#cause I don’t know how to internet
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Here, have a shittly edited LU meme
#IM SORRY#it wouldn’t leave my head#Lu#linkeduniverse#linked universe#credits to the linked universe au for comics and concepts#apologies to my followers who had no idea I’m obsessed with jojo’s art and au#I need someone to be like the you’re doing great sweetie meme with me#cause I don’t know how to internet#or meme#and I have anxiety#anyways I found this idea ridiculously funny and cackled my head off while making it#if you like LU you KNOW
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I know I’m late to the party but Oh My God™️
#uni talks about the universe#hbomberguy#james somerton#I’ve been watching the video in increments#so everytime I pause and think ‘it can’t get worse’#guess what the fuck happens when I come back#I’ve never watch James somerton but I have seen his videos floating around#but now thank god I haven’t#by the way-no hate to anyone who was fooled by them#how the fuck were you suppose to know that their entire life was a life#anyway I cannot wait for how these people try to clamber their way back#don’t even talk about Blair to me cause holy shit that woman has a lot of skeleton in her closet#I’m pretty sure they all do but I’m mentioning Blair specifically because I was keeping up on the story for her ngl#I do think internet historian is going to come out unscathed#mostly because his fans just doesn’t care#but the rest? not so easy I think#and obviously it’s fucking over for James Somerton#that man is dead. we witness a live execution. and then liked and subscribed
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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”
(Rant in tags)
#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah#but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way#he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod#qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right#after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like#my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit#I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we#get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that#stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my#brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a#reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I’m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period#is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet#it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps#random0lover rambling ♡
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Every time I see an argument about how Alastor is too light skinned while knowing he’s mixed I die a little inside
#y’all#im mixed#im typically paler than these drawings.#Is this somehow probably a horrible thing of me to say and I should go die in a ditch? probably I don’t even care#it’s just that y’all seem to have very strong opinions on his skintone even when it makes fucking sense#like his skin is typically pretty dark in the art Ive seen#idk im just a tad miffed that some people seem to have a weird sense of how mixed people can look#i know i can’t remember say shit cause I look like I haven’t seen sunlight in a long time (it’s been like a year)#so my opinion is completely irrelevant#but hey. the internet is for doing that isn’t it?
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I’ve seen my plushie photos being posted to other sites like, twice now
Scrolling through the MD subreddit and coming across the N brothers and seeing my desk and computer and Pomni plushie in the background was a little surprising
(No shade to Reddit OP btw. If they see this, uh, hello)
#murder drones#I don’t care that much#kinda funny when I see it cause it’s like#holy shit that’s my room#I know how the internet works so I’m not super surprised but still
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lol it’s not getting better it’s getting worse! I am lonely and in pain! teehee!
#it’s seems like the only ppl who would miss me when I’m gone are three or four ppl on the internet that I’ve never met irl!#cause nobody irl seems to think I’m worth having around! heehee!#I am so fucking lonely it hurts!! and internet chat is hard bc I’m so empty inside I don’t know what to say!#you can’t just chill in silence on the internet unless you’re in a video/voice call and I don’t wanna do that!#my own family can’t stand me lol! I don’t know what I did or didn’t do to be treated like this!#if it isn’t loathing it’s outright apathy to me. even ppl I considered close are dropping me. I don’t know what I did and nobody will help!#I cried until my nose bled and I got a migraine yesterday#left a cartoon sized puddle w my tears lmao. was wailing amd hyperventilating and nobody even looked at me.#I wasn’t alone in the house and the walls aren’t that thick I know they heard me. they just didn’t feel like confronting it#I’m more close to killing myself than I have ever been and that’s fucking saying something considering how many times I’ve actually attempte#I really just want this to end. I wish it did t have to be like this bc I don’t necessarily want to die#I want to be there for my cat and I want to experience the world#but the agony in my chest is unbearable.
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yknow those artists who post exclusively original art and yet still have massive followings and consistently get good amounts of notes on all of it. yeah how do they manage that
#preface: this isn’t a complaint or a guilt trip I am just musing#it’s just like. any time I post anything original I do it knowing full well it will get a FRACTION of the attention of anything fanart#and that’s if I’m LUCKY#and like I’ve made my peace with that even though it is really frustrating sometimes#to feel like I HAVE to make fanart to garner any sort of online response whatsoever#but I just. I see other artists manage to get attention on original work and I’m????? tell me your secrets#how do they get people to give a shit. it’s insane. their power#like it’s absolutely well deserved I see some gorgeous shit out there#but I also know that generally speaking people on the internet don’t care unless it’s fandom#so whenever I see something non fandom get popular I’m just fascinated like what is the rhyme or reason#I don’t mean this as a guilt trip btw reblog what you want I don’t care#and I don’t say this to be all WAAAAA REBLOG MY ORIGINAL STUFF#it’s just interesting to me that sometimes people seem to genuinely want to engage with original work#but only in very speciric scenarios and with specific artists#and then the rest of the time it’s like. ‘if it isn’t my blorbos I will not touch it with a ten foot pole’#I want to know what. The logic is. what causes this. why
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2023 reads // twitter thread
This Doesn’t Mean Anything
NA contemporary romance about a sex-repulsed girl starting uni and meeting an upperclassman who hangs out in the same study room and coffeeshop as she does
struggling with her asexuality, new friendships, and harassment
#This Doesn’t Mean Anything#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#well.#I was overall enjoying the first half of this! then it went to shit lol#for one. WAY TOO LONG. but also feels like scenes would be very short then skip to the next day#I liked how the first half of the book was just developing the relationship as a friendship.#there’s a conflict at 50% and they literally are terrible to each other for almost the entire rest of the book#also the conflict of why they can’t get together feels manufacured.#he feels like he (21) is too old for her (18) and while i’m like…yeah I understand that im iffy about it too;#as the reader we know they’re going to get together anyway. so it just feels stupid. and made that way just to cause a conflict. which lasts#too long.#2)#then men are SO overprotective to the point it’s kinda. not creepy exactly but like why the fuck can none of these women go anywhere without#a dude accompanying them? the MMC even. when she tells him to leave her alone (because he rejected her) he’s still being all protective and#and calling her sweetheart like I started to actively dislike him. it’s like. borderline manipulative ‘nice guy’#THEN it threw in a SA at 80% or whatever which. a) can we not SA our ace characters and b) is just not handled well. it feels like an excuse#to make them hurt/comfort and then get together aka end their conflict. which. oof.#3)#‘i was looking up why i dont want sex and i saw the word asexuality but couldn’t find much else maybe the GSA could help’#you can’t use info-not-on-the-internet as a plot excuse when. there is endless info about that on the internet? I don’t think this is set in#2005? also she doesnt even go ask the gsa#while her sex repulsion is a significant part of the book actual references to asexuality are extremely brief and half of it is shoved into#the last chapters. and it’s almost entirely her being self hating and the LI affirming her#anyway I can see the INTENTION is good here; the quality of writing just makes it all bad#like maybe these things are the author's experience and that's fine. the way it's written is uncomfortable.#i can tell all the 5* reviews are people who have never read an ace book before. i promise there is better#i think there’s gonna be a companion sequel about her roommate being aroace which. I don’t have super high hopes for writing-wise but I gues#guess I'm interested
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my job is also paying for photoshop, illustrator, lightroom, and indesign subscriptions for every employee..
why
Edit: never mind it is actually the entire adobe suite? WHY??
#I probably won’t bother with adobe stuff cause I already have photoshop and I am trying to leave this job anyways#sadly no video editor lol#I’m still stuck using vegas 14. can’t even render 2k video lol#so they’re paying for adobe shit. ai shit. what other random subscriptions am I getting that I don’t know about??#I mean idk how the liscensing for this stuff is when it’s for thousands of employees#but surely it would be cheaper to only give it to the people who’d need it right#probably only like 100 employees at most would need it#edit: I hate this fuckin job but this is actually kind of good wtf.. kind of stupid that they don’t even mention it#I only found out because the stupid ass adobe creative cloud popped up#and I’m like. wait wtf I have more than just acrobat?#well. idk I might mess around with substance and premiere#but when I leave this job I’ll lose access obviously#idk.#it seems kind of tedious to pirate adobe stuff nowadays#the main 2 sources seems to be some guy who sometimes puts malware in it#and the other option is to download from adobe and then patch it and never allow it to access the internet ever again lmao#but even then I see people randomly lose access
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The hypocritical dichotomy of “I have the right to separate myself from those who have hurt me, I hold no obligation to them or to the connections we once had” and “I will hold the people who have hurt me personally accountable for the pain they have caused me and prioritize myself above their feelings” is the kind of thing that makes me want to tear my hair out and start biting people
#this is about ‘going no contact’ with family members in case you couldn’t tell#i understand that the terrible things tend to float to the surface of the internet#and garner the most attention therefore getting the most upvotes and likes and highest priority on the youtube algorithm#but every time i read or hear a story about someone cutting their parents out of their life#i literally don’t know how to respond#like on the one hand yes its importnat to keep yourself safe#and if you are in an unsafe situation you should 100% remove yourself#but don’t act like you’re not also causing damage#if you’re upset with your parent/s for causing you damage by prioritizing their feelings/needs/wants/etc over yours#then doing the same thing to them isn’t actually fixing anything#and while it does carry with it a kind of poetic justice#you are in a lot of ways continuing an unhealthy behavior pattern that’s only taken on a new face#idk man#i just#do you ever lie awake at night considering your inherent hypocrisy?#do you ever wonder what kind of impact this is going to have on not only your personal future but that of those around you?#my mom still talks to her horrendous siblings and while I genuinely wouldn’t blame her for stopping because htey’re actively harmful#I also can get behind the personal honor and maintaining your own values in keeping up connections because you value the person#even when they continue to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves#actively saying ‘you are more important to me than the hurt that you continue to cause me’ takes a lot of guts#and i know if my siblibngs and i became their targets then things would change#but the fact that she’s willing to continue to take it from them as they continue to target her?#infintely admirable imo
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Bbug
#hello here r some doodles I did#kinda stemmed from the that plus the line Hetch says abt the Showfall goons#‘my best guess is that they were once people but something moved in and kinda repurposed them’#and ALSO the later scene where Ranboo stabs a guy and wires fall out#they r like… mini versions of the Wire Monsters / Security#or what becomes? wire monsters / security?#idk what I’m thinking yet#I mean I have ideas I just don’t know which to choose#also some slight influence from Halo with the Huragoks/Engineers#biological supercomputers#no idea how the company got these little guys but hey funky#they use analog tech as shells like hermit crabs :]#maybe not entirely malicious at the start?#probably feed off of electrical impulses#attach to the brain cause oo yummy electric meat bag and bam . programmable ‘person’#and their bodies are made out of clumps of wire and a weird tar like material#my original post got deleted bc internet issues im so mad HSDHDB#but yeah I’m trying to figure out what to call them#cause I like calling the wire monsters / security Taskmanagers#and these are smaller guys so… smaller? computer term?#Bytes? Tabs?#smth like that#anyways if u read this far ! cool thank u for listening to me ramble#I like making little guys a lot#nebula rambles#genloss#generation loss#do I tag this as spoilers?
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If the WOT books are teaching me anything about myself, it’s that I *despise* a Fated Romance storyline. The nonconsensual vibes in the female characters’ POV chapters are just really not it for me.
I can’t decide if I want this to pay off in some way later so that it has to be part of the story and I just have to live with it, or if it being that important to the final story will make it worse…
#I’m hopeful that this will not translate well to screen so the show will tone it down if they do it at all#I don’t know how central it has to be to the resolution of the story that they have to include it#praying if they do it can only be one person and I don’t have to suffer through it multiple times#because getting this from multiple perspectives now is causing me excessive agitation#all just my opinions obviously!#I’m sure some fans love it and I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum#just processing these books as I read them on god’s green internet lol#wheel of time#wot book spoilers#dril reads wot
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literally all of my relationships are completely destroyed and i’m just like fine with it
#i mean im not a saint and i regret a lot of my own decisions but fuck them so hard#one constantly talked down to me and lied to my face another literally tried to steal my shit and another spilled so many secrets of mine#behind my back#and the one friend i have left literally told my family that i was being emotionally abused by my ex#and i didnt know until after we broke up and i don’t know how to feel about it cause like shes kinda right lmfao but thats not their busines#unless it is. i dont know.#so i’m just completely alone. and i’m not even lonely at least for the vast majority of the time#but i dont know how or where to make friends even if i wanted to#and for some reason i think its harder for me to make friends via the internet than in person#personal#mine
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Random post: “reblog if you *thing I agree with”
My brain: if you reblog this you’re a virtue sighing whore who just wants internet clout. If you don’t reblog this you’re a heartless monster who should be shot in the street. Kys
Me: wtf
#originally I had this big long post explaining my complex feelings about posts like these#cause they do cause me a not constructive or reasonable amount of stress#but I’m very much aware that my reaction to them is not normal and very much colored by my ocd#the person who made it and the people who rebloged it probably did not intend for me to be reacting this way#there isn’t any malicious intent. most people don’t want or expect stranger on the internet to have panic attacks over tumblr posts#I don’t blame anyone for making or rebloging them.#I also don’t know if it’s even right for me to ask people not too? it’s not they’re responsibility to cater to my weird needs#so I just block and filter as much stuff as I can to try and avoid it#cause if I didn’t my entire blog would be them and I’d have to delete tumblr cause it would be actively detrimental to my mental health#but every once in a while one sneaks through. cause people will censor words or not tag stuff#or make posts that don’t follow the standard format#so I’ll see if and probably reblog it cause I don’t want to deal with the overwhelming guilt and subsequent panic attack#(this is not a good thing and will only make stuff worse btw)#and it’ll suck#but I don’t think it’s fair to hold a stranger responsible for that#but it still sucks#and I don’t know what to do about or how to feel about them#okay so the whole post ended up in the tags anyways sorry#there’s no conclusion or lesson to this I’m just ruminating#which is also not good sooo#moral ocd#ocd#actually ocd#vent#ramble#kind of both I guess?#might delete this later#if I remember
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I hope there will be a day when someone says something nice to/about me and I can actually fully believe them.
If y’all decide to have kids, please don’t emotionally neglect and abuse them.
#literally can’t take compliments#my best friend just said the sweetest thing I’ve ever read and I don’t know what to do with it#I cried over it cause I love her and what she said but I legit have no clue what to say#and I know she 1000000% means it but I can’t truly believe and accept that#like my brains like ‘awe it’s nice to think of someone like that’ but can’t accept that I am that someone#like even those asks that people just copy and paste to like ‘ten favorite followers’ or ‘someone you think is lovely’#those make me so emotional cause it’s like… me????#but my brain just won’t put it together that yes it is me and yes they’re genuine with what they’re saying#fuck emotionally neglectful and abusive parents#like how am I supposed to believe anything nice someone says to me#when I can remember clear as day the moment my father told me he wouldn’t care if I died#that was over ten years ago and it still fucks me up to this day#I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this rn#okay I shared too much on the internet!!#gonna go play animal crossing and try to forget about this!!#tw abuse#abuse tw#trigger warning#tw#sav speaks
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I saw a post and it and (mostly) its comment section annoyed me and now I shall vague about it, sorry
#it’s just. people being ignorant of topics is not always malice#sometimes it is privilege#but sometimes it’s not even that#‘all cis people’ aren’t trying to smugly squash trans voices#just because they don’t know some of the conversations that are happening around gender#in corners of the internet they likely don’t have much cause to frequent#for goodness sake#these topics are complicated and nuances and not universal even among trans people#like. it annoys me when people talk confidently about things they don’t know much about#but perhaps that’s simply annoying and not. you know. malice!#because a true understanding of a lot of things like this requires dedicated time and interest#months or years of research and study#or experience#people don’t have time to do that for everything in the world#that’s okay! like I do think a basic understanding of diverse experiences is important#but ultimately people are likely to have. deep understanding of topics which impact their lives#and a handful of others which they have an interest in learning about#mate we’re fighting for our basic rights here I know people who think being trans is called being bi#cis people not knowing the nuances of how trans people relate to their genders and agabs isn’t even—#not all things have to be accusatory (I shout accusatorily)
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