#clownery ahead

[southerngothicaf]

Ohh no.

[ghoul-haunted]

this is

a character statement of some kind

[s-lay-ing]

No but it genuinely makes no sense to me that plofis got told beforehand that jeonghan was invited to a schedule in freaking berlin (!!!) and still managed to cram his schedules so bad to the point they made him travel TWO days before the fashion show, without even considering possible setbacks such as flights delayed/ cancelled, jetlag etc 🙃

[finnickodaiir]

I miss food discourse ngl

[august--and-everything-after]

We keep coming close to running out of vital reagents and supplies at work cause no matter how far ahead we try and plan, the procurement team is continuing to fuck everything up by being the worst managed and slowest department at my company.

[stepfordgoth]

The new rainbow checkmark feature pisses me off a stupid amount and I think buying them is like buying a cursed amulet that foretells poor decision making for the rest of your life

[ethereal-elegance]

sansa is the whitest white to ever white;ghost & bryden rivers are albino yet she's even more white than them but nonas have the fucking audacity to project the embodiment & epitome of whiteness;white victimhood & white feminism on Dany of all people whose narrative is poc-coded;whose skin tans so easily dark like some of her ancestors that she can blend in with the dothraki & look like them after assimilating to their culture;whose family members/race grrm regretted not making black; whose lifestyle is exotic & foreign (very essosi) in nature compared to westeros' (european/white) standards;NTM Dany can not sympathized but actually empathize w/ many of the common hardships & issues immigrants & refuges;mainly poc face:displacement;poverty;famine/hunger/forced starvation;homelessness;consistently being othered;being fetishized;racism;xenophobia;discrimination even in the context of the poorly adapted shitshow that is got + Dany can actually handle spicy food & loves it w/ high tolerance unlike being the whitest white to ever white in every damn way 100% ignorant sheltered narrow-minded uncultured spoiled brat privileged naive gullible classist bigot aloof two-faced fake narcissist sansa still only really truly caring about herself who wants & needs for nothing even as a "bAsTaRd";learned nothing really valuable or useful or morally upright;still easy to manipulate & offend;can't even tolerate spicy food;looks down on not only bastards & unconventionally;unattractive people but also the summer islanders (who are poc) still practices grandiosity;displays delusions of grandeur w/ her superiority complex w/ her pov chapters the only character who grrm explicitly mentioned is an unreliable narrator; but nonas keep coping ig🙃🤷🏾‍♀️🤡😭☠️🤣💀

Funny how there are people who see Daenerys as a woc when she's isn't but when people point out that the Martells and people from Dorne are canon poc, that's going too far. Ok cool. So where's the evidence where it's implied that Daenerys is a woc because all I see is alot of stuff connected to the white savior trope instead.

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

ok some things i LIKED about tua 4 since we all have talked exclusively about what we hated (SPOILERS AHEAD):

idc what anyone says the baby shark bit was iconic every time it came on i jammed

klaus had a comic book storyline from hotel oblivion!! let’s go source material!!

diego and luther being himbos

allison and klaus friendship

the entire birthday party scene was hilarious and fun and so THEM ok

the road trip scene that was in the trailer such iconic sibling goofy clownery they’re fucking idiots

klaus. he was in it. any time i get to see my little freak is time well spent.

incredibly unpopular opinion but i liked the ending i think they need an end from the cycle of apocalypses and suffering like they deserve a rest they’ve earned it and it was sweet that they all went together and the “i love you guys………but you’re all such fucking assholes” and then “fuck you” and everyone laughing and crying and THEN AND THEN ALL THE CHARACTERS FROM THE VARIOUS SEASONS BEING AT THE END i was SOBBING

klaus having a podcast of himself giving himself affirmations like that’s so funny

they actually gave somewhat of a shit about each other like diego was so DAD my babies have grown up but not too much they’re still fucking toddlers

lila is so pretty and funny and hot and unhinged she means so much to me

lila and klaus friendship!! lila and allison!! bonding!!

gene and jean were SUCH classic umbrella academy characters. loved them.

viktor gets all the pussy

i cannot stress how much all of the group scenes were so fucking sibling i love them ok

NO LUTHER AND ALLISON INCEST THANK FUCK

THUNDERBOLT THE GHOST DOG <3<3<3

klaus and claire oh my god i love uncle klaus so much and he loves her so much

seeing sober klaus and how hard he tried and then the heartbreak when that went away because he’s KLAUS he’s gerard way’s trauma self insert. as much as i want klaus to be safe and content and free from all this bullshit it was just so consistent and i can appreciate that. and i cried like a little bitch it was truly devastating but it was just sooooo klaus. also getting to see him make it incredibly clear that he didn’t want his powers back—him being the ONLY ONE who didn’t want his powers back—was important to me idk. and he was LOVED like he has a family!! he is cared for!! ahhHHHHHH!! love it

claire was great and getting to see her and allison and their tumultuous relationship and their love for each other after all of these seasons of allison looking for her and just wanting to be with her daughter

klaus got dave’s dog tags <3

more flashbacks to brellie kids!!

getting answers to some series-long mysteries

the underground subway system between timelines was so fucking cool and mindfucky 100/10

klaus’s look being reminiscent of s1 sorry that was my favourite klaus look ok

their sort of evolved powers when they got them back

so many good one liners and comedic scenes

ben being a crypto bro is SO FUNNY

will add stuff as i think of it. this is incredibly out of character for me i am an eternal pessimist but i did enjoy s4 (mostly because, as an eternal pessimist, my expectations are always low) so here we are.

[changbinsboobs]

Can you include how skz member reacts when other members also likes his crush or s/o thx!!!

I decided to make the reading in a broader spectrum as i think ill be getting more insight on their inner personality as well, instead of just gaining insight on this specific situation.

Skz' reaction when another guy likes their crush/s'o

Chan - The Hermit

For him i think he would be pretty unbothered. Something of the sort like "and what about it? Ik they'd choose me anyway".

Lee Know - King of Swords

He finds it weird how other people are not ashamed of showing interest towards an "occupied" person. Like "you really have that much dignity? That little self worth?" I think for him it applies more towards people that actively try to steal your partner cuz how otherwise would u know they have a crush on them if they don't show it in some way. He is pretty appalled to it and thinks little of people like that. Its just plain stupid and useless in his opinion and he thinks his partner wouldn't get tempted by such foolery/clownery and if they do then they're a clown/fool themselves and they did him a favor by leaving.

Changbin - The Moon, King of Pentacles, 5 of Wands

Lots of mixed feelings and im also getting a hint of toxicity but a sweet one? Idk how to explain it - like wine?😂 as i said in previous readings i think he enjoys emotional torment in some way. So first he would feel personally attacked - even if he's not close to that person or if they aren't actively trying to steal them but he just noticed how they look at his crush or partner. I think he has lots of trauma and insecurities from last relationships which explains his hypervigilance and over sensitivity. He would get doubtful of himself, feel disrespected and attacked by the other person even daring to look and desire his crush/partner cuz how dare they?!?!! His crush is HIS!!! He would start comparing himself, doubting himself even contemplating if he should just let this crush go cuz whats the use of it anyway - but this episode is just the initial feelings he gets, they pass pretty quickly tho and he gains his confidence very quickly after that first initial hit. He remembers his power, his status, his wealth, his qualities and feels like king/boss once again and i think he gets into a competing mode - if its a crush - and start obviously competing with the other guy and trying to make himself look better, maybe even picking fights, but not like full blown fist fights, nor verbal ones, rather something of the sort where he starts throwing certain comments to just show his competitive nature and show he's not there just to play but he means business. I don't think he's friendly towards his "rival". If its about his s/o tho i see it going in a different direction where his doubts, jealousy, insecurity etc might lead to fights. I think his insecurity might insult his partner and i also think his doubtful phase would get pretty annoying to his partner after a while. Im hearing "ugh just get over it and stop being a pu**y."

Hyunjin - King of Cups, Page of Cups, Knight of Cups

I think he's very confident and even enjoys it when others show interest in his crushes/so, cuz he gets rally cocky and feels superior - like "oh u like them? Go ahead try😏 lets see which one of us they choose" cuz he just knows he's elite, he knows his power and he knows those dusties ain't got anything on him😂 I'm also seeing that he has many options as in, if its about a crush, he can get another one pretty easily even if he gets rejected, and if its about and s/o he thinks there's a pool if women (people) drooling all over themselves for him and would fight each other to get even close to him so he feels great security in whatever happens he would get chosen, and if he doesn't theres plenty of other great choices he can just swing his finger at and they would swoon at his feet.

Han - Justice, 8 of Cups

He also feels disrespected and makes him feel kinda cold towards that person but also towards his crush too. I think he also goes into a bit of a dark space and might think if they're truly right for each other, if the other guys not a better fit for his person, if maybe he's holding them back from true happiness or their "the one" and i think he might retract a bit into his shell, get cold and dwell on his thoughts for a while.

Felix - 5 of Cups

I think he feels insulted by that person especially if its a closer one. He feels betrayed and it takes away from the sweetness and happiness he felt when he looked at and spent time with his crush/so. Now when he looks at them he gets reminded of the betrayal and the bitter feelings and he also is very empathetic about it like...omg like he's thinking about the other person too and how painful it is for them to have a crush on someone thats taken or for them both to have a crush on the same person and i think he might be contemplating if he shouldn't take a step back to give the other guy(person) a chance as well cuz i think he engages in more of casual relationships and he would be thinking "if that persons feelings are truthful and deep and they want something meaningful with my crush, should i not take step back? I don't want anything serious i just want to have fun. Surely i can find fun elsewhere but can they find love elsewhere too? Its not as easy i think" that kind of monologue im hearing from him.

Seungmin - The Empress

I think he doesn't care one bit about the ither guy, he just cares about his wife and their little happy family and thats it. "That bloke can like whoever he wants, won't change the fact that my wife's mine."

I.N - 4 of Cups, Ace of Wands, The Chariot

His energy is so cute. I think he would contemplate about it, which action and solution would be best. And i think he would come to the conclusion about taking the initiative to approach that other guy and talk with him about it. He doesn't want any problems, but he also wants to make clear that his girl is his and that he should keep off. If the other guy doesn't peacefully comply as jeongin intended, he will take a more stern approach and actively keep that guy away from his person and actively protect them and show his assertiveness and dominance (between the two guys i mean, not in the relationship)

[squad-724]

WATCH OUT! SPOILERS FOR THE FANFICTION „Project Failsafe” up ahead!

A gift for @clownery-and-fuckery in exchange for Hybrid Batch snippet >:] a scene from their fic

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

“Rings of Power” 2x08 (Season Finale) - Speculation and Clues

As promised, and since I've correctly guessed so many plot twists in 2x07, I’ll try my luck in speculate what will go down in the finale. But I’m putting my clown make-up on this time around, because *that scene* left me baffled and wondering if the show producers will give us anymore of that random shock value bullsh*t "Game of Thrones" style.

What's confirmed for Episode 8/Season 2 Finale?

Númenor plot: The Faithful (to the Valar) are declared traitors; and Isildur kisses Estrid and asks her to go with him to Númenor 

The Dwarves of Khazad-dûm dig out the Balrog 

The Stranger meets the Dark Wizard of Rhûn 

Battle of Eregion

Sauron vs. Galadriel 

Númenor Plot

To me, this will be one of those “Season 3 prep-up" plots of the finale. Mostly because, in Season 3, Sauron will, likely, dwell in the kingdoms of Men to find the Nine ring-bearers for his masterplan.  

"The Stranger" Identity

In Season 2 finale we’ll get the reveal of “The Stranger” identity mystery box, when he’ll find his wizard staff and earn his name. Gandalf. Because, lets’ face it, everyone saw that coming from a mile away, and ever since Season 1 there have been clues that “The Stranger = Gandalf”.  

And as I’ve said before, I’m kind of disappointed, because I was hoping for him to turn out to be one of the Blue Wizards.  

Unsure if the “Dark Wizard" identity will be revealed. But since the clownery is lose, I’ll go ahead and say the Dark Wizard of Rhûn can turned out to be Saruman, after all, even if it doesn’t make any sense, and Saruman was a member of the White Council and only joined Sauron after "The Hobbit" timeline, because why not? Apparently, everything is possible and Elves just casually kiss each other on lips, now. 

Battle of Eregion: Celebrimbor’s Death 

Celebrimbor won't come out alive from Season 2. Sadly. The big question here is: will Sauron kill Celebrimbor, himself? I've already discussed this in my "Season 2 red herrings" post, but I'm inclined to believe that "Sauron killing Celebrimbor" might be a red herring in itself. Mostly because, and even though Sauron did tortured Celebrimbor, he still has respect and admiration for him, as a fellow craftsman. And besides, Sauron hates frivolous friction and wastefulness; he’s Lawful Evil, every action of his has a purpose. I can be completely wrong here, but this is my bet.  

In the books, it is said that Celebrimbor is killed by Sauron and the Orcs turn him into a banner. But the catch is: the Orcs aren’t led by Sauron in the show, so it is possible that it’s Adar (and not Sauron) who kills Celebrimbor?  

I think we have two possible scenarios here: 

Sauron kills Celebrimbor after him disclosing the location of the Nine rings of power, and he goes after Galadriel OR because he refuses to reveal where the Nine are;

Adar kills Celebrimbor in Elrond’s presence: making come full circle Elrond’s father prophecy that, one day, Celebrimbor’s life would be on his hands, which was mentioned in both Season 1 and 2x04. 

Battle of Eregion: “Durin will come”. Or won’t he? 

I already speculated that the Dwarves would only join the Battle of Eregion in 2x08, and with the showrunners “deus ex machina” them, and have them arriving when everything seems to be lost and that all Elves are going to die (pretty much like the Knights of Rohan in Battle of Helm's Deep in “The Two Towers”).

However. There have been some references to Peter Jackson’s LOTR trilogy in “Rings of Power”, and we have Elrond telling Aragorn something along the lines of Dwarves caring only about themselves and blind to the troubles of others (even though this Elrond’s opinion has no base in what Tolkien wrote). So, will Durin, actually, come? 

My guess is: yes. Because we know neither Elrond nor Gil-galad will die, but Eregion will fall, all the same.  

Balrog of Moria - "Durin's Bane"

By bet is: Durin III, guided by his ring of power (controlled by Sauron), will dig out the Balrog himself. And like in the books, the Balrog will kill him, and earn the nickname “Durin’s bane”.

And that’s pretty much it for the Balrog plotline: the Balrog just wants to chill on the mines and be left alone.

Sauron/Galadriel - "Last Temptation"

I've already speculated about this scene quite a bit: I did a megathread on it, after all: Part 1; Part 2 (after 2x07, many of it has been erased); and some wild crack theories Part 3 and Plot Twist Kiss - I'll just throw this last one in for fun and laughs, or if someone wants prompts for fanfiction).

I’ll start by saying, Sauron and Galadriel scenes at the finale will either be: (1) a major anticlimactic letdown, or (2) mind-blowing revelations. I don’t think there will be a middle ground, here. And I would advise every shipper to go into the finale with no expectations whatsoever, in order not to get disappointed. 

What's confirmed for this scene?

Galadriel and Sauron will fight; 

Sauron wants the Nine rings of power, and Celebrimbor gave them to Galadriel in 2x07, so he’ll want to retrieve them from her.

There'll, probably, be visions, too, since 2x04 already teased the "return of King Halbrand", and Charlie Vickers said that Sauron still believes he can get Galadriel to join him.

I’ve already presented all the foreshadowing from 2x01-2x06 leading up to this scene on my megathread, so I’ll talk about 2x07, alone. So, we had: (1) the shock value E+G kiss, (2) Galadriel witnessing Adar performing a funeral ritual to the Orcs and (3) her emotional exchange with Celebrimbor, where she admits that she did want to accept Sauron’s proposal in 1x08, and she desired what he offered her (to be his queen). Then Celebrimbor tells her: "It's not strength that overcomes darkness but light. For in its presence, all darkness must flee.” 

This can foreshadow three outcomes (aside from her “Lady of the Light” character arc): 

Galadriel has found resolve, and will outright resist Sauron;

Season 1 finale rehash: Galadriel temporally succumbs, but snaps out of it;

Galadriel might believe she can actually redeem or keep Sauron “in check” with her Light, and goes with him (this one is just wild to me, but it’s one of the interpretations I took from her scene with Brimby). 

Personally, I’m guessing the “last temptation” can go down: 

The anticlimactic let-down: they fight; Sauron bombards Galadriel with visions, retrieves the Nine when she’s either distracted by his illusions or by force, Galadriel resists him, and he probably leaves her for dead or something. There: all the foreshadowing throughout the season turns out to be red herrings, and the OST title ("last temptation") isn't a red herring, at all;

The “Major revelations” scenario: Sauron and Galadriel disclose the extent of their true feelings for each other (explicitly stated or highly implied), with Sauron revealing that the connection they shared when Galadriel believed him to be “just Halbrand” wasn’t a deception on his part (“Halbrand is Sauron” also appears to be a theme this season).

Most likely scenarios on how this scene might end:

Sauron takes the Nine and leaves Galadriel for dead or badly injured; 

Sauron walks away with the Nine, leaving Galadriel unarmed and saved; 

Galadriel’s sacrifice: Galadriel reluctantly joins Sauron, to “keep him in check” and save Middle-earth.

Honestly, my expectations are so low at the moment, I’m not even going to place any bets here.

Will Adar survive Season 2?

I already did a speculation post on Adar’s fate, where I theorize that Adar will die at Sauron’s hands but not before witnessing him becoming Lord of Mordor. Right now, and after that WTF moment in 2x07, I’m not sure of anything. 

If Adar and Sauron run into each other in 2x08, I believe Adar is toasted and won’t make it to Season 3, that’s my guess. 

[revel-inbluehues]

Guys, please, I need to know where you're reading TCF, I keep getting peeks at the future chapters and I need to know the clownery that is Alberu turning the VR world into his own COD lobby. Someone give me a website to read future ahead.

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : 3/24 LRLG Post

As if the excitement that we all have today, the eve of Weibo Night where they will be at the same event isn’t enough, LRLG had to go ahead and bless us with an update. A very recent one at that. Usually, the contributions shared to us are events that happened months ago. This is why we are able to match which is which fairly easily or notice something we haven’t before.

It starts of saying “today”, meaning this happened 3/24, XZ’s arrival in Shanghai. I have thoughts on LRLG deciding to share this today and who allowed it. If we’re going by the assumption/speculation/clownery— whatever you wanna call it, that these contributions are sent out with xz/wyb’s “blessing” then there must be a reason why they are switching from the usual pattern. They could have easily shared this after the whole weibo night craziness. As what they did in previous events, but they didn’t. So what’s changed? I’m not looking at this as a negative in any way, I am just curious. Did they see how excited BXGs are so decided to give us something? Are they also just dying to be in one place again so they are sharing this happiness to us? No matter the answer, All I can say is : “Bless Shanghai!🙏🏼”

now onto the fake rumor itself. same disclaimer applies. this is all fan fiction. ‼️

It starts with a phone conversation ( i think ) between the boys and it’s mostly yibo. As you will notice in this entire scene/s, it’s all on WYB’s perspective ( literally only one red circle in the entire post ) so again, we have an additional “clue” that this lrlg person is from wyb’s team.

WYB: "Wear more when you come"

XZ: "Okay, I'll use it for you..."

WYB : "sock"

WYB: "I can't see your news anymore, you tell xx"

WYB: "good"

This exchange is so simple and sweet. Their love language is being attentive towards each other and what the other might need, even as “simple” as needing extra clothes to wear because of the weather. And so GG decides to wear a Tod’s biker jacket that makes him look so sexy instead ( as seen in photos / videos of him boarding the plane today and arriving ). 😂😂😂 I mean, WYB & I are not complaining with his choice of clothes but I hope it does keep him warm. and GG’s “ i’ll use it for you..” he really can’t say No to his puppy. He will do it if his puppy wants it. I just. I’m done with them.

The next part is his staff ( a woman based on the emoji ) is saying how unfortunate it is that he has work today and he is mildly pissed that has to because if he didn’t, then he can pick GG up at the airport. I mean. That’s interesting. I wonder if he did that before and i’m surprised at how brave he is to even consider “planning” to do that out of all days. It’s the day before WB night, paps are waiting for all the celebrities to arrive at the airport so if he goes — there is a higher chance for him to get spotted compared to just the normal day. Or maybe he knows the ins & outs already as he’s almost always filming in Shanghai over the past years so he might know how to make it happen.

Then you have a scene where people are playing cards, and I think there is drinks involved. but he ( wyb ) can’t come and join because he has works. The people are telling him to try and join because tomorrow ( WB night ) is busy and there will be lots of material to shoot. I just love WYB’s dedication to work and cackling at the emojis LRLG is using for him — I can totally picture his face like this and going “what are you all doing???”

in the meantime when the subject is XZ, he all sweet smiles.

and this exchange is just too much —

WYB: "Get me the power bank"

👧"Hurry up and play, you won't be interested in playing with your phone tomorrow.

WYB: What are you talking about?"

👧: Would you like to see how you smile now

WYB: XZ is coming why won’t i be smiling.

and he goes on to say 恋爱脑 with that smiley face. I don’t know if he’s fuckin trolling himself at this point, because this is same/similar label said about him by that yangyang paparazzi. the same one he refuted was false because they were saying he single then the next sentence has ambiguous relationship with an older woman and so on.

so i am looking at this like, he’s trolling and this only applies to GG. It’s not necessarily real for him, cause i highly doubt it— looking at how they live and thrive as individuals too. He’s using it and also making fun of that ridiculous rumor spread about him.

HIS SMILE THO MUST BE LIKE THIS :

he just smiles differently when it’s connected to ZZ. I think no one can deny that. It’s so radiant ✨✨✨

I AM ALSO CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT THIS EXCHANGE MIGHT MEAN: ( the people talking aside from wyb is his staff )

“Those who didn’t know thought that xx stole our boss”

"they're here"

"it's here"

WYB : "Finish xx this afternoon, we will record together tomorrow"

"I have sorted it out and sent it to xx for confirmation, no problem with me

WYB "Good job"

WYB "What time will the filming be, you can tell me when the time comes"

Shoot with who? I mean, I’m not really expecting XZS to share a bts of XZ’s photoshoot because they are together soooo ( based on this cpn ).

The next is his his ( wyb ) staff telling him they will prepare food for him and put it in the car cause it will be hard to eat tomo because of the show and how busy it would be. They said they will fix just small things he can carry and also provide him warmer. Awwww. They are so sweet and caring of Bobo 🥹

AND LAST IS THIS EXCHANGE :

👩🏻‍🦰: “you are really so happy today”

🟢: “im happy every day”

👩🏻‍🦰: “nonono there is a difference”

🟢: “😊”

👩🏻‍🦰: “that’s great”

I’m thinking this girl who commented is probably part of the cast/crew. not sure why i get the feeling, cause the emoji is different form his staff. lol. I’m so giddy thinking about yibo being all radiant and happy knowing that he will be with ZZ very soon. ☺️

LRLG also has a message for us at the end:

Be Safe. Have a long and fun weekend!

What a great treat to all turtles, setting all of us in a good mood before the day of the show. I have no expectations. I’m looking forward to seeing what they will wear and to see the photos. I’m proud of the awards/ recognition they will get — all well deserved. everything else is just a bonus. 💕

-END.

[ivebeencursedbygays]

Kai: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany! 

Kai, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Zane: Kai, you can do anything! 

Kai: Anything? 

Zane: Anything! 

Kai, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?! 

Zane: Wait, not that!

Cole: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? 

Nya: Wait, what’s the difference? 

Cole: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Kai: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. 

Pixal: Throw rocks at he. 

Cole: Hot Dogs. 

Morro: Kill him. 

Kai: Thanks guys.

Nya: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Pixal: You use emojis like a straight person. 

Kai: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Kai: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

Jay: Peonies, why? 

Kai: 

Jay: Were you going to get me flowers? 

Kai: 

Jay: 

Kai: ᶦᵗ’�� ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Jay: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. 

Nya: Oh, that was all real. 

Jay: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! 

Nya: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* 

Cole: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 

Kai: Go ahead. 

Cole: Be careful. 

Cole: Don’t die. 

Pixal: *Holds back a laugh* 

Kai: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Jay: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! 

Cole: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. 

Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? 

Cole: Somehow that's worse.

Kai: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... 

Kai: ...How did I fail being born?

Cole: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Zane! 

Zane: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Pixal: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon. 

Pixal: It's me.

Cole, in a room with Jay, Kai, and Nya: It’s calm in here. 

Cole: It scares me…

Nya: Fight me! 

Kai, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Zane: Nya got into a fight. 

Kai: That’s bad. 

Kai: 

Kai: Did she win?

Cole: Jay, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery. 

Jay: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

Kai: Is that a gun?! 

Jay: It's not what it looks like! 

Kai: It looks like a gun! 

Jay: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. 

Kai: ...ANYMORE?!

Kai, to the Squad: I’d die for you. 

Jay: Then perish. 

Pixal: You will. 

Nya: Please don’t. 

Cole: Cool. 

Zane: I’d die for you first.

Nya: If you got arrested what would be the charges? 

Jay: Theft. 

Zane: Disturbing the peace. 

Cole: Aggravated assault. 

Kai: Arson. 

Pixal: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year? 

Jay: If you say me, I swear I’ll— 

Nya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!

Cole, texting Zane: Zane there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? 

Cole: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry 

Cole: Zane 

Cole: Zane 

Zane: Zane is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

Pixal: A sprite is anything not static. 

Jay: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. 

Cole: A sprite is a fucking soda. 

Cole: You god damn geekass bastards.

Kai: *sighs* I have no friends... 

Jay: 

Jay: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

Zane: *tapping fingers on table* 

Cole: *taps fingers back furiously* 

Jay: …What’s going on? 

Pixal: Morse code. They’re talking. 

Zane: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - 

Cole: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Jay: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods* 

Jay, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Kai: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. 

Nya: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Kai, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— 

Zane: A family. 

Cole: A better love life. 

Nya: Mental stability. 

Pixal: *clueless* Bagels?

Zane: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Jay: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. 

Kai: 

Jay: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? 

Kai: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

Nya: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Jay. 

Jay: Hey, fuck you.

Jay: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Pixal: Why is Kai crying? 

Zane: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- 

Kai: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! 

Pixal: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- 

Kai: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! 

Pixal: NO, NOT THAT!

Zane: Hey, what have you two been up to? 

Nya: We were helping Kai write his vows, but he kicked us out because Cole was making inappropriate suggestions. 

Cole: How is “Jay, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

[astrronomemes]

TEXT POST STARTERS V

a collection of quotes and quips from popular internet posts. change & alter as needed.

"Chips are basically like, do you want to eat a potato one page at a time?"

"Your twenties are for seeing how many mistakes you can make in the shortest amount of time possible. And getting a cool haircut."

"Women love me for my eyebags and dead-eyed stare."

"I'm permanently emotionally damaged, but it's chill. I'm chill."

"I'm trying to be positive in general, but man..."

"Fuck, yeah, I'm an influencer! My content is clownery, I promote stupidity, and I'm sponsored by the circus."

"I have decided with a peaceful spirit, a loving heart, and a clear mind that some people still, in fact, need their asses beat."

"How many followers do I need before I'm considered a religion?"

"Love when emails start off with 'DO NOT REPLY'. Like, oh, yeah, way ahead of you, brother."

"Power move: Saying 'that's treason' every time someone does something that mildly inconveniences you."

"Topic jumping is an Olympic sport, and baby, I take home the gold every time."

"They don't card me at the liquor store anymore because they see all the light has left my eyes."

"How is traffic real? Like, just fucking go."

"When doctors deliver a particularly big baby, they should take a picture with it. Like it's a fish."

"If we're going on a date, don't bring your purse. I'm not going to let you pay. Just run when I run."

"Horses are a great pet for anyone who's ever wished their bicycle could make bad choices."

"One time, I served so much cunt that they put me in the psych ward."

[chainsawcorazon]

i’ll give it to bendis, he did not give two shits about jon, but gave WAY too many shits about bartkon, which is insane bc he put jon with imra who could read his mind and thus didn’t need any prodding as to why she should date a mentally ill dude who spent puberty being abused by a shade version of his pappy, meanwhile he did an autopsy on the bartkon narrative and did throwbacks to 90s solos only a fraction of the current readership knows about and put bartkon back on the map after the last major crisis nuked their canon WHILE deconstructing the geoffian clownery and bringing back the core roots of what made impulse and superboy, meanwhile he was so unserious about jon that he had him reproduce with a zod not realizing there was only lor left to choose from, but that wasn’t enough!!!! he had to go ahead and give us the sweet, sweet bartkon while clearly establishing that jon was a mentally ill clown who COULD have remained in the 31st century and joined brainy and imra’s polycule, but had to go back home bc he was too mentally ill and plus he had daddy issues. the duality of man. this man loved bartkon so much he made fun of kon’s comphet situmacations, but hated jon so much he didn’t care that he accidentally wrote jon + lor = mon