#cause like we always talk about the familial implications but what about the physical familial implications

[odillisea]

Thinking about which brother resembling which parent would have the most angst potential.

Perhaps it would be Sirius looking more like Walburga, growing up and seeing every part of his tormentor in his face and hating it. Or maybe he would be more like Orion, watching himself become more and more like the man who would do nothing but watch, and sometimes add to the pain. More controlled, but no less fearsome. Either way, him making a mistake and hurting his friends and pleading to something, anything out there that he’s not like his parents despite his blood and bones.

But Regulus as well, looking like either of their parents. Staring into a mirror and forcing himself to be proud that he sees the faces of those that hurt him. It means he’s doing a good job. It means he’s becoming more like them, as much as he hates it, and not disappointing the family like his brother Sirius. It means Sirius watching his little brother that he’s worked so hard to protect become more and more like the ones he was protecting him from in the first place.

And then I remember that they’re all cousins and inbred so they all probably look the same anyway. The answer is all of the above.

[intheholler]

Do you have any tips for being more comfortable using your natural accent in front of people? I was bullied for it as a kid and scrubbed my accent away through teenhood. As an adult, I feel like I still have to put on a neutral accent so people at work won't judge me. I told one of my old bosses that I was from Appalachia and he went on about how he'd seen do many documentaries on Appalachia and what good people we were, but also added that "Wow! I never would have known. You don't have an accent at all. You're so well-spoken!" and it felt bad. I think he had good intentions, but it made me feel like a zoo animal. I always see comments on other Appalachian folks' posts about their accents too, and there's always a handful of jerks who have to say something about their intelligence or make an incest or drug addict "joke".

It all hurts a lot and makes me self-conscious, but I don't want to be this way around my friends. Do you know how I can stop letting peoples' ignorance and classism get to me? Worrying about how I pronounce words or if I'm using region-specific slang all the time is so exhausting.

hi there <3 this is a topic near n dear to my heart because i spent so much of my life trying to avoid sounding appalachian, and the last few years of it desperate to sound so aggressively appalachian that yankees can't understand me, lmao.

that is all to say: this is gonna be long as usual.

first: class solidarity, family <3 this stuff really sucks.

what inspired me to push past the discomfort of using my natural accent after a lifetime of getting rid of it was actually along the lines of what you mentioned: people being shocked that i could be from appalachia, and be articulate at the same time. there are so many nasty, hurtful implications there.

i hate to say it, but there's no easy answer to this.

something in me just… snapped one day about ten years back. i started to look inward, and i discovered this overwhelming pride and passion and love for my home that i had denied myself my whole life, out of fear over how it made me look.

i started doing the self-work and digging deeper into that. it wasn't comfortable, but once i embraced appalachia, i wanted to defend her. the best way to do that for me was to be loud. my pride in where im from outweighed the rest.

maybe you should start there, too. look inward, break down your own subconscious biases about yourself and about our home. find out why you have been made to think this way.

work on loving the appalachian parts of yourself. GET. FUCKING. ANGRY. at those who poisoned your mind with this shit, and use that fury to work on dismantling the beliefs they imposed upon you.

because why shouldn't we talk like our mamas just because some asshole thinks its funny? why should we give up ties to our community and culture, just to be respected? why should every blessed conversation be emotionally and physically taxing just to make a classist more comfortable?

it isn't my shame to carry, and it isn't yours. it is their shame, and their self-work to do. it is not our responsibility to coddle their ignorance. that is on them.

now, when someone hears me talk, it causes a sort of dissonance that they then have to wrestle with. it shifts the discomfort and emotional labor away from me, and puts it on to them instead.

every time i speak proudly, they have to confront themselves and their biases, and how it harms someone that they respect--you.

and if they aren't the kind of person empathetic enough to do that, literally who gives a shit what someone like that thinks about you.

turn those 'jokes' they make about it right back on them:

why is drug addiction funny? why is incest and sexual assault of children funny? why are underfunded schools and a failure to give children across the nation a fair and equal education something to laugh about?

framing it in my mind that i was taking back control in conversations this way helped me speak more comfortably. it made me feel empowered.

i think of it like this: by speaking in my dialect and embodying positive and "unexpected" traits from the region (leftist politics, anti-racism, things like that), i reclaim my power. i use that power to slowly shift the opinions of appalachia with the people i interact with.

it was scary, and it's still scary. but by making a conscious decision every day to speak in our dialect and be courageous even when it's hard, we are reclaiming the parts of ourselves that they took from us. we are bettering the image of the region we love so dearly.

it is INCREDIBLY empowering now to settle into my accent. but it took a LOT of self-work, courage and self-respect to be able to do it.

it ain't easy. i do still struggle with it; i catch myself code switching all the time. i don't think you or me or any of us trying to reclaim our accents will ever fully escape the weight of the classism that dictated our manner of speaking for a huge chunk of our lives, unfortunately.

but if you do that difficult work, it is so, so liberating, family.

you can do it. talk to yourself when you're home alone. let the accent get comfortable again on your tongue. start there, then let that beautiful dialect out for the world to hear <3

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Is Malleus not that famous in other countries cause in the Scalding Sands event Najma didn't seem to know who he was, there probably aren't many pictures of him around the internet but with how nervous Jamil was getting its weird it didn't cross her, you'd think he'd be pretty well known being the top 5 strongest mage and heir to the throne in Briar Valley

Well 😅 Najma’s just one person, right? I don’t think her specifically not knowing who Malleus is reflects on the average Twisted Wonderland civilian’s knowledge.

With that in mind, there’s actually many reasons why Najma in particular (and/or some other people) may not recognize Malleus:

People don’t always know political figures or figures of prominence in specific circles, especially if it isn’t of interest or of relevance to them. Think about it. Do you know the names and faces of political figures in countries outside of your own? What about specialists (athletes, artists, scientists) in fields you aren’t involved in? Thinking of it like that, it isn’t at all surprising that Najma, doesn’t recognize royalty from another country or highly ranked magicians (when she isn’t shown to be one herself).

Maybe Malleus just hasn’t been mentioned in Najma’s history class yet. For example, in Glorious Masquerade, we learn that Magic History class does not cover certain materials like the accomplishments of the Just Judge until year 2. Therefore, it’s possible that Najma has not yet learned about the Draconias in school. (Alternatively, it’s also possible that non-magic schools skim over notable mages; this would explain why NRC students specifically take Magic History, which I assume focuses on magic and mages, rather than just “History”.)

With how fae aging works, maybe the history books are just not up to date. There is a noted few hundred years of unexplained time between Malleus’s egg existing and it finally hatching when, in reality, it should have only taken a few years for his egg to hatch. It’s also said in book 7 part 4 that none of the history books speak of what happened to Briar Valley’s monarchs (ie Malleus’s parents), and that “the books at home and at the school library don’t mention anything about the Briar Valley’s history”.

It’s difficult to communicate with the Briar Valley. This is very possible, especially seeing as how the country is said to be lacking in way of technological advancements. (STYX is able to contact them, but they’re a secret organization 😂) This would likely mean that historians would have to physically travel far north to personally document Briar Valley themselves—which may be an arduous task, seeing as mirror travel and warp pads are not widely accessible to the general public. Since the Briar Valley is reclusive and even implied to not be accepting of non-fae, it may be even more challenging to get clearance to visit the country. A lot of their history seems to spread mainly by direct word of mouth (as Silver and Sebek imply in book 7; their father and grandfather, respectively, did not either of them about the Draconia family history or about the several years’ period of war Briar Valley went through).

In the actual Scalding Sands event, the visiting NRC students mention that the locals aren’t panicking about Malleus because the head wrap he’s wearing disguises him. Najma also later mistakes his horns as being decorations or fakes. This can easily be explained by the simple fact that… well, celebrities would wear different clothes in public to “blend in” and people wouldn’t recognize them because no one thinks “hey, I’ll run into a super famous person roaming my local market”. If you don’t pay enough attention to something, you may just overlook it. Attention is selective.

Aaaand of course, we have the good old boring explanation of “it’s for plot convenience, don’t question it” 😂

Personally, I think the “the history books just don’t talk about it” explanation is the most accurate, as there’s actual strong narrative implications of it in the main story; however, it’s possible that the real reason is a combination of all of these.

[keeksandgigz]

a shot in the darkest dark

steve harrington x commitment issues! fem!reader

i fucking love writing angst and this is also my very first steve work! tiny little blurbie for now cause I've been obsessed w Steve and this song

cw: unrequited love, reader has committment issues, one instance of self deprecating language, no physical description of reader, just lots of rly sad stuff

word count: 1.5K

"Awww, Steve, look! It's such a nice desk" you'd said, pointing at an oakwood desk while absentmindedly looking at furniture at a big Indianapolis mall.

Steve seemed to be in his own world, as he paced around the aisles, looking at tables, chairs, patio decor. He'd taken you out of Hawkins for the day, a little date that didn't involve movies or aimlessly walking around the small downtown area.

You hadn't been dating for too long, and to your wishes, he was taking things slow with you. You'd been so lovely to him, though and him to you.

He'd take you out on dates and pay the bill, drive you around when you needed to clear your head and kiss you goodnight at your doorstep. It was too good to be true.

For the past six months, Steve Harrington had been at your beck and call at every hour of every day, eager to see you, be with you, literally do anything as long as it was with you.

His only flaw was falling in love too fast.

"Oh yeah, it's really nice. I can get it for our first apartment" he dug into your side, smiling. The future was all he worried about, his beautiful picket- fence dream that he'd always wanted.

It made you uncomfortable, how easily he was able to talk about moving in together, starting a family, getting married. Your mind didn't work like that. You took a step away from him, an awkward laugh escaping you.

"I need to get a scarf, it's starting to get cold in Hawkins, come with me?" you'd said, swallowing the guilt that came from dismissing his dreams.

You'd thought you could have made it work. Steve was a lovely guy, so devoted to you he'd damn year kiss and worship the ground you walked on. But everything was too good. It wasn't something you thought you deserved.

You'd paid close attention to him, for any flaw that could have given you an excuse to go, but he was too perfect.

"Yeah, uh- of course, honey. Maybe we should come here during Christmas, I heard they do some really nice markets. I could get you something nice" he'd suggested, putting his arm around you. You breathed through your nose.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds nice." You whispered, as you walked over to Sears.

The day went about the same after that. He'd come across a little baby onesie with stars on them.

"Look honey, isn't it so cute?" he smiled. You had to hold back a grimace at his implication.

He looked at the window of a real estate agency, taking account of what a four bedroom home in Idianapolis would cost. Planning to save his money from his shiny new accounting firm job.

"Ooh" he cooed "that house is real nice, don't you think baby?" he pointed at a white picket- fence light blue home with a big front yard.

"Yeah, it's really nice" you said "Steve, I'm kinda tired. Can we go home?" you'd protested, hoping he'd just drop you at your house and you could cry it out, wondering what was wrong with you for not wanting what many girls your age wanted. Stability. A family.

"For sure, honey. Want to stay over at mine's? We can grab a movie and get some pizza or something" he said, kissing your temple.

The fact that he was okay with you taking your time didn't mean that he took his. He was a speeding train running at full speed ahead, while you felt like you were biking behind him, feeling left out from this feeling of love and devotion that he continuously showed you.

"Uh, no, thank you, Steve. I have work in the morning" you lied. You didn't want to see him. The guilt would have only grown stronger, until you could not have taken it anymore.

The drive home was surprisingly quiet. Steve chalked it up to you being tired. He knew crowded places overwhelmed you.

After an hour and a half of complete silence, he pulled up in the street where you lived.

"Oh look, baby, a dog! I've always wanted one like that, maybe we can get one-"

"Steve just fucking stop it!" you'd interrupted him, banging on the dashboard. He braked hard in the middle of the empty street.

"Jesus, babe, what's wrong?" he said "Sorry for braking this hard" as he parked up the curb.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I-I can't do this." you whispered.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I can't do this. This is moving so incredibly fast” you exhaled, letting the boulder weighing on your chest slowly crumble, and you with it. 

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m not sure I understand. Can’t do what?” he said, nearing his head towards yours. Wanting to be close to you, wanting to hear your thoughts. You retracted from him, now heaving.

The air in the car felt so incredibly stuffy as you unfastened your seatbelt and got out, heading towards your front porch. He followed you suit, cursing yourself for wanting to let him go.

You were leading him on with false hopes of a future you didn't want. You needed to free him before it was too late. The crisp November air turned your breaths into vapor, tinging your noses red. He'd forgotten his coat in the car.

"I just- I can't do this. I can't do us. This is... too much. The moving in and the house and the kids and the dog and the family stuff. I can't Steve I don't want this" you rambled. And that's when the waterworks started. Mascara running down your cheeks, loud sobs populating the otherwise quiet cul de sac.

He got closer to you, but you backed away once again. He didn't need to be that close, not when you were trying to let him go.

"Baby... what- I- I had no idea, I just- I" he was helplessly stuttering. Your chest was aching watching his eyes gloss over ever so slightly, you swore you could hear his heart break.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I tried. I tried so incredibly hard to see what you saw and I fucking hate myself for not being able to. You're so great, you've been such a lovely boyfriend and I need you to know, because I don't wanna lead you on. I care so much about you but-"

"You don't love me" he interrupted you. A whisper. Barely audible, but loud enough that you could hear the hurt in his voice "It's been six months. You don't love me?" he continued. A breath caught in your throat as you tried to answer that you did try, you did care for him.

You just didn't love him how he did. You knew you were doomed since you'd started going out.

The world went quiet, but not in your ears, a loud whistle kept you on alert, wishing you could crawl inside and hide under your bed forever.

Steve's eyes became clouded with tears as the silence between you became the loudest response he could have ever gotten.

He didn't want to let you go, but being led on for six months had hurt more than he'd expected. He wanted you to tell him that this was just a silly joke, to come inside, cuddle and watch a movie.

Steve waited. He waited for a negation, for an I love you, Steve. An affirmation that never came as you looked at him. You felt embarrassed and he felt like you'd stabbed him.

He was the first to break the silence.

"So I guess it's over then" he croaked out, a burning ball lodged in his throat that didn't allow him to speak. Or breathe for that matter.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I just- I didn't want to lie to you any longer. Even if I loved you, I'm not good for you. All I'm gonna do is pull you back from this great dream you have. You can't have a picket fence with me, I'll only tear it down. And you can't just put it back up, Steve" you said, taking as many steps back to get away from him. From the guilt of losing him.

"I'll put up as many picket fences as you need. I just want you" he pleaded, one last prayer. Don't go.

"I'm sorry, Steve. Please go home. You're gonna get sick" your voice a thin iron string settled in between your throat. You loved him, but didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him.

And so Steve turned around, grabbing his broken heart off the floor. You watched him from your driveway, quiet, with his head hung low. A love like his should not have gone wasted on someone like you.

Steve reached his car door, looking at you for one last time, eyes watery and dark. Hoping, praying for your thin voice to speak up, to tell him to come back to your driveway. Tell him to stay.

Don't go.

[frogsgrotto]

The Unspoken Social Ostrization of a Restricted Diet

Support for The Difficult One at the dinner party

Folks with dietary restrictions know the feeling of dread sitting at the dinner table for a celebration, holiday, or social gathering. There’s the factual truth that you might have to bring safe food, eat beforehand, or ask the cook a lot of questions. That stuff adds up on its own, trust. However, aside from the logistical inconveniences, there’s the watching eyes of people who have never felt fear or anxiety eating out or eating another cook’s meal. It happens to me almost every time I eat out or go to a gathering, or even just show up at work. Food is a social activity connected to tradition, family, community, and connection. When your relationship with food is strained or unique, you feel it emotionally and socially as well as physically. Let's talk about it. I'll talk a bit about my experiences and how everyone in situations like this can learn to adjust.

Understandably, when it doesn’t affect you, and you don’t have to spend time thinking about it, its hard to understand something unfamiliar. I can’t say I was very conscious of dietary restrictions before I started my elimination diet, even when my own mom was gluten free and encouraging me to do the same. We have genetic problems in our family that were just enough cause for me to try being gluten free. We found out about this when I was pretty young, about 11. My mom has been gluten free since then. I didn’t try until I was about 15-16, and even then it was on and off for a bit before I really stuck to it. I’m 22 now, and have been gluten free among other things for a good few years now. 

Especially as a child, though, I wasn’t very sympathetic to dietary restrictions. I didn’t want my mom or anyone else with allergies to be sick, but I felt a lot of anger and fear about restricting my diet. I didn’t want to learn or think about it because I didn’t want that to be my life. Bread is good, and everyone knows that. I’m older now and I understand why my mom and myself have to have a different diet than other people. It’s hard when you’re in middle school and you feel so sick all the time and the supposed solution involves missing out on fun parts of childhood though. There were cakes and pizzas and cookies and I was supposed to turn them away. I hated the idea of that. A lot of people do- especially kids. A lot of sensitivities can affect your mood, and it’s already hard to understand your big feelings as a kid. It’s important to remember that when dealing with dietary restrictions in kids. I recently spoke to a gluten free mom about how her son didn’t want to be gluten free. He was 12 at the time, the same age I was when the idea was first introduced to me. We talked about those big feelings, and I explained how I wasn’t ready at that age to restrict my diet, and the more people pushed me, the less I wanted to do it. He was in the same position I was in where these food things weren’t killing him, but they were making him sick. I told her about how I came around on my own when I got tired of being sick. I’m not a mother and I don’t claim to have parenting tricks or anything, I just wanted to share my perspective because I understood where that kid was coming from. It doesn’t sound glamorous when people start talking about bringing alternative treats to birthday parties. It was a good conversation that I think of fondly. Part of the connecting experience of food is understanding other people’s perspectives. Many a mother and child relationship are strained by food things, and we should always strive to close the gap. Being a kid and having feelings about food is a whole beast that could be discussed later though. 

My point is I understood at that age what the social implications were of being different, even if I didn’t have the words for it. Yes, I wanted the cupcakes. I also didn’t want to have to say no, explain myself, and be left out of a group experience. Children and adults alike can be upset by this. I think it’s normal, and something that takes some getting used to. 

Things are different for me now. I am gluten, dairy, egg, and soy free (and that’s the paraphrased list I tell people when asked. Theres about 15 more items I can’t eat or can’t eat very often). I was 16 when I was allergy tested, and shortly after that I committed to my new diet. Since doing so, my life has changed in so many ways. I have a lot more good days and less anxiety surrounding eating now, but there’s still hard days.

 I am a very social person, and enjoy going out and connecting with people. Most people do enjoy those things. Now, though, going out to dinner is a task. It’s not necessarily a chore (I still want to be invited to dinner guys) but it means I need to do a few things to ensure I am safe, cared for, and healthy. I try to do all these things without disturbing others, but its hard when most restaurants aren’t accommodating to my allergies. Getting invited somewhere and having follow up questions and restrictions can make people feel controlled, policed, and stifled. I understand it’s not easy for anyone involved. I’ll talk about some of the solutions I have for eating in groups successfully in a bit, but I want to touch more on what goes on with the people around you.

It’s not reasonable to ask people to drastically change their plans to accommodate someone else, generally speaking. I get that. Some people will accommodate, some people won’t. It’s the kind thing in most situations to slightly inconvenience yourself to make someone else feel welcome, and it’s what I believe in. That doesn’t change the fact that some people will never do that. In my teen years especially I experienced so much shyness, embarrassment, and anxiety when I would have to ask for accommodations. I was angry a lot of the time and felt like my family and friends didn’t care how hard it was for me to be involved. To be fair, I had some friends that were less than helpful, but my family and select friends that have stood the test of time have always been helpful and conscious. I know that’s more than a lot of people ever get. My family and friends have made mistakes that made me sick, but with time it becomes much less of a risk. Both parties had a lot to learn, and I navigate my restrictions much better than I used to. 

I am so blessed to have a rich community of people who love me and care to know what I need to be nourished and happy. I’ve spent a long time building this community and I am so grateful. Never forget the people in your life that stop to think of you and your health. There will always be people out there who don’t understand and will not be sensitive or conscious of your safety. I used to hold a lot of anger for those people but I choose to let it go now. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t have to come naturally, but I am much happier focusing on the beautiful people in my life who are dedicated to our relationship and connection. 

Let’s talk about how it can be easier. I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the ways people will make me feel uncomfortable, but it’s important to identify the behavior. If you’re trying to support someone in your life, it’s good to know what to avoid. Most of what I’m about to call out isn’t malicious, and it’s ok if you’ve made mistakes. What’s important is that you’re willing to move on, learn, and be open minded. 

Things to avoid doing when dealing with dietary restriction in a group setting:

Offering unsolicitated advice

“Have you tried this for that? My sister’s coworker had a lot of success with it”

“I read somewhere that that doesn’t work”

You might be in a situation where having a conversation about someone’s condition is appropriate but don’t come out the gates offering advice. When you live in your body usually you can tell what’s going on with it the best.

Emphasizing or gawking at the circumstances

“How do you live like that? I could never do that!”

“Wow what CAN you eat?”

“Oh you poor poor thing”

“I would kill myself/die if I couldn’t eat that!” (Yes, someone has said this to me on more than one occasion)

Generally just making a big deal out of it can make someone feel embarrassed and upset. Sure, you would kill yourself if you couldn’t eat chocolate but this is my life and I’m actively trying to make the best of it. It’s insensitive to say things like that when it’s my every day reality. Do you think I should kill myself? 

Asking invasive questions

“What even happens if you eat that?” 

“Why can’t you eat that?” 

Most people don’t want to talk about violently shitting themselves, throwing up, or migraines at a dinner party. Some people might want to share that but it’s rude to ask.

Brushing off safety information

“Oh, you’ll be fine it only has a little”

“I’m sure it’s fine” or  “”it’s probably okay right?”

“I thought it would be okay just this once”

If someone has brought up a concern, don’t disregard it without saying anything. Always be upfront about the ingredients in something. 

Pushing the topic after being given an explanation or answer

“You can’t eat this? Oh please have this or this or this instead” 

Repeatedly apologizing or asking questions when told no thank you after being  offered something. I can usually tell if I need to not eat anything at an event to be safe, and while I appreciate that people want to find solutions, offering me anything and everything is not the solution when I politely decline something. It’s just tedious and I have to refuse more and more things.

Making it about yourself

“I would die” 

“I would hate that” 

“I could never do that”

This has a lot of overlap in the other bulletpoints, but generally avoid bringing your feelings and thoughts about someone else’s experiences when they didn’t ask. It’s cool to relate to others, but it’s not cool to insert yourself into someone’s narrative. You can think to yourself that you would never want to do that, but again, its my reality and I’m making the best of it. 

That was more than I thought it would be. Every example is something someone has said to me before though in some shape or form. It might seem like a lot, and honestly it kind of is. I’ve had years to compile examples. A lot of people haven’t had to think about life with dietary restrictions, so they don’t know how to be sensitive. That’s okay! What’s not okay is being content with this behavior and continuing when you can learn how to better support others. With a bit of thought it’s not hard to be more conscientious. 

I’ve split up these things to do into two parts. Check it out. There will be a lot of mention of my wonderful best friend and my boyfriend, who are both actively involved in my life and therefore eat with me a lot.

Things you can do as someone with dietary needs to make eating out easier

Know the name of the game

Are you going somewhere with options for you? Find the restaurants menu, ask the host, and prepare for a situation where you might need to fill in the gaps. If you were invited as a plus one, see if the inviter can find out what the situation/menu is

Set your expectations for success. Do not assume there will be something and be disappointed. This leads into my next point;

Be prepared

If you know you will need to, eat before or bring prepared food. Most of this stuff is just the logistics but it can help a social situation go much more smoothly. 

Check the menu at restaurants and plan for any adjustments to item menus and if they will be possible. Call ahead if you have questions for restaurants. I almost always call to see if their fries are gluten-free.

Something I do is make a plan to pick up something afterward if going to a party or dinner where I know there will be no or little accommodation. My boyfriend and I do this often and I will eat a snack at the event, and then we pick something up on the way home

Make a list of safe restaurants and foods to present to a group if asked about accommodations. “Here are a few options that are safe for me if you would consider any of these” 

Be okay with being different

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. My roommate and I eat out together quite often and when we go to pick up food sometimes we just stop at 2 places.

People are always going to misunderstand or judge you. What matters is your health and safety. 

Sometimes people will not want to make accommodations or there will not be any. Take pride in taking care of yourself and respecting your needs. This might even mean leaving a situation, but could just mean accepting the situation and making alternative plans. 

Be prepared to reject

For me, one of the hardest parts of these occasions is saying no. This gets its own bullet point because it’s hard for a lot of people. 

“No thank you, but I appreciate the thought” this is my go-to, because it lets people know I know they thought of me and want to give me a treat or a meal, but that I can’t accept it and it’s okay. It might look more like “I appreciate you thinking of me” as well. 

People might make it hard to say no. I have mildly poisoned myself to avoid saying no but it is not worth it. Respect your body and stick to your guns. It doesn’t hurt anyone to not consume something, but it can hurt you to consume something you shouldn’t. If people don’t understand that it’s not personal, it is not your responsibility to appease them. 

Things you can do to support someone with dietary needs

Ask how you can help

“How can I help?” 

Sometimes, it’s really as simple as that. The answer is often simple. Maybe a different mexican restaurant nearby has better accommodations, maybe you can just stop by a safe restaurant on the way home. It doesn’t have to be a lot of work. People just want to be considered, and just knowing you’re in their corner is helpful. Sometimes the answer is "Thank you, but don't worry about it". Then it might be best not to make a big deal out of it.

Write things down

If someone tells you a list of items or rules they need to follow, just jot it down. It’s very common for people to forget or ask repeatedly and while this is fine for an aquaintence, you can show support to a close friend, partner, or family member by not asking them to repeat themselves. You only have to do this once to have the information forever, so why not? 

Respect boundaries

If someone wants to opt out of eating something or going to an event due to restrictions, strive to understand why. Try imagining yourself in their shoes. Sometimes, you just don’t want to do something. That’s okay. 

Take no for an answer

If you offer someone something and they decline, it’s okay. Your homemade cookies are a very nice thought and if you didn’t know someone couldn’t eat them, that’s okay. There’s no need to apologize, especially repeatedly. For me personally, I prefer when people don’t make a big deal out of the situation. I appreciate when people want to give me things, and I understand why I can’t accept them. It’s nobody’s fault. 

A personal preference of mine is that people do not bake or cook for me. Occasionally my close family, boyfriend, and best friend will, but they have spent a long time working to understand the rules I operate under. I have had a lot of people offer to make things to accommodate me for events and such, but I prefer to make it myself. It’s not personal, I just have a laundry list of needs and I have accidentally been hurt by myself and my family. It’s just a lot of things and I don’t like explaining the intricacies of it when a mistake could still be made or cross-contamination could still happen in an unfamiliar kitchen. No hard feelings!

I think that’s about it for my first post. I’m having a hard day in my body today and I want to reach out to people like me. Please interact I would be happy to chat or answer questions! 

[foster-the-moths]

u have some awesome dreams . give me them👁️ njkhdcjd actually tho of the three i remember u sharing it's interestign that all three involved you being some sort of whimsical creature (i'm counting altsar as a whimsical little beast he's very silly and fun to m e)

WOOO YEAH i love talking about my dreams they are so Strange um putting all of these under the readmore bc. they are so fucked up sometimes SJFLDJFLJSJF these ones are more horror oriented bc those are some of my favorite ones. i am just listing 4 for now, because this post got very long. i can post more of them later maybe. i have a LOT more but these are just semi-recent ones i can access easily.

warning for descriptions of body horror, gore, injury, death, and parasites (big maggot) and images of body horror and parasites.

1: had a dream a was a little victorian boy (like 3 or something) on vacation with my family and we were on a train but oops!!! we got on the demon train by accident. the conductor surgically removed all of the skin off my face, taxidermied it, sewed it back on, and then sent me to a shadow mirror realm for 18 years. i got back to the Real realm and it turns out it had only been 3 years for my family; but they had still all been distorted beyond recognition and made into worse versions of themselves. my father had turned into a weird goat man, my mother resembled a deep sea fish, and i couldn't remember what happened to my sister or brother. they also didn't recognize me because i had aged 18 years. the rest of the dream was me trying to reverse their transformations.

2: had another one in which i was trapped in an extra-dimensional liminal space that changed and grew as i explored it. It had video game physics which is always fun. when i walked there was view-bobbing and my hands were always visible in front of me, like a first person shooter. i could also sprint jump and b-hop and side sprint and stuff like that. there were also small creatures that latched onto me and tried to kill me, but my hands were extremely lethal (they caused instant burning pain to whatever they touched, and if i pressed my hands against a living thing it would 'melt') so i was able to fend them off. this meant i was basically unbeatable, but could still be hurt.

^this is vaguely what i looked like. i could only see my hands but i'm pretty sure the rest of me wasn't 100% human. i'll draw something better later maybe.

3. a more tame one i had recently was i got trapped in a fantasy video game by accident and ended up in a village that used pinecones as currency. so i had to grow pine trees. and then this other guy started growing saplings on MY farm plot and i was PISSED. he showed me his farming techniques though so i let him stay. time passed very quickly, each hour was a new season, so four hours was a 'year'. i did not realize the implications of this until about two weeks (about 80 'years') had passed. the npc villagers started aging and disappearing and the guy who i planted trees with turned to face me and his face was rotting away. he told me i took too long.

4. less tame one. I had a giant maggot parasite that replaced all of my organs and it tried to control me via telepathic mind battle?? but. i won the telepathic mind battle. so now i WAS the maggot. and i was piloting my own body with weird nerve things and instead of organs there was just a giant maggot in my abdomen but i WAS the maggot and i could feel myself inside of myself. it was like if you could feel your organs against the inside of your skin. incredibly unpleasant sensation. i had to hide the fact that i was a maggot because usually the maggot wins the psychic mind battle and kills people so if my doctors found out i had a maggot parasite in me they would kill me.

^diagram of parasite in the body. the red is the 'nerves' used to control the body. the brain of the host and parasite become merged, which is how i 'became' the maggot. the maggot could also like. climb up the throat and peek its head out of the host's mouth to maul people with its fangs.

[jaimesrighthand]

hotd is coming back soon and my desire to reread my favourite asoiaf fanfic is back with a vengeance.

anyways here are the bits of this chapter that make me lose my mind upon rereading (and lots of thinking about our doe):

"Queen Cersei decides who her family is, whether or not her blood commands it so"- i just... theres a reason that one fanart used this as a caption if i recall correctly. doe baby come here im giving a big hug.

"You knew... deep down... but you never wanted to believe it until the truth came roaring back at you in the future."- use of roaring here is iconic, zoomorphism always adds a kick. The thing about this line that drives me crazy is the implications for her relationship with Jaime. We know that she's close to both her uncles and there's a lot of lore with Tyrion (beloved relationship there!), but i have soooo many thoughts about jaime and her. clearly, it seems that cersei didn't push jaime away from leyla as she did his children for cersei reasons which adds another level of lannister craziness to their relationship.

"sweet Uncle Tyrion"- love doe for being the only pov to use that adjective for tyrion.

"ou rode either on your horse gifted to you by your Uncle Jaime or in the wheelhouse with your mother and younger siblings"- see how those two groups are directly contrasted, with doe being the bridgeway of sorts. i need to drink this juicy dynamic like sweetwine.

"Unashamed of standing beside the Kingslayer"- this and the line where he kisses her cheek and helps her down her horse are so fulfilling jaime's young aspirations of that conventional view of knighthood. its like doe is a reflection of the goodness of their character ugh help i cant take this!

"'Princess,' Robb takes your hand and places a gentle kiss over your knuckles, causing your fingers to tingle."- oh our sweet babies have no idea what lays ahead of them teehee

"You’ve been spending far too much time with your Uncle Tyrion if you take Robb Stark’s small talk as an innuendo."- see what happens when you let tyrion of all people parent your child, cersei. tsk tsk tsk. oh the humanity!

“My Uncle Jaime gave her to me. We named her Fawn.”- WE? WE? oh dear the symbolic significance of jaime helping name the horse after the baratheon sigil rather than the lannister one is so dear to me.

"You were always the wedge between your parents"- my poor baby

"the Queen Cersei only smiled with anticipation at you as she brushed her fingers through your hair, the alien motion driving you into shock."-physical affection from her mother being so rare to the point where it elicits a trauma response out of her makes me want to flip a table. oh the tragedy of it all

"Your mother did once.

And how sorely did Father disappoint her. "- robert can be viewed as the fulcrum of her tragedy as a character, but its also haunting how she has parallels to her mother as a character. Then again, that is partially Cersei's fault but thats a next chapter thing.

Black of Hair (Part One)

(Gif not mine)

Request: “Hi! So I had this idea for an imagine/fanfic (whatever you want) in my head where Robert and Cersei have one true born child together (so not Cersei’s and Jaime’s kids, they still exist though) and since Cersei kinda sees her as a threat cause she’s the rightful heir she wants her married off as soon as possible; and Robert and her decide that she has to be married of to Robb and the daughter and Robb fall in love, thank you!💕” from @fuckoffupstairs 

Fandom: Game of Thrones

Ship: Robb Stark x Female!Reader

Tags: black of hair got

Masterlist

Author’s Note: Thank you for this request! Sorry it took so long for me to get to, but once I sat down to write it I just couldn’t stop! My fingers were ready to fall off!

(I do not consent my works to be reposted/copied)

Keep reading

[elsaqueenofstress]

FAR too many people are going "allison has always been EVIL and VILLAINOUS and DESPICABLE!!!!" sorry, you're shaking and screaming because she rumored her way into being famous as an adult?? (sorry that she was girlbossing while your fave umbrellas were flopping at the violin/banished to the moon/stuck in an apocalypse/dead/whatever). you're pissed because her abusive father forced her to rumor her sibling when she was all of five years old?? you're horrified because she began using her rumors for violence.......against vitriolic racists and a bunch of guys who broke into her house to murder her? there are two serious things that people get upset about but even then: you're mad she ~maybe~ rumored her husband (and she is a verrry different character here than in the comics so please think before using that as reasoning) into loving her, and because she rumored her daughter to go to bed?

please be serious and consider why you're so mad at her for her past actions and why every scene of her siblings causing mass destruction and murder was turned into an #iconic "omg they went feral 😍" moment. let's talk being mean to your siblings! let's talk body counts! let's talk immoral and dangerous activities! then let's talk about how all of her brothers have done those things, and tua fans eat it up because they're charming white guys with funny one-liners. female villains are great but writers NEED to consider the implications of having a cast full of male characters for viewers to fawn over ("the himbo energy!!" "the chaotic vibes!!" "the bisexual implications!!" or whatever the fuck) and essentially one female lead, a woman of color, whose suffering is never given the empathy it deserves.

consider how much better the season would have been if we were allowed to recognize allison's pain – that she was the only person alive who knew what her daughter was like, and she'd never be able to see her again – and understand what would drive her to make a deal that reset everything just to bring her back. consider a storyline where her trauma from living in the heavily segregated south, and experiencing verbal and physical assault for her race, hadn't been treated with exactly one brief conversation followed by a barely-shown bar fight that was depicted as a sinister, unhealthy lashing out of a crazy woman in the next episode. consider how we could have been able to empathize with allison AND give her a villain/betrayal arc. compare her season full of being mean and reserved and angry for oh so silly reasons – sorry about your dead people! sorry about your trauma! however it isn't unique enough for us to care about, so please get over it! – with the storylines her siblings got: learning to strengthen your abilities! being the competent backbone of your family while grappling with your mortality! having a crush! going on wacky parental adventures! and so on.

what allison did to luther WAS horrible. haven't seen anyone try and dispute that. the point is that it was included for the sole purpose of confirming to viewers that allison is now (and hey, maybe always has been?) bitter and evil and an inflictor of pain, someone who would dare to hurt her brother, who is goofy and lovestruck and just radiates that precious himbo energy, in the cruelest way possible. it was, at the expense of her growth (growth her brothers receive time and time again), proof that this grieving woman was the villain now, that she was irrational, that she needed to be rooted against completely. and there's no way anyone writing this could have thought it would be comprehended otherwise

[legobiwan]

Tales of the Jedi 1:3 "Choices"

I'M FLIPPING OUT HERE

Just...my gods, there is a lot in this episode

Okay, okay - first of all, I do love Mace and Dooku's interactions here. Mace obviously respects, although doesn't always agree, with Dooku. But! Despite registering his protest to Dooku's so-called "interference," he also doesn't prevent Dooku from carrying out that investigation. The whole breakdown really happens when Mace inadvertently kills that one guard in self defence (I guess you could read it, from Mace's point of view, that this is what happens when the Jedi veer from their directives, from their rules. Innocent lives are lost and I don't think that death rested easy on Mace's conscience. And you could imagine him doubling down on the rules after that incident and inheriting Katri's seat due to the events just prior to that incident. Not to say that this is the entire reason Mace is rule-bound - it's certainly not - but it probably caused him to dig in a little more, especially during his initial tenure as a Council Member.)

ANYWAY, getting back to Dooku.

I thought this line was hilarious and my gods, is this man the teacher of Rael Averross and Qui-gon Jinn, or WHAT?

Can you imagine him saying the EXACT SAME THING to a young Obi-wan? BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN!!!!!!!!!

The line about not getting involved in local political skirmishes without approval from the Council or Senate is fascinating. Just much autonomy do the Jedi have out there? You know Dooku disagrees with this philosophy and thinks the Jedi could do more but being an arm of the Senate - which they absolutely are at this point, involvement in "local politics" could upset the status quo, for both good and ill. Obviously, the death of Katri was something the corrupt Senator did not want investigated and he assumed it wouldn't be as it's probably well-known the Jedi cannot interfere as their own political arm...a philosophy that has two sides in that no, you can't save everyone but at the same time, at what point do you end up being the "lapdogs and enforcers" of the corrupt, rich and powerful?

Alright, I have to spend a moment talking about Dooku: Space Detective because this is 100% a precursor to Obi-wan Kenobi: Space Detective. The way they investigate their physical environments! Ask logical questions! LOOK AT THIS!

This is all to say we need an AU of Dooku and Obi-wan quitting the order to open up a Space Detective Agency because COULD. YOU. IMAGINE??? (And to make one more point, the opening of this episode reminded me a lot of the opening of the Utapau arc. Retrieving a dead Jedi body, a mysterious murder, etc.)

THAT MAKASHI THOUGH LOOK AT THIS MAN GO! THE BEHIND THE BACK DEFLECTION, THE THE RESET TO THE MAAKSHI SALUTE, BEST SABER FORM EVER HE TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE TAUGHT OBI-WAN TO MAKASHI

And also - the absolute control, strength, and focus it must take to do all this ONE-HANDED. With limited acrobatics. (Unlike Mace). INCREDIBLE.

One of the interesting facets of Dooku I feel isn't talked about enough is the fact that he comes from this patrician background. Is Serennian royalty. AND YET, his largest concern is the way in which the Order, to his mind, is abandoning planets and beings to serve the interests of the rich and powerful. Is it because he was forsaken by Serenno, by his family? (Which works both in the EU and Canon backstories). And then he returns to Serenno to claim that title and become one of the rich and the powerful (and yes, to a certain degree, corrupt). It's really a fascinating arc and one I'd like to tease out a little further to really get at all possible implications and motivations.

I also found the statement he made to the Raxxian prisoner that his people shouldn't "evolve" to be a precise and odd choice of wording. Dooku is a man of precision who wields his words as well as his lightsaber. "Evolve" is such an interesting term to use. Is this meant to contrast with the Jedi and the Senate, who have "evolved" so much as to consider themselves above what they came from, to have forgotten their roots and their peoples? That the Jedi are too concerned with philosophicals and not enough with practicals in the way they have "evolved" in the Temple? Their heads being too far up in the clouds, along with the Temple Spire, as it were?

Okay, I have to say, the funeral scene with Ki-Adi was a little funny, only because the minute I saw his comically elongated hood, this immediately popped into my deranged mind:

(Admittedly, I had been thinking of this meme this morning as a way to introduce enharmonic respellings for chromatic modulation in the class I teach. And this is where it all lands me. Ha!)

ANYWAY.

There are a lot of implications in Dooku's question to Mace regarding the timing of his knowledge of his new Council appointment. Is Dooku insinuating Mace was somehow in cahoots with the Senator? No, that would be ridiculous. But what, then? That Mace didn't want to interfere for fear of losing his new seat, or losing face with the Council. More likely.

And there's this line, which ages TERRIBLY in light of everything that happens in TCW.

And I know Filoni's going hard on the Council in this episode, but there is a point to be made - less about the corruption of the Council, but rather its stasis and its inflexibility in the light of a failing pangalactic government. (Even before anything with Palpatine or the War came to fruition). The Council is 1000% guided by politics - they would be independent of the Senate if they weren't. And ego - maybe not Mace, as much, but certainly Yoda (forget the whole Dark Side thing, I'm just thinking of sending Obi-wan alone after Maul when re-emerges due to whisperings from "the Force." If Yoda had actually listened to Mace and sent a task force, how different would things have turned out? At least in that situation).

Okay last point. When Dooku is doing his whole pensive reflection bit at the end of the episode in the Temple, we see these diamond-ish shaped obelisks as part of the Temple decor. It did not escape my attention that Dooku has similarly shaped obelisks on the grounds of his Serenno estate, specifically the area where he trains Savage. I DON'T THINK THAT IS A COINCIDENCE.

Anyway, so far, this series is doing a great job of painting Dooku and his fall as highly nuanced and is actually making valid criticisms of the Jedi - things that definitely helped lead to Palpatine's rise and the outcome of the war. I also like that this version of Dooku seems to be a little closer to his Dark Rendezvous iteration (which is my absolute favorite backstory and a favorite portrayal of older!Dooku. Although Jedi Lost and M&A do a first-rate job showing teacher!Dooku to Rael and Qui-gon).

I think the next episode is the one where Qui-gon is going to show up again and I'm going to lose it when that happens. I also really need to go to sleep so I can wake up for a flight in like, *checks watch and laughs nervously* 4ish hours. Oof.

Anyway, 10/10 LOVE

[wheelercore]

I want. I want to talk about Victor Creel. Because we see a lot of his actions from Henry's perspective, and Henry being only 12 at the time I think it clouds a lot of what he says about him. Also I love making shit up about minor characters.

Henry viewed Victor as naive and a bit clueless and maybe stupid. Understandable, as Henry might have a lot of anger for him due to him never seeing Virginia's abuse of Henry. Never seeing Virginia as the "true" demon of the house instead opting to put the blame on a abstract concept of a demon haunting their home. A parent who overlooks or genuinely does not see the abuse the other parent is perpetuating upon their child in their own home is an of itself a form of horrible neglect.

There is also this righteous anger in Henry for Victor also because of his actions in the past, particularly during his service in the military which is shown as a baby burning in it's cradle- but I'm sure Victor has seen much more horrible horrible things during the war and subsequently feels massive guilt for.

Henry over the course of the season showed people the sides of themselves that they actively hid, holding a mirror to them. Victor was actively hiding this part of him, the part that is riddled with guilt and trauma for the things he saw and did during the war. I've seen this discussed before, but there seems to be this heavy implication that Victor has PTSD.

Victor's actions seemed to be naive and clueless from Henry's standpoint because Henry, being 12 and this being the 50s, has very little concept of post traumatic stress disorder. Hell, in s2 Owns mentions PTSD specifically in reference to Will saying that theyre just now learning more about it almost decades after WW2 when Victor served. Hopper mentions some of his war buddies who suffer from similar symptoms, in reference to Vietnam, and in s4 Hopper speaks more about his experiences surrounding the war and it's effects on him + how that bled into his family life (this being a bit more physical rather than mental with the death of his daughter).

I think that moment for Hopper was an intentional mirror to Victor. It's using a physical ailment (his exposure to whatever chemical it was that got carried in him caused his daughter to get sick) as an allegory for Victor's mental ailment that he carried with him from the war to his family. Hoppers daughter that got sick is a mirror to the effect Victor's emotional neglect and blindness towards Virginia's abuse had on Henry.

Victor was emotionay withdrawn, most likely dealing with his own issues and not connecting with Henry. Most likely overworking himself as a negative coping tactic and therefore never being home enough to witness Virginia's abuse of Henry, or being too tired when he got home to notice. Avoiding people, including friends and family, is also another symptom of PTSD to avoid stressors- and also again could contribute to Victor being oblivious to Henry's issues.

But what I think is the biggest indicator? We know it was Henry all along, and it was real, but the way Victor speaks about the "demon" that he is convinced was haunting his home. How he can feel it, how it's always around him, always there haunting him and his family. He couldn't tell it was Henry (or anything going on that was related to Henry), because he was consumed by this idea of a foreign malevolent being in every nick and cranny. Him constantly being on guard, and it sounds frankly like paranoia.

When we get that shot of Victor sitting out on the porch with a shotgun in his hand, despite the fact that the "demon" is inside the house and Victor believes this. At night, when he should be sleeping or getting ready for bed, he's outside watching out for other forces that could harm his family- most likely because the events inside the house were triggering his PTSD and now he saw dangers inside and out of his home. Or, just as bad, this was something he did regularly regardless of whether he was convinced he was being haunted or not.

But I think it's overlooked a lot because Victor does not display, at least not from what we've seen, "stereotypical" symptoms of PTSD in media (ie often harmful). Especially with how afflicted veterans are often portrayed in media. It's subtle and Victor is portrayed as this clueless, naive, and even a bit pathetic man to the point where Henry himself believed it because that's how Victor portrayed himself as his way of toeing the line of conformity.

And we know st loves to play with perspectives and how characters are portrayed.

[wicked-mind]

I'm Broken, Too.

Summary: Steve goes back in time to put the infinity stones back where they belong in time. Although he doesn’t return, leaving his twin sister Y/N and best friend Bucky behind.

Word Count: 3.5

Warnings: Implications of smut. Spoilers if you haven’t seen all the movies or series.

Notes: I may add onto this later. Who knows? Not beta’d. Just quickly wrote this so any/all mistakes and confusions are my own.

All Writings Masterlist

*gifs not mine

Flash-Back

“Bucky! What if someone catches us?” Y/N giggled out breathlessly from behind one of the cargo trucks, kisses being trailed down her neck as she tilts her head backwards. It had been a few days since Steve and herself came and rescued Bucky from the prisoner camp and she was ecstatic to have Bucky back in her grasp.

“If you stay quiet then they won’t, sweetheart.” Bucky chuckles out against her neck as he left soft kisses. It had started to rain, soaking his short brown hair and clothes as well as Y/N. His hands trailed down to her waist, hoisting her up so her legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed her back up against the side of the truck. They were each other’s little secret. Kept from everybody, even Steve. Granted it was a lot harder to sneak around a military base than it was in Brooklyn but that didn’t stop them from stealing little moments together, “Not too quiet though…” He pulled back and grinned at her, moving one hand to stroke her cheek before his thumb gently traces her bottom lip, pulling it down slightly, “I like the sounds those pretty lips make for me.”

Y/N smiles at him, running her fingers through his dark hair and tilts her head at him, “Sergeant Barnes, I am not having sex with you in the middle of a military camp in the rain! Especially at the military camp where my brother is lurking around somewhere.” She chuckles to him, leaning forward and kissing his lips softly, “I’m still a lady.”

Bucky grins at her, licking his bottom lip before pulling it between his teeth for a soft bite and a wrinkle of his nose, “You keep calling me Sergeant Barnes and I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you, sweetheart.”

If Steve Rogers was the shield, his twin sister Y/N was the sword. She had taken the super serum with Steve- it was the only way she would allow her brother to go through the tests plus the scientists were curious about how it would affect twins. While Steve became Captain America with his shield, Y/N became Lady Patriot with dual blades. Together they rescued their friend Bucky from a prisoner camp and created the Howling Cammandos. It was extremely controversial to have a woman fighting in the war but she didn’t let anybody stand in her way. While Steve was more gentle and refined, Y/N was wild and head-strong. She never let anybody, let alone a man with high ranks, stand in her way. Steve had to stop her physically from going and looking for Bucky’s body after he fell from the train and after that, Y/N sacrificed herself with Steve when he put the jet in the ocean with the tesseract.

After Steve and Y/N found out Bucky was alive, they did everything in their power to try and protect him. Figure out what happened and how he became the Winter Soldier. He had recognized Y/N first before Steve but he was not the same man that had stared into her eyes as he fell from the train in the Alps.

Y/N stood beside Steve and the Avengers during the events with Thanos, her heart breaking for a second time when she watched Bucky turn into dust before she could reach him. This was the third time she had lost him. The first time was when he became a prisoner of war, second time when he fell from the train, and third time when he was blipped away from existence. But what remained of the Avengers never gave up. She helped them go back in time to collect the stones and was there when Thanos came back from the past to exterminate them again. Though this time didn’t go like the first time they fought Thanos five years ago. They won, bringing everybody back, and all that was left for Steve to return the stones to their proper time.

“Wait Buck, we gotta talk.”

“You’re not coming back are you?”

“No. It’s Peggy, Buck... this is my chance.”

Bucky just nods in understanding.

“Do me a favor though. Take care of Y/N. She isn’t going to handle this well.”

“You don’t even need to ask, Steve. I got her.”

Y/N stood beside Bruce, helping him set up the technology that would send her twin brother back in time to place all the infinity stones in time where they belonged. She looked over to see Steve and Bucky talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying even with her amplified hearing. She smiled as they approached, passing the brief case to her brother, “Remember, you have to return the stones to exactly where they were taken from or you’re going to open up a lot of nasty alternate realities.”

Steve smiled gently at his sister, taking the brief case that contained the stones from her, “Don’t worry, Y/N. I got it. Clip all the branches.” He told her before stepping onto the platform with the brief case in one hand and Mjolnir in the other.

“Ready?” Bruce asks, standing beside Y/N at the table to activate the technology that would allow Steve to go back in time to return the stones.

“You bet.” Steve said, taking one last look at Bucky and Sam before looking to his sister. He gave another small smile before his helmet clicked around his head.

Y/N tilted her head slightly at his smile. It seemed almost sad which made a bubble of worry enter her stomach, “Okay… Going quantum in three… two… one.” She watched Bruce hit the button and Steve disappear from the platform.

“And returning in five… four… three… two… one.” Bruce said and clicked the switch that would bring Steve back. The two paused when he didn’t return, looking over the screens and tech.

“What happened?!” Y/N asks Bruce, “Bring him back, now!”

Sam was about to interject to tell Bruce what Y/N had already told him but Bucky placed a hand on his shoulder, “Sam.” He said, looking over to a figure in the distance of a grey haired man sitting on the bench. Bucky watched Sam approach the elderly man that Bucky already knew was Steve.

Y/N looked up to see what Bucky and Sam were looking at and then she saw Steve. But it wasn’t the Steve she knew. He was older and sitting quietly on a bench alone. She took in a deep, sharp breath realizing what her twin brother had done. He had stayed back in time to be with Peggy. She shook her head, stepping away from Bruce about to make her way over to her brother to chew him out when Bucky grabbed onto her wrist, pulling her to a stop, “Let me go, Bucky!” She hissed out at him.

Bucky watched her with a tinge of sadness in his eyes, “Y/N, stop. He needs to talk to Sam first.” He said gently, his eyes scanning her face. He had known her since the day he brought Steve home the first time after getting beat up. They served in the Howlin’ Cammandos together and she had watched him fall from the train. She was there when he was the Winter Soldier. He had dragged her and Steve from the river after stopping the Helicarrier’s launch. She was there when Civil War happened between the avengers, helping to protect him from Tony while trying to take out the other Winter Soldiers. Y/N had stayed with him in Wakanda, helping him find some sort of peace before he was blipped out of existence by Thanos and she was there waiting when he returned. She had always been a constant in his life. Y/N was his home since the first time he kissed her and, god, he longed for that feeling again but didn’t feel worthy of it anymore.

Y/N turned to glare at Bucky, pulling her wrist out of his grasp, “You knew.” She said, “You knew he was going to do this, didn’t you?”

Bucky sighs and nods slowly, “I did… He told me. He deserves this, sweetheart.” He said softly, reaching out to brush his flesh fingers along her cheek softly. It had been five years since he last saw her before he was snapped away by Thanos and he still felt everything for her.

Y/N looked over at her now elderly brother before back to Bucky, pushing his hand away from her face, “You two have always been quite the pair, James.” She spat out at him before pushing past him. She could hear him calling her name, telling her to wait but she just kept walking.

That was the one of the last times Bucky had seen Y/N as she was. He couldn’t go after her yet though- he had his own shit to work out from his past as the Winter Soldier. He was offered a deal by the federal government where he would be pardoned for the actions as the Winter Soldier as long as he attended court-mandated therapy and psych-evaluations. He couldn’t go after her until he had dealt with all this bullshit. Then the Flag Smashers came to light, causing him and Sam to jump into action to deal with the new super soldiers.

The next time Bucky saw Y/N was in Madripoor at the Princess Bar. He was forced by Zemo to pretend to be the Winter Soldier and couldn’t let down his act. He saw her in the corner watching with her angry eyes locked on Zemo, ready to attack him. Luckily, Sam had noticed her too and got in her path, “Hey, Y/N, don’t.” Sam warned, placing his hands on her arms to get between the fight that Bucky was putting on, “We need Zemo. There’s shit going on you don’t know about. The Flag Smashers and new super-soldiers.”

Y/N glared at Sam, pushing him away from her, “Get off of me.” She hissed out at him before promptly exiting the bar. She had noticed Bucky give her a softened look from the corner of his eyes as he had a man slammed against the bar but even after all this time she was still upset at her brother for leaving her and Bucky for not telling her.

After everything with the Flag Smashers was settled and Sam took the new roll as Captain America, Bucky attended the community cookout with Sam’s family and friends. It was the only place besides Wakanda he felt peace. He play fought with AJ and Cass while balancing the cake he brought. It was the first time in a long time he had actually felt at peace, happy. But there was still something missing and he knew exactly what it was- Y/N. After the cookout, Bucky stood with Sam and watched the sun go down. Bucky looked at Sam with a half smile.

“You’re going to go after her, aren’t you?” Sam asks knowingly. He always had a sort os sixth sense when it came to reading people.

Bucky nodded, “I have to.” He replied with the same half-smile, “I promised Steve I would take care of her. Now that everything is right again, I have to find her.”

Sam placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “I think we both know that it’s about more than just a promise to Steve. Let me know if you need help. A lot of people think of her a deserter after she disappeared but you two will always have a place here.” He said with a smile before returning to be with his sister and nephews.

It took Bucky a long time to find clues of Y/N’s whereabouts. Even with Sharon pardoned and trying to help, she informed him Y/N had left Madripoor after her interaction with Sam. The last trace of her was somewhere in Alaska so that was where he went. He held up pictures of her face, asking if anybody had seen her. He eventually got lucky when an old lady smiled and said, “Oh, that’s Y/N! She lived here in Fairbanks for a few months but said she was moving to Selawik.” And with that information, Bucky made his way to Selawik. He wasn’t lead right to Y/N though. Selawik was a small town that had people scattered deep into the mountains. Bucky trekked through the arctic and eventually found traces of Y/N from katana marks on tree trunks as if she had still been training and using them for targets. When he came to a small cabin where loud 80’s rock music was blasting from, he knew he had found her. He started up the steps when a katana came flying from behind him and stuck into the wooden door. He looked at the katana, recognizing the colors of the handle immediately and turning to see Y/N standing behind him with her other katana in her hand, “Y/N.”

Y/N tilted her head at him, her features emotionless from under her hood. She walks up and pulls her katana from the door beside him, “What are you doing here, James?” She asks in a harsh tone before opening the door and walking into the cabin.

Bucky follows her, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I’ve been looking for you.” He said simply, watching as she went to turn the music off leaving them in silence. He watched her place her katanas on a table before she pulled off her jacket and snow pants, leaving her in blue jeans with a black sweater. He couldn’t lie- her calling him James after Tony’s funeral and now hurt his heart. She always called him Bucky so affectionately since he had introduced himself to her.

After stripping her layers, Y/N turned to look at Bucky, “I know.” She replied, “I saw everything with the Flag Smashers. You and Sam did good. Steve would be proud of the new Captain America. And he would be proud of you.”

Bucky nodded, slowly shimming off his own layers and placed them beside her’s leaving him in black jeans with a light blue long sleeved shirt, “Yeah… Thanks.” He muttered back before meeting her gaze, “What you saw in Madripoor… We needed Zemo’s help. He’s back in prison now.”

“Six feet under would’ve been better.” Y/N replied, folding her arms across her chest as she watched Bucky, “So what are you doing here now? Shouldn’t you be enjoying life as a hero? A new man?”

Bucky frowned a little at her words, “I promised Steve I would help you. I don’t break my promises. I think he kind of caught on about us…” He replied, crossing the space between them and placing his right hand on her arm, “You can come back to Louisiana with me. You would love it there.”

Y/N scanned her eyes across his features. Dammit. He still looked as good as he did the day she met him just a little more aged with those bits of brokenness behind his features, “He already knew about us. After you fell from the train I told him everything.” She informed before sighing at his request, “Is that what you want? Someone to play house with?”

Bucky dropped his hand from her arm and backed away a little at her words, running his fingers through his dark hair with a huff. Of course that’s what he wanted. He had always wanted her. He didn’t want this life for them. He wanted to come back from the military and settle down with Y/N, ask Steve if he could marry her but everything was so different now. They both weren’t the same people they were in the forties, “Look, I know we aren’t the same people we were before and I understand that you don’t care for me the same way anymore, but I still feel everything for you. And I promised Steve I would help you… So if you do end up in need of any help, I’ll be with Sam and whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” He told her before turning to shrug his jacket back on.

Y/N sighs and looks around her cabin slowly, “You can’t leave. There’s a storm rolling in and you won’t make it two miles before you’re frozen.” She said, walking over to the kitchen and pulling out two beers, holding one out to him, “Might as well stay here until it dies down.”

Bucky watched her move to the couch before putting his jacket back where it was and taking the beer from her, “Thank you.” He said, opening the bottle and taking a seat at the small kitchen table she had.

Y/N sat across from him at the table, opening her own beer and taking a small sip before placing in in front of her on the table, “You’re wrong, you know?” She asks, watching as Bucky gave her a confused look, “I still care about you in the same way. It’s just everything we’ve been through,” She looks down to the table, “It’s different. I watched you fall from the train thinking you had died. Then decades later you come back not as yourself. I was there in Wakanda with you, helping you get back pieces of you and I still loved you. But then you were gone again because of the snap. I lost you again.” She shook her head slightly, looking up at the ceiling, “Then everything with Steve…”

Bucky listened to her, staring at her intently. His hand gripped the beer bottle roughly at her saying she still felt the same way towards him, “I know… You and I have been through more than anybody should have to.” He said before swallowing hard, “Steve loved you, Y/N. It was what he wanted. He deserved to live a life more than just trading a different war for another.”

“What about what I deserve? Or you?” Y/N asks, looking over at him. There was pain in her eyes and she wrinkled her nose as if to stop herself from crying, “I would’ve gone back with him if he asked but instead he left us here to figure the world out on our own, to figure out who we are when we aren’t not trying to save the world and I don’t know who that is, Bucky.”

Bucky nods, knowing the feeling all too well. They were lost in time, stuck in the present where neither felt like they belonged. Being thrown into situations where they had to save others instead of saving themselves, “I know how you feel.” He replied, looking at his beer bottle in his hands, “Sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore. Even with the Winter Soldier gone it’s like somewhere inside me… He’s still there.” He sighs before looking across the table at the girl he still loved and has never stopped loving, “The only time I feel like myself… The only time I feel like I’m Bucky is when I’m with you. You knew me as I was, who I was and when I look at you it feels like you’re my only hope of getting back to myself.”

Y/N listened to him, biting her bottom lip as she kept her gaze on him for a moment. The way those blue eyes looked at her, even if they were saddened, were the same blue eyes that were filled with love towards her. She sighs and stood up from the table, moving over to the fireplace that was crackling with a large flame, “I’m not the same person though.” She said softly, knowing he would hear her with his enhanced hearing, “I’m not the same girl. I'm not the girl that would jump into your arms and leave kisses all over your face, Bucky. I’m broken too.”

Bucky watched her move across the room as if to retreat from her feelings. The way she had stared into his eyes… He knew she still loved him just as much as he still loved her. He stood, crossing the room over to stand beside her. He gently took her hand in his, looking down at her as she turned her face to look up at him, “You’re not the same girl. And I’m not the same man. But you are still the person I love.” He told her, turning his body to face her’s and gently moved his other hand to sweep some hair from her face before gently pressing his lips to her forehead, “We can be broken together.”

__________________________________________________________

Permanent Taglist: @buckypops @stcrryslibrary @bibliophilewednesday @redhairedfeistynerd

[kiame-sama]

Bunny- Yandere!Adult-Trio x Chubby!Gentle!Reader (Lemon)

Another part of Bunny for you, my darlings~!

Warnings; self judgement, comfort, harem style relationship, dub-con, virginity loss, Adult-trio doesn't like sharing, Illumi is awkward and blunt, use of nickname (Bunny), detailed lemon, sub reader, dom trio, overstimulation, oral, vaginal, anal, masturbation.

You sat on your comfortable couch, two of your three boyfriends sitting on either side of you. Hisoka was not among the two though he would be joining the group soon as the three typically did not leave your side for very long. They were getting along better than they had before you agreed to date them, so the four of you could live in semi-harmony together.

It was clear you were the primary reason the three got along together. Though, you were also the main reason the three would fight with each other.

Your attention was a coveted thing and you vaguely considered some kind of point system just to keep track of how much time you have spent with the three. Each one of your boyfriends have developed a rather extensive web of who shows you affection when and how. Naturally, they still tend to have a back and forth dominance fight whenever you nap on one or cuddle with one.

You were still fairly innocent to the more intimate parts of a relationship and the fact that you have the three partners where most have only one. Hisoka made no bones about his desire to be more intimate with you, even being a bit more overbearing when it came to his forward behavior. Chrollo was not as intense as Hisoka, but he also has been letting his eyes linger for a bit too long on certain areas of your body. Illumi, though not at all versed in the ways of intimacy, also began showing more blantantly provocative and affectionate behavior.

They also seemed to come up with a more intense craving for your affection, often giving you random gifts or food. Hisoka was particularly interested in giving you food gifts, usually wanting to hand-feed you the food he got for you. Chrollo usually gave you expensive gifts to spoil you and mainly got you comfort items like blankets or pillows. Illumi was surprisingly the most physically affectionate of the three, often wanting to hold you or carry you as often as he could.

The three refused to let you sleep in your bed alone and took to a rather unique way they could all have their hands on you in some way while sleeping. Usually you would sleep on top of one with the other two at either side of your body, arms laying across your torso. Basically it gave you a living blanket comprised of the three men.

It took more than a bit of time to adjust to having three significant others that were extremely possesive of you. It was also a rather quick adjustment to having almost constant physical contact with at least one person. They were eager to get as close to you emotionally as they could and they often made remarks that made it clear they had no intention of going anywhere.

You wondered what they would do further into the relationship, seeing as you couldn't imagine any of the three men willingly leaving you.

"We're getting married."

The sudden remark from Illumi made you turn to look at him in surprise, eyebrows raised. He was always the most blunt out of the three, but the sudden declaration even caught Chrollo off guard. You both stared at an unbothered Illumi with questioning expressions, his unblinking eyes staying locked on you.

"When- when did you decide this?"

"The moment we started our relationship. You were mine from then on."

Before you could respond, you felt a pair of hands lifting you up and pulling you back onto a rather comfortable lap. Chrollo wrapped his arms around you, holding you close with a clear challenging stare to Illumi.

"She's mine too."

"I had planned on having both you and Hisoka dead by now. Likely should have hired my father and grandfather to get rid of you both, but I would prefer to kill you myself."

You couldn't help but slowly blink your eyes as your brain attempted to catch up with the rather aggressive and threatening words Illumi used. Chrollo was far less perturbed by the unveiled threat from Illumi, instead he just stared back at the assassin. You were surprised when a slight smirk pulled at Chrollo's lips.

"And you would risk losing her just to get rid of Hisoka and I?"

"I wouldn't lose her. I'd have her to myself."

"You would intentionally upset (y/n) by doing that and you know it. You'd lose her the moment you killed one of us."

"..."

"Are you willing to risk it?"

"... No."

Before Chrollo could continue poking at Illumi and taunting him, your door swung lazily open. Hisoka waltzed into the room with a confident stride, immediately taking note of the tension between his two companions. He had a grin that meant trouble and you were well aware of the mayhem he could and would cause.

"Is it the wrong time to ask a question?"

Clearly Illumi and Chrollo were acutely aware of the sudden shift in atmosphere with Hisoka's arrival. They both waited in silence as Hisoka gave you a 'come-here' motion, his grin never leaving. Chrollo hesitantly let you get up from his lap, curious as to what Hisoka was planning to do.

You felt your nerves sizzle slightly as you cautiously approached Hisoka, knowing whatever trick he had up his sleeve would lead to a dominance squabble. When you got within arm's reach, he pulled you close and kissed you roughly. Though you vaguely expected him to do something like this, it still didn't stop your surprised gasp as you gave him a perfect opening to slide his tongue between your lips.

He held the back of your head with one hand so you wouldn't be able to pull away from the surprise show of affection. His other arm reaching for something, which he lifted up as soon as he broke the intense kiss. Sitting in his hand was a rather lovely ring with all four solitaire suits in gems.

For a moment, it seemed like a rather out of place thing for Hisoka to do, but then again, he was the most spoiling of the three. Leave it to the most eccentric of your boyfriends to do something like this, especially in front of the other two.

Honestly, you had expected none of them to even give a damn about things like marriage. It seemed like such a small and domestic thing that was far too 'normal' for the likes of them, but apparently this was not the case. You could understand it with Illumi, his family expected him to marry and carry on the bloodline in a rather traditional sense. With Hisoka and Chrollo though, you figured they were not interested in things like marriage or professions of love.

"I already proposed to her, Hisoka. Back off."

"She hasn't said 'no' yet, so I don't think so."

Given the increasing tension in the room, you wanted to try and calm things down as soon as possible. You only hoped that they would accept your answer and not try to fight each other immediately. It wasn't hard to figure out your next course of action in this odd tangle you found yourself in, since you knew when you first agreed to date them that there was no chance of you leaving them.

"Since we already are in a poly-relationship, it would make more sense to marry all three of you instead of just one, right?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...?"

The three men stared at you in silence at your suggestion, as if they themselves hadn't considered the continuation of the harem style relationship. That and it kept the three from killing one another, so you didn't choose favorites.

"... If it means I stay with you, then I'll accept it for now."

Unsurprisingly, Illumi was first to plainly state his thoughts on the matter. He was blunt and had little to no social graces, so he gave little concern as to stating his thoughts out loud. Where he lacked emotion, his brutal honesty was refreshing.

"Guess there's no choice then. Looks like we have to keep sharing her."

"So it seems. But, we need to decide an even division of her time so we all get some evenings alone with her."

You almost smiled at them actually agreeing on something so quickly before you remembered Chrollo's words. Though they seemed innocent enough, you felt heat rush to your cheeks at the implications behind his words. You knew they were already holding themselves back from ravaging you no matter how excited they got, but now there was little reason to continue to deny them other than your nerves surrounding the situation.

Make no bones about it, you knew how such things worked and how to have sex, but you never really had the confidence or interest in it to actually use that knowledge. You also knew that they would likely expect some more intimate moments or situations with you, given their change in status as fiancés instead. Your thoughts being confirmed as you slowly backed away when all three turned to look at you with gleaming eyes.

"Aww, don't be scared, Bunny~ I promise you'll enjoy it too♠"

A shiver ran down your spine and you noticed the odd feeling in the back of your mind telling you to run. Much like a prey animal in a group of predators, you suddenly felt a kind of weight from their stares.

"What Hisoka means," Chrollo started with a sideways glance at the red-haired man, "is that you don't need to shy away from us. If you're uncomfortable with something, you're free to stop us or ask we slow down."

"We?"

"Wouldn't it only be fair that the three of us are present for her first time?"

Your cheeks burned an even warmer red as you listened to the two casually discuss something that had you exceedingly flustered. They couldn't possibly be talking about that very moment, could they? Surely they were joking.

"Wait, you mean right now?"

"Why not? I am certain Illumi wants you to meet his family and I wish for you to eventually meet the other Spiders. We three don't often remain together or in just one place. Now may be the only time we have together as a group for a while. As much as I would like to keep your first time to myself, I doubt these two would let me."

"But... Why right now?"

"... (Y/n), we're not going to judge you."

"Don't lie to me..."

"I'm not lying. (Y/n), you have no idea how beautiful you truly are."

"..."

You looked away from him, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively and trying to not look at them. Given the way society viewed women- especially heavier women- you were terrified of what they would think. You had stretch marks on your soft body and you hated them beyond belief. You were hesitant because you didn't want to disappoint them.

Given your hate towards the marks on your body, you worried they would hate them just as much as you, if not more. It was then Illumi spoke up, his tone flat and his face expressionless.

"Your scars aren't an issue, we've already seen you naked."

"What? When!?"

"Any time you-"

He was suddenly muffled by an irritated Hisoka covering his mouth, leaving the sentence unfinished while Chrollo sighed. Illumi clearly saw nothing wrong with what he had been saying where the other two were intent on keeping him quiet. You, however, faintly worried about what he said.

They had seen you without clothes and completely vulnerable. But that also meant they still were rather intently pursuing you even after witnessing your stretch-marks and other scars. It both flustered and comforted you in a way you couldn't describe, upset they had been spying on you but happy they viewed you in a different way from how you viewed yourself.

"Regardless, now would be a time better than any. It is unlikely we will remain capable of sharing you like this for very long, let alone when the next time we are together would be."

"... I don't know..."

You were still hesitant, but you knew Chrollo was right. They barely got along as it was and it would be unfair to the other two if you chose just one of them for your first time. You were also marrying them, after all...

You sighed, biting your lip nervously before turning to your room, silently walking into it without a response to the three. Naturally, they followed you and watched closely as you sat down on your plush bed. Curling up slightly, you finally looked at them, cheeks burning with a deep blush.

"W-well? Hurry up before I- before I change my mind..."

You couldn't keep the stress out of your voice as you slightly tripped up on your words, trying to keep your tone steady. It was clear that you didn't need to tell them twice as the three quickly joined you on the bed. The thunderous sound of your heart beating wildly in your chest seemed all the more intense as you watched them shed their extra clothing.

They were all rather wonderfully sculpted which only made you feel more insecure about your figure, starting to slightly panic. The more time you had to panic, the more stressed you became and the less certain you felt. Illumi was first to move, pressing his lips hungrily against your own.

"Just because we agreed to let you go first doesn't mean you get to hog her."

Hisoka growled out in irritation, wanting to just pounce and rip your obscuring clothes from your body. Illumi gave an annoyed glance at Hisoka before moving to sit behind you, pulling you onto his lap. His lips ghosted across your neck as you let out a soft mewl, shivering from his touch.

"But, if we're staking claims, I want her mouth~"

You felt a shiver run down your spine as the red-haired man licked his lips, staring intensely at you from the end of the bed.

"Hisoka, she's not a piece of meat to carve up and claim. Besides, can't you see you're frightening her? It is her first time, after all."

"How sweet, our Bunny is soft and innocent. All the more reason to stake a claim on her."

A soft mewl left your lips as Illumi trailled a hand up and under your shirt, gently groping at your bra covered chest. The movement drew the attention of the other two men who were now watching you hungrily, their eyes following every movement Illumi's hands made. Hisoka was next to approach, slowly pulling off your shirt with a grin.

He quickly unhooked your bra, tossing it carelessly over his shoulder. You didn't have time to react to his bold move before his hands were on you, one soft breast cupped by his hand and the peak of the other in his mouth. The sensation made you arch your back, pressing back into illumi and mewling loudly.

Chrollo was next as he approached from your side, turning your head to lock your lips in a deep kiss, easily sliding his tongue into your mouth.

You were so lost in the feelings running through you, you didn't notice Illumi's hand sliding down into your pants, cupping your heat with slightly cold fingers. The sensation had you moaning softly against Chrollo's lips to which he only smirked and continued to dominate your mouth. Hisoka let his mouth pop off of your swollen breasts and started working on sliding off your pants, kissing your stomach gently.

The blush that took over your face was just so cute to Chrollo that he couldn't resist squeezing your breasts just to make you squeal and whine. His lips were insistent but he mercifully pulled away to let you catch your breath, watching you whine and lean your head back against Illumi's shoulder. He was quick to join Hisoka in sliding off your pants and underwear, lustfully watching Illumi's fingers rub over your wet slit.

"Illumi, hold open her legs."

"Why?"

"Because I want a taste."

Illumi hesitantly pulled his hand away from your heat and gripped your thighs, leaving you panting as you let out a whine from the loss of friction. You didn't have to wait long before a hot tongue was sliding through your soft folds. Chrollo slowly lapping at your sensitive pussy with long strokes of his tongue, humming in pleasure.

"Ngh-! Ah~! Chrollo- Mmm- feels so good..!"

You were gasping at this point, back arched and head tilted back as you let out breathless moans, lightly gripping at his soft and fluffy hair. His eyes flicked up for a moment to watch you before closing as he doubled his efforts, sliding his tongue inside of you. The yelping moan that left your lips was downright sinful and only served to turn the three men on more than they already were.

Hisoka growled at the lack of contact with you before he slightly raised one of your legs, ducking his head down to join Chrollo's and practically forcing the other male to give him space. Both were now sliding their tongues against your soft pussy, not caring when they came in contact with each other. Both were completely determined to get as much from you as they possibly could, cheeks pressed against each other as they worked you over. Their fingers fighting to slide into you and stretch you out properly.

You were already on cloud nine at that point and each of their delicious movements only enhanced that feeling. Illumi dutifully held your legs up and open for his companions, busying himself with sucking countless marks onto your neck. You could feel something firm pressing against your soft ass since you were still sitting on his lap, the sensation sending shivers down your spine.

"Ah-! It's too- too much! I can't- I can't take it anymore!"

Despite your mewls and whines for mercy, they continued their almost savage actions. A burning desire was building up inside of you, like a pressure what was coiling itself tighter and tighter. You were almost drooling at that point, each movement and caress of their mouths pushing you further towards that climbing bliss.

Just when that pleasured coil seemed to become so tight it was almost painful, it snapped, flooding your body with euphoria. Your voice rose several octaves as the pleasure coursed through you. Your vision went black for a moment, leaving you reeling in that pleasure which scrambled your thoughts.

When you finally came down from your high, you were still lightly panting, groaning in residual pleasure.

"Seems you enjoyed that quite a bit."

"Didn't expect to already be making you squirt for us~♠"

You whined softly, finally getting yourself under control after the mind-numbing bliss you endured. Hisoka was licking his soaked lips, Chrollo seeming equally pleased as he licked his fingers. Illumi was quick to turn you on his lap so you were facing him, legs on either side of his body.

He locked his lips with yours and slightly bucked his hips, rubbing his cloth covered cock against your folds. You moaned softly at this before finding yourself splayed out on your back, Illumi hovering over you while easily pulling off his restrictive underwear. You squeaked in slight fear at the sudden intensity the situation took on, feeling your nerves rise up again.

Hisoka was quick to rip open an odd little square package and toss the contents to Illumi, fixing the assassin with a firm stare. Illumi seemed completely disinterested in whatever Hisoka had given him, but a meaningful glance from Chrollo made him comply. He growled and moved to slide the item down over his extremely erect cock, covering it with a neon green condom.

"Illumi, gentle."

Hisoka had a warning in his tone and gripped both of your wrists, pinning them to the bed above your head. You were completely helpless in your current position, looking up at Illumi as he slowly slid his length through your soft folds. After a moment of doing that, he lined himself up against your entrance, slowly pushing his large cock inside of you.

You whined and squirmed on the bed, feeling a burn from the uncomfortable stretch of your body accommodating for the large cock pushing into you. You gasped and whined the further he sunk into you, clenching your eyes shut as you tried to relax. Halfway in he paused, feeling your soft barrier in his way, preventing him from sinking deeper into you.

The only hesitated a moment before suddenly thrusting his hips forward, sliding into you the rest of the way. The sudden action paired with the tearing of your fragile hymen made you scream out in a cry of pain. Hisoka kept your wrists pinned down as your body spasmed and arched, his golden eyes glaring at Illumi.

"Damn it, Illumi! I said gentle!"

"I am being gentle."

Chrollo sighed and gently kissed your forehead, running his hands soothingly over your skin in an attempt to calm you. As the pain faded to a dull burn, you were able to relax a bit more, Chrollo's light touch doing wonders for your stressed mind.

Illumi watched you closely, slowly beginning to move his hips to test how you would respond. When you didn't let out another cry of pain, his slow pace picked up speed and he settled on a simple rhythm to move his hips to. The faint burn was still there, but another feeling was starting to bubble up from inside of you.

It felt similar to how you felt earlier with both Chrollo and Hisoka licking your soft pussy, but this time it seemed more intense than before. As the sensation rose, you began to let out soft noises of pleasure that increased in volume each time. The louder you got, the more intense Illumi's thrusting became.

Eventually he was practically jackhammering into you, his blank eyes never once leaving your cute expression. He hardly made a sound as he pounded into you, where as you were moaning loudly and arching your back. The hard cock inside of you only seemed to become firmer with every noise you made.

Hisoka still held your wrists to the bed, but he busied himself with sucking rather harshly on one of your bouncing breasts. Chrollo did the same to the other, one hand sliding down your front to rub your clit in time with Illumi's thrusts. You mewled and whined loudly, wanting to run your fingers through Illumi's hair or to grip at the hair of either men that sucked harshly on your sensitive breasts.

Pinned as you were, you found it almost torturous to not be able to grip something to keep yourself grounded, but the bliss flooding your mind kept you occupied. Your loud moans clearly excited the men as they relished in the sound and watched you shake in bliss. Illumi had yet to blink or do much other than pound you harshly into the bed, his breathing slightly uneven.

The bed creaked and groaned loudly from the force Illumi was using, sounding like it was nearly at its breaking point. Each push and drag of his large cock inside of you sent continuous shots of dopamine into your brain, scrambling your thoughts completely. Just when it felt like you couldn't breathe from the overwhelming pleasure, that intense pressure in your abdomen broke and washed over you with liquid euphoria.

Your screaming moan dragged on far longer than you had expected as Illumi continued pounding into you before coming to a sudden halt. He let out a low hum of content and finally closed his eyes to bask in the feeling of your tight walls drawing every last drop of cum from his slowly softening cock. Hisoka released your wrists, pulling away from your breast with a pop of his lips.

Chrollo similarly withdrew his hand, letting your soft breast go to give you time to come down from your high. You were panting heavily with hitching breaths as you tried to calm your frantic heart, that had been drumming wildly in your chest. You felt light-headed and numb, barely noticing Illumi slowly pulling out of you and gently setting your legs down.

As your heart settled to a steady rolling beat, you were vaguely aware of your body being rolled over and hips being propped up. You gained enough energy to glance back, seeing Chrollo rubbing your hips slowly before sliding on his own condom, this one being a neon purple. A vague desire to laugh at the color coordination of the condoms bubbled up in you, but the most you managed was a light huff of amusement.

A soft grip on your shoulders drew your attention forward again as Hisoka lifted your front, setting you down gently on his lap while he made himself comfortable on his knees. He wore a neon pink condom and was looking down at you lustfully, running his fingers across your cheek.

"Ready to go again, Bunny?"

You hummed out your response of vague confirmation, watching him grip his bright pink cock with one hand, lifting your chin with the other.

"Good. Now, open wide~♣"

You let your jaw drop open, knowing where he wanted to put that large and intimidating cock in you. With a slow lick of his lips, he slid himself into your warm mouth, letting out a heavy moan of pleasure. His head was tilted back and his eyes were closed, fingers lightly gripping and moving your head.

You truly had to do nothing other than let him move your head in short up and down motions. He seemed quite content to just fuck himself into your mouth, sliding up against your tongue.  For a moment, you forgot about Chrollo before a cold gel met your tight ass-hole, slowly sliding around the soft skin.

Your cry of surprise and vague refusal was muffled by the large cock in your mouth, though the tone of your voice was clear. Certainly, you hadn't expected any of this to begin with, but you never would have expected all of your holes to be used by one of the three men. Chrollo gently shushed you, rubbing your hips in slow soothing circles.

"Shh... It's alright. I'll be gentle with you, and if it hurts too much, I'll stop. Okay?"

You whined again, causing a heavy moan to escape Hisoka from the vibration your voice caused. Taking the sound you made as confirmation, Chrollo started to slowly slide into you, the generous amount of lube he had used helping him ease into you more easily. You let out distressed and whimpering noises, feeling your internal stress getting the better of you as you dug your nails into Hisoka's thighs.

Chrollo stayed completely still once he was fully seated inside of you, his hands still rubbing over the soft skin of your hips. You were thankful for the moment to compose yourself and once your breathing calmed, Chrollo began to move. You let out a squeal from the return of the painful sensation, slightly shaking your head.

"It's okay. It won't hurt for long. It's okay."

You doubted his words, but found yourself rather surprised when the pain of the intrusion soothed into an odd pleasure. Each slow push and pull in your body pressing against several nerves you didn't know you had, bringing with it a faint pleasure that began to slowly build. You slowly withdrew your nails from Hisoka's thighs, no longer in any pain.

Hisoka was still moving your head up and down on his large cock, unabashed moans rumbling from his chest. Each time Chrollo thrust into you moved your mouth around Hisoka, only making the red-head croon out more moans. He clearly took great pleasure in having your lips wrapped around him and your hot tongue sliding against his needy cock.

You began to hear low moans from Chrollo, who had begun to thrust in a faster and harder pace. Both men moving in surprising unison as one of Chrollo's hands came down to rapidly rub your soaked pussy. Illumi, who had been recollecting himself from his intense orgasm now sat, sliding his hand around his cock that had once again hardened.

He was clearly enjoying the sight of you getting pounded into by both men quite a bit, his empty eyes never once leaving you as he thrust up into his fist. The sight of Illumi pleasuring himself to your helpless form sparked pleasure in your mind, working in tandem with the pleasure of Chrollo's equally large cock inside of you. The three began moving at an almost frantic pace as they chased their highs, taking pleasure in your soft body.

Chrollo was rapidly rubbing your weeping clit and you could feel your pleasure rising up again. The wonderful bliss was nearly engulfing you completely, your nerves practically shot as each movement only pulled you closer to your release. Then, as if by some unknown cue, all four of you reached your orgasms, their deep moans harmonizing with your own muffled cry as you almost blacked out from the overwhelming pleasure of it all.

When you finally returned to your senses, you realized that the three were laying around you as they usually did. One under you and one on either side of you, all three touching your skin in some way. You almost felt glad that you would be splitting up your time, since you didn't know if you could repeat the intense rounds of sex on the weekly basis, let alone do it daily.

A relaxed sense of peace hummed through your mind as you let yourself drift off to sleep, all three of your protective and possessive fiancés keeping you safe.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 4

Will

Cult girl attends her grandmother's funeral and is approached with a highly unorthodox last will and testament.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: emotional manipulation and abuse, verbal abuse, death, slight emetophobia, body-shaming, ED mention, pregnancy and family planning

There was no use recounting anything from the leading up to the funeral. You spent that first night wine-drunk, munching on foie gras, watching Arrested Development and diagnosing each character to the best of your psychological abilities. You remembered cry-laughing at the same jokes you had memorized, and reminiscing on all the insane shit your own personal Lucille Bluth pulled on you. That was the highlight of the week. It was all downhill from there. 

Firstly, you were sick. That Sunday, you wrote it off as a hangover. Then, the hangover returned with a vengeance, just to add salt to the already open wound of having to pretend to mourn your abusive grandmother. At least the physical pain would give your acting an air of sincerity, you thought. 

Hannibal dressed in a solid black tux: it was almost uncanny to see him outside of any of his normal checkered suits. You selected a plain black dress and a strand of pearls.

The funeral was to be held at the same country club Anna’s wedding was held. Your grandmother was like a pharaoh, insisting that the empire she built know that even in death, she reigned supreme. The country club was her pyramid. 

Anna asked if you wanted to say a few words. As much as you wanted to get up and tell all her country club friends about the time she reported you as an abducted child at age twenty-two when you refused to leave your boyfriend and move back in with her, you knew that it wasn’t in good taste. You racked your brain for any story that could be considered remotely funeral-appropriate, but none came to mind. 

You spent the entire funeral trying not to roll your eyes too obviously at the stories of abuse her country club friends somehow remembered fondly. Your soul just left your body throughout the entire process and you were unsure if it would ever return. 

All things considered, it could have gone much worse. Then, it did. 

The beginning of the end was when your grandmother’s estate lawyer pulled you and Anna aside to conduct the reading of the will. He showed you to a side room, then excused himself before closing the door behind him. 

“Hello, [F/N].” Liam greeted, trying to cut through the awkward silence that came with first seeing each other after four straight years. “I’m very sorry about your gran. She was a great woman.” 

You gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thanks, Lee. I appreciate it.” 

“No she doesn’t.” Anna muttered. “And it’s Liam.” 

“I don’t mind ‘Lee’.” Liam contested. “My mum called me Lee. I actually quite like it.” 

Anna was in one of her ‘I’m so upset, please ask me why’ moods. She sat on one of the heavy armchairs with her legs crossed and eyes to the wall. You weren’t going to bite. 

Liam wasn’t so cautious. “Princess, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” She pouted, not even dignifying her husband with a look. “I just think it’s interesting that I put the funeral together all by myself and someone couldn’t even be bothered to speak.” 

You shot Liam a look that said ‘way to go, jackass’. 

“Yeah,” You said, sitting down in an adjacent armchair. “That must suck.” 

Anna glared at you. “You really have nothing to say? Really?” 

You tensed up. “Let’s see, which charming anecdote would you have me tell? How about that time when she made you wear a fat suit for an hour after you complained about how the low-carb ice cream tasted like chemicals?” 

Liam looked in shock at his wife. “Did she really?” 

“Once.” Anna confessed, holding up one finger. 

You turned to Liam, as if you were sharing some hot gossip. “That was all it took to give her an eating disorder when she was thirteen.” 

Hannibal was just a fly on the wall. Anna noticed his lack of reaction. 

“And I bet Hannibal knows all about this, huh?” Anna said, throwing her hand in his direction. “Because he just needs to hear all of our private family business, right?” 

You stood up from your seat. “First of all, I take offense at the implication that my fiancée isn’t family.” 

An evil smile spread on Anna’s face. “But he wasn’t always your fiancé, was he, [F/N]?” 

“Holy shit, you cracked the code.” You said, flatly. “There was a point in time when Hannibal and I weren’t an item. Real shocker, that one.” 

“You know what I mean.” She sneered, then approached Hannibal. “Dr. Lecter, is it true that before you and [F/N] became romantically involved, you were her therapist?” 

Liam looked scandalized. Hannibal was just as put-together as always. 

“That is true.” He said, feeling no shame whatsoever. 

Anna turned back to you. “Now don’t you think that’s just a smidge unethical? For a therapist to date their much younger patient?” 

You narrowed your eyes. You carried yourself with the lightness of a woman who finally had the moral high ground. “So you want to talk about what’s ethical, huh? I suppose that means you’ve told Liam about pineapple.”

All the blood drained from her face. You crossed your arms and held your head up a little higher. 

“That’s what I thought.” You grinned. 

“Look, could we just pretend to be a normal, functioning family for ten minutes?” Anna pleaded, as if there were anyone other than herself to blame for provoking an argument.

“That’s on you two.” Liam, rightfully, pointed out. He gestured to himself and then to Hannibal. “Neither of us have said anything.” 

The estate lawyer must have gotten his juris doctorate alongside a master's in impeccable fucking timing, because that was when he decided to make his entrance.

"I'm sorry for the wait, everyone." He announced. "And I'm sorry for having to pull you aside in your hour of mourning. Usually the last will and testament is handled through email to the beneficiaries, but your grandmother was quite adamant it be approached this way."

"That definitely sounds like her." You said, exchanging glances with Hannibal. You'd talked about this for what felt like hours the week prior. She was going to pull some last-minute bullshit to humiliate you from beyond the grave. Give all the inheritance to Anna and leave a snide comment about you in a legal document. You knew it was coming. All you could hope was for it to be quick.

The lawyer pulled an envelope from his briefcase. "She specifically asked for her two living grandchildren and their significant others to be present."

"Did she say it like that?" Anna raised an eyebrow. "Or was it more like, 'Anna and her husband, and [F/N] and her therapist'?"

"Mrs. Young," Hannibal said, taking your hand. "Until you tell your husband about pineapple, you aren't allowed to judge us."

Anna glared at you. "What the hell? He knows, too?!"

"Yeah." You answered. "I tell him everything."

"Okay, who or what is pineapple?" Liam interjected. "And why do I get the feeling I'm the only one not in the know, here?"

"That's cause you are." You confirmed. "And you have your lovely wife to thank for that."

"Everyone!" The lawyer called out. Clearly, he'd seen his share of dysfunctional families. "Please, let me just read the will and you can continue arguing afterwards."

"Y'know what? Fair enough." You said, crossing your legs. "Let's rip off this band-aid, shall we?"

The lawyer opened the envelope and produced a single page. He cleared his throat.

"I, Beatrice [L/N], being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath all my worldly possessions-" He began reading the long first sentence. "Including but not limited to, a collective sum of $45 million, the family home and my shares of the country club, to the first of my granddaughters to give birth."

You expected nothing. You expected something. But you never could have expected this.

"Can you please read that last part again?" You asked, unsure if what you heard was the result of a stroke.

"The entire inheritance goes to the first one of you to have a baby." The lawyer clarified, trying to make it sound like a reasonable arrangement.

"That makes sense." Anna said, nodding.

You looked at her, dumbfounded. "How in the fuck on fire does that make sense to you?"

"Well, the money would be going to a good cause." She rationalized. "To raise the baby, right?"

You shook your head. "No, this is insane. Grandma has always had this weird obsession with bloodlines, and now she's trying to incentivize us to carry it out."

"What happens if neither of us can, y'know?" Anna asked.

The lawyer pushed his glasses up his nose. "If neither granddaughter is willing to produce a child, the entire inheritance will go to the Eagle Forum, so my ungrateful grandchildren can learn about family values."

"She hated the Eagle Forum!" Anna objected. "She wouldn't dare."

"She absolutely would." You pressed your fingers into your forehead. "That's upper-class white moderates for you. And she doesn't have to be around to see when they name a fucking wing after her."

"The Beatrice [L/N] center for denying women bodily autonomy." Hannibal said. "It's quite fitting."

"[F/N], we can't let that happen." Anna pleaded. "We can't let Eagle Forum get a penny of that money."

"Why the hell not?" You said. Though on principle, you agreed, you knew this was just another one of your grandmother's power grabs. At the end of the day, she chose to leave her money to the Eagle Forum. And it would be her name on that check, not yours.

"Oh my god, you actually hate babies more than you hate conservatives." Anna stood with her mouth agape.

"Don't put words in my mouth." You snapped. "I don't hate babies. I hate grandma for trying to threaten me into having one. I hate grandma for pinning us against each other and making sure it stays that way."

"What do you have against giving me a little niece or nephew, huh?" Anna folded her arms.

"I'm fucking done." You said, throwing up your hands. "This will be the last you ever see of me."

Of course, that's what you said the last time.

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

as threatened, here’s a deleted scene from the fëanorian tauriel bullet point ramble monster i just finished. i wanted to work this one in somehow, but it didn’t really gel with the main flow of the narrative, such as it was. it’s more an expansion of a concept i briefly touched near the end of that, namely:

the hellfamily break into dwarf valhalla

the inciting incident for this whole caper is tauriel wanting to talk to kíli again, yes, but it quickly gains the additional motivations of ‘it sounds impossible so obviously we have to try’ and ‘it would piss off the valar.’ they make plans. they build devices. they... hit a few snags

it’s way easier to break into a place when you actually know where it is. or if it even exists on your plane of reality: is it a physical location, an aspect of aulë (or whoever?) what kind of place is it? what happens there? is there even a dwarf afterlife, the scanty information they do have implies dwarves at least sometimes get reincarnated, how does that work??? suffice to say, they have a lot more questions than answers

this would all go much easier if we had a guy on the inside, someone (probably amras) eventually says. they could get us intel, maybe help open the gates or blast through the wall from the other side. metaphorically, like

someone else (probably amrod) points out that they’d still need to get the guy inside, meaning they have to know where it is in the first place, meaning they’re back at square one. then everyone actually thinks through the implications of that, and then -

legolas: are you seriously asking if you can murder my partner

caranthir: temporarily, it’s in the contract that we’ll use the data they collect and transmit to release them as fast as is practical

caranthir: it’s exceedingly unlikely we’ll do the murder ourselves, for the record. the valar watch us too closely, it would endanger the whole operation. and anyway i wasn’t talking to you

legolas: great, cause i’m gonna need the time to call the fucking police -

gimli: wait

(here’s the thing about gimli: they no longer give the slightest hint of a fuck. they’re supposed to be dead now, buried under the mountain and flown away to the halls of their ancestors, another cog in the great dwarven machine. instead they’re living it up in the land of the gods, seeing all kinds of impossible shit on a daily basis, existing in a place they were never meant to be. the world keeps turning, they have very little to lose, and there’s always something new and crazy to witness)

(or assist in, as the case may be. tauriel’s mad scientist family’s latest shenanigans sound like too much of a legendary disaster not to help along. there’s still one thing they’re concerned about though)

gimli: do you expect me to come back to a body that’s already been killed? i don’t fancy going around with a slit throat, dripping blood all over my beard

caranthir: naturally we will perform the necessary repairs. failing that, we could provide a mechanical alternative-

gimli: i’ll do it

legolas: what

gimli: i wanna be a robot

[vickyvicarious]

parker for the HC ask game :)

Headcanon A: realistic

Parker finds it really easy to subsume herself into a state of calm focus specifically for stealing things. If she ever feels overwhelmed emotionally or just generally overstimulated, she can put her attention to stealing something and sink into a state where all those things just get set aside for a while. She needs to focus completely on her plan, after all, and the routine of scoping out security, figuring a route in, or even just the physical bodily control needed to sneak past everyone undetected and so on, is fully absorbing. If the issue is a physical one then it's often over by the time she is done stealing whatever (or, depending on the situation, just sitting very still running all the mental simulations and stuff while tuning out the world around her); if it's emotional that's rarely the case, but sometimes it feels less immediate and devastating. Used to be she would just wait until she was completely alone afterwards to then either attempt to process/let it out or just keep setting things aside. But since meeting Leverage and especially Hardison and Sophie, Parker is a lot better at either not needing to do that in the first place (particularly with regards to avoiding things that cause sensory or social overstimulation), or actually dealing with or talking through what's bothering her if it's emotional. Sometimes when she is really upset she still copes best this way but for the most part she spends more time on happy thievery or take-down-the-bad-guys thievery these days and far less on self-soothing thievery.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

I really like the idea of Parker revenge pranking people, but in really really weird ways that don't necessarily even register as pranks at any point. Like, Eliot and Hardison troll her about time travel or aliens or whatever. So she gets back at them by slowly shifting Hardison's gaming set-up over the course of two years so that he's now sitting in a spot where the sun reflects off the TV screen and messes him up and he complains out loud about who ever thought this was a good spot for it, and gets into an argument with Eliot about him doing this, etc. Meanwhile Parker is just sitting there quietly smirking to herself like "haha pranked you back." Or she takes tips from Sophie to condition Eliot to always buy some amount of chocolate every single time he buys groceries, or befriends Nana and then breaks into Hardison's childhood home to build a little collection of old things from when he was a kid and then forge a note in his third grade hand-writing about hidden treasure to hide in his desk and then bury the box of stuff in the backyard, so that if he ever finds it he'll wonder what exactly he was thinking back then. That sort of stuff. It always is a long-term plan and always works but no one else connects it to the inciting incident at all, and maybe not even to Parker ever. However, she has great fun with it.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Parker was so so SO excited when Archie accepted her as his daughter. She showed it off all over the place that whole episode. But I think he never actually admitted that he was a thief and so on to his biological family. He left the implication that Parker was either his mentee for unspecified get-her-off-the-streets reasons or that she was his child from an affair or whatever. I imagine his wife is dead by now and he only has the one daughter we briefly saw and her grandchildren as living relatives, so it's fairly easy for him to just not answer her questions. She's welcoming to Parker despite being deeply confused, but the contrast between the way he is still hiding how he treated Parker and her own feeling of obligations not to admit to anything he hasn't so as not to "out" him, vs. Archie's daughter's welcoming her and being genuinely interested in her wellbeing and story is... striking. Obviously she might not have been so mature and eager to get to know Parker as a child, but emotionally that doesn't really help the feeling that if Archie had truly taken her in maybe she could have found a way to belong, even if not fully. But then again, she still feels like she has to hide so much about herself around the daughter, and it's just... a big tangled mess of emotions, every time. A lot of good, but also a lot of bad that slowly shifts more and more to being kind of upset with Archie in a way she never knew how to be, before. As a result, they drift apart a lot and Parker has unlocked new kinds of family angst as a result. She can never hate him but sometimes she resents him a lot now. And doing so always always hurts her, and feels like a betrayal, not something she can ever say out loud to anyone, but she can't stop thinking it to herself and is somewhat aware that this isn't being unfair to Archie so much as it is being fair to herself - but again, she so much prefers to just love him and be happy that he loves her so she hates this. I also think her relationship with the daughter is a somewhat awkward relationship vaguely reminiscent to Alice+Peggy, where Parker still feels like she's kind of playing a role rather than truly being herself, but also genuinely values the connection a lot. Daughter is actually pretty good at not asking too many questions (she picks up on the tension and realizes she'd need those answers from Archie first) and enjoys Parker being around and being an aunt to her kids sometimes, and has invited her over for holidays and stuff before, but it's still always kind of weird and a little painful for them both.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Gonna go for the big lazy one here, which I don't consider unrealistic actually: Parker, Hardison, and Eliot hooked up in DC that one time. Well, it was mostly emotional and some mild making out. But then afterwards Eliot kinda freaked out and distanced himself for a few episodes, while Parker and Hardison waited him out. This kinda came to a head in the aftermath of the Toy Job and yes, Parker did try to utilize the Baby Joy-Rage or whatever it's called for that conversation with Eliot. They all got together after that, so they were newly together in the original show finale and have been since then.

.

send me a character and I'll answer with 4 headcanons

[kirinda-ondo]

You know him, you either love or hate him (or are moderately confused by my sudden dive into this hyperfixation); we're talking about Orko because I have a lot of feelings.

As a disclaimer, I am not gonna claim to be some kind of superfan. I am not aware of every single iteration of the lore and all of its secrets. I don't know anything about the DC comics. I'm only halfway through the 2002 series as of me writing this. I am not someone you want to have discussions on the wider Masters of the Universe.... universe with. However, after watching Revelation, the entire Filmation He-Man (and some of She-Ra, cause he was there too), and going on a deep dive of storybooks, annuals, and minicomics courtesy of He-Man.org and the lovely people who submitted their scans there, I do feel pretty qualified to at least talk about Orko.

So, with all that being said, I'd like to get into a little bit of backstory, if only for my followers who came to this blog for completely different things and are wondering where the hell my love for this funky little wizard dude came from all of a sudden. Truth is, Orko is actually one of my earliest faves! Mind you, I only had limited access to Masters of the Universe as a kid, only seeing a couple of rented VHS tapes and later getting my hands on a small pile of the Golden Books from Goodwill, but apparently it was enough for Orko to  imprint himself into my brain. However, also due to my limited exposure, he kind of got shifted to the back of my head as I got deeper into other things. I still knew for a fact I liked Orko a lot though, even if I couldn't quite remember why anymore.

And then Masters of the Universe: Revelation dropped on Netflix. I'm not gonna get into my opinions of that show lest I open a flood of irrelevant discourse (for those uninitiated, it is a bit... divisive, to say the least). However my feelings on the matter did encourage me to go and watch the original and well, holy shit I love Orko more now than I could have ever comprehended as a kid. He is THE quintessential underappreciated comic relief character I tend to gravitate towards, and then some.

But before I get into that, let me back up a bit and explain. Orko is a Trollan, a race of magical little dudes that are basically floating sweaters with hats and covered up faces. Out of these Trollans, Orko is an incredibly fucking OP archmage. Like, they straight up call him Orko the Great, he's so powerful. But then, he gets caught in a freak storm that whisks him away from his home dimension and into Eternia. Immediately, he runs into a young Prince Adam, who is trapped in a swamp/tar pit and needs rescuing. Orko, being the upstanding lad that he is, uses his magic to save him but in the process loses the item that allows him to focus his magic to the swamp (in the 80s version, it's a medallion, but in the 2002 series, it's a wand). Worse yet, the magic (and dare I say the very laws of physics) in Eternia works pretty much the opposite as it does in Trolla, so he's been incredibly nerfed.

So basically, Orko is trapped in a topsy-turvy world away from friends and family, a world with magic he is fundamentally incompatible with. Ouch. He's not completely screwed, however, as he is rewarded by the king and queen for his heroism and appointed... the court jester. Double ouch. He surprisingly doesn't seem to mind though. He genuinely does enjoy entertaining people, even when his tricks only ever work like half the time because he's basically a Mac program trying to run on a Windows computer.

It's not all horrible though, as he does quite literally get adopted by the royal family  and thus sort of become the entire palace's weird son/little brother (despite being older than many of them. He's very, very child-coded largely for the purposes of being a stand-in and example lesson to the actual children watching). But also, more importantly, he becomes one of the very select few to know that Adam and He-Man are one and the same.

But outside of secret-keeping, he is actually a pretty valuable ally to have against Skeletor and his dudes because even though his magic is kind of screwed up, when it does work, he's still one of the most powerful mages on Eternia. In various materials, he's created floods, a second winter, and hell, he can literally explode himself and still be perfectly fine. He's also really clever and can weasel his way out of a number of situations. In one episode, for instance, he manages to convince someone that he's He-Man and Adam is his "assistant" in order to free him from captivity so the day has a better chance of actually being saved.  He's also got the ability to just be really frustrating and incomprehensible to the point that villains who capture him sometimes either don't want him or don't know what to do with him anymore, which is honestly really funny. In an episode of She-Ra, the villains tried to scan his brain but because the inner machinations of his mind are that much of an enigma, he got diagnosed a weirdo and broke the entire machine. Absolutely delightful.

However, there's a lot more to Orko than just comedy and bungled magic. He's actually surprisingly complex!

See, going into this, I expected Orko's whole situation be played entirely for laughs while the sadder implications of his existence go entirely unaddressed. Coming off the heels of characters like Cobalt and others I enjoy, I'm used to this sort of treatment by writers. But they actually don't do that. The depressing subtext is for once, actually TEXT, which was INCREDIBLY surprising to me. We actually get to see another side of him, a side that hates that he can't be taken seriously no matter what he does, a side that is well aware of all the trouble he causes and feels like a burden to those around him. He actually runs away on multiple occasions, fully believing that he's unloved and everyone would be better off without him, even if that couldn't be further from the truth (a point which the Sorceress hammers home with multiple straight up magical video presentations, and in the 2002 series, a literary adaptation, of why he is loved and important).

Underneath all the hyping himself up that he does, there's a lot of insecurity. He's someone who desperately wants to be loved and respected and feels that without funny magic tricks to entertain people, he has no inherent value (which is incredibly relatable if you are also known by people as The Funny One). At one point he agrees with the notion that he doesn't feel like much more than a pet, which is absolutely heartbreaking. Even when he gets the ability to go back and forth between Eternia and Trolla, his feelings of inadequacy now extend toward his family, worrying that his own uncle, the one who taught him everything he knows and greatly contributed to him being Orko the Great back home in the first place, wouldn't be proud of him. Being on Eternia highkey wrecked his shit, man.

However, even when given the opportunity to go back home for good, he always chooses to stay because he's loyal as hell. Even if he needs some reminders, he does know he's needed not just in the fight against evil, but just because his friends and newfound family genuinely love him. It's heartbreaking, but also incredibly wholesome. I did not even remotely expect a comic relief character like this to get this much depth and respect from the writers, especially not from the incredibly campy and cheaply animated 80s series. I am genuinely so unused to this.

But I think that's also what separates him a bit from his fellow Silly Kid Appeal Characters That Kids Fucking Hate ala Snarf Thundercats or Scrappy Doo. He not only makes a concerted effort to be an actually useful ally, but he's also in fact very self-aware of his status as one of these characters. He knows he screws up a lot but he actually tries to accept responsibility and fix it. It makes me wanna root for the lil dude. Now I understand if someone isn't a fan of the brand of humor he brings to the table, or feel like he's simply a distraction from the Cool Buff Dudes Fighting Each Other, but I hope you can see why he might also be a really appealing character to other people, both kids and adults alike. I mean, he was popular enough to be embedded into the canon despite originating from the cartoon and not the toyline for a reason, after all.

Orko is a fun, entertaining, but also complex, heartwarming, and relatable character. I know there is a faction of people that would disagree with me, but I don't think you need to change him all that much or make him a super serious character to be more appealing. He's already got a lot going on that a writer could easily work with. It all just depends on where you decide to focus. Take a lesson from the show and accept that he's fine just the way he is.