#childhoodTrauma

[little-tiffany]

A child's shoulders were not built to bear the weight of their parent's choices.

[illuminatingfacts]

When your mom uses your FULL name... you know it’s game over. 😳😂 Immediate flashbacks

[lesnamess]

Fawning

Have you ever made it your mission to be over reassuring, and convinced yourself your own needs have changed?

I have been an expert fawner until I was a wee thing. My father's constant change of moods made it virtually impossible to guess what the day would hold by way of his treatment. Each of us kids responded in different ways. Some would disappear, running as soon as they were able to some safer secluded spot. Others responded with biting words or actions, fighters through and through. I would most often do one of two: Freeze and hope I was actually fading into the wall. "Please, let them not see me." and if that was impossible, I would fawn. Putting all my fears aside and doing everything I can to please. It became instinctual during moments of panic to automatically assume this position. To this day when I am around my father, I will automatically do this if he is upset, unless I have made a conscious effort not to. Therapy and boundary work is a work in progress for me, albeit quite helpful.

However, I found myself recently doing such things even with friends. I notice it will happen if one has expressed self-doubt or are feeling poorly. I will bend over backwards to emphasize their wonderful qualities, to the point that they become qualities I have decided I want and admire. Then quite naturally, I will want to be around them all the time. I will make it seem so good in my head. I will think, "This person is wonderful!"

Yes, my friends are wonderful. But it can become excessively ideal to think this way. It sets you up for disappointment, as no friend asked for this, and no friend is perfect. They feel better about themselves, which was the original point, and then I feel better about them too, swaying my own view. Here is the point: If they are not actually good for me, I won't notice until it becomes painful.

It was not until I had another person who truthfully was good for me appear by example. I could compare them and realized, the person actually compatible and good for me was much different than the one I had pumped up. The revelation hit me. I had done this with the start of good intentions, to be helpful and supportive, only to come out the other end disillusioned.

What was missing in my life to cause me to react this way? How or why did I blind myself to things that did not actually fit what I need or truly enjoy?

Do you bend yourself to others until you are unrecognizable? When is the last time you caught yourself doing this?

Sincerely,

les

[nexa-styles4-blog]

It's about being wanted...

So as a kid I have always felt rejected, unwanted from the people who were supposed to love me and protect me, so I started to do things ,make stuff, like art, drawings, calligraphy just so that I can be appreciated, get a little bit of my parents affection/attention.

Later applied the same notion in making friends, which explains why i felt that my friends- don't see "me", they only see my skill set. Now I realise why, because that is the only thing that I showed them. I never reflected who I was on the inside and tbh there was nothing to see. Only damage goods.

I was absolutely broken, my skill set saved me from becoming a social disaster but also made me just an asset in people's lives. I do good at work because I know how to be useful but I don't know one person who has picked me for who I am, for me, my personality, my essence.

And that is exactly why when my first love rejected me i felt like he rejected my soul...

My mere existence.

It was devastating because it was proof, a real time "history repeating itself" a notation of what my father did to me. I was rejected and it felt like I was worthless.... Again.

That I was not likable if I wasn't useful.

T.

[davidskeet]

Catherine Deneuve in Repulsion, Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby and Isabelle Adjani in The Tenant. Polanski's apartment trilogy

[exposing-yusuf-olatunji-fatai]

Domestic Abuse From Day One

The author recounts a distressing incident involving Yusuf Olatunji Fatai, who, fueled by alcohol, violently attacked the author while attempting to take their crying 1-year-old from her. This outburst followed his destructive behavior at a birthday party, highlighting his abusive nature and alcohol issues, portraying him as a deceitful and dangerous individual.

This is the way Yusuf battered me when trying to grab our then 1 year old son from my arms after he destroyed my then 7 year old son bed on his birthday. He spent that evening at my older son birthday party fueling himself with alcohol and took his anger, madness and frustration out on me by attacking my minor child and destroying his bed. He tried to grab my crying 1 year old son from me to run…

[caesarandthecity]

The Light and the Shadow: Memories of a Godmother and the Pain

They never gave me much love. I never really felt what it was like to be loved, so the little they gave me was always enough for me. I would cling to that person, and to me, we were already friends, colleagues, whatever it was.

On the street where I lived as a child, there was a lady who showed me a lot of affection. Her name was Dona Ana. Dona Ana was a teacher. Her house was simple, even dirty, and she had two children. One of them, Rodrigo, died in an accident. I still have memories of him today—a handsome guy, full of life, almost wild. I won't lie, sometimes I see myself in him. I was young, about six or seven years old, and I remember looking at him, thinking how beautiful and wonderful he was, and telling myself, "Wow, I want to be like him." Everyone liked Rodrigo. He was free. Unfortunately, he died very young in a car accident. After that, Dona Ana was left with her older daughter, Daniela, and her husband, Seu Célio.

Oh, how I loved spending afternoons at Dona Ana’s house. She always cooked delicious meals. All the birthday cakes in the neighborhood were made by her, and they were so good! Dona Ana was such a kind soul. But I also remember how my adoptive mother, Isabel, and others would talk badly about her behind her back, saying she owed money to everyone, that she was dirty. I never cared about that. I liked going to her house; there, I felt loved.

Sometimes, I would spend the entire afternoon there with her daughter, watching movies, talking, laughing. Other times, I would go to the kitchen, hug Dona Ana, give her a kiss, and she would always tell me she was my godmother. And she truly was a wonderful godmother, a person who always brought light into my life.

I remember one time when she saved me from Isabel, who was beating me. Isabel found me playing hide-and-seek under the bed with other kids, and in a rage, she pulled me out and started kicking my face. The door was open, the house was full of people because of a party, and even then, she didn’t hesitate to do it. The one who saved me that day was Dona Ana. She was passing by, saw the scene, and shouted for Isabel to stop. Isabel stopped, and I clung to Dona Ana. From that day on, she held a special place in my heart.

I always called her godmother, and whenever I had the chance to be by her side, I was. But she passed away, taken by breast cancer that devastated her and her entire family. She became unrecognizable.

I’m grateful to Godmother Ana for saving me, but I also remember that she was often involved in my schoolwork. Isabel would take over my projects and make me sit there, watching, wanting to participate but unable to.

The way Dona Ana adopted me as her godchild was peculiar. Isabel, my adoptive mother, always made a point of telling everyone: "César’s uncles don’t care about him, César’s grandparents don’t care about him, César’s godparents don’t care about him." Isabel always made sure to pass on the idea that I wasn’t important to anyone.

[gingerbeardmansim]

TATSUO - "Good morning, I am Tatsuo, you can call me Tat."

HENRY - "Hello, Tat, I am Henry Julian. Nice to meet you in person."

TATSUO - "Come on in Henry, would you like something to drink?"

They continued their introductions, and Tatsuo got to the point fairly quickly after they sat down.

TATSUO- "As I told you on the phone, Kelvin has had a less than pleasant upbringing to this point. Prior to us taking him in as a foster child, he was living in an automobile with his mother. Unfortunately, things happened, and Kelvin was left an orphan. Due to this trauma, he has some issues. How are you equipped to deal with that, if at all.?

HENRY - "I not only have a teaching degree, but I also hold a degree in child psychology. And unfortunately, I was raised in very similar circumstances, so I have first-hand knowledge.

Pleased with Henry's response, Tat continued the interview, but not quite as aggressive.

TATSUO - "I do not mean to come off so aggressive, Henry, but Kelvin has become very close to us. He is part of Daryl and I. We only want the best for him, and feel it's time he is able to enjoy life and be a ten-year-old."

HENRY- "I completely understand and agree. If I am chosen as his nanny and caregiver, he will also become part of me. I hope that I could reside here..."

TATSUO- "Oh yes, most definitely. We have made a place for that and feel it is important to Kelvin. So, Henry, would you be able to come back later this evening and meet Daryl and Kelvin. A Pizza dinner, sound good?"

Henry agreed to return later that evening for dinner. He as well as Tatsuo felt very good about the interview.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I knew from an early age not to trust anyone.

[storytellerslense]

I've updated the video because I wasn't really happy with the old version. It's still far from perfect but I hope you like it.

[little-tiffany]

Trauma leaves you more equipped for war than love.

-Julia Pauhl

[stillpoetry]

That decade when I wanted to welcome you with excitement, peace, and love

[truecampbell]

For my primal brain on up to my cerebral brain, I need these reminders.

[quotesforabookimayneverwrite]

Parent? Please you’re a glorified babysitter at best

[bianca-alexander88]

Yeah, I’ve got a bunch of aces up my sleeve, if by “ACEs” you mean Adverse Childhood Experiences. 

[maddogofnovember]