#cleo v doc

[neurotic-sinkhole]

as someone who has worked in courtrooms and actively is in law school i. i just have to talk about the cleo v doc case.

i finally got around to watching doc's entire POV after being too busy. i saw clips over and over again that were just calling my name. and oh boy did the full vid not dissapoint. my mouth was wide open the whole time in both shock and laughter. surprisingly, some of the proceedings of the court were accurate to typical US court proceedings!

here's a list of events and actions that stood out to me for their questionable realism:

- skizz's opening line was pretty accurate to how most plaintiff/prosecutions begin -"your honor, opposing council, members of the jury"

- most courts don't let you... submit evidence in opening statements but i love the hustle skizz!!

- honestly skizz's entire opening statement would have had a jury on his side

- but no jury? this would be a jury case

- honestly joe's baby defense i could see playing out in court

- joe really held up the batshit defense arguments stereotype and i love that for us 🧡

- arguing in opening to have the case dismissed... baby that time has passed. not even discovery can save you now

- i get the feeling neither joe nor doc knew the plaintiff was going to call witnesses which is not only major illegal but also so fucking funny

- this is the type of questioning a proffessor would show what leading a witness looks like

- literally during both of joes cross' i was crying it was so funny

- also ren's "i cannot recall" yeah!! that's good.

- should have brought up husband status

- skizz. please. it is not "disposition". beef did not give you a "disposition". it's "deposition". please. i'm crying.

- really good relevance objection! and skizz didn't say "relevency" so +3000 lawyer points!

- the judge firing missles at both councils is a feature i think the lower courts should implement

- DEFENSE DIDNT GET TO PRESENT A SINGLE WITNESS???

- like they had no case. the witnesses are your case. they didn't begin their case to even rest it. help?

- no experts testified but i think if D did get a witness they could've had an expert testify to either doc's baby or insane status and that would have really helped.

- joe's mens rhea argument in closing was SO GOOD. like that really was the glove moment of this trial.

anyways i'll be thinking about this for 1000 years.

[vyeoh]

THIS ROUND IS FOUL

[eternalduos]

I think that Season 10 and especially the Doc v. Cleo trial really epitomizes what I mean when I say that Hermitcraft operates on Wonderland/Feywild logic, where everything is orderly but so nonsensical. There are no laws but you can sue people for whatever you want. The courtroom is explicitly a TV court and the judge makes desicions by flipping a coin, and punishments are decided by whatever is funniest. You MUST address the judge as "Your Highness" instead of "Your Honor." If you want a permit to sell something you have to complete a bunch of nonsense impossible tasks like you're making a deal with a fairy. The only law enforcement does not have the power to enforce any laws and mostly just stands around in slutty outfits. The governmental system is a bunch of people "yes and"ing each other and everyone will complain about the bureaucracy but also begrudgingly follow all of the rules, sometimes with malicious compliance. Your lawyer is a muppet.

[theminecraftbee]

the case of docm77 v zombiecleo: a very incomplete summary of events

i, of course, strongly recommend going to doc's video (or bdubs, cleo, joe, or skizz's, once they exist) and watching the whole thing for yourself i could NOT stop laughing. but for those of you who want a vague summary of some stuff that happens in the courtroom:

bdubs is insisting on being called "your highness" as opposed to "your honor".

we START with bdubs explaining he has set up a dramatic five-strike system; if either side gets five strikes (things that upset bdubs lol) he will "uh, not give them the death penalty, but--"

doc immediately tries to use this to take advantage of the system and get cleo strikes.

he instead accidentally immediately murders his own counsel.

it has been like One Minute.

"just in case anyone dies, there's a jury deliberation room under construction, there's a bed in there"

bdubs is paying everyone a diamond block for showing up if they listen to his judgement. help.

"thrust his sword into said swine" so skizz's opening speech is GREAT.

"wow, that was really good. but the camera is over here, so if you could do that again and look into the camera for me--"

"defense, first off, how do you plead?" (doc, grasping for his vague knowledge of american legal dramas) "i plead the fifth. i plead the fifth. uh. right?"

joe, in his opening speech: "this is esteemed around the world as a place where two adults who act like children can come to have their differences settled by you in the most entertaining manner."

HELP. "cleo is bringing to the court not an affair between two adults with an unsettled matter, but an adult and a large baby."

HELP IS JOE'S DEFENSE THAT DOC IS A LARGE BABY AND THEREFORE CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS.

joe: "you know, cleo has a lot of communication problems." bdubs, with great feeling: "yikes."

cleo, under her breath: "i'm gonna kill him."

"just a minute i'm setting up my lawyer", ren says, carrying the armor stand he had in the stands with him to the bench and putting false's head on it,

ren: "i cannot recall." bdubs: "YOU CAN'T RECALL WHAT HAPPENED?" ren: "i cannot recall if i cannot recall."

why is skizz doing a foghorn leghorn accent now,

skizz, about doc: "this is proof this man likes to intimidate, that he gets off on it." no one comments on this phrasing.

sorry ren making an armor stand falsesymmetry as his lawyer and companion in the stands is so funny.

"this is more evidence cleo is a poor communicator. she can't control her man--"

joe is very clearly just trying to make everyone in the room mad and it's really funny.

HELP. BDUBS BUILT A HEADS AND TAILS MACHINE TO DECIDE IF THEY'RE GOING TO ALLOW OBJECTIONS.

anyway it rolls tails so it overrules skizz's objection.

skizz's accent and vocabulary just keeps getting more and more exaggerated i think he's going for approximately benoit blanc,

beef: "he forcefully approached us and said he's the guy who wants all the wood." cleo and doc, snorting and giggling at this as one,

i feel like i should note that bdubs has a fireworks crossbow that he's calling his "whip" and hitting people with when they do something he considers wrong.

this leads me to wonder if bdubs thinks whipping is normal in a courtroom...?

i think its really funny that skizz is actively doing like, correct types and moments to do an objection, and it almost sounds like good lawyering, and then IMMEDIATELY bdubs goes "it's time to HEADS AND TAILS!!!" and breaks that illusion completely.

"well, it's heads, objection sustained, strike that from the record." joe: "well then i guess you'll never know what my point was." beat of silence. bdubs: "never mind, let's just add a strike, and you can say it,"

"i don't know how the esophagus entered this situation at all?" "let's pray it didn't. geez." "i was not thinking of doc's esophagus when i built the giant fish for his hourglass." <- this only barely makes more sense in context,

"no further questions your honor." "seriously???"

every time joe calls doc either a baby or a manchild is SO FUNNY. why is this his argument. it's SO FUNNY.

"but he has not proven mens rhea, which you your highness are very familiar with but for the viewers at home is not a gendered form of diarrhea--"

cleo, to doc: "doc are you sure you want to win this one?" doc, in clear and obvious distress: "i'm not sure of anything anymore man i just, i don't know,"

bdubs then interrupts to do the sponsored segment of court.

"the tall claims court is brought to you by!" bdubs puts a disc in. 13 starts playing. "shoot that's the spooky record. that's the worst one." he continues with his bamboo shop sponsored segment spiel anyway, with 13 continuing to play,

"i'm not going to ask for money, i'm just asking for a simple injunction against doc. he won't be allowed to use diamonds for redstone anymore." "WHAT??? THERE'S LIMITS TO THIS, OKAY????" "calm down doc, we're not gonna--" "WHAT NO WHAT CALM DOWN???"

"cleo i have to say that's way better than anything skizz said. skizz was talking and all i heard was bla bla bla bla bla but that was real heartfelt. if you're thinking about paying him, maybe don't."

doc: "i want to make peace and love that's all i care about i'm just a humble boutiquer"

"i felt like as her friend i needed to teach her what it feels like to lose something" i love how deranged that is doc keep going

"but it happened and i think i'm insane, right," doc says, then nods at joe.

"yeah this is really good" cleo responds, perfectly happy with the idea of doc declaring himself insane for no good reason,

cleo: "doc is just completely unhinged when people mess with his redstone, and i feel like my punishment would take away that emotional bond."

joe: "objection your honor, my client is unhinged in every context."

i like how this is "make fun of doc" day.

bdubs: "i'm going to deliberate quickly then i'll come back with my judgement." (turns around for like five seconds.) "and i'm back!"

HELP DOC HAS BEEN BANISHED TO A SINGLE BLOCK IN THE SKY WITH A CHEST ON IT FOR TWO WEEKS

THREE IF HE TOUCHES THE GROUND

AIR JAIL...........

bdubs adjourns court. doc, immediately: "WHAT THE HELL JOE??" "i did my best, man :/"

"DO YOU KNOW THE VEINS ON MY NECK ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE????"

jevin in the background of doc losing his shit just kinda murdering skizzleman for fun,

doc's main objection to the sky island is "BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO :(((((("

doc ends the video standing here:

in conclusion: yeah this seems like a very fair trial with no ridiculous elements at all. very serious and befitting the sanctity of court. yes. you should watch it for a very serious hermitcraft experience,

[uninad4]

mystic messenger au posting !!

my brain has cursed me to create this, so have a relationship chart! to those who are wondering, the roles are :

Etho - MC

Cleo - Zen

Tango - Jaehee

Grian - Yoosung

Doc - Jumin

Bdubs - 707

Joel - V

Rika - Lizzie

[drachis917]

I need a fic of Phoenix Wright sitting in the jury of hermitcraft's Doc v. Cleo case, just so completely baffled and tired with everything.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, Skizzleman, 7/03/24

((Got my internet back this morning, phew! I did post a poll last night for anyone who has input on which Hermits I ought to be concentrating on recapping. Go and vote in it if you have Thoughts, or send me an ask if your thoughts are more lengthy. In the meantime, enjoy Skizzleman starting up his Attorney's Office build, hanging out with Tango, being a guinea pig for Pearl, and discussing with Chat why the fans keep making him an angel.))

4:45 Skizz opens the stream with a black screen. He greets the Chat and gives everyone an unnerving stare for several seconds. One day, he promises, he will really commit to the bit and see how long he can hold that stare just to bother chat. He thanks subs and donos and opens the game. He is standing on the highest current level of his pyramid. Skizz has taken it very easy the past two days and is feeling lazy about it. There is lots to talk about today!

9:30 Skizz flies to his base while talking about dog problems. Kevin Bubbles has been very naughty lately. Skizz is not concerned about the possibility of Doc taking revenge against him for the court case. Skizz feels lazy because all his current projects are actually doing okay right now and the holiday long weekend is coming up, so he could’ve been on the server but wasn’t. He is not going to let himself feel guilty about that, though. Instead, there is a build plan for today! Skizz flies to the shopping district and lands on Poe Poe HQ, facing the empty corner between it and the Courthouse. He is going to build an attorney’s office! He put a lot of time and effort into building the “Skizz Attorney” character he made for the Cleo v. Doc court case, put a lot of TLC into the video, got a lot of good feedback, and now he does not want it to be a one-and-done anymore. (Highlights include Skizz telling his wife that he had to spend an evening prepping his case because he was going to court the next day.)

13:00 Skizz has talked to Bdubs and Scar about adding an attorney’s office to the area where they have been building and they were enthusiastic about the idea. Skizz is nervous because he’ll be building right next to large builds by two exceptional builders. He’s going to give it a try anyway, knowing all along that there is the possibility that at some point he will tear the whole thing down, put the grass back, and just give up. It’s a possibility, but it’s better to try than not to try!

15:40 A chatter asks Skizz what his feelings are on the “Angel” portrayal of Skizz in fanart. Skizz wants to make it clear that he is very honored by all fanart, but he’s not sure where the angel thing came from. He is super-distracted by a 100-sub bomb. Chat is very excited too. He thanks subs and donos. A chatter asks about how to get their stream restarted. He tells them to ask themselves why they want to stream, and if any part of that is “I love it,” then that’s enough. Ignore everything else and do it because you love it. He especially thanks the chatter who gave many subs.

20:00 Chat reminds Skizz that he was talking about fanart. He reiterates that he loves fanart, and the angel thing is sweet, but he does not deserve to be portrayed as an angel. They don’t upset him but he likes the art better without them. He thanks more subs and donos. A chatter asks why Impulse “cheated” with Jimmy to play Among Us. Skizz pretends to be upset but he is not, he and Impulse will play Among Us again. Skizz needs shulker boxes. He goes to his portal tunnel to empty a shulker of cobblestone, but it turns out that “throwing item” is enough to trigger the skulk sensor that activates the “Sup, buddeh,” noise, which plays about 15 times. Skizz is confused at first, then starts doing it for fun. The same chatter from before gifts another 100 subs.

26:00 A chatter tells Skizz that fanartists draw Impulse as a demon as a reference to how he first joined Hermitcraft. ((In Impulse’s first episode of Season 3, he is “summoned” onto Hermitcraft by Tango, Mumbo and Xisuma for redstone shenanigans, summoning circle, chanting and all.)) Because Impulse and Skizz have a very “yin-yang” dynamic, fanartists draw Skizz as the angel of the pair. Skizz remembers seeing that somewhere before, and admits that he feels a lot better about that explanation than thinking that the fandom has ascribed something particularly angelic or ultra-good to him. He continues assembling tools and materials and is about to tell Chat his plan when he gets distracted by Chat again. A chatter called “Evilbutnice” gets assigned the nickname “EvilButt” because Skizz likes to say that. He may start using that as a nickname for his wife. Chat thinks Skizz just likes to say “butt.” He agrees and tells the story of the time his band teacher said “butt” and it was really funny.

28:00 Skizz visits the Bop & Go to repair his elytra. He needs to go dig a whole bunch of sand so he can buy acacia wood from Doc. Chat and Impulse (who is lurking in the stream) notice that Skizz did not touch the noteblock to reset Bop & Go. Impulse notes that this is obviously why the machine has not been getting reset lately. Skizz fixes that mistake. He notices a comment from one of his mods saying that Skizz never remembers and rarely reads and insists that he _just did_ remember (with some help.) Every other time he has remembered and Impulse just didn’t happen to be watching. He asks if Chat wants him to pull back the curtain on something, then decides he won’t after all.

30:20 Skizz takes off for the sand-gathering desert, thanking subs and donos on the way. A chatter tells him that the fanartists also like the creative irony of making the guy who toes the line of PG more than anybody else into the angel. Skizz likes that a lot. He arrives at the desert and finds it empty of sand, but does find some coal. He finds a little bit of sand and begins the laborious process of digging it out with an unenchanted iron shovel. He thinks he should probably just sue Doc instead. He decides to get out the diamond shovel even though it doesn’t have mending, just to spare himself and everyone else the agony. Chat informs him that Tango is looking for him.

33:00 Skizz quibbles with Chat over who is the assistant sleepmaster and who is assistant TO THE sleepmaster. He sends Tango his coords and makes plans to play Wordle later now that Pearl has made the redstone even better ((Dyeduction can now handle double-letter words!)) He will not play on stream again, cause that was BRUTAL last time. He digs some more sand and gets distracted by the existence of terracotta. Chat reminds him that Scar sells sand, and that Tango is on his way. Skizz tells the music to be cooler. A chatter suggests that Skizz set his spawn, just in case. He does so.

37:40 A wild Tango appears on the horizon! Skizz shoots at him, of course. Tango dodges and weaves, eventually coming into mic range and making it clear that he has not yet seen Skizz and is trying to get directions from his chat. Skizz pings him with the bow. Tango flies up to meet Skizz and asks what Skizz needs and if he just called Tango out here to grab a shovel and get to work. Skizz protests that his chat told him that Tango was looking for him! Tango admits that he needed to kill some time after doing lots of boring redstone on stream that day. Skizz sighs and makes his own greatest technical achievement: a skompass. Tango is happy that he finished his project, and when he goes back to his factory he will be able to see if the new chunkloaders actually work or if the whole thing has pooped itself again.

40:30 Tango asks Skizz what he’s up to out here. Skizz reveals his extremely self-destructive idea to freehand a new building live on stream between a building built by Bdubs and a building built by Scar. “Yeah, sure, what could go wrong?” Tango jokes. He points out that there’s no way Skizz is going to be happy with it. Skizz tells him he’s the worst cheerleader ever. Tango says he’d rather do redstone on stream than build on stream because with redstone it’s either right or it’s wrong, but with building it’s easy to spiral into doubt. Skizz describes himself ask the kid who throws himself into the deep end to see if he can swim. He’d rather know on the other side that he made a bad choice than not trying to make a choice at all. Tango asks if it’s time to go get beer and burgers yet. Skizz tells him not yet, he’s going to pick up Impulse later and they will meet up with Tango. They are both excited (and hungry!)

42:30 Skizz double-checks with Tango about Scar selling both sand and gravel. Tango agrees, but says he doesn’t know if Scar has any stock. Skizz takes off unceremoniously and only belatedly groups up with Tango to talk. Skizz tries to shoot Tango a few more times as they fly back to the factory. He hits once but doesn’t kill him. Tango calls him Failguy and tells him his Velocitay needs work. It’s probably just as well though, since Tango is already bummed about his new redstone not working. Tango explains the trouble he’s been having trying to turn off the factory when he leaves the chunk, and how his chunk loaders are not turning things off like they should. Skizz asks how the system can possibly know when Tango leaves. Tango takes Skizz into the basement and introduces him to Unpaid Intern, an endermite on a floor made of observers whose movement serves as a player detector. When the intern stops moving (because there is no player nearby) the system reacts. Skizz compares it to an accelerometer sensor, Tango agrees except it’s not working. Tango’s chat has ideas for him. Skizz follows Tango down into his truly inexplicable redstone workings and takes care of some coal ore he finds there while Tango is troubleshooting.

47:50 There is actually quite a bit of coal ore around, but Skizz is just the guy for the job! As he mines, he asks Tango if he wants to play Wordle live on stream. “No!” Tango says immediately. Skizz assures him that it is the worst. Skizz has to go because he’s busy and Tango needs to debug anyway. He sneaaaaaks around the corner with his bow, but Tango flies away before he can shoot and mocks him over the groupchat. Skizz insists he wasn’t actually going to do it, but that does not stop the mocking. Chat is ready to hunt Tango for sport, but in a nice and friendly way. Skizz gets slightly lost before finding his way out of Tango’s basement and heading for the sand shop. He thanks subs and donos as he goes. He admires Scar’s build, but there are no more shulkers of sand and only a few stacks of sand. Skizz attempts to turn diamonds into acacia with math, but it is too difficult and he won’t read chat. He’s just going to dig sand… except he’s running out of rockets. He’s going to coast home, then he’s going to go dig sand.

52:30 Skizz fetches his rockets and organizes his inventory, putting things away like a grownup and fetching his better shovel. He goes to put away the sand he has already collected and realizes he already has a shulker box with nineteen stacks of sand. He sighs and calls himself a brilliant, brilliant man. Chat is amused. Skizz is just going to pretend he didn’t even see anything and leave. He’s going to buy some acacia and get working. He’s played around just a little bit in Creative with some ideas and he also collects up some blackstone before heading back to the SD. As he flies, he plays the Bop Song for Chat. He flies to the wood shop and realize that Doc has raised prices on wood and it is now four stacks per stack. He also can’t figure out where to pay, a consistent problem this season for Doc. Chat helps him out. He buys four stacks of acacia wood.

58:30 The Bop Song ends and Skizz tells Chat that Iskall told him the other day that he’d listened to the Skizzlefarts song. He’d initially given up five seconds in, then went back later and realized it was a bop. Skizz will play the song for Chat later. He checks profits in his own shop, some sales, and goes to buy some mud. Stress’s shop is still a pop-up and living on borrowed time, but it does have mud in it. He buys three stacks, then realizes he has to run home for grass before he can build. Chat thinks they understand why Skizz runs out of rockets so often. He gets the grass and plays the Skizzlefarts song as he flies back.

1:02:00 While the song is playing, Skizz sets up a home base outside the courthouse and begins filling in grass to create an even build surface. Chat likes this song a lot. Mr Joker comes into Chat but Skizz is in the zone and doesn’t see. Chat is sympathetic and tells him that the best way to keep a secret from Skizz is to put it in his chat. Skizz does eventually notice him and says hello. In game chat, Pearl asks Skizz if he would like to be her guinea pig. Skizz doesn’t see the message. Chat starts yelling at him about it. Impulse is also in chat and helps. Skizz is busy singing the Skizzlefarts song acapella.

1:07:00 Impulse, being the good friend and hero to Chats everywhere that he is, logs into the game and accepts Pearl’s invitation graciously on Skizz’s behalf. Pearl is happy. Impulse logs out. Skizz is still not paying attention. Pearl thanks Impulse for trying, at least. Chat is howling with laughter and rage. Gem says that Skizz can’t read, he’s a hermit. It’s part of the invite process. Skizz finally notices something and opens game chat, asking how much he is supposed to be expected to read! Chat thinks Gem is very funny. Skizz figures out what is happening, agrees on his own behalf this time, and pauses the recording, telling Chat that this is why he can’t get anything done. Chat doesn’t care, they are happy to go see Pearl. Knowing what guinea pig duty usually entails on Hermitcraft, Skizz empties his inventory except for rockets and food and goes to find Pearl at the flower shop.

1:09:20 Skizz arrives at the flower shop and is greeted by Pearl. She thanks him for being a guinea pig today. Pearl proudly explains that she has improved the Wordle redstone to do double letters successfully. Skizz wails, both because that was his favorite part of Dyeduction and because he’s realizing that he’s about to play Wordle on stream again. She explains the new intricacies of the system (a correct guess in the right place will not lock the letter anymore, just light up the lamp so full words can still be played.) Pearl promises him that it’s an easy word today and asks if he wants to try Hard Mode (which is timed). Skizz agrees reluctantly. Chat has been wondering if Pearl just woke up or simply has not slept yet; she has changed things down here since the end of her stream so the consensus is “has not slept.” Skizz empties his inventory and collects all his letters, impressed by the colorful new textures for the letter tiles. Pearl gives him the clue that it’s a double letter word.

1:12:50 Skizz starts the game and plays “HORSE.” Pearl sings the Bop song with him as he puts the word into place. He gets no letters in the correct spot, but R and O are in the word. He decides to get really bold and play “TROTT,” disregarding the trouble sign that Pearl doesn’t know if that’s how you spell Trot. Chat has qualms about this choice. He plays it anyway and gets the R and O in the correct spot, but there are no Ts. He thinks about Crown, but there are no Ws. He thinks about Brown, but there are still no Ws. He decides to play CROAK just to get clues. He gets no letters in position, but there is an A in the word. He is now past half-time on the clock.

1:20:00 Hard Mode Dyeduction currently has no sound, so Pearl provides some happily trollsome noises as Skizz tries very hard to think of what double-letter word fits his current clues. He makes a lot of noises of his own, then guesses AROMA and slams the letters into place as fast as possible. He is correct! Everyone cheers! Pearl thinks that was a great word for a flower shop. Skizz gets his reward bundle and because he did hard mode, he gets the flower crown reward! Pearl has to show him how to use the bundle because he was not around for TCG last season. He puts on the crown and stands next to Pearl, looking very hippyish. He loves Pearl’s redstone. Pearl offers to show it to him, but first the game must be reset. He puts the letters away and resets, but has forgotten the castoff barrel letters. He suggests to Pearl that she should put up a sign to remind people, she reminds him that Hermits don’t read things. He has to agree.

1:24:00 Pearl gives Skizz the grand tour of her “noodles,” the intricate and Pearl-optimized system of redstone that powers the game. It is much bigger than last time Skizz visited the game. He has no idea what is happening or how. She shows him a test system that she built with Xisuma while working on the double letter system. Skizz may or may not understand the redstone system, but he can definitely take care of the coal lurking in Pearl’s walls. She tells him to be careful of the water behind the walls and he yelps and jumps back, but she’s not too worried since this was only a test system. Skizz still does not want to take chance. If he broke this redstone, he would probably disconnect and not come back for a month.

1:28:00 Skizz compliments Pearl again on her awesome redstone. Pearl is justifiably proud of herself, saying she didn’t really think this would be her redstone season, but it turns out it really is. Skizz decides he’s going to do something for Pearl. Pearl hopes he is going to give her some redstone. Nope, he is going to hit her up (off-stream, of course) for a new project. She asks if it’s a redstone project and he tells her of course it is. “Oh no!” Pearl replies, but she is interested. Skizz tells her it has to be perfect but then gets distracted because he has somehow gotten himself incredibly stuck inside a composter. There is a block over his head and he cannot get out, and he can’t break the block because there is redstone on it. Chat pauses in their laughing just long enough to suggest an ender pearl might be the only way out of this one. Pearl finds an “Ender-me” and gives it to him, letting him escape his ridiculous predicament. Pearl reminisces about back in the day when the first version of Wordle was basically impossible to break. This version is very breakable, in a number of ways. Tango raids into the stream, though he doesn’t appear to realize he’s done so successfully based on his chat messages.

1:31:00 Pearl thanks Skizz for his guinea pig services as Skizz recovers his inventory and eats. He assures her that he is always ready to be a guinea pig for her redstone improvements and heads out. He flies back to the law office and welcomes the raiders, then thanks subs and donos. Tango’s chat says Tango needs to do his hair to get ready for the man-date.

1:34:30 Skizz restarts recording and gets back to work! He is using path blocks to sketch out the design of the building. He starts putting down acacia blocks, then yells “Assistant Sleepmaster!” and dives into bed even as Chat responds with a score of “TO THE.” With the sun back up, he takes the acacia back down and changes the shape slightly. Chat is concerned about blocking the bridge, but Skizz wants to leave enough room for Joe to have an office too, if he wants one. He moves his design over slightly. In stream chat, Gem confirms that the bridge has plenty of room.

1:43:00 Skizz does a little terraforming to get his design the way he wants it. Chat reminds him to eat. Tango announces in game chat that he fixed his iron issue, Gem and Skizz are proud of him. Skizz starts placing acacia again. He explains his patterning idea to Chat, a checkerboard of acacia logs that will get largely moved or covered as the build progresses. He is going to need more acacia. Skizz is a scaffolding guy, so he sets some of that up as well as he works. Chat says that Joe may not need half the space since he talked on stream about possibly building a law office into his Tuff shop. Skizz acknowledges that is a possibility, but told Joe he would leave the space open until he decided where he wanted his office. Skizz does not need such a large space to build on anyway. Law offices should not be the size of courthouses!

1:53:00 Skizz shows off the first wall, which seems promising. He reminds Chat that this could all wind up being torn down, but he still is happy that he’s trying. Chat gives him suggestions on how to optimize acacia use, since he is using lots and lots of expensive logs with this design. He sings a borderline inappropriate song but stops before the bad parts, then goes and sleeps again. Chat helps him correct an alignment in one of the pillars, and wall-building continues. Chat is restive about a design defect in the second wall, Skizz eventually notices that as well, but he doesn’t have the right acacia wood to correct it.

2:03:00 Doc loves to make Skizz miserable, so it’s back to Big Wood to trade more sand for acacia. He spends the rest of his shulker of sand for three more stacks of acacia, but he’s not going to be gracious about it! Chat shakes their head over out-of-control inflation. Skizz returns, realizes that he can’t actually correct the pattern in such a way that both walls are correct. He makes the front wall correct at the expense of the tiny side wall in the hope that nobody but Chat will notice. Chat reminds him to start recording. He builds some more, sleeps again, and admits he does the assistant sleepmaster bit because he hates the darkness in Minecraft. He puts more top pillars on and wishes he had Swift Sneak, but he does not because he was MURDERED. He puts some mud brick on the ground around the building to show Chat his idea for how the ground will look. Chat likes it, and also likes the noise mud bricks makes.

2:13:00 Skizz runs into one more pattern issue on the back wall but takes Chat’s suggestion on how to get around it sneakily with a pillar. He tells a cute story about the time his daughter met her great-grandmother for the first time and immediately said “I like your face!” Chat suggests the possibility that just going and chopping acacia wood might be easier than digging dozens of stacks of sand. He misplaces a log and yells about it, then cheerfully informs new chatters that he is Skizz and he likes to freak out about NOTHING. He looks at the building and realizes that the office is too small inside. He has to knock out the back wall and build it out bigger. He sleeps again, then takes the opportunity to rip out the side as well to correct some subtle pattern troubles.

2:21:00 A chatter asks who built Skizz’s (as yet unboxed) new PC. Skizz admits it was awhile ago now and he doesn’t remember for sure, but he thinks the company was called Apex. He has more pattern trouble and blames Chat for letting him do that. It turns out that ripping out the wall did not solve the pattern problem but it also does not make it any worse. Skizz needs more wood. He heads for the desert.

2:27:00 Skizz arrives back at the desert and realizes he forgot his bed. He gets digging. It is much faster with his better shovel this time. He insists that Chat had better remind him to start recording when he gets back. He talks with Chat about the movie The Fifth Element. He finds a pillager raid and spends some sand to bury them. He forgot to bring his bow, but the sand works well enough. He talks with Chat about filming the 100th episode of the podcast. It’s going to be all about reflecting on what they’ve learned so far, and Skizz may or may not have indulged in some adult beverage during the filming. There will also be official Imp and Skizz merch coming out! Chat is excited.

2:36:00 Skizz admits that it might be faster to just chop wood at this point, but he’s already dug up all this sand! He and Impulse are both very proud of putting out 100 podcast episodes without ever missing a week. He muses that Doc is winning by making Skizz dig all this sand, and it is a situation that may require Poe Poe intervention. He finds a ruined portal and is pleased to learn that they come with a gold block, though this one’s chest has been looted. He digs quite a bit, just to make sure the chest is not hiding in secret. Chatters send him some nice messages. He talks about the nature of friendship, and how knowing that even the best friendships are subject to disagreements and distance can help you not to take people for granted. He is willing to consider the possibility that, after being friends over these 100 episodes, he and Impulse may end up being friends forever. Also, if someone wants to sue Doc again, Skizz is totally ready for it. He is also willing to be Doc’s lawyer!

2:44:00 Skizz talks about Mumbo’s pinky-training short and how funny it is. He is nearly done with his sand-digging now, but his shovel is also getting quite low. He talks with Chat about My Cousin Vinny and how great it is, and also that he has seen Rusty_Courage’s latest animatic and it is great. He packs up his shulkers and heads back for the shopping district. A chatter asks what his favorite Mel Brooks film is, it is Spaceballs.

2:48:30 Skizz repairs his shovel at the Bop N Go, but does not stay for the song. He forgets to hit the noteblock. Chat reminds him and he tells them that was a test for Chat. He gets more rockets (it has been a very rocket-heavy day) and heads back to Big Wood. A chatter asks if it’s really 111 degrees in Arizona, Skizz does not know because he hasn’t been outside in hours. A chatter’s young child asks if there will be more animated shorts, Skizz has none in the works but he wants to do more. He does Sand Math and buys twelve stacks of acacia, then heads back to the office.

2:54:10 Skizz turns the recording back on and keeps building his walls. Chat reminds him not to be late for his man-date with Tango and Impulse. While he works, he practices his elytra-bouncing technique and plays with the voice-changer. He particularly hates a song on the background track and frantically removes it. Chat declares Skizz is in a mood, he proudly declars himself “a mood.” He talks about the movie Speed and how it briefly made Young Skizz want to be a cop so he could do things like jump into buses from moving cars.

3:01:00 Skizz works on the top pattern row and goes to make his pillars. Chatters are commenting, rightly or wrongly, about pattern problems, but Skizz is in a hurry and has given up on caring about the pattern so much. He likes the sound of stripping acacia. He finishes and gets a long look with freecam, declaring that he actually does not hate it! He adds some more mud bricks to the floor for a better look at that and tells Chat he will terradorm later. Chat approves the building and says the hermits will make a builder of him yet.

3:07:50 Skizz finishes and stops recording, then corrects a few more stripping issues. He likes the whole thing in general and will be interested to see how the roof looks when it goes on. There’s a lot more to do, but he’s got to go out with some guys Chat may know, Eyem-puls-ave and Tingoo. He says he may stream tomorrow, then raids into Jojosolos and ends his stream.

[mcytblrsexymen]

Highlights from the Mod Chat Pt. 2

[ID: discord message from Fiendish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, reading: why are you telling me what's bumming people out on twitter]

[ID: discord message from fake GeorgeNotFound fan, reading: I saw that. First of all, who is out here saying we have principles, It has been reacted to with the Clap emoji 10 times.]

[ID: discord message replying to Fiendish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, reading: get gud, I started in he... the reply from number one howl simp reads: whats the term for skill issue but in reverse. thats u it has been reacted to with the Laugh emoji three times]

[ID: discord message from fake GeorgeNotFound fan, reading: looked at this message, went over to Spotify to type in the song I wanted to lsiten to and go halfway through typing "Wilbur soot" instead It has been reacted to with the Laugh emoji five times]

[ID: discord message from classically trained drabbler, reading: okay im getting back to voter frauding]

[ID: message from SAD GAYISMS for SEXYLAMPNAP, reading: tumblr this is a terrible message to give me because now i know i can try Homestuck01 on accounts en masse and eventually get into one an image of a tumblr alert reading "That password is known to be included in compromised password lists. Please choose something more unique."]

[ID: discord message from Fiending Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, with a picture of the GoodTimesWithScar v Technoblade poll attached. The messages read: Someone reported it for mature content I appealed]

[ID: discord message from roxxy, reading: in ither news i need you all to know i just sent a bee to hell with a hose it has been reacted to with the CryCatScream emoji six times]

[ID: discord message from a capricious and willful god, reading: doc officially won rendoc divorce]

[ID: discord message from [binaural + bisexual], reading: IS THIS HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOUR TEAM WINS THE SUPERBOWL It has been reacted to with the Laugh emoji seven times]

[ID: discord message from Fiending Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, reading: holy shit that poll was a thousand years of battle]

[ID: discord conversation: [Binaural + Bisexual]: loving the grian fans cheering for his demise SAD GAYISMS for SEXYLAMPNAP: we did it for the daily-grian mod husband even let me vote on his account i love being married the first message from sexylampnap has been reacted to 7 times with the 100 emoji]

[ID: discord from [binaural + bisexual], responding to an image from Fiendish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs: okay so here's the deal: you play stupid games you get blocked it has been reacted to once with the 100 emoji]

[ID: discord message from former leash kid, reading: i wont start shit [two "press x to doubt" reacts] promise]

[ID: discord message from VOTE FOR TECHNOBLADE, reading: Tbh I think I'm gonna rally the techno voters (all 1.5 of them who follow me) to vote for scar because our block guy deserves to get beaten by the sexyman champion it has been reacted with the 100 emoji 3 times]

[ID: discord messag from Fiendish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, reading: the siren song of infographics]

[ID: discord message from Fiendsish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, reading: instructions unclear: who? a photo of a twitter comment from loeufmf reading "I WANT THAT TWINK OBTLIRATED" is attached]

[ID: discord message from undercover weeb, reading: I'm fairly certain Wilbur would be delighted to have sexual tension with Grian it has been reacted to twice with the pointing emoji]

[ID: discord message from Fiendish Bots/Glorious SIdeblogs, reading: yeah the appropriate way to respond is "excuse me you could balance a glass of champage on this ass" it has been reacted to nine times with the Clap emoji]

[ID: discord message from classically trained drabbler, reading: he is so cute but also human cleo is disgusting and offputting to me]

[ID: discord message from roxxy, reading: this is making me emotional, weirdly and its not the q in fishnets...... Hm it has been reacted to four times with the Laugh emoji]

[ID: discord message reading: I'm seeing mcytblrsecxymen posts being blocked for the word "terf" and I was like damn what fresh discourse is this you're dealing with??? Anyway it's the word quarterfinals it has been reacted to with the Sob emoji four times]

[ID, discord conversation: classically trained drabbler: listen our guy is fighting here in the trenches alongside us while your guy sips wine and plays his harp away from the battlefield. vote for joe, a guy of the people [binaural + bisexual]: A true sexyman lets other people get their hands dirty]

[ID: discord message from former leash kid, reading: i think i'm going to vote etho bc it's what doc would want from me]

[ID: discord message reading: listen everything that I'm learning about joe makes him seem like the coolest guy ever actually like. damn I would sit down to drink with him. however quackity looks like a lesbian in that one photoshoot so like recognizes like and whatever It has been reacted to two times with the 100 emoji and three times with Pensive]

[ID: discord conversation: SAD GAYISMS for SEXYLAMPNAP: i live voter fraud c/ping passeords is the best idea i've ever had classically trained drabbler: guys i know voter fraud is fun and sexy but the joeguys are outnumbered 40 to one pls be nice to us SAD GAYISMS for SEXYLAMPNAP: IM EVIL]

[ID: discord message from [binaural + bisexual], reading: bad sleep schedules rule the polls, 😔 it has been reacted to three times with the Pensive emoji]

[ID: discord conversation: Fiendish Bots/Glorious Sideblogs, attaching an image of a tumblr comment where user honq said "IF YOU VOTE QUACKITY I"LL DRAW ETHO AND HIM KISSING!" [binaural + bisexual]: that is a fascinating offer]

[ID: discord message reading: I was on call w her and my mum today talking about how much fun I'm having and my mother wanted to see what the fuss was about so she googled "Minecraft poll" and said wow they do one every year! it has been reacted to six times with the Laugh emoji and eight times with the Joy emoji]

[ID: discord message reading: now time to throw my whole ass into voting for cleo thank god I am a feminist]

[jaspersfeelinartsy]

Doodles from before I watched the Cleo v. Doc trial ;)

Me: "yeahhh, Joe's gonna throw the book at 'em"

Joe: "your honor highness, my client is a baby/manchild"

[tunastime]

A Moment Called Forever

waves my hands about! this is the first chapter (ish) of the docsuma SEN fic for my au I created for Stretching Endless Night!! it is. eventual docsuma! but I wanted to go into detail about who xisuma and his crew were before the Prometheus, before tango met jimmy, and before ethubs had their near fatal mission :3 so here it is! yaay!!

Xisuma pilots a ship known as the HSS Moonrise. His career begins--and nearly ends--with the crew and missions aboard during the first five years of his captain's career. Doc, the right hand to a captain far too young to be piloting, rebuilds himself from the ground up alongside the crew of a ship that's become family. At the same time, he watches his captain grow and change and root himself firmly into his life. Or: Doc and Xisuma watch their lives change and reflect each other. Or: how the Prometheus station came to be, and how its Admiral, alongside his captains, help it blossom. (2414 words)

Stationed ELMSC-14, stardate 2204.60. Deployed: Cpt. Xisuma V. LtCmd. Doc M., LtCmd. Cleo Z., Lt. Slip G., Lt. Mumbo J., Lt. Tango T. Stationed: Lt. Biffa T.

Conditions: visibility, 50km, clear, winds NW 2km. Communications established. Radar operational. Pinging team leader.

Xisuma shuts the screen on his visor, blocking out the binary suns and washing the world in shade and orange grids. Elm is devoid of surface life, long since uninhabited by the companies that had mined underground. In front of him stretches orange-red sand and large, smooth cliffs. It reminds him a lot of pictures of Earth—deserts and mesas with the sun high ahead of them. Tango’s voice crackles to life, then smoothes out as he speaks.

“So what’re we lookin’ for, X?”

X turns his head, glancing back at Tango a pace behind him. To Tango’s left is Mumbo, with a bag slung across his chest, much like Xisuma. Tango hefts the core sampler further up onto his back—likely less from the weight and more to keep balanced. 

“Anything,” Xisuma answers truthfully. “Like you both know, this place was abandoned ages ago. Anything we can find to either prove it’s worth using or prove it’s good to leave is good for HASA.”

Mumbo sighs. 

“Wow,” he says. “Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen soil this orange before.”

“I’ve never seen soil,” Tango jokes, voice dipping as he elbows Mumbo. Mumbo snorts, shoving him sideways.

“We get it, robo-man.”

Tango scoffs—or makes a noise that sounds just like it.

“Android! First of all!” he huffs. Xisuma sees him fold his arms when he glances back. “Anyway—the red comes from enriched iron deposits in the sediment. Partially magnesium as well.”

Below his visor, Xisuma grins.

“Says the man who’s never seen soils,” he pipes up. Mumbo laughs.

“Just because I’ve never seen ‘em doesn’t mean I didn’t learn everything I know from skimming Biff’s books,” Tango says. 

“You’ve got a point,” X says. He hears Tango agree with him, something that crackles into obscurity as Cleo’s voice rings clear through the communicator.

“Xisuma,” she says.

“Go ahead,”

“Hey—” Cleo starts. “We’ve not found anything over here yet, and we’re about a kilometer or so from the first dig point. Should we keep going?”

“Affirmative, Cleo,” Xisuma says. “You all can keep going—we’re about 800 meters from ours, so we’ll stop here before we move onto the next one.”

Tango jogs to walk at his side, pulling up his projection of Elm’s surface. Laid out in a flat grid, Xisuma can see their current point, a small blip on the screen, and the location they’re trying to reach, a larger, solid shape behind the next crest. He leans into Tango’s space to glance at the map, and Tango bumps their shoulders together. Leaning back, smile on his face, Xisuma says:

“I want to get at least two done each today before we get back to the ship. That only leaves three total for tomorrow, and it’s more than likely we’ll be able to extrapolate one from orbit.”

“Heard,” Cleo says. “We’ll let you know if we find anything interesting, yeah?”

“Please do!” X chirps. “That’s the whole point of us being out here.”

Doc’s voice breaks through the communicator as he laughs. 

“Aye, aye, Captain,” he says. X snorts, shaking his head.

“Be safe out there, you lot—” he laughs. “Cleo, Slip, Doc—”

“Why me?” Doc cuts through. 

“Accident prone,” Tango supplies. 

Xisuma laughs, waving his hand. 

“Okay, okay,” he says, trying to quell the conversation. “Let us know if you find anything of note, or if we can help you at all after our two digs. We’ve got about 3 kilometers total today, so we may have a little less further to go than you.”

“Will do, Captain,” Cleo says. “Thanks, X.”

“Sure thing.”

Xisuma hums to himself, amused, as Cleo’s transmission ends. The three, Tango, Xisuma, Mumbo, walk in a line along the orange rock and sand, following the path of the map and Tango’s guidance. Tango steps ahead of Xisuma, curled over the map, shoulders hunched as he walks. He walks with the surety of someone who can see nearly everything around him, without interference or blindspots. He follows the bob of Tango’s head, caught in the yellow shimmer of his overlay as they walk. They make it up a rise and partway down into a valley. The sand kicks up behind them, swirling and settling as they go. Their bootprints in the rock and dirt are obscured as soon as they’re made.

The valley sits in a low between two other large faces, though the area itself is raised high above the ground. The rocky plateau dips and curves, creating large holes in the rock, smooth hills, and flat rises. If Xisuma were to walk a kilometer out to the west, he could see where the cliff face drops into the depression below, a sunken crater from mining operations in the years prior.

After a few minutes, Tango slows to pause, turning to look back at the two behind him. Though Xisuma can barely see his bright, neon eyes from behind the visor, he can tell when he meets eyes with both of them, nodding. Xisuma tilts his head.

“Here?” he asks.

Tango nods.

“Looks like it from our map, here,” he says, holding it out for X to look at. The blip of red against the screen is right over their geographical point for their first dig. Xisuma nods, then, unclipping his data pad from his hip and beginning to note down their surroundings.

“I’ll start field conditions while you two start the sample,” he says. “You remember what we’re looking for?”

“How could I forget?” Tango pipes up, patting his helmet with his glove. Xisuma snorts. He’s not sure it picks up through their linked comms, but he’s sure the shake of his head gets his notion across.

“Let Mumbo help you, alright?” he says. Tango shoots him a thumbs up. 

Mumbo unhooks the drill machine from Tango’s bag, setting the chunky piece of equipment into the dirt. The two begin the process of setting up the sample drill together, lifting the bulky box to release the feet, straightening it to level. Xisuma turns away from them, staring out across the orange sand and yellow sky, still instinctively shielding his face from the binary suns. He can see across the valley and to another crest, the wide slopes bright orange and gold in the early day light. From behind his visor, Xisuma smiles, laughing to himself.

The conditions are clear, low wind, cold. It’s not a planet that ever housed life on the surface, so the frigid conditions aren’t an issue. X is certain something likely could survive, human, humanoid, or otherwise, but nothing ever did that anyone saw. He was hopeful that it remained that way, though no scan of the surface and ten feet under gave anything away. He marks down what he could classify the soil as by sight, but the soil tests would have to confirm what he knew once they got back to the ship. When he turns back to Mumbo and Tango, Tango is crouched by the core-sampler, watching it dig into the sand and rock, and Mumbo is sitting against a rock, staring at the orange sky. He makes his way back over, setting the data pad back on his hip.

“Workin’ fine?” he asks.

Mumbo nods, giving him a thumbs up.

“Working great,” he says. “Looks like it’ll be about fifteen minutes until we get a complete sample, and we can start analysis while we’re hiking to the next point.”

X nods.

“Tango,” he asks. Tango’s head perks up. “Where is the next data point?”

“Good question,” Tango starts. He unlatches his communicator, pulling up the map projection. “It looks like about a kilometer. To the northeast, so we might meet Cleo, Doc, and Slip on the way, if they haven’t reached their second waypoint. Theirs is due north of ours.”

Xisuma nods.

“About a thirty minute walk?” he asks. Tango nods. 

“Just about.”

“Fantastic.”

For a long moment, Xisuma watches the core-sampler rotate slowly. He watches the percentages rise and fall as Tango starts to talk about what he expects the composition of the soil will be. Mumbo pipes up at some point, adding to the bidding, though the two quickly lapse into chatter about the next project they might receive. Where Mumbo specialized in many of the ship’s electronic components, Tango had quickly caught on, in their nearly two and a half, if not three, years together, to how the major functions of the ship worked. He could make repairs quicker than the rest of the team, especially in orbit. There was more EVA time recorded by Tango than any other member of the crew—with no need for oxygen, and with sun exposure being his only real worry, Tango could work quickly outside in minimal conditions. In fact, if Xisuma hadn’t been worried about wind and UV damage, Tango probably wouldn’t have donned a suit for this mission. But he did, and he stood looking small against the orange sand.

As the drill lifts the sample into one of its chambers, Tango begins the shutdown process. He and Mumbo lift the legs into the machine, boxing it together and reattaching the carrying strap. Dusting off the surface, Tango slings it over one shoulder, resettling it on his back.

“Alright,” Xisuma says cheerily. “Are you all ready?”

There’s a beat between when Xisuma finishes speaking and when Tango goes to answer. In that beat, no more than a second, there’s a high-pitched ringing in Xisuma’s ears. He squeezes his eyes shut. And in the less-than-a-second afterward, the air and ground wobbles, and something, not even two kilometers away, explodes. 

Xisuma ducks on instinct, stumbling as the sound and air hits him. He hears Mumbo’s voice through the communicator—what he thinks is Mumbo’s, because he doesn’t hear anything else until the ringing fades and he rights himself. He whips around, trying to find the source of the explosion, searching for anything, really, to make things make sense, to place a face to the sound, sharp and still stinging his ears. He sees a plume of sand and smoke in the distance. The back of his mouth suddenly feels very, very dry.

“Tango—” he shouts. “Mumbo, are you two—”

“Fine!” Mumbo says. “Tango’s fine, too—”

“‘M right here, what—”

“An explosion?” Xisuma manages. “I dunno—”

Xisuma chokes on his next breath as he tries to force the words out. His hand comes to his wrist, fiddling with his communicator.

“That wasn’t that far—” Tango starts.

“Cleo,” Xisuma starts, paging his lieutenant. “Cleo, Doc, Slip, are you three all alright?”

“Xisuma—” Cleo says, words crackling. The crackling never fades, though, like she’s caught in static. Her words come choppy through the haze. “Something just—we hit something—”

“Cleo, what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Cleo manages. Her voice is wobbily. “Something we dug up—my vision’s busted, I-I can’t find Slip and Doc—”

Xisuma freezes. Very quickly, all of his joints go cold, down to his wrist and fingertips. He swallows hard, forcing down the heartbeat in his throat and pulling in a breath of oxygen too sharp and too cold.

“Tango,” he starts, voice leveling. Static surfaces and fades in his visor, the remnant of heat and dust washing over them as he tastes the tang of filtered air in his mouth. “Comm Biffa and tell him to bring the ship as close as he can to the second extraction point—” he turns, facing the two of them. “It has a bigger trauma kit on board. If someone’s suit got damaged it’s not gonna last long.”

“Okay,” Tango manages, taking a step back. Xisuma watches him fiddle with the transponder on his wrist before he sees his name blink from his HUD as he switches channels.

“Mumbo how far is their extraction point from here?” Xisuma asks, recalling the projection of the map of their portion of Elm. He can see the faint blip of Cleo’s transponder across the terrain.

“It’s—maybe a few kilometers. It’s not far? I think—I think it’s not far. I—” Mumbo stutters. “Yeah. Why?”

“Biffa won’t make it in time—” Xisuma says, tightening the straps for his bag, the data pad at his side. He brings up the overlay for both the extraction points and the dig locations. “I mean—he can get to you, but I need someone on board who knows how to set up the trauma kit, and that’s you, Mumbo. And I need someone to make sure we don’t damage the sample.”

“Do you think you’ll make it in time?” Mumbo asks.

“I—I have to, don’t I? I need you and Tango to stay here.”

“Woah—” Tango starts. “Captain, I—that’s a huge risk—”

“Tango,” Xisuma starts. “Lieutenant, I need someone with Mumbo, you’re the only one who can co-navigate with Biffa out of the two of you, and I need Mumbo in medical. And someone has to fetch the sample. Can I trust you to do that, Tango?”

“Yes—yessir.”

“Good—what’s Biffa’s ETA?”

“He—with takeoff sequence, he’ll be able to make it here in 35 minutes.”

“That’s good,” Xisuma manages. “That’s all we can ask for—we can work with that, can’t we?”

He laughs. It’s thin and weak, but Mumbo lets out a heh in response that washes over his nerves like a salve. He swallows, trying to get the dry feeling out of his mouth. He turns toward the plume of smoke for a moment, eyes flicking back to the group.

“X,” Tango says. “Be careful.”

Right. Okay. Xisuma shudders out a sigh. It’s more of a whistle, really, through the helmet. He does it because he thinks he can feel bile rising in his throat, and he’d really not like to get sick with no way of cleaning anything out.Something small in his abdomen curls up, tight and heavy. In that same moment, he sets his jaw. His vision is clouded with the heavy orange overlay, cutting through the rise of smoke that’s just started to cloud his vision. Turning back to Tango, he nods firmly.

“Tango—”

“I have comm until you get back,” Tango says, nodding back at him.

“Yes—” Xisuma starts. “Good luck. Good luck.” 

Stepping backward, Xisuma feels a cold rush through his body. Then he turns, fully, toward the smoke.

[enkays-den]

CLEO V DOC COURT IS TOMORROW

[ghostyclay]

While I’m throwing spaghetti at the wall of your inbox, do you have a preference of hermits? -Chandelier

No and its turning into a problem LMFAO (i wish my days had more than 24 hours so i could watch all the hermits...)

I used to only watch Grians POV during season 7, 8 and 9, but season 10 suddenly made me hyperfixate on hermitcraft and now i mainly watch: Grian, Scar, Mumbo, Etho, Joel, Joe, Doc, Gem and Zedaph.

I occasionally watch False, Stress, Impulse, Xisuma, Skizz, Cleo and Ren, but my fav are the ones above :D

Speaking of fav hermits, im currently working on a lil Etho and Mumbo cosplay... I recommend my tiktok if anyone who follows my tumblr wants to see those :3

(Also, regarding the spaghetti in my inbox, its v tasty and ive alr started planning out some of the art, hopefully it will be done soon :3)

[legally-allowed-to-slime]

i was originally going to make a post about any highlights in the cleo v doc court case but this is far too funny. every single moment is packed with comedy gold. i can’t stop laughing, oh my god

[theminecraftbee]

> check social links

(Which Social Link should I check on...?)

0 FOOL School Rescue Committee Should this really be an official school club? The group of Persona-users that I'm in now, whether I like it or not. At least I'm helping people by doing all this weird magic nonsense...

I MAGICIAN Scar A fellow Persona-user a year below me, although my senior in fighting Shadows. He's dragged me into his scam crystal-selling operation, which is actually weirdly fun.

II PRIESTESS Beef Pretty large and muscular for a priestess, but sure, I'll bite. A volunteer EMT who is trying to decide whether to follow his family's wishes for university.

III EMPRESS Gem A fellow Persona-user in my year. She wants me to help her study for entrance exams, apparently. Not sure why she's asking me, I missed an entire semester? But it's good enough study for me as well.

IV EMPEROR Impulse A fellow Persona-user in my year. He has a single-minded devotion to overworking himself, despite the fact he seems to be trying to prove it's fine for some reason.

V HIEROPHANT Xisuma An older man who hangs out in the local tea shop. Keeps trying to parent me for some reason, although it seems like his relationship with his actual family's a bit less good, so maybe that's why.

VI LOVERS Etho My lab partner. The whole school's obsessed with him for some reason. My only solace is that he seems to be just as disconcerted by that fact as I am.

VII CHARIOT Skizzleman A fellow Persona-user in my year, and my first friend in this town. I'm helping him find a part-time job. He's sort of ridiculously cheerful, but I know he understands me better than most people.

VIII JUSTICE Grian A fellow Persona-user a year below me, although my senior in fighting Shadows. Keeps dragging me into his pranks, although for such a gregarious guy, he's weirdly isolated.

IX HERMIT Joe Hills One of my teachers, and the head of the School Rescue Committee. He's, frankly, the most bizarre guy I know, and I don't know what to make of any of the "wisdom" he tries to impart on us.

X FORTUNE Tango Apparently, he's a bit of a prodigy in the robotics club, but he first came to me to confess he's considering quitting. I have no idea why this is my problem, but Impulse frowned at me about it, so here I am.

XI STRENGTH False A local martial artist who's been decorated with a number of titles. I just wanted her to teach me how to fight better, but apparently, she's starting to doubt her own fighting ability as well.

XII HANGED MAN Jimmy Igor's assistant in the Velvet Room. He's a bit of an idiot, but he's also my idiot. Mostly wants to request I escort him to places in the human world, although he wants specific fusions sometimes too.

XIII DEATH Cleo A "florist" in town who can source us weapons and fence goods from Altered Space. I'm pretty sure she's actually Yakuza, or at least criminal. She and Joe know each other, although strangely, she doesn't seem to remember from where.

XIV TEMPERANCE Iskall and Stress Two priests at the local shrine. I work for them occasionally to help them with odd jobs around town. They share some common past they don't like to talk about.

XV DEVIL Ren The student council president. He's bizarrely mad with power on a good day, which is weird, because he's also bizarrely kickable on a good day. Keeps on trying to rope me into the Student Council.

XVI TOWER Doc An inventor trying to invent a safe new clean energy source. According to rumors, his last try exploded, killing his lab partner, which constantly makes me question why I'm here.

XVII STAR Zedaph Proprietor of the famous local "Mystery Stir Fry Extravaganza". Frankly, his creations terrify me more than Doc's do. I have no idea why this is Impulse's favorite restaurant.

XVIII MOON Mumbo A fellow Persona-user in the year below me. Apparently, he still gets bullied a lot, but he has a scheme to, and I quote, 'learn to be something scary, like a horse.' Good luck with that, mate.

XIX SUN Pearl An artist that I've always admired. Recently, she was in a terrible car accident, and her hands now constantly shake because of it. I still think she can draw organic shapes better than me, though.

XX JUDGEMENT Soul Reappearance Committee Judgement. Hah. I guess you'd call this Judgement Day, sure.

XXI THE WORLD ... It's me.

[sherlockisademigod]

The Hermit’s handwriting

Bdubs: Doesn’t really pay attention to his handwriting. As long as he can read it it’s fine, right? Cub: He used to be able to write with clinical precision (bc scientist), but something about the Vex magic screwed up how his hand answers to the neurons Mumbo: He grew up writing cursive, so his writing tends to be connected. He also writes small to maximize space in his journal

Scar: Scar writes very wide to compensate for his dyslexia, but the Vex magic also messed up his hand-to-neuron stuff so stuff gets connected because his hand doesn’t move right Doc: Writing with a metal arm is very not-comfy, so Doc writes with as many lines as possible to minimize how much he has to write Joe: Because Joe doesn’t like staying in one place at all times, and therefore moves a lot, he writes with quick strokes, sometimes belaying the dot on the i and the cross on the t to make it faster

Xisuma: Since he’s often the one writing server reports, his writing is the most clearest. Both he and Grian circle their i’s and sometimes even write their a’s in funny ways, since their home language is galactic, not English Etho: Because he does redstone, he writes in big, easy to see letters so he can take a quick glance and the wall and keep on building Grian: Both he and Xisuma circle their i’s and sometimes even write their a’s in funny ways, since their home language is galactic, not English. It’s very messy and the only ones other then him who can read it are Bdubs, Mumbo, Xisuma, and Taurtis

Stress: Since she doesn’t know cursive, Stress likes swirling her s’s and looping her t’s to make it more stylized Gem: Since she also doesn’t know cursive, Gem came up with her own brand of it. However, because it messes with Scar’s dyslexia she’ll sometimes write in comic sans as well. Cleo: After her death Joe taught her how to write. Alright, it looks like a child’s, but she’s a zombie, half of her brains are gone.

Keralis: The amount of building with rough materials like bricks or concrete he does has messed up the nerves in his hands, so his writing is often unsteady and shaky Hypno: He doesn’t write a lot because he used to get bullied in school for writing very large and he doesn’t want a repeat of that on the server. However because Grian and Bdub’s writing exist, he’s started to open up a bit more. Hey, at least his writing is readable! Beef: Beef has very steady hands (because you can’t have shaky hands while beheading a goat), but he often looses track of what he’s writing, so his letters can come out loopy and slanted in 5 different directions

Ren: His writing used to be very neat, but ever since 3rd life his hand becomes unsteady when they grip small objects, including pens, which results in his handwriting XB: His hand is unused to writing because the majority of his early life was spent in the sea, which results in writing that looks like it was written by someone with shot nerves False: Most of the other Hermitgals say her writing is the best, simply because False makes her writing very plain, with no attempted cursive or swirls

Tango: As a demon of sorts he’s unused to writing in English. Because his base language looks very similar to Hindi, characters that look like that often get written wrong Zedaph: His words, which run a marathon in his brain daily, are almost always written down as quickly as possible, often with splotches of ink covering up words TFC: Old age means that writing doesn’t come very easily for TFC, so when he ever needs to write his name he shortens it to prevent a disaster

Iskall: Because of his cybernetic eye, Iskall sometimes can’t correctly judge the distance between two objects, and this includes his letters as well. His writing is usually cramped, filled in with last minute letters he forgot Jevin: As a slime, Jevin isn’t used to writing. Joe once told him to imagine u’s and v’s as valleys and n’s as hills, but back then Jevin thought a mountain was a hill and now he peaks all his n’s Wels: He’s used to writing cursive all right, just not modern cursive or even modern English

Pearl: Pearl’s the only Hermitgal who can write something that vaguely looks like cursive, and even though she doesn’t realize, it’s because Scott taught her a few things before Empires S1 ended Impulse: Like Tango, he’s a demon of sorts. He’s had less practice with English then Tango, which is why sometimes his writing, if you squint at it, looks like his base demonic language (Tango and Impulse’s names in their native language under the cut)

[gr1an]

look I mean you already said you have a healthy appreciation for rare polyships so--

I mean if you happen to have any fic recommendations? or even current / past headcanons that make you feel emotions? plz and thank you :)

important warning: everything here is probably going to have some level of nsfw, and probably a lot at that. i think the first fic is the only one that’s rated lower than E. bc as an adult reading a romance about adults that doesn’t involve sex (unless the characters are asexual) doesn’t like. it’s not realistic. for me. there are some characters that i 100% in my head know that they would fuck before even considering saying “i love you” and that influences what fics i read. also i really really don’t see sex as that big of a deal most of the time, for characters i see it as just another facet of them that is interesting to explore!! anyway let’s get into this!!

OH BOY so this fic made me get into clockers and the later ones in the series are nsfw but they’re also Very Good! it’s bdubs x impulse x scar in double life and i’m not super 100% down with the grian characterization but it’s still good!!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337673

this one is also very explicit but it’s jimmy x grian x doc in a hypothetical new season of secret life and it’s silly with a/b/o dynamics and i like the way it’s explored and how the trios get set up and i’m not sure if i finished it? but from what i remember it’s v good https://archiveofourown.org/works/40628835

THIS ONEEEEEEE OMG yeah it’s “bdubs and joel are Totally Normal About the other’s relationship with etho” https://archiveofourown.org/works/51115180

this one is fun. two brats (scar and grian) make a dom and tango is just along for the ride https://archiveofourown.org/works/45468820

AAAAAA THIS ONE THAT FOREVER CHANGED HOW I SEE THE SL ROOMIES DYNAMIC!! grian/cleo/etho/gem wonderfulness as an a/b/o au https://archiveofourown.org/series/3859900

ok that’s enough for now i’m scared to recommend any more bc this so far has been. a pretty sfw account? and i’m cool with it staying that way. just. insight into how i think about dynamics. sex is in fact a big part of what i consider! there’s probably more to unpack bc of the years i spent as a mormon with that whole. lack of even being able to talk about sex that has made me so adamant about including it in how i see characters.