#caregiver childe

[xxxcryptidxxx]

Childe AgeRe Headcanons

Childe is a flip!

—Childe is a flip with a little lean!

—Childe's regression age is 4-7, he's an older kiddo!

—Childe's primary caregiver(s) are Zhongli, The Traveller, and formerly Signora!

—Childe is a very hyper little with a lot of energy! his favorite games are Tag and Hide & Seek.

—Childe’s favourite games are pretend ones, he’ll pick up sticks and rocks alike, pretending their daggers and swords and grenades, he likes to pretend he’s a strong hero or a soldier.

—Childe is a massive fan of the colour blue, all his little supplies have a predominant theme of blue’s or nautical designs.

—Childe is a very brave little! He's able to stay calm even when he accidentally bumps his head or scrapes his knees. He likes when his caregivers kiss his injuries better, it makes him feel smaller.

—Childe doesn't like sharing his caregiver. he takes a long while to warm up to other littles, and will normally be quite grumpy/sulky until he does so, but once he does, he's a very sweet kiddo.

—Childe isn't very picky on foods, but his favorite is mac and cheese, especially macaroni that's shaped into little animals. He doesn't use a Pacifier often, but when he's scared or sleepy he will use it, it's blue with yellow boarders.

—Childe's favorite plushie is a small Narwhal he named Nellie. He takes her everywhere and refuses to sleep without her. One time Childe had a meltdown because it was bedtime and no one could find Nellie, she was later found by the boating dock by Ganyu.

—Chide's primary littles are Aether, occasionally Xiao, and formerly Scaramouche!

—Childe is very good with his littles, any and all ages. He has the patience for babies, and the energy to keep up with the older kiddos.

—Childe can and will carry his littles everywhere. He prides himself on being able to carry his littles no matter their size.

—Childe always has Band-Aids on hand in case of accidents. He has different colors and patterns to suit all his littles preferences.

—Childe can't cook to save himself, but he will buy any foods his littles like. Baby food, milk, anything. One of each flavor. Doesn't matter, Childe will buy it for his kiddos.

—Childe absolutely spoils his littles. Like it's to the point we're running out of plushie room. Everyday is a good day to buy toys. Childe even gives his little an allowance if they're good.

—Childe will do any activity with his littles. Dress up? Of course. Tag? Who's it? Hide and Seek? Better start counting. Yes Childe will wear makeup if that's what his littles want. He will be the prettiest princess. His little said so.

[tinylullabies]

kid who sticks to their carer, holding their hand when out in public, glued to their side n being guided along — shyly peeking from behind their caregiver when speaking to someone, remembering to be polite n use their manners the way their mama / dada taught them !!

toddler who loves skin to skin cuddles, clinging onto their carer at home, never far away from their mommy / daddy . . . carer who holds their tiny one close, soothing the baby with the gentle sound of their heartbeat <3

[lilsag3]

i love cups

[canichangemyblogname]

@ 911 fans—

Athena is not Buck’s mom. Hen is not Buck’s mom.

Athena has two children— Harry and May. She is their mom. Hen has two children— Denny and Mara. She is their mom. Karen is also their mom.

These black women are not the mothers of a grown-ass white man. Just as you should not pigeonhole black women into sassy, emasculating, and domineering stereotypes— which I see you all do, you should also not pigeonhole them into the stereotype role of the domestic laborer: cooking for, cleaning up after, and being a mother to a white “child.”

Shut the fuck up about “Mother Hen” and “Mother Athena.” If you aren’t talking about their relationship with their own legal children, shut the fuck up. Stop calling these women sassy and stop referring to them as Buck’s mothers.

Buck has a mother, Margaret Buckley. Margaret is his only mother. I don’t care if you dislike her, but replacing a neglectful white mother with a black woman as a caretaker is not the endearing move you think it is.

[space-station-nursery]

𑁯ᰍ Long-distance caregiver tipsꕀꕀ

𑁯ᰍ Set up a naptime during the day. They might protest and argue they're too big for a nap, but a happy baby is an energized one 𑁯ᰍ Remind them to drink water and eat snacks! Babies can be so busy playing that they forget to take care of themselves 𑁯ᰍ Before starting a game or movie, ask if they need to go potty, its not good for a little one to go to long without a potty break!

𑁯ᰍ Suggest calling on discord and listening to music! Find a regression playlist on youtube or spotify, and find a music bot that will play links. Listen to music as they begin to regress 𑁯ᰍ Play games with them that will keep them regressed. Each baby likes different games when regressed, find what they like and suggest they play it with you (if multiplayer) or play for you and show their progress (if single player

[dclleirs]

big kisses 2 the age regressors with attachment issues, trauma, mental illnesses 'n addictions ! u deserve 2 be loved just as much as any1 else ,, mommy says you are 100% valid 'n she is so very proud of you ! ᰔ

[totallynoteepy]

Piglet baby moodboard 🐷🍰

I've been having a really very hard time recently and inner child healing has been harder to engage in so it was nice to make a moodboard again

[recoveringprincess]

Nostalgia will be the death of me.

I want it to be 2013.

I don’t want to pretend I’m still a child.

I want to be a child.

I want to be a child with a loving family.

I want to be a child that’s genuinely happy.

I want to be a child that knows nothing about death.

I want it to be 2013 again but under different circumstances.

I want everything to be exactly as it was in 2013 except how I was treated by those who claimed to love me most.

I want the excitement on Christmas.

I want the excitement on my birthday.

I want my biggest worry to be what to wear on the first day of first grade, or what toys to take to the park.

I want everything surrounding me to be the same. The same toys, stores that have been redone since then haven’t been, my room never changed.

I want it to be 2013. I want to be 6/7.

Regression is a great coping mechanism. But there will never be a point where I wouldn’t prefer to actually relive my childhood as it happened, except with a happier home life. (And preferably without all the years of bullying but mainly the family thing).

[icarusredwings]

Clean

Separating this from my other works because of the Trigger Warnings. This read my not be for all viewers and is NOT safe for littles. It contains past mentions and discussions of Child SA, child abuse, unintentional SH, panic attacks, and emotional hurt/ comfort.

It's time to get out of the bath, but.. Wade's not clean yet. At least thats what he says.

"Alright. That's done. That's ready. Check, check, okay, now I just need Wade." Setting the plates down on the coffee table, he had even brought him some juice and turned on Beauty and the Beast for them to watch during dinner.

Today had been... Rough.. to say the least. First when he went with Vanessa he had been scolded by a parent to stay away from their child, the arguing between Ness and the parent scared him enough to sit down and put his hands over his ears near a tree, rocking himself.

He must have gotten even more spooked because when someone came to see what was wrong, Wade kicked them in the nose and practically cried all the way home after the incident.

Fortunately, he didn't want to press charges and told Wade he forgave him but to be careful next time. It was a slap on the wrist compared to what trouble he could have actually gotten into. It was one of the reasons Logan was afraid to take him there, knowing he'd lose his temper and be not any help either.

For the last hour or so, Wade has refused to speak to him. Or anyone really, the only word he said was "Bath" multiple times until he was finally put in one. Or rather, one was ran for him.

See, he was big enough (thank god) to take care of himself (mainly) but did enjoy help with his shoes and to be held, etc. It only made Logan wonder how long this has been going on. How many years has he had to do this by himself? Far too many it seemed.

The way it would work was Logan would prepare the Bath while Wade picked out his clothes. He also got to pick what kind of bubbles and small things like that, though mainly, He didn't take care of the water parts (Not ever since he flooded the bathroom).

After it was fully ran, bubbily and warm, Logan would leave him to it. Letting him soak for how ever long he liked and wouldn't open the door unless told too.

Sometimes, when he was itchy, they'd put oats in his bath instead of bubbles, though Logan had to be sure to tell him not to eat the oats or else he would.

It would be more difficult if wade had hair to wash, but since he didn't (obviously) there was no fuss about it.

He didn't need any help scrubbing his legs and arms, his chest, etc. Of course, he would play with his ducks, too. Right now, his favorite was a big mama duck toy who held 3 baby tinier ducks. A gift from Dopinder who knows that Mr. DP likes toys rather then why.

Right now (like many other times) He would come to check on him, putting his ear close to the door and knocking. "Wade?"

"Kid?"

Now ussually, he'd get a response of giggles or "Almost done!" But now he got nothing.

Again, he knocked harder.

Silence. Though he could smell soap. Not the same kind that he remembered putting in. Also a soft scratching sound, as well as a whimper.

"Kid? Dinner's done." He adds this last bit, knowing he was always hungry after the park.

Still nothing.

"Wade. Do... you need help?"

"No!"

'No' was not what was concerned him. What concerned him was the tone he used with it.

"Are you okay?"

Again silence.

He took a breath, sighing as he had a feeling of what he had to do. If he asked to come in, he would just keep saying no. Unfortunately, this was one of those times when "Being a mean ol Kitty" had its advantages.

"Wade? I'm coming in. You sound hurt."

Something that Ness has taught him was to add the 'why' automatically after the direction. That way, he doesn't have to ask, and it makes him more comfortable to be told up front.

"Nooo.." He whined as Logan unclicked the door, slowly opening it only to gasp softly. The water was a very light pink as he saw him applying more soap and scrubbing his arm far too hard.

The area was raw, bright red, irratated, and some blood was dripping down into the tub, but it wasn't the only thing adding to the water. Tears were rolling down his face and snot trying to leave quicker then he could sniffle it up.

"Wade! What are you doing!?" He asks, Stepping into the bathroom to see that a part of his chest was scratched too.

No awnser. In fact, he seemed to scrub harder, almost as if he were panicking.

"Oh Wade..." Taking a few steps forward, He tried to take the brush only for him to scream and punched him the nose.

"Augh!- fuck!" What was with him and noses? Seriously? This was the second time today someone got a new nose job from him.

"No!!" He yelled, shifting in the tub to lean away from him, now starting to scrub at his neck, that now also was starting to bleed a bit.

"Ah- Why did you do that?! Stop! You're going to make it worse!" Logan understood that his skin issues bothered him, but he wouldn't let him do this.

Growling a bit, he grabbed his cheek, pushing him away as he took it, pulling the drain too.

Trying to take it again, he held it close to him and bit him (hard) when he tried to take it from his hands. "Nooo!!" And now that he knew he would fight him on it, He had no choice.

"N-Nooo!!" He screamed, if anything backing away, starting to shake from the cold of the water gone.

Putting them to the side, Logan looked him over, trying to think of any possibility of what was happening. Why the only thing he was shouting at him was No, why he wanted to stay in the tub, and why- even now- he was crying.

"Why did you do this?" He asks, watching as he goes quiet again, staring at him with a still shock of fear.

"Come on. Get out. It's dinner time. I made mac and cheese. You love mac and cheese." He tried to bribe, but Logan was never good at these things.

"NO!" Going as far as throwing a soap bottle at him, Logan put an arm up only for it to hit the wall and bust, beginning to ooze out the conconut smelling liquid.

"Hey!! Don't do that!-"

"I-i'm not done!!"

"How!? You've been in here for an hour already!" The screaming back and forth was fine by him, as long as he kept talking. The more he spoke, the more Logans' hearts sank, especially with what he said next.

"Don't..h-Hur..." It was the last straw, breaking down into a sob as he shook his head. "Please...No." The shaking wasn't just from the cold. He was shutting his eyes tight as if he didn't want to see what would happen next and ws trying everything in his power to stay away from him.

It was now that Logans eyes widdened, swallowing as he had a horrible feeling in his stomach. "No what,...Wade?"

"Please, Kitty... No.." He began to slur and choke on his own hot, thick tears, his skin burning with the sensation that it wasn't before, the sensitive layer being exposed to the air.

"Who." Was all he said. It wasn't even a question, more like a demand. His grumbling through grit teeth making Wade shush from his crying. He was crying so hard that his screams were silent, shaking harder and trying to make himself as small as possible.

"I-i'll be good...I d-don't wanna...!" He spoke this sentence, and instantly, a propane tank worth of anger filled his body, up to his lungs with hatred as he thought about what this meant.

"Who. Wade! Who?! Why!?" Now this was a demand. A demand to know who in their right mind would ever do such a thing to him.

Opening his mouth to speak, he felt nauseous, swallowing it deep in his stomach.. for now.

"K-kevin.." he whispered, a tiniest voice practically strangled out by the lumps in his throat.

"When!? Do I know him?"

He shook his head, ever so slightly trying to hide his face into the side of the tub.

Taking the towel, he threw it over him, as he tried to calm down enough to get him to talk, let alone look him in the eye. He could smell how much fear and confusion he was in. How terrified he was to get out of the tub in fear something bad would happen to him.

Slowly opening an eye, he looked at him from the corner of his eye, pulling the towel around him only for him to start rubbing his skin again with it.

"I-hey! Stop that!" Grabbing his hands again, Wade jumped, pulling away as he began to sob loudly that he was sorry. "Ill be good" "No!" "Bad kitty!!" "I clean it" mixed in with distorted cries, pleas to be let go.

It broke his heart to hear him so scared of him. Honestly, it started making his stomach turn. Did Wade really think he would do that to him? Why would he...? Oh great. Now there was tears in his eyes too.

Hearing the word "Clean" connected the dots*. The reason WHY Wade insisted that he "was a big boy and can do it himself" each bath despite showering with him before. The reason why he was screaming No, and trying to keep away from him. The reason why he punched and threw the soap at him.

"Wade, I-.." Letting go, he groaned, a small whine coming out of him as well as he rubbed his face, trying to keep it together. But how could he? With what he just learned?

Going to walk away to call Ness and ask if she knew anything about this, he stopped, cursing under his breath as he realized the second he left he would just start scrubbing again.

How was he supposed to help him if he couldn't touch him but also watch over him at the same time to be sure he's not hurting himself if he hated being watched in the tub?

Making a loud grunting sound, Wade stopped, looking at him as if trying to analyze if this sound was negative or not. His kitty did grunt a lot, so it wasn't scary, but he was still scared of him. Scared of everyone, actually.

Sighing, he sat on the toilet, putting his head in his hands, thinking. Think! Come on, Logan, you've been around dozens of kids, right? Wrong. He just recently started to warm up to his daughter, a grown woman by now.

If he had his phone he could call or.. I don't know google it? But what would he even type? "My boyfriend was molested 20 years ago, what should I do?" No... no. Come on there has to be something in there. Deep breaths. In... ou-

"Kitty...?"

Looking up, he swallowed, tears running down his face, his own throat tight. "Yeah, Kid..?"

He pointed to the bottle that was half spilled on the floor.

"What? Soap? What about it? The second I came near ya, you chucked it at my head." He mumbled.

"..." Looking at him, Wade blinked. "...Soap?"

He wanted to say,'No, you're not getting anymore soap. It's time to get out' but instead paused. "...Why?"

Ness had said one of the best things to do for a kid was to understand them. He didn't know what she meant by that until now.

"Uhm.. Dirty?" The higher mark at the end gave Logan an opening, a chance. The question of him being dirty was enough.

"You aren't dirty, Wade. You're clean." Logan didn't move from his spot. Not a single inch. He couldn't risk spooking him again. His tears just now were coming to an end.

"But- I..." He was thinking. Logan knew he was. Trying to process the information. "B-but he..."

"I-i know... I know he did." His fist clenched but tried to smile. It came out crooked and kind of awkward as more tears raced over his face like the Nashville Derby. "You're clean, Wade. Good-" he swallowed, trying to ground himself.

"Good job."

Again, Wade was confused. He wasn't good. He just bloodied his second nose for the day (that was already healed up by now) and threw a bottle at him.. that didn't seem good.

Swallowing, more tears came to him, begining to realize what he has done, calming enough to understand. "B-but.. I bad.."

"No!- i-i mean.. No... you're not bad. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. None of it was your fault... Im so sorry.." Logan whispered, wiping his eyes.

He wasn't expecting to cry today, but he had a feeling tonight, once all was said and done, they were going to have a long talk later, and he'd cry more in bed.

"S-so... All done?"

Quickly, he nods, "All done... erm.. I-i made us mac and cheese so... get dressed and.. I-ill help with your booboos okay?" He says, about to stand up but decided to wait until told to leave. Any movements would probably send him right back.

To his suprise, Wade got out, Holding his towel tight around him but came to him. Very still. That's how Logan sat as Wade ever so gently touched his face, wiping his tears, tilting his head when more came.

"Kitty...?"

"Yeah, bub?" He muttered, giving him a lopsidded smile, not wanting him to be scared.

"...Are you cry because..." He trailed off, but Logan knew exactly what he meant.

"Y-yeah."

"Why? ...He mean to you?" Pulling his hand away, he seemed so confused about why anyone would care what happened to him. His parents sure didn't.

"No, Bub... but he was mean to you. Right?"

He nods, slowly, ashamed of this.

"Hey- No, You're not introuble.. it's his fault. He's bad. You... you were never bad, Wade. Not ever." He tells him, Putting out a hand for him to hold.

Instead of taking it, Wade hugged his head, petting his head. "Don't cry kitty.."

Loosely putting his arms around him, he sniffled again. "I-ill try, kid... now.. Lets go watch some dancing tea sets, yeah?"

"Okay!" Nodding, Wade picked up his clothes, running off, excited to be clean and to eat with him. Oh, how quickly his moods changed... Logan was going to get whiplash one of these days.

Later, during the movies credits, they sat in silence of one another, Wade's face in the crook of his neck, clearly still ashamed of his actions for the day and his past..

After bandaging and icing his wounds, They sat together for a good 30 minutes, Wade devouring all of his food. Logan didn't eat. His stomach was too turned over to even think about it.

"...Wade?" He says, breaking the silence as he stares off at a random wall, keeping him as close as possibly, letting him wrap his legs around his wasit as he held him.

"..Yuh?"

"..It's not your fault."

"What?"

"It's not your fault."

"I know." He says, but suddenly the room had a stench of a mechanic's shop. Thick gasoline. He lied straight through his teeth.

"Wade... It's not your fault." He says again, beginning to rub his back, feeling him tense up.

"I... know?"

"No- Wade. Litsen to me... It's not your fault. Its theirs. You did nothing wrong." He repeated again, making him start to cry as a single tear fell down Logan's face.

Nodding into him, sniffling, a muffled, strained 'That's why I carry my baby knife. Baby knives protect babies sometimes' came out as he clung around his neck, never wanting to let go.

A minute or two passes. Logan's shirt his wet. Wet wasn't even the right word. More like soaked.

"Is... he dead?"

"Good." He holds the back of his head, begining to rock him, quietly shushing, letting him sob. "Shhh... I got you... I won't let anyone do that to you ever again. I don't care if it kills me.."

"E-even if I throw summer breeze body wash at you again?"

"Even if you throw summer breeze body wash at me." He agreed, feeling him relax a little.

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"H-hope to die?"

"Even if I die, just wait. Ill find that fucker in hell."

Wade giggled, letting out a sigh as his shoulders dropped, trusting him more than before. He felt... safe.

Hi. If you made it down here, Im proud of you for how far you've come in life, and I am so sorry if you relate to this.. this, uhm.. this one hit a little too close to home for me. So..

*For those who don't understand, Wade didn't 'Clean himself good enough' so kevin 'helped'. It's implied that this was a form of 'punishment' as well as wade feeling dirty from the thoughts seeing as.... nevermind. The unfortunate truth is how ever much you scrub, you can still feel it.

Again. If you understand this, Im so sorry. It is and never will be your fault. 🫶🩷 And I hope Scoutmaster Kevin gets what he deserves with a chainsaw 🥰 Fuck that guy fr

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

[pawtrolling]

wahh okay so a few people did ask so here are some cg!kirk headcanons!! keep in mind that i'm super new to the show and these might seem ooc for seasoned fans? feel free to add your own ♡

cg!Captain Kirk Headcanons

💫 .. would let you sit on his lap in the captain's chair. he'd let you nap or explain everything he's doing to you in child-friendly terms

💫 .. would hold your hand walking around the ship

💫 .. wouldn't take you on missions when regressed become he wants to protect you, but gives you a detailed mission report - full of playful exaggerations and silly voices to make you laugh and gasp

💫 .. plays tag with you around the ship

💫 .. tries to teach you Tri-D chess and has SO MUCH patience (might even let you win, but it's more likely he'll use it to teach you a lesson in graceful losing)

💫 .. huge on petnames like kiddo, buddy, chum and darling

💫 .. comforts you after nightmares with cuddles and softly caressing your face until you fall asleep again

💫 .. would cut your food into fun shapes, mostly stars, hearts and little smiley faces

dividers ♡ cg!Kirk moodboard (by me hihi)

[tinylullabies]

my baby being so tiny and nonverbal, resting on me after a long day of being big or masking their regression, listening to their soft breathing as i gently rub / pat the tiny one's back— lulling them to sleep with sweet murmurs and coos, brushing their hair out of their face so i could kiss their forehead . . . “mama's here, she'll protect her little angel from any nightmares, sweet dreams, mama’s sweet dove.” — ♡

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Sand, compulsive caregiver

Something struck me when I was watching episode 5 of Only Friends, and as the show goes on, I can see more and more clearly how significant it was. Like a lot of folks I’ve been discussing the show with and whose posts about it I’ve been reading on here, I had already noticed that Sand was remarkably willing to take care of Ray even though he didn’t offer him much in return. From the first time they met, when he gave him a ride and a safe place to crash so he wouldn’t drive drunk even though he was incredibly belligerent to him, through episode 5 and beyond, Sand has always been ready to rescue Ray at a moment’s notice and asks very little in return. He’s down bad for Ray, certainly, but that doesn’t entirely account for it. And then Sand introduced Ray to his mother and everything clicked.

When Ray first meets Sand’s mom, she sits down with them and takes a big swig of her drink. “Don’t overdo it,” Sand tells her. “The doctor is going to scold you at your health checkup next week.” “You keep nagging at me, you know that?” she responds. “Who between us is the mother, exactly?” My psychology antennae went right up for that. Then Sand’s mom tells Ray, “This guy never stops working. Did you know he sends himself to school? On top of paying the debts I made, that is.” Yep. The ol’ antennae were going off big time by this point.

Later, Ray and Sand are at Sand’s place and Ray remarks, “Your mother is so cool. She seems so understanding.” Sand agrees. “She is. She raised me all by herself. We’re like friends, so I can talk to her about anything.”

That was all the confirmation I needed to feel assured in saying that Sand is a parentified child.

If you aren’t familiar with the term, parentification is a phenomenon in which a child is placed in a parental role or given parental responsibilities that are not age-appropriate. When parentification occurs on a large scale, it’s a form of neglect. Experts divide parentification into two types, which can appear separately or together: emotional parentification and instrumental parentification. Emotional parentification involves meeting the emotional needs of parents (who are often not emotionally available to the child in return), being responsible for the emotional needs of siblings in a parent-like manner, or having inappropriate responsibilities like defusing conflicts and keeping the peace. Instrumental parentification involves being required to help meet more concrete needs. Kids who experience instrumental parentification may have to take care of basic family needs like grocery shopping and cooking or may be given more responsibility for caring for their siblings than is appropriate for their stage of development.

A number of things we know about Sand and his mom show that Sand was parentified. The fact that he has been paying off his mother’s loans while putting himself through school is an example of parentification still occurring in the present. Sometimes a parent isn’t in the position to pay for their child’s education. But having him pay off her debts? At his age? That’s a case of role reversal, and a form of instrumental parentification. It’s unlikely that this is something that only came up when Sand was a young adult. I’d bet he’s been doing important tasks for his mother since he was quite young.

The fact that Sand says his mother is like a friend sounds good on paper. And in some ways it is a good thing. He says he can “talk to her about anything,” which implies he confides in her as well as the other way around. It’s not uncommon for emotionally parentified children to be expected to act as confidantes for their parents while not being able to turn to their parents for the same kind of support in return. (This is a form of parentification I experienced myself.) So Sand is making out better than some parentified kids in that the support goes both ways. But the way he talks about his mother like an equal is still not a great sign, since it suggests that roles in this family-of-two are more permeable than they should be. Parent-child relationships aren’t supposed to be symmetrical, at least not until the child is a full-fledged adult. The child is supposed to be able to expect more emotional support from their parent than they provide in return, and they shouldn’t be asked to provide certain kinds of support at all. And again, this seems like a pattern that was set in place at a time when this expectation was even less age-appropriate than it is at the time of the story.

In addition to the categories of emotional and instrumental parentification, there’s another typology that is based on the kinds of roles that a child may be asked to fill: parent-focused, sibling-focused, and spouse-focused parentification. The parent-focused type involves acting like a surrogate parent for their parent. Sibling-focused refers to acting in a parental role for your siblings. And spouse-focused parentification, sometimes called spousification, involves acting like a spouse for your parent. In my search for information on parentification, I found some cases in which spousification had a seductive, sexualized component in which the child is treated like a spouse in the most inappropriate of ways. But in other cases, it only referred to expecting a child to perform spouse-like functions like emotional support, without involving that seductive aspect.

Sand didn’t have siblings, thankfully. If he had, he probably would have been relied upon to provide a lot of care for them. He may have experienced parent-focused parentification. The way he treats his mother as if he’s her parent, as she herself points out, is an indication of parent-focused parentification. Given the fact that his relationship with his mother seems to be pretty reciprocal, I think there was an aspect that we could call spousification as well, but not in the seductive sense of that term. Rather, his mother seems to have regarded him–indeed, to still regard him in many ways–as a sort of familial life partner.

So what does this mean for Sand as a young adult starting to form relationships? Mostly, it points toward exactly the type of dynamics we’ve already seen come up between him and Ray. John Bowlby, one of the most influential early theorists on attachment, wrote that parentified children often grow up to be “compulsive caregivers.” Sound like anyone we know? Sand starts taking care of Ray almost as soon as he sets eyes on him, then keeps showing up for him again and again. Even after Ray humiliates him at the bar and calls him a whore in the parking lot in episode 6, he still follows him to monitor his safety and, when he gets in a car accident just as Sand feared he would, rescues him and takes him to the hospital. He even takes him home from the hospital and helps him bathe. Compulsive caregiving sounds about right.

There’s a new meta-analysis by Dariotis and colleagues that came out this summer that integrates findings on parentification across 95 studies. It has some interesting things to say about its aftereffects. The strongest finding across studies is that parentification is linked with depressive symptoms and internalizing problems (i.e., problems associated with turning difficult feelings inward). The studies they analyzed also pointed toward a number of factors that could be involved in how and why parentification leads to these outcomes. They include attachment style (parentification is often associated with a lack of secure attachment) and rejection sensitivity. In relationships, they write, “issues of trust and fear” often come up. They note that in one study, adolescents who had been parentified avoided emotional intimacy and had a hard time accepting support from others.

How well does this map onto Sand? Pretty darned well. We don’t know if Sand has depressive tendencies. When it comes to internalizing, most people have a tendency to either internalize more or externalize more, and given the way Sand cultivates a cool, seemingly unaffected demeanor in public and how much punishment he takes from Ray without fighting back, I think Sand tends to internalize more.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Sand had an insecure attachment style. He shows signs of anxious attachment in his pursuit of Ray, but also seems avoidant in some ways, as when he acts like he isn’t getting hung up on Ray when he clearly is. And although, in a similar way, he denies it most of the time, he’s very sensitive to rejection from Ray. Even though Ray usually fails to notice (because he doesn’t attend to Sand’s feelings well in the slightest), viewers get lots of signals that Sand is suffering when Ray pushes him away or minimizes their relationship.

Finally, it would track if Sand avoided emotional intimacy and had a hard time accepting support from others. If so, it would make perfect sense that he’d feel so drawn to Ray, someone who will make achieving emotional intimacy difficult (because he’s unlikely to return his feelings and be demonstrative about it) and who is unlikely to offer support that Sand would have a difficult time receiving. (In this regard, Sand is a classic pursuer–he acts like he wants intimacy but chooses a prospective partner who distances himself, allowing him to continue seeking intimacy without having to face the fears that would come up if he actually received the degree of closeness he claims to want.)

There is some good news for parentified children in Dariotis et al.’s meta-analysis. Positive effects of parentification haven’t been studied much, but when researchers looked for them, they found that it could be linked with greater resilience and positive coping skills. Sand does seem to be good at coping with adversity in some ways. He’s definitely someone you would want to have around in a crisis. He was remarkably level-headed after Ray’s accident. When goaded by Boston, he didn’t respond in an ill-advised combative way, and when Ray impulsively went after Boston, he tried to hold him back.

Sand clearly faced a lot of difficulties to get to the point he has reached at the time of the story. The fact that he has had to put himself through college and pay off his mother’s debts is far from ideal, but the fact that he was able to do this is truly remarkable. One factor linked to positive outcomes for parentified children is praise and validation from parents for their efforts. Sand’s mother seems to recognize all that he has done for her. She praises him when talking to Ray and since this doesn’t seem remarkable to Sand, I’m guessing she does so regularly. This bodes well for Sand’s ability to bounce back from parentification in adulthood.

If Sand can just get past, or at least mitigate, his compulsive caregiving and learn to assert himself–and frankly, kick the habit of falling for guys like Ray–he could look forward to a pretty healthy future. Much more so, certainly, than most of the central Only Friends characters. It depends on whether he’s ready to learn from the events of the show. Time will tell if he manages to do this in the course of the series; if not, we’ll have to hope he does so later on.

A note about cultural context:

Parentification is a Western concept originated by Americans and Europeans and as Dariotis and colleagues point out, more research is needed to understand whether and how it applies to people in other cultural contexts. In the meantime, the construct has been used in studies around the world to (seemingly) good effect.

Cultural factors will definitely impact how this construct takes shape. For example, in cultures that are more collectivist and/or that place a lot of value on filial piety, responsibilities that would constitute parentification in the U.S. or Europe could be commonplace and, as a result, more benign. One risk factor for negative outcomes that Dariotis et al. mention is if the child has a strong sense of having been treated unfairly. This factor is necessarily culture-bound because children’s sense of the fairness of their roles and responsibilities will undoubtedly come largely from comparing themselves to their peers. If a certain role is commonplace in their culture, this sense of unfairness is unlikely to come up and there’ll be a lower risk of negative outcomes.

For the record, I do believe that parentification does cross cultural lines as a phenomenon, despite the different forms it’s bound to take. And I believe that if a definition of parentification was created that was tailored for a Thai cultural context, it would apply to Sand’s situation with his mother.

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Regression isn’t always cute

I know I try to keep my blog as positive and safe as possible, but I also want to discuss some of the less-happy sides of regression as well. Especially because I know my blog is getting seen by a lot of newer regressors (and because I’ve been experiencing a lot of impure regression as of late)

Regression isn’t always cute. I’d say the community online does a pretty good job of discussing the good and bad, keeping things positive while also honest. But I still want to do my part in sharing those more negative experiences with agere. Well, I say negative, but they’re not inherently bad? It’s emotional processing, so it isn’t fun but it’s also important to mental health.

Age regression at its core is a stress response. Sometimes to something big, like a traumatic event, or so,times it’s just because day to day life is difficult. However, as it literally involves thinking and feeling like a child, any emotional response, whether you are reliving a past stressor and/or avoiding a new one, is going to feel different, and usually more intense.

Hence why impure regression exists. While it’s not fun, it’s also vital to overcoming the stress and processing emotions.

So yeah, regression isn’t all coloring books and stuffies and getting to feel like a happy kid again. Sometimes regression is reliving a traumatic time. Sometimes it’s tummy-aching anxiety because your current stress is too much for a child to handle. Sometimes it’s old insecurities coming back to haunt you.

and that’s okay.

It’s rough, I know. It isn’t fun to feel like this, and you probably wish you didn’t. But feeling is a part of healing. Allow yourself to feel it. You aren’t less worthy of love or weird for feeling this way. And this community is here to support you through all facets of regression.

Enjoy the good parts of Little Space, but don’t shut out the bad. Regression isn’t always cute, and it’s not meant to be. It’s a coping mechanism for a reason. Show yourselves kindness and love, like you deserve. -Marty ❤️‍🩹

[space-station-nursery]

𑁯ᰍ Long-distance gifts for your littlesꕀꕀ

𑁯ᰍ Send your little a sweater that smells like you, or a shirt they can wear! 𑁯ᰍ If they wont fit in your clothes, send them a small bottle of your perfume/cologne 𑁯ᰍ Find a cheaper stuffie of their favorite animal and write them a little note with it! 𑁯ᰍ If you're creative, make them a little bracelet or necklace with colorful beads! 𑁯ᰍ Simple stationary like stickers! Littles love stickers 𑁯ᰍ Easy teethers like necklaces or bracelets that can be found on amazon! 𑁯ᰍ Send a cute little package of their favorite snacks (i.e candy, cookies, chippies etc), even sending them snack you like that you want them to try is a thoughtful gift! 𑁯ᰍ Little coloring books that include crayons or other small items like bubbles, bouncy balls, puzzles etc! 𑁯ᰍ Buying their favorite mobile game without ads, or a game they've been looking at for awhile 𑁯ᰍ Check out your local craft store or dollar store for blankets with cute characters on them that are on sale! We hope this list helps all you long distance lovelies find the best gifts for your little! Most of these items can be found at local craft stores, drug stores, or dollar stores!

[dclleirs]

remember, its okay to not like pacis. its okay not like bottles or sippy cups, its okay to not like plastic utensils ! not liking these things doesn’t make you any less little ! ᰔ