#clusters are like specific pds that share symptoms

[clothesfromthesoupstore]

fun fact about personality disorders: technically there’s only one

[violentviolette]

something i see happen a lot when people are working through self dx and even sometimes with professional dx for comorbidity, is the lack of understanding that once a symptom is covered under a specific disorder, it does not then cross apply to another

which is confusing so let me explain. lets say u have bipolar disorder and u know this for sure, but u also have other things going on and are trying to figure out what else u might have. when u start to consider other disorders, all the symptoms that are "covered" under the bipolar diagnosis should now be off the table so to speak. they should not be counted towards another diagnosis

meaning, they have a place u know they come from already, so they dont need a further explination. for example, both bipolar disorder and bpd have multiple overlapping symptoms as well as unique symptoms they dont share. if ur going through those lists of symptoms, and the only bpd symptoms u expierence are ones that are also bipolar symptoms, then u probably dont have bpd

mood swings for example in this scenario should not count towards a bpd diagnosis, because u already have a disorder that accounts for that symptom. lots of disorders have the same or similar symptoms because humans are incredibly varied and nuanced and some things are more common and present across the board then others. but that doesnt mean that just because u have a symptom, means u have every disorder where that symptom presents

i see this a lot with cluster b pds, and especially with people thinking they have 3+ cluster b pds. they will see that all 4 disorders contain things like impulsivity, executive dysfuntion, empathy dysfunction, cptsd symptoms ect. and think that means that they qualify for all of the disorders because they have these symptoms that are shared by all of them. but that really is not how diagnostic criteria works. those symptoms only count the once towards the 1 disorder. after those, u have to look at the other symptoms that are not shared, and see which of those u qualify for.

this stuff is very difficult and can be very confusing which is why it takes a long time and lots of research and introspection to really understand fully what u might have. and also why so many people end up misdiagnoised (both professionally and selfdx) at one point or another but i hope this was maybe helpful in that process

[neopronouns]

I’m asking this as an autistic person but why are low empathy and low compassion considered fine? Empathy and compassion mean just.. caring about things. Why are we saying that not caring about anyone or anything is normal? I experience empathy/mild hyperempathy and don’t understand how someone wouldn’t feel that way. Someone who doesn’t have empathy or compassion sounds like an asshole. Like how is that a symptom of a mental disorder/disability? That’s just a basic emotion? I don’t mean to sound rude but I’m seeing a lot of people get absolutely dragged for saying things as basic as ‘having empathy is good’ and I don’t get it.

first off, empathy and compassion are not simply 'caring about things'. let's compare sympathy, empathy, and compassion, three terms that are often confused with one another:

sympathy: feelings of pity for another person's misfortune

empathy: the ability to understand and share another person's feelings

compassion: similar to sympathy, but additionally implies that one has a desire to help the person they feel pity for

these are often linked (especially compassion, as it often follows empathy or sympathy) but are distinct. notably, none of them are just 'caring about things' and none of them are just 'a basic emotion'; these are specific reactions one has to situations they encounter, which can vary drastically based on a number of factors.

i'm going to primarily address low empathy after this, since low empathy is a recognized symptom of a number of disorders and it genuinely should be destigmatized.

empathy is literally experiencing the emotions one recognizes in another person. it's an uncontrollable, subconscious reaction to emotions the person picks up on around them. empathetic reactions can occur whether or not you care about another person, whether or not you know them personally, etc. essentially, empathy is 'being in a person's shoes' in the moment.

low empathy is a common symptom of a number of mental conditions. this is because many disorders affect how one navigates social interaction and interprets others' emotions. a person with low or no empathy can't simply choose to care about a person's feelings and suddenly experience empathy; they genuinely do not have the ability to feel what another person is feeling for whatever reason.

here are some neurodivergencies that can cause low empathy and how:

autism: autism causes social deficits, notably including the ability to read another person's body language. if an autistic person can't read a person's body language, that makes it much harder to figure out what emotions they're feeling at a given time, which is necessary to experience empathy.

cluster b personality disorders (aspd, bpd, hpd, npd): cluster b disorders often cause dysfunctional patterns of social behavior. these pds often affect one's self-image or ego and cause emotional disturbances, which both make it much harder to understand what another person is feeling and, in turn, feel those feelings.

trauma: any trauma-related disorder can cause low empathy. ptsd/cptsd, personality disorders, dissociative disorders, and more can affect one's empathy. trauma can, for example, cause a person to become highly focused on their own wellbeing in order to survive, which may result in a lack of empathy in typical social interaction. trauma can also cause high empathy (it seems trauma generally affects empathy for a lot of people).

alexithymia: alexithymia is the term for struggling to recognize and express emotions. this includes both one's own emotions and the emotions of those around them. alexithymia is a very common symptom of various disorders, especially neurodevelopmental disorders. according to current research, over half of all autistic people experience alexithymia, which just adds to the number of low/no empathy autistics.

traumatic brain injury: injuries to the parts of the brain that handle empathy, emotion, and social interaction can cause low empathy

as you can see, low empathy is much more common that one might assume. this is why people are criticized for implying that having low empathy is bad; low empathy is uncontrollable and a symptom of many disorders, which makes these statements either inherently or overtly ableist.

having low empathy doesn't automatically make you an asshole. your actions matter more than your internal experience; a person with low empathy may not be able to take on another person's feelings, but they can still help them in some way. it's the same for people with high empathy — experiencing another person's emotions along with them doesn't necessarily mean that you will be kind to them or offer them assistance.

importantly, a person with low/no empathy can still care about others or take actions that indicate care. you can experience sympathy and compassion without experiencing empathy (though you don't have to experience those, either, to be a good person). you don't have to be able to experience or understand another person's emotions to recognize that they're struggling.

this is a long post, sorry, but it's an important issue. being ableist is never okay, no matter how unpalatable you find the symptom.

[cluster-b-culture-is]

hey!!! if its ok i’d like you’re thoughts on something ig and to sorta ask you something

so im bodily 15 atm, and i have cptsd. when i look at posts regarding certain cluster b experiences (possibly some cluster c aswell) i relate a LOT (obviously im not saying that bc i relate that i have these disorders, i just kinda have a feeling that *something* is going on). its tricky bc i keep looking into things and i cant really find an answer. i also dont know if im too young and that its just because im a teenager.

i wont get into like what “symptoms” i experience rn bc i feel like thats a whole other conversation but yeah.

i hope i dont sound like one of those people that are like “i must have x bc i related to a silly video i saw” im just really confused and i feel like something aint right

i know you’re probably not professionals so feel free to delete or ignore this if its too much, but if not, what do you think?

So, here's the thing (and we will attempt to avoid being patronizing): It is absolutely correct that your age and emotional/psychological development can affect things, and that the process of development can cause things that look like mild symptoms. It's also correct that that combined with c-ptsd (and any other disorders you may have; you'd be surprised how many symptoms and comorbidities autism, ADHD, NPD, and BPD all share) can make it extremely hard to determine where your symptoms are coming from and whether there might be something more.

(You're also correct that we are not professionals; this is all coming from our own research and personal experiences, so as with everything, take this with a grain of salt.)

However. I would argue that it would be far more harmful to deny any possibility of having a personality disorder until you reach some arbitrary age threshold than it would be to say that you do have a PD. Especially if looking at your life experiences through the lens of having a PD is helpful, and if resources for pw/[x]PDs are helpful to you. Even if you don't end up having a PD, that doesn't mean you were just a hormonal stupid teenager refusing to listen to the Adults™ or whatever the fuck--it means that you looked at your experiences, found something that seemed similar, and it turned out that you were wrong; but hopefully, along the way, you found things that were helpful.

Under the assumption that you have done a lot of research, I would personally recommend saying that you have traits of a particular disorder as opposed to saying you have the full disorder, and that is to two ends: one, a lot of adults with PDs (especially in ASPD spaces, if that's one of the disorders you're looking at) will kick your shit to hell and back if you even insinuate that you think you may have the full disorder (which I think is extremely counterintuitive if we want teenagers to understand their experiences and, yknow, not develop a full-blown personality disorder, regardless of whether you think teenagers can have a full personality disorder); and two, it might help you target the specific symptoms that you're experiencing without saddling you with the belief[/knowledge] that you have an incredibly stigmatized and lifelong disorder.

A lot of this stuff depends on a few things: (A) what your symptoms are (and if they can be better explained by other things, especially other things you know you have); (B) how severe your symptoms are (like the difference between being generally grouchy versus being actively hostile); and (C) how long your symptoms have lasted (if they only started popping up in the past few months or the past year versus if you've had them for years and years).

If you end up not having a personality disorder, anon, I think it will still be better for you in the long run to explore the possibility instead of shrugging it off under the excuse that you're "too young". It could turn out that you never had the disorder and it really was something else, it could turn out that you have traits but not the full disorder, or, hell, it could turn out that, by using resources and support you found by being part of communities surrounding PDs, you ended up not developing the full PD (even if you may still have a few traits)--because, at this age, you are still developing, and you are changing a lot, and very little is set in stone when it comes to these types of things--and you should absolutely take advantage of that! And even then, speaking from a more selfish perspective, it will never be a bad thing for more people to understand what it may be like to have a personality disorder.

For a bit of actionable advice on determining whether or not you may have one, though:

(1) Do your research. Obviously it's great that you're getting information from people with the disorders themselves by looking at PD communities; however, not everything having to do with the disorder will be talked about, and quite honestly, Tumblr is a terrible place to find definitive information on the PDs. Life experience? Yes. Actual information looking at how the disorders work and what they can entail in full? Ehhh, not quite. Look at a variety of academic sources, but in the same vein, keep your wits about you--professionals aren't immune to ableism, and may often perpetuate it with glee. Some of it may be obvious, some of it might not be.

(2) Keep an eye on your symptoms--make a manual check against the actual criteria every once in a while (but keep in mind that the DSM is also deeply flawed and biased); @shitborderlinesdo has a ton of checklists based on the DSM and individual testimony that can help. We first started questioning ASPD when we were 14, and we'd do those kinds of manual checks once every several months or once a year or so. It both helps you understand what your symptoms are, and helps you keep track of how you're doing over time. Don't use online quizzes for this; quite honestly, they're not really good for anything except validation if you know you'll get a high score.

(3) Look at stuff other than personality disorders, too, and try to figure out why your interest skews towards specific disorders. For a long ass time, we believed we had StPD and did our absolute best to ignore any information to the contrary, because (due to our symptoms) if it wasn't StPD, the only thing it could be otherwise was schizophrenia, and we were scared shitless of the idea; at first because we were scared of the idea that our symptoms might've been so severe, but eventually because we were afraid to admit that we were wrong. (As I've said before, no shame in being wrong--do as I say, not as I do.)

Ultimately, I can't stop you from doing anything, and I can't force you to do anything either. I'm just a mentally ill guy with an internet connection. My life experiences have led me to this conclusion, and others may disagree with it--that's perfectly fine. Again, I am not a professional. You know yourself and your experiences the best, and I think by this point, you have enough understanding of yourself and the world to be able to figure out what'll be best for you and your health, given that you have the proper resources to do so. You are a being with life experience, even if it's less than others may have; you aren't a rock, and you aren't a three year old who still hasn't realized that touching the lit stove will equal a burned finger. I personally think that the way a lot of folks go about talking to and about teenagers who think they may have personality disorders is, frankly, infantilizing and invalidating, and it just ends up with traumatized and unsupported teenagers turning into traumatized and unsupported adults, with the added bonus of an extra helping of imposter syndrome to top it all off.

I hope you're doing well anon, and I hope you see this (sorry for responding so late lmao). Off into the world ye may go, hopefully with a bit more knowledge and idea of what to do next than you had before.

[zootzbootz]

I was in Plural Nest a few years ago, deleted my Discord account, and never looked back or thought to rejoin. Already knew it was a cesspool but recently more stuff has been coming up? What happened to it

Oh boy. okay. quite a lot. I'm only going to stick to footnotes in this answer, really- as if I ever really talk about all the shit they've done, I'd want it to be within it's own allotted post.

ranging in severity,

• the PN server first of all has an incredibly cliquey environment where users who aren't part of the "in crowd" are regularly ignored

• there is minimal modding, as most staff are hardly actually active 90% of the time.

• staff are incredibly ableist and harsh toward those with cluster b PDs (our n/hpd symptoms essentially being part of what landed us being banned. without warning, I might add)

• to the staff constantly promoting an incredibly disgusting and very harmful book (the body keeps score?, I believe.) we have reblogged a post someone else made about this subject specifically if you'd like more information on that I'd recommend giving that a look.

overall, it is indeed a massive cesspool and they definitely need to be humbled, to say the least.

I would definitely be interested in knowing what your experience was like, as well. if it's anything you feel comfortable sharing.

[beelzebubsbois]

Welcome to The Mortuary

Adding this because it's become more important as we've used this blog more. If we don't like you, we're gonna block you. Doesn't matter if you don't think you did anything or haven't even interacted with you. If we don't like your vibe or something, you're getting blocked. Deal with it, we don't owe you interaction, much less friendship.

ED ACCOUNTS AND SH ACCOUNTS DNI. IM SICK OF SAYING IT.

We are a medically recognized DID system of ~200 members (recognized by therapist and psychologist yippee!)

Currently, we have no set host, but people will identify themselves post by post.

Our collective names are Richie or Michael and our pronouns are He/They/Xe (Unless stated otherwise on specific posts, refer to us by those. No exceptions. Not even if you think we're close because I guarentee we are not.) We are bodily white and ethnically and religiously Jewish, and we are currently dating our wonderful partner, the BlueStarSystem

Main fronter names and info!!!

- Robbie // 🪲 // He/Him // TH and Symptom Holder

- Max // 💣 // They/He // Symptom holder/Protector

- Azazel // {txt} // None // Prosecutor/TH

- Barnaby // 🧦 // He/They // Caretaker, Gatekeeper

- Leland // ♟️ // He/Him // Protector and Symptom Holder // @leland-needful <- Leland's Blog

- Opal // 🤍 // They/She // TH

- Frank // 🦋 // They/Them // Symptom holder

- Orpheus // 🪽 // They/He/Xe/Sin // Prosecutor

We are going to make DID related content (experiences, memes, that stuff) on a hopefully regular basis.

We're here to share our opinions and our experiences through time, not just about system problems but about our interests too.

Our main interests at the moment include: South Park, Entomology (insects), Welcome Home, Mycology (Fungus), Spiderman, Archeology, Stardew Valley, Osteology (Bones), Animal Crossing, Music theory, FNAF, Metal Family, Malevolent, and The Magnus Archives!

(I know that's a lot for saying our main interests but we really do like a lot of things and we would love to share them with all those that would like to listen and share in our joy of them!!)

DNI:

• Endos/Non-traumagenic systems

• Pro/Comshippers

• people that slander PDs. Specifically, cluster B, we ourselves have ASPD and BPD, so we will not tolerate that shit.

• Zoophiles

• Loli/Shotacon

• MAPS/Pedos

• If you're gonna fetishize our fictives, they're all fairly open about their sources and sometimes will include them in sign-offs or Source-based posts.

• NSFW/kink accounts

•SH/pro-ana/ eating disorder accounts (literally go fuck yourself, the shit we had to go through that almost killed us isn't an aesthetic or a fucking good thing.)

(Surely there is more to be added, but we will worry about that later)

~{Azazel}

[imagoodone-iswear]

how do you feel is a responsible way to self-diagnose a cluster b pd?

i've suspected for 5+ years that i have one but i've had people really get in my head about self diagnosis. ive done my research, my mental healthcare team knows i have these symptoms, and i fit the symptoms of bpd much better than my current diagnosis of bipolar disorder. it's just tough to ask to be screened for a specific condition because in the past i've just been dismissed and marked as drug seeking.

like. idk. i feel like i know enough about myself and the disorder, but i still don't feel like i have the right to say i have it. what're your thoughts?

wow i never get asked stuff but here goes nothing i guess. apologies if it might be a bit out of order, im currently going through stuff but still wanted to answer this.

so first off its not uncommon for bpd to be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder since both share similarities and some mental health professionals tend not to know a ton about personality disorders in general so it is less likely to be considered.

second off, if you self diagnose or want to do that then its very important to factor in research, new information, causation of personality disorders and your own self-perspective of what you think your symptoms are which you seem to have given thought to everything.

next off i would suggest writing down what you can perceive about your symptoms, keep a journal about what you say you experience and what symptoms you have and how frequent these things come up. for example how frequent your mood changes which is a common symptom for bpd. if you have a therapist or other mental health professionals i'd suggest showing them the journal and discussing what you found and how it affects you. i also get not wanting to feel like you're asking for a diagnosis but in this case you can just try bringing up your findings and perspective and then suggest what you think is going on. that could potentially straighten the way for a medical diagnosis if you want one.

its also important to keep an open mind. it will only take more time to find the right treatment if you start to get tunnel vision for one disorder only. try to think about what else could be causing these symptoms and if there might not be something else that could cause similar things if not a combination of disorders that could cause it to show up like bpd.

also seeking out experiences from people who have the disorder can help too because it gives you a chance to compare your own symptoms and see if what they experience could potentially fit to your own experience.

either way, certainty most often comes with time especially with self-diagnosis and there is nothing wrong if you later acknowledge a mistake or you find out that its not what you thought after all. these things are usually rather complex and take a lot of thought. this shouldnt be a whim of the moment decision. just try to keep an open mind about things and remember that its ok to make mistakes.

i hope i helped.

[livingzomboy]

i think that there probably is for like every disorder , but paychiatry groups mental illnesses into a few presentations, and then into a few clusters, etc, psychiatrists love to simplify but we are vast creatures even where we are similar

I think you could probably make a presentation for NPD based on shared symptoms, thinking patterns, shared symptoms from other cluster Bs, so on so forth and i think that those of us with any PD would benefit from specificity

sorry to rant in your reblogs but the idea intruigued me

i had a dream last night that there was a video called "every type of narcissist IN ORDER" and there were 136 different types of narcissists

[bpdeadd]

w the whole pro dx vs self dx thing - n u can unfollow me if u want I don’t rly give a shit - I'm am lit pro - self dx, I self diagnosed myself w bpd before I got a diagnosis from an actual professional - not that I got any proper help for it tho anyways after, but it took so damn long to get a diagnosis n even longer for me to be referred in the first place - I had to fucking beg my gp 5 or 6 times, n even tried fucking crying to make her ‘pity’ me n to refer me to a psychiatrist/professional anyways bc she was just fucking smiling like a twat n telling me to ‘exercise’ n do ‘yoga’ n not taking me fucking seriously at all, getting a professional diagnosis for a disorder is a difficult fucking thing, and unless u have the resources, access and money and time it can be rly difficult to even get a diagnosis in the first damn place, plus what? just bc u haven’t been diagnosed professionally u don’t have a specific disorder? like there are actually ppl who fucking spend time researching into it - as much as they can, like ffs I've self diagnosed myself w adhd - after researching about it, reading articles, watching many videos about it - and listening/reading experiences from ppl w actual adhd, and reading through my old school reports, n the fucking therapist I'm seeing atm asked me if I wanted a diagnosis but the waiting list for it is like 2 years long or some shit so yh, idk if I even want to wait 2 years to just be told I may not have it bc of my bpd diagnosis n then just saying its that, ppl don’t fucking make it easy to get a diagnosis in the first damn place anyways, n even those who may think they have stigmatised disorders (such as cluster b pds) the professional may not even want to diagnose them in the first place? plus there's barely much help for us anyway?? like I've spent about 5 years since my bpd diagnosis trying to find some fucking support/help/therapy, I am lit getting nowhere n am always just fucking left on my own to just ‘deal’ with it, n like I've signed up for possibly schema therapy which I'll get put on the waiting list for after my sessions w this person ends, n even then idk how long that’ll be? bc the guy said it could be 18 months, like I ain’t got fucking time to wait around anymore for some damn help, which I may not even fucking get anyway, like nothing may work, so self diagnosis atm can atleast help u recognise yr symptoms n try to find the best way to help yourself w/o trying to jump from therapist to therapist who may or may not help u - like I've done my own research n have helped myself more over the last 6 months then any therapist has done for me over the last 5 years, obv I still have a lot of shit to work on n nw hav fucking c-ptsd from some recent fucking trauma (which also I'm not getting help for lol) 

like I think as long as u spend time researching n maybe listening to other peoples experiences with a certain disorder/s u feel u may have, self dx can be a rly useful tool for anyone who may be concerned about certain stigma about certain disorders they feel they may have, or who may not be able to have access to therapy/getting a diagnosis, may not have the money, nor the time, or even be in a situation where diagnosis is not a possibility atm, n also to those under the age of 18 who may think they may hav a pd, def look into it but mostly focus on the symptoms u experience rather then the actual disorder itself n try various ways on how to help yourself w that n managing those symptoms, plus also read about other disorders that have similar symptoms bc a lot of disorders share a ton of symptoms. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[senkrechter]

you dont have to answer this but i think i may have bpd, npd, and szpd. but im really unsure, is it even possible to have the 3 together??

like, i want to spend time with people, i have friends, i like the IDEA of spending time with people, but as soon as i call someone im just... bored? if i feel anything it goes away in a flash, and the feeling is usually pretty strong, especially when it's closer to the time where my meds start wearing off. i hate spending time with people irl because it adds an extra layer of exhaustion since i have to express my emotion on my face more. i wanna be well-known because then i could get loads of attention and admiration for my art but i absolutely don't want it either because i value my privacy wayyy too much. and like, i'm (almost) always on call with my partner and i really miss them when they're away and i constantly fear abandonment from them but they're the only person who really makes me feel that to an extreme? and when i'm alone i want to be with other people but when i'm with other people all i want is to be alone. idk that's not everything but this is getting long enough ahah. my mind is simply always at odds with itself and it frustrates me not to know why it's happening. i'm not diagnosed with any of these but i am diagnosed with adhd? but i've done as much research as i can on bpd, npd, and szpd.

sorry for troubling you, you don't have to answer this if you don't want. have a good day!

I don’t mind answering asks at all, you are not troubling me in the slightest, sorry it took me about three days to reply to this, I haven’t had the energy to log in the tumblr in a while. I will be honest with you and outright say that I don’t know enough about BPD or NPD enough to tell you whether you can have both at the same time, or whether you have them at all. And of course I can’t accurate say whether you have SZPD either, since the only thing I know about you is just a paragraph. I don’t know all of the things you feel, and I am not a professional, so just take these as my personal opinion and thoughts based on just the things you’ve told me here. Not gospel or fact! From my point of view, the things you describe aren’t very related to SZPD. Just as any personality disorder is, SZPD is severe, with a variety of symptoms, and I’d say the feeling of wanting to be around people, but then feeling tired when you are, wanting to be popular but not wanting to sacrifice your privacy etc. are very common introverted traits, rather than a relation to a specific personality disorder. Not to say these traits don’t make things hard for you at times, but you must be careful before assigning an entire personality disorder to them, since there’s so much more to SZPD than just these things. I am not the best at talking about my experiences, and feelings, so I will try to be more pragmatic and talk about the professional diagnostic criteria for SZPD more than that. Both the DSM-5 and ICD-10 share these criteria: 1. Taking little if any pleasure from activities. 2. Always, or almost always choosing and prefering solitary activities. 3. Indifference to criticisms or praise. 4. Little if any interest in sexual activity. 5. Emotional coldness, and detachment. The slight differences in the criteria are, ICD-10 has a couple extra, being, 1. Limited capacity in expressing emotions and feelings towards people, even anger. 2. Excessive fantasizing, and introspection. 3. This one similar to one of the DSM-5 criteria, except it includes not desiring, as well as not having close and personal relationships, or having just only one. (These are mostly out of memory, so if I forgot something or left it out, I’ll edit it if it comes to my head, or otherwise if someone sees this they can reblog with any correction.) Using only my common sense, to me it would not make a lot of sense for someone to have two cluster B PDs, known primarily (generalizing of course for ease of wording) for emotional volatility, common sensitivity to rejection and criticism, and among other things, as well as a cluster A PD that is commonly emotionally stagnant and apathetic most of the time. But then again, I am not a professional. Only real advice I can give you is to not overthink these things! Focus on the things you are feeling, the things you are thinking, try to recognize patterns in your behavior and do your best at figuring out how to handle the things that cause you the most grief. I know it may feel relieving to be able to assign a term or a label or a diagnosis to the things you feel and struggle with, but in this case, I personally don’t think SZPD is the right one.

[spaceshiptosolace]

Alternate Character Interpretations, Part 1: Blue Diamond “Stan”

I’ve noticed a good chunk of the fandom believes BD’s love and compassion toward PD to be pure and wholesome, in the sense that they had a healthy, mutual relationship.  Many would even go so far as to call their relationship (along with the other Diamonds’) as sisterly.  I don’t agree with this description, but I’m not posting to argue about labels per se; rather, I’d like to focus on the dynamic behind the relationship.  What if, instead of the generally accepted “mutual positive regard”, compassion, and empathy we assume for this relationship, it wasn’t actually reciprocated to the same degree?  In fact, I’m willing to interpret and suggest that BD possibly had an obsession with PD that the Diamonds failed to address while PD was alive.  Who knows, maybe PD even indulged in having BD fawn over her; maybe the Diamonds didn’t care.  As radical and bizarre as this may seem, I will present every instance I can recall that influenced my conclusion.

Steven’s Dream

First, I’d like to mention Steven’s Dream, because it is the first episode where we see BD in person.  We find out that she’s been mourning PD’s shattering, so much that she’s willing to risk endangering herself at the impending “emergence” of the Cluster.  She even addresses Pink’s Palanquin, as though it were the residence of her memory.  

“I'm surprised that a human being is capable of understanding how I feel. It's a shame. There's a geo-weapon incubating in your planet that will destroy everything shortly. But you don't deserve that, do you?”

She’s the only Diamond depicted doing this, though that alone is not entirely convincing.  The most striking thing (for me) is when Greg asks her if they (PD and BD) were close.

It’s not so much what she says as the way it is nuanced; I would describe it as unwavering with sultry overtones, unlike the rest of her speech.  I realize that not everyone may have seen it that way, and that it could just be the way the voice actress speaks, but I interpreted it as a deliberate change of tone, albeit a subtle one.  This is important because reminiscing about her relationship with PD evoked a sense of passion, i.e., strong feelings about the other Diamond.

We should also take into account that these are BD’s words from BD’s memories, and memory is notoriously flawed.  Our first instinct is to probably assume the feelings were mutual, but what if that wasn’t actually the case?  Consider this: if Greg were to ask Spongebob the same question about his relationship with Squidward, how do you think he’d respond?  For those who aren’t familiar with Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob thinks of Squidward as one of his best friends; Squidward would tell you otherwise. 

I don’t mean to imply PD hated BD, or anything close to that; rather, BD might’ve loved PD in a way that PD couldn’t reciprocate.  It wouldn’t be the first “complicated” relationship between two gems who cared for each other:

At the conclusion of the conversation with Greg, BD mentions preserving PD’s legacy, and kidnaps Greg in an act that she thinks will benefit them both, by bringing him to the Zoo.

“You know, I really shouldn't be here. But I'm glad I came back one last time. I can save one last piece of her legacy.”

To me, this suggests Blue Diamond’s primary motive for “saving” Greg was not for his benefit, but to appease her preoccupation with the late Pink Diamond. Speaking of the Zoo:

That Will Be All

In this episode arc, the CGs visit PD’s Zoo to get Greg back, only to find out the Diamonds are also there.  Of course, BD is the first to arrive, and enters a chamber filled with a bunch of bubbled Rose Quartzes.  When Yellow enters, you can tell by her tone that she does not approve of BD’s five thousand years of mourning:

“Please tell me you’re joking. You only just left, and you’re already back?  I’m here to bring you back to reality Blue… I thought we agreed we need to put that planet and this whole debacle behind us… You can't keep coming here forever!”

Although YD is shown to also care about and miss PD

I want to emphasize YD’s attitude toward BD’s mourning; it suggests that being depressed and preserving her belongings is highly unusual, not to mention counterproductive to Homeworld’s utilitarian dogma.  BD’s depression not only left her forlorn enough to shirk responsibility (of being a leader), but has also led to an unhealthy fixation, which is perceived as an abnormal response over such a long period of time.

Now, about PD’s belongings (the RQs, the Zoo, and to some extent Earth): “Preserving” someone’s possessions after they die isn’t unheard of for humans, but these are Gems we’re talking about.

The setup looks an awful lot like a shrine or altar, dedicated to a loved one.  She’s even shown to enter in her typical meek fashion, obscured by a dark cloak; when she finally kneels before the “shrine”, she even has her hands clasped together, as though in prayer.  Rather than being coincidental, I think these motifs are meant to allude to the dynamic between PD and BD.  Notice how I chose the word shrine as opposed to altar.  This is because “shrine” is also used to describe a place where one worships or venerates a supreme being, such as a deity or saint.  The Diamonds are certainly held in high regard by their subjects, given the rigid caste system.  In the same episode, we hear groveling preceding “my Diamond”, as well as the title “your clarity”, suggesting who goes where in the pecking order.  However, BD and PD were on essentially the same level, both being Diamonds; it is possible Homeworld views such devotion as peculiar. 

The other thing I thought when I saw this scene was this:

For reference, the Hey Arnold! character shown here, Helga Pataki, had an obsessive, almost-stalker crush on the titular character.  She was too proud to admit it, so she reconciled by creating a shrine to him in her closet.  What I want to emphasize here is the acute fixation she had for Arnold; fixations don’t have to necessarily be romantic in nature though. I think the most compelling support stems from the fact that we have not seen the other two remaining Diamonds doing this, especially Yellow, who tries to act rationally and pragmatically, disapproving of said behavior.

Let’s also take a look at the ramifications of the belongings under preservation. Literally hundreds of bubbled Rose Quartzes are floating above the sitting area/”altar”.  In this state, they are harmless, but to YD, they are a painful and insulting reminder of PD’s shattering.

“It's been thousands of years, Blue, and you still can't bring yourself to destroy these Gems? She was shattered by a Rose Quartz! The entire cut of Gem deserves the same fate!” “But they were hers.”

Technically, they all couldn’t have shattered Pink, and it’s likely they were bubbled even before the shattering occurred, but keeping them around is almost ironic.  Blue is basically keeping the murder weapon(s), source of Pink’s demise around simply because it was hers and she made it(them).  And then there’s the Human Zoo, where this is all taking place.  Based on BD’s reaction to Greg, and her mannerisms later in the episode, Blue doesn’t actually bother to interact or entertain herself with PD’s former subjects or the Zumans on this vessel.  I’m assuming PD created the Zoo because she found humans to be among the most fascinating organic creatures on Earth; BD, however, does not seem to share or appreciate this interest.  PD’s quartz soldiers were appointed as caretakers of the facility.  Again, she’s practically hoarding this stuff because she can’t move on.  For her it’s easier to go to the Zoo and wallow in grief.  Did I mention she does this at the expense of her job as a leader?  At the very least, her listlessness is a symptom of a cognitive impairment, like a mood disorder.

Further, I’d like to take into consideration her volatile mood shifts in the presence of Holly Blue, Ruby, and Sapphire.  At first she’s gloomy; YD tries to cheer her up, but ends up almost breaking down at the end of her song.  However, when they are interrupted, both become far more stern and skeptical of their subjects.  

When Sapphire plays it in a way that mentions humans for PD’s Zoo, BD returns to her melancholic state.

This suggests that BD’s despondency is based entirely on the thought/mention of PD.  It’s as though there is some unseen, beguiling force that draws BD to the Zoo and PD’s Palanquin, to merely make her miserable.  She needs to stay away and move on, but she can’t, and I think it has something to do with a “toxic” or debilitating state of mind.

The Trial

Here we see a better glimpse of Blue Diamond’s diplomatic nature, while still succumbing to sorrow at the mention of Pink Diamond.  Again, Yellow and Blue have different ideas of (barely) coping with the loss of someone close to them.  YD thinks the most appropriate course of action is to shatter RQ without a trial, but BD is willing to listen to reason.  I’d chalk this up to her intrinsic diplomacy, and has the added benefit of confirming the circumstances surrounding the shattering.  I will say that the power dynamic between YD and BD is interesting, since they seem to disagree every time they’ve been on screen together.  YD has been shown to be rather obstinate with others who disagree with her, but she seems to oblige BD.  I think this is, in part, due to rationalizing that presenting a seemingly united front to their subordinates reinforces their authority and righteousness.  Despite having one foot out the door, she doesn’t protest when BD indicates that she’s ready to dole out a harsh punishment:

“No. I want to hear her make her case. I want to know what she thinks we're going to do with her. Because I want to do something worse.”

I don’t want to dwell on YD’s actions here, so I’ll try to focus from BD’s perspective.  When Blue hears RQ(Steven’s) confession, she wants to hear more, specifically, how. In fact, she presses him, but unfortunately Steven is unprepared.  Not actually aware of the specific events, he tried to reason how it might have happened; part of his testimony includes mentioning the breaking point.  We soon find out that the Diamonds have some sort of official report that does not align with Steven’s recount, but the most damning thing he mentioned was the weapon.

“IT WAS A SWORD!”

We know from the episode “Bismuth” that the CG in question crafted RQ’s trademark sword to cut through the physical form, but not the gem (see linked transcript), so it makes sense Steven would not suggest a sword.  Regardless, Blue Diamond is offended and upset by his assertion, so much that she bursts into tears, affecting every gem present.  If she wanted to hear Steven out, why this response?  I think her bias toward Pink has hindered her judgment, so her diplomatic demeanor isn’t what it was before (when?  Before Ruby and Sapphire fused?  Before the Rebellion?).  She’s also a chest gem, like YD and Amethyst, the latter of which was described by the SU art book as “impulsive”.  Her impulses get the better of her again when the defense Zircon describes how PD was attacked.  However, she continues to take an active role during the Trial, and to YD’s chagrin, is riveted by the defense Zircon’s argument.  At the shocking conclusion, BD gasps, while YD chooses to vent by destabilizing both Zircons.  Of course, an argument between the Diamonds ensues.  Yellow really wants to shatter “Rose” and be done with this nonsense, while Blue insists it isn’t.

“Can’t you restrain yourself?!”

Blue Diamond is certainly suspicious now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if, in future episodes, she reopens investigation.  Her interest in the matter speaks volumes about her relationship with the other Diamonds, in that while YD didn’t want to entertain the thought of another Diamond being involved, BD found it plausible.  Doesn’t mean a Diamond was involved, but I have a feeling BD does not trust YD or WD the way she did PD.  Maybe this seed of doubt will lead to intra-Authority conflict, or maybe not.  Maybe, BD is so consumed by her grief and vengeance for PD, that what was once an amicable relationship between BD and YD (or WD), will now resemble one of frenemies (i.e., beings who appear amicable for the sake of formality, when in reality they don’t actually get along).  Of course we can’t know this until the Diamonds return, and even then, Steven’s perspective limits what we are able to experience in relation to the Diamonds.

Off Colors/Lars’ Head

I’d like to point out something in series about the Homeworld Kindergartens.  Now, I certainly wasn’t the first one to figure out how to determine who the kindergartens belong(ed) to, but I will use this formula to suggest a reason for BD being closer to be PD than she was to the other Diamonds.  The first kindergarten that we encounter has an Era 1 Authority Symbol with the right diamond lined, which is the position where Blue’s diamond was located.

Shortly afterward, we see a different section of kindergarten, this time with the bottom diamond underlined to represent Pink.

I speculate that it was more than just a coincidence that these two Diamonds’ kindergartens were depicted in this way, and that it was meant to imply the type of relationship, or origins of PD and BD’s relationship.  I think PD and BD at the very least worked closely together, though it is also possible that BD mentored PD.  Even if she wasn’t the youngest Diamond, PD only had one colony (and Earth’s moon), meaning she was the least experienced.  I cannot tell when these kindergartens were created, relative to each other, but in either case, BD would have gotten to know PD more intimately than YD or WD.  At some point, it could have escalated to an overwhelming desire to think about and be around PD.  

We know from The Answer that diplomats (BD’s domain) were sent to Earth early on to “investigate” the rebel situation.  This also means BD was involved with the anti-Rebellion efforts early on, so much so that she was even on Earth.  Currently, we have no evidence of YD (or WD) going to Earth, at least during the Rebellion, but this doesn’t mean that neither did.  I just thought that, unlike YD, BD’s ill will does not encompass the entirety of Earth, but rather the Crystal Gems, and anyone who aided them, even accidentally.  This was the case with Ruby’s first fusion with Sapphire, allowing Rose and Pearl to escape; BD saw it fit to punish Ruby by shattering, far more sympathetic toward PD than Ruby, who probably wasn’t even BD’s gem.  Was the punishment (at the time) justified, or was BD to distraught by PD’s situation to appropriately discipline Ruby?  The blame was more on Ruby than Sapphire, so maybe at the time anyone she didn’t already trust was automatically an outsider.

For these reasons, I’ve chosen to interpret that BD is obsessed with PD, in a way that resembles a stan.  Of course, the Crewniverse has made a lot of things about the gems and events pretty ambiguous, including the history and relationships between the Diamonds, so I cannot claim anything with complete certainty.  Although making Blue Diamond infatuated with Pink Diamond might seem peculiar, I believe it would draw important parallels between the CGs and the Diamonds.  As I mentioned earlier, this type of relationship has been explored before, namely the one between Rose and Pearl.  I am aware of theories comparing BD to Pearl, but they suggest that the dynamic between the remaining Diamonds and PD resembles that of their respective counterpart and Steven.  Steven has another form: Rose Quartz, and this is the form that “died”, to be reborn as Steven.  This is particularly relevant in BD’s case, since she, like Pearl, appears the most distraught over the passing of one of their own.  Anyway, I hope you appreciate my alternative analysis of the relationship between Blue and Pink Diamond.  I like to imagine that the Diamonds are more complex characters with complicated relations, rather than simply being “sisters” who care(d) for each other.  I also plan to write a theory on the type of personality PD might have been, though we have even less to go on than BD.

Additional Credits

SU Wiki: for transcripts, articles, and gallery images http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/Steven%27s_Dream/Gallery http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/Steven%27s_Dream/Transcript http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/The_Answer/Transcript http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/The_Trial

Encyclopedia SpongeBobia (Spongebob Wiki): Spongebob-Squidward image http://spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/File:Bandicam_2017-08-12_12-35-39-084.jpg

Hey Arnold! Wiki: Helga Pataki’s Shrine http://heyarnold.wikia.com/wiki/File:Tumblr_onuqn91JW61t9s97zo5_500.png

Assorted articles throughout, shown as links

[wolf-skins]

Hey, I was wondering if you could tell me what bpd is exactly... I saw you posted about it once and I... idk I kinda related but I don't wanna just grab something offline and slap the label onto me when I don't know what it is and I was hoping if you could explain it? If not that's totally okay cause I wouldn't wanna impose or anything

Hey! It’s no problem.

A lot of people find various symptoms or experiences with BPD relatable. This is because a lot of experiences people who have BPD go through comes from trauma, plus BPD has a lot of fluctuating mood things which can be easily relatable to anyone who has a mood disorder. It’s actually something a lot of people in the BPD community get upset about, when their BPD posts are high-jacked by neurotypicals who go: “I don’t have BPD, but…” A lot of neurodivergent people could relate on some level too.

Keep in mind, too, that BPD is a personality disorder (PD). People with PDs tend to have similarities to them, especially if they share a “cluster”. (PDs are categorized in cluster A, cluster B, and cluster C, each cluster containing PDs with similarities). I just want to clear that up first, because exploring mental illness is always going to be complicated as heck! There are so many overlapping things, and everyone responds to different things in their life or traumas in different ways, so that could also have an affect. I cannot stress enough on doing excessive research.

BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. It’s also sometimes called “emotionally unstable personality disorder”. The biggest, common symptoms of BPD are: extreme emotional imbalance (to quote someone with it, it’s like all of our nerves are exposed, and every little touch causes an extreme reaction - this meaning that the very tiniest thing can set our extreme emotions off, and our emotions completely overwhelm us until we can’t focus on anything else), extreme abandonment issues (real or imagined), splitting (black and white thinking; something is all good or all bad, no in-betweens), identity disturbance, and impulsiveness. You can read the basics about it here. 

BPD consists of a number of symptoms including chronic feelings of emptiness, dissociative symptoms, impulsivity, rapid mood swings, low self-esteem, instability in goals and self-identity, instability in relationships, anxiety, anger, fear of abandonment, and suicide attempts and self-harm. -shitborderlinesdo

Personality disorders are severe mental illnesses for which there is no cure - not even with medication. Meds can help, of course, and I personally wouldn’t be alive without them, but our biggest help comes from therapies, most prominently DBT (built for borderlines by a borderline, but it helps with anyone facing extreme emotions) and CBT. But looking into any therapy helps a lot.

A common, extremely common, theme around borderlines (but there are exceptions, as with anything) is extreme abuse in adolescence or adulthood. S*xual abuse is common and not unheard of. Another theory about why borderlines become who we are is that we may have been overly sensitive children, who ended up deprived of the attention/love/support we needed (through in some abuse, and, well). There are other factors, but that’s considered one of them.

BPD is one of the most life-threatening mental illnesses, following only after eating disorders. 

There are a lot of disorders that have similarities to BPD, bipolar disorder being a common one. Most of us end up misdiagnosed with BD because borderlines can have both manic and depressive symptoms. They manifest in slightly different ways, and people with bipolar disorder tend to have longer fluctuations between mania/mixed/depression. Their moods are more likely to last weeks or months, while ours can change within minutes or hours. 

If you feel like you relate to some of the symptoms, but not all, there are a list of mental illnesses/disorders which may be similar here. We also have common traits that are usually associated with other neurodivergencies, like child regression or stimming. 

I cannot sum up a whole disorder in one post, however. Like any mental illness, it’s very complex and the experiences will range from person to person. The best, concise (and not biased) resources I can give you are shitborderlinesdo FAQs here on tumblr: 1, 2. The tumblr is run by borderlines for borderlines, and many of the mods that built the FAQ have or are going through different psychology majors and the like.Keep in mind to avoid Google when looking into this as best you can. BPD has been mislabeled for years as The Inherently Abusive Disorder™, and there entire sites and books set up building around this idea. The most popular one lists that all symptoms of emotional abuse means that, of course, your abuser must be borderline! Because yeah, that makes sense. (Try imagining the affect of telling people that their mental illness makes them abusive by default…. well, you can see the results because 98% of us believe we’re awful, manipulative assholes lmao.)

The FAQ has a ton of information ready at hand, but I can also recommend Girl, Interrupted (the book, not the movie - though the movie is good it’s way off the mark and doesn’t represent any mental illness properly) by Susana Kaysen for an inside look into BPD. I also really like The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, which is an easy to follow workbook for DBT skills. If you feel you can relate even on some level to BPD, learning some DBT skills will help, regardless if you are borderline or not!

If you have any more specific questions (like perhaps what posts you related to, because maybe I can also help point you to reasons why you related to those) or anything, let me know.

I’m publishing this because it’s a common question, and many people think BPD is relatable without realizing that our symptoms are so much more intense than they can imagine. That’s not saying that relating to a post or symptom is bad at all, and could most definitely point to something deeper going on within you/whomever, but BPD is also much more complex than a lot of people imagine.

I’m going to keep trying to post more info about it as I go along, bc I’ve always been obsessive about research into mental illnesses, and because it’s nice to be able to share things that can help both myself and others understand what I’m going through. If you don’t want to go through the frickton of resources in the FAQs, keep a look out for my ‘bpd info’ tag. I hope some of this helps, and if you want me to remove this from being public just let me know, and I can instead send this whole thing to you privately.

[buggybrains]

Doing this meme! And since I figure no one will actually send me asks I’m just gonna answer all asks myself

Warning for asks that contain content related to self harm, suicide, drugs, and drinking.

1. Self dx or professional dx?

I actually discovered AVPD by being professionally diagnosed with it in the first place, yes

2. How long have you known you had AVPD?

Since I was diagnosed which was sometime around 2012? So thats about 5 years at this point. However I don’t think I actually knew exactly what AVPD WAS until maybe 2-3 years ago.

3. Were you diagnosed with social anxiety prior to AVPD?

I was diagnosed with major anxiety in 3rd grade (its been a long long while so I don’t remember the details exactly) mostlty because of my crippling emetophobia. I was never really diagnosed with social anxiety specifically though and I feel like it never really applied to me since I’ve always avoided anxiety-inducing situations when possible anyway.

4. Do you have any other cluster c PDs?

I suspect I may have DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder) to some extent, but mostly as a byproduct of AVPD. Otherwise it doesn’t seem like I do.

5. Do you have any other PDs in general?

I have some traits others have but not enough to really say I have the PD. And in cases like Schizoid PD, the traits I mostly share come from my combination of AVPD, depression, and autism.

6. Do you have traits of any other PDs?

The big ones I seem to have traits I share with are Schizoid, as mentioned above, since I choose solitary activities with little human interaction, I’m socially detached, my emotional range is restricted, I can’t pick up on social cues, etc. As you can see, a lot of it is just a combination of AVPD and autism for me personally, which is why I can’t say I have this PD.

And then a lot of the times I feel like I relate a lot to experiences BPD people have, but I don’t feel anything nearly as intensely as they do and don’t experience anything nearly as intensely as they do except in very particular situations. Most of the traits I share in common with BPD mostly come from my DPD symptoms.

7. Do you have any other mental illnesses?

Mental Illness wise - I have chronic depression and dysthymia.

However, neurotype-wise, I also have ADHD and autism.

8. Which AVPD symptom do you think is the most prominent in you?

My unwillingness to talk or interact with someone for any reason. Whether I just really want to say something, ask for help, express myself, go somewhere, initiate something, etc, its just always easier to. not. And in the end I always choose to just, not, without fail.

9. Do you have a safe person?

Yes, Mattie!! My symptoms are surely not gone when around them by a long shot but a lot are diminished to an extent.

10. What do you dislike most about having AVPD?

I can’t bring myself to do so much. I blame it for ruining a lot of my relationships and friendships. So many friendships have ended because I couldn’t bring myself to just say hi and check up on people. I couldn’t do anything as simple as that. And now I have barely anyone left.

11. What do you like most about having AVPD? (If anything)

Is there anything actually redeemable about AVPD? Haha. But I guess one plus is that I don’t feel social anxiety very often, since I’ll just avoid anything that will make me feel social anxiety pretty easily. I mean, you know, at the trade off of not doing anything I want to do. Sucks when I actually DO have something that is unavoidable I have to do though. Haha honeslty this isn’t a plus at all. 

12. Have you ever been on medication?

No.... I’ve alwyas been too afraid of side effects and medication not working with me to try. Plus, I’ve alwys been negligent of other medication in the past, no matter what kind of medication it is. I fear my negligence with medication will ruin me when I have to use it for mental illness reasons, so I refrain.

13. Have you ever been in therapy?

Yes, but beyond a diagnosis and accomodations letter, it has never helped me.I just feel guilty for never being able to bring myself to do anythign requested of me (which is probably both due to my AVPD, and lack of desire to do anything for myself because of my depression. nothing was worth doing. it was easier to not do anything)

14. What do you think caused your AVPD?

A lot of things. I think the biggest one was my emetophobia though. I had it to such a degree as a child that I would do my best to avoid being too physically close to anyone in fear they would vomit on me without warning. 

However, my brain being geared towards depression at a very young age and also being autistic probably added to this as well, since interactions between other people just become hard and not worth it.

15. Do your friends know you have AVPD?

My immediate family knows, though I don’t know if they remember. My friends online know though.

16. Have you ever been hospitalized, if so, was it voluntary or involuntary?

Not for mental illness reasons no.

17. Do you self harm?

Not in a way I can detect. Self harm seems to require some sense of self to do so, which I dont’ really have. Though also I fear I won’t be able to stop if I ever do start.

18. Have you ever considered suicide?

Somewhat. I consider isolating myself from the world first before then. I’m not worth death. 

I can never really seriously consider and deeply think about suicide for myself since that requries commitment and effort. Its easier to just,  not to. Like I deal with the rest of my life.

19. Have you ever attempted suicide?

See above. I can’t make that kind of commitment or effort.

20. Do you drink , smoke, or do drugs to cope?

Nope.

[optimistic-personality-disorder]

Ok I wanna elaborate. I’m gonna assume if you are interested in paranoid pd you already know the diagnostic criteria so I’ll skip over that. Here’s a list of symptoms I didn’t realise were linked to paranoid pd, in no specific order:

1. Asking for excessive reassurance. As in, asking people to prove they love me or that they want me around. I thought this was bpd for a long time. But I’m not asking because I’m worried about abandonment. I’m asking because I don’t believe them when they say they do and I constantly doubt their positive feelings towards me. It’s basically testing their loyalty because I don’t believe or trust them.

1.5. Attention seeking, as mentioned in the original post. Prefacing this by saying it’s often only with already close friends, but can be with those who don’t know me very well too. For me, it’s either one of two things;

- it’s part of a carefully constructed visage to make myself appear well put together, socially competent, and therefore “powerful” and unable to be bullied, threatened, or easily broken. It’s also often a slippery slope into my own bullying habits and sadistic traits - for me, the next logical step to social power from being high in the social hierarchy is the keep others low on the hierarchy, any way possible. Including bullying.

- it’s part of my inability to process negative emotions, which I will talk about more further on in the post.

2. Criticism sensitivity/rage response. I assumed this was the infamous “narcissistic rage”, and as far as I can tell, it’s extremely similar (or perhaps even the same thing). The difference is in a minute little detail; people with npd rage because somebody has undermined their confidence. I rage because if I’m wrong about one thing, how many other things am I wrong about? How many other situations have I misjudged? What else is out there that I can’t see? What else is out to get me?

The fear of not being watchful and all-knowing enough to protect myself from omnipresent danger is bad, but the shame of having failed to be prepared is just as bad too. In addition to this, ego is generally fragile but self importance is very high. I must defend my world view because I just can’t be wrong, because of the fear and shame listed above.

This is also linked to thinking you’re always right, which is a common theme with paranoid pd. Believing you “know the truth” or that you must be the one in the right or that others will fail because they don’t see what you see. It’s less of a superiority complex and more of a semi-delusional conviction. But it does seem to be very similar to npd from what I’ve gathered, though don’t take my word for it.

3. Dislike for authority and society. Commonly associated with aspd. Doesn’t help that I was diagnosed with conduct disorder either. Basically, people with aspd and people with ppd share a core world view - the world is uncaring and cruel and you can only rely on yourself. People with aspd acknowledge this and act outwardly and offensively, putting themselves first. People with ppd act defensively, putting up walls, biting when they think they’re being attacked, always holding up their defences. Both don’t believe in the inherent good of the world or people or society and don’t believe institutions such as the government are there to help them. From what I’ve read, Antisocial behaviour is… not necessarily common, but isn’t unsurprising with paranoid pd.

4. Splitting. In psychiatry, most personality disorders have some kind of splitting. With cluster A and C, most commonly, this is an internally directed split. Bpd splitting is the most famous because of its more explosive and dramatic nature. Paranoid pd kind of “breaks the chain” of splitting internally, because paranoid splits can often be just as explosive and aggressive as borderline splitting or other cluster B behaviour.

5. With paranoid pd, we don’t feel like our negative emotions are coming from ourselves. It feels like everything is just happening to us. We have no control. When we feel negativity, it must be someone’s fault. We struggle to recognise our own emotions as being from within us. This has led to a few realisations on my part;

- I often blame other people for triggering me, getting angry at them and demanding apologies,

- I often demand that certain people I am friends with talk to me more or spend more time with me, because I can’t stand boredom and I feel like somebody else caused it by not talking to me (hence this is an addition to attention seeking),

- I often get angry at other people when I see venting or upset people, because when I do feel negative empathy (my empathy fluctuates), it feels like that person is the cause of my discomfort and sadness,

- I often get angry at seeing people seek attention, because I was socially punished for attention seeking in the past, and instead of feeling bad about the memories internally, I blame the other person for my triggered response,

- when I feel bad, I often automatically go to someone else for help or to vent. Because it feels like my problems are caused from outside forces, it feels like I can’t do anything but ask outside forces for help. This in turn leads to emotional exchanges, attention seeking, heavy dependence on friends, burning out your friends, and saying stupid things while in the heat of the moment instead of being able to take a step back and recognise your own feelings (because, again, these feelings feel like they aren’t caused by you, so you want to “fix the problem” of the argument thinking that will solve your emotions, instead of working on it internally),

- Lastly, because of this, my therapist has a lot of trouble getting me to identify and work with negative feelings. I never feel them within me. They always come from somewhere else. It’s hard to even recognise that these feelings are my own, especially when they are so quickly replaced by rage at the person “responsible” for my pain. It has really blocked my progress in therapy.

Remember, this is just my own experience and what I’ve uncovered in reading and talking with others and my own therapist. This is not intended to be a criteria for diagnosis. Just wrote this up mostly for others to see what it’s like for me to have paranoid personality disorder and understand how similar it is to cluster B disorders. I honestly think that paranoid PD wouldn’t be entirely out of place in cluster B, but I understand why it’s in cluster A.

The more I learn about paranoid personality disorder (the one personality disorder I was actually diagnosed with, two years ago) the more I realise a lot of my “cluster B traits” are really just ways my paranoia plays out and affects my life. Even attention seeking and self-importance and fragile ego. Damn

[dickssociation]

Hmm... there are some important concepts here and I'm taking specific interest in posts addressing overlap now because my partner is going through a confusing diagnostic process right now that takes into account traits of BPD, when NPD was previously suspected. They have cPTSD for sure, that's a known constant, but the rest gets a little dicey.

Also, as a note, Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by emotional & behavioral lability. They share expressions and symptoms with cPTSD, and are often comorbid, but still often exist without it. Pre-existing genetic components must be catalysted by trauma in order for Cluster B disorders to fully materialize, which has been most notably been observed for BPD.

I've had a tendency to gatekeep the experience of a FP complex in conversation with them, since what they describe sounds similar, but not exactly how the BPD community seems to describe it. But that's the thing. It's simply a description of a phenomena for which the community has coined a term. There's no real scientific definition for it, it doesn't appear in any medical research, and honestly, we're the only people to document it happening, so what a "Favorite Person" is to someone can only be anecdotal.

Since I've explained it to them, I don't think either of us would be cool with using that term for what they experience unless they get a diagnosis that they're fully behind from a psychologist who they fully trust. I still think you're right, that it typically is a BPD-exclusive thing that most other people wouldn't understand. However, it might be a little dangerous to tell people that if they've ever experienced something that's known to be a BPD thing, they must have BPD, and that no other disorder can cause something that looks the same. Those hard lines in the sand only serve to label and differentiate us, which, although sometimes very validating & helpful for treatment, still are... drawn in sand. And for features that don't even formally exist, it might do us well to remember what a soft, shifting science this is. Cluster B disorders especially are not entirely clear-cut with their differentiation, and meeting multiple criteria for multiple PDs, but not enough for any one in particular, can result in PDNOS. Given a defined middle-ground like that, I think it makes more sense to view psychopathy as a spectrum with imperfect metrics. When it gets down to it, everyone's experiences are individualized, and even those well within the BPD community experience BPD complexes vastly differently.

I think you're totally right to say that it's important to look at rule-out factors of disorders when considering specifically which disorder you might have, and that standard differences in attachment styles are present between disorders, often as defining factors. It also definitely isn't a good idea to decide that just because you experience something, that must make it a trait of whichever disorder you already know you have. We should keep open minds to these things, while also paying attention to patterns shown in the general population of people diagnosed with whatever disorder.

The most important thing will always be to do what works for you to manage your own symptoms. There's no cure or remission in sight for any PD. Same goes for cPTSD or autism or DID or anything else that's hardwired into us via genetics or trauma. All we can do is figure out how to live in a world that is not made for us. That means a lot of intentional learning, skillbuilding, and skillsharing. It means a lot of solidarity. Much more than is easily found. We have to support each other above all else.

so i keep seeing this misinformation going around and genuinely i dont understand why this is so complicated for people and why it keeps getting repeated all cluster b disorders share a core grouping of symptoms because they are all based in trauma. this is why they're considered a cluster, they all have cptsd as their core/base symptoms then, depending on both genetics and individual circumstance, they will branch out into different symptoms as they progress and the difference in those symptoms is how u differentiate between the different disorders

when in therapy and trying to get a diagnosis, it is actually often easier to focus on the symptoms that disorders Dont share and what u Arent experiencing in order to tell which of the 4 u most likely have this means that there are certain unique criteria that are not exhibited by the other disorders for each.

"favorite people" or fp's are a unique criteria to bpd. no other cluster b disorder experiences the very specific kind of disordered insecure attachment that is categorized as an "fp"

that doesnt mean the others don't experience disordered attachments at all, on the contrary, disordered attachments are part of the core cptsd symptoms and thus all cluster b's experience disordered attachments with others. it is the primary issue we all experience, that we struggle to form normal healthy bonds with others

but an fp is a very specific type of disordered attachment. so just like all oranges are fruit, but not all fruit are oranges, all fp's are disordered attachments, but not all disordered attachments are fp's

npd, aspd, and hpd do not experience the *specific type* of disordered attachment that is a favorite person, even though they do experience disordered attachments in general. but if u are trying to talk about npd and hpd having obsessive and insecure/anxious attachments, say that. if ur talking about aspd having avoidant and dismissive attachment styles, say that. those things are not the same as a favorite person

if u are experiencing having a favorite person specifically, and not just disordered attachments more generally, then u have bpd. it is literally that simple. and if u find urself saying "well i do experience having an fp but i have npd so clearly this means this is an npd symptom" i am begging u to understand that that isnt how diagnosis and disorders work. and if reconsidering ur diagnosis after receiving new information or understanding things better sends u into such a spiral that u cant even consider it, then u have a bigger problem happening that u need to address.