#and the internals - flirting affectionately with everything /loving excitement / loving friends and family enough to risk himself completely

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Warnings: mental breakdowns, heartbreak, rejection, major angst, arguments, flashbacks, physical injuries, fighting, underaged drinking, panic attacks, mentions of death, slight mentions of druGS?, terribly written i dont rlly like this chapt.

• Wordcount : 6.1 k

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: XIII, XIV

Life had many pros and cons, but people always preferred to see the bright side of it. As they say one of the best feelings in the world was the feeling you get when you found your soulmate, your other half. You had heard a countless amount of stories about it in your youth. Mainly from your grandmother. But sadly, you were one of the unfortunate souls who couldn’t experience the feeling for too long.

 Your sixteenth birthday was supposed to be filled with joy and excitement. But the moment you saw the ink starting to form on your wrist as soon as you blew your candles caused your heart to weigh down in your chest. At that moment, you remembered the feeling of shock and slight disappointment when you realised you had the same soulmate tattoo as Jaemin.

You remembered standing still in the middle of the room, surrounded by your friends and family who eagerly surrounded you to see your new soulmate tattoo as you entered a midlife crisis on the spot. How your mind turned messy with thoughts as your anxiety got the best of you.

‘My tattoo is the same as Jaemin’s. Jaemin is my soulmate?’

‘Oh god, but he doesn’t want to have a soulmate chosen for him. He wants to find his own love and experience the feeling of slowly falling for someone, I can’t possibly take that wish away from him, right?’

‘I’m his best friend, for pete’s sakes! He’s never going to treat me or look at me the same way again.’

‘This is really ironic. Grandma, you really got what you wanted, huh?’ 

The whole situation was almost laughable to you. Oh how your grandmother would probably be doing somersaults in her place if she was here to witness this miracle. But alas, that moment you just wanted to turn into stone on the spot. You wanted time to stop. You knew very well that there was a possibility that you won’t be experiencing that life changing feeling your grandmother always rambles about. 

Though, you had some hope that maybe. Just maybe, Jaemin would be okay with having you as his soulmate. Maybe he would be happy to find out that his childhood best friend, the person who knows him better than his own family, was his soulmate. Maybe life would give you some mercy and decided that Jaemin would change his mind and you would end up living happily ever after.

‘Come on, he would definitely be glad to find out that someone close to him was his soulmate, right?’ 

‘I know him like the back of my hand, surely he would be ecstatic to see that we have the same soulmate tattoo!’

‘I’m sure of it!’

‘Grandma said that there’s nothing better than the feeling of finding your soulmate’

‘He’s your best friend, he wouldn’t be disappointed to see that you ended up as his soulmate, right?’

‘You’ll still get that feeling of happiness you’ve been longing to feel for so long, right y/n?’

Of course, you were only getting your hopes up.

When you turned to Jaemin, who was peeking over your shoulder at your wrist to see your tattoo, the look on his face was enough to push your hopes down to the floor. You honestly couldn’t decipher what he was feeling. But it definitely wasn’t anything along the lines of happiness.

‘What’s that look for, Jaem?’

‘Surprised? Definitely. Disappointment? Pretty clear. Sadness? Yep, it was there alright. Misery? Despair? Probably.’

You couldn’t show anyone your sadness though, you had to keep a bright smile until the day was over if you didn’t want to worry anyone. When Jaemin’s eyes met yours, he, too, was surprised to see your calm reaction. The sad smile you gave him was enough to silence him for the rest of the party. 

It was quite painful when the rest of your friends and family decided to bombard you with questions of who you might think your soulmate could be. Not wanting to make things more awkward, you just tried your best to answer those questions without showing how upset you were with a simple shrug with Jaemin avoiding your eyes for the rest of the day.

At that moment you didn’t know how much pain you’d be in all because of your stupid soulmate mark.

One of the most hurtful things you’ve ever experienced was watching your friends and relatives find their own soulmates with the look of pure happiness stretched across their faces as you stand there with Jaemin by your side with a smile masking your faces and misery glossing over your eyes.

The one that always stuck to you was that time during Christmas. 

It had been a few months since you found out you and Jaemin were soulmates and not much has changed other than your obnoxious flirting and affection towards him. Jaemin had grown less and less affectionate as time passed by. He was no longer attacking you with surprise hugs or giving you cuddles during your movie nights.

You could feel your friendship tearing apart with every step you take, it was hopeless, you didn’t know what to do. You wanted to stop before you ruin your relationship completely, you wanted to stop making things so awkward between you, you wanted everything to stop hurting. You wanted to stop feeling hurt all the time. 

But at the same time, you couldn’t. You feared that once you stop, you’ll give up completely and you were scared that maybe if you stopped, you won’t have the courage to talk to Jaemin anymore. You were scared once you stopped you wouldn’t have the energy left to bare with the pain talking to him brought you. You were scared you’d give everything up.

And you were scared if it did happen, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself anymore.

They say the moments you spend with your soulmate should be one of the best moments of your life. Was the pain you felt all this time really worth it? Isn’t this kind of toxic? 

Your friend, Yiren, from another town had come to visit you over the holidays to spend some quality time with you. Your parents allowed her to spend the night at yours for Christmas while her parents finished their business in some other town. At that time, you and your other friends decided to hang out at the mall, asking her to tag along so they could meet her.

Yiren was an out-going person, just like you, therefore she got along very well with most of your friends. But when Chanhee finally arrived at the garden you were supposed to meet up at, you couldn’t help but feel your heart sink when you witnessed such an endearing moment between your two friends.

“Hey guys! I’m so sorry I’m late, my brother needed help closing up the shop!” Chanhee exclaimed, waving as he ran towards you. “You loser, just be grateful you have amazing friends who were willing to buy tickets 3 hours early,” Hyunjin clicked his tongue, slinging an arm around his friend’s shoulder who let out a loud laugh. 

“Whatever you say, Hwang Hyunjin.” Chanhee stuck his tongue out teasingly at the boy. “Oh! Chanhee! I got my friend from Busan to tag along with us, I just want her to have more friends here, you don’t mind right?” you asked, slumping down on your seat. “That’s cool, where is she? Actually, where are the other girls?” Chanhee nodded, cocking his head to the side to find the other girls.

“The others went to buy some drinks for us. Don’t worry I made sure to make them order something for you,” Jaemin responded, scrolling through his phone casually. “Why didn’t you join them?” Chanhee asked, turning to you. You let out a wide, nervous smile, letting out small awkward laughs. “She wanted to stick beside me,” Jaemin huffed, trying his best not to roll his eyes out of annoyance.

“Whipped, I see,” he chuckled, watching you cross your arms against your chest before giving him a teasing glare. “You’ll understand once you actually find your soulmate, Chan. I can’t expect you to understand,” you joked in a rather arrogant tone, putting a hand under your chin as you grinned cheekily at your friend.

“It’s not that he doesn’t understands, Y/n. It’s just the fact that you’re really questionable,” Jaemin mumbled under his breath, earning a glare from you. “You two really are a questionable couple,” Hyunjin commented with a laugh. “I swear, my life wouldn’t be this entertaining if it weren’t for the two of you pushing and pulling each other like some kind of weird magnet,” he added with a loud snicker.

You winced internally at his words.

“We’re here!” Nayeon exclaimed in an excited tone, hopping up to you all with plastic bags filled with drinks. “Sorry, the line was so fucking long,” Yiren chuckled, pulling out the drinks from the bag to hand them out. “Nah, it’s fine. We’re not the ones paying after all,” you teased, waving it off.

“Bitch,” Yiren spat at you jokingly, earning a small laugh from your friends. You gingerly grabbed your drink and a straw, stabbing it into the drink before sipping. “Oh! Yiren! Meet Chanhee, he just got here because of business or something,” you squeaked, gesturing to the boy whose head shot up from his drink at the mention of his name.

“What? Me?” Chanhee rambled, stabbing his straw through the lid of his drink. 

“Oh, nice to meet you! I’m Yiren, I’m Y/n’s friend from Busan,” she smiled, outstretching her hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you too, I’m Chanhee,” he nodded, shaking her hand before his eyes glanced down to her wrist. His eyes widened, letting out a loud gasp which alerted all of you. 

“What? What happened?” Mina exclaimed, turning her head to the couple who were staring at each other with equally flabbergasted expressions. “It’s you! Holy crap, it’s actually you!” she exclaimed, using her free hand to cup her mouth. Chanhee slowly stood up, feeling tears gathering in his eyes.

Everyone was shocked. You let out dramatic gasps, recognizing the loving expressions the two of them had on their faces. No one dared to speak as they let the knowledge sink in, feeling the atmosphere tense up for a brief moment as you watched your two friends stare admiringly and longingly at each other.

“You’re real! What the fuck, you’re real and you’re here!” Chanhee managed to choke out, admiring the tattoo on Yiren’s left wrist that mirrored his own. “Hi soulmate,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around her soulmate who wrapped her in a tight embrace. 

Your friends let out loud cheers and squeals at how dramatic their meet-up was, coming forward to congratulate them nonetheless. You couldn’t hold in your excitement for your friend but you couldn’t help but clench your fist tightly by your side, a heavy feeling in your chest piling up once again.

You couldn’t help but feel envious of how happy they looked. The tears in their eyes as they embraced each other so passionately, the bright aura surrounding them. You’ve seen your friends and families do PDA with their own partners but you had never witnessed what finding your soulmate truly looked like. That is, not until now.

Reading strangers’ experiences when meeting their soulmate online was one thing but seeing it first hand in person was a beautiful sight to see. You couldn’t help but turn to Jaemin in your seat, giving him a longing look as you ignored the loud exclaims and cheers of your friend group.

Jaemin’s expression was empty, void of emotion. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or what he was feeling. Frankly, you didn’t want to know. They say you can see your future with your soulmate if your love was powerful enough. ‘Bull crap, all I see in his eyes is irritation towards me’ you thought with a roll of your eyes.

Jaemin’s eyes met yours, his brow raising at you as if to say ‘what?’

Your eyes widened slightly, taking aback by his sudden gaze, feeling hurt at the fact that he wasn’t fazed at all at the beautiful sight bestowed upon him. The reunion of two soulmates was always something special, it was a priceless moment that they can only share between them.

You felt your enthusiasm waver when you realised you were hoping something that wasn’t going to come. You were clinging on to Jaemin once again in hopes that he would give you the happiness you craved so much from hearing your grandmother’s stories. 

When you finally focused back on Jaemin’s now concerned gaze since he noticed you had spaced out and had begun snapping his fingers in front of your face to snap you out of your deep thoughts.

You couldn’t help but smile brightly at him, ignoring the jolting pain blooming in your wrist and in your chest as you stood up from your seat to join in celebration with your friends. The thought of never experiencing the same happiness they’re going to have once they find their soulmates lingering in the back of your mind.

But fortunately for you, keeping a smile stretched across your lips is what you do best.  

“Hey, I’m here,” Renjun called out, walking into your door without knocking. Your parents were away for the day and your sad hours were hitting you hard that you called Renjun to help comfort you and accompany you. Renjun knew the door was always unlocked for him to enter immediately without knocking whenever you were sad.

“Thanks for coming,” you smiled weakly, nuzzling closer to your bed sheets as Renjun sat on the bed next to you, dumping a plastic bag filled with snacks right in front of you. “You better pay me back sooner or later,” he joked, pulling out two cartons of milk and handing one to you. “When I don’t feel like shit that is,” you chuckled softly, sticking the straw in the carton as you tossed him the remote.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked, adjusting his position on your pillow as he pressed through the options on your TV screen. “The Office? That drama you’ve been wanting to watch? Or-”

“I’m good with anything, Jun. I just- I’m just glad I’m not alone, right now,” you inhaled deeply, sniffling back your tears as you shook your milk carton. Renjun paused, realising you were on the brink of crying again. He clicked his tongue, his eyes darting from the TV screen to your shaking form trying to maintain calm, debating whether to leave you be or make you talk your feelings out.

“You want to talk about it?”

Renjun obviously decided to choose the latter.

You shrugged, looking down at your milk carton so hopelessly, a hurt expression flossing over your features. “I was just having those dreams again,” you gazed up to keep your tears in. You’ve been having these dreams that you were in a completely alternate universe, that you were happy again, that you were in Jaemin’s arms.

That he was looking at you the way you’ve been looking at him for the past two years.

“Were you reading those soulmate moments again before you went to bed?” he asked with a soft chuckle. You huffed, crossing your arms before sitting up straight against the headboard. “Come on! Let me dream! I might not be able to experience the happiness soulmates share when they’re with each other because I decided to ghost mine completely, but at least I can imagine!” you whined.

“It’s the only thing I can do now that I don’t have any hopes of experiencing romance or love and what not,” you mumbled almost inaudibly, sipping on your milk once again. Renjun bit his lip, knowing full well where this was going if he said the wrong thing. “Well, I-”

“It’s not fair, Renjun.”

“Huh?”

He turned to you, watching you stare at the screen which was playing a trailer of The Umbrella Academy with an expression filled with despair. “I’m stupid for getting this worked up for a boy but he’s my soulmate, I have the right to be upset right? He’s my soulmate, I want to experience the same thing others are experiencing, too. It’s not fair,” you whimpered, crossing your arms tightly against your chest.

“Why does he get to be the selfish one? I’m here getting hurt all the time for his own happiness and he’s probably out there living his best life!” you exclaimed exasperatedly, sniffling back your tears. “It’s not fair, I want to be happy too.” You whimpered, furiously wiping away your tears,

“How did we come to this? I’m human too! I want to be selfish too for once. I want to be able to play with my soulmate’s hair, give them little smooches, have cuddles and movie sessions. I want to go on dates with my soulmate too! And take those aesthetic pictures you see on Pinterest too!”

“Y/n, I-”

“He wanted to find love and experience the feeling of falling in love with someone who wasn’t chosen for him, right? Does that mean I have to watch him fall in love with someone else in front of my own eyes? Oh God, I’m so fucking stupid!” you planted your elbows on your thighs, leaning forward to rub your eyes against your palms to avoid looking into Renjun’s sympathetic ones.

“Two years. Two damn years, that’s how long I spent parading myself around like an idiot hoping that he would like me back when all I did, really, was drive him further and further away! I just thought, maybe it wasn’t those immediate soulmate bonds, you know Jun? The ones that take time and effort. But it’s been two damn years. Once again, I’m just fooling myself with something that wasn’t there! I just want it to stop hurting!”

“Y/n stop, your wrist is glowing again-”

“I was so stupid, Renjun. So, so fucking stupid. All this time I knew that I was making the both of us uncomfortable, yet I still kept on going and I still kept on pestering him even if he told me to stop. Maybe I’m the selfish one?” you felt your bottom lip quiver as your scattered mind grew messier with every passing second.

“Why did I trick myself into thinking that maybe one day he would feel the same feelings I’m feeling? I’ve always known he won’t ever love me back. So why did I create false hope? Was that selfish of me to want someone to love and someone to love me back?”

“No, y/n, you’re not selfish.”

“Renjun. My own soulmate doesn’t love me. My own fucking soulmate doesn’t love me. I’m going to be alone forever. I hate being alone. I hate it so much. I hate this so damn much,” your whole body shook harshly with every sob you let out but Renjun couldn’t help but respond with a soft, “you won’t be alone, y/n.”

“The worst part is I told myself for so long that I’ll be okay if it happens. I’ll be fine with watching him happy without me. But the more I think about it, the more selfish I felt. I don’t want to see him fall in love with someone else and be happy with someone else, Jun. I’m so stupid, Why did I ever thought I’d be okay with it when I’m clearly not okay now!”

“Y/n, no, you’re not stupid. Don’t you dare say something like that about yourself.” Renjun pulled you away from the ball you were curling into, making you lean against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around your back tightly, stroking your head and rubbing your back as he tried to calm down your soft cries.

“You’re not stupid, y/n. You’re really not,” he said in the softest tone he could muster. 

“Renjun. I have a soulmate who doesn’t even fucking want me. If my own soulmate doesn’t want me then who else will? You all always see how he looks at me right? He hates me, he doesn’t even like me. Not one bit.” At this point, you were trying to focus on your breathing, wiping your nose and tears away with the fabric of your shirt.

Your grip on your bedsheets tightened when your heart ached even more. Your heart was screaming and pleading in your chest, crying out for something it can’t have. And all you can do to comfort it was to cry it all out.

Renjun sat there, rubbing your back and stroking your head as he whispered soft hushes, trying to reassure you your worth as you mumbled incoherent sobs, single syllables and broken words against his shoulder. You were hurting so much that you didn’t know if you should stop crying or let it all out to satisfy the pain in your chest.

But sure enough, Renjun held you there until you couldn’t cry anymore. 

“Hey, I told you, you don’t have to give me chocolates anymore. My mom’s going to kill me if I have another sore throat,” you chuckled, pulling up the thin chocolate bar from your locker. Your friend, Nayeon, turned to you with furrowed brows, eyes filled with confusion. “Excuse you, I didn’t give you any chocolates this week,” she responded, pulling out her textbook.

You let out a small ‘huh?’ at her, trying to see if she was lying. Nayeon always gave you half of her lifetime supply of chocolates that she always receives from her soulmate because she wanted to go on a diet and she didn’t want to waste the delicious treats. “He found out I was on a diet and stopped giving me chocolates for the time being. Also, it’s my cheat day today!” she exclaimed, pulling out a chocolate bar similar to yours from her pocket.

“So no chocolates for you,” she waved the chocolate bar in your face jokingly, causing you to chuckle. “Well okay, Nayeon. But if you didn’t give me the chocolate, then who did?” you asked, furrowing your brows at the treat in your hand. “Dumbass, there’s a note behind it,” Nayeon reached over and flipped the candy over, revealing a small yellow sticky note attached to it.

‘I hope you have a great day!

- you know who’

The handwriting gave it away. It was way too obvious, you’ve seen that handwriting more than you could count. There was no doubt in your mind that this was indeed Jaemin’s handwriting. You chuckled when your mind recalled the time Jaemin kept giving you chocolate bars from his mother’s private stock whenever you were upset back when you were still kids. But how could he still remember your favorite chocolate brand? It was quite sweet but unexpected at the same time.

“’I hope you have a great day’, that’s so bland. Sounds like something moms would write on a piece of paper in their kid’s lunch boxes,” your friend commented with a small snicker, pointing at the note attached to the chocolate bar. “This sounds like some weird stalker-ish movie prompt,” she added with a teasing tone, nudging your shoulder. You forced out a small laugh to hide your discomfort.

“Do you really have to say it like that, though? I’d say this might just be someone’s weird prank?” you raised your brow, trying not to give away the fact that you know full well who this chocolate bar is from. “Come on, aren’t you suppose to be the prankster in this situation, y/n?” she giggled, waving her hand off to say she was joking.

“Nonetheless-Ooh! An admirer! Sadly, you’re too whipped for Jaemin to give this fellow a chance,” Nayeon gushed, snatching the chocolate bar out of your palms to inspect the note even further. “It even says ‘you know who’. I’m fully convinced that a Potterhead wrote this, I mean, it’s cute. But do they really have to include ‘you know who’? This isn’t Harry Potter, they ain’t Voldemort,” Nayeon rambled, causing you to giggle in response.

“Shut up,” you mumbled, suppressing the heavy feeling inside of your chest. Nayeon giggled, smacking your shoulder gently as she handed you the chocolate bar back. “I’m just kidding you! So, do you know this supposed admirer?” she asked with a small hum, oblivious to the sadness that had glossed over your pupils.

“Yeah, definitely.” You replied shortly, kissing your lips as you nodded. Her head shot up at you, eyes widening in surprise. “Oh! So are you going to do anything about it? I mean, you found your soulmate already as far as I know but are you going to do anything?” she asked, cocking her head to the side a bit in wonder. You sighed, putting the chocolate in the pocket of your backpack before shaking your head with a small smile. 

“No, I’m not,” you replied, walking alongside her to your next class. “I don’t really want to think about it too much, I mean, it’s just a bar of chocolate, right?”

‘The ones I used to receive from him back when we were still in middle school that is,’ you thought with a heavy heart. You clenched your fists by your side, mustering up the energy you have in your system to put on your usual bright smile. “Anyways, what were you saying about Mr Seong earlier?” 

When you said you didn’t want to think about it too much, obviously you were lying and you thought about it way too much all throughout math class till lunch. As you were doing the assignment your teacher gave you, you couldn’t help but remember the kiss you two shared at the party. Your chest fluttered at the seemingly distant memory

You paused, putting your pen down next to your notebook, propping your elbows on the table before rubbing your face in distress, the tips of your fingers coming up to rub your temples with a heavy sigh. ‘God, I need a damn vacation after all this,’ you thought, putting your arms down as you continued on with your work.

‘The tables really have turned, huh?’

You glanced at the small sticky note attached to the chocolate bar which was now hidden in your pencil case. You let out a silent chuckle, flipping your pen in between your fingers as you stare down at your paper. ‘It hurts,’ you thought, taking a small glimpse at your left wrist. The white bandage that wrapped around your wrist peeking out under the fabric of your sweater.

‘It hurt,’ you bit your lip, darting your eyes back at your paper filled with equations. As you started to continue with your work, your mind wandered to the weekend after the party. 

 You remembered waking up early in the comforts of your own bed sheets, still in the clothes you wore the night before. Your headache causes you to groan against your pillows when you felt like vomiting your stomach out. Apparently, Renjun had magically snuck you in your own home in the middle of the night by using the spare key you had in your pocket. 

How he managed to sneak into your house and get into your room and out without waking your parents was a whole mystery to you. But you couldn’t care less when the events of the previous night overwhelmed your thoughts, resulting in you having a mini mental breakdown in your bathroom when you decided to take a shower.

You and Jaemin kissed! You and Jaemin fucking kissed!

What the actual fuck?!

At the time, you couldn’t help but touch your own lips with the tips of your fingers, giggling softly at the fond memory, feeling butterflies swarm your stomach. Collapsing on the mattress of your bed, snuggling against the pillows as you couldn’t hide the giddy feeling spilling from inside of you. But your little giggle session didn’t last long when your mind finally remembered the full events.

You had a mental breakdown- no, you had a whole panic attack in front of your own soulmate. Jaemin just did what any other male protagonist in a cliche romance movie would do, which was kiss their love interest. You are his soulmate after all. They say one of the most comforting things in the world will always be the first kiss you ever shared with your soulmate. 

They say a lot of things, if you think about it.

What if Jaemin knew that and kissed you just to make you feel better? What if he did it out of pure sympathy? Jaemin was someone who would do anything to make someone’s pain go away, even if he had to share the pain to take it away. You sighed at the thought, remembering how he snapped at you at the dinner party. Or did he just kiss you because you appeared too pathetic in front of him?

‘I forgot, he’d gladly do anything for the people he loved. I’ll never be in that category. Not anymore,’ you thought to yourself bitterly as you hugged your pillow to your chest. 

But then again, why did he kiss you? He was the one who initiated the kiss, right?

Right?

‘Stop trying to give yourself hope, unless you want to get hurt again you might as well go back to being a simp’

You snapped out of your thoughts with a click of your tongue, chuckling to yourself. ‘God dammit, y/n, you’re out of the soulmate game now. The universe really said ‘you’re never going to be happy with your soulmate, ever!’ in the most dramatical way possible. You have fallen out of God’s favor a long long time ago.’

You shook your head in disappointment before adverting your eyes back down to finish your paper.

‘You were dreaming too far.’

“Alright class. For those who haven’t finished their work, you can do them at home and give them to my next week,” your teacher announced as he puts his papers in between the pages of his book. The class groaned, the sounds of chairs grinding against the tile floor pierced your hearing as people started packing up their things. 

You rubbed your eyes in distress, putting your paper in between the pages of your textbook, shoving it straight in your bag carelessly and walking out of the classroom with a heavy sigh. Gripping the saddle of your bag with one hand and the chocolate bar in your other as you make your way to the cafeteria. 

As you entered the crowded place, you spotted a few of your friends sitting at a table nearby at the corner of your eye. Sending them a smile and a small wave you turned your head to scan the room in an attempt to find the table Jaemin was sitting at.

You quickly walked to his table, feeling your heartbeat quicken in your chest with every step you take. Jeno was the first one who caught you walking towards their table as Jaemin had his back turned to you. Raising his brow in confusion as you waved at him with a sheepish smile. 

“Jaemin, is that-”

When Jaemin turned around, his eyes widened to see you standing right in front of him that he almost choked on his cookie. “Hey, uh-” you spoke, taking a breath to calm your nerves before placing the chocolate bar right beside him. “I don’t want to be rude or anything but I just want to return this,” you smiled, trying to ignore the eyes of his teammates boring holes into your figure.

“I’ll see you guys around, I guess,” you shrugged, turning around and whipping your phone out to advert your mind as you exited the cafeteria. You knew Jaemin was going to chase after you when you heard the sound of his friends calling his name which caused you to walk faster to the exit, jogging when you finally got out of the cafeteria.

“Y/n!” Jaemin called out, running after you. 

You sighed, stopping in your step before turning to him with an exhausted expression. “What is it, Jaemin?” you asked, exhaustion lacing your tone. You haven’t spoken to him since that night at the party and you’ve been avoiding him like the plague since then. And frankly, you really don’t want to talk to him about it.

“This is yours,” Jaemin said, his breathing hitched as he outstretched his hand towards you to hand you back the chocolate. “No, Jaemin. I really don’t want to,” you shook your head, a frown stretched across your lips. “It’s a present, is it not? You have to accept it,” Jaemin raised his brow at you, attempting to take your hand but you quickly jerked it back to your side.

Jaemin couldn’t help but wince at the small action. “Y/n, you said it yourself once, right? ‘You can’t reject a gift from someone else, that’s rude and unappreciative’” He quoted, causing your eyes to widen slightly. “Jaemin, you know very well I only said that to make you accept my gifts,” you frowned, wincing at how hypocritical you sounded.

But still, he did not just use the same tactic you used back when you were still bugging him. Not when he whined and complained so much to his friends whenever you weren’t around afterwards.

“I still have the right to refuse your gift, Jaemin,” you frowned, slipping your hand in your pockets. He sighed exasperatedly, “fine, can we at least talk? About that night at the party? Please?” he pleaded, sending you his irresistible puppy eyes in an attempt to get you to say yes.

You bit your lip, feeling your heartbeat increase at the action, butterflies swarming your stomach as you feel yourself turn into mush under his eyes. But alas, your mind couldn’t help but have flashbacks to the party. The heavy feeling in your chest that made it hard to breathe. The burning in your wrist that made you want to chop your own arm off. 

Everything that happened between you two was nothing but a mess.

In your eyes, there was nothing else to talk about. It is best if you two go your separate ways, right?

“There’s literally nothing to talk about, Jaemin,” you deadpanned, gripping the saddle of your bag tightly to keep your emotions intact when you feel a lump starting to build up in your throat. “I don’t understand why you want to talk about this so much,” you sighed, shaking your head as you ran a hand through your hair.

“If you have nothing to say, it’s fine. Then just let me talk,” Jaemin sighed, running a hand through his hair in distress. “Just hear me out, okay?” he said in an almost pleading tone, his lips forming a pout as his puppy eyes bore into yours. You took this chance to examine his features.

As creepy as it sounds, you missed seeing his face. He looks tired. So tired. Dark bags under his eyes, his pink lips forming a small pout as he waited for your response. You furrowed your brows, biting the inside of your cheek for letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding back.

“I really don’t have time for this. I just came to give you back your chocolate, “ you lied through your teeth. If you didn’t have time, then why did you decide to give him back the chocolate when you have been avoiding him? Maybe deep down, you just want to see him again? Maybe you just wanted an excuse to talk to him?

You didn’t know yourself. Why were you talking to him knowing full well it’s just going to bring you pain again? 

You gave him a small, weak smile. “I need to go Jaemin. The bell’s about to ring soon and I need to get my notes from Renjun before Chemistry,” you sighed, biting your tongue to keep yourself from saying anything else that would make the atmosphere more tense than it already was. 

“I’ll see you around.”

You missed him, but you also want it to stop hurting. 

A/N: this was a really shitty chapter. But i felt guilty for not posting so here’s like a short ass chapter I wrote in like the four hours of free time I had in the past two days. So forgive me this is rlly bad lmfao. BUT HEY FINALLY A CHAPTER WITH Y/NS POV! yeah back to Jaemin’s pov when the next chapter comes out. My exams should be ending soon so I might or might not post somewhere next week idfk man

ANYWAYS

T A G L I S T : @candiednickles​ @itlittlefangirl​ @cherrym4rk​ @gotoartistprofile @d-nghyck​ @kingjvngins​ @aconeptun​ @chaeshii @lixseu​ @morks-watermelon​ @12am-musings​ @cherrystay​ @lowkeyviv​ @btm-taeyong​ @gothmingguk​ @luvlyjaemin​ @cowward​ @smileyyuta​ @cakelyn @uncovermenow666 @comically-sleep-deprived​ @wtfhaechan​ @xcherrybbyx​ @wishing–butterfly​ @wordsgodeep​ @seeing-dreams​ @sweetmoonlight9​ @chwenchew​ @stuckwithhyuck​ @yunoelea​ @angelrenjunie​ @dae-chan​ @jenseoull​ @marklexleaf​ 

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[mejomonster]

So, I’m reading Star Trek Academy Collision Course (I guess cause I’m in too deep), and in a way it’s such a trip because since William Shatner wrote it, these may well be his character headcanons, the things he based his acting performance on (cause really when acting backstory is a huge piece of making things feel real to you). So like, a list of things he thinks of as character accurate: - that Jim has tarsus iv flashbacks (at least when Jim is younger - 100% that spock is capable of lying, learned how so he could investigate shit and accomplish things, and it’s probably likely he kept that skill for his starfleet officer work later on in life - that spock had long fucking hair at 19, presumably his first year at the academy. Long long hair that covered his ears. Apparently kohlinar wasn’t the first time spock grew his hair out. (Aka my own headcanon spock changed his hair a lot pre-enterprise is confirmed). -that the ACTUAL first time kirk and spock meet, the same kirk and spock in love in tos, is when Jim tries to start a bar fight with spock to cause a distraction, but it fails cause spock was up to shady shit and Suprise the guards were actually after him so they both get arrested and handcuffed together, and then promptly Jim flirts, says “kidding” a lot while joking with spock, then once they’re thrown in the back of a police car they finally tell each other their names. So that’s how your boys leaders of the enterprise dorks in love first met? Fucking troublemakers… Breaking the law… meet in a strip club… While being arrested… Get handcuffed together… Wowza. I bet anything bones would have killed to know that, but also I guess that means kirk and spock met before kirk met bones (as far as shatner is concerned). - kirk flirting with 100% everyone, including police, interrogators, bouncers, waiters, to try to leverage situations/be nice is something that started way before the enterprise captaincy. - kirk breaking the law apparently started well before the hacking of the kobayashi Maru (really miraculous that in tos universe kirk somehow gets awarded for his genius hacking there, vs AOS kirk charged with academic fraud) - kirk thinking kisses/sex automatically imply being in love (not super noteworthy but it sure implies he’s got a romantic skew), also thinking orgies/group affection is equally romantic (aka pansexual polyamorous kirk is probably the headcanon shatner has, or at least that kirk is 100% supportive of anyone polyamorous). - not super noteworthy, but spock feels a lot of emotions then gets mad at himself for feeling it (something that carries into who he is in tos). Also while I might personally read spock as interpretable as bi, pan, or gay, id say so far the book definitely has bits that might imply spock is not very attracted to women. Possibly Not At All. - kirk hates authority (which was true in tos actually, and is just reinforced here). - spock meets kirk, because kirk trips and tries to punch him. And as they’re getting arrested Jim asks for help up, and literally 1 minute into knowing picked-a-fight-with-him kirk, spock reaches out and takes his hand to pull him up. This is right after a scene where an unwanted girl keeps trying to touch spocks hand and he desperately tries to prevent her from doing so. Uh, so again I guess, maybe another point for young spock liking men (and trusting kirk really damn fast in my goddamn opinion, for a guy who tried to fight him???).

-also HOW fucking in love with spock must Jim kirk fucking be? Now obviously, the guys into flirting affectionately at EVERYTHING, and loving anyone in a short term way at least to give them some affection and support even if it won't last (it's what he's doing with the short term gf in this book, random strangers, and something true of everyone he's genuinely liked in tos even a little). But uh, does he jump into a relationship with spock right away??? (I don't actually know since I'm only like 50 pages in). But I know in tos, a full 10-15 years after this books timeframe, Jim is horribly unendingly smitten with spock and taking it slower then a tortoise cause spocks a half Vulcan with insecurities around his own feelings, and that culminates in spock BAILING TO TRY TO PURGE ALL EMOTIONS after the 5 year mission, sending kirk into crippling depression and a permanent bad mood until The Motion Picture happens and they act like really bitter exes until they kiss at the end (and presumably married before TWOK, at which point surely it's widely assumed they're together). But like... Fast into relationships kirk... Just fucking likes spock soooooo much... That he's still interested and slowly trying his luck 15ish years later as they serve on the Enterprise together. Like damn, is it even a surprise that kirk would sacrifice absolutely everything in Search for Spock just to honor spocks fucking memory??? Is it any surprise after loving spock so long, that eventually kirk straight up decides overly that to him spock is more important then the many, then any and everything else in the universe? That boy fell in love sooooo fucking hard he... He had no chance... He was gonna be ride or die for life for spock whether spock ever reciprocated or not... Goddamn Jim is so in love...

[duckverse-imaginations-archived]

Gyro and Fenton for the ship thing

I Have three top ships (otps) from ducktales and this is on of them so I got so excited when I saw this ship in my inbox!

Gyro Gearloose x Fenton Cracksell-Cabrera

•Who is the most affectionate?

Fenton of course.

•Big spoon/Little spoon?

Gyro like control so of course hes the big spoon which Fenton is okay with means he gets to be warm 

•Most common argument?

These two would fight over the best thing to drink first thing in the morning 

•Favorite non-sexual activity?

Likely working in the lab together, even with Fentons clumsiness 

•Who is most likely to carry the other?

Fenton as Gizmoduck always carries Gyro around and tries out side the suite too

•What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Gyro actually really likes the way Fenton styles his hair.

Fenton likes how Gyro looks in glasses 

•What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

When you date a superhero you start having to learn to br a little not selfish 

When you date a close to mad scientist you learn to think a bit differently at times 

•Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Gyro isn't really a nickname guy he still refers to Fenton as intern which fenton takes as a nickname

Fenton of course call Gyro mi amor (and papi) he also adopts dr.Gearlosse as a pet name for him

•Who worries the most?

Fenton always worries over Gyro for everything his diet his sleep schedule if hes gotten enough sun light or interacted with anyone outside the lab in a while 

Gyro wishes he wouldn't so much 

•Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Having started off as gyros intern fentons knows all of gyros usual orders 

•Who tops?

Gyro is a bratty bottom so Fenton tops 

•Who initiates kisses?

I dont see Gyro being open to pda but when they are alone Gyro will initiate the kiss

•Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Fenton will but respects gyros aversion to pda

•Who kisses the hardest?

Fenton is latino you know this boy kisses hard

•Who wakes up first?

Fenton cause chances are gyros been up already 

•Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Gyro 

•Who says I love you first?

Gyro actually said it first though more as a question to himself 

•Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Gyro 

Intern make sure the lab isnt a mess and dont touch anything on my desk. I'll be in late, love you. Seriously dont touch anything! Know what just stay out of the lab till I get there.

•Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Fenton tells his mother right away

•What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Fentons mom worries a but but she warns up to Gyro fast sometimes they both scold Fenton 

Scgrooe just asks they dont let the flirting get in the way of work 

•Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Fenton always tries to dance with Gyro has yet to get him todo so 

•Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Fenton for both 

•Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Fenton uses lines Gyro tends to just give him a look or a responses Fenton dosent expect

Fenton: "Did you fall from haven?" 

Gyro: "are you calling me the devil?"

Fenton: "what no i"

Gyro: "how sweet" 

•Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

GYRO CHANGE MY MIND!

but no seriously hell lean down and whispers things to Fenton either as a way to get him to stop talking or to get his attention 

•Who needs more assurance?

Fenton, Gyro tends to tell him that he wouldnt let him stay around his lab if he didn't think he could somewhat use his mind

•What would be their theme song?

I like me better by Lauv

•Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Fenton would sing the same songs his mom used to sign to him 

•What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Gyro goes and purposes new inventions or just stays in his land enjoying his quite 

Fenton is normally patrolling as Gizmoduck or hanging out with someone 

•one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

That people would assume Gyro dosent actually love Fenton because of his personality 

•one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

that fenton knows Gyro well enough to know he loves him just shows it in a way that others dont understand 

[pokemon-legends-and-legacies]

LoreKeeperShipping! :D

[This content is out of date and no longer canon]

How they first met: Zinnia was actually the first person to find Sukarno after he turned into his human form. She was studying the murals in the Sky Pillar and making sketches of them for a plan to restore the artwork. All of a sudden, she felt the air shift and heard a loud roar, followed by a crash at the top of the tower. Zinnia ran up the stairs as fast as she could, only to find Rayquaza themselves lying in front of the altar. In fear of what possibly could have injured the great deity, Zinnia ran up to the dragon only to find them transform before her eyes into what looked like a member of her own clan. Bewildered, Zinnia had to let logic take the backseat as she moved to place her cloak around the man as he slowly gained consciousness, clearly disoriented. When she found out he didn’t speak League Standard and seemed to think it was centuries ago, she began to get worried again about what possibly could be going on. All the same, she managed to convince him to come with her to a hospital and after they figured out he was, essentially, a time-traveler with superpowers (seeing as all his memories of being a deity were missing) Zinnia was the first one to offer Sukarno a place staying with her (and his) clan in Meteor Falls.Where their first date was: Originally, the two spent a lot of time together as Zinnia took it upon herself to introduce Sukarno to the modern world and everything that had happened since he was last mortal. As such, they traveled across Hoenn together, also hoping to maybe find other former-deities like Sukarno or gain clues as to why this happened in the first place. After their journey ended, however, Sukarno found himself making excuses to ask Zinnia questions about modern lie he already knew the answers to, just to spend time with her, while Zinnia would go out of her way to discuss history and Kaliya clan lore with Sukarno, even if she could find the answers elsewhere. Since neither seemed to be catching on to the other’s feelings, Zinnia’s grandmother just set them up on a date at a restaurant in Fallarbor Town. Needless to say, it went well, as much to the clan elder’s delight, Zinna brought Sukarno back to her home in Meteor Village that night.When they had their first kiss: They had their first kiss on their first date, well, after it at least. Swimming with happiness that Sukarno returned her feelings, Zinnia was excited to move to the next step in their relationship, so she invited him to come home with her instead of returning to his room in the elder’s lodge. When he agreed and they returned to Zinnia’s house, she decided to set the mood by kissing him. Sukarno did not react super well to that, since he grew up in an era where courtship was supposed to be formal and physical affections reserved mainly for after marriage. Zinnia, on her part, felt super bad for rushing him, so they agreed to just hang out for the night instead. They did eventually have a proper kiss about a month later, though.Who cooks: When they first started dating, neither of them were very good cooks, Zinnia mainly knowing the basics and Sukarno knowing none at all. Zinnia’s grandmother tried to give her more detailed lessons since someone in the family needed to know how to cook, but Zinnia just didn’t catch on too well. Sukarno, on the other hand, got his own set of cooking lessons from his future grandmother in law and found out that, not only did he enjoy cooking, he was quite good at it. Nowadays, he’s the one who cooks for the family, since Alya inherited her mother’s cooking skills.Who proposed: Sukarno proposed! Zinnia saw it coming from a mile away though. She knew that her boyfriend wanted to at least try to keep their relationship somewhat traditional (even though he was breaking away from the traditions he was raised with in many other instances), so she let him go through the whole process of asking her grandmother for permission (she drew the line at dowry negotiations though), then formally present her with the engraved gold charm symbolizing their union. The whole Meteor Village had a huge party for the happy couple (dwarfed only by the actual wedding) and while Zinnia was overjoyed at her future, she dearly wished her sister Aster could have been there to celebrate as well.The dominate one: Zinnia. Sukarno makes a good show of trying be the dominant one but it’s Zinnia. She regularly tops. And her husband does like it, even if he complains, because that’s just how he is. All the same, he accepts it just fine since his wife is the ‘higher ranked’ one in their relationship so traditionally she would be the dominant one. Their favorite pastime together: They love to travel! Especially to foreign nations. Zinnia knows she’ll eventually be tied down in Hoenn when she inherits the clan head duties from her grandmother, so she wants to see the world while she has the chance. Sukarno never traveled in the past, so he loves being able to see the world and all the different cultures, people, and pokemon that make it up. They usually forgo public transportation and fly on their dragons (Zinnia’s Salamence and Sukarno’s Flygon), making sure to hit all the important cultural and historical sights along the way. Alya was born while her parents were travelling (which caused a bit of a scandal back home for the heir to not be born in Hoenn), and her parents like to think she inherited her wanderlust from being born ‘on the road’ so to speak.Who kissed who first: Zinnia kissed Sukarno.Who is the flirt: Sukarno, surprisingly enough. He might be a bit on the traditional side, but once he discovers that flirting in public is socially acceptable he takes it upon himself to shower his wife in compliments all the time. Zinnia isn’t really phased by this though, and she’ll flirt right back (which will actually fluster her husband, which she finds hilarious). Who is the romantic: Sukarno, again, since he takes a very traditional approach to romance, doing things like buying jewelry and flowers for his wife (she appreciates the latter a bit more than the former) and generally pampering her whenever he can. He can sometimes go a bit overboard though, in which case Zinnia will tell him to take a break worrying about taking care of her and let her take care of him. This, as expected, flusters him quite a bit. Who wakes up first: Sukarno, usually, since he just doesn’t need as much sleep as a normal person would. He usually tries to go back to sleep so he can wake up with Zinnia though.Who comforts who the most: They both comfort each other quite a lot. Zinnia is still haunted by her sister’s death and the responsibility that suddenly fell on her shoulders in the aftermath, while Sukarno has lived through a civil war, seen family members and friends killed, and essentially thought he was going to die when he ended up deified. Not to mention being displaced in time on top of it all. Sukarno tends to internalize all his issues, just as Zinnia tends to be in denial about things, so often times their communication isn’t very good. All the same, if one does pick up on the other’s distress (and they’ve gotten good at it over the years) they have a wordless agreement to led support when needed.The cuddler: Zinnia tends to be more physically affectionate, mainly since physical affection is more common in the era she grew up in. Sukarno craves physical affection more, but is more hesitant about initiating since that sort of thing wasn’t done in public, or even in private as much, where and when he grew up.The big spoon: As he is the taller one, Sukarno often is the big spoon, but he likes being held by Zinnia as well.