#comedy skit

[shyjusticewarrior]

DC Comics Incorrect Quotes Pt 238

[At a Chinese restaurant]

Jason, reading fortune: "You will commit a crime in three minutes."

Tim: That's pretty direct.

Jason: Right?

Jason: What does yours say?

Duke: Mine says "you will witness a crime in three minutes."

Jason: Tim, what does yours...?

Tim: "You will die in three minutes."

Duke: Jay, I think you're going to kill Tim.

Jason: No, I'm not. Why would I do that?

Tim:, standing up: I got to get out of here.

[fallen-faerie]

❦ 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖆 𝕽𝖎𝖈𝖈𝖎 𝖔𝖓 𝕲𝖔𝖙𝖍 𝕿𝖆𝖑𝐤 ❦

[strange-birdy-me]

Every Episode of Good Omens (and Inside No. 9) in 45 seconds.

Shared it for the Good Omens bit, but seriously Alasdair Beckett-King is a great comedian. Check him out.

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Bringing this back ..because I fucking love it!

Vincent Price doing the twist - Red Skelton Show; Cauliflower Loses His Birds (1962)

[blake-1030]

(This is based on a TikTok sound I heard earlier)

Swiss and Rain reading Dew’s journal

Swiss: ‘when I was a wee child I had the ability to swallow meatballs’

Both break out laughing

Rain: that’s the greatest first sentence of a story I’ve ever heard

Swiss: ‘so every time a had a dish with-‘ *laughing*

Rain: *laughing* what?

Swiss: ‘so every time I had a dish with meatballs, I’d eat it Kirby style’

Both begin to laugh again

Rain: satan fucking dammit

Swiss: ‘one night when I was sleeping I felt someone watching me, turns out there was-‘wtf

Rain: what?

Swiss: ‘turns out there was a dark figure standing at the foot of my bed’

Rain: what does this have to do with meatballs?

Swiss: I don’t know,that’s why I was like “why did you tell us you could swallow meatballs whole?”

Swiss: ‘he was hovering at the foot of my bed. He softly whispered “you’ll die”

Both start laughing again

Dew: whatcha got there

Rain and Swiss scream in unison



[flur-ink]

Comic form of a Tik Tok I recently made.

Being neurodivergent during the Victorian Era wasn’t the easiest thing😭

Don’t hesitate to check my Tik Tok here, I also have much more HL skits on my page for ya’ll🫶

[crazyforclones]

Silly guys

[cheezbites]

How COD Characters Would Text

✎: I’m such a slow writer/procrastinator so sorry for the slow posts. But I upload lots of skits and I know y’all love those !!😋

♡Summary: Headcanons of how COD characters would text.

Ghost

• He rarely replies to you or sees your messages, as for how you never see him texting you in the first place. (Or even using his phone for that matter). Every once in a blue moon, you would finally see a highlighted double check mark next to your messages.

• Has a black screen set as his profile picture.

• Leaves you on read and you took it personally, but he addresses your texts in real life since he finds the keyboard too confusing, and he doesn't have time to figure it out.

“I saw your text on the... Uh, ‘What App’, the meeting’s going to be at 2:30pm.”

Valeria

• Strictly sends voice notes; she also finds the keyboard too complicated. If she’s in an environment where she can’t send voice messages then she texts you back painstakingly slow, or she doesn’t bother trying.

• She adored calling you to hear your voice and have genuine conversations instead of staring at a screen and repeatedly tapping away. She also loved hearing about your day and what you were up to.

• Texts you at any time but mostly at night.

König

• Would only text you if you texted him; he has his notifications on for vital and crucial things but most importantly when you send him messages. Also a very messy typer, it would be impossible to not find a single typo.

• Has a cute stray cat he saw on a walk as his profile pic.

• König would frequently discover emojis; although you knew them all like the back of your hands you acted oblivious for him.

“🤪🤪 Did u kno this emoji existed?!”

“miawwww🙀!!! This emoji is very silly, we should use it more often.”

“🙈🙊🙈jajaja ich bin ein schüchterner Affe..”

Price

• Sends you corny facebook memes to start your day. You act as if you hated them and they're obnoxious but deep down you love when he sends them. You know it’s an ‘off day’ for him when you don’t receive one.

• He’s a massive punctuation enthusiast, and he doesn't type slow but not too fast despite his age.

“Good morning, how are you doing today?”

“Please ensure to drink lots of water, it’s going to be very hot later on.”

“Please don’t touch Simon’s sandwich in the fridge. He’s feeling very stubborn today.👍”

• Would make a group chat so the group can bond but half of you guys left over petty arguments and the other half are inactive.

• Him fishing on some boat as his profile picture.

Soap

• Has one of the default options as his profile picture. Or him posing with a rifle.

• Sends you memes you actually laugh at, they’re usually short videos. But then on the other hand, he sends you corny puns that you still find yourself laughing at:

Soap: “Y can’t scientist trust atoms?”

Y/N: “???? why”

Soap: “Cause they make up everything!”

Y/N: “hahahah soo funny dude😐”

And behind the screen you have the biggest shit-eating grin.

• Always double texts you, even if you say you’re busy and can’t take messages. Not even that, he’d triple text you because he can and nothing is stopping him.

• He’s on Do Not Disturb most of the time from all the spam emails he receives, mostly because he carelessly gave out his information to dodgy websites.

Gaz

• Over shares information so casually and then changes the subject, it honestly baffles you at times. To him, there's no such thing as TMI.

“Nearly got run over heading to the shops, but how are you?”

“There was a stabbing at the local chippy shop. What’s for dinner?”

“Just saw a homeless person buy drugs with money someone accidentally dropped. Fun day.”

• Texts you all the time, the moment you send him a message he opens it no matter what time it is or where he’s at.

• Has a selfie as his profile picture.

Alejandro

• Would try-hard being cool so he uses a shit ton of emojis in nearly every text, you can't help but laugh at his failed efforts. And expect lots of typos from him, too.

“Yo😁 any plans todsy🤔🤔??”

“Jow do I turn dowm the brightness.😎☀️”

• He only messages you in the afternoon, in the morning he's too occupied and at night he’s getting that beauty sleep.

• You’re like his tech assistant, always helping him with the simplest of things. This one time, he set his keyboard to another language and was only messaging in Arabic until you could help him set it back to English.

Rudy

• Spams you like it’s super urgent, only to say: “never mind, it’s not important” knowing damn well he had nothing to say in the first place.

“hello?!??!”

“pick up y/n, very important. asap!!!!!”

“are you dead? where are you.”

And once you do get back to him…

“nvm the issue was resolved.”

• Turned off auto capitalisation, but he’s still punctual every now and then. Never sends emojis.

• On that note, whenever you say “ur” he does that know-it-all thing which we all know and hate where he says “You’re*”.

Horangi

• A mix of voice notes and texts, he generally does not text whatsoever even if it’s urgent. If you wanted to reach him you had to do so face-to-face.

• He would leave you on read with no shame and forget what you even sent ten seconds later.

• Is committed to that default image as his profile picture, he knows how to change it but he can't be bothered and he doesn’t even know what to change it to.

Keegan

• When he sends voice notes he acts confused as to why you’d bookmark them. (Fully aware girls simp for his voice - it’s a massive ego boost at times).

• Calls you early in the morning, (really early). As he knows you inevitably snooze your alarm and stay in bed for ‘a few more minutes’ but you stay glued there until the afternoon. It’s a really efficient way of waking you up so you’re not complaining.

Masterlist

[luzzarm]

SHIP NEWS - Laughs envoys bound for England

Dean MARTIN and Jerry LEWIS on board of Queen Elisabeth promoting their film "Scared Stiff"

June 1953

[tonyzaret]

This is just a satire but the sad thing is a lot of people will think it is real because of how everything is now a days 

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason, in a wig: Hello, my child.

Duke: Oh my god... Jesus, you really are white.

Jason: Yes. Well, there's multiple Jesus-es. There's a black Jesus-

Duke, excitedly: Black Jesus exists?!

Jason: Yeah, but I mean, I'm here-

Duke: No no no- Where does he live?

Jason: He lives down the street, but he's actually here right now.

Duke: *turns around* Black Jesus-?

Jefferson, in a wig: What's up?

[legbootlegit]

Trying hats on cigarettes with my brother last weekend

[meowdy-all]

Guys Kenny just took down the video what the fuck happened yall???

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

As requested, this scene/joke in its entirety. It's a hoot! Get it, Vinny!

[xxautumnivyxx]

Grammy Ivy is back. Sorry.