#cared abt someone and all it did was make them hurt more and its rly the only reason they arent fighting against the other survivors much
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Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)
#rat rambles#Im starting to feel better tho Im betting within a day or two Ill have made a full recovery#but I just have so many things I wanna draw all the sudden and its killing me#its because I've been thinking abt ocs again and that gives me a lot more options lol#in particular I've been thinking abt marci and toon more again recently#its just the two of them flirting in their mutual workplace environment with toon being dead serious and marci doing it ironically#the main thing is that marci was rly under the impression that toon like. hated her and was taunting her since they're friends with loonie#who long story short is marci's ex childhood best friend who she fell out with after the death of loonie's mom#the two are not on good terms in the slightest and marci knows very well that loonie would want her dead if she had been more honest#so as toon starts to like get more casual and like genuine with marci as the two spend more time together marci warms up somewhat but still#doesn't rly see toon as a friendly figure until they take her out to a museum and marci kind of snaps a bit and asks toon to stop beating#around the bush and is caught off guard when toon seems genuinely kind of hurt and meekly explains that they were just trying to help her#because she had seemed rly stressed and sad all the time and they thought that their lil dates had been helping her relax a bit#that confrontation left marci initially feeling confused but after the initial shock she was mostly left with a sense of dread and guilt#partially because she had just snapped at someone who she had grown to care abt for no reason and partially because she now felt that she#was hiding stuff from toon that would cause them to change their mind on her immediately if they knew#aka that she and loonie are divorced and that she thinks its mom sucked absolute ass (which she did)#oh and also that she used to have a crush on the guy that killed its mom who was also his mom which is also the reason she hates said mom#said mom treated him (aka midas) like shit and tried to get him killed several times#so when all hell broke loose marci at the end ended up mourning midas much more than his mom who everyone else was mourning#including loonie since it actually had a very positive relationship with its mom and a very distant relationship from its siblings#now marci never admitted all of this to anyone but she did act on those feelings to eventually lash out at loonie causing a huge fight#basically she yelled at it for being pushy and clingy and forcing her into a job she didnt want and expecting her to solve all its problems#the two dont necessarily hate eachother but they definitely heavily resent eachother#they still often long for eachothers companionship but not nearly enough for either to wanna make ammends#so toon quite liking both of them causes some internal conflict for the both of them#loonie is fully aware that toon has a big ol crush on marci but doesnt stop them from being friends with her even if it makes it sad#and marci rly wishes that toon wasnt friends with loonie but feels guilty for feeling that way#its a complicated situation and one that rly isn't helped by the fact that one of the three has the dead god queen mom#loonie could get away with a Lot and everyone knows it
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AITA for almost making someone die?
ok ik thats a lot, so ill try to start at the beginning. i (17nb) have been working with this one environmental organization since it was started when i was 12. ive devoted a lot of time to it n to seeing it grow, n when the group got big enough that we could rly expand to more places than just my country i was actually assigned to be in charge of running things here. i dont do it alone or anything bc i do have help from our real leader (40s m) n the people who run the branches in the 2 other countries we operate in, especially the one whos also been here since the beginning (30s nb), but its still a rly big responsibility n its important for me to b able to focus n not let other things distract me from my job.
a few months back, i thought it mite b nice to make my own account on the social media site where our group has the most presence so i could post abt personal things. i didnt mention my connections though (the stuff we do is kinda a bit illegal). it went rly well, n i ended up talking to this one person (20s f) who was rly nice, n we became friends p quick. the big problem was that she didnt like my group at all bc she was rly mad abt some of the stuff we'd done in her country, so there was kinda a conflict there. but some stuff happened, she ended up finding out who i rly was, n surprisingly she wasnt rly that mad at me? n she promised to keep it a secret, n it kinda went well from there other than it being kinda uncomfortable that she liked me n not what i do.
i mean, it did for a while. eventually though it became rly clear that talking to her was distracting me from my work, so my boss n coworker asked me to cut her off. n it hurt kinda a lot, but i did it. n thats where the story shouldve ended.
then i kinda fucked up. i was feeling rly weird bc of of smth that had just happened, n my boss n coworker weren't able 2 pick up the phone. my other coworker (??? i dont even kno this persons pronouns) isnt rly good w emotional stuff, but that was the last person i had to contact for support. n that person wasnt there either.
n i kno it was a mistake. i kno i shouldnt have done it. but i was kinda desperate for someone to talk to, n i ended up calling the friend id cut off even though i knew i wasnt supposed to. n she answered, n we talked. n i tried to go back to normal after that, but she started texting me again, n eventually i broke n answered her.
fast forward to today, n i just found out that my coworker had to try to kill my friend bc i couldnt control myself w her. the person who told me says it wasnt my fault, but if id just been able to resist the temptation to contact her again there wouldnt have been any messages for them to see in the first place. n on top of that, i kno that caring abt ppl too much makes them die, n i still let myself make that connection w her in the first place.
i mean, i think its p clear im the asshole here. basically the whole posts just been stuff i did wrong. but i kinda want to get confirmation, just so i dont have to keep thinking abt the thing the person who gave me the news said.
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gosh, mentioning your friend who got bowled over by act 2 autumn mustāve been foreshadowing, because I, who foolishly was like, oh I donāt think Iāll relate to azami that much heās very different from me but itāll be fun to see autumn, cried twice while going thru the back half of this story. jeez. Iāll may have to be a bit less chronological than usual for the sake of keeping all of that stuff later.
zombie run night was rly great! more like zombie fun night amirite. Iām sorry I make bad jokes. banri getting azami to be a zombie as well was so nice like. again heās being a good leader.
tenma being scared of zombies makes sense obviously. Iām with him. not zombies but when I was staying with a relative a while back I found a lizard the length of my hand in the bathroom and then refused to use that bathroom for the rest of my stay.
I really liked the eyeball necklace detailāit made the event feel real and also considerate? the moment yuki just went ā¦ at tenma I Knew he had planted the necklace on him tho. heās so funny for that. seeing that and being like yeah tenma youāre so right. you donāt need to participate. cant believe mankai didnāt recognize banri when he caught them. azami must have some stellar makeup skills
azami going after sakyo and haunting him abt his budget lifestyle was sooo funny. like I was bracing for something slightly charged to happen but it was just funny. and he had a good time!! Iām glad. I liked that banri was like. still encouraging to azami even tho his acting motives arenāt the purest lol. I mean to be fair he has no room to talk there but itās also just nice to like. meet him where heās at. like we see azami doesnāt really get The Feeling until closing night but. things take time.
azami and omis whole thing was. so good. like the way he wonāt even like accept a bandaid is so. azamiā¦ I loved the way they resolved it? first seeing omi juza and tsuzuru talking in uni was cool. but then kumon approaching azami was like. so nice. again the way that they like talk and kumonās like I miss summer! and u can Hear the smile in azamis voice when heās like come on summer literally just ended!
but him being awkward around omi bc heās not sure what a mother should be likeā¦ gosh. like the way he describes the whole thing as like. strange and confusing Iām going to vote the wall like. like yeah actually thatās exactly how it feels when someone is kind to you in a way you havenāt yet experienced it makes you want to throw it off immediately bc itās like whoa whoa hold on. Iām not allowed this kind of thing. anyways just. no wonder he likes kumon so much that guy is like, effusive in his praise and azami probably likes having ppl around who are Nice like that. loved omis portrait. it was so good. and it like. absolutely sucks that he had to grow up that quick. very nice to see nachi again, though. but when kid-omi was like: one day in the future. Iāll take a break for myself :) omi. omi Iām shaking you. have you ever really done that. well ig now that heās living in mankai heās letting his family take care of housework and stuff? but like, still.
minor note but when theyāre doing a street act it was rly cool to see juza just like seamlessly and confidently advertise the play. heās come so farā¦
*cracks knuckles* alright all of that was warmup now itās time for the BIG STUFF. azami almost got hit by a car!!!! the cg there was like. So Good. like the way sakyo is absolutely Frazzledā¦ yeah. like god I keep thinking abt that cg. its sooo. wow!! i dont think ive seen sakyo look so distressed!!! hes not wearing glasses bc he was so shocked that he ended up breaking his glasses in the rush to get there!! its like. azami look... u have a dad that wishes for your every happiness... and azami is just Sitting There mostly unharmed and looking a little confused like huhā¦ whyās sakyo looking so out of sortsā¦ itās wonderful. and the way sakyo is like even if it was just a scrape I need to find who did this and hurt them. like godddd and the way heās like āso I donāt even have the right to worry about you anymore?ā I am. Going to cry.
what rly got me tho was like the whole jin-gi-oh cards though bc like first off sakyo remembered ALL of them but also!! also just the way u can hear azami kind of mumble stutter like we-well I bet he doesnāt even remember the card stuff (why would he really care about meā¦) and then sakyo clearly Does. and itās just like.
itās so clear that while sakyo is convinced that he barely has the right to talk to azami bc he betrayed him by chasing after his dreamā¦ a lot of what azami is worried about is that sakyo doesnāt care about him anymore. like imagine youāre fourteen and youāve just learned that the guy you secretly think of as your dad, whoās like the only one thatās supported your dreams, is leaving you to pursue his own. without you. and you get into a huge fight with him about it and storm off. and then a week passes and you donāt hear from him. months pass and you donāt hear from him. whenever heās around doing ginsenkai stuff you justā¦ donāt really talk to him. and youāre fourteen maybe fifteen so youāre too embarrassed to reach out first. besides if he left that easily maybe this whole thing was just a job to him, huh? maybe he never liked you as much as you liked him. whatever. whatever. itās fine. like the āI bet heās having so much fun nowā line azami saysā¦ itās so clear he believes like. oh sakyo was slumming it with me and left for greener pastures.
and of course sakyo is sitting there like oh Iāve committed the biggest betrayal ever by not supporting his dreams well enough. he probably hates me and doesnāt want to ever see my face again. and like thatās not helping.
and then you run away from your bio dad because you canāt let go of your own dreams and when you donāt have anywhere to go it turns out that you can actually run to the place sakyo went to. and strangest of all sakyo is letting you stay. like the way he just. the pause he has when sakyo says heās basically his guardian. the feeling of. sakyo isā¦ admitting that? does heā¦ does he WANT to be my dad (I thought he didnāt want toā)
and now youāre here in a hospital and just saw sakyo was super worried about you and also like. maybe treasures you in the way that you thought he did. sakyo says his story of running away is about a pathetic kid but itās also like. for azami he just learned that the card thing he did with sakyo and liked so much that he still keeps them carefully is actually a parent-child thing sakyo did with his own mom!!! itās like. oh my god.
azami talking abt his own experience with buying cards and then his dad trashing them, thoughā¦ I. hm. I am going to leave the section abt azamiās bio dad alone bc Iām tempted to get mean about it and I kind of want to leave that for later.
so, skipping forward to the actual playā¦ it was so cool to see summer come in for support! and I always love seeing how the chapters extend what we see in the actual play. also the voice acting thatās good too. the one thing I noticed was like. āyou remember the boy with brown hair you killed three years ago?ā whoās going to tell them that taichis hair is as red as ever. so royās hair was never brown. it got kinda brown when he became undead? but before I donāt think it was.
cannot believe those asshole delinquents were the ones who almost hit azami. the title ābuff high schoolerā is just rly funny to me tho. sakoda chasing after azami and then calling everyone was so good of him. smart choice my guy. love how everyone in autumn (minus taichi who seems a little nervous) is like. itās fighting time. very cool to see all of natsugumi volunteer to be opening act. was confused by the āI always repay my debtsā line but I think itās for banri acting as stand in for kumon? which is nice bc itās like. tenma is the one saying this so it rly just gives the idea that like. natsugumi is a team yknow. and later when they do the acting it meshes so well with the actual play? bc like they had a specific point where they were like oh letās adlib and do some comedy thatās undead related to make sure the play isnāt a bummer. and then hereās natsugumi just doing like those sorts of jokes.
anyways back to azamis kidnapping.
muku: wonāt it be bad if they see ur faces?
me: ā¦ah. I have. the faintest idea of where this is going [judo bear nozaki flashes to my head]
THE CG WAS. THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF A CG EVER ITS SO GOOD. I LOST MY SHIT. THE HOLLOW EYES R KINDA TERRIFYING IN A REALLY FUNNY WAY. TAICHI THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA. the guitar / bass guitar (? idk instruments) that rolls in during this scene is amazingggg. itās just the like instrumental break part of respawn which is. I went and listened to that after finishing boyhood collage and the song is like, sooooo good. much love to it. the rly fast vocal parts made me think of the fast parts of worlds end dancehall. which is like also apocalyptic setting so that was cool. also I love worlds end dancehall.
they were so funny during this tho. sakyo going āroooar. give us back our friend, you punkass kids.ā and juza forgetting what bears sound like so he just literally goes ābeaaarrrrā what are you a PokĆ©mon?
and sakoda running towards azami!!! <3 I grew soooo much affection for sakoda in this story tbh like he takes care of azami so well!
thought it was very interesting that like. when they return, everyone in natsugumi is audibly exhausted minus tenma (heās probably got great acting stamina) and misumi (I donāt think he says any lines here? but heās probably just got excellent physical stamina. and he and tenma did start out with the like best acting chops of the troupe) which is a cool detail.
and then azami just carefully opening up that he was terrified. not of being hit but of disappointing them and the play. and then when he says to sakyoā¦ āIām only saying this once, but when I was a kid, I always thought of you as my dad. Andā¦ I still do.ā IM GOING TO CRY. idk. like the way that azami just Says That and letās it hang there and then they do the play.
izumi: wow the fight scenes r intense today! (please donāt tell me itās bc they were just actually fightingā¦)
damn izumi what do u want me to tell you then. huh. they stomped in their with their animal heads and azami pirouetted back to mankai? no violence involved?
and sakoda crying at the play!! again I can hear the smile in azamis voice when sakodas like bawling in front of him. when azami was like. shift couldnāt make itā¦? I paused and was like. azami implied shift had an interest in theater at the end of act 2 summerā¦ could it beā¦ and then when azami was like āthe god troupe, huhā¦ā I was like ahhhh fuck. we shall see what goes on there later ig.
also they bring up vkei again when talking abt what they want to do next and izumi shut it downā¦ what do u have against it! honestly eyes emoji at masumi saying he likes it, tho... mazumi expressing an opinion that doesnt align with izumi's personal tastes??? maybe Iām missing something.
but the ENDING!!!!!
citron: "I have reached my limit..." AND THEN GUYS THERE HES LITERALLY THERE!!!!! Iām assuming the <> for their dialogue means theyāre speaking in their native tongue anyways im going to obsess over <Citronia.> <I've come to get you.> / <I've been wondering when you'd get here.> I knew guy was coming to get citron so Iām glad to see thatās confirmedā¦ already gave my theories on the specifics so Iām interested to see if Iām anywhere close to the mark there.
okay and Now I can talk abt azamis bio dad. i. uh. I hate him. actually he really grinds my gears in a way I didnāt think was going to happen. so Iām worried that Iām being like somewhat unfair to him bc Iām projecting my own biases onto him. so Iām sorry if u have like good opinions of him. itās rly so funny tho I knew azami did like makeup and stuff and I was like āoh I have. No Interest in makeup or skincare so I probably wonāt relate to it too hardā and then This happened and itās like I got hit with a bowling ball.
like goddd. the way azami is like yeah I bought some cards with my allowance, and then my dad whoās not sakyo found out and threw them out. āI learned then to never let my dad get his hands on anything Iād bought with my own moneyā gahā¦ not to overshare but like, I feel azami so much there. growing up I would like. never want to tell my parents I liked Anything bc I knew theyād be like oh youāre so silly and dumb and stupid for wanting any kind of merch or collectibles! itās such a hassle!! why do u like this stupid thing!! so. ahah. I went to a concert for the first time this year and I remember my parents thinking it was weird but then one day my dad called me and he was like oh I was talking to a colleague abt the concert youāre going too and he says that band you like is like, super cool and popular. so itās like ah. ig now that an Adult has approved it Iām a cool kid now. the same way my writing was worth shit and was totally useless until a family friend kept gushing about the way Iād helped their daughter. anyways what Iām saying it is azami I get it.
and his dad then trashed his makeup, tooā¦ like the way sakyos defense for the handmade cards were that they were like āyakuzaā cards so he couldnāt complain like itās a flimsy defense but the fact that he even had to like, make a Justification about these cards when itās like. these handmade cards arenāt going to help azami fit in or make friends at all so like theyāre not accomplishing what the store bought ones were for. but like you still need to defend against it.
but yeah the way itās like. wow at a pretty young age azami was like oh okay. so if I like ANYTHING I canāt tell my dad about it or he might ruin it. do I feel that this is perhaps part of why he seems so cautionary abt romance yeah sure.
the first time I actually teared up during this whole thing was actually sakyo in the hospital telling azami not to give up. that he can do it even in defiance of his parents. and itās so meaningful bc sakyos like his DAD. and heās telling him heāll support himā¦ like idk. something so heartwarming abt a parental figure being like, hey, you need to prize yourself to the point that if needs must, you can even rebel against me.
the conversation sakyo and izumi have after that, tooā¦ āafter seeing my boss, I get the feeling thereās no dad out there who doesnāt care about his kids.ā this line makes me feel. So Complicated. like I wonāt deny the fact that I think azamis dad cares for him onā¦. Some levelā¦. but itās like homares grandmother. im glad she loved him but it doesnāt erase the ways that she hurt him, yknow?
also sakyo. you live with misumi tenma and masumi. masumi you can maybe argue his dad caring abt him and same with tenma (but. I mean Iām not HAPPY abt arguing that bc they r rly under baseline care.) but anyways are u gonna do that with misumiās dad. then again probably only summer troupe knows about the situation thereā¦ honestly sakyo probably knows nothing abt the tenma situation too. so heād only know about masumi and masumis dad seemed like fairly reasonable and nice at the end.
sakoda was so cool here tho. first off having the nerve to even try to still lie about the tickets to protect azami. and then when azami got dragged to his bio dad the fact that sakoda just. started yelling at him? amazing. this made me cry again. like yeah sakodas been watching himā¦ what azamis doing isnāt childās play! heās right! and sakoda knows all of this bc heās been caring abt that kid for forever!! to the point that heāll yell at the yakuza head like this bc he cares that much!!!
and azami is like. god. I rly love the way he was like. so openly resentful. āSince when have you ever been a father to me?! Dont pull that shit on me now!ā ouch. so true though.
and the. the way that uh. āWh-what are you bowing for? This asshole doesnāt deserveāā you can HEAR the trembling in his voice. heās holding back tears. sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are likeā¦ sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasnāt really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways.
anyways I hadnāt thought abt this until now but itās like huhā¦ yeah no wonder azami made something up. he wouldnāt want to talk abt sakyo in front of sakyo bc that would be like admitting he still cared abt him. and he didnāt want to talk abt his parents in front of sakyo bc uh. it would be complicated ofc. like in his boyhood collage he was like oh I donāt even remember why I ran away, but shift was probably frustrated and stuff. but like clearly azamis mom had just recently died at that point. he probably just didnāt want to talk about that.
the reveal that the magic brush he uses on kumon was his mothers makeup brush, thoughā¦ like the way it was her cheek blush to make herself look less sick. and he does the same thing for kumon years later. it just makes itā¦ so much more affectionate. āI wanted to use its magic to make someone happy like that again. I wanted to do for someone else what I could no longer do for my mom.ā and YOU DID!!!
and then his bio dadās response to all of this. āwell, arenāt you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think thereās a parent out there who doesnāt want to support his childās dreams?ā yes. yes absolutely.
and the way his reasoning is just like. he just thought azami was making up excuses to run away from the family. that uh. thatās not. trueā¦ ugh this part is what made me so frustrated. like azami, after his portrait, so very specifically asserts thatās heās his son and because of that heāll do anything for him and ginsenkai family. and itās like. Yeah. I know what itās like to be so aware of your position as someoneās child and know that even as you hate them you will also do anything for them even if they wonāt recognize that. likeā¦ he never even asked. azami was so pissed about getting his makeup trashed that he literally ran away and didnāt come back. and youāre still assuming oh it was a little side hobby, if he REALLY cared about it he wouldāve, what, psychic mind beamed the force of his feelings to you? if you had paid attention like sakyo or sakoda you wouldāve clearly seen how long and how deeply heās loved it for. even if it had been for a short time how would you know it wouldnāt grow into something else, anyways. like acting.
also his āstudy your ass off and aim for the top.ā line about makeup and then when he gifts him the makeup set laterā¦ good on him for personally buying that stuff. but that line left such a sour taste for me bc itās like. ughā¦ honestly it just hit a sore spot bc I remember my parents being like. hi child. you can do like, anything you want supposedly but if you want to do like Anything in the humanities field or arts field youāll have to be the top 1% of it otherwise youāll die alone. so like if youāre not good enough to do that just quit (I am implying youāre not good enough). and itās just like. idk. the sort of implications that if azamis not like the best at makeup ever and also that if he hadnāt chosen to do it bc of his mother and it was just something he Liked, then that reason wouldnāt be enoughā¦? thatās just the vibe I get.
also azamis bio dad being like sigh Iāll tell sayuri youāve become a strong independent man instead of the family head. it just rly irks me like. even now it felt like hey old man. are you looking more at your dead wife than youāre looking at your actual child. because thatās what it feels like.
anyways idk. I hope azami has more space later in life to be a bit more resentful bc I think he deserves it, yknow? I think the way the whole thing went down like, Made Sense bc why would that guy like admit he had hurt his sonā¦ thatās like. unrealistic. so I donāt think the story was written badly or anything. it just made me like. really sad. azami didnāt end up loudly crying (im not counting the wailing he has to do in the play for his dead dad.) and like that makes sense to me. actually I think it was very Cool Of Him to never lose his composure That Badly. uh and heās going to do great considering he as a middle schooler is like rolling normally with college students. but I just want him to be like. feel safe even when heās not excelling, yknow?
I fear I lost the plot or rambled a bit too hard there at the end, so sorry if itās incoherent!! I rly like azami!! this was a very good story. im also ridiculously excited for winter.
HUH OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. a3 relatability strikes again?
let's go into it!
dFKJDFKLFDJ zombie fun night is perfect. Banri is really being a good leader and figuring out how to have Azami engage with what they're going to do it's just. god Banri is good.
HELPP. Tenma scaredycat, but also for the lizard thing, so valid, i would do the same. AND HELP for the necklace. This is so funny. and yeah Azami's makeup skills truly are shining there! DLKFJDKLFJD being so used to a3 dropping emotional bombs that this just ended up being funny makes it even softer. But yeah agreed on the way Banri coaches him and still encourages him even though it's obvious Azami doesn't feel the same way about theater yet. For Banri who went from uninterested to "this is my whole life actually", it must be jarring to look at this past mirror, but even more reasons to take it easy.
God the Omi and Azami scene was so good. (friend was staring into oblivion during this whole scene and then cursed me. I would love to be all awww but i couldn't stop laughing.)
But yeah it was so nice that like, so many of them worked together in trying to help out? like it really shows that they're really all a family and a community now, and they'll try to help with their newest members as well. AND AWW. yeah Summer is happiness itself. always missing them. even Azami cannot resist them.
BUT YEAH Azami's awkwardness aroound Omi is just. man. Exactly as you say, it's just, difficult to approach right. but yeah it does serve to justify why it goes smoothly with Kumon on the other hand. Omimi's portraitā¦ just, absolutely heartbreaking again as always. I wonder if Omi did take a break when he was being a delinquant and therefore is doubling down on being of service because he still feels guilty for this time. or if him joining the theater troupe is his vision of taking a break since it means his family has to handle things on their own. Or maybe like Juza and Taichi he's just being too hard on himself.
JUZA SO GOOD. ALWAYS.
and here's the meat of it! yes that CGI was so good man. You really feel just how important Azami is to Sakyo in that image. Also if i recall correctly, Kumon panicked over the phone so they really all expected it to be bad while it was just, Kumon panicking, which somewhat makes it even funnier to me. Anyway. Sakyo good dad. that's all i'd say. god this scene is so emo. AND YESS SOBS THE CARDS STUFF. IT'S GENUINELY SO EMO. Azami not able to believe Sakyo would care this much while of course Sakyo does, come on and it's just. god this arc. God the whole way you describe Azami's thoughtprocess is bringing me to tears. I feel like this is exactly how he felt it yeah. Sakyo is worrying about how he "betrayed" Azami by leaving while Azami would have been just fine with it if it didn't feel like Sakyo was abandonning him and only thinking of him as a duty, and it's just. godd. and goddd the way you describe the rest i'm just. soso emo. They really have a neat relationship, a hurt neither of them were able to explain to the other and therefore they hurt one another like that, but they genuinely care so much and want to be part of each other's lives and and y'know what Azami maybe Sakyo is the only dad you need.
SUMMER SO COOL YEAH!! And yeah the play is pretty nice, though yeah. I guess with Azami at makeup they tried new hair things but Taichi's hair stayed too red for it all smh! but i guess in a huge theater it might not matter so much.
SAKODA IS SOOOO GOOD, UNSUNG MVP OF THIS EPISODE. yeah for Tenma's "i always repay my debts" it's about how Autumn helped Kumon out, so Summer is going to help Autumn and Azami out as well basically. And yeah Tenma definitely see them as a team, he's Natsugumi's leader and therefore he speaks for and takes debts for all of Natsugumi. What a lad. But Natsugumi did such a good job and i love how hard they helped on this one. truly MVPs.
Also yes i love how all of Autumn was ready to fight except Taichi who was nervous, but i love even more that it's Taichi who comes up with the plan on how to infiltrate the base. Really reminding us that he was with the "Bad Boys" because of spy related crimes by how he can come up with plans to infiltrate stuff, but also i love this so much. It's kinda where i started to have my headcanon of "Taichi is scaryingly smart when it comes to illegal stuff". Like the idea of Taichi messing up say, simple math, but coming up with an infiltration plan that would even have Chikage pause is one of my favorit headcanons ever, and it all started because of this.
BUT YES THE CG WAS SO GODDAMN PERFECT. IT'S ONE OF MY FAV CG EVER IT'S SO FUNNY. And with the song in the back, it was GLORIOUS. i'm glad you liked Respawn!!!! it's such a neat song! Also i need to share this stage video: https://www.tumblr.com/icharchivist/708632707674079232?source=share
BUT YEAH it was so funny and i lOVE that they were dedicated in like, actually playing their animals like. dguys you didn't HAVE to. you're just so funny. AND JUZA'S "BEAAAR", it's so good. I love them so much.
Sakoda MPV <33333 he really does take care of Azami so well it's really soft.
And yeah Summer's exhaustion is a nice detail. god it makes me wonder for how long they went on, a wonder the public didn't get weirded out by it.
AND SOBS YEAH AZAMI'S SPEECH. YEAH. And also the "maybe it's because i have two assholes dad that i turned into such an asshole" with a bright smile on his face. god he's so good.
And eheheh for Shift, but, yeah. yeahā¦. AND SAKODA REALLY GOOD. and please just let them having some vkei related play it's all good!! it's worth it!! maybe this time none of you would oppose Juza wearing a dress if the whole thing is about being scared he wouldn't look feminine enough smh!! AND LDKJFKLDFJD MASUMI'S RARE INDIVIDUALISTIC MOMENT.
AND THAT ENDING!!! yeah < > are for foreign languages in general, and in their case it's their native one. But finally. Guy teasing just to build up to it now!!!
Ok so, now, Azami's dad.
"my dad who's not Sakyo" i love that we're carrying it on on "Real Dad Sakyo" and "Not Sakyo Dad", it says everything.
And i'm all good with the oversharing as long as you're comfortable with it, and man. Yeah i feel you on that, my family is pretty much the same. I've also had my family like, throw out or destroy my stuff, important stuff, either without my knowledge or in front of me, so to say i felt Azami really hard would be an understatement. It's a whole level of violation that is just, really hard to swallow and forgive. Impossible even.
Honestly the whole writings over the problematic dads of Mankai, in the whole story, is so conflicting to me in general. I feel like. The issue is that most of the bad parents we meet don't have anything else going for them, the only thing we know about them per se is their function in society, and that they're bad with their kids. They're tools for their kids's backstory more than actual people. And i feel like Azami's dad actually sounds like a real person. A conflicting, messed up person with his own issues, and that ends up hurting Azami as a result. There's a difficulty to reconcile how the dad took good care of Sakyo as a kid for instance, to how he behaved with Azami, and it's really unnerving in general. And as such it puts Sakyo in a position of wanting to defend the man because he owes him so much, and it's difficult to blame him for that, but as a result Azami loses one of his major support.
Honestly my feelings about Azami's dad are complicated. I believe he's the one father of Mankai who can actually realistically work on his issues and improves his relationship with Azami. I believe he cares for Azami on some level more than just material (in opposition to how i'd consider Tenma's, who cared for his carreer more, and Masumi's, who only cared when he needed to fill his divorce's loneliness, and well, Misumi's don't care.). So i end up believing there is a possibility still for this relationship to improve in a realistic way that doesn't feel just like a deus ex machina like the others dads have been. but god, this particular brand of neglect and mistreatment truly also struck a core with me and therefore i can't totally go unbiased about it and ends up just, uncomfortable and unsure. It's so complicated.
Mostly i'd say my different approach is that, even if Tenma, Masumi or Misumi wants to work things out with their dad, i would be completely opposed to it. Purely "why the fuck, no, that's not worth it" at them. But if Azami wants to work it out it's like. "Fine. just stay safe, know you can remove yourself from it whenever you feel like it, and remember to be yourself, and bail out anytime something would go out of hands". yaknow?
But yeah i agree i feel like it really puts Azami in a position of hypervigilence. Everything had to always be a secret, calculated, you only show to your father what you're ready to defend, and it would make some stuff like romance or passions in general, stuff that leaves you emotionally vulnerable, as something that's just too much risk for very little reward. So you just closes in completely.
so Sakyo being there and actually showing him that he can just be himself and he doesn't have to worry more ahead of it is meaningful because yeah, like you say, it gives him a parental figure who is actually willing to let him experiment and be free without having to always be prepared to defend why you want to do something.
āafter seeing my boss, I get the feeling thereās no dad out there who doesnāt care about his kids.ā i actually really hate this line in a sense, i know Sakyo is mostly just, extrapolating to what he's seeing now, but i hate it on a personal level. I do think Azami's dad cares for Azami, but yeah exactly like you said, like Homare's grandma, his own issues means he hurt Azami in ways that are ways too deep for love to just be enough. Sometimes parents love you and hurt you more than a parent who would merely tolerate you. Because they love you so much they want to make sure you're well fitted to the world and ends up messing you up as a result.
But yeah god, i'm glad we're on the same page, you can't say "all dads care for their kids" when you're living with those kids, and Misumi's in particular. This makes me see so red. I get Sakyo has a personal bias here but giod. but yeah Sakyo probably only knows about Masumi's and yeah, Masumi's dad was reasonable at the end that he might work it out. but also like, didn't Sakyo's dad abandon hm and his mom?! that the whole reason his mom had a hard time in life was because of that? bc i don't remember if Sakyo's absent dad is due to abandon or death. Bc if it's abandon, i feel like Sakyo shouldn't be the one saying all dad cares yaknow? I still think that, the Wastonian reasons of it all, is because Sakyo owes so much to the Boss that he tries to rationalize things in his favor yaknow? But the Doylist reason, i think, is mostly that the one weakness of a3's writing is truly with how they manage to create realistic scenarios of abuses and the way it affects the kids, but then they want to solve it with the parents going "my bad", and the problem is that it's not how coping with abuse works yaknow.
SAKODA IS SOOO COOL HERE YEAH. Like man, the glow up Sakoda got in this arc with how much he would go to hell for this kid and fight the devil himself if he had to. god. unsung mvp.
Azami is totally entitled to throw that at his father's face, go Azami go.
" sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are likeā¦ sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasnāt really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways. " OGHHH SO TRUE. THIS IS REALLY SO. SO GOOD.
and you're right about Azami's collage being the way it was. It makes sense Azami just didn't want to share this vulnerability, especially with Sakyo, at a point where he still believed Sakyo didn't care for him on top of that. It's really just. man.
SOBS AND YEAH FOR THE MAGIC BRUSHā¦.
"and then his bio dadās response to all of this. āwell, arenāt you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think thereās a parent out there who doesnāt want to support his childās dreams?ā yes. yes absolutely. " DJFHDL LEGIT. GOD.
But yeah i feel you on everything else you mention about Azami's dad it's just. Acting like Azami was at fault for not making it clear he was serious, while also making the environment too hostile for Azami to even come out and say that. He's responsible for how Azami couldn't trust him and then he blames Azami for not trusting him in a sense. It's really frustrating, and it feels like he's deflecting the blame, while also kinda taking the blame itself. I'm glad he's trying to fix things, and i do think he feels guilty, but it's still so sour.
and i'm so sorry your parents made you feel all those things :( but yeah i totally get what you mean on how it relates to Azami. It's just so unfair to put on him the pressure to be the best of the best.
In a sense i feel it fits a lot of the thematic of Autumn of likeā¦ The reasons they have Regrets to start with is because of the expectations people have put on them, whenever it is over their abilities (Banri) or their appearance (Juza) or their age (Sakyo) ect. And i feel like Azami is in this situation where he's about to regret it if he doesn't take his own life in between his hands. He has to break free from those expectations and fights for what he wants. but god. He shouldn't have to fight for it. ig you can't expect Yakuza to do things the easy way, but god he really shouldn't have to fight for it it makes me so sad.
"are you looking more at your dead wife than youāre looking at your actual child" so true unfortunately hhhh.
But yeah i hope Azami gets more ways to process everything later on :/
I do think that, out of all the bad fathers' plotline, like i said, this is the most realistic one in a sense, and i do think it's well written in general. And i do think that when it comes to abused/neglected kids and their parents, there is also justā¦ i know online the consensus is "children should just cut ties with their toxic parents" and i get how it's the easiest way to see it, to free yourself for good for the influence, but it comes with its own type of downsides that are rarely discussed and is also a lot of pressure to put on a kid. Obviously, if it's too toxic it SHOULD be the case, like i said, chara like Misumi in particular are better off moving past it, but i feel like, in Azami's situation, where despite all the hurt and all the pain, Azami still definitely see his father as a human whom he wants to work things out withā¦ It's just really complicated. I have really messy feelings about all of this.
I do hope Azami would manage to be more resentful and end up being able to actually discuss with his dad and challenge him like, no, YOUR behavior was truly fucked up, it's not fair to ask of ME to communicate my feelings better when you never tried to listen, yaknow?
Anyway i do feel like this sort ofā¦ complicated messy conflicting feelings of resentment and yet wanting to work it out that is in Azami and his father's storyline, for how fucked up his father is, actually works very well and is very realistic, even if there would be wishes for Azami not to bother at all for it. I feel like it allows Azami the grace of having really mixed feelings about all of this without going to one extreme or the next about how to be with his father, and it's something i really personally connected with, as someone with a very difficult relationship with my family, who thought cutting ties was my best solution at some point, and now as an adult, have to deal with how while i could never ever forgive them, the other extreme isn't satisfying to me, on multiple levels. I don't like his father, but i want Azami to be able to work it out in the way he would consider satisfying, and i think that the story is written in a way that leaves this approach possible and addresses it as such, in a way i think the others bad dads of Mankai get too much of a free pass. but man. messy. And with the patern of bad dads getting off too easily this can come up as much more sour than the conflicting feelings it could have actually worked on if the others dads were treated accordingly imo.
Azami's storyarc genuinely did hit hard for me as well because of that. He's not a chara i particularly relate to outside of this specific plotline but this plotline hits not only very deep, but on mixed feelings that are hard for me to face in fiction, so it's always hard to look at.
On the light hearted side, my friend we talked about was cursing me the whole storyarc bc of how he related to Azami and then Azami's portrait happened and he genuinely just went "okay you know what fuck you" and was so emotionally damaged by the mirror that i could forget for a bit my own pain by letting him suffer a bit. Terrible friend moment.
Anyway!!! it's all good, i'm glad you did ramble, it was really nice to read and well, it's interesting things to think about, even if the conclusion isn't easily clear cut.
I'm really glad you liked Azami and his story!!!
And ehehe Winter soon <3333
And "Conquering Misoshiosa Island!" first!
Take care and always feel free to ramble <333
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this is about the convo earlier with being molested by family members..i'm also balkan and i grew up with my grandparents but especially my grandpa inappropriately touching my chest and when i tried to tell my mom, older sis and aunt they all dismissed it as 'ehh he probably didn't mean to/his hand slipped'. i didn't wanna insist and look crazy because i do love my grandpa and he was the only parental figure i had in my life growing up, but at the same time...he did do that. idk if he thought it was normal or what but i think about it often. i can't bring it up with my family again because they'll just ignore it (especially now that he's dead). it's weird to think about how loving and nice he was when he was also doing shit like that from time to time. idk where i'm going with this but yeah. i don't think of myself as someone who was molested as a kid but this shit is definitely normalized. i've seen it in other families where they'd constantly touch and talk about their little boy's genitals... it's so fucked up
it really is fucked up, and its fucked up to realize that so many of us grew up w this.... for a long time i thought this was a me issue not a cultural one - and all the silence and shame around it certainly didnt help w that.... its been fucking weird to think abt the last couple of days since i asked on here abt it. like.. weve really made this SO normal and common huh?? that going against it is outright dismissed or even punished??? i cant help but just keep wondering where the fuck it all went so wrong and how we got here - and whats so wrong that things like this havent been accepted only in the balkans but elsewhere. what. what is wrong with this species. incest is one of the only universal taboos among humans, and most other mammals also have an aversion to it. and yet. we have normalized an abnormal amount of it nontheless over and over again .....? uuuff
im sorry you went through that, and im sorry they didn't take it seriously and listen more to you. thats something that always hurts in particular. discomfort/repulsion is a normal reaction to have and youd expect at least the other women in ur family to care or understand it too, and its rly fucked up when they just... dismiss it or minimize it or make you feel guilty for it or like its your issue or hell do it themselves.. i figure for a lot of them, if theyd accept that what youre saying is bad, itd mean theyd have to accept that things they went through themselves was bad, and they dont wanna do that. so they dont do either.. im sorry that u cant speak abt it and i totally get how him being dead would make it all much harder. in my family at least we v much have a "dont speak ill of the dead" sorta thing, or just excusing the actions of particularly men after they did sorta thing......i still haven't told my family just about anything. any time i ever tried to bring up anything as a kid id get dismissed and ignored at best or be punished or degraded and humiliated at worst so.... learned my lesson on that one but. thank u for sending this, i hate to hear how many of us went through this but also its. nice to know that were not alone in this and that other ppl do get it
and i feel you. its a really confusing mess to try to make sense of how to feel abt ppl like that... be angry? be grossed out, be scared? be numb, be okay with it, pretend it didnt happen? excuse it, explain it away? .... and its just weird in the cases when it wasnt rly something particularly violent, or ""not that bad/bad enough"" ig or towes that line of being able to convince urself that maybe welll it could have been an accident. its weird to know how to feel abt them when they were seemingly ok ppl you cared abt and still do and who were nice other times. .. but also... did shit like this which end of the day just isnt ok. idk... i dont think theres rly a end or solution or one way to feel, i think.... its just kinda bound to be a cocktail of conflicting emotions... im still trying to figure out how to find some sort of. idk, potential resolution or peace w any of it but i haven't rly figured it out yet, i just keep turning it in my mind too
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ļ¼ 11-15-2024 ļ¼ daily post? idk how often iāll do this.
tw(s) - none. i just have a panic attack / meltdown lolllz
f; Mikey/Frankie - host
ā art ; 9:20AM - 10:30AM ( 2nd period )
i'm so behind in this class š im literally an artist but like i just don't pay attention alot of the time.. im trying to get back on it but idk
next period is urban conservation and i'm going crazy because my boyfriend won't be here today and that period (+ the rest of the day) is whenever i spend time with him.. AND HIS PHONE IS BROKENNNNN I MISS MY HUSBAMMDNDND (hashtag bpd struggles i want my fp)
speaking of husband our 2montths is tmrw!!! yay! im peeing with excitement like a dog cuz like 2months???? YAYYYY cant wait for marriage
uodate im not trying in art class rn. i dont care rn yāall im just gonna draw on my own. EFF ZEN TANGLES IM TOO TIRWDDDDDD DUDE š
my mom has no money but i want food frm the vending machinr and she doesnt let me get a job (or my permit.) so im just fucked i guess!
ok rn im lowkkey having a huuuuge fuckin panic attack like okay!!!!!!!!! awsum!!!! ahahahababababbaa. can i be okay is that an option
last night i had a dream about being in a psych ward. iāve had them in the past, usually like a few time a year? theyāre slowly getting more personal and realistic and iām actually so scared thatās a sign.. cuz iāve had dreams wiht meaning before that come truw :/
im so anxious im DYING!!!!!! my head hurttss... listening to misfits while crashing out is probs stupid on my end so ill chnage it.... :(
ā urban c. ; 10:40AM - 11:50AM ( 3rd period )
ugh i actually camt focus :( ill probably just draw i feel lkke shit. walking frm my last class to this one wore me outtt....... :/ i got so fuckkng scared since my safe person isnt here and i kinda thought so.eone would kill me at any moment but ir hasnt happened yet.
oh thank god he went bcak over the answers.... i had no idea what was going on...
f; Khris & co; Johnnie
ā lunch ; 11:50AM - 12:20PM ( approx,, )
i'm sitting at lunch with our friend rn! she's like on the phone rn,,, so i'm fucking around on my computer until next period i guesss. i think our bf is hopefully getting his phoen fixed??? god i hope so .. im stalking his location like a freak but tbh frankie showed me it because he stalks him alot... WITH HIS CONSENNTNTT
our friend rly likes andy biersack so she told me abt his tattoos... i sadly know like nothing abt black veil brides but i think its coooll
some kid is shouting abt cishet white men,,, errr like ok i get the hate but cmon. i'm not really eating at lunch im just hangin hereee
someone is talking loudly about their alters, idk how to feel abt that.
i did one assignment in the middle of lunch, its so fucking hot out im dying....FUCKKK IT WAS LIKE 37 THIS MORNNINGNGN
ā asian studies ; 112:30PM - 1:45M ( 4thļæ¼ )
i got to class late... by like 1 min tho so its chill. i talked to my friend abt some weird shit which was interesting? im exhausted kinda. im hot but cant take off my hoodie cuz my scars :/
ughhhghghhg i have catch up work to do and suddenly im dissociating this is bullshit
f; Loretta
I'm going to be typing properly, because typing.. however that is, makes my head hurt. I'm currently trying to get some work done while keeping us calm. I want to work on our craft/practice, but school comes first. I have no idea what's happening after school, as our boyfriend cannot text and school ends soon. I'll just plan it out as best as I can in my head? I definitely need us to do laundry. It's piling up very bad.
f; mikey / frankie & co ; loretta
BO9YFRIEND HAS PHOENBBACK OGGOG BOFYRIENDNDDND
i'm so shakey and can't process noise and all that.. everything is so weird im so scared of everythint spsoososooss bruh. time to research the brobecks to soothe myself
ā media ; 1:50 - 3:00PM ( last period. )
i feel absolutely horrible. i cant brwathe i reel like im going to sob amd puke i jsyt wannabgo hoke
my mom isnt answrring me like o hate her but lowkey olease acknlwlddmge im habing a panic attaxi
im aboutnto cry in class i cant takehrhjjs. im havjng flashbadks too. i justbwanna go home
im about ti leave school thank fuck. i feel awfuk and just cant think. i keep thinking abt the weird psych ward dream i had.
okay im going to ennd this journal thing here since its longnand boring and infeel like shit
if you actuallt read this, thank you:3
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i have sooo much relational trauma like it's crazy that i manage to connect to ppl on a personal level. some of the most important, deepest emotional bonds i've ever had were w ppl who were just plain toxic to me. ppl who were passive aggressive, manipulative, sometimes downright mean. and in order to maintain the relationship and not lose myself, i had to develop all these habits: being a mind-reader, choosing my words wisely, using the right tone, having to read between the lines all the time, keeping a mental note of the big points of every single conversation, having to remember word-for-word so that a twisted version of my words can't be used against me, downplaying my emotions ...
even now that i'm dealing with a lot less of that garbage (given that those around me have either changed or been cut off completely), these habits are still ingrained in me. they are at the centre of my personality. every person i meet, i see thru the filter where i am hyperaware of my "ability" to anger or offend. even when i demand an apology from someone in the process i will be reassuring them š "oh yeah you rly hurt my feelings when you did this but i'm not saying you're a bad person! or that you were wrong to do this! you can! it's totally ok! you can do it again if you want, i'm not the boss of you! but yeah you hurt my feelings... but it's my fault i'm just sensitive" like hello????? where is your spine, sir. you're embarrassing me.
and like. idk. i know i'm not the only experiencing this and i don't mean to say that "i'm more sensitive than most and i'm a victim of my big heart </3" cus fuck all that lmao but it's just. every time i get close to someone, it feels like its own very tragedy, bc i will most certainly slip into this cursed mindset again. and i know consciously that not everyone sits down and considers every possible interpretation of their words before they hit the send button. and normal ppl say things just to say things and you have to take their word at face value. but i always end up trying to read between the lines and trying to decipher tones and it's Always A Thing whenever i start caring for someone beyond "pleasant acquaintance" it's so exhausting and it hurts and this is one of the main reasons why i've never been in a relationship bc if friends and family can make me feel this on edge i don't wanna think abt the kind of damage a partner could unwillingly inflict on my delicate psyche
#ray says#you hit me with an ok txt and thats all it takes for me to spiral fr#call it rejection dysphoria call it relational trauma call it wtv i call it madness#cus it literally feels like going a lil bit crazy#and thats without accounting for the actual depression and psychotic momentsc:
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Riku for the character thing! (And Junpei? Maybe? I think that'd be interesting Ā°ā¢Ā°)
!!!!!!!!!!! putting this under a cut bc i Cannot shut up abt these two in particular bless u
Riku
favorite thing about them: gayass (affectionate) the way that hes so devoted to his best friends that it can easily turn self destructive (or otherwise generally destructive) with one wrong turn is just So. Yes. also im stealing his gender
least favorite thing about them: i wouldnt say i Dislike this bc thematically it fucks but its funny that kh1 is basically just a chain of the worlds' worst decisions bc this poor dumbass doesnt know how to deal w his feelings for his besties. he went from playful teasing on the island to getting straight up possessed how the fuck do u do things this badly
brOTP: Riku n Terra, or any of the wayfinders tbh, and the novel trio (Riku Axel NaminƩ) OH AND REPLIKU OFC. let Riku be the big brother figure he always wanted to be and give him more friends im begging
favorite line: "at least the waves sound the same..." always hurts me,, he spent all that time trying to escape the islands, then avoided going back there to face everyone. and now when they have no way to get back, no way of knowing if theyll ever even leave this place, hes exhausted and in pain and just.. happy to have that one last reminder of home. ok i need tp go cry now ,
OTP: Sorikai!!! and any 2 of those 3 together, Soriku is obvious but Rikai is SO sweet i love them dearly. Rikuroku is also up there because its funny
nOTP: him with any adults??? and im not a fan of Namiku tbh
random headcanon: hes nearsighted n needs glasses but is too stubborn to get his eyes checked. it only got worse when he wore that blindfold for a whole year and his friends lovingly make fun of him for it (especially Repliku, who didnt inherit his shitty eyesight lmao). also hes demi
unpopular opinion: i do think theres something big/special going on with him but im not convinced its as.. deep? as a lot of people are theorizing but it IS kh so what do i know and i really dont think disney or squenix have the balls to make him canonly/explicitely gay
songs i associate with them: unsaid by flor, Leo by Eve, A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers, and like. anything by Jaymes Young bc thats peak sad yearning music right there (ESPECIALLY MOONDUST. stripped version also. god.)
favorite picture of them: oh this one is easy. soft lil dude..
Junpei
favorite thing about them: he is literally just some guy. like the most just some guy character ever. he did NOT ask for any of this he just happened to be dragged into it for reasons he almost couldnt comprehend but were also completely unavoidable. he is ridiculously observant of his environment and other people. he absorbs information like a sponge, which is impressive considering hes a college student fighting for his life and id legit just shut down. he is rational, but tends to act based on emotion when it concerns someone else and at his core is a helpful n caring guy. his ability to joke in a life or death situation is also something between impressive, endearing and worrying. his ability to Very Easily manipulate people is even more worrying. if he werent generally a nice dude id be afraid of him. hes a walking bi disaster and i love that for him. i want to be his friend
least favorite thing about them: horny. also didnt he become an alcoholic or something in the next game is he ok
favorite line: lowkey tempted to list every quote from his wiki bc holy fuck this dude is funny but this one killed me
(although the "people liquid" bit that i do Not remember encountering is up there. and his bi awakening by the elevator)
brOTP: his interactions w like.. idk basically everyone in 999 is so so good but if i had to choose id go w him n Aoi, Snake, n Clover
OTP: i.. dont know what to put here other than Junepei?? i dont rly even ship him with people i just think he needs therapy right the fuck now. or that Carlos guy he flirts with in one of the other games (i think??)
nOTP: idek just the obvious stuff i guess??
random headcanon: that dude is Not neurotypical. i dont have any evidence or anything i just think hes neat and i relate too much to his whole "idk what im doing in life im just kinda here" thing. and the fact that he carries damn near every puzzle he encounters and the 999 puzzles make my brain go brrrrr. shooting him with my adhd beam
unpopular opinion: uhhh.. what counts as a popular opinion???? what is the general consensus on this guy. will say that im afraid to touch the other ze games bc of whatevers going on w him but thats the only thing i got here
song i associate with them: ive been thinking very hard abt this one for thr past few days and i actually cant find anything that clicks here which is. surprising. if u squint i guess some of the songs i put for Riku could fit tbh..
favorite picture of them: i wanted to put that one shot of him during the true end looking at the sudoku puzzle but then i found this concept art of him n .. it appeals to me
#thank u for reminding me how much i love my Riku playlist its so good honestly.. the vibe is lethal amounts of yearning#a sadness runs through him reminds me of kh1 onward.. unsaid is kh2.. and leo is post-kh3#to an extent u really Can fit those with Junpei huh. hm#one day i plan on going back thru all of 999 and analyzing all of Junpei's thoughts n stuff more.. hes so Interesting idk what it is#thank u for letting me yell abt these two :3#ask#mortellanarts#kh#999
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#yolanda talks#i finish fallen hero r*birth.....#bro what the fuck. is your player character gonna become a villain either way??? i rly thought...i rly thought i could have stop them lol#guess those choices where i make them more empathetic and more civil are all for nothing then#sidestep becoming a villain might be a constant needed for the sequels to work but like... :\ i dont like it#could have been better if we know the full extent of your character' past so that we understand our own character's motivation better#like i said this before but srsly. god did no one beta this???#also i remember seeing this fanart where sidestep and ortega kissed when ortega is at the hospital#and i thought this is a nice tender moment after ortega got beat up by SOMEONE ELSE#oh it turns out you beat up YOUR love interest??? this is so stupid and bad. YOU physically HURT your love interest?#tender moment my ass. you beat him up and then u show up at the hospital ACTING LIKE YOU CARE#i didnt choose to do this. i just let my character to re-possess the person they possess and talk to ortega that way. still not good#ok and its like ortega got nothing to do with whatever trauma you had gone through. that im sure of.#they have been nothing but sweet and caring and genuine and in love with you and you just lied to them. like an asshole#also these joke meme fanart where ppl joked abt sidestep resurfacingĀ as a superhero? so that was a lie???#im so???? i like the diversity of ethnicities/gender identities/sexualities you can choose from for your side step but like#this is bullshit lol and ortega is the only valid love interest anyways so what the hell#i cant see why nobody recommend this game lol#but ugh. i rly like ortega tho
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look i kno i said i wasnt gna bring a 6th until i was caught up w replies bt i kno gunner well n therefore felt like he deserved his time to shine in the rp so i beg of u pls plot w him looks at u all like :B
* axel auriant, cis man + he/him | you know gunner paxton, right? theyāre twenty-two, and theyāve lived in irving for, like, four years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ācause theyāve got that whole curling up for days in bed wearing a hello kitty comfort shirt, stuttering in the face of affection, and hand me downs two sizes too big thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 31st, so theyāre a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( bri, 23, est, they/them )
background.
middle child of the paxton family, cliff being the eldest and wyatt being the youngest :D
they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved
the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh
gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their fatherās respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament
(depression/anxiety tw) he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder
(violence/abuse tw) their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasnāt going to say anything about it to their dad
(missing child/kidnapping/anxiety/depression tw)Ā wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there, high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, cliff left home in the middle of the night never to be seen again (merely leaving a note so that the family didnāt think they had a case of two kidnapped children), and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping
the two years that gunner was at home after cliff left were pretty brutal and as soon as he could, he was fleeing wyoming and going to school in irving
(internalized homophobia tw)Ā things are far better now that heās out of his home situation, but ofc he still has a few personal things heās working thru; the paxtonās were raised in an incredibly religious household, and heās got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that heās not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt heās sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly
heās also ādealingā rn (just pharmaceuticals) which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight all things considering and a librarian job doesnāt rly cover it, and with the amount of meds heās on, plus incredibly frequent doctorās visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so heās cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!
details.
is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic
u can catch him strutting around town w his blinged out epipen holder (aka blinged out w pins of his fav horrors movies) LKSHDGKLHSKLDG
if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times
n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions heās suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes
awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like he barely knows how to converse with ppl
didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 30 seconds, just extremely weird and specific things
can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl heās not close w/doesnāt kno - has told ppl to their face before he doesnāt enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms
loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after
going off that fact he did a film internship in nyc during the summer and is trying to find a job in that field
doesnāt realize demisexuality is a thing so heās never been that fond of sex but has this stigma in his mind that that makes him Broken so he still Tries n it jst doesnt go well tugs my shirt collar
connections.
ppl who r more into under the counter meds than Hard Drugs n buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms
ppl he went to school w? :D
some friendsā¦ā¦ā¦. hes awkward bt he means wellā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat he crushes quite easily but never does anything abt it fr the most part
a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht he actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)
some enemies tbh, he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG
a museā¦.. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects
awkward past hook ups/one night stands where one of them cut ties off cuz every time they got together gunner acted like he was embalming a body for a funeral
current hook ups/fwbās w ppl heās actually close w/is comfortable w so its nowhere near as bad SDKHSLDGHKLSDGH
Anything u Desire
#irvingintro#depression tw#anxiety tw#violence tw#abuse tw#missing child tw#kidnapping tw#internalized homophobia tw#tugs my shirt collar at all those tws............. SLKDHGLKHSDGKLHSDKLGHSDG#as per usual i didnt proofread lets all pray bri didnt make a mistake.
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SAW ASK!!!!!! š n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs weāve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc itās a dynamic i donāt think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?
SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)
okay so Eric/Adam:
I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobbyās groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so thtās still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.
I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. thereās only so many times u can hearĀ āIām so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thruā b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Ericās side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the wholeĀ āIām rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six monthsā? thtās foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being likeĀ āwell Iām glad yr still aroundā is kind of what makes tht decision in Ericās head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.
n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows heās there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. itās a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesnāt n heās just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. thtās another region I feel theyāre very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they donāt speak all day, thtās okay - they send each otherĀ āiām okayā texts n th other person responds wĀ āgoodā n thtās fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. itās good.
things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. theyāre just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth theyāre both navigating. fr Eric, itās being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, itās actually having a friend who doesnāt make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. thtās smth they both notice - tht itās like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so theyāre just kinda feelin it out?
n again like uāve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. thtās th point where theyāre both likeĀ āoh, I rly care abt this person.ā bc itās three in th fucking morning, Adam didnāt even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adamās just kinda freaking out internally too bc itās been a looong time since heās felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n itās then tht heās kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and itās just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, itās early as fuck, and isnāt it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isnāt it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesnāt tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? itās th best heās slept in fucking weeks.
I feel like after tht theyāre a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they werenāt b4; I mean in th sense tht when theyāre not doing too great, theyāll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he canāt talk abt it but he doesnāt want 2 be by himself n they sit in Ericās living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesnāt feel like some1ā²s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n heās mostly confined 2 his bed. theyāre there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.
another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Ericās rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, thtās still not smth heās vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something heās ashamed of bc he feels like itās gross n he doesnāt want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Ericās got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Ericās still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Ericās shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesnāt say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesnāt have 2 do this. he doesnāt have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think itās Gross. but he doesnāt think itās gross n he doesnāt mind touching it and heās so gentle when applying the ointment n then when heās done he just kind of leans against Ericās back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Ericās hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say Iām right here, Iām not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? thtās kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware ofĀ āoh fuck I love him.ā (Adam too, ngl)
basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience,Ā āIām here.ā re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.
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Eric + baking:
YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like,Ā āwell I guess this works huh?ā n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didnāt turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Artās side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God Thatās Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n itās usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam toĀ ākeep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! weāre not gonna have any left!!!ā even tho tht Doesnāt stop him).
he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but heās honestly pretty proud of it now. itās so funny bc Adam typically doesnāt like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh itās Amazing. (heās like tht w Artās cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc Thatās His BF/Best Friend!!!)
if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n itās just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure heās doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!
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William/Mallick dynamic:
yr right I havenāt thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!
I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, theyāre both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallickās eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesnāt appreciate it/doesnāt want it, but because itās more that he feels like he doesnāt deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know Youāre Loved.
theyāre comfortable w each other, of course they are! theyāre friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. itās love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.
n Mallick can kinda feel it, and heās not resistant 2 it, but heās definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesnāt rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w Williamās attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he canāt get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so itās just Mallick n William.
so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallickās shoulder. doesnāt say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in Williamās neck, pretty much curled into his side, n thtās when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didnāt even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n thtās like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.
n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting Williamās (+ everyone elseās!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (Iām w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then heāll feel Williamās hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be likeĀ āIām not gonna say anything, but I see you, itās okay,ā n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice heās working himself up too much n heāll reach out n take one of his hands while heās pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then heās able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.
one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is theyāll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesnāt have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc itās mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time heās at his most vulnerable. itās not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallickās hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. itās smth easy tht doesnāt really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.
and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesnāt seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc itās like. āIām here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,ā in a single action. I think William also struggles, like uāve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William itās like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldnāt keep himself so close if John was right, so itās like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes thtās all he needs.
they donāt have 2 deal w their struggles alone. theyāre both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - itās only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.
#saw#eric#adam#william#mallick#long post#loved LOVED this ask!!! got me thinkin!!#also I think I might. write smth fr polycule + William/Mallick bc now I'm thinking abt them#ty again adam s4w beloved mutual!! <3#asks#also update I think I'm gonna. actually start tht masterpost tomorrow lol I!!! crashed hard th other night oops#+ wanted 2 mention I did reference yr answer 2 my Mallick/Eric/Adam ask also!! what w Mallick pacing n Eric taking his hand n all!!
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I wanna make art for my dst roleswap au sooo bad but at the same time I think if I had to deal with even a single person deadnaming Wx on my posts I would snap
#rat rambles#like I cant stop ppl from having their own hcs and using woodrow as a name for them within said hcs but not with My wx pls#on the bright side my human wx design is decently different from most ppls so I think it wouldnt get that bad#but still its smth I worry abt because I dont trust ppl to respect how god damn uncomfortable calling them woodrow makes me#anyways Ive been thinking abt roleswap wx again gotta love a scientist that is kind of just straight up a bad person#like they technically are improving. slowly. against their will.#if it werent for the severety of the concequences of their actions they probably would barely question if they were in the right or not#they tried to cut off wilson the second they realized they had begun to care abt him to avoid the pain that came from the last time they#cared abt someone and all it did was make them hurt more and its rly the only reason they arent fighting against the other survivors much#theyre just. so tired at this point. theyve lost everything and cant be assed to do anything but wallow in their pain#let it be known that they were like. genuinely awful with their handling of everything relating to wilson.#intentional or not they basically manipulated a vulnerable teenager for their own benifit and proceeded to isolate him from anyone who#could have financially support him or house him and then proceeded to kick him out to fend for himself#like they genuinely fucking sucked and still do to a degree#just because he was happily on board at first and they genuinely cared abt him doesnt negate how shitty this all was from the offset#wx š¤ willow just genuinely being kinda awful ppl#tbf willow did it in a girlboss way so she gets a free pass /j#for context role swap willow has done. a fair share of straight up murder.#some of it was self defense ish or kina justified revenge but most of it was just for the funsies or because wilson or wx asked her to
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* brigette lundy-paine, nonbinary + they/them | you know kirby wormwood, right? theyāre twenty five, and theyāve lived in irving for, like, two weeks? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ring ring by mika like, a million times this year, which makes sense ācause theyāve got that whole balancing acts at perilous heights destined to entertain, jack of all trades master of none, refusal to accept the mortal world as it is thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 1st, so theyāre a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )
hllo welcome 2 my third character i love them a lot theyre a. remake of an older oc of mine so this is fun <3 sdfhk anyways once again i am asking u. pleathe like if u wld like to plot.
ARSON TW
mini playlist.
wizard ;; lucas lex / ring ring ;; mika / crows ;; clues / sunrise sunset ;; bright eyes / la llorona ;; beirut / no children ;; the mountain goats / might be love ;; the pesky snakes / sax in the city ;; letās eat grandma.
statistics.
full name: kirby wormwood (currently).
nickname(s): magpie.
birthday: december 1st, 1995.
zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon, libra ascending.
mbti & temperament: estp & improvisor / sanguine.
label: the hellion.
hometown: abilene, texas.
sexuality: bisexual.
pinterest.
biography.
alright lets get right into it. kirby ws switched at birth. they cldāve hd a very like. picket fence trampoline in the backyard. 4 columns cos its texas n it feels right. bt instead they were chosen <3 somewhat unintentionally <3 by dorothea n fawley wormwood, two traveling circus workers who emergency stopped in abilene.
n u know what. growing up in st. pierreās traveling circus ws kinda fkn awesome? like ok. besides the fact tht they were homeschooled fr like evr n there were a sparing amt of children 2 socialize with? it ws p cool idk.
it ws kinda like everybody ws their parent n also not at all bc they were all very casual. bt they grew up learning hw 2 maintain the circus (n also like. normal school thingz bt i dnt think kirby hs ever cared abt school like ever) n whenever they hd a show kirby wld facepaint or handle tickets until they were old enough 2 start learning like. the Real fun things.Ā
fawley hd a lot of his own weird odd little like superstitions n beliefs n practically raised kirby on them like n they dnt rly <3 make a lot of sense. lots of made up philosophy. very much like. nothing defines u. u cn b anything or anyone. n kirby ws like ok cool. n then developed a god complex.
names didnt rly stick 2 kirby when they were a kid like. nothing satisfied them or felt worthy fr them or simply they just. got tired of a name. this isnt related 2 them being nonbinary BUT it did help ease some of the. pressure of exploring gender identity. theyve only hd one name tht stuck genuinely n tht ws magpie n. thts bc everybody hd their own bird name n it felt very. like community. like a role. usually the names they used during performances bt. anyways KFHDSGLKKHL
theyre Kirby bt answers 2 most. neutral nouns.
honestly. they were also a rascal as a youth. ws like. oh. i learned sleight of hand? cool. time 2 pick pockets. wld throw popcorn into the hair of other kids n b like. omggg what was that ... became a mime fr a year. it ws a rigorous training.
now a master of charades. bt anyways. they traveled pretty much weekly, maybe bimonthly n sometimes just pure monthly. there wsnāt an off season fr them, when the colder months came theyād travel south and when summer rolled in theyād go right back up again. it ws easy to switch personas almost daily n just. never reveal ur true self. totally not saying thtās what kirby did bt thts what they did. it nvr made them lose sight of themselves it ws more like. acting. tricking ppl fr fun.Ā
anyways all good things come 2 an end and when kirby ws like. 18. they were like hey ur old enough that we cn trust u with fire. we think. n they started 2 learn fire-throwing n like. they were ok at it bt lessons were painfully slow n kirby ws like. i wld b so good at this if i cld do it all the time. n it ws like. hey kirby, chill. u already know a lot of things.
arson tw // u see where this is going. tents are kind of flammable. kirby ws unsupervised. bad decisions all around. circus is aflame. all the animals n all the circus workers got out fine bt like. st. pierreās ws efficiently out of business. arson end of tw //
n kirby fkn booked it they just. ran. pure fear. nvr looked back which is like super traitorous of them 2 do bt. sometimes they meet up in secret like. sunglasses n all at a coffee shop. not all of them just like. fawley or someone else. theyre like. ur family u cld burn down a thousand circuses n weād still love u. n kirby is like yeah i know bt iāve rly committed to the bit now. n they dnt reunite.
anyways. since then kirby hs just been. a traveler. nvr rly staying anywhere fr super long n driving around in their shitty little van thtād been used as housing back at st. pierreās.
theyāre in irving n theyve been there fr almost. suspiciously long. compared 2 their average stays. when asked abt what they do or why theyre there theyll just. give a vague answer or spin a long tale tht usually involves a burning circus.
theyre staying at uh. abernathy creek rn bc of course they r they fit in so naturally. welcomed with wide arms. might b soul searching rn might b on the hunt fr their birth parents might b just vibing ... whose to say ..
personality & facts.
has a Big personality tht attracts others fr better or fr worse. either super likeable or the most despicable person on the earth. no in betweens. n honestly tht is a talent in itself
has no off button is constantly. spinning tales or performing a dance or getting kicked out of bars fr whatever nonsense reason.Ā
honestly they prob think tht nothing bad cn ever happen to them even tho like. bad has literally happened 2 them before? love the optimism here. KLFGDLKFSDHGF
acts a bit like uāve known them fr ur entire life they r oddly warm in tht way bt they themself r so distant tht its like. oh nice ok ...
both honest n yet dishonest like. yes they will hustle u out of ur money bt they will also tell u their opinion straight up.Ā
probably smart bt they r just like. prime thembo? flowy pirate shirts n cropped tshirts n pants tht r never tight. dresses like they do still work n live at a circus.Ā
likes 2 instigate things between others n then stand back n just watch it happen while taking like zero accountability. loves a good small town drama. avid milf hunter.
does not hv any faith in the american healthcare system at all n will straight up refuse 2 go 2 a hospital if they get hurt theyre like. i cn do it myself im like practically a professional. they r not a professional.Ā
bt does hv like. a thing abt apples. fkn loves them.Ā
uuuhhh cn play instruments bt all very badly. only knows one (1) song tht isnt made up n its wonderwall by oasis. they play it at parties. they expect fr tomatoes to b thrown at them at any given time.
very nimble. agile. granted its frm. learning circus tricks frm a baby age bt they hv impeccable balance n cn sneak up behind anyone without a single noise. uses this 2 their advantage in order 2 scare ppl. chaotic neutral.
loves having the attention on them i wont fk around here. will go to drastic measures to accomplish receiving it. my other muses r capable of taking things srsly bt kirby just. is not. they do not take a single thing srsly they barely even took. st. pierreās destruction srsly n they caused it. maybe.
likes being able to just. be unknown so the amt tht ppl know abt them is actually very. little. i dnt think they even tell others their last name. sometimes not even their first. just hs so many aliases n nicknames. i know i didnt list any bt thts simply bc Any cld.
probably acts out to compensate fr the. underlying guilt they hv bt thts okay. i mean it isnt bt.
will probably show up if u call them fr help bt they lose interest in people p quickly n r always moving onto the next shiniest person. bt when they do they give them like. all their attention. if u wrong them in this period they will just. ignore it. bt when theyre bored then its like. u werent even friends at all? very odd.
perhaps it is commitment issues bt <3 ya. thts them. they do not claim favorite colors or movies or. most interests. probably bc theyre very very disconnected frm pop culture i think they learn everything thru twitter n google.
i wld not call them a good person bt i also dnt think theyre like evil horrible nasty awful they just. think abt themself a lot more than they think abt others n also refuses to face consequences ever and also .. anyways.
wanted plots.
part of the birdās nest ;; honorary bird honorary circus member. u hv to be very well regarded by kirby to earn a bird name bt i feel like tht doesnt feel like a lot considering theyve only been here fr like. two weeks KDGDSHKGK. the catch is tht u cn only refer 2 them as magpie frm then forward.Ā
hand in unlovable hand ;; theres comfort in being terrible ppl together n it may not last bt it doesnt hv to anyways. its just them n the like. vibes. n knowing tht its smth thts nvr gna b long term. cld b anything ur character just hs to be also a little evil. KHDSGFDS
one jester ... wht abt ... TWO jesters .. ;; hoo boy. ooh man. unstoppable force and immovable object combine forces n just become. the worst of the worst. ultimate jokesters. epic pranksters. absolute clowns. chaotic energy unmatched. always nonsense.Ā
n also ;; ppl theyāve stolen frm, ppl who hv caught them in that act, ppl whoāve maybe seen them in the circus a very long time ago, Found Family Trope, real family shenanigans, kirby just asking everybody if theyre their dad., mortal enemies if they see each other its an instant duel 2 the death, etc.
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jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - š±
first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit š„° the bar is just nonexistant now ššš
also makiās mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me tooš„“
the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happyā parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! ššš good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though
ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE
and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.
also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like thereās a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...
MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but iām rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and iām confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough
that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities
im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!
flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game
all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo
and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuujiās pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world
also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it againš) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and tojiās commentary at the end of fight with gojou,, Ā i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks
and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him
so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else
at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing
u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action
u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it
the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz
ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction
AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc iāll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - š±
i love u š„ŗš„ŗššš you take care of yourself too!!!
also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance thereĀ š
the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though itās going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering ānoritoshi kamo.ā like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesnāt affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.
megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesnāt want anything to do with it LOL he really said āthis is a pain no thanks.ā like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. itās so interesting and another source of irony.
#MAKI THOUGH......MAKIIIIIII#that stomach wound was worrying tbh at first i was like??? what is that panel even. but now.......ughhhhhh#š± anon
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i feel like something is calling for me to speak abt my parentsā disorder because i rly wish i knew sooner about narcissistic personality disorder. i grew up always thinking there was something wrong with me since how awfully i was treated by people who were supposed to take care of me and love me. it made me so confused why i would get insulted and degraded by my own family. it makes me so upset and sad that i literally was robbed of having a normal childhood because i didnt get any emotional support ever or just love in general. i felt so lonely at an extremely young age and that made me want to look for others to be in a ārelationshipā so i could feel loved and cared about. this kind of yearning at a young age made me very vulnerable because i was used to toxic āloveā from my family. i thought it was normal to be with people who made fun of me, manipulated and took advantage over me because thats all the kind of love i knew. and i thought it was okay, but it was the farthest thing from it. my parents made me so fragile growing up because i was always filled with self doubt and that i was a bad person. but in reality ive been the most empathetic person that i could be to the people i really cared about. when i learned about this disorder, i found out how those kind of parents only have children to make them look good and for their ego. for example, if youre the āscapegoatā child then youll be picked on for appearance, weight, how you act, talk, or literally just anything about yourself, because the narcissist themself is insecure and they dont like themself. if they dont see you as perfect in their eyes then theyll literally tell you that or compare you to other people. i didnt even realize that all of this was so fucking wrong until i was 18 and that makes me really sad. i basically lived all of those years thinking i was never enough and it felt so lonely and still does. ik im jumping all over the place in this but i wish i couldve known about this disorder when i was alot younger so i didnt beat myself up so much for my parents actions and words. some of you might not even know you have a parent that has this disorder but youre wondering why youre being gaslighted and degraded. if you dont know what gaslighting is, its basically when a person denies that they said / did something even though you know for a fact that they did do that. for example, my mom told me that she caught my dad watching ch*ld p*** and when i got really upset and called him out for it, BOTH of them blamed ME for bringing it up and called me a crazy druggie. my mom literally told me this information to my face and when i finally get the courage to say something, she said i was ālyingā and that āshe never said those thingsā. it doesnt have to be that extreme but its just an example. these past years ive felt so disconnected and disappointed on how unfortunate and lonely my life has been because of these people but the more you educate yourself on personality disorders the easier things get.. if you have a parent or are in a relationship or even just a friend that makes you feel guilty for doing nothing, or just toxic behavior, please dont let them stick around bc i know it hurts but they dont have any love in their hearts. if any of you relate to me and need someone to talk 2 im here for you :-) š¤
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first: WAHHHHHHHHH ššš I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I canāt even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! Iām writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know itās serious businessā¢
ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah itās a tragedy whatever itāll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. itās crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like itās limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style theyāre going for. especially like tsumugiās death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that Iām actually reading the line thatās like oh donāt fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and itās wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. itās very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someoneās acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michaelās love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugiās style of acting. the heart that heād lost while within the god troupe. mb Iām losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles thoāsame for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so Iāll have to do another part lol
going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking āhm where r the winter troupe cgs anywaysā and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesnāt seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my āhisoka is capable of murderā bit? listen.... Iām not saying anything but Iām also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokĆ©mon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways Iām unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...
okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just donāt feel like calling him that) for the money lol itās just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol
all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and Iām even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didnāt want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...
HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFDĀ Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the wholeĀ āshrimps can see more colors than humans canāt comprehendā thing has been disproved but iām not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans canāt comprehend anymore and iām going to make it everyone elseās problem)
1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you theyāre not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that theyāre more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugiās voice especially knock it off the park anytime heās on screen.Ā
2) Second: what does it say about me that iāve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set onĀ āoh Raphael youāre in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life awayā i didnāt even considerĀ āmaybe Raphael went through that tooā. Though i guess if weāre going with that reading i can totally seeĀ āThe Womanā they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.
3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasukuās acting itās just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, iāve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was justĀ ācan i skip it i canāt go through this again i canāt Tsumugi i love you i canāt do thisā. It doesnāt match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god
4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOUāRE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasukuās character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!!Ā The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didnāt know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and iām HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he canāt let him destroys himself again and itās just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!
5) Fifth:Ā āiām losing my mind a littleā winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupeās mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i canāt help it TwT) but yeaH iām looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!
Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!
6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didnāt know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and iām soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i canāt cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united onĀ ātaking care of himā but thatās really the moment i wentĀ āi care you and i will keep taking care of youā and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. Iām glad you liked it iām aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....
7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but š thatās so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea ofĀ āwell we have yakuza and supernatural entity whatās an assassin adding himself to itā dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but thatād be peak. Iām not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain iām just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.
8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!!Ā Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard itās just. It really shows you itās not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey youāve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arcās lines really drive homeĀ āoh my god that was a journeyā i love them sO MUCH....Ā
9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! Theyāre all so good i just. iām gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it canāt end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that.Ā AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and theyāre a family now and iām hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isnāt just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.
10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! Iām genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and iām so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it!Ā
11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So theyāre easily accessible and theyāre sorted in a way thatās easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. Theyāre all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldnāt make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but itās okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and itās wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.
ANND Thatās it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and iām so happy and excited!! iāll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope youāll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!
(side note i need to update the drive too but itās mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuyaās birthday card i think?? i think Itaruās is already in act 2 so iāll try to get around to it eventually but itās so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so iām missing three cards -)
The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and thereās a file with cards that arenāt associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. Iāll send it to you in DM ;OĀ
Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c
#ichafantalks a3#i love the winter troupe SO MUCH it's unreal this ask made me cry i was just LDKJFDLK WINTER!!!!!!!#i love your thoughts so much thank you for all of it <33#sonnets-of-beauty#ichareply#long post for ts
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hi!! for the match up thing iām indian-american, 5ā6ā-5ā8ā naturally rapunzel-length, wavy hair (brownish), glasses, brown eyes, corner dimples, aquarius, iām an ambivert, i love video games, editing, reading, writing, sleeping lol, and iām not good at drawing but i like doodles and coloring. i love k-pop (casual listener) and some non-kpop songs & i love watching a lot of anime & reading BL š“š» & manga. i get closed off in groups because i get anxious and i get negative thoughts and how iām probably not even wanted there bc of bad experiences. in public i can get suuuper anxious because iām rlly sheltered bc of my parents and i get all shaky. same like in public w/o my parents like i get shaky and an anxiety / panic attack and want to cry. ive never experienced things bc of my family like ānormalā stuff like the beach, traveling, ice skating, movie theaters and stuff. i hate it and i dont have the best relationship with my family they can be really toxic sometimes and the whole anxiety thing and that makes me feel really depressive and su*cidal sometimes for a while. i love physical affection and being shown that or told words affirmation. but irl i get awkward and shy w physical affection bc ive never experienced it and idk how to do it. im good thru text, irl i can keep a convo going. thru calls i get shy and nervous, especially if itās the opposite gender. my face gets red easily like i blush a lot and itās not hard to make me flustered lol. when i get like that or donāt know how to respond i just giggle bc idk what to do or say. if im sad and going thru it i make jokes to cover it up and laugh it off, one time someone just asked āare you okā after i did and my voice cracked āno not reallyā and i started crying š i keep stuff to myself (unless i trust that person to tell them stuff nd open up to them) i do have trust issues and iāve never rlly had friends irl my parents are strict and never let me go out. online i dont rly have much friends either. im rlly observant, and like descriptive / detailed as u can tell š kinda sucks thoo because a lot of people donāt read what i say bc they said they cant b bothered n itās too long but i just get rlly engrossed into things & dont half-ass stuff and just wanna explain everything properly š i can be sassy and give attitude, and i can be mean. BUT i never do that to someone unless they did me dirty. i dont like arguing. that side of me can be shown thru arguments but only again like if the other person is doing the same and is being mean and disrespectful to me first. i do have a lot of patience and endure things until itās become like a problem? i make sure to communicate. i never ignore people, iām not petty unless i have a good reason if they did something to me. iām really funny i swear š and i can be emotional / sensitive depending on what it is but i know when someone is joking but i know when things are taken too far and i have boundaries. i take caution when meeting people bc trust issues so iām not that clingy unless i 100% like can count on them and comfortable with them trust them etc. i like teasing friends but just for fun and wonāt take it far and make them upset or anything. if i ever hurt someone which i make sure not to i feel super bad and apologize a lot and make sure to never do it again. i try to keep my cool to refrain keeping myself from getting mad but the times i have gotten mad are reasonable and it has to be something super upsetting for me, i dont get mad w/o reason though and i start to angry-cry and yell but i try not to say anything that ill regret and make sure to think of what im saying. i love memes, idk how to describe my humor tho š, iām diligent and considerate! i try to show i care thru actions and words of affirmation and quality time etc. i make sure to remember important stuff someone tells me abt themselves. i have a really good memory i donāt forget things that easily. i care for others a lot and im trying to take care of myself more now too but it can be hard. iām not a liar i can be really blunt and honest. SORRY ITS LONG š
I match you with..
Lemillion!
Iām a firm believer that understanding opposites can bring out the best in each other. Mirio helps you come out of your shell. He loves to stroke your hair, and sometimes playfully pulls it. He is your partner and your best friend, so doing thinks like Pictionary or playing games today are a common occurrence. Joking and cuddling turns into a must for the two of you and you discover how much you love your head pet. His dependable personality provides a safe place for you, and you get the chance to trust in someone fully.
He appreciates how you are careful to watch how you act when you are upset, but loves how full of emotion you are. Seeing you cry breaks him on the inside and he just wants to scoop you up into hugs. Knowing that you have that big goof there helps you with your social anxiety. If someone is talking too much to you and he sees you getting overwhelmed, he will skillfully direct conversation away from you. Mirio gets very protective of you around your family. He constantly holds your hand and you two have established a safe word in case you want to leave. Mirio is more than happy to scoop you into his arms and run away with you. He is so emotionally intelligent and sensitive with you that you feel so safe and secure. If you could use one word to describe him it would be āhomeā. For the first time in a long time you begin to realize what family is, itās mirio.
Knowing that you havenāt tried many things, you two make an effort to try new experiences together. He often flirts with you, despite the fact you two are together. He brings out the more sexual side of you. You compliment him and flatter him. He loves how much you appreciate him. You two take care of each other and your time is full of laughs.
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