#clearly this second thing is the most important aspect

[mariusperkins]

Not really sure what the point of the Monica storyline was, it feels like we came out of it still barely knowing anything about her relationship with Bertha and their overall family dynamic. Also really hated George and Larry laughing at Bertha when inviting Monica was first brought up.

Hello anon thank you for giving the excuse to rant about this!!

I did suspect Monica was going to be underused - every guest star basically is because the season is not long enough to support an arc for them, and I would be shocked if any new face besides Hector and The Future Mr Peggy Scott William (and family) gets more than 1-2 episodes of screen time. I do so wish that we had, if not the 20 episode seasons of ye olden days, then at least 10-15 to let some part of this show breathe a little more.

As for what we do learn, I think you can force more out of it than there is in the words on the page, since the gilded age is good at giving you a huge amount in the crumbs of Tone Of Voice or A Shared Look or even just looking up something to give yourself the historical context. Bertha and her family history is obviously a great example of this - the hint of Irish ancestry, the tiny fragment we know about her mother seeing Bertha as a vehicle for her dreams, her long view of their family's rise from the very start of her and George's marriage.

To me it was like... Their mother had two daughters and, for whatever reason, she chose Bertha as, if not The Favourite, then at least the one that she put her energy into. Bertha didn't learn the more controlling aspects of herself from nowhere, so you can assume that their mother likely chose her clothes and dictated her movements to a similar degree (though maybe less extreme, since they were - most likely - working class, and Bertha would certainly not have had the education Gladys had in a governess/etc). It would be impossible, I think, for the sisters to not be in conflict and resent each other in some way growing up (why can't you see what mother and I are trying to achieve For Our Family vs why can't you guys be happy with what we have), the kind of things that wedges itself deep in your soul, and I feel like we do see that on display in the episode - not in screaming fights like they might have done in their youth, but the constant prodding at one another: why don't you want a nicer dress to impress someone important vs why do you care so much about Meaningless Things. You can see the gap growing even wider as they got older and their mother died, that last point of connection gone (and now she'll never see either of them "win", so their tug of war will never be over).

But as with most backstories in the gilded age, if you don't want to actively seek it out and think it over, the show can fit the basic and very boring reading that Bertha is a stuck up bitch and her kind sister Monica has always been happy with what she has.

Which brings me to what I really want to talk about: this is maybe the cruelest the Russell family has been to Bertha in the show's run.

I am not unsympathetic to Gladys here, it's a tough position (made tougher by agreeing to the engagement! And thinking she could rely on George, who for narrative purposes the show needs to be shockingly ineffectual here), a devastatingly sad historical reality for a lot of young women in that time period, though as Marian points out again and again in this show when people think to ask her opinion: finding love in the 1800s was no guarantee that you would have a happy or secure life (a thing still true today, really), and that there were plenty of arranged partnerships where people made the best of it and made themselves happy because of it (which is clearly JF's position on the dollar princesses, given this and Cora DowntonAbbey). I'm glad that from what I have heard about her arc in the second half of the season that she finds some measure of happiness, and her refusing to come out of her room is the least bad of the Russell family in this episode.

As for the others...

I hated George laughing with Larry, yet another example of George getting to have the kind of relationship with his kids specifically because Bertha can't, because he never has to be the bad guy with them (even with Gladys, he frames it as not being able to stop Bertha, putting the blame back on her, as though they don't live in the 1880s). George and the kids constantly get to trade isn't Bertha being so ridiculous looks, and it honestly makes me so sad, to think of her being so isolated even within her own family, to never get to be brought into their jokes, to always be the opponent in some way.

It also lets him wash his hands of his role in the family. George clearly views him being a Good Dad as the thing that really shows his moral character (and not, you know...his terrible factory conditions and brutal way of doing business), and he's so obviously resentful that he can't so cleanly be The Good Guy here that he's taking it out on Bertha. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's the 1880s. If he didn't want the marriage to go ahead, it wouldn't. Between this and his play out west, he's taking out every insecurity and frustration on Bertha, every trait of her's he's spent two seasons admiring now made to be a glaring fault in her character. It is, in a word, unfair.

And with Larry inviting Monica... Just what was that supposed to achieve, besides him trying to humiliate Bertha? There is a difference, I think, between being a protective older brother, and just being cruel to someone you do not like and this was the latter. Making Bertha uncomfortable in her own home does not protect Gladys. Humiliating Bertha in front of people she's trying to impress does not help Gladys. Having someone else to roll your eyes at when Bertha says or does anything does not help Gladys. I do not believe for one second he was motivated in any way by wanting her to be there, which makes it not only cruel to Bertha but also pretty rude to Monica. How would you like to be invited to a wedding as a joke on someone else?

On top of all of that, any and every scene of Bertha trying to impress someone and getting nowhere with them, because to them she will always be the potato picker's daughter in a fancy dress and nothing more, it just breaks my heart. Bertha is never trying harder than she is in those moments with Mrs Astor or Lady Sarah and it will never be enough. And Monica sort of reinforces that, doesn't she, as they look around at the wedding - the beautiful decorations, the place packed with beautifully dressed well to do people, all here to celebrate Bertha's daughter - and her sister says it's nothing. All her work is nothing to the Lady Sarah's of the world and to the Monica's. She will not get in above and they will not let her in below, and so it is her, isolated and alone forever, always grasping, always hoping that, next time, maybe you'll get it right, maybe that's the time it will really and truly work.

I know so many people seemed to have finished the episode feeling like Bertha was Unforgiveable, but honestly after episode 4 I feel more sympathetic to her than ever.

[bitofanupsidedowner]

look i said it before i will say it again but it's not over til it's over baybeeeeeeeee

there are countless reasons to believe byler is endgame and only one to believe it isn't. that is a pretty good ratio if you ask me?

byler also isn't a typical bait ship. they expect you to pay deep attention to the characters, themes, dialogue, music and come to a conclusion on your own.

i feel like people are forgetting that one major aspect of bait ships is the inherent mockery involved in them. there's typically this idea of two men or two women being attracted to each other is funny. it's a joke, sometimes literally in show and sometimes just outside of it.

it's predatory and disrespectful and you can feel that that's part of it to the writers who do bait ships - it's treated as utterly absurd that anyone would ever actually be gay and expect to find love. the actors and writers alike in those shows tend to scoff and giggle at the desperation of a gay audience to see themselves onscreen. it's a very public, intentional display where we're treated as less than human.

yes, the duffers and actors do occasionally say things to imply byler, but they very much aren't doing it in a humiliation way. in my opinion, from what i've seen, they aren't making fun of byler or the people who ship it. every season has addressed and condemned bigotry, why would they flip that message at the last minute?

most importantly, there are only a couple outcomes.

option 1: byler is endgame. you're happy! but guess what? you just spent all that time making yourself unhappy by doubting it. wasted time, wasted energy. you could've spent that time having fun goofing around with the rest of us.

option 2: it's not canon, and spent a bunch of time being preemptively unhappy, thereby elongating the amount of time where you're going to be sad. it won't soften the blow of what would be an out-of-character homophobic writing choice.

you're either stealing current joy away from yourself or you're just prolonging your sadness. optimism is going to be a way more bearable way to spend the next 150 days. not to sound like my therapist, but stressing yourself out trying to predict how things might go doesn't work. being sad now won't make you less sad later.

we're right to ship byler. milkvan is an objectively bad ship that doesn't work.

i think it's genuinely important to distinguish that the majority of popular bait ships were made by writers who don't actually respect gay people or their ability to have meaningful love.

the duffers obviously must, or they wouldn't have written the show that hovers so insistently around will's sexuality, they wouldn't have included robin, they wouldn't have demonized every homophobic character or had steve beat to a pulp seconds after he said something homophobic.

it's not exactly completely fair to compare ST to every other show that didn't go endgame with a gay couple when there aren't any others that have genuinely attempted to portray what ST has, and it clearly cares a lot more about meaning and symbolism than most shows on tv. they clearly felt like they have a story worth telling and i don't see how "horrendously traumatized kids end up sad and/or dead in the end" would be worth telling, tbh.

anyway, it's fine to have doubt, but i just think ppl spreading it around (usually over stuff people have already debunked) is tiring and sometimes rude, and if we thought about it from the other direction, milkvans have WAY more reasons to be doubtful and yet they aren't, so it's kind of a waste of energy. either we're right or the duffers are wrong.

either way, you being sad about it today is not helping you.

[tcoaal]

a fundamental key aspect of examining literature is the author's intention, and everything we do with that intent: be it accepting it or rejecting it. it is among the most important tasks of the reader: when you do a critical analysis, especially so.

i am a very, very, very firm believer the "Word of God" is secondary to what is presented in the actual text. it is most important to examine what has been said or done in the text and it's implications directly, that is my personal belief as a reader. however, i believe that the author's intent is not something that should be ignored.

Nemlei is very clear, for example, that the idea of the siblings acting the way they are due to a neurodivergence or mental illness is not the right way to think. this is observable in the text.

Andrew and Ashley didn't become murderous incestious cannibals because they were born the right way or crazy or some stupid shit like that. they are the products of a society and world that has completely and absolutely failed them at every opportunity.

the coffin does not exist because they were naturally destined for it.

i've always thought, from the moment i played it, this is it. this is the moment Ashley Graves became a Tar Soul. i think it was the last chance Renee had to say "Holy shit, I'm a fucking terrible mother." and try to help her. and when Andrew, a child himself, fell asleep (not something he should blamed for) as Ashley tried to share her pain. the moment a Tar Soul hatched.

so that leads into the second half. about accepting or rejecting the author's intent.

the final room in Shots and Such is haunting. there's so much you can easily miss. the bathroom, Ashley's last safe space, being destroyed in a rampage by Andrew. the fucking table. the one time they had sex Andrew in his right mind enjoyed, Ashley only able to enjoy it as she was so drunk she could not be "herself" and breaking down afterwards. even small things like Andrew not taking out the garbage and Ashley preferring to let it affect their living space than help him out. everything in that small apartment from hell: everything must be viewed together as the whole, as the sum of all it's parts.

there is a clear intention of the author in those so easily missable scenes. the mutual love and hatred between them, with hatred greater than love. the dysfunction and normalization of violence into just another day.

Andrew having raped Ashley and probably not even processing it was rape is just another dime in the dozen incident in that little hellhole. hell, maybe that was the night he knocked up Ashley.

we can interpret this scene in different ways, even though i think the author's intention is pretty clear. Ashley could not consent. she lost all control, they had sex, and Andrew can't piece together what went wrong. the one night they actually "made love" which is clearly an opinion he and only he has.

... and you know, we have to accept author's might not have the same morality as us. the same opinions.

"If two people get super drunk, and have sex, who's at fault?" and some people might not have answers we like. an author might even write an opinion we vehemently disagree with from the bottom of our heart.

and it is our duty as readers to discern and interpret their works. i truly, sincerely believe this. i believe from the bottom of my heart the author's intention has become clear in shots and such.

"No one asks when she kicks you out for the night, or which stairs she fell down this time. It's all business as usual."

the normalization of both abuse and despair.

to the point even this becomes just another tidbit of that hell.

hate the idea that an abuse victim can become an abuser all you want. i think it is clear what it is Nemlei has tried to convey. hate it, reject it, love it, accept it, or ignore it. disagree or agree with me. i personally have read this and have arrived at my conclusion based on the text given to me, and analysis of the dialogue in this scene as well.

Nemlei is not writing for us. she makes that clear.

and it is up to us if we want to accept or reject that.

[silverwhittlingknife]

So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!

No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)

25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim

This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:

WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3

Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)

I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!

Below the cut:

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)

On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)

Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)

I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)

I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)

1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)

2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)

3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)

4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)

5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)

On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)

6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)

7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)

8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)

9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)

10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)

Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)

11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)

12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)

13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)

14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)

15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)

I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)

16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)

17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)

17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)

18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)

19) In my head he’s the responsible one.  (Gotham Knights 10)

I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)

20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)

21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)

22) I trust him.  When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)

23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)

24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)

25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)

Final rambling thoughts:

TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.

SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.

And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf

All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.

But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!

Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.

And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --

-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3

[licorice-and-rum]

My response to some "critics" about Babel

Okay, I'm gonna start by saying this: English is not my first language so I may commit some spelling and grammar mistakes here but I felt like I just had to write this down, especially because of the negative reviews this book has that just… didn't get it.

Don't get me wrong, of course you're allowed to not like this book, I recognize that it's most certainly not gonna be everyone's cup of tea but some of the people here just didn't get what this book was all about. Babel isn't a fantasy like ACOTAR, or HP, or whatever (in the sense that, for those, the story guides the message while Babel is the contrary): like many classical books, Babel was written to make a point, it's a romance, sure, but it was written to argue for something - the necessity of violence.

So, first of all: Babel is a historical fantasy, it talks about colonialism, racism, sexism, and other matters with no qualms, no embellishing to make it digestible, no allegories or metaphors because this isn't the point. Kuang's "lack of nuance" as someone here pointed out is very deliberate and extremely important for the story because the points she wants to make are always lost in nuance (just think how many people go on misinterpreting Star Wars, Hunger Games, or even anti-system songs like The Wall ffs), and the message is too important to get lost in allegories.

Second, as to the story, many people seem to think what she's pointing out is obvious "ur dur colonialism is bad, we get it". No, you clearly don't. There's a profound difference between getting it and actually comprehending it to an elemental level. Robin's travel to Canton illustrates that perfectly: he knew that colonialism was bad, he knew it was violent but he didn't comprehend it until he was forced to face it happening in front of him - to people who could've been easily him. More than that, because that was when he finally connected the theory with the reality, it became palpable to him.

It's not enough to get it, you have to actually stay attuned to it, to feel the flow of its violence throughout the world because then, and only then, I'll realize you can't be complacent, you can't turn your head from it. And Babel is an attempt, however tiny, of showing this to you. Of telling you "Look, you're ignoring it, the discomfort you felt reading this is your conscience telling you you relate to that". So no, I refuse to accept that Kuang should have been more nuanced: she was as clear as she could because she knows people say they get it but they don't, not really.

Third, the magical system is just chef's kiss. I've seen many people complaining about it but the thing is: the silver working is not about having magic in the world, it's about creating a palpable, material place where Kuang could center her attention as she talked about the economic aspect of colonialism. That's because colonial power is not centered in one place or thing, it is scattered all around but you can't hardly make a point like Babel's if you have your characters fighting off colonialism in all corners of the world. Like the Capital in the Hunger Games, Babel is a material place that symbolizes something.

Moreover, the silver working symbolizes the Industrial Revolution and its need for the advance of colonialism. More than that, silver-working is about capital, it's about technology to generate more profit, quicker, for a specific class that doesn't care who they have to kill to continue, doesn't care whether it is good or bad for the common folk.

Fourth, many people pointed out how academic Kuang's writing style felt during Babel and they're right, it is indeed very identifiable. I'm sure I even commented something along the lines of "it feels like I'm having the best History lesson of all time". But I'm going to challenge people who say things against the notion that the historical description of Kuang was unnecessary: every time Kuang chose to give the readers historical context has served somehow to the narrative.

I remember early on in the book when Robin was still a teen walking through London and reading anything he could put his hands on, and then we get two paragraphs of historical and political context for the time, then Robin comments that he didn't understand why this mattered so much. That paragraph served so much, both because it made us know a little more about Robin and because it served to make us understand the profound environmental change England was going through at the time.

And every time she did this, it served for something. Again, Babel is a historical fantasy, it is supposed to make you think about the point Kuang is trying to make but you won't understand it if you don't know the context of which Robin and the other characters in the book are coming from. It was a time of decision: either England would consolidate itself as an almost all-powerful oppressor, or it could go down… if the oppressed people - who share a common enemy - understood their responsibility to do something.

The strikes of the English working class, the violent acts of rioters, the advancement in technology, the possibility of the Opium War, the colonialism… it's all important. It's important because it allows us to understand the deep connection between it all. It allows us to understand who profits off of it, and who doesn't; who is able to understand and who isn't. It's why Letty is upper-class. It's why Abel isn't.

It's not as simple as some people think to understand colonialism, the flows through which one thing is tied to another. Why do people ask "How does this affect me?" when we point out deeply unfair things like unpaid maternity leave (I actually saw an American once saying she "wouldn't want her tax money to go to someone who didn't plan through"), like the fact people starve when we have the ability to feed a world and a half, of that Palestine is going through ethnic cleansing? Because they are unable to understand how closely their lives are tied to other peoples they have never met and probably never will.

Kuang's message is not "colonialism is bad", she's saying "These are all the forms through which colonialism is bad to everyone but a few, do something about it", she's saying "Every single one of your struggles is tied together in more ways than you even understand. A person in Haiti, in China, in India, in the other side of the world, has more to do with you than these white rich people, fight with them, stand with them."

Fifth, I can't believe I gotta say this but I'm not going to even bother with you if you think this book is somehow "anti-white": just get over your main character syndrome. We're talking about a historical fantasy set in England in the epitome of colonialism through the eyes of a person of color. Of course, most white people are gonna be bad, get over yourself ffs!

The actual entitlement to the protagonism white people have is maddening. As a white woman (in Brazil, at least), I'm ashamed of some comments here. It's not because white people in this book are majorly racist (which, according to the setting is 100% accurate) that Kuang is talking about you (although, if you're so bothered by it, it's probably about you anyway). This is a book about the experience of people of color under the oppression of colonialism: white people are the problem!

You can't just expect someone to write about colonialism and not talk majorly about race. White people reap all the privileges of this system and not just that, they are responsible for it, and all the crying about being the bad guys is just insufferable (they're actually so right about having to console Letty once she learns about the racism they suffer).

Be f*ing accountable for your privileges, take responsibility for your internalized racism, and be accountable for the system that privileges you. It doesn't matter that it wasn't your fault, that you didn't set up the system, you still benefit from it anyway so get a grip. This story isn't about you at all, it isn't about how some white people fought against slavery or oppression, it isn't about you.

Let's be very clear about this: most white people who fought against slavery did so to serve their own interests, exactly as Kuang points out. This doesn't mean none of them were good people who actually believed slavery was bad but we're talking of a time when racism and racial discrimination weren't even discussed seriously. Most white people, even the ones against slavery would have a deeply ingrained racism in them, so get real.

More than that, though: if those people who actually have no shame in saying Babel is "anti-white" had actually read the book through, they would know that some white people actually help and are good people in the story.

Anyway, Babel is so good, it's so painfully real and so passionately well-written. You can feel Kuang's love for her people, the struggles of what it means to love something but still not be a part of it, the deep understanding of how the world works, and how intricately every single thing in our lives is.

I just felt so heard (as a person from a third-world country) reading Babel, like someone was telling me all this rage and indignation I feel is justified, it's valid. I just treasured it so much, how I identified with Robin's need for security contrasting with his indignation for the price of it; with the rage Griffin carried around him, sharpened and well-directed even in its volition; with the love Victoire had to learn to have for her country and its story; with all the pain I was able to share with someone who understood it.

It's an honor to allow words to change me so fundamentally. It's humbling to realize I'm not alone, that my actions and my feelings are shared by other people. It is really precious, you know, to be able to become a better person than I was before because of a book.

[iscdisc]

The Farmhouse Arc should've been the most significant character growth period for 2012 April as a character, and I kind of wanted to talk about that- Lmao

I apologize for not for recalling the user who's post I saw talking about this (I'll definitely @ them if I end up finding them / their post again-), but I recently came across somebody mentioning how they felt 2012 April should have experienced some self-loathing during The Farmhouse Arc given the whole Irma / Kraang Invasion situation-

I completely agree ! But that made me want to expand on that in my own way, because this is something that I genuinely enjoy getting into since there was so much potential (As most things in 2012 have-) that just didn't used,,

Since we've already established time and time again with this series that the writing is not as good as it could be, it "makes sense" that April barely felt any guilt outside of the initial S2 finale and the mistakes that she made don't even get brought up during the aftermath that is the Farmhouse Arc (If we're really being honest, they don't even really get brought up during the initial Season 2 finale- 💀). But if the show had better writing, April should have and would have felt more guilt / had that guilt be very apparent throughout the Farmhouse Arc in how she moves and talks to the Turtles + Casey during their stay there. Not to say that everything was entirely her fault, such as Irma being Kraang Subprime in disguise (She didn't ask for that nor did she cause that to happen-), but it should be acknowledged that their lack of an upper hand feels attributed to her actions the most in this particular Season finale.

I mean, honestly what was she even doing-?? I'm not trying to necessarily give a pass to Casey here, since I know that he was also goofing off / not taking things as seriously as he should have been even though he technically was helping Raph search for Karai- But at least he was with Raph, you know what I mean? Raph and Casey (technically) were searching the city for Karai as it means of protecting her and keeping her safe from the imminent Kraang Invasion (They were also looking for her post her mutation in general, but it was especially dire now-), Leo and Donnie (and Mikey technically-) are in the Lair deliberating on courses of action (Both on options to confront the incoming Kraang Invasion but also means of a safety net, something that Leo in particular was stressing they have outside of the city-). What is April doing during this time? What was her big contribution to this incoming threat? Hanging out with Irma. Like what- Lmao

I understand that like a lot of things that this show has 2012 April do or say, it's just used as a plot device or something to push the narrative that they're going for (Which is incredibly irritating, since it basically sacrifices any good character writing for her so that they can just move the plot along- Regardless of whether or not it makes sense for her as a character to do or not do- But I digress.), and this is just another example of that. But I would be lying if I said this particular aspect of the S2 finale has never made a lick of sense to me, even to this day. A second attempt at a Kraang Invasion is literally on the horizon, and instead of being with her team + actively helping / contributing in some way to this inevitable issue, April's hanging out with Irma-? The writers don't even give any context prior either, like the two of them coming from the movie theater or April's home or something. They provide no explanation as to why April's even spending her time with Irma in this moment.

Which, just like most things in this show, I'm not even saying that that had to have been a poor choice? This is why context is important- If they had shown April clearly stewing over the incoming Kraang Invasion as she's on her way to meet up with everybody else to discuss their options and Irma "just so happened" to essentially ambush April with her presence, thus making April feel obligated to entertain her for the time being? That would have made a lot more sense. It also would have been a great way to foreshadow the events to come in relation to Irma, since there would have been a clear atmosphere change and some unspoken reason as to why Irma wants her attention so badly right now- It also wouldn't have taken up a lot of runtime in my opinion, so I don't understand why they didn't do something like that? 💀

But to not derail from the initial point, (Given the poor writing, I know-) April basically brings a bunch of chaos to the Turtles (and Casey) and quite literally does the bare minimum about it. When she (unintentionally) reveals their home to the enemy, what does she do throughout that entire ambush? Hide. She doesn't even make any attempts to fight off the Kraang that are flooding into the Liar and essentially destroying their home.

What did she do after they escaped the sewers? Take them to her apartment, which initially was just meant to help Donnie get patched up before revisiting the chaos she (unintentionally) created, but instead April ends up staying in her apartment with her cowardly Father-?? For way longer than she should have. I understand that April does not control Donnie and it's not / shouldn't be her role to influence his decisions, but it was also upsetting to know that she was basically the reason Donnie was so inactive (Since he refused to "leave her side" or whatever-) and this in turn caused Mikey to also be inactive because (Rightfully so??) he's not going to go out there by himself- So April (more or less) was the reason why the three of them did nothing but wait around in her apartment until Raph and Casey arrived. She technically "did something" during the fight (more or less) with Kraang Prime in the Turtle Mech, but that only partially counts to me because that was more of a group effort (Since it's ideal for four people to be working the robot and she pulled like one lever or something like that- Lmao).

And of course, there was that psychic freakout that she had at the end of the S2 finale, but those never count to me because that's not something that she's consciously making an effort to do- If that makes sense? If April wasn't this special Human + Kraang Mutant Hybrid, she would just be freaking out like a regular person, and that would have done nothing for them- You know what I mean? (I really loathe these psychic freakouts that the writers have April do for this very reason-)

If you really pick apart April's role in the S2 finale, she mostly escalates the situation and does very very little to alleviate any of it or contribute positively in some way. Again, I acknowledge this is a poor writing decision and most likely influenced by their want to move the plot along and make this season finale "really dramatic"- But that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to acknowledge it for what it is. Lmao

That being said though, I can now circle back to the topic at hand, which is that the Farmhouse Arc should've been a huge growth period or her as a character. ESPECIALLY in regards to her relationships with the Brothers and Casey.

The S2 finale should have been a situation that caused the group to view April differently. Not in the sense that they view her as an enemy or something of that nature, more that they're finally more openly acknowledging that she makes a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that they (More so the Brothers than Casey-) usually suffer the brunt of the consequences of. This is something that I feel is very apparent with her character (S2 the most-), and while that isn't a bad thing since a lot of characters in 2012 make mistakes, it's very obvious that the main group responds incredibly differently to her mistakes than any other character's mistakes. She's never forced to dwell on her wrongdoings or missteps, nor does the group ever harp on them or make her feel guilty for a prolonged duration of time like they do with other characters. We see this constantly throughout the series. The Brothers and Casey are always quick with their reassurance and understanding, always quick to tell her it isn't a big deal or that they got it handled, etc.

While it's not necessarily a bad thing to support her or make efforts to prevent her from developing a lack of self confidence, there's a fine line between giving support and coddling a person. Oftentimes, I feel like this teeters into the coddling side of things rather than genuinely supporting her. They essentially treat her like a child (so to speak), in the sense that they'd rather her believe that she "didn't do anything wrong" and that *everything's okay" instead of being honest when she makes mistakes or acts in ways that genuinely upsets them or off puts them.

THIS?? The S2 finale / Kraang Invasion?? This 1000% should have been the boiling point, and Raph in particular should've been the one to tip over the metaphorical pot. A theory that I have for the S2 finale going into the Farmhouse Arc that I believe holds up very well is Raph and Casey not being privy to the fact that April caused a lot of the chaos that they experienced during that finale. Of course, once they initially left New York City, their priorities were more focused on getting to safety (the O'Neil Farmhouse) and helping Leo in some way / shape / or / form giving his uncertain condition health wise. So it makes sense that this wasn't a topic of conversation immediately. However, it would not surprise me in the slightest if Donnie had made the decision to not tell Raph and Casey about what had transpired in the Lair that day (Or at the very least not the whole story, which would include April's involvement-). Convincing Mikey (And somewhat April-) to do the same. Because why wouldn't he? April's always been his top priority, and if not telling Raph and Casey the truth means protecting her, then he most likely will do that. Because I'm sure he knows Raph would be pissed beyond belief.

AND AS HE SHOULD BE- Hello?? If Raph found out that the reason why the Kraang Invasion began sooner than they planned thus causing them to be incredibly unprepared / their Lair got discovered and destroyed by said Kraang Invasion / Leo got separated from the group (And took on Shredder alone, but I fully acknowledge that that wasn't April's fault, I feel like that was a really stupid call on Leo's part during this finale-) / Splinter got separated from the group and this causing a domino effect that led him to confronting Shredder and being thrown further into the sewers and Raph ( + Donnie / Mikey / and April-) witnessing that horrific event was because of APRIL -?? Regardless of whether or not it was an accident, I think he would have a right to be upset with her. Because like I said before, she's had a lot of accidents that they've had to clean up before.

So just picturing Raph chewing her out at The Farmhouse and finally addressing how upset he's been with her in the past but bit his tongue so many times because she's supposed to be their friend?? That's "Chef's Kiss" tier conflict in my opinion. I genuinely feel like something of this nature was meant to happen and should have happened. A mistake of this caliber should have affected her relationships with them. Of course, Raph is the only one that I truly see being so unapologetically upset with April over this. Casey and Mikey would probably fall under some kind of murky mix of emotions, where they understand why they should be upset with her and to a degree they are, but they don't necessarily want to isolate her or cut her out of their lives- You know? I feel like their body language around her would be the biggest tell though, especially Mikey's, which I think would hurt April a lot (But it's not like she's really in a position to argue against it,,). I also think it would hurt Mikey a lot too, since being in this kind of position would make him incredibly uncomfortable for sure and I'd imagine he wouldn't like the way he's instinctively reacting to her presence nowadays,,

Donnie, of course, would be the only one "acting the same" towards April / around April. But deep down I think even he knows that something has changed between them, something that he would be in denial about for a majority of their stay there. I think this would have been a really great way to progress their relationship though- Both in the context of pushing for their romantic relationship (Which again, I personally am not a huge fan of 2012 Apritello, but I also don't want to exclude these things-) but also dismantling it entirely. On one hand, I think this would have been a really unique way to finally get Donnie to view April as an individual rather than simply the "object of his affections". Fully allowing those rose-colored glasses to be put aside for a second, you know? This should have been an event that tested his (so called) love for April in my eyes. Because if he doesn't love her and value her as a person, especially when she's at her lowest or has made some of her biggest mistakes (Ones that directly affect him-), then can he really say he loved her at all? I also think this should have been a great arc for Donnie as far as not making excuses for April anymore, since this is a bad habit he's (seemingly) nurtured. Learning that it's okay to be critical of her and these criticisms not drastically influencing their relationship or his affections towards her. But I can also see this skewing the complete opposite direction, and this finally being the event that ends the crush saga all together-

I personally felt like this was a very realistic possibility, since Donnie's crush on April is very surface level (He only "fell" for April because she was the first girl he witnessed upon leaving his home for the first time + he thought she was very pretty. He never makes any genuine attempts to get to know her as a person, and this feels very apparent given his behaviors and actions towards her. When he made his chart to "successfully get April to hang out with him" back in S1, everything that he listed had everything to do with himself and nothing to do with her or her interests. He didn't even try to guess or do any kind of process of elimination for her interests through his conversations / interactions with her. Also during S1, Donnie makes the bold assumption that April will like him simply because her Father is also a scientist- Which has absolutely nothing to do with April as an individual and there's no real correlation as to why she would "like him more" simply because he's similar to her Father / Father's profession? During this exact Season, when we see him gift her the music box that he made for her in, "A Foot Too Big" / S3 EP 2 /, April clearly looks uncomfortable for very obvious reasons but another thing that comes to mind is whether or not she even likes music boxes-?? There's no real explanation as to why he thought this would be a good gift for her- 💀). So to me, it makes sense that having his Rose colored glasses shattered / having a situation that practically forces Donnie to truly see her as an individual who's flawed and makes mistakes like this one would cause his crush on her to essentially evaporate instantly. Because what was his crush / infatuation founded on in the first place-? You know what I mean? I can also see his crush dissipating because of April and how she's handling this entire situation. I can see her handling it poorly in two different senses, the first being that she becomes very overly sensitive and defensive (Since Raph blowing up on her would be a massive hit to her pride, and as we've seen throughout the series, she's built up a pretty big ego just as much as the other characters have-) or she becomes very detached and blunt. Something that would cause her to become more openly honest with Donnie about how she views him and their relationship, that being that they just don't really have one- Finally being able to speak on how his advances make her feel and how they aren't necessarily wanted a majority of the time. :/

But now that I've established how I feel the other main characters should've responded towards April post the S2 finale / entering the S3 Farmhouse Arc (Minus Leo whose in a coma-), it's finally time to talk about how I feel April should have carried herself during this arc. Which would be BUILDING / REBUILDING HER RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THIS TEAM (Minus Leo, but also technically him to just after he wakes up from his coma-). One of my biggest gripes with 2012 April in relation to the group as a whole is her lack of proper dynamic with most of her teammates. Casey is honestly the only exception to this, since we do see her get more significant bonding moments with Casey / she does get a lot of one on one screentime with him on particular- But even that could use some work too. April doesn't feel like an actual friend to any of them, and that's always been something that bothers me considering how highly they regard her as a person and how much they trust her / how much they put their faith in her. It would make sense to properly establish where that trust and praise even stems from, you know what I mean? But since the writers suck ass, you can essentially just chalk this up to her being the titular girl character and therefore she "deserves this treatment" canonically. I hate that reasoning and think it's really dumb. :) Lmao

I'm not saying the entire Farmhouse Arc needed to be so April centric (Since 2012 already feels like the Leonardo and April O'Neil show a majority of the time- 💀), but I don't think it could have hurt to have a majority of those episodes have significant moments between April and a particular Brother / Casey. With Mikey and April, I think it would have been really great for April to validate his feelings and reinforce the fact that it's okay for him to be upset with people. That doesn't mean that he has to hate them forever or hold grudges like a lot of people in his life do (I can also imagine that's the biggest reason why he's so uncomfortable with the possibility that he's holding a grudge against April, since his entire life revolves around this stupid grudge between his Father and his Uncle- Because Shredder basically is their uncle and I hate that that isn't acknowledged more?? That's like top tier family drama angst right there- Lmao). But it's also not healthy for him to essentially pretend as though he doesn't feel emotions like anger and frustration and disappointment. I think it would have been really cool for April to validate his thoughts and opinions, with this being used to build a better relationship between them and result in Mikey learning to trust April once again (Not that he necessarily lost his trust in her but it felt complicated for a while-). We can also get more screentime of April loosening up and doing fun / silly things, since I'm sure Mikey would bring out that side of her ! I also think Mikey should have been the one to help her with her psychic abilities instead of Donnie, I don't know if that's a hot take but- LMAO

Like I said earlier, I don't think April didn't have a relationship with Casey but I think this situation would help strengthen it for sure. To be honest though, I don't see April necessarily needing to make a lot of amends with Casey (Aside from his Father and younger Sister getting abducted as well, and maybe this could be a good way for Casey to be able to actually talk about his family with someone onscreen-). But I do like the idea of April going to Casey a lot during the situation for advice- To have an outside looking in perspective, you know what I mean? Especially with Raph and how to fix that mess,, But this would be a great way to show how much April values Casey as a friend and respects his opinion / appreciates the fact that he's always been a shoulder for her to cry on or vent to. I also want Casey to reinforce this idea that she doesn't need to be this "perfect person". This whole character development period for her should be about that in general, but I feel like Casey / her interactions with Casey should highlight this theme the most. I think April should be able to express how difficult it's been to come to terms with the fact that she's not where she wants to be or who she thought she was, with Casey throwing out the idea that maybe that was never who she was meant to be. That it's never too late to reinvent yourself or be a different person, one that you better reflects who you are. I basically just want Casey to reinforce her individualism the most !

I'm biased, so I prefer the situation dissipating Donnie's crush on April, and for that to build a new foundation for a relationship. A platonic relationship. Donnie never truly interacted with April as a friend, always interacting with her as his crush or infatuation, you know what I mean? He read into every interaction they had, everything he did felt as though it had some romantic strings attached or implications. He needs to let that go, for sure. I think they could have had a really cool dynamic if this had happened. The writers also could have better explored April's intelligent side, the one that they constantly like to associate with her character but I feel doesn't always hold up (Not only because a lot of her "character traits" feel reliant on the plot of an episode, making them incredibly inconsistent, but I've always compared April's intelligence level to Leo's rather than Donnie's. You know what I mean?). If April actually has an interest in S.T.E.M. the way the writers like to imply that she does, then this would have been a really good thing for her too ! I honestly don't have much to say aside from this though, because I don't necessarily see a lot of friendship scenarios for April and Donnie-? I know that's kind of sad, but I've personally never envisioned them being super close-? 😭

Raph is my favorite aspect of this entire hypothetical concept though. Not only does it include the satisfaction (For me, yes-) of a character rightfully telling April off for once and April actually having to face the repercussions of something that she's done for an indefinite amount of time, but this also simultaneously feeds into my take that April and Raph should have been a lot closer than they actually were- To talk about this a little better, I'm including some old WIPs of a comic I made exploring this idea (I guess technically I'm still making it-? I haven't worked on it in a while,, 😔) !

I'll do my best to not infodump about the entire story that I envisioned for this comic (Cause it's a lot and this post is already lengthy enough- Lmao), but to provide some context for these specific panels: After Raph explodes on April after finding out what actually transpired during the S2 finale / takes the time to throw in the fact that she's pretty incompetent a majority of the time and it's upsetting the constantly have to clean up after her, April (somewhat understandably) gets in her feelings and it's pretty upset about the situation overall. She ends up running into a conflict with some people by herself in the woods while taking a walk to get some fresh air (It was over a missing mutagen canister and I kind of envisioned these people being similar to "The Finger" from the Bigfoot episode- Like, just weirdos- Lmao), and as you can tell from the comic she pretty much gets her ass handed to her. This is when Raph's words really started to set in for her and she felt honestly disappointed with herself. But instead of kicking her while she's down or fanning the flames, Raph opens up to her instead-

With that little bit of context out of the way, I really love this idea that seeing April like this would result in Raph wanting to open up to her. Why? Because he sees himself in her. Especially right now. Seeing her so frustrated with herself, April wanting to do more than she's physically capable of doing as she is now, feeling weak and helpless ,, He's been there. Many many times. So he starts to empathize with her and his anger simmers a bit.

He opens up about his role in this team, and how a majority of the time he only feels good for punching and hitting people. Like that's all he's capable of. He talks about how he feels so insignificant when the solution isn't hitting people, or even if there is someone to hit that doesn't change anything or resolve the issue. He's not smart like Donnie, he's not warm and compassionate like Mikey, he's not a symbol for people to follow like Leo. In these ways, he understands wanting to do more and being so angry when facing the reality that you can't. Or rather, as you are right now, you can't.

This is more of a personal headcanon for me, but I'd imagine that it took rough a lot of effort and dedication to get the build that he currently has / maintains. I wouldn't be surprised if it took him quite some time to build up that body mass, you know what I mean? So I was also going to reference that at some point in relation to Raph talking about not being where you want to be yet- How for years, he felt so weak compared to Splinter and that upset him,, But it also motivated him to be the person that he currently is + why he takes training more seriously than everybody else. Because he was tired of feeling weak.

This basically segways into Raph helping April with her training during the Farmhouse Arc and this being the most significant way in which they build their new relationship with each other ! He's a little impressed with April's dedication to improving too, which also helps him view April differently / give them something in common. When they return to New York City, I'm sure April would want to feel confident in herself and capable of fixing this mess- Raph getting her there feels like a no brainer to me. I'd also include moments where they're not training and just hanging out regularly during their stay at the Farmhouse ! Something that admittedly would've taken some convincing on April's part, since even though I said Raph's anger simmered, that doesn't mean that it completely vanished right away. But eventually he'd agree to it and slowly let April in again. Maybe not even again though, since they didn't really have a relationship prior to this in my eyes (Nor do they interact a lot canonically as it is-). So this would honestly feel like Raph letting April in for the very first time-! 😭

Also, of course I'm going to be throwing in some hints of 2012 Raphril here and there within this comic- This is me we're talking about- LMAO 💛❤️

I also totally address Donnie's behaviors towards April / his (Most likely unintentional?) misogynistic tendencies. How his coddling of her harms her rather than helps her. His lack of respect for her choices and her autonomy (Specifically referencing, "Within the Woods" where he blatantly acknowledges that April is interested in Casey but instead of respecting that, he feels the need to "prove to her" that she's wrong-?? For not choosing him, basically- 💀). His unhealthy possessives over her as a person. Etc. ! 😔👍

Sorry this was another lengthy yap post-! Basically I agree that April should've had more focus in relation to the S2 finale aftermath like that person was talking about, but I also think the Farmhouse Arc should've better established April's relationships within the group- Idk- ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Lmao

[vilecemetery]

other people have worded it better then me, but inej's assertion about having kaz in the without armor scene was clearly not just about emotional vulnerability. it’s a powerful line in the books and a nice metaphor for emotional intimacy, (something inej deserves from kaz) but let's not shy away from the fact that she also made it clear she meant physical intimacy, as her words were "fully clothed, gloves on, head turned away so our lips can never touch" 

this nuance is important to consider, as it reflects the depth and complexity of her feelings at the time. it’s ironic that for people who apparently care so much about inej’s boundaries, the fandom rarely pays attention to what she says. inej has flaws and virtues, some affected by different experiences she's had, and that affects her choices. her words aren’t any less hurtful because of this. she got kaz in a vulnerable moment and said something cruel. later she reflects on this and admits she shouldn’t be holding kaz to standards she can’t meet herself, and she likely said that to him in the first place because she lashed out about something that’s personally a trigger for her and she’s vulnerable about. they both have a lot of issues surrounding physical intimacy. 

that’s one reason why kanej is such a good ship- one of the most healthy, beautiful and nuanced relationships ever between two children who have been through horrific things, exploited, abandoned, and put in danger every day, who have found safety and friendship and understanding in each other. they aren’t going to be speaking super politely and using sensitive, respectful, inoffensive woke therapy speak at every second because that’s not their situation or their relationship and their interactions are raw and real. sometimes they make mistakes (kaz calling inej an investment, inej saying kaz wouldn’t be able to have her if he couldn’t touch her, etc) but they recognise and admit when they do and work through that. the beauty of their friendship lies in their imperfections and their capacity to learn from each other. the bare honesty they share is a testament to their growth, even when it leads to moments of pain or misunderstanding.

to suggest that holding inej to a higher standard and not acknowledging that her words could be perceived as hurtful is akin to ignoring the very human aspects of her character. it’s essential to recognize that she is capable of making mistakes or risk turning her into a perfect fandomised queen incapable of fault. her character's journey is not about being infallible, but about growth, self-reflection, and the courage to confront and overcome her fears. strong and resilient, yet also capable of causing harm, even unintentionally. 

there’s a phenomenon in fandom spaces but particularly the grishaverse where fans have an opinion of something and then deem everyone else’s as bad or wrong, going so far as to make posts calling out other people for having different analysis. literary discussions should encourage an environment where different interpretations are welcomed and discussed respectfully, not minimised and devalued for a more popular fandom take that’s often incorrect when compared with the text of the book anyway. it’s okay for inej to make mistakes and learn from them, just as it's okay for readers to have varied interpretations of their interactions.

[colleybri]

A few thoughts on Bix’s arc so far in Andor season 2

(Spoilers up to Season 2 Ep 6)

Since her torture in Season 1 (and the attempted rape in S2 Ep 3) I knew that Bix would be carrying a lot of cumulative trauma in this season, but I was totally unprepared for how realistically this is being handled. The aspect that really shocked me is that the show unflinchingly shows the longer-term PTSD taking full effect many months later in the form of depression - and addiction.

Most obviously, Bix has terrible nightmares that reflect the different ways in which she is haunted. In the first arc nightmare, Gorst pulled the blanket off her as she lay alone in bed on Mina Rau - visually foreshadowing her vulnerability to the predatory Imperial Krole. It was implied then that the nightmares are worse when Cassian isn’t there, but in the first nightmare of the second arc he is literally right next to her and it makes no difference. He does say, on waking her from the sleep walking episode, that “It’s been a while” since she last had one, so the suggestion is that the nightmares are back because of their most recent mission. Bix struggling to process the death of this young soldier has clearly brought all her demons back in force, all symbolised by demonic Gorst. She has killed men herself by now, but says “I can’t stop seeing [the soldier’s] face”. According to the dialogue in the Gorst torture nightmare, an aspect that particularly haunts Bix is that the young man’s family will never know what happened to him. For a woman from such a tight-knit community as Ferrix this troubles her deeply. She is also, canonically, an orphan and presumably has had to mourn and process the death of each of her parents. Brasso is also a fresh bereavement. Family is important to her even though she has almost none left. …

She at least has Cassian, and their relationship - one that started as a childhood friendship over twenty years before and has had romantic interludes since - is probably the main thing sustaining her. “She’s the most Ferrixian woman there is and she can’t go home. But she and Cassian have made a home in each other” says Adria Arjona. The beautiful ‘hand dance’ scene in Ep 4 seems designed to re-centre her a little as he leaves her for the solo mission to Ghorman. A little shared moment of intimacy that takes them back and grounds them.

But it’s a realistically flawed relationship too. Trauma-bonding can lead to co-dependence but the other major contributing factor is the nature of their role as rebel operatives in the ‘insanity’ of the city. They can’t relax. They can’t shop without worrying about being recognised. In one really poignant little exchange Bix asks if they can go for a walk in the “big park” as she’s clearly yearning for some natural scenery. But Cassian says no, there are cameras.

This makes their safehouse, dingy and grey and overlooked by a never-ending rainy city, feel like a prison and the sense of smothering claustrophobia clearly haunts Bix while they’re here. She prefers activity, doing something, being on missions… it’s the sitting around waiting that allows the dark thoughts to come. Cassian and Luthen both acknowledge this too.

Socially, Bix is completely isolated. She has no friends; it’s not safe. There’s no sense of community here. Her world has shrunk to the ‘home’ she has with Cassian - their relationship is her home but she’s frustrated that she’s otherwise homeless. She hesitates to call the safe-house ‘home’…. “This place. Whatever it is.” She contemplates buying towels and decent plates, wants to clean the windows… if they are staying there longer term. She has an instinct to make a home but the place just doesn’t feel like one. She’s disturbed by the idea of other people using it while they’re not there. Since losing her home in Ferrix she has lived in a ‘Mobil-Haus’ on Mina Rau (even Krole pointed out that it didn’t look ‘permanent’) and now their base is this ‘safe house’ which might be safe but certainly isn’t somewhere she can feel is ‘permanent’ either.

She is also trying to be strong. She’s rightly resentful of Cassian’s desire to protect her. That in itself is complicated because he’s also a victim of trauma. Bix highlights this in that little flare-up argument in Ep 4 - “I’m not Maarva, I’m not your sister!!”. Cassian having what Tony Gilroy recently called ‘a problematic saviour complex’ derives from his very early guilt about not being there for his sister. He wants to save those he loves, he wants to go back for them - metaphorically or literally. But Bix tells him that ‘It’s not up to us, what we save or what we lose’. Cassian is really struggling with this concept at this point in his life when he’s torn between what Luthen sees as full commitment to the cause and his love for Bix. Bix herself wants an existence for herself outside of this perspective. She wants to fight. “If I’m giving up everything, I want to win. We have to.”

But the contributing factors to her state now are trapping her in a vicious circle of nightmares. She would be a danger to herself and others on a mission. The sleeping drug doesn’t seem to be working. She takes it regardless of whether Cassian is there or not. The depression is taking over; she’s trapped. Cassian asks her if she wants to talk about it but she doesn’t. He doesn’t want to push it. I think he absolutely knows that she is in a very bad way. He probably knows also, at least on some level, that she is self-medicating. There comes a point when an addict finds this extremely difficult to cover up - especially from someone who loves you and knows you extremely well. For these reasons he is not only hesitant to leave her to go to Ghorman at all but is also especially furious at Luthen.

Realistically, Bix isn’t observably in a bad way all time. She can still appear her old self sometimes, as glimpsed with the banter with the shop-keeper. Even after her worst episode, Bix eventually clears away the mess of takeaway cartons and cleans herself and the safehouse up a bit for Cassian’s return. She even buys flowers - an attempt to ‘make a home’ of the place. They express their love easily when he comes back; the gentle flirting about Varian Skye is particularly cute. But even there, in the suggestion that they might be into bedroom roleplay, there’s a sort of poignancy… it’s the kind of taste that might develop in a couple who are literally using different identities all the time as spies and who are also unable to bring any real people ‘home one time’.

The irony of all this is that it’s Luthen ‘not a friend to romantic relationships’ Rael who helps - ‘sending them on couples therapy to kill Gorst and blow stuff up’ as one meme put it. Bix gets the catharsis that she desperately needed. Realistically, it’s not going to be a cure-all and I think it’s a safe bet to say that any improvement in Bix is not going to be presented as something that happens overnight either. But I think there’s hope where there was none before. Her ongoing-therapy now? It’s just as Cassian told young mechanic Niya at the start of the season. “You’ll never feel right unless you’re doing what you can to stop them”. In having a new sense of purpose and working alongside the man she loves and trusts the most - a partner in both senses - there’s an indication that there is hope ahead for Bix.

Even if she dies after all this suffering … a ‘blaze of glory’ death feels a lot more likely and a lot more earned. Personally, I hope Bix lives. I feel a bit more confident in the writers finding a way to allow that. But either way, I’m sure her overall arc will be incredibly powerful.

[aroaceleovaldez]

I HAVE BEEN REMINDED OF SOMETHING i think i've made a post about it before but maybe it's just sitting in my drafts. idk, whatever, I will ramble again. Said thing that reminded me was a tiktok by madison_murrah about how the PJO TV show doesn't get the balance between mundanity and magical correct for pjo and I want to expand on that cause while a.) it totally is a problem in the show and i take issue with it, b.) it is also a problem in later books and i ALSO take issue with that too and i would like to elaborate on it

this got long so ramble of the day below the cut:

so the thing is that PJO is actually pretty unique in it's approach to hidden world modern fantasy. like, hidden world modern fantasy is a decently established genre with a ton of examples, but there's a reason why PJO stands out so much, and that's because technically it's NOT "hidden world." There is very intentionally no distinction between the mundane world and the mythological, at least in first series. They 100% overlap. And you do not necessarily need to be "special" to see the "mythological world-" some mortals are totally naturally clear-sighted, a lot of kids are clear-sighted, and it's like 50/50 for if mortals can become clear-sighted. In fact, most demigods aren't immune to the effects of the Mist, all that really matters is if you're actually thinking about being able to see through it. And there's a reason for that!

In general, this format of the "hidden world" modern fantasy serves two purposes: One, as the series is meant to introduce people to Greek mythology and explain why it is relevant and how it can be relatable in modern contexts, it intentionally juxtaposes myths against modern concepts: Medusa runs an apparently average garden statue store. Procrustes runs a mattress store. The entrance to the Underworld is in LA at a record store. Circe lives on an island paradise that's secretly dangerous. Hydras are like chain donut stores that seem to pop up on every corner. Perseus and his mother struggle in Perseus' childhood but get a happy ending. Calypso has an island paradise where the challenge for the hero of our story is being tempted to leave behind his goals. The plot of Sea of Monsters is blatantly the Odyssey, and it's about Percy trying to get to his best friend (who he shares a literal psychic link to) who is in danger of getting married to someone awful (a literal monster) to help you understand Odysseus trying to get back to Penelope and how important to each other and in sync they are. Battle of the Labyrinth is Theseus and the Labyrinth and it's Percy/Theseus trying to protect his home and his people and fellow kids (like Nico) from the dangers in the maze. These are all supposed to help us understand what is actually going on in those stories.

We also still see how Greek mythology influence shapes and influences western culture in general in their world (which is supposed to be our own and so uses real-world examples) - in government, in architecture, in pop culture - Mythomagic is clearly supposed to be your standard TCG like Magic The Gathering. And in general there is no distinction between where the mythological ends and mundane begins - Camp Half-Blood is both a magical training space for demigods and your run of the mill underfunded summer camp, complete with cheesy camp songs and t-shirts and crafts. Olympus is located on top of the Empire State Building which is operating completely as normal except for when a demigod asks to go to a non-existent floor. Your best friend with a muscular disease in his legs is secretly a satyr. Your brother with down syndrome is a cyclops. Your teacher in a wheelchair is secretly an immortal centaur. Your crappy algebra substitute is a literal fury. But also they're still your teachers. The satyr is still your best friend, the cyclops is still your brother. And that brings me to the second aspect of all of this (which i have talked about before [here] and [here]) - the other purpose it serves is that it is an extension of the overarching disability themes that form the core of the series.

The entire reason that meshing of mundanity and magical is so intertwined is entirely because it's part of the disability metaphor, specifically inspired by early 2000s parenting/teaching concepts for children with disabilities, particularly learning disabilities, as trying to reframe disabilities as "superpowers" to empower kids (and still exists in some more modern forms - like referring to disabilities as "being differently-abled") (I talk about it in my previous post on the subject but this generally fell out of favor due to many kids/students finding it belittling of their struggles) - this is why we get the description of ADHD and Dyslexia being framed as "demigod superpowers." In the series this structure is intentionally made to encourage kids to reframe how they view disabilities in general as not something negative but something interesting and fantastical that they may be more open to engage with - and PJO does this in a really nice way where a lot of the disability struggles are still acknowledged and treated sympathetically. Kids still get bullied, Percy and Annabeth struggle in school or with reading/spelling, they grapple with both internal and external ableism. The entire reason for the titan war in the first series, at least from the demigod perspective, is criticizing flawed systems meant to support disabled people that don't do their job effectively or let too many people fall through the cracks. The Mist "hiding" the "mythological world" from mortals (and even some demigods) is about how most abled people (and some undiagnosed people) don't recognize disability struggles until it affects them personally. None of these things are glossed over! It's handled with nuance and care! The series says "you can be disabled and you can be like these fantastical heroes - not in spite of your disability, but alongside it. Neither negates the other." The series was explicitly made so Rick's disabled son could see himself in a hero and learn about mythology for school. Those are the two pillars of the entire franchise: Disability and learning about mythology.

So, when you mess with that "hidden world" structure, the entire thing falls apart and it immediately doesn't feel right, because it's no longer serving either of those two purposes when it needs to be fulfilling both. Late-series Riordanverse has a tendency to compartmentalize the mythological and keep it entirely sectioned off from the mundane. Think about first series and even TKC versus later series - how many mortal characters are there? what do they do? are they just in the background or do they interact with the main cast frequently? are they more than just family or an extension to the main cast? First series we see Percy's classmates frequently, Percy talks about his mundane experiences at school, multiple mortal parent characters (and other mortal characters like Rachel) are active participants in and vital to the plot. We even see a lot of background mortal characters. In TKC, not only are all the magicians technically mortal, but also Sadie's completely mundane best friends help her out. Now think about HoO, or ToA, or even MCGA. Think about the mortal characters in those series. How important are they? Out of the important ones, how much are they in mundane situations versus being almost entirely involved in something mythological? How many aren't related to any of the main cast? How many aren't actively working for a god? The answer is basically zero! Why is that? Because Rick stopped letting the mundane exist. The entire draw of the main series is that Percy does continue to live this mundane life and that adds to his mythological life and makes the balance and meshing between them interesting, but basically all mundanity ceases to exist by HoO. Camp Jupiter is an isolated entirely magic town. Percy and Jason's schools are full of mythological beings as basically the only people they interact with. The Tri's headquarters is an entire giant building in New York City that they completely control that just so happens to ALSO be directly across the street from the local Oracle's house, because even where Rachel lives isn't allowed to be mundane anymore. Why is Olympus just at the top of the Empire State Building versus the Tri having an ENTIRE building? That feels weird and unbalanced, particularly given the difference in importance between those two! Because one is playing into that balance of the meshing of mundane and magical and the other isn't! The show continues this trend. It doesn't allow any of the mythological to exist within mundanity like it functions in the books, which creates a completely different atmosphere and doesn't allow those spaces or scenes or characters to serve their actual narrative purposes, either making it easier to understand mythology contextually or what disability metaphor or representation is occurring there.

It's part of the problem with show!Percy being too mythologically-savvy - Percy is supposed to be the mundane lens unfamiliar with mythology that the audience is learning by proxy through. That's the entire point of the series! If you have Percy already know everything because he's already too ingrained into this mythological environment from the start, and he just exists in this entirely magical world where he understands everything immediately then the literal target audience of the entire franchise (students being introduced to mythology) is left behind! That's part of why the pacing of the show feels so bad! It's rushing through every scene that's more or less the same as the books, particularly anything mythological, because the show is assuming you've already read the books and already know enough mythology to know what it is and what happens and that you don't want to see it again, so it rushes through. The show doesn't explain things that it presumes you already know - worldbuilding, character decisions, basically any mythology, etc, so it doesn't even bother with it.

Later books in the franchise do this too - as long as it's tangentially Greco-Roman mythology, or if it's anything to do with the main series like a reference in TKC or MCGA or etc, it's not going to elaborate much if at all. HoO speeds through Jason's introduction to CHB, and the only reason we get much introduction to Camp Jupiter is because it's actually new. We're no longer trying to contextualize or learn about mythology, it just all becomes set-dressing and references thrown at you rapid-fire as filler. By late HoO and into TOA and TSATS and such, we're not longer even within the realm of pretending like we're adhering to mythology at all. Why is Iris a vegan? Why is Rhea a hippie? Dunno, don't care! Literally doesn't matter! Why are the pandai panda/elephant-monsters and the troglodytes frog-monsters when that's not part of their actual history at all? Well a.) literally just word associations and b.) possibly a little bit of racism (they're supposed to be humans from India and northern Africa, and you made them monsters. cool. okay. and their plotlines totally aren't horrible within those contexts. awesome. please try thinking literally at all next time, thanks). We're not even bothering to look at mythological instances anymore for a basis, a lot of it's written like we're just going based on the first results on google (hi Menoetes and the cacodaemons - the latter of which is not even spelt correctly once in the entire book - which is weird because they do say "daemon" so they know the word. Not that the cacodaemons are mythologically accurate at all because then they would be humanoid. Instead they seem to just be inspired by the things from Doom). None of it serves the purpose of the narrative at all; we're literally just making random choices, some of them quite distasteful! In large part due to refusing to acknowledge the actual contexts of the myths and how that might translate into something similar or equivalent a modern setting to help conceptualize it - something the first series did inherently by design. And we need this! A.) So that you're less likely to make bad decisions because you are inherently thinking about the historical and cultural contexts of these things and how to compare/explain it, and b.) because the audience for later books/the other series and the show is going to be the same as the first series! Those nonsensical references may be at best cameos to people who are already familiar with them, but if your intended audience is new to mythology then making references like that is just going to leave people out of the loop! You don't shift your target audience in the middle of a franchise!

Later books in the series and the show are failing to understand what the first series was actually doing narratively and how it was approaching these subjects and its audience. When you fail to do that, it completely messes up the general worldbuilding and the core themes and intentions of the franchise as a whole. Once you lose touch with that you might as well just be writing a completely different franchise. You need to approach it from the same lens or else it will feel completely off, because otherwise you've lost all base touchstones that make the series what it is.

[thewertsearch]

GG: hi kanaya! it is nice to meet you GA: Hi Jade

D’aww. Our two Aspect sisters, face-to-face at last.

I imagine these two will become fast friends - and, oddly enough, I think the same could be true of Rose and Vriska. I think they'd either really like each other, or really hate each other.

AA: kanaya tell us what happened next! GA: There Isnt Much To Say GA: I Repaired The Doll And Made Him A Nice Outfit GA: With A Far More Becoming Palette And Fit Than The Absurd Tatters He Was Found In

Cal's the most dangerous Felt member of all, naturally. He outranks English himself!

This could easily be foreshadowing, honestly. Cal's definitely plot relevant, and he totally could be connected to the...

...

.... the felt?

The Felt? The god damn Felt?

The living puppet might be connected to the FELT?

Fuck me running. This is foreshadowing, isn't it?

Cal is actually connected to the Felt. He's a tool they use, or a manifestation of one of their powers, or something. Of course he's a literal puppet of Doc Scratch's grand plan. Of fucking course.

:(

It makes sense that Tavros would enter the Bubbles through this scene, since he was killed in essentially the same way. Poor guy got mugged on Memory Lane.

GA: I Quickly Began To Find The Doll Unnerving So I Put Him Away

Kanaya, you are the smartest motherfucker in this comic.

AA: this is only a piece of the story AA: the other pieces will fall into place with successive memories and it will all become clear AA: […] i will eliminate some suspense and try to serve as a better guide on this tour through the catacombs of our collective subconscious AA: the separate tunnels we once traveled in the dark as individuals we now retrace together with a torch

I really like how Aradia's wasting absolutely no time. Her first act as a living girl is to gather everyone she can in the Bubbles, and her second act is to start absolutely vomiting information, clearly determined to share everything her ghost held back.

No more allusions, riddles, or dancing around the truth. It’s time to pool our knowledge, and figure. Shit. Out.

AT: i REMEMBER GETTING JUMPED OFF THE CLIFF BY MY LEGS, AT: bUT NOT THE THING i'M DOING NOW, […] AA: our manipulator disguised his tracks well

Scratch – because, come on, why pretend there's any ambiguity - somehow forced Tavros to use his psionics unconsciously. Who knows how he pulled that one off, but that's not what's important.

What's important is the million-Boondollar question.

Namely: what is the most dangerous Alternian animal Doc Scratch could possibly control?

...oh, no.

[sxcret-garden]

1st Desire ღ Testing Limits [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ words: ~5.9k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, parts of a very awkward kink negotiation turning into a slightly less awkward kink negotiation asdjflka, choking (reader receiving), unprotected sex, thigh riding, fingering, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms) ღ warnings: (mention of him running his hand through reader’s hair)

Desc.: You and your boyfriend decide to take a step towards a new chapter in your relationship when a secret desire of yours finally slips through. What you didn’t know until now is that he’s more experienced than you thought he was, and that you’re not the only one who’s been dying to spice up your sex life.

Author's note: aaaa I'm really nervous about how this series is gonna do, now that I'm finally putting out the first chapter!! I've been working on it for quite a while and it's become a very important project to me, so I hope y'all enjoy reading as much I enjoy writing it <3

next chapter →

If someone asked you about the thing you appreciate the most about your boyfriend (at gunpoint, because there’s no way you could choose just one trait under normal circumstances), you’d say it’s his softness. A softness that’s apparent in his smile and in the way he treats people, yet only selected few get to see fully. You remember the first time you felt he was opening up to you a bit, granting you permission to see what’s going on inside, and how that was the moment you started falling in love with him. 

It’s the kindness in his words, behind the sound of his voice when he was reassuring you that he didn’t mind you calling him late at night and out of the blue because you needed someone to talk to, and he was the first person who came to mind. And the other way around, it’s the way he suddenly seemed very small as he crawled into his safe haven that has unmistakably become you when he went through a rough time. 

It’s how he talks to people in general, treating everyone with kindness first of all, because it’s among his core beliefs that everyone deserves to be faced with respect. And it’s the warmth that inevitably breaks through the cracks and to the outside when he smiles, laughs at some weird joke, or simply when he steps aside to make way for a complete stranger rushing past him in the crowd.

It’s how you feel when he holds you, wrapping his arms around you, the warmth of his body warming you up too, and you can finally let go of the tension you’ve been carrying within your bones all day. It’s the way he kisses you - you remember your first kiss that was merely lips brushing against each other in a feathery light touch, and the bright yet shy smile that took over his entire face right after, and you still recall how this too made you fall for him yet a little bit deeper. 

So why is it that you can’t but feel yourself bursting with excitement when he isn’t being soft at all?

It started quite early, in the blink of a moment and definitely not on purpose. You were out with some of his friends and some of your friends, and though most of them could sense there was something going on between the two of you, you weren’t official yet. And so it happened that one of his friends drunkenly, after visiting a bar not far from the place you had spent an entire afternoon together, tried to get close to you. It wasn’t to the point you would’ve felt uncomfortable - he started talking to you like one normally would when attempting to strike up a conversation, asking questions that made it clear he was interested in you. You didn’t find his way of chatting with you overbearing or anything, and you didn’t think much of it when he touched your arm seemingly mindlessly, but the second it striked you that just maybe this guy was glued to you a bit unusually much, Jongho stepped in. You can clearly recall the anger reflecting on his face, suddenly making an expression that didn’t show a single trace of the kindness you were used to. You don’t remember what exactly he said when he told the guy off, you barely even remember the shock apparent in your other friends’ hushed whispers as everyone seemed to agree that his reaction was a tad exaggerated. What you do recall was how it made your heart suddenly skip a beat. Back then you appointed this solely to your budding feelings for him and that you were crushing on him bad. However, with each time the memory came back to haunt you afterwards, it became more and more clear that there was something undeniably attractive about this side of him that is anything but soft. 

You also felt it when you were play fighting, like that time he momentarily raised his eyebrows at you almost mockingly, looking down at your smaller frame while holding an item just out of reach to mess with you as revenge, after you had managed to mildly piss him off. And even when that expression was wiped off his face mere seconds later as he handed you what you were desperately trying to reach with an apology accompanied by a sheepish smile, the pounding in your chest wouldn’t cease. 

And then there’s another situation where these complex desires you’re keeping hidden away mostly because you just don’t know how to bring them up to him keep taking over and clouding your mind, like a fire that’s only waiting to be ignited, in order to burn you up whole.

His lips brush against yours, parting from you after what can barely be considered a kiss. You feel his weight on top of you, he has your hands pinned against the bed to either side of your head, supporting himself like that as he rolls his hips into yours. Smooth and slow movements meant to satisfy you, but not for long, and yet the pleasure keeps building up in the pit of your stomach. 

“Fuck…” you mutter a curse, squeezing your eyes tightly shut in the race towards your high, and still you know he isn’t giving you everything yet. 

“You look so pretty like this.” The words slip past Jongho’s lips, and you sigh at the way they make you feel, only to take a glance at his face, seeing the desperate chase towards his high reflecting on his features as well. He lets go of one of your hands without changing the pace at which he thrusts into you, fingertips dancing down your arm until he reaches your jaw, loosely cupping your face. The touch sends an electric wave through your body, and you remember a distinct thought that keeps creeping into your mind time and time again these days. And now that he has brought his hand so close to where you’re aching to really have it, you can’t but put your own palm on top of it. If it hadn’t been for these coincidences, this, and the fact that just before he had pushed you down onto his bed to make love to you, this thought came to haunt you once again, you wouldn’t do what you’re about to do.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, and without any signs of resistance, he lets you peel his hand off your cheek. However, when you place it on top of your throat instead, extending your neck almost instinctively when you feel his fingertips grazing your pulse, your boyfriend slows down, and eventually his movements come to a halt.

“Are you… are you sure about this?” As you hear him whisper those words, your first thought is that he must not like what you just did. But when you take a look at his face, and you see the way his eyes have undeniably darkened, his lips slightly parted as he tries to catch his breath, you feel like the complete opposite must be true.

“Yeah,” you mouth. “Been wanting to try this for so long…” Your confession causes yet another emotion to spark behind his gaze that’s suddenly so intent, and so much more intense than you’re used to. It takes him merely a moment to process your words, then he moves away from you with a muttered “wait”. Depriving you of both the touch against your throat that you’ve been longing for so much, and the sensation of him filling you up so perfectly leaves you feeling unexpectedly empty, but when he instead sits before you, taking you by the hands and pulling you towards him, you follow eagerly while something connects in your mind - he knows what he’s doing.

“Come here,” Jongho whispers, inviting you into his lap, his gaze finding your lips while he helps you move closer. “Ride me?” You can only nod once before he kisses you, allowing you to sink down on his length as he releases you and then reconnects your lips, and without hesitation you can feel him putting his hand around your nape again. He starts with bringing his palm up to your chest, moving it up unhurriedly, yet not letting you wait, and as soon as his thumb brushes across your throat, you break the kiss to throw your head back and you let out a soft moan. Your heart is racing like crazy from the simple motion alone, and he places his other hand onto your hip to guide you into a steady pace on top of him.

“You like that?” he asks, curiously, and yet you don’t miss the amused spark flaring up in his eyes when you glance at him.

“Yeah,” you reply honestly as your whole body heats up. It really does feel even better than you imagined it, like this one simple touch has engulfed you in flames, making you feel a kind of sensation you’ve never felt before. Your boyfriend moves his hand to the back of your head, entangling his fingers with the strands of your hair now, and you immediately furrow your brows in protest. It causes a smirk to appear on his lips, and the thumb of his hand resting on your hip finds its way to your clit, starting to give the sensitive bundle of nerves some attention.

“F-fuck…” you stutter, arms thrown around his shoulders and you let yourself fall forward in order to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Tutting at you, he brings his hand back to where you wanted it, pushing you away gently in order to be able to look at your face.

“Let me watch as you cum,” he mutters, his gaze taking in your features, and when you whimper in agreement he too lets out a breathy moan. Applying some more pressure to your clit, he never once takes his eyes off you as you’re racing towards your high - you can tell he’s enjoying this newfound power he has over you, and it’s getting him off too. 

Only a few more repetitions of your movements on top of him and your hips start to stutter, and when he moves his hand resting against your throat just a bit further up, blood rushes to your head at once. You know you won’t last much longer, and so you mewl,

“G-gonna cum…” A sigh of approval falls from his lips, before he answers with a strained “me too”, and then your high comes crashing down on you. You dig your nails into the skin on his shoulders as your body is shaken, and the convulsions around his cock buried inside of you have him letting out a broken groan, before you can feel him releasing deep in your cunt as well. 

As you gradually come down from your respective highs, you lie down side by side, and when your eyes meet for a moment you both know it’s about time you two had a conversation about this. However, for now it’s too late at night anyway, and with him nuzzling his nose into your temple and pulling you close, you decide that it could just as well wait until tomorrow. 

“So…” Your boyfriend joins his hands together in front of him, his right hand clasping his left fist, and the second you look at him, he looks away instinctively.

“Yeah…” you answer, knowing what he’s trying to say, but somehow it’s hard to break through the air of awkwardness that has settled around you the moment you both sat down in the living room area of his flat. With him having made himself comfortable on the sofa (and then subsequently tensed up as you entered his proximity), you decided to misuse the coffee table in front of it as a seating opportunity, for the sake of being able to sit across from him, figuring that might make the conversation easier.

It doesn’t. You both don’t know what to say, and this is by no means a one time thing. You recall other occasions where you both sat down to talk and then the beginning of the conversation was similarly difficult, just that usually it’s about a problem you have, hurt feelings, or anything else one of you felt needed to be talked out. And you know that usually one of you eventually breaks the ice - admittedly it’s him who gets the conversation going most of the time, a skill you very much value in your boyfriend - but this here is very different. Sure, sex has been brought up between you two before, you are actively having sex with each other after all, but somehow the feel of a talk about it has never seemed this serious.

“Is it… supposed to be this awkward?” This time it’s you who starts the first attempt at smoothing out the mental obstacles that are undoubtedly there. And it seems to be working, because as Jongho lets out a soft laugh at your remark, you can see some of the tension leaving his shoulders.

“Ah, no…” he says, but then he quickly adds, “I mean, it can be, I guess. The first time I had this conversation it started the same, so…” Ending on an implication, he monitors your reaction to his words closely for an entirely different reason. You know he broke up with his last girlfriend not too long before the two of you started getting closer, but he’s never talked about their sexual relationship with you before.

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows, now feeling genuinely curious. “What do you mean?” Your boyfriend straightens his back as he rolls back his shoulders, and with you watching how his gaze wanders from one point to the other on the wall behind you, he gathers his thoughts and becomes serious.

“You know… when you put my hand around your throat, I liked that. I mean,” he lets out a short laugh, “I think you figured as much.”

“I could tell, yeah,” you confirm, and when he looks at you to continue talking, you feel yourself gulping. His gaze seems more intense than usual, despite his otherwise softened features - or are you imagining things and it’s just your own nerves? You have no idea.

“I did this kind of stuff with my ex too,” he says. “Like… not just the choking, you know? We did other things too, dipped our toes into testing out what it would be like if I have more power over the situation,...”

“Like… BDSM stuff?” The question comes out more awkwardly than it should’ve, and you can clearly sense that you have no idea how to approach the topic in conversation. Then again, it’s just another thing people do - no need to be so uptight about it, right?

“Yeah.” He’s averting his gaze again, shyness creeping onto his face, and somehow you find the contrast between his words and the air around him endearing.

“Like… with whips and stuff?” you continue asking, because you’ve never thought about him in that context, but somehow you can see the association making sense.

“Ah, no, we didn’t go that far,” Jongho explains, waving his hands in front of himself to underline his statement. “We did other things, but… ultimately what we wanted out of that play didn’t align.”

“Oh,” you gasp, wondering whether that was part of the reason why they broke up, but you don’t pry for now.

“So… what I’m trying to say is… I’ve been thinking about how to bring this up to you. But I didn’t want to… make you feel uncomfortable. Since we’ve been keeping things very vanilla so far, you know?”

“You wouldn’t have-” you immediately try to refute, but you stop yourself. Really, you don’t know if you would’ve been intimidated by your boyfriend’s desires. It probably depends on what kind of stuff he wants to do to you. Expanding on the image you brought up earlier in your head, you realize you’re not sure if you’d be okay with whips after all. “Actually, what are the things you want to do?” You decide to pose a question instead, understanding that you shouldn’t give him any definite answers about this without being 100% sure about them yourself. And though you expect him to have a reply right away, he hesitates.

“Maybe… we should take this slow,” he says, voicing his thoughts out loud, and you can tell he really is afraid of scaring you off. So you reach out across the gap in between your knees, until your hands are resting on top of his.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “Let’s talk about it, and I tell you if I’m okay with the things you want.”

“Okay,” he agrees eventually, but then sinks into thought once again.

“What is it?” you chuckle as he doesn’t speak. “You’re taking this very seriously.” Your remark tears him out of his thoughts, and the complicated expression on his face tells you he isn’t entirely sure how to take your words. “I mean, isn’t it about fun most of all?” you add, and now he furrows his brows.

“It’s not that it’s not about fun, just… you need to be careful about these things. Even with what we did last time, if I put my hand around your throat the wrong way or apply too much pressure I can seriously hurt you. And I don’t want that.” Not just from the content of his speech, but also from the way he looks at you you can tell that there’s some very logical reasons behind his caution, and it causes you to think that maybe you’re not taking this seriously enough.

“You’re right, I think I get it now,” you answer, lowering your head apologetically.

“So maybe we should start with the things I’ve done before,” your partner continues. “That way we can test the waters, and I can make sure I know what I’m doing and can ensure your safety.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“So… are you okay with the kind of dynamic where I take on a more dominant role?” he follows up with a question, and you swallow thickly at all the associations popping up in your head. Even just the thought of you submitting to him has your temperature rising, and so you nod.

“Yes, I would like that.”

You talk about a few things, mostly kinks and practices he brings up, and as he’s taking his time discussing everything, repeatedly reminding you that if you’re unsure about something you can just say no and bring it up at a later point if you happen to get curious about it again, you’re beginning to develop an entirely new understanding of boundaries. It’s like everyone talks about them and their importance, yet it’s hard to figure out how to have a conversation about them, except for the “say no if you don’t want something” part. And even that’s tricky, because sometimes people simply don’t respect a no.

You feel like that’s not the case here at all, and so your conversation becomes yet another reason for why you feel you can trust him so much. And at the same time you come to understand that he too needs to be able to trust you, if you’re going to try getting more adventurous in the bedroom.

“Let’s use the color system, just in case,” he suggests. “Have you heard of it?”

“Like ‘green’ for ‘keep going’, ‘red’ for ‘stop’ and ‘yellow’ for…”

“For ‘slow down’ or… as a sign you’re getting close to your limits,” he finishes the sentence for you. “Even if we’re just going to try one thing at a time, I’d like to use that to check in with you, just in case.” You agree with his suggestion, and at the same time you notice how you’re much more comfortable than at the beginning of the conversation. No trace of awkwardness left. Instead, you feel yourself getting excited at all the new opportunities opening themselves up to you at once. You’ve been fantasizing about spicing up your sex life for a while now, and having finally made that first step towards it affects you in more ways than one.

“So…” you mutter as you lean in, your hands reaching for his and fitting into them very naturally. “Wanna get right to it?” You ask, your lips merely an inch away from his, but Jongho just laughs as he leans back.

“Y/N, isn’t it about time you leave for your evening class?” Immediately, a pout forms on your lips, and you’re more than unhappy about him bursting your bubble like that.

“It’s not a class, it’s just a meet-up for a project…” you refute, though you shouldn’t skip that either. Your boyfriend gives you an endearing look, his gums showing as he shoots you a smile and he extends his arm to run his fingers through your hair.

“Go to that meet-up, Y/N,” he says, and his expression changes ever so slightly as he adds, “And when you’re back, we can see if there’s a way I can reward you for your hard work.” You can undeniably feel the shift in energy from his last words, the way you suddenly feel like you’re smaller than him, like he’s been elevated to standing just a step above you. It’s not like you haven’t felt this air of dominance radiating off of him ever before, but after your conversation just now it has been put into an entirely new context, and it causes yet another spark of excitement to sear through you. And so all you can do is nod and get up to get ready for your meeting.

When the sun has long set and you get back home, your boyfriend is already awaiting you, as promised. To the question about whether you have eaten dinner yet, you answer no, and to your dismay he makes you wait for the thing you’re really craving just a bit longer.

“You should eat,” he says, hand brushing against your back as he notices you sitting down in front of some leftovers with a disappointed expression on your face that you just can’t hide, and he adds with an amused chuckle, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this impatient.” You say nothing, and when you continue sulking it just makes him laugh some more. You know he’s being caring - and definitely reasonable - when he makes you do your evening routine too after that, but deep inside you really do wonder how he can bear the wait that you’re very much already tired of. And then finally you’re moving towards the bedroom, and if you’re not mistaken you can finally see a hint of impatience in the way he watches you walk up to him.

You take a step forward, to where he’s sitting at the edge of the bed and you place your hands on his shoulders, fingers playing with the collar of his pajamas. His hands find purchase on your waist, pulling you in closer yet, until your shins hit the wooden bedframe, and then his palms wander south to your hips. 

“I’ve made you wait too long, hm?” he mutters. You say nothing, instead running your fingers through his hair, and your boyfriend briefly closes his eyes as he leans into your touch. You move towards him, bowing down in order to press a kiss onto his lips, and when your fingers begin fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, you reply with a chuckle,

“You did.” Watching you as you finish undoing the button-up shirt, he allows you to sit in his lap to straddle him once you’re done, and without hesitation you connect your lips to his. You can feel him sigh into your kiss as your fingertips come in contact with his stomach, and you move your palm all the way up in order to place it at the back of his neck. His tongue swiping across your bottom lip, you let him deepen the kiss, and when you play with the short strands at the back of his head he becomes just a little more passionate in how he kisses you. Effortlessly, he takes the lead from you, and when you finally part you’re more breathless than he is. One of his palms now placed at the small of your back, he pulls you closer yet, applying some pressure to make you roll your hips on top of him. 

“That’s right,” he mutters, your faces mere inches apart, and you let out a shaky breath at the friction of your clothed cunt rubbing against his leg. He brings his free hand up to cup your cheek, gaze dropping down to your lips, but contrary to your expectation, he doesn’t kiss you. “Keep going,” he encourages you, and so you fall into a steady rhythm, a wave of heat rushing to your core with every repetition of your movements. “Feels good?” he asks and you nod.

“Yeah…” His gaze burns like fire as he watches you closely, making sure he doesn’t miss a single change of expression on your face.

“So, what’s your color?”

“Green…” you respond without having to think about it much, feeling the pleasure slowly building up. “You could tell though, right?” you add.

“Yeah.” Jongho smiles at you, letting his hands travel to the hem of your shirt and pulling it up. You let go of his shoulders for a moment to let him peel it off you, before he flings it somewhere to the ground and you throw your arms around his neck again. “Just thought I could bring it up once,” he then adds, and you let him hear a soft chuckle. 

“You don’t have to be that careful,” you whisper. To be quite honest, you adore him for taking your safety so seriously, way more seriously than you think is necessary - because as for you there’s no way you’d feel uncomfortable about something as tame as this, but you appreciate his caution nonetheless.

A curse falls from your lips as you’re able to feel your orgasm gradually building up somewhere in the depths of your stomach, and when you feel him running his hands up your torso once more, a shiver runs down your spine. He’s letting his touch come close to your throat, but not quite far enough, and yet you lean your head back instinctively, to give him access. You don’t miss the amused huff he lets out at your reaction, and instead of his fingers, you can now feel his lips attached to your skin there. Supporting you with his palm against your back, he kisses his way up along your pulse, the sensation making you moan, and when he lets his teeth graze your skin just below your ear your head starts to spin. Your hips stutter at the sensations overwhelming you, and he’s quick to reach for your waist to hold you down, making you halt your movements. He scatters kisses along your jaw before calling your name to make you look at him, and when you do, he brushes his lips against yours. Deepening the kiss, he simultaneously slips his hand past the hem of your pants, and when he presses his fingertips against your folds through your soaked underwear, you can feel him grinning into the kiss.

“Already made a mess of yourself, hm?” You shudder at his words, and at the tone of his voice that’s somehow different from how he usually talks to you in this kind of situation. You’re used to him speaking softly as he quite literally makes love to you, but this is different. 

Everything about it is different, right from the moment he invited you to sit on his lap. So this is what he was talking about, what you were so curious about, and now that you’re getting a taste of this side of your boyfriend, the only thing you know is that you want more.

“Y-yeah,” you can only whimper an answer, and you suck in a sharp breath when he pushes aside your soiled panties in order to touch you directly. He watches again, the look in his eyes making you feel small and helpless - but not in a bad way. It’s like you want him to take control of you, to do with you whatever he pleases - you feel yourself submitting to him. 

A finger pushed inside your wet pussy has you moaning, a second finger makes you curse and fall forward, attempting to bury your face in the crook of his neck, but he clicks his tongue and pushes you back into an upright position with his palm against your chest. 

“I want to watch,” Jongho says, it’s almost a whisper, the energy behind his words is very different from the last time this exact scenario played out, and his words ring in your ears loudly, only serving to amplify the pleasure his touches send through your body. Bucking your hips into his hand to see whether he would allow you to move, you become aware of the bulge in his pants, and the urge to touch him overcomes you.

“Can I…?” You ask, looking down on him and then back into his face, and his answer is short and clear.

“No.” He curls his fingers that are buried in your cunt, pulling them out only to thrust them back in, and when he finds that perfect spot inside you, you arch your back into his touch, your nails digging into the fabric covering his shoulders.

“Right there… don’t stop…” you beg, eyes shut tightly, as he continues fingering you at an unhurried pace. You roll your hips into his hand, your sensitive bud grazing his palm for some friction with every movement, and you can now undeniably feel your high approaching at lightning speed. 

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says, and your name spoken in this tone you’ve never heard from him alone would’ve almost sent you over the edge. “You look so pretty when you cum. But…” The broken whine you let out when he removes his hand from your core as you shudder causes a hint of delight to tug at the corners of his mouth. “You’re gonna look even prettier when you cum with my hand around your throat.”

“Why…” is all you can whimper at his sudden action, not having fully registered the meaning of his last words yet. Then he pushes you off his lap and back onto your feet.

“Take your clothes off for me,” he orders, his tone softening, yet his sharp gaze won’t leave you. You do as told, and he as well rids himself of his pajamas, before he makes you lie down flat and comfortably in the middle of the bed. He wastes no time to get on top of you, scattering a trail of impatient kisses from your sternum up to your mouth. His lips feel rougher against yours now, his tongue quick to part them and to find yours as your hands fly to his back, nails digging into his bare skin. Up until now he’s usually taken his time with you, no surprising movements at all, and so you understandably gasp in surprise when now he unexpectedly breaks the kiss to sit up, reaching for your thighs and bringing them up. Throwing your legs over his shoulders, he leans in closer, and you mewl when he rolls his hips against yours once, his cock grazing your folds and clit.

“That feel okay?” he asks, and you nod immediately, clenching around thin air as you feel yourself growing more and more impatient. 

“I’m okay,” you reply, desperately. “More than okay.” His hands resting on the underside of your thighs as he presses them into the sheets to your sides, he pushes up into you, making you cry out from the force behind his thrust. 

“Shit…” you curse at the impact.

“And that?” he asks. “How’s-”

“Please just keep going, please…” you interrupt him, and contrary to your plea, he does nothing but look down at your state with a big smirk on his face. He has you exactly where he wants you, you know that now, and to be honest? You can only wonder why you haven’t started having rougher sex like this earlier. “Please…” you whimper again.

“What do you want?” Jongho asks, placing one of his palms onto your stomach. “Want me to ruin you?”

“Y-yes please,” you whine. He moves his hand up a bit, slowly, but not too slow, and when he finally snakes his fingers around your throat, you let out an uncontrolled moan.

“Like this?” he asks, and at this point you’re sure he’s only dragging this out to provoke you for the fun of it. And yet, with his hand around your neck like this you don’t have the strength in you to fight back or to do anything but beg.

“Y-yes… baby please…” 

“Please what?”

“Please ruin me…” This seemingly being the answer he wanted to hear, he now starts thrusting into you, slowly at first. But his smooth motions soon turn into something rougher, something led not by self-control, but by his own lust, maybe his need for release, maybe his desire to see with his own eyes what he can do to you like this. And then there’s his hand around your throat, his touch feeling hot against your skin, even though it’s only resting there, not applying any pressure whatsoever. And still you find yourself unable to do anything but moan along with the pace he’s pounding into you, his weight pressing your body into the mattress. Groans fall from his lips as well, and you can feel a dull pain as he digs his nails into the flesh on your thigh. 

“‘M coming… close…” you mewl, and as if that was his cue, you feel his grip around your neck becoming just a bit tighter, and his fingertips press down onto your pulse. Your head starts to spin, your mouth falling open, one broken moan after the other coming out, and mere moments later your high crashes down on you. Your body shakes violently and you feel your boyfriend’s hand being retracted from your throat, and the second he does you moan his name, clenching around his length that’s thrusting in and out of you even faster now. It doesn’t take long until he as well finds his release, a hissed curse falling from his lips as his short hair falls into his face, covering his expression as he too is shaken from the pleasure.

He pulls out of you, reaching for the tissues he’s keeping beside his bed to help clean you up before doing the same for himself and then he thoroughly inspects your throat, making sure he didn’t accidentally apply too much pressure or leave a mark.

“Are you okay?” he asks and you nod. “No pain anywhere?”

“No,” you answer, giving him a tired smile, and then you sit up. “Actually… I really enjoyed that.” For some reason you feel shy as you speak those words, and he immediately picks up on your state of mind, reaching out to cup your face and run his thumb across your cheek in a reassuring motion.

“That’s good.”

“And you? Did you… enjoy it?” And now suddenly he looks away somewhat shyly as well, and for a second there it’s hard to imagine this is the same person who’s been fucking you like that just a hot minute ago.

“I did,” your boyfriend answers. 

“Then let’s try out more,” you suggest, but then you rephrase your words to make them come out sounding as sure of yourself as you are. “I want to know more.”

[butterfly-ribbon]

the most immediate aspect of ena5 i keep coming back to is how ena lingers on how those boys asked if "she was a guy too." it comes up repeatedly throughout the event, her guilt about not knowing what to say, not reacting perfectly at the time, what she could have done differently, and most importantly how she can’t stop thinking about it – it’s exactly what mizuki hates, what she fears, because mizuki's wish was always for nothing between them to change—her wish is to not be treated in a different way from any other girl.

i think this makes sense in the context of ena feeling guilty, but it's also ena being cognizant of the fact that she can't help but fixate on the truth behind mizuki’s secret. internalized misogyny has always been a struggle for ena, despite how honest she is in her hatred of men (especially her father) – even though she clearly loves girls, that harm inflicted upon her, that victim-blaming and infantilization lead to an externalized self-loathing which she takes out on others almost in spite of herself.

ena's first focus event was about her feeling like she isn't a good enough artist for niigo and the trauma she has from her father telling her she isn't talented enough – quite literally him telling her she will never be good enough to do the one thing that fuels her existence.  her second one is fairly self-contained, less about niigo and more about her trying to go back to art class after running away, and once again dealing with the long-term effect of how her father dismissed her. her third is about learning to engage with mafuyu as a victim in productive ways and learning to recognize that her pain can coexist with mafuyu’s which is very important in the context of how ena reacted to finding out that mafuyu is suicidal despite being OWN. and then her fourth is her having the opportunity to see her father as a flawed person rather than the insurmountable idea of an Inherently Talented Artist. these four events have built up to that which she now has to recognize in the complex experience mizuki has with womanhood.

her fifth is also a very obvious parallel to the third, because while ena does very genuinely care for mafuyu and mizuki – she ends up projecting so much self-loathing and envy onto mafuyu, leaving mizuki in between to manage and deflect their emotions – even sometimes making subtle passive-aggressive remarks to get back at ena either because she can't risk fighting or expressing too much of herself and her own dissatisfaction because she would at the biggest disadvantage as the more vulnerable between the two. and when ena has to navigate speaking to mafuyu's mother, there is a recognition of how subtly insidious the woman is and how it both contrasts and parallels her experience with her father. it’s further meaningful because ena3 is about ena breaking the shell of her victim blaming mindset. the way ena treats mafuyu changes a lot from hereon, but what’s important is that isn't enough on its own. ena's growth isn't complete unless she learns to properly engage with mizuki, which she can only do by learning to engage her complex reality as a trans girl.

with that in mind, i really love to see ena acknowledging not just the way she fixates on the “what ifs” and “how she could've handled things differently” – it’s further how she fixates on mizuki's transness. what’s also even more important is that she acknowledges that this is what mizuki hates more than anything. she knows it isn't right of her. she doesn't want this because she doesn't want to hurt mizuki in the way she fears the most. this is through no fault of mizuki’s of course. after all, she doesn't deserve to have her transness fixated upon because that turns it into something inherently Other. that’s why i also like that they're willing to acknowledge that being outed and acceptance isn't simple. it can be complex and painful on both sides without it being something that decentralizes the person most affected (the trans girl, mizuki).

as much as mizuki wished she could just say it and keep going as though nothing changed this couldn't have happened either ... we live in a world where misogyny and transmisogyny are baked into everything ... it's vital for ena to engage with her own biases and prejudices when thinking about approaching mizuki because otherwise she can’t move forward with her. she can't just treat this as though it changes nothing about their dynamic because it absolutely does recontextualize so much … ena being a transmisogyny exempt girl holds fundamental privilege/power over mizuki, just like the prejudiced students do, so ena must tread the thorn-laden path, enduring pain, in order to reach mizuki and bathe her in the warmth of her light, because the pain of making mistakes and still pushing forward is worth everything.

this is ena’s turning point. it's ena talking to someone who knew mizuki back in middle school – the time when she was forced back into the closet – learning the extent of the loneliness she's always felt. she thinks back to the specific moment where student A is like "are you a guy too?" and then finally starts to understand the depth of the cruelty that mizuki has been subjected to. even if she can't truly imagine it (and while we're on this topic, i think this is yet another way the writing acknowledges that mizuki is not a boy and that this is abuse). it also isn't fair for ena to continue fixating on mizuki's transness in this way while wallowing in her own misery, since in doing so, she would be centering herself when the one who was the victim in that moment was mizuki herself.

ena might've messed up, but it wasn't out of bigotry or actual like... looking down on mizuki. she acted in a way that she ended up regretting in a very messy situation and i think that's meaningful too, because again she's done that in many situations with mafuyu and genuinely felt bad about it after the fact. ena is messy and her way of loving people ... she can be so ... rough sometimes, y'know? but she always shows a willingness to learn from her mistakes and interrogate her own behavior. even in my footprints, your destination she keeps pressuring mizuki to talk with her about her problems for most of the event and it's not out of any ill intent, but it's not a good approach because this kind of thing can easily veer into coercive territory and that's particularly traumatic in the context of a trans girl being forced to come out? ena obviously didn't mean anything bad by it because she didn't know or understand the gravity of what she was dealing with, and she was genuinely concerned for mizuki's well-being and wanted her to know that she has someone in her corner who's more than happy to hear her out, but she's also brash, demanding and hot headed so it was a good opportunity for her to see things from a different perspective, leading her to adopt a more patient and understanding approach for the first time? this event builds on this in an interesting way specifically because it isn't afraid to explore how a cis girl like ena needs to unpack her own biases before she's able to connect with mizuki again, but what makes this even better is that mizuki doesn't exist to fix her or make her a better person – mizuki makes ena want that herself. ena doesn't become a better person because mizuki acts like a manic pixie dream girl for her (if anything she constantly fails at this in ena's presence because her mask starts cracking around her a lot), but ena strives to better herself because she can see those cracks and she wants to provide mizuki with genuine support. she wants to be someone that mizuki can truly rely on and drop the facade around because she loves her so much.

mizuki is also being allowed a more mafuyu role here and i think that's compelling insofar as a deconstruction of mizuki's facade and how it's rooted in a fraught engagement with transfemininity in the history of anime and manga.

i also really love this because it’s a callback to the locked room from mizu5. once again, the reason ena finds mizuki is because she knows her better than anyone else. this time there are no boys to co-opt mizuki or interfere with both of them. she ended up avoiding going to school directly and this being the reason ena found her … it's like an answer arc to mizu5. the locked room of mizuki’s heart and how ena has the key to that, finally, after making effort to understand her. this could also be seen as a reference to the hermit cards and the lock upon mizuki’s heart.

[1moreff-creator]

Extra DRDT CH2 Episode 12 Thoughts

Heya! After making my last post where I just live-blogged my immediate reaction to the episode, I had a few more thoughts that I figured I should write down somewhere. They’re all too small for their own posts, but I still think they’re worth sharing.

Spoilers for CH2 EP12

CW: Murder, hanging, suicide.

The Water Thing

This episode brought up two interesting points which had rarely, if ever, been discussed within the fandom: Arei’s body swinging, and her body temperature and its connection to water. And while I’m relatively sure I saw one or two people mention the swinging at some point, the temperature issue is certainly a new one.

The swinging was explained in the trial: Arei’s body was hung shortly before it was found. But J says something interesting; the corpse should have been warm, unless it was drenched in water and dried. Paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

However, I actually don’t think this is a big deal, just adds a slight addendum to previous murder theories. We know the killer dumped the fish in the playground to confuse time of death, so I believe the killer likely splashed Arei with the water to cool her down. This is assuming they even thought about the body temperature, but I don’t think this is a large assumption to make.

I have seen people claim that Arei’s hair looks somewhat wet in the BDA, which… maybe? Anyways, this idea would explain that as well.

This might even give us Possible Explanation Number I Lost Count for the damn missing glove. Maybe it got particularly wet and the culprit worried it wouldn’t dry quickly enough? If people discovered a dripping wet bowling glove, the whole “using fish to confuse the time of death” thing would kinda go straight out the window. I have no idea if that makes any amount of sense, I don’t see why the glove would dry any slower than the rest of her clothes, but oh well.

Arturo’s Talent, and his Recap Foil: Levi

(Here’s the link to the original Recap Foil Theory post by gleamingtempest, in case you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Kinda forgot this was a thing when first watching the episode, but now looking back on it, there’s some neat foiling going on. Levi and Arturo’s backstory already were somewhat opposites in some aspects: Arturo got away from home himself while Levi was disowned, though Levi seems to hold a higher degree of respect for his family in comparison to Arturo. Levi is (now confirmed!) a murderer with no remorse, while Arturo accidentally caused Felicity’s death to some extent and clearly feels guilty about it. Etcetera.

Well, we can add a new detail to this foil! Arturo’s been training his talent since he was twelve, while Levi has admitted since introduction that he’s “a novice to fashion.” Neat detail, and certainly adds to this theory.

Terumin VS Xanvid

Thanks to Haru for pointing this out, but Teruko’s “I’ll fix my mistake” echoes Min’s “I’ll fix your mistake” from her Argument Armament. As I mentioned in the linked post, it’s cool that Teruko is taking a sort of Min-like attitude to her mistakes while calling Xander out, while David is taking Xander’s side in the same trial he calls Min pathetic. Foils and all that.

(Doomed Yuri V Doomed Yaoi, fight!)

This makes me hopeful that Min will still have some importance later. But I’m probably just coping.

What Was David Cooking?

I am kinda sick of talking about this man, frankly. I blame the almost three hour video I made on his MV. But oh well, he’ll stop being center focus soon enough. For now, His Deal is still one of the most central aspects of the episodes, so discuss him I will.

There are two big points of contention with what he said this trial. First, what does he remember about Xander? Second, what was he actually trying to do by pretending to be Arei’s murderer?

The first is pretty simple to assume, I think. David remembers whatever Xander did to become the Ultimate Rebel, and respects him as a result. Especially since Xander’s numeral I in LGI, the Footnote 14 code solved by y-prime, is “I have always looked up to you.”

I don’t think David has Hope’s Peak memories, despite his weird wording with “even if you all lost a year of memories.” He specifically says he and Xander had never met in his Prologue introduction, before they had any real reason to believe they’d lost memories. The LGI video also doesn’t add anything, because… well, it’s not a Milgram MV. It doesn’t come from his memories, it exists purely in meta. This is evident from the comments referencing Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi, characters these people should have no knowledge of as Veronika claims not to remember anything like the DRDT killing game happening before; certain references to conversations and details David shouldn’t be aware of (mainly in numeral placement), etc.

(While I was writing that, the dev seemingly clarified that David does not have Hope’s Peak memories, then deleted the tweet, so. Just in case, there’s the full reasoning)

The second one is trickier. David is following Xander’s ideals, but that’s all we know. We don’t have a concrete idea of what Xander’s ideals really were, and it’s even harder to know what David thinks Xander’s ideals were.

David: I’m sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes.

He believes Xander had a good reason for trying to kill Teruko, he says he’s sure of it, but he never implies to know exactly what the reason was. And if he doesn’t know the exact reason, he can’t for sure say what ideal Xander was upholding by doing what he did.

But, he knows what Xander was trying to do; kill everyone. Because if it was just Teruko, he wouldn’t have tried to mislead people with the CD thing. Although, Xander was following that one note that said to “kill Teruko Tawaki,” so it could potentially be targeted.

So, taking credit for Arei’s murder to try and kill everyone is because Xander tried to do something similar. But the deeper reason he gave, about the nature of the killing game, is it true?

(Apologies in advance for the particularly horrible collage. I am without a reliable computer atm)

David [Annoyed]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer?

[Face covered] …

I…

[Sweating] Ah… We’re… in a television show, after all. That’s… what MonoTV said, right?

“Entertainment” is an ongoing show.

If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, isn’t that way less interesting for a TV show?

What’s the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately?

The killer is supposed to fail and get executed. We’re all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trail. You’re *supposed* to try to survive.

All of you, who are trying to slice these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV’s hands.

[Confident] As if I’ll accept that.

I don’t care how low I’ll sink, or how despicable I’ll have to become. I’ll do anything to carry on Xander’s ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Oh, this man is lying out his ass.

This is not an answer you hesitate over if it’s true. The words David is saying are neutral; the show is meant for entertainment, and it’s not entertaining if people die early. There’s no controversy there, no reason to be nervous. Especially since Eden’s already come to the same conclusion.

Veronika: You know, Eden once thought of an interesting plan to end the killing game. Based on everything we know, it could theoretically work.

[…]

To make a television show so boring they have no choice but to shut it down.

All we have to do is nothing.

You’re not supposed to be sweating when you’re effectively repeating something Eden said, even if under a different context.

First, David says he’ll give “any answer”, already making anything he says shady. Then, he seems to deliberate on what to say, which is already suspicious.

The most notable thing is that when he starts talking about the TV show, and what it means for it to be entertaining, he still hesitates. If his plan really was to make the TV show boring, once he decides to spill the beans, there’s nothing to hesitate about.

He only regains his confidence at the end, ironically when he’s saying the actually insane stuff. He finally finds the character he was trying to play and actually says something true; he wants to uphold Xander’s ideals and end the killing game. But I really don’t think it’s because he wants to make it boring.

In other words, he’s not lying about wanting to follow Xander and end the killing game, but his explanation about the entertainment has nothing to do with that. It’s way too simple of an explanation for the amount he hesitates. At least, that’s what I think, I may be wrong.

That brings us to the question; if he didn’t take the blame to make the game boring, why did he do it?

Well, currently and without too much confidence, I believe it has to do with Xander’s secondary goal; killing Teruko Tawaki.

One of the most well-accepted theories in the community is that David’s secret, “everything in your life is worth killing over [and] the killing game is all your fault,” isn’t Xander’s, but Teruko’s.

(In fact, side theory: I’m betting (on little evidence) that by the end of the trial, it will be David with his fanboy knowledge to point out that the “survivor’s guilt” secret that Min “received” was actually Xander’s, and reveal by process of elimination (since it’s likely going to be revealed in the trial that Hu has Veronika’s secret and Veronika has Hu’s, assuming those theories are true) that Min has the poison secret. It’s a bit of a wild prediction, but I think it’s a reasonable possibility to how the series would go about confirming the secrets of the dead)

That, combined with the fact that Xander followed a note that told him to kill Teruko, would certainly be enough for David to decide that Teruko’s gotta die. And killing everyone in the class trial is probably the best way to ensure that happens, since David probably doesn’t hunk attacking her directly is a good idea. If Xander, physically the strongest student in the cast, couldn’t get past Teruko’s luck, what the hell is David supposed to do? Especially now that she carries a knife, though I’m not sure David knows that.

It’s not even that out of nowhere; in the LGI video, Teruko’s numeral XIII appears next to a quote regarding the child of Omelas among other things. Very long story (skip to 1:22:22 in this video for the full explanation), but the child of Omelas is someone who must suffer so everyone else can live in a perfect world. It’s possible David thinks of Teruko, for one reason or another, as the Omelas child; she’s gotta die so everyone can be happy. She is someone “deeply unloved” after all.

Now, is this a stretch? Certainly. But I don’t think David’s telling the truth about his motivations, and I think this is one of the more likely options as to what exactly he was cooking here. I’m sure there’s better explanations out there, I just haven’t seen them :v

David VS Whit

I kinda skipped over the “Red Herring pun to David Freakout” line at first, but I think it’s pretty interesting that David gets so mad at Whit’s behavior. They are Recap Foils, so it makes sense they’d have strong emotions towards each other.

In particular, I’d like to point out how David gets mad at Whit for something similar to what he does as a motivational speaker.

I mentioned it in the previously mentioned section of my LGI analysis, but I believe part of the reason David hates Teruko is that he sees himself in her (pessimistic, thinks the world won’t change, etc), and this would be the other side of that. David constantly says things he doesn’t believe to make people happy, and he considers that to be pretty stupid, so it makes sense for him to get frustrated when seeing Whit doing something similar, trying to raise spirits by telling jokes. Looking at Whit is sorta like looking in a mirror, and David hates that. The mirror in LGI is labeled “reflection is due” for a reason.

I’m not fully sure this works 100%, but I think it’s at least worth considering.

Updates on Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice

In case you’re new here, here’s a link to my post detailing the Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice theory, which I came up with alongside some other theorists, and is what I currently believe the murder to be. My thoughts on possible character motivation and the such have shifted a bit since then, but the important part is the physical evidence. In particular, the combination of Lockdown Logic to determine Eden most likely took the tape from the gym and the Fish Timeline to determine someone else must have helped her get the fish, combined with the overly complicated murder method which I describe in detail, leads me to believe Eden is the blackened, and Levi helped her kill Arei.

I’m not going to talk about other theories, I’ll let the dedicated theorists perfect them with the new evidence in their own time. But, how does this theory change?

On the surface, uh, not much. We haven’t talked method much, after all.

(Side note, I know some people are bothered by how long that’s taking, and while I kinda get it, I’m not bothered by it. We’re in no rush; I prefer it if all the character conflict is addressed at some point, even if it delays talking about the actual method. Better than it going unaddressed, after all)

The only change is adding that they splashed Arei with water to hide her body temperature, but as discussed, that’s a minor change.

The big wrench thrown into this theory is the end, because… I’ll be honest, dear audience, I have no clue what Levi’s cooking here. Like, at all. Zero read on why he’s revealing his secret. I could try to speculate, but I can’t find any fully satisfactory answer even outside the Levi!Accomplice theory. Nothing makes sense to me, so I’ll just wait for the next episode before trying to read into it.

There is one unrelated thing I want to bring up, though, and it’s related to Levi’s possible motivation. I know this is one of the biggest sticking points in the theory (obviously), so I’d like to talk about it.

As a refresher: although alternate ideas have been offered, my current guess is that it has to do with his desire to be a good person, and the fact he considers Eden a good person. Cue the whole “A Good Person” hidden title behind “All That Glitters.”

Levi: Perhaps I messed up yesterday. But I want to move on. I want to keep trying to become ‘a good person,’ like you, Eden.

The idea goes like this. Levi thinks Eden is good, and so he wants to do good by her. Based on the secret quote in the code of his character page, we can tell he prefers to speak through actions. He’s a bold action man, and that can cause him to come off as heartless.

Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

My personal theory (again, other Levi motives are possible) assumes that Levi believes someone will win the killing game eventually (and this is an assumption, I won’t deny it), and if only one persona can escape, he’d rather it be Eden than anyone else. Again, “good person.” Levi will die, sure, but unless he becomes a blackened himself, he’s going to die regardless whenever someone gets away with murder.

Now, this isn’t anything drastically different than what I said in the theory post, so why am I bringing it up?

Well, the thing is… Doing something horrible, throwing away your own life and those of most of your peers, all for the sake of the one you’ve deemed to be “a good person”…

Now where have I heard that before?

David: But doing “good” things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as a good person.

Even if doing something makes you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it’s an action you have to take.

Xander is a good person. He’s the only good person I’ve ever known. I swear, I’ll follow in his footsteps and—

Huh. Funny how that works.

My point is that not only is “doing good by the only good person here” now a pre-established line of reasoning these characters can have, Levi doing such a thing for Eden would be a very interesting parallel to what David tried to do for Xander.

This isn’t evidence, to be clear. Just because one guy does it, doesn’t mean a completely unrelated dude is gonna do it too. But I’m calling it now as a potentially interesting parallel to explore, either in canon if I’m right or, like, an AU if I’m wrong :v

That said, I will point out that Hu’s capital G Girlboss Moment is directly after this, the one where she chews David out for deciding what’s best for all of them without consultation. And a little bit afterwards, Levi starts acting weird, apologizing for being useless, revealing his secret, etc. These two things could be connected, if Levi is, like, having second thoughts after that.

I could see a world where Levi’s trying to bring the conversation towards the right answer without fully committing to it, only for something or someone to somehow convince him back to accomplice-hood middway through it. I find that immensely unlikely, to be clear, but again, I genuinely have no idea what Levi’s trying to do right now, so.

All in all, a pretty neutral episode for this theory. Next one could completely break it, though, so I’m excited. I might have to come up with new theories! >:D

God I missed DRDT. And the only drawback of coming back is re-opening LGI trauma :D /silly

Anyways, thanks for reading! See you on the flipside!

[aphrodicci]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔶 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔭𝔥𝔬𝔱𝔬𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔢𝔡 𝔭𝔢𝔬𝔭𝔩𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡

♇ before i get into this post, these celebrities that'll be mentioned are not in order of who is the most photographed, and if there's a celebrity that i have left out in the most photographed people, i mostly likely purposely left them out, there's only twelve people i have picked.

♇ on the other hand, this post can be used to see how you might be treated in the future if you were famous and if you could even belong to the most photographed people in the world days beyond :) + neptune is a very important theme in this post.

+ is also a fame indicator post.

THE DEGREES EXPLAINED HERE IS AIDED BY JANDUZ OR BY MY OWN RESEARCH.

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the celebrities/figures i used for this information to be calculated were, pope john paul ii, queen elizabeth, barack obama, marilyn monroe, michael jackson, britney spears, elvis presley, princess diana, muhammad ali, rihanna, john f kennedy and audrey hepburn.

ASCENDANT

♇ the sign in the ascendant that had appeared the most was libra, second was leo and the third was sagittarius, for the modality; the modality that had appeared the most was cardinal while the element for the ascendant that had appeared the most within this research was fire.

♇ though for libra to be the sign that had appeared the most can link to how libra is venus ruled and venus is one of the planets that governs over pictures/cameras and is the more public and media sign of the venus if compared to taurus.

♇ the degrees on the ascendant that had appeared the most was the 18°, a degree that can bring respect to the individual, it's evident that all these people are respected to what they bring to the table, who they are and who they represent. on the other hand, most of the degrees that appeared within the research were mutable/water degrees.

♇ the ascendant aspect that appeared the most was the ascendant aspecting the sun, and much of these aspects were in opposition, the people i have researched are clearly people under a spotlight and since most of them did have the ascendant opposition a planet, it does insinuate that much of them didn't like the attention they received no matter how happy the appeared in front of the paparazzi.

the ascendant aspect to come in second place was the ascendant aspecting mercury. if i am correct, mercury does rule over journalists/paparazzi.

SUN

♇ the sun sign that appeared the most for people who have been photographed the most or chased by the paparazzi is taurus, taurus is ruled by venus which rules over cameras. the second sign to appear the most was capricorn the sign can indicate public fame and having the attention of everyone.

though with the signs that appeared all together, the modality that appeared the most was the mutable modality, and it could be because of how the public and paparazzi like how these celebrities can change who they are to present themselves the way the media like.

♇ the element that appeared the most for the sun sign was earth, the earth element being the most presentable element, an element based on the real world and everything that comes with it, so if you're an earth sun and you become famous, you're likely going to get every thing fame brings, the realistic side of it.

♇ the house the sun appeared in the most for these people was the 6H, it's comical because the 6H can be deemed as the first enemy house and most of these times the celebrities do perceive paparazzi as their enemies most of the times, but the 6H is known as the working house, [along the 10H], but most of these times whenever a paparazzi get's a good picture of a well-known celebrity they get extra cash.

the second house the sun appeared most in, was the 2H and it could link to how these paparazzi's do this as a way of income.

♇ for the sun, the degrees that appeared the most was both the 10° and the 27°, a capricorn and a gemini degree, the 10° is not perceived as the best degree as it is found in a lot of famous exploited people, thus having this degree in a big three or even six does insinuate being disrespected by the paparazzi when it comes to boundaries.

the 27°, the gemini degree is another exploitation degree, usually because one can be favoured so much to the point that people would want to see every move of theirs, and it can become very over-whelming.

the element that appeared the most for the degree, is the air sign degrees, air signs being the social/connections element.

♇ the aspects that appeared the most for the sun is the celestial planet aspecting neptune, neptune another fame planet which also rules glamour, over paparazzi and the more unspoken part of fame.

the second aspect that came out the most was the sun aspecting the moon, the moon is not really deemed as a fame planet, but it brings an audience. two of the planets that were mentioned were water planets. neptune rules pisces and the moon rules cancer.

MOON

♇ as expected, the moon sign that appeared the most for the most photographed people was aquarius moon, three aquarius moon women here marilyn monroe, britney spears and princess diana was exploited in many places, were taken photographs even though they did not want it, aquarius rules unexpected surprises [and it being with the moon is a fame indicator as well,] can bring unwanted themes of fame.

the second moon sign placement was the pisces moon, pisces being ruled by cameras and the paparazzi, not surprising that it came in the top 2. people might also want to live through them by the pictures taken.

♇ the houses the moon appeared in the most was the 1H, the 1H is a fame house and is about "YOU". the second house the moon appeared in the most was the 7H, the house of general public, a business house, like i've said before, people took the pictures to earn money. the 7H is an open-enemies house, and by the celebrities point of views, they did not like the paparazzi.

♇ the modality houses they appeared in the most was cardinal/axis houses, [1H, 4H, 7H and 10H] all important houses for someone's life. the cardinal modality can bring fame because you're the face of a commodity.

moving on with degrees, the degree that appeared the most was the 12°, this degree can bring idolisation.

♇ the aspects that came out the most was the moon aspecting saturn, the moon brings an audience and with it aspecting saturn doesnt necessarily mean it'll bring restriction to "the audience you will have" but it can also insinuate that you feel restricted because of the amount of audience/fame you receive.

the second aspect for the moon that appeared the most was the moon aspecting mercury, and like i've said in the previous paragraph, the moon brings an audience/fame, and it aspecting mercury shows that people in your audience will be very curious about you and would want to know your every move.

MERCURY

♇ the mercury sign that appeared the most was aquarius, aquarius rules over social/connections and it is a global sign [can govern over the word individual/person] and it being paired with the mercury planet makes people want to be aware with your choices, how you live, what you do etc.

the second sign to appear the most was taurus, i have explained why the taurus sign can make someone really photographed because it's rulership of venus and cameras.

though the element that appeared the most was the fire element. those of the fire element are charming, charismatic; would make much people want to catch up with them all the time.

♇ the house mercury appeared in the most was the 6H, [and i have explained how the 6H is a work/job house so obviously the paparazzi did it to earn cash + with the 6H being a mercury house it could be because of their curiosity for them].

the second house it appeared in the most was the 7H, the 7H is a business house. and the mercury planet appeared the most in Earth and Air houses.

♇ moving onto the degree that appeared the most in the mercury planet was the 13°; an Aries degree which brings respect and admiration. can make someone a powerful person which causes many people want to keep up with them, is also an indicator of attracting a lot of people.

the modality that appeared the most was cardinal, is the powerful figure modality.

♇ the mercury aspect that occurred the most was mercury aspecting venus, i've explained how venus rules over cameras [along with neptune, capturing beauty or profiles] and the second mercury aspect to come out was mercury aspecting mars, this insinuates that people can be very ambitious to be around the individual.

VENUS

♇ the sign that appeared the most for venus was aries venus, aries venus is a big beauty indicator, which audrey, rihanna and marilyn monroe [who i have used for this research] have, with this aries venus, it shows that a lot of these photographers wanted to capture their essence and beauty.

the second sign to appear was the taurus venus and this one speaks for itself with the sign itself governing beauty. yet the modality that appeared the most for the venus signs was the cardinal modality.

♇ and the house venus appeared in the most was the 5H, it's not as known but the 5H is a media house, naturally ruled by Leo, it brings people under the spotlight.

the second house that venus occurred in the most was the 7H, [7H a business and partnership house].

lastly for the houses, the venus planet ocurred in the cardinal houses, the most important houses in astrology, [axis houses]. they are the main houses that rules over "YOU".

♇ for the degrees, there wasnt a recurring degree that popped up, but aries degrees appeared the most. this fire degree brings self-confidence that makes people admired, aries degrees brings success and prestigious power, which brings more people to want to take pictures of you.

the second degree to come out the most was taurus degrees, taurus degrees can bring success to an individual, makes them profitable to other people, [btw paparazzi get good money on how good the pictures are]. taurus degrees can make someone sought out and surrounded.

the element that came out the most was the water degree, makes someone very magnetic. :)

♇ finally with the aspects that aligned with venus the most was venus aspecting pluto, makes someone very fascinating and alluring. and second to come out was venus aspecting jupiter; jupiter brings an abundance of an audience and people who admire them.

i have noticed that a lot of venus aspects that appeared the most was with outer planets.

MARS

♇ the mars sign that appeared the most was mars in taurus; i've noticed before this research, that mars in taurus was found in many popular people's natal chart; but aside from this, as i have explained that taurus being venus ruled which governs cameras/capturing beauty/essence, it being paired with mars can make people very ambitious and violent following these individuals around and trying to capture their visuals.

the second sign that occurred the most was virgo and this implies with virgo being the working sign, it can make them attract workers who are very passionate and eager making ends meet and willing to do anything to get pictures of them which can include stalking and invading person space.

♇ the house mars appeared in the most was the 8H, makes tons of sense as the 8H is one of the main stalking homes, how people earn their money, [paparazzi earning money from these individuals], can speak about burdens too, [in these matters burdens of being a celebrity].

the second house mars appeared in the most was the 1H, not surprising as the 1H is specifically about "YOU". though modality wise, mars appeared in cardinal/axis houses the most.

♇ moving onto degrees, the degree that occurred the most was the 22°, this degree can make people used and taken advantage of, in this case the media.

the second degree that appeared the most was the 20°, can make someone feel like they are struggling from achieving freedom and space from people around them.

modality wise what came up the most was the cardinal degrees.

♇ lastly, for the aspects, mars aspecting pluto was what came out the most, can show the violence and obsession people fall into while trying to photograph these celebrities/idols. [and even living through them].

the second mars aspect, was it aspecting the moon, i've spoken before that the moon brings an audience, can also bring worship. with these two aspecting each other it can move people to be heavily allured and enslaving towards the being to the point they want pictures of them all the time. [think of how people always take pictures of the moon].

NEPTUNE

♇ neptune is the main theme for this post, neptune/12h specifically governs the real/scarier/stalker side of fame, where people project onto you, where people want to be like you, and it is the main planet that rules over paparazzi.

♇ the sign that i saw come the most for neptune is leo in neptune, which isnt surprising because leo in neptune puts an individual in an even bigger spotlight. people want to capture your essence, the star-energy. [and since neptune moves slowly for about 13-14 years, for people who are reading this right now you don't need to bother about the sign neptune is in for now].

the second sign to appear was scorpio in neptune, am i surprised for that? no, it'll make the paparazzi more stalker-ish and willing to go really deep and obsessive to follow these people around.

♇ the house neptune appeared in the most was the ninth house, house of admiration and trading. [trading for how the paparazzi will trade the pictures with the people they work with for cash].

the second house it appeared in the most was the 10H, the house of public. [it also appeared the most in cardinal houses].

♇ the degree that appeared the most for the neptune planet was the 8°, a success degree but can bring lack of care of one's mental health and security from other people.

the 2°, is the second degree that appeared the most for neptune, is a success degree, a taurus degree specifically, makes people want to capture the beauty of an individual.

the modality that appeared the most was both cardinal and fixed.

♇ aspect wise, neptune aspecting pluto was what came the most, paparazzi pushing over boundaries, fans in general wanting to be around them and becoming obsessed and viewing them as many things other than human. brings the dark side of fame/popularity/success.

the second aspect to appear the most was neptune aspecting the sun, neptune and sun both brings fame, sun is spotlight and neptune is fans/paparazzi, this aspect attracts crazed people like ants on sweets.

OTHER CALCULATIONS

♇ the top three dominant signs that appeared in people's charts for this research was [we all have 3 dominant signs]. ⬎ 

aquarius.

leo.

capricorn.

♇ the top three dominant planets that appeared in people's charts for this research was [we all have 3 dominant planets] ⬎

neptune.

moon.

saturn. 

♇ the top two dominant elements that appeared in people's charts for this research was [we mainly have 1 dominant element, but 2 can count :)] ⬎ 

earth.

air.

♇ the top three house dominance that appeared in people's chart for this research was [we can have three house dominance] ⬎ 

7H.

8H.

11H.

♇ the top two modality dominance that appeared in people's chart for this research was [we can have one modality dominance] ⬎ 

fixed.

cardinal.

♇ the top three houses that had appeared the most was ⬎

7H.

6H.

3H.

♇ the house neptune was in the most were ⬎

9H.

10H.

7H.

this is the end of the post, thank you so much for reaching to this point :)

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♇

[floredaqueen]

billy and isa after a huge fight? 👀👀 (love, love, LOVVEEE your art and fics! keep up the great work, baby doll! you’re so fab :))

Hello, helloo!!♡

I love love LOOOOVVVEEE YOU!! And you're so lovely ♡♡ I hope I can do your ask justice (also sorry in advance if it takes me forever to finish but I hope you enjoyy♡>///< ♡♡

BLURB +18

TW: Deals w/Bullying, Heavy Profanity, Billy being a dickhead. Hurt w/Comfort The usual ♡

...

Isa and Billy don't really fight, especially since Isa is very conflict avoidant. She's getting better at that communication, but they rarely ever yell, scream, or say mean things to one another. If they ever did fight, it was probably during the first year they met; their senior year...

The first week of senior year for Isabela was like riding a bike. Easy A's all across the board. The Latina was already climbing the academic totem pole, and now, with all of her extracurriculars, she'd be moving faster and to new heights. She made time for other important tasks, not having much of it for boys or crushes.. that is until she heard about the new boy from Cali.

Rumors were already spreading, and he hasn't even been seen on campus anywhere yet. Just a few greetings on account to the popular girls at school, including her friend - and co-captain of the cheer squad- Nova James.

Still, though, to the intelligent Latina, it was all up to interpretation.. until she saw him strutting in with his denim on denim ensemble. His dirty blonde mullet perfectly quafted, and his ocean blue gaze stared down anyone, whether intentional or not. Her Hersheys chocolate gaze heavied one every perfect aspect he had to offer. His chilled chin was probably a dream to lovingly scratch, his very well-shaped hair, his piercing blue eyes that made her fold into herself, and his beautiful smile. He was all perfect.. too perfect.. which is why she wasn't surprised he turned out to be a complete asshole.

When they first crossed paths, he didn't even acknowledge her, the Cali boy bumping into her and only rolling his eyes in annoyance before brushing her off to the side. That when she knew he was a jerk, even if he was the most beautiful boy she's ever seen.

Later that day, she'd see him a few more times. He was notably in her calculus honors class, looking as confused as one who wasn't ready for this level of comprehension. Out of the corner of her wide eyes, Isabela could Billy trying to get someone's attention... and then he turns to her. He turns to her, whispering, "Hey,"s and "Excuse me,"s until he decides to get her attention by force.

The next thing the fresh-faced senorita knows is she's being hit on the side of the head with a balled up piece of notebook paper. She didn't believe it at first, still trying to process it right as he threw another. The second ball of paper clung to her hair as she turned around to face him, an annoyed expression on her face as she met his eyes.

As "taboo" as Isabela was to Billy, he had to admit that she wasn't half bad looking. In fact, she looked veey sweet with her pouting lip. Her eyes were so full and bright even theough her glasses, like a deer. He found it cute when she very clearly was getting nervous just by the look of him. He knew he could have that effect on people.

Billy smiled with teeth, his eyes setting on her filled out worksheet to note that she one hundred percent knew what she was doing. All of the questions filled out precisely by the slightly timid hispanic. A smart girl too? He knew it's be fun to make her lose her cool.

"What?" Isabela would whisper in annoyance, already wanting this interaction to be over. Of course, quite the opposite happened, Billy dragging on his words as if he was spelling it out for her. top!

"You mind helping me with this assignment? I'm a little lost," He asked, all with a toothy smile. Isa dead panned for a moment, letting herself express a bit of her annoyance with an eyebrow before turning to her own worksheet.

"Clearly," She muttered under her breath before handing him her notes. He looked over them and then stashed them in his notebook on the other side of her desk.

"The hell are you doing??"

"I'm gonna need this if I plan on passing any assignments for this week," Isabela huffed at his snark response as she tried to snatch his folder. Swiftly he moved his things, and her worksheet, away from her grasp.

"Give it back!" She whispered with an annoyed twitch with her upper lip. She even tried to grab at it, Billy quickly gripping her wrist only to throw her hand back in her direction.

"I don't hear that magic word, sweetness," With an eye roll and the crossing of her arms, Isa let it go, hoping she can get it back at least at the end of the day.

...

It'd be like that for the rest of the school year. Isa would be minding her business (and admiring Billy from afar) and the asshole in question would tease her and steal her work if he managed to get his hands on it. As annoying as it was it never got violent.. and it was pretty tame.. until one day.

Isa couldn't shake the feeling of so many eyes on her. She was able to hold her head high, but it felt near impossible today. When she did catch a few guys staring and snickering, she realized it was at her.. was there something on her face? In her hair..? What was their deal??

The hispanic scholar would soon find that out when she was approached by Tommy Hagan. The freckle covered guy was snickering as he walked over, crossing his sweater clad arms as he leaned against the locker beside hers.

"Wheeler, when were you gonna let me in on your dirty little secret..?" He jibed mischievously as Isa attempted to ignore him while retrieving her materials for her next class.

"What are you on about, Hagan..?" She turned to face him, her eyes rolling in response to his snarky grin. He casually shrugged his arms, not-so-subtly cornering her against the metal lockers while simultaneously spilling all of beans to her.

"Well, it seems that a hefty amount of my friends know what's under that pretty skirt of yours.. and I was wondering if I could get in on th-" Before Tommy could even finish his sentence, he was met with a hard slap against his face. It even has him stepping back a bit, giving Isabela ample time to hastily walk away from that conversation.

She knew for a fact he was spouting bullshit.. but it was strange that he had the balls to tell her, so who told him that? Who would even believe it? Whoever it was, she couldn't take for another second someone trying to shit on her perfect reputation and perception of who she really was.

By 6th period, things had only gotten worse, the overwhelmed Isabela finding herself hiding behind the abandoned bleachers that clung to the outskirts of the outdoor basketball court. She was calming herself down, attempting to get lost in one of her favorite Shakespeare fables, wondering if she'd ever find something as tantalizing as this culture phenomenon wrote about instead of having to deal with the likes of these jerks in this podink town..

One of her dainty, delicate hands wiped the tears developing in her eyes from the thought of all the mean and assuming words that were thrown her way today. Isa continued to keep her focus on the pages until she heard a snap of a twig.

The snap was caused by none other than the pretty boy she's been trying steadily to avoid, one of his calloused hands running through dirty blonde curls as the other flicked at his lighter to light the cigarette between his full lips.

She thought quickly.. too quick. She practically scattered as she jumped off the bleachers only to hide behind them on the other side as the rest of possey appeared beside him. The hung out beside on her side, too close to wear she kept herself as hidden as she could.

Their conversation went about as the latina thought it would, overhearing the socialites go on and on about on about their usual. Having or crashing parties, stealing booze from their parents' liquor cabinets, unprotected sex in the most obscene of places.. and girls.. but not just any girls. It was hurt they were joking about..

"Man, Isabela is so damn up tight," Tommy starts with a heavy huff. The side of his face was stilly slightly red from the hearty slap the latina previously gave him.

"The prude acts like she has a stick up her ass every time a guy walks up to her," He jibed, earning a soft giggle from Carol as they both relaxed against the brick wall.

"Only because she's never had dick in her life," She deduced, taking another hit of her tobacco stick.

"Yeah.. because she's boring," Billy finally snorts while crossing his denim covered arms. They both look at him with curious eyes, confused about his knowledge of the mouse that was way closer than they thought she was.

"I dont know about you, but I'm not getting a hardon for someone who's probably going to end up with cats because she doesn't know how to open her legs, "

The other takes, Isa's heard before. They were superficial and petty, especially coming from the two infamous idiots who's never worked for anything. But from Billy? Like an idiot, she thought he'd be above this, but his words hit right on her already racing heart.

"Good point," Tommy nodded, stomping out how own cig as Billy started.

"That's why I spread that rumor about her. Was trying to do her a favor. Maybe she'll actually get laid and get her first taste of dick.." The blonde said matter-of-factly as if she should be thanking him.

"Seems Billy has a soft spot for the prude," Carol would scoff teasingly, her face practically egging him on to prove her wrong. Billy, of course, denies her accusation.

"Nah. You won't ever see me going out with that bitch.."

All of those words.. those mean hurtful words. As much as she promised herself not to let it hurt her, Isa couldn't stop the constant stream of tears going down her cheeks. She tried to remain quiet, but a soft sniff of a breath gave her away.

"Who's there??" The alpha of the pack of wolves called out, his sharp blues finding sorrowful wide does eyes as Isa revealed herself to the group. They all sighed, embarrassed that she just happened to be there to listen to the conversation about her. With the tears still running down her glowing cheeks, they felt a little guilty. Not Billy, though. All Billy could think about was how pretty she looked when she cried. All sweet and innocent, even if they're hope was crushed.

"..you spread those rumors about me..?"

"C'mon, Wheeler- it was a j-"

"You're the reason why guys are following me??? Why everyone is calling me a slut, and how I simplemente no puedo guardarlo en mis pantalones cuando tÚ ERES EL VERDADERO PERRO,"

It was silent for a few seconds after that, the wind the only thing between them before Billy broke the airy stillness with a chuckle.

"You're just upset that I wouldn't waste my time on someone like you.. but," He lazily takes a heavy step forward in her direction.

"If you keep that up..." The way his eyes relaxed gave Isa pause, and then she could feel her body tense as he invaded her space. "..I might throw you a bone,"

Right then and there, she completely tensed, her hand swinging open palm to connect with his face for a hard slap. Neither of them had time to register it as the left side of Billy's face stung.

"You don't know what I could do for you," Isa's voice shook in a shaky whisper, stepping ever closer towards her bully.

"You thinking thay one would get a leg up just by being with you, when you can't even fathom how lucky you'd be to have me. To be with me..." Her sharp eyes stayed on Billy as he scoffed and kept his head held high, obviously not expecting the slightly menacing utterance of her words. For some reason, it was hard to keep a steady eye contact.. The braniac then tilted her head as her brows furrowed.

"..maybe, you wouldn't be so insecure.." was the last thing she said before she turned around and grabbed her things. Billy sucked his teeth, not even realizing that his nails were digging into his own palms.

He watched as everyone around him brushed it off as her being sensitive.. but he knew she was right. And that was something he hated about her. She was always. Fucking. Right.

...

Every other day after, Billy couldn't ignore the heavy weight in his chest. Best believe he tried, using all the usual tricks he had up his denim sleeve. But no matter how much drugs, girls, and bench pressing he did, he knew what he had to do to really get over.

Suddenly, after the usual attempt to mind melt at one of Tommy's parties, he found himself at the Wheeler residence. It was nicer than he anticipated, turning off the loud engine so as not to disturb anyone else.

Isabela was half asleep, cuddling her pillow in nothing but a tank top, mint colored undies, and sunflower socks she had recently bought from the mini market. So, when she heard -and soon saw- rocks being thrown at her window..

Begrudgingly, she got up, her footsteps as light as a feather. Billy annoyingly felt his body slightly perk uo at the sound of the front door unlocking, only to see Isa all tuckered out and peering up at him.

"Good, I got your attention.." He jibed, his hands stuffed in his jean pockets as his sharp blues took her in. Usually, Billy excelled at eye contact.. but this time around, his eyes roamed a lot more than he meant for them to.

Her curls were all messy, her nipples were poking out of her baby tee, and her bottom lip was pouted out. Fuck. Out of all the times to feel something for this girl, this was the worst time.

"What do you want, Hargrove?" She huffed, watching as he slightly awkwardly straightened up.

"I just wanted to.. uh.." He began to trail off, his eyes drifting down to her legs. Billy then only realized how he's never seen them before. They've been hidden by all the loose jeans and maxi skirts she'd wear.

He didn't expect them to be so.. toned. Every smooth curve was built with muscle even though she was known to be light on her feet. Not to mention her huge thighs.

"Yea- okay.." She rolled her eyes, going to close the door in his face only for Billy to swiftly propped his arm up against the hatch.

"I came here to... apologize" There was a long pause after that, the latina blinking a couple of times before parting her lips.

"Well, you're very bad at it," He scoffed, annoyed at her snarky remarks she'd conjure up from every word he spoke.

"Yeah, I've gathered that," He'd pause, letting the air between them fill the silence for a bit as he thought about what to say.

"You didn't deserve what I put you through. It wasn't right, and—" and as he continued to practally ramble, Billy became all the more aware of being under her scrutiny. He could feel her big brown, fatigued eyes studying his every word before her whole demeanor relax.

This.. this whole situation was weird. Why the hell did he feel like this? No girl has ever made him think twice about the words that would flawlessly flow from his kissable lips. And out of all the girls at Hawkins, it was some measly little book worm that had him fumbling.

Isa wasn't doing good either. She was starting to believe him, her mind running through his emotions as he spoke. Billy seemed sincere, but Latina refused to expose her sympathy. Her expression stayed neutral.

By the end of it, the silence between them returned and thickened, Billy cleared his throat before he crossed his strong arms.

"..As much as your apology is appreciated, I don't accept it..." She softly spoke, grabbing the edge of the hatch. As he tried to protest, he was met with a door being shut in his face.

♡♥︎♡...♥︎♡♥︎

[sketchbonked]

forgive my incoherence but i NEED TO DISCUSS arcane and specifically a storytelling device that i think is really interesting (SPOILERS AHEAD!!)

the device i’m talking about is specifically the bridge between the two cities and how it demonstrates both the divide between them and the divide (and unity) between the main relationships of the cast. in this essay i will dissect pretty much every single scene that takes place on the bridge and their implications for the story that we've come to know and love.

The very first scene of arcane is actually on the bridge, specifically right after the enforcer attack where vi and jinx’s parents were killed (images from capthat attached below).

This serves to set up one of the main conflicts of the series, in which the people of Zaun and Piltover constantly clash over the subject of Zaun’s freedom, with Zaun usually being brutally overpowered due to their lack of resources.

However, this scene also sets up a very important aspect of the relationship between Vi and Powder. In the scene shown above, Vi and Powder are walking through the aftermath of the battle. There are bodies everywhere and the corpses of their parents are clearly visible. Powder, probably at Vi’s instruction, is covering her eyes, presumably so that she doesn’t see the corpses to protect her from the trauma. Vi, however, leading her sister to safety through the rubble, has her eyes wide open and sees everything. This illustrates a major aspect of the dynamic between the two sisters. Vi will always try to protect Powder, but ultimately can’t do anything to stop her little sister from seeing the horror around them in the end. Toward the end of the scene, Vander scoops them both up and carries them to safety, much like how in Season 2, the rift between them is patched when they find Vander again (even if he’s now Warwick and not the same father they once knew).

The important thing to note in all of this is that it takes place ON THE BRIDGE. We as the audience understand the tone and significance of this structure immediately. We understand that Vi and Powder have suffered and will suffer at the hands of Piltover. and the cycle of violence. The opening scene on the bridge sets the stage for basically the entire series to take place, and several more pivotal scenes happen here.

For example, this scene between Vi and Vander in the following episode is incredibly important for Vi's character. Vander takes her here after the enforcers raid The Last Drop. When she asks why they're there, he responds with, "You still don't understand." "What i don't understand is how you can work with them. We were here. We saw what they did." She says to Vander, "I grew up knowing that I'm less than them, that my place is down here. I want Powder to have more than that, and I'm willing to fight for it."

There's a lot to pick apart here, but one of the most important things to come from this scene is Vi's statement that she wants the best for Powder and is willing to fight for it. Vi is, at her core, a fighter. It's what she's famous for. It's one of her first scenes in the second act of both seasons. But a vital part of understanding Vi is understanding why she fights. She fights to protect the people she loves. Her devotion to those she cares about is strong enough for her to put herself in harm's way for their sakes. We see this when she goes to rescue Vander, when she fights Sevika to find Jinx, and countless times throughout the rest of the series until the very last episode, when her last scene with both Jinx and Vander shows how scared she is to let both of them go.

We can't ignore the foreshadowing here, either. Vi expresses her anger at the fact that Vander is working with the enforcers to keep the undercity safe, saying that she doesn't understand how he can cooperate with them after all the hurt they've caused. The tragic irony of her words comes to fruition in season two, around seven years after this scene.

Vi becomes an enforcer upon Caitlyn's request, believing that she'll truly be able to help the undercity from the threat of violence that they face if she's able to bring in Jinx. Obviously, Vi expresses her unease about this to Caitlyn, but ultimately it is her decision to do it for the 'greater good'. As the fans, we're angry at this decision, just like Vi was angry at Vander. Ultimately, the scene she has with Vander on the bridge shows how she really does turn out like him. In Silco's own words, killing is a cycle that started long before him and Vander, and one that will continue long after the two sisters are gone. We see this evidenced in how Vi falls into the exact same archetype that Vander does--the blindly loyal, if somewhat misled, knight--and compromises her own beliefs and values to protect those she cares about.

After Episode 2, we don't get any more bridge scenes until Episode 7, after Jayce orders the blockade on the bridge and Viktor comes back from visiting Singed about their 'quandary'. This is the first scene between them where we see how entering the political sphere has affected Jayce's own mentality.

One of his lines in this scene is "Do you have any idea how this looks? I order a blockade and my own partner violates it?" Not only is this one of their only arguments in Season 1, but it also is the first example that we can see of how the divide between Jayce and Viktor is growing. Jayce cares more about his public image now than he did before, and this is the first time we see him actively exercising any kind of power over Viktor. Jayce replies to Viktor's explanation for his visit to Zaun with, "Well, you didn't say they were from the undercity!" Viktor gives him one of the nastiest side eyes I've ever witnessed in animated television and says, "What difference does that make?" His tone is quiet but apprehensive, like he knows exactly what Jayce is about to say. "They're dangerous!" Jayce exclaims.

Viktor reminds Jayce with no small amount of bitterness that he is from the undercity. Jayce is taken aback by this and immediately apologizes, but Viktor smacks his hand away. To me, this scene amplifies everything that drove the two partners apart. (For the purpose of this essay we're only focusing on what the writers explicitly want us to think, even though I do believe that they're married with four kids.) Jayce is the golden boy of Piltover. Even if he comes from humble beginnings, he's still the one raised on pedestals and dubbed the Man of Progress. Viktor, on the other hand, is constantly underestimated by everyone around him. People expect Jayce to do great things but don't understand that he and Viktor rely on each other for all the progress that they make as partners. Their different backgrounds didn't matter as much when they first met, because Piltover and Zaun were largely at a tentative sort of peace.

However, as the turmoil between the two cities grows, so does the turbulence of their relationship. It's only in the season finale when Jayce first speaks up for the independence of Zaun and introduces Viktor as his partner and his equal to the Council. The scene is one of his shining moments in the series, an instance where he shows how deeply he values Viktor's opinion. It's also the moment where he resigns from the Council, where he rejects the greatness that was thrust upon him in favor of doing real good with Viktor by his side. Jayce is a scientist, a scholar, a blacksmith. He was never made to be a politician.

By the time Season 2 rolls around and Viktor becomes the Herald, their paths have diverged once again from that single moment of unity. The story that Act 2 of Season 1 tells is how Jayce and Viktor are sent on two different roads--Jayce to politics and Viktor to an early death. Season 1's finale shows how, for an instant, Jayce and Viktor are once again united as partners with the common goal of restoring peace and helping both cities as a union.

This also reflects the current situation of the two different cities: Zaun and Piltover are on the brink of war, yet a peace negotiation between Jayce and Silco attempts to stave off this catastrophe. However, much like how martial law erupts between Piltover and Zaun, Jayce and Viktor are separated in Season 2 because their paths are now different. Jayce wants to return to science and his old life with Viktor, but Viktor's vision of the glorious ovulation leads him away from Jayce, away from what makes him human. In the show's finale, we see Jayce and Viktor reconcile, and in a similar fashion we see movement toward peace and independence for Zaun after their deaths transportation to a lovely cottage in the woods where they have four beautiful adopted children. To make a long story short, the fallout of their partnership directly mirrors the political tensions between their respective cities, and their reconciliation represents the slow healing that both nations will have to undergo.

We're still not done, by the way, because in that very same episode we see the infamous bridge scene between Jinx and Ekko.

I could go on and on about how this is the first Caitvi hug or the moment where Jinx completely loses her faith in Vi's loyalty to the undercity, which shows again how Vi is leaning more into Vander's stoic role while Jinx is leaning more toward Silco's aggressive pursuit of independence, but for the sake of giving your eyes a break I'll leave it at that.

And of course I have to mention the fact that Jinx blows up all the Enforcers on the bridge with her butterfly bombs. This scene is absolutely insane because this is really where everything begins to escalate.

The six enforcers that Jinx killed in the earlier episodes obviously didn't help relations between the two nations, but Marcus and Silco's bargain kept war from happening. But once Jinx murders the Enforcers and Marcus along with them, it's considered an act of war, and she doesn't stop once to consider the implications. To me, this entire span of like five minutes is when Jinx officially goes off the rails. She feels betrayed by Vi, abandoned by her sister, and uncertain about her own usefulness to Silco. However, the way in which she lashes out has disastrous consequences for the diplomatic relations of the two nations. People in both the undercity and topside suffer because she does this. As I said before, the bombing on the bridge is a declaration of war, one that even Jayce and Silco can't broker a peace for.

Furthermore, this scene is part of what convinces Caitlyn that Jinx is a monster, and it shakes Vi to her core once she sees what her innocent Powder is capable of. She doesn't love her sister any less for it, but it makes her afraid. Jinx attacking both of them also starts what is possibly the most significant bridge symbolism that we see in the entire show: Jinx and Ekko's dance fight.

I don't have to explain what this fight means, but I'm gonna do it anyway because I love their story so much. This moment shows how much Jinx has changed from the girl that Ekko knew. They've both changed, really. Ekko isn't the little kid that trailed after everyone anymore. He's the leader of the Firelights, a fierce fighter, and he's burdened by the need to defend the undercity from both the Council and the chembarons alike. Similarly, Jinx has left Powder far behind her. She's ruthless, but still fragile to even a glimpse of pink hair. They're both Zaunites, but they represent such different parts of their nation. Ekko is the Boy Savior. People view Jinx as nothing more than a loose cannon until she launches a nuke at the Council.

This scene is fucking insane by the way. The regret in his eyes when he sees how scared she is. Because he doesn't want to do this to her. Because he still loves and cares for her even after everything that's happened to them. We as the audience understand exactly what Ekko's thinking. It shouldn't be this way. They were friends. They shouldn't be trying to hurt each other, but that's what war does. Ekko knows that if he gives her a window, he's opening the door to the suffering of countless other people, but he can't bring himself to do what he has to.

Going out of chronological order for a sec, I do want to bring up the parallel to this in Season 2 Episode 7 because it's just so good.

In the alternate universe where Zaun is independent, Ekko stands in the exact same place where he saw Jinx's limp body surrounded by the corpses of the enforcers that she'd killed. Compared to the other universe, where Powder's living happily and both nations are prosperous, it's night and day, especially for Ekko who's seen firsthand how the struggle for power has affected the ordinary people of Zaun. Here, he sees children running and playing where civilians and rebels alike had been killed years prior. For Ekko, it's a total wake-up call. Later, at the rooftop with Powder, he confesses that he once gave up on the Undercity, that he once gave up on her. Powder replies by saying that she's never seen him give up on anything.

I find that scene so beautiful not because they kiss, but because Ekko truly had the chance to have everything he'd wanted, but he didn't take it. Instead, he goes back to his own dimension, to his own nation. The first thing he does when he gets back is talking Jinx off a ledge, and a day later he's in a battle fighting Noxian soldiers and soloing a god to defend his city. Ekko is loyal to the people he loves. He doesn't want a life with anyone if it can't be with Jinx. It's what makes TimeBomb so beautiful, because they both always love each other, even if it doesn't end well.

On the subject of the bridge fight, we see the aftermath of it in Episode 8 of Season 1 when Silco comes to Jinx's rescue. He has the chance to go after Vi here. She's right there, watching him, unsure of what he'll do. We expect him to go after her, or at least to send one of his men after her.

Instead, he looks away and carries Jinx to safety. Vi is an active threat to him and the empire he's built, but he prioritizes his daughter over his legacy, over the nation of Zaun. I really wasn't surprised in the slightest when he refuses Jayce's offer. He would never have given her to them. Not for anything. And the evidence is right there in this scene. His actions here aren't motivated by pride or hunger like his other moments are--he ignores Vi and carries Jinx away out of love for his daughter.

Technically this scene doesn't actually take place ON the bridge, but I'm counting it because it's directly under it. Ekko and Heimerdinger meeting for the first time is an interesting scene because it's the first interaction that Heimerdinger has with an actual citizen of Zaun. Viktor counts, but he hasn't lived in Zaun for several years. Ekko is the first person he meets who's actively experienced the oppression of the chembarons and the Council from both ends, and Heimerdinger is one of the few topsiders that Ekko actually trusts throughout the course of Season 2. They form a mentor-student relationship, though if you ask me I think that Heimerdinger learns more from Ekko. Their friendship shows that peace between the two cities isn't impossible. It's a beacon of hope in the dark times that follow the end of Season 1. Coincidentally, it's also the last bridge scene that we get in Season 1, and we don't get another one for a super long time--in fact, it's a full season that passes before we get another moment, but it's a pivotal one.

Episode 8 of Season 2 is Piltover and Zaun mobilizing for war with Noxus, preparing for the worst. Jayce calls for aid from the undercity, and at first it seems like a helpless fight. We follow Gert (the blue-haired Jinxer who dies in the first moments of Episode 9) for a few scenes, and eventually a few of the Zaunites end up here.

Steb and the enforcers are waiting for them, and once they cross, they greet them silently. That might just be because Steb doesn't talk, but their silence amplifies the power of this scene. Not a single word is spoken, but we as the audience understand the weight of what's happening. Zaun has spent the entire series actively being preyed upon by Piltover, but the first step toward reconciliation is made by the oppressed nation itself. When this group of volunteers steps onto the bridge, it's a peace offering, an acknowledgement that even if the two cities are meant to be two separate nations, they are meant to be allies, partners, sisters. It's a powerful scene. All the bloodshed that happened on both sides is faded here in a demonstration of unity, even if Zaun is still the one who will pay for it. As the audience, we expect there to be an ending with a total 50/50: Zaun and Piltover being treated as equals with Zaun gaining the respect it deserves. However, just like in real life and war, Zaun's ending isn't fully satisfying. They make steps toward independence, like with Sevika's position on the Council, but how much does their standing really improve?

The final scene on the bridge is similar to its first appearance: both occur after a heavy loss. The first scene has dead bodies littering the ground, Zaunites killed at the hands of the enforcers. In its final scene, Zaunites and topsiders alike stand together on the bridge, lighting slips of paper to mourn their loved ones who died in the battle against Noxus.

This really just brings everything full circle to me. The message of almost every scene on this bridge is simple: even with all of the losses we experience, there is always hope that we can heal. Arcane's themes of hope, war, and love conquering all are part of what make it such a masterpiece. Sure, the bridge is a concrete structure that connects two separated cities, but it's both literal and figurative. It represents healing and pain at the same time, the duality of life that the show captures so beautifully.

Anyway shoutout to the bridge for carrying Arcane. (Also, all the images are from capthat.com)