#chronic nightmare disorder

[redd956]

Ever since I was 5, I've been plagued by horrific detailed nightmares every time I sleep.

Due to having nightmare disorder for so long and early, I'm unable to properly lucid dream and free myself from the cycle of horror

My nightmares are too strong and varied for medication

My twentieth birthday approaches; twenty years survived not properly eating, sleeping, or existing.

And that's okay. I'm content. I know shouldn't be, but why stop a good thing.

I didn't have internet access a lot growing up. When I tried to see how other people were doing with my disorder, I was devastated to find people with less severe variants of nightmare disorder were at wits end, writing their goodbyes in posts.

What is torture?

Is what I'm going through? What I've always gone through? What I've always known?

There is no recovery for me, and that never hurt me until I've found the dead who gave up at biweekly nightmares with periodic versions of the disorder.

I get no breaks.

Ever.

Yet I'm content. Maybe it's because I know I'll never recover.

[dezertvideogames]

I love the Metro video game series and have read the first book.

It probably wasn't intended, but I relate severely to Artyom. I have chronic nightmare disorder. It's made sleep more than a struggle. The book descriptions of nightmares, recurring nightmares, and many nightmares with an ongoing storyline and understanding that one isn't exactly in the real world right now has made me feel seen.

It was probably never intended, but I love Artyom.

[beanghostprincess]

Now that I've been talking about Sabo's eye... I wish I knew how to draw to show you but-- I have a very specific view when it comes to Sabo's design.

I think he shouldn't have an eye, for starters. He should have a very fucked up scar and no eye at all. He wears a glass eye sometimes but it's funny to him to just... Not wear it at all. Also, Koala finds it disgusting and creepy the way he jokes about it but Luffy loves every second of it.

Not to mention that the scar isn't only on his face but pretty much all half of his body. But already knew that.

The thing is- I really, really, really liked him with that missing tooth when he was a kid. I loved it. He was adorable. And I think that he should get into a fight and lose the same tooth so Luffy goes "Oh! You look like when we were little!" and Sabo decides to ignore the thought of getting another tooth because it makes Luffy happy and also it looks cool. So now he has a missing tooth and he looks hotter.

So, yeah, missing eye. Missing tooth. Scars all over his body. AND! He can't hear from one ear. Right ear? It's alright. Perfect hearing. The left one, though? A fucking mess. And he often uses that as an excuse to say he isn't hearing things he refuses to hear, like, idk, Koala telling him to do his work.

His leg is also a bit too messed up and sometimes he has difficulty walking. Which isn't a problem anymore when he eats the Mera Mera fruit, but it still bothers him. So the metal pipe is mostly to beat the shit out of people but also to walk. It's just that nobody knows that bit.

Also, random outfits I found on pinterest that I imagine Sabo wearing because my mind has no limits:

[somelonelywordmonger]

Me, with chronic pain, chronic illness, chronic fatigue, pda autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, several disruptive parasomnias, and am also queer: "This is Fine™"

Me, with all of the above and watching the X-Men films in chronological order: "My mutation is strong AF!"

[spookietrex]

I don't mean to be so mean. My head just isn't a nice place to be.

[alphacrone]

"health is the most important thing" they'll say and then get mad at you for relying on medication

[dirt-grub]

Yea I didn’t rly acknowledge it continuing off that post you need to be normal about people who do drugs recreationally as well as addicts especially if you’re a self proclaimed leftist

[frostbitejump]

Rest is a lie sold to you by the government.

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

Not that anyone new has followed me in the last week but I like imagining their hypothetical confusion at what I post. It’s like

Oh, here’s a sad and vaguely relatable quote, then

Omg look at this Mouthwashing fanart!! Then

Holy FUCK I am in so much pain I can’t wait to be CUT OPEN. then

Yay a billionaire died!! I want to fuck the killer 😏 then

Guys I haven’t slept in days. The nightmares…I see them in my waking life…then

Stuff about disability and queer activism!! Look at me I’m a proud trans masc enby!! Trans women are women!! Then

I haven’t eaten in 53 hours and I’m STILL FAT and then

✨lesbians✨

[redd956]

Having nightmare disorder, there was no bigger twist of the knife, then discovering other people have it in intervals as well as have sporadic nightmares throughout a month.

They can be plagued by nightmares for a month or two, and then it's gone for another month, then it comes back.

I have had nightmares, vivid, violent, and eldritch beyond my compression since I was five, every single night.

You're telling me there's people out there who have nightmares a few times a week throughout a month, and then they get a break.

[spearmint333]

2 DAYS IN A ROW 😭😭😭😭 it’s 5:55am and I just reflexively punched everything off my fucking nightstand as I woke up bro 😭 istg I’m so fucking sick of this shit.

Also there was a cool dreams that felt like an scp type deal, a big cave that appears on coastlines with walls full of huge randomized human teeth and gums, nobody knows how far it goes and it doesn’t seem to follow any geographical limits from the outside world. From outside u can’t even see the interior very well, and if u enter it u are stuck in another dimension of infinite teeth tunnels. From an outside perspective once someone enters the tunnel they forget that person ever existed along with the existence of the tunnel. Kinda cool lol

[thyroiddiseasediaries]

The nightmares are the worst part.

I can’t explain why.

But sleep should be one of the only safe havens we have from this life.

So when that gets corrupted and you’re exhausted but afraid to sleep and be trapped in a living hell you can’t shake when you wake up?

I’m not gonna lie, it makes you want to die.

I need a break, I need rest. But instead I’m on Instagram at 4am because I’m trying to shake the feeling of being trapped in an Alice in Wonderland hellscape where everything around me serves only to torment me.

It’s completely out of my control, and I wake up in a cold sweat, afraid to close my eyes again.

But I’m in pain, and exhausted.

So I have no choice, I have to try to sleep.

Wish me luck on my next attempt.

🖤

[pplatonic]

Unfortunately I have to turn off asks because random strangers keep sending me charity/donation solicitations which spiral my moral OCD and paranoia/delusional thinking. So if you want to talk to me just DM me instead (discord is an option too, send me your usernames in DMs if you prefer that.)

[queer-boo-radley]

Having chronic nightmares as an adult is so fucking stupid and embarrassing like hey baby wanna come spend the night and get woken up by me screaming my goddamn head off because I dreamt everyone I love abandoned me to get my throat ripped out by a monster? You can be the big spoon!

[the-silent-hashira]

having PMDD is probably the worst thing i can think of that i have because everything else will be FINE and then i spend a week wondering why reality is so wonky and why i cant sleep and im reminded afab bodies are literally just. fucking SHIT