#cas and john

[angelsdean]

Once again thinking abt how much Dean does not want or need Cas to beat up his father. And how much Cas understands that and respects Dean’s complicated feels re: John and how dean still holds love and affection for his father while still being able to be critical of him and his choices. How Cas would never overstep those feelings to make some grand knight-in-shining-armor show of retroactively getting “justice” for Dean or “protecting” Dean should Cas ever meet John.

When Cas says in the cut scene from 14x14 “your father was a complicated man” he means it. He’s not grasping for the only nice thing he can think to say. I think Cas fully recognizes how fucked up the whole “hitchhiker routine” thing is, I think he also understands that Dean does not want or need to hear in that moment stuff like “I’d kill your father” or even “I hate him for what he did / made you do.” Even if Cas feels that way, I think he understands that it wouldn’t be the productive thing to say. Maybe some other time, maybe when they’re alone and not actively on a case posing as FEDs. Maybe when Dean is in a space where he can actually have that vulnerable conversation with Cas and unpack those feelings, where he can talk abt how yea a lot of things were fucked up abt his childhood. But for now Cas can acknowledge what he already knows abt Dean’s feelings toward John, they’re complicated. Dean holds both love and hate for him. John was a complicated man. Dean doesn’t need Cas to spit fire at John. He doesn’t need Cas to promise to kill him. He doesn’t want that, either.

If John were to come back, if Cas had met him in Lebanon, adult Dean can hold his own. 40 yr old dean is not seeking John’s approval or afraid of him. In Lebanon dean immediately tells john about Cas and jack, he’s not hiding them. And by the end he underlines and makes clear just what they mean to him, they’re his family. Specifically they’re his version of the family John expected Dean to have, a spouse and kids. So, 40 yr old Dean isn’t afraid of his dad. He isn’t hiding. He’s at peace and proud of who he is and what he has. Cas would stand by him with quiet support. (And maybe some squinty glares should John have anything unkind to say toward Dean about anything).

Beating up John wouldn’t be a comfort to Dean. It wouldn't really heal any wounds. It’s unnecessary drama. Dean's made his peace with his father, he's moved on. Unless John was actively hurting dean and Dean couldn’t handle the fight himself, Cas isn’t throwing punches on Dean’s behalf.

[shallowseeker]

JOHN ROWENA FIGHT?!!!!

You see? Yes!!!! Specifically, I want her to make him cry.

////

Ref to John versus later-seasons characters:

John is butting heads with Rowena:

Because it would amuse me personally if she were able to make him cry. Also, no one would stop her. That's just Rowena's way. She gets away with things like this.

On a serious note, Rowena is shifting much of self-hatred of her Past Self onto John, and it’s delicious. All of her failures as a parent can now be safely expressed, and she’s petty enough to indulge (because John is a dick and he *reacts* like one of those kindergarten volcanoes)

John likes to stir shit up? Well, he can’t out-shit-stir Rowena MacLeod. No siree.

RE: The potential of a John & Cas fight

It's not that I think he wouldn't fight with Cas. I just think Cas, at least in later seasons, might be relatively disciplined and composed in the face of John Winchester's anger. (I think a bit about how Cas is pretty successful in gray-rocking Lucifer, for example.)

Also, Cas's background as a soldier means John might even suck up to Cas in some respects.

//

But I think there's a strong element of it arising from a situational issue... John pushes people away (at least part of the reason for so many falling out situations later in life), but he seems particularly triggered and afraid when people leave. (Or lie. Or underprepare him. Or treat him like a damsel/child.)

In the fight with Sam in Dead Man's Blood, John is totally freaking out because he’s paranoid/afraid of everything being too much to handle and not being able to protect everyone, but also he prominently screams at Sam:

JOHN: “You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam. (Yelling in SAM’S face) You walked away!”

//

I think it’d be so cool if through Plot Reasons, it’s when Cas left and came *back* that John got triggered.

Maybe after Cas does one of his abrupt, unannounced departures that has Dean frantically checking the phone. And John gets Weird(TM) about it because it gets all tied up with John’s unresolved feelings about Henry leaving.

It's about the whiplash, about how someone who's been up now unreliable and unshakeable suddenly leaves out of the blue. John could come unglued. Also. Like Sam, I think John wouldn't like a dose of his own medicine very much...

Imagine if we carry it further: Imagine transference. Imagine John getting mad at Cas on Dean’s behalf. Like, Dean would be struck silent, and very very confused.

JOHN: “DEAN NEEDS YOU HERE!” etc etc. The delicious hypocrisy!

And just... it’d be such a delicious mess! Not to mention, it could echo Dean getting mad at Henry on John’s behalf in As Time Goes By:

DEAN: “He thought you ran out on him! Your responsibility was to your family, not some glorified book club!”

//

Other thoughts:

Cas is, on the whole, I think more composed than John, and much more barbed when he wants to make a point, maybe.

If Cas ever lost his temper with John, I can easily see it being over Jack’s safety. And Cas would say something low and angry, meant only for John's ears, like, “If something happens to Jack because of YOUR stupidity, I will tear you limb from limb.”

Then we’d get a long shot of John after the fact, staring after Cas in an impressed way, thinking, “Hell yeah. This guy would tear me limb from limb over his kid and I am so approving of that attitude.”

///

Otherwise, I think they’re the type to fight about specific things, like disagreeing on strategy.

Anyway, I just love when everything is discordant and confusing. <3

[mickeys-been-staying-at-ians]

So Dean is fucked up after Cas is taken into the Empty obviously, all melancholy, no sleep, drinking too much, you know his gist. Sam probably tries to get him to talk about it, but he would never tell him everything Cas said, you know. So Dean is miserable, and Sam is miserable, but THEY DON'T STOP trying to get Cas back.

And they do, somehow. So Cas appears somewhere in the library or wherever they were Doing What Brought Him Back and there's a second of confused, vulnerable silence because this can't be real don't believe it's real he's gonna disappear and it's gonna suck all over again but he stays, and looks at Dean, and then Dean is hugging him, clutching him like... well, like everything that happened, happened, and they're breathing each other in. Cas hasn't had the chance to think about what it all means, yet, so he's not overthinking it. Then they break apart, and Dean has tears in his eyes and his lower lip is shaking, and while Sam hugs Cas, too, Dean's body is like, shutting down, months of exhaustion (physical and emotional) catching up to him, and he feels it coming, so when Sam gets Cas to sit down, making him drink some water, Dean's like "I'm just gonna-" and he's running into his room and he doesn't even make it inside before he starts sobbing. He's sitting against his bed, his face in his hands, all wet now, when Sam comes in. Maybe he knocked, maybe not, Dean couldn't hear him. And he tries to cover himself a little, but Sam sees anyway, and he's so tired, so he just. Doesn't care.

And Sam says, "Dean, don't hide from him" and Dean isn't sobbing anymore but he's still crying into his palms, saying "I'm so tired, Sammy" and Sam knows. He doesn't know what happened between Dean and Cas but Cas said he did something and now Dean wouldn't feel comfortable around him. So, you know. Sam can guess, a little.

So he says, "He thinks you don't want anything to do with him anymore" and "you should go talk to him" and Dean is like "I can't" and he doesn't know why, maybe because he's exhausted, or because he doesn't know what to say to him , or because Cas sacrifised himself for him again, or because he told him he loved him and turned Dean's world upside down and disappeared, or maybe because he's scared.

And Sam knows this is all happening in Dean's head and he knows some of it is whispered to him in their dad's voice, so he says, "you know nothing in the world would ever change how I think of you," and Dean's head snaps towards him, wet with bloodshot eyes, confused and terrified, but he doesn't say anything, so Sam asks, "what really happened down there?" and Dean knows Sam knows. There's a hand squeezing his heart and lungs and he can't breathe, and Sam knows, and Dean wishes he could go back to when it wasn't even an option.

"He's your best friend," Sam says, and he is, he is, he's Dean's best friend, above all else, it's not just sacrifises and battles and blood and desperate confessions, it's also movies and music and inside jokes, so Dean asks Sam to get Cas. He does, and leaves them in Dean's room alone. And Dean says "don't ever die for me again" and "you think you saved me but i was barely alive" and "next time we die together" which is maybe a little fucked up, but he's feeling so raw. He says, "you're my best friend" and looks at Cas, hoping Cas hears everything he isn't saying, how Cas is the most important person in all the universes to Dean. He's family, but he doesn't say that, doesn't want Cas to think he's family like anyone else, because Cas is more. To Dean, Cas is- something Dean won't say yet, but he is.

And they have a quiet dinner with Sam because they're all tired, and Cas showers while they turn on the TV and bring out a couple of beers, and they act like it's a normal day in their life. Dean's head keeps falling and his eyes keep closing, his temples aching, but he stays, and at some point Sam goes to sleep, and when they're alone Cas tries to get Dean to go, too, but he keeps coming up with lame excuses to stay and Cas doesn't know what to make of it until he thinks maybe Dean doesn't want to be alone, or even - maybe Dean doesn't want to leave Cas alone, maybe he's scared something will happen to him again, or maybe he wants to just - be with Cas longer. And Cas is completely out of his element, because why would Dean- But it doesn't matter. His priority has always been Dean's well-being, so if there's any chance Dean is pushing himself because of - some of that, Cas will step up.

So he asks Dean if he can sleep in Dean's room tonight because he doesn't want to be alone. And there's a blaring red light going off in Dean head, screaming he knows he knows he knows Dean wants him to... what? Dean doesn't even know. Cas is asking as if for himself, for Dean's benefit, and Dean. God. Dean loves him, doesn't he? He's always loved him, but he loves him like... like... but he doesn't think it, still. He feels too open, now, and he wants to lock himself in his room and sleep it off and drink and stop feeling so vulnerable, he thinks he must be an open book to everyone, to Cas especially, and god, could people always tell? Can Cas tell, now? But why does it matter? Cas told him- he told him-

But none of it matters, because Cas is here, and he's offereing Dean an easy way out, and Dean is a weak, weak man, and he's exhausted and all he wants is to breathe Cas' air and know he's here, and not going anywhere.

So Dean puts on an old T-shirt and gets out of his jeans like he always does before realizing Cas is here. He flushes all over, sits down on his bed because he didn't think about how this was gonna go. Cas glances at the desk as if he was gonna sit in his chair the whole night, and Dean doesn't actually know if Cas sleeps now or doesn't, which he maybe should've thought of before, but before he can say anything, Cas says, "Dean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable" and Dean, completely lost, says the first thing that comes to his mind, which is, "can you lie down with me?" which is not exactly how he was gonna tell Cas he's the opposite of uncomfortable with him, but it does the trick. He makes Cas get out of his dress pants and gives him a T-shirt to sleep in, too, and flushes even more when he realizes what Cas is wearing. Dean lies down when Cas steps towards the bed, faces the wall because he doesn't know what to do with himself. They lie in silence for an awkward moment before Cas says, "are we okay?" and Dean says, "of course we are" and Dean knows Cas is still overthinking it, and he is, too, but... Cas took the leap, and he must feel so uncertain about them, and Dean thinks he owes him something, at least. Cas told him he loved him. Nothing felt right since then, because Cas died and because Cas thought he could never have what he wanted and because Cas thought he wasn't the most important person in Dean's life with Sammy, whatever that meant, and because Dean had to come to terms with that reality, a reality where Cas loves him, has loved him, him, Dean, broken and all. A man. A man Cas thought beautiful, and loving, and- and Dean has many issues, but Cas was never one of them, and Cas deserves to feel certain about his place in Dean's life.

So Dean asks Cas to come closer, and there's a still moment before Cas does, still too far away from Dean, and Dean can't see him, can't make himself turn because his heart is beating so loud he thinks if he looks at Cas, it's gonna beat out of his chest. So he reaches behind himself, finds Cas' hand and brings it forward, keeps it between his hands and brings them to his face. Breathes Cas in. "Please don't leave again" he says, in that tone he used when he prayed to Cas. He feels Cas shift, finally, as if he lost some of the tension from his body, feels the bed dip behind him, and he doesn't know how Cas moves but then Dean's back is pressed against Cas' front, and despite his beating heart, Dean is feeling the exhaustion start to take him. "Cas, I..." he tries, but he can't think anymore, can't make sense of anything.

"You can fall asleep, Dean," Cas says, his words warm in Dean's hair and the last thing he hears before sleep takes him is "I will be here when you wake up."

So when Dean wakes up, it's to a heavy arm around his chest and slow breaths against the back of his head. There's no moment of confusion about who he's with, or why. He doesn't even get a second to consider if it was real before Cas says "good morning, Dean" and Dean wonders if Cas slept at all. If he needs to sleep, now. There's so much they need to talk about, all three of them.

"Cas," he tries again, remembereing his attempt from last night. He needs Cas to know, for sure. "Cas, I - what you said. You know I. I've never..." and Cas is like "I know, Dean" but he sounds a little confused, so Dean doensn't know what Cas thinks he knows. So he turns, takes a second to notice how close they are now, and he thinks about Cas' eyes, his lips. Thinks, soon.

"You have to know," he says, as if Cas didn't say anything. "You have to know how I - what I" and he can't get the words out, not sure if it would be easier if there were no words to get out or if there were no voices in his head screaming over them. So he breathes in, Cas' scent overtaking his senses, brings his palm to Cas' face. Closes his eyes. Thinks, soon. Thinks, now, and meets Cas halfway.

[mikonez]

Joe Bowler jarthur redraw be upon ye!!! based on this!

some other versions because i literally cannot make a decision

[moookar]

[scoobydoodean]

Sorry but this is also part of why fantasies of Cas meeting John Winchester and trying to beat him up simply do not work for me. I simply do not think that would happen, because for Cas to actually understand the complications of Dean and John's relationship, he'd have to be able to look in the mirror and see himself mirroring the man. Cas isn't the guy who beats up John. He's the guy that admires John's handwriting.

Sorry to people who want Dean to be thee John parallel so sooo bad but the truth is that they are all John parallels in specific ways (and that isn't the end of the world). That said, when it specifically comes to "not stepping up" as some like to call it—otherwise known as abandoning your family/leaving other people in charge of your kids so you can go be by yourself all alone/ not answering the phone to let the people who love you know that you are safe, the person mirroring John quite closely is Cas.

[from-a-spiders-web]

I have hidden inside a sea shell but forgotten in which. Now daily I dive, filtering the sea through my fingers, to find myself… “The Sea Shell” by Marin Sorescu 

[soft-pine]

so much supernatural discourse boils down to claiming a thing we actually see dean do on the show is something he would not do, claiming a thing we see dean specifically not do on the show is something he would do, claiming something all the main characters do is something dean alone is doing, or claiming something sam does on the show is something dean did.

and im so confused. because the answer is comically simple and it's a thing we all allegedly love doing and that is... watching supernatural?

[calibrationneeded]

“History Doesn't Repeat Itself, but It Often Rhymes”

Mark Twain

[transthatmasc]

There is not a SINGLE thing I love more than Cas offering threatening to kill John Winchester. Cas would smite anything that tried to hurt Dean and he would be BEYOND pissed that someone Dean trusts as much as his father treats him like that. It is my favorite fucking thing. I implore people to make up stupid reasons in your fic for John Winchester and Castiel to be in the same room to make sure that Cas gets to fucking deck him.

The SPN writers were cowards when they made it so that John and Cas weren’t in the same room together during Lebanon because you better fucking believe that would have been the end for John in all timelines.

[venbysstuff]

The fact that John Winchester (100% a homophobe) had to kiss a male demon to save his son who ended up being down bad for an angel that looks like a tax accountant is crazy.

Edit:GUYS I MENT HE LOOKED LIKE A TAX ACCOUNTANT NOT TAX ACCOUNT 🥲

[dirigibleplumbing]

4 years later.

[shallowseeker]

The problem, anon, is that while I love Cas to pieces, and he is more often than not my absolute favorite, I am not an expert Cas guy. And I might have to find a Cas guy to answer your question. 💔

[littleguy-pi]

Redraw of a screen cap I like :)

Trans mascs when you open a bag of sour gummy worms:

[wistfulpoltergeist]

Meet Mary Morstan (ex Watson). John's Ex wife who's done having toxic relationships with traumatized alcoholics. And we're all very proud of her! Because, Mary deserves happiness. (And so do you, John)

[phocusnik]

i wish it was real lol