#chronic advice

[800-dick-pics]

Black History Month Isn't Over Just Yet, Help Me Get a Wheelchair!!!

I am a Black Chronically ill/Disabled Lesbian. I have been a mobility aid user for over a decade, and with my most recent illness flare and health set back, I desperately need a wheelchair. I have put off getting a wheelchair for years but my health is to a point where I need a wheelchair to function outside the house or I cant leave my house at all. Being stuck inside my house has done a toll on my mentally, and has prevented me from having consistent meaningful employment.

I have been saving for a wheelchair but I am nowhere close enough to buy the wheelchair I need, new adaptive tech, and the 2 ramps I need for my home. I am hoping to cr*wdfund for just the price of the chair not the ramps or adaptive tech. I need 1,120 to cover the cost of the chair.

CA: $sleepyhen

VN: wildwotko

DM: for PayPl

If you can help I would deeply appreciate it! Getting this chair would mean that I can leave my home safely, regain meaningful employment and see some of my aging elders again!

[toothtalk]

a neurodivergent spoonie's guide to having teeth

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. This does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services. Information on this blog should NOT be used for diagnostics or treating a health problem. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified dental health provider regarding diagnosis and treatment of a dental condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.

this is as close to a comprehensive guide to dental care as i can make. i'm autistic/adhd/ocd/chronically ill and i've worked in dentistry for several years. i want to use my knowledge to help other spoonies struggling with dental care. i know it can be really hard, but dental health is so important and we deserve healthy mouths just as much as NT/abled folks!!

being neurodivergent and/or chronically ill can make personal care tasks incredibly difficult. so many of us struggle with washing our hair, getting dressed, and cleaning up. but remember: hair will grow back if it's damaged, clothes can be washed when they smell bad, and a dirty house can be made clean again, but we only have one set of teeth to last our whole lives. those pearly whites are worth taking care of!

these tips are based on feedback/questions i've gotten from ND folks on tumblr and facebook, patients at the practices i've worked in, and my own experience. standard disclaimer that this information will not be applicable to every single person, just take what works for you and pass the rest on to the next person. i am also a resource for further information. this is going to be pretty rapidfire, so if you want me to elaborate on anything or have a question about something i didn't address in this post, my askbox is open and anon is enabled. i love talking about teeth and i would love to help my fellow spoonies take care of theirs!

without further ado:

on homecare:

any dental professional will tell you that having good oral health starts at home. taking care of our teeth can be incredibly difficult when our spoons are low, so i've made a list of strategies to make it easier.

best practice is to brush twice per day and floss once per day. this may not be realistic for those of us who struggle with habits and/or executive dysfunction. if you can only remember to brush once per day, brushing at night is the most important.

the ideal order of operations is floss, tongue scrape, mouthwash, then brush. but flossing and brushing are the most important steps in the routine.

brushing your teeth in the shower is perfectly acceptable! personally, i keep one toothbrush in the shower and one on the sink to maximize my opportunities to brush.

if you don't have the energy to floss, a toothbrush with fine bristles like this one is a good compromise.

you should replace your toothbrush or electric brush head every three months. the bristles get worn down and become less effective over time. set a recurring event on your phone calendar to keep track!

if you find it difficult to brush your teeth at all, use a washcloth to gently scrub your teeth until you feel that you've gotten the film off, then use a fluoride mouthwash. they also make single-use waterless toothbrushes like these. i like to keep them on my nightstand for really bad days when i can't even get myself to the bathroom to brush.

this is an excellent guide on proper brushing technique.

an electric toothbrush is an excellent investment. even a cheap one at the grocery store is a huge step above a manual toothbrush. personally, i love quip because they're more affordable than brands like sonicare, and they send you replacement brush heads on a regular basis.

be careful not to brush too aggressively; your brush should glide gently over the surface of your teeth. if you feel a lot of friction, lighten your pressure. brushing too hard can wear away your enamel and damage your gums.

if the mint flavor in toothpaste triggers sensory discomfort, try kids' toothpaste! it has less fluoride than adult toothpaste, but it's still miles better than not brushing at all.

mouthwash is used to neutralize bacteria on soft tissues. use an antibacterial or fluoride mouthwash for healthy gums and strong enamel. listerine original is the best, but they have lots of varieties including gum health, alcohol-free, and many more.

whenever possible, use a straw to drink soda or coffee so it doesn't touch your teeth, and rinse with water after you drink it. try to not sip sugary drinks throughout the day. switching to sugar-free beverages will make a huge difference in cavity prevention.

if you have any gaps between teeth, an interdental brush will help you keep the areas between those teeth clean and prevent decay.

i like to keep a package of floss picks in the living room so that i can floss while i watch tv. the best time to floss is right before you brush your teeth, but there is no bad time to floss.

this video shows proper flossing technique. this video shows proper technique when using floss picks.

dry mouth is a lesser-known cause of cavities. saliva protects your teeth from decay, so when you don't produce enough of it, you're at higher risk. dry mouth rinses like this one are a great defense against this!

remember, something is always better than nothing. brushing once a day is better than not brushing at all. flossing once a week is better than not flossing at all. be gentle with yourself.

on finding a dental provider:

finding a new provider and making an appointment can be confusing and overwhelming when we have low executive function. there are some ways to make it just a bit easier.

if you have insurance, they likely have a tool on their website to find providers in your network. you can usually find this information on your insurance card. this should narrow down your options considerably.

the absolute best thing you can do is find a supportive provider who you can open up to about your struggles with dental care. look up your options on google reviews and ctrl+f "anxiety". if these anxious patients have a good experience, it's more likely you will too.

you can ask for recommendations in your local community's facebook group or subreddit, both of which offer anonymity. specify your needs in your post. chances are, other people in your community have similar needs, and can help you find the right people to meet those needs.

a few people expressed that they avoid the dentist because of a family history of poor dental health, and the fear of having the same problems. i want to assure you that, while dental health does have a genetic component, it is far from the only factor. the most effective thing you can do to prevent dental issues is to go in for regular maintenance. prevention is the gold standard in dentistry.

a lot of us struggle with making phone calls. luckily, it's becoming increasingly common for practices to allow online booking and communication via email. look for these options on a practice's website!

if fear or executive dysfunction is getting in your way, phone a friend for help. sometimes things that are hard for us aren't as difficult for others. maybe your roommate can call the office for you. maybe your sister can drive you to your appointment. don't be afraid to lean on your village.

in the dental office:

a big issue with dental offices is that they are basically a sensory nightmare. while it's never going to be fully comfortable, there are some things you can do to make your experience more tolerable.

be open and honest with your dental providers. if you smoke, tell them (this includes cannabis; they cannot report you for cannabis use even if you're not in a legal state). if you've never flossed before, tell them. their job is to help you, not shame you. if a provider makes you feel ashamed, stop seeing them.

so many people have mentioned they're embarrassed about their anxiety and sensory struggles in the dental office. let me assure you that your providers see so many anxious patients every single day. they're used to it, and they're not going to be judging you. to help illustrate this, i'm going to cite some examples of patients from my practice and the ways we help them manage their anxiety and sensory struggles.

probably the most common concern among patients in our practice is a fear of the numbing injection. i have a pretty severe phobia of needles myself. our dental assistants are well-trained to manage this fear. they distract patients during the shot, and help them breathe through the anxiety before and after. this training is part of the dental assistant certification process, so it should be relatively universal.

you can bring a comfort item with you. be it a stuffed animal, a video game, a book, even a comforting person who can sit with you.

you know that lead vest that they lay on you when they take xrays? you can ask to wear that during your whole visit. it acts like a weighted blanket and it feels so nice and comforting. we have a few patients who do this at my practice.

headphones or earplugs are a lifesaver to drown out all the horrible sounds. i literally refuse to get a cleaning without them. there's even a hygienist at my practice that wears earplugs while she's working because the sound of the cavitron bothers her. there's no shame in it whatsoever.

if your practice offers it, nitrous oxide is a great option for anxiety. most people know it as laughing gas. it puts you in a dreamlike state so you're more or less unaware of what's going on. no joke, this stuff had me so relaxed i fully fell asleep while getting a root canal. you can even get it when you get your cleanings!

a lot of our patients request a specific doctor, dental assistant, and hygienist for their appointments. this is incredibly common. if you find someone that makes you feel safe, let the scheduling staff know that you'd like to see that person each time you come in.

dress comfy. there's no dress code for the dental office; show up in sweatpants if you want.

remember at the end of the day, your dental providers are not there to judge you if you don't have perfect homecare. their ultimate goal is to get your mouth healthy no matter your starting place. i can't speak for every dentist obviously, but the dentists at my practice are incredibly patient and sympathetic and have nothing but their patients' best interests in mind.

again: if you feel disrespected or shamed by your provider, find a new one who will be compassionate with you. you don't owe any provider loyalty, even if you've been going there since you were a toddler.

on recovery:

one of the hardest things to do is build healthy habits when you're starting from an unhealthy place. if you're dealing with poor dental health, getting your mouth healthy again can seem impossibly daunting. i'm here to tell you it is possible, but it takes work.

it starts in the dental chair. your provider should communicate what treatment is the highest priority, and they will start there. rather than overwhelming yourself with the big picture, focus your attention on the next step.

things like root canals, crowns, and periodontal treatment can be very expensive. unfortunately, in the united states at least, dental insurance is quite lacking across the board. if expenses are a concern, dental schools are a great option for having treatment done at a low cost. keep in mind that treatment will often take significantly longer due to the dentists being supervised students.

my job in the practice is treatment coordinator. this means that i work one-on-one with my patients to help them understand their treatment plans and make the process as easy and comfortable as possible for them. ask your practice if they have a treatment coordinator. if they don't, suggest that they create the role, and reach out to me here. my dream is to be able to help people manage their oral health. i will be a resource to anyone that doesn't have a treatment coordinator available to help you navigate your course of treatment.

any restorative work (fillings, crowns, etc.) that you have done has to be cared for, just like virgin teeth. cavities can still form underneath fillings and crowns. make sure you are keeping your regular hygiene appointments, and use the above strategies to effectively care for your restorations at home.

if you have a lot of treatment to work through, it may take a long time. we have patients that have spent 2-3 years working through their treatment plans with us. this can feel daunting and depressing. but remember, it's not forever. the majority of these patients who continue to see us for regular visits only have 1-2 new cavities at a time, if anything, once we finish their initial work.

there are very few dental problems that cannot be fixed. cavities can be filled, crowns placed, root canals done to save teeth that are severely decayed. gum disease cannot be cured, but it can be very effectively managed. i see patients all the time that come in expecting to lose all their teeth and need dentures, only to be relieved when we tell them only a few teeth are truly not restorable.

my job revolves around patient education, and it's always shocking to me how little we are taught about caring for our teeth. please be kind to yourselves; it is NOT your fault for not knowing or having the resources to take care of them yourself. once again, my askbox is open and anon is enabled if you have more questions after reading this guide.

[incorrectbatfam]

One thing I rarely see in injury and chronic pain fics is the grief that comes with missing out on stuff you love because you can no longer do them without hurting yourself. Writers who have been disabled their whole lives (or at least a long time) tend to forget that not all disabled people are used to being disabled. For able-bodied characters, especially athletic ones like vigilantes, a serious injury could mean a jarring change that includes giving up the things that mean the most to them.

I was physically fine until I was 18. Back then, my sense of self was entwined with interests that required a lot of movement and dexterity. I started doing MMA in middle school for self-defense. I loved parkour and even had a few hundred subscribers on my old YouTube channel. I learned to shoot and was gifted my first gun when I was 16. I took up multiple instruments. You get the idea.

My motorcycle accident fucked up the joints on my left side—my knee and shoulder especially, but also wrist to an extent. When it first happened, I thought I'd be on crutches for a bit but things would eventually get back to normal. The pain didn't go away even after I got rid of the crutches but I figured it was just residual and I should do what I'd been doing before. It's why I turned to substances—to block the pain and do what I love, but that's another topic. I didn't recognize my injury as a disabling thing until the end of the pandemic, when I put my parkour channel on an indefinite hiatus because it was seriously wearing my body down. It might sound silly to you but I was devastated. It's like if Spider-Man wasn't allowed to swing from buildings. It took me a long time to make peace with losing that part of me.

Another piece of that grief is even when you can do stuff, it's not the same because you have to exclude certain aspects of it for your own health. It's like the Robin that died and came back wrong. I can't use certain gym equipment and I have to tell my sparring partners what to avoid. I don't go to the shooting range much now because I can't extend my arm and hold a rifle for the amount of time it takes to aim without it starting to hurt. I'm a drummer, but I need breaks throughout the setlist and I can't do anything too fast or complex with the pedals, which means I can't play some of my favorite songs and my band is limited in what we write and perform. I can't take my motorcycle on road trips without frequent rest stops. Making accommodations helps physically, but emotionally, they're not always easy to accept because that means accepting the pain as a long-term disability rather than a temporary setback.

This got super long because I think it's unexplored in fics so some tips for creators:

First, learn how the body works and how stupidly fast and easy it is to get hurt. Mine was on a residential road because I didn't pay attention for 0.2 seconds

Learn the difference between internalized ableism and being upset over becoming disabled. I think a lot of writers skip over the feelings someone would naturally experience because it can be construed as ableism. Let them be in denial, sad, angry, etc. upon finding out because acceptance almost never happens right away. That's different from being a dick to themselves or others based on disability

Also, not everyone uses the same labels or has the same vocabulary to describe themselves. Different characters will have different ways of describing depending on their personality, level of knowledge, where they come from, and their relationship with their disability. I still don't really call myself disabled since I don't have it as bad as others so I tell people what happened instead (anyone who says "differently abled" will receive a different ability from me in the Denny's parking lot)

Think about how they cope with their new disability. Do they realize it's a disability right away? Do they talk to someone? Search desperately for a cure? Numb the pain? Turn to alternative methods? Do they worry about something else first, like money? Do they develop something else because of it, like a mental illness? Again, coping poorly is not ableism

What stays the same and what changes? I think about the difference between Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan after they were both wounded in battle

If they have a passion they can no longer pursue, it doesn't make much sense for them drop it so readily. Maybe they find a way to continue with accommodations (a good place to get creative!). Maybe they try and push through anyway. If they do ultimately resign, include the thought process and internal conflict behind it

[cosmicredcadet]

I don't think a lot of people realize that lot of their advice to disabled people often boils down to "Get over it." they are trying to be helpful but their idea of helpful is "Just do the thing" because that's what they do. for them they just do things. It comes naturally to just do it.

They don't know how to bridge the gap between you and the task. For them the bridge is already pre-built and stable. For disabled people the bridge is run down, not well kept, it feels unsteady and is hard to get across without being slow and cautious - hell for some people there is no bridge and we need to build it ourselves but we don't have the bridge building tools and no one gives them to us.

"Just cross the bridge." They say before walking over their pre-built bridge. They never gave you the tools to build a bridge to cross.

[spread-positivity-everywhere]

[lifewithchronicpain]

If you don't need a cane, but you get one to signal disability because sometimes you get faint and need to sit, or whatever, as a cane user for years, go ahead. Please, if it makes claiming accomodations easier for you, even if you don't need it to walk, I don't care. This is your permission if you needed it.

Can I suggest that you can get a foldable one at CVS (they're great) so it's there when you need it? Shits fucked up, do what you need to do. Just beware there are assholes that won't care about the cane. But overall, it does make things easier and is easily purchased. Go for it.

[the-archenlandian-court]

Things I wish I knew before I got diagnosed with a chronic illness

You’ll forget - Sometimes you’ll straight up forget you have a condition, that you have a disability, and that others don’t feel like you

Your most important job is to stay alive - Everything else is secondary, as long as you stay alive you have achieved something

It’s okay to cry - It’s normal, chronic illness is sucky, but don’t cry for too long or focus too hard on everything that’s wrong because it will make things worse

Your body is in a war, be kind - Your body is constantly fighting against itself, give it time to rest and heal, eat food and drink, do what you can to aid in the battle

If you feel like you can’t do it, you can - Have a cry, eat some ice cream and have a nap, when you wake up you’ll find the strength to keep going

Some advice from younger me; January of 2021 (I just found it stashed away)

[hypokeimena]

it makes me so so crazy when people are like the existence of magic means that you need to do science to the world harder. this is common in portal power fantasies and also i'm back to reading dogshit hp fic for the fascism essay and it's so common there too. but.

if magic is real i don't know why you'd double down on science (a worldview which doesn't account for magic being real) instead of trying to come up with something interesting to say

scientific rationalism is an incredibly modern worldview and while it's challenging to take yourself out of it bc it's how the vast majority of us were. raised and educated and acculturated. it does feel genuinely disrespectful to the. humanity of people who lived in the past, to me.

like there's plenty of things where historical people were incorrect about the causes or effects of things. but an attempt to make sense of the world that accounts for "things we don't fully understand" is maybe a reasonable approach to bring to things we don't understand yet. including things that are obvious metaphors with some component of truth to them. so like.

do i have ptsd bc of biological changes to my brain. do i have ptsd bc spirits are attacking me. is there a difference.

and it's not like people don't still engage in magical thinking all the time but they pretend it's based on science. like the way people (general people, popular science, not subject matter specialists) talk about chemicals in the brain is absolutely not supported by the actual science, which is a lot better at admitting when it doesn't know something than the popular imagination would like to believe. humans rely on metaphors and stories and things that Feel true in order to make sense of the world and we always have and we always will.

tl:dr you are not better than a peasant from the 1600s because you are lucky enough to have been required to attend a school that taught you the scientific method.

[davidzochi]

serperior for the new years! my first time drawing serperior too

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

There's nothing he can't do. Yet.

(Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!)

[thebibliosphere]

So in not great news, I’ve developed a trauma response to my migraines.

I just had a faint niggle of pain on the right side of my head—likely caused by my neck muscles being jacked up from yesterday’s migraine and the hours upon hours of throwing up—and while my original response to potentially getting a migraine was weary resignation, I just had what can only be accurately described as a panic attack.

Like full on, couldn’t breathe past my terror, vision tunneling in a way I haven’t experienced since [redacted trauma], ‘it feels like I’m having a heart attack’ panic.

Which is not… not great to begin with but it’s really not good when you have a mast cell disorder where stress can be an anaphylactic trigger, which it is for me, which is why I’ve spent the last for years trying to regulate my nervous system and get a handle on my complex trauma.

Only now, due to the severe amounts of pain I’m in every ten days or fewer, I’m experiencing total emotional dysregulation from the mere thought of having another migraine.

And now I have a headache from the panic attack because it triggered my POTS and now my blood pressure is fucked 🫠

I legitimately cannot do this anymore. This is going to kill me.

[chronic-lee-lizard]

Here are some filling foods for when you feel nauseous or not wanting to eat!!!

Eggs

Greek yogurt

Rice

Cottage cheese

Pastas (always a good option)

Chicken (maybe a plain rotisserie if you are needing something not overwhelming)

Potatoes, especially mashed

Soups, the broth helps :))

Overall anything protein-rich will help you feel full quicker. I know on nights when I’m feeling super nauseous but I know if I don’t eat it’ll get worse these foods have saved me lol.

[chronicillnesshumor]

[multifariousmayhem]

does anyone else with chronic fatigue feels like the day goes by very quickly? in between the non negotiable rest breaks and stuff like meals suddenly is the end of the day and there was no time at all to do anything

[moonlightshaiku]

You're Nicer When You Drink

Silco x Reader

Word Count: 1620

Warnings: Dissociation, Angst

Ao3: Here!

Notes:

What is your reason for living? What do you do when you feel like you're going to fade away?

Tag List: N/A

While Singed and Silco insisted it was multiple personalities, you preferred another view. You’d been visiting Babette’s, talking with her and her workers. Babette was very understanding, happy to run errands and leave you and some of her workers alone to discuss the working of your minds. 

It was this weekend that you’d spoken to someone new. She was older than most, loud, took up space. But when she sat in front of you she seemed to drift off. She sat in her chair and her edges blended with the curtains behind her. Her eyes were dark, and only that. She would only scan the room when you didn’t look at her, her only movements minute and almost invisible unless you looked for them.

“What we have,” she said in an even tone, never looking at your face, “is not multiple personalities.” You’d asked what she’d meant. She got up to grab a shot of something from the cart behind Babette’s desk. They were so plain, you noticed, her movements. Silco swayed and wrapped his fingers around his glasses oddly. Grabbed the decanter with one hand from the very bottom as he guided with his other hand on the neck.

She just grabbed a shot. 

When she sat, she didn’t take a sip, just stared off again. “In order to have a personality, you need to have a consistent consciousness, a past, an awareness of yourself. We have none of that. We aren’t real, not like other people are.”

She’d left not long thereafter. And it stuck with you.

You watched each of your own movements. Saw how unsettling it was as you blended in with whatever curtains were behind you. 

You watched Jinx. How her body flowed around her surroundings like a child’s train running around a Piltover beach. The way she held objects and moved them with a slight bounce. You knew she could feel herself dying, you could feel the ropes in your chest, too. But she knew how to live. How to be real. It was second nature to her, and you had no idea where to start. 

When your sentences finished, you became the background of a room. You died, lost whatever tied you to reality for other people, until they looked at you again. 

Silco was too real. He was real in sharp edges and tensed shoulders. In barks and demands. It set you on edge. 

You realized as you sat in his office again, why it was so easy for him to let you use this room as a safe haven, even as he conducted meetings. It’s all you could focus on, how you would just blend into the background.

You wondered if you were allowed to scream. What would happen if you did. And then you pictured the woman from the brothel again, the way she was real until she sat and breathed. And then she didn’t exist fully anymore. 

Silco was more affectionate the more you avoided him.

He became less real the more time you spent apart from him, he drank more. It became easier to bear the weight of his existence when you only talked across from him, staring at his large-backed chair, three shots in.

He asked again and again what was wrong, if he could fix it. But it was only as he sipped his bourbon. He left you to rot when he sobered up.

Sevika looked at you with pity when she woke you up each morning. You’d been late for a few days, unable to raise yourself from bed, so she’d taken on the responsibility. She didn’t speak to you much anymore, but the look of pity was enough. You’d feared that look, because you knew the day you got it, it meant you’d lost her. She was too real for you to get to her now. Or you were floating too far away for her to reach you. 

Jinx didn’t visit. You were sure she was busy, or something. 

One day she did visit, and quickly caught on. She punched your shoulder lightly. “What’s got your titties in a twist, toots?” She’d asked. You don’t remember what you’d said, or if you responded at all. But she left, still playful even as her footsteps softened. Floating somewhere else. 

Thieram didn’t speak to you until it’d been weeks without you going on a job. You hadn’t even realized how long it’d been. Even as you thought back, it didn’t make sense. 

Thieram was easier to talk to. He was real, but not too real.

He set something in front of you, and you sipped it without question. It was thick, chocolatey. “Did… uh, did you know that chocolate gives you dopamine?” And you felt yourself laugh. It was too breathy. You wish you could laugh harder, feel it burn your neck and chest.

“Drugging me into happiness, Thieram?”

He gave a nervous laugh and shrugged. You picked up your glass so he could wipe the counter under it. 

“When did you last eat?” He asks, grabbing a packet of crackers from under the counter. They were always given to patrons that got just a little too drunk. You’d once seen Sevika shove the crackers one-by-one into the mouth of a slim girl that had a panic attack after being thrown around too much in the crowd.

It had worked. Or maybe the girl was too busy drooling over Sevika. You couldn’t blame her.

You placed the crackers into your mouth slowly. You couldn’t feel the crackers in your mouth, or the pressure as you chewed, but you could feel them clog up your throat. You drank and drank to get the feeling out, but it held steady, making you heavy and foggy again. 

“What’s been up with you, anyway?” He asks. He’s just leaning on the counter, now. Cleaning and counting done.

You shrug. “I don’t feel real. Do I… exist?”

Thieram shrugs. “As much as you ever have.”

You look at the counter. “I think that’s the problem. I don’t think I’ve ever existed.”

He sighs deeply. “Do you have a reason to live? Like, family or something?”

You shake your head, and he gives you the same look Sevika does. You realize it’s not pity. You feel a little more real. “I think my reason for living has been being alive.”

He rubs his hands down the front of his shirt. “Well, there’s your problem. That’s surviving. And, in my opinion? Barely that. Do you have any reason to live?”

You pause. “It should be Silco. And Jinx.”

“It’s not?”

You shake your head again, take a sip of your drink. “I don’t think I even know what a reason to live is supposed to look like. Or be.”

He hums. “I mean, most people say family, or revenge, or making up for mistakes.”

You run a hand down your face. “But it has to be more than that. None of that applies to me. All of that is shallow, and stupid, and doesn’t make sense.”

Thieram nods. “I mean, yeah. I’m sure there’s more to it, people just don’t really have the words to put to it.”

“Who will? Have the words, I mean?”

Thieram’s eyes drift up the stairs, and you shake your head. 

“I’m not talking to Silco.”

“Can I say something kinda shitty?”

“Go for it.”

He lets out a big sigh. “I think you owe it to him, to be honest.”

You nod. “I do. I just… my words won’t be enough. And instead of getting more words the longer I wait, I lose them. And now I’ve waited too long. I’ve lost them all.”

He takes your drink and rinses it out, scrubbing it dry with a towel. You can see he’s thinking, the stillness in his shoulders comforting. “I think you not having words is part of the problem. And he’ll see that. He’s smart.”

“He’s too real.” You blurt. “He’s so real it hurts. And you’d think it’s jealousy, but I’m jealous of Jinx. She’s… so real. And I want her kind of real. I don’t want Silco’s kind of real. He’s sharp, and rude, and so, so intense.”

Thieram is always so still when he thinks, and always leans his head towards the floor. You can see him doing it now. The way he thinks is so visual you can feel it in your chest, and you can’t help but sit in silence. Hold quiet respect for his soft voice. The almost motherly whisper that leaves him when he speaks in private. “I don’t have an answer for that.” He says finally, his shoulders dropping and his movement continuing. 

You nod, solemn, and push yourself off your barstool. You can feel the weight of your feet on the ground. You’re realer. “I’ll just rip the bandaid off, then.”

Thieram jokingly salutes you, his uncomfortable smile so forced it's goofy and shows too much of his gums. You huff. 

Silco’s office is colder than it usually is, and it allows the fog to come a little bit closer. Not just the cold, but the energy of the room. Silco seems so faded. You want to hold him until he’s so real you need to throw up. You want to fix it, but there’s not enough of you to do that. 

He gestures to the chair at the opposite end of his desk, he seems limp. You head for the cart on the other side of his room. Pour two shots. Four fingers each. Then you sit.

“I still have work to do.” He says. 

“I need to talk to you.” You reply. 

“Why is alcohol needed?” He asks.

“You’re nicer when you drink.” You answer.

[cosmiccripple]

powerchair users i need your help!!

all the advice for new wheelchair users is for manual users, and i've found absolutely no advice or people showcasing their accessories and fun gadgets to personalise their powerchairs

i got my first powerchair today, a KWK D09, and i'm looking for as much advice as i can soak in, and if you have personalised your chair could you tell me about it?

plain txt: 'powerchair users i need your help!!' written in bigger lettering, green colouring, and in bold