#colonic

[tawneybel]

Note: “can you do a n/sfw male reader for Ryan... the hot firefighter stripper, from Dead Island game 2?” Clean, despite mention of enema.  

Imagine Ryan indulging your fireman fantasy. 

“I’m surprised you were able to recognize me. You must not watch a lot of porn.”

Somehow it wasn’t immediately apparent that Ryan was a stripper. Slipped in and out of fun personas for a living. Like you. (The massive hotness should have been a giveaway.) Ryan wasn’t doing a good job of hiding the fact he recognized you, though. Not even in front of the others. They probably thought he was developing a crush. Unaware he had been crushing on you for a few years. 

You began to suspect as much in Emily Jaunt’s exercise room. Emily sat on a workout bench; you sat on a couch behind her. She stared at the floor, gun in hand, while you drank in Ryan’s unconscious body. Weaponless, you readied yourself to pull Emily back if he was infected and she lost her nerve. You wouldn’t blame her. 

Just as you were pondering whether the undead were smart enough to uncuff themselves, Ryan woke up. 

“Take these off,” he said, jigging his wrist. “My fever’s gone. I’m feeling human again.”

“They’re toy cuffs,” explained Emily, “just push the button.” 

Ryan did. Then noticed they weren’t alone. His eyes darted to you. And widened. 

Occasionally people recognized you in public. Now most of them were probably more interested in eating brain than giving it. This firefighter might be the last compatible man on earth. Hopefully not, but the interest was definitely mutual from the get go. Waiting for the bitee to wake up, you wanted to touch him so badly. Like how he’d wanted to touch you so badly since stumbling upon your OnlyFans. 

“So if you’re a firefighter,” you drawled, taking in his semi-nude form. “So if you’re a fireman… Does that make you, um, the authority?”

Ryan groaned from his seat on the bed. Half-naked and semi-erect, he’d do anything for you. Anything he’d seen you do in those videos. And more. That’s what he told you on the way to the guest bedroom, where you whipped out a handheld camera. He ditched his shirt outside the door and you unzipped his pants. You almost wanted him to leave them on, but that ass. Just get him to lower them, duh, you told your lust-addled brain. Then you had an idea. You always carried an enema-kit, for any impromptu shooting. Not just bulbs, but a tube that could dilate a hole up to three inches ad hoc. Then power wash the colon. And you’d never recorded a partner rinsing himself out for your cock. 

You initially wanted to ask Emily for another pair of handcuffs, then decided nah. You’d make your new boy do the work. 

“I’m sure your partners ask you to roleplay a lot, right?”

Flushed, Ryan nodded. You’d suspected he hadn’t so much as set foot in a fire station. Or a police station, because he hadn’t been able to tell they were toy cuffs. (Even if he had shown up to Emily’s impersonating a cop, you’d be the one conducting a cavity search.) Later, he’d mention he did have experience with handcuffs. It was just that, waking up, he hadn’t exactly been thinking clearly. 

“I’m not going to ask you to fireman carry me or anything… Unless you want to try it.”

It wasn’t like you could nestle a regular hose’s nozzle, let alone a fire hose, inside his tight ass. And Emily wouldn’t appreciate you utilizing her shower cord that way. For all you knew, that was her personal pleasurer. 

If Emily wasn’t already a mainstream actress, she’d make a great adult-

Ryan’s groan brought you back to reality. He needed something fit snugly inside that hole. Stat. His hands were already enticingly spreading his cheeks apart. 

“Yeah, a little wider,” you encouraged, zooming in, prompting Ryan to further splay his asshole. Frequent rewatches of your videos let him know it’d soon be spread to its limits. At least you had lube, from that kit you just happened to be carrying with your other stuff. Ryan would reflect on how happy he was you kept it in case of unexpected ass-fucking proposals. Post-apocalyptic ass-fucking proposals.

Note: Originally gonna be 2.5+ words, but I keep getting interrupted in the middle of smut writing. :/ So back to writing shorter images on my phone it is.

[penguins28]

the first pic is before the last one is after ik my stomach is big i’m clearly working on it. i’m kinda mad bc i only lost one pound literally but i got my mom to let me fix the scale that is in my downstairs bathroom so i’m gonna be weighing myself regularly so i’m happy. also it kinda feels like my stomach got flatter but wider???? wtf☹️ but 1 pound is better then 0 so yk also i’m bloated bc of my period plz ignore that

[thoughtportal]

The US Military in Hawaii

[words-and-coffee]

Alice Te Punga Somerville, Always Italicise: How to Write While Colonised - Kupu rere kē

[ID: A poem titled: Kupu rere kē. [in italics] My friend was advised to italicise all the foreign words in her poems. This advice came from a well-meaning woman with NZ poetry on her business card and an English accent in her mouth. I have been thinking about this advice. The convention of italicising words from other languages clarifies that some words are imported: it ensures readers can tell the difference between a foreign language and the language of home. I have been thinking about this advice. Marking the foreign words is also a kindness: every potential reader is reassured that although you're expected to understand the rest of the text, it's fine to consult a dictionary or native speaker for help with the italics. I have been thinking about this advice. Because I am a contrary person, at first I was outraged — but after a while I could see she had a point: when the foreign words are camouflaged in plain type you can forget how they came to be there, out of place, in the first place. I have been thinking about this advice and I have decided to follow it. Now all of my readers will be able to remember which words truly belong in -[end italics]- Aotearoa -[italics]- and which do not.

Next image is the futurama meme: to shreds you say...]

(Image ID by @bisexualshakespeare)

[ryanshultzy]

Why did it take me so long to learn what a colonic is? I thought it was a cocktail. Someone please take away my right to vote

[remindertoclick]

Hi everyone! Here's your Daily Reminder to Click for Palestine!

And if you can spare a dollar, donate to ANERA!

[battybiologist]

While I am happy that the Hague's ruling is leaning towards a condemnation of Israel, we can't relent in our efforts.

Not only because this is merely a preliminary ruling, but because the ICJ does not have executive power over the Israeli occupation. The IDF is free to violate their ruling at any time, at the cost of being deemed international criminals, which has never stopped them before.

Moreover, even if the Israeli government complied, the legal outcome alone is a return to the status quo. Gaza was under siege long before 2023, and the apartheid still stands.

I am not trying to discourage you: this is an unprecedented amount of support behind Pro-Palestinian advocacy, and we now have to decide if we'll use this opportunity to work towards the end of Israeli occupation of Palestine, or walk away from the issue now that the genocide is reeled back in.

So if you're tired, if you're drained, please, let this small victory embolden you and let's double our efforts.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

[paradise-restored]

Who’s gotten a colonic? What are your experiences?

[kvtnisseverdeen]

Where is the International protection the Palestinian people is entitled to when the occupying power violates international law and harms those it is obliged to protect. Aren't Palestinians lives worth saving?

-Riyad Mansour (Palestinian representative to the UN)

[palestinegenocide]

GLOBAL STRIKE ON APRIL 15

"The terrorist Israeli occupation, after half a year, is still insisting on entering Rafah, which is the last city that still contains most of the population of the Gaza Strip.

80% of the Gaza Strip is destroyed and suffers from continuous military invasions, the movement of the Israeli army, besieging hospitals, commit massacres, destroy and blow up residential neighborhoods. And besieging the population and starving them.

The terrorist occupation is committing these crimes in front of the world, and is trying to have more time to destroy the hopes of the displaced to return and kill them with hunger and disease, and make the world get used to what is happening in Gaza and reduce media coverage and solidarity with Palestine, in addition to causing more destruction and strengthening the presence of the Israeli terrorists in Gaza in preparation for stealing the land.

Be smarter than them, and do not leave us to be killed and forgotten. *April 15 is a day of global strike*.. No schools, no movement, no work, no electronic payment, no gas stations. Make more noise and disturb the peace of terrorist politicians in America and IsraHell.

In the picture, me after half a year of documenting the genocide and surviving it daily without being sure of surviving the next day, and I will not stop until this genocide ends and I sit in the middle of my city feeling safe while I help my people rebuild Gaza."

Here's what to do:

Don't go to school or work (if you can)

Protest (if you can)

Do not shop anywhere

Do not use your credit card or use any money

Wear green, red, white and black clothes to show solidarity. Wear a badge, a keffiyeh, or anything that signifies your solidarity

Boost posts about Palestine, flood the media

Boycott!

[n8v-woodland-wolf]

Love is in the air 🖤🗡💀

[mysharona1987]

US literally is a teaching guide for war crimes.

[troythecatfish]

[hussyknee]

[remindertoclick]

Your reminder to Click for Palestine today!

And/or donate directly to the UNRWA if you have the means!

[juney-blues]

when you're part of a group with structural power over another goup, you really do gotta just learn to say "i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant" whenever someone expresses frustration with you or people like you.