#character death fix

[justonemorewallflower]

Hello all! I posted another Starpollo drabble! This one is a kind of sad/angsty one but it's more hurt/comfort.

Spoilers for Season 3 Episode 17 Maelstrom below:

It takes a bit after Kara and Lee's flight around the storm in Maelstrom and it's an alternate sort of scene where Kara doesn't fly into the storm. It's also a drabble :) it was inspired by a prompt I got of "I thought I'd lost you up there." I hope y'all enjoy!

[tossawary]

So, it was not initially planned for Leia to be Luke's sister in the original "Star Wars" trilogy, and we can relatively easily come up with in-universe reasons as to why Bail Organa never told his daughter that her biological father was Darth Vader and that Darth Vader was arguably responsible for the death of her biological mother, without even needing to read any additional materials like novelizations or EU books.

Firstly, Bail presumably doesn't want his righteous daughter to have even more reason to try to murder Darth Vader. Secondly, Force-users are telepathic sometimes, and it's probably really hard to Not Think about the fact that you're Darth Vader's secret daughter when Darth Vader is right in front of you.

I can imagine for myself that Leia has at least always known that she was adopted, and also that she's aware that she should do everything in her power to keep her genetic material away from the Empire. Just going by the movies alone (in which the fate of Kamino and its cloning facilities is unknown), it seems reasonable to fear that the Empire might create and install clone puppet rulers of various planets. Kill Leia's parents, clone her a few times, and forcibly install a new Queen of Alderaan backed by the Imperial military for "security" reasons? Yeah, that sounds like something the Empire might do. Sure.

But now I'm thinking about what might have happened on the Death Star if Leia HAD known that she was Darth Vader's daughter, had known about Padmé Amidala, and maybe also that she had a twin brother out there somewhere. How well-known is Vader's tendency to murder military officers who piss him off? It's delicious to imagine Tarkin about to destroy a planet, and Leia turning to Darth Vader and, out of sheer, furious desperation, saying something like, "Padmé Amidala's child survived and was taken to Alderaan in secret. If it's destroyed, your child will die."

[camelotluteguild]

Something i really like about Merlin is how they didn’t make love a redemptive force. Uther loves both his children very much -- doesn’t make him a good man or even necessarily a good father. Merlin and Arthur love each other so much, but it doesn’t save either of them, nor does it always makes them better --  oftentimes, it makes them worse. It makes the love no less compelling or meaningful -- in my opinion, it only makes it more so, and it’s a more realistic approach to love. Thoughts and feelings!

[bonefall]

⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️

I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.

But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.

Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.

I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!

OH LET'S GOOOO

Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.

The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.

As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.

BIG POST. Glossary;

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.

But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,

From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.

Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.

He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.

(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)

As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.

In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;

Crowfeather.

Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.

(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)

So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.

We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.

The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.

When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,

Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.

And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.

All this to point out,

Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.

We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.

ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.

In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.

Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.

They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;

They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.

When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...

Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.

But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?

Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.

Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.

Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.

The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.

Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).

Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.

I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.

In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.

At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.

EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.

Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.

The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.

And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,

And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"

Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.

This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.

It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.

It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.

Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.

That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.

As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.

But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.

Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.

When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.

When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."

Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.

Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.

We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;

The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.

This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.

At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.

A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.

Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.

In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.

But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.

Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!

(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)

[cryoverlife]

The only reason some “kid’s books” are called kid’s books is cause the trauma the twelve year old went through is never properly addressed.

[sophieseals]

What’s special about guardians of the galaxy as well is I think it manages to walk the fine line of having death be present and something that could very much happen to our main characters but also choosing to keep them all alive at the end of the trilogy. Not only is it nice to see finished arcs but I’ve never once felt as if the stakes were not high in these films and could not result in a main character death. James Gunn does a good job at showing he isn’t afraid to go there with what happened with Yondu at the end of gotg 2 (and providing a very meaningful death to him beneficial to his arc) and to an extension even shows this with rockets friends (lyla teeths floor) in the third film. I 100% felt as if multiple guardians would die I’m this film and whilst it did come close everyone made it out okay! This is a change from what we see in previous media where the line has pushed to one side too much where it can get annoyingly repetitive and boring because there is no tension or, death can happen too frequently that it’s a joke.

[bpdpenguin]

yet another cartoonishly evil thing i can explain I CAN SHUT UP!!!

first of all, this show is an exaggeration of itself at this point. we should just acknowledge that before anything else. but i do have actual things to say about this lol

let's be clear here, this is an absolute batshit decision from the writers. the song is pure camp. but the rest of it has some actual grounding.

penguin wants power, respect, and adoration. all things lacking from all the times he's been underestimated. he saw an opportunity to take gotham (fortune favors the bold!) and he took it. he grabbed power. he can force respect. he can be the sole provider of ammunition in his now ruined city.

now adoration on the other hand... he cannot grab or force that.

he's not talking about love here. he's talking about adoration. he may NEED love, but he's acting on his WANT.

ed's right here (i mean he shouldn't have said it about HIMSELF on the penguin-suffers-but-ultimately-gets-whatever-he-wants show) and it's a DIRECT result of his mother spoiling him.

oswald craves love but doesn't know how to give it. this was at the core of his and edward's initial conflict, this is something ed saw in him. he puts himself first. he grew last season in terms of martin, in terms of edward, but they are the exceptions to the rule. he valued his own revenge over his friendship with butch.

and so he starts season 5 with no friends, by his own hands. and it's different from all the way back in season one. he only had himself before. now he has less than nothing. he only wanted power then. now it's all he has. and it's corrupting. "i was not a good friend, to you or to anyone, it's why i'm alone." he's spiraling and everyone in gotham is collateral.

...speaking of adoration, let's talk about ed.

the reason oswald "fell for" ed was because he saw someone who would give himself entirely to him. ed is always desperate for the approval of authority figures. it's why he prioritizes finding "an enemy or a teacher" when he's trying to claim his identity. it's why he attaches himself to both oswald and lee.

if ed hadn't caught onto the cruelty and betrayal of trust with isabella, penguin would've used him the same way.

ed craves love but doesn't know how to recieve it. this was also present in their initial conflict. the reason ed shot os is because he couldn't face the truth of being in love with him. of being just like the man who took his girlfriend's life (how many partner's love interests has he himself tried to kill again?) the most repressed man in gotham city 💚

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking about Eddie & hyacinths again

[sen-ya]

(I would link back to the post w luffy holdin law post immortality surgery but this app hates me and won’t let me I’m sorry)

THIS ISN’T MY FAULT I WAS EGGED ON IN THE COMMENTS

[ominouspuff]

GUT. PUNCHER. PLEASE. Ö

(also I see the Plo Coon WIP and I’m in the microwave)

In an instant CC-2224 sees the blue on the other clone and recognizes his enemy — knows it is CT-7567 and knows the name he took and the color of his hair.

All that is in him that is screaming — was (always?) screaming — quietens. His finger does not depress upon the trigger. His hand does not twitch towards the backup blaster on his hip.

An instant, a moment, a breath, and a single thought—

I’m no soldier.

CT-7567’s finger is as quick as he knew it would be. Between one moment and the next, Cody is free.

———

Re: Plo Coon — huehue, yess get microwaved (affectionate) (I’m very excited to show you)

[numbuh424]

shoutout to whatever L and Light had going on in Time Speaks

[whatsfourteenupto]

They really said “Disney budget? Give UNIT Avengers Tower but make it cooler, with a better Robot character, and then speed run Infinity War plot but make it make relative sense.”

[bitterseaproduction]

Angsty Bilbo dying Bagginshield art giving me another story idea~ 😂😭💕

But no, seriously? A play on the popular time travel fix-it, but one where Bilbo dies protecting Thorin during the Battle of Five Armies? And Thorin is inconsolable, I can’t even. And he might pull himself together long enough to stabilize Erebor, but there is No Way he can be a good ruler in his grief, so he has to pass it on. (I was going to say to Dain just to twist that knife a little harder, but actually there are reasons hinted below on why Fíli & Kíli must have lived.) And Thorin just… he wanders, probably. A shell of himself for the rest of his days.

And yet, when he inevitably passes away, he awakens on the road to the Shire. And he’s younger. And he’s so confused, quickly suspecting he must be dead and this is nothing like what he was taught to expect. But then his instant impulse to check Bag End has him walking in on that same meeting from so many years ago, his Company intact, the wizard smiling at him, introducing him to… to…

Bilbo. His Bilbo. The sight of him makes Thorin want to weep and hold him and never let go again, but he is instantly terrified to do anything, because is this a dream? Will he wake? What happens if he says something new, will ‘this’ be ruined somehow? He doesn’t want that, doesn’t want to change anything, save for the end. The very end.

But, even as he strives to mimic himself, he knows something is wrong. He’s off-script from the start purely due to his shock, but he tries to recover, get back on track, and within words, he’s managed it. The discussion is righting itself, and no one there could possibly know the difference, right?

And yet, Bilbo stares at him. From the instant Thorin walked in, Bilbo was staring, looking lost. As he had before, that first time, but it wasn’t the same. Bilbo had been confused then as well, but it had been a light, anxious uncertainty then. This time? He was frowning, his expression tense.

His eyes haunted.

Because Bilbo has also lived that night before. Just once as far as that night was concerned, but it was familiar to him. So familiar. That first night had haunted him for decades, to the very end of his long, long life, when he thought he might know rest, and perhaps — if he was truly as lucky as some once claimed — he might get to see his friends again. See Thorin again.

Instead he had slept, drifted away, and awoken to a battle about to start.

And he had questioned it, had stumbled that first time, but he adjusted. He tried to save Thorin. To save them all.

And he failed. Again.

Then, when he finally slept for the first time afterwards, he awoke to the battle starting again.

And again.

And he tried, over and over, day after the same horrid day to find a way to get through. And sometimes Thorin lived. Sometimes the princes did. Sometimes, new people died. The wrong people.

Once, in his darkest moments, he thought that perhaps someone was trying to teach him humility, teach him to accept fate as it was and not try to fight it, not change anything. And so he went through the motions as well as he could remember them after all those years, following them to the letter, save for when he sobbed all the harder when it was done.

He sobbed again, the relief bone-deep, when he awoke again the next day, the battle still awaiting him.

He lost count of his attempts, and no one could rightly vouch for his state of mind when he finally resorted to the one thing he had refused to try: Not since that fourth (or fifth?) time, when he managed to be there for the fight and threw himself in Azog’s way, but Thorin pulled him out of the way, and screamed at him with such outrage and fear and despair in the few beats he bought by pushing Azog over, that Bilbo never attempted it again.

Until that final day. And that time, Bilbo didn’t give Thorin a chance to stop him.

And it broke a heart Bilbo thought long since shattered to hear Thorin scream, to feel him pick him up and hold him close and hear his voice like that. But the words faded soon enough, and he couldn’t feel anything, nothing except for regret and acceptance, because this was different. He felt it. This time, he would not awaken again, and that was fine. He had saved his king, kept all of his dwarves safe that last time. If that was to be the last, then that was all he could ask for. It was alright. He could sleep.

Then he woke up.

Not outside Erebor, but inside a hole. His hole. Bag End.

He walked outside, stood in the sun, and watched a wizard walk up the road to his door.

He did not understand.

[cloudyvulpine]

hate when i'm info dumping about a *FICTIONAL* villain and someone has the audacity to be like "but they've killed people" or "but they've committed crimes"

i know

but they aren't real

i still want to make out with them

[randooffthestreet]

Kaleidoscope

Ghost x Soap

2.5k words (may make a second part)

Ghost was fine. Completely fine. Today was no different than the day before, or the day before that. Same breakfast, same coffee, same rookies, same…everything. Routine was what he was used to, part of the reason he joined the military, but it made it easy to go on auto-pilot most of the time.

Everything was normal. Everything was fine. The only break in his schedule would be a mission here and there. Lately all of them were low risk, Price still being overly cautious after their last one. Though to be fair, Makarov was dead. There wasn’t any big terrorist to go after, so of course their missions were slow.

It was making Ghost go crazy.

Luckily their latest mission was a bit more exciting, however, there was a downside. He had to go to Mexico. It was nice to see Rodolfo and Alejandro again, but it felt stiff, more formal than it was last time. He knew why. They knew why. None of them brought it up.

After a successful mission, they went out for drinks. He could do bars pretty well. He could bury himself in some dark corner and the others felt bad enough for him to leave him to his bourbon. Or scotch, depended on how drunk he was.

It seemed he would get no such mercy tonight. When he went for an abandoned corner, Alejandro caught him. “Hermano, where are you going? We’re buying drinks for everyone tonight.” He had no choice but to nod and take a seat on the farthest end of the bar.

It felt wrong, seeing everyone laughing without hearing the laugh he loved the most. He sighed. He was too sober for this.

After his third bourbon, he felt muddled enough to not care anymore. His first scotch burned his throat. He didn’t really hate scotch, but the taste was so much better now. He took another sip, frowning. No, maybe not. He was just drunk and sappy.

He flinched when somebody suddenly threw an arm over his shoulder, relaxing by a fraction when he saw it was just a very drunk Alejandro. “Ghost, you look so sad over here…” He whined, his breath reeking of tequila. Ghost casually shrugged the arm off. “I’m fine.”

Alejandro slunk into the seat next to him. “Y’know, Los Vaqueros were very sad when we heard about Soap. I still am very sad. You are too, I see it in your eyes. You two were close, no? Like- like Rudy and I.”

Ghost felt like crawling out of his skin. “No. Not like that.” He said carefully, hating the words. Were they ever like that? Were they ever close to it? It felt like they were, but that could be his own damn feelings twisting their innocent interactions into something more to keep his own perversions satisfied. He didn’t want to tarnish Johnny’s memory like that.

Oh god. Johnny. That was what he called him, wasn’t it? Not Soap, not Sergeant MacTavish, not him, Johnny. His Johnny.

“Only Ghost can pull that off.”

He stumbled to his feet, breathing harder than he should be. “I- have to go. Bathroom.” Alejandro nodded solemnly, slumping over the bar.

Ghost practically rushed to the shitty bathroom, slamming the door a little too hard for someone who was supposed to be in control. His mask felt like it was choking him, so he ripped it off, turning the sink on and splashing the lukewarm water over his face in an attempt to calm himself down.

Nobody had said his name since he died. He hadn’t called him by his name since he died.

“Y’know, Lt?” He’d said one night after one too many drinks. “I think I’m afraid of being forgotten. It’s stupid, but…I don’t want to be just another dead soldier, killed and forgotten, I want to be remembered. I want to know that even if I die, there’s proof I existed.”

Ghost understood. There was nothing left of him when he died, considering he was dead on paper, but he understood the fear. He wanted there to be proof of Johnny’s existence too. He was too good to be forgotten.

“I’ll remember you, Johnny.” He’d said, which had earned him a blindingly bright smile and a warm head on his shoulder.

Oh god. He was going to puke. He went over to the toilet, the alcohol burning his throat on the way back up. He gripped his hair, his eyes watering from the bile. His breath was catching on sobs, his chest hurting with every ragged inhale. Was this the first time he’d cried?

Someone was in the bathroom with him, falling to their knees next to him and saying something. Was the bathroom always this small? Whoever was there started taking deep, exaggerated breaths until Ghost instinctively started matching their breaths. Finally, he calmed down. He blinked his eyes open to see Rodolfo looking at him, concerned.

His gaze softened. “There you are, fantasma. I saw Alej say something to you, and then you kinda…fled. What did he…?” Ghost winced, grabbing his mask. “...He…we never… he thought we were like you two. But I never-” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, taking a shuddering breath. Rodolfo just looked sad.

“You’re allowed to grieve, Ghost. Even if it wasn’t like that.”

They didn’t say anything else, just sat there on the probably filthy floor. Ghost couldn’t bring himself to care.

They eventually had to move when a drunk stumbled in and hurled in the toilet. Ghost grimaced and pulled his mask back on, standing up. “...I’m leaving. Can you tell Price?” Rodolfo nodded, smiling gently. “...you can call us whenever, Ghost. We’re friends, no?” Ghost nodded, despite being sure he probably wouldn’t call.

He didn’t sleep at all that night. He honestly hadn’t slept except for when his body shut down and forced him to. In a few days, it would be half a year since he’d hit the floor in that godforsaken tunnel. He’d saved Price’s life. Ghost doesn’t know if he’d have reacted like this if Price had died instead, but he knew that wasn’t fair to either of them.

His Johnny would never be able to live with himself if he could have saved Price and didn't. So he died instead.

He knew Price felt horrible about it, remembering how the captain had occasionally shared the dark corners in bars with him, apologizing to him for not being dead. He remembered comforting him, even when he selfishly agreed.

It seemed he was doing better lately, even if he was still keeping his remaining boys as close as possible. Gaz had been wrecked, taking a week of leave after Makarov was dead, but he was healing. Ghost was once again left as a spirit, alive but not living.

The sun rose on another day with a routine, another day of Ghost being completely and totally fine, mentally stable, and definitely not having panic attacks in bar bathrooms.

That’s what he told the psych evals anyway.

He just nodded at Alejandro’s panicked apology the next day, quietly reassuring him that it really wasn’t a big deal. After all, they hadn’t been anything but friends. He was nursing one hell of a hangover, but the headache may have been from sleep deprivation. Didn’t matter.

He was slowly destroying himself, even if he couldn’t admit it to anyone else, the lack of sleep slowly creeping into his subconscious as he started to hear a Scottish brogue just around corners, started seeing a mohawk and pretty blue eyes just in his peripheral. During the first few days he’d turn around and nothing would be there, but the hallucinations grew stronger the longer he stayed awake.

A few times, he’d catch himself trying to talk to it, but he never got past a small sound before it went away. He learned to listen, just to hear the voice a little longer.

The night before the 141 left, some of the Vaqueros insisted on taking them for drinks again. Ghost had a feeling they just looked for any excuse to drink, but he went anyway, taking care to avoid any and all drunk people. He watched the blurry body that wasn’t there sit in the seat in front of him, staring right back.

“Scotch, Lt? This early? You really do need to sleep, don’t you?” He sighed, nodding along to it’s words without really realizing. It could be sweet at times. At others, it tormented him. He didn’t know whether he craved it’s attention or wished he never had to see it again.

Laswell appeared later into the evening. He hadn’t even been aware she was there in Mexico.

He saw Price look at her, his face as confused as he felt. “Laswell? What the bloody hell are you doing here?” …okay. Maybe she hadn’t been in Mexico. She made a pained face, looking guilty. “...there’s someone I want you to talk to. We were going to wait until you got back to base, but he wanted to talk to the Colonel and Sergeant Major too.” Price sat up. “Another mission?”

Laswell glanced behind her. “Not exactly.” The bar had gone quiet. She sighed. “Look, just- don’t blame me. I didn’t even know about this until a few weeks ago, and then you boys went on a mission…” She shook her head. “I’m going to grab him. Give me a second.”

She walked out of the bar, people murmuring. Ghost downed the rest of his drink, walking over to Price. “What the hell was that about?” He asked softly, eyeing the door wearily. Price tapped his fingers on the bar counter. “Not a clue. We’ll have to see, won’t we?” Gaz hummed from next to Price.

Laswell walked back into the bar, crossing her arms and stepping to the side for the man behind her. He was on crutches, his brown hair falling into his bright blue eyes slightly. Ghost stared at the man, sighing. Of all the times for him to hallucinate, he was projecting his image onto this new member of the team, most likely. He heard Gaz gasp painfully, and saw Price tighten his hold on his glass in a white-knuckled grip.

“What the fuck?” He heard Alejandro say behind him. Price stood up, pulling the man into a tight hug. “You scared the shit out of us, John.” Ghost exhaled, feeling his chest constrict. “You can see him too?” He heard himself question. He saw the man’s blue eyes grow concerned and Price give him an alarmed look.

“Ghost, have you been hallucinating?” The man ignored Price and hobbled closer to Ghost.

“Hey, Lt. Did you miss me?” He made a pained noise. There was no mistaking that voice. People, hardened military men, were crying. Ghost made a wounded noise, stumbling out of his chair, nearly eating shit on the bar floor. “I- I have to go.” He wheezed, pushing past the man that couldn’t be there and running out the bar doors, ignoring the shouts of his name. His footsteps pounded against the concrete, his legs giving out on him. He scrambled into a side alley, curling into a ball because it was wrong. Everything was wrong.

It was pathetic, really. The big, bad, unshakable Simon “Ghost” Riley, who could withstand the most disgusting and gruesome bits of torture this world had to offfer, trembling in an alley because he couldn’t handle the fact that the person he cared the most about in the world might still be alive. He felt his phone buzzing insistently in his pocket, but his vision was growing black and he couldn’t bring himself to move and pick it up.

He had no idea how long he sat there before somebody found him. Logically, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide forever, with Price having the location on his phone at all times, but he hadn't been expecting them to go after him so quickly. Or maybe it hadn’t been quick.

He heard the clacking of crutches against a brick wall and a soft grunt of pain as the man lowered himself to sit next to him. He shut his eyes like a child, hiding like it would keep him from having to face the truth.

“Simon.” He said gently, and Ghost couldn’t help but gasp quietly and flinch.

They sat in silence for a bit, before the man sighed. “I’m so fucking sorry, Ghost. The doctors- they told me I really shouldn’t be alive. I died, but…they brought me back. Didn’t really understand any of it. They told me you held a funeral for me. I…actually don’t know how you did that. But…christ, Ghost, I never meant to die in front of you like that. Always thought I wasn’t going to make it, but… I guess I never really accepted the reality of it.”

Ghost dared to open his eyes, looking at him for the first time. He could see the scar from the bullet, but it was unmistakably Johnny, even if his signature mohawk was gone and his beard was fluffier, even if he had hearing aids.

He caught his eye and smiled. “There you are.” Ghost swallowed around the lump in his throat. “You…you really are alive, aren’t you?” He said hoarsely. Soap shook his head slightly, huffing fondly, and the familiarity of it made Simon’s heart ache. “Aye. Just could nae stay away, Lt. Grown too fond of ye, ya bastard.”

Ghost’s shoulders shook with relieved laughter despite himself, leaning his head against the wall. “You fucking asshole. I really thought you died.” He couldn’t help the way his voice cracked on the words. Soap hummed, grinning lopsidedly at him. “Can’t get rid of me that easy.” Ghost worried his lip between his teeth, frowning.

“I…I can’t- I don’t want to get rid of you.” He said quietly. The grin on Soap’s face slipped into something more understanding. “I know, Lt.” Ghost shook his head, feeling almost desperate to get his point across in case he disappeared again. “No, I- you can stay. Forever, if you want.” His throat felt tight all over again. “Johnny, I- I love you.”

He heard him inhale sharply, and he rushed to fix what he felt like he ruined. “It doesn’t matter if you feel the same, I just want to be by your side. I wanted that bomb to go off, fuck, I wanted to die by you.” He put his face in his hands.

“...I can’t live without you.”

The silence was deafening, but it was broken by Soap’s wet laugh. Ghost looked at him, confused at the tears on Johnny’s face. He wiped them off, a wide smile on his face. “You daft bastard. I love you too. God, we’re so bad at this.” He leaned against Ghost.

“...I want to die with you too. But I can’t rejoin the 141. I lost all my strength, and my hearing has gone to shit. I can’t die on the field with you, but…maybe we- maybe you could live. Would you live for me?” Simon’s mouth went dry.

“For you, Johnny?” He took a deep breath, tucking his face in the crook of his neck, shutting his eyes. He was home.

“...For you, I think I could try.”

[steddieunderdogfics]

for bat!eddie challenge:

out of hell by rabbitinrain

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40314015/chapters/100980549

and also

swift wings and a brave heart by paperbackribs

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53280298/chapters/134835148

out of hell by rabbitinrain

@stargazersteddie

Rating: Teens and Up

36,156 words, 5/5 chapters

Archive Warning: Creator chose not to use

Tags: Post-Season/Series 04, Temporary Character Death, Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Animal Transformation, Blood and Injury, Mild Gore, Blind Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Disabled Maxine "Max" Mayfield, steve harrington is everyone's big brother because i said so, some elements of body horror, Light Angst, Eddie Munson Lives, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Scars

Summary:

Later, he’ll wonder why he even bothers to talk to the bat. It’s not as if it can understand him. But it’s comforting, he thinks, to hear someone assuring you that everything will be okay even when you’re moments away from death. Sometimes, hope is the only difference between holding on and letting go. And the bat? It holds on. - After the ground opens up and Vecna disappears, the last thing that Steve Harrington needs is an injured bat on his doorstep. Apparently, that won't stop him from doing everything in his power to keep it alive. And if the bat reminds him of a certain someone, then that's just his mind playing tricks on him… right?

Thanks for the rec!

This rec is a part of Challenge Monday. The challenge this week was Bat!Eddie.

Know a fic that deserves extra love? Submit through our asks or the submission box!