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kewpidity · 6 months ago

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Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷

so this whole thing starts because somehow someway i get a demon attached to me as a kid, a toddler even, dont really know how or why, but because of this my whole life growing up is plagued by insane near death experiences all orchestrated by this demon (this is based on some real shit in my life btw, not to sound superstitious or anything and i dont even think i believe in demons of any denomination but there was some Weird Shit going on, i might talk about it someday) and by the time im an adult ive tired everything under the sun to stop these things from happening- different religious practices, spells and charms and rituals and so on and so forth im at my god damn limit im so tired

eventually im pushed to try to fight fire with fire, and end up summoning Another demon to try and idk cancel out the old one? make a deal to keep me safe? not sure What my plan was but i'd come this far and i didnt know where else to turn

well the demon i summoned was alastor. he wasnt even my intended target, in fact of demon of his power shouldnt really be able to be summoned at all under normal circumstances, and would require someone with a ton of power of their own to pull it off (havent decided if this is something i managed to do because of all the varied rituals etc mentioned earlier, or some dumb luck) and that alone is kind of intriguing for him

tbh he hasnt been summoned in a While, its something that got lost to time and he kinda assumed it would never happen again, and even when it happened before he would usually just kill the person without bothering to strike a deal, cause even people who did manage to do it usually werent strong enough to do it safely

but hell has been kinda Boring lately, the hotel hasnt given him as much entertainment as he had hoped (this is like. mid season 1, and with the understanding that the story stretches way longer than the breakneck speed the actual show takes) and he sees this as an opportunity for something interesting to do for a while

when he hears what im looking for, he's gotta laugh about it- there's no way this other demon that had attached to me would give him any trouble, and this was a great way to guarantee he get another soul when i eventually died anyway, so he offers up this deal:

for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.

obviously im hesitant, but we go back and forth on it a bit before deciding to make the deal with some ground rules (like he cant do anything thats gonna get me killed prematurely for example- after all im doing this specifically so i dont die by another demon's hand)

so we strike the deal! no all he has to do is get rid of that other demon and my soul is as good as his! its not that simple tho of course- he's not sure how the demon is accessing the living world, and figures its likely similar to what he's doing- somehow tethering himself to the living world, while their actual physical body is still in hell, so he needs to figure that out on his end, and it ends up being a more difficult task than previously expected- so he could be dealing with something older and more powerful than he realizes.

he'll figure that out later tho, he's got living stuff to do! at first he's v dismissive when i ask him what he could possibly want to be doing with my body, like what was he even planning to get up to, but he cant keep me completely in the dark about it cause im still sorta There when im possessed- its a bit like lucid dreaming where you're aware that you're dreaming, but not quite aware enough to control what you're Doing in the dream, and over time i become more and more present the longer he's possessing me

so eventually he admits that he's curious about what happened after he died- he was a bit of a celebrity when he was alive after all, he's sure it would cause Quite a stir when it was revealed after he died that he was a criminal- a moonshiner for one, but a serial killer and cannibal! he wants to know if there was a media circus, where he was buried, wants to visit his old stomping grounds, and so on and so forth. this leads me on all kinds of adventures through the deep south, the dusty aisles of libraries and newpaper archives, old graveyards, and so on, all the while we keep getting more comfortable and close despite ourselves

and eventually i realize that he isnt actually interested in what happened to himself after his death, he's actually using all this to try and find out what happened to his mother. she was Not a local celebrity, and his infamy was so large that it eclipsed most of the people he knew in life, so tracking it all down was kind of a hassle. but he was and is a mama's boy, and he wanted to know if she lived a good life

now all of this eventually winds down to figuring out why there was that first demon attached to me, probably some fucked up nonsense a little while back in my family tree or something (tbh im not sure how much i want to focus on the how and why but we'll see) and we get that settled finally as well as finding out how alastor's mom's life played out and put him at east there, and all that's left is to simply live my life until i die, where i'll go to hell and alastor will have my soul to keep (we're v cozy at this point and quite comfortable cohabiting a body and mind space so he's not particularly eager to completely break the tether until my time comes)

and the thing about sharing a mindspace with something extremely dangerous and powerful that has just enough sway over the world around you to keep you safe in a bad situation, or even fully take over your body to get you out of it, is that you feel v confidant most of the time and fear isnt really something you deal with anymore, so i frequently go wandering around the woods at night for example because im sure nothing can really touch me when i have a demon for a companion

a demon in your head cant protect you from a bullet however, and maybe i should have known better than wandering the woods at night during deer season, and maybe the unholy aura i had around me hit the moonlight just wrong and the hunter thought he was aiming for the silhouette of a creature with antlers, and then i was dead

and then i wake up in hell

if this was a fic, at this point it would be like the 'part 2' (and who knows if i iron it out enough maybe i Will write it sometime) and im not sure exactly what i want to do about it just yet obviously it would loosely follow the canon of the show, just with a lot of extra stuff thrown in. maybe in 'part 1', we didnt actually Kill the other demon, just broke away from it, and its still in hell somewhere, fuming about losing my soul, or maybe finding out about his mom actually did Not put alastor at ease- maybe his actions made her life very difficult and now he has to deal with knowing that and i can use that as a catalyst to him getting redeemed to see her again in heaven, not sure yet!

but i do know a big part of the interpersonal situation is that we dont share that mindspace anymore, we're just physically There Together and tbqh its really difficult to cope with. we both got so used to it that we feel like something's missing now, and we might even go so far as to try to find a way to reestablish that mental link, or maybe there's still echoes of it lingering, but only if we're asleep or something like that

like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about

and to add to this- some stray little Thoughts and Ideas to play around with in regards to this story:

while researching alastor's life and 'hunting grounds' we run into a copycat killer, probably someone who has a personal collection of alastor's things, works at a library maybe, who's always dreamed of following in his footsteps, and that decides i should be the first victim since im also sooo interested in alastor's 'work' that i surely wouldnt mind (i do, and so does alastor (he does Not consider imitation as flattery and who tf does this loser think they are coming after something that belongs to him (he's gotten attached)))

i for sure need to come up with more fun and awful little adventures like that

alastor's ability to effect and manipulate the living world around me through his powers alone (so like Not literally using my body for example, this is more like a poltergeist) is stronger when there's radio static playing in the air

going off the idea that the mental link gets stronger and clearer the long it lasts, maybe at sone point it gets so strong that one time when i go to sleep, i 'wake up' in a v similar state as when alastor was first possessing me, that floaty, kinda-lucid-kinda-not, excpet now im hitching a ride in His body in hell and at this point he's so used to having me as a v general and vague presense at the back of his mind that he doesnt even notice at first that im much more clearly and actively There- its a frightening idea for us both when the realization sets cause now we Really gotta face whays going on here and how far its gone

when i get shot by the hunter, alastor is actively co-piloting my body at the time, and since i headcanon he died in a similar fashion (bullet to the head) its like he experienced his own death all over again (something something tied even in our death etc etc) and he sort of 'wakes up' back in his body afterwards and after realizing what happened having to fight the urge to be seen frantically searching the streets for me now that i must be here

considering we Were linked up when i died, and the black mark this whole situation would leave on my soul, my demon form would probably echo his design

how far am i willing to go while alive to achieve our goals- ive definitely been put in situations where i needed to do harm for survival, but would i go further than that, not because i needed to, but because i wanted to? is it alastor's influence or something that i was always capable of? do i indulge in cannibalism? what about after im in hell, what then?

thinking on it, i think Will go with alastor's mom suffering from his life choices, and him having to deal with that, as Well as having to deal with that first demon in 'part 2' to carry over as an overarching plot

maybe we Both get redeemed but we dont actually like it in heaven like its too bright so we fuckin.

act up to get sent back (this is mostly jokey but could you imagine)

#proship selfship #proselfship #selfproship #❤ Blood and Velvet

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aliensmoothie · 2 years ago

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ill be real i know jack shit about skyrim and i forgot. your skyrim ocs name . but canyou tell me about them

HERE THEY ARE the one on the left is Yol-Miin/Jack shes my dragonborn oc and the one of the right is Ruarc hes the ghost in Jack's head and also my eso character . i had some old discord messages that i spruced up ( some stuff has changed a little since i wrote them originally LMAO ) for you below the cut :) this is mainly like their backstory stuff as it's relevant to skyrim but there is a little more ( like the eso stuff ) . its just complicated to explain and ALSO im afraid of sounding cringe . but its ok because the skyrim stuff is like the important part LOL

so she was raised for basically her entire life in windhelm . whenever she ended up there ( as like a very young baby probably ) an old dunmer man ( Malran ) took her in ( also was the one who found him maybe ? ) and to the best of his ability taught her how to survive in windhelm . generally through the route of stealth which he was really talented in but he was very cagey about his past so jack doesnt know like . why . he was also married to a redguard woman ( Shinir ) , who was only in town every now and then , cause she worked as a caravan guard , but taught Yol-miin varying skills she learned out on the road . generally though , Yol-miin was Really talented at being able to read about something and then just . teach himself how to do it . So when he got older he ended up using that skill doing any odd job that needed doing in town ( from chopping firewood to fixing swords to whatever really . the jobs usually came from the dunmer in town and occasionally the dock workers but i know she also helped around the hall of the dead alot ) . Malran ended up getting arrested ( undecided on the reason . there might not have been one ) when she was like 18 , and he disappeared from the prison without a trace . There was like No clues or anything even for Jack , so he was assumed dead . After that he ends up staying at the argonian assemblage at the docks for about a year before realizing that there's really no purpose in staying in windhelm anymore when she feels like she doesnt really belong . So ( mainly because of Shinir's visits i think ) she decides she's going out to start adventuring . Then she goes to helgen , and the whole Skyrim Thing happens .

Ruarc is a little more um . complicated . to explain . he was , when he was alive , a necromantic experiment by a group of daedra ( maybe sheogorath or namira ? i havent decided at all . sheo would be fun though ) cultists living out in valenwood a long long time ago ( like eras before skyrim maybe . it was a while ago ) . the cultists' intent was to summon a demon into a piece of primordial ooze pulled off a dead changeling as a powerful vessel for . whatever demon they were summoning . but instead the demon and whatever like Living Potential was in the ooze fused together and made Ruarc . The cultists weren't awful to Ruarc , but they were trying Very hard to figure out how to get basically the same experiment to go correctly while using him as a catalyst . Eventually , they tried it again and it backfired WAY HARDER and set the whole surrounding area on fire , killing Ruarc and all the cultists . Then , a long time later , he ends up as a ghost living in baby Jack's head . he doesn't remember his life before at all , so he just kind of convinces himself that he's an imaginary friend , and hangs out in Yol-miin's head . He definitely also influences Jack's array of skills with the scraps of Past Life Knowledge that he has .

#¿#thank you for asking abt them delta :)#a good portion of their stories come from like . justifying my playstyle and game mechanics . which i think is just a fun little thing :)#yol-miin #ruarc #skyrim ocs

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shipsational · 4 months ago

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Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷

for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.

and then i wake up in hell

like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about

and to add to this- some stray little Thoughts and Ideas to play around with in regards to this story:

i for sure need to come up with more fun and awful little adventures like that

considering we Were linked up when i died, and the black mark this whole situation would leave on my soul, my demon form would probably echo his design

maybe we Both get redeemed but we dont actually like it in heaven like its too bright so we fuckin.

act up to get sent back (this is mostly jokey but could you imagine)

#❤ Blood and Velvet #reposting this now that i have a sideblog

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sopordeficiency · 7 months ago

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nah i dont think he's evil harry potter??? that was just a visual joke mostly. if anything i guess he's like, draco malfoy cause of the racism. also i havent watched the movies in years or ever read the books so maybe that has something to do with this, but i dont really relate to eridan to HP at all.

Like, he's more of an analogue to hipster culture? He tries to be so special, he thinks he's sooo special, he's a warmomgering 13 year old. he's my funny little guy, also, someone pLEASE get him so character development.

I guess as a character i like him more because i can give him a path to walk on that isnt canon, you know? its free range for imagining what couldve been and as a fan that's fun.

going back to his personality and stuff, he's pathetic, like a wet sopping cat that scratches and bites. but like, every kid has done something cringe worthy when it comes to dealing with relationships with others. personally i sucked at it so bad in school that i became an introvert lmao. i guess i relate to him in some way?? idk im thinking this up as i go.

he's just SO lonely, even when he has a relationship to speak of, he's still lonely, no one has ever taken him seriously. thats kinda hard to go through, so he lashes out and does all of these exorbitant things to get attention. it's pretty easy to follow once you notice all he ever wanted was recognition. which, like, as kids trying to prove themselves is super normal. he's desperate to BE someone. everything about him is a theatre he puts up.

there was a truth he was supposed to find but the way the story had to play out didnt have that factor in it, so he stayed his ugly self and was never given the option to change. i think a lot about (vriska) and how she changed so much and was (possibly) molded into this new self, that she liked better, she was happy for once, but she also lost herself (maybe????). then i think about those spare eridans we see being happy when theyve died and been doomed (god tier eridan with feferi, eridan with shrek dad). i think one found himself and the other lost himself.

hmmm, i guess thats it? i like what they did with his gender non-comformity down the line, even though i didnt get it at first, for this character, but ill take what i can get (im nb).

i guess he's just fun to think about! what even is his authentic self anyway?? he was always putting up a show and putting up a mask that he felt is what people needed to see of him. i dont think we caught much of what the actual eridan is like. a nerdy kid who still wishes so much that magic was real, he's into history, he likes to roleplay, he's into ships and nautical war tactics, he didnt want to lose his only friend so he lied and went into a relationship that didnt take his actual feelings into account (i mean theyre meant to be pale anyway). he can never speak up about how he truly feels, he needs to be what people think him to be, or what he thinks he needs to be. he's so tired, dude. keeping up that drama is exhausting.

i guess, even if he did want to exterminate all landwellers, whatever that meant, im sure he knew it was an impossible thing anyway. or maybe he kept telling himself he might be able to pull it off? but the troll empire needs it working class anyway. the only reason he didn't do it was because 1) he was busy feeding feferi's lusus, 2) it would hurt feferi's feelings.

alright yeah i think thats all i had to say, i just like to look at him also, he's got a cape! how silly! very aesthetic or whatever the kids say today

So... Eridan fans. I have a question!

What even is there to like about this guy? Is it just that he's an evil Harry Potter analogue and that's an interesting twist on an archetype you already love? Because I never read a Potter book or saw the moives and I figure that's a large part of why I didn't see the appeal.

#pentalks #eridan ampora #im just ranting sorry!!

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maleyanderecafe · 3 years ago

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Hi Hi! Maybe I think is a recomendation or not, but theres a potencial yandere on Today the Villainess has fun Again, and that is Xavi, could there be more? maybe? i havent read the novel yet

Today the Villainess has Fun is a pretty good read. The MC and all the male love interests/leads are pretty cool in their own way. It's currently about 22 chapters out right now, and the artwork is really pretty as well. I would say that Xavi (and possibly Iris's fiance, if I'm understanding the recent chapter correctly) are the likely yanderes in this story.

The story is about Leilin, the villainess of the story, being pretty angry over another girl, Iris, because Leliin's fiance ended up cheating on her with him. We get to see the lady that eventually isekais as Leilin, who in her past life, was dating a man and devoted everything to him, only for him to marry one of her friends instead after he cheated on her with him. She basically outs her and her friend gets mad before going to read the story she eventually gets sucked into. In this life, she views Iris as similar to her friend and treats her as such in a dignified manner. Leilin is incredibly good at using social etiquette in this world to talk back to those who have wronged her, as well as using her power to help others. For instance, her first interaction with Iris was basically Iris stating that the dresses she wears are better than Leilins and Iris pushing back stating that it would be terrible if someone found out that she had stolen it. She basically directly asks one of the high-ranking knights, Lord Kassion, to dance with her, stating that he's really handsome(and he blushes like a cute boy). The next day, Leilin spends a lot of money to see the head of the information guild, Lucas, as he's the one who stole the dress for Iris, basically telling him that with all the money he spent on him, he'd better buy that dress that he stole. The same day, she also uses the money to save a changing slave from his owner, cleaning him up and dousing him with potions. This slave turns out to be Xavi, and he grows a great attachment towards Leilin for saving him, promising to stay with him even though Leilin said he could leave. Xavi initially has some difficulty adjusting, hurting one of the maids that tried to pat his head and generally being clingy towards Leilin when someone takes her away from him, however, Leilin teaches him to be kind to others. She later goes to a party invitation where she protects one of her lackeys from bullying and pushes back against another bullying attempt as well. Later, Lucas has another meeting with Leilin, basically suspecting that Iris has been using her, and Leilin tries to find information on why the crown prince was interested in Iris in the first place. She meets Lord Kassion being scolded by a nobleman and she ends up interfering and protecting him from being hit, which later just makes Kassion like her even more. A final couple of chapters are about Leilin doting on Xavi with a bunch of pink accessories to make him happy.

I actually really like the main character in this story (though usually, I feel like villainess isekaied characters are more interesting than just the main character), since she's able to stand up for herself in a way that still upholds the etiquette of the time, and is basically really good at being socially intelligent (if that makes any sense). She's a very smart and kind person, basically paying off the rose-mary dress that Iris got someone to steal in the first place, and buying Xavi after watching him get abused. She's also pretty funny sometimes when it comes to her maids and such and seems to have made a good impression for the male leads that she might end up pursuing because of her cunning and wit. While her end goal is to find a guy that won't leave her, she's also willing to go after horrible people to protect others. I also love the relationship with her father, since her father is the kind of person that really dotes on her and trusts in giving her a lot of money since he's taught her the value of using money (for instance, while saving Xavi, she also revealed a big social problem with slaves in the town, thus uplifting her family name). It's really cute seeing how much her dad supports her and I'm all in for that kind of stuff.

In terms of the male leads, they all seem pretty interesting in their own right. Lucas seems to like her because of her cunning and is slowly realizing how much he was played by Iris, and it's also mentioned that he's head of the assassination guild, so I'm curious about that as well. Cassion is really cute, as he's a former peasant that was raised to a duke, so socially, he's often outcasted because of his past and the fact that he's not very good at social norms in royalty. He seems to really like Lelain because she stands up for him and he has a lot of cute blushy moments. Finally is Xavi, the boy that Leilian saves, who is really cute and freaking adorable. He's part jaguar so he often either has a half-human form or sometimes turns into a straight jaguar. He's really clingy towards Leililan after she saved him and still has a hard time going in public or dealing with other humans, which makes sense considering his past of being a slave. Initially, he does seem really clingy towards Leilin, basically dedicating his life to be with her, even though Leilin just wants to make him happy. He tries his best to comply with Leilins wishes for him (to be happy, to not cause trouble, etc) and basically even says that he'll only look at her (and also feigns being sad so that she'll hug her, that sneaky boy). Again, he does end up hurting one of the maids, but after a good talking to Leilian, he becomes way more friendly and less possessive. I don't know how long this will last though, since so far it seems that he's not nearly as clingy in recent chapters, but still pretty dependent on her. I hope he gets more like that since I bet he'd be a cute yandere, plus it seems he's only acting nice so that Leilian will be happy. I still find it a bit weird though since Leilian sees him more as a child and she views herself more as a mom, but in the intro, it's implied that he's a love interest? These kinds of things are usually pretty weird for me to read, especially since it seems like Xavi is pretty young (probably like 16 at the oldest) where as Leilian is probably between 20-30 years old. Maybe he'll be more of a platonic yandere in the future, honestly, who knows.

Again, thank you Miu for your asks! I really appreciate all the recommendations and possible yanderes you send me as well as anything else you send.

#asks #male yandere #yandere boy #yandere #recommendation

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kaz11283 · 4 years ago

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Of Course I'm Here

Characters: Come on you know by now how this goes (Loki x you) (Team x you, platonic)

Warnings: None. And really if you ever see anything that I might need to able as a warning please let me know... I'm the person who forgets there are people out there that get offened by the word F*** if that is an exapmle of anything.

Summary: Mid battle and the avengers keep looking for an answer as to why the God of Lies hasnt showed up yet. Of course you have no idea but at least he proves them all wrong.

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: hey guys Im back, I know it hasnt been long but I also know I havent been posting every single day like I was, i got into a weird little funk where I didnt want to do anything, I was just feeling completly drained, and I felt bad because I have my little and I didnt even want to play with her because I have just been so TIRED, but I'm feeling better. Work has been kicking my ass here lately and ive been working over 50 hours a week so ive literally been coming in, eatting / feeding the little, getting us ready for bed, and crashing as soon as she falls asleep. But im here now. I will probably be more active on weekends than during the week because I have more time to spend working on stuff but I will be posting also during the week just not daily. At least until after state comes. Thank you so much for the reblogs, likes, comments, follows, and messages please keep them coming! If you would like to be tagged please ask or message, and requests are open. Love you guys so much! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

"Y/N, BACK UP I NEED BACK UP! EYES IN THE SKY!" Tony yelled from above, you and Clint stood back to back on a roof top shooting as many bad guys as you could. Clint took aim at another carrier, shooting at the engine causing the entire thing to blow up raining debris and hot metal around you.

"Damnit Clint! Farther away make sure they are farther away!" You yelled popping him on the head with an arrow before aiming it at the thing that was chasing Tony.

"Where is lover boy at? You.sent him the location right?" Nat asked into the com.

"Yes I sent him the location, no I dont know where hes at." You mocked.

"Did you send him the right location?" Sam asked.

"One time, one dam-"

"Language!" Steve chimed in causing everyone to groan. Gun shots where ringing all around you and you could here metal on metal paired with Hulk screams coming from another building over.

"Language." You mocked muting your com son that no one but Clint heard you. "I am a 26 year old woman, I think I'm old enough to cuss if I want." You drew back your bow and sent another arrow flying into another goon that had Nat trapped aginst a wall. She shot you a thumbs up before running off. You hit unmute on your com.

"Jesus, 26? Baby, you sure you don't need to be at a babysitter instead of on a building killing things?" He laughed.

"Dont worry Hawk, when we get done here I've already booked you a nice nursing home to be put into." You put your bow around you and stood on the edge of the building. "I need a better view." You looked round, the top of a taller building caught you eye. "There Hawk, we can cover a better radius from up there, get closer to the action."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN THE GODS ARE GOING TO BE HERE? WE NEED MORE HELP WERE GETTING TIRED AND OUT NUMBERED!" Tony came over the coms screaming.

"How do we get up there? Or do I even wanna know?" Hawk came to examin where you were talking about.

"Im jumping, you cant tell me that someone wont catch me." You shrug.

"GODS WHERE ARE TH- Y/N DONT YOU DARE JUMP!" Tony stopped and hovered right were you was standing.

"Then take us over there. We need higher ground, we cant cover everyone from down here." You crossed your arms.

"Where are the gods at y/n?" He asked again

"I. Dont. Know. Jesus you guys act like I'm suppose to be there keeper!" A simultaneous you are came from everone through the com causing you to roll your eyes. "Hes gonna be here I swear it! Now take me to the building or I jump. 1.....2....-" Tony grabbed you by the collar of your jacket and flew you to the building.

God these things were everywhere and you were starting to run out of arrows. After shooting another ship and causing it to blow you heard what was unmistakably pounding on the roof top door leading to where you currently was at.

"I have some univited guests about to join my party. Anyone available for some assistance?" You yanked out the two emerald green and silver daggars that your boyfriend had given you not long after you had started dating after throwing your bow around you.

"Buy some time kid, I'm on ground level right now but I can try to get up there as fast as possible." Bucky called over the com.

"Buy some time? Ok. I can do this. I work better from afar but a little hand to hand never hurt anyone, just easier to get stabbed this way." The first of the things busted through the door running straight at you. You jerked out of the way missing his staff by just a few inches. Quickly turning you flipped the dagger like Loki had showed you and stabbed him in his side causing him to fall to the ground before the next one tried to impale you.

"I have two daggers and they have freaking staffs! Back up! WHERE THE HELL AR-" you were interupted by static in the air and a bright light. The bitfrost had just opened up leaving to gods standing in front of you and taking out the remainder ofnthe bad guys. "HES HERE! I TOLD YOU GUYS THEY WERE COMING AND THEY'RE HERE." You pulled two extra coms from you pocket and gave them to Thor and Loki.

"Always a pleasure to battle beside you Lady y/n." Thor smiled takkng the com and putting it in his ear before taking off again.

Loki sauntered over to you and put his arm around you waist, you put the com in his ear as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"You got a new outfit." You smiled at him. God the way he looked in his battle clothe always did something to you, the horned helment was a plus.

"You like it." He smirked down at you pulling you closer.

"Your wearing your horns to." You reached up and brushed a peice if hair behind his ear.

"STOP. STOP NOW. WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND ITS GROSS." Tony yelled causing you both to roll your eyes.

"Quick run down, bad guys everywhere, no end in sight, and I'm out of arrows pretty sure Hawk is too." Loki waved his hand over your quiver making more arrows appear.

"I see you had to use your daggers. I am sorry for not being here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked stepping away from you to examin you.

"Small cut on the side, nothing I havent dealt with before, Ill be fine. You go make sure Hawk is fully stocked up and help the others. I got a birds eye view of you right here." I leaned in kissing him one more time before smiling at him and pushing him away. He kissed his two finger before placimg them over his heart and you did the same, "always." You both said before he disappered.

You could hear Thor laughing at the chaos going on and Steve trying to direct the god of thunder on what to do. You had learned earlier to just let him do his own thing and he would be fine. Tony was still trying to micromanage everything when you heard Loki mumble something in an old language and his com cut out. You had figured it wouldnt have stayed on to long though but at least you had tried. It had calmed down up on your end so you decided to finally go back down to where Clint was at shooting an arrow with heavy duty rope you glided back down next to him to watch what was going on.

"Hello, earth to y/n." He snapped his fingers in front of your face. You had been to busy staring at Loki and that damn helmet. "I dont even understand why were friends." He rolled his eyes propping up on the ledge watching as the rest of the team secured the last of the bad guys.

"Because we both shoot arrows, because we are both the best in the team, or because we both know we are the best looking one on the team so we have to stick together." You laughed jumping up so you could sit on the ledge.

"The birds can come out of their nest now." Bucky called over the coms causing you both to sigh.

When you and Clint had reached the bottom you walked over to Thor theowing your arms around the big goof ball.

"You are amazing during battle as always." He beemed patting you on the shoulder.

"As always? Thor youve only fought with her twice." Steve said beside you.

"I had a week off. Went to Asguard, spent time with the boys. Someone had to keep them in line." You shrugged like it was no big deal.

"She was amazing!" Thor went on telling the story of the fight you had all gotten into.

"Mothers been asking about you by the way dear. Wants to know if you've decided to come stay for a while." Loki leaned down and whispered in your ear.

"I think I'm leaning toward a yes. I can't stand being away from you, you had been gone forever this time." You reached for his hand as you both walked to the quinjet.

"I was making arrangements to have our room redone. I figured you would come with me." He gave you a knowing smirk as he reached up to take off his helmet.

"Leave the horns on. I have a suprise for you when we get home." You pulled his hand away from his head and smacked his butt.

"You are a little minx." He laughed chasing you into the jet while the rest of the team groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Even if you wasnt moving i would be kicking your ass out! I am so sick of the PDA between you two." Tony hollared after you.

"Leave them alone Tony, they are courting. Im just glad my brother is happy and not trying to stab me." Thor clapped Tony on the back.

~~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki avengers #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki (marvel)#loki imagine #loki masterlist #loki and thor

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imaginingmyloki · 3 years ago

Text

A Shift in Reality

Fandom/universe: Marvel

Pairing: LokixReader

Timeline: AU marvel where its after Ragnarok so Loki keeps his character development and no one dies because infinity war/end game never happened :)

Word Count: 2140

A/N: So this is the first non-requested fic I have written in a long time. Reader’s powers are essentially Daisy Johnson’s powers (earthquake/vibrations for those who haven’t seen agents of shield- if you havent seen it I HIGHLY recommend it! If any part of reader’s powers being used for certain things get confusing I’ll try to link a youtube video of Daisy using her powers doing the same thing to see a visual of it! But here’s an overview video of her using her powers to do a lot of really cool stuff if you’re interested :) not at all relevant to the story but I have a MAJOR crush on daisy haha). I’m already working on part 2 and it should be posted early next week! Anyways, I hope you guys like it :) and requests are open so if you have any let me know!

“Kid, where are you?” Stark came over coms sounding like a frantic father. “I’m fine, Tony. I’m 26 and I don’t need a babysitter.” I had only been with the team for a couple months. Tony had found me in rough shape, running after escaping from Hydra. After a few weeks healing and training, I had been allowed to go on a few easy missions with the team but always had to stay with someone since I was still learning to control my abilities. Hydra didn’t teach me control, they only taught me to use anger as the driving force behind my power and with powers like mine, that could get dangerous quickly. This was my first mission where I wasn’t instructed to stay with someone the entire time. I still ended up walking with Loki for the first few minutes after everyone splitting up. He and I had become friends since I had moved to the compound. He was the only one who didn’t look at me like he was waiting for me to break or pestering me to talk about what I had been through before joining them. It was supposed to be a simple mission just to gather some intel from an old shut down Hydra base. I turned down a hallway that had a door at the end as Loki turned down one on the opposite side of the corridor. He gave me a nod before we went our separate ways as if to reassure me that I could handle this. I made my way towards the door and realized that it was slightly open and I could hear low talking inside. I paused just outside the door to listen, “There’s at least 6 of them here and probably more outside for backup. We need to hurry up and wipe the server and blow the rest of it.”

I tried to warn Loki over coms but didn’t get an answer so slowly made my way into the room, staying out of sight of the two men sitting at the bank of computers. As I snuck around a large shelf, something came into view. A bomb that had a timer on it and was counting down. It was hooked to multiple, smaller impact bombs that would go off after the initial explosion disturbed them.This would cause catastrophic damage to the building. We had 2 minutes until it would bring the building down on top of everyone inside. Giving up on staying hidden, I stepped out, hands at the ready, and said “Stop the bomb. Now.” The man at work on the computer continued what he was doing and the man who had an air of authority about him slowly turned to face me and the air in my lungs suddenly went cold. His name was Nelson and he was the man that had been in charge of me when Hydra had me captive. It took everything in me to remind myself that I was in control of myself and I didn’t need to tell him that I was ready to comply with whatever orders he would give me. I was free now and there would be no punishments for disobeying. “Well now if it isn’t my most promising weapon of mass destruction. We’ve been looking for you. The boss is not happy with me for losing you. You took out quite a few high value assets on your way out.” He was smirking and the look on his face made me feel like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. With coms still silent and no sign of anyone coming to help me, the fear started to sink in and the room around us started trembling as I began to lose control of my powers. Nelson chuckled, “Still having trouble controlling the fear, I see. Guess we didn’t quite beat that out of you yet, huh?” I glanced quickly at the timer, a minute and 15 seconds left. Loki suddenly came running into the room, a knife in both hands. Before I could say anything to him, the knives left his hands with a swift flick of his wrist. One took out the man at the computer and the other landed in Nelson’s shoulder. “Go, Loki. Get everyone else out of here.” He ignored me and sent a warning out to the others over coms. Mine was apparently the only one not working. I heard Nelson let out a short laugh at my confusion. “Of course we knew you were here, 9213. We may not be able to hack all of Stark’s tech but we can manage to fry a single com unit.” Hydra didn’t refer to any of their assets by names. It was either “soldier” for those that they tried to replicate the winter soldier on or by your file number. I was file number 9213. Just as I was about to respond, the bomb went off. Without thinking, I dove towards it and used my powers to contain the explosion. Loki punched Nelson, knocking him out. The exertion of trying to hold the explosion in place was starting to get to me. “Loki, I need to let this go. Is everyone out?” he nodded and I told him to go as well. He didn’t move but I couldn’t hold it anymore so I pushed it as far as I could in the opposite direction of Loki. The force of the explosion threw me into the shelves and just before everything went black I realized that Nelson was nowhere to be seen.

--2 weeks later--

I sighed in frustration as I rolled over and adjusted the pillow for what felt like the hundredth time. Every single time I lay down and close my eyes to sleep since we got back from the mission, I can hear a rhythmic humming noise but when I open my eyes to try and find the source of the noise, it disappears. Giving up on sleep, I made my way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. “Oh for fucks sake, why does Thor keep putting the Oreos on the top shelf?” I grumbled to myself as I climbed up on the counter to reach my favorite cookies and heard a low chuckle behind me. “Need some help with that, Love?” I turned around with my arms crossed and looked down at Loki from where I was standing on the counter. “You could have offered before I climbed up here...” I pouted. After grabbing the Oreos and Loki helping me down from the counter, we sat on the couch together. Loki was almost always awake late at night so we had developed a sort of routine. We sat and talked for a few hours about everything or we sat and read together. Tonight was a reading kind of night but after a few minutes of comfortable silence he said “So what’s been keeping you up this late, Darling? Sleepless nights are my forte but before recently, I rarely saw you up and about after midnight.” I didn’t know how to explain the nonexistent noise that was plaguing me and keeping me awake without sounding crazy. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation I sighed and said “Ever since we got back from the mission a couple weeks ago, I hear this humming noise whenever I am trying to sleep but its almost like I’m hearing it through a wall. It’s muted but loud at the same time.” He gave me a look of concern “You hit your head pretty hard on that mission.. you were knocked out until we got back home to the compound. You should talk to Banner and make sure you’re ok.” I told him I would talk to Banner when he came down from his room. The sun was just starting to rise and I wanted to go up to the roof to enjoy the peace that always comes with the way the sun slowly chases the darkness away.

I had been up on the roof for an hour, enjoying the quiet with my eyes closed and my face turned towards the sun. This was my favorite place to meditate and destress. After relaxing and getting my mind to go blank, I started to hear the noise again. Instead of immediately opening my eyes like I had been at night, I tried to focus on the noise to see if I could tell what it was. The humming noise started to die down some and I started hearing a slight beeping in its place. Just as I was about to give up, I heard a familiar voice say “(Y/n)? Can you hear me?” but when I opened my eyes there was no one on the roof with me. With the addition of hearing voices added to my list of problems I decided to give up on meditating and head down to the clinic to see Bruce. When I got to the clinic and told him what was going on he gave me a concerned look. After he ran a few tests, Banner came back into the clinic and I could tell by the look on his face that he was just as confused as I was. “Nothing in the tests suggests that there is any residual damage from the hit you took and you passed the hearing tests with flying colors so I don’t think that it affected your auditory cortex.” he said as he sat back in the chair across from me, rubbing his chin in deep thought. I could tell it was truly bothering him that something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was or how to fix it. There was a knock on the door and Loki peeked his head in, “Are you alright, (Y/N)?” I smiled at him and gestured to the seat next to me, inviting him to come sit. As he sat down Bruce said “So you said you only hear it when trying to sleep or when you let your mind go blank while meditating?” I nodded and he said “OK so I have an idea. What if we try giving you something to help you sleep? You can sleep here in the clinic so we can monitor everything and maybe get some answers on what’s going on with you.” He must have seen the hesitancy on my face because he was immediately reassuring me that I would be 100% safe and looked after at all time. Loki grabbed my hand and said “I will sit by your side while you rest and look after you myself.” This calmed my nerves a bit and I reluctantly agreed. After Bruce administered the meds and I got comfortable, I was beginning to feel pretty drowsy. Loki and Banner had pulled the comfortable couch from the library into the clinic and put nice cozy blankets on it for me. Loki had set up a chair next to me and was quietly reading out loud because he knew it helped to calm my nerves. As I drifted off to sleep the sound of his voice slowly faded and in its place was the humming. I started to notice more noises added to the humming. A steady beeping noise, hushed voices that I couldn’t quite make out, and I swear I could hear someone snoring. I reached up to scratch my nose and heard a gasp. “She moved. (Y/n)? Are you awake? Can you hear me?” I knew that voice. Why did I know that voice? I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. “What the hell is this?” I asked. My hand immediately went to my throat, surprised by how raspy and dry my voice sounded and the harsh feeling in my throat as if I hadn’t used my voice in a very long time. I was surrounded by strangers in white coats. “Who are you? Where am I?” I tried to move but realized I was hooked up to machines. Wires and IV lines getting tangled as I moved. The beeping was coming from a heart monitor next to my bed. I was in a hospital. Did Nelson find a way to take me away from the compound? I raised my hand in an attempt to use my powers and make a run for it but nothing happened. I looked at my hand in confusion and then searched the room for any kind of clue as to what the hell was happening. There was a small tv on in the corner that caught my attention. The team was on the tv. It was in New York and they were fighting aliens. “Is that the news? What happened?” everyone was looking at me. A small woman slowly sat on the end of the hospital bed and put a hand on my foot. The familiar voice from earlier came from her and said “(Y/n), honey, thats just a movie. Its your favorite movie. Remember? The Avengers?”

#Loki Laufeyson #loki x y/n #marvel #Avengers #loki imagine

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surviving---not---living · 3 years ago

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What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

#abusive relationship #tw abuse #mine #relationship #please help me #help #relationship advice #fiancé #couple problems #manipulative #maybe #physical abuse #lost #scared #lonely #what do i do

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ray-jaykub · 4 years ago

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I’ve been wondering what your hc’s are on the turt guys when they were little? Splinter being the best dad he could be. Lair stories, family moments and memories etc

Im doing this so my followers know im not dead ;-; @pinktacofury & @brightlotusmoon I am so sorry i havent responded yet im trying to get the best for both of yous guyses asks while also answering simple ones. Anyway here you go

Splinter was a man of honour back in his day. He was strong, cunning, vigilant, and most of all... caring. He took in four turtles with each their own big character. A single father (amd a rat), he had to scavange and barter and steal from the streets while making sure they were safe. He had to teach them the way of ninja when they were only 3 and he has many stories. But for now he'll share the basics of his children

•Splinter was able to count the rings on his boys shells to tell how old they were (2rings=1year) Leo was 5, raph and donatello were 4, and Michelangelo was only reaching 1 year

•Leo looked up to Splinter too, always going with him most frequently to the surface. Donatello would work up the stuff they got while Raph would keep mikey happy

•Leo loved playing with michelangelo the most. They would play simon says and pirate space ship. He was always the captain though

•(for me) When you're in a big family there is always the two who fight the most. That would be Leo and Raphael. Constantly they would butt heads and always Splinter had to seperate them. No matter how much he taught Leonardo the power of patience and integrity it seemed Raphael always got under his skin.

•Donatello never had a problem with anyone. He was born softspoken and gentle but with the brains of a genius. His true talent peaked at only 5. The intelligence of your sweet Matilda, able to read and write. Doing quick math and could catch onto anything quick. Which meant he was quick at getting out of trouble too

•Michelangelo was a wild child. Anytime Master Splinter thought he finally got him to sit down or sleep he would turn for one second and when he came back michelangelo would be off dping cartwheels or trying to get on his mini skates. He would draw on the walls and spill the orange juice on the floors but no matter what damage he caused Splinter always saw he was the light of the boys. The brightest and happiest

•They are boys. They will make messes and they will cause trouble. Master Splinter has cleaned millions of messes and solved the most untame of problems. He can't even imagine having another

•Leonardo is afraid of the dark and ghosts. Raphael is scared of lightning and bugs. Donnie is afraid of moths and tight spaces. Mikey is afraid of loud noises and being alone

•Raphael always had a problem with controlling his anger. Splinter could calm him down but he couldn't keep him calm. Raphael could simply hear or see something and it would get him worked up. He would sit and he would just be thinking and look pissed. Splinter would worry and worry about how he could never relax or untense.

•overall he really loved his boys. They were his families and his home and Master Splinter would die for his sons

#Tmnt #Teenage mutant ninja turtles #Leonardo #Leo #Raphael #Raph #Donatello #Donnie #Michelangelo #Mikey #Master Splinter #Splinter #Headcannons #fluff #family

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tigerdrop · 4 years ago

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king u gonna elaborate on virgin benrey

listen i have kiryu “is 100% a virgin at the ripe old age of 37, and this is appealing to me instead of fucking hilarious″ kazuma disease and it has followed me here. also this kind of branches into a completely different kink at the end b/c i am diseased

so you know how i write "obviously fucks good and hard all the time" benrey. well........you know.......like..........what if......................he didnt. what if he was. what if he had never fucked before in his life and his incessant flirting finally works and hes like "i did not expect to get this far."

envision, if u will, the delightful awkwardness of virgin benrey + "has never had sex with a dude before" gordon

ive definitely brought up the possibilities of gordon going all science-brain on null benrey before but i think it works just as well on virgin benrey too. its a learning experience for both of them and if theres one thing gordons good at, its research. and gordon probably gets way too up in his own head about making sure he does this shit right and spends a lot of sleepless nights googling "how to have sex with dudes" and, you know, researching,

if benreys not the one fucking babying him thru his first gay experiences he is probably going to bungle it so fucking badly and i think it would be really funny

alternatively please consider gordon being so fucking neurotic about benrey never having done this shit before that he avoids the subject as hard as possible, thinking that hes gonna dick it up hardcore, but the whole time benreys just thinking "bro i havent had my dick touched in [however long hes been alive]. come on". the tension

furiously making out with him behind a fucking crate in black mesa and then realizing this is Going Places and gordons voice breaks as he says, way too loud, "I GOTTA UHHH GO RELOAD MY SMG. RIGHT NOW"

you think gordon is touch starved ? no. Hell with this

Im just tsying theres no evidence hes been touched at all by another human being in his life before this. if hes video game in real he benrey noclip out of being touched

what if he like, chooses not to noclip/not feel....ON that time gordon catches him. just cuz hes curious, a gay impulse. or maybe hes so surprised (and gay) he forgets to avoid it

and oh, to be in gordon freeman's gentle grasp. makes him into an unholy annoyance of awkward gayness for the rest of the series

YEAS.......also he has definitely thought hard about sucking gordons dick but doesnt actually have any idea how he would go about it. hes just heard its cool

giddy thinking about the scenario where its actually benrey whos terrible at sucking dick b/c hes never done it before and gordon who actually does suck dick like a champ

i know that this is literally the plot of the very first serious nsfw fic in this fandom but still. virgin beney. benrey getting sucked off for the first time in his entire life and shaking like a fucking leaf......

Power trip of Gordon realizing this guy whose been hitting on him the whole time has no idea what to actually do

Gordon Freeman Gives Benrey A Prostate Exam

its a joke but its not a joke. virgin benrey being vaguely aware that being fucked by gordon freeman would be cool, in theory, but not fully conceptualizing of how you actually get a dick in your ass until gordons like "what?? no, dude, you cant just stick it in there" and gives him a demonstration and thats how benrey discovers he has a prostate

benrey like "idgi man this just feels weird. when do we get to theohhh my god what. what that" and gordons like "what, u mean this?" (curls his fingers again) mean smirk hours

i want him to make a squeaky little noise when gordon says that and curls his fingers again, and gordon's like "ha- knew he'd like it" and keeps kneading him a while; but oops, suddenly benrey's coming with an even squeakier noise

gordon's so surprised he just keeps going, hes like, not comprehending until benys whining at him to stop

a thought: benreys not good at "being human" and probably doesnt actually know whats supposed to happen when u nut so every time hes been jackin it he just does it until it starts to be Just A Little Too Much and then hes like "mission accomplished" and stops. imagine his fucking surprise when gordons jerking him off and he doesnt stop and hes like "wh ha hu what the fuck i already got off bro" and gordon just stares at him and the distinctive lack of cum on his hand and s like ".......did you? you sure about that one."

tl;dr benrey squirming and babbling and digging his fingers into gordons back as he begs him to keep going, he doesnt know whats gonna happen and hes feeling totally overwhelmed b/c gordons pushing him further than hes ever been pushed and he keeps inadvertently trying to wriggle away b/c its So Much but gordon, maybe, pins down his hips so he can get benrey off For Real.......

even better if its when gordons sucking him off for the first time so he can wrap his arms and hands around benreys thighs to keep them spread wide open and firmly in place

knees shaking and thighs jumping constantly

and benrey has no idea when its supposed to be over so he cant even warn gordon properly. he just keeps getting louder and louder.......

maybe even.......completely hunched over gordon......pushing him down on his dick with his hands in his hair.......

alternating between babbling "stop" and "dont stop" b/c hes stupid

eventually gordon gets so sick of benrey not being able to decide whether he wants to shove gordon onto his dick or yank him off that he just pulls off and says "look, man, do you trust me?" b/c he would really like to just get benrey to stop edging himself here

UNINTENTIONAL OVERSTIMULATION.......THE TEARS........HHHHHHH

and he eventually gets benrey to nod furiously at him that he trusts him and gordons just like, okay, im not gonna stop then. im gonna keep going. and.......he does

eyes glazed, hair sticking to him with sweat, hips all twitchy, dick all red, face also all red

sucking benrey dry until hes over sensitive.......

He started off spasming then he’s rocking into Gordon’s face by the time he’s wailing his name. Panting and gasping like he’s fucking DROWNING

gordon meanwhile almost nuts in his pants from the fuckin show that benreys puttin on for him and hes not even trying. hes just Like This. gordons got jerkoff material for the next month just thinking about the way benrey wails his name and clutches his hair tight

benreys like (slurred) 'u gonna jack off or sumn.......was it not hot'. gordon fighting with every cell of his body not to scream "WAS IT NOT HOT?"

trying to decide what would be hotter: gordon jacking off while hes on his knees with his head resting on benreys thigh or jerking off on benreys stomach and.....r.......rubbing it in

benrey watching gordon cum and feeling a whole new context for it cause now he knows how good it feels and gets turned on again faster-

thinking.......about.......th. next time. now that benreys figured it out. he gives it a try on his own time and hes so surprised that it works that he goes up to gordon like "yo. check this out. i figured out how to jack it" and gordon has the most unimpressed look on his face imaginable

"proud of you, buddy. am i good to go back to watching storage wars, or" "you wanna uhhh.....wanna see it maybe?" and that changes his entire tune

imagining benrey being so fucking bad at it still that he keeps doing the start-stop shit b/c its so intense and hes not used to it and the thing that actually gets him to finish is gordon, pants down to his knees and fisting his own dick like he might die tomorrow, leaning forward and telling him that hes got this, benreys gonna come for him, right? come for gordon?

gordon fucking telling him "dont stop" WRT jerking himself off and benrey just listening to him and pushing himself is ruining my fuckin mind

its a really good thought......i love how it plays into non-human benrey having to figure out human stuff........makes me crayz

probably keeps being sensitive for a long while too........ (mumbling very very quietly) and if hes so sensitive from never being touched before......maybe hes kind of........uhhh..................ticklish

new layers to the whole "oh my god its too much stop it" + "i actually dont want you to stop touching" thing .. . . .. . . . + gordon powertripping when he realizes whats going on with him and why he keeps jerking away and trying not to laugh when gordon touches him like on his stomach or his sides

benrey accidentally jerks too hard and knees gordon in the dick from how ticklish he feels just from like, hands on his sides or something

i was actually thinking about......like.......gordon laying on the ground and suffering (because why wouldnt i be thinking about gordon suffering) and deciding that enough is enough and offering to.......desensitize benrey. you know. for his own health

you know. uhhh. tying up his arms and legs, perhaps, and. you know. "do not noclip through these. i swear to god, benrey, if you kick me in the dick again"

i'm think about benrey begging gordon to stop, so he does, to check if this is a Forreal stop or a "hahah nooo~" stop, and benrey asks him through gasps to keep fucking tickling him (except he just says smth to the effect of ."gh.. ....keep doing it dude wuhdah hell...") and gordon gets an evil fucking grin and just feels on top of the world "yeah?? think you can handle it, huh???" and just destroys him. benrey thinks about gordon's horny manic face for weeks

neither of them had a thing for this before this point but the combination of feeling like hes being tickled and gordons hands on him for the first time making him mad horny gives benrey a brand new fucking fetish. gordons manic fucking face im so glad we are on the same wavelength about that

i truly hate my own posts. incurable. diseased

#asky #writin stuff #SOMETHING GOT COPIED AND PASTED WRONG SORRY

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drkcnry67 · 4 years ago

Text

join me?

title: join me?

pairing: Jared x reader

rating: 18+

fluff: single parent AU

kink: shower sex

tags: shower sex, single parent x single nanny, vaginal penetration, climax, asking someone you know to become your partner in raising your child

summery: not telling

mentioning @sweetness47

created for @spnfluffbingo @spnkinkbingo

kink list fluff list

the following AD you had placed on all the job boards:

“if you are a Single parent in need of someone to move in to help look after your kids, clean, cook for you Im that person. obviously i can cook, clean, drive, shop for groceries you know the esentials. basically anything you would require of me i can accomplish. call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx, to discuss details. sincerely YN. PS im willing to relocate if needbe. thank you for reading this.”

just like that it was done, it was posted. now, all you had to do was wait. someone was bound to call eventually.

after 3 weeks you were about to re-post the ad, your phone rang. someone from san Antonio, as far as you were concerned you knew of no one who lived in that corner of the world.

you took a chance and answered the call.

YN: hello!

Jared: yes, im looking for YN

YN: thats me

Jared: perfect, my name is Jared Padalecki. i’m a single father to a 4 year old boy named Thomas. he’s my mess maker & i love him to bits. but balancing between work and parenting is alot harder than most people think. my wife had divorced me she felt like i didnt care enough about her or the foundation she built, so one night she walked out and i havent seen her since. so anyway i was looking through the ads for live in nanny when i came across yours. your ad drew me to it, im sorry if this sounds too forward but its been hard.

YN: not at all. so what are the terms of this job?

Jared: well, as we speak im just finishing the details of your flight to San Antonio which first of all i need your current location like where you are coming from and how much baggage you are bringing.

YN: thats very kind of you to book me a flight. im coming from San Francisco with 3 suitcases and 2 carry ons. most of it are small keepsakes and other sich clothing items i pick up along the way. but not a big deal i just dont have a permenant home to leave anything at. so if you dont mind me coming with all my little nik naks and figurines...

Jared chuckled in the background before he spoke.

Jared: girl, i think we can deal with that. ill buy some wall shelves and a special case for your statues and figures, with enough room that should you want more you can get more. There will be a vehicle you can use to transport my son to school and do errands and stuff like that, there will be a spare room included for you with your own bathroom. The shopping can be done by you after you drop my son off to school on a day of your choosing. If you like all that your duties do not include yard maintenence. You are free to take my son out for shopping trips as well, you get a shared card to my all expense account to do all your spending for the house and for yourself. It goes straight to my account it's all good. I want your time here to be awesome.

YN: this is my cell, please tell me you have some good news about my flight details.

Jared: check your texts.

You check your messages before you go back to the call.

YN: thats a good flight, so what kind of plans are for when i get there.

Jared: well if you want we can go get the groceries when you arrive, after we leave the airport. then we can go for lunch and get you a few pretty things. sign some bank papers to put your name in my accounts.

Yn: that sounds good, I've just sent notice to my landlord, I'm just packing up some of my figures now. I'm gonna have to get my license and stuff switched over to Texas state license but I'm excited for this.

Jared: i know as am i its been a while since we had any type of female presence in the house. we havent any such thing, but tomorrow that all changes. i know that you are gonna bring a light into our lives that hasnt been here in well ever.

YN: glad i can help, now lets see whats the day tomorrow yields.

Jared: i am so excited, so is my son. he keeps asking when you are gonna be here. but it is gonna be a happy day tomorrow. i know that this is gonna sound strange, but i hope your the one that can save me.

you heard his tone change instantly, you felt the power coming from it. you felt the wet in your panties. you were not okay in the slightest. but you felt amazing at the same time.

YN: i guess ill let you go. ill shoot you a text when i get to the airport. cause i want to help you. i want to be the one to save you.

neither of you knew what the hell just happened, neither of you would remember what was said, at the end of it neither of you would be able to state the words of the other. it will remain that way till a different day in the near off future.

Jared: ill see you tomorrow... YN.

YN: jared.

the call ended, it was the moment when you felt like you could breathe again. the moment when you felt as though it would be your last. the moment when you felt like you were on cloud 9.

you went to the cornerstore to get a few travel items. a few other things as well. a lot of times before you travel you do this kind of big shop, but this time was not like most times. Jared was providing everything for you, you had to bring you and what you currently owned, as well as your documents and stuff like that.

after cleaning most of what you could in the apartment, you set your alarm and went to bed. you woke up to your 6:00am alarm. it was a long time but you were also a good half hour to the airport. you wanted plenty of time for check in and travel distance.

finishing packing, leaving your keys to the apartment in the hands of your landlord who helped you bring your bags out the front door. she wished you a safe trip and to call if you were ever in the area again.

you brought your bags to the cab and got in. you told the driver to take you to the airport. upon arrival at the airport, the cab driver helped you load your bags onto a cart and drove off. you pushed the cart into the airport, went to the check in desk.

check in lady: may i see your ticket and passport please?

You hand over your ticket and passsport. the lady scans your ticket and hands both your passport and ticket back to you.

check in lady: alright your good to go, the gift shop is open if you want to stop there, its just on your left passed security.

Yn: do I give you my suitcases! Well at least the ones that aren't carry ons.

Check in lady ushers for a security guard to come round to take the 3 suitcases from you. To which you smile and thank them and head off to go through security.

Security guard: please put all your bags in a bin, your jacket and shoes as well as your jewelry in this bin and then you can stand on this square we will bring you through and go from there.

you did as asked. you complied you went to stand on the square, were waved through, the thing didnt beep but you were still patted down and then given your stuff back. sent on your merry way, you were happily walking through the airport again.

you went to the gift shop, you were buying a few puzzle books to keep you entertained on the flight. as well as a dress off the rack and some playing cards (one of each type), and some statues. these ones were small but made you smile.

you paid for everything and then went to the bathroom to change and organize your bags. you come out of the bathroom, your hair is up in a ponytail. you go take a seat holding your passport and ticket.

after half hour of sitting there, your flight number was called. You pulled out your phone, texting Jared.

Yn (by text): morning, I am about to board my flight

Jared (by text): morning, I hope you have a safe flight, Thom and i cant wait to see you. Thom made you a sign we will be holding it, you have my word and honor that we will be good, we will all get along quite good.

YN (by text): of course, as do i. i look forward to getting to San Antonio and beginning a new life. the pre flight is starting ill let you know when i land.

Jared (by text): have a safe flight. see you in a few hours. i gotta bathe the kiddo.

The pre flight took a bit longer than you thought it would, but Jared's message was one you ended up saving as a screenshot. You listened to your music when the flight attendant said we were free to use the screens ahead of us and whatever else.

You even did some puzzle books and wrote in your journal.

You were nervous, of course you were nervous. This was the first time you were gonna meet a single dad and a son. Thoughts of what they might look like floated through your mind. The thoughts of the life you were stepping into were beyond what your mind could conjour.

But the way he spoke to you said something about saving you, made you wonder if something more was happening to him.

Something maybe in his past that might be coming after him now. There was a darkness in his voice that you couldn't shake.

But you shoke it off, you were not gonna let these thoughts consume you. You waited for the hours to pass, and they did rather quickly.

For what was once 30 mins that had passed, became an hour and a half. You were almost there. 8 am quickly turned into 1030am there was still half hour to go.

This was it the landing checks the whole pack up whatever you took out, close the trays un recline your seats, take out and shut off your music speech came quickly. You put away the books and things, you held your phone in one hand using the other to get up form your seat. You followed the people out of the plane.

You walked out onto the concourse and made sure you were lookin good before you stepped onto the escalator.

Jared was watching, but when his eyes landed on you coming toward him he smiled. He couldn't help himself. A little voice in his head told him not to smile, but to jump you instead. Jared ignored that voice for he didn't want to do anything harmful with Thom around. Even then he wouldn't. he instead watched you walk toward him.

Jared: YN.

YN: you must be Jared. It is a pleasure to meet you.

You both shake hands but a spark flows between both of your hands. Before you place your bags on the ground and look at Thom.

YN: you must be the little cutie. Did you make this sign all by yourself?

Thom nods and gives you a hug which you graciously return. You were feeling happy.

Jared: i think we should go wait by the luggage bay so we can grab your luggage. Then we can head off for lunch and shopping and paper filling.

YN: the luggage should have started coming out by now anyway right?

Jared: possibly. But i want to hear more about you, your adventures and can i just say that dress is delectable.

There it was again, that deep dark tone to his voice. He now held his hand out for your bags as Thom was urging for you to carry him. Jared carried your carry ons, you carried Thom who just smiled happily.

Jared: ive never seen Thom take kindly to anyone before. This is gonna work out just fine.

YN: thom is so sweet, i look forward to working with him on a daily basis. I also look forward to helping you with the house.

You smiled as thom came up to you and sat in your lap. Jared just watched amazed by your skill with kids.

As the luggage came round you pointed out your suitcases to Jared who grabbed them placing them on the cart.

You held thom who just contently hugged you. He nestled himself against the crook of your neck, soft snores filled yours and Jared's ears shortly after.

Jared: he barely slept last night he was too excited. I'm not surprised that he is sleeping now.

Jared says as you all walk to the car, Jared with the luggage cart, you holding thom. You gently placed thom in the car, you watch Jared place the luggage in the trunk.

Jared: and you are the miracle worker, he is asleep. He will sleep till we wake him for lunch. He will also hopefully sleep through the bank and licencing appointments.

Before he could say another word you went over and gave him a kiss to his cheek. The air between you both was growing thin.

This would have been your first kiss if not for the fact that jared’s watch went off.

Jared: we have to be at the bank in half an hour. Which is perfect but first i want to try something. Just dont move.

You didnt move you stood there as Jared slid his hand around your waist. And placed a soft kiss to your neck. Then moved to whisper in your ear.

Jared: a little bit of food for thought. The darkness is growing inside me and i swear i will hold it back as long as i can. But you need to understand you are the only one who can stop the darkness.

You went round to your side of the vehicle. Feeling a little flustered. Jared was behind you, you turned to see him, his eyes starring at you. His hand on your own, you feel a spark, you feel that same spark that you both had felt back in the airport, when you first met.

The ride to the bank was good, you and jared talked and went over a list for shopping and made a list of things to do when you arrived to Jared’s home. You were done the bank & licensing appointments.

Deciding that it would be easier pick up take out for lunch as Thom was still sleeping. Like he was out like a light. You guys were able to quickly go in follow the list and get everything on the list. Finally on the road with lunch and heading home to Jareds.

YN: so i guess i will need to set up some stuff and unpack.

Jared: ill even help you set up and build the shelving and things. Believe me your suite is gonna be your style when we are through with it. We are almost there. Then we will get you settled. And its still early in the day.

YN: lets hope that we can get a majority of this done before thom wakes up.

Jared: or at least un pack the car or have the lawn care people help with that as well. Ill just pay them extra for it.

Within a few moments after that you guys pull dup to a gate, where Jared used a key card to open it.

Jared: welcome to your new home YN!

From that point in the day you and Jared and thom spent it getting acquainted, you did some schooling with thom, jaredd helped you set up your suite, Jared and you celebrated with a glass of wine each before bed from then on. More little moments were stollen like the one that happened in the airport.

Something worse would be a drift in the near future. you didnt know what but you had a feeling that something would come to light that you would never expect in a million years.

~its now been 8 months and 12 days since you came to live with Jared and Thom. you settled in quite nicely. you drove back and forth to get thom to and from school, you cooked, cleaned and you happily did all the laundry. now we start our story again on the last day of school, with you just having picked up Thom from school and are in the car driving back home~

you had just gotten on the freeway Thom had passed out a while back for his afternoon nap. you were just happy for a small moment of peace and quiet. but your bluetooth came through the car at a volume that thankfully didnt wake Thom.

you saw it was Jared so obviously you answered.

Jared: hey hows it going?

Yn: good, thom is having a nap, im just on the freeway. how was work?

Jared: good, i couldnt wait for the day to be over. i have a surprise for you.

YN: for me or for me and thom or for all 3 of us

Jared: call it a family surprise.

YN: wait im part of the family. none of my jobs previously had ever considered me part of the family. its nice to finally be included in an actual family.

you could hear jared chuckle before he continued to speak.

Jared: i know you are new to the whole permenant family thing, and we are always gonna have a home here for you. but i want to celebrate the start of summer with a tradition.

YN: something new or something old?

Jared: a new tradition one that starts as soon as you guys get home...

YN: and will i need to pack a bag?

Jared: yes although i had my assistant at work go out and buy you a few new things for this trip today, so how long till you guys get home...

suddenly thom pipes up from the background.

thom: hi daddy.

Jared: hey little man, ive got a surprise for you when you and YN get home.

YN: we will see you in 10 minutes jared.

Jared: see you in the driveway

the call ended and you handed thom a sucker from your center console. he smiled and giggled all the rest of the way home. you pulled into the driveway parking in your normal spot.

Jared comes round to bring thom out first, after spinning him around before setting him down on the ground, he comes round to your side. he opens the door and extends his hand to you.

he helps you out of the car, and walks you to the door. where you all enter before Jared send thom up to his room to get ready. guess he had told thom the secret before he told you, but you were now standing in the living room with Jared who turns to you.

YN: what is the big surprise, i assume you told Thom and thats why he ran upstairs all excited.

Jared: i bought us a vacation house about 2 months ago. it is all season, and we get to go there and spend these next 6 weeks there. its in canyon lake about 2 hours by car. thom will probably sleep at least part of the way there. but YN i want you to know that i have a secret one that has me flustered enough to internally keep it from you for he is the glue that holds us together. but i wonder if perhaps we as in us 2 have a few things we can be together.

before you could respond Jared leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to your lips, for those 2 seconds it was like heaven had shot you with an arrow.

Jared pulled back and began to walk toward the kitchen to pack some trip snacks and drinks. but before leaving you alone in the living room he spoke.

Jared: ill leave you with that food for thought for it will be something to definately make conversation about later.

That kiss, your only real first kiss. Made you extremely excited. But the drive the 2 hour drive had you all hot and bothered. you went to pack your stuff in your bag. well at least thats what you thought, when you got to your room, you saw a suitcase, one filled with yours and Jareds stuff. maybe you guys were traveling light or there was already stuff out there for you guys.

you packed your journals, some games and a few books and of course a deck of cards in your backpack. you wheeled the suitcase out of the suite while carrying the backpack. then you went back in to put your hair back.

you heard someone calling your name. you answered the call and heard footsteps coming to your room. you turned to see Jared standing there, like nothing had happened downstairs.

Jared: are we almost ready to go?

YN: almost. just gonna get into something a bit more vacay less public appearance. meet you down in 2...

Jared: wear something sexy. i guarantee that you will be the hottest thing in the car. and you can pick the music.

you grabbed something out of the closet and took it into the bathroom. you came out to see Jared standing not facing you. till you would speak woulkd be when he would know you were there.

YN: does that mean we are bluetoothing it all the way there.

Jared: got the wireless charging pad installed and all ready to go. plus i hooked your phone to the bluetooth already. now when you are ready we will head out.

YN: i know. jared are we gonna discuss what happened between us downstairs?

Jared: that kind of talk is better suited for vacation.

thom is waiting by the door, you and jared bring down the last of the stuff. thom just as excited about this vacation as any little child should be. everything was loaded in the car, you went to lock the house and set the alarm. but before setting the alarm, you said the one word that you were sure might confirm your suspicions.

YN: christo!

the cross on the wall near by turned upside down. you finished setting the alarm after salting the doors and windows. only hoping that this would be easy, but now you were certain that you had figured out the darkness that Jared kept mentioning.

you went to the car, sitting down you nodded at Jared to start driving. and it was declared right then and there that you all were officially on vacation. Thom sat quietly and eventually passed out. your music playing in the background, Jared realizing that Thom had fallen asleep moved his hand to rest on your thigh.

this made you look at him, the darkness in his eyes faded when you placed your hand on his. the darkness that starred at you, the way his hand tightened on your thigh. you were the luckiest girl in the world. you hoped that this vacay would yield the answers you hoped you didnt need.

over the last little while you had done research on what you thought might be the darkness latched to Jared. after what happened in the house before you left with the cross. you were certain. Jared was possessed. and you had to stop this thing from doing something he would regret.

your mind circled with those thoughts, but a voice brought you out of your own mind.

Jared: you have been quiet, is everythign alright?

YN: yes everything is fine. just going over the list and making sure we dont need to have the lawn people do any extra tasks while we are gone.

jared: why do you think we forgot something?

YN: its just a feeling. but its nothing to worry about. now when we get there i assume that we are gonne have a tour and a chance to unpack before we decide our first vacation activity.

Jared: i also hope you dont mind sharing a room with me. its a little 5 bedroom cottage but the 3rd, 4th and 5th rooms are supposed to be guest rooms. they only has a cot and no closet. we are just waiting on a few parts to be reno’d in there.

YN: i think i can live with this arrangement. thom i assume is gonna be in a room close by.

Jared: yep he is at one end of the hall we are at the other. you know when i called you all those months ago, asking you to fly out here to help me, i was ready to give up on finding someone to help me take care of the house and Thom. but your ad made me have hope that maybe you would be the one that would save me.

YN: i think i know what darkness follows you but i wont know forsure until i can run a test.

Jared: what kind of test

YN: one that would need to be done when Thom is asleep. one that i hope will either prove me right or prove me a liar. that is if your willing to try.

Jared: im willing to try anything.

YN: well then we will try it tonight after Thom goes to bed.

neither of you had realized how much time had passed, then you saw a sign. Jared smiled.

Jared: we are close now.

YN: that sign that i just saw is that where we are going?

Jared: yep. once you se the place you will understand why i got it. and i sound proofed the master, just in case...

he winked at you as he slowed down at the edge of a driveway. he then guided your gaze to look ahead at the cottage that now stod before you.

Thom woke up shortly after you had pulled him out of the car. he rubbed his eyes and smiled as he ran toward the house, screaming happily as he approached the steps. where he waited for you and Jared.

you both brought what you could while still having hands to open the door and help Thom up the stairs. jared unlocked the door allowing you and thom to walk through first. your eyes went wide at the first glance of your home away from home with Jared and Thom.

this was gonna be an amazing vacation. you put down what you carried, as well as let go of Thom who was running around looking at everything. you spun round and somehow landed in the arms of Jared.

Jared: what do you think?

YN: what do i think.. this is amazing. i love this. this is incredible. i wouldnt trade this vacation for anything. honestly i would rather be no where else. im quite happy here.

Jared: as in this home or my arms.

YN: both. jared, i i...

just as your about to speak again. you and jared are interrupted by thom coming out of a nearby room half dressed.

Thom: daddy, YN can we go swimming now...

jared set you back on your feet and you both laughed.

Jared: in a few moments bud we gotta find the swim suits first.

as Jared said that the attendants brought up the luggage. you looked at Jared who just smiled and whispered in your ear.

Jared: you have the summer off to relax for 6 weeks. just be normal with me and Thom. these next hours could prove several things for us. starting with lets take Thom swimming and then go from there. we will hopefully eat when we return. the attendants are already preparing supper.

you could do nothing except smile. it was already turning into a really steamy vacay. you went to where you saw jared going through your shared suitcase. first chance you got you grabbed your bikini and cover.

you went into the nearby spare room closing the door behind you. you get changed, you could hear Jared ask one of the attendants to take Thom to find him a life jacket from the boat house. then you heard silence.

then you heard the sound of the door knob turning, you were only half done tying your bikini. when Jared walked in shirtless and wearing his swim trunks.

Jared: need help?

you froze in place at his words it was like your actions were not your own. it was a few seconds after that you felt his hands around your waist sliding slowly up your back.

Jared: i wish we had this place to ourselves. we would not be leaving that master suite for a while.

YN: i wish Thom was asleep so i could take away your darkness.

Jared: so you know what it is...

YN: yes and i need you alone when i take away the darkness, Thom would be in too much danger. dont worry you will be darkness free soon. you will be back in the light and free to live your live happy with me and Thom. im not gonna let this darkness ruin your life any longer. tonight it gets banished.

Jared: just gotta tire Thom out enough that he will sleep tonight.

YN: well then lets not keep him waiting any longer.

you and jared walk outside and down the path to the lake. you were amazed at the wonder and beauty before you. bout halfway to the lake, you were pressed against the back side of a nearby tree. Jared’s eyes darkened at the sight of you, the feeling of your body beneath his hands had him hard, you could feel it against your lower back.

Jared: once Thom is gone to bed, I'm gonna make Jared watch through his own eyes as I fuck you into next week. Jared will never inhabit his body again.

You struggled slightly before speaking.

YN: i address the entity within, who are you?

Jared’s form just smiled evily at you, his hands still freely roaming your body.

YN: well you should also know that you wont live long enough to fuck me into next week. im gonna expell you from Jared’s body and send you back where you came from. now i command thee for all that light brings give me Jared back immediately.

once you finished speaking Jared’s body fell to his knees, you kneel down to only be hugged by Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

YN: don't worry, just calm down. That demon is gonna be gone when I do the ritual. Take a few moments to breathe, I'm gonna go sit on the dock where the attendant is in the shallows with thom. Just take your time.

You placed a kiss to his cheek, then walked the rest of the way to the lake. Upon arrival at the lake, you watched the attendant and Thom, playing in the shallow water.

Attendant: miss YN. Where is Master Jared?

YN: he will be along shortly he just wanted to check his messages make sure everything is running smoothly.

Attendant: then I shall stay down here with you both till he arrives. How do you like the place Miss?

Yn: it's gorgeous. I love it. I have never been invited to go on any type of vacation. Not even in my own family. So this was a really awesome surprise.

Attendant: that is so sad... Well to many more times like this then. Thom here is a amazing little kiddo, you have been working so hard master Jared just wanted to give you a vacation you wouldn't soon forget.

Thom meanwhile was just enjoying the water, his expression had a huge smile on it. He was wet head to toe and absolutely having fun!

You kept waiting on the dock for Jared to approach and for 10 min he didn't till you, looked and saw his form approach.

you sat on the dock and felt him slide down behind you, his legs are on either side of yours, his arms round your waist. you both sat there enjoying the view while Thom played with the attendant in the water below. neither you nor Jared felt like moving knowing that in a few hours you both would be expelling the demonic force that lay now dormant inside Jared.

Jared: do you know what is better than sitting here on the dock.

YN: what

Jared: sitting on the dock with you surrounded by nature, this will be the best vacation ever once we get rid of the demon.

~time skip to a few hours later. after some swimming you all went back to the house for dinner. after dinner you guys played a game or 2 with Thom who then went with one of the attendants and had a bath, then it was time to put him to sleep. you and Jared read him a story, then he fell fast asleep. for he truely was tuckered out, you and Jared dismissed the attendants and locked the doors for the evening. you both went to the master suite as we return to the story.~

YN: i need to set something up first can you wait like 5 minutes before you enter the bathroom. oh and dont plan on showering in your trunks, and bring towels with you. i have a feeling like we will need them when we are done.

Jared: ill see you in there.

you walk towards the bathroom, holding the prayer beeds in one hand and un doing your bikini in the other. you placed the bikini on the ground and set your phone on the counter.

YN: Exorcizo te, creatura aquae. In nomine dei patris omnipotentis et in virtute spiritus sancti.

you finished the incantation and placed the rosery on the shower head so it lands in the water. then you took one look out the window and just let the water run over your body.

Jared walks in with nothing on he places the towels on the counter, you see him out of the corner of your eye.

Yn: join me?

Jared didn't need an invitation he was already climbing in behind you. For he knew that this was the only way to expell the demon.

You turned around and now faced him, you looked up at him holding his gaze you move him round so he is under the water.

His body starts shaking that's when you spoke again.

Yn: please let this work...

You had him lift you up so he was holding you as you slid down onto his cock, and spoke the incantation that hopefully would save his life. In other words bring his light fuller to push away the darkness.

Also there was a Devils trap in the floor where jard was standing you had the attendantz draw one, for the demon to be sent straight back to hell. With a clear voice the following words were spoken by you.

Yn: exorcisomus te, omnis immunus spirits, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarri, omnis legio, omnis congregato, insectas diabolicas, ergo dracto malidicte, eclesium secura fascious liberate, te regamous, audinos

At that point black smoke came out of Jared's mouth, and went straight through the floor. When Jared looked at you again his eyes were clear and he leaned you against the wall.

He began thrusting his hard cock in and out of your pussy. It was something that both of you had dreamed about for months.

His hard cock pounding your sensitive tender pussy. With each thrust you climaxed. But it was the kisses that left you both breathless.

The more he thrust the more he came. After 45 minutes and 16 climaxes for the both of you.

Jared set you down, helped you rinse off, both of you getting out after Jared turned off the water, Jared wrapped a towel round you, then he dried himself off.

Jared: thank you. Thank you for saving my life. But where did you learn to do that.

YN: too much research on the paranormal. I knew something was off and when that demon named himself I knew what I had to do.

Jared: would you consider making your time here a role more permenant than just a nanny?

YN: what kind of role would that be?

you are immediately pickd up and placed on the bed with Jared crawling on top of you. he made love to you for a few moments before just curling up with you in his arms and muttered only 2 words before he crashed.

Jared: marry me

you used voice command to turn out the lights before passing out yourself. when you both woke the next morning with just a sheet covering your still cuddling forms. you blinked a bit before moving a piece of Jared’s hair out of his eyes.

it was a few moments later that Jared stirred.

YN: morning handsome.

Jared: that was the best ive slept in years.

YN: do you remember saying anything after we hit the pillow last night.

Jared twists away from you for a moment and pulls something out of one of the drawers in his nightstand, before coming back to your embrace.

Jared: all this time i felt empty and now i want nothing more than to have you stay permenantly. YN will you partner with me in raising Thom full time, not as a nanny but as a step mom to him. YN i believ i already asked you this but will you marry me?

he reveals a small rose gold band with a 15k diamond in the center surrounded by your birthstone and Jareds birth stone. this made you nod alot, trying to find your voice as the cool metal band slid on your finger.

YN: yes! yes yes yes!!!! but umm does this mean we dont have to leave this bed right away.

Jared: i think that can be arranged besides its still early. its only 6am... we are still on work time.

going back to cuddle mode you admired your new ring as Jared now once more wraped your form in his own, your leg draped over his hip and you guys were basically a free range pretzel. so to speak. it became the start of the life you always wanted something permenant and stable. not loose and ragged.

goes to show love strikes when you least expect it.

#spnkinkbingo #spnfluffbingo

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maiface23 · 5 years ago

Text

SUBMISSIVE:

The Masturbation vs. Sex Debate

Note: If anyone listens to the VIEWS podcast, then you would know David said before he prefers masterbation over sex. That's where I drew inspiration for this fanfic for Sub!David. Also drew inspiration from @dd-imagines . I really enjoy Dom!David, so this was a new way of writing for me, This also might turn out long, so I hope you're ready, and I Hope you enjoy!

Warning: Smut, Fluff, Choking, Aggression

You've been with David for a while now. Time has flow, by your not really sure for how long. Maybe 6 months? Maybe more? Either way, the connection and chemistry you have with him is undeniable. You've done everything in bed with David that is possible.... So you thought... knowing everything about each other's bodies. Your relationship is just bliss.

One day you realized you havent been catching up in David and Jason's podcast. There was some shows you havent listened to before, shows that they made before you two became involved with each other.

You were bored, laying in your bed, wishing you went with David to New York. But you couldn't, So all you could do was wait for the time to go past untill everyone came back home.

You scroll though the shows, waiting for a title to catch your eye, when you finally find one, titled "$400,000 to quit drinking".

You start to listen, missing David's voice, comforting you as you lay alone, wishing he was there with you, holding you. Then something David states that catches you off gaurd.

David on VIEWS podcast- "I think masturbation is better"

Your eyes wide, feeling confused.

David on VIEWS podcast- "I just think- that- one- you know what you want the most... it's so convenient, you can do it whenever you want... You can do it where ever you want.... one part of your body helps out the other. It's almost like- kinda magical."

You gasped. You feel so offended, but you start to realize that this was before you guys got together. Maybe single David just thinks differently, and he changed his mind. Even having these thoughts, you are still upset. Am I not good enough? You think to your self. You honestly didn't even want to finish the show, you feel like you might just get more and more offended if you do.

You decide to distract your mind with other things, cleaning your apartment, listening to music, painting, anything to make you forget about that podcast, Waiting for David to be home.

Two days later:

You're waiting for David at his house, you let yourself in with the key he gave you. You were so excited to hug him, to kiss him. And also egar to ask him about that part in VIEWS. You're sitting on the couch, when you hear the door open and bags shuffling.

David- "Y/N...?" He called out, wondering if you made it to the house before him.

You jump up out of your seat and make your way to him quickly, David smiling wide as he sees you rushing to him. He drops all of his things to wrap his arms around your body, embracing you. He smells like your David, his warmth comforting your body. You pull away slightly so you can give him a kiss. You wrap your hands around his neck and pull him in, His lips taste like your David as well. You stop kissing and look up at each other.

David- "Hi." He says as he smiles

Y/N- "I missed you so much."

David- "I missed you too, I wish you would have been able to come with, but I'm glad you're here now."

You lean in and give him another passionate kiss. His lips so wet and soft, you really did miss him so much, but you're still thinking about what he said in his show. You start thinking about when would be the right time to bring it up.

Hours go by, you are all watching random stuff on TV while you lay on the cloud couch. You and David cuddling, Nat, on the other side eating mac and cheese, Jason making some joke about how much of a dork the guy on TV looks like. You really want to ask about the podcast, so you say fuck it.

Y/N- "So I was listening to the old podcasts..."

David backs up a little bit to get a better look at you.

David- " Yeah?" Waiting for you to elaborate

Y/N- "You think masturbation is better than sex?"

Jason cackles in laughter. Natalie stops eating and looks up and giggles.

Natalie- "Oooh David... you're screwed now." she says as she laughs

David smiles as his face gets red.

David- "Well... I said all that before we were together. I dont know... yeah, I- I think like- it can be better. Sometimes- I dont know."

David stumbles over his words, you know hes trying to make a point without hurting your feelings. You blush at the thought of David trying to be nice to you, but still hold his opinion as his own. Suddenly you're not as upset as you once were, but you get a good idea instead.

Y/N- "I think I'm gonna have to change your mind then." You smile

Jason- "Awww shit, Dave... looks like you're gonna be a lucky man tonight."

Everyone laughs

You shuffle yourself out of David's grip, standing up to move over near Natalie.

Y/N- "Well.... actually... No." You start to grin

David- "Come on Y/N, dont be upset."

Y/N- "Oh, I'm not upset. But I promise you, you're about to be."

The room goes silent, waiting for you to speak again, David's face looking very confused, not sure how to respond.

David- "Why'd you move away from me then?"

Y/N- "Cause I'm going to change your mind. For the next week, You are not allowed to touch me, unless I say so."

David's eyes widen

You lean in close, wrapping your grip around David's neck.

Y/N- "And if you touch me without permission, you will go longer and longer without my body, do you understand"

Jason and Natalie start dieing laughing, David almost loses his breath, instantly being turned on. David has always been the dominant one, this is something you both have not played with before. The sudden shift in control changes everything in that one moment. The power you feel over David, with holding your pussy from him. Suddenly, hes small beneath you, yours. In your hands, your toy, his Dom. For once, David being the Submissive.

5 days later:

Things have gotten pretty intense around the house. David tried talking you out of it a bunch of times, apologizing, but he was always a good boy. Not taking his chances on missing out on you. Always gets within arms reach, but never reaches. It's almost like he doesnt want the game to end. You can tell he likes feeling weak and helpless, not in control.

You've done little things here and there to make him whimper in desires, making him wanting you. Walking around the house in a thong and tight tshirt with no bra, skimpy dresses when u go out, making sure you bend down right in front of his face when you need to pick something off the coffee table, eating ice cream and popsicles seductively.

You're both sitting on the couch away from each other, you keep noticing David glancing over at you, missing you, missing your touch. You know you miss his as well, But you're having too much fun torturing him, making him your slave, following your rules. It was so exciting, even for David. You start to have another idea, hoping with what you have planned, it will push him over the edge.

Y/N- "I'm going to go take a bath."

David innocently looks up from his phone

David- "Okay, have fun."

You go straight to his bathroom, getting the tub ready, making sure it was filled with soap so it would be filled with bubbles. You tie your hair up so it doesnt become wet, taking off your shirt and your shorts, then your bra and underwear. You step in and instantly become relaxed. You lay back and enjoy yourself for a while. Playing with the bubbles once in a while, washing your face, pampering yourself.

Soon, you decide it was time.

Y/N- "Daaavid!" You shout, wanting him to come into the bathroom.

He walks in and smiles

David- "What's up?"

Y/N- "Can you help me out, I dont want to slip."

David becomes surprised, since this was the first time in days you asked him to touch you.

David- "Y-yeah... O-okayy"

He reaches out a hand, waiting for you to do the same. You wait a moment, until he locks eyes with you, you slowly stand up, letting the bubbles fall slowly down your wet naked body, falling down your tits perfectly, some soap staying stuck to your stomach, and legs, a goddess. You reach out an arm.

Y/N- "You can only touch my hand, NOTHING else, Do you understand?"

David drops to his knees, his face becomes pained.

David- "Oh my God, baby. I need you so badly, please. I'm so sorry, FUCK."

Y/N- "Touch me anywhere else and you will fucking regret it. Do you understand." You say with a smile

David's head drops.

David- "Y/N I said I'm so sorry, I promise I will ne-"

You cut him off.

Y/N- "Quite!" You yell

David instantly becomes silent. He really has mastered the art of being a slave.

Y/N- "No more whining, or I will give you something to whine about. And my name is not Y/N to you, its Mistress. Do you understand?"

David- "Y-yes.... I'm sorry"

Y/N- "Sorry what!?"

David smiles.

David- "I'm sorry.... Mistress."

He stands back up and extends his hand. You grab it and slowly step out, letting water drip on the floor, your eyes locked in together again, You decide to play with him a little more

Y/N- "Dont look at me until I tell you to."

David's face drops in seconds, and admires your body, aching for it. At this point he knows not to take any chances by prolonging his suffering, so he listens to every command like a good boy.

You take your towel, and try to dry off, David standing there looking at your body and at the floor. He doesnt even know what to do with himself anymore, hes like a child, waiting for direction.

Y/N- "Go sit on the bed."

By command, he turns on his heels and does exactly that. You hear him in the other room, shifting himself into his side of the bed. You put on your bra and underwear, leaving your clothes on the floor. You said you were going to make him suffer for a week, but at this moment, it feels right to reward him.

You walk into the bedroom, David looks up for a moment, but quickly looks back down to the floor. You walk towards him, your body inches from him

Y/N- "I think you've been a good boy, I think you deserve an award, dont you?"

David looks up at you and in your eyes, smiling, he reaches out and grabs your waist. You slap him across his cheek, wrapping your hand around his throat and pushing his back down on the bed.

Y/N- "Did I fucking say you could touch me, or look at me?"

David loses his breath once more

David- "N-no, No I'm sorry."

Y/N- "SORRY WHAT?"

David- "I'm sorry Mistress." He says as he closes his eyes and puts his hands over his head. You grin

Y/N- "look at me."

David does as hes told.

Y/N- "I'm not about to give you what you want, I'm going to give you what you need, do you understand?"

David- "Yes, Mistress"

You're straddling his lap with your hand around his throat. Your words echo straight to his dick, you can feel his hard cock trying to break free. You get up off him, he doesnt move a muscle, frozen, afraid of making the wrong move, he looks up at the ceiling, powerless. You start to un button his pants, and pull down his boxers, seeing his throbbing dick break free from the torture that is his clothing.

Y/N- "This is mine. This is for my enjoyment, do you understand?"

David- "Yes, Mistress, my cock is yours"

Pleased with his progress, you reward him by taking his size into your hand and into your mouth. David let's out a moan.

Y/N- "Do you like that, slave?" You say with a smile

David- "Y-yes, Mistress."

You start pumping him, faster and faster, you feel his cock twitching.

Y/N- "You better not fucking cum."

David- "Yes, Mistress"

You've never seen him like this, pained with pleasure, scared to react. The thought of any moment, you could get up and leave him there terrified his desires. He was aching for affection from you, he would do anything for you to please him, or for him to please you.

Y/N- "You're a good boy, arent you?"

David- "Yes Mistress, I'm a good boy, Mistress."

You continue to pump his dick, and torture it with your mouth. You started to be come aroused as well. You stop, and stand up.

Y/N- "Get up on the bed, all the way."

David follows his commands, sliding his way up, rest his head on his pillows near the head board, still looking up at the ceiling. You take off your underwear, and climb up onto the bed. You take off his tshirt, then straddle yourself onto David's lap, hovering over his wet, warm, throbbing dick.

Y/N- "Look at me."

David looks down at you with his beautiful brown eyes.

Y/N- "Do you want my pussy on your cock, slave" you say smiling

David smiles back

David- "Yes, Mistress"

Without hesitation, you drop down, letting his dick fill you up, you didnt even need to prepare for it, all this excitement has you dripping wet already. You put your hands on his chest and start to slowly bounce.

Y/N- "You have permission to touch me."

David swiftly grabs your waist, hard. The way it felt was like a weight was lifted from him, finally being able to get what he wanted.

You start to bounce faster, his hands keeping you steady, you take one of your hands off his chest and wrap it around his throat once more, your finger tips gripping tighter, enough so he could still breath. His eyes roll in the back of his head in pressure.

Y/N- "Are you feeling pleased, slave?"

David moans- "Yes... Mistress..."

You keep bouncing, faster and faster till you can feel yourself orgasming. You tilt your head back and ride out your high. Moments later, you feel his dick twitch inside you.

Y/N- "Tell me when you're about to come."

David- "Yes Mistress, I'm about to come Mistress."

You hop off of him, wrapping your hands and mouth around his cock so his load could fall down your throat. David moans as he finally gets the release hes been working so hard to get.

You lay down next to him. Both of you breathing heavily. Laying there in silence until you catch your breaths. David turns on his side to get a better look at you.

David- "I think I'm inlove with what just happened. I didnt know being so powerless felt so powerful. I think I'm gonna have to piss you off more often." he laughs

Y/N- "If that's how you feel, I'm really going to make you pay."

David- "Please make me pay, baby." he laughs

You reach over and wrap your fist around David's neck again.

Y/N- "Please make me pay, WHO?"

David smiles- "Make me pay..... Mistress."

#david dobrik #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik fanfiction smut #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik vlogs #david dobrik x reader #fanfic #sub!david

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figuringouthowtobehere · 4 years ago

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please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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