#consider me blinded by love

[sualne]

modern au dragon and luffy get to meet each other eventually

this is also legally blind dragon btw, luffy gave him his sunglasses because he saw him squinting and thought it was because of the sun.

[nartml]

was it casual when i had a panic attack at the thought of you dying was it casual when you risked your entire carrier just to feed me lunch was it casual when you were willing to die protecting me even though you wouldn't accomplish any of the goals you devoted yourself to was it casual when i spent so many nights rolling around in deep thought about whether you think of me like i do about you was it casual when i wished for you upon a shooting star was it casual when i refused to let you continue your way down a path of self-destructive loneliness even though you wanted me to was it casual when you needed to kill me and only me to grow stronger and be entirely untethered from your past but you just couldn't was it casual when i preferred to bear your pain and hatred and die fighting you as opposed to giving up on you was it casual when i could trade blows with you (read your heart) even though your supposed wife couldn't was it casual when i was your one and only was it casual when the hands that we blew off of each other bore the evidence of our cosmic connection was it casual when you cried your first tears of relief and happiness after you lost to me was it casual when you kept in touch with me but not with your wife was it casual when we fought and laughed and became inseparable was it casual when i can't exist without you was it casual when i put all my goals on hold because how could i focus on them when i can't even save you was it casual when you were my main motivation for training to become infinitely stronger was it casual when i'd remain a fool my entire life if being smart meant that i had to give up on you was it casual when you know my heart i yours was it casual when

[starry-bi-sky]

DPXDC Idea: Mother of Monsters Dan(yal)

Specifically Fem!Dan because I made this in mind with my Fem Danyal Au bUT. The best part about Dan is that I get to play dress up with her, and Fem Dark Dany is gonna go by Layal (pronounced lae-el) because it means "the nights" and it sounds similar to Danyal, and I think she'd choose that name to mock Dany. ANYWAYS

Mother of Monsters Danyal. She may be evil but she's an Al Ghul at her core (even with vlad's soul merged with hers - however, considering that Layal looks and sounds like Dany, she considers that soul to be the more dominant one.) and loves animals. And she might be heartless, but she adores the monsters of the infinite realms.

Mother of Monsters Layal who hates everyone but utterly dotes and adores on every manner of beast she comes across. Stealing the eggs and infant young beasts of the Infinite Realms to raise as her own because she wanted them. Her own island full of monsters, a monstrous menagerie of her own. She steals most often from poachers or exotic pet keepers and other menageries -- the full grown beasties can keep their young.

And with every monster she raises, she can shapeshift their features onto herself, allowing her to change her shape from humanish to any matter of monster or hybrid creature. She calls herself their mother, and them her children. Her precious little babies, capable of incredible mass destruction and mayhem.

From little griffins the size of kittens, to stymphalian vulture chicks, and leviathan young hatching from eggs the size of her pinkie, to creatures native of the ghost zone that didn't even have names in the living realm. There really wasn't a limit to what or who she would take in and she didn't limit herself to any form of mythology. If they were beasts and they were unwanted, she wanted them. And as such, amassed her own mini army of "children" willing to listen to her any command.

Earth doesn't know what hit it when she attacks them.

There are many monstrous forms she could take on, the first one I've thought of is a combination of various serpentine/reptilian features. The body of a naga -- her lower half long and serpentine, her upper still human -- with spiked fins connecting from the bottom of her arms to her sides, ever seen Sinbad where Eris goes "you might have seen my likeness on the temple walls" and her arms do that fin thingy? Same concept. Her hands are webbed and taloned, perfect for slicing through the skin of the living, and her teeth are needle-sharp and shark like. Her hair can either be spiny and feathery-like like the spines of a lionfish, or frilled like a frilled-neck lizard. It's perfect for dealing and doting on her reptilian and amphibian-inclined darlings.

I'm more of a fan of aus where Dan is a sibling of Danny's rather than their kid, so Layal's redemption(..?? probation?) proceeds with her legally becoming Danyal's "twin" sister, who had been lost to the foster system before the Fentons adopted Dany, and was only recently reunited with her. The two of them look so alike that the lie is easy to take root and spread.

Layal is very indignant to the fact that she's now ten years in the past and has to restart her menagerie all over again. Do you know how much blood and sweat went into raising those children? How dare you separate them from their mummy. Although she'll admit she does miss their juvenile years, so she won't mind (too much) needing to raising them again. Dany is helping her retrieve all of them though, dammit.

long story short: epic the musical's "Scylla" has a CHOKEHOLD on me and this is the result of it

Unlike her Dan counterpart, Layal's voice is dancing and sirenic. It's purposely alluring and motherly, in order to lure people into a false sense of security until she feeds them to her "children." Echidna doesn't have shit on her. She almost seems friendly and reasonable, until you get too close and realize it was all an act and she drops it to metaphorically swallow you whole. She's like an anglerfish that way. She and Dany both sound like Scylla from Epic.

[amelinah]

The whole China Suarez/Colapinto mess makes me think of this words of wisdom from Argentina: If you like the peach, you have to take the fuzz 🤷‍♀️

[im-still-watching-anime]

i LOVE how we can always rely on atsushi to acknowledge how impressive akutagawa is anytime he does anything

[p4nishers]

i stand with my canceled wife

[riddlerosehearts]

just for the record the fact that the twst anime will be a fourth version of the same story (game, manga, novel, anime) literally does not bother me AT ALL because i just wholeheartedly love animation as a medium so much that i am actually SO EXCITED to see all of the story again but animated this time. i genuinely can't wait to see the overblot scenes fully animated and just to see everyone's expressions and motions brought fully to life outside the limitations of the game models and i know i'll love it to death even if it ends up looking a little janky (like game-to-anime adaptations often do). truly you could even get me to happily and eagerly experience a FIFTH version of twst's main story as long as that fifth version happened to be a stage play.

[pink-lemonadefairy]

[afterlife-2004]

Reminds me of “The World Was Wide Enough”, a song from the musical, Hamilton!

[fluffypotatey]

*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*

PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????

I have. So many Feels. About Themst™

The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????

Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.

If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.

Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.

Indifference is the true opposite of love.

Hate is love that's gone rotten.

“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK

WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)

(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)

OK OK SO

we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?

F+ father of the year :)

he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:

(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)

also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)

UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.

UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?

not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!

UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.

ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana

now, about the double edged blade…..

as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse

way #1

i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)

MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2

MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!

MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?

UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!

to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.

the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.

ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)

way #2

compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)

ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.

ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.

we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them

(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)

on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.

notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀

however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse

looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)

AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.

UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!

so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here

Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).

so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.

OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic

sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)

when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)

however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.

[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]

anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.

SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)

^worried/protective Morgana

^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers

Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).

that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.

it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.

like honestly,

look at them T^T compared to before

their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.

fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.

like fuck, man

two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood

screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite

[lovinnelily]

Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?

For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.

This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).

Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. In theory, nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.

He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.

[sysig]

You’re gonna die if you keep that up (Patreon)

[robo-dino-puppies]

thank youuuu @salamanders-please for letting me know that my Wardens can look like Wardens in Origins :D

[theflyingfeeling]

Eighteenth Day of Gift-Giving: Aches

Prompt: "Just focus on me and try to relax."

This is the prompt I asked a little help with, and here's the result! I wanted to bring back the airport saga one more time, the previous part of which can be found here (although I'm afraid you still won't get to learn how Niko and Tommi are doing at the bar, sorry). This piece was sort of inspired by several prompts on the list, but this was the only one I included as it is. Enjoy 🖤

~

Joel’s head hurt. His eyes hurt. His back hurt from lying on the floor. His jaw hurt from gritting his teeth. His palms hurt from his nails digging into them in an attempt to mute all the other pain into something more harmless and bearable, but it only made him more frustrated. The only part of him that wasn’t hurting was a small patch of his skin near his collarbone where Joonas’ thumb worked in a circular motion. It wasn’t much, but definitely more than what Joel deserved after having complained the entire day, as if everyone else wasn’t as tired and irked about the situation; he was just the one being a huge bitch about it. 

And then there was Joonas. Joonas, who always knew better than to bother Tommi when he sat still with his eyes closed and arms crossed over his chest. Joonas, who would let Niko borrow his powerbank charger even though he was running on 8% himself, just so he could call Minna to wish her good night before he'd climb to his bunk. Joonas, who had made everyone promise they wouldn’t comment on whatever Olli and Aleksi had going on between them, because apparently they were yet to figure it out themselves and that they should be left to do that in peace, on their own terms. 

Yeah, there was no way in hell Joel was worthy of Joonas’ solicitude. Not even a little bit, Joel decided and turned to his side on the new-ish hardwood flooring of the airport lounge, even though it made him feel even more uncomfortable and pained. 

Only then he noticed that the only other part of his body that wasn’t hurting, apart from the little piece of skin Joonas had been caressing, had been the back of his head. 

Because Joonas’ arm had been there this whole time, keeping his head from dropping to the cold, hard floor.

The arm was now protecting his temple and showing no signs of moving from under him. It must have gone numb by now, although Joel wasn’t sure how long they had been lying there. It might have been only five minutes, but with Joel’s sense of time being manipulated by his agony, it could've also been five hours for all he knew.

“Do you want me to go?”

Joel sighed. He was surprised by the smallness of his own voice when he heard himself speak.

“I bet the sofa would be more comfortable.”

“For sure, but do you want me to go?”

It’s not that Joel hadn’t known his answer the first time Joonas asked him. He just didn’t know how to ask Joonas to stay without feeling like he was asking too much.

Too much, as in more than what he was worthy of. 

Joonas, however, took his silence as an affirmative answer and tried to slide his arm from under Joel’s head. Instinctively – or not knowing what else to do to have his way; to selfishly keep Joonas by his side – Joel grabbed Joonas’ hand to keep it in place. Joonas stopped in his tracks that very second, and two more later, intertwined their fingers, and in doing so, stopped the entire world around Joel.

For a fleeting second, there was no half-empty airport lounge, no fog outside the enormous windows keeping them as its prisoners. There was just Joonas' hand in his, and it shattered his world.

Joel wasn’t used to this kind of intimacy. He simply wouldn't let it happen, not with Joonas, not with anyone. Fleeing before anyone got too close to him never made him too proud of himself, but he didn't know anything else.

He couldn’t really explain why. It scared him, he supposed. Even now, his entire body shivered and his chest felt tight with something Joel did not know how to put into words.

He was thankful that at least with Joonas, he never had to; Joel sometimes felt as if the guy could read his thoughts, which was a comfort as much as it was a nuisance.

“Shhhhhhhhhhh.” Joonas ran his hand up and down Joel’s arm. “Breathe, Joel. Just breathe.”

It was incredible how Joonas knew he was suffocating even before Joel realised it himself.

Joel squeezed his eyes closed and tried to imagine himself some place else, just anywhere that wasn’t a room half filled with strangers, many of them probably gawking at them and wondering what the hell was wrong with him. 

I’m what’s wrong with me, Joel wanted to tell them. I’m so wrong and broken that I’m on the verge of a panic attack by having lowered my walls enough for my best friend to fucking comfort me when I need him the most, nothing else to see here, thank you and have a nice day.

“Joel.”

He could barely hear Joonas’ voice. He couldn’t tell if it was because it was so quiet or because his heartbeat was so loud in his ears.

“Joel. Please turn around. I want to help you. Please.”

Maybe it was the calming tone of Joonas’ voice. Maybe it was the movement of Joonas’ hand on his arm, or the fact his other hand was still clasping Joel’s, tight as if to keep him from falling off a cliff. Whatever it was, something made Joel do as Joonas asked, and he turned slowly, first to lie on his back for a moment, then to face Joonas. 

He kept his eyes shut, for he found some kind of strange comfort in the darkness. Sometimes it terrified him to death, but with Joonas’ soft voice speaking to him, Joel suddenly felt as if nothing would.

It took him a minute, maybe two, for Joel to find his normal breathing rhythm again. Somehow it matched perfectly with the pattern of Joonas’, which made it easier, Joel guessed. He didn’t even try to understand it; one moment he’s a trembling mess, a prey animal who had digged inside a leaf pile trying to hide its own heartbeat, and in the next he’s boneless and warm under Joonas’ touch, his blood finally flowing to his limbs again.

“Just… focus on me and try to relax. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“It’s okay.”

“Okay.”

“I’m here, Joel. You’re safe.”

I know.

~*~

"Joel. Hey, Joel, we're going."

The headache wasn't gone, but Joel supposed he had managed to fall asleep for a short while, since keeping his eyes open wasn't such a strenuous task any more. There was a slight pain in his neck, but he felt warm, even when Joonas lifted the leather jacket he had put on him at some point.

Maybe, against all odds, he'd make it back home alive.

"They're boarding us soon."

Joel could only nod at the information. His entire body felt heavy, possibly too heavy for the plane to take off with him inside it, if Joel was to count on his luck.

Only at the boarding queue he had the strength to lift his head and take in his surroundings. He saw members of the crew, yawning tapping on their phone cases. There was Tommi and under his arm almost sleeping Niko, perhaps a little tipsy if the shade of his gaze was anything to go by. Behind them, Olli and Aleksi's eyes kept wandering back to each other time after time, quick smiles visiting their lips each time they caught the other staring. They way their hands kept fumbling with each other, almost teasingly before shying away again, implied they would've holded hands if they had been some place else that wasn't an international airport.

Joel could relate: his hand was no good for anything without Joonas holding it.

~*~

The time on Joel's phone was nearing four in the morning when they finally stepped out of the taxi. It wasn't unsual to him to be awake at that hour, more often than not against his will, however.

His tired eyes blurred when he stared at the front door of his apartment building. Joonas' would be a few blocks down the street; close enough for Joel to stomp to whenever he ran out of oat milk.

(The nearest grocery store with an entire shelf full of Joel's favourite brand was about as close in the opposite direction, but Joonas wouldn't be there.)

"D'you wanna stay at mine?"

(And they wouldn't read Joel's mind at the grocery store the way Joonas always did.)

[sundeum]

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

[lavellane]

should i.