#cause the lines are perfectly written to be what kirk would say

[mejomonster]

So, I’m reading Star Trek Academy Collision Course (I guess cause I’m in too deep), and in a way it’s such a trip because since William Shatner wrote it, these may well be his character headcanons, the things he based his acting performance on (cause really when acting backstory is a huge piece of making things feel real to you). So like, a list of things he thinks of as character accurate: - that Jim has tarsus iv flashbacks (at least when Jim is younger - 100% that spock is capable of lying, learned how so he could investigate shit and accomplish things, and it’s probably likely he kept that skill for his starfleet officer work later on in life - that spock had long fucking hair at 19, presumably his first year at the academy. Long long hair that covered his ears. Apparently kohlinar wasn’t the first time spock grew his hair out. (Aka my own headcanon spock changed his hair a lot pre-enterprise is confirmed). -that the ACTUAL first time kirk and spock meet, the same kirk and spock in love in tos, is when Jim tries to start a bar fight with spock to cause a distraction, but it fails cause spock was up to shady shit and Suprise the guards were actually after him so they both get arrested and handcuffed together, and then promptly Jim flirts, says “kidding” a lot while joking with spock, then once they’re thrown in the back of a police car they finally tell each other their names. So that’s how your boys leaders of the enterprise dorks in love first met? Fucking troublemakers… Breaking the law… meet in a strip club… While being arrested… Get handcuffed together… Wowza. I bet anything bones would have killed to know that, but also I guess that means kirk and spock met before kirk met bones (as far as shatner is concerned). - kirk flirting with 100% everyone, including police, interrogators, bouncers, waiters, to try to leverage situations/be nice is something that started way before the enterprise captaincy. - kirk breaking the law apparently started well before the hacking of the kobayashi Maru (really miraculous that in tos universe kirk somehow gets awarded for his genius hacking there, vs AOS kirk charged with academic fraud) - kirk thinking kisses/sex automatically imply being in love (not super noteworthy but it sure implies he’s got a romantic skew), also thinking orgies/group affection is equally romantic (aka pansexual polyamorous kirk is probably the headcanon shatner has, or at least that kirk is 100% supportive of anyone polyamorous). - not super noteworthy, but spock feels a lot of emotions then gets mad at himself for feeling it (something that carries into who he is in tos). Also while I might personally read spock as interpretable as bi, pan, or gay, id say so far the book definitely has bits that might imply spock is not very attracted to women. Possibly Not At All. - kirk hates authority (which was true in tos actually, and is just reinforced here). - spock meets kirk, because kirk trips and tries to punch him. And as they’re getting arrested Jim asks for help up, and literally 1 minute into knowing picked-a-fight-with-him kirk, spock reaches out and takes his hand to pull him up. This is right after a scene where an unwanted girl keeps trying to touch spocks hand and he desperately tries to prevent her from doing so. Uh, so again I guess, maybe another point for young spock liking men (and trusting kirk really damn fast in my goddamn opinion, for a guy who tried to fight him???).

-also HOW fucking in love with spock must Jim kirk fucking be? Now obviously, the guys into flirting affectionately at EVERYTHING, and loving anyone in a short term way at least to give them some affection and support even if it won't last (it's what he's doing with the short term gf in this book, random strangers, and something true of everyone he's genuinely liked in tos even a little). But uh, does he jump into a relationship with spock right away??? (I don't actually know since I'm only like 50 pages in). But I know in tos, a full 10-15 years after this books timeframe, Jim is horribly unendingly smitten with spock and taking it slower then a tortoise cause spocks a half Vulcan with insecurities around his own feelings, and that culminates in spock BAILING TO TRY TO PURGE ALL EMOTIONS after the 5 year mission, sending kirk into crippling depression and a permanent bad mood until The Motion Picture happens and they act like really bitter exes until they kiss at the end (and presumably married before TWOK, at which point surely it's widely assumed they're together). But like... Fast into relationships kirk... Just fucking likes spock soooooo much... That he's still interested and slowly trying his luck 15ish years later as they serve on the Enterprise together. Like damn, is it even a surprise that kirk would sacrifice absolutely everything in Search for Spock just to honor spocks fucking memory??? Is it any surprise after loving spock so long, that eventually kirk straight up decides overly that to him spock is more important then the many, then any and everything else in the universe? That boy fell in love sooooo fucking hard he... He had no chance... He was gonna be ride or die for life for spock whether spock ever reciprocated or not... Goddamn Jim is so in love...

[elareine]

If you could, can you please write JayTim or RoyTim (whichever one you want) trying to be romantic and woo Tim (maybe with some puns, I love puns), but Tim is a bit oblivious towards it, because the other is so cool, therefore they must be trying to make friends and be nice with him and nothing more. So when he does finally realize its an italicized "Oh" moment.

Hi lovely!! Thank you for waiting so patiently for this fill. I... ended up making it JayRoyTim, I hope that's okay? It just fit so well, but I can totally write something else with JayTim or RoyTim for you if you want :)

Also, it turned out to be about pick-up lines more than wooing, sorry. I might’ve gone overboard with googling the puns. It's long enough that I put it on ao3, too. What's your username on there? Then I'll gift it to you.

if you were a transformer (you’d be optimus fine)

“Well, here I am.”

Tim looks up, utterly confused. “I didn’t call for you, but… that’s… great?”

Roy waggles his eyebrows. It looks faintly disturbing. Redheads should maybe not do that. Or, actually, Tim revises mentally, thinking of literally every other redhead Dick ever dated—that’s just Roy. “What are your other two wishes?”

“Coffee and some silence to finish working this case?”

Roy looks weirdly deflated at that, but he does get him some coffee. Tim soon forgets about it.

—

(“How’d it go?”

“Does obliviousness run in the family?”

“Yes. Yes it does. Have you met Bruce?”

“…okay, fair. Your turn next.”)

—

“Jason? What’re you doing here?”

Sure, Jason and Roy have been spending a lot more time in Gotham lately. Something to do with a case, Tim assumes. Maybe even with the one that they worked on together in Star City five months ago?

Anyway. They’ve been around, is what Tim is saying. Not at the manor, but at Tim’s apartment and his workspace, cause apparently it’s not worth rebuilding their safe house after it went up in flames, and Bruce and Damian are too often at Dick’s place. He’s not exactly surprised to see either of them anymore. (Pleased, yes. But not surprised.) However, Tim has no fucking clue why Jason is currently grinning at him from the other side of the library desk.

At least Tim has the good sense to check his name tag before he gasps: “Jason?”

“Oh, hey, Tim.” Jason’s grinning. “Guess you figured out my new job, huh?”

“Yeah.” Tim shakes his head. “Color me surprised.” So this is what Jason’s spending his days doing. He’s gotta be shadowing someone, right? Tim’ll ask him tonight.

“I’ve always liked this place.” Jason’s gaze is far away for a moment. Tim badly wants to know what he’s remembering. Then the older man seems to come back to himself and gives Tim a weird—maybe angry?—look. “It’s a good thing I’m a librarian, too, cause I’m totally checking you out.”

“Alright, I can take a hint.” Tim grabs his book and demonstratively walks over to the self-service scanners. Really. How rude.

—

(“Are you telling me he managed to resist you in your cardigan?”

“Apparently.”

“Aww. C’mere, babe.”)

—

So Roy blows things up all the time. No, really, Tim now totally understands why Dick was so happy when he heard the duo is camping out at Tim’s place for a change. His older brother even gave Tim a thumbs-up, for God’s sake. He must’ve known.

Cause yeah, there’s at least one explosion every two days. Or Roy dropping something cause he’s too focused on what he’s thinking to remember what his hands are doing. Or something dropping on him. Jason seems used to it; he just catches whatever it is or laughs at Roy. Tim… is starting to learn to do the same, actually. Whatever Roy comes up with at that moment is usually worth it, and besides, he’s kinda adorable.

Aaaaaaanyway. (He’s using that word a lot in his own thoughts right now. Almost as if he’s avoiding thinking about something. Hmm.) Tim’s not surprised when Roy walks into a room, stumbles, and slaps a hand over his eyes with a dramatic exclamation.

Tim, in shorts and not much else cause he got drenched in pollen earlier, just raises an eyebrow. “Alright, Roy?”

“Nope.” Roy’s hand is still covering his face, but Tim can still see his grin underneath. “I’m gonna need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.”

“Roy. You have both of these things,” Tim explains slowly, wondering if Roy sustained a brain injury or accidentally dosed himself on something. “And why insurance?”

“I was blinded by your beauty.”

God. Sometimes Tim wonders about the original Titans and their socialization for the two dudes if this is how they think making friends works. Then again, Kori, Donna, and Dick probably appreciated constant compliments about their beauty. It all makes sense. Roy must be so used to it that he even uses those same methods when someone unexceptional like Tim is around.

He smiles gamely. “I’m looking forward to hearing that phone call. Must be almost as great as the time Bruce tried to convince his insurance company that Clark dropping on his car wasn’t an act of God because God is demonstrably not a Kryptonian. Neither was the giant ape punching Clark out.”

Roy drops his hand at that. “…Batman did what?”

—

(“You were doing so well, too.”

“I knoooow. How much more obvious can we get?”

“I dunno, but I intend to try.”)

—

“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!”

“Haha. No. Star Trek or die.” Tim’s answer is automatic. He’s had these discussions soooo many times with Kon before. Of course Jason also goes for the space cowboy soap opera.

Besides, Jason’s boyfriend is standing right next to him. He doesn’t mean to sound flirtatious with Tim. Or maybe he does, and it’s just good fun? Or maybe teasing him? Tim can’t figure it out, but he knows he doesn’t like the weird hollow feeling he gets in his stomach when he thinks about it, so he changes the topic.

And makes both of them sit down to watch some classic Captain Kirk, of course.

—

(“Should I be insulted by that pick up line?”

“Nah. There aren’t that many lines that imply a polycule, though.”

A kiss. “Alright.”)

—

One of the things Jason and Tim have in common is their predilection for motorbikes and fiddling around with them. Not that makes them unique in the batclan; Tim has never spent days quietly working side-by-side with Dick, though, the way he does with Jason. They started out with separate projects. Then Jason saw this vintage Ducati at an abandoned warehouse he was about to blow up and, well… Would be a shame, right? Tim just happens to have had one of these before—regrettably lost to one of Harley’s exploding baseball bats—so he offers his expertise.

It’s not because it means bending over the engine with Jason, closer than they ever are, their hands brushing when they hand each other instruments. It’s not.

Roy doesn’t join them. He’s too polite to say so, but he finds normal cars and bikes boring af. Doesn’t stop him from popping his head into the garage and whistling when he sees that they are shirtless and covered in grease. It’s a damn good look on Jason, so Tim can’t fault him for that.

Roy follows it up with a: “Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.”

Tim can’t help it; he blushes at the suggestive tone. Those two never stop flirting with each other, do they? So far, he has managed to avoid stumbling over them while they’re making out (not that they’re making that easy—the kitchen? Really?), and he’d like to keep avoiding that, thank you very much. He’s already feeling guilty enough for his fantasies as it is.

“Uh. I should clean up,” he mumbles and flees.

—

(“Dammit.”

“…do you think that was a rejection?”

“Nah. He was definitely checking me out before you came and fucked it up.”

“That’s saying something if you noticed it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”)

—

So Tim has magically acquired cat ears and a very fluffy tail. Don’t ask. They’re gonna go away in eight hours, and until then, he’s gonna stay in the cave and work himself to distraction. Jason seems intent on keeping him company, though.

(It’s nice. Tim loves hanging out with Jason—that’s not the problem. The issue is that Tim is looking ridiculous, and Jason is being nice about it, and none of this is helping his stupid crush go away.)

They’re absently chatting about nothing until Jason says: “Kinda a pity you’re a cat, though.”

Tim looks up. Huh? Admittedly, he never pegged Jason as the type to go for catboys (though maybe… he did hang out with Kyle… perhaps it’s just that he definitely doesn’t go for Tims), but that’s still a weird pronouncement.

Jason is grinning. “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.” He pauses. “Wait. Like even more than you already are. Uh.”

Tim sighs. Great. And now Jason is making fun of him again. “Whatever.”

—

(“A chicken?”

“Shut up. I panicked.” A sigh. “He was so cute with these ears.”

“…yeah, he was.”)

—

“You must be tired. You’ve been running through my mind all night.”

“I’m not tired,” Tim says automatically. Why does everyone keep asking him that tonight? Surely the shadows under his eyes can’t be that bad? He used concealer!

Something in Roy’s expression softens. “Aww. C’mere.” He pats the space on the couch next to him, and when Tim sits down, Roy pulls him half of on top of him and into a hug. “Relax for a bit, little bird.”

Tim sinks into the embrace, boneless all of a sudden. Roy just has that effect on him. Tim vaguely remembers thinking of him as his oldest brother’s cool friend and then Jason’s cool boyfriend, kind of a fuckboy but clearly good for Jay.

Now? Now, Roy just makes him feel safe.

—

(“So you spent the night on the couch just so he could sleep in your arms?”

“Yeah. Totally worth it.”

“Duh.”

“I just wish we could do that with him every night. Bet he fits perfectly between us.”

“Yeah.”

A pause.

“We might have to up the ante or switch tactics.”)

—

They’re talking about their favorite books—Tim doesn’t read as much as Jason does, but they discovered a shared love of sci-fi weeks ago—when Tim says: “Actually, that book kinda reminds me of you.”

“Oh?”

“Overly dramatic but good.”

Jason makes an offended noise, and Tim grins.

“I’m not sure which part I should argue about first.” Jason pretends to think.

Tim is always down to tell Jason that fuck his self-perception—Jason is a good man, one of the best Tim knows; that also feels too revealing right now. Instead, he gets up from their comfortable position on the couch and grabs the first stack on the table, carrying them over to the shelves to replace the gaps. “What kind of book would I be?”

“Babe, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.”

“Annoying and no one reads it?” Tim asks without turning around, trying to ignore the babe. That’s. That’s gotta be a slip of the tongue, right? Force of habit from spending so much time with Roy?

“No, fine,” and the emphasis is clear this time. Jason continues before Tim can reply: “Though if we’re talking books…”

Tim whirls around. “Save it. You don’t have to make fun of me just because I—“He swallows down the words.

Jason looks alarmed. “Tim—“

As if he can smell trouble, Roy chooses that moment to enter the room. Tim has barely heard him approach, Jesus. He doesn’t want to have this argument in front of Roy, though, so he just stands there in the middle of the room. Jason, too, has stopped speaking.

Roy, of course, takes one look at the awkwardness and decides to make it worse. Or more confusing.

“Did you just come out of the oven?” he asks.

“As this isn’t Hansel and Gretel, no, I didn’t.” Tim checks his shirt, just in case this is an actual conversation opener and not just a weird attempt at a distraction. “Do I have soot on me?”

“Nope.” Roy shakes his head, and he’s smiling that smile again, the one Tim is startled to recognize, the one he thought is reserved only for Jason— “Because you’re hot.”

And finally, Tim gets it. “Me?”

“Yes, Tim.” Roy’s moving in closer. “You.”

There’s a soft touch to Tim’s shoulder, and Tim whirls around, expecting Jason to be mad, cause his boyfriend is—is hitting on Tim, right, that’s what’s happening, Jason can’t be happy—

Jason is smiling down at him. His hand is still resting on Tim���s shoulder, but it slides down to his collar bone, a gentle presence as he murmurs: “You’re so beautiful that you made forget my pick up line.”

Oh. Oh.

Tim says the first thing he can think of: “Are you a raisin?”

Jason starts grinning. “I’m not even gonna qualify that with an answer.”

Tim smiles back. “Cause you’re raising my hopes for a kiss right about now.”

And he gets one. And then another, and then Roy joins in, kissing Tim’s neck and then his mouth and—Yeah.

They’re too busy for any more pick up lines right now.

[green-blooded-computer]

Reuniting prompt: “I don’t think they even remember me.”

This one isn’t really them reuniting. Am I breaking the rules here? Spock and McCoy head to Vulcan to visit Sarek and Amanda...and tell them they got married during the five-year mission.

---

 “I don’t think they even remember me.”

It had been two months since the five year mission had ended. Most of the Enterprise crew had gone back to their respective homes. They were reunited with family they hadn’t seen in years, matters they hadn’t been able to tend to in space, and friends whose company they had missed. They’d promised they would see one another again, sometime soon, after things had calmed down. 

For many of them, their lives simply picked up where they’d left off. Some were offered positions on other ships. Some began teaching at the Academy. Most of them arrived on Earth with little more than their Starfleet uniforms, badges of honour, and a few trinkets picked up along the way. Leonard, however, brought back much more with him. 

Spock had agreed that moving to Georgia with Leonard was ideal. Nothing was truly waiting for him on Vulcan. Not after he had passed up his invitation to the Vulcan Science Academy all those years ago. He was - as T’Pring had so aptly put it - somewhat of a legend among their people now. The half-human who preferred to join the military instead of study. Spock did not want that life, and Leonard was more than happy to take him home. 

Until it was suggested that they go back to Vulcan anyway. For a visit. Just for a little while. 

Leo had only ever been to Vulcan on one occasion - for Spock’s koon-ut-kal-if-fee, which was something he preferred not to think about for obvious reasons. At the time he’d been introduced to the saddest cast of characters he’d ever had the displeasure of meeting. Spock’s wife. Her boyfriend. T’Pau. Many men wearing helmets. Leonard honestly would have preferred not to go back, but Spock had a convincing argument.

Their wedding - their human marriage ceremony - had been aboard the Enterprise, Jim Kirk presiding as was customary on a starship. It hadn’t been open to the public, but some members of the senior staff were present and there was a small reception. It was quaint, and done entirely for Leonard’s satisfaction. After all, the Vulcan ritual was much more intimate and occurred behind closed doors. The joining of two minds was not something you did in public. 

Leonard had no family to share the news with. He’d written to Joanna. She seemed happy for the two of them, but their relationship was far removed and existed only over subspace messages. Her relationship to Spock was non-existent. Other than that, there was no one to tell...except Spock’s parents. 

Leonard had only met Spock’s parents on one occasion. It was during a diplomatic mission to Babel when Ambassador Sarek was a guest aboard the Enterprise. He hadn’t warmed up to the ambassador - not that he was surprised - but Spock’s mother was a lovely woman whose company Leonard had enjoyed very much. Fast forward a few hours and he’d had to perform surgery on Spock and his father at the same time during a crisis. There hadn’t been any time to talk to them about the marriage, but something in Leo’s head kept nagging him. He thought it was important they should know. 

“I disagree. I recall my mother being quite taken with you. I believe she called you a ‘charmer’.” Spock was always good at calming his nerves. There was something so logical about the way he argued. Even if he was lying, he made it sound like he was just presenting a set of facts. 

Leonard frowned. “Well,” he admitted begrudgingly. “I did enjoy talking to her.” It wasn’t Sarek and Amanda’s company that was worrying him. It wasn’t even the trip to Vulcan, which would take a few days’ travel. It was the feeling of isolation. Once they set foot on Vulcan, Leonard would be the only human in the vicinity, not counting Mrs. Sarek herself. Amanda at least had the advantage of being intimately familiar with Vulcan culture and living on the planet for a large portion of her life. She was no longer an outsider. Not only was Leonard a complete stranger, but he was also their son’s husband - a move that presented as totally illogical in the eyes of many Vulcans. 

Spock had been paying attention to his train of thought, it seemed because he frowned at this. “Clarify.”

“Vulcans only marry and mate for procreation,” the doctor reasoned. “We can’t procreate, so what is the point of our marriage? It’s not logical.”

Spock’s frown deepened. “‘What is the point of our marriage?’” he echoed.

“Oh, Spock, c’mon. You know that’s not my opinion, I just mean that’s what the Vulcan public will think. That’s what your parents will think. You aren’t carrying on the S'chn T'gai line. It ends with..ah...it ends with me, I suppose.”

Spock was, of course, not quick to anger, and he considered these statements at the face value without personal offense. “You are assuming, I think, that Vulcan marriages are only initiated when the circumstances are logical.”

“Well, yes.”

“When, in fact, you witness T’Pring end our koon-ut-so'lik due to her preference for Stonn.”

“That’s different, Spock.”

“How so?”

“Well...they can still have children.”

“It would have been far more logical for T’Pring to carry through with her betrothal to me. It would have caused a lot less inconvenience. She willingly sacrificed the life of another so she could marry Stonn, effectively trading either my life or the life of the Captain for her own selfish wishes.” 

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were disappointed in her.”

Spock sighed and shifted to face the doctor more directly. “All I am saying, Leonard, is that what is ‘logical’ is not always the same for every person. It is logical to spend the rest of your life with someone whose company you enjoy, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me, Mister. I’m perfectly happy with our arrangement.” He smiled and held his hand out which Spock held gently between his own. He watched as his husband traced patterns in the back of his knuckles. 

“My father believed something similar when he elected to marry my mother. He thought the situation was ‘illogical’ and that he was foolish for pursuing such a relationship.” Spock’s words seemed steeped in sadness, but it didn’t show on his features. “My mother felt alienated. She worried she would not be welcome on Vulcan.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” Spock settled his gaze on Leonard’s eyes. “Nothing happened. My parents, as other families, lived their lives in private. They were happy. They lived average lives.” He paused for a moment before adding, “It would be logical to assume the others were just as concerned with their own worries.” 

“So you’re saying Vulcan couples have their own issues to deal with.”

“Affirmative.”

“I get what you’re saying here, Darlin’, but these are your parents. They want what’s best for you-”

“I know what’s best for me. They have the utmost confidence in my sense of judgment. And if they disagree with my decision to marry you-” He raised one eyebrow. “I do not care. It is none of their concern.” 

Leonard’s face broke into a smile at this comment. “Aw...you damn romantic.”

“The notion of ‘getting a blessing’ from your significant other’s parents is a human one, Leonard. Vulcan’s do not involve their parents in their mating habits.”

“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds weird.” 

Spock squeezed the doctor’s hand ever so slightly, and they both felt a surge of reassurance through their bond. “Everything will be fine.”

[kiss-my-freckle]

“But I’m not on Reddington’s side. Or her side. I’m on the side of the truth.”

Insert Donald Ressler for the whole truth because he’s going to learn everything Tom knew right before he died. That’s why Ressler has been playing opposite.

“But the truth is, when I was in Stark's lab, I saw Reddington's medical file.”  

Consider “fate” to be a series of events beyond a person's control, and these events happening for a reason. Consider these events needing to happen in order as they do for things to happen as they should. Norman Devane's entire episode was written around fate.

Fate #1: Red getting kidnapped by the woman in Paris.

Ilya: I’m not like you. I may have been once, but not anymore. What happened in Havana and Paris, I - I just can’t shake it. Red: Neither can I. But I can accept it. Things happen. Ilya: You, a fatalist? Save that for someone who doesn’t know you so well. You leave nothing to fate. Red: I try to leave nothing to fate, but I’m perfectly comfortable with chaos. That’s why I trust that whatever happens is probably meant to be.

Fate #2: Ilya going to his goddaughter's wedding.

Red: Drunken revelers, interminable toasting, cheesy cover bands - I can’t think of a better place for a covert meeting. Ilya: I doubt it will work, but I will try. Red: That’s all anyone can do. The rest, we leave to fate. - Ilya: You were right. About the wedding feeling safe. Meeting is confirmed. Red: Then you need to change. We’ll have you home in a jiffy. Things are looking up! Between you and Devane, we now have two lines in the water. A fish will eventually bite. Ilya: Because everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason is as random as my goddaughter’s wedding.

Fate #3: Red's "treatment" with Dr. Stark.

Red: Stark’s treatment was ineffective. Ilya: I’m sorry. Red: Sometimes, things happen for a reason. And sometimes I just don’t know what that reason is.

One must truly see fate play out, and they gave us a small taste of that with the Berdy intel. Fate wanted Aram to crash this specific wedding with Elodie and get that intel in order to save Ilya's life. One can argue that Ilya's life would've never needed saving had he gotten the intel to begin with, but had he gotten it when he was supposed to, you can remove Orion's episode and everything that followed. The timing is just as important as the order. This was fated to happen because one event is leading into another. Fate #1 because this woman from Paris was meant to be Agnes' nanny. Red getting kidnapped leading to Dom getting shot leading to the woman entering Liz's life to be Agnes' nanny.

Now it's time to push it backward in order to move it forward, which is what I've been saying regarding Liz's "bigger life." Bring back that Berdy intel so we can reverse it. Fate #2 now going back to Fate #1 in order to reach Fate #3. The Berdy intel later rather than sooner so the Stark storyline can play out as fate wants it to. It's a series of events that must happen a certain way or it won't work. Had Ilya gotten that intel when he was supposed to, Liz would've never found out about Maddy Tolliver, she would've never found out Red isn't Ilya, and the woman from Paris would've never led her to believe she's her mother. This would’ve removed Fate #3.

Insert: An out-of-the-blue collapse. Reason for reason.

Doctor: Maybe you can get him to listen to reason. Dembe: It's unlikely, but I'll try. Doctor: Try hard. His life depends on it.

"Trying"

Red: I try to leave nothing to fate, but I’m perfectly comfortable with chaos. That’s why I trust that whatever happens is probably meant to be.

Ilya: I doubt it will work, but I will try. Red: That’s all anyone can do.

No need for Dembe to try, fate is finishing up its series of events. This incident acts as the bridge, leading Red to learn the reason for Fate #3. Consider the episodes in their original order before the writers chose to reverse them with the season cut short.

Roy Cain, 7x17.

My guess, Red's collapse in 7x16 was fated to happen because it scared Red into choosing his successor in 7x17. In doing so, led to Liz informing Ressler about Red choosing his successor and question his timing. Ressler now believes it has to do with Red having medical issues.

Dembe and his imam are saved by Red and his team, so Liz is now faced with the idea of choosing between Red and the woman. Imagine the burden.

Brothers, 7x18.

Take that burden to their Keenler scene. “Have you looked at my life? I'm a widow and a single mom. A marionette with a high-functioning sociopath pulling my strings. My grandfather tried to murder my mother, and my mother is a legendarily lethal Russian spy who moved in next door without even telling me who she was. I mean it. Have you looked at my life? I mean, really taken a close look. Because it's like I'm in the middle of a monsoon that's constantly threatening to drown me in bad news. And somewhere in the middle of that FEMA disaster of a life... somewhere is just a tiny island of calm. And if that weren't there, I would be swept out to sea.”

Our finale with 7x19.

���Looking”

Liz and Ressler in Roy Cain.

Ressler: But the truth is, when I was in Stark's lab, I saw Reddington's medical file.   Liz: What did it say? Ressler: I didn't read it. But it was ‭the size of a telephone book, and clearly he didn't want me to see what was in it.

Liz and Ressler in Brothers.

Liz: Have you looked at my life?

Liz: I mean it. Have you looked at my life? I mean, really taken a close look.

Ressler back in Norman Devane.

Red: About my chart. Ressler: I didn’t look at it. Red: Why not? Ressler: Because sometimes you’re supposed to look the other way. It was a pretty thick file, though.

“Not on my watch.”

Imagine fate wanting one man to save an entire family. If Ressler goes after Red's medical file, it will cause Red to go after Ressler. After all, he’ll learn Red’s truth just by looking at it, and Red can’t have that. Liz’s life and soul. The burden of choice is now shared. Based on intel from Red’s medical file, saving Liz's life and soul in helping her make that decision by telling her the woman from Paris isn't her mother. In helping her make this choice, saving Red’s life because Liz will kill the woman from Paris. After all, she went after everyone Liz cares about, which she made another mention to in Roy Cain’s episode. This can be done without revealing Rederina.

Finalize it with a Red-Ressler conversation because Ressler shoved his nose in Red’s medical file. I don't believe Stark has anything to do with Red. I believe he’s trying to donate to someone, and that's why his file is as thick as a phone book. Because it contains multiple medical files. Insert Dom being a Rostov, then take that back to Constantin Rostov and his blood disorder. Blood panels. I believe Red was trying to donate to Agnes after Kirk took stem cells from her, and Ressler will be the one to donate instead. Ressler then saving Agnes' life by being the one to donate. In order for Ressler to find out he’s the father, he must first have that converation with Red over his medical file, which won’t happen unless he takes a close look at Liz’s life.

Basically, Ressler and Red would never have a conversation about his medical file had fate not let Red get kidnapped in Paris and pushed them through this series of events. Ressler would never learn Red is Liz’s mother, and Red would never learn Ressler is Agnes’ father. 

“Destiny. Fate. Me. You.” - Rederina

Liz: My question is, what the hell happened? Red: You did. You and Agent Ressler. “Destiny. Fate. Me. You.” - Keenler & Keenler baby

I wanted to put this in a separate post because it got to be so long. There may be missing bits to this, but I’ll note them with a link back in my rewatch post. But as I continue to state and stand by my statement, I don’t know why the fuck people are assuming Red is sick. No symptoms until he’s literally coughing and collapsing. Has he so much as coughed any time before then? NO. Did he think to consider his successor after finding out Stark’s treatment didn’t work? NO. Did he seek assistance from Dr. Stark after his collapse? NO. Because they’re not related. Fate #3 going back to Fate #2. Agnes isn’t Ressler’s gooddaughter, she’s his daughter. 

“And blackmail is such a nasty business, particularly among friends, don’t you think?” And my Minister D prediction still stands. “My boss ordered me not to kill you, but he didn’t say anything about messing up that pretty face.” Tom’s debt from 4x8. “You owe me.” Tom saving Ressler’s pretty face. “Yeah, I know I'm pretty, but you're not my type.” Because Red’s medical file is blackmail material... against Katarina Rostova. “You blackmailed the wrong person.” Taken back to Cape May. “And to harm him would be to harm her. A mortal sin.” Ressler is the father. “Her father.”

My question is, what the hell happened? You did. You and Agent Ressler.    ... and then her memory was wiped.

[cwnannwn]

Short analyzes of human wedding traditions c. 23th century

Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: T'Pring/Nyota Uhura Characters: T'Pring, Nyota Uhura Additional Tags: Alien Marriage Traditions, Friends and family being way too involved in the wedding, Wedding Fluff, Fluff Words: 1505   Summary: T'Pring's observations on her and Nyota's human wedding celebrations.

Written for the Just Married Exchange, it was a fun challenge to approach these two, since I hadn’t written for them yet.

What curious customs. That was the first, vague impression T'Pring had when Nyota explained what she wished to do for the human side of their wedding. Oaths to one another were perfectly logical, the presence of authority, even in the form of Captain Kirk's smiling face; was expected, friends and an abundance of food, these aspects were befitting of a wedding ritual. 

Crewmen T'Pring had never interacted with grinning at her and congratulating her as if they were family, or the excited discussions of how to best prepare the after-party, felt strange to her. The occasional pat on the shoulder or half hug was somewhat discomfiting. The tradition of neither bride seeing the other before the wedding, in particular, even if they were already bonded, felt utterly illogical to her

But Nyota had stood in the sands of Vulcan, with Captain Kirk and Spock at her side, only smiling as T'Pring hang the gong, as the elder of T'Pring's clan confirmed their bond. A mating bond had began forming months before, the result of late shift conversations and the insistent pull T'Pring had felt towards her human beloved from the moment she had stepped into the Enterprise. Well, beamed into the Enterprise would be more accurate. 

She had arrived as Spock's betrothed, there in part to strengthen their childhood bond, but both had know that would not happen. T'Pring resented that tenuous connection and what it had meant at the time, and how it could impact how seriously others took her assignment as the Enterprise's exo-biologist. Once on the starship, however, it had taken her seconds to realize Spock too had no desire to bond with her, his bond to their captain running so much deeper than any else could. 

Once their mutual lack of interest in mating had been made clear, T'Pring quickly grew to see Spock as a friend, and their thin bond was unmade with no harm to the other. And it was him who first nudged T'Pring into accepting those nascent, illogical, even somewhat terrifying feelings for Nyota. For that, they both owned him much. 

A light green blush spread over her cheeks, and T'Pring was glad to be alone for now, waiting for the commemoration to begin. Her pon farr had come far away from the sands of Vulcan, but she had yearned for Nyota, and her beloved had answered. The memories of that first physical union made T'Pring smile. 

There was a matching feeling coming from that silvery thread T'Pring imagined their bond to look like, Nyota's amusement a ray of light, her excitement shining through all else. They would see each other in moments, but they had not stopped sharing this, their true self known to none other, for a moment. 

In a gown of traditional Vulcan cut, hair high in twisted braids, T'Pring stepped through the doors to the common rest area, made into a makeshift isle. Crewmen lined the sides, her colleagues of the science department, all blue and a few gold who had interest in the area and often discussed matters with her to one side, a sea of red and more gold on the other. T'Pring could have taken a few observations over the possible anthropological reason for the divide, but her eyes landed on Nyota, and all else faded away. 

She stood at the altar, resplendent in a yellow shoulderless dress, the grin on her face bringing a matching smile to T'Pring's carefully stoic face. Their friends and colleagues hollered and cheered as T'Pring walked towards Nyota, stopping in front of her. Hello beautiful, Nyota's words whispered in her mind as soon as their hands touched, only a light brush against T'Pring's knuckles, her shining dark eyes brimming with tears T'Pring now knew were born of happiness. 

T'hy'la, that was all T'Pring could answer with, Vulcan composure almost failing her as her own and Nyota's feelings flooded her mind and heart. Captain Kirk, grinning much like a madman, took his post before them and called a beginning to the ceremony. 

His speech must have been impressive, there was laughter and tears not long into it, and Spock had told her he had been preparing the words carefully for weeks now, but T'Pring did not hear a word of it, lost in Nyota's gaze. 

There was a modification to the human tradition, as the ceremony neared its end and Kirk announced they may 'kiss the bride', Nyota raised her hand, extending two fingers. T'Pring did the same, touching her own to Nyota's. For a moment, that simple sign of affection was all there existed in T'Pring's world, their bond, their love all that she could feel. Then the room exploded in cheers again, almost making T'Pring jump. It was Nurse Chapel and Chief-Engineer Scott who cheered louder, or maybe they were just easier to distinguish. 

A sudden mischievous impulse came to T'Pring, maybe an impulse left from her pre-Surak ancestors. Whenever it came from, she let it flow to Nyota, waiting her agreement or disagreement to the idea. Her beloved's eyes widened, and her answer came in the form of their hands clasping together, just as T'Pring leaned forward and met Nyota's lips in a fierce kiss. Later, when asked, T'Pring would say it was only logical, Nyota had followed all of T'Pring's culture wedding traditions, thus T'Pring should do the same for Nyota's human marriage traditions. 

Vulcans did not lie, and that would not be a lie. Only not the whole reason for such a public display of intimacy, for the impulse that came over T'Pring in that moment had been to claim and be claimed, to show all present, in as clear a manner as possible, that she was Nyota's and Nyota was hers. Truly, it was no surprise her ancestors developed Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. Even outside her pon farr, in that moment, T'Pring was ready to fight any who would challenge their claim. 

-

Luckily, no combat would be necessary. Their kiss had only caused louder cheers, and what sounded suspiciously like bets getting settled, before the after-party began. It turned into what T'Pring could only describe as a revelry. 

The Enterprise had stopped at a Starbase to refuel not long ago, and it seemed their comrades had taken the opportunity to also stock up on enough alcohol to kill them all if needed. Chief-Engineer Scott had gathered a gaggle of younger engineers around him as he proclaimed the virtues of one kind of human beverage over all else. 

"What do you think of our weddings, now we've done both of them," Nyota draped herself over T'Pring, arm around the tall Vulcan's shoulders, pressing her face against T'Pring's neck. A pleasant shiver ran through T'Pring's spine, an arm coming up to wrap around Nyota's waist and help her stand. Her mate was quite affected by the alcohol, much like the entirety of their ship's crew. 

"I believe both ceremonies reflect well on our peoples' histories," T'Pring allowed a rare smirk to come over her features, knowing the effect it would have on Nyota, "but I dare say your human feast is closer to a barely controlled riot." There was a good chance, T'Pring was willing to bet, that either Doctor McCoy or Captain Kirk would soon lose at least their shirts. They were already drunkenly singing some form of sea shanty, badly adapted to the void of space instead of the ocean. 

Nyota snorted in a very undignified but endearing fashion, her lips brushing T'Pring's neck, first accidentally, then deliberately. Maybe the human revelry was getting to her too. Shame she could not blame the drinks for her reactions like their friends would. 

Nyota pulled away enough to see what the others were doing, her grin turning to full laughter. T'Pring hid her own smile against Nyota's black hair, emotion fit to burst inside her chest. She had half a mind to take her mate back to their quarters and consummate their bond for a third time in official capacity, but Nyota left her arms to join their Captain and Chief of Medicine on a truly horrendous rendition of Drunken Sailor. 

"They will regret the drinking in a few hours." Spock had appeared at her elbow, hands behind his back and posture stiff. Even so, there was a small upturn to his lips, a sense of contentedness to him that T'Pring recognized with a start was present in her too. 

A sense of comradeship was to be expected once one became part of a crew, but this? T'Pring could feel in the tips on her fingers how happy the entire ship was for her and Nyota, could feel every breath Nyota took like it came from her own chest. 

Allowing a similar quasi-smile to grace her features, T'Pring agreed with a nod. Soon, she would guide Nyota to their rooms, make sure she had enough water in her, and let her sleep the worst of the night's effects off. But for now, she was content to watch the ways humans celebrated their friends' happiness. 

[fangirling-and-lovin-it]

I Dream In Colour chapter 1: In Any Universe

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20335819/chapters/48217375

Jim sat up suddenly in bed, panting, his eyes wide open. 

Even in the darkness of his quarters, the colours in front of his eyes were almost blinding. He screwed them shut, opened them again and blinked slowly, waiting for the bright sea of colour to lessen. 

Shore leave would begin tomorrow, and he knew now more than ever where he needed to go. It was a gut feeling. But he wasn’t sure how well he’d be received and what would happen next. 

Lights out,” he said as he laid down again, hoping that the darkness would stay dark long enough to get some sleep. 

******

“You’re not coming?” McCoy asked him at the Starbase the next day. The Enterprise had docked primarily for shore leave but a couple of minor repairs were going to be done also and Scotty had insisted on staying aboard for now  to oversee things. Jim was pretty sure he’d marry the ship if he could. 

“I’ll join you later, tomorrow probably. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

McCoy’s brow furrowed. “You sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine, Bones.” Jim smiled broadly and patted him on the arm. “There’s just something I have to do.”

McCoy looked doubtful but to Jim’s surprise and relief, he left it at that. 

“Just let me know when you’re back and we can hit that bar I was telling you about.”

“I will.” Jim was still smiling as he turned around and headed off to catch a shuttle. “And make sure Chekov brings ID,” he called out over his shoulder. “Last time we all went out the bouncers thought he was twelve!” 

“Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor not a babysitter!” 

*****

It was nearly evening when he arrived at his destination, straightening his uniform and checking his reflection in the glass front door before knocking on it.

“Jim?”

“No James T. Kirk this time?”

“Jim seems more appropriate now. To what do I owe the unexpected pleasure of your visit?”  The elder of the two Spock’s in Jim’s life glanced down to the duffel bag bearing the Starfleet insignia that Jim was holding. 

The younger man followed his gaze and laughed lightly. “Don’t worry, I’m not homeless. We’re on shore leave so I just thought I’d drop by and…” he hesitated and Spock tilted his head just slightly to one side, watching him search for the right words.   “...visit.” Jim finished simply with a smile, going with Spock’s choice of word. 

Spock nodded and moved aside for Jim to come in. The door led almost directly into the small but ample kitchen which opened out into a spacious living room. 

“Would you like some coffee?”

"That'd be great, thank you." Jim went through, taking in the singular armchair, long sofa and shelves lined with books about Vulcan history and a couple in languages that Jim vaguely recognised from classes at the academy when he hadn’t been paying enough attention.  

“I’m sorry I didn’t call ahead and tell you I was coming. It was a spur of the moment sort of thing,” he said when Spock emerged with a tray carrying a mug of tea for himself and coffee for Jim. 

“Apologies are not necessary, it is good to see you again. I am, however, intrigued.” Spock set the tray down on the low coffee table and sat in the sleek armchair opposite Jim on the sofa. 

“Can’t a guy drop by his new old friend’s house for a surprise visit?” Jim put on his best dazzling smile, the one that usually got him out of most kinds of trouble.

“Jim, I have known some version of you long enough to know when you’re not telling me everything.”

Jim‘s dazzling smile evolved into a rueful one, as if he'd been caught out by someone who knew him better than he knew himself. “I've been...having dreams.”

Spock arched an eyebrow. “And what is the nature of these dreams?”

“It’s hard to explain. They started before everything with Nero. From my end anyway.  I mean….I think the timing works out that I started having them when you came through the black hole."

There was no mistaking the surprise on Spock's face, but his voice was as calm and even as Jim had ever heard it. “What takes place in them?” 

“I’m not sure how to describe it. Nothing actually happens. No people, no talking. Just colour.  Intense colour, so intense it burns my eyes. Blue and yellow. No, more like gold. And they merge together but…they don’t change. I mean that should turn everything kinda green right? But they just stay like that. The two colours fit, perfectly together and if anything they each get brighter.”

Spock nodded slowly, taking a moment before he spoke. “You are far too insightful and intelligent not to have figured out what these dreams seem to symbolise.”

“I don’t know for sure.”

“But that’s why you’re here, for confirmation.” 

”I guess I am, yeah.” Jim nodded as he spoke. 

“The science officer and captain’s uniforms were the same colour in my Starfleet as here in yours,” Spock said, anticipating Jim’s question before he could even ask it. He sighed heavily. “It is possible that something slipped through in the mind meld I performed in the cave. Something more than the initial emotional transference. It had been some time since I had last engaged in a meld and my mental shields may not be as fortified as they once were. I am sorry, Jim, if I have caused any of your distress.” 

Jim shook his head. “This wasn’t your fault. It was already happening. For whatever reason." He met Spock's eyes, looking into them as if they were the only place left in the galaxy to look. "It’s like...I knew you were coming." He held Spock's gaze for a few moments more before closing his eyes and shaking his head as he looked away, chuckling lightly. "This sounds ridiculous. I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have come here." 

"On the contrary, I think this is the only place you could have come." Spock's small smile was kind, comforting. The kind of smile people didn't usually aim at Jim Kirk, and any thought he had of just upping and leaving right now instantly disappeared. 

"There was actually a flash of something in the meld. Not an image, just a...feeling. A good one but…not familiar. And...and it…" Jim hesitated, but Spock inclined his head, brow arched just slightly, as if the end of this sentence was the final line of a book that couldn't be left unwritten. 

"...It felt like you took my hand.”

There was something in Spock’s expression that Jim couldn’t read. Expressions would be more accurate: sadness, confusion, a wistful smile. Jim wondered if he even saw a glimmer of hope on his face. But they were all just glimpses, micro-expressions even on the face of this older Vulcan who was more emotive and readable than his younger self. 

Jim decided to ask the question that had been on his mind during so many of his sleepless nights, the one he knew he’d really come here to ask. “Were you and the other Jim Kirk...together?” 

“We were. Though I would have used a different term. T’hyla .”

“What does that mean?” Jim asked, feeling like he already knew the answer.

“There is no direct translation into English but the closest description would be -“

“Soulmate?”

“Indeed.”

Jim exhaled and nodded. “Wow. I mean, I guessed but...wow. “ He leaned back on the sofa, rubbing his eyes with one hand and holding his coffee cup in the other, the warmth radiating from it comforting and grounding him as he tried to make sense of everything. 

“You are tired, Jim.”

“Yeah, well I haven’t been getting much sleep.”

“It would be advisable for you to try and rest while you are on leave.” 

Jim nodded in agreement, not even trying to stifle a yawn. “I’m gonna stay at the Starfleet embassy in town tonight, catch a shuttle back later tomorrow. Hopefully, we can talk more before I go?”

“I have a guest room that has never been used and is unlikely to be. You are welcome to stay here.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. And it would give us more time to speak about the dreams.”

“Thank you.” Jim smiled and yet again he was met with the same small, comforting smile in response. 

“Let me show you upstairs and I’ll make a start on dinner while you rest." Spock rose gracefully from his chair and Jim followed him, picking up his duffel bag. 

“Making sure I eat properly too, you’re starting to sound like Bones. But less…"

“Persistent?”

“I was gonna say shouty but we’ll go with your diplomatic version.” 

“A wise decision.”

Jim grinned and Spock opened the guest room door, showing him in. 

“I’ll just get settled and come help you with dinner.”

“You are a guest, it would be customary for me to make you dinner and for you to simply consume it if is acceptable.” There was a playful smile on his lips, which was not what Jim was used to seeing on the face of a Vulcan. Although he only knew one other Vulcan.

“Was the other me prone to being customary ?”

“He was not.” 

“Well, there’s an old earth saying, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’. I guess that was written for me, all versions of me.” Jim’s smile was playful too and, he had to admit, almost flirtatious.  “Besides, I’d like to help.” He hadn’t ‘helped’ in the kitchen since he was little and would watch his mother making meals from scratch then insist on stirring or mixing something for her. She would smile and scoop him up, letting him sit on the counter and help, even taste the food before it was ready. But those times had been few and soon stopped altogether. 

“Very well.”

Spock turned to head back downstairs as Jim walked through the door, leaving it half-open behind him. But the temptation was, to his surprise, too much and he soundlessly turned back, watching Jim for a few seconds as he dropped his duffel bag on the bed and went to to the large window, smiling at the view. The younger man stretched, rolling his shoulders and yawning again before taking a plain grey t-shirt from his bag and starting to pull off the Starfleet one he was wearing.

Only then did Spock turn around, making his way back downstairs to the kitchen.

[weaver-of-fantasies-and-fables]

So there’s a specific post that’s making the rounds again and I don’t want to stir up any drama so I am making my own here. This is gonna be a little meta about male friendship, slash shipping and homophobia. I want to address the complaint that the fear of being perceived as gay prevents men from having healthy friendships, and that slash shipping plays a major role in this.

Of course, this are my thoughts! But I think there’s a bit of confusion regarding correlation and cause, here. So, if you want, read more, if not, scroll, whatever.

Slash shipping is as follows: a person  consumes a certain media and headcanons two or more characters as queer and involved in a relationship; this person might produce content (fanart, fanfiction, meta) based on this, and speak of their headcanon. It doesn’t mean harassing the writers/creators because the ship is not canon, nor does it refer to ship wars - I am not condoning that. 

The media are full of healthy male friendships: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter (the books, at least), Percy Jackson, Joey and Chandler in Friends are the first to come to mind, but there are a lot. One could say male friendship is a recurring theme, and has been since the dawn of time. I would like to point out that the importance and weight given to platonic relationships as opposed to romantic ones is a different issue that is rooted in the way our society is built, as is the absence of female friendships (interactions...) in mainstream media.

But let’s move into shipping territory; often, there are certain relationships that are open to interpretation. So let’s talk about the grandmother of shipping: Spirk.

Kirk and Spock’s relationship in Star Trek is, at the very least, a deep friendship based on the fact that Captain and Commander complete each other, and that their bond transcends time and universes. Roddenberry himself coined a word to describe it: t’hy’la - in Vulcan, ‘friend, brother and/or lover’. The actors played them as co-dependent, deeply in love. So people have been shipping these two since before the Internet (when slash fiction was illegal) and the term slash comes from Kirk/Spock. 

So how has this shipping influenced the media? It hasn’t. The 40-year-old (at the time), established shipping fanbase did not prevent JJ Abrams in any way from completely removing that relationship from the picture when he rebooted the series, and from putting Spock - a strongly queer-coded character - into a poorly written, somewhat questionable heterosexual relationship (one that, incidentally, reduces Uhura’s characterisation grievously). The deep bond between Kirk and Spock was sacrificed, and even their friendship was erased.

What about CANON queer relationships? Like, say, Achilles and Patroclus. How many times throughout history have they been re-written as ‘friends’ when Greek philosophers literally had discussions about the workings of their sex life? See, the point is, there’s an unfortunate lack of queer representation. How many queer stories have been straightwashed, whitewashed, downplayed? How many have been entirely erased?

Fanfiction is a realm of possibilities. It has very little power over how the stories go (if that weren’t true, I rather think we would have seen Kirk and Spock kiss on screen a long time ago); slash shipping is a way to find representation where it isn’t explicitly given, or to simply enjoy a story.

Now are writers really that scared of writing straight friends who are affectionate with each other because of shipping? Are men scared to be affectionate with their friends because of shipping? The answer is a hard no. And the problem is homophobia, toxic masculinity and the heteropatriarchy. What’s so tragic about being perceived as gay? Do you think that’s demeaning? Do you think that’s dirty? You might want to ask yourself why. Why do you associate gays with softness, affection, weakness? Is it because (straight) men have built an image of themselves that does not allow them to feel emotions and show vulnerability? Is it because vulnerability, caring and soft emotions are a traditionally womanly thing, and thus, beneath men?

I will give an example. One of my best friends is a sweet, gentle guy. We spent a good 8 years of our friendship navigating people who believed we were a couple/should definitely hook up/were pining for each other. They even jokingly planned our wedding (I wasn’t out yet). It was a bother, sure, downright annoying. So did that stop us being friends? Did that stop us behaving like we always did? No. So what if they ask if you’re gay for your bff? Say you aren’t and move on. Affection should be normalised, not demonised, and that includes male affection, both queer AND platonic.

 As for writers - you must understand that once your work is out, it becomes public domain. If it’s good, if it resonates, if people like it, it gets rewritten and reinterpreted and analised for meaning - that’s what the study of literary works is all about. Haven’t we all, as a civilisation, been obsessing over fiction written 3000 years ago? How many retellings of the Iliad exist? Should Virgil come back from the dead to complain about the fact that Eurialo and Niso were supposed to be a couple?

So what if people want to interpret a relationship as romantic, or queerplatonic? Just say you haven’t written it that way, but that everyone is free to see it the way they want. That doesn’t make you homophobic unless you throw a fit about it, like some do, Because All My Characters Are Perfectly Straight, Thank You Very Much and How Dare You Suggest Otherwise. But it’s fiction. Fiction is based on a pact between the writer and the reader, in which the writer leaves certain points empty for the reader’s imagination to fill.

Bottom line is this is not a competition between slash and friendship. Friendships are wonderful, but if you’re not affectionate because you’re afraid it might be read as gay? That’s homophobia, I promise you. Slash fiction has nothing to do with it.

[woodworkingpastor]

Who’s coming to dinner? -- Galatians 1:13-17, 2:11-21 -- May 9, 2021 -- Sixth Sunday of Easter

On TV shows and dinner guests

I want to begin this morning with two illustrations that will help us place this challenging Scripture text within the larger Biblical story.

The first illustration involves how television storytelling has changed over the years. To name one example, Star Trek: The Original Series was very much a product of its time; each episode was a stand-alone story, the so-called, “planet of the week.” Every week, Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise would show up at a different planet and deal with whatever crisis they encountered. A big reason why the episodes were written in this way is because once an episode aired, there was no expectation that you would ever see it again. Long story arcs were impossible because if fans missed an episode because they went out for dinner, or there was a power outage, or their local network preempted the show, they would miss crucial details that would be necessary to understand later stories.

On-demand streaming services have completely changed this. Recent Star Trek series (and others, of course) now have intricately based story arcs that invite people to watch and re-watch and binge watch episodes to unpack the tight conceived story lines. On top of that, most episodes are analyzed and dissected on YouTube, allowing for further reflection on the clues and hints and “easter eggs.”

My reason for inviting you to think about this is because the Biblical story is a long, complex story arc, not a series of episodes. Today’s text from Galatians 1 and 2 is the backstory to the events we looked at last Sunday in the Acts 15/Jerusalem Conference text. In Acts 15:2, Luke says that “Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and debate” with the church leaders from Jerusalem; I said that what Luke really meant was they had a knock-down, drag out, fight. Well, Galatians 2 tells us about the fight!

But more than that, the issues that are relevant here tie all the way back to Genesis 12 and God’s call to Abram to be a blessing to all nations. God’s vision has always been to welcome all persons back into God’s family; it is a vision that will always push us beyond our comfort zones.

The second illustration that will help us understand this story concerns how complicated it can be to have guests for dinner. Never mind people’s schedules; just planning the meal itself can be a real challenge; some people are vegetarian, some are vegan, some have food allergies, others are gluten-free or lactose intolerant. “Who’s coming to dinner” is a complicated question!

Again thinking back to last Sunday’s sermon, I noted that book of Acts describes a simmering conflict over the nature of what it means to be a Christian. It turns out that what causes this conflict to boil over was a question about who’s coming to dinner! This is partly because in the early church, meals were a huge part of congregational life. Inviting someone to sit around your table—or accepting an invitation to sit around someone else’s table—meant that you had completely accepted them as part of your group. “Separate but equal” has always been a myth that the Gospel will not validate.

Acts 15 and Galatians 2 ultimately boil down to one question: “Am I willing to accept everyone who the Holy Spirit says is Christian?”

Our “stream on demand” story

Within the long Biblical “story arc” that teaches us that God’s ultimate purpose is to reconcile all things lies the fact that there will always be persons and powers who do not want that to happen. Every bit of God’s mission and ministry—the work we are called to share in—happens on contested real estate; ironically, moving toward God’s intended reconciliation will create conflict, which is exactly what happens in Acts 15 and Galatians 2. As much as we wish it weren’t the case, the conflict between Paul and Peter is exactly the kind of thing we should expect to happen.

But in this long story arc of reconciliation, Galatians 2 is the next episode in the story. To help understand this episode, we need to look back at previous episodes. We can look in any number of places throughout the Bible to see this, but consider these examples: In Genesis 12:1-3, we read:

The Lord says to Abram: “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

In John 3:16-17, Jesus says,

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Paul would later write to the Ephesians and say,

[Jesus] has abolished the law with its commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new humanity in place of the two, thus making peace, and might reconcile both groups to God in one body through the cross, thus putting to death that hostility through it.

One affirmation of this story arc comes from outside the New Testament. Gregory of Nyssa, a fourth century bishop, put it this way:

Taking up the enmity that had come between us and God on account of sins, slaying it in himself…and becoming what we are, [Jesus] joined the human to God again through himself.

This is the message that Paul has become convinced of, and the purpose of his life is to proclaim this gospel, something that came neither from “human origin” nor from a “human source.” Paul is on a mission from God to proclaim the gospel to all persons and to welcome them into one church under the grace of God.

Who’s coming to dinner?

But precisely because this message is contested from all directions, “who’s coming for dinner” is a complicated issue. Galatians 2 depicts an internal debate about this question. It was Peter’s missionary work that first took the Gospel to the Gentiles. Peter saw what the Holy Spirit was doing in these persons lives—that God’s work of reconciliation included them—and he apparently began eating meals with them, something that his Jewish upbringing would have forbidden.

This was a radical change, comparable to Black persons sitting down at the lunch counter at Woolworth’s in Greensboro, NC in 1960. It was a change in behavior that would cause massive social disruptions; prior to this, these things just weren’t done. But Peter made the change—until some of his colleagues came down from Jerusalem. Then Peter’s decision became costly, and he risked being criticized or even rejected by his peers. So he changed and stopped eating with Gentile Christians.

It’s the same issue that the Brethren had with extending the holy kiss to Black members in the 1800’s, isn’t it? Am I willing to accept that people who are a different class or different race from me are fully Christian, and are equally my sister or brother? For Peter, his answer was not found in his words, it was found in his unwillingness to share a meal with the Gentile Christians. He would not accept them as brother and sisters. Peter’s behavior even led Barnabas astray—Paul’s ministry partner who had shared in the first missionary journey and had seen many Gentiles come to faith in Jesus. Barnabas stopped eating with these brothers and sisters, too.

Reframing our perspective

Paul recognizes that the power of the Gospel story is in its ability to reframe our perspective. Paul is a man from his time; his prior understanding was that there were two categories of people: Jews and Gentile sinners, the classic “us vs. them” dichotomy of the world. Whenever we divide people into us vs. them, the persons in the other group—the “them”—are always in the wrong; they are always the problem.

But Paul has come to realize that this is the wrong way to view things. He understands that because of our sin, there is no “us.” From God’s perspective, we are all outsiders who need to be brought back into the family. One of the calls of the gospel is to welcome outsiders to our table and share a meal with them. But what is most astounding is that Jesus would welcome us to his table. We never want to get so concerned with the rules and guidelines for our own Love Feasts about who sits where and whether we should talk or sit in silence that we end up missing the fact that the table around which we gather is not our table, it is the Lord’s table. We are guests at God’s table!

One of the basic lessons that we learn in this world is that we are basically ok. We’re not perfect, we know we lots of room for improvement, but really all we need to do is add a few things or fix a few things, and then we’ll be fine. So we look for self-help books or maybe even a therapist—all of which can be fine and necessary and perfectly appropriate. But we so often spend our time tweaking things around the edges instead of addressing the fundamental problem in our lives: that we are alienated from God and need to be reconciled to God.

But even here, our efforts are flawed, because we so often want to reduce our relationship with Jesus to a prayer we pray “with every head bowed and every eye closed.” The Gospel invites us to so much more than that. We are invited to take our place alongside Abram

“who went, as the Lord told him” (Genesis 12:4).

We are invited to take our place alongside Paul, who left everything behind because he had encountered the consuming fire that is Jesus Christ. We’re called to be part of a community that is, quite frankly, a collection of mis-fits. But the reason they are mis-fits is because we don’t fit in this world, but we fit perfectly in the next.

[minrazinc]

My personal experience with Shatner part 4

ok I will just copy and paste from my old post in his fan club Facebook group, because I’m lazy to write another one. :) It was later October last year. 

Because of Sandy and Dave's suggestions, I guess I really could write something down to share this amazing experience, of seeing his Shatner's World for three times for the past three days.

Probably lots of self-related nonsense and poor English writing. Not a serious review or something, just a fan's perspective. Please bear with me.

Compared to many of you, I'm still quite new-ish...Only when STB came out and I decided to give it a shot did I finally find out and become obsessed about this great franchise, and came to know about this great man. I read his autobiographies, one by one, and completely attracted by his rich life experience and colorful personality. I can say it is his uniqueness that leads me to explore more about Star Trek not the other way around.

Ok so as I read about his life, I got to know his classic background and theatre experience. I'm a total theatre geek by the way. It's also something that's not very popular from where I come from, so when I finally found it out I became obsessed. So that part of him connecting to my other love excite me. I got to know his Shatner's World project and all I can think about day by day is I wish he could do it again. Or if I can travel back in time to see his touring in 70s, or to 50s seeing him do The World of Suzie Wong, that could work too! Some times before he announced this year's tour, when I went to Broadway, I even walked around Music Box and said to my self: please please come back again.

And guess what? Boom! He did! Do you have some magic power that can make my wishes come true, Bill?

So I carefully watch all 7 theatre's news, seeing them when to sell tickets, planning my journey, and so on. Most of them were settled in May and June. I planned to see all 7 performances at first, but I only bought 5 tickets, plus one for my friend at the end. Well in reality I only made it to 3. Planning can never catch up with changes, can it?

I also can't drive, and his touring is around Missouri, where the transportation you can just imagine. I think I can manage to go to three cities is quite magical already, not to see I found places to stay, have food... kind of remind me of his hitch riding experience before he went to college? Something he said when he talked about this experience really touched deeply in my heart, that is "you can never learn more than when you're on a trip and don't know the destination." I can really feel that, since I think I'm right in such situation. From the second performance to the third, Overland Park, some of my planning went wrong, I almost imitate him, making a board saying "student...seeing the US", standing on the road to see if someone could kindly take me for a ride or something. (Nah...just kidding)

But after all, I did see him, in theatre, on stage, doing his best, which makes everything worth , that's the most important part. Before I could actually walk into that theatre, I was thinking how would his one man show be different from panels at conventions, since both are he talks about himself. When I actually see it, I got my answer, completely different. Shatner's World is staged, written, designed and he's playing the role of Shatner, sort of, in my opinion, while at conventions he's more about himself. Do I enjoy him playing Shatner, aka another level of himself? Of course! I think "Shatner" could probably be my favorite role of his.

When the show was about to start, the intro music of TOS plays. In three shows I watched, audience at different cities had different reactions. At Johnson county community college, the audience was really exited as the music starts, and that kind of worship feeling is really exited for me as well.

Many of stories he talks in the show are in "Up Till Now", so I'm quite familiar with, but still very happy to see him actually act it out, like coco the gorilla story, and him seeking rats, and anecdotes with his parents. I remember just reading those words was already extremely enjoyable, and always gave me better mood for the day, never could imagine see him actually perform it could be way more pleasant.

One of the moments that left me with great impression is his recall of those days in Stratford. I really like his Transformed Man, mainly because of the classic literature part he did in the recording, especially Henry V's "Once more unto the breach" speech, which I think is so suitable for Captain Kirk, and all the classic heroism type of personality deep within him. I always thought I could be so satisfied if one day I could see him do it live.

And guess what? He did! Again Bill you definitely are wish satisfier! Magical!

I was so amazed by the power came from him, both for Henry V and Tambourine the Great, though he just did for a few words, but grabs everyone's attention in the room. The audience just suddenly became absolutely silent, like they don't believe what just happened and their brain stopped working. And  at that moment, Bill was very complacent, he would utilize that silence and said "yeah and the audience at that time was just...silent. " And everyone in the room follows his lead, without any extra noice, normally.

I said normally, because you couldn't control everything, even for Bill. At the third performance, in Overland Park, someone unfortunately coughs at that supposedly "absolutely silent" moment. Bill added "No one coughs." The audience just suddenly burst into huge laughter. "And no one laughs! " Bill pretended to be a little angry. Everybody just laughed more hardly, including me of course, and I probably was the one laughed the hardest at that moment, because I knew this is outside their script, and Bill just improvised. I was so happy to finally see what his improvisation looks like, and his casual interaction with the audience as well. I like his stories about Suzie Wong so much, mainly because of the way he used his improvisation to save the show. I think he's so genius on this part, so every time he did it it's like a treasure for me.

He did the show differently every day. I saw many of my favorite shows multiple times, but never have I saw one like his that never bored me, and made me feel like I'm seeing it for the first time every day. I think Omaha is his first during this tour, so he's fully charged and really passionate, even his speaking speed is faster than usual. From first to second, Omaha to Branson, staff told us he drove there, which almost needs for 6 hours? I experienced it so I know how tired he's supposed to be, but on stage he's just still energetic as usual, like Superman! Or at least have a Vulcan's strength. He's so professional and so passionate about what he's doing, and I could feel that, which made me feel the same way as well. But I don't think the audience in Branson is as great as the other two. Many came late. Though in  recording announcement Bill emphasized not to use any recording device, but there were still many people take out their phone. But that doesn't bother him (yeah he wouldn't shout at the audience like when he's in Suzie Wong's days. Shame). In Branson's performance, he and his cute co-chair had a little argument, so his good partner almost threw him off ground, which is quite dangerous. And the audience had some worried sound as well. He just smiled and took care of this little incident easily "these chairs, they don't work the same do they?" Everyone laughed, and he changed a position to make sure of his own safety. I noticed at the third performance this thing didn't happen again.

Because he probably had a good rest at Friday night, and the distance between Overland Park and Branson is not crazy as between Branson and Omaha, also the audience in Overland Park was great, he's amazing again on Saturday. Besides the little improv on "silent" part, another little incident happened at the end. He missed the first lines in "real", but he catched up perfectly with the rhythm again. I'm sure anyone who never heard of this song wouldn't notice any problems. Lol.

So...even though this is not my first time seeing him, as I said I have some weird obsession with theatre. Seeing him in a theatre is still a dreamy experience for me, because of what he wrote and talked about his great days in theatre, like suzie wong, like Henry V, which indicate his colorful personality so well. So when I finally got to see it, as one of thousands audience sitting there, seeing him doing those imitations, comedic performances, classic performance, seeing him being silly, being poignant, and even feeling his casual eye contact, it's really a spiritual experience for me, exactly what's like for him when he's with his "stealing motorcycle" or horse. To be more sentimentally exaggerated, theatre is my cathedral and I got to see a God there.

And I had two photo opps with him. I’m satisfied with the first but not so much with the second. However, after I left the theatre after the third show, I tweeted him about how much I enjoyed it and I love him improv that night. He replied to me asking if I was following him, with an amusing emoji. Even though he replied to me so many times I couldn’t even remember, and I know it’s not a big deal, he likes to interact with people on twitter, I was still super exited that night, ‘cause his tweet was showing like, somehow he recognized me at that moment. And it feels sooooo good to actually to show the actor your praise for his work. More to that, after he ended his tour last year, and like a month or so passed, he came to our fanclub Facebook group (not the official one which is much larger), read my post, and “likes” it. I know I’m bad in English, and that just makes me both embarrassed and hysterical. When your favorite actor read your “review” of the show, is there anything more wonderful than that? 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

That’s the end of it, for now. Look forward to TWOK screening in March :) 

[weekendwarriorblog]

What To Watch Over the Long 4th of July Weekend!

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these but for many, it’s going to be a long weekend, especially for me, since I have almost no immediate assignments to worry about, so figured I’d try to knock out one of these suckers, so you’ll get some ideas... wait for it... What to Watch! 

First up, we have Edgar Wright’s BABY DRIVER (TriStar Pictures), and if you’re still not sure what to watch after reading my previous review then BABY DRIVER! BABY DRIVER! BABY DRIVER!  Yeah, I’m pushing this one hard, because it’s another great flick from the director of Hot Fuzz and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (two of my previous favorites of his), and it may be the movie that finally breaks him big-time among a larger American audience. Part of that is because it’s his first movie set in America (Atlanta), and it stars Ansel Elgort, Lilly James, Kevin Spacey, Jamie Foxx and Jon Hamm—the last three who have quite a fanbase already—but also, I think it’s a mix of genres that might connect more with mainstream American moviegoers than some of his earlier films. 

This opened on Tuesday night and it grossed $2.5 million in Tuesday previews alone, so I think it’s good for $25 million or more over its first five days, which would be a fantastic start for what should be a solid word-of-mouth movie, even going against bigger movies like Spider-Man: Homecoming, War for the Planet of the Apes and Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk. (Holy crap! Are we facing one of the best movie Julys ever?) Who knows? It may even beat Michael Bay’s new Transformers in its second weekend, which would be quite a coup.

I also got to talk to Edgar about the music in the movie for Den of Geek, so once you see the movie and are curious to know more, you can read that HERE. Oh, and I reviewed the movie for the NY Daily News, too!

I ended up not seeing Illumination Entertainment’s latest DESPICABLE ME 3 (Universal)... because I had to write more about Baby Driver (of course) but I also never saw Despicable Me 2, and I’m perfectly fine with that. This actually looks fairly funny from the ads I’ve seen, and I’m not completely adverse to seeing it, because I generally liked the characters and premise, but honestly, I’d prefer Illumination does more original ideas and less sequels and spin-offs, although I guess they need to keep the cash flow going with things like this. I’m sure it will do just fine this weekend, probably not as much as the Minions spin-off, which opened with $115 million two years ago (although after 4th of July). Despicable Me 2 opened on July 3, 2013 and made $143 million in its first five days, but I think the sequel might be affected by the same general franchise malaise that has affected most other movies this summer. I think if this makes $90 to 95 million this weekend, including Thursday previews and possibly another $30 to 35 million Monday and Tuesday, it will be in pretty good shape. 

I can’t say whether I’ve seen the new comedy THE HOUSE (New Line/WB), starring Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler, yet, but if I have, I probably can’t tell you about it, because I’d still be under embargo.  The fact that it’s not being screened in advance for critics can give you some sense of the confidence the studio has in the movie doing well on RottenTomatoes, so many critics will be forced to watch this on Thursday night... or they won’t bother at all. The marketing for the movie, about suburban parents who turn their basement into a casino to help fund their daughter’s college tuition, hasn’t been that great. Honestly, I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if this gets beaten badly by Baby Driver this weekend, especially having Universal’s family comedy offering competition as well, so it will probably make $12 to 14 million and not more than that.                                                    

That’s it for the new wide releases, but while you’re out there, I do recommend looking for Miguel Arteta’s Beatriz at Dinner (Roadside Attractions), which I would have written about if I was still doing this column regularly.  It’s a fantastic film with great performances by Salma Hayek as a Mexican Reiki masseuse and John Lithgow as a fat-cat executive she clashes with at a client’s fancy dinner. I saw it at Sundance where it was one of my faves, and I’ll definitely try to get out to see it again very soon. 

Also, my beloved Sofia Coppola’s The Beguiled will expand wider into over 500 theaters, so don’t be too surprised if this makes a move into the bottom half of the Top 10 this weekend.

WHAT ELSE TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND:

Before I get to some of the limited releases and other streaming stuff, I should mention that on Friday, the annual New York Asian Film Festival kicks off at the Walter Reade Theater at Lincoln Center. Now in its 16th year, the NYAFF brings to New York some of the best movies from Hong Kong, China, Korea, Japan and other Asian nations, some huge hits, some more esoteric and quite weird.I haven’t had a chance to watch nearly as many of the screeners I received as I’d like, but it opens with the Thai heist thriller Bad Genius from Nattawut Poonpiriya and you can see what else is playing here, but it’s a virtual cornucopia of riches every year, and I wish I had more time to spend seeing movies there. (Be aware that most of the movies only screen ONCE during the festival, too, so don’t miss out!)

And speaking of Asian cinema, you can’t do much better than one of Korea’s finest, Bong Joon-ho, whose earlier film The Host really blew me away and was in my Top 5 when it was released ten years ago. His new movie OKJA (Netflix) is somewhat of a follow-up since it also involves a monstrous animal, in this case, a mutated pig named Okja, whose friendship with a young Korean girl, until the two of them are brought to New York by the corporation that created the pig, who wants to cash in on the potential for its meat. It stars Tilda Swinton, Jake Gyllenhaal, LIlly Collins, Paul Dano and Giancarlo Esposito, and it’s a very strange action-comedy with some absolutely bonkers performances. I didn’t love it, but as a semi-vegetarian, I did enjoy its messages, and I hope to watch it again soon.

While you’re over on Netflix, check out their excellent new show GLOW, if you haven’t already, as it’s a fantastic look at the ‘80s women’s wrestling circuit.  I haven’t had a chance to watch Naomi Watts in Gypsy, but that’s on my agenda to eventually watch as well.

If you decide to go to theaters instead, particularly in New York and LA., you can do worse than Downfall director Oliver Hirschpiegel’s 13 Minutes (Sony Classics), his 2015 film about Georg Elser’s failed attempt to kill Hitler in 1939. Hitler himself only appears very briefly in the movie, which is a shame because maybe Downfall’s Bruno Ganz--whose appearance in that movie has become a huge internet meme--could have reprised the role despite being more than 13 years older. It opens in New York at the wonderful new Quad Cinema as well as uptown at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas.

I also had a chance to see Jeff Baena’s The Little Hours (Gunpowder and Sky) at Sundance earlier this year, and it’s a fairly funny take on “The Decameron,” a comedy that stars Alison Brie (from GLOW!), Aubrey Plaza and Kate Minucci as three Franciscan nuns living in a monastery who become tempted by the arrival of a handsome, seemingly mute (but just pretending) gardener, played by Dave Franco. It also stars John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Nick Offerman and Jemima Kirke (from Girls), just to give you some idea of the caliber of the cast.

Australian filmmaker Paul Currie’s 2:22 (Magnet), starring Michiel Huisman (“Game of Thrones”) and Teresa Palmer, is a sci-fi crime-thriller that could have been released by a studio, but instead it’s getting a minimal theatrical release (in just three smaller cities) and released On Demand. Huisman plays an air traffic controller who nearly causes the collision of two airplanes, but when he meets a woman on one of the planes, the patterns he’s been seeing start to coalesce into an even bigger mystery about what is happening around him. (I reviewed the movie for Film Journal, and since my review is currently the only review on RottenTomatoes, you’ll just have to trust me that it’s worth renting On Demand.) 

I didn’t get a chance to see Jamie Kastner’s documentary, The Skyjacker’s Tale (Strand Releasing), which has unprecedented access to one of the top American fugitives living in Cuba, Ishmael Muslim Ali aka LaBeet, who was accused of killing eight people and whome hijacked a plane to Cuba in 1984 where he’s been ever since. It’s playing at the Village East Cinemas in New York starting tomorrow.

(Text copyright Edward Douglas 2017.)

[badbackgroundscience]

Worst. Hazmat Protocol Follower. Ever.

Title of the Week: The Naked Time

Planet of the Week: Psi 2000 Villain of the Week: a fake Irishman fake mutated!water molecules Redshirt death count: 0 (1 blueshirt lost, but it was his fault...)

TL:DR: Dude takes off his glove in a room where a bunch of people died by mysterious circumstances to scratch his nose, nearly kills everyone on the Enterprise. Otherwise known as “the one where a half-naked Sulu chases people around the ship with a sword”.

Behold, the Enterprise’s dumbest crewman:

The episode opens with an away team (Spock + this moron) on the surface of the planet Psi 2000, finding 6 people dead. A woman strangled. A man fully clothed in a shower. Another who looks like he just gave up at his station. All of them covered in fake!snow. No one knows what happened. Lt. Tormolen gets itchy underneath the worst hazmat suits ever designed by a space-faring society, so he takes off his glove to scratch his nose, then goes about his scanning business without putting the glove back on until he feels something brush it (That’d be the ‘virus’, moving toward and getting absorbed into his naked hand). 

The Enterprise, meanwhile, is in orbit of this planet to collect the members of the science party and then observe the planet breaking apart (We learn later that the planet’s star “went dark” - presumably that means it’s a white dwarf now). They beam up the away team and run a decontamination program, then send them both to sickbay. Spock checks out fine with his pulse of 242 and “practically nonexistent” blood pressure. Tormolen is visibly distraught about the dead people and everyone in the room misses him staring at his hand (They also miss the rattlesnake sound effect...). The instruments reveal no source for the strange deaths,* but Kirk decides to keep the ship in orbit to continue monitoring the planet.

Tormolen starts acting funny, wiping his hand a la Lady Macbeth, crying out that we have no business out in space, and trying to stab himself with a butter knife. As Sulu and Lt. Riley (aka ‘Kevin’) restrain him, the ‘virus’ passes onto them and Tormolen ends up with the knife in his belly. He dies on the table (that is, the surgical table...not the mess hall table, where he stabbed himself), inexplicably. McCoy concludes it’s because he lost the will to live.

On the bridge, we’re alerted that the “relative gravity” of the planet is increasing, and Kirk orders an orbit adjustment. (Finally - science time!) 

This makes no sense for a breaking up planet that’s also “shrinking in mass”. The amount of gravitational force a planet (or any object, really) generates decreases with a corresponding decrease in mass.** No one in the episode ever tells us where this mass is going - the only way the gravity would increase would be if a large enough chunk broke off and headed right toward the ship, shifting the center of mass of what’s soon to be a pile of rubble. (This all assumes, of course, that a planet can naturally fall apart with no apparent outside influence.)

Spock specifies later that the planet is also shrinking “in size”; so, basically the planet’s collapsing in on itself but instead of increasing in density*** (despite Spock referring to a “rate of compaction”) the mass just vanishes. There’s never any discussion by the crewmen about having to dodge debris - the only trouble is the ‘gravitational anomalies’.

Sulu hightails it off the bridge to go to the gym in the middle of his shift, and Kevin’s ordered to sickbay after telling Spock, “One Irishman is worth ten thousand of you”. [Side note: Uhura is ordered to fly the ship, instead. Because she’s...on the bridge?] He passes the ‘infection’ on to Nurse Chapel and says Tormolen died because “he wasn't born an Irishman”.

We’re then treated to this image:

The Enterprise soon finds itself spiraling toward the planet (which, again, it shouldn’t be according to the laws of physics) with dead warp and impulse engines. Sulu attacks the bridge, but is taken out by our very first appearance of the Vulcan neck pinch.****

Turns out Kevin locked all of the engineers out of engineering (It’s a small room...) because he thinks he’s captain of the ship. He takes control of the communications system, the helm, basically everything (How does the ship’s navigator know how to do that?), and orders the cooks to give everyone ice cream for dinner, and sings a very annoying Irish shanty.

Spock gets touched by Chapel while she confesses her love for him; he ends up in a pool of tears in Briefing Room 2.

When Scotty and Kirk break into engineering, they find the engines are completely shut off and need 30 minutes to get them going. (Meanwhile, Uhura reports they’ve entered the atmosphere.*****) When Kirk orders Scotty to fix everything, he responds, “I can't change the laws of physics” for the first time (Yay, more firsts!).

One piece of good news: McCoy successfully cures Sulu, and finds the cause of all this trouble. In his own words, “It's water. Somehow on this planet, water's changed to a complex chain of molecules...It passed from man to man through perspiration. Once in the bloodstream, it acts like alcohol".

Let’s just assume all the water on the planet actually did react chemically with some other completely unknown compound to form a new product. It wouldn’t need to be a “chain of molecules” - a regular molecule would do just fine. 

For example, here’s the relatively simple molecule for ethanol - the specific type of alcohol`* McCoy is referring to:

And here are a few other molecules that are perfectly capable of inhibiting regular human thought and action in different ways:

(−)-(6aR,10aR)-6,6,9-Trimethyl-3-pentyl-6a,7,8,10a-tetrahydro-6H-benzo[c]chromen-1-ol

(RS)-N-methyl-1-phenylpropan-2-amine

(6aR,9R)-N,N-diethyl-7-methyl-4,6,6a,7,8,9-hexahydroindolo-[4,3-fg]quinoline-9-carboxamide

You might know them better by their non-IUPAC names - THC, Meth, and LSD.

However, if we want to get something a bit closer to what McCoy said, I submit to you an actual chain of molecules - a string of amino acids - that twists and folds into an elaborate shape. These, in general, are called proteins, but I’m looking at one specific brand:

Prions`**

Prions are mis-folded proteins which cause (the very undesirable) transmissible spongiform encephalopathies (TSEs) like mad cow disease, Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease (CJD), Kuru, and - my personal fave - Fatal Familial Insomnia (FFI). In that case - which is only found in about 40 families - victims suffer from progressively worsening insomnia. This leads to, as Wikipedia eloquently puts it, “hallucinations, delirium, confusional states like that of dementia, and eventually, death”. All TSEs are, so far, untreatable and fatal.

Prions are in no way what McCoy’s talking about - you can’t take a bunch of water molecules and string them together to get them - but they do something that the other compounds don’t, in that they are transmissible. Although, you’d gave to make someone eat your brains to transmit it - not just touch them... 

But let’s wrap up.

Kirk slaps Spock over and over in an attempt to get him to run some calculations to get the engines going. Thus, he catches the “disease” (as he calls it; is being drunk/high a disease?) and starts complaining how he loves the Enterprise too much (”This vessel, I give, she takes. She won't permit me my life. I've got to live hers.”). This somehow snaps Spock out of it. Kirk pulls himself together and they head to the bridge.

They “implode” the engines to escape the planet, and end up traveling back in time 71 hours. No one thinks to go back to Psi 2000 and check if that science team is still dead, or to head back to the planet and try to make observations without a crazy fake!Irishman taking control of the ship.

* Side note: Spock gives us a good line to remember for science in the real world: “Instruments register only those things they're designed to register.”

** Fancy equation in words: (Force of gravity between 2 objects) = (gravitational constant) x (mass of object 1) x (mass of object 2) / (distance between their centers of mass, squared)

*** like what happens when a very massive star’s core collapses into a neutron star or black hole, or a less massive star’s core collapses into a white dwarf

**** We also get a great line where he tells Uhura, “I'll protect you, fair maiden.” and she responds, “Sorry, neither.”

***** Also, Yeoman Rand is flying the ship. Or at least she was the last time we saw her.

`*  which, in chemistry, refers to a group of organic compounds containing the ones you definitely don’t want to drink, like methanol (wood alcohol) and isopropyl (i.e. rubbing) alcohol

`** short for "proteinaceous infectious particles”

TOS s01e04 - Written by: John D.F. Black, Directed By: Marc Daniels

Image Credits:

Ethanol, Public Domain

THC By Ben Mills - Own work, Public Domain, 

Meth By Jynto (talk) - Own work, CC0, 

LSD By Ben Mills - Own work, Public Domain, 

HUMAN PRION PROTEIN VARIANT S170N from RCSB Protein Database