#Like. what i dislike about where he went is that even if your anger issues came from abuse. you STILL are responsible for your actions

[bonefall]

⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️

I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.

But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.

Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.

I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!

OH LET'S GOOOO

Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.

The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.

As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.

BIG POST. Glossary;

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.

But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,

From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.

Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.

He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.

(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)

As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.

In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;

Crowfeather.

Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.

(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)

So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.

We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.

The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.

When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,

Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.

And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.

All this to point out,

Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.

We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.

ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.

In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.

Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.

They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;

They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.

When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...

Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.

But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?

Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.

Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.

Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.

The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.

Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).

Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.

I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.

In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.

At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.

EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.

Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.

The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.

And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,

And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"

Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.

This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.

It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.

It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.

Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.

That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.

As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.

But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.

Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.

When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.

When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."

Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.

Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.

We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;

The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.

This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.

At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.

A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.

Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.

In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.

But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.

Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!

(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)

[bakubonez]

Snap out of it!

Katsuki Bakugo x oblivious! GN! Reader

Summary thing: Katsuki likes you and apparently you have no idea.

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Warnings: not proof read cuz I’m lazy, reader doesn’t know Katsuki likes them at all + they convince themselves he doesn’t lol, ambiguous ending, mostly focuses on Katsuki’s POV I think

You were an idiot. But Katsuki liked you regardless.

It was a problem, really. You’d weaseled your way into Katsuki’s group of friends, instantly charming everyone. He’d been more difficult to please, though. You’d been okay with it—you knew he’d come around eventually.

Which he did. Problem was, he’d come around and he’d fallen head over heels for you. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue, he could’ve just confessed or flirted with you.

Katsuki had decided to go with the method of dropping hints and flirting rather than straight up confessing to you. He wanted to test the waters first. There was no doubt in his mind that you’d like him; he’d seen the glances when you thought he wouldn’t notice, the little touches, your faint smile when he joined whatever you and his other friends were doing that day(after some pressure from Eijiro!). He knew there was no way it could possibly go wrong.

Little did he know, you were oblivious to his advances.

You constantly brushed his teasing remarks and flattery off as him being nice, not interested in jumping to the conclusion of him reciprocating your feelings in case you were wrong. You didn’t want to get your hopes up and your feelings hurt. So you ignored what he was doing, always somehow convincing yourself that the increase in your heart rate and the heat burning your skin when he made his stupid jokes and such was simply a trick of the mind. He didn’t like you. You just had to accept that fact and get on with it.

It was infuriating to Katsuki, though. Maybe infuriating isn’t the right word, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to be truly angered by you any more. Frustrating. There it was. You were unbelievably frustrating.

He adored you. Ever since the realisation of his feelings had dawned on him, he hadn’t been able to scrub any corner of his mind of you. You always lingered there. When he got bored in class he’d think of you, zoning out while the teacher at the front went on and on about something that clearly wasn’t anywhere near as relevant as you. He’d stumble across videos online that made him think of you, that made him think, ‘you’d like this’. Some of them would make it to you, but sometimes he’d already sent so many of them that day that he needed to save it to a little folder dedicated to you, to keep for when he needed an excuse to message you.

Katsuki hadn’t come to UA with the intention of making friends. But he had. And now he was on the complete other side of his initial promise—chasing not only a friend, but a romantic connection.

And so, the days went on where he’d shoot his shot and miss. He’d miss because you kept interfering. You kept brushing it off.

Eventually he resorted to telling Eijiro, whining and complaining to you about how stubborn and irritating you were right now, but also how much he’d come to treasure you. You’d become precious to him, nestled in your own little place in his heart. He was having a hard time trying to get over you. Maybe it was because he really didn’t want to.

At the end of the day, despite how much he complained about your oblivious nature, he couldn’t bring himself to scrap the future he’d carefully carved out in his mind for the two of you. Katsuki wanted those sweet, domestic moments that he would’ve ignored with anyone else but you. He wanted the less sweet ones, arguments and results of villain battles. All of it. He wanted all of it. He wanted all of you.

It didn’t matter to him what you thought a partner wouldn’t like in you. To him, there was nothing to dislike. The curve of your nose, the colour of your eyes, the texture of your skin, your laugh. Even the parts of you that you tried to hide, he loved all of it. He couldn’t imagine a time where he didn’t.

For now, though, he had to wait patiently for you to catch on, or for his self control to slip from him. He had to tell you the truth one day. You’d snap out of it.

Katsuki hoped it wouldn’t be too late by the time he did.

[thebiggestlovergirlever]

Could you do a separate jealous!hashira (all the male ones) x wife!reader.

I’ll use sanemi as an example… Reader is sparingg with say Tengan and gets pinned underneath him Sanemi sees and gets super jealous and pissed off and is all like what the hell do you think you’re doing with my wife. I hope that makes sense, but with all of the male hashira if possible please, or just the ones you like!

Thank you :)

OMG this idea is so stinking cuteee, I luv🩵🩵🩵. The only male hashira I won’t be writing in this is Muichiro and that just cause I personally would feel uncomfortable seeing as he’s much younger than me.Thank you so much for the request and I hope you enjoy it XD!—so it’s been a minute since my last post lolol sorry I got stressed and caught up with work I’m hopefully gonna pop out some more lil fan fictions (prolly other animes) soon so keep and eye out for thattt🩵🩵

Gyomei-

See how you were married to a literal giant other men didn’t really approach you, due to Gyomei’s intimidating demeanor. That doesn’t mean you weren’t approached at all, some men were cocky enough to ignore your husband and shoot their shots at getting with you. As you and Gyomei were walking around a market to buy ingredients for a recipe you wanted to make for your guys third year wedding anniversary a stranger met your eyes. You gave him a polite smile and walked to a booth for spices, Gyomei had walked over the the butchers booth to pick up pork, the strange man saw that as his chance to approach. “Hey where do your guard dog go?” He asked with a menacing grin, “Uhh. Oh my husband? He’s right over there” you say pointing at your mountain of a man. Ignoring your obvious disinterest the man grabs your waist and puts his face next to your ear and whispers “I could make you forget your husband,” you keep a calm composure while trying to escape the man’s grasp “please let me go, I’m happily married,” you mutter feeling embarrassed and ashamed that you couldn’t fight back. The man’s smile dropped when he heard a deep voice behind him “I think she told you to get off. Now remove your hands off my wife.” As the man’s grip loosened you ripped your body away and stood next to Gyomei. He gently grabs your hand, glares at the man sternly, and walks off while asking if he hurt you. Once you two got far enough from the market you stop walking and apologize “I’m sorry I couldn’t get rid of him, I tired but he wouldn’t leave me alone.” The anger melts off his face “Oh love, I’m not mad at you at all, I’m mad at him. I feel horrible you had to go through that, don’t ever think that I’m mad at you, I love you my dear.” And with that he kisses you cheek and carries you home bridal style.

Tengen-

Tengen was out on a mission and would be getting back soon, typically you would hangout with your fellow wife’s but they were all out on a mission together. You had no idea what time Tengen would be back today so you went out to train, when you finished your workout a few hours later and began to walk home you ran into Tomioka “Oh hello Tomioka! What are you doing this evening?” You ask with a smile, he gazes at you for a second before responding quietly “I was going to make tea and mochi. You stood there for a second feeling more lonely than ever “Would you like to come to my estate and join me for tea?” Tomioka responded by nodding quickly and following you to your home. After a bit of tea and snacks you and Tomioka were chatting about recipes and your shared dislike for Sanemi’s anger issues he could yell at me all day long till you heard the door slam open as Tengen runs over to scoop you up in a protective hug. He stops in his tracks holding you above the ground, with a glare rested on his face, “What on EARTH. Are you doing in my house with my wife Tomioka?” He sneered out, Tomioka simply gets up and leaves, feeling Usui’s hateful stare. He finally sets you down and looks around “So, why was he in our house? With you? Alone?” He asks, clearly annoyed “Uzui Tengen! He just came over for tea, you were incredibly rude to him for nothing. You know he likes to chat with me occasionally.” You snap out with a stern expression. Your husband hangs his head in defeat “Uzui if you don’t go apologize to him right now, you will be in so much trouble, but not only with me but also with Makio, Suma, and Hinatsuru,” you commanded while tapping your foot on the ground “Ok my dear, I will go apologize in a minute,” he says as he leans down to kiss you “I missed you” he smiles “I missed you too love, now go apologize.”

Rengoku-

Typically Rengoku is very level headed when it comes to men coming on to you, but his close friend? Oh heck’s no he was pissed. You were over at Tengens to hangout with his wife’s while Rengoku and Tengen trained together, as they walked into the kitchen with you all Tengen looks at you and turns to Rengoku “You got lucky with this one, I should make her my fourth wife,” he smirks. Rengoku tries to keep his composure spitting out “Uh nope she’s married to me, she’s all mine.” Uzui enjoyed seeing rengoku bother and decided to tease him a bit more, he moves close to you and grabs you chin and says “Choose girly, be my fourth wife or stay with flame boy over here” as he points at Rengoku you can see his already fake smile drop. He stomps over and shoves Tengens shoulder “hey back off. Y/N is my wife and you already have three so back off. We are leavening right now.” With that he takes you by the hand and speed walks right back home. He doesn’t let you out of his grasp for the rest of the night, your nightly shower? He joined you, sitting on the couch? His head was rested on your thighs, at night? He holds you close to his chest, legs entangled while he rests sleepy kisses on your head periodically till he drifts to sleep.

Sanemi-

Sanemi was a good husband, but a busy one too. You wanted to train a bit but he was out already so you went to your next best option. Rengoku was happy to train with you, as you began to run out of energy he pinned you ending the spar. Unfortunately this happened to be when Sanemi came back from his run “HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOONG WITH MY WIFE KYOJURO?” He yelled rengoku quickly gets off you and your head whips to where Sanemi is, watching as he bounds forward. He snatches you up and practically sprints home, “Darling would you slow down?” You pant out tired from trying to keep up with him he ignores your pleas and keeps running while you give up and decide to walk and meet him later. Once you finally make it home you find your angry husband, “have a nice run?” You asked sarcastically he sighs loudly and looks at you, face red and puffy, “were you crying?” Your sarcasm dissolves as you quickly move over. Grabbing his face you press quick kisses all over his face “What’s wrong?” He holds you tightly “Why didn’t you go home with Kyojuro? I was clearly interrupting you two,” your heart sinks as you whisper “oh darling we were just training don’t worry, I love you and only you,” You say as you go in for a kiss

Obanai-

Obanai was perched in his tree watching you go around a chat with the other Hashira, you were planning on how you were gonna tell Iguro about your pregnancy with Gyomei. As Obanai is watching you feel sees Gyomei put both hands on you stomach and can feel the blue growing in the back of his throat, he hops down from his tree and swats at Gyomeis massive hands. “Get you hands off of my wife!” He snaps, you giggle a little as you watch your short husband get snarky with a much older and taller man “Love calm down he didn’t mean anything by it,” you laugh out loud. “Why was he even touching you? Especially your stomach that’s weird!” He whisper yells while watching Gyomei walk off “Obi that’s cause I’m pregnant,” he slowly turns around and looks you up and down “Your what?” He asks shock written on his face even though you can only see the top half of it. You giggle as he picks you up and spins you around and kisses you.

Giyuu-

Tomioka had been very distant lately skipping your nightly dinners and ignoring your requests to spar together. He was clearly upset about something but would never tell you what happened, you ended up having to spar with Rengoku because of Giyuu’s unusual coldness towards you. You were in the middle of fighting as Tomioka walks in and stared blankly, as you both stop and stare back he turns around and leaves, slamming the door shut. You excuse yourself quickly and chase after him yelling “ TOMIOKA! What’s wrong? Talk to me!” For once he talks back snapping out “what’s wrong? Oh maybe my WIFE spending more time with an orange peel than me,” you stare at him blankly processing what he says. “A orange peel?” You let out a giggle “are you jealous?” His face grows a shade of pink comparable to bubble gum, “you have nothing to be jealous over I love you and only you”

[taurusdaylight]

[2.03pm] kindness

kindness came in the form of jeno lee. almost always having a smile etched on his adorable face, it was baffling to the people around jeno how he kept up with such a bright disposition all the time. it was as though he had little to zero anger coursing through his veins. 

to some extent, it’s true that jeno rarely got angry. despite being a chronic overthinker, jeno’s not the type of person to let his emotions control him. instead, he’d mull over it for a bit. think about why he got upset over something, and if it was truly worth getting upset over. he would at most sulk a little, as evident by his pouty lips that would make an appearance every so often. 

case in point: jeno currently getting lectured by yours truly in the corner booth of a quiet café. looking down on the ground, jeno absentmindedly stirred the straw in his cup while you talked.

you huffed, “you should stop being so nice to others.” 

“i didn’t know how to reject him…” jeno replied softly, still not looking at you. “besides, it will contribute to our overall grade? it won’t take up much of my time anyway,” he quickly added, in hopes of making the situation better.

the both of you weren’t even talking about something extremely serious. you were simply nagging jeno for agreeing to help his groupmate finish his part of the project because he was apparently busy with other submissions. the first thought that came to your mind was, what about jeno? surely he had other things to do too. 

the thing is, jeno was a kind person inside out. it wasn’t only about looking kind. deep down, jeno was tender-hearted and the biggest sweetheart to ever exist. as much as you believed in being kind, you were also aware of your boyfriend’s inability to say no to others whenever they approached him for help. no matter how he dismissed it as something trivial, you still didn’t like how he would go out of his way to do something that was not even supposed to be his responsibility to begin with. most important of all, you disliked how others took advantage of his kindness that came second nature to him, which rendered him to be at their disposal even if it wasn’t exactly convenient for him at times. 

“we talked about this, jen.” you made a face at him, expressing your concern over this issue that repeatedly came up time and again. “i hate that other people are using you and you just let them.”

while jeno understood where your frustration was coming from, a part of him also felt wronged because he was simply trying to do something nice for others. why is it that he somehow managed to make you upset too? jeno felt like he couldn’t do anything right. 

jeno finally stopped playing with his straw and looked you in the eye. “i’m sorry, okay? i won’t do it again, just please don’t be upset with me,” he said in a desperate plea. 

“i’m not upset with you, so there’s no need to say sorry to me,” you assured him. one thing you learnt about jeno over the years was how his negative thoughts got to him more than he’d liked to admit. how he would willingly take the blame for something if it meant that it would keep the peace. thankfully, he simply needed a few words of affirmation for him to get out of his head. 

you grabbed jeno’s hand and gently squeezed it. “i just want you to know that it’s okay to put yourself first. you don’t always have to think about others when you’ve got so much at hand. sometimes… just sometimes… it’s okay to be selfish too!” 

your lips curled upwards into a bashful smile. “even i feel bad asking you for help. i don’t like to trouble you but i know you wouldn’t say no even if i did, especially not to me.” you were ashamed to admit that, but you could swear from the bottom of your heart that you only turn to jeno as a last resort because you didn’t want to be like one of those people who only went to him when they needed something. 

“what?” jeno pouted even more. “but i like doing things for you. i’m your boyfriend, i’d hate it if you went to anyone else for help.” 

“it’d make me feel useless,” he muttered. 

you were quick to respond. “hey! don’t say that… you’re not useless at all.”

“anyway, don’t change the subject. after this project, please say no if you don’t have the capacity to help others, including me! if your worry is not knowing how to reject others, you could start with me. we are already so close, i won’t take it to heart if i asked you for help and you said no. let alone acquaintances who barely know you. baby steps, okay?” you looked at jeno expectantly. 

jeno’s expression turned into one that was half a frown and half a smile, you could tell that he was feeling conflicted about it. “like you said, i could never say no to you, baby…” 

you tried to bite back the small smile that made its way onto your face because of the nickname so that jeno would take you seriously. “so, you‘d do something about this?” 

“only for you, yes.” jeno’s face broke into a wide smile as he tightened his grip on your hand. 

“you’re supposed to say no!” you replied jokingly in order to play off the shyness that came with jeno’s affectionate gesture. “you’ve failed the first test, i thought you were better than this…”

an incomprehensible noise left jeno’s mouth. “i’m so confused right now… so do i say yes or no?”

you sighed, well aware of how this was going nowhere given jeno’s innocence that sometimes made him come off a little… naive. like the time you told him that you were going to teach him something to tell your parents in your native tongue and he obediently repeated after you, only asking what it was later on (it was a curse word, and you were glad he asked before the actual meeting with your parents). 

“nevermind… the next time someone asks you for help, just tell me. i’ll make sure they’d never want to ask a favour from you ever again.”

jeno’s eyes widened in shock, “o-okay.”

“i’m just kidding. but seriously, i’d help you reject them so you don’t have to,” you said with a smile. 

“thank you,” jeno said sincerely, “i know you mean well, and i appreciate you looking out for me.” 

at his words, you leaned over the table to give jeno a peck on his right cheek, on the spot just slightly below his beauty mark. he laughed quietly, his smile uncontrollably becoming wider by the second.

the both of you were so immersed, it was fortunate that the café was empty enough for the moment to remain intimate. better yet, the owner was preoccupied with his tasks, not sparing a single glance at the direction of your table. 

between soft giggles and shy smiles, you and jeno indulged in each other’s loving company until the sun fell, its golden rays penetrating through the glass window situated next to your table. 

[mountainscouts]

I think Gary shouldn't be just a perfect overachiever gentleman that soothes Stan's depression. I don't dislike it but I also want to see Gary not have everything in his life in order, allow him to get angry, question Mormonism (racism, homophobia), pressure him with familial expectations (don't set bad example for his siblings, must marry a woman, etc), let him cut loose and party. Conversely, Stan isn't 24/7 doom+gloom. He can be stable, proactive and self-reflecting even before dating Gary.

WHEW. OKAY THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY ASK BOX FOR A WHILE NOW BECAUSE ITS JUST SO. SO PERFECT. where do i even begin?

okay, i have such a specific view of gary that is essentially this, seriously. when it comes to stary, people tend to gloss over gary as a character and while i can't really blame them for doing that, considering that gary is just a guy who has in total less than 3 minutes of speaking roles in his only episode, it's something i've noticed. while i wish that more people would explore him as a character with as much depth as stan, i've kinda just accepted that it won't ever be the case. BUT because of that, i've sort of hyper focused on these types of details about gary and built on his character more in that regard, going that exact direction you went in your ask.

gary, to me, is a well-polished & put together mess when he gets older. the church is such a fascinating and important facet of his life, and the fact that his character is so inherently & quintessentially mormon is a very accurate portrayal of a lot of mormons from SLC. with that, any type of interpretation of him that deviates from typical norms and values in the church is actually asking for a lot of character dissection. i understand that a lot of people would rather not, but i WOULD. and HAVE BEEN...

gary to me is gay, and i can't really see him otherwise. he finds this out– or at least has a feeling that he might be at a younger age, so already his sexuality giving him leeway in questioning the church and its beliefs. this starts leading him to be more self-aware of his societal and familial role, juggling his own beliefs, the church's, and by extension his family's. with this baggage, i guess, i'm sure it'll extend beyond that to his sense of self. what does he want to be? what does he want to make of himself? how can he feel so trapped, but by the loving arms of his family? so much to build and unpack here!!

speaking of his family, i truly believe they're ignorant folk, conservative, and traditional (inadvertently confirmed by how many children they have and how they all interact with eachother- even if that's just a joke, it proves my point that the harrisons are a decent portrayal of mormon families yet again). gary, being the middle child and if one wanted to write him as "the special one", makes for these dilemmas even more interesting honestly. from setting a good precedent for his siblings, following the path of his older ones, cramming extra-curricular activities as a means to both please his parents and even distract himself from his issues, to having to attend church meetings— it all piles up, all while his own contractions are fed more and more at the incessant exposure of daily life.

the reason why he's considered a polished mess is because he's your typical "looks like he has everything under control, actually under insane amounts of stress" character. i firmly believe that the harrisons have no ill-will, but i think the way that they raised their children falls strongly on the line of emotional neglect. their children were never taught any life lessons that'd help actually help them like- you know, regulating emotions. i've mentioned this in a previous post (and also elaborated on gary showing anger specifically) but i personally believe that while gary is a kind, and generous person to his core, there is an incredible amount of repression deep within him— a product of being raised with many, "boys dont cry"s, "love thy neighbor"s, and "forgive and forget"s. kindness specifically is actually an incredibly important aspect to mormonism, as it's a key part of the lifelong and ever present journey to celestial afterlife. but that's the thing: objectively speaking– this is just a way of control.

so when one wants to break free from this way of thinking, to lose this control, to break away from all they've known— their very livelihood— it's not going to come in the form of an overnight epiphany. in gary's case, considering how tight he is with his family versus his budding progressive views and drive to have more free reign over his self, it's going to be one hell of a struggle.

to touch on your point of him not getting everything he wants, i think that's another fundamental reason why he would question his standing in the church as well— depending on What he doesn't get. perhaps he doesn't want to serve his mission, but does so anyways. or maybe he simply had a bad day, but he can't allow himself to get upset, convincing himself that "things could be worse" as a way to make himself feel better, barring himself from healthily expressing his feelings. repeatedly saying "its okay" is going to be his downfall lol

and, i too would love to see him cut loose and party eventually- without a second thought that he'd be disappointing anyone.

okay now for stan. oh yeah that guy— no i'm just kidding, i'm also actually very picky about stan as well. :P most of your points about him align perfectly with mine. i don't like it when people woobify him to a point where his only/a major part of his character is his pessimism and depression, and while they are a part of him, it seems to be a big theme when people talk about stary. i definitely love the whole "i can fix him" thing gary has with him (because of gary's primordial urge to "fix" things and be persistent until he can't anymore) but that's definitely not all that they are!! (also gary's initial thought of "fixing" stan would already be faulty from the get-go anyways- but he will learn)

with stan, i think people tend to make him already pretty "helpless" in general fandom, and while he has shown to be more vulnerable than his peers, hes still pretty resilient. i do think that he would need a little bit of a push when it comes to his mental health, but that's only because he's found a way to cope with these issues- none of which are truly healthy. he's moreso content with being in a stalemate with himself and while he does wish he could do more, it takes a lot out of him to get out his more personal comfort zones.

kinda gives him another reason as to why him and gary are narrative foils, i just realized :P!!

but yeah!! i really loved this ask, and i probably really should indulge more in this aspect of gary >_<. its something i truly think about, and those who are close to me DEFINITELY know this! thank you for the ask and sorry it took so dang long haha. also thank you to those who read this behemoth, genuinely didnt expect to yap this much

[vasyandii]

psst psssst- hi hello- you said a while ago that Nak and Krueger end up disliking each other or smth lf the sort?? I’ve lowkey been wondering about that.. can you explain??

WHY DID KRUEGER AND NAK DISLIKE EACH OTHER?

Hi Scare! I did touch on that Veeeery briefly in the past but never got around to actually explaining it- so thank you for the Ask!!

So, before Nak officially met Krueger, she’s heard some things about him from other operators beforehand (Maybe about the shit he’s said or his past being too trigger happy during his time in the KSK, etc.) and being the judgmental person she is thought “Man, what a fucking asshole.”

Krueger before meeting her, heard of Nak as well; some brat with issues Nikolai scraped off the streets of Urzikstan that apparently knew more than enough to join the company. Krueger isn’t judgmental, however he likes poking at and getting a rise out of new people.

Because of this, Krueger upon meeting her, poked fun at her relentlessly for a few days, just to see what she was like- Not really meaning actual harm, more like to relieve boredom.

-smirking"Did you cut your hair in the dark? I think it's lopsided"

- "Looks even to me"

- "Yeah? Is that what they call even where you're from?"

- [Seething]

- leaning down to be on her eye level " I'm talking to you. Answer."

Since Nak inherited her uncle’s short temper (+ no healthy outlets at the time to deal with anger) fell into the same old habits that got her dishonorably discharged from the LPAF; she swung at him, square in his face. Krueger, understandably, defended himself and swung back.

This went on for the first month of Nak joining Chimera, once a week. Nak disliked how he just seemed to always have something to say to her. Krueger didn't like having to sit beside her in Nikolai's office and argue with her on whos fault it is their faces are beat up this time. You bet Nikolai was getting sick of it.

- Storming into his office, shrieking, "Nikolai! I don't want to work with that bastard anymore!"

- Startled a bit "Jesus fucking- "

- "I can't stand him! I can't stand him! I hate him! I want to wipe that- that- shit eating grin off his Face! I-"

- stern, "Get used to him or we remove you from this company."

- "..What?"

- "I don't know what it's like back in Laos, but here? We act like professionals."

- " He doesn't act like a professional."

- " And he's one of our best."

- "I sense Bias then."

- " You'd be right. He's shown his value over the time he's been here, you've yet to show me that. "

- "Tch. He can barely hold a gun correctly."

- "You are given the accomodations to succeed as an operator, Phayvanh. That's a privilege I don't give to everyone, you don't take advantage of it. How can I believe you're going to be an asset to this company when you can't stop yourself from fighting someone because he hurt your feelings a little? "

- "..."

- Sigh, "Be on your best behaviour. Go to your check ups. This is the last time."

- "I understand."

Krueger got a talking to as well.

- "Are you out of your damn mind?!"

- "I Shut her up after she swung."

- "You're making a fucking fool of yourself, Sebastian!"

- "Don't raise your voice at me."

-"How can I not?! You're wasting your time fighting a damn kid!"

- "I was defending myself. Thing can kick. "

- "You were provoking her."

- "Was I?"

- "Yes. This has happened before. You are making our team look bad."

- "I don't see how the image of this unit is my problem."

- "I don't see any reason why I can't just turn your ass in to the authorities for your actions prior to joining this company."

- "I'll play nice."

And so the physical fights stopped, and it was more like they bickered and talked shit to each others faces until they kind of.. just ran out of stuff to complain about each other??? By that time Nak was getting better at controlling her emotions, mellowing down outside of combat and eventually found Krueger's antics fun.

Sorry for the long read- I tried my best to keep things fairly simple ;-;

[motherstone]

can I just say. I just genuinely dislike Amulet's lack of agency and tension in the plot

I'm writing this out here in a super rambling way bc I can't organize my thoughts and I may forget if I don't get it out now,

but like,

it really was a terrible idea to introduce the plot point that Trellis's and Luger's memories were erased. That just straight up obliterated any chances to give us a reason to be invested in their motivations when it's clear there are no experiences backing those motivations, considering they don't, y'know. EXIST.

I'd be able to swallow it better if Trellis has like, trauma-related memory issues. Like that's my to go in my head.

Another is that I deeply dislike that these two are blood related, bc that like, implies Trellis's compassion towards Luger was bc of their subconscious "filial" bond, instead of Trellis's choice. Not to mention, it just confuses too many people on how tf the line of succession work, and also it never made any sense anyways, and rereading it?? The way kazu revealed it was TERRIBLE. It's not just unnecessary, it was revealed in the most excruciatingly incompetent way of writing possible. I'm shocked that didn't end up getting edited to be better or a the very least removed that dialogue

another is that Emily's actions have no bearings on the plot. Or at the very least, a lot that seemed crucial?? DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING CONSEQUENCES PERIOD. Be it on her, on her way of thinking or how other people perceive her!! It never evolves, if it does, it's baseless!!! Are you telling me she just lost the most powerful magical artifact to enemy hands bc she was tricked and bc she prioritized her family over like, the countless of lives she stands for as a member of the Resistance, and all she gets is a SLAP ON THE WRIST??? No fear or lack of self confidence or paranoia or self-blame? No reprimand or anger or blame from any ally, just complete understanding and support from everyone?? And somehow she gains even more determination and confidence???? Based on what?? "because I have to be" GIRL WHAT?????

another is Emily's main motivation being her family but like. GIRL where is the protectiveness? the worry?? Navin got separated in book 6 and just bc he's with Aly THAT'S FINE WITH YOU?? the faith is touching yes but based on what grounds?? My older sister is the most competent and responsible person I know and I still worry myself sick if she takes too long to come home from school and that's all you have to say, about your brother who went missing in an underground city infested w body stealing spirits in the MIDDLE OF WAY/BATTLEFIELD??? And it's not like Karen was any better about her kids wellbeing like UGH, the series suffers from the sheer lack of buildup to back up all this.

[doodlegirl1998]

When I enter in the fandom, I went to the fics and I saw many where "what if Izu lost his arm?" Bc of what HORI put in the damn story. "If he uses 100% of his quirk...he will lose an arm" (only Dabi, crazy villain, has a quirk that is detrimental to his own life...just saying)

What makes me frown up is how Izu losing an arm in fics offer 0 reward. Disable a hero is fine(if done correctly. Like Babs who became Oracle) and can be an amazing representation...the problem IZU NEVER GET REWARD IN THOSE SCENARIOS NOR HE IS ALLOWED TO BE MAD AT THIS SITUATION.

Like I could like such trope if Izu once lost an army suddenly is reward to "now you can use 100% of the quirk without any issue"

But NOPE. Never.

Its either for angst or shipping sake

"AW shoto still loves him aw Ocha still loves him" I Love shipping. I do but damn...come on. That sucks.

Glad to see this trope is dead (the amount of fics with this trope decreased rapidly) but still...

"It would be so cool if Izu lost his arm. He could be like Edward Elric"

And its never

"Why the fuck Hori made ofa break his bones? What Izu gain from this? What we gain from this?"

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who disliked this trope with a passion for Izuku and is glad it has now sunk into obscurity. Due to Hori's writing if he went this route with Izuku I don't see it being done well.

In fandom with this trope, while it's good to have "Izu's S.O loves him anyway" lets not leave it at that. If this route is going to be explored it needs to be done so with the depth it deserves to the real people that it affects.

Losing an limb, from what I've heard, is deeply traumatic. There's things like phantom pains. Dealing with prosthetics. Dealing with how others may do a double take. Dealing with the anger feelings from how that loss of limb came about and how things are generally harder sans a limb that others may take for granted and learning to love themselves again.

All of that deserves to be explored in a story.

Now as for OFA breaking Izu's bones - that went nowhere. Nothing was gained from it. Even the stakes of "Stop breaking your bones and I won't help you" from Recovery Girl (Ooo I don't like her and she should lose her license) as well as "Carry on like this and you will lose the use of your arms" went nowhere. There was no point other than to stop Izu being too OP too early in the story, maybe?

This reasoning is very sour to swallow when in the same story, Bakugou is allowed all the plot armour and for his weaknesses to disappear whenever Hori wants to asspull a cool new explosion move (fuck AP shot - truly)...😒

[creophagos]

[　𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 ...　]　FILES.　➔　MAJIMA,　RYUJI.

*     ◟    :    〔   ryusei yokohama,      cis man    +   he/him    〕      RYUJI    MAJIMA,      some say you’re a  THIRTY YEAR OLD  lost soul among the neon lights.      known for being both PRAGMATIC and BLUNT, one can’t help but think of  DON'T GO INSANE  by   DPR IAN  when you walk by.    are you still a    CAPO at    DEAD HAND,     even with your reputation as THE MINEFIELD?     i think we’ll be seeing more of you and    A SOFT YET COMMANDING VOICE, A SPLINTER OF YOUR SOUL CUTTING THROUGH YOUR SKIN, and THE JAGGED SIDE OF THE CLIFF’S EDGE.    although we can’t help but think of TIANYOU ZHAO 〔 YAKUZA 7 〕,    CHISHIYA 〔 ALICE IN BORDERLAND 〕,  and BADTZ-MARU whenever we see you down these rainy streets. 

[　𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 ...　]　STATS.　➔　MAJIMA,　RYUJI.

name:　ryuji majima (真島竜司, majima ryūji).

name meaning:　竜 (ryū) meaning "dragon", 司 (ji) meaning "officer, boss".

label:　the minefield. the coast looks clear, but be careful where you step.

age:　thirty years old.

date of birth:　december 31, 1993.

place of birth:　yokohama, japan.

role and affiliation:　capo, dead hand.

[　𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 ...　]　DOSSIER.　➔　MAJIMA,　RYUJI.

on new year's eve, ryuji was a newborn when he was left in a coin locker on the streets of yokohama, japan. his origins forever remain shrouded in mystery. growing up, he never dwelled on the circumstances of his abandonment, convincing himself that he was not abandoned—but rather protected.

the early days of ryuji's life were marked by the lasting effects of hypothermia, a consequence of being left in that coin locker. despite these health issues, he was taken in by a loving family who, unbeknownst to him, harbored a deep debt to the yakuza. the debt hung over their heads like a looming shadow, and ryuji felt a growing resentment towards the criminal organization.

driven by his anger and a desire to shield his family, ryuji made the life-altering decision to join the yakuza himself. he thought that by becoming one of them, he could protect his loved ones from them—however, the reality of the criminal world was far harsher than he anticipated.

as the years went by, ryuji grew disillusioned with the yakuza lifestyle. fearing for his own safety, he made the difficult choice to flee, severing ties with the yokohama criminal underworld. despite his departure, the scars of his association with the yakuza ran deep, and his adopted family chose to disassociate themselves from him, unable to forgive the path he had taken, even if it was for their protection.

finding himself alone in the world, ryuji sought refuge in new york, where he attempted to rebuild his life. however, the call of the yakuza proved too strong to resist, and he reluctantly returned to the scene, joining the dead hand to make a living. living in constant fear of reprisals against his estranged family, ryuji walks a dangerous tightrope, torn between the pursuit of survival and the haunting memories of his tumultuous past.

summary: abandoned coin locker baby. joined the yakuza in yokohama. left the yakuza in yokohama and fled. sought refuge in new york. joined dead hand to make a living.

[　𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 ...　]　PERSONALITY.　➔　MAJIMA,　RYUJI.

astrological sign:　capricorn.

lunar zodiac:　year of the rooster.

mbti:　entp.

alignment:　chaotic neutral.

temperament:　melancholic-choleric.

as a leader, ryuji puts up a front of cold indifference. he is logical, resourceful, deliberate, and calculating—but what had separated him from many yakuza was that he was a natural pacifist. any chance he could avoid instigating violent confrontations, he would. he disliked doing things the "traditional" way, but often needed to capitulate to save his own ass. for the sake of survival and getting shit done, he's become more lenient about it now.

at his core, he is soft, thoughtful, caring, nurturing. he has a heart of gold, but his circumstances make it easy for people to make negative assumptions about him. he's insecure about his softness; the way his brows draw in to meet at the middle when someone is begging to be spared, the way he feels bad about the harsh words that come out of his mouth. so, at his best, he presents indifference. as his adopted, now-estranged parents would say, he used to be such a good kid.

behaviorally, ryuji likes to wisecrack. more often than not, there's a teasing lilt in his voice when he speaks. but under the right circumstances, he's an agreeable, pragmatic person.

[　𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 ...　]　WANTED CONNECTIONS.　➔　MAJIMA,　RYUJI.

tbh i want everything and i'm open to whatever for him. i'm very flexible and will find some way to work any sort of connection into his life!

[nihil-nan]

hello \[^.^]> Nihil here

Welcome to this random blog where all my interests-will, or already did- converge into weird soup... hopefully tasty soup still.

Skip to the end if you just want updates about this blog.

Anyway, introductions and info due:

I'm:

20

Egyptian

they/he/it. Gender is.. like.. like I have like one foot in the binary, and one foot and the rest of my body out in another dimension. I just refer to myself as a transmasc enby.

I'm asexual, alloromantic though, don't be fooled by the aro posting i just really like aro and aroace tumblr.

Am I nonhuman? not 100% sure. Do I believe in God? Does God even believe in me. Am I neurodivergent? I'm undiagnosed and have no idea what even starts to classify as divergent rather than typical.

Creating an interest list is overwhelming rn so I'll get to that point when I feel like it.

DNI IF

-You discriminate against a group of people in any way shape or form, I won't bother listing the discrimination types.

-You actively either encourage or cause any forms of harm on purpose. Bonus threat-to-society points if you think you're righteous.

-You're strictly and only NSFW porn related. I don't care.

-And if you're going to pester me about me needing to believe in your religion. I extra don't care.

-You think you'll dislike being around me or my blog... In that case why are you even here.

Blog Properties:

I'm inconsistent and my activity could vary from permenantly online to weekly check and silly reblog. I'm very much a lurker mainly so please @ or ask me it's totally chill and helps me stop lurking and start interacting with you more.

I cuss oftentimes without censorship, mostly as my favourite form of exclaimation or show of anger at something. You have been warned

I post about my current interests + relating to my identity and reblog cool stuff I find. I'll always tag any one interest in particular consistently, so just use the tag and you'll get all my specific stuff.

I've only posted about worldless so far. "worldless" is the tag, "worldless game" does NOT show all my posts.

Language: default English, I can still write and translate Arabic if needed.

Current Projects Status:

If you were wondering "wuh? Nihil weren't you really into Worldless and you wanted to do projects and stuff?" Currently I've struggled with 2 Worldless projects because I ran into both personal and technical issues at the same time, idk when I'll have any proper progress. I went a bit quiet on Worldless Tumblr because everytime I remember Worldless I rush to the projects I'm dealing with instead of the community.

-Basically I did a 100% run of both Edda and Aven only (excluding perfect trial and LUCA- LUCA for obvious reasons but perfect trial is totally possible) but the recording is way too long and chunky and I need to process it first (the processing part is so much more difficult than even doing the damned perfect trial with one of the duo at a time what the hell).

-And yes I announced long ago that I would create a set of save files to help kickstart the game from any point as a sort of live reference material or for whichever other need. I called it the sum total of all projects because what it meant for me is that I could review any situation, detail, animation, in game more conveniently and base future projects off of it. HOWEVER, creating multiple saves is a super buggy process in which I accidentally started a new world in which I had all the skill points and character progression despite all the enemies still being there (how). So with my laptop storage cussing me out and my cloud storage in absolute disarray I'm literally the "this is fine" meme rn and am scared to death I'll lose like my actual save files.

-With all that gibberish I forgot some of the memes and artworks I wanted to make for the game but another IMPORTANT thing I have in mind is my contribution to the fanzine. I have not started this but fingers crossed I create at least one thing for the fanzine by the end of August.

[transformationloveb]

Time For Another Sanders Sides Analysis!!!

Oh, you thought I was done talking about my analyses of this series for a while? HA! YOU THOUGHT WRONG! I have more things to say!!

So! I talk about Roman and all the angst that's been building up for him a lot on this blog, but sometimes when I do so I get responses both agreeing with what I'm saying but also mentioning that all the other sides deserve to go a little berserk as well.

So today I'm gonna be talking about why I mainly focus on Roman in these posts other than just the fact that he's my favorite character!! And believe me, we have a lot to go over. So let's get started!!

First let's talk about Roman's arc in comparison to Logan's, since they seem to be the ones who're the closest to snapping right now.

Logan's main source of conflict is that he's being ignored. By Thomas, by the other sides, you get the jist of it. He, like all the other sides, absolutely deserves to have his issues addressed. But here's where the big difference between his issues and Roman's issues comes into play.

Logan, has already had a few moments where his anger has gotten to shine through. Obviously it's never been to enough of an extent that it could be considered, what I like to call, a "berserk moment", where he gets his chance to yell and truly crack a little bit, but it's definitely something!

Meanwhile Roman, has been sticking all of his emotions in a box and hiding it under the bed. He's been so desperate to be seen as good by Thomas that he's been willing to put up with pretty much anything to stay that way.

In Selfishness vs. Selflessness, he thought what he needed to do was befriend the dark side! Just like Patton did with Virgil! So that's the direction he went in.

His getting along with Janus in that episode can be found in this scene:

As well as in a couple others that I didn't have enough time to go grab screenshots from.

When that plan didn't end up working out, he started going against Janus! Just like Patton was doing!

And now that's not working either.

Even now, when he thinks that (almost) everyone hates him, he's still hiding most of his emotions away from everyone just for the chance that things'll go back to the way they were before.

That's why in the past few episodes he's shown up in he's been supposedly doing so much better than he was at the end of POF. Although you can definitely see a small bit of it peeking through the cracks during his section of the plushie video.

Logan's gotten the chance to yell. In Learning New Things About Ourselves,

In WTIT,

And it while it hasn't been much, it certainly seems to be more than what Roman's gotten.

"Oh but Elizabeth! Roman's been all angry at Janus recently! Doesn't that count for something?"

Honestly Hypothetical Reader, I don't think it does! Roman's dislike of Janus didn't really start showing up until after the trial in SVS, which makes me believe that that dislike initially was only there because he was following Patton and the others and didn't want to be siding with the person who everyone else saw as the villain.

The reason he was still siding against Janus after the little fight sequence with Lilypadton feels like something that might've been caused by extra confusion. Something like "Wait, why is now any different than before?! This doesn't make any sense to me!!" instead of genuine dislike. And then of course Janus said that he was just like Remus, and that dislike became very, very genuine.

All in all, Logan's already gotten a few small chances to show his anger, and Roman's gotten pretty much none.

Obviously they both need to have their issues resolved, and this post is not intended to say that Roman's issues are much more important than the others's are. But this is mainly why I'm so excited to see Roman's "berserk moment" over the other characters's. He most definitely needs it.

If y'all have any thoughts you'd like to add onto this they'd be greatly appreciated! I'd love to hear your opinions on all this.

But other than that, I think that's where I'm gonna end today's analysis.

Thanks for reading! Ta ta for now!! 👋

[carboardserpent]

what are your reasonings for liking chick hick describe in vivid detail

Oh boy where do I even start.

Okay so...

Chick isn't the first character like him that I've gotten attached to. The other one is Guzma, from gen 7 of Pokémon.

They're very similar in a lot of ways. They're the big scary antagonist with anger issues and they cause a lot of destruction which may or may not harm people (or cars?) around them. A lot of people might only see that about them.

But if you go looking, there's a lot more depth to them. Daddy issues, for one. We find that out in the Cars comics. Chick's father was abusive, no two ways about that. Nothing was ever good enough for him except first place. He got angry with Chick for stopping to help one of the other racers, claiming that he should be doing everything in his power to win, not wasting his time on others (I'm paraphrasing, that might not be exactly what was said).

The fact Chick stopped to help shows us that he wasn't always bad. He was a good kid, and I firmly believe that. It was his father who told him over and over again that he must "win at all costs" that did the damage. When you spend your whole life trying desperately to please someone who cannot be pleased, that's bound to end up reflected in who you become.

I believe that he's violent on the track because that's what he thinks he needs to do to win. Just like his dad told him. And he's insufferable off the track because of an inferiority complex: He's never won. He has a rival that always beats him, and the entire racing fanbase (millions of people) dislikes him for how reckless and destructive he is. That, of course, only gets much, much worse after the end of the first film.

Now those millions of people all hate him. He let his anger get the best of him. He wanted to beat his rival one last time before Strip retired. We know at the point he crashed Strip that he knew he couldn't win. Lightning was miles ahead. He didn't crash Strip to try and win. He specifically said, "I am not coming in behind you again." That's the inferiority complex coming through. When you go your entire career and never get more than second place because of one specific man, yeah. You're gonna be bitter about it.

Then, when Lightning stopped, that meant Chick won. He wasn't expecting to win, but he did. He won, and as a result, his dad would be proud of him. Right? Well, we can't know for sure, but I don't think so. Not because he crashed Strip, no. But because Lightning LET him win. So despite everything, despite being universally hated by millions of people, he still couldn't make that one man proud of him, which is what he's been trying to do his entire life.

Then we get to Cars 3. At this point, Chick has had YEARS of being hated by the entire racing community. He's probably incredibly depressed, clutching to the one cup he has like a lifeline and living purely out of spite. He made a TV show so people couldn't just put him out of their minds. He made it a good show, so even if they hated him, they would still watch it. They made his life miserable, so he's not going to let them forget about him. I think he leans into the hate because otherwise it would smother him. How could it not? Everyone expects him to act like a dick, so he does. He's even worse than he used to be. At this point, it's his entire identity.

Under all that, though, I think he's probably hurting and lonely. I don't think Strip's crash was supposed to be as bad as it was. I think all he wanted was to cause him to spin out into the infield. Harmless. But it went wrong, and he leaned into it to save his already fragile ego. It was easier to admit he was brutal than it was to admit he made a mistake. Especially when his dad was watching.

But you know, most of that is just speculation and some headcanons to fill in the gaps. It's why I love him so much, though. I thought about the effects of his actions and what impact that might have on him, but I also tried to figure out why he did those things to begin with. That's important for understanding a character; the why. This is where I ended up.

Thank you for asking, though, because I can not gush about this guy enough. I have so many Thoughts(tm) about him.

[psychcpomps]

( dev patel, thirty-one, cis-man, he/him ) ☼ i know it’s a small town, but i run into HARIJ ‘HARI’ VASAV every time i go to THE STARDROP SALOON. it’s like they practically live there and not PELICAN TOWN for SIX MONTHS. it must be because they’re STUBBORN and GUARDED. come to think of it, that’s probably why they’re an MONSTER SLAYER too. but i did hear they want to FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE AGAIN, and sometimes they like to BOX. rumor has it they also like BOXING GLOVES, but dislike MOUTH GUARDS. what do you think? 

full name — harij vasav nickname(s) — hari name meaning — harij: the horizon. vasav: lord indra age — thirty-one date of birth — august 1st place of birth — stardew valley star sign — leo sun, aries moon, scorpio rising current location — stardew valley gender — cis-male ( allegedly ) pronouns — he/him sexual orientation — bisexual until proven gay religion — hindu / it’s complicated occupation — monster slayer  education level — medical school drop out  family — munjal vasav ( father ), kalyani vasav ( mother ), hayva vasav ( sister ), irshaan vasav ( brother ) finances — getting by  spoken languages — english, gujarati

inspos will come later heavy inspo from creed tho

tw: dsyfunctional family, brother struggles with mh issues, so does hari but it's very light in mentioning, mentions of violence in terms of boxing etc

when your dad is a world renowned neurosurgeon it’s a hard pedestal to fall from, especially if you feel like you haven’t been able to measure up. 

hari grew up as a shadow, at least, that’s what his dad called him when he would go to work with his father because him and his mother were fighting again and they couldn’t find child care. it seemed insane that a couple years later they would inevitably get back together again and have another child, and then one more. then,his father would have three shadows. 

where hayva was the golden child, and irshaan the forgotten black sheep, it left hari in a weird place in the family. the eldest son, but never the star. he’d parent his siblings, even if it felt like hayva had everything under control. she was, in many ways, a carbon copy of their father. 

where his dad was tough, his mother was warmth. they didn’t see each other very much considering most of his time was in his father’s house. they had moved out of the valley when hari was seven, but would visit sometimes since both parents had family still living there. 

hari lived his life constantly trying to catch the wave of adrenaline he felt whenever anyone would pick on him at the playground, by the time that hari was ten he learned how to use his fists instead of words. people weren’t always kind to irshaan who didn’t do well in school, and was shy, and hari was the protector and would do anything for his family. 

it seemed that the streak of doing anything for irshaan would follow them into their adulthood. by age seventeen irshaan had cut himself off from the family, aside from hari and was constantly on the move to wherever he found his happiness next. it made hari worry for him. 

when hari was fifteen he took up boxing as a way to let the anger out, his father and mother never understood why he was so angry all the time and he didn’t know how to tell them that it was the pressure that they put on him, plus the fact that he hardly saw either of them. their parents might have loved hari and his siblings but it sometimes felt like that love could only extend to what kind of glory they could show their friends and family. 

things would change about a year after hari’s first year of college. his dad’s hands started shaking, and it was a slow decline by then. hayva went into action, while irshaan ran away from the family, and hari? well, he started skipping classes to go to underground boxing leagues, he’d come home with a black eye and his mother didn’t understand where her boys went. 

once upon a time hari’s father had dreams of his eldest son taking over his practice, but hari couldn’t really do it anymore. the rest would fall on hayva who was already in school to take over for her father. she’d be written about in papers, often reminiscing on how much the medical field missed their dad but the legacy would continue with or without hari. 

hari doesn’t talk to his family much, but keeps in contact with irshaan who had previously been hiding out in stardew valley. their family has all but moved out aside from the small little house that they all lived in once, before his father’s fame kicked off, when things were much simpler. 

hari doesn’t really know where irshaan is right now, but he keeps in contact when he can. as for hari? he still boxes, but he damaged his hand in a bad fight and it hasn’t been the same since. he supposes that he and his dad have a few things in common now. 

he decided to take up monster slaying about six months ago.

some other things:

it's giving what do you do when you never lived up to what you were meant to do

its giving eldest boy that was also a parent to his siblings but not a very good one

he's very Sad but also just kind of like 'well fuck it this might as well as happen'

still boxes, but you know its not the same, he's in pain and refuses to get the help that he needs

probably gives lessons ??? idk in boxing / self defense / how to defend yourself

does odd jobs all around town for extra cash, probably picks up a few shifts here and there where he can

[devastatinglygreen]

Oh don’t get me started on the S2 visit. I know you’ve spoken about your dislike about the show change of the “never marry/never court” scene and let me tell you I have the same level of anger towards the entire “You have Penelope..” scene. The way he responds to that line, the way he apologized to her for….being so baby trappable?? She really said she had nothing to apologize for and did what she had to and the show really had Colin still say in both seasons 2 & 3 that LW ruined her life. Sir she admitted to wanting to ruin yours. Now I’m thinking of an alternate universe where someone with SENSE would’ve realized Colin probably shouldn’t have gone there alone and Eloise went along with him and that’s how Phillip and Eloise meet.

And I was so worried about the brothel scenes prior to the season and ended up not being bothered by them at all (minus the end of the second one. Like if he was that uninterested why not just leave? Or have it be clear the women are doing it moreso for their own pleasure rather than he could watch since he paid?) However I did enjoy everything about Colin’s S3 portrayal because he had an actual arc that followed through.

i feel like i know what they were trying to do there but it fell flat.

colin is so weirdly honor bound in s1 that you're like, my guy, are you trying to be like your brothers or the exact opposite of them? i don't even know if he knows.

also like, let's be real, i think he feels guilty over not just leaving her to her fate but that he doesn't regret it actually thanks. he could have chosen to marry her if he loved her, he didn't so he said bye and good luck with all that

he talks about not being lonely because he discovered himself or whatever randomly pretentious man thing he said (ilysm, colin, i do, never change) and that probably played into his guilt. that man was relieved in the end. a bruised heart? a bruised ego more so methinks.

and tbh i think he really wanted her to have remorse for how she treated him, he wanted to maybe feel that there was guilt that wasn't only his burden. colin is just a really solid dude (when he's not eating his whole feet) and to see her content made him feel even less content, he can't absolve her guilt because she has none. and he can't absolve his own because it depended on his idea of hers. he really likes to think that solving other people's issues will fix his own.

bro. it won't.

if colin was a girl, she'd be that one girl we all know who's like "i can fix him" while we all watch on in horror because he would literally try.

baby girl. colin. no. you cannot.

i want eloise and phillip to meet, ha.

but i also sort of think it was good he went alone as it was tbh. he needed to be made uncomfortable there i'm guessing. he's been stewing in guilt for someone who probably never gave him a second thought. that's humbling. using her to bring up penelope was not subtle at all. when a blunt object meets an oblivious wall i suppose.

you know, the second brothel scene didn't bother me, i was like, that man is being haunted by the horrors. sitting there totally uninterested in the girls while staring at a wall thinking about penelope is what he gets for going out with his douchey friends. what if he had to sit there the whole time because they were all there? pretending to be fine but like, dying inside wishing you were with the girl of your dreams?

they should torture all male romantic leads in some capacity like that. for every fridged woman, i demand a man so pathetic he can't even function due to being down that bad for a woman.😌

[myinnerartist]

This makes me have many thoughts. And so many questions. In a good way!

Like,

Why was he the one spared?

Was it because Asch saw his talent? And had the braincell hitting the corner like the logo pingo ponging on a tv screen and went, "i should make you one of my knights, you have use."

Or perhaps Leif is projecting his own cowardice onto his comrades. And that he was the coward, actually.

Maybe trying to cope with that, maybe he's the reason they were killed.

Another question,

Why does he respect Asch?

If it was the mission to kill him. But they failed, and he was spared.

He respects him because he was spared?

Actually. When i first read your ending to the post. For a second, i thought you implied Asch killed them.

Which holly sugar ice tea. That would be one hell of angst.

Imagine if Leif lied. He doesn't respect him at all. His Respect is actually hatred disguised, waiting until it can take its revenge.

Though this isn't the case, it's fun to imagine. Lol.

Anywho,

Perhaps it wasn't a mission to kill asch. But it was a different mission to kill someone else. A mission Asch found himself apart of around the ending of said mission. He still could've "spared" him because due to Leifs nature as an assassin, it could've been one of Asch’s duty to kill him.

I mean, we have Pierce who seems to be implied as a gentle giant, and he seems to not fully like Leif. Let alone trust him.

"Ugh, your unquestioning loyalty is disgusting" -Leif, ep 3

"I do not expect a former assassin to understand loyalty" -pierce

I think there were instances of the others' distrust, disgust, or dislike toward leif, but i can't remember where to find them nor remember them in entirety either.

(Looks like im going to have to watch the show again *Sigh* dont get me wrong, but i. My second embarrassment wishes to kill me. XD)

On another note.

I think their still some content within them actually leaving him...

Imagine, a mission to kill Asch, gone wrong. And Leif was abandoned by his own team, his friends, someone he called a brother.

... Perhaps they were cowards, and he has every right to call them that. But maybe they left him because he himself was also a coward. Left behind, for they think he's the one dragging them down... maybe deemed he wasn't as talented as themselves.

And so, they left him, abandoned him.

To die. To be killed, used as an escape goat.

Except. He didn't die. He wasn't killed. Because Asch spared him. Why? i do not know, but oh.

The return to daemos, now on their search for Ava, and he runs into them. His old "pals," oh, what a heartwarming reunion.

Also, is the scar from his childhood? Perhaps so if he feels comfortable showing it, no problem. It also doesn't seem to have any eye sight issues either.

Or maybe he got it from the day they left him behind. What if he wears that scar openly as a reminder of what they did that fateful day. Maybe a badge, a promise, that'll he show them, that he's better than them, he's gonna be better than they ever were, than they ever can be.

Or even a warning, a warning that oh if their paths ever cross...

...He will make sure they won't be getting out with just scars.

(Though, i know he isn't one to to much anger, and this conversation was more of a saddened tone. (I think, oh golly dear me) I could still argue that this moment was a more calmer one, (right?) and allowed his still sadness about the group to show a lil. I mean. They were once friends, he was has someone he called brother amongst them too.)

So, anyway, I'm so sorry i just. This gave me many thoughts, and i wanted to share a few. Hope that's alright!

Hi Aphblr. It's me again. I learned something tragic about Leif.

You know how he says his gang of misfits "left him behind"? You know how he also said he needed to censor what he told Ava?

This is the conversation:

"I grew up with a lot of other daemos like me. A lot of us bonded over being abandonded and things like that. I was really close with brother."

"Your brother?"

"Everyone's, really. ANyway... something happened and.... i got..."

"Something bad happened?"

"We had a job to do and... i got left behind..... Heh, it's a long story! Bunch of cowards who couldn't kill as good as I could... anyway, long story short, I met asch after I was spared."

"Spared?"

"Yeah.... (changes subject) Even though it doesn't look like it a lot of us are Asch's knights because we respect him."

Y'all. He wasn't LITERALLY left behind.

"something happened"

"I got left behind"

"Cowards who couldn't kill as good as I could"

"I met Asch after I was spared" "spared?" AND HE CHANGES THE SUBJECT.

THEY WERE KILLED. THEY LEFT HIM AS IN THEY DIED. HE WAS FIGURATIVELY LEFT BEHIND. THEY WERE KILLED. THEY FAILED TO KILL ASCH AND HE QAS THE ONLY ONE TO BE SPARED.

[because-of-a-friend]

Enemies to Lovers!Jeonghan

MASTERLIST

One day I will come up with titles for my works lol. 

Hi Hannah!!!! Thanks for requesting! I loved doing this one! I went ahead and went with Jeonghan cuz I feel like he fits this trope best! Sorry you had to wait so long, this particular fic got deleted like... three times so it was a struggle lol. I hope it’s what you were looking for!

I hope this is a good one, I’m realizing I get real insecure about my writing anytime I’m not doing a bulletpoint or reaction fic, so I don’t feel great about this time. Also I only started recently putting actual detail into my kiss scenes and idk how I’m doing with those???? Like do they seem ok??? Also I feel like I make it so obvious that I am such a sucker for SVT having cute nicknames for siblings, friends, partners, etc in fics lol. Anyways...

Also, I really said: Jeonghan... but in different types of lighting

Remember I don’t own the gif! Link to OP is right there if you want to go give the creator some love!!!

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Mentions eating, reader is using female pronouns (I will keep things gn unless you request differently), I think that’s it, pls let me know if I missed any

You’re not sure exactly how it happened. It was probably just an instance of getting off on the wrong foot, that led to more awkward interactions, giving both of you the wrong impression of each other. You knew this, you could rationalize it all. You were well aware that all it would take was one “I think we might have the wrong idea of each other” conversation and it would all be over. You could easily fix it all, but…

But his stupid smug face. The sarcastic jokes. The never-ending pranks that were not as funny as he thought they were. His ridiculous arrogance. His overall unapologetic nature towards all of it.

You couldn’t help but hate Yoon Jeonghan.

*****

“I don’t know, Wonnie…” you say uneasily over the phone. In previous years, you’d go over to the dorm without hesitation. You loved spending time with your brother and many of the other boys. But ever since you had officially met and begun interacting with Jeonghan…

“C’mon, [Y/N]! I bought that new game you were talking about! We can play it together on my gaming system!” Wonwoo began to persuade. You knew you’d give in; you always did. Your brother was far too sweet a person and far too comforting a presence to reject. The question was how long did you want to argue with him about going to the dorm.

You sighed, accepting defeat early to save time, “I’ll head over there in a bit.”

Wonwoo gives a small cry of victory, “Ok, I’ll have Gyu make extra ramen.” Wonwoo abruptly hangs up the phone right after, leaving you in silence to groan in regret of your decision.

You immediately straighten yourself out, though, trying to put yourself in a mindset of determination. What were you thinking? Just because you and that asshole didn’t get along meant you couldn’t go see your own twin brother without feeling uncomfortable? Screw that! If he wanted to keep the peace then he was going to have to start watching where he stepped around you. 

*****

You knocked loud and clear on the door of their dorm, knowing that with thirteen people living inside, it was usually too noisy for them to hear someone signal their arrival. To your relief, Seungcheol opened the door just moments after you knocked and greeted you with a warm smile followed by a hand sneaking into your hair to ruffle it, “Hey there, kiddo! How’s it hanging?”

“Just fine,” you tilt your head down slightly in his direction as you pass him to enter the dorm. “How are things here?” As soon as you ask, your ears are met with the noise of someone dropping something in the kitchen, followed by Seungkwan crying in alarm.

“Same as always, I supposed,” Seungcheol sighs, but his smile doesn’t fade. “I think Mingyu and Wonwoo are already in the computer room, if you want to go ahead and see them!”

“Ok, thanks Cheol!” you call as you both rush off in different directions, him towards the kitchen and you towards the small room that would provide you solace from the possibility of having to see Yoon Jeonghan.

You were determined not to let things go how they usually did: you with your mouth clamped shut as Jeonghan spoke whatever teasing words he had saved up for you, and the most you can do to fight back is by rolling your eyes and finding any way to get away from him.

This time, you would still avoid contact with him, but if it happened, you’d speak your mind and not care what he thought, since that’s how he treated you.

But there was no sign of him or anyone else as you walked to the computer room. You could hear Mingyu and Wonwoo yelling and cheering at the game long before you opened the door. It was pitch black inside, the piercing light of the screen making you squint your eyes.

The two men inside both turn immediately to check who offended their dark space with the soft, yellow light from the hallway.

“Oh [Y/N], you came!” Mingyu beams up at you. You nod, matching his bright expression.

“How’s the game?” you ask simply, looking up to your brother.

“We like it so far,” Wonwoo’s smile is wide, he always gets excited about new games, whether they’re good or not. He leans over to grab a can of some sort of energy drink before gulping it down. “We left some ramen for you over there on the table. Eat first, then I’ll let you have a turn.”

You roll your eyes, though Wonwoo was only mere minutes older than you, he found those moments to be enough leverage to order you around and act like you should be dependent on his care. There were times when he even referred to himself as “oppa” to you and insisted that you do the same.

Most of the time you let it slide, especially when you weren’t in the mood to argue. However, there were times when you’d pull out the “We’re the same age,” “Even if you’re older, I’m smarter,” or “Don’t boss me around when I’m more mature than you” cards at the drop of a hat.

“Can you at least turn on the LEDs while I eat?” you ask, tip-toeing in the darkness towards the table at the back end of the room. You hear a click before a soft blue glow fills the room, finally giving you a clear view of your path. You pull the bowl of ramen towards you as you sit and resist the urge to comment on how little they left you. The dorm was filled with food anyways, you could find more later if you got hungry again.

Wonwoo and Mingyu begin to eagerly tell you what they like about the game as you eat. You listen happily, feeling safe in the presence of your brother and friend.

Then of course…

“Hey you two, Cheol wanted me to remind you that we have to get up early tomorrow,” you can’t help the sour expression that comes over your face as Jeonghan enters the room to speak to Wonwoo and Mingyu. “Oh, hey there cutie, I didn’t know you were here!” His smirk makes you sick.

“Don’t call me that,” you say bitterly into the nearly empty bowl.

Wonwoo looks nervously between you and his bandmate, well aware of the dislike you have for him. He’s grateful that you’ve always kept it so civil, but still feels bothered by the unrest between you.

Jeonghan lets out a little giggle in response, and Wonwoo feels a tug in the pit of his stomach, he wishes Jeonghan wouldn’t be so hard on you sometimes. He knows his hyung doesn’t mean anything by it, but you…

You feel your heart sink as Jeonghan steps fully into the room, striding to sit across from you at the table. You can only stare in wonder at his audacity as he slides the bowl towards himself and finishes off the ramen in one bite.

“I was eating that,” you try to keep your tone measured, attempting to keep within the balance of standing up for yourself but not starting any drama that would affect the boys.

“Go make more if you’re hungry, then,” Jeonghan says casually, making your anger positively flare.

You don’t even give your brother the chance to mediate, jumping up from your place and leaving the room, wanting to be anywhere but around that prick.

*****

“You’re leaving already?” Mingyu pouts at you.

“Gyu, I’ve been here for hours,” you laugh, stretching out your fingers as they start to prick from pain of slamming into a keyboard for so long. You had returned to the computer room but only after Jeonghan left. Part of you had wished you had done more to confront him; another part was glad you didn’t start a fight and put Wonwoo in an awkward position. “Besides all of you, as well as me have to get up early tomorrow, it’s already late. I need to get back home.”

“You can stay here,” Wonwoo was quick to offer.

You shook your head at him, “Then I’ll just have to get up even earlier, I’ll go back to my place.” Wonwoo nods almost reluctantly, standing to walk you out.

All of you run into Joshua on your way to the front door, he turns out to be the only one smart enough to ask how you got there.

“Oh, I took the bus,” you say slowly, knowing this is about to cause issues.

“Well, the last one would have already stopped running by now,” Mingyu says looking at the time on his phone.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Josh offers immediately.

You bring your hands up to shake them back and forth, “No, no, I can find a way home, you all need to go to bed.”

“[Y/N],” Wonwoo speaks up immediately in that stern voice you hate but also can’t help but listen to, “let Josh take you home. It’s either that or you stay here, I won’t have you walking around alone at night.” Wonwoo waits a moment to gauge your expression. He finally nods affirmatively, before speaking directly to Joshua, “Take her home, please.”

Joshua nods before walking off to grab his keys. You and Wonwoo send Mingyu off to bed. Once you’re alone, your brother pulls you in for a tight hug. “Do you want me to say something to him?” he asks lowly.

You shake your head, “I don’t want to cause any problems with you guys.” You sit in silence for a moment. “Come and stay over with me sometime, I miss our sleepovers.”

Joshua comes back and Wonwoo pulls away, “Thanks, hyung. Please get her home safe.” For the second time that night, your hair gets ruffled before your brother disappears to go off to bed.

The ride home with Joshua is comfortable. He speaks kindly to you and makes you smile.

You begin to wonder how amongst all these angels, there exists a person like Yoon Jeonghan.

*****

Wonwoo used the new game as leverage to guilt you into coming over quite often in the following weeks. You hadn’t realized how much you had limited your time at the dorm until you started going consistently once more. It was nice being able to spend time with the boys again. You hated that Jeonghan had become such an unbearable presence that it affected your relationship with the rest of your friends.

But ever since you had started to stand your ground and talk back, he had finally begun to avoid you. You supposed it was only fun for him when you sat there and took it.

It didn’t stop the two of you from bickering when you saw each other, but now both of you preferred to avoid each other instead of Jeonghan seeking you out to tease you.

The following weeks of visiting were fairly comfortable. Whenever Jeonghan wasn’t around, you got to spend plenty of time with the other boys and your brother. Plus, the new video game was even better than expected.

Jeonghan’s presence slowly became uncomfortable in a different way.

Instead of being smug and overbearing, he became strangely quiet around you. His facial expressions became more serious as he sent genuine glares your way before letting out bitter remarks and going on his way.

It made you even angrier.

Who the hell was he to torture you all this time and then act like a kicked puppy when you finally fought back???

Your anger and his bitterness slowly escalated the tension between you two. Although they were happening less frequently, the arguments between you became more serious and almost hurtful.

Whatever, you told yourself, he could do as he pleased, you wouldn’t let it affect you anymore.

*****

You stared down at your phone screen. Why? Why did it have to be here, while you were at the dorm?

The call was only five minutes. They didn’t even do it in person. Of course, they had warned that because of hard times, there’d be lay-offs soon. But they couldn’t even do it in person? And all you got was a simple “Sorry, come collect your things on Monday”??? You were a hard worker, passionate about the job, more efficient than most of your coworkers and this is how they treated you???

A part of you could’ve guessed, many of the employees your age had gotten in because of nepotism. But you didn’t want to believe that they’d just brush off all your years of hard work just to avoid stepping on the toes of higher-ups who had relative connections hired at the company.

You squatted against the wall of the hallway, still too in shock to move.

So, you simply sat in silence, for what seemed like forever.

“You good?” you had never felt worse than the exact moment his voice reached your ears.

“Go away,” you said sternly, knowing you’d be crying soon.

“Geez, forgive me for asking,” Jeonghan responds before turning to walk away. He stops abruptly after you sniffle. “So, you’re not ok?”

“No offense, Jeonghan,” you say hating the way your voice is shaking, “but you are the last person I want to speak to right now.”

There’s a heavy silence for a long moment. You silently pray that he’ll just leave. “Do you want me to get your brother?” he asks lightly.

You shake your head, “No, I don’t want to ruin the mood. I’m going to go home, just tell him I had a stomach ache.” You push yourself up and begin to walk briskly towards the door.

To your surprise, Jeonghan reaches out to stop you. You stare at his hand wrapped around your arm and wonder if you’ve ever even allowed him to touch you before. “It’s already late, let me give you a ride.”

You pull his hand off of you, “No, thanks.” You grab your coat and start to dig around in your purse to make sure you have all of your belongings.

“[Y/N],” Jeonghan’s voice rings clear in your head despite your brain feeling fuzzy. You don’t want to look at him. Who is this person that’s showing concern and speaking kindly? You don’t like it. It feels fake. It feels like a predator playing with a wounded prey. You’re just waiting for him to laugh or make a remark or do anything to make you feel worse than you already do.

But Jeonghan simply grabs the keys laying on the front table, grabs your arm once more, and leads you out to the car.

*****

The ride is suffocatingly silent. You wished he’d at least turn on some music to cover up the sound of your crying, but you remained in the quiet. You rolled down your window and stuck your head out, letting the warm night air and sound of wind comfort you. Since you were turned away from him completely, you didn’t see Jeonghan glancing over at you throughout the drive.

You couldn’t have left that car faster when you finally pulled up to your apartment.

To your dismay, Jeonghan also gets out, apparently intent on walking you up.

“You don’t have to-” you start but abruptly stop when he gives you a look telling you an emotion you don’t quite understand.

Jeonghan finally speaks when you’re riding the elevator up to your floor, “I don’t really mean it, you know.”

“Mean what?” you say weakly, starting to feel the exhaustion from crying so much.

“When I talk to you like that… I mean when I’m… rude,” he trails off, running a hand through his hair. “Usually it’s just teasing, but obviously I went too far with you. And I didn’t realize it until you started showing how upsetting it was for you. I should’ve known before that, though.”

“You seemed ruder after I started talking back,” you say, confused.  

“I was just being petty and defensive. I kept telling myself things like: It’s her fault, isn’t it? She should have made it more clear from the beginning that it was upsetting her. How was I supposed to know? But that was just me being immature, I should’ve just talked to you.”

“Is that an… apology, Yoon Jeonghan?” you ask, letting yourself be a little smug.

For the first time, you get a genuine smile out of him, “Maybe.”

There’s more silence for a second.

“It’s a two-way road, though,” you say finally.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I mean, I could have also come and talked to you instead of letting things escalate,” you say. “I played some part in all of this… unpleasantness. You can’t entirely blame yourself.”

Jeonghan smiles again, reaching out to ruffle your hair the way Seungcheol always did. Then he takes a dramatic deep breath and rolls his shoulders, “There! That feels better, doesn’t it? We can finally be friends!”

You roll your eyes in a playful manner, but you feel it too, a weight has been lifted.

*****

Wonwoo showed up at your door in the middle of the night that night. You took one look at his frantic face and groaned, “I told Jeonghan I would tell you myself.”

“You should have told me immediately!” your brother pouts as he passes you to walk into your apartment.

“I didn’t want to worry you so late, especially when all of you were having a good time. I was going to tell you tomorrow,” you close the door behind him. You watch as he turns on the TV and starts picking through your pantry. “Hmmm, yes it seems quite clear that you came here out of concern for me,” you can’t help but use a sarcastic tone.

Wonwoo sends a glare your way as he grabs snacks and settles on the couch. You sit next to him, grabbing your fair share of the food. You try to keep your attention on the show, but the feeling of Wonwoo staring straight at you is distracting.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry,” you sigh.

“Really? Because Jeonghan described you as an emotional wreck,” your brother scoffs.

“I was just shocked and upset. I’ll be ok. I have a good resume, I can find a new job,” you insist.

“I keep telling you, you don’t have to work-”

“I don’t care how much you make,” you interrupt. “I’m not going to depend on you. It’ll just make trouble for both of us.”

“Will you at least let me help out if there’s any problems before you find a new job?” Wonwoo kicks at your leg.

“Like I would even tell you if I was having trouble,” you return his kick.

“You just can’t help but be difficult,” your brother complains quietly.

You let the sound of the show take over the room for a few minutes. “I do have good news,” you finally speak up, wanting to give your brother some peace of mind about something. “Me and Jeonghan made up. We figured it out.”

Wonwoo bolts upright with a grin on his face, “Really??? It’s really all good now?”

“100%,” you say, unable to stop yourself from pinching your brother’s cheeks, finding his excited expression cute.

“Let’s celebrate soon then! We can have a big gaming party with all of the boys!” You agree to your brother’s proposal. You feel content in this moment, knowing you’ll wake up in the morning in an uncomfortable position, immediately kick at his legs and tell him to get his stinky feet away from you.

*****

Your time at the dorm increases with the weight of you and Jeonghan’s rivalry being gone. You’re enjoying getting to know him as a friend instead of constantly walking on eggshells around him. Going to visit the boys is once again a happy and comfortable experience.

You hadn’t realized how much Jeonghan had affected you until you two had worked things out. The world felt light again and you could breathe, no longer in constant worry of possibly ruining things between your brother and his bandmates.

You hoped things would remain without complications for a long time.

*****

“Seungkwan, you should come with us!” you begged. “The carnival only comes once a year; you can’t miss it!”

“But it’s so crowded and there are screaming kids everywhere,” Seungkwan complains.

“Oh, whatever,” Soonyoung interjects. “You love it every time we go.”

Seungkwan gives Soonyoung a look that has you laughing through your mouthful of ramen. “Oh, shoot,” you say feeling liquid start to dribble down your chin. “Can I get a napkin?”

“Here’s one,” you hear Jeonghan’s voice as he enters the room. You reach out to grab the napkin as Seungkwan and Soonyoung continue bickering. But instead of handing it to you, Jeonghan extends his hand not holding the napkin towards you. His fingers come to lightly touch your chin and turn you towards him. Jeonghan wipes your face with the napkin himself, taking the time to make sure it’s really all clean. “All better,” he smiles at you, running his thumb across your chin to check its cleanliness one last time.

As Jeonghan walks away, you turn to see if Seungkwan or Soonyoung saw what had happened. They were still arguing, though. The boys showing you physical touch or affection wasn’t really all that uncommon. But for some reason, the way Jeonghan had grabbed your chin just now… Why was your heart beating so hard?

*****

You couldn’t stop yourself from dragging Wonwoo all over the carnival. It was nice to get out in this environment, the lights, the laughter, the food, the games, the rides. You wanted to do everything, but not before you looked at all there was and took in the spectacle.

You could hear all the boys laughing excitedly behind you, you knew they’d want to try everything as well. You shook your head at Seungkwan’s bright expression, you couldn’t wait to play the ‘I told you so’ card later.

The night was a blur. All of you ran from games to rides to snacks and then all over again.

You couldn’t help but stop completely in your tracks as you passed a booth with a giant stuffie of your favorite animal as a prize. Your fascination with the plushie doesn’t go unnoticed.

“You want me to win it for you?” Jeonghan’s voice is suddenly speaking right into your ear. You jump after realizing he was right behind you. You grip your cotton candy a bit tighter and shyly nod. The way Jeonghan grins at you fills you with warmth.

You watch him walk over to the booth. His light hair and pink shirt were illuminated by the soft glow of the surrounding lights. Jeonghan takes his wallet out and hands some bills to the vendor. You step up closer to stand next to him as he plays the game. He laughs as he chats back and forth with the vendor. You watch in awe as Jeonghan clears the game, no problem.

“Anything from the top shelf!” the vendor exclaims happily.

“That one please,” Jeonghan points right at the stuffie you had been staring at.

“It’ll be a wonderful memory for your girlfriend,” the vendor smiles as he hands the prize directly to you.

“Oh, I’m-”

“Of course!” Jeonghan interrupts you almost instantly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and starting to pull you away from the game. “We’ll cherish it for a long time! Thanks for the game!” The vendor waves kindly as you two walk away. After a moment, Jeonghan pulls his arm off of you, “Sorry, sometimes it’s just easier to agree than explain, you know?” You nod in agreement. “Wait a second,” he stops you by putting his hands on your shoulders and standing in front of you. Before you can ask what’s wrong, his hand comes up towards your face as it had earlier that day. He quickly swipes his thumb across your lips before pulling to back to show you remnants of your cotton candy. “Do you always eat this messily?” he grins and then, to your surprise, puts his thumb in his mouth to clean it off.

You stand there, frozen, unable to really comprehend what just happened as Jeonghan walks away towards the other boys.

“For the second time today?” Soonyoung is suddenly standing next to you.

“So you did see what happened earlier!” you exclaimed, hitting his arm lightly. “It was weird, right?!”

“Can’t tell yet,” Soonyoung replies cocking his head to the side and putting his hands in his pocket. “Sometimes Jeonghan is just sort of naturally flirtatious. But I’m not sure about you. I figured since you two didn’t get along at first, it’d take him awhile to warm up to you at that level. He seemed to get comfortable with you quite quickly.” Soonyoung turns and shrugs at you after his words.

“You’re no help at all,” you say emotionlessly. There’s a pause before both you and Soonyoung slowly look at each other and laugh at your quip.

You decide to brush off your new concerns about Jeonghan and enjoy this night with the boys. The vendor was right, it was a good memory, and you’re sure it’d last you for your whole lifetime.

*****

You hate yourself a bit for it, but you once again seem to be avoiding Jeonghan. He had made you so nervous that day, and the way your heart pounded… You didn’t want to get sucked into having a silly crush on him if he wasn’t actually trying to flirt with you.

No, from now on, interactions with Jeonghan would be friendly but short and appropriate.

You were stupid to think he wouldn’t notice.

It wasn’t long before there came a night when Jeonghan insisted that he be the one to give you a ride home. You couldn’t help the way your nerves spiked at his determination to be the one to take you. You knew he most likely wanted to talk to you about your sudden distance from him.

The ride itself was nice, Jeonghan rolled the windows down for you, remembering that you enjoyed the warm night air of summer. You talked comfortably with one another. Jeonghan was always able to make you smile so easily.

You couldn’t stop yourself from staring at him. He was just wearing a t-shirt and sweats but… His blonde hair being illuminated in the moonlight as he ran his hands through it and his bright smile as he laughed...

He really was beautiful.

Once again, Jeonghan came with you to walk you to your door. And once again, he finally spoke up in the elevator, “You’ve been avoiding me, sweetheart.” Your heart drops to your stomach at the nickname. “Is everything ok? Did I do something to make you mad again?”

You quickly shake your head and pull your hands up to shake them as well, “No! Not at all!”

“You sure?” he insists.

“Yoon Jeonghan, you really don’t think I’d tell you if you did?” you say.

He giggles, “Yeah, that’s true. You’d let me know the moment I messed up, wouldn’t you?” The elevator dings and opens up to your floor. You and Jeonghan step out together. “Is everything else ok, then? You don’t start avoiding people for no reason.”

You nod as casually as possible, “Everything is great.” Your tone isn’t convincing and Jeonghan nudges you. “I guess, I just got… nervous? I mean one moment we were like enemies and then the next we were suddenly really… close, and-”

“I made you uncomfortable?” Jeonghan’s voice is slightly panicked.

“No, you did nothing wrong! It’s all on me, I just got caught up in my emotions and-” you stop abruptly when you realize what you were about to do.

Jeonghan nods quietly as if to say he understands, but what it is he understands, you’re not sure. “Is it ok for us to remain close, or do you want me to back off?”

“I don’t want any more distance between us, but…” you trail off.

“But, what?” he prompts you again.

“I don’t want to get the wrong idea about anything…” you say, finally reaching your door.

Jeonghan watches as you slowly unlock your door and push it open, “You haven’t gotten the wrong idea about anything.” He avoids eye contact when you look up at him.

You’re shocked by his forwardness. But once he voices his thoughts out loud, you once again feel the feeling of a weight being lifted.

Jeonghan gestures for you to step inside, catching your arm once you fully pass him. He pulls you back to him, close enough for him to lean in and leave a quick kiss on your cheek, “Night, babe, I’ll see you later.”

You stand there, completely still, staring at your door that had shut closed in front of you. You can feel heat rise from the tip of your toes all the way up to your ears. You finally let yourself fall into a squatting position, covering your face with your hands, and letting out a squeal.

*****

Jeonghan invites you to meet up outside of the dorm. It’s a cute little coffee shop at a quiet part of the city. You’re already sitting when he walks in. Maybe one day, you won’t be completely caught off guard by his beauty… but today is not that day.

His whole person is bathed in the glow of the early morning light as he approaches you, the softest, most genuine smile gracing his face.

“No, don’t get up,” he says when you try to leave your chair, “I need to go off and order anyways.” Jeonghan leans down to kiss your forehead firmly. “I just wanted to come say hi first,” he whispers, holding your face close to his.

Your first date sets a wonderful precedent to the rest of your relationship. Jeonghan gets your heart racing with flirty comments and sweet touches. But he also makes you feel calm and content, easily keeping a smile on your face. You just feel… good throughout it all.

You insist on walking him back to the dorm, since they had schedules that day.

“So, we’ll be doing this again?” Jeonghan asks hopefully, as you reach the front door.

“Definitely,” you nod enthusiastically up at him, wondering how you had ever managed to despise the man that made you feel so whole and happy.

Jeonghan looks utterly happy and a tiny bit nervous as he stares down at you. His hand reaches up to brush back your hair before settling firmly against your face. Jeonghan looks at you so fondly as he leans in. His lips connect to yours… so softly… so sweetly. You can feel his nose nudge against your face to push it into a preferred position. He pulls back slightly after every little kiss to let out laughter so sweet, it sounds like it should be coming from the mouth of an angel. But he’s never far away for long, reconnecting to you quickly every time. You let him take the lead, allowing his lips to take care of yours, giving them the sweetest kind of attention. He pulls back for a moment longer to nuzzle his nose against yours, an action that has you gripping his shirt to keep him close. His hands keep themselves entertained by running across your face or through your hair.

He’s going back in to kiss you once again when he front door of the dorm opens, leaving you caught in the act. Wonwoo stares at you two for a long moment before making a single comment that causes you and Jeonghan to laugh.

“You know, when I said I wanted you two to have a better relationship, this isn’t exactly what I meant.”