#constantly cold all the time
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dont have enough feeling in my hands to even make this look good so it doesnt get to be posted on my art blog. i just needed this out of my system ASAP
#milgram#my hands r so cold goodbye world.......#theyve Been cold ueuawuauwaaaaaa#constantly cold all the time#no more hashtags if this gains traction then gayyyyyyyyyy#idgaf tho i draw sillies for myself#hope u enjoy...... whoever u r#i do have a mikoto and i think a kazui piece brewing in my brain but maybe if i could draw......... maybe if my hands could be warm jdshkdj#i also have some fe3h stuff i wanna draw too wahoo!!!#wish i could draw... lol#apollo art
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Danny and Damien are twins au, but a slightly redeemed vlad makes Danny the CEO of Vlad Co and DALV and all his other shell companies. Danny is danny, he got pushed into this against his will and is very overwhelmed by CEO duties, so he reaches out to one of his father's sons, Timothy Drake-Wayne, for advice
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So, danny definitely knows his heritage in this au. He was the spare to Damien's heir, and while their relationship was strained by the constant competition, they still love each other, even when Danny started to show more proficiency in infiltration and subterfuge than assassination. Damien and Danny have a huge fight before Danny leaves, with Damien swearing to never forgive Danny for his betrayal, while Danny is like "what betrayal??? I just cant bring myself to kill someone outside of self-defense??"
(One of the things I hate about Danny and Damien Twin AUs is this depiction that, just because (usually) Danny is unwilling to kill, that makes him weak and a traitor. You think the medical staff in the LoA are assassinating people? Or the lawyers? He's not useless, he's just not good as an assassin)
He was sent to the Fentons at like... seven? eight? to study how the Fentons are purifying lazurus waters from Jack and Maddie, both of whom are partly sponsored by the League of Assassins. He's also learning more about spying from Jack, surprisingly, because no one would expect him of being a top tier spy. He has the occasional mission as a child, but it's mostly shadowing Jack to learn how to spy.
Danny sends letters to both Talia and Damien regarding updates on his training and the Fenton's research, but after a year of no reply from Damien, it's only to Talia. He's feels super hurt by this, and abandoned by the LoA, but the Fentons are kind and familial, and Talia visits once a year. She's unwilling to risk visiting more often, lest she risk getting the JL or the Spiders attention, but sometimes she even manages to visit on his birthday!
(Meanwhile, Talia starts sending birthday assassins to kill Damien so she can spend their birthday with Danyal. She's a really hot and cold mom.
Talia: You can choose me, and have a birthday dinner. Or you can choose your father and have a birthday assassin. You're choice. )
When Slade blows up the LoA, Danyal is given permanent orders to remain as Daniel Fenton until Talia, and only Talia, brings him back to the League. No missions and only one letter every six months. But when Ra's comes back to life and the League is back in power, Talia... never tells Danyal. Because she's seen how happy Damien is being a normal child with their father and wants that for Danyal too. Plus, she wants to continue to have a good relationship one of her children, sue her bruce.
So Danny is completely convinced that the League is mostly gone other than his mother, her zealots, and knows that his brother is living with their father. and he's... relieved. His brother is safe, and his mom told him their grandfather was avenged, so Danny can just enjoy his life. Which he does.
He sends out his six month report days before the portal accident.
Canon stuff happens until Danny is sixteen and Vlad, the fruitloop, steps down as CEO and strong-arms Danny into becoming CEO in his place. Jack and Maddie (who at this point know [or have always known in Jack's case, adn Danny didn't appreciate his dad using his his poker face against him like that] about Phantom) are thrilled.
Vlad is using his "foster son" (Dark Danny, but in this idea, he's Dante Masters) as an excuse as to why he's stepping down, since Dante needs all the attention he can give as a "troubled youth". Danny secretly hopes Dante kills Vlad in his sleep, but signs the papers away.
And there's so much work.
Danny has some idea of what he's doing (Vlad co is a tech company and DALV is weapons manufacturing, plus vlad gave him a crash course on CEOing). Sam and Tuck even help! But he wishes there was someone who could understand the pain of being a CEO while still a teen. But... his father's son, his brother, is one such person. And even though the other would never know, he really wanted to get to know his other siblings. So Danny reaches out for advice to Timothy Drake-Wayne.
Tim is immediately on guard when this Damien clone walks into his office claiming to be the new Vlad Co CEO. The clone acts nothing like Damien, but he still thinks this Danny Fenton is a league plant.
His paranoia doubles when Damien freaks out and confesses that A) Danny is apparently his twin brother and B) that he's been with the League of Assassins this whole time. Damien, who really doesn't want to admit that the reason he forced himself to forget his brother was because said brother didn't want to kill people, says "Tch. I didn't want to associate with the likes of him, so I put him out of my mind." Tim now believes that he's dealing with a master assassin with a huge grudge against Damien and Danyal showing no signs of malicious or aggression in their meetings only convinces him that Danyal is a master actor too.
Which, Danyal is a master actor. But all that other stuff is just Tim reaching.
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dp crossover#dc crossover#danny and damian are twins#for some reason explain danyal's backstory was really important to me#c: danny fenton#c: damien wayne#c: talia al ghul#c: tim drake#talia can be a brainwashed mom trying to do the best for her kids and be cold and calculating#she has the range#this au is all about the batfam freaking out about the LoA having control over these massive companies#and meanwhile Danny is having the time of his life getting to know his adoptive brother#and saving the environment with Vlad's companies#tim constantly takes the most innocent comments from danny as evil threats#danny compliments tim's family and tim nearly lunges across the desk to strangle him
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favourite thing: his new habit of saying uhuh/mhm and also this
#the first time he did it in unmortricken i was like Fuck Yes and little did i know he would just keep doing it the whole time#DESPERATELY hoping they keep both of these things. i Love when characters have tiny little habits sprinkled in their actions#to me these things kinda sorta symbolise him no longer being afraid to really be himself#like he no longer has to hide certain things about himself that inside of the cfc wouldve made him appear ‘suspicious’#since he IS like so much different than any other morty ever#also barely related but like. em is fundamentally such a good character bc everytime we see him he’s feeling something different#in his first appearance he was cold and distant because at the time he was new to being free and was strictly focused on his goal and wasn’#even sure if it would work#in his second appearance he seemed hopeful and honest both of these things just being a trap to get the people of the citadel to trust him#and his old colder self unfurling near the end after he successfully becomes president#in his third appearance he seems giddy almost. he’s constantly giggling before and after sentences and he’s super eager to just Get The Hel#Out. and also to reveal the truth to morty prime. make it so that he doesn’t have to be the one to shoulder everything anymore.#and this fourth appearance. apart from a few little details he really just seems happy and comfortable. the entire episode he was just doin#whatever he wanted and nobody got in his way at all. and i could not be happier#normal about this character!#rick and morty#evil morty#rick and morty spoilers#odiespeak
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For some weird reason, I've always been fascinated by how wildly different Sampo operates in the Underground vs the Overworld.
Sampo is present in both places and even in official sources, he's not really counted as one side or the other- now that the theory has been confirmed in-game, he's generally just lumped in with the Masked Fools.
But there really is a big difference!
Probably the most obvious and well known instance of Sampo's...business practices *cough burglary and fraud COUGH* in the Overworld is from the Belobog Museum event. In it, you don't find out Sampo is the main culprit until near the end, because Pela has to set up a sting just to catch him in the act. And that sting is necessary all because the initial suspect they arrested, Norbert, had pretty much no idea of his partner's identity. Sampo wouldn't even speak to him face-to-face.
And whereas Sampo is normally very pleasant and friendly with the trailblazer...when he thinks he's talking to Norbert here, he straight up says that they are NOT friends. Like he really shuts that shit DOWN.
There's also an Overworld NPC, Chavez, who heads the "Dark Blue Scam Support Group." And he. Really really really does not like Sampo fjkdasjklfdj
Chavez clearly wants Sampo caught, and has literally no positive feelings about him. So. Why call it the Dark Blue Scam? Why not just out him by name? Chavez obviously doesn't give a single shit about Sampo's dignity or privacy. But he never once refers to him as "Sampo," and even the pamphlets he passes out make no mention of it. No one in the entire support group seems to know how to identify him or how to refer to him except by his hair color. If the trailblazer says his name, Chavez reacts as though he's never heard it before.
(I've seen people say this means Sampo Koski is an alias and not his real name? But Ray pointed this out, and honestly I agree; even the Fools call him Sampo, after all. I think it's just that Chavez never knew Sampo's name in the first place, and given his immense distrust, immediately assumes it's an alias.)
And then there's his characters stories, where he proceeds to pull off a heist in the Overworld while in disguise as Brughel Poisson the entire time. Literally his own stories don't mention Sampo's name even once.
So anyway, all this shows that when he's up in the Overworld working cons, Sampo is incredibly slippery and secretive about his identity. The only people who seem to know him are Pela, Serval, and Gepard. He doesn't get close to anyone else, and is even surprisingly unfriendly. Nobody knows his name. No one knows his face. He has zero qualms about backstabbing or double-crossing, and even plans for it in some cases.
Meanwhile, down in the Underground, I'm pretty sure literally the worst thing we hear of him doing is scalping tickets in front of the Fight Club. Which isn't even illegal in a lot of places (although it's certainly a dick move).
In Hook's companion quest, a vagrant miner steals Fersman's equipment and tries to sell it to Sampo. Even before the trailblazer and Hook jump in and out the vagrant as a thief, Sampo hesitates to buy it because it sounds like stolen goods, which he doesn't want any part of.
Even knowing that a geomarrow detector is rare and incredibly valuable in the mines, Sampo makes no attempt to double-cross Hook or profit off of her loss, and even tells her who to go to to get it fixed.
And my favorite example of Sampo in the Underground is the Survival Wisdom adventure mission. In it, Sampo starts up a business with Peak, another miner. And like. In wild contrast to all the cons he pulls above ground, Sampo is actually super nice and helpful here.
Just the same as with Hook's quest, Sampo talks to Peak face-to-face, with no disguises or barriers. When the trailblazer finds them, they're just in the Great Mine, no secretive meeting places. Peak knows Sampo, is familiar with him, and calls him by name. It's not even a con! There's nothing illegal going on; it really is just a business partnership. Peak is more than happy with their deal, he's even pretty enthusiastic about it, because thanks to Sampo he can now make enough money to get by while also accommodating his chronic fatigue.
The only person Sampo lies to in this whole ordeal is the trailblazer, who he manipulates into getting Peak's mining equipment back from the vagrants that stole it in the first place. And when it's done, he rewards them with a legit treasure map.
So when he's working in the Underground, Sampo is MUCH more upright and lawful. Part of this is probably to do with his "business" model- Sampo only takes advantage of the wealthy, and poverty runs rampant in the Underground. When he charges Peak an extra 30% (the same percentage he charges Norbert as a consultation fee in the museum heists- Sampo seems to go by percentage instead of a flat rate, which means his prices are more fair for lower incomes) for carelessly losing their supply, Peak literally starts counting out pocket change.
Dude's working for pennies and good will down there dknsmdmd
And you can twist this into a Robin Hood thing if you want- Sampo IS technically working to feed orphans and heal the sick. He says himself he's more than happy to make up the shortfall between the greedy and the marginalized- I mean he says it in the shadiest way possible, but I doubt the people benefiting from his work really care that he's a slimeball if it means they can survive another day. Even the two heists he pulls in his character stories are literally just him stealing absurd amounts of food.
Personally though I think it is solely because of Natasha, and Sampo is hilariously well-behaved specifically for her, because she keeps him on a short leash JSKZJMSMSKS
#honkai star rail#sampotasha#hsr natasha#sampo koski#hsr sampo#hsr#today's post is brought to you by the letter Y. for the Yaps fdklsajfkd#'for some weird reason' I say only to realize through writing this post that the reason I like it so much is because I think-#-Natasha having Sampo by the short hairs is funny dkxjmskskdmdm#so sampotasha if you want or Sampo & Natasha if you want either or#I love Sampo behaving just for her because she holds a LOT of power in the Underground and he knows she could destroy him if she wanted#she could blacklist his business and run him out of Boulder Town if she really thought she needed to#Natasha exiled her own brother who eventually died in the cold because he was running unethical medical experiments on unknowing civilians#and granted what Sampo does is nowhere NEAR as bad as that but she also probably does not have nearly as much mercy for him dkdjdmkskd#I'd like to think they hold a decent amount of camaraderie for each other though. and maybe even some affection.#they work together like all the time after all. sampo is in the clinic with natasha so much that hook thought he was really sick.#and for as much as he relies on her for business she also relies on him for resources.#it's not really an exaggeration to say a LOT more people would be dead without Sampo constantly smuggling goods across the border.#maybe I should just make a post about their relationship sometime because I do very much love it skzjkskdk
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sculpted a strange shimmery two headed snail, speckled with wild flowers on it's shell~
#sculpture#snail#fantasy art#I have never sculpted or even drawn a snail before#so hopefully the anatomy is not incredibly off#(though if so.. I guess it could also just pass as further Strange Magical Mutations lol)#It doesn't show up as well in the photo but the shell has some irridescent eyeshadow on it so it kind of alternates a little warm#red and teal as you move it.#Made for an art contest on a game that I play lol (I wouldnt normally think to sculpt a snail on my own if it werent part of a#prompt) but I do kind of like the way it came out.. sort of..#Perhaps a real creature that exists in Nanyevimi (my worldbuilding setting) in some capacity then.. hrmm#also in relevance to this blog i DO STILL WANT TO finish the story with the little adventurer... goursh I have just had so much going on..#all of my little side projects like that have fallen away for so long. I really want his advneture to reach a tiny conclusion though#And shout out to that one person that always reblogged them and left nice comments in the tags also.. :'3#Poll Adventures.... not over... simply was on temporary evil hiatus due to Me Feeling Sick Constantly All Summer and so on and so forth#aughhh.. woe and agonyyy *dramatically drops to my knees in the middle of a rain storm like some tragic movie scene#kneeling into the cold earth as i cradle the half-living bodies of all of my half-finished creative projects in my arms*#ANYWAY... lol..... erm.. snail time
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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People aren't that simple.... but all kinds of stuff can happen.
The sequence that happens afterwards is fantastic, of course, but this tiny bit of dialogue really stuck out to me during my replay. I love this series for a number of reasons, but by far one of my favorite things about it is are its themes of human connection and the moments like these.
#trails in the sky sc#trails in the sky#trails in the sky spoilers#joshua bright#estelle bright#trails series#sora no kiseki#kiseki series#trails#autumnal rambles#honestly. i kind of want to go and make a compilation of these kinds of moments in the series#where they talk about humanity and human connection#i don't remember how common they were in crossbell but i know in cold steel (esp reverie) they hit you with this constantly#but i am not complaining in the slightest. i eat this up every time. mmmm themes#also HUGE shoutout to the capuas. i think i've always liked josette but during this replay i've really grown fond of her brothers as well#all kinds of stuff can happen...
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A succubus and a demon! (The succubi don't have names but the demon is Kronos and the succubus is one of his bosses in Hell and he's not /fond/ of the succubi for many reasons but they all adore picking on him)
Also because I love them and like to point it out, the succubi act more as pleasure dealers in the sense of they offer up whatever a human wants most in exchange for their soul. It's rarely of a sexual nature since it's what they want MOST in life. And most people's ambitions are outside of a bedroom. (happy pride, asexuals are able to get affected by a succubus now without discrimination)
#my characters#did i make succubi in a plot that i could fall victim to as an asexual personally? yeah#kronos is just a petty lil baby with a younger brother who is very nice for a demon#kronos is responsible for being a dick to everyone in the plot and yet has the weirdest morals and its not fine#but hes gonna make that everyone elses problem not his#for instance he originally goes to earth bc a human has somehow just stolen all of the Devils attention and its annoying#why fixate on one human doomed to Hell just let the guy live and die then fixate#so he goes to kill the human but ends up saving the guy and then agonizes because even as a demon#its REALLY tacky to save someone and then kill them#so he doesnt kill him and instead demands to be a roommate until he returns to hell#and then they team up to kill demons and other creatures that seem obsessed with the human#and so they just kinda kill and banish demons back to hell and its fiiiine kronos is just causing problems for Hell#thats not even a new issue hes always doing that !#and then they meet a siren who refuses to talk and kronos is like oh time to be the biggest dick ever#and is like well if she wont talk and she needs a name i vote halibut#as a mean joke bc why would she want to be named after a fish#and she lights up and is SUPER happy and nods and beams and is so happy with her new name#and then the human is like well she needs more clothes than one outfit right#also shes barefoot and its cold i need to buy her shoes idk what tho#and kronos is like here buy her these rainboots and so the guy buys them and is like just wear these#until you can show me what you want bought ok and halibut is in love with her cute lil yellow rainboots#so basically everything kronos does out of spite to the weird mute siren (by choice) backfires#and she adores him and doesnt know hes trying to be mean to her#anyway the succubi collectively like to pick on the really silly and childish demons they outrank#like kronos! so he is constantly a target for them to mock which is why he isnt fond of them which fuels them more#the succubi are just really chill most of the time though ?#and its just. i love my succubi ok theyre wonderful#and that has been another story time in the tags bye
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i was in tagaytay a few days ago and holy FUCK was the humidity there insane. my glasses were fogging the fuck up almost the entire time i was there.
but at the same time it gave me the spiritual experience of coming out of a 7-11 at a rainy evening, instantly becoming blinded by the sheer humidity and having my glasses covered in an absurdly thick layer of fog.
oh, to be bathed in the cold light of a seven eleven as rain poured down on my head, unable to see while wandering out to a place you do not know while there's no one in the streets at almost midnight. something happened to my soul there.
honestly i think it was left behind in that very spot.
#random#me#i was there bcause i forgot to bring my goddamn toothbrush and only realized it when it was literally like. what now. 11 pm?#also was tired as hell because i finally ran out of those kopiko candies. granted i think they did nothing to me lmao but they#tasted exactly like coffee#it was really deliciously cold there. i was shivering all the time and my hands were constantly icy but. i think i would enjoy living there#granted i would be wearing a jacket all the time but jackets are cool.
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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Listening to the mgs peace walker tapes and then listening to the mgs V tapes has done irreparable damage to my brain
#so this happened WEEKS ago ok#and still it's#it's.#it is quite something#ok here's the thing#we know how Kaz and BB were like during pw#and then you have Paz saying stuff like 'Kaz and Big Boss came up with the idea' 'Kaz and Big Boss made this decision' and blablabla#it's all Kaz and BB doing stuff together and making plans and etcetcetc#and then you listen to the fucking mgs V tapes and it genuinely makes me crazy bc#Im pretty sure BB doesn't even say Kaz's name. At all. Not even once.#he doesn't ask how he's doing#he doesn't ask if he knows about the plan. what he thinks about it. nothing#and yeah maybe there wasn't time or whatever but to BB. that relationship that he had with Kaz? It's recent.#he's been in a coma for 9 years. to him running motherbase with Kaz is part of his most recent memories#and you don't get to hear him ask about Kaz#and then you get to Ocelot's reports and of course he calls him Miller instead of Kaz#and it feels SO distant and cold to talk about Kaz in this manner#and what truly makes me crazy is that BB never says 'Kaz' while you have ocelot and BB calling each other by their real names#and then. and then you have venom snake#who's constantly calling his name#Kaz?? Kaz! Kaz......#INSANE#m(ysterious) g(ay) s(ex)
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Fuckikkkkkkkk thursday tomorrowwwwww
#mannnnnnnnnn I don’t wanna gooooooooooo#I’m tired and cold and I wanna sleep and hang out under my blankets with my cats#my mom would be mad if I asked to stay home tho so I can’t do that#fuck thought about childhoodfriend everything sucks forever#I just got extremely tired I can’t do this man#I need to work on the jacket and the animation and I just want to sleep and I don’t want to depend on my phone all the time for comfort#just constantly fucking tired and I’m getting sick of it but I never have time and when I do I just want to rest cause I’m fucking exhauste#and I can’t tell if it’s a health issue thing or if it’s cause I’m depressed or because of the irregular amounts of meds I’ve been taken or#what. I don’t know I don’t know I just want to be okay I just want to stop being tired and lonely and sad#I should shower
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why dont you go rewatch haikyuu season 2 and calm down a little
#and by you i mean me#im talking to myself#why must i agonize about every single then ive ever said ever#ive been actually socializing and Doing Things more lately and wow do i not remember how#im just convinced im constantly accidentally coming off as cold and rude#which has always been a worry but its been worse lately??#even in text im like hmmmm lemme overthink every message and comment#and then still regret every choice as soon as i hit send#:))))#anyway ive been rewatching an episode of s2 every night and it actually really helps#truly comfort season of all time#hq#x
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Im having feelings over my stupid vampire oc
#talkys#my clone who is nothing like me but also everything like me#the wounded aching heart on a leash outside my body#the unwillingness to get attached because once you are attached its over and boy is it over#thinking about how we wouldn't ever get anything done because once talon is attached its nonstop Long Goodbye#the ache over you being gone one day. and well. how could I not also cry about death. he IS my death phobia made vampire#you catch the previously constantly stone faced guy have fits of anguish and clinginess#repeating words and actions so he wont ever forget#howww could you leave his arms when he needs to remember how you feel in them#and that you like my face in your neck but not being bit there#and you like that my body is cold when yours is a furnace. you cant stand having your shoulders grabbed#you hate when wet hair touches your neck and i know where all the moles on your body are#and i know that you like me. and you like me. and you like me#(and the next day he's fighting the urge to cut you and himself up to ribbons for letting/making him feel this way)#(and how getting closer only makes goodbye harder)#(and god - time goes by so fast doesnt it. it goes by so fast.)#(itll hurt then and it hurts now. all it does is hurt)#oc text
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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I always see disabled people talking about how hard summer is for them because of heat and stuff and how it frustrates them when everyone talks about how great summer is....but I never see the disabled people who struggle to exist in the winter and cold. I only see hate on summer and everyone loves winter and cold weather saying it's easier. loving wearing thick, heavy layers of clothes and blankets. never see the people talking about loving summer or heat being easier than cold.
where's disabled people that can't deal with the cold and get debilitating muscle and joint pain from cold weather that isn't as bad when warm? raynauds toes and fingers? can't get warm no matter what you do? always cold, in pain, uncomfortable, but wearing too many clothing/blankets is sensory overwhelming hell? etc
edit: someone replied and made me realize that technically spring and fall are seasons and a lot of people like only them. I always forget that because where I live, we don't really have those middle seasons. is mostly summer or winter. the weather doesn't really go in between. it's either hot or cold. spring and fall means it will be hot as summer one day, almost freezing temp the next, then hot as summer the day after. often happens in the same day. it makes me physically sick so I hate spring and fall as well (fall more because all plants start to die and makes me depressed. spring at least has plants come back. but both seasons bad allergies) summer is most consistent and least painful for me.
#disabled#chronic pain#autistic#can only think of one person that struggles with cold like me (person that informed me i'm experiencing raynauds)#hate wearing clothes. feeling on skin constantly is very overwhelming. makes sensory overwhelm happen very fast but need clothes for cold#prefer sweat over clothing touching me at all times. rubbing on skin. itchy. cant ignore#i get why heat can be struggle but cant relate so much. cold is more struggle. lee hate cold and winter 🥲
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