#completely disconnected from the world
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i might be shot but tbh i think fiction podcasts have an issue with racial representation
#monstrous agonies n travelling light have allegory but allegory is still just allegory#mabel n wolf 359 r the only fucking podcasts ive seen in which where someone is from actually affects them#not to mention how many popular audio dramas are made by white people? might just be my experience idk#and they still seemingly have representation bc the fandom draws the characters as poc even if the actor isnt#which would be completely differentif it was tv or smthn#like ofc ppl can draw whatever they want but theres something to that disconnect that is strange to me#also the penumbra approach of actively avoiding race as a theme in the podcast#magnus in general?? they might be improving a little with protocol but i have not seen people addressing it a lot#and of course the cecil palmer effect#this is in large part due to the audio only medium#but its weird to see a medium praised for queer rep have race almost entirely ignored in favor of setting the world in somewhere w/o racism#maybe its bc so much is set in less irl settings so people feel like its more ok to distance themselves from these issues#but still?? for example hallowoods (havent finished it so dont come at me if this changed later in the podcast)#theres the blatant evangelical christianity allegory and all the transphobia n homophobia is dealt with but not white supremacy?#which seems lacking if its trying to criticize that particular sect of christianity#n malevs complete ignorance of lovecraft#and if youre going to set it in the 1920-1930s america why arent you dealing with the time period#just a rant i havent done deep research into this or anything. dont kill me#podcasts
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Re/tw: Casual t slur usage
I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've had a trans woman use it to refer to herself as if it is in opposition to what I am, or with the implication she is The Real Trans and I am simply a Fake, just GNC (and not both, which would be my case), my expierence not as progressive since I'm "siding w the oppressor" n all that.
It feels that they believe I cannot possibly understand the horrors of being one, so I cannot be hurt by hearing it, especially since they didn't call me it. I honestly sort of mentally flinch whenever I see any slur (/hear from afar), particularly ones that have been used against me, simply bc my brain sees(/hears) it before context (calling oneself it) and it can start to bring up the memories of other times I've heard it (for clarity, excluding when it's labeled prior w some sort of warning). Even in person during a covo I'm in it's still kinda a jolt. It's like using the r slur to me, but also different bc of the histories of them, moreso "hearing a word that's harmed me" off out of context. But ya know maybe I just haven't reclaimed/healed enough, internalized hate or whatever they say
This wasn't said to me but the last line showcases what I mean in the first paragraph, "wannabe". However, this is just straight up using it in her own post (idk two points being made, the fake/not trutrans aspect + it being in ppls mentions/comments [excluding ppl you personally know are ok w it])
it is literally just that they want a gated slur they can use like the n-word is used in AAVE, that is the noble goal for which they willfully deny the trauma of their queer siblings and accuse you of lying when dozens of "TMEs" point out that they've been called it by multiple transphobes who were fully aware of your AGAB
also the person in that screenshot is trying really really hard to make a transfem version of the Magical Negro/Native concept happen right, like, they're just totally pulling that entirely out of their ass right, have transfems ever been popularly treated that way, what the fuck
#I'm in the middle of writing a response to another ask and I've hit the point of anger and lacking medication for my migraines that#I just completely disconnect from the emotional world entirely#transandro phobia#exor sexism#racism#discourse
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It just gets worse with every new video
#ze blink twice and maks fakes an emergency#“putin wants peace” HES FUCKING GENOCIDING A WHOLE COUNTRY YOU STUPID LYING ORANGUTAN MOTHERFUCKER#that ze didnt just walked out ...#you can literally see him screaming inside and his skin crawling and fighting the wish to punch trump and continue breathing#at this point ze completely disconnected from the world and just let him happen hoping its soon over#its like watching a hostage video or a video of an abuser with the victim
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silly idea time
idk how this idea even started but the outfit i had in mind was way back from a doodle in 2021 or 2022, basically my 'what if' for temperance ending only instead of being wildly ooc and wearing a collared button up johnny becomes a cowboy. and because i was listening to vagrant song from wtwtlw (that whole ost really, and hardspace shipbreaker) i had the bright idea that johnny would finally become what his class in the ttrpg was an homage to and wander around collecting stories n telling them n kind of being a dead man walking/ghost story/witness/helper-bard r smthn but having been extremely tempered by the experience of v choosing to die for him, being shocked enough into actually thinking about his beleifs n what have you, humbled enough now to want to listen to others hed choose this path of wandering the continent of na, maybe for the first time in a long time actually taking in life around him yadda yadda. in my little scenario i also had it that even if/when the next corpo war broke out or the nusa annexed more free states, he wouldnt get involved like he used to, cause i think its interesting to muse on how a profound experience would greatly change someone so stuck in their ways like johnny. i think hed still be motivated by guilt and avoidance at first, but it would evolve into something more like a calling/altruism as he takes more seriously and uses more intentionally the time he was given as a dead man walking
also i realize how much of this 'outfit' is just putting v in a hat and calling them johnny like its some perry the platypus thing (also idk how to draw hats)
#plus i think itd be cool to see how johnny comes to the realization he can make small changes and that those matter#and that he was a little erroneously trying to move too many mountains at once in his first life#and that he was a little too much there just for the destructive violence and maybe not for better reasons#cyberpunk 2077#my v#johnny silverhand#yeah and morality pet steve guy would not be a thing its far too cliche im sorry johnny would not fucking do all that#my doodles#plus i think he was a bit disconnected as a rockstar/edgerunner from like... the toils#even tho he liked to talk about the grander toils and lived some specific toils but like getting more connected with the peoples toils#in a psuedo americana esque wasteland that is the middle of the former nusa#ghost story in the sense he doesnt leave much anything behind that ppl could follow or really describe n such things#besides like stories or conversations or helping out where its needed#also think itd be interesting for him to completely reevaluate what justice means in a world like this#fun stuff! i should draw out that sketch of him sitting with a coyote sometime...#nomad but like not in the clan way
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your mom was right, put the damn phone down
#society is becoming more dystopian every day I'm scared#i want kids to be kids and teenagers to be teenagers and pre teens to exist again#stop letting your child have an ipad please#the world needs a complete disconnection from the internet#get out of the house for god's sake#have hobbies that don't involve the internet and stop watching tiktoks you're going to regret all of this#personal#tiktok i hope you die soon
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[Image description: the epic handshake meme. The left arm is labeled "Xi Shiyong." The right arm is labeled "John Egbert." Their handshake is labeled "Becoming the godlike living embodiment of freedom and ending his story alone and mourning the one person he couldn't save despite all his endless power." End description].
I was going to make a much longer post about this, but my feelings about both characters are frankly Too Big to be concise in any format other than memes.
Anyway, I sure do love a protagonist from a normal happy home that unintentionally fumbles his way into becoming the Unbound God of Perfect Freedom and compartmentalizes all his feelings about being no longer human so hard he doesn't even realize he's having them. Love a guy that rewrites his very universe through a cheat code power that only he has and feels incredibly alone in the happy ending he creates. Love a story about grief. Love a guy that never lets anyone in because playing the lighthearted jokester is all he's ever known and he simply cannot stop doing so.
Though only Shiyong is actually good at pranks.
#I know this is an insane comparison but do you see my vision?#Tai Sui the inheritor of the Ungovernable Way vs John Egbert the Heir of Breath#completing cycles of destiny and saving the world while being utterly unable to save the one person they love the most#though at least Shiyong has immortality side effects to blame for his emotional disconnect from his own problems#John is just. king of I Do Not See It#he's fine guys!#they're two of my favorite characters of all time and I lose my mind about them in similar ways#anyway if Shiyong played sburb I think he'd be a Breath player#comparison#tai sui#tai sui priest#xi ping#xi shiyong#john egbert#homestuck#taisuiposting#homestuckposting
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I finally finished Veilguard
#removing all keywords from mute feels like such a relief omg#somehow managed to completely avoid spoilers#SO happy with how I was able to deal with Solas (tricking him)#not happy with how little romance scenes there are#and the inquisitor being irrelevant unless you romanced solas lmfao#like I at least wanted to see my inquisitor fight or something???#also that prosthetic was so disappointing#anyway overall pretty good game but the lack of world states still angers me#it feels disconnected from the previous games in a weird way#even tho it doesn’t really invalidate anything#veilguard spoilers#I expected to cry cause I waited for that game for so long but I just feel so empty ngl#will we ever get another dragon age game?? it feels unlikely
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i don't really have any strong feelings about luka but oh my god. yanqing in this event. my son
#personal stuff#seraph plays star rail#MY SON... MY LITTLE GUY....#the trailblaze continuance was THE yanqing moment and the event is only adding to that#he's so sweet. head in hands.#him just acting silly on the street to make this complete stranger feel better and more confident he is so.#but yeah conceptually i am really liking this event. my main complaint w belobog is how disconnected it feels from the rest of the world#so having an event to address that is really nice to see!! regardless of how i feel abt luka himself
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If you don't mind me asking what's pro shipping??? If possible can you give me an example?
IDK MAN?? I think originally it was like "are you okay with other people shipping incest?" and was about like... idk those adopted brother gods from Marvel or the brothers from Supernatural or something.
But then it became "do you align with my personal morals? (but I won't tell you what those morals are)" which meant anything from like... "do you ship heroes with villains?" to "do you ship this actual child with their adult parent?" to "do you ship these unrelated adults who I personally headcanon as long lost siblings?" to "do you ship abusive/toxic/unhealthy relationships?"
Which is... a broad range of meanings, and no one can agree on which one it is. But specifically the idea of being antiship (or an anti) is that you believe other people shouldn't be allowed to make fiction/fanfiction that don't align with what you believe is "morally correct." Which inherently makes you pro-censorship. Which inherently puts you too close to fascist ideas for my comfort.
#sunshine#asks#sorry I can't give you a definition because there isn't one#it's all bullshit from people who are completely disconnected from the rest of the world and see everything through a fandom lens#like... both sides of the debate are not just one side#if you're confused because proship/antiship seems stupid and doesn't make sense... that's because it's stupid and doesn't make sense
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#oc: rava lavellan#ship: rava x solas#*mine: gifs#not main tagging this bc i gif'd it for my own posterity#blah blah blah this was rava's way of showing she trusted solas completely here.#she got the june vallaslin to honor her father who took her into the clan#blah blah blah messy feelings about disconnect from her people being of two worlds in the first place#and then throw in being inquisitor on top of it#and my headcanon that solas' encouragement is kind of the only reason she didnt book it back in haven#all that only to have the trust thrown back in her face moments later haha#anyways i gotta gif the proceeding lightshow here at some point too#then i think i can wash my hands of these two and their soap drama for awhile#long post
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my bpd ass is sometimes a bit upset when i see other wolg/raha shippers but im normal and just distance myself instead of exploding about it. if you care
#i get this way about a lot of characters and ill say 'im the only one who gets them' but im aware im like#actually schizospec and my experience with a character is shaped by that and im probably interacting with a completely different version#than the source material#which is an L on my part#but also my mind is beautiful#“your x is wildly OOC” to you maybe. im built different (my brain is sometimes wildly disconnected from reality and my perceptions and#understanding of the world is extremely warped)#cola.txt
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how it feels rememberinf u love talking to people and having friends and being social
#☆ apollo singing#ITS SO EMBARRASSING ur saying i spent all this time pretending i hate everyone when i was really just lonely. BE FUCKING FOR REAL#why do i feel so odd and bored all the time <- disconnected from his personal connections completely on accident#ME REMEMBERING I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LIKE TALKING TO ME AND DOING THINGS WIRH ME . MY FUCKING BAD YALL#I FORGOT THE WORLD WASNT JUST INFORMATION TO BE CONSUMED GUYS DO U STILL THINK IM CUTE#my fe is so dysfunctional 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞#☆ personal
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I'm working on ref sheets for all the characters I don't draw too often :] Here's Rosie!!
#oc#oc ref#rosie turner#uuhg i wanted. to lore dump but. i cant find the right way 2 word it without it beung confusing#cuz i cant provide the full context in a cleae and consice way :(#its fine. waterever#rosies a ghost but she doesnt show up in the real world per se#shes a human from a time in the story where humans were like. existing. it makes sense within context but u gotta trust me on this fur now#midnight and moonlight are gods locked in a constant cycle of revenge & destruction#one creates a world only for the other to destroy it#rosie is the lone survivor of their latest calamity#but i think in this fantasy esque story it is a human world that is completely disconnected from like. actual real life#why did she survive? luck basically. ( and a lil bit of magic)#she met lucille in the real world and they became friends (but rosie was like. dying/dead of an illness at that point)#lucille is arthur's sister but we call her lucy :3#lucy and arthur r like sort of god like ? ish#lucy gave her the flower on her hat as like. a symbol of good luck bc she can sense when things r about to die#and so rosie ended up not dying#and now resides in this void. place. thing#where the souls of ppl are. basically. its really hard to explain. theyre all asleep when theyre alive but they wake up when theyre dead#OH COMPARABLE TO THE PROSPIT/DERSE IN HOMESTUCK I GUESS EXCEPT ITS ONE PLACE AND ITS#??????? ok i tried explaining it as best as i can#without overexplaining (but i failed at that)#midnight and moonlight also like. live there and kind of ARE the air and space around jt#they are the living void#i guess#and they hate each other#correction ROSIE ENDED UP NOT GETTING ERASED IS WHAT I MEAN#LOL SHES STILL DEAD SORRY FHSVSH
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Going through it this weekend and something compelled me to watch won't get fooled again 3 times in the last 24 hours; idk that episode is like crack to me fr what's that post about guys having something called the Ultimate Treat- that's what wgfa is for me. I don't even know what to say that could possibly accurately summarize all my feelings about it but yea episode of television that changed my brain chemistry of all time in the tv show that changed my brain chemistry of all time- the best of the best ig idk
#its just perfectly tailored to my- i love shit about fucking with people psychologically and making them feel crazy#i love shit like that that makes YOU feel crazy while watching it#i also love just being . suprised#havign my expectations subverted in a good way like OH we're going there???? okay bitch!! alright fuck yea!!#farscape is so good and i want eveyone i n the whole world to watch it but honestly if the fandom was any bigger than it is rn the discours#discourse would be insane. that show would break the masses on here if they were exposed to it fr#the oedipus complex scene would straight up kill people i have no doubt about this#also i accidentally got way to high last night i know im always saying this but this was like. unprecedented levels of high.#complete disconnection from reality i almost lost it fr#i ended up sitting cross legged on the floor of my room for like an hour staring at the wall and just trying to keep it together#amd then i watched wgfa and could not stop myself from pretending like not only i was watching it for the first time#but also that i had walked in on someone else watching it with zero context amd without having even heard of the show#it was FANTASTIC#sir i protest i am not a merry man
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Natalya and Alexei! my ‘end of the world’ ocs. Some info about them lifted from discord messages to my friends under the cut
He's (Alexei) the deuteragonist along side an angry, traumatized 15 year old girl named Natalya that he acts kind of like an older brother to and a voice of reason (because someone needs to tell this hurting lonely child that you can reason your way out of a conflict and that stabbing isn't the only option)
tldr for the setting is that America dropped a nuclear bomb on the Ural Mountains in like 1985 and it cut the USSR the west off from Siberia completely, the rest of the world is falling apart but the story only really focuses on Siberia as a setting
technically they're Handmaids Tale ocs but I'm just taking the end of the world scenario Attwood set up and running with it in the complete opposite direction, I watched a single episode and went "americas a fundamentalist shitshow with sex slavery but how's the rest of the world handling the end of the world" and that led me to making these guys
#ghost scribbles#oc tag#original character#I watch a single episode of HMT with my dad and then watch a play through of TLOU and think these guys up#anyway I love them and their fucked up road trip across Siberia#Sorry Nat I love you but I am going to put you through so much trauma and make you almost unrecognizable to the person you once where#Alexei can vibe though but I will put his pacifism into question in increasingly violent situations#oh and I'm also reading up about russian orthodox because you can't have a HMT story without some cultists#this is so disconnected from June and her story and world she exists in I'm just taking the world ending scenario that led to that#and running with it#Siberia is a governmentless free for all with no external help after america dropped a bomb on russia that fucked the urals up so bad that#theyre now completely disconnected from the ussr#and a combo of plague and a harsh winter and no external support ended up killing a LOT of people#this is mostly a story in my brain but I will hopefully draw some more stuff for them#OH I forgot to mention it but Alexei is entirely pre-op he spent his life pre-bomb in the closet and decided that#if the world was going to end and he was going to die he wasnt going to do it pretending to be someone hes not#tldr he decide that the end of the world was a great time to transition#he will transition physically later on in the story when they make to the Alaska
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oh, to be able to accurately capture how a song makes u feel into an artform for others to experience in the same way as a means of deeper transformation connection and understanding
#and a “this is how I perceive this— can you feel it too? can you understand it at all? can you appreciate it even if you don’t?”#except “how it makes u feel” is far less standard emotional “feeling” and far more like#oh this one feels like walking along the road you know well from where you grew up except the sun is setting so everything’s bathed in a#shifting gradient of sunlight fading from pink to oranges to pinky purples to deeper purpley blues. in a way that feels and looks surreal#yk when sunset light just completely changes how everything looks and feels?#so. bathed in that sunset light and surrounded by tiny floating soft silvery glowing flecks that are almost drawn to you but float further#away when you reach out your hand to touch them#the ones you do touch turn more golden and have the texture of. soft silky dust. like flour or tile dust. and they feel cool at first but#warm very quickly#and you’re walking down that street you know so well (for better or worse) but you’re older now. you’re You now#and you can see the world and the people around and there’s things happening. but you’re unaffected by it all you’re just walking#“there is freedom within— there is freedom without / try to catch the deluge in a paper cup”#and it doesn’t feel bad. just a calm sense of disconnect and. relief? and a path. doesn’t matter what’s happening around you#“there’s a battle ahead— many battles are lost / but you’ll never see the end of the road while you’re travelling with me”#you’re just walking through it all#“and I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart”#I’m sure this is an incredibly common and normal experience#especially given this is very different experience to my intentionally curated brainmovies and music videos I make in my head (normal)#this is just a This Is How It’s Always Felt From When I First Heard It#it’s developed with listening again and again over time but the feelings and the core are the same#anyway#I need to go to bed#mercury moments#if anyone reads all this babbling this specific example is sarah blaskos cover of dont dream it’s over#just so u know#free to rb the post if u want#shrug. maybe I just feel things too much and. too deeply and too specifically sometimes#iunno
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