#carmy says what Claire wants to hear

[unladyboss]

A REMINDER ABOUT CARMY. SEASON 3 THE BEAR

Carmy knows his own mind. He was emphatic for the longest time that Claire was NOT his girlfriend.

It irritated him when Sydney inferred that she was his gf

Only when SYDNEY told him he needed to decide, was when he considered OTHERWISE.

Carmy can manipulate to get a desired outcome

He must have learned that growing up

But most importantly Carmy says what he thinks Claire wants to hear.

So if she asks is everything ok and he says yes, we can assume that everything is not ok

So in future I'm gonna watch the kinds of things Carmy says to Claire ( even some of the things he does) that illicits a smile from her. Most likely they're not true.

So he's gone from doing it with DONNA to doing it with Claire

[thebearer]

i'll make you so sure about it |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: a run in with "claire-bear" leaves you bristled with jealousy. carmen assures you there's no need to be.

contains: minors dni 18+. mean-ish reader (she's jealous), dom/sub dynamics, dom!carmen, kinda brat tamer!carmen too, language, mentions to past relationships, fingering (fem rec), p in v sex, aftercare.

“What else is on the list?” Carmen pushed the cart through the aisles of the grocery store, tossing the figs into the basket. 

“Black garlic.” You marked through the scratchy handwriting that belonged to Carmen, pen tapping on the small notepad. “Never heard of black garlic.” 

“Really?” Carmen hummed in amusement, a tiny smile that was soft but warm- just for you. “You’ve had it before.” 

“Have I?” You lifted a brow. “You’ve been sneaking things in my food, hm?” 

“Tryna expand your palette, babe.” Carmen scoffed, pulling you in by your waist into him. 

You laughed, looking down at your list, squirming when his fingers ghosted over your sides. “Oh, shoot, I forgot we need detergent.” You hiss, looking at the bottle of Tide in the cart beside you. “I’m gonna go grab that, and you get the rest on the list?” 

Carmen nodded, taking the pad and pen out of your hand. “I got it. I’ll be over here, alright?” He nods towards the produce. 

You head in the opposite direction, spilling off in the frozen aisles to head back towards the cleaning section, snatching the detergent off the shelf. You’d have to run by the little apothecary shop down on Main to get more of the scent boosters you liked- that Carmen liked. He liked how your sheets always smelled when you first started dating, soft and clean and sweet somehow? Fuck, he wasn’t even sure how, but when you moved in with him, that smell lingered into his clothes, his sheet. He’d catch whiffs during the day at work, a calming breeze that grounded him, kept his mind rushing back to you. 

You scanned the produce section, finding the familiar head of curls tucked under a Bears hat. You had bought him that hat, a little playful joke since some customers were always asking if the restaurant was named after the team. It infuriated Carmen, annoyed him to no end, but the hat? He rolled his eyes, muttering something about you being “real funny” in a sarcastic tone, but he wore it anyway. It was a nice hat, what can he say?

Carmen was on the end, a grip on his basket that had you a little suspect, until you saw the other basket, parked next to his, a girl leaning towards Carmen. Your heart dropped, a spike of jealousy, hot and blinding shooting through your spine. 

“...You know I meant to stop by the restaurant last week, but I was so busy with rounds. You were closed by the time I got off.” The girl bragged, loud enough so the ones around her would be impressed. You wanted to scoff, did she not know this was Chicago? 

“Oh, that’s too bad.” You could hear the edge in Carmen’s voice, and not the usual one that accompanied with unprompted social interaction. This was one harder, a strain that had you suspicious at the defensiveness. 

“Hey, Carmy,” You muttered, stepping beside him. He jumped when you did, eyes wide and scared like he’d been caught. “I got the detergent.” You placed it in the basket, trying to avoid the eyes of the girl in front of you. 

“Oh, uh, that’s great. Thank you.” Carmen’s hand found your waist easily, but you didn’t miss the way his hand rubbed on his jeans first, wiping the sweat off. 

“Hi,” The girl said, a tight lipped, forced smile that you knew all too well. “I’m Claire.” 

You gave it back, a snarl and cutting eyes, letting your name slide through your clenched teeth- a threat. “Yeah, uh, Claire and I…we, uh, used to go to school together.” Carmen stuttered.           

“Really? That’s it, Bear?” Claire laughed. Your spine straightened, the primal urge to ram your cart into hers so it sent the handle flying into her stomach because she used your nickname- maybe she’d break a rib. 

Your eyes cut to Carmen’s, lips rolling into a pursed pucker. Carmen flushed, red cheeks that spread to his ears, down to his neck. “Well, I mean, Claire’s real close with my family too.” Carmen offered, looking down at you, his heart dropping when he did. Fuck, you were pissed. 

“Richie and Mikey used to call me Claire Bear all the time.” She laughed, a forced, mean girl-esque laugh. “Used to tease Carmy for always drawing me.” 

“Oh?” You quipped, turning to Carmen with narrowed eyes. “Well, that’s funny. You must’ve been really close to get the Bear nickname too.” You hummed, an edge to your voice that had Carmen’s stomach dropping. He felt like he was going to be sick, under your gaze, hard eyes that questioned and challenged him. 

“Oh, yeah, we were always really close, weren’t we, Carmen?” Claire batted her eyes at him, and for a moment, you had to grip the basket. Stop yourself from slamming her head into the fridge. 

Carmen looked like he might pass out, palms rubbing against his jeans, eyes bouncing from you to her. “Y’know we should catch up sometime, Carmy. I’d love to see Sugar and Richie.” 

“Yeah, I-I’m not sure what they’re-” 

“-You know what.” You snipped, teeth ground tight. “I think I’ll finish shopping, and you two can catch up, alright?” You snatch the list out of Carmen’s hand. “It was so nice to meet you, Claire.” 

Carmen can feel your anger even after you stomp away, whizzing into the next aisle, slinging the basket with so much fury the detergent slides and he cringes as he thinks about the plums that probably got crushed. 

“Uh-oh,” Claire snickers. “Looks like I got you in trouble.” 

“Yeah- I mean, no, she’s just… We have plans later, so I gotta go. Tell your family I said hello.” Carmen nods, barely hearing her reply before he’s chasing you down the aisles. 

“Baby, hey, c’mon-” 

“Don’t.” You hissed, shoving Carmen’s hand off you. “Go back and talk to Claire Bear.” You snarled, voice rising in pitch to mock the name. 

“Don’t do this.” Carmen’s stomach turned, twisting with that familiar twinge of anxiety. His eyes were already darting towards the far end of the store, feeling like he needed to get a bottle of Pepto… maybe two. 

“Do what?” You snapped, huffing at him. “Honestly, Carmen, how would you feel if I ran into one of my old exes and they were talkin’ to me like that, huh?” 

“She’s not an ex-” 

“-Oh? She isn’t?” You deadpanned, glaring at Carmen. He faltered, eyes darting from your gaze just for a moment. “You’re such a fucking liar, Carmen, I’m not stupid.” You huffed, shoving the cart. 

“Hey,” Carmen snapped, heavy hand landing on the cart’s handle to stop it. “Cut it out, alright?” 

That only made you bristle even more, bouts of fury that spiked through your body. You wanted to scream, cause a scene and storm out, leaving him mortified and standing there with everyone staring at him. A few years ago, you would have. 

Instead, you slammed the rest of the list into the seat of the cart. “Give me the keys.” You huffed. 

“What? You can’t-” 

“-I’m going to sit in the fucking car, Carmen. Give me the fucking keys.” You growl, louder this time, turning the head of a passerby. 

Carmen flushed, furiously, shaking hands fishing his keys out of his pocket, dropping them in your hand. “D-Do you need anything else not on the list?” He asked softly, a hope that you might soften at his tone. 

You didn’t reply, turning on your heel instead, stomping out of the sliding doors. Carmen felt his stomach turn, lurching in his throat, heart hammering so hard sweat was forming at his hairline under the hat. He definitely needed that Pepto now. 

“She’s just a friend! A childhood friend, that-that I don’t even talk to!” Carmen huffed, his voice rising. You had been on him, furious and accusing from the moment he got in the car, all the way home, carrying the groceries up the steps of the apartment. 

“That you fucked!” Your voice shrilled loud enough Carmen flinched, knowing the neighbors would hear. “You fucked her!” 

“I-I… like one time!” Carmen stuttered, throwing his hands out in exasperation. He set the detergent with a heavy thud on the counter, glaring at it. It was the detergent’s fucking fault this happend, Carmen thought. He should have just gone with you or gotten the detergent instead- fuck, why did he have to run into Claire out of all people. 

“I knew it!” You smacked your hand against the cabinet. “I fuckin’ knew it! God, you are such a liar, Carmen!” 

“How did I lie? How? Hey, get back here, I’m talkin’ to you!” Carmen had reached his breaking point, beyond irritated and frustrated. 

“Fuck you, Carmen. Just a friend, my fuckin’ ass.” You growled, pushing the door to your bedroom open so quickly it hit the wall, the door stopper buzzing angrily. 

“Can you- Can you just listen to me, please?” Carmen took a grounding breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with clammy, uncomfortable hands. 

“Listen to you what? Listen to you tell me how you’ve known Claire Bear your whole life? And how the two of you have sooo much history together?” You sneer, teeth baring in a sort of growl that made Carmen’s heart spike with anger…maybe fear… maybe both?

“We don’t have… Baby, I-I really don’t fuckin’ know what you want from me here, alright? I don’t like Claire.” Carmen huffed. 

“Anymore.” You muttered, bitterly. 

“Yeah, anymore. I don’t- wait.” Carmen held up his hand, realization washing over him. “Wait a fuckin’ second. Are you- Are you jealous right now?” 

“Shut up, Carmen-” 

“-Oh my God! Holy shit! You’re jealous?” His tone was far too light, nearly mocking, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Why the fuck are you jealous?” 

“Oh, fuck you, Carmen! Like you wouldn’t be jealous if my ex was all over me like that in front of you!” You countered bitterly, satisfied at the way his jaw flexed at the thought. 

“Yeah, but your ex doesn’t have you, I do.” Carmen said, an edge in his voice that had ice shooting down your spine, a tingle spreading between your legs. He took a step forward, so close to you, his eyes were piercing into you, cutting right through your soul. “And Claire or-or anyone else doesn't have me, alright? You fuckin’ got me.” 

You tried to stay strong, keep your facade up for a little longer, not let him know how your knees were buckling under his stare. “Still, Carm,” Your voice was softer now, on the edge of a whine. “‘S not fair you let her talk to you like that in front of me.” 

“What did you want me to do?” Carmen scoffed, his hand finding your hip. “She only talked like that because she knew I was with you. Wanted to get under your skin, and you fuckin’ let her.” 

“I did not-” 

“Oh?” Carmen’s tone lilted, leaving you blushing furiously under his challenging gaze. “That’s why you threw a whole goddam fit? Fuckin’ leavin’ the store? Bitchin’ me out the whole way home?” 

You pouted, huffing at the meanness in his tone. Carmen’s hand caught your jaw, pulling your gaze back to him. “You acted bad, and for what? I don’t want her. I don’t want anyone but you, you know that.” Your cheeks burned with heat, hoping he couldn’t see how flustered he was making you, scolding you like this. Oh, you were fucking throbbing. 

“Even when you’re mean to me like that. You know I only want you. Don’t insult me like that, thinkin’ I’d ever want someone else, you got me?” Carmen snapped. 

“Yes, Carmen.” You muttered, eyes rolling to the floor. 

“Who?” Carmen growled, jerking your chin back to him. 

You blushed, thighs rubbing together. You knew what he wanted, what was coming. “Yes, Daddy.” You muttered, pitch rising in your tone to that light airy voice you used when you played, reserved just for him. 

Carmen hummed satisfied, letting his hand slide down your jaw, fingers curling and tilting your chin upwards towards him. “Why would you think I wanted anyone else, hm?” Carmen rasped, lips brushing over yours but not giving into you yet- teasing you. His free hand slid down your waist, slowly, pinky toying with the edge of your leggings. “You know you’re it for me. Don’t you?” 

“Yes, Daddy.” You hummed, his hand sneaking under the stretchy elastic of your pants, sliding closer and closer to where you needed him most. 

Carmen’s lips slid over your soft skin, finally pressing to the corner of your mouth. His fingers cupping your mound, sliding over your clothed slit teasingly. “Think I need to remind you, hm? D’you forget? That’s it?” Carmen rasped, pointer finger pressing against the cotton of your panties, circling over your clit. 

You gasped, clawing at his shoulders, his lips trailing down your jaw, free hand moving to hold you by the back of your neck, keeping you still while you squirmed against his touch. “Think I need to remind you, baby.” Carmen growled, the vibrations from his voice muffled on your skin, sending shockwaves to your core. “That what I need t’do, huh?” 

“Yes.” You whined, nasally and desperate, abdomen already clenching at the way he was working your clit. “Please.” You begged. 

“Please, what? Huh? Who’re you talkin’ to?” Carmen hummed, teeth grazing over the sensitive spot on your neck that had you lurching, knees buckling at the combined sensations. 

“Please, Daddy.” You panted, eyes rolling back when he licked over your neck, fingers pressing harder, rubbing tighter circles around your clit. 

You could feel how hard Carmen was, bulge rubbing against your hip, trying to satisfy his own throbbing. Your nails sunk into his skin, sure you’d leave marks, but you were sure he wouldn’t care. “You want me to take care of you? Want me to show you?” Carmen asked, so sweetly it made you gush, clenching around nothing, desperate for him to fill you up. 

“Yes, please, Daddy. Please.” You shuddered, a strangled breathy moan falling past your lips. “I need it so bad, please.” 

Carmen’s pace picked up furiously, a groan leaving his lips when he sucked at your sensitive skin there, hand tightening around the back of your neck to keep you in place. You could feel your legs shake, Carmen’s pace steadying and keeping tight circles around your clit, sending you reeling and jerking with every graze of his tongue, clinging to him while you fell apart- too easily. He did this to you too easily, knew you too well so he could. 

Carmen’s hand pulled out of your pants, your panties soaked with your own slick, some coating his fingers where you leaked through the fabric. Carmen let them pass in front of you, eyes locked to yours when he slipped them in his mouth, your breath hitching when he cleaned your release off his fingers. 

“Out of your fuckin’ mind if you think I want anyone else.” Carmen’s eyes darkened, holding your gaze in a menacing way. “Nobody tastes fuckin’ better than you, are you crazy? Thinkin’ I’d want someone else.” Carmen scoffed, leaving you shuddering, still reeling from your own high. 

“Take those clothes off and get on the bed. I’ll show you who you belong to. Who I belong to.” Carmen’s head jerked towards the bed. 

You scrambled towards it, shoving off your legging and peeling off clothes, tossing them into the corner of the room. You were slick, still pulsing from moments before, lying back on the edge of the bed with parted legs. The sick click of your own wetness filling the room when you spread yourself- oh, Carmen was sure he was going to pass out, looking at you spread and wet and waiting for him. All for him. If it wasn’t for the near painful throbbing of his cock, he would have devoured you, made you cum over and over and over on his tongue until his mouth was drenched with you, your scent filling his nose. Another time, he decided, pumping himself a few times. 

“You know, you really piss me off sayin’ shit like that.” Carmen huffed, pushing his hair back with his hand, inked fingers running through those blonde curls that were your weakness.

You look at him, feeling the fat head of his cock rubbing through your folds, teasing you already. “Actin’ like I’d ever want somebody else. Gettin’ jealous and for what, huh? Just actin’ out.” Carmen leaned down, folding his body so it was over yours, his face inches from your own. “You know you’re the only one for me. Only one I’d ever want.” 

He didn’t give you a chance to reply, pushing in deeply in one swift movement, filling you entirely with his length. You gasped, clawing at his shoulder blades until he was flush against you, your breath stammering, eyes rolling back at the stretch. 

Carmen waited, feeling you relax around him until he moved, a hard snap of his hips, unforgiving and painfully slow, rolling into you. You whined, a high pitched gasp, Carmen’s lips pressing to your wrist gently. He let his hips roll, getting into a steady, hard pace that left you drooling, eyes rolling back at each calculated jab to the sweet spot inside of you. The way you were clenching, Carmen knew he wasn’t going to last long. 

“Thinkin’ I’d want somebody else,” Carmen scoffed between gritted teeth, swallowing back the groan in the back of his throat at the way your pussy was strangling him right now. “I told you a million- shit- a million times before, baby. You’re it for me. You got that?” 

“Y-Yes, Carmy.” You shuddered, eyes already glossing over, mind numbing and reeling all at once. Your legs were shaking, burning already with another build up of pleasure. Carmen’s hips snapped, leaving you crying out, your own moans bouncing off the walls. 

Carmen chose not to correct you, muscles tightening in his legs and abs, trying to keep himself from spilling too soon. He knew you were close, could see it in your eyes, the rounding of your mouth. Leaning down, Carmen buried himself back into your neck, pushed into your skin. His own soft whines muffled against you, leaving you soaring with adoration, swimming in pleasure. 

“I don’t want anyone else but you.” Carmen admitted, hidden in the slick skin of your neck, a much softer admission than anything before. It was sincere, leaving you burning with heat, shaking as the tight coil in your tummy unraveled. 

Carmen felt you gush over him, wetting the hair at the base of his pelvis, before he pushed himself back up, pounding hard and deep inside of you to finish himself off. Hot breath hitting your neck, tiny whines and groans of pleasure buzzing in your ear before he finished, spilling inside of you with long, slow strokes. 

Carmen collapsed on top of you, his own mind racing and cloudy, chest heaving against yours. You sighed, welcoming the weight of him on top of you. It was heavy, a little crushing, but safe in a way. It was him, smothering you in the best way. 

He rolled off, a few huffs before he was beside you, feeling his release run out of you. You didn’t even care, you had the detergent- you’d clean the sheets. 

“You know I don’t like her.” Carmen muttered, still staring at the ceiling. You turned to look at him, silent but questioning. “Claire, or-or anyone, right?” Carmen’s eyes were rounded, filled with a familiar guilt that told you his mind was racing again. 

“I only like- I only love you.” Carmen corrected, lips pressing together, jaw flexing with emotion. “I-I don’t know why she did that, but… Like, you’re it for me. You know that? I don’t care about any of that other shit with Claire or-or anyone, because I just want you.” 

It was raw, a little hushed like he was scared to admit it, to say it too loud and scare you off- scare himself. But you did know it. Even through your blind, jealous rage, you knew it. You knew Carmen only cared for you, only loved you. And you felt the same way about him. 

“I know.” You nodded, reaching out to grab his hand, curling your fingers around the calloused fingers, bringing them to your lips. You kissed the inked ‘O’ on his middle finger, letting your nose nuzzle the skin. 

“I’m sorry I got jealous.” You muttered, leaning into his hand, hoping it would hide your flushed, embarrassed cheeks. “I just… I don’t know. I didn’t like how she was trying it with you. Trying to come at what’s mine.”

Carmen grinned, the possessiveness in your voice, it made his heart skip. Knowing there was someone out there so fiercely protective of him- wanting to keep him and love him that way. It was something he never imagined having. He was glad he had it with you. 

“I know.” Carmen nodded, biting back his own grin. “You got me, though. ‘M not goin’ anywhere.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Carmen nodded, sliding closer to you on the duvet, letting his leg fall over your hip. 

You settled under the weight, still cradling his hand to your cheek. “Good.” You hummed. “‘M not goin’ anywhere either, Bear.” 

“You better not.” Carmen grinned, playfully but he meant it. 

You laughed, a breathy light huff, lips pressing a kiss into his thumb. “Well, except to clean the sheets.” You muttered, feeling the wetness pooling around you. “Probably need to do that.” 

“Yeah,” Carmen sighed, looking between the two of you. “I need to put the rest of the groceries away, too. Kinda got… distracted, ya know.” 

You blushed. “Sorry about that.” 

“Don’t be.” Carmen muttered, sincerity in his tone. “You-You don’t have to be sorry for that.” 

You didn’t argue, simply melting into his touch, leaning forward so his lips were on yours, body pressing your into the mattress, pinned by his kiss. You could feel the burn between your legs, the raised skin on his shoulders where you’d clawed at him- marks that he was yours, reminders that you were his. 

[buggybambi]

nurse cupid | carmen berzatto

claire and carmen used to date. you work under claire, and are now dating carmen. what a fucked up triangle ─ 1.33k cw: fem!reader, she/her pronouns used

Ever since you were young, you knew you wanted to be a nurse. Every career day at school, your answer was the same: "I want to be a nurse and help people!" usually written in yellow crayon.

So, managing to score a job in an ER in Chicago was a dream come true. You loved Chicago and your charge nurse, Claire, was one of your closest friends. Emphasis on was. That was before you and Carmy met.

Carmen Berzatto. The boy you met through Syd, one of your oldest friends. After weeks of back and forth flirting, you and him finally asked for each other's numbers and set up a date, much to Syd's apprecation since all he talked about outside of work was you and if you were stopping in.

Claire only found out about your relationship with Carmy after he insisted taking you to work one particularly snowy morning, leaving you with a goodbye kiss.

That day, she gave you more work then usual. More charts, more patients to watch over and check on, and that was on top of your usual work load. Plus, everytime you asked her a question she gave an exhausted sounding sigh and explained it to you like you were a child, with a condescending tone in her voice.

"Claire." You walk over to her, setting the charts (filled out) down on the desk. "What the hell is your issue with me today? You've been giving me your patients and frankly, your attitude towards me is passive aggressive. If there's something I did, tell me what it is and I can fix it." You request.

Her pager beeps as she hums. "The chief wants to see you." She says, beginning to walk off, and you follow her.

──

As soon as you stepped foot into the chief’s office, you knew what was happening. One of the ladies from HR you’d met once before, the chief, and Claire. Sat around a coffee table.

“Hi Y/n. Glad you could join us.” You know that’s HR talk for “glad we summoned you, let’s tell you what you did wrong.”

You sit down, noticing the look Claire gives you. It’s almost a glare.

“Mm. Can I ask what this is about?” You question.

“Well, Claire here has a feeling that you’re trying to shove a personal relationship in her face. I understand you are dating her ex and she just feels that-”

“That you’re basically trying to remind me of what Carmen and I went through. What we once had.” Claire cuts Aileen (the woman from HR) off, tilting her head at you as she waits on a response.

You stare at her, actually letting out a mix of a scoff and a laugh. “I’m sorry? Claire, Carm and you broke up nearly a year ago. Why are you still hooked on him?”

“This isn’t about me. You knew damn well I’d be at work this morning when he dropped you off.” “It was freezing cold! He didn’t want me walking or taking a cold train, so he offered to drive me since it’s on his way to work. He gave me a kiss and I never even brought it up to you.”

“Ladies!” The chief cuts you both off. “Aileen has agreed to investigate this further. Y/n, refraining from engaging with your boyfriend for respect of Claire’s feelings would be best.” He encourages.

You actually have tears in your eyes from the frusturation, your hands shaking from where you sit. "I'm sorry, can you excuse me for a moment?" You ask softly, standing up before they answer and practically running out of the room.

You barely make it out before you hear the office door shut, not by you but by Claire. "Y/n-"

"What the hell did I do to you, huh? Is this because Carmen and you broke up, or maybe because I didn't come running to you asking for your permission before I began dating him? What is it?" You question, throwing your hands in the air before slapping your hands against your side.

"Don't blame me for this. You're the one who had to go and act like a.. like a school girl bitch and put your relationship with him near me." She scolds. The tears you had been fighting back actually start falling at that, as you wipe them quickly. You shake your head, as you push past her and the flood of doctors.

──

Cold air be damned, you cross your arms over your chest as you lean against the brick wall outside. Ambulances soar past toward the ER exit, but you don't pay them any attention. It isn't until a familiar car pulls up in front of you that you actually look up.

"Hey, pretty girl. You okay?" Carmen's comforting voice asks, getting out of his car with his coat in hands, putting it over your shoulders. His heart breaks at the sight of your tears, nose red from probably the cold and crying, a frown matching yours.

You bury your face in his neck, only moving it to speak. "Claire saw you drop me off this morning and reported me to human resources. Then called me a school-girl bitch for 'putting our relationship near her'." You answer, your voice soft.

He nods slowly, trying to keep himself calm near you. "Why don't you go get in the car, huh? I'll go grab your stuff from inside." He asks, taking your hands in his. You smile. "Thanks, Carmy. Just behave yourself, please." You request, before climbing into the passenger seat of the car.

He watches to make sure you're safe in the car before he goes inside, fists clenched at his side. Behaving himself was something Carmen had never enjoyed doing, so why would he?

He spots Claire almost immediately, walking over. "Carmen-" She begins.

"Claire. What the fuck is your problem?" He cuts her off, staring at her. "Y/n has done nothing to you. If you're pissed about how we left things, that's fine. But you have zero right to harass my girlfriend over how I’ve moved on. I suggest you do the same.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply, instead making his way up to the chief’s office. Knocking on the door and waiting for the faint "come in", Carmen steps into the office and clears his throat as his jacket hangs off one arm.

“Hi, sir. My name is Carmen Berzatto, I’m-”

“I know who you are, son.” Ed, the chief, says with a nod. “And I know why you’re here. And I’d like to only say this once, so I’d appreciate your listening. Y/n is a fantastic employee as I'm sure she's a fantastic partner. I hate to see that girl crying. So, allow this to be a warning.." Ed stands, circling the desk and sitting on the edge, arms crossed right in front of Carmen.

".. If you hurt her, and I find she comes into work again crying because of you, I will end you. Are we clear?" Ed asks, and Carmen immediately asks. "Yes, sir, thank you." He says.

Carmen made his way back to the car, finding you in the frontseat, staring at the radio. He sets your bag in the backseat, climbing into the passenger's seat. "Your radio is all weird." You mumble.

He laughs, placing a kiss on your head. "I'm sorry about Claire. I should have told you.. I promise I am gonna spend the rest of the day making it up to you." He says.

You smile at him. "As long as I've got you, I don't care, Carmy. It isn't your fault."

He grins. "Well, you've got me for as long as you'll have me."

──

It doesn't shock anyone when you're moved to a different unit a week later, this time one where your boyfriend didn't date the charge nurse that would harass you. At least if they did, Carmy would be there to comfort you.

Like he always is.

˙ ✩°˖🌸 ⋆｡˚꩜

shine on, shine on, my loves!

thank you for reading! please feel free to engage with this post by reblogging, commenting or sliding into my inbox to leave feedback! i appreciate all of you! check out my carmen berzatto masterlist here for more fanfics!

- mae

[saltnsugarbear]

bad blood!Carmy nsfw headcanons (18+)

summary: just some nsfw thoughts on Carmy from my series!

title from: series playlist!

word count: 2.4k, pure filth <3

content warnings: smut MDNI!! claire mention (I'm sorry), afab reader genitalia, unprotected penetrative sex (birth control does not save you! wear a rubber), maybe breeding kink if you squint really hard, vaginal oral, vaginal fingering,

read part one or part two!

-i just want to preface with, you have fucked

-unlike Carmen

-it takes a very long time for you guys to get to this point in your relationship, given everything thats happened in the past

-to not spoil what I have planned, but the first time you guys sleep together is maybe during the construction? most likely during season 3 timeline (June-ish)

- if it's during season 3, then it's definitely after you've told him off again and you're both worked up.

-it's after service and you're both in the alleyway, yelling at each other over a cigarette.

-at one point you're up in his face, poking his chest and your cigarette is dangerously close to burning a hole in his chef whites. your chest is heaving as you finish telling him off and thats when it happens.

-Carmy is,,,, very not elegant when kissing you lmao

-he's very awkward! he's only ever kissed Claire! so he very easily lets you take control of the kiss

-however he does end up corraling you against the wall, hands on your hips and in your hair and everywhere

-you've both discarded your cigarettes and you're grabbing handfuls of his chef whites. he is impossibly close to you and you need him closer

-youre both desperate and know you're limited on time right now

-this, by the way, has carmy x host/waiter written all over it because you and Richie are a team! the dynamic duo! the baddest host/waiter team!

-anyways back to it, you're both desperate, horny, and frustrated

-youre both fumbling with the others pants. Carmy has yanked yours down to your knees and is now helping you undo his belt and buttons

-i, personally, am not one for backshots but thats simply whats most convenient right now!

-so after you've got his pants unbuttoned you turn yourself around, preparing for the feeling of brick against your hands and cheek

-carmy, ever the gentleman, shucks off his chef whites and gives to you as a barrier between your face and the wall

-he adjusts your hips so they're farther from the wall, ass sticking out a little more (just for his enjoyment)

-you can hear him spit into his hand and the sound of his hand slicking up his cock. the sound is filthy and it has you rocking your hips back a little which makes Carmy huff a laugh

-"that fuckin' needy, huh?" carmys lips are against your ear, he's slipping the head of his cock between your folds and briefly nudges up against your clit

-you open your mouth to respond but as soon as you do, carmy is sinking the head of his cock into and you very quickly forget whatever smart-ass comment you were going to make and is replaced with a breathy gasp

-he gives you the briefest moment to against before he's sinking further into you until his hips are flush against your ass

-carmen gives you another brief moment to adjust to the size of him before he places his hand over yours on the wall and starts a furious pace

-"such a fuckin' smart mouth.." carmy grunts out, his whole demeanor the opposite of how he usually is

-its kind of hot

-he keeps up the dirty talk with things like "where'd that mouth go, huh?" "don't have anything to say?" "fucking you so good you can't think?" and like you really cannot think, the only noises coming out of your mouth are strangled moans and labored panting

-it goes against everything in your being and dynamic to not bite back at him but he's just fucking you so good all you can think about is his hand on your hip and hand and how deep he is inside you

-"all y'needed was to have my cock in ya and you shut up?" "what would they think, their smart mouth host just need a good fuck." "should have known y'needed to be full to behave yourself"

-your orgasm is a shock to you with all of his comments but Carmy is not done! no sir! he proceeds to fuck another one out of you before he's pulling out and finishing in his hand (which he wipes off on the rag from his back pocket) (which has now been disposed of in the dumpster)

-carmy is ragged against you, catching his breath with his chest heaving against your back

-you can't think past the body warmth he radiates around you and the brush of his thumb on your hand and hip

-once you've both caught your breath, carmy pulls pulls your underwear up before he flips you for your back is resting against the wall

-carmy doesn't let you think to hard in the moment and fixes your appearance for you. he pulls your pants back up, tucking your blouse into the waistband and fixing your hair

-carefully, carmy takes his shirt from behind your head and slips it back on before he fixes his own pants

-he gives you a brief parting kiss, its soft and sweet compared to the way he was just railing into you

-carmy enters through the back before you, giving you more time to collect yourself before you have to face the staff and customers again

-okay second scenario, let's go

-if it happens during construction on the restaurant, it's after hours when Carmy is sorting through things or planning the menu by himself.

-maybe he's asked you to come take a look at the dish he's working on, tell him if you think the ingredients are right or if it looks good plated.

-your faces are really close to each other, you're peering over his work and he's watching you take everything in.

-when you look up at him, you're somehow even closer. you can feel his breath on your lips and can bump his nose with yours if you move even a little

-you're not really sure who moves first but suddenly you're kissing. its short before carmy pulls away, wide eyed and looking like he's about to apologize

-you swallow any possibility of that happening by kissing him again and he lets you, any thoughts of the menu quickly forgotten in favor of simply kissing you

-Carmy brushes all of the paperwork to the side and sits you on the desk, bringing your feet to rest on the chair behind him

-this version is much more desperate and hot and communicating everything neither of you will say out loud

-its really soft and sensual and this kiss is polar opposite to the first scenario

-carmy really takes his time with you cause there's no one to interrupt you tonight

-his hands are everywhere, sliding over your chest and down your ribs, pulling your hips impossibly closer

-he slides a hand down your pants, albeit shy, and is a little bit shocked at how wet your underwear already is, and this earns you a shocked groan against your mouth

-you take that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss and Carmy lets you take the lead

-Carmy clumsily moves his fingers past your waistband and the feeling of his fingers against you makes your hips jerk

-ever the quick learner, Carmy begins rubbing at your sex and it has you moaning into his mouth

-his fingers dip ever the slightest down to brush against your slit and has you whining in response (which Carmy thoroughly enjoys but I digress!)

-Carmy spends a lot of time toying with your clit and using your own arousal that the steadily building knot in your stomach just snaps

-he pulls back and watches in amazement as you clench around nothing and try to trail after his mouth to stifle your moans

-to help you, carmy dips one of his fingers inside of you and it has you gasping into his mouth

-carmy helps you ride out your orgasm with one finger and eventually ups it to two, which makes you bring a hand to his hair to tug him closer to you

-the sounds you're making would be slightly more embarrassing if you weren't so desperate and didn't think Carmy was incredibly turned on

-using the release around his fingers and thats slowly seeping out of you, he brings his thumb to your clit to work at it softer this time

-if you thought you sounded needy before, its nothing compared to when carmy starts fucking three fingers into you

-he brushes up against a spot that has your eyes roll back into your head, tugging hard at Carmys roots and causing him to groan into your mouth

-your second orgasm rocks through your body like a semi, the air is punched out of your lungs and you feel like your legs are jello

-the whine thats let past your lips when carmy removes his fingers is embarrassing but your body mourns the loss all the same

-anyways he's so sweet, he helps you work of your pants, lifting your hips to get them down throwing your shoes and jeans to the side somewhere

-once he has your pants off you still can't think

-your brain is foggy with your first two orgasms, it feels like you're floating as Carmy unbuttons his pants and briefs, pushing them down to his knees

-all you can do is gasp when he nudges your clit with the head of his cock and then guides himself to your entrance

-slowly Carmy sinks into your heat and he groans at the feeling of your tight walls around him

-as he pushes deeper into you, he captures your lips in a kiss thats sloppy and interrupted by both of your moans

-once he's fully inside of you, somehow you feel more full then you thought possible with his pelvis flush to yours

-when you lean back on your hand to help roll your hips into his thrusts, Carmy places his own over yours and uses it as a means for momentum

-its a slow and even rhythm Carmy has set. you can feel all of him as he pulls out to the head and thrusts back in

-with two orgasms, you can already feel a third on its way

-Carmy is whispering simple sweet things against your lips

-"come on, baby, need you to wait just a little longer. I know you can hold on a little longer." "feel so good around me, jus' perfect." "fuck.. feels like heaven, holy shit"

-soon youre crashing into your third orgasm and you all you can do is gasp out what sounds something like his name

-"fuckin' christ, sweetheart. can't- don't think I'm gonna last much longer-"

-clumsily, Carmy lifts up the hem of your shirt as he pulls out and paints your stomach in his cum

-all either of you can do is look down at area he's covered, both of your mouths agape as you attempt to catch your breath

-carmy quickly tucks himself away before he's opening the file cabinet and takes out the box of tissues Mikey had left in there ages ago

-he kisses your face softly as he starts cleaning you up, trailing them over your cheeks and jaw and nose as he slowly starts helping put you back together

-an overall soft and sweet afterglow (you'll worry about what it mean later, when you can feel your legs again)

-riding him but you guys are sharing a cigarette on his couch, do I need to say more?

-the answer is yes I do

-it's very lazy sex. after service, you're both bone tired but Carmy needs to be close to you right now.

-it's more like cockwarming then actually riding him.

-his chef whites are unbuttoned and his t-shirt is rumpled underneath. his jeans are pulled down to his knees, your own discarded on the floor next to the couch

-carmy hasn't even fully removed your shirt, he's too busy peppering kisses along your sternum and leaving little teeth marks around your nipples

-at a certain point it becomes too much (too little really) and carmy flips you over, laying you on the couch cushion and thrusts into you with a little more firmness

-reverse claire stealing a smoke, carmy grabs your wrist and brings the filter to his lips, making very intense eye contact with you as he takes a drag and hits that one spot that makes you gasp and your eyes roll

-this is also probably the first night you let him cum inside you what can I say, double whammy

-when he's close, he chokes out your name but you're shaking your head, bringing one of your legs up to keep his hips flush with the backs of your thighs

-carmy is sick (not actually) because holy shit you're going to let him fill up you say less

-he definitely picks up his pace, at this point chasing his own release and your own

-hes kind of feral at the idea of filling you up what can I say

-digging through the basement storage with him

-quickie in the basement is what I'm hinting at

-hes got you sat upon the work table, one of your legs hoisted so your knee is against his shoulder

-this is desperate and rushed, you only have so much time before someone comes down to check on you guys

-probably after construction has started and you guys are trying to sort through this stuff before The Bear opens

-idk you guys are like rabbits after your first time together its kind of crazy

-ive been struck with the idea of make up sex which would be really soft and kind of hot

-he's trying to figure out, still, how he can make up for what he's done and you've excepted that he won't be able to. and you've told him this, he ruined your career, there's little you can do to fix that.

-however Carmy still feels like he needs to repent for what he did

-so he does such in the only way he knows how

-eating you out, a classic

-he spends hours between your thighs, pulling orgasm after orgasm from you, always dancing on the edge of overstimulation

-at a certain point carmy let's out a particularly powerful groan, you only learn what that means when he comes up to kiss you with a wet patch in his jeans

-however, ever the dedicated to your pleasure, carmy is ready to go and make it up for you with his cock

[nolita-fairytale]

your past and mine are parallel lines | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a run-in with an old friend sparks a conversation between you and carmy of the people you loved before each other. or rather, the one in which you meet claire.

warnings: use of she/her pronouns, no use of y/n, second person pov, swearing, tooth rotting fluff, not-your-normal jealousy fic, soft!carmy, lives in the world of make my heart surrender

wc: 3.9k

a/n: ok so hear me out: i just want to write about healthy relationships right now and that is where i'm at. this is not your normal jealousy fic and i hope you still enjoy! this lives in the world of 'make my heart surrender' because of course it does and takes place a month after my oneshot, j is for j beard and jealousy.

masterlist

It begins with forgotten carrots, tops attached, of course – a necessary ingredient to the dish that you’ve been working on all afternoon together. Usually, you’d go for a rainbow bunch, but for the puree, aesthetically of course, the classic orange carrot is much better suited. You’d hadn’t put them on the grocery list the day before, certain that you had a bunch or two at home sitting in your vegetable drawer, only to find mid-recipe development that you did not, in fact, have carrots at home. It doesn’t take long for Carmy to suggest a quick trip to the store, insisting that you come with him because this is a date, after all. 

It’s something you and Carmy have decided to do, now that neither of you are needed at the restaurant 24/7: a cooking date at home which, despite the fact that this date night was an idea born out of both of your desires to introduce more fun into your lives, will inevitably become a dish that Carmy tries to put on the menu anyways.

Divide and conquer is the strategy: while you hit up the produce aisle, Carmy is sent on a mission to procure a bottle of orange wine for dinner later tonight. 

But what’s supposed to be a simple Saturday afternoon grocery store run takes a turn for the intriguing as you hear a laugh – a woman’s laugh – and the familiar sound of your boyfriend’s voice muttering something about the name of his restaurant.

As you approach, you spot your boyfriend and the woman he’s found himself in a conversation with. Carmy leans against the refrigerator doors, his chest square to the brunette, bathed in neon blues from the refrigerator lights. 

“Because you’re the bear. And I remember you,” you hear her say. You observe carefully, the look of surprise and the blush that runs across Carmy’s cheeks in response to her words are not lost on you. 

There’s a palpable energy between them as they converse, and it feels as if all the blood is rushing to your head as you cut the tension with a single: 

“Hey.” 

As the brunette turns to you, you’re only a little taken aback by how beautiful she is. With long, thick, dark hair, she has piercing blue eyes, similar to the ones you’ve found yourself lost in in your years spent loving Carmen Berzatto. You feel almost silly as you stand there, holding a bunch of carrots in your right hand, suddenly grateful that your have your favorite of Carmy’s denim jackets tied around your waist (for “just in case the store’s got the AC blasting,” Carmy had reminded you before you left the house earlier). 

“Hi,” is all she replies, an almost too-friendly smile plastered to her face, as she takes a few steps towards you. “I’m Claire. I’m…” She trails off before stealing a glance over at Carmy before continuing with, “...an old friend. Of Carmy’s.” As the woman called Claire extends a hand out to you, you take it, giving her hand a curt shake as you introduce yourself. 

It dawns on Carmy, who has slipped into a state of what can only be considered as shock, that he probably should’ve introduced the two of you sooner as he mutters an apology under his breath. 

“Shit, yeah, sorry. I probably should’ve-. I uh, um, Claire. Yeah. This is uh, this is my girlfriend,” Carmy manages to get out, his face growing increasingly deeper shades of red as the words tumble out of his mouth. 

“Your-? Wow, oh my god! It’s-it’s so nice to meet you,” Claire replies, trying her best to hide the surprise in her voice as it increases in pitch with every word. 

“So… what’re you two up to-?” she begins to ask, looking from you to Carmy with wide, quizzical eyes. “Carrots. We’re uh…,” is the first thing that comes to mind as the words fly from your lips. “... buying carrots.” 

You realize how stupid it sounds, completely caught off guard, as you scramble to find any word in the English language that doesn’t sound as ridiculous as what you’ve just said. 

You wonder if this is how Carmy felt when you ran into Nate at the James Beard Awards about a month ago. 

At this rate, something’s gotta be in retrograde, right? you think to yourself as you try to push down your feelings of embarrassment. 

“Right,” Carmy mutters, while Claire tries to get the conversation back on track. 

“Well, it’s really good to see you, Bear. Really. I’ll have to stop by the restaurant sometime,” she says, preparing to excuse herself. 

“Yeah,” Carmy nods, still avoiding as much direct eye contact as possible. 

Bear.

It shouldn’t bother you as much as it does, and yet, you can’t help the feeling that wells inside of you as she says the name. 

The family name. 

His childhood name. 

It feels more intimate than it should, and maybe it is. 

You swallow, trying to shake the feeling. 

“Yes. Yeah, we’d uh… let us know. When you’re there,” you continue, exchanging a look with Carmy, who only nods along. 

“Oh, you’re a-, you work there too? At the restaurant,” Claire asks, eyeing the carefully drawn fruits and veggies that adorn the length of your arms, permanently inked there forever. 

“Yeah. Uh. Pastry chef,” you reply with a small laugh. 

She nods, almost as if she’s accepted an unspoken agreement – something you’re not sure you’ll ever know. 

“Well it was nice to meet you,” she says once more, shooting a soft smile in your direction, before excusing herself. “And it’s good to see you, Carmy.” 

As you watch Claire walk away, Carmy’s still frozen inside of what he thinks could be the most awkward experience of his month so far. 

“So… that was weird,” you say, as you turn towards your boyfriend. He mutters something in agreement because the only thing he can think of to say is, what the fuck just happened. 

And he’s barely figured that out. 

“Do… you want to talk about it?” you ask skeptically, dragging out the ‘o’ at the beginning of your question. 

“Not really,” he mumbles softly, shaking his head. 

“Great, me either,” you’re quick to reply, even though you both know that you’re going to have to talk about this eventually. 

—-------------------------------------

It seems to be a day of forgetfulness, as Carmy realizes that he’s left his notebook at the restaurant – something he’s been working out of for any and all new ideas, a habit you think he picked up from Syd. It’s not entirely out of the way, so the two of you decide to stop by on the way home. You enter through the back, hoping to skirt the tongue lashing you’ll both get for coming in – even just for a few minutes – on your day off. 

But a hall-pass just isn’t in the cards for either of you, as you’re instantly spotted, arm-in-arm, by Richie who’s just ended the pre-dinner shift all hands meeting. 

“It’s your day off! Get the fuck outta here,” Richie calls out to you with a shake of his head. “You two. I swear.” 

“I just forgot my notebook. We’re in, then we’re out. I swear!” Carmy defends himself, holding up his hands. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie dismisses him before issuing a warning with a wag of his finger. “You better not stay longer than five minutes, you got that?” 

“In and out. Scout’s honor,” you answer, before the abrupt interjection of Fak’s voice stops you from saying anything else. 

“Incomiiiiiiiing!” Fak cries, as he bursts through the doors. “Ahhhh man. Hey Carm! I heard you ran into Claire Bear.” 

Claire Bear?

You shoot Carmy a quizzical look that he’s more than eager to avoid. 

“The fuck are you talkin’ about?” Richie snaps as Carmy simultaneously lets out as: “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. What do you-? How? Already?!” “Fuck it’s been two fuckin’ seconds,” Carmy grits his teeth, trying his best to answer Richie’s question. “But apparently news travels fast.” He shoots you an apologetic look as he explains, “She’s uh… close family friends with the Faks.” 

“Ahhh,” you let out. “She seem good? Bet she was glad to see ya,” Fak inquires, overenthusiastically winking in Carmy’s direction. 

“Yeah she’s uh… she’s gonna be a doctor in a few months huh?” Carmy replies, trying his best to avoid Fak’s continuous winks. 

“Who the fuck is Claire?” Sydney asks, as she enters the conversation. Syd quickly notices the confused look on your face, in contrast to the embarrassed one on Carmy’s, and a more than eager Fak, much to Richie’s dismay. 

It’s as if he can read the situation in one look as Richie cuts in this time with an explanation:

“Will you stop it, fucko? Jesus Christ.” Richie turns his attention to you this time as shakes his head, brushing off Fak’s earlier comment. “She’s just a kid from the neighborhood. That’s all.” 

“Just a kid from the neighborhood?! You, Richie, you are not nice!” Fak exclaims. 

But Richie is faster, quick to dismiss the man as he cuts him off with a few sharp words about fixing his bowtie before dinner service starts. As they bicker back and forth, trading barbs like brothers, Carmy has returned to his ‘I really don’t want to talk about this’ body language, his shoulders slumped and completely avoiding eye contact. 

“Okay. Um…. Raise your hand if you’re off the clock but you’re acting really fuckin’ weird right now,” Sydney says, looking from you to Carmy, and then back to you. 

“I…” you try your best to explain to no avail – mostly because you’re not sure what to explain yet. 

“We should go. Let’s get out of here, yeah?” you propose, directing your attention towards Carmy again. You’re more than happy to be met with a nod as Carmy excuses himself, darting into his office to retrieve the notebook he came here for in the first place. 

You can tell that he’s not ready to talk about it, and after the weirdness today, you’re beginning to wonder more and more about this Claire girl. Carmy had never mentioned an ex-girlfriend. You knew that there were short-lived flings here and there throughout his twenties, but by the time you met him, it was just you and him, trapped inside your little bubble of denial and unspoken feelings until you weren’t. 

Claire doesn’t quite seem like an ex, but you could feel that she wasn’t just a girl from the neighborhood that Carmy grew up with either. 

“You good?” Sydney asks, immediately noticing your discomfort. 

“Yes,” you answer, unconvincingly. “Sooooo….?” Sydney begins to ask. 

So what’s going on? So what was that all about? 

“Girl, I will let you know when I know,” you answer, shooting her a matching look. 

“Godspeed, my friend,” Sydney replies with a salute, eliciting a much needed laugh from you. “I’m gonna get back to work but uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” you nod, trying your best to shake off this weird feeling. 

As you watch her go, you’re too caught up in the what-the-fuck-ness of it all that you barely notice as Richie approaches. 

“You know you got nothin’ to worry about, right, sweetheart?” Richie asks you, interrupting the thoughts swimming around in your head. 

“No yeah. I-, he’ll tell me when he’s ready,” you reply, almost as if you’re trying to convince yourself. 

“You ready?” you hear Carmy ask. 

“Yeah,” you nod, before giving Richie a small smile because his reassurance means a lot. “Thanks, Richie.” 

As you wave goodbye, Carmy takes your hand before leading you out of the restaurant and en route towards home. There’s a thick tension between the two of you, filled with things left unsaid. It’s more of an awkward kind of tension as Richie’s words echo in your head: 

You know you got nothin’ to worry about, right, sweetheart? 

It means more to you than he knows – that Richie is in your corner. It’s not like the two of you are best friends, but you have a mutual understanding that you’ve been good for Carmen ever since you reentered his life. 

You’ve become a patient woman, knowing that, most of the time, Carmy has to come to you on his own time. You trust him wholeheartedly, and you trust that he’ll tell you when he’s ready. It just doesn’t help the anticipation that’s been building inside of you all afternoon. 

“You know. We’re gonna have to talk about this eventually,” you say, breaking the comfortable silence between you. 

“Yeah,” Carmy answers quietly, giving your hand a confident squeeze. And if it’s a promise, he adds, “Yeah, I know.”

—-------------------------------------

You’re barely paying attention to George Clooney’s portrayal of a former raider turned newspaper columnist of a fox, entirely distracted by your game of cat and mouse that you play with Carmy and his attention. You can feel his eyes on you as you take another sip from your wine glass, the funky and sour notes hitting your tongue as he watches you closely, your head hazy from getting towards the end of the second glass.  

Carmy sighs, shifting his body position, as if choosing the comfiest position will embolden him to tell you what’s been on his mind.

He lets out yet another sigh, this one much heavier than the last and you know he’s working up the nerve. 

You cradle your wine glass in your hands, giving the last of the orange elixir a swirl as you settle into the couch, your back pressed against the arm of it as you stretch your legs out in front of you. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” you finally ask him, and he lets out one last sigh of relief, almost as if he’s been waiting for you to ask. 

“Uh… yeah, actually,” Carmy admits, hesitantly.

You’ve been waiting for him to get here, taking in the vulnerable look on his face as he searches for the words he thinks will best convey what he wants to say. “So… there was like… someone… before me, yeah?” Carmy drags out, his face soft as he asks you a question that takes you by surprise. 

You let out what can only be described as a laugh and a sob as you reply with: 

“What do you mean?” you choke out, the laugh that escapes your body providing much needed relief. 

It’s not what you expected. That’s for sure. 

“You know…” he trails off, before taking another deep breath because as much as he hates to admit it, it’s really the only example he’s got. “Like… I know… about Nate.” “Nate?!” you exclaim with an even bigger laugh. “Bear, are you… are you asking me about my exes?” 

“Uh… yeah…” he admits on an exhale, almost embarrassed to be asking. “I guess uh-, I guess I am.” In his bashfulness, you giggle, reaching out to give his arm a squeeze as you begin to understand that he’s ready to talk about what happened in the grocery store. 

Carmy takes a breath, and you watch his posture soften.

“Well, Nate barely counts as an ex. I don’t… That was more of a… one-time mistake kind of thing,” you admit, knowing that it wasn’t all that long ago that Carmy found out about it in the first place. 

“Right,” Carmy nods, his gaze focused on his knees for a moment because even though he brought it up, he’d really like to stop talking about Nate right about now. 

“But!” you begin, trying your best to meet him where he’s asking you to. “The guy I dated… right before I met you, Alec was… definitely someone I consider an ex. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah um… we were together for two years… just before I started working at our old spot,” you begin, willing to give him as much information as he wants. “So why didn’t it work out?” Carmy asks curiously. 

“I don’t know, babe. I racked my brain trying to figure that one out a ton when we first broke up,” you sigh, uncertain of how to answer that question. You take your time choosing to be as honest as possible in your explanation. “I think… I don’t know. He was never as sure about me as I was of him.”

“We were great together, y’know? He was kind, and smart… he made me laugh… And we were really happy together for a long time. I mean, I think we were exactly what each other needed as the people we were in that time of our lives,” you explain, elaborating on what really worked in your relationship with Alec. 

“But eventually, none of that stuff really mattered because all I wanted was to be with someone who felt as crazy about me as I did about them, you know? And… he wasn’t… entirely sure.” 

Carmy lets out a deep breath as he takes your words in. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he apologizes, as he feels the weight of your words. “I guess… well, I guess I didn’t know about all that.” 

“Well, I didn’t exactly tell you,” you shrug. 

Carmy thinks it over, wondering why he never asked you about your broken heart back then – not that he was ever really good about that kind of stuff  – the talking about feelings kind of stuff, and whatnot. 

But he wants to be good at it now. Or, at least he’d like to try. He wants to try to be good at it for you. 

“Guy’s a fuckin’ loser,” Carmy comments, a bitterness in his voice as he does. “I can’t imagine it.” 

“Hm?” 

“Not being crazy about you,” he answers, his tone confident as his eyes catch yours. 

Your heart flutters with the way he looks at you, and between his words and his certainty about you, you can’t regret the past – not even a little bit. 

“It’s okay, Bear,” you reassure him, and you mean it. “If Alec and I had stayed together… well, you and I never would’ve….” 

“Danced around each other for over two years?” Carmy points out letting out a dry laugh. “Right,” you chuckle in agreement, with a playful eye roll. 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” 

“We’re here now. Isn’t that what’s important?” you ask with a shrug and a half smile. 

This time, his tone much more serious, Carmy answers with a, yeah, that feels heavier than the previous ones. 

You and Carmy both take a beat, letting the reality of your life with each other sink in. It’s as if all the ‘no’s of the past lead you here to this moment, and you’d have it no other way. 

“So. Who… is Claire?” you ask, earning a groan from Carmy as he swears under his breath with a shake of his head. You stretch out your leg, just enough to poke him with your big toe as he chuckles, wanting nothing more than to avoid this question. 

“It’s just… well you’ve never really told me about any of your exes!”

“Well she’s not really… my ex,” Carmy blushes, averting his gaze once again. 

“Well, she doesn’t really seem like just a friend,” you point out, and it suddenly feels like you’re showing your entire hand. Carmy agrees with you on an exhale, reminding himself that he wants to try the whole ‘better at talking about feelings’ thing with you. 

“Okay. Uh… well… we’ve known each other for like… forever, I guess,” Carmy begins to explain running a hand through his curls. “Her family is close with the Faks and I-, I-, uh… well, I sort of… had this massive crush on her… like all throughout school.” 

“What?” you ask, genuinely curious about his sudden coyness. 

“It’s embarrassing!” he defends himself, with a dry laugh. 

“Carmy, it’s not!” you insist, sitting up straight this time to reach for his hand. “Was it weird for you? Earlier today?” 

“Uh. Kinda, yeah,” he confesses, stealing a glance your way. 

“Yeah?” you ask. 

“Yeah. Like… a lot. Was that… not obvious?” he shoots back, this time with a shake of his head. “I just-. I don’t know. It was weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?” you ask again, patiently. “Just… weird, babe,” Carmy answers honestly with a shrug of his own. 

You nod in understanding, wanting to give him the space to share more if he’d like to. It’s not that you were worried about Claire… but it had been weird, earlier today – and even stranger when no one was giving you a proper explanation. “I-, I-, it’s like. I had such a big crush on her. And I could barely work up the nerve to talk to her like… I was sort of just this-, this total fuckin’ loser,” Carmy continues, his eyes narrowing as he talks about a younger version of himself. “And now here I am… with my super hot girlfriend and I just-. I don’t know. It sorta uh… reminded me of like… a different version of myself.” 

“Yeah, no, I-, I get that. It’s… it’s such a weird feeling,” you empathize, exchanging a look with your boyfriend this time. 

You nod in understanding, only to be met with a laugh and another shake of his head as Carmy lets out a sigh of relief. “You’re being like… waaaaay too cool about this,” he points out, his voice lighter this time. 

“Oh yeah?” you ask with a quirk of an eyebrow. “Uh. Fuck yeah,” Carmy confirms, as you exchange a laugh. He shrugs once again, only a little embarrassed as he adds, “You know… I just… I kinda lost my fuckin’ mind. You know. About Nate.” You shrug, “That’s different. I-.” A beat. “Do you want me to be jealous?” “No,” Carmy answers. A beat. “Maybe?” And another. “I-, I don’t know. This is all so new to me!” 

“Carm,” you sigh, as you lean over, placing your wine glass down on the coffee table before scooting closer to your boyfriend as you continue. “You and I have been through so much together and there were days that I thought we’d never speak again… but somehow we still ended up here.” 

He grabs your hands, pulling you in closer towards him as you meet him pound for pound–all heart on both sides. 

“I trust you,” you reassure him, your fingers sliding perfectly between his. “And I know I have your heart… ‘cos I know you got mine.” 

“Ffffffuck,” Carmy exhales, in complete disbelief that you really are being too cool about this. “Seriously?!” 

You laugh, incredulously this time, as you decide to give your boyfriend just a little of what he may be looking for. “No, but. It did-, it was weird for me… today. With Claire. And then later at the restaurant when Fak brought her up. I mean… you weren’t lying. News traveled fast,” you admit, much to Carmy’s relief. 

“Neighborhood’s small. That’s for sure,” he agrees, equally uncomfortable with how quickly that got around. 

“And… She is like… really pretty. And… what? About to be a doctor so I guess that means she’s really fuckin’ smart. I mean-,” you continue. 

It doesn’t take Carmy long to realize that you’re trying too, deciding it’s best to put you out of your misery sooner rather than later as he cuts you off with a playful, “Oh shut the fuck up.” 

It’s your turn to laugh this time as you lean in, pressing your lips to his. 

Carmy inhales, breathing you in as he tries to memorize the way you smell, the way you taste, the way your lips feel nestled so perfectly against his. He pulls away just for a moment, intent on telling you something. 

“You do, by the way,” Carmy says, his declaration soft but sure. “Have my heart, I mean.”

“I know, babe,” you reply, with a smile. “I know.”

—-------------------------------------

a/n: if you've been wondering where i've been, i've been here! just living a whole lot of life offline these days. would anyone be interested in reading my thoughts on life? anyways, i feel like a hiatus was good for me, and now i have all this life i've lived that's inspired me to write again. i've been channeling a lot of my creative energy into other projects which has felt great and it also feels really good to be back.

[mouseymilkovich]

First I wanted to tell you that I really love the way you write, you have me checking the app every minute. ✨️🤭

And second, I wanted to see if you'd like to write an idea that came to my head: it's about Carmy, maybe going to buy something or just walking around, who meets the reader (who is his first and great love), but due to different circumstances life separated them. They start talking and Carmy discovers that she got married, had a son and is now divorced and his eyes light up with this information.

Maybe he knows the reader's son in this integration or just knows of his existence

I'm really excited to see what you write (whether it's my request or not), I can't wait. 🌻❤️

oh yes. oh yes yes yes. i love this. the idea of step-dad!carmy???? yes. ALSO!!! THANK U SM

Content Tags: Uhhhh divorce mention ig??? Brief Claire mention too lol

Out of all the people in Chicago, Carmy had never expected to see you again. You were his first serious girlfriend— okay, his only serious girlfriend, considering how little time he'd spent dating between culinary school and now.

Of course, you'd forced yourself to move on with your life— you thought you'd probably never see Carmy again. You'd gotten married, had a kid, and now you were in the middle of a messy divorce. The worst part of things was deciding the custody of your son.

Your son, your beautiful son... Parker. Yes, you named him after your first love, Peter Parker... nobody else needed to know that, though.

Carmy had heard about your son through various people— Sugar, Richie, even Claire. Now, he was five years old, and you were going shopping to get school things for him. How much shit did a kindergartener need though, really?

Now, you weren't expecting to run into Carmy at Target. But you did. And you stared in silence at each other for a moment, before your son broke it.

"Mommy? You 'kay?" He asked.

You snapped out of your unintentional staring contest with Carmy, smiling a little at Parker. "Yeah, bud, mommy's fine."

"Who's dat?" He asked, looking over at Carmy curiously.

Carmy smiled awkwardly, anticipating how you would introduce him to your little boy.

"You this is mommy's friend, Carmen— almost everybody calls him Carmy, though." You explained with a little smile.

Friend.

"Uh, hi buddy. Yeah, I've known your mom for a real long time!" He nodded.

"Do you know my daddy too?" Parker asked Carmy curiously, tilting his little head.

"Oh, uh, no, bud. Sorry. I never met him. I'm sure I will though—"

"Probably... not." You muttered softly.

Carmy looked at you in confusion. Why would you not want him to meet your husband?

"We're in the middle of a divorce." You told Carmy quietly. You knew Parker knew, but you didn't exactly like talking about it in front of him.

"Oh— um, I'm sorry..." He replied softly, though it was hard to hide the excited gleam in his eye, hearing that you were newly single.

"It's... fine. I guess. Just... shit happens..." You muttered.

"Shit!" Parker repeated with a little giggle.

"Parker! No, you can't say that—" You said, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Parker, huh?" Carmy muttered, giving you a little smirk. "Wouldn't be after Peter Parker, would it?"

"Oh my god, so what if it is!" You laughed. "Shush. Nobody else has figured it out."

Carmy laughed softly, rolling his eyes. "So, um... just shopping?"

"School shopping. My boy's going to kindergarten!" You told Carmy with a proud, but slightly sad, smile.

"Damn... really?" He muttered softly. "Shit. Where's the time go?"

"I don't know..." You muttered with a little laugh.

You stood in silence for a moment. Finally, Carmy took a deep breath as he plucked up courage.

"Do you... wanna catch up? Over coffee or something? Sometime, I mean."

You were a little surprised by the question, but smiled. "Yeah... I'd like that."

"Can I come too?" Parker asked with big eyes.

You and Carmy both laughed, and you smiled at Carmy sweetly.

Carmy looked at Parker, and what he said just made your heart melt. "I would be honoured for you to join us, buddy."

Maybe this was the beginning of something better.

[chefkids]

How is Carmy going to apologize to Sydney?

The poster is out and as I suspected they're giving us ✨nothing✨ But what we do know from this is that Syd is going to be face to face with Carmy as soon as that door opens. Quick recap of this post of how their day went and how it's going to go. The day started and ended with Sydney's dad telling her "I love you chef." Carmy thinking about Claire. And then Sydney appears, then she stares at the bear.

I think this is going to be a cold open. Literally. Cold. Carmy and Syd are either going to say literally nothing to each other, or Carmy will try to apologize.

We've seen Carmy apologize in quite a few ways. Carmy apologized for being shitty to Sydney about her dish. Syd lied and said it was good between them. And as we know from what happened later, it was in fact, not good at all. Carmy then apologized for his behavior on the phone. She wasn't sure if she wanted to accept his apology until he offered her a whole new restaurant exactly how she wanted it. Family Style. Two tops, booths.

Then, Carmy brought in the I'm sorry sign. Which should really just be called the shut the fuck up and let's not talk about things sign. He gave Syd a shitty text apology for ditching her at Kasama. Then gave her another weak apology with the I'm sorry sign later for not calling her.

He gave the world's most insincere forced apology to Claire for "accidentally" giving her a fake number. He tried to say I'm sorry to Claire when his head was all over the place and she just told him to Never ever apologize. (which jokes on her now because as we know Carmy is apparently avoiding calling her to apologize)

He apologized to Sydney with the sign when they were arguing about the menu and told her he doesn't want to be shitty. And her response was just Okay, so don't be.

Carmy apologized for not knowing about Sydney's mom being dead and she tried to get him to stop because she thought he was pitying her when really he just felt bad he didn't know something that big about her life. Then Carmy apologized for being absent and not giving Syd his full focus telling her I'm sorry, not Claire's fault, which didn't really change much until he really listened to her and reassured her that everything was going to be okay and that he was there for her. Also a Thom Browne jacket doesn't hurt.

He threw one last weak I'm sorry sign for freaking out at her during service right before he got locked up.

We know that in Carmy's family he has been taught to apologize by saying I love you even when it's toxic af. He was forced to say it to his brother and mom when he was mad at them.

The words I love you played a huge role in the finale. From the voicemail Claire left Carmy to his fight with Richie. I love you started off as an apology but it's also used as a slap in the face when Richie tells him "I fucking love you" after comparing him to Donna and Carmy tells him "You fucking need me."

Which is basically Syd & Carmy's entire dynamic if you think about it. He needs her. He could not have made it through that night or built that restaurant without her. She knows that. He knows that. We know he's re entering a toxic chef era and falling back into bad family habits and being compared to Donna. I love you is lingering in his mind in so many different ways. So if he slips up and says the fucking words and tells Sydney Don't quit. I'm sorry. I love you. because that's the only way he's felt like he's been forgiven in his family, and then Sydney throws back a No, you just need me or just ignores it all together and says Whatever, we're good. because she feels he is weaponizing those words; because she knows when she heard her dad say them to her that day they were truly sincere. And in true Marcus fashion he'll probably interrupt them and the cold open ends there.

Hearing Claire say I love you in that voicemail, him not saying it back but telling Sydney I love you to try and get her to stay.... If Claire finds out that he did that.... DRAMA. Either way Carmy has been undoubtedly scrambling trying to think of what the fuck he could possibly tell Syd to make things right after he told her you're not alone and then left her alone.

Sydney at this point does not have much of a choice regardless of how well he apologizes, because she can't just quit this time. Her dad is proud of her and she knows everyone else is relying on her to keep their jobs. And it's not the first time she would be accepting his apology even if things weren't actually good between them. He's going to have to actually work for this apology and make things up to her in the long run. Because if Carmy doesn't want to be shitty he has to simply show that he's not shitty, not just say it or give her a gift.

[agentmilayawithshield]

So if...

Sydney seriously considers leaving in season 4 and Carmy concludes that she IS going away and has a massive meltdown, starting to ramble about needing her, and everyone, including Claire, sees that he's really pressed about her leaving, and WOW, that speech has a lot of romantic undertones, too bad that Sidney didn't hear it or pick up on that.

And someone tells him that she's not leaving yet and he needs to make it right, so he does and tells her he's going to do everything to make it up to her.

Then Sydney is back and they are doing okay, but she is paying attention to someone else all of a sudden (could be Luca hmmmm) and Carmy feels weird about it, but that could mean nothing.

And Claire breaks up with him because, wow, she is the third one in this situationship. And she tells him "You clearly think of her as your soulmate, you can't live without her, you LOVE her". And he goes "Nooooo...."

But then something happens (maybe Sydney goes on a date) and Carmy is freaking out and someone says "Bro she's not leaving the Bear, it's just a date." But he's like "I know that.", but the panic doesn't go away. So he's like "ohhhh....".

But Sydney doesn't discuss her dating life with him, so is she dating that person? (myb Luca, but she isn't dating anyone either way) He doesn't know, so he spends the rest of the season trying to give her everything she wants (for real this time) and everyone is like "Uhhh, he loves Sydney."

But she doesn't know and he's going ballistic and she is the only one that doesn't know. Until the time comes for the Bear to find out if they get a Star, and they don't get it, and Sydney is fine, but Carmy is so mad.

Until she finally asks him what's his deal and he says "I wanted it for you." And she says "It's fine I don't mind." And he's like "I want it for you." "Why?" " Because you're incredible, and you deserve everything. I love you and I want you to get everything you worked hard for, is that hard to imagine?" And then they kiss.

Then what?

[yannaryartside]

This is still all about Donna

The cyclical aspect of abuse ft Chef David

So, I wanted to add to the discussion why Carmy pursued the star so intensely, to the point of inflicting self-punishment and isolation. Why would he focus his whole identity on the evil chef after all those other beautiful experiences he also got to live?

I am going to talk on broad terms because I don’t have any studies in psychology, so you can take it all with a grain of salt; I am talking just from personal experience/instrospection. I am also not saying this applies to all victims of abuse or all types of abuse. I am talking mainly about domestic/psychological abuse.

WHY IT ALL STARTED

On the opening night, a particular set of chemicals created an explosion in Carmy's mind. He saw a man who resembled the chef who tortured him psychologically and abused him. So he goes back and starts a fight with Syd. She calms him down, but he feels lost and needs a pause, so he goes to the freezer but finds himself trapped. Then, the turmoil of flashbacks comes in of Donna and Chef David, while he thinks he failed his team and confirms the belief that he is indeed worthless, no good, and a waste of space. Donna installed this belief in Carmy, and Chef David revived it.

So he blames Claire, a relationship that (regardless of not being particularly deep or healthy) was bringing him happiness, and he decides to commit to the lie that he needs to sacrifice things that make him happy to be good (chef). At this point, Carmy has equated his worth as a human with his ability to produce a certain quality of work as a chef.

THE CYCLE

Maybe the most vile thing about abuse is its cyclical nature. If you have been abused, particularly since childhood, even if you manage to leave the environment where the abuse took place, there is a high chance you will end up in another abusive relationship/situation.

Abuse breaks your perception of self and the world around you; because of that, every relationship you have, or situation you establish will be defined by that broken perception.

Carmy grew up in an abusive household, believing there was something wrong with him that made his mother reject him and prefer his older brother. From what we can gather, none of Carmy's interests and personality traits were appreciated or encouraged in that house (besides cooking), so he was a child "terrified of speaking." He didn't have friends who could help him understand or accept himself; he missed that in very formative years. Michael (the brother he compared himself to) ended up being the real parental figure in his life (Michael divides himself between teasing him and encouraging him).

Carmy learns to love cooking because of his connection with Michael. Then Michael makes him feel rejected by casting him out. Carmy goes abroad and has really amazing experiences that allow him to know and accept himself. He gets to feel like a child again, finding and cultivating the things that he loves.

Then he finds a chef boss who is also abusive. Donna comes to life in the face of Chef David, and Carmy (who has become almost the best at this point and could have just left this place) accepts the abuse because he is afraid that both Donna and David are right, that there is something fundamentally wrong with him no matter how hard he tries.

So he goes into this season in freeze response, screaming at others because he can hear the evil chef in his head telling him how much of a waste of space he is; he needs to fight it, so he screams at everyone to have the same standard he has to obey or get killed. He is acting entirely out of fear that they are going to get him killed because they are “not perfect” or “too slow.” Because he can still feel the threat of the ghost of Chef David saying horrible things to him as he cooks. This is about self-preservation.

Also, isolation is a form of self-punishment, and he believes he needs to resolve this on his own.

THE CLAIRE PART-SELF PUNISHMENT

He tells himself that he cannot be with Claire because that is who he is and that he doesn't deserve such a good thing if it endangers the only thing that brings him value, cooking. He doesn't deserve this love that, for the first time, doesn't seem to require a big amount of sacrifice on his part. He spent most of the season reminiscent of that affection. He said she brought her peace, but I think he just meant she didn't feel worthless for once. It looks like not having girlfriends or friends (lack of meaningful connections that accept him for who he is) is a big source of insecurity for him.

The relationship was empty and superficial but was the best he had ever felt; Claire made him feel like there was nothing wrong with him, (to the point of being an enabler, yes), but it was still better for him than feeling rejected most of his life.

His most significant relationships (Mickey and Donna and sometimes Nat and Richie) were based on a push-and-pull mechanic that created an emotional distance, and he has spent most of his life trying to earn his mother's love, while he felt he didn't have to make an effort to earn Claire's love, even the most basic emotional responsibility (never apologize). The show even showed you that the relationship between Claire and Carmel would have happened if she hadn't done most of the work, emotional or otherwise.

Case in point: Sydney, a person with whom he has a lot in common, an unspoken telepathy, and a bond that can get him out of panic attacks (his previous unhealthy beliefs), is the person with whom he has the most trouble establishing a relationship because of the plot (based on his mental health), even after three seasons.

That was a lot, thank you for reading.

[junabyclairo]

6 with carmyyyyy (:

"slut!"

word count: 299

warnings: kinda angsty, mentions of cl*ire

a/n: im sorry if this is kinda shitty im not really good at dialogue but im trying :)

after being with carmen for months and keeping your relationship private, the two of you had decided to finally start “presenting” yourselves in public. dressing up to the nines and just being together. that was, until claire saw him. once you saw how they interacted (like they were in love), it broke you. you had thought that yours and carmy’s love was permanent, like placing your handprints in wet cement. a public declaration of love to each other. 

“no! she really is a slut!” you overheard claire saying. “i swear, i’ve seen her with other men before, like, a lot of them.” she laughed out. 

you couldn’t believe it. you hadn’t been out with someone else in… awhile, but it doesn’t matter, right? you knew what was true, and so did he. maybe being called a slut would be worth it for once? 

“this,” gesturing between the two of you, “is just a big mistake!” you said, tears welling up in your eyes. “it’s just going to blow up later anyways-”

“wait-” carmen said, before walking to stand in front of you. “w-what’s bringing this on? we were having fun together earlier, weren’t we?”  

“i mean yeah, but-” you let out a sigh, “didn’t you hear what your little friend said earlier about me?” you sneered at the thought of her. 

“baby, you think i would believe that? you’ve been with me almost constantly for almost six months, i know you haven’t been with anyone else.” you went to sit on his couch, curling into yourself, trying to make yourself as small as possible. 

“s’ok baby,” he wrapped his arms around you, “i only want you, i don’t care what she or anyone else says. i know you want me, and that’s enough.” 

maybe he really was a gentleman.

[butchcarmy]

ahhh !!!!!

NSFW but I just read your sub carmy and sex scene with Claire thoughts back to back because I’m obsessed with your posts

Idk if it would be sub Carmy or just inexperienced Carmy, 🙈🙈

but just, like being his first blowjob (ew I’ve never typed that before it feels criminal) and seeing him not know what he should grip so he’s like trying not to hold your hair or hurt you and how embarrassed he would be if it didn’t take long and just him being relaxed afterwards because my boy needs a break

I know he’s just a man but I require him to breathe

TEEHEE thanks so much friend! I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying my stuff, it means so much!!

And as for sub carmy or inexperienced carmy… WHY NOT BOTH! I think he’d just be grabbing at the sheets like a mad man, white knuckling it, until you tell him to grab your hair.

tags bc I got carried away: MDNI🔞, sub/virgin carmy, deepthroating, oral (bj)

“You can put your hands in my hair, y’know,” you tell him. Carmy can barely stand to look at you, glossy lips kissing up the length of his spit-slicked cock. It’s too much for his brain to process, to handle.

“I—I don’t wanna hurt you,” he breathes, and he uncurls his cramping fingers from the sheets.

“It’s okay. Really.” You gently take his hands towards your hair, and he shakily settles his palms there. One of his hands roots itself carefully in your hair, and the other’s brushing strands out of your face.

“Tell me if it hurts?” He asks.

“Sure,” you say dismissively, and he’s about to object before you add, “but maybe I want you to hurt me a little.”

“Fucking hell,” he curses under his breath, your words going straight to his groin. He twitches in your hand.

“Don’t come yet,” you warn him. “I want you to come in my mouth. And don’t be gentle. Do you understand?”

“Shit, yes, I understand,” he whimpers. His hands tighten in your hair reflexively, and you moan quietly in approval.

“Good boy,” you purr, and you swallow the entire length of his cock.

“Oh my—oh my god—“ Carmy sucks in a sharp breath and keeps it there, his body tightening around the wet heat of your mouth. The tip of his cock is hitting the back your throat, and you’re fucking swallowing, gagging on it, and his hands are gripping your hair so tight it’s sure to hurt, but you’re moaning, god, you’re moaning so beautifully around his cock and it feels, it feels—

Your nose is pressed against his stomach as he comes down your tight throat, his tip pushed up right against it. Tears bead at the corner of his eyes from the force of his orgasm, blinding and overwhelming. Through it all, through his pretty whines and gasps, he holds you down on his cock.

When his fingers finally loosen and you slip off his soft cock, the sight of you threatens to turn him on again. Spit runs down your chin, and your lips are reddened and plump from sucking him off. Tear tracks mark your cheeks.

“You were perfect,” you say, voice hoarse. “Good boy.”

Fucking hell.

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: Carmy and Sydney’s Michelin Star Talk

This is another one of my favorite scenes between Carmen and Sydney. It’s in S2E2, and they are at his apartment, working on the new menu.

Sydney asks Carmy about the moment he got the 3 Michelin stars call when was the CDC at the restaurant in New York, the highest honor for any restaurant in the world.

What struck me about this scene, apart from the playful banter into this moment, was how Carmy immediately gushes out his answer after Sydney asks him this question. She’s genuinely interested and, literally, a little star struck, and he in turn seems like he’s so unburdened to finally be able to talk to someone about this major moment in his life.

We know that when Carmy was the CDC at Eleven Madison Park, he was horribly abused on a daily basis by his boss, the Executive Chef. Carmy had the completely arduous task of leading the kitchen while under extreme duress, and to such a degree that he was able to retain the highest honor in his industry. The stress of it all we know, made him physically sick, everyday. We also know at this time, Michael wasn’t speaking to him, and it’s unlikely his family understood what he was going through in this moment. He was going through monumental highs and lows, without any support, and completely alone.

He probably has never had the chance to process it or think about it, let alone talk about it.

When Carmy comes home for Christmas in the flashback of S2E6, we see almost everyone, and especially his mom, give him guff and make fun of him for being a “big time chef….too fancy for us.” Carmy was in Copenhagen at the time and not in New York yet, but he’s going through exciting, transformative, life changing moments which no one in his family bothers to ask about or talk to him about. It must have been incredibly painful to not only not be able to share and talk about it, but to be made fun of for it, instead of being told, “good job”, which, as he shares in S1E8, was one thing he wanted to hear from his brother, so badly.

Sydney asks him about his experience because she genuinely wants to listen to him speak about this moment. She doesn’t just ask what it was like, she asks him, “how did it feel?” He immediately pours out his answer in such a way that made me think, my gosh, probably no one has ever asked him about it before. It’s terribly sad that until now no one has cared enough to show interest, and it must have made him feel so lonely to not be able to express himself or what this moment meant to him.

Now Sydney is here though, and she allows him the space in this moment to be vulnerable and heard. His answer perhaps isn’t what she thought it would be, but it’s honest.

Sydney understands the high level of the restaurants where Carmy has worked and what he has achieved professionally, and she admires him for it. She also understands on a much deeper level because he unknowingly fed her while he was the CDC in New York and she was his guest. Sydney’s eaten Carmy’s 3 Michelin star award winning food, and it was the best meal she’s ever had. He just doesn’t know it yet.

In S1E2, when the staff is cleaning the kitchen and Carmy mentions Noma, Marcus says “Noma’s the shit, huh?” Both Carmy and Sydney say “the best”, at the exact same time.

In terms of being understood, this contrasts starkly with Carmy’s conversation with Claire in another kitchen—the kitchen of the party house in S2E5. She mentions he was in France, he gently corrects her and says Copenhagen. She says, “go to Noma?”, he says, “worked at Noma.” Claire says, “I heard it’s alright” and he responds with “it’s pretty good”. This exchange stuck out to me when I first heard it. Is she sarcastically joking about Noma being just “alright”, or does she not know about its exceptional reputation? Either way she doesn’t ask Carmy any questions about it and then changes the subject.

After Carmy tells Sydney about his Michelin star call and the moment that immediately followed when he had to prepare to serve the U.N. Security Council, his face holds onto the memory of the moment and you can see it felt so good for him to express himself and talk about it. He probably hasn’t thought about it in a long time. He looks reflective and dare I say, proud. He then looks at Sydney, and they smile at each other. It’s quick, but he looks so grateful to her for allowing him to talk about this moment and also that she really, truly listened.

It’s these sweet little moments between the two of them that really make an impact because in these moments, they allow each other to share experiences that only a few people in the world would actually understand. Just like their sign language, the way they understand each other creates a form of communication and expression that is just between them.

I don’t think she realizes it, but Sydney asking Carmy this question, and by genuinely listening to and caring about his answer, she fed and nourished a part of him that had been starved for so long, just like he fed her.

©️moments-on-film 2023

[drrav3nb]

Carmy reacting to Claire's message/giving her a fake number vs Carmy reacting to Sydney's message and her having his real number

There's so much I could say about this. The first thing I want to point out is that Carmy gives Claire a fake number, not by accident but knowingly. She must've known this as throughout the season she asks him why and even asks him if it's even okay that she has his number.

Meanwhile, with Sydney it's established in season one that they already exchanged numbers as they're texting each other in the final episode. Now, they do work together and colleagues, especially business partners are going to need each other's contact information in order to discuss things.

But Carmy doesn't seem bothered by Sydney having his number, in fact in E5, he asks Sydney why she didn't call him about a problem that happened at the restaurant. And you can see a chain of text messages in E3 where they jest about Fak not having the proper tools. So then that begs the question as to why Claire having his number was such a big deal and why Carmy was so against it?

Like I mentioned before Claire brings this up a lot and Carmy either ignores it or answers her by not really addressing the question. He obviously didn't want her to have his number, as he's very surprised when she ends up calling his real number. This means that if she didn't chase his real number down by asking Fak, then they would've never reconnected or had a relationship this season, something Carmy might not have wanted. And honestly, it really did feel like Claire pushed the idea of a relationship on to him.

Then there's the differences in Carmy's reactions to Sydney's messages vs Claire's. I was genuinely surprised that when Claire gave him encouragement for passing the fire suppression test he looked at it like it was nothing, not a smile, not even a reply, just a blank expression. This is his 'girlfriend' and her encouragement means very little to him apparently.

Then there's Sydney. Though we didn't get to see them text often this season, or his reaction to her messages. Last season, we saw him smiling like a teenager when she told him to shove his idea up his ass. Now, the fact that Carmy texted Sydney before opening Mikey's letter shows just how important their relationship is to him, he couldn't fathom reading what his brother wrote him without first mending their own broken partnership. In a way, them mending their relationship was the encouragement he needed to open the letter and HE is the one that reaches out for that, HE is the one that texts Sydney first.

So yeah, that's all I have really. I noticed it and I thought I'd share my thoughts on here. I'd love to hear what everyone else thinks!

[yellowharrington]

jaded - chapter 4, carmy berzatto x reader

pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx

warnings: smoking mention, minors dni with this story please.

word count: 2k

a/n: ok literally i am the worst ever and i totally didn't finish this fic even tho i started it so im finally posting the last part literally MONTHS later!!! sorry besties but i couldn't have an unfinished fic out there in the world so... if u fuck w this story at all thank u for reading it and all the encouraging and nice things people have said, it literally made me want to complete this fic so thank u <3

summary: tying up loose ends.

and it's a fuckin' shame that it ended like that you broke your own heart, but you'd never say that we went to hell, but we never came back

masterlist | chapter 3

It all just feels numb.

Sun coming up over the horizon and a light snowfall onto the street below. Your home is quiet, no pans in the kitchen making French omelettes, no TV playing outside the bedroom door as you sleep. No toothbrushing in the bathroom or running shower water, warm and steamy, inviting you in.

It’s not that you weren’t expecting his answer. Or, lack thereof. It’s that he couldn’t make up his fucking mind. First, he’s cooking you an omelette in your favourite pan with a cup of coffee made exactly the way you like it. He’s spending every evening on the couch with you, your hands splayed out against his stomach, comfortable beneath the waistband of his sweats. You’re in his sweater, baking fresh warm cookies so he can have one before bed, smudges of chocolate against your lips as he pushes you up against the counter, hot skin on cold tile.

Next, he has that look on his face, where he’s somewhere else. Thinking of her, in a dreamland where he can make it right again, and it all feels like it comes crashing down. The sweet nothings don’t exist in this realm, there’s no happiness here.

And when you do have to face him on Monday, it’s back to cold shoulder, nothing different. Yes chef, no chef, thank you chef. 

Sydney tries to make conversation, and you feel bad because you won’t bitch about Carmy like you usually would. Richie’s having secret meetings with Natalie, probably more about Claire, but you don’t even think to join in. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much, and it’s hard enough to go outside and take a fucking break from it all, let alone be in the same cramped kitchen with him. There’s no solitude, just aching, just disappointment.

“Did you order me a new cake pan, chef?” It’s directed at Tina, who looks up at you with the same wistful softness as she always does, smiling before nodding in your direction. You don’t hear her slide over to you, but when she suddenly appears at your station, you can tell she just knows something’s wrong.

“What’s up with you?” she asks, clipboard finding it’s way to the counter beside you, where a piping bag lays. “You’re not yourself. Something… wrong. Don’t tell me a boy did this to you.” The tears prick at your eyes and you swallow it all before you can get out a word, because yeah, it all fucking aches and the hurt feels like it’s sitting right behind your eyes, in your throat, ready to come out.

“It’s nothing. It is a boy but, boys are stupid and I’m not gonna cry over one,” you sniffle, before untying your apron and letting it hang loose on your body. “Not worth it.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Your blood runs cold when she gestures just outside to the bright light of the door, where Carmy sits, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.

Luckily the kitchen is empty when you reply, only so she can hear, “how did you know?”

“I saw the way you looked at him this morning.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Fuck no. Between you and me, chef.”

You sighed relief, letting your front hit the counter as the stress left your body. “Thank fuck. Yeah, I don’t know, we were-“

“Fuckin’?” Tina’s got a sly smile on her face that makes it impossible not to laugh with her.

“Yeah, I guess. It felt like more than that. But apparently he’s still hung up on Claire so, I guess that ends it.”

She exhales slowly, joining you in a lean against the counter. “Jeff makes mistakes, everyone knows that. He’s moody and sad and he’s got fuckin’ problems, that kid, I tell ya.” She pauses for a second, eyes meeting yours, sincere. “But he’s good. I just don’t think he can handle himself, is all.” She takes a beat, letting her soft hand lay over yours, “He doesn’t let himself have the good shit because it always gets ruined. But you’re good. He’s scared of you.”

“He should be scared of me. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” you mutter, letting your floured hand meet your forehead in annoyance. “I’m not responsible for fixing his shit.”

She nods, agreeing with you, a hand cupping yours on the counter. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying he could use someone like you to bring him back to Earth, is all.”

-

When Carmy does make it back inside, he’s thumbing through paperwork at the desk, hand through his hair stressfully pulling at the strands. He’s trying so hard not to stare at you from where he’s sitting, noticing your cold gaze, somewhere far away. He takes out his phone to scroll through it mindlessly, procrastinating, when he meanders his way to the text icon and opens up your thread. A few texts here and there, mostly just asking about plans to come over, the occasional sexy photo or recipe idea.

[sunday, 10:26] they don't have fresh sourdough. should we just make some this aft?

[saturday, 4:35] i hate when you go in on saturdays

[saturday, 4:36] Photo Recieved

[saturday 4:36] don't you wish you were home with me?

[tuesday, 12:22] is balsamic glaze overdone? lmk. miss u.

It feels a little too domestic, seeing the way he so effortlessly became comfortable with you, a warmth and excitement that was just never there with Claire. It’s raw and it’s guilty and he’ll beat himself up over it forever, but it was never going to be perfect with her, no matter how hard he tried.

“Boss?”

Richie appears in the office, leaning against the door frame before noticing Carmy’s disheveled look. “Yeah?”

“You look worse than usual.”

“Thanks. What do you need?”

“Well, I was gonna ask if you ordered more eggs.”

“I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think Sydney did.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

It’s like Richie could see right through him.

“Nothin’. Stupid shit.”

Richie steps into the office, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

“Cousin.”

Richie can be sweet when he wants to be, and when he’s got a hand on Carmy’s shoulder and a somber look in his eyes it’s like he already knows how Carmy feels.

“Why do I suck so bad at being a fuckin’ normal person?”

Richie sits next to him, a look of surprise. “Is this about Claire bear?”

“Yes, well - yeah, and also no. Kinda. I don’t know.”

“Is it about Miss Buttercream out there?”

He gestures to you outside the door, zesting some orange on top of the cake you were finishing up. Carmy stifles a laugh.

“We all know you’re porkin’ her.”

“Don’t say that,” Carmy laughs, hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been kinda, dating, I guess? I still don’t know what counts as having a girlfriend.”

“So what did you do?”

He gnaws at the skin of his thumb and lets his eyes flicker up to Richie’s. “Fucked it. Last night, I, uh,-“ his hand finds his warm forehead. “I really like her, like a lot. But she asked about Claire and I said the wrong thing, like I always do and uh, she didn’t like it.”

“She’s good,” Richie starts, letting his hands find his aproned thighs as he sits at the corner of the desk. “Claire was good for you too. But she didn’t… get it. Not like she does,” he gestured vaguely to your station outside the door. “Claire was never gonna get the restaurant and the kitchen and the fuck of it all.”

Richie's hand extends to cup Carmy's shoulder.

“Look, do whatever you want, but there isn’t really someone who matches you like she does. Claire’s history now, drunk phone calls don’t mean she’s still in love with you. If that’s what you were thinking.”

Carmy sits back in the creaky chair. “Nah, not that. I just don’t know how to do it right.”

“It’s not about doing it right,” Richie’s got sincerity in his eyes. “It’s about fuckin’… trying shit. Just go and make a move and see.” Carmy watches you hang up your apron on the hook and grab a hoodie before fucking outside. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks Richie.”

“Good luck.”

- 

“I’m sorry.”

Carmy’s voice takes you out of your trance as you stare into the back alley of the restaurant. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?”

“You can talk, I’ll listen.”

The crackle of his lighter, orange flame against white snow. You can see his breath slipping from between his lips as he exhales out of the corner of your eye.

“I feel like a fuckin’ asshole,” he starts, plunging his other hand in his pocket. “I don’t know what to say.” A beat. “Can you look at me?” It’s gentle, a question, not a demand.

You turn to look at him. Cold blue eyes, darkened by the brightness around you. “You’re not second best to me. You’re it, this is it. I like this, I, I fuckin’,” he takes a breath, “I love… this. I want this.”

“You hurt my feelings, Carmen,” tears brimming your eyes and coating your lashes. “If you’re not done with Claire, I don’t… I don’t care. If I am your second choice, fine.” 

“You’re not.”

“Even if I was. But don’t fuck me around if you don’t want me.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? You weren’t sure last night.”

“I get it if you don’t trust me. I get it. I haven’t given you a reason to.” He searches for the right words, but chooses to take a tentative step towards you. “I’ll beg for you,” he’s quiet, unlike Carmy. “Anything.”

Your eyes meet his briefly, a soft smile pulling at your lip. “I’m not saying yes, okay?” He nods. “But I am saying I would appreciate a ride home tonight. If you’re serious.”

“I’m serious.”

“Good.”

-

The walk up to your apartment is easy. His heavy steps behind your light ones, hands sliding up the bannister as you unlock your door. He’s on your heels, a little behind. When he steps in your apartment, it’s familiar. Browned butter, vanilla, laundry. 

“Do you want dinner?” He’s tentative, letting his shoes sit next to yours on the mat. His jacket goes up on the hooks by the door, together. 

“Are you offering?”

“Yes.”

Carmy shows love through food, that’s how he always is. You can tell he’s feeling particularly sorry about it all because he’s bringing out a big pasta pot and a saucepan, pulling the only fresh ingredients left in your place and putting them next to the stove top. Your t-shirt finds its way into the laundry basket, an old sweater thrown over your bare skin.

You hate how normal it all feels, because it’s scary. To think of a domestic life with him, where there’s another girl lingering in the background of his thoughts that he has unfinished business with. Insecurities of who is better, prettier, happier, warmer… if he had the chance, would he leave? Would he jump ship?

He sits next to you while you eat, thighs against thighs, and comfortable silence blanketing your small apartment. He hasn’t gotten into one of the many pairs of pyjamas he’s left at your place, or taken his usual after-work shower, or taken out the frozen cookie dough to thaw. You can tell he’s not sure if he’s welcome here for good, yet.

When your food is done, he pushes the plates away and takes a calloused hand to wrap around yours. There’s sharpie marks small knife cuts on his fingers. 

“Are you gonna stay the night?” You ask, still not meeting his gaze. 

“Am I welcome to?” He doesn’t sound like himself, and you can feel his warm breath near the top of your head as you turn towards him. Your body collapses a little then, folding slightly at the middle to have your head fall right into the centre of his chest.

“Yes, Carmen,” you nod, letting your eyes flicker up to meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.”

His hand slipped from yours then, sliding around your side and up your back. He pulled you into his embrace, lips wrapped around yours in a soft capture. Your hands found their way under his t-shirt, only slightly, his warm skin against the palms of your hands, pulling him impossibly closer. 

And when you lay in bed with him that night, your face burrowed into the softness of his chest, you know the days of waking up alone are over. 

[etherealising]

idk how request, I hope you understand ^^

could you do one about michael and baby having their cute moments but carmy misunderstanding everything?

english is not my first language, sorry 😭😭

in the arms of another

a/n: bestie i promise your english is just fine please don’t apologize. also i’m sending you all the internet kisses for this request because i’ve missed writing baby x mikey content so much!!! maybe not as cute as you may have wanted but i still hope you enjoy! 🫶🏽

warning(s): substance use | mention of drugs and alcohol | drunk/high reader | angst | undertone of sa (nothing too outta pocket, a non consensual kiss) | minimal editing |

wc: 4.3k (what can i say, i missed them)

You lost Carmy in the crowd mere moments after collecting your diploma, part of you couldn’t seem to care considering how rocky things became between the two of you but you were also a bit overwhelmed with the amount of your classmates who kept stopping to share in the success that was graduating high school.

Most of the people you stopped to take pictures with had rarely ever spoken to you during the 4 years you shared, considering the occasion you hadn’t minded the first couple of pictures you stopped for, but now you were ready to find your mom and the Berzattos and leave.

It was a few moments more before you heard the familiar drawl of Richie’s voice, he was always loud and you never appreciated that more than in this moment. You spun around a few times to try and spot him, finding the whole group of people standing a few ways off, Carmy had better luck than you did seeing as he was already standing there getting congratulations from every which way.

Smiling you began making your way through the other families apologizing along the way as accidentally bumped into people. Mikey was the first person to spot your approach, his eyes finding yours over Carmy’s head as he spoke to him. The wide smile took over your face instantaneously his own seeming to match yours, you picked up the pace trying to reach him as soon as possible.

Your hand raised in an excited wave, Mikey’s returning wave caused Carmy to turn as well a small smile growing on his face the closer you got to them, his hand raising in a shy wave as you approached. You hadn’t given Carmy a second glance as you brushed past him to leap into Mikey’s awaiting arms.

Carmy tried not to let the hurt show on his face as you ignored his presence, Mikey spun you around in his arms the sounds of your melodic laugh mixed with Mikey’s rough one felt like the only thing he could hear. He did his best to keep the smile on his face, ignoring the apologetic look Nat sent his way by bending down to pick up your cap that fell to the ground from all the excitement.

He hated to admit it but he understood the cold shoulder you were adamant on giving him. After that day at The Beef things were never the same, upon returning to Claire he’d tried his best to shut down whatever was transpiring between them but couldn’t allow himself to break two hearts in one day. And while he was doing his best to spare Claire’s feelings all it did was push you into the arms of his brother.

The more you distanced yourself from Carmy, the more time you spent with Mikey. Carmy tried to convince himself there was nothing untoward going on between the two of you but between the quiet laughter and the shared jokes he was beginning to feel paranoid. And now he stood there like a loser watching his best friend, the only person he ever wanted to share his joy with again, cling to his older brother like a lifeline.

You squealed as Mikey roughly set you back on the ground, hands falling to his biceps as you smiled at him. “Don’t tell me you shaved for a little graduation ceremony.” One of your hands settling against the slight stubble on his cheek.

Mikey’s response was mute to your ears as rough hands gripped your head, the smell of Richie’s cologne invaded your senses as he began plastering chaste kisses all over your face, one hand removing its grip as he raised a disposable camera to snap a picture of the two of you,

The sound of Nat’s annoyed sigh reached your ears as she shoved her way between you and Richie a look of disgust on her face at Richie’s overdramatic display of affection. “You grew up so fast Baby,” Her arms pulled you into a gentle hug against her chest the two of you rocking back and forth in each other’s arms before she pulled back the proud smile on her face telling you all you needed to know. “We need pictures though.” She gave a soft pat to your backside as you walked away to find your mom and aunt.

You gathered with your small family for pictures, wiping your mom's tears of joy as the three of you posed together. You did your best to hold your tears at bay, thankful your mom was still around to enjoy this moment with you. You felt a bit resigned as your aunt stepped out of frame after a few shots, watching silently as she motioned good-naturedly for Carmen to take her place.

Things between the two of you were the weirdest they’d ever been, with the whole prom debacle a few weeks ago you made it your mission to be alone with him as little as possible. He stepped towards you eyes everywhere but your face, the tension between the two of you was obvious but thankfully everyone ignored it in the same way you did.

It was hard to feel any resentment towards him as he tentatively reached up, his hands delicately fixing your dropped cap atop your head. You sent him a small smile before turning to face the camera, a genuine smile coming to your face.

Rounds of photos later, each with a different participant and you were almost begging to leave, but the sound of Donna’s voice rang through your ears. “Just Bear and Baby now! Our two high-school graduates where’d the fucking time go.”

You couldn’t say no to Donna, and even if you did it's not like you had a believable reason as to why you didn’t want to be pictured alone with Carmy. The two of you got in position next to each other, neither of you moving to bridge the space between the two of you, both deciding to don awkward poses holding up your diplomas.

“Oh c’mon act like you love each other!” The words were mumbled through a cigarette but you knew Donna expected more from the two of you.

A reluctant sigh left you as you stepped closer to Carmy arm brushing his. You looked in his direction for a moment rolling your eyes at the blush on his cheeks. You reached out forcefully handing him your diploma as you fixed his uneven stole. You locked eyes, your heart speeding up just by staring at him, of course, you were still hurt by his actions but you couldn’t deny the soft spot you’d always have for him.

The urge to caress his cheek surged through you, but instead, you carefully took your diploma from his grip. Your hand fell to wrap around his as a small sincere smile rose to your lips, “I’m proud of you Carm.” The words were softly spoken between the two of you, you sent him one last smile before turning back for the last few pictures.

The backyard of the Berzatto family household was overrun with disposable cups and plates scattered around the various folding tables. A surprise graduation party for you and Carmy took place there after the ceremony, though most everybody had cleared out by now the backyard relatively empty.

You stumbled your way to the backyard after seeing Hayden off, soft giggles escaping you every few minutes or so. You’d spent the party socializing mostly with The Beef family and friends, a few of Carmy’s family members, and neighbors who’d joined the celebration, Claire and Hayden joined the party after some time with their own families. The night was mostly spent explaining your plans for college a hundred times over to all the curious adults who’d offered various forms of unsolicited advice.

Richie had been your saving grace though as he’d offered you drinks sporadically throughout the night he reasons that you deserved to celebrate. He’d cut you off before things got too far lecturing you about how Mikey and your mom would kill him if he got you drunk. So you spent the remainder of your night slightly tipsy enjoying yourself more than you probably would have.

The poisonous liquid even opened you up to spending time around Carmy. You knew he’d had a drink of his own but you weren’t sure if he continued like you had. But what sent you over the edge was the joint Hayden brought that the two of you snuck away to smoke. You’d had your fair share of drinks but you’d never been high before, and while all it seemed to do at first was make you a giggly mess, you found that you now had trouble getting your limbs to work properly.

You made your way safely to the backyard by placing your hand on the gate and following its path, eyes glued to the dirt beneath your sandals incessant giggles leaving you. The path illuminated as you stepped through the garden gate. You spotted Mikey and Richie moving around the backyard trash bags in hand as they cleaned up.

“You guysss.” Even to your ears, your voice didn’t sound like your own, your words drawn out the tone more high pitched.

More giggles escaped you as you began trying to skip over to the older men, whatever control over your equilibrium completely gone as your legs gave out knees connecting with the dirt, hands doing little to stop your fall as your body met the ground.

You didn’t even bother lifting yourself, instead rolling over as full belly laughs wracked your body, the lack of oxygen to your brain extending your high. You could feel someone tugging at your arms trying to pull you off the ground, laughs worsening tenfold as you felt like a rag doll gravity keeping your dead weight on the ground as hands fought to pull you up.

“Hey c’mon get up.” At the sound of Mikey’s voice, you let out an excited squeal finally helping him.

Mikey stumbled as you energetically rose arms tightly wrapping around his neck, head leaning into his chest as you divulged into another spell of giggles. You allowed him to gently remove your arms from around his neck taking a step back to check you a whispered curse leaving him as he motioned for Richie.

You tuned their voices out hands moving to try and play with Mikey’s hair, the inky tendrils were mesmerizing under the fairy lights, and you pouted as Mikey kept dodging your assault.

“Why the fuck do you smell like weed?” Mikey’s question stole your attention, your eyes darting between him and Richie a sly smile gracing your face as you raised your index finger to your lips in a shushing motion before you began to lose your balance once more but the firm almost harsh grip on your bicep steadied you. “Are you fucking high right now? Was it that fuckin’ loser who’s always on your ass?”

You scoffed at Mikey a sneer taking over your features, “Are you?” The backyard was silent, Richie stood watching the scene play out uncomfortably before your laughter started up once again. You weren’t privy to the hurt that flashed across Mikey’s face before he led you to sit down, kneeling in front of you to check out your scrapped-up knees. You watched on in silence gently swaying back and forth as you hummed.

Carmy walked into the kitchen to find Richie rummaging around as he quietly cursed to himself, the sound of Carmy’s footsteps alerted him to his presence, “Yo where the fuck is the first aid kit?” The anger in Richie’s voice confused Carmy as he shrugged deciding to help him look.

“Dunno, what’d ya need it for?” Carmy couldn’t pretend to know how Donna organized everything in the house, the only thing he had free reign over was his bedroom.

Richie slammed a cabinet in frustration, “Baby’s fucking high, probably drunk too. I don’t know why she hangs around that stupid fucking kid he’s bad news.”

Carmy frowned, he remembered watching you wander off somewhere with Hayden but he couldn’t remember you coming back and maybe he got you high, but Richie was the one who allowed you to drink in the first place so the blame was equally his. “Is she okay, why do we need the first-aid kit? And why the fuck did you even let her drink in the first place.” Carmy’s head swam with negative thoughts.

Richie stopped his search hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose the last thing he needed was Carmy and his fucking teenage angst being misguided towards him. Richie knew he shouldn’t have allowed you to drink as much as you did, but he didn’t see a problem with it considering it was supervised, how the fuck was he supposed to know you’d run off and get high. Before Richie could give the youngest Berzatto a piece of his mind his phone began to ring, the chime he designated for Tiff rang through his ears. He let out a quiet sigh as he dug his phone out of his pocket.

“Find the fuckin’ first aid kit and take it outside to Mikey.” Carmy’s eyes followed the direction Richie pointed his hand in before walking off. Eyes landing on you and Mikey, the older man settled in front of you on bended knee hand carefully massaging into your calf as he looked over your knee, your head raised to the night sky a smile of bliss on your lips.

You gazed up at the sky wondering what it must feel like to be a star, a feeling of contentment washing over you the longer you stared up at them. After a while, your head lulled to the side before your eyes found Mikey body still kneeling in the dirt before you.

“Mikey,” you waited as he let out a soft hum, his fingers carefully digging the pebble out of the skin of your knee. “Will you dance with me?”

Mikey let out a sigh, his earlier annoyance washed away the longer he realized you were safe, that even though you were crossfaded you still had the mind to return to him. He rose, knees thankful to be out of the kneeling position as he held his hand out to you to indulge your desire.

You stood on shaky legs allowing the older man to guide you to the center of the backyard, the only thing you could do in your inebriated state was sway back and forth, the weightlessness of your body forcing Mikey to guide the both of you. All was quiet, your cheek found purchase on Mikey’s chest at some point, and the sound of his heartbeat lulled you into a sense of calmness.

The night air was warm as the two of you swayed for what felt like an eternity, your hands moved from their place around Mikey’s waist to tightly wrap around his neck, eyes finding his. “Why doesn’t Carmy love me the way I love him?”

Mikey frowned unsure of what to say, you still looked gone out of your mind. A smile still playing on your lips, but the question you asked him was the direct opposite of every feeling present on your face. “Baby,” a tired sigh left him. “You’re kids, you’ve got your whole life to figure this shit out.”

You laughed, nothing Mikey said was funny you just couldn’t stop the urge to laugh at every little thing. Your fingers began unconsciously playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, for as long as you’d known Mikey you hadn’t realized just how handsome he was. You knew he attracted plenty of people but you’d never given much thought to it until now, seeing his face glow under the fairy lights.

Mikey’s side profile lit up showing off his chiseled jaw, his eyes roaming the back door trying to figure out what the fuck was taking Richie so long to find the first-aid kit.

After minutes of searching, Carmy finally decided to grab the first-aid kit from the guest bathroom before returning to the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks just as he made it to the back door fingers tightly gripping the plastic in his hand as he watched you and Mikey in the center of the backyard, eyes wide heart beating rapidly in his chest.

Carmy’s eyes moved from Mikey’s hands on your waist, to your hands wrapped around his neck fingers in his freshly trimmed hair before his eyes landed on the way your lips seemed to find solace against the oldest Berzatto’s.

He couldn’t stand to look at the two of you any longer, his feet leading him back into the kitchen carelessly dropping the first-aid kit to the counter as his hands gripped the marble. His mind raced with all the ways he might have imagined what he had just seen. He did his best to ignore the sound of Richie’s voice as he finally returned, his grating Chicago accent asking about the stupid fucking first-aid kit before snatching it off the counter himself and moving to exit the house.

“Oh…shit.” Carmy had never thought in all his years of knowing Richie that the man was capable of whispering, but as he stood there trying to convince himself he’d made the whole scene up he knew it was null and void from Richie’s reaction alone.

Carmy moved back into the shadow of the kitchen as the back door opened, your quiet giggles filtering through his ears as you entered the house, a soft ‘goodnight Richie’ followed as you walked past him to head wherever you were going. Carmy watched you make your way to the stairs, his hands shaking as he tried to get a hold of his anger, the sight of you tripping up the stairs a catalyst for the damn that held his emotions back.

Without a second thought, he pushed past Richie making his way outside to find Mikey sitting down, head in his hands. “You robbing the fucking cradle now huh?” He ignored Richie’s plea to calm down not even wanting to be around either of these two fucking losers.

Mikey raised his head exhaustion clear on his face, “Go to bed Carmy.” His tone was dismissive as he stood from his position to continue his cleaning.

The casual way Mikey ignored him pissed Carmy off even more, “Why the fuck would you kiss her Mikey? What the fuck is your problem man!”

Carmy did his best to shrug off Richie’s touch as the man tried and failed to lead the riled-up teenager back inside, sure this was all some big misunderstanding. “I don’t have time for this, just get the fuck outta here.” Carmy could hear the growing frustration in his brother’s voice but the anger surging through him was fighting any logic his brain was pushing forth.

“You’re a piece of fucking shit Mikey, what the fuck you say to her huh? Sh-she wouldn’t just fucking kiss you, Mikey. Don’t pretend you fucking deserve her…I-I see the way you look at her don’t fucking lie to me.”

Carmy’s words had their intended effect whichever ones he wasn’t sure but he’d struck a cord in Mikey, that much was evident in the way he threw an empty beer bottle to the ground the loud shattering echoing through the quiet neighborhood. “And you do Carm?” A sardonic laugh left the vicious sneer on Mikey’s lips, “Give her a couple years Carm, who knows maybe she’ll decide I’m the better brother.”

Mikey knew the words were wrong the second they left his mouth and he didn’t need to hear Richie’s admonishing call of his name to realize it. Mikey didn’t see you as anything more than a little sister and he made sure you knew that as he gently pushed you away from him, breaking the kiss you initiated as soon as it started, he couldn’t be sure your inebriated mind understood at the moment, but he needed to make the boundaries between the two of you clear. Talking about you in the way he just did made him feel like the piece of shit Carmy was making him out to be, he was old enough to know not to disrespect you in the way he just did, but his younger brother's misdirected anger was the last thing he needed to hear, so Mikey hit him where it hurt a low moment of his he was sure to regret.

It all happened so fast the way Carmy took several quick steps forward, fist swinging out just as Richie wrapped his arms around him stopping his momentum before his fist could connect with Mikey’s face. Carmy struggled against Richie for a few moments before slumping against him defeat clear on his face. He shoved Richie away from him as he let him go, angry eyes blazing through Mikey’s figure.

“Fuck you, Mikey,” The quiet angry quip was punctuated by the glob of spit flying out of Carmy’s mouth and landing by Mikey’s shoe.

The last thing Carmy wanted to see as he stormed into his room was your figure in the middle of his floor, sundress pushed far too high up your legs displaying your panties as you sorted through the first-aid supplies scattered around you that you’d most likely found in his bathroom.

You looked like a fucking idiot sitting there focusing way too hard trying to read the ointment you’d picked up. Carmy’s irritated huff reached your ears a wide grin gracing your lips as you looked up to see him standing in the doorway. He rolled his eyes slamming the door behind him as he made his way fully into the room.

The loud noise had you stifling your giggles, “Someone’s mad.” The words were drawn out in a sing-song voice.

Carmy was doing his damndest to not blow up on you as he made his way to his dresser before pulling out a pair of your sweats you kept over for emergencies. He pulled the sweats out balling them up in his hand before harshly slamming the drawer and turning around and tossing them at your head, the bundle of cotton hitting you in the face and sending you into a fit of hysterics.

“Fucking cover yourself up.” The harsh tone of his voice caused you to roll your eyes quiet giggles still slipping past your lips as you reached for the sweats before putting on a deep voice and mocking him.

You stood up struggling to step into your sweats without losing your balance. You’d thought you had it this time but you were mistaken as the feeling of being on one leg sent you toppling over onto Carmy’s bed.

Carmy’s anger ebbed away into annoyance at the state you were in as he moved to help you stand before leading you to sit on his bed eyes dropping to your scraped-up knees only to realize that you’d done fuck all to clean them.

He ignored you as he gathered the necessary supplies and began to work on the scrapes on your right knee, doing his best to finish quickly so the both of you could get some sleep and pretend this night never happened.

“Carmy, you’re still my best friend…right?” You still sounded out of it as you asked the question, Carmy was resigned to ignoring you but then your soft voice began whispering his name incessantly.

“Sure Baby.” The irritation was obvious in his voice, and even more obvious in the way he harshly rubbed the alcohol pad against your wound, the movement causing you to wince. “Sorry.”

You sat still for a moment before your hands made their way to his grown-out hair, fingers wrapping around the curls that began to form at the ends. “I have a secret to tell you but you have to promise you won’t get mad.”

He gave a noncommittal hum hoping to finish patching you up before you spoke another word. The silence in the room gave Carmy hope that you’d fallen asleep but he was sorely mistaken as your quiet voice reached his ears. “I kissed Mikey. But…he didn’t like it.”

Carmy was surprised to hear the words leave your mouth, sure that the drugs and alcohol in your system would lead you to crack some stupid joke. He let go of your leg before leaning back on his haunches his eyebrows furrowed at your admission. “Why?” If this was true, if you kissed Mikey of your own volition he needed to understand why. And it also meant he probably owed his older brother some form of an apology.

He watched as your shoulders moved up and down in a lazy shrug that goofy smile still pulling at your lips, but the sheen in your eyes contradicted it, “I wanted to forget about you.” Your voice was hoarse with emotion as you answered hands moving from the curls of Carmy’s hair to gently grip his face in your scratched-up hands.

The two of you stared at each other, minutes ticking by as you drank each other in, Carmy’s confusion only growing as you began to giggle again, the noise juxtaposed by the new tears streaming down your cheeks.

“But I think I’ll remember you forever.”

a/n: please don’t take this as your sign to get experimental with drugs and alcohol, in no way am i endorsing that any of you go out and do this. please remember you are responsible for your own media consumption!!!

my first edible made me think i was the yellow power ranger, so please if you do, use recreational drugs safely and correctly!!!

[garbinge]

For The Sake of the Game

Richie Jeremovich x F!Reader From these August Prompts:  “Flirting"

A/N: YOUR HONOR I JUST SIMPLY LOVE THEM SO MUCH <3 Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Alludes to sexual situations, flirting, cursing.  

The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @quixscentsposts @dadbodfanatic-x @adorable-punk-superheroes @lodeddiperrodrick @isalver @captainweasleybarnes @musicwithteeth

Other fics from this universe

You remember sitting on your couch when Carmy left and then you remember standing at Richie’s door. The middle was a little foggy, all you knew was that now you were standing at Richie’s door at 12AM and needed to come up with a reason. 

He opened the door and immediately you remembered everything just by seeing him. 

“I don’t have a name.” You pushed through him and into his place. 

“Come on in.” He mumbled. 

“I don’t have a name and I just spent the entire night watching TV with Carmy and listening to him talk about fuckin’ Claire. Did you know Claire was back? Apparently Claire is back. Also, do you know if he’s working on the menu with Syd? We were watching fuckin’ Jeopardy reruns and he really should be working on the menu and I should be working on a name and the blends.” 

“You’re throwing a lot at me right now, sweetheart.” Richie’s eyes were closed as he tried to wrap his mind around everything you said. 

“You were asleep?” You turned around and realized you were standing right in front of him. You stood there a minute and really looked at Richie, really took in the sight of him. 

“Yes, I was asleep, it’s 12AM.” He hummed and opened his eyes to look at you. 

“That’s what you wear to sleep.” You pointed to the oversized jersey shirt he wore. 

“It’s comfy and it’s a good luck thing.” He looked down at the shirt and picked up the bottom hem before making eye contact back with you. 

“But the Bulls don’t play tomorrow.” You pointed to the red mascot patch resting on his chest. 

“But the Cubs do.” He nodded once like what he said made complete sense. 

“Soooo, why not a Cubs shirt?” You were intrigued by whatever the hell this was. 

“Because it doesn’t work like that.” He said it so absolute, like you should know exactly what it was that he meant. 

“You’re throwing a lot at me right now.” You repeated his sentence back to him. He smiled at that and shook his head in a touche kind of way.  “I don’t want it to be awkward.” You blurted out without thinking twice. 

“What?” His face twitched back slightly at your sentence. 

“Between us. So what? We sleep together. I enjoy your company. I’d like to think you enjoy mine, so like, it doesn’t need to be awkward.” You were rambling, it was out of nerves but also truthful. 

“You think it’s awkward between us?” Richie asked seriously. 

“I think it’s awkward between us.” You nodded confirming his sentence. 

“Okay so it won’t be awkward.” He shrugged, his voice coming more to it now from being asleep. 

“Okay.” You said with confidence. 

There was a silence that fell over the two of you now. One might have described it as sort of an awkward silence. 

“So you wanna think of a name?” Richie interrupted the quiet. 

“There’s no way I can come up with a name right now.” You let out a chuckle and brought your hands up to your eyes rubbing them as the exhaustion settled in. 

“You wanna stay over?” He asked, you could hear the confidence behind the statement that was quickly sheltered by his following words. “We can brainstorm up some type of business plan and make things not awkward.” Now he was making jokes, the smile on his face was cute, it was flirty, but your lack of response caused Richie to go into ramble mode. “I say that cause like I know my way around a business plan, I helped Mikey out with a few, nothing special, and they didn’t get finalized, but–” 

“Yes.” You cut him off, very eagerly. “Yes to staying over and yes to the business plan.” 

“Alright.” He nodded and moved to clean off the table and grab a notebook.

“Alright.” You plopped into the seat at his kitchen island that was now pretty empty and clean. 

The two of you made notes on multiple pages of the notebook, Richie making points about things you’d likely have to find solutions and answers for and you making notes that either Richie had the answer for or you spent some time googling to get more information. Honestly, despite the exhaustion between the both of you, it was fun. You needed some outline of what to do with your coffee brand and product and this was that. It felt good to be working on it and having someone help you that also believed in it, and you. 

“I get the jersey thing now.” You interrupted your work session. 

“You do?” Richie asked, sitting next to you now. 

“It’s a jinx thing. It’s not basketball season, it’s baseball season, which means you wear the basketball jersey before the Cubs play to stir up the "Chicago magic" because wearing the baseball jersey would jinx everything.” It was a long winded answer and honestly made little to zero sense. 

“Exactly that.” He slammed his head on the table in excitement. 

“It makes no sense.” You laughed and rolled your eyes. 

“But it works.” He shrugged. 

“And it looks good on you.” 

Richie immediately looked over at you, shocked at what you said. 

“You flirting with me?” He smirked, trying to cut his embarrassment with a joke. 

“Maybe.” Your eyebrows raised and you shrugged your shoulders. “Any rules about taking the jersey off and back on in the same night?” 

Richie’s smile didn’t fade as he stared at you. “Not sure, never done it.” 

“What if I wore the jersey?” You stared back into his eyes, trying to say so much to him through a simple look. 

“Again, we’re entering into never been done territory here.” He swayed from side to side breaking your eye contact likely because the flirting was making him nervous. 

You never really did this part of things both times you, well, you know, and all the other times you flirted were mindless, harmless fun. This was intentional, this was direct and clearly new for the both of you. 

“Maybe…” You paused, not sure what Richie’s reaction to what you were thinking of saying was going to be but decided the only way to find out was to say it, “we could test it out.” 

Richie’s reaction was to lean over and kiss you. It was intense, it was thrilling, and it was everything to you. It didn’t take long until you two ended up in his bedroom, but it did come after a vigorous makeout in the kitchen area, one that would have made the health inspectors of any restaurant kitchen provide an F rating immediately. Your notes and thoughts ended up scattered on the floor in the heat of it all, both of your clothes left in a trail as you made your way to his room, jersey included. Not that you were keeping track but this might’ve been the best night you spent together yet, the last two were great but they didn’t feel as effortless as this time, although you would have described each time with Richie as effortless, truthfully. You felt safe with him, you felt comfortable, and even more than that you always enjoyed time with him. 

You remember waking up early in the morning as Richie was getting up for work, you were groggy and still half asleep. At that point you only had a couple hours of sleep so everything was foggy. The memory you did have was of him telling you he had to get Eva to school but that you didn’t have to get up and that the spare key was…somewhere for you to lock up whenever you got up. That ended up being 12:30PM. You were thankful that your co-worker switched shifts with you to the late afternoon time slot and it allowed you to get those extra hours of snooze time, it also allowed you to soak in the fact that you were at Richie Jerimovich’s place. You hadn’t been here, ever. You picked him up a few times, dropped him off, but other than that, you had never been inside.

Getting out of bed, you followed your trail of clothes and placed them back on as you made your way back to the kitchen table. All your notes were in a stack on the table with a k-cup, breakfast granola bar, and note. You couldn’t help but smile at it before picking it up to read. 

All I had laying around, don’t fuckin’ judge me. Spare key is in the light to the right of the front door. Had a really good time last night, also…think you got yourself a business. 

The last sentence made you look down at all your notes, he was right, you had the starts of a business here, the start of your own coffee product and plan. Your smile would have been contagious if you weren’t alone. The idea that this was all happening was making you feel giddy, that mixed with the irony that after all the planning for your own coffee blends you were about to have a Keurig coffee cup was honestly bringing you a lot of joy. 

____

As you left work, you were surprisingly in a good mood for working the later shift. It helped that everything from the night before was still fresh in your mind. Walking home early evening was your favorite commuting time, the streets weren't packed with people, the sun was setting so the sky was oranges mixed with dark blues. As you continued to stroll, you walked by someone smoking a cigarette with a cubs jersey on.

“Hey, sorry but do you know if the Cubs won today?” You stopped walking just to ask him. 

“Yea, 6-4.” He said exhaling. 

“Thank you.” You grinned and pulled out your phone. 

You 7:15PM Heard the cubs won. 

Richie 7:16PM Sox play tomorrow, you should come over.  Richie 7:16PM For the sake of the game. 

You 7:16 On my way You 7:17: For the sake of the game.