#clearly doesn't have positive relations with them though so it's still sad

[onesidedradiostatic]

I constantly think about how charlie only met vaggie 3 years prior to the series, lilith was gone for 7, lucifer had been distant from her for god knows how long, so. she really spent 4 years having no one huh? that's kind of just. really sad. finding vaggie and sheltering her was probably the most constant company she had in a WHILE

I think about how much implied DECADES of history and interconnections there are between the villains that we can explore dynamics set in the past, and then I think about charlie's lack of that and then I get sad. a good chunk of the main cast are characters she only recently met and most of hell's residents don't even respect her so it's hard to imagine who she really HAD before vaggie

[nica-my-beloved]

This is just my impression so far on the MCs of Ikemen Series. I have seen posts about Ikemen MC not having enough spite, dumb, damsel and distress etc etc....and to some point I do agree with it. Even I made a post about MCs being overly positive. But at the same time I feel like this is done on purpose from the writers' part.

Let's just say it, the MCs are not really that relatable even though they try to make it look like that. MCs in these games are very kind-hearted for no reason, overly positive and lack basic common sense. For example, take this scene from Harry's story event:

Harry did mention to her before this that he can detect if a person is lying or not when he makes eye-contact. In the scene mentioned above, a person with common sense can easily tell that Harry lost on purpose. But for some reason Kate thought he lost because she was able deceived him. It is only later that Harry told her and Kate looked genuinely surprised. I don't think Kate is dumb. But I feel like the writers think we players are not that smart enough to distinguish between Harry's lies and truth. It makes me laugh some times.

I just honestly feel like MCs are portrayed this way so that we players could understand the game and its characters better. Like Paimon from genshin, who repeats everything in baby terms so that we could understand what we have to do (even if her screechy noise is annoying). MCs here are played by us, so when male characters has a plan that they don't reveal, MCs try to find out what their plan is so that we could understand. That's it. MCs are here just simplify the story to make us understand the character's better. They'll only ask the male characters what's needed to know right now and not anything extra. If it where a realistic MCs, she would ask more logical questions like:

Is Victor also cursed?

If Crown consists of only 'cursed' people and Victor went around to search these people, are there any 'cursed' people out there who rejected his request?

More questions on their abilities like: Can Harry still detect lies if someone closes their eye? Can Elbert trigger sad memories if a person doesn't have a sad memory? etc etc...

But we don't see Kate asking these questions.

I feel like the reason why we feel sometimes frustrated when MCs act in a certain way is because these MCs are not at all realistic. I'll never believe that someone with common sense did not try to run away after watching a murder happen. I'll never believe that someone with common sense falling into easy traps. Like this one scene from Silvio's story where, Silvio's daddy visits Rhodolite because his lost son is found and he also wants to know if Rhodolite King is dead blah blah blah...you guys know that story (I assume). Emma has to choose the next King without Silvio's dad knowing and they wait for Sariel's call. A servant comes to Emma's room to call both her and Rio. This servant itself is sus because Emma clearly states that she hasn't seen that servant before. When I read this, I immediately knew it was red flag. But even so, Emma and Rio ignores the red flag and goes with the servant and what do you know? They get kidnapped. The scene was very predictable. But it's so frustrating because, realistically speaking I think normal people would feel a little bit suspicious about the person given the situation. Maybe even question the servant. That's why I'm saying...I do feel MCs are not realistic enough. I don't think anyone is overly-kindhearted to the point that they would accept insults from the male leads and be like "I'm going to prove myself to you!". Normal people would just be like "fuck off!" and won't listen to their insults. No one is so dumb it fall into easy traps and no normal person is like "I will work hard to get to know them better." Majority of the people are way smarter and way selfish (not in a bad way though!). Many people have attitude, not everyone are kind to strangers. That's why MCs are not realistic, so there is no use in comparing MC to your personality or your intelligence. They are just tools for explaining the story in a simplified way and moving the plot forward. Because like I said, if Emma and Rio didn't go with the servant and get kidnapped, Silvio's story wouldn't move forward.

That's all. This no hate, this is just how I felt after reading quite amount of stories both in-game and on tumblr. MC's don't have much background because the writers don't really put too much thought about their personality. MCs are basically last on their lists. They just make sure that she's an adult, working woman (doing some odd jobs like a flowershop lady or something, because I've never seen a CEO MC), and they are very kind for some reason. They don't have family (except for Emma), they don't have a story, they don't have anything that impacts their personality. At least it would have been nice to see why a MC is so kind-hearted would be nice. But otome games' main selling points are the male leads. The male leads falls for MC's purity in their dark world.

[mellon1998]

On the subject of Kipperlilly Copperkettle...

It's okay if you like her, it's okay if you want her to be redeemed. It's okay to wish she had been revived and redeemed and grown as a character. Some of you may relate to her, may know people who were once like her, and it can be daunting to see yourself in a character and see them not get the chance to grow. After all, you got that chance, people you know like her got that chance. We all look back on parts of ourselves we've moved past (maybe even are still working on) and are glad to be past them. We're glad people loved us through those parts of ourselves.

I need you all to understand something though: You chose to change. People like Kipperlilly cannot grow or change until they choose to. Kipperlilly doesn't want to change, she does not recognize the flaws in herself. She may be aware of her anger issues, but she doesn't see her want for power as wrong. She doesn't see her desire for recognition she didn't earn as wrong. She doesn't see the issues of romanticizing trauma and hating people you don't even know and who have done nothing to you. She doesn't see a need to change her ways. Unless and until she does she will not change, no matter what anyone else may do or say.

More than anything, we see this in the fact that she chose Porter. We don't know the series of events that took place, but Brennan made it very clear that she chose him of her own freewill. She chose his side, she chose to force her decision on her party, she chose to kill Lucy and Buddy, she chose to end the world to gain power. She chose to end the world to get revenge on people who, at that point, had never even spoken to her. Up until the final fight, the worst thing they ever did to Kipperlilly was trade quips and call her four dogs.

The truly sad part? She probably never will. I've known many people like Kipperlilly who still, after years and years, refuse to recognize their own flaws. Refuse to seek help. They are given chance after chance, people choosing every single day to love them through their flaws, and they refuse to change.

Kipperlilly is addicted to power, we see this in so many ways. We see this in how she so very clearly tried her utmost to be the leader of the High 5 Heroes seemingly unprompted, as evidenced by 3 (maybe 4) of the other 5 not liking her. People don't tend to be chill about someone forcing their way into the position of leader. Especially in small groups. We see this in how she saw grinding would, at least in the early days, be more efficient for leveling than adventuring. She wanted the power, not the skills and experience. We see this in her bid for class president. She questioned if Kristen actually had any interest in improving the school, if Kristen cared. Did you care about the students or making the school better, Kipperlilly? We saw no evidence of that. The only things she wanted to do was make things better and easier specifically for herself.

It sucks. She is a kid, she isn't pure evil. Even in the world of dnd with devils and demons, nobody is pure evil. She could be more, she could grow as a person. She could use her eye for efficiency but learn to also take the necessity of practical application into account to help her party improve. She could use her abilities to hide and blend in to potentially do really good work to make the world better. She could have been more, but she didn't want to. It's unfortunate, but it's true. She didn't want to change.

Yes, she did go to therapy with Jawbone, but we don't know why. We know it was for anger issues, but we don't know that it was her choice to go. Her parents or the school could have forced her to. Even then, based on the notes, it doesn't sound like she was really interested in using therapy to help her grow as a person. She just used it to vent, which can be a part of therapy but it's not everything.

At the end of the day, she made her choices. None of which were to grow as a person.

[mc-critical]

E22 is certainly all about the deepest fears and suspicions of the characters related to belonging (or rather, NOT belonging) that accumulate through the whole episode (as it gets more and more likely for them to be fully realized), which in turn makes the jealousy and/or resentment within these characters grow.

Ibrahim starts off still ruminating on Beyhan's words from a previous event relayed to him through Hatice in the previous episode, so his fear is immediately established: the fear of his death coming forth regardless, and from the sultan's hands worst of all; of his place in SS's heart, in the family's hearts, ultimately always ending up shaky and temporary; of him being discarded and erased at a moment's notice; of him never actually meaning anything to anyone, thus he aims for the biggest sense of belonging out of everyone else here: SS is most valuable to him, of course, as this is his first bond in this foreign world, but that value and his approval also turn out predicated and empowered by the value and approval everyone else gives him too. As it all begins from the possibility of a future action of SS and his bad mood that could possibly mean anything in the next day, then it goes to Mustafa's opinion on Ibrahim's closeness to SS, and then it circles back to SS again as a reaction to Mustafa's reaction (hence the smallest recurring disapproval, as Mustafa's stance here is a continuation of Mustafa's remark in E03, means wide disapproval — this is why in Ibrahim's dream everyone is out there witnessing and almost delighting in his execution; even Hatice who is clearly sad, is portrayed with resignation, as if the execution is an inevitablity she has to accept and never go against - this is of course also informed by what Ibrahim has seen of Hatice so far, how she couldn't oppose SS's decision to marry her to Mehmet Celebi even though she loves Ibrahim and aches inside and always claims to not be able handle it if she loses him, so the only thing he can say and do is try to spare her the pain). Ibrahim has to fully belong in order not to be reminded of what he's lost before and what he can lose now, but his sense of belonging is so fragile that every little thing can create big, irreparable cracks, bringing him to realize that he never actually belonged anywhere and what's more striking, he has nowhere to belong now as he's lost everything. This is terrifying to him and he can't share it with anyone (not even Hatice could really provide him solace: she calmed him down a bit, sure, but she also related to Mustafa's motives - right on par with Hatice's theme of relating this episode - that perhaps meaning to Ibrahim that even she can't be reliable, that even she could turn her similar possessiveness against him, if she can muster to do even that), so he buries it deep - he is the only one who doesn't lash out due to his fear in this episode, but this sense of fear beginning with him colors the whole rest of the episode and remains an omen of what's to come next. It's this fear that will make him more offensive, more insistent to secure his position even more and remove everyone who stands on the way of that, even in this season finale.

Mustafa's fear is established by one event in this exact episode that puts him at odds with his brother more directly than ever before (there's a reason why this is their first lesson together): the fear of him not becoming a padişah; of him being replaced by someone else, and by someone else who he too loves worst of all; of his efforts not being recognized; of his father leaving him behind forever, not wanting him, not loving him anymore; of him not having the future he's been eager and preparing to have, what's his use if he doesn't have it?, in that case the only thing he can do is disappear, thus he aims for a narrower sense of belonging: he cares about the rest of his family, but his father's love matters to him most of all. He looks up to him and is inspired by him, trying his best to follow his example in order to be the best he can be. And he is constantly encouraged by everyone to be the best he can be, so when even the smallest threat to that come up, his whole self is challenged, so what's left is to lash out, to defend his beliefs and mindset, to make this fear known in order to evade it. He doesn't belong without his father's love that gives him all he craves. He can't belong if that isn't there. And his belonging predicates on him being prioritized at all times, as this isn't a place reserved only for him, it turns out; anyone can take it away. So Mehmet's assertion plants this fear, while Ibrahim's place next to SS confirms it (Mahidevran here, just like Hatice with Ibrahim, tried to comfort Mustafa by putting Mehmet's words into context as well to an extent, but Mustafa actually managed to ease up until the Ibrahim matter popped up), so Mustafa's reaction is precisely that kind of lashing out. The lashing out culminates the episode but there's some finality attached to it as well, as it is the last such clash Mustafa has with Ibrahim (with him realizing his mistake afterwards) - from that point on, they will fully be a source of support for one another. Even his jealousy of Mehmet that sets up the future becomes more restrained.

Gülşah's fear is established by a series of events in this exact episode, feeding into each other and fueling her at every turn: the fear of falling into disgrace alongside with her closest person, or on her own worst of all; of being scolded by both the person she loves and the person she hates; of being mocked and ridiculed; of being denied the agency to do anything about it, as everyone else overpowers her either by being above her or simply being the majority. Her fear seems the most driven out of self-preservation, not so much out of a desire to belong at first, however these two are interlinked for her as well. Her very survival is predicated by the most narrow sense of belonging: on her sultana, the only person who can give her any sense of belonging. Her job is being next to her, so she has to share her joys and sorrows, but she also gets her sense of respect and worth namely from that role, so she can't help but make these joys and sorrows her own. E22 is the first time this is challenged however, since we see her outside of her sultana for the first time, as even what she has to do due to her role as her servant (taking Mustafa from the lessons and defending him) and as a servant in general (bringing Mehmet to Hürrem), is challenged and that whole facade of respect from others due to her sultana is fully broken (even Nigar's threats and almost drowning Gülşah before are because of something Mahidevran's ordered and done, this here has next to nothing to do with Mahidevran) and then her own wishes to seek justice and accountability are uncovered, but the more her sultana seems to not join in, the more Gülşah loses every sense of belonging in each moment (the mockery of the girls of the harem is only there to accentuate that loss and reveal how alone she is) and the only thing she can do is desperately tie them to her sultana, to cling to her in order to convince herself of her righteousness, of how she hasn't lost her sense of belonging actually, isn't that right?? She has no choice: the disillusionment, the resentment only grow throughout the entire episode and she can't really share the full extent of her sorrow with anyone - even her sultana wants her to suck it and wait, but she's sick of waiting, of being humiliated, so she provides the final imminent lashing out of the episode, the one that sets up the future the most in terms of Gülşah's relationship with Mahidevran, as well as it sets up the main deal of the very next episode.

[nevereveraster]

also also also since you're such a crybaby about me saying you'd abuse your kids if you had them, let me gently word my point so i'm the pinnacle of femininity for you, okay?

if you were in a position of power over someone younger than you, who you had more rights than by definition, you would treat them horribly. you would VERBALLY ABUSE them. because that's what your immediate response is to a child outside of your echo chamber.

and i'm a he, sir. mister doesn't-know-a-goddamn-thing. you want me to respect what you are? you can do it to me first, sir.

Still verbally abusive, I see. Still grandiose, she's still convinced of her own superiority and utterly ignorant of how young she sounds. Worryingly, she also sounds as though she's developmentally delayed. Possibly autistic, possibly BPD, based on how she acts. This is the kind of tantrum a nine-year-old throws when they do not get a candy. She's pretty clearly got serious MH issues of some kind. She desperately needs to paint me as an evil child abuser, because she lives in a world of black and white thinking:

You see, she has unilaterally decided I am evil because I won't pay lip service to her delusions. Since with black-and-white thinking there can be no nuance and I can't be a complex multifaceted human, she needs a stand-in for evil. Because she is a child who acts younger than she is, the most relatable stand-in becomes a child abuser, as that is the most immediate and present "evil" threat to her in her life. Thus, the logic chain goes as: "Nevereveraster is evil because she won't agree with me. Child abusers are the biggest scary immediate evil I jump to, because I am a child. Thus, nevereveraster is a child abuser." It's a correlation fallacy, and a rather obvious one at that. I really do pity the girl, at sixteen she should be able to readily identify this sort of basic logical fallacy. Hell, at twelve she should have been able to. But that's a failing of both her parents and the school system. Her fixation on me being a child abuser is because she is stuck in "person bad, person must be threat to me, most immediate threat to me is child abuse, person is a child abuser." It's going to go badly for her when she makes a false accusation based on this faulty logic to someone IRL and gets slapped with a defamation lawsuit. It's... sad. She's gonna struggle in life with this kind of weak basic logical reasoning.

[genork-the-fandork]

Name

Word Count: 652

Prompt: "Kemonogami"

Featured Characters: Kaito Shinonome & Dracmon

A/N: I can't begin to trace how exactly I came up with this one. Frankly, I find Dracmon to be a really amusing partner, especially in relation to Kaito. Their interactions are some of my favorite, especially when Dracmon sasses the hell out of Kaito and our little blond boy knows he's right. So I figured... who better to have a conversation about what exactly the Kemonogami are than these two? There wasn't as much sass from Dracmon as I originally intended, but I tend toward the sappy and sentimental anyway. I hope that's alright, haha.

@surviveweek

Kaito had been giving Dracmon a staredown for longer than was probably healthy. Dracmon didn't seem to mind, at the very least, choosing instead to sit there grinning. The others thankfully didn't find the little clown-like creature creepy, though Kaito certainly had at first. Once it became clear Dracmon was going to help him find Miu, the feeling went away. It was funny how that worked. Arukenimon was just as creepy, if not more so, than Dracmon, but they inspired different reactions. Probably because one of them had outright tried to kill him.

"Dracmon," he finally said. "What even are you?"

In the first movement he'd made since they'd started their little staring contest, Dracmon tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, is there a name for creatures like you? And not Dracmon," Kaito said hurriedly, because he knew that Dracmon would probably try to state the obvious. "I mean for all of you. There's gotta be something you refer to yourselves as."

"Not really," his partner said with a shrug. "I mean, we all have different names, like Agumon or Falcomon. And there are other Agumons and Falcomons somewhere, I'm sure. I don't think anyone ever decided on a name for all of us. We're too divided for that, I guess."

That made Kaito frown. It seemed endlessly sad, to not have a term to unite them all. Maybe Arukenimon and Dracmon weren't on the same wavelength, but neither was Kaito on the same wavelength as the principal of his school. They were both still human! Although, if he were in Dracmon's position, he wasn't sure he wanted to be considered similar to Arukenimon. Especially since they clearly didn't agree on what to do about human children.

He tried something else. "So… have you ever heard the word 'Kemonogami'?"

"Kemono…gami?" Dracmon scratched his head with one of his nails. "Can't say I'm familiar with it."

"Huh. Apparently, that's the name we have for you. Sounds a little too fancy to me, though." Kaito rested his chin on his fist. He didn't have any better ideas, though. Kemonogami seemed to be the best word they had, not that it made any sense to someone like him. "Unless you have any better ideas?"

"I like 'partner.'" Dracmon was grinning again, though that seemed to be his default expression. He really only seemed to frown whenever Kaito was doing something particularly stupid. Which was a lot more often than he was willing to admit. "I know that doesn't apply to all of us, but at least when you refer to me, Kaito, I really like the idea of being your 'partner.'"

The candidness struck him, and Kaito laughed a little bit. He wasn't much of a hugger, but he almost wanted to hug Dracmon right on the spot. "I didn't know you were sappy, Dracmon."

"Eh, you bring it out in me," Dracmon teased, the grin on his face growing more genuine. "Someone has to keep you in check—who better than your Kemonogami partner?"

"Never say that again." Kaito let out a longer laugh this time. "That's such a mouthful!"

"Well so are your human names! Why aren't you Kaitomon or Miumon? Those are much better names!"

"I think you're biased."

"Maybe I am. But either way," Dracmon said, returning to his seriousness. "I'm gonna try my best to get you out of this, Kaito. Maybe I can survive in this world, but you won't do it on your own."

If there was any creature Kaito would have given the name "Kemonogami," it would be one like Dracmon. He and the other partner creatures deserved a fancy name. "Thanks, Dracmon. C'mon, we should go see if it's time for dinner yet."

"Ready when you are," Dracmon said. Kaito led the way back to the abandoned school building, but rather than following him, Dracmon was right at his side. Right where he belonged.

[star-crossed-juliet]

In Love and Loss

It was quite a long time before Juliet left Jason and Dane. Both of them clearly crashing a bit again. She'd made it clear that she was only leaving long enough to sort out food for them, whether they actually ended up eating it or not. But still, she made them a full meal and then decided to give them a bit of breathing room for the time being.

She made her way back down to the front of the shop, a full plate of food in her hands. Desmond wasn't sleeping, even despite the time of night. A common theme for the four of them that night, apparently. She passed him the food, which he took without arguing, though he only set it on his lap. Juliet sat down next to him on the steps, looking over at him briefly before turning her gaze up to the moon. "I don't blame you if you have no appetite. It's understandable."

He grunted a bit, rather than properly replying. Not a people person, from the memories of what she'd been told by Ivy and Thaddy. Though the bits she'd heard from him were few and far between. But he was the love of Thaddeus' life, and that meant that he meant something to Juliet too. "They told me that he threw you back through the portal," she added after a moment. "And that you've worked for Marcus." She noticed him wince. "And I can tell that's a bit of a grey area for you and them... but it isn't for me."

Desmond's brow furrowed as he took in the shifter. He knew well enough who she was, both from the bits he'd heard from Thaddeus, to her characteristic closeness with nearly every powerful warlock in Chicago, and having been on the arm of the pack's alpha--or, at least, the only alpha of note for an onlooker's sake. Juliet Pierce. He'd imagined her demeanor to be similar enough to how she was presenting herself now, but that statement still managed to take him aback. "Rather a lot of confidence to have in a stranger," he replied, his voice somewhat hoarse from tiredness and lack of use.

Juliet smiled at that, shrugging her shoulders. "I trust Ivy's judgement implicitly... after all, it's not like you could hide anything from her. And Thaddeus does love you, so that doesn't hurt your case either."

The comment about Ivy filled him with another wave of guilt. Because some part of him was convinced that this could have all been avoided if he'd been quicker, sought Ivy out the second he realized she wasn't in the shop when him and Thaddeus arrived. Poor kid might know a lot, but it didn't mean she knew what she was in for. Not truly. "She's a nice girl. Shocking that she was raised by Ophien," he half-joked, though the humor fell rather flat in the moment.

A bit of laughter from Juliet surprised the both of them. "He's more of a softie than we all give him credit for. But yes, she's a good kid."

Silence fell again, that choking reality settling upon them. And it hurt. Desperately.

"You know you can head home to get a bit of rest if you want to," Juliet said eventually. "I'll be happy to stand guard."

Des considered the idea, sighing slightly. "In a bit, maybe. I just..."

"I know... you don't want to miss any updates."

Another beat of silence. "You really love them, don't you?"

She looked up at him, examining the sad-eyed warlock before she nodded. "With all my heart. They're my family. And I've never been the type to consider that to be blood relations only." Juliet reached over to place her hand on top of Desmond's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You are too. And I fight tooth and nail for my family... We'll get them back."

Her words were a tonic as much as a worry, but he tried to take it for a positive for once. For now, at least. He returned the squeeze of her hand. "Thank you, Juliet."

She offered him a warm smile. "No need to thank me, Desmond."

And then their focus shifted back to the idle noise of the night streets, with watchful eyes intent on protecting the last of them left.

[xtrablak674]

If We Share a Relation We're Related

My moms was hard-core in her thoughts about family, and this was her position, I am not sure if her philosophies would have changed if she was still with us, but these values are at the core of who I am and how I teach her grandchildren.

She didn't believe in pre-fixes my brothers were my brothers, full stop. Not half, not step, not foster, they were my brothers. #period Expanding on these positions if my siblings had other siblings by their other parent she would look out for all of the children. Meaning if she got something for one child she would get for them for all.

My late youngest brother has six children, those kids have an older sister that wasn't his, but when I visited with the children I would see seven children. Following my moms philosophies, if I got something for the six than I got the same for the seventh child. How crazy would I look treating one child different because the law doesn't clearly define our relationship? As far as I am concerned she is my niece and I treat her as such.

The father of my former favorite nephew was mad at me because this nephew wanted to come visit with me for a week and wanted to bring his brother along with him. Per my previous statements I was totally down for all this, as far as I was concerned the more nephews the more fun!

My former sibling attempted to forbid me from this action, like I am not a grown ass adult who pays for all of my own bill. Last I checked, I never came out of his nut sack so he had no sway over what I do or whom I invite to my home.

Anyhow this was a point of animosity and he was particularly pissed when I shared photos of the children's trip. "That other boy ain't no kin to me, I don't want to see photos of him." Well I made it clear he will either see photos of everyone or no photos at all, because I wasn't cherry-picking photos based on his distorted perceptions of who is and isn't family.

It was sad to me because this wasn't how we were raised, I wonder who had distorted his ideas of family and it was curious that I the pariah of the family had a better understanding of what family was and wasn't. If we share a relation than you're related to me. So my nephew's sister and brother were my niece and nephew and they could call me Uncle Trevor just like he does. Even though his younger sibling only visited with me for that one week they still call me Uncle Trevor and feel comfortable enough to be asking me to borrow money, which I constantly deny.

This all takes me to the conversation with the niece who will probably send me to my grave, the Florida-based one with the dead-weight boyfriend of nearly a decade. She's telling me how she's caring for her beau's daughter who stays with them every other weekend. She's talked about how the child has malnutrition, cavities and is addicted to coffee.

From my perspective all I see is red-flags, the trifling father of this child has never made my niece an honest woman, but expects her to care for his child emotionally and provide for her as if she was her own. I called bullshit and told her as much. I told her this child is clearly under some kind of ACS and once this neglect is discovered all the courts will care about is pointing fingers at the adults around the child. If she has no clear relation to the child it would be best for her to defer all decisions to the father and stay in her childless lane.

She went on to tell me she feels like a camp counselor to the child and that her roll has never been clearly defined for herself or the child. All of this is extremely problematic to me. I told her she is a parental figure, because if the child is ten and she's been with her dad eight years, she is all the child has known outside of her moms. I told her she has done herself a disservice to allow herself to be put in this undefined relationship purgatory.

One of the first thing I do with any kids I am interacting with is be clear about what our relationship is and what will and will not be tolerated within that relationship. I told her this is a theme of her life, continuing to exist within mediocre or sub-standard situations because they are familiar or comfortable. She is clearly a maternal or aunt-figure to this child and the dad is a fool for not making this clearer to both of them.

Both child and father share a relation her which by my definition makes them family no matter how blended. Its only through clarifying these relationships and acknowledging their existence can we grow and understand the importance of those in our life.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

[rel-bis]

Re-reading Ao no Flag cause I'm buying the physical volumes, so some thoughts specifically about Masumi's ending

So in the ending Masumi marries a man, and as a bi woman I have some thoughts about that, positive and negative. Let's start with the positive

I saw some comments from people saying its not explicit that she's bisexual or that clearly her husband is a beard and she got a sad closeted ending. I was confused about these comments tbh, I believe that it's clearly implied she's bi because of this page:

Her husband mentions being jealous of both men and women. And then he basically says "she chose a person, not a gender" which is LITERALLY the message bi people have been trying to get other people to understand forever! Even the comment about her "not belonging to either side" is something any bi person can relate to.

Also he's talking with Touma here, and asks him if he "gets it" regarding being jealous of men and women, and Touma responds in the affirmative("Really? You too?") because he's also married to a bi person(Taichi). Just a tiny thing that only makes sense when you learn that Touma is the POV character lol

It's unfortunately a common trope in Japan that sapphic relationships among young girls are not taken seriously and are treated as just a silly playful phase they go through and eventually grow out of. When I saw Masumi ended with a man, I winced, bracing myself for this scenario. However, her husband clearly acknowledges her attraction to women and her bisexuality by saying she didn't "choose a side", she chose him. It's rare to see such a clear messaging of bisexuality in manga, so this dialogue was honestly a very pleasant surprise to me.

Now the negative. I was happy about this sure, but it was also a bit awkward and hard to accept this happening in the very last chapter when for the entirety of the series, Masumi was coded as a lesbian. In real life no one would bat an eye at Masumi, someone who identifies as lesbian and previously only liked women could discover later she's actually bisexual and anyone who judged her for that would be an idiot, same thing if it was the opposite. But this is fiction, and what you portray and HOW you portray it matters.

One of the main evidences of her lesbian coding is that all her relationships with boys in high school fail, even though they're "perfect boyfriends". I guess you could interpret this as, obviously she couldn't force herself to like these boys regardless of gender while she was still in love with Futaba, but that's me making sense of it retroactively, the story doesn't make it clear and "lets you believe" she's a lesbian, because why wouldn't you, that's a pretty common way of coding it.

Another thing is Masumi's conversation with Akiko, where Masumi reveals that her internal struggles come from the fact that she wants to fit in heteronormative society because things would be easier that way. Her happiness comes from the people she loves being happy and not worried about her, which they would be if she "went against" society. So seeing her end up with a man can be uncomfortable as it can be seen as her making the choice to fit in with society.

SO YEAH I have conflicting feelings about this, I thint it definitely could have been handled better. I think the ending was very clear about her being bisexual and I like that, but there's also definitely a conversation to be had about lesbian erasure regarding how her arc was handled, and I understand the feelings of those who were upset and frustrated by it.

Sorry if I forgot anything lol and feel free to add any comments if you have them

[nestasgalpal]

Hi! I recently read a post where the OP sort of lists why she relates to Nesta. And I think anti-nestas have missed that point completely. They can't grasp how Nesta could possibly be relatable. So I thought I'd ask, has there ever been a scenario IRL where you felt like you were Nesta? If not, that's cool too. Liking her for her badassery alone is enough but I'm just curious if there's an IRL reason. #IAmNesta

Okay, long answer. Here I go:

I relate to Nesta in the sense that I deal with absolutely everything in an extremely private way. I don't share my feelings until I've already processed them (which takes me forever), I don't ask for advice, I don't ask for help and even when those things are offered to me, I have a hard time accepting them.

Just like Nesta, my reaction to almost everything is isolating myself from the rest, and working on my own to block it. Like, I won't even work on my feelings or intrusive thoughts, I do what my therapist calls "anesthesia", where I simply block things and refuse to acknowledge them. I pretend they don't exist. I think Nesta does the same, but the kind of stuff she is bottling up is obviously of a different magnitude than what I deal with. She is a fictional character!!

We have known since the beginning, because Feyre told us, that Nesta mourned the death of their mother like nobody else. We were told as well she was the one who suffered the most from the loss of their fortune. We then learned that Nesta is a victim of child abuse, both physical from her grandmother and psychological from basically all the adults in her life. We discover that she was groomed her entire childhood and brainwashed into thinking she must marry a prince to ensure the family's future. That's where the people in her life told Nesta her worth as a person was: in her ability to marry. And after accepting such a thing and growing up enduring that kind of abuse, all of a sudden they lose their status, everything she has learned to excel at isn't useful anymore, and apparently she did all that for nothing.

I think her anger is reasonable. I understand her because when I'm unable to understand my own emotions I become angry as well. In my case, I'm angry with myself, not the world or other people, but to others I seem more short-tempered than I usually am. From outside we are regarded as petty or unreasonably unpleasant because our attiture comes "out of nowhere", but it's our own fault, because we won't tell people about what we are going though.

What Nesta did wrong was allowing it to harm her relationship with her sisters, who were blameless. She was I think 14 when they moved out and into the cottage (right after she refused to marry the duke, which probably added to the frustration, although a 14y/o shouldn't have been in that position at all). Their father did nothing, and Nesta simply had never learned how to deal with things in a healthy way, so she lashed out. I'm sad we never got an explanation as to why she was protective of Elain and not Feyre. I personally came to the conclusion it was because her mother used to talk to her about Elain like she was a dumb but pretty girl, and perhaps Nesta wanted to allow her to keep her apparent bubbliness, the protection from the outside world she never got. It could also be because she thought Elain, being the prettiest, still had a chance to find a good match, while she considered herself and Feyre hopeless.

What I respect from Nesta, maybe because it happens to me as well, is that she is aware of how her actions affect others (again, we are on different levels lol). She knows she is hurting Feyre, and she hates that about herself. Perhaps she doesn't do the same thing to Elain because, while Feyre clearly has no issue fighting back, Nesta assumes Elain couldn't, and the damage would be greater??? The thing is that she never asks Feyre to understand her reasons. Does that make sense? Like, she is aware of how horrible she is being, and if Feyre wanted to cut ties with her, she wouldn't blame her. In fact, when Feyre wants to go back to save Tamlin, Nesta encourages her to go and be happy. She knows Feyre desserves better than a life with her in it.

Nesta won't get upset and ask her sister to be more understanding, which I think is better than thinking she is entitled to other people's compassion and patience. As I see it, that's why when they get their money back she is willing to give Feyre anything she needs, even if helping fae is considered treason. Because she feels guilty and believes she owes Feyre for putting up with her and not leaving. In my opinion, Feyre refusing to give up on her only makes Nesta feel worse about herself.

I don't know, I liked that she is not delusional about her toxic behavior, and that when she pushes people away, she doesn't expect them to fight back to stay in her life. She never demands others to empathize with her, and after lashing out, accepts whatever they decide to do. Because as someone who struggles to allow people in or accet help, I would never expect people to put me before their own mental health, and that's where I relate to her.

I saw that being the main issue between Feyre and Nesta after ACOWAR. Feyre will fight forever to have the sister she wants. Nesta sees it differently. Nesta thinks "if Feyre doesn't want to put up with me, she can disappear from my life, I won't blame or resent her for her choices." But Feyre is so convinced she wants Nesta in her life, she won't stop trying. And that insistence is hurting both. Nesta can't fit into what Feyre wants, and feels guilty because she still feels in debt with her sister, but can't give her what she wants. She can't fit into Feyre's life as she is, and the chance of not being in the life of her sister at all is taken from her. She MUST be in it. Feyre goes to the extreme to prevent Nesta from leaving her... but there is still no room for her if she doesn't change herself. Seeing things won't work, Nesta wants out of it. Feyre wants to force her to stay... hence the bribery to have her at the birthday party that only made both miserable, the intervention, the imprisonment, etc. Nesta would rather be rejected by her sisters than have them hate her, because she knows herself and knows she will constantly let them down. And I relate to her for that.

[trulyhumblenarcissist]

Abourt Rei Himura and BNHA Chapter 301

Now that I've read the official release of chapter 301 I can finally try to gather my thoughts. I think this time the particular rendition of dialogues and inflections provided by Caleb Cook is more crisp and clear than usual, especially in throwing "shade" upon Endeavor as a father figure. But let's do things in order...

Title: THE WRONG WAY TO PUT OUT A FIRE - a simple, but stark message that doesn't leave space for ambiguity. There was a fire, an imminent tragedy that could and should have been avoided, but whoever tried to fix it, did it all wrong and now we have to deal with a huge arson.

CARLESS HANDLING OF FIRE, on the other hand, doesn't quite cut it for me, because it seems like everything was caused by a foolish mistake. "I was carless and now I'm in a pinch"- type of situation, while it's perfectly clear that Endeavor and Rei decided purposefully which "strategy" to use with Touya. A BAD one to say it lightly. Rei's contribution and complicity is debatable, of course, and I'll touch on this later.

Let me get this clear though: I'm not trying in any way to critique the hard work of unofficial translators. I can't say anything relevant because I'm not a translator in the first place (I can barely understand English and my native language on a good day) and also because I am so grateful for everything they do in order to give us really good material FREE OF CHARGE basically a second after the release in Japan. I'm just interested about the different shades of subtext we can catch if we read the story through multiple filters. Every translation is unique because it carries the personal spin of the author even if the bias should be inexistent or ideally undetectable...

However, back to the chapter

REI'S CAGE

The first scene opens on a luxurious classic Japanese villa, with Enji, Rei and her parents discussing the motivation behind Enji's proposal. Or at least we initially think that's what's going on... Because in reality Rei's family couldn't care less about the motivation. Everything these people see is a wealthy, famous guy the next number one hero ready to take their daughter in marriage. I guess the Himuras are pretty broke, thight on cash, their old prestige is definitely gone and all they can do to save themselves from shame and poverty is "to sell" their only remaining asset.

During the whole ordeal, Rei is standing still, silent, cold as ice. She knows she doesn't really have a choice. How mortifying and sad is this? An adult, capable woman has no agency whatsoever, she is used again and again and she stoically accepts this treatment from every single dominant figure in her life until she can't be stoic anymore. I really hope Horikoshi's going to give her a much more proactive role in saving her family and it seems the narrative wants us to expect this type of character development.

I'd like to point out 2 panels in particular:

First one

In this scene the Todorokis are back from their trip to the doc, who clearly said they shouldn't try to conceive a child with a perfect quirk mix because it is dangerous (and morally questionable too). Rei understands this fact and tries to dissuade Enji, but he doesn't listen, because he's projecting all his pent-up resentment and frustration onto Touya. He knows how it feels to crush against an unbreakable wall, since he can't surpass All might and his son can't too. He had to learn this truth the hard way, so Touya needs to do the same. Enji is purposefully throwing upon his son years of failures, self consciousness and despair, just because the boy has to get it into his thick skull that he is a dud, just like his father. This is not a hopeless dad making a mistake bona fide, this is a broken man trying to destroy his self reflection by proxy, annihilating everything Touya is, swiping the kid's identity under the rug. He describes his son's dreams and sadness as something birthed from stubbornness. He is auto-convincing himself however (because Endeavor is not stupid). A little bit later he's basically saying: "Touya let's play make believe! We can go on like everything I had engulfed in your psyche never existed, you're a failed attempt so you don't exist. Your needs and wants are silly and useless, nothing worth dealing with now that I can't make you my prodigy. Why don't you go play with the other failures so that I don't have to look at myself while taking actually care of you. I don't want to see you, because it's too painful, because you're a remainder of my own inadequacy."

Note: If you want to read an incredibly well done analysis about Endeavor's motives and psyche, you can get it on @thyandrawrites , she's dwelt on everything extensively and way better than me.

I really want to talk about Rei though. In the panel I showed above, her expression is a bit tricky to analyse. At first she is very vocal about her position. She doesn't want to put Touya through useless suffering, especially since they have a scientific reason not to. They have no guarantee of success with other children, besides, they could possibly have to deal with other health related issues. However, all it takes to convince her in the end is Enji's half assed attempt at the "It's for Touya's sake" shtick. Is it really? Why doesn't she question her husband anymore?

Well... I think before Natsuo, she was probably hoping Touya would let go "naturally", with time and growth, maybe by taking interest in his other siblings. Rei said she wanted to have more children because in her mind they would have supported and loved each other. Maybe she was naive enough to think that a big family full of kids few years apart from each other was all Touya needed to distract himself from his purposes... BUT and here is the point I want to get across: She was deluding herself too, much like Enji. The ugly truth, in my opinion, is that Rei is a person prone to protect herself by going with everything other people want, especially if said people are capable of hurting her. Yes, she was hurt time and time again, but what would have happened if she really tried to stop Enji?

What I am trying to say is that Rei is the kind of person who endures to survive. She holds a "captive" mentality in which, by indulging her captor's desires, she can continue living with less possibile damage. If I stay still and silent, if I don't make a scene, I can go on, I can hold onto the few things I have that actually make me happy.

Let's think about it... Enji was so obsessed with his psychotic, power-hungry quest that he would have probably disown Rei. She would have been thrown away for a more compliant woman with an ice quirk, or something similar, this resulting in her probably losing everything, the respect and love of her family (the Himuras) and also her own children. Because we know Endeavor can definitely hold a grudge and is vendicative.

So, clarifying, Rei doesn't put up a fight because she is scared for herself in a way... She is scared to be hurt in the worst possible way (by losing her little bit of serenity), so her strategy is to endure and to keep up a facade of control and purpose.

Rei, ironically just like Touya and other characters in mha, doesn't really get what unconditional love is. Her family loves her until she can be useful to the Himura name and status, her husband loves her for her quirk. Her children, however, love her for who she is and she wants to stay with them... Only to be forced to leave them later anyway.

The few times Rei actually smiles are when she is with her babies. She is a deeply loving mother in her core, but her declining mental health makes her a very lacking caregiver.

This panel, in my opinion, shows the point of no return for Rei. She can't keep the glacial facade forever...

After Natsuo's turn to be deemed a failure, Endeavor is crazier than ever, because All Might is as popular and loved as ever and he hasn't make any progress into his eugenetic games. The last two images of Rei are very telling. She is exhausted, but she knows what her husband wants from her this time too. She looks like a lifeless doll and honestly I can easily see Shouto's conception as... Non consensual and I will stop here.

Then Shouto is born, the last, perfect specimen... And Rei isn't doing much for Touya, we can see she's apparently blind towards her eldest son's distress already after Natsuo's birth... But why?

Because she is actively avoiding to face the Touya's problems too.

If Touya is still suffering, is still feeling stressed and worthless, then everything Rei has endured, everything she pretended not to feel for the sake of her family has been completely useless. What Rei cannot look at is her own parental failure, is the concrete proof that while protecting herself and her peace she did not protect her children too, because the two interests were never really aligned, even if she really believed so. She never had a functional family to preserve in the first place and everything she accepted to do was all for the sake of a false sense of belonging.

However is too easy to say she should've rebelled against Enji and dumped his sorry ass. Abuse traps you and your abuser too in a cage tricky to escape.

What I imagine will happen next chapter is one of two things:

Enji stops Touya by using brute force, probably also saying something really scarring to reinforce the notion that Shouto is the only child he cares about.

Rei stops Touya by using her quirk. This act could be considered by Touya another confirmation that even his mother actually does something by her own accord only when Shouto's safety is at risk

Necessary conclusions

I don't blame Rei for her actions too much. She is a victim turned abuser by circumstances, but more importantly she's actually taken mesures to prevent herself from hurting her children again. She's trying to heal for her family's sake, really this time. Ten years spent dealing with guilt and having actual therapy seem a good plan to me. And now she's the one ready to snap Enji back to reality.

Enji, on the other hand, is trying too. It's too little too late, but if he stops avoiding reality and hardly works on understanding his family's point of view I don't think he is completely unredeemable. I don't see him surviving his last confrontation with Touya, thought... But I could be totally wrong.

Obviously everything I've said it's my personal analysis on Rei's character, as I interpret her actions and words, so feel free to contradict me and/or to add anything you might see fit.

[acciocriativity]

You and Me II || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: After years at Hogwarts, your life would really begin and nothing could be better than to start this new phase with your official birthday party, but the next day does not turn out quite as expected.

Warnings: For those who haven't read the first part yet, Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this fic. The first wizard war was against another wizard but its consequences are still valid! Just pure fluff and an implied bit of smut.

Word Count: 3,0k

A/N: This is obviously the part two of You and Me, but it’s not necessarily related, so you can just read this one as a one shot but the first part gives you a lot of context for this, ok? ok then. (Happy really early Birthday Katie! I'd like to post this on your bday but I was too anxious for this. Hope you like it!)

Part I

04/27/1997

"You're really not well, how can a person be in this state when their birthday is so close? I've tried to understand and still can't", the brunette's bored voice made itself present in the room for the 4th time in the day and as I prepared my answer, she held up her hand and delivered her own hypothesis first. "You can't be sad that we're finishing seventh year, I swear for Merlin's sake, if that's the case, I'll...", the words slipped slowly from her mouth, as did the calmness remaining in her.  

"Even though anything you have to say sounds like a lot of fun, it's not the case. I really want to start my own life, have my own job and all that. I'm just thinking a lot lately, too many things have happened, we've all changed so much", I didn't bother to look at her, still focused on the ceiling painted like a blue summer sky and she didn't mind asking permission to lie next to me on the bed. 

"We had to grow up eventually, although some took too long, in fact, I can point out for sure that half the boys still act like kids", we both laughed until our bellies ached.

"Well, good for us then because Draco and Blaise are not on that list and don't even dare look at me like that, you know he's changed a lot", I heard her amused giggles and already imagined what was coming. 

"I wasn't even going to say anything this time, it's really impressive how you just stick up for him, I hope it's the same with me", I frowned and looked at her as if she was out of her mind, and there were chances she really was. "Since when do you need protection from someone?". 

"I never said I needed it, but it's nice to know I have it", she shrugged without looking me in the eye and I decided it would be better to change the subject, because nothing good ever comes out of a Pansy, who is unseasy in any sense. 

"So, about your...," she started. "Pansy, what do you…”, I said at the same time, but I just smiled and waited in silence for what she had to say. 

"I was going to ask about your parents, you're going to have to live with them in a month, so how are you feeling about that?", she just glanced at me. 

"That's been going through my mind, I have no idea what it's going to be like but it's going to be better than anything that's happened in the past, that's enough for now", I sighed. 

"You know you can come to my house, right? You can hide there", I agreed with a smile and we continued in a comfortable silence. 

04/29/1997

7:30 A.M.

 On the morning of my birthday, I woke up in the best possible way. The warmth emanating from Draco's body and the thick blanket kept me unfazed by the freezing wind coming in through the window. I didn't want to move and I didn't need to. 

I sighed satisfied with the position I was in, curled up under the blanket hugging the blond's bare torso, with no responsibility or obligation other than to enjoy my day. 

"Morning, love", his arms pressed me tighter against him, I could feel his calm breathing and somehow, I felt calmer too.

I left a few kisses on his bare skin and the goosebumps they caused on him made me break out into a little smile. "Good morning, love", I whispered leaning back against him.  

"Come here, let me give you a proper happy birthday", he gave my hair a quick pat and lifted my chin to look at him. 

 As soon as I crawled closer to him, his arms entwined around my waist and pulled me even closer. 

"Happy birthday my love", he left several little kisses on my face and neck before moving to my lips, but our moment was interrupted by a noise on the window.

 A gray owl incessantly beat its beak on the window pane, we looked at each other, neither of us wanted to get up, but it would be too cruel to leave the poor thing waiting there. 

"It's my birthday, I have the right to ask you to go", I gave a brief kiss on his lips before letting him go to the war field. 

 I stayed warm while he opened the window further so that the owl could get through, as well as the icy wind. 

He rushed back to my side in time to see me tear the seal off the letter I received. 

"It's from my parents, they are really working hard this year. I have to admit that", I told him as I scanned the paper. 

"At least they realized what a great daughter they have, she's a little mean but still great", I was too busy reading the letter to notice his cunning and more icy than usual hands pass around me.  

 I jumped out of bed as I felt the shock of our skin contact and he had the audacity to laugh, I had to control myself too much not to grab my wand. 

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, you are dead now", I climbed into bed with my pillow, ready to fight. 

20:00 P.M.

 A few hours later, I was getting ready for the party in the Slytherin common room, everyone was invited since after this stressful year, a party would be nice and I couldn't physically kick anyone out. 

I was barely concentrating in my makeup, Nala was running back and forth between my feet wanting attention and I couldn't give it to her or for the next few hours, no matter how much it broke my heart. 

"For Merlin's sake... Nala! Sit!", it saddened me to see that she obeyed but still wanted to come running to me, that deserved a good reward.

 I fed her one of her favorite cookies and petted her shiny fur before going back in front of the mirror. I checked several times to make sure I was ready. 

"See you later my love, mma will be back soon", I waved to her and went downstairs before I gave in. 

 There were already a lot of people when I arrived, the new song by The Weird Sisters was so loud that Pansy didn't hear me, even though I called out 2 times as she passed by on the other side of the room. 

As I made my way through, many friends stopped to congratulate me and also to chat a bit, by the time I realized what I was supposed to do, more than 10 minutes had passed. 

"Have you guys seen Pansy? I was looking for her", I said before turning my own glass of buttered beer over and leaving it in Tom's hand. "See you guys later", my eyes were glued on the blond guy standing in the corner and in less than a second, I was walking towards him. 

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!", I heard his indignant voice but ignored it along with all the other people, who tried to talk to me on my way to him. 

"You know, the delay is only elegant because it doesn't last more than 5 minutes", he was smiling even though he hated tardiness. 

"Maybe for most people, a queen is never late love, the others were too early. Especially when it's her birthday", I stopped in front of him. "You haven't given me my present yet, I'm waiting", I pointed to my own lips.  

 He chuckled and looked at me for a few seconds before he said  something, even with the lights flashing I could still see the twinkle in his eyes, which still reflected mine equally. 

"Are you asking this as a gift around too?", his smile widened as did mine, he took a step closer. 

"Does that mean you're not going to give it to me? I had high expectations for this one in particular", something in his gaze changed, I could clearly tell but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. 

"That particular one can wait, right now, I have my main gift", he took his hands off his back and in them was a green velvet median box with silver details. 

 I was almost breathless just admiring the package once it was in my hands. To top it off, a green silk bow and I had the impression that he had made it himself. 

When I opened it, my jaw dropped. A silver necklace with an emerald heart carefully displayed in the box. 

"Draco, you really didn't have to give me something expensive", he didn't answer me, instead took the necklace and helped me put it on. 

"It seemed like an appropriate gift, now that we will no longer be living by Slytherin rules, it’s a nice way to say goodbye", I didn't think twice before I kissed him. 

"I love you, I'll never get tired of saying that", I whispered between kisses. "You won't forget that, right?", I sighed as he brushed his lips across the skin of my neck. 

"I have no reason to forget love, I...", we were interrupted by a forced cough behind me. 

"Why don't you two just go into a room? No one has to see this scene", Blaise's unmistakable voice sounded and I felt my boyfriend giggle, not moving out of position. 

"You can go after your girlfriend instead of getting in our way, wouldn't that be a brilliant idea?", I didn't see what happened, but a nice answer wouldn't be."So where were we honey?", he raised his eyes to meet mine. 

"We better save that for the end of the party love, wasn't that your idea?", I pulled away from him and took his hand. "You have a whole party to enjoy." 

"I already regret that decision, thanks for reminding me", he mumbled that and a few other things I couldn't hear. 

07/01/1997

7:00 A.M.

"I still can't believe this is our last breakfast at Hogwarts", Astoria commented amidst the silence that had formed at our table. 

"I still can't believe it's really over, it seems like any minute now I'm going to wake up and be back in third year", Pansy added. 

"Well, I hope you'll make better decisions if you go back there tonight. No one forgot the hair Pan", my remark made everyone laugh for the first time in the day, a bit of pride grew inside me. 

"Just because Hogwarts is over doesn't mean we're going to split up. None of you have any right to be this down today", Theo said and I was forced to smile as was everyone else. 

"I was glad to be rid of you, at no point I was sad," Blaise muttered but we could all hear him and we all laughed once again. 

8:00 A.M. 

"What are you thinking?" he was with his eyes closed leaning against the train window, but I knew he wasn't asleep. 

"How familiar everything here is, the worn leather of the seat, the smell of candy in the hallway and of trees coming in through the window. Other things will be familiar 7 years from now, it's just weird to think about it," he continued in the same position but held out his hand to me. 

"That's true but I feel better knowing that we will continue to be each other's constant," I intertwined our fingers and we continued like that until we arrived.  

11:00 A.M. 

"It's time for the gifts, we prefer to give you personally. I believe you will like it", my mother said as soon as we sat down on the couch in our living room. 

 I smiled not knowing how to respond, since I usually got the same thing every year, money or more paint, and I was pretty sure they didn't choose in person. 

"Go ahead, open it. We decided to give two separate presents this year, the pink wrapping is mine and the purple one is your father's", the two boxes were right next to me on the couch, so why was I hesitating so much to pick them up? 

 A lot was going on in my head, they have changed a lot in the last year but why? I could be dreaming of the ideal day, but no dream was as vivid as this one.

I took a deep breath and opened the pink first, I expected to find anything but my stuffed bunny, he was washed and clean, different from how I remembered, but still the same. 

"I thought I lost or tore it a long time ago", I managed to say as I hugged him like one who finds an old friend, but he was beyond that. 

"He was really in a rough state, but I was able to fix him. It was in one of the boxes in the basement, remember how you got it?", I agreed again, a wave of memories washed over me. 

My parents had just arrived home from a business trip, it was the first time I had been alone at home without them. 

"Mommy, Daddy!", I ran down the stairs as fast as my little legs would allow and threw myself into my father's arms, not caring about his wet coat, which soon became even wetter. "You promi-promised that you would be back soon”. 

"Oh my love, something unexpected has happened. We were never going to leave you alone for so long," her hands wiped away my tears and took me in her lap. "So, for you never have to be alone again, we brought a little friend, he will always keep you company when we have to leave." 

That wasn't enough to calm me down but it made me curious enough to stop crying, I didn't have any friends before that. 

 I hurried to open the other package but there was only an empty picture frame with no photo inside. 

Before I could open my mouth to ask for an explanation, shapes began to appear from the black background. 

I recognized the picture, me still a baby in my mother's arms and my father behind her, hugging us both but as soon as I blinked, it was gone. 

Another picture formed in its place, I was older, about two or three years old, this one I had never seen. I was on my mother's lap holding a drawing that I had made and possibly looked terrible. 

More pictures appeared and disappeared but I didn't wait to see them all at that moment. 

"I loved these gifts...thank you Mom and Dad," I made a great effort to hold back the tears as I hugged them both. "They are the best presents I have ever gotten." 

23:00 P.M. 

"What are you two doing out there at this time of night?! Draco, have you been drinking now?", Narcisa gave us another stern look before opening the door and shoving us inside. 

 We walked in almost tripping over the living room rug, laughing at each other, to the point where tears formed in our eyes.  

"Shhhhhh, my dad must be working... uhhhhhh, he's not going to like this, u-um," his hand covered my mouth. 

I pushed his hand away from my face. “Me?Shut up? You're practically screaming you idiot!".

 "You two, I don't want another peep out of you. Come up quietly. Your father doesn't like to be interrupted," she whispered, but it was enough for us to agree without hesitation. 

"Yes, Captain, I mean, ma'am," he pulled me up the stairs before her patience ran out. 

07/02/1997

14:00 P.M. 

"What do you mean, you don't remember what happened?", the blond was clearly trying hard not to laugh and I sighed, still under the blanket. 

"I don't remember Draco, did your mother really not hate me? I can't believe we came here...", even though no one was watching me, I started to blush, or was it just the fever? There's no way to be sure now. 

"That could never happen, she made sure to request your favorite tea. Now get out of there before it gets cold", he tried to pull on my blanket but I used all the rest of my strength not to let him.  

"Noooo, out there that's too cold. Come here, it's too cold for you too", I took one of my hands from the comfortable warmth to pull him to me. "You didn't have to get up so early to get this", I whispered but soon after started coughing. 

"There must be a potion to help you, I'll just get it and then...", he was ready to get up from the bed but I didn't let go of his arm. 

"I just want you, please stay here? The elf will bring it anyway", before he could protest, I covered him with the blanket. "You're not well either, let's just lay down for now". 

 He opened his mouth to deny it again but all that came out was a sneeze, after this he just gave up and lied down too. We were both screwed but at least we were together, right? I tried to think positive.

[ @x-dratie-x @fa-me]

Harry Potter Masterlist

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 16 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (15)

Next part (17) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

The Loss Of A Friend

You've never been to a funeral. Well, you did, but you were a kid and you didn't know the family friend who was being buried that day. In your child's mind, you didn't get why everyone was wearing black, in uncomfortable silence, crying all day long. You remember clearly that a blue bug got your attention, making your eyes follow its every move, making you smile despite the sad atmosphere.

It couldn't be more different today.

As the coffin is lowered into the ground, where Jason will forever rest now, you hold Billy's hand, the soft fabric of your black dress tickling your tights. You barely feel it though, all your sensations resumed to the weight in your chest, crushing, squeezing your ribs, smashing your heart.

You suddenly remember the day Monica introduced you to Jason. It was the Saturday before you started working at the pool, in the parking lot of Starcourt Mall. He had his little brother on one arm, and the girl walking beside him, tugging on the hem his shirt.

“So that's the new girl.” He said, a smile spreading across his lips as he reached out his hand for you to shyly shake. “I'm Jason, born to bear the weight of being Monica's cousin, but also the coolest guy you'll find in Hawkins.”

That, of course, started a small war of cheesy pick-up lines, insults, and sarcastic comments. You laughed, feeling easily welcomed by Monica's cousin.

Now, what gets your attention is how his young siblings cry, yell, calling out Jason as is he was just sleeping inside the wooden box and would wake up, smile, and start chasing them around again. He won't. Jason is only a memory now.

“I think we should go,” Billy says in a low voice, letting go of your hand to rub your arms softly.

Nodding, you let him guide you to his Camaro, driving you away from the sea of people dressed in black. You've known Jason for such a little time compared to everyone else here, who saw him grow up, studied with him, lived near him for many years. Your pain is just a speck of dust compared to theirs.

When you get home, the sun is setting. You decide to call Diane, just to make sure she's alright, but you don't tell what happened. It would make her come here immediately, and the last thing you need is someone else you care about being in danger. You have to lie, despite hating yourself for it, telling her that your voice is funny because you had to yell a lot with the kids at the pool. But it's better this way. There are more than enough people here you need to worry about.

“Come here,” Billy calls when you finally head to the bedroom. He sits in the bed, back against the headrest and you're quick to crawl into the bed and into his arms. “How are you feeling?”

“I don't know. Sad doesn't really explain it.” Putting your legs over his, you hide your face on his neck, breathing in your favorite cologne, the only one he uses since the day you told him that. “I can't believe I buried Jason. Jason. My crazy-ass friend.” Your voice cracks and you hold back a sob. “I'll never hear those stupid jokes again.”

“I'm so sorry, princess.” There's a pain in his voice too. Billy has been around Jason a bit, mostly with you. But you know he's actually sad because of how broken you are. You can see it in his eyes, that he wish he could take your pain away, and that he's desperate because he doesn't know what to do.

But there's nothing Billy or anyone else could do. You can't fight death. You can't hit it with a baseball bat full of nails until it gives your friend back. The only thing you can do is avenge him. Get whatever took him and destroy it.

“I wanna kill those Demothings.” The anger in your voice is tangible, and you clench your hands into fists. “I swear to God, Billy, I'll kill one of them myself.”

“Anger won't help. We need to be smart about it. We need a strategy.” Billy is often angry with things. Mostly with things that hurt you, but this time, you get why he's taking another path, trying to calm you down instead of putting more wood in the fire. “The meeting is set for tomorrow. We'll find a battle plan to kill those damn things.” His hand comes to lay on your thigh, fingers softly caressing your skin. “But for now you need to rest, ok? I'll cook something you like and then we'll cuddle watching some nice movie. How does that sound?”

“What if I cry through the movie?” You ask because more tears start rolling down, it doesn't matter how many times you try to get rid of them.

“Then I'll hold you tight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Billy is kind enough to try and get you into some small talk. Nothing too complicated, nothing related to the Demothings or Jason. You're thankful for that. He even manages to get a few laughs from you, although they're always followed by a reality check when the events of the last two days hit you again, and the smile is gone.

A couple of hours later you're watching Jaws, your head on Billy's chest as you try to follow the events of the movie. But it seems way too fast for you, or it's just your mind that's refusing to process anything that's happening.

You just keep thinking about death. About how Jason's whole life was cut short. How all of his plans for the future were erased.

“Billy, can I ask you something?” Keeping your voice low, you speak up for the first time since you came to the living room after having dinner.

“Of course, princess. What is it?”

Biting your lip, you consider if you should really bring that up. It's selfish to talk about your future when someone else won't have one. But this whole situation made you want to make plans because it's a privilege to still be here. It's a blessing to still have time. “What you said to Joyce about... Marriage. Did you really mean that or–” Pushing yourself up from where you were laying on top of him, you take a deep breath. “–or were you just trying to get out of the conversation. Because it's ok if–”

“Haven't I made it clear that I want to be with you for the rest of my life?” He moves to sit up as well, pulling you close until you're placed in between his legs, a hand caressing your cheek. “Because if I hadn't, I'll make it clear now. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't know how it happened, and it did get me by surprise, but the day you walked in the Hawkins Community Pool, I knew something changed in me. I knew I had to get to know you, and I did thought it would pass, that I'd get tired of you as I got of the other girls, but I didn't.” Billy holds you closer to him, your foreheads touching. “You hit me like–”

“Bang.” You finish for him, the memory of the day he was unbelievably honest with you coming back. The day he admitted to you, and somehow to himself too, that he liked you. It was also the day he punched David, and the day he kissed your cheek, making your stomach burn like it has been set on fire.

“Like bang.” He breathes out, warm lips coming in touch with yours. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him as close as you can, the need to feel that he's here, with you, clouding the sound of the TV. Billy moves to lay back down again, and when you move to follow his change of posture, your knee slips and connects to his ribs. “Ouch!” He breathes out, cutting off the kiss.

“Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.” Covering your mouth, you bring the free hand to rub his side. “Sorry, baby.”

Taking a deep breath, he grabs your arm and pulls you down, making you collide on his chest, giggling. “Sorry. I shouldn't be joking around with you now.”

Squinting your eyes at him, you try to get up, but his strong arms come around your body, keeping you from moving. “I hate you, Hargrove.” The fake sentence is soon overcome by a giggle. “I'll kick you right this time, I'm warning you.”

“Oh, I'm shaking like a leaf.”

“Don't test me, Hargrove. Keep in mind we sleep on the same bed and I know all of your habits, baby.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Mumbling, you manage to stand up, moving back into a sitting position. You know he actually let you go, but there's no reason to acknowledge that. Taking a deep breath, the sudden happiness is stained again, as the memories crawl back. It seems like Billy notices because his smile softens. “I love living with you, you know that, right?”

“I love waking up next to you every morning.”

You can't help the smile that comes to your lips as you bend over again, kissing his lips.

On the next day, Billy calls Anthony to ask him to give you a few days off work. Obviously, you have to urge your hothead boyfriend not to curse the manager and risk losing his job. You feel fine to go to the pool, or you think you do, but the truth is you wouldn't be paying much attention anyway. And much to your dismay, Billy gets a total of zero days off. No discussion, what makes him hang up the phone so hard you thought he broke the poor thing.

Since you don't want to be alone, and Billy would absolutely never allow you to be alone in the house when you're friend just died, he drives you to Joyce's place, where the party will gather to make plans.

Saying it's hard to be away from Billy on the day after you buried Jason is a misunderstanding. Seeing him drive away from Joyce's porch makes you feel like he's taking your heart with him. He didn't seem pleased either, but there was no other choice. You wouldn't make him miss the day, since you know Anthony is a terrible human being, just looking for the right excuse to get rid of the lifeguards.

“Honey, come inside,” Joyce calls a hand on your shoulder. “Can I get you something to eat? We had pizza last night and I have a slice in the fridge.”

“No, thank you, Joyce.” Politely, you decline her offer. “Is there any bed I can crash in?”

“Sure. Come.” Walking through Jonathan and Will, you wave at them, muttering a good morning and trying not to cry at their sad faces. They know Jason was a close friend, and, like everyone else, they don't know what to do or say. “This is Will's and Jonathan's room. Just pick a bed.” Nodding, you choose the one on the left and lie down. “Do you need to talk?”

“There's nothing to say.” Putting your head on a pillow, you stare at the ceiling. You feel comfortable around Joyce, she has this mother thing about her. “I just want this to end. Before anyone else gets... Eaten.” The word makes you shiver as it brings the image of his body back. “I wish I wasn't the one to find him. To... See him that way. I don't think I'll ever forget that.”

“Honey, I'm so sorry.” She comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “When... When they found Will's body, it hurt. I knew in my heart it wasn't him, but the very idea of losing my baby was horrible. So I have an idea of how you feel. Losing someone is a pain that doesn't go away. You'll get used to it, but it remains. All we can do is learn to deal with it and honor them by carrying their memories.”

You're crying through her speech, and you can't help but sit up and hug her, crying on her shoulder. “We have to be careful because I can't lose anyone else.” You're not sure if she can even understand what you're saying, but since she nods, you think she did.

“Don't worry, honey. We'll all be alright.” She pulls away, rubbing both your arms. “The kids will be here soon, but feel free to stay here or join us, ok? Do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Thanks.” Offering her a small, sad smile, you watch as she leaves.

You hear when they get here, the chattering starts, and you can understand a few words here and there. They talk about you, and about Billy and about the funeral. But soon enough it falls into the major problem. And that's when you tune out, staring at the ceiling, trying not to make yourself too comfortable in someone else's bed.

The only thing you want now is Billy. You want to go back to the time where there was no Demogorgon, Demowhatever lurking around. At least to you. It's weird to know what really happened in Billy's car accident, how he was almost the host for the Mind Flayer. You're happy it didn't happen, that he's here now. You need to thank Max for that, actually. If it wasn't for her and the others, your Billy wouldn't be here. He could be dead, and you'd never meet him. He'd never shoot glances at you, or drive you home, buy you tacos or punch David's face. Or kiss you, hold you, love you. The thought of a life without Billy in it is absurd. Now, more than ever, after you lost someone so dear, you have this need to be with him. Just to make sure he's here.

Breathing out and closing your eyes, your hand comes to hold the necklace. It makes you feel closer to Billy, and there is a silent promise here, one you hold close to your heart, together with the earring.

Eyes open, you get up of the bed. You don't care if you got days off, you have to see him. Even if it's just for a hug. Leaving the bedroom, you make your way to the living room, which is crowded.

“We wait until it's late at night to make sure the Demodogs are out, sneak inside the tunnels, and spill insane amounts of gasoline all over it. Get the hell out, wait until it's morning, and set the whole thing on fire.” Dustin says, hands in the air and a smile on his face.

He's kidding, right? He can't be suggesting that as if it's the greatest idea of the world. “Are you completely insane?” You ask, making your presence known. Arms crossed, your eyes scan through the party. “You can't possibly think this is a good idea.”

“I agree with (Y/N), this is insane,” Joyce adds, her face making it clear she thinks this idea sucks. “I won't let you do that.”

“But–”

“The point is to kill them without getting ourselves killed. And every single idea you come up with has a hundred different ways to get us killed.” Steve says, both his hand on his hips as he paces around the room. “Who thinks this idea sucks raise your hand.” He's the first to do it, and Joyce, you, and Jonathan do the same.

“Count Billy in.” You say, raising the other hand as well.

“And Hopper,” Joyce states, giving you an approving stare.

“It's six against seven. We're doing it.” Dustin exclaims.

“No.” You basically shout, not caring one bit if you sound bossy. All eyes lay on you as you struggle to keep it together. “We're not doing it and that's final.”

“I–”

“I just lost a friend and I will not let you do something that might just end up in another funeral.” There are tears threatening to fall again, but you hold them back. “So come up with something else.”

The silence is deafening. You know you're breaking down again, even though the tears aren't rolling down. Yet.

“Please. There's gotta be something else.” Lowering your voice and looking down at your feet, you beg. You can't even think about someone else dying. You couldn't bear it.

“I saw this thing at school. Like a robot with remote control.” Lucas starts. “If we could build a bunch of them and attach a hose, we could guide it inside the tunnels and spread the gasoline.”

“Yeah, but there are seven holes. Which means a lot of ground we'd have to cover.” Eleven adds as you make your way to the group, sitting on the couch beside Joyce.

“Let's blow up six of them.” You burst out, crossing your legs. “A hell of a explosion that would take those things days to dig it back. Then there will be only one way in and out. Find a hell of a long hose or just connect a bunch of them and a million gallons of gas. The robots will spread it then we'll just need a match.”

“That's good. It could work.” Nancy says. “But we'll need to chip in to buy all these things.

“Hopper can get some for free I'm sure.”

“We start right now.” Mike stands up and the others follow. “Let's get started.”

The rest of the day is hectic. Lists are made, one of the kids teachers come over to help with what they called a summer project. For fun. And the materials started arriving. You don't really know what to do, so you help Joyce make lunch, keeping up with her small talk. Joyce is easy to be around, and you like to hear her stories about Will and Jonathan. You even manage to show a few smiles every now and then. After everyone is fed, you finally sit on the porch, trying to help as much as you can. The kids are genius, literally building remote control robots from random pieces and the instructions from books. It's amazing. Since you can't really be of much help in this aspect, you join Nancy, separating stuff or doing anything they tell you too.

When the sun is setting, some of them had to go home to gather their stuff. They'll crash here and take the robot construction through the night. By the moment you hear the faint noise of Billy's car, it's just Joyce's kids, Steve and Dustin. Leaving the small pieces of metal you were shaping into tiny little circles, you stand up abruptly.

“Where are you going? These circles aren't going to make themselves.” Dustin complains, raising his hands in the air.

“Billy is back.” There's no need for further explanation, so you tiptoe among the stuff, careful not to step on anything.

“It could be anyone.”

“Dustin, is there any other car in Hawkins that sounds like that?” As you speak, the noise gets louder and Billy's car comes to your sight.

“She knows her boyfriend's car.” Steve jokes as you walk to the yard, smiling when Billy stops the car and comes out.

“Miss me, princess?”

“Obviously.” It's a feeling of pure relief to see him. It feels like it's been so much longer than just some hours, but you feel that you'll have this insane need to be around him for a while. Just to enjoy the fact that you're still alive. You can't help but wonder for long the idea of death will hover over you... Probably forever.

“You ok?” He asks, his hand on your hair as you have your head on his chest.

“I will be.” Remembering the audience, you pull away, standing on your toes to kiss him. “Dustin had a terrible idea but I made him change his mind about it.”

“How did you do that?”

“I yelled.” With no intention of further explanation, you turn at the guys. “I'll be back tomorrow morning, alright? Have fun doing crazy science.” Waving at them, you get into the car.

You would like to stay at Joyce's, keep helping as much as you can, but you feel like you need silence and peace. The kid's laughter and jokes make you feel better, but you know that you also need to let the sadness creep over for a while. Keeping it hidden, disguised, makes no good. So as you dry and brush your hair, waiting for Billy to finish his shower, you cry.

For Monica, for Jason's younger siblings, his mother, his father, uncle, and aunt. For every friend he made since he was born. And for yourself too. Jason was one of the people that you imagined you'd be around for the rest of your life.

You're dragged away from your thoughts by the phone's ring. Rushing to answer it, you find it's Joyce, kindly asking if you can pick Mike up and drive him to her place, and of course, you comply.

“Billy.” You call when you hear him coming out of the bathroom. “Joyce needs us to pick up Mike. Nancy can't stop what she's doing there.”

“Sure. Let's go.”

Being out at night makes you anxious, but you try not to let it show. Eyes on the road, you bounce your leg nervously, tugging on the seat belt. Billy notices, and a hand comes to rest on your thigh.

“We'll be fine. Relax.”

“I'm trying.” Stretching your arm, you touch his neck. “I'm sorry if I can't stop thinking about Jason and what happened.”

“(Y/N), you just lost a friend. My responsibility as your boyfriend is to hold and love you through this process. Don't apologize.”

“I don't want this to be your responsibility, Billy.” When he turns his head to look at you, you run your fingers through his jaw.

He takes a deep breath, pulling over by Mike's house. You were about to get out, but since he doesn't move, neither do you. Billy looks like he's thinking, furrowed eyebrows and distant eyes. “Billy? Come back to Earth.” You decide to ask, taking off the belt and turning your body towards his.

“To have and to hold. For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” He squints his eyes through the words, trying to remember them. It takes a while for you to understand what he means, and when you do, your heart starts drumming in your ears. “To love and cherish till death do us part.”

“Billy...”

“It means I'll stand by your side. Not because I feel like it's my responsibility, but because I love you. And I'm more than happy to take the responsibility of being your–”

“Couldn't you save that up for, I don't know, someday when I'm dressed in white?” The words come out fast, and you're blushing hard, your cheeks burning. “No. You had to do this now. Drive me insane now in your Camaro.” You roll your eyes dramatically when his lips break into a smile, that smug, cocky smile he has when he knows he got to you somehow.

“Be my wife, (Y/N).”

“No.” It's an utter absurd how hard you have to fight not to say the exact opposite. You want to just burst out the word, here and now, because you're so damn sure you want Billy for the rest of your life. “No, baby. We'll graduate, save up money and you'll make a decent proposal.” You hope he can't notice your hands shaking as you step out of the car, almost stumbling on the sidewalk. His words burn through your mind, sending shivers down your spine. “I won't say I'll marry you in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, in front of Mike's house.”

“Did I just make you nervous?” Billy's arms come to encircle your waist, his deep voice, and breath on your hair making you sigh.

“Shut up, Hargrove.” With the sweet sound of his laughter on your ear, you knock on the front door, trying to push him away before someone comes to answer. “Let go.”

“Are you using my cologne again?” As soon as he asks, you feel his nose softly rubbing your neck, what makes you giggle and try to push him away again, uselessly. “You are.”

It wasn't your intention to let him find out, but he always does. “Well, it was–”

The door is suddenly open, a yellowish light hitting your eyes as you try to stand up straighter. The woman standing there gives a step back as if she just saw a ghost. Her eyes fly from Billy and back at you, then all the way back to Billy. It hits you suddenly as you realize she's Mrs. Wheeler, the woman Billy was going to meet on the day the Mind Flayer almost got him. They haven't met or spoken since that day, and you weren't expecting her to look so... Perplexed. You try to read her expression, to understand what the look in her eyes means.

“Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.” You manage to say because Billy clearly won't even try to be polite. You feel his muscles tensing up, as he gets immediately uncomfortable under the woman's stare since she doesn't seem to even try to hide. “Sorry to disturb you. We're here for Mike.”

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks

[morgana-ren]

Come Down to the Black Sea III

Summary: The sea seems to call to you, but it’s not the tumultuous clash of the waves you should fear. Something lurks deep beneath the black waters, something sinister with a piqued interest and ill intent.

Rating: Explicit 

Warnings: Siren!Shigaraki, graphic depictions of violence, heavy sexual innuendo, implied noncon, foul language, sexual tension you can cut with a knife, and just general sexual grossness. Joking daddy kink also, if you count that. 

PART I, PART II

Here you go! The third installment. Your seafaring friend finds your hot button and decides to plant some lovely ideas in your brain. Listening to them probably is not the smartest idea in regards to keeping your heart beating, but it certainly gets your thighs clenching. 

Taglist: @lemonzoey​, @babayaga67​

You know, it's really rough to explain to your superiors at work why you're so distracted when it happens to be because a mythical being is giving you the cold shoulder. 

You’re not entirely certain why it bothers you so much that your last encounter with him ended rather sour. He had made it perfectly plain from the get-go that his intent with you was far from pure. Murderous, in fact. He had almost drowned you on your first meeting and insulted you incessantly during your second. Not exactly a friendly track record. 

Regardless, he’s made a permanent home crawling beneath your human skin, like some itch you can’t scratch away. You can try to justify it however you’d like, but you can’t ignore the truth. In a word full of mundane existence, you’ve found an oddity and as much as you’d like to pretend you aren’t, you’re drawn to it. It’s part of why you returned to the beach despite the clear and present danger. You’d found a living, breathing mermaid. Even more impressive, you’d managed to piss him off.

Mermaid? Is that accurate? He’s so sensitive to being classified wrongly, but still never told you what he was. Considering the circumstances, maybe you should be a little bit more concerned about other things rather than offending him, but it still bothers you. 

Your ignorance isn’t due to lack of trying. You’ve done extensive research in the spare moments you have during the day, but nothing quite matches his description no matter how deeply you delve into the weirder parts of the internet, even going so far as to browse around on conspiracy sites on the darknet. Mermaid? Merman? Siren? Fish-guy? Some distantly related offspring to that Ripley’s Believe it or Not monkey fish? Relentless searching proved fruitless. Plenty of old sun-crazed fishermen claim to have seen merfolk in the waters or sirens on the rocks, but more often than not, it was a walrus or stage 4 sea madness. No one had a legitimate account of meeting with a real, intelligent creature of the deep. Nothing that came remotely close to him, anyway.

Despite being unable to focus at your job, getting home only doubles the anxiety. Restlessly sitting and twitching on the sofa, repeatedly trying and failing to read or watch some vapid TV show. You’re unable to keep your mind from returning to the ocean, to him no matter how hard you try. 

Over the course of time, you become acutely aware that staying home clearly isn't an option, but you're not really sure what to say to him if you see him again. Why do you even care? Aren't you supposed to be ignoring him? You can excuse your obsessive thoughts about him since most people would have the same reaction to seeing something supernatural not once, but twice in front of their very eyes, but a lot of people wouldn’t continuously return to see it especially if it was malevolent. 

You love that preemptively planning what to say to a sentient supernatural sea dweller is a part of your day. That's awesome. Can't look that one up on google. 

You’ll compromise with your compulsiveness instead. Go a little early and watch the sun set down over the horizon instead of watching the moon rise. Most parents won't allow their children near your rock because it’s slippery and dangerous, and frankly, you don't think he'll show up when others can see him. He’s deadly, but a mob of terrified parents and curious beach goers has few rivals. 

Maybe you can get your fill before he appears. It's better to keep away from him anyway. He wants you dead. 

He wants you dead, you remind yourself.

And so you do. Tread the sandy trail down to your favorite little hideyhole and plop down on the hard surface. You kick your feet absentmindedly on the rock beneath you, watching the small particles of sand splay and regather with every motion of your foot. The crash of the waves, still tumultuous and ornery, slap the side of your makeshift perch and splash you with speckles of water every few moments. You don't mind. You needed to shower anyway.

You can't help but feel a bit more lonely than normal, even surrounded by so many more people than you usually are. Flustered moms urge their children in from the shore to wipe them down with towels and flighty young twentysomethings hoot and holler, laughing loudly as they pile into their cars to find their next big spot for the night. The moon rises and the beach empties, leaving you alone again. The ocean settles, and even though it feels better, you feel alone.

You close your eyes, resting your head sideways on your knees with your arms buckled around your legs. You're close to the edge, precariously so. You just want to be close to the water. You should move back.

In. out. in. out. in. out. in. out.

The waves seem to move in line with the beating of your own heart, a tranquil feeling that dulls your restless thoughts and engulfs you in quiet solace. The hum of the ocean resonating deep within you with each breath you take of the briny air.

You're aware enough to recognize that the sound of the sea is luring you into a false sense of comfort. The darkness seeping over the horizon doesn't make it easier, and soon your slowly wandering mind is on the brink of unconsciousness. You're dangerously close to falling asleep, and given the circumstances, that probably isn't the best idea, especially since you're precariously close to the water. 

You can't help it, it's been one hell of a week. You haven’t slept. Haven’t relaxed. Haven’t felt at home in so long...

Listen, there's no guide online to look at that can help you through what to do when a malevolent fish-man hybrid has decided he wants to drown you. You can imagine it would say something along the lines of 'Stop going near the water then, dumbass' but that's like asking a religious person to stay away from church. It's the one place where you feel any semblance of peace, and you'll be damned if you're going to let the moonlight water marauder take that from you. 

Still, it makes things in your life exponentially more difficult when you can't explain to anyone what's on your mind. 

'Yeah, I met a mer...thing, and he's decided that he hates me and he wants to drown me, and that makes me sad. The one supernatural creature I get to meet and he doesn't like me. Bummer.'

They'd probably have you committed. That’s a bit much even for your eccentric proclivities. 

Your body occasionally jerks you awake, probably its way of saying 'You cannot sleep when there are enemies nearby', but it feels like it's been weeks since you've had a decent night's sleep. The endless procession of days marked by existential crisis with the tacked on bonus of being aware of the existence of a nefarious fairy tale creature makes everything feel awfully surreal. It feels as if you've been running on pure adrenaline and are about to crash. Hard.

If you were smart, you'd go home and try to bank on the feeling of sleepiness currently plaguing you, but you just can't bring yourself to move. Even barring the flaxen haired fish dude just chomping at the bit to drag you under, napping this close to the sea is a bad idea in general. Tides change rapidly and all it would take is a few minutes of you being unaware for the waves to snag you and haul you off to a watery grave. They'd probably never find you, just like the others who disappear here at night. 

But that's probably his doing, isn't it?

What does he do with the bodies exactly?

You really wish he wasn't trying to kill you, cause you have an endless list of questions you'd like to ask. What does he eat? Where does he live? Does he sleep at all?

Musing on all the things you'd like to know about him and his life leads you into fantasizing about being a talk show host interviewing him, and one thing leads to another and before you know it, you're conked out cold. You've managed to find an extremely awkward position to slump into, but even the horrid crick in your neck isn't enough to shake you from the dreamless slumber. Your body doesn't even have the energy needed to produce a dream, so instead, you just float through an endless void.

It could have been minutes, or even hours, really. You're not sure. The only thing strong enough to jar you awake is a sudden and intense feeling of dread that blooms in your stomach and gives you a form and sentience again. Your eyes snap open instinctively, and you're greeted with a pair of spiteful red eyes far too close to you for comfort.

"Jumping jesus-!" 

Surprised is a nice word for what you feel, an ugly screech emanating from your throat as you kick out your feet, knocking yourself over and almost falling in the water in the process. You hit your head nice and hard on a particularly jagged portion of the rocks, and by the time your vision undoubles, the danger is just barely settling in. 

Except danger is too busy cackling to be a threat.

You try to grapple with the panic in your chest and get a grasp on reality again after your literal rude awakening, but it's a bit rough when the sadistic jackass who perpetuated it in the first place won't stop laughing. Apparently he's too amused to take the opportunity to seize you, so you take the moment to scoot much further back and out of his reach, resisting the urge to plant your foot right on his stupid face.

Eventually he quiets down, but the grin never leaves his face. Much like everything about him, it's hostile somehow, mocking and disingenuous. 

"Humans really are so stupid."

"Joke is on you, tunabreath. You wasted the perfect opportunity to actually grab me." 

He shakes his head, tutting you. "I couldn’t resist. We like to play with our food too, sometimes. Scared ones taste better."

Is he implying he eats people? Okay, you know what? You don't wanna know. You doubt he'd be honest about it anyway, and would probably say whatever unnerves you the most. He seems a prick like that.

"I thought the entire point was to drown me and get it over with. You’re borderline obsessed with it."

He scoffs, little head fins twitching as he waves you off. "If I’m going to waste my time, don't make it so easy. It's less fun."

Okay cool, this is all a game to him; your life is a game to him. Nice. Fun. Great. 

Something on your face must have given away your ire, because he simpers at you and another raspy laugh bubbles in his chest. 

"It's not my fault you're stupid. You're the idiot sleeping next to the ocean when you know what's waiting for you when you get too close. It’s like you want me to devour you." 

"I thought after your little tantrum last night, you were gone for good. You really can throw a fantastic hissy fit."

That wipes the smile from his face.

“Little brat.” He taps a claw on the rock, narrowing his eyes at you. “Tough talk from someone afraid of getting a little wet.” He drags out the final word with a mocking tone, clicking his tongue against his fangs with the final syllable.

“For the last time, I’m not afraid of getting wet-” It takes it a second to sink in but wow this all sounds so wrong. Your face darkens and a familiar tingle worms itself in your gut. Are you really that lonely? “And don’t say it like that!”

His brows furrow and he studies you with a slightly quizzical expression. “Like what?” 

How do you explain to a dude who presumably has no cock and no human sexual experience about the sexual insinuations of human expressions? Wow. This is not a talk you thought you’d be having. The entire situation is weird, but this really sets the bar. 

“I know you’re probably not familiar with it, but that sounds... weird. It just sounds weird, okay?” 

“I don’t understand.” His lips curl downward in annoyance, arching a pale brow in your direction. 

“Look, when a human and another human... do stuff, things happen to their bodies and-“ a twisted sense of shame curdles your stomach and you go to scratch the back of your head, avoiding his eyes. Your words trail off somewhere mid sentence. If you were looking, you could practically see the gears turning in his head, but a few seconds later, his face pops in realization. 

“I’m fully aware of your human mating habits.”

“Don’t say it like that either! Jesus, you’re so awkward.”

A slow smile spreads over his face and he leans closer to you, tail swishing in a steady rhythm beneath the water. “Why? You’re over the ‘age of consent’, as it’s put, right? A sexually mature human female? Does it make you uncomfortable when I say things like that? Or does it make you something else?” 

He trails his claws in a walking motion towards your out of reach leg, and embarrassment isn’t a strong enough word for the emotion that colors your face as you recoil from his wandering fingers. “Knock it off!”

“Has it been a while since someone touched you, little human?”

“None of your business! You’re such a creep! And what do you know about it anyway? Don’t you fuckin’ lay eggs or something?”

He ignores your pointed jab, licking at his chapped lips as he runs his piercing eyes over you a bit too invasively for your liking. “You wanna know, huh? I can show you.” He reaches towards you again and you wiggle back a few more inches, caught between his words and the friction igniting feelings you’re desperately trying to ignore between your thighs.

“I’m getting mixed signals here. Are you trying to drown me or fuck me?” 

“Who says I can’t do both?” He tilts his head, gaze lingering on your lips before drifting down to your chest without shame. His attention still feels utterly predatory, but for a different form of predator entirely. “Your death doesn’t have to be entirely painful, you know.” 

“S-stop it.” 

He’s giving you whiplash with his intense mood swings, but you can’t deny the less than appropriate places his words drag your mind to. Heat ignites inside you, warmth spreading through your navel as your cheeks burn deeper than they did before. You will it away, trying to shake loose the thoughts from your mind. No fucking way are you even considering this.

“Look, even if our bodies were compatible, which they aren’t, it’s not like you wanting to kill me is a turn on.” 

He gives you another lilting grin, flicking his tongue and hissing in a foreign laugh. “Are you sure? I know that some of your kind are into that sort of thing. Hard. Rough. Dangerous. And judging by your face-“ 

Another bout of blood colors your cheeks so intensely that you can literally feel it. Oh God, make it stop. 

“-You might be.” 

“Shut it, shark bait!” 

“And who’s to say we’re not compatible? I know plenty. Something about the beach is an aphrodisiac to you humans. Not to mention~” Another grin, but this one gives off the undeniable air of ‘I know something you don’t know.’ “You have no idea what I can do.”

You can’t help but look back at him as he says it and you can tell he means every word. The unnatural scarlet glow of his eyes seems far too welcoming, calling to you like some sort of beacon in the darkness. The soft gleam of his silvery hair in the moonlight far too inviting. You want to touch it, wonder what it would feel like entwined between your fingers, what it smells like and how those claws would feel like scratching against the sensitive skin of your ass as he holds you steady against his hips.

You bet those fangs aren’t just for show, and judging by his attitude, he’s probably not afraid to use them. You bet they’d feel all sorts of nice scraping and digging into your flesh, biting you and licking that thick tongue up and over your neck, maybe even a bit lower if you asked him nicely. He’s so lithe, so strong, he’d have no problem fucking you against the rock even with the water resistance. His slick skin rubbing against yours, webbed hands squeezing your waist, kneading your tits, pressing the rounds of your neck until you gave yourself over to him completely and the taste of him is the last thing you ever knew.

Okay, you admit it. You are really curious to see just what it is he can do. You’d probably be the first human in history to find out, the first girl to be fucked to literal death by a siren. Would it really be such a terrible way to die? Being dragged under metaphorically and physically and spending your last moments in pleasure wholly unknown to the moral realm?

He smiles softly, watching you toss it around in your mind as he cradles his head in his palm. He’s beautiful, and you loathe it. You hate that you’re even considering this, even toying with the thought as if it’s really an option. What the hell are you doing? This is complete madness!

“You aren’t serious, are you?” 

He gestures you forward seductively, nibbling gently on his scarred bottom lip, keeping your eyes squarely trained on his mouth. “Come a little closer and find out. I promise I bite. Extra hard if you beg.”

Another clench between your legs. Shake it loose, shake it loose! “Look, even if I believed for a split second you wanted to seduce me, you really think I’m going to literally die for the chance?”

“What else are you going to die for?” 

Oddly deep. Not a thought you wanted to ponder right now. Expertly deflect it with sarcasm and ignore the fact that he has a very good point.

“Of old age, in my bed, surrounded by loved ones and piles of money I didn’t get the chance to spend yet.” 

He scoffs, blowing air through his nose. “Sure.”

“Just what is that supposed to mean?” 

He shrugs, shucking aside your irritation. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” 

“Prick.” 

He giggles, finding your crass human mouth oddly endearing. “Well, the offer stands. I told you I’m not going anywhere until you're under the water with me.” He pauses, considering you for a moment before grinning darkly. “I might just do it anyway, but it’s better if you’re willing. Not that I’ve ever been averse to a little struggle.”

“What?”

“It’s hard to say no when you can’t speak. I could easily bypass this little game of playing hard to get, but I want to see you squirm.” He eyes between your legs and you pray to the Gods that he thinks the dampness residing there is because of the watery environment. “I want to see you beg before the light goes out in those pretty eyes.”

“You’re a fucking perv!”

“I told you I’m going to watch you drown, you really put it past me to not take other forms of satisfaction from you while I’m at it?”

He presents a good point. You resent the fact that you don’t entirely feel repulsed by the thought. You should. You should be mortified and terrified and other words that end in ‘fied’. You should run and never come back. You know you should. 

You lean forward. 

“I’d like to see you try, fish boy.” 

A strangely genuine smile spreads across his lips and his face seems to light up at your words. It's still menacing, but oddly cute; like a child getting ready and excited to play their favorite game. 

"You really think you can win this, huh?" He muses, looking up at you through those pale lashes. "You sure are something, little girl." 

"What do I have to lose? If you win, you kill me, and whatever else, but I won't care, because I'll be dead. If I win, I get to see that arrogant smarminess wiped off your face when you don't get what you want. You'll have wasted all this time for nothing, and I guess that's a small consolation prize alongside my life."

“Time means nothing to me, but if it makes you feel better about the situation.”

From the way he says it, you don't deny it. It dawns on you that you really know nothing about his people. Do they age like you? Do they age at all? 

“How old are you?” 

"Older than you by far, I promise. What a rude question. How old are you?" 

“Old enough. But that doesn’t answer my question. Don’t deflect.”

"No manners, you humans." He ponders it for a minute. "You count the passing of time in revolutions around the sun, right? I'd bet I had been an adult for a very long time while you were still learning to walk on wobbly little legs." 

It's your turn to laugh now, and he doesn't seem amused. "You're an old man! Ew! You're an interspecies cradle robber!"

"I'm not old! We live exponentially longer than you! I'll still be in my prime when you're an elder!" His pallid face is dusted slightly red in frustration, and it's almost funnier than his reaction. 

"Whatever you say, grandpa! Do you have an undersea walker? Drink sea prune juice? Is that why your hair is silver? Cause you're old?"

Self consciously, he strokes the front of his long bangs between his fingers. "No! You're an immature little brat!" 

"Back in my day~" You barely dodge a swipe from one of his claws as he jumps as far forward as he can and swings at you. "Careful gramps, you don't wanna hurt yourself. You’ll break a hip or whatever it is you have."

He sneers at you and you bask in the minor victory.

You sit in silence; him with a scowl tightly pulled across his thin lips, and you with a smug little grin. So it’s not impossible to get under his scales. 

He’s a world class pouter, you’ll give him that. He doesn’t strike you as vain, but this is probably uncharted territory for him; actually talking to a human and subsequently being made fun of for his age. He’s probably not used to being mocked in any sense of the word, seeing as he’s a ‘non existent’ mythical creature. Maybe his kind are prideful, if a little childish. He claims to have existed for ages, but he still has the mannerisms you’d attribute to a male around your age. Maybe a tad immature and explosive himself. You guess some things don’t change with the species. Aggression, domination, and sex. And murder, in his case. 

Some things are universal, it seems. 

He’s making a show of ignoring you now, clicking his claws together in a subconscious attempt to threaten you. They are awfully sharp. You swear looking at them makes the gashes on your arm start to ache all over again. Occasionally the fins on the side of his head twitch in an almost catlike manner, turning toward whatever source of sound can be heard. It’s so strange to you, you can’t help but stare. He looks ethereal, even as impudent as he’s acting. With the backdrop of the ocean and the moon behind him, he looks like a painting that belongs in a gallery. You can’t stop yourself from leering at him.

You’re trying to ignore the fact that he definitely takes notice. 

He's angry at you, displeasure still slightly evident in his face, but a small smile crooks his lips. You've clearly offended him but your leering goes a little way towards soothing the hairs you've rubbed the wrong way. For whatever reason, knowing you find him attractive puffs his feathers- er, scales- with pride. Body language relaxes between the two of you and a few minutes of quiet follows. 

Yet, it's difficult to keep a pleasant silence when the company you keep is far from familiar. This isn't two friends relaxing on a beach; at least unless most friends are malevolent ocean dwelling creatures with an end goal of filling the other's lung with sea water. 

The lack of noise makes you antsy, almost like you're anticipating something but you're unsure of what. It feels false somehow, like you're trying to turn this isn't something it isn't; comfortable. No matter how his casual demeanor tries to lull you into a false sense of security, you have to remain vigilant. One little slip and he'll drag you into a watery grave- among other things if he was serious. 

“So… What do you eat?”

He slow blinks at you a few times before grinning, light glinting off his all-too-sharp fangs. “You mean besides you?”

There’s multiple implications to that, neither one of which you want to ponder for various reasons. Your panties are already uncomfortably damp.

“Yes. Besides us.”

Shrugging, he flicks at a small pebble on the rocks edge and plunks it into the water. "Same thing you would if you were one of us. There's plenty of fish down here, only difference is I can eat them raw." 

Your nose crumples and you stick your tongue out slightly, imagining him taking a bite out of a still-twitching fish. "Ew."

He rolls his eyes, brushing your obvious disgust aside. "If I recall, don't you humans have multiple dishes you eat raw?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, but it's different. We actually prepare it."

"Sounds like a whole lot of fuss over nothing. Your weak stomach just can't handle it and mine can, and you seem to find that to be some sort of bragging point. Also, don't you humans have a tendency to put things in your mouth that don't belong there?" 

“Didn’t I already tell you to shut up about that?” 

"I don't know, I'd say the occasional raw fish is a lot less dirty than a human male c-"

“Oh my god! I am so sorry I fucking asked!”

He cackles loudly and you realize that he's officially found your hot button. Even worse is he knows it. "I mean that's not to say we don't have our own filthy habits, but you guys are inspiring-"

"Dude! Make like a tunafish and can it! I don't want to hear any of this!"

"Oh? Is that so? Because around 10 minutes ago, you were half ready to rip your clothes off and jump in here and let me try you even if it meant your death."

"Momentary lapse in judgement. Don't get too excited, grandpa." 

He frowns again but seems less offended now that the initial moment had passed. "If you insist upon calling me a nickname pertaining to my age, I'd prefer daddy."

All humor drops from your face. How the fuck does he even know about that? 

As if he can read your mind, he responds. "A lot of you humans like to reproduce here. I've seen quite a bit and heard even more. Like I said, you’re absolutely filthy creatures.” 

“Ah. Yeah. That makes sense.”

“My offer stands. Come a little closer and I’ll show you just what I learned.”

“Creep.”

“That makes two of us, now doesn’t it?”

"I'm not the one bringing up sex every 3 seconds."

Hey, do you know how awkward it is to be having this conversation? With him? Right now? Do you know how utterly surreal this is?

“No, but you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

Your cheeks burn and you know it doesn't matter what you say. Your face is a dead giveaway. He knows it too, crossing his arm and arching a cocky brow at you. 

“And I’m the pervert, huh?”

You wrap your arms around your legs again in a subconscious show of defense. "Yes, you are. This is a natural response to embarrassing topics. Topics you keep coming back to." 

He shrugs again, his head fins twitching a few times. "I don't deny my nature. If I feel lustful, I act on it. Another reason you humans are inferior. You deny what comes naturally in the name of some form of... shame, is it? I have no bonds holding me back, while yours are pointless and dictated by some invisible and shallow form of ‘morality’ and ‘purity." 

He’s… technically right. Still.

"You realize you're saying this to the person you're trying to kill, right?" 

"I'm aware. Consider it a parting gift. You can feel what it's like to be untethered before I end you."

You roll your eyes so deeply that you’re almost certain you’ve detached the retina. “Oh, how very kind of you. So thoughtful.” 

"It’s not entirely altruistic, but it's better than I was originally planning. I was just going to rip you apart the second I pulled you in. Of course, that was before I got a good look at you. It'd be a shame to waste such a pretty thing without getting a taste first.”

It's a twisted compliment, but you appreciate it, at least as much as the circumstances allow. 

“Thanks…  I think?” 

"It's a good thing, I promise. I won't just touch anyone, you know. Most of your kind repulses me. I'm not an easy please." 

"Oh." Another awkward silence. "What makes me so special, anyways?"

His face blanks over, eyes hardening and mouth pursing in a tight line. He opens his lips a few times to speak, but seemingly stops himself. His expression flashes confusion, then rage, then apathy in quick succession. "I don't know. It won't matter for long anyways, soon you'll be dead and I can move on." 

“Not if I win.”

"You won't. I don't lose. Besides, I've already almost gotten you twice. It's only a matter of time before you slip up again, and I'll be there to catch you when you do."

"Put it like that and it almost sounds sweet." A smile tugs at your lips despite yourself. 

His face flushes and he looks away from you, expression contorting. “It’s not. Don’t twist my words.” 

“Spoilsport. Go eat a mackerel or something. You’re not yourself when you’re hungry. Or maybe you are. Either way, you’re cranky.”

"It's hard not to be cranky when there's a meal right in front of me and I can't indulge."

"Quit threatening to eat me. I get the point, it's just weird.”

His thick tongue flicks out and runs across those glimmering teeth and he just smiles. "Who said anything about eating?" 

“Give it a rest.”

He swipes a small amount of water at you with his thumb and forefinger. "Deny it all you'd like, you enjoy the attention." 

"Definitely. I love being the first human to be hit on by the world's first mermaid fuckboy."

A hybrid mix of a groan and a growl rumbles from his chest. "I'm not a fucking mermaid!" 

"Oh, sorry!" The sarcasm is palpable, and he scowls at you again. You love the fact he doesn't deny the secondary insult. "I meant merman." 

"Don't insult me. As if your petty, unimaginative fairytales could even come close." 

"You have a tail, you live underwater, and you're half human. Sounds pretty damn close to me." 

The look on his face is as if you just forced him to swallow something extraordinarily disgusting. "You have no idea what I'm capable of. And I'm not half human. You're half us."

Now that takes you off guard. 

“What did you say? What do you mean?”

"It doesn't matter." He pushes himself away from the rocks, his tail slightly flapping above the surface. "Besides, you were right. I am hungry. I should probably find something to eat for tonight, unless you’ve changed your mind." He doesn’t bother waiting for you to retort before skillfully diving down back beneath the waves.

You want to stop him, but he’s gone before you can think of a creative way to say ‘hell no’. The slight dash of silver hair makes out towards the horizon and before long, he's gone. As always, he leaves you feeling more frustrated than anything. 

You want to stay, to enjoy the ocean like you used to before he barged his way into your life, but it all just feels too strange now. He won't return tonight, you know that much. 

Heaving yourself off your asleep butt, you begin your bowlegged walk back to civilization, left with nothing but the ache of a cramp in your hips and a strangely heavy feeling in your gut.

[tatwaffel]

“Remus didn't love Tonks. Tonks forced him into a relationship. He was too old for her!”

Bullshit.

First things first, why do some people think Remus didn't love Tonks? Well, Remus is more of a background character. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot and lives very withdrawn because of his lycanthropy. But then there's this huge problem of Remus Lupin having no self confidence.

Why's that a problem? Well...

We had this wonderful conversation between the trio and Remus where he finally opened up a bit. He said marrying Tonks was a mistake.

But here we have to pay attention. Mind you, Remus has no self confidence. He thinks himself to be a monster. 'He had never fallen in love before'. He's scared and overwhelmed.

By saying he shouldn't have married Tonks he does not say in the slightest that he doesn't love her. He thinks he's ruined her life, spoiled his unborn son's life, made them outcasts.

I ask you, if you don't care about your wife and your unborn child, if you don't love them, would you care like that?

Remus clearly is full of regret but only for 'ruining' Tonks's life. Remus hates himself for that. And, being an outcast himself for years, he runs away. He panics. He's babbling here, clearly distraught. It seems like he left Tonks and apparated straight here.

So this is the scene that makes Remadora haters doubt. But, with all due of respect, if you really think that in this scene Remus finally admitted that he doesn't love Tonks, then you don't understand Remus's character at all.

Now we have that negative thing sorted, here some more positive evidence why Remus loved Tonks.

I'd like to refer to the article on Pottermore here, saying Remus was 'first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten' by Tonks. 'He had never fallen in love before'.

And this fits so well!

You have this clumsy, bubbly, jolly auror lass with the pink hair and large boots. She's constantly tripping, always up for mischief, bubbling with life. For Remus, Tonks is the definition of happiness. Happiness - a thing he's missed for many many years. He learns to smile again, watching her trip over the troll leg but still laughing, watching her morph her hair in a all colours of the rainbow or walking in with a beak. Despite there being a war, he can finally smile again. He found happiness in her.

But then, as they naturally go on missions (like it's said on Pottermore), he realizes that Tonks is capable. She's an auror trained by Alastor Moody after all. She could battle three death eaters at once and probably still win without being scarred. But he's not only impressed by that. He's impressed that she doesn't mind him being a werewolf. He's impressed that she still wants to spend time with him. She's so different from most of the wizard community. She's kind of a freak, really, just like him.

But then, feelings come. He finds himself not only smitten, but seriously smitten. Tonks is all he secretly yearns for. Someone who takes him the way he is, someone who makes him smile even in this dark times. He has fallen for the clumsy auror with the vivid hair.

When she told him she loved him 'after a year of warm friendship', his first reaction was a kind of happiness he's never felt before! He did not immediately start rejecting her, as said on Pottermore, that came later. His first reaction was happiness that the woman he loved loved him back.

Then there's the fact that he clearly enjoyed her company. Pottermore states that, despite his belief that he had to reject her, he still was happy every time he got paired on an overnight mission with her. Furthermore, they are together all the time! Usually, whenever Remus is mentioned in OOTP, Tonks is around. Whether as an old lady escorting the kids back to Hogwarts, or as herself at the breakfast table at headquarters. Coincidence? Well, you never saw Hestia or Emmeline that much in Remus's company, did you?

Oh, and there's this cute little fact of Remus being jealous. Before telling him she's fallen for him sometime in summer 1996, Tonks mentions that 'Sirius is still handsome, isn't he? Even after Azkaban.' And Remus's reaction is jealousy. He tells her that he supposes she's fallen for Sirius, then. Would he react like that if he wasn't in love with Tonks? Certainly not.

A chapter Remadora haters must've overlooked when reading the books was the one in DH when Remus came to Shell Cottage and proudly told everyone about their son. He's beaming and bubbling, which is nothing like the withdrawn and melancholic Remus we know. He's incredibly happy. He also speaks of 'Dora' pretty much, in a very affectionate way.

But second thing, Tonks pushed Remus into a relationship. What?

This is something most Remadora haters say. But, if they really knew Remus's character, they'd realize it's utter bullshit.

Yes, Remus is a lonely and sad man a lot of the time. He yearns to have someone who loves him, be near this someone. He doesn't like to be lonely.

However, he went away with the werewolf pack for about a year. Again, Remus Lupin went to life with the werewolf pack of Fenrir Greyback, the one who ruined his life, for an entire bloody year. An attempt to run away from his feelings, make Tonks realize she wouldn't miss him and just fall for another man - but most importantly here: Remus did manage to keep his distance tho the woman who he loved was waiting at a safer place than somewhere in a cave or forest filled with wolves.

Remus does posses a great will power. If he really didn't want to engulf himself in a relationship, a marriage with Tonks, he simply wouldn't!

Remus wouldn't marry a woman he didn't love just because she loved him and he wanted to do her a favor.

Just recently, I read someone saying that Tonks isn't a strong woman. She's clingy for chasing after Remus.

Tonks didn't chase after Remus. If she had, she would've abandoned her auror duties and left for any forest to get Remus back from the pack. But she stayed at Hogwarts doing her duty of protecting the castle.

We all know she suffered from depression after Remus started rejecting her. Her hair is mousy brown, she looks ill and sad. No wonder. In her eyes, the love of her life preferred death over being with her. How is that not heartbreaking? Besides, her cousin second degree and good friend, Sirius, passed away recently. She's pretty much alone now. And there's a war! She's lost Sirius to the veil, has lost or might lose Remus to the wolves, might lose her parents to the death eaters. This is all much to cope with.

But I ask you: doesn't it make Tonks strong that she kept going? She wasn't selfish and chased after Remus, she guarded Hogwarts because that's where the Order needed her. Plus, she showed her emotions. She didn't try to act like all was well. And that is true strength.

Tonks didn't cling to Remus, pushing him to be with her because she wanted to. Tonks could've had any man, actually. But she wanted Remus.

An important detail we have to see here is that Tonks's attitude described as 'clingy' isn't rooted in selfishness.

This is fiction, but Remus was a broken man. And Tonks tried to fix him. Though Remus said and thought the contrary, Tonks knew that he was indeed worthy of love. Tonks is not stupid - she realized that Remus liked her back. So why should she not try to make him realize he could and should be happy?

There's another thing Remadora haters bring up, which is saying that Tonks's patronus didn't change of pure love, but obsession. Tonks's patronus is a wolf like Remus's because she's obsessed with him. This is compared to Snape's relation to Lily, which is also (labeled as) obsession. Doe and doe, wolf and wolf.

Now what if I tell you that doe and doe doesn't work in nature? Wolf and wolf does. Remus being a male ought to have a male wolf patronus, Tonks a female one. Like it was for James and Lily aka stag and doe.

Tonks's patronus changed because she truly loved Remus. As already stated before, she wasn't obsessed with him.

Tonks didn't go into the battle because she was obsessed with Remus either. She joined the Battle of Hogwarts to fight alongside her husband. Tonks did something Tonks always does when it comes to Remus: make sure he's not alone, make sure he's loved, make sure he's protected.

Last thing, the 13 years age gap.

Well? Why exactly does that matter?

In OOTP Tonks was 22, Remus was 35. In the wizarding world, Tonks was a woman of full age. Five years over the magical line of 17 years, actually. Both were adults. Why is that problematic? When Tonks was born, Remus was 13. That even makes him too old to be her father! I see no problem in that age gap, to be honest. I only see a problem in the narrow minded people who keep using it as a reason why Remus and Tonks shouldn't be together.

I do not expect you all to ship Remadora after this and abandon all your other Remus x any character ships you liked before, simply to stop hating on Remadora - stop hating on any other ship. This is fiction, after all.

All of us are drawn to that one ship, canon or not, that fills our heart with indescribable joy and makes us believe in true love.

For me, that is Remus x Tonks.

[problemswithbooks]

Is Dabi a good character and easy to relate to in your opinion? Do you also feel sympathy for him after his reveal?

I'd say his concept is good, but the execution was highly lacking and it makes him hard to relate to (at least for me).

To be honest I sympathized with him far more before we had the reveal and got his backstory. I will admit that Endeavor's redemption arc also played a role--not so much as I think that Enji did nothing wrong, but that when I saw him being set up for that kind of arc, I knew that a lot of the really over the top theories about Touya's death weren't going to be true (like Enji purposely burning him or forcing him to train until he died).

Yes, Touya was neglected and Enji did not help him in any meaningful way. Yet, at the same time it didn't come across as purposely malicious. His intent doesn't matter of course, but it comes across as very different from what happened to Shoto, who, although Enji trained, it was clear he was also taking his frustrations out on. It's a lot easier to understand how Enji could convince himself that cutting Touya off from the Hero world would help him, even if that includes not spending time with him and putting all the work on Rei. Meanwhile, his treatment of Shoto was no where near being simply training. It's clear he full on beat a four-year-old, which would take mountains of denial to blind yourself to the truth.

Hori also hasn't done Touya many favors by refusing to show him having any positive interactions with his family outside of Enji. He gets mad and snaps at Natsuo when he says he's tired, he tells Fuyumi that a girl could never understand him when she shows concern for his burns, when his siblings ask him to play he's clearly not having fun and instead glaring over at the training building, jealous of Shoto.

It's not that I don't get where his frustrations come from, but I really wish Hori had shown a mix of interactions. Maybe he snaps at Fuyumi, but doesn't at Natsuo. Maybe when he's playing with them he's happy, but then he hears noise form the training room and is pulled back into his negative emotions.

But to me the biggest thing that sapped all my sympathy for him was the reveal of what happened to him after he burned on the mountain. AfO/Ujiko being involved made sense even if I think it's a waste having them be involved in another main villain's backstory. But what really turned it from boring but believable to "I can't take this seriously” was Touya going back to his house. It was a string of convinces, and plot holes. Also, having Touya wake up and be desperate to see his family, but then 20 min later saying 'fuck 'em!' because his dad was still an asshole, continued to undermine the idea that Touya gives a shit about anyone but Enji.

And sure, on a fundamental level I feel bad for him. He didn't deserve what happened to him. His father and mother to a lesser extent failed him. But at the same time I don't feel that sympathy in my core--it's more that I logically get that what happened was bad. It’s kind of like when a story piles one bad thing after another on a character in rapid succession in a clear attempt to force the audience to feel sad for them, but it just feels forced. My brain is like, yes that is unfair and sad, but my heart just doesn’t feel anything. 

To me Dabi is a wasted opportunity. He really could have been great--if you want any evidence of that just go read the many character analysis’s of him by the fans who love him. The way the describe him and view him, is the way I think he should have been written. My issue is that all that good stuff is either tiny nuggets hidden under a bunch of other stuff or even missing entirely. For a lot of people the shadow of what he could have ben and what little is there is enough and they love him to death. For me personally though, that’s not enough.