caesarandthecity

[caesarandthecity]

Who Are You Really?

If someone asked you who you are, what would you say? You’d probably just say your name. In my case, I’d say, “I’m Cesar.” But is that really true? Are you just your name?

You’re not who you think you are. You’re way, way deeper than that. But you don’t know it yet because you’re lost. You’re too attached to the material world, so you’re stuck in the identity you’ve built so far. When people say they “know themselves,” it’s usually something shallow—like, “I like Cheetos instead of Doritos,” or “I prefer pink over blue.” But real self-knowledge goes beyond that. It’s not just about what you like—it’s about why you like it.

There’s meaning in everything, and the meaning is the journey.

Yes, the journey itself is the meaning. It’s about how we become who we are. And people are terrified of losing themselves. I was too, I won’t lie. It’s scary. No one wants to feel lost.

But losing yourself is necessary. Without change, without letting go of who you used to be, you can’t become who you’re meant to be.

It’s like I exploded into a billion tiny colorful pieces. And each one of those pieces was a part of me—my past, my emotions, my memories, my friends, my loves, my lies, my sins, my whole life. But then I decided to put myself back together. And I realized—I didn’t need all the pieces. I could choose the ones I wanted to keep and build something better.

Now, I invite you to do the same. Let go. Go with the flow. It’s not easy, but it’s freeing.

When was the last time you just sat down and watched the sunset?

"Man, know thyself."

[caesarandthecity]

Knowing Yourself is Freedom

When was the last time you looked at yourself?

When was the last time you actually spent a whole day with yourself? Okay, maybe half a day? An hour, at least? When was the last time you truly tried to get to know yourself? To try something new? When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone and into a whole new world of possibilities?

"Know yourself, and you will know the gods and the universe within you."

The journey of knowing yourself is what life is all about.

[caesarandthecity]

"The Devil leaves footprints of fire Angels leave footsteps of sunlight Man leaves footsteps with shadows Death leaves no footprints…"

[caesarandthecity]

"Some people just want to watch the world burn, I prefer to do the burning myself."

[caesarandthecity]

"A quote I made since everyone else is doing it and I like words: 'Don't mistake my kindness for ignorance, nor my silence for giving in. There is power in self control.'"

[caesarandthecity]

"Evil isn't born dearie, it's made!"

[caesarandthecity]

I didn’t become the villain by choice, but because the world pushed me into the darkness it created, and I refused to stay silent.

[caesarandthecity]

"You either die as a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself turning into a villain."

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You called me heartless when you couldn’t see the scars, but it was your cruelty that froze my soul.

[caesarandthecity]

A villain doesn’t just break the rules—they create new boundaries, ones that protect the broken parts they’ve rebuilt.

[caesarandthecity]

"Why should I apologize for being a monster? The world didn’t apologize for making me this way."

[caesarandthecity]

The world shattered me, molded me into what they called a villain, and now it begs for my forgiveness.

[caesarandthecity]

They mistook my silence for surrender, but in the depths of that silence, I was reclaiming my power.

[caesarandthecity]

Unbreakable Essence

For a long time, I would look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at me. I was a stranger to myself, living on the sidelines of my own life, unable to connect with anything beyond the pain. The abuse I suffered, the betrayals I endured, and the constant invalidation of my experiences had cast me into a sea of darkness. I didn't know who I was beyond the hurt. But slowly, something began to change.

The path inward began when I found myself with no way out. It wasn’t the abuse that pushed me to seek help; ironically, it was the emotional abandonment of a relationship I had thought was my last safe harbor. When my ex-husband betrayed me, repeatedly, something inside me shattered. The sense of betrayal went beyond physical infidelity—it was as though he had destroyed the last spark of trust I still nurtured, both in others and in myself. The weight of being rejected by someone who claimed to love me made me realize I could no longer run from the pain. I had to face it.

Every lie he told, every act of infidelity, made me question whether I was even worthy of love. I began to convince myself that the problem was me, that I wasn’t deserving of loyalty. I remember sleepless nights, turning those thoughts over and over in my mind, wondering what was so wrong with me to be treated this way.

Therapy was the first step, but it was only the beginning of a much deeper journey. I remember one session in particular when my therapist told me that I needed to look into my own unconscious. At that moment, I didn’t fully grasp what she meant, but something about that phrase stuck with me. I began to realize that there was much more inside me than the visible scars. There were shadows, unresolved traumas, and old wounds I had buried so deep that I had almost forgotten they existed. Those hidden parts of myself needed to be unearthed and healed.

One day, while walking through Beaver Lake Park in Montreal, something inside me broke wide open. Without warning, the tears came. I didn’t care that the park was crowded, that people around me could see. I sat down on the grass and cried. I cried as I had never cried before. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing years of repression, hurt, and silence. Those tears weren’t just out of sadness—they were tears of relief, of finally allowing myself to feel. To feel everything. In that moment, I knew something inside me was changing. The pain was starting to transform.

My therapist told me that this was part of the healing process, and I knew she was right. Every tear I shed was a wound reopening, allowing the healing to begin. But healing is never simple, and certainly not linear. As I opened the doors to my unconscious, I found more than just pain. I found fears I had avoided, traumas I didn’t know how to name, insecurities I had masked with a false sense of control. But I also found strength. I found an immense will to keep going, to reconnect with my essence.

For me, this essence—this "unicity"—is the most intimate part of who I am, something that remains even when everything else crumbles. It's like an inner flame, dimmed by pain for a long time but never extinguished. As I delved deeper into my unconscious, I began to realize that, despite all I had endured, this essence was still there. Rediscovering it meant acknowledging that, even in my darkest moments, there was something within me that had remained intact—my essence.

Each act of betrayal was not just a violation of trust—it was as if he was reinforcing my belief that I wasn’t worthy of love or loyalty. For a long time, I was lost in guilt, thinking I wasn’t enough. But through therapy, I began to see what had been hidden. Abuse doesn’t just start with the abuser—it begins when we stop listening to ourselves, when we fail to set boundaries. For so long, I accepted abuse, not just physically but emotionally. I accepted betrayals, disrespect, and slander, believing that’s all I deserved.

But with every therapy session, every honest conversation with myself, I began to understand my limits. I started to set boundaries where once I had surrendered without resistance. I discovered the importance of protecting myself, respecting myself, and valuing myself. This was one of the hardest parts of my healing—realizing that the reconstruction of myself began with the acknowledgment of my intrinsic worth, that I am enough, regardless of what anyone else has done or said.

Writing about this journey has been one of the most powerful forms of healing I’ve found. Every word I put on the page helps me organize the internal chaos. More than that, writing allows me to validate my own experience—something I never received from the outside world. I no longer need anyone’s validation to know that my pain was real. I recognize it, and that is enough.

My journey inward is ongoing. There are still many parts of me to discover, many traumas to reframe, and many shadows to illuminate. Healing is a never-ending process, but today, I know that I am much more than the wounds I carry. I am the light that emerges from them, and each step I take brings me closer to my true essence. I am a star on this earth, a soul that shines not in spite of the darkness, but because of it. Every fragment of myself that I gather along the way strengthens my unbreakable essence.

[caesarandthecity]

"You thought I was the hero of the story. At one point, I did too. But now I realize I was never destined to be the hero. I was doomed to be the villain."

[caesarandthecity]

Heroes are remembered for saving lives, but villains like me rise from the ashes of what was destroyed inside us.

[caesarandthecity]

I didn't choose to be broken, but when I stopped running from the pieces, I started rebuilding something stronger.