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temporarywelcome · 4 days ago

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Band-Aid - Spencer Reid

Word Count: 3.1k

REQUESTED!

The Ask: Hi Hi! I love your Specer X Kelptomaniac!reader stories. I perchance have a request. What is Rossi is having a party at his house (mansion) and reluctantly invites reader, and while she’s there he just watches her like a hawk as if waiting for her to screw up or something. Perhaps. Bye Bye! -anonymous

WARNINGS: Rossi does NAWTTT like reader, klepto!reader, some swearing, blood loss (a little cut lmao)

A/N: technically part of my "Smooth Criminal" series, though you don't need to read it to understand what's going on. also I always imagine early seasons Reid for these I just like this gif lmao

______

Everyone knew David Rossi was not a fan of Spencer's girlfriend.

No, David Rossi did not like Y/N, and he made sure it was known. Ever since the BAU discovered her identity (thanks to Ms. Penelope Garcia), Rossi made sure Reid knew his dislike towards her.

It was like Spencer was a high schooler with his first ever girlfriend who happened to be a drug dealer or something of the sort and Rossi was the concerned parent. Rossi even said once, “I think she’s a bad influence,” Bad influence?

She was a diagnosed kleptomaniac, meaning she had constant urges to steal things, whether it was of interest to her or not. Spencer assumed Rossi thought her constant need to steal would rub off on him? He wasn’t sure.

One, it doesn’t work that way. Two, Spencer did not feel inclined to steal anything. Well, except her sweaters evey now and then.

But that’s different.

The point is that Rossi did not like Y/N. Not one bit. However, he decided to have a little party at his place (mega-mansion), inviting the BAU, some other agents, and their families to enjoy a night of real pasta and real wine and quality time.

After everyone received their invites, Spencer brought up the courage to speak to Rossi about it, forcing himself to move in front of Rossi’s desk, “Rossi,” he began, throat feeling dry.

“Yes, Reid?” the older man looked up from his paperwork.

“About the party…” he trailed off, scratching his arm in nervousness.

“Don’t tell me you’re not coming!” Rossi’s eyes narrowed as he straightened up in his chair, placing down his pen, “Everyone is going to be there!”

“Well not everyone…” Spencer replied, alluding to what he was asking.

Rossi blinked at him, “Yes, everyone. The rest of the team is going to be there!”

“You invited Kelly but not Y/N,” Spencer stated bluntly. Kelly was Morgan’s Woman of the Month™, who he has known for not even a month. “Morgan has been with her for a few weeks and she got invited but not my girlfriend I’ve dated for over a year?” he looked to the side, not wanting to meet Rossi’s eyes, “It doesn’t seem fair,”

“Spencer,” Rossi began, folding his hands together on the desk, “Do you really think I’m going to let a diagnosed kleptomaniac into my house? My house with very expensive stuff a kleptomanic would love to get their hands on?”

“Okay, but she won’t steal anything,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’ll be watching her!”

“But you’re supposed to be watching me,” Rossi paused, realizing how narcissistic that sounded, “Watching me cook,” he decided to say, “Not babysitting your woman-child. Who is a thief,”

“Was-”

“-Is,” Rossi interrupted, “Remember the first case she helped us on-?”

“-We don’t have to talk about that,” Spencer groaned.

Due to Y/N’s history, she helped in a handful of cases when the team was stuck. The first one was sneaking into the home of an unsub. A rich unsub with a variety of different little trinkets and nick-nacks. A kleptomaniac’s worst nightmare. Once she was out of the mansion, Spencer had to take the time to strip her of all stolen objects.

“I’ll bring a box to dump everything she steals and give it to you,” Spencer tried to persuade, biting his bottom lip, “I just… I want her to feel like she’s part of the family too.”

Now that had Rossi thinking. He wanted to shout out “No! She is not part of the family,” because Grandpa Rossi said so, but the actual rational part of his mind spoke first, “Fine. I’ll make sure to make enough spaghetti alle vongole for her as well,”

Spencer’s eyes lit up, “Thank you, Rossi! I’ll make sure she has the date saved!” he practically skipped off to his desk, making Rossi roll his eyes fondly.

“I need to install cameras,” Rossi muttered to himself.

___

The day of the party came, Y/N pulling into the packed driveway, “Oh, he’s so going to hate me even more,”

“No, he’s not,” Spencer replied sternly, shaking his head, “Because you’re going to be too busy having fun and mingling and eating Rossi’s spaghetti alle vongole to swipe anything,”

“Aw, baby,” she pinched his cheek, “You have too much faith in me,”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m serious!”

“So am I,” Y/N shut off the engine, unbuckling her seatbelt, “He might arrest me at some point tonight,”

“No, he won’t,” Spencer groaned, pinching his nose, “Please, don’t make me handcuff you to a piece of furniture or something,”

“I’d like to see you try,” she dangled his handcuffs in the air before swiftly exiting the vehicle.

“What the hell…” Spencer got out of the car as well, hands going to his belt. Cuffs were gone, “I still don’t know how you do that,”

“Well, y’know how you do your little magic tricks. This is my magic,” she shrugged, with a grin, taking his hand, “Lead the way, babe. Rossi should see you first before he shoots me for trespassing or something,”

“Dramatic,” but he lead her off to the front door anyway, ready for whatever disaster could potentially be coming, “Thank you for agreeing to come. I know you didn’t really want to,”

Y/N shrugged, squeezing his hand, “I like pasta,”

Rolling his eyes, Spencer replied, “Yeah, that’s all you came here for. The pasta,”

She laughed, “And because I want the people you care about to like me. Including Mr. Mafia Man. By the way, if I turn up missing or something, it’s not because I left you or anything. I’m being held hostage. Or murdered. Yeah?”

“He’s not going to make you ‘disappear’ or anything,” Cue another eye roll from Spencer.

“We’ll see,” Y/N was the one to knock on the door, always radiating confidence. They could already hear Henry, JJ’s son, shouting from inside. “I mean we could always just go home and watch a movie, actually…” Y/N always said she doesn’t want kids, though she got along with them, including Henry, very well.

“You’re all talk, y’know?” Spencer mused, laughing softly.

“Hm?”

“You’re all talk. You act like kids are the worst thing ever, but you’re so good with them. Even Henry-”

The door swung open, Henry greeting them with a big grin, “UNCLE SPENCER! Y/N!” Henry was always very loud.

“Hey, buddy, you know you shouldn’t be opening the door, only grown-ups should do that,” Y/N told him, ruffling his hair fondly. Y/N who supposedly hated children. Y/N who disliked children so much yet was turning Henry into like a mini-version of her. Girls’ Generation fan and all.

“They can’t hear the door from the kitchen,” Henry replied simply, “Wanna see the new DINOSAUR TOYS I got?!”

And with that, Y/N was being dragged off.

Spencer made his way through the thickening crowd of fellow agents and their families till he found some more familiar faces: the rest of the BAU. Morgan was the first to spot him.

“Hey, Reid, where’s your girl?” he asked, leaning against the kitchen counter as Rossi hastily did his Rossi Cooking Magic.

“Henry’s got her,” Spencer replied, “You know how it is,”

“Ah yeah, the kid and the overgrown kid,” Morgan laughed.

“At least she’s entertained so he doesn’t cause trouble,” JJ added with a grin, taking a small sip of her red wine. She took the liberty to pour Spencer a glass and hand it to him.

Rossi scoffed, shaking his head while eyeing the boiling noodles, “It’s not Henry I’m worried about,”

“We know, Rossi,” Garcia deadpanned with a playful eyeroll, “You’ve told us many times,”

“What do you mean?” asked Spencer, raising a brow.

“We’ve been told to stay on high alert to make sure Y/N doesn’t snatch any prized possessions,” Hotch explained with a grin of sorts. The most you would get from Hotch usually.

“She’s not going to snatch any prized possessions!” at this point Spencer was getting frustrated, and Y/N, eyeing him from across the room, thought he looked absolutely adorable. His pouty expression and crossed arms. She was absolutely obsessed with him.

As the BAU bickered, Y/N took out a little trinket from her pocket and placed it back where it belonged.

She then felt eyes on her. Shit. When you go through a life of constant thievery, you learn to trust your gut. And her gut was telling her she was being glared at hard.

And so she turned, giving David Rossi an awkward wave. He narrowed his eyes at her before looking back down at the food, though he whispered something to Spencer. Double shit.

“Hehe, they caught you,” Henry giggled from his spot on the floor, laying on his belly as his dinosaurs embarked on an incredible war. The t-rex landed a fatal blow, the raptor collapsing onto the hardwood.

Y/N sighed, sitting next to him, “Don’t be like me, kid. It’s not fun,”

“Mommy says stealing is bad,” he replied, eyes still on his batting toys.

“Your mommy is right,”

“Then why do you do it?” he threw the toys to the ground, looking at her in curiosity.

Y/N bit her bottom lip, shrugging, “Well, I can’t control it. Even as much as I want to,”

“Sooooo…” Henry trailed off, in thought, “If your brain said to steal my dinosaurs, you would?”

“Nine times out of ten, yeah,” she nodded, “Though most of the time I return whatever I’ve stole without anyone realizing-” her head snapped into the direction of the kitchen, meeting Rossi’s eyes again. She flushed, folding her hands on her lap to show innocence.

He continued glaring at her for a moment, before gasping as the noodles began to boil over, “Shit shit shit shit-”

“Perhaps you should stay on task?” Prentiss suggested with a laugh. Thank you, Emily! Prentiss was one of the first members of the BAU to accept Y/N. At this point, the whole team liked Y/N. She treated Spencer very well, had a stable career, and most importantly, Spencer was hopelessly devoted to her. And she was the same with him. Everyone liked Y/N, except for one person. That one person obviously being Rossi.

Rossi who was cursing under his breath as he rushed the pot to the sink, dumping the water before it could make a mess on the floor.

Y/N smirked softly, turning her attention back to Henry, “Dave said a bad word.”

“You say bad words too,” Henry shot back. True that.

“Okay, you got me there,” she laughed, getting back to her feet and making her way over to Spencer who was silently observing everyone else. With a grin, she quietly crept towards him, arms going around his waist from behind.

“Shit!” he gasped, almost spilling his wine, “I have a white shirt you could have ruined it-”

“-I’d get you a new one,” Y/N shrugged simply, resting her head on his shoulder (luckily she had on her heeled boots, because Spencer was tall). “You know you can talk to everyone else, right?” she teased sofly, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Well, yeah,” he tried to feign confidence, immediately falling flat, “I just like to observe,” his free hand went down, placed ontop of hers.

Her eyes then landed on the counter. Pepper shaker. There was a pepper shaker. Well of course there was a pepper shaker, Rossi was cooking! But why did she want to take it? A freaking pepper shaker of all things! Something so boring and useless to her at the moment-

“Nope,” Spencer put down his wine glass, turning around and putting his hands onto her shoulders, “No,”

“No what?” she blinked, tilting her head to look past him.

“Babe, what do you need a pepper shaker for? I can see what you’re looking at.”

“I don’t need it,” she replied dryly, “Not planning on frying freaking eggs or anything,” her urges were honestly infuriating. She was constantly frustrated with herself because of her lack of self-control.

“Exactly. You don’t need it. Hey,” his hands went from her shoulders to her own, “If you see something you want to grab, take my hands instead. Okay?”

The corners of her lips slowly formed into the ghost of a smile, “Okay,” she was totally going to abuse this privilege. Spencer didn’t like to be touched, partly because of his indesire of physical contact and partly because he was a germophobe. He was always different with her, incredibly affectionate, though Y/N still tried to limit the contact to not overstimulate him in any way.

“Remember. You want to steal something? Come to me instead,”

“Come to you instead-” Seeing an appetizer of Caprese salad set out on the table, Y/N immediately swiped a plate and some food, mind already elsewhere, “Hell yeah,”

Spencer sighed, sitting next to her as she ate away. Her free hand slowly reached out until it was grasping his. He smiled gently at her, squeezing her hand fondly, until she turned the whole upper half of her body at lightning speed, glaring straight at David Rossi, who was already giving her an annoyed look.

“I think he’s going to shoot me now,” she muttered, turning back to her Caprese salad, “Everyone knows not to turn their back on their enemy,” She swiftly looked over her shoulder, making eye contact with Rossi again, “You think he has some other ex-mobsters lurking around here undercover?”

“No,”

“How could you be so sure?” she grumbled.

“You think he’s going to shoot you? An FBI agent? Surrounded by other FBI agents?”

“You never know…”

Henry sauntered on over, tugging at Y/N’s sleeve, “Y/N! Can we play music on the speaker?” a devilish grin appeared on his face, Y/N mirroring it.

“I like the way you think, kiddo. Quick, before Dave sees and kills me,” she slid off the chair and she followed Henry off. Spencer rubbed at his temples, watching her to make sure she doesn’t steal anything without him knowing. He then felt like Rossi and tore his gaze away, fiddling with his fingers.

Until she called over her shoulder, “Baby, can you get me a beer, please?”

“Oh! Yes, of course,” Spencer stood up, wondering if Rossi even had beer. He was a wine kind of guy. Making his way back to the kitchen, he asked him, “Do you have beer?”

Rossi made a face, “Beer?”

“I brought some myself,” Morgan replied with a laugh, going to the fridge and pulling out two, “What brand?”

“She likes Corona,” Spencer took the Corona bottle from Morgan’s left hand, “Thank you,”

“Wanna see a cool trick?” Morgan smirked, “Watch and learn…”

Spencer’s brows furrowed, but he did not object, allowing Morgan to expertly pop off the cap with bare fingers. He was flabbergasted, “How did you do that?!”

“Heh,” he replied cockily, “Practice,” he placed down his bottle onto the counter, “And technique. How about I show you?”

And so the two fools stood in the middle of Rossi’s kitchen while the older man worked, attempting to open Y/N’s Corona. Emily, JJ, and Penelope watched the duo, giggling to themselves at how pathetic this was looking. This did not seem to be working.

Eventually, Y/N was tired of waiting, excusing herself from her deep and meaningful conversation about the song playing (“Mr Mr” by Girls’ Generation) with Henry and the other few kids, walking back to the kitchen.

Just as Spencer yanked at the bottle, hissing as he drew blood. He and Morgan gasped at the same time, panicking. Emily and JJ exchanged glances as the two started bickering in panic, Rossi promptly ignoring them.

“What the hell is going on?” Y/N finally asked, brows raised in confusion. Spencer and Derek stopped their crazed actions, looking at each other before looking at Y/N.

After a moment, Spencer gave Y/N puppy-dog eyes and shuffled towards her, “I sustained a superficial laceration to the epidermal layer of my finger, that’s all,”

“You got a cut?” she deadpanned, taking his wrist and assessing the damage, “Shit, baby. How’d you do that?”

“Erm, don’t worry about it,” he replied in embarrassment.

“David, do you have a first aid kit anywhere?” Y/N asked her arch nemesis, who nodded.

“Check under any sink in the bathrooms,” he replied.

And so Y/N dragged Spencer off to one of Rossi’s many bathrooms, beginning to fuss over him, “Keep your finger here,” she grumbled, turning on the faucet and letting the cold water hit his wound, “Don’t move,”

“Yes, ma’am,” at this point he was like a puppy who was in trouble with his owner, staring down at his bleeding finger as she opened a cabinet, pulling out a first aid kit. Opening it up, Y/N surveyed what was inside. After a bit, Spencer finally tore his gaze away from his bleeding finger, narrowing his eyes at Y/N as she shoved bandaids into her pockets, “...what the fuck?”

She jumped, snapping back to reality, “Shit… I don’t need bandaids,” She always knew she was being insane if Spencer was spitting curses at her. Spencer who barely ever swore.

“No, you don’t need fucking bandaids. I could really use a fucking bandaid right now,”

“Yes, yes, you could use a bandaid right now,” she muttered, stuffing the bandaids back into the first aid kit half-hazard, grabbing a disinfectant wipe, “Let me see the damage again,”

Spencer turned off the faucet and held out his hand, Y/N dabbing at the cut with the wipe. He zoned out as she scolded him, leaning forward and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Stop trying to be cute,”

“I’m not trying to be cute,” he replied. He paused, before adding: “It’s quiet in here,”

“Yes, because we’re in a bathroom, sweetie,”

He rolled his eyes, but a smile slowly formed on his lips, “Can we stay here for a bit? It’s so loud out there,”

“Overwhelming, huh?”

“Yeah. Really overwhelming.”

“We can stay here,” Y/N smiled gently, grabbing a bandaid and wrapping it around his finger.

When the food was finally finished, Rossi went in search of Spencer and his thief girlfriend.

He expected to find Spencer arguing with her as she attempted to steal an expensive art piece or one of his many collectibles, surprised to find that they were still in the bathroom.

And surprise turned into pleasantly surprised finding them seated on the floor together, Spencer’s head on her shoulder as she played with his hair.

Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.

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