#caregiver!steve burns

[littlespacereader]

Merry Christmas!!💚❤️🎅🎄🎁

Happy Holidays everyone! Thank you to everyone who voted on the Christmas fic idea. I really hope you enjoy this fic! I wrote a lot more than I was expecting but I couldn’t stop myself, I truly fell in love with writing this story! Thank you for an amazing year! I hope you, your friends, family and loved ones have a great holiday season! - Clara💞

Blues Clues Christmas💙🐾

Caregiver! Steve Burns & GN Little! Reader (SFW!)

Tags- Christmas fluff, hand holding, being picked up, forehead kisses, searching for clues, dog licks, and typical blues clues fluff!

My eyes start to flutter open to a frosty Christmas Eve morning. Wait… ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!! I jump up and look outside and it’s still snowing!!!

I turn and shake Steve to wake up, “Steve!! Steve!! It’s Christmas Eve!!”

I hear him chuckling before he stretches, starting to wake up. “Someone’s excited for Christmas.”

“I am! I can’t wait to-.” I’m interrupted by Blue, jumping into the bed and licking my face. “Blue! Good morning! Merry Christmas Eve!”

Blue smiles to me and barks, just as excited for the day ahead. I hold her in my arms, turning as we look to a disheveled Steve sits up in bed.

“You two are wide awake,” he chuckles, “Come on you rascals. Let’s get some Christmas Eve breakfast.”

Blue jumps from my arms and heads towards the kitchen. But before Steve and I go, he leads me to the bathroom first, “Come on little one, let’s get you changed and ready for the big day.”

With a quick pit stop to the bathroom, brushing our teeth, getting changed into our outfits, we set off to the kitchen hand in hand.

“Bonjour Y/N!” Mr. Salt comes to the edge of the countertop.

“Good morning Steve!” Mrs. Pepper joins him.

“Good morning!” I say to put, taking a seat at the table next to Blue.

Steve grabs a cup of tea for himself and a sippy cup of fruit juice for me. Then we settle in and have a small breakfast together with Blue and the spice family.

“So what’s the plan today Steve?” I ask, eager to get our Christmas Eve started.

“Well,” he put his tea cup down, “I was thinking we could stop by and give out invitations to Christmas, maybe some cooking…”

“Leave the cooking to us.” Mrs. Pepper winked.

“But what about tonight? The night before Christmas?” I ask again.

But this time it’s Blue’s turn. She barks and spins around before putting a blue paw print on the table.

Steve and I gasp. “BLUE’S CLUES!!!”

“That’s a great idea Blue!” Steve smiles, “We’ll play Blues Clues to see what we should do tonight after dinner.”

“So we need to keep our eyes out for three clues!” I cheer from across the table.

“Yes! And I have a very important job for you Y/N.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out his handy dandy notebook. “I want you to be in charge of my notebook today.”

I’m speechless taking the notebook carefully. I stare at it in disbelief, “Y-You want me to hold onto it?”

“Sure! I could use your help today finding all of Blue’s clues. Are you up to the task my little sidekick?” He winks.

“Yes!! Yes!! A million times yes!!” I almost jump from my seat.

“Then let’s starts our adventure!” Steve finishes his tea and I finish my juice before we set out to the living room.

“Alright. Now on top of finding Blue’s clues, we also have to give out our Christmas invitations. We have three stops.”

He holds out the cards, “One is for Magenta, one is for Josh, and one is for Joe. We’ll need to make sure we stop at everyone’s house so they know they’re invited tomorrow. I’ll have you be in change of holding onto the cards.”

He hands me them and I look at the cards in awe, “You want me to be in charge of the cards too?”

“Of course! I know you can do it! But if you’re feeling overwhelmed or like it’s too much responsibility, you let me know okay?” He reassures.

“I will but, I’ve got it.” I smile back to him.

“I knew I could trust you! Now, let’s head out.” He goes to open the door but I stop him smiling, “Steve wait.”

“What’s wrong little one?”

“We need our coats, hats and gloves.”

With a small gasp he nods, “You’re so right. How could I be so silly? You’re so smart!” He praises. “Let’s get our winter gear.”

“First we’ll put on our coat…” he puts on his green stripped coat that matches his usual shirt. He turns and grabs my coat, helping me put each arm in the sleeves, then zipping it right up.

“Great. Next we’ll put on our hats…” he grabs his green hat and puts it on, then does the same for me. “Comfy?” He asks getting a nod from me.

“Finally we’ll put on our mittens.” A green pair for him of course, then a pair for me. “Let me see their hands.” He waves his hands up like crazy, I giggle and follow suit.

“Alright! Looks like we’re all set. But first, do we need anything else before we leave? A snack, a quick trip to the bathroom?”

I pause, thinking it over. “Bathroom?” I say shy.

“Good idea. Let’s make a quick stop before we go.” He takes my mitten hand in his mitten hand, heading back to our bed room. After taking care of business, we’re right back to it!

“Okay! Are you all set? Ready for our Christmas Adventure?” He smiles.

“Yes! Let’s find out what Blue wants to do tonight after dinner!” I squeeze his hand.

“Great! Let’s go!”

~~~

We step outside to our frosty front yard. It snowed a few days ago and everything still looked so beautiful, like a winter wonderland.

We leave our little yellow house and start walking down the street, saying hi to those who pass us. I stick close to Steve, holding his hand as we approach our first stop, Magenta’s house.

“Would you like to ring the bell or would you like me too?” He ask, looking over to me.

“Can you?”

“Of course I can.” He leans forward ringing the bell. We wait maybe a minute before Magenta runs to the door and right over to us.

“Magenta!! So good to see you!” I giggle as she jumps up and licks Steve and I.

We follow after her into the house and find Blue sitting at a coloring table with Magenta. “Oh hi Blue!”

Blue smiles and barks back, but then I see it.

“STEVE! A clue! A clue!!!”

“I know Magenta really flew!”

“No!” I giggle shaking my head to Steve, “A clue!” I point to the blue paw print on the piece of paper.

He gasps. “A clue!! Great job Y/N!! You found our first clue! But…what is it?”

“It’s paper Steve.” I giggle some more. He’s so silly sometimes.

“Ah! You’re so right, it is paper. You know what this means, we need our Handy Dandy…”

“Notebook!” I hold it out for him.

“Notebook! That’s right. Thank you sweet one.”

He takes the notebook, pushing the crayon through the top and flipping to a new page.

“So our first clue is paper. We start by drawing a straight line at the top, then a line down, then another line at the bottom and one up to connect at the top. There, paper!”

He stops and thinks looking over to me, “But what could Blue want to do after dinner tonight with paper?”

“Maybe she wants to draw some more?” I offer.

“Maybe…but we better find more clues to make sure.” We nod together.

“Here,” he hands me the notebook again, “for safe keeping.”

I turn and put the notebook back in my pocket. But then I remember our second mission!

“Magenta!” I grab the invitation from my backpack and hand it to her, “You’re invited over for Christmas tomorrow!”

Magenta lights up running around and barking. She runs over to me and licks me as a thank you. “Oh! You’re welcome! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!” I smile back.

“Alright! You two have fun! We have more invitations to send out!” Steve holds his hand out to me which I gladly take. Together we wave goodbye to Magenta and Blue before leaving.

Then we’re back to it, making our way down the street to the next house. “Uncle Josh!!”

“Yeah! Next is Uncle Josh! I’m sure he’ll very excited to come over.”

We walk up the steps to the blue house which belongs to Josh. “Would you like to do the honors this time?” Steve asks and I quickly nod, reaching forward and ringing the bell.

Soon Josh arrives at the door, his face lighting up to see is. “Y/N! Steve! What a wonderful surprise!”

“Uncle Josh!” I run forward and give him the biggest hug.

“Y/N! It’s so good to see you!!” He wraps his arms around me, hugging me just as tightly. With a kiss to my forehead, we break apart.

I stick close to him, resting against his side. He notices this and wraps an arm around me. “So what brings you two here?”

“We’re looking for Blue’s Clues!” Steve replied.

Josh gasp, “Special Christmas Eve Blue’s Clues! This must really be important!”

“Have you see any around?” I ask.

“Not that I know of but-.” He looks around, “maybe another set of eyes could help!”

He takes my hand in his, leading me into his living room with Steve following behind.

“Actually I could use the two of yours help.” Papers laid all over his living room.

“You see, there was a mistake at the print shop and now all of my stories are messed up. Can you help me tell which is the real story.”

“Yeah!” I bounce beside him.

Josh smiles, squeezing my hand, “Great! Okay here’s the first one. Is it Little Bo-Peep lost her sheep or her cows?”

Steve and I think for a moment. Then it hits me, “It’s her sheep!”

“Ohhhhh.” Josh and Steve say in unison. “You’re right! It is her sheep!”

Josh smiles back, “Good job Y/N!” He puts the paper in a pile. “Okay here’s the next one, Little blue or red ridding hood?”

Again, we all stop and take a moment to think. “Red or blue…red or blue…” Steve says to himself.

“Red!” I chime in.

The two again, look in awe of me. “You’re right! It’s Little Red Riding Hood. Amazing Job!” Josh praises some more, putting the paper in the pile.

“Alright! Last one, Old MacDonald had a mansion or a farm?” Josh reads the papers.

Again, we all take our time to think it over.

“I’ve got this one!” Steve chimes in, “But…just to be sure, what do you think Y/N?”

“I think it’s a farm!”

“I think so too!” Steve cheers on.

“Great job you guy!! You helped me put my stories back together!”

I cheer us on but then pause as my eyes hit upon Josh’s pile of stories. He must’ve seen it at the same time as me because Josh and I turn and look at each other at the same time.

“A clue!!” We say in unison.

“A clue?! Where?” Steve leans over.

“On the stack of stories.” Josh points out.

“So our next clue is a story…” I think.

“You know what this means, we need our Handy…Dandy….” Steve smirks.

“Notebook!!” I hold it up.

“Wow!! Steve let you hold his notebook! He must really trust you Y/N! What a big honor!” Josh praises me making me blush.

“Thank you.” I smile, handing the notebook to Steve.

He takes the crayon out and flips to the next page. “So our next clue is…stories. We’ll make a square with some squiggly lines in the center for writings. Then we’ll repeat this on the other side so we have two pages. There! A story!”

Steve lifts his head and looks to Josh and I. “But what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner with paper and a story?”

The three of us sit and think for a minute. “Oh!” Josh suddenly says “Maybe she wants to make her own stories!”

“Ohhhhhh.” Steve and I say in unison.

“But we better find the last clue, just to be sure.” I remind them as Steve hands me his notebook back.

“Definitely!” Josh smiles.

Mail time! Mail time! MAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLL TTTTIIIIIIMMMMEEEEE!

Steve and I gasp! “The mail is here!!”

Before we run out the door I stop, grabbing my backpack and pulling out Josh’s invitation. “Here Josh! It’s your invitation to Christmas tomorrow at our house.”

“Really?! I’d love to go! I’ll see you then Y/N.” With one last hug from Josh, I’m sent off with Steve back home for the mail!

We put our stuff down by the front door as Steve starts to sing, “Here’s the mail, it never fails, it makes want to wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail, mmmmaaaaiiilll!!!”

I giggle, joining Steve on the mmmaaaiiilll part.

We take out seats on the thinking chair. Steve in the center of the chair while I sit on the arm. Mailbox comes in through the window with a Christmas hat on.

“Mail’s here! Mail’s here!!” He happily cheers.

“I thought the post office is closed on holidays?” I ask Mailbox.

“It is! That’s very smart of you Y/N. The post office is closed on major holidays, but this arrived this morning for the two of you.” He opens up and inside of a red and green letter.

“We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from.” Steve smiles, opening the letter. He pauses and gasps, looking at me. “It’s from Santa.”

My eyes widen and I gasp as well, “SANTA?!”

“Yes! It says:

Dear Steve, Blue and Y/N,

You’ve all been very good this year. I look for to visiting your house tonight. Make sure not to stay up too late and please leave out some milk and cookies if you can.

Sincerely yours,

Santa Claus❤️”

I beam with excitement. “Santa’s coming tonight!!!!”

“Yes he is! We need to figure out what Blue wants to do tonight so we get to bed at a good hour and don’t accidentally see Santa Claus.”

Just as Steve says that Blue runs by. “Follow that dog!” I giggle, grabbing my backpack by the door and running after her.

“Wait up Y/N!” Steve calls after me.

Blue stops in front of a picture of Joe’s present shop. She barks a cute little song before she…goes into the picture?!?! I stare in disbelief.

“Where’s Blue?” Steve asks catching up.

“She…she’s in the picture.”

“Ohhhh she skidooed into the photo.”

“Skidoo?”

“Yeah! We can do it too! All you have to do is rock your leg and arms with me. Ready?” I nod following his lead.

“Blue skidooed we can too!” Suddenly we shrink and go into the picture frame!! Where once we were in our house, now we’re in the picture, or more specifically, outside Uncle Joe’s present shop.

“Wow!!” I smile to Steve, “That was awesome!”

“Isn’t it?” He smiles back. We turn and look to the present shop. “It’s my brother Joe’s present shop!”

“He’s the last invitation we need to hand out!”

“You’re right! Let’s head in and see what he’s up to.”

Inside the present shop was busy! Presents being wrapped and sent in all sorts of directions. Joe usually helps Santa out with the wrapping this time of year and it seems like this year was no different!

There, in the center of it all is Joe, making sure everything is in working order.

“Uncle Joe!!” I run into the shop and right over to him.

He immediately lights up seeing me, opening his arms and holding me in a tight hug. “Y/N!! Sweetheart!! It’s so good to see you!!”

He lifts me into his arms, holding me on his hip. “What brings you here today?”

“Well we’re on the hunt for Blue’s Clues.” Steve says as he joins us.

“Special Christmas Eve Blue’s Clues huh? What have you got so far?”

“We’ve got paper and stories.”

“Paper and stories…” Joe starts to think, “Now I wouldn’t want to say anything until you have the third clue, but…have you thought about maybe Blue want to make her own stories?”

“That’s what Uncle Josh said!”

“Really? So he copying me now?” Joe smirks.

“You’re copying him silly!” I giggle.

“Am I now? Am I?” He spins me around making me giggle more.

“How are the presents coming by?” Steve asks.

“Everything is going according to schedule. Santa should be ready to head out as soon as tonight!”

Suddenly my eyes catches something, I look closer and it’s….

“A clue!! A clue!!”

“A clue?!” Josh and Steve say in unison. “Where?”

“There!” I point to the square box cutter. “It’s a clue!!”

The two gasp, “You’re right Y/N! It’s one of Blue’s clues!! Good eye.” Joe praises

“The final clue is a square!” Steve examines the clue.

“Notebook!” I hold it out to Steve.

“Our handy dandy notebook! Thank you Y/N.”

“You’re holding Steve’s notebook? That’s such a big honor. Steve must really trust you.” He praises.

I beam with happiness, “Yeah! It’s a big honor.”

“So, the shape of a square. We’ll make one line at the top and equal size lines going down the sides and one at the bottom. There, a square.” Steve explains, showing the two of us the drawing.

“It’s our last clue!!” I cheer.

“Our last clue?! You know that that means, it’s time for our thinking chair!!” Steve cheers.

Joe sets be back down but before Steve and I go I stop and grab my backpack. “Uncle Joe! I almost forgot!”

I hand him the invitation, “You’re in over for Christmas tomorrow!”

“I am!” He looks at the invitation, “I’d be honored. I’ll see you tomorrow kiddo.”

I take Steve’s hand and wave goodbye to Joe. Once out of his present shop we skidoo back to our house. Then it’s off to the thinking chair!

Steve and I sit in our thinking chair. I hand him the notebook and we start to go over our clues. “So now that we’re in our thinking chair, let’s think. What does Blue want to do tonight after dinner? What was the first clue?”

“Paper!”

“That’s right! We saw the clue at Magenta’s house. But…what was the second clue?”

“Stories!”

“Yes! We saw the stack of stories at Josh’s house.”

“And the final clue is a square at Uncle Joe’s present shop.”

“So, what does Blue want to do tonight after dinner with paper, stories and a square?”

We sit and think…and think…

“What if…” Steve starts out saying, “she wants to write Christmas cards and put them in a box?”

“But then what would be the clue about stories?”

“Right…you’re so right….” Steve goes back to thinking.

There’s a moment of silence as the two of us think. Blue runs over and joins us as we think and think.

“I’ve got it!!” I suddenly say. Steve and Blue look to me. “She want to read a storybook after dinner! That would explain the paper as pages, the stories in the book and the square shape is the book itself!”

Steve lights up with the realization. We look to Blue who barks and spins around with conformation.

“You did it Y/N! You figure out Blue’s Clues!” He wraps his arms around me and picks me up, bringing me into a tight hug. “You are so incredibly smart! I am so proud of you Little one.”

I giggle and hold him close. “Couldn’t have done it without you Steve.”

“Aw! You’re sweet but I think the smartie here is you.” He smiles back, holding me in his arms.

“Steve! Y/N! Dinner is ready!” Mrs. Pepper calls from the kitchen.

“Oh! It’s dinner time! Come on, let’s go.” Steve carries me into the kitchen where everyone is seated at the big table for Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone is there, side table, slippery soap, the whole spice family, even mailbox.

We all have a nice tasty dinner together. Laughing and having fun with friends and family around.

Then like Blue ask, we all gather in the living room together. First we set out some milk and cookies for Santa along with some carrots for the reindeer.

Steve and I cuddle close together on the couch, Blue in my lap and a Christmas book in his hand. With his arm wrapped around me he begins to read, “‘Twas the night before Christmas…”

Somewhere in the story I fall asleep against Steve. With a kiss to my forehead, he picks me up and brings me into the bedroom.

~~~

It’s Christmas morning!!! I jump awake and shake Steve to wake up. “It’s Christmas morning!! Santa came!!”

Steve laughs and yawns waking up. “Good morning Little one, merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas Steve.” I smile back.

Blue jumps up into the bed and licks the two of us. I giggle, “And merry Christmas to you too Blue!”

We get out of bed and go right to the tree. True to Santa’s letter, we have plenty of presents under the tree!! I gasp, grabbing Steve’s when pulling him along to the tree.

The morning is spent unwrapping and exchanging gifts with everyone in the house. Then company comes over right after. First Magenta runs in and plays with Blue.

Then Josh and Joe come over. “Where’s my favorite Little?” Joe calls from the door. I come run over and reunite with my uncles. “Y/N! Thank you for inviting us!” Josh adds, the two smiling.

The rest of Christmas Day is peacefully and fun. Spent with loved ones and family alike.

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” Steve wraps his arm around me, kissing my forehead. Blue jumps up and kisses the two of us, ending the best Christmas ever!

[agere-fics]

Doctor Papa

dni: k!nk, anti-agere, agepl4y, or ddlg-esque blogs 🍄 this blog is a safe space for age regressors and age dreamers 🍄

pairing: caregiver!papa!bruce banner x regressor!little!reader

characters: uncle thor, bruce banner, reader, mentions of: steve, bucky, sam, and tony stark.

summary: you have to get MRIs done but you're nervous. thank goodness, papa knows how to cheer you up.

word count: 1,751

content warnings: MRIs, hospital gown, reader is written like they're a child's height, no mention of a particular chronic illness, please tell me if i'm missing anything

author's note: tadaa!! all done! this is the most i've written for a one shot! very proud of myself. also, this is inspired by me having to get MRIs done recently ajfhs

♡

Sometimes stuff we've done lots of times can still seem scary; which is annoying because who wants to feel anxious about the same exact thing over and over again?

You have to get these scans done by tomorrow. With every heart of your being, you wished that wasn't true but your previous scans were too old.

UGH!

Luckily, your papa had a trick up his sleeve.

He told you to stay here, in this gigantic, empty, white walled room. It was utterly boring, there were no paintings or statues or anything. Not even toys! Well, okay, you had your Mr. Rainy Day Bear but still... At least there were floor to ceiling windows- OH, and a skylight, too. Those were always nice.

While you waited for Bruce to come back, you watched what went on outside. There was Tony using his latest invention to attempt to lift Uncle Thor’s hammer. Tony still had no idea that it couldn't possibly work! How silly of him.

Bucky, Sam, and Steve stood in a far apart triangle. They were tossing around the Captain America shield like a Frisbee, guffawing, and yelling things that were joyously incomprehensible. It looked like lots of fun. Definitely more fun than MRIs. Maybe, they would let you join in later.

The double doors of the empty room swung open and papa’s humongous green form entered.

“Okayyy, love bug, I've grabbed all the cardboard pieces from recycling that weren't gross.” He grimaced thinking about the black, moldy gunk that spoiled some previously useful parts. He shrunk back down to Bruce Banner size after dumping the cardboard into a large pile. “We should have enough for our little art project.”

“Art project?” You looked at him expectantly. Your eyes were lit up with stars of joy this time, instead of meteor shower anxiety.

The idea was to make a cardboard MRI machine. Having an art project to focus on would comfort and reassure you about the process you would go through tomorrow. If he could make it fun, your anxiety wouldn't be so bad.

“I’ve seen the machine before, papa, I can make the bestest one yet!” You hopped on your toes, giddy with tight, flapping fists.

“I grabbed your sticker books and some paint, too-”

“OH YAY, THANK YOU PAPA, THIS IS SO EXCITING!!”

Mission accomplished. Anxiety gone, replaced with magical cure Art Project™. Bruce smirked to himself.

You laid down on a tall, square cardboard piece. Bruce traced your form with a sharpie as you giggled. Once you had the correct length, you both began cutting a rectangular piece and put that piece on a metal cart with wheels.

Then, you cut out half circle pieces and hot glued them all together until it made one large 4D sphere with a hole in the middle like a donut.

At one point, the glue burned you but Papa Bruce fixed it right up and stopped the booboo pain with a cure-all kiss.

Your cardboard MRI machine may look done to outsiders but it wasn't even close. It was missing the most important part of all: the stickers! There were heart stickers, stickers with dolphins, rainbow stickers, puppy stickers, stickers that had Mr. Hulk and Papa on them, too! There were even stickers of Stevey, Bucky, Iron Man, and Uncle Thor! Papa said for your birthday he'd make stickers with you on them, too.

You also painted squiggles, polka dots, lines, circles, triangles, kitty cats, and zig zags. All of them in your most favoritest color.

“There!” You stood proudly, hands on your hips. “Now, it's very, very pretty, papa.”

Papa gave you a minute and then asked, “Are you ready to practice?”

You blinked and sighed. Defeat warping your mood. “Yeah...”

Papa spun away, put a doctor's coat on, and then turned back, holding a clipboard. “Alright, are you the caregiver for Mr. Rainy Day Bear?”

“Yeah, papa.” You lightened up a little bit.

“Papa? No, I'm Doctor Doctor. Who's papa?”

“You're papaaa!” You pointed at him.

“Okay, okay I'm Doctor Papa.” He repeated, “Are you the caregiver of Mr. Rainy Day Bear?”

You tilted your chin up and did a faux British accent. “Why, yes, sir. He's feeling very, very bad and needs a scan.”

“Ah, yes, I see that on his chart, Caregiver.” He flipped through the scribbled pages on the clipboard. “Let's have. Mr. Bear lay down on the table with his head on the pillow.” Bruce gestured with his hand.

You laid your stuffie down on the pretend bed, placing Mr. Bear’s head gently on the pillow. You patted his hand for good measure.

Doctor Papa put ear plugs into the bear's ears and placed cushy pink headphones on him. The headphones had cat ears on them. Papa raised his voice a little, “Mr. Rainy Day Bear, what kind of music do you like to listen to?”

“Doctor Papa, Mr. Bear is nonverbal.” you said matter of factly. You raised your pointer finger to the sky. “I’ll answer for him. He likes The Wiggles, Papa- I mean Doctor Papa.”

“Alrighty then, The Wiggles album coming right up.” Bruce pulled out his phone, scrolling until he found the right music. “Wiggles rave?”

You nodded, then kissed the tippity top of Rainy Day’s head. “You'll be okay, Mr. Bear.”

Bruce began to push the cardboard bed into the donut sphere. You took a big, big deep breath in.

“BRRRR BEEEP AGHHHH RRRRR DNNNN-”

That breath was immediately released back into the atmosphere. “PAPAAA!” You clutched your chest, laughing so hard your legs felt weak.

Doctor Papa continued, “DRRRRR EEEEEE EHHHHHH MRRRRRR!”

You were rolling on the floor, tears leaving your eyes. How silly of your papa!

“BRRRRRrrrrrr….” Papa rolled the cardboard bed out of the donut. “How are you feeling Mr. Bear?”

“Papa, he can't hear you!”

Bruce laughed. “Oh, yeah, right.” He removed the headphones and then the earplugs. “How is the fantastic Mr. Bear?”

You lifted Mr. Bear’s paws and had him sign to Bruce, ‘I am okay.’

“Perfect! Let's take a look at your scans here…” Papa turned around and scribbled quickly on the paper. When he faced you again, he showed you the scan. It was a poorly constructed scribble of Mr. Rainy Day Bear with a big, biiiiiiiig, heart right in the middle. “I knew it, Lots-Of-Love-itis.”

You unburied the British accent. “Quite good, sir. Well done, Mr. Bear.” You placed a hulk sticker on his paw and hugged him tightly.

Papa kneeled down and asked, “Do you want to practice with you this time?”

You gave it a thought, looking this way and that. “Hmmm, will you make the funny noises again?”

“BEEEEP BRRR-”

“Not right now, Papa!” You shouted with a smile.

“Oh, during the practice?” He waited for you to finish rolling your eyes. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Okay…” You breathed in, out, in, and out slowly. “Let's practice, Doctor Papa.”

♡

“Big day, lille venn.” Uncle Thor said as he helped tie the back of your hospital gown. He double knotted the strings behind your neck and then the ones by your hip. “There you are. All set.”

You frowned at that, looking at Thor with big, watery eyes. “Not all set.”

“It'll be okay.” His hands (placed on your shoulders) turned you to face him. “Remember your breathing?”

“Mhm.”

“Let's do it together.” He raised his left hand as you did the same. “Climb Yggdrasil, breathe in.”

You traced up your pointer finger.

“Let's sit at the very top, hold your breath.”

You paused at the tip of your finger.

“Slide down the Yggdrasil branches, breathe out.”

You traced down your pointer finger.

Uncle Thor had you repeat that four more times, until the tears dried and the anxiety flowed further away.

“Very good, great job. Let's go see Papa.” He held your hand as he walked you towards the scary room. Worse than the boring room from yesterday.

You turned the corner and there was Papa at the computer. “Hey there! The computer’s prepped and waiting for you, little one.”

You looked at Papa, then Uncle Thor, and then Papa again. “Okay… I'm ready.”

Papa led you to the metal bed. It was rectangular and thin. A sheet was laid out on it so you wouldn't get super cold. There was a thick pillow on the end that had your favorite kitty cat pillowcase on it, which made the corners of your lips turn upwards.

Papa pressed an arrow down bottom next to the donut sphere that brought the bed down to your level. He held your hand as you hopped on and then helped position you onto the center. He guided you through a big, deep breath so that your body was as comfortable on the table as can be instead of tense.

Next came pink headphones with cutesy kitty ears on them and plain boring ear plugs so that your hearing wasn't hurt from the loud noises. Papa already set up your favorite kind of music so when the headphones were placed on you, it was already playing. Bruce furrowed his brow in question, moving his thumb up and down. You replied with a thumbs up. You were ready.

Bruce handed you a panic button to hold just in case and laid a blanket over you to keep you warm. Papa kissed the top of your head and left the room.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in and out.

BBRRRRRRR

‘It's okay. I'm okay.’

BEEEEEEPPP

‘Woohoo, I'm doing awesome!’

REEEEHHHHHH

‘This is boring, it's got to have been a bajillion minutes by now.’

After ten years (minutes), the machine stopped and Papa walked back into the room. He gave you a high five and bunches of praises that you only heard some of because of all the ear protectors. But you could tell by his facial expressions that he was so very proud of you.

He pressed the arrow down button again and the bed began moving to an easier height. You removed the headphones and earplugs yourself, you felt like such a big kid (in the best way)!

You stretched this way and that while making funny noises which made you abrupt into hearty giggles.

Bruce held your hand as you jumped down. Next thing you knew, he was hugging you tightly, picking you up, and spinning you around and around!

“I'm so very, very proud of you, bumble bee!”

You kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Papa!”

♡

[softspace-fics]

His to cherish.

A/N - I saw this tiktok sound and immediately wrote this up, it's been a day on my end but I hope you guys get a smile out of this <3

Masterlist - All my work!

Warnings ⚠️: None! All fluff, bucky being in love.

_______

Bucky cherishes the days where him and Steve stay home with you. When you woke up small today, they were so excited to be able to finally have a day to be caregivers together.

After a long few weeks of them being stuck in either the tower or on a mission, they finally had a day where they were both home and you could have both of your caregivers.

Steve had let you sleep in their bed the night before because he was just so excited to be able to spend all day with you. This included wanting to wake up and hold you close to him.

Steve who normally would drop everything if someone in the tower needed him or at least respond because he always had a objective to be a responder completely turned off his work phone and even his personal phone. He wanted no interruption from the others that weren't you and Bucky.

Days like this Bucky knows hes about to die if absolute cuteness overload because the days you have both of your cgs is the days your littlest side comes out and your able to be as free as you need because one of them will always be there.

When Steve gets into "Nothing but my babys" mode, he knows you will get practically anything you want, and bucky will get unlimited kisses (not like he doesn't get that anyways, but they just feel so different when Steve's overflowing with joy).

Bucky realized soon after breakfast that he needed to go out to the store and get some new things for dinner. He loved to cook for you and Steve, and seeing as Steve would burn anything he touched, it was a good thing he loved to cook.

"Hey, I have to head out to go get a few things from the store, do you need anything?" Bucky steps into the living room where Steve has you on his lap facing him while you were holding his face.

Steve's laugh filled Bucky's ears as you squished your Papa's face and were trying to imitate fish noises.

"Steve, do you need anything from the store?" Bucky asked again, leaning against the kitchens door frame, admiring how happy you both looked.

"Huh? Oh uh, no I don't think so?" Steve glances up at Bucky before returning his attention to you.

Bucky figures he'll get you and Steve a surprise at the store while he's there but if Steve needs anything, he'll text him.

Bucky gathers his items to leave the house and puts on his shoes before he turns back to the living room where you and Steve still were.

"Okay I love you guys I'll be back" Bucky's voice echos loud enough to be heard but not to startle you or Steve.

"Love you!" Is all he hears back.

Maybe he heard wrong?

Bucky walks over to you and Steve when have transitioned into laying on the couch next to eachother, the tv playing your favorite cartoons.

"What?" Bucky asks.

"What?" Steve looks up at him confused.

"I love you." Bucky repeats, looking at Steve with a eyebrow raise.

"...Love you too?" Steve continues to look at Bucky, unsure of what Bucky's getting at.

"I love you"

"Love you too??"

"Who loves me??"

Steve finally puts two and two together and looks at Bucky before laughing slightly and looking at buck with a humored apologetic face.

" We love you, buck." Steve smiles at Bucky before he glaces down at your droopy eyes. He begins to play with your hair before looking back at Bucky.

"Thank you." Bucky smiles before he walks over to the couch and kisses your basically asleep head.

Bucky goes to walk away before Steve catches his hand and pulls him into a kiss, them both smiling into it.

Bucky eventually pulls away, and kissed Steve's nose before heading out to the store. The moment making him smiley the entire way.

The days where neither of them have to hear anything about the bad parts of the world and they're able to just absolutely bathe in eachothers plus your love are the days they remind themselves they can do anything.

Bucky cherishes the days where him and Steve stay home with you, because this meant that the two most important people to him were around to love him, but most importantly, he was around to love you guys.

____

[steddieas-shegoes]

Every Father’s Day, the party has a vote for who gets the number 1 dad mug for the year. Eddie wins every year.

Steve pretends it doesn’t hurt, but it stings and aches the way the kids don’t seem to see him as a role model or protector or caregiver the way he’s always strived to be.

But on the third year in a row of Eddie winning, he can’t hide his disappointment fast enough. Eddie catches it, El catches it, and he thinks Will sees him force the fake smile on his face.

So the plan takes root.

Eddie gets Father’s Day because at this point it’s kind of just his holiday. They consider giving Steve Mother’s Day, but that’s too far away and may be pushing the “mom” thing too hard. They also consider giving him July 4th, buy fireworks just for him.

But it’s actually Max who suggests it. The day before his birthday he’s usually pretty miserable; hates that it’s another year where his parents forget he exists, hates that he’s upset about it, hates the memories associated with lonely birthdays.

So now it’ll be Father’s Day 2.0 and he won’t have a choice but to relax and be appreciated.

And they do appreciate him.

They get him his own mug that says “Team Mom” and he secretly (and not so secretly) loves it. They all cook for him, which ends up being a bit of a disaster, but it’s the thought that counts and the house didn’t burn down, so it’s a win.

At the end of the night, they all head home except for Eddie, who is there to be the first person to see him at midnight. And this year, he’ll lean in to give him a birthday kiss, the first of many.

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Sicktember #28

Prompt: “I should have stayed home.”

Fandom/OCs: MCU (Sick Steve Rogers)

Words: 860

Sicknario inspo: "You ARE sick" from this post and this post.

Author’s comments/background: Read the label on this one I guess. Sick miserable Steve as requested with caregiver Bucky. Short and sweet as always. Nothing much to see here. 

CW: Emeto, v*mit. Not overly long or explicit, but definitely there. 

~~~***~~~

Steve was lying facedown on a bunk in the Quinjet when the rest of the team (except for Bruce, who was working on de-Hulking) entered, talking in low voices. Natasha went to him immediately, looking worriedly at the blood coating one side of his uniform as she shook his shoulder. He turned toward her, his face drawn and pale.

"Steve, are you okay? Did you call for a medevac?"

Steve shook his head. "I'm not dying. There's no emergency."

"Then why the hell did you pull out? We almost had them!" Tony shouted. "You almost cost us the fight!"

Steve winced. "I was a liability out there. I was barely functioning. I'm not… I'm not well at all…."

"Wait, was that spear that hit you poisoned or something?" Clint asked anxiously, joining Natasha at his side, probing the area to find the source of the blood, but Steve moved away, shaking his head.

"Think I'm coming down with something," he mumbled. "It started a while ago, even before we left. And I think my side is already healed. It's just the old blood now."

Natasha pressed a hand against his forehead, none-too gently, but pulled it back almost immediately. "Whew, you ARE sick! Jesus, I almost got a first degree burn from your skin."

"I thought you couldn't get sick!" Tony chimed in.

"So did I," Steve groaned. "I have no idea what's happening."

"Well we're not gonna figure it out in the middle of the jungle. Let's just get out of here. We can deal with it when we get home," Clint said. 

"Roger that," Tony said, going to the controls. "Soon as we find our big green friend."

"Are you sure you'll make it, Steve?" Natasha asked. "You look awful."

"I feel it, too," he agreed. "But I don't think I'm dying just yet. I can hold out a while longer."

~~~

Many hours later, Steve was again lying facedown, this time in bed in his suite in Avengers Tower. He heard JARVIS unlock his door and swing it open to admit Bucky, who had just returned from his own mission. Neither spoke at first as Bucky took in the bloody clothes on the floor and the supersoldier huddled on the bed under a mound of blankets. 

"How's it going, Stevie?" Bucky finally asked, sounding overly casual as he pulled up a chair to the side of the bed. 

"Not so great, Buck. I feel absolutely awful."

"It must be really bad if you're admitting it, especially to me. Did something happen to you on the mission or is it just that you're sick?"

"Nothing happened on the mission, but I might as well not have gone. I wasn't feeling great before we left and it only got worse. That's how I got stabbed--I was totally out of it and my reflexes were shot. The team handled it. But going didn't do me any favors. I should have stayed home."

Bucky leaned forward to press the back of his hand to Steve's cheek. "Classic Stevie with a raging fever, just like the old days," Bucky sighed. "At least you're not a 90 pound shrimp anymore. What did–?"

"Oh God," Steve interjected with a guttural groan. "Bucky…."

"Oh shit!" Bucky said, leaping up when he saw Steve's expression. "I've got it, hang on…."

He dashed to the bathroom and snagged the garbage basket then rushed back to Steve's side, holding the pail to his face just in time to catch the rush of sick that came spewing out of the younger man. The explosion was short-lived and, thanks to Bucky’s quick action, overall mess-free. It left both of them panting, though. Poor Steve fell back into the pillow with another groan, this time self-pitying and exuding abject misery while Bucky made his way back to the bathroom, holding the bin at arm’s length. 

“Whew, you ARE sick,” Bucky said, trying to take on a lighthearted tone as he washed out the can in the shower.  

“Nat sat the same thing,” Steve replied with, Bucky thought, a hint of a smile. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever known who throws up from a high fever. Unless there’s something else going on that you’re not telling me,” Bucky said, glancing at the bloody clothes again as he reentered the main room. 

“No. Just the fever. I’d really hoped the serum had taken that lovely symptom away, but no such luck. It’s like adding insult to injury. And Medical says they don’t have anything I can take for it, either, as usual. I’ll just have to ride it out apparently.”

“And they have no idea why you’re sick? I thought that couldn’t happen to you anymore.”

“So did I. Another thing I thought I left back in the 1940’s. No, they have no idea. They just drew a bunch of blood to run tests, but none of them sounded hopeful that they'll find anything. Lucky me.”

“Lucky you,” Bucky chuckled, sitting back down at his friend’s side. “But you’ll make it through this just like every other sickness you’ve ever had. And I’ll be right here with you the whole time, just like always.”

“Really, Buck?” Steve said, a hopeful, innocent look crossing his face as he lifted his head slightly to look over.

“Really, Stevie. Cross my heart.”

The pair shared a tiny smile before Bucky helped Steve lie back down, covering him warmly.

[tayatheauthor]

Pick A Crystal

Aquamarine: I roll it around my throat. You are finding it difficult to make a voice for yourself without being a channel for others first. You speak for the voiceless, but in this fight, you find it hard to distinguish the 'you.' When you are asked what you feel, you might find for the first time you are at a loss for words. Meditate. Let the cool orb just roll, let your tongue be a similar ease.

You Will Not Take My Heart Alive Song by Joanna Newsom

Jasper Mookalite: Playfullness. Elvis Presley. First love. Butterflies and seeing a person for the first time in a million different ways. Protect at all costs. Unironic Golden Retriever energy. Laughing yourself to tears. Inside jokes. The Telepathy of Friendship, one look and you are both bursting out laughing. It is creating a bubble of love and light. It is sharing an umbrella. It is Lindor chocolate melting in your pockets. It is catching fresh fallen snow on your tongue.

More- Remastered 2004

Bobby Darin

Pretty Blue Eyes Steve Lawerence

Black Tourmaline:

Amethyst: Remember, the refrigerator box episode of Daria? "The hammer forgets, but the nails remember."

Goddess Hestia: Homewarming.

Caregiver burnout.

Hell is for Children

by Pat Benatar

Emerald accompanied by a rolling Aquamarine:

Goddess: Lakshmi (Hindu). Life's four inherent values - Economy; karma, pleasure; dharma, honor; and moksha, freedom - the achievement of which brings true fulfillment.

Riddle of the Week #6: The Burning Rope Problem

Media: Family Karma

Four cards from the Art of War:

ONLY ENGAGE IN CONFLICT WHEN ALL OTHER ALTERNATIVES HAVE BEEN EXHAUSTED.

"...to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Aura by Lillyisthatyou

[georgiapeach30513]

Oh 🥹 I don’t know why, but this one was emotional for me to write. All of it. It might not have been love or even lust at first sight, but they trusted each other immediately.

Bucky is her safe space, and Alpine is her daughter, and she knows who love that kitty the mostest.

Bucky always wanted her okay, and safe. He has good intentions from that first meeting.

Uhhh….okay, she might not have questioned things that first night, but we did skip a bit ahead, so….there is that.

She is an angel. Her father was a lot of mean things, and then just when her life was going good, she became the caregiver to her father. So even when he was sickly, in a way he was still abusing her. That burning started her healing process. She needed that.

Bucky needs Shy, and Shy needs Bucky. They’re very codependent in ways. And they’re working on building a family.

This is honestly the way I see Bucky. He can be a bit obsessive, but he has the sweetest heart. I mean, it is very different than Steve and Dove. The tone is completely different, they style is different. It’s just in the same universe.

It’s okay, cry. I won’t judge.

Your Mark On Me, Part 5

Summary: Bucky and Shy Violet

Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Shy!Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, depictions of anxiety/panic attack, depictions of social anxiety, mentions of child abuse, mentions of death of a parent, arson, unprotected sex, PIV sex, creampie, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 5.9K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*Bucky Barnes edits by Nix Akimbo

*Dividers by @firefly-graphics

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

You inhale deeply. Exhaling as you take another step forward. This was a bad idea. It hadn’t been long enough.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Blinking away the tears as much as you can, you look at the aisle in front of you. Grocery shopping shouldn’t be so difficult. And it shouldn’t hurt so much. You drank coffee. You needed things to make the perfect coffee, and it made you think of your father all over again.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

You’re not a particularly claustrophobic person, but the aisles are closing in on you. It is becoming difficult to breathe. Just reach out and grab the milk. It was right there, and you needed it. You were told getting out would help you. It wasn’t.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

There are eyes all on you. They are judging you. Whispering about you. They hadn’t seen you out since before your father passed. They were talking about his death. You hear someone even whisper something about a mercy kill.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Your lip trembles as you reach into the cooler. Grabbing onto the milk. You did it. Now to put it into the cart. Inhale. Exhale. One movement at a time. This would have to be all you got for for today, you are already exhausted thinking about checking out. A cart crashes into another, and you flinch, dropping the milk loudly onto the floor. Exploding the carton everywhere.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Dropping onto the floor, you hug your knees to your chest, counting to six way too many times. You messed up again. You failed again. You were being laughed at again. You were hated again. You were a joke again.

“Hey,” his voice is soft as he places your hand over his mouth. “Feel my breath,” you look up at him confused as he deliberately breathes onto your fingers. His silver eyes look at you with the utmost tenderness.

“There ya go. Just like that,” your breathing starts to regulate, and you feel your ass soaked in spilled milk. “Uh uh, keep feeling my breath,” his voice is soothing. Caring. You hadn’t heard a voice like that in years, if ever.

Your body slowly stops rocking as your breathing finally gets back normal, “There she is. Do you need help standing?” You give him a nod, and he pulls you up right along with him. “You want me to get you some more milk?”

“No,” you answer suddenly. He doesn’t question you. Just nods gently. “I’ll just make a grocery order, and pick it up later.

“Okay,” he doesn’t say anything. He just watches you walk towards the exit. You didn’t even thank him. You just walked away. You couldn’t turn back now. So you tell him thank you in your mind, and hope that with enough conviction, he will be able to feel it.

Bucky’s mouth turns up into a smirk as he follows you. Not close enough that you will notice him though. He had to make sure you were okay. Had to know that you would make it home safely. He’d even provide you with milk if that’s what you needed. But something tells him that approaching you would be too much.

He’d find out where you lived, and then find out more about you. It wasn’t weird, it was his duty to make sure you survived making it home. A panic attack could be dangerous. And he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that you weren’t okay.

Close enough to watch you, but far enough away that you couldn’t see him. That is his goal.

Bucky leans his body up against his motorcycle. His eyes are focusing in through your window. He worried about you. You had left in such a hurry, and your driving had much to be desired. Dusty old truck. No way it was yours.

You pace around in your living room before sitting on the couch. Bringing your knees up to your chest, you start rocking back and forth. Whatever had caused your panic earlier still was causing havoc on your mind. He knows there’s nothing he could do without making you even more uneasy, but he can’t leave you unattended.

What if something were to happen, and you needed him? It’s a risk he wasn’t willing to take. So instead, he watches you out of the corner of his eyes, while he searches around for your story. So much was put out on the internet for people to find with very little research.

A few clicks and he discovers your veteran father had just passed away recently. Survived only by his daughter. You. Judging by the state of the house, you were the sole caregiver. A few more clicks, and he sees you are quite the prolific writer. You had taken a sabbatical, to care for your father, and you wrote under the pen name Violet Anne Bailey.

It wasn’t your real name, but there is something about Violet that suited you. A shy Violet whose power was in her words. He goes ahead and buys all your books, just to understand your mind a bit more. You are celebrated. Loved. And no one knew or cared that you had a tornado of emotions being worked out in your head.

It’s a shame to see someone who is able to weave and create worlds have her own world in shambles. He needs to know about your father. What was your relationship like? Was he a good man to you? Bucky would kill him again if he wasn’t.

His eyes scan over his phone, determining he was definitely going to have to kill him again. How many domestic violence charges were made and dropped against this man? How many CPS visits were made to this very house. No wonder you were inside of your head, you were still living in your own personal hell.

There were no convictions. Bastard. No one in your life ever put you first. Once upon a time you even had an apartment on your own, but it was short lived. Your dumb ass father had you crawling back here to care for him. He hates him. You had spent his dying days caring for him, but no one cared for you.

Bucky would. Bucky would stay right here just to make sure you were okay. Bucky would do whatever he could to ensure you made it out of here. And could finally relax. Could quit living in turmoil. You deserved better. You deserved freedom.

You slam your computer shut, and rub the back of your neck. Three words. Three insignificant measly words. This place ruined your creativity. You lost your apartment. And nothing was available to rent, and now you sit on a stinky couch with cigarette burns all over the cheap fake leather.

This house smelled musty. Holes in the wall, light fixtures broken, the useless house phone was pulled out of the wall, leaving creepy wires hanging out of the sheet rock. Who even knew where it was. His bedroom was locked on the outside. It was your first act of defiance. Removing the latch from your own bedroom, and placing it on his. Even his stupid padlock was placed there. It stayed locked. His mean self would probably haunt you in your sleep if it wasn’t.

Sleep you hadn’t been getting. You catch your face in the broken mirror, and turn away. Haggard. You had never looked so rough. He was dead, and still you knew no peace. His final abuse of his power was to make sure you never forgot him. In death he still controlled your thoughts. You still tapped on doors three times before opening them. You still could only leave the sink faucet running for ten seconds at a time.

And the worst part is no matter how neurotic he made you, it didn’t matter how many times he shouted at you, or threw things beside you, you didn’t hate him. You made excuses for him. He didn’t throw things at you. He always missed. His words of anger were more directed to your mother who left him. And you. She couldn’t handle his PTSD. Or apparently you.

You wanted more than this crappy house. It received the brunt of the abuse. He never even bothered to fix the damages. How it didn’t burn down with him passed out on the couch, you’ll never understand. His liver. Of course it was his fucking liver. You got to see an alcoholic choose his death of withering away from his addiction.

You didn’t ask for this. And neither did he. War is not kind to anyone. Especially survivors or their families.

You slap your own hand out of your mouth, and stare down at the gnarled skin. Just how long had you been chewing on your finger? The cuticles were dry and ripped to shreds. You needed a manicure, but the thought of another human touching you, while everyone else giggled about their lives makes you sick to your stomach.

He was always going to control your life. You hated him, and pitied him, and still you are the one that suffers. This house wasn’t even worth selling. Perhaps the land would be. But this place was trash. It was begging to be burnt to the ground.

You wondered how many times your father’s cigarette fell on this couch that the walls of the house smiled in glee. Fire would cleanse this place. Fire would cleanse you.

Placing your hands on your knees, you push yourself up to a standing position, and look down the hallway. His bedroom door still had the padlock on it. The key was on a chain around your neck. You didn’t even trust your father’s ghost. He’d be pissed if he knew you locked his spirit up where he slept. You did care.

Taking a deep breath, your shaky hands lift up to place the key in the lock. Twisting it slowly before you push it open. Nothing had changed. And you didn’t try to work on improving anything here. You wanted a cleanse. Your wobbly legs carry you to his bedside table, and you pull out the matches. Your body locks in place as your father’s ghost screams inside your mind.

He is pissed. He knows what you’re doing, and you just didn’t care.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Taking a deep breath, you strike a match, and lay in gently on the bed. Lighting a few more, and repeating the process. His liquor. Cheap Canadian Mist whiskey was still hidden in the closet. Grabbing it out, you pour the remains onto the bed, watching a burst of flames that darken the ceiling. It is beautiful.

Some people describe fire as biting and evil. These tickled the air. Rejoicing right along with you as it eats up vile memories that your father left behind. You go back into the closet, and pull out the other bottles of whiskey. Pouring them onto the floor, and creating trails to other parts of the house.

You needed it all gone. Every bit of it. You didn’t want any more ties to this damn house. Finishing up in the living room you pick up your laptop, and hold it tight to your chest. The crackles from the fire feel almost cozy. Leaving you with a beautiful memory before you say goodbye.

You watch it as your fiery friend starts to travel to where you are. Greeting you with a big smile as it engulfs your surroundings. You whisper a silent thank you as sleep starts to cloud your vision. It will be a divine ending for this house. One it didn’t deserve.

Bucky bursts through the door, and you’re too enraptured by the cleansing of your childhood, you don’t take notice. “What the fuck!” He grunts, stomping over towards you. Grabbing onto you as he pulls you out of the house.

The further he takes you the more you start to focus again, “No! I wanna watch it,” you sob, trying to wipe the tears away from your face. You need to see this. It would heal you. “I gotta see, please!”

The figure behind you never removes his hold, but he stands still, allowing you to watch the house be swallowed up by hell. Just like it deserved. A sad smile creeps up onto your face when you finally hear the sirens. It was too far gone. They couldn’t save it.

An old high school boyfriend turned firefighter gives you a nod before rushing with his colleagues. There is nothing left but the bones of the house, and even those were slowly turning to ash. He was never going to be able to haunt you again. You gave him away to his demons. Right along with his favorite thing. Canadian Mist.

“You got somewhere to go?” Your ex says your name, but you’re too busy watching everything start to crumble. “You her boyfriend?”

“Not exactly,” Bucky extends a hand out to the man, “Bucky.”

“Jake. She uh…she started this didn’t she?” Bucky shrugs his shoulders. He assumed you started it. It happened so fast. He barely even finished pissing when he heard the blazing death trap. “I’m the one that investigates this. She talked about it being her dream for a while. I don’t want charges brought against her. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I understand, and if you need some monetary compensation for making sure she doesn't get charged, I can make that happen.”

Jake shakes his head. He looks down at you, but you are in a complete zone? Shock? None of the words seemed to fit. He supposes it's all the above. “She needed this. She’s cleansing. It’ll be wiring or something. That house has had its fair shares of small fires that the old man put out with an extinguisher anyways. No one will question it. I’m also pretending to be taking her, well your, statement. Just trust me. Can you tell me where you're taking her?”

“Are you her boyfriend?” Bucky’s eyes narrow at the younger man, but he shakes his head no.

“I’m just a friend. She’s a good one. Didn’t deserve these past few months. It’s…it’s changed her even more. Uhh…you’ll make sure she’s safe tonight? That she’ll be okay?”

“I’m the one that got her out of that house. She was standing in shock in the living room.”

“She’ll need her medication. Last I talked to her the psychiatrist prescribed some things. She told me therapy was helping. But she needed this. Just give me the address, and I’ll come by in the morning,” Bucky nods to the boy, and Jake jogs to his truck. It was a lost cause for the house, but they had to put the flames out. This would have been a decent place to live, but it seemed like a bad omen to build here.

“Violet?”

“That’s not my real name,” you respond, finally turning to look at who is holding you. “Y-y-your the guy that…from the grocery store.”

“I was coming to bring you milk. You never got it,” that was a bit of a lie, and you knew it. There wasn’t a car. Only a bike. And there was definitely no milk. “Do you have somewhere you can stay?”

Shit. This wasn’t thought through. You had nowhere, and nothing. Just the clothes on your back, and the laptop in your arms. A different kind of tears wells up in your eyes as you look between the house and Bucky.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

“Hey, hey, I gotta place. There’s two bedrooms, and a couch. I’ve got some clothes that don’t smell like smoke, a warm shower, and even Wi-Fi.”

“Do you have milk?” Bucky chuckles a bit, and nods his head. “You don’t want to kill me?”

“If I wanted you dead, I’d have left you in that house.”

“I don’t like people.”

“Good. Neither do I. It’s a small little house outside of town. No neighbors,” what other choice did you have? If Jake didn’t have a girlfriend, he might have been an option. Even though you would have felt obligated to sex. You didn’t want sex. You wanted to sleep.

“Do you have anything besides cheap whiskey to drink? I haven’t been sleeping a lot lately.”

“I have melatonin,” you scrunch up your nose, annoyed at his words. “I also have something that might be of comfort. Come on. Let’s get you somewhere out of the cold, and get a shower. I’ll make you some soup.”

“I like pizza rolls better.”

“I don’t have those, but I have pepperoni, cheese, marinara, and I can make it happen,” who was this man? When things are too good to be true they often are. “I’m Bucky.”

The longer you’re on the back of his motorcycle the more you worry about yourself. Why are you here? Why are you with him? What if he wants to murder you? What could possibly be worse?

He smelled nice. He had kind eyes despite the piercings and tattoos he had. He never touches you more than necessary. His hand never drops to your thigh to make you uncomfortable, but who was he? Was he bad news? Was he your worst mistake? And you just left with him. This wasn’t good.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

“We’re almost there,” his head turns to the side, hoping that you hear him. You did. It’s tunnel hearing. It’s the only thing you heard. His voice is nice.

His bike pulls into a garage, and you take in your surroundings. Maybe he meant good, but maybe he was pure evil. Would he have saved you just to murder you? Maybe. It’s what they did to prisoners.

“Come on,” he holds his hand up for you, and you take it nervously. I’ll grab some clothes, and show you to the bathroom. Take as much time as you need. I think Jake wants you to send him your address. It’s 42 Cherry Tree Lane,” nodding your head, you sit your computer down on the nearest surface, and pull your phone out of your pocket. Thankfully it had been there.

“I’ve got a charger you can use.”

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Fluff takes you out of your mind space, and you look down to see the most beautiful fluffy cat staring up into your soul with beautiful blue eyes. It weaves its body in and out of your legs, and you look up at your savior with glossy eyes.

“I’m impressed,” he squats down to hold out his hand, but the kitty doesn’t move towards him. “Alpine, are you ignoring me? She’s normally a hater of new people. Baby, come see me,” his voice is still so soft, but she doesn’t attempt to leave your legs.

“She's a good companion. Alpine, baby girl, you watch our guest, I’m going to get her some clothes. You want to show her the bathroom, she smells like smoke,” Alpine purrs again, and sets off at a trot. Stopping to look back at you when you don’t follow.

“She’s showing you where to go, and it looks like my bathroom.”

“Oh, I don’t have to…”

“Alpine is the boss here. If she wants you in the big bathroom, that’s where you should go,” you chase after the kitty with Bucky right behind you. She jumps up on the counter, and sits up proudly looking at the bathtub.

“Here,” Bucky hands you a few clothes, and you mouth thank you, but no sound comes out. “You can take my bed,” he shrugs his head back into the bedroom, and then points to under the counter. “Just keep the bathroom door open. This is her bathroom, too.”

“Bucky?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you know how to make grilled cheese?”

Bucky stands at the edge of the woods watching you walk around the house. Nothing on but your silk robe. He could see your nipples pushing against the fine fabric. Alpine was meowing up at you while you pace. She always worried about you when you got like this. He wondered how many nights you had been like this. You missed him. This was like your waiting game. Every night pacing the living room floor. Picking up your baby kitty to kiss over her fur.

And every night Bucky saw you on the cameras, he missed you even more. He shouldn’t make you wait, but there is something sweet in your routine. Your mouth moves as you count to six. Biting at your lip and looking out into the woods. You wouldn’t see him, until he was ready for you to.

He steps out of the shadows, and your face immediately lights up. Smiling so big as you pull the phone up to your ear, “Bucky, what are you doing?”

“Watching you,” he answers softly. Taking only one step closer to you.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“A while,” taking another step, he laughs when you puff out a bit of air in annoyances.

“Yeah, well, you could go ahead and come home. Seeing how you’ve left me here for weeks by myself,” there you had to go and put your fingers on the window. You are adorable, and he just wants to hold you. Rubbing up and down on the glass, like you are touching him.

“Yeah?” He whispers, taking one single step forward. “And just how do you think you’re going to get me in the house?” You hang up the phone, and pull apart your robe. Nothing else was on. There is only one person you feel comfortable with, and it was Bucky. You smooth your hands down the curves of your body, starting to laugh when Bucky sprints towards you.

Slinging open the door, you jump into his arms the second he crosses the threshold. Smiling up at him in your so sweet way, “Hey, James,” you giggle, kissing the tip of his nose. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, my Shy Violet,” he bites at his lip just once, but his eyes never stray from your angelic face. He makes no comment about your cunt pressing up against his stomach, or your tits just below his eye sight. “What have you been doing without me?”

“I finished my book,” god, you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on. “Want me to read you the last chapter?”

“Of course, Shy,” leaning towards you, he gives you the softest chaste kiss. Ghosting his lips down to your chin where he kisses up your jaw. Ending right behind your ear, “you want me to make us some hot chocolate?”

“Oh,” you give him a little pout, trying to wiggle out of his arms. “James, put me down.”

“I can multitask. I don’t have to put you down,” his nose nuzzles into your neck, and all the anxiety of him being gone melts completely away. You learned a long time ago to not worry about what goes on with the business, to just be happy he was with you. “Shy, why are you looking at me like that?”

“Tell me what she’s like,” Bucky gives you a bit of an eye roll as he sits you on the counter. You start to close your robe, but he shakes his head no.

“No, you…you keep that how it was. I need something pretty to help decompress.”

“Do you like her?”

“She’s a troublemaker, and also oddly perfect for Steve,” Bucky isn’t the most forthcoming with information. You had to prod him a bit. “You know how Steve is.”

“Just from what you tell me. He’s intense, he’s a brute, he’s passionate, and he’s quick to anger. He sounds like a terrible person for me to be around. Does he actually like her though?” Bucky waits until he pours out the milk before looking back at you, nodding his head. “How do you know?”

“He hasn’t killed her,” your mouth drops open in surprise. Surely Bucky was joking. “She has this bratty side that fulfills this need to control that Steve has. She’s a virgin, and it’s made him blind. So blind he didn’t realize what a target she’s become. People are beginning to realize Steve has a weakness. It’s wrapped up in this cute little packaging.”

“Would…you’ll die trying to save her life, won’t you?” He walks over to you, placing his hands on either side of your body. Pulling his arms in closer until he’s squeezing you. His head lays down on your chest, and you wrap your arms around him tightly. “Who’s going to protect me then?”

“You don’t need protection anymore. You’re more of a fighter than you realize,” that’s not what you wanted to hear. “Shy, baby, what is it?”

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I fought my whole life, and when I’m with you I get to relax, and breathe, and I don’t have to count. You’re my safe space,” moving his hands on both your cheeks, he presses his lips against yours, and holds you. “I don’t like her.”

“You’re not going to meet her.”

“Can’t Steve just…he can ask anyone to guard her. Why not Scott or someone else? James, I need you. She doesn’t need you. I…do,” his cool blue eyes stare so deeply into yours. Such a bittersweet homecoming this was turning into. “You don’t want to burn the milk, Jamey.”

Exhaling slowly, he turns to tend to the milk, but holds a hand behind him for you to touch. You hated a woman you never even met. And hated that even more. “Is she nice to you?”

“She invited me in for coffee, and got her ass spanked.”

“What does her pussy look like?”

“You sound jealous,” you weren’t jealous. You just didn’t get Steve’s kink of needing to show his women off. “Shy, you know the only puss I want to look at is Alpine. And the only pussy I want to taste is you.”

“Don’t call our daughter a puss,” you scrunch up your nose, ready to call Alpine, just so you could hug her. “She’s beautiful. And perfect.”

“Just like her mama,” he smiles, turning back with two mugs of hot cocoa. “Here, my sweet little Shy girl. You want to read your chapter for me?” You shake your head no, pushing aside his shirt. “Are you jealous that you can’t see my titties, too?”

“Yep. You have nice titties, so let me see them,” setting his mug down just to remove his shirt, and you pull him right up to your chest. “I love you, bubba.”

“I love you, baby. Have you thought more about what we talked about?”

“Remind me,” you giggle, giving him quick little kisses to his chest, but he pulls you up to look at him. Holding you by the chin.

Bucky sighs, running his thumb over your lips. His voice is so soft, “I don’t want just Alpine to be our daughter.”

“We can get another cat.”

“I meant a baby. I want a baby with you.”

“Do you promise not to die?” With his crooked smile, he nods his head one time, “I’m ovulating, Jamey.”

With one twinkle of an eye to let the words set in, he scoops you up in his arms, carrying the two of you to the bedroom. His eyes still never stray. Ever the gentleman. Always. Laying you down on the bed, he spreads your legs wide, staring down at your glistening folds. Spitting down, his fingers gently massage your bundle of nerves.

“You didn’t need my spit.”

‘You have this ability to always turn me on. Mmm,” you sigh as your body starts to heat up. Relaxing at his ministrations. His free hand starts undoing his pants before he shakes himself out of them. Stopping his touch on you only to crawl on the bed, and uses your legs to pull him where he needs you.

“Remember what the doctor said,” you remind him, and he yanks you tighter against him. His cock laying flat against your body, and the salacious moan for what little he was doing rings into the bedroom. “We gotta let — let your cum sit me in.”

“I’ll fucking plug you up if I have to. I just want to see your cute little bump with our baby inside of you.”

“Shh, I’m supposed to be getting fucked, not having dreams of you holding a baby,” his hand adds pressure to his cock, and he slides it through your velvety lips. Getting right at your entrance when he smirks at you. He only thrusted hard one time, and that was entering inside of you. Bucky was someone who made love.

You brace yourself, nodding slightly, and he rails into you. The only thing stopping him are your bodies colliding. You were never going to get used to his size, and yet, your body always craved him. Always needed him.

He lets your back settle on the bed, and he drops his weight on you. Holding himself up by his forearms, “Hey, pretty Shy. Are you gonna let me know when you’re good?”

“Mhmm,” you breathe him in. Inhaling his masculine scent. Your fingers drift up and down his back. Going lower each time until your dainty little fingers grip the voluptuous spheres of his ass. “I’m…” another word gets stuck in your throat as Bucky draws his hips back.

His cock slides out of you before it slowly pushes back in. His forehead presses against yours, and it’s just the two of you. Only you and him in a bubble of love and safety. You aren’t sure how Bucky was able to take every brick off your wall, and allow himself into your heart, but he did.

He was always surprising you. A man that everyone feared was the biggest teddy bear when it came to you, and your daughter, Alpine. He hadn’t ever raised his voice towards you. Your arguments were minimal. You two had created a good life. You had gone to his small little house, and never left him. Even made a big step in buying a house together out in the middle of nowhere.

Bucky’s lips pucker out randomly for a kiss. It’s like even though he’s closer to you than he can possibly get, he still can’t get enough. They’re just pecks, but they’re desperate and needy. Giving a roll over on the bed, he stares up at you as you readjust your body.

Getting settled, you bounce over him. Admiring your boyfriend’s dashingly handsome face, and a sinful body. Bucky was carved by the gods in the sky, and the underworld. A fallen angel completely. Intricate lines, and blacked out blank spaces covered him from the waist up. He would even let you color them in with markers during your writer’s block

He was all you had ever wanted, and even more than you could have imagined. Even your most perfect fictional boyfriend did not compare to the man that was whimpering below you. You loved it when got like this. Hearing him turned on by your movements, so much that he got vulnerable and made sweet sounds makes you melt.

No man should be like this, and yet there he is. You feared Steve was asking too much of him, and all you wanted was for him to start coming home every night like he used to. It wasn’t being selfish. It was protecting Bucky when he couldn't’ protect himself.

He grabs tightly to your hips, holding you still before he launches himself up inside of you at lightning speed. Eyes rolling into the back of your head as heat drains into your belly. That fuzzy feeling that only Bucky could create tickles every inch of your body. Right as you start to scream his name, that familiar high speeds through your veins, followed by his warmth painting your walls.

Thick ropes of cum shoot into your womb, and he flips you back on your back. The backs of his knuckles brush against your skin as he smiles down at you. “Shy, will you marry me?”

“Will you always come home to me?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

Bucky brushes your baby hairs off your face. Looking down at his fiance. You’ll notice the ring when you wake up. He hates himself for asking you that way, but it felt right in the moment. Alpine snuggles up against you, your own little heating pad. She once loved only Bucky, and now she just tolerated him.

He glances back down at your printed out manuscript. Reading the final paragraph for the finished book. He didn’t deserve you. He wasn’t a good enough man to come home to someone as perfect, and as smart as you, but he did. Every book you wrote amazed him at how you created worlds from nothing.

It was your way of escaping as a child. Fabricating fictional worlds, so you didn’t have to be present in your real life. The best part of your books is he could tell what part was influenced by him. The way you saw Bucky is something no one ever has before. You saw him as an innocent angel, and Bucky was more of a devil, and had no wings.

You stir in your sleep, looking up at Bucky, “How long have you been up?” You ask without opening your eyes.

“A while. Go back to sleep. It’s still dark,” you blink yourself partially awake as you stare at him. They didn’t make perfect men. They just made Bucky.

“What do you got?”

“Baby, this is perfect,” reaching out to hold his hand, you gasp looking at your own. The most pretty little diamond. It was just what you wanted. It wasn’t gaudy or flashy. It was just perfect. “You were so sleepy I was able to slip it on.”

“You had an actual ring? How were you going to propose? Surely it wasn’t while your sperm was trying to find my egg, was it?”

“No, sweetheart,” he chuckles, sliding his fingers over the pretty diamond. “I was going to cook us dinner, and we were going to walk to the river, and while you were busy trying to sit on the swing, I was just going to drop to my knees.”

“I like the way you did it better.”

“Oh, yeah, why’s that, you sex fiend?”

“Because we were together. Hopefully creating a life. Even if our daughter was fussing on the other side of the door. It was very us, bubba.”

“I’m going to talk to Steve about getting Dove her own bodyguard. You’re right. I think Natasha would be a good fit for her.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he pulls you in close to his body. He gets a short death stare from Alpine, but she falls back asleep soon after. “We can’t lose you.”

“We?”

“Yeah, eventually, me, you, and Alpine will have our little human.”

“Well, mama Shy, close your eyes, and get some rest. Grow our little egg. You’ve got me all weekend,” that sounds heavenly. You hate to waste it on sleep, but you were tired, and your baby was so warm and cozy. Bucky was, too.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989 @theinheriteddutchess @annaallicce @feyfantome @jesevans @tittittoee @bananapiedreams @onclouds999 @darkserenity24 @abbatoirablaze @ashychangeling @identity2212 @mrsevans90 @weirdothatwritess @floralwsloki @thestralwriting @ambearsstuff @softherveauxs @kandis-mom @hoodiesandicedcoffee 

[munsonsprettygirl]

Y/N is exhausted and Eddie just wants to help

pairing: eddie munson x little!reader

summary: y/n’s sleep is plagued by nightmares and eddie discovers a way to help her. nsfw mentions but no smut. caregiver!eddie softness

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Y/N can’t sleep. The nightly rest that she once adored is now plagued by nightmares and monsters that no amount of Benadryl can shake. They leave her feeling fuzzy and scared and helpless and more above anything Y/N hates to feel helpless. Preferring to stay up rather than battle another nightmare; she’s awake long into the night. Tip-toes downstairs while her parents are asleep to watch treasured vas tapes of Care Bears with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. There’s a certain fuzziness that comes after, coupled with the feeling of being underwater. It’s nice and warm there, where Care Bears and soft blankets matter more than the trivial aspects of high school. 

For a while, it works. She can keep up with her schoolwork and friends on the mere three hour naps she takes after school. Then sleep deprivation catches up and swallows her whole. She starts nodding off in classes she previously found interesting and misses out on important notes and due dates. Eddie nudges her when she does it. Blames it on boring content material because, shit, he’s practically falling asleep himself. But then she does it at lunch even with the surrounding clatter of noise echoing in the cafeteria. Slumps right there on his chest where anyone can see and he shakes her out of it before they do. 

“Hey, hey.” He pats her shoulder until she whines, rubs her eyes and then nuzzles back into him. “Sweetheart, you can’t sleep in here.” He holds her by her cheeks and waits for her to open her eyes. When she does they’re red-rimmed and hazy with sleep. The lavender circles underneath look painful and Eddie strokes them with his thumb. “Why are you so tired, hmm?”

“Can’t sleep.” She mumbles, hardly loud enough for him to hear. 

Eddie sighs and reaches down to his bag, messes around in the pockets before he pulls out a pair of sunglasses and slots them over her ears. “Here.” He drops a kiss on her forehead and guides her head back to his shoulder. “I’ll wake you up before lunch ends. But we’re going to talk about this later, okay?” There’s a hint of worry in his voice and she feels her chest ache because Eddie always worries so much. Worries if she’s eating and taking care of herself. How she’s doing in her classes and making sure she doesn’t push herself too far. Always calling her when she needs him and holding her close.

Y/N closes her burning eyes and lets the wash of sleep rinse over her while Eddie strokes her back, chest vibrating with the conversations he shares with his friends. 

                                                       .              .              .

When school lets out on a Friday afternoon, the hallways crows with relieved teens pushing each other over to escape the suffocating building and forget about it for two days. Dustin’s slipping through the chaos beside Eddie, rattling off about the campaign he’s writing and what he wants to do with his character for Eddie’s campaign. Eddie hums and nods but his eyes are searching over the sea of heads for Y/N. He sees her once they get out to the sunny parking lot, leaning in the window of Steve’s car and talking to Robin. His sunglasses are perched on the top of her head, pushing her hair away from her face. Dustin opens the back door and slides inside, the sound of Steve griping about his dirty shoes floats through the open windows. Y/N looks over her shoulder to where Eddie stands and bids Robin goodbye, backs away from the car as they drive off, shouting at her from the windows. 

“What were you two talking about?” Eddie asks once he’s hanging onto her side, his arm wrapped around the waist of her soft baby-pink sweater.

“Oh, just English class. Robin’s going to let me borrow her notes.” And it’s a little bit concerning because Y/N’s never had to borrow notes. Usually, she’s the person you would borrow notes from. Eddie’s done it plenty of times. Marveled over her pretty handwriting and the way she dots her i’s. “Shakespeare, you know?”

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles, opens up his passenger door and helps her in. He rounds to the other side after throwing their bags in his backseat trying to push down the worry that’s rising in his stomach. He pops into the drivers seat and looks over at his girlfriend, rubbing her sleepy eyes and yawning. Thinks about how warm her body will feel pressed to his while they cuddle. The way her breaths feel like velvet against the skin of his neck. “Hey, why don’t we go back to my place?”

“Oh, I really shouldn’t-“

“Please, baby? It’s the weekend and I miss you.” He pouts, taking one of her hands and kissing around her knuckles and down her wrist. 

“I don’t have any clothes.”

“You left some at my house and, besides, you usually sleep in my shirts anyway. C’mon, you can pick a movie out for us and I’ll run out and get us snacks and dinner or whatever you want.” He gives his best puppy eyes just to make her giggle and when she does she lets her head roll back to his seat and for a second he can see the liveliness that once surrounded her.

“Fine, fine. But I have to call my parents and let them know.” Eddie smiles triumphantly and leans across the center console and drops a wet kiss on her cheek. 

“You won’t regret it, babe. Get ready to have the best night of your life.”

                                                                             .              .              .

Eddie makes box brownies while the opening credits of Labyrinth roll across the TV. Wayne waves hello to her and steals Eddie’s Twizzlers on his way out the door. Says he’s working a double and makes Eddie promise not to burn the house down. Y/N giggles from where she’s curled up on the couch wearing one of Eddie’s shirts and a pair of cotton shorts she’s left there and whines for Eddie to hurry up in the kitchen. 

“Ok! Ok! Jeez…” Eddie sets a timer on the brownies and runs over tot he couch and pulls her onto his lap. “Whiny little thing you are.” He teases and pinches her thigh, smile spreading when she wiggle sup his thigh away from his pinching fingers. 

“Just wanted you to watch Labyrinth with me.” She pouts while Eddie pokes at her sides and leaves kitten licks behind her ear. 

“Ughhh, haven’t we watched this movie enough? I think I know every word to it.” Though he did partially learn every word just so he could dramatically reenact Y/N’s favorite movie when he needed to. Or force her to sit in his lap and let him wave her arms around while his knees bounce beneath her and he horribly sang the lyrics of Magic Dance. The laughs that spilled from her sounded so light and pretty he wanted to hear them forever. Moreover, being the reason for her laugh s was an honor he took very seriously. They filled his tiny trailer and made everything seem warmer and coated his heart with an added layer of love and adoration for his girlfriend. 

“Eddie, stop!” She laughs, half-heartedly fighting against him. 

“Dance magic, dance! Dance magic, dance!” He ignored her, large hands holding onto her forearms and thrashing them around, watching her eyes squeeze up in laughter. Eddie let her go once the song was over and she clambered off his lap to sit beside him. 

“That’s the last time I’m sitting in your lap.” She mumbles but there isn’t any seriousness in her tone. So Eddie smirks and drapes his arm over her shoulders and pulls her in, pressing kisses to the side of her face. He fusses over her while she tried to watch the movie, trying to turn her eyes away and distract her by leaving nibbles on her neck nd shoulders. Y/N batted him away and tried to wiggle out of his arms, but he persisted, loving all over her until the timer for the brownies went off. 

“You know what would make the brownies taste even better?” Y/N asked from the couch while Eddie took out the pan and set it on the stovetop to cool. 

“What’s that?”

“A joint.” Eddie throws her a toothy smile and points the oven mit at her. 

“That’s a great idea, baby.” She pauses the movie only to follow Eddie into his bedroom where she sits on his lap, holding his handmade D&D figurines while Eddie stuffs bud into a grinder. He tells her about their next campaign and watches with fond eyes as she turns the figurines over in her hands, handling them delicately. 

“Is this your character?” She asks, pointing to another figurine. Adorned in black robes they hold a sword that stands out amongst the blackness. Purple vines up the sides of the sword and look like magic. The figurines hair is black and flowing behind them. 

“Yup, that is Fenven Silvernight. He’s a level seventeen half-elf vampire warlock that I’ve been playing since I was twelve.” Eddie says proudly as he opens up the joint paper and starts spreading out the ground-up weed. “You can play with him, if you want.”

Y/N picks him up slowly, feeling as though she was holding one of Eddie’s greatest treasures. “Dustin’s writing this campaign right now that he wants me to be in. It’ll be his first time DM’ing but I think he’ll be great at it. Besides, I’ll be able to get some XP and level up Sir Silvernight.”

“Level up?”

“Ah, it’s a long explanation but the more you play the better your character becomes. You get to do more things like work with a patron diety. But I’m trying to level up to an Eldritch Master. That way you can entreat your patron for more spell slots.”

“Do you make up your own patron diety?”

Eddie nods and his tongue pokes out while he rolls the paper over the filter, trying to keep the crumbs inside. “Haven’t yet for this campaign though. Maybe it could be you.”

Y/N laughs. “Me?”

“Yeah! We could do it together, you can name them whatever you want and decide their abilities and weaknesses-“

“Can Warlocks and patrons date each other?”

Eddie blushes and brings the joint up to his mouth and seals the paper shut with a lick. “Well, duh, that’s a given. Fenven Silvernight would be on his knees for you, sweet girl.” Eddie twists the top of the joint closed then pulls open a drawer, rummaging through fine-tipped paintbrushes and pens until he pulls out a lighter. “Alright, m’lady, light her up.” 

They smoke down the whole joint until they’re both giddy and feeding each other the corner pieces of the brownies. Labyrinth is still playing on the TV but it is forgotten about once Y/N is lying down against the couch, hips bucking up into Eddie’s while needy whines escape her. They spend the rest of the night fooling around, stroking each other and laughing airily until sleep comes. And Y/N, so caught up in her adoration, forgets she doesn’t sleep at night anymore. Snuggles into Eddie’s bare chest while he combs through her hair. He talks some more about Fenven and deity’s until his voice is faraway and sleep overcomes her. 

                                                                             .              .              .

Eddie’s eyes peel painfully open. There’s a cool breeze coming in through his open window, leaving goosebumps across his skin. He turns over to throw his arm over Y/N’s tummy but finds her curled up legs instead. Her face is turned away from him and when he cracks open his eyes he can see her moonlit shillouette through his eyelashes. 

“What are you doin’ awake?” Eddie slurs, rubbing his sleep-crusted eyes with the back of his hand. There’s a soft sniffle coming from beside him and he sits up on his elbows. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“Shit, sorry Ed’s. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Her voice is small and sounds distraught. “Go back to sleep, baby.”

“Uh-uh. You’re awake and you’re never awake in the middle of the night.” He reaches out a hand and lays it on her shoulder, feeling how her body trembles beneath his hand. “Baby you’re shaking-“

“I’m fine, Ed’s.”

“No, no, no. You’re not fine. You’re shaking and you’re clammy. What. Is. Wrong? Did you have a bad dream?” Another sniffle and the nod of her head confirms his suspicions. “Oh, honey. It’s okay, c’mere.”

He pulls her down to his chest, heart aching when she curls her fingers into his shirt and takes in a shaky breath. “Shh, shhh. You’re alright, I’m here.” They stay that way until her breathing slows down and the grip on his shirt lessens. Eddie pets back the sweaty strands of hair around her head. “You wanna tell me about your dream?”

Y/N rolls back against Eddie and stares up at the ceiling. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if you’re scared.”

She sighs. “It’s always the same. I’m in the woods and it’s dark and there’s something coming after me. A monster I think.” She pauses. “I try and run but my legs aren’t working and I can’t get away or wake myself up.” Her voice trembles again and she covers her face with her hands. “It’s so silly.”

“No, no, no stop it. It’s not silly at all.” Eddie reassures her, rolling so he’s propped up over her. “H-how do you wake up? If you can’t on your own?”

“When the monster gets me.” Her voice is ice-cold sending chills down his spine. He touches his fingers to her cheeks and strokes over where her tears have dried. 

“You said they’re all the same.” Eddie begins and her eyes flick to his, waiting for him to continue. “How long have you been having these nightmares?”

She swallows nervously. “Almost two weeks.”

“What? Two weeks? You- you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you! I’m sorry.” Then her voice is trembling again like she’s going to cry and Eddie feels awful. 

“Baby, baby, baby. Don’t want you to apologize.” He presses a long kiss to her head and cradles the back of her neck. “I worry. Okay? I’m always going to worry.  You’re my life. My everything. My baby.” He kisses her again. “Is this why you’ve been so tired? Because the nightmares wake you up?”

She nods and sniffles. “Sometimes they wake me up but lately I’ve just been… not sleeping.”

“Wait, what do you mean not sleeping? Like not at all?”

She hums in answer and Eddie lets out a long breath and drops his head into her neck. 

“I’m sorry.” She apologizes again and Eddie cuts her off by shaking his head. 

“No more sorry’s. I’m serious.” He bites down on his bottom lip and looks over her face, strokes it gently like she could break at any moment. “I wanna help you… if you’re okay with that. I know a few things about curing bad dreams.” 

“I- I think I would like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” She answers and Eddie smiles and leans forward with another kiss. He flips the covers of of him and rolls out of bed with a grunted, “Alright baby,”

He comes around to her side of the bed and stands in front of her, draping a fuzzy blanket around her shoulders. “C’mon.”

“What?” She questions, cocking her head. “Where are we going?”

He lifts her with a quiet groan, one arm underneath her bum and the other around her back. “We’re going to make you sleepy.” He answers, stumbling through his dark bedroom until he reaches the door. “I know just the trick.”

That’s how they end up in the kitchen with Y/N sitting on the counter, slightly swinging her legs while holding the blanket around her shoulders. Eddie doesn’t realize it until that moment how small she looks. Her eyes are a little hazy, almost like they would be if she were high, but the redness in them is one from exhaustion, not smoke. They talk softly while Eddie moves around the kitchen, pouring milk into a mug and heating it up. Feeds her some of the leftover brownie and wipes the crumbs from her lips. Notices how wherever he touches her she leans into it a little more than she usually does and that’s how he knows somethings up. His girl is a brat, an independent and sometimes crude little thing when she wants to be. Quips back at everything he says with an amused giggle. Tonight she’s quiet and waits for direction, needs to be told what to do and how they’re going to do it.

When the microwave beeps he pulls himself from where he was standing between her thighs and she whines. “Hold on, baby.” Eddie soothes, slides his fingers around the microwave handle and gives it a tug. He takes out the steaming mug and looks into the frothing bubbles. He adds a couple drops of vanilla and honey, feels Y/N’s eyes on him while he does it. 

“What do you do when this happens at home?” Eddie asks, stirring the milk while the spoon softly clinks against the mug. 

She nuzzles further into the blanket and locks her ankles together. “You’re gonna laugh.”

“Why would I laugh?”

“Because it’s dumb.”

“Y/N-“ Eddie adds a couple more drops of vanilla and stirs again. “Nothing you do is dumb especially if it’s helping you when you’re having nightmares.” He sets down the spoon and reaches into a cabinet for the cinnamon. “So?”

“I take my blanket, go downstairs, and watch The Care Bears Movie.” She says it so quietly Eddie barely hears but he nearly doubles over clutching his chest in adoration. 

“God, that’s so fucking cute.” He kisses her warm cheeks. “Not dumb at all, baby. I love Care Bears.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, they’re like the most metal bears around.” Eddie answers and she snickers, watches him take a sip from the mug and hums. “Here, you try.” He hands her the mug, not thinking about how the hazy look in her eyes and the way she’s slower than usual would impede her ability to hold a mug. But it does and Eddie barely catches it before Y/N spills milk all over hers (his) pajamas. “Shit babe!” Eddie yelps, holding the mug away from her. “Okay, I’m going to give this to you now.” He chuckles to relieve the tension from her shoulders, noticing the embarrassment that tickles her cheeks. He holds the mug up to her lips and tilts just enough so that she can sip from it. Her eyes flutter shut and she takes a long, slow sip. 

“Mmm, tha’s good.”

“Isn’t it? Wayne used to do this for me when I was a kid.” Eddie recalls fondly. “Alright, now, I don’t have Care Bears but it is-“ He cranes his neck to where the green oven clock blinks back at them. “Three in the morning so I am sure that there’s some adequate cartoons on somewhere.”

Y/N smiles and cradles the side of Eddie’s head, skims her finger across his temple. “Thank you, Ed’s.”

He returns her smile and gives her a gentle peck. “No problem, baby. Arms around me,” He tells her and she does, hides her face in his throat while he maneuvers them to the couch with the mug in his hand. Settles into the corner of the couch and flips Y/N around, gets her to hold the mug with two hands while he flips through channels, deciding on The Smurfs. He takes the mug back and brings it up to her lips again, lets her sip on it a couple times before he takes it away. They do this until the mug is empty and Y/N’s body is slumped against Eddie’s, her eyes are heavy with sleep but she refuses, rubs them with her knuckles until Eddie bats them away. 

“You can sleep, sweetheart. I’ll keep the bad dreams away.”

                                                                             .              .              .

After that, Eddie tries to find more ways to make Y/N fall asleep. He pulls out his worn copy of The Fellowship of The Ring, situates her on his chest, and reads her the books under the soft light of a bedside lamp. When they’re three chapters in and she’s still wide awake, he runs her a bath. Adds bubbles from his body wash and sets out a warm fluffy towel. He sits on the floor beside the tub and makes a bubble beard on her face then yelps when she blows them back at him and they land in his hair. When that doesn’t work he drives them around town, hoping the rocking of the van would soothe her to sleep. Except, when they get back to the trailer she jumps down on the grass with the liveliness of someone who’s gotten a full nights rest. He brings her to bed and gives her three mind-blowing orgasms that tire him out but after cuddling for a mere five minutes she’s blowing on his face and poking at his sides.

Nothing is working and Eddie’s running out of ideas. Y/N’s convinced herself she’s a creature of the night but she says it half-heartedly because she would love nothing more than to curl up beside her boyfriend and sleep. Monday morning arrives and she gets ready for school in Eddie’s bathroom after a sleepless night. Runs cold water over her face until her eyes are no longer a painful red color. 

The week passes in a daze of short-lived naps and stacks of assignments that build-and-build. Y/N’s having to ask for extensions in classes she’s never had problems in and now her teachers are becoming concerned. Mrs. O’Donnell catches her nodding off and embarrasses her in front of the whole class. The entire ordeal makes her cry and, after, when Robin’s helping her wipe up her smeared mascara she snaps because the lights are too bright and everything to loud and she hates the way the wet paper napkin feels on her face. Then she’s crying more, apologizing, curling in on herself and feeling too small and out of control for anything. When she gets home and cleans herself up, she calls Eddie, trembling as she clutches the cord of the landline and waits for him to pick up. 

“Hello?” A deeper Munson voice crackles through the other end and Y/N sniffles and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“Hi, Wayne. It’s Y/N. Is Eddie there?”

“Yeah, he’s in his room. I’ll get him. You okay?”

“Mmm-hmm.” She mutters, holding back another wave of tears while Wayne gets Eddie. He picks up the phone a moment later, breathing frantic as he fumbles the phone to his ear. 

“Baby? Baby what’s wrong? Wayne said you were crying-“

“Eddie…” Her voice shakes and everything comes crashing down around her. “I’m so tired and I fell asleep in English and I got yelled at and Robin just wanted to help me but then I snapped at her and I feel so bad because she’s always so sweet to me-“ 

“Shit. Honey, slow down and take a deep breath.”

Y/N throws her head into her hands and sucks in a breath but its cut off by another sob. “Need you. Just need you.”

“Ok, ok. I’m on my way. Gonna take care of you alright?” Eddie promises and Y/N whimpers out agreement, hears the sound of his keys jingling. “I’ll be there in a bit, baby.”

                                                                             .              .              .

When Eddie’s van pulls up outside her house she’s sitting on her front steps, hiccuping with her arms wrapped around herself. Eddie spills out of the front seat and runs towards her, gathers her body in his arms before she can stand. The smell and warmth of Eddie have her crying again, pitiful little sobs leaving her as Eddie rubs her back while her shoulders shake. 

“M’here, sweet thing. Right here.” He presses kisses into the side of her head that isn’t buried in his hoodie and sways her. Breathes in her conditioner and clothes. Notices how her fingers curl into the fabric of his hoodie and she melts into his touch. He pulls away from her and cups her face, the rings cool against the hot trails of tears marking her cheeks. Y/N takes in his worried expression, even more apparent since his hair is pulled up in a ponytail letting her see the entirety of his face. He frowns and kisses her forehead. “Need you to take a couple breaths for me. We can do them together?”

She nods but chokes on the first slow inhale they take together, breath shaky on it’s way out. 

“Good girl. Let’s do it again.”

The second breath is easier than the first, and by the third the blood rushing to her head has slowed. On the come down from it she can feel herself slipping into that fuzzy place. Her eyes are droopy and her arms feel like they’re hanging off her body. Eddie’s eyes are glassy when they look at her. The brown softer than she remembers and it almost makes her cry again. 

“Shh, no more tears, sweetheart. Let’s get you home.” He throws his arm over her shoulder and helps walk to the van

                                                                   .              .              .

Eddie runs into the drug store while Y/N stays in the car, dozing off against the window on the passengers side. He hated to leave her alone but between her weekend visits, Eddie and Wayne live on the bare minimum of groceries. He grabs a half-gallon milk jug from the fridge and a box of Cocoa Puffs. He finds the chocolate in the gift aisle and picks out an expensive one he thinks she would like. Before he can head to the register a blue plush bear catches his eye. It isn’t until he sees the little red heart on it’s side before he realizes what he’s looking at. When he turns the bear over, it’s tag reads “Bedtime Bear” and he wants to burst out laughing. The top is soft against his hands and it’s large, patchy eyes stare right through him. He stands there smiling while he imagines what Y/N would think of a Care Bear stuffy. He’s seen the other stuffed toys hiding behind her bed pillows, the ones she holds when she’s sick or sad. It’s always appeared more as a personal comfort but Eddie wonders if she would share this one with him. Then his eyes are falling to the shelf next to the Care Bears and he makes out a blush pink baby bottle decorated with smiling crescent moons. 

It’s the tenderness of the thought of using it that makes everything click into place. The reason why she wants to watch children’s shows and snuggle with blankets. The sleepy, adoring film that comes across her eyes. Her willingness to let Eddie hold her however he chooses. Always slinking in behind him and watching everything he does. Those clumsy hands trying to hold onto a warm mug and failing. 

He puts the bottle in the cart, checks out of the store as quickly as possible, and puts the bags in the back of the van so Y/N won’t see what’s inside. When they get back to his trailer he sends her into his bedroom while he puts away the groceries and hides the bottle in the cabinet behind old Tupperwares while he seeks out a better hiding spot. 

“Eddie?” He jolts after hearing Y/N behind him. “Is Wayne here?”

“No, sweetheart. He was leaving for work when you called.”

“Oh.” She frowns and steps towards him, eyes shy and cast at the grimy tile beneath them. “I miss him.”

Eddie’s heart clenches up and he brings her close for a hug. Wraps both his arms around her back and rocks her. “I know, baby. Me too. But he’ll be back in the morning. First thing.”

“Before we wake up?”

Eddie chuckles and kisses her warm forehead. “Yeah, before we wake up.”

He puts a smile back on her face by reading her his new Hellfire notes. Does all the voices and the impressions just to make her laugh. Fixes her a bowl of ramen and feeds it to her when her she keeps dropping the fork against the bowl. They bring Eddie’s comforter onto the couch to watch He-Man, Y/N laying on top of Eddie’s chest while his hands stroke up and down her back. He can feel her body getting heavier against his as she relaxes, pushing him into the cushions of the couch. He gasps suddenly, remembering the bear. 

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Let me up for one sec.” She whines in response but rolls off of him and bunches the comforter around herself. Eddie disappears in his bedroom and pulls the bear out from his closet along with the bar of chocolate. He holds it behind his back as he nears her, a smile growing on his lips. “Okay, you have to close your eyes.”

“What are you doing?” She giggles and Eddie hushes her and repeats himself until her eyes pinch shut. He brings the bear around from his back and places it in her lap. 

“Okay, open.” Her eyes peel open and hands come around the side of the bear to pick it up. 

“Is this-“ Her eyes flick up to Eddies and the dimples in her cheeks deepen as she smiles. “You got me Bedtime Bear!” She hugs the plush toy close to her chest and buries her face in the top of him. “I love him! I love him! I love him!”

“I’m glad you love him, sweetheart.” Eddie smiles and sits beside her, watching her pet over the soft bear. “I also got youuuuuu-“ He shows her the chocolate. “Dark chocolate. I read somewhere that a couple pieces can help you fall asleep. Anddd it’s the yummy kind.”

Y/N’s cheeks heat up and Eddie watches the smile on her face turn into something softer, more vulnerable. Something she reserves for him. “Thank you, Ed’s. I-I don’t know what to say.”

Eddie cups her cheeks with his hands and lays kisses all over her face. “You don’t have to say anything, sweetheart. You’re my girl. Gonna take care of you until you tell me to fuck off.”

She breathes out a chuckle and the gaze that she holds with Eddie turns hazy. Eddie’s chest swells up and fights the urge to swaddle her up and bring her close. 

“Do you- do you think-“ She stumbles around her words, fiddles with Bedtime Bear and looks away. “Do you think you could make me the vanilla milk? If you want to.”

Eddie leaves a wet kiss on her lips before hugging her close, breaths in her sweet smell and rocks her. “I want to, baby. I’ll be right back, okay?”

He leaves her to her new toy and the chocolate while he bustles around in the kitchen making her milk the way she likes it. When he peers over at her from the kitchen she’s looking smaller than ever, mumbling to Bedtime Bear and playing with his arms. He thinks of the bottle hiding in the cabinet and in a moment of shamelessness fishes for it in the cabinet and approaches her with it.

She looks up from her bear, lips twitching at seeing Eddie, then her eyes fall to what he’s holding and her head cocks just a little bit. “Is that a baby bottle?”

“I saw this at the drug store, next to where I found Bedtime Bear. I don’t know why I got it but I-“ He struggles to find his words. “I noticed sometime it’s hard for you to hold the mug and I’m worried you’re going to maybe drop it on yourself one of these days and I don’t want you to get burnt. But ah,” He fishes for more words to say, to explain why he thought buying her something that’s meant for babies was a good idea. 

Her eyes stay fixed on the bottle, heart fluttering at the way his ringed fingers wrapped around the pink bottle. The fuzzy feeling seeped in and consumed her. She was slipping fast without any chance of stopping. 

“I was wondering if maybe I could… maybe… feed it to you in the bottle if—“ Eddie takes a deep breath but he dosen’t let it out. “If you’re okay with that.” He reaches the hand that’s not holding the bottle to mess with his ponytail back and she can see how nervous he is from the way his eyebrows are screwed up together. “I just thought it might be better because then we don’t have to worry about you spilling  and you can lay down when you drink it or snuggle with Bedtime Bear or-“ 

He’s cut off with the thud of her flying onto his chest, squeezing around him so tight he can’t breathe. He hesitates hugging her back but then she’s crying again, locking her arms around his shoulders while she shakes. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, honey. I’m sorry.” He starts apologizing but she interjects, shaking her head while she sniffles. 

“No, no. I-“ She lets out a breath. “Nobody’s ever… ever wanted to…” She’s blubbering and crying again, clutching onto him and her bear. “I love you.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Eddie wraps himself around her, nearly crying himself from the relief. “I love you too, so much.”

                                                       .              .              .

Eddie pours the milk from the mug into the bottle and screws the top on tight. Flips it over to make sure its closed and checks the temperature of the liquid on his wrist. Y/N watches him approach her slowly, narrating everything he’s doing and asking her if everything was okay. It was all okay with her. Even though her heart was racing in her ears there was still a sense of safety that Eddie gave her. She maneuveres herself across Eddie’s lap and follows his hushed instructions. 

“Lay back on my arm, baby, there you go.” He holds her head on the inside of his elbow, his hand coming round to her shoulder. She can feel his rings over the shirt, a cool feeling that grounds her. Then they’re shuffling around again while Eddie pulls the comforter around them, fishes for Bedtime Bear and tucks the blanket around him too. “Okay, you comfy?”

“Yeah, m’comfy. Love you.”

“And I love you, sweetheart.” They share another kiss before Eddie holds up the bottle and tips it towards her. He doesn’t move it again, or talk. Just waits patiently for her to make the choice to open her mouth for it. And when she does she’s met with sweet praise and reassurances. 

The milk tastes even sweeter than before and makes her body feel all warm. She blinks at Eddie through lidded eyes and reaches a hand up to swipe his teary ones. She can feel the love pouring out of him all at once and it makes her cry too. Then they’re just sniffling on his couch, watching each other, while Eddie feeds Y/N a bottle. 

She’s realizing how much she’s needed this. The patience to just be small and soft and float away on that cloud that spreads throughout her until everything tingles pleasantly. She stops crying to smile at the feeling of it and Eddie mimics her. 

“What’s got you all smiley?” He turns his head into her palm and kisses it.

“You.” Her voice is muffled by the bottle but Eddie still hears her and the corners of his eyes crack in a grin. “I lub you.”

He leans forward until his nose is pressed into the crown of her head. He breathes her in slowly and closes his eyes. Turns his cheek onto her head and starts swaying the both of them. “You have no idea how much I’ve needed this. Needed to love you and do this for you.” He pulls his head back to look at her glassy eyes and apple cheeks. “Is it okay?” 

Eddie’s referring to the milk but also to the entire situation. He’s always scared he’s going to overstep with her. That his doting and babying will make her want to run away. His heart squeezes up while he waits for her response. And it comes, delivered around the bottle with a droplet of milk sticking to her bottom lip. 

“’S perfect, Ed’s.” Fuck. He wants to cry all over again. Squeeze her up tight and keep her on his lap where he can always watch her and take care of her every need. 

“Good, I’m glad.”

She falls asleep halfway through and Eddie spends a while just watching her. Makes sure her face doesn’t twitch up from any nightmares and keeps her bear from slipping from her arms. Doesn’t make any moves to wrongly rock or disturb her and after an hour of him rocking her, he’s wondering if she’s asleep enough to take to bed. He tries to stand up with her as smoothly as possible but his legs almost give out from underneath him and he almost drops her all together. But once he’s standing he makes his way to his bedroom, dragging the comforter behind them, and situating her on the bed with his pillows around her and her bear tucked to her chest. He closes the window and put the comforter back on the bed. Slides in behind her and pulls her into his front. 

“G’night, sweetheart.”

                                                                   .              .              .

She wakes up still feeling soft. Eddie’s arms are wrapped around her and her head is nuzzles into Bedtime Bears tummy. She feels good. She forgot what it was like to wake up and feel rested. Her mouth falls open in a yawn and she stretches out her legs and arms to stretch. Wiggles her fingers and her toes. Picks up Bedtime Bear and rolls over to Eddie. He’s still sleeping, hair fallen out from his ponytail and falling over his face. She moves it behind his ear and his nose crinkles. 

“Mmm, baby?” He croaks out, peering open one eye. “Wha’ time is it?”

“Dunno. No school today.”

He rubs his eye with the heal of his hand. “You wanna skip?”

She hums and leans into Eddie’s warm body, pulls her knees up to her hips so she can make herself smaller to fit into his side. “Just wanna stay with you.”

Eddie turns his head to her and delivers sleepy kisses onto her hairline. “Okay, we can skip. You feeling okay? Did you have bad dreams?”

She shakes her head. “No, I had good dreams. Just want to be small for a bit longer.”

Eddie pulls her closer and snuggles back into her. “You’re so sweet. My sweet girl. Love you so much.” He mumbles it into her skin while his eyes pull him back to sleep.

“Do you think we could-“ She traces her fingers over the lettering on his shirt. “Do that again? Like today?”

Eddie’s lips break into a smile and he leans forward to kiss her. “Of course we can, sweetheart. Whenever you want.”

[avengerslittleone]

Tᕼᗴᖇᗴ ᗷᗩᗷY

Steve:ready to get us our baby and no ones else's

Natasha:oh I can’t wait to feed my baby naturaly

Bucky:I got some more drugs to make our baby go sleepy

Yelana: ha James let’s go get me my god daughter

America: are you ready yet or is there something else you need to get

Steve:nope

Natasha:let’s go

𝑌／𝑛 universe our current universe

Y/n:(walks around mall in avengers tee shirt and ripped jeans and green Nike’s)I can never be tired of walking around the mall

America:(opens portal)we’re here

Natasha:let’s go now I want them

Steve: patients bae I know you want them

Bucky:(walks through portal )

Y/n:(walks downs the stairs of house walks out side )

Steve:I have eyes on the baby it looks like there headed to throw trash out down that darks alley way nat Bucky now it’s your time

Y/n:(throws trash start walking the other way)

Nat:excuse me you dropped something

Y/n:(turns around oops I am sorry picks it up and throws ways the small picks of trash)thank you mam (starts walking away)

Nat:go now bucky (walks after you )

Y/n:(feels someone followed you starts running but trips )ow

Nat:(picks you up holds you in place)

Y/n:please let me go I will give you anything but please let me go

Nat:I’m sorry sweetheart but mama cannot do that you’re our baby and we have had to cross the multiverse to get you so no

Bucky:and what we are doing is for your own good because your our baby and we’re are you caregivers/mama and dada’s and we know what is good for our little baby

Y/n:(feels needle go into your neck)please help let me go le me o (falls asleep)

Steve:let’s go (walks through portal)

Bucky:ah now we have our baby home amercia you can close the portal now

Steve:come on we only have so much time before then wake up

Bucky:I will take there clothes and phone and burn the clothes and brake the phone and burn that as well

Natasha:(puts diaper and onesie on you clips pacifier to onesie)

Steve:let’s put the restraints on them so they don’t get the idea of running

Later on

Y/n:(wakes up try’s getting up)what the fuck where am I (hears someone come In)

Nat:hay baby

Y/n:let me go you fucken psycho I want you now (thrashes against restraints)

Bucky:baby stop your going to hurt your self (yells Steve)

Steve:you yelled oh that’s what you called for (hands regression shot and muscle relaxer to Bucky )

Y/n:(screams get those shots away from me )

Bucky:(gets angry I said hold still)

Nat:(pulls the railing of the crib downs holds your head straight)

Y/n:avengers are supposed to help not be kidnapping ass holes

Bucky:(sticks y/n neck)those should help)

Y/n:wa wat s it

Nat:it’s going to make you our baby faster

Y/n:no wana mama dada papa

Bucky:we now have our baby

Steve:we do have our baby

Nat:out I am going to feed then so out

Steve:you done

Nat:yes (puts shirt back on) they are taking a nap

Steve:have you told yelana or your parents

Nat:no I just don’t want you know to happen I just got my baby I don’t want them to fight over them

Steve:(walks out with Natasha closes door)

[bunniesnuggie]

Hi! Can I request a fic about little reader having accidents and getting pullups and cg eddie being all sweet and understanding about it? Dhejejen thanks

yes ofc!!! i’ve had two requests for diapering so here you are angels <3 this was supposed to be short, i’m sorry 🧍🏻‍♀️

~ Accidents ~

@lulubooboo

cg! eddie munson x (gn)little! reader, babysitter steve! x (gn)little! reader

cw - mentions of period but only briefly, diapering, wetting the bed, eddie being the best

summary: nothing you do is gross, dada proves that.

not proofed

eddie woke up to something warm on his leg. he groggily looked over to your sleeping form, you were laying on your tummy drooling on the pillow. he furrowed his brows and slipped his hands under the blanket, it’s wet? he lifts the blanket and sees a decent sized wet spot coming from under your hips, he rubs his eyes with a yawn and sits out of bed. he knows you’ll be embarrassed so he picks you up and sets you on the couch so he can quick try to strip you of your soiled onesie and underwear the best he can with out waking you. he managed to do it, only causing you to stir once, until he slipped your paci on your mouth. thank god you sleep like a rock. he gently cleaned you up and redressed you. he debated whether or not to put a pad in your underwear, deciding that would suffice until he could get something better.

he ran to the room and quickly changed the sheets, thanking big you for making him but two pairs. he also changed into a clean pair of pjs, realizing he got his shirt soiled while carrying you. not the he minded, you could’ve peed on him and he still wouldn’t care, your his baby. after throwing everything in the wash, he came over and lifted you into his arms. he got you halfway tucked in when his hair tickled your face and woke you up,

“dada,” you mumbled sleepily, not even opening you eyes “wha happen?” you asked seeing the lights on. he simply shushed you softly, flicking off the light and laid you on his chest, “nothing angel, go back to sleep” you were too little and sleepy to argue so you simply when back to drooling around your paci he slipped in. he smiled, not even thinking about the events of tonight again.

the next morning you had woken up and realized both you and daddy were in different outfits, and the sheets were changed. and you were wearing a clean pad? oh no. you had only had an accident one time, way before you met eddie. you thought it was a one time thing. your cheeks were burning and tears were forming in your eyes, you let out a small whimper. eddie slightly jolted awake when he heard your sniffles, seeing you silently cry into your hands, “baby what’s wrong? scary dream?” he asked in his groggy morning voice, immediately jumping into caregiver mode and pulling you into him while rubbing up and down your spine. you shook your head “n-no i- i wet the beh las ni” you sobbed, he guessed you’d be embarrassed so he let you vent, “i sowwy dada, is gwoss” now that he wasn’t gonna let slide.

“woah woah, you. are. not gross. understand,” he looked into your teary eyes, holding your cheeks in his hands, rubbing his thumbs under your eyes. you cast your eyes down to the bed again, “ahah look at me angel, you aren’t gross, it was not gross, nothing about you is gross. its okay, accidents happen. your just a little baby, i love to care for my little baby, hmm”. by now he was rocking you in his arms and your sniffles had subsided, he gently picked you up and brought you into the bathroom to start the morning.

the day went well, you forgetting the events of this morning when dada had removed the pad. it was supposed to be a chill saturday just for you two, but eddie told you he had to run a quick errand. you weren’t very pleased but that did mean steve would be over and he’d promised to be back before you woke up from your nap. you reluctantly agreed to his terms, after he also promised to tell you two of his stories tonight. by the time steve came over and got settled with you, you didn’t even notice eddie slip out the door. you only played for about 20 minutes until you were scrubbing at your eyes,

“c’mon munch, let’s go get you in bed.” you didn’t fight him, letting steve pick you up and place you on the long couch. he had you swaddled like dada does and handed you your sippy with “angels milk” in it,

“good night munch”

“ni ni teevie, tanks fo’ payin wif me.” you gave him the sweetest sleepy smile and a kiss on the cheek. then proceeded to pass the heck out, steve smiled and laughed at your sweet behavior.

sure enough, just like he promised, you woke up with dada underneath you. steve left when eddie got back, giving you guys time alone. you looked over and saw the bags from you favorite agere store (there’s one in Indiana, you can look it up).

“dada, w-wah you geh?” you rubbed for eyes and sit up, reaching for the bags. “well good morning to you to angel,” he chuckled, “i got you a few things so hold on baby.” he grabbed the bags and put them in his lap, first he started with a new stuffie and blankey hoping to soften the blow before he showed you the main reason he went. you squealed, running the soft fur on your cheeks,

“tank you dada, u da bestest eva!!!” you went to run but he grabbed you before you could dart off. he braces himself for what he’s about to offer, “now peanut, you know dada want what best for you, he never wants to make you feel yucky about yourself.” you nod, a bit scared about what he’s gonna do. “good, good. so - i wanted to- i um, we’ll i went and got you these.” in the second bag was a small pack of adult diapers, but the cute kind, not depends. as well as pull-ups in big kid sizes, baby wipes and baby powder.

“i want you know it’s okay to regress fully, you don’t have to be a big kid. you can be my baby, it’s perfectly okay. i want to help you in every way i can. i like to take care of you, baby. it my favorite thing ever. your my little peanut, and i’m your dada. i will always take care of you. i got both kinds because i wasn’t sure if you’d like the velcro snappy things, or the pull up ones?”

by the end you were crying and smiling but he was worried they were bad tears. until you immediately jumped into his arms, wrapping yourself around eachother,

“tank ooo, dada. i wuv ooo”

he held the back your head, giving you face kisses. he continued to cuddle and reassure you until it was time for dinner. you went about your normal night routine; eating, bathtime, brushing teeth and hair, then going into the room to get dressed and go to bed. you were waiting on the bed for dada to get your lotion, when he grabbed the powder and pullups.

“alright angel, shh it’s ok baby, just relax,” he shushed you when you started to whine a bit, “i’ll be quick, nothing i haven’t seen before.” he powdered between your legs and the gently pulled you pull up up your legs. he blew a raspberry on your tummy and then lifted you into his arms, patting your bum and bouncing you lightly while gathering your pjs.

“look at your cute little bum peanut, all safe and dry”

he gave you a bunch of bunny kisses (nose rubs) then dressed you in your footie pjs you requested. after getting himself settled as well, he laid so you were on top of him. chest to chest. he cleared his throughly and began to tell you story, making it up as he goes. not that you can tell, he tell it so well.

by the middle of the second story, you were passed out and drooling on him. he smiled and kissed your forehead, nose, then cupid’s bow,

“i love you my little peanut”

a/n : i have another request to answer for today and then i’m gonna take a tiny break from writing to catch up on all the unfinished things i started hehe :3

also i love ur pfp. i’m gonna see them in october :D

//tag list//

@bootlegmothman420 @angelbaby-fics @lil--bun @stardancerluv

[writerpey]

cg!eddie please!

eddie munson my comfort character u r so special to me <3 enjoy!

Caregiver!Eddie Munson Headcanons

Eddie would jump headfirst into being a caregiver. The guy wouldn’t even understand it for the first 3 months but would somehow treat his little perfectly (even if he wasn’t necessarily good at everything)

He can’t cook. Can’t do it! So get ready for dino nuggets and spaghetti-o’s. Cake mix also enters the occasion but Eddie also has a tendency of burning things. His little has eagerly watched him make pancakes only for Eddie to flip it over and it be completely black

Eddie is always tuned into how his little is feeling. Whether they’re tiny or bigger, sensitive to sounds or in the mood for his guitar, he’s quick to notice and catch onto their moods and feelings just by their body language

Super amazing pillow fort builder! He actually might even enjoy them more than his little. He almost seems to pull blankets out of thin air in his Uncle’s trailer, and the entire space becomes one giant fort to run and crawl around in

He’ll get his little’s favourite snacks fron the corner store and (hazardously) string up Christmas lights inside the fort to make it cozy for an evening of his narration of Lord of the Rings. He does a different voice for everyone, and dramatically acts out the chapters so well that his little feels like they’re watching a movie

Eddie has so many pet names for his regressor. His personal favourite is to call them his little Frodo, and when they cross their arms and say they like Aragorn more, he goes down on a knee and says, “Actually, I’M Aragorn. Sorry, kiddo.”

He dresses them up in his band tees! It fills him with visceral joy to pull a Metallica t-shirt over his little’s head. He also calls them a little metalhead. Along with baby, tiger, and really anything that brings a blush to their cheeks

Lots of hugs and cuddles. LOTS of them. Head pats are included, and so are piggyback rides. You name it, he’ll do it!

Eddie lets his little mess with his hair. Usually he hates anyone else touching it, but he’ll sit on the floor while they’re on the couch, patiently putting up with frequent tugging and funny looking pigtails

He’s also not strict at all. He doesn’t even have the heart to stop his regressor from chewing on their favourite stuffed animal because he’s too busy admiring the cuteness of it! He’ll also let them eat all the candy they want, and that includes belly rubs with an upset tummy afterwards

Very protective and willing to take his regressor wherever they want. The lake? Sure! Off to Family Video to rent Care Bears? He’ll slap a five on the counter in front of Steve and name his favourite Care Bear just to see the shock on Steve’s face while his little giggles

Overall kind, loving, and understanding

[littlespacereader]

I haven’t regressed for a while because you know, life sometimes gets in the way. But I finally got a moment after class to have the rest of the evening off and just regress. At first I was worried I wouldn’t be able to regress after a stressful day at college. Then I literally was two second into a Blue’s Clues episode with Steve and suddenly I’m a baby😂 Steve just had the magic touch🥹💞

I felt inspired to write a cute fic with him and a little reader. I’m actually thinking of making a mini series of fics with a little reader in a kids show. What do you think? Would you guys like something like that? Let me know😄

So please enjoy another “side quest fic” I didn’t plan on writing😂💞

Looking for Blue’s Clues🐾

Caregiver!Steve Burns & GN Little!Reader

Tags - scavenger hunt, Steve is the most gentle and patient CG ever, hand holding, hugs

I held my head up high as I walked through the woods, stuffie in hand, backpack on my shoulders, wandering around on my own little adventure. I needed this, just some time away from the busy and hectic working world. I just needed some time outdoors to regress in peace.

And that’s what I did. All my supplies shoved into my backpack, my favorite stuffie in hand, I am ready to go! I started on a trail, following the winding trail through the thick woods. I’ve been on this trail before, it’s calm, quiet and peaceful. Perfect for a regression day.

As I kept walking I noticed something with my usual trail. The trail split into two pathways. One, the usual path, went right and down towards a river. But now there’s a left path, a path that’s never existed before. Maybe the parks department decided to make a new path for everyone?

There was something deep down inside of me that filled with excitement for the new adventure. I looked to my stuffie in hand, “What do you think (stuffie name)?”

Though they didn’t outright say it, I knew my stuffie wanted me to go forward towards the adventure.

“You’re so right! New trail it is!”

The path wasn’t very different than the other trail, though it did go deeper into the woods. But there was a clearing up ahead, I could see there was a colorful neighborhood with a yellow house.

A blue dog ran infront of me, stopping me in my tracks. She began talking to me before she skipped away. I smiled to myself, a blue dog?! That’s a first!

Suddenly out of the corner of my eyes I spotted something. On one of the tall trees next to me is a blue paw print. I walked over and looked at the print and smiled. Why would there be a blue paw print here? Did that dog leave it behind?

“A clue!”

I quickly turned around to be greeted by a man in a stripped green shirt. He smiled, happy to see me as if he knew me his whole life.

“You found a clue!”

“A clue?” I pointed to the blue print.

“A blue’s clue! Great job! You’re very smart.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the praise. “Thank you, but I wasn’t even trying.”

“You weren’t trying to find blue’s clue and you found it anyway? You’re better at this than me! Wow!” Again, the stranger glowed with praise.

“I’m Steve, it’s so nice to meet you.” He put his hand out to shake.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too.” I gladly shook his hand.

“Now that we have our first clue, we gotta put it in our handy dandy notebook!” Steve pulled out his notebook from his back pocket, popping the crayon out from the top and flipping to the first page.

He stood along side me so I could see what he was drawing. “So our first clue is a tree. We’ll start with two big lines for the trunk of the tree, then we’ll draw smaller lines on the top for the branches, then we’ll make this curly lines for the leafs at the top of the tree. There, a tree.” He looked up from his drawing to smile back at me.

“Our first clue is a tree. So what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner with…a tree?” He asked me.

I began thinking of all the possibilities a tree could mean. What does his dog want to do tonight? “Maybe she wants to play fetch with one of the branches of the tree?”

Steve hummed in agreement, “Good idea, maybe she does watch to play fetch. But we have to find the other clues to be sure.”

I nod my head in agreement but I can’t help but ask. “How many clues are there?”

“There are three clues. Once we find all three clues we sit in our thinking chair and think, think, think. Because when we use our minds, we take a step out of time and we can do anything that we want to do.” His smile is utterly contagious because I smile just as big as him.

“I’m really going to need your help to find the other two clues. Will you help me find them?”

“Yeah!” I practically jump saying.

“Really? Thank you! You’re the best! Now, this second clue must be around here somewhere…Lets go this way.” He hold his hand out to me as a silent offer.

I appreciate him not being pushy or just grabbing my hand. It was an invitation if I wanted it, so I took his hand in mine. Together we walked to the yellow house I saw earlier.

Steve opened the door and lead the way into his house. It’s beautiful with its peach tone wallpaper and big red chair in the living room.

“That’s the thinking chair,” Steve pointed out, “Once we’ve got all three clues we’ll sit there and think.”

Then it was off to the kitchen to further find a clue. Inside on the counter top is a family different spices.

“Y/N,” he squeezed my hand, “I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper and their children Cinnamon and Paprika.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes as the Salt and Pepper shaker waved and talked to me.

“Bonjour Y/N! Welcome to our home!” Mr. Salt waved.

“So wonderful to have you here.” Mrs. Pepper added.

“So nice to meet you both.” I smiled back.

But then my eyes caught it, across the kitchen on another counter top sat a bag of marshmallows. And on the bag? A big blue paw print!

“Steve! A clue! A clue!!” I squeezed his hand back and was jumping out and down.

“The flu? You don’t look sick to me. Here let me check.” He held his hand to my forehead. “No, you don’t have a temperature.”

I couldn’t help but giggle to Steve. “No! A clue! Over there!” I pointed to the paw print.

Steve gasped and quickly the two of us ran over to the bag of marshmallows. “So our second clue is…marshmallows. You know what we gotta do. We gotta put this clue in our handy dandy…”

“Notebook!”

“That’s right! Our notebook! Now, a marshmallow. We’ll make two round lines on the side and an oval on the top. At the bottom we’ll make half a circle to connect the sides. There! A marshmallow! But what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner with…a tree and a marshmallow?”

The two of us stopped and started to think about the clues. There were pretty different from one another. It would be hard to tell what they meant together.

“Maybe she wants to play fetch then eat some marshmallows?” I suggested.

Steve gasped and nodded his head, “Maybe! But I think we should find our last clue before we decide.” I nodded in agreement.

Mail time, mail time mmmmaaaaaiiilllll ttttiiimmmmeeee

“Oh! The mail is here!” Steve grabbed my hand and together we ran into the living room. Blue and him started dancing around happy for the mails arrival. After a minute I started to join in the fun.

“Here’s the mail, it never fails. It makes me want to wag my tail. When it comes I want to wail, MMMMMAAAAAIIIIILLLLL!!!”

Steve plopped down into his thinking chair and held his hand out for me to sit as well. “You’re more than welcome to sit on my lap or on the arm of the chair. Whichever is more comfortable for you Y/N.”

After a moment of consideration, I chose to sit on the arm of the chair next to Steve. The mailbox stretched into the room and over to our chair. “Mails here! Mails here!”

“Mailbox! I’d like you to meet my friend Y/N. Y/N, this is Mailbox.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” I smiled to the purple mailbox.

“It’s nice to meet you too! Infact this letter is for you.”

“It’s for me?”

“Yup! Here you go!” Mailbox opens his lid and Steve grabbed the letter for me.

“We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from.” He went to open the letter but paused and looked to me. “Y/N this is your mail. Would you rather open it or would you like me to?”

“Could you open and read it?” I asked a bit shy. But Steve brought me back to feeling comfortable with his warm smile and nod.

“Of course I can. Now let’s see, oh! It appears that this letter is from a (stuffie name here).”

I gasped and looked down at my stuffie. “It’s from (stuffie name here)?!”

“Uh-huh. That what it says. The letter goes,

Dear Y/N,

Thank you for always taking such great care of me. Thank you for always coming to me whenever you need extra love and comfort. Always know I will forever be with you even when you have to go to school or work. There’s always a piece of me inside of you just as there a piece of you inside of me.

Love you always,

(Stuffie name).”

Tears started to fall down from my eyes as I looked at my stuffie in hand. They looked back up at me with a smile and a wink.

“What a beautiful letter! Your stuffie is very grateful for you Y/N, just as I’m sure you are for them. Oh, I don’t think we were introduced. It’s nice to meet you (stuffie name).” Steve leaned over and shook the stuffie’s (hand, paw, fin, ect.)

“They said it’s nice to meet you too.” I add back to Steve, wiping the happy tears from my eyes.

“Are you okay?”

I hum in agreement. “My stuffie was just so nice.”

“They seem great! You’re perfectly matched because you’re great and they’re great too.” Steve smiled. “Now, would you like to take a moment here or would you like to go find the last clue?”

“The last clue!!”

“Alright!” He stood up and offered his hand again. I jumped off the chair and took his hand in mine again. “Off we go looking for clues…but ummm…where do you think we should go?”

I looked outside and saw the sunsetting. It might be nice to get some fresh air again. “Maybe outside?” I offered.

“Great idea! Follow me.” Steve led the way as we ventured back outside.

Outside we started to walk around the town. Steve showed me the eye doctor where Blue’s friend Magenta got her new glasses, then there was the present shop where his brother Joe works and another house down the block where his cousin Josh lives. The town seemed so nice and peaceful.

Since we didn’t see anymore of Blue’s clues we ventured back to Steve’s house and into the back yard. There it seemed all of his friends were handing out around a picnic blanket, tree and a fire pit. WAIT A MINUTE! THE FIRE PIT!

“Steve!! A clue!! Another clue!!” I pointed out again.

“Really?! Where?”

“There by the fire pit! The final clue!”

Steve gasped and looked at the fire pit. There, at the base of it was the clue.

“A clue!! Our final clue! And it’s on the fire pit. You know where we need to put this, in our handy dandy…”

“NOTEBOOK!”

Steve grabbed his notebook from his back pocket and began drawing. “So our last clue is…a fire pit. We’ll start by making a cylinder for the fire pit. Then spark points for the fire inside of it. There, a fire pit!”

He closed the notebook then looked at me just as excited. “We have all three clues! We have to sit in our-.”

“Think chair!!”

“Yes! Come on!”

The two of us raced back inside the house and over to the thinking chair. Steve sat in his usual spot and I opted for the arm of the chair again. Blue ran over and joined us, to see if we got it right.

“So now that we’re in our thinking chair, let’s think. So what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner? What’s our first clue?”

“A tree.”

“That’s right! A branch! Good job remembering. So our first clue is a branch. But what was our second?”

“Marshmallows!”

“You’re right it’s marshmallows! You have an amazing memory.” He smiled.

“Finally our last clue is a fire pit. So what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner, with a tree, marshmallows and a fire pit?”

The two of sat in the chair together and think, think, think. They did seem random at first but they meant to go together. Then suddenly it hit me!

“Steve! I’ve got it! I’ve got it!!”

“What is it Y/N?”

“Blue wants to use the wood from the tree to make a fire so that she can roast marshmallows!”

Steve’s face lights up to the idea. He looks to Blue who start jumping around the room happily. “You did it Y/N! You figure out Blue’s Clues!”

Steve jumps up and put his arms open to me. I immediately run into them, getting a big hug from him. “You are so smart! I am so proud of you!”

Tears build up in my eyes hearing the admission. He’s treated me so sweet for hardly knowing me. I haven’t felt this safe and happy in such a long time.

“Come on, let’s go outside and get ourselves a marshmallow.” Steve says as we break apart.

The two of us join the rest of the neighborhood outside to roast some marshmallows. There I meet Joe and Josh as well as the rest of the family including Magenta, Sidetable, and more.

I sat next to Steve as the evening turned to night. We looked up at the stars above as we ate our marshmallows.

“You know, you could stay if you wanted?” Steve said after a moment. I looked at him shocked at first. “It’s just that, you did such a good job finding all the clues. And Blue and I loved having you here. Plus, I could look after you and show you the rest of the town and-.”

He stopped himself. “Sorry, what I’m trying to say is. If you like to stay you’re more than welcome to. I’d love to have you here. And before you say anything, I don’t mind your regression. I’d love to help take care of you and maybe even possible be your Caregiver. So what do you think?”

I immediately began to tear up again. “I’d love to stay and I’d love to have you as my Caregiver.”

Steve’s nervousness turned immediately to happiness as he put his arms out again. I didn’t waste any time as I joined him in a hug.

“I’m so happy to hear that Y/N. I think you’re going to be the best person for this town. I couldn’t be more happy to have you here Y/N.” Steve added as we broke apart.

“I couldn’t be more happy to be here.” I smiled back.

[the-glacian]

Shiva's 11 "Must Read" Fanfics (Part 1)

Inspired by this accidental ask, I decided to make a random list of 11 fanfics from 11 different fandoms that I would sell my soul for.

Here goes to: Part 2 (coming soon)

🍁 Sleeping Dogs by starsystems [Stiles/Derek, Teen Wolf, 42370 words, Mature]

Summary: Let sleeping dogs lie.

Prov. Do not instigate trouble; Leave something alone if it might cause trouble.

Derek Hale is asleep in Stiles's bed. And it just escalates from there.

Because of course it does.

🍁 New Rules by kafkian [Thor/Loki, MCU (Thor Movies), 29277 words, Explicit]

Summary: ‘Oh good, more excellent ideas from Thor,’ Loki sighs with a total and complete lack of enthusiasm. ‘Can’t I just push Heimdall down the stairs or something?’

‘How is that a good deed?’ Thor asks, bewildered.

‘It would give everyone a good laugh,’ Loki says, the corner of his mouth twitching. ‘I’m laughing on the inside just picturing it.’

---

In which Loki is roped into cleaning up his act to reassure the people that he isn't planning on betraying them (again), while Thor spends far too much time explaining that no, they aren’t sleeping together.

🍁 Timeline by perfect_plan [Steve/Bucky, MCU (Captain America Movies), 56271 words, Mature]

Summary: How do you handle being in love with your best friend? In Steve Rogers's case: Badly.

🍁 A Good Thing by Jolli_Bean [Hank/Connor, Detroit: Become Human, 83053 words, Explicit]

Summary: "You know what a green card marriage is, right?" Hank asks.

"Sure," Connor says, dimly amused, because Hank was sweet to come all the way up to Canada, but this is ridiculous. "Who am I marrying?"

What Connor intends to say next is that he isn't that desperate, that his life here might not be what he would pick for himself but that it's also perfectly fine, until Hank pulls a little box from his pocket and opens it.

"I mean," Hank says, "I'm sure you have other options, but I'm offering. As your friend."

~~

Like so many other androids, Connor goes to Canada after the revolution. Android autonomy may have been granted, but things are still dangerous, and he doesn't want Hank to get hurt for protecting him. It was never supposed to be a permanent solution, but by early 2040, a number of legal developments have made it such that androids can only return to the states if they're marrying a citizen.

Connor wants to come home. Jeff wants him back on the force. And Hank just wants him back.

🍁 Love As You Are by thisgirlsays22 [Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, 16496 words, Explicit]

Summary: Jaskier didn’t want to marry just any noblewoman--no matter how comely she may be--he wanted adventure and many loves, but most importantly his biggest, greatest love of all.

He is not expecting that love to be in the form of a brooding stranger sitting at the back of a tavern.

In one instant his breath catches in his throat at the beauty of the man before him and in the next, there’s a burning sensation on the bottom of his heel as his mark makes itself known. It’s pain and pleasure knotted together, roses surrounded by thorns.

🍁 Just In Case I Need You by softouji [Ignis/Noctis, Final Fantasy XV, 19278 words, Teen]

Summary: Noctis suffers from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) [also known as Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS)] and doesn't have the energy or ability to take care of himself. His father hires a caregiver (Ignis) to help him live a safer, happier life.

Alternate Universe (Sort of). Noct isn't a prince, and doesn't have any powers, but he still lives in Eos/Insomnia. His father isn't a king but is a powerful/rich man.

🍁 Imperfect Proposals by Fallen_Angel_Meg [Dean/Castiel, Supernatural, 111082 words, Mature]

Summary: Dean Winchester has a dream of being a successful architect- one that may or may not be out of his reach. So when he receives a promising job at Designs of Divinity, a reputable architectural firm, he is beyond happy. It's everything he could ask for. Sure, he may only be the assistant of Castiel Novak, a well known architect and project manager, but he doesn't even care. It's a start. It isn't until he starts working for Castiel that he realizes the guy isn't exactly who he thought he'd be, and his dream job turns into a living hell. Dean decides he's had enough when Castiel denies him time off to attend his brother's wedding. But just when Dean thinks it can't get any worse, he finds out that he's being forced to marry Castiel to keep him from being deported. Fan-friggin'-tastic.

🍁 Paper Monsters by Clocks [Charles/Erik, X-Men, 39240 words, Explicit]

Summary: Charles meets Erik Lehnsherr, his favorite novelist of all time at a coffee shop, but doesn't know it's him, and Erik just criticizes his own writing in front of his biggest fan.

🍁 Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak by triedunture [Aziraphale/Crowley, Good Omens, 17113 words, Mature]

Summary: "Yes, exactly. Retire." Aziraphale reaches for the last remaining tartlet brimming with summer berries. "Somewhere along the south coast, perhaps."

Or: Crowley and Aziraphale learn to move in tandem.

🍁 By My Side by tattooedsiren [Mike/Harvey, Suits, 18633 words, Explicit]

Summary: Three days after Jessica fires Mike, Harvey invites Mike to be his plus one for a fundraiser.

🍁 The Way You Taste With A Drink by WhatTheBodyGraspsNot [Chris/Sebastian, RPF, 11090 words, Explicit]

Summary: Sebastian chuckles quietly to himself, some sort of self-effacing joke probably playing out in his mind, still eyeing the carpet. “Well I’ve been known to…not make great decisions when I’ve had too much to drink. I just…sometimes I kind of need…back up…” He looks at Chris now, pale blue and vulnerable concern. “…so I don’t end up fucking up somehow.”

Chris can’t help the fond smile that tugs at his lips, or the proud little orb of warmth that materializes in his chest at the thought of Sebastian trusting him with such a task. “So more or less, you want me to keep an eye on you.”

OR:

Sebastian asks Chris to help keep an eye on him when he drinks, knowing just how poor of a decision-maker he is when he's had too much (he's got an entire following on some website called Tumblr based off his horrendous drunk selfies). Chris agrees happily, figuring he can hold his liquor pretty well himself, so of course he can keep tabs on Seb. But it ends up that he's shit at it. And one thing leads to another.

[mourntheantagonist]

To Be So Lonely

Chapter 2: The Slide

classification au: little!billy/caregiver!steve

read on ao3

“I just hope you see me

In a little better light.”

…

He was scared—terrified. Suddenly he didn’t know where he was or what he was supposed to do. He looked around the room that he was in. It was full of so many people—people he didn’t know. It made him feel alone, like a kid lost at the mall.

He wanted his mommy.

He wanted her and her blonde hair draping over his face as she placed soft kisses on the top of his head from behind. He needed her to come and rescue him—hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be alright, that he was safe.

He looked around, but he couldn’t find her anywhere in the group of strangers.

He crossed his arms over himself and pulled at the fabric of his jacket, holding it tightly in balled-up fists, refusing to let go. It was soothing, but not enough. He felt like he was shaking on the inside—his organs jostling around inside of his body and radiating outside of himself through the head-to-toe vibrations he was experiencing.

He was uncomfortable. His body hurt and he felt a nervous pit growing in his stomach along with a familiar sensation nagging at him, tossing itself to the forefront of his mind.

He had to go to the bathroom.

He felt like he was strapped down to his seat. He didn’t know any of these people. He couldn’t ask them for help. He couldn’t even get up from his chair on his own, like his legs didn’t work. Even if he could, he didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know where the bathroom was.

He wasn’t even sure he’d make it anyway.

The only thing he could do was quietly cry to himself.

He pressed his legs together, squirming and rocking back and forth in his seat, letting the tears drip from his eyes and onto the desk in front of him. He kept his head down and face covered so nobody could see him cry. He wasn’t supposed to cry. That’s what his dad always told him.

He was so confused, so lost, so scared —he suddenly couldn’t hold it any longer.

He let go without even trying, feeling the space between his legs become warm as the pressure in his belly slowly disappeared into the growing puddle on the floor. His face grew hot and the tears came quicker. He brought his hands up to cover his ears as he heard the first splatter of liquid hit the linoleum.

It worked to cover up the dripping sound, but it didn’t cover up the sound of chuckling laughter rising in volume from around the room. He looked up from his desk for just a short second before putting his head right back down after seeing at least five pairs of eyes looking at him—staring at him. He was so embarrassed. His face became even hotter and his hands were shaking and all he could do was quietly sniffle into his sleeve. He couldn’t move.

He couldn’t breathe.

“What’s going on back there?” he heard a female voice ask. She sounded angry, or annoyed. Billy couldn’t bring himself to look up to see who it was.

The laughing didn’t stop, it was just slightly quieter, still loud enough to hear through covered ears.

“Billy’s pissing on himself.” he heard a male voice say, laughing through the sentence, making fun of him. Billy couldn’t even defend himself if he wanted to. The boy was right to laugh. He was acting like a baby.

“I bet you he’s drunk.” he heard another voice say.

Billy wanted to crawl out of his own body. He wanted to peel the skin off his bones and run away to somewhere safe—to someone safe. But he already knew that the safety he needed didn’t exist. He just had to sit there, glued to his chair as everyone laughed at him.

He heard footsteps coming towards him, but he didn’t look up, too afraid. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder which startled him, making him flinch away from the touch like it had burned him.

“Mr. Hargrove,” he heard that same female voice from before, sounding a little less annoyed, “is everything okay?” she asked.

He didn’t want to look at her, but he knew he had to. He knew what happened when he didn’t make eye contact with people bigger than him.

Slowly he raised his chin and saw her standing a foot above him. She had tight blonde curls and was much older than her voice made her sound. He recognized her. She was the lady who gave him all those books to read.

She repeated herself after not receiving an answer. “Is everything okay, Billy?”

Billy looked back down, looking down at his lap, suddenly remembering why everyone had been laughing at him.

“I hadda accident.” Billy admitted, his voice shaky and quiet with a quivering lip. He felt so much shame. He couldn’t stop crying.

The laughing seemed to fade away upon the words coming from his mouth, causing him to look up. He could barely see through the tears blurring his vision, but he could see enough to notice how the woman standing above him and all the eyes that seconds prior were pointing and laughing at him were suddenly filled with concern. He recognized that look. He saw it from his little sister every time he was in trouble.

He must be in trouble.

The woman leaned down and she was no longer towering over him. She didn’t remove her hand from his shoulder and he slowly got used to the feeling. It was kind of nice. She gave him a small smile. “Billy,” she said, her voice soft and concerned, “are you a little?”

He hadn’t even realized. He knew something was off but it hadn’t connected until she asked. He only became more scared as flashes of those nights spent laying on a gross mattress in a cold garage, hungry and thirsty, invaded his mind. Billy let out a choked sob and nodded his head.

“I’m not s’posed to be.”

The woman gave his shoulder a tight squeeze and then moved her hand down to gently rub at his back. He flinched at the touch again, not because he was scared, but because the friction of his shirt rubbing against fresh wounds stung. “Okay,” she said, removing her hand and taking a few steps back. “Hold tight. I’m going to go make a phone call.”

He didn’t want her to walk away. He wanted her hand back on his shoulder, gently squeezing, but he didn’t know how to ask for that—he didn’t think he was supposed to want that. Once again he was sitting there alone, scared, uncomfortable, wanting to crawl out of his skin.

It felt like time was passing by extraordinarily slowly. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted all these people to stop looking at him.

“Hey,” a voice to his right said. Her voice was soft and inviting and it felt okay to look over. She had short brown hair that just barely covered her ears and she looked warm and nice. She held out her hand and smiled at him. “Take my hand.”

Billy was hesitant, but he needed exactly what she was offering—comfort. He slowly reached out his shaking hand and she took it and held it in her own, brushing her thumb up and down against the top of his hand. It gave him that connection he needed—the feeling like he wasn’t completely alone, floating in endless space.

“My older sister is also a little.” she said, continuing to brush her thumb along his skin. “She always liked when I would hold her hand.”

Billy smiled, using his free hand to wipe away at the tears that were forming much slower than they were before. “I ‘ike it too.” It felt like an admission with the way he said it, like it was wrong. He felt so small…so little . He hated it.

“Okay everyone, we’re all going to move down to room 605 for the rest of class.” The woman stood at the front of the classroom, and suddenly everyone around him started to get up from their seats and pack up their things. Even the girl holding his hand.

Billy squeezed her hand tighter as she tried to pull away, not wanting to let go, not wanting to be left alone.

She gave him another soft smile and with her other hand she gently pried his fingers off, one by one. “Hey,” she said, “it’s gonna be okay.”

He wasn’t sure if he believed her, but he let go of her hand anyway, not wanting her to get angry with him. He watched her walk away and out of the classroom—he watched as he became alone again.

Except he wasn’t alone, because that original hand had found its way right back to his shoulder. “Hey kiddo,” she said, “we’re gonna walk down to Miss Oliver’s room together and she’s gonna take care of you.”

She held out her hand and Billy didn’t hesitate in taking it. He let her help him up from his seat, and just the contact of her hand against his was enough for his legs to start working again. He stopped feeling like he weighed a thousand pounds.

He took a few steps forward and quickly noticed how his jeans clung to his legs. The denim rubbed against his skin and his thighs chafed and it made him stop and turn around.

There was a small puddle in his chair and an even bigger one underneath it. He felt his face flush and the tears began to prick at his eyes again. He was humiliated.

“Don’t you worry about that,” he had started to zone out but the sound of her voice pulled him back in, “we can clean it up.”

Billy felt his breath quickening the more he looked at it, so he listened to her—he let himself believe her, even if there was a part of him telling him he shouldn’t. His dad would have been so mad at him if he had been there and seen what he did. He didn’t understand why nobody else was.

“Come on buddy,” she said, tugging at his arm, “let’s get there before passing period starts.”

He let her guide him out of the classroom with shuffling feet and chafing thighs, giving her his trust even though it scared him.

Because he was supposed to be a big boy.

- : -

“Hey Steve, can you come here for a second?”

Steve had been disinfecting the toys in the play area when the call had come in. After receiving his classification as a caregiver when he was seventeen, he enrolled in caregiving classes at the school the second he found out they were offered.

If he was being honest, the real reason he enrolled had nothing to do with his desire to be a better caregiver, he was simply enticed by the fact that it counted as credit towards graduation, an easy A.

It hadn’t always been the plan. The original plan was to go to college, but that reality kept slipping away from him the closer he got to it with rejection letter after rejection letter.

So there he was, spending two hours a day in the Little Care Center, playing with the littles and offering the support they needed as not every family was properly equipped to take care of a them. It was rare, and nobody ever anticipated that their child would wind up falling into that one percent of people.

Caregivers were much more common. They accounted for roughly five percent of the population, meaning that not every caregiver would have a bond with a little. Steve was comfortable with that. When he initially got his classification he never intended on searching for a little in need. He planned on marrying a neutral and having kids and showering them with all of the innate instincts that his classification provided him.

But after spending so much time with the littles from his school and getting to know them on that level made the desire that much higher. He found so much joy in taking care of them. He felt like he could do it for the rest of his life. Snuggling and playing with them, bathing, feeding, even changing diapers… all of it. Nothing filled him with more happiness than when he could bring a smile to a little’s face.

There was just something about it.

Steve stopped what he was doing and walked over to where Miss Oliver was standing, having just hung up the phone call. She looked confused and concerned and Steve could feel it all radiating off of her and filling him with all the same feelings the longer he waited for her to explain.

“What’s up?” Steve asked.

She let out a heavy sigh. “I got a call from Mrs. Wood.” she said, “She just told me one of her students regressed in the middle of class.”

It wasn’t totally uncommon for something like that to happen, but it was certainly not something they dealt with often. Steve only remembered it happening twice while he was there, and what he remembered most about it was how the boy felt so lost and scared. It was like he’d fallen asleep and woken up somewhere else—somewhere he didn’t know.

“Who was it?” Steve asked.

She just shook her head. “She didn’t say, she sounded like she was in a hurry, but we have an even bigger issue.” Steve just looked at her and waited for her to explain. “From what I gather, nobody knew he was a little.”

Steve was dumbfounded. “How is that even possible?” he asked. “I thought everyone had their classification on record.”

“They do, that’s why I need to go down to the office and get everything figured out because this shouldn’t have happened.” Miss Oliver looked almost livid, like she suspected something that Steve hadn’t quite concluded yet. “He wet himself for god’s sake. Who knows how long he had been sitting there like that.”

“Oh that poor kid.”

Steve was just picturing it in his head and it made him want to tear up just thinking about it. He had to have been so scared.

“He’s on his way here now, are you okay on your own to get him cleaned up and changed while I go make some phone calls?”

Steve nodded his head just as they heard the knock at the door. Steve and Miss Oliver quickly walked over to greet the boy and bring him inside.

He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he sure as hell would have put Billy Hargrove standing in the doorway with a dark patch on the front of his jeans and tear stained cheeks at the very bottom of that list. Billy was standing there, holding onto Mrs. Wood’s hand for dear life with terror in his eyes and as much as Steve knew he needed to soften up around the littles, part of him couldn’t help but be on edge.

Steve just stood back and watched as Miss Oliver took charge, trying to rationalize in his brain how all of this was possible and how he was supposed to see Billy as anyone other than the guy who smashed a plate over his head.

“Hi, I’m Miss Oliver,” she reached her hand out to Billy who initially shied away, turning himself inwards towards Mrs. Wood, “Can you tell me your name, sweetie?”

Billy refused to look at her, and what Steve thought would be an extremely difficult task was becoming easier and easier the longer Steve looked at Billy—slowly starting to forget about that night in November. All he could see standing in front of him was a scared little boy. It was breaking his heart.

“Go ahead and tell her your name,” Mrs. Wood said, walking the rest of the way into the room and making Billy follow her inside. “Miss Oliver is really nice, I promise.”

Billy didn’t look like he believed her, turning his body further and further away from them.

It was just instinct that got Steve to walk forward.

“Hey buddy,” Steve said, giving a small tap to Billy’s arm. “If you come with me I can get you all cleaned up and then we can play and have snacks, how does that sound?”

There was a glimmer in Billy’s eyes when he peeked his head out from behind Mrs. Wood, and Steve took it as a sign to reach his own hand out to Billy. “My name’s Steve.” he said.

Billy looked to Mrs. Wood for a second and she gave him a reassuring nod. Billy nodded his own head and he allowed himself to let go of her hand and take Steve’s. “I’m Billy.” he said.

Steve felt so much relief knowing that Billy didn’t recognize him. It made everything just a little bit easier. They could both pretend like nothing ever happened, at least for the time being.

“It’s nice to meet you Billy,” Steve said, gently tugging Billy further into the room and distracting him enough that both Miss Oliver and Mrs. Wood could sneak out without alarming him of their absence. “Let’s get you out of those jeans, they can’t be very comfortable.”

Billy let Steve take him all the way to the back of the room where they had a full bathroom with a tub.

It honestly didn’t hit Steve until he saw the tub in front of him about what exactly he was about to do. It would hardly be the first time he gave a bath to someone, it was never weird to him. It was just something about Billy, and not just the fact that he was Billy , but the fact that there was something so clearly wrong that told Steve that getting Billy into that tub would be no easy task.

That much was clear by the way Billy tensed up when Steve turned the water on.

Steve looked back at Billy who was still holding onto Steve’s hand, squeezing tightly like he was afraid he’d let go. There was something fragile in those blue eyes of his. It was like he was made of glass, and Steve had to be extra careful not to break any more than what had already been broken.

Steve’s eyes dropped down to Billy’s jeans that were slowly drying, but still damp, and he couldn’t help but feel a weight on his shoulders far heavier than he should. He couldn’t stop thinking about what it must have been like for him in that classroom, alone and afraid and losing control of himself in a crowd of strangers who didn’t know how to deal with a situation so delicate.

Sure, Steve had been classified as a caregiver, but that didn’t make the situation any easier. Having a talent for something didn’t automatically turn it into something simple.

Steve used his free hand to test the temperature of the running water, using the time he had in between the water going from cold to hot to figure out what his next move would be.

“Do you still have to go at all?” Steve asked, hoping the poor boy hadn’t still been trying to hold it that whole time.

Billy shook his head, and Steve knew instantly that he shouldn’t have asked as he watched the shame just wash over Billy’s face like a wave.

Steve didn’t know what to say. He gave Billy’s hand a squeeze, to hopefully remind him that he hadn’t let go.

The water had finally warmed up to a comfortable temperature and Steve knew that meant it was time that he faced the music—to face the boy who stood with his head bowed down and out of sight that was entirely unrecognizable from the Billy he knew out of headspace.

Steve gave Billy’s hand another squeeze, though he wasn’t sure which one of them he was trying to comfort that time. “Can you get undressed by yourself or would you like me to help?” Steve asked.

Billy didn’t answer, and if that hadn’t already been concerning—as if the entire situation hadn’t already been concerning—when Steve looked up at Billy from where he was kneeling next to the tub, he could see as fresh tears started to form in Billy’s eyes.

Steve rose to his feet and gently thumbed away at Billy’s rolling tears, careful not to startle him. “It’s okay if you want my help.” Steve said, listening as Billy took in a sharp and shaky breath.

Billy bit down on his bottom lip hard, and it looked like he was actually considering what Steve had said rather than instantly writing it off as something unbelievable, which was certainly a step in the right direction.

“It’s okay?” Billy asked, his voice just barely above a whisper, so unsure of himself.

Steve couldn’t help but smile. “Of course it’s okay.” Steve assured him. “Do you want me to help?” Steve asked again, just to be sure he didn’t cross any of Billy’s boundaries.

Billy nodded his head.

“Okay, but I’m gonna have to let go of your hand so that I can do that,” Steve said, “is that okay?”

Billy nodded his head again.

So far, it had been smooth sailing all things considered.

Steve let go of Billy’s hand and it took a second for Billy to do the same, but he eventually loosened up on his grip enough for Steve to slide his hand through. Steve focused his attention on the task at hand, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible for both his sake and Billy’s. He knew Billy had to have been growing more and more uncomfortable the longer he stood in soiled clothes.

He managed to pull his boots off with ease and undo the button of his jeans, but before he could even get Billy’s zipper down, he asked a question that made Steve stop dead in his tracks.

“Am I in trouble?”

Steve looked Billy in the eyes. Billy’s lip was trembling and he looked like he was bracing himself for something, his fists tightening and his arms fully extended down like he was trying to reach the ground without bending his knees. “Why would you be in trouble Billy?” he asked.

Billy squeezed his eyes shut tightly, causing a few extra tears to escape his ducts and drop from his lashes. Billy’s hands came together, trying to cover himself up.

“Cause I did-didn’t make it.”

Steve felt his stomach drop. Everything just kept getting worse. Every time Steve thought that Billy was starting to feel better, he’d do or say something that would break his heart just a little bit more.

“Oh buddy.” Steve replied, reaching a hand up to rub against Billy’s arm, “Accidents happen. It wasn’t your fault.”

Billy sniffled and brought his arm up to wipe at his nose and eyes, getting a mixture of tears and snot all over his sleeve. “Not mad?” he asked. He sounded so confused, like what Steve had said didn’t make any sense, like he’d never heard it before.

The puzzle was slowly putting itself together.

Steve shook his head and continued rubbing his hand up and down the length of Billy’s arm. “Nobody is mad at you. You did nothing wrong, I promise.”

Billy nodded his head, seemingly understanding Steve, and he took that as the go-ahead to finish undressing Billy.

He was quick with the jeans, grabbing them by the waistband and pulling them down in one swift motion along with his underwear. Steve held Billy up while he had him lift one leg at a time to get them the rest of the way off. Billy stayed quiet, but Steve was just grateful that he at the very least was cooperative.

Steve kicked the dirty clothes into the corner of the bathroom, hoping that by getting them out of sight, Billy would start to forget about them.

Steve helped Billy pull his arms out of his jacket, standing behind him and pulling from the collar down. That was when he noticed Billy tense up again.

He hadn’t thought anything of it until he pulled his t-shirt off.

Standing from behind Billy, Steve was met with a horrific sight. Red and purple welts illustrated the canvas of Billy’s back. They looked fresh, like they couldn’t have been more than a day old, and Steve was no fool…

He knew exactly which clothing accessory would cause marks that looked like that.

Steve bit his tongue, not wanting to show any reaction that would freak Billy out. Steve could tell the boy was slowly warming up to him, and one wrong move could send the two of them right back to square one—sealed lips and closed eyes and hiding his face from the world.

Steve instead pushed on, helping Billy step into the tub and sit down in the water, hoping the temperature felt nice against his wounded back. He let Billy sit there and soak for a moment while he pulled out a bottle of body soap and a soft hand towel.

He saw Billy eyeing the rubber duck that was sitting on the ledge, and Steve couldn’t help but smile at the wonder in his eyes. “You wanna play with him?” Steve asked, pointing to the yellow duck. “He squeaks!”

Billy’s eyes lit up like he was seeing fireworks for the first time. “Pease?” Billy asked, and Steve felt like he was about to melt into a puddle on the floor. Steve picked up the duck and gave it a squeak before floating it in the water in front of him, and he watched in awe as Billy smiled for the first time and released all of that tension that had been building up inside of him.

Steve squeezed some soap out onto the damp washcloth and began gently rubbing it up and down Billy’s arms while he pushed the duck around in the water. Billy was fully content and totally distracted which made washing him a lot easier than it would have been had Billy still been in the same state as before.

The ease of the whole process gave Steve far too much time to think about every little detail he had witnessed in just the past five minutes with Billy. The terror, the mistrust, the shame, the fact that nobody had any clue he was a little…the fact that he was walking around in a battered body like it was no big deal. There were so many warning signs just flashing in his face that made him sick to his stomach. He made a mental note of each and every little detail, noting every little scar he found on Billy’s body as he cleaned him up, both old and new.

The preconceived notion he had of Billy Hargrove—the guy who beat him up that one time and never looked in his direction again—was falling apart at the seams. He thought he knew who Billy was; an arrogant jerk who thought he ran the world. It turned out he didn’t know the first thing about him.

Not after seeing the welts on his back and the constellation of cigarette burns littering his upper thighs.

Steve had completely washed down both Billy’s arms and legs and without even thinking, he brought the cloth to Billy’s back and the boy instantly took in a sharp breath. Steve immediately retracted his hand.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Steve asked despite knowing the answer already.

Billy nodded his head and brought his knees up to his chest and Steve could see it happening again. Billy was closing the door and Steve had to act fast if he wanted to keep it from being locked for good.

Steve remembered back to when he was a little kid and he scraped his arm after falling off his bike. He ran to his mom who had been sitting on the porch, sipping on a cold glass of iced tea and flipping through the pages of a magazine. He had tears in his eyes and his mom quickly and gently took Steve’s arm and placed a soft kiss to the wound.

Before Steve even knew it he was pushing Billy’s hair out of the way and bending over and placing his lips over the red-tinted skin just below Billy’s shoulder. “All better?” Steve asked, no reason to press the issue further. He could ask Billy who did it—remind an already clearly traumatized little boy of another frightening event—but he decided against it. He didn’t have to ask. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on in the Hargrove-Mayfield house, not after seeing what Steve had seen.

Billy nodded his head, relaxing in the water again. “All better.” he agreed, “Steve kiss it better.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh of relief. “That’s right kiddo.” he said.

Steve decided to leave Billy’s back alone, not wanting to hurt him anymore than he already had. “All done.” Steve said, reaching into the tub to pull the plug from the drain. “Let me help you out.”

Steve grabbed Billy by both of his hands and pulled him up to his feet, not letting go until he was completely out of the tub and standing on the bath mat. Billy was shivering almost instantly from the transition from warm water to room-temperature air hitting his wet skin. Steve grabbed one of the towels off the rack and carefully wrapped it around Billy like a blanket.

Billy stood there contently, rubbing his face against the soft material of the towel while Steve opened up the cabinet next to the sink where they kept their emergency items. Everyone under their care had their own cubby in the main room where they kept all of their own belongings, but on the rare occasions that supplies ran out early, they had a stock of backup solutions.

Which was good news for Billy.

Steve grabbed a pair of sweatpants with the Hawkins High School logo on the side and set them down on the counter.

Steve looked back into the cabinet, and after staring at its contents for roughly three seconds, he came to the unfortunate realization that the hard part was far from over. Biting down on his bottom lip and with a heavy heart, he grabbed a medium sized diaper from one of the boxes.

When he turned around, Billy was already shaking his head.

“No.” Billy protested.

Steve just set the diaper on the counter alongside the sweats and walked back over to Billy. He was shivering, standing wet and naked with nothing but a towel to keep him warm. Steve placed his hands on both of Billy’s towel-covered arms, both comforting and steadying. “Hey,” Steve said, “let’s talk about it.”

Billy just shook his head again. “No.”

Billy was standing his ground—he didn’t look like he was anywhere close to budging, his jaw set and his body stiff. Steve felt for Billy, understanding all of his hesitation. Billy was experiencing far too many firsts for one day, and all Steve wanted to do was make it easy on him. That was his job in the world—to take away their worries.

But Steve couldn’t budge on this. He didn’t need Billy to end up having another accident when he only just barely recovered from the first one.

“Can I ask why not?” Steve asked.

Billy frowned. “I’m s’posed to be a big boy.” he said, “Big boys don’t need diapers.”

It didn’t sound like Billy’s voice. It didn’t sound like the words were coming from Billy’s mouth. It sounded like he was simply a vessel for someone else’s thoughts.

“Big boys need diapers too sometimes, Billy.” Steve said, “You’re still a big boy either way.”

He could see the gears turning in Billy’s brain. It looked like he just told a little kid that Santa was never real, that he had been lied to his entire life. He was confused, none of it seemed to make sense to him. Billy just remained silent, thinking to himself, hiding himself behind the protection of a large towel.

“Hey bud,” Steve said, “I know it’s hard, but you can believe me.”

Billy brought the corner of the towel up to wipe away at his eye. “But—” Billy cut himself off.

Steve had a feeling he knew exactly what he was going to say.

“Whoever told you that you’re not supposed to be little…” Steve wanted to use profane language to describe the person in question, but he knew that would not have been helpful to his end goal. “Whoever told you that was wrong . You’re allowed to be little. You’re supposed to be.”

Billy bowed his head, seeming to find the tile floor of the bathroom to be endlessly fascinating. “S’posed to be lil?” Billy asked in the softest, quietest voice Steve had ever heard. It was like an exhale, no voice behind the words.

Steve removed one of his hands from where it was sitting on Billy’s arm and used it to gently lift Billy’s chin. He pointed his head so that he was looking directly into his eyes. “Yes. I promise.”

Billy looked behind Steve at the counter, staring at the topic of conversation. He stared for a good amount of time, and Steve let him. Billy deserved at least that.

“Okay.” Billy said.

“Okay?” Steve asked. “You’ll wear it?”

Billy nodded his head and Steve couldn’t help but smile, so much fondness for the boy standing in front of him. He’d completely forgotten who he was looking at. Any fear or reservation quickly faded away.

“Alright then,” Steve said, “let’s get dressed and go play.”

- : -

There was just something in the air.

When she woke up in the morning, she just knew that something was off. There was a tension hanging just above her head as she walked through the house that she couldn’t quite get to go away. She had a tightness in her chest, like her body knew she needed to brace herself for some sort of impact from an object she couldn’t see coming.

Neil was at work. The kids were at school. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. Susan just tried to ignore the aching feeling, centering all of her attention on getting stuff done around the house.

Wash the dishes. Load the laundry. Vacuum the living room. She just focused on checking everything off the to-do list.

The sound of the vacuum cleaner nearly drowned out the sound of the phone ringing.

It wasn’t typical of them to receive calls outside of the weekly telemarketer trying to sell them encyclopedias. They hadn’t really made many friends since moving to Hawkins. Neil told her that it was because they needed to focus on themselves as a family first before branching out.

Though, a part of her—deeply rooted inside of her—wondered if maybe that was all a ploy for something far more nefarious.

Usually Susan wouldn’t answer the phone if she wasn’t expecting a call from someone.

But there was something in the air.

“Hello?” Susan said as she picked up the phone.

“Hi, am I speaking to one of Billy’s parents?” the voice on the other end of the line asked.

Susan grew nervous at just the mention of Billy’s name, her mind instantly fleeting to the thought that Billy had gotten himself in trouble. She felt sick as she couldn’t stop hearing the sharp and ugly sound of a striking belt through two walls and Metallica at full volume.

“This is his step-mother.” she said, her grip tight on the handle.

“Hello Mrs. Hargrove, I’m calling regarding your step-son’s classification,” she started, and Susan could only grip the phone tighter and let her body grow stiff as a board as she waited for the woman on the phone to finish her sentence, “were you aware that Billy was a little?”

Susan didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Neil had made it clear to everyone that nobody was allowed to reveal his true classification. That included herself.

“I’m not sure I’m understanding you.” she said, unsure of whether she should tell the truth or attempt to continue the lie.

“Well, all of his paperwork has him listed as a neutral,” she explained, “but ma’am, Billy slipped into his headspace in the middle of his class today.”

Susan really believed they had more time. Spring break was just around the corner and all he needed to do was hold out until then. She would have been able to help him out with his regression had he just waited.

She sat there at that dinner table the night prior in complete silence, eating her food and hoping that by ignoring the issue, it would just go away.

She was wrong. She was wrong about so many things, and it was time for her to face the reality that she helped create.

“Oh.” Susan said, unable to come up with any good way to respond without lying and saying she had no clue or admitting that she did, and that she let it happen anyway.

There was a long bout of silence on the other end of the line, probably waiting for Susan to add anything to the conversation other than a pathetic attempt at sounding surprised. But Susan remained silent, lips tightly sealed, unable to defend Billy, even though Neil was nowhere around to stop it.

“Yeah, so…” the woman on the other end of the line that she was just realizing she hadn’t caught the name of yet said, voice trailing just a little bit like she was trying to choose her words carefully, “Billy wound up having an accident. We have him in the Little Center right now getting cleaned up.”

It couldn’t be heard or seen, but Susan’s heart shattered.

“Oh?” It seemed to be the only word she could get to come out of her mouth.

“He’s with one of our student caregiver’s right now.” she said. “I know this must be a lot of information to take in, but if you’re able, we’d like to get Billy set up in the center so if you can bring in some supplies for him that would be really helpful.”

“Supplies?” Susan asked. At least it meant her vocabulary consisted of more than just one word.

“Yeah like, an extra change of clothes, a blanket, snacks, diapers, wipes, maybe even one of his favorite toys.”

Susan just nodded her head. “Alright.” she said, not variation in her tone of voice.

“Also, I’m assuming Billy drove himself to school so you’ll have to have someone come and get him today.”

Susan just kept nodding her head, like she was trying to trick herself into thinking she understood the magnitude of what was going on. “Okay,” she said, “I can be there in an hour or so.”

She was numb to it all, hanging up the phone without even listening to whatever that woman had to say next. She stood there by the phone for a good thirty seconds, staring at Billy’s bedroom door from across the room.

She didn’t know what she was doing, but for the first time in her life she allowed her gut to speak for her rather than swallowing it down. She grabbed her keys off the table and her purse off the back of the chair and left the house through the back door.

She didn’t have a plan.

She just drove.

- : -

It was just the two of them in the center. With only seven—now eight—littles in the entire school, there was rarely much crossover when it came to the amount of littles they had at the center at one time. It was good for Billy as he didn’t have to worry about the other littles and instead got to focus on enjoying himself without anyone else getting in the way of that.

The only problem was that the biggest hurdle seemed to be himself.

When Steve had showed Billy to the toy box, his eyes had lit up. He looked like a kid in a candy store as he rummaged to the bottom of the chest, inspecting every little toy in the chest from the small cars to the large stuffed animals.

But when it came time for Billy to play with the toy he picked, he became shy.

He picked a small blue hot wheel out of the box, sitting down on the ground and spinning the wheels in his hand. Steve watched as Billy placed the car onto the ground and slowly moved it back and forth across the carpet with an expressionless face. He just sat there in silence, repeating the same exact motion over and over again. Back and forth. Back and forth.

It almost hurt to watch. It was like he didn’t know how to play.

“Is something wrong, buddy?” Steve asked.

Billy shook his head, but Steve could tell that there was even if Billy assured him there wasn’t. Steve didn’t like watching it. He didn’t like how the things that were supposed to bring a smile to his face had no effect on him. He hated how Billy was so unable to enjoy himself.

“Can I play with you?” Steve asked.

Billy stopped moving the car back and forth, pausing the momentum so he could look up at Steve who sat cross legged just five feet in front of him.

“Play with me?” Billy asked, like he didn’t understand, like he wanted to understand.

Steve just got up off the floor and walked over to the toy chest. “Yeah let me just…” Steve trailed off as he rummaged to the bottom of the chest. “Here we go.” he said to himself, pulling out a shiny red toy car.

Steve took a seat next to Billy who looked unsure, but interested at the same time. Steve just looked Billy in the eyes, examining him, studying him, remembering back to the person he knew before.

Billy was cigarettes and muscle cars and confidence beyond the scale. The guy loved to be challenged. He loved to be the best.

“I bet my car is faster than your car.” Steve said, showing the red car to Billy.

Billy laughed. He laughed. “No it’s not!” he said.

“Wanna bet?” Steve asked, raising his eyebrows and setting the car on the floor. “How about we race them?”

“Race?”

“Yeah!” Steve exclaimed. “We can both give our cars a push and whoever makes it the furthest is the fastest!”

Billy instantly became excited, aggressively nodding his head and setting his blue car next to Steve’s red one. Steve had been starting to wonder if anyone had ever played with Billy when he was little—like actually little, not just in his headspace.

It hadn’t seemed so.

But Billy was ready to play now, and Steve wasn’t going to hold out on him any longer. “Alright on the count of three.”

“One…”

“Two…” Billy said it with him.

“Three!”

- : -

Susan wandered the aisles of the grocery store, traveling up and down the same cereal aisle over and over again with her empty shopping cart, trying to find the motivation somewhere inside of her to make it down to aisle fourteen.

Little Care.

It was like the sign was looming over her head like clouds from a thunderstorm, lightning threatening to strike.

The store was mostly empty, which was typical of a Thursday afternoon, but still she had a sinking feeling that someone would see her walking down that aisle and somehow immediately alert Neil. She wasn’t supposed to be helping Billy.

The bird on the Froot Loops box was staring daggers at her.

It took an additional three loops around the store for her to finally commit to aisle fourteen.

She didn’t even know what she was doing. She just kept chanting the list the woman on the phone said to her over and over again inside of her head like a standard old grocery list.

Extra clothes, blanket, snacks…

Diapers, wipes, toys…

She knew Billy was a little. But she guesses a part of her had a hard time believing it to be true. The last time she bought diapers and wipes was when Max was a baby, over ten years ago. There was just something not clicking in her brain as she stood there staring at the selection. She shouldn’t be buying diapers. Billy was practically an adult.

She hadn’t realized how she had let Neil invade her entire belief system.

Extra clothes, blanket, snacks…

She had already packed up a pair of jeans and a t-shirt she grabbed directly from the dryer on her way out of the house. They were still warm.

The aisle had everything Billy could possibly need. Every item on the list all conveniently in one location. It gave Susan no excuse but to pick up the small blue blanket and the box of cheese crackers from the shelf and add them to the basket.

Diapers, wipes, toys…

She turned her mind off as she picked the heavy package off the shelf. She didn’t want to have to try and rationalize in her brain why if being a little was something so wrong, there would be a whole aisle designated for people like him, whole lines of diapers designed to fit him. It didn’t make any sense.

Wipes, toys…

She grabbed the wipes right alongside the diapers, just grabbing the first package she saw.

Toys…

She couldn’t do it. It felt like she was going too far.

Billy wasn’t even really her kid. What right did she have to go against his father like that?

What right did Neil have for treating his son like a punching bag?

She found herself eyeing the pacifiers. She stood there, gripping the handle of the shopping cart so tight her knuckles turned a pale white.

She remembered back to that one day when Billy had stayed home from school with “the flu”. It was just the two of them alone in the house.

She has always been told to leave Billy alone, by both Billy and her husband, but something had come over her that day.

She excused it as just wanting to offer him a slice of the zucchini bread she had just pulled out of the oven.

She had slowly peeked her head through the door, tapping her knuckle lightly against the frame. When she finally opened the door just wide enough to see through, she saw Billy curled up in a ball on his bed, knees to his chest. He was asleep, his eyes were closed. She felt slightly relieved knowing that he hadn’t been stuck writhing in pain fully awake.

Then she noticed Billy was sucking his thumb.

She quickly left the plate of bread on the ledge by the door and walked away, trying to forget she saw anything.

She thought she forgot. But apparently she didn’t.

Susan shook her head and got her feet to start moving forward, deciding to ignore the last item on the list. Billy didn’t need toys. Billy didn’t need a pacifier.

Susan strolled up to the check stand, breath heavy as she watched the cashier scan each item.

“Do you have a little one at home?” The woman behind the counter asked.

Susan froze up, hand inside her purse firmly grasping her wallet, squeezing the leather material so hard the texture was imprinted on her skin. “No, um,” Susan panicked on the inside, “I’m just running an errand for a friend.”

Susan looked up at the woman. She had white hair and big red glasses on her eyes. The woman was paying no attention to Susan at all, her eyes were too focused on scanning and bagging to notice how Susan’s eyes were wide and her jaw was clenched and her whole body was stiff.

“Well that’s kind of you,” she said, flipping over the package of diapers around five times looking for the barcode, “don’t you just adore the littles?”

“Mhmm.”

The woman was taking her sweet time with ringing her up, and Susan was cursing herself for not picking the other line with the young man behind the counter.

“My granddaughter got her classification just a few months ago,” the woman said, “she’d grown up in and out of foster care her whole childhood. Her dad wasn’t in the picture, her mom was an addict, and it wasn’t until recently that I was finally able to adopt her out of the system.”

Susan just stood there tapping her foot, counting the bills in her hand over and over again, listening to every word the woman said. Absorbing every little detail.

“I like to think it must have been divine intervention,” she continued, “like God just knew she deserved a second chance at being a kid.”

Susan just nodded her head, looking down at her feet because she could feel her eyes start to burn the longer she listened to the woman talk about her granddaughter. The way she had raved about her, and talked about her with so much love and adoration in her eyes. It was so foreign to Susan.

“God just knew she deserved a second chance at being a kid”

The sentence kept playing over and over again in Susan’s mind alongside the chilling echoes of Neil’s fists making contact with Billy’s bones. She couldn’t get the picture out of her mind of Billy lying in his bed in pain with his only form of comfort being the soothing feeling of sucking on his own thumb like a child.

“Hold on one second,” Susan said, her voice soft and shaky as she tried to hold back her tears, “I forgot something.”

She walked herself right back to aisle fourteen, and grabbed that bright blue binky off the shelf.

- : -

They raced the cars over and over again, and Billy was as happy and giddy as Steve had never seen him before.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that Billy won every single time.

It wasn’t before long that Steve started to notice Billy begin rubbing at his eyes and producing long yawns as he crawled back and forth on the floor to retrieve the cars from each of their races.

“You feeling tired?” Steve asked.

Billy yawned in response, which was good enough of an answer for Steve.

“You wanna take a nap on the couch over there?”

Billy nodded his head, still rubbing at his eyes and uncontrollably yawning. He looked like he was ready to pass out. Steve wondered how well Billy had slept the night before. Despite his attempts at distracting himself, he couldn’t stop thinking about the physical state of Billy. The wounds that had to have been received the night before. He just kept imagining Billy desperately trying to find a comfortable sleeping position while his body ached and he writhed in pain.

Steve shook the thought away like it was a hair dangling in front of his face. It was out of view for now, but one good gust of wind would bring it right back. Steve used the time he had to help Billy up off the floor and walk him over to the couch in the corner where Steve instructed him to lay down.

Billy was slow moving, his feet dragging underneath him and carefully crawling onto the couch like he was trying not to let the springs creak—trying not to make a single sound. Steve walked over to the basket just a few feet away and grabbed a blanket and a pillow. Steve tucked the pillow underneath Billy’s head and tossed the blanket over the top of him, making sure Billy’s whole body was completely covered up.

“Do you want me to get you anything else?” Steve asked.

He didn’t receive an answer, because Billy was out like a light. His mouth hung open and Steve got to watch as his entire body relaxed and sunk into the soft cushion of the couch.

It was in that moment that Steve felt a massive weight get removed from his shoulders and he finally was able to take in a deep breath. For the first time since Billy arrived at the center, Steve could be sure that Billy felt safe and worry free, drifting away into what Steve could only hope was a good dream.

“Oh good, he’s asleep.” Steve heard a whisper from behind him.

Steve turned around to see Miss Oliver standing behind him, her stress indicated by her furrowed brow and tense shoulders.

“I just put him down for a nap.” Steve said, “How did it go down at the office? You were gone for a while.”

Miss Oliver brought a hand up and slapped against her forehead. “I just had a long and unhelpful conversation with the principal about Billy.” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose like she was trying to relieve a pressure headache, “I talked to Billy’s step-mom on the phone and I just—something is not right. I’m worried he might be being—”

“Abused?” Steve finished. Miss Oliver seemed taken aback by Steve’s bluntness. “Yeah. He had welts all over his back and cigarette burns on his thighs.” Steve spoke with anger on his tongue. It felt like he was spitting fire just saying it all out loud.

Miss Oliver dragged her hand down the length of her face. She looked like she wanted to scream and was only holding back for the sleeping little in the corner of the room. “I’m so upset.” she said. “I asked them to make a report for neglecting a little but because all of his documentation lists him as a neutral they say that their hands are tied which is total bull.”

Steve was practically foaming at the mouth trying to keep himself from completely exploding. Nobody had seen what he saw, and Steve could only hope that if they had, there would be a shred of decency inside of them to actually do something about it. “He’s still under eighteen though,” Steve said, “it’s still child abuse.”

“The most they said they would do was send the police to their house sometime tomorrow’s for a welfare check.” she said, “I had been hoping to have the police here for when his step-mom came. Now she’s on her way and I have to let her take him home.”

“This fucking sucks.”

Steve wanted to throw up. The thought of having to send Billy back into a house that induced that kind of physical pain made him sick to his stomach. Billy had nobody to protect him other than possibly a fourteen year old girl with red hair and no power to her name. Steve wasn’t even totally sure she even knew. He wasn’t even sure that she wasn’t being abused herself.

The fifth period bell chimed and pulled Steve from his rage induced trance.

“You better get going,” Miss Oliver said, “I can take it from here.”

Steve looked back to Billy who was still sound asleep on the couch, completely and blissfully unaware that Steve and everyone else had failed him.

“I can skip fifth.” Steve said. “I think I need to be here when he wakes up.”

Normally, Miss Oliver would tell him no and practically push him out the door to his class, but this time Miss Oliver was quick to nod her head.

“I’ll go let your teacher know you have something important to do.”

Steve sighed as he watched her walk away.

He had something important to do.

- : -

Susan probably sat in her car for nearly thirty minutes before she finally found it in her to step out the door and set her feet onto the ground of the high school parking lot. She felt so out of place, like she’d stepped foot into a foreign country where she didn’t know the language and couldn’t read any of the road signs. She appeared lost, walking slowly, thinking consciously about putting one foot in front of the other as she held two large bags, one in each hand, bouncing against her legs as she walked and driving her insane.

She just followed the sign that said “Main Office” and didn’t think about what she would do by the time she got there.

She just needed to see Billy.

She walked through the doors and tapped the little bell that sat on the counter when she saw the front desk was empty. An older woman came walking in from one of the side offices and greeted her, but she barely heard a word that came out of her mouth. Everything was static.

“I’m here to pick up my step-son,” she said, “Billy Hargrove.”

The other woman’s eyes widened just enough for Susan to notice and become uncomfortable. It felt like the whole world was staring at her even if they were the only two people in the room.

“He’s um,” she started, seeming uncomfortable herself, “he’s down in the little care center. It’s right down the hall at the very end on the left.”

Susan just nodded her head, repeating the directions in her head. She gave no goodbye or thanks to the woman behind the desk. She just nodded her head, turned on her heel, and left.

Down the hall, to the left.

The hall was far too short.

She needed to see Billy.

She was terrified of seeing Billy.

She was walking too fast.

All that time she thought she had suddenly run away from her as she approached the door. She found herself gripping the bags in her hands as tightly as she could, trying to find it somewhere in herself to open the door and come face to face with the boy she ignored for far too long.

It was so much easier to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t happening. It was easier for her. It was easy. Being a parent wasn’t supposed to be easy.

She transferred one of the bags to her other hand and pulled the handle on the door, entering what she had considered to be a lion's den that was actually just a large room painted in a rainbow of colors with toys and stuffed animals like it was something pulled directly out of a child’s dream.

“You must be Mrs. Hargrove.” The woman who said it seemed to have popped out of nowhere, but perhaps that was due to her own tunnel vision as she was only focused on the sleeping boy she spotted on the couch. “Are these the things I asked you to bring?”

Susan nodded her head, not saying a word as she handed the two bags over to the woman. She recognized the voice as the woman she spoke to over the phone.

She took the bags from her and gestured over to the couch where Billy was sleeping. “He’s been out for almost an hour.” she said. “He’s had a rough day.”

Susan looked back over at Billy, unable to take her eyes off of him. She hadn’t even noticed the other boy sitting on the floor beside him, stroking his hair as he slept.

“Let me go grab his things and the sign-out sheet.”

There was something about the way the woman spoke to her and looked at her that gave her the idea that she was not a welcome face. Susan would have been naive to believe that they didn’t have a clue about what was going on. She understood the look. She would be looking at herself the same way if you gave her a mirror.

Susan slowly walked over to where Billy was on the couch, just staring at him.

The other boy didn’t even acknowledge her with so much as a “hello”. He just saw her out of the corner of his eyes and gently tapped on Billy’s shoulder until his eyes fluttered open.

“Hey Billy,” the boy whispered, “your step-mom is here to take you home.”

Susan felt her heart murmur when she saw the way Billy flinched.

She needed to get out of the school. She felt like she was suffocating.

She watched the boy help Billy up off the couch, seeing underneath the blanket how Billy wasn’t dressed in the same clothes as he was wearing when he left the house in the morning, remembering back to what they had told her over the phone.

Nothing was okay. Nothing about what was happening was okay.

Susan held out her hand for Billy to take, “Let’s go home.” she said, but Billy instead took the hand of the boy and hid his face by using the other boy’s body as a shield.

“It’s okay Billy,” the boy said, giving his hand a visibly tight squeeze. The boy gave Susan a knowing look. His eyes stared at her like her skin was transparent and he could see right through her. “She’ll keep you safe. Isn’t that right?”

She felt completely exposed like the searchlights from a helicopter were shining directly on her. Caught. That boy knew. That boy saw all of those ugly parts of her that she tried so hard to keep hidden behind the walls of that house.

Susan nodded her head, “I’ll keep you safe.” she said, though the words weren’t directed at Billy, looking instead at the boy who tightly held his hand.

“I promise.”

- : -

It took a lot of convincing for Billy to finally let Susan walk him out of the school and to the car. She wasn’t sure if he was afraid of her, or just afraid of going home. Not that distinguishing the two really mattered. Billy was terrified as he sat in that passenger seat, shaking and breathing heavily.

They had only been in the car for two minutes before arriving at the middle school just a parking lot away.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, “I’m just going to go grab your sister.”

Billy shook his head. “Alone?” he asked.

Susan sighed. “It’ll just be a minute.” she said.

Billy’s body visibly tensed and she could see the tears start to form in his eyes before she had even closed the door.

She was just going to leave him there and utilize her skills at ignoring the problem. She just told herself that he would be fine.

But then she remembered the thing she had tossed into her backseat after her trip to the grocery store as she watched Billy bring his hand up to his mouth and begin biting his fingernails.

Susan opened up the door to the backseat and pulled out the bright blue pacifier and ripped it from its packaging.

“Here.” she said, handing it to Billy, “It’ll make you feel better.”

Billy took it from her, unsure and hesitant like he didn’t trust her. Susan lied to herself and said she had done all she could. She closed the door and left Billy alone in that car while she went inside to get Max.

She was grateful to see that by the time she got back, Billy was calm in his seat, sucking on the binky in his mouth. It was just one hurdle crossed, but it was hardly the largest one in her way.

“What’s going on?” Max asked, “I’m supposed to meet with my friends after school!”

Max hadn’t seemed to notice Billy sitting in the passenger seat yet. She tossed her skateboard and her backpack in the back and plopped down in her seat in the back.

Susan waited until all of the doors were closed and the car was turned on before she started explaining, not wanting anyone else to hear their conversation as if it was something taboo.

“Billy dropped.” She said it bluntly, like it was the only way she could force the words through her teeth. Susan watched from the rear view mirror as Max’s eyes shot open and she leaned forward into the passenger seat to inspect the boy in question.

“Billy?” she questioned, placing a gentle hand to Billy’s shoulder. Billy couldn’t speak due to the pacifier in his mouth, but he took in a sharp breath at the touch, like it was an attempt not to cry. Max lightly brushed her thumb back and forth on Billy's shoulder and Susan watched as her own eyes softened to a look of sadness and fear. “It’s gonna be okay, Billy.” she said.

Susan was just amazed as she watched Max instantly start to take care of her older brother. She didn’t understand why she didn’t have the same instinct. She initially blamed it on her classification of neutral, asserting that all the good mothers must be designated caregivers. But watching Max—no classification to her name and only fourteen years of life experience under her belt—offer comfort to Billy like it was the easiest thing in the world made Susan realize that maybe she was just a bad mother, plain and simple.

“What are we gonna do?” Max asked, because of course she would look to the adult to have all the answers. Susan should have had a plan. She should have come up with some way she intended to keep Billy safe. She made a promise to do just that.

But she didn’t have a plan. “We’re going home.” Susan said simply, no elaboration because there was nothing to elaborate on.

Susan could see the way Max’s face contorted in the backseat. “What about his dad?” she asked.

Susan didn’t entertain her with an answer. She just gripped the steering wheel tight and stepped her foot down hard on the gas pedal.

- : -

Max sat perched on the edge of Billy’s bed like a guard dog standing at the gates of a prison. Max knew she would only be delaying the inevitable as the time on the clock continued to tick by and Neil would eventually walk through that door with a rageful fist. Her mom had been no help, just sitting in the kitchen flipping through the pages of a magazine. Complicit, just like she always was.

Billy had somehow managed to find the ability to fall asleep when they arrived home. The blue pacifier bobbed in his mouth as he laid there, giving all his trust in Max and Susan to protect him while he was vulnerable.

Max hadn’t even thought about the possibility that they would have to move again. She didn’t care anymore. All she cared about in that moment, sitting beside a scared and sleeping Billy, was protecting him like he always tried to protect her. Neither of them knew how to properly do it, and usually wound up only making things worse, but at least they were trying.

Max didn’t understand her mom. She didn’t understand how she could sit idly by and watch with her own eyes and listen with her own ears to the horrific acts that took place in that house. Max was small and powerless, but her mom wasn’t. She could have done something. She could be doing something. She did nothing.

She brought him home to a house that she knew was not safe for him, but pretended like she cared about what happened to him. It didn’t make sense. She needed to make a decision. Was she going to protect him, or was she going to let whatever happens happen?

Max heard the muffled sound of the front door opening and placed her entire body in front of Billy. She planted her feet in the ground and waited. She wouldn’t move unless someone came and forced her feet off the ground.

“Where’s Billy?” was the first thing Neil said when he walked through the front door. “His car isn’t outside.”

Max could hear he was already pissed off from the moment he walked throughout the door. She knew by his monotonous and accusatory tone. There was a sliver of hope that Max still hung onto that just maybe her mom did in fact have a plan, but it was brushed away when she didn’t hear a response to Neil’s question. It was just silence.

“I asked you a question.” His voice was mean and irritated, and Max was partly grateful that she was on the other side of the door and didn’t have to see the rage in Neil’s eyes just yet. “Where’s my son at?”

Max gripped the edge of the bed, her stomach sinking to the floor as she waited for Neil’s temper to get the best of him. She was afraid for Billy, but also for her mom, who sat defenseless on the other side of that door.

“Answer me!” Neil shouted, his voice shook the whole house, low, loud, and powerful. Max felt the wall rattle from a fist coming into contact, producing a loud and painful sounding boom.

Max faintly heard the sound of her mother give in, and she was slightly relieved, because as much as she hated how her mother never stood up for Billy, she didn’t want her to get hurt too. “He’s not feeling well,” she lied, “he’s asleep in his room.”

Max felt her heart stop as she heard Neil’s feet start to move closer to Billy’s room. “He doesn’t get to sleep in the middle of the day.” Neil scoffed. Max braced herself when she saw the door handle rattle and the shadow of a pair of feet under the crack in the door.

“Wait!” It was her mom again, her voice finally exceeding her indoor volume. “Just, let him rest, please.” she said. Max could only be grateful that she was trying, maybe not hard enough, but it was more than she had ever done for Billy.

“Susan, get out of my way.” Neil sounded so serious and so threatening that part of Max wanted to jump from where she was sitting on the bed, protecting Billy, and instead put herself in between Neil and her mom. Max didn’t know for sure that Neil would never lay a finger on herself, but she had a feeling that he had no issue placing his hands on his wife. He was just waiting for the right time. Just waiting for the moment Susan finally felt fully trapped in her marriage that no beating would cause her to escape.

Max could only hope that it was too soon for that.

The door swung open and Max felt like a strong breeze had pushed her back. Her mom flew through the door and stood by Max’s side, the two of them acting as a barricade to Billy.

Neil seemed to instantly spot the pacifier.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Neil spat. “Take that thing out of his mouth and wake him up.”

Max watched, amazed by the fact that her mom had made no attempt to follow his orders. She put her foot down. “No.” she said, “Please, Neil. Just let me take care of him. You don’t have to have any part in it.” Her mom was pleading with him, begging him to be reasonable.

Max had only learned it recently, but Neil was not a reasonable man.

“He’s not your kid, he’s mine!” Neil said the word ‘mine’ like Billy was an object, like he was merely a possession of his. “I make the decisions.”

Neil pressed forward, trying to move through the two of them like they weren’t even standing there. Max pushed against him, but he was heavy, and as much as she hated to admit it… she was afraid. The most she could do was beg, but Neil was unreasonable.

Neil grabbed Billy by the collar of his shirt and pulled his head up off the pillow. Billy’s eyes had sprung open and Max’s heart broke as she watched those innocent blue eyes of a little boy turn to terror as he laid there defenseless underneath the man of his nightmares.

“What did I tell you Billy!?” Neil screamed directly into his face, spit spraying everywhere. “What did I say would happen if you pulled this shit again!?”

Billy just started to cry. He was sobbing, in fact. Tears streamed down his face like impressive waterfalls and his voice was broken and high pitched like a wailing police siren.

Max couldn’t just stand there letting her own fear take control, not with the way Billy was screaming and crying out for help in the only way he knew how.

“Let go of him!” Max yelled, crawling onto the bed and forcing her way in between Neil and Billy. She laid down next to Billy and held him in her arms, hands grasping at each other around Billy’s back, locked together. “Leave him alone!”

She felt someone pulling at the back of her shirt. The fabric became tight around her neck, but she didn’t let go. She held on tight to the belief that Neil wouldn’t hurt her. She used it like a weapon. “This is none of your business, Maxine.” Neil said, pulling tighter on her shirt. “Go to your room.”

“No!” Max yelled.

The longer Neil pulled at her shirt, the longer he started to suspect that she was right. She couldn’t see Neil’s face, but it felt like she was winning. She stopped responding to his demands to leave and instead focused her attention on calming Billy down who was still crying, snot and tears getting all over Max’s shoulder.

She cooed in his ear, telling him everything would be alright even though she wasn’t totally sure that it was true.

She believed she was winning until she felt a hand grip her arm, hard and tight enough to leave a bruise. She felt her whole body freeze up, completely horrified, the realization hitting her like a wrecking ball that she was about to be added to the list of Neil’s victims.

But then she heard a high pitched slap, and for a second she thought her mom had been added to the list as well, but that was before she heard Neil shout and felt him release his grip on her arm.

“What the fuck!?”

“Keep your hands off my daughter!” her mom was screaming. She was enraged. Max could hear it clear in her voice.

She got a warm and fuzzy feeling in her stomach at the thought of Neil being hurt.

“You know what?” Neil said, kicking Kia boot against Billy’s nightstand, “Fine. You wanna protect this pathetic little shit? By all means, but I won’t allow it under my roof.”

There were no other words exchanged after that. Max could only assume what took place behind her was a series of gestures before Neil stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind him that he put a chip in the wood trim.

Max just hung onto Billy tightly who was still crying in her arms. None of anything was fair.

“It’s gonna be okay Billy.” she whispered into Billy’s ear. “Everything is gonna be okay.”

It felt like a lie, but it was all that she had left to offer.

- : -

Steve sat at his desk, drumming his fingers against the wood.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Billy.

The pit in his stomach just kept growing. He wanted to throw up every time he thought about the fact that he let Billy go back home to that house. He didn’t fight for him. He could have fought for him.

Nobody was fighting hard enough for him.

The walkie was basically screaming at him to turn it on and radio Max. He just wanted to ask her if he was okay. He just needed to know that Billy was safe and protected like his step-mom had promised.

Before he knew it he had the walkie held to his mouth.

“Max? It’s Steve. Are you there?”

Steve waited roughly thirty seconds before repeating himself.

“Max, it's Steve. Do you copy?”

Nothing.

Steve was on the verge of tears. He needed to know. He desperately needed to know.

“Max. Please answer.”

“I’m here! I’m here!” Max’s voice sounded like music.

Steve felt his whole body start to shake as he tried to speak. He didn’t have time to explain. He just needed to know. “Is Billy okay?” he asked. “Please tell me Billy is okay.”

The pause on the other end was far too long for Steve’s comfort. He was seconds away from grabbing his keys and driving himself down to Cherry lane and banging down the door himself.

“He’s okay right now,” Max said, “but that might change if he stays here any longer.”

Steve was so close to being relaxed, but his body just continued to jitter and vibrate, like his soul was trying to escape. “What does that mean Max?”

Max’s voice sounded pained. “He’s not safe here.” she admitted, audibly choking on her own tears, “He needs to leave but we have nowhere to take him.”

Steve was silent on the other end of the line. He was thinking while he let Max go on.

“He’s a little, Steve!” she shouted, “And he’s trapped in his headspace. He can’t take care of himself!”

There was a part of his brain that kept trying to remind him of who he was. This was Billy that they were talking about. The vengeful part of Steve wanted to believe that Billy didn’t deserve his help. He didn’t deserve his constant worrying. But his mind always flooded right back to that scared little boy standing in that bathroom, terrified of making even the most subtle of movements. He thought about the pain—the welts and the burns. He thought about how nobody, not even a guy like Billy, deserved to be treated like that.

Steve was already grabbing his keys.

“He has somewhere to go.” Steve said. His voice was determined and clear.

“I’m on my way.”

next chapter

[dragon-of-dreams]

Puzzling

My Masterlist

Part 5 to Cracking a Code

1;  2;  3;  4

Pairing: dark!Steve Rogers x Reader (fem)

Warnings: Swearing, gaslighting, stalking, aftermath of noncon, noncon touching, caregiving, but like by Steve, so not really, self-harm references (previous chapter, not premeditated), discussion of eating

Summary: Steve takes you home to “take care” of you.

A/n: I’m not super happy with this chapter… and maybe I’ll redo it sometime in the future, but I just wanted to give you an update. Sorry, that everything takes so long!

Word count: 2,300

The rest of the drive passed in a blur. Steve’s hand hardly left your thigh and you let him. You were so exhausted, you didn’t have the energy to fight him off anymore. You felt yourself retreating into your body, away from the reality of being groped in the fancy sports car of America’s bravest hero.

Steve helped you up the steps to your apartment. You’re entire body was shaking, leaving you on unsteady feet. If you didn’t know better you’d say you were coming down with a fever. But the reason for the shivers coursing through you was so much larger. Not something a few pills could fix. Steve gently led you into your home, almost as if he owned the place, deposited you on the couch, and covered you in a blanket. As he tucked you in, his hands respectful and his touch kind you surfaced for a brief second out of the hole of despair his comment in the car had put you in.

“There you are, angel.” Steve smiled as he noticed how your eyes started to focus a bit. “I’ll make you something to eat. I’ll be right back.” With that, he leaned in and placed the gentlest kiss on your forehead, before retreating to your kitchen. You watched him rummage around in the tiny space adjoining your living room. He looked at ease, at home, and oh so loving. Did yesterday really happen? you wondered. There they were again. Those thoughts you had to brandish all day yesterday as well. You started to stare off into the middle distance; once more slipping away from reality and the physical pain left in your body. You heard Steve tut slightly, the fridge door opening and closing, then the same sound from a bunch of your cabinet doors. Just as you wanted to call out to him, to ask if he needed help, a robotic response drilled into you by your mother, Steve appeared before you almost as if out of thin air. His gait as silent as any other predator’s.

“Darling,” he sounded concerned, “did you eat yet?”

You looked up at him, doe-eyed. “I.. uh… I must have. I have some overnight oats in the fridge, so if there are only three glasses in there, then yeah.” To be honest you couldn’t remember, nothing made sense.

“There’s four, darling… You really gotta eat breakfast! It’s important to keep your strength up, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah… I usually do. I promise” Why do I not wanna make him sad? Why do I want him to be proud of me? You thought bewildered, as you looked into Steve’s worried eyes before all semblance of structured thought left you again to the tide of confusion washing over you and pulling you under.

“Ok, babe, I trust you. I’ll make some now, okay? You just sit tight.” All you could do was nod. It was like it was all happening to someone else. You weren’t really here. You were so far away and so present at the same time that it hurt.

As Steve left you your mind went to war with itself.

Steve wasn’t a good guy. He wasn’t the hero on those posters, was he? But he was making you breakfast, he tucked you in. He sent Bucky to check on you. No… No, he sent Bucky to make sure you didn’t go to the police. Right? Right.

You could feel your mind shut off, drawing you down with it. All that happened, Steve’s non-linear behavior pushing you over the edge. Nothing made sense.

You barely noticed as Steve fed you breakfast, bite by bite, all that registered somewhere deep within you was his calm, deep guiding voice: “One more bite, there you go, good girl” all his encouragement mushing together in your brain, a soothing sensation flowing through your pain-addled brain.

After breakfast, you could feel Steve manipulate your body, as he wrapped himself around you and put on your favorite movie. As you lay there engulfed in the arms of this giant man, accompanied by the sounds of the movie you had watched a million times, you slowly started to become aware of yourself again. The body heat was so soothing and Steve’s deep humming voice pushed the fear that had kept you paralyzed further and further away. Making way for a seething rage, fickle but growing. As you tensed and readjusted your limbs Steve leaned forwards and kissed your temple. “I knew you were still in there, angel. I made some tea. It should still be hot. I put it in a thermos. Let’s talk okay?” Steve carefully helped you sit, every touch his, stoking the anger burning through you. Then, oblivious to the shift in your mood, he got up to grab the tea and cups as you looked around as if you were seeing your place for the first time. It no longer held the feeling of safety that comes with any good home. All you could see was Steve controlling you, in the TV that was slightly turned, the smell of his cologne on your couch, the dirty pans in the sink.

When Steve came back, your head was much clearer and you carefully reached for your cup and made sure to keep your distance from Steve as subtly as you could. Whatever was to come, was going to be important.

“You know darling, you will have to be nicer to Bucky. He’s only trying to help when I can’t be there. New York is dangerous, always has been. No one knows that better than me and Buck. He texted me, saying you were really rude on the train this morning, and quite frankly, darling, I’m disappointed that I even have to say this, but you have to appreciate what we do for you, okay?” Steve’s voice is calm, collected, and rational. There is nothing but honest concern in it for a moment it disrupts the anger building within you. “It’s time to play nice with Bucky now, okay? Be nice to him, maybe even as nice as you have been for me, understand?”

It’s the last sentence that sets you off, Steve’s expectant gaze, belittling you, that makes you blow your lid.

“What? What are you talking about? Play nice? I wasn’t being nice to you! I don’t want your protection or your attention, or Bucky’s for that matter!” Your voice is rising, as you grip your cup of tea so tight its heat sears your palms. “Get out of my life!” you yell. Then like a bucket of cold water realization sets in. Every muscle in Steve’s body tightens, you see his body expand with the change, looming over you, blacking out the window. You expect Steve to yell, beat you up, but when you dare to look up at his face, it is almost passive, but there is danger burning beneath his façade.

“I understand this is difficult for you.” Steve’s voice turns harder with every word. You notice the missing pet name like a slap to your face. “But I am getting pretty tired of this conversation. You need to rain in that attitude of yours, okay? Because I won’t tolerate you being a spoiled brat who doesn’t see what’s best for them. I’m looking out for you here, taking care of you, something you apparently struggle with,” with that Steve gestures at the remnants of your breakfast, the one he had to make for you, “and all I expect in return is some gratitude, towards me and towards Bucky. This is not up for discussion. And if you can’t behave, you’ll have to deal with the consequences, young lady. Is that understood?” By the end of his speech, Steve has risen to his feet, towering over you, his voice booming to fill your apartment, while you cower into the sofa. Your breathing is shallow and you are petrified. It feels too much like last night. When you didn’t have a choice either. And everything he was saying was making sense. New York was dangerous. And you really were terrible at feeding yourself correctly… Those oat thingies were just the newest thing you were trying in your never-ending quest to live more healthily… Usually, your job took preference over clean living. And Bucky hadn’t done anything to you either. He’d just been there to watch out for you… Steve, well… Steve really had done that, but he also held you today, when your brain shut down and made you food. He could have just left you at work, where you surely would’ve gotten nothing done or even caused trouble if you fucked up your work…

Shakily you nod and watch some of the tension leave Steve’s body and he crouches down in front of you. “Good, I knew you were smart like that. Now we can either go have a bath and soothe your body or you can freak out again and then I swear I’ll make you bear the consequences of your behavior for real this time. So what’s it gonna be, princess?”

You stare at him for a second. How is he so rational? Why does this all make sense? Authority has always been your weakness, and so you just nod because what the Captain says goes, and you learned that the hard way, and let Steve lead you to the bathroom. Maybe you will get to lay in his arms again and hear him praise you. It felt so good when he held you on the couch. You were safe in his arms. All you want is to be back in his embrace. Where the harsh reality can’t hurt you. So you allow Steve to strip you down, as hot water pours into your tub.

Suddenly Steve’s grip on your hip tightens painfully, as yanks your jeans off of you. You look down, scared, and find him staring at the bruises you must have caused yourself in the shower this morning when you were trying to wash the night away. “What is this? Explain, now!” he seethes and turns his scorching gaze towards you.

“I, when I showered, I, I just wanted to get clean…” you stammer.

“Clean? Clean! You hurt yourself! Jeez! How dare you do something like that to yourself? I really can’t let you out of my sight for one second, can I? Gotta watch you like a little kid!”

You feel a pang in your heart. You weren’t trying to be bad! You want to tell Steve, but he just turns off the water, grabs your upper arm, and drags you from the bathroom into your bedroom. As you stumble after him, you try to figure out what is happening.

“Steve?” you plead as he sits down on the bed and puts you over his lap.

“No, darling, not anymore. I have been way too kind to you so far, but apparently, the nice approach doesn’t work with you. So discipline is what you get.” He thunders, and then his hand is hitting your bum with enough force to make you scream. It happened so fast that your head is spinning.

As you lie across his lap everything felt like it’s wrapped in cotton. So much skin-to-skin contact fries your over-worked and touch-starved brain into submission as Steve’s hand is raining down on your ass, painting it crimson. You burst into tears without any control over yourself. “Steve,” you sob, “Steve please, I didn’t mean to, I swear, Steve!” and just as those words leave your mouth, he stops, picks you up, and hugs you close. Your nerve endings sing at the close contact and you sag into him, all tension leaving your body. His hands draw soothing circles on your back as he holds you tight.

“I got you baby.” Steve whispers as he settles you on the bed, “I know that hurt, but I needed you to see, you know?”

You cry and nod, burrowing into his hulking form hovering over you.

“I’ll make it better baby, I’ll make it all good, now,” Steve murmurs, as he leans in to kiss your forehead, while his right hand comes down and starts to play with your clit. “Oh darling, look at you! You’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Only then do you register the slick coating your thighs, embarrassed you want to turn from him, but Steve cages you in. “It’s okay babe, no reason to be shy about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting your man. Really, it just shows that you understand my discipline with you. I’m real proud of you, angel, real proud.” He mutters as he spreads your lips and slips two fingers in. You can’t help but moan and arch into him.

Steve is nothing but kind and soft with you as he readjusts both of your bodies until he sinks into your heat, and you both moan in unison. “There we go, darling. See how good I can be for you? There we go.” As he starts moving, slow and deep within you peace settles over you. “I’ll make you forget all that pain, babe, it’ll all be gone in just a minute now.” His fingers are rubbing circles around your clit while he keeps murmuring sweet encouragements into your ears as you climb and climb towards an orgasm that is so deep that it leaves you boneless in Steve’s arms until he finishes with a broken grunt deep inside of you. As Steve settles you in his arms after you can’t remember the last time you felt this sated, as you drift into a deep sleep with Steve’s spend slowly trickling out of you. For a split second, before you fall asleep the horror of what is happening to you is clear in your mind, but then, thankfully, once more your exhaustion pulls you under.

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Birdie’s Library of Sick

Here is a complete list of my longer fics. Regularly updated as I post, including all posted Sicktember fics. Full steam ahead for sneezes + fevers!

List is now revamped! Organized alphabetically by fandom/AU, then chronologically by date posted (for fandoms) or by character timeline (for OCs). Because I’m a nerd and I wanted all my darlings to be grouped together most efficiently.  Fics marked *** are my favorite of the things I’ve written... my greatest hits, if you will. Those are the ones I come back to read time and again when I’m in certain moods. Please check those out if you haven’t before, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Also, I have even longer stuff posted on AO3 under the same name (PerfectPaperBluebirds) so head on over there for even more sickfic goodness.

My ask box is always open for prompts! I’m always up to try something new, so if there's any aesthetics you want to see, please send them my way :)

Fandom

The Black Tapes Podcast:

Better Now 

(SKT ‘21) Sneezing 

***(SKT ‘22) Care Package 

(SKT ‘23) “But if you stay, you’ll get sick too.” 

Bridget Jones’s Diary:

(SKT ‘22) Taking a Sick Day (Bridget Jones’s Diary)

(SKT ‘23) Consulting the Internet 

Criminal Minds:

(SKT ‘21) Nebulizer (Sick Reid)

(SKT ‘21) Warm Soup (Sick Hotch)

Colder Weather (Sick Hotch)

Maybe Tomorrow Will Be Better (Sick Reid)

(SKT ‘23) Sick and Injured (Sick Morgan)

Encanto:

***(SKT ‘22) A Cry For Attention (Sick Bruno)

(SKT ‘23) Hiding an Illness (Sick Julieta)

Grey’s Anatomy:

(Secret Santa ‘22) To Make You Well (Sick Derek)

(SKT ‘23) “Did you just sneeze?” (Meredith Allergies)

Hannibal [TV]

***House Calls Pt. 1 (Sick Will)

***House Calls Pt. 2  (Sick Hannibal)

(SKT ‘21) Asleep on the Couch (Sick Will)

(SKT ‘21) Sick at Work (Everyone sick)

(SKT ‘22) Common Cold (Sick Hannibal)

(SKT ‘22) Tepid Bath (Sick Will)

SKT ‘23 Hopelessly Bad at Self Care (Sick Will)

Howl’s Moving Castle:

(SKT ‘21) Sneaky Temperature Check (Sick Sophie)

(SKT ‘23) Coughing Fit (Sick Howl)

Jurassic World: 

***(SKT ‘21) I’m Not Sick (Jurassic World)

(SKT ‘23) White Coat Syndrome

Knives Out:

(SKT ‘21) Headache/Migraine 

(SKT ‘21) Appendicitis [emeto]

(SKT ‘23) Beginner’s Guide to Faking Sick 

Letterkenny:

***(SKT ‘21) Bed Rest 

(SKT ‘21) Hot Water Bottle 

***Tender Loathing Care 

(SKT ‘23) Preventative Measures (Not Taken) 

MCU:

***(SKT ‘21) Fever [Sick Clint]

(SKT ‘21) Medicine (MCU Avengers AU) [Sick no serum Steve]

(SKT ‘22) Painkillers [Sick Tony]

(SKT ‘22) Hangover [Sick Thor] [emeto]

***(SKT ‘22) 'Great. Now I Have Your Germs All Over Me.’ [Sick Clint and Natasha]

(SKT ‘22) Seasonal Allergies [Sick Clint]

(SKT ‘22) Nausea/Upset Stomach [Sick Bruce] [emeto]

***(SKT ‘22) Whining/Crying [Sick Natasha]

(SKT ‘22) VapoRub [Sick Bucky]

(SKT ‘22) Lethargy/Exhaustion [Sick Steve]

(SKT ‘23) “I should have stayed home.” [Sick Steve)

New Girl:

(SKT ‘21) Faking it (Sick Jess)

(SKT ‘21) Ginger Ale and Crackers [emeto] (Sick guys)

(SKT ‘23) “What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?” (Sick Schmidt)

The Office:

(SKT ‘21) Chicken Pox (Sick Jim Halpert)

(SKT ‘21) Quarantine (Sick Michael Scott)

(SKT ‘22) Intense Coddling (Sick Ryan Howard)

What A Lovely Way to Burn (Sick Ryan Howard)

(SKT ‘23) Patient Zero (Sick Andy Bernard) 

Pride and Prejudice:

A Darcy Day Off

Reunion 

***(SKT ‘21) Contagious

***(SKT ‘21) Stay (Follow-up to Contagious)

Cold Comfort 

Eyes On You 

(SKT ‘23) “Wear a coat, you’ll catch cold.” 

Star Wars:

***(SKT ‘21) Aches and Pains [the Mandalorian]

(SKT ‘21) Unlikely Caregiver (Rey and Kylo)

***Safe and Warm (Follow-up to Aches and Pains )

(SKT ‘23) “I shouldn’t be worried about you, but for some reason I am.” (Rey and Kylo)

Historical/Fantasy OCs

Cowboy ‘Verse:

***(SKT ‘22) Home remedy

(SKT ‘23) Persistent Fever 

DnD OCs (Filius, Gundor, Kandry, Lorellyn):

***(SKT ‘21) Blankets

(SKT ‘22) ‘Do You Know How To Take Care of a Sick Person?’ 

***(SKT ‘22) Sleepless Night/s 

(SKT ‘23) Quest for a Cure 

Navy Man OCs (Capt. Michael Ingram):

Tidings of Comfort (Holiday fic 2021) [emeto]

(SKT ‘22) Homesick 

(SKT ‘22) ‘I Might Be A Teeny Tiny Bit Sick, But It’s Fine.’ (Follow-up to Tidings of Comfort)

(SKT ‘23) Sick in an Inconvenient Place 

Roaring Twenties ‘Verse (Jesse Hamilton):

(SKT ‘21) Missing Out (Roaring Twenties, Holiday fic) [emeto]

(SKT ‘23) Terms of Endearment/Nicknames

Plague Doctor OCs (Alastair and Eliza):

***The Doctor Is In... the Inn 

(SKT ‘22) Soft Pajamas

(SKT ‘23) Confused/Disoriented 

Science Lovers OCs (Peter and Violet):

***Under the Willow 

(SKT ‘22) Sunburn

(SKT ‘23) Old Wives Tale

Sorcerer ‘Verse OCs (Elmrador Renata and Co.):

Spells and Sneezes

Powers and Flowers 

(SKT ‘22) ‘Blow Your Nose’ 

***Curses and Comforts (Follow-up to Powers and Flowers )

(SKT ‘23) Magical Remedy/Healing Potion [emeto]

Sprite Kingdom (Aleander the Healer)

Icing and Frosting (Sprite Kingdom)

(SKT ‘23) Side Effects/Adverse Reaction 

Vicar ‘Verse OCs (Nicholas and Lydia Lennox):

***A Virus for the Vicar

(SKT ‘22) ‘Get Back in Bed!’ 

(SKT ‘23) Anxious Stomach [emeto]

Wagon Train OCs (Dan and Ella)

Here Comes the Sun 

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

(SKT ‘23) Uncooperative Patient 

Historical/Fantasy OC one-offs (for now):

An Artist’s Study on Illness (Italian Artists)

To the Place I Belong (Vampire ‘Verse, Halloween 2022)

Modern OCs

CottageVersity OCs (Tenbusch family):

***Mess Is Mine (Thad & JB, JB sick)

***(SKT ‘22) Psychogenic Fever/Stress Induced Illness (Thad & JB, JB sick)

(SKT ‘22) Cold Sweat (Theo sick)

[CW: Homophobia] The Last Christmas (All, Thad & JB sick)

[the Meet-cute!] Pretty Girls and Starting Conversations (Thalia & Padma, Thalia sick)

(SKT ‘23) “The only place we’re going is the pharmacy.” (Thalia sick)

Holding Onto Me So Tight (Thad & JB, both sick) 

Sick of It (All, Theo/JB/Padma sick)

***Miserable At Best  (All sick)

(SKT ‘22) Cuddling on the Couch (Thalia & Padma, Padma sick)

Priest ‘Verse (Father Luc and Flora):

I Can Go No Longer (Sick priest)

Cheer My Wearied Spirit (Sick Flora)

***(SKT ‘22) Tickle in the Throat [Sick priest] (The Beginning Pt. 1)

Feel My Temperature Rising [Sick Priest] (The Beginning Pt. 2)

(SKT ‘23) Curled Up With a Pet (Sick priest) 

Rockstar ‘Verse (Vic and Addison):

***(SKT ‘22) Syncope/Fainting 

(SKT ‘23) “You’re a jerk when you’re sick.” 

Shane and Molly (Shmolly):

[the Meet-cute!] Let Your Heart Be Light (Sick Shane)

(SKT ‘22) ‘I Need You To Pull Over!’ (Sick Shane) [emeto]

***(SKT ‘21) Doctor’s Visit/Check Up (Sick Shane)

Under the Weather Pt. 1 (Sick Shane)

Under the Weather Pt. 2 (Both Sick)

***(SKT ‘22) Sick On Vacation (Sick Molly)

***Without You (Sick Shane)

We’ll Share A Cup of Kindness Yet (Both Sick)

***Never Gonna Leave This Bed (Both Sick)

(SKT ‘23) “I could really use a hug right about now.” (Sick Shane) 

Modern OC one-offs (for now):

Hospitality (Banquets and Events OCs)

Book Club (Business Boutique OCs)

Domestic Drabble #97 (In F [lu] Major)