#claus hargreeves

[vile-wizard]

Reblog with the celebs/characters/things ppl usually mention when they hear your name for the first time ("Oh, just like ______!")

Here's what I'm working with.

[badkitty3000]

Coming Down Your Chimney

A Five Hargreeves x Female Reader Christmas Smut Request

Hey, I had an idea and I was wondering if you could write something about it? Five and y/n are married, they want to have their own children and that's why they're doing it like rabbits. Five plays Santa Claus for Diego and Lila's children, and then he fucks Y/n while wearing the costume. Y/n becomes pregnant, a Christmas miracle

Thank you, anon, I had a lot of fun writing this! Merry Christmas to all the Five fans out there! 😘🎄☂️

Warnings: Smut, mild breeding kink, Santa kink?, corny sexual innuendos, no use of y/n

The kitchen floor was a disaster as you glanced to the side, eyeing up the spilled wine and dried pasta that had been flung off the counter minutes earlier. It would be a bitch to clean up, especially with the red wine seeping slowly into the wood. You should really mop it up sooner than later to avoid any staining. As you were thinking this, your body was pulled roughly forward as Five slammed his hips against you. Your arms were splayed out to the side, your palms leaving streaks on the marble countertop as you braced yourself against another pounding. 

One minute you had been calmly preparing dinner together, and the next you were both hungry for something much more than linguine. Just one look from him; that one that made your pulse race and your panties wet, and you were both frantically ripping each other’s clothes off.

It was already the second time that day, but it didn’t matter. It could have been the tenth and you’d still be dying for him. You had been married a year but that hadn’t slowed either of you down. After Five told you he wanted to start a family with you, and you immediately agreed, the two of you had been going at it constantly. Unfortunately, it had been months and still no luck.

“Five…” you gasped out. “The wine.”

“Fuck the wine,” he hissed before gripping your thighs tighter. “You’re not going to be able to drink it after I finish with you anyway.”

Your breathy laugh turned into a moan when his cock rammed into you again. “Oh shhhhit…Five, I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. Now shut up so I can put a damn baby in you.”

With another hard slam, Five was bottoming out inside of you as your fingers squeaked across the slick marble again; the lower half of your body held firmly in his grasp with your legs wrapped around him.

“Don’t…don’t come yet,” you begged through gritted teeth. 

Five’s frustrated growl was low in his throat as he slowed his pace. Grabbing your hand off the counter by your wrist, he shoved it between your legs. With his hand covering yours, he worked your fingers against your clit, pressing hard and insistently. When you let out a loud cry and thrust your hips up, he smirked.

“You like that?”

You nodded with another high-pitched moan. “Yes…keep…oh fuck…” you couldn’t finish your sentence because Five had started driving into you harder, all while keeping his and your fingers pressed against your engorged clit; the rhythm of his fucking creating a pulsing sensation that made you bite your lip and close your eyes.

With one last, rough thrust, Five had you crying out while your orgasm washed over you and he emptied himself inside of you at the same time. With his hips stuttering against you, he made sure every last drop of cum was being pumped out. After he was finished, he kept you in the same position, not pulling out just yet. You made a move to sit up before he gently pressed you back down by your shoulder.

“Just one more minute, darling,” he said breathlessly. “We want to make sure we give my guys a fighting chance to get up there.”

You laughed. “Five, maybe you missed out on sex ed when you were a kid, but they will find their way up there no matter what, I promise.”

He shook his head with a smile. “I’m not taking any chances. I have a good feeling about this particular gang.”

After a few more seconds, you started squirming around. “Five, my back hurts, can I get up now?”

Five let your legs go and he took a step back, pulling out in the process. He gave you a hand to pull you up and helped you get down from the counter. He was still panting hard, his chest covered with a thin sheen of sweat and his dark hair a mess on top of his head. Strands of it flopped over one eye and stuck to his forehead as he smiled at you with pride.

“Good game,” he said with a swift smack to your ass that had a little more force to it than was necessary. 

You jumped and rubbed at the spot with your hand, frowning. “Ow.”

But Five was already walking towards the refrigerator while you admired his tight, toned ass on the way.

“What are you doing?” you asked, turning the heat off on the stove since the water for your abandoned dinner was about to boil over. You looked around for your panties and sighed when you saw they were lying in a puddle of Bordeaux. “Damn it,” you muttered.

When you looked up again, Five was standing in front of the open fridge, downing a bottle of orange Gatorade without taking a breath. As you watched in awe, he loudly gulped down the last swallow, stuck the cap back on the now empty bottle, and chucked it over his shoulder where it bounced off the wall and clunked to the floor.

“Electrolytes,” he said as a way of explanation when he saw your confusion. “Gotta keep hydrated.”

“For what?” 

Five pushed his damp hair off his forehead, the sight of his flexed tricep drawing your attention. “According to my spreadsheets, this is prime baby making time.” He stretched and pulled his arms across his chest like he was gearing up for a marathon. “Plus, I’m on a roll now, so I don’t want to lose momentum,” he further explained while doing a few side bends.

“Ok wow, naked lunges…that’s…something you don’t see everyday.”

“Gotta limber up. Don’t pretend you’re not turned on.”

You laughed. “Shouldn’t we eat dinner first?”

You let out a yelp when he blinked directly in front of you, grabbing your ass with both hands and grinding his already growing crotch against you. He shook his head with a devious smirk. “Fuck first. Food later.” 

Then you were whisked off in another zap of blue to the bedroom. 

**************************************

It was December, and getting close to Christmas when you walked in on Five having a heated conversation with someone over the phone.

“No. No way. Absolutely not. Forget it.” Pause. “Because it’s stupid, that’s why!” Pause. “You cannot use my niece against me like that.” Pause. “I don’t care if you think I owe you a favor after kneeing you in the nuts when we were eleven! Pause. “Look, the answer is no. End of story. Not happening.”

When you gave him a questioning look, he turned away from you. Just to be nosey, you leaned in, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. On the other end of the line, you heard Diego’s voice.

“Come on, don’t be an asshole,” Diego barked.

“Me an asshole?!” Five retorted in disbelief. “They’re your damn kids, why can’t you do it yourself? Or ask any one of our other idiot siblings?”

There was an exasperated sigh from Diego. “Like I said before…I need to be there or else it’s going to look suspicious. Luther is too big and dumb, Klaus would flake out and forget, and Viktor is like the size of an elf. So, that leaves you. Not to mention you’re the only one that can blink inside and pull off the whole ‘magical mystique’ part of it. Come on, Five…please?”

“Fuck,” Five groaned, running a hand down his face. “You do realize I’m not exactly built for this role, right?”

Diego laughed. “Yeah, I know, you’re a skinny little shit, but the suit comes with padding.”

“No! No padding. I don’t need to look like even more of a dumbass than I’m already going to.”

“So, you’ll do it?”

Finally understanding what was going on, you yelled into the phone, startling Five who hadn’t known you were listening from behind. “Five would love to play Santa for the kids, Diego! Tell Lila to bring the suit by and I’ll make sure he’s all dressed and ready on time for Christmas Eve!”

“What the fuck?” Five said to you, his eyebrows creased together in that way that always made you laugh. “Thanks a lot.”

You grinned as he hung up the phone. “You know you were going to do it anyway. I was just moving the process along.”

“I’m going to look like an asshole,” he grumbled.

“Well, Five, you are an asshole, so it fits,” you giggled before planting a kiss onto his mouth that was set in a straight line of annoyance. “But you are my adorable asshole who will look very sexy in a Santa suit.”

**********************************

When Christmas Eve arrived, Five tried to back out of the deal.

“No way…this isn’t happening…I told you,” he insisted while you just looked at him with your hands on your hips.

“Five, come on. You’re doing this and that’s that. Diego and Lila are already expecting you and you can’t let them down.

“I don’t care,” he protested weakly.

You gave him a soft kiss. “Five Hargreeves, you can pretend you’re a hard ass all you want, but we both know you are as soft as a teddy bear when it comes to those kids.” You shoved the Santa hat in his hands. “Which is one of the many, many reasons I love you.”

“You know, you’re very cute but you’re a giant pain in the ass.”

You nodded. “I’m aware. No go on, go get changed.”

Parked outside of Diego and Lila’s house, Five continued to sulk. When you glanced over at him in the passenger seat, you let out a loud laugh. He was glowering in his usual fashion whenever things weren’t going his way, but all while wearing a red-velvet Santa suit, complete with fake beard and hat with a little white puff on the end.

“Five…are you the Grinch or Santa? Come on, you can’t be that ornery, you’re supposed to be jolly.”

He looked at you with what you assumed was a scowl, but was hidden under the white polyester beard. “I am not, nor will I ever be, jolly.”

You sighed, starting to get fed up with his attitude. “Stop acting like this is going to kill you. Just shut the fuck up, blink inside, and try to be a decent Santa. Otherwise you’re going to have one disappointed niece, a very angry brother, and a wife that will not be going anywhere near your North pole later tonight, if you catch my drift.”

His frown deepened. “That’s not fair.”

With a shrug, you opened the car door and stepped out. “Don’t forget the bag!” you reminded him as you closed the door and headed for the house.

You had texted Diego on the way so he, Lila, and the kids were already gathered in the living room. When you walked inside, Grace ran to you and hugged you around your waist.

“You’re here!” The little girl peeked behind you. “Where’s Uncle Five?”

“Oh, he was busy, he couldn’t make it. He said to tell you hello and that he’ll see you tomorrow at the family Christmas party.”

“Oh ok,” Grace said, obviously disappointed. Then a smile returned to her face. “Guess what? We’re going to a parade later. My dad said we’re all going to freeze our freaking asses off, but my mom told him to stop being a baby and man up.”

With a laugh, you looked at Lila, who was busy holding a squirming toddler. “Well, you are being a big baby, Diego,” she said to her husband.

“I’m not being a baby and we are going to freeze our asses off,” Diego grumbled while carrying the other twin on his hip.

Just then, there was a blue flash of light and Five appeared in front of the fireplace, with his costume on and the bag of presents that you had made him bring slung over his shoulder. You could tell he was still not happy, but he looked a little less grumpy than he had been in the car.

Grace shrieked. “Santa!” 

“Wow…it is Santa!” Diego said excitedly before giving Five a stern look. “Hey, Santa…don’t you usually say ‘Ho ho ho’?”

You watched with a smile as Five’s eyebrows scrunched together.

“Ho. Ho. Ho,” he deadpanned.

Being six years old, Grace was immune to her dad’s or her uncle’s sarcasm and she ran to Five, jumping up and down with glee. “Santa! You’re real!”

“Of course, I’m real,” Five said in his normal, clipped and irritated tone. Then, after seeing the judgmental looks from the other adults in the room, rolled his eyes and deepened his voice. “I came to visit you because you’ve been so good this year and I apparently had time in my very busy schedule to just drop in for a random chat.”

Grace looked out the window. “Where’s your reindeer?”

“I had to put them down,” Five said dryly until Lila cleared her throat with an icy glare. “Downtown. I left them downtown for the parade. They needed to rest.”

“Then how did you get here?”

“Oh, right. Well, I have a backup engine on the sleigh. Which is parked on the roof right now, so don’t even ask me why you can’t see it.”

Grace eyed him up suspiciously. Then she poked him in the stomach. “Why aren’t you chubby like in the pictures?”

Five grinned and looked over at you. “Because Mrs. Claus has been very stingy with her baking these days, so I’m not eating as many cookies and pies as I usually do.” He gave you a wink. “Even though I love eating her pie.”

You tried to hold in a laugh, but it came out as a quiet snort while you looked down at your feet. You heard Lila mutter “Ugh, gross,” under her breath.

Grace’s face lit up. “That’s ok! We have cookies for you!” She hurried over to the nearby dining table and grabbed a plate full of messily-decorated Christmas cookies, bringing them back to Five and handing them to him. “Here! I baked them just for you.”

Five smiled as he took the plate. “These look delicious.”

“Oh, wait! I almost forgot,” she said before going back to the table and returning with an opened bottle of beer. “Here. I wanted to give you milk, but my dad said you’d like this more.”

Five looked up at Diego, who was grinning. Five nodded a thanks to his brother as he took the bottle. “He was right. Thank you, Grace.”

“So, Santa, I bet you want to know what Grace wants for Christmas, right?” Diego asked with added emphasis.

“Oh right! Yes, absolutely,” Five said, setting down the cookies and beer on a side table. He sat down in one of the arm chairs.

Grace immediately climbed up onto his lap, her little face shining with innocence and wonder as she gazed up at Five’s fake-bearded face. He beamed down at her and the image melted your heart. You started to imagine all of the cute moments like this that would surely happen once you and Five had your own children. You had no doubt that Five would make an amazing dad, despite his usual old-man grumpiness. He had been through so much in his life and he deserved to have a family of his own. You just hoped you would be able to give him one.

As you were daydreaming about that, Grace began rattling off all of the things she wanted to get for Christmas. With each thing that she mentioned, Five would glance quickly over to Diego, where his brother would give him a thumbs up or a thumbs down, indicating whether or not they had bought those gifts for her already. Five would either agree or make up some excuse as to why he couldn’t bring her that particular gift.

“And a pony!” Grace added at the end of her very long list.

Diego and Lila both gave very emphatic thumbs down. Five shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t bring you a pony.”

“Why not?”

“Because it won’t fit in the sleigh.”

“But doesn’t your sleigh fit all kinds of presents?”

“Uh, yes…but ponies don’t like to fly.”

“What about pegasuses?”

“Those aren’t real.”

“Yes they are.”

“No, they are not.”

“Yes they are.”

“No…” Five continued to argue through gritted teeth. “They are not.”

“Ok!” Diego broke in, clapping his hands together loudly. “I think it’s time for Santa to wrap things up.”

Five gestured to the bag of gifts he had left on the floor. “I did bring you some presents early. Why don’t you go check them out?”

As Grace jumped down from his lap and ran over to the bag to peer inside, Lila plopped the twins on to Five’s lap, one on each leg. They were really too young to understand what was going on or talk in any real way, but they peered up at Five and babbled away. Diego took pictures of the adorable scene while Five chuckled when one of them tried to pull on his beard. Five looked over at you and smiled warmly. 

After a few minutes, as Grace was happily pulling out her toys that you had picked out for her, she turned to her parents. “Ok, now you guys have to sit on Santa’s lap.”

“NO!” Diego, Lila, and Five all exclaimed at the same time.

You laughed out loud as you looked at their horrified faces, while Grace just looked confused. You decided to try and save the situation a little bit. “I’ll sit on his lap,” you said with a smile.

Lila rolled her eyes before taking the twins off, while Five grinned and patted his leg. “Well, come on over.”

As you sat in Five’s lap, your red sweater dress rose up a little over your bare thigh and he rested his hand on it, sending a warm tingling sensation up your spine.

“So, tell me…” Five said with a gleam in his eye. “Have you been naughty or nice this year?”

You pretended to think about it. “I’m not sure. A little of both maybe?”

“Hmmm…it’s not good to be naughty. Naughty girls don’t get presents.”

You stuck out your bottom lip and twisted a finger in his fake beard. “I’m sorry, Santa…I promise I’ll be a good girl from now on.”

Five’s hand moved a little higher up your thigh and he gave it a squeeze. “You better be. Or else Santa might have to spank you.”

“Oh, good lord,” Lila huffed out before grabbing the beer that Five left on the table and taking a swig.

“Aren’t you going to tell him what presents you want?” Grace asked as she busied herself with her new Play-Doh Fun Factory.

“Yes, tell me young lady, what can Santa bring you?” Five asked.

You adjusted yourself on his lap and leaned in so you could whisper near his ear. “I want Santa to stuff my stocking with his entire load later tonight.”

Five inhaled sharply, letting out a shocked cough. You giggled when he had to shift in his seat to avoid you rubbing too much against his junk. “Wow…ok…” he stammered before getting a grip again. “I think Santa can manage that.”

Making sure that Grace wasn’t looking, you pulled Five’s beard down, stretching the elastic past his chin as you gave him a sensual, opened mouthed kiss before letting it snap into place again. You heard Five let out a little groan under his breath, which made you smirk with satisfaction. Then you hopped off his lap, walking away with an extra bounce in your step as he stared hungrily after you.

After a few more minutes of Five chatting with Grace and making sure he ate one of her cookies and telling her how good it was, Lila checked the clock.

“I think it’s time for Santa to get going and then we can head to the parade!”

Grace jumped up. “Awww…can’t Santa come with us?”

“No, sorry kiddo,” Lila answered. “Santa has lots of other kids to visit tonight, remember?”

With a heavy sigh and a nod, Grace looked up at Five who you could tell was itching to get out of there and back home. “Thank you for my presents.”

Five smiled sweetly down at her. “You’re welcome, Gracie. Merry Christmas.”

Again, you got that warm feeling in your stomach watching how sweet he was being with his niece. Especially since you knew how much he hadn’t wanted to do this. He really was just a big softy inside. At least when it came to his family.

Grace turned to you again. “Will Santa come down your chimney later?”

You almost choked as you tried desperately not to make a comment or start laughing. You could see Five was trying to do the same, although he was looking gleefully over at you waiting for your response. Diego heard and shook his head, even though he was trying to hold back a laugh as well.

“I sure hope so,” you said with as much of a serious face as you could manage. “I’ll be up all night just waiting for Santa to come all the way down my chimney. Maybe more than once.”

Grace frowned. “He only comes once.”

“Oh really? Only once?” you asked with fake disappointment.

“Well, maybe Santa is tired or had too much to drink,” Five muttered under his breath and you bit the inside of your cheek to stifle your laugh.

“OK!” Diego yelled loudly, as he stepped into the middle of your wildly inappropriate conversation, shooting you and Five angry looks. “Time to get ready for the parade!”

As Lila was bundling up the twins and Diego was trying to wrestle Grace into her winter coat and boots, she pulled away from him to run back to Five. He saw her coming and crouched down to get at her level. His niece threw her little arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

“I love you, Santa,” she said and her parents let out a loud “Awww”.

Then she leaned in closer to Five’s ear, but you could still hear her. “I know it’s you, Uncle Five.”

You put a hand over your mouth to try and hide your surprise while Five looked up to make sure Diego and Lila weren’t listening. He whispered back. “How did you know?”

Grace rolled her eyes. “Santa doesn’t blink, silly. Duh.”

Five laughed and nodded. “You are so smart. I should have known I couldn’t fool you.”

She giggled and then whispered conspiratorially to him again. “Don’t tell my mom and dad, though. They think you really are Santa.”

Biting back a laugh, Five nodded. “Good idea. I wouldn’t want to spoil it for them.”

Grace gave him one more hug before going back to her dad to finish getting ready. Five looked up at you and you both grinned at the cuteness overload that just happened.

“Alright, well, I have to go deliver gifts to all of the boys and girls in the world, which is entirely possible to do in one single night, so I’ll see you later,” Five said as he stood back up. “You two,” he said, pointing at Diego and Lila, “You should appreciate your older brother more. He has to put up with a lot from you assholes.” He looked over at you and gave you another wink. “And you. You better be a good girl. Santa’s always watching.” Then he was gone in another blue flash. 

“Oh, shit, we have to go. Parking is going to be a nightmare,” Lila said as she checked her watch. She looked around the messy living room, noticing the Play-Doh that had already been smashed into the carpet. “Damn it, I don’t have time to clean up and everyone’s coming over tomorrow. We won’t be home until late, either.”

“I can do it,” you offered.

“Yeah?”

“Sure, no problem. You guys go, and I’ll clean up. I’ll lock up behind me when I leave.”

“Oh, you’re a lifesaver!” Lila gushed. Then she motioned for Diego and Grace to start moving out the front door, while she hoisted both twins up on either hip. “Let’s go, guys! There’s a spiked hot chocolate waiting with Mommy’s name on it.” 

As soon as the happy family was in their car and pulling out of the driveway, you were startled when Five suddenly blinked inside the house, appearing directly next to you, and still wearing the full Santa suit.

“Shit!” you exclaimed, a hand on your heart. “You scared me!”

“Well, I was freezing my balls out there behind the house, waiting for them to leave.”

You laughed. “Sorry about your balls. If there was a fire, I’d say you could warm them up by the Yule log.” You paused, thinking with a frown. “What even is a Yule log, anyway? I never understood that.”

Five grinned evilly and yanked your body to him as you let out a shriek. “I got your Yule log right here, honey.”

“Five…” you giggled as he started covering you with small kisses while the cheap beard tickled your cheeks and neck. Then you put a hand on his chest as you shifted your body, sliding up against something hard at the front of his pants. “Whoa…you weren’t kidding.”

“Told you,” he smirked.

“I knew I was being flirty, but I didn’t think I got you that wound up.”

“Darling, everything you do gets me wound up. But you were doing much more than flirting, sitting there in my lap, in that dress, and saying those dirty things. You knew exactly what you were doing.”

You smiled coyly, reaching up to unhook the beard from around his ears and take it off. “I do like the Santa thing, I won’t lie. But I never did like men with facial hair.”

“Good thing you didn’t know me back when I was older.”

With a laugh you threw the beard on the floor and planted a big kiss on his mouth. “For anyone else, that would be such a weird sentence.”

Five pulled you in tighter, the hard bulge under the red pants digging hard into your hip. “What do you say we head home and I can take a crack at that chimney for you.”

You pressed your body against his, the crushed velvet soft as it brushed against your skin. You ran your hands down his arms and chest. “I’m not sure I can wait to get home. I don’t know what it is, but you are killing me in this.”

Five looked around. “Here? In my brother’s house?”

You shrugged and reached around to squeeze his butt. “Why not? They won’t be home for hours. They’ll never know.”

Five looked down at you with a wicked leer before blinking again, this time taking you with him, as he landed perfectly seated in one of the kitchen chairs and you sitting sideways on his lap again. “How about you finish telling Santa what you want?”

When you adjusted yourself to straddle his lap, your sweater dress pulled almost all of the way up to your waist. You ground your groin harder into his, while draping your arms over his shoulders. With his hands gripping your hips, you pushed your chest against him as you leaned in for a kiss. “I’m afraid I have been very, very naughty,” you purred while plucking the red and white hat off his head and throwing it behind you.

As Five looked down between you, he saw what you were referring to and moved his hand to your hair, intertwining his fingers in it, while letting out a low rumble from his throat. “No panties? Fuck, you are so bad.”

“Can I still be on the nice list?” you asked, blinking innocently.

“I think we can work something out.”

At that, you were attacking his mouth with your own, smothering him in deep, urgent kisses while his other hand roamed under your dress to your bare hip underneath. He stoked your smooth skin, moving down your thigh and back up again, as he returned every heated kiss with just as much fervor. You wanted him. You needed him. And you were totally going to fuck him in his silly, stupid Santa suit like your life depended on it.

“Five,” you gasped in between eager bites and licks at his lips, your hands resting on either side of his face while you devoured him. “I need your cock.”

“Shit…” he groaned, jerking you closer and making your bare pussy drag along the soft material of his pants. “You are filthy today.”

“Are you complaining?” you asked, dipping your head down to suck more kisses along his neck.

Five closed his eyes as he tipped his head back. “Not in the least.”

When Five moved his hand between your legs, stroking you with his long fingers like he knew you loved, you whimpered into the crook of his neck. 

“Well, don’t stop now, naughty girl,” Five said quietly next to your ear while he sunk two fingers inside you and you rocked against his hand. “Keep talking.”

You lifted your head to look him in the eyes, the deep green of his irises gleaming with lust. Letting out little grunts while you rode his fingers, you clutched onto his shoulders.

“I want that big, hard cock of yours deep inside me. I want you to fill me all the way up with your hot cum. And I want you to do it now.”

“Damn it, you’re hot like this,” he breathed out, right before removing his fingers from you. 

You couldn’t wait any longer, and you began hurriedly trying to get in his pants, but the stupid suit was complicated. Finally figuring it out, you undid the large black belt that went around his waist and tossed that to the side. Then you unbuttoned the big red coat, opening it wide to reveal the white undershirt he had on underneath and running your hands down his firm chest. With the bulk of that out of the way, your hands dropped to the front of his pants, fumbling with the button that kept them closed.

Five laughed when you made a frustrated growling noise. He reached down to help you out, finally getting them undone enough to get at what you wanted.

Shoving a hand inside his pants, Five paused and held your gaze with a slight smirk. “Santa’s got a big package for you, baby.”

You tried to keep a straight face, but you failed and started giggling while Five’s grin grew wider. Your laughter subsided, however, when he pulled out his generous package and rubbed it against your wet slit. With a loud moan, you thrust your hips to move back and forth over his hard shaft. 

“Give it to me, Five,” you whined desperately.

“That’s no way to get back on the nice list, sweetheart,” he teased while gripping your hips and steadying you over him.

You let out an annoyed huff, but at this point you would do anything to have him fuck you. “Please, Five…”

“Five?” he asked with one eyebrow raised, just to be a jerk.

With a smile and a shake of your head, you played along. You’re the one that wanted to fuck him in a Santa suit, so you couldn’t be that surprised that he would make you work for it.

“Please, Santa,” you begged, burying your face into the side of his neck again, and brushing it softly with your lips. “I want you to shove that package inside my sleigh.” It was a pretty lame innuendo, but your brain was only half functioning at the moment. 

You heard Five exhale a soft laugh and you smiled into his neck. Then he was lining himself up and letting you sink slowly onto his cock. With a muffled cry, you felt him penetrate you as deeply as possible.

“Oh fff-uuuck…” you groaned out, pulling back to look him in the face again. 

With his dark eyebrows creased together and his mouth partly open as he concentrated on the amazing feeling of being inside of you, he managed to look even sexier. His hands grasped tightly to your hips as he started to move you over him. 

When you looked into his eyes, your arms wrapped around his shoulders and your hands on the back of his neck, you were suddenly taken over by an intense wave of love for him. Flashes of your life together flooded your mind. He had been hard to crack open in the beginning, but he eventually opened himself up to you. From there, he had to learn how to navigate a real relationship, but you stuck with him through all of the ups and downs. Even now, a year after your marriage, there were challenges. Being married to Five wasn’t always easy, but loving him was. 

You leaned in to kiss him, softly and tenderly, while your fingers wound lightly into the hair at the nape of his neck. His steady pace of thrusting your body over his cock started to slow as he reacted to your kiss. He gently traced one hand down your cheek.

“Five,” you said quietly as your mouths parted, and you rested your forehead against his. “All I really want for Christmas is to give you a family. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to.”

“Darling,” he responded with a small smile, rubbing a thumb over your lips. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You have made me the happiest man in the world, and nothing will change that. Kids or no kids.” 

With that, you let him take control again, thrusting his cock up into you while sliding your hot core back and forth, his fingers digging into your sides. Your deep, ravenous kisses were only interrupted by sharp gasps and whines as you clutched onto the back of the chair and tried to match the rhythmic motion of his fucking.

When a particularly rough drive had you pulling away with a loud cry, you pressed your cheek to his, your breath labored as you continued to ride him. “Oh god…you’re so deep.”

“I know sweetheart, but can you give me any more?” he breathed next to your ear. “You feel so fucking good.”

You spread your legs further apart, pressing down as far as possible, forcing his dick deeper, until it felt like it was going to stab you in the stomach. Five grunted through a clenched jaw as he put all of his concentration into his calculated fucking.

“Oh shit…” you breathed out, tucking your face into the side of his neck again. “Put a baby in me, Five.”

“Fuck yes I’m going to put a baby in you. I….oh, fffuck…” Five groaned huskily as he emptied himself inside you.

Your body gave in at the same time, clenching and shuddering around him as he held you tightly to his chest, his hips bucking up sporadically. He panted against your shoulder, his mouth pressed hotly against you while he moaned quietly with each eruption of cum that coated your insides.

As you both tried to catch your breath, you stayed wrapped in his arms with your head resting on his chest. Neither of you made a move to get up, and Five caressed your hair while giving you soft kisses to your temple.

After a minute, you raised your head with a dreamy smile and kissed him, brushing a stray piece of hair off his forehead.

“Maybe it’ll be a Christmas miracle,” you said hopefully.

“Maybe so. But if not, that’s ok too. I have you and that’s more than enough.”

“I love you so much, Five.”

“I love you too, darling.”

*****************************************

A year later, on Christmas day, you were back at Diego and Lila’s house, which was loud and packed with the entire family. There was wrapping paper strewn all over the floor, empty glasses and plates piled up on every surface, and the smell of roast turkey still hung in the air. Everyone was happy, stuffed full of food, and partly drunk. It had been a great party, but you were ready to head home for the night. Looking around for Five, you spotted him across the room, talking with Luther.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I think we should head home. Someone needs to get to bed.”

When Five turned around, he pointed to the sleeping baby snuggled up against his chest. “Too late, she fell asleep listening to her Uncle Luther’s boring ass story.”

“Hey!” Luther said with a hurt puppy dog expression. “My story about moon rock classification was not boring.” He paused. “Wait…was it?”

You laughed and reached for your three month-old daughter, taking her from Five while she stirred and let out a big yawn before dozing off again. “Come here, Holly,” you said quietly, kissing the top of her little head. “Let’s go home.”

While Five packed up the eight million baby items you had brought with you, in addition to all of the gifts the family had heaped on her, you watched with a loving smile. Who would have predicted that one impulsive, oddly kinky, but very sexy screw on Christmas Eve just one year earlier would have led to this? You had your perfect family with Five. And that was all you ever wanted.

After everything was put in the car, Five blinked next to you, wearing a devious grin and a red Santa hat on his head.

“Look what I found in the back of the trunk,” he said, pointing to the hat. “Want to try and give Holly a little brother or sister?”

With a giggle, you shook your head. “Very tempting, but ask me sometime when I’m not so sleep deprived I can barely see straight.” You gave him a kiss, your hand resting on the side of his face. “You do look good in that, though.”

At that moment, Diego came wandering up with a smart-ass smile. He gave Five a hard clap on the back. “Look at you guys. I can’t believe my feral little brother is all domesticated now. I never would have thought.”

“I’m twenty eight years older than you, asshole,” Five reminded him with a frown.

Diego shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. “Whatever. I’m still shocked as hell.” He turned to you with your little daughter in your arms, cocking his head to the side. “Are you sure Holly is really Five’s? She’s way too cute to be related to his grumpy ass.”

As Diego laughed at his own joke and you resisted your own, Five put an arm around you with that not-so-amused expression of his. “Ready to go, darling?” When you nodded, he turned back to his brother. Plopping the Santa hat onto Diego’s head, Five smirked. “By the way, Diego, your niece was conceived in that chair over there. And yes, I was still wearing the suit.”

As Diego stood staring dumbfounded, the gears in his head turning as he tried to piece together what Five was saying, it suddenly dawned on him and his mouth dropped open. “Wait…WHAT?”

“Merry Christmas,” Five said sweetly, right before blinking away; taking his new little family with him for the ride.

[lilacliquors]

day one: walking in a winter wonderland - steve harrington

day two: rocking around the christmas tree - steve rogers

day three: i saw mommy kissing santa claus - soldier boy

day four: dreaming of a white christmas - bi-han

day five: last christmas - diego hargreeves

day six: baby it's cold outside - johnny cage

day seven: christmas wrapping - homelander

day eight: all i want for christmas is you - poe dameron

day nine: santa baby - miguel o'hara

day ten: jingle bell rock - soap mactavish

day eleven: let it snow - tomas vrbada (smoke)

day twelve: the most wonderful time of the year - billy butcher

[aziraphaleapologist]

nothing is more the umbrella academy than a getaway van blasting baby shark running over a guy dressed as santa claus shooting at the hargreeves

[retirement-home-rumble]

Your Elderly Representatives:

Gravity Falls - Stanley and Stanford Pines

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Uncle Iroh

Muppets - Statler and Waldorf

Lord of the Rings - Gandalf

Dream SMP - Philza Minecraft and Technoblade

Discworld - Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg

Ace Attorney - Wendy Oldbag

Doctor Who - Wilfred Mott

The Magnus Archives - Gertrude Robinson

Batman - Alfred Pennyworth

Star Wars - Yoda

Critical Role - Chetney Pock O'Pea

Up - Carl and Ellie Fredrickson

The Owl House - Principal Hieronymus Bump

Just Roll With It - Old Man Earl

Splatoon - Captain Craig Cuttlefish and DJ Octavio

Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware - Dr Harold Coomer and Bubby

Jojo's Bizzare Adventure - Joseph Joestar

Transformers - Ratchet

Cats - Old Deuteronomy

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Splinter

DuckTales - Scrooge McDuck

Ninjago - Sensei Wu

Undertale - Gerson

Amphibia - Hop Pop

Golden Kamuy - Hijikata Toshizou

The Good Place - Michael

Back to the Future - Doc Brown

X-Men - Magneto and Professor X

Zero Escape - Tenmyouji

Genshin Impact - Zhongli

Five Nights at Freddy's - William Afton

Welcome to Night Vale - The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home

Homestuck - Nanna Jane Egbert

Kingdom Hearts - Master Xehanort

The Adventure Zone - Merle Highchurch

RWBY - Maria Calavera

Hermitcraft - TinFoilChef

Full Metal Alchemist - Pinako Rockbell

Miss Marple - Miss Marple

Skullgirls - Black Dahlia

Yu Yu Hakusho - Genkai

Umbrella Academy - Five Hargreeves

Golden Girls - the Golden Girls

Breaking Bad - Mike Erhmantraut

Dimension 20 - Bishop Raphaniel Charlock

Final Fantasy - Emet-Selch

Warrior Cats - Yellowfang

One Piece - Dr Kureha

My Little Pony - Granny Smith

Spongebob Squarepants - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

Stardew Valley - Grandpa

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power - Madame Razz

Bloodborne - Gehrman the First Hunter

Courage the Cowardly Dog - Muriel Bagge

Dragon Ball - Master Roshi

The Emperor's New Groove - Yzma

Mulan - Grandmother Fa

Death Note - Watari

Kung Fu Panda - Master Oogway

Christmas - Santa Claus

Plainview Discord Server - Funky Old

Token Tumblr Real Person - @theangstking 's cat, Lilly

Real Life Old Person - Betty White

EDIT: Results from all preliminaries have been updated

[stephsageek]

A master list of all of my tua and fallout fics on AO3:

TUA-Canon Compliant (General Audiences):

"New Timeline, New Me" (Status: Complete)

Summary:

Having landed in the new Sparrow timeline and having checked into the Hotel Obsidian, the Hargreeve siblings are finally able to take a moment to catch their breath. But in that lull, Klaus realizes that something is a little off about Five.

“Hey? Is it just me, or has little Number Five gotten taller?”

TUA-Canon Compliant (Mature/Explicit):

Stand-Alone Stories:

"Much Longer Than Six Years, Five Months, and Two Days" (Five x Lila. Status: Ongoing):

Summary:

Some people believe an affair starts when two people cross the line and become physical with one another. Five and Lila knew better. Looking back, this ‘thing’ between him and Lila had begun much longer than six years, five months, and two days ago. If either of them had been capable of being honest with themselves, they might have been able to admit, it had started from the very beginning.

TUA-AU (Mature/Explicit):

Five x Lila Series:

"Partners In Time"

"The Best of the Best" (Status: Complete)

Summary:

“Commission protocol states that all temporal assassins must be assigned a partner for no less than one year as part of a standard five-year contract. Now, I understand that Number Five is something of a pet project for you, but that does not excuse him from proper procedure.”

“AJ, you know me! I completely agree with company policy. But AJ, pairing Five with Lila of all people will be an unmitigated disaster!”

Straight out of basic training, and an apocalypse, Number Five Hargreeves has joined the Commission. He and the Handler agree that he would be most effective as a solo agent as he is still suffering from a number of apocalypse related issues including an aversion to socialization and a healthy dose of PTSD. AJ Carmichael however disagrees.

Thus, Five must contend with his new partner: rookie assassin Lila Pitts.

1.a. (stand-alone story) "Dead by X-mas: The SantaCon Job" (Status: Complete)

Summary:

They say that the holidays are a time of peace, love, and goodwill toward men.

Well, whoever ‘they’ might be, they obviously never worked for the Commission.

SantaCon is a roving, loosely organized event, which can only be described as a cross between a flash mob and if Sodom and Gomorrah were tarted up with tinsel. It is an event where people dress like Santa Claus, elves, or other holiday figures and parade around a city in varying states of sobriety.

There are fights, there is vandalism, there is drinking, there are drugs, there is dancing, there is nudity, there are pranks, there is stealing, and all of it is impossible to prosecute because everyone matches the same description; in short there is santarchy.

In other words, the perfect cover for a pair of temporal assassins out on a job.

You better watch out, you better not cry, because Five and Lila are coming to town!

2. "The London Job" (Status: Complete)

Summary:

After working together for years as temporal assassins at the Temps Commission, partners Number Five Hargreeves and Lila Pitts have proven themselves to be the best of the best.

But can these two legendary assassins survive their latest mission, the derailment of a major railway in London in November of 1967? And what will come to light when they find themselves unexpectedly running into Lila's birth parents? Will their friendship survive the devastating fallout?

A direct sequel to the story, "The Best of the Best."

3. "He Sleeps with the Fishes: The Hoffa Job" (Status: ongoing)

Summary:

Living outside of normal space-time, partners and temporal assassins Lila Pitts and Number Five Hargreeves, have been together for years, dealing with murder, mayhem, math, and the machinations of not only the Handler but of the board of directors themselves.

One day, our anti-heroes find themselves tasked with their latest mission: assassinate well-known historical figure and urban legend, Jimmy Hoffa.

How hard can it be to get rid of one washed-up, corrupt former teamster?

Turns out, pretty hard when the mob, a pair of hitmen, the FBI, and a jilted former mistress are all after him too.

Oh, and let's not forget the sea monster.

A direct sequel to "The London Job"

Upcoming Stories:

"The Kennedy Job" (2nd to last in the series) [I'm really looking forward to this one as it will address the body/DNA modifications seen in the comics. It will also include many conspiracy theories attached to the Kennedy assassination, not to mention our heroes will finally attempt their big jump, only to run into the LAST people they ever expected].

"The Apocalypse Job" (the last in the series) [This will involve what happens when Five and Lila make their big jump into the 2019 apocalypse. It will address Reginald's involvement with the Commission as well as the alternate timelines. Not to mention the fates of the other 35 children born on October 1st, 1989. This one will be very long because it WILL deal with characters like Patch, Sissy, Ray, Dave, Harlen, and Claire].

FALLOUT (TV SERIES):

(Ghoulcy)

"Ain't That A Kick in the Head" (Status: Ongoing)

Summary:

Lucy Maclean didn't know what she was getting herself into when she decided to follow the ghoul. He was a selfish scoundrel, a murderer, and a thief.

But he was also the only person on the surface who had never lied to her.

Lucy thought she didn't know why she followed, but the truth was, she'd known all along.

[perseephoneee]

meeting santa Claus. With Klaus from Academy Umbrella

meeting santa klaus (klaus hargreeves x reader) {ficmas 2023}

꒰ ࿁ ˙ ˖ ໑ happy day 9 of ficmas!

a/n: i forgot how much i missed writing for my baby boy. my favorite klaus (sorry mikaelson).

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2023

Much like everyone else in the world, you lived under the assumption that Santa Claus was a larger man with a long beard, rosy cheeks, and a jolly troupe of reindeer. While the reindeer part is correct, the rest of it is horribly wrong and something that will haunt you for years to come. 

You discovered the truth of the universe when a long banging, followed by much swearing, could be heard in your living room. It was Christmas Eve, but you had been alone since your roommates had gone home for the holidays. You were spending the day alone, not wanting to deal with family politics this year. This is why hearing any sounds was very alarming at this moment. Afraid of a burglar in your house, you held your phone in one hand with the finger over the 911 button and a plunger in the other. You had no great weapons and felt that at least you could whack someone with the toilet plunger. You tip-toed down your stairs, your heart beating erratically as you looked down over your banister into your living room. Someone dressed in a loose-fitting red suit was cursing in your living room as they struggled to get some stuff out of a sack. You snuck into the living room, plunger above your head, and were entirely ready to attack when the burglar looked up with wide eyes at your weapon. You both started screaming. 

“What are you doing in my house?” you yelped, jumping back as the intruder sat up. 

“Is that a plunger?” he asked, voice confused. On closer inspection, he was a skinny man with thin facial hair and kind blue eyes. He looked a bit eclectic, and he was dressed like Santa. 

“My house, why are you here?”

“Funny story, actually,” he drawled hands on his hips. He was wearing Chuck Taylors. You had never seen someone dressed as Santa wearing Converse. “I am…Santa.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, seriously, I’m Santa! Santa ‘Klaus’ to be exact,” he raised his hands in front of him as if in surrender. You pocked your phone but kept your plunger weapon up. 

“And I’m Krampus,” you deadpanned, not believing him. 

“Technically, my name is just Klaus, and my brother is Santa,” he laughed, eyeing your plunger with a small degree of fear. “In my family, one of us inherits the role of being Santa every generation. However, he decided he wanted a break this year, and I had to deal with it. I’m not first born or a favorite of daddy dearest, so it shouldn’t be my post at all.”

You listened to his story with wide eyes and a level of confusion. 

“Anyway, here I am, being Santa Klaus for everyone this Christmas, and I have to say, I have no idea how my brother, Luther, does it. He’s a huge guy, and I fell down that chimney. Also, I’m exhausted and could use a drink. Got any tequila?”

“I’m sorry?” You were wondering if you were still dreaming. 

“Tequila? I swore off the drugs a while ago, but I still consider drinking okay.”

“Prove it,” you huffed. “Prove you’re Santa.”

“Oh heavens,” Klaus threw a hand over his face. He looked around, exasperated, before flicking his hand. Suddenly, all the decorations in your room were floating, and the lights flickered in a rhythmic pattern. You fell back into one of the armchairs in the living room, mouth open like a fish as Klaus set everything back to normal. Oh, you had to be still dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. You had a clinically insane Santa Claus, sorry ‘Klaus,’ in your living room, and you were armed with only a plunger. A candy cane was waved in front of your face. You looked up to see Klaus before you, apologetic as he handed you the candy. You noticed tattoos running up his hands and arms—a tattooed Santa Klaus. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Y/N. I hate scaring people.”

“How do you know my name?” you whispered.

“I’m Santa; I know everything,” he winked. You unfurled your candy cane and stuck it in your mouth, brain trying to catch up with everything happening. 

“Okay, you’re Santa. Santa is real. Santa is not one guy but a bunch of guys. Santa likes tequila.” 

“Luther hates tequila. I just like to rebel across the system,” Klaus smiles. It takes you a moment to notice that his Santa costume is red leather lace-up pants, a red robe, and a classic red hat that barely fits on his dark hair. 

“Punk rock, Santa,” you mutter, taking a bite from your candy. “How is, uh, being Santa?”

“Oh, it’s going terribly,” Klaus sighed, collapsing to the floor before you. His hand was thrown over his eyes like an old Greek statue. You said nothing about his state of dramatics. “I’m so behind. I don’t understand how this has ever been done in one night.”

“Do you use magic?”

“Of course,” he rolled over, his head propped up on his hand. Suddenly, an idea came to him, and he rolled towards you. You jumped back as his hands landed on the armrests of your chair, trapping you in. He smelled like a mojito– minty but also alcoholic. Mojitos were your favorite drinks. “You should help me!”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re by yourself, armed with a plunger. I’m in need of assistance, and I’m lonely,” Klaus was infectious with how he smiled at you. He was like an excitable puppy. “We can help each other! Make Christmas memories.”

“Why would I be helpful?” you ask.

“Because you’re a helpful person,” Klaus says, matter of fact. “You organize the homeless drive every Sunday, don’t you?” You would ask how he knows that but decide it’s likely magic, and that asking would leave you with more questions. Instead, you nod, confirming his question. “You have a big heart; you’re perfect for this job.”

“I’m…human,” you mutter meekly. Klaus grabs your face between his hands, effectively shushing you. 

“Me too! Mostly. Darling, you’re perfect.”

You decide that arguing with the fake Santa that wandered into your house wouldn’t be fruitful. Plus, you had no plans for Christmas except reading a good book and drinking mimosas. You ask if you can get dressed, but Klaus assures you that what you wear is fine. Of course, you wear a robe with pajama pants and smiley-face slippers. You and Klaus left out the front door since the chimney sounded like a bad idea. You guffaw at the sight of reindeer in your suburban street with a cherry wood sleigh. Klaus skips over like an excitable child and gives loving pats to all the reindeer. He shows you the proper way to pet them, and you giggle as Dancer and Blitzen lick your hand and try to steal part of your candy cane. Klaus lends a hand, and you climb into the sleigh. It’s so quiet outside that you’re shocked your neighbors aren’t hearing the commotion. You’re even more shocked when they don’t hear your screech as you take off into the air. Klaus grabs your hand in comfort, and you realize you like his presence. He’s mental, but he’s kind and somehow makes you feel completely safe when you should be losing your mind. 

What Klaus has in enthusiasm, you make up for in organizational skills. He gives you a magic skull key to help sneak into people’s houses (it feels illegal), and together, you double productivity as you drop off presents. You even steal a few cookies and some baklava from a Ukrainian home as you go. The kids were asleep on the floor as you snuck by to drop off your presents, and you were afraid they’d hear you as you moaned around the taste of the dessert. You stole some extra for Klaus, who reacted like you. 

You went to so many different countries you had never been to before, and the smile on your face was permanent as you soared across the skies with the real-life Santa. You wondered how you were chosen for such a treat, and you still wondered it as Klaus finally brought you back to your home at five a.m. on Christmas day. 

“Why me?” you asked, turning to Klaus in the sleigh as he eased the reindeer to a stop. He looked at you, confused. “Out of everyone that could’ve helped you tonight, you chose me. I just…don’t know why. I’m not special.”

“Oh, but you are; you’re so special,” Klaus grabbed your hands, running his fingers over your knuckles. “And I just like you. You’re kind. I could tell from your aura the second you tried to kill me with your plunger.” You chuckled a bit at that. 

“Thank you for choosing me,” you whispered. You kissed Klaus’ cheek, exited the sleigh, and bound into your house. You watched from your doorway as he became nothing more than a beam of light on the horizon. Climbing up your stairs, exhaustion finally crept into your bones, and you passed out immediately in bed. 

When you woke up and blearily descended your stairs, you were startled to find a present under the tree. You were even more pleasantly surprised when you unwrapped it and found one of the reindeer bells and a note from Klaus:

Call me. Even Santas use telephones.

[siblingshowdown]

Sibling Showdown!!!

This showdown consists of 64 sibling sets facing off against each other, as well as a few one-off polls of sets who didn’t make the actual bracket but who I wanted to include in some capacity.  Polls will last a week.  Round One of section A will go live on April 16, with section B going live the day after, section C the day after that, and section D the day after that.

Propaganda is allowed!  I just ask that it be kept positive.  Argue for your faves instead of against someone else’s.  Every sibling set who made it in the showdown is there because someone wanted them to be, so keep it kind.

Will the winners be the siblings that love each other the most?  That are most capable of killing other sibling groups with their bare hands?  That have the most sibling swag?  It’s up to you to decide!  You get to choose the manner and parameters you judge each sibling set for.

Section A:

Edward and Alphonse Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist) vs. Seiko and Ryuunosuke Tanaka (Haikyuu!!)

Wirt and Greg (Over the Garden Wall) vs.  Han Yoojin and Han Yoohyun (The S-Classes That I Raised)

Shigeo and Ritsu Kageyama (Mob Psycho 100) vs.  Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long (RWBY)

Sans and Papyrus (Undertale) vs. Tanjiro and Nezuko Kamado (Demon Slayer)

Jiang Yanli, Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Cheng (Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed) vs. Hikaru and Kaoru (Ouran High School Host Club)

Vi and Jinx (Arcane) vs. Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara (Naruto)

Sokka and Katara (Avatar: the Last Airbender) vs. Maya and Mia Fey (Ace Attorney)

Vash the Stampede and Millions Knives (Trigun) vs.  Lucas and Claus (Mother 3)

Section B:

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo Hamato (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) vs. Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack Parr (The Incredibles)

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner (The Animaniacs) vs. Jazz and Danny Fenton (Danny Phantom)

Huey, Dewey, and Louie (Ducktales) vs. Sitka, Denahi, and Kenai (Brother Bear)

Dion, Frazie, Razputin, Mirtala, and Queepie Aquato (Psychonauts) vs. Skipper, Rico, Kowalski, and Private (Madagascar)

Eda and Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) vs. Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Rice Krispies)

Bonnie and Clemont (Pokemon X and Y) vs. Annika and Brietta (Barbie: Magic of Pegasus)

Candace, Phineas, and Ferb (Phineas and Ferb) vs. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls)

Nani and Lilo Pelekai (Lilo and Stitch) vs. Kai and Nya (Lego Ninjago)

Section C:

Maddie and Buck Buckley (911) vs. Steven, Shirley, Theo, Luke, and Nell Crain (The Haunting of HIll House)

David and Alexis Rose (Schitt’s Creek) vs. Dennis and Dee Reynolds (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Jonathan Byers, Will Byers, and El Hopper (Stranger Things) vs.  Prue, Piper, and Phoebe (Charmed)

Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Ben, Viktor Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy tv) vs. Mary, Billy, Freddy, Pedro, Eugene, and Darla (Shazam! movies)

Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain-Wayne, and Duke Thomas (DC comics) vs. Simon and River Tam (Firefly)

Elliot and Darlene Alderson (Mr. Robot) vs. Kara and Alex Danvers (Supergirl TV)

Connor, Kendall, Siobhan, and Roman Roy (Succession) vs. Sharpay and Ryan Evans (High School Musical)

Thor and Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe) vs. Sarah and Felix (Orphan Black)

Section D:

Maedhros, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod, and Amras (The Silmarillion) vs. Antigone, Polynices, Eteocles, and Ismene (Greek Mythology/Sophocles’s Theban plays)

Coronabeth and Ianthe Tridentarius (The Locked Tomb) vs. Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)

Nico and Bianca Di Angelo (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) vs. Declan, Ronan, and Matthew Lynch (The Raven Cycle/The Dreamer Trilogy)

Alec, Isabelle, Max Lightwood, and Jace Herondale-Lightwood (Shadowhunters) vs. Lark and Sparrow Oak (Dungeons and Daddies)

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire (A Series of Unfortunate Events) vs. Linus and Lucy Van Pelt (Peanuts)

Boromir and Faramir (The Lord of the Rings) vs. Bellamy and Octavia Blake (The 100)

Katniss and Primrose Everdeen (The Hunger Games) vs. Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy March (Little Women)

Kiryu Kazuma and Nishikiyama Akira (Yakuza) vs. Cain and Abel (the Torah/the Bible)

[eemoo1o-animoo]

Oh my god!! The art!! Okay so here’s some more, I think:

Demon-Os gets an intern either in season two or right at the start of season one (though I can imagine he’s added to ‘spice things up’ or something like how some sitcoms or shows do with adding new characters), which would be Snake. He usually keeps to himself and is really quiet, which makes it kind of easy for him to end up hanging around the triplets a lot.

I think there could be a scene a bit like with Kevin and the baggers from Mohican from F is for Family where they are in like the triplets’ secret space that they chose to show him and that’s where they are for the rest of the episode, and Sebastian could be cursing them because where the fuck are they?!

Eventually in the same scene Snake shows them pictures of his snakes and one of them (the gruff one — Canterbury… he’ll always be Timber in our hearts though) says “Bit creepy, innit?” — (Timber, the soft one) “I think they’re cute.” — (Thompson, the middle one) “I think they’re pretty decent.” And I think Snake likes them a bit more because he realises that they remind him of his snakes a bit.

The main child actors for the Funtom company / Demon-Os are O!Ciel and R!Ciel (and Lizzie), and their maternal cousins are Jim and Luka Macken (Angelina adopted them).

Mey-Rin, Bard, and Finny are also actors for the commercials, but only recurring ones.

Lau and Ran-Mao are executives, but also keep trying to push their all-new “Seaweed Crunchies” into the limelight.

It’s actually R!Ciel who doesn’t like Sebastian straight away, as he’s the main diva, main actor too, and O!Ciel is just his stunt double most of the time (like when the lights give him fatigue or whatever).

Eventually somewhere down the line like the middle-end of season one or somewhere around season two, R!Ciel gets badly injured (but comedically, if this is like a Dramedy) which forces him to step away from acting and, initially, spend all his scarce scenes during the rest of the season’s episodes in bed, typically venting to Tanaka or telling O!Ciel, a bit vehemently (but mostly out of passion to preserve his image) to be “The best Ciel he can be”, and as such O!Ciel takes on the stage name “Ciel” and no one really checked the credits for stunt doubles anyway so who cares where the other one went?

By the way, Diedrich is their manager/agent (moreso seen with the Mackens, though) and before R!Ciel’s injury the twins sometimes offhandedly mention “their daddy and agent [sometimes] wrestling” and, once, “their daddy kissing Santa Claus”.

In the latter instance Claude turns to Sebastian and says, “Are you sure that wasn’t you, Michaelis?” either to suggest that Sebastian has also done this before (kiss a ‘Santa’) or that Sebastian and Vincent have also been together — it’s up to viewer interpretation. Alternatively it would be a call back to a season or just a few episodes prior, or calling to a flashback, where something comedic happens with Sebastian kissing a Santa.

It’s also suggested that throughout the series, Sebastian and Claude have a secret (and genuinely secret in the sense of what they do and when they do it, but from a tension standpoint it’s not-so-subtle) in- and out-of-workplace relationship. Though it’s never shown on screen.

Sebastian also has the love life and libido of Klaus Hargreeves. Anything and everything is at risk.

As for the Mackens, their stage names are “Alois Trancy” and “Cort Trancy”, both German names (starting with 9 letters before their first initial) that Diedrich had actually picked out. Additionally, they keep pitching this idea of “Trancy Bran” behind the scenes and off set that only Ronald will pay them any mind over.

Alois and R!Ciel also get along like a house on fire and it’s scary. (He brings out the Alois in Alois a bit but when with Luka, he is still just Jim.)

They’re at first used for extras in the Demon-Os commercials (though Alois moreso than Luka Cort because of the whole ‘blond hair blue eyes’ thing).

They don’t get cast in Grim Loops commercials until this one episode of hijinks* where Grelle (who is suggested to dating Red at the time, which this is around season four or five where gay stuff was starting to gradually be green lit, and because F/F is easier to get past censors) had volunteered to babysit them (to appease Ann, this is made abundantly clear), and ‘realising’ that the they’re also child actors (Grelle told him), Will decides to book a day on set to make couple of commercials. This is also where ‘Trancy Bran’ is first mentioned.

* This episode would be a parallel to an episode just a few seasons before where the Demon-Os crew had to babysit the twins. Though, additionally, I can see an episode where the Mackens visit the Demon-Os (Ann is taking forever to pick them up, and it cuts to a scene where she’s out with Grelle or someone occasionally where she’s like “Oh I wouldn’t worry about it, they’re in safe enough hands for now.”), and Alois imprints in Claude but Hannah, who wants to prove herself to kids, is trying super hard to get him and Luka to like her too. Alois is far harder to win around than Luka. This also highlights the competitive and ‘frenemy’ nature of Claude and Hannah’s relationship, as Claude only finds interest in hanging around the kids to anger Hannah. Maybe there’s also a scene where they take Luka out to a toy shop or something while Alois is with the twins, and there’s a reference to that one episode in Friends where Claude and Hannah get off the bus bickering but then realise that Luka is still there sleeping and chase after it. Neither of them are actually that good with kids, they realise.

Eventually, in the same episode, I can see the triplets ending up with Luka (they at first stare down at him blankly) and either it substitutes the bus scene where Luka instead goes missing during one of Claude and Hannah’s arguments (they were tasked with looking after him for Alois) and they have to find him before Alois comes back (Hannah is particularly frightened because she wants Alois to like her — there’s a moment towards the end of this B-plot where Claude decides to finally comfort her and tell her that they will find him). After coming clean to Alois when he returns, they then hear him giggling and find the triplets’ secret spot* wherein they’re with him playing and doing silly cute things (like eating cereal from the box). (I think I like this one more.)

* Now that everyone from Kuro II knows (making me think that maybe Snake comes a season or so later), either Luka or Alois call it “the Trancy Manor” (it’s a storage unit-thing made up of a cereal box fort with pillows. Claude is always huffing because he can’t actually fit that well.) (Maybe there’s a few episodes / B-plots in “the Manor” and the boys all come to treat Hannah like Dee is in It’s Always Sunny.)

Concerning dynamics, Alois also asks, offhandedly, for Claude to marry their mother (Ann). Luka asks if Claude and Hannah are married (feeding the fraction of the Cereal Heads (the viewers of the show) that ship their frenemy dynamic).

The fact that Alois gets most of the spotlight as the main Grim Loops actor later down the line also brings more of the Alois out in him.

O!Ciel gradually gets more and more like the O!Ciel we know in canon because he takes the “be the best Ciel you can be” to heart, like a mantra.

‘Again’ as a reference to Friends, with Ross and that cookie scout girl, something happens accidentally (though, comically) between Sebastian and O!Ciel that causes O!Ciel to lose or injure his eye. Sebastian feels guilty even when he and O!Ciel argue over O!Ciel giving him a hard time.

In Grim Loops, the first season is filled with their failed scripts because who trusted the dyslexic one (Ronald) on the typewriter?!

Undertaker is also there (and flirts with Grelle a bit, sometimes), though like The Office’s Creed, most of the time. But he’ll sometimes, without fail, have these moments of seriousness where he explains why Holy Charms or Demon-Os will do what they do (sometimes with a “Classic” or “Oldest trick in the book” or even “Haven’t seen that one used in a while”), and why they’d do it, because he’s been around for ages so he’s seen all the tricks in the book.

Towards the end of R!Ciel’s arc in bed, he’s started to see his brother rise to fame with now one being able to tell the difference (he even wins an award in R!Ciel’s name — his father even gives him the family ring for a job well done). Once he is no longer bed-ridden, the twins’ (at first) one-sided bitter rivalry is first made apparent. R!Ciel also walks with a cane, now, too.

A branch of Grim Loops shut down leading to new workers, Eric Slingby and Alan Humphries to be working at the main dispatch, but a season later they’re gone.

Ash and Angela are also and brother and sister, but in the sense that Stranz and Fairchild are brother and sister in Blades of Glory. If you know you unfortunately know. (And in the sense of how the two are petty villains, also.)

There’s also this recurring theme of Demon-Os and later Holy Charms trying to invade the health inspector aka Abberline. (Whom Hannah is also dating. It’s all very convoluted.)

Also, in the penultimate season of the show the two hire the Double Charles, and the two duos do not get along that great in the sense of aggressively staring at one another in silence (smug silence, in Grey’s case).

Eventually, a fair bit after the twins’ rivalry is made mutual, it’s revealed that Undertaker has been getting Demon-Os personnel from R!Ciel and then feeds the information from both companies to Holy Charms, exclusively because he wants to watch all the drama (and his pension would be very good if everything went to hell and he decided to retire to avoid all the wreckage).

Towards the end of season seven or eight, the penultimate season, Holy Charms are finally shut down as the Double Charles were undercover cops. (There’d been and arc of Ash and Angela being suspicious of them but the big reveal doesn’t come until the very end of the season.)

Towards the end of the show, say like the third-to-last season, I thought that Claude would have a big build up to coming out as gay now that the show is officially more woke, but I think such a reveal would be better suited towards William for what I’ve decided for the last two seasons.

Now that William is out as gay, it’s made more apparent immediately in the next season how his rivalry with Sebastian is far more homoerotic than initially thought (also validating the Sebiam Cereal Heads) and slowly how Sebastian could also reciprocate. At the end of the penultimate season they end up getting together.

Now that the two are together, this (smaller than usual) season consists of them trying to merge the two companies into “Demon Loops” where they’d sell both brands as well as a combined brand and many reduced sugar options that kids all across the world will absolutely love, as well as plan for their wedding. After many bumps and struggles they manage to merge just an episode or two before the show’s finale: their wedding, and the speeches are all very cereal related and the vows aren’t without several cereal analogies apiece.

Modern Drama AU where the grim reapers are the CEOs of a cereal company whose mascot is a reaper. And the demons’ (and Ash/Angela I guess) are CEOs of another cereal company whose mascot is a demon. They unfortunately booked conferences for the same resort. They’re enemies. Oh no :)

[dazai-is-a-sweet-bean]

Me: I don’t have a type

Also me:

[mashenka-iz-skazki]

Я надеюсь, кто-нибудь читает😁

[onlyjolan]

The Umbrella Academy main characters as Billie Eilish songs

Number 1/Luther Hargreeves - When I Was Older

Number 2/Diego Hargreeves - Bad Guy

Number 3/Allison Hargreeves- All The Good Girls Go To Hell

Number 4/Claus Hargreeves - Bury a Friend + Ilomilo

Number 5/ The Boy - You Should See Me In A Crown

Number 6/Ben Hargreeves - Six Feet Under

Number 7/Vanya Hargreeves - Come Out And Play

[verityblack]

Why do I always read Klaus like it’s pronounced Claus — I know that it’s not pronounced that way but still my brain insists on reading it like that no matter how I try and correct it

Actually wait no looking at those words together I understand why it’s tripping up,, they’re like practically the same word, why must language be like this

[lilacliquors]

welcome to lilacliquors's

to ring in the holidays, it's 12 holiday theme prompts!

rules + relevant info below the cut!

unlike kinktober, this event is open to everyone and will feature 12 fluffy prompts to give us some holiday cheer

the 12 days start on december 13th and will go until the 24th, and because we only have 12 prompts, these may be longer than the kinktober drabbles

these prompts are based off of the songs they're named after / have lyrics from! yes it's cute and also it gives me a prompt to work with, so they'll be out faster than the kinktober ones <3

because we have only 12 days, i'll only write for a character once. i know we might all wanna see our faves doing every fluffy holiday activity, but we gotta share the love here

like kinktober, if you enjoyed a prompt and want longer versions, or perhaps you want that same prompt with a different character, i'll be more than happy to write it over the holidays!

i write afab reader only. however, with these being in general fluff prompts and not smut, there is a much higher chance they'll be more gender neutral

i will be tagging all posts with #12 days of ficmas, #ficmas2023, #lilacliquorsficmas, #character name fluff, and #character name ficmas so easier navigation or for tag blocking purposes

the list for my characters can be found here

make sure to check back to this post to see which prompts have been claimed!

day one: walking in a winter wonderland - steve harrington

day two: rocking around the christmas tree - steve rogers

day three: i saw mommy kissing santa claus - soldier boy

day four: dreaming of a white christmas - bi-han

day five: last christmas - diego hargreeves

day six: baby it's cold outside - johnny cage

day seven: christmas wrapping - homelander

day eight: all i want for christmas is you - poe dameron

day nine: santa baby - miguel o'hara

day ten: jingle bell rock - soap mactavish

day eleven: let it snow - tomas vrbada (smoke)

day twelve: the most wonderful time of the year - billy butcher

[blessynesthesia]

*reaction of the 3, I cannot 😂

[ibeuchu]

{Diego x sister!reader}   Nuthouse

summary: After escaping the apocalypse y/n and her siblings are scattered over time in Dallas. One day, while looking through newspapers she sees a note about very familiar looking loony being kept in a local nuthouse… 

note: I just wanted to say it’s my first thing i have ever written so I’m sorry for the chaos, also english is not my first language and it’s just for fun. Let me know what you think! Enjoy xoxo

11 months and 14 days. Thats how long ago y/n landed in Dallas after an impressive time jump. However, no matter how impressive this time travel was, after a harsh landing at the back of the shops, it didn’t take much time for y/n to realise that something went wrong. No sight of her siblings. Anyone. She cursed under her breath. Of course it couldn’t go right. Nothing ever goes right with her family. It wasn’t perfect. Imperfect to say is quite a light word. Not to say dysfunctional. But after all, it was her family. After all that shit with funeral, Vanya and saving the world she thought that maybe… there is small chance… a tiny chance… to feel like a real siblings… Again. And first time. Like a real family that actually spends time together and talks with each other because they simply like it. Not because their father died or they have to find an owner of some bloody fake eye. But just because they are a family. Nevertheless she had to forget about it now. After searching for her family for weeks she actually gave up walking on the dark streets at night and looking for any evidence that might gave her hope to see her brothers and sisters again. During the day she worked in a fashion salon. With her artistic skills she quickly found a job as a helper of local fashion designer. Not to say her „futuristic” ideas were warmly welcome by the extravagant old owner. Deeply in her heart she thanked her father for drawing lessons. 

Despite moving on with her life she still had this feeling that told her it’s not over. Something is gonna happen and her family is no doubt involved in it. 

It was 8:50 in the morning and y/n was just about to finish her breakfast, sitting outside the local bakery sipping her black coffee and nibbling her croissant. 

Five would kill for that coffee. 

Stop. She couldn’t think about them now. Now she had a job to do. And it was to search all of the available newspapers about new deliveries to the haberdasherys. She needs to know when to buy new fabric and materials before the opponents do it. She heard a rumour that this week that one small shop at the end of the road is gonna sell silk. Very limited amount so she must be fast. While wondering if short, pyjama like silk dresses are a go for she turned last page. Some notes about missing people, some notes of wanted murderers, some notes about weidros from the local nuthouse. But just before flipping the newspaper off her gaze landed on these weirdos. On one of them to be specific. And to be even more specific on a dark haired man, with deep brown eyes and a sizeable scar going just above his right ear. 

This can’t be…

Or maybe it can…

If I survived the space jump then maybe… 

Nooo you’re working too much y/n your brain doesn’t work clearly…

No, what the fuck! I may be the one they should send to this madhouse but I’ll recognise my brother everywhere! 

And this is him… It’s Diego.

Next thing she knew she was driving blue Cadillac to the address she found in a phone book. She left old Carl note about urgent family business. 

He’ll be surprised. I told him I don’t have any contact with my family. Well that wasn’t a lie.  

After what it felt like an eternity she pulled on a parking lot outside grey building. She almost run to the entrance and next second y/n found herself sitting on a very uncomfortable chair with her hands on the oak table. When she sat there she finally let her brain do its work. 

What are you going to do now huh? 

What are you gonna tell him? 

Hi, what the fuck did you do to be put in a nuthouse in 70’s?? 

Or maybe hey, I thought you died??

Any of those options suited y/n. The fact they weren’t in a good terms before Vanya’s recital didn’t help. It was all about the same thing as always. Diego wanted to be a Batman, y/n didn’t like the idea of her being a Robin. Especially when they had to work together to stop their sister from starting an apocalypse. It didn’t sound like a perfect time to play superheroes and villains. Nevertheless things got complicated even more when Hazel and Cha Cha killed this lady cop Diego was fond of. His maniacal will to get a revenge didn’t go well with y/n’s cold calculating brain. Yes, she was a bit like Five. But only a bit. She slightly regretted that her smartass brother wasn’t there with her. 

He would know what to say. 

Maybe not something nice and fitting the situation… But still.

Lost in thoughts y/n was fiddling with her fingers but abruptly stopped when she heard the chair across from her being moved. Man wearing white hospital like clothes was standing behind it. He sat down slowly. The scar wasn’t visible under his long messy hair. He didn’t say a thing just sat there in silence. 

What did you do this time? 

y/n asked quietly her voice not cooperating with her. She half smiled though her eyes remained serious. 

I was just… you know… messing around. 

He chuckled lightly, his eyes never leaving hers. 

y/n couldn’t get over how much he changed. Physically that is. On the inside he was still the same old Diego, she knew it. His eyes didn’t lose that sparkle and y/n knew he was up to something. She just didn’t know what it was. Yet. 

How long have you been here? 

She asked when she managed to keep her voice steady. 

5 months and few weeks. But it won’t be long. 

What do you mean? She asked curiously.

He leaned in, their foreheads almost touching. It was weird to be so close to him after such a long time. Now she could see every detail of his face. A few new tiny bruises. Little scars, almost invisible if you’re standing next to him. And few wrinkles around his eyes. Well we’re not kids anymore she remembered herself. She wasn’t the only one who was studying their sibling. Diego was in a slight awe. She looked good. Like really good. Not like someone who has been literally thrown into different timeline in unknown city without family nor friends and somehow had to keep her shit together. She was really beautiful, Diego thought. And she has grown up. She always looked very young, her facial features stopped her in her 20s. But now she was more mature. More beautiful. 

He stared at her for a good while totally forgetting why they bent down. 

Well? What are you planning? She broke the silence a bit confused.

Oh yes…um… I’m sawing bars on the windows. It’s a matter of days they won’t see me again. He smiled mischievously at her. 

Well she was right, Diego changed only on the outside. Inside he was still the same goofball as always. 

5 minutes left! y/n heard the guard yelling

She smiled slightly and went to pull back when a hand grabbed her own one. She looked up. Diego stayed bent forward on the table holding her hand eyes glued to the oak surface. She slowly took a grasp of his hands returning to face him. When she was back only few inches away he looked up. His eyes were no longer cheeky and cocky. Now they gave her a warm look. Maybe a bit sad? No, not sad… maybe… She couldn’t figure out what was hiding in them. There were some emotions she couldn’t really locate. 

y/n… She heard him whisper quietly 

Being that close didn’t help. 

I-I-… I’m sorry… for everything…and- 

She shook her head firmly. The last thing she wanted to do now was to blame anyone. Especially someone who was so close to her heart.  

No Diego, its okay. Really. Everything that happened… it was a hard time. She gave him one of her smiles that make it impossible to argue with her. 

She slightly hung her head so he couldn’t see the sight of tears that appeared in her bright eyes. Here it is. Unemotional y/n in tears. Great.  She felt someone rest their forehead on hers. God how she missed him. All of them. He gave her small bit of feeling like it was all right now. She felt his firm grip on her bony hands. She lost some weight and it didn’t went unnoticed by Diego. His overprotective brother instincts kicking in but what could he expect? She had to work hard to face this new situation, not to mention it was y/n after all. Always caring for others, never for herself. 

She looked up. 

If ,as usual, something goes wrong with your plan- she heard him chuckle- I’ll get you out. 

She half smiled raffishly. He met her gaze. Giving her hands a final squeeze he leaned even closer and whispered: 

I think someone here has a hero complex and wants to save others. He smiled at her. 

Now y/n could clearly see what was hiding in his eyes. Well it wasn’t even hiding. He was just happy to see her. The happiest he has been ever since some carless childhood moments. 

Y/n snorted lightly. You’d wish.  Here we are, things getting back to new normal. 

Finally she straightened her back. It was quite painful considering the position she was sitting in. She stood up and circled the table heading to the exit. She put a hand on his shoulder when she was passing him, his eyes never leaving her figure. 

When she was just about to press the handle- 

y/n.

She half turned her head.

Have you already talked with five?

Before her brain could process the infromation- 

…I...WHAT?