directed at Armstrong from Raiden’s side at all. That between Raiden and Armstrong is not nearly as personal as it has been between Sam and Armstrong. Raiden eradicating Desperado and Armstrong had been about justice [for the kids being killed and their organs sold], not revenge.
"I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now… Now I'm not so sure. And besides, this isn't my sword."
But when he says this, followed by “Let’s dance”, it became deeply personal for Raiden as well. Because he could confirm that his feelings about Sam had been right, and that Sam wanted to get revenge on Armstrong.
Raiden decides to avenge him, because Sam couldn’t get revenge himself.
Although Sam never told him directly, Raiden understood him from his actions alone, those subtle hints, reading between the lines what the other truly felt and wanted the whole time, eventually passing the “torch” — his sword — to Raiden, to finish what he could not. So while Raiden’s own reasons to finish off Armstrong were (mostly) justice for the innocent lives he destroyed and planned to continue to destroy, they also became feelings of hatred and anger — Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong.
In the end — revenge with a vengeance — is what Sam could get on Armstrong only through Raiden, after Raiden enacted his onto Sam.
Now the question is — if Raiden would’ve never killed Sam, by the chance of him recognising earlier than in canon that revenge is empty and that he won’t feel better after killing him, would Sam go by his example and abandon his revenge plans on Armstrong as well? Or would they fight Armstrong together and get justice?
We unfortunately can only speculate (or write stories about it).
What we can tell from canon though, is that Raiden’s (= Sam’s) passionate feelings of hatred towards Armstrong quickly vanish the moment he finished him off, and he looks into the camera with an empty expression, covered in blood and a crushed cybernetic heart in his hand.
And I think that is exactly what he feels — empty.
Because again, he got revenge and avenged Sam, led by what Sam felt, Sam’s feelings became Raiden’s feelings during that fight with Armstrong. But once that was gone, there’s nothing left. In the case of killing Armstrong, he doesn’t feel remorse or guilt. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Because revenge is empty.
Raiden defeated his enemies — but at what cost?
By killing Sam, he realised what he had actually lost — a potential friend (or more), someone who understood him in a way that no one else did. Perhaps he thought or felt that, if he avenges Sam, making Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong into his own, he might be able to deal with that loss better, but to no avail.
Because, and I can speak from experience as a person with the same mental health issues as Raiden, that emptiness is worse than regret.
MGR’s ending also implies that Raiden abandons his family and friends to fight his own war; essentially taking the same path that Sam once took in his past, ending up in a personal war and revenge act that knows no end, making one bad choice after the next. If Raiden hasn’t already become the villain of his own story by the end of MGR, then it’s just a matter of time until he becomes that.
And the cycle of violence continues, until the story repeats itself, over and over and over and over and over.
Did I mention already that there is a myth around Murasama being a cursed sword, that will drive its user either slowly insane or make them commit suicide if it doesn’t get a regular ‘blood sacrifice’?
—
“I really enjoy murder, but that one, that I will regret for the rest of my life.”
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tobiizuweek ¡ 1 year ago
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Prompts & Rules 2024
Hello, dear fellow fans of TobiIzu <3 The event goes into the third round! Here are now the prompts and rules for the event in 2024. If any questions occure, please don’t hesitate to contact me!
The event runs from 1 January to 7 January. You can submit your work on ao3 to the TobiIzuWeek2024 collection, if you like. The Hashtag for the event is #TobiIzuWeek2024
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Art by @annekalabaza
Image desc and rules under the cut.
Both images show a black and white drawing of Tobirama and Izuna in a top down perspective. They look up to the viewer, Tobirama with his hands at his side and Izuna with his arms crossed. Tobiramawears his amour and happuri with the senju crest, Izuna the typical Uchiah clothing. The images also list the main prompt list and the alternative prompt list as followed:
The main prompt list
Day 1: time travel / kid acquisition Day 2: ronin and samurai / vampire and hunter Day 3: any AU / any swap (generation, body, role ect.) / Crossovers Day 4: social disasters / deaf!tobirama & blind!Izuna Day 5: accidential marriage / fake hate Day 6: feeling out of place / Edo Tensei Day 7: betrayal / clan tradition
Suggested AUs: Pacific Rim, Any Pixar Movie, Western AU, Teachers AU, Incest AU, Modern AU, Historical AU, Dragons AU
Alternative prompts
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass.
The Two Towers (movie)
And death and I look each other in the eye, in the eye We dance a while, and then we kiss goodbye I'll get you closer to my hide away, lead you astray I'm like a ghost, and I'll arise behind you
Within Temptation - Cyanide Love
You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.
Brandon Sanderson - The Final Empire
Rules
Mod is @elenyafinwe​
The event takes place from 1 January to 7 January.
You can participate in any form you like. Write Fanfics, draw something awesome, post headcanons, make edits. Whatever you like. Your work doesn’t have to be in English, I trust you to follow the rules ^^
Only new works please. If you have a yet unpublished WIP, that’s fine tho!  
Any work generated by any form of AI (ChatGBT, AI "art" and the like) is strikly forbidden.
Post your work wherever you want, but if you want it to be featured here, please make a Tumblr post with the work and/or the link to your work, tag this blog and use the hashtag for the event #TobiIzuWeek2024.
You can, of course, use the hashtag on other social media, too, but keep in mind, that I’m only on Bluesky/Mastodon and will only check it there as well (and retweet it with my priv acc, you can tag me there as @/Elenyafinwe.bsky.social / [email protected]).
In the post put in all the necessary tags that apply to your work and add warnings accordingly. Please also add the prompt you choose.
NSFW is allowed (just don’t post it fully on Tumblr), as well as any Dead Dove. Just tag it properly. Generally speaking: Any content is allowed that’s also allowed on ao3. It simply has to be tagged. However, any form of harrasment of other content creators over their content for the event is not allowed and will be banned from the event.
The main focus of your work has to be on Izuna and Tobirama. Other pairings are of course allowed.
You can do all prompts, some prompts or no prompts at all … or even more than one prompt per day, if you can manage that. If you don’t like the main prompt list, you can use the alternative prompts and/or mix both lists together. Whatever you like.
You can interpret the prompts as freely as you wish.
The main event takes place in the above mentioned week. But let’s be honest: If you find this blog after this and want to add something to the party feel free to do so! Late submissions will be accepted any time after the official end. However, I will not check the Hashtag forever, so better tag this blog.
No pressure, just have fun.
@faneventshub @fandomweeks @narutoandborutoevents @narutoevents
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words-writ-in-starlight ¡ 1 year ago
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Hello, I came across your Kencyrath rec post and I am tentatively intruiged. That said I wanted to ask about a trigger before I dive in. Suicide is pretty strong trigger for me. I can handle it if it's mentioned, but detailed descriptions of the act or a lot of time spent in a suicidal character's head/thoughts dealing with suicidal ideation would not be. Is this an issue in the Chronicles of Kencyrath, and if it is, do you have a different recommendation?
Okay SO.
The Kencyrath exist in a honor/shame society, in which going against the code of honor (lying, breaking your word, etc) is considered a sin that can only be forgiven through an honorable death. Sometimes this takes the form of going into battle without the intention to come back, generally without armor, but it also takes the form of ritualized suicide with a specific kind of knife. I would call it a very specific kind of suicidal ideation, in which it doesn’t come so much from a depressive headspace as it does from a kind of rigidly religious one. There isn’t a ton of time spent in the heads of characters actively pursuing ritual suicide, nor what I would call traditional depressive suicidality, but it IS a very present element of the society, including people freely making choices with the understanding that they will be expected to take their own life afterward, or people being forced to take their own life as an alternative to being dishonored. Think samurai rules or Imperial Chinese rules and you’ll be in the right ballpark. Ultimately I can’t know the inside of your brain, but if onscreen suicide discussion or aftermath is a concern, I might table this series until you feel more ready for it.
In terms of alternative recommendations, buckle up, I have a list based on what part of the Kencyrath pitch you were into. These recommendations are made with the assumption that all the OTHER content warnings for the Kencyrath are not a problem, but I’ll note any really major ones and include a broad rating according to AO3 rules. Anything with an asterisk by it heavily features the big Chivalric Devotion vibes of the main Kencyrath dynamics. I read a lot of that.
Sprawling politics:
The Unbroken* (drafted soldier impresses daughter of the empress, they try to stop a war, full of double-crossing schemes and gallant ladies, cw colonialism, M for violence, sex, and extremely real colonialism)
The Captive Prince* (dethroned prince is sold into slavery under his mortal enemy, definitional enemies-to-lovers content, cw sexual assault, E for a very sexually relaxed culture in a bad way)
A Taste of Gold and Iron* (unambitious prince gets tangled up in a currency fraud scheme and gets a shiny new bodyguard, E for a very sexually relaxed culture in a good way)
October Daye series (starts out classic urban fantasy, rapidly becomes Blood Magic and Politics The Series, for those committed to a long series, T for violence)
Pulp fantasy adventure vibes:
Hero and the Crown/The Blue Sword* (classic sword and sorcery fantasy, for DnD lovers and people who read Horse Girl Books as kids, General Audiences)
Silver Under Nightfall* (vampire couple teams up with vampire hunter to cure a magical plague, the polyamorous murder romance you need in your life, cw coercive assault and body horror, E for gore and numerous threesomes)
Heaven Official’s Blessing***** (translated Chinese novel, very old fallen god returns to Heaven and Does His Best, for those committed to a LONG book, currently on volume 8, T for violence)
Witch King (body hopping demon tries to solve his own murder with his found family in tow, perfect standalone book, T for violence)
Spicy magic systems:
The City We Became/The World We Made (sentient cities and extra dimensional invaders, for everyone who read a lot of Avengers In NYC fic back in 2012, cw racism and survival sex work, M for sex)
Gideon the Ninth/The Locked Tomb series***** (everyone knows about this series, it’s the one with the lesbian space necromancers, cw for just the craziest flavors of abuse, M for violence and cannibalism I guess, also fits the below category)
The Gilded Ones* (what if all the misogynists who said women were demons were absolutely correct, and it was fucking rad, cw for SO much sexism and also religious indoctrination, T for violence)
A Soul to Keep* et al (okay oKAY LOOK THIS IS MONSTERFUCKER CONTENT BUT I RECOMMEND IT, local cursed woman gets forced to marry a demon, they argue a lot and the sex scenes are REAL bizarre, cw kidnapping and the second book deals with a character coming out of a severe depression, HARD E for monsterfucking, obviously)
Interpersonal relationships that are just SO fucked up:
A Dowry of Blood (a letter from Dracula’s first wife to the man himself, cw domestic abuse, M for adult themes and sex)
Remnants of Filth/Yuwu* (translated Chinese novel, loyal general becomes the jailer for his traitorous ex-lover, cw slavery and discussion of sexual assault, E for sex)
The Salt Grows Heavy (homicidal Little Mermaid and plague doctor wander through an apocalypse together, actually read everything Cassandra Khaw has ever touched, the absolute pinnacle of horror, cw all her stuff for really creative violence and body horror, M for violence and gore)
Anyway if you have any other book recommendation questions and/or you read any of these and enjoy them, hit me up, recommending books to people is genuinely one of my great joys in life.
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farewell-persephone ¡ 5 months ago
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some new-to-me movies I've enjoyed this year so far. reverse chronological watch order:
1. High Life (2018, dir. Claire Denis). Weird, disturbing prison ship science fiction. Sort of an anti-Interstellar; a cynical warning of where we're headed if we continue the depravity of prison slavery and exploitative science. Look up content warnings for this one if you need that sort of thing; it gets rough.
Interesting coincidence: I wrote a short story with a similar basic concept not long before this movie came out (I had never heard of it before last year). This movie is better than my story was.
2. Tampopo (1985, dir. Juzo Itami). Charming food comedy-western with alternately funny, touching, and absurd vignettes interspersed throughout the main plot. The egg scene...goodness, what a scene. This movie made me hungry; pair it with a bowl or two of ramen.
3. Harakiri (1962, dir. Masaki Kobayashi). A brutal and depressing story of a broken ronin seeking the end. If you know nothing about this movie, go into it blind. Absolutely loved the way this was shot.
4. Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa). Six samurai and Toshiro Mifune defend a poor village against bandits. Funny, exciting, sad, beautiful. One of the blueprints for modern action movies. Everything from a slew of westerns to Ocean's Eleven to A Bug's Life owes something to this movie.
5. Dr. Strangelove (1964, dir. Stanley Kubrick). Satirical nuclear black comedy that shows that "redpill volcel conspiracy freak" is a type of guy that has seemingly always existed.
6. Come and See (1985, dir. Elem Klimov). "Enjoyed" is a strong word for this one, as good and important as it is. I wrote a short letterboxd review after watching it (something I've sort of given up on after a few):
"In a movie festering with disturbing images, one of the most affecting—and certainly one of the most relevant—was a Nazi woman eating lobster as her cohorts burned a village.
Exhausting."
7. Delicatessen (1991, dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet & Marc Caro). Post-apocalyptic horror-comedy. Extremely French. Enough piss-yellow filtering to make Vince Gilligan blush. Kind of dreamlike and hazy in the impression that it left on me. I need to watch it again I think.
8. Amores Perros (2000, dir. Alejandro Gonzålez Iùårritu). Another one I wrote a letterboxd review for. Some excerpts:
"A story in three converging lanes about the abuse, folly, fickleness, and redemption of loyalty. Ignore surface-level comparisons to Pulp Fiction; structure and violence are not all that makes a movie."
"The recurring variations on the dreary post-rock guitar theme are some of my favorite pieces of movie music I've heard recently."
"Maybe skip if you habitually check whether or not the dog dies."
9. Cinema Paradiso (1988, dir. Giuseppe Tornatore). A beautiful movie about movies. Another one that made it to letterboxd. My short review:
"I've seen this movie described as 'nostalgic,' but I feel that it's rather about transcending nostalgia and accepting that you can never go back. I cried; I wished I'd watched it years earlier; I had the urge to make something and love it."
10. Crimson Peak (2015, dir. Guillermo del Toro). An absolutely gorgeous Gothic horror-romance. Del Toro's beautiful visual style fires on all cylinders here. Similar to Pan's Labyrinth, while the ghosts are grotesque, it's the human antagonists that provide the real horror (though I will say that the Big Reveal is obvious and feels almost quaint these days).
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cl-0v3r ¡ 5 months ago
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Hello ! I am Cleo, but I do go by other names too, you can call me Cleo, Clover, Cl for short, or Zuu.
♡
I enjoy drawing, writing, and talking about my interests like there's no tomorrow.
♡
COMISSION INFO 》♧《
♡
Although I'm currently fixated on Arcane (and will continue to be so) I'm also interested in other media, especially the following:
• I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream
• Castlevania + Castlevania Nocturne
• Lies of P
• Spiderman Into & Across the Spiderverse
• Blue eye Samurai
• Shadow & Bone (+the Six of Crows duology)
♡
I am a HUGEEE Mel Medarda lover, a big kinnie too, I literally adore Mel and she's honestly my favorite character of all time, I talk about her a LOT and im sure my friends here know how much I do, I'd genuinely die for her and her character and everything about her is AAGHHHHHH
I am obsessed with Meljay, they both have my whole heart, I do Multi-Shipping too!
I am VERY focused and fixated on Mel, Jayce, Sky and Viktor out of the whole show, there will be very little content of the other characters (as much as I ADORE almost every single one of them, these four are my top favs ♡♡)
♡
What to expect:
Doodles, lots of doodles. normal art as well (often sketches or incomplete), doodles, did I mention doodles?
fanart of various characters from the fandoms I've noted above.
Rants and takes on things (that are often unpopular opinions)
doodles
Posts of Nonsense (AKA: SHITPOSTS) I am a VERYY hyper person and I mash my keyboard to express myself as well as say random things out of pocket.
Writing Alternative universes of said favorite fandoms.
perhaps some content of my Original characters once in a millennial.
analysis and opinion sharing, my point of view most of the time
Doodl-
♡
DO NOT INTERACT IF:
You HATE/DISLIKE any of the following characters:
• Mel Medarda
•Viktor
• Jayce Talis
•Sky Young
• Ellen (IHNMAIMS)
•Hobie Brown
•Gwen Stacy
•Akemi (BES)
•Annette (Csv-N)
•Sophia (LoP)
•Inej Ghafa (S&B)
•Kaz Brekler (S&B)
• Jesper Fahey (S&B)
You ship MelVika (Mel x Sevika) i despise it.
You Glorify AM and ship him with any of the 5.
You have no media literacy, like at all. Please don't talk to me if you can't understand basic things in several medias.
You can't withstand heavy and dark topics.
You can't handle things that are considered 'cringe' (Like Headcannons for example)
You're Homophobic, Racist, Sexist, Misandrist, generally a disrespectful person towards things that aren't harming you or doing anything to you at all.
You joke about serious topics like SA or Abuse, or glorify/romanticize said serious topics.
♡ FYI: I am not very active, I am busy with my own life IRL so please do not expect to see content very often and don't forget the doodles!!
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♡ PS. I AM NOT SPOILER-FREE, I WILL POST MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ONCE THE ARCANE EPISODES ARE OUT.
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uraharasfavoriteexperiment ¡ 7 months ago
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hey guys! hayle here, one of two admins on this blog! so i'm in the editing phase of a mahito x m!reader fic involving the yawata no yabushirazu forest in ichikawa, japan, so i thought i'd make a little post including some research i've done, as well as some information regarding some of the devices mahito and reader use to communicate with the spirits in the forest they're in. read up, and feel free to reblog this to spread the info to friends!
the yawata no yabushirazu forest, commonly shortened to "yawata forest," or "the forbidden forest," ichikawa is a sizeable and fairly developed city just outside tokyo, less than half an hour away, with an estimated population of 500,000 people. ichikawa lies in the western kiba chen prefecture of east-central honshu, japan. ichikawa is located along the edo river, and across the river borders tokyo to the west, and is also located just northwest of funabashi.
the yawata forest is home to many spiritual legends, many of which are the primary reason the forest was given its name. one fairly prevalent theory about the yawata forest is that it's involved with taira no masakado, who the japanese label to be the first samurai.
another largely effective reason the forest is so famous is because of the large expanse of trees' funny little habit of whisking people away to never be seen again, which leads me to a comment mahito makes in the story: " 'did you know that this forest is part of what inspired spirited away? the studio ghibli movie?' mahito says softly, grinning."
mahito was correct in making this comment; a considerably large piece of the inspiration for studio ghibli's animated movie spirited away was the yawata forest's silly little habit of, essentially, repeated mass kidnapping.
the story in question involves some moderately heavy paranormal content, a large part of which consists of mahito and reader using some paranormal investigation devices such as the ovilus, the spirit box, the electromagnetic field (emf) reader, and more. now don't mind me while i explain the main uses of each device that appears in the story.
the ovilus - the ovilus is a communication device invented in god knows when by bill chappel. the device used by professional and amateur/just-for-fun explorers and ghost hunters in paranormal investigations. the device works by detecting electromagnetic energy- which may appear in the form of, for example, voices that living ears can't detect- then assigning a number to it that corresponds with a word in the dictionary. spirits and other entities (ie: demons, poltergeists) use the ovilus to attempt conversations with the living people who are operating the device. some alternatives to the ovilus that operate similarly are the spirit box, the hexcom, and the polterscript.
the estes method - the estes method is a method of interworld communication used by some of the more daring explorers and ghost hunters. the method was created by karl pfeiffer during his investigation of the stanley hotel in estes park, colorado, and is now a widely popular method of communication that many people use. the method requires two or more people in order for the attempt(s) to work, and it involves one- sometimes two, as seen in some of sam and colby's videos- people putting on noise-cancelling headphones that are connected to a spirit box. the person(s) wearing the headphones are also blindfolded. the other member(s) of the group ask the spirits questions and attempt general conversations with the spirits in the room or area, and the spirits or entities may choose to or not to use the spirit box to speak into the headphones, sometimes in response to questions asked by the living side of the conversation, and the wearer(s) of the headphones and blindfold repeat every word they hear. the estes method is very effective, and many questions asked receive an answer, but sometimes the words they spirits say are random, and sometimes they're unsolicited tid bits of information corresponding to the spirit's death, their opinions, their goals, etc.
the sĂŠance method - the sĂŠance method is another common communication method used by explorers and paranormal investigators. this method is sort of similar to the estes method, but this one fortunately doesn't involve cutting off people's two most important senses. the seance method involves setting candles in a circle on a table or floor and lighting them, and it's not uncommon for people to put cups of water and relevant objects inside the circle and surround the circle of candles and/or sometimes the area directly around them with a line of salt as an attempt to keep potential poltergeists and malevolent spirits at bay of physical contact; most people don't want to be scratched and burned by demons posing as little girls with depressing death stories. the sĂŠance method has been used many times in historically famous attempts at conversation with spirits, demons, poltergeists, etc., and seems to have a lightly sporadic rate of failure versus success in comparison to the estes method, which almost always works, whether it's just the spirit box spewing shit or an actual spirit.
sources :
a largely common source i'd like to give credit to for the information in this post is hada, my lovely professional ghost hunting boyfriend, fellow owner and creator and primary organization person of this account!
yawata forest location/landscape informationovilus informationthe estes methodtaira no masakadoan interesting example of an investigation/exploration of the forest
this post shall be updated as i continue to write the story. feel free to subscribe to the conversation in the comments under the post if you'd like to ask me a question or make a comment! i'm always open to new information and ideas for the story, and new bits of history as well! please do like this post if you found it interesting, and feel free to reblog this to spread the info to friends!do not copy or repost this information verbatim on other fandom and social media sites, i am a law student and i am in full understanding of my rights of copyright. you have been pleasantly warned.
note from hayle: dont ask me abt the range of post tags. also i warn you now, the story that is the reason you're reading this post involves demonic possession, and the scene is incredibly graphic.
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unprofessional-mch ¡ 5 months ago
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🌌About Me
>Hi! I'm Ares, alternatively known on XIV as Kairos. Wanted to make a silly little sideblog to post my XIV content to not overwhelm my main with all my fixations. Here's some info mostly about me & my character below <3
💎Basics
>Name - Ares
>Tumblr Accs - Follow/Likes @myersmainbtw , posting - @o-k-g-o
>Age - 23 // Pronouns - She/They
>Favorite Characters - Cid Garlond, Nero tol Scaeva, Gaius van Baelsar (my three Garlean blorbos), G'raha Tia, Alisaie Leveilleur, Y'shtola Rhul, Urianger Augurelt, & Raubahn Aldynn.
>Favorite things to do: MSQ, GPose, Raids (normal & alliance), roulettes with friends
>Yes, the specific post tags for classes are wrestling theme songs, no I will not be answering questions about it lol
✨️Character Info
>Name - Kairos Baelsar
>Main Data Center - World: Crystal - Brynhildr
>Alternative hangout: Aether - Sargatanas
>Main Class/Job - Machinist
>Alternative: Samurai
>see OC sheet below for further detailed character overview (credit to tbgkaru on twitter for the sheet):
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tolsunflowerboi ¡ 1 year ago
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MadaTobi Week 2023
DAY 2 - Teahouse/Teacher
One Lump Or Two - Find it on AO3 here!
Madara was on a mission. Madara was on an important mission and he will not get distracted. Not by the stage full of musicians and dancing performed by a handful of hosts at the far end of the room. Not by the sweet tasting alcohol being plied to every person who had a few spare coins to spend. And not by the quiet and pretty looking maiko who was currently serving tea at the table he was meant to be eavesdropping on. 
(The maiko was very pretty, with pale, jade-like skin and locks of silky white hair twisted into a simple but flattering style. Madara could see their long pale fingers as they peeked out of their sleeves when pouring the tea, before their hands returned to their lap. Maybe if he used his sharingan he could… No. He would not get distracted.)
Pulling his eyes away from the distracting maiko, he let his gaze drift around the rest of the room, taking in the other patrons. Madara was certain he wasn’t the only one staking out these particular targets; according to the Uchiha’s informants, the three men were journeying back from the capital after several meetings with the new Daimyo. They would be fools not to try and gain any information about the new Daimyo before their first summit at the Capitol. 
He was pretty confident that the two people at one of the front tables were Nara, based purely on the fact that one was face down on the table, seemingly asleep, and the other didn’t look too far behind. There was also a blonde dancer that passed frequently by their table that looked vaguely like a Yamanka. Madara couldn’t pinpoint an Akimichi; but where two of those Clans were, the third was never far behind. 
“May this one offer her guest more sake?” An older Maiko held a bottle, tipped invitingly, near his table, but Madara shook his head; the sweet flavour was nice but a bit too sickly for his taste. 
“This one can fetch an alternate flavour if her guest desires, or,” the Maiko tilted her head, drawing his eyes and bringing the other distracting Maiko back into view, “This one can arrange for a tea service if that would be preferable.” 
Madara twitched, catching the teasing smile on the Maiko’s face and felt himself flush. Apparently his, ah, appreciation, of the younger Maiko had not gone unnoticed. 
“Wh- I don’t- I…” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath to calm himself, while the Maiko giggled quietly beside him. Collecting himself, Madara nodded to the Maiko, “I’ll consider the offer but I’m content as I am for now, thank you.” Nodding in acceptance, the Maiko smiled and moved to another table, leaving him to focus back on his targets.
(The younger Maiko had disappeared, the table’s tea service obviously complete, and Madara tried not to feel disappointed. Maybe he could come back after his mission was finished and request a tea service for himself?)
Scolding himself for getting distracted again, Madara idly passed the time by watching the others around him, filing away the tidbits of information let slip by the increasingly loose-lipped nobles. 
There was a  group of young men near the stage drinking enough alcohol that you could barely see their table under all the bottles. (The new Daimyo already had ties with the Land of Iron through his first wife.)
The most-likely-a-Yamanka dancer had shifted their attention to a haughty looking pair a few tables over from the suspected Nara. Judging by the pair's long hair bangs, they were likely Hyuga; which made their stiff backed disdain for the blondes needling all the more entertaining. (There was talk of raising taxes on all imports and exports from the Capitol.)
His the Maiko was making their way over to his table with a tray of tea and settling down beside him, close enough that he could make out the pale eyelashes brushing the top of their cheeks when they blinked. (The Daimyo was offering more backing and money to the samurai, outsourcing more missions to them.)
There was a scuffle at the rear by the kitchen between some - wait WHAT?
Madara jerked his head round, staring wide eyed as the pretty Maiko prepared the cups of tea in front of them. “Wait I-” He stopped, clearing his throat and trying again, “I apologise, but I didn’t order tea, I think you’ve come to the wrong table.” As much as he wanted them to stay, Madara also didn’t want them to get in trouble with other customers for missing their orders. 
(The Maiko was even prettier up close, their beauty highlighted by their makeup; a light blush over their cheeks and their bottom lip an eye catching red. Their robes were flattering; the material tucked and layered to emphasise their slim waist, while the long, wide sleeves made their hands seem dainty and delicate.)
“This one’s guest is correct, however this one’s older sister insisted on this service, paid for by the house of course, for the enjoyment of the guest.” His Maiko’s voice was lower than expected, but fitting in a way he couldn’t describe. He flicked his eyes up while the other poured his drink, catching sight of the older Maiko who had been by his side earlier in the night standing across the room. She gave him a small smile and pointed look, dipping her head towards the younger Maiko at his side. 
(Any thoughts about the drunk nobles ceased to exist; he’d picked up plenty of information and the three drunkards were basically unconscious at their table. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to indulge in some time with his Maiko if they were offering, right?) 
Nodding in acknowledgment, Madara reached out to pick up his tea, “Of course I will gladly accept such a gift, but please, join me in drinking, there’s certainly enough tea for both of us.” And there was, the older Maiko had obviously prepared enough for two before sending the younger over, something Madara would have to remember to thank her for before leaving. 
Ruby eyes blinked at him, the colour stark against pale skin and snowy lashes, before dropping back down to the table. “If that is what you wish, then this one would be happy to provide company.” His Maiko picked up the second cup, cradling it between their hands before they sipped at it, humming slightly as they did so. Madara took note of their enjoyment; obviously jasmine was a favourite of theirs. 
(He wondered if it was just tea, or if jasmine was a favourite across other things as well. Some well made incense or maybe something sweet like mochi?)
(Madara definitely needed to thank the older Maiko; she’d picked the tea after all, and obviously she knew it was one favoured by the younger Maiko.) 
They made idle conversation as the night went on, Madara learning various things about the other as they drank. His Maiko had siblings outside of the teahouse; both older than them, though one was technically a cousin. His Maiko enjoyed learning new things; they had an extensive book collection that they added to every time they had the chance, about any topic that captured their fancy. Madara revealed his love of spicy things, which coaxed the admittance of fish and sweet things being his Maiko’s favourite flavours. 
(He’d managed to capture a few seconds with his Sharingan, while his Maiko was enjoying their tea; eyes half shut and a small smile on their face. It wasn’t exactly a smart thing to do but, well. Having a lovely memory like this that he could recall perfectly whenever he wanted was a very tempting thing.)
Eventually, once the tea was finished and the lanterns had started to burn out, Madara bid his goodbyes to his Maiko, offering some extra coins to the elder as he slipped outside. Both for her help; he could admit that he likely wouldn’t have ask for his Maiko to serve him if she hadn’t nudged things along, and also for taking up the rest of his Maiko’s night; they wouldn’t have earned as much as they could have by staying with him, so offering the difference was the least he could do. 
He’d try and come back, he decided, after his next mission. Maybe bring some sweets with him as a gift? Or look through some of the merchant stalls for interesting books? He doubted his Maiko had as many options to browse through as Madara did - his missions took him through the various neighbouring countries afterall. He was sure he could find something interesting in Lightning or Wind Country. 
(He couldn’t have known that he’d never get the chance. He’d taken up the mantle of Clan Head earlier than he’d thought he would; devastating the free time he had away from the Clan and their territories. By the time he’d made it back, his Maiko was gone.)
Madara sat stiff-backed at the table, face hard and serious as he watched the Senju opposite him. He could feel Izuna fidget slightly at his side, his own rival sat opposing him as well. Peace talks were going…steady. There were still arguments about specifics; back and forths that neither side wanted to concede. But that was good. The Clan would have been much more suspicious if there weren’t some clashing with the Senju over things. He would have been a lot more suspicious. 
Even so, tensions were higher at this meeting than others. It was the first meeting with both the Clan Heads and their Heirs; meaning it was the first meeting the Uchiha had with the White Demon attending, Senju Tobirama. 
Picking up his cup, Madara went to take the customary drink to open the meeting, watching Izuna, and both Senju, do the same. The tea was jasmine, a change from the green tea Hashirama had picked last time it was his turn to host. Ready to move things along, Madara started to lower his cup when he heard it; a small, pleased humming from across the table. Snapping his head up, he locked eyes on Tobirama, watching him sip his tea with an expression he knew. He remembered that expression, even after 10 years his Sharingan could recall it with perfect clarity. The hair, the eyes. The pale skin and the way he drank his tea. He couldn’t believe it!
“SENJU TOBIRAMA! YOU’RE MY MAIKO?” 
@madatobiweek
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wolgerrswraith ¡ 6 months ago
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twenty questions for fic writers
Tagged by @aintgonnatakethis
How many works do you have on AO3? 0 (Previously 15 or so, previously previously 22. I've deleted and orphaned a couple of accounts...)
What's your total AO3 word count? 0
What fandoms do you write for? Previously: Final Fantasy XV, Rise of The Guardians, Kingdom Hearts, Once Upon a Time. Currently: Nothing, really, except some ROTG-inspired ficlets, and one longer idea I've been messing with for the Puppet Master franchise.
Top five fics by kudos: *wind whistles through emptiness*
Do you respond to comments? Yes, but they only come up on Fanfiction. Honestly might transfer a couple stories to AO3.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Honestly forget the title, but one 2015-era KH fic had Sora die, become a Heartless, and end the universe. I don't know either.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? A FFXV fic where Noctis lived and got to be in a poly with Prompto and Luna (We do not ship shame in this house)
Do you get hate on fics? I literally got a death threat on a ROTG fic for content, and the fact Jack had shoes on.
Do you write smut? In 2015, yes. Abundantly. It was terrible, and all orphaned or deleted. Now, I've had intimated moments crop up, but I do the literary version of fading to black.
Craziest crossover: Noctis/Sora are siblings. I regret nothing.
Have you ever had a fic stolen? Partially, but it was with permission.
Have you ever had a fic translated? Unfortunately, without permission.
Have you ever co-written a fic before? Attempted, and it went to total hell.
All time favourite ship? Killian Jones/Emma Swan & Sora/Kairi. I will not choose between them, and you can't make me.
What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? An extremely rebooted version of ROTG where Jack Frost becomes an ice fae that controls all versions of ice and snow, terrorizing most of the world. It got partially written in 2015 as total garbage, and only exists now as an injoke with a close friend of mine.
What are your writing strengths? I weirdly kept extremely on model with FFXV. People often praised how natural the banter was between the 'Bros, and how close to the game it felt. Dialogue often feels easy to write when I know the characters well.
What are your writing weaknesses? In my opinion, everything ever, but being honest, it's endings and keeping the pace.
Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If I don't speak it, I don't get to write in it.
First fandom you wrote in? Kingdom Hearts in, uhhh... 2006. In a spiral notebook. It was terrible.
Favourite fic you’ve written? Cheating slightly, but I did a long series of FFXV spin offs/prequels/things called The Brotherhood. One was an alternate reality where the events of FFXV took place in a samurai inspired past. That came out really good, and could honestly be a whole thing.
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galacticnova3 ¡ 2 years ago
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Assorted screenshots of my thoughts/ideas and a doodle related to RtDD. Contains minor to major spoilers, which will be under a readmore. However for folks in the tags who don’t want spoilers, I do have a shitpost regarding the giant boot items/puzzles so this post isn’t a total nothing burger for you.
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Anyways now for the bulk of what I was too impatient not to post. Again, spoilers for new contentďżź!
First and foremost, I wish everyone who ever called me weird or said I was reaching with my headcanons regarding Lor being sapient and not solely just under the control of Magolor or whatever powers that be a very GET FUCKED FOREVER. BOAT PLAY BEHAVIOR REAL.
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Next, Magolor’s win animation in Samurai Kirby took me out for a solid 10 minutes and I was compelled to make this.
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I also had another thought regarding things with Lor in Magoland. Specifically boat experiences mask noise jumpscare.
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And while I am gonna wait a bit longer before saying anything about [the horrors](including the alternative joke name I thought of for them), I did make this doodle based on a recent catcrumb post and my experience in the poor little meow meow mode.
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And then finally here is me being extremely normal about a mask. Did I immediately notice all the inconsistencies with this design when compared to previous in-game appearances Nova has had? Yes. Did that make me not happy to see them again acknowledged as a character in spite of only being tangentially relevant to this game due to special obscure dialogue from Magolor? Absolutely not, I didn’t name 99% of my accounts places after Nova for nothing. Love that cat clock. My brain rot is terminal
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I do plan on posting some actual headcanon-y stuff soon(particularly regarding Doomers and a certain headpiece), but it’ll be once the game has been out for longer to reduce the odds of people being spoiled by mistake. That stuff will be shared on my sideblog dedicated to such things, @nova-starcutter. You’ll never guess just by the name of the blog what kinds of headcanons I tend to think about most.
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ao3feed-narumitsu ¡ 1 year ago
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Sometimes a Family is Two Lawyers, a Teenaged Psychic, and Her Little Cousin
read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/48790720
by VTsuion
Phoenix Wright doesn't know where things stand with Miles Edgeworth and isn't sure he wants to know. His old friend suddenly showing up at his doorstep after practically coming back from the dead to help save Maya Fey from Shelley De Killer and kissing him doesn't make things any simpler. Lucky for Phoenix, Maya (and Pearl) are on the case.
A new chapter every 2 weeks.
Words: 1585, Chapters: 1/3, Language: English
Series: Part 4 of Love and Turnabout
Fandoms: 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey
Relationships: Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey & Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey & Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey & Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey & Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey
Additional Tags: Developing Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Friendship, Family, Meddling, Matchmaking, Teasing, Getting Together, Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship, Steel Samurai, Post-Gyakuten Saiban 2 | Justice For All, Gyakuten Saiban 2 | Justice For All Spoilers, Post-Case 2-4: Farewell My Turnabout, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/RvSAobF This is an automatic feed of all new stories posted to the Miles Edgeworth/Phoenix Wright tag on AO3. Because of that, it is not guaranteed that Miles and Phoenix are the main characters in the story, nor the only ship. Please verify content upon clicking through to AO3.
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geewintg ¡ 1 year ago
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What does it take to be human?
Fandom: Genshin Impact Characters: Scaramouche/Kabukimono/Wanderer Summary: An alternate universe of Scaramouche.    There was legend among the rural people of Inazuma. Of a yokai who steals hearts. Trigger Warning: The following content contains gore and depictions of violence.
--- There's a legend that whispers through among the rural areas of Inazuma… of a yokai who steals hearts. They leave their victims sprawled on the ground only to be found by villagers the next day at dawn. Its whole body—still intact, yet a hole, punctured through their chest.
It was a thing they could not appease. It haunts, it grabs, then steals. That’s why they say never go through the forest once the sun is set. You never know if you’ll be the one to be the kabukimono’s next feast. That’s what the villagers call him.
It had no name. It could not be appeased. They do not know what incited its wrath. It doesn’t run with rationality.
It doesn’t claim to be a higher living being to be flattered. It doesn’t demand. It just takes, and takes, and takes whatever it can. Whenever it can. But there’s one thing the villagers know of—it wants the heart.
People, who was unfortunate enough to chance an encounter with kabukimono yet had slipping luck to be able to run back unscathed, said he eats the hearts of his victims. One was a child. They were playmates. Until they went into the forest and the other had his heart ripped out in front of the unfortunate child.
As the kabukimono was busy with his friend, he ran for his life. But before he gets far enough, he looked back one last time to see his friend’s lifeless figure and the kabukimono sitting beside it before they disappeared among the green layers of the reticent forest. He saw how the heart in its hand being swallowed by the being that forever scarred his childhood.
Then next was a young woman who’s soon-to-be-wed. A pearl of the village. The most kind and humble; sought after even after her engagement. The day before the grand event, she was found sitting under one of the trees. Bright red berries scattered on the viridian forest floor—her heart gone. She only went out to pick herbs.
It stops at no one. Even the most fearsome of men—a skilled samurai—parts of him found deep within an area cleared by the remnants of conflict. Some of them were hanging by the branches, some were just on the ground, and some… blown off to bits. They all collected it one by one, bit by bit. They were all complete, except for one—the heart was missing.
As they’ve said, it’s not something to be appeased, it’s not something to be pleased. It’s not some divine being who wishes for a sacrifice every once a thunder strike. It’s there. It lurks. It seeks. Then grabs you at the chance it gets.
Stricken with fear and panic, the people left the village one by one. The last incident was enough to have them tuck their tails and pray to their archon for dear life. If a man, honed by the art of his clan’s blade and sharpened like the weapon he wields by his experience in war, was torn to nothing but pieces of a broken doll, then what’s stopping it from hunting the entire village like pigs in the slaughter?
They had to make sure that their own wouldn’t be the next. And so they flee.
And soon enough, the remaining family who stood by the village also left. A pair of curious but unhinged eyes watched them as they fill their courier with barrels of goods and crates of their belongings. Then they went away.
That was the last of them.
The yokai who owned this pair of eyes watched and waited until they disappeared down the road they took. Then gazes back to the abandoned village once more who looked nothing short of a ghost town. The walls were dirty and gray; the road remained uncleaned. Patches of holes on the roofs and windows while small yards of crops were left wilted.
Dilapidated. With no people left to tend to it, it had no telling glee who reels him in for comfort. For the first time, he set foot outside of the forest. The teal grass that tickles the soles of his feet turned to dirt that smeared his skin as he ventured further through the ruin.
Where kids would have been happily gazing down the creek, the kabukimono did as well. Only to be stared back by his own reflection. Sanguine eyes filled with curiosity. A delicate face of seemingly no ill-intent framed by soft fringes of hair as dark as the violet silhouette of the Inazuman sky after lightning flashes. Its robes of white and accents of purple made with the finest materials is ornated by splashes of red which seemed to have dried in different periods of time. It came to the point where the crimson was as dark as black.
To any sane human, it would have bothered them, but to something like the kabukimono, it didn’t hold it to any regard. For it was not human to begin with. That… it knows.
It continued its stroll, looking onto porches of houses once occupied by women who gossips merrily as they do their house chores while their husbands were out during field work. Children would run around in these dirty streetways, playing ball or catching butterflies. They all had that glint of merriment as a whole.
It makes him wonder how would it feel like in his own. The expression of laughter—of when children play; of sorrow—when circumstances did not go to one’s favor; of grief—when faced with the lose of a loved one; of comfort—when people come to share that feeling with another in solace.
Some of them, kabukimono does not understand. Some of it seemed so paradoxical. Love in the moment of hurting. Cry in the happiest of occasion. Laugh in the most absurd situation that are at odds.
Kabukimono simply cannot.
As he stepped out of a house, the air sizzled with ripe tension of electro energy. They are indeed gone.
They’ve left him too. Just as the first one did.
He continued to another house. But that’s where he didn’t know he’d meet the greatest confusion in his lifetime.
A child. Crying. Curled in a ball. Left alone.
Alone…
Why is a child here alone? Didn’t they all leave? Why is a child here?
This… kabukimono could not fathom yet again.
A child so sickly and frail, his arms could easily snap like a twig if a mere breeze passes by. Pale as white as sheet, the color of its skin. Dried lips that haven’t tasted any drop of water for days.
A poor helpless being.
Abandoned by its own. Just like him.
It was left to die.
But… kabukimono has never seen such event. He thought humans would protect their young ones even to their dying breath. One even sacrificed their own in exchange for the child he took.
Isn't human love said to be boundless?
This one yet seems to have accepted its fate. It gave the kabukimono a glance when he approached near. It did not reach out for help, nor did it scream like people usually do when they see him.
"Where's everyone?" It asked, tired and rather solemn for someone its age, as if it already knew the answer yet still hoped.
Met by a simple yet curious remark, "Why are you here?"
There was a moment of silence before the child spoke. “This is my home.”
But everyone already left.
Intrigued, the kabukimono stayed by the child’s side, watching it as it tosses and turn. Then the child spoke again, weakly, “Aren’t you going to leave too?”
Kabukimono tilted his head in a manner to convey his confusion, much like how he had seen people do when they are met with something they do not understand.
“I’ve never… seen you in the village… Who are you?”
Then kabukimono replied. “No one. I live here.”
The child stammered out his surprise. Then it was quiet once again when it entered into a state of pondering.
In some days, the child lets out a noise that carries distress that prompted kabukimono to ask, “What seems to be the problem?”
The child would wail. “I’m hungry…”
Ah, food… sustenance of life. Humans need to eat in order to sustain themselves.
This was the first kabukimono stood up and left after sitting and watching the child for a while. It wasn’t long until he came back with berries and fruits he foraged in the forest. He plopped them beside the human child and sat again with knees against the wooden floor board, watching with great interest for the child’s next move.
The child got up and picked one of the smaller berries. But after a few minutes, it clutched its stomach and winced.
“What’s wrong?” Kabukimono asked once again.
“I can’t… I can’t eat it,” it murmured in pain and disappointment. “I need soup.”
“Soup…” The yokai—as the child presumes—mimicked.
Kabukimono got up again and disappeared.
He came back with a bowl of soup which he settled down beside the sleeping child. Then he sat again in the corner and waited. He watched as it got up and slowly lifted the bowl to its lips and drank slowly.
How curious… Humans need food to survive. If not, they’d succumb to what they call death. And they are afraid of death.
But kabukimono has no need of that. He has no need for food. He does not understand the fear of death.
Those are nothing but concepts to him. But it makes him curious… It’s what makes humans simply humans.
The boy didn’t finish the soup before it went back to its rest. Kabukimono stared at what remains in the bowl as he came to collect it.
It’s what makes humans… humans.
He slowly took a sip out of it. His eyes went hollow blank.
It was… nothing.
--
The child needed care and assistance and driven by great interest, he provided. Time and time again, there’s one persisting question that drives his whole existence into shame:
What does it take to be human?
But even after such lengths, he could not fully understand. Why couldn’t he be human?
Even the one who created him said he has too soft of a heart to complete the task he was made for. What she sought was the vision of eternity—a force that is unrelenting and perpetual. He was the opposite of that. Therefore, he was abandoned.
Disposed.
But where is that heart she speaks of?
If he’s not the force that he was meant to be created, what is he?
Those were the questions kept in his mind as he wandered around. Then he found human settlement.
He was able to fit in quite well. However, things took a turn. They noticed how he doesn’t age and the exceptional abilities he was able to carry out his task. At first, it was some sort of miracle and it kept the villagers in awe, but then transitioned to how they knew there was something different about him… something that is wrong.
The old generations became indifferent while the new openly despised him. Yet he doesn’t seem to know the reason at all.
Then a great tragedy struck the village. All fingers pointed at him.
“This is all your fault,” they exclaimed. “You are disgraced by the electro archon and so she has sent her wrath to us because of you!”
They knew about the insignia. Of how he wasn’t like them at all. He had no choice but to flee. If he weren’t the way he is, would he have lived perfectly with them?
…if only he was human, they wouldn’t have sent him away.
What does it take to be human?
The child grew with a little weight added to his once slender bone figure. But he was still sickly and frail.
Instead of staying in bed for days, it’d often come out and sit by the porch to watch the purple sky. He’d often watch him too. Of how soft mousse hair would play with the breeze, how a smile would curve their eyes when they point to a weirdly-shaped cloud.
There was something inside kabukimono that he can’t bring to word. But he knew that it brings him great serenity.
He’s contented.
Kabukimono was contented.
He didn’t want anything of this to change.
“Promise we’ll be forever, like family…”
The child turned to him with big doe eyes, hands clutching the blanket around him tighter as the wind picks up. “Like a pinkie promise?”
Kabukimono remembered something he’d watched from children. Of when they curl their pinkies together and smile brightly after. They would say, “pinkie promise?” and swore they’ll never break their words.
“Yes.”
But then they didn’t.
They didn’t stay forever like family.
He could only stare at the lifeless form of the boy he once knew. Face pale and devoid of the shine he loves admiring.
The air around was silent. So suffocating he couldn’t even hear his ragged breaths.
Everything is silent.
That can’t be right…
There should have been those tiny little beats. A slow-paced rhythm. A sign of life.
But when he tried to listen to their chest, there weren’t any.
That couldn’t be right.
He doesn’t know what to do. Clenching his jaw with their body limp in his arms, his face couldn’t be discerned. His shaky hand made its way to their chest. With one swift movement, out was the heart.
Their heart—just like any other he held—beats no more.
What does it take to be human?
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