#emotional abuse //

[lednet-sorrow-au-blog]

Oh,that is,quite a fact-

“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”

— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

[neuroticboyfriend]

righteous anger feels so fucking good i can't believe i let anyone convince me otherwise.

anger can give you the will to keep LIVING. to keep FIGHTING for what's right - for what you and others deserve. it's not a moral failure. it's not a character defect. it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. it's not something you inherently need to make amends for.

anger is the emotion that tells you something is wrong and encourages you to do whatever the fuck you can about it, even if all you can do in that moment is validate your struggles and keep going despite them.

having difficulty managing anger is not an excuse for someone to tell you it's wrong to feel anger. you deserve to learn to cope with anger and channel it into a tool to help you - not to become purer, but just to better your life.

no one has a right to take away that fire within you. no one.

[womenclature]

I can’t exactly assume that OP intended to shame people who "say they can't watch/play/read anything slightly upsetting or scary or challenging because it's... upsetting or scary or challenging,” but to me it does sound like shame (and it sounds condescending to boot). I think it sounds shameful because OP said “challenging,” seemingly implying that a person’s entertainment content ought to be “challenging” for them, at least sometimes (frequency not specified). Whether or not someone’s entertainment should challenge them is probably a longtime argument in the art community. I believe that part of our role in life as humans is to try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be (Nietzsche’s “will to power”), and I agree that personal growth rarely, if ever, comes without some challenges. Notice I am not saying “No art form is allowed to contain challenging content.” Not only do I disagree with such censorship, I think it would be detrimental to exercising our capacities for coping with hardship. I am asking, “Does each and every individual's unique diet of entertainment have to contain some minimum amount of challenging content?” Requiring some minimum amount of challenging content – this feels a little like putting brussel sprouts in chocolate cake. That’s not really what chocolate cake is for, is it? Life is challenging. Everyone experiences challenges from life to varying degrees. Some people perceive that they experience more challenges than others. For example, my entire childhood lacked role models, guidance, emotional support, stability, safety, peace, and even privacy at times. As a result, I have a higher baseline of tension in my body at all times. So when I approach entertainment, I feel less safe consuming upsetting content than would the viewer with a healthier, more supportive background. Thus my tolerance for upsetting material has different limits. (Do I adhere to those limits? No, not always, because I am also good at ignoring my body’s stress signals, to my own detriment, of course.) Therefore, I would say to the person who is going through a difficult time, who feels exhausted, who can’t think any more thoughts at the moment – I don’t think you should let a stranger on the internet make you feel ashamed for re-reading "Pride and Prejudice” for the third time, or rewatching “Gossip Girl,” or doing whatever it is you do that makes you feel good inside. In fact, I think some degree of escapism can actually be healthy. Humans are unique in how “online” their brains are at all times, and I don’t think evolution completely equipped us with any innate mechanisms to compensate for that (often very stressful) fact. So, we manufactured them. And that’s ok so long as we aren’t hurting ourselves or repeatedly missing out on important opportunities “irl.” Let’s encourage each other to grow and challenge ourselves. But let’s not shame each other for having creature comforts. Everyone has his or her own path. We can choose to be respectful of that path.

whenever people say they can't watch/play/read anything slightly upsetting or scary or challenging because it's... upsetting or scary or challenging all i can think of is this lol

[cyb3rharl3z]

Omfg I am actually going to lose my mind, I HATE BILLFORD. It is so SO toxic and abusive, like actually abusive. I get that’s it’s funny an all but we cannot be serious in this idea that Bill becomes a member of the Pines family and everyone collectively forgives him for almost ending the world. HE TRIES TO KILL THE TWINS. MULTIPLE TIMES. HE CHAINS FORD UP LIKE A DOG AND TURNS HIM INTO AN OBJECT TO BE USER. AN OBJECT.

It is so blatantly obvious that Bill takes advantage of Stanford and slowly isolated him from the outside world in order to use him to further his own goals than discard him once no longer needed. That is abuse, textbook abuse. And that’s not talking about how much he violates this man’s body til he’s absolutely paranoid of everything and everyone. Bill hunts him down for 30 years in the portal. His character development and happy ending come from him finally escaping this abusive relationship and reconnecting with his family and letting go of his past paranoia. Them getting back together would be absolutely horrible and tragic, it would not be some cute couple, Stanford would be abused. Again. And it would enable Bill to cause more harm to the other members of the Pines family who he TRIES TO LITERALLY MURDER. Stanford looking past all that is not only out of character but the most selfish thing he could possibly do, it endangers everyone around him along with the literal universe. And I haven’t even brought it Fiddleford, Bill himself is horrified by how tortured that man’s mind is because of him (and not in a remorseful way it’s in a ‘oh damn sucks for you lol’ way). Stanford repeatedly says how horrible he feels about his negligence and cruelty (because yes he was cruel at times) of his best friend and partner that literally ruins his life. Bill tortured Fiddleford, there is no other way to put that, and he does not feel sympathy for that. That in itself should be enough reason to show how horrible this would be.

And before someone brings up Book of Bill, that book is written by Bill in an attempt to make the reader pity him and sign a deal with him. Hie is manipulating the reader, BY AGAIN USING STANFORD !!!! Imagine if The Joker wrote a book painting himself as the victim and one of his selling points was Harley dumping him, THAT WOULD BE INSANE. And this is literally the same damn thing. Istg I hate policing ships but the fact that I cannot engage with the fandom without having to see an abusive relationship be romanticized pisses me off

In conclusion; I let fictional things affect me way to much and maybe we shouldn’t pretend abuse isn’t abuse because that can have real life consequences by portraying this as normal.

[nemosopenletters-blog]

I just want to be important, too.

[flakops]

“guilt tripping”

[angstandhappiness]

AUGH, AGONY love the ticking sound of the clock crowding the panels then disappearing when Octavia called out to him. The cracked spot on his face in the picture feels ominous

SHATTERING

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Please heed the content/trigger warnings below

CW - Domestic abuse, spousal abuse, emotional abuse, aftermath of physical abuse,strong language

[kaijuposting]

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[nervessub]

I became the one thing I’ve been repressing the most. he’s the only man that could ever bring such a side out of me. I became unrecognizable

i feel like i’ve lost myself in loving you

[amaditalks]

Gaslighting isn’t the same as lying.

Gaslighting also isn’t lying a lot, or lying and deflecting the lying by shaming the victim for not believing the lie.

Gaslighting is a long con. It is a practice of ongoing emotional/mental abuse, that doesn’t just involve lying, but manipulating or altering someone’s reality in order to make them question both the truth, and more importantly, question their own mental and cognitive wellbeing.

The reason that it’s called gaslighting is because the tactic was demonstrated in a 1944 film called “Gaslight” starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman‘s character’s husband tries to make her have a mental breakdown.

He tells her that she is having blackouts (she’s not) and doing things that she didn’t do.

He steals things from her, and tells her that she lost them herself.

He makes noises in the attic of the house, then tells her that he wasn’t in the house at all.

He steals things from other people, puts them where she will find them, and then tells her that she stole them.

He puts his pocket watch in her purse and tells her that she stole it from him.

He isolates her from the world by telling her that her behavior is too erratic to be safe near others.

He encourages their housemaid to be cruel to her and to repeat his lies about her behavior.

And, to apply the title, he repeatedly causes the gas lighting (it’s set in 1875) in her bedroom to go dim, then comes into the room, and when she says that the lighting is dim, he says, no, it’s perfectly fine.

It goes well beyond just lying. Gaslighting is a setup to make the victim so confused that they’re unable to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the world around them or even themselves.

It’s beyond time to stop calling run of the mill dishonesty gaslighting.

[traumasurvivors]

Examples of invalidation through emotional abuse

When people order you to feel differently

“You need to get over it.”

Telling you how you should feel

“You really shouldn’t let this bother you” “You should feel thankful that…”

When people minimize your feelings

“It’s not that bad.” “You’re being over dramatic”.

Attempting to use “logic” to invalidate you

“Let’s stick with the facts” “There’s no reason to be upset…”

Passing judgement and putting labels on you

“You’re too sensitive.”

Making it your problem/isolating you

“No one else feels this way” “It’s not bothering anyone but you”

Trying to make you feel guilty

“I was only trying to help you…” “You’re bringing everyone else down with your feelings”

None of these things are okay. And while the person saying/doing these things may not intend to be emotionally abusive, that doesn’t change the effects these words have.

Your feelings are valid. Even if they don’t “make sense”. You deserve the space to feel them. While you should be mindful of how you handle them, you aren’t wrong for having them.

And also… please try not to be one of the people saying these things to you. You don’t deserve to hear them from yourself either.

[dragonheartstring360]

can’t emphasize enough how when you grew up in a toxic environment, being in the room with someone who’s angry or frustrated - even if it has nothing to do with you - is absolutely terrifying cuz you’ve been 1000% conditioned to assume frustration = all hell is going to break lose and be aimed directly at you

[meryisedgy]

God fukin dammit I don't have PayPal.

If you can - please help this person ya'll

PLEASE SHARE THIS POST

EMERGENCY COMMISIONS || PLEASE CONSIDER HELPING ME

PLEASE DONT SCROLL

This is me - Carl or Ray! And I REALLY need to move out of my place of residence as soon as possible. The reason of the emergency is that I need to get out of a toxic environment ASAP The big problem is my mother, who is NOT mentally stable. She treats me very ambivalently: at first good, then suddenly horrible. She threatens me with violence, and plays on my emotions and mental health. She is often transphobic towards me, doesn't value my opinion at all, and if I don't agree with her, she starts a scandal and threatens me.

She doesn't care that I'm haunted by suicidal thoughts, saying that it's my own fault and that I would finally LEAVE THE WORLD, and then she abruptly changes her position, deceiving me with words, saying that:

"I just ACCIDENTALLY said it, it wasn't what I meant"

And then again it loops in a circle: scandals, threats and, that I just misunderstood it all and that it was my own fault. She is trying her best to keep me in her house, telling me I can't go anywhere because I'm not capable of doing anything.

My mom said herself that despite the psychologist's recommendation to go to sessions too, she says she doesn't have time and she's old, she just has such nerves and it's NOT a bad thing.

She's not a very b*stard. I live in a warm place and have everything, but her mentally is not stable. Accusations, threats of violence that she will start the same way she did when she was a child and verbal abuse towards me. All her negativity towards me, I am not going to take it anymore, I have enough frayed nerves and tears as it is. I don't feel safe in this house. I don't want it to continue..

I love my mom….but it hurts to be around her anymore, so I need your help to move out of this place.

So, I open commissions to get enough money so I can pay for tickets, luggage and move out! And also, to have enough money to get by.

DONATE - PayPal, Patreon, Boosty

- HOW BOOSTY WORKS?

— THE ANSWER ! [CLICK!!!]

IF YOU TAKE A COMMISIONS, I WILL GIVE YOU A LINK TO THE DISCORD SERVER, WHERE THERE WILL BE A LIST OF INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR AND OTHER ORDERS - WHO IS AT WHAT STAGE OF DRAWING!

IT'LL MAKE IT EASIER FOR ME.

AND YOU CAN ALSO WRITE AND ASK QUESTIONS THERE! MORE DETAILS ON THE DIS CHANNEL «INFO FOR MY COMMISSIONERS»

DETAILS:

I TAKE FULL PAYMENT IN ADVANCE

• Do not forget about the commission on the transfer in the price list is not specified!

Payment is via PayPal//Patreon//Boosty - INTEREST IS NOT INCLUDED IN THE FEE AMOUT. PayPal ~2,9 - ~3,9 percent. Patreon charges ~5 percent. Boosty charges ~10 percent.

(A website that will help you calculate how much extra you will have to pay! - https://percentagecalculator.net // https://kipsl.by/interest-calculator safe//srs)

MY ENGLISH IS NOT PRETTY GOOD, I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES. PLEASE BE PATIENT, THANKS!

— By ordering a artwork from me, you acknowledge that you have read all of the following.

— Additional character = +100% of the original price

•Prices might change depending on the complexity. Also, from the design of the character.

— The cost of a full background is negotiable in the same DM, not less than 30 USD // 28 € and more.

•Simple background 10-20 USD // 9-18 €

•You can have a light background if you wish, it's free. It's my pleasure to do it.

—After payment, I show you the stages of the work as you wish, if you want!

•We'll figure out the deadline during the conversation, at least a month + may depend on my workload.

•Take into account that I can get sick unexpectedly. It's my curse that I hate, I get sick a lot.. I will warn you about that!

•If the work is needed by a specific date, we will discuss and most likely the price will change from how quickly you need to finish.

If you're not sure how your character would look in my style (or stylistics?) you can ask for a sketch sample but there will be a watermark from me.

I can refuse an order without telling you the reason.

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I draw:

• SFW.

•OC//Characters

• Fandoms (I can refuse) // Fanart // Fancharacters

• Objects//Symbols//AmongUS (I can objecthead//symbolhead)

• Robots//mechanism (I can refuse)

• Humans, aliens, monsters, demons, spirits and the like!

• Ship art (But not with real persons unless they're already partners)

• Portrait of real people

• Insects (except flies, etc.)

• Horror, blood, gore, etc. (+ can realistic)

• My characters//sona to your order (I can refuse)

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I don't draw:

• Furry, anthro//feral and other animals, lizards, dragons, ponies, etc.

• Very huge complex designs//constructions

• Real people (Exactly like a cartoon)

• Anime

• Anything to do with politics, racism, humiliation of the lesser, p*d*, inc*st and that kind of stuff. All weirdsussy stuff- Ugh.

Maybe that's all…

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At your own risk (I DUNNO how to draw this stuff...):

• NSFW//erotic. (+50 USD // 45 €)

• Pokémon (not all of them, I don't draw fur/very beast-like ones).

• Musculature.

• Fetishes (Additional fee at the agreed price // I can refuse)

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More details:

— I CANNOT RETURN YOUR MONEY.

• Keep in mind - if you have already paid and work has started, but suddenly you changed your mind, the money will NOT be refunded. YOU CAN'T CANCEL YOUR ORDER.

— I WILL NOT ACCEPT AN ORDER IF:

• No normal reference//no art with the character in fullbody size for a complete picture.

— You can request not to publish the order // add a watermark to it.

Know that I may use your order when I bring examples of my work!

— Edits are free at any stage, BUT except for huge edits (change the pose during the line with painting // change in general completely the background when it is almost ready, etc.) here already at a negotiated price fixing.