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Pine's Ridiculously Long List of Free Japanese Study Materials
First Month Edition
All my current study materials, because sharing found resources is caring. These are not JLPT-specific and are for pre-beginners to beginners like me. I can't believe I have been studying for a month. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. I am a slow learner, but that's okay. Find a community because it truly does make a difference. Shoutout to Seitokai's Nihongo Discord, and to @tokidokitokyo whose post let me know about it and is just overall a great person too.
Main study material: Marugoto Online A1 Self-Study Kastudoo and Rikai with downloaded PDF and Wordbook (my original post about it)
Supplemental references:
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar (The only NOT free resource in this list, sorry! The e-book sold on Amazon does not have good reviews as it's a scanned copy of the book, rather than a properly formatted e-book. A free alternative to this is JapBase which also contains Intermediate and Advanced content.)
Marugoto Plus which accompanies the Marugoto courses and includes videos, audio files, etc.
Apps: Anki, Renshuu
Anki decks:
Tatsumoto's Kana (Recognizing and Writing)
Tatsumoto's AnkiDrone Sentence Pack V7
Official KanjiDamage Deck (from the creator of KanjiDamage, crude language warning for both the deck and the site)
Marugoto A1 Rikai Katsudoo 2021
Dictionaries:
Rikaitan browser extension (installed JMDict English V4, JMExtra, ćĽćŹčŞććłčžĺ
¸(ĺ
¨é), and Kanjium)
Takoboto app (with offline access)
Other resources:
Sukiruma for practice writing sheets
Reader Ttsu for reading Japanese materials on a browser (used in conjunction with Rikaitan, since I couldn't find an e-book reader that I can install a Japanese dictionary in)
Sousakuba for downloadable genkouyoushi without watermarks
Youtube:
Favorites marked with a âď¸.
Comprehensible Input for what it says on the tin, in bite-size formats
Daily Japanese with Naoko for vlogs with Japanese subtitles
Dogen for the funny videos that you can learn from and/or relate to
Game Gengo because Japanese learning through games, and has JLPT geared content if you're looking for it
Gino Kei who has shorts teaching Japanese in a not so serious way
Hiro - Food in Japan for cooking videos, not in Japanese, but these make me crave for Japanese food anyway so that counts
âď¸ Japan Eat for Japanese food commentary in English and also makes me hungry. So, yeah, not in ćĽćŹčŞ but it's delicious so that also counts
Japanese Koro mostly for kana reading practice which actually helps you get short serotonin boosts for when you do actually get to read the words correctly
Japanese Quest which plays games in Japanese
âď¸ Japarrot! for fun, animated comprehensible input videos
Let's ask Shogo for culture content
âď¸âď¸âď¸ Matcha Samurai for delightfully unhinged culture content, debunking Japanese misconceptions one video at a time
Namba Tsuyoshi for no narration Japanese walk with me style vlogs, very chill and relaxing
âď¸ NihongoDekita with Sayaka for fun, short grammar content
ShekMatz Japan has videos/playlists where she teaches Japanese in Tagalog, so if you can't understand Tagalog, you'd better skip it
Sora The Troll because why not
âď¸ Takashii from Japan is honestly one of my favorites, even before I started learning Japanese. His interviews are just really good!
Taro's Sewing because my toxic trait is thinking I can sew the cool things they post. Also comes with short Japanese commentary on screen
Tokyo Lens counts as uh, immersion even if it's not in Japanese, but it's in Japan so that counts? Yeah, let's go with that
ăăăăăăăă for Japan vlogs/walk with me with Japanese and English subtitles
Yomii Japan Piano if you like piano and the occasional trolling
Japanese Calligrapher Takumi because my other toxic trait is thinking I can write this beautifully
#i probably should have typed this on my laptop but alas i had to do this on the go because my impulse compels me#uwunav#uwulog#japanese langblr#japanese studyblr#grammar#vocabulary#reading#reference#japanese
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The Curse of Cassandraâ(Qimir x Reader)
Read in Ao3 : here
Pairings: Â Qimir x f!reader(SEA Reader) Â [The Acolyte]
Content Rating : Mature 18+ Â Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warning (AT YOUR OWN RISK)
tags/themes : Alternate Universe - Dune & Star wars, Partners in Crime, Strangers to Lovers
Summary: Being a prophet is both a gift and a curse; you see the future and youâre burdened with the weight of knowing that every decision you make could shape or destroy entire universe, with the overwhelming pressure that the fate of the galaxy hinges on your choice, and every path fraught with sacrifice.
Status: Completed (Finally! đ)
A/N : I'm thai and english isn't my first language (sorry for the broken English)
This fic exists 'cause I got high (thanks to weed!). So my work's full of random shit in many ways. But I hope you'll dig it.
I got inspo from novels and movies I'm obsessed with: Dune, Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, Blue Eye Samurai, and Anne Carson's Cassandra Float Can. (Hence the title "The Curse of Cassandra," linking to the Greek myth)
It's a mash-up of different universes, not just Star Wars, with a lot of tweaks for my storyline. If you want fanfic that strict Star Wars canon, this fic isn't for you.
Also, diversity FTW! the reader in this fic isn't white, she's a SEA woman, we gonna representing ASEAN pride.
âĄÂ EP : 1 // EP : 2 // EP : 3 // EP : 4 // EP : 5 // EP : 6 // EP : 7 // EP : 8 // EP : 9 // EP : 10 // EP : 11 // EP : 12 // EP : 13 // EP : 14 (Completed)
[Intro] A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
What fate could be worse?Â
Being captured by JediÂ
Or being hunted by Sith
You close your eyelids, frowning at the stabbing sensation creeping into your brain. It's always like this when you try to sink into the stream of time, pondering what's yet to come. The price for this wicked foresight is torment of both body and soul, intensifying as your senses expand.
You see, you hear, you feel. The moisture in the air, the sound of water droplets hitting the ground, the wind rustling through the grass, the capillaries in your nasal cavities twisting and rupturing before blood gushes from your nose.
As you casually wipe away the red fluid with the back of your hand, you suddenly realize certain truths that have always been part of you.Â
You are an aberration, something repulsive. An Abomination.Â
And abominations must be eliminatedâso they say.
You let out a long sigh, allowing your mind to drift through the past, present, and futureâevery possible event and situation. You watch it all with a numb mind, as if you've seen the same movie hundreds or thousands of times, a movie whose ending you already know well.
Yet there's one thing you still don't know: which ending will the path you're on now lead to?
Something pulls you out of your meditation, coinciding with the moment you sense someone's piercing gaze openly fixed upon you. That man is watching you from the shadows behind a large tree, not with malicious intent but with curiosity mixed with several other complex emotions too ambiguous to explain.
You remain seated in meditation at the same spot, amidst the blood and corpses of the Jedi, not daring to move, almost forgetting even to breathe.
You are the last one still breathing, the final victim of the Jedi massacre carried out by the mysterious SithâThe Stranger who is now closely observing you.
His face is completely hidden beneath a dark, twisted metal mask. Yet you can still feel his gleaming eyes surveying your body, as far as sight allows, focusing excessively, even invasively.
The curiosity in his mind is so intense that you find yourself trembling.
You see visions of what might happenâthere's a high chance he'll rush in to slice you to pieces with his red lightsaber, searching for secrets or whatever might be hidden inside your body. Or he might subjugate you with his Force, using his power to penetrate your mind, deep into your subconscious, hoping to taste the forbidden fruit of secrets that you alone possess.
But he will never know, as long as you don't wish him to.
The scent of death hangs heavy in the air as heavy footsteps crunch over gravel, approaching you slowly, like a predator toying with its prey. You freeze, every muscle in your body tense, as you face the tall figure in dark cloak, his visage concealed behind a strange metal mask carved into a distorted smile.
For a moment, this man reminds you of the grim reaper from ancient religious myths that vanished thousands of years ago.
He is the harbinger of death everywhere he goes, including your own death
Awareness strikes like a warning signal. Various possibilities flash through your memory, similar to how a dying person recalls everything that happened in their life.
You instantly realize how crucial this moment is. This is an incredibly fragile juncture.Â
There's a fifty percent chance he'll kill you, and another fifty percent chance he'll spare your life.Â
Fear spreads throughout your flesh, imprinting itself on your soul, turning your blood ice-cold. Your pulse races with panic.Â
You take a deep breath, quickly focusing, trying hard to regain control of your shaken mind. "I must not fear," you mutter to yourself, the same phrase your mother used to teach you as a child. "Fear is the mind-killer, fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration..."Â
A low, hoarse laugh escapes from behind the metal mask. Clearly, he heard what you said. "Oh, I think you should fear," he says, his words teetering between mockery and sarcasm.
You know he wants you to fear because, for the Sith, fear leads to power.
 You do the opposite, swallowing the lump of fear in your throat, maintaining a calm demeanor as you force a faint smile for the person before you.Â
"Humans fear what they don't know, just as they fear me, and just as they fear you." You pause momentarily, carefully considering your final sentence, which could determine your fate.Â
Finally, you speak, firm and unwavering, "But I know you, so I do not fear."Â
There's a fifty percent chance he'll kill you, and another fifty percent chance he'll spare your lifeâthis thought returns to your mind once more.
He had always kept his secret well, never letting anyone who knew his true identity survive.
You know well that your revelation will bring about an end that changes everything, both for better and for worse.
This is the gamble you've already placed your bet on, for this purpose and for this moment.
The lightsaber hilt in his hand remains tightly closed, showing no sign of the red flame that has taken countless lives. He kneels before you, his action clearly revealing vulnerabilities in his body. You could easily grab the lightsaber from the Jedi's corpse and behead him in one stroke.
But you don't kill him, just as he doesn't kill you.
You look into his eyes, he looks into yours, gauging each other in silence.
His large hand reaches beneath his mask, unlocks the mechanism, and slowly removes it, revealing the familiar face in your sight.
His face is sharp in every proportion, with messy jet-black hair. His eyes, once gentle when touched by sunlight, now cold as ice, contrast starkly with the smile slowly spreading wide, in the same fashion as the smile on the mask he wore earlier.
"Qimir"
His name sounds strange when you utter it, as if it's not a name you're familiar with, and the man before you is not the man you know.
The man chuckles softly and moves even closer, cutting off any chance for you to escape. You swallow hard, trying to turn your face away from his intense gaze. But he doesn't let you. His fingers, wet with others' blood, dig into both of your cheeks, pressing hard enough to hurt, forcing you to look only at him.
"Surprised?" He leans in closer, his hot breath on your face, and whispers softly in your ear, "I told you, you can't run away from me."
#qimir x reader#qimir x y/n#the stranger x reader#qimir fic#qimir x you#the acolyte x reader#star wars#the acolyte#qimir#star wars fic#the acolyte fic#Angst and Tragedy#Strangers to Lovers#no gods no masters no beta not edited either im going to sleep#english isn't my first language#The Curse of Cassandra
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âLove In The Time Of Cholera And Coffee â
Part One: Chapters 1-6
Five x Female Reader, Klaus x Female Reader
You and Klaus are in a casual relationship. No ties, just sex. When you start spending a lot of time at his apartment, you somehow manage to break through his brother's prickly outer shell. He seems to like you, or at least tolerate you the best that Five can. When you start to realize that maybe there is more than just mutual friendship between the two of you, it opens up a lot of feelings and unanswered questions. And a lot of problems.
This story contains sexually explicit material! (But also lots of humor and fluff)
Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
Multi-Chapter Fic, Cross-posted on AO3. Link to my Master List.
This story alternates between the reader's POV and Five's POV. I will update a chapter at a time going forward. If you'd like to read it on AO3's format, here is the Link to story on AO3.
Thank you for reading!
Chapter One: Motivation, Routine, and Caffeine
You have been sort of dating Klaus for several weeks already. Not exactly his girlfriend and not exactly not his girlfriend. You are something in between and you are ok with that. You donât need a major commitment and you are content with a casual relationship. Maybe not forever, but for right now it suits your needs. Klaus is fun and easygoing, and always makes you feel relaxed. He can be selfish sometimes, that is true, but you are willing to overlook it for the most part. As long as he doesnât bring his selfishness into the bedroom, which so far he has not, then you could live with it.
The sex is good. Which is probably the real reason youâve been hanging around so long. Without the sex, there isnât a whole lot keeping you there. You donât have a lot in common, except that you both like watching old English-dubbed Samurai movies on TV late at night while passing a joint back and forth. You donât even like smoking that much, but Klaus has a way of making everything seem alluring and sexy, so you never hesitate when he takes a long hit off a joint and hands it over to you.
You spend a lot of your time at his apartment. You work a lot of hours, and sometimes have to work late, and his apartment is much closer than yours. Thatâs actually where you had met Klaus, at the bakery and coffee shop that you manage. He had come in for a tea and started making small talk with you. Before you knew it, he had you cracking up when he made a joke about eating your muffin. You werenât even offended; thatâs just part of the magic of Klaus. He can say pretty much anything and get away with it.
It doesnât hurt that heâs one of the most beautiful men on the planet. Honestly, sometimes youâre jealous of how every single piece of clothing looks amazing on him and he never seems to have a bad hair day. Being with Klaus is like walking around in the company of some ancient Greek sculpture come to life. He draws eyes wherever he goes, from both men and women, and heâs never shy about returning the looks, either.
He likes to go shopping with you to help you pick out clothes, and he always lets you know if they look good on you or not. Heâs funny, and sweet, and itâs very easy to fall under his spell. With Klaus you get the best of both worlds; a fun best friend that you can share clothes and gossip with, but who you also get to fuck.
That initial run-in with him eventually led to a few hook ups, and now you are a regular visitor at his place. It works out well. He always stays up late, so itâs no big deal if you swing by on your way out of work at midnight.
You are also working a lot in order to hopefully buy the shop from the current owner. Soon, youâll have enough cash, along with a loan from the bank, to buy it. And you already run the place, anyway. It has always been a dream of yours to be able to own your own business.
So, between the long hours and financial preparation for the purchase, you donât have a whole lot of free time. Most of what you do have, you spend with Klaus since itâs convenient and fun. Which, as it turns out, means you are also spending a lot of time with his brother.
You knew from the beginning who Klaus was. You know all about The Umbrella Academy and the Hargreeves family, because everyone does. Not that theyâre really a household name anymore, but you know all about their history and their powers. So, when you found Klaus shared an apartment with Number Five, you were intrigued. You knew he had gone missing for a long time, but didnât really know the whole story. Klaus had filled you in one night, though, and you were left feeling sorry and sad for him. That is, until you met him.
The first time you were there, sitting on the couch with Klaus watching TV, Five had teleported directly into the living room and scared the living shit out of you. After you screamed, he looked at you like you were some sort of flea-ridden possum that had gotten inside the house when someone left the door open.
âHoly shit!â you had shrieked, clutching at your chest and trying to catch your breath.
Without addressing you in any way, or introducing himself, Five glared at you, then turned to Klaus with a scowl. âKeep your feet off the coffee table. And stop leaving the goddamn milk out.â
Then he was gone again, in a swoosh of light, leaving you staring at an empty space.
âWow, that was intense. Does he always do that?â you had asked Klaus.
Klaus just laughed and nodded, putting his feet back up on the coffee table. âOh yeah, thatâs just Five. You get used to it.â
âHe seems kind of scary. And angry.â
âFivey? Oh no, not at all. My big brother is really just a mushy little teddy bear all dressed up in a three-piece suit. Trust me, his bark is much bigger than his bite.â Then Klaus creased his eyebrows together in thought and pointed his joint at you. âBut, maybe try not to piss him off too much. Just in case.â
Because of what you learned about Fiveâs time travel mishaps, he looked younger than Klaus and a few years younger than you. You were somewhere in between the two of them. But Five definitely had the grumpy, older brother thing down. After you got used to him appearing and disappearing without warning, you started to loosen up around him a little bit. Even though Klaus told you he was really a softy inside, you have a hard time believing it from the way he acts around you. After several weeks straight of being ignored, you decide to call him out on his bullshit.
Five appears out of a portal of blue directly in front of you as you are on your way to the bathroom. As usual, he gives you his signature sneer and is about to walk past you when you grab him by the arm. He looks down at his arm where your hand is and then back at your face; a murderous glint in his eyes.
âWhat the hell is your problem?â you ask him, doing your very best not to show your nerves.
âMy problem? I donât have a problem, thank you. Now let go of me.â
His voice is hard, but he also hasnât tried to pull away, and you keep your hand on him. His upper arm is much firmer and solid than you had expected and you can feel his bicep flexing under your fingers.
âWhy are you always so rude? I havenât done anything to you.â
Five rolls his eyes and sighs. âChrist. Look, Iâm sorry if Iâm not dying to be all buddy-buddy with you. I learned a while ago that itâs not exactly worth getting to know my brotherâs flavor of the month.â
You know heâs meaning to insult you, but you end up laughing instead. Itâs no secret that Klaus is a total man-whore and youâre fine with that. Itâs nothing serious and if another man came along that you were interested in, Klaus wouldnât mind that, either. In fact, heâd probably want to meet him.
âLook, your mean old man act is wearing a little thin. It wouldnât kill you to be somewhat nice once in a while. Maybe even get to know me? Most people think Iâm a fucking delight.â
Five gives a sarcastic snort of laughter and looks back at your hand on his arm. This time, you let go. âHow about this, sweetheart? If youâre still around next week, Iâll consider finding out how much of a fucking delight you are.â
You smile and hold out your hand, ignoring his condescension. âAlright, old man. Deal.â
You notice a tiny twitch of the corner of his mouth, but then itâs gone again. He looks cautiously at your hand, like heâs not sure what to do with it at first, and then he gives it a quick shake with his own before muttering something under his breath and blinking away again.
It is exactly one week later, and you havenât forgotten Fiveâs deal. He has been slightly more cordial to you in the past seven days, but he still doesnât take the time to stick around more than two minutes to talk to you. So, youâre practically beaming with satisfaction that you get to rub it in his face and actually make him talk to you.
You corner him in the kitchen one morning, as heâs pouring a cup of coffee. âHi!â you exclaim loudly as his back is turned to you, and you laugh when he almost spills his coffee everywhere.
âFuck!â he yells, before turning around and glaring at you.
You bounce on your toes and clap. âGuess what today is?â
âI can only hope that itâs National Leave Your Boyfriendâs Brother The Fuck Alone Day?â
You give a fake laugh and shake your head. âNo, dummy. And heâs not my boyfriend, anyway. Itâs been a week and Iâm still here, right in your grumpy little face. So, now you have to talk to me.â
âI most certainly do not,â he states dryly before taking a sip of his coffee and then making a face of disgust. âDamn it, Klaus cannot make a decent pot of coffee to save his life.â
âOh my gosh, thatâs what I told him! Itâs the worst!â
That seems to pique Fiveâs interest a little and he gives a small smile. âHe buys the cheapest shit ever. Everyone knows the secret to good coffee is â"
âQuality coffee beans.â
He looks stunned that you said exactly what he was going to say and he lowers his mug. âYeah, thatâs right.â
âSee? If you had taken the time to know me a little, you would know that I actually manage a cafĂŠ. I know all about good coffee.â
You donât know him well enough to recognize all of his expressions, but if you could guess, youâd say he looks somewhat impressed.
You continue on. âAnd, since I know firsthand that Klausâs coffee is total shit, I have started bringing my own with me. Wait right here.â
You leave, go into Klausâs bedroom, and pull out a small bag of coffee grounds from the overnight bag you brought with you. When you return to the kitchen, Five is still waiting there, and you hold it up for him to see.
âNow, move out of the way so I can dump that swamp water out and make us something good.â
Five actually does what you say, and moves out of your way, allowing you to clean out the pot and fill the coffee maker up with fresh water and your special grounds. He doesnât say anything, but heâs watching you intently. Itâs slightly unnerving but you try to ignore it.
When youâre done and all you can do is wait for the coffee to brew, the two of you stand on opposite sides of the kitchen, leaning against the countertop. Five has his arms crossed over his chest and you start fidgeting with your hands, picking at your nails and cuticles. Your boldness from just a few minutes ago has faded.
âSo, youâre the manager of a cafĂŠ?â Five finally asks, breaking the silence.
âYes. Soon to be owner, if things go well.â
Five raises his eyebrows and nods his head in approval. âSounds like a smart move.â
âI hope so. Itâs a big step, but Iâm ready for it. I want to be my own boss.â
Five nods his head again, but doesnât say anything. After another minute of silence, the coffee maker beeps. Thankful for something to do, you pull out two new clean mugs and pour each of you a cup. When you hand one to Five, he takes it from you and you notice his hands. They look strong, with taught tendons running down the backs and long, slender fingers. Youâve always had a thing for hands.
âHoly shit,â Five says, his forehead creased with lines.
âWhat? No good?â you ask, genuinely surprised that he wouldnât like it.
âNo, quite the opposite. This is perfect!â
You laugh and hold up your mug. âAnd you didnât want to get to know me.â
Five makes a face that kind of resembles a smile and takes another drink. âWell, if Iâd known you made coffee like thisâŚâ
You laugh again and shake your head. âKlaus insists you are just a big teddy bear, and maybe Iâm beginning to see it. Underneath all that crabbiness, anyway.â
âIâm not crabby,â Five insists, giving you the crabbiest frown ever.
âOh, ok. Sorry. Curmudgeonly? Would you prefer that?â
To your surprise, he actually laughs. Youâve never heard him laugh before and it catches you off guard. But you like the way his face breaks into a big grin and the sound that rises up out of his chest like itâs been stored in there for a very long time and is finally being released.
âWell, Iâll be damnedâŚdid you just make Senor Cinco laugh?â
You and Five both turn and see Klaus sauntering into the kitchen to join you, wearing nothing but a small pair of bright blue underpants. He sidles up to you and throws an arm around your shoulder, leaning down and giving you a kiss on the cheek.
âI did!â you exclaim with a smile, putting your arm around his naked waist.
âThat just might be a new record. Usually, it takes at least three months, plus a few thinly-veiled death threats, before you get an honest to goodness laugh out of him.â
Five rolls his eyes and his face returns to its normal seriousness. âActually, Klaus, I just donât laugh at anything you have to say. Because youâre a fucking idiot.â
âAwâŚI love you too, Fivey,â Klaus responds before he reaches out and ruffles Fiveâs hair.
Five bristles and runs a hand over the mess Klaus made, trying to restore his normal style.
âWell, as much as Iâd love to continue this thrilling conversation, Iâll be taking my leave now. Enjoy your day doingâŚwhat do you two do, anyway? Contract various STDs and debate the nuances of Scooby Doo?â
You let out a loud cackle at that, which makes Five smile crookedly in your direction; right before he blinks away, leaving Klaus rolling his eyes and you with an inexplicably warm feeling in your chest.
Another week has passed and you and Klaus are still playing the no-ties dating game. Since you had turned Five on to your coffee making skills, the two of you have developed a bit of a friendship. While Klaus likes to stay up late and sleep in the next day, you are up early. Despite your long work hours, you generally donât need a lot of sleep to function. You run mostly on motivation, routine, and caffeine. Which, coincidentally, so does Five.
Because you are both up in the early morning hours, you and Five will end up meeting in the kitchen when the sun is barely above the horizon. He will sit quietly at the small kitchen table and watch while you go about making coffee for the two of you. Neither of you say much until the coffee is finished brewing and has been poured. Then you sit down across from Five and heâll actually engage in conversation.
At first, it was like pulling teeth to get Five to answer any questions, but after a while he warmed up. Now, youâre pretty sure he actually likes sitting down and talking to you. This morning is no different, and you and Five are in the kitchen, comfortably talking and sipping coffee when Klaus wanders in.
He yawns and stretches his sinewy body before flashing you a smile. âMorning, babe. I feel like waffles. You guys want some waffles?â
Five says nothing, but you smile back up at Klaus. âAs long as you arenât suggesting I get up and make them, then yes, Iâm up for some waffles. We can go to that diner down the street.â
Klaus comes over and starts running his hands through your hair, massaging your scalp in the process and combing out the tangles with his fingers. It feels nice and relaxing and you close your eyes. When you open them again, your gaze lands on Five and your eyes meet. Something about the way he is looking at you makes your face flush with embarrassment and you gently push Klausâs hands away, laughing.
âQuit it,â you say lightly, even though under normal circumstances you love it when Klaus plays with your hair.
He takes a step back, unfazed, and goes to pour himself a cup of coffee. Five is still watching you and you have to avert your eyes just to think straight. You scoot your chair back and stand up, turning to Klaus.
âSo, are we going or what?â
Klaus shrugs. âSure, you buying?â
You roll your eyes. âDonât I always?â
âYes, you do. And then I pay you back in a much more physical way.â
âYou realize that makes you sound like youâre prostituting yourself for breakfast foods.â
âIâve done a lot worse for a lot less.â
You laugh and then you see Five get up and start to make his way out of the kitchen. âFive wait!â
He stops and turns to you, coffee cup still in hand, and eyes you up. âYeah?â
âCome with us.â
âI donât think so. You two toddlers go ahead.â
You frown and jut your hip out. âFirst of all, stop insulting us. Second, name one good reason you donât want to come with us. I mean, you do eat, donât you? Or do you survive solely on black coffee and sarcasm?â
You see that faint smile playing on Fiveâs lips again. The one that gives you a little flutter in your stomach when you see it; because you know youâre one of the few that can actually get him to break.
âYes, I do eat. If surviving on coffee and sarcasm were a thing, it would have made my life in the apocalypse much easier.â
Heâs kidding, but you still feel bad about your comment and you cringe a little at the mention of his traumatic past. Klaus, though, just waves a hand in the air dramatically.
âCome on, Fivey! Whatâs not to like about spending time with your favorite brother, while also getting some free waffles?â
âPleeeaase?â you beg while batting your lashes exaggeratedly in Fiveâs direction.
After another annoyed eye roll and a huffy sigh, Five relents. âFine! I will go to your stupid diner and eat your stupid waffles.â
âThat a boy!â Klaus goes to slap Five on the back, but he has already blinked out of the kitchen.
âI hope itâs ok that I invited him?â you ask.
âOf course itâs ok. I canât believe he said yes, though. Iâve been trying to get him out and socializing forever. Itâs like you have a special magic touch with him. Youâre like the Number Five Whisperer.â
You laugh. âYeah, right. I think he just wanted breakfast.â
Klaus shakes his head. âNo, really. Iâve seen him around you. He actually listens to you and isnât mean.â
âHeâs mean to me all the time!â
âWell, compared to what the rest of the world gets from him, thatâs nothing. He once called me the human version of a shart.â
When you canât help doubling over with laughter at that, Klaus puts a hand on his hip. âIt was very hurtful.â
âIâm sorry, but thatâs hilarious. Say what you want, but the man is funny. Whether he intends to be or not.â
âJust you wait. When he starts comparing you to shitting his pants, then weâll see how funny you think he is.â
Once you are all showered and dressed, the three of you walk over to the diner for breakfast. You are planning on going directly to work from there, so you have your bag slung over your shoulder. The weight of it is evident by the way youâre slumped to one side while you lug it around, and Five eyes it curiously as you slide into a booth. You and Klaus are on one side while Five is across from you.
âWhat do you have in there? Bricks?â Five asks you as he picks up a menu.
âYes. I carry around a bag full of bricks. One never knows when one might need to perform an emergency masonry job.â
You see Fiveâs lips purse together in a failed attempt at trying not to smile, avoiding your eyes by pretending to peruse the menu.
Klaus lets out a loud hoot of laughter and puts his arm around your shoulders. âLooks like you may have met your match in the snide comment department, Fivey.â
Five glances up and flicks a stray piece of hair off his face. âDoubtful. I am, and will always remain, the king of snide comments.â
You and Five exchange amused looks and you peer down at your own menu. A waitress comes to the table to take your orders and Klaus flashes her one of his beautiful smiles and you can see she is instantly smitten by him.
âA round of waffles and coffee for the table, please.â Klaus gestures to all three of you. âAnd make sure to give the bill to my sugar mama over here.â
The waitress gives you a funny look and you shrug with a smile before she wanders off to put in the order.
âKlaus!â Five hisses, leaning forward.
âWhat?â
âIf you canât pay for your own breakfast, I will. Donât make her do it.â
Klaus looks genuinely taken aback. âWhy? She offered.â
âBecause itâsâŚâ Five pauses and sighs and if you thought he was capable of embarrassment that might have been what he was conveying. ââŚitâs not gentlemanly.â
You chew on your bottom lip and look down in your lap so that you donât laugh, but also so that Five doesnât see how completely shocked you are at this statement.
Klaus frowns at Five. âI forget sometimes that youâre an old coot under that sleek body of yours. Donât be so old-fashioned, Fivey. The times they are a-changinâ.â He turns to you. âBesides, am I nothing but a gentleman?â
They are both looking at you for some sort of response and you laugh nervously. âYes, you are mostly a gentleman. And I donât mind paying; I did offer.â Klaus looks smug and Five rolls his eyes. âHowever,â you point a finger at each of them, âneither one of you offered to carry my bag for me on the way here.â
You watch with satisfaction as both of their mouths hang open for a second before they realize they have nothing to say to that. Just then, the waitress comes by with your coffees and starts to set them down in front of you on the tabletop. As you smirk to yourself, you hear both men utter a soft âsorryâ under their breath before taking a sip from their mugs.
Five clears his throat. âYou never did answer me. What are you carrying around in there?â
You glance at the overstuffed tote bag next to you. âWell, some extra clothes and toiletries, but also my laptop and a bunch of notebooks and file folders. Iâm applying for a large bank loan and need to make sure all of my ducks are in a row.â
âOh, thatâs right. Youâre planning on buying your cafĂŠ.â
Klaus leans back against the booth. âYeah, sheâs cute and smart. Hey, another thing you two have in common!â
Five takes another drink and mutters over his mug. âI am not cute.â
âYeah, youâre right,â Klaus looks thoughtful as he scans Five up and down. âYouâve got more of that angry, smoldering, sex god look about you.â
âShut up, Klaus.â
âHeâs right,â you hear yourself saying and your cheeks immediately burn when you realize you said it out loud. You notice Fiveâs face reddens a little as well when he looks at you in surprise.
Klaus is oblivious and he clinks his coffee mug against yours in a toasting gesture. âSee? Everyone thinks so. Now, the next step is to share some of that super sexiness with another human being and not just your fist.â
With his face still flushed, Five clenches his jaw even tighter. âShut. Up. Klaus.â
âI know itâs convenient and doesnât require you to leave the house, but choking the old chicken doesnât replace the need for human contact. Itâs nice to flog your log once in a while, but you need to branch out. Let someone else take Fivey Junior for a spin. Know what I mean?â
You are certain you are about to witness a murder firsthand as you watch Five pick up his butter knife in a clenched fist, leaning dangerously close to his brother across the table, when the waitress comes back with your food. As she plunks down the plates in front of everyone, Klaus continues to dig his own grave.
âHey there,â he squints at the waitressâ name tag, âSandra. What do you think of my brother over here?â
Sandra looks visibly uncomfortable as she glances from Klausâs beaming face to Fiveâs murderous one and back again.
âIâm sorry?â
âOn a scale of one to ten, with one being you would not bang him if he were the last man on earth, to ten being you want to jump his brittle old bones right here in this diner booth, how would you rate him?â
You sink down in your seat and close your eyes, thinking that maybe if you arenât actually looking when Five rams that knife through Klausâs neck, you wonât have to answer too many questions from the cops. You risk opening one eye a slit and you can see Five fuming, nostrils flared and neck veins bulging. The poor waitress is not sure what to do as she stands there awkwardly, so you decide to jump in.
You laugh theatrically. âHeâs just kidding! I bet him $20 to say that. Iâm sorryâŚI didnât think heâd actually do it.â
Sandra relaxes a little and sighs with relief. âOh, ok. No worries. Enjoy your meal.â
As she walks away, you turn to Klaus with a glare.
âWhat?â he asks innocently.
âYouâre terrible,â you tell him, disapprovingly.
âIâm trying to do the guy a favor and help him get his ex-assassin wiener wet!â
Suddenly, Fiveâs palm bangs on the table, making the plates and cutlery dance and clatter. You and Klaus both jump in your booth.
âI do not,â seethes Five, âneed your help or anyone elseâs for that matter.â He relaxes a bit, unclenching his jaw and rolling his shoulders back. His eyes pass over to you as he starts to cut into his waffle. One corner of his mouth curls up as he stabs a piece with his fork. âFivey Junior is doing just fine, thank you,â he quips before taking a bite and giving you a quick wink.
Your stomach feels warm and fluttery all of a sudden and you let out a snort of laughter. The subject is dropped after that and Klaus eventually moves on to something else that involves his and Fiveâs apartment. Your mind wanders as you eat your food, staring into space as the two brothers chatter next to you. You didnât mean for your mind to wander to that, but now that it was brought up, you find it front and center in your brain.
You find yourself wondering exactly what Fiveâs sexual situation is. Youâve never seen him with a woman, or a man, but heâs certainly good looking enough to get either one. Maybe his surly attitude turns people off? You know all about his unique situation, and so maybe heâs never had the opportunity to be with anyone else in that way. You steal a glance over at him, noticing the way the tendons in his forearms tighten and relax as he gestures while he talks and that warm feeling is back.
I wonder what kind of package heâs working with in those pants of his? Heâs not a huge guy, but he sure as hell carries himself like heâs got a giant schlong. I would not be surprised if he was packing some serious equipment in there. I bet it could do some real damageâŚall that anger has to go somewhere. And I bet he knows how to use it, too. Probably could bang you right through a fucking wall â"
âThink twelve inches is too big?â
You drop your fork onto your plate with a loud clang as Fiveâs question snaps you out of your perverted daydream. Your face is suddenly very hot.
âWhat?â you ask in a wide-eyed panic.
Five and Klaus both give you a weird look.
âThe shelving unit to put under the bathroom sink, remember I was telling you about them the other day? What do you think about the size?â Klaus explains.
âOh, right. UhâŚI donât know,â you stammer.
Five turns back to Klaus. âIt might be a little tight but I bet I could make it fit. Probably have to shove it in there really good, though.â
At that, you dissolve in a burst of nervous laughter that has the other two looking at you like youâve lost your mind. You canât stop laughing, though, and you cover your mouth with your hand while your body shakes uncontrollably.
Five and Klaus exchange confused glances. âOkâŚweird,â Klaus says before going back to his waffles.
After a good thirty seconds of hyperventilating, you finally calm down enough and you wipe the tears from your eyes.
Five points a fork at you. âWhat the hell was that?â
You shake your head, suppressing another round of laughter. âNothing, I was just thinking of something from earlier. You had to be there.â
âClearly.â
After a few more minutes of silence, Klaus turns to you. âI know youâve been worried about this loan and making sure you have everything in order. Iâm no good at that kind of thing, but our boy Cinco over here probably is. Maybe he can look things over for you.â
âOh!â You turn to Five. âReally? Youâre good with finances and all that?â
âIâm good at everything, so by default Iâm also good at finances,â he answers offhandedly, not looking up from his plate.
âOh, right, silly me. I forgot, youâre a goddamn genius.â
He looks up and nods without a hint of irony. âCorrect. I am.â
You roll your eyes. âOk, never mind, sorry I asked.â
âAlright, donât get all huffy. If you want me to look things over, I can do that.â
âWell, if itâs not cutting too much into your time of sucking your own dick, then that would be great.â
Klaus lets out a loud laugh and Five raises one eyebrow as he leans back and drapes his arm over the back of the booth with a smirk. âI think I can pencil you in somewhere.â He picks up his coffee mug, stopping just before he takes a drink. âIncidentally, that would have been another skill I could have used during those solitary years. But, alas, as brilliant as I am, I found I lack the flexibility.â
You bite at the inside of your cheek to stifle your laughter. âThereâs a visual I donât need.â
Klaus nearly chokes on his food. âHoly shit, did you actually try that? Iâm not saying I havenât myself, but I just didnât think youâŚwell, I guess there were a lot of lonely hours to kill, so like what did you try first? Rolling up in a ball, or â"
You slap a hand over his mouth. âOk then! I can see this conversation is headed in a very weird direction, so I am just going to excuse myself and head to work now.â
After you gather up your bag, Klaus gets up to let you out of the booth. As you hoist the heavy tote over your shoulder, you address Five. âIf you really are serious, I would be glad to have your help.â
âI was serious.â
âThank you. Would you be available later today around 4? You can come by the cafĂŠ. Iâll even make you some coffee.â
âSure. See you then.â
You give him a smile and then turn to Klaus. âSee you later?â
âAbsolutely. Iâll be around.â
Klaus leans down to kiss you, which is nothing out of the ordinary of course, but you feel weird being so affectionate in front of Five and you break the kiss off quicker than normal. You say goodbye to them both and as you go to leave, Klaus gives you a slap on the ass. When you turn to give him a fake scowl, you catch Five looking at you. Heâs watching you with that intense look of his that you still have trouble reading the meaning behind. Whatever it is, though, youâre finding that you kind of like it.
Chapter Two: Fivey Junior
As I leave the diner and Klaus goes off to do whatever the hell Klaus does, I stand on the sidewalk outside for a minute or two. My hands in my pants pockets, I lean up against the building and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. What the fuck am I doing?
Itâs true I wanted nothing to do with her in the beginning. Iâm tired of having to deal with Klausâs random friends and whatever stray he decides to bring home for a week or two. They usually end up making a mess, drinking all of my good beer, and eating my Grape Nuts cereal. But then they are eventually gone and he moves on to the next one. Men and women. Sometimes both at the same time. Itâs exhausting just watching him and I honestly have no idea how he does it. Iâm definitely too old for that shit. Meanwhile, though, I have to live with it.
So, when she showed up, I could not have cared less. Just add it to the long line of other free loaders. But then she stuck around longer than usual. She was there most mornings and most nights. I couldnât turn around without finding another stupid pink hair tie of hers and there was suddenly strawberry scented shampoo in the shower. According to Klaus things were not serious between them, but he liked having her around and apparently she felt the same about him.
Then, that day she grabbed my arm and accused me of being a mean old man, well I may have shifted my opinion of her just slightly. No one ever challenges me and they certainly never grab me like that. Not without a serious death wish, anyway. But when she did it, I donât know why, but I didnât mind. I hadnât spent enough time around her to really study her up close, but once she was in my face, calling me rude, I could see the little speckles in her eyes. And see how pink her lips were and smell that strawberry shampoo. When I shook her hand, it felt soft and warm.
It was like she made it a personal mission of hers to wear me down, and I have to admit it really fucking worked. Sheâs nice and bubbly and sunshiny all the time, and that should be the most irritating goddamn thing in the world, but for some reason itâs not. She also calls me out on my bullshit, which no one ever does, outside of my family, and so I have to admire her for that.
That morning when she made me coffee for the first time, that sealed the deal. Not because it was damn good coffee, because it was. It was that she genuinely wanted to talk to me. I have no idea why; she wasnât wrong when she called me rude before. Still, as much as I didnât mind the company, I wasnât going to put too much effort in. I figured sheâd be gone soon enough.
The days that followed, though, she was still there. And now every morning I meet her in the kitchen and we sit and chat and drink our coffee. And itâs nice. Nice enough that I make sure to get up extra early every day just to have that time with her to myself. Sheâs intelligent and funny, and almost as much of a sarcastic smart-ass as myself.
Sheâs beautiful, too. I canât stop watching her any time sheâs around me. Whatever sheâs doing, Iâm mesmerized and I have to remind myself to stop staring like a creep. I like the way she moves with confidence around me and the way she gestures with her hands when she talks. I like her voice in the morning when itâs still a little raspy from sleep. I try not to look at the rest of her body, because I know sheâs technically too young for me and Iâm being a gross old man, but fuck, she is sexy. I know why Klaus likes her. She really is fucking delightful.
This morning I really didnât want to get breakfast. After I saw Klaus stroking her hair like that, the last thing I wanted to do was see more of the two of them shoved in my face. When she berated me for not going, though, I had a hard time saying no again. She seems to be able to do that to me. But then what just happened back there in the diner? Was I flirting ? Did I actually wink at her while talking about my dick? Holy shit, did I just tell her I tried to suck my own dick? Yes. Yes, I did.
I drop my head back on the brick building, hard, and groan. What is wrong with me? I am a grown ass man. I am not some love-struck teenager with a hard on for every girl that looks in my direction. I do not pine for women. And letâs not gloss over the fact that sheâs dating Klaus, my actual brother. They might not be serious, but thatâs a pretty shitty thing to do. Fuck, I need to get a life.
And now, because Klaus is completely oblivious and also apparently thinks I have too much free time on my hands, I am committed to seeing her again today. Of course I donât mind helping her and Iâm happy to do it, but Iâm nervous just thinking about it. Why should I be, though? Itâs just us talking over coffee like we have been for several mornings now. The only thing different is that it will be in an outside location. At her coffee shop. Just the two of us, no Klaus. Almost like⌠I swear to god if you even entertain that idea right now⌠date.
âGod fucking fuck damn it FUCK!â I yell out loud on the street while I kick at the brick wall with my good shoes, scuffing them up in the process.
Several people are looking at me like Iâm an insane person and a couple of them are crossing the street to get away from the raving lunatic trying to beat up a building. To avoid the concerned stares, I blink away and reappear a few streets over. I might as well keep walking, maybe that will clear my head and stop with all these ridiculous thoughts.
Itâs a nice day, at least, and I end up at a park, taking a seat on a bench as I wallow in my own self-pity. Thereâs an older man on the bench next to me, reaching into a bag of bread and throwing the crumbs out to the pigeons gathering around his feet. He looks over at me and I give him a nod of approval, thinking that looks like a nice way to pass the time, but have you seen the price of bread these days? I lean forward and put my head in my hands, groaning out loud at myself while my pigeon friend gives me the side eye.
One thing that has started happening since she came along is that I sometimes forget my real age. I was at least able to age myself up by 8 years or so when we arrived in this timeline, thanks to some tricky time-math and a whole lot of luck, but Iâm still well older than my body portrays me. It used to shock the hell out of me every time Iâd pass by a mirror and see a stranger looking back at me. Then, after a while, I got used to it and Iâm not going to complain; trading your broken old body in for a new model definitely has its perks. No more aching bones, tired muscles, or mysterious bruises that seem to appear out of nowhere. And I wonât get started on the new and improved libido, but suffice to say itâs a nice bonus.
Even though I have gotten used to the newer, younger me, I have never felt young mentally. I have remained the same stubborn old man that has resided in my head for decades now. Itâs a weird contradiction to have the energy to stay out all night, yet still rather be at home catching up on this seasonâs Antiques Roadshow. But this is the first time in the last few years that Iâve started to feel more like my younger self. And maybe itâs because I donât want to feel like a dirty old man, lusting after a woman more than half my age. That is definitely part of it, but the other part is that she just makes me forget. She makes me feel younger.
The hours are dragging by, but I still donât feel like going home, so I continue to wander around. I come to the conclusion that I am being a selfish, delusional bastard and I just need to cut it out. If I really think about it and start psychoanalyzing myself, thereâs a clear reason why Iâm having all of these misdirected feelings. Itâs obvious that my years of solitude have left me ill equipped when it comes to forming human relationships. In my still-infantile mind, a simple friendship between a man and woman has manifested itself into something more, because it doesnât know the difference. The chemicals in my brain are confused and donât know when and how to release themselves at the appropriate times.
I know that dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine are produced upon initial attraction to another person, and that oxytocin is released when you presume you are in love. Everyone knows that. So, itâs obvious that I just need to reprogram my brain so that it is not confusing mutual amicability with something more. As usual, if you approach something from a scientific aspect and remove emotions from the equation, problems become much easier to solve. Simple science makes everything so much clearer.
Itâs finally close to 4pm when Iâm supposed to meet her at the cafĂŠ, so I start making my way over there. I have a new outlook on this meeting now. I am happy to look over her finances and make any suggestions that I see could be helpful. If she asks for my opinion, Iâll give it. Then, I will take my leave, go home, and continue on with my life. No more of this internal longing bullshit.
Then I arrive there andâŚwell, fuck. So much for science.
I am standing outside of the cafĂŠ looking in through the windows and I can see her in there. Sheâs standing next to one of the tables, talking with another woman who is sitting down with a mug in front of her. I obviously canât hear her, but I watch as her face breaks into a beautiful smile and she laughs. A laugh I can hear in my mind because Iâve memorized it. She crosses her arms over her chest, which squeezes her breasts together and accentuates her cleavage. When she finishes her conversation and walks back towards the counter at the front, my eyes travel down to her round butt bouncing along in the tight jeans sheâs wearing.
âExcuse me.â
I am snapped out of my voyeuristic weirdness by an annoyed voice belonging to a woman behind me. Apparently, Iâm blocking the doorway and she would like to enter the building. I open the door for her and she walks past me while I try to get a grip. I follow the woman inside and up to the counter.
When she sees me, she smiles and I automatically shove my hands in my pockets to try and portray an air of casualness.
âHey there, Fivey,â she says with a big shit-eating grin.
I shake my head and attempt to look mad. âDo not call me that. Itâs bad enough Klaus does.â
âItâs so cute, though! Itâs like his little pet name for you.â
âIâm not sure why my idiot brother feels the need to make my name even weirder than it already is.â
She snorts out a laugh and then bites her bottom lip, and honestly both of those things are going to send me through the roof, sheâs so fucking cute.
âOk, so no nickname, fair enough. Still willing to help me out?â
âIâm here, arenât I?â
She turns away, but not before I see an eyeroll, as she grabs a coffee cup and fills it up, handing it over the counter to me.
âHere you are. One free coffee. As promised.â
âThanks. I can pay for it though, you donât really have to give it to me.â
âNo please, just take it. I promise I wonât think you are ungentlemanly for it,â she says with a small smile and I can see sheâs obviously teasing me about my comment in the diner earlier.
âYou make fun of me, but one of the perks of being with an older man is that we know how to take care of our ladies.â
It just came out of my mouth without thinking and I can feel my face getting hot. Iâm just praying that she canât see me blushing. What the hell is going on with me?
âOh, is that so? Iâll be sure to keep that in mind, then,â she says with a flirty tone.
I have no idea what to say next without sounding like a complete asshole, so I just donât say anything and instead take a sip of my coffee.
She clears her throat. âWell, let me go grab my stuff and we can sit down at one of the tables.â
She disappears into the back for a minute, returning with her heavy looking tote bag from earlier. I follow her over to a small two-top table and we sit across from one another. As she fishes around in her bag and unloads her laptop and some file folders, I watch as a lock of hair falls in front her face and all I can think about is reaching over and tucking it behind her ear. Obviously, I do not do this.
I look over all of her financial information and everything looks like itâs in order. When I start asking about something Iâm reading on her laptop, she gets annoyed that she canât see the screen well, and so she comes around to my side of the table, sitting directly next to me. I can smell that strawberry shampoo again and our legs brush together. I swallow nervously.
âI think everything looks good here. Your credit scores are high, you have no debts, and youâre asking for a reasonable amount. I donât really see why they would deny you.â
âDo you think so? I know itâs stupid, but Iâm so nervous! The meeting with the bank is tomorrow morning.â
âYouâll be fine.â
âItâs justâŚif I donât get this loan I donât know what Iâm going to do. Iâve put so much into this place, I already feel like itâs my own. But Iâm not going to work as a coffee shop manager for the rest of my life. I at least want to be a business owner. You know, something I can be proud of.â
I nod. âI think you should be proud of yourself no matter what.â
She scoffs a little. âOk, thanks Dad,â she says sarcastically.
Just like that, I come crashing down to reality as Iâm reminded who I really am. I am not a 20-something year old. I am old enough to be her actual dad. And while that really has no bearing on anything, considering nothing is going to happen between us anyway, itâs still a kick in the nuts. She must see it on my face, because I see her cringe.
âThat was a joke. I donât actually think of you as a dad.â
âI know.â My voice is clipped as I try to hide my embarrassment.
She leans into me and bumps my shoulder with hers in a friendly gesture. âThank you. For helping me with this.â
âYou didnât need my help. Youâve got this.â
âWell, thank you anyway. And thank you for putting up with me. I know I annoy you by always hanging around your place.â
"Itâs true, you are a giant pain in the ass,â I say with a smile. âBut, as giant pains in the asses go, youâre not so bad.â
âAwâŚthanks Fivey!â
She laughs at my irritated face, which I am only making to keep up the façade. She can call me anything she wants, really. I donât mind.
I am sitting at home the next afternoon, when she comes bursting through the door of the apartment. She's absolutely bouncing up and down with glee and when she sees Klaus she runs over to him and he picks her up in a big bear hug. She has on what I assume to be her business attire from her bank meeting, and I canât stop staring. Itâs a tight pencil skirt with a short, fitted blazer on top and black high heels. When Klaus lifts her up, her jacket pulls up in the back and I am treated to a very small window of her bare skin just above the waist of her skirt. Iâm not sure if I want to look there, or down a little bit lower to wear the material is hugging her hips and ass.
âI got it!â she shrieks and kisses Klaus before he sets her down again.
âThatâs great, babe!â he tells her.
Then she turns to me, as I stand there staring like a dope. Before I know it she has her arms wrapped around me and my face is covered by her hair as she hooks her chin over my shoulder. I donât know what to do, Iâm practically paralyzed with shock. I canât even bring my arms up to hug her back, so they just stay limply at my sides. I take a breath and close my eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair and skin. She lets go of me and steps back and my immediate impulse is to pull her right back into me again. But I donât. Instead, I just continue doing nothing.
âI cannot thank you enough, Five. You helped me do this.â
âIâŚI really didnât do anything.â
âWell, you gave me the confidence I needed and made me feel like I knew what I was doing before I went in there. So, thank you. Really.â
She is smiling so genuinely and sweetly at me and I just canât believe she is giving me any credit for anything. But I figure if I keep putting off her compliments sheâll get annoyed, so instead, I get weird and flustered.
âYeah, well, youâre welcome. No problem.â I look from her to Klaus and back again. âAlright, well Iâm going to leave you two dimwits to yourselves. See you later.â Then I blink away before either of them can respond.
Itâs the next morning and I wake up early, but I donât get up to meet her for coffee this time. I canât keep torturing myself like this and pretending we have some sort of connection is just sad and pathetic. The truth is, she is with Klaus right now. Maybe they arenât technically in a committed relationship, but sheâs here in the apartment because of him, not me. And because they supposedly arenât serious, that also means they will eventually tire of one another and one day she just wonât be here anymore. And it makes me fucking sick to even think about it.
Instead, I start thinking about her running into Klausâs arms and kissing him yesterday. I hate how much that bothered me. I hate how much I wanted that to be me. Iâm lying here in my bed, alone, and all I can think about is lifting her up in my arms, her body pressed to mine as she kisses me. Itâs so fucking pathetic and yet, I canât stop. I replay it over and over in my mind; her smile and her lips and the adorable way she would squeak if I squeezed her to me.
Soon, my pathetic little daydream has evolved into something much dirtier than a hug and kiss. I think about how her tits would feel pressed up against my chest. About how her firm ass would feel under my hands. And how badly I want her legs wrapped around my waist.
I groan sadly and palm my erection through my underwear. Fuck. Rather than sit and jerk off in my bed, I decide I should just head to the shower and kills two birds with one stone. The bathroom is directly across from my bedroom and I make the quick blink over so that I wonât have the humiliating experience of bumping into the person thatâs responsible for my boner problem in the first place.
In the shower, my imagination runs wild. I obviously have never seen her naked, but I can certainly conjure up an image in my head that I decide is probably pretty close. I picture her straddling me, my cock deep inside of her, while she fucks me hard and fast. Those tits that Iâve only seen the outlines of through her t-shirts are bouncing up and down in front of my face and, Jesus Chris, itâs the hottest thing Iâve ever seen in my life. My hand is acting as a sad substitute for her tight cunt as I lean my head on my hand against the wall and close my eyes.
I imagine her moaning my name as she throws her head back and works her hips harder and faster on top of me. I can feel her soft flesh as my fingers dig into her sides and push her down; all the while thrusting my own hips up because I canât get enough. As a final act of delusion, I throw her off of me and flip her over. I pound into her from behind, listening as she cries and sobs from the intensity of it all. I hear her pleading, telling me sheâs sorry for ever wanting anyone else but me; that it will only be me from now on. I urge her on as I penetrate her harder, demanding she fucks only me from now on. She is mine and Iâll be goddamned if anyone else is going to touch her from here on out.
Iâm only yours, FiveâŚyouâre all I wantâŚall I need. I loveâ
âHey, Klaus, have you seen myâŚOh shit!â
The sound of her voice in real life has me floundering, trying to remember what the fuck is going on, and I turn around just in time to see her horrified face which mirrors mine. Our eyes lock for what has to be a fraction of a second, but feels like an eternity, and I see her glance briefly downward and then back up again.
âOh my god, Iâm so sorry,â she stammers, before quickly closing the shower curtain with a flourish.
I donât know what to say or do, and thereâs no time to do it anyway, as I stand there with my eyes wide and my dick in my hands. I hear the bathroom door slam shut and Iâm left alone again. If I have felt shameful or embarrassed about any of my actions in the past, they are nothing compared with what Iâm feeling now.
I want to die. I want to dissolve into liquid form and slip down the drain, washing away with all the other filth and disappearing into the sewers. I quickly contemplate my options. Iâm a smart guy, I can come up with something. I could blink away and never return to this apartment ever again. Klaus might wonder what happened to me, but eventually heâd get over it. After all, itâs not the first time Iâve vanished without a trace. I could try some serious time travel again, maybe jumping backwards this time. Give the 1800s a try; live out the rest of my days doing something mundane like a blacksmith or a chimney sweep.
Instead, I just stand there, the shame and embarrassment washing over me. The most fucked up thing is that Iâm still hard. I saw her face and her shock and it still didnât dissuade my traitorous hormones. I need to finish and Iâm horrified at the thought. Not horrified enough, though, because I start stroking myself again. I keep picturing her in my mind, even though I know she knows what I am doing and maybe thatâs part of why I like it.
In some psychotic part of my brain, I like that she saw me jerking off. She doesnât know that it was her I was thinking of, but I can start to convince myself that she might like it. She might like that I was fucking my hand to images of her naked body on top of mine. She might actually be flattered that Iâm thinking of her riding me hard and fast and violently. That Iâm imagining her moaning my name and coming around my cock.
A few more seconds of vigorous self-pleasuring and my hand is stilling as I unleash ropes of cum over my stomach and onto the shower floor. It mixes with the water and rushes down the drain as my eyes clench tightly shut and I groan as quietly as I can through gritted teeth. Itâs bad enough she saw me in here, she doesnât need to hear me, too.
After I am milked dry, and my breathing starts to slow again, I let go of my shrinking dick and wash myself off. I feel like the loser of the century. Sheâs probably out there right now, telling Klaus all about it and laughing. Theyâre probably discussing how sad I am and how much I really need to get a life. And theyâd be right.
Once Iâm cleaned off and dressed again, I listen closely from inside my room, trying to determine if sheâs still here or not. After a while, I still havenât heard signs of anyone else, and I figure the coast is clear. I blink out of my room and head towards the kitchen. I need a fucking drink and I donât even care that itâs still morning. Anything to help erase this horrifying feeling.
In the kitchen, Iâm looking through the cupboard where we keep the booze, trying to decide if itâs a vodka or a whiskey kind of morning, when I hear soft foot-steps and a gentle clearing of a throat. Fuck. Can I just get a fucking break once in a while? My spine stiffens and I think of just blinking out of there without even turning around, but then she starts talking to me.
âHey, soâŚI am so sorry for busting in on you like that. Klaus had said he was going to take a shower, so I just assumed that was him in there, and I was looking for my slippers that I thought I left in the bathroom, and that was really stupid of me to just assume thatâŚI am really very sorry, I would never have, if I had known it was you, obviously I wouldnât have, but like I said, I thought it was Klaus, andâŚughâŚIâm sorry. I hope this isnât going to make things weird.â
I almost laugh at her run-on sentence of stammering apologies. Almost. Instead, I grab a bottle of vodka and turn around with a glare.
âSo, when exactly are you leaving?â
She hesitates. âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean, when are you getting the fuck out of here? I realize you and Klaus are having fun playing house or whatever the fuck it is you do around here, but this is my apartment, too. In fact, itâs more mine than his, since I pay the bulk of the rent. And I donât remember asking for a third roommate.â
I see a brief look of hurt cross her face before she is challenging back. âLook, just because I accidentally walked in on you, doesnât mean you have to be an asshole about it. You donât have to be embarrassed.â
âEmbarrassed? Iâm not embarrassed, sweetheart, so don't flatter yourself. And this has nothing to do with that. Iâm just wondering when I can look forward to not seeing your face every time I turn around in my own goddamn house!â
She nods, her lips pursed together, and her hands on her hips. âAlright, Five, you win. I thought maybe we were beginning to be friends, but I can see that is not the case. I will do my best to stay out of your way. Iâm sorry for any inconveniences Iâve caused you.â
After another few seconds of angry glaring, she turns around and leaves. I take the stopper out of the vodka and tip the entire bottle back, swallowing at least three full gulps before I canât take the burning in my throat and stomach anymore. I donât know why Iâm like this. I donât know why I have to be a fucking dick to everyone, especially the people I care about. Well, I guess I should look on the bright side. I wonât have to worry about letting my true feelings out around her. Because now she wants nothing to do with me.
Chapter Three: Crazy Train
It was bad, there was no mistaking it. And it was all your fault; at least the beginning part. You certainly hadnât meant to walk in on him in the shower. You really had assumed it was Klaus in there. You had been wrong. Very, very wrong. So, yeah, you really fucked that one up.
Things had been going so well, too. You were actually getting along and finding that you really liked spending time with Five. You assumed he liked spending time with you, too, even though he never came right out and said so. Although, with him, you doubted he would ever admit to that. But you knew he did, otherwise he wouldnât have bothered even speaking to you, let alone hanging out with you.
Even though youâre the one who did the unannounced shower barge-in, you still think heâs overreacting. Sure, you saw him completely naked, but it was only for a couple of seconds and itâs not like you havenât seen a naked man before. And sure, you are like 99% positive he was banging out some knuckle babies while he was in there, but that part is not your fault. How were you to know there would be some salami slapping going on in there when you opened the curtain?
Now heâs pissed off at you and has gone back to his old, dickish ways. Heâs barely acknowledging you anymore and he stopped coming into the kitchen for coffee in the mornings. You understand heâs probably embarrassed, but he should be able to get over it, for fuckâs sake. Heâs always claiming heâs the mature one around here, but he sure as hell isnât acting like it right now.
You definitely think he should be able to move on from that little incident, but you canât seem to stop thinking about it, either. Although, not for the same reasons. It had only been a couple of seconds if that, but that image has been burned into your brain. And not necessarily in a bad way. In that tiny glimpse that you got, it did not disappoint.
You keep finding yourself staring off, lost in another inappropriate daydream, as you remember exactly what he had looked like. Wet, naked, and clearly aroused, it was enough of a picture to keep you occupied. If men have spank banks, what do you call it for women? Rub hub? Finger vault? Whatever it is, that image is in yours now. And, fuck, itâs a good one.
Klaus has an amazing body, thereâs no doubt about that. Heâs lithe and toned and has a cinched-in waist that youâre envious of. But when you saw Fiveâs bodyâŚholy shit. Heâs a little more solid than Klaus, and his muscles are well-defined but not huge. His chest is smooth and firm, and his abs look like theyâre cut from stone, all the way down to the soft line of hair trailing southward to the main event. From the quick peek you had gotten of the goods in his hand, he either somehow used his powers to beef himself up, or that may have been the one thing in his tragic life that he lucked out on. Because, damn. Combine that with a tight ass, the water cascading down his body, and his dark, wet hair pushed off his face, and that is definitely enough to give you some material for the next time youâre double-clicking your mouse.
It's a week after âthe incidentâ, and you have just come back from work and itâs late. You havenât been over to see Klaus in a few days because youâve been so busy, but you decide to stop by because you know heâll still be up. Plus, youâre feeling the need to get some sexual release that isnât in the form of your hand or vibrator, and you know heâll be up for that, too.
You donât see Five anywhere, which is probably a good thing, and you and Klaus hang out in the living room for a while, having a couple of drinks and catching up. When you decide to head to the bedroom, thatâs when Five makes his presence known. Loudly.
Mid-make out and partially undressed, the two of you hear the pounding bass and blaring guitar riff of AC/DCâs âBack in Blackâ coming from Fiveâs bedroom. He is blasting it at full volume and as much as you like listening to Brian Johnson scream at the top of his lungs, itâs not really setting the mood at the moment. You ignore it for a little while longer, trying to focus on Klausâs hands working their way down between your legs. When itâs clear youâre not really into it, he stops.
âWhatâs wrong?â
You huff. âSeriously? Isnât this annoying you, too?â
Klaus shrugs. âI donât know, itâs not that bad. I like loud music, and Five has good taste.â
âWell, itâs distracting and you know heâs doing it on purpose. Itâs just rude.â
âJust ignore it.â
He pulls you on top of him, and you straddle his waist. But when you lean down to kiss him again, itâs clear you are not going to be able to get your mind in the game; not with the walls shaking from the constant pulse of the mini-rock concert going on down the hall. You let out another frustrated growl.
âIâm going to go say something,â you tell Klaus, pushing yourself off of him.
He props himself up on his elbows. âI wouldnât do that if I were you.â
You roll your eyes. âPlease. Whatâs he doing to do? Iâm not scared of him.â
âRight, no, I know. Me either. ButâŚâ
âBut, what?â
âYou know, heâs justâŚtesty.â
As youâre getting off the bed, you give Klaus an exasperated look. âHeâs a big man baby is what he is. And Iâm tired of his shit.â
Before Klaus can say anything more, youâre walking out the door and heading to the source of the music. The song has now switched over to âCrazy Trainâ. You pound on the door to Fiveâs room, waiting with your arms folded across your chest. Thatâs when you remember you are not wearing a bra. Or pants. You only have a loose-fitting t-shirt on and some ridiculous underwear with cartoon cats on them because you havenât done laundry in a while and all your good panties are in the wash. Luckily, the shirt covers up most of your crotch area.
Youâre not getting an answer, so you pound the door with your fist again. Mid-pound, the door swings open wide, the blaring music becoming even louder. Five is already in the middle of a rant.
âKlaus, I have told you a thousand fucking times, I do not have your lighterâŚoh.â
Five stops mid-sentence when he realizes itâs you. Heâs standing there shirtless, with only his black pants on, belt unbuckled and hanging open. His hair is disheveled, and he seems to be swaying slightly; holding onto the door for balance. Thatâs when you notice he has a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He looks at you for a second, his hooded eyes slowly moving over your body with his mouth partially open before his face changes and he smirks.
He takes another swig of whiskey from the bottle before addressing you. âSomething I can help you with, princess?â
Youâre stunned into silence for a beat or two, trying to process the fact that you are once again blessed with another glimpse of his body, as well as the fact that he is drunk. You hesitate with your mouth hanging open like a moron, which Five obviously notices because he has that damn arrogant look on his face again. Finally, you snap out of it.
âIs there a reason youâre blaring your music that loud right now?â you demand.
âYeah, there is. Because itâs my fucking room and I can do what I want in it.â
âGod, you are such a dick! I know youâre doing it on purpose just to piss me off.â
Five shakes his head slowly and takes another drink. âSorry to disappoint you, sweetheart, but not everything is about you. Pissing you off in the process is a definite perk, though.â
You ball your hands up at your side and grit your teeth. âIâm not buying any of your bullshit, Five. I know youâre mad at me, and thatâs fine. But youâre acting like a fucking child right now!â
âI think youâre mistaken. Iâm not the one who canât stand to be alone for more than a few hours. Iâm not the one that needs constant attention and validation from someone. So whoâs the child now, hmm?â
âWhat are you talking about? I do not.â
He grins. âOh yeah? Want to tell me what youâre doing here all the time then? Why youâre here when you have a perfectly good apartment of your own to go to? âCause I bet itâs not because of my brother.â
That throws you off a little and you donât immediately have a comeback. Five snorts derisively. You narrow your eyes.
âFuck you!â you spit out.
Five raises an eyebrow and lets out a short laugh. âOhhhâŚmaybe thatâs why youâre always here. Well, sorry, honey. Hate to disappoint you, but youâre not my type.â
With your own sarcastic smile, you shoot back. âI know Iâm not, honey. From what Iâve seen, Iâm guessing you prefer to take matters into your own hands if you know what Iâm saying.â That seems to have shut him up and he stands there, clinging to the door frame with his hair hanging in his face. Before you let him think of another comeback you give him a tiny wave and turn around. âIâll leave you and Mr. Daniels to it, then. Remember, Fivey, donât go too hard at it. I hear carpal tunnel is a real bitch.â
As you walk away, you hear the door slam behind you. Youâre irritated and pissed off. And now you are horny. How the fuck is that possible? Well, thereâs a good solution for that, and itâs waiting in the other room for you. You stalk over to Klausâs room, making sure to leave the door slightly ajar. Klaus is still on the bed on his back and heâs lit up a joint in the process. When he sees you enter, he sits up.
âOh, good, youâre alive. How did that go?â
âGreat,â you say under your breath.
Then you are pulling your shirt over your head and yanking your underwear off. You immediately climb onto the bed and over the top of Klaus, grabbing the joint and tossing it into the ashtray at the side of the bed. Heâs shocked when instead of saying anything, you lean down, grabbing his face in both hands and forcefully kissing him. After a moment his hands are on your hips and heâs smiling against your mouth.
âThatâs more like it,â he says before youâre devouring his mouth again.
You donât want to talk and you donât need any more foreplay. You just want to fuck. Hard and rough, and loud. Luckily, Klaus is already pretty fired up and you can feel him hard underneath you as you straddle him. He still has his briefs on, so you hastily tug them off. If heâs wondering why youâre all of a sudden trying to mount him like a wild dog in heat, he doesnât say anything. He seems pretty happy when you line yourself up and sink onto his dick, letting it fill you up in one shove. You let out a whine before looking down at him.
âI want to fuck. Hard,â you tell him in between gasping breaths.
âYeah, baby, fuck me as hard as you want,â he rasps before smacking your ass and giving you a sly smile.
âDonât talk. Just fuck,â you instruct him.
He obviously doesnât care that youâre ordering him around, because his hands are on your tits as you start riding him fast and hard. You donât even work up to it, youâre just pounding yourself onto his cock and you can already feel the beads of sweat starting to form on your skin. Youâve never been this worked up in your life, and you have no idea why. Thatâs not true; you know exactly why. You just donât want to admit it, even to yourself.
You squeeze your eyes shut as you work as hard as you can, thrusting your hips back and forth and grunting with the effort. Throwing your head back, you cry out as loudly as you can, practically screaming at the top of your lungs. If the neighbors can hear you, it probably sounds like youâre being murdered to the soundtrack of Ozzy Osbourne right now. Youâre making as much noise as possible; crying, wailing, and begging for more. And itâs all on purpose because you want a certain someone to know what heâs missing out on. Klaus is either shocked into submission by your sudden change in demeanor, or heâs in heaven. Either way, heâs not saying anything.
With your eyes closed, and no voice attached to the body youâre penetrating yourself with, you start to imagine what youâve been trying to push out of your mind. You might hate him at the moment and think heâs a total asshole, but that doesnât mean you donât want to climb on top of him like a spider monkey and fuck his brains out.
In your mind, itâs not Klaus anymore, itâs Five. And you want more of him, even though thatâs not physically possible. You run your hands down his perfect chest and abdomen, clutching at his thighs as you lean back to get a different angle. Heâs watching you with those piercing eyes, looking up at you with that damn smirk of his.
âThatâs right baby, fuck Daddy hard.â
Whoa, Daddy? Where the fuck did that come from? Shit, I have some real problems.
Thereâs no time to dwell on that psychological component because you just canât get enough. His hands are on your hips and then on your ass, long fingers gripping tightly into you and pushing you even further down onto his cock. Youâre still crying out, moaning loudly while you lean down to kiss him. You can feel his hand in your hair and his lips pressed against yours as you continue to rock into him.
âYou feel so good, sweetheart. Donât stop,â heâs saying in that husky voice of his.
âI need more,â youâre pleading and he laughs at you.
âTell Daddy what you want, darling.â
Fuck, what is happening to me?
You donât know whatâs happening to you, other than youâre so fucking wet, you feel like youâre going to slide right off of Klausâs dick and onto the floor. You open your eyes, stop your crazy thrusts, and abruptly climb off. Klaus lets out a hiss at the sudden loss of your warm, wet walls clenched around him.
âFuck me from behind,â you pant, even as youâre already getting into position on your hands and knees.
âShit,â heâs murmuring under his breath, but he doesnât argue.
You feel him behind you and the anticipation is driving you crazy. When he slams into you, hips smacking against your ass and his hands pulling you backward hard and fast, you let out a sound that might be close to a sob. Your fists clench the bedsheets and from this angle, you donât have to keep your eyes closed to slip back into your imaginary sex fantasy.
Five is behind you, plowing you so forcibly that itâs hard to keep yourself steady. It feels so fucking good, and everything youâve been wanting. You donât know how heâs weaseled his way into your head like this, but it probably has something to do with that goddamn body of his. Or his impossibly handsome face. Or those hands. Fuck, you want those hands on you and in you, and doing whatever else he pleases with them.
âTell me,â he demands as he rams into you over and over again. âTell me what you want. Let me give it to you.â
âOh godâŚpleaseâŚdonât stop fucking me!â
Youâre not even sure if you said that out loud or not, but it doesnât matter. His hand comes around to finger you while he rails you as hard as possible. Youâre going to lose it any second now, you can feel it. His fingers are pressing against your clit and he continues talking to you inside your head; telling you everything you are dying to hear.
âYou like it when Daddy fucks you like this, donât you? When I fuck you so hard you canât think straight?â
âYesâŚyes,â youâre whining over and over again.
His hands are working their magic while his impressive cock is driving into your pussy. No one has made your body react like this before and you want to cry from the sheer overload of emotions.
âLet me hear you, sweet girl. You know what you want.â
âI want you! Oh fuckâŚyouâre going to make me come,â you whimper.
âSay it again,â he snarls. âSay it again and scream my name when I make you come.â
âI want you! I want you so fucking badly. PleaseâŚkeep fucking meâŚI needâŚoh god yes! Fiiâfff-fuck!â
You catch yourself right at the last second as your orgasm rips through you, creating shocks of pleasure all throughout your body. Your muscles are contracting and your skin is hot and tingling. You are moaning like you are in pain and the sheets underneath you are balled tightly in your fists. There is a layer of sweat over your entire body and your breaths are coming out in ragged gasps. You are vaguely aware of Klaus behind you, gripping your hips while he lets loose with his own climax.
Several seconds pass while neither of you move. After a while, he pulls out and you fall onto your stomach, sprawled out and completely spent.
âHoly. Shit,â Klaus breathes out as he runs a hand down your back. âWhere the hell did that come from?â
You laugh softly and push your hair out of your face. âI donât know. I guess I was just a little wound up.â
âA little wound up? Shit, babe, Iâm fairly certain the authorities have been alerted by several people in this building. In which case, I should probably hide some shit.â
You move your tired body and sit up, your legs shaking. You feel bad that you went a little crazy on him, especially considering the entire smutty movie that had been playing in your head the entire time. The one that didnât involve Klaus in any way. You smile and shrug, then start moving off the bed to gather up your clothes.
âI know, that was a little over the top. Sorry.â
Klaus shakes his head and picks up the joint out of the ashtray you had thrown it in and takes a hit. After exhaling a cloud of smoke into the air, he studies you with creased eyebrows.
âDo not apologize for that. Ever.â Then he pauses before that sly grin starts spreading over his face. âWait a minute, I know what was different. What probably lit a fire in your kitty cat panties. Old Fivey in there!â
You are in the process of tugging your shirt back over your head and your face isnât visible to him, which is a damn good thing because it is probably beet red at the moment. You take an extra long time to pull it down over your head and you try and keep your composure.
âThatâs ridiculous! I am not hot for Five!â
Klaus lets out a small giggle and shakes his head. âNo, no, not like that. I meant I bet it was that crazy sexy hard rock heâs been pumping out of his room. Gets you all pumped up, too, doesnât it? I donât blame you though, fucking to loud music with a pounding bassline like that is amazing.â
You let out a sigh of relief and then laugh. âYeah, youâre right, it does kind of get me going. That must have been it. Not to mention I havenât been over in a while. I needed to let off some pent-up sexual frustration.â
Klaus bows and itâs hilarious because heâs still naked with a joint in his hand. âGlad to be of service, madam.â
You walk over and pat him on the butt. âThank you. As always, you know how to deliver.â
âDo you want to stay here tonight?â
It had been your intention to head home for the rest of the night, but now that youâre here and Klaus is offering, you donât really want to go back to your apartment alone. You like staying here in Klausâs bed, with his body heat warming you up as you lie next to him, quietly chatting together until you drift off to sleep. Sometimes youâll be on the very edge of sleep and heâll whisper something so stupid and off the wall that you canât help laughing and youâre awake again, with no hope of sleep after that.
But if you stay, that means Five was right about you. You really do come over because you donât like being alone. You donât need constant attention from anyone, that part is not true, but you like the companionship. Even if you and Klaus stopped having sex, youâd still want to come over all the time. You like hanging out with him and even on the occasions heâs not there, the apartment feels cozier and more lived in than yours. You have thought about getting a roommate, but all of your current friends are either in serious relationships or prefer to live alone. The thought of trying to advertise for a stranger to move in and then interview people to decide if you want to share your space with them seems exhausting. So, youâd rather just stay here as often as you can.
Even though you just mind-fucked him like crazy, you internally curse Five for reading you so correctly.
âYeah, Iâd like to if thatâs ok.â
Klaus pulls on his underwear before flopping back on the bed. âOf course! Youâre always welcome here, you know that.â
âYeah, well, tell that to your brother. Heâs been giving me a ration of shit lately about being around here so much,â you grumble as you crawl in next to him.
âI thought you two were getting along.â
âWell, we were, but thenâŚâ you almost let slip that you walked in on Five in the shower. You hadnât told Klaus about that because you already felt bad for embarrassing the guy, you didnât need to get anyone else involved. âI donât know, I guess he changed his mind or something. Because now he definitely is not a fan of mine.â
Klaus frowns. âHmm..well, that sucks. We should be the three amigos!â
âPretty sure he does not want to be mi amigo at the moment.â
âAlright, Iâll talk to him tomorrow. Tell him to stop being such a grouch.â
âItâs ok, you donât have to do that,â you protest.
âNo, no, I want to. Itâs important to me that he can get along with you. Five may be a scary, unhinged assassin who once threatened to kill me by describing in excruciating detail all of the steps he was going to take to do it. Like, he literally wrote them out on a yellow legal pad with graphics next to each one and handed it to me. I donât remember the full list, but it involved a step ladder, some Elmerâs glue, and a toaster oven. Anyway, he may be scary like that, but heâs not all bad. He just needs to lighten up a little. Donât worry, Iâll fix it.â
You laugh. âWhat did you do to piss him off that time?â
Klaus rolls his eyes and sighs. âOh, I donât know. It wasnât a big deal. I may have accidentally eaten a large number of mushrooms and decided to strip naked and crawl into bed with him in the middle of the night.â
âI mean, thatâs pretty funny but it doesnât sound that bad.â
âWell, no, that part isnât. It was when I started violently humping him from behind and licking his neck that he kind of got a little uppity about it.â
You start laughing harder. âYou humped him and licked his neck?!â
âYeah. I donât really remember a lot of it, but apparently, I had him in a pretty good death grip while calling him âAlbertoâ and demanding to speak with his manager. I guess he was able to blink away just in time before I unloaded my high fructose porn syrup all over his superhero jammies.â
You are laughing so hard at that image that tears are rolling down your cheeks. âOk, I understand why he wanted to kill you, now. You kind of had it coming.â
Klaus waves a hand flippantly in the air. âNow you sound just like him.â
The next morning, you get up before Klaus, just like always. As you make your way to the kitchen, you can hear rattling around in there and you pause. You think about heading back to the bedroom just to avoid any confrontation, but then you change your mind. Youâre not going to hide from him. As you walk in, there is Five, busy making coffee. He looks like shit and you smile a little to yourself. Good, serves you right.
ââ Morning, sunshine!â you exclaim cheerily, just to piss him off. âYouâre up early. I figured youâd be sleeping the day away after your little one-man frat party last night.â
He turns to you with a look that you know is intended to intimidate, but is not quite working considering he looks like death warmed over. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair is a tangled mess, and heâs still wearing the rumpled pants you had seen him in last night. And of course, he has not bothered to put on a shirt again. Jesus, will this guy put some clothes on and give me a fucking break?
âOh, good, itâs you. I was worried maybe you had decided to fuck off and leave me alone. But, nope, here you are again.â
You give a snort and sit down at the kitchen table. Youâre not really sure why youâre still there, but you donât want him to think heâs scared you off so you stand your ground. Instead, you say nothing but start humming Pinkâs âU + Ur Handâ under your breath. You know Five hears you because you can see his shoulders tense and his hands flex. You smile to yourself.
When he turns to you again, his arms crossed over his bare chest and his hair in his face, he leans against the counter and eyes you up with a malicious grin. You really wish he werenât so damn good-looking because itâs very hard to keep up your little show when all you are really thinking about is jumping on top of him.
âThat was a nice little performance you gave last night, by the way. I had assumed you were the type to just lie there and have someone else do all the work, but good to know my brother is at least getting something out of it.â
You straighten up in your seat. âYouâre welcome. I figured the least I could do is give you some material to work with.â
Five nods with a smirk, not taking the bait. He uncrosses his arms and grabs onto the edge of the countertop behind him, leaning back casually. You are immediately drawn to his sculpted chest and abs and your eyes drift over the many faded scars scattered over his body.
âI could say the same to you, love,â he says.
He throws you off your game with that statement. Youâre mostly sure heâs just trying to be an asshole and get under your skin, but what if he does know? What if you yelled something out while you were imagining him fucking you so hard your teeth rattled in your head? When you were calling him Daddy and riding him like he was Sea Biscuit? You feel caught and your face must betray you because suddenly heâs not looking so smug anymore.
You are both staring at one another, not saying a word, but the passive-aggressive tension in the air has changed to something else. The look between you seems to last forever, and you can feel the warmth spreading up your neck and onto your face. And maybe a little between your legs, as well. Just then, the coffee that Five had been making is done and the machine beeps loudly, startling you both.
He looks away first and pulls down a mug from the cabinet. You are surprised to see him grab a second one. He fills them both and then sets one down on the table, sliding it over to you with a push so that it sloshes over the side.
âThanks,â you mumble, as you pick it up.
âSure,â he responds grudgingly, and you can tell itâs killing him to be even moderately polite right now.
After a minute or so of neither of you talking, it is starting to get awkward. Someone needs to say something or leave. Instead, you just sip your hot coffee and pretend the tabletop is incredibly interesting. You decide to chance it and you clear your throat, but you donât look up.
âLook, Iâm sorry, ok?â you say quietly.
It takes a few seconds, but he finally responds. âYeah, Iâm sorry, too.â
You nod and glance up, meeting his eyes as he watches you with that all-encompassing intensity of his. His stare bores right through you and once again you feel frozen in time and for a minute you think heâs somehow doing that, but in reality, itâs just your mind playing tricks on you. He just has that hold over you somehow and you pray that he canât see it. You watch as he looks away, closes his eyes, and pushes his hair back with one hand, giving you a good look at the tight muscles in his arms. Fuck. You cross your legs and take a sip of your coffee to try and hide the fact that you are on the verge of passing out right now.
At that exact moment, the weird energy in the room is broken by Klausâs appearance. He floats in, wearing some sort of ugly satin robe that barely covers anything, but somehow he manages to pull off the look. He stops in the doorway and looks from you to Five and back again. Then he claps his hands and smiles.
âYay! So, you guys are buddies again? Is that what Iâm seeing here?â
Five rolls his eyes and sighs. You shrug your shoulders. âI guess so. Tolerating each other again, anyway,â you tell him.
Five gives a tight-lipped smile and holds his coffee mug up towards you in a toasting gesture and you do the same with yours. Neither of you say anything else on the subject.
âWell, let me tell you, that is a relief,â Klaus exhales. âI was not really looking forward to having to put the hammer down on you, Fivey.â
Five raises his eyebrows at Klaus. âIs that right? And how exactly were you planning on doing that?â
âBy giving you a very stern warning, of course,â Klaus says with a smile, shaking his finger at Five. Then he walks over to get his own coffee. He looks Five up and down and then gives his arm a squeeze. âDamn, Cinco, you been working out or what? Looking pretty fine there, I must say.â
Five frowns and swats his hand away. âYouâre so weird.â
You giggle into your mug and Five looks at you with a crooked smile. Then he snatches the full coffee pot out of Klausâs hand. âAs much as Iâd love to spend the rest of my day in the company of you two intellectuals, I must take my leave. See you later.â
Klaus lets out a cry of protest as Five disappears in a flash, taking the coffee with him, and leaving his brother with an empty mug.
You try to hide your laughter as Klaus looks at you in disbelief.
âWell, that was rude,â he says in a huff.
With a shrug, you get up and pour some of your coffee into his cup. âYeah, but Iâve come to realize that rude is Fiveâs love language.â
Klaus pouts. âHe must love us a lot, then.â
With a smile, you think to yourself how much that statement is probably true. If Five doesnât care about you, heâs not going to waste his time and energy to speak to you, even if it is in the form of an insult. It makes you feel good inside to know that he probably really does like you, at least a little bit. If not, he just wouldnât bother with you at all; heâd avoid you like the plague. And you like knowing that. You like it a lot, actually.
Once again, you find your mind drifting off. And once again, itâs filled with images and scenarios starring one very sexy, teleporting ex-assassin.
Chapter Four: Love In The Time Of Cholera
âJesus, whatâs the matter with you?â
Five walks into the apartment to find you huddled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and shivering.
âNothing. Itâs just a cold I think,â you answer between chattering teeth.
Five strides over to the couch and leans in to peer down at you, squinting slightly. He stands up straight and crosses his arms over his chest, flicking the hair out of his eyes with a superior shake of his head.
âI donât think thatâs just a cold. You look like shit.â
âGosh, thanks, Five. Charming, as always,â you snap back. Or at least, it would have been a snap had you not just started coughing violently, your entire body shaking with the effort.
Fiveâs eyebrows furrow together. âHave you taken your temperature?â
You shrug. âNo.â
With a heavy sigh, Five leaves the room, returning a minute later with a thermometer in hand. He presses the button and when it beeps, he holds it out for you. You eye it and him suspiciously.
Five jabs it towards you again when you donât reach for it. âTake it.â
âHow do I know you or Klaus havenât used that to take your temperature in other ways besides orally?â
Five rolls his eyes. âI keep this in my room, away from Klaus for just that reason, and I can assure you it has never been used in my or anyone elseâs ass.â
After another sigh from Five and another dubious look at the thermometer, you relent and take it from him. You place it under your tongue and you both wait in silence for what seems to take forever before you hear the beep again. Before you can take it out, Five reaches down and removes it from your mouth for you, frowning at the digital display.
â104.3. Youâre burning up.â
You shiver again, wrapping the blanket around you tighter. âGreat.â
Five is quiet for a moment, and then he glances around the room. âWhereâs Klaus?â
You shrug again, and it reminds you how much your muscles are aching. âI donât know. I came here right from work since it was closer than my place and I was feeling pretty crappy. I texted him to let him know Iâd be here, but so far I havenât seen him. He didnât answer my text, either.â
You figure Five is probably more than annoyed with having you here without Klaus, and spreading your germs around his apartment in the process. With a guilty look, you start to stand up.
âSorry, Iâll go. Iâve rested a bit, so I should be ok to walk home.â
As you stand, you are overwhelmed by a bout of dizziness and you sway on your feet, your vision blurring. Five reaches out to catch you around your waist and you let him take most of your weight. When your vision returns and you can stand, you look up at him to find he actually looks concerned rather than his usual expression of deep irritation. His facial features are softer and his hair is in his face again. His eyes scan over your face, lingering on your lips before meeting your eyes. Your legs are bearing your full weight now, but he still has his arms around you.
You clear your throat. âOrâŚI can get a cab.â
âDonât be stupid,â he says, although itâs missing the usual snark he reserves for you. âYou obviously are too sick to go anywhere.â
Five lets you go and you both stand there awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.
âSoâŚyou want me to stay here?â you ask weakly.
âWell, I wouldnât say I want you to stay here, but Iâm also not sending you off on your own while youâre half dead.â He manages a small smile that appears genuine. âYou need someone to look after you.â
You try to hide your shock but your eyebrows raise. âAnd youâre going to look after me?â
He looks away briefly before sighing dramatically again. âUntil Klaus comes back. Then youâre his problem.â
A slight smile twitches at the corner of your mouth. You canât believe Mr. Crab Ass is being this soft. Soft for him, anyway. And you canât believe heâs willing to take care of you. Youâre trying to picture him as a caregiver, though, and itâs like your brain isnât computing.
âOk,â you say softly. âThank you.â
âCome on,â he says, holding out his hand. âI need to get you into bed.â
Despite the pounding headache in your skull, you start giggling as Five realizes what he said, and his face flushes.
âThatâs notâŚyou know what I mean,â he stammers. âYou can lie down in Klausâs bed.â
You nod, still smiling and take his hand. Itâs warm and dry against your clammy one, but he doesnât seem to care. Even though your head feels like itâs filled with mashed potatoes, you still feel a little zing through your body at the sensation of his touch. You know heâs strong and he can kill a man with these same hands if he needed to, but he holds yours gently.
He gets you situated in Klausâs bed, with an extra blanket thrown over the comforter to keep you warm against your chills. He brings you medicine to bring down the fever, and a glass of water to keep next to the bed. He places a cold compress on your forehead and dims the lights so you can rest, slipping quietly out of the room after he makes sure youâre comfortable.
As he leaves, you notice he hesitates near the door and takes a look back at you before he goes. Youâre not quite sure how to interpret the look, mostly because youâve never seen him like that before. He looksâŚsad? Concerned? Youâre not sure, but whatever the meaning behind it has your heart racing just a little faster.
Even with Fiveâs continued care, your fever remains and you somehow manage to feel even shittier as the day goes on. Your entire body aches, right down to your bones, and youâre so exhausted you can hardly keep your eyes open. Youâre sweaty and shivering and every time you cough it feels like fire in your lungs. You might even be hallucinating, because each time you wake up and open your eyes, Five is there. He usually has some amused look on his face, like you just said something interesting or funny, but youâre pretty sure youâve only been sleeping.
At one point you wake and heâs not in the chair across from the bed like he has been, but you can hear him out in the hall. Heâs talking to someone and he does not sound happy. He sounds like youâre used to him sounding. All frustration and rage.
âWhat do you mean youâre not coming home?â he spits out. Thereâs a pause. âAnd like I told you , sheâs sick.â Pause. âNo, dickhead, like really sick! You need to get your ass back here and act like a fucking adultââ Pause. âBecause sheâs your girlfriend!â he yells, and you can practically hear his jaw clenching from the other room.
Thereâs another long pause and you can hear him pacing back and forth. He laughs sarcastically at whatever has been said to him on the other end.
âYeah, great ideaâŚyou stay there and enjoy yourself. Iâll take care of her. Just like I take care of everything else around here.â
He must have hung up because you hear him muttering angrily to himself. âFucking, self-absorbed asshole! Iâm not sure why I expected anything different. Fuck!â
After a minute or two, Five comes back into the room. Heâs obviously still upset but is trying to cover it up. Seeing that youâre awake, he comes to stand next to the bed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
âSo, I got ahold of Klaus finally,â he tells you.
âYeah, I figured that part out.â You smile weakly up at him. âAnd it also sounds like heâs not coming home?â
Five rubs the back of his neck. âIt appears not. Not for a couple of days, anyway. Seems like he went with a random group of people he met at a club last night and he somehow ended up in Toronto, the fucking jackass. Without a valid passport! Only Klaus would somehow figure out how to cross international borders on charm alone. Either that, or he blew the border guard.â His voice softens and he looks down at you. âIâm sorry heâs not here.â
âThatâs ok. I think Iâd rather have you here taking care of me, anyway. Klaus is usually much more interested in taking care of Klaus.â
Five gives a short laugh and shakes his head. âWhat the hell do you two have in common, anyway?â
âWellâŚâ you smile knowingly, even though just that motion of moving your cheek muscles hurts.
âOk, no, please donât finish that sentence. Iâm sorry I asked.â
Throughout the next day and night, Five continues to care for you. Youâre not really sure why heâs so invested in making sure youâre ok, but you never question him. Instead, you let him fix your covers, and take your temperature, and bring you cold drinks. He makes you soup and watches to make sure you eat all of it. Itâs absolutely hilarious to see him like a mother hen, fussing over you and scolding you when you donât take his directions.
Even though youâre not well enough to leave yet, you are starting to feel a little better. Enough that youâre able to get up and take a hot shower. While youâre in there, Five takes the opportunity to change the sheets on the bed and he helps you back in when youâre clean and feeling more like a human again. Once you are all set up in bed again, you are able to sit up and stay awake, which is more than youâve been able to do over the past 24 hours. Five stands there at the side of the bed awkwardly.
âIâm really sorry for all of this,â you tell him. âThank you for taking care of me, though. I had no idea you made such a good nurse.â
Five scoffs, but thereâs a small smile there. âYeah, wellâŚyou shouldnât be. Iâm good at everything, remember? Also, Iâm not that heartless.â
âI never thought you were heartless. Maybe a little bitchy, but never heartless,â you say with a smile.
âWell, youâre about the only one, so thanks I guess. Although, Iâm not sure being described as bitchy is any better.â
You start to laugh, but it turns into a racking cough, and Five looks at you with concern.
âAll right, enough talking. You should really go back to sleep.â
You shake your head as you wipe at your watery eyes. âIâm sick of sleeping. Entertain me.â
âEntertain you? Jesus, here I am busting my ass to make you better and now I have to entertain you, too?â
Heâs trying to sound aggravated, but heâs not quite pulling it off.
âBut Iâm borrreddd,â you whine dramatically.
âChrist, fine, I will find something to entertain you, as long as you stop fucking whining like that.â
You smile with satisfaction since you got your way and Five tries his best to look unamused.
âI have lots of books; do you want to read?â
You nod. âWhat do you have?â
âFuck, I donât know, Iâm not going to list off an entire library of titles for you. What do you like to read?â
After thinking for a minute, you answer, âI doubt you have any, but I like classic romances.â
Five smiles slowly. âWell, then youâre in luck because I happen to also like classic romances.â
You almost start coughing again with surprise. âWhat? You? Number Five âHard-Assâ Hargreeves loves romance novels?â
âI am a very romantic person, I canât believe youâve never noticed,â he says with a hand on his chest.
âOh my god, well now Iâve heard everything. Alright, then, Mr. Romance; what do you have for me to read?â
He leaves for a few minutes, returning with a paperback novel in his hand. He holds it up for you to see the cover.
âLove In The Time of Cholera?â you read.
âItâs fitting, donât you think?â he answers with a smirk.
âI donât think I have cholera.â
âWell, maybe not but you have something just as disgusting. The plague, maybe. But this was the only book I have that includes both a deadly disease and romance.â
âI havenât read that one, but wasnât it written in the 1980s or something? Is that considered a classic already?â
âLook, do you want to read the fucking book or not?â
You nod with a smile. âYes, please.â
Five steps closer to the bed and holds out the book for you to take it, but you donât move. Instead, you look up at him with the saddest expression you can manage and poke out your bottom lip.
âI donât know if my eyes will be able to read such small print in my weakened state. Will you read it to me?â You bat your eyelashes dramatically.
âYouâve got to be kidding me,â Five sighs. âRead to you? Are you a child?â
âPlease? Come on, what else are you doing? Nothing.â
After another huff and a sigh that isnât very convincing, Five throws his hands up. âFine! Iâll read you the stupid book. But you better sit there and be quiet and not interrupt.â
You nod obediently and then pat the empty side of the bed next to you. You were halfway kidding, but after a look at the bed and then back to the chair and then back to the bed again, Five walks around to the other side and climbs in, propping himself up beside you. If his heart is pounding just a little faster from the proximity like yours is, he hides it well.
âWill you do different voices for the characters?â you giggle.
âShut up. Also, you have a booger hanging out of your nose and itâs making me sick. Get a tissue,â he grumbles.
After blowing your nose and using the hand sanitizer that Five holds out to you, you settle into the covers. But not before you take your index finger and poke him right in his cheek dimple. âIâm ready now.â
He bats your hand away with a scowl as you snort from trying to hold in a laugh with your stuffed-up nose.
âYou are such an idiot,â he tells you with a shake of his head, trying to hide a smile.
Five turns to the book and starts reading while you lie next to him. Pretty soon the sound of his voice has you closing your eyes and you sink deeper into the covers. When you hear him stop, you open your eyes and peer up at him.
âWhy did you stop?â you ask blearily.
âYou were sleeping.â
You close your eyes again and sigh. âKeep reading, even if I fall asleep. I like listening to your voice. Itâs nice.â
Even though you canât see him, you think you hear a breathy little laugh. âOk,â he says softly, before continuing on with the story.
You doze off again, and when you wake up the sun is lower in the sky and the room is dim. Your eyes adjust to the darkness and you see Five is still there. The book is closed and lying to the side and he is asleep on his back next to you. Then you see that your arm is flung over his stomach and you freeze. Heâs still sleeping soundly, so you slowly take your hand back, but not before making sure you get a good feel of his hard abs under your palm. You look at his face and see that itâs softer, his forehead uncreased, with his dark lashes fanned over the tops of his cheeks. His lips are parted just slightly while he breathes deeply and for a very brief moment, you think about running your fingers over them to see if theyâre as soft as they look. Instead, you clear your throat and he stirs.
When Five looks over at you, you smile shyly at him. âI think we both fell asleep.â
He runs a hand down his face and looks around him. âYeah, I guess we did.â He turns back to you. âHow are you feeling?â
You nod. âBetter, actually, thank you. And thank you for reading to me. I missed some of it, but I liked what I heard of it so far. And I get the gist that this guy in the book is going to start whoring his way around the world because of his unrequited love?â
Five laughs. âPretty much, yes.â
âGuys are disgusting no matter what time period they live in, I guess.â
Five raises one eyebrow at you. âYou do realize whose bed you are currently sleeping in, right? Probably the most disgusting one of them all.â
You frown. âKlaus isnât that disgusting. Heâs justâŚfree.â
Five gives a snort of derision. âIs that what you call fucking your way through several different timelines, including, but not limited to, an entire congregation of his own cult members?â
You feel your face turning red from embarrassment at being one of the many in Klausâs little trail of conquests, but you already knew that and hadnât cared before. So, why is it bothering you now? Why do you care what Five thinks? Instead, you change the subject.
âSo, you asked me what I have in common with Klaus, but what about you? Why do you live together if he seems to be a constant source of irritation for you?â
Five is quiet for a minute and he sits up in the bed and for a second you think heâs going to leave. But he just leans against the headboard and looks back down at you with a sad smile.
âYouâre right, he drives me fucking crazy and I would most definitely prefer to live on my own.â
âThen why donât you?â
âBecause Klaus is a hazard to himself.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âEven when we were kids, he was constantly getting into trouble. Whether he was getting bullied by some dickheads on the subway or being used by my father in some horrible way, he was always getting hurt. Both physically and mentally. Heâs just too damn trusting. When I was there, I would stand up for him. If I saw him getting pushed around or harassed in some way, then you could bet that whoever was responsible was getting their ass kicked. At home, there wasnât much I could do about that, but he would come to my room when he was scared or upset and Iâd let him hang out as long as he wanted, just to let him talk and calm down. When I left, among a million other things that haunted me during those years, I felt terrible that I had left Klaus unprotected.â
You stare up him, and you can see the hurt on his face as heâs remembering all of this.
âAfter I came back, I couldnât believe how far heâd fallen. I know you canât blame yourself for someone elseâs choices, but I kept thinking maybe he would have been ok if I hadnât jumped. Then, almost right off the bat, he gets kidnapped and tortured by people that were looking for me and then accidentally fucks off to Vietnam to earn himself some more trauma and heartache. Instead of protecting him, I was causing him more pain and suffering and Iâd hardly been back in his life for more than a couple of days. So, after a few more screw-ups and a grand old time in the 1960s, here we are again. I know what heâs been through and itâs a lot.â
âSo, you decided to live with him to watch out for him? To try and protect him again?â
Five nods. âI know Klaus isnât stupid. And heâs a survivalist, just like me, so Iâm not saying he canât get along without me. I just feel that I owe him something, at least. And the only thing I can really offer him these days is to try and look out for him. Maybe stop him from making mistakes that will end up causing him more harm in the end. Like taking too many drugs, sleeping with dangerous people, or getting stranded in Canada with strangers. So, as you can see, Iâm doing a real bang-up job.â
You smile up at him. âI donât think thatâs your fault.â
Five frowns. âWell, anyway, there you have it. He drives me fucking crazy and makes me want to put his head through a wall most days, but if Iâm here then at least I can keep an eye on him.â
âSo, am I one of these dangerous people you want to keep him from sleeping with?â you ask just to be a smart-ass and maybe a little flirty.
He gives you a look you donât know how to interpret. âYou are most definitely dangerous, but not in the way you might think.â
Youâre not sure how to answer that as you feel your cheeks blush. âYouâre a good big brother.â
âNot really.â
You rest your hand on top of Fiveâs, giving it a light squeeze and he looks down at it. âNo, I mean it, Five. Youâre a really good brother to him.â And you do mean it.
He swallows hard and looks you in the eyes, holding your gaze for a long time. He gently strokes his thumb against the side of your hand, and itâs the most contact youâve ever gotten from him. Itâs only an instant before heâs taking his back again.
He shakes his head and his voice is almost a whisper when he speaks. âYou donât understand. Iâm really not.â
After another awkward moment, he clears his throat and moves off the bed. He pauses in the doorway and turns back to you.
âIâll bring you something to eat, ok?â
You nod. âThank you.â
Then heâs gone and youâre left lying there wondering what the hell just happened between you two.
************************************
I thought I had finally gotten my shit together. After that little setback when she caught me beating my meat in the shower and I turned into a giant asshole, we had been back on friendly terms. And I had told myself to stop being a delusional creep and fantasizing about things that werenât ever going to happen. So far, I have been doing pretty well. Then she got sick.
Normally, the only reason I would care whether or not someone was sick would be so that I could stay away from them. I have dealt with more than my fair share of horrible illnesses and injuries in my life and managed to come out of them mostly unscathed and with no one elseâs help. So itâs hard for me to feel too much sympathy for folks with access to advanced medical care and simple things like aspirin or Neosporin. I lost track of how many times I would have killed just for some Imodium and a bottle of Gatorade after eating some not-so-great canned food.
As soon as I saw her all miserable and shivering from a fever like that, though, my heart couldnât stand it. All I wanted to do was make her feel better and I didnât care if I was exposed to her germs or not. I would have taken all of them if it meant sheâd feel well again. Thatâs how much sheâs gotten to me.
My first instinct was to bring her into my bed, but I quickly changed my mind. I didnât want it to seem like I was hinting at anything or being a weirdo, so I opted for the better choice of Klausâs bed. Even though the thought of her being in there, no matter the purpose, leaves me with a gnawing feeling in my stomach. But thatâs ok, the only thing that mattered was that she was cared for.
Those first 24 hours were interesting, to say the least. Iâm still not quite sure what to think about it. She was feverish and exhausted, and she started hallucinating and talking in her sleep. At first, I didnât think much of it. Itâs not abnormal for people with high fevers to experience these things. But when I didnât leave her side except to get her more medicine or anything else she needed, she must have realized I was there even if she wasnât totally in her right mind. She started talking to me, but it didnât make sense. At least, I told myself it didnât make sense. Because I donât want to acknowledge the very unrealistic notion that it may have been her true feelings.
âItâs you,â she had said weakly, her eyes barely open as I sat in the chair across from her.
âYeah, itâs me. Did you need something?â
She shook her head very slowly and her eyes closed again. âNoâŚI meanâŚitâs you, Five. Itâs always you.â
I didnât how to take that or how to respond, so I didnât say anything and she drifted back into a sound sleep.
It had turned dark outside and I hadnât bothered to turn on a light in the room, but I was still sitting there and I had almost fallen asleep myself. Then I heard her speak again.
âFive?â
I got up and went to her side, and even in the dark, I could tell that she wasnât completely awake or lucid. She had a sheen of sweat on her forehead from the fever and I placed my hand on her head, hoping the coolness of my skin would feel good. She sighed and smiled.
âYouâre hot,â I told her, obviously meaning the temperature of her forehead.
She had laughed dreamily, her eyes still closed. âSo are you.â
I took my hand away and smiled down at her, deciding to go ahead and tease her even though I knew she wasnât with it. âOh yeah? I think youâre just saying that so Iâll continue waiting on you hand and foot.â
âNoooâŚlike soooo hot. Can you not be so hot all the time? Itâs not fair. With no shirtâŚ"
It was like talking to a drunk person, which I have lots of experience in, from both points of view, and I laughed again. âOk. Go back to sleep.â
She had turned over on her side and curled up, facing away from me, but she was still mumbling out loud.
âOkâŚIâll do whatever you say, Daddy,â she giggled.
After that, she was back into a deep sleep and I just stood there, frozen in place and trying not to read too much into that. The logical explanation was that she was dreaming about her father in a completely innocent way. However, the other, less plausible one would be that she meant it in a totally different and very naughty way. A way that if I thought about it too much was going to cause me some major problems in the crotch department of my pants. And she had said I was hot, too. Which again, I chocked up to her fever, but still. I didnât mind hearing it.
The third such incident had happened in the middle of the night. I was asleep and had been for some time. She seemed to be resting peacefully, but I still didnât want to leave the room just in case she needed something if she woke up. I was still in the chair when I was awoken by her nonsensical ramblings again.
âWhy donât you?â
I rubbed my eyes and got up, standing next to her to make sure she was ok and was going to fall back asleep again. In the dark, she must have sensed me, because she reached out and took my hand and pulled me towards her. She hardly had any strength, so I didnât have to move, but I did anyway and sat down on the edge of the bed.
âWhy donât you?â she asked again, her voice thick with sleep and her hand still latched onto mine.
âDonât what?â
âDonât like me,â she answered softly.
I didnât really know if she was talking to me or not inside of her head, but I decided to answer her. âI do like you.â
âGood,â she murmured, and then she was quiet again. I was about to get up and go back to my chair when she started talking again. âI like it when you call me that, you know.â
I frowned. I had no idea what she was talking about. âCall you what?â
âSweetheart,â she whispered and in the dark I could make out a smile on her face.
My heart just about jumped out of my chest. But then again, maybe she hadnât even meant that for me. Maybe she was talking about Klaus, or someone else. Maybe it was all a weird dream and it didnât mean anything rational at all.
I couldnât resist, though. I took my hand from hers and touched the side of her face, running my thumb over her warm cheek. âOk, sweetheart,â I said softly and my voice cracked. It was the first time I had said that without being a sarcastic jerk.
She smiled again and then burrowed deeper into the covers with a sigh. âFiveâŚâ
I wanted to die right there on the spot. I hated that I was letting myself create this little fantasy world for the two of us. All of these things she was saying meant nothing. She was delusional and not in her normal mindset. These things were most likely complete gibberish and had no bearing on anything. She was probably saying my name because I was right there and she had heard my voice. Or, more likely, she was telling me off in some dream she was having where I was being my usual pleasant self.
But that tiny little possibility for any of that to be trueâŚthat was all I could think about. And damn, it was driving me crazy.
When she had fallen asleep while I was reading to her, I kept going for a while because she had said she liked hearing my voice. But when I was sure she was deep enough asleep that she wouldnât notice, I stopped. I should have left then, but I didnât. Instead, I watched her sleeping for a while; noticing the rise and fall of her chest and the way her lips were slightly parted as she breathed in a steady rhythm. I wanted to pull her next to me and hold her. I wanted to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. I didnât do those things, but I did stay where I was. I laid there next to her, comfortable and warm and I didnât want that moment to end. I loved it.
Now itâs two days later and my stupid ass brother still hasnât shown up. Not that Iâm really complaining, but Iâm sure she wishes he were here. I meant it when I said I know Iâm not a good brother to him. Iâve let him down many times in the past and now Iâm lusting after his ânon-girlfriend.â Pretty shitty if you ask me. Still, he should be here. Leave it to Klaus to up and abandon her when she needs him the most. Although, she had said she was happy I was here for her.
She is feeling better, at least, and is up and around more. We have developed a kind of routine and have fallen into a comfortable companionship. I know she likes chicken and rice soup and not chicken and noodle. She prefers Sprite over ginger ale and her favorite tea is chamomile. She loves the movie Grease and hates any and all sports movies. And of course, she loves classic romance novels.
Iâve continued reading the book to her, even though sheâs well enough to continue reading it herself. She said she likes listening to me and I like doing anything that makes her happy. She still canât get over the fact that the main character in the book ends up banging 622 women during his decades-long fuck-a-thon.
We are nearing the end of the book today and Iâm sitting on the couch with my feet on the coffee table (I knowâŚhypocrisy at its finest). She is sitting next to me when she scoots over and lays her head on my shoulder.
âWhatâs this?â I ask, trying to act annoyed, when of course I couldnât be happier.
âI want to see the pages while you read. Make sure youâre not skipping anything to get to the end faster.â
I roll my eyes. âI promise I am not skipping anything. What do you take me for?â
âA cynical bastard?â
She looks up at me with a grin and I do my best to look irritated. âDo you want to finish this damn book or not?â
âYes, darling.â
Itâs heavy with sarcasm, obviously, but I still get a little rush when I hear her say it. I want so badly to lean my cheek against her head, feeling the softness of her hair against my skin. Instead, I sigh heavily and open the book.
âHey, wait, so weâre almost to the end now and Florentino has been whoring around for a long time. I forget, how long has it been exactly?â
â51 years, 9 months, and 4 days.â
âDamn,â she says with a chuckle. âThatâs a really fucking long time to wait around. Even if you are banging a bunch of people along the way. I mean think about it. Thatâs likeâŚ5 decades justâŚputting your life on pause. Can you imagine? God, Iâd go insane.â
Iâm suddenly very uncomfortable since that statement hit a little too close to home. I shift in my seat and the movement makes her lift her head and look up at me. I donât meet her eyes, though.
âOh, shit,â she gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. âI am so sorry, Five. I didnât meanâ"
âItâs fine.â
âNo. No, I just forgot and that was a really insensitive thing for me to say, andâŚgod dammit, I always do stupid shit like this. Iâm always just blurting things out without thinking about what Iâm saying.â
âReally. Itâs ok,â I assure her.
She lets out a frustrated exhale and sheâs starting to mess with her fingernails like she always does when she gets nervous.Â
âHey,â I say, putting my hand on her leg. âYou donât have to feel bad. Iâm not offended. And itâs true, you would go insane. I can vouch for that.â
She looks down at my hand on her leg and I quickly take it back. When she looks at me, her eyebrows are drawn together in concern.
âCan I ask you something, then?â
âSure.â
âSo, I know all about your âaccidentâ or whatever you want to call it. Klaus told me everything and itâs just so awful, Five. The fact that you are here and functioning and not locked up in a looney bin somewhere is nothing short of amazing.â
I let out a short laugh. âThanks, I guess? Although some days I feel like I should be locked up. But that usually just has to do with having to deal with my moronic family.â
She doesnât laugh at my joke to deflect, and instead, she continues looking at my face with not exactly pity, but something close to it. It makes me uneasy.
âOk, well, anyway, thereâs something Iâve wanted to know. Have youâŚhave you ever been in a relationship with anyone? Like romantically?â
Well, if I felt uneasy before itâs nothing to how Iâm feeling now. I would like to sink down in between these couch cushions and smother myself to death. How am I supposed to answer that without sounding like a fucking lunatic? Then again, if anyone would understand, itâs probably her.
I clear my throat and rub the back of my neck. âThatâs kind of a loaded question.â
âIs it?â
"Well, the short answer is yes. I was in a serious relationship for a very long time. Decades, in fact. But that ended a few years back.â
âOhâŚI thought you were alone that whole time. So you had a partner?â
âYes, you could say that. Dolores was more than my partner, though. She was all of the things I needed when I wanted to give up. She was my rationality, my calm in a storm, my teacher and my friend. She taught me love, patience, and perseverance above all odds. She was my entire world and the main reason Iâm still standing here today. She was my everything and the love of my life.â I pause and I look her directly in the eyes. âAnd she was made up entirely of my imagination and a department store mannequin. But she was very real to me.â
She blinks a few times and I can tell she is trying to process all of that. And I canât blame her. What is the appropriate response to that? If youâre a dick, you laugh. If youâre some sappy, bleeding heart with no control over your emotions, you cry. But if you are a normal, sympathetic person with actual brains, then it gets complicated.
âFive, IâŚI donât know what to say. ThatâsâŚâ
âSad? Disturbing? The most fucked up thing youâve ever heard?â
âBeautiful.â
I look at her in disbelief. âWhat?â
âIf she was all of those things to you, then that means you are all of those things. You are the reason you persevered and survived all those years. Because you made sure of it in the only way you knew how. And Dolores was the vessel that helped you compartmentalize everything, letting you deal with the horrors of your reality while still maintaining all of the good parts that are inside of you. Itâs brilliant, actually. And hopelessly romantic.â
âNo one has ever interpreted it in that way before. Although to be honest, I havenât really told many people. In fact, come to think of it, outside of my siblings, you are the only one Iâve told.â
âWow, really? Thank you.â
She sounds sincere and I know she is not judging me. I am very protective of Dolores and if she had said something flippant or thoughtless, I would have defended my lady love. But she didnât. She understands. Which just makes me want her more.
âYouâre welcome.â
âOk, so other than Dolores, have there been other women in your life?â
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. âYes, there have been. Not many, but a few. And none of them were relationships to speak of.â
She smiles. âAh, I see. A slew of one-night stands to make up for lost time?â
I chuckle and shake my head. âMore like a select few professional dancers.â
She makes a cringey face. âYikes. I guess that can be fun in its own way, though. Bringing home some hot strippers maybe isnât a bad way to spend a Friday night.â
âOh, no, I never brought them home. Or even left the club, actually.â Her raised eyebrows have me laughing. âIt is in my personal experience that the adage of âthereâs no sex in the champagne roomâ is not entirely true.â
She draws in a dramatic gasp with a big grin on her face. Then she slaps me on the arm. âFive Hargreeves, you are a giant slut! I canât believe you give Klaus shit all the time when youâre going around banging strippers in the back of the clubs. What did they do, lure you back there with lap dances? How much does it cost to bone a stripper these days?â
âI never said I paid for it,â I say with a smirk.
âWhoa whoa whoaâŚhold on. Let me see if Iâm understanding this correctly. You go to a strip club, probably buy a couple of drinks, maybe get a couple of dances, and they just magically take you into the champagne room and let you rail them?â
I shrug and drape my arms across the back of the couch. âThatâs pretty close, yeah.â
Her mouth is hanging open and I know Iâm acting like an arrogant prick, but I donât care. Her reaction is too funny. Itâs also all true.
âHoly shit.â She shakes her head with a smile. âWell, I hope you know that is not the normal experience for most guys. And the fact that it sounds like this has happened more than once leads me to believe you must be doing something extremely right in that room because girls like to talk.â
âIs that right?â I say with one eyebrow raised.
She nods. âIâm not entirely surprised. After I was able to get a quick preview of what youâre working with down there, I have no doubt you left these ladies with some major organ damage and a big smile on their faces.â
Now my mouth is hanging open in shock, but before I can stammer out some words, she starts laughing. Itâs immediately contagious and I join her, and I havenât laughed that hard in a very long time. It feels good and it almost erases the crushing feeling inside when I think about how I never want this time with her to end. Almost.
Chapter Five: Bizarre Love Triangle
The next day you are back to feeling normal again, and you should be going. Youâve missed a few days of work and you really need to get back there. But you donât; you stay. You like the little infirmary Five has created for you. You feel safe and cared for, and if you leave that feeling will be gone.
Klaus decides to return sometime during the afternoon. He breezes in, smelling of cigarettes and unwashed clothes, with a smile on his face and seemingly not a care in the world. You are annoyed, sure, but you secretly donât even care that heâs been gone. And itâs just so hard to stay mad at him because itâs Klaus. He is who he is and itâs no surprise, really.
Five, however, finds nothing amusing about it. You stand there and watch as he loses his ever-loving shit.
Barely two minutes after Klaus is in the door, Five is appearing in front of him in an angry swirl of light, already leaning in with bared teeth and clenched fists.
âWhere the fuck have you been?â he growls in Klausâs face.
Klaus, always immune to his brotherâs rage, raises a hand to his head and closes his eyes. âShhhâŚFiveyâŚplease, can you keep the screaming to a dull roar? My skull feels like itâs breaking in two.â
âIt is going to be breaking in two when Iâm through with you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Donât you have any decency? She has been on deathâs door for the past two days and you donât bother to come home or even call to check in?â
Five is gesturing to you while you stand off to the side, not sure whether you should be jumping in or not. You donât really appreciate being talked about like you arenât there, but youâve never seen Five this worked up before and itâs intimidating, to say the least.
Klaus sighs dramatically and looks over to you. âIâm sorry. Youâre ok now, though, right?â
âUh, yeah, I amâŚâ
âSee? Sheâs ok, so no harm done,â he tells Five.
âYeah, she is ok, thanks to me. Thatâs not even the point, though! You need to stop thinking about only yourself all the time. Grow the fuck up and act like an adult.â Five is still yelling loudly and Klaus is flinching with each word thrown in his face. âGod, youâre so fucking useless sometimes!â
âHey!â you interject. âFive, stop. I know youâre mad but you donât have to be mean.â
He whips his head in your direction and the ire is still there. âMean? Iâm being mean? You do realize he just up and abandoned you, right?â
You stand up straight and raise your chin. âI think abandoned is a strong word. And Iâm an adult, too, you know. I appreciate everything you did for me, but I think I could have survived without either of you.â
Five is silent, but his eyes donât leave yours. Heâs still angry, but thereâs something else there. Hurt.
âFine,â he concedes and his shoulders slump a little. âForget I even said anything. You two dumbasses really do deserve each other.â
After that, heâs gone. Disappeared again before your eyes and you know heâs not in the apartment anymore. You doubt youâll see him back here again anytime soon. You fucked things up again, and you donât know how to fix it this time. You look at Klaus.
âWhy didnât you come back? It would have been the decent thing to do. I thought you cared a little more about me than that.â
Klaus massages his temples with his hands and lets out a loud exhale. âI know, I know. Iâm sorry. I didnât mean to be gone that long, and it was a little tricky to get back into the country without documentation. Especially when the guards on duty that day are all alpha males with no sense of humor.â He looks at you with concern. âI really am sorry.â
âThank you.â
âYou seem back to normal, now, so thatâs good. Iâm glad at least Five was here.â
You nod. âMe too.â You look towards the door, even though thatâs not the way he left. âI donât think heâs going to want to have anything to do with me again, though.â
Klaus is already on his way to the bathroom and he waves a hand in the air dismissively. âNah, donât worry about him. Heâll get over it. He always does. Come on, want to join me in the shower?â
âNo, thanks,â you answer with a pinched smile. You may not be that angry with Klaus, but you are pretty annoyed. And certainly not in the mood for anything more than chit-chat right now.
Itâs later that night, and why the hell youâre still here you have no idea. You should have left hours ago. You just canât help but want to see Five again and to maybe try and smooth things over. And youâre worried about him, too. Obviously, he can take care of himself, but that doesnât mean he wonât do something stupid just because heâs pissed off and not thinking clearly. So, while Klaus is in his room sleeping off his three-day bender, you lie down on the couch. You canât sleep though so youâre staring up at the ceiling in the dark when you hear a familiar whooshing noise and brief flash of blue light coming from the kitchen. You get up and enter the kitchen quietly.
Five stops short when he sees you, his eyes wide for half a second before he corrects himself and he adopts his signature glare. You watch him as he walks to the sink, grabs a glass out of the cabinet, and fills it with water from the tap. You notice how he swayed a little when he walked and the way his eyes were momentarily unfocused. He turns his back to you as he takes a long drink of water.
âWhat are you still doing here?â he asks after he swallows.
âAre you drunk?â you ask, ignoring his question.
He gives a short and haughty noise, half snort, half laugh, and he swallows down another gulp of water.
âHardly,â he answers, still turned away from you. He is deliberately not looking at you, probably waiting for you to give up and leave first.
âYes, you are,â you insist.
Five turns, spinning abruptly around and facing you head-on. He slams the empty water glass on the counter behind him.
âAnd what if I was? What the fuck does it matter to you?â he barks, his face hard and angry.
You arenât going to let him win this one. You arenât going to let him chase you out of there.
âWhere were you anyway?â
He puts his hands in his pockets and leans back against the counter. His hair is disheveled and hanging in his eyes again. His shirt, although slightly wrinkled, is unbuttoned just far enough that you can make out the hard line of his collarbone and the outline of his pecs. He is all tense joints and sinew, skin tight and smooth over rippling muscles; everything coiled tight. He notices you staring at his body and he smirks.
âAw, did you miss me tending to your every need, princess? Not getting enough attention from my dear brother in there?â He nods his head toward Klausâs room.
You cross your arms defensively over your chest, staring him down. âDonât you dare fucking talk to me like that, Five. We are past that.â
He gives another sarcastic huff and turns his back on you again. âGo back to your boyfriend. Leave me alone.â
âHeâs not my boyfriend,â you answer flatly, although thatâs hardly relevant.
Five doesnât say anything in response at first and you think youâve won this weird little game you two are playing. Then you see his shoulders slump and his head hangs down.
âThen what are you doing with him?â he asks quietly.
You pause, blinking into the dim light of the kitchen, watching the muscles in his back flex through his shirt as he presses his palms harder into the countertop.
âWhat do you mean?â you ask with a tremble in your voice.
Five turns around to face you, the softness you had heard for just a moment gone again. He takes a menacing step toward you and you instinctively back up.
âI mean, what are you doing with Klaus? Why are you with him?â
Five continues to slowly make his way into your personal space. His eyes are dark and heâs breathing hard with anger or drunkenness, or both. You back up, but you find yourself trapped against the wall. Five pauses for a moment, like heâs unsure he wants to follow through on whatever heâs thinking. But then heâs taking another step toward you, and another, until heâs so close you can see the tiny flecks of brown in his otherwise clear green eyes.
You take a shaking breath in and you can smell the whiskey on his breath, and the leathery scent of the soap you recognize from the shower. You can hear the squeak of his leather dress shoe on the floor and the way the fabric of his pants brushes softly between his legs as he moves in.
When you donât answer, he asks again, his voice low and demanding. âWhy are you with him?â
You swallow hard and try to look away, but his stare is too intense. âIâŚI donât know.â
âYes, you do. Tell me.â
Heâs leaning in, trapping you between his forearms as they are pressed against the wall next to your head, his lips just inches from yours as he waits for your answer. You have a feeling heâs not going anywhere until he hears what he wants to hear.
Your voice is barely a whisper when it comes out. âBecause I donât like being alone.â
One half of Fiveâs mouth curls up in a self-satisfied smirk. When he closes the already small gap between you and him, he rests his hand on your hip as your thigh grazes against his groin. You can feel the firm bulge starting to form in his perfectly fitted pants as you hold your breath.
âFuck,â he murmurs painfully.
Before you can react, his mouth is on yours, hungry and rushed, like heâs trying to get as much of you as he can before he changes his mind again. But he doesnât pull away. Instead, he presses further into you, flattening you against the wall, his hands clutching firmly to your hips. The weight of his entire body is pressed upon you, your breasts pushed against his chest and your groin flush with his. You take in a gulp of air between open-mouth kisses, half-resisting and half-responding to his touch.
If he senses any hesitation from you, he ignores it. Instead, he moans pitifully in his throat, raising both of his hands to bunch your hair into his fists. The feeling of his fingers against your scalp is like a spark; igniting the rest of your body so that you find yourself grabbing the back of his shirt and pushing your lower body into him.
His hands release from your hair, only to trail down the sides of your face and onto your neck. Hot and insistent, you feel his fingers tracing over the tendons on either side, across your jugular, and dipping into the hollow curve above your collarbone. His mouth leaves yours and follows the same route of his fingers; kissing softly but urgently in a linear pattern.
You are still grasping handfuls of his shirt on his back and then his chest. âFive.â
You donât know what the meaning behind you saying his name is. You donât want him to stop, but you canât think clearly so itâs the only thing that comes out.
âItâs not fair,â he growls into your skin, moving to the other side of your neck. âNot fucking fair.â
A whine escapes your throat and you find yourself arching into him. Into his kisses and into his body. You want more and you donât care that heâs drunk or that he all but forced himself on you. Youâre not going to push him away and you stop kidding yourself that you were even thinking about it in the first place. It feels good. He feels good. And it feels right.
His kisses abruptly stop and when you open your eyes, youâre met with his intense gaze again. His mouth is parted as he labors for breath, chest heaving against yours. His hands are on your neck again. This time, they are encircling it, his palms warm against your skin and his thumbs on your chin, holding you in place and forcing you to look at him.
Fiveâs eyes are searching your face, taking in every detail.
âI want you. And I donât fucking care about Klaus or anyone else. I want you,â he states quietly and breathlessly. âBut if you want me to stop, tell me and I will. Iâll leave and you can go back to him.â
You frown, your eyebrows drawing together, as you take in the sharp angles of his face and the evident pain and longing that is written all over it. You could end this right now. He would step back, remove his hands from your body, and let you go. But thatâs not what you want.
You shake your head slowly. âNo. Donât leave.â
âFuck,â he breathes out again as if heâs disappointed in your answer.
Thereâs no time to contemplate that, however, because you are being hoisted up in one boost, Fiveâs strength more than enough to lift you easily off the ground. On instinct, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist. You can feel how hard he is as you pass over his groin and he gives a little grunt at the feeling.
Itâs all a delirious haze as you cling to him, kissing his face and neck and winding your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. All while he is carrying you down the short hallway to his bedroom, bumping into the doorjamb on the way in, and closing the door behind him with a kick of his foot.
He walks over to the bed, dropping you down a bit ungracefully. Not that you care. Youâre too busy trying desperately to shed your clothes as he does the same, the room filling with the sound of your loud and ragged breathing.
Since you were only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, youâre finished before he is and you lie back, watching as he fumbles with his belt buckle and shoves his pants hurriedly down. His shirt is off already, and you take in the hardness of his chest and the way his shoulders and biceps flex and relax with each movement. The tight boxer briefs he is wearing are damp where his hard cock has been leaking into them.
Itâs all happening so fast, and heâs on top of you in a matter of seconds, pinning you down to the mattress, both of you naked and clawing at one another. He is grabbing and kneading your ass with one hand while the other one is on your breast, squeezing almost to the point of pain. But it feels so fucking good, and youâre just as forceful; digging your fingers into his hip and raking your nails roughly down the smooth skin of his back.
âFive,â you whine, unable to say anything else as he bites and sucks at your chest.
Heâs groaning and gasping against your skin, like heâs drowning; like he canât get enough. His mouth is everywhere. Your tits, your stomach, your neck.
He lets out a frustrated growl, even as he takes everything he wants and you let him.
âI hate itâŚâ he mumbles, words cut off as he drags a tongue across your hardened nipple.
âWhat?â you ask after inhaling a sharp breath, your fist tangled in his dark hair.
Five doesnât stop, even as he answers you, moving further down your body.
âI hate that he kisses you. I hate that he touches you,â he moans, his lips grazing over you and the words hot against your skin.
He pushes your legs apart and you pull in a deep breath, your hips rising off the bed in response. His mouth is on your inner thigh, pressed against it while his words vibrate over and through you.
âI hate that he makes you wet, and knows how you taste.â
Five is on his knees, face buried between your legs as he licks at your pussy, tongue lapping up the continual flow of your arousal and spreading it up through your aching folds. Heâs holding you by your waist with both hands, steadying you as you thrust up into him. His mouth is hot and wet as it engulfs you in messy kisses and licks, the tip of his tongue darting over your clit as he drinks in your wetness and swallows it down.
The accuracy is tortuous, as he hits his target each time, leaving you writhing desperately beneath him, biting your bottom lip as you try in vain to quiet the noises heâs eliciting from you.
âFi-iveâŚ,âyou whine pathetically before inhaling another loud breath.
His mouth is off of you again, leaving you soaking wet and desperate for more. Five is back to kissing up your body, going back over the trail he left on the way down. When he gets to your mouth, he kisses you hard and deep. You can taste your own sex on his tongue as it slips past your lips and inside, colliding with yours. As he bites and pulls at your lips with his teeth, you can feel his cock pressing against the inside of your thigh as he moves his hips rhythmically against you.
âI hate that he fucks you. I hate that he makes you come.â He pauses as he lets out another quiet moan. âAnd I hate that I hate it.â
He has pulled away from you, green eyes boring into you as he looks into yours. He hasnât bothered with asking if anything he is doing is ok, probably taking your moans and involuntary hip jerks as proof that you were ok with everything. But now, he seems to be waiting for something. An acknowledgment of what he said. A sign that you want what he wants.
âDonât you know?â you ask him, panting, as you look back at him. âWhen I close my eyes, itâs always you.â
One corner of his mouth is turned up, more than satisfied with your answer, as he is repositioning himself and shoving inside of you. You cry out, not even trying to hold it back, as your head falls backward and you clutch onto his shoulders. Fiveâs own loud groans are punctuated by each slow thrust of his hips as he holds himself over you on his forearms. Your eyes meet again, his face hovering over yours, dark hair hanging in messy strands off his forehead.
âFuuckâŚIâve wanted this for so long,â he breathes out, not breaking eye contact.
Heâs slamming into you, his more than sizeable dick filling you up with each push. And itâs like nothing youâve ever felt before. The way his body fits into yours. The way he looks at you. The intensity mixed with need and want. This is how fucking should feel. And you want to feel this way forever.
He has lowered himself so that your faces are closer; lips just an inch apart. He hasnât changed his pace, though, still penetrating you over and over again in the perfect rhythm. Your hands run over the tight muscles of his rounded shoulders, nails raking red lines down his back as you lift your legs higher and angle your hips up.
âLook at me,â he demands and you open your eyes immediately in response. âI want you all to myself. I want you to fuck me. Scream for me. Come for me.â
There was no question posed, but you find yourself nodding along, agreeing with each word he says; arching into him and pulling him closer.
Itâs not long before the tension is building, the heat spreading out through your groin until itâs no longer bearable. Heâs pounding into you with precision and just enough force that you know youâll be sore tomorrow. But that thought is far back in your mind, and you focus on his loud breathing against your skin, the feral look in his eyes, the way his body moves so perfectly in time with yours.
You come for him, just like he wanted, and youâre loud and desperate; thrashing underneath him, clutching tightly to his sweat-dampened skin. When you moan his name, long and pleading, his thrusts stop as his hips slam into you one more time, his cock unloading inside of you as he shudders and buries his face into the crook of your neck; a painful-sounding growl mixing with his stuttering breath.
Five stays like this, breathing in the scent of your skin and hair, for a minute or two before he lifts himself off of you, lying next to you on his back. Heâs still breathing hard, but you can already see the wheels turning in his head; the regret and shame washing over him. You donât want him to feel like that, though. Thereâs no reason for him to feel that way.
âFive?â you ask hesitantly.
He turns his head toward you, slowly, hands resting on his chest. Youâre not really sure what to say. You want to tell him itâs ok. That you were just as much of a part in this as he is. But you know that will probably make him angry.
âDo you wantâŚâ your voice breaks as you look at him, realizing this passionate moment is most likely coming to an end. âNever mind. I can go.â
You sit up and start to maneuver off the bed when you feel his hand on top of yours. When you look back, his face is different. Itâs more resolved now, like heâs figured something out.
âNo,â he says softly. âStay.â
âButâŚâ You glance at the closed door of his bedroom, and he knows what youâre thinking because heâs probably thinking the same thing. Klaus. Thereâs also zero chance that Klaus hadnât heard your loud cries of his brotherâs name and the bed slamming against the wall.
âI donât care. Stay.â When you look back at him, he smiles just a little. âPlease,â he adds.
You return the smile, pushing the covers down so that you can both get underneath. He draws you to him with an arm around your middle and you nestle into his chest. Heâs warm and his arm around you is strong, and it feels good.
Neither of you say anything more as you give in to your tiredness, drifting off while Five trails soft lines up and down your arms with his fingers.
Sometime during the night, you feel Five behind you, pressing himself against you and pulling you closer. Heâs hard again and lightly kissing your shoulder, running his hand down your arm and then your thigh. You smile sleepily, not even opening your eyes, and push back into him, wordlessly letting him know you want him again.
Youâre both caught in that hazy delirium of not being fully awake and Five thrusts into you slowly, rubbing his cheek softly against your hair. Itâs passionate and pure, and you might have thought it was a dream if the words he was saying to you werenât so real.
âI want this,â he whispers into the darkness. âI want this with you. Not just tonight, every night. Please.â
You sigh contentedly, pressing your backside into him as he fucks you perfectly.
âI want this, too. Itâs always you, Five,â you answer, reaching your arm back to cradle his head in your hand.
Heâs groaning low and desperately, his forehead pressed into your neck.
âIâll take care of you like you deserve,â heâs pleading as he thrusts harder into you and his hand moves between your legs, urging you on. âWhatever you need, Iâll give to you. Iâll make you happy.â
You whine quietly, already feeling the need for release. âI know you willâŚI knowâŚâ You gasp when he gives one forceful thrust, fingers pressing hard against your clit. âYouâre all I need.â
âPlease,â heâs murmuring against your neck. âPlease let me. Iâm all yours, sweetheart. Please,â he keeps repeating, right before youâre both shuddering and moaning as everything builds and you reach your apices together.
The post-orgasmic high you are feeling is mixing with your emotions and your exhaustion, and you blink into the darkness of the room, feeling Five pull out; the hot cum he just pumped into you seeping out and sticking between your bodies. It doesnât matter, though. He still has you in his arms as you both sink further into the mattress again.
He doesnât say anything more, and neither do you. You feel him nuzzle into your neck and your hair, his lips pressed against you and you sigh happily. Who knows what the morning will bring, but that is still several hours away, and no matter what, you belong to each other now. You interlace your fingers with his and settle into the perfect curve of his body as you fall back into a peaceful sleep.Â
When you wake up, the sunlight is streaming through the window and across Fiveâs bed, and you are alone. But it doesnât take long to figure out what woke you up in the first place. Loud voices are arguing, sounding like they are coming from the kitchen, and growing louder by the second.
âYou are a massive asshole!â
âOh, get over yourself, Klaus! Youâre only mad because itâs a blow to your fragile ego.â
Klaus gives a sarcastic snort. âUh, no, actually, Iâm mad because my own BROTHER fucked my GIRLFRIEND!â
âSheâs not your girlfriend! Youâve made that perfectly clear.â
âWhat-fucking-ever! Itâs still fucked up. Itâs still a betrayal!â
You hear Five laugh dangerously and you can picture his stance; body strung tight as a bow, jaw set in defiance, fists clenched.
âYou donât even care about her, Klaus. Admit it.â
Thereâs a pause as neither one of them say anything. You listen carefully for Klausâs answer, if he gives one. Finally, he speaks. Itâs quiet, but you can just make it out.
âMaybe not. Not in the way that I should, anyway.â He pauses. âBut hereâs the thing, Five. I cared about you. You know, youâre always reminding me to be careful all the time and not to be so trusting of everyone. Well, you were right; I trusted you and look how that turned out. Youâre not my brother. Go fuck yourself.â
You hear footsteps and then the door slams. Thereâs silence again.
You donât know what to do, so you stay put. Youâre still naked, though, so you scramble off the bed and gather up your underwear and the t-shirt you were wearing. As you yank it over your head, Five opens the door and walks in. Heâs carrying two mugs of hot coffee and he hands one silently over to you.
You say thank you as you accept the mug, but your smile of appreciation goes unreturned as Five crosses back the way he came and stands in the open doorway. His face is impassive. Uncaring. The opposite of the passion you saw in his eyes just hours earlier. You frown over your coffee as you take a small sip.
âI heard you and Klaus and Iâm so sorry. I know this is hard, butâŚâ you start to say, but Five cuts you off.
âItâs fine, donât worry about it. Look, I have a lot of things to do today, though, so you should probably get going.â
You flinch at his abruptness and you canât even pretend to hide your hurt. You see a faint flicker of some emotion in his eyes before itâs gone again. Blank.
âWhat do you mean? I thought weâŚâ your voice trails off, unable to finish the sentence as the words catch in your throat. You swallow and try again. âYou saidâŚâ
Five jumps in again before you can finish. âI was drunk, I didnât know what I was saying,â he replies, his voice flat and unmoving. âIâm sorry if I misled you. Obviously, this was a mistake.â
He says nothing more; just turns around and walks out, leaving you sitting on his bed, coffee cup in hand, and a sick feeling in your stomach. Your chest is tight and itâs hard to breathe. You canât believe whatâs happening right now. How heâs treating you. Your heart is breaking into a million pieces and itâs humiliating.
After you gather your things, pull on your clothes, and pack your bag with the few toiletries and other things youâve been leaving there, you head out to the living room. Five is there, dressed in his normal black slacks and white button-down, sitting in one of the chairs. He has a newspaper in his lap and he doesnât look up when you enter. You stand there, staring, until he reluctantly meets your eyes.
You are trying desperately to hold back tears, and for the most part you are doing a good job. But they are there, threatening to spill over at any second. You try to steady your voice.
âI get it if this is hard for you, Five. Itâs hard for me, too. I didnât want to come between you and your brother. But pretending that this was a mistake? That what you said last night didnât mean anything? Thatâs bullshit and you know it!â
He cocks his head to the side and crosses one leg over another as he gives you a condescending smirk.
âWhatâs the matter, sweetheart? Never heard of a one-night stand?â he sneers.
âFuck you,â you spit out, your voice hitching in your throat.
You turn away and head for the door before he can see you cry. On your way out, you stop and turn back. Heâs still sitting there, looking after you, the same non-expression on his face.
âOne last thing before I go. You did this, Five, not me. You pushed me away. So, if you wake up one day and youâre all aloneâŚyou only have yourself to blame. Because this could have been something really good.â
You turn and close the door behind you, not even bothering to look back again.
Chapter Six: My Own Worst Enemy
Iâve dealt with a lot of regret in my life. Times when Iâve wanted to kick my own ass and beat the living shit out of me. A couple of times Iâve been successful in rewinding time by a few minutes to fix my mistakes. Other times, not so much. But none of those times, barring that little snafu when I ended up living in a barren wasteland for 45 years, have come close to how much I hate myself right now.
After she slams the door shut, I blink myself over there. My hand is on the doorknob, mid-turn, when I stop myself again. I canât think straight and I donât even know what is right or what is wrong anymore. All I know is that all of this is my fault. If I had just kept to myself and kept my dick in my pants, I wouldnât be standing here like this now. I rest my forehead against the door and squeeze my eyes shut. I briefly think about going back and changing this. I only need a few minutes, not long. I can tell her Iâm sorry and that I donât want her to leave. I can tell her I did mean everything I said before. I can try and fix it. But I donât.
I slam my fist against the door and kick it at the same time. âFUCK!â
Thatâs all there is to say in this situation because I may have just lost the two most important people in my life. All because of my stupid, thoughtless actions. I feel bad about Klaus, but I know heâll eventually get over it. He might not forgive me, but I know heâll be ok. But herâŚthat look in her eyes when I told her I didnât mean any of itâŚI donât think I can fix that. I wouldnât even know how, because I donât think Iâve ever hurt someone that badly and that viciously before. If I have, I hadnât cared until now.
I had panicked. I thought I had made peace with everything and then Klaus had said what he did to me. Youâre not my brother. And he was right. Not only am I not even his biological brother, but I have been on my high horse pretending I can protect him, when really all I do is make shit worse. What kind of a brother, adopted or not, does that?
The thing is, if I had just gone about this in a completely different way, it probably would have turned out just fine. I could have gone to him, told him I had feelings for her and that I thought maybe she felt the same way, and apologize. Maybe he would have been a little mad, but in all reality, he probably would have been fine with it. Itâs the way that it happened that really threw a monkey wrench into the whole thing.
I know he wasnât all that into her, and vice versa. But to take the same girl that your brother has been sleeping with on a regular basis and fuck her (loudly), right down the hall from him without so much as a heads-up-pre-coitus emailâŚthatâs probably some sort of code violation right there. Granted, Iâm sometimes oblivious to social norms and things other people might describe as âtactâ, but I do know this is a pretty blatant faux pas.
I shouldnât have gotten so pissed. I shouldnât have gone off to drink my feelings away. I shouldnât have stayed in the kitchen talking to her. I shouldnât have done a lot of things.
I was mad at Klaus for not stepping up when he should have, but I was mostly just mad at him for having her in the first place. And then when she came to his defenseâŚthat was too much. I had to get out of there before I said or did something even worse. So, I did what I usually do when things get too scrambled in my brain; I went to find some booze.
The bar I chose was the first one I had come across while I was storming down the sidewalk, and I found an empty barstool where I could sit and wallow in self-pity. The place was a total dive, but it was dark and crowded and the bartender had no issue serving me as many shots of whiskey that I asked for. I think I was on my fourth when I noticed the girl on the other end of the bar eye-fucking me. She was cute, with dark brown hair and a minuscule top that didnât do much to hide her impressive rack. In my drunken state, I found myself staring back at her, which she took as an invitation.
I can hold my liquor, but after five shots, even Iâm going to get a little sloppy. Everything was a blur. It was dark, loud, and my senses were all screwed up. She was standing between my legs, leaning in to talk to me, and I could smell her perfume which I didnât particularly like. I donât even know what she was saying to me. Her hand was on my thigh and she was purposefully pressing her tits against me as she talked close to my ear. I could feel her hand moving higher up my leg, and she was saying something about leaving together and going back to her place. It sounded like a good idea, but something was off.
I felt her lips brush against my cheek and thatâs when I had a moment of clarity. Her voice was all wrong, her perfume was giving me a headache, and if I was paying attention to what she had been saying, Iâm sure I would have found her boring. More importantly, she wasnât her. And if it wasnât her, I didnât really give a shit. Grabbing the womanâs wrist with my hand, she stopped her kiss and pulled back, confused.
âStop,â I said, gradually snapping out of the trance I had been in. When she questioned me, obviously irritated that I would be turning her advances down, I let go of her hand, pushing it off of me. âGo shove your tits in someone elseâs face. Iâm not interested.â
With a glare, she turned around, but not before she flipped me off and called me an asshole. Thatâs when I figured I should get out of there before I drank enough that I wouldnât be able to find my way out. I also figured it would be safe to go home because she would have left the apartment hours before that. Wrong again.
When I saw her there, I just couldnât keep it up anymore. I couldnât see the point. And if she had slapped me across the face, or asked me to stop, I would have. I would have been humiliated, but I would have stopped. But she didnât want me to.
God, I can still feel her body against mine and hear her moaning my name. I can still taste her on my tongue and smell the sweat on her skin. She invaded all of my senses and sheâs still clinging to me. I have never begged anyone for anything in my entire life, and yet there I was, pleading with her to be with me. She had said she wanted to, and I could feel how much she meant it. We were going to be happy together; I had promised her I would take care of her like she deserves. It was all right there for me. All of the things I had been dreaming of and wanting for so long. Then I went and fucked it all up.
She was right, too. I will wake up all alone one day, and I will have no one to blame but myself.
Itâs a week later, and Iâm busy packing up all of my shit into boxes since I plan on moving out tomorrow. I havenât seen much of Klaus because he hasnât been around a lot and when he is, he avoids me and locks himself in his room. I had immediately started looking for a new place and I found one that is ok and will be fine short term. Itâs also fairly close to her coffee shop, which had not been intentional, but itâs not my fault thatâs where itâs located. Iâm packing up some books when Klaus comes and stands in the doorway. I look up, startled. Heâs holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and two shot glasses in the other.
âMind if I come in?â he asks.
âSure, come on in.â
He walks in and sits down on the edge of my bed. He puts the shot glasses on the side table and pours vodka into each of them, filling them to the top before he sets the bottle down. He hands one over to me and I take it from him even though Iâm confused as hell right now.
âWhatâs this for?â I ask.
Klaus shrugs. âI donât know, but I feel like we should have one more drink together before you move out.â
I donât know how to respond to that, so I just follow his lead and hold my glass up in a toast before slinging it back. It burns on the way down but it tastes good.
âYou donât have to leave, you know,â Klaus says after a long pause.
âYes, I do.â
He sighs and looks around my room. âLook, I know this is a weird situation, and I am still mad at you, but that doesnât mean I want you to leave.â
âYou told me I wasnât your brother and to go fuck myself,â I remind him.
âAh, yes, wellâŚperhaps I was a bit over-dramatic. I was just a tad hungover still and you were yelling just so loudly. Really, Five, your voice just pierces right into the brain sometimes and makes people say things just to get you to stop.â I shake my head. âNo, you were the appropriate amount of dramatic and I donât blame you. Youâre right, Iâm a shitty brother and I messed up big time. Which is why I need to leave.â
âLook, Five, I didnât mean all of that, ok? Yes, I was pissed. And yes, maybe what you did was not the greatest thing ever. But you were also right.â
âAbout what?â
âAbout not caring about her. I realize that regardless of our status, I still was a pretty shitty friend to her. Iâm glad she had you here. Even if you did rail her hard enough I think even I could feel it.â
I cringe. âKlaus, Iâm sorry. I know that doesnât begin to cover it, but I truly am sorry.â
He nods thoughtfully. âSoâŚhow long have you been in love with her?â
I stare, open-mouthed and wide-eyed; dumbstruck. Klaus laughs.
âYou think youâre so smart and slick all of the time, but I got news for you FiveyâŚyou ainât.â
âWhat are you talking about?â I sputter out, even though itâs about the worst acting anyoneâs ever done.
Klaus rolls his eyes and shakes his head. âItâs ok, you can admit it. Iâm not dumb or blind. Or deaf, as it turns out. I know how you operate around people, and I have never seen you like you are when youâre with her. You are one smitten kitten and you know what? Good for you.â
I am about to protest again, but when I go to deny it, I realize I just donât have the heart or the energy for it. âOk, youâre right, I love her. Iâm sorry, but I do. I have for a while now.â
He nods and smiles, not shocked by this information. âLike I said, good for you. You deserve love and happiness in your life, Five. Would I have preferred it to be with someone I hadnât also bumped uglies with? Probably. But hey, love works in mysterious ways, right? I mean, look at me! I fell in love with someone I met after falling out of the sky in the middle of a fucking war zone. Talk about bad timing! I guess we Hargreeves are good at bad timing, though, arenât we?â
He laughs, even though itâs more sad than funny and I stand there for a minute in thought. Then I come to a conclusion.
âThereâs only one way Iâm going to feel better about this and be able to move on with a reasonably clear conscience.â
âWhatâs that?â
âYou have to hit me.â
Klaus looks at me in disbelief. âUhâŚyeah, ok, Five. Iâm not falling for that.â
I shake my head and roll my shoulders back, facing him head-on. âNo, I mean it. I want you to punch me directly in the face. I wonât hit back or defend myself.â
âFive, I donât want to hit youâŚâ
âCome on! Iâm sure youâve thought about it on several occasions before. Well, now hereâs your chance. For the second time in your life, you can hit me in the face without any backlash. I promise.â
He chuckles. âOh yeah, that was a fun day. But seriously, even if I did want to hit you, which I donât, Iâm not even good at it, you know that. I never have been. Iâm like one of those guys in old cartoons where they swing and miss and just spin around in a circle.â
âKlaus, for fucks sake, stand up and punch me in the fucking face!â
After another pause, he stands up in front of me. Heâs still taller than me, despite me being at my full height now. He looks down on me nervously and I see his fists clench and unclench.
âReally? You really want me to do this?â
I nod. âI really do.â Then I hold my finger up. âHowever, just remember this is one hit.â
He shrugs and lifts his fist up, pulling it back and I close my eyes to brace myself. WHAM! He gets me right in the jaw and he is a big fucking liar because he is good at it and it hurts like a motherfucker.
âSon of aâŚFuck!â I yell, holding my face. I swear I can already feel a bruise forming and I run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they are all still accounted for.
âOh my god, Five, are you ok? Shit, Iâm so sorry. I canât believe I actually did that!â Klaus is panicking at first but after a couple of seconds, he starts laughing. âI canât believe I actually did that. And you havenât killed me or even maimed me! Man, I got you good, too.â
âYeah,â I mumble, still rubbing my throbbing jaw. âTurns out it hurts a whole lot more when you know itâs coming.â Klaus continues to laugh at my pain, and even though it hurts to move my face, I grin up at him. âThis was a one-time offer, by the way. So, donât be thinking youâre hot shit, because I will drop you without a second thought.â
Klaus gives a sarcastic salute. âMessage received, big bro.â He purses his lips together and gestures to the boxes around my room. âSo, are you still leaving?â
I nod. âYes, Iâm still leaving. And itâs not even all because of that. I donât think itâs doing either of us any good to be living together like this. I have realized that I was using you as an excuse not to move on with my life. I told myself I was doing you a favor when in reality, I was just looking for a purpose. Any purpose. But I need to figure that out for myself.â
âOk, but youâre just going to leave me all alone here?â
I shrug. âMaybe Luther wants to move in.â
Klaus looks horrified. âGood lord, no thank you! You skipped out on the grosser years of having to live with that barn animal and let me tell you, itâs no picnic. I donât need giant pairs of tighty whities thrown around my bathroom, or having boxes of my favorite cereal eaten up in two days.â
I grin and clap him on the shoulder. âYouâll figure it out, Klaus. You always do. And you donât need me to help you do it, either.â
âThanks, Fivey,â he says softly, before catching me off guard and pulling me in for a bear hug, trapping me against his chest.
âAh! My face! Let go, you stupid asshole!â He lets me go and I rub at my jaw again, glaring up at him. He is unfazed so I just shake my head. Klaus will always be Klaus, and I meant what I said. Heâll be just fine without me here.
*********************************************************************
âFeet. Off. The coffee table,â I say as I whack at Klaus with a rolled-up newspaper like heâs a cat on a kitchen counter.
âHey! Geez, alrightâŚkeep your shirt on, old man,â he protests as he tries to guard himself with his hands while removing his feet from where they were propped. âWhatâs got your little assassin bonnet full of bees today?â
âNothing! Maybe I just donât want your disgusting feet all over my furniture.â
Klaus tilts his head to the side, looking up at me. âNoâŚI donât think thatâs it. You seem even more murderous lately than normal.â Then his face lights up. âI know! I bet you havenât been laid in a while, thatâs got to be it. Thatâs an easy fix, too, because I bet if I go outside right now and made an announcement that the infamous and very sexy Number Five Hargreeves was looking for some action, youâd have a stampede of pretty ladies and probably some pretty men breaking down your door.â
âKlaus,â I start to say before he interrupts.
âWait! Hereâs a better idea. Me and you, we go on the prowl tonight. Iâll take you to some great clubs where you can meet someone thatâs suitable for banging. Well, theyâre not clubs as much as warehouses full of people tripping on acid, but still. I guarantee I can get you laid by the end of the night.â
âKlaus.â
âYeah?â
âShut the fuck up.â
When he manages to look like a kicked puppy, I roll my eyes and sigh. âThank you for your concern over my sex life, but I do not need to get laid. Iâm fine.â
He eyes me up and when I look away guiltily, he gasps with a hand on his chest. âHang on. Do not tell me the last time you put your banana in a fruit salad was withâŚâ
My silence is the only answer he needs and he gives another dramatic gasp, which makes me grit my teeth together.
âHoly shit, Fivey! Well, no fucking wonder youâve got your man panties in a wad lately.â
âAgain, and I say this with the utmost love and respectâŚshut the fuck up.â
He stands up. âNo, no, noâŚI will not shut up! So, youâre telling me that over the past six months , youâve been carrying a torch for her? Wow, that is some romantic shit right there. But still, that shouldnât stop you from driving the olâ Pope mobile into some lucky ladyâs Vatican now and then.â
âWhat is wrong with you?â
âWe donât have time to get into all of that right now. Besides, this is about you. Iâm serious, Five, you canât go on re-living your virgin years just because youâre a little hung up on one person.â
I shake my head and put my hands in my pockets. âIâm not just hung up on her. Sheâs all I think about. All day, all night. I still love her, Klaus.â
I donât know why I let my walls down just now and told him the truth, but the fact is we have actually been getting along much better now that we arenât under the same roof anymore. Iâm starting to feel a little more comfortable talking about things with him. And the nice thing about Klaus is that heâs done so many weird and fucked up things in his life, he never judges.
âOh, Five,â he says sadly. âI had no idea. You never mentioned it so I just assumed youâd moved on.â
âYeah, wellâŚitâs fine. Iâll get over it eventually.â
âYou know, the easy solution to this is to walk your cute buns over to that coffee place of hers and tell her what you just told me. Confess your undying love. Sweep her off her feet.â
I laugh and run a hand through my hair. âYeah, I donât think that would work. Pretty sure she hates my guts. And for good reason.â
âListen, as someone who had a very close seat to the âFive Hargreeves Fuck-tacularâ show, Iâm going to bet she doesnât hate your guts. No one sounds like that while getting their naughty bits plowed into oblivion and then just forgets about it.â
Ignoring that little comment, I shake my head. âYou donât understand. I really fucked this one up and I donât think thereâs any way to come back from it.â
âWell, all you can do is try. If she hates you, then itâs as you suspected and you can move on. If not, then you two can sail off into the sunset together. Thereâs really nothing to lose here.â
He has a point, but the thought of just walking in there to try and talk to her is terrifying. Iâm not sure I have the balls for it.
âWant me to go talk to her for you?â he asks.
âWhat? No!â When I see him smile mischievously, I jab my finger at him. âIâm warning you, Klaus, if you go over there and so much as even mention my name, I swear to god I will blink you to Antarctica and leave you there.â
Klaus waves his hand at me. âPleaseâŚyouâve been threatening that since we were kids. You really need to come up with something new. But, fine, I wonât go over there.â
When I nod my approval, I assume this conversation is done. Itâs not, apparently, and Klaus grins at me again.
âIn the meantime, how about I set you up on some casual dates? You donât want to be out of practice if your lady decides to take you back. What do you think? You up for a game of pelvic pinochle? Burying the weasel? Filling the cream donut? Launching the meat missile?â
I massage my temples with my fingers, trying to fight off the headache I can feel forming behind my eyes. âFor the love of all that is holy, Klaus, can you please shut the fuck up? I am begging you.â
He gives his annoying little Klaus giggle. âSure thing, Fivey. Whatever you say.â
âThank you.â
Four days later Iâm whacking at him with the newspaper again. This time for a different reason.
âOw! I didnât mention your name, just like you told me, I swear! Ow!â
âYou talked to her and gave her my address!â I yell, whacking at him harder around the head.
âDamnit, cut it out! You said donât mention your name and I didnât. She just happened to know who I was talking about. OW!â
I stop my assault and stand there, breathing hard through my nose as I glare at my stupid ass brother. âWhy? Why the fuck did you do that?â
âListen, Fivey, I love you and all but you are really your own worst enemy. Iâm trying to move things along for you; help you out. You canât stay here, all pent-up with sexual energy and moping around the house for the rest of your life. Donât you want to get out there and live? Donât you want someone to share your life with?â
I sigh and flop down into an armchair. Heâs right, of course, even if I donât want to admit it. âMaybe,â I mutter.
âOf course you do! Thatâs what everyone wants in life. And you, old timer, have been given the gift of time and the chance to start over. Thatâs like everyoneâs dream! So, donât just sit here and waste a gift like that. Not when you could be out there spreading a little of that teleporting-genius-infused DNA around with your special man sauce.â
I make a face. âGross. Please donât say âman sauceâ again.â
âAnywayâŚshe didnât say she wanted you dead and she accepted the piece of paper I gave her, soâŚI donât know, those are both good things, right?â
âI guess. Did she say anything else?â I ask, trying not to get my hopes up.
Klaus shakes his head. âNo, sorry.â
I wasnât expecting anything, but it still feels like a bit of a blow. I nod, and then I look at Klaus suspiciously. âDid you say anything else?â
He puts a hand to his chest. âWho, moi ? Of course not. Well, I did apologize for everything that went down, but like I said, your name didnât come up.â
âHmmâŚwhy do I get the feeling thatâs not the full truth?â
Klaus shrugs innocently. âI have no idea, but trust me. I bet any day now sheâll come knocking on your door wanting some more of that sweet, sweet loving from you. Just you wait.â
As if his prophecy was about to be fulfilled at that precise moment, I glance towards the door. What would I even say if she really did show up here? I had been avoiding her place like the plague, even though that meant taking much longer routes to certain places. Except for those few times when I couldnât help myself and I watched through the windows from across the street and then blinked away before she could spot me. Otherwise, the thought of having to face her again makes my stomach churn. So, maybe Klaus did do me a favor. Maybe she really will hunt me down and knock on my door one day soon. If she does, Iâm sure it will be just for the opportunity to chew me out. But, even so, the thought of seeing her standing in front of me again makes my pulse race just a little faster.
Link to the next few chapters here!
@baileebear
#five hargreeves x you#five hargreeves x reader#number five x reader#number five x you#five hargreeves#number five#klaus hargreeves#the umbrella academy#tua#number five fanfic#umbrella academy#tua fanfic#five x you#five x reader#tua five#smut#female reader#five hargreeves smut#fanfiction#requests open#umbrella academy fanfiction#umbrella academy fanfic#multi chap fic#badkittywrites
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Steel in Her Veins, Chapter: Nine
Read On: AO3 | Table of Contents | Next Chapter
Characters: Fem!Reader x Roronoa Zoro
Chapter Nine: The Niece of Oden
The niece of Oden. Thatâs all you were to them. A female, no less. From the earliest whispers of instruction, the expectations were clear: sit gracefully, adorn yourself, and be the picture of delicate beauty.
While boys of Wano honed their skills with blades, you were relegated to the sidelines. They immersed themselves in the rigorous dance of training, bodies bathed in sweat, their knees buckling under the weight of relentless practice. The air carried the pungent aroma of dried mud and the metallic tang of spilled blood.
As nightfall draped the land in obsidian hues, you sought solace by the window, palms pressed against the cold glass. Your eyes traced the graceful arcs of the boysâ swords, their movements unfolding like a mesmerising dance. In those stolen moments, you yearned to understand the visceral satisfaction of exertion, the sensation of hard-earned sweat trickling down your face. You pondered whether your blood bore the same crimson hue as theirs, if your lungs could inhale the world as expansively as theirs did.
You never chose this life - to be related to Oden. Even now, beneath the flickering flames in the quiet of the night, with molten metal as your only companion, you entertain the notion of an alternate destiny. A life where another name might grant you the freedom to seamlessly slip into the revered mantle of a female samurai.
From an early age, your spirit rebelled against the stifling norms. While boys unleashed battle cries and practiced their swordplay on training dummies, your own voice echoed too loudly, your spirit too untamed for their liking. The chastisements rained down upon you, attempting to stifle the echoes of your free-spirited defiance. Yet, your determination, hard-headed and resolute, only strengthened with each admonishment.
The moment your desire to become a samurai slipped past your lips, the ancestral hall became a theatre of amusement. Laughter, like a gathering storm, rolled through the room, carrying with it the weight of generations of ingrained expectations.
As the echoes of their amusement reverberated off the solemn walls, the clan members, adorned in traditional Kozuki garb, revealed expressions ranging from amused condescension to incredulous disdain. It was as if the very foundations of propriety had been jostled by your audacious revelation.
Among the sea of scoffs and smirks, a voice jeered through the laughter, a biting remark that lingered in the air like a venomous serpent.
"Who's been letting her play with boys?"
The mockery, though veiled in jest, carried the unspoken assumption that the realm of samurai was a sacred domain, exclusive to the masculine.
A second dissenting voice chimed in, objecting with the weight of tradition.
"Not fitting for a Kozuki girl!"
"Maybe more etiquette lessons would be in order..." Another offered.
The proposal, wrapped in the guise of refinement, hinted at the need to redirect your ambitions toward the prescribed path of a demure Kozuki lady.
In the face of the anticipated derision that permeated the room, you stood resolute, a lone figure amidst a sea of mocking adults. Their condescending smirks and dismissive glances were met with a quiet certaintyâa knowing glint in your eyes that betrayed a secret plan unfolding.
The impending act, the linchpin to reshape your destiny, unfolded with stolen glue in your possession. Each precious drop was meticulously squeezed into your cupped palms, and with deliberate intent, you coated both your hair and hands in the viscous substance.
The room held its breath as you slammed one hand and the cascade of glue-laden hair to the floor. Simultaneously, your other hand clung to your eyebrows, and your penetrating glare cut through the stunned silence.
"I yearn for more!" your voice echoed. "If my existence is confined to the spectacle of long hair and a pleasant smile, then Iâm prepared to tear it all away! I am ready to sacrifice!"
The gravity of your proclamation hung in the air, a potent declaration of defiance that resonated through the room. The room held a palpable tension, like a gathering storm waiting to unleash its fury.
The glue clung to your hair and hands, a sticky emblem of rebellion against the predetermined fate assigned to you as the cousin of Oden's children.
As the silence hung in the air, broken only by the ticking of the clock, your eyes locked onto a familiar faceâthe former shogun seated behind the imposing Kozuki conference table. It was an unspoken agreement; a pact of silence from all in that room that spared you from immediate retribution.
His chair creaked as he rose, the wood protesting against the movement, and the room seemed to hold its breath as heavy footsteps approached your defiant form. Was it the glue that clouded your senses, or was it the fear that gripped your heart? The distinction blurred in the gravity of the moment.
With a deliberate grace, the former shogun knelt down, a glint of curiosity flickering in his eyes as he surveyed the empty glue tube. His thumb idly twirled across the cap, and a grin crept onto his weathered face.
"Nice move," he commented, the pride thick in his voice. "I was wondering when you were going to steal that.â
đ
You wake up with a groan, feeling the slow passage of time like glue dripping, glue that resists to harden, at the tips of your fingers. Like glueâŚGlueâŚ?
Your fingers gingerly touch your head, half-expecting to come in contact with a thick glaze of glue smeared over a crop of torn hair, but with a relieved sigh, you feel the soft brown strands that spill across instead.
Impassively, you stare at the shipâs ceiling. That dreamâŚA smile curls widely on your lips as you remember. Dare you say, youâre still impressed with the younger you who was ready to risk it all â even her eyebrows.
âYouâre awake.â Robin smiles, two cups of tea balancing in her fingers as she steps into the study.
Using your elbows, you push up from your makeshift bed, returning her smile as she silently offers you a steaming cup. The sight warms your heart, and you take the cup graciously.
"I bet I'm the last one to wake up, huh?" you muse, glancing at the hue of the afternoon sun. Its light orange tone indicates that it's still relatively early in the day. Robin laughs a little, shaking her head.
"No, actually. Everyone else is still knocked out, except for Zoro. I like to research, and Zoro, trainingâŚ" she mentions, settling at the end of your bed.
âIâm sorry I had to stay over - I didnât want to impose.â
Robin laughs. âHonestly, Iâm surprised Luffy didnât take this as a chance to sail away and keep you hostage.â
As you two curl on the bed, a brief moment of comfortable silence washes across the room. You look through the window again, passively staring at the lapping waves, lips firmly pursed.
What happened last night? You faintly remember drinking a lot, taking shots with Franky, eagerly involving yourself in a battle of cards with RobinâŚYou remember Luffy who wrapped his arms around you, pulling you and Usopp to dance. AndâŚand thenâŚ?
And then, what?
Suddenly, a fragment of a memory flashes into you like thunder. Your body tenses, your throat tightening.
AndâŚGrampsâ face. Glancing across his shoulder every so often while some sort of darkness consumed his countenance. And when he would catch you looking â well, heâd just grin and stretch, turning himself away from you.
âRaya?â Robin lowers her book from her eyes, concern staining them. Her eyes flicker to your blanket, a slight sheet of frost twinkling across its cotton fabric.
Well, thatâs embarrassing. Thatâs like the equivalent of pissing your pants.
"Iâm just thinking," you quickly respond, forcing out a wobbly smile. Your desperate eyes pierce Robinâs; hers, naturally, narrow in reply. âDid my old man stay over?â
With a raised eyebrow, Robin fully sets her book down on her lap with a sense of alertness. âNo, he went back when you went to sleep.â
Your gaze quickly shifts back to the window, trying to stifle down the dread that was now surging through you
Robin's usually composed expression transforms into one of genuine concern, her eyes narrowing with worry. When she finally speaks, her voice carries an unusual weight. "Is everything alright?"
You can't bear to stay in the study any longer. The weight of unspoken dread pushes you to rise abruptly, stumbling outside like an inmate escaping prison. The rhythmic clinking of weights fills the deck, an abrupt stop signalling Zoro's attention as you quickly descend the stairs.
Fumbling with your hair, you rush to the barrel of swords by the dock. Pulling one out, you sling the scabbard off from its steel with a sense of urgency. A muttered curse slips through your lips as you observe the blade, realising these are the non-valuables â I mean, who needs the real ones for a fucking play?
Your gaze narrows, glaring profoundly at the edge of the metal as if sheer willpower could reshape it into a more suitable weapon. The air thickens with tension, the clinking weights forgotten as Zoro's gruff voice breaks through the atmosphere.
"Where're you going?" His voice, a low growl, resonates behind you, the weights quickly set aside, wiping sweat from his brow with a swift motion.
Without turning to face him, you sheathe the sword with hurry; it's not the ideal choice for a fight, but it'll have to do. A sense of determination seeps into your movements, fuelled by your unknown anxiety of a potential situation. Your response to Zoro is abrupt, tinged with emergency.
"Home."
With that, you make a run for it. Desperation fuels your steps, sweat beads forming across your brow as you reach the peak of the hill. The gravity of your tone didn't escape Zoro's keen perception, of course not; the distant sounds from down by the dock tell you he's shot up from his spot, and the clink of three metal weapons against wood signifies his preparation to follow.
As you slip into the cracks, you hear heavy footsteps sliding and crunching against gravel, catching up to you. Zoro easily trails behind, his eye flickering with silent questions, your grave expression reflecting in his alert gaze.
âI donât have time to bicker,â you say, your voice echoing against the sloping planes of the cave. You turn to give him a pointed look. âIâm not going to ask why youâre here. Just⌠stay alert.â
The cave's second opening looms ahead, and the darkness inside seems to swallow your form as you rush forward, leaving the open air behind. The tension hangs in the air like a storm on the horizon, threatening to unleash its fury.
As both you and Zoro reach the end of the cave â a small, serene opening beaming with the familiar field and rolling hills in view â there's one small detail that stains your relief, justifying your earlier inexplicable feeling of dread.
A colossal shadow, tangible and three-dimensional, yet feathered around its edges, looms over your home. The grass and flowers, once lively, now brush around its gasping form, wilting as if drained of life.
The shadow pivots, almost as if it senses your hitching breath. And you feel the blood rush out of you. A sense of terror grips you as you witness its formâa pure void, a silhouette of a body in shades of purple and black, bruised and glinting like polluted smoke in the air. No distinct features, no nose, no mouth, no fingers or feetâŚ
Your heart hammers in your chest and a sense of fury tightens your grip around the hilt of your sword.
No eyebrows, no hair, no lashes or nailsâŚ
All but for one feature.
Large, unblinking, magenta eyeballs gaze at you.
They float in the places of where eyes should be, sure, but theyâreâŚtheyâre just eyeballs.
Eyes amidst a shroud of all-consuming darkness.
#one piece#one piece zoro#roronoa zoro#roronoa zoro x reader#zoro#one piece luffy#luffy#monkey d luffy#one piece ace#straw hat pirates#usopp#sanji#tony tony chopper#nico robin#straw hat luffy#one piece fanfiction#one piece fic#one piece fanfic#op fanfic#op fandom#female reader x zoro#zoro x female reader#zoro x fem reader#three sword style#zoro roronoa#zoro rorono x you#zoro roronoa x y/n#straw hats
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Revenge with a vengeance â The tragedy of Sam and Raidenâs canon relationship dynamic
Alternate title: SamuRaiden is THAT deep, actually.
Side note by author: This essay will get an update eventually since I wrote it before playing the Japanese version of the game.
Although MGR does not have as complex or well researched character lore as the main series, Samuraiden as a relationship is a lot more complex than common fandom tropes and interpretations of their relationship suggest. I donât mind it when people make funny/meme content about these two, since MGS/R does come with its own flair of humour, itâs very exhausting for me as well as a few others I know who enjoy this ship for it to be reduced to just that â a joke. MGR being perceived as âgoofyâ is mainly due to how poorly some of the character lines translate from Japanese to English, as well as it being more or less evident that either budget, time or both ran out over the course of development, hence the second half of the game feels rushed and underdeveloped. In fact, the great majority of MGR fans do not understand how serious, dark, hopeless and dystopian its message really is and that is saddening.
The world isnât black and white, neither is it in MGS/R. Sam isnât the just the villain (never has been, by the way), Raiden isnât the just the hero (never has been either, by the way), Iâd say itâs rather âdepends on who you askâ. They are on opposite sides due to the circumstances of how they meet and not because they wouldnât get along. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, if they would have met before 2016, they might have become friends based on the fact of how much they can actually relate to each other in many different aspects of their personalities, interests and experiences.
Before we get to fight Armstrong as well as during the Sam DLC (also through very subtle hints during their first fight on the train) we learn that Sam is just like Raiden and that Desperado forced him to become a shadow of who he once was, going against his own morals and values and only Raiden reminding him of who he truly was before Armstrong defeated him 2 years prior, ultimately crushing his spirit â he had no other choice, either die there as a failure or continue to live and become Desperadoâs/Armstrongâs puppet [until someone would eventually defeat Armstrong and free Sam from his never ending nightmare â Did I already mention that Sam is a really fucking tragic character?]. Sam joining Armstrongâs laughter at the end of DLC is a reaction of fear, not agreement with him or enjoyment. And if thereâs one thing that both MGS and MGR are really good at, itâs the accurate and very realistic portrayal of the human psyche under stressful and traumatic situations.
On the other side we can tell from Raidenâs reaction when holding Murasama after killing Sam that he, for once in the entire damn series, questions if that was the right choice he made. We know that Raiden enjoys inflicting pain and suffering onto others, he enjoys murder â but he did not feel that way when he killed Sam. Itâs quite the opposite. Itâs very subtle and if youâre not very observant like me, easy to miss. But the way his voice turns a bit softer, how his eyes look listless, almost sad; he regrets it. When Blade Wolf asks Raiden if that outcome was really necessary, he does not answer him, because he knows that Wolf is right, it wasnât. And Raiden pretty much hates himself for it. To his team he confidently says that Sam isnât a problem anymore since he killed him, but thatâs not the same Raiden that heâs that moment in the badlands (which is another implication to me that Raiden doesnât fully trust his teammates, although they are friends; he has major trust issues and the only emotions he shares with them is either anger or amusement but nothing outside of that). The way he sheathes Murasama is a way to honour him, and as far as I remember this is a ritual to honour a samuraiâs defeat or death.
I believe that there has been a silent understanding between the two swordsmen that they respect each other from the very beginning, but they do not say it out loud. This is a case of âshow, donât tellâ but also something I suspect has something to do with the game being written by Japanese authors, and Japanese is a high context language, meaning, very little words are needed to get the meaning across, and I think this may also translate into the words these two exchange with each other compared to how they truly feel about the other. Besides, they probably couldnât truly speak honestly with each other in the first place because of the unfortunate conditions of how they met and were (more or less) forced to fight each other until one of them would eventually succumb to the otherâs blade. Codecs and conversations were most likely recorded by their respective employers, and I highly suspect that in Samâs case, he was even monitored 24/7 by Desperado since he never was an official member of the Winds of Destruction in the first place, and they didnât fully trust him either.
At the very end of the game during the fight with Armstrong, Samâs message plays, and we can hear how Sam also speaks with a different voice to Blade Wolf compared to everyone else (and technically, indirectly to Raiden but I cannot confirm or deny that Sam was aware that Raiden would ever hear this playback), itâs a note softer; Raiden learns the truth, which confirms to him that he was right about Sam after all, that they are alike, that they respect each other, and that there was more to Samâs story than him being a part of Desperado, he doesnât know what exactly, but he knows now for sure that Sam was not the person he originally believed he was (and lets his team still believe he thinks that way).
Would Raiden truly say Samâs catchphrase âLetâs danceâ before fighting and ultimately killing Armstrong, if he wouldnât have been going through a gradual process between originally hating Sam to respecting and liking him but unable to ever express that to him or anyone else?
Would he ever admit to anyone what kind of emotional impact Sam had on him, besides the anger and hatred he openly expressed towards him?
Doubt so. Highly fucking doubt so.
Because sharing his true feelings is a liability to him, and Raiden learnt as a very young child that vulnerable feelings such as sadness or guilt would be used against him, so his psyche is conditioned to discard them immediately. But Sam made him feel those things in their full extent and Raiden is fully aware of that, but he would never share with anybody that he ever felt that way about Sam.
He may or may not take those feelings to his grave.
From Samâs side, we can only guess how he truly felt about Raiden, but we can only guess by the way he hesitated to finish him off on the train during the prologue, the way he smiled at Blade Wolf before his death (which might be likely another case of a silent understanding between Sam and Wolf that the latter would share with Raiden what he knows about Sam or the playback of their conversation itself, if not both) as well as everything he says with giving Murasama to Raiden. Of course, Sam couldnât even say out loud to Blade Wolf or Raiden that he planned to give Raiden his sword to take down Armstrong, and he had to be as vague as possible with the information that he shared with the robot dog. Not by choice, no. Most likely because he was being watched 24/7, he knew that Desperado nor Armstrong didnât fully trust him and if they knew about his plans, theyâd make sure to finish him off before Raiden had the chance to do so. Sam knew he would die, and that it would be the only way he would ever be free from Armstrongâs grasp. So he chose suicide through Raidenâs blade, and gave him his sword to finish what he could not back then.
The gameâs title is REVENGEANCE â Revenge with a vengeance.
They both translate to the same thing in my native language German, but thereâs a subtle yet important difference between these two nouns.
âRevenge means when you get back at your enemy who is responsible for hurting you and vengeance is the punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.â
But it was never Armstrong who hurt or wronged Raiden in the first place, and we know heâs an essentially selfish person who does not really care all that much about politics, religion or anything like that and he only fights for himself (I wrote in my essay about Raidenâs ASPD that his motivation to save these children from becoming cyborg child soldiers is a trauma response first and his rather lose and grey morality second) and the few people he cares about, so Armstrong being the one one who ordered to get Nâmani killed is not the reason Raiden went after him or was that passionate about getting revenge or retribution on him either.
It was Sam who hurt him â wounded both his body and soul during the prologue â but when Raiden got his revenge, he realised that revenge is empty, that he didnât feel better, and that he regrets killing him, then we get to the vengeance part. From the moment Raiden held Samâs Murasama in the badlands, he felt no more hatred towards him and the emotional impact his death had on him made Sam transition from a person he hated to one of the few people Raiden truly cares about.
Armstrong may be the villain of the story, but the person who wanted revenge on him never had been Raiden. It was Sam. Always had been Sam, because it was Sam who got hurt by Armstrong, it was Sam who wanted to get revenge on Armstrong for defeating him and crushing his spirit, it was Sam who wanted to punish Armstrong for making him into a shadow of who he once was, making Sam speak about ideals he didnât truly believe in (like, who the FUCK even thinks that Sam truly believed a single fucking word of that, because I for sure as hell can tell he never did, he either gaslit himself into believing that for 2 years until he met Raiden or only parroted whatever the fuck Armstrong wanted him to say so he would not get killed on the spot).
Revenge and vengeance are very deep feelings and actions of hatred, feelings that are too deep and complex to be associated with morality, hence why I highly doubt that the title of the game is directed at Armstrong from Raidenâs side at all. That between Raiden and Armstrong is not nearly as personal as it has been between Sam and Armstrong. Raiden eradicating Desperado and Armstrong had been about justice [for the kids being killed and their organs sold], not revenge.
"I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now⌠Now I'm not so sure. And besides, this isn't my sword."
But when he says this, followed by âLetâs danceâ, it became deeply personal for Raiden as well. Because he could confirm that his feelings about Sam had been right, and that Sam wanted to get revenge on Armstrong.
Raiden decides to avenge him, because Sam couldnât get revenge himself.
Although Sam never told him directly, Raiden understood him from his actions alone, those subtle hints, reading between the lines what the other truly felt and wanted the whole time, eventually passing the âtorchâ â his sword â to Raiden, to finish what he could not. So while Raidenâs own reasons to finish off Armstrong were (mostly) justice for the innocent lives he destroyed and planned to continue to destroy, they also became feelings of hatred and anger â Samâs feelings towards Armstrong.
In the end â revenge with a vengeance â is what Sam could get on Armstrong only through Raiden, after Raiden enacted his onto Sam.
Now the question is â if Raiden wouldâve never killed Sam, by the chance of him recognising earlier than in canon that revenge is empty and that he wonât feel better after killing him, would Sam go by his example and abandon his revenge plans on Armstrong as well? Or would they fight Armstrong together and get justice?
We unfortunately can only speculate (or write stories about it).
What we can tell from canon though, is that Raidenâs (= Samâs) passionate feelings of hatred towards Armstrong quickly vanish the moment he finished him off, and he looks into the camera with an empty expression, covered in blood and a crushed cybernetic heart in his hand.
And I think that is exactly what he feels â empty.
Because again, he got revenge and avenged Sam, led by what Sam felt, Samâs feelings became Raidenâs feelings during that fight with Armstrong. But once that was gone, thereâs nothing left. In the case of killing Armstrong, he doesnât feel remorse or guilt. Thereâs nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Because revenge is empty.
Raiden defeated his enemies â but at what cost?
By killing Sam, he realised what he had actually lost â a potential friend (or more), someone who understood him in a way that no one else did. Perhaps he thought or felt that, if he avenges Sam, making Samâs feelings towards Armstrong into his own, he might be able to deal with that loss better, but to no avail.
Because, and I can speak from experience as a person with the same mental health issues as Raiden, that emptiness is worse than regret.
MGRâs ending also implies that Raiden abandons his family and friends to fight his own war; essentially taking the same path that Sam once took in his past, ending up in a personal war and revenge act that knows no end, making one bad choice after the next. If Raiden hasnât already become the villain of his own story by the end of MGR, then itâs just a matter of time until he becomes that.
And the cycle of violence continues, until the story repeats itself, over and over and over and over and over.
Did I mention already that there is a myth around Murasama being a cursed sword, that will drive its user either slowly insane or make them commit suicide if it doesnât get a regular âblood sacrificeâ?
â
âI really enjoy murder, but that one, that I will regret for the rest of my life.â
#Samuraiden#samurai#samrai#mgr#raiden#jetstream sam#mgrr#Raiden mgr#Raiden mgs#Raiden mgrr#Samuel Rodrigues#metal gear rising#metal gear rising revengeance#metal gear solid#mgs#golden essays#golden writing#anyway I went a little bit INSANE last night and wrote this#basically Samuraiden is at least platonically canon#and MGR is really fucking dark and depressing#BUT THE MAJORITY OF MGR FANS DONâT FUCKING GET THAT#anyway#suffer with me
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Prompts & Rules 2024
Hello, dear fellow fans of TobiIzu <3 The event goes into the third round! Here are now the prompts and rules for the event in 2024. If any questions occure, please donât hesitate to contact me!
The event runs from 1 January to 7 January. You can submit your work on ao3 to the TobiIzuWeek2024 collection, if you like. The Hashtag for the event is #TobiIzuWeek2024
Art by @annekalabaza
Image desc and rules under the cut.
Both images show a black and white drawing of Tobirama and Izuna in a top down perspective. They look up to the viewer, Tobirama with his hands at his side and Izuna with his arms crossed. Tobiramawears his amour and happuri with the senju crest, Izuna the typical Uchiah clothing. The images also list the main prompt list and the alternative prompt list as followed:
The main prompt list
Day 1: time travel / kid acquisition Day 2: ronin and samurai / vampire and hunter Day 3: any AU / any swap (generation, body, role ect.) / Crossovers Day 4: social disasters / deaf!tobirama & blind!Izuna Day 5: accidential marriage / fake hate Day 6: feeling out of place / Edo Tensei Day 7: betrayal / clan tradition
Suggested AUs: Pacific Rim, Any Pixar Movie, Western AU, Teachers AU, Incest AU, Modern AU, Historical AU, Dragons AU
Alternative prompts
But in the end, itâs only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass.
The Two Towers (movie)
And death and I look each other in the eye, in the eye We dance a while, and then we kiss goodbye I'll get you closer to my hide away, lead you astray I'm like a ghost, and I'll arise behind you
Within Temptation - Cyanide Love
You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.
Brandon Sanderson - The Final Empire
Rules
Mod is @elenyafinweâ
The event takes place from 1 January to 7 January.
You can participate in any form you like. Write Fanfics, draw something awesome, post headcanons, make edits. Whatever you like. Your work doesnât have to be in English, I trust you to follow the rules ^^
Only new works please. If you have a yet unpublished WIP, thatâs fine tho! Â
Any work generated by any form of AI (ChatGBT, AI "art" and the like) is strikly forbidden.
Post your work wherever you want, but if you want it to be featured here, please make a Tumblr post with the work and/or the link to your work, tag this blog and use the hashtag for the event #TobiIzuWeek2024.
You can, of course, use the hashtag on other social media, too, but keep in mind, that Iâm only on Bluesky/Mastodon and will only check it there as well (and retweet it with my priv acc, you can tag me there as @/Elenyafinwe.bsky.social / [email protected]).
In the post put in all the necessary tags that apply to your work and add warnings accordingly. Please also add the prompt you choose.
NSFW is allowed (just donât post it fully on Tumblr), as well as any Dead Dove. Just tag it properly. Generally speaking: Any content is allowed thatâs also allowed on ao3. It simply has to be tagged. However, any form of harrasment of other content creators over their content for the event is not allowed and will be banned from the event.
The main focus of your work has to be on Izuna and Tobirama. Other pairings are of course allowed.
You can do all prompts, some prompts or no prompts at all ⌠or even more than one prompt per day, if you can manage that. If you donât like the main prompt list, you can use the alternative prompts and/or mix both lists together. Whatever you like.
You can interpret the prompts as freely as you wish.
The main event takes place in the above mentioned week. But letâs be honest: If you find this blog after this and want to add something to the party feel free to do so! Late submissions will be accepted any time after the official end. However, I will not check the Hashtag forever, so better tag this blog.
No pressure, just have fun.
@faneventshub @fandomweeks @narutoandborutoevents @narutoevents
#TobiIzuWeek2024#tobiizu#tobirama#izuna#izuna uchiha#senju tobirama#tobirama senju#uchiha izuna#fan event#naruto events#sorry for the little delay#I hope the wonderful art is worth it!#I at least am in love *-*
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Hello, I came across your Kencyrath rec post and I am tentatively intruiged. That said I wanted to ask about a trigger before I dive in. Suicide is pretty strong trigger for me. I can handle it if it's mentioned, but detailed descriptions of the act or a lot of time spent in a suicidal character's head/thoughts dealing with suicidal ideation would not be. Is this an issue in the Chronicles of Kencyrath, and if it is, do you have a different recommendation?
Okay SO.
The Kencyrath exist in a honor/shame society, in which going against the code of honor (lying, breaking your word, etc) is considered a sin that can only be forgiven through an honorable death. Sometimes this takes the form of going into battle without the intention to come back, generally without armor, but it also takes the form of ritualized suicide with a specific kind of knife. I would call it a very specific kind of suicidal ideation, in which it doesnât come so much from a depressive headspace as it does from a kind of rigidly religious one. There isnât a ton of time spent in the heads of characters actively pursuing ritual suicide, nor what I would call traditional depressive suicidality, but it IS a very present element of the society, including people freely making choices with the understanding that they will be expected to take their own life afterward, or people being forced to take their own life as an alternative to being dishonored. Think samurai rules or Imperial Chinese rules and youâll be in the right ballpark. Ultimately I canât know the inside of your brain, but if onscreen suicide discussion or aftermath is a concern, I might table this series until you feel more ready for it.
In terms of alternative recommendations, buckle up, I have a list based on what part of the Kencyrath pitch you were into. These recommendations are made with the assumption that all the OTHER content warnings for the Kencyrath are not a problem, but Iâll note any really major ones and include a broad rating according to AO3 rules. Anything with an asterisk by it heavily features the big Chivalric Devotion vibes of the main Kencyrath dynamics. I read a lot of that.
Sprawling politics:
The Unbroken* (drafted soldier impresses daughter of the empress, they try to stop a war, full of double-crossing schemes and gallant ladies, cw colonialism, M for violence, sex, and extremely real colonialism)
The Captive Prince* (dethroned prince is sold into slavery under his mortal enemy, definitional enemies-to-lovers content, cw sexual assault, E for a very sexually relaxed culture in a bad way)
A Taste of Gold and Iron* (unambitious prince gets tangled up in a currency fraud scheme and gets a shiny new bodyguard, E for a very sexually relaxed culture in a good way)
October Daye series (starts out classic urban fantasy, rapidly becomes Blood Magic and Politics The Series, for those committed to a long series, T for violence)
Pulp fantasy adventure vibes:
Hero and the Crown/The Blue Sword* (classic sword and sorcery fantasy, for DnD lovers and people who read Horse Girl Books as kids, General Audiences)
Silver Under Nightfall* (vampire couple teams up with vampire hunter to cure a magical plague, the polyamorous murder romance you need in your life, cw coercive assault and body horror, E for gore and numerous threesomes)
Heaven Officialâs Blessing***** (translated Chinese novel, very old fallen god returns to Heaven and Does His Best, for those committed to a LONG book, currently on volume 8, T for violence)
Witch King (body hopping demon tries to solve his own murder with his found family in tow, perfect standalone book, T for violence)
Spicy magic systems:
The City We Became/The World We Made (sentient cities and extra dimensional invaders, for everyone who read a lot of Avengers In NYC fic back in 2012, cw racism and survival sex work, M for sex)
Gideon the Ninth/The Locked Tomb series***** (everyone knows about this series, itâs the one with the lesbian space necromancers, cw for just the craziest flavors of abuse, M for violence and cannibalism I guess, also fits the below category)
The Gilded Ones* (what if all the misogynists who said women were demons were absolutely correct, and it was fucking rad, cw for SO much sexism and also religious indoctrination, T for violence)
A Soul to Keep* et al (okay oKAY LOOK THIS IS MONSTERFUCKER CONTENT BUT I RECOMMEND IT, local cursed woman gets forced to marry a demon, they argue a lot and the sex scenes are REAL bizarre, cw kidnapping and the second book deals with a character coming out of a severe depression, HARD E for monsterfucking, obviously)
Interpersonal relationships that are just SO fucked up:
A Dowry of Blood (a letter from Draculaâs first wife to the man himself, cw domestic abuse, M for adult themes and sex)
Remnants of Filth/Yuwu* (translated Chinese novel, loyal general becomes the jailer for his traitorous ex-lover, cw slavery and discussion of sexual assault, E for sex)
The Salt Grows Heavy (homicidal Little Mermaid and plague doctor wander through an apocalypse together, actually read everything Cassandra Khaw has ever touched, the absolute pinnacle of horror, cw all her stuff for really creative violence and body horror, M for violence and gore)
Anyway if you have any other book recommendation questions and/or you read any of these and enjoy them, hit me up, recommending books to people is genuinely one of my great joys in life.
#Kencyrath#book rec#chronicles of the Kencyrath#hooooo boy howdy letâs get into these tags huh#the unbroken#the captive prince#a taste of gold and iron#October daye#the blue sword#silver under nightfall#heaven officialâs blessing#tgcf#witch king#the city we became#the locked tomb#Gideon the ninth#the gilded ones#a soul to keep#a dowry of blood#remnants of filth#Yuwu#the salt grows heavy#cassandra khaw#listen i fucking L O V E recommending books#i AM the person who will ask what you like about your favorite books and recommend five things off the top of my head#i flatter myself Iâm quite good at it#oh the other cassandra khaw book i recommend is hammers on bone#which is about an elder god working a day job as a private investigator#and has the vibe of a magnus archives Meat Episode(TM)#but that one doesnât really fit the kencyrath tone except a couple niche scenes in the masterâs house and jameâs nightmares
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some new-to-me movies I've enjoyed this year so far. reverse chronological watch order:
1. High Life (2018, dir. Claire Denis). Weird, disturbing prison ship science fiction. Sort of an anti-Interstellar; a cynical warning of where we're headed if we continue the depravity of prison slavery and exploitative science. Look up content warnings for this one if you need that sort of thing; it gets rough.
Interesting coincidence: I wrote a short story with a similar basic concept not long before this movie came out (I had never heard of it before last year). This movie is better than my story was.
2. Tampopo (1985, dir. Juzo Itami). Charming food comedy-western with alternately funny, touching, and absurd vignettes interspersed throughout the main plot. The egg scene...goodness, what a scene. This movie made me hungry; pair it with a bowl or two of ramen.
3. Harakiri (1962, dir. Masaki Kobayashi). A brutal and depressing story of a broken ronin seeking the end. If you know nothing about this movie, go into it blind. Absolutely loved the way this was shot.
4. Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa). Six samurai and Toshiro Mifune defend a poor village against bandits. Funny, exciting, sad, beautiful. One of the blueprints for modern action movies. Everything from a slew of westerns to Ocean's Eleven to A Bug's Life owes something to this movie.
5. Dr. Strangelove (1964, dir. Stanley Kubrick). Satirical nuclear black comedy that shows that "redpill volcel conspiracy freak" is a type of guy that has seemingly always existed.
6. Come and See (1985, dir. Elem Klimov). "Enjoyed" is a strong word for this one, as good and important as it is. I wrote a short letterboxd review after watching it (something I've sort of given up on after a few):
"In a movie festering with disturbing images, one of the most affectingâand certainly one of the most relevantâwas a Nazi woman eating lobster as her cohorts burned a village.
Exhausting."
7. Delicatessen (1991, dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet & Marc Caro). Post-apocalyptic horror-comedy. Extremely French. Enough piss-yellow filtering to make Vince Gilligan blush. Kind of dreamlike and hazy in the impression that it left on me. I need to watch it again I think.
8. Amores Perros (2000, dir. Alejandro Gonzålez Iùårritu). Another one I wrote a letterboxd review for. Some excerpts:
"A story in three converging lanes about the abuse, folly, fickleness, and redemption of loyalty. Ignore surface-level comparisons to Pulp Fiction; structure and violence are not all that makes a movie."
"The recurring variations on the dreary post-rock guitar theme are some of my favorite pieces of movie music I've heard recently."
"Maybe skip if you habitually check whether or not the dog dies."
9. Cinema Paradiso (1988, dir. Giuseppe Tornatore). A beautiful movie about movies. Another one that made it to letterboxd. My short review:
"I've seen this movie described as 'nostalgic,' but I feel that it's rather about transcending nostalgia and accepting that you can never go back. I cried; I wished I'd watched it years earlier; I had the urge to make something and love it."
10. Crimson Peak (2015, dir. Guillermo del Toro). An absolutely gorgeous Gothic horror-romance. Del Toro's beautiful visual style fires on all cylinders here. Similar to Pan's Labyrinth, while the ghosts are grotesque, it's the human antagonists that provide the real horror (though I will say that the Big Reveal is obvious and feels almost quaint these days).
#High Life#Tampopo#Harakiri#Seven Samurai#Dr. Strangelove#Come and See#Delicatessen#Amores Perros#Cinema Paradiso#Crimson Peak#movies
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Hello ! I am Cleo, but I do go by other names too, you can call me Cleo, Clover, Cl for short, or Zuu.
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I enjoy drawing, writing, and talking about my interests like there's no tomorrow.
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COMISSION INFO ăâ§ă
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Although I'm currently fixated on Arcane (and will continue to be so) I'm also interested in other media, especially the following:
⢠I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream
⢠Castlevania + Castlevania Nocturne
⢠Lies of P
⢠Spiderman Into & Across the Spiderverse
⢠Blue eye Samurai
⢠Shadow & Bone (+the Six of Crows duology)
âĄ
I am a HUGEEE Mel Medarda lover, a big kinnie too, I literally adore Mel and she's honestly my favorite character of all time, I talk about her a LOT and im sure my friends here know how much I do, I'd genuinely die for her and her character and everything about her is AAGHHHHHH
I am obsessed with Meljay, they both have my whole heart, I do Multi-Shipping too!
I am VERY focused and fixated on Mel, Jayce, Sky and Viktor out of the whole show, there will be very little content of the other characters (as much as I ADORE almost every single one of them, these four are my top favs âĄâĄ)
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What to expect:
Doodles, lots of doodles. normal art as well (often sketches or incomplete), doodles, did I mention doodles?
fanart of various characters from the fandoms I've noted above.
Rants and takes on things (that are often unpopular opinions)
doodles
Posts of Nonsense (AKA: SHITPOSTS) I am a VERYY hyper person and I mash my keyboard to express myself as well as say random things out of pocket.
Writing Alternative universes of said favorite fandoms.
perhaps some content of my Original characters once in a millennial.
analysis and opinion sharing, my point of view most of the time
Doodl-
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DO NOT INTERACT IF:
You HATE/DISLIKE any of the following characters:
⢠Mel Medarda
â˘Viktor
⢠Jayce Talis
â˘Sky Young
⢠Ellen (IHNMAIMS)
â˘Hobie Brown
â˘Gwen Stacy
â˘Akemi (BES)
â˘Annette (Csv-N)
â˘Sophia (LoP)
â˘Inej Ghafa (S&B)
â˘Kaz Brekler (S&B)
⢠Jesper Fahey (S&B)
You ship MelVika (Mel x Sevika) i despise it.
You Glorify AM and ship him with any of the 5.
You have no media literacy, like at all. Please don't talk to me if you can't understand basic things in several medias.
You can't withstand heavy and dark topics.
You can't handle things that are considered 'cringe' (Like Headcannons for example)
You're Homophobic, Racist, Sexist, Misandrist, generally a disrespectful person towards things that aren't harming you or doing anything to you at all.
You joke about serious topics like SA or Abuse, or glorify/romanticize said serious topics.
⥠FYI: I am not very active, I am busy with my own life IRL so please do not expect to see content very often and don't forget the doodles!!
⥠PS. I AM NOT SPOILER-FREE, I WILL POST MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ONCE THE ARCANE EPISODES ARE OUT.
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hey guys! hayle here, one of two admins on this blog! so i'm in the editing phase of a mahito x m!reader fic involving the yawata no yabushirazu forest in ichikawa, japan, so i thought i'd make a little post including some research i've done, as well as some information regarding some of the devices mahito and reader use to communicate with the spirits in the forest they're in. read up, and feel free to reblog this to spread the info to friends!
the yawata no yabushirazu forest, commonly shortened to "yawata forest," or "the forbidden forest," ichikawa is a sizeable and fairly developed city just outside tokyo, less than half an hour away, with an estimated population of 500,000 people. ichikawa lies in the western kiba chen prefecture of east-central honshu, japan. ichikawa is located along the edo river, and across the river borders tokyo to the west, and is also located just northwest of funabashi.
the yawata forest is home to many spiritual legends, many of which are the primary reason the forest was given its name. one fairly prevalent theory about the yawata forest is that it's involved with taira no masakado, who the japanese label to be the first samurai.
another largely effective reason the forest is so famous is because of the large expanse of trees' funny little habit of whisking people away to never be seen again, which leads me to a comment mahito makes in the story: " 'did you know that this forest is part of what inspired spirited away? the studio ghibli movie?' mahito says softly, grinning."
mahito was correct in making this comment; a considerably large piece of the inspiration for studio ghibli's animated movie spirited away was the yawata forest's silly little habit of, essentially, repeated mass kidnapping.
the story in question involves some moderately heavy paranormal content, a large part of which consists of mahito and reader using some paranormal investigation devices such as the ovilus, the spirit box, the electromagnetic field (emf) reader, and more. now don't mind me while i explain the main uses of each device that appears in the story.
the ovilus - the ovilus is a communication device invented in god knows when by bill chappel. the device used by professional and amateur/just-for-fun explorers and ghost hunters in paranormal investigations. the device works by detecting electromagnetic energy- which may appear in the form of, for example, voices that living ears can't detect- then assigning a number to it that corresponds with a word in the dictionary. spirits and other entities (ie: demons, poltergeists) use the ovilus to attempt conversations with the living people who are operating the device. some alternatives to the ovilus that operate similarly are the spirit box, the hexcom, and the polterscript.
the estes method - the estes method is a method of interworld communication used by some of the more daring explorers and ghost hunters. the method was created by karl pfeiffer during his investigation of the stanley hotel in estes park, colorado, and is now a widely popular method of communication that many people use. the method requires two or more people in order for the attempt(s) to work, and it involves one- sometimes two, as seen in some of sam and colby's videos- people putting on noise-cancelling headphones that are connected to a spirit box. the person(s) wearing the headphones are also blindfolded. the other member(s) of the group ask the spirits questions and attempt general conversations with the spirits in the room or area, and the spirits or entities may choose to or not to use the spirit box to speak into the headphones, sometimes in response to questions asked by the living side of the conversation, and the wearer(s) of the headphones and blindfold repeat every word they hear. the estes method is very effective, and many questions asked receive an answer, but sometimes the words they spirits say are random, and sometimes they're unsolicited tid bits of information corresponding to the spirit's death, their opinions, their goals, etc.
the sĂŠance method - the sĂŠance method is another common communication method used by explorers and paranormal investigators. this method is sort of similar to the estes method, but this one fortunately doesn't involve cutting off people's two most important senses. the seance method involves setting candles in a circle on a table or floor and lighting them, and it's not uncommon for people to put cups of water and relevant objects inside the circle and surround the circle of candles and/or sometimes the area directly around them with a line of salt as an attempt to keep potential poltergeists and malevolent spirits at bay of physical contact; most people don't want to be scratched and burned by demons posing as little girls with depressing death stories. the sĂŠance method has been used many times in historically famous attempts at conversation with spirits, demons, poltergeists, etc., and seems to have a lightly sporadic rate of failure versus success in comparison to the estes method, which almost always works, whether it's just the spirit box spewing shit or an actual spirit.
sources :
a largely common source i'd like to give credit to for the information in this post is hada, my lovely professional ghost hunting boyfriend, fellow owner and creator and primary organization person of this account!
yawata forest location/landscape informationovilus informationthe estes methodtaira no masakadoan interesting example of an investigation/exploration of the forest
this post shall be updated as i continue to write the story. feel free to subscribe to the conversation in the comments under the post if you'd like to ask me a question or make a comment! i'm always open to new information and ideas for the story, and new bits of history as well! please do like this post if you found it interesting, and feel free to reblog this to spread the info to friends!do not copy or repost this information verbatim on other fandom and social media sites, i am a law student and i am in full understanding of my rights of copyright. you have been pleasantly warned.
note from hayle: dont ask me abt the range of post tags. also i warn you now, the story that is the reason you're reading this post involves demonic possession, and the scene is incredibly graphic.
#~ | posting#ă heathen â¤#ă heathenscratch â¤#japan#japanese culture#japanese history#info dump#information#useful information#resources#ghost hunting#paranormal phenomena#paranormal investigations#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#mahito#mahito x male reader#jjk men x male reader#jjk x male reader
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đAbout Me
>Hi! I'm Ares, alternatively known on XIV as Kairos. Wanted to make a silly little sideblog to post my XIV content to not overwhelm my main with all my fixations. Here's some info mostly about me & my character below <3
đBasics
>Name - Ares
>Tumblr Accs - Follow/Likes @myersmainbtw , posting - @o-k-g-o
>Age - 23 // Pronouns - She/They
>Favorite Characters - Cid Garlond, Nero tol Scaeva, Gaius van Baelsar (my three Garlean blorbos), G'raha Tia, Alisaie Leveilleur, Y'shtola Rhul, Urianger Augurelt, & Raubahn Aldynn.
>Favorite things to do: MSQ, GPose, Raids (normal & alliance), roulettes with friends
>Yes, the specific post tags for classes are wrestling theme songs, no I will not be answering questions about it lol
â¨ď¸Character Info
>Name - Kairos Baelsar
>Main Data Center - World: Crystal - Brynhildr
>Alternative hangout: Aether - Sargatanas
>Main Class/Job - Machinist
>Alternative: Samurai
>see OC sheet below for further detailed character overview (credit to tbgkaru on twitter for the sheet):
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#oc#specific post tags here#âŻď¸<Locked In> MCH Kairos#đ<Fear No Evil> SAM Kairos#đŤ<Just Close Your Eyes> DNC Kairos#đ<Driver> GNB Kairos#I'll start posting soon but wanted this up and running
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MadaTobi Week 2023
DAY 2 - Teahouse/Teacher
One Lump Or Two - Find it on AO3 here!
Madara was on a mission. Madara was on an important mission and he will not get distracted. Not by the stage full of musicians and dancing performed by a handful of hosts at the far end of the room. Not by the sweet tasting alcohol being plied to every person who had a few spare coins to spend. And not by the quiet and pretty looking maiko who was currently serving tea at the table he was meant to be eavesdropping on.Â
(The maiko was very pretty, with pale, jade-like skin and locks of silky white hair twisted into a simple but flattering style. Madara could see their long pale fingers as they peeked out of their sleeves when pouring the tea, before their hands returned to their lap. Maybe if he used his sharingan he could⌠No. He would not get distracted.)
Pulling his eyes away from the distracting maiko, he let his gaze drift around the rest of the room, taking in the other patrons. Madara was certain he wasnât the only one staking out these particular targets; according to the Uchihaâs informants, the three men were journeying back from the capital after several meetings with the new Daimyo. They would be fools not to try and gain any information about the new Daimyo before their first summit at the Capitol.Â
He was pretty confident that the two people at one of the front tables were Nara, based purely on the fact that one was face down on the table, seemingly asleep, and the other didnât look too far behind. There was also a blonde dancer that passed frequently by their table that looked vaguely like a Yamanka. Madara couldnât pinpoint an Akimichi; but where two of those Clans were, the third was never far behind.Â
âMay this one offer her guest more sake?â An older Maiko held a bottle, tipped invitingly, near his table, but Madara shook his head; the sweet flavour was nice but a bit too sickly for his taste.Â
âThis one can fetch an alternate flavour if her guest desires, or,â the Maiko tilted her head, drawing his eyes and bringing the other distracting Maiko back into view, âThis one can arrange for a tea service if that would be preferable.âÂ
Madara twitched, catching the teasing smile on the Maikoâs face and felt himself flush. Apparently his, ah, appreciation, of the younger Maiko had not gone unnoticed.Â
âWh- I donât- IâŚâ He cut himself off, taking a deep breath to calm himself, while the Maiko giggled quietly beside him. Collecting himself, Madara nodded to the Maiko, âIâll consider the offer but Iâm content as I am for now, thank you.â Nodding in acceptance, the Maiko smiled and moved to another table, leaving him to focus back on his targets.
(The younger Maiko had disappeared, the tableâs tea service obviously complete, and Madara tried not to feel disappointed. Maybe he could come back after his mission was finished and request a tea service for himself?)
Scolding himself for getting distracted again, Madara idly passed the time by watching the others around him, filing away the tidbits of information let slip by the increasingly loose-lipped nobles.Â
There was a group of young men near the stage drinking enough alcohol that you could barely see their table under all the bottles. (The new Daimyo already had ties with the Land of Iron through his first wife.)
The most-likely-a-Yamanka dancer had shifted their attention to a haughty looking pair a few tables over from the suspected Nara. Judging by the pair's long hair bangs, they were likely Hyuga; which made their stiff backed disdain for the blondes needling all the more entertaining. (There was talk of raising taxes on all imports and exports from the Capitol.)
His the Maiko was making their way over to his table with a tray of tea and settling down beside him, close enough that he could make out the pale eyelashes brushing the top of their cheeks when they blinked. (The Daimyo was offering more backing and money to the samurai, outsourcing more missions to them.)
There was a scuffle at the rear by the kitchen between some - wait WHAT?
Madara jerked his head round, staring wide eyed as the pretty Maiko prepared the cups of tea in front of them. âWait I-â He stopped, clearing his throat and trying again, âI apologise, but I didnât order tea, I think youâve come to the wrong table.â As much as he wanted them to stay, Madara also didnât want them to get in trouble with other customers for missing their orders.Â
(The Maiko was even prettier up close, their beauty highlighted by their makeup; a light blush over their cheeks and their bottom lip an eye catching red. Their robes were flattering; the material tucked and layered to emphasise their slim waist, while the long, wide sleeves made their hands seem dainty and delicate.)
âThis oneâs guest is correct, however this oneâs older sister insisted on this service, paid for by the house of course, for the enjoyment of the guest.â His Maikoâs voice was lower than expected, but fitting in a way he couldnât describe. He flicked his eyes up while the other poured his drink, catching sight of the older Maiko who had been by his side earlier in the night standing across the room. She gave him a small smile and pointed look, dipping her head towards the younger Maiko at his side.Â
(Any thoughts about the drunk nobles ceased to exist; heâd picked up plenty of information and the three drunkards were basically unconscious at their table. Surely it wouldnât hurt to indulge in some time with his Maiko if they were offering, right?)Â
Nodding in acknowledgment, Madara reached out to pick up his tea, âOf course I will gladly accept such a gift, but please, join me in drinking, thereâs certainly enough tea for both of us.â And there was, the older Maiko had obviously prepared enough for two before sending the younger over, something Madara would have to remember to thank her for before leaving.Â
Ruby eyes blinked at him, the colour stark against pale skin and snowy lashes, before dropping back down to the table. âIf that is what you wish, then this one would be happy to provide company.â His Maiko picked up the second cup, cradling it between their hands before they sipped at it, humming slightly as they did so. Madara took note of their enjoyment; obviously jasmine was a favourite of theirs.Â
(He wondered if it was just tea, or if jasmine was a favourite across other things as well. Some well made incense or maybe something sweet like mochi?)
(Madara definitely needed to thank the older Maiko; sheâd picked the tea after all, and obviously she knew it was one favoured by the younger Maiko.)Â
They made idle conversation as the night went on, Madara learning various things about the other as they drank. His Maiko had siblings outside of the teahouse; both older than them, though one was technically a cousin. His Maiko enjoyed learning new things; they had an extensive book collection that they added to every time they had the chance, about any topic that captured their fancy. Madara revealed his love of spicy things, which coaxed the admittance of fish and sweet things being his Maikoâs favourite flavours.Â
(Heâd managed to capture a few seconds with his Sharingan, while his Maiko was enjoying their tea; eyes half shut and a small smile on their face. It wasnât exactly a smart thing to do but, well. Having a lovely memory like this that he could recall perfectly whenever he wanted was a very tempting thing.)
Eventually, once the tea was finished and the lanterns had started to burn out, Madara bid his goodbyes to his Maiko, offering some extra coins to the elder as he slipped outside. Both for her help; he could admit that he likely wouldnât have ask for his Maiko to serve him if she hadnât nudged things along, and also for taking up the rest of his Maikoâs night; they wouldnât have earned as much as they could have by staying with him, so offering the difference was the least he could do.Â
Heâd try and come back, he decided, after his next mission. Maybe bring some sweets with him as a gift? Or look through some of the merchant stalls for interesting books? He doubted his Maiko had as many options to browse through as Madara did - his missions took him through the various neighbouring countries afterall. He was sure he could find something interesting in Lightning or Wind Country.Â
(He couldnât have known that heâd never get the chance. Heâd taken up the mantle of Clan Head earlier than heâd thought he would; devastating the free time he had away from the Clan and their territories. By the time heâd made it back, his Maiko was gone.)
Madara sat stiff-backed at the table, face hard and serious as he watched the Senju opposite him. He could feel Izuna fidget slightly at his side, his own rival sat opposing him as well. Peace talks were goingâŚsteady. There were still arguments about specifics; back and forths that neither side wanted to concede. But that was good. The Clan would have been much more suspicious if there werenât some clashing with the Senju over things. He would have been a lot more suspicious.Â
Even so, tensions were higher at this meeting than others. It was the first meeting with both the Clan Heads and their Heirs; meaning it was the first meeting the Uchiha had with the White Demon attending, Senju Tobirama.Â
Picking up his cup, Madara went to take the customary drink to open the meeting, watching Izuna, and both Senju, do the same. The tea was jasmine, a change from the green tea Hashirama had picked last time it was his turn to host. Ready to move things along, Madara started to lower his cup when he heard it; a small, pleased humming from across the table. Snapping his head up, he locked eyes on Tobirama, watching him sip his tea with an expression he knew. He remembered that expression, even after 10 years his Sharingan could recall it with perfect clarity. The hair, the eyes. The pale skin and the way he drank his tea. He couldnât believe it!
âSENJU TOBIRAMA! YOUâRE MY MAIKO?âÂ
@madatobiweek
#tobirama senju#uchiha madara#tobirama x madara#naruto#day 2 teahouse/teacher#madatobiweek2023#madatobi#it's a little late but it's still good yeah#still good#my writing#also found on ao3!#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#ao3
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twenty questions for fic writers
Tagged by @aintgonnatakethis
How many works do you have on AO3? 0 (Previously 15 or so, previously previously 22. I've deleted and orphaned a couple of accounts...)
What's your total AO3 word count? 0
What fandoms do you write for? Previously: Final Fantasy XV, Rise of The Guardians, Kingdom Hearts, Once Upon a Time. Currently: Nothing, really, except some ROTG-inspired ficlets, and one longer idea I've been messing with for the Puppet Master franchise.
Top five fics by kudos: *wind whistles through emptiness*
Do you respond to comments? Yes, but they only come up on Fanfiction. Honestly might transfer a couple stories to AO3.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Honestly forget the title, but one 2015-era KH fic had Sora die, become a Heartless, and end the universe. I don't know either.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? A FFXV fic where Noctis lived and got to be in a poly with Prompto and Luna (We do not ship shame in this house)
Do you get hate on fics? I literally got a death threat on a ROTG fic for content, and the fact Jack had shoes on.
Do you write smut? In 2015, yes. Abundantly. It was terrible, and all orphaned or deleted. Now, I've had intimated moments crop up, but I do the literary version of fading to black.
Craziest crossover: Noctis/Sora are siblings. I regret nothing.
Have you ever had a fic stolen? Partially, but it was with permission.
Have you ever had a fic translated? Unfortunately, without permission.
Have you ever co-written a fic before? Attempted, and it went to total hell.
All time favourite ship? Killian Jones/Emma Swan & Sora/Kairi. I will not choose between them, and you can't make me.
What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? An extremely rebooted version of ROTG where Jack Frost becomes an ice fae that controls all versions of ice and snow, terrorizing most of the world. It got partially written in 2015 as total garbage, and only exists now as an injoke with a close friend of mine.
What are your writing strengths? I weirdly kept extremely on model with FFXV. People often praised how natural the banter was between the 'Bros, and how close to the game it felt. Dialogue often feels easy to write when I know the characters well.
What are your writing weaknesses? In my opinion, everything ever, but being honest, it's endings and keeping the pace.
Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If I don't speak it, I don't get to write in it.
First fandom you wrote in? Kingdom Hearts in, uhhh... 2006. In a spiral notebook. It was terrible.
Favourite fic youâve written? Cheating slightly, but I did a long series of FFXV spin offs/prequels/things called The Brotherhood. One was an alternate reality where the events of FFXV took place in a samurai inspired past. That came out really good, and could honestly be a whole thing.
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Assorted screenshots of my thoughts/ideas and a doodle related to RtDD. Contains minor to major spoilers, which will be under a readmore. However for folks in the tags who donât want spoilers, I do have a shitpost regarding the giant boot items/puzzles so this post isnât a total nothing burger for you.
Anyways now for the bulk of what I was too impatient not to post. Again, spoilers for new contentďżź!
First and foremost, I wish everyone who ever called me weird or said I was reaching with my headcanons regarding Lor being sapient and not solely just under the control of Magolor or whatever powers that be a very GET FUCKED FOREVER. BOAT PLAY BEHAVIOR REAL.
Next, Magolorâs win animation in Samurai Kirby took me out for a solid 10 minutes and I was compelled to make this.
I also had another thought regarding things with Lor in Magoland. Specifically boat experiences mask noise jumpscare.
And while I am gonna wait a bit longer before saying anything about [the horrors](including the alternative joke name I thought of for them), I did make this doodle based on a recent catcrumb post and my experience in the poor little meow meow mode.
And then finally here is me being extremely normal about a mask. Did I immediately notice all the inconsistencies with this design when compared to previous in-game appearances Nova has had? Yes. Did that make me not happy to see them again acknowledged as a character in spite of only being tangentially relevant to this game due to special obscure dialogue from Magolor? Absolutely not, I didnât name 99% of my accounts places after Nova for nothing. Love that cat clock. My brain rot is terminal
I do plan on posting some actual headcanon-y stuff soon(particularly regarding Doomers and a certain headpiece), but itâll be once the game has been out for longer to reduce the odds of people being spoiled by mistake. That stuff will be shared on my sideblog dedicated to such things, @nova-starcutter. Youâll never guess just by the name of the blog what kinds of headcanons I tend to think about most.
#rambling#kirby return to dreamland deluxe#krtdldx#lor starcutter#magolor#krtdldx spoilers#krtdld spoilers#kirby spoilers#kirby#look how hard I can fixate on random characters FFWSHSHHHHHHH#Iâve got 100% on normal and extra mode + epilogue#just need to complete Magoland and then beat the True Arena(I have gotten very close every time)#(the original RtD TA was easier. I will not elaborate further)#anyways so boat huh
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Sometimes a Family is Two Lawyers, a Teenaged Psychic, and Her Little Cousin
read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/48790720
by VTsuion
Phoenix Wright doesn't know where things stand with Miles Edgeworth and isn't sure he wants to know. His old friend suddenly showing up at his doorstep after practically coming back from the dead to help save Maya Fey from Shelley De Killer and kissing him doesn't make things any simpler. Lucky for Phoenix, Maya (and Pearl) are on the case.
A new chapter every 2 weeks.
Words: 1585, Chapters: 1/3, Language: English
Series: Part 4 of Love and Turnabout
Fandoms: é蝢čŁĺ¤ | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey
Relationships: Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey & Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey & Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey & Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Harumi | Pearl Fey & Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey
Additional Tags: Developing Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Friendship, Family, Meddling, Matchmaking, Teasing, Getting Together, Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship, Steel Samurai, Post-Gyakuten Saiban 2 | Justice For All, Gyakuten Saiban 2 | Justice For All Spoilers, Post-Case 2-4: Farewell My Turnabout, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/RvSAobF This is an automatic feed of all new stories posted to the Miles Edgeworth/Phoenix Wright tag on AO3. Because of that, it is not guaranteed that Miles and Phoenix are the main characters in the story, nor the only ship. Please verify content upon clicking through to AO3.
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What does it take to be human?
Fandom: Genshin Impact Characters: Scaramouche/Kabukimono/Wanderer Summary: An alternate universe of Scaramouche. Â Â There was legend among the rural people of Inazuma. Of a yokai who steals hearts. Trigger Warning: The following content contains gore and depictions of violence.
--- There's a legend that whispers through among the rural areas of Inazuma⌠of a yokai who steals hearts. They leave their victims sprawled on the ground only to be found by villagers the next day at dawn. Its whole bodyâstill intact, yet a hole, punctured through their chest.
It was a thing they could not appease. It haunts, it grabs, then steals. Thatâs why they say never go through the forest once the sun is set. You never know if youâll be the one to be the kabukimonoâs next feast. Thatâs what the villagers call him.
It had no name. It could not be appeased. They do not know what incited its wrath. It doesnât run with rationality.
It doesnât claim to be a higher living being to be flattered. It doesnât demand. It just takes, and takes, and takes whatever it can. Whenever it can. But thereâs one thing the villagers know ofâit wants the heart.
People, who was unfortunate enough to chance an encounter with kabukimono yet had slipping luck to be able to run back unscathed, said he eats the hearts of his victims. One was a child. They were playmates. Until they went into the forest and the other had his heart ripped out in front of the unfortunate child.
As the kabukimono was busy with his friend, he ran for his life. But before he gets far enough, he looked back one last time to see his friendâs lifeless figure and the kabukimono sitting beside it before they disappeared among the green layers of the reticent forest. He saw how the heart in its hand being swallowed by the being that forever scarred his childhood.
Then next was a young woman whoâs soon-to-be-wed. A pearl of the village. The most kind and humble; sought after even after her engagement. The day before the grand event, she was found sitting under one of the trees. Bright red berries scattered on the viridian forest floorâher heart gone. She only went out to pick herbs.
It stops at no one. Even the most fearsome of menâa skilled samuraiâparts of him found deep within an area cleared by the remnants of conflict. Some of them were hanging by the branches, some were just on the ground, and some⌠blown off to bits. They all collected it one by one, bit by bit. They were all complete, except for oneâthe heart was missing.
As theyâve said, itâs not something to be appeased, itâs not something to be pleased. Itâs not some divine being who wishes for a sacrifice every once a thunder strike. Itâs there. It lurks. It seeks. Then grabs you at the chance it gets.
Stricken with fear and panic, the people left the village one by one. The last incident was enough to have them tuck their tails and pray to their archon for dear life. If a man, honed by the art of his clanâs blade and sharpened like the weapon he wields by his experience in war, was torn to nothing but pieces of a broken doll, then whatâs stopping it from hunting the entire village like pigs in the slaughter?
They had to make sure that their own wouldnât be the next. And so they flee.
And soon enough, the remaining family who stood by the village also left. A pair of curious but unhinged eyes watched them as they fill their courier with barrels of goods and crates of their belongings. Then they went away.
That was the last of them.
The yokai who owned this pair of eyes watched and waited until they disappeared down the road they took. Then gazes back to the abandoned village once more who looked nothing short of a ghost town. The walls were dirty and gray; the road remained uncleaned. Patches of holes on the roofs and windows while small yards of crops were left wilted.
Dilapidated. With no people left to tend to it, it had no telling glee who reels him in for comfort. For the first time, he set foot outside of the forest. The teal grass that tickles the soles of his feet turned to dirt that smeared his skin as he ventured further through the ruin.
Where kids would have been happily gazing down the creek, the kabukimono did as well. Only to be stared back by his own reflection. Sanguine eyes filled with curiosity. A delicate face of seemingly no ill-intent framed by soft fringes of hair as dark as the violet silhouette of the Inazuman sky after lightning flashes. Its robes of white and accents of purple made with the finest materials is ornated by splashes of red which seemed to have dried in different periods of time. It came to the point where the crimson was as dark as black.
To any sane human, it would have bothered them, but to something like the kabukimono, it didnât hold it to any regard. For it was not human to begin with. That⌠it knows.
It continued its stroll, looking onto porches of houses once occupied by women who gossips merrily as they do their house chores while their husbands were out during field work. Children would run around in these dirty streetways, playing ball or catching butterflies. They all had that glint of merriment as a whole.
It makes him wonder how would it feel like in his own. The expression of laughterâof when children play; of sorrowâwhen circumstances did not go to oneâs favor; of griefâwhen faced with the lose of a loved one; of comfortâwhen people come to share that feeling with another in solace.
Some of them, kabukimono does not understand. Some of it seemed so paradoxical. Love in the moment of hurting. Cry in the happiest of occasion. Laugh in the most absurd situation that are at odds.
Kabukimono simply cannot.
As he stepped out of a house, the air sizzled with ripe tension of electro energy. They are indeed gone.
Theyâve left him too. Just as the first one did.
He continued to another house. But thatâs where he didnât know heâd meet the greatest confusion in his lifetime.
A child. Crying. Curled in a ball. Left alone.
AloneâŚ
Why is a child here alone? Didnât they all leave? Why is a child here?
This⌠kabukimono could not fathom yet again.
A child so sickly and frail, his arms could easily snap like a twig if a mere breeze passes by. Pale as white as sheet, the color of its skin. Dried lips that havenât tasted any drop of water for days.
A poor helpless being.
Abandoned by its own. Just like him.
It was left to die.
But⌠kabukimono has never seen such event. He thought humans would protect their young ones even to their dying breath. One even sacrificed their own in exchange for the child he took.
Isn't human love said to be boundless?
This one yet seems to have accepted its fate. It gave the kabukimono a glance when he approached near. It did not reach out for help, nor did it scream like people usually do when they see him.
"Where's everyone?" It asked, tired and rather solemn for someone its age, as if it already knew the answer yet still hoped.
Met by a simple yet curious remark, "Why are you here?"
There was a moment of silence before the child spoke. âThis is my home.â
But everyone already left.
Intrigued, the kabukimono stayed by the childâs side, watching it as it tosses and turn. Then the child spoke again, weakly, âArenât you going to leave too?â
Kabukimono tilted his head in a manner to convey his confusion, much like how he had seen people do when they are met with something they do not understand.
âIâve never⌠seen you in the village⌠Who are you?â
Then kabukimono replied. âNo one. I live here.â
The child stammered out his surprise. Then it was quiet once again when it entered into a state of pondering.
In some days, the child lets out a noise that carries distress that prompted kabukimono to ask, âWhat seems to be the problem?â
The child would wail. âIâm hungryâŚâ
Ah, food⌠sustenance of life. Humans need to eat in order to sustain themselves.
This was the first kabukimono stood up and left after sitting and watching the child for a while. It wasnât long until he came back with berries and fruits he foraged in the forest. He plopped them beside the human child and sat again with knees against the wooden floor board, watching with great interest for the childâs next move.
The child got up and picked one of the smaller berries. But after a few minutes, it clutched its stomach and winced.
âWhatâs wrong?â Kabukimono asked once again.
âI canât⌠I canât eat it,â it murmured in pain and disappointment. âI need soup.â
âSoupâŚâ The yokaiâas the child presumesâmimicked.
Kabukimono got up again and disappeared.
He came back with a bowl of soup which he settled down beside the sleeping child. Then he sat again in the corner and waited. He watched as it got up and slowly lifted the bowl to its lips and drank slowly.
How curious⌠Humans need food to survive. If not, theyâd succumb to what they call death. And they are afraid of death.
But kabukimono has no need of that. He has no need for food. He does not understand the fear of death.
Those are nothing but concepts to him. But it makes him curious⌠Itâs what makes humans simply humans.
The boy didnât finish the soup before it went back to its rest. Kabukimono stared at what remains in the bowl as he came to collect it.
Itâs what makes humans⌠humans.
He slowly took a sip out of it. His eyes went hollow blank.
It was⌠nothing.
--
The child needed care and assistance and driven by great interest, he provided. Time and time again, thereâs one persisting question that drives his whole existence into shame:
What does it take to be human?
But even after such lengths, he could not fully understand. Why couldnât he be human?
Even the one who created him said he has too soft of a heart to complete the task he was made for. What she sought was the vision of eternityâa force that is unrelenting and perpetual. He was the opposite of that. Therefore, he was abandoned.
Disposed.
But where is that heart she speaks of?
If heâs not the force that he was meant to be created, what is he?
Those were the questions kept in his mind as he wandered around. Then he found human settlement.
He was able to fit in quite well. However, things took a turn. They noticed how he doesnât age and the exceptional abilities he was able to carry out his task. At first, it was some sort of miracle and it kept the villagers in awe, but then transitioned to how they knew there was something different about him⌠something that is wrong.
The old generations became indifferent while the new openly despised him. Yet he doesnât seem to know the reason at all.
Then a great tragedy struck the village. All fingers pointed at him.
âThis is all your fault,â they exclaimed. âYou are disgraced by the electro archon and so she has sent her wrath to us because of you!â
They knew about the insignia. Of how he wasnât like them at all. He had no choice but to flee. If he werenât the way he is, would he have lived perfectly with them?
âŚif only he was human, they wouldnât have sent him away.
What does it take to be human?
The child grew with a little weight added to his once slender bone figure. But he was still sickly and frail.
Instead of staying in bed for days, itâd often come out and sit by the porch to watch the purple sky. Heâd often watch him too. Of how soft mousse hair would play with the breeze, how a smile would curve their eyes when they point to a weirdly-shaped cloud.
There was something inside kabukimono that he canât bring to word. But he knew that it brings him great serenity.
Heâs contented.
Kabukimono was contented.
He didnât want anything of this to change.
âPromise weâll be forever, like familyâŚâ
The child turned to him with big doe eyes, hands clutching the blanket around him tighter as the wind picks up. âLike a pinkie promise?â
Kabukimono remembered something heâd watched from children. Of when they curl their pinkies together and smile brightly after. They would say, âpinkie promise?â and swore theyâll never break their words.
âYes.â
But then they didnât.
They didnât stay forever like family.
He could only stare at the lifeless form of the boy he once knew. Face pale and devoid of the shine he loves admiring.
The air around was silent. So suffocating he couldnât even hear his ragged breaths.
Everything is silent.
That canât be rightâŚ
There should have been those tiny little beats. A slow-paced rhythm. A sign of life.
But when he tried to listen to their chest, there werenât any.
That couldnât be right.
He doesnât know what to do. Clenching his jaw with their body limp in his arms, his face couldnât be discerned. His shaky hand made its way to their chest. With one swift movement, out was the heart.
Their heartâjust like any other he heldâbeats no more.
What does it take to be human?
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