#I just completely disconnect from the emotional world entirely

[velvetvexations]

Re/tw: Casual t slur usage

I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've had a trans woman use it to refer to herself as if it is in opposition to what I am, or with the implication she is The Real Trans and I am simply a Fake, just GNC (and not both, which would be my case), my expierence not as progressive since I'm "siding w the oppressor" n all that.

It feels that they believe I cannot possibly understand the horrors of being one, so I cannot be hurt by hearing it, especially since they didn't call me it. I honestly sort of mentally flinch whenever I see any slur (/hear from afar), particularly ones that have been used against me, simply bc my brain sees(/hears) it before context (calling oneself it) and it can start to bring up the memories of other times I've heard it (for clarity, excluding when it's labeled prior w some sort of warning). Even in person during a covo I'm in it's still kinda a jolt. It's like using the r slur to me, but also different bc of the histories of them, moreso "hearing a word that's harmed me" off out of context. But ya know maybe I just haven't reclaimed/healed enough, internalized hate or whatever they say

This wasn't said to me but the last line showcases what I mean in the first paragraph, "wannabe". However, this is just straight up using it in her own post (idk two points being made, the fake/not trutrans aspect + it being in ppls mentions/comments [excluding ppl you personally know are ok w it])

it is literally just that they want a gated slur they can use like the n-word is used in AAVE, that is the noble goal for which they willfully deny the trauma of their queer siblings and accuse you of lying when dozens of "TMEs" point out that they've been called it by multiple transphobes who were fully aware of your AGAB

also the person in that screenshot is trying really really hard to make a transfem version of the Magical Negro/Native concept happen right, like, they're just totally pulling that entirely out of their ass right, have transfems ever been popularly treated that way, what the fuck

[phas3d]

All I Wanted Was You || Slytherin Boys

type :: angst

tw/cw :: insecurities, slight yandere (tom), mention of abuse (mattheo), sexual things implied (theodore)

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

summary :: inspo by paramore's "all i wanted was you" cause it's forever a banger. basically, different situation the guys would be in for this song. kinda inspired by tara yummy and jake. i literally know nothing about them besides that tara is hella pretty but yea! - 🐍 :: masterlist!

DRACO MALFOY (enemies)

It's just impossible for Draco to like anyone that he does not hate because his brain just does that

He's a straight bully for you, awful in every way possible

Spilling milk down your book bag, writing mean messages on your desk, and more

His entire group would join him on this, making your years at Hogwarts miserable

That was until you finally had someone stick up for you, the most surprisingly person ever, Tom Riddle

Tom was the only person that Draco was ever scared of since Tom was one year older than everyone plus he was the strongest player in the entire school

Instantly, Draco backs off, running away like a pussy when he makes eye contact with Tom

But Tom doesn't help you up or even touch you, he just simply tells Draco to piss off and find a new hobby

You decide to thank Tom for his action, making him a batch of cookies with little smilely faces on it with chocolate

The next day, you hand them to Tom and he's slightly surprised

He's never had someone be kind to him before out of pure want, normally it's out of fear

From this, you two begin to talk about baking and different desserts that you both love, Tom has a major sweet tooth which is ironic for a scary intimidating guy

Draco sees this all, feeling so angry but he's not sure exactly why

He gets huge balls all of the sudden as he marches up to you and Tom's shared potions table, tossing the entire basket of cookies on top of your hear

But before Draco can laugh at you, Tom's wand is in his hand he casts a spell to prevent the cookies and basket from falling

Tom gives Draco a death glare, silently telling him that if he ever does that shit again, Tom WILL beat the shit out of him

From this, you once again gift Tom more sweets the next day in order to thank him again

And Draco can't do anything but watch bitterly from the other side, biting the skin him his cheek until he bits off a small piece

As the months pass, you and Tom get even closer, enjoying each other's silence and small sweet gestures

Draco hates this since it spoils his favorite hobby, tormenting you, and it also hurts his heart to see the person he's obssesed with begin to forget him

In order to stop this, he makes a huge masterplan with his goons to catch Tom off guard and completely embarrass him by spilling a disgusting, smelly, sticky potion all over him

The first step of the plan requires Draco to distract him while his goons wait for his signal to spill the liquid all over him

But as Draco got closer to where you and Tom usually sit, he saw Tom and you kissing, breaking the kiss as you giggled while Tom gave you a small smile

Instantly, Draco was heartbroken. He wasn't sure how to treat his crush or what to do, and now he lost you

He can feel his heart strings rip and disconnect from the different veins in his body as he stares at what could have been his

If he was just a bit nicer

He doesn't even know why he's mean, he's never liked being mean to you

TOM RIDDLE (best friends)

Befriend Tom Riddle was one of the most impossible tasks in the world but you somehow did it

Ever since year 4, you two were the two duo - a grumpy x sunshine duo

It was odd since you were popular, well liked, smart, all of the traits of a literal goddess

While Tom was a brooding, mean, know-it-all that didn't care for others

But maybe that's the exact reason why you two were best friends, opposites that completed each other

Tom's not good with emotions, he struggles to identify anything he feels without looking into a textbook as to why he feels that way

But he knew that you would be a good wife and mother, creepy to say but in his mind "crushes" are simply just "likely mating option"

He's weird asf for that, but that's the only way he can process a crush in his head

Cutely enough, he goes to not Mattheo or Draco, but surprisingly Theo

I think that Theo and Tom get along great due to them both being quieter and the most level-headed out of their entire group

Theo is a renowed quiet fuckboy who draws people in with his mysterious aura, which is like Tom but without the "drawing people in" part

Overtime, Theo gives Tom some advice on how to get you to like him and how to show his feelings for you

But it constantly fails due to him not being able to break out of his emotionless face and dull tone

He gifts you flowers, but mentions how they were on sale and how he picked the colors he liked despite you hating those colors

He does all of your homework as a gift, but talks about how he's surprised you're even passing in Hogwarts with how stupid you are

You get the idea... He has the right idea but horrible execution

But you're used to his meanness, making you see his attempts at romance as just "Tom being weird" as usual

So when you mention to him that you think you have a crush on someone, Tom instantly is destroyed

He wants to support you, since he loves your smile and happiness, but he can't bring himself to pretend that he likes this idea

He asks who it is, and you say Theo... The exact guy who was helping him try to get with you

Tom dismisses himself from the room without saying anything, you see this as Tom not caring for romance

But in reality, he's running down into his chamber of secrets to calm down

He throws his robe off of him in anger, slamming it into the ground

He whips out his wand and yells, blasting the beautiful snake statues that he bought

His breakdown causes him to destroy everything beautiful within his radius

The feeling of grief and pain is so odd and overwhelming to him, he doesn't understand why he feels like this

All he knows is that he wants- no needs you. And he's willing to do anything to get that

MATTHEO RIDDLE (exes)

Being friends with your ex is one of the biggest red flags ever, you never thought you would be that type of person

But here you are, still best friends with your ex, Mattheo

You two broke up over him cheating on you with some random girl, but somehow Mattheo snuck his way back to being your friend after months of apologies

He always wanted to get back together, regretting his actions every day, but you knew better than to give him two chances

You've always been popular with the guys, attracting a lot of them but turning them all down since you were still healing from Mattheo

But now, you were much more confident and content with yourself, feeling ready to get back into dating

Mattheo laughed at this thought, thinking it was just an attempt to make him jealous and that you would finally come back to him

But when he saw you walking down the hall alongside Harry Potter, he instantly felt like a bullet shot him a million times

You looked so happy with him, laughing and joking with him as if you've known him for ages - just like you do with him

Once you and Harry split up, Mattheo pulls you aside, completely ignoring the fact that you have class in about 2 minutes

"What are you doing with him?" He hissed, gripping your arm kind of aggressively

"Ow! What the hell is your problem? It's just Harry??"

"It's not "jUsT hArRy", what the hell are you doing with him?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because you're MY girlfriend???"

"No I'm not! And I never will be again!" You shouted at him, shoving him away as you stepped into class, leaving him in the empty hallway

His heart shattered, a raw and gut wrenching feeling that he's never felt before over anyone besides his father

The pure disappointment and hurt he felt was scary - he's supposed to be big and tough, a bad boy, yet you had him wrapped around your finger against your own will

So many emotions hit him, the feeling of guilt from ruining it all, self-hatred because of how stupid he was, the jealousy, the insecurities, the fear of being so deeply in love with someone who may never reciprocate it back

He won't ever admit it to anyone, but he skipped all of his classes that day and hid in the forest by himself, smoking and crying until either his lungs or heart gave out first

THEODORE NOTT (situationship)

You two had a weird relationship that was almost like dating but you two never put a real title on it

This went on for about 2 years: Making out, going on small dates, always hanging out past curfew

You both loved each other, but Theo wasn't able to fully commit and neither could you after seeing all of Theo's flaws and toxicity

You never told Theo this, but if he ever confessed to you, you would still accept it despite knowing how awful of a boyfriend he is

And Theo never told you this, but he's always wanted to confess to you but he knew he wasn't in a good spot mentally yet to be a good partner for you yet

A small pinch of right person, wrong timing because I'm such a sucker for that trope UGHH

Theo was yet again messing around with another random girl, something you got used to

At first, it used to make you really upset and make you have full on breakdowns, but now you're used to it and have fully accepted that you have no control over Theo

But you still couldn't help to feel a tad bit jealous of the situation

You ignored Theo and his new girl toy for a week, knowing that Theo would probably come back to you sooner or later

But a month passed, and you two still haven't spoken...

Maybe Theo did actually like this girl, but if he did, then why hasn't he told you he wants to fully cut you off?

You shrugged it off, it's not unlikely that he just completely forgot you (he would never be able to do that, but you don't know because AGH I love the misunderstanding trope idc idc idc)

Since you thought he wouldn't come back, you decided to move on to no other than Lorenzo, one of Theo's closest friends

Lorenzo has always liked you but he never made a move since he knew you were basically with Theo

But he's always kept close tabs on you and saw how you were secrectly lonely since Theo moved on from you

With Lorezno, it was so different, DRASTICALLY different

He was so sweet and kind in public which Theo never did

He was possessive over you but he still let you have freedom, something that was so complicated with Theo

He was easy to converse with and actually replied to everything you said, completely unlike Theo

And most importantly: he didn't seem to care much about your body at all

Overtime, you slowly forgot about Theo as you focussed purely on Lorenzo

But Theo never forgot.

He was so angry at first, wanting to beat up Lorenzo for taking you and wanting to yell in your face for cheating on him

But he was thinking all of this whilst gripping his new girl toy's waist

He was just messing with this girl since she was so easy and innocent, something that Theo loved about you before he corrupted you slightly

As he watched you accept Lorenzo's ask to be his valentine, Theo felt his jaw tense up as he watched you smile brightly at Lorenzo

Lorenzo was exactly the man Theo wanted to be for you, but Theo wasn't that man yet

And it broke him to know that maybe in a different universe, a universe where he was shown healthy relationships, a universe where he didn't only feel value from sexual acts, maybe in a universe where he just tried harder - That could have been him with you

LORENZO BERKSHIRE (best friends)

You've been Lorenzo's best friend ever since you two got into Hogwarts, you two were rarely ever seen apart

People always confused you as a couple but you were very quick to state that you two were just friends

But Lorezno always hoped that one day you two could date

He's loved you for ages, literally 1 year after being your best friend he realized he was madly in love with you

But since he's been super busy with quidditch, you were left to do your own things

That's when Cedric started to talk to you while you waited for Lorenzo to get out of practice

Instantly, you two clicked and shared so many interests together

Lorenzo couldn't do anything but watch as you laugh at Cedric's jokes and playfully hit him, something he thought you only did to him

His entire heart feels so heavy that his broom starts to sink to the floor without him noticing

Once his practice ended, it was time for Hufflepuffs to use the field

"Alright let's go get some food! I'm so hungry." Lorenzo whined to you as he packed his jersey into his gym bag

"Um, actually I was wondering if I could stay behind?" You said, blushing lightly still from your interaction with Cedric

"What? Why???" He was so confused, but he knew deep down what you were going to say.

"Cedric said he would take me out to get some dinner after his practice. He made a bet that for every goal he scores, he'll owe me that many chocolate frogs!"

You smiled happily, breaking Lorenzo's heart even more

"O-Oh. Yeah that's fine uh... I'll see you tomorrow then." Lorenzo said, he was doing his best to hide his emotions but he couldn't stop his eyes from watering up

He turns away from you, speed walking away to his dorm

Once he's in his dorm, he breaks down heavily

He always thought it would be you two in the end, that you two were the perfect fictional slow-burn relationship that he's always dreamed of

But now you liked Cedric? Someone who was objectively almost better than Lorenzo in every way

Cedric was smarter, WAY better at quidditch, made you laugh within seconds, and even had the confidence to ask you out??!?

His tears wouldn't stop, he felt so stupid for crying but he couldn't control it

All he's ever wanted was you, and Cedric took you away so easily

thank you for reading ! 🐍 :: masterlist!

[twisting-roads]

DEBUNKING COMMON RAIN WORLD MISINTERPRETATIONS

The target audience for this was for people who don't know too much about the game as well, so I'm going to explain things that a normal player might already know.

Rain World is known for how it simply throws you into the world with almost no tutorial, and is often praised for it.

But this lack of explanation if you do not go out of your way to find it has also lead to a lot of misinterpretations from those who did not read all the game’s available information, or misunderstood what they were being told. I used to watch some RW lore videos that would explain and summarize these things, and in the past I believed them.

I’ve since stopped doing that after having some time to actually process what I’ve been reading, and I’m here to say...

YOU ARE ALL WRONG ABOUT RAIN WORLD.

Ok, hyperbole. Not everyone believes these, and art can always be interpreted in different ways by different people, and I won’t stop you from having these beliefs. But also, there’s plenty of ingame content which completely disproves most of these unsubstantiated points from those who do not fully research the game before making videos about it.

Looking at you Tale Foundry…

The purpose of this is to pick apart some of the sadly far too common points I’ve heard many times before from Youtube videos, to Tumblr posts, to people I’ve spoken to on Discord.

Starting with my least favorite…

------

“The 5 karma were seen as sinful”

Obvious westernization of a game based off fucking Buddhism aside, there’s no ingame text directly supporting this claim. There isn’t any that says otherwise, but we have good reason to believe this isn’t the case.

The 5 natural urges, as they’re sometimes called, were NATURAL. They were what bound you to the cycle. They never worsened your life or made you a terrible person should you keep following them, but an aspect of life on the same level as suffering or ecstasy.

Hey, I’ll break down the 5 karma and their meanings to show you that they're not just "sins"

I believe the natural urges have 2 different meanings: an animalistic one, and a more “human” one.

KARMA 1 This obviously represents violence, as you see one guy stabbing the other. I believe it also represents competition and intense emotions, For example: Artificer experiencing intense grief and lashing out in violence as a result. It was not the violence that started it, but her emotions. (Yes, its Downpour. But it’s a good point.)

KARMA 2

They’re having sex. They’re fucking. They’re- ok you get it. Karma 2 represents reproduction. But, I also believe it’s desire. Joyful bodily experiences, and such. The 2 figures seen here are in a much more playful pose than if they were simply doing this only to reproduce. No, they’re having fun.

KAMRA 3 Connection. Bonding with others. Yet also trade and personal belongings. Attachment to things that are not yourself.

KARMA 4 It’s mentioned ingame that this represents gluttony It’s overindulgence, you know. Similarly to karma 2, it can also be searching for fulfillment. I'm not particularly good at telling what the meaning of this could be.

KARMA 5 Self preservation. Self preservation can come in many forms, from an animal running away from a predator or somebody getting defensive after being accused of something or being threatened, this one is rather vague about its meaning.

I do this to show that the 5 urges have very NEUTRAL meanings. It being positive or negative is entire dependant on context. They’re not sinful, get out of here with that Catholic shit!

The 5 karmas have both positive, negative, and neutral contexts which they can fit into.

------

“The ancients hated being alive”

The ancients simply hated the cycle itself and its unknowable properties, as well as being much more aware of things like karma and the urges. Rather, they valued being effortless to disconnect themselves from this cycle.

“This was an eternal dilemma to them - they were burdened by great ambition, yet deeply convinced that striving in itself was an unforgivable vice. They tried very hard to be effortless.” – Bright Green Pearl (DS)

Some practices did of course include things like starving yourself, but as mentioned by Moon, these methods proved to be mostly obsolete. Void Fluid fundamentally changed their culture from what we see. Rather, we do see the ancients enjoying life and valuing it in their own way, which is INCREDIBLY important to some of the games themes, but I’ll get into that later.

"[...]'In this vessel is the living memories of Seventeen Axes, Fifteen Spoked Wheel, of the House of Braids[…] Seventeen Axes, Fifteen Spoked Wheel nobly decided to ascend in the beginning of 1514.008, after graciously donating all (ALL!) earthly possessions to the local Iterator project (Unparalleled Innocence), and left these memories to be cherished by the carnal plane.The assorted memories and qualia include:Watching dust suspended in a ray of sun (Old age). Eating a very tasty meal (Young child). Defeating an opponent in a debate contest, and being applauded by fellow team members (Late childhood/Early adulthood).’...and the list goes on. I'm sorry, little creature, I won't read all of this - the list is six hundred and twenty items long.” – Deep Magenta (SH)

There’s quite a lot to pick apart here, I had to cut down some parts short, but even the cut parts have important details. Just not important enough for me to bring up here.

The Memory Crypts we see ingame are… well where memories are kept. The qualia (personalized experiences) is stored within these mutated fleshy neural organisms referred to as “cabinet beasts”. These of course, contain the “living memories” or qualia of those who have ascended. There are people smarter than me who have already covered these ideas of course, so I won't go TOO indepth.

The ancients greatly valued titles and achievements just as us. They still lived normal lives. As well as this, they valued personal experiences and memories of the carnal realm so much they built an entire citadel to store memories.

As we can see as well, Seventeen Axes has quite a lot of enjoyable memories from throughout their life. Eating nice food and winning a debate contest and getting validation from their peers? That sounds rather… complacent with the 3rd and 4th natural urges, doesn’t it?

I do not believe this screams “I hate being alive!” as much as people have made it out to be, and is honestly ruins part of the game’s messages of compassion and personalized experiences, especially in the game’s ending where Survivor dreams of home.

“You have no name. I once had! I was embalmed, adorned, readied for the journey. So proud. There was jubilation! My name was sung, loud and clear. Did they know? That I didn't quite leave, didn't quite stay? Should I be ashamed? That I linger here, where my memories are kept? Should I be ashamed that I now envy your flesh prison?” - Four Needles under Plentiful Leaves

This is leaning into personal theory territory, but...

I personally believe that the ancients were somewhat terrified of the unpredictability of the cycle and the fact that life would always have more suffering in it.

RW’s religion is heavily based off Buddhism. This is well known of course. The Cycle is a variation of Samsara. Now, I’m not Buddhist, and I’ve tried to do my research about some of these topics. Feel free to correct me, I’m simply going off what I know. (Also I'd love to hear what you have to say regarding your thoughts on the game!)

In Buddhism, each new life you could be taken into the body of an animal, or even end up being tortured in hell for a very, very, VERY long time if you made the wrong decisions, which made escaping it as soon as you could seem like a rather reasonable thing to do.

The ancients never fully grasped the scope of the cycle, and the prospects of having your soul wake up in the body of some miserable worm with no memory of your past or any ideas of your future might’ve seemed bleak.

Suffering is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean they hated being alive, like I said before.

------

“Rain World is post-apocalyptic.”

It really isn’t. There was never any apocalypse. The ancients simply left on their own accord, leaving behind their mark on the world that will slowly be buried once again in the ever so present cycle.

“The bones of forgotten civilizations, heaped like so many sticks.” - Two Sprouts, Twelve Brackets

The world is thriving, even. The purposed organisms left behind have evolved and taken over and become it’s own ecosystem.

The iterators are dying though. Dying very slowly, but soon they’ll all decay and everything will move on.

It’s all just another manifestation of the cycle.

------

“The creatures in Rain World cannot die”

This is definitely something I hear from people who haven’t played much of the game and only hear about it from outside sources and watch the gameplay.

Yes, it is easy to believe this. As slugcat, when you die, you wake back up again. This is entirely a gameplay thing and not actually related to the lore. Saying this might seem like I'm avoiding the question at hand here, but the rules that apply to you do not seem to apply to other creatures.

Every creature in the game has a 4 integer ID (it can go higher, but not in a standard playthrough).

This makes every creature you see an individual of sorts with its own randomized values or appearance.

As well as this, creatures spawn from specific marked dens. When you kill a creature that spawns from a certain den, the next cycle, that creature’s ID will never appear again. Instead, the den spawn is replaced by a creature of the same species with a different ID, or a new species entirely.

Through gameplay, you see that the respawn rules that apply to you do not apply to other creatures. I’ve heard many points about how these dead creatures are transported to another alternate universe where they are alive, but I really do not want to delve into that theory. You do that yourself.

Excuse my unprofessional language, but this is kind of stupid. Billions and billions of little timeline splits accounting for every single insect and microbe that dies seems far too complex of a solution. Occam's Razor and all that.

With this gameplay element you see, I also want to give LORE explanations as to why this is incredibly stupid.

1) If death had no impact, the 5 natural urges would not matter

If no creatures died, there would be no point in eating (karma 4), competing with other species (karma 1), or any form of self preservation (karma 5). Reproduction (karma 2) has no role and there would be absolutely no reason to do anything any longer. All natural processes would be useless.

2) Light Blue Pearl

The information received from the cycle is most likely from the Light Blue Pearl, found in Outskirts.

“[...]The repeating mantra is important because it symbolizes the cyclical nature of life and death, and the termination verse is a symbol for ascension above and beyond it. I don't know how familiar you are with the nature of life and death, but I imagine like all living creatures you have some intuitive knowledge? Then you know that death isn't the end - birth and death are connected to each other like a ring, or some say a spiral. Some say a spiral that in turn forms a ring. Some ramble in agonizing longevity. But the basis is agreed upon: like sleep like death, you wake up again - whether you want to or not. This is true for all living things, but some actually break the cycle. That doesn't apply to you or me though, you are too entangled in your animal struggles, and for me not breaking that cycle is an integral part of the design. Our mantras keep repeating.”

“Then you know that death isn't the end - birth and death are connected to each other like a ring, or some say a spiral. Some say a spiral that in turn forms a ring.“

This line is very misunderstood. Moon specifically mentions birth and death. She mentions death. She never brings up the notion that nothing truly dies either.

As well as this, Moon says that “some say”, implying that even the ancients weren’t sure what the cycle was either. This is more important to my point regarding how the unfathomable nature of the cycle was why the Ancients were so averse to it from above, though.

------

“Sliver of Straw found the solution.”/"There is/isn't solution"

No she didn’t.

.

.

Ok fine I’ll explain.

If you’ve played Rain World you know that the purpose of the iterators is to find the solution to the “Great Problem”, the problem of how to ascend ALL living creatures.

You’ll also know Sliver sent out the Triple Affirmative…

“[...]affirmative that a solution has been found, affirmative that the solution is portable, and affirmative that a technical implementation is possible and generally applicable. She's also one of few that has ever been confirmed as exhaustively incapacitated, or dead. We do not die easily.[…]” - Pale Yellow (SL)

After sending out this affirmative, the iterators became conflicted. They never could figure out if she really ascended and had found the solution, or if it was some sort of catastrophic error.

The answer to the Great Problem is clearly intended to be as obscured as possible. There cannot be an answer one way or the other. The themes of it and the endless tolling of the iterators would not be as impactful if we knew there was or wasn’t a solution.

“[...]Either way, after that these different factions developed, as well as a huge forensic effort to recreate and simulate Sliver of Straw's last moments. Some of the simulations were wrapped in a simulation wrapped in a simulation, in case something dangerous might happen. Nothing much has come from it.[…]“ - Pale Yellow (SL)

Here’s my favorite way of explaining what I mean…

Imagine Schrodinger's Cat, the famous thought experiment. There’s a 50/50 chance that when you open the box, you either find the Solution, or find out there is No Solution.

Except you cannot open the box. And the box is entirely theoretical and nobody’s seen it. It seems impossible, but maybe one day you’ll find that box. That’s what the Great Problem is.

Sliver apparently having found the solution would have completely broken everything. Five Pebbles wouldn’t have ended up hurting himself and Moon had Sliver finding the solution been known with certainty. He was taking a shot in the dark.

------

“Ascension is akin to suicide.”

I strongly believe this point harms the role that ascension and the void sea play in Rain World’s narrative. Ascension is meant to be a final destination, a goal you build up to and prepare for when you’ve lived every bit of life you possible could, and can now move on.

Bringing up the Memory Crypt pearl from earlier, Seventeen Axes lived an incredibly fulfilling life from what we see, and ascended happily.

As well as this, Buddhism strongly encourages those who wish to liberate themselves to discover their own path, which is also subtly shown through the gameplay, as there are many many routes you can take to Five Pebbles, Looks To The Moon, and The Depths.

I do also think this is why Five Pebbles failed. He tried to brute force his way to ascension.

Suicide implies that ascension is only meant to be a fruitless escape and that it’s wrong to ascend. I… do not want to go into why suicide is bad. It’s a strong topic and I’m just here to talk about video games. But ascension is a neutral thing that you can choose to do or not do and to wait until you’re ready.

------

Conclusion...

I really only have the time to cover these 6 misconceptions, and I believe it should be enough. There have been many others I’ve seen, such as the ancients being malicious or that there weren’t any civilizations before them, but there’s not as much to say about them, and they aren’t as common.

Rain World is a very confusing game. I’m not upset at people who think these things to be true, and I do not believe they’re stupid or don’t have any media literacy. I just wish that the people who did actually cover this game did some more looking into it, and actually discussing it with Rain World fans.

Also I should say, that during this entire discussion I have avoided talking about Downpour- RW’s DLC- as it’s more of a official fanmade project. And so much of what it says may not be entirely in line with Vanilla. Because my life isn’t easy and of course there has to be an incredibly divisive and confusing thing like this that I need to avoid bringing up so that way the conversation isn’t muddled.

Thanks if you managed to make it through all this by the way

[lullabyes22-blog]

Hi lullabyes, would u mind sharing your take on the flashback with young Silco, Vander, and Felicia? :O

It's adorable. It's touching. It's sweet. It's a serene moment of intimacy and family (or polycule) bonding in an otherwise deeply frenetic season.

It's also so surreal it may as well be a fever dream.

I should note, at this stage I've shut off my cognitive reasoning about Arcane and begun approaching this as if it's a series of exquisitely crafted, animated short films that are all about to collide into a beautiful disaster.

Because that's what it is.

S2 has thrown a lot of the intelligent plotting out the window to embrace the chaos.  Whether due to time constraints, intellectual fatigue, or creative indulgence, I feel like we have a show that's now just hurtling breakneck towards the finish line. Previous story threads that once held weight and were the driving force behind character arcs and subplots, have since been abandoned. Nuanced motivations and character growth are being tossed to the wayside for the sake of action, montages, music videos, and a cavalier, anything-goes approach to world-building.

And yet, it's still such an incredible spectacle to behold.

@ravenkinnie delightfully noted that she is now watching this show with her pussy.

I agree 100%. S2 is a full-body experience, and one I find myself wholly consumed by. It's like a one-night stand you weren't expecting to be so fucking good. And when the sun comes up, you know it's going to hurt to say goodbye, and there'll be no follow-up call.

But damn, you enjoyed the shit out of that experience.

So yeah, the flashback was fucking adorable. I love the genuine emotion and closeness between the three characters. I adore the idea of Felicia, Silco and Vander being childhood friends (or, again, a very messy polycule) and both men sort of falling apart without her Manic Pixie Dream Girl presence in their lives. It's a nice little character arc.

However.

I cannot reconcile this scene with the rest of S1. It feels completely disconnected from the reality of the show and the world around them. The flashback has absolutely no impact on the current events, nor does it have any foreshadowing. The flashback exists solely to provide us with a glimpse into the past, with sweet little parallels to serve as bonbons that make us coo and sigh. It completely glosses over Silco's deeply, blackly visceral hatred of Vi in S1, reduces the class struggle culminating in the Day of Ash to "Oh, Silco. If only you've protested for your basic civil rights in a peaceful manner instead of tossing a molotov cocktail, you'd still have your family, a place in the community, not to mention your eye," does not really explain why Benzo reacted to Silco's appearance by calling him an animal, and, most importantly, gives the lie to the entire dynamic between Silco and Jinx.

We were led to believe that Felicia's death was the catalyst for Silco and Vander's falling out.  That if Silco had found Vander's letter in their little Brokeback bunk, they would've worked out their differences and found peace together. That they'd have raised Felicia's anklebiters side-by-side as the Zaundads of the revolution.

Except Silco is also the man selling Evil Anime PCP (Shimmer) as an economic cheat-code to earn respect for his people, and Vander is basically Captain Centrist and traumatized by war, and there is NO WAY they would've seen eye-to-eye on their respective methods. There's no way they would've come to any sort of accord. And there's no way Silco would've forgiven the man who mutilated and left him possibly sheared of half his lifespan, any more than Felicia's children would forgive the man who killed their mother.

It's such an incongruous narrative beat.

Which brings me to the other point:

Silco and Jinx.

imo, while I love the idea of Silco carrying either a secret torch for Felicia, or seeing her as a sister he'll always love, and while I absolutely treasure the idea of Jinx being a daily reminder of what he's fighting for - "I'm doing this for us, Jinx." - it sort of cheapens the key connection between them. In S1, Silco and Jinx's arc is, in my eyes, one of the best things about the series, and so incredibly well-written and executed. Silco is a monster, yes, but his monstrosity is the product of systemic and individual trauma, and the inextricable bleedthrough between the two. Finding this little girl and bringing her up under his wing, he has the chance to be the steadying hand and safe harbor he lost after Vander's betrayal. His monstrousness is not something he inflicts on her; it is something that, rather, grows on JInx like a kudzu vine, as the terrain of her damaged mind is already fertile for his worldview and methods to take root and thrive.

He is, perhaps, the best example of nurture triumphing over nature, even if his nurturing is rather, uh, extreme.

But if their bond is predicated on Felicia, rather than two strangers finding each other in the wilderness of heartbreak and learning to let their black hearts beat, messily entwined, as one family unit, and if Silco's obsession with Jinx is merely a projection of his guilt for killing her mother, and, by extension, a projection of his love for Felicia onto her daughter...

It's just.

Do y'all remember those uncomfortable frames that the showrunners admitted were deliberate, despite the evidence in the written text suggesting a familial bond? The subtext that, all the way into S2, carries the implication of a romantic relationship between a father and his daughter?

Well.

The implications now threaten to melt into explicit text, and the uncomfortable frames have turned into Unfortunate Implications, and I am not sure how I feel about this.

 It's not giving Lily and Snape; it's giving Sansa and Baelish.

It's giving the showrunners a big, fat "YEESH" rating from CPS.

And it's giving us the same, old, tired trope of a monstrous man unable to form an attachment unless it's through the lens of prior attachments, that whole 'You remind me so much of her' and the like.

 (I also admit I am the world's biggest hypocrite as the entire premise of Forward but Never Forget/XOXO is that the core foursome of Vander, Silco, Lika and Sevika knew each other, and that those ghosts haunt the machinery of the present day. But I try my damnedest to make plain there's politics buffeting all these relationships, and despite all their efforts to claw at self-sovereignty, reinvention and a new order, the past is a stubborn bitch that refuses to let go.)

(Also in FnF, Silco is triggered by Lika rather than into her in any affectionate or romantic way, because they're so similar: pragmatic survivors who aren't above rule-bending to get their way, and at their core just want a smoke break, a stiff drink, and a nap. It's a mutual respect rather than an affection, which is why she bestows on him the dubious honor of mercy killing her if she's too wounded on the Day of Ash to continue on.)

(He's the one person who could, and would, do her the service. It's kinship, and Jinx is the bright torch of their shared ambitions and ingenuity given both wing and voice.)

But anyway.

The flashback is a fever-dream. The kind you have when you're high on cold meds and can't think straight, and the world is a blur of sensations and memories that seem vivid in the moment but melt away into madness when you're better. It's a scene meant to be savored rather than interrogated. And I think if the showrunners had the time and inclination, we would've gotten a second episode solely dedicated to the flashback, rather than shoehorning it in. But since they're clearly trying to tie everything up with a neat bow before the finale, I don't blame them for having to skim past it and focus on the vibes/emotional resonance rather than the substance of a meaningfully written scene.

But hey.

Fanfic writers will have a field day with the open-ended dynamic and the fandom will never fucking stop, so that's nice.

Also we got loads of fantastic gifs of Young Silco. Bless.

<3

tl;dr: I've switched my critical brain off and decided to just enjoy the ride. It's so fucking epic. 

Also, Felicia was delightful and I hope her brotherhood/polycule/whatever with Silco and Vander gets its own spinoff, a la Road to El Dorado (or Zaun.)

[im-ovulating]

I've been seeing in influx of people saying this shit again, so… rant time!

Jacob wasn't attracted to the egg inside of Bella and, subsequently shouldn't have also been attracted to Edward's glittery swimmers.

Reasoning?

How about because Smeyer herself has denied that claim, first and foremost.

But let's say she didn't:

The imprinting happens between the shifter and a person… An egg isn't a person. A sperm isn't a person. A zygote isn't a person. An embryo isn't a person. And, finally, a fetus isn't a person. Only the fully developed baby is a person. Therefore, nothing happening in Bella's womb or ovaries (and certainly not in Edward's ballsack) has anything to with Jacob liking Bella.

Jacob was in love with Bella way before he even shifted, too.

Take it up with biology.

Next order of buisness:

JACOB NEVER WANTED TO BE TIED TO THE DEMON CHILD!!

His direct line of thinking was, "I'm gonna kill that freaky thing because it killed the woman I love -> oh shit, my entire being is being stripped away, and my own feelings and thoughts are being rewritten against my own wishes -> God damn it, now i can't even force myself to hold onto my hatred for this thing because I just became its emotional (and physical) slave." He lost his free will in that moment, unable to control his own thoughts and feelings. Here's an excerpt:

"The murderer stared past Rosalie's shoulder at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creature's gaze should be.

Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate the exact same color that Bella's had been.

My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat-not a burning.

It was a glowing.

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was - my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self - disconnected from me in that second -snip, snip, snip- and floated up into space." -Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, page 306-307.

'Everything that made me who I was disconnected from me in that second and floated up into space.'

That is not something Jacob ever wanted. In fact, throughout the series, he doesn't hide that he hates the idea of imprinting... he lost his free will when he was forced to join the pack when he shifted (bc out of all the places in the world, the Cullens had to set up shop right where they knew their presence would cause a problem), so what makes you guys think that him hating his autonomy being compromised would suddenly go away when he was made to imprint on the thing that killed his childhood friend and love?

Even the official guide talks about how imprinting is completely out of the wolves' control.

"If the werewolf does imprint, he is forever changed. From the second he sees the object of his imprinting, he will do anything to please and protect her. All other commitments in his life become secondary, even his commitment to the pack." -The Twilight Saga The Official Illustrated Guide, page 310.

Also from the guide: "Once a werewolf transforms, his aging speeds up until he reaches the age of maturity, roughly twenty-five. At this point, as long as he continues to phase, he remains at that age. It's possible that a werewolf could choose to live this way forever and enjoy the same limited immortality as a vampire, but most Quileute werewolves give up phasing in order to grow old and die alongside their family and friends. Once a werewolf gives up phasing altogether, he slowly begins to age again until his aging reaches the normal human speed." -page 308

The wolves never age so long as they keep shifting... Renanameme is already clingy and possessive of Jacob. She's never going to let him stop phasing because she's going to want him around forever. So now, not only is he stuck with the creature that killed (yes, 'killed,' because vampires are dead) his love, but he is stuck living amongst the very creatures he was created to fight and kill. Forced to inhale their sickly sweet "almost rotten" scent for eternity as his baser instincts scream at him to eliminate them the way he was born to.

One last thing: Jacob never asked Edward if he should call him "Dad". That was a change they made for the movie. Originally, there was never a line even *close* to that in the books...

Okay... I could keep going, but I'm not sure anyone even read this far, so: rant over...

I'm just so sick of the Jacob slander coming from people who have either never fucking read the books or read them so long ago that they don't remember the integral parts of the thoughts and feelings of these characters.

Jacob is the victim here, not the perpetrator.

[turn3tifosi]

This is gonna be super specific I'm so sorry

So basically it's readers first time at track and she's there for the whole weekend cos her exams just finished or smth and the other drivers only know abt her cos of like 1 or 2 pics on arvids insta (yl thos like soft launch type of ones) but they don't know anything ant her. So throughout the day they're just noticing all the stuff he does for her like the sidewalk rule (he notices she's by the sidewalk and puts his arm around her waist to move her to make sure she's safe), asking her if she's eaten. Anyways their in the bus going to track or smth and hes asleep on her shoulder while she plays with his hair or hoodie so the other drivers are teasing her and he wakes up and is like baby why aren't u paying attention to me

OMD THIS US SO LONG IM SO SRRY

attention

arvid lindblad x gf!reader

masterlist

a/n: this was so fun to write?? i love sleepy arvid actually

You’ve been counting down the days until your exams were over, not just for the relief of finishing them, but because it meant you could finally spend a whole weekend at the track with Arvid. 

It’s your first time here, and you’re buzzing with excitement and curiosity. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber fills the air, mingling with the cheers and shouts of the crowd. 

It’s a world you’ve only seen through Arvid’s phone, the multiple video calls and pictures didn’t do any justice to the true atmosphere of the paddock, it feels completely disconnected from the world outside.

Now, you’re here in the flesh, and the attention is almost palpable. The other drivers keep glancing your way, probably piecing together who you are.

 It’s amusing and a little nerve-wracking, but Arvid is right beside you, his presence a comforting anchor in this whirlwind of new experiences.

“Have you eaten?” Arvid asks, his voice soft yet insistent. He’s always like this—making sure you’re taken care of, sometimes even before you realise what you need. 

“I grabbed a snack earlier,” you reply, smiling up at him. He gives you a look that says he’s not entirely convinced but lets it slide for now.

As you walk through the paddock, you notice how Arvid subtly manoeuvres you to his other side, positioning himself between you and the bustling crowd. 

His arm gently wraps around your waist, guiding you away from the edge of the sidewalk. It’s a small gesture, but it makes your heart flutter. 

“Safety first,” he murmurs with a grin when he catches your eye. 

The other drivers are clearly intrigued. You catch snippets of their conversations, whispers about who you might be and what your relationship with Arvid is. 

They’ve seen those photos—your hand in his, a candid shot of you laughing at something he said, your silhouette as the sun sets behind you. Now, seeing the way he cares for you, their curiosity only deepens.

The day is a blur of races, debriefs, and adrenaline. You’re swept up in the energy of it all, your excitement matching the roar of the engines. 

Arvid checks in on you frequently, whether it’s to hand you a bottle of water, share a quick kiss, or simply squeeze your hand as he passes by. 

You can tell his friends are watching, their teasing glances and knowing smiles not lost on you.

As the sun begins to set, signalling the end of the day’s events, you find yourself back on the bus with the team, heading to your hotel. 

Arvid is sitting beside you, exhaustion evident on his face. You can’t help but smile as you watch him struggle to stay awake.

“Go ahead and rest,” you whisper, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. “I’ll wake you when we get there.”

He gives you a sleepy nod, his eyes already closing as he leans his head on your shoulder. You can feel the weight of his trust and affection, and it makes your heart swell with emotion.

As the bus starts moving, you absentmindedly play with Arvid’s hair, twirling strands around your fingers. His eyes are closed, his breathing steady and calm. You can feel the tension of the day melting away from both of you.

“Look at them,” one of the drivers whispers, not quite as quietly as he thinks. “So cute it’s disgusting.”

Another laughs softly. “Arvid’s totally whipped.”

You laugh softly, feeling a mix of embarrassment and affection. Just as you’re about to respond, Arvid stirs beside you, lifting his head and blinking sleepily.

“Baby, why aren’t you paying attention to me?” he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.

The other drivers burst into laughter, and you can’t help but join them. You turn to Arvid, a playful smile on your lips.

“I am paying attention to you,” you say, leaning in to kiss his forehead. “I’m always paying attention to you.”

He grins, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. “Good,” he murmurs, resting his head against yours. “Because you’re the only thing that matters to me.”

The rest of the ride passes in a comfortable silence, the gentle hum of the bus and the quiet conversations around you lulling you into a peaceful state. 

You’re aware of the eyes on you, the whispers and the speculation, but none of it matters. All that matters is the boy resting against you, the warmth of his body, and the feeling of his hand in yours.

This weekend is a first for many things—for being at the track, for meeting Arvid’s friends, for stepping into his world. But it’s also a reminder of what you already knew: that no matter where you are or who’s watching, as long as you’re together, you’re home.

[communistkenobi]

in that post abt the gender unicorn graphic, in the comments the idea of the “split attraction model” is brought up and you say you dont want to litigate that. however, im really curious what your opinion is bc i have some ideas abt it too. i feel like its sort of an incomplete analysis? like, people feel different ways about others and that cant really be flattened into like two modes of attraction. but i personally would call myself aromantic and bisexual so obviously i have some level of investment of the idea. anyways i just ask because in general i find your analysis and opinions compelling

thank you! re: this graphic

My issue with splitting “physical attraction” and “emotional attraction” is that it does the same naturalising trick that the chromosomes-as-the-symbol-of-sex does - by splitting the emotional from the physical, this implies that physical attraction is natural, without emotion, and by the same token that emotion can exist completely detached from the physical body of the person you emotionally desire. Like I just don’t think this is true! For example, the idea of “casual sex,” ie sex that is devoid of emotion/emotional investment, is a social construction, it is a sexual act that is being contrasted against societal norms of “serious sex” or “invested sex” or whatever you want to call it - sex that is being done in the context of a monogamous, married relationship, or an otherwise exclusive long-term one. the base social unit of much of western society is the nuclear family, and the nuclear family is “ideally” produced by monogamous, cis-heterosexual, racially homogeneous reproductive sex. That is the norm by which all other sexual behaviour and activity is judged by.

and to be clear I’m not using “emotional” in an idealistic or moral sense, I am not using it as a shorthand for romantic feelings, I am purposefully using the language the graphic is using - I mean any emotion. Like just to be super clear, I’m not suggesting that people who have casual sex all secretly love the people they fuck, or that sex has to always be a serious emotional endeavour, or that people who do not feel sexual attraction to the people they have romantic feelings for are secretly lying, but that I don’t think sex is something that can be devoid of emotionality entirely. Like I think we are engaging in this Cartesian body/mind dualism where the physical acts we perform are somehow wholly separate from our emotional states. Pleasure has an emotional component to it, I don’t know how to articulate my experiences with pleasure that do not involve some level of emotionality, and emotionality has a physical character to it. Like in fact I think this graphic is treating emotions as ideal states - it reminds me of like old misogynistic psychological theory that described rationality as an absence of emotion, that to engage in rationality is to move away from emotion. It treats rationality as “out there,” objective, natural, detached from social influence, and emotion as “in here,” in our hearts, ruled by the social. And this distinction is made on the idea that the social world is detached from the physical world, which is pure idealism.

this is not a dismissal or denial of anyone who feels a disconnect between their sexual and romantic desires, such as asexual or aromantic people - while I am neither of those things, I have experienced intense physical desire for the person I’m fucking while actively dissociating during sex as a result of dysphoria/heteronormativity/etc etc. by the same token I have also felt emotionally compelled to be physically attracted to someone without actually feeling physical desire. These are both emotional states that were in conflict with my physical desires, or rather my physical desires as I understood them at the time. our ability to interpret and understand our desires is itself social! otherwise heteronormativity wouldn’t be a thing. We don’t have unmediated, unemotional access to physical desire, which I think this graphic is arguing, intentionally or not.

so having complicated, contradictory, disconnected, or otherwise ‘non-normative’ relationships to our emotional states vis a vis physical desire is obviously very real, and the reason they are real is because physical desire is also socially mediated and constructed. What and who we find attractive, why types of bodies, physical and character traits, etc are attractive to us are all part of (joker voice) society.

now, idk how you easily communicate this in graphic format. perhaps these things are unsuited to the medium of easily digestible graphics, or perhaps I’m limited in my imagination. either way I don’t think bifurcating emotional-desire-as-social and physical-desire-as-natural is particularly helpful

[lace-coffin]

Hi, I hope you're doing well, but can I request a headcanon where Bubba had a bad day and was a little sad and S/O starts giving him kisses and hugs to make him feel better. I like your blog so much!

Thank you so much for your sweet words! I’m glad your enjoying my stuff < 3

Reader comforting Bubba on a bad day

Gn!Reader x Bubba Sawyer

Requests are open!

You can see it in the way her shoulders sag like the weight of the world is being held on them, more out of it than usual and despondent. Even people as upbeat as bubba have bad days.

Unsurprisingly being the main bread (or meat lmao) winner for the family can be a big job, mentally and physically. He knows he’s doing it for his family, they need to eat, it’s not optional with the limited resources they have but..sometimes it’s so hard to disconnect from the people they kill. despite only being meat to the sawyer’s, bubba knows that they’re a loved to someone else, a sister, a mother, a new dad maybe.

They understand the weight of loosing a loved one, the entire family essentially falling apart at the seams when nubbins passed. It makes her sick knowing she’s responsible for the same heartache she’s experienced first hand. But is it truly her fault? Without him providing food his family will starve and he can’t bare to loose anyone else.

On days like these it’s best to keep her distracted, play games with the family if you can convince Drayton to begrudgingly join in. (He’ll do it for bubba but won’t admit it) preparing meals for him is a good idea, she’s unable to even look at the meat knowing the origin of it when she’s feeling like this. Try to make dinner more vegetable based on these days, you can even harvest the vegetables from the garden as an activity to take her mind off it. Don’t let chop help though unless you want to watch him throw dirt at his little sibling. He’ll clear off if you threaten to put an earthworm in his plate lol.

Insist on helping them with the dishes in the evening, dancing stupidly to music on the old crackly radio as you scrub. Thank him for his help and place little kisses on his cheeks, basking in his warmth like you’re the only two people in the world. safe in the sanctuary of the kitchen.

This regularly leads to clumsily slow dancing to unfitting music on whatever station you found first. Neither of you actually know how to slow dance, more just leaning into eachother and waddling side to side but you don’t care enough to learn, just happy to be held.

Eventually it’s time for bed, both of you exhausted, you from doing the brunt of the housework and bubba carrying that post depression exhaustion. Undoing the mask comes next, it’s not an easy feat. Bubba isn’t sure whether she feels more or less herself in the mask, unable to express herself without but bound to one expression in.

Gently pry the mask off and sit in front of the mirror with them, walk them through your favourite parts. Trace the bump of his nose, slightly crooked from a tussle with a victim, never quite healing right. Cup his warm full cheeks and dust them with kisses and praise. Tease your thumb over her plump lips, tell her they remind you of a cherub, sent from heaven just for you.

If you can love bubba than there must be something worth loving about himself, he thinks.

Being the big spoon is a good idea in these moments, let them feel small and protected under you, tracing over their curves and freckles gently, making them whine and shiver. She’ll never completely forgive herself for the things she’s done but it helps that you see beauty in her, the love, the compassion, the emotion. She just wishes she could see those things in herself on hard days.

For now this is enough, the coziness of your body blending into his until it’s unidentifiable where you begin and bubba ends. In some ways it already feels like you’re becoming part of eachother the longer you bond and the deeper you fall. You fall asleep after whispering a hushed “I love you” into their hair and receiving bubba’s sleepy equivalent of the same. Today was tiresome but the sun will rise again over the homestead, bathing the two of you in warm light and readying you for another day in eachother arms.

[vexedallay]

I have so many thoughts abt epsilon guys, so it's analysis post time-

Warning: long post below cut

So, they're not human, right? Their body is that of a robot, so presumably their mind is some sort of computer or AI (and here I mean an actual goddamn artificial intelligence, not a "generative ai" or some bs). So their entire fucking mind is made of code, and things like "variability" doesn't really exist. In order for someone like epsilon to function, they need to break down the complexity of human nature into sets of rules that govern how social interaction, society, and the world in general works. They can then follow these rules and be fine. (This is how my brain works, btw. Computers make more sense than people to me) Epsilon can understand that their rules might not be complete, and is flexible enough to add more when encountering new scenarios, but they do expect their rules to be accurate. They are very much a person of logic rather than emotion. As they have mostly only interacted with other robots and artificial beings, who function in much the same way, this works for them. However, when interacting with actual people, this doesn't work as well. People are notably often governed by emotion, not logic, and are incredibly prone to spontaneity. As such, Epsilon really has no idea how to interact with them sometimes, especially with little kids.

Epsilon also refers to living people as "organics" and robotic things as "artificials" because that is how they separate those two groups mentally. There's too many types of people, too many types of robots, so Epsilon refers to the makeup of their bodies instead. This isn't necessarily an insult, it simply is. But it is a fun detail about Epsilon habits.

Also since epsilon is a robot, they can do things like be rebuilt. This is a massive thing in the actual portal storyline - being able to rebuild these robots over and over again to continue testing. Even if Epsilon wasn't programmed initially to feel pain, they are a learning system (that's what makes them so good) so there isn't a reason they couldn't have *learned* to feel pain, or at least some facsimile of it. Additionally, them watching their body get destroyed and rebuilt it bound to be traumatizing anyways, which means I just gave this robot ptsd. Oops.

Anyhow, how does epsilon actually *survive* being destroyed, much less *watch*. First off, Epsilon only exists in their memory files. They can be *completely* disconnected from their body, lose access to *all* of their sensory systems, yet still be *alive*. (This is also bound to be incredibly traumatizing since they are basically completely at the mercy of whoever happens to find them, completely unable to defend themself.) And, if they needed to watch, glados is there and watching anyways. Since epsilon only exists in their memory files, they could be hooked up to other sensory systems, through network connections and whatnot. I'd imagine glados does this on purpose as a sort of threat to epsilon.

I do want to mention glados at least briefly. She definitely had some level of control over at least Epsilons body and sensory systems, which in general is rough (complete understatement). She also put Epsilon through all of these tests, making Epsilon a lab rat. Which means Epsilon likely has the *mentality* of a lab rat. So high levels of obedience, no real purpose to life (currently they want to find rho-13, but once they find him they won't have a purpose at all), etc. Which is just fun to play with.

Also, I like to think Epsilon uses they/them pronouns because they never got a gender module installed, and learned that they/them was the default. So they're a they/them guy with no actual preference.

Fibally, Epsilon definitely thinks of themself as EP-511ON56. They're a robot, and that is their serial number. The same way they think of RHO-13 as his serial number rather than a proper name. The reason they *use* this nickname is because organics don't like listing serial numbers constantly, so Epsilon.

Anyhow, long af ramble about epsilons character? Complete.

[witchhazelevesque]

petrified frank au genuinely sounds cool as hell ... do you have any idea in mind about what exactly "in-between state" entails? like why is it so miserable exactly? 🧐

Ahhh thanks, it’s driving me crazy lol

I don’t have a completely clear idea, but here’s some thoughts I had about why this in-between feels terrible for Frank:

I keep thinking about the ways the characters worried that protecting the tinder in like coating or a box would impact Frank himself. The tinder is organic material, even if it isn’t alive (side note there’s a thing called fire scarred petrified wood which… is so valzhang in this context lol but that happens back when the wood is still a living tree) but petrified wood is a literal fossil in the exact shape down to the cell structure. 

It would be like a replacement of what makes Frank himself, you know? In a certain sense, the tinder is alive, like when he was trekking to Camp Jupiter and it caught fire just because he thought of it doing so. Kind of like as if his mortality was contained in the tinder, and then it was leeched out or turned into something else, wood into stone, organic into not. I don’t know much about the ship of Theseus debate, but a little like that. 

I guess I’m picturing that he can feel how changed he is, like a phantom limb pain but in his soul. It’s also unnatural to him, like he was destined to burn, but now that’s literally impossible. So he’s kind of this unalive echo of himself, which I think might be especially painful for Frank since when he came to terms with his mortality in canon he did it by deciding to be as alive as he could while dying,  “If I’m going to burn, it might as well be bright”. 

But now he has lost himself- you mention in the tags that it’d be interesting if Frank unintentionally did it to himself which is also a really cool idea I’m curious about. So maybe it’s his fault or maybe it’s something that happens to him, but he’s got to exist with it now. 

(Another side note, the Fates would see it as cheating destiny too, and since his soul is now genuinely out of reach of death, the exchange price they would exact would be high.)

I only had a vague shape of how it would go, but I think his emotions would be partly deadened and he can feel them dying.  So he’s like this husk of a person that was once Frank Zhang. A lot of other kinds of fossils aren’t exact replicas but impressions or compressions, but petrified wood is exact, from what I’ve found. And that perfection just makes it worse? He’s looking at himself like, this is Frank Zhang, why do I not feel like Frank Zhang anymore? The things he once cared about, lived for and would have died for don’t make him feel the same way anymore.    

In a way the firewood was a tether, the balance to an amount of power the Fates deemed too much for a mortal. But the tether isn’t functioning the same way anymore, it’s done a complete inversion, actually. So now Frank’s so disconnected from the reality of the world, nothing to keep him in check. He’s got all this power with no safeguards and it’s messing with his head.

Not sure how it would happen but he might go into a downward spiral trying to get some part of himself back, or he might go along with the change and take on every danger so no one else has to. At some point he would lean into this reality like he did with his mortality in the first place. He might make a goal that seems impossible to reach and makes that his entire being and since he can recover from anything now his sense of reality and danger and pain and what’s possible gets skewed. And yeah maybe he can’t die but he’s killing anything left of his old self. He might make deals with the wrong entities and progressively rack up costs that bleed over onto other people to pay. And he just… doesn’t care the way he knows he should and the way he used to.

With Leo, there’s this build up of Leo watching all this happen and trying to be there and help, but Frank doesn’t want that help. And Leo’s got his own mess of feelings about death and mortality and resurrection, plus self loathing and guilt tied up with his own powers, so that adds to the whole situation. In the end, Frank probably gets someone they both cared about killed or kills them himself. I think that’s probably one of the only things that could make Leo turn on him. Or maybe Frank wants him to use his fire for things Leo doesn’t want to do and things escalate and Leo feels like he has to walk away. Or maybe he goes along with things despite his better judgment because this is Frank, of course Leo trusts him, and this might be how someone he cares for dies. (You also mentioned this break between them might be related to the petrifaction itself, which sounds really interesting, do you mean like maybe it was Leo’s fire that was burning it or there was some situation Leo was involved in that lead to it happening? Would love to hear about that idea.)

And after everything, Frank seeing this connection he’d taken for granted snap might ignite something in him, but it’s too late, Leo can’t stay anymore and Frank’s got nothing left. And he has to exist like that for eternity.

On a more literal level, he’s not an immortal in the traditional sense, like no ichor or magic or semi-omniscience, but he also can’t die.  I think it may change his physical body too, and since petrification happens down to the cellular level, maybe that’s how it works for Frank. Not so much that he’s made of stone but to him it feels like that. Like when he moves it feels wrong, like that uncomfortable sound/sensation of stones dragging across one another. Pain he could handle but there’s this feeling of wrongness all throughout him that is a constant, silent torment.

Anyway, super long winded and inconclusive lol, I’m very curious about your thoughts you mentioned in the tags if you wanna share 

[kseniyagreen]

Disco Elysium. Thoughts about the Pale

Beware, Spoilers!!!

The theme of Pale is one of the main ones for understanding the meaning of the story, one of the key metaphors. The question is a metaphor for what?

A long time ago I had the idea that there are two types of emptiness. Honest, ordinary emptiness, like a hole in which there is nothing. And therefore it can always be filled with something new.

And an emptiness that gives nothing, but at the same time fills you up, not allowing you to make up for the loss with something else. Emptiness that has the power to displace life.

People who have experienced severe depression know this feeling. When you seem to be filled to the brim with melancholy, and this melancholy feels more real than the whole world around you.

Pale is the depression of the world.

In the world of the game, people irradiated by Pale become ill with longing for what was lost or for what never happened. Longing for something that doesn’t exist in reality, but we wish it did.

And if these alluring ghost images fill a person entirely, they completely disconnects from the outside world. Essentially, falling into a sad waking dream.

Yes, Pale is a metaphor for those regrets in which we drown after experiencing loss or disappointment or discovering an insurmountable obstacle on the path we have outlined for ourselves.

And it is characteristic that in these regrets, as in Pale, there is something alluring. It seems that it is there, at the bottom of this melancholy, that something beautiful and amazing is stored, and all present reality is insipid, empty, gray.

Having rejected reality, people escape from it - with the help of alcohol, drugs, religion or their own imagination. And the longer this escape lasts, the more difficult it is to return to contact, the more inconspicuous and meaningless the real world feels.

We say the world is gray, but maybe it’s not the world, but the gray veil before our eyes prevents us from seeing the valuable in what surrounds us?

But Pale is not only a psychological phenomenon of private life, but also a global.

In the conversation with phasmid (which I will write about later), a very important phrase is heard:

“Pale is the shadow of your nervous activity.”

What could this mean?

Our consciousness gives us the opportunity to create, change the world, and operate with simbols . And among other things, consciousness gives us the opportunity to perceive negative space.

If you draw a pattern on paper, inside this pattern you can see another one - a pattern of voids. And the more complex your pattern, the closer to it in complexity this pattern of voids will be. There are no material resources invested in it - ink, graphite - but you can fill it with emotional energy, give it meaning with the power of your imagination.

Many techniques in horrors are built on this principle - an empty space, an empty black silhouette on the wall, can make an even stronger impression than the specific outlines of a monster.

By focusing on what is not exist, we fill it with power, turning nothing into something.

This is how Pale is born - first of all, within us. When our inner life focuses on loss, this loss gradually takes on a meaning-forming role. But it cannot give real meaning - after all, in essence, it is just a hole, nothing. It can only become a source of constant thirst that cannot be quenched.

"THERE IS A HOLE IN MY HEART"

Revachol's voice speaks.

The worst thing is that Pale affects not just individual people, but entire nations. Regret about lost former power (even mythical) or disappointment in old ideals, resentment towards life and one’s own powerlessness - when these feelings capture a large number of people, entire countries can turn into a force that brings death.

Because Pale strives to grow - and the only way that something that is not exists can grow apart is by destroying what exists.

The further humanity develops, the denser and more complex the connections between us - thanks to the Internet, thanks to modern technologies - the more people have the opportunity to realize their fantasies. Create your own world.

But the more complex the structure - more powerful its shadow.

In addition to garbage, harmful emissions, and environmental pollution, we also create Pale. The more paths are tried, the more ideologies are tried, the more doubts there are in the future. The more we know about each other, the more difficult it can be to maintain a positive view of humans as a species.

What will happen if everything we have created over thousands of years of history cannot outweigh all our failures and disappointments? What happens if Pale wins?

Disco Elysium has a very rare quality for acutely social works - the game not only poses a problem, but also shows the possibility of solving it. At least a sprout of hope.

But I will write about this later.

[missnancywritesfanfic]

A Good Enough Place

Character: Wanderer(Scaramouche) x Reader

Contains: High-Functioning Depressed Reader, light angst/extreme comfort, self-indulgent, mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

A/N: I am at a low rn and need my darling man 💗 No, I did not edit

--

You'd learned about Wanderer through the akademiya, you're new to the institute and happened to work on a mutual project that went on for a number of months. He wasn't particularly mean, or arrogant as people say. Okay, maybe a little arrogant...but despite his blatant transparency, you found it refreshing. In fact, you had a similar effect on him as well.

His insults never seemed to phase you. He would call out your lax attitude, your weird unfiltered thoughts (few of them quite morbid), or even moments of laziness. You threw it right back at him, not bothering with surface level insults (those are for when you're both in a better mood), his contradictory behaviour is his most obvious trait.

For someone who despises humanity, he tolerated them, lived with them, even made something akin to friends with a few. It was cute. You empathized. You didn't have any particular love for humanity either, you're not sure when it happened but a barrier was set up between you and the rest of the world. Despite actively participating in the social circles of Sumeru, you couldn't help but feel alien.

He noticed it about you. The distant look in your eye whenever you were having a conversation, like you weren't present despite all your efforts. But just like always, you responded with a shrug and a smile, "Yeah, I guess I do that sometimes. Not sure why, feels comfortable."

Does it? Being so disconnected from reality?

He quickly picked up on how frequently it would occur. Sometimes, even outside of conversation, he'll catch you in your own little world. In a corner alone studying or having a walk and listening to music. Not quite your natural state, but getting closer, because once someone catches your attention the mask goes back on.

The day he found out about your condition, it was late when he was leaving the Akademiya grounds. He saw you completely alone near the railing. And you were completely still, a vacant look on your face.

He didn't feel the need to disturb your peace, until tears welled up in your eyes and you keeled over, hiding behind the railing the fetal position. Your once calm expression suddenly distorted into horror in and agony. You're suppressing the shiver in your body as you choke back a sob.

His body moves before he can process what's happening. He suddenly finds himself by your side, crouched down to your height, a hand on your back. You sniffle and try wiping your tears away, already trying to piece that facade back together.

"No no, I'm fine. No worries!" You choke out a laugh. "I was just admiring the view and thinking about how pretty everything looked, you know?"

You weren't lying. He knew you weren't. But that didn't stop the unease stirring in his chest. He led you someplace private so that you calm down, but it did take time until you.

Enough for him to make tea for the two of you. The entire time, after your breakdown, you were completely silent. Running a strategy in your mind on how you could convince him it wasn't what it looked like. He didn't need to worry or have any reason to believe you were less than functional.

Unfortunately for you, he didn't even give you a chance.

"I'm only going to ask once, and know that I'll never ask again if you try weasling your way out of this. What were you doing?"

"I already told you. It was nothing."

You didn't even hesitate. You looked him in the eye from across the table and he could clearly see, you were already trying to cut yourself from this conversation.

"You balling your eyes out isn't nothing. In fact, some would say that's not normal."

"I get emotional sometimes." You snap back. "Is it really that surprising?"

He doesn't respond. He takes a sip of his tea. You knew he didn't believe you for a second. This isn't working.

"What do you want me to say?"

This isn't working at all.

"I was just looking at the view. It was pretty and I was thinking, Hey how amazing would it be to be bird and fly!"

How ridiculous. The thought crossed both your minds. He silently watched as you suddenly became discontent with your own words. You scowl and cover your eyes, taking a deep breath and contemplating. You push your hair back, tears brimming as you struggled to speak.

"Then I just went somewhere else, one thought led to another, I realized how far the ground was from thar balcony...and I thought..."

Your lip quivers. You avert your eyes. You feel disgusted at the sense of relief that accomponied your words.

"How great would it be if I could be literally anything else but this right now..."

Ah. So that's it. He sets his cup back down, doing his best not to grip it too tight.

"So yeah, that's all it was. Congrats, you happy now?"

Were you expecting him to say yes? You scowled when he looked offended at your question, no matter how bitter it was. He took it to heart.

"You think I'd be happy at the prospect of you killing yourself? You must think quite lowly of me."

You opened your mouth to snap at him, but shut it just quickly. You both sit in silence. He leans on the table, tapping at the wood before sighing.

"Are you always like this?"

"Sometimes." You mumble. "When I'm not thinking about it...But when I do?" You chuckle, staring at your blurry reflection in your tea cup."It's very easy to believe that life's a lie, so am I, and maybe I should no longer participate."

You continue.

"I don't want to die. I'm just finding it progressively harder to convince myself otherwise. Even when deep down, I know I want to live."

He watches you slowly raise the cup to your mouth before giving up halfway and setting it back down. You couldn't stomach consuming anything right now.

"Do you mind not telling anybody about this? Last thing I wanna deal with is a bunch of counsellors and inspirational posters, it gets really annoying real quick."

"I don't see much of a reason to hide it. Not like the akademiya doesn't have it's fair share of scholars on the brink of ruin."

You shoot him a glare.

"Would you be comfortable with me airing out your dirty laundry? Or do you just get a kick out of hurting people you care about?"

"That implies I care about you."

You wordlessly eye the freshly made tea set before you both. Then you give him as questioning look, waiting for him to give an excuse as to why that isn't the case.

You weren't blind and neither was he. The Wanderer was not known to be this attentive to strangers, let alons acquantances. The only other exceptions were Kusanali and The Traveler.

"What a pain..." He groans and takes your untouched tea for himself. "Why not help you move past this?"

You raise an eyebrow. He casually sips your tea.

"You don't have a reason to live, right? We'll just have to find it. Who knows, maybe you have a use in this world. Uncovering that may help you start to feel purpose again."

"Fuck's sake, I don't want to be useful, I just want to be happy again. Is that really so much to ask?"

This is the first time he'd seen you truly angry. Even if it was for a split second, the ire you expressed was raw and undeniably intruiging. Why didn't you show this more? It couldn't possibly be so bad for you to exist in such an emotional state.

His eyes shift to his vision. It still let off a vibrant turquoise glow. A swirl of energy nestled deep inside, which he coveted dearly.

Not too long ago, he'd wanted nothing but to purge all the emotions he'd held onto for centuries. The agony his existence had brought him felt like some sick byproduct, and insisted it be shed away to become something worth greatness. Worth living.

As trivial as your troubles may seem, maybe it wasn't that different from his desire to be a true god. Or rather, there was no difference between his wish to Irminsul and your wish being expressed to him.

"You're asking the wrong guy. But I suppose I've yet to find any semblance of true peace, even with a purpose given to me."

You silently reach out and brush against his free hand. He doesn't stop you from tracing the joints of his hand. You were extremely delicate. A feather's touch and gentle look as you took in the details.

He was cold.

But you didn't have the strength to move away. You're so tired of the barrier between you and the rest of the world. You instead slide your hand fully into his.

"Do you think I'm being stupid?"

"All the time." He smiles. Barely. But it's there. "But does it really matter what I think? If you're the one walking the path?"

His words click in your mind. If you want happiness, focus on finding it, regardless of what others wish. He really didn't mind the thoughts plaguing you, he wasn't perfect with his words but you knew they were genuine. It made you feel a bit warmer inside.

Obviously, easier said than done but...having the reassurance. It helped.

"Guess not..." You squeeze his hand. "Could you be there with me? Just for a little while."

"I can't promise to be by your side forever. Eventually our paths may split apart. But I guess until then, I'll see what I can do.

You don't smile when he squeezes your hand back. You bite it back along with your tears.

"That's good enough."

[blommp717]

Hi! Thx for all the posts and replies so far 🤍

I’m having a big problem which is that even tho I have accepted that I’m not the person and that apparently the life + world + person won’t disappear even after I realize self. But despite having that acceptance and knowledge that I am just awareness creating / experiencing itself and not the person, I still get completely caught up in the negative feelings ( the person is quite miserable and gets depressed pretty much everyday) and I’m just in a loop and can’t move forward. Would you have any advice for me?

Thank you 🌻

So ( and this is what I know from my experience so this is advice I urge you to try out) what I mean to say by understanding you are not the things that are perceived, doesn’t mean to try and push yourself and disconnect yourself as much as possible from them. If this was the goal of life I don’t see a reason for it to exist as an experience. The entire point is to realize that it is all you. Maybe I haven’t worded it right but just because you are the “ “ doesn’t mean these things are not forms of you. As clay form into a pot, the clay never disappears, it takes on a perceived different appearance. The clay is still clay. This is you, I don’t mean for you to think, I am awarness, and solely that, as if it’s an entity seperate from the dream, is the dream, it takes form of the dream, there is no separation between this consciousness/god and the forms it pretends to be. Please don’t try to run away from the body or the illusions, but understand that they’re just hollow, there’s no substance that makes them “real”. The realization of “peach” is the peach “made real”. The “awarness” that you are (trying not to be vague, it’s very hard to explain lol sry) does not exist as something apart from the illusion, it is exactly what it appears as. I hope this makes more sense.

And another word of advice from what I realized really helps? Don’t give meaningless things a meaning, an emotion is no more than the way the body reacts to temperature, hot and cold don’t have a meaning inherently, so when your cold, you don’t spiral out of control and think it means your “doing” something wrong do you? Of course not ☀️. So just realize, your allowed to feel, your allowed to perceive the illusionary physicalities but remain unbothered.

The only reason we try escaping from these emotions is usually because we attach the meaning that something bad is happening, or will happen, and that you’re doing something wrong by feeling that way. The body and person can’t ever decide whether or not something is happening, or if there is good or bad. These are just thoughts like everything else! “I can’t feel bad cus I’ll mess up my manifestation” how meaningless, but made true by no one but yourself. I’ve felt terrible anxiety and unstable emotions while also realizing it’s ok to feel that way because it inherently means nothing in relation to just being, awareness, this god remains unbothered.

Instill a level of confidence (so to speak) for yourself. Paint a new story, realizing that the old one is just as real as what you decide to experience next. The affirmation doesn’t make something happen, but simply focuses this limitless “ “ to that idea or thought. Realizing “it’s so easy to be happy” is instantly true, regardless of an emotion. In the same way you can think “I hate being depressed” regardless of an emotion. I really hope something that I said helped you out but if you want more clarity please let me know! ☀️🪷🫀

[sleepy-shutin]

DID is a trauma disorder. if you disagree you are ableist, period.

like at this point i'm going to start calling people ableist for saying DID isn't caused by trauma, because it is. it goes against literal decades of research into DID.

and i genuinely cannot figure out for the life of me why people want to claim DID so badly, when other forms of plurality are right there. do you want to seem more valid? are you just that deep in denial of your own trauma? are you overly attached to hypotheticals? it makes no sense.

there are no good arguments for saying DID isn't caused by trauma in the face of everything we have.

"the DSM doesn't list DID in the trauma disorders section" because it's categorizing disorders by their primary symptoms and not their cause. that said, the trauma and stressor related disorders category is right next to the dissociative disorders category to display their close relationship.

"trauma isn't in the criteria" because people with DID frequently downplay or don't remember their trauma, so putting it in the criteria is useless if you actually want people to get diagnosed in the first place.

"but it says associated with--" what do you think 'associated with' means?

"but in the PTSD section it says--" it says that the symptoms can become apparent at any point in life, not that the disorder can be caused at any point in life, and if it did, it wouldn't say that in a completely different disorder entry. it would say that in the entry for DID.

"DID is underresear--" not it's not. my library of 20+ books and papers says you're wrong, and my friend's library of 1500+ books and papers says you're even more wrong.

"but there are so many reasons that someone could dissociate to those levels" and everyone who proceeds to list the reasons someone would dissociate to those levels proceeds to list either trauma that's normally downplayed, or other things frequently caused by trauma. there is no reason for someone to dissociate (i.e. disconnect themselves from their own lives and experiences) so severely that their neurology changes in order to categorize their life experiences into separate states of consciousness without trauma being involved.

"they just want you to final fuse and say your alters aren't people" if this is the case then why does the actual ISSTD, the international society for the study of trauma and dissociation, recognize healthy multiplicity as a completely valid form of recovery that patients can and should strive for if that is what they want with their treatment goals, in their treatment guidelines for CDDs?

"all dissociation is complex" this is a new one i heard today and it's just completely wrong on all fronts! no, daydreaming, a non-pathological and completely normal form of dissociation that everyone experiences, is not the same as what i've endured my entire life, and that's been me, floating through the world in an extremely detached manner for my whole life because the trauma i endured as a child has kept me from being able to connect to myself properly. daydreaming is not the same as having such a discordant relationship with your own body that you cannot look in the mirror without getting distressed because you can't believe that you have a body. daydreaming is not the same as being able to turn off all of your emotions during a stressful event because you don't know how to deal with them, so you don't. daydreaming is not the same as experiencing severe stress and/or trauma and shoving all of the memories and/or feelings from that stress and trauma into a completely compartmentalized and sectioned off part of your own psyche because you cannot cope with it.

like genuinely what are you people trying to get at here? is there an agenda that big psych is trying to push about DID? what does big psych, or literally anyone, gain from pushing that DID is a trauma disorder?

like seriously, think long and hard about what the long term goals of the people and professionals that say that DID is a disorder rooted in trauma are and the evidence that backs all of that up.

they have tried to find other causes for DID. they have tried to look into everything that can possibly cause DID, from 'they're making it all, alters and trauma, up for attention' to 'alters are the adult version of imaginary friends' and found that the only one that rang true when held up to the scrutiny of empirical evidence is that DID is a complex trauma-based dissociative disorder that occurs when a child is extremely traumatized over a long period of time.

the only people that say DID is not a trauma-based disorder are people who haven't read much more than cherry-picked screenshots of the DSM who just really, really want it to be true, and they haven't read a single god damn thing other than the DSM. because if they did, then they would no longer have an argument.

so, for once and for all, i'm going to dig through my personal library and screenshot sections of some of the books and papers that i have personally read and outline them below, quickly and plainly for all to see.

and all of that is ignoring THESE:

These tidbits from Dissociative Identity Disorder: An Empirical Overview - Dorahy, Brand, 2014, p. 403 & 412

This entire section from Separating Fact from Fiction: An Empirical Examination of Six Myths About Dissociative Identity Disorder - Brand, 2016

this section from Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno Van Der Hart

the opening portion of this essay from Dissociation and the Dissociative Disorders; Past, Present, Future - (2023) - Chapter 11: ATTACHMENT TRAUMA AND THE DEVELOPING RIGHT BRAIN: Origins of Pathological Dissociation and Some Implications for Psychotherapy - Schore

these sections from The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, (2006): CHAPTER 4: Tertiary Structural Dissociation of the Personality

if anyone else is sick and tired of having this argument over and over, feel free to send these screenshots to anyone who keeps making the ableist argument that DID can be caused by things other than trauma.

DID is a trauma disorder, backed by DECADES of research, and if you continue to deny this, you are fucking ableist. i rest my good god damn motherfucking case.

[theeternalwombtarot]

what’s going on within the divine masculine collective | divine masculine update | June 30, 2023

Channeled messages for the entire collective:

Sevens are really heavy within everyone’s group.

Seven symbolizes a full and complete world or generally completion, perfection or wholeness. As an angel number number seven means that someone is ready for their spiritual awakening to begin or open up. It’s linked to deeper meanings, big picture thinking, and true wisdom.

I kept dropping large amounts of cards while shuffling for my piles

Divine masculine collective has a lot to say, a lot they wish they could say, or a lot they really want to say. Throat, chakra, blockages, delays due to communication words being messed up or messages not being conveyed, completely or in manners that are understandable divine masculines may have a hard time speaking or a hard time getting their words out correctly they mean one thing and say another, etc. etc..

There's an energy of indecisiveness

could be presenting as making a decision to speak or not, come forward or not, or in which ways they will choose to present themselves or come towards their divine feminines when they come forward or if they should at all.

——————————————————————————

- pile two 🖤-

Channeled messages for pile two:

October, fall, and winter months could be significant

Angel numbers: 666, 777, 8132, 7156, 6

Clearing throats, throat, chakra, preparing to speak

Chai tea, cinnamon, or spices

Short fingers, hands that are warm to the touch

Earth signs (Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus)

Air signs (Gemini, Libra Aquarius)

Itching, respiratory issues, watery eyes

The neck area

The ears

The five senses

-

Divine masculine is focusing a lot on his future or making plans for his future at this time. There could be a lot of focus on personal goals in the physical or material sense but I also see internal alignment or a desire for spiritual, mental, emotional growth as well as clarity. This divine masculine could feel as though he’s in a fog or is some what disconnected from himself and from source. There’s an appetite for improvement or for personal growth that rings prevalent here it’s as if divine masculine is saying “I want more for myself.” I sense an opening of the crown chakra as well as an opening of the heart as well and there is a connection between the two being opened and heavily in connection with one another just like in pile one now we talked about the heart chakra and the throat chakra.

Divine masculine is on the look out for financial opportunities or may have received financial opportunities or there is financial opportunities coming in quickly here for this divine masculine. He could be manifesting abundance or manifesting some door or pathway towards enlightenment and abundance within all areas of his being at this time. He could be in the energy to create something, to build things or to bring in manifestations into their physical form. This divine masculine could be heavily inspired or exuding a really high level of confidence and self esteem, I see someone finally being ready to step into their higher selves and releasing past limitations, mindsets, and emotional blockages that kept them growing or expanding as they were meant to before hand.

Divine masculine is standing in his power here with the high priestess upright, he’s mirroring an energy of a divine feminine energy he could be close to as well. He is in the energy of a high priestess or the high priestess herself, the intuitive, THE divine feminine. There’s Justice taking place here, this speaks of truth, Justice, fairness, and cause and effect and law. Four of pentacles upright in support of this Justice card and that has to do with saving money and financial stability. He’s in communication with divine feminine and they are feeding off of eachothers energy here. They’re mirroring eachother in the progressive and expansive energy they are holding for self. There could be some sort of business deal taking place here, talk of collaboration, or success.

There’s an energy here where Divine feminine, and divine masculine, potentially, could’ve shared a relationship together in the past, but the relationship they share has taken on a different energy. They could’ve broken up or separated, and reconciled in different energies. There’s something here about a lack of direction within divine masculine‘s life he kind of has this ambition and this energy of wanting to improve and this energy of wanting to build things, but there’s also this energy of being at a loss or not having any plans almost as if he had plans before, almost as if things shifted very drastically within his life within the past couple weeks or months. The specific detail is really really specific to a very small percentage of people I’m sure, but there is sort of an underlying relationship dynamic here that was one way at one point but quickly turned into something else is showing up in the cards, but very faintly. This particular divine masculine and divine feminine, are connected to each other on a soul level, so they are energetically in alignment with each other it seems. The general energy of the cards are coming off as very platonic, but there is also this sort of suppressed emotionally charged energy within this divine masculine that leads me to believe that there was a potential relationship here or potential romantic connection here that is no longer romantic.

-

advice for divine masculine if you’re listening:

You could be experiencing challenges of some sort here, with you being in this energy of change at this point in time the challenges may be within self and doing the inner work to reinvent, rebuild, restore and improve yourself. Spirit doesn’t want you to give up on this though, you’re headed in an incredible direction, you’re heading in the right direction and you’re exactly where you need to be at this time. Being in connection with this divine feminine could continue to accelerate your journey forward in healing and growing within so you can grow in externally as well. I’m hearing sayings or phrases like “what’s up above is below” and I’m also hearing bring abundance in all. There’s an energy here of finding balance. The laws of the universe could be significant, you’re on your journey to balancing your inner feminine and masculine, to being abundant within to bring abundance and prosperity externally in your material life, and to being the energy you want to attract. The number three could be significant “beginning, middle, end” threes represent complete cycles and wholeness. The number 8 could be significant as well. Infinity, infinite.

You’re being asked to rest right now and really listen to what your body needs at this time. You could be sleeping a lot or feeling really tired lately, this is a sign that you’re undergoing a transformation. You could be feeling called to meditate as well. You could be in your mind a lot or thinking a lot lately and spirit wants you to really hoan in on matters of the mind at this time, meditation, mental health, stimulating yourself mentally, etc.

Keep moving forward, keep progressing, hold onto this energy and this desire to grow and to expand. When you’re looking for growth you will be able to find it everywhere.

-

advice for divine feminines in connection with pile two divine masculines:

Take advantage of this collaboration or the opportunity to return from financial loss or learn more from divine masculine at this time. There are many things to be shared between the two of you and many opportunities to expand your minds and prepare yourself to be able to bring more manifestations into fruition.

Keep in mind your personal alignment and the fact that this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow and gather the resources you need to build something for yourself. This is about having choices, this is about your values and your goals and all the things that you want to do that will be easily within your reach with the help of this connection. You are being reborn, you’re undergoing a transformation of your own and you are learning to balance your masculine energy with your feminine energy in order to curate the life that you want and bring your dreams and manifestations into fruition. To dream is an attribute of the divine feminine, to take action is an attribute of the divine masculine.

Don’t let your emotions regarding past versions of this connection or past experiences you shared with this divine masculine become poison to the renewed version of this connection with this person that’s been given to you.

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What divine masculine would say to divine feminine if he could:

“ I want to try to fix things that I may have broken between us but I don’t know how.”

“I’m sorry, please, don’t hold it against me, forgive me for my wrongdoings.“

“I wasted so much time in the wrong places with the wrong people.“

“I’m feeling lost and confused in my life and energy is affecting our relationship and how I deal with you.”

<3!

-

pile one

pile three

[burning-sol]

Ramping up your pleads to people's humanity by luring them in with polls and other means to draw a connection between their daily living and an obligation to help those in need is actually only going to cause a DECREASE in donations over time FYI.

Compassion fatigue is real, and if you think it isn't you aren't putting your two brain cells together. I don't know if the term itself is something that's verified, but all the symptoms people are describing are real and associated with trauma responses - which is why it's been linked to PTSD. Instigating feelings of helplessness? Irritability? Exhaustion? Numbness? Causing substance abuse? These are behaviours that develop when someone is being exposed to trauma, especially when it's a repeated exposure to trauma.

You may have heard of the freeze response, which is something that crops up when a person is unable to fight or run away the thing they're being threatened by. The way this can manifest is through dissociation, where the brain will disconnect feeling from the person's emotions, body and/or the world when overcome with complete helplessness in order to protect it. When someone is being exposed to constant stress that might otherwise kill them from the distress it inflicts, it's possible for the brain to cut off a sense of feeling entirely, which extends to feelings of empathy.

When you create a constant reminder of the horrifically distressing things happening, when you get into people's heads to where they can no longer physically escape the thing that's a stressor - because you are inviting them to link their day to day activities with reminders of that stressor - their brain is going to cut off their ability to empathise so it doesn't kill them. And kill them isn't an exaggeration because there are other ways people try to escape from an inescapable distress, whether that be substance abuse or offing themselves. So no, this isn't a fucking joke.

On a personal note, my headmate had been engaging in self-punitive behaviour again because he thinks if it can't do anything (because he isn't looking after itself and is unable to recover its emotional fortitude) then it doesn't deserve anything. Not everyone responds to shit this way, but more people do than you think. And just because YOU don't break under the stress doesn't mean there aren't people out there who DO, and those people don't want to speak up when they're hurting because you've convinced them their entirely normal psychological responses are indicative of a moral failing.

So fuck you, actually. Don't go harassing people for making those kinds of posts, but FUCK THIS because none of this is working and it's making shit worse! It's a disorganised mess!! So here's what *I* would recommend:

Decide on an allowance you can afford to give up on a monthly basis. This might be $20, it could be less, it could be more.

Decide how frequently you can handle being exposed to news of conflict. This may be weekly, bi-weekly, daily, whatever.

Divide that money up and every chosen day get your clicks in, and donate whether it be to Gaza Gunds or MSF or to whoever/whatever else is relevant.

STOP reblogging posts designed to draw out feelings of guilt. Create your own post that includes: a the link to the fundraiser, verification of the fundraiser's legitimacy, the current amount of money raised, the goal of the fundraiser. You do NOT have to include more information that this, don't let yourself get lost in more details than you can handle.

Do not hesitate to block out content if you are overwhelmed. You do not have look at anything more than the days you assigned yourself.

This might feel like you're "not doing enough" but consistency is better than burnout. This isn't a rule but generally people do better with a consistent source of income than they would with one that's sporadic and unpredictable. If you're overwhelmed by choice, you can pick out a single fundraiser and donate to it reliably and it WILL make a big difference.

If you take issue with this post you can direct complaints to @exandr0th-0f-viscera since *I* penned this post, I'm just borrowing Sol's blog for more reach. Thanks.