#cause i’m not really going to be consistent with all my drawings (especially traditional) also a traditional reference wouldn’t help with c

[brbarou]

Can you tell us about your journey as a creative? I know you showed us some of your old art a couple months ago, and I'm sort of curious about that in a more general sense! I suppose to put it more specifically a question I would ask is how did you arrive at the style you have now that I could only really describe as "squishy" like if I gave one of your drawings a hug they would squoomsh

sure! under cut cause i ended up yapping

i went through various mediums and styles of art when i was younger – i tried colored pencils, markers, watercolors, acrylics i tried drawing primarily anime, i tried semi-realism, i tried landscape art and all the while i was >obsessed< with the notion of “”finding my style”” as if that’s something you just come across or decide on one day. like i fully believed that all of the amazing artists i follow just sat down one day and decided on what their style would look like, so i constantly tried doing the same. and it never worked!!

i think the desire find MY art style had a lot to do with defining my identity as an artist. it’s nice to be consistent and have people recognize that – but also, i just tended to be veeery hyperfocused on getting better at art when i was younger. i was an extremely jealous child, especially when it came to drawing. instead of bonding with other kids who were into drawing i saw them as mortal enemies for some reason. drawing was supposed to be >my< thing, how dare they try to do it as well!!! so i guess i thought that if i landed on a style it would give me some sort of status over them or something. it was very silly and stupid

around high school is when everything changed. i had never realized just how constraining traditional art was to me before i started drawing digitally. i always had so many ambitious ideas i wanted to execute and couldn’t because i didn’t have the adequate tools or i didn’t own That One Particular Shade of Blue that i wanted to use God i Wish i had That Particular shade of blue etc. so digital art was perfect for me i finally felt like i could do whatever i wanted

i also met new friends in high school and they were artists as well! and upon seeing the way in which they interacted with one another and with me – just constantly hyping each other up, complimenting each other in a way that didn’t feel backhanded at all, just genuine support and happiness brought on by the fact that all of us draw – and i was like damn. yeah this is awesome. why wasn’t i like this before? i genuinely forgot how i could’ve ever felt jealous of other people for being into art when sharing that with others is so awesome!! you can collab and draw things for one another and learn from each other and it’s so cool!

so the combination of acquiring a better mindset about art + taking on digital art just resulted in me not being so frustrated all the time, which in turn resulted in me just….drawing without thinking about having or not having a style. and that’s how i “found” it. i just kept drawing. i’m still young and my style will keep changing as the years go by and it makes sense. i don’t really think about it at all anymore. just do what you like doing in art and eventually it’ll all fall into place. plus, Everyone has a style. even if you think you don’t. it’s kind of like accents. “ooh i don’t really think i have an accent…” you do. and if you draw, you have an art style. just give it some time so simmer

[ghosthoodie]

Since you said you wanted asks,

What are some of the hobbies the agents like to dabble in? I wanna know all the details smdndn

Sicily: I sometimes dabble in the arts, which is what I used to go to school for. Painting is my favorite. I used to paint a lot when I was in recovery from Kamabo, especially Kaity… It was fun to paint her transition, when she started. I have some sketches of the new agents too, when they’re sleeping. They’re way too hard to draw when they’re awake, ‘cause they move so much! Hahaha.

Kaity: I enjoy tinkering with machinery and weapons. It’s part of my job at Ammo Knights, after all. Sometimes I make some really fucked up machines and I sell em’ to Grizzco workers, since they’re not allowed in traditional battles. Caroline gets first pick, of course… It’d be mean of me to not show her first, hehe!

Caroline: I’m with Kaity. I like fixing things, but I’m also really busy all the time, so basically my hobby is doing side gigs? They primarily consist of either me just moving around heavy things, or sometimes I play drums for jazz clubs. Some of em’ are a lil’ weird, but it gets me a pretty penny!

Sicily: Speaking of fixing up things… When I drive into Splatsville there’s this abandoned house by the beach that I think is really gorgeous… What do you guys think? Does it sound like a fun place to live? I’ve been thinking about buying it and fixing it up.

Kaity: !!! That sounds like so much fun!! You want to move to Splatsville?

Sicily: I like it here. (she smiles) People let loose here a little more here than in Inkopolis. People wouldn’t look at an interspecies couple as much. It’d be relatively safer. The kiddos would have some place to find us. Plus, it’s literally by the fucking beach.

Caroline: I’m not sure I wanna be that far away from my brother, but I’d be happy to help y’all!!

Kaity: (she beams) Ahhh!! Our own little house!! You’d be welcome to stop by whenever you want, Caroline.

Caroline: (she smirks) It’d also be the perfect place to start a family, if you guys are interested in that.

Sicily & Kaity: (they turn red) A family?!

[surrender-souls]

i should make reference pictures for some of my ocs, i mean i mostly use my memory when drawing them but like it would be nice to have something to look off of so i don't forget some of the little details that i still want to keep

i just need to find a folder but i'm sure we have one

[siren1song]

Stay With Me

Summary: Deceit and Virgil are having dinner and goofing off, and Deceit decides he has... a lot to say.

Warnings: None I can think of.

Pairing: Anxceit

Word Count: 1,237

Taglist: @acanvasofabillionsuns, @emo-disaster, @greenninjagal-blog, @jungle321jungle, @sleepy-sides, @gattonero17, @another-sandersidesblog, @strawberryjellystuff, @logic-with-a-pinch-of-deceit, @gr3ml1n-loser, @main-chive, @firey-alex, @orca-iguana, @spooky-scary-virgil, @sanderssidesweirdo, @stormypaint, @just-a-little-bit-gay-oops, @dying-is-a-hobby, @rose-gold-roman, @the-angry-ship, @rosesisupposes, @just-perhaps

Notes: This was a third part to A Deal commissioned by @yalltookmyurlideas. Thank you sweetpea for this!! I had a lot of fun writing it!

Commissions!! | Buy Me a Kofi!! | Join Casper’s Crew!! | Ao3 Link!!

Years. They’d been together years now. Virgil still didn’t know Deceit’s name, or why he hated talking about “work” or anything relating to who he was before he’d summoned him.

Not that he minded. Sure, he’d like to one day say Deceit’s name, his real actual name, but he understood knowing the name of an otherworld being is… a lot of power to have and nobody wanted to give someone else that type of control over themselves.

And besides, he trusted Deceit with his life, he trusted that his boyfriend wouldn’t fuck him over, especially not after actual years of knowing each other.

Hell, sometimes Virgil even daydreamed of a domestic life— well. As domestic as one can get, being a witch dating a Circle King.

Does it count as domestic if it’s obtaining ritual materials and learning how to not let his anxiety overtake his magic and get him a result he hadn’t wanted in the first place? He was going to count that as domestic.

“Love are you over thinking on our third year anniversary when I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past twenty minutes?”

Virgil blinked back to the present, watching Deceit as he raised an eyebrow at him, wearing a small smirk that always made Virgil want to kiss him.

“I’m not over thinking,” he denied, because that part was true.

Over thinking was not the reason he had zoned out.

“Right, and I’m not a Circle King capable of terrorizing this entire section of the world.”

Narrowing his eyes, Virgil scooped up mashed potatoes with his plastic spork (they’d gotten take out, fried chicken and mashed potatoes and macaroni) and flung it in his boyfriend’s direction.

A loud snort escaped him when it thwapped against his face, in the area between his nose and the left side of his lips.

“You truly are my prince charming,” Deceit muttered, feigning resignation as he grabbed a napkin and wiped the glob from his face.

A facade that broke when Virgil broke into giggles, covering the lower half of his face with his arm while he slumped over the table.

The love on his face was so clear, Virgil had no doubts that he was cared for.

“Listen,” he started once his laughter calmed down, “I’m not the one who claimed to be prince charming, that’s Roman. You signed up for a bastard with anxiety, more magic than he knows what to do with, and a sense of humor that consists entirely of sarcasm and wit.”

Deceit gave a dramatic sigh, sticking his own spork in his bowl of macaroni. Virgil had been expecting him to take a bite, but instead he got a noodle stuck to his nose, held there by the cheese it was coated in.

“You noodled my nose?” Virgil asked, mocking offense and resisting the strong urge to cackle when Deceit let out an undignified snort at his phrasing.

“Yes of course dear, is it not what you signed up for?”

“No! I signed up for a refined Circle King who would protect me when I’m a damsel.”

Deceit snorted again, taking a second to recover before he spoke.

“Then you clearly signed the wrong contract, love. That is not me at all.”

“Apparently!” Virgil responded, keeping up his fake offense even as he wiped the cheesy pasta off his nose.

There was more snickering, Virgil trying not to grin as he stuck the macaroni in his mouth and watched Deceit try not to lose it again.

“You really need to work on reading the fine print, Virgil,” Deceit said, giving him an affectionate look that had heat rising up Virgil’s neck and face.

“Yeah well you’re distracting enough tiny words aren’t going to hold my attention, important or not.”

It was Deceit’s turn to blush, one hand slipping off the table while the other covered the bottom half of his face while he worked on not being flustered.

Virgil just grinned, finally taking a proper bite of his potatoes as he watched his boyfriend recover.

“Love you are insufferable,” Deceit started, continuing before Virgil had the chance to say something in response, “and irritating, and a total bastard who teases me about the most trivial things, despite me figuring out how this century works when I haven’t been a part of it before we met.”

“Where’s this going?” Virgil asked, smile still firm in place but his eyebrows were furrowing as his confusion grew.

Deceit didn’t answer, his own smile as soft as his gaze, and continued with what he was saying.

“You have caused me inordinate amounts of stress simply by being your own reckless self— I mean honestly how can someone with anxiety be so absolutely careless about their own wellbeing? And were it not for the fact that I’m a Circle King I know I would have an ulcer from the time you managed to draw three different pixies to you because you didn’t put the right intent into your magic alone.”

“Uh… Deceit if this is just gonna be you complaining—”

“Shush love, I’m not done,” Deceit interrupted, reaching across the table with one hand to cover Virgil’s hand, Virgil instinctively dropping his spork to return the hold.

He took a deep a breath, one hand still hidden by the table but clearly holding onto something, judging by the way Deceit took a moment to glance at it.

“As much aggravation as you’ve caused, you’ve also given me nothing but happiness for three years. No matter how upset I may be at you, you always make me smile with some asinine joke that really shouldn’t make me laugh as hard as it does. You are a source of joy for me, and I would not trade my relationship with you for anything else the universe may offer.”

“Deceit—”

“Janus.”

The air gets sucked out of Virgil’s lungs, and his eyes widen as he looks at his boyfriend in the purest form of shock he’s ever been in.

Janus.

“Virgil. I love you. I trust you with my everything, name included. And…” Janus pulled the hand he had hidden above the table, a glass box in his hand.

He took his other hand from Virgil’s to open it, exposing a head piece made of black metal and yellow gemstones that Virgil was too overwhelmed to place just now.

“I know it’s not the traditional ring human’s are used to for this type of proposal,” Janus started, looking back to Virgil after looking at the— is that considered a crown or tiara? Fuck who cares, he’s pretty sure his boyfriend is fucking proposing.

“But it’s what I’m used to and what I have. Virgil, would you offer me the purest joy of being by my side forever and always?”

Holy fuck his boyfriend shared his name and proposed.

Virgil took a deep breath, taking his eyes from the head piece to look at Janus— his name is Janus— with a smile to answer his nervous frown.

“The fuck do I look like, some kind of flake? Did you really think I would ditch you any time soon after three years? God, yes.”

Janus’ answering grin set Virgil’s heart on fire, and what else could he do, other than kiss him?

Well… he could also smear mashed potatoes in his shirt for daring to doubt Virgil’s willingness to stay with him, but what did that matter?

[clownattack]

Castor - character bio

I’ve been struggling with getting a bio out for Cas for waaaaay too long now, but i feel pretty ok with how it looks currently - i'm going to repost it on my art blog with some drawings of Cas and Hjalle in the future (hopefully). If you want to skip most of the nonsense and just get a feel for her personality, the section under the bio paragraphs is FULL OF POINTS.

links to drawn refs here and here

Longpost under the cut

✦ Early life in Hjalle:

Being born into the noble family Aran, Castor’s early life consisted mostly of being pampered by the attendants and strict education. Cas was a rowdy kid, and with time, lack of affection and validation from her family served to amplify the trait - she went from occasionally disobedient to full-on antagonistic towards her parents, and the nobility as a whole. She began to sneak out; spending her time outside of the Fort, spying on the guards and trying to bribe knights into taking her on as a page.

When Cas turned nine a sibling came into the picture, and she made it her duty to assure Aster’s upbringing would be better than hers. She poured everything she had into Aster, but soon developed a brash and overbearing streak, unyielding in her focus to teach the meek little sister to stand her ground. Aster became torn between Cas and the parents, who in all fairness, treated her much better than their firstborn. This would remain the case until Castor’s dragon-induced injuries.

In her late teens, Cas was seldom seen in the fort - to everyone's great relief. Her mood was always sour, she gave up on her studies and only seemed to care about Aster and joining the hunting parties. Her parents reached their limit when Castor announced she would not become one of the renowned judges of House Aran - this led to an explosive argument, which concluded with Castor storming out. For the following two years, she lived and worked with rangers tasked with protecting and providing for the town.

It was in those years that Cas acquired her battle prowess and scars, the most prominent being a gift from an especially large and angry dragon. A single swipe of its tail tore Castor’s chest and forearm open, forcing the hunting party to rush her to the fort in (what the hunters expected to be) a futile attempt to get her family to provide medical help for their dying kin. The reception was cold indeed, and if it weren’t for Aster’s hysterics and outrage over her family’s indifference, Cas would have not survived the grievous wounds. The upside to this event was a new high tale to impress people with, and strengthening the bond between two sisters. The downside - Castor was now under her parent’s thumb. They made her accept the position of inquisitor; to make up for the hassle she caused them. Taking up the mantle turned Castor’s world upside down - not only would she have to work in close proximity to her father, but her dreams of being knighted were shattered, as inquisitorial duties stand in stark opposition to virtues of knighthood. As Inquisitor she was tasked with investigating and interrogating for the court - the latter, as Aran tradition had it, was extraordinarily bloody.

 ✦ Vesuvia:

Almost as soon as she arrived, the city sparked something in Cas. This was unexpected to say the least; she was certain the years of gruesome work as inquisitor numbed her to simple joys of life. The sights and sounds of Vesuvia however, made her eager to explore and see how everything ticked - and the more she saw the more she wished to remain in the city. After attending the Masquerade and becoming acquainted with Asra, Cas was prepared to do anything to stay - even if it meant sucking up to the Buffoon count and begging for a job. Lucio proved to be anything but opposed - he’d heard of the “bloody good shows” (pun intended) Castor was infamous for, and was eager to take her off her parents hands. This led to working parallel to the count and his court, but also enabled Cas to dabble in magic under Asra’s tutelage.

This slight betterment of Cas’ situation would not last long however, as The Red Plague took complete hold of the city mere months after she took up her residence in Vesuvia. After perishing, and being brought back by Asra, she very slowly regains certain memories and traits - her sister, love of astronomy, sword skills. She sneaks out, snoops, and is a handful overall; but Asra is happy to see Castor’s “new” self free of bitterness and pain.

After this point, the “game events” take place. I like to imagine Castor braving an amalgam of Nadia and Portia routes, with a fistful (or multiple) of courtier drama. Castor is tasked with an investigation, slowly  but surely unravelling how deep the corruption runs in Vesuvia, and how much of it can be attributed to the courtiers. The conclusion of her story focuses on first facing off against the court, then the Justice Arcana.

  ✦ Physical appearance

Light olive skin, she picks up a slight tan in Vesuvia.

Dark gray eyes, striking marbling on the iris.

Long girl - 176 cm tall, loves being the “tall friend” (and manhandling people close to her). Being taller than her is taken as an indirect challenge.

She has a rectangular body type, could be described as a “runner’s body”.

Prominent scarring across right forearm and torso, missing right breast.

Tastefully disheveled. Her hair has a constantly windswept quality, and the gray streaks seem to be especially unruly.

Inherited the “Aran silver” (early graying), she tries to ignore it. “The more you hide it, the more it shows”.

Secretly really bothered by the many similarities to her father. Avoids looking at herself too much, and whenever she does it feels like he’s looking back at her, judging.

Only ever smoothes herself over before important court meetings and social events. She doesn't know how makeup works, so before any party she asks Asra to sort her out. Cas looking prim is both a treat and a source of friendly jabs.

✦ Character traits

Power walking by default. This can be somewhat intimidating, and she won’t stop if someone is in her way - just put them to the side and continue.

Puts up a really convincing pretence of formality and refinement.

In actuality she finds this facade tiresome, and just wants to talk fast about battle/hunting feats or astronomy. Maybe show off her pyromancy.

Loves socializing, it recharges her batteries.

Dilligent worker.

Tends to overwork herself and neglect her relationships.

Often scatter minded and wanting to do too many things at one time.

Doesn’t appreciate people instigating physical contact or getting up in her face. She needs to prepare herself for it, or be the initiator.

Stubborn as a mule. Never knows when to stop pressing people.

Extremely callous at times.

Annoyingly overbearing

Most of this springs from a place of fear - things had a habit of getting worse whenever her family imposed decisions onto her. In her mind, if she’s the one holding the reins, everything will be better. And if something does fail - she will be the only one to blame.

Starting arguments comes much too easily to her, but she’s just as quick to introspect, and seek out the person she argued with to apologize and approach the issue in an appropriate manner.

Forgives easily

Eternally scoffing at astrology. She knows shes being bigoted, but at this point its almost like an inside joke between her and Asra. “Astrology? It's baby stuff. PSEUDOSCIENCE!” (she cries as she worries over her afternoon tarot reading and preparing pretty horoscopes for the Shop...)

A huge hypocrite at times. “Do as I say, not as I do” could easily be her motto.

Both the upright and reversed Knight of Swords card sums her character up perfectly.

✦ Occupation & Residency

Vesuvia:

Beginning of her story follows the game canon almost to a T - Cas lives with Asra in the Shop, and works there. It bores her to death, and she plays tricks on every customer just to entertain herself.

After being officially hired by Nadia as the Palace Magician, Castor moves out of the shop and purchases a modest house in Goldgrave, much below the value of what Nadia offered her, and what she could afford. It’s convenient and that’s what matters to Cas. She continues supplying the shop diligently, and takes over whenever Asra runs off.

Nadia insisted on Castor having an office in the palace. It grew on her with time, and after The Devil is dealt with it becomes her little “hub”.

Hjalle:

Cas lived with her family in the castle site until 17 years old.

After denying her parents their plans for her future as a judge, she hunkered down in a hunting lodge outside of the town, and spent almost two years living that way - she still thinks of these two years as the most joyous time in her life.

The only thing she ever used her family’s wealth for was commissioning the construction of an extravagant observatory. Reminiscent of a gothic fortress, the stark exterior is contrasted with insides filled with artwork and art-nouveau ornaments. The central chamber is a vast library with a powerful telescope in its apse - it is a sight that could take the breath of the most haughty of nobles.

There’s a tiny living space below the main chamber, furnished sparingly, but with a lovely fireplace (in Hjalle, its a necessity). It’s where Cas stays after becoming the inquisitor/whenever she visits after the in-game events.

✦ Trivia

Cas is 23 years old when she first arrives to Vesuvia - 28 at the time of The Devil’s downfall.

She freed Merlin from a merchant’s cage in the Red Market, during one of her outings in the three year interlude after her death - Asra fumes after they find out she snuck out to the market - yet is amazed that Cas found a familiar.

Cas regained her first memories via touching objects linked to her past life - a letter from Aster, articles of clothing, a sword...

This self re-discovering takes a turn for the worse when Cas finally finds a large, ornate knife - the one she inherited after becoming inquisitor. The memories it resurfaces are a staggering blow to Castor, completely derailing the beliefs she had about her own person. She thought of herself as a paragon, and remembering the torture she inflicted upon others, the lives taken in the name of “justice” made her relapse into bitterness and disenchantment. She deals with those feelings as her investigation into the courtiers progresses.

Predominantly uses pyromancy, other types of magic are strictly used for her work at the palace, and rather sparingly.

Could be best described as a battlemage - enjoys being in melee range and assaulting her quarry with both sword and fire; the latter being used more as a way to distract or stagger the enemy than actually harm. There's no fun in just burning them up!

Doesn’t cook for herself, although she has a natural knack for it - will only cook for guests and short people.

Her dislike of Lucio clashes with gratitude for employing her when she first arrived to Vesuvia - he was the knife which cut Cas off from her parents, and it’s something she could never forget.

Demiromatic/sexual.

She was offered to be knighted by Nadia after defeating The Devil. Cas declined - It’s much more than a title to her, and accepting seemed like mockery (considering her past as inquisitor).

Short fuse, she learns to better control herself while working in the palace. But if someone really pushes her the nearby candles miiiight get a bit out of control. Or she’ll just throttle them.

Hates her full name - Castor is such a mouthful. Sounds stuck up too...

[galadrieljones]

Some Biblical Symbolism in TWD 10c (Team Delusional)

Okay so I am VERY behind on the times, due to a ton of family engagements lately; however, now I’m trying to catch up and in doing so, I’m just going to make posts looking at all my recent, random notes from 10c and beyond.

This post starts by looking at the symbolism in the Bible verse that’s referenced in 10.19 “One More.”  This one verse in particular lead me down a lot of other Biblical rabbit holes, and I’ll try to talk about how they pertain to existing Team Delusional arguments, plus some other stuff!!

David and King Saul

The Bible verse I took down in my notes for the episode is 1 Samuel 16, specifically 16:21. This chapter is about God sending Samuel to anoint a new King of Israel after Saul basically pisses him off. Samuel chooses David, a young shepherd and son of Jesse, who is also a wonderful musician. He plays the lyre.

I remember reading about David when I was looking into Daryl/Biblical imagery. Initially I took Daryl’s fight w Beta in season 10 up in that tower to be a David vs. Goliath fight, but after reading more deeply into it, I scrapped the comparison. I read more into David and was actually more taken with him as relatable to Beth. More on that and how this impacts TD in a minute.

In 1 Samuel, King Saul of the Israelites is being tormented by demons (sent by god ofc) and sends his servant to bring him a musician to soothe his brain. The servant suggests David who comes to play the lyre for him and befriends his son. Anyway, consumed with fear that David is going to oust him, Saul tries to kill David, so David goes on the run, as a fugitive, basically until Saul and his son are killed, and then David returns and takes his place as King of the Israelites.

Anytime Gabriel is in the scene, there’s Biblical shit. So I was on top of "One More.” I didn’t really know what to make of the story with Saul and David and why it’s featured in this episode, so I talked to my husband who doesn’t watch the show (which is good because he’s coming at my questions unbiased) but he knows the Old Testament super well. I asked him whether Saul was supposed to be a “villain,” or merely a tortured king. My husband said Saul is not a villain, but a king who is meant to symbolize the unique plight of kings and leaders often characterized as the Sword of Damocles, ie: the sword always hanging over their head, and how the constant threat of death and/or usurpation can push them to great fear, madness, paranoia, and hasty decisions.

As the de facto leader of Alexandria, Gabriel is now in the same exact unique bind for which he sold out Rick to Deanna in season 5. He is potentially becoming a Saul figure, with the pressures of leadership causing him to turn away from his faith. This is a MAJOR shift in character dynamics for the show, as well as a big reference to Season 5 (an important season for TD, obviously). Season 5 Rick is also a very good Saul, as we see him falling to madness, hubris, and fear, and on the clear path to losing his people and his throne. I think we’re witnessing Gabriel now in a similar scenario in which his actions have finally begun to bear the weight of his responsibilities as a leader. He kills Mays because Mays is a killer and unhinged. It’s why Rick wants to and eventually does kill Pete in season 5. Gabriel killing Mays startles Aaron, and it isn’t pretty, but to him, it’s the right thing to do, even as it belies his cloth and belies his faith to do so. 

With his eyes, one light/one dark, as well as his priesthood, Gabriel is a perfect canvas for this sort of Saul struggle, especially now, as Michonne is gone, and Siddiq is dead, and he is not only the leader of Alexandria but now a father to a child, and this only further complicates his motivations. I also think this whole thing, ie: Gabriel as Saul might be another purposeful recycling of seasons 5, which 10c has been doing a lot. As has already been pointed out by @twdmusicboxmystery​, “One More” also rehashes a lot of themes and scenarios from “Still.” The entirety of 10c is consumed with cycles.

Saul and David through the Team Delusional Lens

ON THAT NOTE: Beth is an interesting David figure, since David’s main role before he becomes king is as a musician. You probably remember mention of David in the Leonard Cohen song “Hallelujah,” which references both David’s music as well as his later affair with Bathsheba. David’s music soothes the king, and we could say the same thing about Beth in seasons 3 and 4. Further, Dawn in season 5 is another Saul figure who has lost control of her kingdom due to weakness, fear, and selfishness. Beth, like David, is taken into her service (where she DOES sing, and where she calmly professes, “I still sing”), befriends another of Dawn’s young orderlies (such as David befriending Saul’s son), and then when she becomes a threat, Dawn *attempts* to kill her. Ofc in the Bible David just goes on the lam until Saul is killed by the Philistines, and then David becomes king of the Israelites. In TWD, Beth “dies.”

So by this allusion, if applied in template fashion, after Dawn (Saul) is killed, Beth (David) would return to Grady and become its new leader, something I think TD has discussed before.

Other Biblical Allusions and Curiosities:

Jesse and Samuel: Characters from 5b-6a. Samuel of the Bible is a child prophet, and Samuel of TWD is a “sensitive” child who, in the opening of 6.8, is surrounded by a lot of prophetic imagery, including a drawing of a blond person tied to a tree while surrounded by walkers, a toy firetruck, as well as the ants, breaching the window and swarming a cookie, which predicts or mirrors the walkers breaching the wall. This scene is full of TD imagery, which I’m sure other theorists have already rehashed, ie: the tree trunk, the number 8, even a cyclops (one-eyed) action figure on the dresser. Jesse is Samuel’s mother in 5b, and until I read more into Samuel, I didn’t realize that Jesse was a Bible character as well, and that he was David’s father, while Samuel is the prophet who anoints David as king. These are mostly minor characters, but as is a lot of stuff in season 5, they pack a lot of symbolic punch.This is also just me pointing to the fact that TWD has used more direct symbolism involving Samuel and David before, as well as indirect symbolism, and just general allusion. Samuel is also connected to key imagery that appears again and again.

^ (This is not the first blond we’ve seen tied to a tree in TWD.)

Gabriel the Archangel: Gabriel the archangel is a very interesting character in the Bible, as he is seen as not only a fierce defender of the Israelites, but per Christian tradition, he is also the angel who visits the Virgin Mary and foretells the birth of Jesus Christ. I know that TD has discussed Father Gabriel as a Beth “proxy” or as symbolically juxtaposed with Beth, often referencing him as a Sirius symbol, post-partial-blindness, echoing the one-eyed dog from “Still.” The Biblical imagery is consistent with this argument, especially when combined with argument that Beth is a Christ figure to be resurrected, ie: Gabriel is here to “herald” Beth’s return. Ofc, this could be applied to Rick as a Christ figure as well (who sacrifices himself to save his people); however, we know that Rick is not dead, which is inconsistent with the crucifixion, ie: Jesus literally “died” (or was perceived to have died) and came back to life. Further, in Christian tradition as well as in John Milton’s Paradise Lost, Gabriel is credited as the angel blowing the trumpet that signals the return of Christ to the living (Gabriel’s horn). What I’m saying is, Gabriel is a herald. He heralds both the birth of and the return of Christ to the land of the living. It again does not feel like coincidence that Gabriel is introduced during season 4, at the very beginning of Beth’s arc.

Dark vs. Light: Does anyone else find it extremely fishy that Gabriel, Beth, and Daryl are all shown with prominent costume/features that juxtapose dark/light? What I mean is: Gabriel’s eyes, Daryl’s ankle coverings, and Beth’s shoelaces at Grady--all feature one dark, one light. Tbh I am not sure how this is even a Biblical thing (other than the overt good vs. evil connotations), but it just strikes me as further credence for how these characters must be connected. Gabriel as a reference to the one-eyed dog is more evidence tying them all together, further, the light/left dark/right arrangement is the same on Beth and Gabriel, whereas it is reversed on Daryl. I have always found the choice for Beth’s shoelaces to be strange, obviously correlated to Daryl’s ankle coverings, but I’m not sure why. I do know that this kind of visual imagery is not happening by mistake, though I don’t have a good hypothesis for what this means beyond the connection itself. Or, not yet at least. Give me time lol.

Anyway, I think this is all I have for now! If anyone has any thoughts or additions, please let me know. ^_^

[handlewithkara]

Thanks, I hate it

So, I was trying to rewatch season 3 again and wow, I remembered why I hate it (and particularly 3B) so much. Maybe hate is the wrong word. There is good things in there. Things I can appreciate. 

But I feel like my biggest gripe with it, more than shipping, more than characterization is that it is really hard to watch a show when you very fundamentally disagree with a position the show takes. 

And I think I knew that that was going to be the case I think from the moment Mon-El has his revealing conversation with J’onn in 3x13. J’onn is a character we are supposed to like, so it was pretty clear to me, that in this case, the position he took in this conversation was a position the show takes. 

Here is goes: Supergirl Season 3 firmly takes the position that it is the morally right thing for Mon-El to do is to not tell Kara that he has feelings for her. 

(the show also takes the position that it is honorable of Kara not to tell Lena her secret identity, situations that are paralleled on occasion. I think the situations are somewhat different, but still think that in both cases the position of the show is questionable or at least something I really disagree with)

First: What I think they were trying to achieve with this

1.) One of Mon-El's character flaws was arguably lack of restraint. Showing him holding back on telling Kara shows that he has matured. 

In this area I feel like the biggest disagreement is likely one of taste. If one likes Mon-El, one might argue that yes, lack of restraint and consideration was a character trait and flaw of Mon-El's, but "curing" him of this flaw arguably makes him at lost less entertaining as a character. 

The other problem is that Mon-El still has certain moments which the show itself characterizes as lack of consideration. Seems kind of late for him to still be learning this lesson on the fly? Rather than just struggling with it? Still, one can argue the fact that he was struggling with this issue on a relatively high level is a way of showing that he has changed a lot and is in a very different place. 

2.) Telling Kara about his feelings while she is still hurting and confused especially when he is unsure himself, yes would arguably be shitty. 

Now, this I partly get. When Mon-El comes back Kara is in a lot of emotional pain, she is distraught, she is confused, she is dealing with a lot. 

If at this point Mon-El goes to her and tells her that he's still into her (but there is still a chance that he still wants to honor his commitment to Imra more) that would cause her a lot of additional pain. 

Not that I think it would have changed a lot in how Kara would react or how much would have happened between them, but the same decisions would likely have caused her a lot of additional anguish. That would have been jerking her around and playing with her feelings by my defintion of things and in that case, I agree, he shouldn’t tell her.

Getting her hopes up just to leave again would so not be cool. 

3.) Talking to Kara about how he is struggling too might hamper their ability to fight Reign.

Now granted, this is just my personal feelings, as this wasn't really a topic that the show brought up itself. Still, this is something I could at least picture being a concern for these characters, that they want to put their feelings aside till Reign is defeated. (and in a way... that is what happens on the show, Karamel start getting a lot shippier in the time when they mistakenly think Reign has been defeated)

Second: Why I think it's wrong

The show over and over goes over the concept that it is wrong to tell somebody the truth just to make yourself feel better. And I keep thinking... why?

I agree with the concept that it is morally wrong to cause pointless pain to Kara by telling her. The thing is ... is it really pointless?

I fully agree that if Mon-El had fessed up to her at some point late into the season, it would have temporarily made Kara's life more confusing... but .... wouldn't that be worth it? Simply in the interest of things being more honest between and the information being out there?

And why isn't "it would make Mon-El feel better and lift a weight off his shoulders" a totally legit and fair outcome? Why does that have to be cast as "that's selfish and so he should never do that"?

I can maybe get that in the beginning when Kara is still super raw and emotional, but later on? Kara is a strong person, with a great support system. And I get that it's immoral to draw her into messy marriage issues.

But I don't see how just telling Kara what his emotional state is does that. He could just tell her "I'm really struggling too, but I'm trying to hold it together. This is hard for me in particular because I’m dealing with a lot of additional political weight being placed on my shoulders".

And yes I can envision a world where that makes communication between them even harder and it makes fighting Reign harder. But I still think it would be worth it for the benefit of things being more honest between them. And I would have said that both characters are emotionally strong enough that they could handle it.

Third: Why I’m beginning to think that they genuinely believed that

You know, for the longest time I thought, okay, maybe they just disliked Mon-El and wanted to get rid of him, so maybe they gave him a shitty story and that's all there is too it.

But the longer things go on, the more I get the impression. OMG they were actually serious about that?

In season 3, they draw strong parallels between it being honorable of Mon-El not to tell Kara and it being honorable of Kara not to tell Lena her identity. This is most explicit in The Fanatical where Mon-El says exactly that in a traditional "he gives advice about Lena, but he's actually talking about himself" scene.

Well, if you tell [her] the truth, you'd be doing it to make yourself feel better, not her. So maybe, in this case, it's, uh... Not telling her the truth is the noble thing. It's a sacrifice you're making to protect her.

(Bless Chris Wood, I think he looks entirely unconvinced by his own dialogue here)

Fast forward to episode 100. The big anniversary episode. The one that celebrates Kara and her influence on people. And this episode is full of people assuring Kara that her motivations were noble AND it ends with Kara embracing this point of view and putting her foot down (and no, I don't think that the writers intend to take that back and portray that as Kara misunderstanding something when this is the big celebration episode)

Executing The Premise

Either way. The whole season consisted of people preaching to Mon-El that he shouldn't tell. So Mon-El tries to do the right thing and keep his feelings mostly close to his vest.

And then it just ends!!!!

I'm sorry, this just feels wrong. It feels like there is something missing. Like either Mon-El should be rewarded for holding back (either by him realizing that loves the future best anyway (instead ... the opposite of that happened) or him actually getting a better chance with Kara somewhere in the future when the circumstances are better). Or in lieu of that, a storyline that makes it explictly clear that Mon-El was being a dumbass, did exactly the wrong thing and that is what costs him his chance with Kara. Except that didn't happen either.

Instead he disappear uncommented into nothingness and the only other glimpse we see of him is till an episode that actually doubles down on the message of 3B.

Summation

So my deep, fundamental gripe with season 3 is that I just deeply, deeply disagree with the central thesis the season puts forth (keeping things from people is not just understandable and excusable, but actually morally good) THE SHOW DIDN'T EVEN DELIVER PROPERLY ON THE STAKES AND MORAL STANDARDS THEY BUILT UP.

That's why season 3 was frustrating and hard to get connected to on multiple levels when it comes to these central story tenants. You have these characters discussing and debating and going back and forth and here I’m sitting, watching them and going “Yes, but this moral conundrum is stupid” (I had this reaction during pretty much any Mon-El scenes in regards to telling the truth and during any of the Kara and Lena arguments). I think even if the show had told a "clean" story with their premise, I still would have been sour on it when I just so fundamentally disagree with the premise on a personal level.

And that is in addition to the entertainment level of "I just don't think that it's very entertaining to watch characters who are constantly holding back to be heroic and moral and honorable" (compared to holding back for personal reasons like insecurity, something that is way more interesting because that is compelling characterization a lot of the time and casts telling the truth as characters facing their fears or seeing things weren’t as bad as they imagined it). 

I disliked that honorable holding back in Kara/James and I disliked it again in season 3. [yes I think it’s marginally better set up in season 3 simply because Karamel had an actual relationship as the basis rather than just the potential of a flirtation, Mimra were married and there was a political reason why it had to stay that way rather than Lucy in the end being just a nice girlfriend/boyfriend relationship ... but just because it is a slightly more solid version of that trope doesn’t change that that trope is bad and boring to me]

Look, this isn't about morals. This isn't about me thinking the show would have been better if Kara would have thrown herself at James in season 1. It's just that those stories are (to me) fundamentally boring to watch and there was a reason why I preferred the chaotic back and forth of season 2 Karamel. So in a way, I felt fundamentally betrayed by the story even without the ending, because to me the season betrayed a lot about what I liked about Karamel in season 2 and made them more like Kara/James whose story I often did not care for for a reason. I'm not claiming that season 3 was devoid of good things, outside of Karamel or within (and I will try to make posts on that), but in regards to Karamel, a lot of these things were new areas, new themes or side aspects compared to what their strongest threads were in season 2.(for what it’s worth, I think the normal, “soapy” way to tell this story would have been not that Mon-El tells, but that Mon-El keeps it quiet, but somebody else blabs out the truth and Kara finds out anyway and is initally mad at Mon-El. Would still have been a cop out compared to how I see this conflict, but it would have been a more normal story compared to “everybody tells Mon-El not to tell and he mostly doesn’t”)

But I can put my shipper values aside. I can try to appreciate a story for its craftsmanship or for what it is trying to do even if things don't go my way. But it's really hard to get invested in a show if you just don't see eye to eye with one of the core themes the show proposes.

And that’s why I have a lot of animosity left towards this aspect of season 3. 

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: May 2020

Well there’s another month come and gone. TV and books seems to be what I gravitate towards whilst in quarantine. Anyway here’s the month of May in a wordy nutshell!

……….FILM……….

Blockers (2018) I was mostly drawing while my partner watched this but from what I heard and occasionally saw, it was fun! Silly and gross and I’m not reeeeally sure who the target demo was, but it had a modern and more nuanced perspective on sexuality so that’s cool.

……….TELEVISION……….

Mad Men (Episode 1.11 to 3.03) WHO KNEW THIS SHOW WAS SO GOOD?!? The amount of screentime dedicated to advertising seems to be dwindling a bit, but oooooh there’s still so much juicy office drama (something I think I enjoy because of being self-employed and working from home). It looks like we’ll fail at our attempt to finish the series before it leaves Netflix in June but it was fun while it lasted.

Sex and the City (Episode 1.01 to 2.06) Returning to this for something when we don’t have time to watch Mad Men (or need something lighter) and it’s hitting the spot. We’re slowly getting past the era of randos talking to the camera (and mostly past Carrie breaking the fourth wall). I was in college when I first watched this and I’ve come to realize how much I’ve grown as a human as I only now have enough self-awareness to recognize I’m a Charlotte. 

Gravity Falls (Episode 1.09 to 1.15) We’ve since slowed down on this a bit but I’m really excited to get back into it as season 2 is just so good!

Disney Gallery: Star Wars: The Mandalorian (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) The first three eps didn’t really do much for me. The one on the directors was cool as I didn’t realize how many there were, but it would’ve been great if they talked a little more about what they brought to the table or why they took this on. Ep 4 on technology was more my speed but overall this still kinda just feels like surface level stuff. Loooots of time spent on actors and directors and professionals complimenting each other and I am not here for that.

……….READING……….

Illuminatus! Part 1: The Eye in the Pyramid by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson (Page 204/304) What a trip. It’s pretty much what I expected from an comedic book revolving around the illuminati/secret societies from the 1970s, though it took me ages to adjust to the writing style. I’m really enjoying it, but be warned that there’s no major break between narrators so it can jump between plots with each new paragraph. It feels, at times, like a tone poem, but maybe that’s me putting more of the generation into the text than was intended. Again, I think I like it, but am pretty sure I’m missing a lot. 

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (Complete) Such a stellar read. I loved Novik’s Uprooted and while you could read either in any order, they both feel of the same world. Both books are full of fairytale danger akin to the traditional stories. They’re beautiful and uncertain and familiar and new. I realize I’m being super vague and general but it’s because it’s so hard to pin down what’s excellent about this book. It’s just good and if you like fantasy and classic fairy tales with layered characters and a more nuanced approach to good and evil then read this AND Uprooted.

Umbrella Academy Volume 3: Hotel Oblivion by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba  (Complete) It’s great to get back to this world but I think I need to give it another read. The first two volumes were frantic, but there was typically a clear drive or sense of what the big picture was. Volume 3 felt like a buildup or segue into the next story being told and that’s...not great.

Satania by Fabien Vehlmann and Kerascoet (Complete) I’ve rambled at length about how much I love past books by these two (particularly Beautiful Darkness) but this one didn’t connect quite the same. The story only scratched the surface of (admittedly really interesting) themes and I would’ve loved for it to get fleshed out further. The art is consistently incredible and their take on a subterranean world is breathtaking. I recommend if you want to read every book by these two, but wouldn’t suggest this as your first introduction (for that, Beautiful Darkness, or Beauty).

Hellboy Library Edition Vol 5 & 6 by Mike Mignola, Duncan Fegredo, Dave Stewart (vol.5 and 6), and others (vol. 6) (Complete) A return to form. Fegredo is such a great choice for taking over from Mignola for the main story. The final story in volume 6 is still a weird choice to me (especially since the penultimate one would’ve been much better) but I’m so excited to read the next volume. Such an cool chapter in comics history.

GRRL SCOUTS by Jim Mahfood (Complete) Very late 90s. Like soooooooo 90s. Some of the writing hasn’t aged well, but it’s interesting to see how much things have changed in...oh jeez 20 YEARS! 

……….AUDIO……….

Staying In with Emily & Kumail (Podcast) As a dedicated listener to their old podcast, The Indoor Kids, it’s great to listen to these two again. Also weirdly comforting that their dynamic and personalities (at least as far as podcasting is concerned) hasn’t changed over the years between then and now. It’s gotta be at least 4 or 5 years, right? Anyway, this is a good listen if you’re navigating the pandemic (jk, we’re all doing that).

Articles of Interest (Podcast) So I think this is technically a miniseries put out by 99% Invisible but I loved season 1 and season 2 is just as good. Every episode is concise and these latest episodes are really diving into new parts of the fashion industry. Very cool.

Unravel Season 4: Snowball (Podcast) I checked this out on a recommendation since our mutual friend went through a similar situation (getting romantically involved with a perpetual con artist) and it was so interesting to see the overlap. It’s just such a wild story of deception and habitual lying and theft and manipulation. Great listen.

Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen Exactly the sort of pick-me-up we need right now. Good stuff. Always a treat. Very happy.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The latest session had the group spending...maybe 25 minutes sorting out how they were going to approach the Jolly Roger (ship of the dreaded Captain Hook). Their plan is a mixture of stealth and impersonating what amounts to Pirate Ship Quality Control. We’ll see how that goes. Anyway I’m really excited by how the group is exploring the island and for this book to come out in October!

D&D Homebrew Adventure (Menace of Merlin) The group is sorting out a curse/illness plaguing one of the character’s hometown and...the timing of this plot is not ideal BUT everyone seems to be okay with it. They took out some orcs and hopefully will be able to find the hermit that can help with the slow petrification of the village.

Tyranny of Dragons /Gainfully Employed (Wizards of the Coast) I’m not sure I posted about this last month but the party has just sorted out the cause of a failing lighthouse (that’s magical) and brought the culprit to justice! Now to head out of Phlan and sort out some silly rumors that I’m sure are nonsense.

And that’s it! As always, hit me with your recommendations if you have something I should read/play/watch/or listen to!

Happy Sunday.

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 25 Review: The No-No Generation

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }

{ Full Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

Welcome back to my Garden of Evil, where I analyze and snark on Strange Paradise for fun and...well, just fun, really. This week, we will conclude our deep dive into Week 5 with a review of Friday’s episode, in which THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES continues his seduction of Elizabeth Marshall while inside the body of Jean Paul Desmond.

Night on Maljardin. As Jean Paul drinks in the Great Hall and lightning flashes outside, Raxl draws tarot cards in the Not-So-Hidden Temple of the Serpent.

Here are the cards that she pulls, flipped upside-down to show them from her perspective:

We know from previous episodes that the Knight of Coins/Pentacles is Dan and the Queen of Cups represents one of the women on Maljardin (Matt believes it to be Holly, but he could be wrong). We have also seen the King of Wands used to represent Jean Paul before, but King of Cups arguably fits him better because his constant wallowing in self-pity is a negative water/cups trait. The Queen of Wands represents a woman who plays a supporting, managerial role (sounds like Alison). The Page of Coins is a young person who is observing and learning how to make it in the world (could be Tim or Holly).

The rest probably don't represent specific characters, but instead relate to the situation. The Justice card means exactly what its name implies. Ten of Wands "represents an all-out effort, an obsessive commitment to a task which demands everything you've got.” The Seven of Wands normally refers to a situation where confrontation and daring are necessary, but it is reversed here, suggesting failure, defeat, and even scandal; this seems to imply that Jean Paul will be defeated and/or that his activities on Maljardin will cause the scandal that he fears. The Eight of Coins is about workaholism and may have to do with anyone currently working on Maljardin (Raxl, Quito, Alison, Tim, or Matt).

The Five of Cups is an interesting card: it might refer to the impending losses on Maljardin or to any variety of negative emotions, but it is also associated with "Inheritance, suggesting the cross-generational legacy of such tragedies." This reminds me of the parallels between the events so far and what we know of the Maljardin of the 17th century: the deaths of Jean Paul's and Jacques' wives, the seduction of their wives' sisters, the priestess resembling Elizabeth who sacrifices Holly in her dream. In early Maljardin and in the Lost Episodes, Ian Martin consistently drew parallels between the events of 1689 and 1969, so the intended meaning of "cross-generational legacy" seems highly likely.

Also, for those of you wondering, Vangie’s tarot cards in the next scene appear to be the same, just arranged in a different spread. I say “appear” because it’s hard to tell with the lighting and video quality if they are the same cards, although logically they should be.

"If my father's gift is strong in me and if the Great Serpent so wills it," she prays, "may I be lifted to the ancient temple to help in the fight against evil." She lies down in her bed to attempt to teleport herself there and we cut back to the Great Hall.

In the Great Hall, Jean Paul argues with Jacques. Their dialogue somehow sounds even more forced than Jacques’ line about the time clock two episodes ago:

Jacques: "You're very quiet tonight, but not Mother Nature. I wonder what's disturbing her so?" Jean Paul: "Maybe you are. Maybe she's declaring war on all demons." Jacques: "Wooing and warring, a family heritage." [An odd thing to say in this context.] Jean Paul: "I could do without the family heritages and ancestors like you!" [And an equally odd response.] Jacques: "Do without me and you may be doing without yourself. Who knows? You and I could well be one and the same." Jean Paul: "I am NOT a devil!"

Jacques: "Self-declaration, self-incrimination--and don't drink so much. It dulls the senses."

Backacting with the portrait again, I see.

So we get another hint that Jean Paul and Jacques may be the same man, with a very forced-sounding exchange leading up to it that Martin definitely could have written better. Jean Paul gets ready to throw his glass at the portrait (as one does), but can’t because Quito enters with some ice for the next six gin and tonics that he probably originally planned on downing that night.

*Jacques voice* Jean Paul Desmond, has no one ever taught you that people in stone houses shouldn't throw glass? Tsk, tsk…

And now that plan is ruined, too, because Holly comes down the steps and complains to him that she can’t sleep because she keeps having nightmares. (She doesn’t say what about, so I’m going to assume they have to do with either her father or Tarasca again.) Jean Paul offers her some sherry “to sleep and not to dream,” and she responds that the line was one of her father’s favorites from Shakespeare. No, Holly. It’s “to sleep, perchance to dream” not “to sleep and not to dream,” but you were close.

Jean Paul reveals that he, too, couldn’t sleep because of nightmares. “I guess even possessions don’t make a man sleep easy,” Holly replies and, without warning, the portrait disappears and Jacques enters the chat:

Look! The crew actually remembered to remove the portrait this time!

He’s giving her the poison Jean Paul took from the lab!

Holly tells him about how her mother wants to steal her inheritance, and how she intends on taking as much as she can from her in return. (Does that mean you want Jean Paul, too, Holly? Never mind, of course you do.)

Would that be with a W or with a B?

I suspect that Holly wouldn’t know any different.

Meanwhile, on the stairs above, Elizabeth silently observes. But she doesn’t just observe. She observes while wearing a fur-trimmed velvet nightgown and striking a dramatic evil diva pose. As one does.

Wah-wah-WAH-wah-wah...*fade to black*

After the commercial break, Elizabeth overhears Jacques telling Holly that she may learn to love her, because “one who hates can also love.” (Take it from Jacques Eloi des Mondes, murderer and lover extraordinaire.)

“I'm sure my daughter will make an army of fortune-hunters very happy when she does learn,” she, a fortune-hunter herself, interjects. Looking thrilled to see the lovely Tarasca, Jacques welcomes her and offers her a drink:

Jacques: “Some cyanide, perhaps, fresh from the lab?”

Just kidding. It isn’t cyanide; Mrs. Marshall is too much fun for Jacques to kill off, especially this early on. Holly leaves to drink alone in her room and Jacques and Elizabeth get ready to drink to the fact that they’re no longer children, when Holly freaks out over Quito. It turns out he was trying to guard her from the Devil, which amuses dear Jacquet immensely.

You’re so vain, you probably make toasts about you.

After Holly returns to her room, Elizabeth laments the woman “child” Holly become after the death of her father. “Ever since her father died, virtually overnight, she changed from a sweet, shy child into an impossible shrew,” she sneers. “We were really a very happy family before.”

“Holly told me that you did lots of things together, that you traveled a great deal,” says Jacques.

“Yes, of course.” she responds, “Even then, there were signs. The winter before last, she refused to go on vacation with us, wanted to spend Christmas in the cold snow instead of the warm sand. So we went on without her, but, of course, she ruined the trip for us.”

Holly must have had a good reason to stay home in the dreary winter weather rather than go on vacation with her parents; I say that because I, too, am from the north and I, personally, would kill to spend Christmas somewhere warm or at least not snowy. Either that, or Holly is a romantic, holding a sentimentalized view of white Christmases with treetops glistening and children listening to hear sleigh bells in the snow. If that is the case, then...well...I guess it’s nice that she likes snow, because I sure as hell don’t. But really, I’m sure Holly had a damn good reason to avoid Elizabeth.

This is the perfect time to post some photos of Elizabeth’s incredible nightgown. It’s so luxurious, so decadent, so...her.

“How unfortunate,” Jacques responds insincerely.

“Couldn’t we change the topic of conversation from the No-No Generation? I’m very bored with their beads and bells and songs of love.”

The No-No Generation? Now, there’s a name for the Baby Boomers that I’ve never heard elsewhere. Google, too, seems unfamiliar with it: a search for “no-no generation” (with quotes) mostly turns up chemistry papers about nitric oxide. Subtract these and you get only a few more relevant results, one of which is this meme from June 30 of this year. A search for “‘no-no generation’ boomers” yields this cached page mentioning “a vibrant No-No generation in the wake of the 1968 Paris uprising” but that term appears to mostly refer to French rock musicians of the 1960s and 1970s, judging by this other use of the term on the site and this CD listing on another.[1] Considering the dearth of relevant English-language sources using the phrase and considering that Holly isn’t a musician as far as we know, Martin may have come up with the term on his own.

There’s the question of why Elizabeth calls Holly’s generation the “the No-No Generation.” No rules (which, arguably, better describes Generation X)? No interest in the traditions and codes that her and Jean Paul’s generation follow? (Laslo and Irene in the second Desmond Hall arc criticize the Baby Boomers, especially Susan, for that.) No work and no higher education, like the current use of the term in Spain and Brazil? The fact that Holly just didn’t want to go on vacation with her two years earlier? Or, perhaps, all of the above? I’m going to guess all of the above. All the options fit Holly.

So we have learned that Elizabeth disdains Holly’s generation because of their love songs. Even Jacques is taken aback by this, because it implies that she doesn’t believe in love, but she assures him that it’s different because “you and I are old enough to make our own rules.” He gives her a knowing look--as though he knows exactly how old she really is--and places his beringed hand on her shoulder.

That nightgown looks so soft.

Down in the Not-So-Hidden Temple, we pick up right where we left off with Raxl praying to the Serpent for Vangie’s arrival. Before her eyes, the Conjure Woman Chromakeys into the chamber right on top of the Tarot cards, her arms stretching upward:

Weird.

By some miracle, Vangie climbs off the altar without screwing up Raxl’s Tarot spread. But she’s not pleased about arriving on Maljardin where she predicts that she will die, and so she demands to know why Raxl summoned her there. Um, Vangie, don’t you remember earlier in the episode--perhaps minutes before in show time--when you prayed to the Serpent to transport you there? You’re like someone who passes through the turnstile at a metro station, then changes their mind a second later.

While all this is going on, Jacques gleefully drops hint after hint of his true identity:

I’m not sure how much of this is for the audience’s benefit and how much of it is because Jacques thinks everyone else is dumb.

Tarasca: (thinking) “And my name isn’t Elizabeth Marshall.”

We also get this possible shout-out to Dark Shadows:

Back down in the Not-So-Hidden Temple, Vangie helps Raxl interpret the Tarot cards. “Our spirits will be fused through the Tarot cards and the pentagram,” Vangie says. (What was in that tea/potion that Raxl gave her?) Their spirits fused, they try to make sense of the cards’ message:

Raxl: "Do you see what the cards say?" Vangie: "I see two protectors, Matthew Dawson and Dan Forrest."

I assume that the cards she's referencing are the Fool and the Knight of Pentacles, as in previous episodes.

Raxl: *points to Queen of Cups* "But they are not as strong as this one." Vangie: "Who is she?" Raxl: "I cannot tell. Your powers of the cards are much stronger than mine."

They join hands and concentrate on a flame to determine the identity of the Queen of Cups. And then her image appears:

Raxl: "The witch is not..." Vangie: "Yes! The mother of the blonde child, Elizabeth Marshall! Watch her carefully, Raxl. She’s dangerous."

It's odd that Elizabeth of all people should be represented by the upright Queen of Cups, as the descriptions that I’ve read for the card tell of someone with almost the exact opposite personality. According to Tarot.com, this Queen is "a sensitive, vulnerable, omniscient woman who offers unconditional love. She is supremely empathic -- sometimes to a fault. Her caring nature exposes her to everybody else's emotions and needs." Sounds more like Jean Paul’s and Alison’s descriptions of Erica to me, save for the “omniscient” part (which I don’t think is meant to be taken literally).

What’s ironic is that, if the Queen of Cups were reversed, the card would fit Elizabeth well. This page on The Tarot Guide mentions "insecurity, lack of trust…self-centred…smothering, bitter, vengeful, manipulative, spiteful, [and] disloyal” as the reversed Queen’s characteristics. Now that sounds more like the Elizabeth Marshall I know. I suspect that the Queen of Cups was intended to be reversed and its upright position is a blooper.

In the Great Hall, Elizabeth goes to bed and, after some surprisingly not-silly headache faces, Jacques de-possesses Jean Paul. In truth, I’m a little disappointed that he doesn’t clench his teeth or look like he’s about to vomit this time, because I find Colin Fox’s over-the-top headache faces funny. This time, Jean Paul apparently forced him out of his body himself, although how he accomplished this is not explained.

And what exactly did you do, Jean Paul, to force him back into the frame?

Although I know all episodes of this show were rushed to some extent, this one with its abundance of script continuity errors shows more signs of hasty writing than the others. Ironically, they actually remembered to remove Jacques’ portrait from the frame this time when he possesses Jean Paul, which is shocking. Still, despite the rushed-ness of this one, it has provided me with a lot of interesting material to dissect in my deep dive into the bizarre world of Strange Paradise.

Coming up next: Dan and Alison continue their investigation of Erica’s death and Jacques obsesses over a possibly symbolic fish. Also stay tuned for the Bad Subtitle Special for Week 5 next week.

{ <- Previous: Episode 24   ||   Next: Episode 26 -> }

Notes

[1] In France, the term “Génération non non” more often refers to French Millennials of Middle Eastern and African descent who live in the impoverished suburbs or banlieue of French cities. It was popularized in the 2006 song “La Boulette (Génération nan nan)” by French rapper Diam’s.

[kenobion]

Changing Strings

This is a little tutorial on how, when, and why to go about changing your bass (or guitar) strings. Granted, I am no specialist, so these are things I have picked up on my own through various readings, but it should do as a summary. You can always research more into a topic if you’d like to learn more about it.

Your initial question might be why bother with changing strings anyway? A guy at the music store I bought my strings from told me he knows guitarists and bassists who never change their strings . . . they simply adjust the treble on their amps instead. That workaround is a hint to one of the reasons why: old, stretched out, dirty strings lose their tone, in particular the clarity and brightness.

Replacing your strings helps ensure the sound that is delivered to your amp is the best it can be and helps you get in some bonding and understanding of your instrument through general care, plus it gives you a chance to try out even more string types or gauges - there are many to choose from (once you start looking at them it does become a bit addictive, full disclosure).

My current preference (psst D’Addario want to sponsor me? hah):

So how do you know when it might be time to switch out your strings? It’s partly up to you, because depending on how much and how often you play, you might need a more or less frequent schedule. Generally, if you start to lose clarity of sound from your strings and your playing starts to sound muddy, that’s a pretty good sign that your strings might need some refreshment. Visual signs to look for could include dullness of color, compared to shiny new strings, and little dark marks or the appearance of grunge across the strings.

Here’s a closeup on the old strings I removed from my bass. You can see they’re a bit grotty.

When you play, you should always wash your hands beforehand (hah), so your instrument stays as clean as possible, which will help reduce wear from exposure to unwanted materials (like grease on your fingers from food you recently ate, etc etc). This routine, along with wiping the strings down after you’re done playing, will help give your strings some extended life too, but in time the natural oils from your hands will end up on them anyway.

Here I have overlaid the old strings over the new ones on my bass. You can see a definite difference in color, the old ones being duller.

Generally, the dead sound and darker/semi-dirtied appearance will clue you in that it’s time. I noticed this on my own strings after about six months, so you can use that as a benchmark, but depending on your playing habits and which strings you have, you might need to change sooner or later.

Now that you know the why and when, let’s get to the how. The first consideration is not the process, however, but which strings you are going to use. Not only are there many many brands out there (like D’Addario, Ernie Ball, and more), but there are also many different string materials too. These include:

Nickel - for a warmer, more vintage tone

Nickel-plated steel - used for many styles, very versatile, these are most likely what is on your bass

Stainless steel - very bright, strong tone

Nylon - more likely to be used in guitars versus basses

Chrome - for an even richer tone, warmer than nickel

And you may see even more than that too. Strings also come in different winding styles - this refers to the way the outermost layer is wound around the core. Roundwound (traditional), halfwound (for less finger noise), flatwound (for no finger noise), and tapewound (for a more upright bass sound) are some of the options.

If you know which strings you currently have, you might like to stick with the same ones, and if you’re not sure, nickel-plated steel roundwounds are a pretty solid choice. If you’re feeling more experimental, feel free to choose something different - you might like the new sound you discover.

And if that weren’t enough to think about, you also have a choice to make regarding gauge too. Gauge refers to the thickness of the strings, and gauges are often referred to based on the size of the lowest string. In this case, 100 is the size of the E string of a regular light gauge set, which is a common sizing, so such a set is commonly referred to as 100s for short.

There are heavier sets available, and lighter ones too. It really depends on which feel you prefer under your fingers. I like the feel of slightly thicker strings, so I’ve gone with medium gauge, which is 105s. What you choose is up to you.

Observe the size of the medium gauge and round, bumpy appearance here for the roundwounds:

As you can see, there are plenty of options when it comes to selecting your strings, from brand to material to winding to gauge to options for coating (which can add color to or act as protection for the strings from wear), and it can be a bit overwhelming. You may want to look into the difference in tone between strings and do some reading, or you might wish to follow your instincts and simply go with your gut for your choice. 

One more thing to note: bass strings come in short scale, for short scale basses (which you might have if you have a smaller reach), and in long scale, for regular size basses. Make sure you choose the right one, because short scale strings will not fit a full scale bass.

Once you have chosen and purchased your strings, it’s time to get to the process of switching them in.

First, be sure to loosen all of the strings on your bass (or guitar, but I’m a bassist so I’m going to use the bass term usually) evenly. Take off all of the tension. Turn the tuning keys until the strings are slack.

Now you need to remove the strings - you can either cut them near the stockhead using a wire cutter, then unwind the remainder from the posts by turning the tuning keys, or you can completely unwind them using the tuning keys to keep them intact (my preference). Once detached, pull them out through the bottom of the bridge, then put them aside.

Bass, de-stringed:

Once you’ve removed all the strings, you might like to take a chance to do some cleanup of your fretboard, now that it is exposed. If you have some fretboard oil, this would be a good time to apply it (just make sure there’s no lemon oil in it, especially if you have a maple fretboard, as the lemon will dehydrate the wood and make it more susceptible to cracking). This is a time you can polish your frets too.

Once you’re done cleaning, grab your new strings. Starting with the E string, the thickest one, uncoil it if it is wrapped up, then put it through the hole in the bridge, and over the appropriate saddle, so it rests in the groove. Pull it through until the ball end rests against the bottom of the bridge. These photos demonstrate using my A string, which I wanted to rewind anyway.

Now take the far end and draw it towards the lowest pole in your stockhead. You will notice a hole in the middle of the pole - stick the end of the string into this, as far down as it will go. Then, flatten the string into the slot sideways, to get it prepared for being wound down along the post.

Guiding the string down the post, start to wind it, using the tuning key. You will have to do a lot of turning, so keep at it. As you turn, gradually guide the string downward along the post, so it wraps evenly and is prevented from bunching together. You may hear some noises as the string bends.

Eventually, you’ll feel the string start to take some tension (no need to worry about tuning right away, that can be left until you have all the strings on). You can stop winding at this point, and move on to the next string.

Repeat the process for each string. If you have a string guide (as I do), an extra round piece of metal that is situated beneath and roughly between the third and fourth posts, make sure to thread the third (D) and fourth (G) strings beneath it, and put each string in the appropriate groove on the backside of the guide. Not all basses have this, but if yours does, it helps keep your strings in line.

With all of the strings now successfully attached, you can tune your instrument up. You may notice over the next couple of days that you will have to consistently readjust your tuning each time you play, because the strings are still getting used to being stretched out. After about a week or so though, this will likely become less of a problem.

Ready to go!

When you change strings, especially if you change gauges, there is always a chance your action - the distance the strings are from the frets - might change. If your action is too low, you can experience a lot of undesired fret buzz, because the strings are too close to the frets and inadvertently touch them. Action that is too high, conversely, can cause extra tension in the strings, which means you need to apply a lot more pressure while you play.

If you find you need an adjustment, you can either adjust the saddles on the bridge, or you can adjust the tension of your truss rod (the piece of metal that controls the curve of the neck and attaches to the instrument’s body). That’s a whole other issue though, and this piece is long enough already, so I’ll save that for another time. I hope you enjoyed reading! 🎸

[lucalicatteart]

Just a short info post on the topic of people accidentally haunting themselves through use of magic, and what is usually done when people believe they’re being haunted.  Completely random topic in the middle of things I’d rather be focusing on (the avirre’thel, elven history, etc.), but... apparently my brain was thinking about this so I had to write some about it lol

(actual info under read more, as usual..)

---------

[[ ALSO: there’s still a glitch where when viewing blogs on the side on tumblr, read more’s don’t work and it shows the full text, so I’m sorry if this appears full length. If this happens just view my blog in a new tab or something instead so there’s not long strings of text... lov tumblr being a very functional website..]]

Technically, there's no such thing as ‘spirits’ in Nanyevimi (at least not in the way we usually think of them). There are a few things that may mimic the presentation of something like a haunting, a spirit sighting, etc., (which I’m about to explain), but these are magical in nature, rather than just an actual function of the world. 

The most common phenomena that can mimic the presence of some sort of ghosts, is... essentially, people haunting themselves??? As in any world, people in Nanyevimi are still capable of convincing themselves something is true through confirmation bias based on their preexisting beliefs. Which, when much of the population consists of magic users.. can become a bit more complicated, as they do actually have the potential to unknowingly effect their surroundings. 

Essentially, anyone who's capable of using magic, even if they don't have very strong abilities (actually, especially if they don’t/are relatively untrained), can end up performing small feats of magic accidentally. This is why latent magic can be so dangerous (as explained in this post on latent/undiscovered magical abilities HERE (link)), and why especially the more powerful you are, the more significant  it is to be exceptionally well controlled, lest you accidentally blow up your house or kill someone lol.. 

So, if it's something believed by a large group of people, all of whom can use magic (such as a small rural town of elves), it can almost end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy..  A myth starts, then people begin to fulfill the myth (unknowingly) through VERY small energy barely noticeable accidental acts of magic. For example, a mysterious breeze coursing through the forest on a day where it otherwise wasn't windy, and people are like “AAAa! See! The forest is haunted!!”, when really it was one of them which caused the breeze to happen in the first place lol. Which only makes more people believe and do the same thing.

 Collective energy output like this can sometimes end up functioning similarly to an enchantment, without an actual enchantment having been placed by anyone, where the more collective belief and accidental magic bestowed into something, the more that that thing actually follows through, in a series of tiny acts over time that just gets worse the more that people buy into it*(1). 

So for example, there may be woods that are thought to be 'cursed', where bad things always happen to the people who travel through there, but rather than it being the doing of some evil ancient monster (like the locals believe), it's actually just.. literally the people who live near the forest themselves. The small bits of accidental magic seeping from them act to confirm their intentions, and cause little accidents like a branch falling on someone, someone's hat blowing off, a pothole in the road that knocks someone's wheel off their cart, etc. While it  wouldn't really be anything extreme*(2) (crafting actual apparitions, monsters, natural disasters or etc. would take far more advanced magic than what could just happen without the person knowing they’re doing it), these small things would still be enough to reconfirm the myth over time. 

(for more info on how magic, enchantments, etc. works, you can read the large masterpost sort of thing about it HERE (link))

Interestingly, you rarely if ever see this effect of “self-haunting” occur in mostly Jhevona populated areas. This is thought to be because of their cultural focus on extreme self-control and awareness of their magic, thus making it much less likely for them to unintentionally use magic. For someone so deeply in tune with their internal intentions and awareness of their magic, accidentally using magic without knowing it would be exceedingly rare. (Though in cases where this has happened, the effect is usually much more extreme, since they're capable of far more advanced magics... which is part of why they prevent this stuff from occurring in the first place. ). 

These self-hauntings also never occur in non-magical societies, and you actually rarely have stories about “ghosts” or curses or etc. in their cultures. Human (and other non-magic) cultures in the realm certainly can also fall prey to psyching themselves into things and etc., so it's not like because they can't do magic they're suddenly immune to superstition, they have plenty of similar-ish beliefs, but it's just much less prevalent for it to be genuinely reinforced in their cultures, since they usually can't find much tangible evidence. Like, if they believe something like a curse, it's usually just based on "a feeling" they get, or based in it just being a tradition that is passed down. They culturally would describe it more as a sort of  ‘energy’ instead. 

So, humans/non-magical people in the realm may have beliefs more like “Stay away from the woods because they have a repellent force, and they don’t want us near them/the gods don’t intend for us to go into them/we’ve hurt the forest’s feelings and are not allowed there now”, and would also not have much evidence for this aside from maybe a few personal stories or “gut feelings”. While among magical groups, it may be described more as “There is an evil ghost haunting these woods!/Someone has cursed these woods!”, and they MAY actually have have physical evidence of it existing/something that seems like tangible proof rather than just suspicion (despite it still usually just  being an accidental magic placebo).  Beliefs like this can stick around in certain magical cultures more prominently , because they're not as easy to discount or disprove if locals have apparently witnessed actual physical evidence of it, etc. Because it feels stronger and more personal to them, they also usually attribute it to ghosts/spirits (sometimes of ancestors), or more active/deliberate and personified parties, rather than just obscure feelings or the vague workings of gods. 

There's no real solution to people haunting themselves, other than for the group to learn what's going on and ALSO learn better magical control and discipline so it's less likely for them to cast accidental spells. If they ONLY learn what could be going on, but don't train their magic, they'll just end up repeating the same thing later, falling back into haunting themselves, since they still have underlying issues with accidental spells.  

Due to their generally higher mastery of magic, sometimes Jhevona (if there are any groups of them in the local area) will be called to help with stuff like this.  Kind of like teams of paranormal investigators, except they're just magic specialists who may come in and help test for traces of magic in an area (to see if people are casting spells accidentally or not), better train the people in the area in their magical control, etc. If the Jhevona is powerful enough in enchantment magics, sometimes they can even kind of just slap a band-aid on the issue by simply overriding whatever magic is being done with a larger enchantment which then blocks the accidental magic from coming through, effectively ending the self inflicted "curse" in the area, though it’s not a very long term solution, and people may end up haunting themselves again in other ways.  

(Though sometimes an over-riding sort of enchantment can be done to help diagnose the issue, like if they do this and the “haunting” DOESN'T go away then.. you may have some more serious problem on your hands, like a mage causing trouble intentionally, or etc.)

There are a few other things which can, on the surface, resemble a form of ‘haunting’.. Mostly just, enchantments done by malicious parties (actual people though, not ghosts.. just like.. random mages who want to trick people in a small town out of their money or something), and also occasionally forms of soul magic gone wrong can trap someone’s soul in an object or place in an unnatural way, and this can mimic the existence of ‘’spirits’’ or etc., though this one is very rare, since soul magic in general is pretty rare. I may elaborate more on those two options later, but this post was mostly about self inflicted “haunting” through accidental magic lol. 

[ *(1) note: Magic scholars disagree on whether enough collective belief in something can ACTUALLY create an enchantment without an enchantment being set. All magic seems to based on intention, but especially enchantments are extremely literal in that sense, so it could follow that if enough people intend something, and enough people are accidentally seeping magic into that intention and giving it an actual energy behind it, it may genuinely become it’s own ‘independent magical function’ (what enchantments basically are), “feeding” itself (as all enchantments must be recharged over time) on the magical energy output of the collective group.

But, it’s commonly thought (and observed) that enchantments must be specifically set by one individual (though that individual can draw energy from others as part of it), and that they also take a great deal of magical energy to set up (which is why it’s mostly Jhevona and other higher-energy magical species who do them, rather than lower energy beings like elves).  Whether a collective group of people could create a genuine enchantment function just by casting enough intention and fueling it with accidental magical leaks is still uncertain, but would definitely be interesting from a magical study point (and would confirm some less common beliefs that magic to a degree operates on it’s own.. since this would effectively be like.. an enchantment casting itself just because there was enough intention and energy going around. But, that’s a debate for the magic scholars (who already spend most of their time arguing about this stuff anyway lol).]

[ *(2) note:  It should be noted that this ‘unintentional magic’ really only manifests through minor physical alterations of the environment, or other very small simple spells. Things like Illusion magics and etc. are so powerful and inaccessible that it's not like someone could just 'accidentally' do them, even if casting illusions or hearing voices would go along with the idea of placebo hauntings. Though in some ways magic can seem like it has a mind of it’s own and is never fully controllable, there are still plenty of user based limitations.

Much of magic is intention based, meaning it is affected by your mental state. If you try to cast a spell to burn your house down, but you don’t really actually want to burn your house down, you will have mental resistance  (unless you’re immaculately well trained) and the spell will probably not actually work. You'd end up casting the fire somewhere else and burning a random stranger to death or just shooting water at your house or something instead, etc.  

Which of course, this means that SOME things can be done on intention alone.. but these primarily involve pure energy magic, or simplistic elemental magic. Some basic magics like these can be utilized (to a primitive degree) without training or much knowledge, since they mostly consist of pure bursts of unaltered energy, rather than a careful manipulation of energy or matter. Most higher level magics are too complex and require a lot of very intentional manipulation based on former knowledge, so it'd be nearly impossible for someone to do them just 'accidentally' .

Unintentional magic usually exists solely in the form of like, accidentally creating a breeze, or moving an object, shooting out a burst of energy at someone who has attacked you even if you didn't MEAN to hurt them and it was just an accidental self defense out of your body being surprised (also why they say to never sneak up on mages lol), accidentally setting a fire, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that it'd be impossible for someone to 'accidentally' perform some feat of magic that they're not trained for/otherwise incapable of.

 If you're ALREADY an illusion magics user, you could accidentally use illusion magics perhaps under certain specific conditions, but if you're just some random elf with very little magical training who's convincing themselves of a placebo haunting, you're not going to be able to break out some master level illusions spell if you can't already do that normally, etc. “Weak” accidental magic can still cause massive damage, kill yourself and people around you, destroy your environment, etc. even with just simple pure energy magics, so like.. it’s still Dangerous, and unintentional magic can operate in pretty hazardous ways, but , you’re also just not going to be able to accidentally do stuff that’s WAY beyond your scope to already reasonably be able to do. ]]

[hamliet]

MDZS meets MBTI

The Myers-Briggs Personality type is older than the Enneagram, and consists of sixteen types based on four different pairs of personality traits: Introversion vs. Extroversion; Sensing vs. Intuition, Feeling vs. Thinking, and Perceiving vs. Judging. To be clear, none of these categories are black and white–for example, all Feelers are capable of using logic, and Thinkers have feelings and care about people–but it’s a cool way of understanding personalities.

I’m not going to do every character, but simply the characters I think are most important and the ones for whom I have the most information to analyze (some is def guesswork). :P Also, this is just my opinion and definitely open to debate! MBTI isn’t a science; it’s just something I do for fun. 

Wei WuXian-->ENFP “The Campaigner” 

Unlike many of the others, Wei WuXian’s type seems very, very obvious. He might be the most ENFP to ever ENFP. 

The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate... if they’ve found a cause that sparks their imagination, ENFPs will bring an energy that oftentimes thrusts them into the spotlight, held up by their peers as a leader and a guru – but this isn’t always where independence-loving ENFPs want to be. 

Lan WangJi-->ISTJ “The Logistician”

Why yes, Lan WangJi is the exact opposite of his beloved Wei WuXian. He’s another one that seems pretty obvious to me. 

ISTJ personalities are no-nonsense... ISTJs have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details...

ISTJ personalities adhere to established rules and guidelines regardless of cost, reporting their own mistakes and telling the truth even when the consequences for doing so could be disastrous. To ISTJs, honesty is far more important than emotional considerations, and their blunt approach leaves others with the false impression that ISTJs are cold, or even robotic. People with this type may struggle to express emotion or affection outwardly, but the suggestion that they don’t feel, or worse have no personality at all, is deeply hurtful.

Jiang Cheng-->ISTJ “The Logistician” 

Yes, the same type as Lan WangJi, just a tad more bitter. Personality tests, even if two people seem to fit a type extremely well, can’t define someone, because people are just so infinitely more complex. The part about being taken advantage of reminds me here of how Jin GuangYao points out that people took advantage of Jiang Cheng’s need to prove himself to drive a wedge between him and Wei WuXian. 

ISTJs’ dedication is an excellent quality, allowing them to accomplish much, but it is also a core weakness that less scrupulous individuals take advantage of. ISTJs seek stability and security, considering it their duty to maintain a smooth operation, and they may find that their coworkers and significant others shift their responsibilities onto them, knowing that they will always take up the slack. ISTJs tend to keep their opinions to themselves and let the facts do the talking, but it can be a long time before observable evidence tells the whole story.

Lan XiChen-->ENFJ “The Protagonist” 

Sadly, this description is pretty accurate to Lan XiChen’s strengths and also his flaws--in particular in terms of his relationship with Jin GuangYao. 

ENFJs radiate authenticity, concern and altruism, unafraid to stand up and speak when they feel something needs to be said. They find it natural and easy to communicate with others, especially in person, and their Intuitive (N) trait helps people with the ENFJ personality type to reach every mind, be it through facts and logic or raw emotion. ENFJs easily see people’s motivations and seemingly disconnected events, and are able to bring these ideas together and communicate them as a common goal with an eloquence that is nothing short of mesmerizing.

The interest ENFJs have in others is genuine, almost to a fault – when they believe in someone, they can become too involved in the other person’s problems, place too much trust in them.

Jin GuangYao-->ESFJ (?) “The Consul”

This one I’m less certain of--FJ seems certain to me, but I/E and N/S is a bit debatable. I think he best meets the description of “the Consul” though. 

ESFJs are more concerned with fashion and their appearance, their social status and the standings of other people... ESFJs love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. Coming to terms with their sensitivity is ESFJs’ biggest challenge – people are going to disagree and they’re going to criticize, and while it hurts, it’s just a part of life. 

Nie MingJue-->ESTJ “The Executive” 

Less certain of E or I than for the other three, but the way he failed to overcome the challenge of how not everyone processes the same way seems very ESTJ to me. 

ESTJs are representatives of tradition and order, utilizing their understanding of what is right, wrong and socially acceptable to bring families and communities together. Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the ESTJ personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance, and they happily lead the way on difficult paths. 

ESTJs are aware of their surroundings and live in a world of clear, verifiable facts – the surety of their knowledge means that even against heavy resistance, they stick to their principles and push an unclouded vision of what is and is not acceptable... they expect their reliability and work ethic to be reciprocated – people with this personality type meet their promises, and if partners or subordinates jeopardize them through incompetence or laziness, or worse still, dishonesty, they do not hesitate to show their wrath... 

The main challenge for ESTJs is to recognize that not everyone follows the same path or contributes in the same way.

Nie HuaiSang-->ISFP “The Adventurer” 

Interesting name for a timid HuaiSang, but I really do think he is an ISFP. He is notably one of the few Nie Sect leaders who doesn’t seem at risk of dying from a qi deviation, and hence his less brutish way of ruling might actually, in the long run, be good for his sect. (NMJ would be proud... maybe.) 

ISFP personality types are true artists, but not necessarily in the typical sense where they’re out painting happy little trees. Often enough though, they are perfectly capable of this. Rather, it’s that they use aesthetics, design and even their choices and actions to push the limits of social convention...

If these goals and principles are noble, ISFPs can act with amazing charity and selflessness – but it can also happen that people with the ISFP personality type establish a more self-centered identity, acting with selfishness, manipulation and egoism. 

Wen Qing-->ENTJ “The Commander” 

Another one I feel fairly confident in. Wen Qing is a boss queen who gives birth to one of the series’ most iconic lines: “thank you, and I’m sorry.” She’s able to win the respect of Wen RouHan and even some people who hate the Wens, and thinks outside the box, theorizing on core transfer but hesitant to actually try it when she isn’t fully confident. 

ENTJs are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. But unlike their Feeling (F) counterpart, ENTJs are characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves.

Wen Ning-->INFP “The Mediator”

I was torn between S and N, but I went with INFP because he is more focused on thinking about possibilities--in fact his arc is about learning to be confident in his own possibilities and to explore them.

INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, INFPs have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. 

Jin ZiXuan--> ESTP, “The Entrepreneur” 

Does he have enough of a personality for me to really analyze him? Maybe not but I like him a lot. He is motivated by what seems like pride at the beginning, but we later realize he cares deeply about the people around him and genuinely cared for Wei WuXian because his wife did. 

Inspiring, convincing and colorful, they are natural group leaders, pulling everyone along the path less traveled, bringing life and excitement everywhere they go. Putting these qualities to a constructive and rewarding end is Entrepreneurs’ true challenge.

Jiang YanLi-->INFP “The Mediator” 

Shijie was indeed the mediator between her two brothers, and it’s her legacy of love and kindness, of wanting Wei WuXian to live even at the expense of her own life no matter what he’d done, that makes a huge difference.  

Luckily, like the flowers in spring, INFP’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back, rewarding them and those they love perhaps not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go.

Jin Ling-->ESTP, “The Entrepreneur” 

Jin Ling is the hardest one to pin down and I’m mad because he’s one of my favorites. He is highly emotional, but I think he’s an ESTP like his dad.

Entrepreneurs keep their conversation energetic, with a good dose of intelligence, but they like to talk about what is – or better yet, to just go out and do it. Entrepreneurs leap before they look, fixing their mistakes as they go, rather than sitting idle, preparing contingencies and escape clauses.

Lan SiZhui-->INFJ “The Advocate” 

My type. 

INFJs indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. 

Lan JingYi-->ESFP “The Entertainer” 

He’s pretty easy to figure out. I constantly wonder how he fares in the Gusu Lan Sect. 

...they love putting on a show for their friends too, chatting with a unique and earthy wit, soaking up attention and making every outing feel a bit like a party. Utterly social, ESFPs enjoy the simplest things, and there’s no greater joy for them than just having fun with a good group of friends.

Xue Yang-->ESTP “The Entrepreneur” 

ESTPs are the likeliest personality type to make a lifestyle of risky behavior. They live in the moment and dive into the action – they are the eye of the storm. People with the ESTP personality type enjoy drama, passion, and pleasure, not for emotional thrills, but because it’s so stimulating to their logical minds. They are forced to make critical decisions based on factual, immediate reality in a process of rapid-fire rational stimulus response.

A-Qing-->ESTP “The Entrepreneur” 

Yes, I think A-Qing is the same type as Xue Yang, which doesn’t surprise me because they are actually extremely blatant foils in the story. It’s funny the description notes how observant ESTPs tend to be, because that’s something A-Qing absolutely is, noticing Xue Yang’s minuscule changes in expression and keeping her from trusting him, and Xue Yang is also incredibly observant of her words to realize she might just not be blind after all. 

With perhaps the most perceptive, unfiltered view of any type, ESTPs have a unique skill in noticing small changes. Whether a shift in facial expression, a new clothing style, or a broken habit, people with this personality type pick up on hidden thoughts and motives where most types would be lucky to pick up anything specific at all. ESTPs use these observations immediately, calling out the change and asking questions, often with little regard for sensitivity. ESTPs should remember that not everyone wants their secrets and decisions broadcast.

Xiao XingChen-->ISFJ “The Defender” 

The following description really reminds me of XXC especially after he hears the story about Xue Yang’s love of candy as a child, and every single day thereafter buys him and A-Qing a candy. 

ISFJs take their responsibilities personally, consistently going above and beyond, doing everything they can to exceed expectations and delight others, at work and at home... Naturally social, an odd quality for Introverts, ISFJs utilize excellent memories not to retain data and trivia, but to remember people, and details about their lives. When it comes to gift-giving, ISFJs have no equal, using their imagination and natural sensitivity to express their generosity in ways that touch the hearts of their recipients

Song Lan-->INTJ “The Architect” 

There’s not as much to go on for Song Lan, but what we do have seems to suggest INTJ to me, particularly in how someone who would spend years looking for a friend would refuse to consider that Xue Yang might have changed at all. 

INTJs are simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics, a seemingly impossible conflict. 

Yu ZiYuan-->ESTJ “The Executive” 

Welp. The Purple Spider is definitely an Executive.

ESTJs are representatives of tradition and order, utilizing their understanding of what is right, wrong and socially acceptable to bring families and communities together. Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the ESTJ personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance, and they happily lead the way on difficult paths. 

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 97: After, You

Rise and shine, everyone! It’s September 12th, and you all know what that means right?  That means it’s the fourth year anniversary of January! Hurray!  And what better way to celebrate, than with a good ol’ Chapter rant on one of the most infamous chapters in BCB.  And after all the hype and shit I’ve heard about this chapter I can’t wait to dive right in, sink my teeth in, and properly dissect it! Hmm, that came out a lot hungrier than I thought…

We start off with a bit more of Lucy’s mom being really cute and funny.  Although I will say it’s kind of surprising to see that this takes place immediately where the last chapter left off.  I guess I’m so used to time frames between chapters being out of whack so much, I just got used to there being missing days or pieces.   Can’t tell if good thing or not.

Also, just to point it out. Dat Size Difference Tho.  Lucy’s mom is one small mama…or maybe Paulo’s exposure to Daisy gave him some of that mutant radiation and made him huge.  Either way!

We spend the first pages of this chapter doing…homework?  Kinda weird, I guess it helps to show Lucy and Paulo being nice together.  It’s just pointless ship sailing really, and we all know how that’s gonna g-

Bruh…

Wut?

O-oh we’re just going to brush past that?  We’re just going to move on, from that random as fuck cross-ship?  That’s what we’re doing? OH NO NO NO, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! LET’S RECAP FOR A SECOND SHALL WE? WHAT DID WE JUST GET FROM THE LAST CHAPTER?

The emerging of Paulo and Daisy’s relationship.

The complete obliteration of Paulo and Rachel’s relationship.

And finally the revival of Paulo and Lucy’s relationship.  WHICH IS WHAT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GET INTO WITH THIS CHAPTER!  Putting myself in the writer’s seat for a moment, I thought well hey!  This is going to be a little ship ride!  And because I have ADHD I can’t really remember what the fuck actually happened in this chapter or what it was really about, but hey!  Maybe this is where Taeshi is going to focus on Paulo and Lucy, try and build up this ship and make us give a shit about it.  But noooo, that’s too focused for Taeshi!  Gotta get that shipping battle in, get that nice dramatic romance conflict!  That’s what the fans, and dedicated readers are really here for!  

THE FIRST FOUR PAGES! Before we get into what this chapter is actually about, before we know what we’re even in for, before we get to the real shit people want to read about, we gotta remind them that Paulo likes Daisy!  And I mean REALLY REALLY likes her!  Because fuck, they might’ve forgotten about that!  I mean it was only built up recently, was on the rocks for a bit, but got ironed out and set up IN THE LAST FUCKING CHAPTER!  What’s the point of this?  Why bring up that Paulo likes Daisy?  Do you think your audience whom you constantly bait with pairings, and relationships, would need to be hit over the head with a shoehorned reminder that Paulo has feelings for Daisy?!

Actually, yeah I think it’s pretty clear Taeshi has some contempt for her audience.  Given she thinks we need to be hit over the head this hard and often.  It’s honestly insulting, and I only read this shit occasionally.  I don’t know how some of you can put up with this crap.  Do the concussions just numb the pain after a while?  Whatever let’s get to the fun stuff.

Anyway, Paulo is walking with Lucy and it’s honestly not bad.  It feels weird for Paulo to be so desperate, but given that Lucy almost fucking died and was gone forever…Yeah it’s understandable.  But this though…

Uhhh…Paulo?  A-are you trying to scare Lucy?  …what?

Why are you t-rexing right now?  What’s wrong with your arms? Why are you explaining it like this? I mean I can get excited maybe?  But he seems ELATED about drama which is…dare I say…a smidge out of character?  What is this?  Also, I actually got tripped up reading this panel and I think that might be the positioning of the word bubbles because instead of using the traditional method of:

For whatever reason, in this panel specifically it’s:

Which is unnatural for most English readers, who end reading on the right.  So I didn’t even realize that Paulo said “Whuh?” there when I moved to the next panel.  Making the emotional shift in his character more jarring when he switches from oddly joking around, to:

Being moody, to Lucy’s disinterest.  But that’s just an odd thing I picked up after going through again to write this rant. It’s not THAT big of an issue, but I do have to ask:

Really? That’s what you got out of that? Paulo says that all your friends were really upset that you were gone, and that’s your response?  That’s the only thing you have to say about this?  Geeze, it’s almost like you don’t really care.

But anyway, we’re finally on to the Carnival.  And we actually do get some nice and interesting dialogue here.

Paulo starts to talk about the things she’s missed out on since she was gone, and it’s actually pretty nice. I like Paulo being more relaxed and natural, playing around with Lucy.  Although someone pointed something out to me that really deserves a mention:

Again?  Paulo is poor, but he’s never been one to “borrow” or mooch off his friends, especially not Lucy.  Paulo has consistently never let his poverty be a burden to anyone else, and it is a real positive factor about him that shows his selflessness.  Paulo to my knowledge never did stuff like that, he was the one who bought Daisy lunch, even when Mike was buying Paulo sodas for the contest it wasn’t like Paulo was mooching off Mike’s money to win the contest. It was more of a mutual effort, since Mike couldn’t stomach the stuff.   Lucy thinking Paulo would “borrow” things just seems so weird to bring up.  And I know none of this stuff is really major or that worth mentioning but honestly…

There is really not much to talk about here.  Imma be real witchu chief, I’m a little underwhelmed right now.  Guest of Honor had me gripped and had fun in the first parts, Boy Toy I could tear apart with its dumb decisions and missed opportunities, and so on and so forth, but this… This is weird.  It’s not that aggravating really, the next page after this is just Paulo and lucy doing rides.   I guess y’know, after 5 chapters that knock you around and turn my stomach inside out with force fed bullshit, I guess you gotta have a nice mediocre one to help mellow you out after a while.   I’m not really complaining, but I just heard so much about this I expected more y’know? I was hoping for something a bit more to sink my teeth into.  

But anyway, back to the comic.  Lucy asks Paulo about Abbey and Daisy (for some reason, honestly it seems she doesn’t care about the group anymore so why ask about them, and also why them?  They’re like the least close to Lucy why would she care about them?)  and…

…what?

*groan* fuck I found something to say.

First of all.  That Face.  Stop That Face.  Secondly, who the hell are you?  I know I said in the previous chapter, that Lucy is no longer Lucy, but this here really solidifies it and is very concerning.  Who the fuck is this?  Lucy has always been snarky; she’s always been one to goad people.  But she was never one to be eager to dig into other people’s drama like this!  What the heck is this?  Who the heck is this? Oh fuck it, whatever she’s a lost cause now.

At least they’re actually talking now which is something I can take some solace behind.  And also, yeah really Lucy!  You would’ve known that if you GAVE A DAMN!  

Okay I need to make up a new name for this new Lucy.  Cause I will never stop comparing her to the Lucy character that had been set up, built upon, and established before unless I make some title that draws a clear distinction to say that she isn’t Lucy.  Because this is so fucking weird to hear from Lucy, digging for drama, and stirring the pot directly like this.  Being such an asshole, and blatantly badmouthing Daisy like this behind her back.   This is not Lucy, I refuse to call her that in the horrible fear that this might actually affect my own view of Lucy, and thus my characterization of Lucy in my own comic.  Hmm, I’m thinking…how about Lacie?  Yeah that sounds good.  It’s like it’s ALMOST Lucy, but it’s not.  And it’s easy to remember, like Madison’s name!  Cause you shorten that to Maddie, and it perfectly encapsulates her entire character which is that she’s mad!   And Lacie perfectly encapsulates this character because…

I am a cheeky asshole.

Will say though, this panel got a smile out of me.  So that’s good.

Anyway, Lacie and Paulo are talking about Drunk Daisy, and it’s alright.  There’s some shipping tension and shit, and I’m just like…

Alright, guy get to the point.  At what point am I supposed to lose my shit at this chapter?  I swear to god, it’s January’s fucking birthday.  Don’t ruin this for me.  Gimme the fuckin’ goods.  Gimme something interesting.

Oh shit, Lacie just found out about Abbey strangling Paulo!  Oh shit, this is interesting!  

Awww Lacie is actually showing some fucking compassion to her friend!  Ignoring this being a blatant ship sailing moment, this is actually interesting!  Alright, you have my attention.  Where are we goi-

…

WHAT?!  BITCH ARE YOU FUCKIN’ F’REAL SHAKES RIGHT NOW?! YOUR FRIEND JUST TOLD YOU THAT YOUR OTHER FRIEND FUCKING THROATPUNCHED AND THREATENED HIM! AND YOU IMMEDIATELY JUMP TO GETTING UPSET WITH HIM ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?!  THAT’S THE NEXT THING ON YOUR MIND?!  THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GONNA BRING UP? RIGHT NOW?!  YOUR BROTHER BEING IN A CAR ACCIDENT?  A CAR ACCIDENT THAT WAS MONTHS AGO!  YOU’RE GONNA GET ON HIM ABOUT THAT, EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW IT WASN’T HIS FAULT, EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW JORDAN WASN’T HURT, EVEN WHEN YOU WERE LITERALLY THERE TO SEE BOTH YOUR BROTHER AND PAULO IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!  

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! THIS CHAPTER IS LIKE REAL LIFE LAG ON A FREEWAY!  YOU’RE SWAPPING FROM BEING DEAD STOPPED TO GOING 100MPH TO IMMEDIATELY DEAD STOP AGAIN! WHAT IS THIS?  AND ALSO!

What is this tone shift? Lacie goes from caring and comforting with Paulo, to yelling at him, to being sad.  And I know!  Mood swings! Lacie is fucking broken, that is without a shadow of a doubt, but that doesn’t change the fact that this emotional rollercoaster is whiplashing me so hard my neck has the structural integrity of a wet noodle!  I’ve never seen a tonal shift like this before.  This isn’t just jumping emotions page to page; it’s fucking PANEL TO PANEL! What the fuck is this writing?!

Yes, I know I made a whole rant all about January this week, but bitch I will not pass an opportunity to make a good referential joke.  Also

“Abbey’s not that bad.” LACIE YOU DUMB SLUT!  YOU LITERALLY JUST HEARD HOW HE FUCKING THROAT PUNCHED PAULO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Even ignoring that, Lucy (the real one) NEVER really liked Abbey.  In fact, she was the one person who actually rebuffed Abbey’s white knight schtick!

But let’s go back to the comic for a second, because I ain’t done.

That sure is a lot of presumptions for someone who ADMITTED SHE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON!

BUT SINCE YOU APPARENTLY HAVE THIS ALL FIGURED OUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CHARACTER?  

Who the fuck is this character? At least Paulo is speaking some fucking sense here!  So that’s one character who isn’t completely ruined. But seriously, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this character?  

Wait!  You know what this character is?  After the recovery she seems to have all the answers?  She’s acting like she knows everything, that she doesn’t.  It’s like she’s trying to fucking make things go right, but she’s just…so…hateful…

Oh, I see what this is. This is like the result someone would get if they heard what I wanted to do with Lucy being proactive, trying to fix her messes, and standing up for herself; tried to recreate it but not knowing me outside of my negative views of the comic, and ignoring the actual adherence I put to the character.  This is what Taeshi thinks I think Lucy should be.  I feel like this is just one big stab at me… And if it ain’t…Then it’s just a stab in the heart to every fan who gave a shit about Lucy.

Also, dat mad tone shift again tho.

… Alright, just one more January reference.

Please just let me have this one, I just fucking love this scene.

BUT ANYWAY

Oh wow, it’s so beautiful. It’s like I’m looking at a real carnival from way up high…with my glasses off.  Alright, I kid I’m not gonna pick on Taeshi for not going all out on one panel, but it is a bit amusing given the dialogue (and knowing Taeshi can definitely make this look much, much better)

But aww isn’t that nice?

Such a nice sweet scene, of Paulo and Lucy comforting each other, and Lucy accepting the embrace.   It’s really sweet and cute, and there is nothing bad for me to speak about here.  Yet.

“What we did?”

Heh well that’s a queer statement.  

Wonder what you meant by that, Lacie.  Would you like to elaborate?  

Please tell the rest of the class...

What. You. Did.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

[reuska]

6, 18 and 42

6. Something they instantly liked about the place?

The landscapes and architecture. Shortly followed by the fact that all the knightly traits were still alive in that place. You know, honor, chivalry, selflessness, bravery… Especially in men, that was very attractive to her. And made her feel even more like a complete trash. xD

18. How are their tactician abilities discovered?

It was Chrom’s doing. Besides Sharena who’s universally friendly, Chrom was Reuska’s first friend in the FE realms. While the Order (mainly Anna and Alfonse) perceived her as a complete disappointment and a joke of a Summoner, Chrom’s first impression of her was completely different. He was Reuska’s first summon and he eavesdropped on her as she was arguing with Geir (seemingly with herself). She was refusing to perform the summoning on a country’s ruler, that was strongly against her morals. But Chrom was in a difficult stage of his life, three years after the war, feeling like a prisoner in a golden cage and mourning for his lost wife. The more Reuska tried to talk him out of going, the more he wanted to rebel and do just that. But he saw that she was putting his country’s interest before her own and that earned his respect. Besides, something about her demeanor reminded him of Skara and it felt intriguing and refreshing to him. That’s their dynamics in a nutshell.

Well, and during the first stage of her stay, Reuska spent her time by just slacking around, feeling like a miserable piece of trash, only summoning when possible. No one wanted more from her, no one expected she would be capable of more. She was already framed as a useless human being. Well, not at summoning, she made an impression by bringing Chrom so early, but that was pretty much all.

At some point she got a short introduction to basic strategy, just so she would not mess up and go in someone’s way. I’m not yet sure who would teach her, maybe even Alfonse, out of obligation, but certainly someone else with him.

Since the strategy is not decided by just one person in my HC, but a war council consisting of important royals and commanders, Chrom one day suggests they should invite Reuska as well because she is crucial for the whole thing. It doesn’t exactly meet with an excitement on neither side but the invitation is made and as much as Reuska doesn’t want to go (she always tries to avoid any exposure of her uselessness), she would feel even worse to refuse. She feels really bad at the meeting, trying to stay back, out of sight, only imagining what a bother she must be for everyone. It gets worse when Anna starts to present her strategy plan because Reuska just can’t see any sense in it. As she is listening to Anna’s presentation, she’s making faces: frowning, raising eyebrows, raising her lips… and Chrom notices. Skara used to do exactly the same thing when she didn’t agree with something which makes him ask Reuska what’s wrong. As happy as she can be, Reuska has to admit that even though she has been introduced to the strategy basics, she still fails to understand the positioning in Anna’s plan. That sparks some interest in the council and Reuska is asked, by Anna herself, to explain.

Well, and Reuska burns down the whole plan. One by one, she points out gaps in the troop positioning, unconsidered scenarios,… and she’s completely oblivious. She’s seriously convinced she’s just exposing her lack of knowledge, making herself look like an even bigger idiot.

I don’t have to add she made an impression that day… ;D

42. How will their story end?

That’s a long and detailed story, get ready xD

Nearly at the very end of the Feh story, whatever the final battle will be, Reuska makes an attempt to summon Skara - to make Chrom happy, as a thank you for everything he has done for her. She almost suffocates in the process but she actually manages to bring Skara back from the void (in a really bad shape, skinny, almost bald) which sparks a negative reaction among most of the Heroes as they fear that bringing back Skara brought Grima back as well. Alfonse is not part of the opposition, he freshly discovered the true nature of his feelings for Reuska so he tends to make excuses for her, besides, he’s worried about her as she has been unconscious ever since the summoning. The final battle draws near and neither Reuska, nor Skara have awoken yet so the Order has to leave them behind in a base camp. When Reuska finally wakes up, Skara is already conscious and the two talk. It turns out, to Reuska’s horror, that Skara is still Grima as well. Even though the Fell Dragon is under Skara’s control now, she has changed, becoming more “grima-ish” (more selfish, little caring about the greater good, she only cares about her closest ones). However, upon talking with Reuska who’s strikingly honest in her terror, Skara takes a liking of her and decides to join her cause. She summons the dragon and the two women fly on its back to the battlefield where they side with the Order and kick the final villain’s ass.

There is this moment of happiness when Reuska hugs with Alfonse and he whispers to her that she did it, she won the war. But since the war is really over, Geir’s curse is finally lifted and the original summoner finally materializes in front of them. It’s not a happy meeting, though, as he immediately informs them that together with the curse, his unique ability to open a portal to Earth is vanishing as well and they have literal seconds to send Reuska back. He opens the portal and Reuska has to choose. She’s still paralyzed by the sudden turn of events so she looks at Alfonse and he, just as paralyzed, says “Go!”. So she leaves. The portal closes and it’s over.

This pretty much breaks Alfonse. We all know how badly he took Bruno’s disappearance and he had already developed a tighter bond with Reuska during the years of war. And that doesn’t even take his romantic feelings in account. And worst of all, he can’t handle the guilt that he chased her away himself (as he sees it). (It’s not hard to guess why he did it, in the limited time he had, he thought more of her than of himself and he didn’t want Reuska to miss the chance to get back home.) He drops his Order membership, stops his daily sword training and locks himself away from the world in a library and his study and rarely comes outside. He begins to study magic which he always had a decent affinity for but never liked. Generally he gives up all the things he loved and takes on things he hated - to punish himself and keep twisting the dagger in the wound. He doesn’t really care much about his appearance, he lets his hair grow, that’s why my older Alfonse has a ponytail.

This takes two years. In that time, while Alfonse is emo in his quarters, Geir is actually working hard to find a way to Earth to fix things (this all is ultimately his fault, it all goes back to his failure hundreds years ago). After two years he is finally successful and approaches emo Alfonse with his findings which kicks up the emo boy (well, emo man now) back into a hopeful mood. They need both Askran and Emblan royal blood so they are joined by Veronica and together travel to Reuska’s home city. Luckily, Geir knows the place a bit thanks to the years of him “living” in Reuska’s mind so they manage to find her and she, overjoyed, accomodates them at her place. What was two years in Zenith was only four months on Earth but it was still very painful for her. And Alfonse, similar to Reuska after entering the FE realms, experiences a heavy case of suddenly lowered self-esteem. He loves the place, all the technology, science, knowledge - but it also means a painful realization that his own world is stuck with its development and has been stuck for centuries. Suddenly he’s certain that they all must have seemed like savages to Reuska which kind of complicates his initial plan to confess, grab her and live happily ever after. He is certain she would never willingly leave that wonderful place and go back with him. And Reuska never considered the option that Al could actually love her back, so she thinks they just came for a visit to properly say good bye and will leave soon. So the two dance around each other in a denser and denser atmosphere, they actually even have a fight because of all those unspoken things. And then they finally have a proper, honest talk, confess and after a round of getting parent’s consent (it’s an honor issue for Al) they leave for Askr and marry. Yaaayy.

They have three children, Geir, Zacharias and Alice. After Zacharias is born, Alfonse becomes the king (this version counts with either of his parents being alive at the time - might change) because there is a tradition of handing over the rule once the successor successfully fathers at least two of his own successors xD Geir (named after “uncle Geir”) is an impudent pacifistic healer and that kind of person you really, REALLY don’t want to get into an argument with because he won’t stop. But he’s a direct, just man and a good king material. Zacharias is a technical mind and the family black sheep. All he thinks about is Earth (they occasionally visit their granparents) and he doesn’t care about his Askran heritage, training and studies. He would probably be a green mage but… he studies physics texbooks from Earth instead. And once Alice profiles as an another ideal, responsible royal child, he makes a scene that he’s moving to Earth and eventually gets an unhappy consent from both his parents (Al is especially salty because that’s what he would do as well if he could) and leaves for Earth where he becomes a mechanical engineer (with the support of Reuska’s parents).

After Geir marries and has his own two children, Alfonse gives him the crown and that’s when Reuska can finally tell him that they are moving to Earth as well. She knew Alfonse never stopped loving that place, no matter what she told him, and that he dreamed of living and studying there. She waited for Geir to start his family because she didn’t want Al to be impatient with his son and giving up the rule. Alfonse is thrilled and SOOO happy when he’s finally told about the plan :). So the two finally go back to Earth. Alfonse gets his degree in astrophysics and becomes a professor. He might give it a try as a local politician too, I’m not yet sure. They travel a lot and stay in touch with Zacharias and his family. Interesting note: they are about the same age with Reuska’s parents when they leave Askr (the time difference).

Phew.

[maiji]

@logicheartsoul Thank you so much for the kind words ^^ And certainly - thank you for your interest and for asking! I love working with ink so I’m happy to talk about it :D

How I got into it

It's only been in the last maybe five or so years that I've actually started to pay more attention to art supplies. In the case of ink, it really started with fountain pens. Long story short, one of my professors was really into them and let me try one of his vintage pens, and I was vaguely interested. Then my best friend really got into them, and I tagged along to a fountain pen show (shoutout to Scriptus Toronto!!). From there it was a slow burn over a period of months from “this is neat” to “WOWWW OKAY I GUESS I’M REALLY INTO THIS NOW”. It was a (relatively, for me) quick entry once I discovered the online fountain pen community. These people are incredibly passionate, highly articulate, and best of all, document EVERYTHING. I found the ink reviews especially spectacular and that’s probably what hooked me the most.

A few other things that helped in the appeal factor:

I have a tendency to grip writing implements excessively hard and exert a lot of unnecessary pressure when writing or drawing with more conventional pens (ballpoints etc.) A number of people mentioned that fountain pens helped them to alleviate this because generally you don’t need/want to apply pressure when using them. I’ve found it has helped.

I've always been interested in forms that combine words and images, and this merges literary and artistic worlds in a very clear way.

I’ve been on a long personal journey of wanting to incorporate much more Chinese/Taiwanese/East Asian heritage and cultural traditions into my work. Thus, I've been gravitating towards things emphasizing brush, ink, water, elements of calligraphy and... not sure if spontaneity is the word I want, but things that help me overthink less when I draw, and get better at letting go. 

How I work with ink

My (main) tools

Fude de mannen: This is basically a fountain pen that mimics a brush for Asian calligraphy. It has a bent nib that enables you to change stroke thickness by varying your hand angle. I love this pen so much I got a second one so I could have a different colour; the washi tape helps me tell which one it is. You can see more of it in the video interview I did with PindotPress.

Brush pen: A pen that is a brush. lol. A number of companies make them; I use the Pentel Pocket Brush because it's the first one I tried and I liked it a lot. It's smooth, has great line variation, and the tip has yet to fail me. (Although the cap started falling apart, hence all the tape on my first one lol.) I currently have three: one for permanent black, one for permanent red, and one because I couldn’t resist buying a coloured version of the pen (I have Diamine Earl Grey in it right now).

Glass dip pen: These dip pens are pretty but what is super awesome is that they are super easy and fast to clean. I can quickly switch between multiple colours of bottled inks. The grooves in the nib hold ink, so you need to slightly turn the pen as you go to access all the ink. You can also get a wider stroke by slanting the pen and using the side of the glass nib. It's not that easy to control your lines, but I actually like this because it creates a lot of happy accidents. And “oops well damn" accidents, but like I said I’m trying to cultivate the whole “learn to let go" mindset.

Waterbrush: Basically a brush that carries its own water reservoir. I’ve used a few different brands but I find I like the Pentel Aquash small the best. Some people fill them with ink like a brush pen, but I’ve not really done that. (I did it once with a different brand that was harder to open/refill and I got mad.) I use it to paint with the inks.

Pencil I got for free: Unless I really am just doodling, I usually draw base pencils of some sort, even if it’s just a very rough, light sketch or a quick thumbnail on another sheet of paper. Every so often I get an inquiry asking what special kind of pencil I use, but I’m afraid they’re just normal pencils rolled with recycled newsprint. I got free samples like a million years ago and I have been using them forever. (I think I’m finally down to my last three.)

Eraser: I’ve been trying a few different ones but it takes me forever to work through an eraser. You want it to be able to pick up the lines without requiring you to scrub and take the ink too or destroying the fibres of your paper. This one actually works pretty well. If you’re really curious you can see the non-destroyed packaging here! lol

Toilet or tissue paper: Something to pick up the water. This is my "undo button” in real life when I’m painting/using the waterbrush. Also I drown everything with water so it’s very important.

Ink swatches: Every time I get a new ink I make a sample and add it here. It’s great for colour palettes and when I’m looking at other inks and trying to decide whether to get it or not (e.g., is it different from everything I already have? My definition of “different” is very generous...). I don’t actually have all these inks; some were samples from friends. I’ve found I tend to gravitate towards very complex, nuanced neutrals. (This sounds so sophisticated but when you see them all it once it's like. Oh. Apparently I like shades of grey, brown, and other hard to classify "muddy" or in-between colours lmao. But more on that in a bit.) Lately I've been getting glittery inks because they're fun and they add a magical dimension to the physical piece.

Here is my current selection of inks - on the shelf to the immediate left of my laptop and my head as I am typing this right now. The box at the bottom left is all the samples. 

My approach

In my mind, I broadly classify my approach into two categories: “dry” and “wet”.

"Dry" - ink only, no water. I have pretty unsteady hands and hate "inking" - if we think of inking as an exercise in achieving a "clean", controlled line drawing with consistent line width/stroke thickness, neatness, etc. So I love pens that support me in what I think of as controlled loss of control - wide variations in brush width and stroke character. Brush pens and fude de mannen pens are perfect for this. They have lines that offer a wide range of dynamic, organic, and textural opportunity.  My Inktober illustrations fall into this category. A few examples below, followed by links to the full set.

Inktober 2017 - fude de mannen

Inktober 2018 - brush pen

"Wet" - Basically I blob water around. Depending on when I do it (before, with/during, after the application of the ink), you can get different results. The water causes the ink to bleed, semi-watercolour-like, and can be used for shading, environmental effects etc. For obvious reasons, this works best with non-waterproof inks (which the vast majority of fountain pen inks are), but you can do this even with waterproof inks. Just let the ink hit water before it has a chance to soak into the paper and you can get cool effects :D. And you can also do it with other pens too, not just fountain pen inks. Examples:

Tiles of Toronto urban sketch series

Raizen and Hokushin doodles

Arikoto from Ooku

As you might imagine, this is really great for on-the-go drawings, because you just need a pen (or a couple of pens) and a waterbrush.

The “wet” approach is also where the very complex inks that look "boring" (greys, taupes etc.) are just complete magic. When the dye elements separate, other colours emerge, and you get really wonderful textural effects and rings of colour where the ink pools and dries. Diamine Earl Grey is a colour I've mentioned several times that I LOOOVE because it separates into blues, browns, purples, even pinkish tones. It's a gorgeous ink. You can see some examples and closeups here.

Another colour that does this really powerfully is Sailor Rikyucha. It’s a dark tea brown-green that separates very easily into pale blue-greens and more and has amazing tonal and textural qualities. The Tendril Wreath illustration here really shows this.

For the most part I look at things I like and then experiment to figure out what happens. After working with the same tools for a while, you get a sense of how the different elements might react and respond naturally.  The Genjimonogatari series employs both dry and wet extensively and is an example of the experimenting and playing I’m doing - I keep finding new aspects to the inks I thought I knew, and making “interesting” mistakes. And trying to fix them as I go with varying levels of success, haha. But I’m always learning!

One more thing about this hobby

I feel compelled to finish with some talk about the pure aesthetic appeal, or the MULTIPLE LEVELS OF FUN I get out of these inks. Not just the colour, not just how the ink behaves, but... the name of the ink as well! Some inks do this more effectively than others. Similar to how the presentation of a dish is part of the experience, the name of an ink adds so much to my enjoyment of it. My least favourite ink names are [standard adjective]+[standard colour name]. My favourite ones are really convoluted with literary and poetic references, I just love them hahaha. Asian fountain pen inks I find tend to do this especially well - partly because of how much you can pack into how few syllables, I suppose. It makes me sad that a lot of sites don’t include the original names, often referencing them with just a number, though I understand it is difficult to translate. But I learn a lot with these names as a starting point! For example, Zhenjing, which I mentioned recently in the Kurama “Light” illustration, took a bit of back and forth with my parents to look up the source and then to interpret the complex line of poetry. It was a fun and fascinating exercise. 

A great name can’t save an ink I don’t like, but a good name elevates an ink I do like even more, and it can be really inspiring for making stuff. For example, take Pen BBS Mirrorflower Watermoon. I adore the colour of this ink - it's a very subtle grey-pale green with silver flakes. I used it heavily in the Hokushin fanart “Northern Deity” (you can see it here with photos of the sparkly).

The name is actually highly recognizable if you're familiar with classic East Asian literature/poetry. I read it out loud to my parents with no context other than "this is the name of one of my favourite ink colours" while they were eating dinner and they both said at the same time, "I know this! DREAM OF THE RED CHAMBER!" lmao. It's a very Buddhist idiom or phrase referring to the illusory nature of things, likening it to the reflection of a flower in a mirror or the reflection of the moon in water.

I hope this was interesting and helpful! ^^

[buglersboots]

My Experience with Prostate Cancer

I don't post this wanting anyone to feel sorry for me. I am pretty much recovered from this and am back to hiking 8-10 miles, lifting weights (although I'm not back to my pre-surgery poundage), bicycling 12-15 miles on the road, and 6-10 miles on the trails on my mountain bike. It's just something I want to get off my chest, and the anonymity afforded here makes it easier to say. And who knows, it may give encouragement to a person who is dealing with prostate cancer now.

The genesis of my story was late 2006 or early 2007, my yearly physical check up. My doctor said that since I was 45, he needed to run a PSA test to establish my baseline. About a week later, the doctor's office called and said that my PSA was abnormal and that he had scheduled an appointment with a urologist for follow-up. I kept the appointment with the urologist. He did the normal finger test and said that everything felt right. That was when I learned that a normal PSA is below 3 and that my score was above 10, a certain indication that I had prostate cancer. The urologist scheduled a date for what would become the first of several biopsies of my prostate.

I spent the time between that first meeting with the urologist and the biopsy learning about prostate cancer. First, when caught early, prostate cancer is almost always curable. Second, the cure has some unfortunate, life-long, and life-changing side effects. The most alarming are impotence, no more cum at orgasm, and varying degrees of incontinence. For an active person like me, the prospect of wearing diapers for the rest of my life was not something I looked forward to. Even worse, at 45, I still had hopes of having children, and the idea of being a permanent bottom was not appealing.

The day for the biopsy came, and I must admit that it was not as painful as I feared. Then came the waiting. Do I have cancer or not? If I have cancer, is it localized and treatable? Or has it spread, and I only have a limited number of days left? A week later, back at the urologist to get the results of the biopsy. Good news! No cancer in the biopsy! A month of worry and fret for nothing! But the urologist didn't sound as enthusiastic. Even though he removed twelve plugs from an organ the size of a walnut, all that meant was that there was no cancer in the samples. With my PSA as high as it was, it was a certainty that there was cancer in my prostate.

The next ten years included semiannual trips to the urologist for blood tests and finger tests. My PSA stayed consistently in the high 12s and low 13s. I endured two more biopsies, both of which were negative for cancer. As I said, the biopsy was not really painful, but for the next day or two, there is blood in your pee, and it takes four to six weeks before your semen is white again. But biopsies can damage the nerves that cause an erection. I don't know if it was the result of the biopsies or just my getting older, but my erections went from pointing up to the sky to 45° pointing to the ground.

In 2017 my PSA started rising and at my fall examination, it was over 17. My urologist recommended an MRI this time, saying that an MRI looked at the entire prostate rather than just a sample, and that it would find cancer anywhere in the prostate. Insurance balked at this, but my urologist was able to persuade them to cover the procedure. As with the biopsies before, the results of the MRI were negative for cancer. I dodged the bullet yet again.

My PSA continued to rise, and by the fall of 2018, it was over 23, a full ten points above what had been my normal reading. This time, my urologist wanted to do an extensive biopsy of between 24 and 36 cores. This would require that I be sedated and I would have to have someone drive me back home afterward. Finding a person willing to drive an hour to the hospital, wait two hours while I have the procedure done, and then another hour back home is a challenge for a single person with no family nearby and whose friends all have full-time jobs, but I did manage to get someone willing to kill half his day for me.

I arrive at the hospital and either insurance denied the extensive biopsy or my urologist had a change of heart, but he only took 14 cores. No need to be sedated, no need for a driver, another week of waiting for the results.

November 14, 2018, the results. My urologist walks into my examination room with papers in hand and says you have cancer. OK, is this one of the slow growing cancers that you do watchful waiting with or is it more serious? You have five cores that came back positive for cancer. Two have Gleason Scores of 3 + 3 = 6, two have Gleason scores of 3 + 4 = 7, and one has a Gleason Score of 4 + 3 = 7. These last three are concerning. In addition to that, one core showed cancer in 50% of the sample. The good news is that none of the cores showed perineural invasion, so we can fix you. At his last comment, I said to him that I know he didn't mean it like this, but I couldn't help but picture in my mind someone taking their dog to the vet to be fixed, especially given the similarities of the outcomes. We both had a good laugh over that.

November 29, 2018, preop consultation. During the two weeks following my diagnosis of cancer, I did a lot of research on treatment for prostate cancer. In addition to the three common treatments: surgery, radiation, hormonal therapy, I also learned about several other promising treatment methods in trials that did not result in impotence and incontinence. We discussed each one of the promising new treatment methods, and for each one, he explained why I was not a good candidate for inclusion in a trial. That left the three traditional treatment methods. He recommended surgery as the best option, because if the cancer comes back in the future, radiation or hormonal therapy are viable and relatively easy to do. In addition to that, I would still have viable sperm to harvest if I ever decided to start a family. Then I asked if he would do the nerve sparing surgery. He explained that even though my cancer was limited to one side of the prostate and had not penetrated the perineural, my high PSA, more than 3 positive cancer cores, a 4 + 3 = 7 Gleason Score, and at least one core with more than 35% cancer made me a poor candidate for nerve sparing surgery. So much for me ever being able to get a hard on by myself again. :(

Monday, January 7, 2019, surgery. Don't ask me anything about that day because I don't remember anything after they attached the IV to put me under. I was told that several people came by after surgery and that I carried on intelligent conversations with them. I'll take their word for it. My first post operation memory is waking up the evening after the surgery with crust on my face from my eyes down to my chin, like I had been crying. Was it from pain or because I just lost the ability to have sex on my own? I'm not sure. I don't remember being in pain, but they pump you full of pain killers after surgery also.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019, discharge. After a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, coffee, orange juice, and biscuits, the discharge nurse enters. She provides instructions about how to care for the six incisions in my abdomen, how to care for and clean the Foley catheter, instructions for and limits to my physical activity for the next week, instructions about when to call the doctor or go back to the hospital if certain things happen, and prescriptions for half a dozen meds -- pain pills, antibiotics and such. I am out of the hospital by 10 AM the day after surgery. My driver is kind enough to take me to the pharmacy to pick up the meds. Why is the pharmacy always in the back of the store? It's not like people really want to walk to the back of the store the day after surgery.

Friday, January 11, 2019, return trip. In the four days since the surgery, I followed the discharge instructions as best I could. Don't stay seated for too long, walk at least once every hour for as far as you are able, keep the wounds clean, no lifting, take meds as instructed. But I had not had a bowel movement since the surgery, and it takes less and less food for me to feel full at each meal. After breakfast Friday morning, I try to take my morning meds with a glass of water. That was too much. I barely made it to the bathroom before I began to throw up the contents of my stomach. Uh-oh, the discharge papers say that throwing up is serious and to return to the hospital.

Back at the hospital, a series of x-rays and other tests results in a tube going up my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach to draw out the contents of my stomach. That was an experience I will not wish upon anyone. By that evening, it was determined that I needed to walk as much as I could, so a nurse came in every hour, helped me out of bed and I walked. At first, it was just in the room, and not too bad. By mid-day Saturday, it was "We need you to walk from your room, down the hall and to the nurses station and back." So here I am, showing my hiney to anyone who looks, dragging a rolling stand with my IV bags with one hand, a tube coming out of my nose, and my catheter bag in my other hand. What a frightful sight I was! The night nurse was a really cute, and really nice male nurse who was kind enough to get me a second gown to drape over my shoulders and hide my back side. He also set off my gaydar, I know you are not supposed to be able to tell us from straight people, but sometimes you just have to wonder. For some reason, I decided to lift my gown and look at crotch that evening, and I got the surprise of my life. My balls were the size of grapefruits and my dick had swollen so much that the skin of the shaft covered the head of my circumcised penis. I pressed the call button and a young female orderly came to my room a few minutes later. I did my best to describe my predicament in a way that would not get me labeled as some sexual deviant. She got my nice male nurse. He took one look at it and got the floor nurse because he had never seen anything like it. So now, the female orderly, my male nurse, and the female floor nurse are all in my room, looking at my swollen sexual organs. The floor nurse informs us all that the swelling was normal after surgery and that it takes care of itself in a week or two. That evening I have my first bowel movement since the surgery. It's only liquid, but it's a start.

The next day, Sunday, walking to the nurses station and back wasn't enough, now I had to walk the corridors of each of the four wings of the floor. I was told walking helps the swelling go down. I still had the rolling IV stand, my catheter bag, and the tube out my nose, but thanks to my night nurse, I could at least cover my rear end. By Sunday evening, I was starting to feel much better. I'm not sure if it was all the walking, the suctioning out of the contents of my stomach, or a combination of the two, but either way, my nose hose was no longer being hooked up to the suction pump. The bowels are moving more. In addition to green liquid, I'm pooping stuff that looks like coffee grounds. The nurses have to inspect what comes out each and every time I go to the bathroom. I feel sorry for them.

Monday, January 14, 2019, the nose tube comes out. One week after surgery. I get to drink water and eat ice chips again. Mind you that I have had nothing to eat since Friday morning, and the only times I was allowed to drink was when I took my meds. Since I am now consuming liquids, the IVs are all disconnected. A nurse accompanies me for my first lap around the floor to make sure I am OK. When we return to my room she says now do another lap by yourself. So now I am left to my own to do two laps around the floor every hour. About the time the other patients get lunch, they remove my nose tube, so I am only carrying my catheter bag for my hourly laps. My night nurse tells me that he can't get over how much better I look now compared to Friday night. I have to admit, I was feeling much better, so much better, that my perverted little brain was trying to figure out how I could get him into bed with me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019, bye-bye catheter. For the first time since Friday morning, I get to eat food. It was only jello and cream of something soup, but hey, food is food. After breakfast I go down to x-ray where they fill my bladder with saline and take x-rays to make sure that the splice in my urethra has healed and is not leaking. If the swelling has gone down, I can't tell. I still have grapefruits hanging between my legs. My urologist comes by and tells me that after they remove the catheter, I will be going home. Excited to go home. Waiting. More waiting. Lunch of more jello and cream of something different soup. Still waiting. Finally two nurses come in to remove my catheter. They draw out the saline that has been keeping it in place in my bladder, and pull. Not a good feeling, but not as painful as I imagined. One of the nurses hands me a container and informs me that before I can be discharged, I have to produce enough pee to get to the mark on its side. If anyone has made it this far in my tale and has never had prostate surgery or never had a catheter for a week, let me educate you on something. When that catheter comes out, you have no bladder control. The kidneys send urine to the bladder and it pretty much comes on out by drips and squirts. So here I am, drinking as much water as I can stand, while at the same time holding that container under my dick, trying to catch every drop that comes out. Between my swollen balls, and surgery shortened still swollen dick, I can't sit down and collect my urine as it comes out, so I have to stand and walk around the room holding the container under my dick. My pee is still stained with a little blood from the surgery and the removal of the catheter, and a few blood clots that have been swept out by all the water I'm drinking. Between the water and the walking, I'm slowly approaching the line that the nurse marked on the container when I bump into the bedside table and drop the container. It hits the floor and spills all the pee I've so carefully collected. I have to start over. I have been so focused on filling the container with my pee, that I failed to notice that it is now supper time. Supper is more jello and cream of who knows what soup. That's when the nurse informs me that help prevent congestion at the front of the hospital, the hospital discharges each floor at a particular time, and that the floor I'm on discharges at 7:30 PM no matter what the doctor says. Finally, around 7:45, an orderly makes it to my room with a wheelchair and I'm on my way home.