#child!deidara

[hinakazino]

Tobi’s Sister? || Akatsuki w/ child!reader

Summary: You’re tobi’s sister, that’s it. You may also be the one the Akatsuki love most.

Warnings: Fluff, tiny bit of angst.

Inspired by this piece: uchihas w/ sister!reader.

You were the last Uchiha ever born, as in you were born a little over a year before the Uchiha Clan Massacre. Obito had known about your presence as it was no secret when a new member was arriving.

Although it was traditional to keep quiet about it until around the 2nd semester out of worry for stressing out the mother. He still found out anyway, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it.

Your arrival was a heartwarming moment. Your mother was very happy for you filled up her heart. Her heart which was dull, was now filled with hope, from the previous loss of her son, him.

It was unfortunate then, that not long after having you that she had gone. That the whole clan had gone, except for you and Sasuke. Obito had debated on your worth but ultimately he chose to keep you and Madara didn't seem to be against it.

Madara himself hearing that he had a little sister had simply said that "we should at least leave out some hope for our clan". So, on the night of the Uchiha massacre you were taken to a secret location, death faked.

From that point on, Obito had raised you on his own and he soon found that you were his love. You were so sweet and adorable, he didn't want anything happening to you. When you came he swore no feelings towards you, yet now you are his weakness.

It wasn't like Obito hid his face from you either, but he knew that he had to keep his plan foolproof so he never told you his real name, sticking to Tobi/big brother. He'd save that revelation for when you were much older.

By the age of 3, you were a healthy toddler who was energetic and intelligent. You picked up things quicker than others, such as walking and talking. Although you weren't a professional you could communicate what you wanted. It was at this age that Obito introduced you to the Akatsuki. Most of the members were surprised by this. Not really by the point that Tobi had this child with him who he had a brotherly relationship with, but more so the point that Pain actually allowed you into the organization.

By the age of 4 you had gotten used to your environment, you were an energetic child. Tobi was personally worried about how the Akatsuki would treat you but nothing bad came out of it. You were given all you needed and treated with the utmost respect.

It was honestly laughable, how the akatsuki. The most powerful criminal organization, dawned in their signature black, red cloud cloaks had this small child. In her small puffy dress running around.

The truth was that not all of the akatsuki knew you personally, they knew you exist but not all have met you. It was decided that you'd be with the main group.

Pain was at a loss of words, truly, when you were introduced into the equation. He knew right away that you were definitely an uchiha and that you had quite a strong bond with Tobi (for him, "Madara").

But it seemed that out of all things Tobi sincerely meant everything he said about you. He had even cited how Pain and Konan wanted to create a place where children could be happy, "a place I hope she'll be," he said while cradling your sleeping form.

So, Pain ultimately did let you in but not without stating his own terms. Handling a child was not at all easy and if you were to stay with them. You should at least be trained to an extent where you were useful.

After all, the organization doesn’t want any people who’d slow them down. At least, that was the original reason, deep down Pain did feel the need to protect you.

Ultimately a plan was devised, they’d take care of you, teach you, and train you. The more difficult things could be dealt with later on. So, a teaching plan was developed for you when you became apart of the Akatsuki.

Kakuzu had known of your arrival long before any of the other members. As previously Pain had consulted him on this as part of the budget would be put towards taking care of you. This, greatly annoyed Kakuzu.

Kakuzu didn't understand why Pain even cared about you to this extent. He saw this as wasted money, baby formula and diapers weren't cheap. But thankfully, he didn't have to worry about that because by the time you were established as a member you didn't need that anymore.

He eventually didn't mind you at all as you weren't that big of an annoyance. You weren't that interested in him at first. Eventually though due to Pains plan Kakuzu would have to teach you mathematics.

A class, which, to your dismay and Kakuzu's you disliked. Nonetheless he was at least grateful you absorbed knowledge and was quite shocked whenever you'd join into his money-speaking conversations with Hidan.

Hidan was one of the most shocked members, "oh I wonder how strong she is!" he had said. Then when your small form peaked out from behind Tobi, Konan had to reminded him that you were just a child.

Hidan got along with you easily though, and it was no secret the rest of the members enjoyed the "tea parties" you'd host with him and Deidara. Hidan greatly enjoyed your innocence to the world.

Especially your reaction to new things. He remembers laughing so hard when he had you try french fries for the first time, or when you'd seen a shooting star for the first time. He made sure of course, to tell you to make a wish. He really enjoyed your company.

Despite this, Hidan wasn't given an educational role but more so a babysitter rule. It wasn't ideal but he was like a guard for you, since he enjoyed your company he was tasked with keeping an eye on you most of the time.

Deidara reacted exactly like Hidan had, he didn't expect you to be a kid though honestly! When he first saw you he honestly thought you were quite cute. You were so chubby and soft, he loved whenever he'd come back from a long mission. You'd run and hug him!

It was even better when Hidan and him would compete for who you'd hug first. However most of the time you wouldn't choose or just run to Konan instead.

Deidara, unlike Hidan, although being assigned to watch over you partly also was your art teacher. Deidara was not allowed to use explosions at all with you, this was strictly forbidden by Pain and more so by Tobi. Not like he would though after seeing how easily you could get injured. You had merely fell but it'd left you with two bleeding knees that healed fast thankfully since you were still young, but had scared you for awhile. It hurt Deidara to witness that, who would enjoy that anyway?

He mainly just has you make sculptures with him, and it isn't like he hates doing other things besides sculptures. So besides his tendency to destroy things in "the name of art" he really doesn't do that with you also because you had cried once. That was when he realized you were more of a collection person.

Sasori hadn’t given any reaction at all when you’d arrived. He saw it like this, as long as you didn’t disturb him he wouldn’t you. However, it seems like Pain had other plans.

As you technically had to be taught besides being taken care of. It turns out that Sasori had been chosen to be your science teacher. He wasn’t particularly fond of this idea as a child such as you seemed quite dumb, no?

Well he was wrong about you being dumb because you were quite intelligent for your age, but not obedient. Sasori was a man who’d get the job done though so he found a way around your constant moving. It didn't take a genius to figure out kids were active.

He was actually starting to enjoy teaching you then, as you were always excited when he said he had something new for you. You absorbed knowledge from him and always praised him. This stroked his ego a lot.

He was especially impressed at your reaction to his puppets. You’d let out the loudest squeal he’d ever heard and hadn’t even realized it was a puppet. You reminded him of when he was young, and it made him get closer to you.

Itachi had just accepted your presence, although your age shocked him a bit. He was technically considered young himself when he had joined the Akatsuki, and besides he'd seen much worse.

At first, he didn't know how to interact with you but introductions were said and done with Pain's assignment for him. Itachi was to be your actual babysitter, he got you ready for meals, helped dress you, and more.

Pain knew out of everyone here Itachi was kind with kids and knew how to be responsible. Which is why Itachi is your Nanny, always reminding you of naps, rest, and shower time.

It was a bit debated whether it would be Konan or Itachi but Konan was normally rather busy and Itachi had swore to Tobi no harm would come to you. He wasn't one to break promises either. Itachi tried to not become attached to you emotionally but clearly failed. He didn't want to lose another person, or worst comes to worst, be the one to take out that said person. He wasn't an idiot, he knew you were an Uchiha from the moment he laid eyes on you. It was the most shocking of all in your first meeting. He couldn't help feeling grateful in the end however, to know that at least one person was spared from the massacre. This was soon combined with a feeling of guilt though as he knew you were entangled in much more now, he vowed he'd protect you if he could, just like Sasuke.

Eventually, you had come to love Itachi just like a brother, he gave you a sense of familiarity and was super gentle. The same could be said for Itachi, who now saw Sasuke in you.

Kisame was quite amused when you'd joined the Akatsuki. Wouldn't it be rather fun for people to hear of this? Well, either way he thought you'd be scared of him on your first meeting.

Turns out you weren't in the least, you were really curious about him too. When you'd first met your hands had touched his face all over, but what made you love him the most was how high he could lift you.

This was when Kisame first learned just how much kids loved to be tossed around (gently) and he always made sure to lower his strength around you. He actually was quite entertained with you, not as bored as he’d thought.

He was assigned to be your swim teacher, expected really. He began teaching you right away and quickly caught onto your fear of the deep water. Not to fear though because Tobi was there watching your first couple lessons and Kisame controlled the waters to prevent any harm.

He did his best to make the waters seem calm and fun. Whenever he could he’d take you to the beach or a lake. Sometimes Itachi would even tag along with you two as he watched Kisame swim out with you.

Kisame felt proud knowing you were learning quickly. He had bragged about it once to Hidan and Deidara too. They had called him soft towards you but it wasn’t necessarily a lie.

Konan lastly, was your Language/Biology teacher, she came around more often after you came into the equation. You were so adorable in her eyes and she loved whenever you’d run into her arms.

Konan loved your squishy chubby cheeks, most of all your cute voice when you called her name. She was assigned as your biology teacher for obvious reasons. Although this is a more later role she would help you through puberty and such.

She was also your language teacher, helping you learn the characters and to read. Enjoying the fun moment she’d have with you on her lap reading along. You were a kind presence in her world, a reminder of what she hopes to work towards.

Konan is happy to take care of you and you view her much like an older sister. She teaches you so much, and is a very encouraging person. Helping you gain new experiences and also protecting you as much as she can.

© 2023 by Hinakazino, do not translate/edit/claim or use my work in any form.

[thatlazybones]

deidara for yellow! now it’s my fav color, green!

give me more characterss

[evilkitten3]

do you guys think deidara like. knew how old tobi was. do u think he knew this guy was in his 30s. do you think he knew that

[ladykissingfish]

Obito: Okay, Sasori. You owe me. You owe me for warning you about Kakuzu's plan to sell some of your puppets while you go on that mission next week. Christmas is coming up, and I believe you owe me one hell of a present. Sasori: I suppose you have a right to assume that I'm temporarily indebted to you. What do you want from me? Obito: Deidara. Sasori, sighing: Again with this? You've been fighting me on this for over a year. He made a choice. He chose me. Accept it with grace and focus your attentions on someone else. Obito: You expect me to take my soulmate being with someone else lightly? You want me to just go off somewhere while you two get married, have children, and live happily ever after? Sasori: Part of growing up, kid. Obito: Don't you "kid" me, asshole. You're only a couple of years older than I am. Sasori: But infinitely wiser. I know that trying to force a person to love you, when they love someone else, just doesn't work. It only involves pain and misery for all parties involved. Deidara is mine. I would die before I see anybody take him from me. Obito: But -- Sasori: Tell you what, Uchiha; next week, on my mission to Konoha, I'll find somebody perfect for you. Somebody from your home town ought to have a great deal in common with you. What do you say? Obito, sighing: I doubt it, puppet. *two weeks later* Sasori: Uchiha? I've returned. And I believe I've found the perfect man for you! Strong, smart, funny, a splendidly talented ninja. And he even says he knows you! Obito, in his head: Could ... could he have actually brought ... Bakashi?? Obito: W-where is he? Sasori: *takes Obito's arm and pulls him into the kitchen* Here he is! Obito, meet -- Obito: GAI?! Gai, currently stuffing his face from the Akatsuki fridge: Well look who it is! You're my splendid rival's dead friend, er, Tonito, right? This guy *gestures to Sasori* said you were desperate and needed a date, so here I am! I thought we could go to the gym and do some weight sets, then take a jog around the country, then -- Sasori, to Obito: Merry Christmas, kid! Obito:

[ao3dorian-gay]

oh my mind is so huge and has so many folds

[kason-nvidiade-art]

Yamanaka Drano, the unfortunate love child between Ino and Deidara. She can't fucking see because her parents decide one eye must be covered at all times and Because Anime Logic that means she'll have BOTH eyes covered right?

RIGHT?

Anyway, if Naruto can name his son Bolt, and Sasuke/Sakura can name their child Salad. Ino and Deidara can name their kid Drano, I don't make the rules, I just laugh at them.

This is also from something I drew in high school when my humor was a lot better, I have a few more old but still funny comics so I'll redraw and post....whenever.

[faerociousbeast]

it IS insane actually. if youve watched the first episodes with me, you know why it was so important naruto didnt wear his makeup while he was getting his photo taken? bc if he ever went rogue they use those photos to identify them. 12 year old sasukes class photo was in a bingo book

[reddawnmultimuse]

"I may hate Uchiha, but I'm not going to hate on Uchiha children, hn. I'm not that much of a hypocrite."

[dolliestfairy]

Tw : Noncon/Dubcon, Predator x Prey kink, fear kink, Manhandle (?) & Outdoor sex. lmk if i miss anything. Chubby Reader Fics With No Skintone Of Reader Mentioned.

Mdni!

Currently thinking abt men who have a predator x prey kink. Men who love to see your trembling expression when he act like some merciless predator. men who loves to play hide and seek with you. despite his own self being a grown man, he cant help but get even more turned on when he sees your scared expression, while his hand pinch your chubby cheeks, only to make you more trembling in fear.

"look at you.. all scared and stuff... you're only making me more excited y'know?"

he's a man who is soo thrilled when he was chasing you. catching you around like a crazy dude, its only a matter of time before his hand get onto your clothes and easily ripped them off, and later on, you'll be getting pinned down beneath him while your pussy service his cock, laughing as a respond from him to your cries, slapping your fat belly and grabbing them with a very harsh grip. and.. ngl you both are going to look like some wild animals fucking each other in the woods, but dont worry though. he's a mass fucking possesive dude. theres no fucking way he'll let some random stranger look at your body. your body is all his and his only for see and touch. and if you forget it? he'll gladly reminds you.

The Men That i'm talking about Are;

GETO SUGURU, OBITO, Itoshi Brothers, MIYA ATSUMU, KUROO TETSURO, Tsukishima Kei, HOSHIGAKI KISAME, ALEC, Sakamaki Brothers, MUKAMI BROTHERS, Lev Haiba, TENDOU, MADARA, KIBA, ITTO, Childe, Scaramouche, POSEIDON, SEBASTIAN, Malleus, HADES, SHIVA, OVERHAUL, SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY, Horangi, Alejandro, HIDAN, Deidara, Sasori, KAKUZU, OROCHIMARU, UCHIHA SASUKE, SUKUNA RYOMEN & Bachira.

DID I FORGET ANYONE? INSERT UR FAV!

[animeyanderelover]

Anon: Can I have headcanons about a reader who is much older? I mean, she is older, smarter, wiser, stronger although she looks young for her age. During her long life, she has experienced a lot of terrible things and therefore cannot tolerate injustice. She is not a hero who wants to change the world, but she will not offend the weak. She has such a specific aura of a mother that you involuntarily go to her for advice (and she gives it) When the character talks about his age, she just smiles and thinks, “he’s still just a child.” Featuring Chrollo, Shalnark, Dazai, Deidara, Kurapika, Pouf, Gojo

This is to be read in a platonic context.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, isolation

Tags: @swagenemyartisan @cachamata @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @hyakki-yosai @shenryu-sama @maggiequinn59 @shumidehiro @izanami78

You're still just a child

Deidara

💥​Deidara truly is a walking talking contradiction. On the one hand he often complains to you that he doesn't want to be treated like a child yet as soon as he is even slightly upset or offended by something or someone he comes running to you with a big pout on his face. Despite everything at heart he remains an attention-seeker after all who would hate to witness you paying attention to someone else. He is truly a breathing manchild though as his temper really reminds you of the bratty attitude of a child. It is so easy to make him jealous to the point where he has actually threatened to bomb the people who elicited such ugly emotions out of him only to be scolded and afterwards receiving the cold shoulder from you, something that causes him to actually tear up. As much as he complains about not wanting to be treated like a child, Deidara still insists for you to brush his hair and tie it in the morning whenever he stays the night. He's always without a fail complaining to you about Sasori and their constant arguments about what the true definition of art is, wanting you to take his side of the argument. On every special celebration possible he prepares a firework for you.

Kurapika Kurta

⛓️​Kurapika is going to go into this a lot more skeptical. It's alright to have friends who are not part of his clan but going as far as to see someone as a mother is testing his loyalty to his clan as Kurapika is painfully aware that you aren't his biological parent. He often shies away from your attention and rejects your help as the feeling of betraying his own clan gnaws at his soul. Still he finds himself subconsciously seeking you out whenever he experiences an emotional tumult, already knowing deep down that you can soothe his overflowing rage. He starts getting quite selfish the more he gets attached to you as he attempts to isolate you more from others. After all it is not uncommon for people to admire you for your strength and your youthful looks despite your age and such people always put him on edge. You are by all means far from naive yet his distrust often outweights his rationality. You never fail to notice his brooding emotions and always put a calming hand on his shoulder, emotionally and literally holding him back. You have never attempted to take the morally high ground when you found out about his desire for revenge, never belittled him and it allows him to express his pain freely to you.

Chrollo Lucilfer

📖​Intrigue is always the emotion that will serve as the bait to gain Chrollo's attention and it truly is no different in this scenario. You see, Chrollo has always been rather sophisticated with a unique philosophy and he loves having long discussions with you about humanity and all their rights and wrongs. You're neither driven by revenge nor are you someone who sees herself as a hero who has to stop him. Instead you listen to him with that gentle look on your face and it only serves as fuel to Chrollo's curiosity as he rarely witnesses such composure. However, he is not quite sure how he should feel about the way you view him as still a child. Sure, you may be older than him but throughout his life Chrollo has learnt that even adults reverted back to crying babies when he confronted them and promised them death. The concept of a mother is something neither he nor any of the other members of the Phantom Troupe have experienced, the strange warmth within his heart a sensation so unfamiliar that it feels alien. Still, he supposes that it's quite nice. I feel like in this specific dynamic he would actually refrain from stealing your Nen-ability simply because he genuinely respects you.

Shalnark

📱��Usually his sweet smiles are very deceiving but they are always genuine whenever he visits you. Whilst Shalnark harbored some distrust against you during the beginning as years of being a thief and criminal have given him direct exposure to the ugliness of humans he has learnt to realise that you aren't like common people. You have had your own share of struggles and injustice and it is a topic he learns to bond over with you as well as learning to respect you for your physical and mental strength as a consequence of your past. Indeed, the two of you may appear like a mother and her sweet son spending time together yet there is always a sinister motive that lies hidden. Shalnark always pays you a visit after a successful mission the Phantom Troupe committed as it is a nice change of pacing. Initially he brings you souvenirs as a gift, most of them stolen objects from the robbery. It becomes quickly clear though that you do not appreciate such presents, especially if the blood of innocents sticks to them like invisible karma. If you should have difficulties regarding technology and electronical devices Shalnark is always there to help you and fix stuff for you.

Shaiapouf

🎻​Shaiapouf gives you intense hatred after you pick him up from the palace where he almost died, blames your kind for the death of his beloved king and heavily blames himself for not having done more. You should have saved the king and not this unworthy and incapable servant. He only complies begrudgingly because you are stronger than he is and his animal genes accept the natural order of the food chain where you stand above him. Born to serve and born to help his majesty to receive greatness, perhaps it is this desperate wish that slowly leads him to push his ideals on you. He notices the spark of potential, starts clinging to the attention and care you give him as he receives a taste of what it must feel like to have a nurturing mother. Shaiapouf hatched already as an adult who knew of his purpose and already possessed great levels of intelligence yet the more love he receives the more he starts reminding you of a child. Still dedicated to serve and protect yet also constantly seeking approval and damning everyone who may even attempt to date you. It is somewhat endearing though, especially if he splits himself and you have multiple mini hims clinging to you.

Dazai Osamu

🤎​You indeed ended up picking up a stray dog with several issues after stopping him from trying one of his many attempts to die. Dazai keeps up his initial antics as he asks you if you would like to join him, quickly shoot him down by revealing your age which elicits one of his theatrical reactions out of him. The truth is that Dazai never had loving parents and much less a mother who nurtured him and cared for him and even if he would have had one he doubts she would have been able to love him for the monster he used to be and partially still is. It is this inexperience that startles him when he receives tastes of it from you. It is a sensation akin to being submerged in scathing hot water, his mind torn apart between pain and a strange comfort that urges him to drown even deeper. What frightens him even more is your willingness to listen to him in order to understand him better, something he has never received before as most people have just learned to live with his antics and brush them off when he lets them out. Pain makes someone wiser and that applies perfectly to you and Dazai can't help himself but seek you out for advice, searches for the answer of what he was made for by seeking out you.

Gojo Satoru

🩵​You've known Gojo since he entered Jujutsu High, actually decided to tutor him despite having retired after the world failed you. Partially you see yourself in this young boy and it is this urge to teach him to not repeat mistakes of the past that leads you to take him in, officially becoming his first teacher as he was only ever taught the basics by his own family. You seek out the boy underneath those blue eyes on a personal level no one has ever bothered to get to know him on. What makes Gojo Satoru Gojo Satoru? So used to being treated like a valuable weapon than someone's son it is almost sickening for a while for Satoru and even though he attempts to hide it beneath that careless grin you sense his distress and help him to work through it. After Suguru chose a path of hatred to walk on you are the only person Satoru still has left and on that day he breaks down in tears for the first time and clings to you like a weeping child in need of his mother's love and comfort. He completely turns his back on his biological parents, even coldly states to them one time that he only has one mother which is you. The only approval that matters is yours, the only attention he needs is yours.

[uh-oh-its-bird]

I'm not going to lie actually I think Kazuha and Xiao have the funniest potential for their plot lines. Kazuha especially tbh

Hear me out: Kazuha meets Deidara first.

He gets the whole art spiel from him and like, he's really just so chill actually. Deirara is going on this huge passionate rant about the fragility of life and the beauty of destruction and Kazuha is peacefully quoting a haiku back at him and telling him that his art is very unique and he appreciates what Deidara had shown him

Massive miscommunication where Kazuha, through Deidara, is somehow under the impression that Akatsuki is some sort of art group. Like the ninja equivalent of an arts and crafts club.

He's signing up thinking it'll just be a fun little gathering where maybe he can read a poem or two. Konan is saying something vuagley ominous about how once he joins he will be expected to participate and will not be allowed to simply leave them, they value loyalty among their peers. And Kazuha, who again, traveling samurai + often hangs around Beidou, has seen some seriously shady shit in his time so he's just like

"Ah yes, true art blossoms best when strong bonds are able to first take root and allow it to flourish :)"

To which Konan, who deals with the absoloute circus of freaks that is Akatsuki, just kinda goes "Yeah that sounds about right, please sign here."

Kazuha attends his first Akatsuki meeting ready to share some of his poems only to find the table topic being child kidnapping. He feels like he may have misunderstood something.

Konan is putting her head in her hands asking if anyone actually took the time to give him the mission statement.

The answer is no.

Suddenly everyone is talking over eachother trying to explain what their personal interpretation of the mission statement even is and none of them are really on the same page

Kazuku: Look all you really need to know is that whenever you get your mission pay, you make sure to turn that stuff over fast to make sure we can keep track of all the numbers.

Kazuha: We have missions?

Hidan: Like bounties n shit

Kazuha: So we're bounty hunters?

*vague noises of agreements mix with vague noises of disagreements across the table*

Pain: We are an organization dedicated to bringing peace to the world

Hidan: Through waves of endless blood and never ending violence!

Kisame: I guess you could say we're trying to make a kinder world

Kazuha: Through . . . terrorism?

Sasori: Personally I'm only here because I lost a fight

Deidara: I don't even wanna be here, yeah. I got tricked into joining

Tobi: wait this isn't a poetry group? :(

Itachi: *visibly dissosiating through this entire conversation*

Kazuha: I'm starting to feel like this may not be the best place for me

Deidara: Join the club, yeah

Tobi: Leader-sama can we have poetry night

Konan: We all agreed that any form of game night was banned after the property damage caused by last time.

Kisame: Does poetry count as a game?

Kazuha, suddenly a little more interested: I know several poetry games

Konan: Look, if we make poetry night a thing can I convince you to stay without one of us having to beat you half to death first?

Kazuha:

Kazuha:

Kazuha: Even in hostile terrain, a single bloom may grow strong if given the sunlight it needs to take root

Tobi, stage whispering: Konan are you sure you want this guy? He's kinda . . . *twirls finger around ear*

Hidan: oh yeah because you're the picture of sanity

Deidara: shut the fuck up you're both different flavors of a freakshow

Konan, rubbing her forhead as she ignores all of them: I'm taking that as a yes.

Poetry night was enacted and it was exactly as messy as you'd imagine. They can't not do it tho bc it's in Kazuha's contract now which means if they stop holding it he's legally allowed to leave somehow

And then akatsuki got so busy planning poetry night they forgot about the whole world domination thing or something idk the end

Naruto x Genshin crossover idea,,, save me naruto × genshin crossover idea,,,,,,, , , , ,,

Wedding of the Century

After a famously long and complicated courtship dance witnessed by the entirety of Liyue Harbor, Ningguang and Beidou are set to be wed. It's sure to be the wedding of the century, the great lady of the jade chamber and her her uncrowded lord of the ocean drawing in guests from across the nations.

But when the abyss order strikes before the happy couple can say "I do," several of the guests are launched through space and time and into another world entirely.

Ft.

Zhongli "the contract is set in stone" vs the web of lies and back stabbing that is shinobi politics

Chongyun's positive energy making Zetsu go "what the actual fuck is wrong with that kid" every time he gets within a 5 mile radius

Beidou "where the FUCK is my wife— oh hey is that sake" and Tsunade gambling together

A Xingqiu and Sai friendship that's sure to ruin just so many people's days

Xiao violently picking up Gaara and going "this one is child shaped" both at him and Shukaku individually, then deciding he should totally go on a quest to look at the other bijuu and maybe get mistaken for one himself along the way.

Kazuha getting to live up to that wandering samurai title and maybe accidentally join Akatsuki without fully knowing what he was signing up for just because it'd be really funny. He finally gets the full mission statement once he's joined and just kind of goes "Ah."

Venti, literal god of freedom, taking a good long look at the shinobi world then taking an even bigger, longer gulp from the nearest source of alcohol and going "alright baby time to get to work."

Ningguang and Keqing vs the absoloute fucking garbage disposal cranked up to full power that is the Konoha political scene (they are going to throw a hammer into it. That is a threat.)

Qiqi mistaking Orochimaru for Baizhu long enough to stick around, and accidentally dragging Orochimaru through what may pass for a redemption arc if you squint because of it

Childe having the time of his fucking LIFE somewhere out there in Kiri. There are horror stories being made as we speak about that guy losing his shit over there, he's absoloutley the first out of anyone to get his own super special corner of the bingo book out there

And the grand finale of the story where Ningguang and Beidou finally say I do and everyone claps

As always; will not be writing this! I don't have that kind of attention span! Feel free to pick this up or smthn I'd lose my mind (in a good way) if someone did actually. Just @ me if you do bc I'll eat that shit UP

[dark-konohagakure2]

heya ~ i love you deidara stuff and im a heavy simp for that man qwq can you write someting like "Deidara being jealous" kinda stuff? bc i see him as someone who likes to "mark" his property. Maybe something sfw and nsfw only if you d'accord with it 👀

tw: dubcon, possessiveness, jealousy, biting, cockwarming, exhibitionism, degradation, marking, manipulation

All characters depicted are 18+

Deidara is a hot-headed young man and he can get jealous rather easily, and he just barely has enough self control to hide it. He's especially possessive of his Akatsuki partner that he's had for a few months now, she's cute and seems to like his art, and that's all he needs to become smitten.

His jealousy won't flare up until he sees that damn Uchiha talking to her, not even flirting with her or being friendly, just... talking to her, but seeing someone he loathes so much being around his partner is enough to start his possessiveness streak.

Needless to say, Deidara doesn't take his eyes off her for even a moment now, treating her like a wandering child instead of his equal and an adult. Part of him wants to put a leash on her to keep her next to him at all times, but these thoughts only come to him late in the night when he's fisting his cock to thoughts of her.

Eventually his jealousy reaches a fever pitch one day seemingly out of nowhere, and he's dragging her away to berate her about her alleged infidelity towards him for the horrible, unforgivable crime of talking to her male teammates.

"What have I told you, hmm?! Not to talk to other guys, especially that goddamn Uchiha! But you never learn do you, dummy?!"

He decides that it's time that he marks his property, and Deidara can mark her up with three times the efficiency thanks to the mouths on his hands and the one on his face, he'll leave the bite marks on her neck, shoulders, chest, and he'll even bite into her cheek, wanting to make sure she can't hide the marks of his ownership.

But much to his anger, she does somehow find a way to hide all bite marks, even using makeup to cover the one on her cheek. Deidara is furious and can only come to one conclusion; she has to be doing it on purpose, and she's forced his hand into taking drastic measures.

He'll force her to sit on his lap during the next Akatsuki meeting, his cock hurried deep inside of her, the sensation making her squirm and tremble, but she can't do much in front of everyone, since she'd lose all their respect if they found out what was happening, although the members with Dojutsu such as Pain and Itachi (and Tobi unbeknownst to her and Deidara) are able to tell what's going on almost instantly.

The humiliation is enough to make the poor girl cry, much to Deidara's satisfaction, and he'll coo comforting words into her ear while still keeping his cock buried deep inside her womb. He'll teach this entire thing like a lesson she just has to learn, and Deidara is more than happy to be her teacher.

"Aww don't cry, I know how embarrassing this is for you, but this is what you get when you go ahead and make me all jealous on purpose, un!"

That little lesson he gave her should be enough to convince her to never leave his side or provoke his jealous side again, but if she does, Deidara wouldn't mind taking things up a notch and fucking her in front of the entire organization next time.

[cosmic-glow]

A Beach Day with Akatsuki

Summary: how would each of the Akatsuki members be in the cliche anime beach episode.

Warnings: mentions of deaths and alcoholic beverages. SFW.

Characters: Pein; Konan; Tobi; Zetsu; Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Hidan and Kakuzu (from Naruto).

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Kisame

Kisame liked the idea from the beginning.

As soon as he gets to the beach he goes straight to the water.

Likes to surf.

And it's really good at it.

He doesn't wear sunscreen.

He spends practically all day in the water.

He just goes out to pull someone out to sea with him.

Or to buy some ice cream.

He randomly comes out of the water sometimes and brings a very nice shell or rock and gives it to someone.

He tries to pull Itachi out to sea with him just to provoke him.

Kisame would come out of the water in the afternoon to watch the sun go down.

While drinking something refreshing, like coconut water or a drink.

That man was so comfortable.

It upsets him to have to leave the beach.

The next day he is locked in his room, sunburnt.

He doesn't want to go out for  doesn't have to overhear Itachi saying "I told you" for refusing to apply sunscreen.

Still, he really liked his day at the beach and would do it all over again.

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Kakuzu

He didn't want to come.

Like, beach is just a warm place with salt water and sand, what's fun about that? That's what he thinks.

He is really in a bad mood.

He can't even cool off in the sea because he can't swim due to his stitched up body.

He tries to relax sitting in the shade of the parasol while reading a book.

But any noise bothers him.

And a beach with Deidara, Hidan and Tobi is sure to be noisy.

He eventually decides to walk to the edge of the sea away from the group while checking his bingo book.

Was that or kill those three.

In the end, when he is well away from the group he manages to enjoy the beach a little.

He sits near some palm trees.

The waves gently lap at him feet in a relaxing manner.

And finally the silence that he loves so much.

He would only reappear in the group in the evening, when started to cool down.

He is not sad that he has to leave.

And he would never admit that he enjoyed the quiet moments he spent alone.

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Tobi/Obito

Ever since he learned that him be going to the beach he has been extremely anxious.

He is wearing those bathing suits that cover the whole body, like surfers do.

But he doesn't surf.

Yes, he is wearing the mask even on the beach.

Doesn't stop at any moment.

He would go into the sea to jump the waves and end up falling as soon as they took their eyes off him.

Then he would get up as if nothing had happened.

He has been bothering Deidara since they arrived.

"Wow Deidara-senpai, I didn't know your abdomen was so defined" - would be just one of the comments he make to tease the blond.

Tobi is a good boy, so he put sunscreen on the parts that his suit doesn't cover.

Takes too much ice cream and ends up freezing his brain.

He would not want to leave the beach.

Would only do it when it was getting dark.

Definitely a happy child enjoying his day at the beach.

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Hidan

For Akatsuki to be able to go to a beach it would have to be isolated.

And well, I'm saying this because Hidan was responsible for offering Jashin anyone who showed up bothering.

He's a narcissist and made a point of getting a swimsuit that didn't cover too much and value his ass.

At first, he avoids getting into the water because he doesn't want to get his hair wet.

But when he enters the sea it's scary to see how he spends hours underwater since he can't die by drowning.

Enjoys bothering Kakuzu... as usual.

He purposely wets Deidara's hair.

Hidan wasn't worried about sunscreen.

After all, he's immortal, what difference does it make?

What no one knows is that he ended up going through the fear of losing the pale shade he likes so much.

He has who brought the alcohol.

He keeps drinking and bothering others with silly pranks.

Leave the beach at the end of the sunset already drunk.

He found the day at the beach fun.

After all he didn't have to work and spent all day drinking and making fun of the members, why would he complain?

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Zetsu

He likes sunbathe.

Obviously him don't wear sunscreen, because he don't need it.

Would avoid going into the sea because of the salt water.

White Zetsu wants to make a sand castle.

But doesn't work out too well because black Zetsu refuses.

He likes to drink a lot of water.

Zetsu purposely walks away from the group.

He likes to be alone and it is no surprise to anyone.

He finds the sound of the sea very relaxing.

White Zetsu wants to take the little shells he finds home.

Black Zetsu wants to eat the crabs he finds.

At some point he would end up sleeping.

Would only wake up when the sun started to set.

And then finally would return to the group to leave.

White Zetsu really enjoyed the day at the beach and think was relaxing.

Black Zetsu didn't think it was bad, but he wouldn't admit it and would say it was a waste of time.

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Deidara

“Finally a rest day” - that's what he thought, until he saw how Tobi can be even more irritating on the beach.

The beach is a very inspiring place for an artist.

So Deidara is trying not to waste all his explosive clay on Tobi.

He wants to tan, not burn, so he put on sunscreen.

Deidara knows and likes to surf.

And he's annoyed that Kisame is better than him at this.

He was avoiding going into the sea until Hidan wet his hair.

His bathing suit is the prettiest.

This boy has style.

He would retreat at some point to make sand castles without being seen.

Prefer to eat slushies.

Would want to compete with Itachi on something.

And would say he cheated when he lost and walk away from the group.

Collect shells <3

He tries to sunbathe, but Deidara is the kind of person who can't sit still.

So it's useless.

The sunset is art for him, after all it is temporary.

Appears out of nowhere in the group when they are leaving.

At the end of the day he's sulking.

Because the day at the beach was not what he expected.

… But he liked it.

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Itachi

To be honest, he doesn't really like the beach.

Like, he can't deny the place is beautiful, but what is he going to do here?

He ends up sitting in the shade of the parasol watching others have fun.

Most of the shells Kisame brings from the water are for him.

He obviously use  sunscreen.

And brought it, in case anyone forgot.

In fact, the bag with everything needed for a day at the beach is his.

He doesn't really like the idea of ​​going into the sea.

The most he'd do is get his feet wet because it's relaxing.

He's the one who bought Kisame's ice cream while he was getting out of the water.

He's not paying attention to Deidara's taunts.

And he made no effort to beat him.

He likes the sound of the sea.

Take the opportunity to rest for a while.

He ends up getting so relaxed and quiet you could swear he's sleeping sitting up.

Itachi finds the sunset a bit melancholy but beautiful.

Is eager to return to the group's hideout.

The next day he know that Kisame doesn't want to leave his room because he's sunburned.

He didn't think the day at the beach was all bad, but he would have preferred to go somewhere else.

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Pein

Honestly, he only accepted all this because of Konan.

Doesn't like warm places, so the beach is not his favorite place.

He came just to make sure that nothing bad would happened.

He refers to Hidan, Deidara and Tobi in the same place for more than 5 minutes.

And he doesn't want anyone to bother Konan either.

Konan who reminded him to wear sunscreen.

Pain likes to eat watermelon when he is at the beach, is refreshing.

He won't go into the sea, don't even try.

Doesn't like ice cream very much.

He doesn't really like sweets in general, they make him thirsty.

He notices when someone moves away.

Being honest, he is just waiting for the day to end.

He understands why they think sunsets are beautiful, him thought too when he saw how Konan admired the sky.

Pein makes sure that everyone is present as they come back.

Tobi tests his patience by refusing to return "so soon".

He understands that a rest is necessary... But for him it was just a wasted day.

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Konan

She was who gave the idea to go to the beach.

Konan likes to sunbathe, even though she's very pale.

Hoped that this day would be at least a little relaxing for Pain.

Konan would read a book in the shade while listening to the sound of the waves.

Likes to drink refreshing drinks, eat scratch cards, eat watermelon, etc.

She is enjoying the moment.

Would go into the sea to cool off a bit, but she would be quick.

Konan is very stylish, so her bikini makes her look radiant.

She really wants to play in the sand for a while.

But as we know she is shy, and ends up being embarrassed.

Didn't approve of the idea that Hidan could kill anyone who came along.

But her understand why Pein thinks it's necessary.

She loves the different shades that appear in the sky as the sun goes down.

Left the beach a little reluctantly.

She who manages to convince Tobi to leave.

Konan liked her day at the beach but wishes she had enjoyed it more.

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Sasori

He wonders why he had to come along.

Like, there's nothing for him to enjoy on the beach.

Not that he can't go into the sea, but he's a puppet, the job he'd take to get the water out of his body.

Not to mention that salt water can wear out his body.

Definitely out of the question.

The only problem is that all that sand and hot sun just reminds him more and more of his old village.

He doesn't have a problem with the heat at all, he actually likes it.

He would try to distract himself by looking for pretty rocks.

Kisame would notice and bring some for him.

He'd be so focused on this that he wouldn't realize he'd ended up walking away from the group.

He ended up getting wet when he picked up a rock too close to the sea and a wave came to meet him.

He returns to the group grumpy after that.

Sasori lies down waiting for the sun to dry him and ends up sleeping.

Hidan and Deidara bury him in the sand.

He hasn't seen the sunset and is just grumpy wanting to go back to hiding.

But he is taking the rocks he found with him.

He doesn't want to repeat the experience.

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Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[ladykissingfish]

*Kisame gently bathing an injured Itachi*

Kisame, speaking quietly: So many scars you have. Your skin really tells an interesting tale.

Itachi, head hung down, half asleep: A tale of abject failure, maybe.

Kisame: *sighs* You’re certainly in a mood this evening, aren’t you? Lift your arms, please.

Itachi: *does as asked and groans* God … I feel so sore. And this headache just refuses to leave.

Kisame: Perhaps this’ll encourage you to actually listen to me when I try to warn you about overusing those eyes of yours …

Itachi: I know, I know …

Kisame: I know you know, but my point is that you don’t listen. Every battle, every encounter we have, you lean on that sharingan until you’re at the brink of exhaustion. When is it going to be enough, Itachi? We CAN train in other means of combat, you know? I’ve seen your Taijutsu before, it’s pretty fiercesome, so why —

Itachi: You worry too much, you know that? *scoots over and playfully swirls his fingers around in the water* Why don’t you climb on in here with me, and I’ll show you some of my other skills ~

Kisame: *gives Itachi a wry smile and shakes his head* Nice try, brat, but it’s not working. *holds out Itachi’s robe for him* Come on, you’ve been in there long enough. Let’s get you into bed and a hot cup of tea in your hands.

Itachi: *steps out of the tub and into the waiting robe* When you say “bed”, do you mean —

Kisame: Yes; my bed. I prefer you there, anyway. Easier to keep an eye on you.

Itachi, indignantly: Oi, you’re acting like I’m some child that can’t be trusted. Worse than that, you’re giving me the same treatment that Sasori-san gives Deidara, or Kakuzu-san gives Hidan! Don’t lump me in with those immature brats! I’m not —

*from down the hall*

Deidara: Danaaa! You’re being a jerk, hm!

Sasori: If me being a “jerk” means preventing you from jumping off the roof to “prove that death is a social construct”, then I guess I’ll just keep on being a jerk.

*from the opposite end of the hall*

Hidan: ‘Kuzuuuu! You never let me have any fun, you bastard!

Kakuzu: Fun? For the love of that fake god of yours, how is wrestling a just-out-of hibernation bear FUN?! I KNOW your stupid ass can’t die but can you think of me for once, eh? Can you think of the guy whose gonna have to sew your ridiculous body back together??

Itachi, to Kisame: See?! I may overuse my eyes but at least I’m not actively doing crazy things like those two! I —

*Tobi walks up*

Tobi: Itachi-senpai! Are we still having our dango eating contest tonight? Tobi is positive that he’ll beat your record of 142 dango in one hour!

Kisame:

Itachi: … Okay, even half-blind I can still see that smug look on your face, Kisa.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Deidara barges into Kakuzu's room late one night* Deidara: Alright, old man ... I know what's going on, and I'm ready and willing to kill you over it, hm! Kakuzu: Pardon? Deidara: Don't act dumb! I've been watching you this last week! I see how much you're hanging around MY danna! Kakuzu: Listen, child, I -- Deidara: I get it, just because you're both old and have a lot in common, you think you're better for each other than him and I are, right? Well you're wrong! Sasori is my soulmate! He's the one I'm meant to be with for the rest of my life! You're not gonna take him from me and I won't -- Kakuzu: Calm down, Deidara. I'm not trying to "take" Sasori from you. Believe it or not I'm actually quite content with Hidan. Deidara: But then why have you two been so close lately? Kakuzu: We've been talking about collaborating together on a mutual interest. I collect money and your "soulmate" collects bodies for his puppet collection. We were thinking that perhaps we can lure very specific people to the hideout, and once we get them here, we kill them, I harvest their organs, which are currently going for all-time high prices on the black market, and afterwards he gets their bodies for his collection. Deidara: O-oh? That's -- wait. What do you mean, lure them here? How do you think you'll do that, hm? You and Danna don't exactly give off friendly vibes ... Kakuzu: Ah, see, that's where the benefit of having younger, objectively attractive partners comes in. Just how much DO you love your "Danna"? And how far are you willing to go to "help" him? Deidara: What do you mean? I -- *Hidan comes out of the bathroom, wearing a dress and makeup* Hidan: Oi, old fuck ... is this "sexy" enough for your stupid plan or what?? Deidara: ...

[mixelation]

Just thought of smth. How do you headcannon the lgbt situation in Mutagenicity? Because I'm imagining Deidara and Itachi getting into one of their usual fights and Tori yelling "Would you two just kiss already?!" which then prompts the following reactions

Itachi who's been raised as a good little breeding stud for the Uchiha and Konoha as a whole "Don't be ridiculous Tori, two people of the same gender cannot be in a romantic partnership. How would we secure future generations of shinobi?"

Deidara who's a result of one of those breeding programs and is done with the whole thing "Ugh, with that asshole? Please I like to think i have some taste."

And Kushina who's been suppressing her desire to make out with Itachi's mom since grade school because of her own insecurities about being the last of a clan "Now now boys, it's perfectly natural to want to wrestle your friends into the dirt and have your way with them, but you have to stop it when you get older so you can make lots of cute babies, dattebane!"

Ha!

Personally my preference for Naruto fics is that people are largely cool with same gender relationships. That being said, sexism definitely exists in ninjaland, so certainly there's going to be some expectations about how romantic/sexual relationship "should" work. In Mutagenicity specifically, Itachi has been brought up with the idea that he needs to eventually marry someone with a working womb and produce a child.

However, I've been thinking about this more like... It's normal for ninja off stuck at war to have relationships with each other, and ninja skew male, so gay sex (especially among men) is pretty normalized. Then you get home from war and actually the dude you've been hooking up with is also your best friend who's saved your life twice, and you move in together and hold hands in public sometimes and no one will bat an eye. Gay dating maybe gets an eyebrow raise but for rando ninja, no one really cares. People only start having Opinions on your relationships if 1) you have a bloodline limit, or 2) you have specific clan duties related to having a biological child (so, you have a bloodline limit or some other heritable traits valuable to your clan, OR you have some sort of responsibility to make an heir). For Itachi, he both has a ""strong"" sharingan his clan wants him to pass on, AND he's supposed to make himself an heir.

People like Sasuke and Shisui, who are NOT heirs but are important Uchiha also with "strong" sharingan, probably have some expectations/social pressure from both the clan and society at large to make sharingan babies, but they could probably settle down with a man without causing a huge fallout. At some point Deidara will probably start getting weird comments about if his children will inherit things, but he doesn't have his own clan to pressure him and I can't see Minato's administration actively pushing him. Kushina almost definitely felt like she needed her own child to continue the Uzumaki, which is why she went for a super risky pregnancy over adoption, but also I think she and Minato also just.... really wanted a kid and their own little family, regardless. Like they make sure Naruto gets her clan name and not Minato's to continue that, but neither of them are upset Naruto didn't inherit the Uzuamki bloodline limit. Naruto is there because they love each other and just want a kid. If Kushina had fallen in love with a woman instead and wanted to marry her, I think she would have just gone "whatever, I'm marrying who I want because I do what I want, and I'll figure out getting a sperm donor later."

So, for Mutagenicity, it would be semi-fine if Itachi were gay and had a side piece who's his "real" romantic partner; he just needs the official wife and heir for political/pass-on-the-sharingan reasons. If he really wanted to, he could probably pull a "well, I'm clan head, and I say I want a husband," and then everyone would be mad for decades and the clan would insist he make a baby via surrogate (this is the Homemade Dynamite route, BTW, except all the clan elders are dead and Mikoto supports Itachi marrying Deidara because who else could possibly handle her freak son). However, Mutagenicity!Itachi isn't gay; he's asexual. He's shit out of luck. His lung condition does mean the clan is like "uuuuh well maybe it's time to bring in some outside genes--" so if he tricks the one woman he knows who's his age and can also stand hanging out with him into dating him, everyone will leave him alone--

Anyway, I think everyone on Team 4 knows same gender relationships are an option. I do think Itachi is very bad at recognizing he can have what he wants, so he might not consider it's an option for him specifically.... but Mutagenicity!Itachi specifically isn't super into men, because he's not really into anyone.*

*I think I do have meta somewhere where Itachi's like "why can't I just marry Shisui :(" and this thought isn't because Itachi is attracted to Shisui, it's because Shisui is someone Itachi cares about deeply, gets along with, and therefore he can see himself enjoying living with for the rest of his life. If Shisui fulfilled the requirement of "can give birth," Itachi would marry him in a second.