#christ I just miss her so much
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/33716bc9b7394f3047b99c4cd1530468/6489a4875fecebae-63/s540x810/f0c2bd00c7a5cb9aa3c63a34bc6548a62b8e0d24.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4e045858db34dfd0d1dad5d3f560c2ab/6489a4875fecebae-70/s540x810/53bcf15f289520eb834fe59d85d5f611302545ee.jpg)
Apparently it's been over three years since she had her last swim in the lake and it's suddenly hard to take. It's stupid to miss her this much but well... That was a good day. One of the last good ones. 26th of June, 2020 was a good day.
#if this is making me sob this hard I wonder what's going to happen on the anniversary#thank god I'll be distracted#suppose this pain never gets much easier or lighter#because she's still everywhere I look#in the photos above the mantle and the collar I have on my desk#christ I just miss her so much#personal bs#I'm sorry idk what happened but here we are
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
letterboxd users absolutely flabbergasted that a movie underlines its point about a toxic social norm with cinematography, instead of having characters say they're gonna do a Toxic with their mouth
#''guh guh guh but the camera in the substance hates women''#1. if you see a 60yo woman on screen and think ''wow i can't believe they want us to think she's an ugly hag'' you already think it#2. a woman is a gross human like everybody else#3. most of the characters except maybe SOMETIMES elizabeth are CARICATURES#4. sorry they didn't include a happy ending where society becomes feminist did you want to forget people die?#like okay i can't say i didn't question a little during the movie if having so many ass shots that you kinda get disgusted by it#was like. not also a little bit TOO fanservice-y for some parts of the audience to get#and end up not serving the message but just reinforcing the objectification#and i'm not 100% sure i have 100% of the answer but what the hell the director isn't responsible for the people who sleep in the backseats#it happens to every movie#i would very much like to know what people who thought the movie missed the mark on feminism have to say#but so far every time i've seen a comment start like that#it ends with smth like ''if i can see the actress is old that's unfeminist''#or ''this woman having agency in her life and making bad and/or immoral decisions is unfeminist''#christ#broadcasting my misery#the substance
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
My vld time travel au is really just- Beautiful morally grey women, who have close but concerning platonic relationship with Lance, and want Lotor dead/trying to violently murder him, not out of malice or vengeance or anything personal but simply because of pragmatic "it's for the greater good" reasons and they are sorta?? Right about it
#empty thoughts#I don't hate l*tor (the censor is just so it doesn't go in the tags)#But sometimes i'll see old posts from annoying l*tor/l*tura stans and i am like#'can we kill this guy again? I wasn't looking and missed it'#I just really need him to get his ass kicked and thoroughly by the people who hold similar ideology as him#(But are also more adept/better planner then him but that's just me being biased)#(I think my biggest problem with him is that. Till the end we really don't know why he did That™#Instead of explaining anything vee el dee just went 'oh he has a tragic past be nice to him :(' which honestly?#Pissed me off more then make me sympathetic#And so many stans who'll go 'Alura should just overlook the fact that he literally manipulated her trauma#Knowing full well that her people were still alive. While still using said people as batteries and instead get back with him#so she can be his arm candy therapist girlfriend#cause he's uwu traumatized baby' while shitting on lanc and romel only pissed me off so much more#And just- we still don't know why he did That. For all we know he really was using those alteans as capri suns#To extend his life and just made himself believe that it's for greater good so he can tell himself he's not like his dad and sleep at night#Anyway the reason why i don't talk about this au is because it's literally just a tma time travel fanfic#I want it to be less tma though.#But also i want to keep the aesthetics of horror‚ humans turned monsters‚ build up to the end of the world‚ and anti christ#And Lanc being morally grey depressed manipulative demigod who in this case swings between-#'save l*tor cause it's the right thing to do'#'save l*tor cause he's more useful alive'#'save l*tor cause last time he died his mom destroyed multiple realities while throwing a tantrum'#and 'kill l*tor yourself the moment he inevitably crosses the line'#Along with his new besties#I am not making sense it's 7:30 in the morning and i have cold
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.
what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?
Neya & Thor are the only two applicable options here when it comes to things outside platonic/familial relationships. Opacho is 5 and Jack is also just a baby, but she's like best frienemies with Faolan. I know when you hear OTP its usually referring to romance but I'm super big on platonic relationships being OTPs!
That being said Neya x chemistry, she's not overly complex but Neya is a kind-hearted and deeply supportive type of character who despite often being in situations where she's in way over her head, is willing to persevere and overcome whatever obstacle that may be, especially when it involves people she cares about! If our characters build a relationship through our writing then I will never say no to it! This also applies to Thor! They have a good relationship built through us writing together and/or chatting about stuff via messages I'll never say no.
what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?
Pretty much anything, except you know the obvious and universal no no's.
how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?
Hoo boy ok. So, Neya, for her era (and the author even states this in the manga) at 16 she's considered an adult. On that alone I'd do 2 years younger and 4 years older cause I'm just trying to think of how it'd be from her time period. Now, this ONLY applies specifically for [main verse || itsuwaribito] when she's in her canon universe or some other feudal-era settings. I understand she's still 16 and other people don't vibe with that, I don't force anything on people (at least not intentionally, if you ever feel like I write something that makes you uncomfortable please tell me!) and romance is never my first or main priority, I like crushes/gradual friends to dating/lovers etc when writing anyway. This also obvi needs to be discussed first cause duh. Also, I'm fine with like 'x character looks 16/17 but is actually 100+ years old' (I’m an Inuyasha girly uwu, so we love a good demon/immortal s/o pairing).
For the verse where she's stuck in the future, [verse || under a rock] she is by modern-day laws legally underage. I'd go for 2 at most maybe 3 years older, 1 year younger. For the sub-main verse set at the end of the series with her running her village [verse || nanushi] she's canonically an adult there so I can deal with 10 years older or whatever and when it comes to the monsters/demons/immortal characters, so long as both parties are consenting adults it's cool!
Thor's a talking rodent. He's adult age and would be considered a young adult by human standards I suppose. So as long as the other creature is adult-aged it wouldn't matter to him. I can't put too much thought into this one, trying to make the math make sense is gonna hurt my brain, but obviously NO child-age creatures.
are you selective when shipping?
Can't really say, like excluding Coschu x Surgechu, which happened gradually through jubilantsparks and I's constant gushing about our chus via DMs I've never really shipped seriously with anyone else before so I can't really give an honest opinion about it *kanye shrug*
how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?
When they start undressing and getting real handsy, but none of that will ever be happening here so no need to worry!
Who are other muses you ship your muse with?
For Thor, specifically in his Lt. Surge Raichu verse (affectionately shortened to Surgechu) I shipped him with jubilantsparks' Fem!Pikachu OC Elysia who had a Cosplay Pikachu verse (affectionately shortened to Coschu). Coschu x Surgechu was fun and I miss them :') Also, Thor and Elysia in general were my favorite platonic OTP that could have easily become romantic cause they loved and cared for each other so much as best friends who could have just as easily become something more if they wanted to </3
NeRiya with Jade's Iriya . We've had many discussions about this enemies-to-friends/maybe more slow burn/redemption arc for Iriya. I cherish it deeply and Iriya deserved better than what he got in canon ; n ;
does one have to ask to ship with you?
Hmm, not really? I have a very chill and go-with-the-flow type of mindset when it comes to building relationships and shipping in general. The more our characters interact, get to know each other and the closer they become the better! If there's ever a certain aspect of their relationship you wanna discuss with me privately or plot, then just shoot me a message!
Also, I never assume anything so if you're invested off the rip in wanting to pursue the ship beyond them being friends then once again just message me. I'm here to have fun and write with folks, so go for it I will most likely never say no lmao. Crushes on Neya or Thor are also 100% ok, even if it's one-sided I have no problems with it, you don't even gotta ask me for that.
how often do you like to ship?
I've only had two (2) actual ships during my entire time here on this site. I have a bad case of anxiety brain when it actually comes to shipping and I never wanna assume or push anyone into doing anything so it's rare I ever approach. I'll just sit and vibe and settle with my time in the friendzone while making up scenarios in my head like the dork I am.
are you multiship?
Ok, after getting some answers on what multishipping is from an RP standpoint, I want to say yes I am. I'd have no issues with having multiple ship partners. Every character interaction is like in their own separate universes so like I can't understand limiting myself as a single ship. This is subject to change but like I said, I barely have any shipping experience.
are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?
More-or-less! As stated above I don't really ask or approach first for ships soooo if it happens it happens. I'm down for shipping off of chemistry through a gradually built relationship!
what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?
ooh chile I'm in a bunch of fandoms lol so I'll just go with the fandoms for my muses specifically. For Pkmn it'll always be ShinHika/Paul x Dawn/ Ikarishipping. Pokeani can pry that dynamic from my cold dead hands.
I like all the potential pairings within Utsuho's group, but that'd be too much to list. Gin x Kin, Neya x Uzume, Neya x Hikae, Hikae x Iwashi.
For SK I was a sucker for Hao x Tamao back in the day. It still could've been cute if Takei didn't turn Tamao into Anna 2.0. I find her whole personality shift weird.
finally, how does one ship with you?
Just write with me! I don't care how many asks or threads we end up having. I cannot reiterate how much I adore relationship building in writing. We write enough threads together and our characters grow to like each other or something I'm 100% down to clown! Also, If you don't suffer from perpetual cold feet like me, just shoot me an IM and let's talk about it! Easy peasy, promise I don't bite!
Nabbed from: @gamenu initially, but I've been seeing other moots do it too! Tagging: @sillymuses, @lostusagis, @museguided, @despairforme, + anyone who sees this!
#memes || [fun]#covet || [likes]#but evolved and matured childhood besties Jack & Faolan?? Good shit 👌🏾👌🏾 also the Dead Money PMD verse. immaculate.#Thorlysia makes me so soft. Heavy friends turned lovers vibes but they were also content with just being with each other ; n ;#then coschu and surgechu (the beauty & her bodyguard) *SCREAMS INTO THE VOID* I MISS THEM SO MUCH#iinuma gave us all these fun pairings and character interactions but barely explored them so I have to do everything myself around here#christ on a cracker this was long
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Look I know lesbian visibility week is nearly over but I was stupid busy with coursework but honestly shut up. It’s her.
The other versions involve a light lesbian flag gradient overlay and a little gray overlay. This is because none of the flag poses were working out and I was running out of time, so… violet symbology. (Lesbian flower. Thank you Sappho. Lavender is commonly associated with any queerness but violets are more wlw due to one of Sappho’s fragments.) I’m going to shut up about how much more I wanted to do I could go on all day.
#laz art tm#tf2#miss pauling#lesbian visibility week#I feel like the violet brooch thing is fitting and I feel like she definitely has one. Goes perfectly with all her work outfits.#Okay I’m tired but like. Final note. I love Miss Pauling so much and I mean that in the most symbolic way.#She’s so me and I don’t usually see traits I have non villainised or not a point of contention.#I’m a short lesbian with piss pour eyesight and a fucky mental state of course she’s viscerally me. Rant over I just. Man.#Learning about her treatment over the years has fucked me up? Like Jesus Christ. For the love of god respect her for ONCE.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
love how there are pretentious video essays that just repeat the book and meander and ramble about house of leaves. it's what zampanó would have wanted. it is not, however, what I want
#anyway i finished the main portion of the book#all i have left is the poems and a few other small things i think? ive read pelafinas letters#im thinking of getting the full book of her letters#but also they severely messed with my head so we'll see#i will say. i do get why ppl say the book is pretentious and frustrating#there was a lot of stuff where i couldnt tell if it was supposed to be satire or if it was genuinely just that dense and pretentious#and a lot of the codes were rly obtuse imo?#like... idk. some of them were super obvious like the sos stuff or pelafina outright saying what to do#but others like. man how am i supposed to know johnny waxing poetic about pussy was coded#i mean that one is also pointed out though much later but i know i missed a lot just like it that werent pointed out#and ive heard theres a lot of shit where the message you get is just danielewski????? which gonna be real. kinda dumb.#but i did also really enjoy the book#there was a lot of stuff in it that was just so compelling or poignant or whatever other word#the minotaur stuff is good (ofc id say that though i love me some minotaur themes)#also a lot of the scenes with johnny just...... christ#idk how ppl say to skip them hes so fascinating#yeah i could do with him talking about his possibly hallucinated sex life a bit less but also his story is just plain interesting#i still think about the part where the girl he was talking to runs over a dog they had picked up........ it was fucking chilling#and his hallucinations of dying are so descriptive in just the right way to get under my skin#the uncertainty with him and his family..... did pelafina try to kill him? did his father just send her away for being a bit too overbearin#over an accident? was there something else? what was the deal with his foster family? with lude? gdansk man and kyrie?#how did it get published? who are the editors? why did the band know of the book before it should have been published?#why does his journal section end with a story from a man he admits to making up completely? the doctor from seattle doesnt exist#the chronological end is more hopeful with him saying things will be okay but then he puts a previous entry after that?#i think the burning of the book parallels the story nicely#johnny said his piece; he nurtured the book as much as he could; but it was hurting him and he had to give up on it#idk!#this book does make me feel a lil dumb ngl
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#sorry to vent post yet again the pms is pms-ing. i am ultimately in the end ok and this too shall pass etc#cw pet death#UNNA IS FINE no worries#i just. i just really miss Pulmu. my baby my sweet old lady. jesus fucking christ#i just. idk i still hold a lot of regret over her last months. i loved her so much I DID but no amount of love#and money and guilt and open mouth sobbing could make her not Old and Sick.#i just refused to see that because i wanted her to be alright so badly#i feel so bad about letting my feelings go over her comfort. i'm so sorry baby i shouldnt have hung on to you as long as i did#of i could change one thing about the whole of world's history it would be that. so you wouldnt have to die scared in a hospital#but i cant do that. i just have to live with the memory#usually i try not to be too hard on myself about it. first of all because beating myself up about it doesnt change anything#and also because i recognize that i was profoundly mentally ill about the whole thing. (not joking)#like i genuinely dont think i have ever felt and been worse than i did when Pulmu was old and sick. i wasnt thinking clearly.#i should have been but i wasnt.#it has been 1 year and about 8 months since her passing and still sometimes i dont know what the hell to do with all that grief#some days i'm completely fine and i can talk about her without problems. and some days i sob into my pillow feeling like i just got shot#ah well. nothing to it but to keep on trucking#i hope she's fine wherever she is.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#if i unfollow you im sorry but jesus christ im so over taylor swifts petty ass#i just don’t care for it anymore im genuinely just over it and it’s clear she’s doing whatever she wants and has support from everyone#and their mom so good for her!! i don’t care anymore though#i feel free tbh but also sad bc i miss the taylor i grew up with but she’s definitely not the same and i can’t idolize someone#i don’t respect 🫤#and i don’t really care to see so much discourse about it anymore like….i have moved on
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i think this is an autism related thing#but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in#like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about#and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but#it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared#this is specifically in regards to working#like having a job. like going to work#i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating#in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience#i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared#like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW#and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start#im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant#not even a full year of working#i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms#and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go#i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have#ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow#i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed#and im talking about each micro step inbetween#what am i missing#and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being#supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING#jesus christ#manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe#i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves#around me. i know this#i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i#genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I Am Going To Lose My Shit :)
#froggie personal#yall tell me why I feel like shit rn#the POTS is handing my ass to me today#I felt like shit yesterday too but I foolishly thought that it was a one-off day#like I need to eat something cause my stupid ass PMS symptoms are making me hungry#which in turn makes my POTS flare up#but I'm also nauseous so I don't wanna eat cause throwing up is a No#and at work some mom complained to my boss (I teach swim lessons) cause I couldn't work with her kid very much#like I'm sorry that another parent came in with their kid WHEN THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO#AND HAD US TAKE HIM SO WE COULDN'T WORK WITH EVERYONE THE ENYIRE TIME#and your kid almost had a meltdown when you tried to out her in the water so pardon me-#-I didn't want to be a random stranger that dragged her into deep water and made her freak out#like jesus christ the kid is 2 I'm sorry that I didn't want to scare her away from the water but she's literally a toddler#and holy shit why am I so tired I've done legitimately nothing today#like I slept until 10 and conveniently missed my morning practice#only worked for an hour and emptied the damn dish washer#why did I have to lay down for an hour after work and now lay down again#and to top it all off my skin is acting up because of course it is#so now it's both dry as shit and super itchy#please I just need the shit to stop for a little bit
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf
#NOT MINE BTW I MISSED MY CHANCE LMAO#but Jesus Christ family I’ve never met before flying in from Panama…. god I’m so scared#I’ve already been dealing with some wack ass imposter syndrome ass shit cuz of how I was raised this is gonna make it SO MUCH worse#I DIDNT EVEN KNOW PANAMANIANS GOT QUINCES#i was raised with almost zero influence from any culture whatsoever I wasn’t even raised close to that side of the family#and like I’m mixed with white but I can’t even use that as an excuse cuz the cousin who’s quince it is is also mixed#and that side of the family is super tied to the culture and they speak Spanish and shit#i don’t even speak Spanish even if the family from Panama doesn’t think ima. total embarrassment what if most of them don’t speak english#when I’m surrounded by white people 24/7 I feel like a total outlier but the second I’m around anyone else latine I feel like that but WORSE#i don’t speak Spanish I don’t know anything about the culture I’m from the fucking pacific northwest and do digital art and watch anime#i am so far completely removed from everything I’m gonna be sick#my grandma is already so judgy about stuff my uncle was even WORSE and made fun of the stuff that was too white or too American about me#my cousins throwing the party are the least of my worries cuz at least their mixed and second/third Gen too#but oh my god the family I’ve never met before I’m so scared I’m so scared#i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so -#-should I just associate myself more with the white side of my family. am I being fraudulent by identifying with that term just bc I have -#-the blood is that even enough maybe that kid had a point when he said I shouldn’t count as hispanic if I don’t know spanish#and thinking about showing up to my cousins quince as. me. it’s terrifying it’s awful I want to go I want to meet these people I want to -#-celebrate my cousin and be happy for her but GOD what if everyone hates us and just tolerates us cuz we’re related to them#i would say we’re the black sheep of the family but I feel like white is more fitting cuz I feel like we’re just slightly brown white people#god god god I’m so stresssd out by this#is this a weird thing to be worried about is this stupid is this selfish#and to make matters worse I DONT KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR A GIRT#vent
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hnnnnnnnnnnnmmnn its overshare on the internet o clock
#my shitty ex has sent me a text asking to meet up and talk#and in a predictable move the text itself doesnt actually apologize or acknowledge that she did anything fucked up#it instead says 'we both did some pretty messed up stuff' which. uh. yeah. cool. thanks.#thats like prefacing an apology with 'first of all i still blame you but i guess i couuuldve had something to do with it'#and like. sheesh. my first instinct is to politely say absolutely not jesus christ how do you have the gall to ask me that#i could go my entire life without interacting with you ever again and i would be nothing but better off for it#but. i have not sent that yet. and it has been a while. because i really miss the friend group she....not stole exactly but#because i do not want to be in the same space as her i just. dont get to be around them much any more.#and fuck. i miss my dog so so much. i love lucas too but sarah was the first dog i raised from a baby#and she was just one of those animals that are just. like you love them all but some are different in a way where they're a part of you.#and sarah was mine and she took her from me and ive just barely gotten over it#i dont know if being able to see her again would make it worse or better.#but instinct is telling me to tell her that no theres no chance of us being friends. i need to protect myself and value my own wellbeing.#and that its not that i hate her because i dont but i do intensely dislike the ugly person i realized shes become#and i refuse to continue to let myself be hurt by that without speaking up.#but i still!!! havent!!! said no!!!!!#if i could manage it. and get through a talk with her. and be very clear that im here to attempty just...neutrality and a lack of hostility#and that friendship is not on the table. prep myself on my boundaries and rules for what i will not put up with#and accept that if she does something shitty in response to me keeping myself safe then i have to be prepared to call it off immediately#then. i would see my friends again a lot more often than just one on one every couple months because every group thing involves her#fuck. i dont know. i really really dont want to talk to her ever again but god fucking dammit.#im prepared to move on and rebuild my life and invest in other relationships. i am. ive done it before and slowly built from the ground up.#i can do it again. but it fucking sucks when its most of my irl friends all at once.#idk. idk. i miss my dog so much it hurts but it would be much worse to see her now after how my ex treats her when im not there to stop it#its just something i cant let myself think about or ill just spiral and i cant do that. theres nothing i can do about it. i cant stop it.#fuck.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
funny thing happened when i was subbing fourth grade technology today. a boy raised his hand when i introduced myself as miss (last name) and said "there used to be someone who looked JUST like you who worked at after care a few years ago."
"that was me >:)"
and he was like... honestly *____*-facing
#idk how to describe the emotions of the *____* (an underrated fav of mine) thats why art is so much more eloquent than words#tales from diana#some kids realize it's me and im the same person#oh when i was working for the after school program i went by miss diana. important detail#we all did first names except for my coworker who was a para at the school during the day she still went by her last name. naturally#bc that's what all the kids knew her as already#but yeah like my boss was mr. bruce for instance#i had a boy in one second grade class seemingly FORGET me? he was a kindergartener#i had just walked into the room a minute ago and i said '(his name) stop that' and he was like 'how do you know my name?'#uhm. because we've played stratego together.#another girl in his grade (now a second grader) who used to really love me and always seems happy to see me subbing#she asked me one time 'why did you change your name?' 'i didnt!' and she was like: :0000#me explaining to my friends that i have a first AND last name#also in that fourth grade class was my first grader i used to tutor when school was still remote!#he's so big now jesus fuckin christ#he asked me if i. like. PREFER to be called miss (last name) bc w him i just went by diana#and i was like 'well. you know my name and thats ok but just call me what all the other kids are supposed to call me' lol#if you run into me at the grocery store you can say hi diana. at school it's miss b#he's funny he always doesn't like to seem too attached or affectionate (he was like that when he was young too) but i can tell#he's always happy to see me around :)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Archie, Betty, and Jughead have all had their Christ allegory moments, so when is Veronica getting hers?
#Riverdale#Veronica Lodge#deserves her Christ allegory moment!!!#she's literally the best person of the four of them so WHERE IS IT#I call bullshit if she doesn't get one#like I know the writers care about Veronica less but COME ON#(this is funny btw because Veronica has hands down the best arc in s1-6#as well as the most consistent and the only consistently complex characterization)#(like the other core four members got flattened to varying extents during the time skip but not Miss Veronica Lodge!)#(she and Hiram also have hands down the best dynamic in the whole show and the only one that really evolves season to season)#((I can and will talk about this at length when asked))#(but this is why she DESERVES to be Jesus for a season!!!)#(I just. I love her SO MUCH)#my thoughts on Riverdale let me show you them
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
ah. well. recurring motif spotted. I thought I was dealing just fine but it turns out I've been masking a lot of pain from even myself! time to change my theme music to a minor key I guess
#the 16th will be one year and I feel sick#did not expect seeing a picture of her would make me actually for real cry 🙃#I was wondering why I keep bringing her up lately like its been Constant when I'm not Distracted and something felt. off about it.#i was good at mostly not mentioning her for a little and then late december hit and jesus christ#mostly being the keyword there#idk its just. hard and shitty when someone who is a foundational part of your life and upbringing and your frame of reference for the world#is an absolutely horrific person and it comes up again and again and again and again#I am jealous of people who dont have disgusting stain on the fabric of their lives where 'mom' is threaded through#I dont have much that isnt deeply uncomfortable for other people to hear (about her and idk. in general about my past)#I feel awkward and unloveable#and I thought the worst of it would be other people being shitty about me being jubilant that I escaped!! I made it out!! but no#the worst of it is that I miss her so badly sometimes it feels like a bomb went off in my chest#and I dont even know what I miss
1 note
·
View note
Text
> Be me.
> Doing dishes, using a scouring sponge on my pizza pan.
> I enjoy the metallic scent, as usual.
> Metallic scent is nostalgic to me. It reminds me of being a child and sitting in the living room watching cartoons.
> Remember that the reason the living room had a metallic scent back then was because of The Stabbing where one of my mom's ex-boyfriends broke in the front door and started stabbing her boyfriend of the time.
> Realise that's probably a bit messed up, but so was the vast majority of my childhood.
> Continue doing dishes.
#fae irl#stabbing#domestic abuse#The Stabbing was also like. the straw that broke the camel's back in the landlord deciding to evict us lolol.#no not the nightly screaming and fighting and the cops being called for domestic disputes every other day and all that.#but Him getting stabbed and leaving a borderline permanent copper scent in the living room because no matter how much my mother#and her friend cleaned & cleaned & cleaned the smell of blood just Wouldn't Go Away (my mom was left to clean up the fucking CRIME SCENE)#is what did it asdfghjkll--#god. i almost miss that apartment.#its so nostalgic.#i was just a KID man.#all these horrors were going on around me all the time and i just wanted to watch Inuyasha on On Demand.#the horrors were happening and i was getting upset at missing the first showing of the last episode of ATLA for GROCERY SHOPPING.#of all things.#i missed school so many times because my mom and i had to spend the entire night with a chair under the door handle and#our backs against the door to keep her damn boyfriend out of the apartment so he wouldn't beat her again and she figured it wouldnt be#fair to make me go to school tired after a long night like that. she pulled the mattress over in front of the door and I just#went to sleep right there man.#.....#christ.
1 note
·
View note